#but like her mourning him repeatedly in the series :(( her feeling guilt over killing him and then feeling guilt over feeling guilt DAMN

[aerticent]

Mareven is so weird cause FAWK THAT SHIP but also their relationship in canon is so special to me cause my god she loves him so much and he loves her just not enough to value her over his need to live up to Elara’s (and Tibe’s) expectations and his need to be better this is so sick

[forgiveness-in-the-misery]

I do want to post about the concept of a soul in BTVS because the show sort of fucked itself into a corner immediately with season one by introducing it as a big running theme.

Angel was a crappy human who then became a vampire and as a vampire he was beyond evil but then he was cursed with having a soul again and forced to feel guilt for all his crimes.

Which okay fine that works. If you are incapable of empathy then suddenly can feel it one day then yes every bad thing you did would make you feel horrible. Then he lives as a vampire with a soul for many many years….until he has sex with Buffy and loses his soul all over again.

Which is now where things become mildly complicated.

Angel no longer possessing a soul goes right back into being the world’s shittiest white guy. Admittedly I prefer Angelus cause Angel within this series is just a prop most times, while in his own spinoff show where they often tease the fact he is broody and weird only for him to admit he’s just immensely socially awkward.

Of course once Angel gets his soul back he goes back to being a good person.

Which is kind of a problem for me? We already before this were introduced to Spike as a new villain character in the show and he isn’t like other vampires. Spike despite being a soulless monster “stinks of humanity” according to another demon. Spike loves intensely, Spike is poetic and gentle with Dru, Spike mourns often, he can be depressed or anxious. He protects Dawn fiercely, he genuinely adores and loves Joyce, he mourns Buffy when she dies. There is the point of Spike having a chip preventing him from killing but that is literally all it does, it prevents him from killing. There is nothing about the chip making him be gentle or caring or showcase empathy constantly.

So after living quite a few years cursed with a soul wouldn’t Angel change overall? Does it solely depend on who sired you? Is Angel a lunatic asshole because he was sired by one? While Dru is more empathetic but even her own empathy is immensely short and we have seen how easily she can drop Spike over his own genuine humanity. So siring doesn’t seem completely in line.

Is Angel just a fucking crappy person with a weird white guilt thing going on? The dudebro who goes around apologizing for what he is but lowkey enjoys the privilege that comes with it?

Even outside of vampires there are some incredibly shitty humans in the show. We see plenty of human characters do things as horrifying as vampires and other demons.

So what is a soul?

A soul through Angel just seems to be a vehicle to make you depressed and never want to do a bad thing and the same happens for a time when Spike acquires a soul. For a short period he goes insane with guilt. But then Spike goes back to normal, a soul made no real difference in him as a character other than costuming changing his appearance so he looks more “trustworthy” which I personally find shady and dumb but that’s me.

I know over all it could all be just fantasy rules played fast and loose, but the show repeatedly makes a fucking point of souls. Souls seem to be the key of being an insanely good person despite the main characters being humans doing grossly shitty things, human villains doing repulsive things and random characters again doing and saying gross horrible things.

I wish the narrative had either not done the soul thing at all or at least had gone about it completely differently. Because if Angel losing his soul and becoming a monster then regaining it and being harmless again that should have been questioned in the narrative way more other than the characters just having some trauma they needed to get over and accept Angel again.

The issue of souls is why season seven for me is my fall of season because seeing Spike suddenly redeemed by becoming Catholic guilt man just put me off…and Kennedy. God dear God I hate her.

[sheikah]

How do u think the show will handle Alina’s character. The way I interpreted it, the whole plot of TGT was a twist on the chosen one trope. She was the chosen one but unlike other popular chosen ones, I felt like she never truly loved her power. She just wanted to be free and happy, which is totally fair. She was forced to use her power to save the world but at the end of it all she wanted was to be left alone. I think Leigh didn’t do the best job of this trope but I think that’s what she intended. I wonder if the show will do this trope better or make Alina embrace her power which IMO changes her character, or at least my interpretation of her.

This is a great question, because I think different interpretations of how Alina feels about her power really change how one views her character. Personally, I think Alina started the series just wanting to be left alone and not embracing her power. But I think that over time she did grow to embrace it. I pulled out a lot of book quotes under the cut, because I am very emotionally invested in ambitious/power-hungry Alina haha.

So I think it starts in S&S when she gets the sea whip amplifier and can feel and enjoy the way it adds to her power, but it isn’t really something she acknowledges until the end when she tricks the Darkling. When she uses his power, we’re in her head, getting her thoughts. It isn’t just about her manipulating him. Yeah, she’s doing what she needs to do, but she likes it:

This was not the way he'd touched me in my visions, when he'd come to me as shadow. This was real, and I could drown in it. Power flowed through me--the power of the stag, its strong heart beating in both our bodies, the life he'd taken, the life I tried to save. But I also felt the Darkling's power, the power of the Black Heretic, the power of the Fold.

Like calls to like. I'd sensed it when the Hummingbird entered the Unsea, but I'd been too afraid to embrace it. This time, I didn't fight. I let go of my fear, my guilt, my shame. There was darkness inside of me. He had put it there, and I would no longer deny it. The volcra, the nichevo'ya, they were my monsters, all of them. And he was my monster, too.

This was the beginning, I guess, but there are way more instances in R&R when Alina ponders on her own lust for power. 

Gradually, she is willing to admit, both to herself and others, that it isn’t just about beating the Darkling, she wants the firebird and the power of the third amplifier:

I wasn't sure what was driving me, if it was my need for vengeance or something higher, if it was hunger for the firebird.

.

.

Baghra's hand shot out. With surprising accuracy, she seized my wrist.

"Put your hunger aside, Alina. Do what Morozova and my son could not and give this up."

My cheeks were wet with tears. I hurt for her. I hurt for her son. But even so, I knew what my answer would be.

"I can't."

He'd killed animals and then brought them back to life, sometimes repeatedly, delving deeper into merzost, creation, the power of life over death, trying to find a way to create amplifiers that might be used together. It was forbidden power, but I knew its temptation, and I shuddered to think that pursuing it had driven him mad.

.

"I won't deny it. I want the firebird. I want the amplifiers' combined power."

.

"It doesn't matter why I'm using the Cut, what I'm doing with the power. It always feels good."

Eventually, she realizes Mal is an amplifier, but still wants the power his death could provide:

I had the sense of a door swinging open, and all I wanted was to step through--this taste of perfect, gleaming elation was nothing compared to what lay on the other side. I forgot where I was, forgot everything but the need to cross that threshold, to claim that power ... The burn of power was almost unendurable, a dull whine that filled my head. My heart beat so hard I thought I might not survive it. I needed to walk through that door ... I wanted to blot out this knowledge, carve it from my skull, because I hungered for the power that lay beyond that golden door, desired it with a kind of pure and aching fever that made me want to tear at my skin. The price for that power would be Mal's life.

