#but the emotion of the scene does all the heavy lifting if that makes sense. and sometimes bc of that a simpler approach to the language

[dallonwrites]

i would like to Try and make 20k today which is only 2k words and it's 11:30....only thing i have to do today is groceries...and i'm at work all day tomorrow so no writing then probably...i am working with a lot of stuff i've already written so that'll slow down the word count and this is a pretty slow chapter in terms of things happening it's more like, a lot of set up/establishing beau's current circumstances and how he interacts with it. but i think it's doable especially because when i get really into lover boy i just don't shut the fuck up

[narcoticv3nus]

If I Wasn't So Fucked Up (I'd Fuck You All The Time) ᡣ𐭩 higuruma hiromi

minors do not interact! | mdni!

summary: hiromi was not someone who sought intimacy or relationships, and he lacked experience with women. however, he ended up with a wonderful girlfriend, you. he tries to take care of you, but sometimes struggles with expressing his emotions. he is often busy, leaving you feeling lonely. he finds it difficult to come to terms with your unhappiness and does his best to make it up to you. tags/trigger warnings: 18+, f!reader, no use of y/n, anxious!reader, crybaby!reader, reader has hair, mention of cigarettes, healthy relationship dynamic, self-indulgent, heavy smut, heavy fluff, pillow talk at the end, slight angst, hurt to comfort, makeup sex, mutual obsession, crying, talk about issues in relationships, p in v, foreplay, pet names ("darling", "baby", "love", "my love"'). wc: 5.8k

a/n: a character.ai bot i made inspired this piece! here is the link if you are interested.

As Hiromi drags his feet through the front door, warm, ambient lighting and the aroma of a freshly cooked meal instantly greet him, hitting his nose. He then drapes his coat across a dining room chair before taking off his shoes, neatly placing them beside yours. He sighs in relief as you suddenly appear in front of him. You smile at him, but it doesn't meet your eyes. You reached up, softly undoing his tie while refusing to meet his gaze.

"Are you hungry?" You ask softly, flickering your eyes up at him as you place a hand gently on his chest. A small smile tugs at his lips as he gazes at you, his large, weary eyes taking in every tiny detail of your face. He can tell something is not quite right: you look tired and worn. And your usual loving warmth feels more far away. Still, you look just as beautiful as always.

“Yes,” he says quietly, a hint of exhaustion lingering. He raises a hand, running a few fingers through your curls as you undo his tie.

"Something smells good.", he adds before leaning in and kissing your head.

You pull away, pecking his lips before returning to the kitchen to prepare his plate.

As you retreat into the kitchen, Hiromi's gaze lingers, following your movements while he rolls his head on his shoulders. He makes his way to one of the dining chairs, taking a seat before he loosens the top buttons of his dress shirt. He finds his mind preoccupied after the workday, and his entire body feels physically heavy, but being in your presence puts him at ease - there’s no one else he’d rather spend his evenings with after work.

Placing his plate in front of him, you fill two glasses of wine before sitting next to him. You bite your lip hesitantly as you watch him take his first bite; your eyes are more absent than usual.

"Is it good?" You force out, eyes fluttering over towards him.

Hiromi takes notice of your distant expression and how your gaze is unfocused as you stare at him. A slight frown momentarily creases his brow, but he gives you a nod, a reassuring smile forming on his lips as he turns to look back at the food.

"It's wonderful. Thank you.", Hiromi replies in a low tone, his voice softened by exhaustion. Despite your far-off attitude, he lifts a piece of food onto his fork and takes another large bite.

"You're welcome." You respond, offering him a smile before a thick silence consumes the scene.

As the moment stretches, an uncomfortable silence takes over. The quiet ambiance of the room feels heavy with tension, and a sense of unease settles within Hiromi. He furrows his brow slightly before taking a sip from his glass of wine, his mind racing as the distance grows between you.

"Is everything alright?" he manages to ask, his voice soft and filled with concern. He places his fork onto his plate, turning fully towards you to decipher your expression.

As you look up at him, guilt seems almost to swallow you whole.

"No, no... I mean, yes! Everything's fine." You stammer, taking a sip of wine to hide your embarrassment.

"Just a long day..." You half-lie because, in truth, it was.

He looks into your eyes and sees you struggling to conceal your emotions. He reaches for your hand, gently holding it while rubbing his thumb over your knuckles. His expression is concerned but calm, and he squeezes slightly.

"Long day? Would you like to talk about it, love?" he asks softly, his voice a low rumble. Perhaps it's due to his exhaustion, but all he can focus on is the apparent strain on you - he can't ignore that something is weighing on your mind.

"It's fine..." You try to convince him (and yourself). Yet all you can focus on is the smoothness of his voice and the weight of his large hand encompassing yours. His thumb absentmindedly rubbed gentle circles into your skin. Concern draws his heavy brows together, and his eyes plead. You feel your body grow warm from your desires, the red wine sitting in your belly doing little to help.

"You're stressed and..." You start, your eyes fluttering over his face, taking in his handsome features. "I just don't want to put anymore onto you."

His expression remains concerned as he listens to you, and he squeezes your hand once more, silently reassuring you that he is willing to listen. He can practically hear the tension in your voice as you speak, making his chest ache. A part of him yearns to know what's going on, but another part wants to pull you into his embrace and soothe you.

"If anything is bothering you...you can talk to me, love." He promises with a sweet kiss to your hand.

"I just... miss you." You admit weakly, shifting uncomfortably in your seat, your eyes darting back down to your combined hands. You nervously begin fidgeting with his fingers.

"I rarely see you, and we haven't gone out in a while. You only come home when I'm asleep most of the time, and then you leave again before I wake up. We haven't... done it either." You feel your face grow hot in embarrassment and guilt, but it feels good to get it out finally.

His heart clenches at your words. He wants to hold you, pull you close in his arms, and bury his face in your hair. He can practically feel the hurt in your voice, which makes him hurt, too, but he grips your hand instead.

"You're right.", he begins softly, his voice filled with guilt and regret. "I...I have been working almost non-stop this month, and I promise you there's nothing I'd rather do than spend more time with you. I'll try harder, I'll do better..."

"I don't want you to feel like it's your fault." You shake your head quickly, feeling the guilt weigh further on your shoulders. "You're good to me and always take care of me. I–I know how demanding and strenuous your work is. I feel bad for asking so much of you, but…” Your words jumble as your mind scrambles, and you let out a long sigh, trying to blink back the rising wetness in your eyes.

"Darling... look at me." he gently cuts you off, softly but firmly, as he lifts his free hand to your face and gently turns it towards him. Despite the fatigue that's settled in his bones, exhaustion and weariness filling his every move, his eyes look you over with regard and care.

"You're not demanding...not at all. And you're not in the wrong for feeling like you miss me or want me home more often - it's alright that you feel this way; I know I'm still here, with you, always."

Smiling crookedly, the lump in your throat grows tighter, and your vision clouds as you look up at him. Hiromi had always been patient with you, never judgmental, and always kind. You feared your emotions were too big—too sensitive, but he never seemed to mind; he seemed to cherish it.

"I know, I just... don't want to put any more pressure on you." You swallow thickly, hoping to suffocate the urge to cry in front of him.

Your words make his heartache for you even more, his thumb tracing circles into the skin of the back of your hand in a way to soothe you, his other hand gently caressing your cheek. He leans in a little closer, searching your face.

"Darling... I want you to tell me when these things bother you; you're not putting pressure on me; you're just expressing how you feel. And I want to listen to you. I'll always listen to you, alright?"

His words hit home, breaking the dam you were struggling to maintain. Fresh tears slipped down your cheeks before your hands quickly wiped them away. You sniffle, your smile shaky, and you gaze up at him through glistening eyes. The words: ‘Thank you’ sit on your tongue heavily, yet it feels strange thanking him for something you shouldn't be thanking him for. He's just so good — unabashedly and without selfish reasons.

"I love you." You say instead, and it comes out strangled and pitched, but you force it out nonetheless.

His mouth forms a tight line as he watches you, his chest constricting at your tears and the sound of your voice wavering as you speak. He leans in closer, gently tugging your hand, and he brings you towards him, his other arm wrapping around you and pulling you into him.

"It's alright, my love... there there..." He speaks softly and gently, running a hand soothingly over your back as he pulls you closer. He presses a gentle kiss to your nose, then your cheek, then your forehead.

"I love you too, always."

You giggle at his attempt to console you, contentedly purring as you sink into his embrace. "You're so good to me." You mumble aloud, half of your face squished against his chest.

He pulls you closer still, letting you bury your face into his chest while his arms wrap around you tighter. He rests his chin on your head, running one hand through your hair, and holds you close while you sit perched on top of him. His heart finally settles slightly at the sound of your laugh and the feeling of your body pressed close to his, and he lets out a quiet huff from his nose.

"Of course... you mean everything to me.", he whispers, his voice slightly muffled.

A wide smile splits across your face from his words, your cheeks growing warmer. His voice washed over your being like an incredible wave on a hot summer's day, forcing your body into a calm state of arousal. The feeling of his large, warm hands scoping the reins of your waist causes a shiver to roll up your spine. His pectorals are large, soft, and squishy through his wrinkled, white button-up that you rest your cheek upon.

As you feel his lips press against the top of your head, you drink in the musky, woody smell attached to his clothes. A faint scent of pine and cigarettes clings to his body, a subtle reminder that you know he's been smoking more than usual this month, no doubt from the stress of his job. You never say anything, but you worry. And you know that he knows you worry.

"Hiromi..." You breathe, writhing in his embrace, your thighs pressed together. "It's been so long..." You begin, your voice shy of its usual self-confidence, worried you’d ask for too much. Just last week, when you had tried to initiate intimacy, he had explained he was too exhausted and had promised "another time" that never came. Of course, you remained patient and would never ask for more than he could give. And yet you were growing more and more needy as time went on. Hiromi was a passionate lover, but his libido seemed to be less as intense as yours was.

Your words make his heart flutter as he feels you shift, his eyes flickering down to where you had pressed your thighs together, and his breath hitches for a moment in his throat. His hold around you tightens as if he were worried you would pull away from him, his hand gently playing with the soft strands of your hair while you focus his senses.

"Darling..." he begins quietly as his thumb reaches up, carefully grazing your bottom lip, feeling the slight moisture from your tears still clumped on the skin.

"I... I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry; s’not your fault." You reassure him, your heart clenching at his voice's tone yet beating faster at the feel of his finger against your bottom lip. You press your lips against the tip of his thumb, causing a shuddering breath to leave his mouth.

"I just miss you..." You breathe, pressing your chest against him, your eyes darting towards his lips.

"I know... I miss you too.", he murmurs, gently shifting to close the remaining distance between you. He bends his head down, palm cradling your face as he presses an achingly tender kiss, sighing softly against your mouth.

You moan into the kiss, letting your hands rest gently against his stubbly cheeks. He hadn't shaved in some time, but you quite like the 'disheveled' look on him.

You kissed him back softly or tried to, at least, quickly becoming more and more aroused. ‘It's been so long,’ you justify your impatience inside your head. ‘He just looks so good, smells so good, feels so good’ — the mantra in your head continues. It's not long before your trembling fingers undo his shirt's buttons, desperate to feel his warm skin against yours. His body shudders in response.

His breathing wavers just slightly as he feels you press harder against his lips. Your impatient moans and the way you hungrily press against him sparks even more desire deep within him. Before Hiromi realizes what he's doing, he's pulling you closer than before, practically into his lap, as he deepens your kiss.

He slides his hand to the back of your head, burying his fingers into your hair as he continues to explore the heat of your mouth.

Once you finish unbuttoning his shirt, you don’t bother wasting time by shrugging the rest of it off; instead, you instantly glide your hands down his body and back up again. Without even realizing it, your body begins moving on its own — your hips grinding down against his thigh.

"Missed you..." You huff as you part from his mouth, your chest heaving in lack of oxygen. Your lips find his ear, nibbling softly, and you undo his belt with one hand, the other still pawing at him.

Your movements draw shaky breaths from him, his hands roaming down your sides to settle on your waist. Despite his fatigue and exhaustion, he feels desire and warmth surge through his core as you unbutton his pants, and he gently pulls back to give you a moment to breathe.

"Darling... wait..." he mutters against you, his voice coming out in breathy pants, his forehead resting against yours.

"What's wrong? Do you want to stop?" You panic, worry and guilt quickly settle in at your restlessness.

"Nothing's wrong..." he reassures with a small smile, gently caressing your cheek, and shakes his head. "I just think we might be more comfortable in the bedroom."

He then pauses, a slight frown settling onto his expression, and he cups your face in his hands, his thumb tracing the skin under your eye.

"Are you sure you want to do this...? You don't have to, I-"

You quiet him with a deep kiss, pulling him upwards and guiding him towards the room. You pull him along quickly, hastiness settling into your bones.

"Need you so badly, Hiro." You whine once you enter, quickly discarding your clothes before him.

He lets himself be dragged into your bedroom, slightly stumbling as he follows behind you, and a breathless laugh leaves him once you begin undressing in front of him. His eyes can't help but rove over your curves and the soft expanse of your skin, and once you toss aside the last of your clothes, he steps closer towards you with a determined edge to the way he moves.

"Darling..." he mumbles as he pulls you into him, his mouth grazing your jaw before his teeth sink into the crook of your neck.

Your sudden gasp trails off into a high-pitched mewl. You close your eyes in bliss, grasping at his messy hair as your body arches further into him.

He closes his eyes as he relishes the mewls and gasps you produce as he sinks his teeth into soft flesh, his hands roaming over your bare form, touching you everywhere and yet never staying in one place for long. He pulls back, panting heavily against your skin, and he trails his mouth down and across the slope of your shoulder before he lifts you off of your feet and onto the bed.

You quickly sink into the plush mattress, giggles leaving your lips as your excitement becomes too much. Your mind repeatedly screams: ‘Yes, yes, yes!’ as Hiromi shrugs off the remainder of his clothes. You bite your lip as you watch, your eyes practically glowing with hunger and anticipation.

"You're so handsome... so sexy." You giggle, sighing in utter happiness as you watch him with rapt attention.

His breath gets caught in his throat for a moment at your words, the corners of his mouth tugging upwards into an intimate smile as he lets himself sink onto the bed before you, his knee slotting between your legs and hands coming to rest beside your head as he pins you between his arms.

"And you're gorgeous, darling..." he answers before his head dips down towards your neck again, his teeth and lips grazing over your skin, and he bites down on your collarbone as he lets out a huff.

"You're the most beautiful person." You confess longingly, kissing the top of his head as your hands explore the length of his back.

He chuckles breathlessly against your skin, burying his face into the crook of your shoulder, and he sighs, shifting closer to press even more against you. At your compliment, however, he lifts back up to look at you, the pink hue that had been dusted across his cheeks turning even darker.

"You're far too sweet to me..." he says quietly, his eyes meeting yours, and he gently caresses your cheek as those warm, brown eyes of his lock gaze with yours.

You don’t bother with a reply, only turning your head slightly to kiss the inside of his hand, your lustful gaze never leaving his.

A fond smile twitches at the corners of his lips, but that smile slips once more as he leans down again and presses his mouth to yours. His tongue quickly sneaks past his mouth and flicks out to brush against your own, his teeth grazing gently along your bottom lip.

One hand slips down towards your hip, wrapping under you and lifting your hips towards his, and he lets out a quiet, shaky groan at the press he feels against his growing desire.

You happily swallow his groan, flicking your tongue desperately into his mouth. Your hand reaches upwards, settling against his own, which he keeps cradled against your cheek.

"You're s'big..." you moan, feeling him harden against you.

A low groan leaves his mouth as he lets his eyes flutter closed at your words, his cheeks growing warmer at the compliment. The sound of your voice is the only thing registering through the fuzzy haze that had settled into his mind, his body growing warmer and warmer as you press flush against him.

He dips his head back down, his mouth coming to nip and bite at your neck, kissing and laving his tongue over the skin as he works to leave a visible mark.

You wrap your legs around his slim waist, heels digging into his backside to urge him further against you. You lift your hips, arching your back as you rest your head against the bed, panting with want and desire. "Need you..." You repeat, dragging your hand through his hair.

He lets you nudge him, and the feeling makes a dizzyingly overwhelming heat spread in his gut. He groans lowly against your skin; he presses himself and grinds against you as his body begins to move on autopilot. He can feel the heat of your breath against his skin when you whine, and he lifts his head to look at you.

"Say it again..." he orders quietly with a groan.

"Need you, Hiromi... please?" You beg; your voice is high-pitched and whiny. Your skin burns up from the intensity, down to your toes. Your eyes are glassy from unshed tears, and your lips are red and shiny with your combined spit. A slight sheen of sweat had formed on your face and body from the shared heat of your bodies pressed together and your breasts heaving with every breath you took. Your eyes were lidded with want, looking up at him like he had hung the moon and stars in the sky just for you; like he was the only person in the world.

He stares down at you, his breathing ragged and shallow as he takes in the sight of the way you looked, so utterly breathless and undone. The way you mewl up at him, the way your hair splayed out against the pillows, and the feeling of you cupping his cheek make his breath hitch in his throat, and the heat in his gut grow further.

He stares down at you for a few more moments before he dips down to capture your mouth in another kiss, his hands gently resting against your hips.

Hiromi can taste the desperate desire on your tongue as he lets his teeth catch your lower lip and lets his body rest against you, his chest flushed against your soft skin, and he can feel your heat against him, sending a shiver down the length of his spine. His hands slip down to rest against your bare thighs, and he presses in closer, grinding against you in response to the way you arch your back once more.

"Need you inside..." You breathe into his lips, swollen, red, and glossy. "Please?" You plead, your nails digging into the skin of his shoulders.

He shudders as you utter the words into his mouth, and he nods in agreement, biting gently at your lip before he pulls back to look down at you. There's a slight flush on his cheeks, and when his eyes dart down again, he can see just how red- and bruised your lips were because of him.

His breath stuttered at the sight, and he leaned in to press his mouth against your neck, his lips trailing up toward your ear. "Anything you want..." he whispers.

You moan at his words, trailing your hand downwards, wrapping your hand around his cock: red, angry, and drooling down your fingers. It twitches with interest as soon as your skin makes contact with it.

His hips stutter at your hand wrapping around him, and his teeth graze against your earlobe at the sensation, his breathing hitching, and he moans as his body moves on instinct, rolling against your palm in a way that makes his blood burn hotter. His mouth latches against yours, silencing his gasps against your tongue.

You move your hand faster, desperate for more of his reactions before you slow it back down, too impatient to have him inside of you as you guide him towards your drooling pussy.

His body arches against you when you guide him inside; he can hear how his breath stutters when it catches in his throat. He can feel how hot and slicked you are against him. His breath leaves him in short gasps, biting down on your skin as he lets his desire drive him forward, thrusting hard until he’s balls deep inside of you.

"Fuck, baby,” you keen, tossing your head back as you claw at his hips desperately. "'missed this." You gasp, your eyes fluttering at the feel of him stretching you open.

He can feel the heat of your breath against his skin as you moan out for him, and his hands come to grip your hips, his nails leaving behind red lines he knows will turn angrier soon enough. He shudders against you, and his brain feels fogged over as pure need for you washes over him, leaving him in a delirious haze.

The way you say you missed him so earnestly makes him feel dizzy with pleasure, "Missed this too..." he mumbles against your skin.

"Yeah?" You giggle breathlessly, raking your nails through his hair and down his back. "…haah…Did you think about me–" you let out another moan as he began moving his hips. "when you were away?" You kiss his ear.

He buries his face against your neck at your question, groaning as he pushes in further, savoring the way your body feels against him. Your nails against his skin make his breathing shallow, and the sound of your moans makes his head feel too fuzzy, "I thought about you all the time..." he mumbles against your skin, his voice low and shaky.

