#but it's information I've learned on here and now I've gotten to share that with someone to help and encourage them to leave the situation

[neverendingford]

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[currymanganese]

Richie's journey is not over

I've done my fair share of hating on Richie, but @caiusmarciuscoriolanus 's and @post-woke 's meta on him has gotten to me. As a companion piece to this post about Carmy's future in the culinary world here, here's why I think Richie may be the one to actually leave the industry someday, or at least that he may find a fulfilling secondary vocation by the end of the series.

1. Along with Marcus, but to a greater extent, Richie is Carmy's narrative foil, if Carmy stays in the restaurant world, as Carmy's foil, Richie may want to leave someday:

Before the start of the series and in season one, he was the dutiful "son/brother"-figure that stayed in Chicago and stuck it out with Mikey (since Mikey pushed Carmy away) while Carmy globe-trotted and became a master at his craft. He resents Carmy for not coming to Mikey's funeral and for being MIA after his death, and perhaps also for being absent from pitching into the family business even prior to Mikey's death and the business' decline. He also resented the changes Carmy, and by extension, Sydney, made to the restaurant during season one, and by the beginning of season two expresses insecurities about his place in the restaurant, and by extension, his place in Carmy and the Berzattos' life. Hence, in season two Richie goes out of his way to have Carmy's reassurance that he would not be "dropped" and he also apologized to Natalie for some unspecified long-standing slight or slights, and enjoyed a much improved relationship with the surviving Berzatto siblings until his argument with Carmy in "The Bear".

During this war of words, after Richie called Carmy, Donna, Carmy retaliated by claiming that he should've cut Richie off, that Richie wouldn't be able to make a living or support his child without him, and accused him of being a leech with an obsession with the Berzatto family. Regardless of whether Carmy truly believes these things about Richie or not, and regardless of whether they are true or not, the venom behind this outburst may have left Richie questioning his security at The Bear, and the sincerity of Carmy's earlier promise to not abandon him, which has silently been one of Richie's greatest fears since season one, with his admission to Carmy in Braciole that,

"You're all I have left."

Also, keep in mind, season two already began with Richie questioning his purpose and place at The Bear, while Carmy ended the season questioning his vocation and his place at the restaurant,

"Maybe I'm just not cut out for this."

Similarly, their love interests / the women from their pasts are associated with one another, Carmy's (now ex) girlfriend , Claire, and Richie's ex-wife, Tiffany:

"Tiff used to babysit Claire!"

Since both Richie and Carmy reached a turning point professionally and experienced upheavals in their relationship(s) in season two (with each other and with their love interests a la Claire breaking up with Carmy, and Tiff informing Richie that she's moving on and getting married), we'll have to wait until the dust settles in season 3 or beyond to see whether the words Carmy spoke in anger to Richie may push him away, even if only temporarily, to the point that Richie may be moved to "abandon Carmy / The Berzattos / the restaurant before they abandon me", or even to see if he has truly found the answer to his question of what his purpose and vocation is in life, and whether that lies in customer service and working the expo or overseeing the front of house at The Bear, or elsewhere.

It's also interesting to me that the book Richie is shown reading in Season 2, 'Unreasonable Hospitality: The Remarkable Power of Giving People More Than They Expect', by Will Guidara, apparently stresses the value of imparting a sense of excellence and care for one's customers and peers / working relationships no matter the industry, and highlights that the lessons the author learned in the restaurant/hospitality industry can also be applicable to other fields.

Which leads me to my next point;

2. I believe that Richie serves as an author avatar for Christopher Storer himself on some level, and Storer ultimately left the food service industry to become a writer/ director and work in the film industry, hence it's another reason that it would not come as a surprise to me if Richie ends up leaving The Bear, even if it's only temporarily:

C Storer has expressed before in podcast interviews that Richie's character is based on his older male cousins growing up, with whom he enjoyed spending time with in his teens as an escape from his own dysfunctional home life as a child of divorced parents that lived with a mother struggling with addiction. This explains the "Cousin" moniker and surrogate brother role Richie occupies in Carmy's life clearly enough. However, I also think that Richie and Mikey to some degree, (as Storer also struggled with substance abuse in the past) may be partially based on Storer's own life before he found his vocation and settled into a relationship with his long term partner, Gillian Jacobs, who, interestingly, stars as Richie's ex-wife Tiffany in the show.

This is just speculation on my part, but there is something in Richie's dynamic with The Berzattos that may be a reflection of, or at least partially inspired by C Storer and his younger sister, Courtney's, real life surrogate family, the Zuccheros; which is the family that owns Mr. Beef, the Italian sandwich shop that show and The Original Beef of Chicagoland is based on.

According to Joanna Calo in this podcast, see around the 48 minute mark, Chris and Courtney Storer worked at Mr. Beef when they were younger, before Chris left the food industry to become a writer/director and moved to LA. However, Chris Storer has maintained a friendship with the current owner of Mr. Beef, Christopher Zucchero, since kindergarten, and the pilot of The Bear was filmed on location in Mr. Beef, the rest of season one was filmed in a set that was a faithful recreation of Mr. Beef's premises, and Chris Zucchero also had a cameo appearance as ChiChi, Carmy's meat connect that haggled with him in the season one pilot.

As if all this wasn't enough of powerful testament to the bond that the Storers have with the Zuccheros, Chris Zucchero has stated in interviews that Chris Storer used to direct him and their friends to do recreations of movie scenes when they played together as children, and that there was never a doubt in his mind that Storer would've become a film director someday, a level of faith which mirrors Carmy's faith in Richie's people skills and his aptitude for a new role front of house. Chris Storer also promised Chris Zucchero to make a show about Mr. Beef years ago, and The Bear is a fulfillment of that promise.

The former proprietor of Mr. Beef, Chris Zucchero's father, Joseph Zucchero, also seems to have had a fatherly relationship with the Storers (Chris Storer has disclosed that he and his siblings did not have a close relationship with their own father after their parents' divorce), and particularly with Courtney Storer. Chris Zucchero has even joked in interviews that his father loved Courtney more than his own children, and that Zucchero Sr. served as a surrogate father to many in his community.

In my opinion, even if Richie shares no other connection to Chris Storer's life and personality, beyond Richie being an amalgamation of the cousins Chris Storer grew up with; the tight-knit bond of devotion and affection between Richie and Mikey and The Berzattos certainly appears to be somewhat reminiscent of Christopher Storer's own loyalty to his longtime friend, Chris Zucchero's family.

As such, this may be completely off-base, but hear me out;

3. What if Richie's character journey eventually mirrors Christopher Storer's personal career trajectory and takes him on the path of becoming a writer, perhaps even to the point of publishing a heartfelt article about, or story inspired by: his life, his job, Mikey, The Berzattos, The Original Beef and The Bear?

Since we are unfamiliar with much of Richie's backstory and skillset beyond his time in the restaurant, I'm basing this possible career shift on one aspect of Richie's personal interests we are privy to; Richie appears to be surprisingly well-read, and it is generally assumed that excellent authors tend to be avid readers, just as renowned filmmakers tend to be cinephiles themselves.

In the pilot episode - when the creators took time to create character establishing moments for Carmy, and most of the regular cast, despite Richie's initial abrasive interactions with Carmy, Richie is shown to also be affable and well liked, or at least respected, by the staff and prompts them to have an informal icebreaker over Syd's family meal by asking them to express what they are thankful for.

This moment establishes Tina's (at the time hidden) sentimental heart of gold when she answers, "I'm thankful for all y'all mfs! 😜", and Marcus and Ebra's sense of humour and easy rapport with Richie /their irreverence and lack of fear of him when Marcus makes a joke at Richie's expense and Ebra chimes in to mock his body odour. However, when Richie's turn to express what he's thankful for, out of all the possible people or things the writers could've used to telegraph what is important to Richie, and who he is as a person, in this moment Richie says he's thankful for the classic sci-fi author, Philip K. Dick; who famously wrote the dystopian novel 'Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?'' which ultimately served as the inspiration for many sci-fi works, including the Blade Runner films. Even if he intended for his answer to be light-hearted or flippant, it may be a case of "the truth being hidden in jest" that he expressed gratitude, not for his daughter, not for any other relationship or personal possession, but for Mr. Philip K. Dick.

In season one Richie makes another offhand/indirect reference to this sci fi author and his story, by addressing the crew as, "replicants" (a term for lifelike artificial humans from Blade Runner, i.e. robots) when he shows up late to the staff meeting wherein Carmy is about to initiate the brigade system by delegating Syd to lead the crew. Since these are two sci-fi story references that Richie makes within the first 3 episodes of the show, after season one would be forgiven for just thinking that Richie may be a fan of classic sci-fi books or films and nothing else, however, season 2 shifted this understanding of Richie's characterization for me when, again, he references yet another renowned writer/novel in the season 2 pilot.

Thanks to fans on The Bear's subreddit - it appears that the writing he referenced this time was Haruki Murakami's 'Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Year's of Pilgrimage' as he paraphrases the story, including the main character being deserted by friends because of a lack of a 'life /interest' besides "trains". Richie uses the book to effectively articulate his own feelings of aimlessness, and fear of abandonment to Carmy. This conversation with Carmy where Richie uses the book as a tool to communicate his own anxiety/ need for reassurance to Carmy also ultimately served as a catalyst for Richie being sent on the opportunity to stage at the 3 Michelin star restaurant in season 2 episode seven.

It is during this episode that Richie undergoes some much needed character development, and is shown studiously reading Unreasonable Hospitality in a montage as he undergoes his metamorphosis into the earnest, professional, and essential FOH/BOH team member with renewed confidence that we see him as in episodes 8-10; apologising to Nat, helping her to vet the new FOH potential hires, even taking over the expo on the soft opening night and helping Sydney to avert disaster as she takes over functioning in Carmy's stead in the season finale. When addressing the new FOH staff prior to the soft open he again quotes a novel by a renowned author with existentialist themes, 'Siddhartha' by Herman Hesse as he urges the new staff to, "listen better".

Whether Richie eventually leaves the industry or The Bear or not remains to be seen, but I'm looking forward to seeing where his character development will take him, and I'm looking forward to Season 3 and beyond.

It is now clear to me, underneath all Richie's machismo bluster and bravado lies a surprising level of perceptiveness, a philosophic/existential curiosity and sensitivity that, in addition to his love for reading and gift for gab, may potentially lend itself to him developing a compelling written voice should he ever have the desire to write stories of his own.

Perhaps he may be steered to do so if he seeks out counselling for himself, whether via Al-anon or otherwise; as journalling / writing and tapping into a creative pursuit is often recommended as a coping mechanism for processing trauma/grief?

I also think that, much in the same way that Carmy confessed to seeing his cooking as an art and a means of communication in his Al-anon monologue in Braciole in Season 1; it is telling that Richie repeatedly uses what he has read as a means to express himself and communicate with others in some of the moments that he is most happy, uninhibited, sincere, and/or vulnerable.

P.S. @thoughtfulchaos773 Thanks for the nudge - I dug this out of my drafts because of you - stay wonderful 😊❤️

If you've read this, thanks for reading and feel free to chime in!

[froznwater]

im so sorry this is incredibly random but if i dont write alenoah i WILL die but i cant think of anything to write. do u have any simple ideas. ignore if not

HI!!! tysm for your ask <3 i hope you can find something to write amongst all the ideas. These are a bunch of ideas have written down in my notes/google drive/tumblr posts and have not got gotten around to. I still might at some point in time but feel free to use them. I will still do my own take if I get the time/motivation. There's simply so many, why not share and inspire some fics :)

----

General ideas:

Noah knows/learns spanish. Bonus points if Alejandro isn't aware until the perfect moment.

Alejandro thinks he can get away with flirting with Noah in spanish. Noah starts shit talking in spanish. Noah learns so he can hear all the little comments Alejandro keeps making under his breath. etc. so many possibilities.

