#but strangers on the internet have no connections so… I guess I’ll just vague post here

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

Senior cat aging is so wild. Never know what’s gonna happen next. My family has two cats that grew up together, mine and a sibling’s, who have been seniors for a year or two now. My baby boy is about the same as he was when he was just an adult, the cat he grew up with seems twice as old. They are literally the same age. The other one is only like a month older at most

[keow]

What advice would you give to someone who grew up in an atheist household but feels a vague connection to God? My family wasn't for or against any religion so I grew up indifferent but also comforted by religious memorabilia, going in churches, etc. I know that sounds wishy-washy but I'd like to explore it more but I don't know where to start and what to read to learn more, to decide what I think.

There are probably better blogs you could ask about this than mine, but I'll try my best. I’m going to answer this under the cut because it got really lengthy hehe. Also sorry this took so long to answer, I've been pretty busy!

So firstly it seems like we had really similar experiences growing up. My mom was “spiritual” and agnostic, raising me without exposure to really any religion (besides maybe Buddhism and a little bit of nondenominational Christianity—she shopped around a bit). I think this sort of background is becoming more and more common in society, so you aren’t alone.

Because of this non-religious childhood I can also tell you firsthand that there are a lot of bad things out there. For basically the entirety of my adolescence I was involved in witchcraft, paganism, and “new age” spirituality. I’m just going to tell you straight up that this is bad news. Please don’t fall for any of their bullshit. I literally worshipped and communicated with demons for years and it turned me into a horrible, evil person. Don’t fall for the “law of attraction” bullshit either, no matter how seductive it seems.

With that out of the way…

I am still in the process of converting so I can’t give you the perspective of someone who has completed that process, but I can tell you what has helped me figure out a lot of things religion-wise.

Firstly, the most important thing is to ask questions. If you do not ask questions, you cannot learn. If you do not learn, you will never know truth. So ask questions.

You say you feel drawn to churches, so I’m going to operate on the assumption that you want to know more about Christianity. If this isn’t the case then… well… ummmm well I ummummumummm Uh.

You’ve probably heard “Jesus died for your sins” before, but it’s very easy to just gloss over that because the idea is kind of pushed around our society without anyone really explaining it. Like I had no clue what that meant or how it worked before I started asking these questions.

“What are the doctrinal differences between these two religions? What about between these two branches of the same religion?” “Why is this biblical event important?” “How does the Trinity work?” “How do we know Jesus is the Messiah?” Et cetera. Any question you can think of, find out the answer to it. Catholic Answers is a pretty good place to start!

Secondly, as you’re in this “research” phase, I highly suggest immersing yourself in media that deals with religion as a whole. I listened to a lot of catholic podcasts and watched a lot of YouTube videos that explained some very important theological concepts that I didn’t quite understand. It’s not a proper education by any means but it will help you get the basics down.

Ideally, you’d be able to ask someone about this in person and get proper responses (assuming the person is knowledgeable and can explain things well). Like seriously, you should do this. Online stuff is nice but it isn’t a replacement for finding a parish and talking to someone.

I couldn’t really do this because I didn’t have access at the time when I was really becoming curious (pandemic and stuck with anti-theist parents lol), so if you’re in a similar situation, the internet is your best friend. In that stage I also followed a lot of catholic and orthodox blogs so I would be surrounded with that content as much as possible. Kind of like how if you’re trying to learn a language you need to immerse yourself in it I guess?

In my pinned post I have a lot of resources that were useful to me linked near the bottom :)

I highly suggest getting a Bible or AT LEAST downloading a good Bible app. Multiple actually. Or listen to something like the Bible in a Year podcast by Fr. Mike Schmitz. I have a study Bible with a lot of footnotes which is GREAT if you love knowing about translations, original texts, and historical context, but not as great if you just want to read the story of salvation itself.

Now you can be the most knowledgeable person on a religion, knowing all the history and all the doctrine, but if you don’t have a relationship with God it means absolutely nothing. The most important thing is to pray. You can’t have a relationship with God if you do not pray. Ask for guidance, ask for assistance in becoming more virtuous, pray for others, just talk to God about anything.

Personally I bought myself a nice rosary once I started seriously considering Catholicism and started to pray using that, but there are countless ways to pray.

The ways that work best for me are lectio divina and the rosary. I can never seem to finish novenas, but those are also nice, and listening to hymns and chant helps me connect to God a lot! ALSO learning about church history and the various saints throughout it. Again, you might be different, so just find what works for you!

LASTLY.

IT’S NOT WEIRD AT ALL TO CONVERT AS AN ADULT!!!!! Speaking for Christianity, that is. For something like Judaism it would probably be a bit stranger, especially since Judaism is so heavily linked to a specific culture and ethnicity.

Christianity however is very open to adult converts. That’s how it got started in the first place. There are countless saints who converted later in life, so please please don’t feel weird about it. The Church is probably the most friendly to converts out of all religions. Here’s an article on the Catholic conversion process for adults!

TLDR:

Ask questions, learn, pray, learn some more, pray even more, go find an RCIA program so you can get catechized and baptized. LOVE YOU <3

[a-simple-lee]

Tipping Point

Peter Parker, Reader

Synopsis: June is a difficult time of year when you’re closeted. You need someone to talk to. Peter’s willing to listen, and provide some distractions once it’s all over.

A/n: Yes, writing fanfic is my coping mechanism. Yes, I know it’s not healthy. Am I bothered? Not particularly. I tried to leave descriptions of identity vague for both Peter & the reader, so people can put in whatever head-canons/identities they want.

_____________________________________

   A dog barks from somewhere outside your bedroom window. Your ceiling seems lighter than it did a few minutes ago. You sigh and turn your head to the open window, immediately squinting as the first sliver of sunlight hits your eyes. Why you didn’t shut the curtains last night is beyond you.  It must be around nine am, but you wouldn’t know. Despite going to bed early last night, you think you’ve slept in. There’s a weight in your chest. It’s hard to ignore. You were hoping it would’ve left by now.

  Your phone blips; it was supposed to be on silent – perhaps you forgot? You forgot to do a lot of things last night, too numb to do anything except crawl into bed. Clambering out from beneath the covers, you read the notification. It’s Ned, posting yet another Instagram photo, at – yes, it’s nine AM.

  A sigh finds its way out. Pride was yesterday. Everyone went. You know Ned’s post will be a selfie from yesterday, so shouldn’t open it; basically every self-care article on the internet would tell you not to. But you do so anyway, tapping in your pass-code with groggy fingers and blinking as the notification expands to show his post.