"Me too." You confess, tightening your thighs around his waist. "Played with my pussy thinking you: at work...in your suit..." You whispered into his ear about your fantasies of him, all the while pressing kisses into his skin.

As you spoke, he could feel the heat pooling in his gut and how your words went straight to his dick, feeling it twitch even more inside you. He groaned as he rocked into you, and his hands on your hips tightened. "Did you really?" he breathes against your skin, biting and sucking against your neck.

You pull his head out from your neck, smiling up at him with a crooked, dopey, cock-drunken grin, your eyes lidded as you bite your lip. You lick a stripe of beaded sweat trailing down his neck up to his jaw, sucking at his skin that you know for sure will leave a mark. You pull away with a pop, satisfied with the blooming reddened skin. He lets out a loud, stuttering gasp.

"Every day," You answer with a huff, looking deep into his eyes with a pleased smile.

He can feel your body beneath him, writhing in response to the way he moves, and it drives him into fucking you harder. He gives a sharp thrust upward, groaning as he lifts one of your legs onto his shoulder as leverage.

You keen again, your mouth falling open in a perfect 'O' as your eyes close shut. "Yes!" You mewl sweetly, your nails digging into his biceps. "Just like that, Hiro." You praise, arching your back further as you chase the intense feeling.

His groans grow louder and more desperate-sounding as you praise him, and the feeling of your nails in his skin makes him whine. He takes the praise to heart as he moves against you, shifting with a new sense of purpose as he gives another sharp thrust upward to press against you.

Your voice grows uncontrollably louder, drawn-out whines and wanton moans spilling from your lips without a single thought in your mind. You couldn't even form the words to praise Hiromi if you tried.

"Don't stop!" You begged, your climax drawing closer and closer.

His fingers dig into your skin as he moves against you, the heat in his gut and the all-consuming sensation spreading across his body, making his breath shallower and his vision start to blur. The way your voice grows more and more desperate leaves him breathless, and your moans drive him even further.

He could feel you tightening around him, making his body burn hotter, and he shudders at the feeling, pressing into you further. The sounds of your combined lovemaking grow louder: the heavy, wet slap of skin against skin, the shameful groans and keens of pleasure, and the panting breaths mingled with the sound of lips smacking against one another. "So perfect..." he manages to gasp out, his voice shaky.

You felt your body pulsating at his praise, pawing desperately at his body in hopes of grounding yourself from the onslaught of pleasure.

"Says you..." You moaned, digging your heels into his lower back.

He groans low in his throat as he presses against you, his head growing dazed from the heat and the feeling of your nails on his skin. He could feel his breathing grow more shallow with each breath he took, his hips beginning to jerk against you. "So perfect for you..." he gasped out, pulling you even closer against himself as he leaned down to press his mouth to your neck.

You weren’t sure whether to laugh or cry at his words, so you opted to moan louder. "M'so close, love." You confessed before your voice cut off, tossing your head back. Your lips fall open in a silent scream as you convulse around him, spraying his lower half in your release. You continued to let out pitched whines and mewls, your eyes rolling back in overstimulation.

He groaned into your neck as your body convulsed around him, the feeling of you squeezing around him making his thoughts grow even more scattered. He whines as he moves against you, not stopping for a second as he tries to ride it out with you.

You’re left breathless, and you struggle to keep still as he moves against you through your orgasm, his name falling from your lips in gasps and moans.

Your voice and stuttering breaths make it hard for him to think, but he leans into you, pushing a hand through your hair to pull you in for a trembling and messy kiss, his mouth moving against yours sloppily. His breath still staggers, and the feeling of you underneath him makes his body grow even hotter as he continues to push, his thrusts becoming sharper and faster as he chases his end.

You practically scream into his kiss, pushing weakly at his lower abdomen even as your hips still chase his. "Inside... please come inside me..." You pant hotly into his ear.

His hands tighten on your hip at your words, his breathing growing shaky, and he buries his face against your neck as he shudders at the way your body feels beneath him, "Want you - want you..." he gasps out against your skin, a moan leaving him as Hiromi moves faster against you, his body almost dizzy with need as he presses against you, his rhythm and pace growing more irregular as his release grew closer and closer.

"Want you too— mmph!... haah... all the time!" You intertwine your hands in his, squeezing it in your grip.

He bites at your skin to muffle the sounds he makes at your words, his hand squeezing against yours. His own pace grows sloppier, his movements jerky as he grows closer to his release, his breath coming out in shaky huffs against your skin as his body shudders with need and pleasure.

"Say my name... fuck!... when you cum, baby." You beg, mouthing kisses against his chin.

He groans into your skin at your words, his breath ragged and more hitched as he gets closer. He presses another kiss against your skin, his breath warm against your face as he huffs out your name against your cheek. He gasps out as his pace grows rougher and quicker before giving a final thrust up against you as he comes undone, his body tense and rigid against you.

You smile widely, biting your lip with a surprised gasp. Feeling Hiromi pulse and shoot ropes inside of you always felt so heavenly, like a reward. You look up at his pussy-drunk expression and giggle, your heart filled with too much love to carry.

"Sounded like a good one." You huff, dragging your nails down his back while your other hand holds his face.

Hiromi buries his face against your neck again as he struggles to catch his breath, his body still pressed against you, and he can feel the way his chest rises and falls from how he struggles to control his breathing. He groans at the feeling of your nails on his back, and his breath hitches when your other hand comes up to hold his face, his expression turning more dazed from your touch as he presses his hand against yours.

He pulls away from your neck, softly panting as he looks down at you with a crooked, sleepy smile. "Yeah... yeah, it was..." he sighs out.

"You're a mess, my love." You sigh, kissing him softly before urging him to roll over onto his back. "Y'should get some sleep." You smile down at him with your own sleepy, fucked-out grin, looking at him with nothing but love and adoration.

He willingly goes when you urge him to, groaning at the feeling of your mouth against his as he rolls over onto his back. He looks up at you affectionately, returning your smile contentedly. "So should you..." he mumbles, reaching out to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear before letting his hand rest against your cheek.

You hum in agreement, snuggling up against him. "Wish we could do that all the time." You mumble sleepily.

He chuckles, one arm wrapping around you and holding you closer against himself, kissing your forehead. "We would die..." he grumbles tiredly, tilting his head to lean his face against yours.

"Not that I'd be against the idea...".

"I'd die pretty happy." You weakly chuckle as exhaustion overtakes you.

He laughs again, the sound of a soft huff of breath against your skin as he nuzzles further against you. "As would I..." he mumbles, his eyes growing lidded and heavier with sleep, his exhaustion catching up with him.

Despite that, he still takes the time to press another soft kiss to your forehead before pulling you in even closer toward him.

"I love you, Hiromi... s’much." You kiss his chest.

He closes his eyes and lets out a deep, tired exhale, smiling as he listens to your words. At your kiss against his chest, his grip around you tightens, pulling you closer to himself as he mumbles out his response against your hair. "I love you too..."

main masterlist, rules

[laf-outloud]

https://www.tumblr.com/laf-outloud/719599290829389824

Jensen Ackles seems too forced when he does anger, too obvious when peeved, too heavy with sarcasm. What kind of acting is that? Maybe it is that it is acting. I don't get the sense that there is anything beneath the surface to explore. He plays a part, rather than becomes the character. I believe the acting Jensen does is considered over-acting without any consideration for the character... it does seem very one-note, at least from what I've seen since SPN. I know he can do better, as even his Dean from early seasons of SPN had a layer of nuance that can only happen by truly understanding the character and his motivations... Unfortunately, the long stretch of SPN either made him lazy or forgetful when it comes to crafting characters and stories.

He's very histrionic when he acts, and it started in the later half of spn. He played Dean so much more nuanced and layered in the early seasons, and more subtle - although Dean as a character was never really "subtle" and that's ok because that's who the character was and it worked for him. As the seasons went on he seemed to get too comfortable and then when the writing took a nosedive, instead of trying to work with the script and still make Dean recognizable as the character we knew, he just went with the script as is and overdid it.

He got comfortable and therefore complacent. He never worked on his craft because he knew he had reliable steady employment for the foreseeable future. Then when spn was coming to an end I think he thought the popularity he found as Dean was going to continue on and he was just going to get offered roles so again, he didn't put any work in (outside of the awful s15 audition reel he tried to work into the show). And now we see where that has gotten him. If he wasn't conventionally good looking and as charismatic as he is, I don't think he would be getting the jobs he's gotten since spn - and he even got all of those by working his connections, but those are going to dry up or move to other positions where they can't help him anymore sooner or later.

I say this all the time when I see his acting nowadays (I watch TB and saw clips from both BS and BG2 online) - when I watch Jensen act I feel like I am watching him think through what he is about to do the second before he does it. I don't see the character, I see Jensen acting (I feel like I am literally watching him do the job rather than play the part). And even then its all mostly just different versions of Dean (which is funny because he seems to have forgotten how to play Dean...).

You're not the first to mention all this, and I doubt the last. I completely agree about the lack of care he took with Dean in the latter seasons of SPN. I think the only times I saw him return to early-seasons Dean were when he was acting against Sam Smith and JDM (and occasionally Jared, though I think he let Jared do most of the heavy lifting when they had emotional scenes).With everyone else, it was just business as usual.

And since then? It's just as you said: "I feel like I am literally watching him do the job rather than play the part." I get the feeling that Jensen also sees these roles as jobs and not an art form, which is why the work he puts into them is so lackluster. The problem is, while putting in the minimum amount of work in other industries can be hidden from future employers, that's not the case with the entertainment industry, where everyone can see how much or how little you care about the "job."

[jamiesfootball]

One of the things that’s been noodling in my head since the finale is how Ted Lasso plays the forgiveness card in regards to the Tartt Sr situation.

Yes, I’ve banged on this drum before. I shall bang on it again. Buh-dum.

Bear with me as I start from the outside and work my way in by first referencing a moment from a different show.

In Leverage, there’s an episode where they convince the guy they’re trying to take down to break out of police custody by making him think he’s in the middle of a deadly epidemic that’s being covered up by the government. The details of this aren’t important, but when Nate is explaining why it worked, he says something along the lines of ‘there’s a part of your brain that’s meant to question and make judgements. What we did was we tapped into the emotional center of his brain, so that he would forget to question anything.’

Now I'm paraphrasing, but this is actually a good summary of how a lot of cons work- they create an emotional story and a sense of relationship, to make you forget to ask ‘wait does this guy just want my money.’ Think of scary voicemails telling you your student loans got sent to collections and you need to call now. Think Nigerian Prince schemes. Think car dealerships.

Because that is the power of a story when the narrative structure follows all the guidelines. You become invested, and you believe the narrative. (This is also why Jump the Shark exists, when a narrative has wobbled so off its tracks that the belief becomes suspended, but I digress.)

So the issue for me with regards to the James Tartt Sr story line, is that from a technical standpoint the wider Story of Ted Lasso did meet the minimum requirements for ‘believable.' My coworker, for instance, absolutely loved how ALL the story lines tied up in the finale, including that one. She couldn’t explain why, she just said it was ‘really nice and it worked for her.’

But I’ll highlight that bit in the middle—she couldn’t explain why—because that’s the thrust of the situation. The Story, from her perspective, told a satisfying emotional conclusion by hitting all the correct points. It essentially did what a con does, and in the resulting emotion she failed to question it.

And I think therein lies the trouble with the Jamie's dad story line. Because it is being told within the scope of a broader narrative, it is allowed to coast on the merits of the rest of the narrative. For three seasons, the show preaches forgiveness and second chances and people having depth, so when it asks you to do it again at the end - with Jamie's dad, hell I'd even say with Rupert for a hot second - you already have within you all the emotional build-up to say 'yes.'

Except that the buildup doesn’t happen with James, or even Rupert, it happens to the people that they hurt. Jamie’s the one who learned how to be better. Jamie is the one who tried to make amends to the people he hurt. Jamie is the one who had to un-fuck his whole life. Jamie earned all of that emotional payoff.

His dad did not.

So the show sells you one emotional story, and at the end shuffles in another to reap the benefits of it.

But just like a con only works as long as you don’t start to question it, the second you question the James Tartt Sr storyline the more you realize how much of that work happened elsewhere in the story.

You know those youtube videos that are cut together scenes of ‘every time This Character talks about Big Plot Point’? Think of those videos. Sometimes they’re a concentrated dose of very high tense moments, but sometimes they’re a little anemic, aren’t they? Sometimes you watch those videos and realize just how much heavy lifting other scenes did just to imply that the narrative was moving forward.

Well if you made a youtube video of ‘all the scenes that mention / have James Tartt Sr in them’ and cut them together, you definitely do NOT get an emotionally satisfying ending. In fact you go from someone who implies that their father is violent, to seeing their father be violent, to seeing their father threaten violence to his kid, to seeing him inflict that violence on someone else in place of his kid, to the kid confiding in someone else that even more fucked up shit happened, to the kid’s mom trying to console him, to the kid literally showing symptoms of PTSD at the idea his father might be around-

-to someone asking him if maybe he should try to let that go

-to their dad being proud of them

-to reestablishing contact

-to a happy montage of them smiling together the end.

At bare minimum there is an entire confrontation missing. And that is minimum. Minimum narrative work said this storyline should have had a climax. But this is a storyline that did not breathe on its own- it relied on a dozen smaller, unrelated, moments to give it the illusion of a satisfying ending.

And since it was weaved in with the rest, to some people – people who were too in vested in the story to question it – that was a great ending. That was a perfect ending.

That’s the illusion of telling a story- people are predisposed to believing the story that is being told, to the point where they will forget to ask questions.

When people talk about this kind of narrative being a dangerous one? That’s where that comes from. That’s what it means. It’s not just that someone depicted a story of someone forgiving their abuser, it’s that the did it in such a way that that isn’t even what happened. Most of the time it is the narrative that forgives the abuser, not the character. The character doesn’t get to scream and cry and let out all the pain they suffered. The character doesn’t get to set boundaries and learn to experience the world safely. The character, often times, isn’t even worth an apology from the person who hurt them.

It isn't the character who gets closure in these narratives; it's the audience who does. And it’s so insidious that it can very nearly trick a person in real life into thinking that maybe they too will get closure if they forgive someone – without ever realizing that in these stories, the narrative was never on their side in the first place.

[zalrb]

y'know I've been seeing the phrase 'chemistry' thrown around a lot lately. like it happened with rob and Zoe with the batman (2022) which you already talked about, it happened with the little mermaid live action (which you also commented on), and now with that new hunger games movie -> everyone is raving about the 'chemistry' between the leads (I haven't seen so I can't really comment). but it just makes me think: is it 'chemistry'? or is it just two hot people on screen breathing the same air?

I think that the word 'chemistry' is overused, do the general audience even know what 'chemsitry' really looks like anymore? I mean yes casting directors still have their actors do 'chemistry reads' but...? I say this because I think back to the posts you made about both rob and Zoe, Halle and Jonah, and now tom and Rachel (from the new hunger games movie, not sure if you will watch). all those actors performed chemistry reads with another for their respective movies, and you would think since the directors saw that chemistry then they must have it right, but after going through your blog, I've been more confused. do directors really look for chemistry, or do they just say "these two look good together, that should be enough to sell the movie"? cause they kinda have a point if that's the case.

I'm sorry I know this ask is like all over the place, but your blog really helped open my eyes, I guess I'm just tired of seeing the word 'chemistry' be thrown around at every 'hot ' couple that graces our screens. guess I would just like to know your thoughts on how the definition of 'chemistry' has changed since the early 2000s media?

sidenote: idk if you're going to watch the new hunger games but, I personally don't think the 2 leads have chemistry. I've only seen clips but from what I've seen they're just mostly 'longing' gazes between them and heavy breathing? I will say that the guy that plays snow is doing the more heavy lifting in scenes with Rachel. for Rachel, this probably just me but I feel like she was miscast for the role (according to sources she did not have to audition, it was just offered to her). in some scenes it does look like she was trying too hard, like she was struggling with some of the emotional beats. its almost as if she was 'insecure' in this role, and that her acting ability was not strong enough to handle the emotional weight of this film, if that makes sense? I would like to know your opinions/thoughts if see the film or watch some clips

OK. So.

First of all, I would like to see the actual chemistry tests and wish they were available because when I watch Sam and Cait's chemistry read, for instance, I'm like, it's obvious that they were going to be lightning in a bottle. LOOK at them.

This makes absolute sense.

So, I wanted to find another chemistry read soI literally just typed it in on youtube and saw TSITP and how they did it over Zoom and then before I watched it, to make sure that that actually happened, I looked it up and the author was like,

"It was the first chemistry read I had done over Zoom and I was like, 'I don't know if this is going to work?'" Han exclusively told E!. "Obviously, it's more enlightening to be in a room with people and see how they connect and see how they look together and what the energy is. But when Han saw Tung and Briney together for the first time, she knew she had found her Belly and Conrad. It really felt like it was popping off the screen right away," she raved, "honestly."

and then I watched it and was like, OK if you think these people are your characters then who am I to tell you they aren't, you wrote them, but were they popping onscreen, though? Were they really? And watching this and then watching the show had me like, no wonder why they frustrated the hell out of me, there's nothing here.

The most I can say is that Chris seems to be a marginally better actor when he's not actually physically interacting with Lola and it actually seems like what was popping onscreen was that they were both exactly who she thought her characters would be like as individuals, but alas, that's just my interpretation of what happened there.

And then there's the chemistry read for To All The Boys I've Loved Before and I watched it like, Noah is charming in it and he's natural and Lana is... keeping up, they're comfortable enough but I wouldn't say there's vibing, it's pretty forgettable, which is what I said about their chemistry in the movies

so I was like, yeah this chemistry read makes sense for what I saw onscreen because it was fine but i wasn't great, it still felt staged and I forgot about them and the movie(s) right after I finished watching it.

So, when directors talk about the chemistry reads I'm like, I want to know what they looked like. Are they Outlander or TSITP?

but it just makes me think: is it 'chemistry'? or is it just two hot people on screen breathing the same air?

And this has always been something I've posed to anons when I used to argue about chemistry.

Do you just like the dynamic?

Are they just attractive?

Does she just have big eyes?

Those seem to be the three questions I asked a lot and I'm inclined to believe that now, directors look for the people who they think look good together and will sell their show/movie based on that because the internet's going to do the rest. Like, initium kept sending me these tweets about the AMAZING. INTENSE. HOT. chemistry between the Bridgerton leads

and I was like ... oh yeah, that fist bump screams sexual tension. Please be serious. Like, Tony and Kerry didn't have chemistry reads and they kind of just hoped for the best but when Shonda talks about how she literally had to leave the stage watching them film something

it's earned in what I'm actually watching onscreen.

I also feel like now, if one person has the intent, and if one person is carrying the dynamic, then that's considered chemistry and it's sufficient.

In terms of seeing the Hunger Games, I know my mom really wants to see it because Viola Davis is in it and I was like, you know she's probably going to be in it for like 3 minutes "I don't care!" so it's probably going to happen sooner or later. I can't find any clips of them just edits and I have a rule about edits.

[ironwoodprotectionsquad]

Rwby ost was always funny af because most of the time songs do a better job at developing characters than the show itself.

And of course add the weird gap between the songs that play and the scene they are inserted into.

Like "Be strong and hit stuff" plays during Ironwood vs Everyone for... some reason. "Chatterbox" (a song about Neo and Curuous Cat internally fighting) plays during Jabberwalkers vs WBY for... some reason. And let's not forget "Red like roses 2" playing during RWBY and JNPR vs Nevermore.

Like... at this point I'm not surprised "Guide my way" has nothing to do with vol9 plot nor Rubys arc in the said vol🤷‍♀️

The RW/BY soundtrack certainly makes....choices. Some songs are good across all 9 soundtracks and others are....their. Overall though I tend to not like it when the songs have lyrics during the battles as for me they can distract from the battle itself with wanting to try and listen to the lyrics because as you said, so often the songs do more of the heavy lifting for characterizing the characters and actually giving us insight into their thoughts and feelings.

