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moosekateer13 · 1 year

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Chapter 7: That Won't Save Us

3 months later...

Not closer to figuring out where he is. Joe has been leaving gruesome items on my house’s doorstep. That includes his toes. Utterly disgusting. When Sam saw all the items he muttered under his breath “Do you know how much I love you?” “Who do you want dead this time?” It scared me slightly because I know he wasn’t kidding. Sam doesn’t think I heard him but I did. He knows I am already afraid he doesn’t want to scare me further at the thought of him going to jail.

I’m headed home after a long day of work. It was busy today with many people buying books. It’s become quite busy lately. With the cafe taking off more people have been visiting the store too. A local celebrity posted about it.

I’m headed home after a long day of work. It was busy today with a lot of people buying books. It’s become quite busy lately. With the cafe taking off more people have been visiting the store too. A local celebrity posted about it.

Sam and Eden couldn’t take me home today since they both had to work late. So I’m taking public transit. I gave my bodyguard the rest of the day off. Not that far of the trip back to Sam’s. So I figured I’d be fine for my trip home. I anxiously fiddle with the belt on my trench coat as I wait for the bus. I see an eerie figure out of the corner of my eye.

Joe with that all too familiar menacing look in his eyes. He stalks towards me.

“Y/N, Y/N you shouldn’t go anywhere by yourself.” Joe taunted.

“How did you even know I was in Austin?” I asked.

“Your friend Wysteria Riddle has been following your socials. She told me where you were.” Joe said.

That bitch we had a following out in college. We were both taking literature. I was going through a hard time keeping up with things. When I needed her, she left me behind. I did nothing to her so I can’t understand why she’s done this.

“She had no reason to rat me out. I did nothing to her,” I replied.

“Pure jealousy. You had everything she didn’t family, friends and talent. Now you have Sam and Eden an extra slice of good. Wysteria wanted to pay back for that. When she heard I was looking for you. She gave me the information I needed. Of course, she doesn’t know I want to kill you. All she thinks of is a weepy guy wanting his love back. Wy thinks you dumped me for no reason.” Joe said.

After he finishes his nonsense, he lunges for me. Joe failed to notice that I had grabbed my gun out of my purse. I don’t hesitate and shoot both of his legs causing him to face-plant. A few months ago, I registered for a gun. I refused to be his next victim.

With the police station just around the corner. Sirens come almost immediately.

John rushes over to me.

“Thank god you’re safe Y/N. It was still dangerous for you to give your bodyguard the day off.” I quickly give him my statement.

That’s when Sam suddenly comes around. How the hell did he get here so fast?

“Hummingbird I am so glad you are okay. It scared the shit out when dad called and told me.” Sam said.

He eagerly takes me into his arms. I sobbed into his shoulder. I feel relieved that all of this is over. Joe while no doubt will be serving several life sentences

Dean has also arrived so has Eden. Mary is even here.

“Okay, guys let’s not smother her she’s overwhelmed. Let's get her home,” Sam said.

He picks me up and puts me in the back seat of his car. Sam gets in the other side. John drives us back to Sam’s place. Dean, Mary and Eden are following behind us in Dean’s impala.

When we arrive back my parents are there. Along with my friends, Chelsea, Alicia, Noe and Cole. They all hug me. Then we have dinner my mom made. It’s sort of like a celebration dinner that this entire ordeal is over.

Epilogue

#that won't save us #sam winchester x reader #former! joe goldberg x reader #“Do you know how much I love you?” “Who do you want dead this time?”#tell me story bingo #supernatural fanfiction #moosekateer13 #Angst #Attempted murder #mention of murder #Attempted kidnapping #Fluff #Smut

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ririsann · 3 years

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Hi! I hope you're doing well~ I love the way you write and was hoping to get a request in!

But if it's okay, can I request the boys (Mikey, Draken, Chifuyu, Baji) finding out about a crossdressing reader? Specifically one where reader has been a part of the Toman Gang and doesn't speak too much. The guys assume her gender (Because of the way she dresses and her lack of speech) and one day she starts speaking and a rather feminine voice comes out from her mouth and the guys are just stunned.

I'm basing this scenario off of This Video! https://youtu.be/RJCFgnSkbP0

Anyways, take your time and make sure to stay safe and healthy ✌

「 𝐟𝐨𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐚 」

the boys falling in love with a crossdresser.

𝐏𝐓 𝟏 ; 𝐏𝐓 𝟐 ; 𝐏𝐓 𝟑

𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠... ryuuguuji “draken” ken, sano “mikey” manjirou x f!reader

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 - SUPER LONG (wc: 1961), violence, spoilers- draken (after valhalla, not much tho), mikey (~190+/final arc/2008 IM SORRY)

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 - i split this into 2 parts bc it got rlly long!! pt2 coming soon HI ANON I LOVE U AND THIS PROMPT (and gin WOWIE) currently shaking im so excited I GOT THIS ON VACATION AND I ALMOST SCREAMED ON PUBLIC TRANSIT... all scenarios r diff bc i didnt know how to format it whoops haha long post but yes haha i loved writing this so much i want more of it 　⊳　tbh im pretty unsatisfied with mikey’s because its cheesy as hell and i just dont think it’s that great haha i might make a different one another time but for now its pretty bland :/

𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐍 thought that you were badass as hell. more or less you made more of the plans instead of fought, but when you did fight you kicked ass. smart AND strong, what a combo.

though you didn’t talk much, he started to take a liking to you. too much of a liking. let’s just say that he had too many sleepless nights of thinking about his sexuality.

“(y/n), why don’t you talk? it’s kinda boring, ya know,” mikey asks. you shrug, not really having a real reason for being silent. but honestly, being quiet was nice. you didn’t have to get into any real drama or fights because you said something wrong since you literally don’t say anything.

“well, whatever. kenchin, wanna go get dorayaki?” the taller blond grunts in agreement.

“seeya, (y/n). meeting’s at 10 tonight.” the duo wave at you while they leave to go to terrorize some store with the sheer amount of dorayaki they were gonna buy.

you sigh. finally, some alone time. outside of school and touman, you really liked to sing. not really a loud belt, but more of a hum. you really like humming, it was nice. and it allowed you to use your voice for once since you also didn’t talk much at school.

it was currently only 5 pm, so you had a good four and a half hours until you had to show up to the shrine for the meeting. not like there was much for there to discuss, since there shouldn’t have been any big fights going on any soon.

～　龍宮寺堅　～

9:45 pm. your fifth division was pretty boring, other than the fact that sanzu was being a little more talkative than usual, so you went over to the first division with chifuyu and hanagaki. they didn’t really care that you didn’t talk much, though they were curious about you.

“oh, (y/n)-san, hey! how are you?” you nod and smile, showing that you were in a better mood than usual. you point to him. most of touman knew your body language at this point.

“that’s good! i’m doing well too!” you charade a laugh and look over your shoulder to see your own captain looming over you. not menacingly, since he knew that you were unexplainably important to touman, but like he was calling you for a while and he was losing a bit of patience.

“(y/n), we have stuff to talk about; me, you, and haruchiyo.” you nod and wave a goodbye to the first divison while catching up with mucho.

“we need you to look into a few people, but that’ll be a physical job that haruchiyo’ll help you with.” you raise an eyebrow, skeptical of your captain’s plans. you wondered if mikey knew about this. nevertheless, you nodded along.

“show up at the warehouse near the convenience store oh the fifth block to the east from here. wednesday 9 pm sharp.” you nod along with your pink-haired vice-captain.

before you could get the chance to go back to chifuyu and hanagaki, the revving of motorbikes stopped you. everyone rushed into untidy lines by division. you spaced out for the majority of the meeting, safe to say.

～　龍宮寺堅　～

wednesday, 8:58 pm.

you and sanzu both showed up at the warehouse that was mentioned the other night from your captain, though he was still nowhere to be seen. you look at your vice-captain, questioning if he knew anything. he was also quite quiet, so he simply shook his head “no” and continued to be on the lookout.

you ruffle your hair. you cut your hair pretty often, and pretty short too. i guess it gave some kind of illusion that you were a dude, which you were pretty sure that everyone in touman was convinced that you were [a dude].

“well, well, well, who’s this?” you hear an unfamiliar voice from behind you. you spin around to see a masked man who felt like they were 10 times your height. sanzu was also on high alert, hearing the voice.

you would never admit it, but you were trembling. absolutely terrified. was this an ambush??

“not gonna reply? alright, we’ll play this the hard way.” the man grabs your wrist and holds onto it hard. you were sure that it was bruising right in that moment. you try to kick him, but he just catches your ankle with his other hand.

sanzu tried to help you, though he was now occupied with more men that had tried to jump him. sucks that the both of you weren’t vocal in the slightest, or a lot of screaming and shouting would’ve been happening.

a few shouts from the masked man and his lackeys seemed to reach a certain brothel nearby. it also happened to catch the attention of a certain vice-president.

the aforementioned vice-president took off running from his place, because his sense of justice was really high that night for some reason. he found it kinda strange, since he technically didn’t care about what was happening but just had a really bad feeling about it.

“hey, say something, pussy. too scared to say anything?” the man smirks and throws you across the concrete, gaining a small grunt from you. you were thankful for the hoodie you were wearing, though it now had tears in the back.

he walks over to you, his face saying “you’re gonna have the biggest beatdown in your life right here.” you weren’t really scared of him anymore, but your physical attention was more on sanzu and thoughts went to where your captain went.

you got kicked, skidding across the ground again. and again, and again. you were pretty sure that you had a few broken ribs at this point. he kneels down to your beaten body, preparing to punch you, assumingly over and over again, but hesitates as you flinch. the smirk on his face fades.

“what a puny fifth division.” he lowers his fist. “wouldn’t hurt if i just killed you right here.” he stands up, raising his foot over your head.

“any last words?”

you were close to unconsciousness, but you look up and see a figure running towards your aggressor. they were blurry, but you could tell that it was your gang’s vice-president.

before the masked man could say anything else, a forceful punch hit him in the back of the skull.

your eyes felt like lead. but you wouldn’t dare close them, because who knows, you were on the verge of death at that moment. closing them meant that you gave up, and in turn you gave up your life.

the rest of the fight was a blur. you assumed when the noise died down draken won and sanzu was safe. a familiar head that was half shaven, half blond picked your limp body up.

“(y/n)!? can you hear me??”

“i hear ya, ken.” you barely vocalize. your entire body was sore, so your usual body language was out of the question.

he was shocked to hear your voice. he thought that it would be deeper, more masculine, and a bit breathy from the lack of exercise it got, but it happened to be really smooth and a much higher pitch than he expected.

“we’ll get you to the hospital, just hang on tight.”

“i’m not sure if i can hang on for that long, ken. my ribs are broken,” you explain. “i’m probably bleeding internally right now--”

“stop talking, you’ll make it. i’ll make you make it.”

the next thing you know, the feeling of wind flows through your freshly cut hair and your face was snuggled into the neck of your saviour as he dashed towards the nearest hospital.

“thank you for being here, ken,” you breathed out. “i love you.”

you fell limp on his back. he continued to run, tears obscuring his vision.

“i love you too, (y/n).”

𝐌𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐘 didn’t really care that you didn’t talk. if anything, he kinda appreciated it sometimes. touman could get really rowdy at the wrong time for him so he would go and confide in you.

he was one of the only people to be fully fluent in your body language, alongside the captains, draken, and you family and a few closer friends. many times he would communicate with you in class when he wasn’t sleeping like this. (not like the teachers could do anything - they were too scared to talk back to mikey.)

when he came up to you one day and asked “why don’t you speak?”, you simply shrugged your shoulders and headed off to your next class. there was no real reason for you to not talk, but also no real reason for you to talk either. why communicate when you could just exist? or be an enigma, either one work.

he never asked again since you were unwilling to share your deepest secret (aka your voice).

　～　佐野万次郎　～

“how many years has it been since emma and izana died?”

you held up 2 fingers. it had been only 2 years since the disbandment of touman, and both you and mikey were executives of his new gang, kanto manjikai*.

*i believe it would be kanto manji gang, since the “kai” means gang but i’m not sure if people actually call it that so kanto manjikai it is!!

he puffed and laid back onto the roof of the building the two of you were on. despite it only being two years, it felt like forever ago.

making a new gang with who was at the previous top was easy, though going through the problems of every other gang was quite... annoying. it was no problem for mikey, of course, just a waste of time.

as you ticked your tongue to the beat of a faint song from a club nearby, you watched the sky for anything special tonight. as per usual, nothing happens. you’re not sure what to expect to be in the sky, especially with all of the light pollution in tokyo.

“why do you stick with me?”

you turn your head to the boy and stop clicking your tongue.

“why do you stick with me, (y/n)? you willingly stay by my side when we both know that you’re gonna get hurt one day because of me.”

you sigh and look back up into the night.

“...because i love you,” you mumble. how embarrassing. your first words after not speaking for several years were “because i love you.”

mikey gave you a puzzled look. you couldn’t see it, but you could just tell. he was shocked, surprised, confused, and even more.

for one, you talked to him for the first time in what? three or so years?

“are you--”

“yeah. i’m a girl.” you laugh. you’re not sure why, but you did. “surprised, are ya?”

your voice was sore even after speaking just a few words. i guess you should’ve been doing vocal exercises at home after all, huh. well, it wasn’t like you were planning on speaking more anyways.

a comfortable silence was welcomed as the blond processed all of the information and you quietly hummed to yourself.

you turned back when you heard the rustling of clothes behind you where mikey was.