Now that the show is over and Noah's off to college, he realizes he’s missing something in his life. Maybe it’s his friends, maybe it’s a lack of ever-looming danger, OR maybe it’s Alejandro. Who fucking knows. He’s too busy trying not to be in love with Alejandro to figure it out. 

Their group project is failing, horribly. There’s one thing Noah knows for certain: Alejandro's to blame. At what point does slippery eel turn into a term of endearment?

They have never ever fallen asleep next to each other. Let alone in each other's arms. Never.

Time loop where Alejandro is stuck on the episode where Noah gets voted out and sticks himself to falling in love because he can’t let go of his pride long enough to simply let Noah stay in the game and move on.

Noah loses his contacts and starts wearing his glasses more often. Alejandro notices. Everyone notices Alejandro notices.

Alejandro and Noah team up to get their friends together (insert whatever ship you like) and end up together in the process/the other two were trying to do the same thing for them.

A commentary timeline on how Alejandro's charisma turn into exploitation, how Noah's patience turned into indifference, and how they parallel each other. (I've written a few hundred words for this one lol.)

Each thinks the other doesn't like them. Cut to third party POV that watches and witnesses them completely a mess for each other.

Noah, once voted out in I See London, learns about Alejandro's family. Who have been very vocal since the show started airing.

Exploration of how Alejandro tries really really hard. Yes, He's at the top of the class, but so is Noah. Noah who sleeps through classes and doesn't turn in homework and shows up late or simply not at all and is still right up there with him.

“I would kill to be like you. To just absorb all the information fed to me. If I were you I might actually- “(beat my brother) “Might actually what?” “I told you. I don’t want to talk about it, Noah.” - "Do you know how long I studied for that test? Hours. And you- You got a 96 with no effort at all." It was a 98. But this seems like a bad time to correct him.

Dialogue one-liners prompts i've written down:

"If we make it out of this alive, I'm going to kiss you."

“Why do I feel like I cant say no to you?”

"I know you don't actually care about me, but thank you for trying to pretend that you do." (Said by Noah is joking. Said by Alejandro is bitter.)

"You can't win against someone who has nothing to lose."(Alejandro OR Noah angst.)

Soulmate aus:

My big two: Telepathy/Mentally linked.(imagine this one as a wt rewrite omg) And Whatever you draw on yourself shows up on your soulmate. Matching tattoos.

First words on each other. (I've done this one already here. but feel free to do it as well!!)

Communicating through dreams. (If you know cardcaptor sakura; like that.)

General AUs:

Until dawn AU.

Gakuen Alice AU.

My Babysitters A Vampire AU. Zombie Apoc AU.

Harry Potter AU. Reality Dating Show AU.

Infinity Train AU!!!!!!

Veronica Mars AU!!!! (i wanna do this one ALOT noah is sooo veronica LMAO) OBLIGATORY IDEAS:

seven minutes in heaven.

wrong number.

trapped in a closet.

movie night. noah is sitting under alejandro and lol they are physically, platonically touching for awhile. (leads to finally getting together).

one gets injured, the other fixes them up in the nurses office :P.

short "prompt-ishs" i've started writing:

“What the hell is your problem, Alejandro?” And this time, the tone was so disgusted, so bitter, that something snapped, deep in Alejandro’s chest.

Fuck it.

“What’s my problem?” He asked, incredulous. “What’s my problem? You’ve got to be kidding me, Courtney. I almost died. I almost died, paralyzed and alone, and the only friend I thought I had didn’t give a single shit! The only person who cared was Noah, of all people. I quite literally come back to life and the only thing you can do is whine about your girlfriend problems.”

Courtney takes a step back.

“I was stuck in a robot for months, my legs barely work, my family moved on- actually, I don’t know if they ever actually even noticed,” He laughs, broken, “- and you have the audacity to ask me what my problem is?!”

Alejandro is over playing nice. He’s had enough.

-

this one is a rivals team up to get out courtney blurb

little idea about Alejandro getting into zodiacs.

moments where alejandro questions why Noah is so attractive

-

SEND MORE ASKS IF ANYONE HAS ANY QUESTIONS ON ANY OF THESE IDEAS!!! / IF THEY HAVE ANY IDEAS OR CONCEPTS TO ADD OR EXPAND ON :)))

[cy-cyborg]

Disability 101: The language of Disability

Trigger Warning: this post contains discussions of disability slurs (specifically the C and R slurs), and the history of disabled people's use in medical experimentation, including specific (but brief) examples.

Most of the content on my blog is aimed specifically at authors, artists and other creatives, but I've been noticing for a while now, that many of the people who come here to learn about writing and designing better and more compassionate disabled representation are often missing what I would consider to be pretty fundamental knowledge of the disabled community, or have gotten said information from a questionable source, for example, through corporate sensitivity training, who's given them just straight-up incorrect information. This isn't surprising, nor is it really the fault of the people seeking to learn more, rather, it's because of the way society at large talks about (or I suppose, doesn't talk about) disability. However this lack of foundational understanding often leads to creators accidentally including harmful tropes, using damaging or unnecessarily coded language or just including misinformation about our community into their works, often in ways that are quite hard to change by the time they realise there's an issue.

But before we continue:

The disability community is massive and we have a lot of history most people are totally unaware of which influences a lot of these fundamentals. It doesn't help that there are a lot of "allies" to our community who completely ignore and speak over us, many of whom have bigger platforms that actual disabled people, so their advice is seen and shared by more people, muddying the waters even further and making it difficult to discern what is and isn't "good information". Because of that, I understand that it can be hard to know where to start, so while most of my content is dedicated to specifically talking about disability representation in media, and how creators can include better representation in their own works, I also want to take some time to talk about some of the fundamental information about the disabled community I feel everyone (creator or not) should know.

Today I'm going to start on what I think trips people up the most when they're first trying to learn: The language surrounding disability. What terms we (generally) prefer, what terms to avoid, all that. I don't think this is necessarily the most important thing to know right off the bat, but it is probably one of the topics non-disabled people are the most confidently incorrect about, and where general misinformation is the most rampant.

Disclaimer: Before we go ahead, it's important to remember that the disabled community is not a monolith, especially so when we are talking about something like language and preferred terms. This post is designed to be a starting off point, not a rigid set of rules or all-encompassing guide. Different individuals may prefer different terms, possibly even ones listed in this article as words to avoid. Articles like this should always be taken as a general guideline but you should always be respectful of an individual's preference and refer to them how they have asked you to refer to them, even if it goes against general advice you've been given. However, it's important to bear in mind that just because that individual has a preference for a less popular term or even a term others find offensive, doesn't mean every disabled person is ok with it. It's also important to consider that different communities, cultures and countries, as well as people who speak different languages or even dialects of the same language, will have different general preferences, and so it is crucial to do further research on your own.

Disability and disabled are not dirty Words, it's ok to say it

If you grew up in the 1990's or later, like I did, you very likely heard words like "special needs," "differently-abled," "Special education" (often shortened to SPED). There's a very good chance that if you worked in education, healthcare (especially for children), with some disability charities or even if you were the parent of a disabled kid during this time, you were likely told to use these terms as a replacement for words like disabled, because "disability" and specific terms like "autism," "amputee," "downs syndrome," "paraplegic," etc put the focus on the things the person doesn't have or can't do. Calling them "disabled" implies there is something wrong with them, whereas these alternatives put a focus on the idea that folks with these conditions are "different, not less". At least, that's what a lot of people are told.

This is what we call coded language, and it's an issue because a lot of disabled people despise it. There are exceptions, of course, I know a few people who are indifferent, but I honestly can't recall anyone who was disabled themselves who preferred it outside of very young children who's parents insisted it was better (though most chose to move away from it as they got older).

But why? well, because of something that I'm sure you'll notice is going to be a pattern throughout this post: we didn't create these terms, and they weren't made for us, not really.

Most disabled people don't really see using the term "disabled" or any of the modern diagnostic terms (for the most part) as an issue. Yes, many do, by definition, focus on things we don't have, can't do or might struggle with; the definition of an amputee is someone who is missing a limb, the definition of paraplegia is someone who has paralysis in their lower body and legs, meaning they might not be able to or might struggle to move them. The definition of a disability is a little more complex and varies from country to country, but the American CDC defines it as "Any condition of the body or mind that makes it more difficult for the person with the condition to do certain activities and interact with the world around them."

These definitions sound negative, but it's not a bad thing to acknowledge someone doesn't have something most other people possess, or struggles with things others don't. It doesn't make someone "less" to acknowledge they have a barrier others don't. It's just acknowledging a part of our lived experience and acknowledging that our lives, because of these barriers, can sometimes look different, in both big and small ways.

However, a lot of people who are not used to being around disabled people get deeply uncomfortable with this, and this refusal to use straight-forward words like disabled is a symptom of that. This discomfort comes, in my experience, from a lack of understanding of disability as a whole, and potentially misplaced sympathy. They don't know how we do things they see as important, how we could do without the things they have, or what technology or services is available to help us bridge those gaps. This unknown makes a lot of non-disabled people scared, uncomfortable or makes them sad for us, even when it's not necessary. They see that we can't do something they can, like move our legs for example, and make a series of assumptions based on incomplete information. They imagine a life like ours and don't know how it could possibly be fulfilling, because they are missing so many vitally important pieces of information, making our lives look empty, bland and sad.

They don't have the full picture, but ironically, this discomfort stops them from learning more. If you go into a topic like this, assuming it will be depressing and bleak, why would you want to double check? For many, the fact that it doesn't take much for them to become disabled too adds to that feeling of discomfort and fear, so they turn away and try to pretend we're just "different" and insist on replacing the "scary" words that acknowledge the challenges and barriers they too will have to face if they become like us with things that comfort themselves, not us.

All of this is especially important to remember in the cases of disabled people who are severely limited by their disabilities (whether it be due to the disability itself, or the lack of accommodations for it) and who's disabilities do have negative impacts on their lives. It's important to acknowledge that for some of us, the negative stigma around our disabilities is mostly misinformation and an incomplete picture, like I mentioned before, that altering how something is done or approaching things differently can completely remove those barriers for some of us (e.g. like building ramps instead of stairs), but it won't for everyone. terms like "differently abled" completely ignore and dismiss the experiences of this part of the community, all they do is remind the person that you are uncomfortable acknowledging what they are dealing with. "disabled" on the other hand is inclusive of us both.

Person-first vs Identity-first language

Another aspect of the language surrounding disability that causes confusion in a lot of non-disabled people is whether or not you should be using person-first or identity-first language.

Person-first is where you put the person before the name of the disability, for example "Person with a disability," "Person with autism," "person with amputations," etc. Identity-first language, on the other hand, is where you put the person's disabled identity first, so "disabled person," or in the case of some disabilities, you might drop the need to say person at all, so it would be "autistic" and "amputee".

Unlike the last section, the answer to which one you should be using varies a lot on who you ask, and both types of language have their own benefits.

Person-First

Chances are, if you've done any kind of work that would have put you into contact with disabled people in the last few decades or so, you were instructed to use person-first language. weather you are a journalist, a doctor, an educator, a government employee, or were part of many, many other industries, chances are that you were taught to use it.

The reason for this is that, before the introduction and widespread use of person-first language to describe disability, non-disabled people were much less kind in how they spoke about us. Many people openly used slurs, even in formal settings, or referred to us (individually) as "the disabled," "the wheelchair," "the blind," "the downs syndrome," etc. e.g. "the wheelchair over there asked for assistance," or "I'm seeing the downs syndrome at 3pm."

This was especially prevalent in the medical field, with healthcare professionals often exclusively referring to their patients in this (or similar) ways, refusing to acknowledge their personhood, the value of their lives or their lived experiences beyond their disabilities. The medical field often mistreated and abused disabled patients, and before the introduction of laws protecting the rights of disabled people, this was not only completely legal to do, but was sometimes encouraged. On top of general mistreatment, disabled people, specifically, those being kept in mental institutions, asylums, and other places dedicated to their "care" (or containment) were often used as human test subjects.

