#but its been very fun and i have much to learn still | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vole-mon-amour · 3 days

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and they shouldn't have 😠.

I never hoped for this. this is a mess.

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if you recruit both, give me back the datamined dialogue of Halsin asking the player to choose between him and Minthara. the way she kidnaps and tortures him in every timeline, and the way she kills him in one of the outcomes. is he supposed to just forgive her that? she slaughters his Grove and he's supposed to just forgive that?

man, I wish Larian would have stayed true to what they originally planned. again, it's great that they support the game, lots of things were improved (that should've been done in the first place before the release but alas), but we're getting an entirely new game from what it's been when 'fully' released. at least stay true to your ideas, since it directly affects the plot and its conflict.

give me the ability to play as Halsin before the ship crashes, then. make him the original companion and let me be captured as him and tortured before our party arrives and saves Halsin (us) (or, you know, betrays us). let people learn about his very similar to Astarion trauma that is being treated like a joke and hidden behind a very optional dialogue that is very easy to miss, even if you try hard to see as much of the game as possible on your first run.

we know Minthara is in a cult and is being manipulated (which is its own topic because of the damage that she still does) and she verbalizes it. we learn about it from her and it's not a joke. we know about everyone else's trauma. why the hell is Halsin's being portrayed like this?

(and yes, I know that his comments about his slavery and abuse are victim blaming and that's he's repressing those memories, trying to convince himself it was all fun and mutual. but it wasn't!

Astarion went through a similar experience, but he knows it wasn't his fault. he knows the horrible things that he's done and that he was (still is sometimes) an asshole, but he's done those things to survive.

Karlach went through slavery, but she knows it wasn't her fault.

Wyll became a demon due to Mizora's trickery, yet it is very clearly treated like it's not Wyll's fault, it's Mizora's, his abuser.

Gale is not 100% innocent, but Mystra is clearly his abuser, too, due to the chronic pain that the orb is causing him and how it's a danger to him and everyone around him. Mystra tells him to blow himself up and treats him like he's her puppet. live or die, he's nothing to her.

like, what! the! hell! why is Halsin the only one who gets this kind of treatment of his trauma? why doesn't he get a chance to heal, the same way Astarion does? where did all the plot for Halsin's arc go, too?

Halsin deserves fucking better.)

upd: thought I made myself clear, but apparently not: this post is about Halsin. his personality, and trauma, and how they are portrayed compared to other characters. if you want to talk about Minthara, make your own post. also might block me/the anti tag while you're at it.

#halsin #bg3 #anti minthara #bg3 critical #natisplaying #karlach #wyll #astarion #baldur's gate 3 #long post #meta #natiswriting

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saeyrh · 8 months

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my first try at saturn from december, and jupiter's Io shadow transit from tonight!

these were taken with a 8" dob, a 2.5x barlow, and an ASI585MC

#space #astronomy #jupiter #saturn #astrophotography #oh how i wish i could try saturn again with what ive learned!#alas its below the trees by the time the sun sets now #but its been very fun and i have much to learn still #its hard to see io on top of jupiter so included the gif #i really wish i got more detail on that

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bacchuschucklefuck · 3 months

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doing chibi is a good design exercise bc it forces u to think on shapes n essential details, essentially thumbnailing ur designs. its also a terrible design exercise bc it ends up looking cute no matter what

