#but now I come across this album again completely coincidentally

[longleggedsocialist]

at this point god actually wants me to kill myself

[clowningismyboyfriend]

Is Taylor Swift announcing something MAJOR (again) at this years MTV VMAS?! 9/12…. 12/9 🤡🌌

Hi!

Welcome to the second post on my blog!

I figured the first had to be some kind of intro, I couldn’t just come waltzing in all clowned up, spitting my theories and rationalising whilst being irrational. That would be rude of me 😂

But I promised the juice so here is what’s been squeezin’.

In my last video on Tik Tok, I was happily headed off towards the direction of the ultimate clown missions of them all: The Karma “missing” album/era theory.

Thoughtfully shared below for your convenience!

In the relatively short time it’s been since I went from “Standard Swiftie” to full blown “Tay-Spiracy Theorist”, this missing album theory has been both the wildest AND most persistent Ive stumbled across.

The majority of the supporting clues do seem difficult to completely disprove or deny..

Deep in my clowning process of compiling all the piles, I think it was the 112 days theory that I’d JUUUSST started to unpack- I still haven’t wrapped my head around this 112 day theory but it certainly sounds juicy off the top of my head and I’m keen to go take a look later on-

BUT I GOT SIDETRACKED.

When reminded about the calculation of days between and months between, I cross checked my SwiftMath number crunching notes section if you will, where I had carefully and lovingly been documenting what was not immediately apparent to me.

(Sidenote: Although it’s mostly irrelevant now, there’s definitely some interesting SwiftMath on my first video where I somewhat incorrectly predict the release date for 1989- TV.)

So- I noticed that with all of the the Taylor’s Version albums, the re-release dates vs original release dates have been consecutively following a 12 year/9 year pattern- Check it out:

OR= Originally Released

ANN= Announcement date for Taylor’s Version

TV RD= Taylor’s Version release date

1.Fearless- OR- 11/11/2008- ANN- 11/02/21- TV RD- 9/04/21

Release Days apart- 4,532- 12 years, 4 months, 29 days

2.Red- OR- 22/10/2012- ANN- 18/06/21- TV RD- 19/11/21

Release Days apart- 3,315 - 9 years, 0 months and 28 days

3.Speak Now- OR- 25/10/2010- ANN- 5/5/23- TV RD- 7/7/23

Release Days apart- 4,638 - 12 years, 8 months and 12 days

4.1989-OR- 27/10/14- ANN- 9/8/23- TV RD- 27/10/23

Release Days apart- 3,287- 9 years, 0 months and 0 days

I figured ok surely I’m onto a clue here.. although my number crunching in my first video was somewhat skewed to an extent when it came to the upcoming release date of 1989 itself, ever since the announcement of 1989 TV, that repetition of 12 years and 9 years just seemed more than coincidental, although I’ve been proven wrong before with stuff like this.

I tried at first to apply it to the remaining two albums (Reputation and Self Titled) to absolutely no avail.. surely she wouldn’t be waiting that long to re-release Reputation (either 12 years or 9 years would mean 2029 or 2026) and the 12 year period meant that Debut would have had to be re-released before she even officially announced she would be re-recording.

So it was back to the drawing board but this time I was properly stuck and couldn’t move past it. It felt like I was taking a math test unprepared, but knowing I had learnt the formulas so why couldn’t I just figure it out?! Or better yet, your know those dreams when you try and punch something or someone and just can’t quite connect, like your hand is made of lead??

I was a Swiftie on a clue hunting mission with what felt like writers/hunters block. Easter Egg Block, if you will.

Until..

When doing my bit in casting my daily votes for this years MTV VMAS for Taylors 8 nominations (at the time she had 8.. it’s now up to 11 nominations and don’t think I am ignoring the significance of this number, I just delve deeper into it down further)

I was speculating on this Insta post by @taylornation .. I become sort of fixated on how it referenced her announcement of Midnights at last years VMAS.

… Then I realised the date of the upcoming VMA’s.

September 12th. 12/9. 12…9 🤡🤡🤡

….. WHAT?

So. Announcing a new album would be cliched for her at this point, I mean that’s what she did last year, but what if she’s announcing Reputation or Self-Titled?

Given all the Reputation TV eggs and theories based on so much solid evidence that is already out there, it makes sense.

Although becoming familiar with how Taylor operates (figuratively speaking) I wouldn’t put it past her if she comes out of left field and announces something like Self Titled TV to throw us all off our tracks..

Then again, thinking about the controversial VMAS back in 2009:

When Kanye West pulled this stunt, it was essentially the catalyst for the Reputation album as a whole, because without this first shot being fired by Kanye, there would not have been the ensuing on-again off-again beef between them.

So, I guess it would make sense that if there is any sort of announcement at the 2023 MTV VMAS, it fits that it would be the release date for Reputation- Taylor’s Version, or the release date for Self Titled.. or both?

Or what if it’s something completely different? Let’s take a look at some #SwiftMath!

🫶🏽 2009 was 14 years ago. 1 + 4 = 5.. 5th Taylor’s Version announcement?

🫶🏽 Taylor also currently holds an impressive record of 14 VMAS won overall…

🫶🏽 Taylor is currently the most nominated of the show, with an impressive 11 nominations.. 11 as in TS11?! Nah surely not, that would be too much of a coincidence.

.. But switching things up last minute isn’t a new concept for Taylor…

I mean, look at the VMA’s is when she announced the impending relapse date of Midnights like I mentioned earlier. Firstly, the scheduled date for release was on Kim Kardashians birthday, so you just know that it was bound to generate conversation. But curiously enough, she stated during the announcement that telling everyone that night depended on whether or not she won, so you know she had a back up plan in place.

Circling back to my original quest for Karma as a missing album and/or the next album.. here’s some of what I discovered amongst many more theories that are out there.

All signs and clues definitely keep pointing to Karma..

Whether it be the concept of Karma overall and how it has aptly applied to her major success of Re-recording her masters, or if it is being celebrated in the wake of some of her other big enemies suffering in many ways in their personal lives- including with their reputation! Think Scooter Braun and his divorce and FBI dramas.. Kanye and, well.. Basically take your pick with that hot mess and all his situations.

Although it certainly wasn’t the first, an intriguing clue is when Taylor starts laughing hysterically when announcing “Karma” for the Midnights Mayhem track listing announcement. The caption for this post on her Tik Tok also reads “been excited to announce this one”. It’s like she’s teasing something to do with Karma, outside of the fact that it’s a track title.. She notably also uses a galaxy (🌌) emoji.. We now know that the the emoji could have been a clue for the cosmic, celestial and mythological themes that featured throughout the video. These themes and associated imagery, clueing constellations, stars and planets have become more prominently featured over the last 2-3 eras. Definitely something to consider as a new topic of investigation.. from a brief scan online, there’s definitely theories brewing amongst the Swifties!

I do feel the need to point out the astronaut/moon man reference and connection with MTV here though, but again. This could be coincidental!

Another big clue that lies in the Karma music video is the reference to a Gold Taylor seemingly portraying the Greek Goddess of divine retribution and revenge, Nemisis. Gold Taylor is on a pedestal, which contains the Roman numerals that make up the year of her birth:

If the year of her birth in Roman numerals was an easter egg, as it’s officially since been confirmed that 1989 is out next, it definitely seems like there was duality with the reference; a multi-faceted hint.

1989 was and is her album of rebirth as it was symbolistic of her complete transition from country to pop. Karma is a central concept to the religious belief of rebirth…

So what can we possibly make of all these Karma hints and clues that have been popping up since at least 2016? For example, Taylor’s Vogue interview in which she states “Karma is real” with a capitalised K.

In my last video, at the time of uploading, when you entered in the URL for karmaonthewall.com, this website was redirecting to Taylor’s webpage with the first/previous pathway being “it happens after midnights”. The current redirect pathway now states “TS11”.. Taylor Swift 11, her potentially upcoming eleventh studio album?

For reference: “Karma on the wall” Stems from the theory in general that Karma was/is a missing album/era that was supposed to be released instead of Reputation based on a scene showing all her “lost” albums graffitied on the wall, with Karma on there (twice) next to a “missing” sign from “The Man” music video- Lover era

On one of the pillars in this scene, with visibility beginning at exactly 13 seconds into the video, you can see the graffitied word “Karma” in the same style as the “Karma” on the wall.

All the titles of her albums that were caught up in the masters controversy are graffitied on a wall, with a “missing” sign.. Karma is graffitied twice, Karma is in orange (rumoured to be or to have been the era colour) but also in black, which is the actual era colour for Reputation.

Sidenote: Interestingly, you can also see that 1989 is up there twice- When I first recognised this and thought about some other key clues, particularly in The Man video, it had me backflipping and cartwheeling into a spiral over this whole other theory my overthinking brain came up with.. Taylor, at the age of 22, started to receive all kinds of negative press about her dating life; the Karma album might have been something she wanted to release as a concept instead of Red, having had enough of dealing with the but was perhaps thwarted by Big Machine as a precaution given her bad press, the ongoing Kanye incident and so on. There’s so many little clues that seem to allude to this in “The Man” but I’ve had to put a pin in all that for now because that would be too wild to contemplate.. Wouldn’t it??…

..Back to Karma. As a concept, Karma is based on cause and effect. Good intentions/deeds means good karma and therefore happier rebirths. If the cycle of rebirth in these theories are what we are being directed to, did the orange colour graffiti signify fire and burning and the black colour graffiti represent ashes? I mean- this is hitting me right now as I type this, was it actually a possibility that Karma was supposed to come BEFORE Reputation, not in place of? Was it supposed to go 1989- Karma- Reputation?

What if she was on an entirely different trajectory with her albums and planned concepts, we all know she loves to plan sometimes years in advance.. but what if the entire Kanye/Kim controversy surrounding dishonest and partially leaked audio/video footage and the subsequent #TaylorSwiftIsCancelledParty caused her to change up everything?

The biggest hint at this definitely comes through in her lyrics from the Midnights Til Dawn vault track “You’re Losing Me”:

“Do I throw out everything we built or keep it? / I’m getting tired even for a phoenix / Always rising from the ashes”

A Phoenix is Gold. Taylor on the pedastal- Gold. A Phoenix is representative of rebirth, never ending life.

IS SHE SINGING ABOUT KARMA THE ALBUM?

There was speculation that this song was in reference to her and Joe Alwyns alleged breakup. But I mean, everyone will always try and tie a Taylor song to a boy or a breakup. I genuinely think Taylor is smarter than that, I mean she’s actually spoken on the record about this subject before and she certainly has a duality to the meaning of her songs.. I don’t always hear the boy and girl aspect of a song, and when I read the lyrics/listen to “You’re losing me” I’m even more certain it could be alluding to Karma.

“You’re losing me” was part of the ‘Til Dawn remixes, and Taylor announced that the album would only be available for purchase in person at the East Rutherford, New Jersey portion the US leg of the tour but this song wouldn’t be released for streaming.. It was also at these same shows that Taylor and Ice Spice performed their remixed version of “Karma”.. and debuted their music video! It was actually after these shows that Karma was added as the 44th and final track of the tour.

Okkk so before I continue any further, I need to bring up the other URL- In my last video, the url notalotgoingonatthemoment.com redirected to Taylor Swifts webpage with the added pathway of “theywouldntmedoitkarma”. Seemingly missing a word, maybe as obvious as “let” but maybe not…

For reference: “Not a lot going on at the moment” is a well known, now multi-faceted Taylor expression that appears to have originated from a slogan on a shirt she wore for the “22” music video during the Red era…

The most obvious fitting word be “let”. What if LET stands for Lost Eras Title.. Which the theories all refer to as Karma? Another fit would be Last Eras Track. This has the extra layer of being both the last track played on the Eras Tour set list, plus it fits with the speculation that Karma the song signifies the end of the Midnights era overall.

It could even stand for Last Eras Tour- Will she announce something major on the very last tour date? Could it be that her Karmic rebirth overall will be complete as she coincides the tour with the final re-releases of her albums?

If so, I hope she will be taking us down a completely different way of doing things as we know it, because evidently she is the epitome of genius levels of cleverness, with the perfect amount of class and sass.

I worry that based on Surely she would not be settling into reTAYermen anytime soon, I mean at the bare minimum I couldn’t imagine her never completing a 13th album for example. (Oh my gosh that ALBUM and the delivery going to be one for the books)

She’s made lots of comments and dropped lots of hints in interviews about how she feels like she’s considered too old for the industry in terms of being a pop star.. it does seem so ridiculous though considering she’s certainly at her peak in her career right now!

Although it’s somewhat going off tangent ever so slightly.. Let’s talk about the burning Lover house.

The Lover house that is portrayed as burning down during the Eras Tour- being symbolic of rising from the ashes and rebirth, this ties in with the karma theme Hindi Moksa and burning bad karma to purify..

But does this mean a new house? What will emerge from the ashes of the Lover house, to be rebirthed?

I have a theory on all of that.. I reckon She’s going back to an ex. But we shall see. I’ll not be saying another word…

Theories aren’t for me to speculate on when it comes to relationships.

That remains her privacy and I will always respect whatever she chooses to share with us or not!

❤️

So.. Taking into consideration all of this, plus the bonus below little quick and curious Google..

.. It’s safe to say no matter what happens at the VMAS, we are definitely headed in a fresh and brand new direction! Because no matter what @taylorswift does-She is absolutely golden.

I do have to say though that it can be a constant battle reminding myself that with Taylor… Anything can and will literally go. It’s been speculated that she reads all our theories and has literally implemented some before so that’s pretty cool! Generating and regenerating conversations by furthering the idealisms that we, as fans, have put out there ourselves.. Well, that’s just straight up Karmic and the best representation of the cycle of rebirth indeed.

If she is, it’s honestly the most genius marketing strategy I’ve ever seen. It’s not an approach that’s ever been adopted by a singer/song writer and I think it’s a major key contributing to her ongoing success and so think she does too- Hence why she is always so genuinely, down to earth humbled and grateful for us fans.

#Swifties of #Swiftnation and #Taylornation…

I hope you all voted for our girl!! 11 nominees… I could cry for her!

✨I hope she releases a super exclusive, mega detailed all access passes behind the scenes tour about The Eras Era… Manifesting this as the announcement✨

Please feel free to add and share and comment and discuss with me!

Until then,

.. I’m in exhile seeing you out..

Dani

Xx

[tiesandtea]

An in-depth & really interesting review of Head Music’s various - often forgotten but actually brilliant - b-sides. Originally posted on The Vapour Trail London blog on 20 November 2019.

The folklore of early Suede and the B-sides compilation ‘Sci Fi Lullabies’ would lead the casual observer to believe that the band had peaked creatively to the point that post-1997 B-sides would not be worth investigating, however I believe differently and now, thanks to the reissues of ‘Head Music’, these can now be easily accessed for wider reappraisal.

Full article under the cut.

Coincidentally coinciding with the recent release of Brett Anderson’s second memoir ‘Afternoons with the Blinds Drawn’, Suede have issued the 20 year deluxe edition of their fourth album, ‘Head Music’. Their final number one album to date was issued in May of 1999 to much fanfare, following in the footsteps of their classic ‘Coming up’ in 1996, a record that spawned no less than five top ten singles and saw them achieve astronomical fame across Europe and Asia (indeed, Anderson remains a genuine celebrity in parts of Scandinavia as a direct result). Whilst ‘Head Music’ was a hit, its making has gone down in the annals of history as being even more fraught and littered with personal scandal than even that of their second album, ‘Dog Man Star’, the record that infamously served as original guitarist Bernard Butler’s swan song. The chief reason was Anderson’s spiralling addictions to heroin and crack, which in the eyes of the singer served to influence what he and many others deem the patchiness of the record. Indeed, when Suede first reissued their heyday albums back in 2011, Brett would include within the sleeve notes his own rewritten track listings in each, citing Suede’s fervent devotion to ensuring that their B-sides were up to the same quality as their singles and album tracks, thus costing the associated albums some potential improvements. Songs from the album that often raise debate amongst its makers and listeners include ‘Asbestos’, ‘Elephant Man’, and the almost universally-derided title track, a scrappy, crappy exercise in suggestiveness that even producer Steve Osborne initially refused to have anything to do with.

Perhaps due to all of this, the resultant B-sides of the album’s singles have been lost in time somewhat. Whereas the B-sides associated with the first three albums reached legendary status in such a short space of time that the band issued a compilation double album of nearly all of them in 1997, ‘Sci Fi Lullabies’, their 1999 counterparts are rarely spoken of within the same reverent breath. I would argue that this is vastly remiss to the point of sacrilege as, taken in one listenable chunk, they serve to create what on its own would be an incredible record.

But before we investigate further, it’s worth exploring the genesis of Suede’s musical direction at this point. As Brett and the band have noted many times over the years, Suede sought to follow each album with a record almost diametrically opposed to its predecessor stylistically. The kitchen sink gutter glam of their groundbreaking debut was consciously followed by an ambitious, widescreen and darker ‘Dog Man Star’, the pretension and bluster of which was then followed by a strict album of ‘ten singles’ in ‘Coming Up’. Each time, at least one B-side would serve as a blueprint for what would follow; 1993’s ‘High Rising’ and ‘The Big Time’ served very much of signposts for what would follow in 1994, and then again in 1995, Richard Oakes’ sexy glam pop of ‘Together’ would point the band towards ‘Coming Up’ in 1996. Here, they would seek to expand upon the sonic direction of Mat Osman-penned ‘Europe is Our Playground’, a song they so loved they reworked its arrangement live and subsequently re-recorded for the aforementioned B-Sides compilation of 1997. Caked in icy synths and led by a dub-inspired bass line, it signified something cold and electronic, the desolate melancholy of ‘Dog Man Star’ reimagined by Kraftwerk or Berlin-era Bowie. The band promised this new direction in interviews and the public’s appetite was whetted.

