#but sometimes itll take you to the bottom again

[wollfling]

Alice and the pirates be more generous with your pant leg sizes challenge

[cupcraft]

i watched the Dream video for technoblade, his dad, and the charity. no other reason.

It'll be A dream free liveblog this will mostly be about stories of techno, his dad. I will state here that dream does talk about his memories of techno/techno kicking his ass at things/being good (mc monday and the duel for ex) and responds to his dad's stories and stuff but i dont feel comfortable liveblogging those parts so thats all ill say about it here. There will be a portion where his dad mentions dream a few times in his stories which ill state in service of his dad's/the family's voice but thats where itll end!

This will be long im sorry, and also its unedited grammar wise:

this stream/video was to donate to the sarcoma foundation (which definitely i do encourage donating if you can) and once again reminder you can buy the techno merch that also goes to his family and charity!

skeppy presented the award at the sarcoma foundation and met techno's dad. His dad also heard a lot about skeppy over the years as they were friends. Skeppy said the video that resonated the most with him the most when asked was "skeppy tries to troll me but i troll him first" (on technos channel, "skeppy's dungeon" on his). His dad shared a lot of joy to memories with techno and skeppy's relationship.

his dad says he feels like the "grief wants to be the only thing thats happening". and he said "i was there for his whole life. literally from day 1. literally for the last day." He finds his memories going over the last week of his life over and over again and he remembers it being mostly painful emotionally. And he doesnt want that last week to cement itself in his head, so he wants to go over memories of his whole life and stories from when he was a little kid and stuff. His goal is to talk about him as a whole person and not just the cancer.

His dad talked about how little funding cancer gets, how its the number 2 killer in the US and "it not only takes our parents but takes our kids sometimes and our friends and anyone." He praised doctors and researchers and he met them at the sarcoma foundation event.

in the spirit of joy as he dad said he wanted to share this story: when techno was 2 years old his dad had techno and his younger sibling. he said when kids are 3 months they sit so you can go to the bathrooma nd that when they get older theyre dangers and he said "thats when they try to kill themselves!". His first wife had the flu at this story, and he had to maintain the childcare and there was a staircase to the bedroom. The younger sister thought going up and down the stairs was super duper fun but she wasnt good at it, he had to like monitor her a stair behind. She then at one point was on the stairs close to the bottom and fell, and his wife said "what was that??". he picked her up and he tried to comfort her and stuff. And techno walks in the room and goes "baby fall down crash" and then his dad mimicked slapping the floor and rolling all around to show what 2 year old techno did to describe the story. Srsly crying at this :,) oh techno.

another reminder to donate!

his dad is an avid gamer but stayed away from minecraft bc he didnt want to be the "parent that gets heavily involved with what the child does" *laugh*. He watched techno play pvp, and once he figured out what was going on during these 1v1's and noticed that he kept winning without losing hearts. And his dad said "alex do they know youre there? are you invisible?" Though his dad could believe his son could win due to other video games like tf2 that they played together where he'd be MVP 2x the score of the entire other team's score and he'd say "oh i did so bad im so disappointed" (noted to be a bit of an exaggeration).

in his whole career his dad said he never saw him stress about anything other than the duel, leading up to it mostly. he didnt know why but it really stressed him out and techno shared with his dad a lot of worse case/ "nightmare" scenarios that his dad said "didnt seem realistic." His dad said "all the bad things you imagine might happen but are more likely if you turn it down (paraphrased i missed a few words here my apologies i do have auditory processing issues!). And his dad said "who is this green smiley guy whose gaining more subscribers than my boy!!" and he felt competitive on technos behalf.

he aspires to be a good dad to those behind the camera (which i assume are techno's siblings by context).

his dad brought up the elbow reveal and that he wanted to do a face reveal which caused some laughs. He is now thanking his sponsor "cancer where without it this stream wouldnt have happened." (All i can say is that ik where techno got his humor from im srsly in tears this fucking family :,)!)

His dad talked about the cancer. and referenced the joke "it was gonna be the most epic elbow reveal ever" about the almost amputation. And he did a great impersonation of techno's voice. He thought he was going to be weeping copiously but he didnt want to put that on the situation so he tried to stay positive and kept it about love for techno as much as he could until the end. He got techno a present in this message and then started laughing and that "nobody likes this story". next bullet pt->

the present was for the occasion of the surgery. He wanted it to be good and valuable and special. He got him a book, a rare first edition first print 1922 book of hemingway's farewell to arms. (no shot cryinggg)

Now its mcc time! Just a lot of sharing of techno mcc memories.

Dream smp whitelisting time! Techno was always on the dream smp list because (maybe) tommy asked him to be. He just logged on at one point (which we all know when :,)!). His dad also shared that he had several characters only one he wanted to be whitelisted (which was technoblade!). i assume he means acc names (?) and there was a joke that he kept trying to log in with his other acc's and said "i cant join because im not white listed (paraphrased) and that "i spent 50 dollars on a joke".

his dad is 60 years old, recent bday!.

"no ones gonna watch you play the videogame you can just play it yourself!" his dad said. (i missed the context of this im so sorry)

he says as a dad hes required to tell dad jokes.

There was a touching and emotional moment about how "it feels like techno is here with us" (paraphrased)

his dad wanted techno to pick out a good chair and out of all the chairs in the world he picked his dad's chair. and he has a shit desk, a computer, and a "ehhh" mic.

Whenever techno would stream/record at 2 am when his family was trying to sleep theyd hear "WHAT???? HEH?? *insert technoisms*" through the door. and he said "it was so awful when it stopped." :(.

he and his dad communicated through the door texting and hed check on him and theyd watched hunterxhunter/etc. together. And techno "couldnt eat without watching tv" and so meal and a show ig :D!

His dad said "i really miss him a lot." And he'll see reddit posts and he'll think its perfect to techno but then he remembers he cant send them.

Also He wont make a twitter but he's thought of making a technodad reddit and he loves the techno-ers on reddit a lot :D and he reads those posts until he cant any longer.

REMINDER TO DONATE AGAIN!

they knew another boy who had sarcoma who only lived until he was 8. and they had to take a break. at this point.

his dad said techno seemed to mean a lot to people that was more than pvp and funny jokes. and he sees the like "techno you helped through a bad time" posts. and hes so proud, and has seen all the donating on his behalf and finds it really (he pointed to his heart).

He met the director of the sarcoma foundation and they had never seen anything like it before. And she shared a story of a kid who ran a lemonade stand and raised to 100 dollars and sent it to the foundation for techno.

His dad said techno said "i sell pants now for some reason".

Theres new merch coming out soon. He's outselling! Also you can only order merch when its in stock to avoid delays.

The stream was ended with a hug <3!

His dad gave a big thanks to dream for what he did to help the family.

His dad plans to do more stuff with more people! Hinted at a big charity event with lots of games maybe.

AGAIN DONATE.

Technoblade never dies. this was a stream of love overall <3. I miss technoblade so fucking much. o7 king.

[finedinereception]

I know You said that You changed a Lot of stuff in the married wizard au but i can't stop seeing fire and Ice being exactly the same except that after Ice king says To find that "You blew it man" there half a second of Magic just screaming "WHAT THE FU-" after coming back and founding the kingdom in shambles

GOD YEAH OKAY SO

fire and ice is definitely an episode i want to keep mostly unaltered. i think its a really, really important episode for many reasons. i know people dont like finn and flame princess falling out but as a coming of age story, adventure time tries to tackle very mature themes and teach lessons to its child audience, and this is one not many kids shows cover and yet is a vital lesson to teach.

because sometimes “sorry” isnt enough. apologies dont mean jack if you dont actually know what you did wrong. dont mess with peoples feelings, because you wont always be able to apologize your way out of it. you can and will lose a person forever. flame princess owes finn zero forgiveness or any chance of a romantic relationship again, and finn is the one who needs to understand that he cannot prioritize the feelings he still has for her over her happiness, over the pain he caused her. most importantly, sometimes somebody does a terrible thing, but that doesnt make them a monster. finn isnt evil, hes somebody who messed up and hurt somebody deeply and has to come to understand what hes done wrong. sometimes nice people do cruel things, especially when theyre young and stupid and growing up.

so yeah, i planned to keep the episode generally unaltered.

that being said, the aftermath is about ten times worse. magic queen brought havoc to the candy kingdom for fifty years over pb and marcys break up. finn has caused catastrophic damage to her home and gotten her husband beaten repeatedly over his weird kink. the library is destroyed. her collection of relics is at the bottom of a lake. itll take forever not just to rebuild, but to recover what she can and replace what she cant. some things might not even be replaceable. shes pissed. and since she and marcy get on nowadays? marcy knows too.

and marceline is not going to take the news of “finn tricked his girlfriend into beating up your elderly mentally ill father figure because he thought it was hot” very well.

[readmypaws]

Hello folks of Tumblr,

Some of you are new here, so allow me to help you get started here. This tutorial is for mobile users cause im too lazy to log back on on PC rn...

Anyways,

Lets start with the simple part, how to navigate this place. Ive been here a year and it cam still feel likenan enigma sometimes but here are the basics:

1. Your feed is going to be made up of 90% of what you follow. Tumblr doesn't really have an algorithm perse, but more of a "heres is someone that someone you're following follows" or is stuff in the same tag. You can actually completely turn off what little algorithm there is in the settings if you like.

2. If you like a post, like it, but if you do just that, you'll never see it again. If you truly love a post, you need to repost it. Reposting it adds it to your blog, and you dont need to be stingy with reposting!

3. Scared something doesnt match your blog but you still like it? Well fuck it, reblog that shit! We love variety here

So thats the basics of looking at posts, but I can guarantee you that no one here, not even the p0rn bots dont post here. So I'm gonna teach you how to do that!

1. You will notice a blue button that looks like a pencil, click that and itll take you to the post creator.

2. Now the page is pretty blank, but that means you can do whatever you want with it! At the bottom of the screen (or if your keyboard is up, top of the keyboard) you'll notice 7 buttons. From left to right they are:

text formatting, the second is links, third is gifs, fourth is images, fifth is uh... I don't really know tbh lol, sixth is polls, and the seventh is uh... I also dont know that does lol.

Feel free to go crazy with these! Have fun :)

3. After writing your masterpiece, an autistic 3am rant about cheese, or a shitpost you're gonna wanna share it. If you immediately post it, it wont be seen by anyone except those who follow you. If you want people to follow it make sure that:

YOU TAG YOUR POSTS!

There is an add tags button above the toolbar, you gotta type what tags you want. Dont stress about making them completely match your post or what the "meta" is, its Tumblr, there is no meta for the platform that is just neurodivergent queer people lol. Share to wherever the hell you want so long as its somewhat connected to the post :). Add as many (up to 30) as you want! I recommend 5 at minimum. You can even write your posts as just tags!

So thats your post done! Thats the jist of Tumblr, theres also customizing your blog but I'll deal with that later :)

Have fun here!

[theeleventhsprincess]

✰. additional information (regarding the owner of the blog and the blog itself) —

➳. DNI —

∘ basic DNI criteria.

∘ those who aren't able to follow my general blog rules.

∘ those who are 25+ years of age (unless I've interacted with you first and have already expressed comfort being in your presence)

∘ anti-selfship

➳. BYF —

∘ once again, I am a minor. if that bothers you, simply don't interact with me.

∘ there's a likelihood of me prioritizing mutual asks before anything, that being said, I will still respond to other asks in the order I received them in (bottom to top). adding onto that, there's no guarantee I'll answer asks immediately. if anything, itll take me a while to get to them. be patient, as I also have a life.

∘ I am a nonbinary individual, so keep that in mind (also one of the main reasons why my blog is gender neutral).

∘ sometimes Im a little too hyper so oopsies (also very interactive !! ask anyone lol)

[spicytrashthe1st]

When the Obey Me boys use the title of "Master"

Lucifer

Most of the time he uses it to be a bitch. Like you'll ask him to do something and he'll be like "of course, Master" or "if that would please you, Master."

Other times, if you're lucky and u fuck him hard enough itll slip past his lips either in a whine or a plea.

Mammon

Okay tbh u gotta force it outta him. Like when u ordered him to use ur name sort of situation. Dont get me wrong, baby boy loves to refer to u as Master, loves feelin owned by u, he just needs a lil push is all.

Leviathan

It slips out. Is he embarrassed, yes, will u take advantage of his flustered state, also yes.

If hes sleep deprived n u carry him to bed itll slip out n if ur lucky he'll snuggle into u.

Satan

Uses it as a joke but loves to scream it, and loves when u make him scream it.

Maybe will use it during soft times, like when hes curled up in ur lap reading.

Asmodeus

Constantly uses it to tease u. He'll do the whole fluttering eyelashes n innocently bashful look at u too.

Beel

It slips out most of the time like when u give him snacks.

Belphegor

Brat only uses it when he wants something. Like at cat, iv fed u, cuddled u, given u love n attention, why are u screamin at me?

Sometimes sleeps w his ass in the air, wakin up for a moment to wiggle it at u before moaning out "Master, i need u."

Diavolo

Gotta be honest, i considered change this mans status from baby boy to brat thinkin about this. I still might change it bc Dia is a cheeky lil bitch most of if not all of the time, will this reflect in ur pact? absolutely.

He'll use it in public spaces, like when u have a student counsel meetin he'll be like "and what do you like, Master?" Or "could u pass me a pen, Master?". Lucifer has to leave the room at one point which gets a laugh outta everyone.

Otherwise he'll use it in soft uwu times, like when he's resting on ur chest n ur threading ur fingers through his hair. He's happy to have found someone who loves n looks after him.

Barbatos

Uses it all the fuckin time, and whats frustrating is that he does so bc its ur title, however, theres always that twinkle in his eyes when he does so. Bastard.

Simeon

Sweet bean. Ray of sunshine. Uses ur title when he's bein mischievous and/or a little shit. Does shit like bites his bottom lip, places a hand under his chin n looks up at u w those big eyes. Epitome of Britney Spears Oops I Did It Again and u love every second of it.

Solomon

Colossal prick. How u managed to get into a pack w him is a mystery to all. Will he use it to his advantage? yes. Do u care? no not really. Another cat be to be sure.

[tsukkiseasalt]

Eyes That Won’t Wonder

1

description: after the death of your former patient you are assigned to Mr. Wakatoshi, a quiet, handsome, older gentleman who quite frankly doesn’t know how to keep his hands to himself or his dick in his pants.

warning this story will contain: smut, smut & more smut. specifically breeding, anal, dirty talk, friends fucking, camboy bokuto, himbo bokuto, &so much more!

“Is this what you wanted, to be bent over in a filthy public bathroom and used as a human cum disposal?” He grunted into your ear, voice thick and full with lust.

This isn't what you had at all expected when you had gotten assigned to him, and in all honesty you didn’t even think you’d like him; nonetheless, you agreed with him. “Y-yes sir.”

