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axwalker · 3 years

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Happy Birthday, Maskaneko! A Tears in Heaven one-shot.

The beautiful edit in the moodboard was made by the talented, creative birthday girl @mskaneko 💕💕💕

Happy birthday again!!! As I said earlier, I’m so grateful to have you in my life. I hope you’ll spend an amazing day.

I love youuu ❤️❤️❤️ @mskaneko

You said you’d be happy with a peek into Drake and Lexie’s life in Tears in Heaven. So here it is. I hope you’ll enjoy it. 🎉🎉🎉

Warnings: Mention of the death of a child, grief. Language and smut.

It’s been a tough year. Lexie and I have been working hard, and between our demanding jobs and Lennie, we’re exhausted. It’s a miracle we were both able to clear our schedules for a few days to come to Corsica to Max’s and Rashad’s house for a short vacation. We need this much more than we’re able to admit. I miss my time with Lexie. I need more of her. If there is one thing I can admit to myself, it’s that. That there is nothing more fundamental, more important to my happiness, than my wife and my little girl.

A roar of laughter interrupts my thoughts. I look through the window, and I can’t help but smile at the sight down by the shore. Jaiden is chasing Lena to the edge of the ocean, and every time the water splashes up on her little legs, she squeals and runs back, her face animated with some mix of terror and delight.

A throaty laugh harmonizes with my squirt’s high-pitched giggles, and Lexie walks into view. Her dark hair is scooped up into a messy bun, and she’s all long, sun-kissed legs and rounded baby-belly in her orange bikini. It will never get old, how my heart thumps a little harder when I see her. Desperate to get to her. I leave the home office and walk barefoot and bare-chested over to the windows and sliding door. Lexie and I wasted too many years and made too many mistakes before we came together again. We both had a lot of growing up to do, a lot of pain to overcome but seeing her with our little girl and Maxwell’s boy chasing the waves, seeing her pregnant again, this good life was worth all the patience in the world. She is worth the wait. I press my palm to the cool glass and let years of memories wash over me, all the painful years spent apart. Being with my family always provides perspective. I might feel exhausted sometimes, but my heart, my life is whole. The axis of my existence it’s those two people down there playing in the ocean like they don’t have a care in the world. Seeing that lifts my burdens, too. And it reminds me that we can’t let life interfere with our lives as a family. Work can’t take so much room in our lives, is not who we are.

After turning my laptop off, I cross over to the sliding door, slipping out and not bothering with anything other than the blue shorts I’m already wearing. Lexie is laughing as Lena tries to lift Jaiden and they both collapse into the water. I walk toward them, silent until I’m close, and then run past Lexie, playfully slapping her ass. She squeaks, jumping a little, her face lighting up when she sees me.

“Where’d you come from?” She laughs. I back my way into the cool waves and wink at her as an answer before turning to scoop up both Lena and Jai, one under each arm. “Daddy!” my girl screams in her sweet voice. I keep running until the ocean stirs around my waist and dunk them both to the neck, making sure to keep their heads out of the water. Their giggles and squeaks occupy the next five minutes of what suddenly feels like a perfect day.

“Uncle Dake,” Jai says. “Put me up on your shoulders.” Lexie takes Helena so I can lift Jaiden. The heels of his little feet kick against my chest, and he squeezes my neck as we go deeper into the water.

“I can swim, Mom,” Lena says from behind us. “Put me down.”

Lena’s five, and while she still likes me to toss her around, she doesn’t tolerate it from her smaller mother all that much. I’m not crazy about it either, considering Lexie’s six months pregnant.

“It’s deeper than you think, Lennie,” Lexie says. “I don’t think it is a good idea.”

Alexis and I went back to therapy when Helena turned three. Slowly, almost without noticing it, we were turning into overprotective, smothering parents. Lexie refused to go anywhere without her, and she’d have horrible panic attacks when her work forced her to travel. Therapy certainly helped a lot, but as much as I would love to say that it was like turning on a switch, that we don’t suffocate Lena anymore, it would be a lie. We would never be those two carefree parents we were ten years ago. But we’re trying; we both want our kids to have the best possible life.

After begging a little more, Lexie gives in, and sure enough, in seconds, Lennie is swimming past me, her skinny arms and legs slicing through the waves, her hair in two small braids.

“Baby, that’s fair enough,” I call out. The ocean isn’t turbulent today, but I don’t want to take any chances. It can change fast. Calm one second and treacherous the next. Lena turns, doggy paddling to stay afloat, her cute face wet and frowning.

“But, Daddy—”

“Do I repeat myself, Lena?” She frowns the brown eyes so like Lexie’s widening. She shakes her head.

“No, sir.”

“Then that’s far enough.” I gentle my words with a smile, take the few steps separating us and tap her head with Jaiden’s foot. She giggles and swims a circle around me, disappearing for a second underwater and then popping back up, laughing again.

“I need to learn that trick,” Lexie says wryly. “I tried last week, asked her if I repeat myself, and she just stared at me and said, ‘What’d you say, Mommy?’”

I can’t help it, I laugh, and Lexie glares at me.

“You know she loves pressing your buttons. Every time she finds a new one, she just has to push.”

“Looking forward to her teenage years.” I pull her close, anchoring Jaiden by one leg and looping an arm around her, cupping her stomach.

“If she’s as sassy as you, baby. I’m not looking forward to them either.” Lexie leans her head on my shoulder, covering my hand with hers on her stomach. There’s a subtle movement beneath my fingers.

“Lexie,” I breathe. “Did you feel that? They’re moving.” Of course, she felt it. It’s her body, but she just laughs. It’s not the first time the twins have moved, but I always seem to miss it, so it’s the first time I’ve felt the life growing inside Lexie for myself.

“One of them is moving.” She guides my hand to the other side of her stomach. “This guy has been quiet all day.”

“Guy?” I raise one questioning brow. “I thought we agreed we wouldn’t find out. You got some divination powers I know nothing about?”

She shrugs. “I just have a feeling they’re both guys. God save me. Lennie and I will be outnumbered.”

I chuckle “You hear that, Lennie? Your mom says we’re getting two boys. What do you think?”

“I want sisters! Boys are yucky.” Jaiden jumps to the water, and they start a water war.

“You heard the girl,” I tell Lexie. “Boys are yucky. I sure hope she’ll think like that for a long time.”

Lexie laughs. “I honestly don’t care.” She grimaces and rubs the small of her back. “I’m so big this time, I just want them out . I’ve already gained as much weight as I had by the end with Lena. I’m huge.”

I lean over to whisper in her ear. “You’re sexy as hell, Lexie. Always.”

She turns her head so our mouths are mere inches apart, our lips separated by a single breath. “You think so, huh?”

“I’ll show you tonight,” I whisper over her mouth.

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” Jaiden chants. We glance down at our godson, and both laugh.

“You kiss all the time,” Lena mutters from a few feet away. She’s not wrong, but in my defense, her mother is irresistible.

“Lena, we need to get back inside,” Lexie says. “We’ve been in the water all day, and you need your lunch. I bet Max made the grill sandwiches you love so much. After lunch, we can get ice cream from Amorino.”

“A few more minutes, Mommy, please? So, Daddy can swim with me?” Lena asks, lips pouty and huge eyes pleading. If she figures out, she has me wrapped around her little finger, we’re doomed. Who am I kidding? The girl was born knowing. “You think you can keep up with me? Okay squirt. Let’s go.”

After a while, we get out of the water and join the others for lunch in the terrace. Lena claps and rocks her shoulders, some little move she and Jaiden made up. The two are thick as thieves. Jaiden’s at our house as much as Lena is at Rash and Maxwell’s.

“What’s that you’re drawing, Lennie?” Liv asks. She might not like kids, but she sure is crazy about her goddaughter.

“It’s us!” Lena grins.

“Let me see.” I reach for the paper. Lexie walks up beside me and looks down at the drawing in my hand. It’s a man-stick figure with which I assume is a stethoscope around his neck, obviously me. A shorter woman-stick she’s colored caramel and who has brown lines drawn around her shoulders for hair. Jaiden made Lexie’s stomach a circle and there’s two orange round things inside.

“Grapefruit,” Lennie says. “Mommy said the babies are like grapefruits now.”

“Ahhhh.” Lexie purses her lips against a smile. “You got them perfectly, baby.”

In her drawing, she is standing between Lexie and me, holding our hands. I tilt my head, staring at what Lena’s holding in the drawing. A white bird?

“What’s that white thing your holding, squirt?”

“It’s Tom!” She says, her smile wide and proud. “He’s an angel, like mommy said.” Tom’s name, said so unexpectedly, causes the adults on the terrace to hold their breaths collectively. Lexie goes perfectly still beside me, and her hand goes instinctively to her stomach. That old fear lives in the back of both our minds. As much as losing Tom still hurts, we talk openly about him to our daughter, making sure she knows she has a big brother looking out for her all the time, even though she never met him.

“You can have it, Mommy,” Lena offers, her beautiful smile slipping, his childish intuition sharp enough to pick up on the shift of mood in the terrace. “I-I drew it for you, so we can put it in the twins’ nursery.”

“It’s so good, Lennie. That’s a great idea,” I say, glancing at Lexie, who stares down at the paper. Even though she isn’t crying, her eyes have that look of shattered glass she sometimes gets when she thinks of Tom. Unfortunately, therapy doesn’t eradicate pain. Not for the first time, I wish I could carry it for her, but I can’t.

“This is your most beautiful drawing yet, Lennie,” Lexie says after clearing her voice, reaching down to caress the angel on it. “I love it very, very much. It will look perfect in their room.” She bends to kiss her hair, closes her eyes tightly and then cups Helena’s little head and kisses her forehead, too. She clears her throat and pulls back to spread an overbright smile and says, “Who’s ready for ice cream?”

ALEXIS

Accident. That’s how everybody described what happened to my baby boy. An accident. It does hurt less than it used to. At first, I couldn’t think about Tom without aching and falling into a black hole. Five horrible years, where I needed to numb myself or ignore my pain to keep breathing. An empty shell that had trouble breathing. I would cringe at the sound of Tom’s name, incapable of pronouncing it myself. Not because I didn’t want to hear it, but because I wanted to hold him so badly. It’s been years, but my body perfectly recalls the sweet little weight of him in my arms. His scent still fills my nostrils if I draw a deep enough breath. I remember the dark tangle of curls brushing against my cheek. His little voice calling me mommy. Some days my head and thoughts are locked in a room with those last memories, and I don’t want to leave because he’s still there. As difficult as that day was, in that memory, he’s still there. But life goes on. It has moved on, and I’m a baby two and three. I’m years into a marriage full of love I spent five years thinking wasn’t even possible.

“You okay?” I glance up from the table, from Lenna’s drawing, which I’ve found myself thinking about all day, to see Liv, wearing concern on her intense green eyes. The terrace is clear of dishes from tonight’s meal, and everyone’s gone to their respective corners. It’s just Livvie and me.

“I’m fine.” The concern on her face stays. “I swear; I’m fine,” I say. “Just thinking. Remembering.”

“Anything you want to talk about?” Her voice is unusually soft. Her gaze, as usual, is knowing.

“I’m all talked out. A lifetime of expensive therapy will do that to a girl. I guess I’m feeling more than thinking, but I’m good.”

“Okay. I’m here if you need me.”

“I know Liv. I don’t know how I would have done otherwise.”

“I think I will go join Maxwell for a nightcap”

“Now you’re talking.” I sigh and stand from the table, squeeze her hand. “I’m going to turn in. Take a quick bath since Drake is putting Lena to bed.”

“Alright. I’ll see you in the morning.” She gives me a wry grin. “I may even cook breakfast.”

I deadpan, and Liv chuckles. “Did I say cook? I meant order.”

I laugh. “That’s more like it. Good night, Liv,” I say, grabbing Lena’s drawing.

After just a few minutes in the bathtub, I dry off and belt a terry cloth robe over my nakedness, smiling when both babies move. “Hello, boys.” I don’t care what Drake says, I know what I feel. “I’d love for Daddy to feel both of you move. Can we make a deal that you’ll let him feel you both at some point?”

“Daddy would love that, too,” Drake says from the doorway. Leaning one shoulder into the door and wearing a white shirt, sleeves-rolled-up, he looks so attractive, my husband. His face grows more handsome the older he gets. He has that strong virility that somehow converts years into sexual magnetism. I walk over and reach up to caress his jaw, shadowed with stubble.

“You have a little gray in your beard, Mr. Walker.” I close the space between us and tip my toes to kiss him.

He grunts, closing his eyes and leaning into me, his hardness pressing into my belly. I want him so badly. The restlessness I’ve felt most of the day needs an outlet, and I know the best, most pleasurable way to get it.

“Lie down,” he says, leading me to the bed. My hand goes to the belt of my robe, but he stops me. “I want to unwrap you myself,” he says.

I lie on my back, and he hovers over me, connecting our eyes. I see desire there, yes, but concern, too.

“Drake, I’m okay,” I tell him, grabbing his hand and kissing it.

“You sure?” His dark brows form a frown. “The drawing—”

“It took me off guard.” I pull his hand into the neck of my robe, passing his palm over my nipple until it buds beneath his fingers. “But now I want you.”

He hesitates, searching my face and eyes before nodding. Our eyes meet, and beneath the desire filling his stare, a question lingers.

“Drake.” I place his hand on my stomach. “I’m fine.”

He bends to kiss my stomach, the underside of my breast. That restlessness needs attention, try to disturb my desire, but before I can allow myself to be distracted, the lights in the bedroom dim and my husband’s hands are on me. Drake opens the robe as if it’s a gift.

“Fuck baby, you’re so gorgeous.”

He lies down to spoon me, brushes my hair aside, and kisses my nape.

“You okay?” he asks. I know Drake well enough to hear the restraint he’s exercising. The restlessness caught him too, and in days like this, he needs wild, unbridled fucking, but he doesn’t want to hurt the twins or me. As many times as I reassure him, it’s hard for him to believe it’s okay to be as rough with me as we love sometimes.

“Drake, please, fuck me hard. I need it as much as you do.”

“Lexie,” he rasps, dropping his forehead against my hair. “Don’t ask. . .I can’t. . .the way I feel right now . . . I wish you knew what you do to me.”

“Show me.”

And he does; he takes me hard and rough. He fucks me into oblivion, until there’s nothing else but him and me. I’ve needed this desperately, craved the feeling that comes when we make love, when we’re like this, when we have this together, when he’s inside me.

“Fuck, Lex,” he growls. “I love you.”

Tears fill my eyes. The tears I wouldn’t allow myself earlier because Tom was years ago and I should be over it. I could hide that from myself, but I can’t hide anything from him. The tears run down my face, and they aren’t all grief or sorrow. They’re tears of gratitude for my little squirt sleeping down the hall. Tears of hope for the twins growing inside of me. Tears of happiness for the love of a man like Drake.

“God, Drake,” I sob. “I love you, I love you.”

Hours later, we lay together side to side, exhausted. All my restlessness gone, forgotten.

“Wow,” he says.

“Wow, I repeat. You have a magical dick.”

We both laugh at that, and he tickles me, making me wriggle in his arms. Suddenly, we both go still, feeling the movement in my belly at the same time. Like tiny synchronized swimmers, one of my boys moves on my left and the other on the right.

“Shit.” Drake’s gaze meets mine. “Both of them are moving. That’s. . .that’s amazing, Lex.”

“It is. I wanted you to feel that so badly. I feel them do that all the time, but I wanted . . . I’m so happy . . .” I stop, emotionally exhausted.

“Our life,” I say suddenly, toying with the hair on his chest.

“What about it?” he asks, kissing the top of my head.

I reach up to touch the flecks of gray in his stubble. “I’m so glad we met when we were young. That we will grow old together. That I’ll have a life with you. Despite all the years we spent apart. We lost so much, but now we have this life, our marriage, our kids.”

He tenderly rubs my belly. “These kids, all worth the wait. And no matter what comes, we’ll face it together.” I turn around, he pulls me tightly against his chest, and we fall asleep together.

#axwalker writes #tw mention of grief #tw mention death child #n*sfw

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redladydeath · 3 years

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jhgfdfghjkhgf i was going to just post this in the video’s comment section but for some reason that’s not working so here’re act one of the william and mary play:

Mary: Look, you’re my best friend, okay? And, um, best friends tell each other everything, right? Oh my god. Excuse me. Oh, Maria Regina, it was awful! He was awful, William, my Dutch cousin, or as father likes to call him “the Dutch Dog” *laughs*… I had the honor of being forced to dine with the extended family. My little Dutch cousin William– and was he rude! Oh my god. He spent the entire meal either staring at me or grimacing at the food. No manners. And he’s old too, like, at least thirty, not that you’d know by looking at him, he’s very short, but old enough to know better, and all that I could hear the entire time was his breathing– no, no, no– wheezing, with his tiny little child-sized mouth. *imitates wheezing* [indecipherable] –cause he had [indecipherable] big monster of a nose to use, but I guess that was out of commission. And King Charles II– God save him– and all twelve of his spaniels, seated at the table, eating off of the plates– how am I related to these people?

Anne: Mary!

Mary: Shh! Shh! My sister! We’re fighting! Oh god. Uncle Charles– God save him– William... ew. I’ve never fit in with this entire family and now I find out that my sister’s been ta… my sister– No, no I will not stand here and idly gossip. My sister– no. Sh– no. Sh– no. Sh– nope! Betty!

Betty: Yes, your ladyship?

Mary: Um, take Maria Regina will you?

Betty: Yes, your ladyship. Anne has been screaming for you, your ladyship.

Mary: Yes, tell her I’m dead.

Betty: Yes, your ladyship.

Mary: No, don’t, that’ll get her hopes up. Tell her that I’m resting– exhausted from a fascinating dinner with our exotic Dutch cousin.

Betty: Yes, your ladyship.

Mary: And I can trust you all? Oh, um, and would you bring me an ink, pen, and paper?

Betty: Yes, your ladyship.

Mary: How’s this? Dearest, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear... girlfriend– no, no, no... lover– no, too saucy– um... husband? Yeah… it’s a woman, but we’re gonna call her a husband. Don’t get confused! Um, dearest husband, after my prayers to all-mighty God, I’ve come to make peace with you, for it is a strange thing for a man and a wife to quarrel. What more can I say to prove that I love with more zeal than any lover can? You are loved with a love never known by man–

Anne: Mary!

Mary: You are loved more than can be expressed–

Anne: Mary!

Mary: By your ever-obedient–

Anne: Mary!

Mary: SHUT UP!! –wife. But to my great sorrow, I find out that you’ve been corresponding with *whispered* my sister!

Anne: Mary!

Mary: Shut up! Oh, to be your humble servant! To kiss the ground where you go–

Anne: What are you doing?!

Mary: Shut up! Oh, to be your dog on a string, your fish in a net, your limber trout–

Anne: She writes me too, you know!

Mary: No, she doesn’t!

Anne: Yes, she does!

Mary: Shut up! [indecipherable] If my letter has made the effect, dear “husband”, on your hard ear, I may without scruple call you my dearest, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear husband.

Anne: She is not your husband and your letter to her are weird. Also, she sends me letters and calls me her husband and loves me more than she loves you and you’re a lesbian!

Mary: That word doesn’t even exist yet, Anne!

Anne: Lesbian!

Mary: Keep your voice down!

Anne: She writes me more letters.

Mary: Our love is forbidden.

Anne: Get over yourself!

Mary: She knows unlike you I’ll be queen!

Anne: Whatever. I don’t care. I don’t even want to be queen.

Mary: Oh, good, cause you never will be.

Anne: Of course I will! When your head gets so damned big from all the bullshit praise, even your ugly, masculine, lesbian neck won’t be able to support its weight. Snap! And your head will fall off, like our poor headless grandpa Charles–

Mary and Anne: God save him!

Mary: To imagine the death of a monarch is treason, I could look you in the Tower.

Anne: You couldn’t!

Mary: When I’m queen.

Anne: You wouldn’t!

Mary: I could!

Anne: Nu-uh!

Mary: Uh-huh!

Anne: You wouldn’t be the first queen to do that to a little sister.

Mary: Well, you came in here and started it.

Anne: I know. I have something to tell you.

Mary: You could’ve waited!

Anne: I have a memory. About mummy.

Mary: Did you? Really? Would you tell me?

Anne: When we knew she wouldn’t make it much longer, she asked me to come to her bedside. She had just got her blood let, so she was speaking very openly.

Mary: It’s okay, Anne!

Anne: She asked me “Do you know why I named your older sister Mary but named you after me?”

Mary: Why?

Anne: Mummy said… “Because prefer you to that bitch older sister!”

Mary: Leave!

Anne: Mom liked me more!

Mary: I was named after a queen!

Anne: Yeah, Bloody Mary! “Oh, look at me! I’m named after a fat, bloated Tudor Catholic!”

Mary and Anne: *spit*

Mary: Leave!

Anne: I just came in here to ask how dinner went.

Mary: It was lovely. Leave!

Anne: Was it? I bet it was boring.

Mary: Only for a child but when you’re fifteen years old you appreciate stimulating conversation!

Anne: [indecipherable]

Mary: Good!

Anne: Was he… stimulating?

Mary: Ew! I mean… yes.

Anne: What was he like?

Mary: Tall, dark, handsome.

Anne: Really? Tall, dark, and handsome?

Mary: Mmyeah.

Anne: I’m jealous.

Mary: You should be.

Anne: Did he stare at you?

Mary: What? No.

Anne: I guess he wouldn’t. Not after what I have heard.

Mary: Oh, I don’t even want to hear your idle gossip– what did you hear?

Anne: Oh, it’s just that father told me that Uncle Charles–

Mary and Anne: God save him!

Anne: –Tried to marry you off to him.

Mary: What?

Anne: For some Dutch alliance.

Mary: What?

Anne: Yeah. He turned you down though.

Mary: He turned me down?

Anne: Three times.

Mary: What?

Anne: And here I was going to come in and make fun of you! I thought William was a tiny little goblin man. That would’ve been so embarrassing!

Mary: Right…

Anne: If you were turned down by an ugly little goblin man.

Mary: Right…

Anne: Three times!

Mary: Leave!

Anne: Why?

Mary: Leave!

Anne: I thought he was stimulating!

Mary: I want to be alone!

Anne: Mary the Martyr, you’re so weird! Maybe you’ll actually fit in if you didn’t lock yourself in your room all the time writing creepy letters. Some queen you’ll be! You’re friends with a fish!

Mary: Well, I will be queen whether I want to or not!

Anne: Mary the Martyr, you’re engaged to Louis the fucking XIV, what right do you have to be mad at me?

Mary: ...Have you seen the latest portrait of Louis?

Anne: Yeah!

Mary and Anne: *squee*

Anne: He’s fucking gorgeous! Even for a Catholic!

Mary and Anne: *spit*

Anne: Milky skin, so fucking rich! Full deep eyes, tight little French ass…

Mary: Anne! God is listening!

Anne: [indecipherable] I’m just appreciating the work! Those portraits are rarely accurate though. You saw the portrait of Uncle Charles–

Mary and Anne: God save him!

Anne: –He looked like a Roman god dipped in oil.

Mary: What?

Anne: He glistened Mary! Like a buttered up Roman statue! In reality, he looks more like butter. Well… butter with syphilis.

Mary: Oh my god, you can be quite cruel Anne.

Anne: I’m destined to marry one of our fat, inbred cousins, so I’m allowed to be.

Mary: Sorry.

Anne: Yeah, it’s whatever. Well, I’m going! Unlike you I actually have friends to hang out with.

Mary: Oh, bad company ruins good morals.

Anne: Fuck you! See you at dinner.

Mary: That’s why that little Dutch dwarf was staring at me. Oh my God, could you imagine that tiny, wheezing little man crawling into your bed every night– oh my god, it’s an offensive thought! But the most offensive part? He said no! He said no to me! Oh my God, the man is a slug! William of Orange– blegh! And Uncle Charles– God save him– tried to make me marry that, not that I would’ve! No! I would’ve told him off, right to his face. I’m not afraid of him! I will not be made a sacrificial lamb. I would’ve told him off to his face! Right to his tiny, regal, little mustache: “No, Uncle! You may be king, but I will not marry that creature! Put me in chains; lock me in the Tower; feed me to the ghost of Cromwell; I absolutely refuse to marry that creature!” I would’ve told him off. I will not be made a sacrificial lamb!

*fanfare*

Mary: Oh, Jesus Christ.

Betty: Your uncle, King Charles II– God save him– is here your ladyship.

Mary: Okay, send him in.

Betty: Yes, your ladyship.

*dogs yapping*

Charles: Quiet, quiet, quiet! [indecipherable] Good doggy-woggys! Now, niece!

Mary: Oh, Uncle, God save you–

Charles: Rise dear! You’re one of the few girls at court I’d rather not see on her knees.

Mary: Oh– ew.

Charles: Oyster?

Groom of the Stool: Yes, your majesty! *grunting*

Charles: I’ve just come from your mother and father’s apartments.

Mary: She’s not my mother.

Charles: Charming lady, your new mummy. She’s got those bovine hips, so I assume she’ll be plopping out heirs as soon as James’ dousing rod directs her away from foreign [indecipherable].

Mary: Oh my God.

Charles: Oyster?

Groom of the Stool: Yes, your majesty! *grunting*

Charles: If God is good– and we know he is– she’ll give birth to a few boys before she’s spent. Women are quite fragile, as you know Mary. It’s especially hard with our good Stuart stock and– Oh, Dicky, no, no hump, no hump, daddy has a [indecipherable]. Might we can hope for a few younger brothers– you’d like that, wouldn’t you Mary?

Mary: Oh, yes, dear uncle. How I love being an older sister to our dear, simple Anne and how I’d revel in the opportunity to be an older sister again.

Charles: Oyster?

Groom of the Stool: Yes, your majesty! *grunting*

Charles: [indecipherable] England [indecipherable] worry that another woman would take the throne.

Mary: Yes, poor England.

Charles: Yes.

Mary: Ah, ah, ah, ah!

Charles: Dicky! If that heifer can squeeze out just one little boy, England is saved! Oh, Mary, you see it’s not that women shouldn’t be involved in politics, it’s that they can’t. Their brains aren’t built for it! I don’t even know if you can comprehend what I’m saying to you right now!

Mary: I’m lost.

Charles: Yes, I assumed so. Oyster?

Groom of the Stool: Yes, your majesty! *grunting*

Charles: *chocking, spits* [indecipherable] Go on, up! [indecipherable] Now, where were we? Yes– women are not fit to rule.

Mary: Sorry, once more.

Charles: I am king.

Mary: You are king.

Charles: I am a great king.

Mary: You are a great king.

Charles: Women… cannot be kings.

Mary: No, they’re queens.

Charles: …Very good Mary! I’m very proud. That’s a real thought you just had!

Mary: I’m lost again.

Charles: So, if I am king and women…?

Mary: Can’t be kings.

Charles: Then women…?

Mary: Can’t be great kings?

Charles: Exactly! I am very impressed with your understanding of Restoration politics. As king, I’ve found it requires tremendous subtlety. OW! Dicky, get off! Dicky, don’t let–! God, you bastard! Bite that hand that feeds you, ey? Groom of the Stool!

Groom of the Stool: Yes, your majesty?

Charles: Lock him in the Tower!

Groom of the Stool: Yes, your majesty.

Charles: You made a big mistake, Dicky! No [indecipherable] bites a sovereign.

Groom of the Stool: Yes, your majesty!

Charles: Now, let us break our conversation into greater areas regarding your sex.

Mary: Ah, like needle crappy gossip.

Charles: And… boys.

Mary: Ah, yes, boys.

Charles: And… marriage.

Mary: Ah, yes, my purpose in life.

Charles: You a beautiful Stuart girl– Protestant– a large Protestant wedding to a regal, Protestant husband.

Mary: No, ha, Louis’ Catholic.

Charles: Louis? Yes, he’s Catholic.

Mary: Right, but you just said–

Charles: You, a beautiful Stuart girl–

Mary: Oh no!

Charles: A large Protestant wedding–

Mary: Oh, god!

Charles: To a regal–

Mary: No!

Charles: Protestant...

Mary: Please!

Charles: Did you enjoy dinner last night? You [indecipherable] to impressed your cousin.

Mary: No.

Charles: William! Were you taken by him, Mary?

Mary: *bahing*

Charles: He was very taken by you.

Mary: *bahing*

Charles: Your first cousin, so you’ll have a lot in common!

Mary: *bahing*

Charles: My dead sister’s boy! She was a real bitch.

