#but my thing is im not even done with fiends

[radroller]

Part of me feels like i went overboard with the amount of fiends im using in Nocture but......i love them!!!!!

[mrzombielover]

- slow ride ch2

feat. sinner!adam x fem!hotel worker!reader

previous chapter || series masterlist || next chapter (wip)

warnings: NSFW, more substance use in this one, a bit of angst?, readers emotional issues

a/n: i feel like my writing sucks esp in this chapter cause im sorta rusty and sick so i cant even tell if this makes sense but oh well😭😭😭 anyway pls send me hazbin reqs!!!!! having the worst brainrot lately esp for this horrible man!!!

wc: 2.9k

“I'm not breaking up inside / I'm much to proud to moan / Baby, please come home”

Oh my god. What did I just do? Why did I do this?

You turn your head to look at Adam where he’s lying on the other side of the bed, and find his expression closely mirrors your own. Pure disbelief is written on his features, and you grimace, turning to look back at the ceiling.

After a moment, you sit up, grabbing your box of cigarettes and a lighter off your bedside table. Once lit, you swing your feet off the bed to reach for shirt and now ripped panties, standing up when you’re partially dressed. You hear Adam sit up behind you.

“Soo, that was… uhhh…” He trails off, mouth hanging open as he thinks of what to say.

“Let’s… not speak about this again,” You say carefully as you turn back to face him.

“Yeah. yeah, i’m good with that,” He says quickly, finding his robes off the floor. You’re surprised he doesn’t say anything about the smoke.

You cross the room to get your pants off the floor, pulling them up as Adam grabs his jacket. You pull up your fly, and look up to see Adam’s staring at you with an expression you can’t read. His eyes flicker to your lips, and he starts to lean closer.

“Kiss me and i’ll cut your fuckin’ tongue out,” you say as you turn your head away.

“Oookay then. I’ll, uh, see ya,” For once, he has no snarky comment or crude joke to make as he straightens up and leaves your room.

After that, you told yourself never again. It happened once, it’s out of your system, it’s done. A one time thing.

But then it happens a second time.

“It’s a disgusting habit! All your clothes, your whole room fuckin’ reeks!”

“Are you tryin’ to get me to loose my temper here? ‘Cause i’m about to shove you out that fucking window!”

“And look how angry you get, you fucking fiend, it’s been like 2 hours!”

“Why don’t you mind your goddamn business?”

You raise an arm to hit him, but he catches your elbow, twisting you around so your back is to him and he can hold you in place. You struggle to break from his grip, when suddenly-

“Oh my god,” You deadpan, but your voice doesn’t come out as disgusted as you expected at the feeling of something hard poking into your lower back.

“Okay, this is not my fault-“ Adam says quickly.

“You- fucking perv!” You spit, but your words hold no weight when he flips you again and lifts you up, placing you on the counter and you make no effort to struggle. You spread your legs so he can slot between them as items pushed out of the way cascade off the counter, falling to the floor with loud crashes.

You then told yourself that would be the last time. But not even you fully believed yourself. And once it happened a third, fourth, and fifth time, you just accepted this is something that happens now. You’re not proud of it- some of you hates yourself, but another part of you finds a a sick, primal pleasure in it. It’s the only guaranteed way for you to get him to shut up, if only for a few minutes. The fight for dominance- fuuck you’re messed up, huh?

Thinking of the humiliation you’d feel if any of the others found out- oh god, how could you look Alastor in the eyes again- you change absolutely nothing about your behavior around Adam. On the surface, nothing has changed at all. You two still bicker and argue all the time, if anything, worse than ever. Yet the other members can feel something’s up, that something changed. Adam’s insults feel more hollow. He always said shit just to rile you up, but there was usually an undertone of truth to his words. Not anymore- it’s all stupid shit that everybody can tell he doesn’t care about. Nobody says anything about it, though, until-

“What the fuck are you smilin’ for?” Angel’s voice makes Adam jump as he enters, sitting down on the couch beside him.

“What-? I wasn’t smiling,” Adam quickly denies. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh my god- are you’re gettin’ laid?” Angel grins, sitting up. The look on Adam’s face tells him everything, and he can’t help but laugh. “Oh, you so are! No wonder you’ve been in such a good mood lately,”

“Uh, duh i’m getting laid, I’m Adam, I’m the origin-“

“Yeah, yeah, original dick. But that’s not what I mean and you know it.” Angel grins widely, and Adam can feel his face heating up. Oh god- why is he blushing? Since when does he care? He pushes the thought from his head.

“…You don’t know her,” Adam decides to say, crossing his arms and turning back to face the TV, hoping Angel will just leave it at that.

“Try me,” Angel leans closer, looking intently at Adam’s expression. When Adam says nothing, Angel laughs again.

“Oh my god I so know her,”

Adam grits his teeth but says nothing as Angel laughs.

“Okay, fine, don’t tell me who you’re havin’ weird secret kinky sex with,” Angel shrugs, turning to face the TV. “I’ll find out eventually,”

That makes Adam sweat.

You can’t help but laugh, nearly spitting whisky everywhere while Husk chuckles to himself. Sure, it’s a bit trite, ranting to the bartender about your shitty day while he pours you a stiff drink, but Husk could always make you laugh about it, and call you out on your bullshit if needed. He was real, and you liked that about him. Plus, it beat drinking alone when none of your other friends wanted to party on a Wednesday.

“-and not a crazy bitch like I’m a crazy bitch, crazy like she lit her mom’s hair on fir-“

“Husk holy shit!”

Both of you look in the direction of Angel Dust’s voice as he runs from the hallway towards you both. He leans over the bar, eager to share whatever news he had.

“Adam’s fucking somebody- somebody here!”

You choke on your whisky, spitting it back into the glass. Angel and Husk both look at you with a raised brow.

“My bad,” is all you say. you can’t think of anything else that would play it off, so you just quietly wipe off your face while Angel recounts his encounter with Adam. You feel an eye twitch- you could strangle that prick for being so conspicuous.

“You’re quiet, Y/N,” Angel says in a teasing tone.

“I just could not care less if I tried,” You say back, firmly but with a shrug, and you hope it suffices as an acceptable explanation, and that you come off as your usual apathetic self. You finish your whisky, and luckily, Angel doesn’t give you any more shit. Slightly unsettled by that interaction, you avoid Adam for the next few days.

Late one evening, everybody’s gone up to their rooms and the hotel is quiet. You’ve already eaten, smoked, brushed your teeth and put on pajamas, but there’s nothing good on TV and you’re bored and high and just want a task to keep busy. So you wander aimlessly into the kitchen and find yourself doing the dishes that Charlie was too stressed out to do earlier.

As you scrub brown charred bits off a pan, you find your stupid weed-addled brain wandering to Adam. You haven’t fought with him in a while, mostly because you’d run away before he had the chance to start, but still. It feels weird, being so calm lately. No wonder you’re bored. It’s the way things used to be at the hotel, before he arrived. You guess you hadn’t realized how used to his presence you’ve gotten. Gross. You cringe at the thought.

Luckily, your phone starts to vibrate on the counter, giving you a distraction. You pick up and hold it between your ear and shoulder without looking at the caller ID.