But on the other hand so often the songs and their placement makes no sense to what is happening thematically. Unfortunately Guide My Way falls into this trap which is unfortunately because we've been so long due for a song that really focuses on Ruby and Guide My Way...falls kind of flat. (TW suicide and attempted suicide discussions below)

I remember when we first heard the notes from Red like Roses I got goosebumps I was so excited and I loved it and it had my hyped for the whole song...but I've realized I don't like anything but that little instrumental section before the lyrics "Red like roses fills my dreams" that is the best part of the song....and its just Red like Roses. But more importantly the lyrics....don't make sense.

I'm begging, can you Guide my way out Of this place?

This song is what plays when Ruby is supposed to be "finding herself" and regaining her confidence in herself. It doesn't make sense for the lyrics to be begging for guidance. If the volume ended with Ruby still in an emotionally shaky place sure the lyrics could work.

Ruby does chose herself realizing her loved ones would miss her and love her because she is her despite her flaws. However she still feels guilty and lost and clearly needs time to heal. The lyrics then have a duel meaning of seeking both guidance in the physical sense and the emotional sense. However that's not what the show went with so the lyrics go against everything the show is claiming is supposed to be Ruby's arc.

Will I ever be (complete)? When will I become all of me?

Again confusing because this is supposed to be Ruby's finding herself and choosing herself moment....why is she asking if she will ever be complete? As I've said it makes no sense for Ruby to in this moment be having these thoughts, the big thing is she should be feel confident in herself and her abilities again and the show has no indication that Ruby is feeling anything but self assured and confident so the song implying otherwise is odd to me.

Your memory ever-lasting at war with my foolish pride What is left?

The foolish pride part is....admittedly kind of frustrating. All last volume the girls all insisted that they where doing the right thing and never really questioned the morality of their actions. The other make sure to tell Ruby when she doubts their actions that that is just thinking like the super duper evil Ironwood and we can't have that. The show has repeatedly slapped us in the face with the fact that Ruby is totes super perfect and is elevating her to this honestly creepy god like status.

This line teases a story line so many people have wanted to see of Ruby actually acknowledging her faults and failures and growing and improving as a person. Unfortunately this does not happen. The mains continue to act as if they can do no wrong and refuse to sit down and reflect on their actions.

I know it's you and I, when I look inside I'll be who you were and I'll be even more

Again, this is supposed to be about Ruby "choosing herself" why is this song that should be about the moment she did in fact choose herself declaring that Ruby will be who her mother was and given that one of the major things that broke her was this expectation that she would solve everything and was perfect and always happy all the time, having her declare she'll be even more feels....tone deaf is the best word I can think for it.

Cr/wby pretended to write this story about a girl carrying the weight of the world and crumbling under the pressure of it all. But then this song is having her declare after breaking that she would be "even more". Pretending that a person who broke under the pressure would turn around and enforce the pedestal they where put on is absolutely insane to me. Just the callousness of it all especially with how Ruby's break was handled.

Cr/wby had Ruby try to end her life. They had her drink tea that she thought would kill her with Neo telling her the world would be better off without her. Neo broke her by reminding her of her faults and failures and made her think the world would be better off without her. Instead of recognizing this pedestal she was being put on was hurting her, they instead reinforced said pedestal and made sure she know how worthy she was of the pedestal putting her realistically in the exact same situation as she was in before.

I am the reflection of who prevails I'm what inspired the fairytale

As stated above, this is just once again putting Ruby further up on a pedestal and giving her this honestly creepy god like status in how she's being revered and inspiring fairytales. It doesn't make any sense to me and it's frustrating how careless CR/WBY has been with this entire arc.

(I can guide me, I can guide my way out) Guide my way out Of this place

"I can guide me" feels almost like an afterthought that was thrown in at the end to me at least. Why is this line a background line if its supposed to be the moment Ruby fully realizes she is enough? Why not have I can guide my way out be the final line of the song? If the song is supposed to be Ruby's entire emotional journey throughout the volume it doesn't convey well at all given how this feels like such an afterthought. If its supposed to be all about how Ruby has found herself it also falls extremely flat.

Sorry to go on a massive tangent their but I had thoughts lolz.

[a-secret-bolton-vampire]

I have my own criticisms of House of the Dragon, mainly that there isn't much room for certain characters to get good characterization and they could've done with either more episodes of splitting the first and second half into two seasons. I also think the Rhaenys breaking through the floor scene of the Dragonpit just did not make any sense (I mean, disregarding conveniently leaving the greens alive, how did Rhaenys not get crushed from going through the floor???)

On the other hand, there is criticism of the story that feels almost arbitrary or just straight up lying about the source material. For the record, I'm not really on team green or team black, but Fire and Blood gives the blacks all the best characters and the greens are just universally shitty and evil. But honestly, no matter which side each character is on, they are still pretty fucking flat.

Rhaenyra is like a more incompetent Cersei but with a dragon. All the big decisions made by the head of the blacks is made by Jacaerys instead because Rhaenyra is too busy all upset that Luke died to rule effectively (wtf??? Are you serious??? Aegon is actually proactive after Blood and Cheese but both Rhaenyra and Helaena are too emotional to do anything... it's not a good look).

Alicent is like a competent Cersei. I love Cersei, but Alicent is also very much the "bitch stepmother" stereotype and another example of George writing women as being unable to be friends. I'd rather if Alicent wasn't a Cersei clone with a colour scheme change. Then Aegon is just a lazy drunk, and Aemond... Aemond is like a shōnen anime character with all the nuance that implies.

Helaena gets zero characterization, other than "she was beloved, she's not as pretty because she's fat, and then she goes mad and kills herself the end." And then there is Daemon, the pedophilic child murdering power hungry narcissist that George calls "one of the greyest characters," which honestly makes me question if he even knows what moral greyness even is.

In general, the book version of the characters are just all around awful, unlikeable and devoid of nuance or complexity. And if the response is "but that's the point"... then idk what to say other than there is a difference between characters being morally bankrupt and characters being likeable. For instance, I love Daemon! He's one of my favourite characters! I am also aware he is an unrelenting piece of shit. It's part of why I adore him on page (but more so in the show).

The criticism, then, that I've seen, is that House of the Dragon is picking sides, whitewashing Rhaenyra and the blacks and shitting all over the greens. There are also complaints that the show made Daemon too evil and removed all his complexity, and Alicent is too innocent and not nearly as interesting as book Alicent. The thing is... the show characters are infinitely better than the book characters, in every conceivable way, and it pains me to hear people say otherwise.

Yes, the greens are still more villainous than the blacks. It's unavoidable when one of the core beliefs of the greens is "but muh male primogeniture." And yet the show definitely does a ton of heavy lifting to add complexity to the greens. Aemond, Alicent, and yes even Aegon, are given great, sympathetic backstories and are now rich, three-dimensional characters.

Aemond is still edgy. Again, unavoidable given he has an eyepatch (oh my god imagine a fem!Aemond... that's doing things to me). But he was bullied by Rhaenyra's kids as children, and Luke did cut out his eye. Worse still, Luke is never punished for it. So Aemond has good reason to be resentful of the blacks, and of Luke. But the show also makes it clear that the rivalry with Aemond and Luke is basically a very drawn out childhood spat. Case in point, the look on Aemond's face after Vhagar vhagarizes Luke and Arrax. He didn't want Luke dead, he just wanted his eye. And well, when you act like a child with WMDs... doesn't end well.

Aegon is still a piece of shit. The show didn't necessarily "add" him being a rapist, it's implied he's one in the book anyways. But again, the show does incredible heavy lifting for Aegon's character! He's a bad person still, and a villain, but the show expanded upon how Aegon became that way.

From an early age there was a pressure put onto him by Alicent to be prepared to rule. However, he seems to have not been very good at understanding the lessons. Viserys was an absentee father, doted on Rhaenyra but gave little attention to the rest of his children. He is constantly criticized for his faults by Alicent, and he takes Viserys's actions as him thinking he is an unworthy person. That feeling of disappointing his father, wanting his affection that he never gets, turns to self loathing and self-destructive behaviours.

Alcoholism, reckless behaviour (especially sex, he doesn't care about the consent of the women he sleeps with; also running off and hiding when he hears his father is dead), depression, laying in bed all day and having to be forced to wake up... these are not things a person with a good upbringing experiences. Yes, he is privileged, that doesn't help. But when you are so self-hating and do things to actively make yourself feel worse with no time spent thinking of consequences, that is something you see in people who have trauma from childhood abuse.

(I'm familiar with how this works as someone with borderline personality disorder. Neglect, abandonment, and harsh imposing of rules fucks up your ability to lead a normal, happy life. I need to clarify this because people will think I'm defending him, but this isn't a defense, it's an explanation for why he acts this way.)

Only when he's crowned and the crowd cheers for him does he finally feel as though he is loved for the first time. And that, of course, will have dark consequences down the line...

But the best example of lifting the greens to become more likeable and interesting is Alicent. One of the best show changes was making Alicent and Rhaenyra childhood besties. I know not everyone liked this decision, but it was crucial that this change happen for several reasons; 1) Female friendship is so rare in A Song of Ice and Fire. Like, think about it. Cersei has no female friends because she's a misogynist herself. Catelyn seems to only think about women with descriptions of child-bearing hips (wtf??) but at least she has Brienne, I guess, and Lysa hates everyone. We have some examples of actual friendship between women, but it's pretty rare. 2) It makes Alicent more sympathetic. This is huge because Fire and Blood gives her pretty much nothing. Making her younger, and have less agency, with a neglectful father, allows for her to be more understandable and complex. 3) It makes the rivalry between her and Rhaenyra all the more tragic. They are great friends (history might even call them "good friends") who are driven apart because of the misogynistic society they live in, which is very fitting for the themes of the story.

Yes, Alicent is whitewashed in the show. But, and this might be controversial, whitewashing isn't necessarily a bad thing. The fact Alicent has less agency is also fitting with the themes of the story. Making the story centered around both her and Rhaenyra's relationship is interesting and honestly, for the better. Aegon and Rhaenyra, both in book and show canon, don't interact much. They just hate each other. Making it about Alicent and Rhaenyra adds more emotional intensity to it all. And again, focus on the relationships of female characters is imo, a good thing!

Alicent and Rhaenyra are absolutely incredible character foils too. Both have lost their mothers. Rhaenyra is allowed much more freedom by her father. However, Alicent isn't given much freedom by her father. Rhaenyra indulges in the pleasures of life, but Alicent sacrifices that to be a dutiful wife and queen. Rhaenyra wants to break barriers on gender norms, while Alicent has internalized misogyny and believes in male primogeniture. When Viserys dies, it is Alicent and Rhaenyra who try to keep things peaceful and diplomatic, whereas the men in their lives (Otto and Daemon, respectively) do everything they can to push for war.

Finally, it is implied by Rhaenys that Alicent is using Aegon as a way to have power on the Iron Throne. Very hard to get into this briefly (I've already gone on so much longer than I wanted to), but I think she can both believe in male primogeniture and be resentful that she doesn't get the same power that Rhaenyra does. In this way, she is somewhat using Aegon as a way to get to power.

Compare this with Rhaenyra and Daemon. Rhaenyra is Viserys's chosen heir. Daemon is resentful that he was no longer the heir, and it's pretty clear that he wanted to marry Rhaenyra to get closer to the Iron Throne as well. As much agency as Rhaenyra has, she is still being used by the men in her life. And this is where we segue into the final topic of this; House of the Dragon's portrayal of Daemon Targaryen.

I already feel like I'm going to inflame a fandom war given everything I've said, but I'm going to say it anyways! Daemon is my favourite character in the show. Seriously, he's so fucking good! He is an absolute joy to watch onscreen. He is exactly how he is in the books; charismatic, mercurial, violent, impulsive, and cruel. You never quite know what he's thinking, what he's going to do, how he's going to fuck shit up.

On the other hand, there is some disappointment that Daemon is made perceptively more evil in the show. We know of a few scenes that showcase Daemon's humanity that the show cut. The most likely reason is simply for time and pacing purposes. I don't think there is secretly a conspiracy to make Daemon look worse (honestly it's a bit absurd to think this). And even if those scenes were added, it wouldn't change the fact that Daemon is not a morally grey character, and in fact, one of the central villains of this story.

He canonically loves taking girls virginity. The book makes it clear it's like, young teen girls. The show has only a throwaway line that Mysaria could bring him "a maiden," which is likely reference to that. Daemon is also the Commander of the City Watch. He's the coppiest cop that ever copped. ACAB includes the gold cloaks, all of them, including Daemon. They are all bastards, but Daemon is known for his sadistic pleasure of inflicting cruel punishments onto criminals.

He hurts his brother, repeatedly. He makes fun of Baelon's death the night of his funeral. He steals a dragon egg, lies about Mysaria getting pregnant, just to get Viserys's attention, and when Otto comes he nearly instigates a war against Viserys before Rhaenyra intervenes to stop the two. Mysaria is very much not happy about being used, as she easily would be killed, and Daemon knows this, he's not stupid.

When he learns Viserys is sending him help, Daemon gets so fucking pissy he beats the messenger to death because he wants to prove himself and not be helped by his big brother. He returns to King's Landing and reconciles with Viserys... except no, he hasn't. Viserys welcomes him with open arms, is jovial, loving. And Daemon repays that kindness by grooming and seducing his daughter, ruining her reputation, and then has the nerve to ask to marry her just so he can be close to the Iron Throne.

Daemon murders his wife. Is bold enough to almost kiss Rhaenyra in front of Viserys at her wedding. Doesn't allow Laena to go home. Rejects Viserys's help again at her funeral. Just murders a guy at court before the king. Goes more than a little mad upon Viserys's death, ignores Rhaenyra's commands, does everything he can to instigate war, and even strangles Rhaenyra.

In no universe does this ever get justified as "but he really does love his family." If he loved his family, he wouldn't hurt his brother so much over and over and over, for years. Sure, he probably loved him in his own way, but the way he treats Viserys and Rhaenyra is absolutely abysmal. He's a terrible brother, a terrible husband, and would make a terrible king.

This doesn't even cover Blood and Cheese, one of the most disturbing things any character has ever done (he wasn't there but he's responsible for it). Him killing Aemond at the end isn't even close to a redemptive act. That one act does not wash out the inordinate amount of evil things he's done.

I know I made a post recently about how love is love and it shouldn't be turned into something dark and sinister, but there are exceptions. If you ship Rhaenyra and Daemon, good for you! I don't really care what people do. But this relationship is pretty obviously abusive. More obvious in the book but still present in the show, Daemon groomed and sexually abused Rhaenyra. He does seem to like her, in some way. He has genuine affection for her, no doubt. He can both be using her and care for her at the same time.

But just because he loves her doesn't mean he won't hurt her. Look at how he hurts Viserys. It's why I really don't think Daemon strangling Rhaenyra in the show was "character assassination." It fits perfectly with the character that has been established. Sure, more moments of humanization would've been nice, but it wouldn't change the fact he is, and has always been supremely evil, book or show.

I know I just shat on Daemon a ton, but he is still my favourite character. He's such a joy to watch, he is undoubtedly complex and entertaining, and he has such charisma and swagger, played expertly by Matt Smith. But there is really no excuse for his actions. You can enjoy villains all you like, nothing wrong with that. We just can't excuse them to justify why we like them. Villains are very fun, and often get to be more dynamic than heroes!

So now comes the end of my mini-essay... this is just half-cobbled together stream of consciousness crap, because I got a little ticked off at how many people just say things about House of the Dragon "ruining characters." Some of these characters are George's. Some of them aren't; they are way better.

(I didn't even get to talk about Viserys! The second best character in the show and one George openly has said was better than his version.)

[cerisesakurainspring]

Iwaizumi's Route #trois

Graduation Day: Iwa's POV

I tried to think of things unrelated to the turbulent of complicated emotions swirling wildly in me, but the anchors of misery kept me chained at the bottom of the sea of melancholia.

In frustration, I kicked at a snowball and watched it fall on the frozen water.

"Everyone's looking for you."

I lifted my head in surprise at Celeste's voice. She had an uneasy smile as she paused beside me. "They said they'll wait for us at the okonomiyaki place."

"I see." I felt my heart scream fervently at her closeness, and I had to turn away. "Then let's go."

I was stopped by her delicate hand clutching my uniform sleeve. "Are you okay?" She asked, concern evident in her voice.

I hummed and forced a smile. "After you." I gestured at the open space with my left arm.

"You look sad." She ignored my attempt to escape.

"I'm just feeling sentimental for the end of an era. Who would have thought graduation would make one feel nostalgic?" The fake smile on my face was getting difficult to maintain.

She lightly nodded in understanding, "Is it about Too-chi?"

"I guess." I chuckled lightly. Nothing escapes her attentive eyes. "I guess I can't believe one of my best friend is moving to another country so soon, when you have just returned too."

"Do you want to cry?" Her innocent question was devoid of judgement but rather an invitation for me to be vulnerable and honest with my emotions.

I shook my head and watched the edge of the frozen river crack from the pressure of the current underneath its thinning layer of ice.

"It does make me feel quite melancholy. He's always expressed his interest in going international with volleyball. I just hoped it wouldn't be too soon." I let out.

"It hits differently, right?" she lightly dusted something off my uniform, and I looked at her inquiringly, but she kept staring at my grad pin quite pensively. "The three of us may be childhood best friends, but you two grew up alongside each other."

A slight envy crossed her eyes momentarily, but she continued, "I would admit, I'm a bit jealous because I've missed out on so many years with you two. If I hadn't moved to Australia, we would have made many more memories before we parted ways again."

I couldn't help but feel sad at her forlorn look.

"Fate doesn't care for what the heart desires," I said bitterly, "It does as it pleases."

"That's why you must be the maker of your own destiny." She countered.

I wish it'd be that easy, I thought internally. "What if fate prevents you from your destiny?"

"Then you fight it with all your might." She looked at the sky and continued, "If it doesn't change anything, then that is it. At least you've fought well for what your heart desired."

Her blue orbs returned their attention to me, pulling me into the abyss of yearning.

A sense of ambivalence settled around me like a heavy fog, making the road ahead more uncertain than before.

The silence dragged on, and I was grateful for the quietude until she suddenly brought up a topic I wanted to avoid. "Why did you run away after kissing me?"

The question brought upon an image of her wrapped in Tooru's embrace, a scene I have desperately tried to forget.

"I'm sorry, Ce-chi, but I'm not in the right headspace right now. Can we talk about it next time?"

"Next time?" Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. "Why are you like this?! Are you playing me?!" She pounded both her arms at my chest.

Her sudden anger sent a spiral of emotions to rage within me.

"You think you are being selfless, but you're really hurting the people around you."

I frowned at her statement.

I'm selfish?

"Do you think it's easy for me?!" I grabbed both of her hands to still them. "You have no idea how much torment gnaws at me every day."

"Seeing you so close with Tooru. I shouldn't care, you know. He's also your best friend, after all, but every day part of me just dies. I wish I could numb it. I hope I can be happy for you two. I wish I could give you my full support, but all I truly want is for you to choose me. You don't know how much my heart aches for you, how much it breaks when the two of you.." I paused at her smiling face and couldn't help but feel my temper boil. "Why are you smiling?"

Her eyes glazed with what looked like relief and joy. Before I could make sense of why her mood suddenly changed, she pulled on the collars of my uniform and intertwined her lips with mine.

My eyes widened at the abrupt gesture, and the embers I had despairingly tried to smother fanned themselves to life. Those flames of longing burned through every inch of me.

I ached to kiss her back, but my conscience held me by the neck. Instead, I closed my eyes tightly and relished the softness of her lips.

I didn't pull away. I waited for her to.

"Do you not like my kisses?" she breathed out.