“where are you going?”

“let’s go out for a ride. we can get dorayaki.” he starts to walk off to the stairway, leaving you.

you run to go catch up to him, almost tripping down the stairs.

“mikey, is this your way of asking me on a date?” your voice echoed throughout the hollow stairway.

you couldn’t hear a verbal answer, though you did hear his footsteps coming to a halt.

“take is as you will. afterall, you’re still my righthand girl (y/n).”

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jayeray-hq · 4 years

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How He Shows You Affection: Sakusa Kiyoomi

Timeskip/Manga Spoilers

Warnings: mentions of phobia and panic attacks, barely hinted NSFW

How He Shows You Affection Masterlist - Character Masterlist

Big thanks to the amazing Tay from Haikyuu Headquarters @deathcab4daddy who beta read for me, and told me to tag @dymphnasprose in this!

He Takes the Hardest Chores

You and Sakusa stared in muted horror at the mess that had once been your immaculate kitchen. The whole thing had started that morning when you’d noticed water leaking from under your sink as you were getting ready to go to work. Sakusa had already left for practice, so you’d been forced to stay behind and call into work late as you tried to get ahold of your apartment management and maintenance people.

You’d managed to get a large bucket under it, and had been assured by management that it would be taken care of. Thus, you’d left for work, though not before leaving a message for your germophobic boyfriend who would definitely need to know, that not only had a pipe under the sink leaked, but that you’d had to let someone into the apartment so they could fix it.

Naturally he hated whenever anyone he didn’t know intruded on his space, it made him incredibly antsy and anxious, which in turn made him act incredibly grumpy, not that you could blame him. You understood his fear was just that, a fear, and you did your best to understand and accommodate, the same way he did his best to never lash out at you and work through his fear.

Thus, you’d known without having to say that you’d probably have to do a deep clean of your apartment when you got home from work and he got home from practice, in order for him to feel safe again. You were more than prepared for it, and had even stopped at the store to pick up a couple refills for cleaning supplies you thought you might’ve been running low on in his favorite brands.

The small detour had meant you arrived home at the same time he did, and though he didn’t look happy at all, he had brightened a bit and even given you a masked kiss to the cheek in greeting when he saw you carrying your supplies. However, you were fairly sure that little bit of good mood had plummeted the minute the two of you had laid eyes on the kitchen.

Management had called you while you were at work to assure you everything was fixed, but had warned you that it wasn’t their job to clean up the mess. You’d acknowledged that, it was actually written into your contract with the apartment complex and had been one of the terms your boyfriend had been incredibly insistent about as he wanted absolutely no one in your apartment cleaning without permission.

However, you couldn’t help the swell of indignation in your chest as you stared at the brackish puddles of water, and clear muddy shoe prints all over the nice hardwood, along with the standing buckets of water, your nice kitchen rugs clearly left to soak in the disgusting mire on your floor. Yes, you’d agreed to do the clean-up, but at the very least they could’ve told you how bad it was, and whoever the repair person had been, could’ve cleaned up after themselves, which they obviously hadn’t if the black handprints on your sink and some of your cupboards meant anything. That wasn’t even touching on the smell, which wreaked of rotten things.

If you’d known about this you would’ve left work early to come home to try to clean things up, that or you never would’ve left in the first place in order to keep an eye on things. As it was, it was very clear to you that several things were ruined and would have to be thrown out, and the whole place aired out.

A quick glance at your boyfriend showed that he’d gone very white behind his mask, his eyes fixated on the mess, his breathing a little shallow, in a way that made you worry he was about to start hyperventilating.

“Kiyoomi?” you prompted gently, wondering if you needed to gently guide him away, get him out of the apartment before the whole thing got to be too much and he had a panic attack.

His dark eyes immediately snapped over to you, and he let out a long slow breath, clearly trying to gather himself. You remained quiet, and let him do what he needed to do, knowing better than to touch him in moments like these, as that only made it worse, but also keeping your eyes on his, as he’d told you before that doing that helped keep him grounded.

“Do you need to leave Kiyoomi?” you asked him gently, “You can step out for an hour, go pick up dinner or something and I can get started? It will be better when you get back I promise.”

“No,” he snapped immediately, the tone harsh and vicious enough to make you flinch, your eyes widening a bit in surprise.

“You go get dinner, and I’ll clean this… this… catastrophe,” he ordered a clear grimace of distaste on his face despite the mask he was still wearing, his dark eyes a little wild, clearly unsettled.

“That’s alright Kiyoomi,” you assured him, still gentle, “I don’t mind.”

“I mind,” he informed you, taking several deep breaths and clearly trying to keep himself calm, “I don’t want you to get dirty. You shouldn’t have to touch this disgusting filth.”

Your heart immediately softened despite the clear disgust in his voice. Most people didn’t realize, but Sakusa was actually fairly protective of the people he cared for. It apparently even extended far enough to the point where despite how afraid and disgusted he was he would rather deal with it himself, rather than have you, who he saw as infinitely precious, deal with it.

“You shouldn’t have to deal with it either, Kiyoomi,” you told him, unable to keep the affection from your tone for your boyfriend, who was sweet in his own way, “We’ll do it together alright? And after that we can throw our clothes in the laundry and take a nice clean shower.”

He looked at you, intently for several seconds, clearly wanting to protest, but in the end his shoulders slumped, clearly both relieved and resigned, and the two of you set to work. However, you quickly noticed that despite working together it was very clear he was taking the hardest, grossest parts of your task.

You only tried to protest once, but he refused to listen, giving you a very pointed look that spoke volumes about how very much he didn’t want you to have to touch what he was doing before going back to work. It took the two of you a good couple hours to get everything cleaned to the level that he found acceptable, and by the end both of you were tired, hungry and dirty.

However, as you stepped into the shower, you couldn’t bring yourself to complain or feel unhappy about it, not when he’d clearly gone out of his way to make things easier for you, when he’d tried so very hard to protect you despite his own fears. Instead you felt warm, and incredibly loved, and resolved to use this time before dinner to ensure he felt the same.

He Fusses Over You

“Here,” your boyfriend told you, handing you a small pack of hand sanitizer, clearly never opened, travel sized and ready to go.

“Thanks, Kiyoomi,” you told him with a small amused smile, tucking it into your purse, along with the three other small bottles he’d handed you within the last couple hours.

“Don’t forget you have to use it before and after security,” he told you, his dark brows furrowed with worry, a small crease appearing between the two moles on his forehead as he watched you with concerned dark eyes.

“I will,” you assured him, reaching out carefully, and touching your gloved hands to his. He immediately accepted the touch, twining your fingers together, and squeezing, clearly incredibly anxious.

You knew he absolutely hated when you had to travel, and it was even worse when you had to travel without him. Usually you’d be going with him and the team, but this time work meant you had to leave before he could, the tournament not finished until tomorrow, which meant going on your own. You honestly thought sometimes that he might even hate the fact that you had to travel even more than the fact that he had to travel, especially if you had to take shared transit.

Planes in particular were something he hated with a passion, referring to them as ‘flying petri dishes’ and ‘cesspits of bacteria and disease’ and you on a plane was one of his worst nightmares for that exact reason. It meant he went out of his way to ensure you had everything you might need to keep yourself safe, and always bought you two first class tickets even when he wasn’t travelling with you, so you could have your row of seats all to yourself without fear of contamination.

“You have your extra masks?” he fretted quietly, “And your wipes?”

“I do,” you assured him tenderly, hoping to ease his fears even as your heart melted at how very much he cared and wanted to keep you safe, “And I have extra pairs of gloves, and tissues too.”

“I’ll make sure I decontaminate right away when I get home, and I’ll call you to let you know I’ve gotten there safe alright?” you assured him as the attendant called for boarding.

“Okay,” he told you, releasing a breath that was a bit shaky, as he searched your eyes, “Be safe okay?”

“I will,” you assured him tenderly, a little surprised but not protesting as he gently pressed his forehead to yours, an affectionate gesture the two of you had developed in place of kissing or hugs since he almost always wore a mask in public and didn’t feel comfortable with too much pda.

“I love you,” you told him quietly, “Have a good last game, and I’ll be waiting when you come home.”

“I love you too,” he answered just as quietly, reluctantly letting go of your hands and pulling back, letting you join the queue of people lining up to board.

You gave him one last smile over your shoulder before boarding the plane, taking your seat at the very front and as far from others as you could get. Sitting down with your purse in your lap, you dug through hoping to find your phone to let him know you were seated. You sent him one last I love you text, unable to keep the smile off your lips as you realized he’d somehow managed to sneak one more bottle of hand sanitizer into your purse when you weren’t looking, and unable to feel anything but completely and utterly loved.

He Touches You

You’d known from the beginning that Sakusa was a complete and utter germaphobe, and that a relationship with him wasn’t going to be easy, especially since the thought of touching people skin on skin was something that truly frightened him. A lot of people made jokes about his fear, which always made you frown in disapproval, mostly because while it may seem ridiculous and stupid to them, it was very real to him.

Most people held hands easily after their first date, might even expect to be kissed or hugged, an arm around the waist or shoulders, a gentle hand on their face or arm. That wasn’t you, and with Sakusa you were well aware it would never be you.

It took over a month for Sakusa to feel comfortable holding your hand, and that was only if you were both wearing gloves, and only if you let him know ahead of time that you’d like to do so. Touching him in any way required forethought and clear consent in order to ensure his comfort, and to keep him from panicking.

It was hard, incredibly so, and you inevitably messed up a couple of times, but he always forgave you even when your touch was enough to make him panic or tremble. The same way you always forgave him for hastily dashing to the nearest sink to wash himself clean or pulling out a bottle of hand sanitizer to clean himself off.

However, it was worth it, he was worth it, because you knew how very hard he was working on it, that he didn’t actually think you as a person were disgusting, just the germs you might accidentally carry on your skin, and that he really did want to touch you. He loved you and desperately wanted to give you the things he knew you wanted, so he worked on it, day by day and bit by bit he fought his fears for you.

The day he’d managed to reach for your hand first, with no glove in sight, the skin of his palm against yours and his fingers carefully twining into your grip, you’d nearly cried. You knew how much he’d worked for it, and how much he must love you to manage it, and in turn the gesture had felt incredibly intimate.

Yes, most normal couples would brush it off as something silly, or meaningless, but to the two of you, it meant everything. You knew there would be people who would scoff at your relationship, which moved slower than a snail’s pace, but for the two of you, every step forward was a battle won, every brush of skin on skin without flinching was a triumph and a blatant display of how very much Sakusa loved you.

And you treasured each and every moment of it. After all, who else could say that their boyfriend battled their worst fears just to be with them? Who else had a boyfriend who loved them so much they were willing to do whatever it took to give them what they wanted?

What you had with Sakusa was incredibly intimate and precious, and you didn’t care what anyone else said. It wasn’t your fault they took each and every touch for granted, but looking into his dark eyes, as he gently traced your lips with a bare elegant finger an expression of wonder and deep affection on his face, you promised yourself that you never would.

#sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa love #sakusa fluff #sakusa x y/n #sakusa x reader #sakusa x you #sakusa kiyoomi x you #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa kiyoomi x y/n #haikyuu sakusa #sakusa drabble #sakusa imagines #love sakusa #how he shows you affection #JayeRayWrites #haikyuu!!#haikyu imagines #haikyu fluff #haikyū!!

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nerdypanda3126 · 3 years

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Paper Anniversary

Happy anniversary to the @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers Sprint Fic Challenge!

The rules are three 15-minute sprints with 24 hours for light editing, including adding more writing to smooth transitions. On this one I took 4 sprints and kinda freehanded from there to get to the ending.

And the prompt I used was: Anniversary

Read on Ao3

Marinette woke up only slightly disappointed that Luka wasn’t there next to her.

Well, maybe more than slightly. It was their first anniversary, after all, and part of her had hoped he’d pull some crazy stunt to get home in time but—

It was fine. Really. There’d be plenty of other anniversaries when he wasn’t out there making a name for himself.

She sighed as she rolled over to grab his pillow, intending to snuggle it and hoping that his scent was still lingering on it, but something crinkled under her hand and she was instantly more awake. When she sat up and looked she was holding a slightly crumpled paper crane with what looked like Luka’s handwriting on the wings. But how…?

Her head snapped up to swivel around the room. It was definitely still empty, and when she wandered through the apartment it was still empty, too. A smile started to creep across her face as she gently pried the crane open to reveal his note.

Good morning, gorgeous. Happy anniversary. Did you know the first wedding anniversary is traditionally the paper anniversary? There’s plenty more surprises in store today, so get up and get ready and you’ll find the next one waiting for you in the closet. All my love, Luka

The closet? But there wasn’t anything there last night…

In a daze, she walked back to their closet and opened it to find a delicately folded flower on top of a neatly folded pink dress. Scarcely believing it, she picked up the lotus flower and admired the skill it was made with before she unfolded it.

Couldn’t wait, huh? The note read. She could almost hear his self-satisfied smirk within the words. I’m glad you’re excited but I know you’ll want to look your best today. Get ready and get dressed, love, your next clue is on the way. Love, Luka

Next clue?

How on earth had he managed to set this up? He was halfway across the world by now touring with Jagged and he’d apologized to her—repeatedly—that he couldn’t make it back. She’d assured him it was fine and she understood, which she did. She really did. But then how were these notes appearing like this? Maybe—

Maybe she shouldn’t think about how a Couffaine was accomplishing something like this and do as his note read.