“Yo, where are you right now?”

Of course.

“Adam? What the fuck, when did you get a phone?” You snort. When you realize you’re smiling you clear your throat and force your face to relax.

“Whatever. Can you come upstairs?”

You pause. He sounds slightly odd.

“What, like, to your room?” You raise an eyebrow. “Why?”

“ohmyfuckinggod- can you not be difficult for fucking once and just do what I ask?” Then, as an afterthought, he adds “Please?”

Damn, okay. You don’t say anything for a moment, thinking maybe you’re just smacked and he’s being normal.

“Suuuure… Just uh, gimme a minute,” You say carefully, putting the dishes down. Then, he hangs up on you. What a dick.

Unbeknownst to you, while you’ve been thinking about him, he’s been thinking about you way more.

You’ve been avoiding him- obviously. Not unexpected, but it pissed him off to no end. He’s fucking Adam! Who are you to ignore him? Aren’t you supposed to be keeping an eye on him, anyway?

By now, the others have started to accept him- including them in their plans, drinking with him, no longer leaving a room when he enters- so he doesn’t really need a chaperone anymore. Despite this, it still feels wrong. Even in a room with every other patron of the hotel, he’d started to notice when you weren’t there.

He didn’t even notice he was starting to miss you at first. It wasn’t until he and Charlie were seated at the bar, and he drank more than he probably should have, that he mentioned you were avoiding him.

“What’dya, miss her?” Husk asked.

“Awww, Adam!” He still remembers the look on her and Husker’s faces. “You are starting to change! That’s so sweet of you!”

And then because she was drunk she kept rambling about it for like 30 minutes, but he doesn’t remember the rest of what she said, just the utter humiliation he felt. He shut up for the rest of the night to avoid spilling his guts any more, but Husk- the annoying fucker- still gives him knowing looks every now and then.

And after Nifty had washed his sheets, and he’d noticed that his pillows lost the scent of cigarettes, perfume, and shampoo you’d left behind, he knew he was royally fucked.

The worst of all, though, is that he feels helpless to feeling these emotions- and even worse, he doesn’t want to stop feeling them. Before he’d even noticed it, he was thinking about you all the time, and he was fine with it. The embarrassment was killing him, even though, supposedly, nobody knew.

On this particular night, he’d probably had just a tad too much beer with his dinner, because when he’d returned to his room and flopped on his bed, there was a little bug in the back of his brain that kept whining about how empty it felt. He tossed and turned for a bit, just wanting to sleep it off, but he eventually gave up, reaching for his phone.

“Adam?” Before you’re finished knocking, Adam jumps up to get the door, pulling you inside quickly. You make a noise of surprise as he scoops you up immediately, not saying anything as he carries you to his bed.

“Damn, needy, huh?” You laugh. This time, it’s him telling you to shut up as he tosses you onto the bed and crawls over you.

You sit up slightly to help him get your shirt off, and then his lips are on your neck, trailing down to your chest as he unclips your bra.

“Haven’t seen you in a while,” He says with a casual shrug as his hands run up your torso to grope at your tits.

“mm,” You hum, arching your back into his touch. “missed this?” You smile sarcastically. Missed you, he thinks.

“Sure missed these,” He pushes the thought away and grins back, squeezing your chest for emphasis. He pulls back briefly to rid himself of his own shirt, then bends back down to press more kisses to your flesh. He looks up, staring at your expression as he takes one of your nipples in his mouth, reveling in the whimper he’s rewarded with.

“fuckin’ perfect tits…” He mumbles into your chest before nipping at your skin. You let your eyes shut as his free hand slides down, under the band of your shorts and his finger brushes the hot skin beneath, skimming over your lips. Adam thumbs at your clit through your panties, relishing in the whine he rips from your throat.

Impatiently, you shift your hips up to slide off your shorts and panties, then reach to tug at his belt loops to signal he should do the same. When he looks up and sees the desperate look on your face, he decides not to keep you waiting, and pulls back to rip off his pants and boxers.

You guess avoiding him these past few days has affected you, too, because you’re surprisingly desperate. You sit up, wrapping your fingers around his cock, smearing his arousal across his length, and whatever he had been planning to say dies and comes out a needy garble of nonsense that makes you snicker.

To your surprise, he has no quip as he crawls over you and pushes himself between your legs. He bites back a gasp when you rub the head of his cock between your folds, a groan following a moment after as he begins pushing into you.

Your thighs are trembling by the time he’s fully inside of you, and you wrap your legs around his waist weakly while you adjust to the stretch.

He sits up fully, and from this view, you look stunning. The way you're laid back on his pillow, tears pricking in your eyes, he thinks you look more angelic than anything he ever saw in heaven.

“fuuuck,” He groans, letting his head fall onto the bed as he starts to move his hips.

“Adam!” The way you whine his name is truly sinful, and he feels his dick twitch in response.

“holyfuck, ‘s so big,” The slight burn makes you regret your impatience now, and his face makes you regret stroking his ego. You make a point to ignore his self satisfied laugh, focusing instead on how his cock stretched you open, making you to tighten and release around him. You turn your head, looking at his wicked fucked-out smile that grew wider and wider as his movements got deeper.

You can’t speak, you just moan helplessly as your hands search for anything to grab onto to steady yourself. You throw your hands around his neck and bury them in his now dark wings, in the way you always did. You gripped the feathers tightly and let out a moan and oh, god, he’s not going to last long, he thinks, with you gripping the sensitive feathers like that. He groans again, then his lips find your shoulder, where he leaves messy, open-mouthed kisses trailing towards your neck.

“so fuckin’ sexy, so, so good for me,” you barley even register that he’s speaking, with your entire focus being on the way he moved in and out of you.

“you’re- so beautiful,” he says between grunts. your eyes widen.

“wha-ahh-“ before you can question that, a particularly hard thrust makes the words die in your throat, and you’re clawing to his biceps again.

A warmth of pride erupts in your chest at the way his breathing has turned labored and his grip on you tightens. An arm snakes around your waist, the other under your head, pulling you impossibly tighter against him as he continues to desperately pound into you. The proud smirk you wore is wiped off your face when you feel one hand releases you and his hand trails down, eventually pressing a thumb your clit, rubbing small circles that make you moan and twitch beneath him.

You can’t even warn him before your whole body erupts. You spill over, you lose sense of where and who you are, all the while, Adam pounds into you, strokes you inside and out. You vaguely hear a sudden crash and him mumbling, thanking god that you came before him because seconds later, he’s spilling his own cum inside you with a broken wanton groan.

Adam stills for a moment, panting as he holds you close. When he rolls off you, he keeps one arm around you, pulling you against his chest. Huh. That’s new.

Neither of you say anything. That was… different, than you’re used to with him. You furrow your brows as you think, and find yourself confused. The cogs in your head turning something terrible in your mind, questioning his intentions.

Once you’ve caught your breath, you sit up, pushing away his arm as you go to find your clothes. He frowns, watching you pick your shirt up from the ground and pull it over your head. You looked guarded, like a cornered doe, like you were just waiting for the chance to sprint away.