"I do." I didn't care for the tremor in my voice as I loosened her grasp on my collar. "I just can't."

I wasn't sure if she heard the last part because of how small my voice was.

"Ce-chi, I'm sorry, but Tooru.."

"Does not like me that way." she interrupted and sighed frustratingly. "Wow, you're quite dense, aren't you."

My frown deepened, "I'm certain he does."

"Then you are mistaken."

"You know he does. You've been much closer lately, no?" The memories of them filled my heart with ache.

"We were vexing you into confession!"

"What about when he was hugging you there?" I said at the same time and pointed at the edge of the river bank.

"He was trying to comfort me because you ran away after kissing me, you idiot!!" she screamed in exasperation.

Slowly, the cogs in my brain started to put two and two together. My eyebrows knitted at the overwhelming realization. Tooru isn't in love with her?

My heart raced madly like it was ready to escape from my chest.

Celeste's eyes became watery, and she bit her lips to prevent a sob. The look tugged at my heart, and I internally berated myself for the unnecessary pain I made her go through.

She looked down, and strands of her hair fell, covering a part of her angelic face.

I grasped her hair with shaking hands and brushed it past her shoulders as my hand found its way behind her neck.

Without giving her time to react, I crashed my craving lips into hers, hunger expressed with every kiss.

I poured all my unspoken emotions into it, and she responded with the same eagerness as she wrapped her arm around my head and clasped my hair with the other, while I snaked my left arm around her waist, bringing her closer.

The warm feeling enveloped me with euphoria, and I deepened the kiss.

Her wet lashes brushed on my cheeks, and my thumb caressed the tears of joy away.

I didn't want to disconnect my lips from her, but sadly, we were both running out of breath.

We separated briefly, and she put a finger on it before I could reconnect my lips with hers.

"Are you going to run away again?" She asked in hiccups.

I struggled to find the right words to say and instead kissed her lips once more. It was less intense but more passionate this time before wrapping her in a warm hug. I buried my face on top of her head, inhaling the sweet scent that felt like home.

A sense of relief washed over me, and I felt my shoulders relax in her embrace.

At that moment, I knew I was exactly where I was meant to be.

~~Excerpt from Courting Victory

[primofate]

Heyy how are you I want to ask if u are willing to make a hc for xiao and child and who ever u want when they ignore they oc for lumin/aether and they're oc think they are tired of them with happy ending. Thanks and have a nice day

Sorry it took so long!!!! Sorry though anon, I’ll do Xiao first and then Childe later (Xiao turned out longer than expected XD)

Characters: gn! reader x Xiao

Headcanon/Short Fic? Turned out longer than I intended lol.

Warnings: slight angst, maybe a lot. idk. Not proofread. Fluff in the end. F word.

Masterlist:

https://primofate.tumblr.com/post/653296890583154688/masterlist-for-mobile-version-main-links

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If you’d like to be extra sweet and donate, here’s my kofi link: 

https://ko-fi.com/primofate

Xiao

“Xiao, how about today? Are you free today?” You’ve been asking him if he’d wanted to take a nice relaxing walk with you for a while now. You think that he’s been working too hard and needed more breaks.

“...Not today,” he doesn’t even look at you when he’s saying this. His eyes are glued to the archway leading into Wangshu Inn.

You know who he’s waiting for and lo and behold, Lumine comes strolling in, just passing the archway and Xiao straightens up. 

You really don’t have anything against Lumine but you also can’t help the slight jealous streak bubbling up from the pits of your stomach

“...Okay. Be careful then,” you don’t say much other than that, not expecting a lot but, as if sensing your unease he turns to you, thoughtful gaze on his face. You stare back at him and tilt your head in slight wonder.

He lifts his hand to barely graze your cheek, the tips of his fingers tickling it. “I’ll be back,” and the next moment with a slight whistle of the wind, he’s gone. When you look down at the archway of Wangshu Inn, he’s standing next to Lumine already.

You take a moment to watch the scene and turn away to go back to Liyue, a heavy feeling in your chest. 

For the next few days you get busy with some paperwork for your job. You hadn’t passed by the inn in a few days. “...Not that Xiao’s free, anyway,” you tell yourself and keep at it during work. You get frequent headaches at work when you stress out too much and so you do make it a point to try and de-stress once in a while or take short breaks.

“He must like Lumine a lot... or something...” You think to yourself one day while looking out your window and up at the moon. “...Or he just... doesn’t care about me anymore...” You blink as a picture of Lumine flashes in your mind’s eyes. “...She is kinda pretty... and strong... and capable...”

You feel yourself getting slightly depressed so you stop thinking about it and go on with your daily tasks.

After a week has passed you were busy at work when there’s suddenly a commotion at the front desk. “Uh, Y/N, there’s someone looking for you...” your co-worker says, pointing at the entrance of the shop, a perturbed look on her face. 

You wonder who it could be and stroll up over there and to your surprise Xiao is glaring at you like you’d done something wrong, arms crossed and everything. “Where were you?! You didn’t come for a week!” Your other co-workers loitering around glance at you and him.

You blink, shocked at his outburst, “Oh, I... was busy,” Xiao seems to let out a long sigh and turns around, “Come walk with me for a bit,” he demands and you get slightly annoyed that he can just stroll in there and demand what he wants and yet you can’t even get a moment with him when YOU want to.

“I’m not on break, so no,” you hold your ground and step back, he twirls around, his turn to be shocked at your refusal. You never refused to spend time with him. He keeps quiet but searches your gaze. “Alright I’ll wait till you’re done then,” he’s about to walk away but you’ve just about had it.

“You don’t have to do anything for me... You’re better off spending time with Lumine, I’m not that interesting,” You say before you could think about it. Your co-workers are watching the scene unfold but before Xiao can say anything you’ve turned around and disappeared into the back of the shop.

Xiao is even more shocked, you were always good-natured and he’s left standing there in the middle of the shop slowly realizing that he might have fucked up somewhere. He gives your co-workers a dirty glare though before stalking off and waiting outside your workplace for the rest of the day.

“Oh... You’re still here,” You were secretly hoping he still was but you were also extremely tired and could feel the dull pain of a headache starting. 

Xiao is silent again but gives you a once over. Then he fumbles with something in his pocket and hands you a vial with some liquid in it. You blink down at it but receive it, turning the small glass around in your hands.

He finally offers an explanation, turning his gaze away from you. “...The traveller said there’s a flower up on the mountains that helps with headaches...” he gives a slight pause here. “It was a little difficult to gather so it took a few days but... we got enough and turned it into an ointment,”

You’re taken aback. So... all those times were actually...“You... For me?” You look up at him, clutching the vial carefully, getting teary eyed at the emotional roller coaster of a week you’ve had.

He senses your distress and turns his eyes towards you once again and just gives a small nod. You suddenly feel guilty and let a few tears fall, not exactly crying but just on the edge of it. “I’m sorry Xiao, I thought--”

“Idiot,” he grabs your arm and pulls you closer to wipe away your tears. You manage to breathe out a small chuckle as he does so. He already knows what you were worried and upset about. “....I’d never replace you,” 

It was so soft that you might have missed it if you didn’t listen carefully, but you heard it and a smile forms on your face, you lean in to kiss him on the cheek “Thank you Xiao!”

A slight pink forms on his cheeks, there wasn’t a lot of people this late at night but it still got him shy. “Wh-Whatever, just try it out and let me know,” he crosses his arms again and starts walking away but you follow him happily.

“I’ll try it out now, can we take a quick stroll right after?” You ask, falling in step next to him. This time, he agrees. And although he acts tough and everything through the night stroll, you’ll suddenly notice that you’ve been holding hands by the end of it.

“Don’t disappear like that again, even if you do I’ll come looking for you,”

Taglist: @larkspyrr @outlet-0

[solohux]

There is a lot of fics where kylo brings an abandoned baby home ( honestly that sounds like a kylo thing to do lol) but imagine if hux Was the adopter! Could you please write hux coming back from a mission with a baby he found and he diden’t have the heart to leave her alone?

Kylo isn’t used to this.

The main hangar bay of the Finalizer is bustling with officers and stormtroopers in a moving sea of grey and white as the successful entourage from a mission on Jiraau are welcomed back and the crew disembark, receiving salutes from all of their comrades for taking out another rebellious faction and once again proving that order is above chaos.

But General Hux is nowhere in sight.

He was the commanding officer leading the assault on the Jiraau rebels, having conquered the planet’s wild terrain on various missions when he was a lieutenant; it only made sense for Hux to lead the ground assault this time too. Before the departure, Kylo remembers seeing an excitement in Hux’s eyes, one that only came with the thrill of battle. He’d unpacked his twin blasters from their velvet-lined box from underneath his bed and strapped them to his thighs in their holsters, and Kylo could only watch with hungry eyes and a lightly ajar mouth as Hux slid his slender fingers over his hips and thighs before caressing the blasters.

But now, Kylo finds himself biting his lip with concern, teeth digging into his skin whilst his gaze searches through the Force for his beloved. His presence is nearby but it’s hazy, as though Hux’s mind is filled with a concoction of emotions that are making him too difficult to read. Kylo clenches his fists, making his leather gloves squeak under the pressure of his anger. Despite his heavy and domineering presence, Kylo passes through the officers like a shadow; they’re all too focussed on celebrating with each other than to notice the skulking form of their agitated leader.

The proud, modified shuttle that carried Hux’s alpha squadron to victory is being tended to by a couple of droids, all beeping and whistling to each other as they work to patch up any scorch marks on the ship’s exterior and run diagnostic on the engines.

“Niney,” Kylo says, squatting down to his favourite BB-unit. The little black droid whistles happily and bumps its head against Kylo’s knee in an affectionate gesture but Kylo can only focus on his missing love. “Where is General Hux?”

BB-9E gives a few pondering beeps before he rolls past Kylo and towards the ramp of the stationary shuttle. The ball-shaped droid may struggle to get up the steep incline but he does so nonetheless, beckoning Kylo to follow him with little gestures of his head.

The shuttle is meant to be empty and yet there’s still the soft warm glow of the overhead lights in the passenger’s wing as well as some hushed whimpering sounds. Instinctively, Kylo’s hand lingers over his lightsaber but Niney’s angry beeps deter him from actually grabbing it and igniting it. The droid presses on, leading Kylo towards the light and gentle, unfamiliar sounds of cooing.

When the two come to the doorway into the passenger’s wing, Kylo freezes.

Hux is nestled on one of the benches, looking a little worse for wear. His face has scratches and mud on it whilst his hair is tousled and out of place in a very un-Hux-like manner but the most alarming thing about the entire scene is the small baby cradled in Hux’s unyielding arms. She can’t be more than a couple of months old, still tiny as though neglected. But despite her size, she looks calm and content to be rocked and fussed over by Hux.

“I thought we agreed no pets,” Kylo says, lifting and removing his helmet gingerly and setting it down on the bench.

Hux looks up and smiles—smirks—and relief floods Kylo’s veins that his General is truly okay despite not disembarking with the rest of his crew.

“She’ll be no trouble,” Hux jokes, adjusting the blue blanket around the baby’s head so that her soft tufts of brown hair can be seen. “I’ll make sure she’s looked after. Fed and watered and I’ll even take her out for walks.”

Kylo chuckles, momentarily forgetting that it isn’t a Loth Cat in Hux’s arms but a real baby so when the reality of the situation settles on his shoulders, he finds himself needing to sit down.

Hux gives BB-9E a pat on his head, “Thank you, Niney. You can go back to your duties now.”

The BB unit beeps happily and rolls away, returning to his important post.

Kylo raises an eyebrow, “Did you ask him to keep guard?”

“I just asked him to make sure that you knew where I was,” Hux replies. “I wanted you to meet her before anyone else.”

“Who is she?”

“An orphan.” Hux gently touches her little cheek, brushing away a stray tear. “We were coming away from the battleground, a junkyard, when I heard a strange noise. I couldn’t leave until I’d found out what the sound was. How could it have possibly been a child? We were in the middle of a ship graveyard and yet there she was, lying in a transparent durasteel pod with no one around. She was so tiny and so alone. I couldn’t leave her, Ren. I couldn’t.”

Kylo doesn’t need the Force to sense the despair in Hux’s mind as the memories of him finding the baby resurface and cause him hurt. He cuddles the little bundle close to him and kisses her head, rocking her softly.

“It’s okay,” Kylo says, shuffling closer to his beloved until their hips touch.

“It’s not,” Hux replies. “What do I know about raising a child? How could I possibly look after her? I can’t give her what she needs. My own father was—”

“You are not your father, Armitage,” Kylo says, placing a firm hand on Hux’s knee. “She needs you. She needs you to be the father that you didn’t have.”

Hux goes quiet, gently touching the hair on her head, with clear and projecting thoughts about ending anyone who dares harm it. Through the Force, Kylo can sense Hux’s mind combing back through vicious memory after vicious memory, remembering the way Brendol would berate and abuse him at every given opportunity. He cuddles his new baby closer to him as those memories fade and he turns to Kylo.

“Oh, Ren,” Hux sighs, looking into Kylo’s deep eyes with regrettable sorrow. “I’m sorry, my darling. We’re going to separate, aren’t we? I can’t ask this of you. I can’t ask you to do this with me.”

“You can,” Kylo says softly, cupping Hux’s cheek. “And I will. We’re one, aren’t we?”

“So you tell me,” Hux pouts. “Something about soulmates in the Force.”

“You’re my darkness and my destiny,” Kylo says, stealing a quick kiss. “The Force has shown me that time and time again. And now she’s here too, a part of you. A part of me.”

Hux’s eyes brim with joyous tears though he tries to hide them as he looks back down at the sleeping baby in his arms. Kylo follows and stares at her too, searching for a signature for her in the Force.

She’s there, in his circle, with Hux, like glowing embers in his heart and mind. He’ll protect them with everything he has because they’re his family; Kylo Ren, of all people, knows that blood does not make family.  

[whatissleepeven]

Okay so imagine the brothers are offered back their divinity if they kill the MC. How would they react? (Oh or for more angst- get back Lilith in exchange for MC’s life?)

Ohohoho, is this angst hour I sense? Thank you for this ask, and I’m...sorry in advance for the heavy feelings-

(Me: Okay angst time, time to play the appropriate song

*begins playing Spiderman Pizza Delivery Theme*

Me: let’s begin)

Trigger Warnings: Panic Attack (Beel’s Prompt), PTSD Symptoms (Also Beel’s Prompt), Talk of Loss

----------------------------

Obey Me! Brothers’ Reactions To An Ultimatum

Lucifer

Well, he certainly does think about it.

No, not about the divinity...but about Lilith.

They could have her back in their lives? All for the price of one human?

This human, who has caused him nothing but grief and throws themselves head-first into danger.

If this was towards the beginning of the program, he’d be more inclined to take it-

But he doesn’t.

He can’t do that to you. Not you. You, who had repaired their broken family. You, who had seen all of their flaws and strengths and passions and fears and embraced them.

You, who continues to smile so brightly and say his name with utmost faith in him.

He lowers his arm. You look fearful, but...resigned. Like it will be fine, like it was okay if he killed you.

He hates it.

“Does your life matter to you that little?”

You smile sadly, and a small portion of him wants to scream. No no no, it cries out, this isn’t how you’re supposed to be! Your smiles aren’t supposed to be full of sorrow!

“Your sister meant-...means a lot to you. To all of you. Who am I to take that away, huh?”

He walks over to you, his steps measured. You close your eyes, waiting for the killing blow-

A weight settles on your head, giving it a few rubs. “You are worth more than you could ever know. Remember that.”

He continues to walk, heading out the door. A few tears drip from your face onto the floor.

He could care less about his divinity. If he had to choose here or the Celestial Realm, he’d much rather stay here. He knows, deep in his heart, that Lilith lived a long and successful life.

You, however, are irreplaceable.

Mammon

“H-Hey...ya gotta be kidding me.”

“Well?” You grin, holding your arms out. Your stance is peaceful, like all you’re asking for is a hug. But he knows better.

Divinity and Lilith? All for killing-...

For killing you?

He hates this. He hates the look in your eyes, hates the trust you’re showing him, and hates your bleeding heart that’s just waiting to be taken for granted. Hell, it already has been taken for granted.

“What do you think you’re doin’, playin’ the hero? Wanting to sacrifice yourself? You think that’ll make us happy?!” Tears gather in the corners of his eyes.

You lower your arms, shocked. “Wha-”

You let out a small oomph as he tackles you into a hug, pulling you close.

“You’re trembling, ya idiot.” He mumbles, and you feel something wet drip onto your shirt. He’s crying, you realize. He’s crying because this hurts him.

“Mammon...I-”

He pulls back to clamp his hands down onto your shoulders. “Save it!” He barks forcefully, making you blink. “Ya really thought I’d give all this up? For something that’s already happened? I like what we got goin’ here. My brothers like this life way better than the ones we had in the Celestial Realm. Everyone’s happier lately, and it’s ‘cause of you.”

The minute trembling that ran through your body before returns in full force, tears pooling forth as you grip his shirt. He pulls you back into the hug, and you feel safe. That’s right; he’s your number one protector, the Avatar of Greed.

How could you forget that?

He grins, reaching a hand up to ruffle your hair in a playful manner. You laugh thickly, your tears still falling. “You’re stuck with the Great Mammon, and don’tcha forget it!”

Because you are his priceless treasure. Not Lilith, not some stupid divinity...

You.

Leviathan

Leviathan has always been the outcast.

His passions, his fears, his confidence...All of those are wildly different from his brothers’. He’s not as close as Beel and Belphie are, or as Lucifer and Mammon are, or as Asmo and Satan are.

He’s the black sheep of the family.

“Y-You’re leaving it up to me...?”

You nod. Oh, how he wishes this was just a run-through of an anime script. You two would spend long hours into the night reading the lines and acting them out, repeating each scene until it was done flawlessly.

But reality is far too cruel.

“It’s your family. Your story. I’m just a side character, if you will.”

Your smile is cynical. He wants nothing more than to throw his spare Ruri-chan blanket around your shoulders and force you to marathon the entire series of “I Love My Best Friend But I Get Everything Back If I Kill Them...I Have A Choice To Make!”.

He takes a step forward. Then another. “You...Why would you do that?”

You laugh, a warm sound that serves to make his stomach knot with dread.

“Because I love you guys, why else?”

Silence. He doesn’t know what to say. What’s the right thing to do? What can he do, with his small confidence?

He’s struck with a memory, of the two of you gaming in his room. He had felt terrible due to his brothers critiquing his love for anime to the point he started to berate himself for it, and you merely patted his shoulder while telling him words he’d never forget.

“There’s things only you can do, Levi. So when you start to overthink...just feel, and let your body handle the rest.”

It’s time to take you up on your advice.

“Ghk-!” You stumble as he lunges at you, the both of you toppling to the floor. He’s crying, clinging to you like a lifeline.

“I-I could never kill the Henry to my Lord of Shadows...Every Lord of Shadows only has one Henry...!!”

Leviathan has always been the outcast. He still is, but when he’s with you he feels like he belongs.

Satan

“No.”

“...Huh.” You blink at him. You’re not sure if you heard him right. Did he just-...say “no”?

“No.” He says again, his eyes narrowing. “Please tell me you’re joking about this.”

Why? Why would you throw away your life like that? For their “happiness”? Give him a break.

“What do you think you’re accomplishing by doing this?” His voice starts quiet, growing in volume as he steps towards you. You backpedal, not expecting the angered response, which only serves to fuel his fury.

“Do you think it’d make us happy? Do you think we’d jump at the chance to sacrifice you for something that’s better long forgotten? Do you really think so little of us? Well? ANSWER ME!!”

You flinch as he gets in your personal space, only to freeze when arms wrap around you and squeeze you tight.

