#but nothing too over-the-top. this time.
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so there's a reason my new job got back to me so quickly about my application and that's bc it's an absolute fucking shambles like actually perfect timing for me to decide to rewatch the bear bc i have never more felt like ive been thrown into a broke on-its-knees establishment trying to crawl its way up the ladder where i am somehow a godsend to them. my old job was crazy and shambolic in the sense that the industry is just Like That but this one?????? insanity. every 5 mins i am questioning what im doing with my life. ive already had a walk-in fridge moment
#so i explained before that there's 3 venues and on my very first shift they had me doing the restaurant venue for 2 hours#which was FINE like i was a bit cautious bc my manager is VERY stressed all the time and the place generally feels like it's falling apart#not the building itself just. the way it's run like it's just got new owners and the previous manager apparently#EMPTIED THE TILLS AND TRASHED THE PLACE like cost them THOUSANDS of pounds and on top of that#there was beef with the head chef and the new owners that meant he left and took the ENTIRE BACK OF HOUSE WITH HIM#THERE ARE NO KITCHEN STAFF ATM. I HAVE TO LIE AND TELL CUSTOMERS WE DONT HAVE FOOD ATM BC OF 'REFURBISHMENT'#WHEN IN ACTUALITY THE /RESTAURANT/ DOESNT HAVE CHEFS. DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT IS#and then the front of house staff are very lacking aside maybe 2 people we're ALL NEW and all of them EXCEPT ME#LIKE LITERALLY JUST ME IM THE ONLY EXCEPTION. ALL OF THEM ARE UNTRAINED#so when i applied with bar training coffee training and very solid waitressing skills they genuinely treated me like a saviour#like i am FENDING off shifts tbh im in a v good position bc they need me too much to get shitty w me if i refuse hours but i can literally#have as many as i want bc they will just give me them. like they're obsessed w me im rota'd for over 60 hours this week#but anyway that very first shift after 2 hours in the restaurant i then walked to the mini golf venue on the OTHER SIDE OF TOWN#and my manager stayed for 30 MINUTES. IF THAT. and showed me around the place + how to close THEN LEFT ME THERE#FIRST DAY HE GAVE ME THE KEYS AND LEFT ME TO RUN AN ENTIRE VENUE. IT'S NOT SMALL EITHER IT'S A WHOLE BAR#AND I HAD TO CLOSE ON MY OWN TOO and ironically the shift itself went rlly well like it was so chill#it was kinda boring but honestly i kinda rated it it's v easy money and the close went perfectly nothing cropped up that i was unsure about#and then. AND THEN. i havent even ranted to my mutuals about this yet bc i was acc so horrified by it but i locked the front doors#and went to lock the gate AND THE KEY GOT STUCK IN THE LOCK. WOULD NOT COME OUT. HELLA VS KEYS ROUND 3927593#my mum even showed up and tried to help me wrestle this thing out i called my manager and he literally told me to just snap it#bc he'd rather a snapped key that NO ONE could get out than just leave it there overnight but bc of my recent house key moment#i was like AM I FUCK SNAPPING THIS KEY. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING. so i had to just leave it and at the time#i was realllyyyyyyyyyy beating myself up but my manager is actually rlly nice he's just stretched v thin#and ive also had time to be like uhh actually they shouldnt have left a random 21 y/o girl alone with the keys on her first day#omg i havent even talked about what happened on saturday. ACTUAL SHAMBLES#LIKE THIS /\/\ ISNT EVEN CLOSE TO EVERYTHING! IM RUNNING OUT OF TAG ROOM! IM GONNA REBLOG THIS TONIGHT W MORE PROBABLY!#BC GUESS WHO IS WORKING A CLOSE LATER AT THE NIGHTCLUB THEN OPENING THE RESTAURANT AT 8AM. GUESS#hella slaves to capitalism
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#another bonus under the cut where i got up under their big head to get 'em a little closer and a little more front-facing#aggron#aggron is just cool. a big metal bitch who *could* hug you but is probably actually just gonna obliterate you. is that anything#i think i prefer lairon more. it's kinda just a little metal creature and i think that's awesome but aggron stands up#and normally i'm a big big fan of when pokémon stand up. when everyone wanted sprigatito to not stand up i was like#please stand up. because i am a furry and i knew it was gonna become favorite pokémon material if it did. and it did and meowscarada is#wonderful and i love it and it's one of my top like 10 of all time. but aggron is like. i dunno. a little too gruff for me#i think aron and lairon are cute and i'm generally a fan of and user of cute pokémon