#but poe would easily be based on me or my entire existence is based on him

[irritablepoe]

Only Poe and I would come up with the idea to write a book for our rivals to read and it turning out to be for nothing after all

[kingdomoftyto]

Ah, POE has entered its Murderstuck phase. (Seriously though I'd be interested in seeing your classpects for the detectives after you finish the game)

AT LAST I have beaten the game and can answer this ask!!

Short answer:

Long answer:

[Reminder that in addition to the canon info on aspects from the Extended Zodiac, I also like to take into consideration the excellent old theories {aspects} from bladekindeyewear, a lot of which seem to have made their way onto the MSPA wiki {classes}!]

I'm going to try desperately not to overthink this too badly by psychoanalyzing the characters and their growth over the course of the narrative, because for past attempts at this sort of thing I've had people tell me my choices are way off base lol. As a result some of these will be a little more straightforward than my usual fare.

And, it JUST SO HAPPENS that when I go with my gut instincts like this, the full cast (minus Senior) lines up pretty perfectly with the full set of 12 aspects! That's too beautiful to ignore, so I'm sticking with it. >:)

Anyway, let's get into it:

Incompetent/Ideal Detectives: Heir of Mind

This one's kind of a no-brainer. The Denouement is without question a Mind power, anticipating possible outcomes before they happen. Not to mention Mind's general association with rationality and logic--necessary traits for any detective worth their salt. Mind is also all about your choices and how they change you, echoing the themes of growth and optimism for things to get better, even in the face of despair. It feels right to me if Wato and Saika to share a classpect, particularly the Heir class considering each of them literally inherited the Ideal title from the other. Heir is also thought to be a passive class, which suits their shared tendency to guide the other detectives to finding the solutions rather than solving every little mystery by themselves.

Doleful Detective: Rogue of Doom

Oh boy. In a brighter world, Doleful could have EASILY been the Light-bound of the group. His entire shtick is being supernaturally lucky--even to the point of tragedy. He would have been the group's Vriska, except with troubles that were no fault of his own. HOWEVER, clearly, the reality of who Doleful actually is paints us a very different picture. What we get instead is someone whose entire existence circles around the ideas of sacrifice and suffering. It becomes an obsession for him, both as a detective (as seen in his primary contribution to the group being putting himself in harm's way) and as the Duke (as seen in... his entire outlook on society). As a Rogue, his purpose is to "steal" the suffering of the masses, in his own twisted, pessimistic way, and because this is a passive class, he does it in the most indirect way possible.

Renegade Detective: Bard of Rage

This fucker is Gamzee Makara. I mean just look at him. He has the hair and everything.

...No but seriously, I'm not even joking with this. Go read the Extended Zodiac's description for Rage and tell me that's not Renegade in a nutshell. "Contempt for falsehoods, including the stability those false ideas can impart." "Would rather tear down a system and live in anarchy if they think the system is built on faulty premises." "Difficult to convince otherwise once attached to an idea." He's SO single-minded in his beliefs that he dies with a grin on his face just because his death follows his twisted worldview (which, wouldn't you know it, is another thing he shares with a certain purpleblooded troll). He also incites literal chaos and anger among the other detectives, particularly Workaholic, pulling them into similar delusions of there only being a single, violent way forward.

Armor Detective: Knight of Space

This man is pure physicality. He's simple, in every sense of the word. Just a huge, solid wall, an impenetrable barrier to all threats. He has a single solution to every problem, and that's to position himself in between danger and the people he wants to protect. And of course he's a Knight: his greatest asset--nay, his very essence--is the material suit of armor he's equipped with at all times.

Rowdy Detective: Maid of Breath

What is Breath but the embodiment of movement? As the athlete of the group, Rowdy definitely does plenty of that. But Breath also implies direction, bringing to mind her hanafuda cards, which she consults not to seek external guidance but to reinforce her own decision. Once she's pointed herself at a target, there's no stopping her. (Plus also, y'know. There's literal breath, and she has a pretty good sense of smell lmaO.) Maids, at least in the theories I follow, are an active class, and Rowdy is a prime example, manifesting her own forward momentum and allowing no room for doubt.

Downtown Detective: Thief of Heart

Heart is the aspect of identity and, relatedly, of facades--something Downtown knows all about. Outwardly, she presents a cheery, playfully snarky personality, but this is only one of many layers of masks. Her mastery of these countless faces are what makes her so skilled at manipulating other people. She sees effortlessly into what makes people tick, steers the conversation to revealing the info she wants, and then, like any good Thief, snatches up the resulting spoils. Heart also, however, refers to the unchanging core of what makes a person who they are, and to me this is highlighted by the way Downtown holds so tightly to the memory of her friend Miyuki, no matter how far she sinks into the Duke's web of lies and death.

Bookworm Detective: Mage of Light

I said I wasn't going to get too into character growth in these analyses but HEAR ME OUT. The obvious aspect for Bookworm would be Void, right? Her manner of speech literally obfuscates her emotions behind the detached wording of a third-person narration. Plus she's goth as hell. But much like with Rose Lalonde before her, I argue that this is because she starts out with her aspect "inverted", and that her self-actualization comes in the form of her embracing her true nature: Light. Light can mean fortune, as I mentioned in Doleful's entry, but it is also knowledge and clarity. Bookworm's greatest weapon is her encyclopedic recall, and this is put to best use only when she begins to open up to and cooperate with the other detectives. The sense of triumph Wato (and I) experienced every time she felt confident enough to speak in first person should be more than enough to prove that the Void clinging to her psyche is only holding her back from her full potential.

Posh Detective: Seer of Hope

The aspect of Hope can best be summed up as "fake it 'til you make it", and if that doesn't encapsulate Posh as a person, then I don't know what does. Even with her family fallen on hard times, she relies on a carefully constructed facade of wealth and influence to convince others of her abilities. Though this performance isn't always the most convincing to the other detectives, her stubborn refusal to abandon it is no accident on her part. She has convinced herself that her aspirations of rank and prestige (both within the Detective Alliance and in society at large) will manifest if only she can inextricably associate herself with the role. As a Seer, her job is to passively guide others with insight related to her aspect--which brings to mind her naively confident guesses that fail to be correct on their own but can and do divert the discussion indirectly toward the solution.

Mystic Detective: Sylph of Blood

With a name like Van Helsing, he had to be Blood, right? It just feels right with his occult proclivities. But even on a metaphorical level, Blood first and foremost represents the bonds between people, an appropriate theme for the group's resident father figure. Mystic is known for solving his cases with exceptional compassion and patience, emphasizing how the primary source of his success is his ability to connect with those who had otherwise been abandoned. These helpless clients, along with his more direct ties like his adoption of Bookworm and his gentle mentorship of Wato, bring to mind how Sylphs are specifically known to be a "healing" class.

Workaholic Detective: Prince of Time

Time can be a difficult aspect to explain. Like Space, it tends toward the literal, though even in that sense I feel Workaholic is the best fit for it, what with his fixation on past wrongs and his relentless, sleepless march toward his target like a clockwork automaton. In a more figurative sense, Time can be associated with inevitability or even entropy, which evoke Workaholic's single-minded pursuit of justice despite knowing his own destruction was likely to occur alongside Renegade's. Princes are famously referred to as the "destroyer" class, and he certainly fits the bill, both erasing time with the sense of urgency created by his betrayal and also directly cutting short the "time" of those he killed.

Gourmet Detective: Witch of Void

The Void aspect represents both literal nothingness (like the hunger that plagues Gourmet even years after the tragedy that nearly starved her) and also secrets (like the undercover role she played for the FBI). Even Gourmet's facial expressions tend to be vacuous, revealing nothing of her true thoughts or motivations unless she reaches a breaking point. Witches are a vaguely defined class but are thought to be an active one, perhaps breaking the rules of their aspect to their advantage. If so, this could be connected to Gourmet's superhuman gastonomy and sense of smell--imagine an all-consuming black hole, where our very understanding of physics starts to break down--but either way she definitely wields both her hunger and her secrets with deliberate precision.

Techie Detective: Page of Life

Techie's is the classpect I am least certain/happy about, but to be perfectly honest I don't think ANY of the aspects are a clean fit for him. That said, of the ones that do feel related, Life seems like a decent choice for a few reasons--not the least of which is his well-established habit of anthropomorphizing inanimate gadgets and robots. One could say he "imbues them with life". I would argue that, like Bookworm, Techie is still early in his growth, and this is reflected in my assigning him as a Page. Pages are known for being the slowest to bloom but with some of the greatest potential of all the classes, which rings familiar when one considers the sections of his profile that describe him "stagnating" in the rankings and apprenticing under a capricious dandy. With proper support and guidance, Techie would certainly be on track to do great things with his future. While Renegade accuses him of relying on others too much, Techie's willingness to sacrifice his chair to save the others--even when that would mean giving up his own independence--serves as proof to me that he's well on his way to embodying the quintessential Life-bound trait of putting others' needs before his own.

...And, uh, that's everybody! Unfortunately these assignments mean the party's session was doomed the moment Workaholic fried himself. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ No frogs for you, detectives!

[dameronswife]

what if you let someone who loves you rewrite your story? who would you be? maybe it's the story that will define you.

I'm Nym, 24, and I go by she/fae pronouns. I'm autistic, and the host of a plural system. I'm asexual and queerplatonic, and in the best qp relationship in the universe with my very best friends! I love space, listening to music, watching cartoons, and drinking far too much caffeine. This is my side blog, and I follow from @poelya <3

I was previously celestialwife

rules & info 🌕

this blog is 18+, technically. I often reblog explicit posts here, but they can easily be blacklisted under #cockpit tag if you don't wanna see that!

Due to being ficto and having a headmate of him, my relationship with Poe is very real to me, and I absolutely consider him to be my soulmate. He is my starlight, my sunshine, my entire galaxy, and I am not comfortable sharing him (or Marc, for that matter) with anyone besides my partner ( @mxspectordameron). What this means is please don't follow me if you ship with them, unless we're friends/existing mutuals.

As such, when I talk about Poe, it will be as though I know him personally - because I do!!! 💜

this is not a fandom blog. please do not treat it as such.

art credit goes to my partner @hermitmoss. dividers credit goes to thecutestgrotto, estrelinha-s, and saradika-graphics.

I don't personally believe in dnis, but I would be most comfortable if you don't follow if you ship with minor characters as an adult, if you are bigoted, or are an exclusionist. And of course, "doubles." Also as a heads up, although I don't mind if you follow me and ship with him, I likely won't follow back if you ship with K.ylo R.en because of some bad associations with the character, but I love & support you! 💜

I wouldn't think it needs to be said (but maybe it does bc I've seen other blogs add it as a disclaimer), but obviously I don't do any rpf shipping here, regardless of if my f/os share the same actor.

my lovers 💞✨

flyboy 🧡 (poe dameron, aka the husband, my starlight. we've been together officially for four years, but I've been in love with him for nearly ten)

white knight 🌙 (marc spector; my knight in shining armor. I love him so much)

self inserts 💜

Volya Doneeta; a twi'lek jedi knight from a prequel era au where there are no sith. winds up in the resistance era due to force bullshit. member of black squadron, and married to poe. I have multiple au's for her, but currently trying to work on a more canon compliant one.

Emilia McKnight; an avatar to ma'at, and fellow mercenary in a universe based on m.oon knight (tv show) but not the m.cu. based in brixton, london, and is dating marc spector.

[mylifeisactuallyamess]

A/N: Ok so this has been sat in my drafts forever. I actually forgot it existed at one point. Anyway, I’ve been clearing out some docs in the hope it will stop that overwhelmed feeling when I open the app 😂 Don’t expect a sequel 👍🏻

Summary: You have two names etched onto your wrists. One is the name of your enemy and the other is the name of your soulmate. But you need to work out which is which.

Warnings: Mentions of scars, death, war, hatred, sadness, angst, fluff (I know I was wild back then. Fluff? Me?) Hasn’t been beta read so all the mistakes are mine and in plain view. This is easily over a year old.

Word Count: 3296

Tagging: @daydreamsofren @princessxkenobi @strangunddurm (you don’t have to read!)

You sat on the storage crate eating some breakfast watching the bustle of the base pass you by. You’d arrived at Ajan Kloss and most people were busy setting up the power lines from the Tantive IV. The group was small as some had already left on recruiting missions to try and swell the numbers. You sighed and looked down at the two bands on your wrists, everyone wore these bands unless they had found their soulmate. The names tattooed on a person's wrists were a highly guarded secret and usually no one crossed that unspoken barrier. One name was that of your enemy and one was that of your soulmate and no one knew which was which, but you did. Your gaze was dragged to the band on your left wrist, the name there tingled, seared into your skin like a red scar, the letters jagged and pointy like daggers. That was your enemy's name, the enemy that had almost killed you all on Crait if it hadn’t been for Luke….

You looked over at Poe talking with General Organa and Finn, neither of the men had their bands on anymore not since they’d found each other and you were happy for them. A pang of longing stirred in your chest as you lifted your right hand to your mouth, the name on this wrist was that of your soulmate. A man you knew to be dead. The scar that ran through your soul was deep, a large wound left in the wake of his passing. It seemed like the entire Galaxy knew the story of the Skywalkers, of Leia and Han. Of their son, Ben. The whole Resistance knew the weight that Leia carried everyday, the loss of her son, and now her husband. You rolled your left wrist feeling the rise of nausea creeping up your throat, having his name permanently branded on you made your skin crawl. You had daydreamed a lot of what you would do if you ever came across Kylo Ren, he had stolen from you, taken something precious that could never ever be replaced. He had killed your soulmate and now you wanted to kill him.

You had no idea joining the Resistance would bring you on such a journey, you had almost died more than a few times the last time only happened a few days ago. You watched as Rey stepped her way towards the little group, her and Chewie had single handedly saved what was left of the Resistance right from under the nose of Kylo Ren. Poe had been crowing about it ever since and you were with him, anything to stick it to that awful man. The First Order was a plague that needed eradicating. You looked up as a transport glided through the atmosphere, the air from the engines stirring the tops of the trees before landing, the first wave of recruits was here. You dusted your hands of crumbs and stood up, there was work to do.

Months later found you sitting next to a medium size fire, surrounded by your friends as you all got drunk on some spotchka. The blue liquid burned horrendously, catching in your throat everytime but you enjoyed it, you imagined it numbed the pain you nursed all day everyday. You heard your name and you turned your gaze to Poe as he settled down next to you.

“You ok?” You nodded and plastered on that well practised smile you used to disarm anyone who asked that question.

“Yeah, it’s just been a busy few months you know? Feels good to relax a little.”

“You seem sadder than usual.” You sighed. Reports had been coming in about the First Order sweeping through the Galaxy, lives were being lost and there was nothing you could do, Kylo Ren’s reach was spreading, his power growing.

“Can I ask you something?” Poe nodded and you rested your hand gently on his wrist, the names on his skin were visible in the flickering fire light. “How did you know he was truly your enemy?” Poe’s eyes dropped down to look at the name you had your finger over.

“I’m not really sure, but I suppose I didn’t fully know until Finn rescued me. What’s this about? Have you met your soulmate?” You withdrew from him and looked back into the fire.

“No, my soulmate is dead. All that’s left is my enemy.” Poe sat there in stunned silence and you had no doubt he was trying to understand what you were feeling, but he had his soulmate. He knew for definite Armitage Hux was his enemy, you just assumed Kylo Ren was yours because he was leading the First Order charge. “I’m sorry, the drink is making my tongue loose. I should go to bed.” You looked over at Rey and Rose to say goodnight but the words got trapped in your throat as you noticed they didn’t have their bands on. Your heart sunk, and tears flooded your eyes, you were never going to have that. The feeling of belonging, the feeling of having someone, you were never going to experience that love and it angered you. Before you could control yourself you threw your cup into the fire, the flames flaring wildly from the alcohol and everyone turned to look at you as you stood. “That’s right, have a good gawk! Let’s all look at the soulmateless freak.” A sob beat your chest and you turned away, your feet carrying you out into the darkness. Closing your eyes, you rubbed your temple in frustration, this is why you shouldn’t drink.

“Hey,” you wiped your wet face as Rey approached you. She didn’t say anything else, she just stood next to you looking up at the stars that littered the wide expanse of space.

“I’m sorry….I shouldn’t have….I’m glad you’re happy.” She smiled, her face softening.

“You know I waited ages before I told her, and she never said anything because her tattoo just says Rey so she wasn’t sure it was me.”

“Same as Poe’s.” You commented and Rey nodded.

“I can feel your hurt. Did you know your soulmate?”

“I never met him,” you couldn’t keep the bitter tone out of your voice.

“Then how do you know he was your soulmate?”

“Because if the other one is my soulmate then the Galaxy has a really twisted sense of humour.” She studied you for a moment before speaking again.

“I know it goes against all the unspoken social rules, but you know I don’t do rules….” you looked over at her, the sound of your heart pounding in your chest was loud. You knew what she was asking without her saying the actual words and at first you felt revulsion. Revealing your soulmate name was such a personal thing, an intimate moment that should happen between the two souls only. But you were never going to get that. Your hand circled the band on your wrist as you toyed with the fabric, were you really going to do this? No one else had seen this name on your skin except you and a part of you wanted to keep it a secret forever, but you didn’t do rules either. You slowly began to slide the band off your wrist, your gaze locked with Rey’s, her hands rose and gently cupped yours in her palms. You clenched your jaw and tugged, you didn’t want to look down, you hated the way his name widened the scar inside you every time you saw it.

“Can I look?” She asked and you gave a quick nod before you lost your nerve. Your eyes stayed trained on her face, you saw the way her eyes widened, you heard her sharp intake of breath and you flinched as her finger trailed over the most sensitive part of your wrist. She slipped the band back over his name and to your surprise she smiled, even though it was tinged with sadness. “Can I…?” You swapped wrists, there was less hesitation this time but her reaction was more controlled, her eyes glassed over and her mouth set in a hard line as she gazed down at the angry red name of your enemy. “Don’t lose hope.” She said softly slipping the band back over your wrist. She went to turn away but you grabbed her arm.

“What do you mean?” You held out your right wrist, almost shoving it in her face. “He’s dead, everyone knows he’s dead, how can I not lose hope?” You growled through gritted teeth, the tears welling in your eyes again.

“I need to meditate and ask for guidance before….”

“What? Before what?”

“Before I can tell you what I know.” She slipped away leaving you feeling numb and even more alone in the darkness.

You rubbed the band on your right wrist trying to find comfort but it didn’t work, Rey had told you he was alive, your soulmate. He was out there but she couldn’t tell you where. That was the last time you had seen her, she had left with Poe, Finn and Chewie on a secret mission and no one had heard from them in weeks.

You paused outside a closed door, resting your palm on the durasteel, you had shed so many tears your eyes couldn’t make anymore. You opened the door with a quiet whoosh and stepped into the silent space. You came here everyday, you hated the idea of her being alone laying in this room with that sheet over her face. You turned so the bed was behind you and started talking, telling Leia what was happening, how lost you all felt that the Falcon hadn’t returned yet. How you were all doing your best but her death echoed through the base so loudly everyday. The loss of hope was reflected in everyone’s eyes as you all went through the motions, but the fight was gone, it fled in the night like a shadow in the wind. Replaced with emptiness and despair. Your head whipped around as a sound you’d recognise anywhere reached your ears, you cast your eyes to the bed.

“They’re back!” You breathed before racing from the room.

You watched the ship land, Poe’s face was one of thunder as he stormed off the ramp closely followed by Finn and Chewie but no Rey. Fresh tears finally flooded your eyes as you were faced with the most difficult thing you’d ever had to do. You reached out to stop Poe but he shook you off, claiming he needed to speak to the General only pausing when a sob ripped your throat.

“You can’t! She’s gone!” You cried, seeing the pain on his face as he realised what you were saying made you cry harder, the hurt washed over you all over again. Your words hung in the air like a dead weight only punctuated by Chewie’s wounded cry, you wrapped your arms around yourself not able to contain the sobs that shook your body. You felt Finn envelop you from behind, his strong arms held you tightly as he tried to process. Poe stood to the side, his gaze looking at the floor as he fought an internal battle with his emotions, his red eyes flicked to you before he went to try and comfort Chewie but the Wookiee warned him off with a roar. You had no idea how you were all going to claw your way out of this pit but Leia had left the fight in Poe’s hands and he was going to need all the help he could get.

“Where’s Rey?” You finally managed to ask but Finn just shook his head.

“She left, we don’t know where. She left us.”

“Then there really is no hope,” you whispered.

“There is always hope.” Poe snarled as he began to head into the base. “I refuse to believe our fight ends here. We just have to keep going, we can’t just hand this over to them.” You both watched Poe stalk away.

“She fought Kylo Ren. She fought him and I think she killed him.” You studied Finn’s face, if that was the case then there was a reason to hope and Poe was right. You subconsciously rubbed your left wrist where his name was branded into your skin, you thought you’d feel a sense of relief that your enemy was dead but the whispers of doubt started to creep on the edges of your mind. You tried to ignore them, the final battle was coming and everyone had to play their part.

You didn’t have time to feel as the ships began to fill the sky, some landed and you spent all your time making sure the injured were guided to where they needed to be. You handed out blankets, drinks and food, the talk of victory and the end of the war was the only topic of conversation. You had seen Poe and Finn and you were sure you’d seen Rey but someone else caught your eye. He was tall, very tall. He stood awkwardly to the side, his hazel eyes wide as he took in everything around him, he rolled his lips against his teeth in a nervous gesture and you began to head towards him.

“Here,” you offered him a drink and he took it with a slight smile. You’d never seen him before, you were sure you’d have recognised him if you’d seen him around the base, you had processed all the new recruits yourself so you knew he wasn’t one of those. Maybe he’d been on a ship that Lando had recruited, he didn’t look injured. His clothes were ripped and dirty, he sat down with a sigh and you saw his leg was stretched out awkwardly. “Are you injured?” You asked as you knelt before him reaching for his leg. He flinched, his large hand stopping your movement.

“I’m ok,” he mumbled.

“No, you’re injured. Beaumont get me a medpak over here!” You began to roll up his trouser leg, ignoring the way he tensed under your attention. “What’s your name?” You asked.

“Ben. Ben Solo.” Your hands carried on moving but your brain was stuck, his name made your soul tremble. The world fell away from you, fading into a grey lump of nothingness as you looked up at the man in front of you. His hazel eyes tracked over your face, his brows knitting together slightly as he tried to gauge your reaction. You didn’t see anything else, you just saw him, the freckles that dotted his skin like stars offering a constellation for your eyes to devour, the way his dark hair fell in soft waves to his shoulders, the tears in his baggy jumper, the shift of his frame from being under your intense scrutiny. His pink plush lips were moving but you couldn’t hear anything, because this was Ben Solo.

You jolted as Beaumont touched your shoulder letting you know he’d put a medpak at your feet, the sounds from the surrounding area came roaring back bringing you solidly back to the moment.

“You ok?”

“You’re Ben Solo.” He swallowed nervously and dipped his head.

“Yes,” he said softly, his eyes wide as he looked at you from under his hair. “If you don’t want to treat me I can do it myself.” You grabbed his hand, marvelling at the feel of his skin on yours, you traced the calluses on his palm watching his fingers flex at your delicate touch.

“I want to treat you.” You breathed finally releasing his hand. You finished rolling up his trouser leg, while you worked you couldn’t stop the flow of tears that cascaded down your face, you couldn’t believe he was here. Alive. He grunted as you pulled the splint tight against his leg. “That’s the most I can do until a medic can get to you.”

“Thank you. What’s your name?” A sob escaped you and he leaned forward, worry etched over his handsome face. “I’m sorry, this is a difficult time for everyone, here.” He moved slightly and allowed you to sit next to him as more sobs came, you couldn’t get a hold of them, barely able to breathe in between each one.

“You’re alive!” He closed his eyes as though he was in pain, like your words wounded him deeply.

“I know I’m sorry. There are many better people out there who should be here instead of me.”

“And right now you’re all I care about.” He turned slowly to look at you as though sure he’d misheard you.