“I was born from Lucifer’s wrath, the only bona-fide demon among my other brothers. For a long time, all I knew was anger and hate,” he whispers, stubbornly refusing to look at your shocked gaze. “I began to read to learn more, to be able to feel other emotions. But the anger and hate stayed, concealed by the thin veil I constructed to make myself more likeable. More polite. More charming.”

He wanted nothing to do with Lucifer. He wanted it so bad it hurt. So he built himself a brand-new personality, becoming someone others could rely on, all so he could spite him.

And then you came along.

Your eyes water as you realize that you feel him shaking. “I never met her, you know, but I’ve seen her through his eyes. I feel his lingering pain, and sometimes it makes me want to tear my own chest out,” he says, voice wobbling. “But to ask you to do that...to give you up for something I have no right to feel upset about...it’s something I won’t do. Ever. Not when you saved me.”

You rest your hand on his back as you return the hug, a choked sob escaping you. “Satan, I-”

“You saved me.” He whispers fervently. “Do you understand? That means everything.”

You claw the back of his shirt, your breath hitching as you succumb to your tears. You both end up falling to the floor, hugging each other like your lives depend on it.

He doesn’t need divinity he’s never had. No, not when he has you.

Asmodeus

“Oh, love...you...”

He could go back? He could go back and get his little sister back?

But if he did, then you’d-...you’d...

“I know how much you miss being the Jewel of the Heavens.” You say, sitting next to him. It’s supposed to be a quiet night, one where you both relax and take care of each other, but then this opportunity appeared and-

He...didn’t know what to do.

- No, that was a lie. He knew exactly what to do. There was only ever one option for him.

“I’m hurt.”

You look over at him, surprised. His voice is small and he’s pouting, but there’s a tremble in his bottom lip as his eyes shine with unshed tears.

“I’m hurt, you know!” He repeats, and by now you’re pretty sure your mouth hangs open. “I’m hurt that you’d think so low of me!”

You scramble to explain. “Asmo, that’s not-”

“But it is!” He cries, interrupting you. “It’s exactly that! Did you think I would actually take that chance?!”

Your eyes soften. You go to place a hand on his shoulder, only to still when he slaps it away. “...Asmo.”

He throws himself at you, wrapping his arms around your neck as he clings to you. You don’t have the heart to throw him off, wrapping your own arms around him.

“We’ve come all this way because of you.” He murmurs against you. “And you’re the only one who loves me for me. Although, my looks are definitely a strong point-”

You chuckle weakly, feeling your own tears start to fall. He smiles once he hears you, happy to know that he lifted your mood even if it was just by a little.

“-if I gave you up, these past years would have been for nothing. So, no; I won’t do it. Besides, have you seen the following I have down here? I’m on my way to becoming the Jewel of Devildom!”

You move one hand to rest on his head, a warm smile spreading across your face. You don’t notice how he looks at your expression with awe and adoration, giving his head a few pats.

“I know you can do it.”

Well. With you by his side, he can do anything.

Beelzebub

This isn’t happening. This- This can’t be happening.

Not again...not again...!

He grasps his chest and stumbles back from you, and he hears the way you call his name with worry in your voice. You sound far away, he thinks to himself. Are you already dead? Where is he? Did he fail again? Is this the Celestial War? Maybe that’s why he smells iron, hears screaming, hears himself screaming. It’ll explain the pain at least, and he would chuckle if he wasn’t too busy gasping for air.

Ah, his heart feels like it’s on fire it hurts so bad. Is it tearing itself in two? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know what to do...he doesn’t know who to choose-

It hurts. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. It hurts...!

“Beel, can you hear me? Take deep breaths. Okay? Please, breathe!”

- Huh?

He feels something on his face. What is that?

Oh, this warmth...It’s almost like-

Your name falls from his lips. You sigh in relief, sitting back.

“I’m glad you’re okay. How do you feel?”

How do you feel? You just said it was okay if he chose his angel status and Lilith over you, and you’re asking him how do you feel?

He lowers his hands, frowning at you. “...Why did you ask me?”

His voice is small. Fragile. Your heart breaks at the sound of it, tears building as you see his form shake.

“Why did you ask me, when the last time I did something I murdered my sister?”

You pat his arm, reaching a hand over to give him a side hug. “Remember what Lucifer said. She wasn’t murdered; she lived happily as a human, right up until she died of old age.”

All the more reason not to do it.

He sinks into your hold. You shoulder his weight with no complaints. “I can’t do it. You’re family; I-” he swallows past the lump in his throat, tears streaming down his face. “...I love you too much.”

Because he could care less about his angel status. Because Lilith already lived her life of peace. It still hurts, but you were the one to hold his hand when he had nightmares. You were the one who saw past his intimidating form and hung out with him.

You are important, and Beelzebub will take on the Celestial Realm himself if anything happened to you.

Belphegor

...He’s quiet.

Well, it’s to be expected. He hates humanity, and it’s his younger sister we’re talking about here, not to mention how close they were.

“So?” You ask as you lean back, the wall of the planetarium supporting your weight. “I don’t mind if you choose her and your status. It’s-”

“I could give a rat’s ass about my status as an angel.” He snaps. “Just shut up for a second and listen.”

You shut your mouth. What were you gonna say to that? An angry Belphie is not a Belphie to speak lightly with.

You jolt a bit as you feel hands lightly smack against your cheeks, smooshing your face. He tugs your head so that you’re staring at him, and it’s then that you notice how his eyes waver.

“I killed you,” he says, his brows furrowing, “I killed you. And yet you’d let me choose?”

You snort, raising a hand to cover his own. “Yep. Your move, Sleeping Beauty.”

He doesn’t understand. Why would you give him that power? He had robbed you from your family when he took your life. He temporarily washed out your future.

Did you really trust him that much...?

“It tore Beel and I apart when we learned she was dead. I-...I blamed myself.” He starts, and you don’t have the heart to stop him. Not when you already made peace with your end. “I started eating less, sleeping more. I despised Lucifer, and I despised all of humanity for taking my little sister away from me.”

You remained quiet. He lets out a frustrated huff, shaking you a bit.

“And then you came. You freed me from that place, you mended what was broken, and you-...you forgave me. And I will never betray that trust; not now, and not in the future.”

He bumps his forehead against yours, closing his eyes. You close yours as well, feeling the tears drip from your face and onto the floor. He’s...choosing you? Over everything he’s ever wanted?

What did you do to deserve someone like him in your life?

“So don’t you forget it, you idiot.”

[tteokdoroki]

broken beauty | k.bakugou

⇝ pairing: katsuki bakugou x fem!reader.

⇝ word count: 2.1K

⇝ rating: for everyone.

⇝ genre: pro hero!au, model!au, angst.

⇝ summary: katsuki bakugou had never given you a reason to feel insecure, but when the distance between your worlds finally dawns on you, you feel yourself begin to break.

⇝ warning(s): please read ! heavy angst, no happy ending, mentions of insecurity, self doubt, emotional distress and bakugou cursing again.

⇝ author’s note(s): hello everyone, i hope you’re all doing well and keeping safe during this time, this one-shot is a request from @yourlocalbabybird​​​ !!! i hope the angst is heavy enough for you heh, i tried my best so i hope you enjoy. thank you for all the love on my blog. also i tried a new banner style which i like a lot :(

with everything going on recently i’ve found this carrd to help us all stay educated and mindful of others <3

⇝ masterlist | requests

bakugou had never given you a reason to feel insecure.

through your entire relationship, all you’d ever received from him was love— while it might not have been through grandest if gestures and shouting it from the rooftops, he showed you through lingering touches, soft kisses— dates on the rooftop and under the sunrise with hazy eyes and linked fingers. you were his world and he was yours, no relationship you’d ever had, felt as tight and secure as the one yourself and katsuki shared.

but that didn’t mean, you didn’t feel insecure by your own accord.

‘it’s just a modelling gig, nothing more, nothing less.’ is what you have to remind yourself while you sit behind the scenes on the set of bakugou’s latest shoot. your boyfriend is not a model per say, but fashion designers love a pro hero with good looks and a popular rank amongst the people; not only does it boost their brand but it’s often a good PR move on behalf of the heroes. a win win situation for all, including your boyfriend. bakugou is hot, you know that, he knows it and god so does the rest of japan— so it’s only natural that the top brands would want him splayed out on the cover of next month’s vogue magazine.

you’re proud of him, really, with your boyfriend right on track to become the next number two— you’re happy that he’s got the chance to experience an opportunity like this...but you can’t help but watch with burning eyes and a strained heart as he poses for the camera with her. ochako uraraka is no more of a model than your precious katsuki; but she is also sweet,  gorgeous and a pro hero like himself. and unlike you, they had known each other since high school, being on the same hero course and all— but being a hero wasn’t an option for you, growing up quirkless you had forced you to choose a quieter route in life and whereby you opened up your own little cafe, so it was by chance that you’d even met your boyfriend.

everything was by chance. meeting bakugou, falling for bakugou, loving bakugou. but the world would never know of you, having a quirkless girlfriend could severely damage your lover’s reputation and rank on the charts— so of course, ochako would have been the next best choice to replace you by his side on the cover.

at the time, when plans for the shoot had first been revealed, you had been okay with it. bakugou had made sure of that, he would never do anything you weren’t comfortable with or that exceeded the bounds of your relationship, and the fairytale theme certainly didn’t bother you back then. but now; upon seeing the shirtless dragon king and barley clothed princess set up they had going for the two, you fee bile rise up in your throat and uncomfortable churning in your stomach— a sense of jealousy directing itself at the girl who had her hands all over your boyfriend, merely for the purpose of a photoshoot.

you hate the way they look at each other, as if they belong together— ‘it’s just acting.’ you tell yourself as bakugou lifts the brunette into his arms behind the camera, her dainty fingers splayed out against the caramel of his chest and the look in her eyes writes words of love. you shouldn’t be mad, upset or angry. it’s just his job, but you can’t help but feel that maybe bakugou would be better off with her instead of you.

ochako and bakugou, yn and bakugou. your mind had made itself up, it knew which one sounded better—the one where you weren’t included. the two would make sense together, both stunning pro heroes on the way to becoming the top, while you were just an ordinary girl with an ordinary life. clutching at your chest, you give bakugou a weak smile while he waves to you between pictures, blinking away tears you didn’t realise had formed.

“okay,” the shoot director claps, fixing the cape drapes neatly across the blonde’s shoulders. “i want you guys to look at each other; like you’re about to kiss— can you do that? and it’ll be the last shot for the day.”

your heartbeat stops in its tracks while blood rushes through your ears, the sound tuning everything out but that of katsuki’s voice. “i think we can do that.” is all you manage to make out before you jump to your feet and make a dash for the bathroom. you can no longer take being in a room with them both, the insecurities in your mind eating you alive.

you don’t bother to look back when you hear bakugou call your name, you don’t think you can handle seeing them together for a moment more.

“yn, baby...are you in here?”

chewing on your bottom lip, you do your best not to make a sound as the door to the bathrooms slams open so hard it almost hits the next wall. you knew it’d only be a matter of time before bakugou started searching for you, but then again you’d only been hidden away in the toilet cubicle for about fifteen minutes.

without a response, katsuki starts to check each cubicle next— growing more and more desperate by the second. you know he hates seeing you sad, it lifts your heart, only just, to know that the cares but the way you feel can’t be helped and couldn’t be for the longest time. you paw at your cheeks where tears have seared a pathway down them, trying to cover up any evidence of your emotions as your boyfriend approaches your cubicle.

the explosive blonde stops right outside of yours, his boots appearing in your view just underneath the door. “yn, i know you’re in there,” he mumbles simply after attempting to push open the door, voice so quiet you would have missed him if you weren’t hyper aware of his presence. it’s locked, of course. “come out and let’s talk, yeah?” 

“can’t,” you whisper, moving to hug your knees whilst sitting on the toilet seat, as if that’s going to hide you away from the world.

“baby is this about the last shot? i swear i wasn’t thinking about what the director said— just wanted to get us home, you’ve been waiting for me all fuckin’ day...”

you hear bakugou sigh and lean against the door, an attempt to gather his feelings and words before talking again. you hate that you’re so insecure, at no fault of bakugou’s but simply because of your nature— you hate that the way you think could cause such a rift between yourself and the man you love. that’s why you had to do this.

but your lips move before your mind can catch up, whispering the questions that plague your thoughts and make you feel sick to the stomach. “would you have done it? kissed ochako for the shoot if i hadn’t been there?” the raging green of jealousy and fear swirl in the depths of your head, practically swallowing you whole throughout katsuki’s silence. was she prettier than you? did he like her too?

“fuck no... baby, god no—where is all of this coming from?”

you ignore his question and answer with another. “then, are you attracted to her?”

“not in the way that i am to you, yn there’s no one fucking else for me except for you. shit. will you tell me what’s going on now? let me in.” katsuki practically begs through the closed door, you can tell he’s leaning against it from how close he sounds. deep down, you know that everything you say hurts the blonde just as much as it hurts you— you don’t want him to be in pain alone and yet you’re not quite ready to face him. so instead, you slip to the floor and hold your hand out from underneath the door, waiting for your lover to take it. it’s not long before your palm is engulfed by a familiar hold and sense of warmth, and you almost smile at how quickly the pro is to grab your hand. “please come out, honey bear. tell me what you’re feeling. is it ‘cause of the shoot?”

you shake your head once before realising he can’t see you and squeeze his hand instead— milking the silence for a moment more, in order to think. to think about how you’re going to tell your charming,  wonderful, amazing boyfriend that you can’t be his girlfriend anymore. that you’re from two separate worlds, in which his beats you down and makes you feel so insecure that you can’t stand back up without his help. how do you tell him without blaming him? how do you try without hurting him? “it wasn’t the shoot, katsu...” you start, that your voice trembles from the get go. it was never about the shoot. “katsu... you know i love you right?”

“of course, i love you too.” i hope you do.

“then, please understand...” i’m sorry.

“understand what, yn?” that i can’t stay.

“please understand why i can’t be with you anymore.” you breathe, leaning back against the cubicle wall as the sob that’s been building up in your chest finally breaks free.

for a second, you think bakugou will yank his hand away, tell you that he’s relieved and leave you there heart broken but to your surprise; he grabs onto you tighter— pressing himself against the cubicle even more as if he could phase right through and pull you into his arms. “you want to leave me—?” the explosive hero asks more so to himself than to you and you hate to imagine the pained confusion that now sits heavily in his vermillion eyes. “yn, please wait—“

“katsuki,” you cut him off with a heavy sigh and watery eyes, every fibre in your being is telling you not to do this— but for the sake of both you and your lover, you really have no choice. you need to get better, you want to start feeling good about yourself again but to do that you need to let go of him and your relationship so you have room to grow. “baby, i just want you to know that you’ve never done anything to make me insecure about this relationship or about myself; but when it does happen— when i do get insecure...i feel myself begining to break...” you turn your head to press it against the door; feeling bakugou’s warmth radiate through it. “we’re from two different worlds, katsu; and i simply don’t have a place in yours... you’re a pro hero and i’m the quirkless bland girlfriend who can’t be seen with you because of who you are—“

this time, the blonde interjects— slamming his fist against the door so hard that it makes you jump. “then...then fuckin’ be seen with me, i don’t give a crap about what my publicist says. not when you feel like that about yourself,” you see bakugou’s resolve crumbing even when you physically can’t. you don’t know what hurts more. “i need you here, with me, please—“

another squeeze to your hand, another silent plea. “katsuki, i’m so tired of looking down on myself too, i don’t want to feel bad because of the worlds we’re in and who we are but...” you falter as you hear you boyfriend finally crack through the shaky breaths he exhales on the other side. “but, i need to get better, for me, for both of us...i have to let us go.”

silence crackles through the air in the bathroom, heavy with pain unlike the usual comfortable ones you share together— where nothing else matters on the world aside from the love you have together. prying your hand from bakugou’s death grip, you stand up to wipe at your tears stained cheeks and sore eyes before unlocking the door to your cubicle. the blonde sits on the floor opposite you, still in the outfit the stylists had spent ages dressing him in hours before. only this time he’s there with a dark storm cloud sitting heavily over his precious heart.

vermillion eyes find yours, tired and broken beyond belief and you figure that you probably look the same. but still, bakugou smiles and opens his arms out for to ease your way into. “you’ll come back to me, right?” he almost whimpers when you finally relax into his chest, clinging onto his arms as if he’ll disappear. you know he understands, he doesn’t want to see you suffer anymore.

“i always will.”

you don’t know how long you spend holding each other from that moment on, in a quietness that speaks volumes of goodbyes and i love yous. all you know, is that your heart will always belong to katsuki bakugou long after this day; a broken beauty and all.

some more helpful links about recent events:

educate yourself carrd

issues going on in the world carrd

blm carrd

[hauntingmothgirl]

To Hell and Back PART 3

Hi so a lot of people liked that last part, thank you for the support, it really made me smile and made my day. If you have any suggestions/requests or want me to write a specific scene then feel free to ask, my dms are open, but for now here’s part 3! This series spans across the ending of season 4 if it wasn’t already clear enough.

✰

        The flight to Windsor, Ontario, Canada felt longer than it should have. Trying to avoid Spencer’s prying and profiling eyes was harder than it seemed. Even staring at her book wasn’t enough to keep him from noticing how long she had been on a single page. And the looks the team were now giving to a certain profiler who seemed to be studying every movement of his co-worker were hard to ignore. 

        By the time the plane had touched down, Y/n had cleaned up her space and was sitting on the edge of her seat, book in hand and satchel across her chest. As soon as it was clear to leave Y/n was out of her seat, mumbling a thank you to a flight attendant and hurrying down the steep steps. The normal cars they had assigned to them were directly outside, waiting for the team. Flinging an SUV door open and hurrying into the back, ducking behind the headrest, she tried her best to see over her hiding spot to check if the hour ride to R.C.M.P. Headquarters was going to be one filled with torture, or one filled with awkward silence. 

        She was just about to sit up, realizing how idiotic she looked and how stupid she would feel if someone spotted her when an uncoordinated Reid tried to hurry down the steps without looking, well… hurried. A grimace settled onto his face as he squinted through the sunlight trying to spot her. Rossi was next behind him, taking slow steps. Clapping a hand on his back and leaning in, Rossi muttered something in Reid’s ear, smiled and then started for the car. Reid’s demeanor shifted, his shoulders went stiff and then relaxed, his expression softened and then fell. He took off for the next car. 

        Y/n sat upright and stuffed her nose into her book as Rossi entered the car, pulling his seatbelt on before finally starting the car. “You can sit in the front if you like, you know?” He offered, looking up in the mirror to meet her eyes. Hesitating, she dropped her book and moved to the door. Settling into the front passenger seat, she forced herself to keep her eyes forward. The drive started out fine at first, Rossi didn’t try to make conversation and let the silence flow comfortably around them. After the first 20 minutes of driving and staring down endless highways, Y/n had grown restless and drew her book back to her, in need of something to occupy her mind. As she read her eyes grew heavy, sore, and her head fell forward slowly. Every so often she fought against closing her eyes fully and instead found herself sinking further and further into her seat. By the time she had woken up, the drive was over. 

  ✰

         “Come on Sunshine,” a voice laughed near her ear, startling her out of her sleep. Craning her now sore neck to peer up at the person who stood with her door open, trying to unbuckle her now, she rubbed her eyes. “Have a good nap?” He chuckled, taking her satchel from out of the backseat. She grimaced, taking his hands to help lift herself up, steadying her balance. “Where are we, Derek?” She asked, taking a look around. “Headquarters, they dropped your bags off at the hotel, told me to give you your room key for tonight. You were knocked out for a while, Rossi didn’t wanna wake you when we got to the hotel. Don’t worry, we didn’t go through any of your belongings,” he added with a smirk. Looking up at the headquarters, she smoothed her shirt and pulled her into a ponytail, trying to look decent, or at least as if she hadn’t been asleep for the past hour. “Thank you,” she mumbled, taking her satchel from his hands. “No problem.” 