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #riz gukgak #very specifically class swap bard!riz #fh class quangle #mm. I may need tags for all the asides Ive been doing lmao #riz's canon design is so coherent and thematically clean that I genuinely struggle to keep up...#bard!riz's whole thing is working out his identity through abject fear so it kiiiinda makes sense that hes got a different thing going #on every year I guess? like lmao the directive I go into each of these designs with changes vastly #freshman bard!riz has to look extremely nonthreatening. and also make you wanna pick him up and chuck him at a wall #annoyingly inoffensive. slides off your memory pretty much immediately. a void of an experience #crucially Does Not Show Teeth While Smiling #sophomore year bard!riz I have been keeping the like. cameraman direction for #I want him to be swimming in clothes a little bit... he kinda lands at like. 80s/90s shlocky horror protag too which I do like #bc what is season 2 to riz if not a horror story lmao #junior year bard!riz I want to be somewhere between clark kent and tintin #the journalist aesthetics is not so clear and easy to build as the detective or spy aesthetics...#but also I just. really like boy journalist lmao this is the BD blood speaking again #and! I actually do draw his hair differently than in my canon junior year riz stuff. its a bit shorter here so it doesn't #obscure as much of his face #its so funny actually going from drawing canon stuff to class swap esp. with riz bc he's smiling SO much here #and it's 100% trained like its crucial for u guys to know he is equally if not more fucked up as a bard #barely anybody can wrangle him in canon it's already been mostly him keeping himself on track. imagine if he actually learned how to act #mmm. I think these designs are still gonna soft change as I draw them. thats fine we have fun #drawing sophomore year bard!riz for those comiclets was fun as hell. I think on this factor alone I call it a success lol

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idolomantises · 2 years

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there's something so comforting about artists you admire talking about their own struggles and insecurities

#txt #was watching supereyepatchwolf's video on chainsaw man again and listening to fujimoto express regret about things he didnt learn #and how he's clearly envious of his peers is so... comforting?#i think about my own strengths and flaws and often times i get so frustrated with my shortcomings #im not good at drawing feet; my backgrounds are purposefully simplistic and lack a lot of detail; sometimes my designs have a tendency to #overlap or feel very 'safe' in terms of what i really want to do #its why; despite my love for clowning on media and animated works. i never want to feel like its from a place of malice #the joy of art is always seeing those little mistakes and nuances. its also noticing the achievements other creators have made that you #still lack #even for a certain hell-based show i love to poke fun at for its many. many issues. its undeniable how incredibly passionate the work is.#and i do respect anyone who is willing to get their flawed media out there (myself included)#i see stuff about people calling me their inspo or how flattered they are when i compliment their work and its like. gee. i hold myself at #such a high bar and even still im always surprise when people tell me how much my work moved and changed them #i really love writing just little fun things that i just dont really see anyone else touching and its kind of fun how despite my own #personal grievances with my own flaws and mistakes #people really do find things that they love within them.#anyways I know this is getting long but I’ve just been getting sentimental abt the creation of art #sometimes people make fun of me for love of drawing women and lesbians and bugs and so on #and while I will never let me deter me from my process. sometimes it does get to me #but then I remember that I love doing this and could ever see myself holding back #and knowing despite how other people feel. I have so many followers who resonate with my weird ass shit #that it’s all worth it. ya know?

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all-inmoderation · 7 months

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do people who keep drawing sokka as spirits know that he doesnt have any respect for the spirits in the show

#except for like. yue. and maybe aang #its lowkey his most obnoxious arrogant cis male atheist trait #altho he gets a lot better about it throughout the show #its just funny that ppl praise how he disrespected wan shi tong and then draw that kinda stuff #which btw idk if he ever really learned from that experience and realized how he was wrong #the invasion day plan was doomed from the start bc of how they got that information #the disrespect he showed in that episode was abysmal. from entering the library till he left. just had no veneration whatsoever. ugh.#characters like sokka are hilarious bro how r u making fun of spirituality when u literally see that shit in front of you #hes still kinda dismissive of that stuff in s3 “well scientifically speaking there's no way to prove that-” in s3ep6 #but def less so as it goes on #like in s3ep13 when toph is talking about original benders hes much less of an ahole then i think he wouldve been in earlier seasons #but he still was v disrespectful in the finale wrt aangs ozai dilemma #but to be fair so was the rest of the gaang bc even they didnt understand the spiritual repercussions of what they were asking of him #anyway just a gripe i have w fandom #like how r u gonna be a sokka dickrider and praise his very basic cismale qualities n then do stuff like this #atla #fandom wank

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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year

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if u’re still doing these… top 5 most insane martian moments.