There are also the iconic scenes with the Darkling when she realizes that she’s drawn to power the same way that he is:

.

"You were meant to be my balance, Alina. You are the only one who might keep my power in check."

"And who will balance me?" The words emerged before I thought better of them, giving raw voice to a thought that haunted me even more than the possibility that the firebird didn't exist. "What if I'm no better than you? What if instead of stopping you, I'm just another avalanche?"

I include all these because I don’t think book!Alina wanted to be left alone and powerless at all. It’s one of the big problems I have with the ending of R&R. Alina didn’t willingly sacrifice her power. She sacrificed Mal (albeit at great personal cost and with a lot of grief) for the power of the third amplifier. But when that power went to create other Sun Summoners, it was a surprise. She didn’t anticipate it, and didn’t want it. And while the ending is a happy one and I’m sure Alina and Mal are perfectly happy at Keramzin living a normal life, there’s always this passage about Alina mourning the loss of her powers that haunts me a little bit:

“You might make me a better man.”

“And you might make me a monster.”

The boy and the girl had both known loss, and their grief did not leave them. Sometimes he would find her standing by a window, fingers playing in the beams of sunlight that streamed through the glass.

So, to finally answer your question, I actually personally interpret book!Alina as having embraced and wanted her power, but I think the show will characterize Alina in much the way you said. Alina will be the reluctant Chosen One. She will be humble and do her duty to save Ravka, but in a way befitting Sankta Alina. I don’t think we’re going to get glimpses of Alina reveling in her power or the prospect of dark!Alina. I wish we would! But we most likely won’t have a first-person POV or voiceover showing her thoughts to show us these inner conflicts, and even if we did, I anticipate a change in the writing/story that will mean a change in Alina as well. 

Archie is in every episode of season one. At least, he’s credited for all of the episodes on IMDb. If that holds up when the show actually airs, it means significant changes in Mal’s inclusion in the story (because Mal is hardly in most of S&B) and thus the Mal/Alina relationship. And the biggest thing holding Alina back from embracing her powers has always been Mal. She loved him and her life at Keramzin so she suppressed her powers when the examiners came as a child because subconsciously she didn't want to leave him. Then after her powers were revealed she and Mal fought about them. Her status as the Sun Summoner was the biggest conflict in their relationship. It made Mal feel like she didn’t need him, and Alina even says that while the people wanted her to be a “Grisha queen,” “Mal wanted a commoner queen.” And there are a bunch of examples of similar sentiments from when they argue. So if the show is going to have more Mal/Alina, which I suspect it will because Leigh wants to change fandom perspective on her preferred and endgame ship (and because Leigh said in one of her instagram live sessions that she thinks Archie’s portrayal is going to win over people who aren’t fans of Mal), I imagine there will be less ambitious Alina, for better or for worse.

[aceofwhump]

Okay so I got back into my Supergirl binge, just finished season 3, and I HAVE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. So buckle up cause I'm just gonna put this all under post. There’s a lot here. It's really random and incoherent and long so I'm putting it under a read more.

If you’ve been with me a while you know I can get....passionate about characters I love so this probably won’t be anything new lol. For all you newcomers this is a good time to warn you that I can get long winded in my outpouring of affection for certain whumpees.

Also, spoiler alert I guess if you haven't watched. And if you are a Mon-El hater reading this please don’t interact. I won’t put up with that bullshit. This is positive Mon-El post cause I LOVE MON-EL SO MUCH

TW: discussions of child abuse, emotional and physical

First of all, you guys remember me posting about how much I loved Mon-El and how I had thoughts on how I wanted him whumped? I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED!!!! God he got whumped so good!! The gunshot! The Medusa virus!! The emotional angst! The stuff with Rhea!! The lead poisoning!! Him having to leave! HEARTBREAKING! WONDERFUL! I LOVE IT!! I NEED MORE!! He whumps so so good!! And there's still soooooo many ways I'd love to see but probably won't get to. Ugh so many opportunities and ideas I'd love to explore.

Secondly, I have feelings about Mon-El and Rhea and Daxam in general. 

Oooh boy do I have feelings. OH MY GOD the Mon-El angst that can/does come out of it all is so fucking delicious!

Rhea is one abusive, manipulative BITCH and I feel so bad for Mon-El! I can only imagine the things he went through a child if she is doing this shit to him as an adult. In the show we’ve seen that Rhea has physically struck him (not only did she slap him across the face but she also punched him so hard in the chest he went flying across the room), locked him up on their ship (and was going to keep him in caged for the next 4 years while she brainwashed him into being the "prince” he used to be), continually emotionally manipulates him, murdered his father and blamed it on him, repeatedly ignores his wishes and words, attacked the people he loves, threatens him, guilt trips him, tried to force him into a marriage using the lives of sick children to manipulate him into it, took locks of his hair without his consent in order to make a progeny with his dna (seriously what the fuck!), invaded his new home with an army, plays on his emotions and love for her as his mother to manipulate him, lies to him, and so much more.

Shes a monster and if she does this shit to him now then you can bet she did this shit when he was growing up. And that hurts me. Thinking about how emotionally and physically abusive Rhea must have been to Mon-El as he grew up in Daxam is heartbreaking

(Also, did Mon-El actually ever learn that his mother murdered his father!? Cause I'd have liked to see Kara tell him and his reaction towards it! He would have been devastated by it. And it would have been really hard for Kara to tell him something like that. Oh man can you imagine the guilt he'd feel over that!? My heart.)

Then there’s everything we learn about Daxam through things Mon-El says and how his parents act and my god if I grew up in that environment i’d be messed up too. I mean he’s canonically said in 2x20 that "we'd drug ourselves, so we literally didn't feel anything" back in Daxam. That’s so fucking heartbreaking! And he says this after he think he sees (he does actually see her but doesn’t believe he did) his mom on the streets and nearly has a fucking panic attack! 

Mon-El: I, um... (SIGHS) I thought I saw my mother last night. I didn't. Don't worry. I went and checked, and my parents' ship definitely had left for Daxam a few weeks ago. But thinking I saw her, it... I thought it would make me feel anger. But I felt, um... Other... Other stuff... I just... I hate... I hate that I still care about her.

Kara: Hey, we can't will ourselves to not feel anything. Life doesn't work like that.

Mon-El: On Daxam, that's exactly what we'd do. We'd drug ourselves, so we literally didn't feel anything.

Kara: You're allowed to miss her. She is your mother.

Mon-El: Well, she's gone forever. So...

AND! And! I was thinking about when Mon-El saw her on the streets and how much it effected him and how much of an emotional roller coaster that was for him. From the fear of seeing her again to realizing that he still loves her despite everything she’s done and it’s so heartbreaking seeing how much he doesn’t want to feel anything towards her but he does and it hurts him. God fuck Daxam and fuck Rhea. I’m glad he got out of that crap planet and into an environment where he can grow and heal.