  This turns into what must be at least 15 minutes of you scrolling through social media. You weren’t planning on opening it, since you knew it would hurt. It does, of course, but it’s bittersweet, seeing everyone post about yesterday. Every picture and vlog brings you comfort, but you do feel envious.

  Flash has mini vlogs showing floods of rainbow-clad people, the crowds bathing in sunlight with drink cans held to the sky, music thrumming through the air over joyous laughter as people march their way down the New York streets. You put your phone down at last, once the frustration gets too much.

  You couldn’t make it. For the fourth year in a row. You’re still not out to your family, and every year you inexplicably find yourself wound up in their important plans or outings on the same day as the parade. You wouldn’t mind so much, but you and your friends have grown up in school together, part of which means watching each other come out to your families over time. One by one, around five of your friends came out. You’re the only one who still hasn’t been to pride.

“Hello?” Pete’s voice comes through the phone. He sounds tired, maybe hungover. But you’re not sure he’s the type to get hungover. Doesn’t matter, you weren’t with your friends to find out. You don’t remember pressing the call button, but you must’ve done. Taking a moment to gather yourself, you take a deep breath in.

“Hi, Peter. It’s me.”

“Oh, hi! How are you doing?”

You hesitate. “Can, uh, can we meet up today?” Your voice sounds thin, & unstable.

“Uh, sure, you wanna come over? We could get coffee, or-“

“-I just feel kinda trash.” You interrupt, double checking your bedroom door’s shut in case anyone overhears your conversation.

“Oh. Do you want to talk about it?”

“I- actually, can I come over? I’m- I just need- Is that okay?”

“Yeah, sure! I’ll-I’ll see you in a minute?” His tone is overly cheerful, but you can sense his concern.

“Yeah, in a minute.” There’s a silence between you. You look down and smooth out your bedclothes from where you’d been scrunching them up in your hand. “Hey, Peter?”

“Uhuh?”

“Did I wake you up?”

“No- well, yeah- but- don’t worry, it’s fine.”

“Are you hungover?”

“What? I – no, no. I’m fine. We stayed up late last night, that’s all. I didn’t drink.”

“Okay.”

“Okay…I’m gonna go. See ya.”

“Yeah, see ya.”

  The journey from your house to his apartment is only 10 minutes. You trudge over in some clean pyjamas, too tired to put on normal clothes but not wanting to stay in the same pair for over 12 hours. There aren’t many people around, and those who are have more important things to worry about than strangers’ attire. Besides, you know shortcuts to avoid being seen. The streets of Queens are fairly quiet for this time of day, which is simultaneously convenient and infuriating, since the barrage of adverts and shop windows is now your primary view. This wouldn’t normally bother you, except for the fact that it’s June, so there are rainbows everywhere. You put headphones in and look at the floor as you walk, avoiding the puddles of semi-dried vomit and confetti from the night before. The bins are filled with red solo cups. This is probably similar to how missing the holiday season would feel, you decide, bending down to pick up the fragments of somebody’s rainbow cardboard sign and shoving them in the trash. The garbage-men must be running late, since every dumpster’s stacked with party gear and drink bottles. A woman passing you smiles, and you return the gesture with a polite nod before putting your head back down and walking faster.

  At long last, you’ve reached your destination; you dump your bag on the floor outside Pete's apartment and knock; hurried footsteps sound, followed by a creak as your friend opens the door. He smiles, and so do you.

"Hi!"

"Hey!" you're stepping inside, checking your phone's connected to the wifi. Both of you are still in pyjamas. Neither of you address this as you walk through his apartment. Then you see Peter's pride flag hanging from his bed.

"How was yesterday?" It's a question you already know the answer to.

"Oh, it was great!" Pete turns, sitting down on his bed as he puts on his hoodie. He starts talking about the parade, and mentions an after-party at MJ’s, but you’re having trouble listening.

“…and Ned said-“

“Pete,” You start, at a loss for words. Your expression wavers. ”I’m the only closeted one now.”

  And suddenly you’re practically collapsing into his arms, managing to utter something about missing the parade and finals being an added stress. Tears warm your cheeks, but you’re not sure when they started. Peter stays silent, just holding you. The fabric of his hoodie gives you a little comfort, and you try to take deep breaths. At some point the both of you shifted into a lying position, but as the tears retreat, your main focus is on explaining yourself.

“I…I just feel lonely? Is that weird? E-everyone else came out so easily, but I’m so scared, and I’m-I’m happy for everyone but it hurts so much not being able to celebrate with you guys every year, because I want to be- a part of…the community, and I feel so shut off right now.” Your speech is interspersed with sobs and a couple sniffs – Peter conjures up a packet of tissues from somewhere whilst you’re talking, and hands them to you midway through – not saying anything, just listening. You notice his thumb’s rubbing back and forth over your shoulder as he hugs you.

“It hurts not being able to be honest with everyone. I’m pretending all the time, and I’m sick of it – but I just never feel ready, and I know that no one ever does feel ready, but- I just hate how something this trivial has to make things so difficult!” You fall silent, and Peter moves his hand to card through your hair. He shifts after a few seconds of you regaining your breathing, and you feel something wrapped around your shoulders.

“Here,” He says, and you sit up to get a better look – it’s his pride flag, draped over you like a blanket. You grasp the corners as Peter wipes a stray tear from your face and looks you in the eye. “We can share it. It can stay at mine, so your family won’t know, and you can use it whenever you want. You’re not alone. I know it sucks being closeted, but you have us. You have me, okay?”

  You tackle him then, forcing the both of you into another hug. “Okay.” The bright colours of his flag glow from the sun coming through the window, and everything feels a little less painful. Peter’s caught off-guard by the embrace, but quickly returns it. It feels like you spend an eternity just laying together, but it could be just a few seconds – you’re not interested in keeping track.

“We could throw our own pride, yknow.” Peter starts, and a smile finds your face.

“Yeah, we could.”

“I’m sure there are still decorations on sale. We could buy rainbow cups and banners. Mr Stark would probably help if I asked.”

“That’d be cool!”

“Yeah,” He pauses. “What do you want to do?”

“Can we just talk? I wanna forget about it for now.”

“Sure…” He stops, and smiles. “Did you walk over here in pyjamas?”

“Perhaps.”

“Fair. Can’t go wrong with Pikachu, I guess.” He pokes the design on your shirt, just above your navel. You recoil, swatting his hand away.

“Careful,” a giggle almost slips out – almost.

“What?” Peter repeats the motion, unaware of what he’s doing.

“Wait- it tickles!” You yelp, trying to grab his wrist as his fingertip collides with your torso a second time. Some inner part of your being cringes as you say ‘tickle’, but you manage to force the word past your lips despite the pang of embarrassment.