There are countless examples throughout history, such as when Dr Henry Heiman infected two boys with gonorrhoea without their consent or the consent of their parents in New York in 1895, one of whom was only four years old with epilepsy and the other was 16 years old with unspecified intellectual disabilities. Dr Thomas Francis infected multiple disabled individuals with influenza in 1941, and George L. Fitch who infected six children under 12 living in the "Hawaiian Leper Colony" with what he thought was Syphilis in 1833. The personhood of the victims of these studies were often ignored or downplayed, so it's not too surprising then, that when the disabled community was finally able to start pushing back against their mistreatment in the late 1900's (The specific decade varies depending on which country you're talking about), they advocated for language that put their humanity and personhood first and foremost, making it much harder for people to forget that they were, in fact, still people and deserved to be treated as such.

Today, person-first is still preferred by parts of the community who still face more dehumanisation than most in the disabled community. for example, it's still very popular among people with downs syndrome. Of course, generalisations are just that: generalisations. There are many people with disabilities who experience very extreme dehumanisations, and still prefer not to use person-first, and vice versa.

There are also a number of disabilities that simply don't have names that work using identity-first language for grammatical reasons, such as people with ADHD (though some online communities use "ADHDers" in more informal settings) or people with BPD. Most often these are the disabilities who's names are acronyms, and so person-first is still used, but more out of necessity than genuine preference.

Identity-First

Identity first isn't technically newer than person-first language, but it's use, and it's name, has changed connotations recently as it has begun to become popular in parts of the community.

You see, for some people, their disabilities are an important part of their sense of self, or at the very least, their disabilities are so impactful on their lives, for better or worse, that they feel like they would be a completely different person without them. This is what we mean when we talk about disability as an identity, and what we mean when we say identity-first.

For some folks who prefer identity-first language, they feel like person-first is trying to distance them from their disability, often for the comfort of non-disabled people. It makes a disability sound like something you carry with you and that you could simply leave at the door if you could, not an important part of yourself. It sounds as strange as saying "A person with creativity" as opposed to "a creative person" or, to compare it to another identity of my own, "a person with gayness" instead of "a gay person".

This particular reason is popular among communities such as some parts of the autistic community, as autism impacts their brain, their personality, their interests, the way they communicate with others and more. If they were suddenly "cured" of their autism, they would be totally different people, and so they feel "autistic" is a better descriptor, as they simply can't be separated from their disability. It's a part of what makes them who they are. This is also popular among people born with their disabilities who have only ever known life that way, or those who have had their disabilities for a long time. Their disability, weather directly (such as autism) or indirectly (due to how people treat them, what opportunities or lack there of were available to them, the people they interacted with, etc) has impacted them so much that, once again, if they weren't disabled, they would have become a wholly different person.

Some prefer identity-first because they feel that they should not have to remind others that they are people. They feel it is unnecessary, and that if you need to be constantly reminded that any group of people you don't belong to are still people just because they are different to you, that's honestly just concerning. And then there are some in the community, who just prefer it because it's usually shorter and easier to say.

There's also a lot of people who don't really care either way. Personally, I fall into this category for the most part, as do most people I know. while I do lean more towards identity-first because it's easier to write and say, and because I agree, I think we as a society shouldn't need to be reminded of anyone's personhood so frequently in 2024, I also recognise that unfortunately, some people do still need that reminder.

It's important to note, that calling someone "the wheelchair," "the disabled," "The autistic," etc is not identity-first language, it's typically under the categorisation of objectifying language and you'll be hard-pressed to find anyone who likes or prefers that. Using identity-first language for these disabilities might look like, "Wheelchair user," "autistic/disabled person" or "that person is disabled/autistic". A good rule-of-thumb is to just avoid using "the" when referring to individuals or even groups of people (e.g. the disabled, the elderly, the gays etc).

Slurs

I also want to talk about slurs briefly. A slur, in this context, is defined by Merriam Webster as "an insulting or disparaging remark or innuendo," though it is often used specifically when referring to words of particularly strong impact, often with a lot of history behind why they have that impact.

For the disability community, many (though not all) of our slurs are somewhat unique, in that they were once considered medical diagnoses. While a lot of people do make this argument disingenuously, I do believe there are some people who are genuinely confused about this, which is why I quickly want to bring it up.

Words like "cripple," "retard," and many, many more I am not comfortable saying for a variety of reasons, all started as actual diagnoses. In fact, several of the sources I used even use them in this way, such as the sites and books I found talking about the two boys Henry Heinman infected almost always referring to them as being "mentally retarded" or "experiencing mental retardation".

I've talked about "cripple" specifically in detail before, but in all of these cases, the word went from a neutral descriptor (at least, in theory) to something that was used in increasingly negative ways, both by the medical professionals diagnosing people with these terms, and the general public. In medical settings, these words were often used to justify the horrible treatment directed at people with disabilities (Like we discussed before), and even after protections were put into place, the language kept its associations. In the general public, these words started being used as insults directly, both directed at disabled people and in general. If you went to school in the 2000's, you probably heard "retard" being used as an insult on the playground as a replacement for stupid or ridiculous. You can see how, when a whole generation starts associating a diagnosis with "ridiculous" it starts to become an issue. This would then feed back into how the terms were used medically. As much as we'd like to think of doctors and healthcare professionals as being unaffected by cultural norms, history has proven time and time again that this was not the case. If you'd grown up hearing a real diagnosis as a synonym for an insult, it's not going to make your opinion of the patients you're giving that title to particularly positive unless you're going to spend a lot of time deconstructing those implications, which, in my experience, many do not.

So yes, even though these might have been acceptable terms once, their use in overwhelmingly negative ways has caused a lot of disabled people to become deeply uncomfortable with them, and they have since been deemed slurs.

Of course, not every slur related to disability came from outdated diagnostic terms. The M-slur used against little people, for example, originated during the times where little people's only option for employment was in freak-shows and other demeaning rolls, such as being kept as pets by nobility. The M-slur was used to compare them to a type of small, annoying fly, a midge, as a way to further humiliate and dehumanise them.

There have been movements that attempted or are currently in the process of reclaiming some of these slurs, with notable examples like the "cripplepunk" community for physically disabled people (They do, however, ask that able-bodied people call the movement "c-punk" instead). Though other words like "retard" are more debated, and many people with intellectual and cognitive disabilities (who the slur was usually directed at) feel it is too early to start that process, or feel it should not be reclaimed at all. At the end of the day, it is the people with the disabilities impacted by these terms who get to decide if, how and when a slur is reclaimed, not outside forces and wider society.

Focusing back in on authors and creatives for a moment, if you're writing a disabled character, but you yourself are not disabled, I'd highly recommend against using slurs in your work, even if your character is part of the community that could reclaim it. Even if you are disabled in that same way, I'd recommend caution. I often call myself a cripple in a joking light, but I probably will never feel comfortable including it in any of my work (outside articles like this where we're discussing it, of course). If you really, really must include these slurs, make sure to get input from others in the community.

Outgroup Terms

Finally, one last thing I want to bring up is in reference to the "outgroup terms" disabled people use for people without a disability.

A very common misconception is that if you aren't disabled, you're able-bodied, but this isn't true! Able-bodied (sometimes shortened to A.B.) refers to people without physical disabilities specifically, so you can be able-bodied but still have an intellectual disability or some kind of neurodivergence like autism, dyslexia, or schizophrenia. Likewise, you can be neurotypical - the word for people who aren't neurodivergent - and physically disabled.

If you want to refer to people without any disabilities at all, the most common way to do that, and the term I've been using throughout this post, is just non-disabled. Some people also use the term "abled" but this isn't as widely agreed upon, as many people assume it's just a shortened version of able-bodied.

Conclusion

As I said in the beginning, this post is meant to just be a general guide, not hard and fast rules. The disabled community isn't a monolith, and we don't agree on everything and that's ok. Different people and groups will have different preferences and that's ok too. If you're an outsider to the community and you aren't sure what words or terms to use, just ask (so long as you're polite about it and/or it's relevant to the conversation at hand, it's fine) but always respect an individual's preference over a generic piece of advice like this post. Under no circumstances should you ever correct a disabled person on how they refer to themselves and their own community. If they refer to themselves as disabled, that's great. If they call themselves, a person with a disability, also great! I can not tell you how many non-disabled people who have told me I am "disrespecting myself" for calling myself an amputee, autistic or disabled.

At the end of the day, how any individual wishes to refer to themselves is their choice, but for creatives, especially those of you writing disabled characters as a non-disabled person, it's important to be aware of the reception and implications different words may have with your audience.

[Thumbnail ID: An image of overlapping speech bubbles on a blue background containing several terms, ranging from commonly accepted to offensive, used to refer to disabled people. Some of the more easily visible bubbles say things like "differently abled," "Disabled," "Special Needs," "Person With a Disability," "Special," "Slow" and many more. In the centre, the biggest bubble says "Disability 101: The Language of Disability." /End ID]

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

02/26/24 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Cast&Crew;WeeJohnWondays; New Calendar; Watch Party Reminders; Uk Billboard; Trends; Fan Spotlight; Love Notes; DailyDarby/Tonight'sTaika

== Cast & Crew Sightings ==

= Wee John Wonday! =

No guests today! Just the wonderful Kristian Nairn himself! So I didn't get time to write up a synopsis, so I'll give you a few highlights I thought you might like!

Next Wee John Wonday will feature: Ruibo Qian and Anapela Polataivao!

Calypso's Birthday Airing Episode, the guests will be: Con O'Neill and Gypsy Taylor!

Tattoos!

GOT questions!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Kristian Nairn (@kristiannairn)

== New Calendar ==

Weekly Calendar! Tomorrow is #TomatoTuesday!

#TomatoTuesday is a day to rave about OFMD's rave ratings on Rotten Tomatoes to different streamers! Please add your own review if you haven't already! Rotten Tomatoes Review Tutorial.

== WATCH PARTY REMINDERS! ==

= People of Earth S2 =

People of Earth S2 continues tomorrow Feb 27 at 9 pm GMT / 4pm EST / 3pm CST / 1pm PST. Need access? Reach out to @iamadequate1!

#PiratesOfEarth

= Uncle Season 2 Watch Party! =

Wed 28th + Thurs 29th GMT - 8pm / ET - 3pm / PST - 12 pm Streaming on I-player! Outside the UK? Follow this VPN tutorial to learn more.

#ForTheNewUncle

= Joe Lycett Watch Party =

According to the new weekly calendar you can join @lcwebsxoxo for Joe Lycett Watch Party at 10 pm GMT on twitter! #YoureATreasure

== UK Billboard ==

As many of you have heard, the Save OFMD Crew has been working on getting a billboard going in the UK.

"Our goal is to help achieve pick-up for Our Flag Means Death. To do it, we need the show (and the campaign) to continue garnering attention through sustained interest, viewership and fandom growth, and we need to prove to other streamers that picking up the show is a good financial investment."

Since there's so much information, I'm just going to give you some links that you can peruse at your leisure:

Save OFMD Crewmates Billboard Post on Tumblr

Transparency Policy

London Billboard FAQ

SaveOFMD Crew Contact Info

If you'd like to donate to the billboard/truck/subway effort (it's not required) please visit: Save OFMD Ko-Fi

I mentioned in another post-- if you don't feel comfortable reaching out to SaveOFMD Crew directly, and want to chat/forward feedback anonymously, I'm more than happy to do that on your behalf, just shoot me an anon ask. However, I will probably not get to them tonight because it's already very late, sorry! I'll forward them on first thing in the morning for me.

== Trends ==

Sure looks like #OurFlagBBC is still going pretty strong! Great job friends!

