#but the narration at the beginning only said no one ever returns

[strawbellyx3]

Some thoughts on JinMao in The Apothecary Diaries LN (spoilers)

I love how Maomao's love for Jinshi is written in the Light Novel. She's an unreliable narrator and can't put a name on what she feels for a long time and heck, for the most time she doesn't even want to. The beginning of volume 6 showing this perfectly when she didn't want to leave Jinshi's hair stick behind, carried it with her and when she slept, she kept it near her chest because she didn't want to have it anywhere where she could see it. The symbolism *chef kiss* (she doesn't want to face her feelings but also still carries them close to her chest)

She purposely chooses to avoid thinking about any potential feelings for Jinshi and at the end of the same volume it's also stated that she does have some kind of affection for him that she can't yet put into words.

For readers, it's easy to view Maomao's avoidant attitude as disinterest. Even more so paired with how she doesn't seem to ever be nervous around Jinshi. But really, we don't need blushy nervous Maomao to understand what she's feeling. Her feelings come to show everytime she worries about Jinshi's well being and goes out of her way to get him to eat and rest, takes time of her own day to make sure that he's well.

When at the beginning, she always considered him bringing all these tasks to her as bothersome. Maomao just wanted to experiment with poison and make medicine, she didn't want to spend time on anything else, really.

Then, in volume 9 she's even willing to give up her agency if it meant helping ease his burdens.

Maomao, miss "I don't want to have anything to do with this, this is bothersome" tells him to use all of her. Use her until she falls apart. (while kabedoning him, love Maomao being an absolute girlboss even when she tells him to use her)

She's worried by his selflessness. How he's unable to use other people to reach his goals and shoulders everything on his own, wanting to save everyone. Maomao gets upset by it and worries he'd never get anything in return and become as luckless in life as her adoptive father. Who carries the same selflessness and kindness.

I don't think we talk enough about how much it means for Maomao to get to a point where she would rather get used by Jinshi than to see him exhaust himself.

This whole scene afterwards is just..generally really heartwarming honestly.

(Volume 9 Chapter 20)

Her hands went to Jinshi’s cheek. “You’re only human, Master Jinshi. You’re not some mythical immortal who can save everyone.” She held his face in her hands, the fingers of her left hand brushing his scar. “You can be wounded, scarred, brought low. Only human.”

Who was she talking to? She knew Jinshi was standing in front of her, but for some reason she kept seeing Luomen’s face.

No wonder I’m so upset. The principle that drove Jinshi’s behavior seemed very similar to Luomen’s. She was afraid that if he went on like this, he would end up just as luckless in life as her old man. Just like Pops... He’d spent himself trying to rescue everyone and everything. Like a fool. He should have wanted more, been greedier, but instead he’d suffered his fate patiently. Suffered and suffered, and for what? To become an old man resigned to his empty hands. This was, it was fair to say, Maomao’s one criticism of her father. She’d felt it keenly in the affair with the Shaonese shrine maiden. She respected Luomen immensely. A man who never lost his kindness no matter what unhappiness he encountered was like a miracle. The price, though, was that his body and his heart were both battered. In time he became so that everything he did, he did in the expectation of defeat. Would Jinshi end up like him one day? Or— “Please, please don’t go doing anything else like burning a brand into your skin,” Maomao said. “I heard you...the first several times,” Jinshi replied. “Are you sure?” A smile flitted across Maomao’s face, and she slowly pulled her hands away.

[creamhoodie]

Home To You

A/N: Drabble about dating Kento Nanami, he's away on a mission, phone sex, more fluff than anything, not really dialogue driven more narration driven

Protective. 

That’s the adjective that always comes to your mind when thinking of how to describe your boyfriend, Kento Nanami. 

The two of you had only been dating a year but boyfriend felt like too casual of a word to describe what he was to you, it was too juvenile of a word as well. Nanami was different from past boyfriends, he was grounded, more mature and serious about the relationship. 

“You can call me your suitor or lover if you’d like,” he had told you once between placing kisses down the trail of your neck, as he was fond of doing. So a lover to you he was. In the beginning he had admitted to you that he had been hesitant to take on a relationship given his work as a jujutsu sorcerer was both laborious and dangerous. He had always wanted to settle down but the idea of leaving behind the woman he loved should he ever not return home made him feel immense guilt. Fear couldn’t stop love however, and like a moth to flame he had been drawn to your warmth and kindness.

You, who he had met through a chance encounter at a coffee shop. You had ordered before him, coincidentally ordering his usual coffee of choice before settling down with said drink to type away at your laptop. He had thought you were beautiful the first time he ever saw you and you had thought he was handsome as well. Though it took about six routine encounters of this nature before he had finally decided to speak with you. He had made some joke about the two of you frequenting the shop so often and ordering the same drink, light banter about who had copied who had played out. Before he knew it you had made your way into his heart and there was no getting you out. 

On your first real date he had been transparent with you. 

“You fascinate me. I want to get to know you more but I need to let you know that being involved with me runs its own risks that I can’t in good faith keep hidden from you,” he had said. 

“Is that so?” you inquired. You knew a little of him already, about his previous employment as a stockbroker and based on this lavish restaurant with French cuisine he had brought to you, it was easy to estimate he was financially set. 

He had leaned forward, deep brown eyes peering at you from above his interesting frames. That’s when he had laid it all on you, the truth about the jujutsu sorcerer world. He already knew you couldn’t see curses with you having ignored a pathetic low level one that had clung to your dress earlier that night (he had eliminated it when you weren’t looking). Moreover, he didn’t sense a hint of cursed energy from you. You were perfectly normal. You could afford to look away and turn your back to his world, the way he had tried to but his morality and conscience had pulled him back in. 

“So you understand being with me has its risks. My enemies could try to use you as leverage against me. I want you to know I’d always do my utmost to protect you, but this is the situation you need to be aware of should you choose to continue to see me,” he had said fully expecting you to call him crazy, after all humans like you who couldn’t see curses didn’t know of them. The knowledge of the world of sorcery wasn’t common at all; only selected individuals were cursed with that burden, and now here he was pulling you, sweet innocent you into his world of peril and risk. 

Rather than calling for him to be committed, you had simply leaned in the way he had done telling him: “I’m not afraid.” 

Then he had made love to you that very night. It wasn’t his typical fashion to make love so soon as he didn’t want it to seem as he only wanted you for your body but the attraction between the two of you was so strong, a flickering candle that threatened to burst into a forest fire. In the end, he hadn’t been able to help himself. 

You had been just an equal of a participant, your hand having rested on his lap throughout dinner and never breaking contact with his own intense eyes. 

Those eyes that as he had made love to you, you were at last able to see full on without his peculiar lenses. In his dark room, lit only from the city lights shining in through the window of his penthouse apartment, fully undressed with his hair slicking down on his forehead he looked younger and more wild. He was chivalrous in bed, the focus on your pleasure yet he was still every bit as passionate as a man that had been craving this skin to skin contact for so long. His kisses were tongue filled and intoxicating, his strokes long and rhythmic each bringing you two closer to the climax of your symphony. 

Afterwards, when the two of you were laying in bed together, your face nuzzled into his chest as he stroked your hair, a thought occurred to him: who would protect you when he was away?

“I need to teach you some things, so you can defend yourself,” he said. 

From then on, he had given you a crash course of sorts about curses, their grade level and what to expect. Though you had no cursed energy of your own, he had insisted you keep at least two weapons imbued with cursed energy with you. One of the weapons was discreet enough to accompany you throughout the day in your purse. The other resided in his penthouse where you had moved in with him and it offered extra assurance for when he had to go away. 

Times like now. 

“Doors locked? Stove off?” He asked you over the phone.

“Yes, Kento,” you replied, settling down on the leather couch. These questions of his were routine check ups every night that he was gone and you were used to it. 

“What about the cursed weapons?” He asked. 

“I have them with me,” you replied, knowing they were underneath your shared bed as always. 

“Good girl and you have Gojo on speed dial?” he asked this last question, voice tight. He wasn’t particularly fond of his fellow sorcerer and he was even less fond of soliciting another man’s help in your protection, but Satoru Gojo wasn’t any ordinary man and if it meant you were safe then that was all that mattered. So despite being notoriously private, he had opened up to his white haired peer about his relationship with you and entrusted you in his care should an emergency arise while he was away. Gojo had been eager to oblige and maybe entrusting you with him was the truest testament for how much faith he had in the blue eyed sorcerer because you were more precious to Nanami than the blood in his veins. 

“Yes, Kento I do,” you replied. 

“That’s my good girl,” he said, finally allowing himself to breathe.

Always the same questions every night he was away, and it was always the same answers but they were the medicine he needed to soothe his worries, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

“Kento I miss you. It’s so lonely here without you,” you said.

Your voice was like honey and he could just imagine you, so small in comparison to him, curled up in either the bed or couch. 

“I miss you too. Every moment I’m away from you is excruciating,” he said truthfully. The hotel he was staying at was no substitute for his bed back home with you. 

He heard the shift in your breathing. Prompting him to ask: “are you touching yourself my darling?” 

“Yes,” you replied shyly at having been caught. 

He chuckled. 

“Keep going, you deserve to feel so good. You know I’d never deny you pleasure,” he said. He began to palm at himself through his pants, already sensing a hint of pre forming on the tip of his cock.

“Doesn’t feel as good as when you do it though, Kento,” you whined, though your panting let him know you were following his instruction to pleasure yourself all the same. 

He unzipped his pants, slipping his cock out of his boxers until he held it in his hand. As suspected, a waning drop of precum coated his pink base. 

“Believe me, angel I know. I miss your touch as well,” he said through gritted teeth. 

“Should have taken me with ‘chu,” you said, words slurring into moans as you played with yourself. 

You had pitched that idea to him before, but the risk of you getting harmed in a mission was not one he was willing to take. He’d never forgive himself if you got hurt. 

All the same, with the way you were making him feel, he agreed that he wished you were here, lapping at the drop of pre that had dripped down his length. Oh how he’d love to have your mouth wrapped around him now like so many times before. 

“Ah-careful darling you’re making me regret leaving you behind,” he teased as he stroked himself. He imagined it was your hand getting him off, though his large veiny hand ruined the illusion yours were much more small and soft. 

His phone took the dial tone letting him know it was prompting him to accept a video call. 

Little minx, he thought to himself. 

He accepted the video chat. 

And there you sat, on the leather couch. The camera was facing your spread legs so he had a full view of your exposed sex as you fingered yourself. 

“Kento..” you moaned his name softly. 

He cursed, biting his lip so hard it drew blood as he continued to stroke himself. He flipped the camera so you could watch as he pleasured himself as well. 

“Look at what you do to me,” he said grunting at the sensitivity of the act. 