“Oh?” He’s grinning now- never a good sign. Your elbows dig into the mattress as you make a move to roll over and crawl away, but Peter grabs your waist, pre-empting your escape attempt.

“You’re ticklish?”

“Uh- no! No, I take it back, I-uh-“ You start rambling incoherently, simultaneously pulling to get out of your friend’s grip with very little success as he pulls you back towards him and into his lap; it’s a slightly awkward position, Peter sitting against the wall with you held against him in front. Nonetheless, his hands quickly find your sides, giving them an experimental squeeze and immediately continuing when you let a renegade snicker escape.

“Gotcha!” He exclaims, laughing when you swiftly dissolve into hysterics.

“Ahaha-no!” You’re flailing and squirming, but it’s difficult to do anything except sit there and take it, since Peter’s arms are wrapped around your abdomen in a sort of restraining hug now, fingers finding purchase on the fabric of your shirt as they seek out your ticklish spots. It’s very difficult to decide whether it’s torture or exactly what you were hoping for. Perhaps it’s mostly the latter, but the way Pete’s wriggling his fingers into a sweet spot at the back of your ribs makes you question that just a little. He takes your bout of hysterics as an opportunity to flip you onto the bed, and your back hits the cushions; Peter follows your fall, and is now crouched over you, hands colliding with your tummy as you land. You realize you’ve dropped the pride flag at some point, because you feel it lying on the mattress beneath you now. It’s hard to focus on anything except the helpless giggles pouring from your lips, endorphins quickly flooding your blood stream and adding to the sense of giddiness as Peter reduces you to a puddle of shrieking laughter.

“Pehehete! Wahahahait, wahahahahait- ahahaha!”

“What?” He smiles, moving his focus to your underarms and drawing a squeal from you in the process.

“Nononono- plehehehease!” But you speak carefully, making sure your tone of voice doesn’t sound panicked so he doesn’t get worried and stop. Your hands find the corners of the flag, and yank it over your face to cover up the blush swiftly taking over your features. The world becomes a blur of colour, and your laughing blends with his for a second. It’s beautiful and warm, and safe. You don’t want it to end.

“Where’s your worst spot?” Peter asks, fingertips drifting up to swipe gentle lines across your neck. Your shoulders hunch up and you try to cover yourself as much as possible, holding onto the flag tighter. You don’t reply, too lost in laughter. “Are you blanking me? Do I have to find out myself?”

“Nohoho, no! I’m not blahanking you!” Your voice returns all of a sudden, and your legs kick into motion, trying to backpedal away from your attacker. It’s probably a ridiculous sight, considering the fabric covering your face, and your pokemon pajamas. You don’t think that matters to Peter, though – you’re both a ridiculous duo.

“Good. I thought I’d gone too far or something.”

This stumps you. It’s now near impossible to reply without confirming you don’t entirely mind this.

“Ihihihi’m fine!” You manage to giggle, simultaneously noticing the heat spreading up your neck. Just then, the flag’s snatched from your grasp, and Peter’s face becomes visible again. He grabs your hips, giving them an experimental squeeze and grinning wider when you try to wriggle away.

“Your laugh’s infectious, you know that?”

“Shuhuhut up!”

What could be minutes or hours pass. Peter seems content that he’s distracting you sufficiently, taking his time exploring any ticklish spots he can find, teases and pleas passing between each of you every few seconds.

But then your laughter goes silent, and he pulls away instantly, letting you recover your breath.

“Sorry! Sorry! I-“ He starts, then notices you giggling with a massive smile on your face.

“S’fine,” You utter, trying to calm down your residual laughter slightly. “I’m okay. I think.”

“Oh, okay,” Peter lets himself fall back to lie next to you, the bed bouncing slightly. “I was worried.”

“No, it’s alright. I...” Pausing, you fight back the urge to hide underneath your flag again. “...didn’t hate it.”

“You didn’t?”

“Uh...I might’ve liked it?” You mutter this last part, turning away so you can’t see Pete grinning.

“What?”

“I...liked it. Being...yknow.” God, this is the most embarrassed you’ve ever been. You’re grateful you can’t see your friend’s expression - until he squeezes your side, forcing you to turn around. He’s smiling, and part of you sighs in relief.

“You like being tickled?”

“Mayyybe?” You grab hold of his wrist, not sure whether to look him in the eye or hide under the covers for a few years till your blush fades.

“How about I tickle you again? Would that help you decide?” His fingers whir into motion against your t shirt, gently teasing the sensitive nerves and drawing another stream of giggles from your lips.

“WAit-Nohoho!” You cry, already squirming to get away. Peter wraps his arms around you in a hug, and starts going to town for the second time. It’s definitely a good distraction, and part of you feels lighter as you struggle against his hold. The hysterics don’t seem like they’ll stop anytime soon, and as endorphins begin flooding your body, you’re definitely not complaining.

You realize you’ve never felt less alone. 

[octothorpetopus]

I Forgot That You Existed (Part 1)

Link to part 2

"Yeah, we're not so worried about you not 'getting some.'" Frank put air quotes around the words.

"Well, we kind of are. It's just that the 'some' we're worried about you not getting is emotional fulfillment."

"True." Richie looked back and forth between his friends.

"Guys, I'm not getting a fucking online dating profile. I'm not forty. Stop bugging me."

"Richie, we're worried about you."

"What the hell are you, my mother?"

"Just download the fucking app, Tozier." Frank snatched the phone out of Richie's hand and held it just out of reach. Nina held Richie back as he reached for it.

"You motherfucker, give me my phone back!" Frank didn't respond.

"Say cheese!" He snapped a picture of Richie, who had sat sullenly back down. He typed speedily for a few moments (Frank's typing skills were the envy of all rapid-fire texters), then pressed a button. There was a soft whoosh as the profile was posted, and Frank tossed Richie his phone back.

"Fuck you, Frank." The phone chimed and all three of them gathered around to look at it.

"Holy shit," Nina said softly. "You got a match."

Meanwhile, in an LAX waiting room, Eddie Kaspbrak's phone buzzed in his back pocket. He ignored it, focusing instead on the pitch he was mentally writing and the steady sound his suitcase made as he rolled it back and forth in short paces. He hated investor meetings, but it was his company, and he had to get it off the ground if he ever wanted to be anything more than a 34-year-old asthmatic business major with no friends, no life, and no idea where he was going. Metaphorically. Literally, he was going to the Los Angeles Hilton, if his cab would ever get here. His phone buzzed again. He sighed and pulled it out.

