#but that doesnt make that moment any less terrifying

[karda]

irrational fears r so fucking stupid my fear of zombies is always there its ridiculous and ik its dumb and its still horrible. its evwrytime i close my eyes its everytime its dark its everytime its a little too quiet im thinking'there is a zombie outside that window/door/building and i am going to die' its fucking STUPID !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[strictly-confectional]

like to be frank i do think i handle my psychosis pretty well, very rarely am i so bad off/so deep into a delusion that im completely unable to recognize it isnt real. but boy its still very far into “can recognize unreality and distorted thoughts but that doesnt dim down the emotional reaction to them”

[thekingofwinterblog]

Why Maka and Crona works so well together

Probably my favorite part about any series is relationships between characters, what dynamics they have, how shared history drastically affects how they act together, and one of the reasons i love shonen so much, is how great the genre is at taking a relationship of mutual enemies, and flipping it on its head through two very disconnected souls suddenly developing a shared understanding, and a new and powerful bond blossoming from that.

Naruto and Gaara, Luffy and... Everyone, Izuku and Todoroki, heck series like Hajime no Ippo pretty much runs on this kinda dynamic. Even Fairy Tail, which didnt exactly start off great, and only got worse, managed to squeeze out one absolutely excellent character using this dynamic in the form of Gajeel and his relationship with the rest of the fairy tail crew.

In Soul Eater, this method of storytelling is used, speciffically to create the single best relationship between characters that the franchise ever made, in the form of Maka and her rival turned bestie Crona.

I'll leave a full analysis of why the actual fight that formed this relationhip was the series highlight for another day, as what i wanna focus on here is analysing what it is that makes this relationship so great post Crona's heelturn.

What makes Maka and Crona's relationship such a special thing, both in universe and from a storytelling perspective, is that both of them compliment the other perfectly, and helps them to grow... But it's not really spelled out the way that a less talented series might do.

Now with Crona, the way Maka helps in development and growth for the demon swordmaster is pretty obvious.

Timid, shy, afraid, and would much rather stay inside a dark safe, dark shell. That is how Crona starts the series, and doesnt exactly lose these qualities once Medusa's direct influence is lifted.

But that is not what Crona actually wants.

What Crona wants is to connect with people, but is way too terrified to try, as well as risking failing while doing so.

Crona needs someone who is willing to prod and poke, but also to show gentleness while doing so.

What makes their relationship hit so hard from day 1 is how Maka understands Crona completely, and is willing, and wants to give Crona the help and support to break the hold of Medusa. But not only that, Maka WANTS to be around Crona, valuing their relationahip enough that she is willing to stand up to Shinigami to defend Crona if necessary.

Maka thusly serves as Crona's anchorpoint, the center of all character growth and developments. She brings out all the best qualities out of Crona.

But the thing is that this goes both ways, because while the way Maka brings Crona out of the dark shell and into the Light, Crona does the exact same, just in a more subtle manner.

Maka at the start of the series, is a girl that is absolutely defined by her flaws, and all of those flaws are rooted in, not too dissimilar from Crona, fear.

"I wish all of you would just die!"

The total breakdown of her parents relationship, personally witnessing her father's many affairs, and not at all having come to terms with her mother abandoning her, has left Maka with a fear of many, many things.

At the start of the series, that fear manifests itself as being terrified at Soul abandoning her, her being completely unable to find it in herself to try to make up with her father, and her inability to confront the fact her mother abandoned her.

All of it comes together and it brings out all of her worst qualities.

Her hyper agressiveness, her short temper, her complete and total inability of giving her partner and friend soul the benefit of the doubt, and so on.

It also manifests itself in several moments where Maka's fear of danger hamstrings her, like when the sheer power of Stein's soul brings her to her knees, or when her hesitation to using Soul as a weapon(out of fear that he would get hurt) during her first fight with Crona ended up with him having to block an attack in human form, which drastically inreased the actual damage he would have taken as opposed to if she had just blocked the standard way.

Even when Soul was gravely injured, this fear also manifested itself as her being completely unable to really show how devastated she was over how badly he was hurt on her behalf before she was alone with the unconcious Soul.

She was afraid of her father, of stein, of anyone else seeing just how hard things could hit her.

This is not to say that Soul and Maka had an absolute trainwreck of a relationship at the beginning of the series, quite on the contrary.

They have a relatively functioning relationship, where they act as nagging siblings, or a bickering old married couple, but there is always that ugly side of their relationship hiding just under the surface, all fueled by Maka's flaws and fears.

But there is also the opposite, moments where the two strengthen each other, or take the bullet for the other if need be.

But what their relationship does not have, is Soul helping Maka truly grow past her flaws.

Maka at the start of the series and the person she was when she faced Crona a second time was a braver soul than she was in episode 1, but she had not grown past her flaws, merely become hardened, strengthened by expiriences.

Her truly changing from the girl dealing with the aftermath of her parents divorce, into the young woman that would defeat Asura, began in that basement surrounded by pillars.

After their shared experience of connecting to the other's souls, and understanding who Crona was deep down, Maka does something she hasn't truly been able to do since her parents divorce.

She shows genuine, honest compassion and kindness withouth the fear of rejection.

Compassion, understanding, and giving someone the benefit of the doubt.

It all begins here.

This is the point where Maka really begins healing from her parents divorce, where she is finally able to truly bare her heart to another person again withouth the nagging feeling in the back of her mind that she is setting herself up for failure, that was always the big problem with her and Soul's relationship.

Crona is not the only source of Maka's development in the latter half of the series, but it all began here, and Crona keeps bringing out all of Maka's best qualities just by being close to her.

Maka brings out Crona's kidness, bravery, and a deep, deep wish to connect with everyone else, while Crona in turn brings out Maka's compassionate side, her kidness, her understanding side, all of which she had very deliberately buried at the beginning of the series.

And it all culminates in the sand pit, where Maka discovers that her faith in Crona ultimately was misplaced, and she got backstabbed, just as she always feared... And rather than fly off the handle, she reacts with a display of tough love... That is rooted in understanding, and compassion.