“Me? Why?” You placed a hand on his arm hoping there weren’t any other Ben Solos in the Galaxy and this was actually the right one. You quietly said your name and watched in awe as comprehension dawned on his face, followed by a slight smile. Yes, this was your Ben Solo, your soulmate. You watched as he removed a band from his wrist, your name clearly displayed in what looked like your handwriting. Holding back the tears you removed your band showing him the name that was tattooed onto your skin. His fingers traced over the name on your skin and you shivered at his touch, your soulmates touch. His fingers laced with yours and you leaned your shoulder against him feeling the heat from his body. Your eyes wandered to the side and you saw Rey, she waved slightly a knowing smile on her face. You mouthed a ‘thank you’ even though you weren’t sure what she really did for him and you. Not until later.

You both sat in silence, just soaking everything in and a sense of peace settled over you both. Your search was over, the war was over and a life with your soulmate stretched out before you. You looked at each other sharing a special look, his eyes falling to your lips and you found yourself leaning into him. His nose brushed your cheek, his free hand coming up to gently stroke your face and your lips connected for the first time. The kiss was tender and lingering, he kissed you like you were the most precious person in the world to him even though you’d only just met. You thought your heart was going to explode with happiness as it pounded strongly in your chest. Your eyes opened when you broke apart, a wide smile splitting his face making his expression pure and open but as you watched it fell, the smile dimmed and his eyes looked down as though he was ashamed of feeling like this.

“What’s wrong?” You felt his hand try to leave yours and you gripped him tighter. “Talk to me.”

“I can’t…”

“Yes,” you forced his face to look at you, his warm eyes magnetising to yours straight away. “Yes you can. You can tell me anything.”

“You won’t look at me the same.” You could feel the panic begin to creep up inside you but you fought it down.

“I have waited so long for you,” you whispered. He sighed heavily, his eyes moving from yours.

“That makes it even worse.” He said as he stood. You watched him limp away, feeling the emptiest you’d ever felt. Was he rejecting you? You’d heard of it but it happened very rarely and only in extreme circumstances, soulmates not coming together. But you’d felt it, the connection between you only for him to turn his back on you. You, who had been thinking he was dead for years and now he was here. Actually here. You looked down at the name scrawled on your wrist and you realised you weren’t going to let him go without a fight.

[bookishofalder]

Night Changes [Eight]

Summary: 34 ABY.

Warnings: Angst, smut (a large amount of smut!), fluff but it’s sad, I’m sorry this one hurts. WC—+12K

A/N: Wow I can’t wait to get your feedback on this. BUCKLE UP!

34 ABY - Location Unknown - Aboard Star Destroyer ‘Finalizer’

“I had no idea we had the best pilot in the resistance on board,” A cold, modulated voice woke Poe from his troubled slumber—his pathetic attempt at rest, considering he was strapped upright, his hands and legs restrained from moving at all.

The First Order goons had been on him for hours before finally giving up, realizing with each slice into his skin or blow into his side that he only grinned wider. He wasn’t going to give up anything, even if they pulled his eyes from his head, and they seemed to understand that and left him alone, he wasn’t sure for how long now. He’d assumed they’d left him to die.

He tilted his head up, his neck protesting at the movement before his eyes landed on the figure across the dark room. The man was tall, covered from head to toe in black, his face covered by a dark helmet. The modulated, amused-sounding voice spoke again when Poe made no reply, “Comfortable?”

“Not really,” He admitted, glaring even though he was curious as to who this new arrival was. He didn’t seem bothered by Poe’s sarcasm.

“I’m impressed,” The First Order man stepped closer to him as he spoke, “No one has been about to get out of you what you did with the map.”

Poe looked where he guessed the man’s eyes would be, “You might want to rethink your technique.” He challenged, his body tensing in preparation for whatever violence it was about to endure.

Only, the man reached up a gloved hand, palm open towards him. For a beat Poe was confused.

For a beat, nothing.

And then the oddest sensation, like a hand dipping beneath his skull and squeezing his brain, and he almost gasped. He let out a small breath, his eyes dropping from the masked man because—he needed to focus, to push this pain away, to prevent...what was he doing to him?

The pain and pressure doubled and Poe slammed his head back into the headrest, unable to hold in his pained groan, his entire body protesting at the invasion. He tried to push at it, but there was nothing he could find to push against, it was invisible, it was nothing.

The man tilted his head, “Where is it?”

Ah, he was trying to get to the map. In Poe’s brain, using a-a something that he’d only ever heard tales about, never seen, thought was long gone. He hadn’t been prepared for this sort of attack, this form of torture that seemed to make his brain want to cooperate, just for relief.

He thought of you, then, and what you said any time there was a close call, an enemy with the upper hand. It spilled out of his lips, automatically, “The Resistance will not be intimidated by you.”

The pressure increased again and fuck, fuck if it didn’t hurt worse than any other pain in his life, the pain of losing Charlie, of losing you, the pain of stab wounds or blasters to the leg. This hurt so much worse and he wanted it to stop but he couldn’t let it—as long as he was in pain, the information was safe. He’d go down burning, he had to!

“Where is it?” The man sounded frustrated, his hand moving closer to Poe as that pressure continued to build and build and he had to swallow it, let it happen, let the pain exist.

He tried something, then, in desperation. Poe let his brain flood with the memories he had of you, each one like a movie, and thrust them toward his interrogator, let him see the most vivid thoughts he had instead of the location of the map.

Poe stared down at you, his eyes threatening to blur with the tears he was shedding, and he had to keep blinking to clear his vision. You looked beautiful, standing before him in a simple lace dress, your lower lip trembling as you gave your vows.

“...and that was how we met, on the day of your mother’s funeral—the woman whose ring I’ll wear now, honouring her. Honoring you. I’ve loved you my whole life, Poe Dameron...”

“Pretty,” The man murmured, and Poe wasn’t sure if it was working or not so he kept thinking of the day he married you, pushing the memories at the man before him.

You were wiping at your tears as he spoke, holding your hands tightly in his own and working hard to keep himself from sobbing through his vows.

“...you and I were never honest with each other like we should have been. We built up our whole lives around each other, and then we lost Charlie,” He paused there, leaving a moment of space for your brother. “And we crumbled, each in our own way because we didn’t have a solid foundation. The truth is, the day Charlie died there were only two ways that could have gone, and we both know that the version where you died, where he didn’t save you, was never really an option. And I was-was angry at him for doing it but angrier at myself for how happy I was that I didn’t lose you. And now we’ve come back to each other and we have that foundation and I’m going to spend the rest of my life making up for lost time, sweetheart.”

He pushed the memories from his mind. As if eager for the man to see the greatest moments of his life. Like a movie. Because he had to protect the map, he had to.

And he didn’t need to protect you any longer.

The last memory slipped through, he hadn’t meant to think of it. Tried not to, always-but he was weak and the pressure and pain were blinding him. It just appeared, and the man saw it, Poe knew he did when he saw his head tilt a little more as if interested in what he saw.

“Pity,” That cold, modulated voice didn’t sound like he thought it was a pity at all. “Well she certainly can’t have it, can she? Tell me where it is.”

The hand hovering in front of Poe’s face twisted and the pressure on his brain increased rapidly until he couldn’t bear it any longer and he let himself scream, and scream, and scream...

Right before he passed out, he thought first of BB8 hurrying away with the map on Jakku. And then Poe thought of you, his beautiful wife, and how fucking much he already missed you.

Life was now so surreal to Poe, in the best ways, that just the knowledge he could touch you whenever he wished made it difficult to stop himself from doing just that. A hand trailing down your back, a brush of his lips against your temple, his body pressed against yours, even reaching up to cup your cheek. And while you seemed to enjoy the attention, often shooting him little smiles that made his insides warm, he could see that currently, it was irritating you.

“Poe, we’re supposed to be blending in here and if you keep giving me those ‘I’ve seen you naked’ eyes it’s going to attract attention.” You carefully adjusted the scarf you wore, which served both to protect you from the suns of Tatooine, and keep anyone in Mos Espa from being able to identify you.

Poe wore one similar around his neck, his hair gelled back in a way he thought looked awful (and confirmed when he’d stepped out of the ship’s fresher earlier and you laughed, hard). Today’s mission was more personal, though it had been approved by General Organa. Jess Pava had located, purely by accident, the location of the Twi’lek man, Dario, who had tried to capture you and Poe back on Takodana months prior after giving over First Order intel. He was in hiding from both the Resistance and the First Order now.

Poe sighed dramatically, dropping his hands to his sides as you continued walking, his eyes sweeping the crowds of the busy city street, “I can’t help it. We’re still in the honeymoon phase.” He argued, and you giggled in response.

“We’ve been married five weeks, Poe, the honeymoon phase is the entire first year.”

Poe mulled this over, biting back his smile so as not to stand out to those passing by in the opposite direction. He still couldn’t believe you had agreed to marry him if he was honest. It all felt too good to be true, but if there was one thing he’d learned as a Rebel all these years it was to enjoy the good while he could—he wasn’t spending a lot of time ruminating. He was instead regularly replaying in his mind how quickly you’d said yes, the excitement and joy and adoration that had split your face into a wide grin as he kneeled before you the morning after your feelings for one another finally came out.

“Let’s get married, flyboy.” You’d said, and he’s not sure he would ever come down from the high those words provided.

It had been a bit of a whirlwind, after that. You had still needed a few days' rest to get your voice healed up, and Poe was only able to spend that day with you before being called back to duty. While he’d been gone on a mission, you had organized everything from the comfort of his room, first telling only your closest friends—Tahla, Temmin and Kare. Then you had located the base officiant to ask for her to wed you and Poe in a private ceremony upon Poe’s return.

It was amusing how everyone took the news. You’d described to Poe how Temmin and Kare had high-fived one another, while Tahla had merely laughed, nodding his head in an annoyingly knowing way.

When Poe had arrived back on base, he’d sought you out in his room to find you being examined by Tahla and a medical droid, the former happily declaring that your voice was as good as new. He had then congratulated you each on the happy news and assured you both that he could remain for the ceremony with a cheeky sort of grin.

Poe married you the very next morning. The ceremony was small, just you and Poe, your three friends and the officiant. BB8 had also been present, happily beeping the moment Poe began to cry-which was around the time when you’d surprised him by taking your father’s wedding band from his droid and presenting it for Poe. You told him that as much as you were meant to wear his mother’s wedding band, the same went for him wearing your fathers. You said Charlie would have wanted it to end up in his hand, regardless of who he married, anyway. Poe had replied that he was always going to marry you.

That had been, quite easily, the best day of his entire existence.

After the ceremony, Poe had whisked you off to a nearby beach, the flight a mere ten minutes, where you would enjoy a short three-day honeymoon together camping, surrounded by nothing but sand and water, sunshine during the day and the stars twinkling by night. Temmin had helped Poe to pack camping supplies and promised to keep BB8 safe as he and Kare went off with the droid on a mission alone.

He made love to you on that beach—sand got everywhere, of course, so he took you again in the water that you’d entered naked with the intent to clean up. And again in the tent after dinner. He woke in the middle of the first night and spent a good twenty minutes eating you out before you’d woken, your orgasm ripping through you moments later when you realized what he’d been doing. You’d returned the favour the next night, pulling Poe from a deep sleep by sucking his cock so expertly he saw stars, then drinking down everything he’d given you when he came while moaning sinfully.

“Alright,” You drew his attention from his thoughts—thankfully as he was starting to get hard thinking of the honeymoon. Stepping out of the way of foot traffic, you peered nonchalantly across the road at a grubby-looking cantina. “Jess said he’s in there about this time every day. We just have to wait for him to come out.”

“Uh-huh,” Poe stepped closer to you, an eyebrow quirked, “And not shoot him on sight, right Major?”

You bristled immediately, “I am not going to kill him. Here.” You jerked your chin up stubbornly and Poe chuckled, leaning down and capturing your kips against his softly.

When he pulled back, you threw him a mock glare, “You shouldn’t get me all worked up when you know we don’t have the ship to ourselves, Commander.” You made busywork of adjusting your scarf, eyes back on the cantina.

Poe grinned down at you, “We could knock Dario out-“

“Yeah? And what about our dear Captain? You think Snap would mind?”

He blinked, momentarily having forgotten Temmin was waiting on the ship for them, even though Poe had been the one to ask him along as backup.

“Shit,” He mumbled, and you rolled your eyes goodnaturedly.

He let you think he was annoyed at the lack of privacy, but the truth was Poe had asked Temmin along because he had become extraordinarily overprotective of you since the wedding. After the honeymoon, you’d rejoined him in the field and the first moment he saw you with your blaster at your hip, something inside of him had just...snapped.

He’d realized after your attack on Canto Bight that losing you wasn’t an option, that your life was worth more than winning the war to Poe. It had scared him, to think like that, and everything after that had happened in such quick succession that he’d pushed the thoughts back. But then that first mission together as a married couple had occurred and he realized how intense those protective, selfish thoughts were. And he was being selfish—because you were one of the best fighters, best pilots, the Resistance had. Which was why you’d been brought to D’Qar to join his team in the first place, of course. Limiting your fieldwork would have been as much as a disservice to the Rebels as it would have been to his marriage, so he didn’t even consider asking you to stop.

Well, he’d only considered it very briefly.

He knew what you would say, if he did ask, anyway. And truly, his belief in your capabilities hadn't diminished in the slightest; he simply couldn’t fathom the idea of you being hurt. Even here on Tatooine, he was keenly aware of all possible threats to you—to YOU, not to the Rebels, not himself. Hell, at that very moment he could see you were covered in a layer of sweat, courtesy of the over-hot planet, and the urge to whisk you somewhere cool and out of the sun was almost as powerful as his desire to complete this mission.

He was aware that his scales were not, in fact, balanced.

No, they’d tipped right over in your favour, though he kept you unaware of that knowledge, and every day now was a struggle when Black team was on a mission. The best he could think to do was bring back up, just in case, and always keep you close to him. If he had to jump in front of gunfire for you, he would in a heartbeat.

If he ever started to feel guilty over these feelings, he would think of your brother. Charlie would, no doubt, be thrilled that Poe and you had married, that Poe had officially made you his top priority.

D’Qar Five Weeks Ago

“I know I said you didn’t have to help,” Poe crawled towards you on the makeshift bed you’d put together inside the tent, his voice low, “But I’m glad you did, sweetheart. Got us to this part quicker.” He wiggled his brows at you and you giggled, your eyes following his movements hungrily as he climbed over your body.

“What if I tired myself out, flyboy?”

Poe smirked, pressing his body over yours, “That’s okay, sweetheart. I can take care of you, just relax for me.” He began to kiss a trail up your neck and along your jaw, lifting one hand to gently coax you to settle into the cushions. You allowed your warm body to go limp, signalling a trust in Poe he still had trouble feeling worthy of, and let out a small sigh of content.

He wasted no time in ridding you of your clothing, immediately devouring newly exposed skin with his mouth as he did. He was marvelling over how much his life had changed in the last week, how incandescently happy he was. When a whimper fell from your lips as he circled his tongue over one of your nipples, he drew back and saw your eyes blown wide with lust.

“You’re such a tease.” You mumbled, reaching down to palm his erection over his khakis. Grinning widely, he leaned away and quickly stripped himself before bringing his body to settle over yours again, this time skin to skin. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, holding him close.

“Oh sweet girl,” He murmured into your ear as he reached between your bodies to run two fingers through your slick, “So wet for me already.” He withdrew his hand and gently rocked his hips forward, moving slowly as he sunk into you, a gasp falling from his lips at the sensation of your tight heat clenching around him. Perfect, you were utterly perfect.

Your back arched slightly as Poe filled you, angling to allow him to sink deeper, “Poe, Stars!” You whimpered, your hands sinking into his curls while he lazily worked his hips, drawing sweet little noises from your lips. It wasn’t the first time you’d made love that day, yet the intense desire you felt for one another was clear, heavy in the air around you, drawing you back to each other as nothing else could.

Being with you like this felt too good to be true, the sort of euphoria that must come with a limit, and so he savoured every second, drawing each thrust out as long as he could as he peppered your pretty face with kisses. “I love you...wife.” He joked, and you giggled beneath him, your legs tightening at his waist.

“I love you too, husband.”

You pressed at his chest then, signalling your desire to flip over, and Poe clutched your hips as he rolled, keeping himself buried within you as he laid on his back. When you relaxed atop him, his cock sunk even deeper and he grunted at the sensation, “Fuck, baby, so tight for me.”

With a moan, you started to move, rolling your hips to keep him deep within you and chasing your own pleasure, hands braced on his chest to hold yourself steady. Watching as you rode him, your breasts jiggling temptingly and skin gleaming with sweat, was one of the hottest things he’d ever seen. He never wanted to leave this beach.

“That’s it, sweet thing, bounce on my cock,” He gritted out, lifting his arms and grabbing at your tits, “Be as loud as you need, baby, no one can hear us out here, fuck.” His head dropped back onto the pillows as a wave of pleasure seemed to roll through your body, the resulting tightening around his cock pulling loud grunts from him and threatening to make him cum.

You started a steady stream of moans then, your pace remaining consistent as you whimpered and cursed, the hands on his chest pressing hard enough that he could tell you were attempting to prevent him from taking over; you wanted to be in control. The realization made his cock twitch, and you seemed to sense his thoughts as you glanced down and bit your lip, meeting his gaze.

“Poe, I’m so close,” You sighed, and he let go of one of your hips to rub his thumb over your clit, circling just how he knew you liked it, how he’d learned over the past few days.

The resulting orgasm rocked your entire body before you seized up and he swore your pussy was gripping him almost too hard, and then he was coming too. It was different, in a good way—he wasn’t moving his hips at all, yet you were milking his cock as you came around him, your hips still moving back and forth, and the surprise of it made Poe come even harder, “Oh stars, sweetheart!” He grunted, his entire body twitching until you finally collapsed and he caught you, holding you close while you both panted heavily.

“Poe?” You whispered, your face nuzzled into his neck.

Poe’s arms tightened around you and he kissed your hair, “Yeah, sweetheart?”

“I’m starving. No more sex, please feed me.”

Laughing, Poe lifted you lightly, each of you groaning at the sensation as he slipped from you and your mixture of fluids spilled out onto his thigh.

“Okay, sweet girl, let’s eat.”

It went without saying that you would enjoy one another for dessert.

You perked up suddenly, eyes still on the cantina, and Poe casually glanced over his shoulder. Spotting Dario ambling out of the door, he felt a lick of heat crawl up his spine; that asshole had pointed a blaster at you. He was going to turn you both over to the First Order, who would have tortured and killed you. Maybe Poe should have been more concerned that he would kill Dario, rather than arrest the motherfu-

“Let’s go.” You grabbed Poe’s arm and tugged, starting forward as Dario turned to walk up the road. Considering the Twi’lek was in hiding, he didn’t exactly hasten to return to the comfort and safety of his temporary home. It was easy to catch him up, and you tossed Poe a delighted little smile before surreptitiously unholstering your blaster and pressing into Dario’s back.

Dario made to turn, a small noise of surprise huffing out, but Poe threw an arm around his shoulder before he could see you and smiled. “Dario, dear friend, it’s good to see you.” He tightened his hold to an uncomfortable pressure.

“Ah, fuck.” Dario grumbled, putting up no fight. His eyes widened when you used your free hand to search him for weapons and pulled out his old blaster, tucking it into your waistband.

“Fuck is right,” You hissed, pressing the blaster a little harder into his back, “You’re coming with us, Dario. The Resistance has questions for you.”

Poe smiled at you proudly as you each led Dario through the streets towards the waiting ship. He saw you biting back your smile—you were much better at acting appropriate in the field than he was, though he had to admire his strength; the urge to kill Dario on sight had almost made him see red.

But that would have made the mission a failure, as Dario could have information the Rebels could use, and getting him out of the reach of the First Order ensured that he could not give them information about the Resistance.

Still, Poe would ensure his capture was far from comfortable.

Poe’s hand had found its way to your lower back, where he pressed it gently as you walked along beside him from your post-mission check in with the General. “You didn’t need to punch Dario the second time, Flyboy.” You teased, the memory of Poe punching the traitor before pushing him into the base’s lock-up making your lips tug up at the corners.

He laughed, shrugging as you weaved through the busy hallways, both nodding polite greetings to those you passed. Everyone referred to you as Major Dameron, now that word had spread through the base these past six weeks that Poe Dameron and (y/n) Horn had been married. You knew for certain you’d never been happier in your life, and based on how Poe could barely keep his hands off of you, he was enjoying life just as much.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to just tag along for your check-up?”

You rolled your eyes, glancing up at your husband with mild exasperation, “Poe, it’s an annual,” You reminded him, stopping in your tracks to step close to him and peer up at his handsome face, “Go work on your mission report and I’ll see you in the room later, alright?”

When he merely grinned at you mischievously, you giggled before sliding your hands up to the back of his neck, pulling him down to you. He pressed a soft kiss to your lips first, something you noticed he did a lot, as though he were testing that he was still allowed to kiss you. He then cupped your jaw in his hands and met you again, this time in the sort of kiss that made your knees shake, his tongue tracing along your lips teasingly before he pulled back and pressed a more chaste peck to your forehead.

“See you later, sweetheart.” He murmured, his tone suggesting your evening would be a long continuation of that kiss. You felt very warm when you smiled up at Poe before spinning and walking down the hall to the med bay, fully aware his eyes were on your ass.

The med bay was fairly quiet when you arrived, the nurse at the main desk seemed to be peering off at nothing, lost in thought. You cleared your throat awkwardly and she started before a polite smile appeared and she rolled her eyes at herself.

“Sorry about that,” She said, and you waved your hand to show there was no need, “What can I help you with?”

“I have an annual, Major H-um, Major Dameron.”

The nurse smiled more broadly and winked at you before standing, “Come with me, dear.” She led you through to the back, past the emergency section and into the further depths where offices and operating rooms were located. She gestured for you to enter a doorway you had plenty of times before, where annual checkups and post-mission physicals were done. “The medical droid will start on your readings after you change into your gown and the Healer will be here shortly.”

You thanked the nurse before she left, then walked over to the bed and plucked the gown from where it was folded. You changed out of your clothing quickly before tugging it on, then hopped onto the bed to wait. When the droid came in moments later, you stuck out your arm and let it begin its work taking your blood pressure, a small sample of blood, examining your eyes and ears, everything all so routine you were as zoned out as the nurse had been when you arrived.

A younger female Healer walked in as the droid took your temperature, smiling warmly. “Good afternoon, Major. I’m Healer Boyd.”

“Nice to meet you, Healer Boyd,” You replied, watching as she looked down at the droids readings displayed now on her tablet. All was quiet for a few minutes until the droid was at the implant in your arm performing the routine scan. The droid beeped after the first scan, then scanned again and this caught your attention as you’d never needed multiple scans to get a reading on the birth control implant.

Healer Boyd glanced up from her tablet and walked over to the droid, “Let’s do that once more, please.” She directed, and the droid repeated the scan once more, then beeped indignantly. Her eyes narrowed fractionally in confusion and she stepped up to you, her hand reaching for your arm, “I’m just going to have a feel, seems the implant isn’t giving a reading—which I have seen before; we might switch it out today.”

Her fingers gently prodded around the skin until she pinched up a small section of your upper arm and the droid attempted the scan again. The Healer hummed when the droid beeped indignantly, and then walked over to a supply cabinet and began riffling around.

“I thought these implants lasted longer before needing to be changed out?”

“Usually, yes, but sometimes the implant does have to get exchanged earlier, it’s not an exact science,” She turned and settled onto a stool next to you, offering you a smile, “But that’s why we do the scans. And of course, the implant still does its job while it’s in your arm. I’m just going to ask you to lie down for me while I do the switch...that’s great thank you.”

You closed your eyes once you were laying on your side, grateful the procedure was painless but not interested in seeing it for yourself. The Healer worked quietly while extracting the implant and you had begun to mull over how they even worked, your medical knowledge in the area fairly basic, when she made a sudden noise of surprise.

You glanced up at her, then followed her startled gaze to the implant held in the extraction prongs. Even you could tell it looked wrong like the tiny medical device had been set on fire, no longer sleek but rather mangled and lifeless.

Healer Boyd stared at the device for a few beats, then looked up at you. “I’m going to have to make a call.”

You waited impatiently for half an hour for Healer Boyd to return, no longer laying on the bed but instead pacing around the small room nervously. You seriously hoped you weren’t about to find out you had some sort of disease or illness, because that seemed like the sort of luck you would have. Though you hadn’t ever heard of any that disintegrated medical devices.

