#but it was late and im stupid when i'm awake anyways

[zimszim]

fucking adore how tianlang-jun was built up to be really intimidating and scary and sort of has this fucked up psychological component to his physical appearance as well as his general mannerisms, but then you find out that hes Just Like That and not like. a genuine evil guy. he was heartbroken and because of that he was like #FuckHumans!!! but could never fully kill his love of humans and humanity. what the fuck. this novel is killing it with characters i swear

[ifimdreaming]

can i take you home?

luke hughes x reader || angst, fluff

request: “i like the idea of her best friend going to michigan/dating a former teammate of lukes so thats how luke and reader meet! i love angst and given that its lukes rookie year/she goes to college in another state, maybe they could be friends w benefits but both have strong feelings.”

author's note: i thought this request was so so cute so i kind of took it and ran. also kinda influenced by i miss you, im sorry by gracie abrams. this is also super long but i hope the ending is worth it. let me know if i should do more parts of this!

word count: 5.0k

-

Waking up to the sound of your best friend pounding on the guest bedroom door at 7am was not exactly the best way to start your day. But since you are staying the weekend in her student house that she shares with 5 other people, there are definitely unluckier ways you could have been awoken. 

“Morning sleepy head!!! I'm so happy you're up!” your best friend Emma almost shouts as she barges in the room, after you very reluctantly told her she could come in. She immediately begins opening the curtains, and rummaging through her closet to find her outfit for the day.

In her haste she almost spills the two cups of coffee she had brought up from the kitchen as she sets them on the dresser beside the bed, her mug being almost completely empty anyway. You can tell by her enthusiasm and caffeine intake that she has been up for quite a long time before deciding to wake you up. 

You groggily roll over and face away from the wide open curtains, not ready to face the day yet and really disappointed in yourself for choosing to drive up so late last night in the first place.

Of course you were happy to be able to visit your best friend, the two of you going to different schools making it incredibly hard to spend much time together anymore. But being back here brought back so many memories of the last time you visited. Both good and bad. And to be honest, all you could think about was him. From the very moment Emma invited you, he has been on your mind nonstop. 

The way he made you feel so utterly adored when he brought you back to his room, how he spoke to you so gently and quietly the one morning when you were hungover, the time he spilled and called you ‘his’ while you were in bed together, and how much it seemed like it would last forever. It was all coming back so strongly.

“So, what are the plans for the day Little Miss Sunshine?” you sit up, reluctantly speaking your first words of the day after clearing your throat. 

“Well! First I thought we'd go get bagels for breakfast from down the street, and then I think one of us may need a quick shower before we officially start our day…” Emma says with a hand on the side of her mouth, pretending to be saying a secret as she is side-eyeing you, and you just stare at her offendedly, “Aaand we are doing something tonight so maybe we should go shopping..” she says quickly and excitedly, clearly brushing past what exactly it is that we are doing tonight.

“Alright then.” you say as you check your phone for probably the 20th time in the 10 minutes you've been awake. And you can see Emma staring at you from the corner of your eye so you decide to throw your phone to the other side of the bed, getting up and ready to go. You knew she wasn't oblivious, but you did not want to acknowledge the look she was giving you right now, and honestly it did not seem necessary to bring anything up.

Besides, this weekend isn't even about him. Dylan's surprise birthday party is tomorrow and your best friend was so excited to be planning it with your help. She hadn't done anything this extravagant for her boyfriend before and she wanted everything to be absolutely perfect.

Obviously the last thing you would want to do is ruin this weekend for her, and your stupid feelings and non-relationship are included in that.

-

The walk to the bagel shop seemed awkwardly long as you were both not acknowledging the fact that your mind is very very distracted. It wasn't intentional. But feelings and places have such strong connections and the fact that things felt so unresolved was not helping. Everywhere you are here reminds you of him.

“How's your bagel?” Emma speaks up, finally breaking the silence on your walk home, thankfully giving you an opportunity to get out of your thoughts.

“Oh it's good! Thanks! I was super hungry…” you say, trying to muster up a believable enough reason for why you've been so off today. 

You continue walking and shuffling your feet in silence and are about to return back to the house before Emma looks at you and sighs loudly.

So. Close. You are literally about to step onto the driveway of the house when she stops you. 

“Ok can we just talk about it please? Because there is no way we are going to get through this entire weekend just ignoring it.” she says, stepping in front of you and blocking any sort of way for you to get out of this conversation. 

“What are you talking about?” you say with a grumble and a sigh. Knowing she is going to get it out of you. Obviously she would.

“Luke.” Emma says deadpan, waiting for your response.

For some reason at this moment you wanted to cry just hearing his name. But you also wanted to yell. Your feelings were confusing and annoying and it upset you to even have to talk about it with someone, even though you knew you should.

“I don't know. I DON'T KNOW. I can't stop thinking about him, and everything is so confusing.” you whisper-yell at her in frustration. 

It pained you to admit that you couldn't get him off your mind. You didn't realise how much you even liked him until having to admit that.

“He visited me during christmas… I mean, he did in the fall, but this time felt different.” You continue,  “We slept together again. Everything felt like it was going so well…And now nothing.” you admit to her and wipe your face with your sleeves, angry at the tears that have fallen from your eyes. 

“Has he called?” She asks warily.

“Once? Last week. It was short… but he sounded sad. He said he misses me. And he told me he really wanted to visit me. And I've texted him since then and no response.” you look down at your feet as you speak. It really shouldn't be this embarrassing to admit. It's not like you were in a relationship with him anyway.

“He's going to be here...tomorrow? I didn't know if you knew..” Emma says as she grabs your arm and slowly brings you close to her as you begin walking inside together and you nod your head in her direction.

You knew he would be here. Dylan is one of his best friends, obviously he isnt going to miss his 21st birthday. But with how things were currently going, it honestly made you wonder if Luke would even want you here. And what do his friends even know about you two? Has Luke said anything? So many questions are going through your head that it is almost making you dizzy.

-

The rest of the day is so much lighter after your earlier conversation. Emma is exponentially good at cheering people up, and maybe even to a fault, will always be on your side no matter what. But you appreciated it regardless.

You are currently finishing up putting on your makeup and getting ready to go out tonight, still very unaware of what the plan even is. But you didn't have much of a choice in the matter as Emma has picked out every aspect of your outfit tonight - down to the shoes, makeup, and jewellery.

Suddenly Emma gets a call from Dylan and runs into her bathroom to answer the phone, the music cutting out that was playing from her phone as she heads off, and silence filling the room.

You weren't intending to be eavesdropping, but you are able to hear muffled voices from the other side of the door and very hushed arguing that you couldn't quite make out. Making you curious as to what could possibly be going on tonight.

Emma saunters back into the room with hesitancy, her expression is scared and concerned at the same time as she is approaching you almost in slow-motion, saying nothing.

“What is it? Just spit it out.” you say, already knowing you are either about to hear the worst news of all time or the worst news of all time.

“Ok surprise! We're going out for sushi! Yay!” Emma says, obviously starting with the good news and you stay silent.

“And…Luke is coming out with us.” she continues, flinching at her own words as she plops herself on the bed across from you. You sit at her desk, makeup in hand, and cannot help but have an absolutely astonished look on your face. 

Nothing is able to even leave your mouth as her words run through your mind again and again.

“I am so SO sorry.” She starts. “One of the guys accidentally told Dylan that Luke is in town and I didn’t want to ruin the surprise for tomorrow, so I told Dylan that Luke and I were trying to surprise him tonight for dinner. I didn't know what else to say. It was literally the first thing that came to my mind. I'm so sorry.” she continues, worried she has done irreparable damage on your friendship.

“You can kill me now.” Emma blurts out defeatedly, wanting to keep the surprise for tomorrow and not wanting all her efforts to be ruined the day before the party.

Obviously you love that girl, but very much did want to kill her in this moment.

“Does Luke know I'm going to be there?” you ask, brushing past everything else she has said.

“Dylan said he would tell him, yeah, but if you don't want to come please don't feel like you have to.” she says with a small smile, hoping you have some-what forgiven her.

“No, I'll still come.” you say quietly but matter-of-factly.

If Luke knew you were coming, it would be weird if you decided to stay home now because of it, and besides, what would you do here alone? Thinking of what he would be doing and wishing you could read his mind is all you can think of.

“OH? This is good! Ok! Dylan said he is picking us up in 20 minutes!” Emma states, suddenly very excitedly, hoping it will cheer you up to see that she is excited. And as you continue getting ready, nervous energy and anticipation fill your body.

- 

Dylan shows up right on time, unfortunately for you, not giving you any extra time to sit and wallow in your feelings.

It was inevitable that you would be seeing Luke this weekend, but this quickly and under these conditions was not exactly ideal. You were hoping to at least be able to have a one-on-one conversation with him before being thrown into random get togethers where things have no chance but to be awkward.

The drive to dinner is surprisingly happy. Dylan seems so excited to be seeing his best friend again. He can't stop talking about the last time they saw each other and how long it has been. And Emma's laughter and giddy energy is helping you calm down and distract you just a little bit.

“The reservation is for 7pm so we might have to wait in the car for a few minutes.” Emma says, checking her phone as Dylan pulls up to the restaurant a bit early. 

The dim lighting and intimate booths look extremely inviting as you peer inside the windows of the restaurant from the parking lot. You can't help but get distracted by watching people inside as Emma and Dylan talk from the front seats of the car and are cutely chatting to each other quietly.

“There's my boy!” Dylan yells out as he jumps out of the driver's seat, running up to give Luke a hug across the parking lot.

“Ready?” Emma looks back and asks you, reassuringly placing her hand on your knee and rubbing her thumb up and down a few times.

“Guess so…” you say with a fake smile as you grab your purse from beside you, and as you are about to leave the car, you see a tall figure standing right outside your door.

Only a little bit startled, you look up to see Luke as he opens your door for you and greets you with a tired smile. He is dressed nicely in black pants and a cream cable knit sweater, his hair curly and tousled up like always. 

As you step out of the car he brings you into a tight hug, like he just couldn't wait to hold you again.

“I missed you…” Luke whispers so quietly into your ear that you almost couldn't hear him. He swiftly leaves a gentle kiss to the side of your head as he brings his hands just a bit lower down your back, “I’m sorry” he says quietly as he releases you.

As much as you want to reciprocate, you are so caught off guard by his words that you just stare up at him without a word.

“Alright let's go! I'm so hungry!” Dylan says, unaware of the tension, as he pats Luke's back and wraps an arm around him, walking in front of you and Emma and into the restaurant. 

Emma is glancing at you as you walk together, waiting to hear from you what Luke said, but you decide to ignore it with a shrug and she looks away. 

-

Dinner is filled with laughter and catching up with one another. Surprisingly it wasn't even half as awkward as you built it up to be. Dylan chatting away with Luke as you and Emma giggle across from each other about all the drama at your respective schools. 

Having a couple of drinks throughout the night was definitely helping, but regardless of that, you felt good. Really good.

“Luke, how's the love life going for you? You got a girl in Jersey?” Dylan asks with a laugh as Emma had just bragged about her and Dylan going on 2 years of being together.

She shoots you a regretful look as she hits Dylan's side with her elbow, not as discreetly as she probably wanted to, and your face turns bright red.

Luke looks down at his lap and shakes his head with a chuckle, seemingly avoiding eye contact with you at all costs.

“No man, no girl in jersey.” Luke says lightly as he takes a drink of his beer before the two of you make eye contact and he glances down to your fidgety hands that are in your lap. 

“My bad, my bad…” Dylan says with a laugh as he clears his throat and starts back to finishing the food on his plate, Emma quietly shushing her clueless boyfriend beside her.

Your nervous hands continue to pick at your cuticles and you look over to see Luke inching his hand closer beside yours on the booth bench. Looking up from your lap, you see him glancing back at you as he waits for your reaction before discreetly taking your hand in his under the table.

The feeling of his hand in yours is so comforting and familiar and immediately eases your anxiousness. But you still feel so conflicted.

Luke always knew how to comfort you and distract you from your thoughts when they were out of control. Especially during busy school semesters and many nights spent together with him keeping you company while you anxiously wrote papers and prepped for exams. 

He seemed to be there for you when it felt like you had no one else. At least that's how it used to feel. Now things feel so complicated. Not knowing the status of your relationship surprisingly taking a much larger toll on your ability to act like friends than you would have ever thought.

“So! I've got the bill tonight guys. Happy birthday Dyl!” Emma blurts out as the waiter approaches the table, she leans over to give her boyfriend a loving kiss, comfortably filling the awkward silence that had just taken over the table not long before.

“Thank you baby! And hey! thanks guys for coming out tonight too.” Dylan smiles at the both of you as he lifts up his glass for a toast. You all clink your glasses, wishing him happy birthdays that follow big swigs of your almost empty alcoholic beverages.

Walking out of the restaurant, your mind fills with running thoughts. You wish you had spoken to Luke more tonight but it was hard to not make anything obvious. He seemed good, but still weirdly sad and you wanted to talk to him about it so badly. You wanted to talk to him about everything.

As you near Dylan's car you feel Luke's hand brush against yours and lightly hold your wrist, turning you around to face him.

“Can I take you home?” Luke shyly asks you as you all stand in the parking lot together. You mutter a “sure” under your breath with a nod, and he looks to Dylan and Emma for confirmation, both of them nodding in agreement before bringing you into tight hugs and saying goodbyes.

“Tell me everything that happens girly.” Emma runs back over to you and whispers into your ear as she hugs you goodbye once more, and all you can do is let out a small laugh in response to her teenage-esque behaviour.

-

After Dylan and Emma drive away, the short walk over to Luke’s car suddenly seems agonisingly long and your heart is racing in anticipation. Over anything else that happens tonight, you really wanted clarity. But of course, thoughts of the worst possible outcome ever sneak their way into your mind.

Luke opens the passenger side door for you and you climb into his car before he gently closes the door and walks to the other side. As he gets in, he begins to start the car before he looks over to you and pauses, the quiet becoming almost painful. 

You didn't know what to say, and you didn't want to say the wrong thing. So, waiting for him to break the silence seemed to be your best bet.

“I know I should have thought of something to say…” He starts, and shuffles in his seat, slightly bending his right leg so he is facing you a little more.

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stopped responding to you.” Luke continues, and you almost want to roll your eyes at his apology. It was so hard to be understanding when this felt like such a preventable situation on his part.

But you knew Luke. You knew when he was scared he got distant. You knew he was pulling back from you. You just didnt know why.

“Things have been so…weird…lately, and I just…I know I fucked up.” He confesses.

You didn't want to be reading between the lines anymore. You just wanted him to be honest with you about what he wants, and it frustrated you that he was being so vague.

“Luke, what do you want? Like, from me?” you ask innocently, but squint your eyes closed tightly as the words coming out of your mouth sound completely different from what you intended.

“Like, you told me we were friends. And obviously I was ok with that. But when you would visit me, we’d sleep together. And when you left it was like. I don't know…” you look down and pick at your fingers as you speak, looking up at him feeling like an almost impossible task.