== Fan Spotlight ==

= Collages =

Almost at the end of the month of February -- and the Feburary LOVE #OurFlagMeansDeath Collage Fest! from our fabulous crew-mate @WanderingNomad on Twitter! So close to being caught up on the rest of the month!

Day 26: Season 2 Costumes!

Day 10: Ewan Bremner!

Day 11: Joel Fry

Day 12: Ruibo Qian

Wanna be featured in the fan spotlight? Send me a message! We're trying to make sure our creative crewmates are getting a chance to strut their stuff! I've been reaching out to several folks so hopefully we'll have lots more soon!

== Love Notes ==

Hey Lovelies. Tonight, I was gonna write a bunch of stuff but then I found this video of Rhys sending some love and encouragement, and I felt like it was needed more than anything else. I haven't gotten permission to share the full video on here yet, so if I do I'll get it posted. For now, @lividturkeys posted an uplifting section that I think we all need to hear tonight.

"Keep the laughter coming...We stick together and keep bringing love and joy to this planet, it needs it more than ever...Keep laughing, Love you"

== Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika ==

Okay so I'm running out of time, so tonight will be pics not gifs, sorry all. One of these days I'll finish catching up earlier in the day (ha!)

PS: I have no idea why but my 5 year old finds Taika and Rhys HILARIOUS. Like, laugh his ass off roll on the floor laughing when he sees Taika talking and Rhys making silly movements.

[im-going-to-eat-your-family]

I get super offtrack and stuff but um here's me talking about myself and stuff

If you wanna listen to me rant ig:

So I learned about therianthropy from youtube (bc I don't have/want tiktok) and it was very different when I searched it on tumblr

I'm a lot more informed now I think and I've gotten more comfortable in my own fur (haha get it?[I'm so sorry]) and it was a huge thing for me for the first few months cause like WOAH new identity unlocked! And I wanted to tell my friends cuz... They are my friends ..... And I want them to know who I am ig

And holy roll of toilet paper that was so freaking awkward

I explained a little bit about what it was, and how it was different from tt and yt and they didn't say anything they just kinda say there and we're like okayyyy thennnnnn and I told them if they wanted to ask questions they could and i wouldn't bring it up again if it made them uncomfy

So I didn't bring it up again

One of the two friends has never said anything about it at all (it's fine, it is kinda weird even to me, so I understand) and the other is I think getting more less uncomfortable about it

Like friend #2 I was walking home from school with and they go 'haha you sound like a crow' and I just AAAAAAAA THAT MEANT SO MUCH TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE

but it is such an uncomfortable topic for people that I will never share that again unless they ask. I'm not gonna lie but I'm not gonna bring it up either 😭😭

I do occasionally hint at it? Like I won't say 'therian' or 'alterhuman/nonhuman' but I will say 'lok yeah I'm a crow/otter/cougar/etc' and I love doing that

It makes me so happy

Bc 'therian' makes people think of people that wear masks and run around on all fours (neither of these things are bad, but that isn't what therianthropy always is. The way I worded that sounds negative but I don't mean it that way I'm just bad with words)

And that makes ppl uncomfortable bc they don't understand it

Anyway

Online? I've gotten so much more comfortable

I've occasionally mentioned my animalness on my main blog bc.... ITs whO I aM

I don't like sharing my user to ppl I know offline bc I don't want them to know

But

I think as I've grown more used to and comfortable with my identity, I care less

So the next time a friend asks for my user? I will say @im-too-emotionally-involved because if they care about me at all? They will respect me and who I am.

[wachtelspinat]

hi! i found your blog like an hour ago (though i've been familiar with your art for a /long/ time; when i read that ask you got earlier about you being THE tf2 artist, i thought to myself, "wow, really? the only tf2 art i can think of that's deserving of that description is [vividly pictures YOUR fanart]" -- so when i checked your art tag it was genuinely like encountering a celebrity, heh. all this to say, you really ARE The TF2 Artist. it's an honor to finally properly follow your blog :]). i've been reading your posts about your personal journeys (both physical and emotional/self-conceptual) and i've just been... really really moved by it all? your openness with feeling disconnected with your art, and then how you've slowly come to reconnect with it in a new way and restructure it back into your life... it just fills me with so much catharsis and hope. because life is hectic and things change so much and the way that one creates art as an adult is going to be different than how one created art as a teenager... so to see you acknowledge that fact and then share your own journey? ahh god like i said... it's really profound. i'm a lot younger than you (i turn 20 next month, actually!), so you've experienced so much more to life than me, and hearing how you've struggled with and then gotten out of so many of the fears that i have is just... deeply, deeply inspiring to me. especially your latest posts about your time in australia, and how it's always been something you've wanted to do but spent so many years stuck/anxious/stagnant... and how now you've finally actually *done it* and it's *real* and that you had the most amazing incredible time that exceeded all your expectations?!?! and not only that, but how finally achieving this thing you've always wanted changes the narrative of how you previously defined yourself... that now maybe you ARE the sort of person who can do the things you love and have the things that make you happy... maybe i'm projecting too much here heh god but my point is. it just made me very emotional and so VERY very utterly elated for you :'] and just augh. i am so glad you've had this incredible experience. and like i've said half a dozen times by now (because it's just so true) it is just. so inspiring to me. everything you've shared with such honesty and humanity has been just so profoundly moving to see and it fills me with so much hope. thank you for sharing your journey with us, and thank you as always, past and present and future, for your art. i hope this message isn't too terribly parasocial, and if it is, i apologize ;_; and i hope you're having a lovely day!!!

hey there !

this kind of hit me like a truck but in the most positive way, and i am not exaggerating when i say what you wrote also brought me to tears.

first of all thanks for your generous words regarding my art and sdkjfhkjas i still cannot wrap my head around the idea that you (and at least one other person) thinks about me as THE tf2 artist because... i like my art just fine, it's just there are other folks out there, with their almost god-like tf2 art, meanwhile i just spammed y'all with my sniperxspy art and some random silly stuff over the years... but i love it, so thank you so so much, the thought that you guys dig my art this much will always knock me right off my feet in the most positive way 🧡🧡🧡

ok so, the next part took me a while to formulate because how do i respond to such a heartfelt message in a way that shows my gratitude just right? like i want to thank you again for reaching out and writing all this, but also for taking your time and reading through my blog. i know that everything i post here is open to the internet and a lot of ppl, so sharing personal information (in form of updates in life) is not always the best idea. but i always admired ppl on here that were able to reflect on their lives and share what they've learned. even if it's just somethig as simple as "and after each day comes another and it will be different, for the worse or the better, but different at least", which, falling on the right ears at a specific time, can change perspective (it did for me on multiple occasions, this and other takes, because hearing from ppl who go through similar things is a sad reality, but also such a connecting experience). so in a way, sharing is caring, and so talking about life experiences, especially when they are kind of abstract, like art blocks, depressions, can really open some unexpected doors.

so what also happened after being open about vulnerable situations in life was ppl reaching out. and this was really something that left me so speechless. i had several ppl who took their time and wrote to me about their experiences and ways of coping strategies and other helpful actions. and sometimes they just acknowledged what i wrote which was such a warm gesture that made me feel seen. and i cannot put into words how much that meant to me when i felt at my lowest a few years back. let's be honest for a second, on here we hardly know each other, even if we are mutuals, but that doesn't stop us from reaching out to one another because that is such a big part of the human experience.

sorry for rambling but it is hard, at least for me, just trying to fully grasp it all. it makes me so happy to read that catching up on the things i wrote about my life resonated with you on a deeper level and that it gave you something back in exchange - catharsis and hope. i am deeply touched by your words and your ability to grasp the essence of what i tried to convey, it feels almost surreal to have it summarized and reflected so clearly when my original thoughts were scattered all over my blog over a span of multiple months, years even. like, really, thank you so much for all of this, the time and thoughts you put into your message, your genuine expression of your feelings and joy on my behalf, it means a lot and i fail to put my thanks into words, idk... i feel seen again. and no worries, i don't think this is too parasocial, after all i put my thoughts out there, and you just happened to read them 🧡

so again and again, thank you so much, and i also hope you have a lovely day <3

[little-bit-obsessed]

The Chronicles of Narnia: Social Medias

I've recently been writing an AU of The Chronicles of Narnia with @thedivinemischievousspark, based on the idea that the Pevensies live in the modern world rather than during the war! The AU is basically Prince Caspian being sent to their world years after the events of the second movie (ignoring the third one because it doesn't work as well with the plot) when all the Pevensies are adults and have given up on the idea of ever returning to Narnia again. It's Peter x Caspian (and also Susan x Caspian at the beginning), but right now none of it has been posted, not sure whether it'll be posted yet (if it is it'll be on AO3) but I wanted to share their social medias! Here they are below:

Susan

♡ Job: Beauty Specalist ♡

♡ Lives: Alone in a London flat ♡

♡ Doesn't love doing social media, only has it out of social pressure, posts mainly shots of her clothes but occasionally something related to what she's doing. She shares all her Instagram posts to Facebook. Is single, having never properly gotten over Caspian, and doesn’t have many friends. She wishes to move on from her past in Narnia ♡

Lucy

♤ Job: Studying Folklore at uni ♤

♤ Lives: With her brothers in a terraced house ♤

♤ Only recently bothered getting Instagram but she enjoys it, although she also uses TikTok an awful lot ajd has Snapchat. She always makes appreciation posts about her siblings, likes posting little quotes, and styling pretty pictures to make her life seem magical, like it was in Narnia ♤

Peter

◇ Job: Works multiple barmen jobs ◇

◇ Lives: In a terraced house with siblings ◇

◇ Loves Instagram, finds it a fun way to commemorate his life. Posts videos/pictures of his family all the time, baking and working out, does photography to post. He glamourises his life using social media, but in reality is struggling trying to support Lucy and Edmund, and misses being king. He’s been fired a few times for being impatient with demanding customers. Has lots of friends but doesn’t get too much time to see them ◇

Edmund

♧ Job: Studying International Relations at Uni, is a student ambassador to help make money ♧

♧ Lives: In a terraced house with siblings ♧

♧ Doesn't use Instagram much, but lurks on it a lot. Likes Instagram shorts and YouTube shorts but has never tried TikTok and is never planning to. Sometimes he posts YouTube shorts of his siblings, but only rarely and isn't well-known ♧

Caspian

☆ Job: Unemployed (reigning king of Narnia) ☆

☆ Lives: In between Susan’s and the other's ☆

☆ Has been taught how to use Instagram by Lucy, and enjoys it. Is on public and has gained followers due to posting a lot of informative and well-tagged posts about sailing and astronomy. Has a lot of people thirst following him. Also has a TikTok account but he doesn’t understand how it works. Is enjoying learning more about London, but is desperate to one day go back to Narnia. He has also discovered a love for alcoholic cocktails ☆

[unending-vigil]

give me your most self-indulgent tma headcanon (that you feel comfortable sharing). doesn't matter what or who it's about, that's up to you

hello nem. i finally get to your ask. so, it's not a headcanon, but close enough because i made it all up. in my head. and as such it's very self-indulgent, clearly

I'm Going To Talk About Clara Von Closen (i like clara better than carla so. that's the name i use for her even though she's carla in 127)

putting this under the cut because it's practically a fucking essay

we get... 5 pieces of information about her, shall we say

either she or albrecht (or both) are infertile, as they cannot have a child of their own

she feels something parental towards their nephew

she doesn't want to go out and explore the spooky tomb with albrecht

she plays the pianoforte excellently, but, according to albrecht, does not sing very well

she died of fever a few years before albrecht

now, i believe someone had introduced to me the idea of Web!Clara before I started thinking about her properly, and this influenced how I fleshed out those things. namely, the powerlessness she had—because surely being a woman in the cultural context of the regency era must feel like being a terribly powerless puppet. in what other ways does she feel powerless?

