doodling some fake screenshots and thinking some thoughts. ideas. concepts, if you will. based on a fictional game setting i made years ago for my bachelor that i don't want to give up on just yet.
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yall this old lady craft group is the best thing ever and i want to cry thinking abt how grateful i am to have it fjfkdl i think this might be the one group that i feel wholly welcomed into and actually a real part of for the first time in my life ;-; ♡
the group leader always seems to want me to sit next to her and her daughter is always interested in seeing what im working on when she comes at the end and she also tells me abt different crochet patterns she's seen on fb marketplace or she brings in old patterns for me to look through and take what i want, and then the card maker lady is offering to give me this big old crocheted clown doll that her mum made her years ago and she immediately offered to give me a ride home without me even saying anything (so that i wouldnt have to try take it home on the bus fjdkdl), and they were all super excited for me when i told them I was able to fix my accordion, and they just... treat me like an equal and a human person and fjdksl man ... it's so nice
AND IM JUST 😭💗 about it all !!!! it all feels so foreign to me !!!! i do not know when I've ever felt so fully part of a group and an equal to everyone there !!!
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Me: Okay, Google, how do I make one faction in Skyrim hostile to another faction?
Google: I got you. You want to know how to make normally hostile NPCs non-hostile, right?
Me: No. I want to make NPCs fight each other depending on their factions.
Google: Oh, I see. You want to know how to make NPCs that should be hostile to the player but aren't hostile again.
Me: No, I don't. I want to make NPCs hostile to each other. The player is irrelevant.
Google: I got it.
Google: You want to figure out how to make NPCs that are supposed to be going after the player but are instead going after each other stop doing that and start going after the player, right? Here are four forum threads about that.
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Why is it that in a world where everything fits in your pocket i long for more complex ‘single use’ technology.
Not in the since that I can only use these things one time, but in the since that each thing only has one purpose.
A camera, film and digital.
An iPod/pDAP with good headphones.
A kindle.
A portable gaming system.
Don’t get me wrong, I love having a phone, I love technological advancement, I love having the world in my pocket.
But there’s something in the ritual of these things that had been part of everyday life that I didn’t get to experience just before my birth that I long for.
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had a dream about jouno + tecchou last night,,,, i was a hostage???????? and they were playing good cop, bad cop with me (take a wild guess who was the good, kind man who was feeding me water between sessions with his palm cupped beneath my chin and gently brushing sticky, sweaty hair back from my temples while he murmured the most tender words beneath his breath and who was the bad, sadistic man sexually torturing the fucking life out of me until i was shaking and sobbing and coated in my own salt (tears n sweat n snot n cum) and then chuckling about it and spewing the most caustic words across my body, letters sharp and soaked in acid, literally burning as they seep into my skin,,, it’s v easy)
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I will say it upfront : This is NOT meant to be a good teaching tutorial for beginners, this is just something I did more to document my art process, and I decided to throw some tips in there in case someone was curious, but it is far from being a complete or even well-thought-out piece of reading.
Under the Read More I linked you to a couple of tutorials that helped me when I was starting digital art.
SHADING Tutorial by Cakeindafridge ( DA ) - [link]
This tutorial follows the same concept of adding two layers of cellshading to help with the volume of the drawing, but it goes deeper into how to refine your shapes and make use of highlights and different color tones for the shadows. It is for fur, but you can aply the theory on other stuff of course.
shadingreference.com , a 3D adjustable lightning reference - [link]
Scroll to the bottom of this, and you will find a 3D model of a human face where you can alter the lights to get a grasp on where to begin shading a face if you couldn’t find a good reference.
Rock Tutorial by Isihock ( DA ) - [link]
Simple , a good beginning exercise.
Loomis Head Drawing Method, explained by Proko, on Youtube - [link]
As I said, this was a look into my process, for the more basic stuff at least. With only two layers of shading... On more complex illustrations my layer count for texturing of clothing and items, ambiance, environment, lightning and color correction is a completely different beast, like the second phase of a boss in a souls game lol.
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every time my mother tells me about all the cool things she did when she was young/my age/whenever, all the fun she had, all I can think is: I want to be happy for you but I can't. I'll never have any of that, I'll never have those experiences, because you've been telling me that I'm bad, not good enough, too loud, too quiet, too much, not enough, wrong in every possible way, all my life and it broke me.
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