“You told me you wanted to be friends.” Luke states, and gently grabs your hand. He holds it in his to stop you from destroying your fingers as you speak, which causes you to look up at him, thanking him silently, as he waits on your response.

“I said that because I knew how hard it would be for us to be so far away from each other.” you say strongly, feeling the sudden need to defend yourself.

“You know how important school is to me, and I know how important your career is to you. I don't want to distract you from what's important to you. I don't want to be the one that gets in the way of things, or be the reason why you're not as focused as you could be…as much as I want to be-” you begin to confess, but are quickly cut off.

“It's kinda too late for that…” Luke says with a chuckle as he tilts his head back against the headrest of his seat and looks out the front window, frustration still evidently seen on his face.

“What do you mean??” you ask, hoping he will elaborate a little more than he has been so far.

“You already distract me. I can't stop thinking about you. And it's obvious. In my game and everything too. Even Jack has noticed and he keeps asking me about you and I don't even know what to say. I can't shut him up. Cuz how am I supposed to tell him how I feel when I can't even tell you? Its actually really fuckin annoying.” he laughs as he explains, still looking ahead out the window instead of at you. 

Luke has always sought to use humour and jokes in difficult situations, especially when it comes to his own feelings. He's clearly frustrated at himself and it hurts you to see him having such a hard time expressing himself.

“So why have you been so distant lately?! I’ve been really worried about you.” you say, suddenly feeling more confident in confronting him as he opens up to you.

“Cuz im scared im gonna fuck things up even more than I already have…” he says honestly as he turns his head to look at you again.

“I knew I should've said something from the moment we slept together the first time. I feel like I fucked up by keeping my mouth shut. It's been ruining my life to not just be honest with you.” he adds with a growl deep in his voice, anger at himself seeping through his words.

As he continues, you can't help but feel entranced by him in his current state, and suddenly you are very aware of how late at night it is becoming. 

“It's my fault...” Luke says, and you desperately try to focus on his words and not his body. 

But you can't help but think about how good his hands would feel on your body and how badly you want him to kiss you right here and now. You didn't care that you were still in the parking lot of a sushi restaurant. You didn't care that things were still so confusing and that this probably wasn't exactly the most ideal time to be feeling this way. You just felt like you needed him so badly.

“I've been treating you like shit lately. Regardless of us sleeping together, that should not change how I treat you. I've been a shitty friend to you, and I'm really really sorry.” he continues, and you are brought out of your trance. 

His words hit you so hard. You both unknowingly made this relationship so complicated and weren't even aware of it. You knew Luke was not perfect, but for some reason you expected him to be able to read your mind, and vice versa. Even after being the one to say you should stay friends, you were silently upset that nothing was happening in the way you wanted.

“Luke, it's ok. Both of us have not been entirely honest with each other lately and it's made everything so… fucked up. We’re just… in a weird spot.” you say, hoping your words make any sense considering you zoned out for half of his apology.

“Can I just say that I want to be able to fix this?” Luke says as he places his hand on your thigh, his fingers mindlessly getting higher and higher as he rubs slowly back and forth. Trying his best to soothe you and unknowingly turning you on even more.

“It isn't just on you to fix.” you say as you place your hand softly over his, stopping his movement on your leg as to not let it overly distract you.

“Yes it is. I let you down. I fucked up by being so fucking…distant. I should've been more clear about what I want…that I want you..” Luke admits, giving into what he has wanted to say from the moment you got into the car together.

His eyes are fixed on yours and it makes your heart flutter in your chest. Hearing him so confidently confess how he is feeling after so long is such a relief. It makes you want to just tell him you love him right here and now.

“I know things are complicated…but, I really don't want to not have you in my life…” Luke adds as tears begin to well in his eyes, catching you both off guard.

“Oh Lukey.” you whisper as you hold his face in your hands, your heart melting at the sight of him. 

Luke places his hands on your wrists, pulling them away from his face as he finally leans into you. 

His lips hit yours with an intensity that you have never felt before from him. His hands move away from yours, and to the base of your neck, gently pulling you closer into him as he deepens the kiss. 

Your eyes are glued shut as you are entranced by his lips finally being connected with yours as his tongue dances around in your mouth. 

Needing to have your hands on him, you reach up to brush his face with your thumbs and then begin gently tugging at the curls at the nape of his neck, causing him to lustfully groan deep into your mouth. Your mind is filled with excitement and intensity as the moment grows in mutual desire.

“I needed you baby.” You say rushedly, disconnecting with him for only a moment.

Luke smiles against your lips as you connect again, and he places his left hand on your hip, massaging his fingers into your side. You lift yourself lightly onto the centre-console, desperate to be as close to him as you can get, and he lowers his hand just below your ass to help support you.

Although being in the close quarters of Luke's car while having such a monumental conversation about your relationship was not quite ideal, you were so thankful for it at this moment.

“I needed you too.” Luke says after coming up for air, and you just stare at him with a dizzy smile, your head reeling with arousal.

He pecks your lips a few times before lowering his head to your collarbone, gently kissing your neck and leaving red marks where he most definitely has before.

Your giggles fill the car as he continues expeditiously exploring your body, wanting to savour every moment of your presence and relishing in the way he is pleasing you.

Luke looks up at you with a smile before his eyebrows furrow and he is distracted by something behind you, causing you to whip your head around to look out your window, immensely alarmed at his expression. 

Luke lightly lets go of you, allowing you to sit properly in your seat and as your eyes focus on the window, the sight of a kind-looking restaurant hostess tapping on the glass outside of your door almost sends you reeling into a panic. 

Luke quickly reassures you with a laugh, placing his hand on your arm and starting the car before beginning to roll your window down for them to speak.

“I am so sorry if I startled you, but our restaurant has closed, which means we can no longer allow you to park here, as free parking ends at midnight.” the hostess explains politely while pointing to the sign posted on the brick wall just in front of Luke's car. 

“Thanks Ma’am. We’re so s-sorry.” Luke pauses to hide his face, clearly hiding that he is about to break into laughter.

“We’ll leave right aw-” Luke laughs out, hardly able to finish his sentence before being sent into a fit of silent laughter.

“We’re so sorry. Have a good night!” you say more seriously, trying to make up for the completely unserious boy beside you.

“Goodnight guys!” the hostess says as she walks away, leaving you completely embarrassed and also scared half to death.

Luke continues dying of laughter and is hunched over the steering wheel as you punch his arm repeatedly to get his attention.

“That was awful! Why are you laughing so hard!” you say unimpressed, but still unable to hold back laughter of your own after seeing him look up at you with tears in his eyes.

“Fuck. I can't get over your face.” Luke says as he begins to come down a little, wiping the tears from his eyes. You just shake your head and begin to buckle your seatbelt, not taking any chances of having to be asked to leave once more.

“Fuck.” he says once more with a sigh, relaxing in his seat and looking over to you with a genuine smile before patting your thigh reassuringly.

You look to Luke expectantly and he stares back at you with a smirk before kissing your lips passionately, catching you off guard. 

Your hands are drawn to his face as he nudges your chin with his, causing you to lean into him even further before he pulls away from you abruptly.

“Can I take you home?” Luke asks with lust in eyes as he brushes his thumb across your cheek, admiring every single feature on your face. His words having a different meaning to both of you than they have previously tonight.

“For real this time?? Because you know we cant sit in this parking lot any longer…” you say jokingly as Luke rolls his eyes at you and begins to put his seatbelt on.

“Yes, for real this time.” He retorts. His right hand eagerly finding yours as he interlocks your fingers with his, bringing your hand up to his lips to place a tender kiss before finally driving off.

-

-

[levmada]

Hey how are you feeling?

Im glad your requests are still open. Loved the answer to my last request so I hope you don’t mind me sending in another one?

Some cute hurt/comfort with taller gn reader and postwar Levi. After the ackermanbond is gone I imagine Levi getting really sick for the very first time. Fever and everything also adding the flashbacks to when his mom got sick. And reader ofc nursing him back to health and also comforting him 🧡

im so so so so so so SO sorry😭i took literal months with this sari... i wish i had a good excuse, but i hope you like this :(

i took a lot of inspo from this eruri fic from ao3. stress cannn cause flu-like symptoms, and i wanted this to be the outcome of all those years of suffering for levi finally catching up to him.

probably not medically accurate: it's not very clear what the nature of levi's knee injury. it's seen partially crushed, but it's not clear what medical technology marley has (especially w/ the last volume cover in mind). i'm functioning on my idea that levi can't get around without a wheelchair, but he does have range of motion, partly based on the health of the cartilage/joints/bone, but mostly based how painful it is. it's more complicated than that, but i wanted to add a disclaimer anyway.

(tldr this is the levi torture hour)

➥ pairing: postwar!Levi x taller!gn!reader

➥ about: Not even Levi is invulnerable, both after the war and back then, so it's stupid to be scared when he gets sick.

Until it isn't.

➥ c/w: sick fic, post-war Levi, delirium/nightmares, reverse hurt comfort, implied past csa, happy ending (promise), medical inaccuracies, nightmares, established relationship (married)

➥ wc: 5.3k

In the comfortable, quiet rays of mid-morning, you hum to yourself, and sip your mug of tea. You watch a white cardinal with red tips toddle on the windowsill on the other side of the glass. That’s rare.

It takes off.

You trace the rim of your mug, sighing slowly but heavily through your nose. It’s getting harder not to think about it.

You want to think that—now that you and Levi are retired (what an odd word…)—it’s reached that natural time to start sleeping better. Sleeping in, not out of an absurdly rare indulgence, but to relax.

It’s been nine months, not counting the few Levi was cooped-up in the hospital.

Even for him, relaxation shouldn’t be impossible after some point. In fact, he hasn’t shot awake just before dawn for a while, anticipating a reveille that won’t ring out.

But you fought beside him; your bad habits and your happiness wrestle over the reality of your new life too.

But…

You reach across the small wood table and hover your hand over the cup of tea you poured for him; decent, but not piping hot and steaming like earlier.

This will be a once in a lifetime opportunity: you get to coax Levi out of bed late in the morning.

You stand, bringing your arms behind your head to stretch just a little as you walk to the hall, down to the bedroom. The door is cracked like you left it.

Like a tired waterfall, the vast majority of the thick covers lay spilled haphazardly to the floor, so you’re surprised even before you take a look at Levi, who’s still curled up asleep, facing your way. That leaves his back to the light glowing through the curtains.

He kicked them off?

Like the sheets, his sweater is white; his trousers are dark, loose and cut (with his knee brace on underneath). With his arms tightly crossed like that, and the harsh crease sitting on his brow, he almost looks awake and stressed out.

“G’morning, ‘Vi…”

Importantly, his pallor, normally as pale as snow, glows pink. A few strands of black cling to his forehead.

You stride over with a bit of a frown that wasn’t as deep when you were feeling just plain impatient, and take a sit on the edge of the bed.

“Are you feeling sick, baby…?”

That crease deepens. He twitches awake. "M-Mm?"

Now that you’re close, you notice his breathing is a little labored. You touch your knuckles to his temple. Eyes barely crack open.

"Sweetheart, ‘Vi… You definitely have a fever..."

You comb his bangs off his damp forehead, and they close.

The heat radiating off his skin—you grimace a little.

Actually... have you ever seen Levi so much as under the weather? You can’t even remember.

He shifts slightly, as your strokes rouse him.

"Do you feel sick?" you ask for the second time.

"Huh? I'm fine..."

His eyes finally blink open, fluttering once or twice. But then, a shadow passes over his face that seems to disprove that assertion of his.

He shoves his elbow underneath himself and starts to lift himself up. "Stop—fretting. 'm fine."

He gets most of the way; he’s resting heavily on one arm when he grunts, then leans.

"Stop, sweetheart," you huff, and take him by the shoulder. "What hurts? Your head?"

Looking dazed, like he’s not all there, he lifts his bad hand to his temple and, with his ring and little finger, feels his temple.

“Don’t know…”

"Lay back down, you clearly need some rest—even if this is rare for you, okay?"

“What?” He looks perturbed with you. “Don’t be stupid. There’s too much t’do. N’ I’m fine,” he grumbles, blatantly lying.

"Levi..." you warn.

"I'm just... tired," he mumbles. He rubs his eye with his thumb. "Fuck. Fucking tired."

His strength starts to evaporate as his eyes slip closed.

In an instant—before he collapses—you thrust your arms around him, and lay him back down on his side slowly.

It doesn’t quite hit you until you maneuver his arm out from under him, and listen to his even but labored breathing for a bit of time.

You stare down, eyes wide. Are you scared?—Or anxious?

Well either way—it’s not until you stopped being at risk for a violent death day-in and day-out for years that you even realized you were constantly anxious.

It’s not a nice feeling.

It’s okay. Though. You rationalize. Not even Levi is impervious to everything, and certainly not now. It’s stupid to be surprised.

You feel his forehead with the back of your hand one more time, and kiss your teeth. Definitely a fever, but an exact number wouldn’t hurt.

The thermometer and other simple medicines are shoved in one of the high kitchen cabinets, a second thought when you both moved into this quaint little cabin in the woods (aside from his prescriptions). You didn’t even say it out loud, even. 

Now pinched between your fingers, you stand back and stutter on your feet, unsure of what else you need. You want to need something more helpful, but the need to go and check back on him is most powerful. 

A short ways down the hall, you pick up on the unbelievable yet unmistakable sound of… crying. Unrestrained, and yet, the kind of crying that steals breath. 

You expect to wake up as soon as you reach the bedroom—some disturbing but absurd dream.

But you don’t. He’s curled up where you left him, eyes closed but now gasping sharply through his teeth with tears glistening on his cheeks. One drips off his trembling chin.

You drop onto the edge of the bed immediately, and try to speak, but find yourself helplessly stuck at a complete loss as to where to even start.

“Why…” You card your fingers through his hair, to no reaction. He must be asleep, right?—But how, why?

“Hey, hey, c’mere,” you coo gently, sitting so as to swaddle his back and caress his head.

You make it all not sound like a question. “Everything’s okay. It’s okay, sweetheart… Wake up.”

His eyes tightly shut, and tears squeeze through. He croaks. “Can wake up.”

It takes a moment for you to register that he really meant to pronounce it as “can’t”.

“…You sound sorta freaked out, and you want to talk to Falco?—Is Levi alright??”

You silently curse Gabi for being so observant.

“Which place? I have the books, um, right here…!”

“No…” You swallow a little, and coil the bright red cord to the phone around and around your finger. You wish it was as simple as some tinnitus, or nerve pain. 

“No?” Gabi asks on a high lilt; a question within a question.

“I know. He never gets sick, which is why I want to talk to Falco. I appreciate you trying to help, but please hurry?”

“Oh yeah, okay!”

You peer over your shoulder from your place stood in the hall and rock on your heels nervously. The only space of time you could find where you could bear to leave him was when he was quiet.

Falco has matured so much, even over the past year, and you trust him with this. He’s training to be a doctor; being a soldier never suited him much anyway. Levi was the first to say so, as usual the perfect judge of character. 

You speak slowly and calmly to him, encouraged by his own composure.