When the Healer did finally reappear, the expression on her face was tightly pleasant, like she was readying herself. “Major, I’ve just been in touch with Healer Martell and his team,” She began, gesturing for you to take a seat.

Tahla had gone back to the outpost he worked from the day after your wedding. So why he was the one Healer Boyd had called only further confused you. “Okay, why...” You trailed off, swallowing heavily.

“I believe you were told that the pollen you and Commander Dameron were exposed to during your mission earlier this year was very rare. So rare in fact that some after-effects are unknown,” She glanced at her droid, which moved forward and began to bandage up your arm where the implant had been removed from, first peeling off the gauze that had been placed there temporarily. You watched with narrowed eyes—they still needed to put in a new one. “And we haven’t ever had a situation where those who were exposed were left untreated for as long as you and your husband were. I ran a few tests on the device while I spoke to Healer Martell. It appears the long-term exposure allowed the pollen to...treat the device as white blood cells would a foreign contaminant.”

You stared, “The pollen destroyed the implant?”

“Yes,” She replied slowly, taking her stool and sitting on it directly in front of you now, “Of course, checking the implant was never a thought-we’ve simply never seen this before. Your implant hasn’t been working since around the time you and the Commander collapsed on base.”

You didn’t understand why she was sitting so close, nor why the droid had left your arm bandaged. “But I can get a new implant, right? Tahla assured me-assured us both, that we no longer have pollen in our systems.” You tried to keep your voice steady, unsure of what emotion you were even experiencing at the moment, just that you could feel it bubbling up inside of you.

“He was correct, you both are free of the pollen. And we can put a new implant in, however not at this time,” And she reached out then, her hand grasping one of yours firmly, “You’re pregnant, Major. Based on today’s check-up, it appears you are about six weeks along.”

Well, fuck.

The first thing Poe noticed when you walked into the room was the bandage on your arm. He’d been sitting at the desk, typing out his report, when you arrived, your expression unreadable.

“Sweetheart,” He shot out of the chair and crossed the room in two strides, one hand landing on your cheek and the other gesturing at your arm, “Did a med droid malfunction?”

You laughed, “No, I’m alright,” Your voice was an octave higher than usual, and your eyes were glassy, not meeting his but instead looking somewhere over his shoulder. “Do you think Charlie would be proud of me? Of how far I’ve come, that I hold the same rank as he did?”

Caught off guard by the question, Poe glanced behind him and found you were staring at the picture of the three of you he had on his corkboard. “Yes, of course, he would,” Concern now flooding him, Poe led you to the bed and helped you take a seat. You still didn’t meet his eyes, your expression torn. “Charlie was proud of you before you even joined the Resistance. Once you did join—hell, he bragged about you all the time.”

“And you? You’re proud of me?”

Poe stared at you for a beat before dropping to his knees in front of where you sat. Sliding between your legs, he gripped your thighs tightly, “What’s going on? Did you get pulled from duty? Are you sick?”

You shook your head, then dropped it to Poe’s shoulder where he could hear you taking slow, measured breaths. “They didn’t pull me. But they suggested different duties.” Poe wrapped his arms around you and hugged you tight, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before pushing you back so that he could look at you again. You bit your lip, your eyes flicking to his and then away. Poe waited as patiently as he could for you to elaborate. “They said—it might be best for me to keep away from the riskier missions. From combat. Because of my condition.”

Poe frowned, his stomach tying itself up in knots of concern, “Condition?”

He saw it then, a brief flash of the emotion you were holding back—joy. It was fleeting like you were scared of it, but it made the whole odd conversation you were now having with him make a little more sense, made your next words a little less shocking.

“I’m pregnant, Poe. My implant was destroyed by the pollen before we...” You trailed off, rubbing your hands over your face and then meeting his gaze again, “They said about six weeks along, so still early which is why I haven’t had any symptoms.”

Poe had lived his life since joining the Resistance with the knowledge that each day that he didn’t get hurt, captured, or killed, was a day to celebrate. After Charlie had died, and you had left, he realized that a single moment could alter his entire existence. One night could change everything, and he only had so much control.

You coming back into his life, that had been a gift. After forgiving one another for the past, you had a chance for a fresh start. And he’d been happy with that, just knowing you were his friend again and that you cared for him--it was enough.

But then you’d told him you loved him. And it had been like every moment, every breath he’d ever taken, had been leading up to that night-as right as it felt, that feeling of coming home, joining his body with yours. Finally saying everything he’d held in for so long, that was as good as life could get. It was perfection, and he had no right to demand more—until he did, and he asked you to marry him, and you’d said yes so quickly and smiled so widely that he remembers, distinctly, thinking to himself, ‘yes, this is enough.’

Pregnant.

The reality of having a child when you were soldiers in the war against the tyranny of the First Order, weighed heavily over the good news. But his first emotions, which hit him like a tsunami, were of radiant joy, the best kind of tears springing into his eyes as he gazed at you, his beautiful wife, his best friend, his soulmate, in wonder. Because surely, even though it was unexpected, life could not be this good? He wanted to ask you to pinch him, just to prove he wasn’t asleep and dreaming up this life with you, but he found words hard to come by, so he smiled broadly.

You had been watching him warily, but the moment his face split into a painfully wide grin, your own broke through and for a minute you just looked at one another, soaking up that happy, astonishing feeling.

“Sweet girl,” He breathed after a while, tears still blurring his vision, “Maker I—pregnant? Are you...how do you feel?”

“Physically, normal? I don’t know about the rest of me, I think I’m in shock.”

Poe reached one hand up to cup your jaw, stroking his thumb over your lips, “Have you...did you, uh,” He paused, wanting to word this right. He knew he didn’t need to ask you but was determined to treat you with the respect you deserved. It was your body, your choice, and the reality was you had that implant for a reason—he could not just assume your willingness, he had to be sure, to let you know he supported any decision you made. “I will support you here, no matter what you want to do, alright sweetheart? I know this is...this is huge.”

Your eyes flicked up to meet his and Poe saw a flurry of emotions cross your features as you considered the implication of his words. “Thank you,” You reached up and placed your hand over the one he had cupping your jaw, “This is huge...and unexpected, and fucking terrifying. I’ve thought about us starting a family, you know—one day. But this is, Maker, Poe, this is our baby. Ours.” You brought both hands cradle over your stomach, a mixture of protectiveness and happiness colouring your words.

The sight of your hands pressed where you were growing his child, the way you spoke so strongly, it did something to Poe. Like it was the final piece of his life, slotting into place and completing him, his chest expanding from the force of it all. He suddenly felt stronger, wiser—and more in love with you than ever, if that was even possible.

He reached out somewhat tentatively, placing a hand over the top of yours where it rested on your so far unchanged stomach, his eyes moving upward until he met your gaze. You drew in a breath at the expression on his face, your eyes widening.

“Ours,” He repeated, his voice low and thick with emotion, “Our family.” He leaned forward then, and captured your lips in a soft kiss, losing himself in the moment. You kissed him back eagerly, your eyes on his lips when he eventually drew back.

“I realize what this means—what keeping the baby will mean,” You admitted sadly, “Even without the Healer’s recommendation, I understand I can’t go into the field any longer. You and I were already blurring the lines of protocol to keep each other safe.”

Poe nodded in agreement, his hand tightening slightly at your stomach, “You are sacrificing a lot to do this, sweetheart. Please know that I understand and I’ll do anything I can to make sure you’re happy. I’ll talk to Leia in the morning, ensure we get you a good assignment here.” He felt a little helpless, now, realizing that you had nine months of pregnancy to endure and he could only do so much to help you.

“We’re going to figure this out,” You spoke almost as much to yourself as to Poe, your brows pinching together, “Family comes first, always. So we’ll figure this all out. Together.”

Outwardly, Poe nodded and smiled at you encouragingly. Inside, however, a spark illuminated the stark reality--that he was currently sitting with the love of his life, who was pregnant with his child, in the secret base for the Resistance.

Arguably one of the most dangerous places in the galaxy.

34 ABY - D’Qar

Five months pregnant.

Shit, you were exhausted.

It had been another long day. You wanted to blame the baby for draining your energy, but you knew that it wasn’t realistic—you were more mentally exhausted than anything.

Anytime Poe was away for more than a few days at a time, your anxiety spiked and you had trouble focusing on much else. You had surprised yourself, when you first found out you were pregnant, over how quickly the resolve to pull yourself from combat and flight had come over you. You didn’t even miss flying because Poe would bring you out for ‘test flights’ whenever he could get the time, give you a chance to stretch your wings, figuratively, and break any monotony in your schedule.

But you didn’t find your new job boring, because you worked directly for General Organa. You advised and planned and aided her on the daily, in whatever capacity needed, which sometimes allowed you to get a glimpse of the kind of horrors the First Order was performing across the galaxy and it only fueled your internal fire to work hard-not just for her, but for everyone. For the oppressed, those captured, those who had been lost, and especially for your little family. If you could bring this baby safely into the galaxy and give them a good home, then it was easily worth the long hours.

But you worried constantly over Poe. He was out there with Temmin and Kare on dangerous missions; you could do nothing to calm your nerves, and it drained you. Sometimes there were several days between communications and you would inevitably begin to spiral, convincing yourself he was captured or dead, always waiting for the dream that was being married to your best friend to turn into a nightmare.

His missions lately had been especially dangerous, as Black team had been finalizing the search for pieces of a map that lead to Luke Skywalker, Leia’s brother. The infamous Jedi went missing after a tragic event no one knew the details of. Even Leia kept that one close, and you never tried to ask. She simply told you that it felt necessary to bring Luke back, not only because he was her brother but to fight the First Order. That was enough for you—if you could bring your brother back, you would stop at nothing to do it.

When you reached the door to your shared room with Poe, your eyes fell heavily shut, relying on your memory of the space to shuffle forward, contemplating if you could manage a shower while this tired or if you should just go straight to bed. You were convincing yourself to shower when an amused voice cut through the air, startling you.

“Are you sleepwalking, sweet girl?”

Your eyes snapped open to find Poe sitting on the edge of the bed, his flight suit discarded on the floor nearby so that he only wore his briefs and a white tee.

“Poe!” You gasped, launching yourself across the room and into his waiting arms. “Stars, you’re home! I thought you’d be gone longer.” He pulled you onto his lap as you spoke, settling you against him and wrapping his arms securely around you before burying his face into your neck. He inhaled you deeply, a new habit he’d established since you’d left Black team as if grounding himself with you.

His breath was warm against your skin when he spoke, “We were able to wrap things up quickly,” He tightened his hold on you with one arm so that he could reach between your bodies with the other and gently place his hand over the slight belly you now had. “How are you two doing? You look so tired, sweetheart.” His tone was laced with worry that you knew you wouldn’t be able to fully quell.

“We’re doing good, Poe, really. Remember what Healer Boyd said—“

Poe sighed, his lips tugging up at the corners, “It’s exhausting work, growing a human?”

You nodded and gave him your best grin, though you imagined it was more sleepy than anything. You studied your husband, from the worry in his face to the bags under his own eyes, the tension in his jaw.

You had sensed there was something he wasn’t saying for a while now but hadn’t figured out how to ask him what was going on. You had no real reason to suspect he was keeping anything from you, it was more of a feeling, and you didn’t want to cause him further stress by accusing him of anything without a better idea of whether you were right.

You usually ended up convincing yourself it was just the weariness and nerves of becoming a parent, a feeling you shared. With how unexpected your pregnancy had been, and the fact that he was off-world more often than not, he must have been feeling a great amount of guilt and concern. So you leaned forward and pressed your lips to his, to distract yourself from everything. To welcome him home and show him you were just fine, that you missed him.

Every time he came home from a mission, the reunions ended up like this—it was like the relief only lasted so long, therefore you each needed to try and extend that feeling by getting yourselves as close to one another as possible. Skin to skin, bodies entwined, the assurance that you were safe and loved. Your hormones were such that even just a casual look from your husband ensured you became slick with need, and it was as though Poe was experiencing his own version of the same, meeting your insatiable desire with his own at every turn.

You loved the feel of him stretching you, tonight you’d barely been able to get out of your pants before he was pulling you back onto his lap and driving into you, the need to feel one another outweighing the parts that usually preceded; foreplay, clothing removal. You were already soaking and ready for him, rolling your hips as he scooted further onto the bed so that he could brace himself to thrust upward. When he found that angle, the one that made you see stars, you let yourself scream; for him, for more, for everything.

Poe delivered, never faltering in his need to ensure you reached your peak over and over, as though he couldn’t feel pleasure unless you did. You’d never known such an unselfish lover as Poe, and it made you love him even more. Even if sometimes, you thought you might combust from the way he pleasured you, or the way he spoke when making love to you.

The reality was, you and Poe had only just begun to explore one another fully when you found out you were expecting. Newlyweds, your relationship still fresh, and then you were with child—his child—and you discovered he wasn’t only passion and sweetness and slow lovemaking, he was also commanding, cocky, and you loved it when that side of him came out.

When you’d started to show—your belly bulging slightly and your breast swelling, that part of Poe seemed to evolve, as though the sight of you swollen with his child was the sexiest thing he could ever imagine. And as you pulled your shirt over your head now, you saw that glint in his eye, the way his pupils blew out as he gazed at you, how he bit his lip before letting out a groan that you swore was the single most erotic sound in the galaxy.

“Like what you see?” You teased, running a hand down your body to rest on your bump, your hips still rolling.

Poe growled, his grip on your hips tightening, “Fuck, you are sexy,” He leaned forward and licked over your breasts as he pounded up into you and you whimpered. “Think about you t-the whole time, when I’m gone, sweet girl.”

“I know, Poe, I miss you too. Think about you when I touch myself-”

Poe’s half-lidded eyes widened, and he was suddenly flipping you carefully onto your back on the bed, his breathing erratic, “Is that true, baby? You touch that pretty cunt while I’m g-gone, wish I was here filling you with my cum?”

He started to rut his hips down at a near brutal pace and you cried out in pleasure, unable to find the words to respond. He didn’t like your silence—commanding, dominating Poe now in full force, and he leaned down to bite a mark into your neck, a snarl tearing from his throat.

He needed to hear you admit it.

“W-wish you could fuck me all the time,” You whispered, your voice cracking as he fucked you into the bed, “Isn’t nearly as—oh shit, Poe I’m gonna-“

Your back arched as the pleasure that had been building up inside of you finally snapped--that hot, wet sensation wiped all coherent thought from your mind, stars painting the inside of your eyelids. You heard yourself repeating his name as you soaked the bed with your orgasm, your walls fluttering and clenching around his cock until-

“Oh sweet girl,” He groaned, his hips stilling as he pressed deep into you and spilled his cum, his body shaking from the force of his orgasm; you clutched him close. He didn’t allow any of his weight to fall over you, pulling out slowly before flopping down onto the bed next to you and tugging you into his side. “You okay? Did I got too hard?”

You were panting, completely blissed-out, and it took a moment for his words to register, “Oh, I’m more than okay, flyboy.” Giggling, you rolled onto your side and peered up at Poe, meeting his warm eyes and smiling. “How about you, are you okay?”

You didn’t mean for the level of concern to show in your voice, but it slipped out and he caught on to it immediately, his eyes never leaving yours as he seemed to consider your question.

After a few minutes of silence, he finally spoke, “I’ll be honest with you, sweetheart, I worry about you...things are—they’re getting intense out there. Leaving you here doesn't feel as much like I’m keeping you safe as it once did. If this base is ever discovered, the First Order will make its destruction top priority. They won’t hesitate to kill every single person on this planet.”

His voice was heavy, the words coming out easily enough that you knew he’d been thinking this for a long time. He sat up, sitting crossed-legged on the bed and staring across the room at nothing, and you felt a sense of dread begin to grow at the back of your mind. You suspected you might be closing in on what he’d been keeping from you, and suddenly felt afraid to know.

“Poe, we have a lot of things in place here to keep us safe. There are escape plans.”

Still looking across the room, Poe gave a small nod of his head, “But none can guarantee your safety. I know you worry about me when I’m gone—well I’m fucking terrified for you, too. And I—I...” He stopped talking, his mouth snapping shut as if he had to physically fight to keep the words in and you frowned, watching him.

You sat up, moving slowly and then reaching down to push the comforter off the bed—it would need to be laundered. You had a few extras for this exact reason. Poe was silent as you moved, his eyes staring unseeingly across the room.

“Poe,” You reached out one hand and touched his shoulder, keeping your voice level despite the nerves coiling in your stomach, “Just say...tell me what you’re thinking.”

Silence.

“Poe Dameron, look at me.” You commanded, and his eyes shot up to meet yours, widening in surprise at the fierce expression on your face.

“I—I’ve got another mission,” He began shakily, a hand coming up to rest over yours on his shoulder, “And it’s big. It’ll just be me and a lot could go wrong, and I can’t stand the idea of leaving you here, that you would stay here if something happened to me.”

You opened your mouth to argue that nothing would happen to him, that, of course, you would stay, only he turned suddenly and brought both hands to cup your jaw, the look of fear on his face like nothing you’d ever seen; you’re Poe didn’t scare, he laughed in the face of fear.

“Sweetheart, I’d be letting you down, letting Charlie down, if I failed to protect you. To protect our baby,” He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, and you didn't like how it felt like he was saying something in that kiss. “I spoke to Leia, a few weeks ago. I asked her...begged her to help me keep you safe.”

Your frown deepened, “I work alongside her every day, Poe, I probably have the safest job in the entire Resistance.”

He shook his head, “What I mean is, I asked her where the safest place would be to hide you until this war is over.” Poe was looking at you cautiously now, and you leaned back to assess his face.

His words confused you. You stammered your reply uncertainly, “Hide me? What do you mean—I’m not going-”

Poe’s face tightened, tears now threatening and his voice came out choked, “You know I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t need to, sweet girl. I have to keep you safe, and the truth is if I do get captured and the enemy finds out about you, about both of you, I wouldn’t be able to do that,” Poe dropped one hand to press over your belly, the gesture both sweet and protective. Your ears were ringing, though, and you didn’t have time to appreciate it. “I don’t want to send you away, you know it’s the last thing I’d ever want, but if you go somewhere safe, then I-“

“You can what, Poe? Fight the First Order all on your own? You do realize what you’re saying, right? We both know how this war is going, it could be years before it’s over. Years before...and what if you get caught and they find out where I am? Then what?” You felt your anger and despair growing by the moment, no doubt exacerbated by the flush of hormones coursing through your system.

Poe’s eyes flicked away from yours briefly, and he gulped almost comically before looking back at you and continuing, “Well, Leia thought of that. She seems to think that...our minds aren’t always going to be safe, that the First Order has a weapon that could break through...so she knows where she is going to send you, but I won’t know. No one else will.”

You stared at your husband for a very long, tense moment.

“B-but if you don’t know where I am-“

Poe blinked and several tears began to stream down his face, “It’s the best way, the only way, to do this. And I promise I’ll fight every day to stay alive and then I’ll find you.” He tried to pull you close again only you resisted, pushing his hands away so that you could give him your harshest glare, which he flinched under the heat of.

“What if, Maker forbid, something happens to Leia? I could be anywhere, in any system on any planet, and you’d have no way to find me, you-“ Your voice started to raise, an almost hysterical surge of emotions bubbling up your chest, “It could be years before the war is over and then a decade before you’d be able to find me! That-that’s bullshit, Poe. You’re going to abandon us on some fucking random planet and we could never see you again!”

You were crying now too, the tears blurring your vision as you shouted, refusing to accept this plan. But the sad way he looked at you as he cried told you Poe was serious, that he saw this as the only way forward, and you wanted to fucking scream.

“Sweet girl, I will never abandon you. I love you so much that even if they do somehow capture me, I won’t ever break, I’ll keep fighting and then if I have to tear this entire galaxy apart, I’ll find you. I promise I will find you,” He wiped harshly at his face, then grabbed your hands and held them tightly in his own, his expression desperate, “I want to meet our baby and watch them grow. I want to give them a sibling or two, even, and grow old together. Leia has everything figured out--she’s even going to have my dad flown here; he can go with you, so you won’t be alone.”

You wrenched your hands from Poe’s and shot off the bed, your eyes widening in betrayal, “Leia has everything figured out?” You repeated, and you saw the realization of what his words had revealed flash across his face, “You-when exactly did you think I was going to get shipped off, Poe?”

He didn’t answer, and you thought back to the beginning of this conversation when he’d claimed to have a big mission in a few days. You gaped at him as the realization hit that he was here for the next several days to get you ready to leave.

To say goodbye.

You burst into tears, heavy sobs pulling from your chest because there was no arguing this, was there? If you didn’t go, he could be out there too worried about you to be focused and then it would be your fault, wouldn’t it? And he was right, this base, even if you were glued to Leia twenty-four-seven, was still a hot zone for attack should its location ever be revealed to the First Order.

And did you truly expect to raise your baby on this base? There wasn’t even any space in this room you shared with Poe for a fucking crib, no places you could go to play, no other children for your child to play with. You had known all this the moment you’d found out you were pregnant, but now the reality of it all was crashing down around you because you’d never thought it would mean having to leave Poe. Again.

Another thought occurred to you, and you ignored the way he was trying to soothe you, now sitting on the edge of the bed but keeping his distance, his expression making clear he wanted to pull you back into his arms.

“What if I don’t want any of that?”

Poe tilted his head, confused, “What do you mean?”

“What if I told you I was staying, that I would have the baby and then you could go get shipped off somewhere safe with them, that I wanted to be the one to stay and fight?”

Poe gaped at you only for a beat, “You said—sweetheart, I asked you if you wanted this and you said you did, I thought that meant you wanted to stay with the baby, that you were okay with leaving the fight. I never wanted you to feel forced to do it!”

“I know,” You agreed evenly, your voice hardening, “But I didn’t know that it meant I was going to be fucking shipped away, Poe!”

You saw him falter then, his entire argument crumbling and he slumped where he sat on the edge of the bed, his head falling into his hands, “You’re right...I’m so sorry, of course, I can’t just expect you to...Fuck.” His shoulders shook as he tried to bite back his sobs, and for a moment you stared down at him, his words doing nothing to calm you.

Because he wasn’t wrong. Sure, it was a misstep for him to just assume as the mother that you would be the one to go away and raise the baby, it was old-school thinking. But you were aware of who you married, weren’t you?

He was the best pilot in the Resistance, the strongest fighter, the best of the best. If anyone was going to win this war, it would be your Poe—and while you used to think it would include you being at his side, fighting right along with him, that was no longer the reality. You couldn’t pull the best chance the Rebels had from the fight, and you couldn’t stay and fight yourself.

Which meant you had to leave.

You stepped forward and knelt before Poe, your hands tentatively touching his thighs and he started, his head popping up, “Oh sweetheart, don’t crouch down like that-“

“I’m fine,” You interjected, sliding between his knees and reaching up to cup his face, mirroring the way he’d embraced you so many times before, “And you...you’re right. I’m sorry for—well, I hate how you’ve just sprung this on me, but I know I can’t stay here and raise our baby like this.”

Poe searched your face and you wiped your thumbs under his eyes to clear away the tears, even as the reality of what you were agreeing to settled within you. He shook his head lightly, “I didn’t know how to do this. It’s the last thing...we only just found each other again, the idea of not knowing where you are, not being able to check-in, it terrifies me, sweetheart.”

You sniffled, nodding your head, “You aren’t going to be there when I...” You trailed off, the picture in your head of giving birth without Poe by your side too hard to say aloud. He understood, pulling you close against him as he dropped to the floor, hugging you tightly as you both sobbed.

“I’m so sorry,” He murmured, one hand stroking your hair, “I promise I will find you the moment I can, and I’ll never leave your side again.”

You couldn’t help but think, at that moment, that you had been right.

The dream really was a nightmare.

35 ABY - Aboard The Falcon - Sinta Glacier Colony

Poe looked up as a distant noise sounded, peering around Chewbacca to see a wall of Tie-fighters approaching where they were docked in the Falcon. He shared a terrified look with the Wookie.

“FINN! We’re about to be cooked!” He shouted back, hoping that the transmission of the message from their unknown spy in the First Order was nearly complete-they needed to get going.

“We’re almost there!” Finn hollered back, his voice cutting off as he ran to check R2D2, and after a tense moment...“We’ve got it, Poe!”