Sry for the late response, I really had to think on it! But these have been pretty fun to do so thank you!! <3

1. The entirety of Monaco 2010

Any Monaco celebration has a special place in my heart as you probably well know! But just Monaco 2010 as an entirety is insane to me, to name a few: the matching Porsches...their parc ferme hug...Seb trying and failing to pull Mark into the pool...them jumping into the harbor together and Seb having to pull Mark up onto the dock, MONACO REALLY GAVE US SO MUCH 🤧 but also this race being the calm before the storm, like seeing them be all cute with each other but then knowing how the season ends and how things continue to proceed after that

2. Their Singapore 2008 date

Always holds a special place on my heart. Just that we have so many pictures and even footage(!!!) of their PR mandated date in a time where this kind of thing wasn't really common yet. The caption of the YouTube vid "Mark Webber and Sebastian Vettel share an evening in Singapore" 😵‍💫 and I also think often about this comment on that vid calling Seb a "kleine Mädchen." I just think it's very cute. Giggly STR Seb and older gruff RBR Mark, not yet affected by teammate tensions

3. Japan 2007

I think its always very interesting the foreshadowing you can read into while watching older races. I love that Martian were always on an inevitable collision course. Like imagine being Mark and that rookie who crashed into the back of you then goes to win a race before you and then becomes your teammate and then becomes wdc. That they were on this collision course before they even became teammates and Seb had barely been in the sport yet. And LIKE that quote from Mark about Seb about "kids with no experience" and Seb crying in his garage, crazy.

4. Turkey 2010

I have such a fondness for "WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING HERE!? WHAT A STUPID ACTION! I'M GOING HOME! FUCK YOU!"(to the point where my friends who know nothing about f1 know about that quote by proxy bcs I quote it so much") I think it's interesting how much Martian's conflicts revolve around team orders and disobeying radios. It's funny bcs in Turkey 2009, a very similar situation to both Turkey 2010 and Malaysia 2013 happens, them telling Seb to stay behind Mark bcs of whatever reasons. And in 2009, Seb is clearly 🫤 about it but obeys but then goes on to try to overtake Mark in 2010 and fails, but then succeeds in 2013, very interesting to see how that dynamic evolves and grows more toxic! But by far the best part about Turkey 2010 is them having to take that "Us in our Get-Along T-Shirt" pic 😭 it's so funny and I wish they'd do press releases like this nowadays

5. That Monaco 2021 interview where Mark interjects about knowing the meaning behind the coins in Seb's race boots

It's just very sweet to me. There's some post about it on here that explains how meaningful it is, but I don't feel like searching for it, so I'm kinda just paraphrasing that. But like imagine them having a conversation where Seb explains it to Mark and the meaning behind it, and like probably a decade later, Mark still remembers it in perfect detail, enough to remember about the specificities about which coin goes in which boot and why.

Obligatory mentions: Malaysia 2013 of course(but I wanted to mention others, but Multi-21 is a given when considering crazy Martian moments), Australia 2016 podium, Mark's various Instagram forays during Seb's retirement, that one interview where Mark grabs Seb from behind while Love Will Tear Us Apart plays, when Seb sat on Mark's shoulders, anything of them from Abu Dhabi 2022, etc etc

#okay this post is a lot longer than i thought itd be #i had to hold myself back from adding pictures to everything i just tried to put a lot of links instead!#i almost finished making this and then tumblr glitched and i thought it deleted all of it #but it just posted it so i privated it but hopefully it will still show up to people!#this was fun to make bcs i was brought back to my early days of learning their lore(not that im ever finished tbh)#also if you hadnt guessed my favorite season is 2010(cough cough heard you're a player)#but intense teammate rivalries like theirs is so interesting #youre fighting for the wdc and wcc so you're forced to constantly be fighting for yourself but still have to consider the team as a whole #and as I mentioned i love the progression of Martian #guy who crashed into you and ruined your race in 2007 then wins a race before you for your JUNIOR team #then he becomes your teammate and scores the first win for YOUR team that youve already been in for 2 seasons #and then hes your main rival in the next season and he wins the wdc at the last race before you #and then you have to watch him win the next 3 WDCs and meanwhile theres so many interteam tension #and then you retire and you become very fond for each other and have very cute interviews until his very retirement #OKAY SORRY THAT WAS SO MUCH LMAO #ive been so sebson brained lately so its fun to think about martian!!!#also dru if you see this tysm your blog was super helpful for finding stuff from specific events hehehe #martian #sebmark #formula 1 #catie.asks.

