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eleanorfenyxwrites · 3 years

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After Each Midnight Begins A New Day

Extra #10b (chapter 3 of extra #10)

[Masterpost] [AO3]

Wei Ying and Lan Zhan have both officially arrived in their childhoods after their time travel array, now they finally get to see each other again <3

To the untrained eye, Lan Zhan knows he looks as stoic as ever. There’s nothing at all in his face or his utterly correct posture to reveal that he feels ready to fly apart from the rush of adrenaline coursing through him and the painful knife’s edge of uncertainty that leaves his fists shaking where they’re curled into his sleeves. He has no idea if he’s going to get what he wants or not and that’s a strange combination of exhilarating and frustrating.

There is, thankfully, enough to focus on besides his own roiling emotions to make them somewhat easier to ignore, at least for the moment. It’s Madam Lan’s first attempts at venturing out into the Sect for business that includes other Sects, and he is acutely aware of this. Her re-entrance into the Lan Sect has gone disastrously so far even after making her case to the elders that she has served her penance and provided two heirs for the Sect. But neither she nor Lan Zhan are discouraged. After all - few people understand the unbending rigidity of the current generation of the Gusu Lan better than the man who had been whipped nearly to death by the elders for the sake of ‘righteousness’ and the woman who had once died in captivity enforced by many of those same elders - and for painfully similar reasons.

True acceptance within the Sect is going to be a long time coming, but Lan Zhan is patient and utterly determined down to his bones to see it through. There are few things he can’t accomplish when both of these traits are put to use.

“Zhan-er,” Madam Lan says softly at his side now and he looks up to meet her eyes, full of warmth and fondness that still melts his heart, as he’s sure will be the case for the rest of his life. “Don’t be nervous. He’ll come.” If Lan Zhan were the blushing type, he might have at that. Living with his mother over the last year or so - ostensibly to be raised by her while in actuality to hide the truth of his condition and make plans to improve the future - has been better than he could have ever imagined. It has also, however, resulted in another person (besides Wei Ying) who’s actually perfectly capable of reading him in ways that make him feel unexpectedly exposed, and while of course he trusts his mother to be kind and understanding in her knowing of him, it’s still a strange feeling. He’s getting used to it though - he’s overjoyed to have the chance to get used to it.

He nods once and reaches up to take her hand as movement down the path from the gate becomes visible.

“Lan-furen.”

Lan Qiren’s voice is cold behind them and Lan Zhan doesn’t even bother turning to look at him. He only has eyes for the Jiang delegation making their way up the stairs, his eyes straining to find a hint of the only person from Yunmeng he cares about seeing. Lan Qiren’s surprisingly petty disapproval of Madam Lan is a familiar irritation by now, one not nearly as deserving of his attention as the possibility of being reunited with his husband.

“Grandmaster,” Madam Lan replies, utterly serene as if she can’t even hear the edge of anger in Lan Qiren’s tone. “You didn’t bring Huan-er with you.”

“He has lessons. It is not appropriate to bring young children to formal greetings.”

“Oh dear,” she replies so dryly Lan Zhan very nearly finds the will to look away from the Jiang Sect still making their way up the stairs to look at her and share in the joke instead. Almost. “I was under the impression that Zhan-er’s manners are so lovely already, he should get a chance to practice with others outside of the Sect. He’s been working so hard, it only seemed fair.”

If Lan Qiren has a reply to that, propriety demands he keep it to himself as the Jiang Sect representatives have finally drawn near enough to make casual conversation too difficult to keep private.

Lan Zhan does not crane his neck nor does he start trying to push his way through the gathered cultivators, but to be entirely honest that has more to do with his mother’s hand still wrapped around his than any thoughts of exhibiting proper behavior. For a handful of anxious moments he can’t help but take note of the fact that Jiang Fengmian is, oddly, not at the front of the delegation. The reason becomes clear when the cultivators part to reveal their Sect Leader trying and just barely succeeding to contain a wriggling toddler with as much dignity as one can muster when wrestling with – and losing against - an extremely determined child.

His heart feels ready to leap out of his chest and straight into his husband’s tiny hands, currently curled into fists in the front of Jiang Fengmian’s robes as he pulls and tugs at them, crying something about not wanting to be apart from him. He desperately hopes that it’s for show. If he has somehow lost his husband through this experiment of theirs of course he will love this Wei Ying as desperately as he ever has, but he won’t be able to keep himself from mourning for the version of him that he lost. Again.

“A-Ying, you have to let go,” Jiang Fengmian is pleading quietly as everyone goes still and the silence that descends quickly turns awkward for everyone who is not Jiang Fengmian and Wei Ying. Or Lan Zhan, for that matter - he couldn’t care less if they all just stare at each other in silence for the entire afternoon, though it would make for a remarkably unproductive first day of a discussion conference. That is, thankfully, not his responsibility anymore.

“Oh dear,” Madam Lan tuts again, but this time it’s much softer than just moments ago. “Jiang-zongzhu,” she calls and offers a salute, though she doesn’t release Lan Zhan’s hand to do it so it ends up a bit lopsided. “Might myself and my son be of some assistance?”

“Your -“ Jiang Fengmian’s puzzled look only grows as he glances down at him, no doubt wondering just who he and Madam Lan are and why they’re at the gates along with Lan Qiren to escort them beyond the wards. “Oh. Thank you. Perhaps. A-Ying?”

Lan Zhan watches with his hands clenched once again into tight fists and his knees tensed as if to run as Wei Ying lifts his head reluctantly from Jiang Fengmian’s shoulder to look down at him, his cheeks wet with tears and his eyes red-rimmed.

“Uncle Jiang,” he whines, sounding like he’s on the verge of beginning to cry again, but Jiang Fengmian can clearly see that as well and he hurries to try to soothe him.

“It won’t be for long, A-Ying, and you can have a new friend, just like A-Cheng and A-Li. Alright?”

Wei Ying sniffles and scrubs his face on his sleeve before he peeks tentatively down at Lan Zhan again standing there practically vibrating with the desire to drag Wei Ying into a hug and never let go. His mother’s hand around his is a gentle restraint but after a moment she lets go and puts a hand on his back as if to ‘coax’ him forward, though naturally he needs no convincing. Lan Zhan steps forward and he only manages to maintain a measured pace by force of habit, and because his knees are shaking so much he’s afraid he would trip if he were to move any faster.

When he reaches the pair he looks up and, after a moment, he holds a hand up as well as he searches desperately for a sign that Wei Ying is just putting on an act for the sake of their ruse. If he is, Lan Zhan can find no fault in it and an interesting mix of dread and deep-rooted affection tangle messily together in his chest. He can do some things alone to fix what went wrong the first time, but he’s afraid that what only he can accomplish won’t be enough to give Wei Ying - and everyone else - the gentler, more carefree life they had intended.

Wei Ying scrubs at his face again and hides in Jiang Fengmian’s shoulder for a moment before he starts wriggling again, this time with the clear intention of clambering down out of his arms. Lan Zhan lets his hand drop again and takes a step back to give Jiang Fengmian room to set Wei Ying down and he somehow looks even smaller like this, standing there hunched inwards and scrubbing at his face even as he reaches out to take Lan Zhan’s hand in his and hold it in a death grip.

Whatever the rest of the adults say over their heads is lost on Lan Zhan as he patiently guides Wei Ying to Madam Lan’s side, his heart hammering in his ears loudly enough to drown everything else out. Whether this boy is ‘his’ Wei Ying or not is utterly irrelevant in this moment. Wei Ying is Wei Ying, and Lan Zhan is utterly devoted to him in any circumstances, in any life they may find themselves in. And right here, right now, he has the chance to love him wholeheartedly from the start, and so he will.

“Let’s go home,” Madam Lan ushers gently, herding the two of them in front of her with careful hands on their backs. They leave the cultivators behind quickly as they take the path that branches off to circle around the main areas of Cloud Recesses and head directly for the residences.

They’re walking along a relatively secluded part of the path and Wei Ying’s sniffles have slowed when Lan Zhan glances at Wei Ying in concern as his hand somehow tightens in his grip even further. All the breath is punched right out of his lungs when he spots that achingly familiar mischievous smirk on Wei Ying’s lips and then, as if that wasn’t enough evidence, Wei Ying winks.

“Wei Ying!” Lan Zhan hisses and the three of them stop dead in their tracks, Wei Ying’s eyes going wide as he darts a wary glance towards Madam Lan still behind them.

“Lan Zhan?”

“Oh wonderful,” Madam Lan says, her smile so wide it warms her voice as well as her features. “That was quite a show, Wei Wuxian, I would expect nothing less after what Zhan-er has told me.”

“...What!?”

“Wei Ying.” Wei Ying’s eyes are still wide and beginning to look a little panicked as he turns his gaze sharply on Lan Zhan again. Lan Zhan glances around to make sure they’re otherwise alone before he steps forward to wrap his arms tightly around Wei Ying’s waist.

And just like that he’s got a Wei Ying-shaped burr clinging to him with every trembling limb, which Lan Zhan is certainly more than okay with.

“Mother knows,” he says as succinctly as he can. “It is alright, Wei Ying.”

“O-oh, okay,” he wavers. Lan Zhan holds him tighter and lets the rabbiting of Wei Ying’s heart calm his own.

“Missed Wei Ying,” he says quietly into Wei Ying’s shoulder and his husband laughs wetly.

Madam Lan delicately clears her throat and cautions, “I don’t want to break this up but we are still on the path, Zhan-er.”

“It’s okay Lan-furen,” Wei Ying is quick to reassure. Lan Zhan releases him with enormous reluctance when he tries to pull away enough to at least put his feet back on the ground. “I’m sorry, I just -“

“You do not need to apologize.” Lan Zhan has the absolute privilege of watching Wei Ying - so small, so cute - blink owlishly up at Madam Lan as he reacts to her affectionate soothing. She takes advantage of his stunned silence to continue. “You two have done the impossible, and I imagine it was as difficult for you to be apart from Zhan-er as it has been for him. There is nothing at all for you to apologize for.”

Lan Zhan is alarmed but not exactly surprised to see Wei Ying’s wide eyes go shiny with unshed tears as he looks up at Madam Lan, his chin wobbling dangerously. Lan Zhan is, after all, well aware both of how deeply Wei Ying’s emotions run under his cheerful veneer as well as how difficult it is to keep such strong feelings in check in these young bodies not yet equipped for it.

“I know that you are technically a grown man and you are capable of a great many things I can’t really imagine, but may I carry you back to the Jingshi?” Madam Lan says next when it’s clear that Wei Ying isn’t going to be able to reply. In the fraction of a second it takes Lan Zhan to blink Wei Ying practically flings himself across the space between them and Madam Lan hurries to scoop him up and put him on her hip, where he immediately burrows into her shoulder like he had been doing with Jiang Fengmian.

Lan Zhan settles in at her side as they begin walking again, one hand stretched up to curl around Wei Ying’s ankle as a silent reassurance for both of them that they’re together again, that this time fate has, against all odds, been merciful.

----

If his companions were anyone else, Wei Ying would have never allowed himself to break down like this. But it’s Lan Zhan, and actually he’s pretty sure that even were Madam Lan not his mother-in-law, even had he not gotten some sort of understanding of her from the few soft recollections he had managed to coax out of Lan Zhan over the years, he still might have been this helpless in the face of the soul-deep kindness she wears openly like an extra layer of robes, warm in the chill of Cloud Recesses.

His relationship with Madam Yu is infinitely better than what it had been in his first childhood, but considering what that had been, that isn’t exactly a glowing endorsement. She doesn’t hate him at least. She is polite to him on occasions that are about half as frequent as her few gentle moments with her own children, but her corrections to his behavior and theirs are always similar. So far she also seems to be uninterested in comparing him to Jiang Cheng, which is truly all he could have thought to ask for, and he’s infinitely grateful for these changes.

But this strange sort of tentative truce with Madam Yu can’t hold the flicker of a candle to the understanding and kindness Madam Lan has already extended to him - he thinks it’s only natural that he would gravitate towards such a presence, even were he not related to her by marriage. For as much as Lan Zhan so clearly loved (and loves) her, his halting moments of extolling her virtues had not prepared Wei Ying for the truth of her. And, much the same as a year ago when he had first allowed Madam Yu to pick him up and hold him - he is still very small, though certainly not as tired as he had been then, and it feels just as wonderful now as it had then to be picked up and held by a mother-figure. No one will ever be able to replace Cangse Sanren and he will long for his mother for the rest of eternity, but he can soothe some of the ache like this.

They reach the Jingshi and Wei Ying doesn’t protest as he’s set down on his feet again, mostly because it leaves him free to turn his full attention to Lan Zhan, standing there in his little robes and his ribbon, appropriately sized for a toddler. He feels giddiness slip in where he had been feeling raw in response to Madam Lan’s kindness and he allows it to take over, to stretch his lips into an impish grin as he darts forward to smash Lan Zhan’s face between his hands.

“Lan Zhan!!” he can’t help but shout, an almost manic joy curling through his chest. He wants to hug Lan Zhan, he wants to run circles around him, he wants to squish his cheeks and gobble him up like a steamed bun. Lan Zhan accepts the full force of his unfettered excitement with his usual fond exasperation, standing still to let Wei Ying walk circles around him to poke him and pinch him and exclaim, “Lan Zhan you’re so cute!! Look at your little hands! And your cheeks!! You’re so small!”

That earns him Lan Zhan’s version of an eye-roll, which means Lan Zhan squints at him with his eyes that are still slightly too big for his tiny features, overwhelming and arrestingly adorable even as he narrows them and says, “Wei Ying is smaller.”

“Aiyah, I know isn’t it ridiculous? At least we already know we’re both going to grow up to be nice and tall. Oh! Lan Zhan!! Let me check your core. Do you feel okay? Any side effects from the array? Did it hurt? Were you scared? Has it been hard to get used to being so tiny? Does anybody suspect anything?”

Lan Zhan doesn’t even bother to try to answer Wei Ying’s rapid-fire questions, he just lifts his hands to pull his sleeve out of the way of his wrist so Wei Ying can press his fingertips to his pulse. The overwhelming strength of his core nearly knocks Wei Ying flat on his ass - not only has he maintained his previous level of cultivation, he’s somehow significantly stronger, and Wei Ying laughs aloud to feel the thundering pulse of it echoing along his own meridians before he withdraws his hand again.

“Lan Zhan you show-off,” he teases as he cackles. “You’ll be an immortal by 15 at this rate!”

“Not by 15,” Lan Zhan sniffs with a bit of disdain, but Wei Ying of course notices that he doesn’t deny that he will at some point stop needing to measure his age as he will simply…continue existing.

“We’ll see - do you do anything at all but meditate?? It feels like you’ve added years to it already.”

“Meditation is an acceptable activity when the Sect expects me to be taking my lessons from Mother.”

“Oooo so smart, Lan Zhan, I should have come up with a way to get out of mine. They’re so boring but I get to take them with A-Cheng so it’s okay.”

Lan Zhan, seemingly reassured that Wei Ying is done poking and prodding at him, chooses that moment to step forward and fold him into another hug and Wei Ying instantly melts into it with a sigh, his arms tight around Lan Zhan’s waist.

“I missed you so much, Lan Zhan,” he whispers softly, such a far cry from his happy yelling of a few moments ago. “I hate being apart.”

“Mn. We will not be so again.”

It’s pretty enough to hear but Wei Ying knows that they’ll have to part again eventually - when this discussion conference is over, for instance, and he’ll be expected to return to Yunmeng with Uncle Jiang. He doesn’t see a need to spoil their reunion with such technicalities, though. Instead he just tucks himself into Lan Zhan and lets himself be held for so long they only pull apart when his stomach growls.

“You need to eat,” Lan Zhan says instantly and Wei Ying laughs, a happy giggle as Lan Zhan pulls him by the hand over to a table and sits him down, a very determined look on his serious little face. And Wei Ying knowsthat they’re adults, they’re grown, they’re fathers - but Lan Zhan is so adorable like this! He can’t resist reaching out to pinch his cheek like he used to do to A-Yuan, which Lan Zhan thankfully allows with very minimal glaring.

“Oh dear,” Madam Lan suddenly laughs and Wei Ying jerks his hand back as he remembers they have an audience, and that said audience is his mother-in-law. “Zhan-er, I didn’t know anyone was allowed to pinch your cheeks. May I?”

“No need,” he harrumphs and retreats, cheeks and ears bright red, and Wei Ying laughs until he falls over onto his back, too relieved and happy to be back with his husband in their home to think about containing himself.

“Lan-furen -” he begins once he has finally composed himself a little, but she immediately waves him off.

“There’s no need for that here. From what I hear you’ve been family for quite some time, and this is just as much your home as it is mine. I believe such official titles are unnecessary here.”

Wei Ying blinks at that, unsure of what exactly he’s supposed to say to that. Thankfully Lan Zhan chooses that moment to return to the table with congee (Lan food, Wei Ying thinks with a mental sigh).

“You are my husband,” Lan Zhan begins with the smallest hint of a smile twitching in his cheeks as he says it. “She is your mother-in-law. Her name is..” Lan Zhan trails off rather uncharacteristically and Wei Ying instantly widens his eyes, eyebrows ticking up with open concern as he makes a questioning noise in the back of his throat. “Her name is Wen Yun. You should call her Yun-gu.”

Wen.

WEN?!

“Wen Yun?!” he yelps once his higher brain functions have marginally returned. “Wen?” he asks again, turning his shocked stare on Madam Lan, who looks as serene as she had before this earth-shattering revelation.

“Zhan-er has told me I have you to thank for providing protection for some members of my family,” she says softly and Wei Ying is unsurprised to find that he’s choking on tears again – he cries a lot these days both for show and simply because it’s difficult not to when his emotions run so high. “Your kindness and your sense of justice will not be forgotten, though I sincerely hope they will not be needed again for this purpose.”

And just like that Wei Ying is sobbing. With the Jiangs and now Lan Zhan returned to him, it seems it’s finally time for him to have the space to grieve for the Wens all over again. He’s done it before, of course - too many times to count. But it hits him anew that this time he hopefully won’t need to, he can save them too this time like he couldn’t before, and his mind suddenly floods with memories he’s been fighting hard for years to keep at bay for his own sanity’s sake.

Wen Qing brushing her slender fingers over the ropes and talismans holding her brother in one piece while Wei Ying had called for his wandering soul over and over. Wen Ning and his gentle face splattered in mud and gore in stark flashes of lighting, his lifeless visage suspended in glistening drops of rain each time the sky lit up. A-Yuan clinging to his legs too many times to count, calling him ‘Xian-gege’ and holding his little arms up to be held. Uncle Four and his wine and his hands so accustomed to farming after a lifetime of coaxing a living from the earth. Granny Wen’s gentle fussing over any- and everyone, her kindness and love for the broken remains of their family. The small cluster of aunties mending everybody’s rough, workworn clothes the best they could with needles he had carved for them out of bones he found while cleansing the planting fields.

“Shh Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan murmurs softly in his ear and Wei Ying becomes aware that he’s not alone, his husband’s tiny arms are wrapped around him and his forehead pressed to his temple. “They are alive, it’s alright. You will see them all again.”

It takes a while longer for the worst of his surge of grief to work its way through him but he manages it eventually. It helps that Lan Zhan – who by now knows well the shape of his grief - refuses to let go of him the entire time, his arms tight around him to hold all the broken pieces of him together until he can do it for himself again. Madam Lan for her part, simply watches and waits with the sort of calm patience Wei Ying has only ever seen in Lan Zhan and Lan Xichen. At least now he knows precisely where it came from.

“I’m s-”

“Do not apologize to me - I can see it in your eyes, ” she says when he can finally muster up the strength to speak. He snaps his mouth shut with a little click and leans heavily into Lan Zhan’s chest, suddenly tired. He has to say, that’s his least favorite part about being a kid again so far - he’s full of energy, full of energy, full of energy, and then all the sudden he crashes with almost no warning. His stomach is still growling though and so he frees one arm to reach out and dutifully start eating the congee Lan Zhan had brought him, his other hand curled tightly into Lan Zhan’s sleeve to keep him right there while he eats.

“We have to save them,” he says quietly when he’s about halfway through his little meal. “I don’t care what it takes. I failed them once, I can’t again.”

“We will,” Lan Zhan soothes. “We will make it so they do not need saving at all, they will flourish.”

Wei Ying finds that he really has nothing to say to that so he simply nods and snuggles closer to Lan Zhan as he finishes eating. He can’t keep himself from yawning widely almost as soon as the last spoonful is gone and Lan Zhan, being Lan Zhan, immediately bullies him up and over towards his bed despite Wei Ying’s laughing protests. In hardly any time at all he finds himself wrapped up in a little blanket burrito too tightly to move.

“Hey,” he protests weakly, already well aware that when Lan Zhan is in a mood like this there’s no swaying him.

“Rest,” he says in a tone that brooks absolutely no argument.

“You can’t really expect me to be able to sleep when I finally found you again,” Wei Ying retorts, though his argument would probably be more impressive were he not blinking long and slow and fighting not to yawn again. Thankfully Lan Zhan just blinks at him for a long moment before he clambers up to join him, laying down on his side facing him to press their foreheads together, the metal cloud in the center of his ribbon warm with his body heat.

“Rest,” he says again, his voice gentle and sweet. Wei Ying can’t help but smile at that, Lan Zhan’s cute little child’s voice, and he loses the fight against his eyelids (and the adrenaline crash) as Lan Zhan reaches up to stroke his hair back from his temple.

