#but thats a whole topic right there that i am not going to pretend I can get into

[crowcryptid]

do u think people would be less stupid about ai if it was called something else

Like if they knew it wasn’t “smart” and is instead plagiarizing would they stop worshiping it so much

Then again the people who are into it are nft cryptobros and very real business™️ people with real jobs that definitely aren’t fake (cough) who just want to fire anyone to save .1% of the company budget

so they’d probably fall for it anyway

It just seems like people are getting the wrong idea :p

[eastereggie]

woohoo !! didnt except to respond to this whole essay (for more context, im talking about the document jay made about the drama in the kaeloo fandom lol) considering the fact that its basically just 222 pages of insults towards random (and especially her mental state -who tf do you think you are btw) and then pretending to be a saint by randomly saying "b-but ! i dont h-hate you guys 🥺". i knew that this whole "call-out post" would be bullshit, but thats just low. really, really low. i figured that you and your little friends (or should i refer to yall as a cult too ? since we're going in the extremes :)) were mostly just here to insult people and play the victims, but i didnt think it would be that bad. i wont say much about whats in the document because i think its randoms place to do so, since its basically just a long ass diss to her, but i still wanted to write a short response. am i allowed to though ? i mean, as a teen (even if im 18 in a few months, ive been called underage in your document so ill go with that) i can draw and read explicit content to explore my sexuality 🥺🥺 but i cant think for myself right ? :/ thats too bad. i cant agree with my friends because that would also mean that im a yes-man and that im being manipulated or wtv helps you sleep at night lol

this is just to respond to the little part that has been directly adressed to me: if my answers are short when the drama is brought up its because...i actually dont give that much of a fuck about the drama itself. do i think that you guys are gross for writing and drawing porn of children and animals ? yes, i do. would i care if you just stayed in your own server to share that shit to your "safe place" ? absolutely not. you do you. that is none of my problems if you dont bring it up in a space you share with KIDS. thats the whole problem with you. you posted your disgusting content in websites where kids will obviously find. as an adult, you must be really naive to think that they will just read your warning and think: oh yeah !! ill just move on to a new fic :3 !!

they are kids. this is a kid show. obviously, you are sharing your fandom with kids, and you have to be careful about that. that is your responsibility, whether you like it or not. you cannot except to be appreciated and respected when you write porn about kids, in a fandom full of kids. if you genuinely, truly believe that everyone should accept you for that...then man, theres nothing i can do for you. but you know, you could share your things since you cherish them so much in patreon or in your discord server if its too explicit, but ao3 ? wattpad ? the stm ? those are FILLED with young teens. i can't believe you're whining about having to respect rules to coexist in a fandom of a show about kids with kids...wild

again, this is my OPINION. i cannot force you to not like...well, the things that you like... but i can definitely call you out if you're sharing that to kids, even if its indirectly and that you put warnings or whatever. you need to be cautious about the members of the fandom. if you're unhappy about this, then leave the space that isnt for you.

as i said, this happens in many fandoms filled with minors: bunch of adults are weird. they're being called out for being weird. they cry about it and create a group. they call people who call them weird, weird. its really common. thats why the center of the drama isnt new or interesting to me. thats why i dont write essays whenever it is brought up in the main server, or when nsfw fics were posted there. creeps exist in EVERY FANDOMS. do i still think its good to call them out ? totally. but that explain why i:

1. didn't really say anything when jay were posting their fics. since they agreed with us on the topic of kaeloo fics with nsfw but still were posting them, i figured out that there was not point in arguing. i just ignored the weird parts of the stories or simply didnt read anything. i dont like conflicts, and had a lot going on (still do), so i didnt speak about it before. thats my bad though: even if jay wouldnt have cared because they have a different opinion than me about aging up characters apparently, i shouldve said something whenever i had the chance and not only when the subject of fics with porn was brought up, and i take full responsibility. but you must know that i do not support those type of works and never have said that i do. whenever we spoke about it, i made it very clear that it was gross and that i dont agree with it at all. to tlak about jay's fics again, i mostly was enthusiastic about all the parts where sex wasnt involved (about the ss of me talking about jays fic about pregnancy, i loved seeing how mr cat and kae would act as soon-to-be parents ! i think its cute !! do not mean that i agree with writing full scenes about how that child is made).

jay has great ideas, thats why i liked their work so much. i will never pretend that i hate EVERYTHING that they do. theyve wrote and drew great stuff, and just because i dont agree with them as a person doesnt mean that ill ignore that or the compliments that ive given to them. i admire a lot of their work and didnt lie about any nice things ive said to them. this is not all white or all black.

2. didnt write really big responses in the STM. this is a server about kaeloo. the drama isnt really brought up there, except when its important or at the start of it. with college, job, family issues and the start of adulthood soon, i do not have time to be on discord in the first place. either im here for a brief moment, or i can be active when everyone is asleep so they already said everything i had in mind and all i can say is "yes" to messages i agree with and "no" to messages i dont. you do not know me, and if you genuinely believe that this is all i think about what is happening, then you're just extremely stupid...obv i wont talk about everything i think in details in the STM, or rub it in your face.

the only reason why im involved is because you're harassing my friend and i do not want her to suffer alone. its as simple as that. i will always support my friends in public, and correct them in private if i think they did something wrong. is random perfect ? do i think that she does no wrong ? ofc not. i'll always tell her if i think that she's not doing something right, the only difference is that i'll tell her in private, not in a discord server. how do you except anyone to listen to you if you already don't respect them enough to confront them privately and privately only ?

i think ive spoken for my part and i will not speak for any other people involved in this ridiculous drama. i think this is all really a personal issue with random (and also khamil apparently) and i do not believe that it's my place to speak for any of them. as i think your friend said, which i think is true, im not relevant in this drama, and again im just really here to support random but also to express myself when i think that its a general matter.

so ill conclude this by saying that this is a really disappointing document. posting the insults that have been told to my friend, for no reasons other than hurting her, giving her a few really serious and uncalled for diagnosis, posting her vents from when she was a teen to make her feel vulnerable, posting hateful and ableist comments about her publicly, posting comments of people insulting vulnerable members who need to vent and more...that is so, so petty.

jay, i didnt know you for long and we weren't super close, but i still liked you a lot (/p ofc). i know you'd love to think that you're the victim and that we are all just shit talkers who hated you or whatever, but that is not the case. reading the messages of the drama after the drama has been shocking. reading your tumblr posts, reading what your friends said to my friend, reading your document, all of that have been so disappointing. not here to play violins and act dramatic btw, this is just a fact i wanted to share.

theres a lot of things unsaid, but i think that it's really random's place to speak about it, not me or anyone else. id like to respect her opinion in all of this, so ive only really spoken about what i generally think :] !! that being said, i wont post this seriously about whats going on anymore except if i need to, thats why im blocking a few people too. i want to enjoy my post without child porn being rubbed in my face. i really feel like all this other part of the fandom wants is attention, so i wont focus my whole tumblr on them lol, but calling them out is still important to me. i dont except them to change their ways since they look so sure of themselves, but anyone can dream, right ? sorry about how disorganised it is, or if my english is bad and also for my spelling mistakes lmao 🤸🤸 ty for reading this far though !! please check out random's response when it comes out !!

[menalez]

"^_^ but thank u for taking the time to use that to actually defend actual lesbophobia that was expressed'

first of all I'm literally not defending it I agree she's lesbophobic and I've never liked ms-revived-frogs tbh she says so much shit off the cuff and then completely doubles down unreasonably. she's just a contrarian that think she's the only one that really understands anything. maybe a symptom of her age but im still not gonna give her a pass or then she'll just continue to b like that.

second of all I literally wasn't the anon that sent any of those original asks but I did know wtf they are talking about w piqued. idk about the rest im only talking about the piqued thing. i just think its crazy how radblr can correctly recognize those comparisons are lesbophobic and wrong, but when people call us dick worshipers or spread essays on how we're identical to men, suddenly thats no biggie and the only evil is that the bihets think they have the right to complain. piqued was the least bad person to reblog that shit essay bcoz she at least partly acknowledged some bits were bad, but she still thinks that the "bad" parts like comparing our sexual assaults to TIM completely fake murder stats or saying we're dick worshipers or the premise of the essay on how we're identical to men are completely acceptable to pass around even if their 'bad' if she decides she thinks its worth it, and us rape victims are pathetic if we take offense at her choice. and thats the thing even when u all say that harassment or abuse against bi women is "bad", a lot of ppl on here just treat it as like a fart in the room at most nothing real and nothing realated to real pain or oppression just annoying whining. ppl oppose it in theory but in practice they completely let ppl like that off the hook and show way more anger at any bisexuals that bring up the topic of how ppl harass us treating us like we're complaining over nothing. no ones gonna call desisapphic, ornitomoltorinco, like-a-ruby, eliminatedmighty, angrylesbianatwork, and dozens others that passed that shit around homophobes for making light of our rape and using it as a gotcha or misogynists for how they call us dick worshippers. no one's ever gonna spare any anger for them even if they mildly criticize, it all goes only into insisting that bi "male worshipers" exagerate everything and can be believed. And I'm not talking about you but rad spaces as a whole. I actually don't think ur that bad about bi women at all, u at least call bullshit bullshit when its direct, but you seem completely unable to call out sussy shit thats in between the lines, and the thing is i know u can coz ur smart and you do it all the time with other shit. but unfort a lot of people are alot shittier about bi women than u, i don't get why you have to pretend theyre not and bis are just making everything up.

“i just think its crazy how radblr can correctly recognize those comparisons are lesbophobic and wrong”

the idea that radblr is collectively recognising this as lesbophobic & wrong is laughable to me. i’m seeing more ppl outright justifying her lesbophobia n demonising me for criticising it than i am seeing ppl saying it was lesbophobic. and of the ppl calling it lesbophobic, almost every single one is a lesbian.

ur paragraph about piqued is.. literally nothing she even said. “TIM completely fake murder stats” is bizarre to say bc like.

the rate of transwomen of colour being murdered isn’t a myth. the myth is acting like trans women are the most vulnerable group, which overall they are not. however black or latam trans women are absolutely at high risk of being murdered:

and almost everything u took issue with is stuff she mentioned as an issue as well:

like idk i find it absolutely insane that of all the ppl u could have gone after, u specifically chose the lesbian who agreed with ur takes here and chose to demonise her. there’s also the fact that youre expecting *others* to go after what *you* find problematic *on your behalf* instead of just.. doing it urself? i mean none of u did shit when tagai/tonguehurt was harassing me and even happily grouped us together and acted like we were besties when she left. none of u cared when that general circle was being awful to me. and most of u directed not even 1/20th of the attacks directed at me towards the ppl u named above. and then on top of that ur like “hey why don’t u go after these ppl i disagree with harder? even tho we won’t call out the lesbophobia within our circles or call the ppl we disagree with out ourselves or anything else” .. just bizarre frankly

also i actually had no issue with ms-revived-frogs before ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i disagreed with some things but the lesbians are unempathetic stuff she said was shocking to me bc i didn’t expect it from her. her inability to take any accountability and readiness to demonise me despite me giving her the benefit of the doubt n simply politely explaining how she was lesbophobic was also shocking to me considering she made it seem like she was an ally to lesbians. so how u felt about her prior to that doesn’t matter to me tbh, no one needs to dislike or hate her or anyone else. but that lesbophobia should be criticised

btw never heard of eliminatedmighty, i did criticise angrylesbianatwork but she’s inactive now anyways, don’t know what ornito did, and at most i disagree with like-a-ruby and desisapphic on some things but i’ve seen ppl go after those two and literally no one else you’ve mentioned which.. again i do find it interesting that the women who say they want front row seats to see a woman being abused by her bf/husband and called women misogynistic terms such as bulldyke-rider or others in her direct circle aren’t ppl that y’all go after nearly as much as ppl like desisapphic

[keefwho]

July 03 - 2023 Monday

7:13 AM

I HATE talking to myself on here so much, it feels lonely. Thats my whole deal. I don’t want to feel lonely. I’m getting so hung up on 1 person right now because I feel like they are my only friend and without them, I will be totally alone. Combine that with feeling like I will inevitably lose them and this is the crisis I’m in. I don’t want to be stuck with literally nobody, it’s terrifying. I feel like I’m meant to accept that though before I can move on and make other friends. How do I carry that fear with me without it twisting everything? It is what sabotages me. It makes my relationships suffer because I can’t accept them for as stable as they really are. I become obsessed and overdependent because I’m so afraid they are slipping away and I’ll be left alone. Even though I know if I could just chill and realize everything was okay, then everything would actually be okay. But I can’t just pretend I don’t feel this way. 

On top of that, how can I make new friends? I need other support structures. But I see myself in such a pathetic light that I can’t imagine new friendships. I can’t imagine connecting with anyone. Even now I’m evidence seeking to prove how unworthy I am of anybody. 

I have to pick myself up and be productive again today but I feel like I’m going to collapse. I don’t want to do this. I still want to give up. I don’t see a point in anything when I believe I’m alone. I’m afraid this feeling is going to be the death of me. 

I guess I have no choice but to accept these feelings and carry on anyways. Nothing will get better if I don’t do anything unfortunately. It feels like I have to muster every ounce of energy I have to do anything. 

The fact is I am alone in these problems. I’d like to believe otherwise but I don’t. 