Mary: *bahing*

Charles: And you’ll have the line of succession, so you won’t have to worry about being queen, Mary. William can handle it. Sorry he’s such a cold, ugly bastard.

Mary: *spluttering*

Charles: Your Catholic father *spits* is pissed. Not surprising, but I ordered him to shut the fuck up about it. The wedding is next week. La~!

Mary: Wait! Anne!

Charles: Oh, you’re too thoughtful, dear girl! Anne will be fine on her own.

Mary: No, no, no, marry Anne off to William!

Charles: Certainly not! You’re next in line after your idiot father. We’ll marry Anne off to one of the fat, inbred cousins.

Mary: But I learned French!

Charles: And now you’ll get to learn Dutch! It’s not a beautiful language, but it matches the people. The king exits!

Mary: *sobbing*

*church music / exert of “Aria” by Marco Rosano*

Priest: Gathered! His Royal Highness Charles II!

Ensemble: GOD SAVE HIM!

Priest: The bride’s father James (the eventual second)– what? Your father refused to attend!

Mary: *sobbing*

Priest: We are gathered today in the eyes of our Protestant God to witness the eternal joining of two people, and more importantly, two nations. Our beloved England and our at-least-for-the-time-being-not-enemy Holland.

*fanfare*

Priest: The Dutch Stand Stadtholder! ...William? ...The Prince of Orange!

William: *violent coughing*

Priest: William? You good?

William: Ja.

Priest: Do you need a minute?

William: [indecipherable]

Priest: Okay! So… the, uh… the Dutch Stadtholder! The Prince of Orang– William?

William: *violent coughing* [indecipherable]

Priest: We are gathered– we are– we’re gathered– we are gathered– gathered– and we are gathered–

William: [Dutch word]

Priest: Pardon?

William: [Dutch word]

Priest: Sorry, I–

William: [Dutch word], stepping [Dutch word].

Priest: Oh, yes. *groaning* NOW! We are gathered for the joining of two people, two nations, and one [indecipherable] faith. Do you, Mary, take a solemn vow to obey and honor William until you’re parted by death? Okay, good. Do you, William, take a solemn vow to take Mary as your bride and treat her with whatever respect you happen to feel like showing her? Alright, whoo! You’re all good in here. You may kiss the bride.

William: *violent coughing*

*retro dance music* / exert of “Oh! Oh! I'm Goin' Home” by The Peppers

Mary: Wow. Midnight. Where did the time go?

William: Time for bed.

Mary: Right. Yup. Time for bed. It’s late and… it’s late and… it’s late and… it’s time for bed and there’s the bed, it’s time for bed and… we’re married now.

Charles: Now, nephew! To your purpose! God save Saint George and England! *giggling*

Mary: Right, historically, um, all of that actually happened. Well– oh, sorry, I was talking to someone else. Well, I guess it’s late, right? It’s late and it’s, um, time to go do– time to do– time to go do do do do do do do do doing of it. Ah! Wow. A ring… Is it for me? …Should I take it? …I’ll take it. Wow… a ruby… yes, ruby– rubies are very– rubies are red! Red. Rubies are… pink actually, now that I look at it. Funny, they’re really much more pink. Everyone always says “ruby red” but they’re much more pink when you look at it, oh look at that, it’s–

William: My mother’s.

Mary: Your mother’s? Wow. Beautiful. Ring. That was your mother’s. Ring, ruby, ring, ruby, ring–

William: She’s dead.

Mary: What? Oh, I’m sorry. About that– that she’s dead. What happened? Sorry! No, none of my business. Poor Mum! Um, my mom is dead. Died when I was a child so… I know what it’s like. To have a dead mum. *awkward laughter*

William: You don’t have to smile for me. You don’t have to pretend.

Mary: Dearest dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear husband– this is the woman again, um... You’ll find a pair of horns on your front door for… it appears I’ve taken another husband. Hm…

*whistle*

Anne: I brought you a going-away present. It’s another goldfish.

Mary: Thank you, sister.

Anne: I knew you already that one, so you’d like it. I hope they don’t eat each other. Do goldfish eat each other? Is it a long trip to Holland?

Mary: I don’t know!

Anne: You seem glum. Story time! When Aunt Catherine–

Mary and Anne: God save her!

Anne: Married Uncle Charlie–

Mary and Anne: God save him!

Anne: She had to leave Portugal in order to marry him. She hadn’t even met him yet, so I guess it could be worse.

Mary: Yes, but she came to England, I’m leaving it!

Anne: Yeah, fair. Just trying to help.

Mary: I don’t need your help, dear sister, this is my cross to bear.

Anne: Saint Mary the Martyr of English diplomacy! If only you were Catholic.

Mary and Anne: *spit*

*whistle*

Mary: I’ve never left London, that’s what scares me the most. God be with thee, sister. God be with thee, England.

William: …Two.

Mary: Oh. Yes, Anne got me one as a going-away pr– okay.

Anne: I hate him.

Mary: Well, he’s your brother now.

Anne: Please, I hated him when he was my cousin. I think you should be the first Protestant saint just for sleeping with him. I can’t even imagine!

Mary: …Neither can I.

Anne: WHAT?! TELL ME EVERYTHING!!

Mary: Well, considering we haven’t, that’s everything to tell!

Anne: Oh my God! You’ve been married a week!

Mary: This stays between you and me, Anne!

Anne: Oh, but Mary, I have to tell my friends!

Mary: I don’t like your friends!

Anne: Fuck you! The court would die if they knew!

Mary: No!

Anne: But Mary, you can’t tell something this juicy and force me to hold it inside!

Mary: Shh!

Anne: But it’s not you Mary, it’s him. That puny prig.

Mary: No.

Anne: But you don’t even like him!

Mary: What wife likes her husband?

Anne: He’s so gross and I used to think you were gross, but he’s like, super gross. Oh thank God you’re not screwing! Your kids would be so gro– I didn’t realize Papa hadn’t told you the truth about him!

Mary: Oh, what did father say?

Anne: He buggers boys. Said he buggers boys. Said if he takes the throne, England gets two queens.

Mary: …I’ll have nothing to do with silly, irreverent myths, Anne… And tell my other husband I’ll send her the new address.

Anne: Gross! [indecipherable] each other!

*Dutch folk music* / exert of “Klompe Dans” by Camerata Trajectina

Citizen: Welkom in Nederland!

Mary: Oh, yes, thank you.

Citizen: Welkom in Nederland!

Mary: Ah, yes, thank you.

Citizen: Welkom in Nederland!

Mary: Thank you.

*fanfare*

Mary: Oh, good day William!

Citizens: Welkom in Nederland!

Mary: Life in Holland. It’s beautiful. It’s very, very clean.

Citizen: Welkom in Nederland!

Betty: Your ladyship?

Citizens: Welkom in Nederland!

Mary: Thank you! Please keep talking, Betty.

Betty: Your ladyship–

Citizens: Welkom in Nederland!

Mary: Anything in English– thank you!

Betty: *whispers*

Mary: Dank u.

Citizens: Ooo!

*fanfare*

Betty: Supper time!

Mary: I’m not hungry.

Betty: Not you, your ladyship.

Citizen: Welkom in Nederland…

Mary: …Dank u.

Citizens: Ooo!

Mary: I must grin when my heart is fit to break, I must speak when my heart is so oppressed I can scarcely breathe.

Betty: Oh, that’s real pretty. The Bastard, your ladyship.

Mary: The Bastard?

Betty: Your half-cousin, King Charles II– God Save Him–’s bastard son, your ladyship.

Mary: Here?

Betty: Uh-huh.

Mary: Whoo!

Monmouth: Cousin!

William: Let me not interrupt your reunion. Continue this.

Mary: How’s home?

Monmouth: England is good! The family not so much. My father, Charles II–

Mary and Monmouth: God save him!

Monmouth: –seems ill. Parliament hates your father, James (the eventual second) since he’s decided to be Catholic–

Mary and Monmouth: *spit*

Monmouth: –since we just had nine years of civil war, ugh! People would rather avoid any foreseeable royalist drama, so Parliament wrote the Exclusion Act to keep your father off the throne.

Mary: Oh no!

Monmouth: No! Charles II–

Mary and Monmouth: God save him!

Monmouth: –refused to sign it.

Mary: Oh, good.

Monmouth: No! That’s why [indecipherable] is shit! Charles II–

Mary and Monmouth: God save him!

Monmouth: –dissolved Parliament, hoping to form a more moderate one.

Mary: Oh, good!

Monmouth: No! Bad! A group of Protestants then tried to blow up my papa Charlie–

Mary and Monmouth: God save him!

Monmouth: –on his way back from a race to [indecipherable]!

Mary: Oh no!

Monmouth: Oh yes!

Monmouth: –[indecipherable] watching the race, ALL OF NEWMARKET CAUGHT ON FIRE!!

Mary: Oh no!

Monmouth: No, that’s good! Charles’– God save him– house in Newmarket was destroyed, so they had to leave the race early, thus foiling the plot to kill him!

Mary: Oh, God is very generous to our family. And how’s Anne?

Monmouth: Married.

Mary: Oh, to one of the inbred cousins?

Monmouth: We’re royal! Inbred cousins are the only dignified option! How’s life in the Dutch court?

Mary: Um… clean, it’s very, very clean.

Monmouth: Ah, thank God you have William.

Mary: *hysterical laughter* ...Yes. No, I do see William from time to time. He likes to walk from stage left to stage right to stage right to stage left.

Monmouth: Incredibly generous man– looking forward to our dinner tonight! He invited me to hunt tomorrow and all the rest of next week! Very charming!

Mary: You’ve only been onstage for a minute and a half!

Betty: There are more officials for you to meet, your ladyship.

Monmouth: See you around, cuz. Ch-cha! …Ch-cha!

Citizen: Welkom in Nederland!

Mary: Dank u.

Citizens: Ooo!

William: …Welkom in Nederland! *laughter, interrupted by violent coughing*

*fanfare*

Citizen: Welkom in Nederland!

Betty: Alright! Her ladyship has another engagement she must prepare for, so sorry!

Mary: Ugh, what’s next Betty?

Betty: Nothing, your ladyship. I just think you’ve been gawked at enough today.

Mary: Oh, thank you Betty!

Betty: What’s a lady-in-waiting for?

Mary: But I’m afraid William might be cross once he finds out I didn’t finish all the state greetings. I guess I’d actually have to spend time with him for him to be cross with me.

Betty: He’s not one to get cross about things; he’s quite charming actually if you get past the hermetic silence.

Mary: I suppose he prefers the company of *whispered* his men?

*fanfare*

William and Monmouth: *laughing*

William: *starts coughing violently*

Monmouth: I love this guy!

*fanfare*

Betty: You’ve heard that already, have you?

Mary: Is it true?

Betty: Rumors, your ladyship. I also heard rumors of a girl who wrote letters to a woman she called her husband. And I now know a woman who still writes these letters!

Mary: Dismissed!

Betty: Your ladyship.

Mary: Wait. Put the children to bed, will you? Wait– wait, wait wait– just [indecipherable]. Don’t judge me! Dearest, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear– stop!– husband… Let me start again: Dearest, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear husband: You’ve not responded to any of my letter as of late!

Anne: Dearest sister!

Mary: Oh good God, Anne! Still able to interrupt me from across the English Chanel!

Anne: It is with good nice that I write. Since we last spoke… I’m pregnant!

Mary and Anne: *squeeing*

Anne: I know! I know! I fucking know! Ah, someone has to produce some heirs in this family!

Mary: Hey…

Anne: What have you been up to? Oh! My friends are here! Thank you, sis!

Mary: Anne is pregnant. My younger sister is pregnant …I’m jealous! Ugh!

*fanfare*

William and Monmouth: To hunt!

Monmouth: ♪ I’ll sing you eight, O! ♪

William and Monmouth: ♪ Green grow the rushes, O! ♪

William: ♪ What are your eight, O? ♪

Monmouth: ♪ Eight for the April Rainers! ♪

William: ♪ Seven for the seven stars in the sky! ♪

William and Monmouth: ♪ Six for the six proud walkers! ♪ Five for the symbols at your door! ♪ Four for the Gospel makers! ♪ THREE, THREE THE RIVALS! ♪ Two, two the lily-white boys! ♪ Clothed all in green, O! ♪ One is one and all alone! ♪ And evermore shall be so! ♪

*fanfare*

Mary: Betty!

Betty: *imitating the song*

Mary: Stop!

Betty: Oh! Yes, your ladyship.

Mary: My cousin, the Bastard, and Prince William have been spending an awful lot of time together!

Betty: William loves the hunt.

Mary: How do you know?!

Betty: He told me!

Mary: You’ve spoken with him? Am I the only person in the entire world who’s not had a single conversation with my husband?!

Betty: You just need to catch him in the right mood.

*fanfare*

Mary: Dearest, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear– Oh my God, you’re pathetic! Two husbands and neither one replies!

Anne: Okay, so I wasn’t pregnant. Well, I was, but I’m not anymore.

Mary: Oh… Anne I’m so sorry!

Anne: I know. But I will be again. Maybe tonight! God be with me!

Mary: I don’t have to be Mary the Martyr. I can fix him. I can make it work. It’s a job, right? I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I’m just doing my job!

*fanfare*

Mary: Oh, William! Um, I was wondering–

William: Nothing!

Monmouth: The hunt did not go well!

William: Ugh!

Anne: Yup, pregnant!

Mary: Again? Wow!

*fanfare*

Mary: Oh, William! I’d love to talk with you!

William: …but–but–but we’re going to the hunt?

Mary: Yes, but I’d really like to talk with you.

William: …Okay?

Mary: In private.

William: Um… After the hunt?

Mary: Yeah, okay, sure.

*fanfare*

Anne: Okay, that pregnancy wasn’t meant to be, but tonight, THIS IS THE ONE!

Mary: Tonight, this is the one!

*fanfare*

Mary: Oh, William! I’m so looking forward to our evening!

William: Not in the mood!

Monmouth: The stag got away!

*fanfare*

Mary: The stag got away…

Anne: Pregnant!

Mary: Ugh!

*fanfare*

Mary: William, wait! Tonight?

William: Eh!

Mary: Wait! Here, for good luck!

Monmouth: *retching*

*fanfare*

Mary: Tonight! Tonight!

*fanfare*

Mary: Oh, husband! How was the hunt?

William: I got the stag!

Mary: Oh, you must be very merry!

William: I… uh… I’m exhausted. Ugh…

Monmouth: Come on. Shake it off.

William: *violent coughing*

*fanfare*

Mary: I will force myself to love this creature.

*fanfare*

Mary: *screams* ...Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! It must have been a chill!

William: [indecipherable]!

Mary: Oh, oh no! Oh no! Oh, my slipper! Oh, I–I’m so sorry to, uh, keep you from you duties!

William: I’ve been meaning to schedule a time for our talk.

Mary: Oh, you remembered?

William: What was the subject?

Mary: Us. You and me. Us and our… duties.

William: Ah. Our political duties are not as rulers, but as first citizens. Stadtholder means “the first citizen.” It is very different from life in England. For example, no Dutch citizen kisses my hand. In the Netherlands, we are all equals. Calvinists, Protestants, Jews– even the Jews Mary. [indecipherable] Do you like Holland?

Mary: Oh, it’s very, very clean. I’m not, um… I’m not sure if I’m fitting in.

William: Well, I don’t fit in and I was born here.

Mary: I feel the same way about my family.

William: Our family.

Mary: You’re very close to the Bastard, you know. Hunting and… actually talking and I was thinking, now that we’re actually talking, Anne is pregnant… again.

William: Ja? ...Yes? …This life is not the life you wanted, is that a true thing I just said? Bastard! Where is [indecipherable]?!

Monmouth: *whispers*

William: Your uncle, Charles II–

Mary: God save him!

William: –he’s dead.

Charles: …Oh.

Anne: I had a miscarriage. Oh, and Daddy’s the king now. God save him.

William: To his newly crowned majesty– James II– I send you greetings–

*evil music / exert of “Allegro” by Marco Rosano*

James: James II! Boy, you’re the husband of my eldest daughter, the heir apparent to the throne of England, my father’s grandchild, my son-in-law: it’s King James II!

William: Ah. From one very close ally to another very, very close ally– that is what we still are, right?

James: Say it! Say my name, William!

William: King James II?

James: YES! That’s me, the king! Say it again!

William: King James II, I first wish to send you condolences on the death of your brother, God save hi–

James: I was at his bed when he passed.

William: Surely, you provided much comfort to Charles–

James: Oh, “surely provided much comfort to Charles,” yes! He converted, on his deathbed, to Catholicism!

William: *spits*

James: I’ll never forget his final words to me: “Make sure my whores don’t starve!” Men of power keep mistresses, you know… Do you know that, William?

William: …Well, uh, the reason I write is because, well, I have an offer for you. You see, here in Europe we have a little club. I call it “a league”. Not everyone is allowed into it, actually, but England most definitely would be allowed in “the league”. It is what may be described as “exclusive”. A lot of really great countries have joined: uh, Austria, Spain, the Netherlands, even Savoy.

James: Which countries are not allowed?

William: France.

James: Oh, don’t like Louis, do we?

William: No, I don’t! Louis wants to be king of Europe and he– he is routinely invading us here in Holland. Your son-in-law: who is that? That is me! Which I know you aren’t thrilled about, but your daughter is the Princess of Orange. Louis XIV is invading not just my country, but also her country.

James: Please. Mary’s country is, and always will be, England!

William: And as the future Queen of England, you should protect her.

James: I wouldn’t be so sure about Mary. While she is the eldest, she’s still a woman, and unlike you, William, I plan to perform kingly duties with my queen.

William: I just wanted to invite you to our league.

James: I’m very important, I’ve got to go.

William: France is at our borders as we speak!

James: That’s not my problem. Mary was betrothed to him for years, you know, before she married you. My idiot brother made that happen against my protests but I’m the king now! I wasn’t supposed to be, but God wanted me. God needs me! Sixty years of second-fiddle to King Syphilis and now I’m calling the shots, William! I don’t need you, you need me, and frankly, I don’t really like you.

*evil music / exert of “Allegro” by Marco Rosano*

James: Shh!

William: Why you do that?

*evil music / exert of “Allegro” by Marco Rosano*

James: Shh!! Thank you. Ooo, ooo, how they all loved my brother Charles the Pervert– forced me to marry my daughter to that Dutch abortion! Now, I’d like to speak to the court! You all like… gossip, don’t you? Let’s talk about William.

*retro music / exert of “O Samba Brasileiro” by Walter Wanderley*

Mary: They’re laughing, Maria Regina. They’ve been whispering all morning and I don’t– I don’t want to sound paranoid but… I hear my name. I hear William’s name and I hear… Betty’s name.

Messengers: God save him!

Mary: Hello?

Messenger 1: Your father sends us–

Messenger 2: God save him!

Messenger 1: James II–

Messenger 2: Long may he reign!

Mary: Oh, Father sends you?

Messengers: God save him, yes!

Messenger 2: In his infinite and divine wisdom, we were sent to you–

Messenger 1: His oldest daughter–

Messenger 2: Possibly the future queen–

Mary: Possibly?

Messenger 1: Your mother, the queen–

Mary: She’s not my mother.

Messenger 2: Is hoping to reward England with many sons–

Messenger 1: But one’s eyes are to the future–

Messenger 2: He hasn’t forgotten his eldest.

Mary: Oh, we haven’t spoken–

Messenger 1: He thinks of you often.

Mary: Well, he doesn’t write.

Messenger 1: It’s not that he thinks of you as you are–

Mary: Okay…?

Messenger 2: More for what you could be.

Mary: Well, I’m just happy that he’s thinking of me.

Messenger 2: He’s thinking of your soul.

Messenger 1: Your eternal soul.

Messenger 2: Your eternal, everlasting soul.

Mary: Yup, those both mean the same thing.

Messenger 1: Since Jesus was crucified–

Messenger 2: [indecipherable], mind you–

Mary: Yes, I’ve heard.

Messenger 1: A church was born–

Messenger 2: The Catholic Church!

Mary: *spits* Oh, sorry, habit.

Messenger 1: James–

Messenger 2: King James–

Messengers: God save him!

Messenger 1: Has sent us–

Messenger 2: In his infinite and sacred judgment–

Messengers: To convert you to Catholicism!

Mary: …Yeah, no, I’m good.

Messenger 1: It’s the true faith.

Mary: Yes, next time he could just write.

Messenger 2: [indecipherable] reading materials!

Mary: Right, or even visit–

Messenger 1: [indecipherable] all the celebrities are Catholic.

Messenger 2: Wow, really?

Messenger 1: Really!

Messengers: Like who?

Messenger 2: The pope, you ever heard of him?

Messenger 1: Of course! Wow, the pope is Catholic?

Messengers: Who else?

Messenger 2: God!

Mary: Debatable.

Messengers: Who else?

Messenger 2: Louis XIV.

Messenger 1: Whoah, he’s a heartthrob.

Mary: Yes, okay, I’ve heard enough!

Messenger 1: But Louis’ such a hunk!

Messenger 2: And Catholic!

Messenger 1: And… He’s Catholic?

Messenger 2: You better believe it!

Messengers: A Catholic hunk!

Mary: Okay, I’m married!

Messenger 1: For now.

Mary: …Excuse me?

Messenger 1: Hard to ignore the rumors–

Messenger 2: Naughty rumors–

Messenger 1: Everyone’s tittling–

Messenger 2: A-tittle here, a-tittle there–

Messengers: Tittle everywhere!

Messenger 1: That little Dutch devil–

Messenger 2: Evil Protestant pervert–

Mary: Oh, no, no, no, him buggering boys– that’s just a rumor!

Messenger 1: Boys?!

Messenger 2: Buggering?!

Messenger 1: Boys?!

Messenger 2: Buggering?!

Messengers: Buggering boys?!

Messenger 1: More like buggering the help.

Messenger 2: Dutch devil!

Mary: With the help?

Messengers: Buggering the help.

Messenger 1: Yes, everyone knows–

Messenger 2: Knows her name even.

Mary: Do you know their name?

Messenger 1: Well, I’ve said everyone–

Messenger 2: We’re part of everyone–

Mary: So, yes?

Messengers: Yes!

Mary: What’s his name?

Messenger 1: His name?

Messenger 2: His name?

Messengers: Squinty Betty!

Messenger 1: Squinty Betty’s a man?

Messenger 2: I didn’t know she was a man!

Messeger 1: No, I bet Betty’s a man.

Messenger 2: No, man, she’s a wo-man.

Messenger 1: Wo-man?

Messengers: Wo-man, she’s a wo-man!

Mary: Wait, Squinty Betty?!

Messenger 1: And the Dutch devil!

Messenger 2: Evil Dutch devil!

Messenger 1: Evil!

Messenger 2: Evil: that’s not good!

Messenger 1: No, it’s not good!

Messenger 2: That’s the opposite of good!

Messengers: And what’s the opposite of good?

Mary: Evil!

Messangers: *scream*

Mary: *screams*

Messenger 1: [indecipherable] James–

Messenger 2: King James–

Messengers: God save him!

Messenger 1: Has the fires burning.

Mary: Fires?

Messenger 2: To feel the heat.

Messenger 1: Ow!

Messenger 2: Careful.

Messenger 1: It’s the heat.

Messenger 2: I feel it.

Messenger 1: [indecipherable] King James [indecipherable] our beloved England [indecipherable] burning more evil people than Charles ever did.

Mary: Wait, he’s burning people?

Messenger 2: [indecipherable]

Messenger 1: Evil people!

Mary: He’s burning people?!

Messenger 2: [indecipherable]

Messenger 1: Evil people!

Mary: Father’s burning people?!

Messenger 2: [indecipherable]

Messenger 1: Evil people!

Mary: Jesus!

Messengers: Praise him!

Messenger 1: Praise Jesus!

Messenger 2: Praise God!

Messenger 1: Praise the pope!

Messenger 2: And above all, praise the king!

Messengers: God save King James II, long may he reign!

Mary: …William and Betty– no… No, I’ll have nothing to do with silly, irreverent myths… Betty! Um, throw these away. And, um, put the children to bed, will you? Oh– oh– oh– oh– oh, um… question: how is it you always to find William in such a talkative mood?

Betty: I just run into him.

*laid back retro music / exert of “Rain” by Walter Wanderley*

Mary: It’s late. No, you don’t have to leave. You were in Betty’s room. Do you know how I know that? Maybe because the entire court is talking about it! No, you don’t need to talk! I have tried to get you to talk for months, you do not need to talk now! Fuck off, Betty! The longest I’ve ever spent with you is [indecipherable]. You’re impossible! You’re thick! Uncaring! Cruel! My life here is suffering and now you make me the fool? To my father, to the court, and to myself! I’m the fool! You know, it was better when I thought you were gay; I thought “Well, at least it’s not my fault” but now I know, “No, it is my fault!” You turned down marrying me once before, why did you have to say yes this time? I was engaged to Louis XIV! I could’ve been in Versailles, in the most beautiful place on Earth and I would’ve been happy– no, I would be happy! And I would be liked and my family would love me and I would’ve done everything right, but then you came along! And ruined it! And everything! And me! And– this isn’t right! No! This is not how this was supposed to go! It was supposed to be me and Louis and it would’ve been right and normal and then I would be normal and happy and I don’t know– I don’t know why you had to say yes this time! Louis– Louis– Louis is– Louis– Louis– Louis– Louis– Louis– Louis– Louis’ the king! Right? Right? And he’s beautiful! I assume. I’ve seen the portraits– which are rarely accurate– but I’ve always wanted to marry him! Well, I was always supposed to marry him– but at least he’s nice! Yes, I’ve not met him, but at least I’ve heard that he’s ni– well, I guess I’ve actually not heard anything, but I was alway supposed to ma– Well, I guess I always– Okay, well, I guess I’ve never really actually thought about it! Well, I guess I never actually like Louis, or men… Men in general. I mean, I write to a woman who I call my husband, and I’ve always had a crush on her, but she’s not very nice to me, and she writes to my sister more than she writes to me, AND I DON’T KNOW IF I’M A LESBIAN, OKAY?! I don’t like men! But I don’t know if I like women either– historically speaking, there’s some things we just can’t know about me, okay, historically speaking– but personally speaking, you know what? I’M FIFTEEN YEARS OLD!! How am I supposed to know?! You know what? No! I didn’t want to marry Louis, now that I think about it, because, well, I never actually thought about it because, well, I’M NEVER SUPPOSED TO THINK! But I am gonna think! Like you said, we’re just first citizens here, right? So I’m allowed to think! So I’m gonna think! So I’m gonna think! Right, let me think! …Okay. I have something to say. I’m fifteen years old, William. Do you have any idea how scary this is? Leaving my country, marrying you, a stranger, I… I don’t speak the language, I don’t have any friends, and you, my husband, are still a stranger. You don’t have to love me. You don’t have to like me. But please don’t be cruel to me. I… I do not know how much… more a fifteen year old girl can take.

William: …Betty’s a spy. Before I married you, I had asked her to inform me about you.

Mary: Yeah, a spy, that’s the best you could come up with–

William: It’s true.

Mary: Yes, my lady-in-waiting is a spy! …Well, what did Betty the spy say?

William: She said you weren’t like your family.

Mary: Well, I tried to be like them.

William: I never tried.

Mary: Well, I think that makes you honest.

William: But not liked.

Mary: Well, they don’t like either of us. We share that at least.

William: I need to say something.

Mary: Okay! Good! Yeah! Okay! I’m here! I can listen! …Is it a problem? Is it personal? Is it about what I think it’s about? I know what it is, William.

William: You do?

Mary: Yes. It’s about–

Mary and William: Your penis / Your father

William: Wait, what?!

Mary: What about my father?

William: He terrifies me.

Mary: Oh, yeah, me too.

William: The balance of peace in this world is a delicate thing and James isn’t.

Mary: You can talk to me about these things, William. I know who my father is, you’re not going to hurt my feelings.

William: Yes… My penis?

Mary: Oh, um, well, I mean… why haven’t we…?

William: I’m uncomfortable around–

Mary: Me.

William: …people.

Mary: Oh, yeah, well, same, haha... But, um… It’s just a job, right? We would just be… doing our… our job.

*classical music / exert of “Zadok The Priest, Hwv 258″ by the English Chamber Orchestra*

William: *panting*

Mary: I HAVE NEWS! …I’M PREGNANT!! I did it! William did it! We, um… well, obviously, we did it. Oh my God, I feel a strange thing!

William: Are you okay?!

Mary: No! Yes! No! …I feel… happy.