 “Who would have ever thought the sweet girl that I met not even five months would be so fucking eager to get fucked and filled in such a place like this?” His words caused your head to spin. An array of struggled moans slipped past his thick fingers which he had shoved between your puffy red pout and down your throat which had previously been occupied by his cock. 

“It’s ok though doll, I’ve wanted this too.” He groaned, snapping his hips forward. 

His free hand that was knotted into your hair yanked you up and forced you to look in the mirror in front of you. You didn't even recognize yourself like this, but this is what you wanted after all right.

↺

The morning sun that filtered through the curtains danced on your cheeks while you scrolled aimlessly on your phone. 

“Hey, hey, hey.!.” You heard as the door opened revealing your bubbly bright eyed roommate. A small smile graced your face as he laid down beside you wrapping a thick arm around you. 

“Hey.” You said putting your phone down looking down at him.

“You ready for today?” He asked rubbing circles on your thighs, fingertips rough on your skin.

You shrugged as you watched him, “I guess so, it's been kinda hard since Washijō passed.”

Bokuoto’s usual smile turned into a slight frown as you mentioned your old patient turned friend. “He’s not suffering anymore.” He said quietly, trying to comfort you. 

“ I know, I just miss the old geezer sometimes.” You mumble letting your fingers glide through his two-toned locks. “But the report says that the new guy, Ushi-something, is only in his late 50’s.”

Bokuto now wore a puzzled expression on his face. “That’s not exactly old.”

“I know, but hey at least he’s not on his deathbed.” You say knocking on your wooden nightstand.

He laughed at the gesture and rolled off you. “It’s almost 7, so you should probably start getting ready if you're gonna be there by 7:30.” 

“I know but the bed is so comfortable.” You whined stretching out over the entirety of the space.

“I bet it won't be so comfortable after your in it everyday when you get fired for missing your first day back in three weeks.” He sassed hands on his hips. 

“Shouldn’t you be getting fucked in the ass or something?” You questioned whipping your head around to look at him.

He gasped and threw a shirt that was on the floor at you. “I do the fucking thank you very much!” He exclaimed dramatically as he sauntered out of your room.

“Tell that lie to someone who’s going to believe you miss butt-plug.” You yelled rolling off the bed and onto the floor with a thump. “Ow.”

“I hate you!” He screamed. “I’m getting a new roommate!”

“ Good luck finding someone who will disinfect your toys while you're at the gym.” You retaliate, digging through your dresser to find your scrubs.

“You did that out of your own free will.” He said, popping his head into your door throwing something at you. Your scrubs.

“Thanks love.” You smile.

“Still hate you.” He says crossing his arms in your doorway. You amble over to him and get on your tiptoes planting a wet kiss on his cheek. “Still hate me now.”

“Y-yes, what the fuck was that supposed to do?” He asked, wiping his cheek.

“I dunno, worked in highschool.” You shrugged, pulling your shirt off revealing your chest along with the rest of your unclothed body. 

“Getting naked won't work either.”

“Why? Am I not sexy anymore?” You fake pouted, pulling your bra on along with your top.

“No, still very sexy, I've just developed an immunity for it.” He said matter of factly. 

“Hmmm.” You mumbled pulling up your pants. “Guess i'll just have to find a new way to get you to love me.” You mumbled purposely grazing his cock as you pushed past him to get to the bathroom. “But if I do say so myself, it doesn't feel like you’ve developed an immunity. Felt hard as a rock to me.” 

“Hey hey hey, don’t get me all worked up just to leave for work.” He mumbled, reaching a long arm out to pull you to him by your waist. You could feel his breath against your lips as his skilled fingers worked into your waistband and started to knead your ass like it was bread dough.

“No no, you hate me, remember.” You say reaching around grabbing his hand and forcing him to stop. 

“I was just kidding bro, please don’t do this. I haven’t gotten to touch you in forever please mamas.” He pleaded, emphasizing the last word, seeing as to how he knew it was your weakness. 

“Don’t you have a boyfriend.” You mumbled tilting your head back ever so slightly so he could plant light kisses in all the places he knew you liked them most. 

“Open relationship.” He mumbled into your skin. “And kaashi specifically said i can have you whenever i pleased.”

“Oh really.” You moaned as he sucked on the flesh just beneath your earlobe.

“Yep, he actually wanted you to shoot a scene with us.” He groaned, grinding his length into your stomach. 

“Fuck, Bo, I’m gonna be late.” You moaned as he rubbed around your tight pucker before pushing past the tight muscles.

“No you're not, I can do this while you get ready.” He whispered lowly in your ear. 

“Fuck, fine.” You moan, hands grabbing at his hair. He lifts you and takes you to the bathroom placing you down in front of the sink. You moan as he pulls your pants down immediately falling to his knees, tongue darting out to lap your hole. “Oh my fuck.” You whine, grabbing your toothbrush. You have to really focus and resist the urge to spread your cheeks so he could have better access to you in order to put the toothpaste on the toothbrush.

“Yum.” He groans and brings his hands to spread you out almost as though he had read your mind. You shove your hips back further into his face as you brush your teeth, struggling to keep your head up. 

“Fuck, I’ve been wanting to do that for so long.” He says getting up and grabbing the bottle of lube off the counter. He squirts some on his fingers and massages it into your hole and pulls his sweats down to lather the remainder of it onto his cock. You spit as he pushes into you. Slowly but surely he thrusts into you, hands harshly gripping your ass. 

“Fuck.” You whine, hands gripping the edge of this sink as you struggle to keep you composure.

“That’s what I'm doing.” He mumbles wickedly in your ear. You cry out as he begins hitting your g-spot repeatedly. 

“Gunna, c-cum.” You manage your head falling onto the countertop. He speeds up his thrust and you can feel him begin to twitch in you motioning that he’s now chasing his own release. 

“Fuckkkk!” You exclaim legs quivering as you squirt all onto your bottoms and the floor beneath you. 

“Shit.” He groans slamming into you one final time before he pulls out and finishes on your ass.

You both huff as you catch your breath. 

“Dammit now I gotta change, and I still havent done my makeup.” You sigh pulling your head off the cool porcelain. 

“Here.” He says handing you a moist towel. “You clean yourself up and I'll go get your other scrubs.” 

You nod to him kinda as a silent thank you and then he disappears to get your other uniform. You step out of your drenched bottoms and pull your top over your head tossing them in the basket in the corner. You gently wipe the remaining lube from your ass and your juices from your legs before tossing the towel in the basket as well.

“Here.” He says handing you an identical uniform to the one you just took off. You hurriedly slide them on and rush back to your room to get your phone.

“Have you seen my bag…” You trail off as you see him standing with it in hand beside the door. 

“Thanks.”You say, grabbing it. “And do the laundry.”

“You can't ask nicely?” He huffs causing you to roll your eyes.

“Do the fucking laudry or ill shove that so far down your fucking throat itll come out of that pretty plump little behind of yours.” You say sweetly pointing at that large purple dildo sitting on the couch.

“You think my ass is plump huh?” He smirks, leaning against the door.

“Laundry.” You say sternly.

“Fine.” He mumbles now rolling his eyes. He opens the door allowing you out. 

“Be safe.” He waves as you open your car door.

“Kk, don’t burn the house down.” You wave back. 

“No promises.” He says smiling innocently before slamming the door. 

Shaking your head you get in and set off in the direction that the GPS instructs. 

“Nice, made it in time and with time to spare.” You mumble to yourself sliding your watch onto your wrist. You pulled up to the gate, typed in the numbers that were scribbled at the bottom of the paper, and thankfully it opened without a struggle. You slowly drove up the long driveway admiring the array of greenery that was along the path. 

“Goodness.” You gawked once you caught sight of the house. It was huge. “Who the hell even is this guy?” You mumble parking in front. You pull out the paper and scan over it. There isn’t much beside the fact that he had back surgery two years back. That was odd, he was only 59, and only had one major issue. Usually the company wouldn't even send someone out unless that patient was in their late 60’s and had major health issues- Washijō for example, he was 83, had two bum knees as well as a new hip. Compared to him this new guy- Ushijima Wakatoshi- was a spring chicken in your eyes.

Shrugging you grabbed your bag and headed for the front door, again admiring the beauty of the home. You grab the knocker and give it two big hits and wait. Moments later you hear the lock on the other side turning. The door opens revealing a handsome man with golden eyes, olive hair and a tall build. 

“You must be Mr. Wakatoshi’s son, I hope I'm not pronouncing that incorrectly, I’m his new home health aid” You smile, eyes wandering down to his bare chest. He’s almost in as great shape as Bo & he’s probably twice his age. You think to yourself, eyes glancing at his biceps before making eye contact with him again. 

He lets out a sound that resembles a cough and you realize that's his laugh. “You pronounced it just fine, and no, I’m Mr. Wakatoshi.” If not for the words you would have been drooling at the low rasp that was his voice.

“What, what!” You shriek.

i was really hornknee when i came up with this concept. lets see where it gets me :)

[liechi-berry-imagines]

Suppose their (soon to be) s/o's a grunt in their organization, how would each of the pokevillains go about with seducing them into staying by their side and (more importantly) joining them in the bedroom? 👀💦

*cracks knuckles* I'll try my best 👀💦

Giovanni

He wouldnt do much of anything at first, just watching them from a distance. He will start calling them more and more to his office to do random tasks. One day when they're cleaning his desk off while he watches from behind in his desk chair, he slowly wraps his hands around their waist and pull them into his lap. He tells them that they caught his eye and wants them by his side, more than just a grunt and he will pay anything for it. While his hands are on their thighs.

ORAS archie

He invited them over to go surfing after work. After they tell him taht they dont know how to surf, he takes this opportunity to teach them. He tries to hide his blush when seeing them in their swimsuit. He gets a surfboard that's for beginners and goes on to teach them. When in the water, the grunt is having difficulty and is stiff, while on their knees trying to stand on the surfboard. After a few hours of this, they get back to the base and are going to change into dry clothes. Archie says he has a new uniform in his room. After they follow him there, he pins them to the wall, moves his head closer and kiss their cheek, saying how good they are doing today, but itll be better if they were by his side instead.

ORAS Maxie

Once they catch his eye, he doesnt know what to do. As is been a long while since he had a crush or anything, it hit him like a truck. After a while of thinking it through, he finds an idea to slowly get closer. He would ask them to do coffee runs for him everyday, and he would compliment something about them. Compliments like "I love how your hair looks today" and he would feel amazing seeing their face light up and them smiling at that. One day he pretends to "accidentally" spill coffee on their shirt, and apologize. Then he says it's okay if they took their shirt off there, he wouldnt mind. They blush and giggle a little, and Maxie blushes realizing what he said. "Or I can take it off for you" he says in a purr as he gets closer, holding the bottom of their shirt.

RSE Archie

He would probably be flirtatious, always wanting this grunt to feel his muscles or something. Even asks if he can massage them after hard days. One day after a very difficult mission, he calls them to his room. Once they get there, he asks if they need another massage. After the nod shyly, he asks if they can lay down on his bed as it's easier. Once they lay on their belly and get gets ontop of them to message their shoulders and back, he tries to hold himself back from just ravaging them. As he slowly and deeply message them, they make low moans and stick their butt up against his crotch. He instantly because hard and just starts grinding into them

RSE Maxie

He would make missions where it's only the two of them. He will get closer by each one they do, but he will act distant just to make the grunt confused. Sometimes he will "accidentally" brush up against them and pretend he didnt mean it at all. One time they make a mistake during a mission and after they get back to the base, he calls them to his quarters. They sit on the couch across from his desk nervously, an he glares holes into them, but smirks. He stands up, slowly walking over to them, and tells them to look at him. He grabs their wraith to stand up and holds them in his grasp tightly. He starts saying what hes been planning for this long, but the grunt doesnt focus in his words, they just stand there blushing as he grinds into them while he speaks. He grabs the back of their hair and kisses them, it escalates

Cyrus

He doesn't know he likes the grunt at first. He starts giving the grunt more attention and special tasks without realizing, as well as giving them extra speeches during a coffee break or something. The admins found out and would tease him, then they would get pinched for doing it. Once he realizes he has...feelings for someone, he locks himself in his room. During this time is when this grunt and him share time by having coffee together. When they get there and see its locked, they get worried. They knock, and here sniffling. After some persuading, he unlocks the door slowly. They step in and see him. He takes a depe breath and explains everything. Then he gets over confident, and grabs them in for a deep kiss. Its sloppy but they dont care. The grunt kicks the door closed and deepens the kiss

Ghetsis:

He would treat them like a queen/king/anything in between. He would give compliments but it would sound kinda condescending but its better than what he says about everyone else. Hed invite them to his place in the base to hear an important speech that you have to tell the people of Unova, while they write down what he wants, he plays with their hair which is kinda distracting. After hes done with what they wrote down for it. He will take their hand and lead them to his bedroom. Saying he has another thing in mind.

Lysandre

Once he starts getting feelings for this grunt, he would start to invite them to his cafe, give them free lunches and coffee whenever they please. He would compliment them everyday and get them to help him more with Team Flares plans. Hed also give them a rare Holo Caster, with his number on it. One day he asks them out to a fancy restaurant and they can order anything off of the menu, he wouldnt mind. After an evening of that, he will hold their hands and ask them if they wanna join him in his room, after they say yes, he will gently carry them to his room and his room already looks set up with candles and everything, showing that he was planning on something

Guzma:

He would walk with them to and from the old mansion to missions and would worry about them. He would check in on them alot because he knows people are assholes. One time he saw another grunt slap their ass and that grunt wasnt seen again. He called them to his room after that to talk. Once the grunt got there, he apologized for what that other grunt did even though it wasnt his fault. He Pat's his lap and asks with a smirk if sitting in his lap will make them feel better. He then started kissing anywhere he can and holding them tightly with his strong arms, calling them so many nice things. He picked them up and flopped them in the bed 💦

Lusamine

She would notice how good they are at the aether foundation and treat them for a day with her to online shop. She buys them anything they like. She looks at them, "you know I can be your sugar mommy right?" she giggles. " But that means pulled have to pay me back in physical attention~" she strokes their face with her slender fingers. "What do you say?" She says how cute of a sugar baby they would be. After they agree, she makes them straddle her on the desk and pulls them in for a deep kiss

[jamesvanriemsdyk]

Hi James! Question for your hockey brain as a Nol Pat and Flyers fan (and I think you’re those things in a way that are not as bound up in one another as they are for me which is why I’m asking you... that and bc I really like and respect your hockey thoughts and opinions):

I was listening to a podcast today and they were all going around saying who needs to make huge strides next season. The last person to go (after more obvious things like uh, goaltending and defense) said Nolan which I obviously don’t disagree with because by just about every measure he hasn’t had a good season though I think him playing as much as he did in this weird season was pretty good all things considered. I think it’s still pretty possible the Flyers resign him for another one year contract this summer but obviously see plenty of chatter on Twitter that maybe it’s best he and the org part ways.