He was usually so well put together, a man of dignity, but only you were his undoing. 

“Want it inside me so bad,” you moaned. Trust, he wanted to be inside of you as well, he was addicted to the deep warmth only your cunt could provide. It was why despite working long hours and unpredictable overtime, he always made sure to sink himself into you. 

“Soon. When I get home it will be. Rub your clit for me,” he commanded. 

You did so, his name spilling from your lips in a completely desperate and frantic manner. He stroked himself faster now intent on finishing at the same time as you. 

“Kento.. so fucking close,” you whimpered.

“I know- ah fuck- I am too,” he replied, sounding every bit as lustful as you. 

It happened simultaneously, the two of you reaching your orgasm, and he let out a shaky grunt as his cum came in bursts. 

“I miss you so much, Kento,” you whispered, your voice had a hint of melancholy to it. 

“I miss you too,” he said. He didn’t mind the mess he had made because of you (even though before you he would have found it rather tedious) instead he found himself wishing you were here. That’s a bridge he could never cross though, your safety was everything and he couldn’t ever risk you being hurt. So instead the two of you would partake in this little dance: the routine questions and answers on the phone and the call of pleasuring each other.

“I love you. I know it’s hard right now but I’ll come home to you. I promise.”

And it’s a promise he intended to keep no matter what, because you made everything worth it. While his heart beats and as long as he has breath he’d find his way home to you.

[yxstxrdrxxm]

SYNOPSIS: Kazuha, a well-known tailor in Inazuma, had a spouse. It's only a shame that his spouse is known for their 'infidelity' in his eyes. [ songfic ]

TW/S: Yandere tendencies, stalking, minor and major character death/s, emotional manipulation in a way, gore, violence, fire/arson, sewing... questionable fabric, unreliable narrator, shifting POVs, dead dove: do not eat, dollification, delusional thinking, Kazuha progressively loses it till the end, beheading, oh God this fic and tws are long Im so sorry―

NOTE: During the fic, it is recommended to listen to "The Tailor of Enbizaka". It will make sense when you read through this fic :)

(also, I apologize if this took a while for me to write. I got busy and writer's block hit me :( anyways, second work and its the best boy! Though, I hope you all don't blame me for fucking him up. Also also!! This is very much a long, LONG fic— like 2k+ long, so 🫡 gl soldier, I'll see if I don't need to make this to a 2 part series)

(update: this fic took 6k words, good luck y'all, this one is a WILD ride)

In Inazuma, there is a tale that is shared by many about a crimson clad man and his lover.

The others never settled on what he looked during the day before his death, nor were they sure what his prior job was before he became a tailor. However, they always complimented him for his looks and his skill, knowing that whatever he used as his own special fabric would be tailored and taken care of well.

Even with one full of holes and tears, he is gifted with the ability to patch them up till it was brand new. In the village he lived in, he was regarded for having such a talent, and he had his shop open and full of visitors.

However, the only thing that made people question him was his behavior. Despite how mild-manner the tailor was, he often comments on how his beloved darling refused to come home and continues to cheat on him.

Many those that still lived during the time said the crimson-eyed tailor acted delusional, but just how far can those delusions go?

No one knows but the man himself... And the one who persecuted him, too.

It was that year since I've seen my beloved after the accident.

A year that, when I saw them, I've longed to see them and speak to them about our time together as a married couple.

To begin with, I am Kaedehara Kazuha, or― as the townsfolk here call me, the 'Crimson-Eyed Tailor'. Although I am highly regarded for my craftsmanship, many told me that I am odd for my adoration for my beloved maple.

Why is it that odd? I thought all married couples do this, even if some think that it feels off.

Besides that, however, my darling isn't quite aware of my... Endeavors. More specifically, their streak of getting out for hours, perhaps days and weeks, and not even coming around to speak to me.

I am bound to them by an oath when we were married: we both drank sake together under that faithful light of the moon, with only nature watching over us. However, it would seem as if they have forgotten that, and ended up cheating on me in broad daylight.

Like they had no such shame.

Alas, I am but their husband, and I can't simply get mad at my beloved spouse. I know they did no wrong, for they sometimes meet with others as an act of being 'friendly'.

So while I focused on fixing the kimono, I've began to hear something that had been passed around in the village.

Something related to my darling's little ventures.

"I have spoken to [Name] about the matters in their marriage recently," one of the ladies spoke, her voice not so soft enough to conceal who she was speaking about as I fixed the fabric in my hands.

"And from what they told me, they're getting their kimono fixed for when their lover returns home!"

I simply continued on sewing, but the lady's next words had me flinch.

"Ah, they've been married for years, aren't they? And it seems they even have their shiromuku ever since their marriage to sir Kamisato Ayato. How romantic!"

...

The blood continues to spill on my finger, with the needle that I used pricking it when I've lost focus and got too careless.

How uncouth.

From the tale shared by the folks of Narukami Island, they talked about the crimson-eyed tailor's marriage with his supposed 'spouse': an immigrant of sorts from Fontaine, traversing to Inazuma to meet with their lover.

Their relationship together is strange. From the accounts of those with prying eyes, they said that he was the only one putting an effort to their relationship, and they wished to take it slow.

However, there are those that disagreed, saying that it had been the other way around— and it was he who wished for them to slow down.

No one can decide what the tailor had done, for they can't even tell if his desires were to rush or to slow down. But what can be confirmed is one thing everyone kept saying.

He doesn't like his trust being broken.

It had been days after hearing what I did.

I hadn't seen my dearest beloved in those days, and the day I saw them had been when the heir of the Kamisato clan had returned.

I had been busy as ever in sewing till I realized that I'm running out of thread. I don't have any spares, and I'm well aware that there are a few shops that sell supplies for sewing.

And so, on a lazy afternoon, I've got out of my shop in the hopes that I can catch the store to buy the supplies I needed.

The soft sound of wood hitting the pavement greeted my ears, alongside hushed murmuring and discussing with the commonfolk. I greeted a few that noticed me in passing, but they were swift to return to the people they were speaking to prior.

It was a mundane thing, really. But it was the type that felt familiar.

Turning a few corners, I managed to locate the shop I was looking for. Walking up the stairs, I waved at the lady taking care of the store—

—not before my ears perked up at the soft chattering in the distance.

My eyes trailed over to the source, and then, I see them.

My beloved maple.

I saw that they were conversing with the heir of the Kamisato clan, his hand reaching over to hand them a small gift: a small box, with the ribbon being the color of purple. I spot the gleam of gold on top of the ribbon, which eludes me to think that it is the insigna of the clan crested in gold.

How tacky.

I had to hold back the urge to stop them as their conversation was hard to discern, my focus back on the woman running the shop with the supplies I require.

"Hello, madame," I greeted, making the woman smile and nod in greeting as well. "Do you need fabric again, Kaedehara?"

I chuckled, but it was only to mask the bits of instability in my voice.

"Oh, not fabric, madame. I simply desire thread. I have ran out of red and black, and I didn't want to delay the commission I had from monsieur Lyney. Do you have any right now?"

"Red and black thread, hm? I can check at the back. Please give me a moment to look."

With a bow, the seamstress turned around to leave. With that, I let go of the breath I held and turned my gaze back to the bridge, just a few ways away from where my beloved sunset was at.

Watching the two figures, I couldn't help but simply stared at the attire that the heir wore.

Montsuki Haori Hakama: that usually means black or gray. I've known that colored kimonos were not worn with this in mind, and he certainly didn't wore anything that would be too straining.

Still, that shade of black is made of high quality. I'm not surprised if he wore it so rarely, as though to preserve the detail and its intricate work from his very own seamstress.

...

I wonder if I can take it?

Watching the two descend from the bridge, my eyes wandered back to the lady as she returned with the spools of thread, all varying in degrees of color and quality.

"Here you are, Kaedehara! These are the best I can find that fit the colors you asked for."

My eyes twinkled as I took the spools to my hands, my fingers turning and nudging the thread to see just how strong it is.

Interesting. Good quality, too... Maybe I can use this to finish that outfit I've been saving for a while.

"Thank you, madame," I thanked her, making her laugh. "Oh, it's not a problem, Kaedehara! You've done so much for this little town of ours, this is but a simple thing to repay for your efforts!"

With a nod, I paid the seamstress and turned back down to descend from the bustling upper part of the town, the sight of what happened in the bridge a bit further away bothering me from within.

No matter, Kazuha, I mused, carrying the items I required as I felt myself walk back home. Even if you want to get rid of him, it will be much too complicated. You simply need to be patient and wait till the opportunity comes.

...

Although, whoever made his clothes... I wonder if I can speak to them to inquire about their techniques.

The first case that started this was a cold one.

One that is related to a person no one knew so highly about, be it by their background, appearance, and even their name. All they were known for is being the 'tailor' for one of the clans.

There had been a lack of evidence and information about this due to how many tailors had been requested all across Inazuma at the time. It was understandable that people chalked up to them being missing as nothing more than an unfortunate case, not one worthy of being dug into.

Others had suspected that it had been associated with something else, that something (or someone) had done this deliberately. There was no evidence to this, but their claims were loud as they were bold, making it difficult to ascertain its authenticity.

However, the masses have all agreed that this was a normal occurrence. It was not one worth noting, because there had been a lot more that spoke of the same tale, always eluding to their fate being that they were murdered.

It was, unfortunately, the 'norm' of the village in the legend. A norm that, if the people of Inazuma heard it today, would have turned their heads in disgust for how abhorrent it sounds.

Still, many remained curious of the biggest what if that seem to echo in their mind.

Was the tailor associated with his sins?

The Kamisato clan has had it's ups and downs, and it isn't strange to see that they were seeking out talented tailors and workers to work under them.

What was surprising (to everyone), however, was that the head of the clan hired me to work as the Kamisato Clan's personal tailor.

The reasoning behind it was quite simple, especially with what the heir spoke to me when he and I met in the morning when I was to be summoned in the estate— due to his personal tailor (a family friend, he said) going missing for days, they were unable to track down his whereabouts and presumed that he has gone missing.

I was only hired as a "replacement" for the clan's special tailor till then, and he made it extremely clear that there was nothing else to it. Nothing that would spell the fact that I will permanently stay in that position.

Of course, to many, this may sound as an odd deal. There are so many tailors such as myself that would die to be consulted on, to work as the head of the clan's seamstress and work for their outfits. And perhaps, in their naivety, they may consider it as their efforts finally paying off in some way.

However, I have been in a clan myself before. This is nothing more if not a business deal.

A deal between one rising clan, and one whose surname has lost it's widely known heritage.

This only benefits the Kamisato Clan in the effort to save face. To save face of the potential backlash they'll deal with should any information of the missing clan's tailor be brought to light to everyone who remain blissfully ignorant of the innerworkings of the clan.