here's where I talk about the characterisation I got for her based on the above:

i started with the way she, reportedly, cannot sing well, but can play the pianoforte excellently. so she's got musical inclinations. i begin to wonder if her singing voice really is terrible, or if albrecht personally just does not like it. perhaps she's got a deep voice. i begin to wonder if perhaps she wanted to be a singer in some capacity when she was a child, and had her dreams shattered by something entirely outside of her control. and she threw herself at learning to play a variety instruments with more passion than before, because this she can control, her body will bend to her whims and she will wring the music that nobody wanted to hear from her throat out of the strings of objects, instead.

and then the fact that one of them is infertile. i consider the way I've given her a craving for control, and i think that if it were just albrecht, she would've found a way to get pregnant, and she would've told him that it was his. so that's another thing out of her control, another thing taken from her by her body. she wanted a child, wanted to shape and mould and watch them grow. and she didn't get that.

it was at this point in characterising clara that I go oh, have I made her intersex by accident? a singing voice perhaps more mannish than is acceptable for her, infertility... so i roll with it. alright. Clara is intersex. another thing out of her control, something that means others might consider her undesirable if she's not careful. she wouldn't have understood why her body changed differently to other girls, but she would've known, intimately, to keep it secret. she learns to do what it takes to keep herself safe.

her secrets have secrets. it starts with her body, but it's a few years, at most, that that's her only secret to keep. does she love albrecht, or is she just fond of him and glad he doesn't pry too hard? is she manipulating him in order to exert control over her life, more than any woman in this time should have? (does she even like men? one more thing to hide, to never tell.)

so—her relationship with Wilhelm, their nephew. "Myself and Clara have since made every effort to provide him with guidance and such affection as he may have lost." he was orphaned at 14, his mother having died in childbirth and his father passing on for unstated reasons.

this is almost as good as a child of her own. he's an orphan, so she's not competing with anyone, and while she may not have gotten to help mould him as thoroughly as she would have a child born to her, she at least avoids the more messy stages of childhood. and adolescents are very, very malleable. what she wants is to pass on all she has, and while she may not necessarily get that, she nevertheless gets something of the sort.

i won't really touch on not really wanting to explore the spooky tomb. i think this is just that she has common sense, frankly. and maybe she has a little of that eye curiosity—blackmail is the simplest way of ensuring someone keeps your secret, after all, and to get that, some investigating is required. maybe she knows that the artefacts of the tomb won't kill albrecht by themselves, and she wants to see what will happen to him.

dying of fever could just be dying of fever. or, well, flies get caught in spiders' webs, don't they? perhaps a corruption avatar got caught in her manipulations and didn't care for it much... enough to strike her down. (and maybe she comforts herself by saying it's all part of a bigger plan. it's surely quite the reassurance, when so much hurts your own plans, out of your control)

here's where i talk about her relationship with the others in smirke's band:

this is something i haven't concretely put down nearly as much for, but i think she's... peripherally aware of their discussions, but of course they're not going to include a woman (love period-typical misogyny /s) and those two that might particularly object to leaving her out... well, it's only an objection in principle. neither like her much, and neither want to be outed as trans. further, while albrecht does try to explain if clara asks directly, he's hesitant to share in full and not the best at explanations besides

clara is definitely very aware that her husband is terribly, terribly smitten with all of his little friends. which is fine. she may not be particularly fond of jonah, the one who's both ringleader and most struggling in society, but they've spoken a few times. he's nice enough, when he's not asking who knows of her secrets, and when she's not having to threaten to expose his in turn.

she most certainly knows doctor jonathan fanshawe better than albrecht does, though. she discovered that he's transgender, and, well... it was perhaps a little shitty of her, but she threatened to out him if he breathed a word of the ways her body might be different to other women's, and especially to her husband (he might have noted some differences, but he's seen more men naked than women. he's easily persuaded that there's nothing "wrong" with clara). an easily blackmailable doctor is a good doctor, for a woman with secrets to keep.

and now i get into rarepair/crackship territory. welcome to skynet.

so. Simon Fairchild, who I will still refer to as Simon for clarity's sake despite not using this name at the time. consider: Simon Fairchild, genderfluid trans woman (sorry if I'm getting it Wrong mach). clara von closen, lesbian who's never actually gotten to be with a woman but just admires from afar.

simon, on the periphery of smirke's band, as clara is, gets to know her. they become close enough that it's improper, but albrecht isn't paying enough attention to know, too caught up in the other men. clara is curious as to why she's attracted to what she assumes is a man, and simon is smitten with this tall beautiful woman.

includes a very "Oh, so that explains it!" moment when simon explains, and simon being Very Very Gaslightable, to the utter delight of clara. her silly rabbit

snd. i am too tired to elaborate further I think so just have the post. Clara 👍 my favourite ruthless manipulative loveless lesbian who also does have a deeply soft side for kids and for her lame-ass gf

[mxlktxa]

ᴛᴀɪɴᴛᴇᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇ

ᴍᴏᴅᴇʀɴ!ᴀᴜ, ᴄᴏʟʟᴇɢᴇ!ᴀᴜ

ᴀʙʙʏ ᴀɴᴅᴇʀꜱᴏɴ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ (ᴍᴀʏʙᴇ ꜱʟɪɢʜᴛ ᴅᴇᴀʟᴇʀ!ᴇʟʟɪᴇ ᴡɪʟʟɪᴀᴍꜱ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ)

ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀꜱ; ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ*, ᴀʙʙʏ ᴀɴᴅᴇʀꜱᴏɴ (ʜɪɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴀᴛ/ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴᴇᴅ), ᴇʟʟɪᴇ ᴡɪʟʟɪᴀᴍꜱ, ᴊᴇꜱꜱᴇ ɴᴏʟᴀꜱᴛɴᴀᴍᴇ

ᴄᴡ; ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴅʀᴜɢꜱ (ᴡᴇᴇᴅ), ᴅʀᴜɢ ᴜꜱᴀɢᴇ, ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ᴇɴᴅᴇᴅ ᴜᴘ ɢʀᴇᴇɴɪɴɢ ᴏᴜᴛ, ɢʀᴇᴇᴋ ᴍʏᴛʜᴏʟᴏɢʏ ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇʀꜱᴀᴛɪᴏɴꜱ, ꜱᴛʀᴏɴɢ ʟᴀɴɢᴜᴀɢᴇ, ɪᴍᴘʟɪᴇᴅ ꜱᴛᴀʟᴋɪɴɢ

ᴡᴄ; 1.2ᴋ ᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ, 6.0ᴋ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀꜱ

ʟᴏᴏᴋɪɴɢ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇɢɪɴɴɪɴɢ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴍᴇꜱꜱ??

It had been a few weeks since I had left Abby in that bathroom, alone with her thoughts. Over those few weeks, she harassed me less and met me at my dorm less. At one point, she texted me on my socials to ask if we could meet up at some point. Of course, she never received a response from me. That led to Abby sending people to me to ask about how I've been and if I've gotten her text.

The last person that she had sent my way didn't even want to do what Abby asked her to. Her name was Ellie. I knew about her, of course, she was a drug dealer, but she kept a low profile somehow. She minded her own business, did her own thing, and pretty much just... well, that's all really. We even ended up getting close and she did not give any fucks about my situation.

We met up often, Ellie always bringing around a joint for us to share. Most of the time it just turned into her I suppose 'teaching' me how to smoke. She even tried to get me to do a bong rip, which is fucking terrifying. I eventually got the hang of it-- the joint, I'm not fucking with a bong, not yet-- so Ellie got me to smoke with her almost every time we met up.

"Ellie?" I whined, looking around the room. I felt like how TV static looked, my mind all foggy and not a thought behind my eyes. Except trying to figure out if I could overdose on the drug.

"What's up?" She replied with a low, monotone attitude, turning to me. I was staring at my hands, crying, and more than just a little freaked out, "Are you good?"

"Ellie, am I dying?" I whimpered, crawling to her and curling up in a ball, "Fuck, I don't wanna die! I have a test tomorrow! And I'm so hungry, I want food so bad. What's happening?" I hugged her waist, sniffling and shaking my head.

Ellie snorted before laughing her ass off, rubbing my back. I only cried harder at her cruel response, burying my face in her stomach, "You're not dying. You just greened the fuck out," she reassured me, hands now resting on the back of my head as I started to calm down and just lie there, "That's on me, I forget that you're new to this."

"So I'm not dying?"

"No, dude. You're fine," Ellie lifted my head carefully, winking at me, "You want some Cheetos and frosting?" I looked at Ellie with a confused face. The combination sounded so nasty but so good at the same time.

"Please," with a raspy voice and a small yawn, Ellie left me to lie on her bed while she ran off to get the snacks for me, "Can I have some juice too?"

"I only have fruit punch."

"I'll take it."

"Okay."

I loved being around Ellie. Not only because she was sweet to me, but because she hadn't exposed my actions or state to the entire campus. She had no pictures or videos of me, and she even refused to let me leave her dorm that day. Not until I was back to myself. I would like to go as far as calling her my best friend, but I've only known her for so long.

Anyways, here I sat in the library with Ellie and her friend Jesse, all of us sitting in silence and reading what we had in front of us. Ellie was trapped in a book that had all sorts of facts and information about space, Jesse was tangled up in a cookbook oddly enough, and I had my head shoved into a book about the Greek Goddess, Aphrodite.

"Alright," Ellie huffed, setting down her novel, slouching in her chair, and sinking as well, "We've been all been sitting here reading for what? An hour and a half? Tell me something interesting you guys found."

Jesse chuckled, crossing his arms to lean against the table. I glanced at him ready to hear what he has to say, "I just learned how to bake cinnamon roll sugar cookies," he shrugged, glancing at his book then at me, "What'd you learn, Ellie?"

"You have any idea how many Earths can fit into the sun? And keep in mind that the sun is an average-sized star," Ellie scoffed, pulling her hoodie up over her head, "About one million Earths can fit into the sun."

"Jesus, fuck," I huffed, sitting with a shocked expression. I wasn't a huge space nerd like Ellie, but I could always be easily entertained by the facts that she shares, "You're next, little lady," beneath the table, Ellie nudged my leg with her knee, grinning at the book I was going through.

"Uh, well... Aphrodite came from sea foam. Quick lesson, she's the Greek goddess of love, beauty, procreation, and pleasure. She was the one Goddess that was considered to be one of the most beautiful. Her husband was Hephaestus, who was thrown down a mountain because his mother took one glance at him and was like 'This baby looks wack as fuck'. Uhm, it's rumored or known that she had an affair with Ares."

"Who's Ares?" Jesse asked, closing my book to quiz me. I raised a brow at him, shaking my head.

"Ares is the God of war, not like Kratos from the franchise that's not the same thing. Though he shares that title with Athena, even if she is the goddess of war strategy. Another fun fact is that nobody likes him because he was disturbingly bloodthirsty. The only people who like him are Aphrodite and the Spartans."

Jesse nodded softly as he opened the book back up and shrugged, "Alright. Girl knows her Greek mythology."

"Of course, I do. Athena started this," I leaned back in my chair, pulling my knees up to hug them, "only because she just popped out of Zeus's head and was like 'what's up, fuckers, I'm Athena and that's all you need to know, later'," I giggled. Ellie's jaw dropped and she got all up in my face, confused.

"Seriously? Like she just fucking made an entrance and dipped?"

"Well, she was just a headache that Zeus had which was a gnarly headache by the way, and then she popped out and dipped. Fully clothed and armored," I shrugged. Ellie sat back, nodding at the information she had just received.

"That's fucking cool, honestly," Ellie laughed, "Wait, who's Athena?"

As much as I wanted to answer Ellie's question, I stopped myself and looked around uncomfortably. It felt like somebody was watching me and I needed to see who was watching me and where they were.