She forgives Crona, because she understands. She knows Crona, and she knows just how deep down the scars Medusa gave bites, and so she reacts with understanding, she gives Crona the benefit of the doubt, and her support, a far, far cry from the impulsive and angry girl who screamed that All men should just die in epsiode 1 after feeling hurt by Soul's seeming betrayal.

And when she thinks Crona is about to die, the girl who was once absolutely terrified of showing anyone around her how she felt when she tought Soul might be about to die in a similar situation, and kept it all in, no longer does so, because such display of stoicism to keep face, rather than show the people you care abouy you actually love them, wasn't really worth much to begin with.

Maka Grows a lot over the course of Soul Eater, but the development that really, truly matters, is all rooted in her relationship to Crona.

Understanding, forgiveness, the bravery to take the moral high ground, to show how you truly feel rather than keep up a facade that isnt really you... To happily take the risk of being hurt by opening your heart because you know the warmth and joy that only comes by opening yourself to another person... It's a side of her that only Crona was able to bring out, the same way that only Maka was able to bring out the best aspects of Crona.

And that, is why they have the best relationship in Soul Eater.

[tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors]

im such a big fan of the linda public school vs homeschool debate i think its a really interesting conflict, because obviously roman was homeschooled and it wasnt really beneficial towards him (which virgil could probably sympathise with regarding all of his mortal friends being terrified of him briefly), BUT also trying to tell logan or even patton that public school is the best option for their fae child is so obviously gonna be a problem, and then even when roman saw how logan was treated he didnt see how young it started and how much it was ingrained in him that he was wrong, and virgil didnt really see any of the worst of it so trying to commicate why its such a concerning idea is going to require bringing up some unpleasant things. but ALSO linda is not logan ((is it fair projecting his experiences onto linda or by trying to protect her are they gonna cause a complex anyway where she internalises being fae is wrong?)) or roman or patton or virgil and either choice could be uniquely beneficial or damaging just based on how she responds to her environment, which is impossible to actually determine without some trial and error, and id bet good money they dont want to risk the "error" part at all

just a very cool and interesting debate i feel, i enjoy how everyone has so many reasons to be so emotionally invested

thank you so much, you get exactly the vibe i was going for. the dichotomy of roman and virgil who were so so lonely as children due to isolation, versus logan and patton who were so hurt because of bullying, putting them in two very different camps as to what's best for their kid, makes it SUCH a hard conversation to have. they pretty much start having it the moment she's born and it continues for the next two years, and its the closest to genuinely angry they ever really get with each other. because theyre all really stubborn, but they rarely disagree on something this important so vehemently.

compounded by the fact that they dont yet know if she's going to age more like a fae or a human, and that being a visibly-6yo in middle school would theoretically make that issue exponentially worse

tentatively, im thinking that she will be homeschooled until she goes to college, and also that thats kind of one of the reasons why she doesnt do as well as she hoped. she had structure (in a house full of autistic people, you bet she had structure) but also a lot of freedom over dictating that structure, and the freedom to deviate from it when she needed to (in house full of ADHD people, you bet she was allowed to go run around in the yard whenever she needed a break).

so in college the combination of 1. less structure in the sense that she has less support network and people to hold her accountable and 2. less freedom in the sense that you can leave whenever you want in college, but the class doesnt stop and wait for you to come back, means she doesnt have the skills to make it really work for herself, especially compounded with the fact that she's emotionally much less mature than her peers

and that fucking sucks, for her and for LAMP. because you can debate for years, and you can do your best, and you can do everything right, and your kid might still wind up with baggage because of something you did. something you did and believed in your heart of hearts was the best thing for them.

the world is big and full of sharp things and you cant actually wrap your kid in bubble wrap. the bubble wrap is also full of sharp things, in this metaphor that immediately ran away from me.

all you can do is just keep stocked in bandaids, and hold their hand while you put it on.

[j3st3r-13]

Are you open to requests rn?? Bc if you are, may I pls request Rick Sanchez with interdimensional traveling bf?? If your requests are closed feel free to discard this! Thank you

Rick Sanchez with an interdimensional travelling bf!

rick is used to being the only one who can, so when you have it mastered as well? he doesnt take it well. hes terrified that your gonna supass him so in true rick fashion, he immeditly takes his young grandson to try and kill you.

your just taking a moment, taking a nice drink when some old grandad lunges at you, you dont now why or how hes here. but you fight anyway.

ricks fighting to the death so you flee, hes prepared. you're not.

enemies to loversssss

you begin preparing for rick now, your device is effecient and working. your equipment is leathal and your so ready for this grandad.

rick and morty are getting ice cream when you walk out of your own portal and kick rick into a wall.

you kick the shit out of one another until morty drags him home.

you could chase him to his home, threaten the family. but you dont. in some sad way ricks given you purpuse, so you let him go and wait for him to returm the favour.

It's like peter griffin and that Chicken man

after a few months it feels less like a fight to the death and more like a hangout between friends

youll ask him about how Beths doing as you nearly break his jaw, he asks you about your local bar before hurtling you through a window. its carthatric

one day, your having you usaul "hang outs" but ricks clearly pissed that day, and slices open your abdomen with a lazer.

he freaks

your ears are back up and running long before you can crack open your eyes. your drifting in a sort of haze. the pleasent buzz almost drowns the conversation you still cant see. "your boyfriend has received severe abdomen damage, Doctor Ajsdhswfhasjdkfhvh, its confident that they will recover soon."

"he better. now fuck off." his voice is even more hoarse then usual and he sounds... nearby. ricks here. hes with you. he hasnt left.

your eyes blearily open, and a tired grin breaks open your face. "you didnt deny it, rick."

the scientist practically jumps a foot in the air, before clearing his throat and rubbing the back of his neck."yay. your alive. i wanted your shit- what?"

your grin grows impossibly wider. you've done many things to Rick, reigned hell on his life. but making him nervous? That's a first. even your most elaborate traps he figures out in moments. "he called me your boyfriend, you didnt deny it."

"fuck off, i liked you better asleep."

"i love you too, Rickie."

he pauses eyes wide and he just looks at you. searching your face for any hint of a lie or cruel joke. when he finds nothing he speaks. "who wouldn't? now move up in that bed," you raised a brow and rick scoffed. "Don't get your dick all excited its easier to see interdimensional cable this way. if you gonna be such a fuck-"

your hands to grip his lab coat. touch soft rather than cruel. silently begging for him to stay, you don't like hospitals and he knows that. he knows everything. his bony hands hold your cheek and the movement leaves you breathless, hands that are built for harm. healing. healing you, just you.