           A thought popped into her head as she pulled the satchel onto her shoulder, “Aren't you supposed to be with Prentiss?” she asked, twisting to look for the other profiler. “Yes, mother,” he chuckled, “I’m heading there now, but the teams inside and I'm apparently on wakeup duty. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a job to do,” he answered, walking backwards towards another SUV. “Drive safe,” she called after him, turning to the big building as he called back, “You know it.” 

        The building was big and red. Bigger on the inside than she anticipated, multiple floors, lots of bustle and busy people. The faint smell of peppermint and air freshener wafted to her nose. As she entered the building she caught sight of the rest of her team, giving a small smile as she started towards them. “Morning sleepyhead,” JJ cooed. Her stomach did flip flops as she came to a stop in front of them, locking eyes with Spencer. “Very funny,” she retorted as the team started to set a stride. 

        A small elevator sat at the far end of the room, a door titled, “Stairs Access,” stood just across from it. On any normal day Y/n would’ve chosen the stairs, she had always had a problem with the close quarters of an elevator, the uncertainty and danger of such an unstable device had always left her off put. But a long way to the ninth floor on the stairs would not only be physically tiring, but would most definitely be accompanied by a certain doctor to her left who had been dying to talk to her alone. Still, the team became increasingly interested when Y/n stepped in with them. “Someone’s getting brave, huh?” JJ chuckled, “Just too tired to deal with the stairs today.”

        The hallway the doors opened to was short and led out to a giant office full of people. Tan walls extended on each side, the tiles on the floor reflected the lights above them. A man met Rossi in the entrance of the room, exchanging pleasantries and introducing the team, it was impossible not to notice the way Spencer’s gaze kept flickering to hers. Two red offices stood at the far end of the room and the room to the right of them. Walking in between the desks and making his way to one of the rooms, Jeff led the team, “I've got a victim board and timelines set up on monitors in the conference room. Anything you need, you've got the run of the place.” 

         “We appreciate it,” Rossi replied lightly.” “Don’t thank me, Thank the unsub. He's the one that put you all in charge.”

        Something about that last remark hit Y/n the wrong way, wrinkling her nose in agitation. JJ excused herself to go talk to Garcia as Y/n took in the room. A long conference table sat in the middle of the room, six chairs pushed into it. A tv hung on the left wall, faces of the victims littering the screen. Rossi took in the site, then moved around the table to make room for Reid and Y/n. Following Reid, she took a second to go over the tv soon realizing that she had already seen the pictures in the file JJ had supplied her with. Realizing that everyone’s backs were to them, Spencer made the quick decision to steal a look at her. Turning on her heel to walk away from the screen, her eyes reached his, the pleading look on his face was enough to make her stomach turn. Guilt flooded her, all he probably wants is his best friend back, this isn’t fair to him. Did I ruin our friendship?  Turning around to take her place next to Rossi. “You believe that he killed all these people?” Reid asked, his eyes turning back to the screen, “Fits the profile,” Officer Jeff responded absentmindedly. “How so?” Rossi asked, clearly quizzing his former student, everyone in this room knew of the Unsubs history, but Jeff answered nonetheless. “He got a recent physical trauma. Could be a stressor. Wide disparity of victims. No bodies. Possible border cross. Two entirely different terrains,” He paused, “To pull that off, you'd have to be smart, you'd have to be organized, mobile, physical.” His missing leg ran through Y/n‘s mind once again, before the accident this all could’ve been possible, but now? After such physical trauma? It didn't make sense. 

        “Military background gives you all that,” Rossi finished for him.

 “Exactly,” Officer Bedwell hummed.

        “It appears as though he clusters his victims into men, then women, and then back to men again.” Spencer’s voice raised in tone, confusion heavy in his voice. 

        “What does that tell you?” Officer Bedwell asked.

“At the moment, nothing.”

        They were informed that he hadn’t contacted family, nor a lawyer and was awaiting an interrogation. Hotch was the last person to talk, deducing that since this man had contacted the FBI, he would want to speak to whoever he believed was the most in charge. 

        The interrogation room was dimly lit, only one light directly overhead, the room behind the glass was filled with two officers, Rossi, Reid and Y/n. Crammed into the few chairs there were, Y/n watched, her brows furrowed, as Hotch sat down at the table. William was a tall man, broad shoulders and muscular arms, he sat in silence, a detached look sewn onto his features. A black goatee rested above his lips, his hair was cropped in a buzz cut, understandable due to his military background. His body shows his training too, he sat straight up, shoulders back, hands on his thighs, his legs slightly spread. The pinnacle of perfect posture. 

        It was silent as Hotch announced himself as the behavioral analysis unit chief from the FBI. William’s face didn't change as his eyes lifted to Hotch’s, “You’re here to analyze me.” This wasn’t a question, but a statement. “No, I’m here to take your confession and find out where you dumped your victims,” Hotch corrected. Y/n could see the technique Hotch was using beginning to form, diminishing any hope of negotiation. Setting himself in charge in the room and demanding the attention, making it clear that this was Hotch’s room, not Heightower’s, taking away any slimmer of wiggle room around the conversation. He continued, “Or are you wasting my time?” 

        Y/n’s boss was always great at keeping his voice firm but somewhat monotone when speaking to unsubs, not letting emotion intercede unless it was directly needed. “I gave you names, I gave you dates.” William bounced around the subject, his voice low and gravely, as if he hadn’t spoken in hours. Hotch reigned the conversation back onto topic easily, “You didn’t give me a dump site.” It was silent for a moment, as if an unspoken staring contest had started, the Unit Chief’s jaw was set, William was withholding information and he wasn’t intending on opening up anytime soon. “You were a sergeant,” Hotch started, again not a question, a statement intended to gain an emotional reaction, “You led troops, probably lost men.” Y/n’s eyes flickered to William’s just as he let out a hesitant, “a few.” 

        “What would their parents feel if they didn’t know whether their sons were dead or alive?” Hotch tried. The tension shifted uncomfortably. A cord was struck, “Don’t lecture me on notifying families, I’ve been on those doorsteps,” as William spoke his voice rose slightly from the whisper it had started out as. He’s protective of these men, his angry tone shows Hotch’s words affect him, why is he trying so hard to make us not see that? “No one cares about those people, why should I?” His head shakes as he says it, even his own body is rejecting the words he’s saying, subconsciously disagreeing with them. Hotch’s words have caught him off guard, this technique is making him emotional.

        Rossi’s voice interrupts Y/n’s thoughts, “Here we go.” 

        “What do you mean?” An officer to the right of Y/n’s chair asks, he leans against the interrogation window, unknowingly making her scoot her legs closer to herself. He mindlessly takes up so much of the little space beside her that she cringes uncomfortably away from him. “An interrogation doesn’t really start until you get the first lie,” Rossi finishes, so he picked up on it too. Hotch’s voice silences all of them as he resumes the conversation through the glass, “See that’s just the thing William, you were out there every night. You took their photographs, you checked off their names in a notebook,” William remains blank as he mutters, “So?” Hotch grimaces at the answer and then continues, “Your behavior was more like a protector, like someone in the army doing a bed check.” If Hotch’s words resonate with anything at all to him, he doesn’t show it and lets him continue. “You’ve gone to a lot of trouble to confess to a crime you didn’t commit,” Hotch accuses. 

        Suddenly all reservation in William is gone, his lips quiver as he spits the words out angrily, “The folks on the street, did they tell you people were missing?” It's like he’s trying to prove their absence rather than his own guilt. 

        “If my team is here there are cases we are not working on, you are wasting our time.” 

        “10 people dead, huh?” Swallowing harshly, scowling, challenging Hotch, “That’s not enough for you?” 

        “I’ve watched the tape of you at the border cross over and over again, you wait until every guard is out of the booth before you drive into it,” Hotch raises his voice, as he leans closer to the table, “if you wanted to kill people you had your chance.” 

        William’s voice is booming now, his face enraged, “Are you investigating these murders or not?!” His whole body shakes violently as silence fills the room. “So that’s what this is all about?” Hotch questions, “Making sure we investigate?” What a way to do so. “If you thought people were being killed you should’ve gone to the police in Detroit.” Another shudder rips through William, “I already did,” his voice is low as it break. “3 times. They told me the kind of people I was looking for disappeared.” His voice trembled, the light reflecting off tears in his eyes, “They said that’s the way life on the street works.” Silence enveloped them again. 

        Struggling to keep his composure, he enunciated every word, “Do. You. Believe. The. People. I. Showed. You. Are. Missing?” 

        “I believe it's possible.”

        Rage wracked through his frame once again, “Don’t give me a political answer!”

        Hotch hesitated, giving himself a moment before he responded, “Tell me about what happened the night before the border cross.” William opened his mouth and then shut it before starting, “I did a head count,” he began. “Every night for the past month, like we do in Baghdad. That night I saw a boy named Charles wasn’t where he usually camped down.” The mention of a boy sends a pang of pain through Y/n’s chest, wondering how old the boy must have been. Hopefully he had meant a young man, rather than a young boy. The idea of a child in the case was a sore subject. Swallowing the hard lump in her throat, she hoped she hadn't shown any visible signs of discomfort. 

        “So I made another pass.”

“He didn’t turn up?”

        “By the morning I knew he was gone,” another scowl had set on his face, though this time it wasn’t targeted at the man across from him. “William,” Hotch started, sympathy thick in his voice, “People don’t do what you did out of honor.” He paused, “They do it out of love.” William’s lack of a response was enough to confirm their suspicions. “Who were you looking for on the streets every night.” His brows furrowed as William prepared himself before continuing, “I got home from Iraq, first thing my mother told me was that my baby sister Lee was on the streets.” Y/n’s heart sunk, with the way he’d been acting there was no way this story was going to end well. Rossi must have noticed it too because out of the corner of Y/n’s eye she watched him shake his head slightly, turning away from the glass before coming back to it, exhaling roughly. 

        William continued, “She asked me to find her.”

        “But you couldn’t?” Hotch pried.

        “I managed once. Brought her home, we got her fed.” His eyes fell, staring longingly as his voice broke yet again, “She even wore my dog tags. For good luck.” Y/n closed her eyes for a moment, sighing. No matter how long you were on this job, no matter what horrors you’d seen, it never gets easier to hear from the relatives of people who’ve gone missing. The team was evidence of that, Rossi’s head was to the side, face contorted in uncomfort. The officers sat quietly, staring at their laps. Though Hotch had to remain indifferent in order to keep control of the room, his face was no longer hard and stern. While he held his lips together in a tight line, a deep sadness sat behind his eyes, something only his colleagues who’d worked with him for so long would pick up on. 

         “Two weeks later, she slipped back onto the streets.” Composure was no longer an option for William, his breathing came out in short, quick breaths as his chest visibly shook. The tears spilled over, “That was it,” he barely managed to let out, another shaky breath in.

         “William, you’ve got so much information about the other potential victims, why not Lee?” Hotch asked, though this was a raw subject, it was still vital to know. Blinking rapidly in order to control the tears and reign his emotions back in, Heightower replied, “I hid it in a spare tire, in my car.” That explained why none of the team had any knowledge about Lee, organized and brilliant, William had intentionally left her out of the files he created for us. He wouldn't have even been considered had the officers known how close he really was to one of the victims, Y/n pondered. “I needed to wait until I was sure,” while the tears had stopped and his breathing was now in control, his hands still shook slightly under the table as he finished, “that you were on board.”

         That was all the team needed to hear, Frankie excused herself from the room. Walking down the hall as she assembled her thoughts. The car would definitely be in evidence somewhere, how they hadn’t managed to find the new piece of the puzzle was surprising, confused she wandered the hall trying to find the stairs. 

        The sound of the stairwell door opening made Y/n falter. She’d reached a platform between the set of stairs, eyes glancing to the door at the end of the platform that would take her to the hallway. Stairwells were where most assaults happened, but due to the fact that she was in a police department, she pushed that thought to the back of her head and continued to the next set of stairs. It wasn’t until she heard the pitter patter of quick footsteps behind her, that she realized she should have taken her chances with the elevator. 

        “ Y/n?” A pang of dread ran through her body in slow waves. Turning slowly on her heel, her eyes met Dr. Reid’s. His face was contorted, his eyes fixed on the ground, then fluttered back up to hers. “I-” 

        “Did I miss something on Heightower?” His eyebrows furrowed, confusion making it’s way on to his features. 

        “No- I just-” 

“Does this have anything to do with this case or a previous one?”

        “No-”

“So this is not work related?”

        “No, it’s not, but-”

        “Then we should not be having this conversation.” Starting back down the stairs, he was next to her in a moment. “I know that, but the other night I didn’t mean to make it seem like-” “Spencer,” her nose scrunched up in uncomfort. “Please, don't do this.” Another flight of steps was through. At this point she was counting them down in her head. 

        “Y/n, I wasn’t trying to hurt you, it just seemed like the worst time and I didn’t want you to-” “Spencer, please.” One more flight to go. 

        “Okay but give me a moment to-” 

         “Spencer!” 

        Blinking back tears, she tried to reason with him. “That was the single most humiliating thing I’ve ever done. Just having to look you in the eyes right now is unbelievably painful. Knowing that our friendship will probably never go back to the way it was is killing me and you bringing attention to it every five seconds is making it worse,” she rambled. “I mean for God’s sake Morgan won't stop trying to profile me and Hotch looks at me like a kicked puppy. I can tell everyone here is second guessing my decision to come back and I’m already having a hard enough time proving that I’m okay without your worried glances making everything worse so please. Give me some space, some time before I have to have this conversation with you.” 

        Spencer’s eyes flickered down, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.”

        “I just can’t do this right now Spencer.” Opening the door and entering the lobby she made her way to an officer, flashing her badge and asking where the evidence storage room was.

✰

okay that’s part 3, again, i hope it didn’t disappoint. and if it did then, again, that's chill too. tagged everyone who wanted a part 3. i know it was pretty long but i wanted to get a lot of the dialogue out of the way so i can focus on the reader and spencer in the next couple parts, rather than just the case, although that is pretty important. thank yall so much for the kind words!! and again if you have any suggestions or recommendations just ask, and if you want to be tagged in part 4, let me know! if you want me to stop tagging you then let me know that too lol. part 4 will be up tomorrow. have a beautiful day loves :)

@anarchy-n-glitter i love you sm, thank you for the support lol.

@reidselle​

@doctorspenceryeet​

@ashwarren32

@reidsbookclub​

Part 2

Part 4

Masterlist

[jdrizzle15]

Her Second Return

Just like all of you, and especially my fellow Penny fans, I am absolutely devastated by the Volume 8 finale. I had been in quite a state these last few days, utterly heartbroken, and actually nauseous at times. It feels strange to me to be legitimately grieving a fictional character, but it’s not a bad thing to feel this way. To me, this just shows that CRWBY loves her just as much as us to have written her so well that we connect so completely with her, that it feels like we lost an actual piece of ourselves when she’s gone.

But as you can probably tell by the title, this mega post isn’t gonna be about accepting this end, not in the slightest! Today I want to share canon evidence that can point towards another return of our beloved quirky red headed cinnamon bun! I’m here to spread this hope that I and others in the Nuts & Dolts dolts Discord server have!

I have this separated into many different sections to keep these thoughts organized. With that said, here goes…

A Father’s Words:

In Episode 7 of Volume 7, ‘Worst Case Scenario’ we learn the origins of Penny’s aura, and thus her soul. We also learn that it takes more aura each time she’s brought back. This leaves open an option that could be used at a later point.

Many people theorized that Pietro could indeed revive Penny one more time, which he would absolutely do. But there also lies the possibility that someone else could donate some of theirs, I’m not sure about this as I feel like it’s akin to blood donation where compatibility matters or there's a high risk of altering her, but the possibility is definitely there.

Now, the conversation in Chapter 5 of Volume 8, ‘Amity’ that Pietro and Penny have is an important moment for both Father and Daughter. It was there to show how her death in PvP all that time ago really did have a heavy impact on him and is still affecting him to this day.

Instead of continuing to pretend that everything is A-okay, like he had done for most of Volume 7, he finally lets his true feelings about how it come out to Penny for what is quite likely the first time. Even going so far as to say "Are you asking me to go through that again?" when she offers to take the risk of trying to lift Amity with her power. He wants Penny to be able to live her life.

This entire scene with Pietro established “this is what will likely happen” even if circumstances are much different now, it doesn’t negate the fact that this is a key part of Penny’s story. Scenes like these have a purpose beyond simply making an eventual death all the more heart wrenching. Her never actually getting to live her life makes those scenes basically moot. It makes them effectively pointless from narrative point of view. Unless there's more to it.

Building Relationship:

The build up between Ruby and Penny the last two volumes has been absolutely phenomenal with a definite destination in mind, and this doesn’t feel like that destination. So much of the arc of this season was to help Penny. This girl that our main protagonist absolutely adores and treasures, it would just be awful to throw all of that out for what amounts to an avoidable end. Why use so much of their precious and very limited runtime on deliberately building up this relationship only to end it abruptly, and permanently, when they’re separated?

In my opinion, RT is definitely smarter now than to intentionally set up what was really looking like a budding gay relationship only to kill one of them for good. If N&D wasn't actually going in a romantic direction, why would they leave in all of the romance-adjacent stuff that they got, that's not how ‘just friends’ act. And that is not something you use such valuable time building up for absolutely no pay off whatsoever...

Representation of Hope:

At its core, RWBY has always been about hope. It’s not at the forefront the whole time, but there's been an underlying theme of hopefulness that has persisted since it began. Some describe the show as a Hopepunk, I personally find this to describe RWBY really well. This genre of storytelling is about caring for things deeply and the courage and strength it takes to do so. It’s about never submitting or accepting the way things are. Fighting for what you believe in and standing up for others. RWBY fits all of this extremely well. How does this relate to Penny? She has been shown to be a sign of hope for everyone, but especially for Ruby, the main main protagonist. A prerequisite for a Hopepunk story is the hope.

Her first death in V3 was something that fundamentally changed Ruby. For the first time in the series, we see our main character all but broken by this event. With the loss of Penny, immediately afterwards, Ruby’s hope followed. She made up for it through determination and force of will. We see it affect her multiple times throughout the journey to Volume 7. But upon her return in V7, Hope reached a high point for everyone, the sheer relief on Ruby’s face is plain to see!

In V8 chapter 5 ‘Amity’, Penny literally raises hope by lifting the arena into the sky so Ruby could spread her message. And when she falls, and Amity with her, the connection is lost and hope plummets again. From there things take a very negative turn with the hack begins to take Penny’s agency.

In chapter 11 ’Risk’ is the point in the arc where everyone is reunited for the moment, so two separate hero stories are no longer a thing at that point in time. For the time being focus seemed to be shifted to care about the characters and how they’re going to solve the current problems. This is also where Ruby reaches her lowest emotional point in the season.

It’s not huge, but it’s interesting how connected this is. Before Ruby and Yang share a good cry over learning the possible fate of Summer, Yang brings up restoring optimism and hope to Ruby after the younger sister storms out of the room in frustration. This is where Penny’s scenes take up the rest of the episode. Getting Penny back in control of her own body and safe again is what makes the ending of the episode much brighter, when just 5 minutes before Ruby had been distraught and scared. This then spills over into the group coming up with the plan to use the staff, putting the main group in a much better mood. Of all the things to go right, it’s interesting that it’s Penny.

Things go wrong with the plan in the end and Penny dies. I find it interesting that once again, Penny got them hopeful in their chances of doing something right. Given said plan succeeded but at the cost of Penny of all people, Penny is shown to be the beginning and end of hope for them

The highest and lowest points for hope seem to directly correlate to when Penny’s around. When she comes back again, hope will return too, just like it had before. And because she’ll likely be back for good this time, the second return will probably be close to when Ruby is nearing the complete abandonment of hope. This would be pretty par for the course of the show honestly.