Early in 1998, as part of a Pet Shop Boys-curated tribute to Noel Coward’, the band released one of their prime hidden gems, a suitably synthetic and clinical version of the great writer’s ‘Poor Little Rich Girl’. Unfortunately this was shown to the masses on television via a mimed performance that saw an utterly wasted Anderson grinning inanely with zoned out eyes whilst trying not to fall off a chair. This performance distracted from the impressive song (also featuring the highly talented Raissa, who had supported Suede on their Coming Up tour, on vocals) and seemingly left no impression on anybody.

And so to fast forward to the album. The making of the record has been documented extensively not only in Anderson’s second autobiography but also in David Barnett’s authorised biography ‘Love and Poison’ and Mike Christie’s recent documentary set ‘The Insatiable Ones’. If you’re not familiar with the story, it is a jaw dropping tale of decadence, debauchery and depression, the likes of which have seemingly and thankfully been removed from the culture of music making today. Indeed, there’s not a lot of money around now for bands to blow on endless recording sessions fuelled by endless drug abuse. But what emerged was a flawed but often brilliant record that has stood the test of time well and honestly sounds as fresh as the day it was released. The album’s track list can and will continue to be debated but ultimately, had they shaved off two of the more superfluous numbers (I would argue that the title track serves no purpose as does the turgid closing track ‘Crack in the Union Jack’), it would likely be held in the same high regard as the vast portion of their other records. But we won’t dwell on that here.

First single ‘Electricity’ was accompanied by no fewer than five b-sides, all of which carry some merit. ‘Popstar’, a concise lyrical study of the relationship between fan and band, contains the kind of crystalline synths and dubby bass that the band had sought to highlight with their two musical blueprints prior to the album. Richard Oakes’ guitar parts are sparser than ever before but serve the song well, and the chorus is cold and epic in a way that takes the song from good to great. ‘Killer’, complete with a lyric that seems to expand upon the ficitonlised femme fatale of ‘Coming Up’s ‘She’, is more impressive still; a dark, brooding slice of electro-noir that slinks and stalks in the manner suggested by the song’s lyric. It builds and builds to a desperate crescendo and brings to mind the best of Depeche Mode at their ‘Violator’ zenith. ‘See That Girl’, complete with yearning Anderson vocals lamenting ‘this dog shit world’, is less impressive but still good. A real undersung high point of the time is the Neil Codling-written and sang ‘Waterloo’, an electronic folk classic that sees some beautifully melodic guitar lines almost acting as choruses, and a tenderness rarely reached by the band. The fifth and final b-side (it was on the minidisc – yes, minidisc – version of the single), is ‘Implement Yeah!’, an old co-write with Justine Frischmann where Brett parodies Mark E Smith to amusing effect over a gutter-punk thrash that the band premiered with Justine at the 1997 Reading Festival.

‘She’s in Fashion’ followed in 1999 and quickly became one of the band’s better known songs via endless radio play that perhaps contributed to it being their first single since ‘New Generation’ in 1995 not to reach the top ten. Looking back, I imagine the fact that you could walk into any shop at any time during that Summer and be exposed to it as one reason why fewer people bought it than they might otherwise. The B-sides rank among the band’s very best. ‘Bored’ continues where ‘Implement Yeah’ left off with a Stooges-like guitar thrash adorned by sweet synths and a classically anthem Suede chorus. During an interview at the end of 1999, Mat Osman threatened a harder, rockier direction for the next album which never did come to fruition and it’s possible that this would have been one of its blueprints. ‘Pieces Of My Mind’ is better still, and a rehearsal recording of it sounding very different can be found on the new reissue. Taking its cue from ‘Europe is Our Playground’, it is a dreamlike wander through almost psychedelic electronica and its lilting chorus imprints itself on your mind immediately. ‘Jubilee’, a Codling creation, is one of the best of the era and would probably have made for a better first single than ‘Electricity’, a romantic epic that chugs along like ‘Trash’ and bears a dramatic and addictive chorus that would surely have been incredible live. Perhaps the lyric was somewhat off-putting to the band, a blank retread of other songs including the ‘run with me’ hook of the ubiquitous ‘Europe’. If so, this is a shame as if we are to be honest (and Brett has said so numerous times himself), the entire era was marred by some seriously autopilot lyricism that was charming in places in its framing of the Suede lyrical lexicon of language, and just plain boring in others. The single is rounded off by the gorgeous ‘God’s Gift’, a simplistic piano piece aided and abetted by swirling synths and understated bass that had been written by Brett about Justine many years before. As with a few of Suede’s records (most notably the first album), the spectre and influence of Ms Frischmann lurks around the songs of this era but in perhaps a much more positive way; the two had rekindled their friendship prior to the making of the album and it was Justine’s love of new wave that inspired some of the music.

‘Everything Will Flow’, the great lost ballad of the era in the same way as ‘The Wild Ones’ had been five years prior, saw an interesting bag of B-sides attached that differed in style in a far more pronounced way than the two earlier singles. ‘Leaving’, which Brett sees as the ultimate casualty of this period, is prime Suede in its romantic portrait of a girl departing relationship for a new life, although the underlying sentiment is entirely opposite of that of ‘Another No One’ in 1996. Although still featuring synthesised textures, its abundance of gentle guitar and piano is much more organic and not only serves as an appropriate backing to the not dissimilar ‘Flow’ but also as a subtle nod to where the band would go next. ‘Weight of the World’ is entirely a Neil Codling construction as with the earlier ‘Digging a Hole’ on the ‘Lazy’ single of 1997, however here he is eschews piano in favour of nylon strung guitar. Ruminating on the idea of his own demise, the song finds Neil in introspective form and perhaps shows a window into how he must have been feeling at the time, his health suffering significantly during the making of the record resulting in a chronic bout of ME of which he would never fully recover. It is sad and beautiful and at the time I wondered whether he would one day make a solo record. To date, he never has. ‘Seascape’ is up next, an ambient instrumental piece at odds with the majority of Suede’s output (indeed I believe this is Suede’s sole instrumental within their canon). Pleasing and dreamy in a subtly Eno-esque way, it lures you into a false sense of security for what would follow. The final song of the ensemble is the shocking and brilliant ‘Crackhead’. Noted by Q at the time for its outlandish appeal, it remains one of the most captivating songs in Suede’s history. Built around a staccato electronic motif, it lurches and grinds in a manner the band never achieved before or since, as a hoarse Anderson vocal tears apart his own addiction to the ice with suitable ice. At the time, Brett was in recovery, however this sounds like an isolated howl from the depths of dependence. It roars and builds to a final shrieking chorus of ‘you can’t give it up’ which says all that really needed to be said.

The final single of the era, ‘Can’t Get Enough’, another candidate for what should have previewed the album in place of ‘Electricity’, limped to number 24 in the charts but boasted perhaps the greatest array of B-sides of all the singles. In archetypal Suede fashion, ‘Let Go’ cut an honest precursor to the musical way forward, which would culminate in the predominantly folky ‘A New Morning’. Three-layered harmonies and melodic acoustic strum back one of Richard Oakes’ finest guitar performances, chiming and chugging riffery that would be revisited on later single ‘Obsessions’. Brett’s lyrics convey an all-pervaying positivity minus the bland triteness of the single of the same name, capping off an irrestible euphoria that would be deemed suitable for release as an A-side in their commercial home from home that was Sweden. It’s a shame that they were unable to replicate the feeling of the song across the subsequent ‘A New Morning’ album, however upon reflection the fault may lie in the fact that said album would be over-produced to the point of clean-cut nothingness by the otherwise accomplished Stephen Street. Next song ‘Since You Went Away’ is folkier still and retains much of the same charm, with Brett lamenting the feeling of loss felt in the aftermath of a realtionship break-up. Again, this is truly lovely stuff and acts as a further blueprint for album number five that would never quite be capitalised on. Heading over to CD2, ‘Situations’ is powered by a synthesised Eastern motif and ponders the ‘lonely minds’ and ‘vacant stares’ typical of Anderson’s lyrics of the time. While slightly over long, it would have worked on ‘Head Music’ had it been the more darker record the band initially promised, and even to these ears sounds somewhat influential on final Suede single (at the time), 2003’s ‘Attitude’. The very final B-side of this era is the brilliant and biting ‘Read My Mind’. As with ‘Crackhead’, it reveals a starker, harsher sound complimented by the blank words defining a phase of depression, most likely revealing the way the writer was feeling at the time. The chorus harmonies add to the relentlessness of the piece and once it’s over, you’re honestly left wanting more.

So these B-sides make up the lost record of 1999 whilst also pointing towards Suede’s final record of their first run. The rockier record that Osman hinted at was surely influenced by the likes of ‘Bored’, ‘Crackhead’ and ‘Read My Mind’, whilst the likes of ‘Let Go’, ‘Leaving’ and ‘Since You Went Away’ were very definitely influences on what eventually did surface. The folklore of early Suede and the B-sides compilation ‘Sci Fi Lullabies’ would lead the casual observer to believe that the band had peaked creatively to the point that post-1997 B-sides would not be worth investigating, however I believe differently and now, thanks to the reissues of ‘Head Music’, these can now be easily accessed for wider reappraisal.

[sodamvelvets]

“my dear, our love was a long time coming”

a son seungwan x fem reader fic

word count: 915

a/n: this is my first post of hopefully many to come, hope you enjoy! please note the writing style in my later fics will be different as this is simply a converted version of something I wrote long ago XD

the first time seungwan had seen y/n was when she was twelve. like most encounters that happened at that age, it was in the schoolyard, when the younger grey-eyed girl had accidentally (at least seungwan hoped) shoved the brunette into the nipping teeth of the playground mulch. one would think it would be a perfect opportunity then, for seungwan’s love to blossom for the young y/n then, a charming story of the grey-eyed girl graciously helping her stand, apologizing profusely, making seungwan blush, and eventually ending in the inevitable marriage. except the reality was y/n hadn’t done that. in fact, the girl didn’t even know she had pushed poor seungwan over in the first place. yet, seungwan still fell (quite literally) for her, all because of the coincidental zap that erupted from y/n’s touch when she brushed past the brunette, and seungwan, who had surely watched enough disney films by then, well if she knew any better, then she’d say it was a sign from the heavens because nothing was ever coincidence, and even at age twelve seungwan was still a hopeless romantic. and so her crush ensued, for six more years where she remained unnoticed by the younger girl and pretty much everyone else. that is until she was eighteen and by some miracle she was chosen to become a trainee for sm entertainment, forcing her to pack her bags and leave her past life behind, and with that, her schoolgirl crush on y/n disappeared completely, well almost. 

it wouldn’t be until she was nineteen, a year into her trainee life that she truly thought of the grey-eyed girl again, and it was only really a passing thought something that came as she scrolled through her socials, the sudden popping of blue and gold highlighting her feed as she realized the class a year below her own had just recently graduated, which would include y/n, and for a second she remembered the grey-eyed beauty, but the thought didn’t last long, pushed away as she heard her name called by her fellow trainee, and that was all seungwan thought of the girl, until almost three years later, when the still relatively newly debuted girl entered the studio with her members and she actually saw the grey-eyed girl, something the freshly turned blonde girl had not expected. but looking back at it then, sometimes she thinks she really should have expected it. seungwan had silently watched y/n for six years of her life and from that she must’ve known of the girl’s obvious passion for music. 

and it was on that day, that seungwan shook the young intern’s hand, that the blonde’s crush came crawling back, however she made sure to quickly deny this when seulgi mentioned it to her later, her cheeks reddening as seulgi, in perhaps too much detail described seungwan’s overly awkward behavior, something both sooyoung and yerim made sure to remind her of in the days that followed. 

of course, seungwan hadn’t seen y/n or any of her former classmates in over four years, after all, it’s not like anyone was planning to move halfway across the globe just like that, so how is she supposed to know then, that the girl she dreamt of for hours as a child now has a girlfriend she’s been dating since senior year. 

she’s not. 

and imagine the embarrassment she feels when she’s two seconds from asking y/n on a date and then lo and behold the girlfriend shows up to pick her up for their weekly movie night. and of course, her members made sure to tease her for days afterward 

and thus stupid cupid is born. 

which of course has to be put on the album her manager decides, meaning that now y/n’s going to hear the song that’s literally written about her. and oh god is it awkward when she does because the grey-eyed girl thinks it’s about her group’s leader bae joohyun, and even when the blonde denies it no one believes her, well except for red velvet themselves, who have quite the laugh over it later that night. 

it’s three weeks before red velvet plans on releasing their first mini-album that seungwan finally catches a break. y/n has just broken up with her girlfriend, being in the studio during almost the entire day every day to help red velvet with their album has caused a fracture in their relationship, and seungwan should feel terrible, but she doesn’t. in fact she goes home and writes candy that very night.

and from there y/n and seungwan only spend more time together, producing tracks and writing new songs, some for the upcoming comeback and some for others.  and seungwan notices that slowly but surely y/n seems to be moving on. and it’s on the night before ice cream cake is supposed to drop that seungwan finally gets the courage to ask the question she’s been wanting to ask for years, and much to seungwan’s surprise, y/n agrees. they go on a date and just under two months later they’re officially a couple (something the rest of red velvet definitely made sure to celebrate when they found out). and that night, as seungwan holds y/n’s sleeping form in her arms she silently thanks y/n for shoving her all those years ago, before pressing a soft kiss onto the younger girl’s forehead, and seungwan swears the sleeping girl smiles.

[twiceblackvelvet]

Blame

Pt. I, Pt. II

June 2nd, 2022. 14:32 PM. Busan.

“That’s a wrap everyone, thank you!”

The booming voice of the director echoing throughout the set. Lighting rigs are taken down by the many production staff on hand. The few extras needed to walk in the shot background shuffle out of sight without speaking a word, grateful for the opportunity to be working, and not willing to do anything to risk their position here. You can see the hunger for more in all of their eyes and the envy they feel towards those with speaking roles. None of them have caused trouble, something the former male lead should learn from.

The first few weeks here had been tortuous but finally, Joy has completed the filming of her first acting job since the split of Red Velvet, without murdering the god-awful co-star initially hired which is an accomplishment. The role of a mistress seeking revenge against the man who murdered her father just seemed too good to pass up on. However, had she known it would come with dealing with by far the most pretentious man to exist, she might have thought twice.

The first few days it was plain sailing. Everyone just got on with their jobs and kept things moving along. But then, trailers needed to be made bigger and fine foods had to be stocked inside every day. The final straw being a request for an assistant solely to hold water bottles close by the actor. To say Joy was annoyed would be an understatement. So, she confronted the man for his poor behavior and put him in his place. Respect should be earned not just given, and this man had earned zero.

After being showed up in front of everyone, things spiraled quickly into ruining scenes on purpose just to make shoots run late or purposefully blocking the camera with his body during close-ups. Eventually, the director settled on replacing him with another actor, far better both in the talent and attitude department. The firing caused a setback in the schedule, but luckily everyone worked twice as hard to finish within the allotted time-frame.

To finally be rid of this experience feels like a breath of fresh air. Not that she didn’t enjoy portraying what most would deem the “bad” character for a change, it just became difficult to do so when a real-life villain was haunting the production.

“Hey, the director has arranged a wrap party, are you going?”

Eunseo, a petite woman in charge of the third camera who everyday likes to inform Joy she owns all of Red Velvet’s albums asks. Her toothy grin is remarkably unpleasant as the question escapes her mouth. However, Joy has gotten used to her overexcitement over the small pleasures in life.

“Sure, I just need to grab my things from the trailer and I’ll get my manager to drive me straight there.” A lie. A very obvious yet unnoticed lie.

“Great, I’ll see you there.” Eunseo latches her arms firmly around Joy’s neck, although, she barely reaches because of her lack of height.

Joy quickly squirms her way out of the smaller woman’s arms and gives only a smile in response before scurrying away to her trailer, not daring to allow her a second chance at grappling her neck.

Unlocking her phone as she gets closer to the spacious trailer she’s spent the last few months getting used to, a few notifications appear about her upcoming drama, which she subscribed to the alerts for. If the former male lead tries to tarnish her name despite his own actions being the issue, she wants her team to be on the case of fixing it immediately. A few missed calls from her sister and mom, likely wondering how long they need to keep babysitting Haetnim whilst she’s out of Seoul. But finally, some texts from an unknown number that she deletes without reading. If it’s anyone or anything important, they’ll contact her manager.

Getting closer to the trailer, the door appears to be slightly ajar. Joy stops in her tracks, trying to think back to whether or not she locked it before heading to the set. She’s certain she did, however, with the excitement of the final day looming over her, she thinks it’s possible this slipped her mind.

Not willing to risk a masked assailant, however, she shouts inside first to see if anyone responds.

“Hello, is anyone there?”

Silence is all that follows. Not trusting this, she asks again in a more threatening tone.

“Hello? I’m calling the police if you don’t come out!”