So this is a truly ridiculous amount of context to my question: do you think Nolan can still succeed with the Flyers next year/going forward and what do you think needs to happen to make that possible? I really want to see him succeed within the organization because who wouldn’t want that for a player they’ve grown to really like on their favorite hockey team! Not to mention I remember being so excited at getting the second pick and I still want that to work out long term even if at this point that was a while ago. But yea, if it’s not gonna work I guess it’s not gonna work and better for all to move on? I have a lot of thoughts in both directions on this... just curious to pick your brain on yours. Thanks 😊!

alright so here’s the deal.

i dont know why on earth people got it in their heads that nolan was going to have some sort of phenomenal, superstar season. hes a good player! he is! but he missed over a year of professional hockey, and part of that time, he wasnt able to get on the ice at ALL because of covid. his season has been exactly what it shouldve been, not to mention his puck luck has kinda sucked and his numbers arent even indicative of how good he’s been. he’s gotten way more special team minutes than i thought he would and its been really good for him to boot! so like, do i expect to see improvement next year? yes! do i think its like, unfathomable that he hasnt been a 20 goal scorer? no! he needed time to find his feet again and figure out how to manage pro hockey, not to mention the added obstacles of covid and the holes in the flyers lineup.

i think this is one of those situations where neither answer is wrong. could nolan find success within the organization? yeah, i think so, if they do the right things and find a coach that is much, much better at handling the development of young players. could he also find success outside the organization given the exact same parameters? yeah! if the flyers decide they dont think the effort is worth the output and trade him to a team better suited to developing young players, then he could find success there too. i think mostly it just comes down to how the flyers decide to support nolan’s development from here, and that could be within the organization, but trading players is sometimes just another way to support player development. the bottom line here is we all just need to take a breath, see how the offseason plays out, and be patient. itll play itself out, and whatever happens will happen.

[marvxlousqueen]

Warren Worthington- Dumbass

requested: Hey could you do a Warren x Reader where they don't get along (all that good angry flirtatious arguing energy) but they get stuck trapped somewhere when a mission goes wrong and he has a cut or something on his back and she has to like clean it or stitch it up or something but she keeps brushing her hands over his wings bc it's really close to them & he gets all ooh lala and then there's smut? Especially if it's all angry sexy time bc they don't like each other but then it's fluffy at the end?

A/N: hi so this is short but i have a lot of requests to do so pls bare w me :) ALSO this is bad bc i havent written in so long but itll get better (i hope ahha)

word count: 1000 exactly lmao

warnings: cussing, smut, choking if you squint, unprotected sex bc i’m too lazy to write in a condom

It took all of 30 seconds for the mission to go completely fucking sideways. They were supposed to be taking down an enemy plane, nice and easy, just like they had done in the past. But maybe... (Y/n) pushed a little too hard with the fire and accidentally caught Kurt’s tail on fire... and maybe Kurt panicked and bamfed out of there, leaving his station open.. which maybe left Warren unguarded while he was on look out... which maybe led to both (Y/n) and Warren to get captured while the rest of the crew barely got away. But she would never admit that. 

“This is all your fault! If you hadn’t tried to take on three guys at once then you wouldn’t have blown up Kurt!” 

(Y/n) rolled her eyes from her corner, “It was not three guys! It was only two and I did NOT blow up Kurt! He bailed on the mission so it’s not my fault!”

“Either way, I got shot with burning hot metal from your end and attacked by dudes from Kurt’s end so I’m gonna blame you.”

“Fine then.”

“Fine.”

 They were currently sitting across from each other in a small cell on the enemy territory, waiting for the others to return and bust them out. 

“Actually, by the way-” (Y/n) wasn’t about to lose this argument against Warren of all people. She couldn’t stand the guy- his cocky attitude or his huge ego. God he was annoying as fuck.

“Just shut up, (Y/n).”

“No! You can’t blame this on me-”

“Shut up! You’re giving me a headache.”

“Make me, asshole.”

He opened his eyes and looked towards her, “make you?”

“Unless you’re scared, Worthington.”

“Fine, princess,” He stood up and walked towards her side of the cell.

“I hate when you call me that, you know.”

He smirked, “Sure you do.”

Suddenly, he went in for a kiss, grabbing her hips and pulling her towards him. (Y/n)’s eyes went wide at first, but slowly she relaxed into it. He bit her bottom lip, asking her to open her mouth. As soon as she did, his tongue entered, exploring her mouth. His hands moved from her hips to her ass, grabbing it.

He pulled out of the kiss, “Are you okay with this?”

Out of breath, she only nodded, grabbing his hair and pulling him back in. Without a bed in the cell, he had nowhere to move towards except the wall. She felt her back come in contact with the cold brick while her hands moved to slide up his shirt, tracing over his muscles. Warren pulled away and struggled to get his shirt off and over his wings, during which (Y/n) slipped off her shirt and pants. 

When he looked up again, she was just in her bra and underwear. 

“Jesus Christ.”

“Nope, it’s just me.”

Warren rolled his eyes while (Y/n) held back her laughs. “God, shut up. That was terrible.”

(Y/n) quickly came back into focus as Warren started on his belt. 

“Let me get that.”

She sunk to her knees, putting her clothes under her to make it more comfortable. Then her hands moved to unbuckle his belt and shimmy his pants down. Once they hit the floor, Warren let out a sigh of relief, no longer constrained against the tight material. 

(Y/n) worked on palming him through his boxers. Warren’s voice got caught in his throat the second her hand slipped under the thin fabric and ghosted along him. 

“F-fuck.”

She wrapped her hand around him and felt him grow harder in her grasp. (Y/n) used her thumb to spread the precum from his dripping tip and pump him a few times. Warren’s moans were like heaven. 

“O-oh fuck-(Y/n)”

She finally pulled his boxers all the way down, taking his tip in her mouth, sucking hard on it.

“God-fuck” Warren pulled her off by her hair, “As-fuck- as much as I love that, I don’t want to finish too early. How about your turn?”

(Y/n) stood back up and pulled Warren in for another kiss while his fingers wondered down towards her pussy. He used her slick to wet his fingers before slipping one in. His lips moved to her neck as he added another finger, thrusting in faster now. (Y/n) wasn’t sure what to focus on- his lips sucking a hickey on her neck or his long fingers rubbing against her sweet spot.

“Warren-please”

He pulled his fingers out, sucking them clean, “please what?”

“You know what.”

He pushed her against the wall once again, “I want to hear you say it, princess.”

“Please fuck me.” 

Warren lifted one of her legs up to his waist and swiped his tip over her entranced, lubing himself up with her natural juices. “You ready?”

She nodded and he pushed the tip in, “fuck,” they both said.

Warren let out a groan as he pushed all the way in, (Y/n) gasping when he was finally fully sheathed inside of her. 

Warren pulled his hips back and pushed forward slowly, making (Y/n)’s nails scrape down his back, hitting his sensitive spot between his wings.

“Shit-”

Warren began to snap his hips back and forth, groaning in (Y/n)’s ear as she moaned in his. He gained speed as he pistoned in and out of her quicker and quicker.

“Jesus-fuck Warren-”

With her nails scratching in just the right spot and the clenching of her walls, Warren knew he couldn’t last much longer. He moved a hand to her throat and squeezed, making (Y/n) scream out. 

After a few more thrusts Warren finished and dropped to his knees to finish off (Y/n). She came soon after, legs trembling as Warren’s tongue explored deep inside of her.

The two took a second to catch their breath before getting dressed again.

“so... can we do that again sometime?”

(Y/n) looked at Warren, eyes wide in shock after truly realizing what happened, “Fuck yes.”

taglist: @chocolatealmondmilkshake@thoughtlesspace@chxrrymoons@babebenhardy@rexorangecouny@cyndagoaway@killcomet@mcrmarvelloki@queen-turtle-boiii@hardlylo@ziggymay@onceuponadetectivedemigod @ixchel-9275@queen-baelin @radiob-l-a-hblah@kurt-nightcrawler@kellypenac@disaster-rose​

hmu to be added!

[thathopelessromantic]

Reckless Good (6/?)

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia/My Hero Academia Fic Rating: Explicit Chapter Rating: Teen+ Pairing: Todoroki Shouto/Midoriya Izuku Note: Thanks again for your amazing support so far! I really appreciate all of you and your comments have been making my weeks since posting <3 This fic will be going on a short hiatus...I'm not sure how long it will be but July has been shockingly busy this year and has only continued to get crazier so I need a little more time to write more of this fic 

Todoroki Shouto had accepted his fate as a public figure when he became a pro-hero, but there are some parts of his private life he would like to stay private. When he gets invited to be a speaker in a college lecture series, he goes to the meeting with one goal: to give the coordinator a piece of his mind and finally put an end to people hounding him for information about his family.

The last thing he expects is the curious, and quirkless, hero- and quirk-study professor, Midoriya Izuku, who has no interest in his family’s history, and, somehow, even more ties to the hero industry than Shouto. Intrigued by the professor, Shouto tentatively agrees to the lecture series, unknowingly intertwining their futures.

But the more Todoroki sees of Midoriya, the more questions he has. When a villain attack leaves them living together until the culprits are apprehended, maybe he’ll finally get some answers.

AO3: (x) Beginning/Chapter One: (x) Previous Chapter: (X) TDDKBB2021 Companion Art: (X)

It’s been three days since the debriefing, and Shouto hasn’t been able to think about much else besides the weirdness of everything that happened in the meeting. Even now, standing under the scalding spray of his shower, he’s going through the motions, but his mind is in the hallway outside the conference room with Ingenium.

“I’m sorry about lying to you regarding Architect,” Ingenium had said solemnly. They’ve grown and their costumes had both changed since then, but without his helmet on, head bent to discuss something quietly, Shouto was reminded of the in-class exercises they used to do in high school. Off to the side in a hallway, as if creating a strategy. Somehow adult-Ingenium had gotten even more serious than his high school counterpart. “I know it was wrong to mislead you, but I knew he meant no harm. I knew he could help with Kou.”

“How?” Shouto had asked, but even then he had a feeling he knew the answer.

“…I’ve worked with him before,” Ingenium admitted. “I know the law, but he…he just wants to help people. And he does good hero work.”

Ingenium couldn’t say afterwards if he thought Architect would still somehow help the case. He knew he would want to, but with more people involved, and more people who knew he had been there before, it would be harder. Shouto can’t articulate exactly why, but somehow knowing he might be what brings more scrutiny towards Architect makes him feel…guilty? It’s not his fault that he didn’t know, nor is it his fault Architect is technically doing something illegal, but he feels guilty anyways.

Shouto’s phone chimes just as he steps out of the shower. Even before he checks it, he knows it’s a new text from Midoriya. While Shouto has thought of little else but the weirdness that had transpired at the debriefing for the last three days, Midoriya has acted as if it never happened. He had been quiet the rest of the day afterwards, but the next day Midoriya had picked up their text chat where they had left off as if nothing had happened. The few times Shouto tried to broach the topic of Midoriya’s behavior at the debriefing, his contacts with heroes, the vigilante Architect, anything from the debriefing, all he got was an abrupt subject change or radio silence for a few hours. After a day and a half of the back and forth, Shouto gave up pushing the subject. For now.

Shouto slings a towel around his hips and grabs his phone off the counter. There’s a new picture attached to the message. Midoriya’s scarred hand holds a large navy book out in front of the camera. The sidewalk serving as a background and the blurred edges of the image suggests he was walking somewhere as he took the picture.

I found a copy of the book!! The text underneath reads.

Shouto can’t make out any title in the picture, but he knows what book it is anyways. There was only one they had really discussed in-depth that would warrant such an excited text. It was an early study of dual quirks. Apparently, according to Midoriya, some of the information and conclusions they came to is now outdated but it is still considered one of the best introductory texts for understanding how dual quirks come about with inheritance. He had been suggesting it to Shouto practically since they had started their text conversation.

Another text comes in before Shouto can come up with a reply.

I can keep this copy in my office, if you would like to come by for it sometime.

Shouto wouldn’t mind going by the professor’s office again. It wasn’t that far out of his way, and it would be a good excuse to see him and talk to him some more – either about quirks, or whatever the hell was going on at the debriefing in an environment he can’t escape so easily. But as he mentally goes through his schedule thinking of a time he might be able to get there, it would be at least another week, if not two.

Shouto grimaces, running a hand over his face.

between normal wrk nd this new case itll be a while…

Of course I understand you’re busy! Oh unless you wanted to read it sooner

Shouto glances at the time. He still has almost two and a half hours before his next shift starts. It would be enough time. Probably. Depending on how long it takes to get Midoriya to agree. He has an idea but he knows Midoriya isn’t going to like it.

are u in musutafu now?

Yes. Of course! I could drop it off at your agency!

i was thinking just my apartment

Shouto puts his phone down to find something to wear. He doesn’t usually wear normal clothes under his uniform, but he figures he has a little while before he needs to change into it. He expects to get a flurry of messages protesting his suggestion as he finds and pulls on a pair of sweatpants, but a full three minutes pass before his phone chimes with another message. It just reads: what, lacking even Midoriya’s usual proper grammar and capitalization.

Shouto snorts. He knew he wasn’t going to like it.

im at the hospital on guard today and ill be out of the office the next few days. it would be quicker

That does set off the flurry of texts he expected the first time, Midoriya insisting that wasn’t necessary and he didn’t need to read it that quickly and a few that just said no a few times. The texts are still coming in, the notification that he’s typing still lit up on the screen, when Shouto presses the phone icon next to his name and starts a call.

The phone starts to ring. And then continues to ring for so long, Shouto thinks he’s going to go to voicemail, when Midoriya suddenly answers. There’s a shuffle on the other line for a moment.

“Entro-er, Todoro…hello?” Midoriya says.

“Hello, Midoriya,” Shouto replies.

Shouto’s simple greeting seems to knock Midoriya out of his stupor, because he immediately jumps back into his protests, picking right back up where he left off in his texts. Shouto waits until he has to stop to take a breath.

“I figured you would really frown upon me texting you my address, so I thought I’d call. Do you have something to write with?”

Midoriya sputters for a moment before he sighs. “You…yeah, go ahead.”

Shouto blinks in surprise. He really expected more of a protest than that. Still, he rattles off the address before Midoriya comes to his senses and changes his mind. Midoriya has him repeat it once, just to be sure he copied everything down correctly.

“Okay. I guess I will see you in a few minutes,” Midoriya says, sounding resigned.

Shouto almost laughs at the tone. “You don’t actually have to bring it to me if it’s any trouble. I can get it from the office eventually.”

“No, I don’t mind and it’s not that far out of the way actually,” Midoriya admits. “I’m a little concerned by your complete disregard for privacy or self-preservation but otherwise, it’s no trouble.”

“‘A lack of self-preservation and privacy’ is pretty much in my job description.”

Midoriya sighs. There’s some quiet mumbling Shouto can’t make out through the phone before Midoriya seems to give up on arguing the point for the moment and says his goodbye.