I would normally deny this kind of offer, mostly because there is no benefit for me to join and work for them. However, times have changed, and I simply reconsidered denying Kamisato Ayato's offer.

... There is a few benefits to me joining. It may be minimal, but it is better than scrounging around in the dark.

And so, I agreed to the offer.

The arrangements set for me to move was quite swift. I'm aware that that he is a man of his word, so it was quite easy for us to prepare my living arrangements and move to the estate.

With the supplies I get from the clan, it's been easy to stay put and gather information to the person I'm targeting.

... That was, until that day came.

I remember it clearly: it was the ends of fall, where the maple leaves fell more and more around the estate's grounds. This usually signified the coming of winter, so I usually savor the season by having time off to admire the scenery.

And in one of my walks, I had travelled from outside of the estate to see if things have changed.

Which, to my luck, I've encountered my darling beloved.

But just like last time, they were not alone.

In the journey of my wandering, I have seen them speak to the sibling of the older heir, Kamisato Ayaka, as they sit on the table outside of the Komore Teahouse.

From how far I am to the entrance of the teahouse, it gives me enough space to watch them interact like friends. The way that the Himegimi raised her fan to cover her face, perhaps from her eyes crinkling in amusement from what they told her...

... It was intriguing. Very intriguing.

So much so that I've felt the claws of envy grip in my chest, clutching its metal nails and making punctures on my already bleeding heart.

What a nuisance. Must you hurt me like this, darling?

I can hardly remember what happened after that. After all, my focus had been set on the two speaking to each other like they were simply companions, unknowing of what fate may bring upon them.

...

"Oh? Kazuha! I didn't notice you came to the Teahouse as well!"

My attention was swiftly pulled away from the sight of my dearest gem, and it landed on the familiar sight of olive eyes. From the appearance alone, many wouldn't think that an immigrant of Mondstadt would be a fixer.

Not even I would be able to see it happen.

However, this man had the skills to prove of his worth— after all, being Inazuma's 'fixer', he's often the go-to man to fix any and every problem that the Narukami Island and others may face.

Which makes him a glass canon— one that is volatile and unpredictable, even under the guise of a friendly face.

That is what Thoma is.

But this "glass cannon" has his weakness, and I know how to use it to my advantage.

Letting a smile slip to my lips, I chuckled, raising my hand to cover my mouth. "Well, I've been foretold by others about Komore Teahouse and it's history. I've been meaning to visit it, but I'm so busy fixing kimonos and making them to have time to spare."

A white lie, but then again, there are many of those that have been foretold in the waking of this world.

What does adding one do at this point? I'm already damned by the heavens the day I've seen the 'truth' of this fate of mine.

Just one lie wouldn't hurt, right?

"Haha, I can't blame you," the taller blonde seem to answer my query with his own, albeit he did seem to look more like he was at ease. Still, I needed to be weary; he can change sides if he so much as sensed that something is wrong.

"After all, with what the missing tailor in the clan circulating around the others in the estate, I'm even surprised that you manage to fill up in their position for months!"

... Oh? So he's noticed my talents, hm?

I shook my head.

"Oh, please. I'm just a humble tailor, Thoma," I reasoned, letting out a heavy sigh. "I have thought of asking them for advice on how they do their work, but since they're missing, all I can do is substitute for their absence."

He gave me an apologetic smile and nodded.

"That is true... I guess I'm just a bit too ecstatic to finally have someone that can fill in their role seamlessly. Lord Kamisato Ayato would've been panicking if we didn't have a replacement soon for his anniversary with his spouse."

... Spouse, huh?

"Hm... Is that so?"

I frowned in thought as I ponder over wanting to... Ask him for a favor. Sure, this one wouldn't do well on one's conscious mind if they knew, but it was simply for their sake.

It was all for them. I knew that.

It wouldn't hurt anyone if I asked Thoma to do this for me. At least, while I still have the chance to do so.

I can only hope the cannon does not think of shooting it's shot to me if I slipped up.

"Speaking of, Thoma, may I ask you for a favor?"

After the first missing case of the tailor, there had been more that were reported. The victims were all varied in their appearance, age, and even from where they used to live, be it in Narukami Island or even outside of Inazuma itself.

It was difficult to tell how many there were exactly, especially with how the legend is interpreted. Some said it was 20, while others said it was 50. This legend has been passed mouth to mouth, so details were not a key figure for a few to remember well.

However, every iteration has the same detail. The victims all had the same similarity as the tailor that simply went "missing".

All of them, in some way, were associated with certain individuals— one of them being his maple, where a few commented that they were the apple of the crimson man's eye.

From the legend and how it has been told, it is safe to assume that the motive was obvious from the first missing case.

It is akin of an open secret, if said secret was twisted to fit his ideals.

"Haven't you heard?"

"What? What is it?"

"The fixer, Thoma… He went missing just few days ago."

"What!?"

…

Ah, so he went missing like the others?

My ears had perked up at the news that we were told. Although Thoma is one many people never thought of being a 'target', the fact he went missing is... Odd.

"Perhaps he had done something," I heard one of the servants whisper amongst themselves, looking rather cautious. "After all, he's been very privy on a few things..."

"Yes, but he isn't the person I'd expect to vanish like that—"

"Shh—! People are going to hear you, you know! Keep it down!"

Hearing their footsteps echo as they take their leave, I turned back to what I have been working on. The sight of the kimono graced my vision as I raised the needle.

I began to sew the tears on it, letting out a soft hum while I fixed the black fabric from it's horrible state.

Slip, stitch, cut, sew.

Slip, stitch, cut, sew.

Slip, stitch, cut—

"Sir Kaedehara? Someone is looking for you."

...!

I felt the needle prick my finger, but I didn't say anything. With a quiet hum, I raised my head to see someone speak to me, their face grim as they shifted on their feet.

Ah.

Despite the feeling of blood pour onto the fabric, I smiled and nodded, putting down the fabric of the kimono I was fixing.

"I'll be right there. Please tell them to wait for me."

"Really? Oh, thank Archons. I'll get going."

Watching them take their leave, my eyes flit over to my scissors.

Still as sharp as ever, I mused, pushing myself to stand up before fixing my attire. Mayhaps today won't need it to be sharpened.

For now, I had to see what the client wants from me. It would simply be a shame if I leave them alone for far, far too long.

Mayhaps they're here to inquire about the kimono I made. I made sure to add my personal touch to it.

...

As I walked to where my client sought to look for me, I see a familiar sight befell in the grounds of the Kamisato Estate.

The himegimi is currently speaking to my betrothed like they are close companions, and the magician (Lyney was his name, I recall), had been listening to their discussion at hand.

His eyes seem to lit up when he saw me, offering me a welcoming grin.

"You must be the tailor that my sister assigned, aren't you?" he asked when I was close enough to hear him, making me chuckle. Taking a seat across, I simply nodded, keeping my professional smile and demeanor in fear of offending him.

"Indeed, I am that tailor. My name is Kaedehara Kazuha, it is a pleasure to meet you."

"Haha, please, the pleasure is all mine!"

The magician shook my hand with mine, and the meeting went as smoothly as one may expect. Although, I couldn't help but let my eyes wander sometimes to where my lover is.

You were speaking to Ayaka like she's a friend of yours. I shan't stop you, darling, but perhaps you aren't aware of the pain you put me through.

Still, I couldn't afford to raise my voice, nor can I think of hurting you with my actions.

How unfortunate. Mayhaps I need to teach you a lesson myself, my angel.

If there was one thing that the legend failed to elaborate, it is the state of the missing people. However, there were... Creative liberties to those that began to see if the legend was true; or, pray tell, associated with any real life events.

To the eyes of others, going missing is a serious deal. It sparks a lot of ideas for what could've happened to them, and especially if they are alive or dead.

Albeit many shrugged off the prior cases, this one was serious. After all, the one that went 'missing' is the fixer of Narukami Island— Thoma, the immigrant in the nation of lightning.

It is, after all, what sparked the eventual downfall of the crimson-eyed tailor and his beloved. Many had thought this was the turning point, but those that did were found to be wrong.

This, after all, was simply the beginning of such downfall. But it wasn't to his lover, the missing residents, or even his companions.

It was to himself, when he used the blades to commit a sin undeserving of forgiveness.

The news that brought upon the missing Himegimi greeted the Kamisato estate that day.

I remember how people were in a disarray. They were much more shaken as they tried to get any sort of lead to where she is, and for some, they were already thinking of quitting.

The estate is already shaken from when Thoma went missing, but now that the young heiress has up and disappeared— especially in winter— it was in chaos.

While I sew the kimonos handed to me, there was an obi that laid on the pile by my right. It was a bit worn, but it can still be saved.

I needed to fix it, and give it my own personal touch. That way, it wouldn't look as though it had been abandoned by it's past owner.

Alas, the noise is getting to me. I could feel the silk resting on my bandaged hand slip every once in a while, if it weren't for how tight I've been holding the fabric.

Slip, stitch, cut, sew.

Slip, stitch, cut, sew.

I needed to put my focus on what I'm doing. I needed to focus on the job.

Slip, stitch, cut, sew.

Slip, stitch, cut, sew.

I mustn't let blood nor dirt stain my creations.

That is what my mother taught me.

Slip, stitch, cut, sew.

Slip, stitch, cut, se—

"I apologize if the estate is in a disarray, detective," I hear a familiar voice speak amongst the hushed and panicked whispers. "The estate hasn't been the same ever since my retainer and my younger sibling had gone missing."

"Oh, it's alright! I'm sure this matter is too serious for you and the others to keep things organized."

"Haha... You can say that it is. Now, it's just right this way..."

... A detective is in the estate. How curious.

It wasn't right to snoop, but I was curious. Curious enough to have finished the kimono I was fixing before I stood to leave my quarters.

The others paid no heed as I followed after the two to Ayato's room, too focused to do what they were assigned to even bat an eye when I got close to where they were heading.

It was only when they were inside that I've stopped and simply bid my time, my focus set on what was happening by the shoji leading to his office. And it didn't took long till I hear things from the other side.

"Ah, so you think that someone is out for you?"

"Yes. Although I am normally adept in figuring out who it could be that's causing this to happen, I can't put heads or tails with how their presence eludes me."

"Man alive... And you said that it started when they went missing?"

"... Yes, detective."

"I see... Man alive, that sounds like it wasn't just a single, one-off case, then. I can help you, but this will take a while if there's no leads."

"I see. It's fine, detective. I'll pay you enough when you figure out where my retainer and sister are. I could hardly think that someone would take them without such consequence."

"Oh, no worries. With me around, no criminal will get out unscathed— I'll make sure to bring them here when I figure out who did this."

...

I see.

Perhaps its about time I have to settle this with him.