"Uhm... She's, uh," I whispered, looking at every person that wasn't Ellie and Dina, "Athena is the goddess of war strategy and she," I ended up making eye contact with a familiar face yet they were too far for me to make out, "Can we leave?" I asked, picking my things up and getting out of my chair.

Ellie looked in the same direction I had been staring at, getting to be defensive and understanding, "Yeah. Let's go back to your dorm or something."

"What's going on? Can somebody fill me in," Jesse searched our faces, getting up regardless.

"I'll tell you when we get to my dorm," we all picked up our things, damn near bolting out of the library.

I don't know who it was but I've got a hunch it's either Abby or one of her crazed exes or friends. I don't know nor do I care. What I do know is that I don't need this bullshit right now.

ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ!!; @macaroni676 @uraesthete @machetegirl109 @elliesbabagrill

ᴀɴ; ɪᴋ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴘᴛ ɪꜱ ᴘʀᴏʙᴀʙʟʏ ᴀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ʙᴏʀɪɴɢ ʙᴜᴛ ɪᴍ ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴘ3 ᴀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇꜱᴛɪɴɢ/ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ɢᴇᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴠᴇɴɢᴇ ᴘᴀʀᴛ!!!!! ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴛɪʟʟ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏᴇᴅ ɪᴛ ɪᴍ ꜱᴏʀʀʏʏʏʏʏʏʏ!!!!

[hinatastinygiant]

5 | Смърт

Pairing: Uzui x Fem!Reader

The Emptiness You Left

It has been almost five months since the death of your little sister. You have been training every second you can. At first, you started alone in your room, practicing moves you learned from gym class and the limited amount of background knowledge in working out that you have. When Uzui found out, he was pretty pissed. But as long as you were alone in your room, he didn't seem to mind.

After that, you began going outside to train alone. You worked tirelessly every day and have gotten stronger in return. Adventuring away from home, you did meet a few fellow non-demon slayer humans, but decided never to admit that to anyone at the house, including Suma.

Now, as you train by yourself outside of Uzui's home, you find a new stranger with firey yellow and red hair approaching you.

"Hey, you must be the new recruit that Lord Tengen was talking about," the guy calls out, his arms crossed over his chest.

"No, not really," you shake your head, walking closer to him. "He won't let me train. I'm sorry, but do I know you?"

"Really? Cause it looks like you're training to me," he smiles. "My name is Kyojuro Rengoku. Nice to meet you."

"Likewise," you bow to him. "I am Y/N Hashibira. This training is the only kind that I am allowed to do. Lord Tengen will not allow me to fight."

"And why is that?"

"Because, according to him, I am weak," you admit.

"Well, then let's fix that," Kyojuro smirks.

You furrow your eyebrows together at his comment, not sure what he means. Then, only to add to your confusion, he swings one side of his cape to the side and pulls out a wooden sword.

"Here, take this," he instructs, holding the weapon out to you.

"What's this for?"

"A sparring match," he explains, his eyes glimmering.

"You want to spar with me?"

"I don't see why not?" he nods as you accept the sword. You take a moment to practice your swings, a complete novice to the art of sword fighting.

"You know, this isn't exactly the same as fighting a demon," he chuckles, noticing how clumsy you are.

"How many demons have you fought?"

"Oh, plenty. My brother and I have fought more than our fair share," he informs you.

"You have a brother?" you question.

"Yes, his name is Senjuro. He's a year younger than me," he nods.

"Oh, I have a-" you begin, before stopping yourself. You're still unsure about revealing the location of your brother. "uh, a little sibling, too. Well, I did..."

"What happened?"

"She died," you mutter, trying not to make a big deal about it.

"That's right, I'm sorry for being so forgetful. How awful," he sympathizes.

"Yeah, well, I've got a lot of pent-up energy and rage," you explain, smiling. "Now, what was that you said about sparring?"

Rengoku laughs. "I'm not quite sure you're ready for that yet. I didn't think you'd struggle holding a sword but it seems as though what you said before was true. You are indeed weak."

"Excuse me?" you snap.

"And a bit too slow," he points out.

"I am not!"

"Really? Then you should catch on quickly," he hums, walking around behind you and gripping the wooden sword to show you how to properly hold it.

You're a bit stunned by the close proximity and the warmth of his breath against your neck. You can't help but lean into him just a bit, his large chest pressed against your back.

"Like this," he instructs, wrapping his hands around yours and guiding the sword up and down in a fighting motion.

"Yeah, I got it," you whisper, clearing your throat. And then, when you turn around to face him, you notice there's not much space between the two of you.

But before either of you can say anything else, another voice booms out from across the yard. "Rengoku!"

The both of you turn around to see Uzui walking towards the two of you, his wives standing a few feet away.

"Ah, Lord Tengen!" Rengoku greets him as he takes a couple steps away from you.

"It's been a while," Uzui says. "What are you doing here?"

"I was just showing your new apprentice a thing or two about swordsmanship," he explains, and you can't help but roll your eyes.

"She's not my apprentice, and she certainly isn't yours, either," Uzui corrects, seething through his teeth. "Y/N, I thought I told you not to train."

"I never agreed to anything," you remind him.

"This is unacceptable behavior, Y/N," Uzui sighs. "Why can't you just listen to me and let me take care of things?"

"Because, Lord Uzui," you start, walking closer to him. But, like always, you need someone to step in before you say the wrong thing.

"I'm afraid that I can't spar with you today, Miss Y/N," Rengoku apologizes. "Though I do hope one day I will get the pleasure to."

"You can't seriously think sparring with her could ever be a good idea," Uzui scoffs, looking back at Rengoku.

"If she is determined to become a demon slayer then she must be a worthy opponent. I see no issue in sparring with her."

"You're much more experienced than her, it would hardly be a fair fight."

"Which is why I agreed to some day in the future," Rengoku agrees, nodding his head. "Once you train her properly. But I do apologize for overstepping."

"It's not you who needs to apologize," Uzui grumbles, and you feel the guilt set in.

Uzui places his hands down hard on either of your shoulders and stares right into your soul. "You can't spar like that with people way stronger than you. Be smart."

"But if I did, then it's a lesson learned," you try to tell him.

Finally, he snaps. "Y/N, I can not stand for this nonsense anymore! I've given you time, I've given you patience, I've given you sympathy, and still nothing. You are not a demon slayer, you will never be one, so stop wasting my time! I am not letting you live in my house just for you to go and get yourself killed!"

After that, he sighs before releasing his grip on your shoulders. Everyone else is completely stunned by his words. He's certainly made sure there was nothing else to be said.

"Apologies, Master Tengen," you mutter before walking off in the other direction, leaving the rest of them behind.

"She's a bit fiery, isn't she?" Rengoku comments, and Uzui rolls his eyes.

"You have no idea," he replies.

"I'd think that's what you'd like about her, Tengen," Rengoku continues, smirking at his friend.

"Hmph," is all he responds with, making his way back inside.

"I'm gonna go talk to her," Suma announces. "See if she's okay."

"Good luck, Suma," Makio wishes.

The Emptiness You Left

[catsofcalifornia]

Cobie from Compassionate Animal Rescue for Medical Aid in Mission Viejo, California

Click here for more information about adoption and other ways to help!

Click here for a link to Compassionate Animal Rescue for Medical Aid's main website.

Hi! My name is Cobie and I have had an amazing life and now I deserve the chance to have a restful and safe rest of my life in a home as a beloved queen. I had a partial lung lobectomy as an 11-month-old kitten (due to severe illness)! After being adopted out, I somehow ended up on the street, but lucky me, I ended up in a trailer park and being cared for by a wonderful man for many years until he passed away. Unfortunately, that environment was no longer safe for me, so the son of my caretaker found CARMA and made sure I was safe for the rest of my life. I have a wonderful husky low mew to get your attention if I feel I've been left alone for too long, but mostly I just like to relax and nap. I love looking out the window, and prefer to rest in cubbies or boxes given the option. I love to be brushed and petted and told what a beautiful precious girl I am. I don't like to be picked up but if you are patient with me, I will give you my trust and love. With some time and patience, I've gotten used to sharing a room with two crazy kittens, and even learned to play and groom and love them, so I'd probably be ok with others as long as they give me some space to get accustomed to them.

[itsclydebitches]

"Weiss likewise hasn't expressed any impatience, knowing looks, or other background hints to tell the audience, "I know they like each other and am waiting for them to overcome their fear and just SAY IT already."

Was that not what was shown when she was visibly annoyed with there dancing/flirting in V7 and immediate agreement to go to the movies with the boys?

Personally, I don't think so. Blake and Yang are flirty from the beginning of the scene with Yang fondly watching Blake put on makeup and then the two of them giggling over not having to hear the "annoying" FNKI thanks to loud club music. This is Weiss' reaction to that flirting.

It's a nearly completely bland expression, edging just slightly into amused when animated. Weiss only starts getting annoyed when Ruby announces that she's also ditching her: "But a victory party? Really?"

Then we cut back to Yang and Blake doing their awkward dance-off which doesn't amuse Weiss.

But there's nothing to imply that she's unamused with the flirting. It's because they're acting dumb. Weiss is annoyed because she's just learned that the rest of the team is ditching her and she doesn't like either option presented to her: hang out with Blake and Yang as they make fools of themselves at a loud, chaotic club (remember, outside of a few gags Weiss' whole thing is playing the sophisticated, 'Why I never!' princess archetype), or go to what she considers a stupid, preemptive victory party for her father's rival. Both of those outings sound awful to her, so when Jaune pops in with a movie option, yeah, she instantly agrees. The joke-y message of the scene via Weiss' perspective is, 'Why are all my friends lame and annoying?' not 'Why can't Blake and Weiss just admit that they love each other?'

I definitely don't mean this in an accusatory way, anon, but I'd like to point out that this is precisely the kind of rewriting that RWBY thrives on. Far more overtly, I've seen the fandom spend the last two years framing this scene as a super intimate date between Yang and Blake, proof that they're in love... never-mind that we're explicitly told they're going out with four other people. Now here, it's easy to misremember the scene via the context of Volume 9. We've confirmed now that they are in love and Weiss said it was about time they admitted it... so clearly a moment when they were flirty and Weiss was annoyed was setup for this! But the reality is that they were two separate bits of characterization, with Weiss' annoyance having nothing to do with the bees' relationship - because the relationship wasn't established yet.

Even if we wanted to read this as proof of Weiss' knowledge, it's still an incredibly weak example. There are ways of writing a 'This character knows two others like each other and makes a comment to inform the audience of that knowledge' that in no way relies on that level of subtly, potential misreading, and a Volume and a half of nothing else in-between. This isn't by any means an uncommon trope. Characters frequently share Knowing Looks with one another, make sly comments about the would-be couple's obliviousness, or just outright comment on how they're clearly in love, even if they won't admit it. I'm in season 4 of Voyager at the moment, so here's an example:

B'Elanna: "Harry, you might as well wear a big sign that says 'I'M IN LOVE,' everyone sees it."

There, done, it's really that simple. At any point across four Volumes (if we're only going to go back to Volume 6) a member of the group could have confronted Blake or Yang about their feelings, allowing them to deny it until their magical confrontation in the Ever After, but confirming the romantic interest for the audience. We could have gotten a thousand scenes where someone nudged a teammate and gave a simple line like, 'So, when do you think they're finally going to admit that they like each other, hmm?' with some retort about how it'll take another century at least, giving the story that space to keep the relationship ambiguous for a while. Any random side character of RWBY's could have assumed they were a couple, causing them to blush and stammer out denials while their friends rolled their eyes. It really isn't difficult to establish a slow-burn, they're-just-not-admitting-their-feelings arc. In fact, that makes up a HUGE portion of American television, with most protagonist duos going through a seasons-long slow burn that won't come to fruition until the final hour, but that's okay because the show has already confirmed that yes, they love each other, they just won't say it out loud. But just because it's easy to pull off doesn't mean RWBY did it. If the show had, we wouldn't have spent so many years begging for confirmation or, now, side-eyeing the two characters suddenly going, 'Oh yeah. I knew it all along. I just didn't ever mention that across nine Volumes.'