but aggron is very. how you say. aggressive#and also… ron… aggressive ron. new show on netflix i just reinvented aggretsuko but for pokémon#also weirdly every furry on the face of the earth likes aggretsuko but for one i've never had a netflix account and for two i just#don't ever watch shows. it's just not something that works in my brain. having to get them‚ and then just taking the time to sit down and do#it just never does anything for me. the last show i watched was because i was over at a friend's house and he was like hey. we're watching#this show now. i want you to see this show. and it's a show that folks generally lamented for a lot of reasons so i was like iii dunno about#that one! but he was like no trust me it's fine. and then i was like. kinda uninterested at first but it turned out to be really good#and i'm still ashamed. that i liked it as much as i did. so i will not say what it is. it's not supernatural. it's a short-ish show#but like it was good and i didn't expect it to be. which has nothing to do with aggretsuko OR with aggron for that matter#literally idk. look it's distraction (AGGRON DISTRACTION)
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if anybody on this goddamn show deserves to have a completely stress free wedding, where not one! single thing!! goes wrong!!!! it's tim and lucy.
#*carly catalogs#i'm gonna say it with my full chest 'NO SHENANIGANS'#ABSOLUTELY NONE OKAYYYYY???????????#i don't need to watch anymore of lucy spiraling (we're only 3eps into s6 and i have had enough)#if she didn't get first on the detectives exam then she at least deserved to land in the top 5#they treated her so unfairly and were so short with her i wanted to leap through my tv screen#if i have to witness her spiraling like that OVER OR ON HER WEDDING DAY???????????#i'll start a riot I AM LUCY CHEN'S N. 1 DEFENDER (behind tim of course)#she deserves nothing but the most lovely peaceful wedding day filled with joy#the rookie#tim bradford#lucy chen#chenford#otp: you know me so well#this also goes for when she gets pregnant too#s3 was the most stressful season of the show just for the sheer amount of times angela had a gun pointed at her and was shot at#and even harper had to deal with a home invasion from a violent criminal while she was in labor#the only hiccup lucy should have is being forced to have her baby on the breakroom couch at the precinct to parallel ep 1x19
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absolutely loveeeee when i can’t sleep because i’m plagued with the feeling that i’m the worst person to walk this earth 🤭
#feeling like the biggest piece of shit in the world <3 anyways#this is stupid but. i just need to get this shit out#getting bad grades on finals right after my friends do nothing to celebrate my birthday is so fun#that sounds so superficial but !!!! i’ve done something for. every. one. of. their. birthdays. over the last year#it just makes me sad because it confirms i AM and always will be the second choice friend#i feel like my fianc hates me all the time right now too but. that comes with the self deprecation me think#and to top it off my doctor says i’m f*t so 🥳 i hateeeeee myself#i just need to cry. sowwy#sitting in bed crying silently because i can’t do anything right <3
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Now who is responsible for this 😭 please
#I mean not the first time I’ve spotted typos#but you forgot a whole word bro bro#and wsd 😒 cmon#anyway I’m not here to complain (it will be happening again)#tears of themis#artem wing#to whoever actually reads my tags (first of all ily) I’ll tell you a secret#artem was my favorite since BEFORE I started playing this game#his confused eyes really got me#but I actually started to like him less after reading his cards#now HOLD YOUR FIRE#it was not his personality#it was just the way… nothing exciting ever happened#and I know his whole thing is being super romantic I GET THAT and I loved that#but I fear it became too corny for me I’m sorry#like I remember his 2nd birthday event I think there was a PUDDLE OF WATER which he threw his jacket over#and then he and Rosa blushed 💀💀#guys please step around. I appreciate the sentiment but it is truly never that serious#okay I’m done#hope someone out there actually read allat#whoever you are… thank you…#whoever writes artem’s cards give him to me. I’ll have this bih everyone’s favorite in 40 minutes tops
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259 - average day