Adam grabs his own boxers from the floor and pulls them on, quickly crossing the room to where you were. He looks down at you, and feels an odd, tightening in his chest, something he’s felt a lot since falling to hell.

He leans against the door, putting on a cocky smile.

“Soo… this was like a booty call, huh?”

“…Yeah, whatever. See ya,”

[austinsastrology8991]

> Mer{Cure}Y <

I gots some drugs for yall fiends > plug back <

1 > No one wants to talk to each other Hi how are you? good thanks :) Nice day isnt it. It for sure is! Hey wyd. not much wbu. Im chilling. Same lol. what are you doing? Im watching something on youtube. Oh nice. Wbu? im watching anime. Oh cool. No wonder we are all fiends for some entertainment, because we are incapable of entertaining each other. 2 > The insecurity of not sounding smart makes everyone conform into a retarded form of one another. We all have the same views. The same topics are constantly being brought up. And when someone speaks about something new, everyone loses interest because no one can handle the reality that maybe they don't know something. Oh and the only reason you listen to each other is to get something from that person whether that be attention, or clout or whatever the fuck you define as your ends. Since most of us, are in a state of fear, we aren't able to talk about something we don't know about. 3 > Mercury is about confidence. And most of yall bite your tongues but love to act tough. Every person who has told me they are hard, is incapable of pushing the envelope. I think you are more caught up with your own image, and are afraid of not appearing tuff. But guess what true courage is about revolting against whats normal, or the courage to be wrong. Show dont tell true?. ANd im done hearing about whoever the fuck you think you are. Show me something interesting dont tell me what you think you are. Don't tell me what you want me to hear. 4 > Conversations are being ruined by people who are constantly telling others they are wrong. Excuse me fucker. But are you capable of arguing against me? No beyond that. Can you stick to the conversation at hand, or are you going to source the same sources every SJW ever has cited. Your not even a real person, your just mimicrying beliefs you believe in. Pathetic tbh. Hey whatever more people will agree with you because we are all jsut looking for a place to belong. so good for you. You chose the easy way out bravo. I thought conversations were a place to discuss and learn. But your so focused on being correct. to me you look wrong, but you do 'sound' right because well .. to reiterate we all want to be right so we band together with whats acceptable. 5 > School fucked you. You were told to sit down and stfu. and if you were invested in to the conversation in the class room. You were memed on by all ur class mates. School breeds insecurity, and teaches people to sit down. Thats why some of yall are so forceful in standing up for yourself. Trying to break the chains of the past. And before you point the finger at me. Don't shoot the messenger. we were all brainwashed, I dont blame anyone trying to change the foundations of your past, considering how fucked it all really is 6 > "Im not that smart" This is just an excuse. Learning everyone can do. You just need to concentrate and put effort in. "oh I canT beCauSe I HaVe ADHD" well my bad just take more of that meth shit that way you can turn into mini hitler and become smart I guess. Also if your so insecure go cry to your psychologists like ffs. Eveyrone can be smart. YOu just need to develop your confidence > Rule 3 <

7 > You learn from what you see. monkey see monkey do. if your surrounded by a bunch of dumb cunts. YOur a dumb cunt now. If your being put down by people in your clique you are surrounded by negativity. If your being constantly praised for nothing you are surrounded by yes man. Find diversity. use discrepency. Its perfectly okay to judge people. stop suppressing that urge to appear 'normal' Many people are not normal but we are so caught up in trying to act normal when we are all pretty fucky 8 > The past was different and so will be the future. Would you shut the fuck up with the pessmism. Things will change. You need to be open to receiving it. You've had happy times as much as youve had bad times. ANd if your trapped in a big pit hole of death. well you better get climbing because no one can be bothered to help anyone anymore because we are probably the most selfish we've ever been ever (social mediaaaaasaa) and the adults are still trying to adjust to the internet because the world been flipped (itll flip again) 9 > No one cares about your opinion more than you Thats why your so uncomfortable speaking your truth. Because everyone is more into their own truths. So we practise the art of self affirmation by denying other peoples truths. When everything exists for a reason. WE are so caught up in making our own manifestations true by denying others 'truths.' Selfish cunts.... But hey wtf am I saying Im just an anonymous pluto I don't know shit ;')

My next post is my last post. Don't cry. I have my reasons. My next post however is going to my >master piece< ;')

[kouhaiofcolor]

My Hispanic coworker approaches me unprovoked & truly out of nowhere to ask me if it's okay for someone like him to use the n word casually. Dunno where it came from. Dunno why he asked. Nobody was discussing this whatsoever. But he does it w this malisciousness he's trying to be humorous ab, I guess. Im not entertained tho, so i answer him no. And told him I wasn't even going to explain why bc I got the sense that he was trying to be "funny". So bc i didn't give him the response or reaction he was fiending for (*this is not the first time he's done this), he decides to segue into this justification as to why it should be okay since he's from New York. His excuse being: All races of non blacks there use the slur, regardless of it being just that. I tell him, "that'd be like me telling you that I can use any of the slurs there are for Hispanics just bc ppl use them here in Florida". He asks me, "which ones? Go ahead, use them." To which I sensibly declined. Cus wtf do i get out of it, right? I didn't proposition him w this dumbass conversation.

I'm even more lost as to what he was looking to gain by following up w just saying nigga anyhow — but before I could think ab it I checked him. Quick af. Harsh af. Now he acting squeamish like the white ppl when they fuck up on the same damn thing. This is why this "pee oh see" shit just doesn't hit for me. This is why I steer clear of that, "we're all the same/experience oppression the same way" shit. Bc of shit like this. When nbpoc intentionally say/do antiblack shit this out of pocket. I wasn't bothering him, I've never disrespected him culturally, & no one held a gun to his head & made him say that ignorant shit to me. But like i said, this isn't the first time he's done this, either. Anyhow, he's fucked for me. There is no redemption. Debating whether or not to take action on this. Doesn't help he did it in front of my manager — who was crickets. But then I overheard him trying to victimize ab my silence, since I guess it seemed aggressive?🙄😂 Lmao. Yuh. He done. Check yourselves, nbpoc. Yall are not as different or more reserved w your antiblackness as you think. And we keep telling yall that shit. 😅

[vriskabot]

davris morning routine hcs?