A small chuckle is all that can be heard, but there’s no one in sight. Fed up with the not knowing, Joy steps inside of her trailer attempting to use her phone like some kind of weapon. The last person she ever imagined being sat inside of her trailer, however, is there in all of her glory as made-up and ready for the runway as ever, despite her “normal” life now.

“Irene?” She asks, as if unsure of whether the older woman before her is real or just a figment of her imagination.

“Joohyun. It’s Joohyun now.” Adjusting her shirt as she speaks, Joy can tell that she’s nervous to be here, with her, for the first time since the day they parted as members. “Nice trailer, I can see you… decorated.”

There’s clothing thrown on the floor with little to no care, a reminder of their days in the dorm, everyone making a mess, and no one in the mood to clean up after themselves. However, if Joy had known that Joohyun was dropping by, she’d have attempted to at least make it slightly presentable. She does still mean a lot to Joy.

“Um… What are you doing here?” The bluntness to Joy’s tone being something she didn’t mean to let out, however, her voice naturally shows that she too is on edge.

The pair look at each other for a few seconds before Joohyun stands and attempts to leave. However, Joy places her arm up onto the door frame to block her path before she can whisk back out of her life as fast as she has re-entered it.

“This was a mistake, I shouldn’t have come here. I’m sorry.” Sadness drips off every word Joohyun speaks, her eyes averting to the ground.

“Come on, sit back down. I’ll make us a drink and you can tell me all about it.”

Joohyun desperately wants to escape, but Joy has always had a way of roping her into things she’s not so sure of. So she sits. They drink, something that is far too stiff for both of them to handle, however, it helps the words flow from Joohyun’s mouth and Joy’s ears do a lot more listening than they’re used to nowadays.

She tells Joy all about the offer from Dongchul and how she’s considering stepping into the acting world, about her garden that has become a haven where she can let all of her thoughts out and about how her parents’ smiles have become the thing that makes her heart feel alive now.

Joy has always found Joohyun beautiful, so has anyone lucky enough to lay their eyes on her, however, seeing her happy like this makes her feel that her own actions regarding their group splitting are justified if Joohyun is enjoying her new life this much. Joy desperately hopes to feel the same way one day about her own.

“How about you? Do you keep up with the others?” Joohyun asks and breaks Joy from her own inner monologue of life. “How are they all?”

Joy hesitates in answering Joohyun’s innocent question. She knows that her former leader is not trying to stir up any negative feelings by asking about the others, yet, sadness is all Joy can feel when she thinks about the state the group has erupted into.

“I don’t speak to Seulgi, she stopped speaking to me that day,” A frown replaces Joohyun’s smile from seconds ago at this. “Yeri and I hang out sometimes, she’s just as busy as I am. We check in with each other when we can.”

“That’s good, you two were always close. Annoying, but close.” Joohyun adds, “What about Wendy, do you see her still?”

Confusion etches across Joy’s face. Granted Joohyun is yet to reveal whether she has kept in touch with anyone, she figured that she would have at least saw the news on the internet or television.

“Well that would be difficult, given that she’s in America now, did you not know?”

Joohyun almost chokes on her drink at Joy’s words. America? Why would she move there? Why did no one tell her?

“No, when did she move?”

“She left about two months after the split.” If Joohyun thinks this is the only bombshell awaiting her about her former members, Joy has yet another shock in store for her. “So, you don’t know about the singles clash then, I guess?”

Placing her drink down onto the table, Joohyun shifts her body closer towards Joy’s, unsure of what she’s talking about.

“Singles clash? No?”

A deep sigh leaves Joy’s body. Dealing with her awful co-worker had also been made more difficult by the decisions made by two of her former members. Interviewers desperately wanting her to comment on what ended up being a situation blown out of proportion, but a stressful one to deal with. Fake smiles were plastered on and rumors of a feud swiftly denied by both her and Yeri on behalf of Seulgi and Wendy.

“Seulgi got to debut solo two months ago, SM did their first thing right in years and went all out for her, the whole works,” Joy can see Joohyun’s mental cogs shifting trying to figure out where an issue comes into play here. “But Wendy released her first solo song in the US at midnight, an hour before Seulgi’s showcase here.”

Suddenly, everything makes sense. But surely this was all coincidental? Joohyun thinks but doesn’t verbalize as Joy is in before she can.

“Wendy insists that she had no idea Seulgi’s debut was that day but, I don’t know. It turned into a messy situation and fans didn’t know which to support. Seulgi still topped the charts, but it can’t have felt good to have her thunder stolen from someone who was once her friend. She already blames us for the disbandment, this just added fuel to the fire.”

Joy’s hand’s motion between the two of them as she speaks.

“She blames me?” Joohyun asks softly.

Joy pauses and recalls that Joohyun missed the blow-up from Seulgi in the office that day having left before it happened. She decides it’s best to stick the knife all the way in and tell Joohyun everything instead of trying to spare her with a lie.

“Except for Yeri, she blames all of us.”

pt. iv

[goodnightkisseu]

Time To Heal - Chapter 7

→ pairing: sehun x reader

→ genre: fluff, angst, struggling musician sehun x rich reader

→ word count: 4,054

→ warnings: none

→ summary: you had your life planned out for you ever since you were a little girl. However, when your friend, Baekhyun, takes you with him to his old hangout, you meet someone, someone you were willing to risk your parents’ criticism to be with. His name was Oh Sehun. But, in the end, what you really should have asked yourself, was if Sehun was ready to face your parents…

→ masterlist // exo masterlist // time to heal masterlist

→ [prologue] [ch.1] [ch.2] [ch.3] [ch.4] [ch.5] [ch.6] [ch.7]

→ updates taglist~: @chanyeolol​​​ @meryljill-111192​​​ @sehunscutiepie​​​​ @hi-cupid​​​ @lilian235​​​

note: we are coming up on the end of this series! ;A; honestly I’ve fallen back in love with it as I’ve been editing it for all of you to read ;; I hope that you’ll all enjoy this chapter!

Also, please let me know if you would like to be tagged in this story~

- ash <3

Over the last two years, you had run through hundreds of scenarios in your mind. You theorized about seeing Sehun again, about the things that you would say to each other, but nothing quite amounted to what happened when you actually met. It was definitely awkward, and rightfully so in your eyes. It had been years, and there was no way for either of you to grasp the type of pain the other went through. However, seeing each other again didn't feel nearly as bad as you had expected. You had a nice dinner, and Sehun even went out of his way to apologize for his past behavior. That was never something you had planned to hear.

When you told Baekhyun about your encounter with Sehun, your friend was quick to ask how you felt. He knew it had been trying for you, so, for the meeting to take a completely different turn than you had hypothesized, it was likely a shock. And honestly, you weren't sure if you even knew how you felt. Sehun was someone that had broken your heart, and never did you think he'd feel remorse for it. But you could tell that he was aware of his actions, and that felt more in line with the Sehun that you knew. Your feelings towards him at the moment were... complicated.

Yet, as complicated as they were, you weren't going to let them stand in the way of his apparent efforts to make amends. Additionally, you felt like accepting his apology might have been the step that you needed to move on with your life, to keep him from running through your mind. So, after receiving his new number from Baekhyun, you sent a simple message. It read, "Let's put the past behind us and move forward. Good luck with your new single, and I can't wait to hear it!"

In the days that followed, you felt a sense of relief, weight lifted off of your shoulders. It felt like making amends after all of this time was the right move. It felt right to move forward, and that was what you did. Slowly, you found yourself emerging from this space that had only been occupied by you and Baekhyun. You started to go out again, whether you were invited by Baekhyun or your coworkers. You started living that life that you had unknowingly put on hold. The more time you spent with others, the more you felt like a whole person, your own person again. You were able to have fun, to chat with them, to really experience life in the way you wanted to.

And in due time, you even started dating again.  

Nothing was ever quite permanent. It had been a long time. You had to rediscover and realize what you were actually looking for in a significant other. Guys came and went, but you never quite clicked with any of them... until Changmin. He was your longest relationship after Sehun, though it only lasted for a little over half a year. The two of you had met during fashion week. Your parents sent you to oversee their part of the show, as they had some other business out of the country. You had met backstage while you were directing some of your models, and he taking pictures of the different lines from each company. Something at that moment just clicked for the both of you.

Coincidentally, Changmin was someone that your parents had been trying to set you up with for years. He ran an editorial company that was well respected across the industry. To your parents, it was a match made in heaven for you and your business. He was a nice man, and his reputation had the possibility of boosting up your family's brand. The potential for both companies to grow together was exponential. Your parents were thrilled.

Unfortunately, it didn't work out. You weren't sure exactly what drove you apart. Everything had been going so well for the two of you... until it wasn't. It could have been the extra hours that you had to put in to get the new line ready for the coming season. It could have been the fact that Changmin was overseas for most of the year, the two of you only meeting up when he was in town. Honestly, you spent so much time apart you wouldn't have been surprised if maybe you fell out of it because he already had someone else. At the end of the day, the relationship came to an end, much to your parents' disappointment.

Admittedly, it was painful losing Changmin. During those periods where the two of you had been inseparable when your relationship was in a good state, you had started to depend on him. With things in Baekhyun's life picking up, Changmin had become your source of comfort in your best friend's absence. Now that he was gone, you felt that emptiness again. It was that same type of void you felt when Sehun exited your life, and like a creature of habit, you threw yourself back into your work. The only difference was that you didn't close yourself off this time. You still went out, had a good time with the people closest to you, but with your career picking up, you decided that there wasn't time for another serious relationship.

Instead, you had to focus on your true passion, your job. And in seemingly no time at all, three years passed.

You had been working hard to learn the ins and outs of the industry, immersing yourself in everything it had to offer. You went to every show, board meeting, and kept your focus on learning how the business was run.  With retirement around the corner, your parents very naturally started to give you more control of the company. They were transitioning you into the full-time over and representative in their absence. And though it had been stressful at first, time and patience made it all a bit easier. Everyone that worked at the fashion house gave you time, and for that, you were grateful. You still had a lot to learn, but with your parents' excitement with their newest line, you knew that you had no choice but to make sure that it did well.

Today was filled to the brim with work, much like your schedule had been for the last few months. You were to oversee the photoshoot for the new line, so that morning, bright and early, you drove out to the studio, meeting the rest of your staff in the large open building. You worked with the stylists to organize the clothes in an easy to access manner. You talked with the makeup artists about which looks would suit the different moods and styles of the wardrobe pieces. You coordinated with Jinhee, the lead for this line, making sure that you had each checked off everything on your list. She was in high spirits today, and you couldn't help but chuckle at her eagerness.

The entire time that Jinhee had been working on this line, she had a model in mind that she wanted to represent it. She was never forthcoming with his name, but this was something that you had all grown accustomed to. She didn't want to ruin the surprise for anyone because, to her, the model was such a big part of making the line come together, and she wanted everyone to properly experience that. What she had said about him was that he wasn't a model by trade. He was someone that worked in the entertainment industry and had a knack for photographing well. Many magazines had asked him to be a part of their issue, and each photoshoot turned out better than the last. So, when the model walked arrived, you weren't sure exactly what to expect.

Well, you knew one thing you weren't anticipating. You hadn't suspected that it would be Sehun.

As one of your interns gave him a tour of the set, blushing like mad whenever he would throw her a smile, you couldn't help but realize how strangely life worked. It almost felt like a twisted form of fate to bring the two of you together like this. Even though it was for a work function, it still felt very surreal. You hadn't seen Sehun in years. Life had picked up so quickly that the last time the two of you met up was about a month after you reunited at his concert. But it wasn't just you that got busy. It was also Sehun.

From what the news and Baekhyun told you, the single that Sehun had mentioned was in the works when the two of you last met was the one that shot them to stardom. It didn't make waves on its initial release, but the more that people heard it, the more interest the band garnered. Within a month, the song topped the charts for multiple weeks on end, a feat that had been difficult for many artists in recent years. Sehun and the band started to get more recognition. They ended up doing lots of interviews and television appearances. Their schedule got so packed that even Baekhyun had a hard time meeting up with them. The two of you lamented about how the job of a celebrity must have been hard. Still, you knew that, no matter what, Sehun would always keep in contact with Baekhyun, even if it was just a simple text.

You would also send Sehun a message from time to time, though you rarely expected an answer, unlike your friend. Granted, your words were usually congratulatory, messages of excitement when a new album or tour was announced. Sehun's answers in reply were always rather simple, typically a 'thank you' or something along those lines. He would do the same for you, mostly if he saw good things about your company in the headlines, about how innovative it was or how well it was doing. The two of you would sometimes chat after that, filling the void, but it never got personal. It was strange to think that, at one point, you were in love.

But now, you were just acquaintances. Ones that would check in on each other from time to time. It definitely made Baekhyun's life easier, not having to dance around when he talked about the two of you. Still, there was something rather... bittersweet about it.

You had been so busy running around, making sure that everything was in place, that you didn't get a chance to properly greet Sehun at first. It wasn't until your intern brought him over to meet the team that the two of you finally met. Everyone happily greeted him, lamenting on his handsome features. You knew that he couldn't show it, but the way that his eyes locked on your own, you knew that he was surprised to see you. Still, he politely greeted everyone, and you did the same, inviting him to sit and relax for a bit while you worked with the team on the finishing touches.

Overall, the photoshoot went rather well. It was outfit after outfit, lighting change after lighting change, and makeup touchups, but every time you studied the monitor or watched the live shoot in front of you, you had to admit that Jinhee was right. Sehun really did fit this type of styling. Granted, you were sure that Sehun could pull off anything, as he was the type that always made what he wore seem comfortable and fitting to him, this particular set of colors, combined with this strong features, completed the look. He really suited the vibe that the higherups were looking for from this line, and you were relieved. The slight awkwardness for you was well worth the results, in your opinion.

As everyone prepared for the next set of outfits, your eyes wandered around, making sure that everything was proceeding as expected. Your eyes eventually landed on one of your stylists as she helped Sehun into his next outfit. Yet, something about it felt... off. Slowly, you left your spot behind the monitors and approached them, the issue catching your eye immediately.

"Hyerin, this type of shirt doesn't lie quite like that," you told her, the young woman jumping slightly when she heard your voice. You apologized for scaring her before you proceeded to direct her on how to adjust the fabric. However, instead of doing what you suggested, she moved out of the way instead, leaving you to pick up the material and fix it yourself. Though, as you worked, you never focused on the person in front of you, only on the clothes.

"It's more like this," you told her, demonstrating how the cloth should lie. "The style is more open, so you want to make sure that it sits comfortably on the model's shoulders," you instructed. You saw Hyerin nod, thanking you before she excused herself to get the next outfit ready. You continued to fiddle with the fabric for a bit longer, making sure that it suited the style you were looking for. Once you finished, you turned to head back to the monitors, when the male in front of you finally spoke.

"I didn't expect to see you today. I had no idea that you were directing photoshoots now," Sehun stated. His words managed to stop you from walking away, and inwardly he was glad. This was the first time in years that you were in front of him again, and everything in his being told him to keep you there, to keep you talking.

"Well, I've been promoted a couple of times since we last met up. The upside is that I have more say in everything now. The obvious downside is the responsibilities and the lack of sleep," you joked, wanting to keep it light between the two of you. Yet, you also knew that you needed to address the obvious elephant in the room, as well. "By the way, I'm sorry if this is a bit uncomfortable for you. Jinhee never disclosed the name of the model she wanted for this photoshoot. I never would have known that you would be the one to show up, or else I would have asked for someone else to direct..."

Gently, Sehun shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I'm actually not uncomfortable at all. We did decide to put all of that behind us, didn't we?" he inquired, seeing that small smile cross your features as you gave him a nod. "Actually, if I'm, to be honest, I'm glad you're here. It's good to see you, and your presence has helped to ease my nerves..."

At that moment, you dared to look up at him, your eyes looking into his, getting lost in those gentle dark orbs you used to love so much. As much as you were a source of calm for Sehun, he had been the same for you. Honestly, no photoshoot you had ever directed had gone as smoothly as today's had, and though you didn't want to admit it at first, Sehun definitely was a factor in it.

"It's nice to see you as well," you told him earnestly. There was more that you wanted to say, but when the photographer announcing that he was ready for the next set of shots, it cut you off before you could. "Keep up the good work, okay?" you told him, before running back to your previous position, picking up your things and getting right back to work.

"I... I missed you..." Sehun murmured to himself, the words that he wanted to speak to you directly, but wasn't able to. It annoyed him that he didn't just say them, but he knew that there were other things to focus on at the moment, and that was not one fo them. Instead, he moved back under the bright lights, going straight to work, in front of the cameras that he had grown accustomed to.

After the two of you met up again, having made amends for the past, it became painfully apparent to Sehun that he missed having you in his life. At first, he had thought it was just a fleeting feeling, a strong sense of nostalgia at your presence, but as the weeks and then months passed, he knew it was more than that. There were days, after long hours of practice that he longed for your comforting and supportive aura, that presence that used to calm him when things were difficult. He missed that beautiful smile you would give him and the way it would light up the room around you. He missed your encouraging words, the ones that would lift his spirits and make the days more comfortable. Sehun knew that all of these small things, these things that he used to love about you, were things that he wanted in his life again.

For a long time, he told himself that they were things that he could no longer have. He convinced himself that he had broken the relationship beyond repair. Instead, he found solace in your little congratulatory messages and the light conversation that would follow. Yet, he wanted more. He craved for more conversation, for more interactions, and eventually, he threw his pride aside and asked Baekhyun about how you were doing. What he hadn't expected his friend to tell him was that you moved on, that you had started to date again.