7:52 AM

I’m furious, I know what I have to lose and yet I still find it difficult to fight back. I don’t want to lose anything. All I have to do is what I know I have to do. I have to practice healthy behavior to slowly push myself in the right direction. I have to monitor myself for patterns so I can know what to change. I have to be brave and accept things that might be hard to accept. No I do not feel confident in any of this but I know it has to happen if I want to keep myself from slipping.

I want to use my negative feelings as fuel to do some of the things I need to do. I want to complete every ACT exercise in order, 1 per day from the archive that I found. In order simply because I have no better direction and they all seem decent at addressing topics I struggle with. I will pose these to Tumblr privately though as some of them might get too involved and personal. Or rather, I will only do that for ones that do get too personal. 

8:30 AM

Heres one to get me talking to myself. (Not that I need any more of that right now.)

Work/Education: I value being an improving artist and diligently earning money with commissions. I also have projects I want to do like create VRchat world/avatars and art of public characters to help grow my brand. I’m definitely succeeding most in this area because of how much better I’ve gotten at following my schedule and buckling down when I need to. I also have successfully earned extra money with YCHs the past 3 months which was the goal. I still don’t follow my schedule perfectly though and I know I can still slack sometimes. But I have improved tremendously from before.

Relationships: I know I’m struggling a lot here. I don’t have as many friends as I want. I don’t treat my current friends with the respect and attention I’d like. I feel prone to letting my most important connections slip away because of my own mental shortcomings. I want to feel closer to people in general and give my entire trust to someone. I want to be able to be more vulnerable and more accepting of other’s vulnerability. 

Personal Growth: I’m kinda mid here because I am focusing heavily on my personal development but have struggling to put in the kind of effort I’d like. I have a lot of work to do still. I’d say my physical health has improved with how I try to maintain my diet even if it’s not perfect. I’ve definitely reduced the amount of physical tummy problems I have by being more vigilant with what I eat. I also watch my weight well to make sure I’m not going too far up or down. 

Leisure: I do poorly with leisure because I struggle to sit down and allow myself to enjoy anything. I’m always thinking about how I could be productive for myself or others and usually don’t give myself the break I need until I metaphorically collapse. I know it makes me suffer overall, I need time to recharge and also to learn via playing. 

7:24 PM

I’ve been fighting so hard, I’m exhausted. Maybe I just need a little break to gather myself. It can be hard to take a break because I feel like that means I’m abandoning myself. But maybe I just need to let this pass for a little bit. 

I do wish I had just known that I was going to have my time instead of acting out to get it. I self sabotaged in a nasty way this weekend and I want to be able to catch it better in the future. 

Maaaaaan true

I think it’s okay to feel like I will never improve. It’s just a feeling, I know reality. I just have to keep trying. 

8:58 PM

I found another book based on ACT therapy, The Happiness Trap. I think I’ll try to read 1 chapter a day every morning and see where it goes. 

9:52 PM

I think I have to acknowledge that some people don’t quite fit my vibe. I keep trying to give new friends chances because I got over the first social hump with them but many of them end up not being people I want to spend a lot of time with. But I keep trying because of how hard it is to find others. I know my energy would be better spent looking for new social opportunities. 

[lovesanmotion]

Light - Jeong Yunho

summary: cool uncle by day but mafia boss at night, jeong yunho is ready for anything; except for falling in love.

tags: @couchpotatoaniki (yes i am tagging you bcs you blossomed this idea to me hihi)

A deep sigh left Yunho's lips, lighting up his cigarette and sticking it between his lips before releasing pearly white smoke. His once neat suit was now covered in sweat, dust and a trickle of blood from earlier events, singlehandedly killing a mafia group from the neighboring city. He lifted his wrist watch and checked the time - 10:01pm. Sandwiched between his middle and index finger, Yunho raises his cigearette stick onto his lips and puffed out a smoke.

His once cool composure broke when around the corner, the slim but curvy figure of his neighbor - y/n y/l/n came into view. She had her head hung low, shoulders drooping down and walking gloomily home. But Yunho stared at her. Around y/n, he felt like a high school boy who has a crush on her. He didn't also missed the fact that it was too late for y/n to go home. Work hours ends at 5-6pm, but 10? Yunho wondered if you took an overtime.

As y/n passed him by, he couldn't help but smile to himself. Feeling his face heating up. Getting up from the bench, he dropped his stick and stepped on it before following you home. With his hands tucked inside his pockets, Yunho wondered why you ever chose to live in a dangerous city like this. Was it because the rent's cheaper? Or to live close to your office?

He stopped his tracks and hid behind a pole, watching you get inside your home building safely. Watching you get home safely is what Yunho's been doing ever since you moved into the area and with a smile on his face, Yunho walks back home.

As the sun sets into the blue sky, Yunho packs up a lot of candies in his pocket before leaving his home and strolling to the neighborhood park. Clad in a bright red and white striped shirt and pants a bright smile on his face, Yunho would never be mistaken as someone who killed a group of guys last night. The cool breeze swept past him, causing his bangs to fly away.

As he found the children playing merrily and happily in the park, his heart swelled with an overwhelming feeling. How he wished these children would grow up into kind and humble adults. When the children saw him coming up to them, a chorus of "uncle Yunho!" greeted him, followed by all of them running up to him for a hug, some even hugging his legs.

Sitting down on the wooden bench, he gave each child a piece of candy and chocolate. Their little smiles upon tasting the fruity and sweet treats brought a smile on his lips too. However, Yunho mentally did a head count on the children.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. One was missing, and the one missing happened to be his favorite. He was about to open his mouth and ask them where y/s/n when a small but cheerful "uncle Yunho!" greeted him from behind. Turning around, his eye's widened.

His neighborhood crush, holding an ice cream cone with one hand and the other holding hands with his favorite child from the playground.

"Mommy this is uncle Yunho! He's the one who always watches us and gives us candy when we play here!" A deep shade of red plastered on Yunho's cheeks. Slowly he turned away and sunk a bit lower on his seat, feeling himself getting shy. But he was a little surprised to know that y/n has a son.

Yunho watched as y/s/n joined the other kids in the slide and on his left side became occupied by you.

"Doesn't it get a little sad when you watch them slowly grow up? One day they are only crying for attention and the next thing you know you walk with them to preschool." Y/N spoke, taking a lick on the vanilla cone.

"Do you have kids at home?" Yunho shook his head. But he would very much like to have one with y/n.

"I'm y/n by the way!" He looked at the hand extended out for him to shake before looking at your smile. Yunho's heart beated loudly inside his chest, not missing the sight of the ice cream on the corner of your lip. He slowly leaned in and raised his hand, wiping the cream away with his thumb.

"Nice to meet you, y/n. I'm Yunho." He smiled at you, seeing that pink tint across your cheeks. Yunho thanked the gods that this might be the chance for him to properly talk to y/n. He turned to his side and striked up a conversation with you, slightly getting distracted with the way how you lick your ice cream.

"Uh..hello? Earth to Yunho?" Yunho snapped out of his trance and shook his head, batting his eyelashes. Yunho stared at you. "What was that again?"

"I was asking you earlier if you wanted to have lunch with me and y/s/n. Think of it as a thank you for watching over my son." Turning his head, he saw the children leave one by one until it was your son left sitting in the swing.

"I-I would love to!" He blurted out, maybe a little too loud. Yunho suddenly backed away, suddenly feeling shy but he only found y/n chuckling at him.

"That was cute. Anyways, let's me show you where I live." As Y/N got up, so did he. He took the pleasure of carrying y/s/n in his arms as he followed you to your place, he had to pretend he didn't know where you lived. How was he going to explain that he has been following you for months already?

"Welcome to our place!" Spoke Y/N in a cheerful tone. The place didn't look half bad. As he sets y/s/n down and removes his shoes by the doorway, he took in the appearance of your place. It isn't big nor small, perfect for two people living, light wooden floors, cream colored walls, yellow and green cupboards and a mini bookshelf thats occupied by books about numbers, letters, alphabets and story books.

"This is a nice place you've got" Yunho says, sitting down on the couch only to be sunk lower as he didn't noticed how the couch was small.

"I guess I was lucky to find this one. More greenery in the province than just seeing buildings in the city." Y/N spoke, Yunho watched her enter the kitchen. He got up and excitedly followed her like a high school boy following his crush around school.

"What are you going to make there?" He asks as he stood behind Y/N making her jump a little. Yunho didn't realized how close he has gotten to her, but he felt like his heart would burst at how small she is close to him.

"Does pasta sound nice?" Y/N tilted her head to the side. If only his mornings were spent this close to y/n, Yunho would be in heaven already.

As Yunho was about to say something, in came little y/s/n holding his school bag.

"Mommy, can you help me with my homework?"

Two heads snapped to look at y/s/n who stood by the doorway of the kitchen.

"Your mom would love to!" Yunho smiled at y/s/n, held y/n by her shoulders and pushed her out of the kitchen despite her many protests against it. Yunho opened the fridge to check what ingredients were available, he grabbed whatever he needed and placed them on the counter and started cooking.

It was only like last night, he was using the very same knife to slice throats and now he's slicing meat with the same knife. But Yunho was only occupied by the merry thought of cooking for his crush.

After half an hour passed, Yunho beautifully plated three pasta bowls on the table. He gave himself a pat in the back for doing an excellent job and was about to call y/n and y/s/n to eat when he heard some talking.

"Mommy do you like uncle Yunho?" A small voice, y/s/n, as Yunho thought. His heart raced upon hearing this kind of conversation. There was a moment of silence, Yunho was fidgeting to know your answer.

"Mommy can uncle Yunho be my dad?" Yunho clutched his chest dramatically, pretending to wipe a tear from his eye. But there it was again, that silence.

"Let's see, y/s/n. Want to see uncle Yunho if he's done?"

Yunho started to get up from his spot but hit his knee in the process, an inaudible sound came out of his mouth and suddenly the door swung open. Y/N and Y/S/N stared at him with a blank yet confused looks on their faces.

"Uh..lunch is ready!" Yunho smiled and instantly stood up from the ground. As he lead them to the kitchen, he was proud to see their expressions and sat down, paying attention to y/n's reaction before eating.

"So what do you do, Yunho?" Y/N asked while twirling pasta with her fork.

Yunho racked up his brain to think of what should he say. But he choked up in between.

"I'm unemployed at the moment" He says. There was no way he is ever going to tell that he kills people, raids warehouses and factories and regulates drug deals within in and out of the country. "What about you? What do you do for a living?" Yunho gulped the food down his throat before facing you.

"I, uh...I just work at, at a very boring corporate office. They don't pay much."

"Is that why you do overtime and get home late at night?"

"What?"

"What?"

Yunho stared at y/n wide eyed. That was wrong of him suddenly mentioning it to you. He shook his head and carried on the conversation by changing the topic.

For the whole afternoon, Yunho stayed with Y/N and Y/S/N, watching kids movies while having a snack. Y/S/N falling asleep in the middle of the movie. Yunho took the pleasure of letting y/s/n sleep on his chest, he could get used to being a househusband. With the sun setting, Yunho thought it was best for him to go home. But was stopped by y/n to join them for dinner. On the outside, Yunho thanked you. But on the inside, Yunho was giggling.

He cooked once more in the kitchen, clogging out y/n's protests. Dinner became a happy meal as all three of them became full. While y/n was cleaning up in the kitchen, Yunho asked permission if he could take y/s/n out for a walk, promising he'd be home by 8pm.

Yunho took y/s/n to the convenient store, handing him a whole bar of chocolate in his small hands. But the little boy stared at him.

"But mommy says I can't have too much sweets" the small boy pouted.

"But your mom isn't here right? This'll be our little secret. You and me." Yunho grinned at the small boy who flashed a toothy smile in front of him.

"Uncle Yunho do you like my mommy?"

"Very much." Yunho suddenly stopped as he looked back at the child with him, now grinning at him.

"Okay, that's another secret between us. Don't tell your mommy about that too okay?" The small boy nodded his head quickly, Yunho held his hand and walked back home with him. Unaware of two eyes following them as they head back.

(gif is not mine! credits to the rightful owner!)