*cheerful folk music / “Bransle de Bourgogne” by Brisk Recorder Quartet Amsterdam*

Anne: I have news!

Mary: Hello, Anne!

Anne: Hello, Mary.

Mary: You’re pregnant?

Anne: No, Mumsy is.

Mary: She’s not our mother.

Anne: They say if it’s a boy, God has chosen to make England Catholic again, but that’s only a 50-50 chance.

Mary: No, he wouldn’t baptize him Catholic, Anne.

Anne: I wouldn’t be so sure.

Mary: But we’ve just had nine years of civil war, why would he lead us into another?

Anne: To save us from the Dutch Devil.

William: Me?

Anne: I prefer “the Dutch Abortion” but “devil” isn’t bad. Gotta go!

Mary: God be with thee, Anne.

Anne: P.S. I may be pregnant, not sure.

*cheerful folk music / “Bransle de Bourgogne” by Brisk Recorder Quartet Amsterdam*

Mary: Ohhh!

Messengers: Glorious day!

Messenger 1: Tra-la!

Messenger 2: We’ve been sent to you by your father, the king!

Messenger 1: God save him!

Messenger 2: Long may he reign!

Mary: Again, he could always just write.

Messenger 1: He has his own pregnancy to attend to.

Messenger 2: His future son!

Mary: Are you certain about that?

Messenger 1: God ordained it!

Messenger 2: A Catholic England!

Messengers: Tra-la!

Messenger 1: We’ve been sent to beseech you.

Messenger 2: Consider your child’s–

Messenger 1: Everlasting soul!

Messenger 2: Baptize your child in the Catholic faith!

Mary: *spits* …morning sickness.

Messenger 1: For your child!

Messenger 2: For your father!

Messenger 1: You must respect him!

Messenger 2: Honor him!

Messenger 1: It’s in the Bible!

Messenger 2: “Honor thy father”!

Messengers: The Fifth Commandment!

Messenger 1: Honor the king of England!

Messenger 2: God save him!

Messenger 1: Long may he reign!

Messenger 2: For England!

Messengers: Make the baby Catholic!

William: Mary?

Mary: Yes?

William: Honor is not obeying.

*cheerful folk music / “Bransle de Bourgogne” by Brisk Recorder Quartet Amsterdam*

Anne: I have news!

Mary: You’re pregnant.

Anne: Besides that, Mary, but yes.

Mary: Oh, congratulations!

Anne: Yes, same to you!

Mary: Thank you!

Anne: Thank you! I have news: people are talking about Mother’s pregnancy–

Mary: Ah, she’s not our mother.

Anne: –And they think it’s all a big fake! Everyone is saying how [video skips]

Mary: Who’s saying that?

Anne: The court, Parliament, everyone! Oh, they don’t like Papa; they say every nineteen out of twenty want him gone.

Mary: Yes, but not likely cause the king does not–

William: Mary–

Anne: Ew!

Mary: Anne!

Anne: Sorry… Hello, William… glad you got my sister pregnant. *retches*

Mary: No. No, it’s not right for me to dance… No! No, I can have this moment! I can be happy! Yeah, nothing’s gonna stop me– *claps* –from enjoying this moment! Go ahead!

*cheerful folk music / “Bransle de Bourgogne” by Brisk Recorder Quartet Amsterdam*

Monmouth: Ah! I thank you for the generosity both you and William have shown me over the last undetermined period of time, but I must leave.

William: Oh, where’re you going? I was going to plan another hunt.

Monmouth: There comes a time in every mans life where the cruel, [indecipherable] eye of destiny looks upon him! The hero of every story has his moment of action! [indecipherable] standing on the precipice of glory to see the apotheosis of my journey’s end on that glorious mountain green! Today I sail! This story shall no longer wander unguided like an orphan clinging from one vague historical anecdote to another! No! Search no longer, poor play, for you have found your hero! And that hero… it’s me. Someone has to save our England! I have a mighty army of almost one hundred men! Eighty two to be exact!

Mary: Wait, with eighty two men you’re planning to–

Monmouth: Invade England, seize the crown, depose your father, my uncle, and save England from Catholic *spits* tyranny?

Mary: You’re planning on doing this with…

Monmouth: Eighty two men! Historically, this is what I did, so yah. [indecipherable] sweet cousin, it will be a Protestant England! ALL HAIL KING BASTARD THE FIRST! CHA-CHAH! Ah! He-yaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

Mary: Eighty two men can’t overthrow the king of England!

William: He’s hoping the people will rise.

Mary: What would they do to father?

William: Kill him.

Mary: Ah! Ah!

William: Okay, okay, okay! The Bastard doesn’t have any support, your father will be fine! You can have this moment; you deserve to be happy.

Mary: How? I may not like my family, but I love them. Yes, I-I deserve to be happy, but Father doesn’t deserve to die!

William: He won’t, he’ll be fine!

Mary: You can’t know that for sure.

William: I do! …I-I promise you– I-I… I promise on the life of our child that nothing will happen to your father. I’ll see to it.

Mary: You will?

William: Mmhm.

Mary: …Okay… Okay, yes, okay… I’m happy.

William: Rest. Nurse? Take my wife to her bedchamber. Make sure she doesn’t want for anything.

Mary: Ooo!

William: [indecipherable]. James?

*evil music / exert of “Allegro” by Marco Rosano*

James: James?! Use my full title!

William: I have grave news.

James: Oh, has France invaded you again?

William: Your nephew, the Duke of Monmouth–

James: Who?

William: …The Bastard.

James: Oh, why didn’t you say?! How is the lad?

William: He’s leading an army to depose you and take the crown for himself.

James: *laughs* You’re having a laugh! …Shit! How dare he! Doesn’t he know who I am?! I’m the king! I’m very well respected and loved– everybody loves me! *gasps* Why doesn’t he love me?! Oh, he’s just a little shit bastard, I’ll crush him! How dare he not see how awesome I am! How powerful and strong and– oh! I am so mad right now! It was a good day too, it was going really well, I had just finished telling the queen “I’m gonna make it a good one today, you know!” Ugh, I am so mad right now I’m literally shaking! *gasps* I need to eat something!

William: I hope you now see that our relationship is very…

*execution drums / exert from “March to the Scaffold” by Paul Edward*

Headsman: *giggling* For your crimes against the crown, you are sentenced to death!

James: Say hello to your father for me, boy. Any last words?

Monmouth: Fuck off!

James: How dare you! Kill the bastard!

Headsman: God save the king!

James: No one questions my authority!

Monmouth: Piss off!

James: Bastard?!

Monmouth: I have still a few [indecipherable]

James: How dare you! [indecipherable]

Headsman: Thank you. One more!

James: Who’s the douchebag now, huh?

Monmouth: You are!

James: Bastard! [indecipherable] I am not a douchebag, I am the king of England!

Monmouth: Douche of England more like it!

James: Cut off his head!

Headsman: [indecipherable] does anyone want to take over, huh?

Monmouth: It takes– ugh! –and this is all true– ugh! –five blows! Ugh! King Douche II! Ugh– *splutters*

James: Who’s the douchebag now, huh? Not me. I am not a douche! You hear me, Bastard?! I am not a douche! You hear me, England? I am not a douche! I am King James II! Not King Douche II! King James II! Charles didn’t respect me, and you, you didn’t respect me, but my people will. OR I’LL FUCKING MAKE THEM! They will fucking tremble in love and adoration– ohh! I want hundreds to pay for this bastard’s actions! I don’t care who they were, if they even so much as saw him walk by, they are to be executed. Churchyard trees are to be littered with corpses, the military men will be order to play in time with the twitching of their feet! And if you think that this is too much, too cruel, I’ll remind you: One, I am just being historically accurate, and two, I am the goddamn motherfucking King of England! William!

William: …your majesty.

James: Oh, I couldn’t’ve done it without you! …But I know what this is. Scared to lose a few more windmills to Louis, huh? What, you thought that you could bribe me with this little quid-pro-quo?

William: I didn’t do it for you, I did it for Mary.

James: Mary? Don’t you dare bring my daughter into this. What? You thought that I was so stupid that little nugget of information would have me on all-fours like a whipped bitch begging to do you any favor you asked? No! That little shit was nothing! I could have fought him off while wiping my ass! I owe you nothing! France may be at your borders, but England could join them just as easily! God knows Louis and I talk about it. *laughs* Tip-toe around me, William. Now, I’d like to speak to my daughter. Now!

William: Mary, could you come here, please? I have a letter for you from your father.

Mary: He’s safe! Thank you, William!

James: Mary, my eldest daughter! *laughs* You know, I fought your uncle Charles about you having to marry that–

Mary: [indecipherable] William’s wonderful, actually. Yes, I–I miss my home very much, but Holland, it’s very, very clean.

James: [indecipherable] they tell me you’re considering a Catholic baptism.

Mary: Oh, no I’m not, Father.

James: You have a responsibility to me, Mary. Biblically, I am your father and you must honor me.

Mary: Well– I do honor you.

James: Then you must obey me.

Mary: Well, honor is not obeying.

James: From King Douche II to you now?

Mary: King Douche?

James: How dare you! I am very [indecipherable] you talk back to me. I am your father and you must honor me!

Mary: Enough of this.

James: You will make the child Catholic!

Mary: Stop!

James: We all know you have no choice. You’re a prisoner.

Mary: Please…

James: [indecipherable], Mary, there’s hope in the distance!

Mary: What are you suggesting?

James: Just because you… lie with the Dutch Dog doesn’t mean you need to get its flees.

Mary: He’s my husband!

James: *laughs* William isn’t long for this world.

Mary: What are you planning?

James: Oh, come now!

Mary: What are you plann– ah! Ah!

James: *laughs* You look like him. Can’t even walk without wheezing, spits blood; your time in the tower is almost over, Mary.

Mary: He is the father of my child. William, could you come here, please?

James: *scoffs* Is he the father? Last I heard, he couldn’t perform.

Mary: You’re one to talk!

James: My performance isn’t to be questioned!

Mary: I know the rumors of the queen’s great belly!

James: [indecipherable] rumors: just a few!

Mary: Nineteen out of twenty! That’s what– ah! Ah!

James: Make the child Catholic!

Mary: *spits*

James: Your mother–

Mary: She’s not my mother!

James: No, your real mother! Remember the day she died?

Mary: Please, Father, I’m in pain! I don’t want–

James: The day she died the priest came to administer her last rites, to cleanse her soul. Without it, your mother would be damned for all eternity! Her skin would scorch, blisters would form– weeping blisters!

Mary: *voice breaking* …William?

James: A priest came… and she refused him.

Mary: William! …That’s a lie!

James: After my counseling she refused the Protestant priest. The Catholic bishop was called in and all was confessed. So, in your philosophy, Mary, is it your mother or your child who’s damned to unfathomable pain and suffering? Which is the one true faith? If you baptize that child Protestant, it means you believe it’s your mother suffering, right now as we speak. Have you ever considered hellfire, Mary? *laughs* It’s something to think about. Oh! Your new mummy’s in labour now. Got to run.

Anne: Mary– and William *scoffs*– the queen’s had a baby. It’s a boy. They’ve baptized him Catholic *spits* toldja so. But there’s something else. I have some gossip! All of London– they think it’s a changeling! They think it’s not a real child. They think she snuck a child into her bed to pass off as our brother! Oh! Papa’s going mad. Something’s going to happen. Something bad.

William: May I see it?

Betty: There’s nothing to see. ...You should go to her, William.

*dramatic music / exert from “2020” by SUUNS*

♪ And what you see is really what you see ♪ ♪ What you, what you, what you, what you ♪ ♪ Do what you please, the thing what you see ♪ ♪ What you, what you, what you, what you ♪ ♪ And what you see you feel ♪ ♪ Coming real, take your way ♪ ♪ All through the way… ♪

~ Intermission ~

*guitar strumming*

Chorus: ♪ Good fortune [indecipherable] William and Mary [indecipherable]-tend ♪ ♪ May glories increase and their lives never end ♪ ♪ [indecipherable] daily successes our nation may find ♪ ♪ For England [indecipherable] they both are designed ♪

Mary: William?

William: Huh?

Mary: Why is there a Greek chorus?

William: [indecipherable] chorus now.

Mary: Yes, why?

Chorus: ♪ Over the hills and it must be done ♪ ♪ To England, Glorious Revolution! ♪ ♪ William commands and we will obey ♪ ♪ Over the hills and far away ♪

Mary: Shoot, shoot, shoot! What story with a Greek chorus ends well?!

William: It’s just a device, Mary, it doesn’t mean–

Mary: The letter! They’re here because of the letter!

William: We received a letter?

Mary: From England. They call themselves–

Chorus: ♪ THE IMMORTAL SEVEN! ♪

Mary and William: The Immortal Seven.

Mary: Parliament has invited us to England.

William: They’ve invited us to invade England.

Mary: Why would they do that?

William: I don’t know.

Mary: We can’t invade!

Chorus: ♪ Invade you must, there’s no time to waste ♪ ♪ James is a monster! Our country defaced ♪ ♪ Blood in the streets and corpses in trees ♪ ♪ Come and put our minds at ease ♪

William: Your father is in talks to invade with Louis. Where? Here! He’s–he’s had his boy and he’s baptized him Catholic and all of England is on the brink of Civil War again!

Mary: What does that have to do with us?

William: Um, well… They want us to depose your father.

Mary: It has to be us?

William: I don’t see another alternative.

Mary: Shoot, shoot, shoot! Is it right?

William: Right? We–we save England, we save the Netherlands, we keep Europe in balance– yes.

Mary: But is it right for a daughter to depose her father? It’s the Fifth Commandment, right? “Honor thy father!”

William: He doesn’t need to die.

Mary: Well, I know my history, William! You only depose a king by killing him. How many former kings do you see walking around?! But… He can’t invade Holland! It’s your country and you care so much for it and the people and it’s so very, very clean– Okay, yes! We should do this. But we have to do it a different way. No blood. No killing. If it’s an invasion, it has to be a bloodless invasion!

William: I don’t know…

Mary: Can you try?

William: Invade one of the most powerful countries in the world, other-throw its king, and not hurt anyone in the process?

Mary: Please?

William: …Ja.

Chorus: *gasps* ♪ What’s that you say? ♪ ♪ We prick up our ears ♪ ♪ [indecipherable] you come ♪ ♪ To end all our fears ♪ ♪ Think of what you both could be ♪ ♪ You’ll go down in history! ♪

Mary: We could, couldn’t we! Imagine all that “First Citizen” stuff here in the Netherlands– we could do that in England! You could bring all of your wonderful ideas to my country! Imagine: Freedom of religion!

William: Freedom of the press!

Mary: And no more torturing! Or bloody pomp and circumstance! And we do it bloodless! We ride into England and the people will rise with us and father will say “Oh wow, that’s what the people want!” And it’ll all work out [indecipherable] Why shouldn’t we be king and queen?! Neither one of us want the damn job so we’re the ones who should have it…

William: Would I be king?

Mary: Yes.

William: Who would you be?

Mary: The queen.

William: Right, but who’s the one in charge?

Mary: …Oh.

William: It would be you, you’re first in line.

Mary: Oh, me? No.

Chorus: *murmuring in agreement*

Mary: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! I’d rather not.

William: It’s not up to you, you’re first in line.

Mary: Ah, but you! You–you are after me!

William: Right, but you still come first.

Mary: But I don’t want to be queen– okay, wait, wait! Let me think… Okay, solution. ….We’ll… both be king and queen!

William: It does not work that way.

Mary: [spluttering] Listen! We go to England; you raise an army and depose– aw– depose father and then we say “Alright! We’re both king and queen!” What’re they gonna do, say no?

William: Joint monarchs– it would be a first.

Mary: [indecipherable] I don’t know if it’s right. God says to honor thy father, but… that doesn’t feel right.

William: We can say no, Mary.

Mary: No… You okay?

Anne: Yes, quite, sister.

Mary: Okay, good.

Anne: Stop staring at me!

Mary: Let’s keep going. And my heart says to bother you.

William: Your heart says that? What do we want to do?

Chorus: ♪ To England, to England! We sail, we sail! To England, to England! At last, at last! A tempest, a tempest! Begins, begins! And [indecipherable], and [indecipherable]! [indecipherable], [indecipherable]! ♪

Soloist: ♪ To England, we sail / [indecipherable] / [indecipherable] / [indecipherable] ♪

Chorus: ♪ The men are afraid ♪ ♪ There’s no debate ♪ ♪ Revolution now must wait ♪

*storm sounds*

Mary: Ahh!

William: THEY’RE CALLING IT THE CATHOLIC WIND! WE CANNOT SAIL FOR ENGLAND UNTIL IT PASSES! WE’VE ALREADY LOST A THOUSAND HORSES! WE HAVE FORTY THOUSAND MEN WAITING TO INVADE– BUT THIS WIND!!

Mary: There have been so many omens! This wind; the miscarriage! Is it a sign from God?! Can a daughter who deposes her father be a Christian?! Can doing what’s right and God’s will be at odds?!

William: WHAT?!

Mary: CAN DOING WHAT’S RIGHT AND GOD’S WILL BE AT ODDS?!

William: Oh, it is over.

Chorus: ♪ [indecipherable] ♪ ♪ William and Mary, our God has ordained ♪ ♪ Rex and Regina, this we say ♪ ♪ Sail on the future king’s birthday ♪

Mary: Wait, really?

William: Ja. It’s my birthday. The fourth. Historically, that’s just how it happened to work out.

Mary: Oh! Well, that’s a good omen, right? Happy birthday to you!

William: Yes.

Mary: William, wait! Look… I respect you. And, under normal circumstances, I would never breach this, um, unspoken agreement, but, um, it’s his birthday– ah, could we– um, uh– you know– could we do just one round of “Happy Birthday”? Um, what’s a good starting note? *hums* Is that good? *hums* Ready?

Mary, chorus, and audience: ♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪ ♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪ ♪ Happy birthday dear William! ♪ ♪ Happy birthday to your! ♪

*cheering*

William: This is the greatest birthday present I’ve ever received. Thank you.

Chorus: ♪ William has come and we will defend ♪ ♪ To kick out the tyrant and and then will ascend ♪ ♪ His first steps on English soil ♪ ♪ Defender of faith and [indecipherable] ♪

William: Hello? Where the hell is everyone?

Peasant: *screams* Oh, it’s [indecipherable] Day. Everyone’s busy catching cats.

William: Ah. Well, um, I am William of Orange, Defender of the Faith and– wait, why are you catching cats?

Peasant: To [indecipherable] the pope.

William: Ah. Well, I am William of Orange, Defende– the pope?

Peasant: *sighs* Not the real one sadly, but yeah. [indecipherable] cats and set them on fire.

William: Why you do this?

Peasant: For God! It’s tradition! …You’re not from around here are ya, foreigner!

Chorus: ♪ Over the hills and it must be done ♪ ♪ To England, Glorious Revolu– ♪

Peasant: [indecipherable] you are making such a racket!

William: I am William of Orange, Defender of the Faith!

*cat screeches*

Peasant: [indecipherable] you scared the cat!

William: Good woman, have you not heard of our coming?

Peasant: …[indecipherable] in England?

William: I–

Peasant: [indecipherable] and whip em til their backs be bloody!! Ngyeehhhhhhhhh!!

William: *screams* I AM WILLIAM OF ORANGE! I COME FROM THE HAGUE BY INVITATION OF PARLIAMENT! Good lady! We come to overthrow King James II.

Peasant: *spits*

William: Progress. I am the [indecipherable]’s husband and myself, third in line. We come to bring stability and religious… freedom to this… country.

Peasant: Oh, you and what army?

Chorus: ♪ We are [indecipherable] ♪ ♪ Join is so you [indecipherable] ♪ ♪ [indecipherable] ♪ ♪ James will soon be overthrown ♪

Peasant: Oh, [indecipherable], sir! I don’t have anything of worth but… I’d be proud to give you my cats.

William: *coughs*

Peasant: Oh, must be the cat smoke.

William: Oh, this air is filthy. I need a little rest.

Messenger: ♪ One man tried to poison your food ♪

Anne: ♪ Some with bullets [indecipherable] ♪

Chorus: ♪ Mostly [indecipherable] ready to fight ♪

Charles: ♪ [indecipherable] horse was white! ♪

William: Let us move forward!

James: William! What the hell do you think you’re doing?!

Chorus: ♪ James was appalled by the sight that he saw ♪

James: ♪ I’ll have your head, boy, remember [indecipherable]! ♪

Chorus: ♪ Soon his generals started to fall ♪

James: ♪ Troops, make an example of him! ♪

Chorus: ♪ James’ troops then began to abandon ♪ ♪ Our glorious William now [indecipherable] ♪

James: Did you not all swear your loyalty?! You are all my subjects! *gaps* Mary! Ungrateful daughter! You must swear your loyalty to your father! It is God’s will! The Fifth Commandment! Consider the hell– *splutters* What the hell? Anne, Messenger, and Monmouth: ♪ Blood from his nose ♪ ♪ [indecipherable] to God ♪ ♪ James was denied ♪ ♪ His royal throne ♪

James: No! No! What the hell?! *spluttering* The Fifth Commandment– shit! This is terribly inconvenient

Anne, Messenger, and Monmouth: ♪ To James [indecipherable] ♪ ♪ His nose really bled ♪

James: WAIT, WHAT?!!

Anne, Messenger, and Monmouth: ♪ To France, King James ♪ ♪ Finally fleeeeeeeeeeee– ♪

James: STOP SINGING!

Anne, Messenger, and Monmouth: ♪ –eeeeeeeedddddd ♪

James: What, is this really historically accurate?! You’re just gonna let me go, William?! HA! Coward! I will return, William, I promise you that! Mary! Ungrateful daughter! You will suffer the fait of an unfaithful daughter. This is not how my story was… suppose to be told… To France.

Chorus: ♪ William has won now that James has fled ♪

William: *prolonged violent coughing*

Chorus: ♪ London is happy! ♪ ♪ With bonfires lit ♪ ♪ Willy’s lungs can’t take the smoke ♪ ♪ And all the fog just made him choke ♪ ♪ Over the hills and it must be done ♪ ♪ To England, Glorious Revolution! ♪ ♪ William commanded and now we’ve won ♪ ♪ Our new day begins with the rising of the sun! ♪ ♪ Of the sun! ♪

William: *groaning, gasping for breath*

#redlady speaks #it takes. a really long time to transcribe something #history brainrot #william iii #mary ii #the glorious revolution #charles ii #james ii #queen anne #the stuarts

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recollins · 4 years

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Baby Fever (Spencer Reid x Reader)

Request: Do u mind doing a fic where people from the team sees Spencer shopping for baby items (clothes, toys, etc) during different days and one time sees him shopping with his secret gf that they didnt know about and immediately jump to conclusions thinking they’re having a baby but in reality the reader’s sister is the one thats pregnant hahaha thanks and i love your stories! Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female Reader Words: 4,930 Content: 100% pure fluff Warnings: None Masterlist

The headache you’d had all day just refused to go away. It would’ve been tolerable if you could’ve at least gone home at five, like planned. All day you’d been looking forward to dinner with Spencer, and of course your boss had practically forced you to stay late tonight to finish your reports early. Sure, it’d look great for your team, but at this point all you wanted was to eat reheated pizza in your pajamas with your adorable boyfriend while you binged Dr. Who until 1am again.

Was that really too much to ask?

When you got a new text from Spencer saying he’d just reached the store, you instantly dropped what you were doing and, after a quick look around to make sure your boss wasn’t nearby, you hit call.

“I have no idea what would be beneficial for Ashley,” Spencer told you the moment he answered. You could hear him rifling through books on the other end of the phone. You couldn’t help but grin hearing him practically fretting; he was taking his unofficially official assignment seriously.

“She’s a lot like you. She likes learning as much as she can. ,” you told him, smiling at your own words. It was another reason you were dying for them to meet.

The two of you had only been dating for a couple of months, but you’d fallen hard for the handsome genius and you wanted to show your sister exactly why you were so thankful you’d babysat for her that day. It was all thanks to her that you’d had your chance encounter with Spencer; without her, you never would’ve met.

You hadn’t even noticed the little boy running across the park until the dog at your side paused to watch him. As soon as he noticed the boy was headed for the two of you he gave an excited jump, scrambling forward to greet his visitor.

“Sit, Buck,” you told the golden retriever pulling at the leash. Your sister’s dog looked back at you, giving one of the most human pouts you’d ever seen, though he reluctantly plopped onto the grass.

The little boy paused a few feet of way, clearly having enormous difficulty not immediately hugging the dog he was after. He looked up at you with a pleading gaze, blinking his large blue eyes as he asked hopefully,

“Can I PLEASE pet your doggy?”

With a grin – glad to see he knew how to act with a stranger’s dog – you nodded and knelt down beside the dog ready to burst with excitement. “You sure can. He loves making new friends.”

The little boy gasped with excitement and eagerly moved closer, holding out his hand. Buck squirmed forward and bumped his head into the little boys palm, and all hesitancy was out the window. The boy laughed and threw his arms around Buck, and the golden retriever instantly began licking him, wagging so hard he nearly knocked himself over.

“I’m Henry,” the little boy announced to you, eagerly petting as much of the dog as he could reach.

“Hi Henry. I’m Y/N, and this is Buck,”

“Hi Buck!” he laughed, nearly falling over as the dog reacted to his name with even more wiggles. Laughing yourself, you reached out and gently steadied Henry just as a new person came rushing your small group.

“Henry!” the man called out, and the little boy glanced over his shoulder. “I’ve told you not to run off like that!”

Instantly you were lost to studying the piece of art that had just graced you with his presence. He was tall, slim, and scruffy, a mess of chocolate curls framing his sharp jaw line and even sharper cheekbones. A light dusting of stubble framed his soft, pink lips and drew you even further into his hauntingly beautiful face.

“Uncle Spencer look! I made a friend!”

The man – Spencer – came up to Henry’s side and knelt down, keeping himself angled away from Buck as he studied the little boy, checking to make sure he was alright.

“Buck’s really friendly,” you felt the need to tell him, instantly recognizing he was very protective of the little boy. “I hope it’s alright that he pets him, I didn’t have it in me to keep them apart.”

Spencer’s face finally seemed to relax as he watched Henry and Buck together. “It’s alright. I’m sorry if we’re interfering with your day.”

“No, no. Not at all. This is a happy little pitstop on our way home,” you assured. You’d been watching Buck practically lick Henry to death, but when you glanced up at Spencer you saw he’d been watching you. Your gaze met for the first time and blinked in surprise, taken off-guard by the gorgeous caramel eyes staring into you.

Upon meeting your gaze his cheeks flushed beneath the scruff of his beard and he stammered out a quick, “t-that’s – that’s good. I’m glad.”

Normally you were shy and awkward around guys as gorgeous as Spencer, but today you felt emboldened. Maybe it was the crisp autumn wind that settled your nerves as you took a breath, or maybe it was the way his stunning gaze could hardly stay off of you. Either way, you gave him a soft smile and said,

“If it’s okay with you, I’m sure Buck would love having company around the rest of the park.”

Henry’s big blue eyes stretched impossibly wide and he tipped his head back. “Can we PLEASE walk with them, Uncle Spencer? PLEASE?!”

Spencer let out a laugh, and instantly you were lost to the gorgeous man in front of you. He pretended to think it over, though you caught the knowing smile he gave you over Henry’s head.

“Well, as long as Buck doesn’t mind.”

As if on cue, Buck gave an excited yip and licked Henry’s cheek. The three of you laughed and you all stood; Henry and Buck ran ahead, bumping into each other as they went. Spencer fell into step beside you and asked,

“I’m sorry. I know your dog’s name, but I never asked yours.”

You grinned and laughed, “that’s usually how it works, honestly. I’m Y/N. And I believe you’re Uncle Spencer?”

“Just Spencer,” he chuckled, smiling down at you bright enough to take your breath away. “It’s really nice to meet you, Y/N.”

“Y/N?” Spencer prompted, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Hmm?”

He chuckled, knowing your habit of losing yourself in your own mind every now and then. “I asked if you think she’d like a book about methods of childbirth. I’ve already read about half of it, it seems very informative.”

You snorted, instantly picturing your boyfriend in the heart of Barnes and Noble, speed-reading pregnancy books to find the best one. “I think she would. Maybe get a few for like, the baby’s first year, if they have it. To give her some variety, you know?” Spencer hmm’d but didn’t answer. “Spence, quit reading the book.”