Shouto plugs his phone in by the bed to charge until he has to leave. Monarch and Momo still haven’t let go of the last time his phone died while he was on duty and he’s sure even being away from the agency for the next few days won’t save him from their ire if it happens again.

Shouto is still toweling off his hair when there’s a knock on his door. He glances at the clock on his wall, but even without the visual confirmation, he knows it has only been a few minutes since his call with Midoriya had ended. It was unlikely he found his apartment that quickly. He throws the towel over the bar in the bathroom and grabs a t-shirt on his way out of his room.

He opens the front door, expecting to see one of his neighbors in the hall. Instead, it is Midoriya staring at him from the other side of the door. He looks almost the exact same as the first time they had met with his thin, crooked wire frame glasses and oversized leather satchel hanging at his side. Though he had replaced his ill-fitting cardigan with a Froppy sweatshirt and a jean jacket over a button-up. Midoriya’s eyes scan over him quickly, pausing briefly at his middle before jumping back to his face and then to the space next to his head.

“Hello,” Midoriya manages quietly.

Shouto tugs the bottom of his shirt the rest of the way down.

“Hello. I…wasn’t expecting you to find the place so quickly,” he replies simply.

“Um, yes, it was closer than I realized too,” Midoriya finally looks him in the eye again, only to look away a moment later to bow his head. “I’m sorry, I should have announced myself somehow.”

“It’s fine, Midoriya. I’m glad you didn’t have to go too far out of your way.”

They stand in an awkward silence for a moment before they both seem to remember themselves and try to speak again.

Midoriya fumbles with the leather bag at his side, searching for the book. “Right, I’m sure you need to finish getting ready for work-” he starts to say.

At the same time, Shouto steps back, opening his door further. “Would you like to come in?”

Midoriya stares at him in surprise for a moment before his gaze jumps to something behind Shouto, brow furrowing.

“Todoroki, do you live alone?”

“Um, yes?” Shouto glances over his shoulder but doesn’t see whatever it was that Midoriya must have seen.

He turns back around, but Midoriya is still staring hard at something in the distance.

“Midoriya, what did-"

A loud crash of breaking glass cuts off the rest of Shouto’s question. Midoriya reacts a second before him, grabbing Shouto’s arm and throwing them both down the hall, away from his door as flames erupt in the apartment behind him.

They tumble to the ground. Shouto lands hard on his back as they roll for a moment, the floor below him and Midoriya landing heavily on top of him knocking the air from his lungs. One of Midoriya’s hands cushioned his head in the fall, but he pulls it back quickly as if Shouto burned him.

Midoriya quickly lifts himself up, carefully checking Shouto over. “Are you alright?”

Shouto nods, not yet ready to try speaking again. The sound of a vicious fire cracks behind them and the smell of smoke is already starting to fill the hallway. Whatever was thrown has a fast-moving fire and Shouto can feel the heat even from a few feet away.

“Will your fire alarm alert the authorities?”

Shouto pushes himself to a sitting position . “Don’t have a fire alarm,” he chokes out. They really need to move. “They go off too easily.”

Midoriya stares at him for a moment like he’s lost his mind before realization dawns. “Right your quirk would probably make that a pain. Okay, I’ll call for help. But we need to get as many people out as we can before they get here.”

Shouto climbs to his feet, using the wall to hold himself up for the moment. Everything seems to feel okay, so he doesn’t think he’s injured, just winded. Midoriya looks worried but he still scrambles to his feet a moment later.

“I can get my upstairs neighbors out,” Shouto says.

“I’ll help everyone below evacuate,” Midoriya offers before Shouto has barely finished speaking. He takes off for the stairwell, glancing back at the last second. “Be careful, Todoroki.”

Shouto stares after him for a moment, incredulous. ‘I’m the pro in this situation,’ he wants to remind Midoriya. ‘And probably marginally more fire-resistant than you.’ “You too,” is all he manages instead as the stairwell door swings shut behind Midoriya. Faintly, Shouto remembers another time he watched a civilian run head-long into trouble, but he brushes off the otherwise long-forgotten memory. It was so long ago, he’s not sure what dredged up the old memory, but dwelling on it won’t help anyone right now.

Shouto forces himself away from the door and his desire to go after the apparently reckless, mysterious, crazy-overachieving civilian he just let run into danger and heads for his closest neighbor. There are only three apartments on each floor. The one next to him has been empty for months, and usually both of the Fukudas were at work during this time of day, but he pounds on the door just to be safe, calling for them both. Smoke is finally beginning to fill the hallway and he knows it will only be another minute or two before the fire itself begins to crawl its way out of the apartment too.

Shouto breaks through the door, calling for either of the Fukudas to answer as he darts through the handful of rooms laid out in a mirror of his own familiar apartment. Satisfied that it is empty, he goes back to the hall heading for the stairs. He can feel his right side rapidly growing colder as his quirk tries to regulate his body temperature. The overheated air burns his already sore chest as he runs.

Shouto is already shouting as he reaches the next floor, hoping to alert as many of his neighbors as he can. One door opens as he throws himself down the hall, an older woman looking at him suspiciously through the crack in her door. For once he’s thankful for his unique appearance because he sees recognition dawn on her a moment later, even without his hero suit.

“A fire started on the floor below, I’m trying to evacuate everyone on this floor and the next, if you have anyone home with you, get them!”

The woman nods in understanding, throwing her door open and running back into the apartment calling for someone. Shouto goes to the next closest apartment, banging on the door and calling for anyone who might be inside. The door to the apartment next door opens and a man looks out.

“What is all the racket about? They went to their parents for the week, no one is in there.”

“The apartment is empty right now?”

The man glares at him, but Shouto pushes on before he can start an argument with him. The first woman comes out of her apartment with her grandson and a small dog in tow. “Sir, there is a fire on the floor below. We’re evacuating everyone.”

The man still looks like he wants to argue, but a moment later the sound of sirens grows louder as help arrives on the scene and that seems to be enough to convince him to cooperate. The three tenants follow him up the stairs to the last floor. Two of the three doors are already open, the tenants looking out obviously wondering what all the noise is about. The woman and her grandson greet one of the two women, immediately filling them in on what’s going on. Shouto goes to the last door.

“She’s at work,” one of the women calls to him. “She lives alone. Except for a cat.”

Shouto nods his thanks for the information. “I’ll go in to get the cat. Do either of you have a window that faces the front of the building?”

The other woman raises her hand. “I do!”

“Please take everyone into your apartment, clear a space in front of the window if necessary and I’ll be there in just a moment.” Shouto instructs. He waits just a moment to make sure everyone is complying before he forces the last door open. The cat in question makes itself known immediately, rushing to the door crying for attention before it realizes he is not their owner. The cat turns tail and darts deeper into the apartment.

Cursing, Shouto uses ice to create a small blockade in the hall that leads to the bedroom and bathroom, limiting the cat’s escape routes as he darts after it, sliding across the hardwood floor leading into the hallway. He catches himself on the wall just as the cat skids to a halt before the ice, trying to turn quickly but the floor is more slippery than its accustomed to and Shouto manages to grab it as it struggles to find its footing. He gets a few heavy scratches across his arms for his trouble, and the cat does its best to escape his hold, but he manages to get it out of the apartment. He wishes he had his tool belt on him, where he might have something that could contain the cat better, and make it easier to transport, but even if the fire-resistant fabric had lasted this long, it wasn’t worth it to try and get back into his apartment for it.

He rejoins his neighbors in the other apartment. Along with the three from the first floor, there are the two women from this floor, one of whom clutches a still-sleeping baby to her chest. From the window he can see the ambulance and two fire engines that have already arrived. And based on the sounds in the distance, the police and at least one more ambulance would not be far behind. Someone offers to take the disgruntled cat from him as he throws open the window.

Smoke is billowing from a window on a lower floor, obscuring his line of sight for a moment as the winds shift. Shouto swears under his breath, he can feel his neighbors growing anxious behind him, but he knows he needs a clear shot of the ground for this to work. It takes a few minutes for the view to clear enough for him to see a good landing place. By then a few people from the lower floors have started to evacuate, and he can see the first responders meeting them as they come out. He can’t tell from here if Midoriya is with them yet, though he has a feeling the answer is no.

Pushing his concerns aside for the moment, Shouto takes a deep breath to focus. Even after all these years of playing catch up, he still has a much better control of his right side than his left, but the overheated air is already putting a strain on his right side as it keeps his body cool. He creates an ice ramp, or perhaps more accurately a slide, from the window to the ground besides one of the fire engines. It’s as far as he dares to go to keep the slide from being too steep without also becoming too thin. He reinforces the part connected to the building and as much of the underside as he can from where he is to keep the fire from melting it down.

He turns back to his gathered neighbors. The adults gathered look unsure at best, if not down right afraid, but the young boy looks excited.

“It’ll be cold going down, but you should be perfectly safe,” Shouto promises. “Who’s first?”

Shouto helps the first woman up to the window. Once she is down safe, the woman with her baby goes, climbing up by herself first before Shouto hands the infant off to her. The young boy volunteers next before his grandmother can stop him, scrambling up to the window and then asking Shouto to hand the dog up to him. The older woman goes next, clutching the terrified cat tightly to her chest as she disappears down the slide.

Shouto waits until the older man safely reaches the bottom after her before he prepares to go down himself. Taking one last look back before he drops, he sees the smoke begin to curl around the edges of the apartment door.

 The fire chief stops Shouto first once he’s down, thanking him for his help evacuating the civilians and asking about the conditions inside. Shouto gives as much information as he can about the fire and where it started. He ignores the concerned expression the chief gives him as he explains how it began. He knows it seems like an attack, and a targeted attack at that, but he doesn’t want to focus on it just yet. Eventually, the chief figures he’s gotten as much as from Shouto as he’s going to for the moment and sends him off towards the paramedics.

Shouto dodges them for the moment, finding the neighbors he helped down first to make sure everyone actually made it down unharmed. Everyone seems okay, the baby somehow still blissfully asleep and the young boy excitedly asks Shouto if he can go down his ice slide again some other time. One of the first responders found a carrying case for the cat until they could get ahold of its actual owner. He recognizes a few of the other neighbors gathered around from the lower floors. A few have shock blankets on and one person is perched in an ambulance with a paramedic attached to an oxygen machine, but there don’t seem to be any major injuries.

Midoriya is arguing with a paramedic, insisting someone else is in more pressing need of care when Shouto finally approaches one of the ambulances.

“What’s that saying about doctors being the worst patients?” Shouto asks.

Midoriya jumps, startled by his arrival, though he quick recovers from his shock to glare at Shouto.

The paramedic throws his hands up. “Entropy, please try and talk some sense into him. This is the fourth time he’s refused care.” The paramedic turns back to Midoriya and waves a warning finger at him. “I’m running out of other patients to look at.” He warns before storming off.

“Are you alright? What happened?” Shouto asks once they’re alone. Midoriya mostly looks okay, his glasses are missing and he’s a little sooty and disheveled, but Shouto figures everyone probably looks about the same in that regard.

“Nothing,” Midoriya starts to say as someone nearby loudly clears their throat over him. Midoriya scowls. “I think I might have landed on my hand funny earlier, but it’s fine, probably just sore.”

Shouto frowns. “You should at least have someone look at it, just in case.”

Midoriya opens his mouth to argue but a ringing phone cuts him off. He fumbles with his phone for a moment, struggling to pull it out of a pocket with his opposite hand. He winces as he finally pulls it out.

“Shit.”

“What?”

“It’s a video call.” Midoriya doesn’t elaborate anymore. He shifts around before he answers, holding the phone up at an angle that keeps his arm and the ambulance mostly out of the camera. He pastes on a bright smile. “Hi, Eri.”

“Oh Izuku, are you okay? I heard you were involved in a fire. Are you injured? What happened?” Dr. Aizawa asks in a rush, her worried face fills the screen. Red eyes move quickly, obviously taking note of Midoriya’s disheveled apperance.

“I’m fine. Everyone’s fine. We’re not sure exactly how it started yet,” he lies. “But no one was hurt.”

“Where are you? I’ll go-”

“No,” Midoriya cuts her off. “I’m fine and I’ll come by the hospital later so you can check me over yourself if you’re really that worried, but I’m fine. And I want to make sure someone is keeping an eye out for Kou.”

“You think this has to do with her?” Dr. Aizawa asks, surprised.

“I’m not sure yet, I would just feel better if I knew there was extra security around her.”

Dr. Aizawa nods. “Okay, Izuku. I’ll make sure someone has an eye on her at all times. I’ll call you later to check up on you.” She says. “And I’ll know if you don’t let the paramedics check on you so don’t even try it this time.” The call ends before Midoriya can refute her last statement.

“I’m supposed to be taking the next shift on the hospital,” Shouto realizes. “I still had another two hours before my shift began when you arrived, but I should let someone know.”

Midoriya offers Shouto his phone. Before Shouto can step away, the paramedic returns with his arms crossed.

“Ready to cooperate?”

Midoriya looks miserably over his shoulder at Shouto but lets the paramedic force him into a seat.

Shouto calls Momo on her private number.

“This is Creati.” Momo answers stiffly after a single ring.

“Momo, it’s Shouto. My phone is…I don’t have my phone right now. There was just a fire-”

“At your apartment building. I know I just got the alert. Are you okay? You were still home, weren’t you?”

“Yes. I’m fine. No one was injured, but they’re still putting out the fire and I’m pretty sure my apartment is gone. It started there.”

Momo takes a long time to reply. “Your quirk?” She finally asks, but she sounds like she already knows the answer.

“No. I think…It seems crazy, but…” Shouto hesitates. He lives on the third floor, but crazier things have probably happened to him. “I think someone threw something through my window to start it.”

Momo curses under her breath. “I was afraid of that. You haven’t heard from anyone else, yet, have you? There was another attack, across town. Not a fire, but a building came down. A few civilians were hurt, and…”

Shouto tries not to lose his patience with Momo as she hesitates.

Finally she sighs. “The latest report from the police just came over the radio. Mr. Smith was one of the only heroes in the area. He was severely injured while helping trapped civilians. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital a few minutes ago. No one’s sure of his status yet.”

“Fuck.” Midoriya was right. “This is about Kou. The girl from before you have to-”

“I know your schedule, Shouto.” Momo interrupts. “As soon as I got the alert I let them know you might have been targeted. Someone has already been assigned to your guard shift and they’ve added extra security to the hospital.”

Shouto feels himself relax for the first time since the fire began. If there’s one thing he can count on, it’s Momo to be on top of things. “Thank you.”

Momo replies with a quiet hum of acknowledgement. “Is there anything else I can do for you right now? Do you need anyone else at the scene?”

“No, everything seems pretty well in hand for now. But if you could let my mother and sister know, that would help. They’ll see it on the news eventually, but even if my phone survived the fire it will probably be a while before I can get it to contact them myself.”