YOU HAVE ONE NEW MATCH read the notification. He swiped and opened the phone. The wheel in the middle of the screen spun for what seemed like hours. Shitty airport WiFi. Finally, a profile popped up. The guy in the picture was... alright, he guessed. There was something a little oddball about him. And a little familiar, too. But then, maybe he just had one of those faces. Or, he realized, maybe he was a stand-up comedian that he’d seen in New York last year. Eddie smiled to himself, amused by the coincidence. At the time, he had no idea just how deep that coincidence really went.

“He’s kinda cute,” Nina offered and shrugged.

”I don’t know. He’s got sort of a sad puppy look. It’s a little off-putting.”

”Nobody asked you, Frank.”

”Nobody asked you either, Nina.”

”Both if you shut up.” Richie held up a hand to silence them. “Look, if I go on this one date, will you promise to get off my ass about getting a date?” Nina and Frank looked at each other and nodded.

”Deal.”

”Fine, then.” Richie’s thumb hovered above the LIKE button. “But what if-?”

”Oh, just shut up!” Nina exclaimed, and pushed the button for him.

Eddie considered it briefly. He was only in LA for a few days, maybe a week. There would be no second date, no relationship to come from this. Still, he couldn’t quite shake the voice in his head telling him yes, that this was important. And besides, what was the harm? Lots of people only went on one date. He pressed the LIKE button too.

”Fuck me,” he whispered as a message popped up on the screen.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Both of you liked each other!

Now you can start chatting.

Make a date, and hopefully, a connection.

Eddie rolled his eyes. This was the exact kind of cheesy bullshit he hadn't wanted when he had signed up for this app a year ago on a whim. A chat window opened up.

This is the start of your messages with RICHIE TOZIER

RICHIE TOZIER IS TYPING...

Richie had sent Nina and Frank away. He was tired and annoyed and frankly, talking to strangers on the internet (something he vaguely recalled his mother telling him never to do) sounded far more appealing than trying to deal with his friends at the moment. His fingers hovered over the keyboard, hesitating. What could he... say? "Hi, you're kind of hot?" "You ever date a comedian?" Maybe he'd just skip words and go directly to emojis. And then it came to him, a line he used to use on girls all the time back in school (girls who were well-above his league, and he knew it).

This is the start of your messages with EDWARD KASPBRAK

RICHIE TOZIER: I could use some spare change, and you're a dime.

He felt stupid even as he wrote it, but he pressed send before he had a chance to give it a second thought. Well, he thought, there goes that idea. And then, Edward Kaspbrak started typing.

Eddie was in his cab now, staring down at the absolutely asinine pick-up line he'd just been sent by a man who was at best a 6 and a half. But once again, he had a sense of déjà vu. Not just like he had heard that line before, but like it was somehow meaningful. If it had been anyone else, he was sure he would've ignored the message and moved on. But it wasn't just anyone, and even if Eddie didn't quite know why he remembered Richie Tozier, he wasn't giving up quite yet.

EDWARD KASPBRAK: You use that line on all the boys?

RICHIE TOZIER: I've got a whole library full of them, I don't need to reuse that one.

EDWARD KASPBRAK: Hey, this might sound weird, but have we met before? I have the weirdest feeling that we have.

RICHIE TOZIER: I'm pretty sure I would've remembered meeting you, dude.

Eddie flushed scarlet in the back of the cab. He couldn't remember the last time someone had said something like that to him. Truly, he couldn't.

EDWARD KASPBRAK: I'm probably wrong. Anyway, are you free tonight?

Richie thought for a moment. He was supposed to go get drinks with some other comedian buddies of his, then maybe crash an open-mic night that they had frequented in their early comedy days. But then he looked back at the man on his phone, the one who looked just a little bit sad even though he was smiling as widely as can be in his picture, and typed out a quick reply.

RICHIE TOZIER: I actually am. I know a good place, pretty quiet. I'll text you the address. You eaten yet?

EDWARD KASPBRAK: Yeah, why?

RICHIE TOZIER: The drinks are good, but the food... it's good that you already ate.

Eddie fussed with his hair one last time in the hotel mirror. It just... wouldn't sit right, even though it looked exactly like it always did. And his clothes, all he had was what he’d brought for business meetings and casual dress, nothing like what he’d normally wear on a date. He checked his watch again. He had given himself fifteen minutes to get there, even though the concierge at the hotel told him it’d take maybe ten, if traffic was bad, and since it was a Wednesday it probably wouldn't be.

To say Eddie hadn't been on a date in awhile would be an understatement. He hadn't been on a first date in seven months. He hadn't been on a second date in a year and a half. He hadn't been on a third date in three years. And as for his last real relationship... well, Eddie had never been in a real relationship. Not that he could remember, anyway. In college, there had been a four-month thing with a girl, but that was mostly just to please his mother. He and the girl (Rosa was her name) had been good friends, and still were, but their whole relationship had been something of a friendship with a few awkward makeout sessions thrown in for good measure. The fact that he didn't like women was probably a factor in his disastrous relationships, both with women and with his mother, but she had been dead for three years this October and he was finally living the way he had always meant to. He just... hadn't gotten around to it when she was still alive.

He took one last look in the mirror. He wasn't satisfied, but then, when was he ever? It was a warm early summer night, so he thought he'd walk. Or maybe he shouldn't. There would surely be people smoking outside, and with his asthma...

Similarly, Richie was trying on his third outfit. He had tried just the Hawaiian shirt, then just a T-shirt and leather jacket, and then all three simultaneously. Funnily enough, the multi-layered look was his favorite.

"You got this, Richie." He looked himself in the eyes (through the mirror, not any kind of crazy witchcraft shit), and cracked a grin. "Except that you're talking to yourself. Fuckin' weirdo." But he grew sober, and his fingers tapped nervously against the side of his leg.

Richie didn't date, per se, but he went out a lot, and then went home, usually with a different guy, although he had been known to call up an old flame from time to time. He had dated, and he wasn't necessarily opposed to the idea, but he was, not to toot his own horn, famous. And usually, famous guys, especially ones that weren't classically hot, didn't get dates. They got laid.

His Mustang was parked in the driveway, and even before he started it the wind off the ocean whipped his hair into a frenzy. As he sped off into the Santa Monica sunset, the butterflies in his stomach began to dissipate. This was going to be different. He could feel it.

Eddie had been waiting outside the bar for almost ten minutes. It was his fault, of course, for getting there so early, but the pacing outside the front door did nothing to calm his nerves. Nor did the gentle roar of the cherry-red Mustang that pulled up next to the curb, nor did the profoundly familiar face that got out of it. Richie Tozier walked two paces towards him and stopped in his tracks, his eyes even wider behind his fishbowl glasses than usual. Eddie spoke first, his vocal cords hardly functional.