[babymilkawa]

Can you do the haikyuu captions with an S/o who is in their first year (fluffy)

yayy finally have a reason to write for kuroo and bokuto

first year s/o headcanons with:

oikawa tooru, sawamura daichi, kuroo tetsuro, bokuto kotaro

gn!reader :)

oikawa tooru

at first, you were a little hesitant on letting your relationship out

because some of his fans could be second or third years yk, we don’t want no bullies bullies b gone whoosh

but he is almost always by your side and has even acted annoyed to his fans if they were ever mean to you

having a third year as your bf means that you can get homework help whenever you want

and all your teachers love him

so they don’t mind if he hangs out in the classroom sometimes, as long as he doesn’t distract you

he’ll gush about how you and your little friends are so cute

pull that old man shit and be like “I remember those days, we were young and free~”

dramatic king

whenever you go to one of his games, you’ll always try to cheer louder for him compared to his other fans and he’s got like this big surge of pride

but afterwards he’ll be like “don’t lose your voice honey”

will want you to be the team’s new manager soooo bad

like will beg you on his knees because if you accept the current manager’s offer, you can see your bf even more and he can impress you 

the manager totally doesn't use that to try to convince you

oikawa really just loves how the slight age gap means he has more the reason to take care of you

your first time during a class sports event? he’s right by your side, making sure you don’t feel awkward or lost

yes he’s that type of person who looooves it when you ask questions and he can show off his smexy brain

a lot of times Iwaizumi will hit him in the back of the head if he’s talking with you too much and he’ll just sulk and slump his head on your shoulder 

sawamura daichi

he’ll always bop his head into ur class

he’s obviously also a teacher’s favorite have u met this guy 

oh wait no u haven’t, rip sucks to be u *sobs*

so the teachers don't mind

ur teachers prolly even gush about him with you, yk like those teachers who lOVE drama/gossip yea them

Nishinoya and tanaka always try to get ur attention bc your Daichi’s s/o and every time, Daichi will yell at them, telling them to not scare you off

but they still do it

tis a cycle

plays 128489x better when you’re around

wait gotta round that so 130000x

we know he’s very encouraging to his teammates but with you around? he’s like Yamaguchi’s personal cheering squad

will go to your house in the mornings, walk you to class, wait there at lunch, walk you home, ugh this man can’t get enough of u

he loves it when you lean against him when u guys walk together, he’ll wrap a secure arm around you and you nuzzle in his neck SHDFKJHDKS

u always help them shag the balls and he’s like “no, no, y/n let tanaka and Nishinoya do it” and those two are giving you puppy eyes

cue Daichi chasing them down

if tanaka and noya are puppies, he’s your bulldog

omg random but y'all know that one parks and rec episode where they’re picking people’s spirit dog? yea Daichi is like a bulldog

but once he turns to you it’s all 🌈🌟💫💝

but he’s genuine

no fakes we don’t want them

if you read my sick s/o hcs you’ll know how much of a “handsome boy” to elderly people he is 

hehe sry for the self promo

kuroo tetsuro

u already know what ur dates are gonna be like

he’s gonna smexy study with you *bites lip*

yea that’s right Kuroo just leave ur brain and go

this man,,,again I know,,,is adored by your teachers

“Kuroo you’ve still got that same hair!”

yea he’s def like a teacher assistant or smn during his free period

he’ll pick ur class and just wiggles his eyebrows whenever y'all make eye contact

when you’re done with a presentation, he’ll be the first and loudest when clapping

alwaysss is there when you need a pencil or an eraser

this man will literally prepare protein bars for you the morning u have a test, will give you a pep talk, y'all like huddle outside the classroom or something LMAO that’s cute tho

“you’re gonna go in there and you’re gonna kick that test in the ass ok?”

gives you a dad pat, a kiss to ur head and gives you two thumbs up when you glance at him at your desk

p sure everyone in your class wants him to hold a study session

but no ladies & gentlemen, he’s reserved for y/n and y/n only good day ☺️

its kinda impossible for u to fail

to thank his brain, you always show up to his practices and games

you give the team their water, towels, etc and he’s just yea that’s right they’re my s/o

now shower them with praise *holds them at gunpoint*

his schedule is busier than yours and he always feels bad abt it

which is why he’s soooo clingy if y'all sleepover or after hw

it’s hard for him to resist u cuddles during hw tho

OMIGOD WATCH THIS VID 

bokuto kotaro

ok at this point we know that all our captains are angels so

*deep inhale*

he’s a teachers favorite

there I said it sue me

so yes he WILL hang around your classroom and talk to the teachers

p sure he does that with akaashi buttt 👀

and if u can’t come out during break he’ll just mope by the doorway while akaashi nom noms on his snacc boccuto

he won’t rly help u with hw, he’ll try but go off topic and whoops why did a pillow hit my face

yea y’all don’t get much studying done so hopefully ur smart

ACTUALYYYYY you just call akaashi

DuH

bokuto will litrally be like “ur bad at math? Babe just jump in the pool with me rn with ur clothes on, take a shower and then we’ll call akaashi!!”

it was 1 am 💀

he’s a good distraction whenever you’re stressed out

literally sunshine in human form

if ur there during his practices and matches he almost NEVERS goes into Emo mode bc gotta impress my s/o

ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ!!

will randomly call out to you when he’s on the court

“HEY Y/N HI HELLO”

“this ones for you” *hits it into the net*

every time he gets a good play he’ll immediately look into the crowd and ur there jumping for him and he’s jumping back and awww

some ppl r wondering if he’s even older than u like y’all look abt the same age 🤔

he’s just 🍗🍗🍖🍖🍑🍑

if ur not there during practice he’ll definitely just slouch and swing his arms around “where’s y/nnnn”

someone lift his face up and kiss him on the nose

THATS U Y/N GET UR MAN

but he knows he can’t act like that during games

he’ll just have to suck it up

and pretend like ur there, pretend that ur voice is there

literally he can only pick out your cheers from a whole stadium of people

but obv u get the best seats ;)

a/n: aaah this was fun to write ^3^

haikyu!! masterlist

[ofcowardiceandkings]

I think you mentioned listening to podcasts? Do you have any favorites to reccommend? I've run out of content :(

that i do !

im not entirely sure what kind of podcast you'd be interested in but i'll throw out a few of the goodies in my huge library of stuff , i'll miss out a few of the HUGE podcasts that have been all over tumblr though

a LOT of it is true crime or human interest stuff , or history because im nerd ,, and a few of these dont have nearly enough attention so [shrug] i'll try to keep this short i guess lol this isnt EVERYTHING ive got in my library or listened series' by any measure

i AM gonna pop a shout to both Stuff You Missed in History Class and Stuff You Should Know from iHeartRadio because their HUGE archives have kept me from losing my mind many times over , and they cover a wide range of both important and wacky topics

BomBARDed (ongoing) this is the only fiction podcast i have happening right now really but its DAMN GOOD ONE .... it's an actual-play D&D 5E podcast in the DMs own musically-inspired world, focussed on a group of multiclass bards going to music school !! and all players (+DM) are members of the Texas band Lindby !! and they actually use and play music in the show with one original song an episode !! Kyle's worldbuilding and storycraft are truly incredible, and (Nick) Goodrich, (also Nick) Spurrier, and Ali's characters are in depth and interesting as well as an absolute powerhouse :') i actually made a piece for its first fanzine, Bardic Dreaming, which published earlier this year and is free to view now, all the players and the community are super wholesome its just very good overall 💙

History & Humans;

Fall of Civilisations (ongoing) legit one of my favourite podcast finds, im so glad my youtube autoplayed one of these ... it took me like 2 hours to realise it was 1) not the same as what was playing before and 2) had been on for 2 hours and wasnt near finished lmao. anyway, this is a series by historical fiction writer Paul Cooper, and is honest to all thats good one of the best documentary series ive encountered in years - and ive consumed a LOT of documentaries. it covered the downfall of various civilisations through history, and the episodes run from an hour to FOUR hours depending on the topic. its so chill to listen to and just get done, but over the pandemic all of the episodes have been given full movie-quality video versions too on youtube if youre more of a visual person.

Casting Lots: A Survival Cannibalism Podcast (on series break) yeah that says that lol ... its a SUPER niche topic but its very interesting and treated very well despite being kind of comical at times, the hosts are just naturally funny lol ... it delves around from the history of cannibalism in whole regions to specific incidents as recently as the 1970s, and of course the first episode is about the Donner Party, and it covers things ive never heard of despite being kind of important ?? anyway Alix and Carmella are good eggs

Sawbones (ongoing) i probably dont need to mention much here other than say that Justin and Sydnee saved me from being SO BORED sooo often, the history of medicine is wacky as hell and its what most of my history GCSE was on so [shrugs]

Cautionary Tales (on series break) this was a wild-card find lol ... it's by Tim Harford "the undercover economist" who writes for the Financial Times, and its topics kind of weave modern topics and science with how to learn from historical errors ... its a bit weird but well worth a go, also each series has a few celebrity guest voice actors which is pretty awesome

Ephemeral (ongoing) this is a very strange but thought provoking series about sounds and other things just barely saved. topics include the last castrato, the hello girls, hand-stamped records, the spread of kīkā kila music, and acoustic fossils of wild places.

Neat! The Boozecast (ongoing) history and bartending whats not to like lol ... hosted by Teylor Smirl and now their dad Tommy, they're just digging around in how important booze is to human culture

True Crime (white collar and weirdness);

Swindled (ongoing) this is an amazing show full stop. A Concerned Citizen details some of the most impactful and unruly things to happen in white collar and corporate crime. very factually accurate but given the sheer bullshit of the topics the deadpan snarking is [chefs kiss] absolutely warranted ..

American Scandal (on series break) this one is a series within a series type, and spends a few episodes at a time poking holes in some of America's biggest scandals, from a dramatised but fact-based point of view. such as what the hell was going on with Enron, how big tobacco was forced to own up to covering its own ass, how Iran-Contra happened, etc. it also now has a sister show called British Scandal, which does the same thing for British cases but with a slightly different format.

Missing in Alaska (finished) this was a fascinating series, a deep dive into what happened to two US government officials who disappeared on a small chartered flight in Alaska in 1972. it goes some really strange places, but it actually turned up a lot of previously unknown information through the audience. John Walczak's new series in a new feed is Missing on 9/11 which looks into what happened to Dr Sneha Philip.

Pretend (ongoing) Host Javier Leiva holds interviews with anyone living a lie, or who have been touched by them. con artists, snake oil salesmen, former cult members, catfishing victims, anyone and everyone.

Power: The Maxwells (finished) hosted by journalist Tara Palmeri, the story of media tycoon Robert Maxwell from nothing to empire to mysterious death and the scandals uncovered after he was gone.

Lets Talk About Sects (ongoing) Sarah Steele covering cults from around the world, in particular those in Australia - where she is from. She often has former members on the show to share their stories, and share knowledge of how they left. each story has the relevant content warnings at the start of each episode.

Brainwashed (finished) investigation of the CIA's covert mind control experiments, centred on the experiments performed at a hospital in Montreal, and its cultural impact.

Dr Death (2 series finished) two series investigating huge cases of fraud and medical malpractice, and how they were brought to a stop. series 1 covers Dr Duntsch and his horribly butchered neurosurgery, series 2 covers Dr Fata and his fraudulent cancer clinic

The Immaculate Deception (finished) untangling the weird and disturbing fertility fraud of Dr Jan Karbaat, who fathered children himself through his fertility clinic, and the impact of his deception. later episodes also touch on other similar cases.

True Crime (Violent/General);

The Casual Criminalist (ongoing) Simon Whistler of-the-many-youtube-channels cold reads a script about the case of the day, with some of his daft commentary thrown in.

Southern Fried True Crime (ongoing) Crimes from the American South hosted by Erica Kelley, she puts all the facts out there but refreshingly for true crime she doesnt hesitate to tell you if she thinks someone is human garbage lol

They Walk Among Us (ongoing) probably one of the most popular UK crime podcasts, very measured and well put together, not weird or annoying about it either.

All Crime No Cattle (ongoing, feed slowed down for now) specifically about crimes from Texas, hosted by Erin and Shay, they're very sensitive hosts and a lot of the cases they cover shed light on why the Texas criminal system is how it is or show an impact at a national level

Canadian True Crime (ongoing) Canadian crime from an Aussie who's lived there for a decade, Kristi is again a sensitive and measured host covering some important topics

True Crime (Violent/Deep Dive);

Hitman (finished) journalist Jasmyn Morris digs around in the sticky tangle around a book published by fringe publisher Paladin Press, and its apparent use as a blueprint in the killing of a mother, her friend and her 8 year old boy for financial gain.

Camp Hell: Anneewakee (ongoing) this series is exploring how a wilderness camp "correctional facility" was endorsed by the Georgia care and juvenile reform system, despite widespread abuses and shady practices the whole time. warning for csa and child cruelty throughout.

True Crime Bullshit (on series break) this one is a huge huge rabbithole but a very interesting one where the host Josh Hallmark has spent years digging into the life and potential crimes of Israel Keyes. Keyes is often mentioned as a serial killer with no pattern, but in picking it apart thats not quite true, and has sparked some re-evaluations of missing persons cases and stumbling upon information the FBI has redacted organically. there's also a series in the middle looking into the crimes of Kelly Cochran

Forgotten: Women of Juárez (finished) this series looks into the huge numbers of missing women of Ciudad Juárez, the strange circumstances surrounding them, and the potential cover-ups and corruptions on both sides of the border, trying to give a voice to all of the forgotten women and girls and their families without answers. the series itself is finished, but a spanish language edition is being released every week now.

aaaaaand i'll call it there before i list everything lol, i hope you find something to plug your boredom hole with !!

[oscar-lettjohanssonloveme]

My Beautiful Girl (Cordelia Goode x plus-size!reader)

request: (by anon) May I request something for plus size reader x Miss Venable or Cordelia Goode? Thank you!

summary: somedays you feel really insecure in your body.

warnings: body insecurities

a/n: just a quick reminder: u are beautiful. uhm don't expect too much, its not that good(e) :’D

google translate :’D

"Honey?"

"Mhh?"

"Why are you wearing a bra?"

That was probably one of the weirdest questions Cordelia had ever asked you.

You turned around in confusion to look into the worried face of your girlfriend, who had climbed into bed and was now leaning over you,

"Why not?" You replied indifferently, even though you knew inwardly why she was confused.

"I uh- you never wear underwear under your pajamas," Cordelia explained as she brushed her own strand of hair from your face. You shrugged your shoulders.

"Lots of women do that," you said curtly, watching Cordelia narrow her eyes.

"Isn't that unhealthy or something like that?"

"Well I don't know," you muttered and looked away from her to stare at your bedside lamp.

"Google it, if you care."

You heard Cordelia sigh before reaching for your chin to force your gaze back to her.

"The only thing I care about is why you wear a bra now, you don't usually do that."

You rolled your eyes in annoyance.