YOU CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD I WAS PLAYING MINECRAFT cracks my knuckles. this kinda turned into sleeping habit and self care hcs as a whole sorry not sorry -vriska is not a night owl or a morning person but she IS a long and heavy sleeper. do not wake her up before she is good and ready or you WILL get torn a new asshole bare minimum. if the verbal lashing does not work she will escalate immediately and directly to grievous bodily harm -dave is probably the only person who can manage this without dying but even THEN he would much rather get on her ass about going to sleep on time than get on her ass about getting up in the morning -dave is a much lighter sleeper and honestly naturally a nap guy. i think on a genetic level the strilondes dont sleep long even when they DO manage to sleep (dirk and rose are notorious insomniacs) but i dont think dave really minds it -nobody knows when he sleeps but he does! hes just Constantly Around -this was only further reinforced by living with bro and being trained and all that jazz so daves sort of got a built in alarm clock (lol time player) -in that vein dave can kinda predict when vriska is gonna be up based on what time shes gone to sleep so he can be in and out of the bathroom before she needs to be in there which is. a very very good thing -i think dave was a lot more anal (and anxious) about what he looked like when he was a teen (to the point of being unable to leave the house if his hair wasnt JUST right) but hes way more lax about it now -that being said i also dont think hes gone fully curly girl now that hes okay with his hair having a single iota of texture whatsoever. he just combs it into the style he wants it to dry in and lets nature take the wheel after that (its very soft and vriska LOVES to touch and tousle it) -he MAYBE uses a light pomade while wet if anything but thats only if he NEEDS his hair to stay nice all day -vriska on the other hand. woo buddy. -depending on how im feeling about her styling, shes either full 17 step curly hair routine or blowdried + straightened + hairsprayed until its crunchy even if her hair is naturally already straight -like im sorry shes SO emo -i think a lot of that stemmed from the sort of persona she put on to protect herself that ended up becoming her taste Anyway -the full face of makeup + done hair carries a very Intentional feeling that makes her seem a little less off the wall, has-no-clue-what-shes-doing than she really IS -ultimately its about control! having more control over the interpersonal dynamics and the flow of things based on the kind of assumptions people make about her based on the way she presents herself -dave was doing his similarly insane hair routine at 13 14 15 for the same exact reasons -dont let her fool you though its all smoke and mirrors -when she was in her teens it was definitely a full coverage foundation + powder foundation + pencil liner for EVERYTHING situation and loads of dark eyeshadow -in her adulthood though i think shed be alright with like. a much more lightweight base like bbcream or even just concealer in spots for daily wear and she saves the full face beat for more special occasions like dates and shit -as much as i think dave finds later on in life that he actually kinda enjoys cooking, hes not up making a Full Breakfast every day -theyre both perfectly fine with like. toast and microwave breakfast sausage to eat -vriska however is not to be trusted with the stove. she sucks SO bad at cooking save for the few dishes shes ruined enough times that shes got the experience to do it right -both of them are horrible caffeine fiends. they will drink soda or energy drinks with breakfast and then wonder why their fucking stomachs hurt later -i think in the case of NEEDING caffeine vriska is much more varied in her intake sources--energy drinks, soda, coffee, and tea are all viable options depending on how much energy she feels she needs -dave though... he feels like the "starts with an energy drink and only drinks other stuff when he has a craving" kinda guy

-though maybe thats the raging adhd you tell me -their bed is almost never ever made and both of them live in organized chaos. whether or not they ENJOY the chaos is a different story entirely -vriska is a blanket hog AND a pillow hog so they eventually had to settle on each having their own blankets -vriska loathes mint toothpaste and dave is a cinnamon toothpaste guy so you can imagine how much of a eureka moment vriska had the first time she spent the night -and yes that means she was just bearing with the mint because she had no clue there was any other option -uhhhhh i cant think of much else more on this topic i hope u enjoyed <3

[gh0st1nth3wa11s]

🧇

okay.

Cracks knuckles and opens the wiki bc I don't remember shit

CW/drugs and alcohol mentions Toast - The British one first? yes, obviously

- HE DOES HARD DRUGS. We have seen that Mac is a hallucinogenic. And it can kill. So I assume in real world logic, it's some strand/type of pot that has LSD in it. Therefore, when you melt it down/make oil/butter, whatever it can be put into food, and he chose Macaroni! because why not! idk, just my thoughts on it.

- British Prince with a Cybernetic arm...

- ... he's cannonically an alcoholic. fiends for some good whiskey

- The whole, whent to prison/ possibly a psych ward during the puppet arc,, is very near to my heart. so so much angst.

- BRITISH DISCO. *shakes you menacingly* WHAT THE FUCK IS BRITISH DISCO?! It killed his first wife. by LOOKING AT HIM WHILE DOING IT. How did that come about?? how did he get that power??

- I think it's heavily implied that Toast knows more about Ghosts past than he (Ghost) even does. and that's. really interesting to me.

- in the videos, he's very giggly! either as an anxious thing or just a thing he does!

I'm pulling from the wiki now btw

- If he does hand puppets he will explode. similarly to an ION BOMB EXPLOSION.

- ..possibly was in a boy band?? 30 years ago??

- HE pisses. BOUNCY BALLS.

- "Anytime Johnny Toast hears anything related to a wolf he has to throw things." <- squints

Johnny Ghost time, heheheeh

- Ghost cannot bleed or else Jimmy will be triggered. With how much he gets hurt or shot. He must be stressing to keep Jimbo back.

- Ghost has cannonically been sent to wards and mental hospitals? even in his younger years... and the end of "Jimmy Casket returns" is a great opportunity to explore what Ghosts experience/s of a ward. it's like, the end of the video is a perfect set up too explore this, and im surprised people haven't done it already!

- The character changes after being stuck in the dimensions... showoff, brave, explosive to, paranoid and insecure, and untrusting.

- he's. Johnny ghost Is part ghost.

- THE WHOLE BOWLING BALL THING???

- wince's and gets pain when called Gregory 👀

- He's actually v e ry fucking smart! He's made robots of his partner and has possibly made spirits. (reference to the baymax video)

JIMMY!!!

- "In 2016, Dipper Pines, in an attempt to purge Casket from Ghost's system, unintentionally gave Casket a corporeal form. Casket has not had as strong a hold in Ghost's mind since, although he is still there, to an extent." <- pulled from the wiki, so uh. I didn't know this.

- Jimmy is scared of Mac (possibly that time Ghost died from getting drugged bUT)

- Chris "Colon" Ghostie

- interdimentional beanie.

sadly, I can't find shit on spooker. I am so sorry, spooker fans 😔

[aziraphales-library]

hello ! do you happen to know of any hurt!Crowley fics that focus on all the little hurtful things Aziraphale has said to him throughout the years ? like examples from the show would be all the "foul fiend" stuff or "you do something, im the nice one !"

or maybe like how A always seemingly expecting the worse of C or constantly is reminding him of his demonic status as a sort of insult

hope i described that well ? basically aziraphale hurting crowley with little comments throughout the years (even if he didnt really mean them) and that building up

Hi. We have a bunch of fics like this on our #apologies tag, in which Aziraphale acknowledges and apologies for how he’s talked to and treated Crowley over the years, so do check those out. Here are some more fics along the same lines...

Worst Case Scenario by EdosianOrchids901 (T)

Aziraphale keeps insisting that a Heavenly victory will be “rather lovely”, and Crowley is sick of hearing it. If Heaven wins, they’ll either destroy or torture all demons. How can Aziraphale think that’s lovely? Crowley confronts him with reality.

Loose feathers by tenebi (T)

Situation: Crowley and Aziraphale have been drinking, Aziraphale yet again mentions Crowley's nature and his “ incapacity to love ”. “I mean it’s not like you have been treating me like I am always here to personally attack you or it’s not like you have been putting every fucking problem of this earth on my back just because I happen to be there, and yeah I know I know that what demons do but I was expecting you to understand after a bit… or when you keep telling every soul that we meet that we aren’t friends” Crowley's voice began to crack, but he didn’t care anymore.

His glasses were giving him enough protection to hide the pain in his eyes and the literal pain caused by the liquid that had started to gather up in his eyes.