There was a time where I have thought that things will change.

Where these cases will be laid forgotten, perhaps even unresolved with the lack of hints.

I spent weeks on end, keeping my tracks short and erasing any leads that can lead towards me again.

I spent so, so long trying so desperately to hide anything resembling my crimes.

But alas... He found me.

It was the time where I had to dispose of those bodies. Although I had no heart to bury them under nature, I was not above treating them as though they were simply people.

Even in death, I wanted to make them feel like they look peaceful. Although, perhaps simply sewing their wounds left by my scissors was not something I can treat.

In the middle of the night, I was carrying the Himegimi outside of the abandoned houses I tend to with her retainer, Thoma. I had thought of letting her rest someplace else. Her attire has been sullied, and I needed to keep the two somewhere where no one can find them.

Corpses rot over time, and if it was possible, letting them turn to nothing in the likes of Tsurumi Island will be enough for my weary heart to rest.

With how adept I am of keeping my tracks hidden, I had thought no one would be able to tail on me. But alas, due to the missing cases I've caused, perhaps I wasn't expecting this to happen.

"I knew you'd be here, Kaedehara Kazuha."

I simply paused upon hearing his voice, my head craning back to see that it was Ayato. Despite how composed he looks, I can tell that the nights he spent trying to search for his beloved sibling and retainer wore him down.

His once flawless appearance was nothing but sullied, his attire feeling like its simply hanging off of him, and the way he staggered while looking at me without a shred of restrain is new. Raw for such a heir.

"And that body..." he murmured, his eyes glaring daggers when he found out who it was.

Perhaps it's her dress that makes her recognizable. Or the hair.

"... I thought I've erased everything that can lead back to me," I spoke, sighing as I placed Ayaka's body down. "What a shame. I was quite close to erasing any traces and signs of their whereabouts. It would be nice to only have them be marked as 'missing', not dead."

"So... You admit to it, then?" the heir asked, walking over with stride. "That you have done this, Kaedehara?"

I simply said nothing.

And I knew that was enough of a confirmation for him.

"I knew something was wrong with you," I heard him speak, which caught my attention. Turning my body to finally face him, I watched as he scoffed and continued, "After all, a man as serene as you often had the worst to hide."

"Oh? How curious. Why would you say that?"

I saw his lips curl to a smile.

"Why, I had someone tail after you," he answered, his tone sounding so blunt and his demeanor became more like he's simply 'teaching' me something. "Someone that is associated with the clan. I'm sure you know who it is."

... How uncouth.

"I see... And you confronted me now? For what?"

"A duel."

He unsheathed his blade, and raised it towards my direction.

"I do not usually participate in these, but I'd like to honor your tradition. If I win, you turn yourself in to the Tenryou Commission. Confess all of your crimes, and we shall call it even."

"... Very well."

I raised my own blade, as a sign to his own.

"I needn't state my own terms if I lose, as I can't let you get out alive. Now, let us settle this matter... To each of our graves."

Usually, such details cannot be recreated from interpretation alone.

However, this one was the few exceptions to it's inevitable fate due to it's popularity.

The legend had focused on keeping the existence and ties of the Crimson-Eyed Tailor up for the listener's interpretation. This scene, however, was directly associated to a case that had been tackled many years ago.

The case went as such: each resident of a town goes missing each week. No one knows when it happens, as the day is often random. The victims of these disappearances are also random, so no one could derive from it being a 'pattern'.

No matter how young or old one is, their gender, their living conditions, and even their past... When they least expect it, they simply vanish. Erased.

The only times where the victim was found, several eye-witnesses had different iterations. Some said that the bodies were buried, while others found it floating by riverbanks and the side of the sea.

But the most common— and widely known, of course— was that each victim were made to a doll.

Their limbs were nothing if not sewn with thread, cuts of various degrees being patched with thread of similar color to 'mask' it's oddity. Their eyes were closed, but those that were unfortunate to open it were only greeted with it being turned to the back of their heads.

In some victims, several pieces of their possession were taken. However, most kept theirs on their person, and were seen to not be tampered with.

No one knows what drove someone to this degree. No one can even comprehend such a fact that it was entirely possible.

But to someone who's mind was twisted to the point of no return... It was.

This case had a name, but every resident of Inazuma refused to speak of it. Each time one does, they were told of the legend behind this case.

They were told of the Crimson-Eyed Tailor, and they were warned of one thing.

"Do not look at him or his betrothed. If you do, you're as good as dead."

...

It had been a year since our fight happened.

I remember the chaos that occurred back when I finally erased that man. Although it did left his body in an undesirable state, I still fixed and sew him up so that he didn't look as such.

Even in death, I wish to give the heir some form of dignity. That, in some way, I wish to give him his final respects.

After all, he had simply misunderstood my intentions. He didn't knew that I was out for one person from the very beginning.

The downfall of the Kamisato Clan was imminent at that point. I've seen many flee, and witnessed the tragedy befall on the Narukami Island. Many of the people I've met had simply ran off to seek refuge, the terror grasping and choking them like they were unable to think.

However, I remain clear. And I simply continued to do my work diligently.

I have been working on something... Special. And with one last snip of my bloodied scissors, it was now complete.

My final and life-long work, all laid across and now in my hands. The fabric I chose was rather difficult to sew. I should have known that human skin would be too hard, depending on where I retrieved it from.

Dying it in black, I wrapped the obi that had been sewn with the use of the Himegimi's locks, and retrieved the crest of the Kamisato Clan. Adorning it on my person, I viewed myself at the mirror to see my handiwork.

"Finally," I murmured, feeling an odd sensation in my chest as I wore the fruits of my labor. "It is now complete."

With the chaos guiding me and masking my presence, I fled to head by the mountain.

I knew where you were bound to go.

I knew of your crimes long before you knew me.

I didn't paid much attention if anyone saw me. I didn't care if blood simply poured from my attire and to the ground that I'm walking on. I could hardly give a damn if some realized of my crimes in that blasted estate.

I had my scissors with me, and I only wish to fulfill my last wish before I leave this cursed world.

You murdered my family, [Name].

You were the one who caused that fire all those years ago.

I remember those burns you gave me. I remember just how much of a coward you were, fleeing from the scene you caused yourself.

How could I lose everything? And how can you keep your family?

No. No, that mustn't happen. I must set this right.

As your 'lover', I'll make sure you understand what you did wrong.

The culprit of the legend was caught, at least by the end.

All of the townsfolk had banded over to help the detective figure out who had caused such a stir, and it was only because of one eye-witness that said everything. That simply told the truth of the man behind it all.

It was the Crimson-Eyed Tailor, the one who was gripped with envy, that caused such a massacre to occur.

When they found what became of the last victim, his 'lover', they became a doll of his own. After killing them, the legend proceeded to speak of how he had simply 'sown' their skin alongside his, making them his perfect beloved doll.

One of the iterations even mentioned that his unnamed lover was in a Shiromuku outfit, eyes gouged so they may "never look at another man". At least, from what the tale has concluded.

Because of the severity of his crime, the tailor was sent to be on his death row. When the detective tried to get information out of him, they found out that he has lost his mind.

He became a shell of the brilliant man they knew, laughing and speaking that he has finally fulfilled his desire.

Even when he was dragged onto the guillotine, that day was marked as the end of the massacre, and those who were alive spoke of the man's chilling laughter up until his head was cut off.

...

And that was the end of the "Crimson-Eyed Tailor" and his legend.

Or, more accurately, the history of the known "Dead Man's Heart" case, and how Kaedehara Kazuha murdered the one he "loved" for revenge.

@.throw-letter-away | do not republish or repost my works anywhere | 2023

[cvetok1105]

My personal Weatherman – Taikan Yohou

The main characters – Segasaki and Yoh.

I'll disclaim in advance that there will be no plot in this dorama, but that is the beauty of it.

Segasaki is a weather presenter and Yoh draws eromanga. They met at university and fate has brought them together ever since.

Yoh has no money to pay the rent, so Sagasaki offers him a place to live together, but in return Yoh has to agree to everything they ask him to do.

For me personally, it's a little bit of a red flag (Segasaki can easily forbid Yoh to meet his friend in a cafe, and Yoh just has to accept it). I'll be honest, this relationship is weird, and in real life Segasaki is the kind of guy who should be fucked off, not even his godlike beauty could save him.

As I mentioned before, the eight episodes revolve around the relationship between the two main characters, we are included in all of Yoh's thoughts the whole time, the narration is almost all from his point of view.

Nevertheless, their chemistry is visible even to the naked eye, which is not surprising: the first thing they did when they moved in together was hook up. There is a peculiar problem built around this too, as Segasaki decided that they would only have sex before sunny days. Why?

It's a question that everyone was curious about, and the answer is pretty prosaic. Everything revolves around the weather (it's not for nothing that one of the main characters is a meteorologist).

– Hey. Why can’t we do it when it rains?

– Huh? Because you said so. When you first moved here and we did it. 

– Huh?

– So you won’t have trouble with laundry. 

I think I've rewatched it about eight times. It's hard for me to explain, but I was touched by literally every action, every look, every touch and misunderstanding.

Of course, Yoh had no idea that he was not just a servant to Segasaki, but the most precious person to him. And Segasaki is not good at using words, which is why we were stuck in the same place for a very long time.

But every interaction they had, the painfully ridiculous date, the dialogues - it all made my heart ache. It clearly states in black and white: Yoh fell first, but Segasaki fell harder.

Fanfact: when rewatching, I decided to start not from the beginning, but from the middle (first from the fifth series to the eighth, and then from the first to the fifth). And I was right! Exactly in the middle we start to be shown flashbacks of the characters' meeting, to which very nice and interesting references were made in the first episodes. Of course, when watching them for the first time, it is easy to just not notice them. So my idea was not as stupid as I thought at first.

– Put this in some Tupperware. I’ll eat it all. You’d better not eat any. This is mine.

I’m the only one who has to know that this carry tastes bad. He did the best to make it. That made me happy. That fact is all I need. 

I'm very sensitive to this work, it deservedly became one of my favourites, because despite the simplicity of the plot, the characters are incredibly natural and beautiful in their "ordinaryness".

Yoh is a master of making things up (just like me), Segasaki is a expert at hiding his feelings and thoughts, he is sure that everything is clear to everyone (I can see your thoughts in the subtitles, you idiot. But Yoh can't read minds). As a result, Yoh didn't know they were dating for quite a while, when for Segasaki their relationship was obvious.

There aren't many characters in this dorama, but there's no need for them. We do fine with two goofballs who can't figure out the nature of their feelings until the last minute, while being stubbornly jealous of each other.

[sincerely-sofie]

Chapter 9 of Sofie Plays "Slay the Princess": The Hero and the Princess (Round 4) + The Prisoner (Part 1)

Listen. I may be stupid. But I'm also dumb.