It wasn't something that surprised Sehun, and he knew that it was bound to happen. He wanted you to be happy to find someone that made you happy. It just pained him that he might not be able to be that person for you anymore. He found himself interacting with you less, trying to still the pain of his own heart. Work became his best distraction, and he stopped hoping that anything would change between the two of you.

Seeing you today, though it was a surprise, also brought some of those feelings to the surface again. Sehun knew where he was, and that, as professionals, you both had a job to do. But still... he wondered... if maybe...

The remainder of the shoot went smoothly. There weren't too many lighting changes or even makeup changes for the rest of the day. A majority of it was just getting Sehun in and out of the remaining outfits, something that the stylists could handle on their own. You continued to monitor from a distance, only piping up if something felt off. In the early evening was when the photoshoot finally came to an end. You thanked everyone for all of their hard work in making this line look and feel as amazing as it did before you all started to pack up for the day. You helped sort through the clothes, making sure that they were put in the correct boxes while your photographer and his team packed away all of their lights.

As people shuffled around the noise level at its highest for the day, you almost didn't notice the older man approaching you. It was Sehun's manager, and the moment that he got your attention, he asked if you would have a minute to speak with Sehun later. It seemed like your old acquaintance wanted to see you. In turn, you asked if it would be possible to meet with Sehun after your staff had left, and the man agreed, going to relay the information to his charge.

Once everything was accounted for and neatly stowed away, you helped your team move everything out to the vans that were parked outside. They informed you that they would be able to get everything back to the studio on their own, and you thanked them. When all of the cars were gone, you made your way back into the building, the space larger now that it was emptied out. You heard the sound of footsteps approaching the room as a familiar and tall figure entered, giving you a small wave. Sehun arrived without his manager in tow, and you could only imagine that he was downstairs, waiting for the artist.

"So, why did you want to talk to me in private?" you asked softly.

"I figured that you wouldn't want the people you worked with to gossip, so I thought this would be better. It is a private matter at all, between us," he replied, seeing you gently nod. Both of you were aware of the damage that could be done if rumors started flying. You may have been in a relationship before, but it wasn't well-known by anyone. Something like that coming out could be detrimental to both him and you... mainly if people went digging for information.  

Still, now that he was given this time alone with you, he wasn't too sure how to proceed. What were the proper words to use in this situation? Maybe, he just needed to say it. "Earlier... I wanted to say that I missed you."

Everything that Sehun had to say lately felt like it surprised you, though you tried not to let it read on your features. There was a time when you had also missed his presence. Over the years, you decided not to depend on that old feeling too much. You had tried to move on, but you couldn't deny that he had been a big part of your life, and that, sometimes, you would miss him too. You just never thought that he'd admit that, given how things had gone before.

"I... I feel the same sometimes," you confessed, seeing that bit of surprise flicker across his features.

"I guess... I guess that's a natural feeling for both of us. That sometimes, it could be weird not having the other around," he explained, watching you nod. "It feels like something is... missing, right?"

You nodded. Sehun was hitting the nail right on the head, but you weren't entirely sure where he was going with this, and you wanted to know. You wanted him to make a move.

"I know that we can't be who we were before, but I miss your companionship. We said we would make amends, and we've started to, but I would like to try harder. I would like for us to be able to confide in each other again. I know that pain doesn't expire, and I'm not saying that we just throw all of that out the window, but I... I miss having you around as a friend. The guys are great, but they don't understand me like you do..."

It was apparent from his words that Sehun shared your sentiments. You, too, had missed the comfort and safety that he used to provide for you. Before, it wasn't just Baekhyun that you could run to, but Sehun too. Often, you would even feel more comfortable speaking to Sehun about things than Baekhyun. Maybe having that back... it would be nice. It was better than hiding those troubles away from the world.

"It's going to be strange and awkward, you know. Going back to being friends... there's obvious damage that's been done," you pointed out.

"I'm well aware. But I think, because we're aware of it, we won't try to push it if it doesn't feel right," Sehun added. "Plus, don't you think it would make Baek happy? You know, getting to spend time with the both of us, and not having to have split custody?"

You scoffed. "You know how I feel about Baek, Sehun. I have a soft spot for him. You can't go using him against me..."

"Unfortunately, Baek is the only card I have to play. After all, you're his ride or die," he teased, a gentle smile lining his features.

The silence grew between the two of you, and you were the first to speak up after giving it some thought. "Then let's give it a try. For old time's sake."

With that confirmation, Sehun gave you a small nod and a smile. As he saw you off that night, Sehun felt the void in his heart filled. Though he didn't know how to express it, having you back in his life, even as a friend, made him whole again...

[hmorris0712]

“am i your wallpaper?” “you weren’t supposed to see that” (tyler joseph x reader)

your p.o.v.

you hurry down the stairs of the hotel complex, along with many other people. you need to get out of the enclosed space as quickly as possible before it happens. being claustrophobic in this situation isn’t the best. it’s strange, but your anxiety is only ever triggered by situations like these. and right now it’s only getting worse. first it was the fire across the hall from your room, now all the people. you take deep breaths and focus on the number of flights that are left.

only four. that’s not too bad.

you feel your heart rate spike suddenly as a group of people shove past you, slamming you into the wall. more people push behind them, forcing you to stay in your spot. now you’re really trapped. your breathing speeds up significantly and comes out in short, ragged breaths. you become aware of this and try to slow them down, although it’s hard to do when the pressure of the people around you are giving you no space. some have started to notice the state you’re in, and half of them respect you and try to give you some space, while the others choose to ignore you as if they hadn’t even seen you in the first place.

you clutch your notebook to your chest as you briefly close your eyes and breathe in, trying your best to calm yourself down at least a little. you left all your belongings in your unit except for your phone, your notebook, and your wallet. you can’t go practically anywhere without the three items being in your reach. you open your eyes and realize that there are only two more flights of stairs left. you let out a sigh of relief and start walking down a little faster.

three people suddenly squish right up against you, and for about ten seconds you’re fine, but then it hits you that they’re not leaving anytime soon. and it happens again. your breathing speeds up, your vision blurs a bit, you lose your balance for a second, and then it all eases away. but only for a minute. it all slowly comes back eventually.

when there’s only one more flight left, someone runs into you from behind, causing your notebook to fall out of your hands. you catch a glimpse of it as it falls to the ground and gets trampled on by the multitude of people. tears prick your eyes as you get pushed further and further away from the most important thing you’ve ever owned.

the tears are now clouding your eyes as you force yourself to turn back around and leave it behind, there’s no way you’d be getting it back. the people are too strong, and you’re not about to go push against them. that’s straight up suicide.

the door opens and the fresh air hits you like a truck on the freeway. why is it so windy? you cover your face as a couple tears trickle down your face. that notebook was everything to you. you’d had it for years. you wrote everything down in it. everything. you write songs, poetry, journal entries, vents and rants, and now it’s gone.

all of it.

“excuse me, is this your notebook?” a voice asks. a very beautiful sounding voice at that, too. you look up to see who the voice belongs too, and you completely freeze.

it’s tyler joseph. the lead singer of your favorite band.

no, it can’t be. surely he can’t be in california at this moment right now, at the same hotel as you, can he?

you wipe your tears away. “oh my god...um, yeah it is, oh my gosh thank you so much. really. this notebook means a lot to me.” you reply as he puts it in your hands with a smile. once it’s secure in your hold, he offers a hand for you to shake. “i’m tyler.” he says. holy crap it really is him.

“i-i know.” you say, laughing and wiping the remainders of your tears away. “i’m (y/n).” you say, offering a small smile. “you inspired most of what’s in here.” you gesture to your notebook. you can’t exactly read the look on his face, but if you had to guess, you’d say he looks...honored? no, not honored.

worth. tyler feels like he’s worth something for the first time in a while.

“good thing i stopped to pick it up then.” he says with a warm smile, a little color becoming visible in his cheeks. you smile back as you hear a voice projected through a megaphone. “can i have everyone’s attention please? the firemen will be here soon to put out the fire. once it’s out, it will be about another hour before you guys can go back in. we’re just taking precautions for your safety. thank you.”

you sigh, quickly pulling out your phone to check the time. “am i your wallpaper?” tyler asks with a smirk, eyeing you slyly. your eyes widen as you immediately shove your phone back into your pocket. “uh- you weren’t supposed to see that.” you say nonchalantly, trying to cover up your embarrassment.

he laughs quietly, yet still loud enough for you to hear. you grown and throw your head back. “i lost a bet with one of my friends.” you shrug with a smile that you try to make look convincing, but he raises an eyebrow as his smirk never leaves his adorably smug face.

“nice try shorty, but i can see right through you.” he replies. your mouth drops, but you quickly close it and try to brush it off. “what do you mean?” you cross your arms over your chest and try to summon up a tough demeanor.

he pulls out his car keys and twirls them around his fingers. “i’ll tell you over some tacos. c’mon, the guy says we won’t be allowed back inside for a while now. plus it’s lunch time anyway.” he says as he starts walking off, beckoning you to follow.

“w- tyler wait, you can’t just-” you start as you walk after him. he looks back briefly. “nope. too late. you’re already following me.” he states with a smirk. you almost stop. almost. you open your mouth to protest a second time, but not having any words to say, shut it again.

he tosses his keys into the air and catches them, pressing the button to unlock his car. he swings the door to the driver’s side of the car. but before he hops in, he stops. “consider it a date.” he closes his door and puts his seatbelt on.

your mind comes to a halt at his words. “wh- a date? tyler i just met you!” you exclaim confusedly as you close the car door after you. tyler puts his key into the ignition. “relax, not all dates are for people who are already in a relationship.” he reassures as he turns the air on. “some people go on dates to get to know each other.” he pauses and laughs briefly before continuing. “yeah no, i’m not gonna make you my girlfriend after i just met you.” he smiles over at you briefly, lighting up the whole car. you smile in return.

“maybe eventually though.” he mutters to himself, turning on the radio. “what?” you turn your head over to him. “what?” he replies cluelessly. “didn’t you say something?” “nope. not a word.” he places his hands on the wheel. you furrow your eyebrows. “i could’ve sworn you said something.” he shrugs. “must’ve been the wind.” he answers, flipping through the stations till he finds one he likes.

you look at him for a little longer. nice try. we can’t hear the wind from in here. you think towards him, a small smirk momentarily taking its place on your face.

tyler quickly adjusts his rear view mirror. “so, how many of our songs do you know?” he asks, changing the subject. “all of them.” you say without hesitation.

he quirks an eyebrow as he turns the wheel and backs out of the parking space. “all of them huh? like all the albums, you know all the words and everything?” “yep.”

tyler looks over at you for a moment. “have you- do you know about my album?” he asks curiously. “no phun intended? i’ve only heard the name spoken and seen it floating around. never had the time to listen to the songs though.” you reply. he looks a little...relieved.

“well, if you ever do wanna give it a listen, i have a copy back at my parents’ house that i could give to you. just give me a call.” he says with a small smile.

“well, as much fun as that sounds, i don’t have your number. so that’s kinda hard to do.” you look over at him with a smirk. you watch as he slowly realizes what you’re hinting at.

he sighs dramatically. “well i guess i could give it to you...” he trails off with a shrug. you let out a quiet laugh. “oh no, i don’t wanna be pushy-” “no, i insist.” he finishes. you smile in return.

“tyler why are you in la? not to sound like a stalker, but don’t you live in columbus?” you ask. he laughs. “that’s not stalker-like, i’m pretty sure most of our fans know where i live.” he jokes. “anyway, we- uh,” he stops talking. “crap.” he whispers. you raise an eyebrow at him.

he sighs. “i shouldn’t be telling you this right now, but uh, josh and i are filming a music video.” you stare at him, eyes and mouth wide open. “shut. UP.” he smiles. “yeah. we found out it was being filmed in la, perfect for josh since has his own place. i, however, do not. so i asked him where i could stay, assuming he would say i could stay with him, but instead he said, ‘there are some really nice hotels’. like geez, guess i’m not important enough for you to share your house with me.” he says, pretending to be hurt.

you nod along as he explains, but you’re really only on the fact that there’s gonna be a new music video. tyler can’t help but smile at your excitement. at you. your bubbly laugh, your happy expression, your enchanting personality...he’s drawn in by it all.

“which song is it for?” you ask eagerly. “if i tell you, you cannot tell anyone alright? no one. not a single soul-” “i won’t, please just tell me!!” you beg him. he chuckles lightly. “alright, alright. it’s for heathens.” he says nonchalantly. “oh my god i love that song.” you tell him with wide eyes, full of energy.

“really? even though it’s overplayed?” he asks, a little thrown off by what you said. “oh for sure. i turn it up each time it comes on the radio.” you reply. coincidentally, the song starts playing on the station tyler had switched to earlier. you laugh a little as you turn up the volume and start singing along.

tyler sighs and rolls his eyes before focusing them back on the road. after a little bit, you turn to him. “so did you already shoot the video, or...?” “sort of. we shot most of it yesterday, we’re gonna finish it tonight, and then we’re leaving tomorrow. it’s turned out really great so far, i look amazing in it. i think you’re really gonna love it.” he winks at you.

you roll your eyes. “fun fact, i’m actually a josh stan.” you try to play off. he bursts out laughing. “yeah right, your phone begs to differ.” “it was a bet!” you argue. “you’re also a terrible liar.” he counters quickly, looking behind him as he backs into a parking spot. your mouth opens. “how so?” you ask, leaning your elbow on the console between the two of you. he turns off the car and copies your actions exactly, looking you right in the eyes. your heart flutters and you suddenly feel intimidated under his intense gaze, his eyes burning into yours.

“would you believe me if i said i can always tell when people are lying?” he says, just above a whisper. your heart rate speeds up at the sound of his voice and at how dangerously close his face is to yours. you take in a deep breath. “nope.” you say, your eyes still on his. a small smirk creeps onto his lips at your reaction.

“well, i can.” he says, voice back on a normal volume level. he chuckles quietly as he gets out of the car. you sit there for a moment and replay what he just did. that boy knows exactly what he’s doing and you hate it.

your body jerks and your head snaps to the right as your door is suddenly opened. you look up to see tyler standing outside your door. “you planning on joining me or you just gonna sit in here while i eat?” he says, and you don’t think that smirk ever left his face. and by the looks of it, it’s not leaving anytime soon either.

you shake your head as you climb out of the car. “wouldn’t want you to be lonely.” tyler smiles. “tyler stan.” he mumbles under his breath, eyeing you. “i’m not a tyler stan.” you say back to him. “whatever you say (y/n). but my lane is superior and you know that.” “is not.” “how come you’re in it then?” “i’m not, i go where i want to.” tyler almost laughs at your reference. “which is my lane.” “nope.” “c’mon, we both know it’s calling you.” “oh really? too bad i’m deaf.”

“ouch.” tyler says as he holds open the door for you. you laugh as you walk into the building. you hadn’t paid attention to where the two of you arrived, so when you look up and saw the menu for taco bell, you sigh. “of course we’re at taco bell.” you side eye him. he smiles. “i’m assuming you’ve heard the infamous saga about this place then.” “sadly, yes.” “wh- sadly? i personally think that song’s a banger.” he brags.

you hold back a laugh. “have you even heard the song? tyler the voices are horrible, yours is the only decent one in that song.” you say, cringing a little. “i’m touched, really. but we’re here for food, not to discuss a song i made when i was seventeen.” he says as he steps forward to the counter.

you look at the menu as tyler takes his order. once he finishes, you order yourself two tacos. you start getting your money out to pay the cashier, but tyler hands the guy his card before you can get all your cash in your hand.

“wh-” you start, but he smiles over at you, so you shut your mouth and accept his generosity. “why’d you pay? i have enough money.” you tell him as the two of you find a table to sit at.

he shrugs. “because.” “that’s not an answer tyler.” “fine. because i felt like it.” “that’s not a good answer.” “yes but that’s my answer.” he protests. you sigh as you deadpan him. he smirks. “why don’t you sit down dear? it’ll be a few minutes till our food gets here.” he says, gesturing towards your chair, smirk never leaving his face.

you roll your eyes as you take your seat. you rest your chin in your hand and lean forward, looking at tyler. after a few seconds, he does the same. he smiles a little and you try to fight off the heat rushing to your cheeks.

“you’re not nice enough to be a josh stan.” he says. you raise your eyebrows at him. he shrugs it off. “all the josh stans are extremely nice to me, every single one of them. all my stans roast me and call me trash.” “what, are you saying you’re not trash?” “are you saying i am?” “well no, but you do dress like it.” you reply. “see, you’re just proving my point.” he gestures to nowhere in specific. “well who says i’m not in mark’s lane?” “mark doesn’t even have a lane.” “mmm, i don’t know, you should check instagram, man. people have fan accounts for him.” you say, shrugging. he opens his mouth, but shuts it quickly.

“that’s...unrelated. anyway- oh, thank you.” the waiter comes up with your food. tyler unwraps one of his tacos and takes a bite, chewing it for a few seconds. “anyway-” he starts, mouth still half full of food. “my point is, you’ve obviously always been in my lane, the signs all point to the truth.” he shrugs. your eyes narrow as you grab a taco from the table.

you sigh. “pretty boy.” you mutter under your breath before taking another bite. “what was that?” tyler asks. you move the food to the side of your mouth so you can speak somewhat clearly. “what was what?” “thought i heard you say something.” you smirk and swallow the remaining food in your mouth. “must’ve been the wind.” you repeat the phrase he said earlier.

tyler stops mid chew. “did you seriously jus-” “soooo how’s your day been tyler?” you shift topics before he can finish his sentence. he smiles and shakes his head. “pretty crumby actually, ‘til about half an hour ago.” you raise your eyebrows. “oh really? how so?”