#daily scott smajor#step one. start spiralling. grab the loaf of bread from the pantry#it being stale is alright. cut the moldy parts off#it will work for now.#step two. isolate from the world. grab the cheese from the fridge- the type you use is optional. the cheese expired last week but thats fin#im too tired to go to the store.#step three become a shell of yourself. grab the pan from under the oven#or wherever you keep yours. you did not clean it well enough last#time you made food it seems#as you can see burnt parts line the edges. this will do.#step four. make sure you no longer feel connected to the situation at hand. grab the butter or mayonaise (i learned to use mayo#my preference) and put it on the outside of the bread. one side of each slice#as you have been reminded your whole life.#step five. wait.#step six. remind yourself you're acting rash. this fixes nothing- but is a good thing to remind yourself of. put the first piece of bread o#the pan mayo side down. place the cheese on top of that. add the other slice mayo side up.#step seven. you will wait some more.#step eight. drown out everything you know. flip the bread over. you will notice its slightly burnt but that is okay. you are too hungry to#care.#step nine. finish what you have started and go to bed unsatisfied.#<- hope this helps!
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NOT okay right now im thinking abt pokemon leaving scars on their trainers + everyday, domestic problems.....
#this is abt my top gun au btw <3333 which will forever haunt me even though im less likely to write it everyday </3333#like.....getting thin scars from rowlet as a kid which have now all basically faded to time#(though the ones gained as a teen from dartrix can still be seen)#while in the other hand always having angry red scratches along both arms because hes always holding up rufflet who fights like no tomorrow#(believe me; its better to hold him up and take the damage than put him down and let rufflet pick a fight with someone)#OR like....getting electrical burns because elekid doesnt know how to control its discharge yet. and the scars that stay bc of that#(which tbh is an ash + pikachu thing i would love to see)#or how one accidental poison jab from toxicroak will leave you utterly sick for days#(like serious he should probably go to a hospital or smth) and toxi just has the biggest saddest puppy dog eyes in existence it feels so ba#(its fine this has happened before he'll be fine. probably)#bruisings on your shins bc pawmot punches your legs to grab your attention or to get smth it wants....#rooms always being like ten to twenty degrees colder (or even more) when he has his ice pokemon out for whatever reason...#the reverse of that with fire types..... ough...#having to BEG flygon not to fly rn bc it starts a sandstorm every fucking time and it does it anyway#(PLEASE i took you out of your ball to eat dinner why cant yiu behave this one time)#and then dragonair fixing it to be clear skies again.....the never ending cycle....#any trainer who have pokemon that start sandstorm needing a pair of safety goggles for when they battle#(maybe even bringing a spare just in case or--if theyre kind enough--for their opponent to wear so they can see too)#dont even get me started on mythical pokemon interacting with the tg characters.....#anyway tried to stay as vague as possible for the characters lolol#bergmite is just a lil guy who wants to be carried around like all the other small 'mons....i am so sorry sweetie you are over 200 pounds#you cannot be perched on your trainers shoulder like someone else's rufflet can#having ice burns bc froslass tried to freeze him.....#anyway. can you tell i love pokemon#sorry to anyone who sees this in the pokemon tag </333#delete later#i feel like im begging on my knees for someone to ask abt my au....but also if they did id die of embarrassment from answering it...#the pros and cons of having a dumb little au </3#sigh maybe one day i'll write a fic... (<-keeps saying it but has written nothing for it (yet))
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How lonely does it feel on Tumblr with no fellow Mera fans
There are Mera fans around. I remember there being at least 4 accounts who've reblogged some of my stuff about him while expressing their happiness/similar thoughts of skrunkliness in the tags. Also now and again I get people going through my blog liking my Mera posts (though idk whether they are specifically fans or just curious. still cool either way)
So I mean. I think there are other Mera fans here. Probably only a handful of them. The fandom tags aren't thriving but dw they are around lol
Even if its quiet sometimes, I'm not really upset about it. Any engagement is great but also being able to ramble without worrying about trying to catch anyone's attention is also good, yknow?