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icewindandboringhorror · 4 months

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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh

#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh #AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game #(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random #townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can #browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around #and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho #Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly #i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol #I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T #Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things #But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense #That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length #text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres #visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol #Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered #boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world #and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY #more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL #Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool #idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh #the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope #''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months #learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have #a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that #and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY

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sysig · 7 months

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A hero is only as good as his weapons, so make ‘em count (Patreon)

#Doodles #Original #Another idea smol and I are working on together :D Been a bit!#She came up with the concept on this one and I fell in love with it <3 She's very cool hehe #If you're familiar with the game Minit it has Something of a similar premise - not the same strict time pressure but yes on the time loop #Y'ever notice how in some games it seems like the wandering trader or traveling shop seems to come upon you rather than the other way around #:3c Hm ♪ Wonder how they'd know where you were gonna be :3c #The crux is that you play as the weapons shop owner and you're responsible for supplying the hero and his team with weapons!#Except the BBEG has gotten wise to how the hero keeps defeating him and it sick of it - so the shop owner is cursed to be in a time loop!#I love the concept <3 It sounds so fun to play in and there's still plenty of room to think about the mechanics and how it would be played #As well as the art design! :D #We threw around some character concepts - she's really into Baldur's Gate 3 at the moment so of course they had some influence in hers hehe #Only got the starting party for the moment but there are plans for a full team of 4 plus the shopkeep >:3c And various other NPCs lol #A lot of the gameplay would basically boil down to being a bartering simulator hehe ♪#Very RPG trade-this-for-that style quests - under a time limit! Hehe #Since it's the type of game that pretty much requires replaying sections time-loop-style it's all about how quickly you can trial and error #And then hightail it to where you need to be lol #I think we were also tossing around a nap mechanic to skip right to the time loop reset in case you mess up a run haha #I gotta get back to Majora's Mask at some point I swear #We still have a good bit of concept work to do on the art side of things - she's also been really into pixel art lately and I love pixel art #I also managed to pick up a full release of one of the RPGMakers :D So that's an exciting possibility!#I haven't learned most of its ins and outs yet but I do know About importing custom assets at the very least >:3c #Same with Novelty and I haven't done that yet either lol - all in due time! I hope!!

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boxwinebaddie · 4 months

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an uncle nina check in <3

hi team! thanks for sticking around! i know my blog isn't always the most exciting and enriching place in the world in terms of content, but i am very /content/ to have you all here. <3333

i promise, oddly enough, i have A TON of inspiration and ideas for all my weird styles ( if you're curious about anything please lmk! i've been trying to flesh out my aus out lately ), i've just been in a major bummer depression era lately, so it's hard for me to get my asks done and i'm having a hard time committing to finishing my writing. :<

i think it's because of stress and my bipolar, but i am trying to get back on the horse! ( are we all laughing at the idea of me trying to get on a horse? i'd start crying help city girl fail moment for me ) yeehaw!

and while, unfortunately due to the instability ( fabulous legendary iconery ) of my pretty girl popstar personality, i do not know whether i will be answering almost no questions or one million, regardless of that, i just wanted to let you know, i'm still here, still kicking my feet, twirling my hair, cooking...i'm just really trying not to force myself to put out anything i don't like...and only do what makes me truly happy.

however, nothing, my dear sweet e-darlings...

makes me happier than coming home to all of you. <333

so thank you for flooding even the darkest corners of my life with bright light, supporting my phantom fics and being wonderful,