“It sounds like a flu, just with that added symptom,” he’s thinking out loud. Thin pages turn. “Severe stress can cause flu-like symptoms sometimes… Especially when it’s prolonged. Does that sound like anything?” 

 “No. No way.” You shake your head, your brow pinched tightly. In fact you laugh. “Haven’t fought any Titans lately, at least.”

His voice lowers, thinking as he talks. “True, yeah. Especially for you guys, nothing could ever really compare, right?”

“You have no idea. Not with Levi.”

“We can talk about it another time, maybe,” you amend quickly. You know almost for certain that’s not going to happen.

Falco hums. “Anyway, if that’s the case, that would explain why it’s been so severe, with the sudden onset. But think of it like a fever he needs to sweat out,” he explains.

“Y-Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You hear the light smile in his voice. “Don’t be too far away, though. It’s easy to tell, you know.”

You smile to yourself.

Even if the Rumbling somehow started back up above your head, you’d rather die. 

You write on a little notepad—some scrawl verbatim—Falco’s directions and words of advice, the phone trapped between your ear and shoulder. Most of it is generic, for influenza of course, but you write. 

A blunt but dense thump sounds not so far away. You even flinch, but just as quickly let Falco know you’ll be right back.

In the bedroom, the pale blue duvet and sheets spilled onto the floor looks like a stiff waterfall being wrenched this way and that by Levi’s attempts to sit back up, like a puppet trying to pull its own strings. He grunts in what sounds like frustration, but you can’t know for sure as his bangs obscure his eyes. His hair all over is a downright wreck.

Gaping, you fall down beside him and hurry working off all the offending fabrics he’s twisted in. 

“Lee—…”

Your help lets his shaky hand hover over his knee, like he can’t be sure if it’s his. He’s breathing hard; it’s ten times shakier than his hand.

“Come here.”

He doesn’t so much as twitch, but he doesn’t resist either. Then, when something in him registers that you’re there, he leans into you like you’ve just brought the weight of the world off his shoulders. 

You tug the soft pantleg up, and sigh at what you see. The scarring, like a row of pink and purple mountains stabbed into his flesh, is more inflamed than usual, leg minutely trembling when you raise it.

He must’ve tried to stand up.

“Does it hurt very bad?”

Not even such an obvious question gets you a retort of any kind. He whines softly when you have to brace that area to lift him back up, but no more.

From the dull darkened blue cotton in the shape of a V in the center of his chest, and coming down from his underarms, he’s burning up; you need to get started just as soon as you’re finished with Falco. For now, you wipe his clammy temples and brush his bangs back. He’s looking at you, but he doesn’t seem to see.

“Levi…” You press on his round cheeks under your palms, grimacing at the heat pelting off his skin.

He moans softly, some relief softening his features. “Huh. Take m’jack-et. Yer cold.”

You shake your head even though he can’t see, as, sharply and without warning, tears appear and stab at your eyes. He’s not even wearing a jacket. 

“Be right back,” you manage. “Okay?”

You don’t really expect a response, and you don’t get one.

First thing’s first, he needs water. You feel stupid not thinking of that first. That was at the top of Falco’s directions. 

You catch Levi in a moment of relative quiet—not peace, but quiet—and cradle the back of his neck, unhinging his jaw with your other. Easy enough. You tip the glass and feed him water with the utmost care and precision. This is some act terribly intimate, a type of intimacy removed from hand-holding or sex entirely while managing to rank above them both. Over all these years, his life has been in your hands a few times, but feeding him pills—something for the fever and something for the pain—and working his shirt off for something fresh and loose-fitting feels more reverent even still. You put him in shorts and practically fortify his knee with a brace and pillows wrapped up with the belt of a housecoat so even if he rolls over, he won’t.

He chokes on a sob while you’re tucking a cold press behind his neck, forcing you to stop. His eyes squeeze shut.

“Levi?” you ask softly.

Either he’s having a nightmare, or he’s in pain, or, both. He tightens his crossed arms. His first movement in hours.

“What hurts? Falco said it might be your head.”

Another sob bursts from him. “S’head’s all over the wall, looked, it… sorry….”

He continues mumbling, but none of it sounds like words. 

"Levi, it's okay, it's okay. Okay, baby? S'okay," you murmur; on and on. The washcloth has gotten smushed between his shoulder and the pillow—you set that somewhere aside. Then you lean over, rubbing with your thumbs the tears off his glistening cheeks, and messy black strands off his forehead.

Sometimes you will catch a word, sometimes you won’t. You will almost wish you didn’t the times you do. Yet you feel sworn to make sense of every mumble, a pervasive, unbreakable, urge. You’re sworn to it.

That’s how the rest of the day goes. He’s never lucid enough to eat; only enough to mumble when he’s freezing, or when he’s burning.

After dusk has bled into the sunset, and night has set in, you sit and watch over Levi religiously. To be fair, you don’t have anything “better to do”, but you hardly ate. If he knew, he’d be in your ear grumbling or otherwise dragging you by it to the kitchen, but does it matter, when he can’t know?

No, you decided, with some fucked-up determination. You want him to bitch at you when he wakes up. Not shivering trapped in an uneasy sleep.

When it gets late, you, arduously but carefully, do what you can for his knee.. He moves too much.

You wipe his face and neck of sweat, and lay a fresh, ice-cold and wet folded washcloth on his forehead. The fever is slowly getting worse.

You dote on him, carding back his bangs, and murmuring and repeating all manners of comfort you can think of. It’s becoming obvious when he’s having a nightmare.

…Finally, as Falco suggested, you’ve kept him hydrated; fever reducers every few hours. 

All that's left to do then, is sleep. This realization makes you nauseous with worry.

Nonetheless, you squirm under the covers on your side, close beside him with your face tucked in his shoulder. You take a slow, deep breath. 

It’s so discomforting; Levi can’t fall asleep flat on his back, ever, and yet…

Your head shoots off his chest before you’ve registered you even woke up—gasping, and a guttural cry from below. It’s pitch black, too dark to see.

That explodes him into motion. He repels you backwards as you grapple for his shoulders, and like fists closed around your throat, as he resists your every attempt to stop him hurting himself, as he whimpers tiredly, as his bawling stabs the most tender place inside you—you feel sick.

“Levi—! Stop. Levi listen to me!”

You’re louder than him, but nothing—his eyes won't open—and your stomach swoops just then as he almost succeeds in jabbing his knee in your stomach, an extra hard punch combined with the brace. That cry is a sob of nothing but pain.

Enough. Finally you bite the bullet, you drop your full weight down on top of him, if it means he’ll finally stop. 

At first, you’re as steady as a boat on rough waters. A huff of relief slips out when his writhing grows sluggish, quickly.

He squirms mildly under you, breathing still stubbornly labored. “Get… off me.”

He tries to raise his arms from his sides, but can’t. 

“I’ll, fuckin’ kill you.”

You viciously shake your head. “It’s just a dream.”

Are you telling only him that?

“S’ get off, you can’t, s’nough hurts ‘er.”

“L-Lee…”

You strain to make him out, as he sobs weakly. “Leave me alone already...”

His name escapes you over again like a prayer in the heat of a battle. Your determination crumbles right into dust; you fall beside him and sit up, unsure of what to do besides take his hand. You can’t bring yourself to switch on the lamp.

“It’s going to be okay.” You squeeze.

He whimpers. “…Please.”

You can’t open your foolish mouth and tell him or yourself that it’s just a dream anymore.

Falco was more correct than you gave him credit for.

Falco also warned you that it would get worse before it got better.

With the hours that keep passing—which have stretched out into two days so far—he more and more mutters in his sleep, other times under his breath, but most times he’s incoherent.

But, it’s all come to fall under one topic. 

And just like that first night, it doesn’t quite make sense, but it doesn’t have to. 

You don’t want to think about it; you just want to take care of him. Your anxiety is constant, and sharp. If only he’d wake up; you talk to him as if he’s awake—but to no response whatsoever, like you don’t even exist.

Moments you’re forced to leave him are the worst—for you and for him. Most times when you come back, the washcloth meant to rest on his forehead has drooped and sagged beside his temple.

At any rate, the difference between fever and tears has gotten hard to tell.

You just can’t stop from shaking, and your throat is tight, but Falco remains adamant that the flu is what he said it is. 

A lamp is still glowing on your side in the late night. The air is cool, and it’s quiet, but a rare moment of “peace” makes the sounds of your shared breaths obnoxious.

Your heavy eyes sting; despite that, when they creep closed you feel yourself fading in seconds, with Levi’s head tucked under your chin, upon your chest. Seemingly, any covers are too stifling for him at the moment; pressed against your collarbones, you feel his forehead is hot again. 

You cradle gently the nape of his neck, idly rubbing the knot of bone at the base of his jaw. As if you’re doing anything to protect him from anything…

He mumbles, slurring, “Y’have t’come back…”

You’re not dizzy with the shock or the horror, but it’s worse almost, to be confronted with the full magnitude of a rueless, unceasing pain that is just as lonely in its magnitude as it is devastating.

You rub his back as he buries his face in your neck, sobbing like it takes all his energy to do so. “I’ll be faster.”

“I don’ know where t’go, what do I do now?” he babbles over your soft hushes. “Wait, next time I’ll get it right...”

“It’s okay, love, it’s okay.”

“I don’ know why I even…” 

Trailing off, he starts to whimper, and can’t go on. 

He doesn’t stop, it doesn’t, not for a second while—all you can do—is hold and console him even though he may not know it.

Until he exhausts himself. Drifts. into a light sleep.

For it to happen all over again. Seeping into his sleep like crude oil, the next stress-induced terror to force his breathing shaky, labored.

"...Need," he whimpers, the first word you’ve made out in a while.

Your stomach swoops, the thought that you can do anything to help directly. "What do you need, sweetheart?"

"Don't sell it. Don't sell it, I need it."

You deflate, jaw wobbling. "Sh, sh, it's okay,” you soothe. You reach for the tray on the bedside behind you, and, using the cold cloth, you dab the sweat from his blushing temple and neck.

"S'gonna take away from m...me." He starts to pant, continuing to mumble, crying, a complete melting away. Lamenting, abject.

"Shh... Shh..."

His arm loosely draped around your waist—which you’d put there—tightens its hold, but in drifting bursts, like he keeps slipping.

“Please.”

You inhale sharply. "Please?"

"Don'. Leave me."

"I won't leave," you swiftly promise. "I won't leave, I won’t.”

He cries in his sleep for so many names that aren’t alive anymore.

Don’t go. Don’t go.

Wake up, Momma.

Wait... Just wait.

That wasn’t the worst point. Not even hunched, taken-over by so much stress and pain until he gagged was the worst point. None of what he had already said combined could amount to the last night.

You snap awake on your stomach at some blurry unknown instance, acutely aware you’ve slept like shit.

Did you even, only blink?—No. The most faintest shade of grey weakly gives your bedroom the suggestion of texture and shadow, but—your arms are empty. You reach over blindly, but the side where Levi should lay is empty and cold.

A pit bursts open in your stomach, filled with bright panic. 

You lurch up and shove off the covers, breathing hard. 

Where could he be??

If he was feeling better, then you would've woken up a while ago, because he would've told you. Not just... 

He can’t be far.

You shiver. 

On your feet, you cross the room in a few strides, and frown as you pull open the bedroom door. It's never left closed at night this time of year; it gets about ten degrees colder without the insulation. (But the chill pressing to the bottoms of your feet, you barely even noticed.)

"Levi!?"

The switch on the wall is right within reach, which lights up the hall. You look right and almost jump back; you might’ve tripped over him if you hadn’t looked first.

He sits hugging his legs—tightly folded against his chest, Levi, why?—there right outside the white doorframe. Shivering, glossy face red with fever, and most certainly in agony by now with all the abuse done to his knee, you’re not sure if he even notices you. Not from this angle.

You fall down on your knees. “Levi? Look, I’m here. Talk to me, please, okay?”

His bloodshot eyes are cracked open, staring ahead, but seemingly seeing nothing. Between the tears, you can’t tell if this is good or bad. 

"Levi..." You take his shoulder in an attempt to nudge his attention towards you. “Look at me. Please.”

He was already tense. His head turns, mostly looking at you sideways—emphasis on his pale eye—but looking at you nonetheless. Good.

"What's wrong?"

His brow knits together.

“C’mere.” You lean forward and card his damp bangs back to feel his forehead. The whole time, he just looks at you passively.

“Better... But this cold won’t help in the end. Medicine is in the bedroom, so...”

You huff very softly to yourself. “…You need more bedrest. I don’t know why you even came out here. Why didn’t you wake me up?”

He blinks.

“Let’s go back to bed,” you insist then, under your breath. 

Some clarity crosses his dark eyes, his voice then a cracked brittle rasp.  “…Not the bed.” 

His gaze sort of drifts away from you. 

You thought he was through with that habit. Confused, you ask, “Why not?”

“It’s ruined. It was always disgusting, but… this is worse.”

“I’ll change the sheets then. I know, it’s not—”

“You can’t do anything,” he says, tucking his chin to his chest, intent eyes focused somewhere down. “Corpse smell doesn’t come outta anything, it just smells worse the longer you leave it. It gets colder n’ heavier, then the smell, it attracts bugs. There’s a fluid,” he says quietly. Casually. “And then it shrinks. Getting eaten’s all the same. But I think that way’s worse.”

What can you even say to that?

“I won’t do th-at to you…” His brow furrows sharply, gripping his sleeves—you see now—with bright white knuckles. Even sitting up, he’s almost curled up into a ball.

You talk quickly, before the full gravity of all this can reach you. 

“You won’t do anything,” you insist. “How about the sofa? Would the sofa be okay?”

“I can’ go to sleep,” he hisses. “I won’t wake up.”

“That’s not true. Why do you even say that??"

"I'm sick."

"Yeah, but it’s not bad-sick!”

You regret the moment you raise your voice. That almost innocent passivity he exuded is crushed by complete and utter detachment. 

“…Denial doesn't help. Don’t be stupid. Don't even—shouldn’ touch me. It’ll end worse fer you.”

You tremble minutely, stewing in silence while in panicked, rapid-fire fashion, you rifle through explanations. He sounds so serious. And he's nothing but.

You know that Levi’s mother died from sickness. He’s called out for her, a lot.

In nightmares… A nightmare?

You guess that’s where it all started for him, as he always slips into a warm voice and delicate eyes those rare moments he does tell you about her. Being sick then, being sick with you here… It all clicks into place.

Okay. Fuck…

The real monster of it all is the fever—making him unglued like this.

You rub the bridge of your nose, swallowing thickly. Okay. 

A firm calm settles over you; for once, Levi is scared. That means you won��t be.

“Levi…” you console.

You reach out to his shoulder, only to flinch when he flinches before a push knocks into your chest. It sends you falling into your backside with an injured grunt.

Instantly, intrinsically, you know it’s going to bruise; all his strength, one hand.

Your eyes pop open to his own—uncannily—wide with his lips twisting into a grimace. 

Putting his eyes ahead again, he sucks in a choked breath and slumps. “Sorry, I thought you were… Sorry.” He gasps. “I’m sorry.”