“ but the worst the worst is that even after everything, the 6000 years, the armageddon and the trial.. you still think I don’t-”

Six Thousand Years by Ilovecastiel18 (G)

Post-canon. Aziraphale explains to Crowley that he has loved him for a long time, he was just scared of what Heaven would think. Crowley gets angry because Hell would have done worse, but he never hid his love. He leaves to think things over and comes back with a gift for Aziraphale and an apology. Hurt/Comfort, angst, romance, fluff, love confessions.

Let me be that I am, and seek not to alter me by elf_on_the_shelf (M)

The World didn't end but that doesn't mean there aren't quite a lot of things to be addressed yet. Especially between an angel and a demon and especially after they have avoided talking about them for so long.

Looks like I am finally doing a "night at Crowley's flat" fic, two years too late :)))

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy by prongsredconvers (G)

“I’m not angry, Aziraphale” Crowley interrupted him, his tone somewhere between a sigh and a mumble “I was never angry at you. I just don’t want to have dinner with you” “But if you are not angry, then why?” Crowley slowly rocked on his feet. “Because I’m tired, angel” Aziraphale stared at him. There wasn’t irritation in his voice. Nor anger. It sounded void, emotionless. Maybe a little resigned. “Tired of what?” “Of everything” the demon replied

Or: After a fight, Aziraphale understands how much he's really hurt Crowley and tries hard to fix it. Also, Crowley finally takes care of himself.

Warmth by indigo (E)

Friends with benefits really had to be the very best solution there was for any self-respecting immortal being on Earth. Handy. Convenient. The perfect way to de-stress with none of the hassle of trying to find a human willing to overlook the more demonic parts of appearance. It was reliable. Comforting even. Dependable, emotionless relief.

Perfect, Crowley thought.

Right up until the point when, well, it wasn’t.

Be warned - that last one is super angsty!

- Mod D

[lavender-z-love]

Blessed-Cursed

Jake Sim X Black.FemReader

🩸 Genre: Angst, Romance, Reunion, Vampire X Human, Vampire x Vampire.

🩸 Warnings: Angst, Death (Reader dieing), Vampire, Mentions on blood, Undead, Vampire bites, Drinking blood. Probably some spelling errors because a mf can't spell to save her life..smdh.

🩸A/n: So! This will be in 3 parts! My mini Blessed-Cursed series. Sorry for writing about Vampires so much. They are such fascinating creatures to explore in writing with! Plus my Enha boys look good in their 'Vamp-ish' pics. Please enjoy! Quick PSA, the dividers are not mine!

🩸Quick Notice: If you see the name 'Yuta' instead of 'Jake' Let me know. I was making this originally for NCT's Yuta but Enha felt better for this! Yuta will have a story too

🩸Wordcount: 1,400k

The moon is really bright today..It burns a deep red; and so are the stars in contrast to the sky. The love of my life lies inanimate before me. Im the one who had helped the process come quicker. My selfishness of not wanting to let her go so soon, the selfishness of possibly cursing her with immortality.

The look in of terror in her eyes as she witnessed her life be torn from her body. Mortified of the danger that was the cause of another being; none other than a Human. Her cries hurt my heart, it seemed like it was my fault? I was too late to realize the dangerous, pathetic earthling who had taken her from me was.

I sit by the window, replaying the scene in his head. I suffer a great discomfort to see her like that. I knew it would come, with us being two different species. Y/n, who's human, could leave easily, diseases, accidents, aging...

I should've expected to out live her. Needless to say, I am an immortal being. Though, to outlive her to murder? How unfair, is this what a mutilation feels like? It's painful..really bad. Should I have just let her go?

That evening, you were taking a stroll with your fiancé. Much to the both of your surprises, it rained despite weather apps claiming otherwise. "Jake, it's fine, my place is just nearby. We can stay there for a bit." Jake, leaning close to your ear so you could hear him better.

"Are you sure, I don't want to be a problem my Dove."

"No! None at all! You can stay until the rain stops."

The rain starts to pick up. Jake grabs your hands, pulling you towards a nearby convince store. Y/n L/n, just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was an accident, right? No, but it sure did feel like it was on purpose. No way some individual would just randomly take another's life? They would...They do it all the time, I can't deny whats in front of me

A murderous fiend who'd acted on their killer desires. Thats what happened- he should've gone in with you, instead he waited outside for you. He didn't think it would be safe for you to wait outside alone, especially while it was night time too. Not knowing what dangers lurked inside of that ungodly place.

Alerted by your cries Jake broke the glass door making his way inside, witnessing you starting to bleed out. His blood was boiling, he began panicking, even hyperventilating. This couldn't possibly be happening, who had done this?!

The thought of losing the love of his life. No, not again! 'I'm not losing someone I care about again!' Jake would be looked into if he hadn't warped the camera footage. You on the other hand, he was sure there would be some search party out for you. After all, your blood was spilled on the floor. You were seen by bystanders. You were recorded by store cameras; which once again, the footage was now distorted. Best thing for me to do was erase everyone's memories, but in the midst of losing you that was the last thing on his mind.

After Jake he scurried away. Holding you tight in his arms, scared your soul would slip away any moment. His Beloved..She was dieing. "Y/n, Y/n Stay awake for me. Okay?",He called out to you, with his voice wavering.

"I-It hurts! It hurts rea-really bad!" She managed to cried as she clung to my shirt. I, myself wanted to cry, oh so bad. However, it seemed like the adrenaline rush, subsiding the emotions. Y/n's voice..It was failing her. Her life was slipping from your body as your blood did the same.

You wanted to call out to him, nothing ever exited your lips besides a sharp, staggering breath. Your eyelashes fluttering, failing to stay awake. Next thing he knew, you were laying on his bed, deceased.

Its been about two days and you haven't awakened yet. He was starting to feel anxious, maybe he was too late to turn you? Maybe he didn't make you drink enough of his blood? What could've went wrong!? He heard something, a little rustling noise. Attention turned from the night sky as he sat on the window seat. Her fingers twitching with slight movements. He slowly got up from the window seat, steadily making his way towards her. 'Am I just seeing things?!' He thought to himself.

'No- I couldn't have.' I kneel beside Y/n's form, placing my fingers along her neck in attempt to feel for a heartbeat. Surely enough there was one, it was faint, almost undetectable. Her body was not the typical Dead that Vampires are. It was evident that you'd bleed out, but seeing your pulse and breathing it was amost like you never died. It was almost like you'd evolved.

Y/n's blood, skin now suddenly burning with warmth- pulling up the long sleeves of her shirt to reveal the vibrant blue color of her veins. Almost as if on cue..her eyes jet open, glowing a deep blue color. Jake now stood before you in disbelief. "Y-Y/n, your-"

"Hungry..So Hungry." Y/n's voice strains. You attempted to get up and move around, only to no avail.

"Stay down, You have to get used to it."

Your blue orbs shift to him, studying him, your cold vampiric eyes watching his every move. He knew you weren't in a right state of mind at the moment.