[larissa-the-scribe]

Terrarium Lights, pt. 2.2

Last time on Terrarium Lights: the ghost returned and tried to make sense of nonsensical memories. (next part >>here)

It turned out to be all very well and good to offer the lad help and a place to stay (as much as he could stay anywhere), but then she had to figure out what to do with him.

He seemed to be having trouble figuring out what to do with himself, too, and spent the rest of the day hovering at her shoulder—at which point they both discovered that he quite liked to talk, despite being firmly uncertain about anything he was saying. It was making working on the terrarium rather difficult, and she had trouble with the fine details at the best of times, but she found herself enjoying the company more than she expected.

It was nice to have sound in the house again.

By the end of the afternoon, she had learned he was pretty sure he had been traveling with someone else—the blue-moss cave was one of two places he was pretty sure he remembered, along with somewhere growing purple trees on blue and crimson rocks—he was pretty sure he had studied something at a university at one point, but had no idea what or where—he didn't know if he was from this area but he was pretty sure it seemed kind of familiar—he didn't know his name but he was pretty sure he knew what names were—and so on.

He asked her if she knew any names, and she found herself absently replying that she had no idea, before realizing her mistake.

To tell the truth, she had gotten distracted. When names got brought up, it occurred to her that if she could figure out his name, she might be able to find out who he was. If she started going through obituaries, maybe she could find out who he was—or had been. She was turning over the idea of looking through recent obituaries anyway, to see if any matched; while she wasn’t sure what had happened to the lad, obituaries about old folks dying peacefully in their sleep would hardly work.

Mainly her conundrum was that she didn’t know if she could tell him, either about the research itself or if she found out anything. The lad had gotten startled enough when realizing he couldn't remember his name; she had no idea what he would do if he realized he might be dead.

For now, she decided, it would be more helpful to the lad to listen to what he was saying and try to respond. She was about to rally her forces to his aid (her next strategy being to go through all the names from the Bible that she could remember), but the lad had gotten diverted again and was asking her about the papers open on the top of the desk.

"Oh, those?" she waved a hand. "I was trying to figure out if I'd be able to send a letter or two to Michael to pick up at his layover, but there don't seem to be any good letterships making their way out West. Probably wouldn’t get there in time. I forgot to put them away this morning."

Last night she had been trying to write a letter to him in her head, and had kept getting stuck on their guest. Hopefully, by the time Michael got back she'd be able to share information with him in some way that made sense; for now, she contented herself with keeping her diary updated and detailed.

"Who is Michael?"

"My husband." She took a second to fold the map and directory and timetables up, and stow them in their proper cubby.

"You're married?"

Gail had to chuckle at the surprise written all over the lad's face—the face of a child who finds out their parents' name isn't, in fact, "Mum." "Have been for the past thirty-three years, or at least so I've been led to believe."

"O-oh." He blinked. "I see. Do…do you have kids? I… I hadn't heard any… um…." He gestured vaguely around him.

"Four, but none living here," she said, resuming her work on the terrarium. "The youngest moved out a year ago, and she's working full-time as a professor now. Passed her last examinations for that station not six month hence."

"Ah. They’re all doing well for themselves, then…?" This sudden twist of information had rendered him back to incoherence.

In all fairness to the lad, Gail remembered it taking her some few decades to figure out how to talk to people. "Quite well, I'm happy to say. One took after their father, got into the shipping business. Moved rather far away, up north, where his wife’s family is from, but he writes often. A captain of his own airship now, in fact."

"Ah, congratulations," the lad said with awkward, but heartfelt, enthusiasm.

"The other is working in an orchard a few days journey away, seems quite happy with it." Gail knew quite well she could spend far longer than the lad would care to endure talking about her children, but kept the descriptions short. If he wanted to know more, he would. “From his letters, he seems like he’s getting rather taken with one of the other workers there, though I’m not sure he realizes it, himself. But they all seem to be well settled. I’m quite happy for them, though Heaven knows I’d like to see them more regular. ”

He cocked his head. "And the fourth?"

She carefully measured out how much gravel she’d need in between the layers—perhaps more carefully than she truly needed. "The Lord took him when he was a lad. Not much younger than you."

"Oh." He shuffled his feet. "I'm sorry to hear that."

Gail rested her hands on the desk, looking out the window at the bright, clear day. "Thank you for that. We miss him dearly."

Even after decades of practicing how to talk with others, she never quite knew what line to take in this particular conversation. David’s death had been something she had come to terms with, but it wasn't like it went away. One couldn't just brush over the soul-deep hurt, say that they'd been fortunate overall with getting to have him in their lives at all. But it wouldn't be right to dwell too much on the loss, not when there had been so much good.

She looked back at the ghost in her living room, standing there and watching her with soft sympathy; she wondered where his mother was, if she knew what had happened to him.

Gail dropped her plan of searching through the obituaries for the time being. Death wasn't a matter to be rushed; let him get there in his own time, when he was ready. She turned back to the desk, to the terrarium, and poured in the gravel.

"Maybe I can take you by the university sometime," she said, more abruptly than she meant. "It has been longer than I sometimes remember since I've visited my Charity, and I'm sure you'd find the place interesting. Deep into the city, it is—perhaps you’d recognize something of it. And we'd pass by the lighthouse on the way, too, if we did."

"Oh?" His tone was polite. He could tell that she was shifting the conversation, and was letting her.

"A nice place. A lighthouse and a café and the good souls that run both establishments, and it would break up the journey into the city. Though such a trip couldn’t be immediate. I'd have to let Professor Charity know ahead of time." She smiled to herself—the title still felt new and strange in her mouth, but she liked it. "The city might be nearby, but sometimes the letter system is abominably slow. Practically faster to send a whole package aboard a lettership to catch up with my Michael than to send a note to the university."

She could sense him nodding thoughtfully behind her, as if he knew what she meant. Maybe in some part of his memory, he did.

"I…I'm not sure if I'm quite ready for… something like that," the ghost said in a small voice. "I feel disheveled, and… and… I don't know where I can even go to get a change of clothes, or a bath, or anything like that. I don't… I don't know where I live."

"Ah." Gail turned in her chair, facing him as much as she could and with one arm hitched over the chair's back. "That is a dilemma. No idea at all? Perhaps if you remember a neighborhood of some kind we could take a look. Or I could, rather, if you'd prefer not to go yourself just yet."

Could he change his clothes? Should she urge him to try, and perhaps find out there was something wrong? She didn't want to lie to him and pretend he could be normal, but she also didn’t want to discourage or frighten him unnecessarily. But… he deserved to know.

He tugged at the bottom of his waistcoat again. "That's… that's very kind of you. I appreciate it, I really do, but… I have no idea. Honestly, I'm not even really sure where I've been that hasn't been here. Just… vague recollections of things like trees. Or that I was in a city once. But nothing clear, nothing that makes sense."

The ticking of the clock in the background became more present, more audible.

"I’m sorry to hear it," Gail said softly. "I will be honest, I'm not very sure what I can do to help, but… I do think it might be something that will get better with time. After all, you've been telling me bits and pieces of things you remember. Maybe more will come."

"True, but… I don't know." He looked around him, as if hoping something in the room would give him a clue. "Those feel like memories but they also feel… distant? Temporary? Not unimportant, but… I don't think I lived in a cavern of blue moss or whatever weird places I've thought up that don't seem to be from around here. It's all… dark. Did I have a family? A home? A… a change of clothes." He trailed off.

"It will come," Gail reaffirmed, unsure of what else to do. "At first, you didn't even realize that you had memories missing. So maybe, now that you know they are, you can look for them, and maybe you'll be able to hold on to something."

"Yeah." His shoulders slumped, somewhere between resignation and relief. "That's true. Like… what I'd imagine waking up out of a dream is like. I hope."

Gail nodded.

"So, um, yeah… I think for now I'd rather not try and go anywhere new."

"I understand. You're welcome to stay here as long as you need."

"Thanks." He smiled, but his eyes were foggy again. "Even here, every now and then… feels like I can't quite see it…"

"Well, it is getting on towards evening." Gail pushed back her chair. "It’s time for me to light the lamps. That should help."

The blank unfocus didn't change.

Pursing her lips, Gail looked him over, turning thoughts around in her head. "Well, I can't quite offer you a change of clothes—my Michael is of rather a different build than you." She snapped back into motion, busying herself with moving around the room and gearing on the lights, calibrating them deftly. "But if you'd like, you can look yourself over in the washroom. And if it helps, your clothes are fine. Your hair is a tad messy, with a few loose strands and all, but easy enough to put right.” She hesitated, hand on the last lamp. “Only thing with your clothes would be that stain on your shoulder."

"O-oh." The brown seeped back into his eyes, staring at her as she geared the lamp on and turned back to him. He reached up to touch his hair cautiously, as if he expected it to come alive and bite him. "I had forgotten about my hair."

"Just a simple fix needed," Gail assured him. "Washroom is right over there, and we've a decent sized mirror, too. You can go and check the matter out for yourself."

Nodding, he meandered his way over.

Gail went to close the blinds, noting the first stars beginning to poke out of the depths of navy sky.

"Lord, give me wisdom," she muttered. She didn't even know if he could see himself in the mirror, much less do anything to actually alter his appearance.

She didn’t like how she was edging on covering up the truth. She had always taught her children that honesty was better than secrets, and she had no intentions of turning hypocrite at her age.

But how could she break the news to him?

This was the best she could do, for now, to try and tell him—or show him—that something in particular was amiss, beyond what he was assuming.

A few minutes later, he returned with his hair neatly combed and tied back into a proper ponytail. He seemed to have made an effort to clean his face up some, as well. However, the bloodstain on his shoulder remained unchanged, rip and all.

"I'm afraid I couldn't find anything on my shoulder," he said apologetically, if a tad bewildered. "Is it still there…?"

Gail sized him up.

The injury or stain or whatever it was still clearly visible.

"Well, I suppose it might have just been a bit of grime, or shadow," she said, unthinkingly approaching him, "you look quite the charming lad." She dusted off his shoulder, adjusted his tie, as she would with her own son.

He beamed, the melancholy in his features giving way to bashful pride. "That's very kind of you, ma'am."

“Shall we go into the kitchen?” Gail gestured toward it, hoping he wouldn't notice the sudden strain in her smile. “It’s about time for me to get my bread kneaded and in the oven, if you’d like to hang around.”

He nodded and headed towards the kitchen.

Gail waited a moment, looking down at her hand.

The sensation still sat there, like her skin was reliving the moment of touching and not touching. His clothes, his body, had not reacted to her at all. But there had been something there. Nothing physical, nothing solid, nothing like a person--but something. Like the feeling of a blanket that's been drying in the sun but isn't done yet, warm, soft, but wet and clinging. Except not there at all. And still there was a prickling in her hand, like static build-up during a cold winter.

In her mind, too, there was something more, a sudden flash, like an unveiled lamp, a moment of brightness and lostness, emptiness.

She closed her hand around the feeling, keeping it her palm and engraving it in her mind.

It was odd, but it was him. Maybe it meant something. Maybe it could help her figure out some way to help him. And if nothing else, she had connected with him for an instant. That alone was value enough.

He, apparently, had not noticed anything odd.

Squaring her shoulders, she followed him into the kitchen, and decided that, for now, she would not bring up the clinging charge and heat that moved with her.

Previous

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[oboetemasuka]

Order of Attack, part 13

"Of Blasphemy and Hypocrisy"

Amane's voice drama!

I really did just write 945 words in one sitting, not touch it for two weeks, and then write the other half. It's at 1791 words now, which is even longer than Mahiru's...