So she did. And she had just slipped on the dress he’d apparently picked out for her and hadn’t even had time to admire the black flowers embroidered around the waist of the gauzy pink fabric before her doorbell rang.

When she opened the door she found a delivery person from her favorite café holding a to-go cup of coffee and a bag. Breakfast. Luka had gotten her breakfast. She could only gape at the poor man trying to transfer everything into her hands.

“Oh, and this,” he said then, drawing an origami box out of his apron pocket that was unmistakably another of Luka’s notes. He smiled and waved before he turned and left her alone to open it.

Somehow she managed to sit at their table before opening the paper box. Inside was a plastic-wrapped chocolate truffle, but no note. At least there wasn’t until she checked the inside of the lid she was still holding.

I have to admit I cheated on this one a bit. But I wanted to make sure you had your favorite breakfast today, plus a little something sweet. When you’ve finished eating (and please eat, my beautiful melody) go to your parents’ house and tell them ‘hi’ from me. Love, Luka

Her smile was going to be permanently stuck on her face after this, she could feel it. As she ate and sipped her coffee, barely registering what it tasted like although it was definitely all of her favorites, she felt almost like he was sitting across from her. He’d be sipping his own coffee and glancing up at her now and then, smiling like he always did when she was eating something she enjoyed. Apparently she had a happy dance, although she’d never noticed doing it. He always did, though.

That was probably the point of this, she realized as she reached across to touch his empty spot. He couldn’t be here, but he wanted to make sure she knew he was thinking of her, wherever he was.

When she’d finished and made her way to the bakery, her dad nearly broke the door bursting through it to greet her with a bear hug. Her mom came out a moment later smiling and holding a bouquet and a note folded into a heart. Marinette barely registered the sweet smelling flowers before she was tearing into the note.

Remember our wedding day? You had plum blossoms in your bouquet for your mom and roses for your dad. And baby’s breath for the future, but we’ll get there eventually, love. There’s one more stop today and then I want you to enjoy the day however makes you happiest. You remember where I proposed? All my love, Luka

She looked up at her parents and they were both grinning. Although her dad was barely holding back happy tears. It reminded her so strongly of the day he walked her down the aisle that she stretched up to press a quick kiss to his cheek before she hugged them both and turned to run for the bridge, her heart pounding, scarcely daring to hope that maybe the last stop, the last surprise, would be her husband waiting for her to wrap her arms around him.

But when she got there, out of breath from the run, the flowers on her arm shaken within an inch of their life, no one was there. The water lapped gently against the embankments and reflected off the underside of the bridge. It was so quiet, and that’s why Luka liked it there. It was his favorite place and when he’d proposed, he’d told her that he’d found a new favorite place by her side. That he wanted to be next to her for the rest of his life if she’d let him.

He said where he’d proposed. There couldn’t possibly be anywhere else—

She gasped when she realized what he meant. Not his official proposal, but the first time he’d told her he’d be happy spending his life with her. A grin stretched across her face before she could stop it. With everything but a ring he’d offered everything he had and she’d kissed him until she couldn’t breathe anymore.

She made her way—slower this time—towards the tree they’d sat under that day. As she did, it all came back to her. How calm and beautiful it had been that day, with a bright blue sky and big fluffy clouds floating by on the breeze. How they’d been lying side by side on their blanket with her head on his shoulder as they pointed out shapes to each other. And how, out of nowhere, he’d turned those eyes on her, as blue as the sky above, so serious, so soft, and told her he wanted this. Just this. With her. For the rest of his life.

As she neared the tree, she didn’t know what to expect and she didn’t want to get her hopes up. But there was a blanket laid out under the tree and a picnic basket. And leaning against the tree was a familiar tall figure. A figure that shrugged off the tree and stood at attention as soon as she came into view. An unmistakable figure with a shock of blue hair stuck up in all the familiar ways.

She was running again before she knew it. The flowers were dropped on the blanket as she flew into Luka’s waiting arms. He was laughing as he hugged her back just as tightly and pressed a kiss to her hair.

“Surprise,” he said quietly, although his voice still rumbled through his chest. She pulled away to look at him, only to bury her face in his shoulder again. He smelled like the stale air of an airplane and hotel soap. But underneath that was his smell. Something she would never be able to describe but would be able to identify in a heartbeat.

When she had finally convinced herself he was real, she pulled away again and swatted his shoulder. “You jerk! I thought you weren’t coming!”

“I wasn’t,” he admitted, still laughing as he pretended to cringe away from her hands. “I had it all set up to take care of you while I was gone, and then Penny pulled some strings and, well, long story short, we have a few hours to kill before I have to get back on another plane.”

He gestured to his set up, and for the first time she noticed a branch of plum blossoms laid on top of the picnic basket. Out of all his origami designs she’d seen that day, this was by far the most elaborate. She bent down to pick it up and examine it more closely, taking his hand as she did and imagining his long fingers making the delicate folds.

"Show me," she said, pushing it into his hands. He seemed stunned for a moment and let out a disbelieving laugh.

"We only have a few hours together on our anniversary and you want me to teach you origami?"

"You're the one who got me all dressed up and brought me somewhere public," she teased him back, stretching to press a kiss to his cheek. She stayed there and tugged him down to whisper in his ear. "And I've been thinking about your hands all day." As she pulled away, she raised her eyebrows suggestively and took an expectant seat next to the picnic basket.

"Please show me?"

He relaxed as understanding dawned on him and he smiled as he took a seat close to her, already unfolding the paper so he could show her how it worked. And as she curled her hand around his arm and leaned her head on his shoulder, listening to his voice and watching his movements, she couldn't help but sigh in absolute contentment.

Just like he’d said that day. All she wanted was this, with him, for the rest of her life, too. And as she looked down at the rings glinting on both of their hands, she couldn’t be happier that this was the first of what she hoped were many anniversaries to come.

#lukanette #Pro LukaMari #endgame lukanette #lukanette endgame #marinette dupain cheng #luka couffaine #lbsc sprint fic challenge #panda sprints

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aching-tummies · 3 years

Text

Quiet in the Library!

I think I lived out a kink-scenario again completely on accident today (note, this was written a couple of days before posting due to a busy schedule).

My area is currently experiencing an unprecedented heat wave. We're normally a colder climate so built-in AC units are not a thing in our area. Older houses come with ways to heat one's house, but nothing to cool it down because our climate is normally either cold or freezing. On my day off from work I decided that I wanted to go out somewhere with AC to kill time. I had some stuff I needed to work on and some things I needed to print off so I made plans to head to a public library and work/chill for a couple of hours.

I discussed my plan with family members. Some family members are going through medical treatments and stuff, so the entire household has been wary of going outside and potentially bringing germs and other stuff back home with them. I'd be going out for "recreational" purposes. We have a printer at home but it is only connected to someone else's desktop...so if I absolutely had to print something off I'd have to hop onto that computer...which I have done in the past...so the library trip was more for the idea of spending a couple of hours in a building with AC going. I wanted to let family know of my plans so that they wouldn't plan for me to be at home...and also offered the idea of someone tagging along with me if they wanted to beat the heat in the library too.

Turns out someone else was toying with the idea of going on a grocery run but they were on the fence because of the heat wave. I suggested that I'd tag along with them on the grocery trip, help them carry items and all, and then they could drop me off at the library and save me one trip on transit...I'd take transit home when I was ready. With that plan, I suggested that we eat breakfast at home because I had plans to buy lunch outside while on my library trip and I did not want to have to buy or eat two fast-food meals in one day. This was all discussed the night before my day off, fyi.

Plan made, upon waking up we worked together to put breakfast on the table. Unfortunately, my first task upon waking was to chug some ice-cold water out of the fridge. It was hot and I was sweating not even 10 minutes after waking up. The shock of cold water so soon after waking gave me cramps. Imagine how you'd react to being rudely woken up by someone dumping a bucket of ice-water on you...yeah, that's exactly how my stomach reacted. I hid in my room, doubled over with cramps, and left the rest of breakfast prep to family members.

Something went wrong with breakfast, apparently, that resulted in half of the food being inedible so I ended up eating about three mouthfuls of food and leaving the rest for other family members. The spoiled breakfast put other family in a bad mood so they reneged on our plans. Timing-wise, it resulted in a mad dash to the bus stop for me after swallowing my third mouthful of food because I had decided I'd be in the library today. The little food I had eaten was only barely enough to whet my appetite and my stomach was grumbling and snarling for more by the time I reached the bus stop. I rubbed my tummy a little to try to calm it because part of it was still griping over the ice-wakening.

When I got to the area with the library, I had a choice to make: walk further in the heat, by-pass the library, to find food at a nearby food-court first...or hit the library as intended, spend a few hours there, and then search for food hours later. The heat made my decision for me...looking for food first would have resulted in double the amount of walking in the heat because I'd be bypassing the library only to return to it after getting food. My stomach had calmed down on the bus ride (thanks to some discreet tummy rubs) and was no longer grumbling at me.

I hunkered down in the library with my earbuds in. It's been over a year since I set foot in a library due to the pandemic shutting them down for in-person services. I missed this. My favorite thing to do in the summer in previous years was to bring my laptop to a library and enjoy the ambience and the air-conditioning. It doesn't cost anything but transit fare so I did this often before the pandemic hit. I was enjoying myself. I felt a little self-conscious though because people that walked by my table gave me strange looks...and I don't know why. I had my mask on, other people at other tables were doing the same as I--had their laptops out and were working on Word-Processing documents. I'm at the age where I can totally blend in as a post-secondary student...so I couldn't fathom why I was getting strange looks and I kept on checking if my hair was out of place or if I had something on my clothes.

When I wrapped up my work, I shut down my computer and pulled by earbuds out...that's when I realized that the rumbling I felt throughout my three hours at the library was not due to my music being too loud. The grumbles had come back with a vengeance and apparently had been going for at least two and a half hours. Something about tables always seems to act as an echo chamber for stomach growls and these ones were audible...so...yeah...my best guess as to why people were giving me odd looks: my tummy was growling and they heard it.

To add to my embarrassment, a stunningly attractive person was in the table behind me. There was no way he didn't hear my growling tummy. I packed up, printed off my stuff, and left the library in a rush in order to spare myself further embarrassment.

Onto food. I stopped by a nearby convenience store to hunt for drinks. Pro-tip when eating at a food court or going to the movies or something: drinks and snacks are cheaper if you get them from a grocer or a convenience store or something than if you were to get them at the food court or theatre. I know, it's bad to do that to a theatre, but most of the people I know working in theatres tell me that they don't mind if you bring outside food as long as you don't leave evidence...don't throw out your own wrappers and zipper bags in their trash bins and don't leave bottled drinks and stuff lying around. You shouldn't do that sort of thing if you bought concessions at the theatre either...but yeah.

The convenience store here almost always has a "3 for $5" sale on drinks...it's just a matter of which brand/flavors are on sale when I go. I lucked out and it was on 500mL bottles of lemonade that day...so I trudged over to the food court carrying 1.5 litres of drinks. I was hungry and it was hot, so I ended up buying some of those premade sushi platters. It wasn't a big one...8 pieces or so. I bought a small bento box as well that basically just had some meat on top of the rice and a side of vegetables. I was hungry, so I was sure that this amount of food was alright for me to finish in one sitting. In previous trips I'd bought a 2-item large bento and the same sushi platter...I'd be able to finish the bento and maybe eat 2 of the rolls before being full in previous trips, so I was sure that what I had bought would fit comfortably in my stomach.

I forgot to factor in thirst. It was a hot day and all, so I ended up drinking more lemonade than I otherwise would have. I drank 2 of the bottles during my meal...so an entire litre of drink went into my stomach along with the food. By the end of my meal all that was left on my plate was one roll from the sushi platter. I brought it to my lips but my stomach definitely didn't want it and it was too hard to swallow.

My gut was packed. The litre of lemonade (as well as about half a cup worth of water from a waterbottle) filled up my tummy and brought me to 'stuffed' rather than simply 'full', The food alone would have comfortably brought me to 'full' as I usually only have my waterbottle with me for meals so I don't drink too much.

I was wearing a loose button-up shirt over top of a camisole and pants that day. The clothes were very flattering and highlighted my slimmer waist. I've got a higher BMI than is considered normal/healthy...but my figure is basically on the bigger end of average rather than into full blown obese territory...and most of my fat distribution goes toward my bust, arms, and thighs so my stomach was flat in those clothes. Not after lunch, that's for sure.

My stuffed tummy was aching, stretched and fit to bursting. The glut of food and drink had rounded out my stomach and I was immensely glad for the loose button-up hiding the evidence. I sat at the table for a while, unwilling and unable to stand up because my stomach felt so heavy and there was pressure at the base of my esophagus from all the food. I was terrified that I'd throw up if I moved and jostled my tummy. I spent a few minutes discreetly rubbing my tummy under the table as I flipped through headlines on my phone. I wasn't paying attention to my phone, mentally begging my stomach to start digesting so that I could finally move.

When I finally got up, I opted to walk around the mall for a bit in hopes of coaxing faster digestion. My stomach churned and sloshed the whole time. Surprisingly, there wasn't really any gas in my guts. It was all liquid and solid food. The rice must have absorbed some of the liquid because everything felt like it had swelled up inside of my belly. The stretch was intense. Thanks to my clothes, I felt like some of those "surprise inspection" fanarts I've seen floating around. If I had a partner and a discreet/private setting, I wouldn't have minded playing out a "surprise inspection" scenario. I was alone in public and terribly shy and embarrassed about my tummy though. If anyone tried to press their palm into my tummy at that moment I'm sure I would have been embarrassed and that I would have thrown up from all of the pressure in and on my tummy. I was stuffed to the point it hurt--my stomach felt like it was on the verge of a rupture.