---------------------------------------------------

sorry if this isnt exactly what you wanted but I got caught up lmao. feel free to request though. its always fun to write for yall and I love hearing your ideas. yall so creative. :)

[amoristt]

how do you think ghost would react to his partner losing their memory or something :(

if ghost's partner lost their memory of him, he would be absolutely devastated. he would be rocked to his very core- feeling like he was out of his damn mind. the emotional rollar coaster of you injured, the breath of relief where you're awake and you're alive… and then it would all come crumbling down once the doctors realize your situation.

the way you would look at him, with far away eyes void of all that love you'd conjured up for him, would make him sick. for a moment hes almost sure hes going to throw up right then and there. his skin is hot, the air punched from his lungs. but whats crazy is he barely shows it- standing there unmoving except for when he takes a step back, your eyes wide and a shaky 'who are you' dying on your lips. then, when he really takes in your worried expression, he realizes he must look like a monster.

frightening, terrifying to your confused mind. this big, looming man in a skull mask watching your every move from the side of the room in silence.

for the first time in his life, he tries to shrink down on himself. he tucks his arms to his side. lingers in the shadow of that hospital room desperate to appear less than he is. he doesnt say a word after you ask him who he is, locked up, unsure of what to say. it takes the doctor clearing their throat for him to finally mumble, ‘simon.’ and nothing else.

and it hurts so fucking bad in that moment- like somehow you'd died even as you sat there before him. he wants to take you by the shoulders and shake the memories back.

it fucking breaks his heart when he realizes his ornery refusal to let you take photos with him causes a serve lack of any pictures together. nothing to show you that would say look, look. this is us. this is who we are.

and this is all just his initial reaction. with you stuck at the hospital under going treatment after treatment, him back at his home that suddenly feels much too big for him on his own, he’s a wreck. unable to sleep, waiting by the phone in silence in the hopes someone would call and the nightmare would end.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

ALSO. HEYHEYHEY. probably u will have to wait until after i finish 39 to answer this but holy shit dude. how does this translate to new haven wards??? i KNOW youve thought about it man. oh my fucking god. what r we doing to wibby. wraith. <- i really like this for him btw. haven't they been through enough!!!!!! also is this related 2 the second trigger situation it HAS to be right??

OKAY!!!!! HI !!!! HERE IT IS MY THOUGHTS ON WIBBY SECOND TRIGGER !!!!!!!!

when i say thoughts i mean this is less going to be an essay like my other nhw posts and more just. me throwing spaghetti at the wall and then turning to you like :D!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK etc etc. i havent rlly thought about this like... plot wise??? or tried to make it make sense yet. so dont be disappointed when this is sort of short in comparison

anyway. for the LONGEST time i thought we were going to make the "absorbing kemuri's soul" thing his trigger event so that he could have the smoke powers, but.... honestly in comparison to everything else that moment was not NEARLY traumatizing enough

the reason i like this specific event as his second trigger is like. its SO fucking similar to his first. in his first trigger event, he fell off the cliff. he was still alive at the bottom, but unable to move or speak or call for help. he was stuck there for [x amount of time] but never actually triggered until someone found him and took him back. in this.... he literally gets torn in fucking half. but hes still alive. he can feel it, he knows whats happening, its the most terrifying and painful and miserable thing hes ever been through. again, he cant move. he cant talk. he cant call for help. the others dont even realize hes still alive at first, so he can hear them screaming. he still doesnt trigger until.. dakota. dakota, who can Feel it. dakota, who rushes into the danger zone as soon as he's able to and knows hes alive and desperately tries to push him back together, the whole time crying about "its gonna be okay, we'll fix it, you're gonna be okay" and just. desperately trying to do anything. THATS when he triggers.

the thing is thoughhhh. i dont think the second trigger is what actually heals him. i think he triggers and every single one of the capes in that clearing goes down for the vision, INCLUDING muse. wraith is one of the first ones to come back to consciousness but. hes still fucking torn in half! he can feel this horrible new power but he cant do anything about it because hes still got his guts all over the forest floor! uhhhh for the way he gets healed theres maybe a couple options,,, either trickster also gets the vision and thinks its hilarious that he caused a trigger event and has muse stitch wibby up himself or likee... he has to stay like that until they beat trickster and get ashe back and then they have to keep ashe in his breaker state until he fixes william. or theres some sort of.. before they beat trickster or whatever they force him to control muse into fixing him. IDK. something along those lines.

AS FOR HIS POWERS...... IDK. i dont know what they would be. i want them to be sort of like. functionally similar to the smoke powers i guess???? but maybe not explicitly the same. i still want him to be able to give xavier and david fucking awful horrible nightmare visions. i think that would probably fall under either master or shaker category????? IDK help me out with this one. also like u said before we're gonna have to fuck with the timeline and have at least the belltech part of greyscale happen after the muse final battle. which. ohhh my god i have a lot of feelings about that for the freedom city wards especially. oaugh.

I THINK THATS IT FOR NOW... IDK GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS I KNOW EVERYTHING IS SO FRESH IN UR MIND BUT IF U HAVE ANY IDEAS I WOULD LOOOOOVE TO HEAR THEM

[phykios]