“Sorry, this is fascinating. I read all about labor and delivery when JJ was pregnant with Henry, but I’d never explored home birthing in this depth. Did you know that on average, a woman’s –“

“Hold that possibly unnerving thought,” you giggled quietly, hearing the door of your boss’s office open. “I’ve gotta go. I trust your book-buying judgement, since you’re the expert in that field. Get whatever you think she’ll like.”

“Okay. I’ll come over when you get home and show you what I’ve got. I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.”

“Sounds good, baby. See you soon.”

David Rossi wasn’t one to frequent Barnes and Noble at nearly 8pm on a Friday night. Truth be told, he was only stopping in to check how well his books had been selling locally. He’d personally brought in a box of his latest release, and so what if he wanted a little ego boost?

He’d wandered to the back of the store, going straight for the True Crime section, when an all-too-familiar voice caught his attention.

“Okay. I’ll come over when you get home and show you what I’ve got. I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.”

Rossi did a full stop, slowly backing up to the aisle he’d just passed. Sure enough, Reid was standing in the middle of the Parenting & Family section, two maternity books tucked under his arm as he read through a third.

As he hung up the phone, Rossi watched him furrow his brow, lost in deep thought as he plucked another book off the shelf. As Rossi slowly approached, he caught the title of the new book he’d grabbed: The New Father: A Dad’s Guide to the First Year.

“Uh, Spencer?”

Reid froze, whipping around so fast he nearly fell, dropping the book in his hand. His wide, stricken gaze locked onto Rossi and for several moments neither of them spoke. Slowly, Rossi knelt and grabbed the book, holding it out to him. Just as slow, Reid took it and tucked it to his chest.

“I… didn’t know you came to Barnes and Noble,” was all he managed. Rossi raised his brows and said pointedly,

“Though I’m sure you practically live here, I wasn’t expecting you to be in this section.” Reid gave a pained blink. “Is there… something you’d like to tell me?”

“What?” he barked out, giving a nervous laugh. “W-what? No. No, there – there’s nothing to – no.”

“Right,” Rossi drawled, eyeing the very panicked young man as he slowly backed out of the aisle, pointing to his left. “I’m just gonna…”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s – I’m gonna – I’m gonna go.”

The moment Rossi was out of his way, Reid took off out of the aisle, all but sprinting to the front to check out. The moment he was out of earshot, Rossi was dialing the first number he could think of.

“This is Hotchner –“

“Aaron. You’re never going to believe this.”

Hotch strolled a few paces behind Jack, smiling as he watched his son scamper up and down the toy aisle, hunting for the perfect prize. He’d just gotten recognized as the top student in his class and he’d wanted to reward Jack for all his hard work.

He wasn’t surprised his son was taking his toy-picking very seriously. Jack was so much like himself in that way; he’d even asked Hotch for his professional opinion twice.

“I think I do want the lightsaber,” Jack huffed, setting down the Captain America figure he’d been on the fence about. His son glanced back at him and Hotch put on his most serious face, nodding intently.

“You can never have too many lightsabers. Do you want to look at it again?”

Jack nodded eagerly and took off for the other aisle. As tedious as toy shopping could be, he loved every moment of simple fun like this he got to spend with his son. As he got closer to the aisle Jack was in, a voice he hadn’t been expecting drifted towards him.

“Lamaze toys like this one are excellent to use during tummy time. That’s very important in a baby’s development.”

Was that Reid? Talking about baby toys? Hotch’s mind instantly went to the discussion he and Rossi had been having the last few weeks. He’d found it hard to believe Spencer Reid was buying baby books, and had thought it was just a misunderstanding…

“It’s never too early to start encouraging the development of motor skills, either. This one would certainly help… it DOES rattle, which I admit could become aggravating hearing it days on end… oh! Have you already gotten a playmat? This one is meant to adapt with the child as they grow…”

Hotch had to see this to believe it. One eye on Jack, he backed up to the end of the aisle and peeked around. Sure enough, Reid was parked in front of the baby toys, several piled in the cart at his side as he studied a surprisingly large box. He had a phone perched on his shoulder and a huge smile he hadn’t seen in quite some time.

“If you don’t like this one, we can always take it back. I think it’ll be very beneficial for the baby,” Reid declared, setting the box in the cart. As he looked up and met Hotch’s eye, he nearly dropped his phone. “I – I’ve got to go. I – yes, I’m fine. I’ll call you later.”

He hung up fast and opened his mouth to say something, but all that came out was a noise of distress.

“Reid… what are you doing?”

“I – I’m shopping.”

Hotch gave him an unamused frown. “I gathered as much. I meant what are you –“

“Dad, hey dad!” Jack called from behind him, and on instinct Hotch looked back to his son. “Look at this lightsaber!”

“That’s really cool, buddy,” Hotch smiled quickly as he turned back to Reid. “What are you –“

All Hotch saw was Reid skidding out of sight at the other end of the aisle, converse squeaking in his wake.

“Okay, what about this?”

Emily held up a box as Penelope and Morgan turned to study what she’d found. Penelope hmm’d and tapped her chin but Morgan instantly shook his head.

“A revolving tie rack? That’s as tacky as you get, Prentiss.”

“What? No way! The man has a lot of ties –“

“And he also lives in a mansion,” Morgan cut in with a snort. “I don’t think he has a problem findin’ a place to put ‘em.”

With a groan, Emily tossed the box back onto the shelf and ran a hand through her hair in frustration. “Why is Rossi so impossible to buy for?”

“Why are you two so bad at picking out gifts?” Penelope countered, and the two of them rounded on her. “What?!”

“You haven’t found him anything either,” Morgan pointed out, and Penelope planted her hands on her hips, fixing him with a pointed look.

“I’m not the hot-shot profiler here. I brought you two so you could use your mind-reading powers to figure out what he’d like. If I wanted to wander around Bed Bath & Beyond for an hour with nothing to show for it I would’ve just gone by myself!”

Morgan scoffed, clearly affronted. “Well it ain’t my fault you two nixed the golf bag organizer –“

“Does Rossi even golf?!” Emily snapped at him as the three started for another section of the store. As Morgan went to answer, Penelope cut into their argument with a very surprised,

“Is that Reid?”

The other two paused and followed her line of sight to the unmistakable curly-haired doctor standing in the family section, observing a stroller with a beautiful woman at his side. He was studying it intently, and the woman was watching him with pure affection.

The three of them shared a wordless, gaping stare before they started towards the two of them.

“I’m not sure. This isn’t one of the brands I researched.”

The woman shrugged and offered, “no, but it had decent reviews, and it’s less than the others with the coupon I’ve got. I can get this one right out and not have to put it on my credit card.”

“Sweetheart, I told you I’d get this. Price doesn’t matter. I want to get the best.”

Penelope and Emily looked at each other, mouthing together sweetheart!?

“No, absolutely not,” the woman objected, crossing her arms and giving Reid a frown. He went to argue and she pointed out, “You’ve bought everything else so far. I’m getting this one.”

“Let’s at least look at the other one I saw online,” he offered. “I feel more comfortable with a brand I’m familiar with.”

The woman gave him a sweet smile, giving his arm a squeeze. “Fine. Let me go find that one. I’ll be right back.”

As she slipped down an aisle, Reid turned back to observing the stroller. As he moved around it to look at the front, he caught the movement of the others approaching and looked up. He locked eyes with Morgan and just stared at the three of them as he said in total disbelief,

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“Rossi and Hotch said you had a little baby fever goin’ on but I didn’t believe ‘em,” Morgan chuckled, shaking his head. “Good of you to prove me wrong on that, pretty boy.”

“I certainly don’t have baby fever –“

“A stroller is a pretty interesting thing to buy if you don’t,” Emily pointed out; Reid’s cheeks turned a bright pink.

“It’s not – this isn’t what it looks like –“

“I for one am personally and completely offended that you clearly have something huge you haven’t told any of us,” Penelope cut in haughtily. Reid turned to her now, trying desperately to explain,

“You guys, really, I’m not –“

“Hey, Spencer?” the woman called from further down the aisle. “Can you help me grab this?”

Reid made to head towards her and the three of them followed. He jammed a finger at the group and shook his head. “No. No, we’re not doing this right now –“

“Oh, we’re doin’ this. It’s happenin’,” Morgan assured, actually rubbing his hands together in anticipation. “I’m ready to meet your baby mama.”

“What?!” Reid actually squeaked, eyes widening. “No! She’s – she’s not –“

“Baby?” she called again. Reid’s face was almost more red than his sweater.

“Yeah, I – I’m coming. Hold on.” To the other three, he practically begged, “just – just stay here. I’ll be right back.”

Morgan, Emily, and Penelope shared bemused looks, but they stayed put as Reid scrambled to rush after the woman. Emily was the first to whisper,

“Did you have any idea he was even dating?”

Morgan shook his head, small smile on my face. “Nah. I mean, I knew somethin’ was up. Kid’s been a lot happier the last few months. But I didn’t know he had a lady.”

“Or a baby on the way,” Penelope hissed, looking genuinely hurt. “I can’t believe he’d hide a girlfriend and a pregnancy from us!”

“I mean, it’s his life, Garcia,” Emily soothed, resting a hand on her friend’s arm. “We know Reid’s more reserved, and this is probably a big change for him. Keeping it quiet is probably easier for him right now.”

“I know, I just – I like to spoil. I want to buy cute baby things and dote on his pregnant girlfriend!” she whined. As Penelope and Emily went back and forth, Morgan kept his eyes on the aisle Reid had disappeared down. He didn’t hear either of them talking, let alone any noises from the aisle. Slowly, he started to creep forward.

“He told us to wait,” Emily began, and Morgan waved her off.

“I just wanna see…” he muttered as he leaned around the corner.

The aisle was empty. He spun to tell the other two just as he caught sight of Reid across the store, rushing out the door with the woman in tow. Both of them were giggling, looking pleased they’d given the others the slip.

“Alright, pretty boy,” Morgan chuckled to himself, shaking his head. “That was pretty slick. I’ll give you that.”

Spencer’s hand held yours tight as the two of you strolled through Target, headed for the children’s section. Your sister’s baby shower was that weekend, and you wanted to get just a few more things for her.

With her husband deployed overseas, you’d taken it upon yourself to make sure she’d had everything she needed when your niece arrived in just a few short weeks. Spencer, you were more than happy to say, was completely on board.

Honestly, he was almost more invested than you were with everything. He’d spent weeks researching the best stroller to get, and last weekend the two of you had spent your entire Saturday helping her assemble the crib and dresser she’d bought. Your sister absolutely loved him, and you had to admit you were already starting to feel the same way.

Maybe it was too soon to love Spencer, but how could you not? He’d been spending the little free time he had away from work with you, helping you take care of your sister like she was family to him.

“Does she have a winter jacket?” Spencer asked you as you reached the baby clothes, eyeing a display of fuzzy pink coats.

“I don’t remember seeing one. It wouldn’t hurt,” you admitted, and that was all Spencer needed to hear. He lifted your hand and pressed a kiss to your knuckles before letting go and hurrying off to pick out a coat.

Grinning to yourself, you watched him for a heartbeat before you turned to scour the racks of adorable onesies up ahead. Shopping for your niece was always a fun time with Spencer that left you feeling happier than you ever remembered being. Hell, even last week’s adventure at Bed Bath & Beyond had been amusing.

He’d practically scooped you up in his arms as he ran down the aisle you’d been in, whispering desperately that some of his team had shown up and the two of you had to make a quick escape. He’d felt terrible, sneaking you out like he did, but you understood. He’d told you when you first started dating that he wanted to wait a bit before introducing you to his team.

Well, more accurately, his family. It was a big step for him, he’d explained, and it wasn’t something he wanted to rush. Plus, apparently his team could be a little overbearing, and he’d wanted to spare you from their unyielding curiosity for the time being. You’d both agreed that you’d wait until after the baby shower so at least your family chaos could settle before he tossed you into his own.

Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t notice the other woman browsing the racks until you bumped into her. Both of you made noises of surprise and you instantly reached out to steady her.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t paying attention,” you said quickly, and she gave you a warm smile, shaking her head.

“Oh no, that was all me. I never look where I’m going.”

“Sounds like we’re both a little clumsy,” you laughed, and took in the handful of clothes she had. “Oh, you’ve got a little boy?”

“Two of them, actually,” she confirmed. “My youngest is just a couple months old.”

She pointed across the baby section to a tall, dark-haired man rocking an adorable baby in his arms. “That’s my husband and my youngest. My other son is –“

The little blonde boy from the park poked his head around one of the racks and you stared at him in surprise. His big blue eyes locked onto you, and recognition lit up his gaze.

“Oh, hi Henry!” The woman looked positively alarmed that you knew her son’s name, and more so that he recognized you in return

“Hi!” he said excitedly, rushing forward and looking around. “Is Buck here? Momma, she has a dog named Buck!”

“The big yellow dog from the park,” the woman said slowly, and as she knelt and scooped her son up, the memory of that day hit you full-force. You knew exactly who this was. Petite blonde with a husband and two kid, Henry… that must mean…

“You’re JJ,” you said, just as surprised as she looked. The woman was on guard; of course she was. She worked for the FBI and you’d just greeted her son and told her you knew her name.

“I’m sorry, do we know you?” JJ asked cautiously, and you gave her an apologetic smile.

“No, um, not really. I’m so sorry, this is so rude of me. My name’s –“

“Y/N!” All three of you turned to stare at the man who’d just come around the corner. He was still looking down at the shirt in his hand – pink jacket tucked under his arm – and hadn’t noticed the situation. “What do you think of this one?”

He held up the shirt that said I Found My Prince and His Name is Daddy just as he looked up at you. The smile froze on his face as soon as he saw the woman at your side.

“Hi Uncle Spencer!” Henry chirped excitedly. Spencer’s face turned an instant shade of bright red as he quickly hid the shirt. JJ slowly looked between you and Spencer, her eyes widening with each pass.

“Uh, Spence? I need an explanation here,” she said, voice tight with disbelief. “I seriously thought everyone else was just joking about this but – but are you two – are you having –“

You and Spencer looked at each other in alarm and instantly you shook your head quickly. “No! Oh, no. We’re – I’m not – no.”

Spencer came up to your side, still blushing furiously as he told her quickly, “JJ, this is my girlfriend Y/N. We’re shopping for her sister’s baby shower.”

“I’m not pregnant,” you felt the need to add just for good measure. JJ slowly gave a nod, still looking completely caught off guard, so you offered up a meek, “um, it’s really nice to meet you.”

“Why didn’t you tell us you were dating someone?” JJ asked him, sounding hurt. Spencer had told you JJ was his best friend, and you’d warned him she wouldn’t be happy he was hiding this side of him from her.

Spencer sighed heavily as he mumbled, “I just wanted some time to let everything settle. Y/N and I met unexpectedly and we were both caught off guard. We’ve been planning the baby shower and with everything else going on, I just wanted to wait a bit before introducing everyone.”

JJ pressed her lips together, but you could tell she wasn’t holding being upset. She just reached out and squeezed his arm. “I get it. Next time, though, you might want to be a little more up front with everyone. The rest of the team is convinced you’re having a baby with a mysterious stranger.”

Both you and Spencer giggled at that, and he gave you a sheepish smile. “Y/N warned me I was being a little too suspicious –“

“You practically carried me out of the store last week. Spencer. That’s more than a little suspicious.”

You and JJ laughed together as Spencer sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Please don’t tell everyone just yet,” he began. “I really did want to introduce you all properly in a couple of weeks.”

“That’s not really an option,” JJ sighed, giving him an apologetic smile. When Spencer went to argue, she added, “trust me, Spence. You’re gonna want me to stop Garcia. She’s still trying to decide between throwing you a surprise baby shower or strangling you in your sleep, and I wouldn’t put it past her to pull off both.”

Spencer actually grimaced and you just gave a laugh, shaking your head as an idea came to mind. You looked up at Spencer and offered, “What about this… my sister would love having more people around, and we’ve got plenty of room and food for a bigger crowd. Your team could come to the baby shower this weekend and we’ll settle all of this at once.”

Spencer smiled down at you in thankful surprise. “You wouldn’t mind?”

“Not at all. My sister would love to meet everyone, and,” you added, giving a smile to Henry. “Buck would love to see his new friend again.”

Henry gave an excited gasp and turned to JJ. “Can we please go see Buck, momma?!”

JJ smiled between the two of you and gave a shrug.

“Count us in. Just between us, though, I’d call Garcia tonight and tell her before she really does make a move. I can’t guarantee what way she’ll swing, but you know she doesn’t like being kept in the dark about family matters.”

Spencer chuckled, nodding in agreement. His arm came around you as you two said goodbye to JJ and Henry – giving a wave towards Will – and you both waited until you watched them head down an aisle.

“I’m so sorry to spring that on you,” Spencer said immediately. “It was really great of you to invite the team, but I don’t want to put you out –“

“You’re not putting me out, baby,” you promised, turning in his hold to wrap your arms around his waist and pull him closer. “I really want to meet your team, and this is the perfect opportunity. Besides…” you tugged the cute shirt out of his hand and held it up, getting the blush back on his cheeks. “You’ve apparently convinced them all I’m pregnant so we need to set the story straight somehow.”

Spencer sighed, though a smile played over his lips as he hugged you to him, starting to lead you back the way he’d come from. “Come on. There were other clothes I wanted to show you. Does she need snow pants? She really shouldn’t be out in the cold that long, but if she is she should be protected…”

You listened to your boyfriend launch into statistics about children and cold weather as you let him drag you around the kids section. Both your arms were full of clothes by the end of the night, and at this point your sister wouldn’t have room in her house for all the things the two of you had bought.

It was the least you could do, though. You owed your sister the world, because thanks to her (and Buck), you’d found yours in Spencer Reid.

#Spencer Reid x reader #Spencer Reid x female reader #Spencer Reid x you #Spencer Reid x y/n #Spencer Reid #Criminal minds #spencer reid imagine #Spencer Reid self insert #Spencer Reid fanfic #Spencer Reid fanfiction #fluff #cute #requests #rea writes

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omgitscharlie · 4 years

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𝖉𝖔𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊

AO3 link

ɪɴᴜʏᴀꜱʜᴀ x ᴋᴀɢᴏᴍᴇ | ᴘᴏꜱᴛ-ᴄᴀɴᴏɴ | ɴꜱꜰᴡ (ꜱᴍᴜᴛ)

summary: She'd been teasing him all day, and she knew it. Those fleeting glances and knowing smiles, it drove Inuyasha insane; not to mention she smelled sweeter, more intense. What happens when Kagome pushes Inuyasha beyond his limits? One-shot.

It had started with a simple, slow, wet kiss to the pulse point on his neck before they left the house and words that seemed to hint towards more. That alone would have been enough to have the silver-hair hanyou take control of the situation and allow them to give into their more primal desires. If it wasn't for the knowledge that Kagome had promised to do an archery lesson with Rin before her own miko training, he would have happily allowed them to be a little late. The scent of her made that even more difficult than usual, as he knew exactly why it had changed slightly - why her behaviour was much more sensual than normal. It wouldn't be wise to act upon his urges, not if she didn't want to be pupped, but, of course, his wife was making it extremely difficult to keep a level head.

He'd scolded her on the way to the village, calling her out on her intentions, "What're you playin' at?" All he got in return was a cheeky shrug, not even giving him the decency of making eye contact as she did so.

"It was just a kiss, Inuyasha - don't look into it so much," it was obvious she was trying to rile him up, and boy did she know how to do so better than anyone.

Judging by the very low, primal growl that left her husband shortly after, she knew her tactic was working, "You know exactly what you're doing, woman." The hold on her hand tightened, tempted to stop them and make her look at him, but was stopped by the sound of Gyokuto calling out and bringing attention to their presence.

"Doggy!" she shouted, having Sango turn around with little Hisui bundled up in her arms, "Hi uncle Doggy! Hi auntie 'gome!" Gyokuto repeated as she began to make a b-line towards the pair.

Inuyasha released Kagome's hand then, as reluctant as he was to do so - all he wanted to do right now was drag her back to their hut and show her who was in charge. It was only when the warmth of his hand left her that she looked up at him, only then seeing the glint of irritation and flustered need in those amber orbs of his. Satisfied with herself, she waved back to the small girl running towards them, leaving Inuyasha to bend down and pick her up. Adjusting the small girl to rest on his hip, he followed his wife towards Sango and Miroku's home.

"Gyokuto, remember what we agreed on?" the hanyou asked, immediately seeing the small girl's hands reaching upwards to the ears perched on his head. Though, when he spoke, he saw her immediately stop, pulling her hands back into her chest.

"No touching," she murmured, disappointment dripping from her tone, as high-pitched as it was, "Not unless uncle says so," she added, Inuyasha nodding in confirmation as he reached his claw-tipped finger out to push on her nose playfully.

"That's right - and I haven't had breakfast yet, so now isn't a good time," he added, the 'boop' to the nose having Gyokuto give a high-pitched giggle as she once again nodded in understanding. All the while, Kagome was standing with Sango, watching her husband interact with the child with a sense of whimsey. The way he looked holding such a small being, and acting so gentle and paternal, it had her only more needy from that morning. It seemed her husband had picked up on the spike in her scent, gaze quickly flitting towards her before narrowing his gaze.

That woman's gunna be the death of me...

Breakfast was normal enough, the four friends conversing as they typically did as they indulged in a simple meal of fish, rice and pickles. Though, it became obvious that Inuyasha's answers were more curt than usual and, when it came time for the men and women to go their separate ways, Inuyasha almost seemed desperate to get out into the fresh air. His goodbye was short and sweet, telling the girls to be careful, as he normally did out of habit.

Her smell had enveloped the whole room to him, like a heavy perfume that he couldn't shake, no matter how hard to tried to focus on something else. Not to mention her fleeting glances and teasing mannerisms that weren't obvious to anyone but him. Like how she gently dragged her finger over her collar bone as she adjusted her kosode, or stretched her head to the side enough to show her throat, only to quickly do the other side to make it less inconspicuous.

When he finally made it outside, she felt like he could finally focus on something other than her; think of something other than pinning her to the futon and fucking her until she begged him to stop.

"Inuyasha sure seems wound up today - you two have a fight?" Sango finally asked when the men were gone and out of earshot. Hisui was happily babbling to himself as Sango held him against her chest, gently rocking him and patting his back with the intent to burp him.

The sight of Sango being so domestic had been one she needed to get used to, having become accustomed to seeing her in such a fierce and formidable position and demeanor. Though, after a year of being back, Kagome realized how well being a mother suited the demon-slayer. The young miko could recall a time when Sango had mentioned she wanted a big family someday, little did either of them know it would be with Miroku.

"A fight?" the question left her slightly thoughtfully, as if she needed to actually take a moment to think about it. Lifting a finger to her lip, she tapped them softly while looking upward before answering, "Mmm, no. Not fighting." With her gaze averted upward, she couldn't see Sango's questioning look - she wasn't blind.

"Then what is it? The only time I've ever seen Inuyasha this desperate to start his day is if he's irritated," another pause was left after her final word, seeing Kagome feign innocence - if Kagome was anything, it was not a good liar, "What are you not telling me? C'mon Kagome, you can tell me." Sango had always thought of Kagome like a sister and never so much as she did since the young miko had come back. It was nice to finally have a woman who understood, not only what she had been through, but her as a person.

How was she supposed to say this? What words were the right ones to explain what she had been doing all morning, "Uhm...I guess you could say I've been," she shrugged while speaking her next words, "Riling him up?"

It took Sango all of two seconds to understand, eyes widening before she released a very real laugh, "That poor guy," she managed to say between bouts of laughter, "That makes much more sense," she added, wiping away a tear from her eye as she finally managed to get her laughter under control.

"Does Miroku act like that - y'know, when you-"

"Kind of, but Inuaysha and Miroku are very different, especially when it comes to women. It wouldn't be fair to really compare them; however, you could say Miroku gets pretty flustered, yes," Sango then offered her friend a very wide, genuine and amused smile, "How far are you willing to push it?"

Kagome shrugged in response, a flush now on her face from both embarrassment and sharing that large fit of laughter with Sango, "As far as he'll go, to be honest. Does that make me mean?" Leave it to the ever compassionate Kagome to turn it into something she could worry over. The scoff from Sango, paired with a flippant flick of her wrist gave Kagome some reassurance.

"I wouldn't worry about him - if anything, I'm sure he's enjoying it to some extent; besides," Sango began, leaning closer to Kagome with a knowing look on her face, "You gotta keep things exciting, right?"

With wide eyes, Kagome was shocked by Sango's statement, only to have them soften and her expression change to that of playfulness, "You're husband is rubbing off on you," she stated, Sango chuckling as she leaned back, shrugging her shoulders.

"It's bound to happen, there are things Inuyasha does that have rubbed off on you, I'm sure."

"Keh, ya right!" The second the statement left her mouth, she covered it with both hands, eyes wide once again at the realization that she had just proven the demon-slayer's point. Another fit of laughter left the young mother, "It's not funny!" Kagome tried to combat, though both of them knew just how funny it truly was.

The men walked off in silence for a good while, Miroku trying his best not to probe his friend for answers to the many burning questions that arose from that morning. Staff jingling, the two walked farther into town, having offered to help the headman with gathering a list of things he needed from the market days. Inuyasha remained tense, hands shoved into his sleeves as it seemed his ears were working harder than they normally did, twitching at any and all sounds, from the laughter of villagers to a snap of a twig beneath his foot. The hanyou wasn't oblivious, feeling the tension between the two of them and knowing full well that Miroku knew something was up. A grunt left him, side-eyeing the monk before breaking the silence, "If you got somethin' to say, than say it."

As cool as ever, Miroku wasn't affected by the edged tone his friend carried within that question; instead, he didn't even look towards his counterpart as he spoke, "I'm only curious as to what has got you so pensive, Inuyasha. You've been on edge since this morning."

Inuyasha turned his gaze to the ground, growling under his breath, though it was mostly towards himself for being so predictable, "It's nothing, alright? So, just drop it." That did not help his case, Miroku only more curious now, knowing his friend much better than most.

"Does it have something to do with Lady Kagome?" Miroku couldn't help but prod, having gotten rather good at drawing at least some intimate details from the hanyou - not much, but some, "A happy wife makes a happy life, my friend. Remember that." He could only assume that this behaviour meant that himself and Kagome had found themselves in another one of their notorious arguments. Even after almost a year of marriage, it seemed their bickering never changed.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" The hanyou snapped, stopping in his tracks to make a more defensive stance towards the monk, "Yeah, it has something to do with her, but not like that! I said drop it, alright?!" The volume of his voice was high, causing Miroku to stop in his tracks as well, turning to his hanyou friend as they stood just off to the side of the main rice fields. Luckily, not another soul was around, at least not for a good distance.

"Then what is it? If she's not angry at you, then what else could it be that's making you so-" then it hit him, eyeing his friend before his lips pulled into a grin. Inuyasha's eyes widened, taking a step back from Miroku - he hated that look.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Now it was Inuyasha's turn to ask the questions, it seemed.

"That little minx..." he mused before fully smiling at his friend, "She's teasing you, isn't she?" The amount of discomfort Inuyasha felt in that moment, the flush of his cheeks giving way any sort of resolve he could muster in an attempt to convey confidence. Miroku gave a slight huff of amusement, "Enjoy it my friend, only good things will come of it."

As if the conversation had never taken place, Miroku made his way towards the headman's house, leaving an extremely stunned Inuyasha behind to try and completely register what he had just experienced.

After the archery lesson with Rin, Kagome made her way to Kaede's hut, spending the rest of the day with her in training the way of the miko. Yet, Kaede immediately noticed that her young pupil was rather distracted. Perhaps not in the way that was obvious to some, but Kagome had much difficulty tapping deep enough within herself to draw out any sort of spiritual power. Kaede let it be for the day, knowing that some days would be more successful than others, and by the time the sun began to go down, she'd dismissed Kagome from her training. However, before letting her go, the old priestess made one small comment, "Goodnight, Kagome. Hopefully tomorrow your mind will be more clear than it was today." Kagome stiffened at the statement, blushing softly before giving a slight nod of apology and understanding.

Upon leaving the hut, she immediately saw Miroku and Inuyasha standing outside of it, speaking with another villager about something Kagome frankly couldn't care less about in that moment. Gaze lingered on her husband, only to have his attention be mirrored; she could see how he clenched his jaw that he hadn't forgotten about that morning. There was a hunger in his gaze that had a shiver run up her spine - and though they would be headed to Sango and Miroku's for dinner, she knew he wasn't hungry for food and neither was she.