“Of course, I’ll make sure they know you’re alright. Can I contact you on this number again?”

Shouto glances back at Midoriya. He’s, miraculously, still sitting in the ambulance doors letting the paramedic wrap his hand, but he also managed to call over one of the firefighters to discuss something about the attack. “Yeah, you can use this number again.”

“Let me know when you learn something more.”

“I will.”

“I’m really glad you’re okay, Shouto.” Momo says just before she ends the call.

Me too, Shouto thinks, looking around at all the people gathered in front of the apartment. He and Midoriya had managed to get everyone out, but if Shouto had been alone he might not have been quick enough. Hell, if he hadn’t been answering the door at just the right time, he might not have been able to save anyone at all. He would probably be right beside Mr. Smith in the hospital. I just wish it could be said for everyone.

Shouto returns to the ambulance, passing the cell back to Midoriya. Midoriya takes one look at his face and knows.

“You heard about Mr. Smith too?”

Shouto nods. “Creati already sent word to the hospital for extra security and for someone to cover my shift watching Kou.”

Midoriya cracks a small smile. Other than the one he wore to briefly pacify Dr. Aizawa, it’s the first smile Shouto thinks he’s seen from him all day. And bizarrely, it puts him at ease for a moment, lifting some of the weight of the attack.

“Remind me to send her a huge thank you gift when we finally get out of here,” Midoriya says, and even though Momo is just doing her job in her own efficient, overachiever way, he knows Midoriya is serious.

Midoriya moves over, offering the extra space for Shouto to sit down. Another paramedic almost immediately descends on them, finally checking Shouto over for shock, smoke inhalation, over-extended quirk usage, and other injuries. Other than the handful of cat scratches that they clean and bandage, he comes out with a clean bill of health. Midoriya is comparing their injuries, complaining that his “bruised wrist” didn’t need more bandaging than Shouto’s cuts, but while his tone is light, his eyes keep focusing on something in the distance, his attention obviously not on their conversation. Shouto can practically hear the wheels turning in his head as he thinks.

The fire chief eventually joins them as the fire dies down and more of the firefighters exit the building for the last time. “Thank you again, Entropy, for your help evacuating tenants before we arrived. And…Midoriya, was it?”

“Dr. Midoriya,” Shouto corrects when Midoriya simply nods. Midoriya elbows him in the side, but Shouto ignores the jab.

“Dr. Midoriya, thank you for your help as well. That was very brave of you. A number of the tenants I’ve spoken with were extremely grateful for your assistance.”

Midoriya shrugs a shoulder, as if he had truly done nothing of note. “I’m just glad I was in the right place to help, at the right time.”

“Do we know anything else about the fire yet? Or the building?” Shouto asks.

“The fire is mostly out, we just have a few more people inside checking for any hidden fires or areas that weren’t extinguished completely the first time. As for the building…it will take a little while longer to properly assess all the damage but the third floor where it started, and the second and fourth floors, took the most damage. At the very least it will be a day or two before it’s safe for the tenants to move between the floors to get their things.” The chief explains.

Shouto expected about as much, honestly he was prepared to hear worse, but it doesn’t make it easier. “Thank you for letting us know.”

The chief nods. “Of course.”

Shouto turns back to Midoriya as the chief walks away. “Can I borrow your phone one more time?”

Midoriya politely, but unnecessarily, turns away as Shouto crafts a text to Momo.

the tenants will b displaced for at least a few days. can we do smthing abt accommodations for them?

It only takes Momo a few seconds to reply.

Of course. Send me the number of people and their contact information and I’ll take care of everything.

A second text comes in almost immediately.

Will you need something too? You could always stay with me and Kyouka. Or I’m sure your mother would be happy to have you for a few days.

Shouto stares at the message for a moment. “Shit.” He hadn’t been thinking about himself. Obviously he couldn’t stay in his apartment. But he wouldn’t want to be housed anywhere near his neighbors, in case whoever attacked tried again. But that would put his friends, or family, in the same line of risk.

“What’s wrong?” Midoriya finally turns back, looking over Shouto’s shoulder. “Was there another attack?”

Shouto shakes his head. “No, sorry to worry you. Momo just reminded me I’ll need a place to stay for a while. I don’t want to risk a hotel or some public housing, if they try to attack again…”

Midoriya doesn’t need him to finish his thought before he nods in understanding. “And you don’t want to stay with your friends or family for the same reason. There’s too much of a risk they will try to target you again.”

Shouto groans, running a hand over his face. Maybe Midoriya was onto something with all his concerns about ‘privacy and self-preservation.’

“Stay with me.”

Shouto’s head shoots up. He thinks he had to have misheard, but the serious expression on Midoriya’s face suggests otherwise.

“What?”

“You can stay with me. No, you should stay with me.”

Shouto feels like he was just transported to a parallel universe. He was actually fairly confident his role as the only one to suggest ridiculous things in this newly-started relationship was already established.

“I-No. I couldn’t ask that of you.”

“You’re not asking, I’m insisting.”

Shouto ignores him. “I can stay in the dorms at the agency.”

Midoriya rolls his eyes. “That’s an extremely short term solution, at best. And a huge risk. If these villains have kept close enough tabs on you to find your personal apartment and attack it, it would be child’s play to figure out you were staying in your office, with a publicly available address, and target it too.”

“You would still be at risk,” Shouto says, baffled as to how Midoriya somehow managed to miss that very important fact. “The same way Momo and Kyouka or my family would be, I can’t put you in that position.”

“Todoroki,” Midoriya says, deadly serious. “You are not a very social hero. It is common knowledge who you are close enough with to consider a friend. And your family has been in the spotlight for years. Staying with any of them is an obvious and dangerous choice. I’m a nobody. No one knows me, no one knows you know me. Also my house is…private, secluded. Even if someone does eventually figure out you’re there, it will take much longer than any of the other places. Enough time that we can come up with another plan.”

Midoriya reaches over and takes the cell out of his hands. “Now, unless you have a more convincing argument, I will text…” he looks at the phone for a long moment as he trails off. Shouto has no idea how he can casually insist on Shouto staying with him and in the same breath be visibly uncomfortable texting a different hero. “I will text…Creati and tell her you have a place to stay. You should go collect everyone else’s information for her.”

Shouto stares at Midoriya in disbelief while he pointedly ignores him and struggles to craft a text to Momo. He only finally moves when Midoriya all but shoves him off the ambulance step, claiming to be unable to type while he was being watched.

“I…can’t make sense of you,” Shouto finally admits. Midoriya has baffled him basically since the moment they met and he’s beginning to think he might never fully understand him.

Midoriya looks up from his phone with a curious expression, as if surprised by Shouto’s admission, before it transforms into a smile Shouto has never seen before, but that he wants to pull from him again and again.

“I like to think that’s just a part of my charm.”

[shhh-no-ones-home]

till the end of days* duff mckagan x reader

+++++++++

so this is really sweet and soft and just agh! i really do be that person sometimes huh? anyways we stan a man into aftercare. also there is no mention of drugs or alcohol, just duff being a soft boi towards his s/o

* - slow sensual smut, riding, soft touches, quiet praises, etc

song: are you bored yet? by wallows

tag list: @cynic-spirit @satans-arse @slashscowboyboots

+++++++++

"Are you tired of me?"

I asked duff as he walked into the bedroom. I was sat at the end of the bed, twisting the loose threads of my ripped jeans between my fingers. He drew his brows, sitting next to me and making the bed dip.

"No, why would you say that?"

He said softly, concern lacing his voice. I shrugged, not looking over at him.

"I don't know, I guess I just don't feel good enough for you."

"Hey,"

He defended, tucking his finger under my chin and tilting my head in his direction.

"Don't think that, not even for a second. If anything I'm not good enough for you. You are amazing."

I blushed a little at his words but still wasn't so sure.

"Thanks duff but I still feel like I don't belong here."

I turned my head back away from him, looking down at my hands in my lap. I felt him shift next to me.

"How can I show you? I wanna make sure you know. Know that I care for you and you do belong here."

I shrugged.

"I don't know, self doubt doesn't really work like that."

I looked over at him as he pulled my hair back gently, getting it away from my face and neck.

"I care so much about you."

He said moving closer, kissing my cheek softly and his hand finding its way to rest at the back of my neck.

"You make my life so much better."

He said, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my face again. I let a small smile slip.

"You're beautiful you know that?"

He asked and I looked at him, him leaning in for a proper kiss.

"Thanks duff."

He held me to him, resting his forehead against mine, closing his eyes.

"Let me show you how much I really mean it. Let me show you how much I care."

He said softly, now looking deep into my eyes.

"Please."

He said, slowly running his hand up my back before grabbing me and pulling me into his lap.

"duff."

i said softly as he held me, his one hand resting and rubbing circles into my thigh and the other at my back.

"please."

he asked again, nuzzling his face into my neck. i sighed.

"Okay, maybe itll help."

i said, bringing my hand to stroke his face gently.

"i love you."

he said softly into my neck before kissing it.

"how much touching am i allowed?"

he asked, kissing closer to my jawline. i rested my hand against his chest.

"anywhere."

i breathed out, half melting into him.

"i wanna make love to you."

he said just above a whisper, gracing his lips across my skin. i could feel a shiver run down my spine, goosebumps making their way onto my arms as he ran his finger tips up them.

"okay."

i said softly. he picked me up bridal style and laid me in the middle of the bed, coming up to lay with me. he was half on the bed and half on top of me, leaning down and looking intently at me. i ran my thumb over his cheek a few times as he pushed the hair back out of my face.

"You mean the world to me."

He said planting a soft kiss to my chest, his hand slowly making its way under my shirt.

"You are beyond enough."

He said shifting on top of me, pushing my shirt up over my bra.

"I love every piece of you."

He whispered into my skin before planting a soft kiss against my sternum.

"I don't deserve you."

He breathed out, making his way further down my torso. He looked up at me through his messy hair and offered a tired smile.

"I wouldn't be who I am today without you."

He cooed as I brought my hand down to stroke his face lightly.

"I love you Duffy."

I said endearingly as he kissed just above my waistband.

"I love you beyond words."

He said, popping the button and looking back up to me for guidance. I sighed, closing my eyes as he wiggled my bottoms down off my hips.

"Please touch me."

I asked softly, feeling the bed shift again as he situated himself between my legs. I cracked an eye open to look down at him as he hovered over me, kissing my thigh.

"I'll get there princess I promise."

He said, looking up at me as he lifted my legs over his shoulders. I got comfortable against him, feeling his hot breath against my heat. He kissed and bit up my thighs, surely leaving marks in his wake. I brought my hand down and tangled my fingers in his hair, hearing him moan.

"You know just what I like baby."

He whispered against me before licking a stripe up my folds.

"Duff."

I sighed out as he did it again, this time making sure to press his tongue against my clit.

"What do you want from me baby?"

He asked, massaging his fingers into my hips.

"Anything, just touch me again."

I moaned out. I felt him smirk against me, kissing my clit before shoving his tongue into me. I moaned at the feeling, his one hand removing itself from my hip. I gasped as he pushed two fingers into me, letting out a breathy moan as he began fingering me.

"Like that princess?"

He said smoothly. All I could do was nod my head, his mouth attaching to my clit again.

"Oh my God."

I cried, digging my head into the pillow, my grip tightening into his hair. I could feel myself getting closer, wiggling my hips further into his face as he ate me out.

"Fuck, right there."

I said, drawing my brows together. Then he removed himself completely, mouth and fingers both gone. My eyes snapped open and I looked down at him with the saddest expression I could muster.

"That's rude ya know that?"

I said as he sat up,my legs falling open against the bed.

"I'm not done with you yet gorgeous."

He said, beginning to strip himself of his clothes, starting with his shirt and moving to his bottoms. I leaned up, resting on my elbows and watching him. I bit my lip as he dropped his pants, his now hard cock standing at attention.

"Take that off princess."

He said, nodding to my top half. I sat up fully and did as told, pulling my shirt and bra off and tossing them to the floor.

"How do you want me?"

I asked, doe eyed and he smiled at me.

"On your knees princess."

I nodded and did as told, watching him climb onto the bed and sit at the headboard.

"Come here beautiful."

He said beckoning me into his lap. I straddled him, kissing him deeply. He moaned into my mouth as I reached down and began stroking him lightly.

"Right here."

He said positioning my hips over his and guiding me down onto him. I moaned as he began kissing across my neck again.

"You're perfect baby."

He said into my ear as I began moving up and down on him.

"absolutely perfect."

i dropped my head back as he reached his hand down between us, pressing his thumb in a circle motion against my clit as i rode him.

"fuck."

i sighed out as he held me against him.

"i love every. single. part of you."

he breathed out, kissing down my chest and taking my nipple into his mouth. i held onto his shoulders for stability as i rocked my hips into him, hearing the headboard move with us. i squeezed my eyes shut and dropped my head back.

"keep going beautiful."

he whispered against my skin before going to the other nipple and flicking his tongue over it.

"im so close mike."

i whined, looking down at him as he dropped his head against the headboard.

"god i love you."

he said, his chest rising and falling as his breathing got heavier. i kept moving against him, his thumb pressing harder against me. i rocked into him one last time before feeling my whole body shake on top of him as i reached my orgasm. he held my hips in his hands as he thrusted up into me, releasing himself with a loud throaty moan. i removed my hands from his shoulders, pressing them into the headboard as i fell forward, hovering over him. he offered me a lazy smile before kissing me.

"you did such a good job princess."

he praised as he helped me off of him. he hugged me to him as i sat in his lap, kissing over the hickeys had given me.

"you are so beyond amazing."

he said against my jaw.

"thank you mikey, i really do feel better."

he kissed my cheek quickly, making me look at him as he pulled away.

"anything for you beautiful. now come on, lets take a nice warm bath before we go to bed, yeah?"

he asked and i nodded, climbing off of him.

"perfect."

he said standing up.

"i wanna make sure you feel safe baby girl."

he picked me up and brought me into the bathroom, setting me on the counter before he started running the bath.

"i love you duff."

i said endearingly as he stepped back to me. he kissed the top of my head.

"i love you too baby."

[uwuowotf2waslife]

Do you have one with crippling depression yet? Like they stop eating, stop moving, always nearing tears but bottles them up, becomes emotionally numb, not really finding the joy in life in anyway? There’s nothing physical that caused it, it’s just isolation, loneliness, or guilty memories catching up with you. I’m uh, not doing so good right now and your writing is a really good pick-me-up. Can you write it? Please? It’s fine if it’s too triggering, I can understand. Have a good day, or night.

