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inkskinned · 9 months

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

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kimdokjas · 11 days

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though the movie might be cancelled, yuri on ice will live forever in our hearts. thank you yoi fandom, it's been real ♡

#yuri on ice #yoiedit #yoi #victuuri #ice adolescence #anime gif #*gifs #animangahive #dailyshounenai #userkarura #usergojoana #userhanyi #useralphonse #usertorichi #usermoonz #usericybtch #userheidi #usergokalp #userartless #homuras #himawaari #this is not goodbye this is still my house!!!#devastated but not surprised tbh but i still wanted to channel my emotions somehow and just. express how much this show means to me so here #this thank you goes out to u guys. the fandom #mappa can eat a brick btw <3 #god i wish i could articulate just how special yoi is to me #it truly resonated with me like very few other pieces of media have (i can count them with one hand in fact)#it was sooooo revolutionary and ahead of its time not just in terms of queerness but also in terms of mental health #it truly changed me as a person and i just. really appreciate how earnest and kind it was above all #thank you yoi. you will be a part of me forever <3

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twilight-zoned-out · 5 months

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Learning about the Doctor Who specials' expanded budget: oh no, what if they overuse CGI to look more 'professional' and high-budget?

The first scene of the Doctor Who Special:

#:D #[ID: The Fourteenth Doctor looking tired in front of a green screen of space \End ID]#it's still just as cheesy and silly as it was during 10's run #doctor who #fourteenth doctor #the image looks like something a fan would make tbh #the only very jarring part of the budget was how nice quality the camera was throughout the episode #I kind of wish it was a little less crisp because it made everything look a bit off in a way #but I also haven't watched 13's run so maybe it's not as stark of a jump as it felt for me #10 especially always felt very fuzzy and warm in terms of camera quality #tenth doctor #the star beast #twilight-zoned-out #doctor who spoilers #dw #dw spoilers

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hansoeii · 6 months

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It's about who.

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stil-lindigo · 7 months

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the fox god.

a comic about a trickster.

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creative notes:

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all my other comics

store

#cw: emotional abuse #cw: gaslighting #cw: animal death #charity - a god whose name was only ever meant to be ironic #i love playing with the concept of religion like this #im not religious at all but i did go to a christian school for twelve years #and i remember learning about the story of abraham. who long story short gets told by god to kill his son to prove his love for god.#and at the veeeery last minute god goes sike! this was a test to see if you'd do it! here's a lamb to slaughter instead #but the whole concept of that exchange in and of itself is so #anyway #one thing i meant to include in the creative notes but i ran out of room for is that charity never calls cunning by his name.#it's just “fox”. which was a small touch to indicate that he never acknowledged cunning's identity outside of being something exploitable.#but for all charity's hidden disdain for cunning #he still stole all his strengths and coveted them. he became known as the fox god.#so maybe some part of cunning survived. despite everything.#“give me your heart.”#“my god. it had always been yours.”#comic art #hearteaters #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics #one more comic to go until im finished with this collection!!

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stuckinapril · 4 months

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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

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ruporas · 8 months

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captain's warm hugs! (id in alt)

#opfanart #one piece #monkey d luffy #roronoa zoro #nami #usopp #sanji #my first nongun art in 8 kabillion years. i watched opla recently and it resurged smth deep within me...#idk who of my first followers are still here but one piece has been like T_T urgh. my beginnings... i love this series so much #LUFFY especially - zoro is my favorite but luffy is the heart of the show!!! inaki's performance was really fun and carried that same #vibrancy - it made me sooo happy to see... and in general the romance dawn crew has always been dear to my heart uuu... the la gave a lot o #good bits between the og trio but i def wish we couldv seen more with usopp & sanji too. but maybe.. if we ever get a season 2 :'D #anyway i love the straw hats steadily getting used to luffy's shenanigans and even liking it at some point. the warming up part of all thei #friendships is so dear to me and its just a natural blossom of comfort and trust. and some of these mfs are Touch starved fr....#ruporas art

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rongzhi · 5 months

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A winter reminder

English added by me :)

#eye strain #flashing #douyin #video #tiktok #含亮老师 #dlkafjkl you do not knooooow the intense whiplash these collabs always give me #idk if they do this on tiktok but it's such like a part of douyin culture lolol #that and the health reminders from celebrities #the women's pingpong team like PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN TAKE A BREAK #hmmm typo..... tied should be tidied....#but the vibe is kind of still there so it's good it's cool i don't care #psa #chinese weapons

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withdenim · 3 months

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Local man desperately trying to stop the cycle before it gets to his kids (it’s already there)

#with great power comes You Are Still A Child. Be A Child. Do Not Kill This Part Of Yourself Because You Think I Won’t Love You If You Don’t #‘there comes a time when we all must grow up’ and that time has no obligation to come at 15 #ninjago #lego ninjago #my art #lloyd garmadon #dragons rising #ninjago lloyd #ninjago sora #lloyd and sora have so many fuckinf parallels man I’m crazy #they keep doing the same things they keep being like each other #that’s his kind of daughter TO ME