You get back up on your knees, slowly, and settle down beside him without hesitation. You’re more frantic than ever to close this icy chasm-like space.

“It’s okay.”

He shakes his head as sharp and as fast as his rattling breaths. “I thought you were him. I don’t get it… it just kept hap-happening… Fucking…”

You see him still searching for the words to explain.

“It’s okay. It’s all okay.” 

The warmth in your voice is genuine. When it shakes, you just hate that he’s suffering with nothing you can do to lift it all away, like blood by steam. 

He grips his hair, having made himself as small as possible again. “I’m—s-sorry.”

“Shh…”

Slowly until now, you’ve been leaning in, and now you firmly rest your hand on his back, rubbing in long, consoling motions. This seems to help.

You stay like this while his breathing shudders through tears. It’ll only hurt you both to bring force into it again; either way, any way, it’s not his fault. You don’t know what he meant… but why would it be the man who came and chose to look after him?

“Sorry…”

Everything you see if one ruddy cheek and his temple glistens with either tears or sweat, and his eyes look painful.

“Look at me. Baby.”

An order seems familiar. He does.

“You trust me, don’t you?”

He understands slowly, but you know the answer. After a time, he blinks, and nods.

“Stay still, please.” You kiss his temple. 

“…Sure.”

One arm around his back, the other scooped under his knees, you lift him up into your arms with not too much difficulty. He goes tense, but leans into your chest nonetheless.

“It’s going to be okay,” you murmur as you walk. You want desperately to ask about his leg, but this feels too fragile, like if you bring up physical pain then the whims of the fever will take him back over. 

He’s trembling all over, it seems, before you lay him back down in bed, and once you do he clutches a bit of your blouse at the collar with a grip that confirms for you that he’s not letting go. You sit beside him with his waist pushed against the side of your thigh.

“I’m sorry, it’s all my fault,” he croaks out softly, staring at your sleeve which he now grips. “I wasn’t fast ‘nuff. I hesitated n’ it got ‘em killed for nothing after made the same mistake… Sorry i-was my damn pride…”

You let him talk, rather mumble. When there’s a lull, you rest your palms on his hot cheeks. Better than the last time you felt them. His eyes instantly flutter in relief.

It’s surprisingly easy to give him water, then the fever reducer. Meanwhile, he’s clearly fighting the weight of exhaustion pressing down on his eyelids.

“Don’t make me sleep…”

“I’m not. I’ll just stay by your side. Then”—you cup his cheek—“I’ll do it again.”

He hardly grunts, eyes closing.

You won’t sleep, and you can’t sleep (if there’s even a difference). In fact, you’ll bring in one of the kitchen chairs and sit by him with a novel; you’ll read by candlelight, with a handkerchief hanging like a tarp from the lampshade so maybe he can rest easy.

Being that the flu is a release of stress… He’s getting better. He’s getting better.

Hour-by-hour, more or less (but mostly less), you snap awake at the tiniest stirring from your husband beside you. Maybe mumbling a ghostly snatch of a word; mostly sniffling. It takes you half an hour to drift off again.

This unforgiving cycle obnoxiously persists until morning sunlight poking your sleeping mind wakes you. Suddenly, again. You see him.

It’s a mystery, how long, but Levi is gazing at you softly with bloodshot, but, maybe aware eye. You feel better when he glances away, like every time—if, not when—you catch him staring. Your legs are tangled slightly, his slow breaths brush your cheek.

"Baby," you murmur. "You’re awake?”

He looks annoyed. “No, I’m sleeping with my eyes open.”

“How do you feel? Be honest," you quickly add. You drape your arm around his waist.

He frowns at your tone. "...Like my head got hit with a sledgehammer.”

You say nothing.

His voice gets softer and gentler. “I don’t remember… And you look like shit. What happened?”

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“…So I’m going to be wrong,” he surmises, looking away. “I slept in too late.” 

He goes to rub his eye, and sniffs. The distress marring his expression grows. 

“It’s been a couple days, but it’s alright,” you say. You’re quick to explain as the realization seems to come over Levi that he hasn’t had a proper bath in that length of time.

Though, it’s hard to explain. It’s even harder to wrap your mind around the fact that he doesn’t remember how he’d cried, and—insinuated, what he did. What horrors he spoke of. 

You finish. Behind a thinly-veiled straight face, he stares into your eyes with the quiet accusation that you haven’t told the whole story. 

“It… was… bad,” you bear to admit. “That’s why I look like shit.”

The self-loathing that falls over his expression like a deathly shroud is instant. He looks away, glaring at nothing, but before he can think anything, you squirm much closer, tighten your hold, and kiss his chin.

“It’s not your fault. And if I had to, I’d do it all over again. So don’t start.”

He watches you for a beat, as if searching for some exaggeration, but soon looks resigned to the truth in your vow. At this long-awaited point in your lives, with some legwork to say the least, you’re relieved to know you’ve finally got it beaten into his head that you love him, whether he agrees or not.

You watch him swallow, and many emotions cross his eyes as he mulls your words over. 

“I don’t like that it’s just a flash for me,” he resolves.

“I know. But we can… talk about it?”

Honestly you’re shocked the words left your mouth. Levi also stares at you like you just spoke a foreign language. It’s pathetic, as he would say, sure, but—people like you and him don’t just talk about things like that which fueled those nightmares of his.

He looks away, considering. Finally, he brings hand up to yours, nestled deep under the covers. Your fingers clasp gently, foreheads brushing. His silvery blue eyes calmly watch yours. That’s his answer.

It’s so different, and not so comfortable right now, but you believe, now, that’s okay.

Levi masterlist | main masterlist

[oceanwithouthermoon]

OKAY im posting this crappy wip kubosai one-shot because ive been lagging severely on writing... sorry if its cringe, its completely unedited rn</3

this is roughly 1800 words.. the actual wip is about 4000 LOL but i skipped a couple parts so this is about half the wip i guess..

Kusuo was sitting at his desk with his legs curled to his chest, glaring at nothing, when his phone dinged next to him. Already not in the best mood, he sneered as his eyes snapped over to the device. The noise had disturbed one of his favorite pastimes; being moody for no reason and doing nothing, and the bright light was equally disturbing. When he looked over, it also shone the time as "1:36am" which ruined his blissful unawareness of how long he'd been brooding. His unusually accurate internal clock could have told him that, really, but Kusuo would never pass up an opportunity to be mad about something stupid.

His eyes softened significantly when he caught sight of what the notification actually was. A text from contact name "Kuboyasu Aren" with no contact picture. Yeah, that was how Kusuo kept all his contacts. Super boring and super normal.

He clenched his teeth, trying to bring his anger from before back after realizing how much and how easily his mood lifted just reading his classmate's name.

His phone had gone back to a black screen before Kusuo could read the actual contents of the message, so he begrudgingly unfurled himself from his position with a heavy sigh. He planted his feet back on the floor just a bit too aggressively and swiped up his phone as he stomped over to his bed to flop himself down on it.

When he finally turned his phone back on, the notification read “3m ago” and he clicked on it.

The message read, “hey princess when u wake up do u wanna hangout ??!? could i come overrr tomorrow please”

Annoying lack and misuse of punctuation, but Kusuo has learned that this tends to be the norm in texting, especially with other teenagers. In all fairness, the way Kusuo texts isn't very conventional either. He made fun of Toritsuka’s severe overuse of emojis once, and then immediately got ganged up on by all of the self proclaimed ‘PK psychickers’ because he tends to overuse emoticons in the same way. He doesn't know how else to express himself over text, alright? He learned to text only from his mom, Akechi, and Aiura and this is just how it turned out.

And for your information, the stupid princess pet name was just some silly thing Kuboyasu had gotten in the habit of doing lately. Trust Kusuo when he says it's much more embarrassing when he says it out loud, especially at school, than when he texts it, though knowing that his name in Kuboyasu’s contacts was “My Princess :)” was probably even worse.

Anyway, Kuboyasu had clearly made the assumption that Kusuo would be sleeping at this hour. Well, usually he would be. Kusuo LOVES getting his sleep in, but he just so happened to have taken a very long nap earlier that day, so he had a late dinner, and subsequently a late dessert. So, his usually abnormally fast metabolism hadn't quite been rid of all the sugar and caffeine he'd consumed not long ago. A series of unfortunate events, really, which culminated in him not being tired enough to sleep yet. At least he got to get in his usual ‘angrily staring at nothing for no reason’ time that he accidentally skipped because of his nap, although that did just get interrupted too.

So finally, he responded to Kuboyasu with, “I'm awake. (-.-;) Sure, I guess.”

Kuboyasu read the message and began typing unnervingly quickly after it was sent. “really ?!?!? also y r u awake lol i thought u would be asleep hours ago”

The poor guy probably wasn't expecting him to say yes immediately. Kusuo usually would argue about it for a bit before giving in to the teasing and pleading of his self proclaimed friends. It was way too late (/early) to play that game right now though, he knew he would just say yes in the end anyway. It had nothing to do with him actually wanting to see the dumb former punk who he had been unusually close with lately.

The taller boy just GOT him in a way other people never did. His undying loyalty and honesty was a refreshing contrast from many of the other people the psychic was often forced to be around. Loyal, honest, strong, romantic, protective. Not that those last few things affected the way he interacted with Kusuo or anything…

Kusuo replied again, “Yes. And I usually would be, but… too much caffeine. (￣^￣)”

Another quick response, “lol thats totally something u would do.. since ur up, r u down to call right now ?”

“To call? It's almost 2am. ಠ_ಠ Why are YOU awake anyway?”

“lol i know i know but im so bored… i just cant sleep.. we can be quiet on the call, but id like to hear ur voice right now :)”

Good grief, ew. How disgusting. “Hm… okay. ∩(｡-_-｡)∩”

(Don't you dare ask Kusuo why his internal monologue is so different from what he actually replies with. It's definitely not because he's an unreliable narrator who doesn't want to admit to himself or anyone that he actually wants to talk to a boy. Why would that be the case? Don't be dumb.)

Kusuo forgot to turn his ringer off before Kuboyasu could call him, so despite entirely expecting the phone call, the loud ringing startled him into dropping his phone on his face. How embarrassing, all-powerful psychic drops his phone on his face at almost 2am.

He scrambled to pick it back up and answer it so that the noise wouldn't wake up his parents. It would be really easy for him to just lull them back to sleep with his telepathy the second they wake up, but it would be inconvenient and his dad might complain in the morning. About either remembering waking up or just about not getting a good night’s sleep.

He finally clicked the answer button, luckily before his parents could wake up, and held back a sigh as he held the phone up to his ear.

“Hey, princess!” Kuboyasu was speaking in a whisper yell, probably also a room away from his sleeping parents.

“Hello.” He tried to speak in a way that wouldn't give away the fact that he was recovering from a smack to the face. Phone calls were a bit awkward for Kusuo, since microphones didn't pick up on his telepathy so he had to use his actual voice to speak over the phone. He always just hoped people wouldn't notice the extra rasp to his voice, but the late hour might work in his favor in this situation.

“So what have you been up to?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? Up at 2 am and you're just sitting there, doing nothing?”

“Yes, that's exactly what I've been doing. What else is there to do at 2am?”

“Well, I've been making the most of MY time, personally.”

“And how have you been doing that, exactly?”

“Thinkin’ about you.”

“...”

“...”

“... *snort*” Okay, how could that NOT make him laugh? He took the phone slightly away from his face and laughed into his hand.

“What?? It's true!�� The idiot couldn't hold back his laughter either.

“Yeah, yeah, okay… whatever, you're such a pain…”

“Yeah? Am I?”

“Yes.”

“And yet, you're here talking to me at 2 am just because I asked you to? Admit it, you love it.”

“Tch. You really need to get over yourself, you know that?”

“Well. Humor me for a bit longer, will you?”

“You're desperate.”

“For you.”

Kusuo muttered into his hand, “Oh my god.”

“I wish I could see your face right now, I know you're blushing.”

“Yeah, right. Not like you can prove that.”

“You want me to?”

“What do you mean?”

“You want me to come over there and check?”

Kusuo could hear the smirk in Kuboyasu’s voice. The jerk knew Kusuo couldn't say no to him. They both knew this game. Kusuo would deny him just for show, even though they both know he wants to say yes, and Kuboyasu would tease the truth out of him. Well, fine. Kusuo could play this game.

“You want to sneak out of your house and into mine at 2am just so you can check how successful your teasing is?”

“Mhm. Not just that, I would do anything to see my pretty princess’ face right now. I'm bored, you're bored, the only solution is for the knight to rescue the princess from this ailment, obviously.”

“You're an idiot.”

“You want to see me, I know it.” And he did. Kusuo could hear shuffling over the phone. That asshole was probably already putting his shoes on, knowing Kusuo would say yes. “What, you scared to prove me right? You don't want me to see your pretty pink face right now?”

… Kuboyasu was good at this game. He knows that husky voice is fucking irresistible. To Kusuo, at least. “... Okay, okay. Only so I can prove you WRONG.”

He knew Kuboyasu was smiling, but then the mood settled a bit. “You serious, Saiki? I know I'm messing with you, but I won't pressure you if you don't wanna sneak me in. I mean, that's kinda a lot to ask now that I'm thinkin’ about it. I really wanna see you, but I wouldn't make you do that.”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up, I've already made up my mind. Are YOU sure? You realize how late and dark it is, yeah? You can't just stroll the streets at 2 am, you're gonna get hurt.”

“Awee, you worried about me, princess? No need, your knight in shining armor can protect himself just fine.”

"... Fine. Just stay on the phone with me."

"Hm? While I walk?"

He figured Kuboyasu wouldn't want to have a conversation over the phone in favor of paying attention to his surroundings, but... Kusuo couldn't help but be nervous about his friend's safety at this hour. He just wanted to make sure he was fine the whole walk.

"We don't have to talk, just... stay on the phone with me..."

Kuboyasu snorted. "What, you gonna miss me in those, what, ten whole minutes?"

Kusuo scoffed quietly. "Don't be so full of yourself. I'm just making sure you don't trip and fall or something at 2am on the way to my house. Wouldn't want the blame to fall back on me." He somehow still managed to convey snark in his almost monotone voice despite his whisper.

Kuboyasu chuckled softly, as he snarked back teasingly, "You know I can take care of myself. Can't believe you're still worried about me~."

Kusuo did know that. It didn't change anything. And he WASN'T worried, he just knew that his various nuisances tended to get into trouble when he wasn't there to monitor them. He was always getting them out of trouble even in broad daylight, so there was absolutely no reason to think that walking alone in the middle of the night would prove to be an exception.

"Just shut up and don't hang up, alright?"

He heard the quiet creak of a door closing and shutting, barely drowning out Kuboyasu’s attempt at muffling his laughter. "Alright, sweet boy. I'm right here."