He’s not quite sure how long he sleeps for, but when something disturbs his rest it’s still light outside at least, and Lan Zhan is still laying with him with his eyes shut, though whether it’s in sleep or in deep meditation is impossible to tell.

“The boys are sleeping,” Madam Lan says softly. “A-Ying was tired when he calmed down and Zhan-er needed a nap as well, come back for him later.”

“Lan-furen I apologize for the intrusion,” a low voice replies and Wei Ying wakes up a little further as he recognizes it as Jiang Fengmian. “A-Ying has been very afraid of being apart from me since he learned of the discussion conference, I only want to make sure that he’s doing alright.”

“Zhan-er helped distract him from his distress,” Madam Lan replies smoothly and Wei Ying has to duck his head to hide his face in the blankets so he can giggle too quietly for anyone but Lan Zhan to possibly hear. “They’re quite taken with each other, thank you for bringing him with you. I understand that it is not typically done.”

“Thank you for offering to take him for the day. I didn’t think that word had reached ahead that we would have A-Ying with us, it was a…last-minute decision.”

Wei Ying has to hide another giggle as Jiang Fengmian so delicately dances around the truth, which is that the morning of his departure two days prior Wei Ying had clung onto his robes like a burr and wailed and wailed until he and Madam Yu had agreed that his separation anxiety was too strong for him to stay in Lotus Pier while Jiang Fengmian left. It wasn’t entirely a lie, anyway – he still struggled with having any of his family out of his sight for too long. He can’t help but fear that each time will be the last, though he’s getting better with it. He just…hammed it up a bit, just enough to be brought along.

“Oh I didn’t know to expect him,” Madam Lan deflects. “I wanted Zhan-er to practice greeting people he hasn’t met before, we were simply lucky that we were there and that they seem to approve of each other.”

“May I see him?”

“How long does he usually sleep when he naps?”

“A few hours.”

“Ah he should wake soon then. Alright,” Madam Lan allows and Wei Ying closes his eyes again to watch surreptitiously through his lashes as she lets Jiang Fengmian into the Jingshi. It’s…extremely strange to see the man in the space that Wei Ying very much still thinks of as his home despite having lived in Lotus Pier for the last year since the array. Perhaps ‘jarring’ is a better word for this collision of his past and present and…future?

He no longer knows how to think about time. It doesn’t move in an easy, linear fashion for him anymore. His past has become his present and yet he also longs for the things that he and Lan Zhan had left behind when they did this, the things that no longer exist how he knows them. He misses their son and their rabbits and everything that they had been sharing with each other since he woke in Mo Xuanyu’s body. He is a child of Lotus Pier, he runs and laughs and swims and plays with his siblings as any child should. He is the Yiling Laozu, he still remembers the screams of the dead and dying. He has nightmares full of blood and corpses, some of them friends, most of them strangers. He can usually ignore this strange doubling of his life, but here in Cloud Recesses with Jiang Fengmian, the face of Lotus Pier, in the midst of it, it’s…he doesn’t know how to handle it.

Whether it’s because he heard his mother talking, or he’s responding to the sudden tension in Wei Ying’s entire body, or perhaps simply because of lucky timing, Lan Zhan’s eyes flutter open just in time for Wei Ying’s breathing to grow a little too erratic as his heart pounds in his chest.

Lan Zhan nuzzles closer and sneaks a bare ghost of a kiss to his lips, soft as butterfly wings and nothing but sweet, chaste reassurance. As far as Wei Ying is concerned, it shows just as much love and care as every other kiss they’ve shared over the years and it works to remind him that at least he’s not facing this alone. Lan Zhan must be subjected to the same sort of confusion as well, living in their home with his once-long-dead, now-very-alive mother and reconciling the past he remembers with the present they had left behind to become their future once again. Or is it still their future when it won’t happen again?

Wei Ying has spent hours thinking himself in circles worrying over the same questions, his natural inquisitiveness unable to leave the problem alone even though he recognizes that answers to such things are impossible. As far as he’s aware, after all, this has never been done before. He and Lan Zhan only have each other to rely on in this, and while he doesn’t need anybody else it is sometimes disconcerting to realize that for perhaps the first time in either of their lives they are truly alone together against the world.

At least in this one way, he amends, because as Jiang Fengmian approaches the bed and reaches out carefully over Lan Zhan to run a hand through his hair Wei Ying is reminded that though his family will never know or understand what he has faced, they’re still his family. They’re still here. He and Lan Zhan can have their families back at least, even if their loved ones will never know or understand what has happened to them before.

He stirs as if waking and blinks one eye open to squint up at Jiang Fengmian with a little moue, bottom lip sticking out and a frown pinching between his brows.

“A-Ying, it is time to go to our own rooms.”

“No,” he pouts and wriggles one of his arms far enough out of his blanket cocoon to curl his fingers tightly in Lan Zhan’s robes. “Staying with Zhanzhan.”

Lan Zhan’s eyes narrow at him and Wei Ying just barely manages not to crack up at his obvious disapproval of the nickname.

“A-Ying –“

“Zhanzhan is my husband!” he declares and that earns him a wide-eyed glare from Lan Zhan that finally does break his pout into a wide grin. “I want to stay!”

“Oh dear,” Madam Lan tuts from behind her hand and Wei Ying is positivethat it’s to hide a smile. “I did say they were quite taken with each other. Children say such silly things every once in a while, Jiang-zongzhu, I am not offended.”

“A-Ying you are too young to marry. Lan-er-gongzi is not your husband.”

“My husband!” Wei Ying protests and he lets go of Lan Zhan’s robes to instead take his hand, and because Lan Zhan can’t deny him anything he wants he tangles their fingers together, turns onto his back, and sits up and look up at Jiang Fengmian with his solemn little face. Wei Ying watches him blink a few times and then give a decisive nod, slow and ponderous.

“Married to A-Ying.”

It takes everything in his little body not to burst out laughing at the utterly nonplussed look on Jiang Fengmian’s face – in fact he’s trembling with the effort of keeping himself mildly under control, though his grin has certainly crossed over into ‘manic’. He looks at Madam Lan halfway across the room only for her to wink at him and he loses his battle of wills. With all the renewed energy from his nap he manages to squirm out of the blanket Lan Zhan had wrapped him in to throw his arms around his husband and hug him tightly, squishing their cheeks together and looking up at Jiang Fengmian with laughter dancing in his eyes.

“Married to Zhanzhan!”

Jiang Fengmian sighs and closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose and rubbing at his eyes. Wei Ying has absolutely made himself known as a mischievous little sprite of a child over the last year so he’s sure that Jiang Fengmian isn’t surprised, but he’s also quite sure that he’s currently thinking of the propriety and stuffiness of the Lan and wondering just how he’s going to get out of this one. Wei Ying, of course, has no intention of letting this get swept under the rug like a standard childhood affection might.

“Lan-furen,” he begins, sounding pained as he turns around to face her, and Wei Ying takes the opportunity to sneak a quick, silent peck of a kiss to Lan Zhan’s chubby cheek as thanks for humoring him. “I apologize for imposing further but may I leave A-Ying here while I fetch Lan Qiren?”

“May I ask why you would like to involve my brother-in-law?”

“If you are…amenable, it is..not outside of our practices to arrange a betrothal.”

“Really? So young?” she asks and this time she sounds genuinely surprised. Wei Ying is less so as he is, of course, aware of Jiang Yanli’s betrothal to Jin Zixuan since their infancies, but that had been arranged by the close relationship of Yu Ziyuan with her sworn sister, not the choices of the children in question. The idea that a betrothal could be proposed for him and Lan Zhan based first and foremost on their affection for each other isa bit of a surprise, but he’s not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

“If you are opposed of course we need not pursue it, it’s childish fantasy on their part. But I don’t see a reason why we shouldn’t secure a strong allyship between our Sects. If the children are already fond of each other it may one day bloom into a good match.”

Oh Uncle Jiang you have no idea, Wei Ying thinks to himself with poorly-disguised glee.

“Married to Zhanzhan!!” he shouts, practically vibrating with the joy of the idea of being able to make that true literally as soon as physically possible. Of course he knows that that probably means they’ll have to wait until they’re teenagers at least, but that’s worlds better than how long he had made Lan Zhan wait the first time.

“No yelling,” Lan Zhan reminds him softly with a squeeze of his fingers and Wei Ying allows the correction with a nod as he lays his head down on Lan Zhan’s shoulder.

Whether Lan Qiren agrees to a betrothal now or later doesn’t matter. Whether Jiang Fengmian is willing to humor him now with the expectation that he’ll forget about Lan Zhan when they’re no longer in the same place together is irrelevant. What matters is that he has his husband back, and while he knows that he’ll have to leave him behind briefly to return to Lotus Pier, now that he knows they have an ally in Madam Lan he’s sure that he’ll be able to sneak Lan Zhan some letters, and receive some in return. And they’ll grow up together, and they’ll help everyone they can, and Wei Ying is going to get a lifetime to love him with everything he has.

#the untamed fanfic #wangxian #Wei Wuxian #Lan Wangji #Madam Lan #Jiang Fengmian #I know that this is a pretty big time jump from the last two to this one - a whole year!#But I cannot stress this enough that if I get bogged down in actually writing all the details of both of their lives #this will become an impossible project to manage and it would get abandoned probably #So I think I said this in the first extra but I'll say it again - this is much less narrative than AEM because it has to be #Just gonna be hitting the highlights basically

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conaionaru · 4 years

Text

Woman’s game (Ivar the Boneless/Hvitserk)

Does that make me crazy

Synopsis: Skuld is alone with herself and reflects back on her past. Passes the time thinking about murder (as we all do)

Warnings: insanity, slow descent into madness, toxic relationship, prisoner, flashbacks

Tags:

@youbloodymadgenius

Sometimes, time passed slowly; other times, Skuld felt like she had been inside the room for years. She floated above the feeling of consciousness, thinking about everything and nothing at once. She lived her life the best she could, enjoying men, women, money, and alcohol.

In her eyes, there was nothing wrong with her lifestyle. Mother always said to do who and what you love. Being someone's pretty little wife and housewife wasn't for her. She was to be worshipped like a queen and live the happiest life. With Ivar, she could have it all. He looked at her as if she hung the moon and ate out of the palm of her hand.

Give it time, and they would become the most powerful couple alive—Ivar's anger and mind, combined with Skuld's ability to manipulate and flatter. She felt the smile pulling at her lips when she imagined their future—the King and Queen of the World. "All Hail Queen Skuld Ylvasdottir. The most beautiful and powerful of them all." She giggled and brushed through her greasy birdnest of blonde hair.

The grime and dirt were sickening to her, her own waste not that far and no food or water in sight. If they wanted to starve her or were waiting for something, she had no idea. When she wasn't thinking about her future, she planned out Lagertha's downfall, how Skuld would kill her, if she would drag it out or not.

Death and murder were such easy things if you were surrounded by them your whole life. While her brothers were trained in the bolder approach of battle and war, Skuld was taught how to wage war in secrecy. Undermining people, whispering things into their ears, and making them believe it was their idea all along. Her mother taught her five brothers, and life taught Skuld.

The first time she killed, she was not even eleven. Balancing between childhood and womanhood, the girl ran around with the other children. Haldor ran after her like a loyal puppy, the pink-cheeked boy hacking at everything with his wooden sword, saying he will protect her from everything.

The truth was, Skuld didn't need protecting even then. She found out that if you glare at a boy long enough, they will get intimidated and leave. Pretend to be better than them, and their egos make them stutter and curse. Afterward, they are easy prey to ridicule and leave you alone. If not, just threaten them. Years later, the more persistent ones were disposed of during the black of the night and ruled off as an accident.

So at eleven, she ran around carefree, the other shrieking children playing ball. Skuld loved to throw the ball further than the kids could reach or with full force. The stunned face of the child that got hit was always fun, but the crying was annoying. So when the third child broke down crying and run off home, she stopped playing and looked around instead.

The faint chirping of a baby bird could be heard from her left, so she followed the sound till she found the culprit. A baby bird laid under the tree, its wing broken. The mother wouldn't come back for the birdie.

Skuld leaned down to the little thing and cradled it in her palms. It peered up at her, making wounded noises as she looked the wing over. The bone was out, and some feathers were gone. It would survive, but what was it worth if it can't fly. That all a bird is meant for.

It would slowly starve to death and die. What a cruel fate that would be. "Skuld, come on!!! I don't want to play alone." Haldor yelled at her exited, the ball in his hands. The girl's blue eyes watched the distressed animal in her hands. There was no way to help him. She can't just raise it till it dies of old age.

"Skuld!" She could hear footsteps approaching and her mother's voice calling them for dinner. So Skuld tutted at the small bird in a soothing voice and closed it in her palms. The bird pecked at her soft hands, trying to get free. She tightened her hold and slowly squeezed the life out of it. "Skuld, come eat!"

When her mother found her and looked into her hands, she found the bird with its snapped neck. Her daughter looked at the animal with empty eyes. "Why did you do that?"

"Mercy. It would die anyway. Why let it suffer?"

Skuld chuckled at the memory and looked down at her arms; bloody scratches ran down her arms. She doesn't really remember giving them to herself. She recalls hugging herself from the cold and then the blood running down her arms.

Maybe she was as broken as the bird she killed. Mercy, that's what she called it. Who would show her the same favor? Would they let her slowly lose her mind before she starved to death? Putting her out of her misery would be nicer. What did she ever do to deserve this treatment? She was a royal guest to Aslaug. What reason does Lagertha have to lock her up and slowly kill her?

Skuld was like a crippled bird trapped and doomed. She killed him, and he got a proper Viking burial. Would they do the same to her?

"Don't you ever laugh as the hearse goes by,

For you may be the next to die."

She giggled at the song that she heard when she was small. It was sung by some slave that was sacrificed in her father's honor. The old woman seemed at peace with death, so serene as they cut her throat. Would Skuld die the same way? Without putting up a fight when her body was too weak to save her? She doubted it, all the conflict in her way too stubborn to let go. Fuck them all; they won't take her dignity and sanity. She won't let them win.

Revenge was something her mother despised. Maybe that's why Ragnar Lothbrok survived, or perhaps Ylva gained more than she lost. After all, an Earldom for a husband was a fair trade. Even if it left you with six children, you have to raise on your own. But no matter who wronged Ylva, she gave them a quick death and never mentioned it again.

The faster it was over, the better. She would gather her warriors, wage war, and win the battle. Quick revenge, expected, but easily won. Skuld wasn't like that. When someone wronged her, no matter how dire, she would wait and then strike.

When she was a child, not younger than ten, a boy made fun of her for not having a father. Carefully she made her plan and waited for her moment. Within the year it came. The next winter, the boy was an outcast, ridiculed for his destroyed reputation.

Destroying a man's reputation was essentially harder than a woman's. Call her a whore, pay off a few people to say she did bad deeds, or was a witch, and she was done for. With men, it was more difficult. Loose morals were, for some reason, praised in boys and men. The more women he slept with, the better. But if he has no honor and no fighting skill, then he is shunned.

So she set him against Haldor, dressed as a commoner. The twelve-year-old boy believed he lost against a smaller thin farmer's child. Haldor had better training and thought the fight to be a game. A good excuse to be as dirty as he wanted.

The other boy was laughed at, and when news came out to the young girls of Yugar, he couldn't charm any girl for years after. The other men and boys ridiculed him, and the rumors grew worse. Now he fights alongside Skuld's brothers in the shield wall. Sometimes she still wonders if he ever found out it was Haldor who beat him and not a farmer.

Skuld's revenge on Lagertha would take time as well. She had all the time in the world to plan it. Undermining the bitch and killing off her shieldmaidens was a good start. Make her doubt her security and allies till she went grey from worry. Skuld giggled at the thought and hid her face in her hands.

The door to the hut opened, and the sun burned her eyes. She hissed at the bright light and shielded her eyes with her hand, till a figure did the job instead. Lagertha stood before her in a red gown, surrounded by her shieldmaidens. "Lady Skuld of Yugar. The little lion cub. I am sorry for the lack of hospitality. I had a lot to do."

"I am sure overtaking a kingdom is a lot of work. You could have spared yourself the responsibility and stayed Earl Ingstad." Skuld mussed with a shrug, looking up at the Queen from her spot on the ground. She shakily stood up and glared at the shieldmaiden.

"I took what was rightfully mine."

"And what do I have to do with it? I didn't take your kingdom or husband. All I did was fuck his son. Not yours, of course. I do have boundaries." Skuld chuckled and watched Torvi glare at her. What's her problem? I said I didn't fuck Bjorn.

Lagertha smiled at her and signaled with her hand. Two shieldmaidens walked in, one holding a dress and another a tray with food and drink. Neither was fitting for someone of Skuld's status or hunger. "It is simply a precaution. Your mother may be on good grounds with Bjorn, but she hated Ragnar. I do not know how she stands with me. Keeping you safe is my priority now."

Skuld chuckled and stepped closer, the shieldmaidens moving to protect Lagertha. What do they think I would do? Throw shit? Now that's a thought she could save for desperate times. "Ah yes, and starving me in a dark room with no chamber pot or water is so nice of you. If you think this will help your relationship with my mother, you are an utter fool."

"You haven't been exactly compliant either. You killed my shieldmaidens. Two, to be exact." Astrid answered for Lagertha. Skuld scoffed and shifted on her feet to seem less threatening.

"I come from a line of warriors. So I tend to attack and kill those who try to kidnap me. Sorry." Skuld obviously meant the last word to be mocking as she wasn't sorry at all.

"You were close to Aslaug and her sons. Keeping you secluded is the safest option, especially with you acting out. It is better for everybody. With your history." She sat down in her old spot and raised the cup of water to her cracked lips.

She looked at Lagertha with a raised eyebrow. "My history? Are you calling me a whore?"

"I am calling you a dangerous woman with love for violence and death. My actions didn't warm your heart to me either. So it is best to keep you in here till your mother returns."

"That could be months."

"So you better get used to your new home." Astrid mocked, causing Skuld to smirk and sip at the water.

"I hope you will mention my actions to your mother. After all, I could have had you executed."

Skuld chuckled and leaned back against the wall. In a fast movement, she threw the cup at Lagertha. "Get out, you hateful bitch! I hope you rot in Hel for eternity!"

The Queen turned on her heel, offended, and left with some of her warriors. The door closing behind them. Skuld sat there for a while, breathing heavily. Astrid looked at the girl with soft eyes, frowning at the dirty state she was in. "If you do as you are told and reign your temper in, you will get out of here faster."

Skuld chuckled and looked at the female with disdain clear in her eyes. "Manipulating me into liking you isn't going to work, Astrid. It wouldn't work either. It isn't my mother, Lagertha fears. She fears me." Skuld hissed, leaning forward, spit flying out of her mouth as her blue eyes grew wild. She looked like a rabid animal about to pounce.

"Nonsense."

"I fucked Aslaug's favorite son; I won her favor and Ivar's interest. I got my claws into Kattegat's population, the very people that your precious Queen wants to rule over. If I willed it, I could make them overthrow her. Which is no intention of mine, but Lagertha can't be certain of that. So she locks me up, maybe to starve me till my mother returns. Until then, she will gather a big enough force to beat an Earl."

Astrid smirked at her deduction and turned on her heel to leave. "You would have never been a hostage if you just didn't sleep with Ivar. Lagertha would have never noticed you if you didn't strive so high." She laughed, and Skuld shared her amusement.

With a creepy smile on her dirty face, the Earl's daughter sung the verse that gave her hope.

"Don't you ever laugh as the hearse goes by,

For you may be the next to die."

Astrid frowned at the threat and left the room, closing Skuld in the darkness again. She sighed and looked up at the ceiling to calm her racing heart. "Since when had getting laid such a high price? I should have gone to bed instead." She groaned and collapsed back on the floor to catch some sleep.

#history vikings #vikings #original character #original female character #ivar the boneless #ivar ragnarsson #ivar lothbrok #ivar #hvitserk lothbrok #Hvitserk Ragnarsson #hvitserk x oc #Hvitserk #ivar x oc

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halothenthehorns · 3 years

Text

All in the Family

Chapter 118: Christmas on the Closed Ward

The walls were the same shade of amber as her eyes. The duvet on the bed was a faded unicorn pattern from her childhood she should have been embarrassed at everyone seeing.

Potter was admiring her poster of The Three Toads he'd landed in front of, grinning in surprise they had at least similar taste in music it seemed.

Regulus was prodding a lava lamp her dad had gifted her, but she couldn't even watch the blue and yellow goo go up and down.

The bedroom was opulent, none of them even landed within arm's reach of each other, Remus noticed gratefully as he quickly brushed at his eyes and was grateful he'd gotten himself together.

The carpet was solid gold, and very fluffy, as Padfoot landed on it with only a huff.

Instead she was gasping, shuddering, and generally falling to pieces as it caught up to her where they'd been trapped. 'You're being ridiculous,' her mind coolly informed her. 'You didn't even flinch when you found this out, why are you crying now?'

Because being told she was insane in this future and not having contact with her son was different than being trapped in that ward like they'd just been! They were out now, she kept telling herself, but it didn't feel like it. They were still trapped in this mess. They couldn't go to their next class and keep whispering or passing notes like there was no world outside the school, or go hunt down Barty Crouch Jr., Bellatrix, Rabastan, and Rodolphus Lestrange right now to cease this from ever being a possibility. Stuck in this limbo, it really hit her she didn't want to be strong anymore. She just wanted to cry.

Had Frank's mother refused to bring Neville there, or brought him every other weekend to people who didn't even recognize him? Which was worse? What of her mother and father? Every detail of that place felt burned into her brain as she once again found herself stuck on the fact it had been Frank's family photos about, had she any family left that hadn't all been killed in some gruesome way, or in the bed next to her?