And I've gotten supportive/encouraging asks from followers and mutuals about my obsession with Mera and I always like those <3
I'd say its probably a small following of people overall and I'm content with that
#do i maaaybe wish there were more mera fanarts around? sure#but on top of whats already here i also found an artist on twitter who draws mera with keigo and i like that too#yeah there were times i felt a little frustrated about it all in the past but that was only due to the chairman theories#what mera could do if hori showed him again. the potential and talking about it etc#but thats done now. bnha is over and there's nothing left to wait for#so now all that's left are au's or concepts and headcanons#and there's no stress on that#and there aren't exactly any people who are arguing with those au's/concepts etc lol (thats a good thing)#i can probably think of at least one person who argued about them and even that wasn't discourse-y#it was more just a difference of opinion yknow?#we're good over here on mettywiththenotes#thank you for the ask!😊#bnha asks#asks with metty#anon asks
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sometimes life w a v high pain tolerance means im still in pain but quiet abt it to not bother other ppl and sometimes it means im in such horrific pain for literally no reason (there is a reason oft just related to afab insides so ppl dont care) but i have to go to work anyways bc calling out is bad and somehow its ‘so brave’ to work while wanting to die as your insides torture you it feels like youre burning alive and your organs are breaking but hey we gotta go earn that dough right
#raiiot#it hurts so bad rn i wanna just cry and break down but i have work tonight#it hurts to breathe too which doesnt help me#i honestly dont even know if my pain tolerance is high or if i just got told my pain didnt matter#so much growing up and by docitrs and everyone that Im just not reacting to it#bc the reality is my wanting to die because of pain has been a constant since i first got my period at like 7-9 years old#and being told by doctors and my parents that im faking it for attention or i need to get over it or that idk what pain is jhst means i#started not saying anything bc being in pain and crying a lot was already bad since id get yeled at for crying#but being called a liar and being in trouble for it and the additional suffering just really sucked on top of it so it was ‘easier’ to say#nothing and try to ignore it and pretend i wasnt in pain for others benefit since they thought i was lying anyways#which is even funnier since now if i mention it theybsfill think im lying#so if im ignoring it or honest abt it i#still apparently a liar ig lol#the only pain other ppl in my fam have experienced is the oral pain funnily enough but they screamed abt cried abt how nobodys ever felt#pain like they have over a need for ONE root canal. i needed 9 and numbing didnt work#thats the first time they ever realized i maybe wasnt lying avout the pain. was when they got told thaf. but they still treat me like i am
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A thing I pre-ordered months ago has shipped!
What's the thing?
Keepsake Quilting, and several other quilt companies/stores, put a sort of gift box together with fabric, notions, patterns, and gift cards in them. You don't know what you're getting, making it a surprise. I have never purchased one because they're expensive. This was 50% upfront, 50% when shipped, for a total of $150. Considering how much is in it, and what reviews were left the last several years, it's a steal. Plus, I wanna treat myself after having such a stressful and unpleasant year.