[ Beginning ] - [ Previous Part ] - [ Next Part ]

EYYYYYYYYYY this is personally relevant in a very darkly humorous way, right down to the wording! Loving the player character and how much I can project experiences with psychosis onto the guy.

Okay hear me out HEAR ME OUT, this is me stretching this quote SO FAR to mean what I want it to mean BUT. As far as we know, the player character is the only person the Princess has ever met. Is this the Ultra Princess commenting on the fact that she doesn't know anyone but the player character? Long Quiet Personification PC confirmed????

PC'S PERCEPTIONS OF THE PRINCESS INFLUENCE WHAT THEY BECOME!!! I WAS RIGHT!!! LET'S GOOOOOOOO

I'VE BEEN ITCHING TO TELL THE ULTRA PRINCESS ABOUT THE NARRATOR. FINALLY.

Oh shoot. Um. We appear to be closer to the ending than I thought...

YOU FRICKIN' FRICK I WANTED TO GO THROUGH THIS WHOLE GAME WITHOUT PICKING UP THE KNIFE EVEN ONCE. DANGNABBIT.

Nope don't like the fact that the music cut out the second I picked up the knife! Don't like that!

Princess I don't think you quite realize that there are more awkward starts to a relationship and I speak from a painful degree of experience.

Asked her how I can get her out of here and the flashbacks are returning TTnTT

VERY deliberately avoiding the bait that is that upper dialogue option.

Why is dismemberment always the answer with these two?

Was this an option last time??? Was this an option the whole time and I missed it because I took ages to realize I could scroll through the options menu??? FRICK.

"I'll make this quick" she says. I don't like the confidence in her tone or the ramifications of how that will affect my perception of her and the way she manifests next time.

Welp. It really was quick this time. At least there's that.

WHOA WHOA WHOA HOLD ON. The Princess has been a prisoner this whole time. That's been one of her most defining, fundamental character traits. Is this chapter title implying that she wasn't as much of a prisoner as I thought?

New party member! Mr. The Narrator you should understand the struggles of being a disembodied voice. Improvise, adapt, overcome.

First thought on the Skeptic was that I didn't like him. He is now one of my absolute faves.

MIRROR TIME! MIRROR TIME! MIRROR TIME!

I'LL GET YOU ONE DAY YOU REFLECTIVE MANIAC.

I refused to take the blade and the Skeptic is digging in his heels about it. I don't like the revelation with Skeptic picking up the blade that Voices other than the Narrator are able to control my body.

I don't want to choose violence. I want to choose happy endings and love stories ;w; Guys. Guys please.

... Why is that one manacle empty?

The Hero is sweating bullets and wondering if the Princess is going to behead herself to get out of here and I'm dying laughing despite my nerves.

The Skeptic just called the Narrator pathetic, to which the Narrator basically said "WELL IT'S NOT LIKE I EVER SAID I WASN'T." At least he's self-aware.

PC: Hey, who's that other chain for? Princess: Wouldn't you like to know, feather boy. Narrator: *deep, deep sigh*

Did a lot of beating around the bush talking about who has more reason to distrust the other. Pretty sure the only way out of this is to behead her, and I'm really curious about the empty shackle. Gonna check that out first and then cut her out myself.

Narrator's huffy about me examining the shackle. Buddy it's an inanimate object, and I'm pretty sure you're not very motivated to trap me using it like you always get with locking the door to the basement.

Skeptic just asked "And what? Is it going to lock the second we put our wrist into it?" and I have done a 180. That thing is definitely locking onto us if we put it on. Still gonna put it on because that's what the Contrarian would say to do if he was with us and I miss him.

Either way, even if my bad decisions result in us being chained up, we still have the blade. Beheading is still an option.

Oh goodie, the music cut out! That's a good sign!

NOOOOO IT'S THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY OWN ACTIONS

Dying at how the Princess's expression changes to one of mild disappointment.

Beheading is no longer an option :(

The Skeptic just pointed out that the chain is clearly special, and I'm hearing Kill Bill sirens and remembering that one time the Narrator said I was special during the Beast chapter.

*pops confetti popper* iiiiiit's DISMEMBERMENT TIIIIIME!

(Ran out of images to include in this. See y'all in the next one!)

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

short taylor swift playlists for each tig character - rebecca

another playlist :). we don't know much about her so some of this might not be accurate (some of the songs i added were added because of hcs i have). i wrote this at like 2am last night so some of this might not make sense.

#1: i hate it here: this song is about escapism. its about a person who escapes to this secret world they've created in their mind because they hate this world. there are many reasons why i think this song suits rebecca. for one, i've always imagined her being a reader. it just makes sense to me. i feel like she'd view it as a form of escapism. her home life is clearly not the greatest. she was constantly pushed aside by her parents because of her sister's condition and was forced to take care of emily. i also feel like with everything going on with thea at the time, and her need to lie to her sister to gain her approval, she would want to find ways to escape her life.

#2: the prophecy: the prophecy is about yearning for a different destiny and the hope one has for a better future. rebecca wasn't loved by any of her family, and, based on what we know, she doesn't seem to have many friends. the only person who's ever truly been there for her is xander (i'm not counting thea bc she abandoned her for her sister right before she died). she's always been treated unfairly by others so it would only make sense for her to yearn for a different future and love.

#3: maroon: the song describes a relationship from beginning to end. the song doesn't necessarily fit rebecca (and thea), but the vibes do (as well as some lyrics). the vibes fit them so well it was impossible for me not to add the song.

#4: you're on your own, kid: i think the title of this song is quite self-explanatory. its about realizing that, at the end of the day, you only really have yourself. like i said earlier, she has no friends or family (except for xander) that truly cares about her. she doesn't really have anyone that she can depend on or trust fully.

#5: champagne problems: the song tells the story of a woman who surprises everyone by turning down her lover's marriage proposal. the woman in question turned down the proposal because of her struggles with her mental health. this song isn't an exact fit, but i do think that it fits her well enough. just like the narrator, rebecca struggles with her mental health, and she did turn down thea at first when she asked her out after their break up even though she liked her. the only part that doesn't fit her is the proposal part.

#6: 'tis the damn season: the song is about a woman returning to her hometown during the holidays, where she briefly reconnects with an old lover. the song isn't an exact fit, but it screams thebecca to me. after emily's passing, thea and rebecca broke up, but they never truly let go of the other (especially thea). they were incapable of staying away from each other and being just friends. their feelings for the other never faded away, and i can definitely imagine them sometimes giving into those feelings despite being broken up.

#7: tolerate it: my favorite song in the entire world. it's about wanting to be loved by someone who doesn't even bother paying attention to everything you do for them. i think this is quite self-explanatory. rebecca has always lived in emily's shadow. there was nothing she could do to change that. it got to the point where she started believing she was the problem. even though her loved ones weren't there for her, she was there for them all. i made a full analysis of this song from rebecca's pov a few months ago (here).

#8: evermore (ft. bon iver): the song follows a person's journey from this seemingly never-ending period of sadness and depression to one of optimism. this person says that, without this specific loved one, they wouldn't have made it. by the end of book 3, we can see that rebecca is starting to heal from the trauma and pain her family inflicted on her (she started dressing herself and styling her hair in ways that she liked instead of trying to fit into the mold emily had created for her). i think thea (and xander and maybe even avery) assisted her in beginning her healing process which is why i think this song fits her quite well.

#9: right where you left me: this song is about not being able to move on from an ex. the narrator was left sitting in a restaurant after a break up, and, even after all of these years, she's still there, frozen (mentally). i think this song fits her in two different ways. i think emily's death and the pain her family put her through affected her so badly she was unable to move on and heal. she sort of stayed frozen in time just like the girl in the song. i also think she was unable to move on from thea even though she was the one who broke things off between them. i think the guilt she felt for dating thea behind emily's back and the trauma she was dealing with made her break up with thea (and also maybe she felt betrayed by thea after she chose emily over her), but that doesn't mean her feelings for thea faded away.

#10: mirrorball: the narrator of the song compares themself to a reflective disco ball. they think they reflect other people's personalities to make them happy. rebecca is a people pleaser. she did everything emily and her family asked of her hoping that it would make her worthy of their love. she wanted their approval so bad she forgot she was her own person (in thl (or maybe tig), she literally refers to her hair as 'our hair' as if it's also emily's). all rebecca wants is to be loved, and she's been made to believe that the only way for that to happen is if she molds herself into someone people actually want (cause she thinks no one could want her as she is).

#11: illicit affairs: the song is about the heartbreak and happiness that infidelity can bring. this song doesn't fit her perfectly, but, whenever i listen to it, i think of how thea pretended to be seeing xander while dating rebecca in secret. at the time, this was the only way for the two of them to be together, and although being with thea made her happy, i'm certain she wished she didn't have to keep their relationship a secret. hiding her relationship probably felt like hiding a part of herself.

#12: false god: the song describes the power and pain of loving someone. loving someone obviously doesn't come without challenges. i feel like rebecca would sort of hate herself for loving thea because she's her sister's best friend. they also kept their relationship a secret from everyone because they were afraid of what people would think (they also probably hid their relationship bc they're two girls). all of this obviously wouldn't be easy, but, despite the pain, they still stayed together. i also think the vibes of the song fit them really well.

#13: call it what you want: the song is about not caring what the media has to say about your relationship bc all that matters is that the two of you know the truth. this obviously doesn't apply to them in the first books. they literally hid their relationship from the public because they were afraid of what people would say, but, in book 3, i feel like thea and rebecca stopped caring and just did whtv they wanted. literally no one knew whether they were dating or not, and they didn't seem to feel the need to clarify. i guess that, after starting to heal from their trauma, they sort of realized that other people's opinions don't matter.

#14: all you had to do was stay: the song is about a crumbling relationship that ends because of the lover's indecision. like i said earlier, i think that part of the reason why rebecca broke up with thea is because, the night that emily died, thea picked emily over her even though she knew it would only cause problems. thea was so desperate for emily's approval that she chose her over her girlfriend, and that most definitely hurt rebecca's feelings. maybe, if things had gone differently and thea picked rebecca instead, they would've never broken up.

#15: this love: the song describes the revival of a failed romance. the narrator of the song explains that even though relationships aren't always perfect, they're still worth being in for the good memories they give you. rebecca and thea broke up and then got back together some time later after realizing that they're more miserable apart than they are together. this song fits them perfectly.

[bluecatwriter]

⭐️ for the director’s cut game!

Since you wrote one of my favorite Jack/Arthur fics ever, I give you my very first Jack/Arthur fic: "Words and Voice Fail Me"! "When Jack Seward has a breakdown trying to record on his phonograph on October 11th, Arthur comes to comfort him."