My inbox is always open my dude, and im more than thankfull for your words

(this will be about a merc and a S/O, hmu if you meant about team dynamics)

You are poetry, 

stay safe & hydratated

tw: depression

Scout: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ not the most emotional mature of the mercs; even himself admits that he is pretty immature even for his age (early 20s), but this doesn’t means he doesn’t have empathy or that he doesn’t care about his S/O. He sees you suffering and he is big time worried. He tries to motivate you, drag you out of your bed and do something fun or at least go and buy some food. He will get annoying but he can’t just sit there and watch you rot. He is a hands-on guy, he might not understand why you are acting up like this, but at the same time he doesnt know how he can approach you. He will try to hug you tighter and bring you food and water, his shoulders can be a pillow for you to cry all day and night long and his hands are there to wipe off the tears from your face. He hates seeing his bby sad and would give half his Tom Jones memorabilia for you to wake up one day and be your old, happier self ♥

Soldier: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ although his social skills are in scarcity, he isnt a traitor. He sees his S/O down ( mentally) and it pains him to an unimaginable extent  to see you so unmotivated . He doesn't understand why are you sad, what has happened? Did that crazy Kraut touched you? who he needs to snap the neck? He hates seeing you like this. Will be stubborn, just because he doesnt understand something it doesnt mean he can't find a way around. In the end, he will push you enough to actually break down and explain everything that has happened. For the first time in years hes just silent, he broke the dam and he is beyond ashamed of making you break down like this. He doesn't what to do so for now he will hold you as tight as he can and promise in America and whatever is holy and pure in him that he will help you untill you are again okay. ♥

Pyro: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ they know that you are sadder than before and they can see you points of view. They themselves know that life sometimes just sucks and that its okay not to want to eat or leave your bed. But they are also afraid that whatever is plaguing you it will become worse and worse and they really don’t want to see you hurting yourself like they once did. They try helping you do simple things, drink a glass of water, play a bit with their stuffed animals, theyll help you brush your hair or wash your face. They know they baby you, but they think you need a bit more of some more smootches or cuddles. If they see you worsening or being even less active they will drag you their pillowfort and just try to keep you as close them while chanting sweet nothings and sad mumbles, please don’t loose yourself like they did. ♥

Engie: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ he might be a cruel, cold man when hes on the field, but in reallity he is the cinnamon roll meme( he is a cinnamon roll and he might kill you tho but he is mostly a cinammon roll). He knows also that work and his projects take a really big amount of his time so he already feels very guilty. I doubt he has any humanitarian doctorates, but he has an above average understanding of human psychology; whats the point of trying  to emulate life when you cant understand it?He knows he can't address it straightforward, but he needs to get you over this slump before you do something really stupid. Que him cleaning up his workshop and carrying you there bridal style. He has a small nest of pillows and blankets and right next to it his trusted guitar.You have the whole night and the day after to spend it together and get in the bottom of the barrel. Itll be hectic but he is a very patient man and loves ya to bits ♥

Demo: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ lowkey one of the mercs with the most expierence with depression/ depressive episodes. For once in his life he doesnt drink and tries to find the rute of the problem, if there is of course or its just pent up anger and frustation with things that have happened in your life now or in the present. In simple, you will talk. For hours if needed. He wont drink a sip becausehe doesnt want to forget even the stupidest detail from your venting. In the end, he will offer you to drink but he will drag you out of the base/ house and make you sit in the front porch/ garden  while he has set up some “ festive” fireworks ( just some small ones that erupt and turn into hearts) . He isnt the ideal psychological perfection, but if you chosed the scottish cyclops for your mate, then he shall go to the man and back just to see you smile one more time. ♥

Heavy: ˜”*°•.˜”*°• he has seen depression and has experienced it himself. It was way too traumatic for a young man to have to support a family without a father figure around. I highly headcanon him to have deppresion hence the sandwich, hes bingining while staying in the battlefield. He doesnt care about the language barrier, in order for the both of you to be as close as you are know, it means you understand eachother to a satysfying extent. He will cook you a very hearty meal and bring it to your bed with a tray and sweet tea. You can eat in silence with him simply staying by your side and rub your back, words can’t potray how he feels right now. Once you finished hell put the dishes outside and simply cuddle you ( being the least cuddly of the mercs, it means a lot). You can nap, cry, trace patterns on his sculp anything really. All his life the main cause of depression was the anarchy surrounding his life, he needs you to feel protected. He doesn’tcare how much time it will take, but he will rip the mountains apart to seeyou smile out of genuine happiness, might even cry if he is the cause. •°*”˜.•°*”˜

Medic: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ the most medically, again qualified from the group. so he has at least that covered. He isn’t stupid, you show clear signs of cronic clinical depression ( also known as manic depression) and although it has been a long while before finding a patient to lobotomize, hed be damned if he ever butchered you up like that. He is a healer, even if enjoys his enemies to hurt a little more than they should, and a healer is here to help both the body and the mind. Will persuade you into getting under medication, even if he knows theyll have little to no effecthe just hopes the placebo effect will motivate you. He tries to mix your routine with his, ex. he wakes up really early when you finnaly after hours of insomnia fell asleep, hell tuck you in and kiss your forehead. Throughout the day hell send Scout or Heavy to bring you food or water or your medications. Pyro will be by your doorstep or you side, to keep you company during the day. At night he will carry you to the medbay and do all the talking for you if you dont feel like talking, he will listen to all of your venting. Lowkey will sit you on his lap so he can rub your back and let you cry/ just sit there, to feel his heardbeat on your face and relax. ♥

Sniper: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥    𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘯, 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘵. 𝘉𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘈𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘯𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘶𝘱 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘶𝘭𝘵 , 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥, 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 , 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥. 𝘏𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘧𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴𝘯𝘵 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦. 𝘖𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘈𝘥𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳, 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘣𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘤 ( 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘴), 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘚/𝘖 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦. 𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵( 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘴 , 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 0/10 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘥) 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘶𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘢 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳, 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘶𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦. 𝘏𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘭𝘧 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦, 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘯𝘰𝘸. ♥

Spy: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥     actually he isn’t that mentally mature as much as he strives to be. He has very unhealthy copying mechanisms, he fucks and smokes his torments away, but he also knows different people have different copying mechanism and he cant judge how people seek comfort. He doesnt know how to help yo, he really does but he doesnt know. He is nervous but he will probably suggest you two take a vacation away, together. He has planned it all fancy and nice, and pretty much has scanned the whole place/ area/resort you are staying and having “ friends” around. He doesnt care if you just stay all day in the resorts pool and just chill around drinking pina coladas. In the middle of your vacations, he will take you to a more secluded area and will open up about his issues , not about your relationship but about him as a person. He has many issues and he is a very difficult person to be around, so you haveto know he will never judge you. But he also doesnt know how to help you. This will make you hug him and you two can finnaly have a good, well-earned cry. Kiss him on the nose or on his head and tell him how much all this means to you and he will cry you a river and hold you till the dayhe dies, how can someone so late in his life means so, just so damn much? ♥  

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 6

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -5.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: its long because i had a lot to write, oops! also i tried to put as many requests for this chapter as I got. i suggest you dont look at them before reading the chapter or itll spoil it majorly to you! here are the requests!

the first one is the main request. and the others are the requests i got when i asked for requests for this specific chapter! :)

(SPOILERS OF THE CHAPTER)

Chapter 6 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

I pulled on my skirt when i got out of the car, feeling slightly uncomfortable and regretting wearing it. I was mostly a pants person and even just wearing jeans was annoying me sometimes. I knew all the girls present would look incredible, though, and I didn't want to feel ugly around them. I bent down to look at my face in the mirror of the car and sighed before turning back to my boyfriend who had a small smile creeping on his lips as he stared at me.

"How do I look?" I asked, raising my eyebrows with concern.

He didn't answer yet, he just just walked up to me, taking his hands out of his pockets and wrapping his arms around my waist. I felt his fingertips brush on my spine and my lips curled slightly.

"So good i'm actually thinking about ditching them and driving back home to fuck you into the mattress." he whispered with a smirk, looking down at me as I tilted my chin up. "One word from you and I jump back in the car."

I giggled a bit stupidly and was about to answer when we both heard the door open and I saw Heidi in the frame with Niall slightly behind. She waved at us and I was suddenly very happy of my choice of clothing. Dylan remained close to me and sent her a smile, a chin movement and a small wave before turning back to look into my eyes.

"Well, there goes our plan." he joked in a low tone, raising his eyebrows at me and making me laugh. "I guess we're gonna have to rain check on sexy time."

He chuckled and his arms slipped off my waist but he grabbed one of my hands with his and pulled me in the door's direction. I stopped him and he turned around with a questioning look before I tilted my head and frowned.

"When we get back home, perhaps?"

His facial expression changed and he moved back closer to me, squeezing my fingers in his.

"I'm sorry babe, I really have to sleep early today remember? I work tomorrow morning, I have to wake up at 4:30."

I bit my bottom lip and nodded but the truth was, I had completely forgotten. I let my eyes roam on his face and held my breath, trying not to sigh. I was not sure if it was a good or a bad thing that I was going to be away from Dylan soon. He was leaving to film a movie and the truth was, we hadn't been away from each other much in the past few months. In fact, we spent most of our time together.

"Are you guys coming?" we both heard Heidi's voice but my boyfriend didn't look away from me.

"I can see you're disappointed. I'm sorry babe, really."

"No, it's okay." I answered with a smile, tilting my head and shaking it slightly. "Don't be sorry, I know you work hard, I knew it was part of the game when we started dating."

His lips curled in a fond smile and he sent me a wink right before we heard Louis' melodic voice from afar. I had asked him to text me when he'd arrive so Dylan and I wouldn't be the first ones there. I didn't want us to interact only with Heidi and Niall or I knew it would have been awkward.

"Hey you two! You can eat each other's face later! Or like, stare deeply and passionately in each other's eyes or whatever! But right now we're all waiting for you!" he screamed, making me chuckle. "Liv! I bought your fave wine too, come on!"

I rolled my eyes but smiled and Dylan laughed slightly before pulling me with him. We walked inside and said hi to everyone but it's only when I felt Niall's arm around my waist that my smile faltered. I tried to tell myself I wouldn't let anything he does affect me but it was practically impossible. It was only his fingertips brushing on the small of my back and I wanted to run away.

"Hey Olivia, thanks so much for coming." he said in a low tone as I felt him press his cheek against mine.

I moved slightly and his stubble scratched my skin, making my heart skip a beat, but I tried not to show it.

"Someone needs to shave!" I joked with a laugh.

He was well-aware that I loved his stubble and would never want him to shave it, but that was part of the little banter we had together and he laughed, raising his eyebrows before bending down again close to me and rubbing his cheek against mine. I pulled away with a grown but started laughing again.

"Ouch!" I let out a bit louder before chuckling. "I hate when you do that!"

"Yea?" he asked, amused, before doing it again. "I thought you loved my stubble!"

He stared in my eyes with a smirk and he was closer than he should be but I didn't move away. By the way he was looking at me, I knew what he was thinking about and he was right : I've always enjoyed to feel his stubble on my inner thighs as he ate me out. I've always loved feeling it scrape my skin as I pressed my thighs around his face while he tongue fucked me. That thought made my pussy throb and I held my breath until someone talked.

"Here!" Louis let out, putting a glass of wine between us and taking me out of my thoughts. "Drink."

I thanked him and tried not to look at Niall again as I followed them to the kitchen. I frowned when I saw the bottle of wine on the counter, noticing the bottle stopper next to it.

"Louis! You said you bought my fave wine but it's literally my own bottle from home!" I exclaimed, turning to look at him and raising my eyebrows.

"Oh shit, did I say 'bought'? I meant 'brought'"

My face changed into an annoyed and unamused expression and he sent me a cute smile, making me roll my eyes as my lips curled slightly.

"It was started, too. You don't bring an already open bottle to hosts." I kept arguing. "You're a bad guest."

"Heyyy, I bought this one and two more, i'm an incredible guest!"

A bunch of us laughed and after chatting for a while, we ended up sitting at the main table. I sat next to Dylan and held my breath when I saw Niall walk closer. He was about to sit on the other side of me when Heidi talked.

"No no, babe! We're sitting here!"

His face changed but he just glanced at me and sent his girlfriend a smile before walking to the other side of the table and sitting right in front of me and next to her. I didn't know if I felt relieved or sad but he kept looking at me and I couldn't help but send him a smile. I noticed Heidi move closer to him and put my attention on her.

"Thank you so much for being here, all of you!" she said, holding her glass up. "We're always all so busy but it's nice to spend time altogether when we can!"

We all clinked our glasses together and I grimaced at Louis who stuck his tongue out at me. I was happy he was there, I felt like I wouldn't be able to stay sane if he was not.

"Oh my god, Olivia and Dylan, you guys are getting married right? I read that somewhere!"

Niall glanced at her and I noticed he rolled his eyes slightly without saying anything. I didn't know if it was because Heidi talked about it or because of the wedding specifically.

"Mmhm, yes." Dylan said, taking a sip of wine. "We are."

"In september I bet." Niall quickly let out. "The 9th I'm guessing."

Everyone remained quiet but he kept staring at me. I remembered us talking about getting married but we had never talked about a date. It did something to me that he knew, and he knew me so well. He knew me better than anyone in the world. He knew me better than myself.

"Well, yes." Dylan finally confessed, slightly uneasy. "I mean, don't tell anyone, we haven't announced it yet, we want to be sure before."

I saw Heidi's eyes open wider in shock when Dylan admitted that Niall had guessed right. I could only imagine what went on in her head and I suddenly felt bad for her. I knew she was not the jealous type but when she moved closer to Niall to ask for a kiss, I could swear she had glanced at me at the same time.

"Sorry mate." Niall said, taking a long sip of the wine after raising his eyebrows. "That's when her grandparents got married. Lucky guess."

The discussion drifted but I kept looking at Niall who sent me a fond smile. I held my breath when I felt one of his feet over mine and my lips parted slightly. I was not wearing socks but I felt the fabric of his brush against the top of my foot. My eyes fluttered at the contact. Just knowing he was touching me made me feel a certain way. It was not sexual, it was just my body suddenly coming alive in a way no one else could make me feel. It took me a few seconds but I finally pulled my foot away but gently, sending him an other small smile.

I helped Heidi clearing the table while the others went to the living room but I noticed Niall glancing at us, probably scared of what would happen. I was not going to make a scene though, and I was pretty sure she wouldn't either, at least I hoped so.

"I know there used to be something special between you and Niall." she let out when we were almost done, without looking at me. "But it's gone now."

I held my breath and licked my lips, not really sure what I should answer to that. It seemed like a fact to her but as she said it, it made me realize it was not true. There was still something special between Niall and I, and there probably always would be. That's why it would be so hard for us to only be friends. Could we even do it?

"Alright."

I turned around and left her alone in the kitchen only to walk to the bathroom. I leaned my hands on the counter after locking the door and closed my eyes, my head slightly down. I tried to breath in and out deeply but I could feel my heart beating hard in my chest and I couldn't seem to slow it down.

I had expected something meaner from Heidi. I knew the kind of person she was, and I knew what she was looking for but somehow, she had agreed to this dinner and I didn't know why. It was not new that she didn't like me and I would have thought she wanted me as far as possible from her boyfriend.