"Alice, darling, what-" Frank tripped over himself trying to get to her, pulling her tight to his chest as his mind floundered why she'd be having such a severe reaction to Harry Potter's dilemma. Yeah, being possessed by You-Know-Who was awful in its own right, but she'd been the most vehement since the beginning this wasn't a future set in stone for any of them.

He pulled gently until they were sitting on the bed which Lily quickly vacated, having landed on it and studying pictures on the ceiling in surprise before she realized what she was seeing. Alice and a woman who must be her mother, the two in matching dark pigtails and laughing. Alice and a man with her amber eyes trying to lick ice cream from their own noses.

Now she was forced to watch as tears kept falling from her eyes with no clue what had caused it any more than Frank's wild look around for some sort of cause.

"Guess it wouldn't help her to feel better if I said I think her room looks cool," Potter offered, rubbing the back of his neck.

Lily wanted to hex him, making a joke at a time like this, but instead she ignored him and went on her other side, trying desperately to think of anything to comfort her like Alice had done for her countless times since this had started.

To her utter surprise though, Alice tried to laugh. She was nuzzling into Frank's side and holding Lily's hand, but actually trying to sniffle back the sobs and look around like she was just noticing it all for the first time like them.

"What happened darling?" He begged, brushing at her short hair desperately as she tried to get herself under control. They'd been stuck in that room the whole time, she'd even been trying to get him to come look at something before they were vanished away. Had there been a cursed object in there that had hurt her?

"I," she hardly wanted to say the words, like leaving him ignorant would be some saving grace. She wouldn't hide this away though, she'd never hid anything from him and she wasn't going to start now. The words caught in her throat regardless of her intentions, she didn't know how to say it. "That room," she tried again, but then she just kept seeing that baby picture of Neville in Augusta Longbottom's arms, like it was the last thing she'd ever seen before she lost her mind, and she couldn't say it.

Frank felt like a miserable friend, let alone boyfriend, he still wasn't getting it.

"Did you want us to leave?" Peter offered quietly. He was by her door, which he'd cracked open to find the rest of her house available.

"If you'd like," she tried to hide the fact she was wiping snot off on her shoulder by passing it off as a shrug. "There's three bathrooms, one down the hall in mum and dad's room, the other across the hall, and the last down under the stairs. You can help yourself to anything you like in the kitchen."

They all trailed out slowly, each wishing they could say something, but though she'd been kind and gentle to all of their troubles, they couldn't think of a word to say back at the moment either. Lily hesitated going last, giving her hand a questioning squeeze, but Alice just held tight back, she could stay of course, she really wasn't trying to hide this.

The lack of the others didn't really help Alice order her thoughts any better, she hadn't a problem speaking this to any of them, but she was still trying to put how to say it in her head in the least brash way possible for several moments as James started reading.

That same chill lodged back into place when she heard the chapter title. Arthur was still in that hospital. Somehow, someway, Harry was going to find her and her husband in there. "Oh Frank," she finally forced it out, she wanted him to hear it from her before then. "I, think- no. We were just on the closed ward, that's why it wouldn't open."

It only took another moment for it to click in him, and he went rigid in shock.

Lily gasped and tried to pull her into a hug, but Frank pulled her to him entirely and whispered, "glory, I, didn't even notice, how, what-"

"I saw, our, I mean, the, things around those beds," her voice died by the end, and she was grateful he didn't ask her to elaborate. She didn't want to keep trying to refer to that place, it would only make it more real.

"Oh Alice," Lily's hands were flitting desperately for any kind of comfort, and settled for patting her on the back. It was always Sev comforting her, he didn't like talking about his problems much at all. "It's not our future, you told me that. This will not be happening to you, either of you!"

"I'm not so sure anymore," she whispered, explaining Percy's room to her.

"That, that doesn't mean," Frank stopped and started as if in physical pain. "What, you think when we're done with Harry's seven years we'll travel through his whole life and be stuck in here forever? Or that we'll go back to school and lose all memory of this? I, no, I cannot believe, this has to mean something!"

"I'm so sorry," Lily whispered in horror. "This is all my fault, I've never forgotten that fact, but I'll, I'll do anything to fix this. We have to end up back in that Potions room eventually, and I'll, I'll fix this, I swear!"

"Lily no," Alice said at once, finally almost wriggling free of Frank as she turned to face her, though he still had his hands on her hips. "I don't blame you, nobody does! It was a stupid accident, it happens in a magical school."

At least Alice finally seemed to feel a smidge better as she smiled at the two, hugging them both firmly before getting up and heading towards her closet and determinedly brushing the last of the tears from her eyes. She certainly was going to take this time to get out of her days-old clothes.

Frank watched her go with a fire lodged in his chest. He would stop this from happening to her, no matter what.

Lily sighed and brushed at her hair as she thought it all over again anyways. She knew she could remake her half of the potion without a problem, it was Lupin's part that would be the experimental phase. It's what her and Sev had spent so much of their free time doing, but these past two months it was practically all they could stand to do together without arguing. Her stomach clenched uncomfortably as she wondered if she'd just make it worse by trying something again, she seemed to have that effect on everything.

Padfoot went limping out of the room last, and had to crane his neck all the way up to see Remus and James thanking Peter for something, both things a spectacle in themselves. Remus held his hand out and took whatever from him, and the other two went down the stairs while Moony tapped him on the nose. Regulus hesitated at the top of the landing, but didn't follow them in as Remus closed the door.

"Come in here you," he whispered gently, going to the door across. The bathroom was apparently under some kind of remodeling. The floor was solid concrete, but the double sink was marble white and had shiny new taps in place that must not have ever been used and more counter space than really should have been necessary. The multipurpose shower bath steam cubicle was sectioned off by a tempered glass door and looked big enough all eight of them could have fit in there as another squashed space.

Remus closed the toilet lid and patted it expectantly, but when Padfoot just looked at him, he quietly asked, "like some help?"

Every last dignity in him wanted to snap no, but really he'd only hesitated because he had no idea what Moony was up to. Lingering worry for him back at the hospital had been the only thing getting him this far in rather than going downstairs for food. He looked perfectly normal, but there was still an aura of guilt surrounding him. He played along if Remus wanted to finally put all that Madam Pomfrey fussing to his own use and check his wounds, which he assumed was going on here. He didn't like his chances much under the fur.

He went over, and made the small hop up, rather glad he wasn't human for how badly that burned his muscles like new and clenching his jaw instead to hide a whimper. Remus's gentle fingers went carding through his fur, but he'd guessed right, he was barely getting down to the skin, let alone getting a good look at the new scars he'd have.

He sighed in defeat and pocketed a little jar, but before he could jump down, Remus got down on his knees so they were on eye level, and held his head carefully like he was made of spun glass. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, and Padfoot was stunned to see tears in his eyes.

Sirius almost broke his promise to James. He would not let Remus beat himself up over this, it had been his decision! Remus would hate himself though, possibly even dangerously so, if he killed them any more than he'd almost done to Longbottom or even Snape. Comforting Remus like this was also the most perfect answer, so he instead leaned forward and used the side of his long snout to nudge against the back of Remus's head, pressing him into his chest. He couldn't actually hold him, but it should have been all that was needed regardless. They'd known full well what they were getting into when they became Animagi, and he didn't regret a single second of it.

Moony's arms came up and circled him tight, and Padfoot hummed in pleasure and let his tail wag just for show, getting the slightest chuckle out of him.

James reading the book didn't even make them spring guiltily apart this time, Remus's hands stayed in tight fists in his thick fur until his breaths finally evened back out to normal, but as Harry's fear ramped up to paranoid levels and he started taking advice from Phineas Nigellus of all paintings, the two finally eased off of each other and went to go check on him, Sirius didn't even lick his neck just to gross him out.

They went down the stairs to see their friend being plenty distracted though, Peter was trying in vain to stop the two dark haired boys lopping bits of their own skin off as they investigated a potato peeler.

"-I'm impressed they've even got this here," Peter was saying as he showed them properly again.

"We'll have to ask her," James agreed, alternatively reading a sentence and attempting this, and scraping against his thumb again. He cursed and dropped the whole spud in the trashcan amongst his half-peeled, now blood flecked flesh.

"I swear you and Padfoot share a brain cell," Remus sighed as he went over to show him again. "You're going to be out of fingers before we're done with this."

The injured digits from his long-ago electrical burn were not as faded as they would have liked, though everyone else's injuries had mostly gone with time. He wondered if it was the electrical component to the injury that stopped it healing amongst the several healing charms they'd used on themselves by now.

Padfoot barked in protest while James shared a sad grin with him. He was already missing his idiot brother's stupid commentary, though perhaps it was best he couldn't show his face during the bit where Harry had to be pulled out of his depression by his friends rather than his godfather even noticing, that stung all of them quite a lot. This future version of Sirius seemed so cold in comparison to his brother, he'd only ever seen Sirius that distant when they'd been arguing, he couldn't imagine why he was acting this way towards Harry. He turned quickly back towards the book, they had no answer except this one regardless.

By the time the other three came down the stairs, detailed Christmas presents were being given, and Peter had finished prepping enough sandwiches for several more stops.

"Alright Prongs, I'm done, stop trying to lacerate yourself already," he called, but when he didn't come over to place the preservation charms on them to keep them good while he wrapped up the last one, he glanced up to see Evans had once again caught his eye.

She must be wearing some of Alice's things, the redhead was much taller than her so her midriff showed in the silver top she wore and the billowing green skirt still showed a bit of her ankles.

"Hey Alice, why do you have a potato peeler?" Remus asked. She had on new clothes too, a wooly beige jumper and sweatpants.

"My dad works in the Muggle-Worthy Excuse committee," she shrugged, "he can't say it's a foolproof excuse if he doesn't test out a few theories himself. He remodels the house all the time for different scenarios, and we've a bunch of Muggle stuff hanging around, though not as much as Arthur I'm sure."

"How'd giving Sirius that stuff go?" Regulus directed at Lupin. Peter had told him that's what they were still upstairs doing, but he'd been so fascinated by the little whirly device he hadn't even seen them come in.

"Fur's too thick, just like his head, can't get the stuff on," Remus sighed.

Padfoot huffed in indignation, and they all looked down as they wondered just how much of an earful they were going to get from him when he finally changed back.

Remus just smiled in anticipation of that and turned to smack Prongs. He reluctantly dragged his eyes away as Evans went over to Peter and offered to do the Charm, it really was his weakest class so he let her without protest.

When Hermione announced who her last present was for, they were all very familiar with that rumbling growl from the grim-looking dog, and when they got down to Kreacher's room, and his shrine, there was a nasty silence even he couldn't drown out.

Regulus winced, wishing he could hide his house-elf behind him. Kreacher didn't know any better, just like he hadn't when all this started. His servant had been his only friend in that place these last three years while Sirius had been at school and ignoring him at home, surely if he just explained to his elf things had to change he'd go along with it, and burn those particular artifacts.

He took an uneasy breath, and stopped Potter as he shook himself and tried to keep going.

"I'm sorry for him, I won't let him keep those," he told them both sincerely.

Frank didn't seem sure how to respond to that other than smiling awkwardly and trying to wave Potter on, the less they dwelled on it the better, but he went to go sit at the table with the lot of them to prove there were no hard feelings. Alice sat on his lap and reached over to give the kid's arm a squeeze in thanks, quickly drawing her hand back so he wouldn't notice it shaking as the lot made another trip up to the hospital.

She swallowed painfully and sat back against Frank's chest as it all started not a page later. Arthur tried some Muggle experimental way to heal himself, and the kids all bolted from Molly's shouting. They got turned around, and ran into Lockhart.

Even Lily burst out in surprised, and a tad righteous laughter as they all thought this was great fun and payback, but Frank's skin was already turning sallow and Alice was half-tempted to excuse them back up to her room so they wouldn't have to see the others' faces when they realized.

They were delayed as James sat gazing at her long after her laughter had subsided and she rolled her eyes at him, she'd been hoping the Slytherin colors would at least minorly deter him. Then she shot Alice a stern look, trying to tell her he was always like this and it didn't mean anything, but really caught sight of them.

Alice denied herself the getaway as she glanced at them, and the fear that flashed in her green eyes said she'd already put it together. They couldn't leave now, the last thing either of them wanted was this group whispering pitifully about them and dragging this out further.

She couldn't bring herself to offer to take the book though as the trio and Ginny reluctantly followed their old DADA teacher in, and the recant of a much more lively version of the place they'd waste away in was described. A part of her wanted to do it to make this go faster, pretend she couldn't feel any pitying gazes she knew would be coming, but again the words jammed up in here before she had the chance.

Frank wasn't doing much better as the truth slowly sunk into the rest of them. To Potter's credit, he only hesitated a moment before glancing at them and putting together what must have been going on when they'd been alone. When both just nodded, he plowed on in the same diligent way he had been reading through his own son's life that he cared for so much, a soft, but steady determination.

This was not the future any of them would have chosen, but James still wanted it all to be true on just the smallest level, that he and Lily were destined to have Harry at the same time as Alice and Frank would have Neville. They'd go forward remembering every heinous detail, and fix every one of them. Their boys would grow up happy and never knowing what had almost been.

#Harry Potter #fanfiction #Reading the books #HP #The Marauders #OotP #Wolfstar #Jilly #James Potter #Remus Lupin #Padfoot #Sirius Black #Peter Pettigrew #Alice Smith #Frank Longbottom

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roguephoenix85 · 3 years

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Final chapter - is Ymir badly written or is it something else? (spoiler for the end of SNK)

TW: mentions of child abuse, sexual abuse

So I’ve seen a few people confused, upset, and a little angry about the explanation for Ymir “loving” Fritz as the reason why things were as they were, and claiming it’s bad writing and rushed and what have you. I don’t claim to know all the nuances and in and outs of long form storytelling such as Attack on Titan, but I do know some things about being a victim of brainwashing, abuse, and defending the people who abused me. Some are saying it’s Stockholm syndrome, and while I don’t necessarily disagree, it’s a bit more nuanced than that. Because I did everything I could to get away from my family that hurt and abused me, but I still kept them in my life for some inexplicable reason, year after year, involving them in it and divulging information to them that they would use to harm me psychologically and mentally for their amusement and sense of power and superiority. Why? Everyone outside of my family who observed it could see that they were shitty and awful and I didn’t need them. But after 30 years of being told I’m incompetent, no one loves me like they would, I can’t take care of my life responsibly like an adult would, and that I’ll never have enough money to live unless they helped (and the condition of their help was to give them control over my care - they picked doctors, therapists, everyone, that would give them the diagnoses they wanted so it would be an easier case to be declared legally incompetent and have my mother control my financial and housing freedom), I had internalized it to such a degree that I truly believed those things about myself. My depression and suicidal thinking sprung from the conflict that this treatment wasn’t right vs. but they’re your family and they love you so they MUST be right, you MUST be an evil child to be controlled, and YOU’RE the problem. When that is all you know, you think that it’s love. Because the love you receive is conditional upon subservience.

Ymir wanted love and the only “love” was from the king once she acquired power. As much as she wanted the love she observed the only love available was manipulative and abusive. If you’ve never known actual unconditional love, you’ll take anything that you’re given. That’s why I was raped. That’s why I was molested. That’s why I allowed myself to compromise myself to stay with people who only sought to use and manipulate me for their own ends.

Because there was none around me. And when you’re terrified of death and attached to the world, wanting and hoping that someday something good will finally happen, you latch on to people, ideas, objects that end up doing more harm than good to you, because all you know is that abuse is what love is. Mistreatment is the norm. But inside, you know it’s not right. Something doesn’t feel right. So you hope. You pick the first person who gives you any value, even if it’s your value to them and not your own inherent value you’ve found for yourself. You never truly live for yourself. You’re living so that others will give you your value. Because when you did do things for yourself - you’re ridiculed. You’re betrayed. You’re humiliated and abused more. You’re kicked so much that you go back, again, and again, because the humiliation is worse than just letting them do what they want to you. That’s what happened to Ymir. The one time she did something she wasn’t “supposed to”, what happened? She got hunted and almost murdered. And when she found that power, she had value to her oppressor. Her tribe betrayed her to save themselves. This “king” tried to have her killed. But she found power. And once she had power, her abusers sought to capitalize on it. She had no one. So when you gain power and all of a sudden you have value to someone? You latch on. Because now you’re important. Now you’ve elevated yourself. But that value isn’t something for YOU. It’s something that is for the benefit of someone who only values you when you’re doing something for them.

I’ve noticed a lot of “I don’t get why Ymir would love the king, that’s bad storytelling”. My mother is a sociopath and allowed my molestation when I was a child because “everyone else went through worse and you’re a nasty little girl” - to a nine year old. She schemed to take my inheritance away from me. When my visitation with my father was over for the weekend, she would abuse and manipulate me for three days after every visit to “get me back to where I needed to be.” I would be choked, slapped, hit, have my room ransacked and destroyed if I didn’t comply with her wishes. When I wanted to kill myself because I found no solace with friends, teachers, therapists (that my mother sought out and paid for because she wanted someone to declare me incompetent or bipolar so she could take away my legal rights and exert control over every aspect of my life), neighbors, no one, even my own stepfather told me I was stupid for wanting to kill myself and that I’m ungrateful for everything. I would later discover this man was a heroin addict for longer than I had even been alive and that the only reason my mother stayed with him was because he had a large inheritance that would come to him and she could easily have his power of attorney taken away from him and control him because hey, he’s a drug addict and can’t be trusted. Better to let her take care of it all, right?

And even after all of this, I loved her. Well, I used to. I would keep wanting her love and respect because to give it up meant I had no value to anyone. The two significant others that I did have didn’t really love me, my last one was also a sociopath who convinced me to snort adderall, take hallucinogens, and stole my car to commit sexual assault against a mutual friend who had been assaulted not even 6 hours prior by someone else. When all you know is abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, and harming yourself to get a modicum of dignity and respect and love, of COURSE you stay. Because no one else loves you, right? You’re worthless and stupid and have no value except to me. I’m the only one who can love you. I’m the only one who can use you properly. Just do what I say and what I want and don’t complain or worse will happen to you. Families don’t do this to each other, you’re just mad that I’m better than you. Choices are hard, let me make them for you because clearly you can’t handle the “real world.”

When you are told these things and unduly punished for pushing back against it, of COURSE you think it’s love. Because no one is giving it to you otherwise. They isolate you, triangulate you so you HAVE to go back to them. And you do it. Because there’s nothing else around you showing you otherwise. It’s only when you share the story with others, or view it through the lens of someone else, that you understand how fucked it truly is. Under the under, Ymir is a child. She’s a child who wants to be loved. And all she’s known is manipulation and abuse. For thousands of years, because each “founder” was just her original abuser in a new body. Like Zeke.

Until Eren. Who saw her story, and instead of using her, validated her. Saw her experiences through an objective lens and said ENOUGH OF THIS. This is WRONG. It’s SICK. And it won’t end unless I do this. Until I give her the choice to break free. All it takes is one person to listen to you and hear you and your world is changed. But she never appeared as she did when she died. She was still a hurt child beholden to her abusers. And in this instance, the only thing that could make it stop is destroying it completely.

Is genocide wrong? Yes. Is scapegoating an entire race of people in the name of world unity wrong? Yes. Is using children for war and power and brainwashing them wrong? Yes. This world is cruel. It always was. That’s been the thesis of this story from day one. But. It’s also beautiful. But you have to allow that beauty in. You have to show it to people. Ymir wasn’t able to see any of it until it was far too late, but not from her own conscious choice. She’s just a child who wants to be loved and only found manipulation. And was scared of “death” because that meant there was no love in the world. None for her. Her existence was to be used and fucked to death metaphorically. And when that’s the only love you’re given and told to expect, you hold on to it and believe there’s nothing better.

Until someone or something objective comes along, hears your pain, shares it, validates it, and then tells you it’s fucked up that that’s how you were forced to live. When everything you’ve known is a fucking lie, you do want to scorch the earth somewhat. All these people that could have helped you and they said fuck you, I’ll use you too. Standing up to your abuser is scary. I’m currently suing my mother now, and I’ve been terrified of her retaliation even though I’m 35. Because she has money and people she can manipulate into harassing me on her behalf. Even though I’ve taken as many precautions as I can, there’s still things she can do - ensure I get none of my inheritance, destroy my childhood memories, slander me publicly, fly out to where I live and stalk me or have others stalk me, or find people loyal to her to assert that I should be declared incompetent because of my autism, even though I have my own doctors I see now who disagree with that sentiment. It’s scary, but it’s right. But I’m also an adult now, and when I realized that my stepfather was telling everyone in the family that when he was high on ketamine I convinced him to murder my birth father, and that it was MY IDEA, and that my mother lied about reporting my sexual abuse to DHS because she wanted to protect her brother, his kid that abused me, and their family over me, and also had me lie about my birth father abusing me by convincing me “Oh it was so traumatic you can’t remember” so she could get custody of me just because she hated him, I finally said enough. But I didn’t have an Eren to help me make that decision. Or a Mikasa to do what needed to be done.