"Holy-"

"-shit," Richie finished. All of a sudden, everything clicked into place. Why the name had sounded so familiar, and the face had been even more so. Why he had been so nervous in the first place. Eddie fumbled in the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a gray piece of plastic. His inhaler. He took two quick puffs of it and shook his head, as if in a stupor. Richie, who had screeched to a halt upon seeing his childhood friend (and first love, but that was another story), started again, and hugged Eddie with a force he didn't know he had in him. Eddie hugged him back, just as tightly.

"Holy shit, man," Eddie repeated.

"Yeah." They finally released each other and Richie took a step back, looking Eddie up and down. "Damn, Eds. You're looking good."

"So are you." Richie shook his head.

"I feel like such a fucking moron, but... I didn't even realize it was you until I saw you just now. You're going by Edward now?"

"Not... not really. And to tell you the truth, I only thought I recognized you because I saw one of your shows when you were in New York last winter." Richie laughed, deep and warm.

"Shit. Was it any good? Wait, don't answer that."

"It was great."

"Well, um... since we're here..." Richie gestured at the bar's frosted glass doors. "Want to get a drink?" Eddie smiled, and his dimples were craters in his cheeks.

"Yeah. I really do."

[chiseki]

Figured I’d make this an intro post, since I’m pretty much using this alternate url as an “out” url compared to my usual vagueness.

I’m Joshua. Yes, that matches the sidebar, so it’s not really surprising here.

And that would surprise an entire two people following my main blog that know me irl because the rest were previously informed. Maybe three people, I forget if the last one is on tumblr or not.

Which is, by the way, ““““““““fun”““““““““

Yup, having like three local friend circles that had relations to each other outside of myself, and only one of them being in the know is fun.

You can basically stop reading at this point, because from here on out is just gonna be a massive time rewind to.....jeez, fuck if I know when, my childhood? I promise there will be time skips, we don’t need that mess played at normal tempo. (Also some funny stories after the giant gap in the text, if you want to scroll for that).

Most of this story is actually located in college, but the only real indicator (aside from having a general dislike of dresses) was way back when I was in all of second grade--apparently I was so damn insulted I burned all these facts into my memory--and an older kid was brought into the classroom, gave us this cool sales pitch about do we want to learn to shoot a bow, go camping, build campfires, etc

and then was like “OH YEAH THIS IS THE BOY SCOUTS IT’S BOYS ONLY”

I was so hyped lol.

Wound up being in a mediocre girl scout troop later, and my brother obviously got directed into boy scouts. At which point I got to find out that their camping trips were mostly getting rained on and finding black windows and getting taught woodworking by a dude missing a chunk of finger.

So more suffering than child me would have expected, but they still got to build fires and go REAL camping and shoot bows and rifles and shit.

Meanwhile, in girl scouts, we went to this one set of cabins every year. We never stayed in the damn cabins, because someone would find A Bug in there, or a spider, and then someone ELSE would have the same issue, and no one wanted to be in a cabin alone let alone be the only one in the cabins at all, and we always wound up sleeping in the air conditioned lodge that was visible from the damn cabins.

Except the one year where we went to a different camp, stayed in the legendary caboose, and there was a bat sleeping on the outside of the window so no one wanted to sleep there except me.

My scout group was weak.

I miss the cookies, though.

Anyway, due to not being forced into gender-targeted toys and getting to play with whatever the fuck I wanted, I also have jack shit for anything resembling an early warning sign aside from the above.

Actually, scratch that, I was not really a fan of dresses. I mean, this was fair in general, since they were usually scratchy, didn’t fit my arms/shoulders right, were designs I had no say in, and everyone would get on my case if the dress might get even a LITTLE dirty. Had some skirts I liked in middle school, but even that was a mess of having to wear tights because my genes have never resulted in anything resembling a thigh gap.

And I was like, constantly trying to play with the guys in grade school. And they’d periodically get that “NYEHHHHHHH GUYS ONLYYYYYY” shit going on. That was never not infuriating tbh.

Flash forward to high school, still basically left to my own devices. Only indicator here was that I was just tickled fucking pink whenever I heard that I either passed at cons or was at least tossed in the “maybe.......?” zone.

Flash forward to college. I honestly don’t remember what set me off on thinking about it, but started eyeballing my gender with a microscope. Unfortunately I couldn’t apply a litmus test like sexuality, so there was a lot of “uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhfuck” going on.

Actually, I think part of it was that on the forum I hung out on, a lot of the old regulars had assumed I was a dude until a childhood friend had dropped a pronoun several times in succession & asserted its correctness, which then led to a discussion along the lines of “whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat”.

But yeah, started testing the waters.

Also tried going to a LGBT+ club like, once. With the gal I was either dating at the time or was about to be dating, my memory is shit tbh. “HEY SO HOW ABOUT WE ALL JUST COME OUT TO EACH OTHER, A BUNCH OF STRANGERS <33333333″ still freaks me out, honestly. I get why it’s generally done, but like, no thanks. But I was horrendously obvious in ducking about the gender question and she totally called me out on it later in private lol. Also got me my first binder, but I digress.

Anyway, basically spilled on “I’m.....probably..............? a dude...........? jsyk??????” to my immediate friends, which was met with a lot of “.....YEAH ACTUALLY THAT MAKES SENSE” and a “hang on I need a dictionary........ok I get it”

I think I was the least smooth part of anything resembling a coming-out just due to like, me not wanting to have to tell people to do things for me? It’s something I find extremely awkward, like I know it’s that horribly stereotypical dating thing of “what’s wrong, bby, what do I have to do” “I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO” but.

And that’s an entire digression about how my relationship with my mother often included me saying a lot of shit I had to say convincingly, but didn’t mean at all, and probably led to me having fuckall faith in what people say, most especially when under a forced prompt. I could do an essay on that, but not here.

Which, admittedly, I’m gonna rewind here because I think it’s funny in hindsight, but it means the dictionary reaction went like “SO...........I’M.............TRANS?” “What?” [thinking this is pushback on the idea] [PANIC MODE] “UH” “Like, literally, what does that word mean, I've never heard it in my life.” “OH. WELL. Heh. Uh. That internal reaction I had was embarrassing then, oops.”

Anyway.

Then the collective action was, “well, have you picked a name what do you MEAN you haven’t picked a name, we can’t just run about calling you by your deadname after all that”

And I tossed some names out, that I’m not going to list, because they were just fucking awful. So I got interventioned and the method became throwing names at me until they stuck.

Adam? Nah I knew an Adam and I can’t unassociate with that

Noah? Violin teacher’s third kid was named Noah. Same issue with Gabriel and Caleb.