She's been "dead" for 4 days. His hands slowly caress you cheek gently, elated that his princess was back. With her breathing rugged, she struggled to learn how to breathe again. "Y/n? My love..",he whispered, running his hands through your curly hair. You couldn't focus on his voice, all that you could see were areas to that you oh so badly wanted to drain. His neck..the pit of his elbows, his forearm...wrists.

"Jake..", her weakened voice calls out and l like a slave, I listened gladly. She struggled to sit up right, fumbling backwards. Eventually she clung to my sleeve..

"I need to...I just need to.."

I helped her up, holding her carefully,"Sure Love, go ahead.." it's not like she needed his permission, She was going to drink his rouge liquid whether he denyed her or not. That is one of the many curses of the vampirism transformation process.

Her fangs slowly protruding past her soft lips..penetrating my skin. For the first time, of the very few times of someone bitting me..God it was incredibly painful.

I bite my lip in attempt to hold in his grunts. My fiancée's slender tanned fingers grabbing, now tangled in my hair and pulling it. This giving her more access to my neck. Finding a new spot to pierce. I grunt, sucking my teeth. She growls, bruising, harshly biting my skin.

Fuck..It hurts, but for her...I'd gladly experience all the pain on earth to keep her in my arms. Her hunger getting the best of her, Y/n wobbles to her feet, grabs my collar, slamming me to the wall. "A-Ah..Y/n!!"

Is this what other creatures feel like when vampires drink from them? Jake sighs, breath staggered trying to contain and help the pain subside. After a minute or two of ravaging his skin with multiple piercings, you finally having enough of a drink. The two of you fell to the floor, with you still in Jake's arms

The glow of your eyes dull down into your usual color as your senses now come to. You pull away, you release your fiancée's hair as you eyes rest on him..vision still not 100%.

Figures, your technically undead, and being "dead" you aren't breathing. So oxygen isn't getting where its supposed to, that includes your eyes. You'd only just started breathing again, so it would take some time before your vision would be 20/20 again.

Your cool fingers reach out before you, touching his face. Your fingers tracing over his eyelids, lips, cheek bones, cheeks, nose. You squint your eyes, foggy vision subsiding a little, but still not clear. "Jake?", you say.

There was some sniffling noises before a quiet laugh. Jake staring at you with tears in his eyes, "Yes my dove?"

"You're so...blurry", you say as your eyes close.

"I know, Im sorry my dove. It'll go away soon." Jake held you close, squeezing you in his strong arms. Your finger finds a tear on his face slowly wiping it away. "You're..crying? Why?", your voice ached. The touch of his skin was cool in contrast to yours. "I'm just happy, So happy", he answered looking into your now normally beautiful brown colored eyes.

You chuckled, and smiled before falling asleep in his arms. Jake kissed your temple, caressing your cheek. Quietly whispering—

"Welcome back My Dove."

Written January 30th

[n7punk]

⚡️ tis me, lightning bolt fiend, here to second that my love for she ra and catradora has only increased since I discovered your fics (may 2021). realistically yeah maybe we’re a dwindling fandom but idk a single hoe here who doesn’t recognize you as the authority on all things she ra fic. Not going anywhere 😎

hey its Still The Episode, so this might be a bit rambley and incomprehensible, but its what i've got so lets go. also i know im piggybacking off this. im aware this is about to become a tangent.

first off: thank you <3 also for your other sweet message awhile ago i didnt respond to because i was nonverbal second: fandom doesn't and shouldn't have authorities, thats a daaaaangerous rabbithole. wouldn't want it to be me and we're all just here to have fun. i happen to be a pretty prolific author who's dug into metacanon some, but thats it. not trying to come down on you, ⚡️, just don't want to leave no disclaimer here and make it seem like i'm agreeing i do/should have authority on anything, unless by authority you just mean prolific producer, which like, im sure is what you're going for even if that's not what the phrasing implies, hence the disclaimer

thiiiiird, because this was spawned from a comment i made because of the ao3 thing, ive done more research into that when my brain was a little more solid earlier in the day, before it became the soup it is now. particularly this article, this reblog, this reblog, this reblog, and then this random shitty "article" that confirmed the 2019 cutoff date from the prev reblog (which was uncited), led me to conclude that it's probably fine to unlock my fics. my understanding is sudowrites is built off of GPT-3, which was trained off public access works and a web crawl which cut off in 2019. GPT-3 was a product of OpenAI. also there's some kind of "dont scrape this" flag the web crawl is Supposed to respect, and a discord comment says they already use that on the archive, but take that with a grain of salt ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

the reddit investigation reaaaaaally makes it seem like it was trained off fanfic as one of its datasets, i dont know how the hell you get those results if not, but its probably from stuff caught up in that webcrawl, which wasn't necessarily even from AO3, and it well and truly seems too late on that. i locked temporarily in case they were still actively scouring and not yet done getting everything off the archive, meaning some of my work conceivably hadn't been caught yet and could be "saved", but it looks like they stopped scouring before i started posting for she-ra LOL

also some people seem to be encountering a bug where fics that hadn't updated in years were pushed to the tops of their bookmarks as recently updated and they think that's related to this?? as far i know only a new chapter would change the publication date. i go back and edit my typos all the time: they remaind locked by the date the most recent chapter was initially posted. idk where people got that from.

[jaydee1818]

Hello Jd, I would like to know all these as well!!

✨🛠💌🤗🥰💥🛒

thank you!

Haha bet

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment.

I actually quite like my style! It usually does get a heavy edit, I tend to indulge the first time around, but the foundation I feel is very strong. Someone who read some of my original work actually called it kind of modern neo-noir, which put me over the moon, haha. It’s very that- over dub of dramatic internal monologue, one line of dialogue follows.

🛠 What tools/programs do you use to write?

Microsoft Word, BABEY! Ride or die. The only other thing I regularly use is the OneLook Thesaurus, which is god’s gift to man imo. I’m so fucking wordy that halfway through writing a chapter I’ve used up all my adjectives lol. I also have a ‘zero’ chapter to keep track of things like names, locations, or research I’ve done.

💌 How do you feel about comments and feedback?

I’ve always enjoyed comments! Before now I hadn’t really answered, I think I was too embarrassed haha. My current fic is also the longest thing I’ve written, so comments come in regularly. I think that’s why I started answering. Plus, I actually thing ND is pretty okay, despite my personal annoyances with it, so I’m less worried about being an actual presence.

🤗 What advice would you give new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.

I AM NOT JOKING.

At least not in the beginning. Your first fic is going to be the hardest, probably, and there will be quite a lot of fretting, I imagine. I know that was true for me. But try to remember that it’s just fanfiction, you know? It’s something done in spare time for fun. If you aren’t having fun, don’t do it. And don’t worry so much. If you end up taking it seriously, and plenty of folks do, try to remember that you should still enjoy what you’re doing.

🥰 How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?

Oh I’m always down for questions! I didn’t interact much before this, but it’s super nice and cool that people are invested enough to have questions in the first place lol. I also think the fact that the stuff I write tends to be really heavy motivated me to be more of a person, too. Like waving a banner around promising I’m a normal person lol

💥 How do you feel about criticism?