#TLT CLAIMING SCENE FOREVER BECAUSE EVEN TIL NOW THE IMAGERY IS STUCK IN MY HEAD!!!!!!!!#honestly i truly believe tlt claiming scene is the major reason why percy living as atlantis royalty fics exist#its!!! basically!!! a!!! coronation!!!!! and at the center of it all is a terrified and confused little boy who doesn't want the crown!!!!!#its the juxtaposition of who we know percy to be and who percy understands himself to be#and how everybody else sees percy in that moment#'hail perseus jackson son of the sea god' HOLY SHIT??????#it makes special mention of clarisse kneeling down. annabeth. even chiron.#that enemies and mentors are acknowledging percy in a position of power#kneeling like theyre simultaneously recognizing that power and like they're pledging allegiance to a new king#and the imagery of like. the darkness of the forest illuminated by the divinity inherent in poseidon's glowing trident#thats ABOVE PERCY's HEAD!!! LIKE A CROWN!!!!#after he himself was covered by blood and miraculously healed by the mere touch of water#like. french kings would kill their children for less. this is literally one of the best ways to illustrate divine right to rule#and its crazy because DESPITE ALL THIS HAPPENING percy is just in the middle and he's apologizing!!! he's apologizing!!!#he doesnt know whats happening and nothing is his fault but this sweet innocent boy is just apologizing!!!!! saying sorry over and over#if there's any scene i want the show to get right in its first season its this.#because this is where -- even when we don't know it yet and percy doesn't know it yet --#we see the power he has inherent in himself#that we finally see let out in its most destructive potential in st helens. three books later.#a true son of the sea god. fuck. what a scene#percy jackson

giving @cutesilyo's tags their own post because my god

[dent-de-leon]

Obsessed with the idea of Molly being terrified of Lucien, wanting nothing to do with him and insisting that that person is dead because he was scared that Lucien just naturally desired to be cruel and that was something he never ever wanted.

But then Lucien comes back and Molly realising that Lucien largely doesnt WANT to be cruel. But he's been so warped by pain and fear that he thinks that control and possession and manipulation is the only way to keep people from hurting you.

And Molly is like "Oh honey no.... let's get you some therapy."

Molly never wanted to be cruel, ever. But helping someone in pain learn to open up to gentleness and vulnerability? To show kindness? That scares him a lot less and it's what finally leads to their peace. To Kingsley.

Acknowledging and healing Lucien's pain and fear allowed them both to be better

yES!! Mollymauk is so haunted by the little glimpses he sees of Lucien's past, lives in constant fear of those terrifying moments when another life bleeds through. "Whoever it was came to that end, and I want nothing to do with that. Whatever it was, it doesn't feel good when I--when something creeps through, I don't like it. I don't want anything to do with it. I was happy! I liked the circus! The circus was great!"

He crawled his way out of an unmarked grave and woke all alone in the world, reaching for a red moon in the dark. He's always been aware just how fragile his life is, afraid that he'd be sent back to the grave, that his charmed little life at the circus could be torn away from him at any moment--as could his loved ones, like Lestera.

Mollymauk always seemed to believe his time was short, so he always tries to make the most of it. Which involved running away from the past--from anything that could shatter the tentative peace he tried so hard to keep. Whoever Lucien was, Molly knows just enough to instinctively fear him, to believe that all his loved ones would abandon him if they ever knew the truth. During the Zone of Truth, he confesses that, "A lot of this was in the hopes that maybe it would never happen; keep moving, keep quiet."

So I can't agree more--watching Mollymauk face his greatest fear, seeing him finally confront Lucien after all this time--and he's still kind and compassionate enough to try and help him? After everything he did? It's such a pleasant surprise, and just a testament to his character and bleeding heart. I don't think there's many people who'd be able to look at this dark mirror of themselves and have the capacity for love and forgiveness that Molly does.

But of course Mollymauk still wants to help him, still genuinely cares for him. It's, "That's not how we are, Lucien. We love broken things the most." And, "I know what the others think, but the truth is...How do I put this...The world is harsh and cruel, and I don't seem to be able to just walk on by. You see a wrong? You fix it." He saw how much Lucien was suffering, he saw just how painfully alike they are--that they were both "broken," shattered souls--and he couldn't just leave him. He couldn't. Mollymauk just can't bear to abandon someone, and it breaks my heart.

And I think a big part of Lucien's fall also stems from just how much self loathing and disgust he wallowed in, how he clings so desperately to the idea he has this "glint." That he was meant for bigger, better things, that he's somehow fated for so much more--that there's an escape from his painful, bloodstained past in Shadycreek. I think Beau really struck a nerve when she asked, "Do you think you're special, Lucien? I mean, someone who wakes up every day, and thinks they're different, blessed." Because god, he wants to be. He wants to be someone capable and powerful and worthy, craves it more than anything, even as he keeps running away.

He holds onto a stack of letters from his sister that he absolutely treasures, yet he doesn't dare answer any of them--too paralyzed with fear at what she'd think, terrified she'd see the person he'd become. He thinks he's not good enough to go back to her, has nothing at all to offer her. And I think that's part of why he bought into the Somnovem so quickly; he was desperate for a way out. A chance to be more. He needs to have this glint Cree mentioned, because then there's still hope. He can still be someone fortunate enough to take care of his sister, to get them away from Shadycreek forever. He can still be one of the heroes in the little plays he used to perform. He can still change his fate. And, most tempting of all, he can bring his family back.

And it's so sad that his self-depreciation and guilt started so young, that even as a child, he was tormented by all the atrocities his parents forced him to be complicit in. Until Lucien couldn't bear what they'd turned him into anymore, and he makes sure they can't hurt anyone else ever again. "After a while I couldn't let it go on, couldn't look at myself or live with myself, so I burned the caravan with all three of them inside, took my sister, and that was that...No more little songs. No more farces."

Mollymauk is fascinating, because he's another facet of Lucien. He was born from the very same soul. So in one sense, I think Molly reconnecting with Lucien is so beautiful, because it really does feel like a kind of self love and acceptance. But in another way, I think they're almost like family too. It really struck me that Kingsley called Molly a "brother;" just the way that he said, "Everyone should have a brother." It's such a sweet sentiment, especially considering that Lucien had a brother--someone he lost so long ago.

A corpse left buried in the snow. An empty puppet. A hollow, ghastly reminder of the person he once knew. Lucien had a brother, and they were killed, their body desecrated by their own parents. He had a sister, who he was willing to sacrifice everything for, and it still wasn't enough. In the end, even she doesn't trust him anymore, and he's entirely alone. So then here's Molly, and he does the one thing that Aldreda and the rest of his family never did. He decides to stay with Lucien. To reach a hand to him when he needs it the most.

In many ways, Molly is the family that Lucien always wished for. Ironically? If they actually were siblings, I think Lucien would've been very protective of him. Even as things are, Lucien still starts to grow a bit fond of Mollymauk in spite of himself. Starts to slowly regret the life he'd taken from him, as loathe as he is to admit it. "Nothing about this has been easy, and our hard work is at an end. Our chats have been...edifying. Goodbye, Tealeaf. You won't survive where I'm going."