As per the little poll I ran a week ago, I have kept names in family name, given name order. I'll probably go back and fix names in the AO3 version after I'm done with the main fic.

We're nearing the end...

(cw: cults, child abuse, verbal abuse, descriptions of injuries)

-

Es was not prepared, as usual. They sprinted to the cell of the next prisoner they were supposed to interrogate. Amane.

But as they approached the door, they remembered what happened the last time they barged in. They did not want a repeat of Mahiru, especially since Amane had a much bigger reason to react similarly.

Unprepared indeed. As they gently opened the cell door, they found Amane's eyes drilling into them. Wait, eyes? They were informed that-

…

They gasped as the realization hit. Their gaze was drawn to Amane's right eye. It wasn't staring back at them. It didn't seem to be looking at anything at all.

Es fell backwards onto the floor.

"You have kept us waiting, Warden-san. It seems like you have not learned the importance of time since we last spoke." She paused to let Es get some sense back. "Are you staring? Warden-san, have you not been taught that staring is rude?"

Es quietly got back to their feet, still at a loss for words. They recalled what Shidou told them. If anything was amiss with Amane, they were to get him right away.

"Where are you going?" Amane asked as they turned away. They couldn't answer that. "Are you going to get Kirisaki Shidou, perhaps?" There was no answering that. "If you do, there will be no interrogation."

"What… what do you mean?"

"If you bring him here, I will refuse to speak."

That would cause a problem with the extraction machine. Es gave up and took a seat.

"Why are you so rattled, Warden-san? Could it be… this?" Amane swept her hair away from her right eye. "This is only a trial from God. I do not understand why it demands your attention."

Es grimaced. "Y-you… Kotoko…"

"Yes, Yuzuriha Kotoko did this. That is not the important part. What matters is that I face this pain head on."

"You're not going to… put an eyepatch on it?"

"I have no need for things that distract me from my path."

It didn't seem like Amane would continue this topic. And what could Es say? Sorry? That would probably yield similar results as when they said that to Fuuta.

"Warden-san, has the cat gotten your tongue?"

"I…"

"We gave you a chance to make your case, but it seems you have nothing to say for yourself."

"A chance- make- T-that's not-"

"If you make such an incomprehensible choice as to not forgive us, it follows that you would be able to justify it. Yuzuriha Kotoko has done as much."

"She…"

"She firmly believes in her right to punish those of us who were not forgiven by you. We pity her for acting on such flimsy reasons."

"I don't appreciate you driving the conversation like this."

"You are the one who is not talking. Tell us. Why did you make this choice?"

Of course she was going to ask this. Es knew this wasn't the time to share their actual reasons with her; it would only fill her with more contempt. But would she see through them?

"After examining your video, I've judged that your murder was the result of religion. Of faith."

They should have known this would turn into a back and forth of her insisting this wasn't murder and them trying to shut her down. She persisted.

"You might agree that the other unforgiven prisoners would do well with our faith. In fact, Kajiyama Fuuta's condition has already improved thanks to our guidance."

Had it really? When Es checked with Shidou before this interrogation, it seemed that Fuuta hadn't exactly been improving. He had just stopped taking as many painkillers as before.

Es wondered how much Amane had been interacting with the others. Fuuta and Mahiru had seemed protective of her, but they never brought up much about her faith.

This wasn't a productive line of conversation. Moving on…

They asked her why she kept referring to herself as "we". Whatever she said was a load of nonsense to them, so they just went back to the topic at hand. The murder.

Amane wouldn't budge. When Es tried to talk law and ethics, she only doubled down.

Until they hit a nerve.

"Milgram denies your doctrine. Your doctrine is wrong."

"You dare…"

"Your standard of judgment is wrong. Milgram cannot endorse a doctrine that allows murder."

"It was not murder. It was a punishment justified by-"

"It is wrong!" Es slammed their hands on the table. Amane flinched.

"Y-you say that like Milgram is a better standard of judgment," she retorted.

They felt bad for reacting like that even though they were ticked off.

"You don't get to argue-" they tried to fire back.

"We should say the same of you. How different is a judgment that allows such violence as punishment?"

"Are you dragging Kotoko into this again? She was not acting according to my judgment. She interpreted it as she pleased and acted on it accordingly. Frankly, I'm inclined to think you did the same."

"Excuse us?" Amane stood up, but Es paid her no mind.

"What proof have I got that you are acting according to your doctrine and obeying it to the letter? For all I know, you just made up a bunch of rules to selfishly serve your own desires."

"You… you…" Amane's voice sounded louder in Es's ear, though it didn't seem like she was shouting. Yet.

Es looked again where she was once seated. She wasn't there.

"You dare insult us!? You dare insult God!? This is unforgivable!"

Es turned to the sound of Amane's voice and felt the barrier activate around them. Amane was right next to them, trying to swing down a pair of scissors with one hand and holding her sleeve with the other.

"Don't you know it's impossible to attack the warden?"

Amane didn't seem to care. She just muttered "I won't forgive you" over and over as Es mocked her little pretend game of "we".

"You want to continue this child's play?" They pried the scissors out of Amane's hands. "Go back to your seat."

She tried to grab them back, but she was tired from her previous efforts to attack.

"Hypocritical warden… you're a child too."

"Wrong. I'm an adult in Puerto Rico and Haiti. You are a child in any country."

Admittedly, they made that up. They knew she couldn't prove them wrong.

Amane huffed, clearly out of arguments.

"That's right. Go back to your seat now," Es said, nudging Amane away by her shoulder. Her right shoulder.

She yelped and jerked away, losing her balance and falling to the ground.

Es got up and walked up to help her. "Amane, I- I didn't mean-"

"Don't touch me!" she cried out. 

She swept her uniform's straps out of the way before pushing herself up.

Es extended their hand. "I could-"

"You will not… steal our… trial… not after you insulted our God…"

Once she got to her feet, she leaned on the table, wincing as she pressed her left arm down, and coughed.

For the first time, Es got a good look at Amane's injuries. Her right eye was bruised. The left side of her chin was scraped. Her legs were dotted with bruises and cuts. They all looked recent, even though a year had supposedly passed.

"The least you can do is not stare." Amane sounded like she was trying not to cry. "You trample over our dignity. So cruel."

"I'm not staring. I'm just making sure you don't pull something like that again."

"Excuses."

"If you're not looking for help or sympathy, then go. back. to. your. seat."

Amane complied, dragging her feet along. "We do not appreciate you treating us like that."

"I'm only trying to move the interrogation along."

"You call this an 'interrogation'? You are just being mean. Asserting your power over us just because you are older."

"If you want an interrogation, stay in your seat." Es waited for the tension to dissipate before continuing. "The fact of the matter is that you are a child. And that has a lot to do about how we judge your crime."

They were a few sentences into their spiel when Amane interrupted. "'We'? Who is 'we'? Is it not just 'I'?"

What?

Amane seized the conversation while Es was stunned.

"We really are just the same, you and I. You call me a product of my environment, and yet are you not too? You have been handed the role of the warden, and you obey it without question. And you say I am wrong for clinging to what I know. 

"I'm aware I'm out of the ordinary. But aren't we all? A prison full of murderers, and everyone thinks everyone else is peculiar. Meanwhile, you judge us on arbitrary standards when you have no memory of normality yourself."

Es flinched.

"Mahiru-san told me about her interrogation," she continued.

Of course. Mahiru seemed particularly close to Amane lately. "What of it?"

"She told me how touched you were when she said she would hold fast to her beliefs."

Uh oh. Es was too slow to mask their immediate reaction.

"Hypocritical of you, is it not? You stomp on our beliefs. Say we are making decisions based on a faulty doctrine. Claim that we are picking and choosing for our own gain. How could you turn on us like this after talking to Mahiru-san? Is it just because she is an adult and we are not? After all this, will you continue to deny us?"

"It depends," Es responded. "It depends on what is shown in the footage. If something resonates with me this time, I will accept it."

"Very well. But if you do not forgive me—us—in turn, we will not forgive you… all."

Just then, the bell rang.

Reeling from Amane's remark, Es fell out of their chair.

"Funny how the tables turn." 

Amane stood over Es and threw their own lecture back at them.

"Well, do get up on your own. It would serve you well to understand our trials."

"This about trials again…" Es muttered as they stood up.

"Speaking of which- Kirisaki Shidou has been such a detriment to us. He tries to steal our trials, but we hold fast. Kajiyama Fuuta, too, is starting to see the light. We are glad that we can guide him away from-"

"Shut up!" Es shouted. 

This time, Amane remained headstrong. "Oh, Warden-san. You look angry. Are you going to hit me again like last time?"

"Enough!" The nerve of this girl. "Prisoner no. 8, Amane… sing your sins!"

-

Q. What do you think of Kajiyama Fuuta?

A. He's lost and in pain, but I'm glad to guide him back on the right path.

[aylacavebear]

Touched Introduction: An Author's Note

Here's an introduction to what a Touched is. It'll help you get your feet wet and have an idea of the creature 'Touched.' I hope you'll enjoy coming along on the adventures that will soon be shared here.

Word Count: 579

Please don't take my work. I've put a lot of thought and work into this idea, and it truly is all mine. It took lots of research to make sure things were and are accurate. Your comments, hearts, and reblogs mean the world to me.

There are no warnings for this, as it is only some information for future stories.

----------------------------------------- Touched Introduction: An Author's Note

Touched are something of an enigma. It will, of course, depend on the story with how they are viewed by not only other supernatural creatures, but also hunters, and humans. Gods from any pantheon get bored from time to time, and they need something for entertainment. Sadly, that typically means messing with humans, as they are the most fun to mess with, since the Christian God gave them free will.

I personally like Bastet. She’s from the Egyptian pantheon and is the Goddess of protection, protecting homes from evil and women and children from disease and illness. She was originally a fierce lioness warrior goddess of the sun. However, her ferocious nature may have been softened after the domestication of cats around 1500 BCE. She also had both nurturing and violent qualities, but her shielding and motherly aspects are often emphasized.

Bastet loved humans but knew she couldn’t directly interfere with their growth as a species. She could, however, choose certain humans and give them her gifts through a touch. The gifts the human received depended on the human and how Bastet’s powers interacted with their DNA. The human had to be younger than the age of five, or things always turned out badly, so she’d gotten very careful over the years.

There were two special humans, both of which had been women. One over a thousand years ago, and now this new woman, born to a family and would be an only child. These humans somehow got the ability to have healing blood, a way to keep their loved ones safe in a way no other Touched was able.

The abilities of her Touched ranged just as much as their personalities did. Everything from being able to transform into a cat that could talk or telepathically communicate to being cat-like but still looking completely human. Some could even communicate with other felines. It intrigued Bastet how each human she chose progressed throughout its life. It was the ones who had actual cat features, like ears, a tail, canines, and retractable claws, that fascinated her the most, watching how they dealt with what other humans saw as not normal.

Sometimes, just sometimes, Bastet would meddle in the affairs of other deities or supernatural creatures. Like the time, in one story, where she gave her gifts to the Christian God’s biological daughter. Or, in another story where she gave it to a Nephilim. Okay, perhaps that happened more than just once, but it was well worth the outcome.

Sadly, Bastet could never interact with her Touched. It was like a curse. Once the gift was given, the Deity was forced to watch from afar, unable to guide them directly. Bastet sometimes left clues with the child’s parents so they could guide the child, but sometimes, things turned badly for the child.

These are the stories of Bastet’s Touched. There will be series and one-shots, perhaps even two-parters. No two will be related, but now you have some information when you get to embark on the journey as the Touched and learning to navigate the world in so many different scenarios. I hope you enjoy the fun little things that have played through my mind over the last almost two years when this creature creation came to me. I did need something that would survive the perils that consistently tend to befall anyone who gets too close to the Winchesters, no matter what universe they end up in or come from.

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