#stomach kink #tummy growls #stomach growls #stomach ache #stuffing #tummy ache #hunger kink

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thiswaycomessomethingwicked · 3 years

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If you ever wrote a Griomer fic set in modern times, what job would Grima have? What car would he drive? What kind of beer or wine would he drink? Where would he live? What would he do to relax? How would he and Eomer meet? Curious minds would love to know :)

A BEAUTIFUL, BOUNTIFUL THOUGHT.

May your crops be watered and your cows plentiful.

Ok so the first real question is setting. I’m going to go with Portugal. Lisbon, to be exact. Because I don’t know any modern AU that takes pace anywhere other than America and England. With a few exceptions that just prove the rule.

Grima works for the government in the legal department of one of the ministries. Maybe Foreign Affairs or Finance - something in that vein. Is he on the take? Probably. Can you get things done by shoving him a handful of dirty 100 euro bills? Yes.

He was also absolutely was running a book during the dust up between that one anti-masker judge and the director of police over Covid. When the judge challenged the police director to hand to hand combat saying that if he won the police director would have to publicly state “I’m an idiot, a puppet and the government’s bitch.”

Grima LIVED for that whole hot mess. He also absconded with all the funds from running the book because Grima is here for that sweet sweet cash money.

But yeah, he works in a government legal department and people just refer to him as “Grima from legal,” as if there are other men with his name running around. Mostly people avoid him, yet somehow he keeps climbing up the ladder and no one understands how or why this is happening.

He is a riot to have on calls though because when people are like “if we pass this legislation would that contravene the constitution” he always answers “I can make it so it won’t”.

Examples of a day with Grima at the office:

Grima: I’m not sure I like this language in the contract as it stands - it makes it seem that we would be liable to pay the local municipality a bucket of money. And we’re not going to do that.

Random civil servant: That language came from the city’s mistrust of us at the central government.

Grima: Completely fair, I don’t trust us either. But we’re taking it out. The municipality is on their own. Shame them with their bad fiscal planning if they kick up a fuss.

[...]

Civil servant: Can we even do this? Like, are we actually allowed to pass this kind of legislation?

Grima: I mean you can. The courts will hate you and you will have judges out for your blood. But you can. Theoretically, government can do anything.

Grima: Anyway, there are regulations already in place to support the legislation’s implementation. We’re cart-before-horsing it here but trust me. It’s fine.

Civil servant:

Grima:

Civil servant:

Grima: I mean, I do maintain that it was a mistake to pass the regulations so quickly but uh .... things got out of hand. Which is typical.

Civil servant: Got out of hand? The regulations are a mess.

Grima: They’re a mess because we’re just making it up as we go along.

As they’re in Lisbon I suspect Grima takes public transit or walks to work on the average day. Also, I don’t know enough about cars to have an opinion of what kind he would drive.

Grima, as a contrast to other Portuguese people, prefers wine to beer but will drink whatever you put in front of him. I enjoy head-canoning that his preference is for rose and he tells people who judge him about this to go suck a metaphorical dick. That said, I suspect his table wine/what he always has in the house is red. Probably from the Duoro region. Also your bog-standard liquor collection.

That said, those little 15cl glasses that beer comes in Portugal. He finds that acceptable.

I think he’s a snacker. Like he just snacks through the day instead of eating real meals. Five minutes between meetings and he’s casually eating a sandwich. Where did he get the sandwich? Who knows. Why is there a bag of chips suddenly appearing? Magic.

I head-canon, in both universes, that Grima a) likes pickled things, b) hates asparagus and walnuts, c) consumes vast quantities of coffee and d) has a serious sweet tooth. How many pastéis de nata can this man consume in a single sitting? So many.

For how he spends his free time - he does like the football and has many spicy opinions about everything relating to it. Especially the latest fiasco in the UK. Also, the UK in general.

Grima: England was a mistake. Shouldn’t have happened.

Eomer: Guess we’ll just visit Ireland and Scotland.

Grima: Why would we do that? It’s cold up there. I want to go to Croatia or Naples.

Eomer: We went to Naples last year.

Grima: ... Your point?

Though he pretends to be disinterested in it for Reputation Reasons, I suspect he’d be a big fan of Eurovision and does one of those March-madness style betting pools with his siblings over it. It’s the only time he talks to his brothers.

Christmas? No. Civic holidays? No. World Cup? No. Eurovision? Yes.

Eomer thinks this just demonstrates that Eurovision is the solution to most problems.

In terms of day to day hobbies/way to spend spare time - lots of reading. Many books. Eomer is like “One day we’re going to be eaten alive by your books. There are so many of them.”

As it’s Grima, he has a chaotic organizational system for them that makes sense only to him. Also, he never re-shelves them so there are very neat and precise stacks of books around the flat which he finds rather soothing. He makes upset noises whenever Eomer tries to tidy up.

Eomer believes in de-cluttering. Grima does not.

Puzzles - I firmly believe Grima likes puzzles. And those crazy ones too, like 7k pieces of the moon. So it’s all white and grey.

Also strategy board games and trick-based card games.

And for where he lives? I assume a flat - one bedroom, nothing too fancy those he has Aspirations and Dreams of being filthy, stinking rich one day and being able to spend money like an American.

Oh man, how did they meet? I feel like they’re on opposite sides of some legal issue or argument. Like Eomer works for the Lisbon government and there’s a jurisdictional dispute and Grima’s representing whatever Ministry is involved and it’s all knives out.

Then afterwards they keep running into each other because Life is Full of Trouble. Grima’s like “can a man not drink his coffee and eat his pastries in peace?” and Eomer slides into the chair across from him, “How’s my favourite corrupt government lawyer?” Grima gives him a rude gesture.

Grima’s all, “Excuse me, I’m busy.” Proceeds to take out a deck of cards to Very Visibly play solitaire.

Eomer is thinking, Oh my god what a freak. What comes out of his mouth is, “So you want to grab dinner or something?”

Grima, “No.”

Eomer, “Drinks? Go for a walk?”

Grima:

Eomer, “.... I know a book store with a cafe in it that sells really good croissants and does like an overly fancy charcuterie board”

Grima, “I’m free next Friday at 8.” Immediately goes back to his cards.

Oh he’s also permanently attached to his cellphone. Like it’s probably glued to him at this point. An additional limb coming out of his left hand.

Eomer: We’re on holiday.

Grima: government never stops babe.

Thank you so much for this ask. I love them so much they’re both so dumb.

<3 <3

#THAT GOT SO LONG #lotr #lord of the rings #grima wormtongue #eomer #ask #reply

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whentherewerebicycles · 3 years

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i am not reblogging this post from OP (posted 2 days ago, with 4,400 notes and counting) because i know that often people are just making their own vent posts on their blogs and maybe don’t expect them to circulate widely outside of their small tumblr circle! and i don’t mean to like, jump on someone who is just commenting on something and then going on with their life. but i feel like i keep seeing versions of this sentiment on leftist twitter too and i really think it is a gross misrepresentation of the bill that passed earlier this month - which is due in part to social media’s intense focus on the “stimulus check” part of the bill. but the bill was not called “the stimulus check” act! it was called “The American Rescue Plan” and it was specifically geared towards providing desperately-needed relief to the American middle & working classes. the $1400 direct payments to individuals was just one small portion of the bill. here are the far more important parts:

in addition to receiving a $1400 direct payment themselves, individuals with children receive an additional $1400 check for each dependent

college students who are still listed as dependents on their parents’ tax forms (typically so they can retain health insurance benefits under the ACA) can more easily claim stimulus money - which is huge for college kids who may be helping to financially support immediate or extended family members

unemployment benefits have been extended from March 31, 2021 (their original expiration date) to September 6, 2021

unemployment benefits will be supplemented with a $300 weekly payment (ie $300 on top of what people are receiving from their state government)

unemployment benefits received in 2020-21 are tax-exempt (a retroactive change that means people who are unemployed won’t receive a surprise tax bill counting their unemployment money as “income”)

a substantial tax credit for employers who offer paid sick leave and paid family leave benefits (ie creating a direct incentive for employers to authorize emergency paid leave)

15% increase in food stamp benefits and extension of eligibility

child and family tax credit benefits!!!! this is the part that people are describing as one of the most significant anti-poverty initiatives in American history. families are eligible for a tax credit of $3600 for each child under the age of 6 and $3000 for each child between 6-18. people can also claim a child and dependent care credit with a maximum benefit of $4000 for one eligible dependent and up to $8000 for two or more. it also expands the earned income tax credit and lowers the age limit to 19. dems also pushed to get at least 50% of the tax credit money to people this year instead of making them wait for their 2021 tax return. this calculator allows you to calculate how much families will receive. if you make $50,000 a year and have four children, you will receive $13,200 through the child tax credit alone, paid out in monthly payments of $1,100 from July to December 2021 + an additional $6,600 lump-sum payment when you file your 2021 tax return early next year. there are also some additional dependent-related tax credits things that I don’t fully understand but that seem to indicate people are eligible for even more money.

forgiven student loan debt is made tax-free (a necessary prerequisite for future efforts to cancel/forgive student loan debt)

huge expansion of grant benefits to small businesses, including $28.6 billion specifically for bars and restaurants; $15 billion for low-interest, long-term replayment emergency disaster loans; and $7 billion more for the paycheck protection program (which can only be used on payroll expenses and makes it possible for small businesses to keep workers on payroll even if they are operating at lower capacity). you can describe this as “for the economy only” if you want, but I sure feel like it will alleviate a whole lot of human suffering by allowing people to keep their jobs & paychecks even if their workplaces remain partially shut down. my dad is a small business owner and has been able to keep his entire staff on payroll through the entire pandemic. the bill also includes billions for airlines and concert venues, which will again! means people won’t lose their jobs!! plus it allocates $175 million to fund a Community Navigator Program that reaches out to eligible businesses and helps guide them through the application process—ie making it possible for small businesses to actually take receive these benefits.

$350 billion to state, local, and tribal governments

$130 billion for K-12 schools to improve ventilation, reduce class sizes, purchase PPE for employees and students, and hire support staff; of this money, 20% must be dedicated to programs designed to counteract “learning loss” from students who missed school during the pandemic

$40 billion for colleges and universities, at least $20 billion of which must go to emergency grants to students (our university has been giving regular emergency grants throughout the pandemic to students to help cover rent, unexpected medical expenses, costs related to family emergencies or lost family income, tuition bills that they suddenly can’t pay, fees associated with wifi or purchasing tech equipment so they can learn virtually)

a HUGE amount of money four housing benefits!!!! i keep seeing people yelling about how $1400 won’t cover their rent but THAT’S WHAT THE RENTAL ASSISTANCE PROGRAMS ARE FOR. $21.6 billion in rent and utility assistance, paid directly to states and local governments so they can disburse it to eligible households!!! plus $5 billion to Section 8 housing (which “must go to those who are or were recently homeless, as well as individuals who are escaping from domestic violence, sexual assualt, or human trafficking”).

$5 billion to support state and local programs for homeless and at-risk individuals (can be used for rental assistance, homelessness prevention services, and counseling; can also be used to purchase properties that will be turned into permanent shelters or affordable housing for people who are homeless). plus an additional $120 for housing counseling.

$4.5 billion earmarked for a special assistance program that helps low-income households cover costs of heating and cooling and $500 million to cover water costs

$750 million in housing assistance for tribes and native Hawaiians (who are also eligible for other benefits through the rental assistance and direct tribal government grants described above)

and then BILLIONS of dollars to support FEMA, the Veterans Affairs’ healthcare system, the CDC, and state, local, and territorial public health departments for all things related to: COVID testing, contact tracing, vaccine production and distribution, vaccine outreach, PPE, and public health education. this includes (among many, MANY other things), $5.4 billion to the Indian Health Services (division of the Department of Health and Human Services that specifically provides health services to Native people and tribal territories), $200 million for nursing loan repayment programs, $80 million for mental health training, $3.5 billion in block grants specifically geared towards community mental health programs and substance abuse/prevention/treatment programs

$86 billion for a rescue package for pension funds (esp union-sponsored pension funds) that are on the verge of collapse - collectively covering 10.7 million workers.

billions of dollars for public transit programs (and sure, public transit is important to the economy, but access to regular, reliable, affordable, and safe public transit is HUGELY important to human health and well-being! it is how many people esp in urban areas access grocery stores, health care, their jobs, childcare facilities, etc.