My mom and one of aunts have ordered such boxes in the past, but according to my mom, they're disappointing because she has so many of the things in the package, or no use for many of them. Rulers (some of which cost $30), needles, rotary cutters and extra blades (blades can be $10/each, new cutters up to $50), fabric marking tools (chalk pencils, disappearing ink, etc), precut fabric collections (jelly rolls can be $80, fat quarter collections up to $100 depending on number of FQs), and yardage ($12.99-$21.99/yard). She's been disappointed by "ugly" fabric too many times.
I, on the other hand, have significantly fewer tools. I make things for people to buy, and some folks love fabric I cannot stand (like x-mas and patriotic prints). There have been fabrics I consider well and truly hideous, and those I list in my shop or sell to people here. One person's trash is another's treasure, right? I've met people who think pastels are ugliest things to have ever existed. I think baby pink and green military camouflage look fantastic together, as well as turquoise and light hemp brown or terracotta and peacock blue. My mom finds them hideous. I think pink and any shade of brown look terrible together, or red and khaki (likely from working at Target and seeing is everywhere). Again, personal taste.
If any of you ever fancy treating me to one of these random collections of fabric and/or notions, feel free to do so. They're the sort of surprise I enjoy (that and people purchasing my work, especially from my shop). Sure, there are things that may he of no use to me, but others can use them. Nothing goes to waste.
This package will be arriving on November 18th, and has me giggling with excitement!
#words from the artist#my year has been filled with my husband nearly dying and us having thousands of dollars in medical bills to pay AFTER#the financial aid program forgave three of the six bills. we have around $5k of thag left to pay off#and one of the bills has gone to collections#plus my ear issues that cleared up after over six months of torment. my husband had to quit his previous job because working in#kitchens was slowly killing him and is now working fulltime in theory but not getting enough hours#i've sold virtually nothing and have had to beg for aid because not enough money due to lack of hours and lack of sales#my asthma throwing a fit and my sewing room being entirely too hot to work in and remaining that way for weeks at a time#then my left wrist being injured and leaving me unable to do virtually anything.#my husband then being taken to court by Unemployment three years after receiving the money. oh and being denied Unemployment#this year so for 10 weeks were on thoughts and prayers while he hunted for a non-kitchen job#plus his major surgery over the summer that was 100% covered by financial aid because we opted for a different hospital#there have been good things like he has insurance now and i'm abke to walk without feeling like i'm walking on glass#plus a few commissions over the summer. but those have been among the very few good things. oh and he won his court case#i would just like to have the rest of the year be filled with good things like all or most of my listed quilts selling. someone#commissioning me to finish the quilts i have listed as available to handquilting. the tops are finished but if i finish the quilts#completely they're gonna take up sooooo much space. even folded and rolled up. i store them in plastic bins to protect them but the#bins take up a lot of space. people praise my work and tell me hoe much they wanna buy it or will buy the things as soon as i list them...#and then no one buys them and the things just hang in my closet or rest in a bin. it's extremely disheartening to be repeatedly#disappointed. it has made me cry and question if it's worth making anything at all.
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forgot that migraine postdrome can make me so fucking sad. worst feature my body ever installed.
#real depresso hours tbh#excedrin didn't work today and the sunlight in my house was Extremely inconsistent#I'm talking 'full sun to fully cloudy back to fully sunny 3 times a minute for 4 hours'#flashbanged by the heavenly bodies while my meds Don't Work.#so. i cried from pain and frustration in the middle of my kitchen floor and then laid there catatonic for 90 minutes bc moving hurt#and now I'm not in pain but I'm exhausted#and deeply insecure about everything that i do#so now on top of that I'm anxious. i feel like I'm unlovable and irritating and am driving people away#and that no matter how hard i try i'll always be Too Much.#like I'm online craving the validation of strangers. and. i know i shouldn't. i know my tastes aren't always conventional.#i thought i'd be over it but i'm not.#i'm just big sad today. i'm tired of being in pain#i'm tired of feeling like nothing i ever do is enough or nothing i do is good. or that it's repulsive somehow.#i'm just. tired. and the postdrome is making me more miserable so it's just compounding all the negative stuff i've been wading through#recently. idk. i'm rambling and novody asked i'm just sad today and needed to bitch about it.