Ymir is still just a child mentally. Separation from that, especially when you’re a child and have no other allies in the world and you’re told worse could happen to you if you separate from your abusers, is difficult. And sometimes nonsensical. I know a lot of people were confused as to why I would still try to involve my mother in my life after the insanely fucked up shit she would do. But you don’t know any better when you’re the target. My reasoning is that I’m an adult now and I have a life of my own I’ve built despite her. Ymir didn’t have, or didn’t understand, that choice. So she stayed. Asking for breadcrumbs of love and respect and dignity from lesser beings. To quote Chelsea Hart “You want to be worshipped by a goddess without having to be a god.” She had the power, and she didn’t know what to do because she was a child. So she gave away her power. And by then it was too late to be properly reasoned with. The only way to stop it was to destroy all of it. Because when you’re a child you don’t have the benefit of retrospect. You have a limited view of the world because you’re a child. You’ve been sheltered and told manipulative bullshit to keep you down, so breaking free is the radical thing. And when you’re a child, you don’t know moderation. You’re impulsive and your emotional intelligence is limited. So of course the rumbling is the result. But you also think you still love your abuser. Because that’s all you know truly, and when you don’t see it until it’s too late, this is the result. It’s tragic, but Isayama never said this was a happy story. And considering how he WAS going to end it, giving who remains another chance at life and evening the playing field by having Paradis’ army now be comparable to the opposition army, and having the curse of the Titans eliminated from the world, that’s a pretty good ending for them.

I mean, isn’t that what Eren’s goal was since he was a child? To eliminate the Titans from the Earth? I’d say that mission is fully accomplished now.

#snk meta #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk chapter 139 spoilers #snk ch 139 #I thought the ending was fine and appropriate to what he built up #but a lot of people don't seem to understand the pull of a deeply manipulative abusivve relationship and it shows #so I wanted to give context since them saying ymir staying with him is bad writing #it's not bad #it's just outside of certain scopes of imagination and experience #people who grew up in normal households have a harder time understanding why people stay with abusers #and some of the victims will claim its love #and i thought i was being loving by understanding her #but when the truth came out i had to be my own eren and mikasa #and i had and am still learning what true understanding caring and empathy are #getting rid of the bullshit from my mind #but for those who haven't experienced that kind of trauma and abuse yeah it pry seems poorly written and inconceivable #but i'm here to say it's not that crazy and not necessarily bad writing or characterization #it's just a deeply traumatic abusive relationship that one has no other workable context for besides you know its wrong but no one else will #give you what you need #so you take it where you can and hope that it's the right love #but it never is #hopefully this illuminates that choice for some of you guys

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saladejin · 4 years

Text

Call An Uber? | 21

BTS x Reader | idolverse au, uber driver!Reader, translator!Reader | Fluff, flirting, super slow burn, angst and hurt/comfort, mature themes and eventual smut

Summary: Your normal life with a normal, yet inconsistent job gets drastically changed when your dreams come true. Sounds boring right?

What happens when all of this occurs, but you’re still doing something you love AND getting a large sum for it? Now there’s something to think about, and it’s definitely not what you’re thinking.

Warnings: Angst with some fluff, cursing

Word Count: 3k

A/N: Re-reading this through is so weird to me. I’m sorry for all the angst, I hope you guys forgive me T_T

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Bold = English

Books, clothes, equipment… It didn’t matter what was, if it was in my way it was getting shoved in my haste to reach the phone. It was like I could feel the storm of anger awaiting me on the other side of the hotel door, but priorities did come first. Soojin could go fuck herself for all I cared at the moment.

My thumb hovered over the tiny green telephone symbol for longer than necessary. Was it urgent enough to put above my job at the moment? I wouldn’t be surprised if my mother had just pocket called me or drank a little too much. It was too strange to have any positive implications. To be frank, I was probably trying too hard to convince myself otherwise because the opportunity to stall was too tempting to ignore.

Anyone who knew me well would know just how much I loved to procrastinate problem solving. Long lasting ones weren’t an exception in any case.

“(Y/n), you finally showed up.”

What? Fuck, I must have tapped it while I was lost in my brain.

“Mother,” I responded through gritted teeth.

Trepidation weighed my tone down to the floor.

Then there was a silence that made me feel as unsure as ever. If you asked me to explain the feelings caused by the echoingly empty sound, I couldn’t tell you. It was as if she was carefully handpicking her next words. Tiptoeing so cautiously around her thoughts, just in case I didn’t like what she had to say and barred myself away once more.

She’s too foolish to understand that I can see through her, even if she’s not physically here.

I fiercely fought down the urge to grind my teeth in anger and chose to wait patiently instead. If she had to take the time to think about what she was saying, then she obviously wanted to be in my favour somehow. I could not for the life of me understand how she’d possibly thought that was a scenario that existed, but apparently it did.

“Honey … how have you been these days?”

A surge of bile bubbled up through my windpipe. This problem was becoming borderline toxic.

“You better get to the point before I hang up,” I seethed. The plan was to keep my tone calm and neutral but there was no way the hurt wasn’t going to seep through the cracks. Hearing how fake and desperate she’d become just single-handedly destroyed what little snippet of respect I had left, buried deeply somewhere there in my heart.

She scoffed almost soundlessly before heeding the request.

“Fine, if it’s really going to be this way. I need money. Your dumbass father has gone and crashed the car again, but this time he’s pretty messed up. We can’t afford all these bills and I really need some booze if I’m gonna stay sane in this shithole. You’re the only child still attached to us so you’re going to be the one to get your dunce of a dad out of debt.”

I felt my chest tighten the longer she spoke, albeit rather roughly, but the words were still heavy with wrenching information. I didn’t know exactly how to feel, but I knew this whole situation would be a hell of a lot easier without the tugging family ties making me second guess everything.

“Hold on, how bad is the accident?” I growled, trying to ignore the rest of her sentence about alcohol and shitholes. The thought of my own father being severely injured made my heart skip a beat in sudden fear. It wasn’t too bad, was it?

“Pretty damn bad, I guess. He was in the ER, and I’m sure the doctor said something about rehab? Acute rehab? Ugh, can’t remember.”

This is terrible, and she can barely bring herself to care!

Tears unwillingly pricked at the corners of my eyes and I furiously blinked them away.

“Is he on life support or something?”

“Not anymore. Dunno why he’s still being a dickhead and drink driving everywhere. Something was bound to happen eventually, and if it was up to me they should have slapped a band aid on it and sent him on his way. These fancy doctors just want to leech money from us.”

“You realise that money is what kept him alive, right?” I murmured in disbelief. There was a raging war of conflict taking place in my mind, and I couldn’t even fathom how she was being so nonchalant about all of it. Her own husband had almost died, and she was blaming the hospital for their crippling poverty.

“(Y/n), darling…”

There it was again, that wickedly sweetened voice that could only be a feeble attempt at manipulation at this point.

“I’m only going to think about it for the sake of life and death, I literally can’t believe how fucking disgusting you are. Don’t consider me attached to you ever again,” I choked out in a haze of fury. I could feel every shred of dignity and hope I had left for my family burn away into cloudy ash before me.

“I should have known better.”

And with that I hung up. The silence was too deafening, too close and invasive to be even remotely comfortable. I didn’t even know why the disappointment and vindication was hitting so hard and fast either, because in the back of my worrisome mind I always knew that nothing good could come from such a reach.

Wishful thinking. It seemed to be something I lived by too closely.

My eyes blurred with a watery film as I brought the phone screen upwards again. Soojin was waiting for me like a brewing storm outside, but I knew that I just couldn’t stitch myself back together for a meeting mere minutes after feeling my tendrils of a childhood slip away from me.

‘Can you come in here for a minute or two? It’s okay if you and Yoongi left already.’

I sent the text to Namjoon after a second of hesitation. I knew normally I would’ve dealt with the emotion and carefully hidden it away to move on with my working life. I wouldn’t have allowed anyone see past the drawn curtains into the darkness behind, but things had changed drastically over the past few months.

Since I had pulled that stupid stunt and distanced myself from everyone I cared about, things had changed. Yoongi’s words rang clearly through my head again and again like a broken record.

“You could’ve talked to us, we wouldn’t just ignore you if it was about something serious. Jesus, especially if you were feeling depressed. (Y/n), please…”

Then Taehyung’s.

“This is why you can’t hide your feelings. At least talk to one person, a close friend or something, because I know you haven’t…”

“I’m here.”

I sniffled in surprise as the hotel door clicked shut suddenly. Namjoon was by my side in less than a moment, breaths coming out in quiet pants even though he seemed to be trying his best at controlling the strained puffs of air.

“Oh God, you really ran back here for me?” I sighed, trying to tip my head back to get rid of the annoying things called tears.

“I was only down the hall, trust me,” Namjoon assured softly, taking notice of my sorry state of emotions and instantly switching his gaze to one full of concern. I watched as his perceptive eyes trailed down the length of my arm to the phone clasped into my shaking palms.

“(Y/n) …”

I almost jumped in my skin when he moved to slowly unclasp my fingers from around the warm device. The man took the rectangular object and slid it carefully onto the surface of the bedside table before taking a seat beside me on the bed. His honeyed voice was nothing but soothing to the ears.

“Hey, what’s going on?”

Then I spilled it all, like a broken dam rushing to meet what physics required of it. His eyes hardened as I spoke about my mother and her overall attitude, but softened when I couldn’t help voicing my newfound conflictions. I wasn’t surprised to find myself cradled into his broad chest by the end of it.

“A-and Taehyung had just pretty much convinced me to try reaching out to them last night. Now I’m forced into making a decision I don’t even want to find myself making. It’s just that…if he dies I will never forgive myself, and I really, really fucking hate that.”

I was almost ready to openly cry into the flimsy polyester shirt he wore, but once again I found myself holding back in fear of losing face. I never knew why I just couldn’t let it all go for once in my life. Maybe it was something too utterly routine after years and years of practice.

“Nobody can blame you for feeling that way about your own father, (Y/n). It’s like a natural instinct to try and protect those closest to you,” Namjoon murmured lowly. I let my eyes droop shut as I tuned into the rumblings coming from his chest.

“That’s the thing. I’m not close to them at all.”

A hollow sigh was next. His body relaxed further as he grew used to the feeling of my tears sinking through his exercise shirt, because even though he was the one to bring me into the reassuring hold, he still wasn’t accustomed to such a close proximity with someone other than his bandmates. I felt so indebted to him in every way.

“Even so, it’s family. You feel this connection that no-one else can, and even if you don’t like who they are as people, there will always be a love there that you might think is just too unexplainable. Now that I think about it, your nature to care about others probably made you even more susceptible.”

I couldn’t help but widen my eyes. He was always able to just come out and spin my thoughts into the words I couldn’t come up with. He just seemed to understand the very world we lived in, along with all of its nasty people and ideologies, in a way I struggled to. I was shocked at how he was able to take any point of view, turn it around to see the other side of it, and grasp the concept just as easily. An optimistic part of it, nonetheless.

“Namjoon, why are you just so amazing?” I chuckled after a minute of contemplative silence. He’d fidgeted slightly when I hadn’t responded, wondering if he’d done something wrong or made things worse. He was a little goofy sometimes, but nobody could deny how brilliant he truly was as a person.

“I’m not really,” He huffed bashfully, and I was shocked again when I felt one of his large hands come up to stroke my hair in comfort. It was so weirdly easy to be comforted by him after such a stressful morning.

“It’s just easy to see why you’re feeling the way you are. Take my advice and think hard about what you want to do about it.”

I felt the pad of a finger wipe away the last of my salty tears from my skin. The action was so sweet I couldn’t help but lift my head to meet his heartwarming gaze. The sight of his slight smile and tiny dented dimples made my heart almost stutter to a halt.

“In the end, they may only be using you and may only continue to turn a blind eye to the wonderful daughter they have, but at least you know you did what you believed was right. Use the love they may not feel to love yourself and the person you are.”

“Namjoon, stop before I…”

Taehyung I wish you could look, because this is me opening up. It’s ugly isn’t it?

More tears suddenly flowed and for once I couldn’t hold it back anymore. Namjoon’s face fell as I sobbed loudly into his chest, the liquid remorse tumbling out unstoppably. I couldn’t see his saddened expression of relief, but I knew I wasn’t alone in feeling the pent up tension flow away along with the waterworks. His muffled ‘shh, it’s gonna be fine’ and gentle strokes of encouragement to my head began gradually replacing the emotions with joyous ones.

I felt so much appreciation and love for the man it almost hurt.

“I haven’t cried in front of anyone since primary school, up until this morning in the hallway and now here,” I whimpered after a few minutes, almost letting myself doze off to the feeling of his presence enveloping me. How long had it even been?

“I’m just glad you even told me as much as you did. Taehyung might have mentioned that a few of us could see your pain, even if you didn’t know it was there yourself,” Namjoon said after clearing his throat slightly. I felt bad that I’d forced him into staying with me through the bout of misery, but his words violently struck more than one chord.

Yeah, and he also mentioned something else.

I was suddenly reminded of Taehyung’s big revelation from the night prior. The feelings they all had for me. I forced myself to keep my eyes trained forward, but there was no way Namjoon hadn’t noticed the way my body tensed up all of a sudden.

I can’t ask him about it now, or confirm it. They’re in the middle of a busy schedule and I also have stuff to deal with. I’m going to have to wait until we’re back in Korea to confront them about it.

I relaxed again and finally removed myself from Namjoon. He looked up at my standing figure with slight confusion, not really being sure of my stability or composure just yet. I could only sigh to let us both know that I was feeling a hell of a lot better than before.

I took one amused moment to glance over his slightly ruffled black tresses, probably having little to no effort put into the style for a day such as this one. Soft hours were now open in the messy hotel room.

“Thank you so much, I really needed … all of that,” I smiled crookedly, indicating that I was ready to move on with my life and away from the dilemma of my family for now. Namjoon got to his feet quickly after almost knocking over the vase of flowers on the bedside table. He grunted in surprise while I laughed and grabbed for his flailing hand to help keep him steady.

“It’s fine, you know it always is. You’ve been through more shit this morning than most go through in a week or months. I’d say you deserve a shoulder to cry on whenever you need one,” he spoke seriously and nodded, averting his widened eyes down to where I still held his hand within my own. These guys really did love a lot of hand attention, I did come to find after all this time.

“You’re sent from the heavens Joonie,” I chuckled airily, feeling so many feelings but nowhere near as crushingly as I had earlier.

“You confused me with you, angel,” He replied abruptly, moving with a confidence I rarely saw to shift a stray lock of hair away from my face. His smile was so warm and his line incredibly cheesy, but I felt something within me snap. The love was too intense for me to overlook.

I stepped forward and reached up to cradle his smiling cheeks into my palms. There was a need to rise onto my tiptoes before my lips finally grazed his in a very restricted but needy kiss. I fought back a smile when I felt his muscles slacken in absolute shock, but then he was returning everything wholeheartedly. His large hands pulled me closer by the waist and his lips started moving against mine just as surely, as if it were something that had been waiting to happen for too long.

I almost felt myself get lost in the sensation, but something nagged at me the further I slipped away into the moment.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” I gasped, pulling away reluctantly and squeezing my eyes shut in burning shame. I was embarrassed of myself for not upholding the pact I’d created about leaving the whole feelings thing until later on, plus I had basically thrown myself at him without giving anything resembling a warning.

“Why are you sorry? I think you just made me the happiest man on Earth,” Namjoon protested in shock, eyes wide and hands spread open to anticipate any sudden movements I made to escape. His cheeks were flushed a rosy pink and I found it undeniably gorgeous to contrast his complexion.

“I promised to leave it, but I just couldn’t control myself. Can we finish this-”

I made a little circular motion with one finger.

“-once we get back to Korea? I just have to speak to everyone.”

Namjoon nodded and agreed tentatively. I could tell by the way his brows furrowed slightly that he’d probably figured out the reasoning behind my request, but he would have to wait to question Taehyung at another time. I inwardly thanked him for his overarching awareness.

“If you see Tae, tell him I’m alright and that he needs to stop blaming himself. I know he’s probably taking the whole Soojin thing badly. I’ll fix it all,” I continued in a more level tone of voice, bringing back the sense of professionalism as I began thinking of how I was going to go about this predicament.

“Of course. Good luck out there,” He gave my shoulder an awkward pat before moving towards the door. I sighed regretfully as the leader left without another word, the strange tension lingering but somehow not becoming an overpowering force.

It’s your own fault. You went and kissed him, so now you’ve gone and confused everyone and yourself.

I didn’t know what lay in store for me now, as the news would surely spread like an untamed wildfire; stemming from Tae and Namjoon undoubtedly. What a bloody dumb thing to do, considering I’d just been accused of fucking around with one of them already.

My phone vibrated against the smooth surface of the bedside table loudly. Surprisingly, or maybe not so much, being the devil incarnate herself.

‘We’re waiting in the office area downstairs, I suggest you make it snappy or I’ll get on with this on my own.’

tagged: @joyful-jimin, @l4life, @gee-nee, @m0chilattae, @rossemayme, @doilooklikeinoe, @jeon-joker, @topthis808, @justyouraveragerando, @booklover240, @midnight1199, @k-popin-hoe, @xctvme

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rosierocks30 · 4 years

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Hidden: Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Heartbreak, Glory, and Unholy

(Mikasa’s Pov)

The streets became a war zone. How ironic? The raven haired assassin uses her ODM gear to fly through buildings. She noticed a familiar face at a pile of rumbles. Gabi Braun was removing the destroyed house. Mikasa landed on the ground to check on her.

“Gabi? Are you ok? What happened?” her tone was worried for the young girl.

“Mikasa? Mikasa, you’re here. I’m glad you are here. I need your help. The bomb destroyed this neighborhood and my parents and auntie are under the pile. Please help me to get them out.” Gabi ran to her and hugged her tightly. The young girl was in tears.

“I’m glad that you’re not hurt.” Mikasa hugged back to comfort her. “Of course, I’ll help you. We’ll get them out.”

Gabi gave a faint smile and let go of Mikasa while resuming digging on the pile. Ackerman goes to lift up the heavy ones. Soon, they saw three bodies. Gabi’s parents and Reiner’s mother.

“Mom and dad! Wake up!” The brunette cried out. They didn’t respond. Gabi checked their pulses, but as she feared none of their pulses was detected.

“N-no my parents they can’t be dead?” the girl sobbed from realizing her loss.

“I’m so sorry, Gabi….you shouldn’t feel the loss of your parents.” This breaks her heart. Just seeing Gabi grieving, it hits her home. Then both girls saw a small movement. They glanced to see Ms. Braun groaned in pain. “G-gabi? My niece, shouldn’t you be with your comrades?” Ms. Braun coughs from struggling to breathe. Her blood spat out from the coughs.

Reiner’s mother feels her legs crushed. Her lungs had collapsed from the big chunks crushing her chest. The older woman barely hangs on to her life. She knows deep down she only has a few minutes left before Death takes her away.

“Yes, yes I’m here auntie. I have my friend, Mikasa. She will help you and we’ll go to Reiner.” The little girl held her aunt's hand carefully.

“Mikasa? Mikasa Ackerman? Girl, come here so I can take a good look at you.” Her voice was wheezing. Mikasa obeys the dying woman.

“It’s nice to officially meet you Ms. Braun. I wish we had met in a better circumstance.” Mikasa stared at the older woman.

“You are a beauty. My son must be lucky. Tell him I love him. I don’t think I would make it soon.” She coughed again.

“No, don’t say that. We’ll get you out of here and find a hospital to treat you. You can leave Reiner alone along Gabi. They need you.” Mikasa trying to encourage her things will be ok.

“You silly girl. I have not much time left so let the dying woman say her final words.” Ms. Braun chuckled weakly.

Gabi’s tears shed more from hearing what her aunt had said. Mikasa was struggling not to shout and convince her that she needed to be strong. This feels familiar when Carla Jaeger was crushed under her home until a titan saw her and ate her. Now. Mikasa cried because what will she tell Reiner? That his mother died and she couldn’t do anything about it to save her? Oh god, she wants to shed blood on the ones responsible. How many people’s lives need to lose in order to win a war and have peace? Could for once the world be beautiful enough to enjoy it?

“Auntie! Don’t leave me...and Reiner….I can’t be alone. Soon all of you will leave me.” Gabi screamed in agony at the thought of losing all her family members. As a warrior trainee, she will be under responsibility of the military.

“My sweet warrior please listen to me. We’ll be in your heart to protect and guide you, just remember that. I love you so much and your parents love you very much. We are all so proud of you for your accomplishments.” She said.

Mikasa listens to the conversation between aunt and niece. Then Ms. Braun began to speak to her.

“Mikasa, promise me you will make my son happy...his feelings for you are deep. If you have no feelings for him, give him a chance. He is a good man and honorable.” She pleaded.

“I already...we confessed how we feel about each other. I promise to be there with him until his time..” The Asian woman made her promise.

“I’m grateful to hear that. I may not get the chance to see my future grandchild, but please give my son a child. This is my dying wish and take Gabi under your care. She deserves to have a better childhood. Promise me, Mikasa.” Ms. Braun gasped for air until she drew her last breath and passed away.

“I-I p-promise, Ms. Braun.” Mikasa’s tears fell and closed the older woman's eyes. Gabi cried on Mikasa’s chest while the raven haired woman held her tightly as both cried.

After they calmed down, both females got up to start heading to find Reiner or Armin and Annie who had arrived at night time from the other side of the world.

“Let’s go find a cousin or my friends.” Mikasa grabbed a gun for Gabi to use it. “You know how to shoot right?” She asked.

“Gabi nodded. “Yeah, we learned from our training.” The little girl grabbed it and held it like a true soldier.

“Alright, use it when necessary. I don’t have a lot of bullets, but we’ll find one on the way.” Mikasa watched the girl then both begin to walk away from the grim scene. They need to survive this hell. Mikasa will protect Gabi with her life. That’s a promise.