(CW for discussion of period-typical homophobia) 

-This was *checks notes* my third fanfiction I ever posted, and reading back over it, I can really tell— not so much by the overall writing, which has stayed pretty similar over the past two years, but by the way I handle the details, especially logistical details of who's doing what when. I just wasn't used to writing with such precision, and as a result a lot of the writing comes off as a little awkward. Would definitely streamline if I were to rewrite it now.

-This starts out with Jack's canon narration from the book, interspersed with description. This is one of my favorite ways to write because it feels very much like directing a play— the lines are there, but I'm "directing" (writing) the stage directions, as it were, to show how the character is saying the lines.

-I liked the idea of Jack breaking down here as sort of the culmination of all the past trauma that he hasn't been able to process yet, thinking of the way that Mina's "funeral" reminded him of Lucy's death and everything around it. 

-Like most of my fics, I just started with the premise and let the character voices lead me. (It's very similar to playing an improv scene, just with me playing both characters rather than bouncing ideas off another person.) I originally intended for it to be a pretty straightforward emotional hurt/comfort, but as I kept writing and the scene kept unfolding, I realized that Jack was going to lose it and ask Arthur to kiss him— and when that happened, it opened up a whole different plot than I was expecting.

-I am still pretty happy with the line, ""Well," he said, straightening his cuffs just for something to do with his hands, "I suppose I shall—" He wanted to follow the phrase with an excuse, but his mind blanked out on anything he had ever done in his life. "—go."" This is a good example of me 1000% projecting my nervous habits onto Jack. 

-This was the first time I realized that characters could have erotic tie-pulling and talk about emotionally-charged subjects while their lips barely brushed. It was the beginning of an Era for me. ;)

-There's some kinda interesting gender stuff here, with Jack escaping into a fantasy about him being a woman so that his feelings for the men in his life would be "natural." I feel like there's more I could've explored there, but the fic was long enough as it was.

-In this fic, I very intentionally wrote Arthur as demisexual, and have projected it onto him ever since. 

-Jack has curly hair in this fic! This was before I realized that I'd given all three suitors curly hair, and decided one had to go. The casualty was Jack, so nowadays I describe his hair as "fine."

-I'm a sucker for "one character says 'I love you' and the other returns it but they're not sure they mean the same thing" trope, and I use it here. (This may be the only time I've written Jack saying "I love you" to Arthur— in my more recent fics, I often have Jack express his sentiment in different ways, rather than just saying the words.) 

-It was fun to write a little scene with Jack pouring his heart out about all his crushes, and Arthur very logically analyzing them to explain why they make sense (except for Van Helsing— he just can't grasp that one). It was also a good excuse to throw in the phrase "virile manhood."

-Originally I wasn't gonna have them kiss again, but then the dialogue just made sense for Jack to beg for another kiss, and… well. There they go!

-"You can trust me, I'm a lord" is probably the best line-before-a-fade-to-black I've ever written. ;)

-Of course there's some angsty aftermath in this one, since Jack is still struggling with a lot of self-loathing. I feel like some of the writing here is a bit rough, but I'm still happy with the overall emotions that come across.

-I originally had this end on a pretty melancholy note, but reworked it to make it more hopeful that, regardless of whether or not they sleep together in the future, their friendship is still solid.

Thanks again for sending the ask! :D

(Ask game here)

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

We don't have enough Aonung x Rotxo, and im not happy about it.

First of all: what is their ship name?

second: why are there not so many fics about them?

third: i want prompts about them.

the only one i came up with is; Rotxo feeling jealous/left out/ not consider now that the sully kids are here, since Aonung spent all his time (tormenting) them.

one night after maybe five months of the sully being there, is one of Aonung and Rotxo date night (they are officially courting) but Aonung can't stop talking about the sully kids.

"Are you fucking serious?!" asks Rotxo as he suddenly stands up from the soft sand. "What?" asks Aonung with a surprised (and scared) tone, he watch worry as his best friend and boyfriend gets up. "i been planning this night for weeks, because you are always busy or with training or with the family of toruk maktao, we barely spent time together, and once we do you are talking about others!" Rotxo is angry, Aonung saw him this angry only once, when they were little and an older kid pushed Tsireya on the ground. Not hard or on purpose, but still Tsireya who at the time was only a toddler immediately started crying. And as Aonung comforted his little sister, he noticed Rotxo yelling at the older kid and making him run away with tears. Rotxo could be as evil as a sky demon if someone hurt the persons he cares about. it was at that moment that Aonung knew, that was his future mate, not discussing it further. As Rotxo makes his way to walk off, Aonung manages to hold his wrist. his eyes full of regret, he watched as the not-braided curly boy snapped his head towards him. "i swear i stop, I'm sorry oeyä tìyawn, please forgive me, tell me everything you want i won't talk, only admire you" Aonung said and he relaxed when he saw Rotxo lips becoming a smirk. as he settled down again next to him (now closer, he could if wanted rest his head on the other chest) he murmured "Corny skxawng" then Rotxo narrated to the other boy, all the things he done that week, and all the things he planned to do. after they happily eat together and went to race with their ilu, then said goodbye with a kiss before returning to their own family marui.

this is stupid, but is okay because is like 3 am and I'm stupid myself.

You are not stupid, this is adorable! I 100% agree, they were the first ship I thought of honestly. I was like oh this kid is just hanging around all the time and is basically part of the family? Well, one of my favorite tropes ever is the family basically adopting their kids significant other. Rotxo's just over all the time living with Tonowari's family just because he'd going to mate with Ao'nung and everyone just like, knows and now expects him to be around? Iconic.

Like, Ronal's baby she hasn't had yet? That child would just grow up 24/7 with Rotxo around, they've never experienced life without him there. That's adorable. My mom is eight years older than her youngest brother, and going through her family pictures eventually it's just her and her siblings and also my dad there in every graduation picture, holiday picture, and so on. It's so funny and adorable to me. That's Rotxo with Ao'nung.

I think the best prompt for them is that they aren't crazy into PDA, they just vibe mostly in the most secure and confident relationship ever, to the point that it takes the Sully's an absurd amount of time to notice they are even courting. Spider is rescued and Neteyam is recovering and Ao'nung is being a little bit of a dick to Spider, and Rotxo goes "Sorry about my future mate, he can be a dick." And Lo'ak and Kiri are like WHAT.

I can also see a story in the personality differences. Ao'nung... not to be rude, but he's kind of a dick there at the beginning. Rotxo is our sweet baby angel so I can see Ao'nung spending too much time with his little asshole friends and them drifting apart as a result. It's another interesting dynamic.

[ponds-of-ink]

Wish Rewritten by Someone Who’s Never Actually Seen The Film (“Act” 1)

(But did do a bit of research so I got a better idea of how this could go)

Lengthy title aside, this is a concept I’m excited to work with. I might need to retool this “rough draft” later, but here’s what I’ve got so far.

-

Act 1 - “Introducing The Girl”

We open up with a book being set on some desk. The person setting the book down tells us about a legend that has recently been uncovered: “The Girl and The Living Star”.

Said person is our ‘opening narrator’ of sorts, giving us a fictional background of this discovery as some of the credits are displayed on the book’s first pages. The story that we’re about to see, as (s)he explains, has been adapted by these people for your enjoyment.

Soon, the camera fades into the first real page: A painted castle backlit by a sunrise. The camera moves closer to said castle, while also moving towards ground level. A regal voice booms out, being the first thing we hear from this faraway land.

That voice belongs to King Magnifico, who stands on the highest point of the castle courtyard. He welcomes the large crowd of people, practically congratulating them for attending Rosas’ annual Wish Ceremony.

(Side note: to be clear, said congratulations is not one out of geniune thrill and joy. It’s just out of duty and potential condescension… From the King, that is. His wife is a bit more thrilled, as we’ll see later.)

Regardless of his tone, travelers and citizens alike are thrilled to be here— And with good reason. Today is the day longheld wishes are to be granted.

Many a stranger eagerly rushes to Magnifico and his conjured, ball-like manifestations of wishes. However, only a few receive the spheres themselves before those too vanish— The only lingering sign being a literal glow of hope in the receiver’s eyes.

As more and more continue to try their hand, a few stay behind. Some linger because they are physically unable, others because are simply too nervous, and one girl in particular who has neither of these issues: Asha.

Asha attempts to aid those who are stuck with her. She becomes a crutch for the limping and a practical adviser for the uneasy…

But then she slips away after helping the last person. Turns out she doesn’t even have a wish to grant. She just wanted to see what the ceremony was like, since she’ll be training for it once she becomes a sorcerer-in-training.

King Magnifico does notice, but quickly brushes it off. He finishes the last few wishes, wraps up the ceremony, then joins his wife inside.

However, we don’t follow them just yet. Instead, we rejoin Asha in the main village. She goes about her day while everyone else is—to varying degrees—celebrating Wish Day. Musicians sing with some of their fellow townsfolk, the craftsmen are building their most extravagant works, and even the market sellers are greeting buyers with a genuine smile.

And, though Asha does like the morale, she is uninterested in joining the village’s big number. To her, the only thing that matters is getting through the day… As well as something that may make or break it.

A few hours later, Asha returns to the castle with items in tow. Scrolls, a satchel of trinkets, and a ribbon-laced necklace for good luck.

King Magnifico greets her at the front steps, though his tone remains as regal and stoic as ever. Queen Amaya, on the other hand, is estatic. She eagerly welcomes the puzzled girl inside, offering her all sorts of things to make her feel at home. Asha, always erring on the side of caution, refuses her offers.

The royal couple leads her to the Sorcerer’s Tower, then Amaya takes her leave. Magnifico and Asha, now alone, begin the Sorcerer’s Exam.

Asha does fairly well, though it’s clear something is holding her back. Magnifico notices, but says nothing until her exam is complete. Asha explains that it’s herself that’s holding her back (because of course it is), then proceeds to pack her things.

“These things can be remedied in time,” Magnifico retorts. “I have decided that you are my apprentice, and my word is final.”

Asha is dumbfounded, then absolutely delighted. Her? His apprentice? In this very tower?? This is the best news she’s ever gotten!

Under the condition of returning by midnight. Asha runs back home. She tells the news to her family, packs her belongings, and says goodbye to the family pet Valentino (even though he can’t talk).

Though the reality of leaving home makes her emotional, she tries to brush it off the best she can. “At least I’ll be away from all the hustle and bustle down below,” she reasons with herself as she sets out that night. “No more talking about dreams that can’t come true. No more singing about made-up things on Wish Day. Just me, my books, and the wise words of King Magnifico to help me.”

She then encounters the King and Queen talking and laughing in some distant room. Far too tired to investigate, she ascends the Sorcerer’s Tower and calls it a night.