$10.4 billion for agriculture, of which $5 billion is specifically earmarked for socially disadvantaged farmworkers. to quote wikipedia: “Experts identified the relief bill as the single most important piece of legislation for African-American framers since the Civil Rights Act of 1964.”

tons of money to fund 100% of premiums for COBRA (health insurance for people who have unexpectedly lost or had to leave their jobs) through October 2021. COBRA is hella expensive and experts estimate that 2.2 million people will need to enroll for COBRA benefits in 2021. there are also various provisions that expand Medicaid and the Children’s Health Insurance Program (a program targeted at uninsured children in families who don’t qualify for Medicaid but may not be able to afford adequate healthcare coverage. it also fixes some things with the ACA that could’ve led to people getting surprise bills due to fluctuating income or unexpected changes in employment status.

i am SO OVER the so-called ‘progressive’ rhetoric that no good can ever come from the government, or that all politicians (dems or republicans) are basically the same level of evil and incompetent, or that ~mutual aid~ (ie small payments made between individuals in a community) is the only thing we can count on or should count on in times of crisis. no!!!! fuck no!!!! like mutual aid is great but America is an INSANELY WEALTHY country and it is such bullshit to act like we can’t or shouldn’t expect our government to take care of the people who live here. and i am also just GRAHARRGHGHH at people who are completely disengaged from politics offering their jaded and hyper-cynical hot takes on things they don’t! actually! know! anything! about!!!!!!! and in the process making other people increasingly jaded and cynical about the possibility of electing a government that actually prioritizes the needs & well-being of its citizenry!!!

ugh i’m just TIRED of leftist political cynicism y’all especially when it comes from people who have absolutely no understanding of how much WORK it takes to make huge things like the American Rescue Act happen (work that includes not just the immediate negotiation of the bill but also the years of organizing & voter recruitment work it took to get a narrow democratic majority in the senate so that we could pass things like this!!!!). I’M DONE WITH BEING CYNICAL!!!! i feel, in a totally earnest and unjaded way, that it’s absolutely incredible that dems were able to write, negotiate, and pass this bill, and i feel so so so relieved to be currently living under an administration that is flawed in many ways but is at least actually and earnestly TRYING to reckon with unprecedented “suffering in an actual human scale” (to quote OP) and is even using this crisis as an opportunity to advance major anti-poverty initiatives that will have a LASTING IMPACT on actual human lives. as opposed to our previous administration, which was made up of thousands of people who woke up every single day and asked themselves “what can I do today to further dehumanize & inflict needless suffering upon millions of people?”

PHEW!!!! SORRY!!!! JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS I GUESS!!!!!!!!

#i went into this thinking i was going to be very measured and calm #but actually i'm pretty pissed off #people fire off their hot takes and thousands of people read them and it's so! fucking! infuriating!!!#no government is ever gonna be perfect! certainly ours still has a shit-ton of problems!!!!!#but i hate the 'only option is to fully disengage & say fuck it' attitude #esp when then thousands of people read it and accept it as truth #long post

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elianthvia · 3 years

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7 Reasons Why I Quit

(only for a little bit)

It has, alas, been another few weeks since I posted. I have an excuse for my unpunctuality: I've been spinning non-stop like a top. The conclusion of the last Zoomester and the start of summer are to blame. I have seven partners in crime.

Culprit 1: Puppetry Workshop

Towards the end of the year, DTI (Design Thinking Initiative), in collaboration with the Theatre Shop, hosted an in-person puppetry workshop where a small number of people could participate per covid protocols. In-person events were few and far between this semester, so of course I rushed to sign up. The workshop ran for about 2 hours on three consecutive Mondays. We met in the theatre shop inside Mendenhall Center for Performing Arts.

The first day we made shadow puppets (and mine was a bee); the second day we made hand puppets (mine was a ... cyclop ghost king?); the third day we made marionette or string puppets (I attempted to make a teru teru bōzu, but everyone thought it a ghost). I had a lot of fun trying different fabrics, re-learning how to use a bandsaw, and magically joining things together with the help of a hot glue gun. (Side note: Polymer chemistry is the magician behind the scene, and I will be learning more about the science of hot glue guns in the polymer class I am taking next semester!) The workshop was surprisingly not as popular as I anticipated, maybe because people were busy as the semester came to a close. The good news is that DTI will be running the workshop again in the fall so more people will get to participate.

(Is she a ghost or teru teru bōzu?)

Culprit 2: Spring Piano Recital

I did not expect to attend a live concert this semester, but I was invited to the spring piano recital as a "special guest." It is a habit I developed while working as a concert crew at Sage, to sit outside the Sweeney Concert Hall and listen to the rehearsals after I finished setting up the stage. That day I was going to do homework outside the concert hall while waiting for my performing friend to finish. The piano instructor spotted me and asked me if I wanted to join. Disbelieving in my good luck, I accepted the invite. About ten students were scattered in the almost empty concert that felt sad and lonesome, but soon music filled the air. I thoroughly enjoyed every performance. Lots of Chopin were played, but my favorite one is Rhapsody in Blue which just entered the public domain this year. All pieces are about or more than a century old, which is not a surprise, but refreshingly, there is a piece by a female composer, Amy Beach, whose granduncle co-founded Bates College. You can find the full program here.

Culprit 3: End of Classes

The end of classes was epitomized by professor-resembling pixels on our computer screens bidding us goodbye. Usually professors would plan something fun for the last day of classes, virtually as well.

I remember last semester my Multivariable Calculus professor changed his virtual background to a wall of donuts, explaining that during the pre-pandemic times he used to bring a box of donuts for students on the last day. This semester in Mathematical Methods for Physicists and Engineers, we explored the applications of Fourier Transform by looking at the velocity of a star and detecting the number of planets around it. Our last Circuit Theory lab was in person, where we got to listen to a song/piece of our own choice through the low pass filter and the high pass filter pictured below. The professor handed out prizes (cool items she accumulated in conferences) to students to reward them for their participation in the pre-class trivia games. I received a mini glow moon. In addition, our circuits professor left out end-of-class fun packs with origami papers and stickers outside her office. Our last Organic Chemistry lab was also in-person, where each lab group presented their experiments and findings (through a projector rather than Zoom screen share!) My presentation group decided to dress up for this special occasion after a long year of virtual school. Lastly, for Organic Chemistry, we played organic chemistry jeopardy in our last lecture.

With all the professors wishing you a happy summer, you start daydreaming about the sunny beach and breezy wind. Oh wait, you still have final exams to take. All in three days!

Culprit 4: Final Examinations

This semester we had a three-day final exam study period (or reading period) when professors are not allowed to assign any homework or set deadlines. Right after the reading period is our final exams. Smith is known for its flexibility when it comes to exams thanks to its Honor Code system. Many exams are self-scheduled. Some are open-notes, and some are untimed. In a normal year, students go to Seelye Hall to print out and take the exams when they feel prepared.

For the classes I am taking this semester, I had three hours to take my Math Methods final, a whole day to take the Circuits Theory final, and the entire finals period to take my Organic Chemistry I final. Besides the exams, I had several other writing assignments to turn in. I was very fatigued at the end of the semester, so even though I only had three exams, I struggled to muster up mental energy to study. To make things worse, I got my second Pfizer shot during the reading period and had a pretty bad reaction. As a result, I asked the class dean to give me an extension on an exam, which was generously granted, and I was gratefully less overwhelmed.

Culprit 5: SmithCycle

The finals are now over, but my vacation didn't start yet. I am staying on campus for a few extra weeks to work for SmithCycle. SmithCycle is a program that collects, sorts and redistributes gently used dorm items students donate in the move-out process at the end of each school year. It gives purpose to items of reusable value and creates a more sustainable campus. In the past week, we have collected hundreds of bags (no exaggerations!) of items. Besides clothes, books, school and dorm supplies, some of the unexpected items include coffee makers, brand new water filters, and a monitor. One of my coworkers commented that first-years shouldn't have to shop clothes hangers again while they were going through three boxes of donated hangers.

The winter clothes we collected are going to the International Students and Scholars Office. They have an event called Winter Clothes Closet every fall where international students "shop" for free to help them get accustomed to the New England weather. School supplies will be moved into the Common Goods Resources Center which CEEDS hopes to launch in Fall 2021 (very exciting!). I cannot plug SmithCycle enough. If you are an incoming first-year, visit the Common Goods Resources center before you head to Target!

I have always been interested in sustainability and renewable energy and want to get more involved. When I saw the SmithCycle worker position posted on Workday, I immediately applied. Every SmithCycle worker's job varies. I am mainly responsible for washing and drying the linens and blankets. When waiting for the washer and dryer, I help with unloading the van that circulates between houses to pick up bags of donations. I also help with sorting. Pictured below is the inside of Scott Gym where all the items are currently stored.

Culprit 7: Summer Housing

As college transitions into summer, students who are staying on campus for some part of the summer had to move out of their spring housing assignment into their summer housing. I moved from Chapin, the house in central campus, to Capen, which is on the periphery of Smith. I know Chapin and Capen sound alike, but they are very different houses location-wise and personality-wise! To make up for its distance to the academic buildings, Capen House has its own garden, Capen Garden. The garden a gorgeous place many current Smithies are missing out on. There is a mini fountain, hedges, a garden temple, a plant arch, and a bizarre owl statue. Look at the last picture of the garden in this blog, and you will agree with me that the Paradise Pond is overrated.

Built in 1825 and acquired by Smith in 1921, Capen House is named after Bessie Capen, the second woman to be admitted to MIT. She taught chemistry at Smith College. Fun fact: Bessie Capen was once the associate principal of the Mary A. Burnham School for Girls, now Stoneleigh-Burham School; I went there for horseback riding lessons during my first year at Smith. Small world, right?

Case Closed

Thanks for reading this long-ish explanation. I hope my tardiness in delivering this post may be justified by the causes above. To compensate, I will write about my other summer plans and updates in the next few weeks. Stay tuned! Meanwhile, enjoy your summer!

#puppetry #piano #music #finals #smithcycle #capen house #capen garden #summer #pfizer #college #Smith College

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byhaeseong · 4 years

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━♡ guess the 23 YEAR OLD SEPTEMBER baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because MOON HAESEONG is just as MELANCHOLIC as the month of SEPTEMBER. wait, why do they remind me of NAM YOONSOO? beyond that, they seemed CHARMING & KEEN upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of TEMPERAMENTAL & DESTRUCTIVE though. i hope they get acquainted here in APARTMENT 9 / FLOOR 4 ; HE seems to have a lot going on with HIS job as AN ELECTRICIAN.

okay,,, let’s try this again. i’m chey (21, she/her, gmt-5) & i’m here to introduce you to dallyeog’s september baby — moon haeseong. i personally view september as a month of transition/change, so that’s how i’ve chosen to portray haeseong. he’s been through a lot so far and the leaves of his life are beginning to change color and fall off; hopefully, he’s headed towards a brighter spring, but he still has a long way to go. you can view his (unfinished) stats page here, his pinterest board here and learn more about him below the cut!

personality.

virgo / the virgin. guarded, critical, defensive, impulsive, tense, intelligent, kind-hearted, bold, hard worker, reliable, playful. haeseong values privacy over anything else. he can’t stand overbearing types who feel the need to know and see everything, but at the same time, he can be like that, too. but hearing that he’s hypocritical rarely surprises anyone — he has a tendency to criticize certain behaviors in others, but excuses the same behaviors in himself because he feels like he’s justified with how he acts. it’s difficult to get close to him and ever more difficult to get him to open up about himself, as he always seems to be on guard, like there’s a threat lying in wait. nonetheless, he’s a kind-hearted guy underneath all that tension, criticism and anger and it shows in small ways, such as how he goes out of his way to help his neighbors and always sticks to his promises. once you’ve made a friend of him, he’s honest, funny and playful. he likes to laugh just as much as he likes to make others laugh.

history.

he was born into a well-off family, but his parents were the overbearing types that he absolutely can’t stand, so he often felt suffocated. he hated how controlling they were towards him and how manipulative they were towards people who worked with/for them, so he ended up running away from home at sixteen and dropping out of school.

parents begged him to come back, tried to bribe him and then threatened to cut off his card — he didn’t listen to any of it, didn’t really care, and once he started getting into legal trouble a couple months later, they disowned him.

legal trouble as in destruction of public property, vandalism, underage drinking, displays of violence. has never done anything that could get him in long-term trouble, but has stayed in trouble p much non-stop since 2013.

has problems controlling his anger, which is what usually leads to him doing things he shouldn’t. all you gotta do is look at him wrong and he’ll smash the windshield of your car. i would not suggest testing this..... </3

anyway! he lied a lot to get part-time jobs, learned how to be independent and how to take care of himself quickly. pretty much always got fired for getting into legal trouble and his bosses just didn’t wanna deal with....... that.

he’s FINALLY! finally trying to move past all of that, though. moved in to the dallyeog apts with the intention of starting fresh in a place where no one knows him (hopefully,,,,) and got his current job as an electrician, which he needs to stay out of trouble if he wants to keep. he def wants to keep it because it pays a lot more than the night shift at a convenience store u know

MAYBE he’s in legal trouble rn though...... MAYBE he’s on probation and has to do community service every fuckin weekend if he doesn’t wanna go to jail again.....

who can say for sure? ask him about it and he’ll get snappy, so there’s no telling.

other.

i’m a big fan of associating characters with songs, so some that i associate with haeseong are: landfill by daughter, shaylee, shanel by hot mulligan, i think your nose is bleeding by the front bottoms, cotton candy by yungblud, i know places by taylor swift, thank me later by onlychild, sps by hot mulligan, randy, i am the liquor by free throw, start again by dinosaur pile-up and ready for more by sea girls.

despite having problems with anger and being guarded, he’s by no means a recluse. in fact, he loves to be around people & almost always seems to be in a relationship, although they hardly ever last.

in regards to his neighbors, though... he prob does try to keep his distance from them just bc he knows how easy it is to get pissed off at a neighbor and he does NOT wanna do anything to ruin his rep.

if you have any electrical issues in your apartment, feel free to ask him to take a look. he’ll p much fix anything for free if he knows how. kind of out of the goodness of his heart, kind of just bc he needs people to like him and ~trust him~ in case he gets into trouble again and needs to be bailed out. mf has no family who would come and no close friends.

he’s also 187cm so if you need to reach something, he’s ur guy.

probably ruining his apartment by smoking cigarettes inside but please don’t tell the landlord.

genuinely wants to be good. wants to be good so so desperately, doesn’t know why tf he has to be so destructive and cause trouble all the time. kinda hates himself for it on the dl but we don’t talk about that

#dallyeog:intro #WHY do i feel like i'm forgetting something

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ladylynse · 4 years

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@ilikepensandships, you might be the only one still interested in Protocol [FF | AO3] (my Dystopian AU where the Guys in White are competent and, well, things get Bad), so this segment is for you! (previous)

-|-

They knew what he was, but he was more useful to them as a ghost--at least for now.