"Oh, hello lady Kagome!" the villager spoke, bringing the young priestess out of her husband's trance to see him bowing.

Kagome returned the gesture with a small smile, "Tanaka-san, hello. Nice to see you. What are you talking about?"

"Tanaka was just talking about how one of his cows got loose and was asking if any of us had seen it," Inuyasha stated rather bluntly, hands folded in his sleeves.

"Uh, well - yes. If you see her, I'd be very grateful. This is the second time this year," Tanaka stated before Miroku placed a hand on the villager's shoulder, guiding him in the direction towards the center of the village, where Sango and Miroku's house was. It left the young couple alone for the first time since that morning.

When he knew they were out of earshot and no one else was around, his ears not picking up on any other footsteps or voices, he reached a clawed hand out to grip his wife's chin a bit more harshly than he was sure she was expecting. That theory was proven when he heard her gasp, looking up at him with slight shock, "Still planning on continuing whatever the hell it was you were doing this morning?"

Remaining in his grasp, she gave a look of that same feigned innocence for that morning. Gripping his wrist, she tilted her head down enough to nip at his thumb, "I don't know what you're talking about," she sang after releasing his thumb and seeing an ever growing desire in her husband.

His yokai was strong, potent, but flared even more so as a result of her teasing. A growl soon followed, emanating from deep in his chest, primal and filled with a heated need. His hand moved from her chin to her neck, holding her throat as he peered down at her, "You're lucky they're expecting us, or else I'd have half a mind to pull you behind a tree and take you right here..." That statement had a heat pooling between her thighs, leaning into the dominant hold on her throat, foretelling just what awaited her once they made it home for the night. The sudden spike of her scent had Inuyasha losing some of his resolve, leaning forward to capture her lips in a domineering kiss - all tongue and teeth, drinking in at least enough to tide him over until they got home.

When the kiss ended, he peered down at his wife, seeing her eyes half-lidded and seemingly in a daze. Not taking his hand from her throat, he leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers. With a soft, but very rugged tone, he planned to leave her with one statement before they carried on and made their way to dinner, "When we get home, I'm gunna ruin you. Am I clear?" Such a bold and dominant statement had Kagome releasing an involuntary whimper.

"Uh-huh..."

A smirk formed on the hanyou's face, a fang hanging over his bottom lip as he did so, "Good girl." Kagome's breath hitched in her throat at those words, never thinking that Inuyasha would be capable of being so bold, always rather subdued when it came to their intimate time beneath the sheets. Those two words had her clenching her legs together, as if to relieve some of the pressure built up between her thighs. The fact that he was doing this out in the open too, it only added another element of excitement to everything else - she must have pushed him farther than she'd anticipated.

And just like that, he pulled from her, releasing her neck and taking a half step away from her. She'd almost fallen then, suddenly void of his touch and strength to keep her from her knees buckling completely beneath her. The hanyou couldn't help but smirk, simply reaching out a hand for her to take as they finally made their way to Sango and Miroku's house.

Dinner was a little less awkward, especially since Inuyasha had let off some steam with himself and Kagome's moment before meeting up with their friends. Kagome, however, seemed to have switched places with her husband, though she was much, much better at hiding it. Both Sango and Miroku gave each other knowing looks, having an unspoken conversation between the two of them when Kagome and Inuyasha weren't looking or were too invested in their food to notice. After indulging in some rice wine after dinner, the couples finally parted ways, the friends saying a much more comfortable goodbye, even though Inuyasha was eager to take his mate home.

Preparing to walk home, Kagome took her husband's hand, only to have him crouch down to indicate for her to climb on. Doing as she was told, she climbed onto his back and, without a second of hesitation, they were off.

Touching down in front of their home, Kagome climbed from her husband's back. Walking though the entryway, she took off her shoes and left them in the dirt at the front entrance. Inuyasha stood and watched as she headed inside, preparing himself for what he had planned, for what his primal self couldn't seem to hold back for much longer.

Walking in after her, he acted as though he hadn't made the promise, the tension building exponentially the longer the two of them refused to acknowledge it. Inuyasha grabbed some wood for the fire, easily starting it and granting some light and warmth to their home. Kagome rolled out the futon and straightened out the bedding, knowing that they would probably end there at some point in the night. Neither of them said anything as they went about their typical nightly routine, Kagome even going as far as undressing to put on her sleeping yukata. All the while, she could sense a golden gaze following her every move, or at least two ears twitching to keep track of her.

As she was about to head back out to the main room, she was stopped by a flash of silver. A claw-tipped hand found its place back on her throat, but this time it forced her against a wall. Kagome had enough time to take in a deep gasp before reaching up to grip her assailant's wrist. Before she could take too many more breaths, his lips were on hers, seeming to continue the one he'd given her back in the village. It held the intent to claim and conquer, Kagome rewarding her husband with a very real whimper of need, "Inuyasha-"

She was cut off by him pulling away from her, though not moving his hand from her throat, followed by the sudden sound of cracking. Biting down on the claws of his index and middle finger, he spat them out on the ground before diving into what he'd planned. He didn't want to have to worry about being careful with her, not this time around.

Running his fingers between her thighs, he wasn't obstructed by the typical panties she still tended to wear - an old habit from her time. A smirk passed over his features, immediately greeted by the feel of her need, slick and practically dripping. Just that simple touch had her crying out in need, back arching against the wall as he began to circle her clit, "Mmm, what's this, wife? Needy are we?" he teased, finally able to get some revenge on her for tormenting him the whole day.

Kagome released another affirmative whimper, "Inuyasha, please..." she gasped before feeling him take his fingers from her, only to lick them clean with a low hum of satisfaction.

"Please what?" he asked, eyeing her as he gently squeezed on her throat, not enough to obstruct her airway, but enough to make her slightly lightheaded. With deep mahogany eyes rolling to the back of her head, she pushed her hips forward.

"I want-I need-" sentences became difficult to create, mind hazy from the lust that coated it, paired with her husband's hand on her throat.

Shaking his head, he released his hold on her, causing Kagome to take in a deep breath and release it with a slight cough. With some worry, Inuyasha leaned his head forward, resting their foreheads against one another as if to comfort her. In return, Kagome lifted her hands to his cheeks, as if to tell him she understood.

That fleeting moment of tenderness was over just as it began with Inuyasha pulling at the obi of her yukata, letting it fall open before he leaned forward to press wet, biting kisses to her neck and collarbone. Reaching below her thighs, he easily lifted her off the ground as if she were weightless, only to push her harder against the wall. Out of instinct, Kagome wrapped her arms around his neck, only to just realize that he wasn't wearing his haori or kosode. The warmth of his bare flesh almost seared her, making all of the experience just that much more intense.

"I'm gunna breed you," the low tone of her husband's voice entered her ears and sent a shiver down her spine. Before she could even get a hold of those words, he felt the wetness of his tongue lick a stripe up her throat, nipping at her jawline as he released one of her thighs. She barely noticed as he loosened his hakama, letting it fall to his mid thigh and releasing his achingly hard cock, thick and pulsing with need.

Gripping it, he pressed his head against her opening, guiding it just enough before he thrusted up and into her. It as seamless and easy, her pussy wet and waiting for him.

The sudden entry had Kagome almost scream in surprise and relief from the knowledge that she finally got what she wanted - what she had been aching for. Arching into him, Kagome let her head fall back and rest against the wall, realizing her husband was wasting no time with a slow build up. Each thrust was deep and hard, drawing deliciously desperate sounds from his wife - his mate. There were cries of euphoria, holding his name within them as he continued to pound into her, keeping her pinned against the wall.

"Inuyasha- oh, Kami, yes!" she whined, her voice sounding slightly strained before he hit a particularly sensitive spot within her, "Fuck!"

If he'd been in any other state of mind, he would have halted right then and there, having only ever heard his wife use that expletive once or twice in their time together. He tried to hit that spot again and seemed to do so, the grip of her nails digging into his shoulders giving him the indication. His head dug into the crook of her neck, allowing her to run her fingers through his hair and inch towards his ear.

Before she could grab one, the hanyou pulled his head away, glaring up at her with his teeth bared, "Don't you fuckin' dare," he warned. The viciousness behind it startled Kagome for a brief moment, though the sight of him being so dominant only brought her more excitement. Putting her hand back on his shoulder, she bit down on her lower lip, only to release another needy cry when he hit that spot within her once again.

She was careening closer and closer to the edge, a whimper leaving her before she managed to form the words, "I'm-uhn! I'm so close!" Just as she thought she would be falling over the edge, he pulled his cock from her completely, causing a desperate sob to leave her, devastated at the fact that he was just that cruel, "No! Inuyasha, please!" she begged, only to feel her being pulled from the wall and laid down on the futon, his body hovering over her.

Gripping her chin, he made sure their gazes met as he spoke, "You don't get to cum - not until I say," he snarled lowly, keeping his cock from her still - an opportunity to catch his own bearings. The last thing he wanted was to find his own climax too early, "Think of it as payback for teasing me all day."

Kagome's jaw hung open, practically writhing beneath him in protest as she tried to push her hips up against his own, "No - please. Kami, I'm so close, Inuy-aaah!" Before she could finish her sentence, he'd entered her again, moving to pin both of her hand above her head, held down by only one of his own as the other reached down to push her thigh up against her stomach in an attempt to get deeper within her.

He could see the way her body reacted to his thrusts, how her breasts bounced and her pussy clenched around him as she drew closer to her climax once again. Having seen her cum plenty of times throughout their year together, Inuyasha knew the telltale signs. She got quiet for a bit, as if her mind was trying to concentrate on nothing but the pleasure she would be feeling. When he noticed that start to happen, he pulled his cock from her once again, both of them panting heavily as Kagome gave another desperate sob, "You're cruel," she hiccupped, only to feel the crushing lips of her husband's on her own, as if trying to make her stop talking.

Ending the kiss with a bite to her lower lip, he released her wrists and straightened himself, pulling the leg he had pushed back up to rest on his shoulder. With that leverage, he could get deeper, beginning his thrusts once again, after he'd figured she'd had enough time to come down. Turning his head, he dragged his fangs over her calve, seeing her place a finger in her mouth as if to keep herself from getting too loud - as if she hadn't been practically screaming since they started.

She looked absolutely wrecked already, lips swollen and cheeks flushed; the look in her eyes made it seem like she was completely lost in their fucking. Hair was a mess, tousled over the futon and sticking to her neck as a sheet of sweat coated her body, "Fuck, Kagome" he hissed, "You're already looking wrecked." There was little fight left in her, he could tell - but he wasn't done with her yet.

The view from where she lay was enough to have her meet her end right then and there, watching as Inuyasha's strong, defined stomach and pelvis moved easily, flexing the marble-esque muscle beneath his tanned flesh. If she looked up father, the view of his amber eyes, filled with the desire to claim and ruin her as he promised, made her feel as if he were devouring her. Only she got to see him like this - no one else. Not even Kikyo got to have him like this and, deep in some miniscule part of her, she was smug about it.

Before long, he pulled from her again, having witnessed the beginning of her end once again; she felt like her heart was going to leap out of her chest or explode - one of the two - when he stopped them.

Putting her leg down, he maneuvered her so she was one her stomach, "On all fours, bitch. Time to breed you proper," he commanded, smacking the side of her ass as if to emphasize his command.

"I-I don't know if I can," it was meek whimper as she tried to bring herself onto all fours. The best she could do was bring her back half to its knees, ass up in the air; that was more than he needed. Gripping her hip, he held his cock in his free hand before guiding it back into her swollen, aching pussy. Again, he started his vicious rhythm, pulling he hips back onto him as he pounded into her again and again.

"Fuck, I'm so close," he groaned, the words slightly choked as he looked down to watch himself enter her again and again, "I'm gunna fill you until you can't hold anymore," he snarled, reaching one hand down to grip her hair at the base of her neck, only so he could bring her up onto her arms. The sounds that left her were almost incoherent, eyes rolling into the back of her head as her jaw hung open.

"Inu...yasha...please," she sounded almost defeated, "Please let me-"

The strength of his hand against her throat helped keep her up, his body leaning over hers - their height difference was enough for him to have his face hover over her own. Pressing a bruising kiss to her lips, he snarled at her, "Cum for me, wife." It was curt and simple, but it was enough to have Kagome's entire body tremor as her pussy clenched around his cock. A long, high-pitched cry, almost a scream, left her as she finally found her release.

It was only two thrusts later that the hanyou bottomed out within her, spilling his seed into her in ropes as he rested his head against the space between her shoulder blades. Deep, long groans left him, mixed with grunts and some snarls, thrusting his hips slightly before he felt himself go slightly limp.

He could hear the way she panted heavily, how her heart pounded in her chest and see just how boneless she'd become. Shivering a few times as he came down from the original wave of euphoria, he pulled from her. Rolling her onto her back, he crawled over top of her, cupping her cheek as he scanned her face. The gentle touch of her own hand on his reassured him, but he couldn't help but ask, "You okay?" Kagome could only giving him a smile and a nod in return, lung gasping for air as they both came down from their incredible highs.

Collapsing beside her, he rolled onto his back as well, trying to catch his breath, "I should tease you more often," he heard her say between heavy breaths. Turning his head towards her, he saw her do the same, their gaze meeting with a sense of electricity, even after such a vigorous fuck. A breathy laugh left him then, a sign of agreeance before he managed to grab one of her hands and press a kiss to the back of it.

"You're gunna be out of commission for a couple days, so maybe not too often," he teased, Kagome releasing a giggle of her own, breathy and tired.

"I don't think I could move, even if I wanted to," she admitted honestly, her husband getting the hint and grabbing the covers after kicking off his hakama completely.

Maneuvering them, he brought her back against his chest, spooning against her; with a gentle kiss pressed to her shoulder, he could already hear a string of faint snores coming from her, "That was fast..." he mused before smiling to himself. Resting his head against a pillow, he squeezed her close against him before finding his own path into slumber.

#inukag fic #inukag smut #inukag ship #inuyasha fic #inuyasha fanfiction #inukag fanfiction #inuyasha post canon

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trashyswitch · 4 years

Text

The Ghosts of His Past

Part 2 to: Don't Release The Spirits! Link

William develops a relationship with the 5 ghost kids he originally killed. They spend time together, play games, and comfort each other when they're down. But another ghost comes out from the shadows, and immediately contradicts everything William had built up...

There is implied child murder, discussions about child murder, and implied suicide. If any of these topics bother you, you can either click off or read at your own risk.

It is still unknown whether a person’s soul lingers with their physical body. So far, the kids’ circumstance has proven it doesn’t. William had realized that despite the kids’ bodies being taken and properly dealt with for their funerals, their souls were no longer linked to their bodies long after being killed. The only body that still really existed within the Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria building, was William’s body. But that was only because his body was hidden too well for them to find. No one could tell that there was a body in that suit, unless they looked at the blood or actually opened the suit head. But William was a little nervous for that day to come. What if his soul was still linked to his body? And if so, then what would happen if he could feel the suit head being pulled off of him?! The thought terrified him.

It terrified him so much that he would spend some time just floating in the storage room, staring at the suit with blood surrounding it.

Today was one of those days where William would do this. He would just stare...stare until he couldn’t stare anymore. Soon, another ghost came floating through the door. “Hi William.” someone greeted.

William knew exactly who it was. “Hi Cassidy.” William replied. Cassidy was the only ghost that hasn’t called him Dad yet. She preferred to go by ‘Uncle William’ or ‘William’, depending on her mood during the day.

“Staring at your body again?” Cassidy asked. William gave her a slight nod. “Why? It’s just gonna make you feel worse.” Cassidy told him. “We didn’t spend hours looking at our bodies. Sure, we didn’t get to see them very much. But we didn’t dedicate time to stare at our bodies like you do.” Cassidy told him.

William sighed and rubbed his forehead. “I know.” William replied. “I know it’s just gonna make my thoughts whirl again. But...I’m nervous.” William admitted.

“Nervous you’re gonna feel your unconscious body’s pain?” Cassidy asked.

William looked at Cassidy and nodded.

Cassidy floated over to the body and dug her hand into the suit. William widened his eyes. “What- HEY! DON’T!” William shouted, before tensing up for the pain that was gonna hit him.

...But…

Nothing happened. William opened one eye and opened both when he realized Cassidy was still digging around. There was nothing. No pain. “...Wait…” William muttered, confused.

Cassidy removed her ghost hand and turned around. “See?” Cassidy revealed, showing her hands.

But...there was one tiny problem: her hands weren’t bloody.

“Why aren’t they bloody?” William asked. “And...If you’re a ghost, are you even able to interfere with my physical body?” William asked.

To further prove William wrong, Cassidy dug into the suit again and ripped out some wires and...Oh god...Was that-

William widened his eyes in horror and disgust. But...she was right. He wasn’t experiencing pain. “...Wow.” William reacted, looking down at himself. Nothing of his ghost body had changed.

“Now do you see?” Cassidy asked, throwing the mixed handful of guts aside. “No pain, no worries.” Cassidy replied. Even as she ridded her hand of the guts, her ghost hands were not covered in blood. Only the guts themselves were slightly bloody.

Cassidy floated to William. “Now come: You have a family to come home to.” Cassidy encouraged, grabbing his hand and floating through the door together.

Even though William’s body was still technically connected to the springtrap suit, William was still capable of moving away from the suit and onto the stage whenever he pleased. This stage became William and the kids’ shelter during their time spent in purgatory. So, that’s where they headed. William and Cassidy flew themselves through the stage curtains and observed the cute scenes within the stage: The kids had made 2 separate forts out of the worn out pair of torn red curtains that had been previously discarded in the storage room. They had multiple dining room chairs set up to keep the curtains up, and had half-deflated balloons as pillows for their forts. They had also hung up party banners as the fort curtain entrances, and used the leftover party hats to make their forts look more castle-like on the top.

“Sir Gabriel! The Mighty Men have broken our entrance walls!” Fritz told Susie.

“Oh no! I will start repairs right away!” Susie declared.

“But your Majesty! You’re the queen! How will you repair the walls if I’m fighting?” Fritz asked.

Cassidy smiled and grabbed the toolbox hammer. “Worry not, Soldier Fritz! I, The handy girl, is here to fix your walls!” Cassidy declared.

“Hallelujah!” Fritz declared.

Susie pouted. “I wanna fix the wall! Being a queen is boring. You can’t do anything!” Susie whined.

“You can help me, if you want to.” Cassidy offered. “I’ll let you hold the hammer too.” Cassidy offered.

Susie gasped and held her hands out for the hammer. Cassidy handed the hammer to her, and watched as the hammer weighed Susie right down to the ground. The hammer was just too heavy for her ghost hands to carry.

This ended up being a hilarious thing for William to watch: he let out a short laugh in reaction. Suddenly, Susie looked at William! “DAD’S BACK!” Susie shouted, throwing the hammer to the side and floating quickly to William. Cassidy yelped in surprise and tensed up for the hammer to hit her on the chest…

...Only for the hammer to float right through her body.

Cassidy opened her eyes and observed the hammer that was floating below her footless bottom. “...Oh.” She reacted. She had managed to forget she was a ghost and couldn’t actually get injured by physical objects.

William lifted Susie up and hugged her happily. “Hello Susie! Having fun?” William asked.

“Yes! We’re playing a game where a girl kingdom and a boy kingdom are fighting to take over the other!” Susie explained.

William giggled. “Yeah? Who’s winning so far?” He asked.

“THE BOYS!’ Jeremy yelled, sitting on the ‘throne’.

Fritz and Gabriel were doing a sword fight with wooden sticks and were being cheered on by Susie and Jeremy. It didn’t take long for the kids to throw their sticks back to their forts and for the kids to start wrestling.

“YES! SHOW FRITZ WHO’S BOSS!” Jeremy shouted.

“KICK HIM IN THE CROTCH, FRITZ!” Susie yelled.

“I CAN’T KICK HIM IN THE CROTCH! HE FEELS NO- EEK!” Fritz shouted to Susie, before being shoved to the ground by Gabriel.

“A-HA! I’ve GOT YOU NOW!” Gabriel declared.

“Not for long!” Fritz declared, before reaching her arm up to tickle him.

“Nope!” Gabriel declared, pushing her arm down. Fritz reached her other arm up. “Not happening!” Gabriel declared again, pushing her other arm down. But that didn’t stop the girl from leaning forward and blowing a raspberry on his neck! “BWAAAAHAHAHAHA!” Gabriel let go and floated away quickly. But Fritz was already up and chasing him! “WAIT! NO! FRITZ! STOP IT! EEEK!” Gabriel shouted amidst his quick ‘running’.

“Wow! For a person who’s part of the man side, you sure scream like a girl. Maybe you should join us!” Fritz suggested.

“NO! NEVER! I AM A BIG BOY!” Gabriel argued.

Fritz soon caught up to him and pinned him down. “About as big as a school desk.” Fritz replied with a smirk as she wiggled her fingers at him.

“Hey! That’s mean! I’m taller than a desk!” Gabriel argued.

“Fine. How about this: As big as a teacher’s desk?” Fritz offered.

Gabriel thought for a moment, and slowly nodded. “Okay. I can see tha- YAAAHAHAHAHA! EEEHEHEHEHEHE! FRIHIHIHIHITZ!” Gabriel shouted, laughing hysterically as Fritz drilled near his hips.

“Yes soldier?” Fritz replied.

“STAHAHAP TIHIHIHICKLIHIHING MEHEHEHEHE!” Gabriel begged.

“Do you accept defeat? Do the girls win this war?” Fritz asked.

“IHIHIHI…” Gabriel replied, not really sure what to do.

“DON’T GIVE UP, GABRIEL!” Jeremy called to him. “YOU CAN DO IT!”

“KEEP TICKLING HIM, FRITZ! GO FOR HIS NECK AGAIN!” Susie cheered on.

William was just giggling to himself as he watched the whole thing. If only the world wars had been fought like this...There would’ve been next to no bodies to clean up.

“OHOHOKAHAHAHAY! IHIHI GIHIHIHIVE UHUHUP! GIHIHIHIRLS WIHIHIHIN!” Gabriel finally gave up.

“Awwww…” Jeremy whined.

“YES! GIRLS WON! WE WON! GIRLS RULE! BOYS DROOL!” Susie shouted, standing up from her throne and jumping around.

William smirked and walked up behind her. “Now you be careful what you’re saying, Susie bear…” William warned with a hint of playfulness in his voice.

Susie’s cheering quickly paused as she realized who was behind her. Susie turned around and looked up to William. “...Oops.” Was all Susie said.

“Come here you!” William declared before picking her up. Susie let out giggles and quickly bursted out laughing as William lightly squeezed her lower ribs and skittered his fingers all over her belly. “Tickatickatickatickatickatick- atickatickatickatickatick!” William teased super quickly.

“EEEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHA! DAHAHAHAD NOHOHOHOHO!” Susie laughed.

“Dad nooo? That’s cute. Looks like poor Susie should’ve thought about that before you said that boys drool.” William suggested.

“BOYS! THE TICKLE MONSTER HAS SUSIE! DOGGIE PIIIILLLLE!” Fritz shouted.

Suddenly, there was a war cry of 4 other kids floating up to him super quickly before kitty slapping him. Though it took Cassidy’s hand to get William onto the ground, the kids did manage to get William down so they could doggy pile him.

“Help! I’m being doggy piled! aaAAAAH! Hahahaha! Ahahand tihihickled! HAHAHAhahaha!” William fake yelled, quickly falling into giggles and laughter.

“TICKLE ATTACK!” Cassidy declared before tickling his ribs and sides.

William squealed and bursted out laughing almost immediately. The kids quickly joined in, tickling his armpits, his hips, his feet, and his neck. Fritz had started going for the abs as well, which ended up being the best choice she’s ever made. “HAHAHAHAHA! NOHOHO AHAHAHABS! NOHOHOHOHOHO AHAHAHAHABS!” William screamed.

“Oooh! A keypad!” Fritz declared. Fritz started poking and pressing roughly on the abs like a telephone keypad. “Beep beep beep, beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep!” Fritz teased. William threw his head back and bursted into cackles. Fritz made her hand into a phone symbol. “Hello? Oh HI! Is this the tickle monster?” Fritz teased, looking at William from the corner of her eye.

“STAHAHAHAP IHIHIHIT!” William begged.

“Perfect! He is here, and ripe for the tickling.” Fritz replied to the fake voice on the other line.

“COHOHOME OHOHON GUHUHUYS! IHIHIHI NEHEHEED AHA BREHEHEHEAK!” William begged.

Jeremy and Susie both bursted out laughing. “No you don’t! You’re a ghost just like us! You don’t need air!” Gabriel argued amidst his own laughing.

William looked at himself and realized: Yeah...he’s right. “BUHUHUHUT STIHIHIHILL! IHIHI’M GOHOHONNA GEHEHEHET YOHOU GUYS BAHAHAHACK!” William told them.

Susie giggled. “I know.” She replied.

Suddenly, Fritz started clawing and spidering her fingers all over William’s abs! “eeEEEEHEHEHEHEHE! HAHAHAHAHA! NOHOHOHO SPIHIHIDERIHIHIHIHIHING!” William pleaded.

“Is poor Papa afraid of spiders?” Fritz teased.

“AHAHAHA LIHIHIHITTLE.” William replied.

“Oh no!” Fritz reacted, looking at the other kids with a wink. “Guess we’d better get more spiders crawling around, then.” Fritz replied, wiggling her fingers like spiders to show the kids what to do.

William’s eyes widened in fear as he stared at the kids’ signalling. He knew EXACTLY what they were planning, and he knew he was gonna love it, AND hate it all at once. Suddenly, all 5 kids spidered their fingers all over William’s sides, belly, ribs, hips, armpits and neck. William was laughing and wiggling around absolutely everywhere! It was hilarious for the kids to see him wiggling around like a fish out of water, and even MORE hilarious watching him wave away the spiders that weren’t really spiders.

“Hmm? What’s going on?” a voice asked. The kids suddenly stopped their tickle attack and looked to their right:

There, rubbing their eye, was the ghost of a tiny girl with long brown hair, and a red wound on the right side of her right chest. The rest of the ghosts flew over to her.

“Hi Charlie!” Cassidy greeted.

“Sorry Charlie.” Susie immediately apologized.

William was still quite giggly from the tickle attack. He was holding himself in the fetal position and letting out the leftover giggles that were still in his lungs. He didn’t even realize there was another ghost on the stage.

Charlie smiled at the two forts. “I see you guys are having fun.” Charlie said to them.

“We were playing war kingdoms!” Jeremy declared.

“And the girls won!” Susie added.

Charlie giggled. “That’s great!” she said.

Soon, William finally calmed down enough to sit himself up. “Who’s he-” William paused his words when he realized just who he was looking at. She was completely familiar to him. He knew this ghost all to well. But...How did…

Charlie turned to look at William and widened her eyes as well. She backed up slightly gasped in fear. “Get behind me.” Charlie ordered the rest of the ghosts.

“It’s okay, Charlie. He’s-” Jeremy tried.

“Behind me. Now.” Charlie ordered again, glaring at Jeremy.

Jeremy, and the rest of the ghosts went behind Charlie before Charlie threw her arms out to the side to guard them from the murderer. “Uncle. William. Afton.” Charlie said slowly, her strong voice covering up the fear she felt. “Father to Elizabeth and Michael...Best friends with my Father...And Co-founder of Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza.” Charlie explained.

William snapped out of his thoughts. “I...Charlotte-”

“CHARLIE.” she shot back.

William backed up slightly in fear, and looked away for a moment. “Ch...Charlie.” He said, growing more and more afraid of her.

Charlie noticed this and lightened up her facial expression. “Afraid?” Charlie asked.

William nodded his head. “And confused. I killed you outside the building. Why would you cling to the building?” William asked.

“You think I had a choice?” Charlie asked. She looked at the music box and pointed to it. “My soul possessed one of your animatronics.” Charlie explained. “That kept my soul in the Pizzeria.” She explained. “These souls possessed your animatronics too.” Charlie explained.

She started pointing to the kids and stating which animatronic they became.

She pointed to Jeremy first. “Bonnie.” Charlie said.

She pointed to Gabriel. “Freddy Fazbear.” Charlie said.

She pointed to Susie. “Chica.” Charlie said.

She pointed to Fritz. “Foxy.” Charlie said.

She pointed to Cassidy. “Golden Freddy.” Charlie said.

And lastly, she pointed to herself. “Marionette.” Charlie said.

William’s eyes widened in horror.

Then, Charlie looked to the souls. “You guys were tickling him. Spending time with him. Treating him...like he didn’t end your lives.” Charlie reacted calmly.