"I can wear whatever I want. It's not a big deal. You- Delia, I'm really tired, okay? And I really don't feel like talking to you about what's under my pajamas."

Cordelia didn't answer and just looked at you for a few seconds. You hated it when she did that. Simply because you could never read that look and you never knew what was going on in her head.

Of course you had a reason you left your bra on, but you never would have wanted to tell Cordelia about it, simply because it was a very sensitive topic ... Self-love was weird. You always found, that you were someone, who had a lot of love to give, but strangely enough, it was never enough for yourself.

Usually you were in tune with your body, you accepted it and sometimes you even found yourself beautiful. But then there were days when all it took was a judgmental look, that suddenly made you feel ugly. You just wanted to be invisible and as small as possible on those days, but unfortunately, that was impossible because everything about you was so big. Your legs, your breasts, your stomach ... just big. Too big for your taste.

Those days you wanted nobody to see you. You couldn't even look at yourself without wanting to cry. Beauty was just a stupid illusion, like normally looking at yourself through a filter and then there were those days when that filter was suddenly gone and you saw reality. It was gross and definitely not a topic you liked to talk about.

And today was one of those days. And you'd just wanted to keep your stupid bra on, because it made you feel safe and you hoped to  hide your body under it. Although the whole thing was ridiculous, Cordelia was your girlfriend and had seen you naked so many times and besides, she was the last person who would judge you, you knew that. Unfortunately, the problem these days wasn't just, that you looked ugly.. Another problem was that Cordelia, the perfect Cordelia, could see you. And those days you just couldn't understand why she was wasting her time on you of all people.

"Of course you can wear whatever you want, I didn't mean to make you feel insecure," she said suddenly and pulled you out of your thoughts about your own ugliness. Your girlfriend leaned over to turn off your bedside lamp before leaning down and pressing her lips against your temple for a moment.

"Good night honey," she muttered.

You felt her lay down behind you before wrapping her arms around your waist. Bad idea.

Immediately you froze in her grip and inadvertently pulled in your stomach. For a few minutes the two of you lay there in silence, not realizing that you had been holding your breath, when Cordelia finally pulled back and switched the light back on.

"Okay, what's wrong?" She asked without sounding reproachful. You turned your head to her and saw, that she had leaned her back against the headboard.

God she was so beautiful it was almost a curse. The blonde angel curls that curled on her white nightgown. Her pure skin and then the brown eyes that glinted down on you with concern.

"Nothing is wrong," you mumbled as you sat up too, leaning against the headboard of the bed like her.

"I can see that something is", Delia replied and you tried to ignore her penetrating gaze by staring down into your lap.

"I am fine."

"You lie."

"I dont lie."

"Y / N, you are lying," Cordelia muttered, shaking her head.

"I thought we'd always be honest with each other."

You felt a little stitch in your chest when you heard her words, because she was right. Usually you always talked to her about the things that bothered you, just as she talked to you.

"I'm okay," you said, looking at her again to smile carefully.

"It's just .. you know, sometimes you have those days when all the disgusting comments, that people have ever made about you and that you have almost repressed crash into your brain and pull you down at the same time, don't you?" you asked and looked at her expectantly.

"I uh- actually not," Cordelia admitted honestly. You looked away from her again and shook your head. Of course she didn't know that. Cordelia looked so perfect and the things people said about you only applied to you, not to her.

"Is it again about that you are not a witch or what-?" Cordelia asked further.

"Jesus, no".

You nervously stared down at your fingers in your lap.

Actually, you would have told Cordelia about it, had you not only been so sensitive about this topic. It wasn't easy to admit how weak you actually felt in your body.

"Cordelia you are the supreme, you know everything anyway," you said desperately.

"That's really cute, honey, but I don't know everything and that's why I want you to talk to me, okay?"

Cordelia grabbed your hand and you just wanted to push it away. As if you with your strange body were worth for her touch.

You raised your eyes again to meet hers, which were filled with love.

Cordelia was your girlfriend and you loved her so much, that it was actually unfair that you were lying to her right now.

"It's my body," you said quietly. Unfortunately a little too quiet, because she couldn't hear you.

"What?", Delia asked confused as she ran her thumbs over the back of your hand. You swallowed and tried to blink away the tears that filled your eyes.

"My body, Cordelia," you said a little louder now.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Oh god".

You wanted to scream out loud, it was frustrating. It was obvious to you and you wondered if she was really that stupid or if she was just pretending to be.

"I just- I hate it, that's it," you finally hissed, lowering your gaze to your hand, which was still in hers. Cordelia's thumb, which had still rubbed the back of your hand lightly, stopped for a moment and you heard Cordelia let out a soft "Oh".

"Why don't you tell me that?" She asked in a low voice and you could hear the sadness in it.

"I don't know, it's complicated", you pinched the bridge of your nose with your free hand.

"It's not always like this, just some days."

"..and today is one of those days ?", added Cordelia and you nodded slowly.

"Oh honey" Cordelia sighed as she leaned forward to pull you into her arms, but you almost automatically jumped off the bed.

"Cordelia I- uhm .." you stuttered and crossed your arms over your chest.

"The problem isn't actually, that I hate myself on those days. You know, I'm always good enough for myself, but .."

You interrupted yourself and looked at Cordelia thoughtfully for a few seconds. It was actually ridiculous. You knew, that Cordelia chose you, even though she could have anyone. That meant that she still had to feel something for you. But for you it was just not understandable, simply because all you felt for yourself was hate. At least on days like this.

"But?" Repeated Cordelia, getting up from the bed to walk over to you, but still with enough distance.

"But you," you mumbled quietly without looking at her.

"You are so- i dont know, beautiful. And I'm so .. so ugly, I guess? You can see that it is kind of weird, right?"

You looked back at your girlfriend, which was a bad idea. Cordelia looked at you so sadly, that you immediately regretted telling her that. Actually, it was a stupid decision. It was much easier to live, when people thought you were happy in your body and now you had openly shown Delia how weak and vulnerable you actually were and that because of something you couldn't change. It was your body, the weird thing that you always had to carry around with you, even though you would like to lock it in your closet.

"You are beautiful, Y / N," Delia suddenly said firmly. But it felt like a lie. If your perception made you feel like you were ugly, then she could only lie.

"Cordelia, thats-" you started in a thick voice, but she interrupted you to repeat her words.

"You're beautiful."

The pain these words caused in you was indescribable.

On the one hand, that was what you wanted to hear. You were an woman, who needed a lot of confirmation. Yet on the other hand, you knew it was a lie. As if Cordelia had sinned when those words left her tongue.

"You .. you don't have to say this to make me feel better," you muttered and Cordelia shook her head.

"I'm not saying this to make you feel better. I'm saying this, because it's the truth. Y / N, you're beautiful and you have no idea how sad it makes me to see, that you can't understand this."

"I don't know," you sighed. "It's actually stupid."

"Oh yeah it's stupid, when you say you are ugly when you are actually so beautiful. You have to believe me, Y / N. I would never lie to you. And besides, if I found you unattractive, we wouldn't be here now."

Cordelia crossed her arms over her chest and looked at you again.

"Maybe you're just doing this out of pity," you said and immediately realized how stupid it all sounded.

"Pity?" Cordelia repeated with raised eyebrows and you just nodded.

The blonde took a step towards you and before you could react, she held your face between her hands.

"You are beautiful, Y / N," she repeated her words for the third time.

"You are so many things, but definitely not ugly. And even if you can't see that, you have to trust me, that I would never lie to you and I think, that you are perfect the way you are, do you understand?"

Your face was only a few inches from hers and you could look straight into her brown eyes. And while you couldn't really believe Cordelia's words, she was right: she definitely wasn't going to lie to you.

"Whenever you have one of those days,, I want you to come to me right away. I want us to work together, to make you feel good in your body and that you don't have to feel like you have to hide from me and therefore keep your bra on at night. You are so beautiful Y / N and you deserve to know, that's why I want you to talk to me about it, no matter how uncomfortable it is for you. I love you so much and I want you to be able to love yourself too. "

Cordelia was still staring at you and you noticed, that she hadn't blinked a single time while she was speaking. As if she knew what magic there was in her beautiful eyes.

"Okay," you finally mumbled and immediately her gaze relaxed.

"Thank you darling".

"You don't have to say thank you," Cordelia said, smiling gently.

"That you are beautiful is a fact and not a decision or an opinion."

"Thank you anyway, your words mean a lot to me."

You leaned over carefully to kiss her gently. Your hands fell on her hips while she still held your face in her hands.

"You are so so beautiful, honey," Cordelia whispered against your lips and repeated her words again as she ran her thumbs over your cheeks.

"Do you feel safe enough to finally take off your bra now?"

You pulled back and looked at her uncertainly for a moment.

"Only if you want and if you are fine with it," Delia added and you nodded slowly.

Cordelia smiled gently.

"Great". she muttered.

"May I-?"

She pointed to the corner of your nightgown and again you nodded slowly before you felt Delia carefully grabbing the hem of your nightgown to pull it over your head.

You could hear Delia throwing the nightgown on the floor next to you. Her cool fingers wandered behind your back to unhook your bra, which also slid to the floor.

"I love every inch of your skin, so please don't hide from me," Cordelia whispered as she put her hands on your hips and started rubbing your skin with her thumb.

"My beautiful girl."

[motscore]

hiya totally not self-projecting here but can you do something with bakugou and a s/o who has a really messed up family and home life? and make it very soft and gentle please. its the kind of home where the mom and dad are married but its a very unhealthy relationship. shouting fights are a regular occurrence, and the parents by themselves are assholes to their kid. just to put my situation in perspective, my father has tried slapping/grabbing my ass ‘playfully’ infinitely more times than he’s ever tried genuinely complementing me. he’s done other stuff, but i don’t feel comfortable sharing that. my mother cares more about image, both hers and mine, over people themselves and screams at me over the most stupid stuff. they’re also both conservative, and i’m lgbt, so that obviously isn’t something i can easily share. i’m sorry if this topic isn’t one you feel comfortable writing about, you don’t have to do this request. i just want some escape right now, and hell, someone or something who can at least pretend that they’ll help me, and validate my struggle. tell me it’s real, that i’m real. even though my dad calls me stupid and an idiot for fighting back against my mom, it’s one of the things that reminds me of my reason for treading the water for so long. it reminds me that i didn’t give up, even after all these years, in a way. i pretend and tip-toe around them so much in order to protect who i am. the fact that i don’t cry about it either, makes it seem like i’m just pretending. like i’m not really in a bad situation, but making it bad in my head when really it’s really not a big deal. i’ve gotten very tired because of all this. can katsuki be there to help me? i’m sorry. this was more vent/rant than request. you don’t have to do this one if you don’t want to.

hi love! im sorry i couldnt get this done sooner ive had a busy weekend :( but im genuinely so sorry and upset that you have to deal with this and if you want to dm me to rant im 100% down to listen! i hope this helps you at least a little bit love <3

you show up to katsuki’s door, and jump into his arms and start crying. he catches you of course, trying not to freak out because he doesnt know why you’re crying. he stood in complete shock before speaking up.

“b-baby? whats wrong are you hurt?”

you sniffled before replying

“i- just-“

you couldnt finish your sentence before breaking down into tears again. at this point, bakugou was feeling a swirl of emotions. concerned, sad, upset. he didnt know what was wrong, but he knew you needed him. he walked you two over to his room and laid down, with your head on his chest and your legs interwined.

he rubbed circles on your back, and whispered reassuring things into your ear, giving you time to calm down enough to where you could talk with him and tell him whats wrong.

you sniffled before speaking. you went on and on about how hard things have been for you, how uncomfortable you feel in your own home, how you can no longer tell if its really “that bad” or if you’re just overreacting because you’ve gotten so used to this. how you’ve grown..numb to it all. you told him everything and he listened very keenly. you could tell he was getting upset too, you could feel his mucles tensing up underneath you.

“i am gonna try to not let my anger show right now because thats not what you need, but dont you fucking dare say you’re over reacting. i know that it’ll be hard to convince you that you’re not, but please trust and listen to me angel. everything you’re going through may seem normal to you now but you don’t deserve to be in a situation like this and it is not normal. you can’t even be who you really are because you’re afraid of what the outcome is. thats not normal baby.”

he took a second to readjust you, so he was sitting up against the head board and you’re straddling his lap, facing him. he wiped the drying tears of your face and laced his fingers with yours before continuing.

“all your feelings towards this are valid, 100% valid. you feeling numb is because you’re used to this routine where.. people constantly invalidate you and your feelings. which means you’re gonna let those feelings build up until one day you wont be able to handle it anymore and thats not healthy, angel. you dont deserve to be in this situation angel and ill do everything i can to get you out of there, okay? you know i would love for you to move in with me so i could just... protect you from it all. but please believe me when i say that you’re not overreacting and that what you feel is real, its all real my love. all of it”

he pulled you in for a tight hug, putting his face in the crook of your neck to inhale your light scent. he began to kiss lightly, from your neck sll the way up to your cheeks to your lips, which made you giggle at the sensation.

he felt himself relax at hearing you laugh, and move back enough so he could see your whole face. even with puffy eyes and dried tears on your face, he thought you were the most ethereal being in the universe. nothing would ever change his mind about his precious angel.

he lifted a hand to caress your face, his thumb rubbing soft circles into your cheek.

“ill protect you baby. i promise no one can hurt you here.”