The next month or so—represented by a few short scenes—is busy for Asha. She adjusts to the castle, both in and out of lessons. Her sleep schedule is switched from dusk ‘til dawn to dawn ‘til dusk. She has to endure the court jesters and their mischievous antics. And, arguably worst of all, King Magnifico has her do extra chores to prove that she’s learned certain spells. Needless to say, Asha is tired. And done.

It doesn’t help that King Magnifico himself is being ominous while Queen Amaya is being overbearingly chatty and friendly.

One night in particular, Asha stumbles across the royal couple dancing and singing in the ballroom as if their personalities weren’t at odds half the time. This sets off a chain of thoughts in her mind as she ascends the tower. What if it’s all a trap? What if their only goal was to get another cleaning servant? What if she had failed the exam after all, but the king had pitied her for a moment?

Out of options, she pulls out the ribbon-laced necklace and puts it on her neck. She looks to the night sky, shuts her eyes, and mutters two words: “I wish…”

…But the rest of the wish she keeps to herself.

With this act of desperation done, she prepares for the long night ahead. We the audience are left in the dark as the screen fades to black.

End of Act 1

—-

Bonus Notes

I imagine this act a bit like a few moments of The Polar Express. This Asha is left out of the Disney-tied stuff that the other villagers seem to already have— Which is especially true in Act 1’s musical numbers (even though they’re diegetic). She just refuses to sing or participate in them.

And, by consequence, we the audience are left to think of this as semi-background music until the soundtrack gives the other perspective.

This does also mean the tone, though still Disney, is a bit more… Grimms-like? Somber and harsh on Asha’s end? Like, yes, she still has her moments of relief— Especially with her family and Queen Amaya (weirdly on her end). This doesn’t mean that the overwhelming sense of “I do not trust anything, not even my own self” is going away anytime soon. (More on that in Act 2, don’t worry)

Though, now that I’m writing these notes, I did mention in an earlier post that I imagine her to be more like Meg from Hercules. If I failed to convey that in the above synopsis.. O o p s. Hopefully, a ‘second draft’ down the line might fix that error.

Meanwhile, King Magnifico and Queen Amalya.. umm.. Let’s just say that they’re not only a loving couple, but they’re also supposed to represent different eras of something. (I want to spoil this so badly, but I gotta wait until Act 2)

And, for those wondering about Valentino, don’t worry. He’ll be back soon. :]

[el-huddpudd]

Bright like fire

Hi @jadesabre301!! Merry @widojestsecretsanta and I hope you enjoy! Title is from Feels Like Home by Auliʻi Cravalho. I'll post on ao3 later today but I wanted to start the day with giving your gift.......

In the Blooming Grove, Caleb sneaks away from the group to say goodbye to Frumpkin and dismiss him from being Caleb's familiar. Matt narrates that Frumpkin looks over at Sprinkle on Jester's shoulder, and there's a brief moment of fey connection between them before Frumpkin walks away.

The Fey realm is a dangerous place. Shadows curl and creep without the need of light to pin them down. If there was any constant, it would be the whispers twining around the trees. But even the whispers would rearrange themselves into surprising silences.

It is precisely the place where tricksters can thrive.

Jester felt her necklace begin to warm, and she recalled Arty’s promise to bring her back home. Home, with cinnamon pastries and the paint shop around the corner and no more wobbly time stuff when she messaged her friends. Home safe.

But then was a blur of movement rushing towards her and– 

“Lumpy!”

Her favorite cat in the whole wide world had pounced right into her arms. He scrambled down to wind around her ankles, purring the whole time.

“Frumpkin, it is so good to see you. So very very good! But I am about to go and the Traveler has a really powerful spell for me that is about to kick in so you’re going to have to scootch a few feet away so you don’t get swept up because I am just about to leave the Fey Realm.

Jester had spent many hours and miles with Frumpkin nearby. There was something slightly different about him here in the Fey Realm. A slight shift in his posture or size or something else she couldn’t quite put her finger on. His head tilt made it clear, as clear as if he had messaged her, that Frumpkin had arrived in the place and time entirely on purpose.

“This will just have to be our little secret for a while, okay. I don’t think Caleb will be angry that you are returning – you know he did agree I could have you for forever – it’s just that he gets scared sometimes. But we won’t let that keep us away, will we?”

&

Caleb heard a chuckle behind his shoulder. “Artagan,” he called out without looking, “what brings you to my humble classroom?”

“She worries about you.”

“Is that your answer?”

“I check in on all my followers from time to time. Gladly, it’s a much more manageable itinerary since our little shindig at the volcano. Even so, I still have my favorites.”

“Is that what I am?”

“As I recall it,” Artagan said before slipping into a cheap Zemnian accent. “We are all low key acolytes of the Traveler.” His voice slid back to the usual grandeur. “Don’t tell me your keen mind has suddenly lapsed?”

“If you were paying attention, you would know the context. I would be her disciple while she is being yours.”

“Oh, you can assume I’ve heard far more than you’d like me to, Caleb Widogast. You... amuse me.”

Caleb finally looked up from his stack of student parchment. The Traveler was twirling a few quills in a serpentine motion and flicking his wrist to aim them at the desk in the corner as if it was a dartboard. 

“Sprinkle saw all your unexpressed expressions, little wizard. I certainly know the context.”

“Is that why you are here?”

“Excellent question. Firstly, I am here because I want to be. I am only ever where I am because I want to be.” Artagan flashed a wink and reappeared close at Caleb’s side. “I want to be here because there’s this thread hanging. I simply can’t resist tugging.”

Caleb smirked. “Tug away, Traveler.”

“You have your students, your schnitzel, your small small apartment with the east facing window. But woven into this retirement of yours is this insistence to send away certain companions.”

“I have learned to hold loosely.” He looked down at his weathered hands. “I do not need to grasp and claw any longer. This is my hard fought truth after so many years of desperately grasping for the ones who departed.”

“Ah, but have you learned who wants to be held?”

&

There was just enough of a snowdrift collected on his windowsill for that tender glow of winter to reflect with the candlelight. It was a small apartment, yes, but he had already filled two bookshelves and that was home enough for now.

Caleb knelt by the books now, weighing a few in his hands. Would she like the Port Zoon romance? Had she read it before? Would she want to see the notes for his lectures, the new cantrip he employs?

He stacks both books in the ‘bring’ pile. Because after all, isn’t the point of his trip to set everything before Jester and let her decide what she wants to keep? He is resolved to tell her.

He is also resolved to bring pastries, so he really should go across the street to place an order at the bakery to pick up tomorrow. At this precise time in the evening, Greta should still be rolling out the twists to set overnight.

When he opens the front door, his breath freezes.

“Can I stay here?” 

Jester is at his doorstep with snowflakes settled in her dear blue hair. She looks warm with that purple flush in her cheeks. She has more freckles than the last time Caleb saw her, he is sure.

“Well, I guess my real question is can we stay here?” She gestures behind him, to the cat already curled up on his window seat.

“Jester, ah, it is good to see…It is very good to see you, but what is Frumpkin? How…?” His voice falters in awe.

She beams up at him. Oh. She beams and she walks right into his home and she is here.

“Well Caleb, you remember I wanted to visit the Fey Realm with Arty, and I finally got to see it and there was lots of really weird shit but also beautiful sunsets but not quite sun setting because it’s so different there.” Jester had her full ensemble on with mittens and hat and scarf and fur lined cloak and she chattered through commentary while taking off each item and setting them down on his shelf, his table, his desk.

“I remember, Jester.”

“So I was just about to return back and I had this whole signal set up with the Traveler so none of the timing would get fucked up. And then, out of nowhere, Frumpkin appeared with me! He really missed you, he told me.”

She ended up sitting criss-crossed on the floor right next to his pile of books. Her hands dance through the air as she talks, fidgeting.

“Because even though you don’t need him anymore, he still wants to be where you are. He understands you let him go because you are stronger and kinder and ready to be okay with change.” Jester holds his gaze. “But he knows he gets to choose too and he would like to choose to stay, with you. He would like a nice quiet life with lots of animals.”

For all of the times that Caleb looked away, held his tongue, flinched from getting nearer. This time Jester is keeping her blue eyes steady with his. Her voice is warm and sure. She sits with her head high and a new ribbon wrapped on her left horn and with all of the courage in the world.

“Of course, Liebling, but not so quiet we don’t see adventures.” His hand shakes, just a little, as he raises his it to her cheek, so it is good Jester brings her hand up to match his. It’s a sharp thrill of heat.

“I am so glad you understand what Frumpkin is telling you, Caleb.” There’s the twinkle, the mischief in her eyes. “Because on the way over, he was a little worried you might be stupid about this. And then he would have to go on and on and on about how much cooler everything will be once you team up together. Instead, we can skip right to our happy ending.”

She winds her hands through his mess of reddish-brown hair and finally, they kiss.

&

Artagan checks in on all his followers from time to time. 

Over in Rexxutrum, there is a small small apartment with a large window seat and many bookshelves. A cacophony of rugs overlap on the floor with zig zagging patterns and paint splotches. The window is often open so the colored glass hanging above can twirl and refract and birds with orange and blue feathers can find a soft place to land. There are a great many other animals who wander in and out and there is the constant of one cat who is not a cat and one weasel who is not a weasel.

[benkyoutobentou]

31 Days of Productivity Reading: Day eighteen

Before: I'm going to the bookstore today! The plan is to study more Mandarin, then pick up the book for that book club that I'm crashing as well as a thank you note for the person who sent me all those volumes of manga. I especially want to mention the thank you note here because I really don't want to forget...

Also, I've been seeing more and more people online talking about that Ali Hazelwood book Check & Mate, and despite how little interest I have in anything she writes ever, seeing a book about chess being talked about so much makes me want to continue reading 3月のライオン so I'll probably pick that up either today or tomorrow, depending on how I'm feeling after I finish 独り舞.

And now that I have more free time, I really want to start that ASL course! So much to do, so much to do... I think I might do some thinking about how I want to schedule all my different languages...

After: As usual, I didn't get to the bookstore until quite a bit later than usual. I started my day with my favorite Sunday ritual (which had to be put off until today), which is watching the latest ゆびさきと恋々with a cup of tea. I love this series so much, I can't believe it's ending next week. It's so sweet, and I love how we got even more of Itsuomi speaking German this episode.

When I was finally ready to go to the bookstore, my dog begged for a walk. I can't go anywhere without taking her out first, and I can't say no either lol.

I have a few rituals that I use to get myself going and start being productive, and pone of them is making a cup of tea. I made myself a cup of tea to drink while I read, and then I drank my entire cup of tea while talking to my mom and still have not read a single page today.