-|-

He had been injected with so many chemicals, he wasn’t sure there was much of his humanity left anymore.

Had he been a mere human, he would have been long dead.

He’d never thought he’d wonder if that would be easier than surviving this, especially when he knew what was in store for him if they were successful.

The experiments seemed endless. Trapped in a prison of phase-proof plastic, he had quickly realized they weren’t going to afford him any dignities his human side demanded. No food, no water, no bucket.

His initial protest on this had reduced him to living in filth until his cage had been cleaned simply for the sake of getting samples for further analysis. Or perhaps they had merely moved him to an identical chamber in an identical lab. By the time they’d deigned to act, he’d been too weak to protest in his human form; survival instinct had forced him to change.

They’d been counting on that. He had no sense of how long he’d been in the thermos, so he couldn’t be sure. He hadn’t had a real sense of time for ages now.

The fluorescent lighting never dimmed. They’d given him nothing but different cocktails of drugs for—weeks, months, years?—since his capture. The scientists never spoke to him, ignored him when he tried talking to them. An endless parade of unsympathetic drones.

Staying in ghost form had become a necessity of survival, which was of course exactly what they’d wanted.

He was more useful to them as a ghost.

Whenever they needed samples from him or intended to begin another experiment, the cell would become electrified. He’d tried staying next to the walls at first—plastic was an insulator, after all—but the electricity they fed in through the floor or ceiling would invariably arc to him.

It was always painful, but they never blinked at his screams.

He wasn’t human to them.

He was just a ghost.

His screams didn’t matter.

He had some idea of what they were doing. They tried to keep the actual data away from him, coding files and chemicals on paper and on their computers, but he’d watch them as closely as they watched him. They seemed to have a few goals in mind. To find an easier way to sedate him. To find a way to control him. To extract the properties within the ectoplasm that gave him certain powers and mimic those powers with their technology.

He knew he wasn’t the only ghost here—couldn’t be—but as he was likely the only halfa, he was the most valuable to them. They might not acknowledge his human half, but they needed it. He was an example of successful ecto-integration.

He knew, if his conditions ever began to improve, that it would be their way of preparing for a new slew of tests. He wouldn’t be able to stomach real food anymore—not solids, anyway—but if they started giving him something to strengthen his human half….

That would be when they thought they had sufficient data on his ghost side to begin looking at the transition point.

They would try to force him to change. They would try to take a mid-morph sample. He was all too aware of what measures they might take to achieve such ends, and he didn’t have a defense.

All he had was entirely too much knowledge of what would come.

He needed to get out of here, but he didn’t know how. He’d analyzed every corner of the lab—everything he could see, anyway—without coming up with any promising possibilities, and no one who came in here seemed the least bit sympathetic, so it wasn’t like he could count on help when it came to escaping.

He didn’t want to give up.

He didn’t want to give in.

But right now, it seemed like continuing to exist was the only way to fight back. Holding himself—his sanity—together in spite of everything they tried. Fighting for that last scrap of humanity within him. Remembering what it was like Before—not just back when he was still free, but back before the world had descended into this chaos. Before the Merge and the lies the Guys in White spread in their effort to climb to power. Before the Ghost Zone was destroyed, before the entire world believed in ghosts, before humanity saw it as an us versus them situation instead of even attempting to coexist. A time when the GiW organization was nothing more than a secretive branch of the government, before they had ever seeded agents across the world in a series of fringe organizations….

They had taken power so quickly.

It had been all too easy for them to whisper that the current heads of government, in whatever nation, were unfit to handle the threat of ghosts, and they had gathered more than enough evidence to prove that they were up to the challenge of handling what they called a new threat. It had certainly seemed that way in the beginning, ghosts all over the world suddenly popping up in places where they had once lived, trying to carve out their own little corner to haunt. Most of them merely wanted to live peacefully, to leave well enough alone and be left alone in return, it had only taken a few fools who blatantly sough power to turn the tide of the already-fearful public against all ghosts. When the GiW had captured these ghosts, people had followed them, and they’d gained power, and—

Sometimes, he wondered if there was more that he could have done to stop it.

He hadn’t really taken them seriously. To be honest, he’d thought them fools. He hadn’t genuinely feared that something like this might happen.

Pride comes before a fall.

He should have known that he would fall this far, this hard.

He closed his eyes and drifted.

That was better than following this line of thinking to its end.

Waiting, drifting, existing….

The soft shhk of the automatic door alerted him to its closing. He couldn’t always hear it—they had a way of selectively soundproofing his cell, a feat he had yet to figure out how they’d managed—so if they were willingly alerting him to their presence, it wasn’t time for a surprise dose of their latest chemical cocktail.

Another study, maybe.

Perhaps more poking and prodding or, worse, cutting and sample-taking.

He opened his eyes, knowing from past experience that feigning ignorance would only result in an electrified cell.

He blinked, but the girl who stood in front of his cell didn’t vanish.

She was in the same white uniform they all wore. She’d donned a lab coat, carefully snapped shut, and held a clipboard. A pen was stuck behind her ear, and she wasn’t wearing gloves—very sloppy, that—and for all that everything fit, it all seemed very…contrived. She wasn’t wearing a name tag—they didn’t always, preferring to carry their identification in an interior pocket where their subjects couldn’t see—but he couldn’t imagine that the others didn’t know of her connection to him.

Why had they allowed her in here?

Had…had she asked to come?

Had she been furious when she’d learned the truth about him?

“Valerie?” he whispered, his voice sounding thin and reedy. Sickly. He cleared his throat. “What are you doing here?” That was better, sounding more like his old self, but—

“Subject P070504.” She spoke quietly, and he knew the steel in her voice shouldn’t surprise him, but— “It’s time for you to come with me.”

(see more fics | next)

#danny phantom #phanfiction #dp fanfiction #fanfiction #guys in white #dystopian au #my writing #ladylynse #dp snippet #snippets #...ngl I did start working on this again because I read in your tags that you enjoyed it #(shh I know that post was from Feb doesn't mean I forgot)#so this isn't much but #it does flesh it out a bit

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nalgenewhore · 4 years

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“E, I’m here,” Lorcan called out from her front hall. “How’re you feeling, love?”

A pathetic groan was her answer, “Having a uterus is ass.” She heard him snort and a couple moments later, he was appearing in the doorway to her bedroom, a sympathetic tilt to his head. She pouted at him and he laughed, entering her room and walking to her side, where she was curled in the fetal position around her hot water bottle. She noticed the shopping bag he had in his hand and nodded feebly towards it, “What’s in there?” Hellas, her dog, lifted his head from where it had been resting on her hip, whining softly.

Lorcan glanced down at the bag and started pulling out stuff he had gotten her, placing them on her desk. “Diva Cup spray, super pads, the Kodex type, and pantie liners, Midol, you ran out,” he mentioned to her as he put the bottle of pills on her nightstand, just within her reach. “That chocolate thingie you forgot at the store yesterday, remember, you cried when you realized you forgot and the store was closed.” There was a smirk on his lips and that hurt more than she thought it could. It wasn’t funny.

Tears pooled in her eyes at the memory, “You don’t have to say it like that.” She sniffled and he looked up, his face stricken. “You don’t have to be a massive dick about it.” Hellas barked slightly, growling at his owner’s distress and the source of it, her stupid boyfriend.

“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that, E, I just-” There was a slight edge of laughter to his voice and it cut deep into her.

“If you’re gonna be like that, you can just leave, I don’t need someone making me feel worse than I already do about things I can’t control.” With that, she turned to her other side, furiously trying to stop her crying. She despised her period, hated how sensitive she was, hated how every movement had her wincing in discomfort. The hot water bottle wasn’t so hot anymore and she groaned, knowing she would have to get up to refill it and she knew that the move to vertical would make her nauseous and dizzy.

The mattress shifted and the duvet was pulled up as Lorcan settled behind her, tugging her slowly enough so that she could push him off if she wanted but Elide let him pull her to his chest, his arms wrapping around her waist snugly but not too tightly. “I’m sorry, E. I shouldn’t have said it like that, I know how much you hate your period and I wish I could make it all go away, mahasani.”

“Och,” she said, her voice thick with tears. “You asshole, stop making me cry.”

Lorcan laughed and the sound vibrated through his chest and into her back, “Do you forgive me?”

“Yes, I forgive you,” she said, the smile on her face swept off when Lorcan pulled her hot water bottle away, “What the literal fuck do you think you-”

He chuckled as his warm hands slipped under her hoodie and pressed into her stomach, exactly where her cramp was. “You’re feisty today.”

“Yesh, well, shedding your uterus will do that to a gal,” she said, no bite in her words as his hands rubbed her stomach, just enough pressure directly below her belly button that her discomfort was soothed away. Elide sighed and relaxed fully against him, her head falling back onto his shoulder. “Mmm, that feels nice.” Her hands found their way into Hellas’ thick fur, stroking softly.

“Yeah?” he asked and she felt his smile in her neck.

“Mm-hmm.” She sighed and her eyes fell shut, “I’m gonna fall asleep if you keep doing that.” Lorcan practically glowed with pride, Elide hardly slept while during her cycle, her pain kept her up even after her meds. “Thank you, baby,” she whispered as she let slumber drag her under.

When she woke up, the snow was still falling outside and her lamp was casting a soft glow about her room. Her arms were wrapped around Hellas, the Husky sleeping soundly. Lorcan was nowhere to be seen and she was covered in a pile of warm blankets. There was something heated on her stomach and she felt around, realizing it was her electric blanket that she thought she had lost.

Elide heard someone moving around in the main room of her apartment and slowly swung her legs out of bed, noting the glass of water and two little pill stamped with ‘Midol’. She smiled and noticed her pain wasn’t as bad, electing to leave them there as she stood and put her glasses on before she slowly shuffled out of her room.

Lorcan was standing in her kitchen, and he turned when she shut her door, the corner of his mouth quirking up. “Hi, there. Feeling better?”

Elide nodded and approached him before wrapping her arms around his waist. “Yeah, I thought I lost my electric blanket.”

“Oh, that? I got a new one ‘cause I know how much you loved your old one.” He said it so casually but Elide squealed in delight.

“You did?”

Lorcan laughed, “Yeah, you were full-on sobbing when you couldn’t find it.”

Elide sighed, the sound wavering as tears pricked her eyes again and her throat tightened. “We don’t need to talk about that right now.” He smiled and wiped her tears away, leaning down to kiss her softly. “Ok?”

“Ok.” He nipped her bottom lip and pulled away, “You hungry?”

“Fucking starving.” She laughed and looked around him to where there was a plate of grilled-cheese sandwiches and a mug of steaming tea. “How did you know that’s what I wanted?”

Lorcan grinned and dropped a kiss on the top of her head, “You know, your cravings are really predictable, E. It’s the same thing every month.”

She pouted and crossed her arms, “I’m not that obvious about it.” Lorcan rose a brow as he passed her her mug of tea, huffing a laugh when she sipped and sighed in bliss. “I don’t care how obvious I am, this tea is worth it.”

Lorcan chuckled as he grabbed her plate of sandwiches and guiding her to the couch, where there was a pile of pillows and blankets for her. “Sit down, babe. I got something for you.”

“Oh?” she questioned, scrunching her nose as she curled into the corner of the couch, her tea held securely in her hands, the steam wafting from it fogging her glasses. “What’d ya get?”

“You’ll see,” he told her as he crouched in front of her TV and joined her shortly after. Lorcan pulled her legs over his lap and rubbed her thigh with his thumbs.

He turned his head and looked down at her, waiting till she looked up at him and smiled, “Thank you for coming over.” She rested her head on his shoulder, batting her eyes at him.

“Even though I’ve made you cry, I think, twice now?”

Elide laughed and nodded, “Even if you’ve made me cry twice now. So,” she put her tea on the coffee table and nestled into his chest, “What’s your surprise?”

He pressed a sweet kiss on her forehead, “Close your eyes, princess.” She was buzzing with excitement as she bit her lip and closed her eyes, her lashes brushing against her specs.

She opened them when she heard the first note of the F.R.I.E.N.D.S theme song and she cried out in happiness, “What. They took it off of Netflix, how did you find it, I can’t believe you found it, I’m-” She cut herself off to clap along and then laugh, falling back against him. “I’m so happy right now, you cannot even imagine.” She held his hands to her chest, squeezing them periodically as the show continued to play.

It had taken him days to find the complete box-set of DVD’s for Elide’s favourite comfort-food show. She had been so sad when Netflix had taken it down and moped around her apartment days afterwards.