Third: Mon-El has been through so much and I really really want to see someone talk to him about it and see him breakdown and someone hug him dammit!

Let’s take a look at everything Mon-El has been through for a second. I mean he witnesses the destruction of Daxam and is forced into an escape pod and is sent into space before he can even think anything. He crash lands on an unknown planet, is in a coma for a while, wakes up panicked and confused with a Kryptonian over him and for him no time has past since he escaped Daxam and he doesn’t know his people are dead so he runs and tries to get home. He’s in unknown territory and he’s in distress and gets caught by Kara who hates him because hes from Daxam and she knocks him and locks him up. So he’s confused and being confronted by a Kryptonian with a clear prejudice against him and then he learns HIS PEOPLE AND PLANET ARE DEAD and he is a refugee now and jeezus that must have been really hard to hear! But no time to process that I guess cause now you have to learn to navigate a strange world but oh you can't leave this facility yet cause we don't trust you. So here live in this random corner of this room. Who needs it to feel homey. Then he gets kidnapped by an evil organization while trying to help someone and gets shot in the leg. Then he gets infected with a virus and nearly dies. All the while he's hiding the fact that he's the prince of Daxam because he’s afraid if Kara finds out she'll hate him again like when they first met (I mean she flat out said at one point that she didn’t want to go on a date with him because of the way he is/who he is) and you know what HE WAS RIGHT! Doesn’t matter that he's trying to change or that his identity would have been a bad thing to blurt out to a Kryptonian. Kara breaks up with him and let's be real who can he go to to talk about this? No one. Cause they'd all take Kara's side. He maybe could go to Winn but not really. Things get better eventually and then his fucking parents show up and he’s back in that emotionally and physically abusive relationship and he’s trying to be stronger and better and he sacrifices himself over and over for Earth and for Kara. But no matter what he does he'll always be a Daxamite and never really trusted by them and that hurts. Winn (and yes of course Kara) was really the only one to truly care that the lead bomb would kill him too. That hurts me. Also! Also! He saw Rhea that day on the street and can you imagine the emotional tailspin that would have thrown him into!? Can you imagine if you saw you evil abusive mother on the street?

SOMEONE LOVE AND HUG MY SON!!

Wow sorry I got long winded there but god I have FEELS!!!!

Which I guess brings me to my next discussion: My feelings about Mon-El's return and the Legion.

Surprisingly I was not as upset over Mon-El and Saturn Girl (and the subsequent death of my favorite top Karamel cause fuck that hurts guys) as I thought I'd be and it took me a minute to work out why. The reason why is because the Legion are his family. Mon-El found his family and his purpose and he's happy. He lived 7 years in the future where he mourned his home and Kara and he found people who love him and he found purpose. He built a legacy, a family, based on everything Kara had taught him and that's amazing. I never felt like he fit in with the DEO group other than Winn and Kara. Even with Kara he sometimes still didn't feel like he fit. But with Imra and Brainy? It feels different. It feels good. They don’t see him as an untrustworthy Daxamite like the others did. To the Legion he’s just Mon-El. From the way he interacts with both Imra and Brainy and the quick lines he throws out about their lives in the future you can feel how different it is for him. They love him, they trust him. He called Brainy his best friend! It feels happy and they feel close just like a family. And I'm so so happy that its Winn who ends up going with him back to the future cause not only did Mon-El deserve to have his best friend back but Winn deserved that adventure and it makes me so damn happy.

I was really sad when he left again and really sad that he and Kara weren’t going to be together but it’s okay because he’s happy! Look at how much Mon-El has grown! He’s a true hero! He’s brave and smart and selfless and strong and I couldn’t be more proud of him. Being back was really hard for him but he tried to not hurt Kara and in the end he made the best decision for both of them. I’m so proud of him.

I wish so desperately that I could get a whole fanfic or series or even just tons of headcanons about his time forming and fighting with the Legion cause I want to see that family grow. That's a team I can get behind. I want to see everything that Mon-El went through from the time he landed in the future for the first time to him waking up in 3x07. I want to see how he adjusts and who he meets and see him slowly start fighting and finding others to fight with him cause Kara taught him to help people so he'll help people while he's stick here. I want to see him learn how to fight, him learning his cape tricks, getting his supersuit, fighting with the Legionnaires. But I also want to see him slowly lose hope of every returning home of ever seeing Kara again and how that affects him and hopefully see the rest of the Legion help him through that. To see that family begin to grow. To see him slowly accept that he won't ever see his home or Kara ever again. To see him reluctantly fall in love again. To see him accept his fate and make a home in the 31st century. To protect it and fight for it and his new family. To begin to feel happy and content in the future and finally feel at ease with his life again after years of closing himself of from others too afraid to lose them and hurt again. I want to see all of this. I also want to see what they're like now that Winn has joined them and how much fun those two have together in the future. How do the Legionnaires feel about losing Brainy? How do they feel about Winn? How do they bond?

One final thought. Less about Mon-El and more about the fandom.

You guys warned me about the hate he gets but oh my god I did not expect to see hatred in such a level as I did when I ventured into the tag looking for gifs. Jeezus fuck. I don't understand it. I do not understand how anyone could hate that adorable space puppy. Mon-El worked so hard to unlearn all of the bad things he's been taught since birth and is instead learning from Kara how to be a hero. And he does! He learns and grows and it's amazing and I'm so proud of him! He becomes a caring and supportive and loving boyfriend and is well on the way to being a real hero! He stands up against his evil abusive mother and turns away his people and fights for Kara and for Earth. I'm proud of him. Yes he makes mistakes but he recognizes it and tries really hard to learn from them and do better! How can you hate him with such vehemence!? How!? I've seen less hated towards actual villains! Villains who murder with glee and without remorse! Villains whose backstory is nothing than "I want to". But Mon-El is the one to get hated on? And for those fans to not just attack Mon-El going as far as to call him abusive (the fuck?) but to go after other fans who like him and ship Karamel? To go after Chris Wood himself?! The vitriol I've seen spouted is horrifying. I thought the hate I got for being a Grant Ward or a Roger Mackenzie fan was bad. And it was/is but this is....wow. Just wow. I'll never understand it.

I love Mon-El greatly. He's such a complex character. I love watching people grow and learn and his character development is a gift to watch. Seeing him go from the playboy asshole he started as to the caring and brave hero he is now is wonderful to watch. And I love him and Kara. You can see the love between Chris and Melissa every second the two of them on screen together and it warms my heart that they found each other, that after everything Melissa went through she found her happiness with Chris. And you can see that happiness with Kara and Mon-El. They were so cute and loving and so full of light. I love them and will continue to support and love Karamel forever.