Poe didn’t hesitate, meeting Chewie’s eyes briefly before launching the Falcon forward and away from the informant, the knowledge heavy in his mind that there was a good chance Ovissian Boolio was going to be murdered for giving them the message. But there was nothing to be done for it now; this message was of vital importance to the Resistance, they needed to get it back to base.

The Falcon raced through the bay as fighters gained on their rear. Poe had no doubt that Finn was hurrying to the shooter station, but maintained the high speed and steered as carefully as he could. They hit a corner a little close and there was a shudder throughout the ship as it made contact.

Chewie exclaimed worriedly at this, “I’m sorry, I know, I know!” Poe apologized, frantically readjusting as they heard Finn begin to fire from below. He could see a lot of bogeys on the radar still, “Finn, you’re supposed to be getting rid of those things!”

He heard Finn make a noise before he shouted back, “Got one!”

“How many are left?” Poe swivelled in his seat and started making adjustments to the ship's systems, an idea forming in his mind. Not his best, but definitely not his worst.

“Too many!” Came the response from below. Shit.

The next few moments were incredibly tense as they worked together to outmaneuver the enemies on their tail until each one crashed or was shot down by Finn. Adrenaline was running high aboard the Falcon now as the near-death moments started to pile atop one another. Mission success was currently not guaranteed. Your image appeared in his mind briefly, the memory of the last time he had seen you, the love in your eyes.

He swallowed, swerving the ship up and seeing another wall of fighters ahead, “How thick do you think that ice is?” He asked Chewie, who made a loud noise in caution but Poe only gunned it forward, until relief swept through him—they were able to break through, free of the station and in open space now.

There were still fighters in pursuit, though, so they weren’t in the clear yet. Poe gritted his teeth, briefly glancing over his shoulder to see Finn standing behind him, before bringing the ship into light speed. When he pulled back out, most of the ships had managed to follow and after a bit of complicated flying, he put the Falcon back into light speed as Finn shouted in fear from behind him.

“What are you doing?” Finn cried, gripping the back of his seat. Poe fiddled with the controls, fully aware he was pushing the ship to its limits but not willing to go down without exhausting every last effort to survive.

“Light speed skipping,” He grunted in reply, reaching up to set his parameters with one eye on the fighters still in pursuit.

“How do you know how to do that?”

Poe hit the throttle forward, throwing the ship back out of light speed, “My wife.” He replied, leaning forward and steering around the onslaught of obstacles in their direct path, simultaneously readying the ship to jump again. He heard Finn begin to react to the knowledge the Poe had been married, surprise evident in his friend’s tone, but Chewbacca’s words of caution were louder and Poe glared at him instead, “Yeah, well Rey’s not here, is she?”

He gunned it into light speed, then almost as quickly pulled them back out. His stomach was in his throat as a very large, very alive obstacle was now dead ahead, and Poe silently thanked you for having taught him about light speed jumping before readying the ship to jump again.

“Last jump,” He yelled, leaning forward, “Maybe forever-hold on!”

When they landed the Falcon back on Ajan Kloss, Poe was furious beyond all measure. It wasn’t just that he’d nearly died, again. Almost cost the lives of his friends, again. It was that Rey hadn’t been there, and she was one of the best pilots he’d ever met. She was almost as good as him, nearly as good as you had been. He was heartbroken that you weren’t there to fight anymore—but Rey was and yet she chose to stay on base and train when her joining them on a mission like this would have been a much-needed boost, a much greater chance at survival.

They hurried off the Falcon and Poe lingered momentarily to instruct the ground team, “It’s on fire! Whole things on fire!” Maker, he was getting tired of these close calls. He’d been through a lot—survived a great deal, over this last year, but today was close enough that he had felt the hands of death creeping toward him, momentarily.

When he turned away from the burning ship, Rey was approaching, her face excited despite the condition of the Falcon. He marched over to her with his face straining, attempting to keep his cool.

“Hi! There’s a spy?” She asked brightly, her gaze surveying his stiff posture.

Poe huffed, “Really could have used your help out there.” He admitted, unable to keep the vitriol entirely out of his tone.

Rey frowned, then attempted to change the subject. “How’d it go?”

Poe stopped before her, hands landing on his hips, anger flaring, “Really bad, actually. Really bad.”

“Hans ship!” She exclaimed then, gazing over at the burning Falcon and gesturing in dismay.

Before he could reply, BB8 came whizzing up to Poe, beeping excitedly in greeting. At first, he was happy to see the orange and white droid, until he looked down and realized it was pretty beat up. He glared up at Rey, “What did you do to the droid?”

“What’d you do to the Falcon?” She countered stubbornly, her arms crossing.

“Falcon’s in a lot better shape than he is, Rey!” He exclaimed, gesturing at BB8 incredulously. This was why he found her difficult-here she was, safely on base ‘training’, with the one task of minding his droid. And not only did she fail at that, but she also dared to get angry at him for getting Finn and Chewie, the intel, and himself back safely to base.

“BB8 is not on fire, Poe!”

“What’s left of him isn’t on fire!” He shouted, knowing full well that this was about more than his droid and yet struggling to see past his rage and form a proper sentence in Basic.

Rey seemed to sense his anger and took a breath, steadying herself, “Tell me what happened.”

“You tell me first, Rey.” He deadpanned, scowling.

Rey glared straight back at him, holding up her hands in frustration, “You know what you are—you’re difficult. A difficult, stubborn man.”

“You—you are-” Poe cut himself off as he heard Finn call for Rey from behind him, and instead stepped around her to drop before his droid, shaking his head. “You okay, buddy?”

BB8 beeped merrily, sharing with Poe what had happened that afternoon but cutting off to ask if he was alright. Poe sighed, running his hands over his face, but nodded to his droid.

“I’m alright. Just thinking about her a lot today,” He admitted quietly, “Now what happened to you?”

Before BB8 could reply, Chewbacca yelled to Rey and Poe heard his name mentioned before she was walking toward him again, this time with Finn in tow. “You light speed skipped?”

“Yeah, well it got us back here, didn’t it?” He shot back, his hackles raising again. Finn caught Poe’s eye, his expression bright with curiosity—he wanted to know more about you, no doubt.

“You can’t light speed skip the Falcon!” Rey cried in exasperation, her eyes wide and for one moment, Poe wanted to scream. He’d come this close to dying today and had managed to get them all home safely, even if it did mean the Falcon needed a lot of repairs. She couldn’t just thank him, maybe?

His voice was rough when he replied, “Turns out you can, actually.”

Rey’s eyebrows shot up, “How do you even know-“

Finn interjected this time, “Turns out our friend here hasn’t been completely honest with us, eh, Poe?” He grinned, glancing from Rey to Poe, then winked, attempting to diffuse the tension.

With a sigh, Poe frowned before responding. Stepping closer to his friends, he kept his voice low. “That information stays between us, and Chewie, Finn.” He’d mentioned you in the heat of the moment and wasn’t sure if he was ready to talk about you. But he’d spent an awfully long time holding back his truth from Rey and Finn and it was starting to feel wrong.

“What information?” Rey looked between them, confused.

When Poe looked at her, he hesitated, his gaze hardening while he considered what he was about to tell her. He trusted Rey, and Finn for that matter, but he’d chosen to keep quiet about you all this time for a reason, and it was hard to break down those walls and talk about you. He’d built them up to protect himself, to keep his pain and sorrow buried down deep.

Poe pointed between them both, his jaw set, “Between us!” He growled, giving them both a harsh look.

Finn clapped Poe on the shoulder, eyes serious, “Of course it does, man. Between us.” He agreed, and Rey nodded, her eyes wide with curiosity.

Poe hesitated for another moment, and then finally confessed.

“I’m married. You uh...you know about my best friend, Charlie...” Poe began and Rey’s expression became understanding while Finn merely gaped, his brows knitting together now in confusion.

“Charlie died,” Rey whispered sadly, recalling the conversation they’d shared a few months prior after Han had died and they were discussing loss. “And didn’t you say...you told us his sister died too—Maker, Poe-!”

Finn gasped, his face morphing in horror, “Brother, you aren’t saying your wife is d-“

Poe couldn’t even stand to hear the words, so he cut Finn off with a rough shake of his head, peering around to ensure no one overheard. “No, that’s just what Leia and I let everyone believe, who knew her. She’s alive.”

Finn’s shoulders relaxed somewhat, but Rey kept frowning at Poe, her expression uncertain. “Why did people need to think she was dead? She was one of the best fighters we had, wasn’t she? If she’s alive, can’t she come back?”

Poe shook his head, the emotions he’d held in this past year threatening to spill, and he had to pull in a few breaths to focus. He wanted his friends to understand why he kept fighting, why living and winning were so fucking important.

“I had to send her away, not long before I met you, actually, Finn,” Poe smiled at him, “I don’t know where she is, I haven’t seen or heard from her since I said goodbye, back on D’Qar. I had to ensure she was safe, even if I got captured. And no one could get her location out of me if I didn’t know it. So she’s out there, somewhere, and one day I’m going to ask both of you to come with me to meet her.”

He wiped aggressively at his face, hating the tears that spilled, and waited for their replies. At first, they were both quiet, regarding Poe with dawning comprehension, suddenly understanding exactly what he was saying.

Finn was the first to speak, his voice laced with sadness, “You haven’t seen her for over a year?”

Poe shook his head, and Rey reached out and touched his shoulder gently, her eyes softening, “You said you had to send her away...what does that mean, Poe?”

He gazed down at his feet for a moment, and when he looked up he guessed he must not have kept the emotion off of his face, as each of his friends looked at him in surprise, stilling entirely as they waited for him to reply.

“There wasn’t anything in this galaxy that could ever stop her from fighting. She was my second in command, and would still be to this day, only she-” He thought of you then, how you had long since delivered the baby, wondered how that had been for you, whether you’d recovered well. He knew his dad would be doing everything to keep you both comfortable and safe until Poe could come for you all. His heart still ached. “It’s a long story, I guess. But she got pregnant, and we both realized she couldn’t stay on D’Qar—which was the right call, because look what happened there. Leia smuggled her somewhere far away and didn’t tell me a single detail.”

Rey had brought a hand to cover her mouth in shock, while Finn’s grip on his shoulder had tightened substantially. They both stared at Poe, their expressions a mixture of sadness and joy that he felt every day.

“Poe, man, that’s incredible,” Finn breathed, shaking his head slowly, “You have...a family, you have-“

Poe cut him off with a small smile, “I’ve got a wife and a baby out there somewhere. They’re waiting for me to finish this fight and find them.”

Taglist

@mermaidxatxheart @foxilayde @eleinemk @paintballkid711 @mylifeisactuallyamess @20th-centu-fairy-girl @deitysnips @cannedsoupsucks @ubri812 @poedameronloverx @hoeforthefictional @astrological-bitch @itsnottilly @itsdameron @alex-sulli @generousrunawaydonut @wildmoonflower @onlyferorder66 @deanandbobbymcgee @afootnoteinyourhappiness

[knightsolaire22]

Alone

Summary: Lena had always been an extraordinary young woman. The CEO of one of the most successful and wealthiest businesses, designing much of the technology said business sells herself. And despite having a bubbly and joyful best friend, whom she loved more than friends should, Lena Luther couldn’t help but feel…. Alone. A/N: This is a short story from Lena’s POV based on the poem ‘Alone’ by Edgar Allan Poe. It has some mentions of domestical abuse so reader discretion is advised. It can also be found on my Ao3 account: Yuriwarrior1999. I hope you enjoy.  From childhood’s hour she has not been As others were - She has not seen As others saw - She could not bring her passions from a common spring - Lena had always been different from her peers, ever since she was a child. When the Luthors adopted her at the age of four, they pushed their opulent and decadent lifestyle on her. 

She was not allowed to play outside, nor was she even allowed to mingle with the ‘common folk’ as Lillian Luthor had put it. Instead, Lena had to take up ballet, learn to play the piano and violin and learn how to lay the table properly for a dozen-course menu. 

From a young age it was clear that Lena was intelligent. She easily outplayed her brother in chess and read books that were at least several years beyond her age. Yet, if her intelligence were to surpass Lex’s, it would manifest itself as dark purple spots on her body. From the same source she has not taken Her sorrow - she could not awaken Her heart to joy at the same tone - Her misery continued throughout her teen and adolescent years. Other people’s sorrow would come from, in her opinion, the most mundane things: Failing a test, a breakup, missing a bus,... 

Those problems seemed so small to her, so insignificant compared to the complete darkness that surrounded her whenever she was at home. She was always glad to go to school, not only because she was eager to learn but it was an escape from the hell back home.

Lionel Luthor was a ruthless man, especially after several glasses of strong liquor. His fists didn’t discriminate. Lena at least took solace, no matter how cruel it might sound, that Lillian’s body was often as broken as hers was. A parity the woman would often rectify by breaking Lena’s body even more.

Joy and happiness, two feelings everyone should feel in abundance no matter where they are in their life, were a foreign concept to her. Instead of going out with friends she didn’t have, Lena surrounded herself with books and poetry.

And all she loved - she loved alone -

She had no one to share her passion for literature or engineering with. Lex would mock her preference in literature as inferior to his, claiming any form of fictional writing were useless. Neither her mother nor her father had ever told her they were proud of her, that they were happy with the things she had accomplished. No matter how much she suffered from both her parents’ hands, she still longed for their love, for their affection. She never received it. 

Her brother was the only one who showed her that he cared, a little bit, when she was young. However, these moments were few and far between. Eventually, once he got obsessed with Superman, he regarded her as a pawn in the game of chase he played with the Man of Steel.

Then - In her childhood - in the dawn Of a most stormy life - was drawn From every depth of good and ill The mystery which binds her still

She knew how miserable she was. She loathed it. She wanted to change, she wanted to be happy. She wanted to be someone different, someone who was not Lena Luthor. But, she did not know how she could ever achieve that. 

She did not know if she would ever heal from the wounds Lillian and Lionel left on her. After all, those types of wounds did not heal, they would scar and fade over time, but would never go away completely.

From the torrent, or the fountain - From the red cliff of the mountain - From the sun that ‘round her rolled - In its autumn tint of gold -

Kara Danvers was Lena’s saviour. The blonde reporter was a salve to Lena’s wounds. She was the anchor grounding Lena so she wouldn’t plunge in the harrowing darkness that accompanied her shadow. 

And even when life presented Lena with such a miracle, she managed to screw it up. For she knew, despite her lack of experience in any form of romance, what it was she felt for the reporter. 

Kara was Lena’s whole world.

She was Lena’s sun that made sure she stayed in orbit. Her bright rays banished the dark clouds that chased her.

From the lightning in the sky As it passed her flying by - From the thunder, in the storm - And the cloud that took the form

Kara would make all of her dark stormy clouds that had followed her around her entire life, go away in the blink of an eye. Lena, in turn, made a new even bigger one, by feeling the things she feels for the bubbly blonde. 

But Lena knew she could never tell Kara the true depths of her heart. For if she would, Lena would lose the sole thing that kept her going.

When the rest of heaven was blue Of a demon in her view

Other people might allow themselves to dream. To say ‘what if’ ‘What if she likes me back’. ‘What if she kissed me’. Lena knew better than that, though. There was no way Kara Danvers could feel anything more than friendship for her. 

Besides, even if the impossible chance she would return them existed, Lena was not worth it. It would be egotistical of Lena to put Kara in such a position for she deserved so much more than what the broken CEO could offer. 

But Lena also knew that she could not keep these feelings bottled forever, no matter how much she wanted to. After all, we can never hide our hearts, our true feelings from the ones we love.

Lena knew that one day, she would not be able to take it anymore. She would reveal to Kara what she truly meant to her. 

And when that would happen, the rope that held the anchor would snap, plummeting Lena back into the darkness she was so used to. 

Lena would be back to being…. Alone

[mattmurdocksscars]

Miscommunication Ch. 3/?

Alright yall! It’s time for yall to learn just how badass Reader is! Got some more Poe/Reader interaction this chapter as well! I had to look at a few videos to get this right, so hopefully it flows right! I really hope yall enjoy this chapter!!

Pairing: First Order!Poe x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Teen, language and suggestive thoughts

Word Count: 1845

Tag List(Open):  @himbopoes​, @writefightandflightclub​, @mellow-f1​, @imaginecrushes​, @ladyflyer20​, @kiaralein​,, @nacida-en-la-luna​, @morgannope​, @criminal-cookies​, @thegirlwiththebook​, @writingforhoursonend​

You spent the next week compiling every bit of information you could on Captain Dameron. You knew everything from how successful he was on his missions (annoyingly so, of course) to how he never took time off, throwing himself into work. He had aggressively climbed the officer ladder to get to his position of Captain and you were honestly surprised by the fact that he had seemed to stop there. However, looking at how much of his time was spent in his TIE, you began to understand. If he took another promotion, he would be confined to one of the starships and would be unable to fly solo. The Captain seemed to thrive in the cockpit and if he were to be grounded, it would likely ruin him.

You also found more evidence that pointed to the discourse that seemed to exist between Hux and Dameron. Based on comms logs and mission reports, Dameron seemed to hold no respect for Hux and would even occasionally undermine him when he could get away with it. There was certainly no love lost between the two men and while that helped settle your concerns a little, it was not enough to convince you that Dameron was acting solely on his own interest. So, you resigned yourself to having to wait and see. All men showed their cards eventually, it was just a matter of waiting him out.

The night before you were to return to work, Kylo sent you a message saying to meet him in Training Room 4 at 0800. It was a little unusual for him to want to use a public training room, but you brushed it off, knowing he wanted you to be more present around the ship. You woke that morning at 0530, dressed and was in the training room by 0600. You had been out of practice for the week and knew if you wanted to keep up with Kylo, you would need to do some warming up.

You spent an hour and a half going through some basic stretches followed by a round of katas. You didn’t even notice as people began trickling into the room and working on their own regimes. You were just finishing up a kata, when a honey smooth voice called out to you.

“Shouldn’t you be resting?” You turned to see Poe standing a few feet away, hands clasped behind his back as usual. It was a little jarring to see him in a pair of sweatpants and a tank instead of his uniform, but it was a good look. You were beginning to think he looked good in anything. His eyes were raking over your form and you watched as he shifted slightly as if uncomfortable, before his eyes settled back on yours. You were clad in a pair of skin-tight leggings and a sports bra and the look in his eyes told you he wasn’t as unaffected as he wanted to act.

“I was cleared by medical yesterday evening. All that’s left is the lovely coloring.” You told him, gesturing to the smattering of yellow-green color on your side. The bacta patches they had given you had certainly sped up the healing process, but you refused to use them as strictly as they wanted. “I should be fully cleared here soon, once Kylo gets here and determines I’m fit for the field.”

Poe raised his eyebrows at that. Kylo Ren was not usually present within the public training rooms, preferring to use his own room instead. He was certainly interested in seeing not only how the others within the room would respond to his presence but also in seeing how you handled yourself.

As if speaking his name summoned him, the doors opened and Kylo strode through. The whole room seemed to stop as everyone watched him approach you and Poe. He was helmetless and dressed similar to Dameron, only choosing a t-shirt instead of a tank. He nodded to you in greeting before turning his gaze on Poe, scrutinizing him. To Poe’s credit, he didn’t flinch or shift under his gaze.

“Captain Dameron.”

“Commander Ren.”

“I’ll need to borrow my Captain. She’s got work to do.”

“Of course, Commander. I was just leaving.” Dameron looked you over once more before slipping away to train elsewhere. You turned your gaze back to Kylo, who was walking over to a weapons rack. He picked up two bo staffs and tossed you one. You caught it easily, twirling it before holding it in a backhanded grip.

“I trust you’ve already warmed up?” He asked as he walked back over to you. He settled into place across from you and you nodded in confirmation to his question. “Good. We’ll go until someone yields. On my mark. Ready? Begin.”

For a moment, the two of you merely stood there. You settled yourself into a defensive position and waited. You knew Kylo would get impatient and strike first, it was one of his weaknesses. A few breaths passed before Kylo suddenly lunged at you, swinging his staff at your face. You quickly brought your own staff up to counter his. Pushing him back and away from you, you settled back into your original stance to wait again. The two of you continued like this for a few more minutes before Kylo grew impatient with your inaction. He came at you with a flurry of movements, forcing you to engage and strike back. The two of you traded blows, each landing hits on the other. Kylo had you beat in sheer strength, but you were smaller and quicker and used that to your advantage. You fell into an easy rhythm of dodge and attack, getting so lost in the fight that you didn’t notice the other occupants of the room stop to watch the two of you.

At one point, the two of you wound up switching staffs. You caught his staff in a low block, before throwing your own staff at him and yanking his from his grip. Caught up in catching your staff, you were able to whirl his staff around and catch him in the chest with it, sending him stumbling back. He came back at you and you stopped him by shoving the end of your staff into his stomach. He tried to move forward to a better stance, so you brought your dominant hand around to the opposite end of your staff and shoved him back again, twisting away from him. He was undeterred and came flying back at you, kicking out. You manage to block the strike but he was able to kick out again, this time knocking the staff from your hands. You’re quick to block with your hands as he begins coming at you even harder.

He makes a sweep for your torso and you dodge by bending backwards. As soon as the staff passes over you, you use your momentum to throw yourself into a back handspring and land a few feet away from him. Kylo settles into a stance to watch you and you find yourself using the moment to strategize. You knew you wouldn’t win this match, Kylo usually beat you, but you had to decide when and how you were going down. Your staff was too far away to reach, and you knew Kylo would intercept you before you could reach it, so you went with the element of surprise. Kylo wouldn’t expect you to come straight at him with a weapon, let alone without one, so you did just that. You sprang forward, throwing a rapid set of punches his way.  You managed to land two solid hits to him before he began to block and push back.

Your undoing was a move you weren’t expecting. Kylo swung for you and you managed to catch his staff before it connected. He dropped the staff as soon as your hands wrapped around it and kicked out at your feet. You hit the ground hard and Kylo took the chance to snatch back up his staff, kneel on your back to keep you down, and pull your dominant arm back and along the staff to effectively immobilize you. The two of you panted harshly and you gave an experimental wiggle to see if you could get free and came up unable to. Kylo knew this and was the first to speak.

“Do you yield?”

“I yield.” Kylo immediately removed his weight from you and helped you to stand up. It was at that moment, that the two of you realized you had gained an audience. The entire training room was watching the two of you with rapt attention, including Poe. You threw a look Kylo’s way, expecting him to be angry at the attention but instead found him watching you. Suddenly, you understood. This hadn’t been just to test that you were field ready, it was another chance to show people what you were capable of. You knew Kylo wanted people to know about you and what better way than to publicly train you.

“You know, you’re going to make the whole ‘espionage’ part of my job difficult if everyone knows me.”

“Perhaps, but at least some foolish officer won’t mistake you for rebel scum again.” At that, you laughed. Picking up your staff, you walked with Kylo over to the weapons rack to put them away. The crowd began to disperse as they realized the two of you were done training and you could hear the murmurs as they talked about the encounter. You placed your staff in its’ place and turned to Kylo.

“So, am I clear for that mission you were talking about.”

“I’d say so. I’ll meet you in your office at 1400. Unfortunately, General Hux will be joining us. It seems he wants to be kept informed on the status.” You frowned at that. Hux was pushing more and more into Kylo’s business and while you tried to stay out of their squabbling, it always left Kylo in a poor mood. Supreme Leader Snoke didn’t care for their squabbling either and tended to not intervene unless they royally messed something up, so it would seem you would be stuck with their bickering.

“I’ll plan accordingly, sir. I’ll see you soon.” You made to follow Kylo out of the room but paused as you felt a pair of eyes on you. Turning, you caught the gaze of Poe and your breath hitched at the look on his face. There was a mixture of respect and arousal in his gaze as he looked you over. He caught your gaze and you watched as he ran his tongue over his lower lip before biting it. Knowing where your gaze was, he mouthed You look good sweetness before smirking. You could feel heat rise to your cheeks but rolled your eyes at him, turning and heading out of the room.

You knew you needed to be certain Dameron’s interests were his own, but damn if that look didn’t make him look like he wanted to devour you whole.

[potatowitch]

finding out that the star wars sequel series was written on the fly rather than actually planned out makes so much fucking sense but also pisses me off EVEN MORE because i watched the force awakens in 2016 and within a day of leaving the cinema had a fully fleshed out idea in my head of the direction the next two films would take and the plot points they would cover, all brainstormed in the shower. 16 year old me was more capable of writing a cohesive storyline than disney was. so here you are - i rewrote the sequels to be ten times better than what disney actually gave us. enjoy.