“well first off, i’m paying money to stay in an expensive hotel instead of being given the luxury of staying with my best friend for free.” you nod. “oh no, it gets worse.” he explains. “next, said expensive hotel suddenly catches on fire somewhere, God knows how, and we have to evacuate.” “yeah, that can be annoying.” you add.

“mhm, tell me about it.” he takes another bite of his taco. after a few seconds, he continues. “but, then i found this notebook on the ground in the stairwell and thought, ‘i should probably return this to who it belongs to’. so, i followed my conscience and gave it back to the girl who dropped it.”

“turns out she’s a pretty cool girl and i really like her. so i took her to my go-to restaurant-” “i don’t exactly consider this a ‘restaurant’.” “well it is, deal with what already is. anyway, i took her to my go-to restaurant and now i’m telling her about my day.” he finishes, gesturing towards you.

you smile. “sounds like a pretty eventful day.” “oh it is. just wish i wasn’t having to stay at a freaking hotel.” he takes a sip of water the waiter brought by a little before he brought your actual food.

“freakin’ josh.” he mumbles as he wipes away the little bit of water that got on his mouth with his hand. “i’m sure he didn’t intend to offend you though.” “oh i know he didn’t, he’s josh. he’d never hurt a fly.” you snicker at the obvious truth. “like he could hurt a fly, but he’s too nice to. knowing josh, he’d probably catch it instead and let it back outside telling it that it’s free.” “i can see that image so clearly it’s kinda scary.” you say.

tyler laughs. “well, i see things like it every day. it’s far from scary.”

the next about 45 minutes were spent with tyler asking you the basic, yet specific questions about your life. you asked him a few as well, because, obviously, you didn’t know everything about him.

he seemed genuinely intrigued in what you had to say, what your childhood was like, where you went to college, things like that. he was very different from other guys you’ve interacted with over the years. you’d dated a couple guys in high school, and neither one of them ever really cared about things you would bring up from your past. they were only interested in current you in that moment. and they never paid attention to how you were feeling either. kinda like they only liked you for your looks. shallow.

it disgusted you. after them, you were convinced all guys were like that. but tyler is a completely different story. he’ll listen to you like you’re the last song left in the world.

as the two of you are walking back to his car, tyler’s phone goes off. he looks at it briefly and smiles. “it’s josh, can i take it real quick?” he explains. you smile at the fact that he’s asking your permission to answer a phone call from his best friend. “sure.”

he answers, bringing the phone to his ear. “what’s up man........thirty minutes? seriously?........uhh no, no it’s not a problem, i’m just with someone right now is all........yes it’s a girl josh........no, she’s not my- you know what, i’ll tell you later........yep, seeya dude.”

tyler puts his phone back with a sigh, shaking his head a few times. “apparently we’re gonna finish shooting in thirty minutes. talk about last minute, gosh.”

you say nothing, only looking at him with a small smirk. he notices your silence and looks over with a slightly confused expression. “what?” “i’m not your what?” you ask him slyly. “oh uh, josh is always wanting to be ‘in the know’ about my love life, so he...he thought you were my girlfriend.” he says quietly, avoiding all eye contact with you.

you raise both your eyebrows now. “oh, so i’m part of your love life now, huh? i thought you said people go on dates just to get to know each other.” you ask him with a smirk. he quickly looks down, hiding the blush that’s rapidly covering his cheeks. “i never said anything related to dating.” “but you did-” “that was the wind, (y/n).” he says, still too shy to meet your eyes.

“you’re ridiculous you know.”

“thanks, i think i picked it up from you.”

••end••

[hmel78]

In conversation with Matt Page ...

DREAM THE ELECTRIC SLEEP

In my experiences of ‘new’ music, it’s particularly rare these days to come across an album that makes you stop what you’re doing and listen, just listen; and then listen, and listen again ... This year it has happened to me twice! Whilst not ‘new’ in terms of their formation, Kentucky (USA!) based 3-piece, Matt Page (vocals/guitar), Joey Waters (drums), and Chris Tackett (bass)  - collectively known as ‘DREAM THE ELECTRIC SLEEP’ - are indeed new to the European scene, and what a mark they have made on it with their latest release “BENEATH THE DARK WIDE SKY”. The proof is in the listening!

There’s not a huge amount that we can tell you about these guys that isn’t included in the conversation below, so here’s what went down when I caught up with Matt Page recently ... HR :  Is a “Prog” band from Lexington, Kentucky, something of a rarity?

MP : Yes! We are like a fish out of water in Kentucky! We never actually set out to be a “prog” band, we just wanted to write music that challenged us creatively as well as the listener. There are no doubt prog powerhouse bands like Rush, Pink Floyd and Genesis who have influenced us, but we also love things way outside the bounds of prog. Of course maybe that is why we fit in with the progressive community. It has been a welcoming space for us where we can write the way we want and have an audience that wants to consider those aesthetic decisions.

HR : Who was the founding member, or was it a unanimous decision amongst the 3 of you to form the band?

MP : Joey and I are cousins and we started to play together 20 years ago at the age of 16. We had various projects over the years but things really clicked when we started playing with Chris. He was in a band called Chum when we were younger and Joey and I loved them. We heard he was moving to Lexington and was looking for a band. We reached out and he liked what we were doing so we started playing together. After about a year of writing new material with him (which turned into our first album “Lost and Gone Forever”) we formed ‘Dream the Electric Sleep’.

HR : You’ve been together for a few years now - how difficult has the road been from 2009, to here in 2016 and the release of your 3rd album “Beneath The Dark Wide Sky”?

MP : In terms of our creative path, it has been exhilarating! We have all grown together and reached for the best of what we are capable of.   I am always excited to get in a rehearsal room with Chris and Joey to see what comes.

From a music business and music culture perspective it has been a difficult and lonely road for sure. The music business is a shell of what it used to be. There is a new, wobbly and often-predatory infrastructure that feeds on the dreams of millions of artists who are more than willing to give their time, labour, energy, heart, and soul for free, often losing a lot money in the process. The old music business was brutal for artists but at least there was a structure in place that took risks and funded and developed artists careers. Of course the artists mostly got a raw deal financially speaking. Now the music business is brutal for different reasons. There is a scarcity of resources and everyone involved; labels, agents, managers, bands, clubs, etc are scrambling to stay afloat and keep things moving. I do realize it is easier and cheaper for a band to record an album now and there are so many more ways to connect with fans. The problem is that that it is very difficult to come out on the positive side financially. We have spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to walk the line between being a completely DIY band and a band looking for creative partners to work with. I think we have finally found a kind of balance and have a solid foundation to build from, but it has taken the last 7 years to make that happen!

HR : You looked for a little help outside the band for this release, and it eventually came in the form of producer Nick Raskulinecz (Rush, Foo Fighters ..) - did you end up with the record you envisaged when you cut the demo’s, or is it completely different?

MP : The first day we met Nick it felt like we had known him for years. There is no pretence with Nick. It is all about the work, about digging in together, solving problems, asking questions, trying new things, and really collaborating on making an album. It just didn’t feel like working with a big producer, it felt like working with a master craftsman who was also a partner and friend. He was a pleasure to work with on all fronts. We stayed pretty close to the demos on most songs but Nick did help us refine the overall vision for the album. Some songs we added parts and others we edited parts out. The final album came out better than we actually originally envisioned which was thrilling for us. I remember hearing the final cut of “Headlights” for the first time with Joey and after it was over Joey and both teared up a little. We worked for 20 years to hear our song come out like that and it was overwhelming.

HR : I listen to a lot of new music, but it’s honestly one of only two albums I’ve heard this year that have really made me sit tight and listen - would you care to tell our readers a little more about what they can expect to hear?  

MP : Wow! That is so great to hear!

Like our previous albums, it is thematic and each song fits on the album in an intentional spot so it is an album that works best as a whole in my opinion. I also hope a listener can just listen to the songs as individual works that stand on their own.

I would say that listeners can expect something cinematic sounding. I have always wanted to make films, but these albums really scratch that itch for me so I think I am trying to overlay one desire over another and that is part of the soundscape listeners might pick up on.

HR : There’s a great balance of instrumental and ‘songs’  - who is the main lyricist, and where does the inspiration come from?

MP : I write all the lyrics for the band, and on this album, I was looking at a specific photograph for each song as a starting point. Writing lyrics is a lot like creating a collage. They are small snippets stitched together and overlaid on a musical canvas. The lyrics often shape the way we feel about the sounds and the sounds shape the way the lyrics work. It is really a fascinating process!

I wrote a short synopsis for the album to help explain the overall themes:

“Beneath the Dark Wide Sky” is inspired by photographs taken of the Dust Bowl in the 1930’s by American photographer Dorothea Lange. Lange worked for the United States Works Progress Admiration and hoped her photographs could be used to educate the masses (via photo essays in major news publications and magazines) to the poverty and desperate living conditions of thousands of farming families and migratory workers who lived and worked in the drought-struck American Great Plains. Lange believed photographs had the ability to shine an objective light on issues of social justice and environmental degradation and could be used to persuade and motivate social and political change.

Much of what motivated Dorothea Lange motivates me as the lyricist of the band. How does art inform the way we understand the world we live in and can it motivate us to challenge and change our assumptions? I am not sure there is an easy correlation, but I am very interested in those who try to bridge the gap between art and life.

HR : The album is being released in the USA, and also here in Europe - are there any plans to tour? What would be your ideal schedule - anywhere in the world that you would love to play?

MP : We are really focused on doing a European tour right now and we hope we can make it over this fall. The rock/prog scene is very receptive to the work we do in Europe and we want to be a part of that movement. The US has been OK for us, but it is a huge, disparate market and it is very difficult to find or create an underground movement. We also live in a large state with a small population making it even more difficult to create that synergy.

HR : If you now get a major success for DTES, will you be happy to remain in Lexington?

MP : Yes. The world is so much closer thanks to the internet and it is so much easier to stay in touch with our supporters. Being in Kentucky isn’t ideal for live shows, but as a band we have built a process and structure that supports our creative endeavours and to move that would be very difficult. We think we can find a way to tour more and reach out in that way.

HR : One last question  - I must admit, at first glance, I read “Sleep” as “Sheep”, and my tiny brain fizzed! Who came up with the name of the band, and have you noticed whether or not you’ve coincidentally picked up an influx of Bladerunner fans?

MP : We are used to Sleep and Sheep getting mixed up! It happens more than you might think …

It is funny.

The name doesn’t mean something specific, but rather tries to paint a mood. We had long lists of words we liked and begin putting them together. We put Dream the Electric Sleep together and it sounded like what we wanted to sound like and that is a big reason we went with it. It is open, mysterious and dynamic sounding to us.

We always get asked about Blade Runner, which I think is fine because it is an iconic film that adds to the imagery of the band name, but I can’t say I have noticed a direct crossover.

[stylinsonlibrary]

FASHION AU FIC REC: fics where Louis, Harry, or both are involved in the fashion industry in some capacity.

Just For Me (9k) Harry is a supermodel with a fake boyfriend. Louis is the captain and star forward of Manchester United with a fake girlfriend. They should have no problem having a completely platonic lunch between friends.

(They do.)

i'm stuck to your shoe, let's run (9k) Louis hates his job and Harry really lives up to his last name. (or, Louis sells men’s shoes, Harry is a rather famous fashion blogger, and they’re brought together by a gaudy pair of boots.)

Just Walk My Way (10k) Louis is a Victoria's Secret Angel, and Harry is the main act of the night.

Paper Houses (11k) “Who is that?” He hisses.

Zayn holds up a hand to stop Louis from speaking any further.

The voice on the other end of the phone continues. “Then, he saw a photo of him on Insta with his little sister and brother, and he was so gone, dude. He basically demanded that I find Louis for him! And he’s never demanded anything from me ever !”

“Pshhhh, Louis’ been jerking off to Harry for years--”

Louis dives from his place on the couch to sprawl across Zayn’s desk, snatching the phone up. There are loud noises coming from the other end of the phone as Louis shouts into it. “Who is this? Zayn has no idea what he’s talking about--”

Someone on the other end has begun shouting into the phone at the same time. “I never demanded anything--” When model Louis Tomlinson admits to having a celebrity crush on a very famous actor in an article in GQ magazine, he has no idea it will lead to anything. He definitely never suspects he will fall so hard and so fast for Harry Styles. When reality begins to interfere, their relationship is put to the test.

Tease (12k) AU. Louis Tomlinson, actor and movie star, is wildly in love with his boyfriend, supermodel Harry Styles. Their relationship is lovely and unlike any Louis has ever had before, which makes the surprise of Harry's newest interest that much more intriguing.

If You Ever Want To Be In Love (12k) Louis is a model. Harry is an up-and-coming singer/songwriter. They haven't seen each other in nearly two years.

You're Either In Or You're Out (12k) Louis' tone is maybe a bit harsher than necessary, but he still stinging from the suggestion that he was staring at Harry. Sure, the way his legs are encased in those skinny jeans is mildly intriguing. But Louis is here to be the next Top Designer, and he'll be damned if he lets a pretty boy with a sinful mouth get in the way of his dream. Especially if that sinful mouth is spewing phrases like bohemian pantsuit. Honestly.

Or the one where Louis tries out for Project Runway, Harry is his stupidly gorgeous competitor, Liam is Tim Gunn, Zayn is the supermodel host, and Niall is the guest judge who knows nothing about fashion.

Overwhelming (13k) He groans and squints at the feet of whoever he’s bumped into. All he sees is a worn pair of tan boots that lead up into a pair of long, long legs. He sits up, sighing, and rubs at his eyes; there’s a hand in front of his face so he grabs it and allows this stranger to help him up.

He blinks once, twice, and can’t believe his bad fucking luck, because of course he slammed his entire body into a pretty stranger. Not only that but—he smells the air once to confirm his suspicions—a pretty, sweet-smelling, alpha stranger. Fantastic.

Pretty stranger opens his mouth. “I didn’t concuss you, did I?”

Louis is an omega attending university to get his degree and most definitely not waste his time with unimportant things such as finding a mate. Harry is the alpha who manages to unwittingly mess up that plan.

More Than Anything (13k) Being able to see through the eyes of your soulmate may seem like a dream come true to many, but reality proves a little more complicated. For two young boys it's all they could ever wish for but as time passes by they come to realise that there's no pain quite the same as longing to have someone who just isn’t there.

Put It All On Me (15k) "Yeah, yeah, give it to me, that's it, spread your legs a bit, there you go."

The camera follows Louis as he does. Maybe if the modelling thing doesn't work out, he could try the porn industry. Then again, he's a bit too stocky to be twinky and a bit too twinky to be anything else. He likes that about himself, though. Well, directors and photographers like that about him. He could pull off pretty and edgy, could do GQ in the morning and a perfume commercial in the afternoon. Right now he thinks he could pull off anything, because it's Harry fucking Styles directing him.

Or, a Top Model AU where Louis is accidentally there to make friends, not become Britain's Next Top Model. (Also Zayn is the supermodel host.)

Found My Missing Piece (16k) “@harrystyles followed you.”

“@harrystyles liked your tweet.”

“What?” He whispers in astonishment, because there’s no way. But he clicks on Harry’s profile and sure enough, the little grey “follows you” appears by his name. After taking a second to just stare at the screen, he quickly takes a screenshot and sends it to his sister. Lottie is one of the few people who would understand his shock. Niall would certainly just make fun of him for it.  

Louis and Harry are both fashion bloggers. Louis' been following Harry for years. Harry and his blog really gave him the confidence and the push to make his own. His sister and best friend have been making fun of his silly little crush on him ever since. But that's all it is, a silly, harmless crush because there is no way Harry knows who he is. Or does he?

swimming in a champagne sea (16k) Louis is a supermodel. Harry is a celebrity photographer known for capturing the brightest up and comers in their most candid moments. They meet at London’s most exclusive New Year’s Eve party.

An alpha/alpha fic filled with confusion, banter, Ubers, and glitter

Make a Dime Go One Hundred (17k) “Hey, Haz,” he says, encouraged in equal parts by the weed and the cocoon they seem to have created around themselves. “Do you think you could trust anyone enough to have full control over you?” he asks into the night, hoping his sentence won’t break their bubble. It doesn’t, if the way Harry’s eyes meet his is any indication.

“What do you mean?” Harry’s voice is barely above a whisper, rough from the singing they had done earlier. Louis wants to keep this memory forever.

“You know, if someone wanted to, uhm,” he coughs, “to tie you up, or blindfold you.”

Friends to Lovers AU: Harry volunteers to help Louis experiment with bondage. Things don’t go exactly to plan.

If You Wanna Try Me On (18k) To be fair, Harry’d been half asleep when Niall convinced him to put in his CV in the first place. Like, Harry wants to be a proper serious journalist--he’s not about to give up that dream in favour of becoming a personal assistant at a fashion magazine, or...whatever. Harry’s not actually all that sure what Tomlinson Styles even is, beyond his ticket to fame or any of the other things Niall’d spouted off at him, but when he shows up for the interview and is unceremoniously shoved into an office with the Tomlinson part of that equation, all Harry can really think about is that he would like to be a Tomlinson-Styles.