[fictionalrambles]

Shadowhunters Fandom Story - Part Eleven

Submitted by fairphyllis13 

Five Fave Fics:

THE BOUNDLESS SAGA by @povverbottoms and teumessian

A path of birth, rebirth and awareness. I can’t say how much I was hit by this series, one of the first things I read about Malec. A crescendo of fear, awe, stubborness, love and power, all displayed in the amazing chapter in which Alec faces the Irak-Ta, declaring his contempt towards his world taking on the hardest ordeal for a Shadowhunter to become the ruler of his own life, while Magnus can barely cope with his lover’s suffering.

Favourite quote: Magnus running towards a barely alive Alec to free him:

Before anyone reaches Alec there’s a blast of wind and Magnus is there, arms bare and hands glowing blue as the shackles explode off Alec’s wrists.

Until the glory of the last part of the series, that, oh god, can’t be described.

He raises a hand, turns open his palm. There’s one golden spark, and then a purple fire blooms in his palm. Alec glances at it, chuckles, and then it burns even brighter, flames turning to silver and gold.

“Who are you?” Magnus breathes.

Alec drops his hand slowly, ball of magic blinking out as his fist closes around it. He holds Magnus’ eyes as he speaks, open and pressing for understanding.

“I’m Alec. The Alec that does belong to you.”

*

INVICTUS by @lecrit

The art of tattooing: the art of covering - or highlighting - your wounds through drawings and thanks to a strong connection between the artist and his canvas, a body who wants to yell at the world through a kind of psychoanalytic session.

Alec feels responsible for the accident and thinks he doesn’t deserve happiness, he doesn’t want to be happy, trying to atone for the guilt in which he’s drowning. But making his mind in covering his scars highlighting them with a tattoo means a new beginning, just like my tattoos represent a path: knowledge, love, chains, anger, and finally peace, awareness, balance and renewal.

Favourite quote:

To mark your skin with something that will be a part of you because you have decided

That’s it: something you get control upon

*

ALL REALMS OF WHERE AND WHEN BEYOND by @la-muerta

A fantasy tale – what I love the most – which brings out the best qualities of truly strong people: honesty, loyalty, self-sacrifice, love towards those who you are responsible for. Magnus and Alec have a long journey towards each other, learning to be together but never forgetting their duty and their responsibility, and their happiness happens only when they’ve fulfilled what they are expected to do. This is a milestone for me, what I appreciate the most.

Favourite scene: their heartbreaking first time, just before they split.

"Magnus, please," he whispered, not knowing what he asked for, overcome with emotion, but Magnus just hushed him with a kiss, swallowing Alec's cries as he began to rock into him.

The gentle waves of pleasure washing over Alec began to rise and swell into a roiling tempest. They were joined so deeply that Magnus' magic was sparking blue all over Alec, his pleasure feeding Magnus' and Magnus' pleasure pushing back into him, both of them completely lost in each other.

Alec threw his head back against the pillow, crying out Magnus' name as he let Magnus fill him over and over again, until the crest of pleasure broke inside them both, and they both came whole to the night.

Too soon, the sky began to lighten.

Neither his siblings nor his liegeman made any comment that he had only returned to them in the wee hours of the morning, arms laden with travelling supplies and face streaked with fresh tears.

*

BETWEEN THE LINES by @msalexiscriss

An absolutely amazing cop/thief AU, a thread I like so much, in a neverending game between two smart people on the opposite side of the law. Yet, no one is totally right or wrong and our thief is much nicer than we thought; moreover, their continuous challenge makes the story interesting and lively through a series of coup-de-theatre. From enemies to lovers they learn how much love and hate might mix in an explosive blend but eventually morphing into something beautiful. And also how love and hope push you to make amends of your mistakes to gain a greater reward.

Favourite scene: Magnus’ exit out of jail after paying his debts and letting himself love Alec

"I know I have nothing left to offer you, I am an ex-convict without a job, money or any plan for the future, but I love you. I love you with every fiber of my being and that's never going to change. Maybe I'm four years too late, maybe this isn’t what you want. I know that a lot of things have happened since this started but-"

"Yes!" Alec exclaimed, kissing him repeatedly. "Yes, yes and a thousand times yes!"

Magnus smiled, feeling his heart making thousands of somersaults inside his chest. "Risks and all?" He asked.

"Risks and all!"

*

MAJOR ALEXANDER LIGHTWOOD by  caffeineaddicted_malec

A tough military AU, a couple of happy husbands who have been separated by war and then by death. Years of mourning and one day yes, major Lightwood is back, being held captive for 6 years, tortured and abused. The long winding path of two souls that need to reconcile, their deep connection challenged by an awful experience and a resulting PTSD, when love sometimes isn’t even enough. I never experienced PTSD myself: but it made me think about what people I know is going through and made me aware about how much they need love, understanding and support: let’s try to be kind.

Favourite quote: Maryse talking with her son-in-law.

“I miss him sometimes. Our Alec. The one who would have killed Luke yesterday just because I had started dating him”, Maryse sighed and sat down on the table curling her hands together in a fist. Magnus looked at Alec again and nodded, a tint of moisture collecting in his eyes.

“He’s still in there...we just have to be patient”, Magnus assured.

[brin-guivera]

(via Ten Favourite Characters from The Untamed)

ten favourite characters from the untamed

It’s been a while since I did one of these type of posts (outside of Top Ten Tuesday anyway) and as a small celebration for hitting my 1000th post on the blog (this very one, as a matter of fact!) I have decided to do a post based on my most recent obsession The Untamed!

I have already talked at length about this series in various posts (and did a review of the series here) but I thought it might be fun to share with you my favourite characters. This is based on the live action televised drama – not the web-novel / donghua series or other platforms where it has appeared.

I do like a lot of characters in this series (even some I’m not supposed to like – hey, they are great characters even if they are not good people!) but there are some that are my extra-special favourites.

10. lan jingyi

I love all of the juniors really, but Lan Jingyi made it into the 10th spot because he is the “most un-Lan Lan to ever Lan in the history of Lan”  – thus spake the fanbase! Most of the Gusu Lan Sect and calm and peaceful, serene and tranquil. Lan Jingyi is snarky and impatient, with a short fuse and temper. However, he also has a kind heart and is extremely loyal.

I like him a lot because although he does share the Lan clan’s beliefs he goes about it in a completely different way! He is definitely an individual and we need more of those!

9. lan xichen

Lan Wangji’s elder brother and one of the Twin Jades of Lan. Lan Xichen is a gentle and kind-hearted soul who is very trusting, almost to a fault. He is also extremely protective of his younger brother and does his best to help the aloof and distant Lan Wangji make friends. Lan Xichen has a keen ear for music and is known for being able to diffuse tense situations.

Lan Xichen is the perfect older brother – caring and supportive. Although he can be a little bit naive, he is kind at heart and a genuinely good person.

8. wen qing

The best doctor the Wen Clan has, she is a strong and capable woman, slow to trust but quick to help where she can. Wen Qing is forced to serve the power-hungry Wen Ruohan who has a hold over her through her younger brother Wen Ning. She is aloof, cold, and above all extremely intelligent. Initially, she distrusts Wei Wuxian but gradually warms up to him because of his kind and helpful nature.