- after rey finds luke they train for a bit then he's like "gotta tell u something. u ever heard of mara jade? she's ur mum" "wait weren't u two dating for a bit" "yeah" "does that mean ur...." "...yeah"

- "why did u leave me on jakku?" "i didnt. she did. i only just learned u existed i wouldve come for u" "oh."

- "...can i call u dad or" "i would be honored if u did"

- meanwhile at the resistance base leia realises finn is force sensitive, gives him her old lightsaber she had in the comics

- because come on. rewatch the force awakens and tell me that man aint fuckin feeling the "shitloads of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced" when starkiller goes off

- and he picks up a lightsaber and instinctively knows how to use it?

- also: two main heroes in a star wars film being a queer coded woman and a queer coded black man.

- and the whole "used to be a stormtrooper and defected, becomes a jedi" is a TOTALLY NEW storyline? not some tired old "white boy villain is a dick for three movies then suddenly turns Good TM right at the end" trope

- make rey explicitly asexual. she's beautiful and smart and got abs that make everyone who sees them MELT but she is NOT INTERESTED in anything but JUSTICE and PLATONIC HUGS

- finn and poe are also making out because come on, disney, if u wanted to show you're becoming more progressive having a loving interracial gay romance is the fucking easiest way to do it. BB8 has two dads and they share The Jacket

- turns out finn is a kenobi because u cannot tell me obi wan didnt Fuck. jedi code says "dont form attachments" but watch the clone wars - obi wan plays fast and loose w the jedi code at the best of times. now we got a skywalker and a kenobi working together being best buds again, THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.

- the destruction of starkiller has crippled the first order. don't fucking look at me like "the resistance just won a major, VERY VISIBLE victory but OOO no somehow they're still very low on numbers and infrastructure" NO. the public destruction of starkiller has earned the resistance an influx of allies. the republic has started publicly supporting them. the first order spent years building that thing and now not only is all that time, effort and MONEY gone, they lost a shitload of staff and military personnel when it blew up

- "the first order is rich" is a plot point I DO NOT UNDERSTAND because it directly contradicts what's going on in the expanded universe books. the first order was built from remnants of the empire that had been banished to the outer reaches of the galaxy to live out of broken down, shitty old star destroyers.

- it's the reason hux, who was raised in a decrepit old academy in the ass end of the universe by an abusive father, is SO anti republic. in his head, it's the reason he starved as a child. it's the reason his mother is dead. it's the reason he had to be raised by a father that beat him. his hatred for the republic is PERSONAL

- disney learn how to write a good villain challenge? hux EASILY could have been terrifying AND sympathetic

- hux and kylo now have to deal with how absolutely PISSED snoke is that both of them failed with starkiller. hux gets force choked and threatened. kylo gets snoke very painfully rooting around in his head. it is emphasised that snoke's relationship with these two is downright abusive.

- somewhere in there, they realise that the whole five years they've known each other snoke has been deliberately pitting them against each other and sneakily forcing them to undermine each other's authority

- they realise it was snoke's shitty leadership that lead to the destruction of starkiller. they realise that maybe they'd be better off on their own

- the two of them plot to murder snoke themselves. while this is happening, the resistance is happily building an army, gathering resources, and forming alliances. luke and rey have reunited with the resistance and now rey and finn are both happily training with luke.

- snoke dies. hux decides to take the mantle of emperor. kylo LETS HIM because he realises he doesn't know shit about fuck when it comes to leading anything more than his knights. has a crisis of confidence about how useful he actually is, then hux decides he wants to keep the knights of ren around as his personal "fuck up the resistance" squad.

- the two of them working together turn out to be fucking terrifying, competent villains. the films have short, five to ten minute sections where they explore their VERY SIMILAR traumas to make them sympathetic WITHOUT making them seem like "uwu they're not actually bad people" because THEY'RE STILL AWFUL GENOCIDAL MASS MURDERERS

- on the kylo trauma side: it's made obvious in the books that from about age 6 snoke has been in his head deliberately grooming him away from his family. make that obvious in the films. make its impact on kylo obvious in how unsure of himself he actually is. don't make his "redemption arc" one where he suddenly goes light side. give him a bastardisation arc where he realises his whole life he has never made a choice - and then make THE FIRST ORDER his choice. (it is the wrong choice! emphasise that! but make him MAKE THAT CHOICE)

- the resistance thinks they're doing well. they have two new jedi. they've seen very little of the first order outside of small operations that they've been squashing. they think "hm. starkiller's loss must have crippled them. we're doing well!"

- until they learn actually. they've got an emperor now. and the commander of the knights of ren is INCREDIBLY loyal to him. the first order is PISSED OFF and VENGEFUL. they're back with a force. they've started invading and subjugating planets even with their forces cut as thin as they are because hux is a military mastermind and kylo and the knights of ren are a fucking TERRIFYING unit in combat.

- also why did disney decide to present hux in the films as a weak pissbaby when he probably topped his class in all combat situations and fights dirty in close quarters. man can SNIPE. man will bite your fucking finger off if you manage to disarm him. he is a 6 foot beanpole and he will kick your ass

- kylo has a crisis about actually having to kill his mother, uncle and cousin. he still feels a bit bad about han - despite everything, he still loves them and is struggling. he actually confides in his knights about this. we get to see that the knights of ren have a found family dynamic with their commander and they comfort him.

- kylo realises it will be painful to murder the last of his bio family but it must be done, because he's come around to hux's view that the resistance and the republic are standing in the way of true peace in the galaxy. he actually believes that reinstating an empire is the best thing for the galaxy. this makes him a more effective villain because he actually believes what he's doing is right.

- more stormtroopers defect to the resistance. finn is there to welcome them and help them adjust. there's a couple of lowkey force sensitive troopers in there too. we learn more about how horrible, soul crushing and traumatic stormtrooper training is. this is a good way to keep painting the first order as an organisation that violates human rights and the geneva convention at every turn.

- the first order makes up for this loss of troops in picking up recruits from the planets they've taken over in the outer rim because they've been providing stability. again - it is SO EASY to write the first order as sympathetic villains WHO ARE STILL FASCIST ASSHOLES. this would've been such a good opportunity to show the moral argument between stability vs freedom. show the flaws in the republic because they do exist!! we see that throughout the ENTIRE expanded universe! every iteration of the republic fails in some way!

- the fight against the first order becomes increasingly more difficult, but they're actually on pretty even ground. it doesn't make sense to me that disney decided to go for the route of "the resistance should've been squished easily by the might of the first order but uwu kylo can't make up his mind and thats what saves them!" that is not a compelling storyline! they are relatively evenly matched and the resistance only JUST comes out on top!

- kylo kills luke in actual combat, not just "luke randomly dissolves for ... no good reason?". this hits the resistance HARD. rey and finn have to struggle with their desire for revenge. leia realises her son is beyond help. it nearly breaks her. she has a moment where she feels like she has lost everything. poe has to step in to remind her she still has him. it is revealed that he joined the resistance after the first order killed his family HORRIBLY when he was a teenager and he and leia sort of have a mother/son relationship.

- this is also a good way to juxtapose hux and kylo. they took their trauma and it made them awful. poe takes his trauma and it makes him kind. it makes him want to protect people from what he went through. also gets rid of the "haha we made the latino man have a drug dealer background" bullshit that disney did

- poe also has to comfort his boyfriend and best friend and remind them that they are fighting to make the galaxy a better place, NOT for revenge. then they have a discussion about "yeah, don't make revenge your main priority, but the jedi were a bit wrong in saying that you shouldn't enjoy it anyway. it's going to feel good to fucking murder kylo and that's okay". acknowledgement that the old jedi code was garbage and too restrictive for actual PEOPLE to follow it.

- kylo still can't kill leia or chewie. we get flashbacks of her singing to him, braiding his hair, comforting him after nightmares. we see baby ben riding on chewie's shoulders. seeing the conflict between kylo recognising his family loved him and still choosing to be a villain would have RUINED ME. he tells hux this, expecting hux to shoot him for it. hux understands - he had a mother, once. the republic killed her.

- (they actually didn't. she was an imperial slave and was probably left behind when an imperial settlement was being razed. the only reason hux actually survived was because he was his father's only heir. there's a whole spiel in the books about brendol going "this kid is a piece of shit bastard i dont want him" and imperial officials being like "the empire needs kids. go pick him up")

- hux decides to kill leia instead. he nearly dies doing so because woman is STILL a force to be reckoned with even at this age. remember she is actually trained to use a lightsaber AND guns. the only reason hux doesn't die? kylo steps in at the last minute and kills his own mother. he's made his choice. he mourns, and then he steels. there is nothing left to pull him to the light side anymore.

- anakin has given up trying to bring his grandson to the light from beyond the grave. him and obi wan are focusing their force ghost attention on rey and finn. now luke and leia are both there too. we get the same "all my jedi ancestors are rooting for me" moment that disney gave us, except now it's shared between rey and finn.

- the two of them plus chewie cut through the knights of ren until they get to kylo. he kicks the living shit out of them, but they manage to kill him. rey earns some gnarly, sexy scars. chewie needs a hug and goddamn does he get one.

- poe is the one to kill hux. he's not just doing it for the galaxy, he's doing it for leia. the first order already stole his first family from him. he won't lose his second family to them. bonus points if BB8 joins the fight and like ... tases hux in the leg a few times.

- we get some gratuitous "c3p0 and r2 are sneaking through an imperial base and fucking shit up but like, badly because 3p0 never stops talking" scenes

- you want to bring rose tico into it? she's head of the resistance's infiltration team. she's with the droids taking down shields, stabbing people in the back, freeing prisoners, stealing plans, sowing chaos. she's the one who finally takes down phasma.

- without their emperor and the knights of ren, the new empire crumbles pretty quickly. the resistance has taken HEAVY losses but they have won. we get a very beautiful funeral scene for luke and leia. there's a gorgeous group hug between finn, rey, poe, chewie and bb8. poe and finn smooch against the sunset.

- we see finn and rey going into crystal caves to get kyber crystals. poe, chewie, bb8, r2 and 3P0 wait outside the cave in the falcon for them to be done picking up their crystals, then we see finn and rey inside the falcon building their new lightsabers with guidance from a bunch of force ghosts. we get to see that rey has chosen to decorate the inside of the falcon with a bunch of potted plants so she can be surrounded by greenery at all time. the found family aesthetic is STRONG

- rey builds a saber pike. it comes out golden. finn builds a standard single blade saber that comes out white, like ahsoka's. gold to emphasise protection of the weak and the perfect blend of combat and scholarly pursuits. white to emphasise free will from both the jedi and the sith. it is emphasised that these two will NOT be your traditional jedi.

- we see an epilogue where poe is working to help shift the republic's focus from political squabbling to actually protecting its citizens. he leads reconstruction efforts, helps establish more of a presence in the outer rim, constantly fights for moving resources from protecting the republic's assests to providing food, shelter and safety to its citizens.

- finn is constantly by his side. we see him protecting his new husband, on the front lines destroying remnants of the empire and the first order, and using his combat prowess to absolutely murder slave owners.

- rey has taken to training new force sensitives with chewie by her side, however she recognises the jedi code has been failing force sensistives for millennia, and instead her teachings are more aligned with the grey jedi philosophy. she recognises that people feel anger, hate, grief - and that they are all valid emotions. it's what you choose to do with them that is important.

- she actively encourages personal connection, believing that loving your friends and family is righteous and the true path to the light side. her apprentices all adore her, and she is always there for them - she'll listen to their worries, from something as small as "i am 13 years old and my first crush just rejected me" to "i am a former slave coming to you after the first order murdered my family and tortured me. i am having nightmares and am afraid of the anger i feel".

- she encourages apprentices to stay in contact with their family, and she becomes that family for the ones who have lost theirs.

- you get the feeling that this time, peace in the galaxy is actually going to last. anakin, obi wan, luke and leia look on from the Force in pride at their children and grandchildren. they did good. they can finally rest.

- the sequels have made personal choice a major theme. finn chooses to defect. poe and rey choose to be kind, when they have every reason not to be. hux and kylo make the wrong choices. there's no flip flopping like a dead fish between good and evil until the very last second. the lines between kindness and freedom and hatred and subjugation are clearly drawn again and again.

- i sit in the cinema after the screen goes black and i weep. i am satisfied. this was a fitting end for a franchise i have loved for most of my life.

[honestlywrites]

Nightmares (Love Triangle! Poe Dameron x Reader x Ben Solo/Kylo Ren)

Request: Hi I would like to request a love triangle between reader and Kylo Ren/Ben Solo and Poe Dameron. Reader used to train at the same temple before he turned to the dark side and left to join the resistance where she met Poe. Can end any way you want (I prefer kylo/ben tbh xD) and have fun!

-

You should have been used to waking up from your nightmares, but it continued to plague you. Waking up screaming, crying for Ben. He was gone, he had left you on the island after slaughtering all of your friends. Knowing that he was still fighting made it hurt even more, it simply increased the fear that he would come back and kill you just to turn completely dark. It is hard, knowing that the second you close your eyes to fall asleep Ben will be waiting with his blue lightsaber, ready to kill you. Poe made it easier though.

After finding refuge with the Resistance, you operated under General Organa, simply helping her in any way that you could. The two of you understood each other, the loss of Ben feeling like a cavern in your hearts. It was with the Resistance where you met Poe. Now, Ben had been your first love. Your first everything, even Luke saw that there was a connection even within the Force. But, Poe was there. He was present for the nightmares and helped you through them, cracking a joke so that you would smile as the tears roll down your face. Poe respected your love for Ben even though he very much loathed the existence of him. Luckily enough, you had enough love in your heart for both of them.

As the war continued, you knew of Ben’s crimes but every night was a night where you knew that he still remained good, that he was torn between the light and dark. This was what caused you to want to join Rey on her quest to find the Sith Holocron. 

“Absolutely not,” Poe cries out, preparing for the quest as you follow him around.

“I have to. My tie to the Force can aid us in trying to find the Holocron, I know it,” you argue, looking to Rey and Finn for some aid in this argument. The two simply shrug, allowing the two of you to talk it out. 

“You just want to see him,” Poe states and you instantly freeze, glaring at the man in front of you. 

“Maybe,” you start, the anger is red hot as it courses through your veins. “But I’m also a Jedi and I know that I can help you.”

“My answer is no.”

You clench your jaw as the tears well in your eyes and you see Poe’s face soften slightly before turning around and marching straight back to Leia. You find solace in your bed but cannot seem to succumb to slumber as the fear creeps in on you. 

The next couple of days prove to be difficult because you are afraid of sleeping and don’t have Poe to help you through it. Eventually, sleep takes you and the dream comes. It is different this time though because you feel General Organa reaching out to Ben and you follow along the path of the Force, watching Ben redeem himself as he throws his lightsaber into the waters of the Endor moon. Instantly you jolt up, the ruckus of the base waking you up from your slumber.

“We’re going to go help Rey, they followed the Holocron and we need to stop the First Order before they destroy the entire galaxy,” Rose quickly explains as you pull on your shoes and run out into the forest, finding a ship to join. 

The entire experience feels entirely too surreal and passes both too quickly and too slowly. You find a way into the caverns, feeling the Force guiding you through to the source of all the dark energy. There, you are beckoned forward by the Force, it being manipulated by Palpatine himself. You had heard about him from Master Luke, remembering moments where that had been the scary story that kept you up at night. Standing beside Ben and Rey you begin to feel your life drift away from you as Palpatine takes your life force away from you. You do not remember what happens after but as you begin to wake, the loud booming voice of the darkness is gone and all you see is Rey laying on the wet stone floor, unmoving. Ben crawls to her, giving his life to hers, and you watch him fall to the ground instead. Adrenaline fuels you as you crawl over to him, placing your hands on his as you press your lips to his in a last attempt to save him. For a moment, it appears useless, but the second his chest rises and falls you understand that the Force has given you a second chance. 

Normal would never really happen again. Mostly everyone regrouped at the base, sharing hugs and kisses of victory. Arriving back, you quickly leave Ben’s side to seek out Poe, your favorite pilot. Your eyes scan the crowds and for a moment, your heart breaks as you wonder if he died in the battle. Arms wrapping around your waist quickly break you out of your stupor as you whip around to wrap your arms around Poe’s neck, hugging him as tightly as possible.

“I don’t know what I would have done if I lost you,” you mutter, a single tear dripping down your face.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily, Princess,” he chuckles softly and releases you after a moment. The two of you stare into each other’s eyes for a moment, millions of thoughts running through your head. 

“Go to him,” he whispers to you, letting go of you as you feel your heart break for Poe. “It’s okay.”

You lean over to kiss him on the cheek, giving him one last squeeze before going to find Ben. The task is not too difficult for he towers over the crowd due to his large stature. Jogging over to him, you smile and wrap your arms around his waist.

“I feel so out of place,” he states, looking around at the sea of orange jumpsuits that surrounds the two of you. 

“You’re right where you need to be,” you lean forward and connect your lips, kissing his lips for the first time since the two of you were children. You were home and no nightmare would ever plague you again.

[swellwriting]

If I can’t have you.

Fandom: Star Wars

Pairing: Reader x Poe Dameron

Warnings: soft kisses/

Request: I used the lyric from Shawn Mendes’ NEW SONG “Everything means nothing if I can't have you.”

MAY the fourth be with you!

Word Count: 1.2k

The room was silent as everyone waited for General Organa to speak, every person in the room gave her their full attention and respect to her easily without her even having to ask for it.

“We need to expand our bases in the Outer Rim, we have an existing one there but we need to send more of our officers there so they can have the support they need to recruit more. I Have a few who I want to send there but it will be open for volunteers as well. The switch can be permanent or temporary placement for about five months until they get their numbers up. Those who will be required to go are named as followed.” She said before pointing to the droid who held a list of maybe 25 names.

It started reading and everyone listened nervously to see if they were being sent away from the base they had called home for so long.

Poe didn't look across the room to meet your nervous eyes until he heard the droid speak your name, adding you to the list. His eyes met yours as you frowned and looked away from him, crossing your arms. He waited for his name to be called but it wasn’t.

Leia was sending you, the only person he cared about across the systems to the outer rim.

He shook his head, not accepting the information and following Leia out of the room and to her own office, not even knocking just following her in and then closing the door. She didn't acknowledge him, she knew it was him before she even turned around. She sat at her desk folding her hands and putting her stern general face on.

“No.” He started shaking his head and then walking up to her desk.

“Poe-” She started to say but he interrupted her.

“No. You're not sending her to that base. I don't care, you're not sending her there.”

“I think you forget that I have all the say in where she is sent to and you have none. We need her there Poe, it won't run smoothly without her and you know that.”

“You don't need her,” he argued as he sat down, upset.

“What, and you do?” She asked, trying not to smile knowing it would just make him angrier.

“Yes. She is the person I care about most.”

“She only has to go for five months and then she should be able to come back.”

“Five months! Should be? That's not good enough Leia. After all, I've done and given to the Resistance, you can’t take her away from me.”

“Poe, I need her at that base. She is good at her job, no one else can do it but her.”

“Then I volunteer to go too,” he stated rashly as he stood up.

“No.” Leia instantly dismissed him. “We need you here, you're our best pilot.”

“I don't care. If you want me here you shouldn’t be sending my only reason to be here across the universe.”

“Poe, this doesn't need to be so difficult.”

“You’re right. Either Y/n stays or I go. You decide who is needed more where.” He said before storming out of the office and making his way to your shared room, BB8 was on his tail trying to keep up.

When he opened the door you were sitting on your bed, looking around the room and thinking about how you yourself didn't want to leave.

“Your not leaving,” he said before the door had even closed behind him. He made his way to stand in front of you grabbing your hands in his and looking down at you.

“I'm in no position to argue with her decisions Poe. if she’s sending me there I can’t deny her.” You said with sadness and acceptance filling your voice.

“No!” He argued again as he sat beside you on the bed with a huff. You crawled onto his lap and his hands found their way to your hips as yours slid into his messy curls atop his head, combing through the madness to distract yourself.

“If she is sending you to the Outer Rim then I'm going too.”

“She won't let you go.” You argued, trying to be more calm and rational than he was, you always had to be the one to look at things with a clearer more realistic mindset.

“She already told me, no, but she doesn't get a say. I'm not letting her take you away, I have no reason to be here if you're not here with me. All of this, everything, it means nothing if I can't have you.

“Poe, the Resistance has been your entire life, it means everything to you, these people and the cause. Not to mention you’re their best pilot and a squad leader, you can't just leave all of that behind for me.” You tried to explain the reality of the situation and make him realize that whatever happened he wasn't going to be the on to leave this base. He rested his forehead against your collarbones in defeat, feeling so out of control of the whole situation. You could tell he was exasperated so you continued trying to calm him and making sure he knew that you didn't want any of this to happen either.

“I know it sucks and I can't bear to think about being on some foreign planet in a part of that system I've never even been to. Not to mention having to wake up and not see your stupid adorable sleepy smile on your stupid adorable face.” You teased pressing a kiss to his head.

“Gee thanks,” he teased with a laugh, the tension anger and emotion that filled the room was replaced momentarily with light laughter as he pulled you to lie down on the bed with him, both of you now on your sides facing each other.

Your heads were both on the same pillow, your noses basically touching as your legs intertwined with his and he wrapped a hand around your waist pulling you even closer.

“If I can't leave then you can't either. Why do you have to go to that base.” He basically whined.

“Because I'm very good at my job believe it or not. Though honestly I could maybe send my assistant there and do the job from my computer here. I think even with me doing it remotely like that I’d still be more efficient than anybody else they could send.”

“Do that, please,” he whispered against your skin as he gently placed kisses along your neck, his stubble tickling your skin, you placed a hand in his hair again holding him close to you.

“Mhm, I’ll talk to Leia, I'm sure she will appreciate a reasonable argument that's not just you yelling dramatically and threatening to leave.”

“I don't need to convince you to stay do I?” He asked as his lips never fully left your skin, luckily your room was quiet enough to hear him, aside from the sound of BB8 whirring around in the other room.

His kisses travelled from one side of your neck to the other and eventually made their way to your lips as he pushed your legs with his knee, effectively making it so you were on your back being pinned down by him. His kiss got more passionate as his hand slid against your bare skin under your shirt. His fingers dug into the flesh of your side as he waited for your response.

“A little more persuasion couldn't hurt.” You barely managed to whisper between kisses.

[unstoppableforcce]

what we do now that it’s over ( 3.5 )

alt. title : I must fix what the war broke 

a finnpoe series but this half chapter is Rey-centric. our boys will be back next chapter. read on Ao3

a warning ! Kylo ren/ Ben Solo is discussed. he’s certainly not my favorite guy, but I can’t ignore him either. it’s not R*ylo but Rey and force ghost Luke talk about him - r.e.

It was only Poe and Finn who trekked back once the sun began to set. After at least ten minutes of Poe first explaining, then repeating his explanation of the path to follow to get back, he gave in to Rey’s pleads to stay out there alone for longer.

He warned her of the larger beasts who could creep up from behind without so much of a sound, of the bugs that could bite without even being seen, of the many dangers of getting lost out there with no water or food… She made it very clear she understood and still opted to stay. He left his handheld communicator out there with her despite her protests, insisting that if she had a problem, she had to call.

She was his guest after all.

With one final word of agreement, a nod of reassurance, and a gentle squeeze of both Poe and Finn’s hands, the two of them trekked back to the house and she stayed with the tree.

The setting sun left a rustic orange glow over it all, cascading through the trees, finding every space between the canopy of leaves and dousing the jungle in warmth. As if she needed the extra heat while out there.

She settled into the base of the tree, dragging her fingers mindlessly over the roots which surrounded her, encapsulating her in the aura created by the behemoth-like power the bark contained. It was real. It was tangible when she was there. For the many nights she spent keeping herself up wondering, she could feel it here. It was real.

Such a simple reminder to restore a faith she didn’t even realize was dwindling since it all ended.

That night on Exegol, the power she felt as all the Jedi spoke to her… She hadn’t felt it since then. And she thought that was okay at first, she thought it was because she had restored the balance, that she had ended the tension and what came after was meant to be this quiet. But she couldn’t even convince herself of that.