...or the Devil Wears Prada AU that no one wanted. Sort of.

Life At Shutter Speed (20k) AU. Having landed a job modelling for an outdoor clothing catalogue, Harry certainly wouldn’t mind doing some extracurricular work for photographer Louis Tomlinson. Say, a private photo session? Yes, please? Good thing that Harry has ten days and three beautiful locations -- Morocco, Indonesia and the Swiss Alps -- to make Louis see just how good they could be.

Three French Hems (20k) In which Louis is a designer at Burberry and Harry spends December wearing Lanvin… and Lanvin… and Lanvin.

you think fashion is your friend, my friend (fashion is danger) (27k) "Louis has one rule, and one rule only, that he simply refuses to break. He forbids himself to be attracted to anyone he might work with. No wanking to models who might wear his clothes! It’s hardly fair, considering he spends 95% of his time working with the most attractive men on the planet, but his career is more important. Besides, in Louis’ experience, it always leads to disaster. Harry Styles makes respecting the rule really damn hard though and Louis is not quite sure why."

the one where Louis is a famous British designer and Harry is the clumsy, most likely straight model that makes his heart race.

sweet, where you lay (27k) Louis Tomlinson is a twenty-eight year old successful actor living in New York. Harry Styles is a twenty year old up and coming model and coincidentally also the one who turns Louis’ world completely upside down.

or, Louis is Zachary Quinto and Harry is Miles McMillan. Falling in love was always in the cards for them.

But Why Wonder, Why Wonder? (30k) The one where Marcel Styles has improbably landed a job in the fashion industry, and Louis Tomlinson is the actor-turned-lingerie-designer he’s been infatuated with for years.

These Constant Stars (31k) Louis’ career has nowhere to go but up. He’s living at the height of New York City on the precipice of an epic promotion. Life is good and only getting better. And then one day, things turn disastrous.

This is a story about life, death, and punk rockers turned guardian angels.

Promises We Made (35k) Its been five years since Harry and Louis broke up; they were seventeen and nineteen and it was messy to say the least. Cue Louis, who is worked off his feet making clothes for celebrities, Harry dropping his debut album, Niall who likes to avoid his insecurities by dragging Louis on Holiday, Zayn and Perrie as Louis' right hand stylists, and Liam who wishes Harry would just tell him about his ex-boyfriends before he contacts them about working for him.

Its either going to be a disaster, or the perfect timing they've all been waiting for.

football/designer (series; 2 works; 39k) Louis Tomlinson is an English fashion designer. Harry Styles is an American football player. 

everywhere (i wanna be with you) (42k) Harry and Louis meet because they have terrible friends, they fall in love because something feels right in a world of uncertainty and shifting grounds. Louis is an actor and Harry is a model at the top of his game, the best things in life are the most unexpected ones and the things that hit you when you are least expecting it.

Featuring winter in London, nights in Paris, early mornings in New York, burning heat in Monte Carlo and an enduring love spent transcending four corners of the globe.

to kill the mess we've made (43k) And when he's finally standing, Liam fussing over him, rubbing his hand at the red mark blooming on Harry's forehead, does Harry learn two things:

One, he wasn't actually hit that hard, and Tommo--or Louis, rather--is just as pretty when Harry is staring at him head-on and,

Two, Louis is the Adidas model he's going to be working with on today's photo shoot.

(or: AU where Harry and Louis are both models, and they decide being friends-with-benefits is a great idea. It isn't.)

Why Can't It Be Like That (63k) Louis Tomlinson, head of his local hospital's charity fund, suddenly finds himself in the heart of the Royal family when his mother marries the third son of the reigning monarch. Such an upset in lifestyle brings a lot of changes for Louis, one of them being the need for a stylist.

Enter Harry Styles, a cutting edge fashion stylist who loves his job and prides himself on his passion. The first time he sees Louis Tomlinson on the cover of a tabloid he wants to dress him, style him, make him as beautiful as Harry knows he could be. When he's hired to do just that, he knows this will be a perfect partnership. That is, until he actually meets the man.

A fashion AU with a royal twist, where Louis doesn't need a stylist, Harry's thrilled to have a real life Barbie doll, and they're both very wrong about each other.

In This Light (99k) Harry is a wardrobe stylist who likes to live in the moment, and Louis is a popstar who looks dreamy in double breasted jackets. Harry never stood a chance.

dusted in gold (series; 2 works; 100k) Harry’s an A-list supermodel, Louis’s his make-up artist boyfriend. They’re something of a dream team.

Dress you up in my love (103k) Harry is single, and more than anything wants to find love. Agreeing to sign up to a dating website was a bad, bad idea. Niall's bad, bad idea. Louis is single, but has no interest in relationships. Or so he tells himself. 

Harry is a lawyer whose boss, Nick, happens to give him a bonus, which he decides to splurge on a new work wardrobe. Louis is a frustrated designer, working as a personal shopper at Selfridges. Louis happens to be working on the day a very beautiful, but out of his depth, new customer ambles into their department in need of advice. Louis might have just found the muse he never knew he was looking for.

Featuring: Sophia as Louis' colleague, with a somewhat unhealthy obsession with his love life, whilst being oblivious when it comes to her own. Liam as the ‘IT bloke from downstairs’ with the mother of all crushes on Sophia. Niall as Harry's sport's writer flatmate who spends most of his time making Harry's life as complicated as possible. Zayn as Louis’ flatmate and lifelong best friend, whose cat, Noodle/Princess/Princess Noodle loves Louis more than it loves him. And Nick as Harry's boss and one of Louis' regular customers: is Imelda Marcos reborn.

In Vogue (121k) 'Is that why David Beckham has been featured multiple times on the pages of your life's work? Does your criteria seriously consist of one thing – a man's ass?'

'Well the ass is a man's best asset,' Harry smirks, holding the Martini glass high up his face. 'And don't call the magazine my life's work. There are far more important things in life, Louis Tomlinson, than what's printed on the pages of a magazine.'

Fashion AU. Louis is the editor in chief of Vogue magazine, and Harry's running British GQ. Featuring Zayn as the crazy creative director and Louis' confidant, Liam as the sports writer that gets to sit front row at fashion week and DJ Neil as the only sane person in the whole story. 

Let's Fall in Love in a Place You Want to Stay (134k) A George of the Jungle / Tarzan AU where Louis is a model who meets Wild Man Harry in the Congo. He was raised by apes and barely speaks a word of English and turns Louis' life upside down.

Have Faith In Me (183k) As the son of Anne Styles, millionaire owner of one of the world's most luxurious fashion labels, Harry has spent his last seventeen years living in carefree extravagance. And now he's grown tired of it, along with the pressure from his mum to follow in her footsteps and the constant care given to him by her past assistants.

When his mum's newest assistant, Louis, moves into the guesthouse, Harry determines to be treated differently. To be treated like an adult. Except Louis is not at all what Harry was expecting...

This is a story about growing up, growing in love and having the faith to make it last.

Fading (202k) Louis knows about beauty; the combination of qualities that pleases the aesthetic senses. He creates that combination every day in the garments he designs while studying fashion at uni. The cut of the design, the color of the fabric, the intricacy of the stitching; it all comes together to create something beautiful. When the science student with the long legs and dimpled smile agrees to model for him, Louis decides he’s found beauty personified. Harry just thinks Louis needs someone to show him how beautiful he is. [Trigger Warning: Eating Disorder]

[hetmusic]

Continuing on our series exploring some experiences relating to British Asian identity and representation in the music industry, we had the pleasure to speak with Helen Ganya Brown, better known by her musician moniker Dog In The Snow. Already, we’ve spoken with musicians Asha Gold and Hilang Child, as well as Managing Director of Killing Moon, Achal Dhillon, so be sure to check those out for more essential opinions and findings of our research.

One of the reasons that we wanted to create this interview series is because last year we launched our companion record label, Bad Key, and after a little bit of brainstorming, we decided that it would be the perfect home to platform British Asian creativity. As the label’s manager Alex Treharne shares, “I started Bad Key in order to platform contemporary sounds from artists across the Asian diaspora in the UK. I want to show that the audience for Asian artists isn’t limited and that you can have multiple Asian artists on your roster without compromising on opportunity. I’m also really passionate when it comes to international audiences, fans are incredibly valuable regardless of their location and yet Asian audiences have been viewed as ‘other’ traditionally in the West. I grew up with a genetic connection to both the UK and Malaysia, and I want to explore that culture blend in all its beauty and complexity through Bad Key.”

Coincidentally, Dog In The Snow also started her radio show Mixed Tapes with the intention of showcasing music from people of colour in the independent music world, which she’s also a part of as a Thai-Scottish artist signed to indie label Bella Union. The weight of Ganya Brown’s frustration comes down to “othering” of certain groups, such as people of colour or British Asians or women, across the industry. Even as we’ve embarked on looking for research and statistics for this series, we quickly came to a halt in being able to access readily available materials, aside from a few useful, but not specific, Guardian articles and the vague bulked-together findings of UK Music’s workforce diversity survey. This lack of nuance and broad statistics has the danger of communicating to British Asian musicians, producers, professionals, venue owners, music journalists etc. that their experience is perceived as invalid or at the very least shoved to the side of what is deemed important by the industry’s decision makers. Surely, many people in this community already feel that way, one of the most out-spoken of whom is Japanese-British pop star Rina Sawayama who has vocalised her experience in several interviews, including Time Out, where she cited a myriad of microaggressions, and in NPR, where she also talks about the lack of Aisan pop artists that could could name or relate to in her early years.

As Simon Frith, Tovey Professor of Music at the University of Edinburgh, so wonderfully outlines in his Live Music Matters paper: “Music is now tied up with people’s sense of self. Listening to music has become a way of laying claim to one’s own physical and emotional space. We therefore make both a new demand on music (to meet our personal needs) and a new commitment to it, as a symbol of our individuality.” While our personal access to music needs to be as diverse and representative as possible, so do group and community events, such as festivals. In a paper studying UK–Asia music business collaborations by Haekyung Um, Senior Lecturer in the Department of Music and the Institute of Popular Music at the University of Liverpool, we are shown that “Live music, place and identity are often inextricably linked to each other, bringing the culture, economy and geography together. For example, live music venues, according to, play a vital role in creating localised place-specific music scenes because these music venues facilitate opportunities for the musicians to connect with one another, with the music industry and with their audiences. These spaces also contribute to the cultural and creative identities of the communities and cities in which they operate.”

While the aforementioned UK Music survey suggests that there is the greatest increase of diversity at entry-level positions, amongst younger groups and for lower-income roles, it’s well recognised that more often than not a white, straight, cis-gender man holds a senior position, is on the highest wage and sees more longevity in their career. As we can read in the survey’s report, “The number of those from a Black, Asian or ethnic minority background decreases as the age of respondents increases, with only 15.7% in the 45-64 bracket coming from a minority background and falling again to 13.6% for the over 65s.” In response to the lack of representation within sectors of the industry that have the greatest influence on our mainstream radio broadcasts, on the acts booked for the biggest festivals, or on the albums most widely promoted, artists like Dog In The Snow are creating spaces for themselves and those who share this experience of being unfairly “othered”.

Tell us about yourself and your role in the music industry.

I am a Thai-Scottish musician who plays under the moniker Dog In The Snow currently based in Brighton. I also run a radio show called Mixed Tapes which plays music from POCs in the independent music world.

What do you think about the representation of British Asian people in the music industry right now?

It's really poor. In general the representation for POCs in independent music is lackluster and it's not because there isn't any great music out there (there 100% is), but it's because the gate-keepers in the music industry are still white older men and this then reflects the lack of diversity in record labels, festival line-ups, BBC 6 Music (presenters and music played), music journalists, record shops etc. POCs are "othered" and generally not given the same opportunities as their white contemporaries, and if they are given the visibility then they are usually seen through the lens of their heritage. I think for British Asian people specifically, there's usually an unwanted narrative of how our Asian identity is linked to our music. For me (probably being a woman as well) my "Asian aesthetic" is usually used to define my music. Whether that's quotes such as "the mixed race look is really in right now" or "you have a really asiatic look on stage" or the classic "where are you from??" which completely distracts from the actual music itself (!!)

Which platforms do you think are doing a great job at highlighting British Asians in contemporary music culture?

gal-dem are amazing, plus Daikon Zine and the musician Bishi who runs Witcih is doing great things for British Asian women in tech and music.

[thejonzone]

A Lifetime Gone: Notes on Jim Sullivan and The Hours

Laura Brown does not want to be Laura Brown. She is one of three protagonists in The Hours (played by Julianne Moore in the movie adaptation), and for her it is 1949 in the hot desert suburbs of Los Angeles. Laura has a husband and a young son but dreads her housewife role, knowing it isn’t for her, knowing she can’t keep it up. She stays in bed for as long as she can, her eyes drop with empty relief as she watches her husband pull out of the driveway, and she reads, despairing for a different world.

After a failed attempt to make a birthday cake and an intimate moment with her neighbor Kitty, Laura has an existential panic. She drops her son off at a friend’s house and, under the guise of running an errand, takes a drive into the city: “As she pilots her Chevrolet along the Pasadena Freeway....she feels as if she’s dreaming or....as if she’s remembering this drive from a dream long ago.”

20 years later in Los Angeles (and in real life), Jim Sullivan records his debut album, U.F.O. It’s first song, “Jerome”, begins with a bright, unsettling orchestral arrangement. Swelling and theatrical but foreboding and alone, it’s the musical equivalent of “red sky in morning, sailors take warning.” Something is wrong. But just as the tension peaks, it all falls away, and for a moment everything is still.

Jerome is a town in Arizona, but you’d be just as right if you thought Jim Sullivan’s song was describing a person. In the late 1800’s, the town in the Arizona desert boomed with copper mining, but the mine closed in the early 1950’s, and the people left with it. Sullivan sings about buying drugs and wanting to go to Jerome, but he doesn’t know where it is or how to find it. He wonders where this ghost town could be. Is it “just a town out there”? Can you only find it “if you’re driving slow”? What exactly does Jerome mean to Sullivan, and how real is the place he’s searching for?

Jerome revitalized itself in the early 1970’s, in part due to its proximity to Sedona, the nearby capital of new-age spirituality. Sedona is known for its vortexes, places in nature that supposedly have high spiritual energy. It doesn’t seem coincidental that Jim Sullivan mentions Jerome-- he and his wife were both interested in New Age mysticism. The album has a clear spiritual bent, exploring reincarnation, religion, and grief: the foggy space between worlds. Even without knowing his strange and tragic backstory, Jim Sullivan’s U.F.O. captures the uneasiness of a dream world, the rising anxiety of realizing you’ve been traveling in the same circle, over and over again. It’s a nightmare. U.F.O. is about illusions and ghosts, it’s full of ghosts, one of whom (in hindsight) is Jim’s ghost, which haunts the album more than anyone he wrote about.

There’s a decent amount written about Jim Sullivan’s story. It ends with him in the New Mexico desert in 1975. Before that, he’d been living in Los Angeles. He made two albums that both failed to create any real traction for him. He had some small success (he was in the movie Easy Rider) but decided to leave his family behind and drive to Nashville to find session work. And that’s that. He never made it to Nashville. He disappeared, was never found or heard from. Ever again! They found his car, all his stuff in it, but never found him. For a guy that talked about driving into the desert and disappearing, it’s spooky how 6 years later he drove into the desert and disappeared.

His music faded to almost nothing, until Light in the Attic reissued it in 2010. My initial fascination is summed up by PopMatters: “When you discover a story like [Jim’s], you start hearing the music differently...It seems impossible not to hear the lyrics as a prediction...that he would come to some kind of mysterious end.” It kept tickling my head, the already cryptic and confusing lyrics morphing into some type of eerie prophecy I felt compelled to piece together.

For Sullivan, it’s not what we see, but how we see it. Eyes show up all over U.F.O. “Plain As Your Eyes Can See” is a lamentation of unreciprocated love. The song is claustrophobic: A crowd’s whisper amplifies to a drowning yell, fallen rocks constrict a bridge’s path. As the world contracts, the narrator realizes they don’t have a place in their love’s life. The song’s idiomatic title is deceptive. Because something that’s as “plain as your eyes can see” should be simple. But U.F.O. is full of moments when our eyes observe something strange, when seeing is anything but plain. He tells us that eyes can easily be deceived, and now here we are, our eyes deceived. The album is a disappearing act, a magic trick.

Throughout the album, characters have surreal, impaired vision. “Whistle Stop” begins with “thunder and lightning in my eyes”, before the narrator describes an interaction with a woman he believes to have known from a past life. “All the air seemed quite foggy to me,” he says, setting up a dream world where he contemplates the soul having some type of knowledge that transcends a body. On “Rosey”, men look at the titular sex worker with “diamonds in their eyes”, and Sullivan tries to figure out who really sees who in the exchange. The song is dark and melodic, the strings and horns are exalting at times, dangerous elsewhere.

The characters in Sullivan’s songs are observers, peering from windows, or watching from crowds. They are searching for answers and they search by watching. In the title song, the narrator describes watching a religious ceremony as “checking out the show / with a glassy eye”, whereas in “Johnny”, the narrator is watching a crowd form to watch a boy who is flying in the sky. They yell out to him to come down, and then wonder if he has discovered anything from up there. As the album goes on, it becomes clear that Jim himself was a watcher, as lost as his characters. Even the album’s cover art expresses a fractured and confused gaze, as 5 duplications of Jim’s face, rapt in attention, look up curiously at something out of sight.