Wen Qing is a great character – she is capable and powerful and not necessarily warm but cares about others in her own way. Once you have her loyalty you never lose it.

7. wen ning

The shy, gentle, and timid younger brother of Wen Qing, who suffers from a strange illness due to being exposed to the Ying Iron as a young child. He is fiercely loyal especially to Wei Wuxian who was one of the few people to show him any kindness outside of his sister. When the Wen clan falls from power, he is turned into The Ghost General, and becomes Wei Wuxian’s right hand man (as his powers of demonic cultivation are able to control Wen Ning’s powers when they emerge).

Wen Ning is a total sweetheart – he has this horrible reputation yet is the purest soul to ever live. I just love him to bits!

6. lan sizhui

A disciple of Lan sect who is raised by Lan Wangji when his family is taken from him. He is a calm and gentle person who is very mature for his young age and is able to wield his abilities carefully and with great skill. Lan Sizhui’s past is a mystery to him but he feels an undeniable connection to Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning when the former is returned to life.

Lan Sizhui is a total dear – he really is the bestest boy! Genuinely warm-hearted and giving, he also is very capable and has everything it takes to be a powerful cultivator.

5. jiang cheng

Opinionated and hot-headed, Jiang Cheng has been raised with his siblings Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian (who was adopted into the Jiang clan after the death of his parents). Jiang Cheng cares very deeply for his loved ones but he is not great at showing it. He has a bad temper and often lashes out at those he cares about (who ultimately recognise that this is just how he shows affection). He dotes upon his nephew Jin Ling even though he often appears strict and sharp-tongued with him.

Jiang Cheng is probably the most misunderstood character. The breakdown of his relationship with Wei Wuxian, and his inability to see how his own actions (or inactions) also led to the tragic events that he hates his brother for, sours his character for a lot of people. Personally, I like him, warts and all, though I do get why many of his critics dislike him. He isn’t an easy character to like but I do like him all the same. 😉

4. nie huaisang

Nie Huisang is initially a contemporary of Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng in their school days at the Gusu Lan clan’s annual seminar. Seen as weak and unskilled, he is well-known for his supposed incompetence. Nicknamed the ‘head shaker’ and referred to as ‘know nothing’, he doesn’t have the best reputation. After the death of his brother Nie Mingjue, he becomes the leader of the Nie Sect.

Nie Huisang is a very intriguing character. Although depicted as being incapable (he carries a fan instead of a sword) there is more to him than meets the eye. Showing rare moments of cleverness and keen intuition, he nonetheless crumbles (and usually faints!) when things get tough. But is it all an act? It is hinted that there is more to him than there first appears – this is then further confirmed in the spin-off Fatal Journey. I really like him as a character, even just the hints you get in the main series. He is definitely one of my very favourites.

3. jiang yanli

Jiang Cheng’s elder sister (by blood) and Wei Wuxian’s adoptive elder sister, Jiang Yanli is a kind and caring person who does everything she can to protect her two brothers. She is the emotional heart of the trio and cares for them deeply, often providing support and cooking for them their favourite meals when they need cheering up. She has strong feelings for her arranged match Jin Zixuan and is devastated when he repeatedly snubs her. Eventually, he comes to care for her and they marry and have a child Jin Ling. Losing Yanli is what tears apart Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, she really appears to be the glue holding the triad together.

Yanli is such an amazing character and did not deserve her fate whatsoever. Her story is tragic and could have been preventable. Alas, it was not meant to be…

2. wei wuxian

Wei Wuxian is the main protagonist of the story. He is a disciple of the Jiang sect and has been raised as a sibling to Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli. He is irrepressibly cheerful and mischievous as a youth, yet also very clever and deeply loyal. He cares deeply for his siblings and comes to view Lan Wangji as his soulmate and life-long confidante.

Due to the Wen clan’s machinations, he ends up pursuing demonic cultivation – a fact that puts him at odds with all of the other clans. He is also the only one to show the remnants of the Wen clan any kindness after their fall from grace and this too puts him in opposition of the other clans, including his own family. When he is defeated, he is mourned by no one; except Lan Wangji who feels remorse for not standing by his soulmate.

Wei Wuxian (or Wei Ying but it feels to personal to call him by his given name – only Lan Zhan can call him that!) is a character that is easy to root for. The television show smooths out some of his more problematic actions so he really is a victim and did not deserve to be vilified the way he was. His return after sixteen years reunites him with his Lan Zhan, who is no longer afraid to stick by him, no matter the consequence. Wei Wuxian is such a relatable main character – you cannot help but feel for him and want him to get his due, finally.

1. lan wangji

Lan Wangji (birth name Lan Zhan) is the second young master of the Lan sect. He is viewed as cold, strict, and distant. Considered difficult to get along with, a real ‘fuddy-duddy’ according to young Wei Wuxian. However, his aloof front hides a good heart and an ever-prevailing sense of justice. Due to his actions in taking down the Wen clan, he is granted the title of Hanguang Jun (roughly translated to Light Bearing Lord). His abilities cannot be faulted and he is considered a cultivator without equal.

Although they could not be more different, he becomes close with Wei Wuxian and recognises him as his soulmate. However, he is torn by his regard for the demonic cultivator and the rules of his peers. Unable to help him, he is devastated when Wei Wuxian is killed and carries that guilt for sixteen years. When they are reunited, it is clear that Lan Wangji will stand by Wei Wuxian, not matter the cost.

Lan Wangji, oh Lan Wangji, how I love you so… I did not foresee him becoming my favourite character when I started watching the series (the live action was actually my first introduction to this world). I was prepared to be a Wei Wuxian fangirl through and through (I kind of am though Lan Wangji is still my number one). There is just something about Lan Wangji though. He isn’t an easy character to get to know. He is very aloof and closed-off. However, when you peel that back you see the layers of sadness and how solitude has really cut him off from everyone else. This is like catnip to me as I love the tortured characters. Wei Wuxian, for all the external crap he goes through, is still underneath a positive and upbeat person (no matter how many times it gets beaten out of him). Lan Wangji… there is just something so lonely about him. I cannot help but love him.

***************

And that there is my top ten characters from The Untamed! I didn’t include Jin Guangyao on this list (even though he is a great character – I more love to hate him than love him!) Hope you have enjoyed me rambling on about them. I love this series so much and I am probably boring everyone to pieces but I just can’t help but talk about it!