Not when it all came rushing back through her, sat next to the tree. And now all she could wonder was if she was broken without the direct connection, why she couldn’t feel it until she got here.

Her fingers grazed the roots then moved to grab a few of the fallen leaves and flowers, her fingers mindlessly twisting them together.

“You did everything right.”

The voice came like a whisper in the wind. At first, she didn’t think she was actually hearing it, thought it was just her desperateness playing a trick on her. But it came again.

“You cannot blame yourself.”

She was sure it was real now, her head lifting from the mess of roots and knotted flower stems in her hand to search the now red-hued jungle around her. There was less light, but it was somehow warmer than before as the crimson tore through the leaves and branches, dousing her in an almost unsettling color.

The red, not like blood but brighter. Like the red of the battle of Crait. From what she had seen as they flew away, from the dust she brushed off Finn and Poe the second they ran aboard the Falcon.

It was a color she could only associate with the emptiness she felt as Luke left.

It was his voice, she knew that for sure.

“I don’t blame myself.” She shot back, using the thick root on her left to boost herself to her feet, scanning for the source of the sound.

“It really doesn’t do you any good to lie to me, Rey.”

He emerged from behind the tree, blue and flowing forward as his mere presence made the aura surge tenfold. The red didn’t cut through him, it only glowed around him, and for a second, he almost looked as tangible as the force felt.

The strength coming from him, he didn’t need to be physical to be real, she could feel him as if he was really there.

“I’m not lying.” She tried to counter, holding her ground and he encircled the trunk and moved closer.

“You are. You blame yourself, you shouldn’t.” He had such a soft curve to his face. After it all ended, she looked back through some of the old archived footage, some of the clips of him, Leia, and Han. Seeing him so young was almost shocking, but he hadn’t changed.

Seeing him again now, she was certain of that. He had been roughly the same age after the battle of Endor when he ended his war. She could only wonder what she would look like when that old, would she wear it as well?

Would her eyes be as soft even though the horrors she’s witnessed, everything she’s been a part of?

“He knew what he was doing.”

She caught the tears before they could come out. She could still feel his hand, the touch of warmth which brought her back. The memory made her resent the heat now, it felt almost mocking.

“There was no redemption for him, Rey, not after everything he had become.” Luke continued, stepping closer.

She wanted to reach out to him. But she couldn’t. He was real, he just wasn’t there.

“He gave his life for me-”

“You’re telling me you wouldn’t have considered doing the same for him? Had the tables been turned?”

She couldn’t lie, he had already told her that. He could see through her as easily as he had the first day they met. Upon first words, she felt as if she had known him for ages, she imagined he felt the same.

“You would have been wrong to, but you would have. That’s just who you are.” He argued, gesturing for her to take a seat back down where she had been and him doing the same across from her, onto one of the larger roots.

“He came back for me…” She fought stubbornly, pointing into her chest because she had nothing else to do with her hands and she had to manage something.

Luke gave her a look, somehow superior in its ‘all-knowing’ but soft in its fatherly downturn of his smile. Her hands went back to playing with the flowers she had discarded.

“He did. And saving you was his last full measure of devotion to you and to the Force.” Luke nodded but stopped after a few slow beats of his head. “But that didn’t erase it all, everything Kylo Ren did still bled onto his hands.”

She knew that. She couldn’t imagine a world where she brought him off of Exegol and tried to explain it all to someone like Poe who had suffered so much at his hands for years in the Resistance, or Finn who was stolen from a family he’ll never know to fight his war for him as an expendable number. She couldn’t explain that Ben was someone else because even she knew it wasn’t entirely true.

He became better. Coming to save her, that was his redemption, in Luke’s eloquent words, ‘his last full measure of devotion’. But that was his path.

And she knew that, and maybe that was why she felt so guilty. To know that someone’s path existed just to save her, that he gave his little remaining life for her. He may have been what he was, but she still felt it, she could recognize the situation for what it was and still feel for him.

She didn’t know how to explain that to Poe or Finn. She barely knew how to explain it to herself.

And with how warm they had been to return to, holding on tight to them as nothing else mattered in the world… They had become everything, they mattered to her, she couldn’t bring herself to say what she had to say about Ben to them, she couldn’t explain it.

It was guilt. Luke was right. She blamed herself for so many things.

“I don’t know how to explain what it is that I’m feeling.” She repeated her thoughts aloud to Luke, hoping he had some further realistic Jedi insight.

Maybe he could throw a rock at her and tell her she was overthinking things. Anything to snap her from this strange force funk.

“You don’t have to.”

She glanced back to him, eyes desperate and reddening with the set of the sun, a fallen purple beginning to set over them, redder than blue, but a mix of the two all the same.

“What you feel is real to you, you don’t have to explain that to anyone.” He continued, pointing to her chest with a steady hand. “Ben and everything he gave to you, lives within you. You keep him with you as a dyad in the force. That’s yours alone.”

“Finn and Poe-”

“Are two of the best of them, but people keep things for themselves. You don’t exist for them, you exist for you.” Luke continued with a sigh as he glanced around at something she couldn’t see, she tried to follow his stare but came up with nothing. “Kylo Ren and Ben were the darkness in the force, everything wrong with him lives on just as everything right does. It’s a balance. The light is in you just as the darkness is, as it always has been.”

“How do I feel it all again?” She sighed, “After Exegol, after coming back… It’s harder than it’s ever been.”

“Well.” He shrugged with a laugh, “You were a natural, of course having to put work into it is going to feel hard.”

She wanted to laugh, but her chest felt too heavy.

“You used the force of a thousand generations. I don’t know how to put it simpler than to say you’re tired, you need to rest, to take it slow and easy. It will come back as you do.”

She nodded, already beginning to feel it just by being there.

“You need to find a new way to channel it. Without the war, you need to find somewhere else to focus it.” He explained, standing up and dusting off his legs even if he wasn’t even physically sat in the dirt, just to manage a laugh from her. “I think you already know how, too.”

“Finn?”

“Smart girl.” He pointed, gesturing for her to come back to her feet. “He’ll need training, and you’ve got everything you need to do just that.”

His hand ghosted over her heart, tapping a few times and she could feel the vibrations of it all even without him making contact.

“I don’t know how I’d do this without you. I wouldn’t have been able to manage it on Exegol, we wouldn’t have won-”

“Nah, you’re managing just fine.”

She wanted to argue otherwise, but he was so confident, she immediately felt caught off guard by it all, a faint voice in the back of her head mentioning she may be wrong.

“The war is over, and you’re allowed to feel everything you’re feeling. Not just you, all of you. There’s a lot that comes with the shift from battle to quiet.” He added.

“How’d you manage it?”

He smiled, wry and incomplete. “The wrong way. We all did. But you’ll do better.”

“How are you so certain?”

“Because you are better.”

He faded out with the night, but he wasn’t ever really gone, not when he could still feel him.

She walked back to the house with a warmth she couldn’t explain, even as the night fell and the wind began to chill, the warmth was there, inside of her.

[aaronobrian]

Star Wars: The Last Jedi - First Thoughts

Below are my first reactions to Star Wars The Last Jedi a day after I saw it in theaters. I posted this on Facebook that started a lot of discussion. To be clear I didn't completely hate Star Wars The Last Jedi. But it suffers from poor writing. Below are spoiler heavy points that I think amount to a 3rd grader writing a movie script. - - SPOILERS BELOW - - - - - - - - - - - - 1.) The slow chase scene of the First Order pursuing the Resistance is BORING! We are watching a Star Wars movie here not an episode of Star Trek Voyager. If I was the writer, I would make the Resistance fleet have enough fuel to make multiple jumps to lightspeed. Then have a cat and mouse chase between the Resistance and the First Order. We could have exciting and multiple star systems that the Resistance fleet could hide out. Sort of like the chase between the Millennium Falcon and the Imperial Fleet in Empire Strikes Back. But on a grander scale. We could see the fleet be picked off one by one in more of a dramatic way. We then could see Poe Dameron, Finn and Rose Tico shine better in defending the fleet.

2.) Finn’s character has NO point in this movie. Finn goes off on a wild goose chase because the movie needed something for him to do. (If they used my chase idea, Finn and Rose would be busy fight the First Order.)

In the past the rebellion had existed for generations simply because ships can pop from one place to the next in the blink of an eye. The Last Jedi introduces magical GPS tracking that essentially makes guerrilla-style warfare impossible. It’s the understandable why Finn and Rose fly off to a random planet modeled off of Monaco so they can disable the technology. This is something the movie does repeatedly, creating problems that didn’t exist before just so its characters can pull off blockbuster high jinks in pursuit of their solutions. Sadly, this entire plot is rendered pointless by the end as we learn Leia was retreating to an old Rebel base on the planet Crait. Alas, Fin, Rose and BB8 are caught and almost have their heads cut off by laser axes.

One of the best part of this movie is to see Finn’s character stop running. In the beginning Finn tries to escape the fleet in an escape pod and the end Finn is ready to sacrifice himself to save the Resistance.

3.) Poe Dameron is always wrong and then is rewarded for it. When Leia tells Poe to break off the attack on the First Order Dreadnaught, Poe ignores her. This leads to heavy losses for one victory. Poe is demoted because of this. When Poe is given no plan from Vice-Admiral Holdo (because COs don’t have to explain themselves to their subordinates), he concocts a plan for Finn and Rose to run off and find a codebreaker so as to infiltrate the First Order ship that’s chasing them. Then when his plan is almost ready to go into action, Poe finds out that Holdo is abandoning ship for the planet Crait. What does Poe do? He mutinies. One of the worst thing that can happen in an armies chain of command. But… the movie ends with Poe being rewarded as leader of the Resistance by Leia saying “don’t look at me, follow him”. (To your certain death?)

4.) Captain Phasma turns out to be completely pointless and dies.

5.) I have no problem that Leia might have powers from the Force. But we have never had a clue from her onscreen history. Yet we have the weird angel like (almost Twin Peaks-ish) scene Where her powers of the Force pulls her back from the brink of death. She’s floating in outer space without any protection and freezing her skin off. In this moment it’s done in a cringeworthy sort of way that’s obnoxious and very strange.

6.) Snoke dies in a hurry. In “The Force Awakens” the big bad was Snoke. There was all this speculation on his character - who he is, where did he come from. Fuck it! Kill him we don’t need to know. Like Darth Maul, Snoke seemed like an awesome bad guy. A suitable opponent to Rey and crew. Instead we are left with whiny emo bad guy Kylo Ren. For as fearsome as Snoke seemed to be, despite being able to throw a human being across a huge room with a flick of his finger and read everyone’s thoughts, has apparently lost his peripheral vision and can’t see that a lightsaber sitting right next to him is moving on its own. Dumb and lazy writing.

7.) Porgs and Vultpex (the Crystalline Fox) are almost pointless and they are a marketing ploy by Disney to make stuffed animal toys for children. Cash grab.

8.) Kylo Ren still is a whiny bitch. Isn’t Star War supposed to be epic? Why is the bad guy an emo kid that hates his dad and looking for a daddy? Darth Vader gave no fucks. The ending scene in Rogue One depicts this. But Kylo Ren is no Vader. He is a fainting baby of a bad guy. That punches his bedroom walls when he feels bad. When Kylo “turns” it prompts a truly fantastic fight scene where both Rey and Kylo are fighting side by side and working together to defeat their foes. It looks and feels so perfect, but that goes out the window the moment the fighting stops and Kylo reveals that he’s really just as much of an angsty kid as he’s always been. Couldn’t we have seen Ren evolve in this movie? Nah - Instead of fearsome we are given pathetic.

9.) Luke Skywalker is a hermit that wants out of this universe. I have no problem that Luke is shakened by his experience with Kylo Ren (Ben Solo). I have no problem that Luke wants to hang up his lightsaber. But Luke knows that Kylo killed his good buddy Han, that his sister is in deadly trouble and the universe is about be handed to the bad guys. And he still won’t spring into action??? When Rey asks Luke to train her, she receives a 3 minute crash course in the Force. Then Luke gives up when Rey is interested in a Dark Side seaweed hole. Well duh, yes - because NO ONE HAS TRAINED HER. (Dumb Ass!)

We do have a great scene when Force projection Luke faces off with the First Order and Kylo Ren. It was super fun and worth watching. But then Luke dies… So I guess Luke gets his wish.

10.) Rey is still untrained. Rey has no mentor. Maybe in episode 9 she’ll get a trainer. But I guess the untrained Rey can just magically control her powers and not be easily led to the Dark Side. But considering that Kylo Ren is such a weak bad guy, I guess she will prevail.

[ruminativerabbi]

Awakenings

For some reason, I’ve always been drawn to Rip Van Winkle-style stories about people who fall asleep for one or many years and then wake up to find themselves in whole new worlds. First of all, there’s Rip himself—a fictional character who first made his appearance in Washington Irving’s collection of stories and essays, The Sketch Book of Geoffrey Crayon, Gent., which came out exactly 200 years ago in 1819. The book has long since been forgotten by most, as unfortunately also has been its author: one of the true giants of American literature in his day, Irving has for some reason not joined the authors he himself encouraged in their careers—writers like Herman Melville, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Edgar Allan Poe, or Henry Wadsworth Longfellow—in the pantheon of American authors still read other than by people to whom their books have been assigned in American Literature classes. And he really was one of the greats! I believe that I’ve read all his stories, certainly most of them, and “Rip Van Winkle” is one of my favorites. His other still-famous story, “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow,” turned into a whole series of Hollywood movies—most memorably Tim Burton’s 1999 film, Sleepy Hollow—and television shows, is also a terrific piece of writing that deserves to be more widely read in its original format. But I digress: I wanted to write here about Rip van Winkle himself and not the author who dreamed him up.

The story is well known and easily retold. One day while wandering deep in the woods near Sleepy Hollow to escape his wife’s endless nagging, Rip runs into the ghosts of the sailors who in their day manned Henry Hudson’s ship, the Half Moon, and promptly joins them in a game of nine pins and in drinking a lot of liquor, whereupon he falls into a deep sleep. Then, when he awakens twenty years later, he discovers that his son is now a grown man, his wife has died, and that he missed the entire American Revolution while he slumbered away. He makes his peace with being a widower easily enough (the Van Winkles don’t seem to have had too happy a marriage), finds it more challenging to abandon his native allegiance to King George, and finally ends up settling in with his grown daughter as he tries to figure out the new world and his place in it.

There are lots of parallel stories to Irving’s tale. Third-century (C.E.) Greek philosopher Diogenes Laëterius, for example, wrote about a man named Epimenides who fell asleep for fifty-seven years and then had to negotiate an entirely new world when he awakened.  Jewish literature has its own version of both Rip van Winkle and Epimenides in Honi the Circle-Drawer, a wonder-working rabbi of the first century (or thereabouts) who fell asleep for seventy years and awakened to find a man tending to carob trees that Honi himself had witnessed the man’s grandfather planting just (it must have felt like) a day earlier. Other cultures have their own versions, but what makes them appealing—and also slightly terrifying— is the fantasy that this could possibly happen to us readers, that we too could possibly get into bed tonight, turn off the light, drift off into sleep…and then awaken not tomorrow morning but a century from now. Nor is it hard to explain why this is such an arresting theme to so many. We all like to think that the world is so sturdy, so substantial, so there, after all…and then an idea like this takes root and suggests that it’s all a chimera, all a fantasy, all an elaborate illusion played out against an equally illusory dreamscape, that what feels so real is only an elaborate set that the stage crew will take down the moment we breathe our last. And why shouldn’t the theater of life mimic the way things work in real theaters? The show closes, the crew strikes the set, the actors return their costumes, and everybody goes home. And, on Broadway, that is that!  

And now it turns out that it really is so that people fall asleep and awaken decades later. Some readers may have noticed a story in the paper a while back about one Munira Abdulla, a woman from a small town in the United Arab Emirates, who was in a terrible automobile accident in 1991 when she was only thirty-two years old. She fell into a coma, but was kept alive by her family in the hope that she might one day awaken. And she did just that, awakening, apparently on her own, after twenty-seven years. Technically speaking, Ms. Abdulla was in the state technically called “minimal consciousness,” which is less bad than being in a full coma (i.e., in which the patient shows no sign of being awake) or in what’s called a persistent vegetative state (in which the patient appears to be awake but shows no signs of awareness). It is, however, still extraordinarily rare for patients possessed of minimal consciousness simply to awaken.

It’s happened closer to home as well. Terry Wallis, for example, was nineteen when his pickup skidded off a bridge near his hometown in Arkansas, which accident left him in a persistent vegetative state. Doctors told his family that he had no chance of recovery. But then he somehow managed to move up a notch into the same state of minimal consciousness that Munira Abdulla was in. And there he remained for nineteen years, domiciled at a nursing home near his parents’ home. And then one day in 2006 his mother walked into his room, whereupon he looked up and said “Mom” out loud, the first word he had uttered in almost two decades.

Donald Herbert’s is a similar story. A Buffalo fire-fighter, Herbert was injured on the job in 1995 when debris in a burning building fell on him and left him in what doctors called a state of “faint consciousness” for a full decade. And then, in 2005, after a full decade of silence, he opened his eyes one day and asked for his wife.  

These are rare stories, obviously. Most comatose people—including people possessed of faint or minimal consciousness—do not suddenly wake up and start talking. Indeed, in every real sense, these people I’ve been writing about are the rare exceptions to an otherwise sad rule. But the fact that such people exist at all is very meaningful: even if the overwhelming majority of comatose patients do not spontaneously wake up, some apparently do. And in that thought inheres the huge problem for society of how to relate to the somewhere between 100,000 and 200,000 Americans who exist in states of partial, faint, or minimal consciousness. Most will never recover. But some few may.

Many readers will remember Penny Marshall’s terrific 1990 movie, Awakenings, starring Robert De Niro and Robin Williams, and based on Oliver Sacks’ 1973 book of the same title. (Less well known is that Harold Pinter wrote a short play, A Kind of Alaska, based on Sacks’ book as well, which is often performed as part of a trilogy of the playwright’s one-act plays.) The story of the book and the movie (and presumably the play as well, which I’d like to see one day) is simple enough: a doctor working in 1969 at a public hospital in the Bronx is charged with caring for a ward of catatonic patients who survived the world-wide epidemic of encephalitis (specifically the version called encephalitis lethargica) in the 1920’s. The doctor, very movingly and effectively portrayed by the late Robin Williams, somehow has the idea to try using L-Dopa, a drug used to treat Parkinson’s Disease, on these patients and gets astounding results; the movie is basically about one of those patients, portrayed by Robert De Niro, whose “awakening” is depicted in detail. It doesn’t work in the long run, though; each “awakened” patient, including the one played by De Niro, eventually returns to catatonia no matter how high a dose of L-Dopa any is given. The movie thus ends both hopefully and tragically: the former because these people on whom the world had long-since given up were given a final act in the course of which they sampled, Rip Van Winkle-style, the world a half-century after they fell asleep; and the latter because, in the end, the experiment failed and no one was cured in anything like a long-term or fully meaningful way.

Why do these stories exert such a strong effect on me? It’s not that easy for me to say, but if I had to hazard a guess, I think I’d say that the concept of dying to the world briefly and then coming back to life to see what happened while you were gone is what draws me in. (Fans of Mark Twain will recall Tom Sawyer’s wish to be “dead temporarily.” But even Tom and Huck only manage to be gone from the world long enough to attend their own funeral and enjoy the eulogies they hear praising them, not to vanish for decades and then come back to life.) I’m sure there would be surprises if I were to go to bed tonight and wake up in 2089. Some would be amusing—seeing what model iPhone they’ve gotten up to or what version of Windows, or if anyone even remembers either—and some would be amazing: if the President of the United States in 2089 is sixty years old, then he or she won’t have been born yet.  But mostly it would be chastening, and in the extreme, to see how all the various things that seem so immutable, so permanent, so rooted in reality in our world, have all vanished from the world, as will probably also have all of the houses in which we live today, the banks in which we store our cash, and even the shore lines that mark the boundary between the wine-dark sea and the dry land upon which we live in safety or think we do. Depending on a wide variety of factors, that thought is either depressing or exhilarating. But in either event, it makes it easier not to sweat the small stuff or allow our own anxieties to impact negatively on the pleasures life can offer to the living.

I will bring all these thoughts with me as I prepare for Israel in a few weeks’ time because the Rip Van Winkle and Terry Wallis stories are Jerusalem’s own as well. The vibrant center of Jewish life for more than a millennium when the Temple was destroyed in the first century, the city was suddenly emptied of its Jews by its Roman overlords who renamed it and forbade Jews from living there. And yet…some small remnant always remained in place while the city slept. And then, just when the Jewish Jerusalem’s faint consciousness seemed poised to flicker and die out entirely…just the opposite happened as Jews from all over the world built a new city on the outskirts of the old one and breathed consciousness and life itself into its ancient alleys and byways. As the patient came back to life, she didn’t only re-enter history either—she began to be a player in her own story, stepping off the stage to become her own play’s playwright and director. It felt like a miracle then and it feels like one to me today too.

When I’m in Jerusalem, I myself feel my consciousness expanding and becoming in equal parts rejuvenated, reconstituted, and revivified. I never run out of things to do, to write, to read, to experience. I can’t imagine being bored in Jerusalem, even on a hot day in mid-summer when I could just as easily be on the beach in Tel Aviv. I love the beach! But there is something about the air in Jerusalem, and the light, that is the spiritual version of L-Dopa that Robin Williams gives his patients in Penny Marshall’s movie. Except that it doesn’t wear off with time and, if anything, only gets stronger and more powerful as the weeks I spend in Jerusalem pass one by one until the time comes to come home and begin a new year in this place we have all settled.

[dgcatanisiri]

I’m not one of those saying that The Last Jedi needs to be declared non-canon, or that it should be remade. Those are possibilities that are never happening either way, and anyone who legitimately believes they’re possible outcomes is deluding themselves. 

I AM saying, though, that it’s a VERY flawed movie with a serious tonal dissonance in comparison to The Force Awakens. The fact that it was written by someone else from the preceding movie is blatantly obvious, because the script for TFA and the script for TLJ treat similar subject matters in very different ways. The things that TFA seemed to be setting up are dismissed by TLJ for other ideas in other directions.

It feels like a movie that works best in isolation - as a movie on its own, I would probably be more charitable with it. But when it’s put in the context of the previous seven movies, it looks like a mess. Which is kind of a mistake when we’re talking about a movie that is billed as the eighth installment of the franchise’s main series.

Ultimately, when I look at The Last Jedi as a movie, I see it more as a movie with good ideas and less-good execution. Which isn’t exactly damning with faint praise, really, because I can at least recognize where they were coming from, what they were trying to do, and I can offer some recognition. But the execution still counts for a lot of things. People gave the prequels hell over their execution of good ideas, even the pettiest of them. All I’m doing is offering one viewer’s critique of what I saw presented on screen.

So let me list things that give me pause in TLJ.

Finn’s Demotion

In TFA, Finn was unquestionably the male lead. Indeed, keeping in mind that Poe’s survival was changed at the last minute because JJ Abrams found out that Oscar Issac wasn’t satisfied with dying in the TIE crash on Jakku, we are introduced to his character arc first, even before we meet Rey. He is a driving motivation for the movie’s plot, to the point that he makes the attack on Starkiller Base possible. His story is pushing the plot of TFA forward, to the point where if he were removed, the story does not continue or make sense.

His story in TLJ is a comic relief subplot that could be excised from the movie and nothing is lost. Indeed, the Canto Bight/dreadnought infiltration sequence is a plot cul-de-sac, where Finn and Rose go off somewhere to do something and come right back to fail at their mission and it ultimately has no bearing on the plot of the movie. Hell, Finn is the feature of multiple deleted scenes, saying that his character HAD more to contribute, but it was decided that his story could be cut down. If you were to make a cut of TLJ that removed Finn entirely, the movie would progress with no interruption or question of ‘hey wait, how’d we get here?’

The male lead of The Force Awakens’s character arc was cut down in The Last Jedi, the follow-up. And in his place, Kylo Ren has become the male lead of TLJ. That’s an issue I’ll get to later, but suffice to say, Finn is treated as a superfluous character of the movie. 