Laura Brown, after some aimless driving, decides to rent a hotel room for the afternoon. She’s impressed by the “cool nowhere” of it, a place of travel and transition, a place to sleep but not a home. After checking in, she realizes how “far away from her life she is. It was so easy.” In the hotel, she sees her anger, her panic, her nervousness, all still in existence, but separate from her: “It’s almost as if she’s accompanied by an invisible sister…”

It is Sullivan’s discussion on death and reincarnation that proves most eerie in hindsight. Even with Rosey’s protective facade, she’s surprised to feel seen by her johns, as they see a part of her that she “often thought was dead”, which makes that part of her alive again, if just for a moment. U.F.O.’s title song begins with strings that feel celestial, so it’s only right that he sings about Jesus and resurrection-- “the only man I know that got up from the dead”. It’s neither critique nor praise of Christianity; the narrator wonders if people can come back, if they can ever be seen again. That idea is carried over in the most affecting song on the album, So Natural. In it, Sullivan most directly grapples with a grief that permeates the whole album: the death of his brother. He again is a watcher, this time at his brother’s funeral. His bizarre take on the experience is how natural his brother looks in death. Sullivan has molded a character who is both alive and dead. In a later verse portending his own death, Sullivan wishes for oblivion: for nobody to be at his eventual funeral, for his ashes to scatter across the desert. And here’s the wild part: both those things effectively happened.

Free of her responsibilities, Laura reads Mrs. Dalloway in her hotel room: “did it matter that she must inevitably cease completely, did it not become consoling to believe that death ended absolutely?” And after closing the book: “It is possible to die. Laura thinks, suddenly, how she-- how anyone-- can make a choice like that.” It’s a grounding realization for Laura. It’s not necessarily one about suicidal ideation, although (at least in the movie version) she does attempt it, but one about agency. Death changes from something that happens to something one can make happen. In that moment, Laura realizes that she can choose life.

So what happened to Jim Sullivan? There are a few theories, and of course, nothing is confirmed. One is that he was killed, perhaps he ran into an unsavory figure, maybe small town police, maybe a remote branch of the mafia, maybe just a wrong place wrong time situation. Some think that he was abducted by aliens. I don’t think it should be ruled out that he chose to disappear.

After driving back from the hotel, Laura picks her son up on the way back home. She steps out of the car, feet planted back in the real world, and “is overtaken by a sensation of unbeing...it seems that by going to the hotel she has slipped out of her life…”

“Highways”, U.F.O.’s emotional centerpiece, sparkles and trills in a way that would certainly make Sufjan Stevens shit. Sufjan for sure takes a page from Sullivan’s book. Both these fellas love horns and using place to ground their songwriting. Both seem to float over the scenes they describe. Highways is optimistic, in a way. On an album where he’s searching for a place to feel at home, he finds it: being lost. He’s lost both physically and spiritually, as he describes losing his sense of identity. But that doesn’t concern him. “It’s easier to stay here, think I know my way here”, he sings. The place he feels most comfortable in isn’t a place so much as a state of motion. It’s part of the fantasy of escape, that giddy rush of being invisible, of not owing anyone anything, it’s that same feeling that coursed through Laura Brown as she drove down her own highway. “Highways” sounds like Jim Sullivan making a promise to disappear one day.

But he doesn’t disappear, at least not right away. He returns after a trip both in and out of our world, returns home, but he doesn’t return fully, he returns on the final song as a Sandman, bringer of sleep. It’s depressing, dark, insidious-- “honey now your sandman’s back in town” Sullivan croons, a promise of someone who knows death, holds it with him. Laura Brown, similarly obsessed with death, also doesn’t disappear right away. Her afternoon in the hotel makes it clear that she needs to leave, but she formulates her plan and waits for the right moment before doing so. As Laura delays having to join her husband in bed, she thinks over her life-changing day: “She might be nothing but a floating intelligence, a presence that perceives, as a ghost might. Yes, this is probably how it must feel to be a ghost. It’s a little like reading-- that same sensation of knowing people, settings, situations, without playing a particular part beyond that of the willing observer.”

I know what it is to fear life. To tip-toe, lie, crumple, appease, stay quiet, get angry, run. I know what it is to become a ghost. I want to believe that desire is stronger than fear, but I know it’s a choice like anything else. Jim Sullivan made a decision to improve his life. He chose to go to Nashville, and either was killed along the way, or chose to go away, just like he said he wanted to. I want to believe that we will do whatever we can to achieve what we need, but I know it’s not so simple. Jim’s voice is weighed down by despair, yet it’s clear he had a deep spirituality within him, some guiding force. He teases us to see, to really see.

Jerome is a town in Arizona, but you’d be just as right if you thought Jim Sullivan was describing a person. A person who once existed, a person who might come back. Jerome is the person who we are when we stop lying to ourselves, and it’s the place we’re constantly looking for. Good luck finding it on a map. Jerome is Jim Sullivan’s opening statement on his baroque pop nightmare, his declaration that we never really die, that we are constantly alive and dead, and what defines those qualities is rooted in what we’re searching for and what we’re hiding from. In the end though, it’s the Jerome Tourism website that puts it most mysteriously and succinctly: “Forever? Jerome never knows.”

[vis3003]

Business Card Project - Part 1

Around the time this module started, I got back into contact with someone by the name of Josh Hitchcock who I met and worked with back in college. We met when we were 16 and worked on several projects with each other during our year studying photography together, I learned a lot from Josh and we’ve stayed loosely in contact ever since leaving school but haven’t collaborated on anything for around 5 years despite having always had similar interests, styles and aesthetics. Josh is also still pursuing his passions and talents in visual communication and is beginning to build a portfolio with the aim of applying for a BA, just like I was doing this time last year. Alongside getting himself prepared to do a degree, he has been expanding his online presence and slowly establishing a business and brand identity for himself. He reached out to me originally to ask if I could potentially create him a logo that he could use across all of his platforms which he needed fairly quickly as he was building a website, unfortunately I couldn’t meet the turnaround deadline and so he commissioned someone else to do a logo, later reaching out to me again to ask if I might be able to create business cards instead.

Josh had already started sketching out ideas and so he sent me his drawings as a starting point for the design

After some discussion and a little bit of time, Josh came to the decision that this was his favorite prospective card design and even began experimenting with it's colors.

It was at this point that I asked him to create a Pinterest board to help gather all of the ideas together which he promptly delivered on. Pinterest’s description of the board “Clean, simple doodles. Photography orientated based on nature and ancient art. A perfect combination of tech, nature and aesthetic.” sums it up perfectly. This was a really strong starting point for the overall design as it includes everything from small decorative graphic details such as flowers, vines and suns; to a concise range of colors for the palette of the art itself. The board isn’t overcrowded, it's clearly well thought through and does good job of clearly communicating the kind of style that I was expected to reflect in my design.

Coincidentally around the same time I started this project, I decided to treat myself to an iPad Pro and Apple Pencil to support my University work, these have become increasing popular in the art world because they are incredibly powerful creative tools, I chose to invest in it mainly for it’s capabilities in creating digital art using the Adobe suite and Procreate using the pencil which is exclusive to iOS and has is slowly becoming the standard for digital drawings.

Having recently attended the Illustrator workshop, I thought that I would experiment with using this software both on my iPad and computer as I figured if I could learn to use them in conjunction with one another from the get go, I would be in a better position overall later on; but in doing so, I threw myself two learning curves at once as I was not only dabbling in software I wasn’t comfortable with but also using that software on a device that I am a complete beginner to which was a definite challenge for myself.

I started out by doing a Google search to find out what the standard size is for business cards and found out that is generally 3.5 x 2 inches (1050 x 600 pixels at 300 DPI, which is the standard DPI for printing). This is how I decided to set my document up which is what gives me the white rectangular shape that you see me working on to start off with.

To begin the design, I picked out my favorite things from Josh's sketch which were the wavy line details and the bohemian style sun. I created some simple outlines using the line tools on iPad Illustrator starting with the border and dividing horizontal line where I intended the design to end, from this I was able rough out where patches of lines would go and add the sun. For the sun, I originally tried to draw one with wavy points but I was struggling to get it proportionate, even when I'd figured out how to use the reflect tool to make my drawing symmetrical, it seemed to be throwing the design off and so I threw this idea out and went for a pointed sun design instead. I chose triangles for the points as a subtle reference to the exposure triangle which is a rule that dictates camera settings when it comes to photography so it ties in with the business well and was also a concept that Josh was trying to reflect in his logo. I achieved the geometrically accurate shape of the points around the sun by creating the very top triangle and then using the Radial Reflect tool whilst using my iPad which automatically created the rest of the points for me with even spacing and perfect symmetry; all I had to do then was resize the points as I pleased. Once I had done this, I decided to repeat the process but with a small line between each point to give it an extra beaming sunshine look, this also fits in with how some of the sun's and graphics are drawn on the Pinterest board that I'm referring to as I design this.

Once the outlines were complete, I started experimenting with filling in the patches with lines, this is an effect that is featured on the album art of one of my favorite albums of all time, Currents by Tame Impala which I previously learned how to do using a vector pack from Spoon Graphics as I did work inspired by it for my University portfolio. Although I have used these particularly line textures before, I have only used them in Photoshop and not Illustrator so I haven't actually used the vector versions of them up until this point. I inserted these into my work using my computer as that's where they were saved, I was able to use Adobe Cloud to sync my work between my PC and iPad making it easy and convenient to switch between the two whilst working. Adjusting the waves worked similarly to how it does when I use them in Photoshop, I just added them in as a layer and then used direct selection mode to delete the extra lines around the outlines and border that I’d drawn in leaving me with what you see above. At this point, I sent what I’d done so far to Josh so that I could begin to get his feedback and make sure that what I was doing was in line with his vision.

Whilst I was waiting for him to reply, I started experimenting with adding color to the design hoping that it would help us visualize it better; I used colors directly from the Pinterest board for my palette by taking a screenshot of the webpage, opening it up in Illustrator, swatching all of the colors and adding them to my Color Library so that they could be easily accessed whenever I needed them.

At this point, I just filled in the colors according to what made sense to me, blue for the sky, yellow for the sun and something contrasting for the wavy lines, honestly, I chose orange because it’s my favorite color and I really like the way that the purple looks next to it, especially against the blue background where it appears slightly more subtle whilst still being effective at breaking up the image in the way that it needs to.

I continued to add colour, changing every other point on the sun to be red to give it more dimension and incorporate more of the colours from the chosen scheme; I then added green to the bottom section which I chose because I thought it would represent grass and fit in with the sun and sky theme that seemed to be emerging. I also added some small stars as I was experimenting with the shape tools dotting them into some small empty spaces on the design so that they line up in a triangular shape which is another subtle reference to the expose triangle.

Then I started experimenting with adding text and social media icons, Josh had told me that he wanted his name, website and social media information on the card, we decided to leave his phone number out as he only has a personal mobile number and didn’t want to risk handing it out to strangers. I chose this Art Deco style font for the name because I liked the lines in it and thought it went well with the lines in the top half of the design which are probably my favourite thing about it at this point. I didn’t use the same font for the website because it doesn’t look as good when it’s small, you can’t really see the lines and it made the website hard to read so instead I chose this glyph font which I thought Josh would like based on some of the imagery from the Pinterest board; I was unsure about this choice at first but it quickly grew on me as it’s subtle and yet it makes the website look bold on the bottom of the image which draws your eye down to it when you’re reading the information. I also added some social shapes to the front keeping Josh updated on my progress as I went along.

It was at this point that I started to receive some feedback from him, he was really happy with the first impressions of the design but did want to make a few changes. He started out by asking if I could change the green on the bottom to the orange colour in the waves with the hope of giving the card a more uniform look which we both agreed looked much better. He then asked me if I’d started designing the back which I hate to admit that I hadn’t actually thought about at this point and so we started discussing the layout; collectively agreeing to move the social media information to the back of the card and have that there along with some sort of bio which I much preferred the idea of as I wasn’t too keen on how the social shapes looked on the front of the card and I was worried about how I was going to fit all of the contact details on without making it look messy.

Originally we thought it might be nice to add some floral details to the front of the card where the space had now been freed up but we quickly decided that this didn’t look quite right.

[kpoptart216]

Taken for Granted (pt 5)

As the days pass by, you seriously thought back to what Jin had told you. Was there a future in music for you? You did your fair share of research online, but you realized that nothing would beat real life experience in the music field. Simply looking up career details online wasn’t going to cut it. And to be honest, you didn’t have time to waste trying to find new careers. You wanted to find something that you were passionate about and quick.

But all of that would have to be put on hold though because you’re three months as a manager wasn’t up quite yet. You learned the love all the GOT7 boys, so you were thankful for the experience to get to know them through these three months. But each night, you hand was itching to play some instrument or write a bit of a new song so you couldn’t enjoy your job as a manager one bit.

However, you realized that the bts boys were making their comeback today and you couldn’t help but smile. You hadn’t seen them in person since you started the job and though you kept in touch through texting, you were excited to see the boys after what seemed like years.

As you sat there in the waiting room watching the boys get ready, you realized you still had to keep your job a priority. So as much as you wanted to go see the other boys in their waiting room, you stayed planted on the small couch in this waiting room.

Pretty soon, the boys were called out for their stage and before you knew it, their stage was over as well. When looking at the schedule, you saw the BTS was performing last and you sighed, realizing you could only see them once the music show was over.

Knowing there wasn’t much work needed to be done till the show was over, you stood on the side of the stage when bangtan was finally called to perform. Your eyes lit up when your eyes landed on the seven of them. Man had you missed them.

Namjoon and the rest of the boys were ushered to the stage as they were the last performance before the winner for the week was to be announced. He found out through one of the other boys that you were also on the set today, and his heart sped up knowing that you were in the same building as him after weeks and weeks.

Unfortunately, though, you hadn’t come to visit the boys yet and he was getting anxious to see you. It’s not like he could just text you and ask when you were coming. Hell, he hadn’t talked to you since that night you left him wondering.

As the boys got in formation on stage, Namjoon coincidentally turned and saw you standing on the side of the stage. You were standing where there was barely any light, but Namjoon had no doubt that it was you. He could make out from just your silhouette and he found himself smiling and losing himself in his thoughts. So lost, that he didn’t hear the music starting. While the boys moved around him, he stood still, just looking in your direction.

Thankfully for him, it was not a live stage. Some of the fans watching started to laugh, and it took a few seconds for Namjoon to realize what he had been doing. He immediately bowed towards the camera, apologizing. When he turned back to your direction, he realized you had left. Were you even there in the first place, or was he just hoping you were there?

The boys finished their stage and eventually, all the groups stood on stage, waiting for the MC’s to announce the winner. You sat in the waiting room, looking at the TV. Without a doubt, BTS had won first place, even though it was their first stage for their comeback. You weren’t even surprised. Sure, you were a little sad that your group hadn’t won but who were you kidding, you were excited for your friends.

Bangtan returned to their waiting room with the trophy in their hands and smiles plastered on their faces. “Wow, on our first stage,” Jimin said happily, staring at the trophy.

The boys all settled down on chairs across the room. Luckily, they had a few hours before their next schedule and took their time getting changed. Namjoon couldn’t help but frown when he realized the show was now over and you still hadn’t come by. He was at least hoping to run into you in the halls, but you were out of sight, nowhere to be found. He almost wanted to visit Jackson in an excuse to see you, but he followed the boys back to their room instead.

“I’m going to go and find Y/N” Jin said suddenly. Namjoon stared after Jin as he got up from his chair and walked towards the door. However, before  Jin made it very far, someone knocked on the door. Jin hurried to open the door. “Y/N! I was just about to go and find you!” Jin said rather loudly. With his big frame, Jin blocked you from Namjoon’s view completely. Namjoon tried to move every which direction in his chair to try and see you but he could only see the top of your head or your shoulders at best.

Pretty soon all the other boys were rushing to the door to greet their friend and what little Namjoon could see of you was completely blocked now. I should just go and say hi he thought to himself.

“Y/N how have you been?!” Tae exclaims, pulling you into a bear hug.

“Can’t….breathe….gonna….die….” you joke. Jin pulls Taehyung off immediately with a frown. “

“Yah, watch what you’re doing.  You’re going to squish her to death” he says, almost blocking the boys from touching you.

“You’re just jealous that you didn’t hug her yourself,” Taehyung says back, sticking his tongue out and trying to reach for you again.

You were so happy seeing the boys again. You had missed them dearly and to see them joking around with you as if no time as passed truly made your heart warm.

“Oppa, I think I can fend for myself,” you tell Jin, wrapping your arms around his own. It seemed like a natural thing to do, but  Jin turned around to you, flustered.

Namjoon watches silently from the distance, wondering how to approach you. You seemed to be having fun and had that wonderful smile on your face, but he was scared that if he came near you, that smile would disappear.

As you began catching up with the boys, you realized that Namjoon wasn’t there. Instead, you saw him sitting in front of his mirror, typing away on his phone. He really hates me, doesn’t he? You think to yourself. Over the last couple weeks, your learned to forgive Namjoon. Sure, he never apologized to you or had he even realized what he had done wrong. But you decided to let his mistakes go, along with your feelings for him. If he wanted to be friends, then you would gladly accept it, but you were no longer going to try and be apart of his life if he didn’t want you in it.