The problem was, I didn't want to be far from Niall and she probably felt it, just like I felt how insecure she was, which was not her type at all. She didn't use to see me like competition, what happened that made her change her mind about me?

I also felt how Dylan tensed when Niall guessed the date of our wedding. It was not so much that he knew that, no, it was more about the whole history Niall and I had together that no one could even begin to understand. He knew it, but the fact that he was now witnessing it made it seem more real. He was not jealous but it would be normal if he felt uncomfortable. I couldn't blame him.

I breathed in deeply, staring at my reflection in the mirror and trying to make something of this mess in my head but nothing seemed to work. Everyone's feelings were at stake and we were all a bit stressed. I also knew that with a few too many drinks, it could become very ugly.

I shook my head slightly and left the bathroom to join the others, hearing them laugh from afar. I sat on the couch next to Dylan and smiled at Louis and Eleanor, sitting together on the floor, almost cuddling. Julie and Liam were practically doing the same on the other couch and I felt Dylan's hand reach for mine and grab my fingers. Everyone was getting a bit tipsy and they were all recalling memories from tour and after. I tried to keep quiet but for some reasons, a lot of anecdotes included me.

"Oh remember that time we all went skiing and Olivia wouldn't stop falling!" Louis pointed out with a chuckle. "Niall had to literally hold her hands and guide her. It was pathetic, she was getting bypassed by a bunch of five year old’s!"

"Louis, I hate you." I just groaned low.

"Or when we ended up playing hide and seek in a hotel." he added, ignoring my comment. "Everyone was found except for these two fuckers! Apparently, they were hiding together in a fucking janitor closet! We never found out what went on during those two hours!"

I grabbed a cushion and threw it at Louis but it only made him laugh. I remembered that time. I remembered my body pressed against Niall's for hours as we chatted together in whispers. I remember feeling his lips in my hair and his hand on my thigh to stop me from moving whenever we heard a noise. Nothing had happened, but it was still a good memory. One that brought a rush to my brain and made me smile.

I noticed Heidi from the corner of my eyes, standing next to the couch and listening to Louis' stories. She looked a bit stressed and I bit my bottom lip in hope that Louis would just stop it. Her face twisted into a smile and she just sat directly on Niall's lap, making me squirm a bit on my seat. He seemed surprised and I knew he was not a fan of public display of affection but he just glanced around the room a few times without saying anything. She bent down and when their lips met, I had to close my eyes and look away. I felt Dylan squeeze my fingers with his and turned my head to him, focusing my attention on him. He smiled at me and I was not sure which emotions I could see in his face. Sadness, perhaps?

"So Dylan, the car you're driving in that show? Does it work?"

I tried to push the thought of Heidi sitting on my ex boyfriend away and smiled at Louis as I noticed Dylan's lips curl too.

"Don't start him!" I quickly said, opening my eyes wide. "He literally asked to keep that jeep! It's in his garage!"

"It's old and a bit dangerous to drive but I still do from time to time. I even let Liv drive it once or twice."

"Fucking amazing car, can't deny." I admitted with a laugh.

"We also saw your latest movie." Eleanor added. "Loved it."

"It was honestly very good." Julie agreed, leaning on her boyfriend and nodding. "Although I believe a beard doesn't really suit you."

Dylan chuckled, bringing his hand to his nape in an embarrassed way. He was not the type to be shy, but being praised like that always made him a bit uncomfortable. I personally thought it was extremely endearing but I didn't mention it, at least not this time. I tried not to react when I noticed Niall get up and leave from the corner of my eyes but I couldn't seem to follow the conversation anymore. Dylan was charismatic and everyone was always listening to him when he talked. He had this way to charm people that I didn't have and clearly never would. I was not jealous, I was fascinated.

I would guess on 10 minutes. That was probably the time it took me to get up and leave the room too. It seemed longer but I knew it was probably just in my head. I walked slowly in the hall, my heart beating fast, and followed the sound of guitar coming from afar, ending up in front of a closed door. I bit my bottom lip but it only took me a second to press my ear against it to hear better.

"I try and try to forget you, but." He stopped and I didn't hear anything until he started playing again. "Try and try to erase you, but you won't disappear."

Without thinking, I pressed my palm on the door but was surprised when I realized it was not completely closed. I ended up tripping inside and letting out a curse word as I almost fell. I knew he was staring at me but when I looked up in his eyes, I noticed a small and amused smile playing on his lips.

"Sorry." I let out after finding my balance again, glancing down and pressing my lips together.

"You were totally eavesdropping." he pointed out, his lips curling.

"I was... totally eavesdropping."

He chuckled and made a quick head movement, telling me to get closer. I hesitated a few seconds but walked to him slowly as he looked up. He was sitting on his bed and it was a bit weird to be in the room, alone with him, while both our significant others were in the living room. We used to be like that though, right? We slept in the same bed even when we were taken a few years ago, when our friendship was at its peak. Why did it feel so wrong now?

He patted the bed next to him and I licked my lips, holding my breath before shrugging a shoulder.

"Uhm, does Heidi live here?"

He frowned but didn't lose his smile.

"No, why?"

I didn't answer his question but simply nodded and after a few seconds, I sat next to him, trying not to touch him. I didn't want to sit in a bed that was hers, too, it would have been too weird to me, but knowing it was his bed made me feel better about it, even if I knew she slept there too sometimes.

Niall ran his fingers on the strings and my eyes dropped to his hand. He used to do that all the time. Just join me on the couch and start playing randomly. I didn't know if he noticed but I always ended up just turning the volume down to listen to him without being too obvious about it. Sometimes, he barely noticed me at all and it was alright. I always thought it made him even more handsome than he already was. When I looked up, I noticed he was looking at me and I smiled, feeling my heart jump slightly in my chest. After all this time, he still had this effect on me and I had no idea how it was possible.

"So, what were you playing?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "Wanna play it for me?"

He chuckled a bit, obviously uncomfortable, and scratched the back of his head, glancing away before looking down at his fingers.

"New song, it's not finished, can't play it."

I felt something twist in my chest at the thought and I swallowed jealousy inside me. He was with Heidi and she already got a whole album written for her. It was a bit hurtful to think she was going to get a second one.

"You must really love her." I said low to make sure my voice wouldn't break.

"What do you mean?"

I looked up at him and let my eyes roam on his face. I wanted to stop thinking about him all the time and feel nervous around him but even more than that, I wanted to stop all the feelings exploding inside me every time he was near. We were done. He had a girlfriend and I was getting married, there was no point in dwelling on the past, right? I brought my hand up but hesitated and finally pressed my palm gently on his cheek. I wanted to ask him if he really loved me. I wanted to know if being with me for almost a year even had an impact in his life, I wanted to know if it mattered, If i mattered. Or at least, if I used to matter.

"You kissed me the other night."

I felt his hand over mine, on his face, but took it back slowly as my lips parted. How could he know that? He was asleep, right?

"N-No, I mean..."

"I thought you never lied."

I closed my mouth and breathed in before licking my lips, still staring at him. i had to assume my actions and I swallowed hard.

"I did, I kissed you. I thought you were sleeping." I admitted in a low tone. "I'm sorry, Niall, I shouldn't have."

He chuckled a bit awkwardly and shook his head, putting his guitar away and passing his hand in his hair. "Hey, I kept reminding you of when we fucked and I think I remember caressing your leg so, I can't blame you for a small peck on the lips."

"You were drunk, I was not." I pointed out.

"Not an excuse." he quickly replied. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"You didn't."

We stared at each other for so long and all I could hear was the sound of my heart beating against my rib cage and threatening to escape. I felt myself tear up but swallowed the lump in my throat and I could swear I saw him glance at my lips.

"You said you missed me too."

"I'm surprised you understood since I said it in french." I chuckled slightly, smiling at him.

"I remember a few things, I just can't pronounce them."

This time, I chuckled more until I realized how close we were from each other. Did he move closer or was I the one who did? Why did I feel so attracted to him, like my heart, body, soul and mind were connected to his?

"I'm gonna kiss you, okay?"

His voice was soft and low but I didn't answer and he moved even closer, so slowly that it seemed to take an hour. I felt his breath on my mouth and held mine before bringing both my hands on his face to stop him gently. He stopped and his eyes opened as my thumbs brushed on his cheeks. I moved my head lightly, feeling my parted lips brush up and down against his, so slowly it was like torture to me.

"Olivia..."

I shook my head and pulled away, turning on my seat and closing my eyes. It was so close and I felt my heart skip a beat when I realized we had almost kissed but the worst was, I really wanted it. I wanted it so fucking bad and I was getting mad at myself. I was also mad at him for doing this to me and I swallowed hard again.

"I can't Niall, and you can't either."

He didn't insist and I finally just got up as he did the same. I was about to get out of his room when I came face to face with Heidi. I tried to play it cool but her eyes got bigger as they moved from me to Niall and then back to me.

"What the fuck?"

I didn't know what to say and just walked past her to get back in the living room. I grabbed my glass and swallowed all of it as Heidi stormed back to the room. Everyone stopped talking and looked at her but she was staring at me, ready to jump at me.

"What the hell were you doing with my boyfriend in my room?"

I wanted to mention it was not her room but I thought it would only make things worse and I just sighed and raise my eyebrows.

"We were just talking."

"Just talking?" she repeated with a rude chuckle. "Oh yea I know how 'talking' goes alright!" she added, doing the quotation marks with her fingers.

I felt Dylan getting up behind me and he placed his hand softly on my lower back.

"Hey, relax." he let out, bringing his other hand in front of me. "They're friends, they've always been friends, you should know that by now."

"Are you a fucking idiot?" Heidi added louder, frowning at him.

I turned to Dylan's who's face suddenly changed into an annoyed one. It was a side of him I hadn't seen before and it was crazy to think Heidi, out of all people, could bring it out.

"It's not the first time you ask me that."

Niall suddenly placed himself between his girlfriend and us but facing her. He put his hands on her shoulders and she closed her eyes.

"Babe, please, relax okay? Come on, how many drinks did you have?"

"I'm fine!" she let out slightly lower than the tone she had used on us.

"Just come with me okay?"

It took a few seconds but they disappeared in the hall and I licked my lips before turning to my boyfriend. Louis was standing up next to me too and when he placed his hand on my shoulder, I turned my head and met his eyes.

"Are you okay, love?"

His voice was sweet and gentle and I sent him a small smile before nodding lightly. Did it show that I was extremely jealous knowing that she was going to sleep in his room, next to him? I shook my head, trying to push away the thought and also my feelings. It was ridiculous, of course she was going to sleep in his bed tonight, where else?

"Okay, well, I think it's time to go now." Julie proposed as Liam stood behind her.

We all said goodbye and hugged as Niall walked back in.

"Sorry guys, so sorry it has to end up like this."

I felt bad for him, knowing that he likes things calm and fun but at the same time, I felt guilty. I could try and blame Heidi all I wanted for the drama, it was partially my fault and Niall's if it ended up like this. I also couldn't stop thinking that if we had kissed, she would have caught us.

"Don't worry, it's all cool." my boyfriend said, extending his hand to my ex boyfriend. The sight was a bit weird but I didn't mention it. "Thanks for inviting us, we're gonna have to return the favor soon."

"Of course, my pleasure, thanks for coming." Niall replied, shaking his hand and sending him a smile.

I glanced a few times as I walked to Dylan's car just to look at Niall standing in the door frame, and I sighed before opening the door and getting in. We drove off and I leaned my head against the window with my eyes closed. I still couldn't make sense of this mess and even if I wasn't drunk, I knew the alcohol and tiredness would stop me from unraveling it all. We parked in front of my house and I felt a pain in my chest when I remembered that Dylan wouldn't stay. I turned to him and tilted my head.

"You really can't stay?" I asked in a soft tone, making him smile sadly at me.

"No, I'm sorry. Tomorrow?"

I nodded slowly and licked my lips.

"What did you mean when you said it wasn't the first time she asked you if you were stupid?"

He shook his head and chuckled, looking down.

"Let's just say Heidi has tried to date me a few years back. Or at least to sleep with me."

The shock was so big I felt my lips part. I probably looked like a fish out of water and it made him chuckle. He brought his hand on my chin and gently moved it up to close my mouth.

"You... you never told me."

"Just like you never told me how intense it was between you and Niall." he pointed out, raising his eyebrows. "I mean, maybe you did but I didn't think it was that bad, I don't know."

He paused and I held my breath as he looked down at his fingers. He grabbed my hand and looked up in my eyes and I suddenly felt so guilty I was close to throw up. I loved this man, I really did. Could he tell that I had almost kissed my ex boyfriend not even half an hour before?

"You know what sexual tension is, right?"

I frowned, scared of his words, but still nodded. I didn't want him to tell me there was sexual tension between Niall and I. I didn't want to know what we looked like from the outside. I didn't want to have this kind of conversation about my ex boyfriend, if only because I was not even sure of how I felt or what I wanted. Still, I waited as my boyfriend sighed and intertwined his fingers with mine.

"Between you and Niall, there's romantic tension. It's dripping everywhere. It's... scary, Olivia. It really is." he explained, surprising me. "So yea, Heidi's little tantrum was annoying, but I can see where she's coming from. She felt it, too. We all do."

My eyes roamed on his face as my whole body seemed to throb. His words made me anxious and at the same time, I didn't want him to keep all of this inside. I wanted to tell him that it meant nothing to me, that all he could feel was the dusts of an old love, the vestige of the story of two lovers who didn't work out... but I didn't know if it was the truth. I didn't know anything anymore.

I bent closer and pressed my lips against his. He let me and I deepened the kiss, letting my hand slide on his chest gently.

"I love you. Please, stay tonight." I begged him in a low tone.

"You hate when I leave in the morning." he whispered, his lips still against mine.

"I can make an exception."

It took him a few seconds to answer. I felt his fingers playing with mine and his lips brush against mine gently. I wanted him to agree, I needed him to agree.

"Okay."

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 98

[Date: 19/03, 06:01 AM GMT - 19/03, 06:50 AM GMT]

[CW for unethical floral experimentation, injury mention]

kateza affectionate: “mona, don't be so hard on yourself, ok?”

Maxwell: “....i....think we should tell her about the other stuff

mona”

Little-K1ng: “............theres more????”

Marcus: “.........heh”

Little-K1ng: “uh. heh?”

Maxwell: “I saw syds observation post from yesterday...it had a scrrenshot of something I said, and jack and them told me thats what you didnt want me seeing yesterday....”

Marcus: “Oh that

....yeah”

Little-K1ng: “O_O

uh..........................................................”

Marcus: “...that’s kind of what the argument was about”

Little-K1ng: “,,,,,,,,,,,,um

oh fuck. i

max...”

Maxwell: “im not upset”

Little-K1ng: “i just...”

Maxwell: “i took some time”

Little-K1ng: “you're... not?”