I do think the end of the novel really did reassure me about a lot of why I found C2 heartbreaking, because I like that Molly and Lucien both decided to come back together. That it was a choice they both made, and they both live on as Kingsley. It's Molly getting another chance and yet deciding to bring Lucien back with him, because Molly thinks he deserves it too. It's neither of them being alone. It's both of them returning to the Nein, hand in hand, and deciding to try again--

[funsizedshark]

not to project my very own complex feelings about haircuts and femininity but imo harrow's haircuts are thematically important just like her face paint... the narration in htn remarks time and time again how she needs a haircut. you could argue that she keeps up the haircuts in the mithraeum because of tradition and familiarity, but the in-text explanation as to why she /doesnt/ cut it is because she's terrified its her only symptom of lyctorhood. in the same passage we get this:

those last two sentences specifically are something that will be intimately familiar to anyone who's had their haircut dissected as a topic of conversation by family members, deemed "too masculine", "too short", "not feminine enough", "you would look so much prettier with long/longer hair", all while knowing that the alternative (something long, ""classically feminine"" or whatever that means) will feel annoying and uncomfortable and very far removed from the way you want to present.

all throughout this ianthe is there being proud of her makeover moment, and harrow rebels against it in the only way she knows how, by doing the one thing she can do in that moment to make herself less "pretty" because freedom of presentation and self-determination go hand in hand

ianthe's manipulation of harrowhark's appearance through her hair ("it's the little things") purposefully takes away some of her agency in an environment thats already fraught, and combined with the popular theory ive seen that ianthe changed corona's appearance with necromancy it really reads as just another way to control the people around her ("i made you, you owe me etc etc"). even with john her longer hair leaves her vulnerable to gestures like this, which in any other circumstance would feel uncomfortable and overfamiliar, but in harrow's unstable emotional situation it feels like being offered gentleness:

but it's not! it's not a gentle touch, he's touching her to examine her after trying to convince her there is no way she could have opened the tomb, lowering harrow's defenses and leaving her to doubt herself more than she already does

anyway. this rant doesnt really have a Point point but its one of those details that i think are Very interesting in the narration and id love to see it explored more

[i-sveikata]

For the next chapter. For the sentence that you put of Vegas saying to Pete ‘I can’t lose you’. Is that after Pete goes to the stranger or before? Because it will make Vegas even more paranoid about Pete leaving him for someone else. What will be the worst thing Vegas will do in order not to lose Pete. Kill his competition? I know Vegas is afraid of losing him, he is terrified, will he ever let Pete know about it?

I know it’s a lot of questions but I am really intrigued about Vegas and his toxic behavior. Because it is obviously a very toxic relationship but they nevertheless can live without each other.

hey anon, it's before!!!!!! it's on the drive after they leave nong kwai- vegas is assuming that pete is asleep already otherwise im not sure he would have been so honest about this specific insecurity (pete doesnt know/hasnt figured out that one of Vegas' biggest fears is hes going to ruin things and push pete away for good/ lose him eventually)

since its an insecurity, its actually a lot more unfounded than vegas thinks. like pete is very much matching his freak4freak and they've drawn pretty clear lines around what they want from each other. which is why theyre at this stage where they seem extremely committed without actually admitting they're committed to one another (at least on petes end). pete hooking up with a stranger and- not sure that ive actually spoiled this yet, but not actually enjoying the encounter- is the final push pete needs to actually admit that what he feels for vegas is not going away and isnt transferable. its also the last bit of evidence/ proof? idk how to phrase it but like a final indication to vegas that pete is in this with him- when hes topping pete it finally gives him the confidence to push in the way he's largely been afraid of pushing before-challenging pete on his attraction to vegas and what that means for their relationship in terms of exclusivity. particularly when they both seem to firmly decide on choosing each other and keeping any third parties out.

like obvs its going to be a HUGE step forward for them but its pete hes not going to roll over and give everything up at once. hes still going to be holding onto actually admitting he's in love- because he still hasnt yet admitted that to himself. which is what he needs to do first.

its actually a lot harder for vegas to push pete away at this point- like were at the stage in the fic where pete is aware enough of his feelings but still afraid to admit that hes in love. and vegas is trying to get them over that threshold but hes kind of at a loss of how to do it without outright forcing pete in a way that hes not ready for. the circumstances in the bathroom, make it a little too much of a satisfying conclusion for vegas to actually spare a thought for killing the stranger- its very obvious to vegas that the man isnt doing anything for pete when he interrupts them so hes actually not viewing him as competition in that moment. idk how he would react but if im being honest when weve seen vegas' jealous side i dont think even he particularly believes in them being a real tangible threat? like hes being petulant and immature about it sure but pete isnt giving him an actual reason to feel truly threatened if that makes sense? vegas is just letting his own insecurity run wild/combined with the fear of losing pete. i dont think hes actually viewing anyone else as a true threat to his connection to pete in the end. maybe later down the track when he feels more secure in the relationship (and petes feelings) vegas might actually admit to the fear of losing pete but as of right now hes too afraid to talk about it- less he make it a reality.

no nothing wrong with questions honestly!!! lol tbh im kind of at the stage now where 'toxic relationship' has become such a catch all term for a lot of things and has been so overused to the point where its kind of lost all meaning to me. ppl are so quick to jump to that conclusion for any kind of negative behaviour or mistake and its been misapplied so often that its not generally a phrase i take seriously anymore. but yes 100% they are a messed up relationship (but also not real so who cares lol) and they seem to be muddling their way through that as best they can!