William looked away.

Fritz stepped up. “He feels remorse for what he did.” Fritz told her. “He apologized for ending our lives. The reason why he did it was because he wanted his own family.” Fritz explained.

William tensed his face. Charlie frowned and looked at William. “You had your own family! What was wrong with the family you had?!” Charlie asked.

William looked away.

“And I still don’t understand why you killed me.” Charlie added.

Fritz’s eyes widened. “He killed you too?!” Fritz reacted.

“Yes. I was his first murder.” Charlie replied.

“...Oh.” Fritz replied.

“...Well, he’s dead now too.” Gabriel told her.

“How? And why here, surrounded by the ghosts of the children you killed?” Charlie asked.

William looked up a little, but still refused to look at her. “I springlocked myself.” He replied. “I triggered the springlock suit in the office, and...died.” William replied.

“Why?” Charlie asked. “Did you finally feel bad about all the crimes you committed? Did you feel like you couldn’t handle jail life?” Charlie asked.

William slightly smiled. “I ended my life because I had nothing else left to lose.” William replied. “My daughter is dead, my youngest is dead, and my wife is dead too. Michael is the only one living at this point. Living with the guilt of his family, and struggling to make his own life out of the rubble I left him in.” William explained.

Charlie lifted her eyebrows slightly. “And how in the world did all that occur? Hm?” Charlie asked.

William frowned and glared at her. “You don’t deserve to know.” William shot at her. “I want you to know that keeping your death nice and quick was a mercy move I purposefully made. Your murder could’ve been much more painful.” William told her.

Charlie’s eyes widened in surprise. Did...did he really just say that? “And how was a 3 year old supposed to know that the way you killed me, was ‘merciful’?! How would you feel if my father came up behind you with a knife and ended your life without a second thought?!” Charlie yelled.

William softened his expression a little and looked away. He knew Charlie would be hurt. He knew Charlie would be angry at him if they reunited. He knew this all along. But William didn’t know that Charlie had become one with the pizzeria. He never knew.

...Perhaps he should’ve...

#fluff and angst #ticklefic #switch!william #switch!children

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shinobirain24 · 3 years

Text

Cerberus

Weiss and Neptune had just got home from a mission together. Leaving their kids with Jupiter, Neptune's brother to babysit their youngest children, since their eldest son, Tide had been on a camping trip with some friends. "We're home!" Neptune called.

"Mommy, Daddy!" Tristina, the two-year-old, called along with her 4-year-old brother, Tristan. They ran to their parents and hugged them. "Did you miss us, my little snowflakes?" Weiss cooed. Picking up her daughter and plants a kiss on a cheek. And then, to her son.

"Yah!" Tristina cheered.

"How was your day with Uncle Jupiter?" Asked Neptune to his son. "We had so much fun! We went to the park and then took us to the zoo!" Tristan replied. "Really?"

"That's about right, bro." In front of them is Jupiter, Neptune's older brother. Since Winter had been busy to babysit the kids it comes to her futures as General. "Thanks for the help, bro." Neptune said.

"Thank you so much, Jupiter." Said Weiss.

"Hey, I wouldn't mind at all. Besides, it felt great to be with family again." Jupiter admits. Having been in a distance for a long time since the battle in Vacuo.

"And Uncle Jupiter got us a puppy." Tristan adds. Weiss and Neptune jolted in surprise. "A puppy? Didn't thought of it yet." Weiss said. Tristina nods. "Yeah?" Then they followed the kids as they showed them a supposed puppy. But it turned out to be a grown pitbull.

"Cerberus, hey boy!" Neptune cheered in delight to see his old pet in the Vasilias household. "You know this dog, Neptune?" Said Weiss. As Neptune strokes his dog. "Yeah, Pluto used to take care of him when I was a kid."

"Good thing, Cerberus is friendly to the kids. At least they had fun with him." Cerberus then takes.a closer look at Weiss, since he has yet to have known her. But then lifts his paw for a handshake, meaning he is taking a liking to her. "Aww, hello to you too." Weiss replied to give Cerberus a handshake.

Then the toddlers have ran close to Cerberus as he licks their faces as a sign of affection. "Doggy, doggy." Tristina giggles. While Tristan rides on his back. To which Cerberus doesn't mind since he now has a new best friend.

"Can we keep him, please?" Tristan pleaded as he wanted to be near Cerberus. Weiss has thought about it and her father never allowed pets in the mansion when she was a child. But decides to not become like her father and give her children a chance.

"What do you think, Darling?" Weiss asked Neptune. Of course he did not want to say no either. Since Cerberus was his best friend as a child. "I sure Pluto would've wanted this." They decided to keep Cerberus for the kids to be happy. "Yay!" The kids cheered as Cerberus is wagging his tail happily.

Later at the beach, Tide is playing fetch with Cerberus. "Come on, boy. Go get the stick." He said throwing the stick into the water and Cerberus runs after it, and grabs it with his mouth. But then noticing Tristina getting dragged away by the waves when she was on a floating inflatable. But Cerberus drags Tristina to safety before she gets flowed away. Then brought her back to shore.

"Tristie, I told you not to get go far, it's too dangerous." Weiss told her daughter as Tristan is standing behind her. As she picks her up and then turned to Cerberus. "Thank you, Cerberus. You are such a good boy." Weiss said petting his head.

#rwby #rwby fanfic #weiss schnee x neptune vasilias #rwby icy seas

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death-himself · 4 years

Text

Hidden in Shadows—Remus’s Story (pt. 2)

Summary: Remus gets a second child, because you know what the world needs? More eldritch abominations

Word Count: 1,139

Warnings: Body Horror

Part 1 (AO3 Link)

What the hell. If it were physically capable, the darkness would growl at its creation. How did two in a row manage to fail? Its monsters had never failed before, and the darkness lacked the energy and desire to make another!

It watched as its most recent monster—who had begun calling himself “Janus,” the disgusting thing—arrived at the front door of the home that human had been searching for. It watched as a human with glasses opened the door and, with much surprise and fear, welcomed the two in. Unbelievable, a second human had welcomed in his horrific monster.

One final attempt. Humans never trusted what they couldn’t understand. While that idea hadn’t necessarily worked with his second monster, why not kick it up a notch with his second? Three years of preparation. That was all the time the darkness was willing to spend.

“He’s really cuddly.” Emile spoke softly.

“I know, right?” Remus watched as Janus curled up with Emile on the sofa, hands woven into his shirt and mouth slightly open.

It had been no surprise that Emile had let Janus stay. What had been a surprise was Emile’s moms’ reactions. His mom had been there when the two arrived, took one look at Janus, heard his voice, and nodded as if she had adopted him herself. Emile’s mama on the other hand, arrived home from work, looked over at Janus, and stared down at the floor as she walked away with eyes the size of dinner plates.

Things had settled down since then, and with time the two mothers had proudly brought Janus in as their grandchild. Janus, Remus, and Emile were hanging out in the living room while Emile’s moms were at work. After Janus woke up from his nap Emile ran him through some addition and subtraction problems, as they would usually do at that time of day.

And that’s when a shadow creature fell from the ceiling and launched itself at Janus. Janus hissed and jumped away from the creature, who crashed into the sofa before quickly righting itself and preparing to attack again.

Remus chucked his phone at the creature, hitting it dead in the jaw. “Emile, snatch the bitch!” Emile jumped onto the creature, pinning it down with all his body weight. “I didn’t say doggy pile, but that works too!” Remus shouted as he jumped on top of the creature as well.

Janus growled at the creature, a claw out and ready to slice its throat open. “Woah, hey, let’s calm down for a second, okay kiddo?” Emile spoke quickly, grabbing his clawed hand. The creature under them screeched out something in an inhuman language. Remus blinked, before grinning maniacally and saying, “Aww, baby’s first inhuman screech!”

“Baby?” Emile looked over the creature with furrowed brows.

“Well if this guy is anything like Janus, it’s probably just a kid. Which means,” Remus turned excitedly to Janus, “guess who’s got a new sibling!” Janus huffed stubbornly.

“Can’t I just take his soul?”

“I don’t think he has a soul, bud. Nice try.”

“Dammit.”

The creature said something in that inhuman language, calmer than before, but clearly annoyed and upset. Black tears dripped from his pure black eyes as his talking turned to babbling the more upset he got.

“Hey, little guy,” Emile spoke softly, giving him a reassuring smile, “is it okay if we get off you? You won’t attack or anything?” The creature nodded his head frantically. The two got up quickly, watching the creature cautiously. He pouted up at them, his expression looking like a toddler who didn’t get what he wanted, but everything else about him seeming to oppose that.

Just like Janus, his body looked stretched and warped, making him maybe three feet tall instead of what was usually expected of a child whatever age he was. His body was covered with cuts bleeding a gooey black liquid, dripping all over the place. His jaw hung slightly, as if constantly slightly unhinged. His body was also hunched, and by the looks of it, his usual posture was made to walk on all fours.

He got up to an unsteady crouching position, watching them with uncertain eyes. “Are you okay?” Emile asked. The creature let out a sort of chirping sound. “Is that a yes or a no?” He nodded. “Well that’s good.”

Emile thought for a moment, looking the kid up and down. “How old are you? Could you hold up how many fingers you are old?” The kid hesitantly held up three fingers. Remus’s eyes widened.

“Holy fuck that’s a toddler.” The kid proceeded to growl and whine out a reply that must’ve been really insulting, considering how proud he looked after.

“I thought you said whatever created you had to wait five years for each of you?” Janus glared at the creature, still clearly uneasy.

“That’s what happened with me and the first one of us. It said it was to make sure we knew what we were supposed to do.” The creature grumbled something else out.

“So what do we do about this guy if we have no idea what the hell he’s saying?” Remus asked. Emile hummed to himself, looking the kid over.

“Well, he seems to understand English, so that’s a lucky start. If you want to take the longer, more thorough route, we could grab a dictionary and record him repeating every single word—”

“Oh fuck no.”

“—or we could just learn as we go.”

“Yeah, let’s do that.” Emile smiled, turning to the kid.

“Alrighty then! Heya kiddo, my name is Emile. Could you say that back to me?” The kid tilted his head, a slight pout still on his lips, and he hesitantly let out a small squeaky click. Emile clapped excitedly. “Very good kiddo!” He went in to hug the kid, who growled and backed away.

“Oh, sorry. Got a bit excited there.”

“I’m Remus, I’m your daddy now! Can you say my name?” The kid responded with a hiss, followed by a small click. Remus cackled excitedly.

And that’s when Emile’s mama walked through the door. She looked out into the living room, her eyes widening at the sight of the new child. She seemed to attempt to come up with something to say, before shaking her head and turning around, mumbling, “I’m too young to have two demonic grandkids.”

Interesting. A year later the darkness��s first creation was adopted by the uncle of this strange human. Perhaps having the ability to care for its monsters was a genetic defect that ran in their bloodline. Perhaps not. Either way, it didn’t really matter. The darkness had used up too much energy. It would strike later, but not in this uncle and cousin’s lifetime. It observed its third failure for a moment, before retreating to recharge.

#sanders sides #hidden in shadows #remus sanders #emile picani #remy sanders #janus sanders #monster!janus #monster!remy #kid!janus #kid!remy #body horror tw

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themalhambird · 5 years

Note

fic prompt: student AU: Richard's first time babysitting baby Hal?

Richard groans and swears under his breath as banging on the front door rouses him from his sleep. He’s only just drifted off, having spent the last forty-eight hours awake and on a coffee-fuelled painting spree. But the banging continues, so he climbs off his bed and stumbles down to the front door, rubbing his eyes before unlocking it.

“Richard,” Henry says, fist raised in mid-knock. “Can you have Hal for an hour?”

Richard blinks at him. “Anne’s gone to Prague,” he says slowly.

“What?” irritation flashes across Henry’s face. “I know Anne’s gone home for a bit, I don’t see-“ his eyes narrow. “Have you been drinking?”

“What? No.” Richard rubs his eyes again. “Look- come in,” he says, stepping back, and Henry steps over the threshold, though he doesn’t move any further down the hall. He’s got Hal in a baby carrier, fast asleep and all cute in his baby-grow, and Richard smiles down at him, fondly if a little absent mindedly. “What’s the matter?” he asks, looking back up at Henry, who-it dawns on Richard- is looking more than a little stressed.

“Can you please take Hal for an hour?” he demands again. “Mary’s in the middle of lectures and this fucking group project I’m meant to be doing- I’m late for a meeting as it is because no one bothered to ask me before they all agreed now would be more convenient-“

“But- Anne’s not here,” Richard says again, much more awake and suddenly panicking. “I can’t- Harry, you wouldn’t let me look after your goldfish when we were nine, I can’t look after your baby— “

“Of course you can!” Henry snaps. “He seems to like you more than he likes me anyway half the time just- an hour, at the most! All you have to do is keep him alive and in one peace so will you please just- “

“Fine, fine.” Henry’s yelling is giving Richard a headache, and Hal is stirring a little, tiny face screwing up in mild displeasure. “I’ll look after him.”

“Thank you!” Henry says, more annoyance than gratitude in his tone, but Richard can’t be bothered to pick him on it. He bends down and picks up Hal’s carrier instead, and Henry’s gone again before Richard’s even locked the door.

“Well alright then,” Richard says- somewhat bewildered- to Hal, who seems to be settling back down, rather than waking up, which is good, because Richard has no idea what to with an awake baby without other people’s supervision. “How about you come and have a little nap with Uncle Richard then, hm?”

He carries Hal upstairs, rescues him out of his carrier, and cuddles him against his chest as he lays back down on his bed. He doesn’t go back to sleep- he’s worried about accidently squishing his nephew/cousin-something-times-removed if he drifts off and rolls over, but it’s nice, to have the baby sleeping on him. Restful. He idly strokes Hal’s soft little patch of dark hair. “Aren’t you precious, hm?” he coos. “Precious little baby, all fast asleep…”

Twenty minutes later, Hal is crying.

He woke up on Richard’s chest and the unfamiliar room, and the absence of either his mum or his dad, clearly freaked him out so now he’s crying like the world is ending, and Richard is frantically dancing round the room and hugging him tight, hoping that the bouncing will calm him down like it sometimes does when Henry and Mary are around. “Please?” he says to Hal, grabbing his phone from his desk and firing off a quick text to Mary. Hal crying, what do I do??????

He flings the phone back down and moves his hand back to support Hal’s head. “C’mon Hal,” he says. “It’s uncle Richard, you like Uncle Richard…”

His phone buzzes. Richard grabs it again. Mary’s replied. why is Hal with u?

Harry at a meeting Richard sends back. Hal was napping and now crying

And then, a horrible thought occurring to him: is it food time??? i can’t feed him i don’t have breasts

“Please stop crying,” he begs Hal again, and then- lighting on something- reaches back and yanks first the butterfly clip and then the hair band out of his hair.

It falls around his face, tumbling over his shoulders in auburn waves, and Hal falls silent mid squawk, staring in fascination. Richard smiles tentatively. “You like Uncle Richard’s hair, don’t you?” he coaxes. “C’mon Hally. Remember how much fun you have-“ a little hand reaches up and grabs a fistful, yanking hard, “- pulling Uncle Richard’s hair?” Richard finishes with a wince, as his phone buzzes again, a reply from Mary lighting up the screen.

Shouldn’t be hungry yet I can leave class tho and come get him

Don’t worry, Richard texts back, eyes watering as Hal attempts to wrest his hair from his skull. Found a distraction. He swipes through to add a photo and takes a quick selfie to send through to Mary.

Mary replies with a quick x, and Richard elects not to distract her further. Instead, he casts about for a way to get Hal to relinquish his hold on Richard’s hair without bursting in to tears again. “You’re probably too small for paints,” he tells Hal. “Aren’t you? I don’t know, I don’t remember being a baby.” He steps over towards the bookshelves. “No picture books. Lots of books about pictures but I don’t think that’s the same thing.” He presses a kiss to Hal’s head, and Hal laughs and promptly smacks Richard’s cheek. He’s surprisingly forceful for something so little- though at least, temporarily, he’s let go of Richard’s hair. Richard shakes his head, trying to get his hair out of his face without having to loosen his grip on Hal. “…I have flour in the kitchen,” Richard says thoughtfully. “We could go and do some drawing in the flour?” Hal, of course, doesn’t have a clue what he’s saying, but he babbles in a manner Richard thinks sounds rather happy and decides to take that as agreement. He carries Hal back downstairs, and then stops rather abruptly at the foot of the stairs. He looks down at Hal. “…are you even old enough to draw?” he asks. “I don’t think you can clap yet, can you? What can you do with your hands?”

Hal reaches up and grabs at Richard’s hair again.

‘Apart from that.” Richard says. He carries Hal into the front room and sits down on the sofa, plonking Hal on his knee. He pulls a funny face, and Hal giggles. He pulls another funny face, and Hal giggles some more. “You’re supposed to engage with babies. Or something. According to the parenting books I filched off your dad when we’d only just found out that you were in your mummy’s tummy.” Richard says. He wishes he had a picture book. Or Anne. He’d like to play peek-a-boo, Hal likes that game, but Hal can only just sit up by himself and Richard is scared that if he puts Hal down, he might hurt himself. He could always go back into the carrier, but it seems a bit mean to trap him in that. “I could tell you a story,” he suggests. “How about that? Once upon a time, there was a village called…the village, and there weren’t any people in the village, it was just a village of doggies, and…”

By the time the doorbell rings around an hour later, Richard’s throat is dry and his voice is crackling, and Hal remains enthralled by the nonsense Richard is telling him despite the fact that Richard cannot recall anything about the story beyond the last few sentences he just told. Richard pauses and gets up to get the door, opening it to reveal a stressed looking Mary.

“I’m so sorry,” she says, coming in as Richard steps out of her way. Hal immediately leans out of Richard’s arms to reach for her and Mary takes him, cuddling him and giving him a kiss on the head. “Henry should’ve just told them he couldn’t come to the stupid meeting- he sent me a message to let me know you had Hal about ten minutes after you did—”

“It’s alright, Mary, I don’t mind. Hal’s a darling.” Richard assures her, as the darling in question reaches up to try and pull his mother’s hair out of its bun.

“Still.”

“Do you want a cup of tea?” Richard asks, because Mary looks like she needs one.

“Yes please,” she replies, and follows Richard into the kitchen. “Are you alright? You look done in- and you’re in your pyjamas, were you sleeping before—?” Richard glances down at himself, surprised. He had forgotten that he’d changed.

“I, ah, may have pulled a couple of all-nighters,” he says. “Anne hasn’t been here I haven’t really been sleeping, and I had some work I got into the swing of doing.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll take Hal home now- “

“There’s no need to rush, I liked having him.” Richard yawns behind his hand and opens three wrong cupboards before finding the teabags. “You know Anne and I said we were happy to babysit, and we meant it. I mean, a little more warning next time, but Hal and I were good, weren’t we Hal?”

Hal babbles. Mary smiles. Richard makes tea, and Mary sits Hal back down in his carrier so that they can drink it together.

Richard is fast asleep on the sofa before either of them have finished a cup.

#my fic #the plantagenet student au #Richard 2 #bb Hal #Henry IV

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poetatertot · 5 years

Text

It’s Not So Bad (In LA): part three

The thing about living with the person you’re avoiding is that there’s no way to avoid them.

Jiang Cheng makes it exactly fifteen hours before Wei Wuxian is in his space again. He does his best to ignore him, but Wei Wuxian isn’t someone you can just ignore. He exists in a perpetual state of noise.

Like a goose, Jiang Cheng thinks, watching him squawk and drop the remote.

“Jiang Cheng, can you get that?”

He looks back at his computer. “No.”

“But it’s closer to you.”

“And you have arms. Use them.”

Wei Wuxian sighs loudly. Jiang Cheng watches him roll off the couch like an undignified slug and wriggle his way towards the remote.

The bridge, a-Cheng. Mend the bridge.

“You know,” he says, testing the waters. God, is he going to regret this? “I might.. Um.”

Wei Wuxian peers up at him from the carpet.

“Lan Xichen,” he tries again. His voice is already sticking in his throat. “He’s very..”

“Handsome?” Wei Wuxian supplies. “Dashing? Eye-meltingly gorgeous?”

Jiang Cheng’s face burns. “Shut up.”

Wei Wuxian sits up so fast he nearly collides with the coffee table. “Oh my God,” he breathes, crawling up onto Jiang Cheng’s chair. “Don’t tell me! You want my help after all? Is this real?”

“Get off of me!” Jiang Cheng smacks at him. “Your breath stinks like shrimp chips!”

“My baby brother is finally coming to me for love advice!” Wei Wuxian cackles gleefully. “Ling-er? Ling-er! Call the press, your uncle—”

Jiang Cheng slaps a hand over his mouth. “Would it kill you not to be annoying for five minutes?”

“Yes,” Wei Wuxian mumbles behind his palm, and then licks him.

“Forget it!” Jiang Cheng tries shoving his brother off, but Wei Wuxian is an octopus coming in for the kill. He’s holding onto Jiang Cheng tight enough to cut off blood supply. “You’re obnoxious—I don’t even know why I bother!”

“Because you looove mee,” Wei Wuxian sings, grin splitting wide. “I’m your favoritest brother in the whole wide world!”

Jiang Cheng glares at him. “You’re my only brother.”

“I know!”

Wei Wuxian’s laughter rings out around them as Jiang Cheng settles back into the cushions. If he’s not going to move, they might as well get comfortable. Squirming only makes Wei Wuxian more insufferable.

Annoying. But then, wasn’t he always?

Silence settles between them. Jiang Cheng can feel Wei Wuxian’s eyes on him as he surfs the web for a second-hand car stereo, but he won’t break the peace. Cold as he might be, he doesn’t like the distance arguments bring—the awkwardness, the walking on eggshells. It doesn’t suit them.

Wei Wuxian is all he has left, after all.

“I didn’t mean to push,” Wei Wuxian murmurs after a while. They’re both examining a promising model on eBay. “I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy,” Jiang Cheng replies. And he technically is. He has a roof over his head. He has a strong nephew with a promising future. He has a job, and a car that mostly works.

“But you could be happier,” Wei Wuxian says, reading his mind. “It shouldn’t always be about surviving paycheck to paycheck. I..” He bites his lip. “I want you to live.”

It hurts. It fucking hurts, needling down into Jiang Cheng’s insecurities and jabbing furiously. Because he isn’t living, is he? This life they share—working, eating, sleeping, Jin Ling’s schedule fit into the cracks—is something, but it isn’t what Jiang Cheng had hoped for. It isn’t what either of them had hoped for.

It takes every ounce of strength to quell his pride. He can’t even look at Wei Wuxian.

“I don’t know how,” he admits. How to move on. How to become the After instead of the Before. How to mend the gaping, infected wound in his heart that’s persisted for so many years.

“Then let me help you,” Wei Wuxian says.

And really, what else can Jiang Cheng do but say yes?

☁️

The plan is simple.

“You didn’t need to come with me.” Jiang Cheng sets Zidian into park, ignoring her wheezing. “I could have done this alone.”

“And chicken out at the last second?” Wei Wuxian snorts and turns around. “Come on, Ling-er. It’s time to get your uncle a date.” Jin Ling salutes from the back seat.

The family meeting they’d had the night before was embarrassing, to say the least. Jin Ling pulled out his poster paper and markers. Wei Wuxian got them meeting snacks. Jiang Cheng had to sit in the armchair—or, as Wei Wuxian renamed it, The Hot Seat.

“So what do we know so far?” Wei Wuxian tapped his marker on his lip. “Any takers?”

Jin Ling raised his hand. “Coach smiles at him a lot.”

Jiang Cheng flushes. “He smiles at everyone! And—why are you helping with this?”

The look Jin Ling gives him is a little too much like Wei Wuxian’s. They really need to stop hanging out alone together.

“Okay, okay.” Wei Wuxian writes down open to approach. “What else? Oh, I know! He seems like he’d be too polite to turn down a date. That has to count for something, right?”

“Wei Wuxian,” Jiang Cheng grits. “I don’t want to corner him!”

“Nonsense. It doesn’t count as cornering if he wants to go!” Wei Wuxian writes down another point. “And.. let’s see. He asked about you when I picked Ling-er up—”

“He did? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I didn’t think anything of it!” Wei Wuxian huffs. “Stop interrupting! You’re not even helping.”

Jiang Cheng sits back, thoughts swirling. “What.. what did he say?”

“I forgot.”

“Wei Wuxian!”

“When can we be done?” Jin Ling asks. “I want to go play with my Legos.”

After a bout of arguing, they move on to approach. Whatever that means.

“Wear that purple shirt I bought you last Christmas,” Wei Wuxian says. “When you ask him. It goes really well with your complexion.”

“And the doggy socks!” Jin Ling chips in.

Purple shirt. Doggy socks. Wei Wuxian stands back looking satisfied—and frowns. “Oh, wait.” He adds another point: Wear extra deodorant.

“Are you saying I smell?”

“I’m saying you’re a hormonal guy!” Wei Wuxian ducks under a thrown pillow. “You get sweaty! It’s a known fact—back me up, Ling-er!”

“It’s true,” Jiang Cheng’s nephew nods. The traitor. “He got all sweaty just looking at Coach.”

Jiang Cheng sinks into the cushions. “You guys are awful.”

But here they are anyway. Thursday morning, packed in Zidian like they’re on a family mission. Jiang Cheng even wore the doggy socks.

“Wait, no,” Wei Wuxian says. “Take a deep breath. You look like you’re going to pass out.”

Jiang Cheng feels like he’s going to pass out. “Is this even appropriate? I mean—he’s a-Ling’s coach!”

“And you’re a handsome guy who’s going to miss his shot after tomorrow! Come on, a-Cheng. Don’t fail me now!” Wei Wuxian explodes out of the car before Jiang Cheng can strangle him. “Ling-er! Grab your backpack!”

They shuffle through the front doors in a pack: Jin Ling at the front, Jiang Cheng in the middle, Wei Wuxian at the back. Jiang Cheng suspects this is so he can’t escape into the bathroom. Not that he would do that. Would he?

Oh god, he thinks. I have to pee.

“Good morning!” Mianmian chirps. Her eyes flit over them. “Oh, the whole crew! How sweet.”

“Good morning Mianmian,” Wei Wuxian sings, because he has no shame. “Your nails are looking lovely today.”

“And so are you!” She winks. “8-12’s are out on the blacktop today. Do you have any questions?”

Wei Wuxian leans in. “Yes, actually. You said Lan Xichen’s been working here for years, correct? Just how long would that be?”

Mianmian taps her pen to one cheek. “Oh, let’s see. He started taking on summer camps while he was still in college, I think? It was three years before I was hired, so that makes it six years now? Yes! Six years.” She smiles. “You can really tell he’s a schoolteacher, watching him work. The kids just love him.”

A strangled noise rips out of Jiang Cheng’s throat. A schoolteacher? The image of Lan Xichen in a sweater vest and tie pops into his brain. What must he look like standing at the board? Grading tests at his desk with his hair falling around him? Rolling up his sleeves to—wait.

Wei Wuxian slides him a little smirk. Jiang Cheng doesn’t want to know what kind of expression he’s wearing right now. “I see. Thanks, Mianmian.”

They make the torturous walk down the hall. Jiang Cheng’s never been so damn sweaty staring at macaroni art in his life. Is this what hell is like?

Wei Wuxian practically kicks the doors open. “Lan Xichen! We’re here!”

I’ll kill him, Jiang Cheng decides. I’ll kill him and then drive Zidian into oncoming traffic.

Coach Lan Xichen has never looked so good. Or has he? Jiang Cheng doesn’t know. He’s the most gorgeous man on Earth as far as Jiang Cheng is concerned, especially in those skinny jeans and that soft blue polo that brings out his eyes, and—is that a headband?

Jiang Cheng really needs to pee.

“I can’t do this,” he hisses frantically in Wei Wuxian’s ear. Jin Ling is already bounding across the blacktop to hug Lan Xichen’s leg. “This is crazy.”

“No, you’re crazy for throwing your chance away!” Wei Wuxian snipes back. “Here we go!”

“No, wait—”

“Lan Xichen!” Wei Wuxian calls. He walks right up, all white teeth and messy hair, and slings his arm around Lan Xichen’s shoulder. Jiang Cheng wants to bury himself alive. “Do you have any plans this evening?”

Lan Xichen, to his credit, doesn’t flinch away. He does give Wei Wuxian a bemused smile like he’s questioning his sanity. “I spend my evenings walking my dog and making dinner. So, yes, if that counts?”