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Comparing RWBY and YGO DM: The Handling and Evolution of Themes

Hey! Its been a hot minute since I last posted anything RWBY-related but Im laying in my bed right now and Im sick and bored so I guess we're doing this. Today I will do my best to analyze what I percieve to be the main themes and messages of both of these shows, or more specifically, how theyre handled narratively. Im mostly focusing on that part because, while these series do have similar themes and messaging, they are still a few things in which they are wildly different. And with that, lets start with this essay-post-thing!

1. Theres something we need to adress first

Okay so, before we can really talk about this, theres something I feel the need to clarify here: Neither of these stories was "planned from the beginning".

Now, I dont think a story being planned from the beginning or not nesscessarily makes the story any better or worse by default, however, it is still important to acknowledge because the way the story is planned is going to affect every facet of it. Things are not going to be foreshadowed properly, things are gonna be set up only for nothing to come of it, the story might drastically change directions, characters might act differently, etc, etc.

And, this is bit off-topic but, it's much better to just admit that the story was not planned than trying to pretend that it was. Like, there are a lot of reasons why I tend to be so forgiving towards YGO even though its not very good, but one of them is definitely the fact that, as far as Im aware atleast, the guy who wrote it isnt pretending to have had this big master plan all along and neither is the fandom. With RWBY on the other hand... yeaaaah, its kinda the opposite. From what Ive seen of RWBYs fandom, there seems to be this pretty popular narrative that everything was planned even though it clearly wasnt. Thats pretty bad and honestly lowers my opinion of the writers so much more than if they would just admit to not having a proper plan.

Like, I initially consumed YGO like this: Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Monsters, Yu-Gi-Oh (aka Season 0), like, a quarter of the Yu-Gi-Oh manga (I still havent finished it)

In all three of these we have the character of Yami Yuugi, or just Yami. Broadly speaking, he is an ancient egyptian gamer spirit who lives in a magical puzzle that has not been solved for 3000 years until this highschooler named Yuugi Mutou comes along and solves it, thus setting him free and allowing him to possess Yuugi and have access to the vague magical powers of the puzzle.

In Duel Monsters he's perfectly fine most of time, morally speaking. There is an instance of him almost murdering a guy and its a bit unclear what exactly happens to those he mindcrushes but overall he's very much a pretty good guy. In Season 0 most of what he does is set up these games for bad people, where they will go insane no matter what they do. From how I understand this whole Shadow Game, Penalty Game stuff, if you lose a Shadow Game, you get violent and intense hallucinations and you will always cuz yknow, gamer spirit. But if you try to cheat, which most of the bad people do in this show, you get violent and intense hallucinations as a punishment.

Since the two anime are generally considered two different continuities, its perfectly fine that Yamis characterization is wildly different in both of them. But in the manga both of these characterizations appear, basically one after the other with no real arc or consequences, for that matter. Why is that? Simply put, someone thought it was a good idea to try to turn an episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror manga into a more traditional, more plot-driven battle shounen. From what Ive heard, it was apparently largely because of network interference or something, but the point is, it changed directions incredibly drastically with little planning and everyone knows this and I can understand that for the most part.

In RWBY we have the character of Blake Belladonna, who, in the first 3 volumes/seasons atleast, was this aloof, more toned down loner-type character with a pretty strong sense of justice. She's an in-universe marginilized racial minority and she clearly cares about racial injustice. The way its initially framed makes it seem like she had a very hard life and no stable support system, which is what eventually pushed her to join a Civil Rights group/Terrorist organization (good god, the Faunus subplot is so awful, I could write a whole essay about it but Im already de-railing rn so I'll just save that for later).

Then, in volumes 4-5 it turns out her father is actually like, the mayor or chief of this island-place called Menagerie and she grew up in this big mansion with multiple guards/servants. Oh and also, apparently "space is a commodity" on there, so theres that. She still retains large parts of her personality but she's kinda like, worse somehow I think. I cant really describe it in a meaningful way but I hope you get what Im saying anyway. Then in Volume 6 she confronted her emotional abuser Adam (sorry for not mentioning him sooner but yeah, he was like, her abusive boyfriend, which is something that a lot of people disagree with but I wont really say anything about it either way because I dont really feel any specific way) with her friend, Yang, and ended up killing him.

After all that, she pretty much lost the rest of her personality, as well as her arc about all the Faunus stuff. She just kinda became the meek, generically nice, recovering abuse victim. Why? Well, the actual reason is that they didnt plan out shit and are just kinda flying by the seat of their oversized clown-pants and if they and the fandom just admitted it, I would have less of an issue. I still wouldnt be as forgiving towards RWBY as I am towards YGO because the crux of the issue, for me, is just that I dont particulary like RWBY but also like. Do you really expect me to take MKEK seriously as writers after admitting to not have a timeline because iT wOuLd CaUsE pLoThOlEs?

However, since they want us to believe that everything was planned out from the beginning, the explaination would be.... Idk, they deliberately butchered one of their main characters?? Because.. they hate her?? Maybe????

So yeah, that was quite a detour however, I would like you to keep this mind going forward.

2. Themes of the Early Series'

First, what do mean by 'Early Series' for both of these shows respectively? Well, for YGO that would have to be Season 0 or if youre reading the manga, everything pre-Duelist Kingdom. Basically, the part of the series thats a episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror series.

For RWBY that would be the first three Volumes, also known as the Poser-Era. Back then it was just kinda an action series that took place at Anime Warrior Academy (also known as Beacon) with some pretty bare minimum worldbuilding, character-driven plots and developments but now its more of an epic high-fantasy story with more of an emphasis on plot as opposed to just action.

The themes and messages in Early YGO are kinda vague, very confusing to me and if you were to follow any of it literally that would be pretty bad. For now Im just gonna say the main themes are Friendship and Identity and mostly focus on the Identity aspect.

Now, it took me a little while to figure out RWBYs deal but I think the main themes for Volumes 1-3 are also Friendship and Heroism. Once again, I'll mostly focus on Heroism and touch on Friendship more briefly later.

I dont have much more to add to YGOs themes right now, so I'll briefly go over Heroism in RWBY.

In RWBYs setting there are these man-eating monsters called Grimm that have basically infected the planet. In order to deal with that, they have people called huntsmen and huntresses that kill them and protect people. Theyre trained at special academies like Beacon and go on missions there and stuff like that. Our four main characters, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and Yang, are training to become huntresses and one day they go on this mission to clean up a grimm infested city block with one of their teachers. Obviously, that takes a long time so they have to camp out in one of the empty houses. Weiss, Blake and Yang cant sleep because theyve been thinking about this question that their teacher asked them when they were fighting grimm: "Why do you want to become a huntress?"

They have a heart to heart and we find out about their motivations; Weiss wants to bring honour back to her family, Blake want to distance herself from the White Fang (that terrorist organization I mentioned earlier) and as an extension from Adam, Yang wants to have a life of adventure. They also talk about why Ruby wants to be a huntress and it turns out that she judt wants to help people. Unlike the others, she has no motivation besides that. We're meant to listen to that and look at her as a sort-of personification of Heroism: kind, but not naive, strong and most of all, selfless. The others on her team are not portayed as bad for not being like Ruby by any means but we are clearly meant to admire her the most out of all of them.

Okay, now comes the part Ive been looking forward to the most:

3. How did these themes evolve in the Modern Series'?

Alright, before we can really delve into the way they evolved in YGO I'll have to give you a brief summary of the character progression. At the start of DM, during the Duelist Kingdom arc, Yami Yuugi is just that; A darker Yuugi. Hes more confident, bolder, his voice is deeper, hes somehow taller, more ruthless, all that good stuff. Notably, he doesnt actually seem more skilled than Yuugi even at the start of this story, but he's still dependent on Yami. Yami on the other hand, has no identity of his own or even hints at one at this point. He's just The Other Yuugi.

Then during the Battle City arc, they find out that Yami was actually a pharao prior to being sealed in the puzzle, he just didnt know because of amnesia, I guess. So now they need to find out his real name and then send him to the afterlife because hes meant to be dead, but not before saving the world from being swallowed by darkness, which is also a thing they have to do now.

Then we finally get to the Memory World arc, where Yami, Yuugi and the rest of the gang astralproject to ancient egypt via puzzle magic. Yami is trying to figure out what the hell is going on and who all these familiar people are, while Yuugi & Co are trying their best to help him. Then some weird shit happens and it turns out that all of that is not just Yamis sealed away memories, but also a giant D&D Shadow Game that will destroy the world if Yami loses. So now theres Pharao!Yami who is still clueless on the metaphorical and literal playing field and Player!Yami, who is kinda controlling himself now? I guess?? Yamis opponent, The Spirit of The Ring, has something similar to that going on where hes both controlling and properly participating in the game. So Player!Yami is now fighting against Player!TSoTR, Pharao!Yami is now fighting against Thief King Bakura (who is like, the human, ancient egyptian version of the Ring Spirit) and Yuugi is now fighting against Yami Bakura (who is like, the human, modern japanese version of the Ring Spirit). Yuugi gets Yamis real name, he and the gang go over to Pharao!Yami and tell him his name, meanwhile Player!Yami is also somehow helping as well and they defeat the Ring Spirit, thus saving the world. Then they travel to modern Egypt, the Ceremonial Duel happens and Yuugi wins, sending Yami to the Afterlife where he can finally rest and that was the series!

I originally wanted to recount the stuff that was going on with the Ring Spirit and his host as well because they parallel eachother, but this summary is already far too long and I think youll get the point without me needing to explain any more.

My point here is, that the story went from being vaguely about Identity, maybe? to being very clearly about Self-Discovery and Learning to Be Independent. I think this is a very good way to evolve the messaging of your story. How does RWBY track on that?

Well, uh... its not great. I will acknowledge that they have tried to introduce new themes and ideas since, even though I wont really be talking about them in this post. But yeah, the whole Heroism thing really regressed.

Like, I didnt explicitly say it when I was explaining grimm earlier, but theyre not going away. The grimm have always been there and people who sign up to become huntsmen and huntresses are effectively signing up for a job that will never truly be done, no matter what they do. Characters like Ruby and even more minor ones like Phyrrah have shown us that that doesnt matter when youre a hero. No life isnt worth saving, no grimm isnt worth killing, no criminal isnt worth arresting. Then, in volume 6 they find out about Salem. Salem is the Big Bad of the show, shes immortal, controls the grimm and is supposed to be very powerful.

What do our heroes do? They give up. Sike! They were just mindcontrolled by monsters or some shit, of course they didnt give up their mission (which is to bring an Important Macguffin to a city called Atlas, sorry I didnt mention it)!

But then they arrive in Atlas (which is llike, a city thats floating over another city called Mantle) and yknow, they do some plot stuff thats not really important right now until the city gets invaded by Salem and this big grimm army she has.

What do our heroes do? Well, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and some side characters are chilling, drinking tea in a mansion and Yang and the B Team were actually trying to do something, but even those efforts seem incredibly minimal.

Oh wait, I also forgot to mention that Ironwood (a fairly minor, vaguely antagonistic character up until now) wanted to lift Atlas even higher to save Atleasian civilians from danger while leaving Mantle vulnerable to Salems invasion.

What would be the most heroic thing to do?

A) Let Ironwood lift Atlas, get as much support as they can down to Mantle and save as many Mantle civilians as they can from the invasion

B) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas but then split up in order to protect both Atlas and Mantle civilians

C) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas and then dont do anything else

Congrats! If you choose C, you think exactly like the writers!

And I just

This is so mindboggling to me, I feel like I shouldnt even have explain how this is bad. And like, it wouldve been so easy to actually make them seem herokc through their actions, to make it seem like they did try but no.

I have never seen a central theme be this botched, how in the world did they do that? Why did they think it was a good idea for Ruby "The Embodiment of Heroism" Rose to sit in a mansion doing nothing, no planning, no organizing just ..... God, how are they this bad? Like, this doesnt even have anything to do with it being planned in any way, this is just straight up incompetence

4. Very briefly touching on friendship

The friendship is awful and its not solely because they all have the same opinions. They barely interact with eachother outside their designated pairs which leads to it all feeling incredibly hollow. Theyre also practically indistingushable from one another now, which is a shame because it wasnt always like that. Like, I dont think the characters were that well-developed in earlier volumes but they were very well-characterized. But now we've gotten to a point where you can literally copy and paste one characters dialogue onto another and literally nothing changes, it really sucks.

5. Some closing words

Damn, this took way longer than I thought it would and now Im pretty exhausted. I have no idea how yall always write these but props to you! I feel like this ended up a bit rambly but overall, Im pretty proud.

Please let me know what you think of the points I brought up! Id also really appreciate some tips on how to get better at these longer posts because I am planning on writing more in the future (not the near future, probably but yknow).

Thats all I have to say for now, thanks for reading!

[stimuliandthelike]

much ado about nothing (2011)

or i guess in other words, the one with tennant and tate. this is for future reference but also for u @jules1144​. 

a shakespeare play set up like Mamma Mia with a low budget... i am in love

apparently the way to make me fall in love with you is by being beatrice

our first impression of beatrice is witty-wine-aunt and our first impression of benedick is crazy-area-man-makes-dramatic-entrance-in-a-poorly-decorated-golf-cart and i think thats very cash money of them

“my deeeaarrR Lady Disdain... *high pitched voice* are yoU YET LIVING?” he looks so SMUG and she looks so UNBOTHERED this is such a PERFECT PORTRAYAL OF THEIR CHARACTERS

beatrice: i had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he LOoOooOOVes mE

benedick: :DDDDD

(oh u poor unaware souls)

theyre having so much FUN insulting each other i fucking love them so MUCH 7th grade me did not appreciate the absolute GOLD MINE this play was

don john: im not of many words- benedick: and yet he never shuts the fuck up!!!!!!

claudio: no i pray thee speak in sober judgement  benedick: ....why...?

benedick is me everytime one of my friends talk to me about someone theyre falling for. just: “i noTeD HeR nOT BuT i LoOKeD At HEr”. tbt when i thought i was ace

bro... bro let me... get real close to your face bro.... let me be centimeters away from your neck and talk about my evil plans bro... bro... i cannot hide what i am bro... whats that bro?... im gay bro...