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everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏
#i love her but there are some benefits to having the flat to myself.... love getting to wander around in just my boxers + a tshirt too#things i could do while she was still here if i wasnt a pussy 🙄#jk itd just make her uncomfortable and im too respectful for that#having a lowkey crush on her is an endless comedy to me bc we would be so woefully incompatible romantically#and also sexually.. historically ive only ever stone topped bc ive never been comfortable enough w anyone to let them fuck me#despite very much Not being stone or exclusively a top. and i think shes some form of sex repulsed anyway so like. sits there dead silence#and also shes so in love with her other friends and i showed up late to that party.... ive been feeling kinda guilty lately bc ik-#she misses them a lot and wishes we'd be able to stay roommates w them too. and im a pretty poor replacement for them tbh#and i love spending time with her but whenever i do i feel kinda painfully aware im not them like i could never fill that space#and asking to hang out more with her always feels like im taking away from time she could be talking to them. or even being alone ik she-#likes her own company and i get that a lot too so its chill but ahh.. man#i dont mean this in a bitter or jealous way at all like theyre all such sweet ppl i couldnt ever hold it against them#theyre kind of a 3 headed cerberus type situation and im like. the stray puppy they found on the side of the road#theres nothing they can do differently i was just born to be alienated from other ppl forever until i die. and someday i hope ill-#finally get used to it and accept i wont ever feel like im enough for anyone else or feel like anything else is enough for me#old wounds healed over 5082 times that still hurt to touch but i cant help pressing my fingers into them anyway bc its a familiar pain etc#anyway lost where i was going with this its just been on my mind again recently. i hate to be pitied i hate to feel like im only included-#bc they didnt want me to feel left out i hate feeling like a shoddy secondhand stand-in and its been a lot of that lately#also been a little annoyed bc sometimes it feels like shes trying to micromanage my social life and girl. we're not close enough for that#im sure its well intentioned but im not part of what they have going on i cant compete in that ring so dont try to push me into it..#ahhh. its all ok tho one of the guys is coming to visit next month which will be rly fun but ill try to give them some space too#its good at least im doing this processing now bc group situations can be spike traps of triggers for me sometimes#regardless of how good friends i am w ppl and ive already had a wobble a few weeks ago w how i cope and i dont want it to become a#fully fledged regular issue again bc its so hard to crawl back out of that pit. anyway losing coherence here im gonna stop rambling#and go make myself an early dinner and then back to drawing........#sorry for long tags if ur reading this blows u a kiss but go find a better use of ur time girl!!#.diaries
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something kind of distressing about my Issues getting better. like the evidence for what happened is disappearing
#now that things are so different with my dad the only record that exists is the way I flinch and the way I can’t be fucking normal in bed a#nd my over the top reactions to stupid shit. and I don’t want to be nonfunctional the way I was last year but I don’t flinch so bad anymore#I want to want it to be like nothing ever happened but at the same time I don’t want to forget#mostly I just end up feeling like a liar.#I forgave my dad and I don’t want to cling to stuff I don’t even remember clearly but also I feel like I’m going crazy#there’s some stuff I know happened because my brother remembers too but he was a little kid for a lot of it or he wasn’t around yet#so the only one who actually knows is my fuckin dad. which obviously isn’t information I can get.#jesus. anyways. I’m on the couch in my parents’ house and I can’t get to sleep#del later
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yeah i'm one spoon away
from setting the ends of my hair on fire
if i'm kindling for a little while
at least i'll feel of use...
promise me that you'll start where i end
and i promise to give you everything that i am
and it goes on, and on, and on...
we'll go on and on and on
in the end all i hope for
is to be a bit of warmth for you
when there's not a lot of warmth left
to go around.