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stoopidstapler · 1 year

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27.04.2023 HAPPY 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO MY FAVOURITE SFM VIDEO OF ALL TIME, GENTLEBOT HELL BY MISTERMULLUC ON YOUTUBE

#team fortress 2 #tf2 #fanart #''is not the 27 anymore'' PLEASE DONT REMIND ME. I HAD A BIG PART OF THIS DONE BY THE DATE BUT. I DIED MAN. I DIED.#anyways if u havent seen the video I AM BEGGIN U TO CHECK IT OUT ITS SO GOOD. ITS BEEN 10 YEARS. AND THE QUALITY IS STILL ONE OF THE BEST #THE WAY THEY DID THE SCENES. THE ANIMATION GOD. AND HOW WELL THE VOICES FIT SPY AND SCOUT #and the video was made in like. less than a year sfm came out i just aaaaaaa #inspired me so much for a lot of stuff man #ITS SO GOOD

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egophiliac · 4 days

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innocently logging in to look at the Twst schedule for May like

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 part 8 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 part 8 spoilers #tsumsted wonderland #i-is that enough spoiler tags #anyway twst just absolutely obliterating me with the schedule again #i saw the story completion campaign ended in june and was like 'oh okay that'll be when we get the next part' NOPE HA HA #oh my god rook. oh my god savana rook is real.#w...why is this a story card. hey twst wHY IS THIS A STORY CARD --#is rook dreaming of still being a rowdy boy or #and why is he...(squints) why is he in a pomefiore bedroom #never mind i'm actually terrified of this card now #god. the STETSON. i'm crying.#he really is just applejack huh #also vil i don't know what your problem was this man's mane is LUSCIOUS #and what's this? it's twst following up that first punch with the right hook of EVEN MORE of the best and silliest event #malleus is going to be in the middle of an angsty flashback while dangling us over a pit of spikes or something #and then we're going to cut directly to him having a charming little tea party with a small plush version of himself #oh twst your sense of pacing remains exquisitely incomprehensible #(no i love this though)

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paarthursass · 8 months

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genuinely love how the whole gang is like "fuck this guy"

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hinata-boke · 6 months

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trick or treat

#haikyuu #my art #doodle #hinata #natsu #i needed to draw natsu in yotsuba pumpkin costume #someone pointed out the alliteration of pirate and pumpkin and the tags and that was completely unintentional on my part #i was like oh cool but it probably doesnt work in japanese #but it turns out pirate is KAizoku and pumpkin is KAbocha so it still works!!#funny little coincidence this pleases me greatly #though idk if itd be just pumpkin in katakana instead of kabocha but im running with it

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 2 months

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Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 4.5: Morning Period.

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4)

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan wangji #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #mdzs au #Yunmeng Jiang training arc AU #This is 4.5 because it was originally all supposed to be part of the same comic #This part wasn't as punchy and I was close to scrapping it but I figured I'd at least give it a chance.#Despite the fact I already had it in pencils...cleaning it up took a very long time. Still hate it. Sunken cost fallacy enacted: It lives.#Okay quick commentary (I'm very late to post today)#While this is supposed to be a 'snapshot' of routine - Wei Wuxian slept in. Normally he is up earlier.#Meaning he delayed the dueling part of the day. Hence LWJ's hand gesture.#I also imagine that LWJ and JC have a bit more of a friendship in this AU since they spend a few hours in the morning sans WWX #I always enjoyed how JC and LWJ on paper seem like they would get along but Do Not in canon. Let me have a world where they do.

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bigfatbreak · 2 months

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fun fact, when mlp first came out in 2010, I had an entire comic I'd been drawing by hand with markers about my pony ocs which were guards in the royal castle. I still have the original 62 pages. fucking insane. anyway here's redraws of two of them lmao

Garden ("En") the "painted pegasus", who's mother was a zebra and who's pa was a pegasus. he was protag of the comic and YES I shipped him with princess luna WOOO LETS GOOOO

this guy was actually a background character more than anything. he was used here and there but he wasn't one of the central characters at all, he was friends with two other captains who WERE central characters. but I popped off with him so-

BEHOLD!! OLD ASS ART... FROM MY BEGINNER DAYS....

#mlp fim #my art #pony ocs #in case you wanted to see how far we've come WHOAOA YEAAA #anyway. u can do anything if u wish it. make comics even if theyre bad. make them even if theyre good #ngl i was rereading it and there were parts in my little comic that still make me laugh #so!! as long as you like your own work #you will always have at least ONE avid reader

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tshortik · 2 months

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Cryptic visions of space and time...

#essek #essek thelyss #critical role #mighty nein #caleb widogast #this works on its own but it's actually part of a bigger fancomic idea i have #but i still have to figure out if i even want to invest so much time into something like that lmao.. prob not #i already made a concept document for fun and its way too long.. unfortunately i rly like it #i rly believe in the idea tbh i just dont know if its physically possible because i work fulltime LMAO #its a lot of fun tho #here i am 3 years late idk why the essek thoughts bubble out NOW ignore me

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