Benjamin? I fucking grew up with a Benjamin he would kill me.

you get the idea.

And those were like, actual reasonable rejections. At least half the time I was just like “I DON’T LIKE HOW IT SOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNDS.” Take, for example, Josh. I 1) knew one in high school and he was a piece of work and 2) I just, inexplicably, don’t like how the word sounds.

Which is part irony and part masochism that JoshUA stuck.

I mean, that name had pre-existing connotations for me. I had played..........a game.........in high school. And given that my options were pretty shafted to Stereotypical White Boy Names if I didn’t want to stick out like a sore thumb, some positive(?) pre-existing connotations were going to be needed.

Incidentally, I had a v. sweet trans girl offer me her deadname, which was a cool name, but just, like, didn’t fit me in particular so. She also picked her name by RNG tournament, with the top 10 baby names for her year being the competitors. Which was neat and worked well for her, but I know I would have just re-run the fucking tourney if I didn’t like the winner lol.

But anyway, continuing on to a less flowery story. I’ll add some blank lines so it’s skippable. No need to set off every other person with gender issues here.

Decided to come out to my family. Apparently time fuzzed down my memories of being devoured by mosquitos outside while my parents were trying to decipher that their kid was holding hands with a girl in the back of the van and that girl had been planned to sleep over that night, and despite the fact that booth teens wouldn’t be jumping to sex that fast nor had the equipment to make a kid between them....it was Reason For Concern like a straight couple sharing a bed.

I mean, my mom was convinced that anything touching the nether regions was SEX and PREMARITAL SEX was EVIL. But I digress.....again.

So. I tell them. And the reaction ranged from “well ok I mean you’ve always been weird” (thanks, bro) to “uh I guess my last name’s odds of getting inherited just doubled........?” to “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME”

Yeah. That last one was word for word. Some stuff was thrown, lots of crying (”I CAN’T EVEN DO MY MAKEUP AND IT’S YOUR FAULT”)--both of which were not my doing, though I got shocked(?) into my own set of tears iirc.

I think I set a speed record for climbing back into the closet. Like, a week later, everyone was pretending it never happened. I sorta emotionally cut ties with my mom at that point--kept it civil, but Did Not Want to discuss my life or friends at all with her or in any way that would get back to her.

So obviously, no one in my family knows I go by Joshua. If they asked, I would tell them, but lo and behold, zero questions, they never brought it up again, etc. And I’ve been very careful about not letting that knowledge spread, not putting it on the internet in a way that connects back to my legal name, being primed at any point to pretend “Joshua” is a mutual friend and to not respond to that name if someone accidentally calls me by it.

Incidentally, during Yet Another Family Counseling that was at least performed at an individual level this time, my mom apparently told the counselor that she thought she handled that well. Last I checked, making the situation about yourself and doing the whole “woe is me, the mother, with a child like this” shpeal was not “well”.

And I mean the WHOLE shpeal. If you’ve ever had the misfortune to see the posts by parents of trans kids that wax soliloquy about losing their child and mourning their “death” (especially the ones that aren’t all “but I got a new kid!”) like, the ones especially cut from the same cloth that would be like “my child is autistic but ~I~ am the inspiration for waking up in the morning” like no, your kid is the inspiration for dealing with you.

And if anyone is wondering, this is basically the Midwest Stereotype for....LGBT, interracial dating, etc rejection imo. Seemingly ok with it, but NO WAIT HANG ON, NOT MY CHILD. Like, I legit had trans kids explained to me (albeit without terms for it) at a relatively young age by my mother and yet. “X exists but not in our good christian neighborhood” attitude. Ugh.

So where was I? Hmm, yes, funny Joshua stories. Ok I have like ONE story. One of my friends that was in the know finally got me to play Trails in the Sky. Now, this sucker has a chunk of text lead-in with a ~mysterious~ boy that young Estelle’s father has brought home, and the whole discussion skips his name, ending on “my name is....”. Then it time-skips to present day, finally casually dropping this dude’s name, which, obviously, is Joshua.

My friend did not tell me this.

No warning, nada. Only Estelle had really come up in conversation.

And then we collectively dragged another friend into the abyss with us, except he wasn’t in the know. We also had him streaming his playing sessions when our schedules coincided, which led to--because of a shitty accuracy stat--him yelling (as we did) “JOSHUA!” frequently in combat.

I debated on just responding “Yes?” randomly one day in the most casual closet-exit possible. Then procrastinated by deciding to just be out with it at the end of the first game since he’d also played twewy.

Some of you have probably started to eye my avatars with judgement in your hearts. That’s fair.

Anyway, we had forgotten about another character that practically had his name, so at least I had someone to share my weird feelings with.

And then, he started the second game, and I didn’t hold back on responding “yes?” every time “Joshua” was used as an interjection.

Also because of that one post about biblical names, I will respond to any use of “Jesus”.

[frankcastled]

So, as someone who has a lot of time on their hands, I’ve gone ahead and done very precise trailer breakdowns of two trailers from each of the past four MCU films (Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2, Spider-Man: Homecoming, Thor: Ragnarok, & Black Panther) because I started making a post earlier about how, when you look at a lot of these trailers, most of what they show you takes place in the first half of the movie and given that logic, a lot of the stuff we’ve seen in these Infinity War trailers are probably mostly from the first half of the movie with none, if any, hints to what lies in the finale. 

So, I had this long feature about breaking down the trailers here, but I realized, I’m here to break down the Infinity War trailers, not pick apart trailers for movies that we’ve seen, but I did learn that most of the scenes featured in trailers are, in fact, part of the first third or half of the movie, which I think is important to look at. And while you can look at my trailer breakdowns and see how there’s some that seem to heavily feature scenes from their respective final battles, most of the scenes featured are such quick cuts with little to no context that connects them, it’s almost impossible to really tell and they end up taking up less time of the final trailer because, again, they’re such quick cuts and shots. But for each of the trailer breakdowns, if you’re curious, you can find them here:

Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Thor: Ragnarok

Black Panther

And here we go! Finally, at long last, the Infinity War trailers!!!!

So first off, for reference, here is my breakdown for both the official, two minute trailer, and the thirty second Superbowl spot. You can read through it all there, most of it is just a literal breakdown of the scenes all the way from observations of who’s in it to what they’re doing, and the background and any other tiny, discernible details with my thoughts interspersed. What I’ll do here is mostly reorganize my bullet points into a more cohesive state as well as adding any other observations, such as the fact that there’s a lot of weird little orange glows featured throughout (but then again, they could just be from fires and explosions happening offscreen and could have nothing to do with the soul stone). 