She’d told him she hadn’t cried but he knew that she had definitely burst into a puddle of tears when she couldn’t find it and had ranted to him about how Netflix and Apple were evil corporations that didn’t care about their customers and only thought about making the most money after she had found out that to buy the entire show would cost her over one hundred dollars.

It’s ridiculous, Lorcan! It’s criminal, is what it is, how could they do this to their customers? Why would they do this to me, I’m a good person, I’m environmentally conscious, I’m vegetarian, I don’t have a car and walk or take public transit most places, I am a tax paying citizen, I’m never late to pay my bills, I’m a fucking kindergarten teacher, for Anneith’s sake, my dog is a rescue, why would they do this to me?

Now, he wasn’t watching the show at all. Instead, his eyes were on Elide, the woman that he was sure was the one he would marry, the love of his life, the sun to his days, the stars and moon to his nights. His throat tightened as she eventually drifted off, her grilled-cheese left untouched on the coffee table. “Iyótaŋčhila, Elide Lochan.” I love you, Elide Lochan.

“What’d ya say?” Her voice was thick with sleep like warm honey sitting in a glass jar.

Shit. Fuck, fuckfuckfuckfuck, she had been asleep, she had fallen asleep on his chest and he knew it because Lorcan Salvaterre knew what it felt like to have her sleeping next to him. “I, I just…” he trailed off, his heart slamming in his chest. Elide slowly pulled herself up, her eyes wide and her brows raised. Lorcan bowed his head and rested it on her clavicle, “I love you, Elide.”

“You do?” Elide’s voice was thick with tears once more and filled with wonder. “You love me?”

Lorcan raised his head, their noses brushing as he nodded, “Elide Syeira Lochan, I love you.”

She gasped and her eyes lined with silver. Elide brushed her thumb over his high cheekbone, “Kamav tut, I love you too, Lorcan Ohitekah Salvaterre, I love you so gods-damned much.” His eyes were brimming with tears as he smiled and they spilled down his cheeks and so did hers, “Stop making me cry, bengalo.”

Lorcan’s lips pulled into a wide smile as he laughed and it was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard as he kissed her slowly, “I’m sorry, E. Will you forgive me?”

“Hmm, I think I’ll have to think on that, my love, your offences have been rather egregious lately,” she mused, tilting her head up to brush her lips against him. Elide cackled when he stuck his bottom lip out and made his eyes wide and sad.

“Pretty please?” He pouted and somehow made tears pool in his eyes, though she knew that they were fake. “With sugar on top?”

Elide huffed in a joking way and rolled her eyes, “Oh, I guess I can find it in my soul to forgive you.”

“Thank Hellas for that.”

++++++

Translations: I used Lakota (Sioux) for Lorcan’s mother tongue and Romany for Elide’s!

Lakota:

Mahasani: Term of endearment, translates to ‘my other skin’

Iyótaŋčhila: ‘I love you’

Ohitekah: Lakota name that means ‘fierce or war-like’

Romany:

Kamav tut: ‘I love you’

Bengalo: Idiot

Syeira: Romany name, means ‘princess’

@myfeyrelady @kandasboi @schmlip-scribble @the-regal-warrior @highqueenofelfhame @westofmoon @empire-of-wildfire @rhysands-highlady @city-of-fae @shyvioletcat @alifletcher2012 @tangledraysofsunshine @ttakeitbacknoww @tswaney17

#elorcan #elidexlorcan #elide lochan #lorcan salvaterre #isa writes #nalgenewhore

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rittz · 4 years

Text

thoughts about being trans, idk where else to put them so here u go

it’s not like i don’t have trans guy friends to talk to about this, it’s just usually in the form of jokes or passing comments rather than an actually serious conversation. also, the transmasc people that i’m closest to identify more with the label “nonbinary” than i do-- it’s not like they couldn’t understand or relate to things i’m saying, but i’m just assuming that they probably don’t feel the exact same way i do

anyway, as a trans person we get often asked “so why do you feel like a [gender]?”, and the answer is usually some variation of “i just feel like it”. this is the most accurate but also vaguest possible answer, so i kinda wanted to break down my personal answer to that question?

basically, i identify as a man because i identify with men. in a general and also personal sense. gender stereotypes are something that trans people by necessity both embrace and reject. i relate to gender stereotypes about men more than those of women-- i’m less outwardly emotional, i like being handy, i don’t like kids, i have questionable personal hygiene, etc-- but obviously these things alone don’t make someone a man. however... you can’t deny that there is some general truth about behavioral differences between men and women (bc of society, not biology). men and women both experience different problems in the world, and each have trouble understanding the experiences and problems of the other. generally, i can relate to the experiences and problems of men more than those of women, even if it seems like i shouldn’t (for example, i am not afraid of walking alone at night, even though i am very tiny).

i, from a young age, have had a constant yearning for more male friends. i would occasionally choose to play video games as a male character. i was upset that i couldn’t be in boy scouts. i have been jealous of my younger brothers being treated by my parents the ways i wished i was treated. when i imagined myself older, i pictured myself less like my mom and more like my dad. when i’m around men, i want them to treat me like one of them. i want to be seen as a man.

and i think that’s what being trans really boils down to. wanting to be seen as someone other than how everyone sees you. wanting what you see on the outside to match how you feel on the inside. this obviously extends to nonbinary individuals, who face their own struggle when it comes to presentation. but at the end of the day, i think that presentation is equally important to gender identity as internal feelings. i mean, i think we’re all familiar with the research proving that transitioning makes trans people happier. surgery is an invasive, expensive, painful process that i DON’T think is necessary for every trans person, and HRT isn’t always easy to get. but changing a name, getting a new haircut, dressing differently, binding, etc. counts as transitioning. you don’t have to hate your body to be trans, but wanting to alter it in order to better connect your internal identity with your presentation, i think is necessary in order to consider yourself to be trans.

i will admit i am confused by “GNC trans men” i see on tumblr and insta, who use he/him pronouns but exclusively present femininely. i’m not talking about trans guys who don’t yet pass, i mean trans guys who don’t want to. i don’t harbor any ill will, i’m just confused. if i understand being trans to mean “wanting what you see on the outside to match how you feel on the inside”, you can see how. doesn’t that make you feel dysphoric? don’t you want people who see you to read you as male? how is your life different from when you didn’t identify as male but presented the same way? this isn’t me trying to gatekeep on who’s “trans enough”, and especially when it comes to nonbinary identities it’s arbitrary to harp on presentation like this. but like, what’s going on here?

taking a turn here that will come back around, an extremely key component to why i identify as and with men is my sexuality. i have always idolized, envied, and evoked various queer icons from media and real life. the hunky, grunting, macho, hetero version of “man” never appealed to me the way that the fashionable, artsy, flirty, homo version of “man” did. drag queens, my mom’s hairdresser, glam rock stars, i could go on. associating my more feminine qualities with GAY stereotypes instead of FEMALE stereotypes suddenly made more sense, and made me feel less dysphoric. it’s also something that took me a long time to realize, because i had surrounded myself with queers who were mostly attracted to women. transmascs and butch lesbians historically have a lot in common, but personally, i didn’t relate as much to lesbians as i did to drag queens. in dating and loving men, i developed my understanding of them. but my attraction to men was why it had taken me so long to realize i felt more like a man-- i thought i was just some weird straight girl.

now, am i calling these “GNC gay trans men” with long pink hair and poofy skirts and conventionally attractive bisexual boyfriends “weird straight girls”? ...well, not to their faces. but i have to admit that i’m thinking it. these people would never go to a predominantly-male gay bar, these people would never be harassed on the street. i’m not saying i know someone’s identity better than they do, but i don’t agree with the liberal utopian ideal of “let everyone do whatever they want as long as they aren’t hurting anyone” when taken to mean that we can’t question other people’s choices. “why do you feel like a man?” is a question that, coming from another trans person, isn’t inherently transphobic. it’s not “forcing” someone to “prove” their “transness”, no one “owes” me an explanation of their identity. i’m just confused. i don’t disapprove of the way these people live their lives, i just want to know why.

a straight girl being feminine is different from a gay man being feminine, because it has less to do with personality and more to do with society’s historic view of gay men as closer to female than male because of the loving and fucking men aspect. an AMAB gay man wearing makeup and a crop top probably just wants to look good, but he is also signaling to other men that he’s gay via gender non-conformance. by being AFAB and female-passing, wearing makeup and a crop top is not GNC. in fact it’s pretty GC, and gay men will not recognize you as a gay man.

it’s easy to say “gender is fake so do whatever you want”, but like, we have to acknowledge reality. time is a social construct too, but we still use days of the week when talking to each other. strangers will treat you differently depending on what gender they interpret you as. different people will be willing to date you or not. you have to choose which public bathroom to go in. if being misgendered doesn’t bother these people, then who cares? but if it DOES, which it usually does, wouldn’t you want to take steps to prevent being misgendered in the future? if your desire to present femininely is stronger then your desire to be seen as male, then like... why call yourself a male at all? ultimately nothing these people do will really affect me in any way. it just makes me wonder if these people will eventually go on to present as male, or if they will later ID as nonbinary or even cis. i encourage people trying out different labels and exploring their identity, so it’s not like i think these people SHOULDN’T identify as trans guys. it’s more like, i wish they were able to articulate WHY they identify as trans more than “because i said so”. not wanting to be a woman doesn’t automatically make you a man, it just makes you not a woman.

maybe i’m particularly cynical because of the MULTIPLE times that people with larger online followings who identify and present this way have later turned out to be lying, manipulative people. hopefully it goes without saying that i do NOT think that everyone who identifies and presents this way is a toxic liar. the reason i bring it up is because some people genuinely can’t understand the possibility or purpose of misleadingly claiming a marginalized identity, but it can and does happen. an analogy could be made here about white people claiming indigenous heritage. we all WANT to believe what people say about themselves, and asking for “proof” is a social no-no. but we shouldn’t just... automatically trust everything someone says about themselves, right? and as bad as i WANT to live in a world where gender doesn’t matter and everyone default uses neutral pronouns and there are no divisions in clothing stores and bathrooms, we don’t live in that world (yet). when you are AFAB, /extremely/ femininely presenting, and have little to no plans of transitioning, saying “i am a man” will not make other people see you as one. and if you don’t want to be seen as a man, then maybe you aren’t one.

#lgbt #ftm #long...

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happy-hollow-rpg · 3 years

Text

Time And Space || Chika ft. ??? || Epilogue: One Year Later

The weeks after Trick’s passing lent themselves to both healing and ironing out the new boundaries and agreements within the class. Given the need to confront or otherwise confront certain members and their individual contributions towards making the last month as stressful as it ended up being, there was an understandably uneasy atmosphere shrouding the sixteen. Some wounds cut too deep to ever heal, while others tried to make up to each other the best they could.

Throughout it all, Chika Sonozaki stayed a grounded presence, at least, as best as she could muster. Even if it had turned out for the better in the end, unleashing those repressed emotions had taken a toll on the songstress, not helped by what had happened in the direct aftermath. That death was not permanent for any of her classmates did not lessen the impact that Shaela’s last death had on Chika, and it had taken time for her to come to terms with both that and a new wave of intrusive thoughts.

But she had persevered. When Shaela had come to apologize to her, she had done the same in return for subjecting the redhead to emotional whiplash. She had sought out both Akira and Taichi herself, and hoped to keep in touch with them as best as she could. All of her friends who were revived were welcomed with hugs and bunny kisses, and even Santiago got a curt nod (though Bubblegum wasn’t allowed anywhere near him, for reasons she wasn’t comfortable with sharing out loud).

Slowly but surely, things returned to a semblance of normalcy. There were both offers from other Grand Witches and personal requests to return home and leave everything behind: Chika had not received the former and had no plans for the latter, instead choosing to continue her apprenticeship under the tutelage of Trouble. The transition period was peaceful, and thankfully bereft of the same tension that prevailed through October. and it certainly helped ease the idol into a stable mindscape.

Eventually, things had settled down enough that people could return to their everyday lives outside of the mansion, and having kept in contact with her sisters - with much repeated reassurance that she was doing quite alright for herself - Chika returned to the bustling streets of Tokyo once more. Aside from having to hug AKATSUKI for a good long while (she refused to explain why), it was like TASOGARE had never left, slotting back into dance and vocal practices like the professional she was.

The new year brought with it change and opportunity. Chika had worked out an agreement with her new mentor: as she needed both practice and performance time to continue her career whilst also studying magic, Trouble would give her the necessary periods of time off to do so, which would be made up for with remedial lessons. Time bubbles were efficient for both that and having quick naps in-between journeys to and from the mansion, and in addition, she had pledged part of her salary towards the local grassroots campaign in Tokyo, in an effort to conserve nature in the larger Japan.

All in all, it was a win for everyone involved, even if her newfound status as both apprentice and idol meant it was significantly harder to go out in public without someone or another recognizing her. Sponsorships really liked to plaster her face all over their advertising, which at least had the benefit of upping the mileage TEMPUS received as well. They were being tapped to play for larger venues, open for larger concerts, and their gigs continued to get more mainstream attention over the year.

Chika was now nineteen, a veteran in the industry after three years of performing, and she was still considered to be in the prime of her career. Might as well make the most of it.

“And now, for the performance I know you’ve all been waiting for! Everyone, get up, get rocking and let’s give TEMPUS a warm welcome with their brand-new hit single, Happy Hollow!”