Im not overly fond of the term ‘criticism.’ I don’t think it has positive connotations. What I’m more than happy to receive is feedback, as long as it’s given with good intent. I do not abide assholes at all, but if someone has genuine thoughts on any shortcomings they see, I’d happily talk about it with them. My girlfriend reads all my original stuff and gives me feedback all the time. There’s a big difference between “I don’t like this for XYZ reason,” and “XYZ left me confused.” Criticism should be something an author can work on, or address, or even ignore in favor of their own preference. I have a ready example from Non Disclosure, actually. I’ve gotten a couple of comments saying that I had run-on sentences- something super easy to address. But I feel that the length of my sentences adds something as a stylistic decision, so I didn’t make the adjustment.

🛒 What are some common themes you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

Angst. I mean…come on lol. My bread and butter. My favorite treat. Tasty tasty emotional upheaval. I’m a conflict fiend. Misunderstanding, misreading, misinterpretation, spoiled relationships, blame, regrets, lies, secrets, aggression, anger. All so yummy. Obviously internal monologue is big to me too. I also pretty exclusively do perspective writing, which shouldn’t be too surprising to anyone lol.

And a little thing I do is use the word ‘aspartame’ to describe something. Every narrative piece of writing I’ve ever done has it, I think. I love it. There’s no better way to say something feels or is slightly off. “His smile was broad and full, but reminded her of aspartame. Sweet, but not sweet enough.” “The lies lilted off her tongue as sweet and fake as aspartame.” “His presence lingered like the disappointment of aspartame.” “She hated him. In a world full of sugar, he was the aspartame. The Pepsi to the Coke. The fat-free to the cream. The movie to the novel.”

Actually that last example is fucking good I’m going to save that lol. The first one is actually a good, too. Maybe for a horror snippet. I can taste aspartame, so that probably helps lol.

Fanfic author ask game. Still plenty left 👀👀

[discountskeppy]

communalist and moralism for the ask game ^-^

YESSS ty anon i love these guys so dearly

[communalism]

Sexuality + Gender Headcanon: breaking the mold to combine these two because i think they have canonical gender+sexuality stuff. and they said theyre like pansexual pangender whatever. i forget what they are but i like agree with them

A ship I have with said character: im like. a real commoralism ride or die ok. its like such the obvious thing and was hardly even a thing in canon but. in my made up verision of realicide in my head where its actually good they are very. dlsjfkhdfkjsdhfsd

A BROTP I have with said character: like i said in my darw thing, all the off the compasses NEED to be besties NOW!!!!! also this isnt rlly a brotp im just spilling thoughts but i think in like an au where centricide and realicide are the same universe. theyd try to be besties with the leftists (but would prolly get sad cuz the leftists are MEAN!!!)

A NOTP I have with said character: again, like i said in my darw thing. them and darw is just BLEGH. also ive seen communalism and ingsoc as a ship around a bit and i dont really care for that either lol. maybe im just too much of a commoralism diehard

A random headcanon: i think they like. collect a lot of things. like i can imagine their room with like a buncha dumb lil stuffed animals and like. anime figures. i think theyd like madoka magica

General Opinion over said character: VERY COOL also had a lot of potential (however i think the original route they were gonna go with cultcom, where like their soul is all rescued cuz moralism gets resurrected is. kind of bad i dont like it but thats a different plate of cookies for another glass of milk)

[moralism]

Sexuality Headcanon: like, vaguely mlm. bi? gay? idk. he likes men tho. like he uses the achillean flag in all his picrew pfps

Gender Headcanon: transmasc! maybe a hint of nonbinaryism? like idk he has a he/they pronouns in bio kind of vibe

A ship I have with said character: to reiterate, COMMORALISM FTWWWWWWW im like cray ok. its like commoralism or nothing 4 me

A BROTP I have with said character: him + the realists are rlly cool. im not too invested in the other realists so like give me a month or so to become crazy abt them and ill prolly expand on my thoughts more

A NOTP I have with said character: i dont he has any ships besides commoralism? so. i wouldnt say i have a notp for them rlly

A random headcanon: i think he would be like. a local public library fiend ok. he walks there like every day and has like. a gay little coffee and tote bag. just vision it.

General Opinion over said character: I LIKE HIM A LOTTT ik i wasnt writing like paragraphs for him like ive done for other characters but i really do like him. hes rlly cool, and like i said i dont rlly like his whole ressurrected plot he was gonna have i still think it wouldve been interesting to see

[shaycowboy]

BRICKLOOT DECEMBER 2023

heres something abit new for me, im gonna do a review!

brickloot is a monthly lego subscription box

ive been getting it for over a year now, so naturally i have a methodology to the madness

when you get a brickloot you get 4-8 things centered on a theme, this theme is all about oceanic life baby

a reef ranger, a fish, a scuba crab, misc underwater pieces, a baseplate, and a diver this go around (every box always has one minifigure at the verrrry least!)

pretty standard baseplate, well take a look at the diver in abit!

lets look at this brick pack...

hm!

small oversight in making some randomized pieces!

lego sharks come in two pieces! i only got the body!

we got a headless shark! poor guy

besides that unfortunate fellow we got...

scuba gear, many amphibian friends...a couple reptilian! an anchor, some shells, coral, most things needed for an ocean!

at least our diver has some more gear

aswell as a second face!

moving onto the fish

pretty standard gentleman, has some nice translucent pieces to give him abit of a razzle dazzle!

in my opinion i think he could have a stand of some kind, but i can make one out of my own lego collection

however! somebody here does have a stand!

the scuba crab! quite a silly little guy

every box has some sort of middle ground set, not big, but not some small little extra

sometimes it's an accessory to the big set!

in this case its more of a standalone friend...heh...stand. alone. cause the crab has a stand...hehehehe...

comes with a couple stickers, which i wont be using

i rarely use stickers for lego builds, luckily however...

hes perfectly fine without them! the eyes are done by using a rotating peg piece, so after moving this fella sometimes they look abit crosseyed (quite cute in my opinion)

onto the big attraction

the reef ranger!

every box always has some big set, sometimes it's a vehicle, sometimes it's a building, sometimes it's a whole scene!

it has quite afew stickers...

which means some detail will be missing from my personal build of it

i do like it!

theres just an unfortunate error.

the bottom portion is abit warped, so it cant stay on (this is an issue with one piece being manufactured wrong, not how its built)

not everything can be perfect, but its okay

lets take a look at the side portion of this set

now THIS is cute!

treasure in the bones of a wrecked ship

i have a personal obsession with lego jewel pieces, so seeing three included sure does make me smile

all for this little fiend to hoard...

all together the builds do go together, if you had any other oceanic lego sets you could probably make quite the display

i am a big fan of the collective variety in fish colors between the underwater pieces pack and the reef ranger set

(coming from someone with...so many orange lego fish in her collection...)

overall...i give it a 7.5/10 for this months theme.

the builds are nice, i enjoy the amount provided, but i am a touch scorn by the sharks missing head and the warped piece on the reef rangers bottom

this is the first time ive ever made some sort of structured review

i get legos alot (even outside of these monthly brickloot boxes)

so maybe i should review things more often!

im not affiliated in any sort of way, im just a massive nerd over legos

bonus kitty because she was disturbed that i was too busy to let her in my lap

[just-another-reader-1]

I don’t know how to describe what I’m feeling. I’m going to college and it’s my last year here and I don’t feel anything about it. It didn’t really make any friends while here and I don’t have many friends to begin with. I want to make friends but I don’t know how. Ever since my freshman year I would go to class and everyone around me would seem like they already had fiends and I just didn’t. I use to think that I was fine with being alone, but I’m not. I’m feeling extra lonely bc it fall break and I feel like everyone is doing something and I have nothing to do. I feel like everyone got instructions on how to be a person with hobbies and goals and relationships but I just never got it. I’m not even a good student or anything, I mean I was back in high school but college was much harder and now I feel like I have no options for my future. I say I want to do grad school but really I don’t but I also know that I can’t live financial on an income with basic degree. Like I don’t know what I want or even how to start making plans. Even when I was studying engineering I still had no idea. I just don’t know.