After chatting with the boys for another few minutes, you realized you had to get back to work. Though the time was short, you were so happy that you were able to see the boys. You realized that your schedules actually coincided quite a bit with the music shows, so you promised to see them more in the following weeks. Namjoon knew that you were going to leave soon and he wanted to so badly just say a few words to you, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

As you got up to leave, the boys bid you farewell. But you didn’t want to leave things the way they were. You just couldn’t. So before you walked to the door to leave, you walked to Namjoon.

“Hey.. It’s been a while” you say slowly. Namjoon whips his head in your direction, surprised that you were talking to him.

“Y-yeah”, he says, not being able to piece together more than a word. “H-how have you been”, he asks. It seems so foreign to him, to be talking to you, let alone asking you anything.

“I’ve been alright. I really liked the album oppa, it was great. I’ll see you around I guess? Bye,” you say, not knowing what else to talk about. So before giving a chance for him to reply, you turn and began your walk to the exit of the room. You bid the boys goodbye again and walk back to your own room, proud of yourself of being strong enough to talk to Namjoon. You did try to get over your feelings for him, but you weren’t sure how you would react if you would talk to him again. Would those feelings just come rushing back? But much to your delight, you didn’t have the same feelings as you did months ago. You were finally over Kim Namjoon.

But meanwhile, Namjoon couldn’t help but feel sad. You used to have this…this…light in your eyes when you talked to him. Sure, he thought he never paid attention to you before, but it was obvious as day now that the light was no longer there. You looked at him like you did at everyone else, and it tore away at Namjoon slowly. Why then, did he not appreciate you before? Was it because he thought you would always be there? Clearly, you wouldn’t always be there for him like he wanted now. Namjoon couldn’t shake whatever it was that he was feeling, but he knew he had to try to change things.

A/N: This part is kinda short because I kept deleting what I wrote because I didn’t like it. Let me know if you want a part 6~ And also tell me how you think this series should continue. I love that you guys enjoy this series and share it, so keep doing so~ I love hearing back from you guys. I’ll also be writing part 2 of the arrangement this week so look forward to that too!

Previous Parts: Part 1  Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

[anthonyaugustine]

Originally posted at Portals. 

Chill Out Tribute mix (download MP3)

"First off, I’ve never had so much fun compiling a mix. Limitations really do help focus. But as soon as I had the idea and began strategizing how to go about it, I didn’t realize what I was getting into. I ended up in Psychedelic Rock Youtube rabbit holes, reading forums from the 1990’s that no longer worked in a browser; downloading .txt files from KLF obsessives; listening to the album on repeat, again and again. It was brilliant. And I urge anyone to do the same to truly understand a piece of music and go deep on something you enjoy. This album is the Holy Grail for many of us and is without a doubt in my top 10 of all time. It’s at least one of my most played albums due to its inclusion as a regular bedtime routine (despite my wife asking why she can hear sheep noises and then continuing to freak out).

To reinterpret The KLF’s Chill Out, might be similar to many peoples polarizing opinions on remixes. Most of the time (and I often agree), it shouldn’t even be messed with. But, what’s interesting with Chill Out, is that it’s as much a DJ mix as it is a piece of music. The line between producer and DJ is blurred. Apart from a couple of (soon to then be) popular KLF tunes in the latter half of the album, the majority of the recording is improvised sessions pulled together and re-recorded live, alongside a wealth of samples ranging from Elvis Presley, 808 State, Fleetwood Mac, trains, chanting and radio announcements. In hindsight after digging into this further than ever before, I started to wonder how this album is even any good. There are crazy people shouting in the background and loud vehicles rushing past. How is this Chill-out? Well, it is, and it’s a genius, landmark piece of work.

If you’ve got this far and have no idea what I’m talking about, then go listen to the original before going any further. That’s a large point of this piece - to hold in high regard one of the best electronic albums of all time, and like all of the Portal’s features, add my own deeper story and perspective to it.

Chill Out was pioneering in approach. Completed by mad-scientists Jimmy Cauty and Bill Drummond, who later went on to burn a million pounds, it was arguably the first time an entire album was thought of as one meandering journey with samples at the core. Eno was doing long-form ambient, but he certainly didn’t have the sheep. It was 1990. People got high listening to this (proven after digging into the forums and Youtube comments), came-down on this, or reflected on times when they were high and subsequently reached all kinds of new dimensions. There’s a reason those sheep, Tuvan throat singers and mad radio presenters are in here - they're moments you don’t expect, whilst at the same time depicting a vivid new (or old, or imagined) world - a world that is often attributed as a road-trip across the USA. That’s the very reason why the best Ambient music (and Chill-out in its earliest forms) are so powerful. The music transports you.

You could argue this album is just as relevant today than it was back in 1990. It’s no secret that The KLF were rebelling against a society and its norms, and this album was the gift they gave to everyone else suffering at the same time. The idea of a rave society as a form of rebellion was reaching its peak, and where raves existed, often too the come-down and the chill-out room. The album is peppered with political, likely subliminal messaging and samples. It would be easy to slip into a 2019 version of this - it basically writes itself with the crazy political world of 2019, but I chose not to take that route.

The overall idea for this mix has been in my head for a few years now. I got to the point where I decided to try and capture all new field recordings and maybe one day, actually make some music to accompany them. As it turns out, that was way too ambitious. I ended up staying as close to the original album as I could with the premise of not lifting anything from it. I laid the original album down as one track in Ableton, and then started adding music and moments in parallel, eventually removing the original album completely. The tracks I chose vary from classic pieces, to slightly more obscure, and some even released within the past few months.

The end result is a similarly timed and themed reinterpretation of the overall concept, with completely new music and samples. Just two small moments in here use the same sample that ended up in the original KLF recording (as much as we can only assume), but they are used slightly differently in this version. See if you can spot them. After completing the mix, I ended up reading the Discogs listing which does a good job describing the concept of the album, a concept I had coincidentally tried to adhere to.

"Chill Out is a single continuous musical piece having many distinctive sections, each of which either segues into or introduces the next. The album as a whole is a progression, with percussion gradually introduced during the second half. "

"The album has many recurring musical elements, which unify and merge the parts into the collective whole. Common characteristics of most parts include ethereal background synthesizers, the use of echo and pitch bend, samples of nature and transport, and the punctuation of soft synthesizer loops by sudden flourishes of harmonious sound.” - Discogs

I had to stop myself from getting meta with the interpretation and remind myself to zoom out every now and then and build this as an enjoyable mix. I could have - in theory - copied every single moment down to a tee with a new or similar sound, but there were some moments that I enjoyed the flow and let it continue. There were moments from the original album that, when taken out of context, you could never even start to replicate in any way. And then there were some that seemed to be reflected nicely with a new piece of music.

Is it as good as the original? No way. Is it meant for sleeping? Give it a try. Are there sheep? Not as you know them. Is this sacrilege? To many of us, maybe. But so is burning a million pounds 😉

[major-and-minor]

Happiness Begins

Last Friday night, the Jonas Brothers played their first Irish show in over eleven years when they brought their Happiness Begins World Tour to the 3 Arena. As someone who was a massive fan of theirs as a teenager, this reunion was something I definitely couldn’t miss. I’d only seen them live once before, over a decade ago when I was just fourteen, armed with a homemade sign and uncontrollable excitement at hearing all my favourite songs live.

Fast forward to this January and me travelling up to the same arena to see the Jonas Brothers during this second act of the band, wearing the tour t-shirt I had bought at their show in 2009, both to show my fan dedication, and also, coincidentally, my age. I had great expectations for this show from what I’d seen on social media, and was excited to hear all the songs I’d loved as a young teenager live again. After the show, I can say those expectations were definitely exceeded.

The concert was completely high energy from start to finish, even before Nick, Joe and Kevin made their appearance. We got into the arena just in time to see the last opening act, Picture This, who were already plenty familiar with the 3 Arena having played five sold out shows here last March, and were now supporting the Jonas Brothers across the European leg of the tour. They obviously needed no introduction to the crowd, and were the perfect band to get everyone excited for the main act to come on stage.

The Jonas Brothers started their set with ‘Rollercoaster’, a track off their most recent album Happiness Begins, about the journey they’ve taken since starting the band in the mid 2000’s. This story also ties in with videos shown on the LED screens throughout the show, visualising how far each member of the band has come in their life to reach this point, of reuniting when it seemed like the Jonas Brothers were finished for good.

The rest of the show is a brilliant mix of some of their more recent tracks like Cool, Only Human and What a Man Gotta Do, along with some of the more popular songs off their earlier releases including Fly with Me, Year 3000 and Lovebug. This mix of songs released over the years also shows how Nick, Joe and Kevin have changed in both their professional and personal lives, with many of their newer songs like I Believe and Hesitate written about their relationships with their wives Priyanka Chopra, Sophie Turner and Danielle Jonas.

As well as performing all their best loved Jonas Brothers tracks, Nick and Joe also performed songs released during their hiatus from the band between 2010 and 2019. Nick got the whole crowd involved in a rendition of, arguably, his most successful solo single, Jealous, while Joe performed Cake by the Ocean, the hit single released by his band DNCE, which also included long-time Jonas Brothers drummer Jack Lawless. 

I felt it was a nice touch to include these songs in the setlist as opposed to by-passing the band’s break-up period entirely, as many of their earlier fans, myself included, continued to enjoy their solo releases over the years as they made a name for themselves as individuals, distinct from the paths followed by their brothers.

The Happiness Begins tour set finished with a performance of the Jonas Brothers’ best known single, Burnin’ Up, and Sucker, which they released on March 1st last year to coincide with the announcement of their reuniting, to the excitement of fans who, years previously, had resigned themselves to the knowledge that the band would likely never make a come-back. 

The performance of these tracks back-to-back, I feel, truly showcased how the far the Jonas Brothers have come over the years, from their beginnings with Hollywood Records and Disney, to growing and maturing as individuals during their long hiatus, to eventually reuniting for a second crack at the band which kickstarted their careers and brought their worldwide fame.

I truly enjoyed the Jonas Brothers performance from start to finish and found it so exciting and, honestly, heart-warming to witness how much the band has evolved in the eleven years between my first time seeing them live and now. Their performance and the songs featured throughout the concert felt like both a reminiscing of my time as a twelve and thirteen year old, when I listened to their albums non-stop and had their posters covering my bedroom walls, and also of where I am now as a twenty-something facing some life-changing moves and decisions over the next few years.

For me, their music is as relatable now as it was back then, and is something I will always enjoy and come back to, no matter how old I get or how many years pass between tours (though hopefully I won’t have to wait a decade before seeing them again!)

[theofficialcunt]

Biadore Prompt: “You have something in your hair, umm… Do you want me to get it out?”

So this was kinda short, 1.4k words bit I hope you enjoy! Nice and fluffy oneshot. 

It had been awhile since Roy had a day off. In fact, he can’t even remember how long it’s been. That was sad, he thought.

Coincidentally, Danny was also home on a short break from promoting his new album. He decided to clear the day so that they could spend it at the beach drinking vodka lemonades.

What could be better then spending a day at the beach with his best friend?

Best friend was a generous word, he scoffed to himself. They had seen each other naked multiple times on tour, cuddled “as friends”, and even kissed one time on their way to a gig to freak out a crazed fan.

He couldn’t help but notice that over the short amount of time that they had known each other, that he had different feelings for the younger one. Nothing bad, he just saw Danny in a more romantic light then he probably should.

Danny had made it clear on multiple occasions that he was too old, that he needed “fresh meat”, so he knew the feelings weren’t mutual.

It just sucked, because no matter how hard he tried - his feelings for Danny always seemed to resurface.

“You old hag!” Danny called, waving from across the street. He looked like a typical Lana Del Rey gay: large black floppy hat, dark red lips a sheer black onesie, and a tight black speedo. He even had a goddamn basket with a blanket, sunscreen, and god help him - a fucking selfie stick.

Roy groaned internally at his friends subtle choice of beach attire, and walked across the street to meet him.

“Subtle outfit,” Roy commented, giving Danny a peck on the cheek. “Please tell you remembered the vodka.”

“Of course I did!” Danny exclaimed, pulling the blanket out of the small wicker basket.

Ah, the blanket was his way of hiding the booze. He had also remembered a veggie sandwich from their favorite deli, and the mango lemonade. It was sweltering in Santa Monica today, so Roy was thankful Danny had even remembered to place an ice pack along with the drinks to keep them cool.

“Let’s go find a spot on the beach. I’m sure you have a lot to tell me about this new album of yours.” Roy suggested.

“Party.” Danny said, with a hint of sarcasm as he led the way across the crosswalk. Roy watched his hips sway back and forth towards the sandy beach and sighed to himself.

It was going to be a long day, he thought.

——————-

After consuming the entire bottle of vodka together, the two of them had found pure bliss laying down in the warm sand. They were giggling over nonsense, mostly talking shit about some of the most ridiculous requests they had seen in some of their sisters club contracts.

“Have you heard about your niece’s requests?” Adore cackled. “This bitch wants only red m&ms, champagne, and red roses ready for her on her station.”

“My niece?” Roy slurred confused. How did Danny know his niece?

“Valentina you idiot!” Danny exclaimed, body shaking with laughter as he leaned his head on Roy’s shoulder.

Roy roared with laughter, his laugh startling a nearby toddler running down the beach with his mother.

“I fucking hate you.” Roy breathed, cheeks aching from all of the laughter. It had been awhile since he had smiled this much. He rested his head on Danny’s, lingering there for a few moments.

They laid that way for a few minutes, silently engulfed in their thoughts as they watched the sun begin to dip towards the horizon.

Danny was the first to pull away, laying on his side looking at Roy’s profile. He was still just as handsome as when he had first met him on drag race. His eyes still had the special twinkle just for him whenever he said something charming.

He had always found Roy attractive, and thought he was the perfect boyfriend material: but his feelings for him scared the living shit out of him. He had such an intense attachment to him, he didn’t know what he would do if he were to ever lose him. His heart ached for him whenever they were apart - he constantly missed him and would even get alerts sent to his phone whenever he tweeted or updated instagram. Which he knew meant that he had more than just platonic feelings for him. But people like Roy didn’t give people like Danny a chance at love. So he suppressed his feelings for him, usually deflecting by joking about his age.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” Roy muttered, giving him the side eye.

“If you insist!” Danny said cheerily, pulling out his selfie stick.

“Not this shit again.” Roy groaned. Danny had just stopped taking pictures of them about 30 minutes ago. He had endured countless poses because he “couldn’t find the right angle.”

“Roy please! For me baby?” Danny pleaded.

Roy rolled his eyes, but eventually obliged by his request. He couldn’t resist Danny, especially when he called him baby. He didn’t want to be the one to put a frown on his face.

They scooted closer to each other again, pressing their cheeks together as they smiled cheesilyfor the camera.

“Ew, can we take another one?” Danny asked disgusted.

“Sure.” Roy said.

They posed again, this time Roy pressing a dainty kiss on his cheek. It was their signature selfie pose.

“Cute! Don’t we look sickening?” Danny asked excitedly, showing the screen to Roy.

Roy smiled at the picture. Sickening wasn’t exactly the word he’d use to describe the picture but he nodded in agreement.

To him, they looked like a couple. Danny’s flushed face with Roy’s lips on his cheek completed the picture. He wished so bad that they were, that they could even pretend for just one day that they were something more then friends.

But it was all platonic, of course. He had to keep reminding himself of that.

Danny only had platonic feelings for him.

“Roy?” Danny asked, a more serious note to his voice.

“Yes?” Roy answered, looking up at him from the phone.

Danny had an intensity to his stare, the late afternoon sunlight pouring into his green eyes. His eyes were soft in this light, or maybe they were soft because he was upset about something - Roy couldn’t tell he was too drunk. He just didn’t recognize the look on his friends face.

He leaned in a little closer, so close that Roy could see the indentations on his cheeks - the individual dark lashes lining his hooded eyes. He gasped, deeply inhaling.

Keep it together Roy, he thought as he nervously bit his lip.

“You have something in your hair…umm.” Danny paused, staring into Roy’s dark brown eyes before focusing down at his- lips? “Do you want me to get it out?”

Roy was fixated on Danny’s thick red lips, that were splotchy now from all the drinking but were still beautiful and plump. The energy between the two of them shifted, the tension became unbearable - almost suffocating.

It was hard to say which one of them initiated it, but around the same time they both leaned in- first pressing their lips together shyly. It was as if they were both testing the other - trying to see which one would stop the kiss.

But neither one did.

Roy gripped at Danny’s sheer shirt, pulling him into his lap as he deepened the kiss. Danny positioned himself so he wasn’t sitting directly on Roy’s knee, and gripped playfully at his short dark hair. Roy groaned into his mouth and they both fell back into the sand, making out like a couple of lovesick teenagers.

Roy eventually pulled away, mostly because he needed to come up for air from the kiss - but he grabbed Danny’s pale hand as he did it. Almost ro reassure him that it wasn’t a mistake.

Both of them were breathing heavily, eyes still fixated on one another as they held hands.

Danny looked stunning, liquid lipstick completely gone as his messy dark hair framed his thin face. His eyes held a sparkle in it that Roy had never seen before, at least not directed at him anyway.

“How long have you been wanting to do that?” Roy asked, once he finally caught his breath.

“Long enough.” Danny chuckled. “Hey, uh do you want to get out of here?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”