So, from what I can figure out there are maybe three to four major scenes being showcased here between these two trailers (with other, random unrelated scenes used to showcase characters as opposed to revealing any kind of plot point). 

1. New York City. We have Peter Parker on the bus look at the circular, hovering contraption and we later see him on it. At the same time, we have Tony, Bruce, Doctor Stranger and Wong, also in New York City, assuming that the scenes we see are taking place in and/or around the Sanctum in NYC that we see Strange take residence up at the end of his solo film. Also, I assume that the scenes of Peter Parker and then the scenes at Tony, Doctor Strange and co are happening simultaneously, or rather they are reacting to the same event. All stuff that could have been put together, on top of which, in the Superbowl cut, we get the scene of Peter, Tony and Strange together in a place that is clearly not the city, but somewhere else, possibly in space, which then leads to--

2. The scenes of Thanos, Peter and Tony in space. These scenes probably lead into one another with other filler stuff happening in between, of course. There was also the footage from the SDCC that while we don’t have that to really break down and analyze fully, did have a scene of Strange on a planet of some sort, which again, would mean Strange was also involved in that scene. 

3. Wakanda. This one was the always the most obvious one. The only other little thing that I did notice, is that you also have Hulk featured in these Wakanda scenes and even the Hulkbuster, which a lot of people have already deduced, is probably being used by Banner and not Stark. At which point, he probably turns into Hulk as we later see featured in that nice little slow-mo team-up. You also have War Machine here, which means that either Tony sends Rhodey out at the request of back-up by Steve or maybe Steve gets to him directly. Obviously there are a lot of little holes that need to be filled that we’re not too clear on yet. On top of which Vision and Wanda are missing in these scenes, yet we do gets shots of them with Steve and Natasha in the Superbowl trailer, with Vision missing his mind stone, so it’s possibly they join them later, after that Wakandan battle withe the Outriders?

4. And then there’s the Guardians and Thor, who have not been featured quite as heavily but we do see them here and there. My guess is obviously, that they’re in space and split up. You have one shot of Star-Lord, Gamora, Mantis and Drax (notably missing Teen Groot and Rocket) and then another separate shot of Teen Groot and Rocket with Thor. Eventually the adults somehow find or team up with Tony, Strange, and Spider-Man, as again in the SDCC footage, we have Strange creating platforms with his magic which allegedly Star-Lord uses to jump up on while in his gear and using his guns, possibly in a preliminary battle against Thanos. The same battle we see featured when he slams Peter Parker into the ground and punches Tony Stark. I also think the adult Guardians, head off to find the collector (possibly knowing about some vague plan for Thanos to collect the Infinity Stones) because Thor told them about the Aether being left with him, so they head to investigate while Thor and Groot and Rocket do something else (build a new weapon, according to the internet, but there’s not enough evidence from the trailers for me to commit to this). And then the adult Guardians possibly find or run into Tony and co, possibly because they run into Thanos first when they’re by the collector’s (I only mention this at all, because I did download that leaked and unfinished footage of the Guardians watching as Thanos (pre-CGI Josh Brolin in the clip) is confronting the collector). And although the trailers did not feature him with the aether in Thanos’ possession at all, that could be because he lost it during the explosion the power stone caused in Guardians 1. After all, as of the end of Guardians, his place was still a wrecked and who knows if no one came along and stole things from him. I’ve never been convinced he really even still has the aether, personally. It was too big of a mess for me to ever feel like nothing happened there. On top of which, since we know he has the power stone, he clearly stopped by Xandar (perhaps the reason they know about Thanos’ plan to collect the stones, Nova Corp might have informed them of the theft) and then gets the space stone from Loki simply handing it off (nope, no matter what you might think, Loki is complicit and does it because he’s Loki and not out of any reason to help or save Thor, I believe the Russo brothers have confirmed he willingly sides with Thanos, after all, we pretty much see him working for Thanos in The Avengers, so, and I know a lot of people will fight me because they hate Joss Whedon, but regardless of what you think, the one thing these movies have going for them is continuity). And as far as I can tell, Strange has the time stone (or the eye of agamotto, at least) around his neck still at all points in the trailer. And of course, we see the mind stone pilfered, which then leaves the aether and soul stone as not being featured with their whereabouts unknown. 

EDIT: Okay, I just rewatched that leaked scene of Thanos confronting the collector, and yep, Thanos is definitely there to get the Reality stone. He directly mentions it and the collector says he doesn’t have it, playing it off and saying he sold it. However, Thanos counters that this is a lie and tries to get it out of the collector whereas the collector then claims he didn’t know what it was worth. Thanos says the collector is stupider than he, Thanos, thought. And as the Guardians creep in, if they’re at the collectors lair or house or whatever, it looks destroyed, to which I’m assuming Thanos fucked shit up before directly trying to confront him, or tried to confront him first, then got physical and fucked shit up. So either, the collector does have it and is not giving it up, or he did lose it or give it to someone else, but is protecting them as he does not give up a name or identity when he claims he sold it and even claims he doesn’t know where the stone is. ANYWAY, just needed to add this tidbit in there because it gives A LOT of insight, especially if you never saw this scene when it made the rounds. 

Anyway, I think most of this was already pretty much sorted by people who decided to do this kind of thing as soon as the trailers were released and not wait months afterwards, but my interest was less about doing that picking apart and more about trying to line up scenes into a more cohesive story as well as figure out what might be from the end of the film as opposed to what ends up being in the first half of the film. From what I can see most of this probably comes from the beginning to the middle of the movie, with even the Wakandan battle scene possibly being a showdown from the middle, because I like to think that since it was so heavily featured, it’s not really what’s to come in the end, but an intermediate battle that leads to a much larger one, possibly in Wakanda again, or elsewhere. But at the same time, with another and as of yet untitled fourth movie, it’s hard to say exactly what this movie will cover and if any of the storylines will be tied up or if they’ll continue it in Avengers 4 to make one long movie. 

Anyway, the hour is 2 hours and 26 minutes long, and I nearly had an aneurysm while driving home. I. Am. So. Fucking. Hyped. 

[quinncidentallytoo]

MATCH 😉😉 QUINN&RACHEL

WHEN: Day 91

WHO: Quinn & Rachel

WHAT: Quinn and Rachel are matched and they discuss family, vegetarianism, and Q’s youtube channel. 

Rachel

Day 91 - Still searching, still wishing swipe left was an option on this app. Though if swiping right was an option, I’d certainly be doing that right now. You’re beautiful.

Quinn

Please. There are a lot of beautiful women on this app. I think it takes more than a pretty face to keep you interested.

Rachel

Which is why I’m still around after all these weeks. Hi, Quinn. I’m Rachel.