I have always so afraid of living my life and I had to be perfect and that sort of became too much but now I feel like I’m left with nothing. I feel like o have wasted all my time and resources and time is running out. I also have this long term project I need to work on but I just keep pushing the work to later. I feel like I have tricked everyone about how smart and good I am and I don’t really know anything.

The world seems like it’s falling apart and I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing or how to find the joy in life anymore bc I’m so worried about the future. I wish I could speak to someone in person, like I have friends and family but they are all scattered around the country and I just don’t want to worry them. I want to cry but I just can’t seem to get my self to cry. I feel like I have made no impact and that I never will. At this point I’m fine with that but I just want to be able to life a comfortable life, just a roof over my head with food that’s all, I don’t want much mostly bc I don’t think I’ll be able to get much. I wish I had a friend. This is the first thing that I’ve posted on any social media that isn’t a picture on Facebook or instagram and I haven’t even done that in years.

I don’t get the world and I wish I could start over, so me being clueless about everything was okay. Like I’ve spend most of my college experience but shut in my dorm. 4 years ago I thought that someone would take notice of me a become my friend but I never reached out bc it felt so awkward but now it just screwed me over bc if I just got over it I might have friends now. Instead I’m alone in my dorm and I wish I had my friends with me. I wish I knew how to keep relationship alive bc I feel like I talk to someone but then I text them or what ever but I don’t ever get an answer back or im the first one to reach out and it’s just made me feel pathetic.

I wish I didn’t feel this way, I wish I felt like people did like me. Well this has been a word dump.

[skiniibuniii]

realized today that i am a fucking fiend crackhead when it comes to nicotine. smoking is like "cool culture" in eds a lot of the time but it is not cool. i started smoking, not due to any ed shit, when i was 12. id pick up cigs off the ground when id take walks and steal my mom's cool weed lighters and smoke while i was walking around. then i started smoking way far back in the backyard cuz "oh i just want to" then i started smoking in my bedroom every night cuz "im such a rebel" n that kept on til i met my bf who vaped and it got so much worse. nic makes you a fiend. its just as addictive as speed and opiates even doing them in high doses and often back in the day to be honest i never managed to get addicted to those but got heavy addicted to nic almost immediately. not saying to do other drugs either obvy just like,,

never start smoking or vaping. even if you think it'll help you lose weight.

im 17, ive been addicted for about 5 years. i drove around for 2 hours today pawning and selling scrap metal just to get $11 and now i owe the vape shop money! and tbh it doesnt even bother me anymore cuz at least i got my fix, right? this sucks. ive done some real shit when i was younger, and the only thing i really regret is starting to smoke.

[dear-happypills]

me: what,should i

google the street, market price???

happypills: no, no. like how much am i worth???

me: well, jeez.. i dont know if you put it that way.. but, i mean, its not like happypills isnt exactly uncommon. theyre everywhere. and i dont only mean in a medicative way, but like, everyone has some “happypills”. you know? shopping, social media, gym fiends that only get off on themselves, etc... 

happypills: ..... so im not so unique is what youre saying.

me: lollll is that what this is about?? i guess... your ubiquity is your worth.

happypills: pwuh. ubiquity??? what are you like bitching me?? -_- and there are like, 6 billion of you, you bitch. i guess your ubiquity is your worth.

me: LOLOL. okay okay. jeez, i didnt know your value was so important to you. hahaha. well sorry to break it to you, but everyone is worthless.

happypills: you see. that. right there. thats your problem.

me: uhh what?

happypills: defacing humanity.

me: whahh??? defacing humanity??? wowww. never heard that one.

happypills: you doooo.

me: well,... im not the one beeeaching about my worth and shit.

happypills: well isnt your salary your worth? like isnt that how it works with people?

me: -_-; watcha trying to say -- jerk? and what then, how does it work with you pills?

happypills: well i thought i was worth the fucking experience, but now im meeting different subset of species that tell me otherwise.

me: species?

happypills: you know, like people, cats, vegans, and whatever have you.

me: oh wow. must be confusing.

happypills: ikr??? so i come here, to you, for this guidance... and you come and tell me im worthless?

me: PWAHAHHA. well, when you say it like that.... jeez. i just mean............

happypills: YEahh. mean what?? huh?

me: ... i just mean.... at the end of the day. like the last day in this world... when the lights dim, and the noise settles.  and when the blood that flows through you, whispers to you... “its done”

everything that happened, every moment of every second will just look like lights that have past by, as if as though we are slipping through the event horizon of a black hole...

i just think to myself. when im there...

what worth was there?... 

when i am now over here, on the other side...?

you know? if that experience i had, once i have crossed over, i cant ever go back to -- retrieve and live -- then,... like what is that worth?

happypills: maybe.... its about the things you leave behind?

me: ha... leave behind...

ill be leaving behind my sins...

happypills: no, no. i mean about the people youve touched and affected.

me: but thats not my worth... you know what i mean??? im talking about my worth as in how i feel, the things i think -- what my mind craves and senses hunger for -- my soul... the things ill carry with me when i cross over to the other side...

when i pass, and all is gone,

and in the void, there is only me, myself, and i....

im...   ... worth nothing... you know??

...............

...

you see --  the issue isnt that i am sick.

its that i dont matter.

i guess when i put things in terms of, “oh, people are like that. theyre messed up. they only care about themselves. they think little about how small things, even words, can really hurt and fuck up others. how were corrupt, and greedy.” and yadiyadiyah....

im just projecting myself onto humanity... generalizing my sinful nature onto everyone else, as if it will reduce my worthelessness.

......... i....

....................

T-T...  fuck.

happypills:....... .................... ................. * pats my shoulder  oh bro,......         DONTeventrip dawwggg.  we gooAWWT this in the BAGGG.

. Jesus de CHRIST says you matter. :]

me: ............................................................ ................................................... .... WTF DO YOU KNOW, youre happypills.

*wipes tears.

happypills: *glares disapprovingly, but still continues to pat me

me: but yea,..  ahemm hmm,. seriously...  to this world, only money matters.

 according to the internet your worth is $96.75

happypills: -_-;; .......................wtf.

.....is that good???

- happypills

[innosen]

i think the bravest and most purehearted thing of chihiro is that she sees the good in everyone 🥺 even with the villainest of villains, she’s still concerned why and how they’d end up like that ☹️