(Eve)

Since the day at the festival, both Eve and Eren had a hard time keeping their hands to themselves. Everything felt like those romantic traveling movies. She felt like in a fairytale. Eren was perfect in her eyes. All they did was walk around the town and have those crazy love makings. Everything was great until rumors of an attack at the capitol. People prayed for the safety of their loved ones who lived there and the queen.

Both couples were laying on the bed thinking their own thoughts. “I think I have to leave.” This made Eve glance at him.

“Wait what? Leave where?” Eve frowned.

“Into hiding before these new enemies come find me.” Eren already begins to get up and gather his clothes.

“Why would they want to find you? Eren what did you do?” The brunette woman sat up.

“That’s confidential.” He said.

“So that’s it then. You’re going to leave and pretend this didn’t happen?” Her grey eyes began to get watery.

Eren had his back facing her. “Yes, it's just fun while it lasts, but I need to focus on my purpose.”

Just hearing his words, breaks her heart. How could he be so cruel? All those sweet words and promises were nothing but lies. It may be short but it felt like their relationship was longer than it seems.

“Please Eren...don’t leave. Whatever your purpose is, we can do it together. I need you...I want you.” She got up to go in front of him to stop him.

“Eve, don’t make me do this the hard way.” To be honest, this is killing Eren also. He wants to protect her from what is coming soon. Those few weeks since their first meet, slowly they were falling for each other.

“Take me with you, please. I can’t be without you. I know it’s so soon but I’m in love with you.” Her tears kept falling. She gripped on his shirt.

“I know you feel what I am feeling too. You love me as much I love you. Don’t break my heart please, my love.” Her lips already started to leave kisses on his neck and lips to show him how much he means to her.

Why is she making this difficult? If he takes her with him, she could get killed. He prefers to have her alive and safe. Of course, what he was doing is hurting him too.

Damn it, she is going to hate him.

“Eve stop this now.” He grabbed her wrists to have her away from him. “At least have dignity.” His tone became cold.

“Why? Baby, don’t do this to me.” Her tears fell hard.

“Forget what we had. There was never us. I was just a lonely man who wanted comfort on my bed.” Her heart dropped from what he said. All long he was using her to satisfy himself?

“You jerk! How can you do this to me? I opened up my heart for you and you just take it? So you have never loved me like you claimed? How dare you play my heart you asshole?” She began to yell at him. This pain is too much. She was a fool. Eve had fallen into the same trap as her previous relationships. She thought he was different, but clearly was too dumb to see the signs.

“Don’t take this too personal, Dollface. I am a man with needs and your body fulfills that. You should consider using your talented skill into a professional business. I hear whores make a lot of money if they are exotic and talented.” He smirked to make this act work.

Eve gave a glare that’s so familiar to him. The only ones who pulled it off are Mikasa and Levi Ackermans. Before he was about to say more, his cheek was stinging from the slap she gave him.

“I hate you. I hate you so much; yet I still love you, you bastard!” The heartbreak was too much for her. She falls on her knees from her body trembling with so much emotions.

Eren glanced down at the woman he loves dearly. He can’t believe this was the only way to keep her safe and away from him. What he was about to do is placing his palm on her forehead. Since She has Eldian blood in her veins. He can erase her memories of him and their heavenly time together. It’s for the best. Maybe one day he’ll have her back.

Eve tried to remove his hand away from her, but she felt a static on her body as Eren erased her memories of him for good. After the deed was done, he walked away leaving her with a blink look.

“I’m sorry...I love you, Eve.” He whispered low enough for him to hear as he exited the room.

When Eren left her alone in the room, Eve stared at the door where he exited. What he did know, Eve still has her memories of him. After all Ackermans are immune from the power of the Founding titan. Her true identity was not Eve. Well, it’s her middle name. Her true name is Natasha Eve Ackerman and her grandparents are Historia Reiss and Levi Ackerman. Yeah, Eve came to the past...accidentally. The most reckless thing she ever did was fall in love with the Earth devil aka Eren Jaeger.

(Historia)

The young queen was on a loveseat while the maids did her hair. She was already bathe, dressed in her white wedding dress, and had done her makeup but lightly.

“Your majesty, you look so beautiful. Your king will be pleased.” One of the maids said.

No no can they just shut up. He is not her king. He will never be her king. That belongs to Levi. He is her king, the king of her heart. The one thing she was grateful for was that her son had escaped safely. At least, she can focus on trying to escape or kill him. Oh Walls, she misses her sweet little boy. Barely a few hours born and already the queen is separated from her baby. She misses Levi so much. Soon, she will reunite with her boys to be as a family they are meant to be.

“All ready, my queen.” Another maid said with happiness while another one grabbed a mirror to show how she looked in the reflection.

Historia glanced at the reflection, but felt unamazed. She hated it. This was not her dream wedding.

“I see.” Her tone was mono and uninterested.

Before one of the maids said something, a knock on the doors appeared. One of them opens the doors. “Is the bride ready? His Majesty is waiting at the altar along with our guests.” The messenger said.

“She is ready now.” The door opened wider for the man to enter.

“Your majesty, it’s a pleasure meeting you in person. You are a beauty that rivals Our three goddesses. I’ll be your escort to the citadel. Our King is awaiting his queen.” He smiled from meeting the Queen Historia.

Historia gets up. “Let’s get this over with.” She walked to exit the room which the man quickly followed her behind.

When exited the palace, another machine cart or what these invaders called a car was parked in the pathway of the palace ground. It’s similar to the other car that kidnapped her from the Orphanage property.

The gloomy bride hesitated to enter the vehicle as the backseat door was opened for her. For a woman that just gave birth, she was holding herself together. Even with makeup it doesn’t conceal her pale face. Historia felt scared, but her escort gently pushed her in.

“Your majesty, we must go quickly. It’s improper to make the guests wait for the bride taking too long.” he said.

Historia felt tears fall from her eyes as she slid into the car. The man gets in after her and closes the door. The car begins to drive to downtown plaza of the city of Mitras.

As she stared at the window from the car, the view was like a nightmare. Fallen soldiers laying on the ground dying. The streets were covered in blood. Some civilians were in distress from the scene. Smokes coming out of a few buildings. The queen began to breathe in and out panicky. Why? Just why, must there be good men and women dying in vain? This is not the reign she wants to be a part of. A true ruler will put their people first instead of their personal agenda.

“Why...why is he so cruel? This nation is already worrying about another war but with Marley. My people shouldn’t be suffering. Nobody shouldn’t.” She looked down. The blonde haired woman couldn’t look at the scene.

“I agree, but we must preserve our strength so you can rise up and bring peace again.” The man said. He tries to comfort the crying woman.

“You’re not one of Evans’ loyalists? Or Templars?” Her blue eyes glanced at him.

“No, I’m an assassin that’s undercover. I’m on this mission when Mentor Miles and the rest of the brotherhoods arrived on this island many months ago. He assigned me to join the templar as a spy. Don’t worry Queen Historia, I informed the Mentor that you're alive and well.” The assassin said.

Her eyes widened with hope. “Tell me...is my son safe? Did Commander Hange have my son in custody?”

“The prince is safe, my queen. I received a message from the mentor before they departed to their hideout.” He reassured her.

A sigh of relief came from her. Her little angel is with the people she trusts. She wonders if Levi knew their son was born. Has he met him?

“What about Levi? Has he met his son yet?” She said.

“No, the captain left around 3 am to get to you in the morning.” He sighed and shook his head. Historia nodded and felt sad. He probably doesn’t know what’s going on yet? Or maybe he does and is on a rampage.

The car finally stopped. She looked at the window to see the entrance of the citadel where the wedding ceremony will take place.

“I don’t want to go..” Historia whispered.

“I’m sorry your majesty...I don’t want you to go in there too, but keep up the appearance as an obedient queen until we strike. I promise you it will be long.” He encouraged her which she sighed in understanding. She has to do this. For her son, for former comrades, for her friends, for the people of Paradis and for her husband, Levi.

“What’s your name if I may ask?” Historia waits for someone to open the door since it;s protocol and also she doesn’t know how to open this metal fancy cart.

“My name is Reignald Garcia, your Majesty, but Reggie it’s what most called me.” he said.

“Thank you, Reggie for reassuring me. I need that. I don’t know who to trust at the moment.” Historia glanced at the assassin.

“No problem your majesty. I wish you luck.” He gave her a smile.

Historia nods and the door is open for her. She grabs another escort’s hand to get out of the car. Few armies guard her as they lead her to the main double doors. Finally the doors open and she takes one last breath. The queen steps into the citadel to wait for her doom.

As she enters, all eyes are on her. The citadel is full of people. Carefully she notices very familiar noble families. She doesn’t know whether they betray her or they were forced. Historia stare at each one of the nobles and priests because once she holds her power as queen, they will answer their loyalty towards her. If any signs showed their betrayal to her and the government and people, all hell will lose.

The music church sound began and everyone stood up. The bride slowly walked down the aisle. This time she held her chin up. She will play her part then when the time is right, she will strike and bring them down.

(Levi)

Levi reached the city of Mitras. He noticed the streets were being cleaned up from an attack. There were guards that were not from either military regiment. His instincts were telling him to stay hidden. The captain avoided the guards passing by to patrol. He got to the headquarters to notice, no one was there. It was empty. Thank god, he knows where to go if something like this happens. Quickly, Levi led his horse back out of the city to find the hideout.

The area was surrounded by trees as he galloped through the forest. It took Levi twenty minutes to reach his destination. In his view, a cabin appeared. The raven haired man could see people there. Most were the assassins but he saw Four- Eyes there with a tiny human that she’s carrying. Why did they bring a baby with them? What are they babysitters?

He was finally at the cabin. The short man got off his horse and had the horse being tied where food and water are already displayed for the horses. Commander Hange glanced to see Levi here.

“Levi! I’m glad you’re here. A lot has happened in 24 hours.” She was interrupted.

“Hange, I know shitty things have happened in the capital, but I just got back from the Orphanage. Those bastards burnt down the property. Luckily, most of the children had escaped and hid, but they killed off the adults. H-historia was taken and...I need to find her. She’s in danger. The baby….I can’t fucking lose them. I swear I will kill them all.” He felt his anger arise again. Then the crying of the baby stopped him talking.

“I understand your pain, Levi but we have someone undercover keeping an eye on the queen. Please try to calm down, your kid can sense your anger.” Hange looked at the baby who was still crying.

“Shitty Glasses, what are you talking about? My kid hasn’t been born yet. Historia is still pregnant.” The captain was confused. He stared at the baby.

“Well, she gave birth in Lord Evans’ estates. One of the girls who works for the midwife sneaks your son out because he’s in more danger. So Levi, meet your boy, Atticus Ackerman. Isn’t he a cutie? He looks like you only with Historia’s blue eyes.” She showed the baby to Levi.

He glanced at the baby to notice those familiar blue eyes. They are definitely Historia’s. He can’t believe it; his child is here. His heart gave a squeezed feeling for missing the birth of his son. Wow, he has a son. Now Levi doesn’t know what to do.

“Atticus? I-I don’t know where to start.” He said.

“It’s ok, you can start by carrying him. I think he senses you’re his papa.” Hange carefully placed Atticus on Levi’s arms while the baby stopped crying.

“See he wants his daddy.” She grins while watching Levi cradling his newborn son.

Levi was lost in admiring his child. He and Historia had created this innocent angel. He will do what it takes to protect his son. As a new father, Levi is scared of screwing his kid’s life. Atticus starts to smile and let out a cute giggle. Hange felt her heartbeat with joy. This is one of the rare moments seeing Levi smiling. She is happy for her friend as another good thing was given to him.

“Atticus, my son...I’m sorry you were born in this shitty moment but I will promise you. I give you the best life you deserve. You and your mother will have the best life I’ll give. I love you; be strong.” The captain has leaned closer to kiss his son’s tiny forehead.

“Zoe...do you know where my grandfather is? I need his help to send Atticus away from this island.” He looked up at his friend and commander. The commander rarely heard him calling her by her first name.

“Yeah, he’s inside. Let’s go in and talk about sending Atticus to America.” She walked back into the cabin which Levi followed her while carrying his child. Levi doesn’t want to be separated from his child. He just met him. As the war just started, his boy is not safe here. He won’t risk his son’s life.

William was busy on his laptop. He was in contact with Shaun on Zoom.

“Everything is a mess here. It’s technically a war zone. We’re lucky enough to escape before we get amush.” The Mentor sigh.

“Wow that sucks. I’m not surprised the Templars are capable of conquest. Do you plan to get more recruits? You don’t have enough men and women to fight.” Shaun said on the other side of the laptop.

“I have three of the new members, Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlet and Annie Leonhart; to go to Marley and get recruits or allies.” Will said.

“Huh? One of them has the same last name as your grandson, Levi.” Shaun said.

“Yes, she’s a distant cousin of his. Marley is also being under attack too. The queen is the hostage of the Order. She just gave birth to my great grandson. Thank god there were some people who have a heart to help escape the boy. He’s now safe and sound with us.” Will hasn’t had time to process what had happened. He was glad Hange is more alert on surprise attacks.

“Congrats on being a great grandfather now.” The blonde man chuckled from the screen.

“Thank you. I hope Levi arrives soon.” Just when he mentions his grandson’s name, Levi and Hange enter the dining room.

“Oh neverminded he’s here.” The older man smiled seeing Hange and Levi especially holding Atticus in his arms.

“Grandfather, I need that favor I told you about if it comes to this.” Levi said vaguely.

“Oh that favor. Of course, we can get a plane here to have Atticus escape. We’ll need someone who can be trusted to take care of the baby.” Will remember what Levi meant.

“As long it will get him out of danger.” The captain stared at his son who’s making cooing sounds.

“Excuse me, Levi. Hi, I’m Shaun Hastings. One of the best tactical guidance in the Brotherhood. It’s a pleasure meeting you, Levi Ackerman. I can help out to make a safe trip for your kid.” Levi heard the laptop talking and raised his brow at his grandfather in confusion.

“It’s one of my fellow members of the brotherhood from America that I’m speaking to on my laptop.” William explained which Hange’s sparkled with intrigue.

“Wait, you can communicate far away with this laptop thing?” She goes behind Will to see a man on the screen.

“Can you? I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. I’m putting him under your responsibility. Got it?” Levi was now on the other side next to Will while talking to Shaun.

Shaun was annoyed the way Levi acts towards him. Obviously, Levi doesn’t care. He’s itchy for using his blades on the templars, Lord PrettyBoy, and Zeke. Oh he has plans for both of them when he sees them.

“Oh don’t mind Levi. He’s just overprotective since he’s a new father.” Hange said to Shaun. The British man nodded and let it go.

“Will, just say the word and I’ll get a plane to you guys.” Shaun already begins to use his connections to find a good plane availability.

“Get a plane and we’ll get someone taking care of Atticus.” William said. Levi and Hange were focused on the baby.

Later as the hours got dark, few selected assassins joined Levi who had his son on his arm while riding the horse to the location where the plane landed at an open spot in the woods.

When they get there, the new father hops off his horse. He looked at a figure besides him.

“Blouse, you’re in charge protecting him. Can you do that? You will have all the necessary things in his diaper bag. The rest of the stuff is at the location. I’m leaving my son under your care. I’m counting on you. If anyone threatens him or you, shoot them.” He gave his orders to his subordinate.

She gave her salute. “Sir, I won’t fail you.”

He nodded and gave the diaper bag to her then his son who’s asleep. Before both Sasha and the baby depart, Levi kisses his forehead on last time. He steps away from them as Sasha gets into the plane while holding Atticus. The captain watched the plane leave and the area became silent.

It’s for the best Host. Our offspring will be safe. Let’s focus on getting our mate back. I’m drenching for vengeance.

“Tch. Let’s go.” Levi orders the rest of the crew to get back to their hideout. His eyes glowed silver. He kept hearing the mumbles Iapetus will do to Zeke and Prettyboy.

(Reiner)

They made it into the base hospital where Pieck is now being treated for her gunshot wounds. The rest of the small group were waiting outside.

“Thank god, we made it in time to save Pieck.” Porco sighs in relief.

Reiner agrees with Porco. He doesn’t want to lose another comrade. He didn’t imagine this war will be against their favor and it’s not just them being invaded, Paradis and other neighboring nations are being invaded by these hungry conquerors. The Marleyans hadn’t felt this helpless since the Eldian Empire. This time it’s not their descendants it’s these unknown groups called themselves the Order of Templars.

At least, they know the identity of their invaders. If Reiner can find any surviving higher officials, maybe they will consider to ally the Paradis and these other groups called the Brotherhood of Assassins. They know more about the templars. What Armin and Annie told them was both factions were hidden from the world. It’s difficult to find information about these two societies. They are considered ancient since the dawn of humanity. Not everything that they knew of their history was true. The Marleyan Warriors had a hard time grasping these new facts. All their lives, they were taught the history of their ancestor’s sins and how they need to atone from the past mistakes.

“We need to find a higher up at least in these bases.” Reiner said.

A Marleyan soldier ran towards the group. The man was in his prime 20s. He glanced at Armin and gasped. “Deputy Chief Braun, we were looking for you. Lieutenant Romos has summoned you. By the way, why is the Paradisan devil here?” He glared at Armin which Annie was ready to act in order to protect her lover. Yes, Armin is capable of protecting himself, but she will not risk it.

“He’s here because he along with another Paradisan have valuable information to deal with our new enemies.” He glared at the Marleyan soldier. “As of now he and Mikasa Ackerman are under my protection as Deputy Chief of the Marley’s Warriors.”

“I see very well, I’ll let my superior make his judgement. Come, he doesn’t have patience at the moment, and you can bring the rest of the group with you.” He turned around to head back.

Reiner and the rest of the gang started heading in that direction. Once they reached where Lt. Romos is located. The man was in his 40s with heavy dark under eyes. His wrinkles were visible from the stress and weather made him aged too fast. Lt. Romos was busy looking at a map while being surrounded by the remaining of the troops besides the ones fighting at the frontline protecting their base.

The Marleyan soldier saluted his officer which Lt. Romos turned around to stare at the soldier. Not that far, he saw Reiner, Porco, Annie, and Armin entering the strategy room. “Ah Deputy Chief Braun, I’m glad you’re alive. I’m sure you understand what’s going on. We don’t know this foreign invaders, but they were hiding under us for a long time to ready to strike. We found out our leaders who were assigned at the shoreline base are dead. It’s just you and I.” Lt. Romos grabbed a paper to hand to Reiner. “Here before Commander Hugos died, he left this last order towards you. I suggest reading out loud for the troops to hear the Commander’s final wish.”

Reiner nodded and took the paper and read what it said. He was shocked at what his late commander’s order was.

Dear Deputy Chief Reiner Braun,

The council and I have hereby to grant you honorary citizenship as a Marleyan. You and your family will be treated as citizens with military benefits. For your loyalty and service to this great nation, Marley. As now you’re an honorary citizen; I, Commander Hugos of the Marley army of all regiments anoint you as my successor if I died in action or incapable of acting as commander. For any soldiers speaks out or disobeys your commands; they will be labelled as traitors and be held in trials under a suitable sentence as decided by you and the councils. I wish you farewell, soldier. You and our fellow comrades bring pride in our nation.

Sincerely,

Robert Hugos, Commander of the Marleyan Army.

Silence took over. Reiner doesn’t know what to say or do. He actually did it. He and his family are safe. They are granted as citizens. What’s shocking he’s now the commander of the whole nation of Marley’s armies.

“I- I don’t know what to say…” The blonde Eldian was processing what he just read.

The soldiers mumbled at what was written. Lt. Romos now salutes the new Commander. “I’m at your service sir. My platoon is under your commander. What’s your first order.” He gave a smirk at Reiner. Around Reiner and Romos, the rest of the troopers salute. “We are also at your service, Commander sir!” They shout with pride.

Reiner nodded in acknowledgement for their fealty towards him as their new commander. “My fellow soldiers, I’m honored to be your commander. I will lead you into victory to drive these invaders out of our great motherland. I promise you, if you die in battle your families will be set for life for the loyalty and dedication to this country. Things will change especially in a time like this. We all have a common enemy. Today we are one army, not as Marleyan-Marleyans, Eldians or half-Marleyans. Today we are the Marleyans. Protectors of our nation, our families, and our beliefs. Are you with me, soldiers?” Reiner raised his fist up. Everyone raised their fists along.

“Yes, sir. For Marley!” They chanted.

“The first thing we need to do is Lt. Romos, to step closer.” The lieutenant did as he was told but was confused where this was leading.

“As today, I’m promoting you to General since you’re the last high up officer of our military. I know it’s not much, but after the war you along several promoting officers will get a ceremony that you deserve. Congratulations, General.” Reiner needed a new general for now. Since then their numbers have shrunk. This will do unless they recruit more. This army will break barriers of Eldians and Marleyans. Maybe this big step will help take the first step in diminishing segregation between Eldians and Marleyans.

“Thank you sir. I will bring honor to our military and nation.” Gen. Romos salutes in respect.

“I need two soldiers with good penmanship's and use our telecommunication.” Commander Braun stared at the troops. Two hands raise to get his attention.

“Sir, I know how to use telecommunication and penmanship. The soldier said.

Sir, I can help him out.” The other one speaks out.

“Alright, both of you go to the communication room and send messages to any surviving troopers from all over Marley and outside. Give them an update. One of you has to go to the frontlines to pass on the message that I will personally give you. The rest of you troopers are on guard and protect our base. You’re all dismiss except Gen. Romos and Porco and Annie, Armin.” Once he gave his order, the troopers left and the room was quiet with all five of them.