Quinn

That makes two of us. So tell me, Rachel, what keeps you busy when you’re not thinking of ways to improve the app?

Rachel

Hmm, well that depends on which Rachel you’re looking to get to know. Professional Rachel, or all work and no play makes Rachel a dull girl…

Quinn

Why don’t you give me a quick breakdown of both so I can make a more informed decision.

Rachel

I’m a business owner and then I’m a boarder. Which would you like to know more about?

Quinn

I don’t know. Are the two related?

Rachel

No, I do not own a skate or surf shop.

Quinn

Well now I’m intrigued, what kind of shop do you own?

Rachel

It’s a little of this and a little of that – our products are always changing and rotating – but always a celebration of the Bay Area. Have you ever heard of ApotheBerry?

Quinn

It sounds vaguely familiar.Is that you?

Rachel

Mhmm. We’re over on Haight. And vaguely familiar isn’t what I like to hear at all. We like to be known and remembered.

Quinn

Well, maybe I’ll have to come check you out sometime. Make it stick.

Rachel

But what about you? Tit for tat, Quinn.

Quinn

I am a content creator. Which is my attempt at making youtuber sound impressive. Did it work?

Rachel

I suppose so in the sense that I had no idea what a content creator was, but it did sound powerful. What type of Youtuber are you? I don’t really watch unless I’m catching up on some clip from a talk show that is apparently a MUST SEE. Which really for me just means Carpool Karaoke. But there’s a number of my staff that watch and follow bloggers that do makeup tutorials and…is called unboxing? I think that’s correct. I had actually matched with another user that did those sort of videos and…I think it’s called hauls? Either way, she recorded in the shop.

Quinn

Hauls are great publicity. Well, I mean, assuming she’s got a high follower base in SanFran. Still, kind of cool. My stuff’s more comedy/lifestyle stuff. I do a lot of Q&A’s, talk about LGBTQ+ issues…It’s whatever I’m inspired to do and the fans are asking for.

Rachel

Do you have a high follower base in SanFran? And what’s your url thingy?

Quinn

My url thingy? Quinncidentally.

Rachel

Thank you.If I stop responding it’s because I find your on air persona either a) irritating, b) fake, c) off-putting, or d) all of the above.

Quinn

But no pressure, right? Suddenly questioning every video I’ve ever uploaded onto my channel. [ after a few hours.] So….That bad, huh?I knew I should have erased that rap video from the internet.

Rachel

What? [ a pause ] Oh. No. My sincerest apologies. I’ve perhaps just slowly been perusing my way through your videography.

Quinn

Oh. It’s just after your warning I thought…Did my SanFran fan base just grow?

Rachel

Again, I apologize, though I’ll admit I’m quite amused that you apparently hold the opinion of a relative stranger in such high regard. And perhaps.

Quinn

I’m an internet personality, Rachel. My livelihood depends on strangers with an internet connection. So what do you think?

Rachel

I enjoyed your candidness during your Q&A videos. You didn’t translate as fake one bit.

Quinn

You strike me as the sort who isn’t easily impressed, so I’ll take that as a compliment. Way better content than haul girl, right? It’s okay, you can say it. It’ll be our secret.

Rachel

That’s some excellent gut instinct, Quinn. And different content, so it would be like apples and oranges. And she did record a video in my shop and it’s a glowing review, so that content? Not sure you can top that quite yet.

Quinn

I guess I’ll just have to up my game. You said you board, right? Maybe you could teach me?The internet loves to watch me fall on my ass.

Rachel

I do. Surf, skate, and every now and then I’ll trek out to the mountains and decide to test my balance and core strength in the snow. And do they? Did I just happen to miss that particular selection of videos?

Quinn

I’m just assuming.Then again, maybe it would be the instructor that catches their attention.

Rachel

Oh? Have I caught your attention, Quinn?

Quinn

Maybe. I’m definitely interested to know more

Rachel

I’m an only child, an early riser, and a vegetarian. 70% of the time I’d rather spend a night in than going out, or if I do go out, I’d prefer to spend my time in an intimate setting with a small group of friends. I love watermelon, take my coffee black, practice yoga, and please disregard that I buried the lead, but as Mary Poppins would say, I’m practically perfect in every way.

Quinn

You’re a vegetarian?

Rachel

That’s literally the only tidbit in which you’re going to comment? [ a beat ] Yes, I’m a veggie.

Quinn

I’m from the south. Even after all these years in SanFran it still takes me by surprise. I’m a homebody myself so I can appreciate your desire to stay in. Most of my outings are work-related or with my dog.

Rachel

What does that mean? The South? And you’re dog is quite handsome.Truly the real star of your show.

Quinn

It means I’m from South Carolina. Not that my parents are cousins. And he is, I know.What can I say? Gil really knows where his light is.

Rachel-

So you’re not just from the South, but also the East Coast. What brought you to the city?

Quinn

Is that like two strikes in your book? Honestly? I came for school but the being on the opposite coast of my parents was also a huge motivator.

Rachel

You don’t get along with your family?

Quinn

I like my sister? My parents are pretty conservative. It is what it is.

Rachel

Is that a question or a statement? So how do they feel about your chosen profession? And the topics you cover?

Quinn

A statement. She’s good people. Oh man. That’s a loaded question. We don’t really talk about it, but it’s that sort of silence that speaks louder than words ever could. But the first ever video I made and posted to the internet was me coming out to my parents. So I guess in a way I owe my career to them. Which they would hate, so it’s sort of strangely satisfying.

Rachel

Just one sibling then? Older? Younger? I don’t think I watched that one since I was going in reverse chronological order, but I suppose it’s a ‘must see.’ [ a long beat ] My mom’s one of my best friends.

Quinn

Just the one, yeah. Older. Nah, you can skip it. At this point, it’s kind of embarrassing. My content quality has seriously improved over the years.That’s kind of awesome, Rachel. You’re lucky.What’s she like?

Rachel

You telling me I should skip only makes me believe I really should check it out, if not just to witness whatever confidence you possessed to come out in that fashion. And I think so, yes. She’s beautiful and talented. If I hadn’t come into her life I think she’d be a star. Instead she trains them now.

Quinn

I wouldn’t say confidence so much as stupidity? I kind of e-mailed them the link and then turned off my phone for a couple of days. When I turned it back on… I realized it wasn’t just my parents who were responding to the video. I think she probably got the better end of that deal. And I think if she’s as cool as you make her sound, she’d probably agree with me on that.

Rachel

Definitely need to watch this video. And are you sure you have me that pegged after just a brief conversation?

Quinn

If you do stop responding after that, I’ll understand. My only defense is that I was young. And I don’t know.Call me cautiously optimistic.