-

EWWWW CRINGEE EW THEY HAVE COOTIES

[khuzena]

Hello! Could you do headcannons for Phoenix, Omen, and Yoru with a s/o that struggles a lot with paranoia? Like, they constantly feel like they're being watched and it gets in the way of sleeping sometimes. I've been struggling a lot lately so this would be cool. Thanks! :)

Paranoid

Phoenix, omen and yoru x g/n!reader

Tw: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort

*gets writer's block* anyways I've been posting rlly slow and i just wanna say im sorry but I'm having a hard time doing the recs due to lack of motivation, I'll try to do all of them but im focusing on non smut fics for now

Phoenix

In the early stages of your relationship he was already aware of your paranoia and brushed it off because he thought it's just gonna go away.

Oh boy was he wrong; every night he'd check up on you at night, he'd go to your room and kiss you goodnight but on the next day you were still awake with eye-bags and noticable trembling hands.

He wanted to figure out what was wrong so he went online to search about it and he thought you had insomnia.

Before you slept he bought you insomnia pills, put it on your counter and said that you should take it because it might help.

You giggled at his ministrations, it wasn't exactly what you needed but his heart was in the right place, instead you told and educated him about Paranoia on how it's been a while and it has been reoccurring every night.

Phoenix was confused at first, nobody's here at your room at night? Is it because cypher's stalking you again? He still doesn't know why but he tries to help.

It was 11 pm but he wanted you to have a good sleep right now, he felt dejected that you're struggling with this and he was your boyfriend, he was supposed to know but he didn't.

As you lay down the bed while staring into oblivion, he snapped you out of it and held your palm, trying to crack up a stupid joke so you'll feel a little better.

"Do you know that yoru looks like mordecai? You get it? Ha—hah..."

It did help a little bit but not really, phoenix decided to just lock your doors, make sure not even a crevice is seen from outside and lay down in bed with you, slithering under the covers and tightly holding your body.

He asked if you were ok that he's doing this but you don't mind, he starts asking you about life to distract you from these bad thoughts and it's actually helping.

In a few minutes, he'll kiss you again and question you if you're alright now so you could both sleep, you replied that you were ok so he took that as a good sign.

Though in the middle of the night you'd be trembling in his arms and he'd jolt back awake asking you what happened, when he heard you saying that you felt watched and awkward again, phoenix kept reassuring you that no one's around other than him and that if there was any asshole who tried to creep on you, their noses would be broken and they'll be burnt. (Im talking about you cypher)

Omen

Every night, omen would just stalk you in the shadows to make sure you're safe when you're sleeping because he doesn't need sleep after all.

But when you confront him that you felt scared when he watches you in the middle of the night with glowing eyes he'd ask you why though? Omen's only doing this to protect you at night so why?

After you explain to him that you had paranoia and that you felt really uncomfortable being watched he'd stop.

Even though he stopped watching you at night, he noticed that you were still paranoid as shit and couldn't sleep for days straight.

In the middle of the night again, he'd sneak in your room but when you noticed him you were trembling but soon calmed down when omen shushed you that you're going to be alright because he's here.

Omen would hold you against his chest and would stay still for the entire night so you could sleep better.

If you did randomly tremble in your sleep because you had a nightmare that someone was out there to come get you and hurt you, he'd be rubbing your back and would try to tell you to calm down and he's here.

He's not the best at comforting you but he tries and it still works.

Yoru

He's the absolute worst when it comes to dealing with your paranoia, disappointed but not surprised.

When he found out you had paranoia, he even laughed in your face that you were weak for thinking about that.

But you started avoiding him and he starts bugging you about why did you but you shut him off and slam the door on his face.

He ran to jett and the others for advice and he'd come to the realization that he was an ass and he deserved it.

After a lot of thinking, at 12 am he knocked on your door quietly and started banging on the door aggressively and saying that you should open the door.

Well that worsen your paranoia but you open the door with tears in your eyes, thinking you did something wrong but he just came to apologize for what he did.

You explained to him what you experience at night especially if it's dead silent and it's too uncomfortable for you.

He holds your hand and tells you that no one's going to get you as long as you're with him.

Yoru would never leave you alone when you sleep, even if you disturb his sleep when you get nightmares he doesn't give a shit, as long as you're ok he doesn't mind.

Yoru's happy because you feel safe in his arms at night, he won't admit it but the big smile on his face when he cuddles you while you're sleeping says everything that he's too shy to admit.

Naur I did not just not write or updated in like what 5 days or idk but I've been out of motivation and god did this took every energy i have for this day. Though thank you for waiting, once again also thank you for reading and requesting ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

[solomons-pact-tattoos]

Incoming vent: cuz I'm a ball of stress rn

I'm trying for a job at the movies and the apps so confusing by the time I figure this shit out i do believe they will stop hiring RIP COME ONNN...

I need a job . But also something better than retail fuck retail I been working retail for years it sucksss and also, I been awake cuz idk? Adhd maybe? And just cleaning my room like a crazy person lol maybe I'm a nervous wreck I definitely am. I haven't been replying to stuff as quickly as usual cuz I been so stressed... I haven't had a job in a while cuz I been feeling... idk like I suck at everything so why try? I keep quitting or getting fired when will the cycle end.. ugh.. it's just very discouraging yah.. so I'm nervous I'll screw up this job too like the others..yah. part of the reason I haven't been even looking for a job in a while is that. Im glad my mom is being patient w me. Cuz my anxiety and depression gets the best of me at times. Those close to me know that too well... yahhh.. I get depressed and yah. Anxious too. It's bad sometimes. Real bad. I'm glad you guys are patient w my stupid ass too. Thank you. <3 I'm trying so hard to adult lol and to keep it together for you guys...I don't even drive yet I'm too scared.. im.. yah in trying to push myself more. I used to go to college too. Need to go back and get a REAL career one day. I do hope. That's a whole nother story..college.. I can't go til I get a grant.. cuz I lost my scholarship for quitting too many classes and 1 bitchy professor failing me cuz I'm too shy in class. Fuck them. Yah. Anyway. Yah. That's discouraging too so much to get nervous about. That asshole professor even threw away my paperwork stating I'm autistic and need help and I'm shy esc. All about my autism. I got the paper from my school counselor who told me to give the papers to my professors. But that 1 bitch prof. one threw it away right in front of me. Fuck em. Hate em so much. Theatre class was a waste of my time.yet I passed mythology class the professor for that LOVED me . So yah. Theatre guy was biased af. I also passed art. And that was HARD AF i had to take extra trips to get extra credit but i did it and prof loved me. Theatre guy was the only bitch who hated me. Like i even did extra credit trips for Theatre for them yet. Yah. Im unfavored apparently idk. should have reported them to the dean like everyone told me to. But i didn't like a dumbass lol. Now it's too late so rip. I'm going back eventually for zookeeping or voice acting cuz tbh choosing is hard. But ya I'll get a grant. I'm trying next year. I'm gonna try driving next year too. I'm pushing myself to adult.

-jax

[pineappleciders]

i have been playing genshin since december of 2020.

i have waited two and a half years for ganyu. i have grinded. i have slaved myself away at my computer for hours. i had level 90 amos bow waiting for her. a full wanderers set. enough qinxins and whopperflower nectar to last twenty lifetimes. 6 million mora. 400+ heros wits. talent books. cryo shards. i have wanted her since release and never have i ever gotten 1. her on any of her banners 2. a chance to get her (as i stopped playing coincidentally before her last rerun)

i did it. i won the 50/50. i stayed awake for 8 hours too late just to watch the clock tick from nahida and nilous banners. i counted down the seconds. i hadn't wished in so long, i was shaking and so so nervous while wishing for her.

and shes here. shes back with her family. ive had zhongli, hu tao, and xiao waiting for her to join. she can finally be reuniitef with her father and siblings. one day i will get her girlfriend, keqing, so ganyu can live happily ever after.

i immediately maxed her out to level 90. i immediately crowned her primary attack. (i was gonna crown her other talents but i ran out of her talent books. i have everything else though) i completely ripped away ambers entire build for ganyu. i have waited so so so long. i was so prepared for ganyu, i immediately maxed her level to 90 while my mona who i got the day i started playing genshin impact is still at level 80(and NOT ascended) because i dont want to waste my fucking resin on oceanid. but now i have ganyu to torture those stupid fucking birds that always snipe me. razor can only do so fucking much with his 6 second cd skill that only has a chance to electrocute the birds. but ganyu has swept me off my feet and come to save the day. i love ganyu. i've been neglecting all of my characters to save up and grind for ganyu. i have like 6 characters at level 1 that i havent touched. i have been ignoring tighnari, only pulling him out for those stupid dendro monuments because it makes me feel cool to use a 5 star instead of collei.

i kid you not i cried when i got ganyu. i cried. i shed tears. wishing is so stressful seeing that yellow star and praying to all of the gods that you'll win your 50/50. and it happened. i have never been so satisfied with ny work.

and now because i can't find a purpose to keep going if i'm not grinding for some character on a video game, i am going to start my journey for the next raiden shogun banner. i don't care how badly i want scaramouche. i don't care how badly i want itto. i will dedicate my life to farming for ei because i find immense joy in organzing and grindinng and preparinf thi gs. anyways im super happy. thx if you read this all

[sleptwithinthesun]

I NEED Steve reacting to Eddie’s kitten sneezes.

lmao don't we all. please enjoy a humble 1.8K fic, written straight from my goddamn soul because im insane about these two :)

It's beyond late when Steve pulls up to the Munson trailer, almost breathless with worry, shaking with the amount of pure anxiety and adrenaline in his system right now. He hates this, so much more than words will ever be able to express. The Upside Down has a special way of fucking with his psyche, pulling everything he's worked so hard to push down up to the surface and letting it breathe for the first time in years, life regained even though it was buried long ago. But for them, buried never really seems to mean dead, does it?

He pulls his Members Only jacket tighter around himself, the normally-calming night breeze biting into him. April in Hawkins is no joke, with the temperatures tending to be pleasantly cool during the day and plummeting back down during the night. As he approaches the trailer, he notices that most of the lights are still on, meaning that Eddie might still be awake. At least Steve won't be waking him up.

Three knocks on the door are all it takes for him to hear movement from inside the trailer, and he breathes out a sigh of relief as Eddie's footsteps move closer to the door. "Uncle Wayne? I thought you weren't going to be back until Thur—" He cuts himself off as soon as he sees Steve standing there, obviously taken aback. To his credit, though, his recovery is swift, even as tension bleeds into his limbs. "Oh, uh, hi. What're you... what are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry," Steve starts, drinking in the sight of Eddie. It's a relief to see him like this, messy-haired and in baggy pajamas and breathing, "for barging in on you. I just... I needed to make sure you were okay."

As soon as the words leave his mouth, he realizes how stupid they sound. He could have just picked up the phone and called him, there was no need to drive all the way over here, not really, but Steve needed to see. To confirm Eddie's safety with his own eyes.

Eddie stares at him for a moment, before nodding, a sad smile tugging at his lips. "Yeah, I get that. Do you want to come in? It's a bit of a mess since I was cleaning, but the couch is fine." He lets Steve lead the way before following, closing the door behind the two of them and locking it, like he doesn't expect Steve to leave for a while. "Are you alright?"

Steve laughs humorlessly, sitting on the couch and looking down at his clasped hands. "No, not really."

To his surprise, Eddie wastes no time taking a seat next to him. "Do you, I don't know, maybe want to talk about it? I've been told I'm a good listener."

"And who told you that?"

"Most of the people who actually talk to me," Eddie says, shrugging. "My uncle, for one. Gareth. Dustin. And, uh, that's kind of it."

Steve leans back, turning his head so that he's looking at the other man. Eddie's not quite looking at him, in a similar position to Steve's just moments previous, his blank gaze transfixed on a bottle of cleaning spray that he must have left on the coffee table. "That's still not a lot."

"Not a lot of people wanted to talk to me even before I was a fugitive, Harrington."

"Fair point," Steve concedes. "Are you sure? I don't want to, like, crash your night or whatever."

Eddie scoffs, finally glancing over at Steve, even if it just lasts for a second. "Don't worry, you're not crashing anything. So far, it's just been a party between me and the dust bunnies." At Steve's tired expression, he sobers slightly. "It can wait until tomorrow, seriously. Besides, I wasn't going to be sleeping anyway."

He brings his legs up to sit in lotus style, and weirdly enough seems comfortable in it, relaxing against the back of the couch. His slumped posture causes his T-shirt to practically swallow him. It depicts the Metallica logo, because really, what else would Eddie sleep in? His sweatpants even have tiny bolts of lightning printed all over them. "What's bugging you?"

"The Upside Down," Steve tells him, averting his gaze again, absently cracking his knuckles, one by one, as he speaks. "I don't know if you've felt it, too, but it, like... it plays with your mind, man. Makes you remember things you don't want to, things you didn't even think you could remember anymore. And I don't know, I guess I've just been a bit paranoid about it all."

"I know what that's like." He glances over, sees Eddie with that far-off look again, and looks away. "Hell, I haven't slept in almost six days because of the nightmares." His nose twitches, and he inhales sharply, breaths stuttering with what Steve assumes to be emotion. "It's all just on repeat, right? Childhood memories combined with everything that happened, warping until they're the same fucking thing and—"

"—there's no escape," Steve finishes. "Yeah. It's exactly like that."

Silence stretches between the two of them, oddly comfortable, until Eddie breaks it with a sudden gasp. "hh'hg'nxt! gKT! hih'hh'kXsht!"

"Bless you," Steve tells him, taken aback by the suddenness of the triple. In the past week, he's gotten used to Eddie's common sneezes. Sort of. He's no longer surprised by the amount of them, at least.

"Ugh, sorry," Eddie mumbles, wiping at his nose with ringless fingers. "It's all this goddamn dust from cleaning. I'm listening if you still want to talk, I promise. Might just interrupt you a couple times."

"That's alright. I didn't really have much more to say, anyway, just needed someone to talk to." He shifts his weight, leaning forward and preparing to stand. "Sorry, again, for barging in on you."

Eddie looks up from where he's rubbing at his nose, which is already turning pink near his nostrils. "Wait, are you trying to leave?"

"Um, yes?"

"Dumbass," Eddie says, shaking his head affectionately. "Stay here. It's pitch-fucking-black outside, you really think I can let you drive in good conscience? I've got a couch and a bedroom, so take your pick. Or don't, I can always choose for you." With that, he turns away and crushes another set of sneezes into his shoulder. Steve's impressed. Only six since he's been here, which has to be some kind of all-time low. Eddie was a mess in the warehouse with all the dirt and dust. "h'kTt! ktsh! nGxt!"

Steve glances around, hoping there's a tissue box in the room, and comes up empty. "Bless you."

"Thanks." He stands up, pressing his bandana against his nose, and holds out his free hand to Steve. "I'm putting you in an actual bed, okay? No arguing."

"But—"

"That's an argument. You just sealed your fate," Eddie says, grabbing his hand when Steve doesn't go for his and dragging him down the hall. "My room."

Steve huffs out a breath, allowing Eddie to guide him for a few moments before an actual argument pops into his head. "You're just going to get worse if you stay in the living room, though. I mean, you said it yourself, it's all the dust."

Eddie actually pauses at that, contemplating, then keeps moving forward. "Well, then, I suppose we'll just have to share."

Oh.