uncle nina xx

#nina speaks #hi my loves #idk what the point of this was #i just know my blog is really inconsistent and i know i dont really post anything or anything that useful #but i wanted you to know that i love you very much and i still care a lot about all of you and all my content actually #which i have been fleshing out in notebooks and google docs i've been doing lots of world building and character study #so feel free to ask me something challenging about any part of my nina sp auniverse that interests u itll make my brain work #i've also been taking very silly but dilligent notes abt what ravesey style looks like for ter so if u want to laff at those u can #i just love taking notes on detail and understanding exactly what characters look like or what settings appear like idk #might be some experimental writing on here i like doing different mediums like i was being silly #and started writing a netflix trailer for rm haha i also have been doing weird personality tests and questionnaires #i've been trying to think very deeply about tkak and my tfbw styles if u have any questions there and am deep plotting rm #trying to be impactful while also keeping things fun and learning to enjoy myself again i suppose #so again thakn u for being here sorry its weird on here but thank u for supporting me as i learn and grow my sunshines #also ik i have a ton of asks and uve already asked me so many things so never feel inclined to message me #but i love hearing what ur curious about hopefully i can answer some stuff eventually but again im on a break #i'm here but i'm not this is a safe place we try and fail we have fun and promote style world domination thru my weird styles #ilysm i'm shutting up now i promise i'm still here i'm just trying to be healthy and happy esp rn when i am not emotionally well #gotta protect my peace and my vibe palace but im still here!#MWAH MWAH MWAAAAAH #really trying to heal my inner child or like the girl in me that liked to write silly stories and create crazy things #weird hcs big dramatic plots silly stuff...i want to honor that girl because she was happy and free and had fun #and i want to do that again so lets have fun guys #no judgement no seriousness just good vibes and good reads #welcome to the uncle nina learns to laugh again arc #i hope you enjoy it

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spider-man-2o99 · 2 years

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i don’t think we talk enough abt how when miguel first got his Spider Powers it was at least partly because his coworker genuinely tried to murder him on a whim just for being. like. kind of annoying at the workplace. utterly deranged and iconic behavior from aaron here

#talking tag #spider-man 2099 #spiderman 2099 #miguel o'hara #aaron delgado #spiderverse #atsv #say whatever u will abt sm2099 having its origin story spread across the first three issues-- no. 1 is still absolutely a home run #mig's origin--which very deliberately Doesn't involve hide nor hair of an even slightly-radioactive arachnid--has held up so long -#- for a Reason. it's been three decades!#and i Stand By that statement #he's got one of the most unique origin stories of all the dozens of alternate spiders!!!!! just suspend ur disbelief and have Fun #name one other Spider who was naked as a jaybird for a majority of their debut I Will Wait .#i justd. like.#like!! even in just this One Scene!! we learn so much abt miguel and how he thinks and deals with drastic unforeseen circumstances.#he talks himself up because he knows he IS smart-- but he /also/ acknowledges that he screwed the pooch and owns up to his ego #and from the jump he has very little hesitation before figuring out how to get his system clean of rapture and Doing That #if aaron wasn't also there that night miguel would've just done exactly what he planned to and then been done!!#he's very pragmatic

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devotedlystrangewizard · 5 months

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the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.

he never was.

#ramblings #incoherent beyond belief its 4 am #and im trying to avoid manga spoilers #might add a reblog with more coherent thoughts when i wake up but im off my meds so i cant promise anything #actually correction im being vague w the manga spoilers #manga readers know whats up #idk if there are any anime only ppl who havent been spoiled on The Plottwist Ever yet #but i figured there will be new fans and though im not tagging this it might still get seen so #cant WAIT to see our boy absolutely miserable in animation form should they recreate that arc LMAOOO #which ofc is after the germany arc so thats still a long time away #but STILL. itd be fun i need to see this young teenager lose his mind in color with sound #him relying on sebastian to do all his fag duties (sorry. dredge) so he can work his way up the social ladder #trying to gain power while simultaneously proving that he cant do anything but rely on others #hes always needed help in basically every way and he hasnt CHANGED he just got a demon to do it for him #he learns to lie and charm and cheat and all the while hes a fucking CHILD WHO STILL STRUGGLES WITH NORMAL THINGS #ciel is my little baby and i love him deeply no matter how much of a little bitch he can be #his helplessness isnt just 'oh he was raised in british high society' its also that he never got the chance to learn anything #which to elaborate on that id also have to go into manga territory. iykyk #like absolutely at this point he just refuses to learn how to do things he has a pet demon to do it for him #but.#hi the phantomhives backstory is killing me again its so late #both atlantic and the school arc are just setup for the Big Arc but theyre very good in their own right i SWEAR #also when i rewatched the circus arc a while back and i realised how some scenes were shot #the heavy foreshadowing that i didnt realise. yk. 7 years ago or however long its been since i first watched it #CRAZY #if you are new. to kuroshitsuji. and you havent read the manga. dear god. read the manga #ALSO GRELLE IN THAT ARC IS SO BEAUTIFUL & OTHELLO IS TRANSMASCULINE. OKAY GOODBYE