**I haven’t mentioned a few of my other favourites such as Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen but I didn’t want to spoil their story, I may do a separate post about the Yi City arc at some point…**

[buffyversefanfiction]

Tristan Tormented

Warning: I do not own the rights to the television show Buffy the Vampire Slayer, its spin-off series Angel, its dark horse comics continuation series, or any of the characters created by Joss Whedon and others in the Buffyverse. 15 years +, Mild to Strong Violence, Sexual References, Suicidal Thoughts which may be potentially triggering. F/F, F/M, M/M, Other +

Volume 7 - Shadow Self (Part One)

“Mandi,” A traumatized Tristan spoke as the body of his childhood friend Mandi lay on a rustic prison like bed within the abandoned hospital that he, Faith and Angel had just sneaked into hoping to save the witch whose corpse was now laying there on the bed with the clear signs of a broken neck. “Mandi…” Still clearly in shock Tristan rushed over to Mandi’s body quickly holding her in his arms before shaking her as he repeatedly shouted her name, growing more and more frantic before he let out a heartbroken scream as he hugged the witch’s lifeless body and sobbed for the loss of his former best friend. He continued to hug her tighter and tighter sobbing more and more before gently placing her body back down on the bed and gently closing her eyes with the softest touch of his hands as he just stood looking at her body, knowing she was gone and had be for some time now. “She didn’t make a sound except for the sound of her neck breaking…and then she was gone just like that.” Drusilla cruelly taunted him as she opened the door and walked into the room, thrilled to see Tristan devastated by a death she had caused. “This reminds me of the day we first met…only you were innocent back then, not so much now! In fact, her blood is as much on your hands as it was on mine.” “You ruthless bitch!” Tristan screamed at his sire before launching himself at her, throwing punch after punch across Drusilla’s face before his eyes suddenly went jet black and a shadow like smoke launched itself out from both his hands attacking Drusilla instantly and throwing her through a wall only for the smoke to disappear straight afterwards, along with Tristan’s eyes returning to normal. Tristan had no idea what had just happened or how it happened and he did not care because now he had the upper hand and he was ready to take out the evil vampire once and for all as he climbed through the decaying wall in which Drusilla was thrown through and into another room filled with empty and rotting hospital beds as Drusilla began to slowly stand back up, clearly wounded from the shock attack. “I was ready to punish you like I did the witch but there’s still hope for a mother son reunion after all.” Drusilla said gleefully, seemingly knowing more about what had just happened than what Tristan did. “I am going to kill you!” Tristan said emotionless as his eyes returned to their jet-black color before he began walking towards Drusilla. “The shadow demon is a little stronger in you now,” Drusilla cackled with excitement. “You may have kept your soul, but you awakened something far more powerful something deep within the creation of the first slayer.” “What the hell are you talking about?” Tristan asked as he stopped walking towards Drusilla, his eyes once again returning to their normal color. “That darkness inside you feel now more than ever is that of the shadow demon’s heart soul and spirit.” Drusilla informed him, continuing to laugh manically. delighted with what she had found out. “The reason you have a soul is because it’s the demon’s soul.” “No that’s not true!” Tristan shouted as he launched another punch across Drusilla’s face furiously. “I’ve faced my darkness; I’ve defeated it and now I am going to defeat you.” “Oh, my darling boy you are more lost now than you ever were but soon you will be found.” Drusilla stated, “But until then I am going to have to say goodbye.” Before Tristan could ask anymore questions Drusilla ran towards the nearby window and threw herself through the already have broken glass, breaking off what remained as she jumped downwards to her escape and instead of following her, instead of seeking the revenge he now craved more than ever he just stood there frozen in the revelation. Tristan had believed his soul remained because there was good in him because he was good underneath all his monstrous acts but now Drusilla’s theory suggested something else, if anything that she was saying was true.

Tristan never got his revenge on Drusilla neither did he, Faith or Spike manage to save Mandi and the guilt quickly began to eat away at the demonic slayer growing more and more as each day and night went by. They may have left the woods and the abandoned hospital behind to return to New York but once again that place had a killer hold on Tristan. Tristan tried his best to mask his grief over Mandi’s death as he continued to work at the bar he shared with Faith but every time he found himself alone at night struggling to sleep and when he did he had the recurring nightmare of finding Mandi on repeat in his dreams, forcing him away, shaken and torn, as if he was reliving her death every single time he closed his eyes. One of those painful sleep cycles started just like they always did and ended with Tristan once again waking up with a scream as he popped up in his bed within his bedroom located above the bar but this time his scream sounded like a banshee’s wail, piercing the air so violently that the glass on the window completely shattered only adding to the look of horror on Tristan’s face as Faith came running in, ready to slay whatever made that noise. “Tristan…are you okay?” Faith asked, noticing from the look of terror on Tristan’s face that the demonic slayer was anything but okay before looking over at the broken window. “What the hell did that?” “She did!” Tristan said, struggling to get the words out, his voice sounding shaken and traumatized. “She’s haunting me, she wants revenge!” “Tristan, I do not think this is Mandi,” Faith replied as she began walking over to Tristan’s bed before sitting down on the end of the bed. “She wouldn’t do this; something clearly did but I do not think it was her.” “I keep seeing her everywhere she is haunting me, and I cannot pretend I am okay anymore.” Tristan cried. “I deserve this! I deserve it all, I just wish she would kill me already and have it over with.” “This is not Mandi!” Faith told him before reaching out her hand to touch Tristan’s shoulder, attempting to comfort him, only to be surprised when he did not strong off her hand. “What happened to her was on Drusilla not you, we tried to save her we were just too late!” “If I hadn’t killed Lucas, she would not have been alone for Drusilla to strike,” Tristan said as he broke down and began sobbing. “If I never introduced her to Drusilla, she would never have targeted her in the first place…all of this is on me! I do not deserve to be the one alive she was the good one, Drusilla should have killed her not me.” “Hey, do not speak like that Tristan do not ever speak like that!” Faith demanded before pulling a sobbing Tristan over to her as she hugged him tightly in her arms, desperate to make her friend’s pain go away, knowing that pain all too well herself. “We will find out what is doing this then we will kill it you will never speak like this again alright.” Faith had no idea what had happened that night but she did not feel like it was the spirit of the recently deceased witch however one thing she was certain of was Tristan was seriously slipping as he continued to mourn his childhood friend. She had hoped that once he broke down a little, he would feel better but this was the kind of breakdown that if she did not intervene straight away would wind up with him in the loony bin or worse dead. Faith was no stranger to the road to redemption or the dark thoughts that lurked it’s way in along the journey but she also knew when it came to pep talks and life changing hugs Buffy and Angel had her beat time and time again which meant getting them to come to New York to help their son through this giving her the free time to work out if he was really being haunted or if there was something else behind the breaking of the windows.