[angeart]

the new art for hhau is so good! they look so happy in that moment and the way grians wings fit so nicely under scars and the fact that hes comfortable with that? with hugging scar with his wings? aaaaaaaa

the fact he has a little plush chicken? scar won him something? is so cute? i love it

(hope nothing too bad happens with the "no matter how they want to spin it" that doesnt sound like a very supportive community it sounds like grians gonna have even more selfworth issues and scars gonna be even more overprotective bUT THEY CAN HAVE SOFT THINGS YES? JUST A LITTLE BIT?)

and on another note

the ari au hurts so bad omg

the fact that all of this is just spiralling and spiralling

grians loss of control due to her own actions but also the actions of others but also his mental health and scar just trying to be there but its hard and how do you help a person who desperately wants to just have control over their own life but that control could lead to the loss of their life and the issues that come with a lack of agency especially after a suicide attempt with significant mental health issues and just. how do you help. especially in grians situation where it is so hard to escape the public eye with how big she blew up and how much blowing up the news is doing and how its ruining things he loved and she really just needs to have space and time to heal but how can she heal when the things he loves are being taken away from her along with her privacy and agency from the public first but now also from people he trusts because they cant trust him not to commit suicide and

anyway

it hurts so bad and i will definitely be reading the next part while tearing my heart out of my chest (positive)

-burny anon

YAYY so happy you like the recent hhau art!! <3 the way grian's wings slot under scar's and around him is so precious 🥺 especially since it's a rare and hard-fought gesture!

you know... you say you hope nothing bad happens to them. i was gonna give more teases/spoilers, but maybe not here. you know what i'll give here? consider this:

maybe the community is good for them.

maybe it still damages them irreparably.

:))))

nOW THE ARI AU! ARI AU ARI AU ARI AU

it's so weird to say that it's a much darker au than hhau, when hhau is already made of concentrated angst, but... yeah. it is. and i wasn't sure if people will like it / read it, but yay!

there's so much spiralling there. grian's not doing well at all. (and neither is scar, in different ways.)

and as you say, it's so tricky! grian's desperate to have some control, but it's constantly being taken away. there's no privacy, a crumbling sense of self, everything he loved doing and dreamed of slinking sharply out of reach, turning into something frightening. and on top of that, all of the mental health struggles that lead only to less control... because how can she be trusted with a sliver of control, if this is what she does with it? self-destructive, cornered, and desperate. but what else is he meant to do...?

scar wants to help. he wants to so, so much. but how? what can he do, at this point but be there? and it's so stressful. it feels like grian's life now literally relies on him! he can't make any mistakes here. not anymore. please, please, please.

they're both terrified in different ways, absolutely despondent... but at least they have each other. at least there's that.

(grian thinks scar'd be better off without him.)

(scar is terrified that grian will disappear any moment and he won't be able to do a damn thing to stop it.)

they can't even try to heal quietly. privately. all eyes are hungrily on grian/ari, watching every step, ready to pounce and misinterpret and tear apart. there are hands reaching out with nothing but insatiable greed.

she's not a person. she's an item, a commodity, an object, and... how can she reclaim herself? when everything hurts, and everything is so scary, and there's not a single step to take without pointed fingers and judgement, camera flashes and mobs, ridicule and scorn?

but they can't just stay cooped up inside, curtains drawn, not really living either. so what else is there? (grian certainly only sees one way out, most days.)

... mm. ari au the beloved.

as for the next part, look forward! i stole it from ben so i will be the one writing this one :3c expect some feelings mhm mhm!

[tokyogruel]

@mikomappi i would warn you not to instigate me but its too late.

also i know this was bc of a meme post but genuinely i cant get him out of my head, i need to talk abt him & scream

ok so heres the thing abt my interpretation of haruka: im insane

tw for mentions of SH and sui. i mean its. its haruka.

hes a dog who's warning signs have been ignored for so long that he bites anyone who comes near, he's autistic, he has dyscalculia, he has dyslexia, he has body dysmorphia

he has no impulse control, he bites himself when he's distressed, he just wants love but the moment he gets it, it terrifies him & he has to destroy it

he fears anyone who seems to have any amount of power over him.

in my opinion: he had a sister who he grew up being overshadowed by because he was older & amab and he detests her so much for his mothers actions, he no longer considers her to be family

he fears kids & he fears what he's capable of doing to other people, he doesnt want to destroy things but its all he thinks he's capable of, he cant cry anymore & he feels he used up all the tears he could possibly shed in one lifetime

he has blue hair & pronouns, he's gotten himself sick on expired medication because his mother never took him to the doctor, he whines when he gets a headache (often)

he is strangely attached to EVERYONE in milgram imo, in their own weird ways. we all know he's dedicated to muu but. if he was close to yuno he would see her as a mother, im fairly certain fuuta will intervene on his suicide attempt. he idolizes shidou for bandaging him up once or twice

he envies the affection mahiru doles out to others (& basks in the affection she gives to him) he glances nervously across the room at kazui & feels his chest tighten holding back non existent tears when 07 gives him a warm smile in return

hes not afraid of amane anymore but that only makes him avoid her more- he cant stand the thought of being responsible for hurting her somehow

he revels in how mikoto seems to mesh so well with everyone, & of course he notices 09s mood swings & temperment changes, its incredible that nobody else comments on it, when theyve pointed out when 01 has swings. he finds kotoko to be intimidating, but he's infatuated with how strong and confident she is, he wants to be more like her

he idolizes Es & craves their attention. he knows Es could care less about him, but he cant help but be drawn to them.

if he had an ounce of confidence he would be so unabashedly cringe & loud & would smother everyone with his feelings & love & attention

if he knew what a furry was he'd make a fursona & make being a gay dog fish dragon his personality

[bababaka]

What i'd change in this piece of media! Or just rewritting it. Because truly it is right now.

Today's episode is.... Twilight!

Because for some reason i started thinking about Edward and Jasper and how they could be fixed and it turned into this clusterfuck. Anyways.

Twilight.

It is so damn boring! But it has potencial.

Ok. Let me explain myself. I started reading twilight's fanfiction without having ever watched the movies. At the time the movies came out, i was too young to take any interest in it, although the women around me did, and they fawned over Jacob and his shirtless scenes. Which was how i was team Jacob (not anymore tho ew)

Nevermind that, thing is, i only watched the movies after reading the phenomenal and creative fics. So, to me the movies paled in comparison.

Don't get me wrong. Twilight was a huge sucess, so it clearly did something right. This is only my opnion, okay?

Lets go.

So, the author created so many interesting characters and then proceeded to give us the most boring ones as the protagonists.

And Edward and Bella are actually interesting. But we got stuck with their annoying versions.

And beyond that, the really interesting side characters never have a chance to be developed. T-T

Not as much as they deserved at least.