The fact that he infiltrates a First Order vessel, after his defection was his defining character trait in TFA, and nothing about this is explored or examined, seeing what this means for him, to return to the world he’d left behind, is really one of the most galling things. Cut Canto Bight entirely and have him and Rose infiltrate the First Order, and actively explore it, you’ve made this a major part of the plot, both for the movie proper, to explore the motivations and intentions of the First Order in deeper detail, and the character, who, again, had about 70% of his character arc left on the cutting room floor. 

Finn is, in the final cut of The Last Jedi, an afterthought, a lingering appendage they couldn’t cut off, but was sidelined as much as possible. 

The Poe-Holdo Plot

This one’s going to be a long one, but it’s got a web of issues within it, so bear with me here.

There’s something that could work here. Poe being reckless, Holdo being the authority figure that he butts heads with. Even the movie itself seems to want to say that they both had fair points, considering the bit where Holdo tells Leia she likes him (after the mutiny) and Poe is fine with her plan once he knows what it is.

But here’s how this falls apart: At one point, Poe specifically says ‘I don’t care if I’m not part of the plan, just tell me there is one!’ Holdo is playing all her cards close to the vest so tightly that it’s not just Poe who mutinies. It’s a handful of the Resistance, Connix (the character played by Billie Lourd, Carrie Fisher’s daughter) included. We saw her directing the evacuation of D’Qar at the start of TLJ, which means she’s got a fairly solid rank within the Resistance - you don’t put a vital task like that in the hands of some junior officer. And SHE hasn’t been told about Holdo’s plan.

And once Poe finds out about her plan, he’s completely accepting of it. What mattered to him wasn’t that he be involved in the plan, but that they weren’t just running out the clock to when the First Order could wipe them out completely. Holdo’s refusal to even acknowledge a plan - a plan that, frankly, I find it questionable that he wouldn’t be on the shortlist of being told, regardless of rank, given his skill and the fact that he’s a hero of the attack on Starkiller, because it would call for having their best pilots on hand, and it isn’t like being short-staffed isn’t a major point for the Resistance in this plotline - is what brings him to the decision to mutiny, because apparently no one but Holdo’s inner circle are even aware OF the plan. Not what the plan is, but its existence.

Poe’s mutiny comes about because of her withholding information, which, while understandable, because she is the acting head of the Resistance and Poe is a soldier on reprimand as it is, but... It honestly comes across as personal on her part - Poe was the one who led Cobalt Squad at the start to their deaths, Cobalt Squad was under her command. There is a time and a place for teaching someone humility. Being under the direct threat of the death of yourself, your soldiers, and indeed, the Resistance in its entirety? This seems like a poor time for that.

Since it was brought up recently, let’s address Holdo’s appearance. Her dress is not that of a military officer, unlike every other high-ranking member of the Resistance. Holdo looks like she’s dressed for a high class dinner party, not combat. Whatever you want to say about the message intended to be sent, what I come away seeing is a character who is not taking this threat to the future of the Resistance seriously, because she is walking around in an outfit more suited for drinking wine with Senators than a military combat zone, a vessel directly under fire from an enemy with tactical superiority. 

Like... look how she stands out against these pilots and soldiers, and not in a good way. Look, we even see a command officer in the bottom right corner, a woman with a military uniform and a rank insignia. Or the line of soldiers behind her, wearing combat fatigues. Holdo’s appearance is not that of a military leader, and yet that is the role that she is in, that she knows she is in all through the movie - even if she wasn’t dressed properly when she takes command, that her promotion came about abruptly and needed her to take command immediately, she never changes out of that to appear more like a military command officer.

The movie narratively frames her as being in the wrong, too - she’s a new character who, in moments of her introduction, condescends to Poe, a character we’ve already built a connection with. Now, you want to talk about this as a subversion of audience expectations? Okay, here’s the problem with this as a subversion - Poe is shown accepting her plan instantly once he knows about it. He repeatedly asks to be let in on the existence of the plan, not the details. For it to be a subversion, he’d have to learn a lesson, but his actions feel more justified, because he TRIED to get the information from her. Hell, he didn’t even go that far, he tried just to get the existence of the information from her, that there WAS a plan being put in place, even if it didn’t include him. 

His efforts go from questioning her one-on-one, in which she brushes him off, in front of subordinates, which she ignores, and finally one last chance to say ANYTHING about her plan at the very start of his mutiny. Considering the deadline they were under of less than eighteen hours, that’s actually pretty generous, when the alternative is certain death at the hands of the First Order. Meanwhile, we see no indication that Holdo regrets what she did, even though it led to a mutiny that could easily have been avoided and the signs for it coming about were there for all to see. The closest is her sacrificing herself to ram the First Order vessels, which comes across not a narrative ‘I must atone for my mistakes’ death but ‘I will give up my life for others.’

This plot is a mess, and I find it... sketchy at best, when in tandem with point number one, that Finn (a black man) being bumped from male lead to allow a white man to take his spot and Poe (a Latino man) has to learn a lesson about listening to authority from a white woman. Being white myself, I don’t feel like the person who is best qualified to explain the issues of this, but it feels... questionable at best that this happened

Luke’s ‘Moment of Weakness’

“I feel the good in you, Father. Let go of your hate!”

Luke Skywalker never stopped believing there was good in Darth Vader. Darth Vader, the man who tortured both of his closest friends. The man who cut off his hand. The man who had been the Emperor’s personal attack dog for twenty years. The man who is, to this day, still considered the embodiment of evil, despite Palpatine having been pulling his strings.

And you want me to believe that he would, for even a moment, contemplate killing his nephew for what he might become? That he would contemplate it enough to stand over his nephew with a lit lightsaber?

Nuh uh. I don’t. I will never.

Look, you want me to go with a narrative of ‘our heroes sometimes let us down’? Fine. I can work with that. But it needs to make sense. It needs to be a moment of weakness that can be understood. This one is not. This is the man who, while being electrocuted by the Emperor begged Vader, who had, not five minutes earlier, been ready to kill him himself, who, again, has a list of direct personal kills longer than the Kessel Run, to save him. Even in desperation for his life, Luke calls to Vader, asking, begging him to save him. In the moments that could have been his last, he makes an appeal to the good in Vader.

So you want me to believe that he has a moment of weakness to consider killing his nephew as he sleeps? No. I can’t accept that. That is not a moment of weakness that is based on the character we’ve seen. If anything, Luke’s greatest flaw is his unshakable faith in people, even when they’ve broken beyond all belief. His moment of weakness would not be in considering to kill Kylo Ren. It would be realizing that he had given up on Kylo entirely.

And yeah, you can say ‘those are the same thing,’ but the movie frames Luke making the decision to kill Kylo as that moment. Not, say, seeing Kylo standing in the ruins of Luke’s academy, the building a smoldering ruin and surrounded by the corpses of his students. THAT is the moment he would decide to run, to exile himself from the galaxy. 

Luke’s moment of weakness wasn’t in considering killing Kylo. It was in running away to exile because he’d failed as a teacher and unleashed a new Vader on the galaxy.

The Timeline Makes No Damn Sense

The evacuation of D’Qar is implied to be shortly after the destruction of Starkiller Base at the end of TFA. Rey has traveled to Ahch-to to begin her training as a Jedi. Fair enough.

The evacuation gets underway, and we’re told they have eighteen hours of fuel left. Okay. Finn and Rose go to Canto Bight in an effort to find the codebreaker so the Resistance vessels can’t be tracked in hyperspace. I’m raising a skeptical eyebrow that the fuel can’t be put to better use, but fine. The entire Canto Bight sequence takes place within that eighteen hour period with time to spare to get back. Okay. Okay. That’s stretching it, but okay.

Rey manages to complete her training, which is explicitly taking place over days, if not weeks, and rejoin the fighting just in time for the fuel to run out. 

Wait. Rey’s training is explicitly taking place over days, even though everything happening with everyone else is explicitly taking place in the same twenty-four hour period. What?

The easiest explanation, of course, is that Rey’s plot is taking place on a different time scale, starting earlier than the evacuation of D’Qar... Which is explicitly taking place very shortly after the destruction of Starkiller. And, because of her communications through the Force with Kylo Ren, seem to be roughly on par with the timeline of the rest of the movie. 

I... Look, hyperspace travel may be intentionally left sketchy on distance traveled at a given speed in a given ship, but this timeline makes no damn sense whatsoever.

Yoda

The muppet had no business being the one to tell Luke that the Jedi Order had failed and he needed to let go of it. Yoda never learned this lesson himself, and I said as much from the first time I saw TLJ in theaters. If anything, this should have been Anakin’s moment with his son, a moment that we are likely never to get after this movie. Anakin was the Jedi Order’s failure, and it was because of their rigid devotion to the Jedi teachings. 

If the rest of the movie was supposed to be flying in the face of nostalgia as some claim, Yoda’s appearance smacks entirely OF nostalgia.

The Death of Snoke

I’m actually of two minds on this one. But let’s discuss the mind that didn’t like this. Snoke had been built up as a bigger threat. That he’d somehow gotten to Ben Solo to twist him to the dark side. That he’s this big bad Force user, tying together the remnants of the Empire into the First Order. He is the Supreme Leader, ascending to the throne left empty after Palpatine’s death.

And then he’s so casually killed off, you have to wonder what the point of the character even was.

It’s not so much the death itself that bothers me - I said I was of two minds on this one, and I appreciate it as the step that solidifies that Kylo Ren has made his choice, and it’s the dark side. But it’s the fact that it’s such an anti-climax that bothers me. He’d been built up, and we’re left with no answers about who and what he is, how he got to his position, why the First Order follows him... Nothing. He is a cipher for the plot.

Rey’s Belief In Kylo Ren

Honestly, this one is more that it makes me uncomfortable than anything empirically wrong on a story level. I can understand how Rey would latch on to this bond between her and Kylo. I can accept that, once she did that, she would want to try and pull him back to the light. I can even go along with her disappointment once he makes his decision.

But it still skews uncomfortably into the realm of her devoting herself to trying to ‘fix’ the broken man. Fortunately, she seems to give up on him after he ascends to the role of Supreme Leader, but still... For the movie to spend this time on her being tied to his arc is troubling, especially when it makes her arc take a backseat.

Where’s The Hope?

I went into this a few weeks ago, when The Last Jedi ends, I don’t walk out with a feeling of hope. Just despair. Our heroes only victory in this movie is that they’re not all dead. That’s really about it. They’re down to a motley crew that can fit in the Falcon, so no more than forty tops, at a stretch. Down from a force that numbered in hundreds at the start. Their fleet is gone, Luke and Han have been killed. The First Order is still out there, still with tactical superiority. No one came to their aid at Crait beyond Luke. 

Hope was the driving force of this franchise. Rogue One used “Rebellions are built on hope” as a tagline. The first movie’s subtitle is “A New Hope.” Even Revenge of the Sith, a movie we all went in to KNOWING it would end on a bleak note, offered a direct beacon of hope in seeing the birth of the twins. TLJ just offers a child gazing up at the stars with dreams of being something more than a slave. THAT’S the big inspirational message here. A child character we don’t know looking up to the stars with dreams, while the heroes we spent the rest of the movie watching chug along in what is accurately described as a past-warranty winnebago with no destination in mind and the bad guys having won by running them off.

Subversions can work. But I think that subverting the Star Wars universe on this type of scale would have worked better under the Star Wars Story brand, rather than the main sequence of movies, because this is where the heart of Star Wars has always been. Hope has been a driving force in this series.

And The Last Jedi did not leave me feeling much in the way of hope.

The movie does get some things right - I am perfectly accepting of the idea that Rey is not part of some great Force lineage, and still powerful. There’s no need for her to be part of some longstanding line of Jedi, because the Force is able to manifest in anyone. Why limit it to the Skywalkers, the Solos, the Kenobis, the Jinns, whoever?

I love Rose, and think she’s a great addition to the Star Wars universe. 

Despite making Kylo Ren the male lead, the movie doesn’t jump to saying that he’s a pure, innocent soul being misled. He made his choice, and he’s actively living with the consequences. With the end of the movie framing it as a hollow victory, it does feel like a cautionary tale.

Again, I’m unsatisfied with the movie, but I can live with it - it’s one movie out of three in the trilogy, nine in the main series, eleven (so far) in the franchise. You can’t please everyone. I get all of that, and I’m still going to see Episode IX. Hell, I went to see Solo after this. So I am not saying that the franchise is ruined forever or anything. I just think this movie was... Perhaps the best way to put it is that it was trying to push too many ideas at once. Individually, I think a lot of the ideas involved in here are workable. Just maybe that I found there to be too many ideas happening at once that they didn’t get the time they needed to be worked through enough to solidify in the best possible story.

[floral-and-fine]

Exposing What’s Significant part 1

Solo!Triplets x Female!reader

Soulmate AU

Summary: An alternate universe where Matt and Kylo are Ben Solo’s clones. 

A/n: I am so siked about this idea! I wanted it to be only one part but figured it would be best to break it into parts, I have no idea how many parts yet. I’m hoping just one more. Also I hope I did it justice!

'Why do all the corridors have to look the same on this base?' Matt thought as he wandered around carrying his toolbox. Somewhere on this wing was a circuit board that needed replacing. It should be an easy fix if he could find the correct panel. The problem was that all the corridors in this place were identical.

His eyes scanned the area, he scrunched his face, that panel on the side could be the right one.

Matt crouched down and started to unscrew it lose. Taking a glance, all the wires and conductors looked fine, nothing needed fixing or replacing. Matt replaced the panel cover, this has to be the sixth one he's checked this morning.

Sighing, he picked up his toolbox, he has to be close to finding it, he had other repairs to make today.

Matt tripped, as a couple of stormtroopers pushed him aside, causing him to drop his wrench on the floor. He looked up from the floor and watched them walk past like he was nothing. Matt sat up picking up his wrench, as he stood back up. He readjusted his glasses, pushing them back up the bridge of his nose.

Just another morning on Starkiller base he thought to himself.

Matt refocused on his work, a part of him wished life was more exciting than this, that people respected him more than they did, but in the end, he figures he should just be grateful to be alive.

The boys were shivering exposed to the outside, dripping wet standing in the center of a large lab. They both had just been flushed out of their tanks. A little while ago the could barely stand.

The boys were scanned by different machines. The men in white coats flashed lights in their eyes, drew their blood with syringes, and conducted various tests.Then whispered among themselves.

"Inform the supreme leader," one of them announced.

Moments later an old man escorted by men in red armor entered the room. He raised his brow looking at the two adolescent boys.

"What would you have us do with the... mistake, sir?"

The blonde boy's eyes widened at the word 'mistake'.  

His eyes darted over to the boy next to him, they were identical in every way, with the exception of their hair. His own messy blonde tresses falling into his eyes, blurring his vision which was already unclear.

He watched the other boy who stood quietly, unflinchingly calm underneath the scrutinization of the scientist and of this 'supreme leader'.

There was nothing wrong with that one.

The blonde knew he was the mistake. There was something wrong with him. He began to cower behind one of the scientists, trying to remove himself from the direct gaze of the old man.

He feared the worst. He had only been awake for a few hours, his life couldn't possibly already be over?

"We'll find some type of use for him," the supreme leader decided.

"Of course, sir," The doctor agreed.

The supreme leader redirected his attention to the dark-haired boy, "And this one?"

"He's a perfect specimen, sir," the scientist replied, his tone full of pride. "An exact replica."

Perfect. That one was perfect. The blonde thought to himself.

"Come," barked the man to the dark-haired boy, who responded by raising his eyebrows.

"We start your training now, Kylo."

The dark-haired boy narrowed his eyes, "Ky-lo," he repeated in a dry scratchy voice, testing out his name.

The old man turned his heel followed by his red guards. Kylo glanced back at the other boy for a split second before following the man.

The blonde's shoulders slumped, at least he wasn't going to be disposed of, but everything about his existence still seemed so uncertain.

A silence fell upon the entire wing.

The two stormtroopers from earlier suddenly scurried back, then stood stock-still with their backs against the wall of the corridor.

Kylo Ren strode through the hall with an aura of purpose. He paid no mind to those he passed even though all eyes were on him.

With the utmost subtleness, Kylo turned his head looking down at Matt as he continued to make his way forward. Matt had heard that Kylo was sent to retrieve something important for the first order, he wondered if they had been successful.

An inaudible sigh of relief washed over the hall once Kylo was out of sight. Everyone on the base, with maybe the exception of General Hux, feared Kylo. It was crazy for Matt to imagine that he could’ve had the same respect.

Matt gathered his tools. There was still a circuit board that needed to be replaced. If he was lucky he could get it done before lunch.

"I win again, Dameron!" Ben boasted, jumping out of his X-wing. He took off his helmet, his thick black hair falling around his face.

Poe rolled his eyes and stretched his arms over his head. He loved Ben like a brother, but his competitiveness got real old after awhile.

"Don't get too cocky, Solo. I almost had you back there."

"Hey, nothing wrong with being the second best pilot in the resistance," Ben laughed heading towards the inside of the docking hangar.

'Woooo Beep Beep boop,' (Better than being the galaxy’s biggest jerk) screeched BB8 who rolled over to Poe’s side.

"I heard that BB!" Ben shouted back at the little droid.

'Beep' (ass.) BB added.

Poe nodded his head in agreement, "Couldn't have said it better myself little buddy."

He removed his flight gear and put on his jacket, before following Ben inside. Inside everyone was bustling around and working. Running down the hall, he caught up to Ben as they were approached by a messenger.

“The General has requested your presence in the comm room.”

“We shouldn’t keep her waiting,” Poe suggested.

Ben smirked, finally some action, it was getting way too boring around here lately.

"Mo- ugh General!" Ben corrected himself as he strutted over to the center of the room.

The comm room glowed lit with various holos and vids of base and data. The General was examining the latest reports from the Republic.

"General," Poe formally greeted.

Ben resisted the urge to laugh over Poe’s goody two shoes behavior. He was such a suck up, ever since they were children.  His mom always said that Poe was a good influence on him. Even though Ben had gotten Poe in plenty of trouble over the years.

"We're planning a small recon mission, I need my best to handle it," she explained, leaning forward against the table.  "Are you two up for it?"

Ben clapped a hand on Poe’s shoulder, “Of course we are!”

The mission was simple enough, go to Jakku retrieve the map and return home.

From inside the hut, Ben and Poe could hear the commotion outside from the villagers, something about an enemy ship entering the atmosphere.

“Sounds like we need to go,” Poe stated cautiously taking a peek from the window.

‘Woooop’ (oh no!) BB8 whirled around in a slight panic.

Suddenly the sound of blasters being fired filled the air.

“We need to get back to the ship.”

“What about all those people?” Ben asked.

The villagers were innocent. It felt wrong to abandon them, to leave them to their own devices, just for the First Order to kill them or take them, prisoner.

“I know you want to help them, but we can’t without jeopardizing our mission,” Poe advised.

Ben ran his fingers through his hair. He could hear them yelling and screaming. But Poe was right, they needed to get out of there.

“Fine,” he reluctantly agreed. “Let’s go.”

In the midst of all the chaos, a tall figure dressed all in black strutted towards them.

“Go!” Poe ordered Ben. “I’ll try to hold him off.”

Poe took a couple of shots with his blaster. The man easily dodged them. The last shot stopped, suspended in mid-air.

“Screw this,” Ben muttered to himself. “Get to the ship BB!”

“Hey!” Ben shouted, intervening despite Poe’s earlier objections, stepping in between Kylo and his friend.

He drew his lightsaber.

"Ben Solo," Kylo acknowledged. “We finally meet."

"So you're the infamous Kylo Ren," Ben evaluated his opponent looking him up and down. "I'm not impressed."

He had heard about how intimidating this guy was, but Ben wasn't seeing it. Kylo Ren was just another pawn of the supreme leader. Nothing to be afraid of.

"Is that so?" Kylo inched closer. Both of them had their hands firmly gripping the hilt of their lightsabers.

This had to have been the worst day of his life. So what if he got a little pissed off. But what his uncle said had gotten under his skin.

The words played over and over in his head, “Your weakness will be your undoing, you must fight against it.”

Aimlessly, Ben wandered around in the dark swamp. He just needed some space and time alone. His parents insisted that training with his uncle would be for the best. But Ben didn’t agree, he didn’t want to leave his home or his family. He didn’t care about being a Jedi.

In all honesty, he wanted to be a pilot, like his dad, but what he wanted didn’t matter.  

He found a spot to sit, on the log of a collapsed tree.

Ben sighed, he was trying his best. All he wanted was their approval, from his dad, his uncle, and his mother.

He hated it, anytime he felt anything or showed any kind of emotion his entire family reacted as if he was going to snap, and force choke all them.

But what made it even worse is that everyone assumed the worst of him.

He was approached by a stranger, an old man.

“I can sense your greatness, boy,” the stranger spoke.“The power that resides within you.”

Ben narrowed his eyes, standing and cautiously taking a step back. He didn’t know what it was about the stranger, but he made Ben feel uneasy.

“I can train you,” the man offered. “If you join me, you’ll never have to hold back.”

Ben looked at the ground, a part of him wanted to say yes. He was so tired of having to hold back, of having to worry about if something he did would remind them of Vader.

“I won’t join you,” Ben finally responded standing defiantly.

But this, this wasn’t the way to prove them wrong, it would only prove them right about him.

In a blink of an eye, their lightsabers collided. The red glow of Kylo’s lightsaber illuminated Ben’s face.

Ben spun around and swung his lightsaber again. Kylo easily dodged the strike, countering with a swing of his own.

"Fuck," Ben muttered falling back. He would never admit it, but this Kylo Ren was proving to be more of a challenge then he predicted.

Ben lunged forward, their lightsabers connecting again. No matter from which side or angle he came from his enemy was able to block or dodge it.

"Let's go, Ben!" Poe shouted trying to hold off the oncoming troops. "We're outnumbered!"

Ben looked at Poe, then back again at Kylo.

There wasn’t really any other option right now, the village was on fire and the stormtroopers were marching through and attacking. There’s no way Poe and he would be able to succeed.

“Fine,” Ben gave in.

Both of them made their way back to Poe’s ship. Kylo didn’t bother to chase after them, the stormtroopers pursued them instead. Out of breath, Ben climbed aboard the X-Wing. He turned, to offer Poe his hand to help him on the ship only to see that Poe wasn’t there behind.

“Dameron?!” Ben shouted. When did they get separated?

“Just go!” Ben heard Poe scream.

Out in the distance, Ben could see Poe being captured by a couple of stormtroopers.

‘Woo Wop’ (what about Poe?) BB8 asked.

“We can’t BB, we have to go now.”

Ben couldn't believe it! He had been bested by some First Order bitch in a black dress, and his best friend is now their prisoner. Not to mention he somehow lost the map during all the anarchy.

"Damn coward hiding behind that ugly ass mask," he sneered.  

Ben shook his head, he was letting his anger get the best of him. He flopped on his bed and crossed his legs. He focused on his breathing. 'in and out, in and out.' He needed to have more control than this, he was a Jedi and fighter for the resistance. He should be calm, cool, collected.

Next time he'll get that smug bastard and knock him down a peg! In fact, he'll be taking down the whole Order! Ben thought to himself clutching his fists tightly.

"Hey," a voice interrupted his thoughts.

Ben looked up to see his mom enter through the doorway.

"I figured you'd still be pissed about what happened earlier and blaming yourself for everything. So I brought you some dinner," Leia announced holding a tray in her hands.

Ben smiled, she could've just ordered someone to bring him food, but this was her excuse to come see him.

"Thanks," he said, giving her a small smile.

She placed the tray on his desk and sat next to him on the bed.

"Let's talk about it," she offered, looking back him concerned. He loved seeing this side of his mother, the part of her that wasn't a General or princess, but just a mom.

Ben sighed, he might as well get it all off his chest.

“It’s all my fault about Poe,” he muttered.

“He knew the risks,” she reminded him, trying to make him feel better.

“No, it is my fault,” Ben argued. “If I didn’t engage with the enemy… if I just listened, maybe it would’ve turned out differently.”

“It’s going to be alright,” Leia soothed, rubbing his shoulder.

"But that guy, Kylo Ren,” Ben uttered the name with disgust. “He got under my skin... I couldn't get the upper hand. It was like he knew my every move," Ben admitted, running his fingers through his hair.

"Well, he is a force user like yourself perhaps-" Leia started until Ben cut her off.

"No, it wasn't like that, it had nothing to do with the force," he explained. He replayed every move in his mind, every hit and every block, all of it. He looked up at his mom, shaking his head slightly.