BEATRICE IN A SUIT!!!!! BEATRICE IN A SUIT!!! HOLY MOTHER OF GOD BEATRICE IN A SUIT!!!!! look i had so much respect for this woman already but it increases by the second i am in awe. if i had any doubts about being gay before they have been erased. also. the correct way to communicate with your family members is definitely 100% to swing your leg over a chair and rant about marriage and mock love when really you are scared nobody will ever love u. the sunglasses,,,,, the tie,,,, the quality

okay i know the costume design is absolutely fucking brilliant here and that david tennant dressed as a slutty peppa pig is absolutely a Topic of Interest but everytime they insult each other i gain a year in my life. google how do you cope when the love of your life tears you apart with her wit and her ability to destroy people with it. 

also shes dancing AND roasting the fuck out of him. the power she has.

benedick.exe has stopped working

look. LOOK. claudio has no rights. but. BUT. the earrings and the necklace and the shirt are *chefs kiss*. yet another genius move by the costume department.

mr tennant he is moping. mr tennant u r breaking him.

therapy with Dad. 

benedick: beatrice insulted me!!! she called me a JESTER :((( don pedro externally: uhh... what would give her that idea... done pedro internally: beatrice... will she be my wife? if she will not be my wife.. i will set her up with the man she claims to loathe.. ah...yes.. perfect.. i am cupid

also i knew hes a good actor but shit he portrays benedick so well. like. im in awe of ur acting sir. i’ve never laughed so much in my life while also simultaneously feeling so sad

just talking about the woman you definitely arent falling in love with with your dad friend... just talkin about how the woman you are definitely not in love with is so poisonous and horrible.... just talking about how much you despise the woman you are falling in love with...

JUST TALKING ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU DESPISE THE WOMAN YOU ARE FALLING IN LOVE WITH AS THE WOMAN YOU DEFINITELY DESPISE (NOT LOVE!!!!) CATCHES YOU IN THE ACT

side note: he yelp

therapy with Dad part 2

just talking to your dad friend about how you are definitely not in love with aforementioned man who is definitely not in love with you either. beatrice marry me

oh fuck dad friend has asked to marry me. abort abort abort abort abort..eat glass??

the best way to deal with the fact that beatrice wont marry you is to start pairing her up with the man she doesnt know she loves yet. deal with rejection by spreading love!!!! what a dude

oh how ~dramatic~ i wonder what will happen-

I DEFINITELY DIDN’T WONDER THIS WILL HAPPEN

the Vibes. the absolute vibes. a shakespeare character in shorts and a superman (thankyou @deathly-shipper​) t shirt and sunglasses pining and monologuing away on the floor as he sips some beer from a funky straw... ingenious

benedick dissing claudio and talking about how much hes changed after falling in love but really its also foreshadowing how much benedick will change after he falls in love so hes dissing HIMSELF too... poetic cinema

the sheer chaoticness of this scene is so iconic where do i begin. three friends of benedick get together to try to get him with beatrice and spend the whole scene pretending they cannot see him while benedick blatantly runs around the place tripping over his feet as claudio waxes poetic about how much pain beatrice is going through because of her love... and how perfeCt poor benedick is for her.. how ingenious.. how despicable... i love them.

IS HE GOING TO DANCE

YES HE ABSOLUTELY IS

he will TWIRL 

he will also CRASH INTO TRAYS OF FOOD 

the piNinG

beATRICE LOVES ME??? mE??? she..loves.. ME???

beatrice: :| benedick: :DDDD

A Series of Unfortunate Events (catherine tate i am in love with you)

the fact that they shoot this like some 80s diner scene... cinematic... maybe i am gay. catherine tate playing beatrice is my gay awakening

what is even going on in this one. i have nothing but respect for all the actors involved. mayhaps when i am not afraid of tumblr crashing i will do a part 2

[hamburgerhelpersotherhand]

Future Thoughts

Forty Quinn x Fiancée!Reader

Warnings: Last minute dinner preparations and accusations.

Notes: Another request! Amazing how little attention Forty gets. Anyway, I hope I didn’t get too carried away with the plot of the show. Since Candace isn’t in the picture, I thought Y/N here could be a (sort of) replacement for tracking down Joe’s evil doing 🤯🤯

Your limbs are being stretched up to the sky as you climb out of bed and walk yourself to the thermostat.

You didn’t realize how fast the temperature would drop over the course of the night, but you weren’t about to sleep with a frozen ass.

Not like you could fall asleep now that you’ve fully awakened yourself to heat up the apartment, but at least it would be warmer by morning.

It’s dark outside and the street lights are still on. If you had to guess, you’d say it was past midnight.

Glancing at the clock, you were right. It was 3 am.

That’s too late to suddenly want to go back to sleep, right? Because 3 am quickly becomes 4 am which is far too close to 5 am, the time you’re usually awake and ready to begin brainstorming your personal projects.

You come to the conclusion that sleep will not envelop you at this hour. But, to make this time worth it, you know you’ll need to do something productive.

You walk into the kitchen and turn on the overhanging lights.

On the counter sits an all-too-familiar large yellow parcel.

You’ll have to look through it eventually, there’s no harm in starting now.

You sit yourself down at one of the stools and begin sliding the contents out of the parcel. Inside, you find multiple photographs of an old friend on her wedding day and you scatter them about.

You’re observing. Looking for the best of the best... which is something you do quite often. You’re a professional photographer and rather than creating your own unique pieces, you find yourself doing wedding or newborn photo ops. You’re quite popular in your field, but you feel unsatisfied.

You bite your thumb as you’re drawn to a particular image of the brides looking into each other’s eyes.

As you lean forward to observe it in detail, two firm hands place themselves on your hips and cause you to jolt.

“What’re you doing awake? It’s 3 am.” Forty asks. He places his chin on your shoulder and observes the scattered photographs with tired eyes.

“I turned up the thermostat and decided I’d start work early.” You reply.

His hands slide down your hips and rest on your thighs. “Those are cute pictures. Reminds me of us.”

You smile. He can’t see your face, but the way you speak makes it apparent. “Which one draws you in the most? They commissioned me to create a collage for their new home.”

Forty’s brow furrows as he observes the counter as a whole. He takes a moment, but returns to Earth to give you the answer you were searching for.

“Top left.”

The top left photograph is of the brides noses touching. Their hands are entwined and they seem absolutely lost in each other’s eyes. It’s the exact image you were observing moments ago.

“I see.” You reply shortly.

“Well, now that we’ve chosen a picture for your project— Let’s get back into that comfy bed in the other room.”

“I don’t know, I’m not feeling tired anymore.”

“Awe, come on, baby.” His short beard tickles your neck. “I’ll make it worth your time.” You can hear it in his voice... He’s pouting like a child again.

“Forty, can I ask you a question?” You’re twisting your engagement ring around your finger.

“Shoot.”

“Why did you propose to me?”

Forty goes silent for a moment. You give him time to reflect over your question, and you yourself get lost in thought.

“Well,” He begins. “We were sleeping in the same bed and we were facing each other. You were fast asleep, but I couldn’t get this feeling out of my chest.” He turns the stool you’re sitting in to face him and searches your eyes. “Every time I looked at you, I realized I felt something I never had before.”

You can’t help but crack a smile. You pretend to be biting your thumb to hide it.

“Maybe I just loathe you more than anyone else— but I like to think it’s love and anticipation and excitement for a future with you.”

You’re looking away now with a bright smile. “I loathe you too.”

“I don’t think I can fall asleep now. Want me to make you some breakfast?”

“That would be lovely!” You reply with a quick peck on the lips.

~

It’s still fairly early in the day by the time you’re finished the commissioned wedding project. You lean it against a free wall for pickup.

This wall just so happens to also have your calendar, so you take the opportunity to unhook the pen and check off the day before.

“Huh.” You’re observing the calendar closely. “Forty?”

“Yeah?” Forty eventually calls out from the other room.

“What’s L+W Dinner about? You have it booked for tonight.”

“Oh! Love and her new boy toy, Will, are coming over for dinner tonight.” He walks into the room so neither of you shout.

“You didn’t think about telling me this ahead of time? I don’t think I’m ready.” You’re upset and he notices immediately.

“I’m sorry, it was planned yesterday and I forgot to mention it.”

“Love knows how to cook and I don’t. This is going to be embarrassing.” You cover your face with both your hands.

If you want to be on par with Love, you’ll have to start dinner preparations now.

~

Done.

You’ve done it! You spent your entire afternoon prepping for the dinner and even had time to bake a pie following your grand-mother’s recipe.

But rest was yet to be around the corner, for you had an evening to get through.

You’re all seated at the table with your respected plates.

You feel a wave of anxiety every time Love takes a bite. She seems to be enjoying it despite your doubtful nature.

Love and Forty are now exchanging words and your eyes trail over the stranger, Will.

He’s either looking at Love or looking at his plate. By the time he looks at you, you’re giving him a stern stare.

“How’s Los Angeles treating you? I heard you moved not too long ago.” You ask.

“Everyone seems friendly.” He responds.

“Where were you living before?”

“New York.”

You tilt your head up in understanding and pick up your drink for a sip.

“New York is nice. I lived there for a bit while figuring myself out.” You state.

Will is smiling casually, but you notice something change in his eyes as you talk.

“How did you two meet?” He gestures to Forty and yourself.

“A mattress store. And you two?” You answer and are quick to turn the topic onto him.

“Anavrin.” He replies.

The conversation seems hostile as you both continue to reply with quick answers.

“And where do you work?”

“Anavrin.” Love butts in. “He’s the bookstore clerk.”

“Ah. Met at Anavrin, work at Anavrin.” You’re smiling as you pick at your plate. “Thats cute.”

Forty places his hand on your thigh. He thinks you’re just having one of your moments, but you know there’s something off about this Will guy.

You look down at your plate and pick at your food. “Do you often find your dates in the workplace?”

You don’t have to look to know that Will’s smile is gone.

Forty squeezes your leg and you jolt up. “Don’t mind her, old sport! She’s not very open to new people.” He’s smiling brightly toward Love and Will, even with your glare directed at him.

For the remainder of the evening, you’re quiet. You answer whatever questions come up but you mostly keep to yourself.

They leave early and, from the goodness of your own heart, you give them the pie to take home.

Once they’re gone and out of your hair, Forty shuts the door and faces you.

“What was that all about?” He asks with an edge in his tone.

“What do you mean?” You’re playing innocent.

“You know what I mean. Don’t play stupid with me.” He walks toward you as you stand there, avoiding eye contact. “Don’t fight me on this, just tell me what’s wrong...”

“I know him.” You state. “Or, well... I know I’ve seen him before.”

“Will?”

“I don’t think his name is Will.” You sigh and hold your face. “I don’t remember his name. But I know it isn’t Will.”

“Why do you say that?” Forty ducks down to make eye contact as he pulls your head up to meet his gaze. He looks concerned.

“I don’t know. Am I going crazy? I think I’m going crazy.”

“You know what I think?” Forty reaches out and brushes any loose strands out of your face. “I think you’re stressed and need some rest. Waking up at 3 am probably wasn’t a good call.”

You take a deep breath and run your hands through his hair. “You’re right.”

“Here’s what’s gonna happen.” He gently tugs on your shirt. “You’re going to take all this off, get into a warm bath, and I’m going to mix you your favourite drink.”

“Oh, Forty.” You meet his eyes with a hesitant smile as you wrap your arms around his neck. “Where did I get such an amazing future husband?”

“The mattress store.”

[deeeelightfuldee]

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? baking definitely. I want to get more comfortable cooking.

Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? yes. I used to be pretty good at doing my brothers hair-- even the fading. But I’m sure I’ve forgotten it all by now.

Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? probably my sister or my nephews.

How many long term relationships have you been in? blegh. not many. Whenever I’d know that it didnt have long term potential, id drop it. no sense dragging out the inevitable.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? so for the longest time I kept my room super dark. I slept well. once miller died and kile broke my heart, I couldn’t sleep without the tv playing. I needed to hear something calming and voices talking so I wouldn’t be left with my thoughts. I still can’t turn it off.

Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? i think its easy to say “forgive and forget” but the reality is that once we have endured trauma we don’t easily forget. I think its kind of unrealistic. I’m trying to forgive kile but thats going to take.. i dont know how long. As for what it was... it was just betrayal.. lying. for six+ years. lots of laughing at me. 

Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I like some of her songs.

Do you know your blood type? o+

Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. its coming up. 

Have you ever been pregnant? I dont think so. I was really late after my assault but who knows.

How old were you when you first went on a plane? like 7ish

Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Yeah, student loans. 15k feels so daunting right now.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life? One is. My mom.

When was the last time you went apple picking? highschool maybe?

Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? money.. or a trip.

Have you ever been drunk at school or work? definitely not. 

How many bedrooms are in your house? four. 

Are you smart about computers? I know some stuff.

Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? oh heck’n yeah

Do you own a Xbox 360? I had one from my brother for a little while but I traded it for the gamecube since Kile was going to send me one of the 15 he had lol. That didn’t end up happening, but its OK i really dont need more gaming.

Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? oooooooo.. probably not.

So, do you need a nap? all day is full of naps to try and get over this.

What would you rather be doing? school

What sport are you the best at? maybe volleyball or swimming

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Nope, im the baby. 

Do you complain a lot? no, i try not to. I find complaining to be the most unattractive and yet common human trait and while there are definitely situations worthy of complaining, most of the time it just makes a situation worse than it actually was.

Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? temple

Do you like fruity or minty gum? definitely minty

Are you looking forward to any day of this month? i was really looking forward to Kile’s birthday on monday, but since we arent talking anymore then there is no joy in that. all the other special dates have been ruined by covid.

Have you ever gotten detention? Nope. homeschoolers and detention arent a thing. 

Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? oh sure. heartbreak, deaths, assaults, etc.

Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? no, i can’t be super picky because not every store carries clothing long enough for me.

Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? i havent got a clue

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I mean I’m very fond of cats & dogs

Ever cried so much you threw up? this is what happened the whole 2-3 weeks following finding out about Kile.

Who is your best guy friend? I suppose now that would be Nathan

What do you two do when you hang out? drives, game nights, get food/drinks, or just talk.

What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? Her

Do you even like horror movies? not particularly. I’ll watch them if someone else wants to but its not my preference.

Do you live in the country? i live in the suburbs i suppose.

What is your favorite accent? Some southern and British accents. <same ... i have no idea how I made the font like this.

Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? Not that I can think of.

Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? diet coke

What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? my family celebrated during the day and then I think nathan took me out on the town

Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? nope.

Do you take a lot of pictures? man. this question is hard. I used to love taking pictures of myself. I had much more self confidence and some of it was because kile LOVED my selfies -- or so he said. and I just had so much fun doing that. Since the heartbreak, I’ve maybe taken 10 selfies. I just don’t have any self confidence in my looks anymore. its so different now. most of my pictures now are of other people or scenery.

What kind of face wash do you use? cerave when I want to. otherwise i use water and a very particular type of fabric. 

Does drama always seem to follow you? No, i dont think so.

Does anybody in your family race? like cars? running? no.

Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom.

How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” I think i got it like 2x and it was a dollar.

Do you have a laptop or desktop? Laptop.

Do you like your parents? i love my mom.

Do you secretly like someone? No.

Would you ever date your best male friend? I don’t see any romantic feelings developing between nathan and I

What are you currently listening to? I have gilmore girls on.

Do you want to be single? oooof. Um. I am torn on this subject. On the one hand, i really am ready to be loved, held, protected, cared for, etc. I love the idea of building a life together with someone and us both protecting our unit. I miss supporting, cherishing, loving on someone. Yet on the other hand, im fine being single. I have so much insecurity about myself lately that I dk that anyone else needs to deal with that baggage. Idk

Did you go out or stay in last night? I stayed in. ill be staying in for some time.

Have you pretended to like someone? romantically, no. professionally, yes.

How is your heart lately? Sad. heavy. 

Are you wearing socks? not at the moment. 

What do people call you? Di, diana, dee, ana, di-nan-na, dine-uh, deenah.

Do you get stressed out easily? no, I really dont

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? yes

What is wrong with you right now? im sick. im heartbroken.

Do you own something from Hot Topic? not that I know of. if I do, it’d be from like middle school. I never shopped there but people tended to give gifts from there.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? Alone. maybe I havent found the right sort of person to share a bed with.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No.

Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Yes, several times. 

Did you get any compliments today? No.

Have you ever gone to a beach? many many many times.

What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? not my thing. at all.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Yes.

Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Yes.

Do you have long nails? they are healthy length. I want to grow them out a bit more. 

Do you like the gender you are? Yeah.

Do you generally look nice in photos? Not anymore

Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? no haha

What colour are your father’s eyes? Blue.

If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? uhhhhm, blue october

Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? maybe not anymore. 

What’s your favorite hot beverage? hot chocolate from dunkin

Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? i did. no comment.

Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? oooooohhhhhhhhh man i love both.

Do you think you’re important? I mean i offer some importance to this world but eh.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Hmm no idea.

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? no

Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No.

Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? Nope.

What was the first thing you ate today? I haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday

If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? for the longest time it was to spend the day driving aimlessly and getting food and talking about everything and nothing with Kile. now, its just.. idunno. blank.

If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? I’m not doing well.

What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? There’s a few things related to school.

Is there anything that you wish you could take back? not really, no.

What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? this whole covid nonsense going away, heartbreak to soothe, and my miller back.

If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? i dont know. 

When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I just changed it up so itll be a bit.

Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? Fast.

Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ yes. several times.

How many drugs are in your system? lol lots of meds rn to kick this. usually none.

What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? the same as today.

Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. i dont like the idea of bite marks but hickeys were fun for a time. in not visible areas tho.

Do you call anyone baby? Not anymore.

What’s your current mood? Bleh.

What were you doing before filling out this survey? Watching gilmore girls

How late did you stay up last night? I took PM meds at i wanna say 8? maybe 7? I don’t remember.

When was the last time you cried really hard? its been a few weeks since ive cried about Kile. I’m in the numb stage.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? hahahahahahah

[artsynimbus]

MK couldn't write racism so they turned the faunus subplot into Everyone Loves Blake. Seriously all the major players: Adam, Ilia, Sun, and eventually Yang for some reason. It's both hilarious and pathetic how they bungled up this topic.

Can I also include Weiss being a major player/ultimate ally if she was written to be- and if they really wanted to put it together, have Weiss and Blake dismantle a huge part of the injustices going on with the faunus which would’ve been a huge character growth thing for Weiss (not like the little bit we’ve seen hasn’t been.. cute) and solid personal growth thing for Blake (referencing how she was apart of the radical part of the WF and did some bad shit of which Roman referenced, but her confronting that and changing it could’ve been a huge thing for her-) ..you know if MK gave a shit and really wanted to work on that instead of shipping. Like, allow me to vent but, V1 introduces these heavy topics and “illegal labor forces” which lets be honest is a sugared up way of saying slave labor, being a thing  right? And this is something Blake addresses to Weiss who seemed very ignorant of this being a fact-  which i mean looking at it perspectively, have we ever seen illegal slave labor in RWBY? No, so why would we believe Blake over Weiss? The only thing we can really go off on is that Blake has been apart of the WF since childhood- its been her life so she would know almost everything revolving around the subject of classism and racism toward the faunus, so its easy to believe her right? So then why wouldn’t they show that, or at least have Weiss have an inkling of interest into looking into that? Is it because having the rich princess realize her wealth and status was built off the bodies of the faunus would be too dark a subject? Like I’m still confused as to why this has never been addressed or looked into by Weiss at all. By V4 when she was literally doing nothing but being sad and lamenting that she was back at her shitty home  with her shitty dad, i thought the writing would take that turn- but nope, Weiss is running away from home because it sucks and dads a meanie. Like.. wow.. being at home could’ve given you access to your fathers files and perhaps proof of what blake was saying as being true, and this evidence could’ve had you take your father down volumes ago--- even if she wasn’t going to do that, M&K could’ve wrote her running away from home cause she knows where these slave labor camps are, and shes there to fuck shit up to liberate some faunus-- but nah thats too deep right?? Lets get very surface level and just show that yeah her dad is mean and hits her and thats why shes really running away and also look at this Freezerburn goodness! Like I’m not saying her dad being a shitty abusive character isn’t bad, but its surface level drama that eclipses a gigantic issue that literally affects a whole race of people and treats them as second class citizens- why are the viewers of this show subjected to focus on the former rather the latter- or why isn’t the former connected to that latter? Why wouldnt Weiss let her dads abuse and corrupt behaviors be illustrated as a motivation that drives her to end her fathers reign of the SDC? Why is surface level drama eclipsing the deep issues a reoccuring thing within the show? Why didn’t they do anything with what they’ve given us volumes ago regarding the subject of racism and classism of the faunus? Even bigger, why introduce ANYTHING about the subject of racism when its clear youre picking and choosing what can be seen and discussed- which by the way is extremely offensive in my opinion. Racism AS A WHOLE  is fucked up and how cute it must be to literally look into it as a writer and be like “yeah we won’t show the dark stuff regarding this issue cause we don’t want our viewers who don’t know what discrimination and racism is like to feel sad, but lets villainize the radicals born from this issue, and lets also heavily focus on having teenage boys bully bunny girls, and have people glare at a cute cat girls just cause they’re faunus” just to keep around the underlining message that ‘hey this is bad’ . O k a y   y e a h   it is, but what are the heroes that we’re focusing on gonna do about it? And why are we automatically demonizing the faction born from hate from the humans? If perspectivism is put into play we can easily say yes, adam and sienna are wrong, BUT so are humans that allow this construct to continue- the only characters who attempted to do anything about this issue in the entirety of the show has been Blake with Sun following her lead(at the WF rally and Menagerie). So wtf am I supposed to think as a viewer, about everyone else and/or this theme? Is Racism a Faunus issue that the faunus have to solve? How does that make sense??? And i get that right now with Salem, tackling the faunus issue would be a lot to juggle, but ALL of this could’ve been worked on BEFORE Salem was introduced- and Not to mention she’s just a bootleg Kaguya(naruto) plotting and planning at a round table with a bunch of buffoons we’re supposed to pretend are overpowered sooo...??? I really don’t get why the subject has been kept on the back-burner for so long...but then again i do know so whatever right?

[cirilee]

i just found a text my browser had saved on a word count website, and i apparently typed it last november while being sad - i just wanna have a place to post it, and it explains why i was gone for most of may through november last year.

if you’re interested, u can read, it’s basically just a long long long vent and i wanna save it somewhere :’)

(and if you wanna, you can tell me what u think of the whole thing, maybe share if something like that happened to you too, because man, this whole thing was WEIRD for me)

bottom line is: i’m much better now and have way better friends then back then and in general, i’m a pretty happy person again^^