See, the thing about Eddie Munson is that while he may be lacking in actual confidence in himself, once there's an idea in his mind, there's nothing anyone can do to talk him out of it. Meaning, Steve's about to spend the rest of the night in his bed. With him.

Jesus Christ.

"Fine," he manages, shrugging his jacket off the moment Eddie lets go of his wrist, intent on getting this over with as soon as possible. While a part of him is secretly thrilled at the prospect, the majority of him is anxious as hell. Steve's pretty sure he hasn't had a good night's sleep ever since he heard Chrissy was murdered.

Steve's still in pajamas, at least, so he doesn't have to borrow any of Eddie's clothes. He drapes his jacket over the back of the chair in the room, then glances over at his apparent bedmate for the night. "Are you coming?"

"Y-yeah, just gohhtta..." He breathes slowly for a couple seconds, knuckle pressed against his nose, but still loses the fight. "Shit, fuck, oh my GohhdT'sh! gxt'uh! mpt'shh!"

"Stop stifling. For the love of God, how many times do I have to tell you this? You're just going to make it worse," Steve says, walking over to the bed and lifting the covers. Maybe this won't be so bad.

Eddie stares at him for a second, nose still twitchy. "You know what, you're bossy. Has anyone ever told you that before?"

"Sure," he says, with a private roll of his eyes before his tone softens. "Get in. You need to sleep too, Eddie."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Eddie grumbles as he crosses over to the bed, grabbing a tissue on the way and quietly blowing his nose. There's a whole box of them on the floor, Steve realizes, carefully placed so that they're within easy reach, with a small wire trash can right next to them. "I'm glad you're staying."

He exhales slowly as Eddie turns off the lights. "I am, too," he admits to the ceiling.

"I'm glad that you're glad," Eddie says, sliding into bed next to him.

"Don't get all sappy on me now, Munson."

"Me? Sappy? Unheard of."

Steve laughs quietly, the last sound before they both start settling down. Now that he's in bed with the lights off, all the exhaustion he's been carrying around finally sinks into him, and he wants nothing more than to sleep. He's almost there, too, when Eddie suddenly crumples with an actual fit of uncovered sneezes.

"h'iTshh'uh! ik'tsCh! hih'kshh! kSHh! Fuck, sorry— h'isHh! ishH'uh!" He's panting by the end of it, sniffling back sudden congestion and barely even noticing what he's just revealed.

"Are you kidding me?" Steve asks, pushing himself up on his elbow. "You've been stifling all this time for that?"

He can only imagine the quizzical look Eddie's sending him. "Fuck, Eddie, that's adorable. You sound like a kitten. I mean, that's barely even different from when you stifle, Christ, why do you even bother?"

"Shut up," Eddie whines, rolling over so that he's facing Steve and poking him on the face, landing just to the side of the incredulous smile that's gracing his face. "Go to sleep."

Miracles upon miracles, he does end up sleeping through the night. And when he wakes up in the morning, Eddie is curled into his side, sinuses swollen and exhaling wheezily before Steve pulls him out of the dust-ridden trailer and into the fresh April air so that he can actually breathe.

[deadcrybabysmut]

took two tabs of acid 12 hours ago and im still reeling. today has been a chaotic rollercoaster of laughter, tears, and anger—so much fucking anger.

i don't know how I would have managed to make it through the day if it weren't for the two people who understand me and see me and resonate with me the most. they grounded me. especially when i couldn't handle my trip going south when their shitty mom came home and fucked up the vibe.

anyway i wanna sort of get out what happened tonight in this post so i can essentially look back on it later 🤸🏽‍♀️

also, every one of our seven cats avoided me like the plague while tripping and that made me so fucking sad, until i realized i was probably freaking them out lmao which is understandable and if I were them I'd have told me to go fuck myself too tbh

ok so when i initially took the tabs, i was already twenty minutes into watching I Am a Hero which I lowkey was expecting to be horrific—boy was I fucking WRONG 🤡🤡🤡 this movie was too fucking funny FOR WHAT?

—had me crying about what I would do if the only foods available during the apocalypse were all the ones I hated (i would simply die bc ain't no way im eating eggs or pork or seafood like what kind of shit is that?? 😵🤮🤮) THEN I started thinking about the mfs who would get bit and not say anything! like BITCH HELLO????? WHY MUST WE SUFFER BC YOU WERE THE WEAK LIIINK???!! but then I was like lol same 🤭 bc fuck you lucky mfs. yeah, im butthurt and y'all ain't gon know until it's too late oop 💁🏽

there was also some weird "i shouldn't be a creep bc she's a high schooler and it's a crime" type moment which led to me giggling about how Hideo really almost became a meal for copping a feel??? idk shit was funny in the moment really and hearing HOW the girl got bit before all that, made it so much funnier (spoiler: it was by some stupid baby lol what a loser. to get turned by someone with six baby teeth lmfaoo couldn't be me. anyway...)

there's only one zombie I have to talk about—THAT FUCKING ATHLETIC ONE. bitch ain't no way mans was training that entire time for that fucking hard, and no one put it together???!?! I saw dude's caved in head and how he would THROW HIMSELF onto his head FOR FUN and I just KNEW we needed to keep an eye on that mf. he killed that shit tbh 🤣🤣

anyway by the end of the movie i had already cried twice about having to eat eggs if zombies were running rampant lmao and i damn near had a stroke laughing at ol girl becoming half a zombie bc of the six baby teeth that scraped the back of her neck. LIKE????? idk. fortunately, 10/10 recommend watching on acid / would do again! maybe! 👉🏼👉🏼

*just gonna throw in here that we started watching Robin Hood Men in Tights immediately after this, and if you've seen that movie, you KNOW that shit was hilarious! throw in an acid trip and it's a fucking masterpiece 💀 unfortunately we didn't get through it all because shitty mom showed up and pissed everyone off bc she refused to eat anything all day and decided it would be everyone's problem! we made her food, she didn't eat it. her husband bought her food, she didn't eat it. instead, she cried about feeling nauseous, picked a fight with her husband over nothing, then told us she was leaving to her mom's house. 😐😐 After reassuring me they were ok, I made my siblings go to bed and spent two hours talking myself down I was so fucking livid. I'm still very much wide awake and functional, but I really don't want to be soo I'm going to force myself to crash I guess???

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

lunares.

JAVIER PEÑA ; NARCOS ┃ USEFUL LINKS.

❝ request by @catcher11: Hello, Aurora! I hope you're having a wonderful evening (or day). I heard about the request, and I was hoping to get no.11 from the fluff prompt (the one about dancing) with Javier Peña. I just love the idea of reader and Javier being both playfull and sensual with one another and Javier being delighfully surprised by reader's dancing skills since she didn't seemed like the dancing type. As a native spanish speaker, I LOVED the dialogue on the Disaster fic and it meant a lot to me. Anyways, sorry for all the rambling. Thank you so much for everything!!!

❝ prompt: “where did you learn to dance?”

❝ words: about 1.1k. (including the translations)

❝ a / n: don’t forget to comment and reblog if you liked it, i’d really appreciate it!

Definitely, this is a blind date. You can't believe that Connie has played dirty with you, pushing you to one of Steve's friends' arms. Another DEA agent with a look of asshole that makes you wrinkle your nose in disgust. You have had to do your best to not roll your eyes when he has taken off his aviator sunglasses with an air of cockiness and a smirk that has pretended you to fall for him. You have forced a smile for commitment while shaking his hand for mere education.

Drinking your cocktail through a baby blue straw, you watch from the table your friend dancing with her husband, as Javier is sitting by your side smoking a cig and —probably— looking for a victim, after understanding you're out of his league. Poor of the girl who ends the night with him, hearing empty promises that will disappear in the morning when he dispatches her from his house. You can't help but look at him sideways, observing him lick and bite his top lip almost touching that stupid and old-fashioned mustache above his mouth. And it's too late to pretend you don't have your eyes on him when Javier catches you staring at his gestures.

“¿No bailas?”

(You don't dance?)

“No con tipos como tú”.

(Not with men like you).

He chuckles bowing his head as he shakes it slightly, placing an arm over the backrest of your chair, leaning closer to you, and invading your personal space not giving a shit if that bothers you or not.

“Así que… no sabes bailar”.

(So you don't know how to dance).

“Sí que sé”.

(Yeah, I do know how to).

“¿Sí? ¿Cómo o dónde aprendiste a bailar?”

(Yeah? How or where did you learn to dance?)

Squinting at him in silence, you quickly know what he is trying. Challenging you. You're too sober for this, drinking your cocktail in one gulp under his surprised eyes to stand up and offer him a hand. Of course you're going to show him how good you dance and make him, therefore, eat his words. Javier holds it delighted with a triumphant smile curving his lips, provoking you a strong desire of changing your mind or erasing it from his mouth with a good punch.

As a song ends and another a little more sensual starts, you face him in the middle of the dance floor. Without any shame, he grabs your other and pulls you straight to his body. A defiant look coming from you causes him to raise both eyebrows, feeling his fingers touring your sides to lead on your hips. You swing them slowly at the rhythm of the latin melody throughout the speakers. Your feet moving in sync make it so much easier, seeming greatly surprised that you know what you are doing.

It's not cumbia, bachata, rumba o jive —it's a mix of all of them. Passion and sensuality wrapping you as the song continues and becomes a little more intense, more lustful. Your bodies are too close. Practically, there's no distance between the two of you when he urges you to turn around, sticking his chest to your back as his arms surround your neck and your waist. You can feel his breathing against the skin of your neck, dizzying you and drying your throat. You haven't noticed how pleasantly Javier smells, and that's a problem for you. You've fallen into his trap and it seems it's too late to escape.

Lacing his fingers with yours, he makes you spin twice before pulling you closer again, face to face. A hand on your lower —lower, lower— back and the other on your left cheek. A leg between yours, encouraging you to dance your hips against his, slightly raising the gems of your white dress. Your fingertips land on the back of his neck and his scalp respectively, closing your eyes as he sinks his nose in the sweet spot under your ear.

The heat is evolving your whole anatomy, but it disappears when the song ends.

Breathless and eager you put distance between your bodies, faking a proud smile after showing him that you can dance. But he has the same gesture on his face that you're fighting to hide. That silent gaze that strips you to bend you over the bar, ready to make love to you. There are big differences between one act and the other. When you want a night-stand, you don't repeat. You make it fast to satiate your animal instincts. You want pleasure and that's all. And this is not the case right now, right here. You want to stay tangled in the sheets —yours or his—. You want to kiss every single part of his body. You want to worship him. You desire him. Just like he feels about you.

“Having fun?”

Steve's voice brings you two back to reality, to the dance floor, forcing you to break eye-contact. But neither of you are prepared to answer. Were you? Connie puckers her lips. Her plan has worked. You don't know it, Javier either; but she knew you would fit like two pieces of a puzzle. You have more similarities than you think, common things, strong-willed that can complement each other to perfection.

Because of the lack of response, Steve nods with his head deciding is time to leave for them and give you some intimacy. And you don't want to recognize it, but you're really grateful for them disappearing for a damn time.

You have spent all the night awake, losing the track of time after giving you more pleasure than your body can handle. Covered in sweat and suffocating heat, you're lying naked by the other's side, trying to recover your breaths as the sun starts to wake up and shine on the horizon of Colombia.

“Pareces muy concentrada”. He whispers caressing your hair with so much tenderness that spreads some shivers down your backbone.

(You look pretty concentrated).

“Te estoy contando los lunares”. You mumble using your fingertips to roam his neck.

(I'm counting your moles).

“Avísame cuando acabes”.

(Lemme know when you're done).

“¿Para qué o qué, ah?” You can't help but chuckle, lying down on your flexed arms and your head tilted towards him.

(For what?)

“Para buscar un lápiz y pintarme algunos más, así te entretienes otros cinco minutos y no te vas”.

(To find a pencil and draw some of them, so you're entertained for another five minutes, and you stay here).

He's a Casanova, that's for sure, making you laugh while shaking your head.

“Este es mi favorito”. You confess, touching the small one under his jawline.

(This is my favorite).

Leaning down, you kiss it. You trap him between your lips, pressing it with the tip of your tongue. Javier can't hold his reaction growling pleased as his arms embrace you again more closer, tangling his legs with yours. Seems like he's ready for another round of idolizing your body and making you a little more addicted to him.

GENERAL TAG LIST: @mayans-sauce @peoniarose @destynelseclipsa @band-psycho @myakai13 @petlaufeyson @-im-fantastic- @horsesandwolvesaremyanimals @rocketqueen @rosieposie0624 @ellyseveronica @Jessprins13 @diaryofkali @ravenmoore14 @starrynite7114 @kenbechillin @miahelen @monkeyluver4546 @sheeshgivemeabreak @jadesamhart @rawrlittlepanda-95 @megapeacelovemusic-blog @katsav17 @skits90s @wildsould1221 @littlekittymeow @tenderclio @badame1240 @regalbanshee

NARCOS: @trulysuccubus @purrrrfect @diogodxlot @danniburgh @velia27 @catcher11 @pedritobalmando @mys2425 @tanyaherondale @kalimont83 @scullys-alienpussy @acourtofsnakes @pascalesque @encounterthepast @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @gemini0410 @nikkixostan @lozaa94 @arveeee @thoughtfulpandelwasteland @cjbtw @goldielocks2004 @aurelie-celine @spideysimpossiblegirl @agirllovespancakes @kingpascals @im-an-adult-ish @hoam-2

[lovee-infected]

When will it come out where Epel cut off MC I am still waiting until this day (I'm waiting) I'm not rushing you at all but I hope you are doing well 😢 (im sad)

“Apple of my eye”

(A/N): Sorry that it took so long! Hope you enjoy this anyway dears! ~ ♡

Ever since Epel decided to cut ties with you after learning the truth of you being a girl, his life has been nothing but an absolute nightmare. He's got his days filled with fear and his nights filled with regret, wishing there to be a way for both of you to forget. Forget all the times you made him laugh, and all the times he made you cry. He wanted there to be a way for the of you to move on with your lives as if you'd never hurt one another like now. But as it is for now, he is just one step far from being trapped inside this hell forever alone, because you're finally about to leave the twisted wonderland, forever.

Living in Night Raven college has brought you nothing but pain since the day Epel, your trusted best friend and the guy you once loved rejected you after learning the fact that you are a girl. Each and every second spent around all your friends and people you used to admire felt like a torture. How long? For how long are you going to wait until them too throw you away like Epel did? For how much longer can you pretend to be fine until everyone left around you turn their backs on you as well? Days? Weeks? Months? Or have they already given up on you?

You can't take it, it just hurts so much. Even when there's a friend around, it feels like you're ready to break down in tears and run away again and again; just like it happened with Epel. Why does it hurt you so much though? You were supposed to be strong. You were all on your own when you first came into twisted wonderland, you thought you'd be able to handle it again on your own from now on. But uh, how wrong you were. To think that you'd be as strong as you used to now that your dearest one has left you behind...

No wonder why you immediately agreed to Headmaster Crowley's offer when he argued that he might've found a way to send you back home by passing through the black mirror under 2 conclusions : 1) You'll never be able to make a return to twisted wonderland and 2)You won't remember anyone, or anything from this world. As if it has never existed.