In hindsight, Chika couldn’t quite remember what had inspired her to suggest that particular name for their song, but it certainly seemed fitting enough for the occasion. Halloween was one of the few holidays in Tokyo where the themed cosplays of Akihabara extended outwards to the rest of the city, and here in the middle of downtown Shibuya, it was the perfect time for everyone to dress up however they’d like without too much scrutiny, to celebrate the spookiest time of the year.

It was also where TEMPUS found themselves performing, on the rooftops of Tower Records Shibuya for an overwhelmingly enthusiastic audience. They had also dressed to celebrate the anniversary of her witch’s apprenticeship: while her sisters had gone as Beatrice, Nine the Phantom and Bayonetta (SHINYA really wanted to hook up with someone tonight, huh?), TASOGARE had predictably but no less adorably slipped into a copy of Akko’s magic tunic and pointed hat.

Mature outfits and adulthood be damned, it was her last year as a cute teenager, and she was going to milk it all for what it was worth!

As the second chorus drew to a close, Chika stepped into the spotlight. The bridge and its solo verse was hers to dominate as it always had been, though she’d cheated a little this time and amplified it with the subtle use of Music magic to add echoes to her voice. She wouldn’t have had the confidence to do this before, but this was a new year for a new TASOGARE - everything at her fingertips was a new step in the right direction, or at least another subtle tool to get their audience pumped up.

The melody ended to massive cheers, and it was only just the first of four in their performance set. TEMPUS ended the night strong, and as the final staged dance-off between choreographer MAHIRU and main rapper SHINYA concluded, it was Chika who scooped her sisters together in a group hug. Sure, it had been another routine performance, but there was always reason to be proud of how far they had come since they’d first started. As they did, AKATSUKI nudged her gently and smiled.

“Go on, you know you want to leave, Kachi~” She whispered, patting her shoulder in the way only a mother-sister figure knew how. “We’ve stolen you away for most of the night already, I think we can handle the after-party just fine. Don’t forget to say hi to him from us too, and give him that loving reminder that we’ll have to meet him sooner or later, so he might want to sleep with one eye open.”

“Neesan!” Despite the playful threat, she couldn’t help but laugh. AKATSUKI was so attuned to Chika and her emotional state that she had caught on only mere hours after she had privately updated her relationship status, and having confided in the blonde for so long, she had spilled the tea too easily. Still, the reassurance that she could go was all she needed, and turning to face their adoring fans, Chika dug into her pouches for the glittery handfuls of paper she had stored within them.

“That’s all the time I have for you all, but you’ve been amazing! On behalf of us all, I wish everyone a happy, happy Halloween!” With a shower of confetti, and the quick use of a perfect time bubble spell to mask her disappearance, the four idols on stage became three as their youngest simply vanished.

Of course, given the witchy-themed performance, this was considered to be perfectly in-character, and was met by the roaring applause of the crowd as the remaining trio exited stage right.

---

Seconds later in real time, Chika fell onto one of the couches of the mansion, the Location spell card greying out in her hands. Even though she had already begun studying how to use Location magic, she was far from confident with her current skill level, so a card would have to suffice. She fired off a quick text message to her sisters, and dropped another one in the apprentice chat group to indicate that she had returned to the mansion, before getting up and heading to the kitchen for some water.

Picking up a bowl of peach slices and romaine lettuce from the fridge, she summoned her rabbit: even though it was past midnight, Bubblegum was still awake and wasted no time peppering Chika with kisses all over her face. “Hello, mama!! I hope you had an awesome day!! Also, munchies!!!”

Then she wasted no time squirming around in Chika’s arms to get to her supper as soon as possible. The idol couldn’t help but giggle; she knew she shouldn’t be spoiling Bubby so much, but it was just so hard to say no. Heading back to her room, she opened the door to find her roommate still awake, and set down both bowl and bun to allow Bubblegum to continue her meal in peace.

“Hello, Niro-kun.” Crossing the distance between them, she gave the blonde a kiss on the cheek and was rewarded by both of their faces blushing beet-red.

The development had been a fairly recent one, all things considered. During the two weeks, she had found solace in Shinji’s memory construct, confiding in him whenever the stressors of the mansion had overwhelmed her by too much. Real or otherwise, this was still the first man she had ever loved, and possessed all of the gentle wisdom and reassuring confidence that made her fall for the original. It was him, however, who had sat her down to talk one evening.

By then, she had finally let go of the regrets she had with his death in her ongoing effort to regulate her emotions, but whether it was because of her subconscious or because it was what the real Shinji would have done, he had encouraged Chika not to pursue him any further. It wouldn’t change that he loved her and she loved him dearly, but Shinji wanted her to find happiness with someone who could and would grow old with her. That, on an intrinsic level that both of them understood deeply, she had to move on from him for good.

Hearing it said out loud didn’t make it hurt any less, but she accepted it with a tearful smile. Besides, it wasn’t like Shinji was going anywhere, and he would always be around if she needed him to be.

Time passed, and after a few months in the mansion spent in the company of the other apprentices, Chika made up her mind. Valentine’s Day wasn’t exactly a holiday by any measure of the word, but it didn’t stop her from setting aside some time to bake chocolates with some of the others. She knew where Sully’s was going and had a hunch where Erika K. would be sending hers, but as for her own...

“I just… want you to know that I’ve put a lot of thought into this, and I think I like you, Niro-kun. A lot. You don’t have to return my feelings though and you’re still one of my best friends. Nothing can change that about us, but I just… I want to stop bottling my emotions up and pretending that they don’t exist. You know what you’re getting into either way so… if you’d still have me after knowing all of that…”

She made it clear that Niro didn’t have to respond that night. Or at all, if that was what he preferred. There had to be millions of other people out there that he could love, millions of other people who had gone through less and thus needed less out of him. She loved him either way, and Chika had made her confession with the full expectation that she was going to be shot down eventually.

One could only imagine the look on her face when he eventually told her that he was willing to give it a shot.

After a warm shower and a change of pajamas later, Chika found herself sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with Niro on his bed. As she watched Bubblegum settle into her own nest of pillows, she closed her eyes, sliding her hand into his and nestling her head in the crook of his neck. Bold as it would have been to go for their first actual kiss, she hadn’t. They were always going to take this one slow.

“Thank you for just continuing to be you, Niro-kun.” She allowed herself to savour the moment for all it was worth, and sighed happily. “Do you want to just spend time tomorrow doing… whatever?”

"I could say the same to you," Niro said, with a small but clearly genuine smile. It had taken him a while to get more accustomed to expressing himself, but bit by bit he was getting there. "I do have the day off tomorrow though, so... I think 'whatever' sounds nice, especially with you, Chika."

“Yeah…” As she drifted off, leaving the long day behind them, she whispered. “I love you, Raniero.”

With moments like these, tomorrow could afford to wait a little longer.

#endgame #ic #Niro #TASOGARE #submission

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louistomlinsoncouk · 5 years

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Louis Tomlinson: ‘It took some real maturity to understand that One Direction wasn't real life’

I meet Louis Tomlinson at Simon Cowell's London office: a huge, two-room space befitting of a Bond villain at Sony Music’s HQ in High Street Kensington, on the floor occupied by his label, Syco. Cowell, to be clear, isn’t here, but he definitely feels present. A ten-foot portrait of the music mogul smirks down on all those who enter from the minimalist living room wall. Tomlinson, his publicist and I go straight through the frosted glass doors into the office-proper to do our interview, but before we can start the 27-year-old One Direction member turned solo artist needs a cigarette.

Within 30 seconds someone has brought Tomlinson a heavy orb-shaped black ashtray and a cup of tea. He lights up – smoking two more over the next half an hour – and visibly relaxes, leaning back in his chair. Tomlinson has the air of a comedic TV personality: warm, funny and self-effacing, he makes regular references to his hometown of Doncaster (“Donny”), has a loud, theatrical voice and swears like a trooper. “Simon won’t mind,” he says – and mind Cowell shouldn’t. One Direction, one of the most successful boy bands of all time, were Cowell’s cash cow after he brought them together on the X Factor in 2010. Since going on “hiatus” in 2016, all five boys (now men in their mid-twenties) launched solo careers, but only Tomlinson stuck with Syco. Now, Cowell's last vestige of the One Direction big bucks is gearing up to release a debut album, which, as anyone who knows anything about the fervour of the band's fans will be well aware, is already a guaranteed hit.

Tomlinson has, however, taken a big risk. Dressed in a vintage red football shirt, black tracksuit bottoms and black trainers, hair still styled into sweeping boy band perfection, he explains that this new music is “a statement of intent”. Gone are the saccharine, dance-tinged pop beats heard on his 2017 and 2018 collaborations with Bebe Rexha and Steve Aoki. Instead, his latest single “Kill My Mind” is a nineties rock-inspired anthem that sounds like an ode to Oasis. “I spent a long time treading water working out where I fit in the industry,“ he says. “I had to work out what it is I can actually get away with, and just how much I have to play for radio,” explaining that he did the aforementioned collaborations “because I felt like I had Tomlinson says that, unlike former bandmates Zayn Malik and Liam Payne, both of who have released music obviously influenced by hip-hop and R&B, “I can’t really relate to the urban-leaning sounds you hear on American radio”. Instead, he cites Catfish And The Bottlemen as an influence (“Lyrically, it’s conversational and honest”) and spends his time listening to Apple Music playlist “Kebab On The Night Bus”, which features bands such as The Arctic Monkeys, The Stone Roses, The Who and Idles . The result is a solo output that, finally, makes him feel “really excited and really proud. This is where I want to be.

So what does he want this new music to say about him, other than he likes guitar music? “I want people to look at me as a good and credible songwriter.” Overall, what I want from my lyrics is honesty,” he elaborates. “I want it to be real. I don’t want them to feel Hollywood or contrived.” Most of the album is “very autobiographical”, but he’s also taken care to keep it “exciting”, after listening to the earliest version of it and feeling that “A lot of it sounded quite sad.” Tomlinson, who lost his younger sister earlier this year, references the single before “Kill My Mind”, “Two Of Us”, which is about his late mother, Johannah Deakin, who passed away in 2016 after a battle with leukaemia. “That’s a very, very honest song, but it was also very emotionally heavy. I don’t want to be known as that guy.” What, the stereotypical mope with a guitar? “Yeah, exactly, I don’t want people feeling sorry for me. I want people to feel good when they listen to my music. That’s one of the amazing things we had with One Direction.”

Together with Liam Payne, Tomlinson did a lot of the writing for One Direction, which, on reflection, he thinks he was driven to do so that he might find his role in the band. “This isn’t a relatable statement,” he acknowledges, “but I imagine that anyone who’s been in a band or boyband will understand this feeling. There were definitely times in the band that I felt like I could do more or sing more, which is why I actively tried to get better as a writer, because I thought that would be my outlet.”

Now Tomlinson feels like he's found his writing groove, but is he worried the One Direction fans might not like his new music? “Yeah and that’s what creates a bit of a conundrum actually, because that’s very relevant for me,” he says. “I feel like, to a certain degree, we all owe them something. We are where we are because of them, it’s as simple as that.” As my colleagues here at GQ can attest – this 2013 interview with the band got us death threats – upsetting fervent One Direction fans is not an action to be taken lightly. He says that he’s “deliberately included songs on the album that feel a little bit transitional, so it won’t be too alienating towards the fans”. Lyrically, however, he feels like he still “writes what they want to hear, because it’s honest and it’s real and it’s me pouring my heart out”.

But with a ready-made audience come anxiety-inducing benchmarks. “Having the experience of being in 1D was incredible and it’s given me so much to work with, but it’s also hard in terms of expectation, because that was the pinnacle of what we were,” he says sombrely, referring back to the time spent mulling over how to balance making music that’s authentic with finding his place in the mainstream. “If I’d done this interview two years ago, I’d have said to you that if my album doesn’t get to No1 I’ll feel like I’ve failed. It embarrasses me saying that shit out loud now, but it took some real maturity to understand that One Direction wasn’t real life... Everything I’d been shaping my experiences around was something that wasn’t real life, even in the music industry.”

We laugh about those heady days, when he was 18-24, fresh out of Doncaster and making the kind of money 99.9 per cent of us can only ever dream about. “There was a solid time when I spent a long time looking at the most stupid, ridiculous things to spend money on,” he says when I ask him about his own crazy popstar purchases, having read that Liam Payne once bought the Ford Anglia from Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets. “I’ve got a long list of random movie props that starts with the great opener of the leg braces that Tom Hanks wears in Forest Gump. Have I ever got them out? No. I looked at them when I bought them like, ‘Oh, this is amazing,’ but really, I’m not a showy person, I’m not going to have them on display in my house.” Also stored away (“I’ve got Hard Rock Cafe in one cupboard”) are the swords from Kill Bill.

[...]

Has he ever considered retiring out of the public eye? “I’ve thought about that loads of times. It’s only the fans, and the fact I have a point to prove to myself, that keep me getting up every day and getting on to do it,” he says. “When I’m 50, I’m going to go off and get my coaching badges and I’m going to manage some youth team and win the FA Youth Cup with them.” So with all the intense media scrutiny, the feeling that you owe millions of people around the world well, something, and a hugely successful stint as a musician already under his belt, what’s he’s still trying to prove with his solo career? “People and the press love to say, ‘Oh, A and B will do well, but the rest of the lads, they’re not going to do anything.’ So my point I’m trying to prove is that I’m still going to be here in ten years, I hope”.

#louis tomlinson #press #kmm: british gq #kill my mind promo #19sep19 #it's not the full thing

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