Buffy Summers had not seen her son in well over a year not being able to erase the memory of Tristan climbing out of his own grave from her mind which was a triggering image not only for how she felt over her son but because she had an eerily similar grave encounter of her own. Buffy never meant for it to be so long before seeing her son again but she was convinced he had to focus on his own redemption without dealing with the extra baggage that Buffy and Angel had become to their own child due to no fault of their own. She knew he needed his time to find himself again after the many toxic twists in his life or at least that is what she had let herself believe until she had got a phone call from Faith who told her of Mandi’s untimely death and how badly it had effected Tristan and how he believed he was being haunted by her spirit. Whether he was or was not being haunted by her ghost was something for them all to later investigate but right now more than ever Tristan needed his parents, the only problem was his parents had never really got the chance to be his parents especially Buffy who had no contact with him for over a year. “I packed a present, a present, like hey your friend’s dead but it is okay because I got you this cool gift!” Buffy rambled as she took a present out of her bag which was placed on her bed in the room of her San Francisco apartment that she shared with Willow, before throwing the present onto the other end of her bed. “I should be better at this, I’ve lost people, I lose people all the time.” “This is not a grieving thing it is a mum thing,” Willow told her after walking into Buffy’s room. “It’s nobody’s fault but your new to the mum thing and this is your chance to be there for him without you know him trying to kill you.” “Hey, we do not know for sure he is not going to want to kill me once he sees me again.” Buffy joked, before realizing. “Oh god, we do not know if he is going to want to kill me again!” “Drusilla did a number on Tristan and by number I mean a brainwash of the nuttiest kind coming from the nuttiest vampire we’ve ever come across but he spent time with Angel and Faith seems to have really bonded with him, not in a motherly way more like a sister brother thing which is weird considering he’s technically only a few years old.” Willow replied, trying to reassure her best friend. “Gosh, Tristan makes Dawn’s existence a lot less confusing, well until you start going into what she was before human…” “Willow, your rambling, your meant to be pep talking and your rambling.” Buffy laughed at the redheaded witch. “I kind of need reassurance right now!” “Do you want me to come with?” Willow asked, eager to help the slayer in anyway, as always. “I can be ready in five!” “I do not think showing up with my witch bestie to my son who just lost his witch bestie is a good idea, besides I’d just rely on you too much and I need to do this mother to son, who is only a few years younger than me which is weird because he is meant to be a few years old.” Buffy answered, before realizing what she was doing. “Okay I am rambling again, I need to get to packing and then going!”

Tristan walked down the stairs of his apartment, which led to the backroom to his pub Rogue’s, before continuing to walk through to the front of the bar, clearly exhausted from his lack of sleep due to the nightmares he was having only to be left shocked to see Angel sat on a stool at the bar counter looking like he had been there for some time, waiting for his son to come downstairs. “What are you doing here?” Tristan asked abruptly. “I’ve not been killing anybody…not been helping anybody either but still I do not need locking up this time around.” “Tristan, I know we focused heavily on your redemption when you were in Los Angeles with me but that does not mean I’m your sober coach so to speak.” Angel replied, before reluctantly asking. “You are still on pig’s blood, right?” “I upgraded to blood bags that I steal from the hospital,” Tristan answered him with a laugh, knowing Angel had to ask despite not wanting to. “Stealing makes me feel like I have not reverted back into the total nerd I used to be but no nobody gets killed!” “You were a nerd?” Angel responded with a laugh. “I cannot picture that.” “Big time, getting good grades were everything to me well that a boy who used me like a fool and of course my bestie…Mandi.” Tristan admitted before realizing halfway through his words that Mandi was dead, causing his face to drop with a sigh of sadness. “That’s why I’m here son…” Angel announced as he stood up to be eye level with his child. “Faith told me about your friend, and I want to be here for you.” “You called me son…I am not your son my father died a long time ago; you are not him!” Tristan snapped, lashing out because it was easier than breaking down. “And Faith had no right talking to you behind my back.” “It was not like that I promise, you do not have to get defensive about being in pain it is okay to be hurting Tristan.” Angel tried to convince his second son, eager to get through to him. “I cannot imagine all the things that must have happened to cause you to close up like this, but it is not healthy pretending not to feel especially when your grieving.” “Look I was not down for the preaching from you or Giles when I was in L.A. and I am sure as hell not down for it now and no you have no damn idea what I have been through so you have no right to tell me how to feel or how to react to how I feel.” Tristan shouted, letting his anger out which instantly started to make him feel better. “You did not kill Mandi or your parents, Dru did just like I killed her, just like I killed my own.” Angel admitted to Tristan painfully, shocking his son by the revelation Angel killed his own family, one of the things Drusilla never told him. “I know what it is like to carry the guilt of killing your family because I actually did…you did not!” “You killed your parents…” Tristan said in shock. “It was after I was turned when I was Angelus, there is a lot of monstrous things I did back then that I can never fully redeem myself for and I know you get that feeling but you do not have to redeem yourself for your parents or Mandi.” Angel explained to him, noticing tears forming in Tristan’s eyes, believing he was getting through to his son. “You had no soul back then; you are not the same person you were then.” Tristan told him, trying to make his father feel better, before reluctantly admitting. “I actually think your one of the best people I know…these days.” “Wow, I think that was close to a compliment, the closest you probably get.” Angel joked as the father and son shared a short laugh. “Look I just want to be there for you, and I hear Rogue’s might be haunted…” “Is there nothing Faith does not tell you?” Tristan asked, not realizing just how much Angel and Faith still talked. “I’ve dealt with a lot of ghosts,” Angel said, making his expertise known. “What do you say to some back up on this ghost hunt?” “I guess a séance between two people would probably not be the best.” Tristan agreed, secretly happy to have his father’s help. “I’ll get Faith to see if Spike is still in New York so we can get the numbers up to at least four.” “Spike?” Angel asked, clearly unamused by the mention of his frenemy’s name. “What is Spike doing here in New York? What is he still doing here?” “Yeah Faith said you guys weren’t exactly tight.” Tristan laughed. “Guess you and I have something in common in that sense!” Angel and Spike had a lot of jealousy shared equally between the both of them often competing with the other and it did not help they both shared a great love for Buffy Summers so hearing that his son Tristan was not fond of Spike was an instant relief to Angel. For a moment he feared Spike would have a closer bond to his son than he did but Tristan had quickly reassured him, the only problem now for Angel was the curiosity to how tight Spike and Faith were now, although he would never want to admit that of course. Centuries long jealousy aside Angel was here for his son and for his son he would be even if that meant playing nice with Spike to talk to spirits with Faith and Tristan to find out if Mandi was really haunting Rogue’s or if something else sinister was targeting his son.

TO BE CONTINUED…

[recentanimenews]

The GGK Project, Part 1: The Fionavar Tapestry

For over a decade, I would’ve named Guy Gavriel Kay as my favorite author. And yet, I have never reviewed any of his books here. Having failed to love The Last Light of the Sun when I read it back in 2004, I think my enthusiasm for him just waned, and though I bought his subsequent novels, I hadn’t felt particularly compelled to read them. Now, though, I am determined to tackle GGK’s full bibliography, from old favorites that I’ve reread before (like my most-beloved The Lions of Al-Rassan) to one that I somehow only read the once when it came out twenty-four years ago (A Song for Arbonne) to the newer books I haven’t yet read. But I will start, as is customary, with the very beginning.