My parents and me had been fighting a lot the past years. I still love them. For a while though, it was just shouting matches between us. We weren't really speaking to each other throughout january 2019 until april 2019, so i wasn't informed by them that they were planning to mOVE OUT. And the place they wanted to move to only had enough space for 2 people. now my brother and me had 3 months total to find and finance our own flats. i was desperate. 2 months i unsuccessfully searched for a job or a flat or a way to make a deposit for said flat, without any saved up money. an old school friend offered to move out together. i only saw him once every month for group activities. he was nice, but we also had a bit of a history. 3 years ago he had acted kinda scummy and tried to get me to be his girlfriend because "he couldnt find anybody else” - ending in a "movie night with friends" that turned out to be a trap, where the only one spending the night was me because he only invited me. creepy. he apologized and i forgave him and we were chill and it was normal between us. i realize now, that i should have just left him out of my life at that point. but time was running out, so i gave in and asked myself "whats the worst he could do. i’ve known this person for 12 years and the he's part of my friend group" we set up basic rules, how we would pay for stuff, etc. .. we moved in. it seemed fine. then i noticed that he talked A LOT. and he wanted A LOT of attention. after a day of working on my diploma or working at my job, he would assert himself in my room and try to engage in smalltalk. i am not the hermit type. i engaged with him, i joined in on his conversation. but when i was already tired he wouldn't accept "i'm gonna go to sleep". there was always something else he needed to talk about. I was trying to make clear to him that i needed alone time too, but no matter how honest i was, the message either didn't seem to stick, or he'd get upset and start asking me if i hated him. With that, i could have kept up with in the long run. Then he started knocking on my door. even when it was already late and i already told him i was gonna go to sleep. Repeatedly knocking on my door. At some point he just opened the door. It was 1am. I pretended to sleep. I could hear him breathing, it sounded angry. He eventually closed the door. The next morning i confronted him. He argued it away as him trying to warn me that he was going to take a shower, so that i wouldn't use the bathroom. He started commenting on how i wasn't funny enough around him. in that friend group, i'm the funny one :c. but i cant keep up that energy 24/7 (this was supposed to be a home, not a free neverending standup act, for this one guy). that confused him. the next day he asked me if i had depression. My parents had given me a griller/toaster as a parting gift (there’s a backstory for that too but anyways) my flatmate ALSO had that same toaster. He demanded we make up our minds which one to keep. i didn't understand why this was important to him and i hated discussing this useless topic with him so i stored the toaster in my room. He repeatedly suggested i throw mine away (?). One evening i got hungry and decided i'd make myself a toast in my room. So i made some toast. Suddenly he bursts in. And he starts ranting. "why are you doing this are you CRAZY you cant TOAST in your own room thats DANGEROUS you're gonna start a fire, don't ever do that again, we have a KITCHEN for that. why don't you want to use the kitchen you cant just HIDE from me every day, this is OUR flat  and i want us to live TOGETHER!" He didn't stop talking and it overwhelmed me, so (this is embarrassing, but) i actually started crying and i turned away from him so i could try to control myself. and he just started babytalking me "awww its alright i didn't mean to scare you, but you see, you shouldn't have done that". he tried putting his arms around me, i told him to stop. "you need a hug right now" ...... i was so angry i think my brain might have short circuited because the next hour was me just acting the whole way through. i told him everything he wanted to hear. i was so sorry for almost burning the house down and made up some explanation that my parents were still making me sad, so i needed distance. The next big thing involved one of my best friends. she wanted to spontaneously go out for an evening. so i put on some pants and of course: HE appears in my room, asking where i'm going. i was surprised by the question and just answered "going out with Lina" he left it at that. then suddenly: "can i come too?" He threw me off with that question. Lina had said she needed some advice on personal stuff, so I said "no" because i didn't have a better answer. he got ANGRY. i explained. "Lina wants some privacy, i'm sorry" He starts arguing that Lina is just as much his best friend, and that he should be allowed to hear what she wants to say to me. Before i can reply he slams his door shut. "Don't even try to explain yourself", he says. I told my friend while meeting up with her and she began with the sympathetic "you should have said yes" and we argued about it and then she came out with this absolutely horrifying sentence: "you know how he is. you cant be *too* honest with him. he's sensitive. you need to lie to him so he doesn't get mad" it was as if i'd been splashed with cold water. i said i didn't agree with that. that that was actually unfair to HIM. nobody likes being lied to and treated less than. she called him, told him i was gonna apologize and he showed up with the angriest expression i ever saw in his face. he accused me of being depressed and that he now has the burden of my mental issues to bear. This he assumed because one night i told him about me dissassociating sometimes a few years ago. Then he wanted me to promise i would never leave him, because he's afraid i won't be able to pay my part of the rent. the crowning moment was my friend Lina mostly agreeing with him and both of them berating me for not having my life together because i still hadn't managed to find an open-ended contract job, only limited-time jobs. at the end he justified himself by saying he cant stand my parents phoning me. (at that point they had started calling me everyday and showed genuine concern ... i was trying to reform a bond with them) - apparently he resented that. he knew about my parents disciplining me with face slaps as a kid (when i was 9-11 yrs old) (they feel bad about it, and they they stopped doing it fairly early) in that moment my flatmate chose to tell me ..... (hoo boy i need to get ready to type this) .... "i'm concerned about you. if your father would ever beat you, i would beat him  to a bloody pulp" then he repeated "i would beat him/kill him" a few times, VERY agitatedly. it was scary and at that point i was numb. i didn't really respond, i just said "its fine" or something to that extent. the  thing that made me decide to move out (although certainly among many that followed that night) was this: one morning i informed him i was going to visit my parents that weekend. we had started talking again (as i mentioned before and i wanted to meet them without fighting for once). he says "but you're coming back, right". i say "of course don't be so nervous". i go to work. i get a LOT OF texts from him suddenly. i skim through it. he's mad about me calling him "nervous". i don't reply/read bc i am at work. Then he actually CALLS me. i don't pick up.  now i'm thinking: What is so  important, that he has to call me during work.  there's a 4 paragraph essay in my inbox. "watch your mouth", "you have no right to speak that way to me", "you should have more respect". he was mad i called him nervous. i responded that i don't have time to reply. he argued back. at one point i said "if i cant even call you nervous then i'm ACTUALLY gonna stay with my parents" he fiNALLY didn't reply to that. after a 10hour day i come home. i wanna shower. i go to my room, close the door and start undressing myself. of course, there's knocking on my door. i say "No" he flips out. i calmly tell him i'm only half dressed. he flips out even more, says i'm a horrible person who WANTS to fight because my "no" wasn't a good enough answer and i should have explained in full detail why he couldn't get in. he was actually SERIOUS. this was his reasoning for flipping out. he goes away. not even a minute passes by and he hammers his fist against my door again. "OPEN UP THIS TIME I *HAVE* TO COME IN" at this point i'm beginning to get kinda scared  so i say "come in" He comes in and says he needs me to disconnect with the wifi because he needs it for his work. i calmly say "ok" and disconnect my wifi. he goes away, leaves the door open. i stand up to go and close my door. HE ACTUALLY GOES AND PULLS AGAINST ME TO TRY TO PRY IT OPEN AGAIN. eventually he lets go and then he flips out FOR REAL. he starts screaming about how i'm a psycho, and that im crazy and awful and he has been nothing but nice and that he "saved" me and i haven't been thankful enough.

.... ..

yes, i was in a difficult position. but that flatmate arrangement was made on even ground. he had wanted to move out from his parents for years. i fled and left. called my parents, but they were miles away and laughed it off. i would have probably too. i called my friends. Lina offered to come and mediate. He continued screaming even with Lina there. It culminated with him roaring at me, pointing at the door saying "if you don't like how i treat you, there's the door, leave right now" with lina replying "don't say that, you NEED her money to pay rent!" it was awful, and an eye-opener. the next day, on the way to work, i decided i was gonna move out. and before i could tell him, i get a message from him (!). An ultimatum. he tells me i have 3 options. 1) leave immediately and take my stuff away within a week. i wouldn't have "pay any more than i've already payed" (it was the first day of that month and i had already payed my rent. nice) 2) stay for half a year, but immediately pay him something so that he knows i'll stay 3) stay indefinitely, but set up a " bevahiour contract" with him, so this "never happens again" i told him i'd take option 1 and then i stayed over at a friends house. then at a friends shared appartement. then at dormitary and soon i'm gonna move in with my younger brother. we've been estranged a bit but grown closer through this whole thing. now Lina and him are still friends and lina blames me for "everyone in our friend group" being mad at him. one of her first concerns, was that her birthday parties are gonna be weird now. i am completely done with her as well and don't want her in my life anymore. according to her, I left him with a rent he cant pay  and i should feel bad for that. except i dont. should i though?

[trying-write-fanfics]

Shouji Mezo X Reader part 57 Remember

 That couldn’t have been her. She said her full name to them. It was her no doubt about it, and she was real. It was terrifying to see her in the flesh. To have so much history with her but she had zero history with him. His phone rang again and he answered.

“Shouji, I should have told you…” Deku started. “She didn’t recognize me either.”

“Aizawa was right about keeping anyone from looking for her. It just was too much.” Shouji said.”Why didn’t you tell me she was there?”

“I thought if I did, you wouldn’t come.”

He was right, he’d avoid that university like the plague. Shouji does have a tender curiosity for Y/n’s well being but he didn’t want to meet a Y/n that didn’t remember him and he wasn’t going to stalk her. 

“I remember how happy you two were when you guys were together. She did a lot of questionable things, but you both seemed to really care for each other and I just thought if you two met again, you would make each other happy again, like that.” Midoriya explained. 

“Midoriya, she may be an entirely new person now.” Shouji said, but then he made his decision. “I’ll stay on the security squad.”

“What! Really?” 

“It would be awful if she got hurt again.” Shouji said. “But I’ll try and protect everyone at that gala.”

“Thank you Shouji!”

Shouji hung up and looked back at the hospital selfie they took when they had their official hospital date. There was probably never going to be a date like that again. Well he could only hope that he wouldn’t have a hospital date after his partner got burned to a crisp. 

 It was just his horror to talk to Y/n again, knowing he didn’t share the same history. He was a stranger to her. She held her hand out like it was their first meeting. It was like his insides were being torn from within, and he had to pretend it was nothing. 

Shouji called the club for a more in depth tour, where attacks could hide, sources of power, the whole nine yards. The president of the club said he would give the tour. 

 Shouji got there and was greeted by the president of the club. He explained he believes an opposing club could be the culprit. 

“Why would another club be out for this one?” Shouji asked. 

“Ever since (last name) was made my Vice President, she’s been able to bring in more club members with her personality. A lot of members were drawn to our club because of her outgoingness and that she could persuade freshmen at orientation why we were the best club. Because of this other clubs have suffered not having any new members, which means lack of funding for them and more for us.” The president explained. “I didn’t think I’d be able to save our dying club, but when Y/n joined we made it to nationals.”

Shouji wanted to avoid this topic. He was glad Y/n was ambitious and found some direction in her life. She was doing amazing like she always was going to be. No, what he worried about was hearing about the possibility of a love interest.

“She sounds amazing.” Shouji told the president.

“She intimidated you didn’t she?” The president asked. “She scared the hell out of me when we first met. She barked out orders from day one on how to improve our club.”

“Do you think the attacker is going to be after her specifically?” Shouji asked.

“I never really thought about it. I don’t know if they know (last name) is the reason for our club’s sudden popularity. You would think because she’s so loud.”

“It’s only a guess, but she could be the main target.” Shouji said. 

“Should I tell her? I don’t want to ruin her big night making her feel responsible for the threats.” The president asked. “But I also want her to be aware…”

“We probably should.” Though they were technically strangers now, he didn’t want her living in the dark. “But it is only a theory. I could be wrong.” Shouji told them.

“Here’s our club- and speak of the devil.” The president said as they opened the doors.

Y/n was in the lab, with a machine and computer beside her. She was conducting some sort of trial, that Shouji did not know. She was in a white lab coat, recording data. She turned to them as she heard the doors opened revealing she was wearing safety glasses.

“Oh hey, showing our security around?” Y/n asked the president.

“Yes, and what are you doing here? All our projects have been wrapped up for the moment.”

“Doing, my own projects. You get me, Mr. Tentacole, just because the assignment is complete, there is always more work to be done!” She sang. “You have your security missions, but you also catch bad guys!” she twirled in the lad.

“Please stop.” The president sighed. “Tentacole thinks you may be a target of the threats.”

“Me?” Y/n was surprised. “What did I do?” she got a little angry.

“It’s only a theory, but with the information we gathered we think another club suffered from lack of recruitment-” Shouji tried to explain.

“Oh because people wanted to hang out with me because I am one of the best scientists at this school, that I should get hurt and have my club’s work ruined all for something so childish!” She yelled.

 “It’s only a hypothesis L/n, no one said it’s your fault we’re being targeted at the gala.”

“Not only are we successful in our technical skills, and our decision making, but because we also have social skills, covering all our bases for talents a good club needs, I’m to blame because I excel at all three, I feel like.” She explained. “It just hurts that someone feels so intimidated by me. They want to crush my beautiful success, after everything I've been through.”

The president rolled his eyes, but Shouji’s interest piqued. Did she remember?

“If Deku or Tentacole agree to be your body guard or something will you settle down?” The president asked.

“No! I must find the darkness that hides behind cut up magazine threats, and strangle them with my bare hands because I control my own fate, success, destiny-” She was going on.

Was she really the same Y/n! It really seemed like it. 

“Its illegal to strangle someone.” The president told her.

“I have proof they were threatening me! Tentacole just a little strangle? You would understand right?” Y/n begged.

Her (colored) eyes were wide as she pleaded with everything in her heart to be allowed to beat the crap out of her attacker. Shouji turned his gaze away, fearing he might blow his cover of trying to only be the pro hero of security for this event, not a foggy memory.

“It’s only a theory you may be the target.” Shouji told her.

“Well that’s not a no.” She said.

Charming as ever. Voice as smooth as silk, and her soul always felt like she was on victory road. Except that short time she was at UA. The president sighed in annoyance at his extroverted counterpart that was able to fluster a pro-hero, especially one that is not known for being emotional. Being close with his vice president, he always saw things going easy for Y/n, she could charm just about any professor or sponsor, and ten minutes later get hammered with the sports teams, and never face any social consequences. But as he learned more about his counterpart, he saw that Y/n had a troubled past, that she was trying to overcome. With all his knowledge, he had to believe this cruise style life came from something science couldn’t explain, that there was balance trying to be restored.

“Well, I’ll be showing Tentacole the hall we’ll be in for the gala. We’ll leave you to your fun.” The president said taking Shouji out of the lab.

They began walking  across campus to get to the fancy hall that the university uses to host their most elegant dinner parties.

“I told you she is very intimidating like a snake!” The president huffed. “You just have to be firm with your no’s with her, because she will choke someone and I don’t know how the hero stuff works, but I can assume you can get in trouble.”

“You think she’ll choke someone?” Shouji asked.

“I’ve seen it! It starts out all cute, or she’s flinging insults, and she gives  a warning and goes through with it, every single time.” The president whined. “It was bad when the dean’s son liked her, because he didn’t know what the word no meant, let alone threats. She beat him with a chair, and she almost got expelled, but she was able to convince the sexual harassment case pretty far, and expose the dean for nepotism. I thought I was going to have to dissolve the club, and she turned it around.”

It all did sound like Y/n. She was still the same Y/n.

“She sounds pretty tough.” Shouji commented.

“It’s all in the element of surprise, or thats what I first thought. No one expected a physics major to ever go insane like her. But then when the rumors spread, people started challenging her, and she could whoop ass. She doesn’t remember, but I bet she had some martial arts training.”

“Why wouldn’t she remember that?”

The president realized they spoke too much.

“Keep this to yourself, but before L/n came to this university, she suffered from amnesia. The university almost didn’t accept her, but she took so many exams to prove she belonged. The martial arts is probably a muscle memory rather than a part of the brain that was affected.” The president said. “I felt bad because I also tried to find a way to deny her entry in the club, but she fought tooth and nail.”

So it all was true, she forgot them, there was no doubt, but knowing things were still difficult after losing her memories just made him ache. She was kept away from UA hoping to lessen the possible pain of remembering, but there were new obstacles always trying to stop her.

“That sounds awful.” Shouji said.

“I just assumed the school was giving her everything on a silver platter, and I wanted no part of it. Turns out I was part of one of her fights to belong in a space she is probably above.”

That night, Shouji decided to google Y/n. No social media, but achievements from school newspapers. With his pro hero perks, he was able to find the case of Y/n vs the dean’s son for assault and sexual harassment. There was no lie, chair and all. He then looked up the dean’s son, and found out that right after the case, he got married, which recently his wife committed suicide. Apparently she wanted to legally separate, but there was no suicide note found. That man may have not stopped his reign of terror, but at least Y/n was able to put some fear in him.