“Porco, since I’m the commander; I’m naming you my successor as Deputy Chief of the Marley’s Warriors unit. Congrats, you have earned it.” He gave a smile. Porco was flushed at the promotion he was given. “Thanks Rein- I mean Commander sir.”

Reiner nodded. “Ok now that settles. General, I need you to pick some of your best soldiers, maybe like 3 or 4 to find Mikasa Ackerman and my cousin, Gabi Braun.” General Romos salutes his commander and heads out.

Reiner sighs. He hopes this war will be the last. At what cause they keep this old centuries feud and fear between Marley and Paradis? No one is safe at the price of war, especially fuel by hatred and fear. Like what Mikasa said, all this started because of Templars and their ambition of ruling the world. This time they will stand their ground for a new beginning of peace for their children and their children’s children to have a future.

(Nathaniel)

The Usurper awaits for his bride as she walks down the aisle. She may be beautiful, but her face is pale and her eyes look dull. The death of her brat had hit a milestone. Nathaniel is pleased the newborn had died with mother nature being involved. That beast she is so in love with will know he has nothing. His child is dead, Historia is his. The “king” will find the Ackermans and send their heads to his bride as a late wedding gift from. He will grin with joy when she sees it and scream from losing her precious Ackermans.

The cruel man notices Historia finally stands beside him at the altar. The high priest began to perform the ceremony. Nathaniel takes her hand, but she quickly rejects it by moving it away. The nobleman rolled his eyes. How childish of her? ‘

“You acting like this will not stop the wedding, sweetheart.” His tone gives off a sweet but threatening. “So behave like a good bride. This is your happiest day.” Historia glared with hatred towards him.

So he forcedly grabbed her hand. Historia this time didn’t struggle and continued listening to the high priest.

As minutes turned to hours, both bride and groom were lost in their own thoughts. After all, the high priest’s monotone can put anyone to sleep. Finally the good part begins.

“Do you Lord Nathaniel of House Evans take Queen Historia of House Reiss as your lawful wedded wife to cherish her, comfort her, and love her through sickness and health. Through good and bad?” The high priest said.

“I do.” He grabs the ring and holds roughly Historia’s hand while sliding the ring on her finger. Nathan glimpses at her as tears fall from her eyes.

“Do you Queen Historia of House Reiss take Lord Nathaniel of House Evans as your lawful wedded husband to cherish him, comfort him, and love him through sickness and health, through good and bad?” Nathaniel can read her face. She wants to say no. Of course, she doesn’t have a choice.

“I-I...I...d-do.” He hears her choke up from those two words. Her hand trembles when she slides the ring into his finger.

Once the rings were exchanged, the high priest said his last phrases to seal their marriage.

“With the power invested in me and the blessing of Ymir, Sina, Rose, and Maria; I pronounce you husband and wife. My lord, you may kiss your bride.”

Nathaniel glances at his new wife then leans to give a kiss. Honestly, he can’t stand the though of kissing her or anything like sex. In order to have heirs, he’ll have to get over with. Maybe getting drunk will help to get it over that part later.

“As the law of our kingdom, Queen Historia will be stripped of her title. Lord Evans with your marriage with her majesty. I crown you as the new reigning king and his wife, queen consort. All hail King Nathaniel of House of Evans and Queen Consort Historia of House Evans. Long live the new dynasty. May the three goddesses and Ancestress Ymir bless you children and longing reign.” The high priest placed the crowns on him first then on Historia. The crowd cheers and chants.

After the ceremony, there was a feast in the halls of the palace. The newly wedded couples were seated on the high table where everyone could see them. Nathaniel was sipping wine and chatting with other nobles and templars. His eyes glimpsed at the crowds. Some were eating and chatting while others danced. He spotted his lover dancing with someone. The new king felt a small jealousy. He may be the king but their society won’t allow two men or women to have a relationship. He already finds it bullshit of their church practices. That’s why he needed Historia. One to be the decoy and two to give birth to his heirs. Nathaniel couldn’t stop staring at Gilbert. He’s such a beautiful man. How he craves to have him here beside him and not this whore. The light brown man glances at his queen who was gloomy since their marriage ceremony.

Historia notices him staring at her and scoff. “Is there something on my face, my king?” Nathaniel blink as he swore she sounded like Levi Ackerman.

“Yes, with makeup you look like one of those whores from the Underground City. I’ll tell your new ladies-in-waiting of not to put any on you.” He said. Historia rolls her eyes and looks away to stare at the dance scene.

“I’m exhausted. I want to sleep.” Historia said.

“Darling, could you wait for a bit longer? The guests came all over of the Three Walls to see us on our special day.” He grins then gulp his drink.

“No.” She said with a flat tone.

“Oh well, you will wait until I get tired.” he said without a care.

She mumbles incoherently while sipping a bit of wine.

One of the higher ranking templar members began to speak. “Your majesties, may your marriage be blessed with abundance and fertility. And your reign brings prosperity. Cheers to the King and his Queen.”

Everyone repeated. “Cheers to the King and his Queen.” The crowd toasted to the rulers and drank their wines.

“Thank my friends and loyal subjects. As part of tradition, the queen and I will have our first dance as man and wife, king and queen. My darling queen, may I have this dance?” Nathaniel smiles while playing his sweet act around everyone towards Historia. She was contemplating as her eyes stared down at his hand. Finally, she gave in to take his hand to be led to the dancefloor.

The music starts and he places his hand on her waist while holding her other hand. They waltz around the dancefloor going along the music. The guests surrounded themselves around the dance floor to watch the king and queen dancing.

Nathaniel observes how Historia gave a blank expression as she went along this dance. Her dancing skill is flawless and graceful. For a bastard raised in a farm, he would have thought she was raised as a princess. Once the music was over, they stopped while the crowd applauded from their dance.

The crowned king had his eyes again on Gilbert, who now has an envious expression. Gilbert walked away from the scene. Nathan knows this is hurting him. He wants to go after him to hold and kiss him. He had explained to him this marriage with the whore was just for political movement to be officially king without having the chance of being removed easily. All he needs a male heir or two then he can discard her. After the consummation, he’ll go talk privately with his lover.

Speaking of consummation, Nathaniel sighs and raises his hand up to silent the crowd. Little by little the place got quiet.

“It is time for the queen and I to depart for our final step to be man and wife.” He grins. Of course, some whistles and cheer.

“So it’s time for us to go, but don’t let us stop all of you to enjoy the wedding feast! Servants serve more food and wines for our wonderful guests!” He ordered the servants and the people to cheer happily. Nathaniel grabbed Historia's hand to drag her out of the festival hall.

As they walked through hallways to reach the bedroom, the door opened but Historia was shouting to be let go.

“Nooo let go! Please, I don’t want to do this. Don’t make me.” She was trying to pull her hand away. The guards closed the door. Now there are two of them in the dim light. Earlier the servants had the marriage bedroom prepared.

“Can you just shut up for once?” the king lost his patience and slapped his wife. She fell on the floor while sobbing silently. Nathaniel doesn’t want to do this either but that’s the price to be king.

“You need to get used to it. The faster I have my seeds in you, we’ll not have to share a bed ever. I don’t know why the Grandmaster templar wanted me to marry you? You are nothing. A weak girl; the bad seed of your father. The only foolish thing he did was to fuck your whore mother and let you exist.” He rants to himself but Historia can hear him.

“W-why does the grandmaster want us to be married? He has no business in our nation’s matters.” She cried out angrily.

“Of course, he does because if it wasn’t for him; I would not be king. Someone else would have governed our home. It should be the blood of King Fritz who should sit on the throne.” The king glared down at her. Historia grabbed on the pole of the bed to pull herself up. Her body was exhausted and still sore from childbirth. She’s lucky a fever or infection did appear then she would be knocking on Death’s doorsteps.

Historia feels scared as she sees him finally making a move on her. He grabbed her to have him gripping her wrists then pulled her closer. “Don’t make me do this the hard way, Historia.” This is the first he called her by her name instead with insults. With her being surprised, he tries to take off her wedding gown but the layers were thick. Stupid women’s fashion. Why do they always make it difficult to take it off and put it on? King Nathaniel begins to rip her dress since it’s the last time she will one.

His queen noticed her gown was ripped down in the middle from the back and felt the breeze of air caressing her bare back. The dress slipped down from her body to leave her completely exposed to him. She quickly covered her breasts and crossed her legs to cover her intimate part. Her tears resume falling. She’s now helpless and vulnerable for him to take advantage of.

Nathan stepped away to go pour a full glass of wine to gulp down. He needed to get drunk first. He finished his glass and poured another round. He sipped his drink and glanced at his nude bride who's still crying like a hot mess. This is getting old. Crying will not make it stop. He thought while finishing his second round. He felt the wine kicking in. Just when he turned around to grab the bottle, he could hear the door opening to see Historia wrapped in her ripped dress and opening the door. The king placed the bottle down to run towards her and pull her back into the room. He closed then locked the door. Now his grip was on her golden hair being dragged to the bed. Already, had her dress dropped on the floor. Her screams were heard probably the whole floor of the palace. No one will come since it’s their wedding night. They must complete the consummation to validate their marriage.

“Stupid bastard. You just never learn do you?” He grabbed the dress to rip a long piece of fabric. He tied her wrist a bit harsh. He pushes her to lay on the bed, her tied hands are palace in front of her.

Historia was now struggling to be free. “I hate you. I hate you! I fucking hate you.” She screams at him.

“The feeling is mutual.” He said coldly but drunk. His hands started to undress himself until he’s exposed too.

Nathaniel climbs on the bed hovering over her. He positioned between her legs, gripping tightly her thighs so she wouldn't kick him. The king began to thrust himself into her which her body became stiff. Historia closed her eyes so she could pretend it’s Levi. Nathan keeps thrusting faster and hard to go deeper. He now moans and mumbles words. “Oh goddesses, what sorcery is this?” He said in whisper. His heart belongs to Gilbert. He was always attracted to him when they met, but Historia is a beautiful woman with a very desirable body and he would be a fool to not notice or take the advantage. Due in time, she will learn her place. He will just enjoy fucking her until her purpose has been served. It’s such a shame, Levi Ackerman is not here chained up to watch his whore getting fucked by another man.

(Levi)

His grey eyes open from having a nightmare of Historia screaming for his name to come rescue her. He sat up from a chair. Since he came back from seeing his son being taken to New York City in America, the captain decided to take a small nap to have his anxiety be calm. It’s like his instinct zapping him to go save her now. Screw waiting. Her life is in danger even Iapetus had been on edge growling to go save her.

What you dreamt? It wasn’t a nightmare. It’s happening right now, human..

What the hell are you talking about?

You know deep down you're looking through her eyes. We need to get her out. They have harmed our goddess. That weakling had defiled our mate. We’ll give a slow and painful death.

So...this wasn’t a dream? He actually had the nerve to touch her. That sick bastard! Historia just gave birth. Fuck it we’re going to get her out.

Levi gets up to go put on his assassin outfit. He put his blades into their place then grabbed two guns for back ups. After he is ready, Levi gets out of the room.

“Ah Levi, grandson. I’m glad you're up. We have news. Armin, Annie, and Mikasa had sent more back up for us and Marley.” William walked towards him. The older man notices his grandson is dressed to go on a mission.

“Where are you going? Our back ups will be here by tomorrow evening.” He said.

“I need to go.” He said vaguely to his grandfather. He doesn’t want to explain why he’s in a hurry.

“Go where? We need you. If this is about trying to rescue Historia, you know I can't allow you.” The Mentor uses his authoritative tone. He dislikes using it on Levi. He can understand why his grandchild is agitated.

Levi hiss at his grandfather angrily. “I’m not gonna wait until something bad happens to her! I made a promise to my son that he will have his mother in his life. I don’t want him to be growing up without a mother like I had. I am going and that’s final.” He opened the door and walked out leaving his grandfather with sadness as the old man feared something terrible would happen to his grandchild. He doesn’t want to go through losing another family member.

A/N: Hello hello! So I’m sorry for writing more dark scenes. I promise you good things will come later. Warning: I don’t condone to rape or any kind of sexual violence or any kind of abuses. So in other words, enjoy this chapter and let me know what you guys think? I love hearing your thoughts of each chapter. See you until next time!

#levihisu #rivahisu #levi ackerman #historia reiss #mikasa ackerman #reiner braun #reikasa #gabi braun #eren jeager #oc #assassin's creed #AoT #snk #fanfic #CrossOver

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loverandservantoftheahlulbayt · 4 years

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🥀🕯🥀 Lady Fatima al-Zahra (sa) the Mother of her Father 🥀🕯🥀

Sheikh Mansour Leghaei

🥀🕯🥀 Introduction 🥀🕯🥀

In the Name of God; the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful

Lady Fatima, the lady of light has an elevated status in the eyes of Allah due to her childhood sacrifices and support towards the religion of Islam. She is ‘the mother of her father and is an axis to great qualities. The mutual affection between Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.W) and her is unique and holds a very prominent position in father-daughter relationship.

Abu-Faraj al-Isfahani in his Isnad narrated from Imam Sadiq (A.S) from his father: “Verily, Fatima (S.A) was surnamed ‘Omme Abiha’.”

[Beharul-Anwaar, vol43 p.19 from Maqatelu-Talebin]

‘Omme Abiha’ or ‘The Mother of her Father’ is one of the best-known titles of Lady Fatima (peace be upon her). This title sounds quite peculiar for many people especially those who are less familiar with the Arabic language. This lecture is a humble interpretation of the abovementioned Hadith. I shall by the Will of Allah suggest 10 reasons because of which she enjoyed this unique title.

Fatima was the daughter of Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.W), the wife of Imam Ali (A.S), the mother of the only two Masters of the Youth of Paradise- Imam Hasan and Imam Husain- and the mother of the 11 infallible Imams (peace be upon them all). She is the elite of the elite women of the past, present and future. She was an infallible martyr and a human huri. She was the crystallization of piety, chastity and real devotee of the Almighty Allah. Her virtues are so numerous that the Messenger of Allah said about her: “If beauty were a person it would be Fatima, Nay! She is greater. Indeed, Fatima is my daughter and the best of the people of the earth in her origin, dignity and honour.” [Fara`edoh-Samtayn vol.2 p.68]

Fatima had a short life in this world and as her husband Imam Ali (A.S) has described, “She joined her father very soon.” Yet, her life was so rich with abundant blessings so much so that she became al-Kauthar and the fountain of the Prophetic blessings.

🕯 Childhood 🕯

Fatima was born during the Prophetic mission and when the Prophet of Islam had reached his perfection. She was the only child of the house of Prophet Muhammad and Sayyeda Khadija (S.A). Her conception was heavenly blessed with the paradisiacal fruit gifted to her father at the time of his ascension. She was brought up in a house wherein revelation and the words of God were constant. She witnessed the descending and ascending of the angels. Her physical growth accomplished with her mental and spiritual growth and hence she became an infallible lady who enjoyed the sublime virtues of her father, the holy Prophet of Islam.

🕯 After the demise of her mother 🕯

Lady Khadija died 10 years after the Prophet of Islam declared his mission and left her five-year-old daughter an orphan. The richest lady of Quraiysh at the time of her death could not even afford a simple shroud for her burial and hence she requested her daughter to ask her father to shroud her with his own cloak after her death. Fatima was since the only memory of Khadija for the Prophet of Islam. After the painful death of her mother the young Fatima dedicated herself to her father, the Messenger of God. During the hardship of Makka she was not only a supportive daughter but a comrade. After her marriage with Imam Ali in Medina, initially her house was quite a distance from the mosque which would make traveling to the Prophet quite difficult. Thus, the Prophet arranged that the young couple live in the house of Haritha bin No’man whose house was near the house of the Prophet. [ibn Sa’ad, al Tabaqaat vol 8 p14]

🕯 The Female Comrade of the Holy Prophet (S) 🕯

Fatima was not the type of girl who sat at home weaving or sewing with no social responsibility. Her exalted spirit had made her from the very early stages of her life, endeavor for the spread of Islam with her father.

Once, the Prophet of Islam was inviting people to Islam inside the Masjidul Haraam. Abu Jahl made some of his puppets pour rubbish onto the Prophet. Fatima; the female comrade of the Prophet immediately ran towards her father and with her small hands cleaned the head and the shoulders of the Prophet of Islam.

Many a time the infidels of Quraiysh stoned the Messenger of God and the young Fatima was sometimes shielding her father with her own body. Her care and compassion towards the Messenger of God was so motherly and passionate. Every time the Messenger of God came home Fatima was dusting the hair and face of the Prophet. It was due to all this compassionate conduct of Fatima that the Messenger of God had such tremendous love for her.

The role of Fatima in her support and the spread of Islam was so vital that according to Imam Ali (A.S) she was considered the second pillar of Islam. After the martyrdom of Fatima Zahra (S.A) Imam Ali stated, “The messenger of God was the first column of Islam and Fatima was the second and the Islamic Ommah today has lost its second column too.

Fatima During the Islamic Battles

Fatima was a woman and as such jihad was not obligatory on her. Nonetheless, she was an active participant and a supporter of the Muslim warriors along with her father and husband. During battles, Fatima had the responsibility of nursing the wounded soldiers and repairing their artillery. When the rumor about the martyrdom of the Messenger of God was spread in Medina during the battle of Ohud, Fatima mobilized some of the ladies of Medina to the battlefield.

When she saw her father’s, teeth broken and bleeding she was in tears and hugged the Messenger of God. Shia and Sunni historians have narrated that during the severe time of the battle of Ohud whereat blood was flowing from the head and the face of the Prophet, the companions had tried to stop the bleeding of the wounds, to no avail. It was Fatima who then immediately burnt a straw mat and poured its ashes onto the wounds and stopped the blood from flowing. [Safinatul Behar vol.1 p140, Sahihul Bukhari vol.4 p.72]

🕯 Addressing Her Father 🕯

After the battle of Ohud, an Ayah was revealed to the Messenger of God to discipline his companions. It was customary for Arabs to call each other with their names without any title and as such they would only call the Prophet of Islam with his first name, Muhammad, the Messenger of God was also too humble to request them to address him otherwise. It was under these circumstances that the Almighty God revealed,

“Make not the calling of the Messenger among you as you are calling one of another.” 24:63

Upon the revelation of the Ayah, Muslims were commanded to address the Prophet with the title of Messenger of God.

Lady Fatima narrated, “After the revelation of the Ayah, I wondered whether I could still address my father as ‘father’ and thus I called him ‘O Messenger of God’. Upon hearing that my father immediately replied, “My dear Fatima, that rule was not for you, you call me O father for indeed this is more reviving for my heart and more pleasing your Lord.” [Ibn al-Maghazeli, al Manaqeb p367]

Thus, Fatima was the only exception of the above Ayah of which she gained part of her everlasting title ‘The Mother of Her Father`.

Fatima; the Mother of her Father

In the year 5 AH, after the Battle of al-Ahzab a new rule with regards to the wives of the Prophet was revealed.

“The Prophet is closer to the believers than their own selves and his wives are their mothers.” [33:6]

This revelation taught Muslims to respect the wives of the Prophet like their own mothers and that they were forbidden to ever marry them. Thus, none of the wives of the Prophet were ever able to remarry after the demise of the Messenger of God. To this end, every wife of the Prophet was referred to as ‘the mother of the believers’ which means as the believers could not ever marry their mother they could not possibly ever marry any of the wives of the Prophet. After the revelation of the above law, the Messenger of God said to his beloved daughter, “O Fatima. If my wives are the (spiritual) mother of the believers, then you are my (spiritual) mother.”

🕯 Etymology of the term ‘al-Omm' 🕯

The term mother is referred to in Arabic as ‘Omm` whether a direct biological mother or indirect and hence, Eve is also referred to as our ‘mother`. Linguistically, the term ‘mother` is quite similar in all different languages. Omm in Arabic, mum or mother in English, mahdar in Farsi, ma in Urdu and mama in Italian.

The term al-Omm in Arabic is defined by the renowned Arabic linguist al-Raghib “Everything and everyone who is the source of the existence of something or its rearing or reforming.” Therefore, anything that is the origin of the source of something or has a fundamental role in its existence is called al-Omm in Arabic. For instance, in Surah 43 Ayah 4 the Holy Quran is introduced to be in the Mother of the Book,

“And verily, it (this Quran) is in the Mother of the Book with Us, indeed exalted, full of wisdom.” (43:4)

The term ‘the mother of the book` in the above Ayah is meant for al-Lauh al-Mahfuz which is the source of all the divine knowledge and its producer.

The first Surah of the Quran is also called ‘Ommul Kitab’ the mother of the book for its seven Ayaat contain the summary of the entire teachings of the holy Quran and hence is the root and the origin of the rest of the Quran.

Ommah in Arabic is a community which has a common religious and spiritual goal.

In short, Omm is either a biological mother which is not gained but physically or a spiritual mother which is a title given due to some spiritual privileges and characteristics and carries similar parental rights. It is to this meaning that the Messenger of God introduced himself along with Imam Ali as the two fathers of the Muslim Ommah (community).

🕯 Fatima; the Axis 🕯

In the following I shall share with you ten reasons because of which Lady Fatima enjoyed the divine medal of ‘The Mother of Her Father’ by the Messenger of God.

We will learn that she is the symmetrical axis between Prophet-hood and Imamat.

🕯 1. The Axis of Creation

Numerous prophetic traditions state that the Messenger of God is the final cause of the creation. The Almighty God in a holy hadith says, “Had it not been because of you I would have not created the creation.” This is a well-established principle in Islamic philosophy and mysticism since the Messenger of God is the most perfect creation of God and the creation is aimed at the peak of its perfection. It is due to this fact that Fatima is the axis of creation for without her the generation of the most perfect human i.e. the Messenger of God would cease to continue. Similarly, spiritually the existence of Fatima was the cause of the continuation of Islam until the day of Judgment as I shall explain.