And please, the Volturi needed a spin off of their own. Something akin to The Originals and The vampire Diaries.

Anyways, in this first part, i want to talk about how we could get into and actually develope the characters. I'll talk about each movie later.

First, our protagonists. Edward Cullen and Bella Swan.

Ok. I would LOVE if we had Edward at his antihero phase. Maybe at the tail end of it, maybe at its climax.

Would love to see Red Eyes Edward. Avenging men and women who were raped, tortured, murdered as he battles with his own sense of humanity and self hatred. Trying to do something good while still being a monster.

And yes, he would still be his edgelord self. But now his breakdowns would happen as he is covered by someone else's blood and insides. Rocking himself in a alleyway's corner, looking at nothing as the body at his feet just gets colder and colder.

At some point, he would kill someone inocent. Who was wrongly accused of something. And when he discovers this, he sees his victim's mother crying, yelling at the heavens, begging for answers, for justice. For something. Anything. And Edward would hate himself for thinking for a moment he could do good. "You're a murderer, a demon. You're the one who deserves to die."

And then we have Bella, just as she is. I wouldn't change much about her really. Just make her a bit less "not like other girls" and lessen her infatuation with Edward. Or maybe amplify it. But in a different way. She is taken with Edward not because wow, he is handsome, misterious or smth. But because he is weird. Maybe even have a monsterloving Bella. Who is fascinated by this idea of an angel of death. But as she encounters it, him, she realizes nothing is black in white. He kills people. Humans like her.

She would be attracted, but terrified. Battling against her morals. He has to feed, but he kills only those who are criminals. But who is he to play the judge and jury? And would be interesting for Edward to become more attached to life and morals (as in, murder is murder, bitch. Stop killing people even though theyre criminals and deserve it. Youre not God).

I would love to see their oposing ideas inspire each other and provoke drama and grownth.

Also, id love to see Bella's reasons to be a vampire to be more than Edward. I saw this idea on tiktok i think. And it makes so much sense.

Her reasons would be: she is a bit of a history nerd and wants to be there as historical moments are happening and live to see its repercursions; she is afraid of getting old( but not dying, since she is suicidal and has a kinda morbid curiosity about it); she doesnt want to lose Alice, or Emmett, nor Jasper or Rosalie and Carlisle and Esme; she wants to feel part of something, this family, something she severely lacked as a child and still do as a teenager.

I want a Bella that is in love and obssessed with Edward, but as the story goes on, she learns to be independent. She learns how to be confident in her weird self. And have more than just Edward, although she is very much in love with him.

She would not get pregnant. But would be a vampire because dude. She is so much better as a vampire. Lord above. And well that would be the culmination of her character growth.

Next episode:

Alice, Jasper and him being a confederate soldie or smth :)

Reminder, if you do not agree with me, thats okay. If you want to let me know about your opnion, be nice about it.

Aaaand, this is only for fun. I've never read the books, and its been a long time since i've watched the movies. So, chill.

Part 2 is among us, yo.

Here.

[ganbaremidori]

cosmic feelings [ii] h.s

synopsis: harry hunts down the girl who’s been haunting his dreams - which isn’t really difficult when you’re as powerful as him. 

so originally harry thought he was only attracted to this girl because she was so unlike the other girls and so unlike what he’s used to - a mere curious attraction to a stranger which eventually fades away and so does your memory of them. because thats whats logically supposed to happen, right? and maybe with others this was what happens, but not with harry. hence despite his original hypothesis, the end result is nothing close to being similar. 

in fact, funnily enough, it’s the opposite!

days pass and harry just cant get this fierce girl out of his mind. he goes to sleep with her breaths echoing in his ears and wakes to her eyes. doesnt help the matter at all when every waking moment hes thinking of her. its just her, her, her and her. and harrys about to combust from all of this pent up frustration because all hes thinking about is her and its like his brain refuses to conjure any other image than her face and he has so many papers left to read and sign-

but then. but then in a moment of stunning clarity harry realizes something. something that terrified him at the time but proved to be the second brightest thought that has ever crossed his mind. 

harry has a stupid little crush on the waitress that told him to fuck off. politely. 

then a lot like cancer, his brain went through four stages. 

1. denial; harry just cant believe he’d like someone! people in his workplace know him as this monster whos gonna eat them up or worse fire them without notice and hes over here getting putty over some girl he met for less than two minutes? it doesnt mathematically, statistically, hypothetically, metaphysically, realistically make sense. so how in the universe did he-

2. anger; how dare harry like someone? and how dare someone else rule over his heart and mind like this? how dare someone make him doubt his decisions for even a second? how dare this someone make him wonder what type of cheesecake theyd like when his secretary asked him if he wanted a cheesecake from this really good bakery down the street? and how dare he ponder over if this someone would appreciate the tie hes wearing to work today? 

3. bargaining; and now harrys usually not like this. usually. but this situation is nothing close to being usual. it is as unusual as it can be. to now go back to normal and teach his mind a lesson harry decides to try meeting and chatting with other women to forget her. that has got to be the solution right? if he meets with another woman whos better, prettier - hes got to forget about that waitress hes hopelessly in love with right? then why, why does he keep searching for her face in every stranger he sits across on a super fancy restaurant? 

4. acceptance; finally, finally after many failed attempts to get his heart and brain to agree with each other, he accepts defeat. fine. fine he’ll talk to her properly the next time. the next time he accidentally stumbles upon her beautiful figure in the midst of a bland crowd. 

their next meeting wasnt accidental. not at all. but harry thinks its not his fault that he consciously made the decision to rush to the next ball - the ones he despises - when the invite slid in. and harry thinks its very normal when he spends extra time cleaning himself up and shaving and picking a very handsome suit. he just wants to look pretty for himself - who said that it was for a very specific person? 

his eyes never seemed to leave the crowd - darting from one person to the next. he’s in search. search for the captivating woman who has plagued his nights and mornings. he’s completely surrendered, he thinks pathetically to himself. utterly arrested underneath her. and she doesn’t even know it yet. 

but he is pulled out of his fantasies when his eyes catch the sight of the one hes being waiting for all this time. dressed in her uniform with stray hairs and a non existent makeup is her, balancing trays on her hands. his eyes follow her until she disappears behind the bar. harry slowly stalks towards the table with his name decorated on thin, golden letters on a richly textured paper. 

harry styles. 

he sits down and calls for a waiter. a waiter arrives almost immediately. 