“Wow, Jiang Cheng! Did you hear that? He has a dog!”

Jiang Cheng can’t take it anymore. He runs up, yanking on Wei Wuxian’s other arm. “I’m so sorry,” he manages, tugging furiously. “He’s adopted, I swear.”

Lan Xichen actually laughs. Jiang Cheng’s legs promptly turn to jelly. “It’s not a problem,” he says, smiling. “Do you like dogs too?”

Jiang Cheng nods dumbly. “I—yes. Little dogs. Big dogs. They’re amazing.” Oh god, somebody shut him up.

“Can he come and see yours?” Wei Wuxian butts in. “You know. For dog purposes?”

“What?” Lan Xichen asks.

“What he means—” Jiang Cheng pinches Wei Wuxian’s forearm until he squeaks and jerks away— “is that. Um. Can I..”

I can’t do this.

“Can you..?” Lan Xichen echoes, nodding. He’s so undyingly patient. Jiang Cheng could kiss him.

Do not think about kissing him!

“What I mean is. Um. If you want. Would you..” Jiang Cheng sucks in a shallow breath. “Wouldyouliketogogetcoffeeafterthis.”

Lan Xichen blinks once. Twice. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t catch that. Could you..?”

Forget jelly, Jiang Cheng’s legs are going to disintegrate entirely. Why didn’t he just go to the bathroom?!

“Coffee!” he blurts. “I want to take you to get coffee!”

Silence.

Lan Xichen stares open mouthed. Wei Wuxian looks positively gleeful, all raised eyebrows and poorly-covered giggles. The kids already on the blacktop are all looking over. Jin Ling has his face in his hands.

This is it. Jiang Cheng is going to pack his bags and move to Canada, or maybe Newfoundland, some place where nobody can ever find him ever again, because if he has to take one more second of this he’s going to—

“Alright.”

Jiang Cheng’s internal screaming cuts off. “What?”

Lan Xichen smiles, then: soft, that dangerous dimple appearing, eyes crinkling into two crescent moons. His cheeks are pink and it’s such a nice contrast from the blue shirt that Jiang Cheng is almost distracted by what he’s saying.

“I’ll have coffee with you—although, is it alright that I order tea? I fear coffee and I don’t mix well.”

Lan Xichen could order a pint of vomit and Jiang Cheng would be over the moon. “Yes,” he squeaks. “That’s—um. That’s fine.”

“Excellent.” And then Lan Xichen smiles again, wide and bright like that first day they’d met, and Jiang Cheng is so far gone he’s practically on Saturn. “I’m afraid I have to get back to the kids now, but perhaps we could discuss this over text..?”

Text. Text.

Jiang Cheng pats his pants frantically before realizing it’s tucked into his shirt pocket. “Uh. Here.” He nearly drops it in his haste to pass it over. “You can put your number in as a new contact.”

There’s a moment of suspended reality where Jiang Cheng is watching Lan Xichen use his shitty purple keyboard phone and Wei Wuxian is watching Jiang Cheng have a mental breakdown. Then Lan Xichen is passing his phone back, smiling, and Jiang Cheng really needs to pee, but he’d rather piss himself than break this moment.

“There,” Lan Xichen says. “I’ll be expecting your call.” He nods at Jiang Cheng and then Wei Wuxian, dimple popping. “Have a good day Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian.”

“See you later!” Wei Wuxian chirps with a wink. It’s all Jiang Cheng can do to wave.

They make it through the hallway, out the door, and into Zidian before Jiang Cheng finally realizes he has lungs and needs to breathe. He exhales shakily.

Wei Wuxian beams from the passenger seat. “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?” He flicks on the radio. It’s still staticy and terrible—the new radio doesn’t come for another few days—but soft vocals warble out above the mess, determined to shine through. He begins singing along.

Jiang Cheng smiles into the rearview mirror as he backs out. There’s no need to worry, Jiejie, he decides. Maybe everything is going to be okay.

Wei Wuxian is melodic in a way that once made Jiang Cheng jealous. Now, he can’t help but join in. He has a reason to sing again: a real-life, honest-to-god date with Lan Xichen.

The clouds are burning away to bare blue sky. The trees are all in permanent bloom, green leaves and bright buds in the lazy summer breeze. The world is warm, waiting for Jiang Cheng to join it, and god is he ready to.

It really isn’t so bad in LA, he thinks, and drives home to plan for his date.

Thank you so much for reading! I’ve combined and edited all three parts and added an extra scene (yes, the actual date) on AO3. You can find the linking post here.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #jiang cheng #lan xichen #xicheng #mdzs fic #potato writes

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aceofspadegrass · 3 years

Note

Can you like,write a crack for the AIB cast?? Or maybe: Shuntaro,Dori,and Tao are all busy with their work. Leaving their dogs lonely without any attention(Merry,Misao, and fanta) so they all thought that it's great to leave their dogs with Nijiro/dog-sitting by Nijiro. And now it's all up to you on what Nijiro is going to do with the dogs before their owners come home,which he would struggle cause he doesn't know how to take care of dogs and just read a book that is titled: "how to take care of dogs 101"

Doggy Daycare

Characters: Murakami Nijiro, Sakurada Dori, Tsuchiya Tao (Briefly), and Yanagi Shuntaro (Also briefly)

Genre: Fluff. Nijiro dog sitting the doggy trio. :D

2.2k words

A non AIB fic, how fancy of me. I hope I did it justice. And correctly placed the dogs genders solely on their name. Sakurada really did just dump three dogs on the child and dipped-

There was a knock at his door. Strange, seeing as he wasn’t expecting visitors. Nijiro gets up from his couch and heads towards the door, peeking through the electronic monitor that showed whom was outside his door.

He smiles a little as he sees a familiar face, one that he saw a few months ago from set and on occasional events afterwards, Nijiro opening the door to Dori Sakurada’s smiling face. Besides him was his dog, Fanta politely sitting down on the ground.

“ Hi! Did you need something?” Nijiro asks, Dori nodding with a bit of a nervous smile.

“ Yes! I hope I wasn’t interrupting you, but can I ask you a small favour, please?” Sakurada continues to nervously smile, fidgeting a little, Nijiro nodding. He offers Sakurada to take a seat, but he declines, glancing away. “ No, I need to go soon, I have a shoot to attend in a little bit. I was hoping if you could watch over Fanta, Merry, and Misao for a little bit? Tsuchiya and Yanagi didn’t want to leave their dogs at home either, and thought they might use some company!” Nijiro smiles, internally very confused and hoping a little that he didn’t have to take care of a close friend’s dog, let alone three, but he had to at least be respectful. He bows a little to Sakurada. “ I’ll try my best!”

Ah, why did he say that. He internally cringes and looks up, but Sakurada’s relieved face made him feel a little obligated now, and Sakurada thanks him profusely before gently ushering Fanta into the home of Nijiro, Fanta happily trotting himself inside. Not long after, two more dogs come in, one a small white pooch and the other a darker brown dog than Fanta was, and much more curlier.

“ Thanks again Murakami! I’ll make it up to you later, I promise!” Dori yells as he quickly leaves, Nijiro waving him goodbye until he was well out of sight. He sighs and shuts the door, turning around to stare at the three new additions he suddenly obtained.

“ Oh boy. Uhhh- Hi-“ Nijiro starts, Fanta casually padding around the place. Merry was already gone, Misao already trying to climb up furniture. It’s gonna be a long day. Nijiro comes over to the small poodle and scoops her up, Misao yipping in surprise and wriggling. He doesn’t hold her for long as he sits back down on the couch, Misao now on his lap. She seemed comfortable there, resting her body upon his legs as he scans the room for the other two dogs. Fanta was still idly investigating, sniffing at the odd thing or two but otherwise not causing any trouble. Merry was a different story, the dog completely disappeared from sight. It was actually a little concerning how fast the dog actually disappeared, Nijiro frowning a little.

“ Merry? Merry, where did you go-“ Nijiro calls out, and lo and behold Merry comes out from the hall, carrying a small bottle of shampoo. Nijiro blinks, Merry happily dropping the bottle at his feet, tail wagging. Nijiro picks it up, Merry barking and spinning once before settling her sights on the bottle.

“ What is it? Do… do you want me to throw this? This isn’t a toy-“ Nijiro lightly shakes the bottle, but apparently that simply grabs the attention of Misao, the other dog yipping in excitement and trying (and failing) to grab the bottle in her tiny mouth. Nijiro holds the bottle even higher, a little relieved that both dogs were much too small to really topple him or reach the bottle.

Still, he doesn’t know how Dori or even the others expected him to take for of three dogs when he doesn’t even live with one. He didn’t even have any dog food for them. Now that he thought about it…. did the dogs have a schedule to eat? He’d assume so. Maybe they ate about the same as most people began to eat.

The longer he thought about it, the more he realized he doesn’t know how to properly dogsit these dogs. He couldn’t disappoint Sakurada, even if he was a nice dude. He stands up, Misao hopping off his lap with a short confused yelp as the man heads to his room to search it up.

The dogs all follow him, by the way, Nijiro finding that out as he sat at his desk and heard soft tapping behind him, as well as one warm body bumping up against his leg. It was followed by a bark, Nijiro looking down to see Merry staring at him, and then stepping all over his feet and then off again. A bit more to his left was Fanta, who was at least laying down and not causing much of a fuss unlike Merry looking around the underside of his desk like a little mole. Misao was behind him, the sound of her little paws tapping against the ground audible. He sighs, and logs in, opening up a tab to search up how to take care of a dog.

Like a normal person, he simply just types in ‘ how to take care of dog’ and hits enter, the internet pulling up sites that held gold mines of information, Nijiro clicking the first link.

Time to become a good dog uncle.

The dogs, meanwhile, all at least mind their own business, each one minding Nijiro being busy and mostly content with playing with each other instead, chasing each other and playfully wrestling, light yips and growls thrown around. Occasionally they would seek Nijiro’s attention, Nijiro reaching down to give them a hearty little head pat before delving back into his research in how to care for the dogs.

It was near lunch when he deemed himself at least mildly capable of watching three little dogs without many dog supplies anyone would expect to need. He gets up after logging off, and looks down at the dogs still there, Fanta barking at him and demanding pats. Nijiro bends down and pets the one dog, which summons the other two like ghosts, Nijiro petting the others as well. Fanta even rolled over for belly paps, Nijiro smiling a little.

“ Let’s get you some food, all of you.” He gets up and leaves, his little puppy parade right behind him. Nijiro gets to the kitchen and rummages around until he finds something: A can of sausages. He takes it out, the dogs getting louder and barking in excitement. Nijiro whips around and lightly glares at them, hushing the dogs. It was like magic, the three quieting down almost instantly, save from one light bark from Misao. He turns back around and peels open the can, and there sound of tails swooping across the ground make him laugh a little. He dumps the sausages onto a plate and pops it into the microwave for a little bit to heat up, turning back to the dogs.

He was greeted with a rather cute scene, the three dogs sitting down and staring up at him with their combined puppy eyes. They were patiently waiting for their food, Misao’s tongue even out as the tiny dog panted. It was really cute, Nijiro smiling a little bigger.

“ Just a bit longer, okay?” Nijiro promises them, and they all visibly get a little more excited about the prospects of mealtime. The microwave beeps, and the dogs get set off again, barking and going wild for sausages they barely even had. It was loud, Nijiro having so shush them once more before taking the sausage out of the microwave. He checks to make sure they weren’t too hot before setting the dish on the ground. He could wash it later, so he wasn’t that grossed as the three dogs went ham on the sausages, nomming away on the sole plate housing their meaty meal.

He figured they needed water just like every other living being, so he grabs a bowl to fill. He was nearly about to grab a cup, but then he realized that giving a cup to a dog, let alone three, was a really bad plan.

So bowl it was. He kind of forgot about the fact that he had three dogs with him, so he places the small bowl of water on the ground, only for said bowl to get knocked over by both Misao and Merry trying to get a drink and toppling it over, spilling water everywhere.

“ Hey! Bad dogs!” Nijiro scolds, the dogs whining and scampering away. Even Fanta made a noise of trouble, despite having not even touched the bowl once. Nijiro huffs and goes to grab a towel, kneeling down to wipe away the water. He softens the moment he sees Merry and Misao look at him with this dark puppy eyes, Nijiro sighing and holding his arms out. “ Okay, okay, I’m sorry I got mad. Here, make up hug?” The dogs bark, all eager for attention, all wobbling their little selves into his arms, Nijiro laughing a little as their tongues all brush up against him in happiness.

“ Ah! I’m under attack!” He yelps with a grin, falling backwards as three dogs all bombard him, licking and wiggling in happiness. They only get off after they get their fill, which to Nijiro felt like forever, the man sitting up and wiping away dog saliva off him. He’ll need to wipe it down, but right now he still needed to water the dogs.

This time with a bigger bowl.

He fills a new bowl with water, this one much more bigger and more suitable. Nijiro sets it down, and Merry and Misao have a go at it again, now no longer fighting as badly and getting their slurps in. Even Fanta comes for a drink, the three dogs content with sharing amongst each other. Nijiro took the time to clean himself from where the dogs got him, humming to himself a random tune.

The dogs all finish, and that only gets them ready for play time, as the dogs surround him like some off-brand dog cult, pawing and jumping at his legs. Nijiro tried to push them off and keep all four paws on the ground, but to no avail, even as he picks up the empty food plate and drops it in the sink, quickly rinsing it down to get rid of the fresh germs before he’d ever get to it later to clean properly. The dogs continued to whine until Nijiro got back to the living room area and sat down on the ground, the dogs now vying for a spot in the spot on his lap, excited to be with him. He was getting a tad overwhelmed, but he didn’t mind the little hint of warmth that overcame his heart as three bundles of affection tried to give it to him. He lays back, the dogs all trampling over him and happily finding their spot on top before settling, happy now to just lay on him despite all the hullabaloo to play.

He chuckles as they get comfortable, Nijiro moving his hand up to pet the dogs in an equal measure. He’d feel a little bad otherwise if he ignored one over the other.

The man didn’t even know how long he even laid there, but soon enough there is another knock at his door, alerting all the dogs into rushing up to the front door out of curiosity of who was behind said door. Nijiro was the last to get up, and he shuffles to the door, the sun in a much lower position than he remembered, Nijiro blinking in confusion as Sakurada smiles at him, Fanta eagerly coming up to his owner and pawing at his pant leg.

“ Ah, thank you for watching over them for a bit Murakami! They weren’t too much for you, were they?” Sakurada bends down to pet his dog, Fanta barking happily with tail wagging. Nijiro merely smiles, waving it off. Merry and Misao run out as well, past Sakurada and to two figures standing by the car towards the streets, Nijiro recognizing them as Yanagi and Tsuchiya, their dogs obviously excited to see them.

Sakurada straightens back to his full height, only leaving Nijiro to have to look upwards to keep eye contact, Sakurada smiling at him. “ Thanks so much, I swear I’ll pay you back for this, okay? Maybe a really nice bottle of strawberry milk!” “ Yeah yeah, whatever. Just…. maybe next time could we do this at your house? Suddenly dropping them off here didn’t give me much options-" “ Brilliant idea! Hey, maybe you can be our friendly dog sitter when we can’t leave a hire for it? Our dogs obviously seem to like your company!" “ Well, maybe not everyday, but sounds like a nice idea.” Nijiro tells him. To be perfectly honest, he was still a little unsure, but the dogs were fairly simple, so maybe it wouldn’t be that bad to continue, right? Right.

Sakurada smiles and nods in confirmation. Nijiro waves as Sakurada leaves his front door and comes back to the other two, both of which give Nijiro a brief wave and nod of acknowledgement before they, along with their dogs, all hop into the car and nyoom off.

Nijiro shuts his door, leaning against it with a sigh. “ Good golly is watching over dogs that much? I thought I’d be buried!”

#not alice in borderland #sakurada dori #murakami nijiro #yanagi shuntaro #tsuchiya tao #at least their dogs behave #even if they do want to play fetch with shampoo #nijiro has no idea what he's doing he's just existing in the same zone as them #ask

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mirkwoodshewolf · 5 years

Text

Retrieved you a future boyfriend, husband and family; John Deacon x reader

*Author’s note*

Hey guys well I’ve seen this prompt in various forms of when there’s a doggy matchmaker but what about seeing it through the dog’s perspective? Based off the very sad movie “A Dog’s purpose” (I also did a Poe Dameron fic kinda similar to this) so I hope everyone enjoys this fic but BE PREPARED FOR THE SADNESS TOWARDS THE END. But until then I give you guys intense fluff and goodness. Also pic does NOT belong to me credit goes to the owner and just seeing these pics with Deacy and the dog also helped inspire this fic.

Taglist:

@psychosupernatural

__________________________________________________________

*Aug. 1975 Ridge Farm studios*

It started off like any other day. I woke up to the sound of the rooster’s crow and stretched myself out letting out a loud yawn. I then walked up the bed and whimpered as I pawed at my mum to get up. That’s my mum, (y/n). Her and her parents own this lovely recording studio that they call Ridge Farm studios, my name’s Amber and I’m a golden retriever.

She soon stirred and woke up, my tail wagged as I let out a bark and she soon shot up and removed that strange mask that was over her eyes before she saw me.

“Oh, good morning Amber.” She said as she rubbed my neck and brought me close. I loved my mum so much, she rescued me from the orphanage and picked me out of my entire litter of 9 brothers and sisters. I had thought that I’d never get a new home but when (y/n) came along, she immediately picked me up and took me home, and so for the past 2 years, this has been my home.

It’s a privilege and a great experience being on a farm. You get wide open spaces, fresh air, plenty of new things to explore, and so many different animals to bother and play with. And with mum, she makes it all the more fun and special.

I waited for her to finish getting herself cleaned up and changing into her new fur patterns (clothes) and we went downstairs to see her parents running around cleaning the place. Lately all three of them I’ve noticed have been running around like the chickens I sometimes chase outside cleaning and pushing me off the couches, forbidding me from sitting on my thrones.

“Oh (y/n) thank god you’re up. Listen can you please run to the market and pick up a few things? I forgot to make a store run yesterday due to getting the studio all prepared for the boys.”

“No problem mum, what time did they say they would be here?”

“Well your uncle Shaun said they’d be here by around 2, maybe 3.” Her father answered.

“Okay well I’ll try to be back as fast as I can, c’mon Amber.” Yeah car ride! I love going on car rides! I raced out and jumped up against the car barking happily as my tail wagged. “Amber down!” I listened to her and she opened the door and I immediately jumped right in and she closed the door behind me.

She got into the driver seat and the car soon started and as soon as we drove out away from the house, I stuck my head out of the window to feel the rush of the wind blow through my fur. Ohh that always felt nice, I sometimes wish mum would do it with me, it’s always so nice to feel the wing through your fur and the flies in your teeth, yum.

We soon reached the marketplace and I stayed close beside my mum as she looked down at a piece of paper and muttered to herself. We picked all the food and I wish I could eat some of it, especially the chicken but she wouldn’t let me touch any of the stuff.

Of course when she would pick up the green stuff, I almost felt like throwing up. Why do humans eat that stuff anyway? It stinks, it’s green and its tasteless, so why even eat it? We spent a long time at the market till we were finally done and soon we were back in the car heading back home.

But before we came back up on the driveway, I smelled something. Five unfamiliar scents were in our house. I also took notice of another car that didn’t belong to either mum or grandmum or granddad. My mum parked the car and I could smell that she was scared.

“Oh no, they’re early. Oh I hope mum and dad aren’t freaking out.” She shut the car off and she turned to me and said. “Okay Amber, now you remember the band members I told you who were coming, well I need you to be on your best behavior. We—didn’t really tell them we had a dog here.”

Mum you don’t have to worry, I’ll be good, cause I’m always a good girl. I let out a couple of barks and she smiled and rubbed my head muttering.

“Good girl.” We both left the car and she grabbed a couple of the grocery bags but as she took a couple of steps, I saw her stop. Her scent changed from calm to a sorta sweaty smell, she also had this dazed look in her eyes as they were locked onto something.

I looked ahead and saw two young boys that I had never seen before. One of them kinda looked like me with the long blonde hair, while the other one had the same length of hair as my twin but it was dark brown. I’ve never smelt my mum like this before as she just stayed there and became a little nervous.

I looked a little closer and saw that it was the long brown haired boy that she was looking at. Wonder if that boy had anything to do with it? I raced up towards him, I could hear my mum calling out ordering me to stop but I didn’t listen because I wanted to know just what he had that made my mum smell this way.

So I greeted him the way we dogs always greet one another. I heard him cry out as he turned.

“Bloody hell!”

“I am so sorry. That—that was my dog I swear I-I would never do that…..” my mum said nervously as she tugged me back by my collar trying to get me away from the brown furred boy. The two men laughed softly and the brown furred man answered.

“Well, maybe you could teach your dog some proper manners.”

“Believe me I’ve tried she just—doesn’t listen to me.” Mum! I turned my head grunted embarrassingly at her.

“Really? Wow did you hear what she said about you? You look pretty smart to me.” my twin spoke up as he knelt down in front of me and began rubbing and petting along my face and neck.

Wow, he’s got a pretty good touch. He rubbed scratches along my head and soon the brown furred boy knelt down and he began petting me. He also had a good touch too, maybe even better than my twin did.

“Such intelligent eyes. And quite beautiful too.” Aww thank you. “What’s your name?”

“Amber, her name’s Amber.” My mum answered.

“Hello there Amber.” My twin spoke up.

“Well you seem like a good girl Amber.” The brown furred man spoke up.

“Again I’d like to apologize for what just happened. Normally she never runs at guests and—”

“It’s fine. In fact I’d kinda like to know the name of her mum, if that’s alright with you.” Huh, now they both had a sweaty smell.

“(Y/n), (y/n) (l/n). You probably already met my parents.”

“Ahh yes, well it’s also a pleasure to meet their beautiful daughter.” My twin spoke up with a scent of flirtation on him. “Roger Taylor, drummer of this rag-tag band.” They both shook hands and that’s when the brown furred man introduced himself.

“John Deacon born on August 19th, 1951.” He groaned as he hid his face and I could hear my mum softly giggle while my twin Roger just couldn’t help but laugh hysterically.

“I think he meant to say Bass player of our band.”

“Ahh, well John Deacon born on August 19th, 1951, thought I might let you know I’ve always found bass players the most fascinating members of bands.”

“Y-you do?” my mum nodded. Before anything else could be spoken an eerie, buzzing voice called out.

“Roger! John!” Soon coming out of the studio was a man with what looked like a fuzzy caterpillar across his face. He walked up towards us and already I didn’t like his scent. He just smelt of ill intentions and it made me on edge. “What in the world is taking you so—good lord what is that beast?” Uhh excuse me? Was he talking to me just now?

“I’m sorry?” my mum snapped.

“We don’t allow strays into this location, get it out of here before I call the pound. And you girl, will you kindly go make yourself useful and help with the equipment?”

“Uhh first of all you don’t talk to my dog like that. Second of all I’m no one’s servant girl or housemaid. And third…..”

“Paul, what is taking so long out there?” Soon two more men came out from the studio and walked up toward us. One had black fur up to his shoulders and he smelt like sunshine and fun, the other one was really tall and sorta looked like Francine the poodle who lived in town. He had a mellow scent which was relaxing.

“Oh Freddie, I was just telling the girl here about the rules we have here about strays.”

“Paul don’t you remember the pictures the lovely couple showed us? This must be their lovely daughter they were telling us about, please tell me you are darling?” the black furred man spoke out.

“Yeah, I’m (y/n).”

“Ah-ha I knew it! Though those photographs do you no justice at all darling, you are too beautiful for the camera.” Oh I liked this guy; he compliments my mum a lot.

“And this must be your dog?” asked the poodle man.

“Yep this is my lovely girl Amber, she—she’s already met two of your other band members.”

“Basically sticking her nose right up Deacy’s arse.” My twin spoke which caused John to slap him over the head.

“Well she sure is pretty, aren’t you Amber darling?” The black furred man gave me a rub to my neck and I felt like I was in heaven.

Never have I ever been given this much attention by so many people, I was gonna like these four boys.

“She sure is beautiful, her coat is even so shiny. How old is she?” asked the poodle man.

“She just turned 2 last month.”

“Ohh big girl huh?” the black furred man smiled as he kept petting me. I took notice that he had an overbite with his fangs but he still had a bright smile that almost if not was even brighter than the sun. “Ohh she’s a sweet girl, aren’t you darling?” he placed a kiss to my forehead before standing up and I felt the poodle man stroked through my fur now for a brief moment before the black furred man said to caterpillar guy known as Paul. “Well go on Paul, make it up to her for insulting her and her beautiful mum.”

“You’re right Freddie I—I didn’t know what I was thinking. Terribly sorry miss, and to you to sweet—” as he reached out to pet me, I snared and snapped at his hand just barely missing it making him jump back as I lowly growled at him.

“Good doggie couldn’t have said it better myself.” Roger whispered. “So Prenter, why the big hurry?”

“We’re on a strict deadline, we’re lucky that Foster’s giving us a brief extension on the album so we must get to word as soon as possible.” Paul then trudged off.

I didn’t like him. Not one bit, and I hope he never insults my mum, me or any of these boys or does anything to harm them.

“Well I’ve kept you all distracted long enough; I should get these groceries in the house.” Mum said.

“Here why—why don’t I help you?” John offered.

“Oh I can’t ask that of you.”

“You’re not asking, I’m offering. Plus it can count as payment for your dog sniffing where she wasn’t allowed to sniff.” I looked up at mum and she looked down at me. I softly grunted and she said.

“Okay, if it’s okay with your friends for letting me steal you for a bit.”

“Of course it is, you two kids go off and have fun. But be sure to use protection!”

“Fred!” John hissed out before the three of them headed to the studio while mum, John and I walked towards the car.

As we gathered up the groceries, mum said as she gathered some bags.

“You know Amber can actually take a bag of groceries into the kitchen.”

“You’re joking.”

“No, no I trained her to do that. Don’t believe me? Hold a bag to her and say kitchen.” It was then I saw John hold up a bag and I could smell the bag of apples as well as a carton of whip cream.

“Kitchen.” Instantly knowing the command, I took the handles into my mouth and trotted towards the kitchen. As the two of them walked in, I set the bag down and mum patted my head telling me I was a good girl. “I’ll say I’m impressed. Never did I think dogs could do that.”

“Some can’t just with retrievers they’re really easy to train, once you start them at an early age.” As the two of them put the food away, I sat down in my bed in the corner of the kitchen and couldn’t help but notice that the sweaty smell between the two of them got stronger.

“So will I—see you around?” John asked.

“Yeah.” Mum muttered. John nodded and began to walk away but then my mum stopped him by saying, “Hey!” he immediately turned around and he smelled hopeful about something. “If you ever find yourself wanting a break, Amber and I would…..love to take you out to the lake or show you around town.”

“I’d like that, though be prepared it may just be later tonight that I might take you up on that offer.” Mum softly giggled and soon John left but not without giving me a gently pat. It was then my mum sighed in a strange way as she slide down against the wall. I walked up to her and she said as she cupped underneath my neck.

“Ohh Amber, I—I think I’ve just been struck by cupid’s arrow.” I tilted my head at her grunting softly. I sniffed her face and gently licked her cheek before placing myself over her lap and the two of us just sat there in the kitchen.

As the weeks passed, we would either get to listen to the boys who I learned their band name was Queen; play their music. I’ve heard mum play various other songs whether on her device that she calls a record player or in the car but Queen’s music was unlike anything my ears had ever heard.

I found myself howling along to some of their songs as they would record their songs. Paul of course didn’t like it but John, Roger, Brian and Freddie didn’t mind it at all, in fact they saw it amusing, to which then Fred called me the ‘doggy approved’ critic.

And when they would all find the time to get away from work, they spent it playing with me and mum. We’d go out onto the tennis court, out in the fields to play fetch or take pictures so that they would have some memories of their recording (according to Brian since he was always the one with a camera in hand), or we’d swim at the lake or in the pool, but I honestly preferred the lake, since John would always throw my favorite ball into it for me to fetch it.

I’ve also noticed that mum and John have been spending a lot of time together. He would come along on drives with us, he’d go to the lake with us, he’d even stay out and gaze up at the stars with us. And every time they spent together; I’ve noticed their sweaty scents would grow stronger. One night while gazing under the stars, I could sense that John was feeling extremely nervous.

I crawled up to him and gave him a comforting nudge and he soon placed his hand on top of my head, gently massaging my neck as mum said.

“Are you okay Deacy?”