🕯 2. The Axis of Imamat

Fatima was the symmetrical axis joining Prophet-hood to Imamat. It was through Fatima that the blessed light of Prophet-hood was transmitted to eleven infallible Imams. I’m in awe! She is the mother of 11 infallible Imams! If the holy Mary begot one Jesus, and hence she became a truthful female, the holy Fatima begot 11 pure Imams, behind the last of whom Prophet Jesus shall pray.

🕯 3. The Axis of Ahlul-Bayt

The story of the Hadith of the Cloak is narrated by numerous Shia and Sunni narrators. Jabbir ibn Abdullah al-Ansari narrated that the Messenger of God went to the house of Fatima while he was not feeling well. Fatima received him and covered him with his Yemenese cloak for warmth and comfort. Then the Prophet of Islam brings Hasan, Husain and then Imam Ali and Fatima under his cloak with him. It was then that the angel Gibreel brought Ayah 33 of Surah 33,

“Verily, Allah willed but to purify you Ahlul-bayt….”33:33

Lady Fatima is the symmetrical axis in this story so much so that when the archangel Gibreel aims at introducing those who are under the cloak to the heavenly creatures, he states, “They are Fatima and her father and her husband and her children.”

🕯 4. The Axis of Infallibility

Since Fatima is the axis of Ahlul-Bayt she is also the axis of infallibility as indicated in Ayah 33 of Surah 33. She was the mother and the spiritual coach of all the Imams of Ahlul-bait. The infallibility, bravery and guidance of all the Imams of Ahlul-bait were inherited from their mother, holy Lady Fatima. When Khadija (S.A) was pregnant with Fatima she used to speak with her. One day when the Prophet of Islam heard his wife talking to her baby he said to her, “Gibreel has given me the glad tiding that she is going to be a baby girl and her generation will be blessed and pure and indeed the Almighty God will continue my generation from her offspring and will make them the Imams and the vicegerents of God on earth after revelation has ceased to continue.” [Rodhatul Wa’ezin vol.1 p.143]

🕯 5. The Axis of Al Mubahilah

In the last year of the life of Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.W) a deputation of 60 high ranked Christians of Najran headed by Abdul Masih their chief monk-priest came and discussed with the Holy Prophet about the personality of Prophet ‘Isa (Jesus). When they refused to accept the logical reasoning of the Prophet of Islam, the Messenger of Allah by revelation invited them to a cursing challenge called ‘al-Mubahila`.

“Then whoever disputes with you concerning him (Jesus) after all this knowledge that has come to you, say: Come, let us call our sons and your sons, our women and your women, ourselves and yourselves, then we pray and invoke the Curse of Allah upon those who lie.” [3:61]

The only people the Prophet of Islam (S.A.W.W) chose to take to this vital challenge were: Imam Ali, Fatima al-Zahra, (Imam) Hasan and (Imam) Husain peace be upon them. In this challenge Fatima was the example of the child of the Prophet in ‘our sons`, the woman in ‘our women’. She was also the example of the soul of the Prophet in ‘ourselves` for the Messenger of God had said about her: “She is part of me as she is my soul in my heart.”

Of the significance of this selection the renowned Sunni scholar al-Qandoozi narrated from the holy Prophet (S.A.W.W): “Had the Almighty Allah knew more honourable people on earth than Ali, Fatima, Hasan and Husain he would have commanded me to challenge the Christians with them. But He ordered me to enter the Mubahila with them (Ahlul-Bayt) for they are the best creatures.” [Yanabi’ul-Mawaddah, p.131]

🕯 6. The Axis of Imams of Ahlulbayt (as)

The Almighty God gave the glad tidings to Fatima (S.A) that 11 infallible Imams will emerge from her offspring. Thus, she was called ‘the Mother of the Imams’ and ‘the Mother of the Blossoms of Islam’ and ‘the Mother of the Light of the Imams’. It is therefore narrated from the Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.W): “I am the tree and Fatima is its fruit-bearing and Ali is its pollen and Hasan and Husain are its fruits.” [Ihqaqul-Haq, vol.9 p.157]

Similarly, when Lady Fatima (S.A) delivered her eloquent sermon in the Masjidul-Nabi, Imam Ali (A.S) addressed her with the title of: “O the remaining of the Prophet-hood.” [Beharul-Anwar, vol.43 p.148]

Most importantly, the holy Fatima was the bearer and the depository of the divine secret, i.e. Imam Mahdi (may God hasten his reappearance).

🕯 7. The Axis of Faith

The Lady Fatima (S.A) is the axis of faith. It is narrated from the Imams of Ahlul-bayt (A.S) that on the Day of Judgment “she will be the scale of measuring the deeds of our lovers and our enemies.” [ al-Kharazmi, Maqtalul-Husain, p.107] Thus, she is the scale of measuring the lovers and the enemies of Ahlul-Bayt.

🕯 8. The Axis of the Sayyyeds

The holy Fatima was ‘al-Kouthar’ meaning abundant blessings. The generation of the last Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.W) has spread world-wide through his daughter Fatima. She is the mother of Millions of offspring of the Prophet from the linage of Imam Ali, Imam Hasan, Imam Husain, Imam Redha, and Imam Kadhem (peace be upon them). They are related to the Prophet of Islam (S.A.W.W) through Fatima.

🕯 9. The Axis of Intercession

The holy Fatima is the axis of intercession on the Day of Judgment to rescue the sinners from the Hell-fire. Indeed, she is called Fatima for Allah has safeguarded her and her followers from the Hell-fire. Numerous Prophetic saying indicated that she is called Fatima for Allah has prevented her and her lovers and followers from the Hell-fire. [See Beharul-Anwar, vol.43 pp.4 -18]

Jabir; the distinguished companion of the Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.W) who lived long enough to visit Imam Baqir (A.S) asked the Imam to inform him of the status of his grandmother; the lady Fatima (S.A). Part of the Hadith reads:

“On the Day of Judgment people will be ordered: Bend your heads down and lower your gaze for indeed this is Fatima proceeding to Paradise. She then will ask the Almighty: O my Lord! I would like my status to be known in this Day. Thus, the Almighty Allah addresses her: O daughter of My beloved! Look back and find whoever there is a love in their heart for you or for any of your offspring to take their hands and enter them into Paradise. It is on that Day the she will be as selective as a chicken selects the good seeds over the spoiled ones. Then the Almighty Allah will address those who loved the holy Fatima (S.A): Look back and find whoever loved you for the love of Fatima, whoever fed you for the love of Fatima, whoever clothed you for the love of Fatima, whoever offered you a drink for the love of Fatima… then take their hands and enter them into Paradise. Imam Baqir (A.S) then added: On that Day none will be left, save the one who has been doubtful (about the status of Fatima), or the one who has been Kafir or hypocrite.” [Beharul-Anwar, vol.8 p.51]

🕯 10. The Axis of Granting Wishes

Although all the fourteen infallibles are the gates through whom the Almighty God grants our invocations, the Lady Fatima has a pivotal role in the granting of our wishes. Even the Imams of Ahlul-bayt when they invoked to the Almighty, they asked Allah in the virtuous name of their mother Fatima. Thus, the name of Fatima is again the central core in the recommended supplication for our needs.

“Allahuma inni asaloka be haqe fatimata wa abiha wa ba’leha wa baniha wa sirril musta’da’efi ha an to salle’a ala muhammadin wa ale muhammad. Wa an tafalla be ma anta ahlo wa an taqthia hawa`iji”

“O Allah verily I ask You by the right of Fatima and her father and her husband and her sons and the hidden secret entrusted in her (Imam Mahdi A.J) that You may Mohammad and his family and that You may do for me what You are anticipated to do and that You grant my requests.”

🕯 Mutual Affection 🕯

The affection between Fatima and her father was mutual. That means, as much as the holy Prophet of Islam loved his daughter Fatima, she also loved her father the Prophet. Thus, the demise of the Prophet of God did not have but an enormous effect on Fatima. During her short time after the demise of her father, she cried so much that according to the words of Imam Sadiq (A.S) she became one of the five most weeping people in history of mankind. Prophet Adam (A.S) after his fall wept so much that stains marks appeared on his cheeks.

Prophet Yaqoub (A.S) wept so much in the absence of his son Yusuf that he lost his eye sight. Prophet Yusuf in return also cried so much in missing his father that his fellow prisoners requested that he should cry either at night or day. Imam Sajjad (A.S) wept for the last thirty-five years of his life for the tragedy of Karbala and finally the holy Fatima wept her life away in the absence of her father the holy Messenger of God. She wept so much that Imam Ali (A.S) had to build an isolated hut for her worshipping and weeping called ‘the House of Grieves'.

The weeping of Fatima however, was not only for the physical departure of the Messenger of God from this world, she wept also for the catastrophic deviation that occurred after the Prophet passed. Her weeping was in fact a cry opposition to awaken the Islamic Ummah of the evil consequences of their wrongdoing. Fatima was fully aware that the deviation that occurred in Saqifeh would lead to the massacre of Karbala.

“As salamu alayk O you oppressed lady whose right has been usurped and her rib was broken, the one who was beaten, the lady who was truthful and martyred.”

The enemies of Islam and Ahlul-bait could not stand her opposition. According to al-Mas’oodi; the renowned historian, she witnessed that the party of Abu Bakr forced Imam Ali to pay allegiance to Abu Bakr whilst Imam Ali was refusing. [Ithbatul-Wasiya p262]

Eventually, the enemies threatened to set the house of Fatima on fire should Ali continue to refuse allegiance. Omar ibn Kattab along with his men approached the house of Ahlul-bait. He threatened that should Ali still refuse he would burn the house down and the household. Omar was reminded that Fatima was also in that house, his only reply was, “Even so…”

I would like to end my speech by narrating the tragic event of the martyrdom of the holy Lady Fatima (s.a); the part of the heart of the Prophet and the beloved mother of her father with her own heartbreaking description of the scene,

“they placed firewood at the gate of my house and then they brought fire and torched it to burn us all. I was standing behind the front door. I pleaded with them by the name of Allah and my father the Messenger of Allah to leave us alone or help us. But Omar grabbed the whip of Qunfuz; the slave of Abu Bakr and whipped my arm so hard that it bruised and marked like a bracelet. He then kicked the door against me while I was pregnant, and I fell to the floor all the while the fire was blazing in front of me and its heat was burning my face. He then slapped me so hard on my face that my earring tore my ear then I felt the pain of labor and lost my innocent baby.

‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿

🕯 sources 🕯

Baitul ahzan (p. 97)

al-Ehtejaj (vol 1 from p. 203)

Sharh ibn Abil Haddid (vol 2, p. 21)

The History of Tabari (vol 2, p. 234)

Al Imamah & Al Siyasah (vol 1, p. 12)

Morujo Thahab (vol 2, p. 302)

Al Kafi (vol 8, p. 343)

al-islam.org

‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿

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thedudereviews · 4 years

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Carrie and Lowell: Sufjan Stevens and the Beautiful Melancholy of Grief

Dude Notes: This is one of the first full album reviews I ever wrote, all the way back in 2015. This album moved me immensely back then, and it still does today. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have!

Death is often a funny thing. It is a unique inevitability, in that it can happen anywhere, at any time, and in any way. What is also unique is how each person affected by a death grieves and comes to terms with it. Lemony Snicket once likened the death of a love one to “walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.” That sort of feeling is what is so beautifully portrayed on Stevens’ latest album Carrie and Lowell.

Named after his mother and stepfather, and written in the wake of his mother’s death (Stevens’ mother died in 2012 after lifelong battles with schizophrenia, depression, and alcoholism), the confusion of death surrounds the listener from the beginning. On the first track, “Death with Dignity”, Stevens sings “Spirit of my silence I can hear you/but I'm afraid to be near you/And I don't know where to begin…I forgive you, mother, I can hear you/And I long to be near you/But every road leads to an end.” This theme runs rampant throughout the entire record, and one can truly feel his sense of longing and helplessness during this turbulent time.

The listener gets the sense that Stevens really doesn’t know how to feel about his mother: his lyrics convey a sense of abandonment (“when I was three, maybe four/she left us at the video store”), forgiveness and loneliness (“I just want to be near you”), resignation (“we’re all gonna die”), suicide and anger (“Do I care if I survive this? Bury the dead where they’re found/In a veil of great surprises; I wonder did you love me at all?”), and turning to religion and finding no answers (“fuck me, I'm falling apart/My assassin like Casper the ghost/There's no shade in the shadow of the cross.”)

Through all the bereavement and grief, there is a quiet beauty in Stevens’ words. This is his most personal album; there are moments of stark realness ripped right from his childhood and adolescence. This is Stevens’ journey to make, his grief to feel. The listener is along for every moment: sad, happy, funny; everything he feels, the listener feels. The catharsis is wholly theirs.

Many say that music like Stevens’ is whiny, melancholy, and self-pitying for no real reason. However, every word on Carrie and Lowell carries that weight unassumingly, without pretention. These are the words of a man who has lost a major figure in his life. Even though his mother was absent for most of his life, she left an indelible mark on his life and way of thinking, and this record is the perfect tribute to everything his mother was, and also was not. She was not in any way perfect, and he does not paint her as such. He paints her as human, realizing that she abandoned her family because she knew that she was not yet ready or not able to make such sacrifices.

In a recent interview with Pitchfork, Stevens recalls the last time he saw his mother: “It was so terrifying to encounter death and have to reconcile that, and express love, for someone so unfamiliar. Her death was so devastating to me because of the vacancy within me...there is definitely a deep regret and grief and anger… But I say make amends while you can: Take every opportunity to reconcile with those you love or those who've hurt you. It was in our best interest for our mother to abandon us. God bless her for doing that and knowing what she wasn't capable of.”

The loss of a loved one is always difficult. It can be described as a crucible, a severe test or trial. The test does not matter. What truly matters is how one comes to terms with that particular loss. Grief comes in many forms, some new, some old. The important thing to take away from such a tragedy is this: Grieving is important, but so is closure. Closure is the best way to deal with a loss, and that is what Stevens has done here. Is this his best work? That point is debatable. But this is Sufjan Stevens at his most real, and that is what matters most.

#carrie and lowell #sufjan stevens #death tw #loss #grief #mourning #acoustic #folk #freak folk #2015 #review #review blog #album review #music review #first review #first post

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amplesalty · 4 years

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TV Binging: Pushing Daisies (2007-2009)

The facts were these...

At the risk of immediately dating this entry, the entire world is in the grip of a certain public health crisis right now and it seems everyone is taking that time to learn a new language, plunder their local supermarket for baking ingredients or just dive into that long neglected Netflix watchlist for something to pass the seemingly never-ending lockdown hours. For unknown reasons, my brain turned to the late noughties sensation of Pushing Daisies. Maybe because it’s relatively short, only two seasons totaling 22 episodes, or maybe it was a means of finally putting it to bed after two previous failed attempts to watch it all.

For the uninitiated, the show centers around Ned, a small business owner with the unique ability of being able to bring the dead back to life with just a touch of his finger, albeit with a few asterisks attached. Chief amongst them is that if he touches that person or thing again, they go back to being dead, permanently. And, if that person or things stays living for longer than sixty seconds then the power of the Universe, the Grim Reaper or Final Destination kicks in and takes something else in its place. This was something Ned learned at a very young age when his mother died suddenly of a brain aneurysm and in the act of bringing her back to life, he inadvertently killed the father of his neighbour and childhood sweetheart, Charlotte ‘Chuck’ Charles.

Cut to 20 years in the future, or 19 years, 34 weeks, 1 day and 59 minutes later as the narrator so handily informs us, young Ned has become ‘the pie-maker’, running The Pie Hole where he’s able to massively slash his overheads by being able to make delicious pies by simply bringing rotting fruit back to life to serve as his ingredients. It’s amazing the profits you can turn when you can entirely cut out the middle man of fruit suppliers isn’t it?

Plus he makes a little money on the side by helping a local PI named Emerson Cod. Why do all the hard work of investigating a crime when you can simply have a corpse brought back to life for sixty seconds, long enough to ask them who killed them.

It’s through this little business arrangement that Ned stumbles upon the unfortunate news that Chuck’s body was fished from the sea after she seemingly fell overboard on a cruise. With the prospect of a $50,000 reward for information on her passing, Cod is quick to get on the case but in the heat of the moment, Ned has other motives than money and neglects to re-dead his childhood crush.

Thus the series blossoms into what I would describe as a murder mystery meets fairy tale type show, with Chuck now tagging along as one of the Scooby Gang as they solve a new case every week. That’s probably a pretty apt comparison too considering Ned’s dog is often around too, a dog that he also brought back to life and has been keeping around for twenty years. Though, Ned isn’t a massive stoner and Cod doesn’t wear an ascot. He does have a couple of knitted gun holsters though if you want to equate that as his ‘fruity’ accessory.

The reward is something that feels a little shoehorned in early on, they always seem to go out of their way to make a point of saying something like ‘police are baffled and are offering a reward that leads to an arrest’ just so there’s a reason for Cod to get involved. It does eventually settle into someone coming to Cod directly to hire his services, whether that be a grieving widow or family member of a falsely accused wanting to clear their relatives name. That just made a bit more sense to me. You kinda have to look past the fact that the police never seem to be actively involved in any of these cases as well, allowing Cod and co to just swan around doing their thing until they’re able to turn in the real killer at the end of the episode and cash their reward. It always seems that they have a knack of turning up like two minutes too later to someones murder. They do make a point of turning this on its head in one episode though when they find Ned at a murder scene and figure him as the killer.

And maybe it’s just me being a chauvinistic pig but good lord you cannot escape boobs in this show. Or maybe not just me, punch ‘Pushing Daisies cleavage’ into Google dot com and it looks like a few people were talking about this at the time. It felt like one of those things that, once I noticed it, I just couldn’t unsee it. Women always leaning over or camera shots from above looking down their dresses. Just cleavage everywhere. It seems to come up at slightly inappropriate times, like Chuck’s aunts who are socially repressed and virtual shut ins but are stilled dressed up the nines, boobs pushed up and spilling out.

It kinda makes sense for Olive though, waitress at the Pie Hole and with a thing for Ned so she’s just trying to seduce him but without much luck. Doesn’t mean they don’t go out of their way to show off the twins outside the restaurant though such as when Olive takes ownership of the swimming costumes that Chuck’s aunts used to use as part of their synchronized swimming stage show.

Speaking of Kristin Chenoweth’s set of lungs, she gets to show off her musical background a few times throughout the show by breaking into song . It feels a little out of place as there isn’t any other musical acts in the show but she does a great job.

A more family friendly point of design is just how beautiful this show looks at times. Like, pretty much the first thing you see in episode one is young Ned and his dog running through down a vast hillside of flowers. It’s a really vibrant use of colour that runs throughout the whole show, whether it’s sets or costumes, and really adds to this whole fantasy vibe aided by the fantastical nature of Ned’s special power.

Businesses that pop up as part of the story have these grand, bespoke designed buildings that seem like they would never logically exist in the real world like this honey business with a beehive theme...

...and interior decorations centered around hexagons.

Even something as clinical as the city morgue almost leaps off the screen with a bold red and white striped building. Though, I feel having an entrance labelled ‘deliveries’ brings back a little bit of the coldness you would expect. They might be dead but give them some dignity, they’re not pizzas.

You occasionally get these childhood fantasy sequences as well from when Ned and Chuck would play together as kids, imagining the world in claymation before they would inevitably destroy it as they pictured themselves as giant monsters.

It ties into the characters as well, everyone wearing very colourful clothes except for Ned who only ever seem to dress in blacks or greys.

Except for when he has to act under false pretenses, pretending to be someone else in order to get information from someone or to distract a suspect. To play amateur psychologist for a moment, with someone neurotic as Ned, it’s like a visual representation of his inner self no longer confined, no longer suppressed under the weight of the problems he’s bottling up and pushing deep down within himself. For a brief moment he’s able to break free from the shackles of his black and white world and into rich and living colour. It’s like a strange inverse of how things might usually work where a splash of colour would make someone or something stand out amongst an otherwise drab background. Somehow Ned’s lack of colour draws the eye.

On a more technical level, it is often quite obvious how superimposed the actors are against the fancy backgrounds and that can be a tad distracting. The editing between scenes can sometimes lend to the creative feel of the series, there are a few episodes where instead of the usual wipes you get something more appropriate to the story of the episode. For instance, in one episode centered around a magic theatre show, the transitions are the closing and opening of the stage curtains. It’s a little touch but it adds to the whimsy.

It all adds up to what might the most cutest, adorable thing I’ve ever seen, for the first few episodes at least. Maybe it’s a case of getting used to the whole thing but early on there’s a bit of a feeling out process (or non feeling as the case may be) between Ned and Chuck, the smiles they share or the ways they have to vicariously show their affection by hugging Cod. Him being the unwilling third party in this unconventional relationship doesn’t help take the edge of what might be a saccharine affair. There is a slight sense of ‘will they, wont they’ about Ned and Chuck,, subverting the usual TV payoff of a big kiss by doing so through plastic wrap.Makes you wonder how they explore their other urges under these circumstances. Or maybe that’s just the lockdown thirst kicking in again...