At this point, forgetting Epel and everything about him forever seemed to be the only way of letting go of the pain... Now that you can't have him, best would be to never remember how much you once loved.

"(y/n)... is leaving?" Epel murmurs. Rook shakes his head as a yes, all he could do was to at least let Epel know after how things had gone between you and him lately.

Perhaps Rook was the only one who exactly knows happened that morning, the day Epel tainted each and every memory you once had beside him which you used to recall as your sweetest days of life.

Even as Rook was just sneak peaking behind the wall and all he could do was to listen to Epel shouting and you trying to calm him a bit, he's pretty certain that he heard the sound of your heart breaking the moment Epel mercilessly told you that he's cutting ties with you.

Young Epel really did have a hidden dark side all this time, didn't he...?

Lucky of him that Rook was the only one who saw that. Rook may not be that respective toward people's privacy, but he does know how to keep a friend's secret. As for now, he had to agree that your case was concerning. Not just for you but for Epel himself as well. It's pretty rare of him to feel so but he you can tell that he does care.

"In a few days or so, just enough of time for her to patch stuff up and, well, say goodbye to her friends,"

Friends, huh? To think that not so long ago Epel deserved to be reminded as your friend... How fast did it all change,right? Time is an absolutely terrifying thing, he thinks.

A moment of silence passes until Rook speaks up: "Aren't you going to say goodbye?"

'Say good bye',...This sentence keeps on being repeated inside Epel's head. Why would you even want to hear these words coming from him while Epel himself was the only reason that you have to leave? He hurt you and there was no way to undo what he did to you, even if he could one day be able to face that you, his best friend and at some point, the only friend ever since he stepped into night raven college are a girl, it was impossible to look into your eyes again like he hadn't done all the terrible works he did.

That is a fact, he can't fix a broken heart, neither his or yours. Yes, he was mad at you and is still mad. He felt so used to see that you of all people couldn't even trust him with such a simple thing like your gender. The fearful thought of you getting that close to him because he was nothing but a naïve boy who couldn't tell the difference between male and female. If so, were all the times you told Epel that you cared for him a lie? Did you just want to play him around because he was a lonely boy who didn't have any other friends to talk to? Did you too find him stupid...? Why (y/n)? Why..??

Epel bites his lower lip trying his best not to cry in front of Rook. He already cries enough every night in bed and doesn't need another audience watching him suffer.

"Epel?" Rook calls, making Epel realize that he hasn't yet answered his question.

No, he isn't going to walk up to you just to say goodbye. But if he refuses to do so, wouldn't it make that heartless "I'd rather cut ties with you" his very last sentence to you...?

Epel rolls over and his bed again again, another sleepless night. Though something made this night worse than the previous ones, tommorow would be the day that you'll quit his world forever, and he didn't even come to say his last goodbye...

When was the last time he Epel got a proper night sleep anyway? He can't remember. He's sure been a while that he wanted to take a second in peace, either through sleeping or through reality. When he was awake, he wanted to shut his eyes on life. When he tried to sleep, it either ended with him squirming in his surprisingly 'uncomfortable' bed all the time or waking up wet in sweat from another nightmare.

The only time he actually got to sleep for a minute at least was during classes. 'Hopelessly romantic boy', his classmates teasingly called him. Telling how those who're slowly falling in love would lose the track of their lives and become a total mess like Epel was. Epel never said a word in opposition as he didn't want to end up telling them the story of him recklessly breaking your heart after all you'd done for him, yet it was already obvious that he didn't like this term being used for him at all.

Hopelessly romantic boy...huh?

His insomnia issues were no joke, he couldn't concentrate during classes at all. His vision was all blurry and his eyes felt heavily sleepy. Teachers kept on talking and talking while Epel just stared at the mess of words forming enormous sentences in the books until his eyes went shut. There were a few times that even teachers ended up having to shake him after the class to wake him up before sending him to the headmaster's office right away.

"Young Felmier, are you okay? You've been looking very, uh,you know, different lately"

Is he okay? He's been asking himself the same question for a while.

"Yes, Headmaster"

'I, am not okay.'

He hasn't been okay for a long while, at least he's well aware of it. But there's no point in letting anyone else know, right? Perhaps the only one who might've understood how horrible he is feeling right now... was you. Epel drowns in thoughts and memories are brought back to him:

It's been months since then, but it feels like it was just a minute ago, that he had his head on your shoulder as his warm tears soaked your clothes and his warm breath brushed against your neck. It was probably one of his worse days ever. He ran off having tears in his eyes in front of enormous people, yet not a single soul cared to come after him but you. He was a total mess when you found him under the apple tree, his face was flushed and his diamond blue eyes were filled with pain and tears. You didn't even know him much but seeing him like that, in pain and tears, Epel was no more than a stranger but for some reason...it still hurt. You couldn't take it. Accepting hugs from strangers isn't really his thing, but to be comforted right as you need nothing more than an embrace to cry on, it felt...nice.

You've been always beside him from then on, he couldn't really tell why. He was neither too strong nor too smart, he wasn't any famous or rich either. He was nothing but a random country boy who got noticed by you, the mysterious student who got widely popular throughout the school because of their bravery and strength to fight against several overblots without having any magic after a rather short time.

He often felt proud of how lucky he was to have you. It wasn't just because of how famous and adored you later became, he could tell that there was something special about you from the very beginning. You probably didn't notice but when he first met you at the enterence ceremony, he didn't realize that he'd been keeping his eyes on you all the time. He didn't know why, what could the reason be? Curiosity? A childish interest? Or... something else than these?

From the day after, he couldn't take his eyes off you. It was strange, he doesn't usually get to see someone this much around, but you...you were always there. Right in front of him.

He couldn't help but to watch silently until you walked up to him and started to chat, he can't ever forget how silly his first conversation with you went. He was stressed out whether you'd realized the way he was staring at you all this time, could be that you were offended? He was honestly expecting this to be another trouble coming his way but to his surprise, it wasn't.

Though it took a rather long time for him to finally gain full trust on you, after a while spending time with you wasn't simply something he enjoyed doing. It became a part of his daily routine. No matter what, he wanted to see you, no, he needed to see you. Make sure that you're right, that everything between you is still the same, that he'd have you by his side for another the day he won't be left all alone if anything goes wrong.

You were his reason to keep his self-esteem built-up no matter how rough life could be, you were the only one who could give him a safe shoulder to cry on and and an embrace to close his eyes through and the thought of still having you was what gave him the purpose to keep on smiling through another rough day.

Epel nails the white bedsheets as he digs his wet face harder into the pillow, trying not to scream at the pain. What has he done? Why? Why??

How could he do this to you, the person he adored and cared for the most? Yes, you lied, but so did he. He never wanted to cut ties with you. He was furious and insecure, afraid that you might've never considered him any more than an emotional fool. It scared him, he didn't want to be the idiot you'd one say leave behind without caring to let him know that you never needed him back.

He couldn't let go of you as you'd became a part of Epel himself after all this time you've been together.

He was scared of what bigger things you might've hidden from him, including your true feelings for him. What if deep inside, all you saw through him was a helpless toy to use?

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts,...they were driving him insane.

It hurt way too much to the point of thinking that he hated you. He never did, how could he? Even if he ever ends up hating everything and everyone including himself like he does now, there's no way that he'd you. You were his everything, his happiness, his hope, his wish, his angel.

'Hopelessly romantic boy'... What if his classmates were right about him though?

Oh lord, what is wrong with him? He can no longer deny the fact that he did fall in love with you while he thought it was nothing more than a simple friendship.

Only if he'd realized this sooner, only if he could've said that he loves you instead of asking you to get out of his life, only if he could've had a second chance to hug you one more time and tell you how he truly feels...

And now, it's too late to regret what he's done. You probably hate him now, and he knows that he deserves to be hated. He was the reason of your teary eyes and sleepless nights. And he and only him, was the reason of you wanting to leave all your of your friends and your memories with them behind by making a return to your own world.

As it's clear than he doesn't deserve you and your love, he decides to let his heart burn inside the flames Epel started on his own.

Let him suffer in the name of you, his one and only love, for eternity.

It's past noon yet Epel doesn't want to get out of bed. He doesn't want to look at the clock, though he's pretty sure that you've already left his world.

He wonders...where are you right now? Back to your own world? Next to the friends and family whom you love? You sure don't remember him anymore but...are you happy? Will you now live as the happy (y/n) he'll always love without him there to hurt you again?

"Sorry (y/n), sorry..." He whispers underneath his breath. Hot tears stream down Epel's face, and he squeezes his eyelids shut in the hope his tears would stop. He sat on his bed unmoving, with his choppy breathing and watery eyes remaining for quite a while. He was so lost through his pain and sorrow that didn't hear the knock on his door at first.

"Who there?-" Epel murmurs through his tear. It's probably Rook, wanting to see why he didn't make it to school today. His door continues to be knocked on, yet Epel doesn't care to answer thr sound. Doesn't matter who the hell is at the door, he doesn't want to talk right now.

He hides his face under the blanket, can't he just cry in peace? He hears the sound of his door sliding open, but doesn't bother getting the blanket off his head. He annoyedly wraps himself tighter in bed. 'Whoever you are, just leave me alone. Please, I don't want to-'

Takes a few seconds until he feels the blanket being pulled off him, he vaguely turns his head, ready to shout: "GET LOST" at whoever his interrupter is. He opens his mouth to yell but the sight of the person standing in front of him leaves him speechless.

Your bodies remain still as your eyes are locked, neither of you move a finger until you break the silence:

"Epel..." you whisper. He looks pretty different from the last time you saw him. His face looks much paler and thinner now, and from the swelling bags under his eyes you could tell that he hasn't really been sleeping well lately. The the rage and hatred you saw last time in his eyes is now replaced with emptiness and sorrow, a severe pain that makes your heart ache for him one more time. He looks so, so broken. So lost, so sad. It hurts a lot seeing him like this, though you'd sworn never to think of him the way you used to again.

"I, I came to say goodbye-" you say nervously. What is Epel having in mind now? How is he going to respond? From the way your last conversation went you could certainly tell that he held nothing else than for you now, but you, could you be the same?

Epel didn't show up to say goodbye which was another evidence of him not wanting to see your face ever again, but something deep inside your heart, something you couldn't let go of ever after he let you down told you to come to say your very last goodbye.

Epel's eyes widen in fascination. This time, he can't hold back his tears from falling. You won't stop surprising him until the very last second, will you?

Right at the moment you are expecting him to be mad and push you back again, he throws himself into your embrace. You are about to say a word, but all you can do is to let Epel feel your warm embrace and the torrent of his tears soak through your shirt. It is too painful to see him like this.

"Wh-why...Why-are you like this-? Why did you come? Why are you still being this kind?? Why can't you just hate me!?" he painfully screams through his tears. You can feel him clench his fists, as he pushes himself closer to you. You have your emotions mixed up, you can't tell wether you should be sad or happy. But here he is, crying into your embrace like he used to do before. For a second it feels like your paths had never been torn apart, that you never got separated and he never said those words which hurt you the most.

You let him rest his head on your shoulder and run your fingers through his hair, time and time again, in an attempt you calm the silent war within his mind.

For the hundredth time, you are reminded of how much he meant to you, from the very moment you were interested in getting to know about the pale lavender-haired guy who's been secretly watching you all the time.

You remember all the times he made you laugh and that sweet smile he always put on when he greeted you in the morning, you remember each and every time that he needed your embrace to either cry or feel a bit better after the hard they he might've gone through.

You remember all the times you silently cried in bed knowing that you were slowly falling for the young boy who you genuinely held dear, that he was slowly becoming the apple of your eye.

And there he was, walking in front of you, unaware of the feelings you, young (y/n) had for him and how he was truly, the one and only for you, the apple of your eye.

Before you know it, Epel is no longer the only one crying. You hold him tighter, pushing your head to his shoulder and letting your hot tears fall off your eyes, realizing how much you've missed him after all this time. Epel doesn't pull back, instead he follows and allows your bodies to come closer and closer, until there's no space left. At the moment your bodies are close enough to become one, he's got the rhythm of your chest raising and on his body and you've got his on yours. Warm breaths brushing against each other's face that it makes it almost hard to breathe.

For a second, it feels as if you and him are the only beings on the whole world and your world is skipped inside the warmth you're drowning through right now. There's no past, no future, no pain, no feelings at all. All you know is the present you're having with him, wishing that this moment would last forever.

"I...I love you," Epel whispers, only loud enough for you to hear him under your fascinated gaze. You let out silent gasp as your head's still on the back of his shoulder.

'What did he just say..?'

Those words...those 3 forbidden words you thought you'd never him Epel them back if you ever did. Yet you kept on loving him, totally aware that he might never develop such feelings for you back.

You were supposed to make a return to your own world by now, all you'd came for was a simple goodbye to someone you were supposed to consider your ex-best friend, but you know that it would be a lie. He wasn't just your best friend, he was once your everything: Your love, your smile, your tears, your hope. Even after he bitterly told you to cut ties with him, you couldn't let go of the feeling. You felt empty without him, a life without him was clueless and dark, you felt so lost, so empty, so brokenhearted. You'd lost Epel, and never thought that you'll ever get to have him close again, let alone hearing him say that he loves you back.

And now, it's all up to you. What are you going to do now? For the first time in a while, your future now relies on nothing but your very own choice. You're caught in the middle of the path, stuck between leaving the twisted wonderland for your very own sake or staying here with Epel, in a stranger world which you don't belong to, next to the guy you once appreciated the most.

With everything you've been going through all this time, what will you choose to do? How will this story come to an end? Choosing to go and leave all the pain together with all the happiness you've been experiencing next Epel all this time behind, or letting go of the past and giving him a second to maybe lead you through a life you once dreamed to have with him?

Epel has probably got a lot more to say other than that three words, knowing that you're probably running out of time if you're going to return to your own world, next to the family and beloved ones you haven't met in forever, are you still going to stay here with Epel and allow him to talk? With all the things that he did to you and made you have a severe mental breakdown afterwards, are you still to give him your attention and love, and let him have a chance to be the apple of your eye again...?