A little aside, but in a sense, Penny also represents Unity. The CCT in Vale fell after her first death, knocking out global communications and the unifying connection it gave. When it was restored for the briefest moment, she was there. Her body connected so she could allow for its launch, her soul lighting the night to hold up Amity with every ounce of her strength. So of course when the Hack succeeds and she falls, she takes global comms down again with her. At a smaller scale - even at the Hack's second last attempt to control her, she draws everyone in the Schnee Manor together. At the start of the volume, Yang states the one thing that they all agree on is not surrendering Penny.

Unity seems appropriate for one whose first song and wish was for but one friend, who would go on to find so many more in the process, and permit for a moment the possibility of all Remnant becoming friends once more. Where she first died, the name of the episode devoted to her story - Amity, "friendship", from the Latin root amicus, "friend" - she almost lives and dies with the very possibility of a united Remnant. It's no wonder she's a priority target for Salem, the great divider, and it seems natural that her next restoration may very well allow the next bid to bring the world together.

The Void Screams:

Moments after Penny's death, we hear a weird scream in the void space. It was a guttural, pained, angry scream, almost like the void space itself was crying out. All the portals shuddered and flickered when it happened.

Some think that this scream was Salem returning, but that happens earlier than Penny’s death, her return is signaled with cinder's arm acting up. We know this because after the arm finished flailing uncontrollably, Cinder said triumphantly "she's back." If it were Salem screaming, it would have happened after she fixed herself, but it didn't.

And I doubt Cinder would have been surprised or unsettled by it considering she was happy Salem returned not long before it. And why would a Salem scream affect the portals anyway, she has no connection to the staff or it's magic.

Another thing to consider is the fact sound is not transmitted through the portals. Otherwise, they would've heard Oscar and the rest calling for them, or the screams of the citizens of Mantle and Atlas. This lowers the possibility of that scream being from Salem even further.

The sound really seems to be coming from something else entirely within the void, and that something is not at all happy. There’s also the fact that Penny was the only person who died in the void space, everyone else was just thrown out of it like Ruby and Co. The only logical cause to me is Penny. Her body was a product (or byproduct) of the same creation magic that made the void space, her blood seems to have been a trigger.

Now I can't be sure about it, but this makes me feel like Penny is almost a part of creation itself? For whatever this thing is to be so angry, that is the only explanation I can think of currently. But all of this could possibly relate to the Narnia allusion of 'the willing victim killed in a traitor's stead' that others have brought up, which will be covered next.

Narnia Parallels:

Atlas has several parallels and references to fictional places (putting aside real world ones like the United States). One of those is that of Narnia, both on the surface and on a deeper level. It is a land of winter year round, where people struggle to survive and there is a present divide between those loyal to the current Monarch and those who are not. James is a parallel to Jadis, the White Witch, a ruler whose thoughts and cares aren’t exactly centered around the actual well being of the people. The hologram table in Ironwood’s office is designed to look like stone, like the Stone Table which features prominently in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. He has a handpicked cadre of special agents/secret police, like how Maugrim and his wolves served Jadis. Another key parallel is how Jadis’s winter sets in to oppress and kill everyone in Narnia, but the Witch provides aid and protection to her loyal followers. She has all the power to spare harm to others, and uses it only for the loyal. As soon as Mantle splits from James and Atlas, no care is taken to protect them from the cold of Solitas even though he has every ability to turn the heating grid back on. His protection is only for the loyal.

Now that the parallel is established, let's look into the details. Starting with how James plays the role of Jadis.

"I had forgotten that you are only a common boy. How should you understand reasons of State? You must learn, child, that what would be wrong for you or for any of the common people is not wrong in a great Queen such as I. The weight of the world is on our shoulders. We must be freed from all rules. Ours is a high and lonely destiny." These are the words Jadis says in the Magician’s Nephew to justify the blood civil war she and her sister had waged for rulership of Charn, before she came to Narnia. She won that war, technically, but only after the last battle had been lost and her sister had marched right up to her so that they were face to face. Jadis’s troops were dead, her followers had surrendered, and the capital was under full control of her sister. But, she still had one card, one ultimate play to win and prove the throne of Charn was rightfully her. The Deplorable Word, a piece of old magic that killed everyone and everything except for her on Charn. It was monstrous, senseless, cruel beyond measure. But it got her that hollow victory. This mindset, the disregard for the people except as tools for her own will, the ultimate ‘aoe’ destructive move that no one had even considered her using, the unwillingness to stop even when by all practical measures the war is over, is a shocking parallel to James. In many ways, he is Jadis in mindset and deed.

Then there is the shared desire for A Thing that both James and Jadis have. For James it’s the Winter Maiden and control over her. For Jadis it’s the Silver Apples from the Tree of Youth. And funnily enough, the Maiden Powers parallel the Apples quiet well. These apples grant power and a life of eternal beauty, but should not be taken or eaten on one’s own initiative. They must be given, a gift granted by another, or only suffering will come from obtaining them. "For the fruit always works — it must work — but it does not work happily for any who pluck it at their own will. If any Narnian, unbidden, had stolen an apple and planted it here to protect Narnia, it would have protected Narnia. But it would have done so by making Narnia into another strong and cruel empire like Charn, not the kindly land I mean it to be.” Jadis’s immortality, and some of her power, come from the fact that she ate an Apple of her own will after stealing her way into the garden where the Tree of Youth had been planted. She gained the eternal life she had wanted and the power along with it, but she did so by taking it and was cursed because of it. Her skin turned pale and her lips blackened as if she were a frozen corpse given life. She will be trapped in a life of misery and hate according to Aslan- oh hey Cinder, how’s having stolen the Power you always wanted working out for you? Cinder had the power she wanted, but she only got hungrier, eager to claim more and increase her might. But in her pursuit she was defeated and humiliated by Raven, had to steal her way out of Mistral, and then suffered defeat after defeat while in Atlas. Only in the end, when she didn’t keep pursuing the Maiden Power, did she get any kind of victory.

The reason these parallels to Narnia are so important is one of the most famous events of the series. The cracking of the Stone Table and the rebirth of Aslan after his death. ‘When a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor's stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backward.’ Well, the ‘Stone Table’ in James’s office has cracked, and Penny strikes me as a pretty willing victim. She has never actually committed any actual treachery or harm, as she was the Protector of Mantle, and fought for its and Atlas’s people until the very end. And because of her death, the actual traitor, Winter, who loyally served James until he had gone too far, was saved. Through Penny’s self sacrifice, Winter was saved. So now Death itself will start working backward.

(Major props to my friend @catontheweb for writing this section, I was getting nowhere with it, if they weren't there this part wouldn't exist!)

Norse Mythology:

The tree we see in the post credit scene gives off some serious Yggdrasil vibes. Also called the World Tree, it is essentially all of creation in Norse Mythology. It connects all nine realms, including the God realms of Asgard, the human realm of Midgard, and the underworld of Hel.

Humans are born from the branches of Yggdrasil. The web of Wyrd is woven for every person once they're born, and their path is set from there regardless of how many times the souls cycle over. But at the end, they're destined to end up in one of the worlds, for a myriad of reasons.

I believe Penny landed closest to this giant tree. She was on the center platform in the void space, so if that space is directly above the island(?) the tree is on, it makes sense for her to fall by the center nearest to the tree. This would not only open up all kinds of possibilities for the volume in general, but it would also create options for Penny.

The whole of Yggdrasil’s representations fit well into Penny’s story. Birth, growth, death and rebirth. We can count Penny’s appearance in V7 as birth for now, her growth is all her development in leaving =the military and becoming a Maiden, her death just happened, and her rebirth would be her revival. And this is a cycle she’s gone through before.

The Norse god Odin and Yggdrasil have quite a connection. In one story, Odin cut out one of his own eyes to gain knowledge from a pool underneath Yggdrasil. The only one that fell whose eyes alone are incredibly significant to the story was Ruby. So, they could choose to have her allude to Odin by having Ruby make some kind of deal with whatever entity likely rules over this magical place. An eye for Penny’s life.

There’s another story about Odin, Yggdrasil and the pursuit of knowledge. Odin so loved knowledge, that he sacrificed himself in a quest to learn the deeper magic of runes. It was believed one could only learn the magic spells from runes in death. So, Odin hung himself on Yggdrasil for nine days as an offering, and teetered between life and death. After he mastered the last spell on the ninth night, he ritually died and all light was extinguished from the world. Odin’s death lasted until midnight, when he was reborn and light returned to the world.

This story doesn’t fit Penny perfectly, but allusions often don’t. So If she really did land near the tree, she could be another loose representation of Odin’s story here. What she did wasn’t for knowledge, but to save her friends and keep Cinder from getting the Winter Maiden power. She believed it necessary that she sacrifice herself to achieve this end. As we established, Penny represents Hope, so her death means the loss of hope. This parallels Odin’s story of his death meaning the loss of light itself. So if this theory holds up, it would make this death temporary, until her rebirth and the return of Hope with her once again.

Alternatively, Ruby has the potential of loosely representing Odin in this story as well. Odin later uses the knowledge of the runes to do many things, but the most relevant one right now is awakening the dead. Both of these stories are about making a personal sacrifice to gain something that is desired. Ruby would absolutely make such sacrifices if it meant saving Penny.

It is said that Odin lived “according to his highest will unconditionally, accepting whatever hardships arise from that pursuit, and allowing nothing, not even death, to stand between him and the attainment of his goals." This sounds like Penny's arc of accepting the WM powers. This is more just a general connection between Penny and Odin, but I found it interesting.

Side Note: I encourage anyone who’s interested to look into RWBY connections to Norse Myth, there’s a surprising amount of things that feel eerily similar to the show. Likely just coincidental, but it’s fun to think about!

(If I got any of this wrong, I sincerely apologize by the way. I researched as best I could, but I admit it could have been lacking.)

Ambrosius and the Staff:

Ruby told Ambrosius "we kinda wanna keep her around longer than that" as part of her very specific instructions. Then Penny died about ten to fifteen minutes, at the absolute most thirty minutes later in-universe. I don’t know about you, but to me that seems very short to be considered ‘longer than that’. Technically it is, but when writing a story and a character says something like that, you typically don’t just kill the character they were referring to basically right away. It makes sense for a week-by-week watch, but in a volume binge, which many viewers do, it becomes ironic how fast Penny dies after being removed from her robotic body.

The first time we see the staff of creation being used, it's to save Penny. Using the staff of creation to help Penny is a sign of how incredibly important she is.

They’ve even got this entire transformation sequence for her, so it wouldn’t make sense for them to throw all that away two episodes later. In a meta context, it’s a massive waste of time and budget considering the asset creation for Penny.

Penny is a character who has already hopped bodies two times. And now we're supposed to just believe that this time it really is a final death? Just two episodes after we were explicitly told her body isn't what matters, that "Her soul is who she is" and that "the mechanical parts are just extra"? From a writing perspective, it feels strange, like your breaking a promise right after making it. And frankly, CRWBY is better than that, which makes me think this is not the actual end for her.

A possible connection between Penny, Ruby, and the Staff (thus Creation) can be seen in the intro. As Ruby is falling and being dragged down into the darkness, she is shown reaching for the staff. In the void space, Penny is the one with the relic. So with Penny having this strong connection to Creation, and the lyrics “fight for every life” playing as Ruby reaches for the staff, it’s a safe assumption to make, with the knowledge we now have, that the Staff of Creation represents Penny in this particular moment. Which could mean that V9 will be about, at least partially, fighting for Penny’s life.

Musical Hints:

In terms of music, Friend, as a song for Penny, is very dissonant from the episode itself. The song is oddly cheerful for Penny’s recent untimely death, and it overall highlights the wrong parts of death. It’s simply too happy to be a song about losing one of the most, if not the most joyous characters in the entire show. The song also abruptly ends. There’s no outro, and while this could symbolize the fact that Penny died young, it could be that the song itself is unfinished in a story sense.

What do we hear just before the song finishes, though? A progression of notes that sounds eerily similar to the last line of the opening of Volume 8. The notes for “Fight for ev’ry life” and “Who fin’lly felt alive'' share a similar melodic structure, they aren’t perfect clones of each other, but they are incredibly similar, to the point where it seems intentional. Penny may very well be the life that the opening song is fighting for. It is also worth noting that the line “Fight for every life” comes just after “Sometimes it’s worth it all to risk the fall,” which is the exact wording used for the description in the Volume 8 finale. Team RWBY risked the fall, yet, strangely the opposite of fighting for every life happened with Penny’s sacrifice. Perhaps the time to fight for every life has yet to happen, and we will see it come Volume 9.

For another thing, the lyrics for Friend are entirely centered on Penny’s feelings for Ruby, to the point where they read very much like a bittersweet love song. The music itself is incredibly cheerful, as mentioned previously, creating a mood whiplash with the end of the volume. Why would we hear a song about Penny’s feelings for Ruby, sounding like a love song, if her death is supposed to be a tragic sacrifice akin to Pyrrha’s? The song may very well be giving a clue into its future use in the show proper.

If this was meant to be a good bye song, why make it so cheerful and romantic sounding? There's only one part about her dying and even then, it's just too accepting and goes right back into cheerfulness. The song is also pretty hopeful, telling Penny's story in a fairly chronological order. And the part where she talks about sacrifice is quite pointedly followed up by one about feeling alive. It also ends with the super cheerful chorus, the word "alive" being the last... (Remember the episode title: The Final Word)

(I want to thank my friend @shadow-0f-x for writing the majority of this section! I was struggling to choose how to tackle it as I am not well versed in music theory.)

What We Didn’t See:

It is likely that Penny understood Jaune's semblance better than him and figured something out about it’s abilities in the same way that she understood Ruby's semblance better than her. She had plenty of time to observe his semblance up close as he boosted her aura to stave off the virus. Because of that intentionally timed cutaway in the finale, we don’t get to hear her explain herself after her strained “Trust me.” All of that seems really suspicious to me.

Pyrrha Parallel:

Pyrrha and Penny both sacrificed themselves to stop or stall Cinder. Jaune tried to convince the both of them to stop. With Pyrrha, he failed, while with Penny he actively helped her sacrifice herself. Doesn’t make sense for the guy who was determined not to let anyone else do what Pyrrha did, unless of course Penny assured him she’d be alright.

The Moment:

RT including the suicide hotline in the description shows that they're aware that Penny basically committed assisted suicide, seeing it as a noble sacrifice worth doing to save her friends. They're aware, and I believe they're smart enough to condemn that decision to hell and back.

The best way to do that in my opinion is to pull her back into the land of the living and let her witness first hand the consequences of throwing her life away so freely. This would show Penny how her actions affected others so maybe she could learn to truly value herself. To not think herself expendable. It would be bold and unwise to portray this choice as something good, unless it was going to be called upon later and be pointed out for how horrible it really is.

On top of this, Penny was way too content with her death, happy even. There's no way team RWBY is letting her stay content with it. It’s almost as though we're supposed to join Ruby and Co. in calling bullshit on what Penny is saying and doing because no, Penny, this is not how things are meant to work. It's as if Penny was basically saying "I want to die for my friends" because most of the volume had been about everyone else making sure she didn't die. She knows it will hurt them. She knows.

At the peak of it all, a choice like this will totally destroy Ruby. It may very well be her breaking point for Volume 9. Curiously, the moment itself is written like it’s the first choice Penny’s ever made, yet the entire Volume shows this isn’t the case. However, this is the first choice that Penny’s made solely independently and it’s rather pertinent that the choice she makes is a mistake. Outside of giving Winter the Maiden gift and saving the day temporarily, this sacrifice will not have any lasting positive effects. Jaune will be saddled with the grief of killing Penny. Ruby will have to live with losing her best friend and not being able to protect her a second time, and Winter now has the burden of the Winter Maiden abilities, making her a target of Cinder. This is a bad thing, and Penny needs to see the long term consequences.

Transfer of Power:

As we all know, colors in RWBY are really important and get a lot of focus in the show. That means the yellow we see as Penny gives Winter the Maiden Powers was intentional and likely important, no matter how insignificant it may seem. It’s possible that the transfer effect being yellow could have something to do with Jaune’s semblance. When Fria gave the power to Penny, the effect was very much blue, so this transfer should have been green since she was the one giving it this time. The weirdness of this transfer and the focus on color in RWBY really makes it look like something’s up with how that went down.

A little off topic, but Penny saying "I won't be gone, I'll be part of you." makes me think... Winter is smart, so when she gets time to think about what Penny said, maybe she'll arrive at the same question many in the audience came to; if she's literally part of Winter, can they be separated again? If Winter starts questioning that, the possibility of Penny coming back just skyrockets.

Fria actually tells Penny "I'll be gone" before giving her powers up, which is an interesting contrast to Penny telling Winter "I won't be gone". She may have gotten that line from Winter be all philosophical in V7, saying Fria was now a part of Penny, but it hits differently coming from an actual Maiden. S5o it’s possible that Maidens usually actually will be gone, but Jaune's semblance did something to change that.

This could go well with the theory that they won't need to find an aura transfer machine, or build another one, because Jaune will have a semblance evolution allowing him to do the transfer instead. It might actually be that this evolution already happened and the golden light we saw was Jaune transferring penny's aura to Winter in some way?

An observation that I find interesting is when Penny gives winter the powers, not only is the aura yellow but penny completely glows yellow too, and she obviously starts to disappear, but she doesn’t seem to fully disappear, she just glows.

It's possibly a fading out effect and she does fully fade but animation makes bright light easier, and so we don't actually see her disappear because she's dead and not gone. But it does once again emphasize the color yellow here!

And the color is coming from Penny, it does go up Winter's arm a bit, but Penny is clearly the source. This transfer is so weird and I’m not really sure how to interpret it. There's just actually no reason that we are aware of to make the effect yellow here is the thing. Unless it has something to do with either Jaune or Ambrosius, or potentially a combination of both...

Jaune’s Aura:

The way we see Jaune's aura break in the finale is strange. His aura shouldn't be breaking here. It had been long enough since he was boosting Penny, he's had time to recharge, and it didn't look like it was a strain on him at all. Plus, we know he has a lot of aura, so there probably wasn't too much to recharge in the first place.

He has a massive amount of aura, it has never broken before as far as I remember. Even if it has though, that doesn’t make this occurrence any less odd. It should absolutely never be a one-hit KO. We didn't see anything that would've drained it, that should not have been enough to break his aura. Unless he did something - something that would require a huge amount of aura - that we just didn't see. That amount of aura drain is far more than just an attempt at healing would do, Jaune absolutely did something with his semblance that took up almost all of his aura.

Pinocchio Allusion:

As any Penny fan knows, her character allusion is Pinocchio, the puppet who became a real boy. Penny deviates from the allusion by having always been a real girl, as Ruby is quick to point out, but she shares many story beats with her original story including multiple deaths. In the original story, Pinocchio dies from being hung by his own strings due to his poor decision making and he dies. Sounds a little familiar, does it not? This is where his tale originally ended. Readers were unsatisfied with this ending however, so the author decided to change the story by reviving Pinocchio and teaching him to be more careful.

Unlike Pinocchio making all the wrong decisions, Penny often makes the right ones, or ones she thinks is right, when concerning others. While usually a good thing, this has meant Penny almost giving herself up multiple times during V8, her last attempt being successful. This is where Penny and Pinocchio begin to share similarities again. They are both very reckless when it concerns themselves. This carelessness comes from different places, but it ends with the same result of them endangering their lives and even sometimes losing them.

In the Disney movie, Pinocchio dies by drowning after going to rescue Geppetto and washes up on the shore (like the beach in V8’s post credit scene). His father is devastated and takes him home to grieve, but as a reward for his selflessness in rescuing his father, the Blue Fairy returns and brings him back to life, as well as granting him humanity. Penny sacrificed her life as well, and it stands to reason that she should be rewarded for it, much like her allusion was.