“i, uh, i’ll have a casamigos.” harry utters. “oh and-” and harry realizes that he doesnt even know her name. but just then, as if fate, she walks out of the bar and she’s about to pass his table. “could you please have her deliver the drink?” harry asks, pointing at the girl. 

the waiter follows harrys finger and his eyes land on her. he smiles. “[y/n]? sure thing, sir. absolutely.”

and then the waiters gone. 

suddenly, harry has this urge to bite his nails. hes nervous. hes never been nervous before. not when he was taking on this huge company by himself with no one by his side, not when his name was on every magazine, never. but oh, whats he gonna say in front of her? is he gonna be a bumbling idiot or is he gonna confidently and smoothly charm her? 

“mr. styles?” that voice bubbles - the sweetest sound like softest honey, the softest sunshine. “your drink.”

and as harry looks up at her, he can tell the recognition that flashes across her face. ohmygod- it’s that powerful man my best friend drenched in some liquid and the person i talked back to!

“thank you, darlin’” harry murmurs, gently taking the drink out of [y/n]s hand.

she must notice the stark difference between the angry man she met couple of weeks ago and the sweet man whos in front of her right now. 

“uh, okay, um.” [y/n] breathes in. then breathes out slowly. “i’ve gotta run but call anybody if you need anything, all right?”

and thats the second interaction harrys ever had with [y/n], which makes him fall even deeper. without ever even knowing her last name.  

[armyofpsychictrashcans]

I just really wanted to make a short analysis on Helly’s character in severance cause gosh I just love her so much(tw attempted unalivement). To me it’s really interesting how she is introduced as the fish out of water, completely new at the company and it is just so painfully obvious that she doesnt fit in. But in my opinion where her character really shines are her apologies. As soon as she is introduced its clear shes a fighter, she doesnt take things lying down and if somebody tries to subjugate her they will rue the day they did. But when she finally gets to send a message to her outtie, she is greeted with this.

“ Eventually, we all have to accept reality. So, here it is. I am a person. You are not. “

-’outie’ Helly

While severance is never really subtle with it’s messaging, this is some of the most blatant hitting you over the head with the words CAPITALISM BAD. Especially when Helly’s outtie’s position is revealed, it’s clear, workers severed people are not treated as humans, are seen as unworthy of even making a decision. They simply exist to work, nothing else. Not very subtle but at the same time this scene is fucking terrifying and I love it. But even this doesnt break Helly. She isn’t anything if not a fighter, so fuck it, right? And so she tries something again. And fails. But this time Mark cant protect her anymore, and she is forced to face the punishment herself

“ Forgive me for the harm I have caused this world. None may atone for my actions but me and only in me shall their stain live on. I am thankful to have been caught, my fall cut short by those with wizened hands. All I can be is sorry, and that is all I am.“

I love the break room. It is such a barbaric concept, and the way it is framed is just beautifully terrifying. Repetition is well known as a brainwashing technique(which Lumen is absolutely abundant in), but it’s use in severance does not fail in making it any less terrifying. The apology Helly and others are forced to recite make it clear. We know what’s best, you don’t. Dont question us. In which the sentence  I am thankful to have been caught, my fall cut short by those with wizened hands, the most obvious in it’s messaging(which will be important later). At this point her character is in a standstill. Her character is defined by her strong force of will, and for a short time after this as a viewer it seems as if they finally broke it. She’s despondent and, while slowly, starts doing her work. And in a way, they have finally cornered her. But then you see, she’s grabbed an extension cord. And huh, why is she taking that trash can?

Hands down one of the most shocking and traumatic moments of the show. It is an extremely weird combo of ‘WHAT THE HELL WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT NONONO PLEASE STOP’ and ‘yeah she would totally do that but OUCH’. And even after this moment, she states that all that she wants is for that other version of her to suffer, and know that it was by her hands. So I mean yeah. In character but painful nonetheless. This is a major turning point in the series, not only for Helly but also for a lot of other characters. Helly comes to realise that she physically can not do this on her own, and eventually learns to trust the rest of MDR, including Mark. Which allows them to properly work together to accomplish something big. Getting to wake up as their outside selves. Getting to know who they are. Who are they really? Why would they go through severance?

The Helly scenes in the final episode are truly horrific. It was easy to write off Helly’s outie as just a bad misguided person after her tape, but the realisation that she did all of this, just as a pr stunt, as the next in line to recieve the Kier empire is just terrifying. Seeing the blank happy faces of MDR, knowing what you know, it feels gross. And the conversation with her father is just as bone-chilling. The barely contained hatred the father displays for innie helly while she is literally the same person is just a wonderful way to ramp up the tension.

“ I remember you saying ‘It’s so pretty daddy. Everybody in the whole world should get one!’. They will. Because of you “

-Jame Eagen

I think in general this is a really good scene, but even just alone these few lines just highlight the utter disilusionment of the Kier family. And the next scene is probably my favourite scene in the whole show.

“ Forgive me for the harm I have caused this world. None may atone for my actions but me and only in me shall their stain live on. All I can be is sorry, and that is all I am. “

Many people point to her speech after this as Helly’s defining moment, but to me this scene perfectly exemplifies her character and the growth she goes through. This quiet moment of introspection and accountability is just fuckin rad to me. She could easily say that this was her outies actions, she had nothing to do with this. But no, she realises that somewhere inside her she is this person, and that person is deeply troubling and has hurt so many people. And so she solemnly repeats the phrases made to break her spirit and makes it her own. I also think it is super interesting how she dropped the third phrase from the apology, while also just not making sense in the context of this scene it also says so much in terms of the themes of severance. The people with power need to realise the power they have over others, and reckon with what they’ve done with it. And honestly look at themselves, there are no ‘wizened hands’ to hold you accountable, you need to do that yourself. And that really is just the beauty of Helly’s character and the show as a whole. And I haven’t even talked about the other characters, the weirdly poignant themes of religious disillusionment or the cult-like techniques Lumen uses to keep employees in line. Just ugh very good show. Please give me season 2 now please dude I need it.