[egg-emperor]

not gonna lie i really haven't been doing well lately. depression has really been kicking my ass more than usual. its a daily struggle for me so i just get used to it and keep quiet about it so i dont bother people but ive just suddenly started feeling even worse out of nowhere. and now ive become especially irritable as if i keep looking for reasons to be upset to justify feeling this way. everything keeps upsetting me or pissing me off.

the anniversary of my dads death is coming up, my step grandad from his side isnt well. everyone i love has died or is dying. i feel like im cursed and everything in my life is doomed to go wrong. i also keep getting frustrated with the fact that people are still embarrassed for me on social media, and i know people dont interact/mute me on twitter because its too public and people would be ashamed if someone as oh so embarrassing as me showed up on someones tl because they interacted with me. people find my whole existence a huge fucking embarrassment even though i worked so hard to not feel that way about myself and i just want to have fun and do the one thing that brings me happiness without shame.

summer started and the sky has only been blue once on Eggmans birthday. i checked the weather and the fucking clouds are going to be here for most of the month. i wait through the long depressing autumn, winter, and spring that usually all blend into one depressing cold dark time period for THIS? seasonal depression on top of regular depression makes me feel even worse. i know it sounds silly and stupid to be mad about it but sometimes the sun and new Eggman content is really all i feel i have to live for. i hate living here and it doesnt help that im isolated and i don't often get to leave the house even to experience any of the boring stuff i could do here if i wasnt.

im exhausted no matter how much I sleep and my schedule is nonexistent and all over the place anyway. i hate sleeping all day instead of making myself useful but at the same time, all I feel like doing is sleeping just to get a break from how shitty i feel the entire time im awake. im so fucking grumpy and miserable and i hate dragging other people down with me because i know my negative energy must be draining but i cant help it. trying to force myself to be happy makes it even worse.

i dont know what to do to stop myself from seeing the worst in everything and feeling like the universe is punishing me for living and breathing. but i know I'm overreacting and people just find me extremely annoying. and i just feel like a big baby when i just lie in bed being useless and cry about it but im fucking helpless. theres not much i can do when i feel achy and exhausted but i still beat myself up for it. i just want something to be fucking happy about and actually feel like im doing something good and worthwhile, something that doesnt make people embarrassed of me but i cant. im just so tired

[paipayaseeds]

When Shuichi came back, he'd be met with a sullen faced Kaede sweeping the room. Where the broom had came from? Unknown. The girl perked up upon the Detective's return, hand here her heart would be seeing the sensor hadn't gone off, meaning the mastermind hadn't attacked just yet.

"So no mastermind activity yet huh?"

------------------

The girl would sigh upon Rantaro's suddenly leaving, heart aching in guilt from the forehead kiss she just received. As much as she wanted to believe Rantaro..

She somehow knew that he wasn't going to the restroom. Especially not at a time like this.. Then again what would she know about his bathroom -

Off topic.

The time to act was now. She needed to get to him before he gets to the library.. So she can end this..

So she can protect Rantaro just as he did for her. No more crying.

No more hiding.

It needed to be done.

She'd silently tear out the note from her notebook, leaving behind however her notebook and pen on the pool table before taking advantage of Tenko and Kaito's arguing. She scurries over to the door and slides out of it carefully before making a dash to where Rantaro went.

Unbeknownst to her however,

Keebo had been looking in confusion.

"That's odd. Ms. Anya forgot to bring her writing utensils." He'd announce suddenly.

--------------

Anya had caught up with Rantaro in secret, though she was nearly almost too late.

The door to the library was almost within Rantaro's reach had he kept walking.. But she couldn't allow that. She's doing this for his own good the violinist chanted mentally, closing in on him from behind with a brick before closing her eyes, jumping and striking the back of his head with all the strength she could muster—a good amount it turned out to be.

With shaky hands and teary eyes she quickly wiped, the girl would apply the note*into his hands,closing the fingers around the paper and kissing it softly.

'Im sorry Rantaro.. I hope.. You can..-'

No.

'You can feel bad later.' Rantaro's gadgets in hand and memorizing his plan, the girl walked through the library door. She quickly grabs a pre-placed wooden pole she acquired from the warehouse from behind a bookshelf, sticking it through the door handles. This should prevent the mastermind or anyone from barging in. Her legs took her towards the secret door, just about to get to work before jumping at a sudden bright light.

'Huh?What the.. A camera?'

With an annoyed pout, the girl would use her free hand to try and disable the flash.

-----------

*what the note says

Rantaro, if you're reading this, it means uhm.. I knocked you out.. Sorry. This sounds stupid but, the day that bear gave that motive was the day I started having these.. These visions of your dying,

In the library. Crazy right?

I overhead you talking about your plan when you thought I was asleep on the last day.. I'm sorry. But, I'm not. If this means I can protect you then.. I won't regret it! I won't be scared this time! I'm gonna stop this and then.. And then we can go home.

So I ask you this last time,

To trust me.

To big bro Taro,

From your lil sis,

Anya Hoshiyama

p. S. I will consider letting you ruffle my hair after we get out of this 🙄

----------

It's about to fucking happen I hate it I hate it-

Kaito looked at the spot where Anya had been seated earlier, eyes widening by barely an inch as K1B0 had been right. "Oh, well, I'm sure she'll come back and get it." Tenko jerked her head towards him, an almost offended look in her eye, "Of course a degenerate male would be that inconsiderate of a woman's needs!" Tenko, without another thought, grabbed Anya's leftover things and made her way to the door, huffing as Kaito followed like a lost puppy behind her path. "W- wait, I can give it to her!"

Tenko, ignoring him, slid open the door and walked through, only to halt in her step as a distressed detective, and a panicked pianist nearly crashed into them and caused them to tumble back like dominoes.

--

As soon as Shuichi found Kaede... sweeping? Um, anyways- He shook his head in slight relief, and strangely, disappointment. “No... N- not yet—” Shuichi yelped, entire body jumping and tensing up as the receiver he held in his hand, started going off. After juggling the receiver—and almost dropping the damn thing—he caught it, and looked at Kaede with an alarmed expression, “The alarm! It went off! We have to go- Kaede, hurry!” With his voice booming in assertively and urgently, he sprinted out of the classroom.

Leaving Kaede behind without another thought, he called out for her to hurry, before hurrying down the stairs himself, for the second time. Shuichi had gone into a full-on sprint, nearly barrelling into Kaito and Tenko who had been standing there in confusion, yet also determination—and pride, for whatever reason.

"Oh hey, Shuichi! We were just about to go find Anya to give her, her supplies!" Shuichi shook his head, seemingly out of breath from sprinting down a single flight of stairs. "I- N- no! There's a chance t- the mastermind is in the library right now!"

Brushing past them, he immediately started rushing towards the library doors, only to jerk back and skid to a halt as he saw Rantaro's unconscious body, lying stiffly in front of the library doors. Kaito turned to see why Shuichi had made such an icky noise with his shoes, only to gasp and take a step back himself. "W- what the hell!?"

Tenko let out a blood-curdling scream, "Oh my god, he's dead!" Shuichi gulped down his own nervousness, inhaling a breath as he tried to remain level-headed(as if he was level-headed before smh). Unsure of whether to leave Rantaro there or to catch the mastermind, he inhaled once again and made a split-second decision; something he would never do if it hadn't been a life-threatening situation. "Kaede- just- all of you! Get into the library through the other doors, I'll- I'll check on Rantaro!"

With his voice commanding and strong, he signalled to the doors; sure, it probably would've been better if the only detective within the 17 students witnessed the scene himself, he wasn't thinking properly and there was only so much time before the mastermind escaped.

After the fast tapping of everyone busting into the library, he wasted no time approaching the green-haired male with shaky, but stable steps. Shuichi crouched down to put his hand in front of his mouth to check for breathing, sighing as he felt air exit from Rantaro's mouth.

Shaking the male awake, Shuichi felt a heavyweight lift off his shoulders as Rantaro groaned; another sign that he was alive, something the detective didn't know he needed.

"Wh-" Rantaro creaked his eyes open, only to shoot up as everything seemed to hit him at once, just like that brick. His plan! Feeling around for his pockets for the survivor perk, he felt a panic rise up in him, as well as a throbbing pain at the back of his head. Did the mastermind find out his plan? Had he just been a victim of attempted murder? What about the time limit? Why weren't they all dead? How long had he passed out for?

"No, no, no, no-! Shuichi! T- the time limit! What happened!?" Rantaro whipped his still aching head towards the worried detective, holding onto the wall for support as he got up with the help of the door handles of the library he hadn't even set foot in.

Shuichi panicked, "D- don't you need to sit down-?" Rantaro ignored him, pulling against the doors frantically in a surge of adrenaline-evoked panic. "Why is it locked!?" Rantaro huffed, suddenly feeling a shortage of breath as his arms went limp on the doors. A wave of frustration and exhaustion washed over him, as well as a feeling of failure.

Furrowing his brow at the frantic, yet currently heavyhearted and tired man, Shuichi found himself questioning Rantaro's panic-induced actions. "Why do you need to get into the library...? Do... Do you know about the secre-"

Tenko's blood-curdling scream interrupted Shuichi's suspicion.

"A- ANYA!?"

Rantaro darted his head back up to the sound of Anya's name, coming from inside the library. Moving to run, he found a wave of new pain hit him, and he had to hold onto Shuichi for help. "I- H- her name, she- We need to get into the library now!" Rantaro cut off his near panic attack, instead, settling for using Shuichi as a cane as he practically 'ran' to the other door of the library.

Bursting open into the doors, they somehow lumped in with Gonta, Korekiyo, Himiko and Angie who had come running to the sound of the scream.

[dyns33]

YO!!! That story about the boyfriend broke at first. I was like NOOO she lied!!😡 But I'm glad it wasn't real. BUT how did Mickey know and dreamed of what his Y/N and that guy were doing in the bedroom? He must have seen it somewhere, maybe Constance.🤦🏻‍♀️ Anyway it's my birthday today, so let's say it's Mickey's birthday and Y/N surprises him, and sings Happy Birthday to him. Oh and Elmo from Sesame Street has to make an appearance, somehow. 😁

           I couldn't do this to Mikey, it couldn't be real... To answer your first question, it's a bit of multiple things. First, Michael is still the antichrist, so even if he is not at all interested, Satan is carnal pleasure. Second, he saw it on TV, during films or series, even if his mommy tried to cover his eyes and ears everytime (it's difficult to cover both with only two hands...). And since she explained to him that the boy was putting his pecker in the girl's hole to make babies, Michael is not stupid, he just add two plus two, his brain did the rest, and he had a awful nightmare...

IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY ?! AND I REPLY TOO LATE, IM SORRY !!! I WILL TRY TO MAKE IT PERFECT, WITH ELMO ! (I had a Elmo fluff when I was young. He is still somewhere in the house.) HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!

           When Michael opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was that his mommy was not there and the coldness of the bed told him that she had been up for a long time. Yet it was still early, so even though he was still a little sleepy, he rubbed his eyes to investigate, because it was not normal. None of them liked to get up before it was necessary. Slowly, dragging his feet, he first went into the living room, plunged into complete darkness, totally silent. No one in the bathroom or the restroom Michael heard a noise coming from the kitchen, the door was closed, so he approached quietly, slowly opened and discovered (Y/N), wiping her forehead, before continuing to stir a dough which looked like chocolate. There were cookies baking in the oven, and the smell made his belly groan.

           "Mommy, are you making cakes ?" he asked, hoping he could get some.

           "Oh Mikey, you're awake ! I've made too much noise ? Excuse me, it's so early, you can go back to bed if you want."

           "No, it's not the same without you... Can I help you ?"

           "You're nice, but I have to do it alone."

           "Why ?"

Michael had been very quiet this week, to (Y / N)'s surprise who expected him to be a little excited with the important date that was coming, thinking then that he was good to have more gifts and sweets. But now, seeing his innocent and curious look, she realized that he had no idea what they had to celebrate today. In fact, he did not care about dates, how much time passed, just looking at the clock when she was not there. No need to take all these precautions to surprise him, and no way to wait, because it would give him time to think ! (Y / N) took Michael's hands and started dancing with him in the kitchen, singing.

           "Happy Birthday to you ! Happy Birthday to you ! Happy Birthday my dear Mikey ! Happy Birthday to you !!"

           "It's... It's my birthday ?" he asked, starting to jump.

           "Yes, silly. I'm making you a cake, it must have been a surprise, but now that you're here, you'll be able to choose the flavour of the cream and the colours of the decorations."

Not having many birthday parties, because he had no friends, because Constance was just buying a cake and one present, and he was officially only seven years old, Michael was very happy that his mommy would make as much effort to please him, having prepared two human-shaped cookies, a mini Michael and a mini (Y / N), which she would put on top of the chocolate cake when it would be ready. While it was in the oven, his mommy told him the program she had prepared, to check that everything would please Michael.

           "It is very cold outside, so difficult to go to the beach but... We can go to the pool ! The water is heated ! You can have fun jumping from the diving board. Then we go to the restaurant that you want, and you will be able to eat whatever you want. We come back, I offer you your presents, and we eat the cake for the merienda. Then you can play, while I clean everything."

           "No, I want you to play with me !"

           "It's your day, so I obey Sir Michael's orders."

           "Really ? I want my presents now !"

His mommy suddenly seemed very disappointed, looking at him with narrowed eyes, as if he had just done something stupid, so Michael started to be scared, thinking very quickly.

           "... Please ?" he added.

           "Ah, I was scared ! For a moment I thought my baby was gone and a poorly educated boy had replaced him, but since it's you, let's go get those gifts you're so hurry to open that you forget your good manners."

As she asked him, Michael agreed to stay on the couch, putting his hands on his eyes while (Y / N) brought back all the presents in the living room. He was surprised to learn that there were several because his grandma had always said that one gift was enough, otherwise he would be spoiled. He took his shirt to hide half of his face when he opened his eyes and he found ten gift packages, of all sizes, shapes, colors.

           "Mommy, that's too much !

           "It's never too much for my baby. Go ahead, open them."

It was so beautiful that he did not dare, the mere fact that she had bought him gifts was enough for Michael, but he finally put a trembling hand on one of them and tear the package. The head of a soft toy Elmo then appeared, smiling at him and when he wanted to take it out of the box, pressing on his stomach, it spoke.

           "Hello, I'm Elmo, I'm your friend !"

           "OH ! MOMMY ! MOMMY ! Elmo said he was my friend !"

           "I heard !" she said, ruffling his hair. "You are happy ?"

           "YES !"

Michael began to cuddle the stuffed toy, which began to say several nice things, compliments, jokes, which excited the boy even more, to the point that he seemed to forget all the other gifts he still had to open. Of all the shows he watched, Sesame  Street was one of his favourites, a bit odd, funny, sometimes serious, but always great ! Of course, he was still happy to discover his other toys, new books that his mommy would read him, but nothing seemed to surpass his friend Elmo, who accompanied him everywhere for weeks, until (Y/N) begged him to not make him talk when they slept. Michael began counting the days until his next birthday, planning to get up early to help his mommy prepare the cake next time. He also asked her when was her birthday, was sad to hear that he had missed the date, and noted it so to not forget it, even if he could not do as well as (Y / N) because he did not know how to cook and he did not have money to buy gifts... So he asked her if she would help him to prepare a surprise party for her birthday. She accepted, asking him once again to stop being so cute. Michael never understood why she was asking him that.

[zigsexual]

Hey! How are u? Since I'm in the best mood since idk how long and today is also mental health day I just wanted to drop by and say take care of yourself. I see u standing up against hatred and stupidity in this fandom and sometimes all these trolls want is to mess with ur sanity. I'm sorry for all terrible hatred u received in the past. Idk to feel angry or sorry for them since they think such a thing is ok or fun. Anyways remember to take a step back and take care.

oh thanks king! im actually doing so good (well other than the fact that im awake at 3am) and i appreciate you sending this 💞 this fandom has been boring and dead lately when it comes to drama so we are simply coastin u feel

[lol-despair]

//