Penny got her maiden powers from someone with blue aura and then gave her powers to someone with blue aura. So it could be that not only Ambrosius, but Fria and Winter as well represent the Blue Fairy. It could be set up for Winter helping to bring Penny back to life once more. It’s an out there theory I admit, but it’s not outright impossible either. The Blue Fairy in Pinocchio saved him three times that I know of, so RWBY having three representations does make sense.

Geppetto wished for him to live as a real boy, but it depended on what path Pinocchio took. This is very reminiscent of Penny and Pietro. Pietro wants to see her live her life, and surely with him absent in V8C14 that didn't work, despite Penny choosing. Her father did not see her happy enough to live her life, and will only be able to learn her death through others. But Pinocchio's themes were life and being alive. So the likelihood that this is not her end yet is quite high!

A Girl That Fell Through the World:

Penny could be the girl who fell through the world. The girl in the story fled the consequences of a choice. The only person who chose her ultimate fate was Penny. The others were pushed into the void, but she chose to die. The consequence of her choice is Ruby’s grief first and foremost, which Penny won’t see. The girl who fell through the world does come back though, and the world will be changed severely with Penny’s absence. Alternatively, it could also be Penny coming back to Wonderland or wherever they currently are, as long as it’s unrecognizable to her.

What Returning Brings:

Others might say another return would have no story relevant purpose, but I wholeheartedly disagree. Penny gives a profoundly youthful, joyous, and wondrous outlook on the world and story that we hadn't seen since Ruby in Volumes 1-3(not the end), Penny returning would bring a much needed levity back in after the despair they will undoubtedly be going through. While not necessarily a huge thing in most other shows, for RWBY, a show largely about keeping up hope, an ounce of such relief is a necessity.

As much as I hate saying it, Penny’s death does actually make some narrative sense because she had to pass on the Maiden powers. (They could have done this in a number of ways, and I personally think they chose rather poorly, but I digress.) Throughout this whole volume, we can see Penny seemingly being set up to join the main cast, but would have been too strong with the powers. This also accomplishes ridding her of the burden of responsibility that comes with being a Maiden and lets her obtain the freedom that’s so important to her character.

Once she returns, seeing this grief that her actions caused, particularly to Ruby, will get her to realize more that her actions can have serious repercussions. She made a choice, but that choice hurt the people she loves. She must have known that it would but I’m not sure she ever realized just how much.

I didn’t want this post to be heavy in the shipping department, so I largely left it out, but I am going to say this one thing that could have an impact. If Nuts & Dolts is on its way to being canon, which this volume makes it feel highly likely, this could be a catalyst.

It could prompt an arc for the both of them in which Penny learns to live her life fighting for her loved ones, rather than sacrificing it for them. A relationship could potentially start from there. And Ruby seeing Penny learn these things may also help her to stop doing the occasional but very dangerous and reckless things she does. Ruby witnessing Penny coming to terms with what she did to the people that care about her would actually make her stop to think “wait, is this how everyone else would feel if I got myself killed?” That would be a very important moment of character growth for her.

I’m certain there are other significant things that Penny returning can bring to the show. And there are definitely more sections I could add to this. At this point though, assuming anyone even made it this far, I think I’ve been going long enough already. So let’s just roll into the outro!

As painful and hopeless as it seems, I'm choosing to trust them with this because there is absolutely no way they didn't see backlash coming. The way this finale went makes me think that they calculated for backlash and aren’t jumping into something they don’t have a plan to recover from. Whether this trust is unfounded or not remains to be seen, but I don’t think it is currently. I do think, however, that the cause of this backlash was a major misstep. Now that it has happened though, they have a chance to do something good with it.

I know for a lot of you, trust in CRWBY has been damaged, some even irreparably so. And for those that feel this way, I don’t blame you. My trust in them took a hit too, but isn’t broken completely yet. There are many ways that they can bring her back that would make sense with the narrative, they have the ability to make it right, and after going over all of the hints and general weirdness of things many times, I think they will.

I'm feeling pretty confident now and I really didn't expect that to happen at all to be honest. But discussing and theorizing with the discord server seriously helped get my hopes back up surprisingly fast! It’s actually thanks to all of them that this gigantic post even happened! So thanks a ton my fellow Dolts! And a special thanks to!!

@arcana-amicus

@catontheweb

@cosmokyrin

@gaydontmesswithme224

@jammatown919

@shadow-0f-x

They really helped get this thing across the finish line!

And thank YOU for reading all~ of this! I sincerely wish it gave you some of the hope and confidence that I now have!

[vibraniumwing]

the truth in your eyes.

a bucky barnes x fem!reader blurb wherein the reader shows bucky that someone does trust him.

WARNING: TFATWS SPOILERS, bucky having flashbacks, aside from that nothing else. (maybe a dash of angst if you squint just enough)

A/N: so as you all know, episode four was a rollercoaster of emotions for everyone and well that one scene where bucky was finally set free tore me into a million pieces, making me sob so hard (the hardest since the last episode of wandavision) and gave me so much muse. listened to hate to see your heartbreak by paramore while writing this. totally didn’t cry while re-watching those scenes for this fic. (sobbed even more when i listened to safe and sound bye)

beta read by these two lovelies: @anchoeritic and @harrysweasleys but mistakes are all mine!

---

“...Hail HYDRA” was all that left Bucky’s lips as he easily snapped the neck of the man that he pursued in another mission as the Winter Soldier. His face was blank and cold as he stood there, eyes gazing over the lifeless body of the man in front him before looking at the other man standing by the end of the hallway, practically frozen with fear.

The sound of his boots were resonating in the hallway, overpowering the clatter of the keys of the man as he tried his best to unlock his hotel room. Panic consumed him as he felt The Winter Soldier’s presence draw nearer to him, “P-Please, I didn’t see anything,” He begged, avoiding the super assassin’s intimidating gaze.

Fear creeping into his system as he knew he was facing his untimely death as the stare of the man made him cower even more in fear, his breath staggered as he spoke, “I- I didn’t see anything.” He repeated profusely, unable to control his sobs as the gun was easily pointed to him, eyes closing as his demise came with a loud

BANG

Bucky jolted awake, sweat accumulating on his forehead, his body flushed despite the cold air that drifted through the room. His head turned to the cause of the sudden sound only to see your water bottle on the floor and your siamese cat, Steve, replacing its spot. He shifted his attention to you, wanting to make sure that you weren’t disturbed in your sleep.

The corner of his lips turned into a smile to see you deep in your slumber, your plush tiers slightly ajar as soft snores escaped. You looked so snug and harmless in his shirt, its size making you seem smaller as you were drowning in the clothing piece.

He slowly made his way out of your bed, slipping away to the kitchen to grab some milk to calm down his nerves. His steps were quiet, creeping around the apartment, scared he might accidentally wake you up and the last thing he wants is to disrupt you from your good night’s rest.

Bucky knew the layout of your apartment’s layout like the back of his hand, easily making his way towards the fridge where he grabbed his carton of chocolate milk that you bought especially for him, knowing about the secret love for sweets the man has. Grabbing a mug, he poured the cold drink and placed it inside the microwave, heating it up.

He then leaned back into the kitchen island, arms crossed together as he was still deep in thought, the terror of the innocent man that The Winter Soldier killed haunting him as he knew he had to make amends with his father once he gained the courage to do so. His right arm covering his mouth as he let a frustrated groan, wanting nothing more than to have these dreams stop haunting him.

“It is time” Ayo said from across the fire, spear in her hand as she looked at Bucky with a determined look.

He was less than half of the man he was at present, broken and lost as the Wakandans took him in and helped him regain control over his mind, hoping to give him some sort of stability in his life. Hiis eyes cast down and was focused on the fire in front of him, its warmth giving him a sense of comfort, “You sure about this?” he questioned, voice laced with a mixture of despair and hope.

“I won’t let you hurt anyone” The warrior reassured, staying silent for a moment to give way for Bucky to ready himself. She walked towards him slowly as she started off, “желание” her voice the only thing heard aside from the gust of wind and the crackle of the campfire. “Ржавый”

“...семнадцать” and that’s when he felt it. Flashbacks of him and Steve’s fight along the highway of New York coming back to him, the first time he encountered him after years of no contact; he didn’t even know himself when Steve called him Bucky. His struggle as Zemo got a hold of the infamous red notebook that holds his trigger words, activating the Winter Soldier that caused disruption amongst the avengers.

“добросердечный, добрый. девять” Ayo continued, watching him intently, seeing the struggle that was clear as day on his face. Bucky continued to have his memories thrown at him, seeing the destruction he caused as something he wasn’t, causing him to erupt in tears.

“Один” His torment under the hands of HYDRA causing him great pain as he fought everything under his willpower to keep everything contained. Bucky’s tears were uncontrollable as realization hit him.

“грузовой вагон” Ayo finished, looking at him with a warm and proud smile, relief evident in her demeanor as she spoke, “You’re free.” causing him to erupt into a sob.

Those two words echoing in his mind as he finally felt free, a heavy weight lifted off from his shoulders, feeling himself gain control over the monster that lived inside him; overjoyed and relieved that he can start the journey of being free from there. He was finally James Buchanan Barnes again.

“Bucky!” a voice disconnected him from his train of thought, head whipping to the side where he saw you, clad in just his shirt as you hugged the pillow with one arm, the other raised as you rubbed the sleep off from your eyes. “Your milk is cold again.” you stated, dropping the pillow as you walked in front of him, wrapping your arms around his bare torso.

He was quick to reciprocate the hug, holding you close to him. “You shouldn’t be up yet, doll.” His voice was gruff, trying his best to hold back the tears that welled up in his eyes, pressing a quick kiss to the crown of your head before burying his face against your neck, inhaling your scent that he found comfort in.

“The cold is bed without you.” You mumbled softly, feeling drowsier than ever as the heat from his body was enough to lull you back into slumber. Your jumbled sentence made him chuckle, further proving his point that you should be sleeping.

But you knew Buck like the back of your hand, he would only drink his chocolate milk hot if there was something he wanted to clear his mind so you pulled away just enough for you to look at him, your e/c orbs meeting his icy blue ones that showcase so much emotion that his face couldn’t convey. “What’s wrong, James?”

His brows furrowed for a second upon your use of his real name, knowing that you were serious about your question, “Nothing, baby. I’m fine.” He reassured, squeezing you lightly in his arms, hoping that you would buy his alibi but you weren’t fooled despite your sleepy state.

“You only drink your chocolate milk warm if you have something on your mind, so please, James. Tell me.” You pleaded, your innocent state tugging Bucky at the heartstrings as he flipped your position, easily lifting you to sit on the kitchen island as he positioned himself in the middle of your legs, his arms not leaving your frame.

“I… I had another nightmare.” Buck started off, his voice was still as low as before, but it was laced with a hint of brokenness as he recalled the horror of his dream. “You know the recurring one I’ve been dealing with? That one.” he didn’t want to go into detail about anything, finding it hard to find the right words to use. “I… I still feel like a monster.”

You shushed him, pulling away to let your hands rest on his shoulders, your eyes meeting his once again. “You’re not a monster, Buck. You never were.” Which was true, you were the few who believed that he was innocent and not a cold-hearted killer like everyone believes him to be. “You didn’t have a choice一 so please don’t blame yourself for any of this,”

Your smaller hands found its spot on the sides of his face, wiping the tears that glistened on his skin as the moonlight hit him, highlighting the beauty of his eyes even more. “It would take a person with real empathy to see the truth in your eyes. Those beautiful eyes that have shown me nothing but love and adoration, you have my trust Buck. You have me, Sam, and… Steve. You have us.”

Bucky was silent, taking in your words before nodding, his larger hands engulfing yours as he held them, giving them a reassuring squeeze. “Thank you, Y/N. For always believing in me, for trusting me.”

“Always, James. Always.”

---

TAGLIST: @https-bvcky @luana @harrysweasleys @weasleytwins-41 @anchoeritic @lunalovecroft

those whose usernames are in bold, i cannot tag you for some weird reason. join my taglist! it's located in my main masterlist!

[elriell]

Some thoughts on Poppy x Cass x Kieran & The Joining.

After some awesome chats with the wonderful peeps ( @silverlinedeyes , @azriiel , @rhyssescups & @azrielisababe​ ) I think that there are several little tidbits that really hint at The Joining or potentially more, I know it is a pretty mixed bag of opinions but here are some of mine. [Spoilers: TCOGB]

Implication vs. Foreshadowing

“Casteel’s arm curled, tightening around my shoulder, drawing me closer. My breath snagged as his movement triggered Kieran. He shifted behind me, and my pulse felt like a trapped bird. A sleek, muscled thigh slid between mine, pressing in. I had no idea if it was Casteel’s or Kieran’s.”

“I didn’t know when I’d stopped thinking about the fact that it wasn’t just Casteel’s body that touched mine, it wasn’t his chest that my head fell back against.”

“But that wasn’t the only explanation for why I was so warm. Heat pressed against my back. A heavy arm lay over my waist and a leg was tucked between mine.”

The first time they... have fun, he does so with Kieran nearby.

She could have easily left the joining in the air, having implied it but not intending to follow through yet we get 23 mentions, alongside several moments of highly sexual/emotional connection between the three.

Instead throughout the book we are slowly introduced to the prospect of the three of them gently, coaxing them in to the storyline repeatedly through AKOFAF.

“Cass is too jealous...” 

“A ghost of a smile appeared. “And then he’d be…intrigued.”

My mouth opened, but my mind took that and leapt with it. I had nothing to say. Absolutely nothing, but I thought about what I had read about the wolven and the Atlantians. There was a bond between some of them, and while not much was known about what that bond entailed, I was confident that a Prince was of the class that wolven would be bonded to. I wanted to ask, but considering I was in a tub and naked, now wasn’t the time.”

There is way to much we do not know about their bond, or their past to make that statement in my opinion, I think ordinarily I would agree, except with Kieran, he is the one person I could see Cass trusting with Poppy.

Not to mention textually speaking, he brings it up plenty and never seems offended by the idea. 

“I’m not judging either.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “You’re not?”

“I’m not,” I insisted.

“So, you’re interested then?” he murmured.”

“Did you bookmark the chapters detailing how Willa spent afternoons entertaining not one but two suitors, one in front and the other—?”

“You seem to know a lot about that book.”

“I love that fucking book,” he said, and my jaw ached from how hard I was clenching it. “So, you’re interested then, Princess. What a wild side you have.”

“Look, I know you’re not looking for this marriage to go beyond the necessary,” he said, and that strange, stupid ache in my chest pulsed. “So, it’s not even something you need to worry about. But the Joining is meant to strengthen the bond that’s already there, and ensure that the partner is also a part of that bond. It’s not done lightly, and again, it is not always a sexual thing. I know it’s been done where everyone kept their body parts to themselves.”

“I can always read to you,” Casteel offered. “I still have a certain diary with me. There is a chapter I’m sure you’ll be interested in. Miss Willa has the same sleeping arrangement—”

“No. Nope.” I screwed my eyes closed. “Not necessary.”

“Are you sure?” Casteel seemed to have wiggled closer. His entire leg pressed against mine.”

All of these instances are in reference to the Joining/Kieran. Never does he imply jealousy or something he would disagree with, if anything we are told how much stronger it would make the bond (though we have yet to see where it stands) and also include Poppy. You cannot convince me that she would bring this Joining up so many time only to have it never come to fruition.

 Potential Breadcrumbs

“A hundred different thoughts and emotions exploded through me, so many, so fast, I couldn’t make sense of them.”

This is during the cuddle scene, this really screams foreshadowing for her emotions and the tug-of-war she is going to undergo! 

“I…” I looked around, seeing nothing but thick fog and Kieran standing above us, staring behind me and breathing just as heavily as Casteel. Confusion swept through me.”

“Just as heavily as Casteel.” interesting choice of words.

So while we are on the topic let’s speak about Poppy & Kieran;

“Reaching for the blanket, I tugged it to my waist. A muscle flexed in Kieran’s jaw. “He didn’t force himself on you?”

“You’re okay?” Kieran asked, and I felt Casteel nod. “Penellaphe?”My tongue felt heavy, but I managed to work out a muffled, “Yes.”

He is not only focused on Casteel’s wellbeing but also Poppy’s. We also get significant growth between them and their comfort with each other...

“He lifted his brows. “Are you worried about me?” Crossing my arms, I nodded.

“Don’t be nice to me,” he replied, and I sensed amusement from him. “It weirds me out.”

“Sorry.” He smiled then as he walked to where I stood. “You don’t sound remotely sorry.” I grinned at him.

“Do me a favor,” Kieran said, looking down at me. “Protect your Prince, Poppy.”

They both understand each other because they both understand their love for Casteel and desire to protect him.

“Still caring for him would only lead to heartache,” I whispered, knowing the truth right then and there. I did care. I never stopped caring. And acknowledging that felt as if I’d slipped under the black water.

“It doesn’t have to,” Kieran said. “But even so, sometimes, the heartbreak that comes with loving someone is worth it, even if loving that person means eventually saying goodbye to them.”

The roughness in his tone spoke more than his words shared. “You sound like you have experience with that.”

This is so cryptic. Either way, it is a beautiful scene where they are opening up to each other and being genuine, not to mention the subtle hints at it being “worth it” despite the pain. Could Kieran have love/d Cas? We know from JLA that she said that most Wolven are Bi/Poly.

“I wasn’t sure how I could come to terms with it even when I had time. “I don’t...”

“You don’t want this.” Kieran finished for me, his wintry gaze meeting mine. 

We can only speculate what this is referring to but I don’t think it is strange to think it could be the Joining, not to mention JLA said she wrote a scene that was unlike any of the smut she has ever done before and it occurs at the beginning of the book or near it... I am guessing something will urge them to need to do the joining, perhaps to reform the bond between Kieran and Cass that was severed.

This goes hand in hand with my theory that something will happen that separates them and has Poppy/Kieran having to go on a mission for Cass either with or without him. I think this could be how she finds a way to balance out the scales in the development in their relationships as PoppyCass has a full book more than with Kieran.

Not to mention this early review of the book mentions “sharing” & “watching” this heavily implies the Joining could happen.

Kieran & Cass

“If I had turned to Casteel in my sleep, Kieran had also turned, as if Casteel were a magnet that drew both of us.”

I strange turn of phrase. My thoughts are if a Poly Ship or alike were ever to happen there would need to be complete trust, a lack of jealousy and be functional much like HeronGrayStairs. 

I truly believe the potential is there between PoppyCassKieran.

“Disbelief and anger radiated from him, but I felt something else, something deeper that was warm and stronger than the anger. “I know why you’re doing this,” Kieran whispered.”

“Casteel said nothing for a long moment and then said, “It’s not the only reason.” Words went unsaid between them, but were understood nonetheless.”

Their bond is undeniably strong and I truly believe there is more to it than meets the eye, unquestionably they love each other, the question remains how.

“When a bonded elemental takes on a partner, the bond can be extended to that person. It requires an exchange of blood between the three—or the four if the partner is also bonded. And the exchange of blood…well, it is quite…” He cleared his throat as his cheeks flushed. “It can become very intimate. In a way that would most likely make you very uncomfortable.”

I just can’t see why she would make such a show of the Joining for no payoff in the next book.

“First off,” he said, struggling for breath, “I don’t think anyone is going to expect that.” From you seemed to hang unsaid between us.”

Not to mention the fact there is little secrets between them, when no one else was told about Poppy’s gift Kieran was. When no one (Malek aside) knew about Shea but Kieran, and now Poppy.

It is a recurring theme that the three of are very open with each others secrets. 

And I can only imagine it growing in the next book. 

This ^^^^ just make me believe more and more we are getting some major Kieran development and book time, going along with my theory him and Poppy will be going to be spending time together for some reason.

So in summary, I think there is little doubt in my mind that the Joining will happen and potentially even a ship born.