"He fought just like me," Ben narrowed his eyes frowning as he thought about it. "Exactly like me... just more reckless, like he had nothing to lose."

He put his head in his hands, "I'm sorry, I fucked up. I’m sorry I failed."

"I'm just glad you're home safe," she held her son, wrapping her arms around his shoulder. She was aware of all the stress he put himself, she felt the same type of pressure on herself.

"I know, mom."

Still damp from his shower, Kylo’s entire body tensed, his entire body reacted to seeing his own reflection from the corner of his eye. His hands bunched into tight fists, while he stood aggressively across from the mirror.

Kylo rarely saw himself without the helmet, so it didn’t immediately register in his mind that he was looking at himself, instead, it was like looking at Ben Solo. For a moment he was back in that desert.

He studied his face closely. The resemblance between them was not a surprise. But after having fought Ben face to face, it had made Kylo weary of his own appearance.

There was something else that Kylo was preoccupied with, and that was the result of their recent battle. They were too evenly matched, which was more than Kylo cared for. He should’ve been able to tear through him easily.

He would not be bested by that arrogant fool. Kylo would double or triple his time training in order to surpass Ben.

“What is this?” Kylo asked examining the artifact that the supreme leader had presented him with. It didn’t make any sense that he would give this to him.The helmet in question was so badly damaged that Kylo couldn’t imagine what purpose it could serve.

“It is a remnant from the past,” Snoke explained. “That helmet belonged to Darth Vader, a powerful sith lord.”

“Darth Vader,” Kylo recognized the name, it came up in his lessons. He clutched the helmet tighter.

“You are his grandson, part of his bloodline.”

“You mean Ben Solo is his grandson, he’s the one you created me from,” Kylo replied, furrowing his brow.

Snoke squinted his eyes, that obviously wasn’t the response he was wanting. Kylo had become increasingly rebellious, questioning his purpose and place with the First Order. The boy was smart enough not the voice these thoughts of his, but the supreme leader could sense the doubts in Kylo’s mind.

“He would be proud of you Kylo. He would be proud of your work.”

Kylo didn’t understand why, but he liked the idea of someone feeling proud of him.

Kylo exited the refresher and looked over at the helmet, which was displayed in his room. It was one of his very few personal possessions.

“Grandfather,” he muttered to himself, sitting across from it. He would never dare speak of his doubts out loud. But he couldn’t help but wonder if this was the path he was meant to be on.

He stared at the helmet stoically in stony silence. Kylo wanted some sort of guidance, but there was no one he could turn to.

What would Darth Vader think of Ben Solo, his real grandson? Ben Solo the Jedi? What would he think of Kylo’s weakness?

Kylo grabbed his lightsaber.  He headed straight for the training room. He wouldn’t fail again.

You had been captured by the First Order in a small village in Jakku. Two stormtroopers had taken you as you tried to escape into the desert away from the fighting and the chaos. With all your might you struggled against them hoping to break free.

Once inside the ship, your hands were restrained. You were completely clueless as to why they had even attacked Jakku. The stormtroopers wouldn’t answer any of your questions.

You watched as they dragged several other prisoners into the ship. Quietly, you tried your best to free your hands without drawing too much attention to yourself.

The stormtroopers escorted you and the rest of the prisoners to various holding cells. There was one prisoner, in particular, that was taken to a different area. You overheard that that prisoner was going to be interrogated.  

Still wriggling your hands you were finally successful at getting one loose. This was your chance, you had to at least try to escape and get away from this place. You pushed one of the stormtroopers aside stealing his blaster as you did so. Quickly you fired at the others, then started running.

You ran through various corridors, trying to lose them.

With your back pressed against the wall, you hid behind the corner. Hopefully, you were able to get them off your trail. This whole base was like a maze, but you couldn’t stay in one spot for too long if you were trying to avoid getting caught. Holding your breath you peeked around, the hall was empty.

You hissed feeling your neck start to burn.

“What the hell?” you muttered to yourself, you did not need this right now. Why out of all places in the whole galaxy would your soulmate be here?

You turned to look behind you, to see a tall man in an orange vest looking very confused as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. You knew an instant that he was the one. Your soulmate.

You stepped away from the wall and stood directly in front of him. His entire body froze as his eyes went wide.

The way you looked at him made his heart race. Nobody in Matt's life had ever looked at him like this. You were staring at him and just him with tears brimming at the edge of your eyes.

You wrapped your arms around his middle. Hesitantly, the blonde held you. You could hear his heart speed up as you pressed your head against his chest.

"You're him," you whispered, this was unbelievable.  

"Him who?" he asked confused, not that he minded being hugged by a pretty girl.

You blinked your eyes, pulling back a little to look up at his face. Matt already missed your closeness, so he tightened his hold on you like you might slip away.

"My soulmate," you stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Soulmate?" Matt repeated, he didn't understand. How did he, a mistake, deserve a soulmate.

"You feel it right there don't you?" you motioned to the back of her neck.

He nodded his head.

“Well, that’s where your soulmark is,” you explained. “Just like mine.”

A sweet smile formed on his lips, “can I see it?”

You nodded, letting him take a look at your neck. His fingers traced the outline of the triangle that was identical to his own tattoo on his neck.

“I’m Matt,” he introduced himself.

“y/n.” 

“Y/n,” he repeated your name, sighing.

“Why haven’t I seen you around before?” Matt asked.

You let out a nervous laugh, surely he wouldn’t turn you in, would he? He seemed so kind and gentle.

“I just escaped,” you began to fill him in. “I was captured and brought here.”

You looked up at his face to gauge his reaction. He face was scrunched, and filled with concern.

“I’ll keep you safe,” Matt promised.

Footsteps echoed through the corridor, someone was headed your way. Without thinking, Matt took your hand and started running. He didn’t really have a plan or a place to take you, but neither of you could stay out in the open like this.

In his haste, Matt collided into a stormtrooper.They both fell backward. During the fall, Matt’s glasses slipped off his face.

You wanted to help him up, but you were frozen with fear. What if this stormtrooper would try to capture you. You prayed that you weren’t getting Matty in any trouble for this as well.  

“Matt are you okay?” the stormtrooper asked in a surprisingly kind voice.

“FN2187?” Matt reached over picking his glasses up off the floor. “What are you doing here?”

This was the cellblock where the First Order kept and interrogated prisoners, FN2187 didn’t have a reason to be there.

“Listen, I don’t really have much time to talk,” FN2187 explained.

You entwined your fingers with Matt. His eyes widened, he totally forgot that he needed to hide you someplace safe.

“Us too,” Matt mumbled rubbing the back of his head.

The stormtrooper nodded his head, “Goodbye Matt.”

Matt looked over at you, his soulmate, “let’s go.”

“Sir,” one of the officers spoke. “We’ve received an SOS from Dameron.”

Ben’s eyes lit up. Poe was ok and he managed to escape from the First Order. He stood up immediately and started putting his gear on. There wasn’t any time to spare.

“Where is he?” Ben asked, already heading straight towards the docking bay.

“Jakku, sir.”

“Inform the General,” he ordered. “I’m going back to Jakku.”

Ben needed this, a chance at redemption. He was going to rescue Poe and find the map.

In his X Wing, he plotted a course back to Jakku using Poe’s last known coordinates.

As he reached his destination, Ben laughed spotting Poe standing near the wreckage of a stolen tie fighter. He felt a wave of relief wash over him seeing his friend alive.

“Poe!” he shouted exiting the ship.

“Solo!”

“Who this?” Ben asked acknowledging the stranger with Poe.

“This is Finn,” Poe announced. “He helped me escape.”

Ben extended his hand shaking Finn’s.

“You look kind of familiar…” Finn muttered releasing Ben’s hand and squinting his eyes.

Ben shrugged, “I don’t think we’ve met before.”

Finn nodded dropping the subject. “Well now that we have a way off this planet, we should probably get going,”

“Not yet, I’ve got to find that map,” Ben explained. “I need to complete our mission.”

“The First Order will be here soon,” Finn replied. “We need to leave.”

Poe nodded his head, it was dangerous but they couldn’t let the First Order have the map.

“We need to return to where the village was and then start our search from there,” Poe suggested.

“You guys are crazy! Did either of you hear me?!” Finn groaned, throwing his hands in the air.

“Your new friend seems kinda anxious,” Ben muttered.

“Well he did just betray the First Order,” Poe stated. . . . It was like deja vu.

Finn had warned them that the First Order would find them if they stayed on Jakku and he was right.

“You guys head back to the ship,” Ben ordered, “I’m going to find that map.”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Poe retorted, “Haven’t you learned anything from last time?”

“Yeah, I learned that we don’t really have time to argue,” Ben replied smirking.

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Finn added.

“Damn it,” Poe resigned, “When we have some time, like when we’re not being chased by stormtroopers with blasters, we really need to sort out your priorities.”

Ben laughed, “Just get going!”

Finn and Poe fled back in the direction of the ship. Ben started running again, hopefully, he would find the map before the First Order caught up with him.

On the horizon, Ben could see the remains of the village. As he approached closer he could make out a figure waiting for him amongst all the rubble.

“Fancy seeing you here again,” Ben greeted Kylo Ren.

He could sense that the map was near, he must have dropped it somewhere close by. Ben took out his lightsaber.

Kylo removed his mask, carelessly dropping it on the ground, before preparing to attack.

Ben froze, he couldn't believe his eyes.

“Wha- How?”

This was the most surreal experience of Ben’s life. Standing across from him was another version of himself, like facing his evil twin.

Without hesitation, Kylo attacked swinging his lightsaber straight down onto Ben, who was barely able to block in the last second.

Using as much strength as he could muster, Ben pushed against Kylo’s saber and rolled out from underneath him. But within that split second Kylo struck again.

Ben screamed in agony feel the searing burn as the lightsaber cut through his flesh. Everything sort of went dark after that. . . . “Solo!?”

He wanted to open his eyes, but he felt too weak.

“Ben, shit, we need to get you home,” Poe muttered.

“Mom?” Ben croaked, waking up in the infirmary.

“Ben, it’s alright,” she reassured.

Something felt off, Ben shifted on the bed but his arm, he couldn’t feel.

He sat straight up, pushing the sheets down. His pulse raced, how did this happen?

His left arm was gone. Ben stared at the stub. The last thing he remembered was the searing pain he felt as Kylo overpowered him. Ben regulated his breathing as it all started to sink in. He just lost his arm to Kylo Ren, who was a clone of himself. It all sounded so crazy.

“It’s going to be ok,” his mother gently took ahold of his right hand. “There is some good news, Poe found the map after he found you.”

“What happened to Ren?” Ben asked.

“Poe said he was already gone when they found you,” she explained.

Ben sighed, why didn’t Ren just kill him?

He looked around the room and noticed a mechanical hand laying on a table, must be his new hand.

“At least I’m keeping the family tradition alive,” he muttered to himself.

Back on Starkiller base, an unfortunate officer informed Kylo Ren that another prisoner had escaped.

No other ships had been taken, so it meant that the prisoner was hiding still somewhere on base. Kylo examined the corridors nearby where the prisoner had last been seen.

“Matt,” he whispered to himself, as he sighted the lone toolbox on the floor. Kylo didn’t waste any time and headed directly towards Matt’s living quarters.

"Where is she?" Kylo hissed.

"W-who?" Matt stuttered, trying to keep his cool.

"Don't play these games with me," Kylo said raising his voice. "I know about the girl."

"She's..." Matt's eyes darted to the door.

"Is she in there!?"

Kylo slammed Matt against the wall. Matt winced in pain, squirming as Kylo held him there by his shirt.

Hearing the commotion outside of Matt’s room you panicked, worried that he’d get injured over you.

"Please don't hurt him," you begged bursting out of the room.

The masked man's grip on Matt loosened the moment he noticed you.

“The prisoner-” He stopped speaking. His entire body tensed.

You bit your bottom lip, feeling your soulmate tattoo starting to burn again.

This didn't make any sense, you found your soulmate. So how was this happening all over again?

His hands fell to his sides.

"What is this?" he growled stepping closer to you.

“She’s our soulmate,” Matt answered him quietly.

Kylo grabbed your upper arm dragging back into Matt’s room. Matt followed.

Now that all of you were somewhere private, the man removed his helmet revealing his face which was identical to Matt’s.

He looked just like Matt, but with more intensity. The dark-haired man stared at you. His irises traced every curve of your face. With a gloved hand, he caressed your cheek.

Slowly, your fingertips met his skin tracing his jaw. He took hold your hand and nuzzled his cheek against it. Closing his eyes he savored the feeling of your touch.

“Come with me,” Kylo offered.

"Where are you taking her?" Matt asked in a worried voice.  

"To my quarters," Kylo stated, picking his helmet up, holding it in his hands.

"Why?"

"You can't honestly believe that I would let her stay here?"

"What's wrong with my room?" Matt questioned.

"It's so small... Where does she even sleep?"

"In my bed..."

Kylo narrowed his eyes, "So where do you sleep?"

Matt's face went red at the question, it's not like he's done anything inappropriate, he didn't feel ready to be intimate with you yet. But there really wasn't much space in here for him to sleep anywhere else.

"I want to stay,” you spoke up.

For a brief moment, Kylo looked hurt.

"Do you... not like me?"  He frowned, looking disgusted with himself for even asking such a question.

"No, I do! I just don't want Matty to be alone."

"But you're not concerned about me in the same way?" he countered, raising an eyebrow at you.

Kylo touched your face again, his thumb grazing your bottom lip.

"Perhaps... we can work something out," he mused. “My quarters are more comfortable, and there’s enough room for all of us.”

Matt’s head perked up, if he heard Kylo correctly then he was suggesting that the three of them should live together.

It was like some horrible nightmare, witnessing Starkiller base destroy the entire Republic. It was obvious that they would be targeting the resistance next.

In the comm room, people kept shouting and talking over one another.Everyone was in a panic over it, they needed a plan, a way to either hide or destroy the First Order’s new weapon.

Suddenly, Finn spoke up. Apparently, he knew a way to that they could destroy the entire base. Finn had Poe’s and Ben’s support which quickly earned him the support of the rest of the resistance members who were present for the meeting.

Finally, Leia gave the orders and everyone on base prepared for what very well could be their last mission.

You were laying in bed, Matt’s head resting on your tummy as you absentmindedly played with his hair. He had fallen asleep a little while ago, his breathing was low and steady.

Kylo was right, living in his quarters had been much more comfortable. The bedroom alone was three times bigger than Matt’s entire living space. In fact, the three of you sharing the space had been working out quite nicely.

The more time you spent with them, the more you realized how starved for affection both of them were. Not that you minded their constant pets and caresses and responding to them in kind.

Just as you thought you might fall asleep as well, alarms started blaring, startling you.

Matt practically jumped, waking from his nap.Sleepily, he fumbled around getting his glasses off the nightstand.

“What’s going on?” he muttered.

The doors opened and Kylo marched in, directly towards you.

“We need to leave!” he shouted the urgency evident in his voice.

“Oh alright,” Matt said, gathering a few of his things, “just let me-”

“NOW!” Kylo barked. He took your hand. You could barely keep up as Kylo led you and Matt to the docking bay.

“What’s happening?”

“The resistance is attacking the base, I need to get you to safety,” Kylo stated.

Ben watched as a Tie fighter fled the hangar. He could feel it in his very gut that Kylo was piloting that ship.

He felt his blood boil, that damn clone was running away like a coward!

There was no way Ben was going to let Kylo get away that easily. Despite the direct orders from his mother, Ben chased after the ship in his X wing.

It was time to settle this once and for all.

It didn’t take Ben long to catch up with Kylo. In a few moments, he was riding on Kylo’s tail.

Kylo maneuvered quickly taking risky turns to lose Ben. Matt had his arms wrapped around you protectively holding you against his chest.

Ben smirked to himself, Kylo was a decent pilot but was nowhere near his own skill. Now all he had to do was take a shot, it had to be just right. Ben didn’t want to kill him, well not like that.

Ben fired damaging the side of the ship. Kylo would have to act quickly in order to make a safe landing.

The ship shook violently as it was hit. Matt’s arms held you still, as Kylo made an emergency landing.

“Are you alright?”

You nodded, you were just scared.

“Stay here.” Kylo gently stroked your cheek.

He got out of the ship.

“Solo,” Kylo growled through gritted teeth.

“You honestly thought I’d let you get away?” Ben shouted. “I was surprised that you, of all people, would abandon your mission�� you’re so obsessive I was sure you’d burn with the base.”

“Really? Because isn’t that what you just did?” Kylo retorted. “Rather than concern yourself with your real objective, you pursued catching me instead.”

Ben snarled.

He hurled himself at Kylo. Soon their lightsabers clashed against each other. It was just like their previous fights. They were so evenly matched that it was hard to tell who had the upper hand.

Ben’s lightsaber grazed Kylo’s face.

“Kylo!” you screamed scrambling out of the ship and running towards him.

Ben dropped his lightsaber wincing as he felt his neck began to burn. His hand rubbed the back of his neck.

“What the hell?” he whispered to himself. Rapidly he blinked his eyes, why was his soulmate mark burning?

His mouth hung open when he saw you standing protectively by Kylo. You were beautiful.

Matt followed you out of the wreckage, he took your hand in his.

Ben stared at the three of you slack-jawed. Another clone and his soulmate?

Kylo stepped in front of you, shielding you with his body. Blood was dripping down from his face and off his chin.

"This has to be some kind of joke?" Ben mumbled. How did they find her before he did? He lowered his lightsaber.

"Come with me!" Ben demanded, offering his hand to you.

You shook your head, this didn't feel right, you shouldn't have to choose like this.

"They aren't me!" he argued. "You're supposed to be with me!"

"I don't think it's that simple..." you mumbled.

"It is.”

"I-I-”

Ben cut you off before you could even finish your thought.

"You can't possibly love them?” he questioned with disgust.

You glanced at Matt then at Kylo, before looking Ben in the eye. You did. You loved Matt it was impossible not to love him. And you knew you were falling in love with Kylo.

It was Ben who you knew nothing about. There were still the same attraction, the same invisible force that pulled you towards him, that same feeling. But Matt, Kylo, and you had already started to bond.

Another X-wing landed in the same vicinity. Matt held you close to him, while Kylo took a defensive stance.

“Ben?! What the hell were you thinking?!” Poe yelled, frustrated that he had to track Ben down.

Poe stopped talking, shutting his mouth, how in the world were there three Bens?

Finn joined Poe’s side, climbing out of the ship.

“Matt?” he questioned surprised, not expecting to see the blonde here of all places.

“FN2187?”

“It’s just Finn now,” he explained. “What is going on here?”

The group didn’t respond right away. Matt shuffled his feet looking down at the ground. Kylo lowered his lightsaber and leaned on you a bit. His injury causing him to feel unsteady.

Ben too, lowered his lightsaber. He ran his hand over his face, before turning to face his friend.

“Meet my clones and my soulmate,” he announced in an annoyed tone.

Taglist: @skellingtonbatz @sleepylunarwolf @teapocaiypse @damalseer @i-wished-upon-a-star-one-night

[angelholme]

May, Myself and I -- Year 3, Day 19 : Dreams

"You only realise you are dreaming once you have woken up"

There are a great many books, essays, studies, works and other related things about the nature of reality.

They tell us that the universe is several billion years old, that the earth is slightly fewer billion years old and that humanity is just a few million years old. That we didn't coexist with the dinosaurs, that earth was formed by lots of other rocks being sucked in by a larger rock and that the solar system was -- more or less -- formed the same way.

They also tell us that -- according to what I think is the best knowledge in the world -- the universe was created by a huge explosion at the "dawn of time" and before that we have literally no idea what happened before then. Because according to the best knowledge we have there was nothing before then -- literally nothing.

It turns out that while we understand quite a lot (well -- a lot, well -- some of) how the universe works, what we understand is based on what we have come to understand as the basic physical laws of our universe. Force is mass multiplied by acceleration, every action has an equal and opposite reaction -- that sort of thing.

So when we examine a universe that existed before this one -- such as one before the big bang -- we cannot possibly understand it, because it (most likely) doesn't conform to our physical laws, so it is beyond our comprehension.

It turns out that the human race is not good with things it doesn't understand -- with things that are different. I am pretty sure that is why we hate spiders (they are so WILDLY different from human beings that they just creep us out beyond all rational expectations), and why things like racism and homophobia, transphobia and xenoppobia are still around.

It's also why people -- even scientific people, even rational scientific people, have issues grasping the idea of life that could be entirely different from us. Life based not on carbon, but on silicon, or nitrogen, or hydrogen. Life where carbon is not the basic building block.

I think it's also why people are so reticent to believe in magic, and mythical beings, because it contradicts what we accept as the basic laws of the universe -- but magic, from a certain point of view, is just the manipulation of energy.

However that is a topic for another time, because now I am going to return to the idea of dreams and the idea that when you are dreaming you believe it to be real, and when you are awake you realise it isn't.

Because when you are dreaming you live in an entirely different world. A world where anything is possible, but a world where -- sometimes (most of the time) you are not entirely in control. A world where somethings you see things that aren't real, and a world where sometimes you do things you didn't think were possible.

A world which, from a certain point of view -- sounds like the world we live in now.

Which does, for me at least, beg the question :-

Do we live in the real world, or are we all living in a dream world? Sharing a communal dream, from which one day we will all wake up?

For all the knowledge we have about the nature of the universe, the way the world was created and the world in which we live, it is all predicated on the understanding of world as we know it.

So when people estimate the age of the earth to be four and a half billion years, that is based on the information we have on how to date the earth. (Using the age old adage -- if you have a three foot ruler and you measure a piece of wood, it will be three foot long. But if your ruler is only actually 2 foot, 11 inches then your three foot piece of wood won't be three foot long).

Before I started writing this, I was -- as is my wont sometimes -- playing Hitman. I was wandering round the virtual world of Whittleton Creek, trying to find a mad old woman who sold cookies so I could stab her in the chest. (Which I know sounds kind of mean, but someone wants her dead. And this is entirely beside the point I am trying to make).

The village of Whittleton Creek comes into existence when the mission is created, and all of the characters, memories and personalities are created -- fully formed -- when the town comes into existence. They exist as long as the mission is running, and -- providing I don't whack any of the characters along the way -- they only cease to exist when the mission ends.

But for that entire period of time, the characters -- as far as they know -- are a fully functioning community. Their world exists much like our world. They can walk, run, talk, think, eat, drink, sleep, have sex, fight, flee, blow things up and so on.

They are, for all intents and purposes, fully functional human beings. And while some would say their thought patterns are limited because they aren't capable of thinking outside their pre-programmed ideas, I would say the same applies to human beings.

There are a fair number of people who have a limited number of thoughts and will never be able to think beyond those thoughts -- and if you ask them to, they will refuse or have a melt down.

The virtual inhabitants of Whittleton Creek are -- within their own virtual world -- as real as you or me. (You or I? I remember a line from Rilla of Ingleside where she says "Me?" and it suggests she is being ungrammatical, and that always stuck with me but I could never entirely understand why)

So if two dozen citizens of a virtual world can be considered real -- when they only exist for limited periods of time -- then why is it beyond reason to ask if an entire planet of people might not be in the same situation?

Could we be virtual inhabitants of a virtual world? Living in a simulated reality, or a video game? Not one that has been running for several million years, but one that was turned on two days ago, or a week ago? One where I, or you, or that woman you drove past on the street, is the lead character and everyone else is just an NPC?

The Whittleton Creek mob don't know they exist in a virtual world, so why would we? All we know is the world we live in, and all we can discover is that world. And more to the point, we'd never be able to look beyond what we know of our world because we'd never be able to exceed our programming -- since no programmer would want us to do that.

I suppose by this point you are probably wondering do I really believe this? Well -- yes and no. I am a big believer in science, and tend not to dismiss it easily. But on the other hand I tend not to dismiss ideas out of hand just because they are utterly ridiculous.

And -- to be quite honest -- I really have very little interest in the true nature of reality. I care more about the here and now, and what we can do for each other rather than where we came from and how we got here. So making random suggestions -- that everything we see or seem is but a dream within a dream, or that we are all living in a huge video game and our goal is to reach level 2 without being destroyed -- is just my way of having fun and seeing how many other people have a sense of humour.

And also how many other people recognise Poe when they hear him quoted.