#(aka one of thor's many many many musical anthems that resides in my head)#(like gosh this song is PERFECT for the kind of thought processes that thor goes through on the daily?)#(the constant stress / the feeling you're only of use when you're burning alive)#(being happy and contented with that in a twisted kind of way because you may be burning but your kindling-)#(-will keep others warm like haha wow)#(really is the embodiment imo of thor's particular brand of self-sacrifice)#(steve does it for justice and standing up for the little guy which is honorable in and of itself)#(it fascinates me CONSTANTLY that thor legitimately does a similar thing...out of nothing and for nothing but the sake of love)#(whether it's love for his family / his homeland / for earth / for the people who live all across the universe)#(he just loves??? ALL of it. and of course there are some limits and he's not going to bumble over himself-)#(- to love another. but the idea of quasi-unconditional love that stems from this guy in his own way)#(i've always loved that about him and his values as a superhero the most)#(honestly i've loved steve's version of it too but having deep-dived into both men the past couple months)#(thor comes out on top every time)#( music . ) — the spirit of thunder is to be heard .#( ooc . ) — stories that leap from the page .
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had to lay down. woke up at nearly 7am. got overwhelmed by our sleep schedule once again being fucked because yesterday we actually went to bed at roughly the right time and thought "oh this is great we've fixed it". decided that we're just gonna deal with it and it'll be fine. and then our brain decided that no actually we're gonna have a combination of emotions that's maybe gonna give me another breakdown if I can't figure out how to deal with them but I have no fucking clue what to do with them
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#I fucking hate this. we barely did anything yesterday because we were too fatigued and then slept at a weird time#and we're still too fatigued to do much and we need to do the stuff we'd normally do before bed#and by the time we've done that we'll probably need to nap because we will feel so much worse if we don't#and I don't want to have to try and fit my whole day around trying to fix my sleep schedule but once again what else do I fucking do#and the whole last month has been like this over and over and it's because we got covid in February and have been way more fatigued#so we have to keep laying down and when we do that we just pass the fuck out#also waking up at like 7am (shortly before what should be our bedtime) leads to us feeling really sick#the way we used to feel when we had to get up early for college. like our body can't handle it and makes us feel like shit#and to top it all off the emotional shit I'm dealing with has nothing to do with this and it just another overwhelming thing on top of it#dysphoria and homesickness my fucking beloathed#I just want to be awake at the right time and have a nice stress free day and feel relaxed for once#like we keep trying to take time to relax and set aside time to do something fun and relieve some stress#and we still end up just as stressed and when we decided to spend a whole day just trying to relax we just ended up even more anxious#I'm so fucking tired. just let me sleep at the right time. just let me fucking relax for once in my life
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Finally put my sheets back on my bed (I slept on the bottom bunk the past 2 days, whoops...) & everything is so soft and warm and clean. And I am happy and sleepy in a soft cloud bed.
Truly nothing like Bed ❤️
#speculation nation#Bed with a capital B to represent the same kind of concept as Home#this is Bed. aka My bed. it is the place i return to. it is warm and soft and made of fluffy blankets.#it has multiple mattress pads and 5 blankets and the best pillow for my neck#and sometimes 2 cats who will walk all over me and on my head (as just happened just now)#i use the bottom bunk as a couch but it is also a bed and there have been times of my life where it's been my main bed#but the top bunk bed truly is comfier. and so i continue to use it as Bed.#bottom bunk is kept in couch position near permanently but i sometimes still sleep on it when i nap#or times like the prior few days where for whatever reason im not sleeping on top bunk#(i slept on the bottom when i was very sick too bc i didnt want to deal with climbing the ladder while in so much pain)#bottom bunk only goes to bed position when my girlfriend is over & spending the night#and i'll join her down there too :]#otherwise tho top bunk is Bed for me. and boy is it comfy.#nothing like sleeping outside of Primary Bed for a few days to remind myself of how much i Love My Bed
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