I think the distance they have plays with your head a little bit. There’ a coyness to it that puts you in mind of a bunch of awkward kids at a school dance too nervous to dance with each other. Or maybe Ned standing two feet away from Chuck, holding his own hand and pretending it’s Chuck’s is just an eerie glimpse into the post apocalyptic world we’ll have to enter at some point and all our conventions of greetings and physical contact have been shattered.

For the rotating cast of peripheral characters the show goes through as each investigation comes and goes, it’s nice that a few a started to re-appear now and again, such as Paul Rubens’ Oscar, Christine Adams’ Simone or David Arquette’s Randy Mann. That last one is a name, not a description (a Randy Man, a Macho Savage). It helps build this broader world and story elements, albeit I’m torn on the latter. Oscar, for instance, suspects something is not quite right about Chuck and she worries that he’s going to uncover her secret. It never really goes anywhere though and, whilst you could argue that like any good mystery there is the odd red herring along the way, it still feels like a little bit of a bait and switch considering that are other things in the story that don’t get paid off.

I’ll have to look into the timeline for how the series came to a close because it definitely seems like they knew considering there’s a very tacked on epilogue to the final episode that tries to tie up some of the loose ends, but there are still some left that aren’t. Namely the presence of Ned’s father that he had thought had been long gone for some twenty years but had been closer than he thought the entire time, with the show giving periodical teases of him sitting in the Pie Hole or a more thrilling cameo as he sweeps in to rescue Ned and Olive from their untimely deaths as they cling to a branch on the edge of a cliff.

The fact that he does so whilst wearing a mask and wearing gloves is more of a way to lead Ned towards certain conclusions on the identity of this mystery man but I can’t help but wonder what the implications are on the gloves in particular. The mechanics of Ned’s power seem to be that contact in order to bring the dead back to life has to be made skin to skin, so maybe Ned inherited this power from his father and his father brought Ned back to life at some point? Maybe him abandoning Ned at a young age was done to eliminate any risk of him accidentally touching him again and making death permanent? I’m not sure that would hold up considering he later walks out on his new family and twin boys so this would require three different people to all have seemingly no memory of their own near death experience. Maybe it’s all been repressed, that wouldn’t be surprising considering all the childhood angst present in this show.

You know what else I’m confused on? The distance between Coeur d’Couers, where Chuck’s aunts live, and the Pie Hole. Maybe I’m misremembering or misheard but I’m sure in one episode the narrator mentions that they’re 161 miles apart, yet characters seem to go between the two like they’re five minutes away. One of the aunts arranges a secret date at the Pie Hole later on in the same night but that’s a pretty massive distance to cover considering they make a point that they’re only traveling on buses. I know travel is all relative to American’s considering the massive size of their country but that’s a pretty ridiculous distance to cover for a slice of pie.

#TV Binging #Pushing Daisies

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laulink · 5 years

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Helena is the new Avatar and I really don’t get why people are so mad about it

Like, honestly. Helena chose to not kill her abuser. She chose that. As Aang chose to not kill Ozai so his soul would remain pure, Helena chose to not kill the Witch Queen because she didn’t want to kill anyone anymore and she knew that death was not a punishment to Witch Queen. Honestly, what’s the point of killing her if she’s ready for death, welcoming it ?

Witch Queen is an abuser and a Nazi-level monster, I think everyone can agree on that. How and why she turned out like this, we don’t know (which is sad) and not knowing makes it easier to see her as nothing but that : a monster. Therefore, I understand that there was no uproar when she died in the other routes : she wasn’t as strongly connected to the LI and her link to MC was barely developped in the other routes. In the end, she was just the physical manifestation of evil that the heroes needed to defeat in order to achieve peace. But for Helena ? It’s an entirely different story.

Helena wasn’t a hero at the beginning of her route. She was a weapon, a sorceress, a wretched creature, every hurtful description you can think of Helena heard it in her childhood or later and came to believe it. And who made her that way ? The Witch Queen. The Witch Queen who tortured, broke and shaped her back into a form she could use to do her biding. The Witch Queen who made Helena believe her abuse was love. The Witch Queen who tried to reclaim Helena after she left with MC, to bring her back into her clutches to start this cycle of abuse all over again. The Witch Queen who did all this because she can’t stand not being in power. The Witch Queen who, at every chance she got, tried to convince Helena that she was nothing but a weapon and could do nothing but kill. Hell, Helena’s natural magic is about draining things and people around her, THAT’S the reason she believed she was a monster for so long !

So what do you think Helena would have felt if she killed the Witch Queen ? Happiness ? Relief ? At proving her abuser right one last time ?! Seriously ?!

As I already said, Witch Queen made it a point to always remind Helena of the blood she has on her hands, to make her feel awful about her past crimes and the people she was killing in the present. She tried to make Helena believe she was still a monster, even though she had left Witch Queen’s side. And you wanted Helena to do what ? Give the Witch Queen one last opportunity to rub it in Helena’s face that, up until the end, she did nothing but kill ? That she doesn’t know how to do anything else ? Do you even understand the entire point of this route ?!

Of course Helena wouldn’t kill Witch Queen, because if she did, it would break her. She would have regretted it for the rest of her life. She would have never had a chance to prove, to her and to others, that she can win without killing. And, as I said in the beginning of this post, dying wouldn’t even have a been a punishment for Witch Queen. She was ready to die, as she stated in the episodes themselves : “You will all die here with me. Even if Helena survives, she will live knowing that she could have saved you but instead chose a pointless fight.” It was her goal all along, to make Helena feel awful with herself for the rest of her life. Which is why the end that the author chose is the best, in my opinion. Because :

- Helena gets to live free of her abuser, to enjoy her life knowing that the Witch Queen will never come back AND that she didn’t have to kill her. Helena gets to live knowing that she is more than a killer, that she doesn’t need to kill to win a fight, that she is better than what the Witch Queen made her out to be. And that is priceless.

- Witch Queen didn’t die the way she wanted to. She still chose to die, but she didn’t have the option of making Helena feel awful about it or herself. She died to escape what she considered Hell on Earth, she chose the lesser of two evils, but she did NOT reach any of her goals. Not only that, but we got to see the Witch Queen as a human, for the first time ever maybe. Stripped of her powers, throwing her own dignity to the wind, she cried and wailed and lost control over everything. She was human, not a goddess ; she was a mess, not fighting ‘till the bitter end ; she was pathetic, not still cloaked with her dignity. The powerful abuser, always in control, stronger than anyone, was no more. And we never got to see her like that before. We saw her human side and she got to die, but not according to her plans. It wasn’t a victory for her : she ran away.

This was AMAZING to read through. Honestly, big thumbs up to the author for this last fight because it was incredibly satisfying to see the Witch Queen fall down and Helena rise above her and what Witch Queen made her out to be. And to all the people who are whinning because “Bou-hou, Witch Queen had the last word, she stripped Helena from her agency !” or “Bou-hou, why didn’t Helena kill her, she had a right to !” first : fuck you, and second : not only did Helena’s decision make a lot of sense, Witch Queen’s DIDN’T strip Helena of her agency : Helena had decided she wouldn’t kill Witch Queen and she didn’t. In the end, the only one Witch Queen’s decision impacted was herself, as the world is going to forget her anyway, she just won’t be here to witness it.

#lovestruck #love & legends #helena klein #discourse #I can't wait to see how much hate I'm gonna get from Helena stans for that #come at me dumbasses I'm ready

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shidoukanae · 5 years

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Leon Headcanons:

-Ignoring my own newly-crafted theory on him being possessed by a malevolent entity that wants to probably destroy humanity...Leon’s a good guy :D

-He’s kind and appreciative of the things around him and always shows his gratitude to the people around him. Polite but always social and willing to spark a crowd into a frenzy if it pleases him.

-He adores his little brother to the point Hop frequently gets embarrassed by his displays of affection. Leon still continues to dote on him anyways, mostly because he feels like its his responsibility as Hop’s remaining family to do his best for him.

-Has insecurity issues and specifically feels insecure about being a mentor to Hop and Gloria. He feels like his familial bond to Hop stops him from being an effective teacher while he feels Gloria is someone who is steadily creeping out of reach.

-Can be hot-headed but strangely never seems to have much of a temper. Always light-hearted and joking, even in the heat of moments. Some say this is due to his extreme confidence. Others are suspicious his lackadaisical nature is a defense mechanism against stuff he doesn’t know how to handle.

-Big unconscious crush on Sonia. The two of them have been rivals since their youth and mellowed out to best friends by the time Leon became Champion. He acts like a gentleman around her and gets particularly excited whenever he gets to meet her on his off-times as Champion.

-Occasionally, Sonia will still challenge him to a battle and get defeated but it doesn’t stop her from trying.

-He appreciates Rose’s guidance but the two have a rocky relationship with each other due to certain circumstances. They’ve become distant in the current day but back before Leon became Champion he was very proud of being Rose’s protégé.

-Leon is very much aware of Bede’s resentment towards him but honestly wishes the boy would stop taking it out on his protégé’s. He tries to make peace with the boy but never seems able to do so. Eventually, he has to rely on Gloria and Hop to try and bridge the gap between them.

-Leon sees himself as a mentor figure to Gloria and supports her greatly yet finds himself lacking in his ability to help her. He feels like he is unable to support and help Gloria grow and thus distances himself from her often. This has led to a complicated relationship between them: especially since Leon feels he can do nothing for her but, for Gloria, that is completely untrue but she can never get him to see that.

-Leon has a bad habit of spending way too much free time to himself and traveling around when he should be attending to his duties as Champion instead. This has led him to getting into constant fights with Chairman Rose who wants him to do his job.

Relationships:

Rose: To Leon, Rose is his cherished mentor and sponsor who allowed him to become Champion. He views Rose as a special person and treats the man with respect and dignity. However, due to conflicting views and personal issues, the two have long since gone their own ways with no hope of reconciliation. However, this doesn’t stop the occasional spectacle of Rose chiding Leon for avoiding his duties yet again. The same kind of spectacles Leon always ignores, of course, in doing things his way.

Oleana: Leon doesn’t interact much with Oleana but, when he does, he has a distaste for the cold way she treats him. He doesn’t know much about her and prefers to avoid interacting with her when he can. Their relationship at best is that they’re connected to each other through Rose and that’s it.

Bede: Leon constantly deals with the fact that Bede is Rose’s new protégé and that he has the sponsorship Leon no longer has from Rose. This has created mixed feelings from Leon because, on one hand, he’s happy to see Rose taking on someone new and training the boy just like Rose did for Leon. On the other hand, however, he’s stupidly envious of how close Bede is to Rose and that gives him an inability to properly talk to the boy and get on even grounds with him. This basically leads to a relationship between them that’s rocky at best and resentful at worst. Leon tries to show politeness and respect in Bede’s presence, however, always trying to be the more mature one of the two.

Marnie: Like with Oleana, Leon doesn’t interact much with her. However, he respects her and her battle prowess greatly and admires the way she treats his protégé’s with firm respect.

Gloria: His protégée whom he doesn’t know what to do with. He sees talent in her and tries to his best to raise her potential to its max. However, he quickly finds he doesn’t know how to handle her when her own abilities make him out of reach. This has caused him to feel insecure about his relationship to her and he has distanced himself from her, unwittingly hurting the bond between them.

Hop: Leon’s younger brother who he’d literally protect with his life. Leon dotes on Hop a lot and is never ashamed to show his affection for his brother. This affection, however, is deeply rooted in guilt. Due to a series of events, the two lost their parents just shortly before Leon became Champion. However, because Leon once prized his success as a Champion over Hop’s personal well-being (partaking in the Championship Cup just shortly after their parents died in order to fulfill his parent’s wishes of seeing him become Champion), he now feels entitled to do what he can to make Hop happy. He feels that prizing his selfishness over taking the time to grieve with his brother was the wrong thing to do and so he tries to overly make up for his mistake by protecting Hop and doing anything he can to make his brother happy.

Sonia: Leon’s rival from his childhood days who he has a crush on but doesn’t know it himself yet. It used to be a common sight to see them squabbling in a Pokemon battle only to later be camping together in the Wild Area to look at stars and discuss their future together. Leon supports Sonia’s dream of being a Pokemon Researcher and often comes to visit her during his free time. He’s very supportive of her and she is pretty much the person he trusts to tell his feelings to and work things out with. They’re often lorded as a power couple although Leon vehemently denies the claim that they are anything close to a “couple”.

Magnolia: He gets along great with the regional professor and he goes to her a lot for advice on how to run the region. He trusts her opinions and values them highly, even inviting her and Sonia to official league meetings to discuss issues of importance. The old woman seems to be fond of him as well and it’s pretty much well known that he’s welcome to dinner at her and Sonia’s house whenever he feels like staying the night.

#pokemon swsh #Leon #Champion Leon #and others #headcanons #look i think Leon's a cool dude okay #also #GLORIA JUST WANTS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT LEON WHY R U SO DUMB

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winterofthedarkestlight · 5 years

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Why Steve’s Ending in Endgame Doesn’t Work: An Essay By Me

Disclaimer: THIS IS MY OPINION. I’m not trying to tell people how to think. I just need to get all of this out of my system.

No, I’m not saying this because I’m a Stucky shipper who’s upset that Steve and Bucky didn't kiss. I wasn't naive enough to even entertain the thought that Marvel would ever make Stucky canon. And I’m not a Peggy-hater either: I loved her character in Captain America: The First Avenger (even more than Bucky on my first watch of it), and I truly believe that Steve fell in love with her (Steve can be bisexual, can’t he?). She was a kind soul who was one of the only people who treated Steve with the respect he deserved before he got the super-soldier serum, and she trusted him when no one else would. She was there for him as a friend and a mentor when he believed his childhood best friend had just died. However, highlighted in bold below are the reasons why I don't think that it makes sense for Endgame-era Steve to choose to stay with Peggy Carter in the past.

Steve wasn’t still that hung up on Peggy Carter.

By the time that Steve gets de-iced in 2012 right before the events of the first Avengers movie, Peggy has already lived 70 years of her life without him. She, no doubt, mourned for him when the Valkyrie crashed and there was no sign of his survival. However, it is MCU canon that she later went on to marry one of the men that Steve saved during the Second World War, help found SHIELD along with Howard Stark, and start her own family. In Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Peggy remarks on this fact to a visiting Steve who is staring at pictures of her and her family, saying, “I have lived a life. My only regret is that you didn’t get to live yours.” Note, she does not devalue the life she has lived based Steve’s absence from it; also note that she makes a separation between her life and Steve’s, and does not suggest that she regrets the loss of their romance. Steve goes on to confess to her that he is unsure of his place in the modern world, and is finding his work for SHIELD less than fulfilling. She reminds him that “The world has changed. And none of us can go back. All we can do is our best. And sometimes, the best that we can do is start over.” She makes it clear that she wants him to move on, to move forward. She wants him to let go of his attachment to the past and to remake a new life for himself in the modern world. And, surprise, surprise, that is what Steve does: he ends up making emotional connections with Natasha Romanoff and Sam Wilson, and later on in Age of Ultron it is made clear that he is now bonding with his fellow Avengers in much deeper ways than he did in the first Avengers film. Then, in Captain America: Civil War, Peggy dies of, presumably, old age: he attends her funeral, clearly in mourning, but he does not seem broken or traumatized by her death. The narrative makes it clear that he has moved on, just like Peggy wanted him to, just like she had moved on from him.

Still don’t believe me? Okay, how about this: he literally kisses her blood niece Sharon Carter in Civil War. Would he do this if he were still pining over her aunt, if he still deep-down wished that he had been able to make a life with her? I certainly hope not. If he were still hung up on Peggy, and Sharon was some kind of substitute in his mind...no, I’m not even going to entertain that idea. Steve Rogers is a man of character and dignity, and he would never do something like this to anyone, let alone the beloved niece of a woman he once respected.

(I honestly do believe that Marvel originally wanted to cement Steve/Sharon as a strong canon relationship starting with Civil War (since it is canon in the comics), possibly ending in Steve going off with her in the final Avengers film if they weren’t going to kill him off entirely. However, due to most of Emily Van Camp’s scene being cut, the romance ended up not connecting with most viewers, resulting in Marvel scrapping that idea.)

Steve would not choose to leave his friends behind in the present.

Perhaps one of the most common defenses of Steve’s ending in Endgame is that it gave him the peace, happiness, and companionship that he deserved. The things is...he already had those things in the present, at the very moment that he decided to go back to Peggy. He had found a trusted advisor, confidant, and right-hand man in Sam Wilson, who fought by his side in Winter Soldier, Civil War, and Infinity War. He had become a kind of mentor to Wanda Maximoff by the time of Civil War. And he had reunited with his childhood best (and arguably only) friend Bucky Barnes, who he thought had died in the 1940s. Why would he decide to leave them behind in the present, almost immediately after they came back from the dead, for someone whose funeral he had attended 7 years earlier? Were they not the people that he had been fighting to get back for the past 5 years?

Ok, now we need to talk about Bucky. Even if you don’t take his and Steve’s relationship to be romantic, he is without a doubt the most important person in Steve’s life post-defrosting, and had been the prime motivator of many of his actions throughout the Captain America trilogy. He has shown himself willing to literally die rather than cause permanent harm or death to Bucky, even when the latter might have been the saner course of action considering that at the time Bucky was a brainwashed assassin who had killed hundreds of people and was trying to kill Steve; he went to great pains to prevent Bucky from being injured or killed when Bucky was accused of bombing the United Nations; I could go on. His and Bucky’s relationship has been defined by constantly losing each other: when Bucky goes off to war without Steve, when Bucky falls from the train, when Bucky disappears after the events of Winter Soldier, when Bucky goes into cryostats after Civil War, when Bucky gets dusted in Infinity War. When they finally, finally reunite after 5 long years, why on Earth would Steve choose to leave him behind again? Steve promised Bucky in Winter Soldier that he was “with him ‘til the end of the line.” Did Steve not really mean this? Did he change his mind?

It was simultaneously awesome and frustrating to see how Endgame was very well aware of how much Bucky meant to Steve: 2012!Steve, when fighting Endgame!Steve who he thinks is an escaped Loki, drops his guard when Endgame!Steve says, “Bucky is alive.” Endgame!Steve has lived without Bucky for more years, at that point, than 2012!Steve has, yet the latter seems to care more.

Also, we need to talk about the way that Endgame portrayed Steve’s mourning of his friends lost to the Snap, or should I say lack of mourning. In a group therapy meeting with other survivors of the Snap, Steve ends up talking about--not Bucky, not Sam, not Wanda--Peggy. The woman who died of natural causes years earlier. How does this even make any sense narratively? We see the rest of the Avengers mourning those that they lost during the events of Infinity War; why wouldn’t the narrative give Steve this opportunity?

The time travel/reality bending leaves potential plot holes and raises questions about Steve’s character.

Ok, so I will go off of the assumption that Markus, McFeely, and the Russos are not stupid enough to simply have Endgame!Steve go back and remain within the main MCU timeline with Peggy. This would open up so many plot holes it’s not even funny: plot holes such as why on Earth Steve sat around and did nothing to help Bucky or stop HYDRA from infiltrating SHIELD for 70 years. I am instead going off the assumption that when Steve went back to marry Peggy, he created an alternate reality that diverged from the main MCU timeline, such that in the latter timeline the events of Agent Carter still happened and none of the MCU films were ret-conned. Steve could not have saved MCU-timeline Bucky or stopped MCU-timeline HYDRA. Ok fine. But...this still raises important questions which go unanswered by the narrative, such as: If Steve grew old in another timeline, then how did he return back to the MCU timeline? More importantly, why would Old!Steve come back to the MCU timeline? Did the Peggy of his timeline already die? Would no one else in that timeline miss him when he just disappeared?

Also, was there still another Steve Rogers in that reality, one who crashed the Valkyrie into the ice? The reason why Steve missed his dance with Peggy in First Avenger, and missed the opportunity to continue their romance in general, was because he nosedived a plane into Arctic water in order to prevent HYDRA bombs from going off: who neutralized this threat in this new reality?

There is also the question of what exactly Steve did in this alternate timeline. Many have claimed that of course he rescued this reality’s version of Bucky Barnes from HYDRA, prevented HYDRA from infiltrating SHIELD, ensured that Tony had a happier childhood, overall helped make the world a better place. If Steve had chosen to do none of this in the new timeline, it would have been woefully out of character; however, considering how out of character he already seemed to be throughout the movie, this possibility is not out of the question for me. Also: did Steve tell Peggy that had he not chosen to come back and create a new reality that she would have found love with another man, had this man’s children, and lived a fulfilled life? The narrative leaves these questions unanswered, but I feel like it is important to answer them if for no other reason than trying to better flesh out Steve’s character in this film.

In conclusion: I am not satisfied with the ending that Avengers: Endgame gave Steve Rogers because I think that it is out of character for him, devalues Peggy, and is in general ridden with potential plot holes. I am not trying to make light of the momentous effort that the Russo Brothers clearly put into this movie; they obviously have great love for these characters, and I respect the fact that they are entitled to their own creative vision. I am also not trying to put down people who were satisfied with Steve’s ending, or to invalidate their feelings and opinions: like I said before, I am not trying to tell people how to think, and I am happy for those who felt an emotional catharsis when watching the final scene of Endgame.

Feel the same way I do? Check out these articles by Den of Geek, Vanity Fair, The Wrap, and Game Spot. Also, check out posts by @iamnmbr3, @peterssquill, @stevenbuckys, @sweethoneysempai, @dykebucky and @mrs-n-uzumaki. Also, check out AO3 for Endgame fix-its like All My Chances Again and Break Faith by hitlikehammers.

#avengers endgame spoilers #Steve rogers #Peggy carter #Bucky barnes #sam wilson

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