Maxwell: “and i get why you did it

yeah

but”

kateza affectionate: “you're in an unprecedented situation. a situation that keeps getting worse and worse with seemingly no reprieve. I don't blame you for slipping up here and there- there's so much stress involved that it's almost expected for you to be upset. i don't think anyone blames you for doing these things. that's all i wanted to say.”

Maxwell: “its gotten worse

baroness has images of more times where i've slipped up

at least twice during my argument with her”

Little-K1ng: “oh christ”

Maxwell: “and then I switched back to ender for certain words....”

Little-K1ng: “i.....”

Maxwell: “and....i sent prince an ask on faer blog....”

Little-K1ng: “you... did?”

Maxwell: “saying i was sorry for upsetting faem and i hoped i could see faem again soon”

Little-K1ng: “oh no oh no

oh max....”

Maxwell: “fae said "see you soon, page"”

Marcus: “...max signed the ask as page as well”

Maxwell: “no no

the was the second one”

Marcus: “..there was one before??”

Maxwell: “after he answered the first one i closed my eyes to breath”

Little-K1ng: “how can i be getting worse so much faster....”

Marcus: “.....I don’t...remember”

Little-K1ng: “unless...”

Marcus: “...huh”

Little-K1ng: “oh fucking christ no non on ono nonon ono nonono.....”

Maxwell: “and when I opened them like three minutes had passed and I had sent an ask as page apparently”

Little-K1ng: “did..... did crown do something? did he get in? did he get in when i left the door open??? and make it worse???????”

Marcus: “...I don’t

...max i don’t remember you sending an ask

Only page”

Little-K1ng: “is it my fault? did... did i do that? did i really.... i..... left you vulnerable....... i....”

Maxwell: “no it isnt your fault”

Little-K1ng: “i just....... this doesnt.... this doesnt hurt me nearly as much as it should.... im not... im still not upset..?”

Marcus: “Mona, Crown didn’t come in...I would’ve seen him. It’s not your fault”

kateza affectionate: “this isn't your fault mona

you're probably emotionally tired”

Little-K1ng: “but i just... i still just feel empty about it. i feel fully justified about this and i know i fucked up but im not hurt”

Raeva: “oh...”

Maxwell: “uh....I have marigold tea if you want some”

Little-K1ng: “i cant even fucking apologize right”

Marcus: “You didn’t mess up

...max what”

kateza affectionate: “you're emotionally burnt out, Mona. This is a bad situation”

Little-K1ng: “wh. where did you get marigolds?”

Maxwell: “oH

uH”

Marcus: “max”

Little-K1ng: “....;max????”

Maxwell: “hm.....well....

Little-K1ng: “max i dont have any tea except dandelion root

you're 16 you dont have money or a car

where the fuck,????”

Maxwell: “fetch was hurt....and i wanted to make sure I could help him tomorrow if he came back home tomorrow”

Marcus: “.....arent the flowers on your laurel...”

Maxwell: “.....”

Marcus: “max you didnt”

Little-K1ng: “mAaAaAaX??!!!!

what the HELL”

Marcus: “Don’t yell at him!”

Little-K1ng: “ahhhhh??????????????

im ??? not yelling on purpose im just????????

what the hell ??????”

Maxwell: “i wanted to help and it works?!”

Marcus: “you tested it???”

Maxwell: “yes”

Little-K1ng: “thats such a silly idea max of course it worked??? magic is like that sometimes??? but why would you have even thought about it ?????????”

Marcus: “max”

Maxwell: “i...”

Little-K1ng: “thats so silly how did it taste wh”

Maxwell: “i knew marigolds have the ability to help heal wounds...they can help speed up the process sometimes by a couple of days”

Marcus: “Are you okay??”

Maxwell: “they can help with blood flow”

Marcus: “Which ones did you cut off? Did you only cut one?”

Little-K1ng: “are you???? ok max first of all. heavy metal poisoning speedrunning. nice one. but also. dude cmon they double when you do that”

Maxwell: “and can sometimes even be used to treat infections...

i only cut one but it workss”

Little-K1ng: “one flower for how much ??”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “like. did the water change color? bubble strangely? make fucked up ender noises at you??”

Maxwell: “i got a scrape on my arm when I was pacing outside waiting for fetch and I dipped a paper towel in it and put it on the wound”

Little-K1ng: “god maybe i am emotionally exhausted”

Maxwell: “it almost fully closed instantly”

Marcus: “...I kinda hope it made ender noises that would be funny”

[Maxwell: “it almost fully closed instantly”]

Little-K1ng: “hUH”

Maxwell: “it healed the wound faster than normal

not completely but enough”

Little-K1ng: “oh you better hope you dont do that too much and find out once your laurel wilts the wounds just open wtf”

Marcus: “I don’t think normal marigolds do that”

Little-K1ng: “thats like. supremely fucked dude??? thats weird.”

Maxwell: “.....”

Marcus: “...interesting”

Little-K1ng: “if you only used one did you??? just use the one i cut?”

Maxwell: “i wanted to help fetch

no the...one you cut was a bud

i needed one with petals that was bloomed...”

Marcus: “Y’know Max, I don’t think anyone else would’ve tried that”

Maxwell: “also the bud hasnt wilted despite being cut off a day ago...

but yeah i needed petals”

Marcus: “....”

Maxwell: “i tried to take em off when it was on my head but it felt like I was pulling out my hair so i stopped and just....”

Little-K1ng: “no, i understand the need. i get it. i want to help fetch too and honestly? i would have done the same”

Maxwell: “took a whole one”

Marcus: “...are you okay?

How did that not wake me up”

Little-K1ng: “im. i just. i feel so screwed up about this whole thing.”

Maxwell: “i didnt yell”

Marcus: “...”

Maxwell: “i numbed it with ice and grabbed the scissors

fetch wasnt happy when i told him”

Little-K1ng: “well of course not”

Maxwell: “jack saw it as an experiment”

Marcus: “...you talked to fetch?

Like directly?”

Little-K1ng: “you told him???”

Maxwell: “no he was messaging her”

Little-K1ng: “i dont even tell him when i hide a pill in some cheese for him

wait dont tell him that i said that”

Marcus: “I thought he just gave an update and that’s how you knew about stuff”

Maxwell: “to let us know he wouldnt be home tonight

yeah and i said i knew a way to help heal him”

Marcus: “...”

Maxwell: “he...knew i was gonna do something I shouldnt have

theres still quite a bit left”

Marcus: “....i can see why he would think that”

Maxwell: “it's in a bowl....

....you can use some if you need it”

Little-K1ng: “...........ok. would it be weird. if i drank it

like a little bit

maybe itll?? pick up my mood or something”

Marcus: “What if it cures your migraines”

Maxwell: “i dont know if it works for moods”

Little-K1ng: “god i WISH”

Maxwell: “uh give me a sec”

[Marcus: “What if it cures your migraines”]

Little-K1ng: “MARCUS IF IT DOES THAT IM GIVING YOU TWO THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE”

Maxwell: “you could try but as far as i remember it wont work

it works for wounds and inflammatory stuff”

Little-K1ng: “damn”

Marcus: “Why would you give it to me-”

Little-K1ng: “yeah ill be honest i maybe do not want the weird rat juice . at least not right now”

Maxwell: “its...flower

i put the petals in a pot and boiled em”

Little-K1ng: “Brain Flower of the Rat is not exactly the most appealing tea flavor, max. with all due respect”

Maxwell: “then i strained them”

Marcus: “Juice of Brain Flower of the Rat then”

Maxwell: “actually tastes slightly like normal water...

if anything slightly sweet

jack said it might taste like rose water”

[Marcus: “Juice of Brain Flower of the Rat then”]

Little-K1ng: “sick new lacroix flavor”

[Maxwell: “jack said it might taste like rose water”]

Little-K1ng: “.....rose water?”

Maxwell: “yeah you boil the roses then strain em into a bowl

like i did with the marigolds”

Little-K1ng: “i like rose water... :/ guess maybe i do want the fucked up rat brain plant water”

Maxwell: “you could try some its not like I cant make more”

Little-K1ng: “....hm !!! dont like that

do not make more rat water”

Maxwell: “....”

Little-K1ng: “i will try some but do not make more”

Marcus: “...please stop calling it rat water?”

Little-K1ng: “marcus?? do you want to try some (Patent Pending) Maxwell Ratatouille's Funky Fresh Brain Tea™️?”

Maxwell: “....

im too tired for this shit”

Little-K1ng: “im coping max.”

Marcus: “....”

Maxwell: “ fair”

Marcus: “I don’t have any injuries?”

Maxwell: “im.....i might go to sleep soon....

who?”

Marcus: “Who?”

Little-K1ng: “we dont have injuries

basically

okay so uh?? bottoms up i guess”

sip sip

sip

Marcus: “..oh wait

My elbow?

Does it work on old injuries?”

Little-K1ng: “uh. hm

it tastes good?”

Maxwell: “oh yeah its burned! it wont get rid of the injury but it might help with any lingering pain?”

Little-K1ng: “it tastes nice actually, the rose water thing was actually accurate

........................................huh

wtf”

kateza affectionate: “I’m gonna head to bed. Stay safe y’all. Much love /p”

Little-K1ng: “gn Kate !

uh

hm. okay”

Maxwell: “hm?”

Marcus: “What Mona?”

Little-K1ng: “so. i may have forgotten to mention out loud to yall but i have some pretty bad joint pain

like, typically, its a mid level pain all the time

and its jsut? less

less pain

thats nice”

Maxwell: “told ya it works!”

Little-K1ng: “it.... does !

dont make more though

ill enjoy this for as long as it lasts but for gods sake max dont pick the laurel for tea”

Marcus: “Please don’t make more rat juice max”

Little-K1ng: “gonna do a rat juice high five marcus

try it??”

Marcus: “I’ll..try just applying it to my elbow”

Little-K1ng: “something something dab joke”

Marcus: “Man you really are tired huh?

Little-K1ng: “i am so tired

work was hard

and i came home, expecting like, the remnants of a fight”

Marcus: “Okay- oh”

Little-K1ng: “only to realize that like, just about every problem for the last 2 days are probably entirely my fault”

Marcus: “Mona”

Little-K1ng: “and i dont actually have it in me to think i actually did anything wrong and i keep getting angry and snapping at people who dont deserve it”

Marcus: “Mona it’s fine

I promise”

Little-K1ng: “<:(”

Maxwell: “you okay marcus”

Little-K1ng: “^this is an incredibly forced frown. again, i dont feel bad”

Maxwell: “the water didnt hurt you right?”

Marcus: “Huh?

Oh

No it’s quite soothing actually”

Little-K1ng: “yeah weird right ??”

Marcus: “A bit”

Little-K1ng: “i WILL physically fight you max if you try to make more though

i will get mad. dont”

Maxwell: “....sorry”

Little-K1ng: “i mean dont be sorry for trying it, that was a good idea

but you've done it once, thats enough”

Marcus: “Please don’t make more max”

Little-K1ng: “for safety reasons”

Marcus: “Yeah”

Little-K1ng: “i dont know how easily those stems get infected

and with how deep they run i really dont want you to find out

i already endangered you all this far, please dont help me do that

guys... you both look so tired”

Maxwell: “you wont endagenr us its fein”

Little-K1ng: “maybe you should go to bed”

Maxwell: “im fien”

Little-K1ng: “sounds like it ,':)

head to the tulips, dormouse :)!”

Maxwell: “fuckign what”

Maxwell: “awwwww i love emas”

Little-K1ng: “do you guys want to sleep in the living room? my bed is pretty huge”

Maxwell: “oh iv emafe a neast on the fllor”

Little-K1ng: “oh perfect, and it looks like marcus is already asleep :) thats okay!! goodnight you guys”

Maxwell: “nihgtn”

[sodrippy]

How do you find the motivation and will to go to the gym and work out with depression? I'm finding it hard to just get out of bed....

oh babe thats a big question, and im so sorry youre dealing with this in such a rough state. right off the bat, the major reasons i can go to the gym regularly is i have a job that means i have to wake up on time 5 days a week no matter what, and i genuinely love my gym. in saying that ive gone months where i just stop going and cannot find the mental energy to do anything but the bare minimum of function, and i think the most important thing is not to beat yourself up about it.

on the second point, trying to recenter Why you want to workout and figure out the best way to get there can help a lot too, for me it got MUCH easier when i shifted my focus from "i should lose weight" to "i want to get strong" bc it finally felt like i was working out sincerely for myself, and i didnt have the added angles of pressure and self-loathing from trying to fit myself into some kind of fitness box. youre already struggling with depression, theres no reason to compound it further by making working out a stressful and negative thing right. maybe you want to be able to do chin ups, maybe you want to run a mile, maybe you want a reason to get out of the house, whatever it is you need to take some time and talk to yourself and see what motivation works to give you the push to get up, bc thats the only way itll stick.

i know it can sound kind of stupid to think this deeply about working out but motivation is a really hard thing, and this can be a good jumping off point for tackling bigger issues later. also, working out WILL make you feel better and have an impact on your mental health i promise. i always feel clearer on days i exercise and the mental boost is something i hold onto to push me to go the next day and so on. for me its also a phenomenal anchor when im really going through it, if i can push the rest of it away and work out ill feel better for that part of the day if nothing else.

personally i find a gym is a much better way to keep myself accountable than working out at home bc i can easily say "no" 5 mins into an at home exercise, but once im at the gym im There and i Have to follow through. my gym is a circuit style, so i can just go there and do whatever exercise theyve got set up, so i dont have to think at all, which is also why its easy, bc i can have a blank brain the whole time.

but hey you say you cant get out of bed some days, so gyms and schedules are a ways down the road and thats normal. in my experience routine is imperative. but youre not gonna just wake up and be consistent, bc thats stupid and not realistic and thats also normal. you can just do it once and thats still okay. if you workout one day and then not again for another month or three thats okay. youre not starting from scratch every time even if it feels like it. it took me literal years to begin working out regularly and honestly sometimes it takes that long, and sometimes you cant help it, but i think the key truly is just getting back on that horse even if it takes you months or years to get back up.

dont push yourself when youre starting bc it WILL make you hate it and youll want to quit. just do what you can honestly. walk down your driveway or your block and when you feel "god this sucks" turn around and go back home, literally just do a bunch of stretches in your room if youre not up for anything more bc as boring as they are they will 100% make you feel just a little better.

christ its 3am and i hope this has made sense and been helpful. its a process and its ongoing and the best way is to let yourself reset every 24 hours and take it on anew in the morning.

the two things unfortunately go hand in hand, and the hardest thing is to try and build new routines and safety nets while youre at the bottom, but you absolutely can. motivation and willpower are difficult elusive things bc legitimately the only person who can find them for you is YOU. its hard as shit but babe, at some point, you just have to get out of bed, even if you cant. theres just no way around it. i really really hope you can take the time to think and chat to yourself and find the thing that sounds good to you and use it to pull yourself up, and if you want to figure it out together im here!! 💕💕