“Hmm oh yeah, yeah I’m fine I—well I guess there has been something on my mind lately.”

“What is it?” I looked up between the two of them and it was then John said.

“Well I was wondering if uhh…..you’re not really doing anything tomorrow night, maybe you’d uhh—umm that is if you’d like to would you…..”

“Are you—trying to ask me out on a date?” my mum asked. John’s face went as red as an apple as he looked down. No, no you need to keep looking at her. I stood up and nudged behind his back which knocked him into my mum and the two of them went down to the ground, with John on top of my mum.

“Oh god I-I-I-I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to……”

“I know just who it was that really did it Deacy.” I sat down and simply tilted my head trying to look cute. The two of them got up and that’s when mum said. “And to answer your question, yes. Meet me in the living room at 8?”

“Yeah. Yes of course I’ll—see you then.” It was then my mum had her first real date.

Humans were so complex; like last night my mum answered John or I guess I should call him Deacy since she calls him that now, with such ease but now here she was tossing stuff out of her closet muttering to herself.

“Too revealing, too stuffy, too dressy. Ugh Amber I don’t know what to where, please help me!” I hoped off of her bed and went into the closet and began sniffing around. Ohh I don’t know why she hasn’t worn this yet.

I took the bottom of the shirt and she grabbed it and took it off the strange dinner triangle (hanger).

“Huh this?” She placed it over herself and she continued, “Don’t you think it’s kinda see-through?” I went back into the closet and suddenly found something else and I dragged it out from the corner of the closet and held it out to her, “What’s this? Oh. Oh that’s perfect, this is perfect, thank you Amber! Good girl Amber!” She ruffled through my fur and kissed my head and stood up and got dressed.

Mum looked at herself in the mirror as she now applied the stuff she calls ‘makeup’ on her face and as she went to pick up the dreaded smell bottle I barked at her warningly.

“No perfume?” I shook my head in disgust. “Okay, no perfume.” She set it back down then she fully stood up and said, “Well girl, what do you think?” My tail wagged and I let out a happy bark. “Aww thank girl,” she sat down on the bed beside me and she suddenly became sad. “Amber—can I tell you something?” I grunted and mum continued, “I’m really nervous about this date, I mean—I think I’m falling in love with John and it…..seems like he loves me too. But what if I make a complete fool of myself? I mean he’s a rock star and I’m just—me. A simple farm girl.” I whimpered and set my head on her lap.

No you won’t mum. I can smell that he likes you, and I wouldn’t let you go near him if he didn’t smell of good intentions. You’re the bravest girl I know, he’ll like you the way you like him. And maybe if it all works out, I’ll finally have a dad.

“It’s almost 8, c’mon girl.” I hopped off and followed behind her. We walked down the stairs and the second Deacy saw my mum, his sweaty smell intensified.

“Wow.” I heard him whisper.

“Is it too much?”

“No, no. You look—be-beautiful.” Mum’s sweaty smell also intensified and she said.

“You can thank Amber here for my attire for tonight.” He knelt down in front of me and scratched and rubbed my head as he said.

“You are quite the expert, maybe you could give Fred some tips.”

“My sense of style is fabulous darling, there’s nothing wrong with it!” Freddie’s voice soon proclaimed out. I turned to see him, Roger and Brian all standing there.

“So you know the rules, have her back by midnight, no shagging in my car but if you do use protection.”

“Roger!” Both mum and Deacy exclaimed as they both got red in the face.

“And Deacy darling, if you do anything to break this girl’s heart you’re kicked out of the band.”

“No worries Fred,”

“God you lot are worse than my dad. The only thing your missing is a shotgun.”

“Ohh where’s that at?” Roger said.

“Rog there’s no need for that.” Brian spoke up. “Just have a good time, the both of you and be safe.”

“Well with only so few things to do in this town, there’s not a whole lot of trouble to be made. The only big thing that happened here was the multiple robberies and break-ins. And they weren’t even armed.”

“But anyway, have fun you two.” As they walked out of the door, I went to follow but mum stopped me before I got out the front door.

“No Amber, stay.” Stay? But we’ve always gone on outings together. The three of us.

“Don’t worry we’ll make sure to keep her company, maybe even run some song by her on what she thinks of them.” Roger spoke up as he came and held me back.

“I’ll be back soon girl, and I’ll fill you in on everything when we get back. I love you.” Mum kissed my forehead and soon her and Deacy went into the car. I whimpered as I was pulled back and the front door shut. I got up on my hindlegs and watched as they drove off.

Aww, but I wanted to go with them. It’s always more fun whenever I’m around. Why didn’t they want me with them?

“Don’t worry Amber dear, they’ll be back soon. Hey, does someone want dinner?” Food, did I just hear food? I let out a bark and headed straight for the kitchen with the rest of the boys coming behind me.

Deacy and mum were gone a really long time. Everyone’s pretty much gone to sleep, except me. I waited and stared out the window from my mum’s room that looked out into the front yard hoping that they would come back.

Then I saw the headlights and my tail wagged as I raced down the stairs and looked out through the curtains of the living room to see Deacy and mum standing together. I then raced over to the front door and peeked out so that they wouldn’t see me as I heard Deacy say.

“I really had a wonderful time tonight.”

“Me too, thank you so much Deacy. This has been—literally the best summer I’ve ever had.” I tilted my head as I saw Deacy tuck in a piece of my mum’s fur before the two of them leaned close together.

Until they finally met and their lips touched together. I don’t know what they were doing exactly but it made me happy as I smiled and my tail wagged.

When I saw them separate I quickly raced upstairs so that they wouldn’t know that I was watching. I hopped into mum’s bed and pretended to be asleep. I could hear their whispers coming up towards the room and that’s when my mum said.

“Goodnight, my handsome bass player.”

“Sleep well my farm girl.” I heard them do the thing again before I heard the door softly close. I decided to take a peek and I saw my mum slide down against the door and she smelled happy.

Really happy.

Never have I seen her smile that widely before and her scent was mixed with Deacy’s scent, and it suited her when their smells were together.

From that moment on, I knew that Deacy was a member of our pack.

As the days went on, the boys continued to work nonstop but when the evening came, Deacy and mum spent a lot of time together. Sometimes we’d just stay out in the backyard looking up at the stars having a picnic, or we would go on nightly drives, this time I managed to convince them to bring me along.

We would howl together in the car as the music would play on the radio. But I’ve noticed that every time they were together, mum and Deacy would wrestle with their lips and lick each other. We’re they fighting over food or something? Maybe Deacy was hiding something in his mouth? Let me check.

I hopped over to the backseat and leaned over to the front as I nudged myself between them and began sniffing Deacy and licked over his face. The two of them laughed but I smelt nothing. Nope, nothing in there.

“What is going on?” Deacy laughed.

“Think she’s jealous.” Mum said. But of course no matter how much mum looked, there was never anything in Deacy’s mouth. And she looked—a lot.

One day as the sun was setting over the horizon, I was walking through the fields and found the haystack and decided to jump into it and roll around in it. Ahh I’ve always loved the feel and smell of hay. The way it would tickle my nose, I let out a sneeze as I shook myself. It was then I heard mum and Deacy talking. I peeked over but something was different; usually when they were together there nothing but happiness and sweaty smells, now all I could sense was sadness.

Why were they sad? I watched as mum hugged Deacy and he hugged her back. Maybe I could cheer them up. I hopped over the hay and trotted up to them. I let out a bark and they turned to me and it was then I began to try and chase my tail. Grunting as I spun around until I finally managed to catch it.

The two of them smiled and softly laughed. I released my tail and walked up towards them and lifted my paw up. Don’t be sad anymore, please. Be happy, you two are together, and it’ll always be that way.

The next morning, I watched as the boys were packing up the cars. All their personal equipment was being packed away as well as their luggage. Where were they going? What’s going on? Nobody ever tells me anything.

“We wish to thank you again for allowing us to finish the album here Mr. and Mrs. (l/n).” Brian spoke up.

“Anytime boys, it’s been wonderful having you here with us.” Grandmum said.

“And anytime you need a break from the city, I know we’d be happy to have you four here again.” Grandad said.

“Much obliged my dears.” Freddie said. I whimpered as I walked up to them. “And you, you fabulous dog. Probably the only dog I’ll ever love, you keep being your fabulous self.” Freddie said as he stroked through my fur.

“C’mon boys we need to get going. Foster’s waiting to hear the album.” Bad man Paul spoke up. Brian walked up to me now and gently stroked through my fur and said.

“It was lovely to meet you Amber, take care of things here.” Roger then knelt down and he cupped my face.

“You keep being a clever girl, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” I grunted and licked my twin goodbye. He placed a kiss to my head before standing up and then Deacy came up.

“Look after your mum for me, okay?” He smelt sad again. Why was he still sad? I thought I fixed it last night. He couldn’t even look at my mum and she couldn’t do the same. It was then the boys got into the cars and drove off.

Grandmum and granddad all waved goodbye, while mum was very sad. I even heard her sniffle, I looked up and saw water coming down her face. He can’t leave now, mum’s sad. I tugged but mum held me back and said.

“No Amber, stay.” Stay? But you’re sad. Dad can help you. I got myself free and I heard my mum call out my name but only one thing was circling through my mind.

Dad needed to go back and hug and lick mum again. Wait dad come back!

I raced after the cars hoping that if they saw me, dad would come out and take me home, then he and mum can be together and happy again. I raced through the field and onto the road but I knew I wouldn’t catch up with them at this rate.

Then I decided I could probably cut them off. I raced through the wheat fields bounding up and down hoping to still see them. Racing past goats, cows and horses of neighboring farms until finally I came back onto green grass again seeing the car insight. Remembering which one dad and went into, I raced towards that one and by luck the window was actually rolled down.

His car came to a stop and I took my chance of leaping through the window till finally I was in the car. I walked up to dad’s face panting heavily, boy you sure did give me a run of my life dad.

“Amber are you crazy?” But maybe not—drive so far next time.

“I can’t believe she actually ran all the way here. You’re a crazy girl aren’t you Amber?” I heard Roger’s voice say as he scratched my back. Dad, mum needs you and you need her. Go back to her, please. He cupped my face and I could see water fill his eyes as he leaned up against me.

“You need to go back Amber; your mum needs you.” I whimpered. Yes but she needs you too dad. “Life on the road is no place for a dog.” I lifted my paw and lightly pawed at him whimpering. He hugged me and whispered in my ear. “I love you girl,” I felt him kiss me before he ordered me. “Home, now!” He opened the door and I got out and he closed to door before the car took off again.

As I’ve said humans are so complicated. They do things that we dogs just can’t understand, like leave. I stayed there along the road and watched with a broken heart as dad drove away. Finally not wanting to disobey him, I walked back home.

Mum and dad were meant to be together. But if they weren’t together, then what was the point of life? Maybe the point was to not go looking for it, I think that’s why the term I’ve heard grandad say ‘life’s not fair’ makes much more sense now.

Things changed a lot since the boys left. Mum decided to move into the city so she packed up and took me along with her. Apparently she got a job offer in the city of London as something called a ‘music teacher’.

It’s been two years since we’ve lived in the city and it was definitely a huge adjustment, especially to me. Loud noises, more dogs than I’ve ever seen in my whole life, smells that not even back home had to offer, and most of it really stunk. But mum seemed to be happy, and if she was happy then I was happy.

She never really dated anyone, not after—well sometimes its even hard to hear their music sometimes, but even through the tears, she just couldn’t bring herself to stop listening to them, and neither could I. One day as I was lying on her bed as she was grading some papers, I heard her sigh heavily and she said.

“You know what I’m thinking?” Ice cream. “This is crazy but sometimes I think I know what you’re thinking.” Ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream. “Ahh Amber I’ve been cooped up here for too long grading secondary school papers, you wanna go get some ice cream?” I grunted happily. Mum you read my mind.

We were now out in the city going by our favorite ice cream shop, she got her favorite flavor (f/c) and I got me a vanilla cup. As we were now sitting in the park eating our ice cream, well I was more or less licking whatever was left in the cup. As we sat there with our ice cream, suddenly something caught my nose.

I sniffed the air and it was then I recognized it. That familiar masculine scent mixed in with toast and cheese. Could it be? I took off running as fast as I could through the park. Mum tailing behind me calling my name. I tracked the scent down until I found him just sitting there underneath a tree right by the lake where I usually chase the ducks.

He had his bass guitar in his lap and my tail wagged furiously. I let out a bark and raced toward him before tackling him down to the ground and licking all over his face whimpering happily.

It was dad. I found him! I found him, he was back at last!

He pulled me back and got a good look at me before saying.

“A-Amber?” I barked happily. Dad’s fur was shorter than when I last saw him but I knew those eyes and that smile anywhere. I barked and licked all over his face again, my tail wagging as I heard mum say my name. I looked up and got off of dad and barked happily at her as I looked between the two of them.

“D-Deacy?”

“(Y/n).” mum and dad looked at each other. He stood up and the two just stared at each other some more as they stood face to face, that was before they hugged each other.

Maybe now they would patch whatever it was that happened between them and they can be together again, especially now since we lived in the same territory.

We invited John to our home and the two of them talked over a cup of tea while I listened in from the kitchen.

“How have you been?” dad asked mum.

“It’s been good.”

“How—how long have you been in London?”

“I actually moved here about a month after you guys left. I’m currently working as a music teacher at a school nearby.”

“Is it good? Do you enjoy it?”

“It pays the bills, one thing I never will get about the city is why everything must be so expensive?”

“Can’t argue with that. When we were first starting off, Freddie actually gave away three months wages on our shared house just to record one album. It was a struggle to make a living those first several months.”

“But low and behold you guys slowly rose to the top. And you still are, even after the ‘A night at the opera album’.”

“You—still keep in touch with our music?”

“I’ve never stopped.”

“Even after—”

“Surprisingly yes. I mean it was hard don’t get me wrong, but we both agreed that it just wouldn’t work between us. The distance was just too much to bear.”

“Well…..what about now?” Yes, yes please tell him mum. You still love him I’ve smelled it on you for years.

“But what about Queen? You guys are about to go on another tour aren’t you? I-I couldn’t hold you back.”

“You wouldn’t be holding us back, nor me. Ever since that day when I left, I’ve never felt so heartbroken in my life. I was stupid for letting you go. But if you….if you’ve moved on I understand and…..” I heard dad stop talking so I decided to peek out from the door and that’s when I saw mom and dad softly licking each other like they used to do together.

I watched as dad’s arms went around mom’s waist and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders bringing him closer.

Finally.

From that moment on, mum and dad spent every moment together. We would go on walks or he would take us to a brand new studio and when we saw the rest of Queen again, I was happy to get all the pets and scratches. Except for Brian, Freddie and Roger’s fur was also cut too but it seemed to suit them.

It was great being back with them once again, and I was extremely happy that mum and dad were back together again. And it wasn’t long before we slept together. Of course mum and I missed dad whenever he had to leave to go on tour with the guys, but every time he’d come back he always brought something back for us.

Never did I think I would get so many new toys in my life. And they weren’t just from dad, they also came from Roger and Freddie as well. One day in the early morning before the sun even rose in the sky, I felt something being attached to my collar. I opened my eyes and saw dad.

“Go back to sleep girl, it’s only me.” I grunted before lying my head back down on the bed. I felt dad softly stroke my head as he whispered, “When your mum wakes up, show her your collar. You’re part of a very special surprise for her.” A surprise for mum? That sounds like fun, I hope the surprise is peanut butter. I love peanut butter. I then fell back asleep after hearing the front door close.

When morning finally came and I heard footsteps coming down the stairs, I woke up to see mum coming down. She went over to the kitchen and I heard her pour out my breakfast, immediately waking up I raced over and began chowing down.

“Boy someone’s a hungry girl today.” While eating my breakfast, something kept buzzing around in my mind, and I could feel something poking around my collar and I couldn’t see nor get it. I barked at my mum who came up to me and said, “What is—well how did this get in your collar girl?” she took a piece of paper out and unfolded it and a smile instantly came on her face.

I tilted my head at her before going back to eating and that’s when she said.

“Well, hope you have a full belly girl, cause it looks like we’re gonna be busy running around town for the rest of the day.” Huh? We’re going on a car ride. Alright, where are we going?

We were soon driving around town; mum would tell me to find notes that looked like the one on my collar. And thanks to dad’s scent, I was able to find them. We went to places like the park, the diner where they first had their date in the city, then we went to the recording studio, then a concert hall where Queen had just performed at, the very first Queen concert mum got to do it, I wish I could’ve watched but it was too loud for me so I just stayed in the dressing room.

Now we were on our way to our final destination and boy was it a far one too. It was then I was hit with the familiar smells of home. We were going home. Could this be where our final surprise for mum was at? Finally by the time it was sunset, we arrived home.

Mum turned the car off and standing outside was grandmum and granddad. Mum opened the door and I raced over to greet them after not seeing them for what felt like forever.

“Mum, dad.” She hugged her parents and asked, “So do you have any idea what’s going on?”

“Well we promised not to spoil anything, but just head in the house and you’ll see what all this is about.” Grandmum said.

“Alright c’mon Amber.” We raced on inside and the first thing that hit me was the smell of flowers. Orchids to be exact, mum’s favorite. We both saw batches upon batches or orchid petals scattered in some sort of trail. I went on ahead and sniffed it leading us to the backyard where there was suddenly light, but it wasn’t daytime, it just turned dark.

It was then I realized they were lanterns, as we walked on ahead I soon smelled the guys, then I saw them. I raced on ahead and went up to dad who petted my head and he said.

“Good job girl, you brought her here at last.”

“What’s all this Deacy?”

“Just a little something special for you darling, please take a seat you and Amber.” Mum soon sat down on a block of hay and she called me over and I trotted over to her and sat down beside her as she wrapped her hands around me, but I knew that I wanted to stay and watch what was happening.

The boys then began playing and soon a song came up and I recognized this tune. I barked out happily knowing this was my favorite song, because Dad said that he had written this already and it was for the album they were recording when we first met them. I think he said he called it, “You’re my best friend”.

The boys played in beautiful harmony and of course it was Freddie’s voice that stole the song, but of course I couldn’t take my eyes off of dad, and neither could mum. I would look up at her and she was smiling widely from ear to ear and she would occasionally stroke through my fur. I also took notice that dad didn’t take his eyes off of mum either as he played.

Once the song was over I let out a series of barks and my mum and grandparents clapped and it was then dad came up to mum and he took her hands in his. Huh he also had that sweaty smell again, and it was then he spoke.

“(Y/n), even though we’ve spent such a short time together the first time around I knew I never wanted to be apart from you again. And just nine months ago when Amber found me again in the park, it felt like we got the second chance. So—I ask of you, (Y/n) (m/n) (l/n),” I then saw him take out a box and opening it I saw something shiny and I heard my mum gasp as dad continued, “Will you marry me my darling?”

“Oh John! Yes! Yes!” I watched as mum and dad tackled each other and once again wrestled and licked each other’s. My tail wagged as I sensed nothing but pure joy from the both of them and I let out a series of excited barks as everyone clapped.

Their mating ceremony was beautiful and I got to actually carry my mum’s tail down the aisle. She looked beautiful and dad looked handsome too, they danced, cuddled, and couldn’t stop wrestling each other’s lips. Then they left somewhere for what the humans call a ‘honey-moon.’ Were they going to get honey on the moon? If they do they should bring some back, I’ve tried honey here so I want to make sure if honey on the moon tastes any different.

I sure did miss them when they were away, but at least Brian, Roger and Freddie came to check up on me so I still at least had some company, which I always enjoyed.

After about a year of them being mates, we were cuddled up together on the bed. Dad had just came back from a long day’s recording their newest album and soon another tour would be happening, as we all lay there, my head was on top of mum’s stomach. Lately I’ve been hearing this strange rumbling sound in her stomach.

“Deacy, there’s something I need to tell you….”

Nine months later, after dad had come back from tour mum had a baby. Currently the two of them were hovering over it in its bed.

“Is he breathing alright?”

“He’s fine Deacy, just let him sleep.”

“Maybe we should wake him up, just to be sure.” As the two of them whispered to each other, I merely lay down there. I don’t understand why they got a baby. It took all their attention from me. That was until the day they finally allowed me to meet him, I think they called him Robert. It was then with one sniff I had a new mission.

To protect Robert at all cost.

Couple years later they got more babies, seemed strange that they kept having babies so quickly but my younger brothers and new baby sister at the time were lucky, because we had the best parents in the world.

As the kids got older, I had to live my life on the run, mostly from the boys as they wanted me to dress up in clothes that belonged to my younger sister. With no chance of fighting them off, I just let them do what they wanted to whether it was putting sunglasses over me, a tutu around my waist or a crown on my head.

But I guess as long as they were happy, I was happy. And if I’m being completely honest, I liked having all the attention. Especially when we got to run around the house and play tag or fetch. Of course mum would tell us to either stop or go outside when it came to playing fetch.

Time moved slower, which was a good thing because I didn’t feel like running anymore, I didn’t feel like playing as much as I used to. Even when the boys tried to get me to fetch my favorite ball, I never once moved or got up. All I wanted was to just lay down.

I was also in pain, all the time. I don’t know why I was hurting but I was. I saw mum come into the kitchen and she said softly.

“Hey, there’s my best girl.” My breathing was labored now and has been for a while. She knelt down in front of me and my food bowl as she said, “Amber, you okay?” I could barely keep my eyes open any longer as I let out a weak whimper.

The next thing I knew I was being put in the car.

When I came around, I saw mom standing over me with tears falling down her face and voices were muffled as I heard my doctor say.

“So, let’s see what we can find here?” Thank goodness he didn’t give me a shot this time.

“She’s uhh…..she’s mostly been lying around the house lately; she never wants to run around with the kids. She barely walks or hardly eats. Her breathing’s been labored and…..her eyes just don’t seem to look right.” I heard my mum say. She sounded so sad, but I was too tired to try and cheer her up. “Doctor what can we do for her?”

“Well I can run some tests but I think I might have a diagnoses already. I can feel this lump in her side and I’ve felt this with many other golden retrievers I’ve dealt with, and I—I’m afraid it’s not good news. I’m afraid she might have a tumor.” I heard my mum gasp and sniffle. Faintly through the light that was shining down on me, I could see her hold her hand to her mouth as she was trembling.

“Can…..can I please use your phone doctor?”

“Of course Mrs. Deacon, it’s just over there.” I saw her leave and I could hear her voice very faintly.

“Deacy,” dad? Are you here? “Deacy it’s…..it’s Amber.” I can’t smell you…..where are you, dad? Soon my vision went black.

“Amber.” When I opened my eyes, there he was. Dad, you’re here.

“Hey there Amber darling.” Freddie?

“You clever girl.” Roger.

“Didn’t think you’d leave us without a proper goodbye, huh?” Brian. They were all here. And I could tell they were all sad, ohh I didn’t want them to be sad.

“Oh our royal queen, our best girl.” Dad leaned his head against me and I could feel the tears fall into my fur. Mum sat beside him and she placed her hand over my paw and stroked it.

“Oh Amber, Amber, my beautiful, beautiful baby girl.”

“It’s what’s best for her, she won’t suffer anymore.” I heard the doctor say. Both mum and dad with tears running down their faces, their presences filled with nothing but sadness looked down at me. I didn’t want to leave them like this, but mum said.

“You’re a good girl Amber. You’ve always been a good girl.”

“Don’t worry, she’ll just feel a little prick in her neck, and then the pain will go away.” Then the last thing I saw before my vision went black for the final time was my pack surrounding me.

*My POV*

Amber Deacon died on August 9th, 1986 at the old age of 13 years old. Deacy and I had to tell the unfortunate news to the kids since they were visiting my mum and dad for the summer. I was thankful to get a hold of Deacon after their last concert and amazingly he and the guys had got to say their final farewells to a beloved dog.

We buried her in the backyard and as memory of her I kept her collar and leash with embroider tags that I got made for her when we first moved to the city right by my bed stand.

Losing my best friend was the most gut wrenching thing I ever had to go through. I was depressed for weeks on end, I couldn’t stop crying and I’d even cry myself to sleep most nights. I would most of the time spend my days out by her grave and just sit there for hours and hours in rain or sun.

*3rd Person POV*

The Deacon children Robert, Michael, Laura and Joshua all stared out at their mum and Robert said.

“I wish there was a way to cheer mum up.”

“Why did Amber have to die?” said Laura sadly.

“That’s just life my darlings.” John spoke up. The kids turned to their dad and as he sat down at one of the kitchen chairs, he told them to come over. They all gathered around their dad and he said, “It’s all just part of life Laura my love, though we wish she could still be here she—she was just very sick and hurting. You wouldn’t want her to still be alive and in pain do you?”

“No, not if she was hurting.” She answered her dad as she leaned up against his chest.

“She was a good doggy.” Joshua spoke up.

“Took the words right out of my mouth Joshua.” He softly scoffed a chuckle before saying, “Did I ever tell you kids how your mum and I met?”

“Yeah, you met her when you and uncles Freddie, Brian and Roger went to record your night at the opera album, right dad?” answered his eldest son Robert.

“True Robert, but there’s another part of the story I hadn’t told you all about. Come into the living room with me.” He kept hold of Laura and the boys followed behind him as they all gathered around the couch. “You see, when we first came to mum’s and pops place to record our album, your mother was actually out buying groceries. Your uncle Roger and I were just about to head into the studio when I….ehehe I felt something nudge my bum.” At hearing that the kids all laughed softly. “Yeah, yeah laugh it up now. But when I turned around there stood your mother. Of course I thought it was her but it was then she introduced me to the cleverest dog I would come to know. It was Amber who helped your mum and I meet.”

“She did that?” asked Michael.

“Yeah she did. She was probably the smartest dog I would ever meet, in fact after a while she helped us reunite when your mum moved here to the city.”

“I wish we were there to say goodbye.” Robert spoke.

“She knew you all loved her Robert. She always knows when someone loves her. But kids, try not to think about her death, she wouldn’t want that. Think of all the fun times you had with her. That’s what’s really important.”

“Can we make a scrapbook with all the pictures of her, and…..maybe give it to mama?” Laura asked hopefully. John smiled down at his little girl and said as he stroked through her hair.

“I think mummy would love that.”

“Come on you guys let’s go find some pictures.” Said Robert.

“Maybe even do some hand drawings.” Suggested Michael. Soon the four little Deacons raced upstairs to work on the scrapbook. Meanwhile John stood up and just looked out into the backyard to see his wife and best friend still at the grave of their beloved dog.

Quietly he opened the backdoor and walked towards her slowly and silently. He knelt down behind her and cautiously wrapped his arms around her before resting his head on her shoulder.

*My POV*

I felt the familiar arms of my husband wrap around me and I choked out a confession.

“When I—first adopted her from the shelter, never did I think she would affect my life the way she would. But the second I held her she—she changed my world right then and there. Why did she have to die Deacy? Why her?”

“Shhh, shh.” Deacy held me close to him, my head resting over his heart. As one arm was wrapped around me, his other cupped over my ear so that the only sound I could hear besides his voice was his heartbeat, trying to soothe and control my broken one. “She loved you so much (y/n).”

But even that didn’t stop the tears from falling down my face. I felt him press little pecks on the top of my head as he then said.

“I’d imagine the doves up in heaven are not gonna be too happy now that she’s with them.” Finally for the first time in over three weeks since her death, Deacy finally managed to get me to smile through my tears with that joke. “Ohh there’s that smile I’ve missed so dearly.” He wiped my tears away and cupped my face so that I could look at her.

“I’m sorry—”

“No, you have no reason to apologize to me my love. You just lost your best friend; you have every right to grieve in how you see fit.”

“Are….are the kids—mad at me?”

“They’re more worried about you than anything. They also miss her too.” I sighed heavily and leaned up against him.

“I don’t know what I would do without you here Deacy.”

“We’ll get through this darling. But just know she’s never really gone; she’ll always be in your memories and in your heart.”

“I just…..never got to thank her. Without her I’d—we probably wouldn’t have met each other the way we did.”

“She knows that, she probably knew all along that we had a future together. Otherwise she would never have chased after our car the day the boys and I left the farm.” He gently kissed me before placing gentle kisses along my temple and kept hold of me.

The rest of the day we all spent in the living room huddled up together on the couch, sharing stories and looking through pictures of the greatest dog to ever grace our lives.

Even as the years passed and we got a new dog to join the family, he didn’t take the place of her in our hearts. She was in a class of her own.

It’s not often that a dog comes along whose a true friend, and a great matchmaker. Amber was both.

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