When Jordan moved in across the street from me in the late ’80s, she really did influence my life in some significant ways, not the least of which was introducing me to “GGK” through his first series, The Fionavar Tapestry. My love was deep and abiding and, because of that, I definitely had some trepidation about revisiting the trilogy. My genre preferences have evolved over the years, for one thing, and I no longer read as much fantasy as I used to. More, though, I remember this as the first series to make me cry my eyes out. Would it still have the same effect on me after all this time? As it happens, I shouldn’t have worried, because now I apparently get verklempt at the drop of a hat.

Spoilers ahead.

The Summer Tree We begin with a conference at the University of Toronto where a group of five students is invited to meet afterwards with one of the lecturers. To their surprise, he reveals himself to be a mage named Loren Silvercloak from a world called Fionavar, sent to bring guests from our world to a festival for the High King of Brennin. What he doesn’t reveal, while feeling guilty for the deception, is the fact that Brennin is in turmoil (a punishing and unnatural drought, an ailing and elderly king, the return of some nasty creatures, an evil god imprisoned under a mountain…) and that he feels they are needed there somehow.

The five quickly decide to take Loren up on his offer and the story’s scope widens considerably once they arrive in Fionavar. In addition to meeting one of my favorite fictional characters ever, seemingly frivolous Prince Diarmuid (more on him later), the Canadians are swiftly swept up in events, changed by their experiences as they discover individual destinies even Loren had no inkling of.

Perceptive Kimberly Ford, for example, becomes the new Seer of Brennin, inheriting the knowledge of her predecessor and destined to be the one to call “The Warrior.” Witty Kevin Laine is accepted as part of Diarmuid’s band of men, though there is more to come for him down the road. Paul Schafer is grappling with tremendous guilt after surviving a car accident that killed the woman he loved, yet an experience in Fionavar allows him to finally see that it wasn’t his fault. Emotionally guarded Dave Martyniuk finds a place he belongs among the Dalrei, the nomadic hunters of the plains, and begins to open up to friendship. And Jennifer Lowell, proud and reserved, yet not unkind, is captured by the evil god (Rakoth Maugrim) and mentally and physically violated before Kimberly is able to rescue her.

I admit Jennifer’s fate does trouble me a little. Of the five, she probably receives the least attention in this first installment before undergoing a terrible ordeal at the end. Rakoth has already issued a dramatic proclamation of his freedom and war is at hand by the time her friends learn of her fate, so it’s not as though her rape is solely responsible for spurring them into action, but they are extra motivated because of it. I do still think, though, that this plotline is ultimately about Jennifer and the choices she will make going forward.

Lastly, I’ll note that Guy Gavriel Kay’s writing style might not be for everyone. Occasionally it can be portentous, namedropping legendary figures, and maybe a little too poetic at times, but overall I still love the wistful, languid, and bittersweet feeling of his prose. There’s so much emphasis on what events mean to the characters that I got sniffly over and over again. (I found Dave’s arc especially moving.) At this rate, I will be a puddle by the third book!

The Wandering Fire Although there are many important things that happen in The Wandering Fire, I think what I like best is the continuing character development for the five Canadians. This time, it’s Kim whom we don’t see very much of, and that’s honestly fine by me, since she had so much of the focus the first time around. We spend a lot of time with Paul, whose survival of the summer tree has given him the ability to compel the lesser gods of Fionavar, and with Dave and Jennifer, too. (And I am indeed happy to report that she ends the volume much stronger for having endured all that she has been through.) But shining above all of them is Kevin.

After Kim brought them home at the end of The Summer Tree and everyone saw what had been done to Jennifer, Kevin declared, “To this I will make reply, although he be a god and it mean my death.” When they returned to Fionavar, however, and he saw how effective Dave was in battle, how everyone else had something to contribute, he felt terribly useless and bitterly derided himself for his proclamation. And then he accompanies a group on a journey to the territory of Dana, the goddess, to try to discover how Rakoth Maugrim has caused the unnatural winter that plagues Fionavar. There, he awakens to his fate as Liadon, lover and sacrifice to the goddess. It is fitting that when Paul went willingly to the tree, he needed to properly grieve the loss of the woman he had loved, and thus brought rain, and now bright and warm Kevin is the one responsible for bringing spring. It’s not his death that makes me sniffle, but the fact that he found the thing he was meant to do, and struck an enormous blow against the dark in the process. He was very far from useless.

So, too, do I love the reactions of the others to what has happened to Kevin, especially Dave, who mourns Kevin, with whom he never got along in school, to a degree that surprises him. I like to think his grief was colored with regret for so much time wasted when they could’ve been friends. My one complaint, though, is that we never see inside Diarmuid’s head. He liked Kevin, and we can tell he is upset, but we are not privy to his thoughts, nor indeed to the love he evidently discovered he feels toward Sharra, to whom he proposes. Every time Diarmuid does something brilliant and brave, which is often, my heart swells a bit with love of him, but he still remains somewhat of an enigma. The same is true for his brother Aileron, actually. For the most part, we follow the points of view of outsiders.

There’s more sorrow yet to come in the final volume, and I must ready myself to face it.

The Darkest Road

In this concluding volume of the trilogy, the armies of the Light and the Dark have their final confrontation. Our heroes taste defeat, bittersweet victory, loss, glory, and pain. I am pretty sure this was the first book to ever make me cry my eyes out over a beloved character’s death, and it did so again this time. Hiding his serious hatred of the Dark under a flippant facade, Diarmuid is the first of two characters to willingly sustain a killing blow in order to deliver one. The way Kay describes this scene playing out is so cinematic, I’m left desperately hoping this’ll be the next fantasy epic to be adapted for television.

Contrasting Diarmuid’s end, where he passes surrounded by loved ones and is given a proper farewell (another vivid image is Aileron, devasted by grief, cradling his brother’s body to his chest as he carries him from the field of battle), poor Darien dies alone and uncomforted in Maugrim’s crumbling fortress, never knowing whether anyone will know what he achieved. Thankfully, they do know and the bravery of his deeds and the choice he made is celebrated in song.

Revisiting this series as an older, more attentive, reader has been an interesting experience. Only at the very, very last do we get a glimpse inside Diarmuid’s head. I doubt younger me even noticed that. Nor, I think, did I notice that alongside the three central Arthurian figures reliving their fate, another takes the part of the Lady of Shalott. Lastly, and most significantly, I have a greater appreciation for the statement Kay is making about free will. Obviously, the roles some characters play are tied to destiny, but the importance of Darien’s freedom to choose between the Light and the Dark is repeatedly emphasized, Paul chose to take the king’s place on the summer tree, Jennifer chose to have Darien and refuses to attempt to influence his decision, Diarmuid chooses to take on an impossible foe, Kim chooses not to conscript an ancient power that would surely have been an advantage, and more. I hope that I will find more to love about Kay’s other works—maybe I’ll even like The Last Light of the Sun more next time!

Stay tuned.

By: Michelle Smith