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pyrriax · 3 months

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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏

#haunted ecosystem #i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months #<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat #dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer #((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is #that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better #because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and #you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain #and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be #and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that #somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!

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dandyshucks · 7 months

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me when i suddenly remember I can draw whatever i want and it is allowed to look imperfect !!!! and I'm allowed to use pose bases esp if I'm just drawing for fun !!!

im trying to figure out a specific cartoony style I did in one drawing from a few months back, and then I've been wanting to do one of those heart hands poses for a long time so I found a pose base to try a quick sketch tonight just for funsies hehe

#i missed just drawing whatever fbfjdkl #its been so long since i just... let myself draw whatever fjdkdl #I've had a goal or some kind of rules in my head for every drawing session for the past month-ish #no wonder I've been feeling less and less inclined to draw fnfkdl goodness gracious I've been restricting myself too much #it'd be like telling someone to go have fun colouring a picture but theyre only allowed to use yellow or smth fjfkdl #like. okay. that can still be fun but it'd be MORE fun to be freeform and have all the colours !!!#drawing monochrome is fun for a challenge or exercise every now and then but not just to let off steam !!!#bwaahhh i re-learn this every few months and then end up forgetting it again sbdjskl silly silly smh #SIDE NOTE. DO Y'ALL RLY NOT SAY PENCIL CRAYONS IN THE USA ??#IS IT ONLY ''COLOURED PENCILS''??? or... i should say... colored pencils LMAO american spelling /lh #coloured pencils sounds so Proper and Fancy LOL #i wonder if canada got pencil crayons from french 🤔 bc in french pencils are called crayons!#i feel like some of the US probably says pencil crayons but everyone I've talked to says they either havent heard of it or nobody says it #VERY WEIRD LOL i had no idea until a friend asked me wtf i meant by pencil crayons fhfkdl #dandy.cmd #💜so good at being in trouble #doodlebug.png

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bacchuschucklefuck · 4 months

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the boy-but-not-that-way-ism of riz gukgak send tweet

#not art #have been chipping away at a more... proper? so to say. piece of the kids for keepsake. and since its of them at the beach Im rotating #gender stuff in brain again. riz and gorgug ping a lot of the like funny gender stuff in my brain #very specifically adjacent to cultural understanding of it all... like I did say I do think riz has a gender and it can be #translated to ''man'' in solesian understanding but also that boy has close to no self awareness nor does he want to #he grew up as ''goblin'' before ''boy'' and it's kinda how he perceives himself. got a gender but doesn't wanna do much with it #kinda imagining him seeing his grandparents again and realizing that there's a gap there between himself and his grandpa too #and sitting with that for a bit. not for long that kid doesnt do that but for just a little bit #man I truly really do love that riz is aroace. my boy of the unquantifiable unimportant margins....#gorgug though is 100% trans lmao. there's a kinda distance to his own body in how he acts #that's kinda common in ''mad scientist'' characters? (or maybe my perspective's just skewed due to willow jenkins lmao)#kid spent the first two seasons fitting himself in places he Should be able to fit. and s3 is pretty much all about him Making New Spaces #thing is despite looking ardently for like. the reason Why he can't fit in in the first season I think gorgug really does #love his gnome parents and love being their child. and its confusing and tough to have to learn why something you love still hurts you #he wants it to not. he wants to make sense. and then it does and it changes nothing really #until he actively makes choices based on what he's learned. like. damn idk how to word it but #just like the ability to say ''actually this Is my life what are u gonna do? stop me from living it?'' is a powerful force #its rly fun to look at these two guys in these contexts thats like #they will never win the gender game just by virtue of being who they are. it's not designed for folks like them to win #but riz would simply not play and gorgug would design his Own game he's the champion of. and I think that rules

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chisatowo · 2 years

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Okie I took a shower and now I'm normal again (lying) anyways look at my son

#rat rambles #sekai posting #sorry for that kinda messy rant smth just snapped within me tkfjsjdg #I rly could have just said 'very few of the behaviors ppl demonise mafuyu for within their initial breakdown are repeated after it'#and thatd cover most of my bases. If ppl actually thought for five seconds longer anyways lol #but ya anyways onto smth more positive I rly love how we can rly tangebly see mafuyu's development since the start in their bday 4koma #basic summary; ichika and honami give them globe. mafuyu does a lil genuine thing and says they like it. they show it to miku and len woo #I love how we rly get to feel mafuyu start to get a better grasp on expressing themself genuinely even if they try their damndest not to #let it show outside of 25ji #it rly goes to show that just having a space to try to express themself more freely is so important for them #it reminds me of how for me that space was talking to myself when I was home alone #I think that kinda left me with some other issues but it did legitimately help me build up my sense of self so much #because rather than engaging with this hypothetical me in my thought echo chamber I had to actually like talk #and also while I poke fun at kanade constantly being like how do u feel it does help and honestly is probably the best kanade can do in her #current state without biting off way more than she can chew which is ultimately best for both of them #but still 25ji encouraging mafuyu to try to word their thoughts forces them to engage with their mental state in a more tangeble way #and thats good for them I think. again it reminds me of a lot of what I did to rebuild so I think its neat to see in a media #I rly appreciate how a lot of mafuyu's issues have been less them relearning ~how to feel~ or whatever and more of a mix of them finding #more of a safe space to actually learn how to recognise their emotions that they already have while also having the rest of 25ji there to #support them and on top of a safe space give them a happy space of sorts #like again I can poke fun at 25ji for not being the found family ppl treat them as all I want but that doesnt make them less important for #mafuyu and also again all of them make me soso happy and I love all of their dynamics Im just a lil hater /j #aka I dont like ppl scrubbing away their rough edges as friends like them being so clunky is a part of the appeal to me #I wanna watch them bridge that gap as slowly as possible I find it funny #but in all seriousness tho if the next 25ji event gives us some good kanade stuff we might be much more set up for some stronger 25ji #friendship developments since currently kanade is the one making things most stagnant #speaking of I hope the next 25ji banner is good Im tired of saving my crystals I wanna gamble god damnit /j

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yo9urt · 2 months

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finished umbrella academy ... !

#mine #long ramble ->#well...my first thoughts are 1. i did cry in the finale...no spoilers though 2. justin h min was SOOOO CUTE THIS SEASON OFMG #i couldnt handle it....#anyway back to serious business. i liked it...i think it was a bit weaker for me than the other seasons but maybe just because its been so #long since season 3 and the other netflix shows i spent the past few years watching all ended a year or two ago #so i guess there was more emotional distance so to speak. but i still really enjoyed it #luther was top notch this season he was just fun every time he was on screen and i really liked that especially bc #i remember he was kind of annoying in the earlier seasons lol #i disliked the cheating plotline as i always do of course. and i liked seeing nick offerman and megan mullally but everyone does #i was happy abigail actually got more than 0.2 seconds of screentime and we got to learn a bit more aobut her #i think her secret plot was very bad bitch and i respect her for that #i liked s4 reggie he was much better than the old one(s)...hmm and i wouldve liked a bit more screentime with jennifer #she felt a bit more like a plot device than a character honestly the writing was weak there #i liked the siblings this season though i think we got to see them mature a good bit both in-season and compared to the first 3 #as for the actual overarching plot...well i'm happy things ended the way they did #and for me as someone whose tastes were fundamentally and irrevocably influenced by pmd explorers #im always a sucker for a good time travel story especially one where REDACTED happens at the end #cause its so reminiscent of that game lol but anyway yeah i liked it #someday when i have a lot of time to burn maybe i'll rewatch the whole thing from the start. classic tradition #ohhh maybe when i get my next gender surgery i'll do that...

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