I finished 独り舞！ I ended up reading thirty pages today over an hour and thirty five minutes, with an average reading pace of (miraculously) 3.2 pages per minute. I must’ve just been zooming through it, I never felt like I was sacrificing comprehension for speed (other than my usual ignoring of unknown vocabulary words). I guess this is what happens when I read in an undistracted environment?

Even though I didn’t have the best time reading 独り舞 I’m glad I read it. It’s a good book and one that I definitely want to return to when my Japanese is a higher level, because I think I could really enjoy it at the right times. That being said, it’s definitely not a book for everyone. It’s extremely depressing from beginning to end. There were moments that I thought would be the turning point, and then something got in the way. I really liked the way it presented the main character’s almost dissociation from herself with the way it only referred to her as 彼女 in the narration, and the linguistic aspects when writing in both Japanese and Chinese were cool to see as well. In a strange way, the end reminded me a bit of 僕らの地球の歩き方 despite the tones of the two being almost complete opposites.

[snowonthebeachmp3]

Bestie feel free to share your thoughts of Taylor's use of marriage in her discography 👀

ok so! in her early discography we see marriage presented as the accepted default for girls to aspire to in their romantic relationships. we get ‘he knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said ‘marry me juliet, you’ll never have to be alone’’ and ‘take me back to the time when we walked down the aisle, our whole town came and our mamas cried’ and ‘you were gonna marry me cause we were happy’. but on fearless we also begin to see it as a preoccupation which comes an easy second to pursuing her dreams of being a successful singer-songwriter: ‘back then i swore i was gonna marry him someday but i realised some bigger dreams of mine’. she returns to this theme later on in midnight rain: ‘he wanted it comfortable… he wanted a bride, i was making my own name’.

by speak now, some of taylor’s peers are beginning to get married themselves. but in this case, what she’s really interested in is crashing the wedding and running away with the groom, and mocking the stereotypes of a big white wedding (although this comes from her distaste for the bride, rather than any particular criticism of the institution itself). so we get ‘she is yelling at a bridesmaid somewhere back inside a room wearing a gown shaped like a pastry’ and ‘the organ starts to play a song that sounds like a death march’. the wedding is silly, but only because the bride is an obnoxious bridezilla about to marry the object of taylor’s desire.

then later on she has to grapple with marriage as a potential weapon used to lock her into a toxic relationship and stifle her ambition and personhood. we get lyrics like ‘bad omen, dragged my feet right down the aisle’ and ‘your picket fence is sharp as knives’. she didn’t want a diamond ring from him - she IS the diamond (diamonds in my eyes, i polish up real nice, a diamond’s gotta shine). i also see some parallels to the affair in ivy - the narrator is trapped in an unloving relationship with her husband, she’s able to find brief snatches of happiness with her secret lover, but it’s clouded by fear (what would he do if he found us out?)

meanwhile on lover, she finds long-term romantic fulfilment (take me out and take me home forever and ever) without needing marriage as a prerequisite to complete their relationship. the bridge intentionally mimics wedding vows, but at the last minute, instead of referring to a husband, she swears to be ‘overdramatic and true to my… lover’. paper rings also plays around with wedding imagery while emphasising that the formalities aren’t the most important bit.

finally we get some direct critiques of the expectations which society places on women in particular with regards to marriage. in champagne problems, others decide that the narrator ‘would have made such a lovely bride. what a shame she’s fucked in the head’ - if she doesn’t want to get married, that’s a problem with her. and of course midnights has just given us ‘all they keep asking me is if i’m gonna be your bride, the only kind of girl they see is a one-night or a wife’ and ‘no deal, the 1950s shit they want from me’. she’s just enjoying existing in the lavender haze, why can’t people let her be? marriage is something she will take or leave on her own terms, nobody else’s, and what truly matters to her is the relationship itself.

[spinningbuster98]

I love this game

I REALLY love this game

If I had to choose a favorite game of all time then I feel it would come down to either Sonic 3 & Knuckles or this one, the former shaped my gaming tastes during my childhood while the latter did the same for my adolescence

I have a lot of great things to say about this game, but also some negatives as well because no game is perfect and this is very important to remember especially in the case of games that have become so universally beloved that people have come to believe they have no flaws or areas to improve, which is never truly the case

I think the first thing to note about Super Metroid, and one of its most beloved aspects, is its atmosphere and general aesthetics

It's often said that Metroid has a dark and foreboding atmosphere and nowhere is this more evident than in Super Metroid

This game's spritework is detailed, grotesque at times. Its locations dark, eerie, grimey, organic. The colors are dark yes, but not washed out, in fact I'd say the color pallette is rich just enough to keep the game from looking dull while not compromising the element of general creepiness and darkness

The music is booming, melodieìc, creepy, cavernous, everything in this game is meant to make you feel like you really are going deeper and deeper into the inner bowels of an alien planet

I especially love how the overall artstyle feels like an evolution of Metroid 1's: the old Tourian looks like an SNES upgrade from the original, as does the beginning of Brinstar and the returning enemies from that game, though of course guys like Ridley and Kraid have been given massive redesigns. It really drives home the idea that this is Metroid 1 but MORE, it tells you "hey remember this place on the NES 8 years ago? Yeah here it is now like you remember it but looking better than ever". It truly is SUPER Metroid. Just compare this with how Zero Mission just completely altered the artstyle for something much more stylized and cartoony

The beginning acts are just a masterclass in atmospheric setup: from Samus narrating the prologue while mostly encased in shadow while the game's unnerving theme plays, to the Ceres Colony being all dark and lifeless with only the low humming of machinery keeping you company, to how deserted and foreboding Crateria looks at first before springing to life. A true masterpiece

I mentioned before that no other game after the original trilogy managed to truly recapture this kind of atmosphere and I believe it's true: no other game feels this ominous, so foreboding, so cavernous, so....dark. All the other 2D games after this usually go for a more....generic kind of atmospheric feel, the kind that checks a box off a list

Fusion can be creepy and unsettling yes...but the actual areas themselves are pretty standard

Zero Mission barely even tries to feel atmospheric, mostly just being really energetic and adventurous

Samus Returns and Dread, again, are a bit generic in the atmosphere department, save for specific moments such as the EMMI zones.

The Prime games on the other hand are indeed very atmospheric, even more than Super, but they mostly go for a different kind of atmosphere than that of the OG trilogy, which is all fine of course

I think a good way to illustrate what I'm saying is to compare the various versions of the Theme of Super Metroid that have been made over the years: they're all good versions in their own right, but none manage to capture that sense of pure menace, of sheer foreboding that the original has, rather mostly focusing on the more upbeat parts of the track

To change the subject: poor Kraid. He was the toughest of the two main bosses in the original game but now, despite having received a literally colossal redesign and looking more menacing he's actually much easier now and has been reduced to "first boss bitch". Unfortunately for him this is only the start of his misfortunes :P

[arcstral]

—  Fire Emblem: Engage, The Emblem Marth Retrospective.  —

Marth in FE: Engage plays a fascinating supporting role.

He has a dynamic presence on the boxart though he’s not a character native to this installment; enlarged and immediately able to be seen on the left where the eyes tend to be first attracted. His title 'Emblem of Beginnings' implicates his role as the first emblem to be summoned on Elyos. He serves as the spokesman for the emblem family in a lot of cases, and provides worldly exposition for the ancient artifacts and plot detail uprisings.

If you acknowledge his role as a witness to every phase of Alear's life from beginning to end- the parts we see in game to the invisible sections we don't see a thousand years before- he suddenly becomes larger than life. The figure that has been with Alear longer than even Lumera. Someone who has seen everything there is to see about our protagonist, to an extent where if an omniscient narrator was ever needed to narrate the events of the game, the only qualified individual by necessity would have to be the ‘Emblem Marth’.

With that that said, I was initially willing to go into Engage thinking of its Marth as an offhand spinoff version. No different from the inconsequential single-beat portrayals of Smash or even Warriors. But this idea is wrong. Engage surprised me by putting a very human, very special Marth into my hands. An echo of the original Hero-King, Emblem Marth recognizes that he is only an emblem from the very first beat of his first appearance, and yet he's unaware of how faithful of a homage he is to the individual he's extracted from.

How much he takes the foundation and honors it elsewhere.

The Emblem Marth as set apart from simply Marth is a purely loyal existence from humble beginnings to bitter end. A millennial being who answers Alear’s call for aid at every cost and asks for nothing in return but to be remembered. His duty to protect this world is equal to his desire to be at Alear’s side. It's that enduring spirit of nobility, loyalty, and devotion to his friends, even forgiveness, that places him on par with his original.

It’s the adversities that best place these traits on show.

Chapter 10 happens and brings the sky crashing down. Suffering on that course, as the last and latest emblem ring to be reclaimed from enemy hands- utterly miserable to be torn apart from Alear and company as Veyle aptly put it- still he serves to provide nothing but love and forgiveness for Alear on their long awaited reunion. The fact that chapter 10's devastation happened at all despite the counsel he’s spared. His even greater forgiveness of Veyle is extended in the aftermath, a compassionate empathy toward her circumstances that reflects the kind he shows for others in his time- his enemies. Hardin and Katarina. Camus and Michalis.

When Veyle returns the ring of the Hero-King to Alear in Chapter 22, she observes that “it was lying by your side, as if it wanted to be with you”, and to me this statement was the most touching. Marth no matter the circumstance will never, ever leave Alear behind if he can help it. But that situation, and that tragic day, arrives. And his reception to the cold fact is graceful.

Accepting his death without complaint, he quells Alear's fears with the reiterated admission of duty, no longer to Altea or to Archanea, but to Elyos. The Emblems exist to protect this world and in that call to existence is a reason worth dying for. His cessation means nothing, Marth nobly says. 'I am of no consequence' he remarks to Velyle tangentially in his paralogue when she laments at the idea of fighting him, with words that resemble humility but in actuality prioritizes the things that he sees as truly important--others.

Duty is the overpowering virtue of Marth’s character. Whereas the original Hero-King cites himself a prince before a son or a brother, this one would call himself an Emblem above all else. That sense of duty to a world not his own even manifests in many different ways. From that unique perspective of both an emblem and a king comes his wisdom, the utmost belief that a world placed in Alear’s hands will know peace and prosperity, that it would be a beautiful place.

This interaction speaks of the telling final thoughts that the Emblem Marth possesses in the last chapter of his life; a dutiful onus to realize a successor to the emblems’ legacy, someone to watch over the lands they have protected for eons. To pick up the torch in their stead. This desire is coupled with his love and peace of mind. He is proud of Alear’s growth, has seen it himself over the course of a thousand years and then some. Of all Marth’s fond observations for the Divine One, such words might be the highest level of his praise.

Such words reflect the caliber of a noble and positive existence who is aware of his bitter end and smells only the flowers. An everbright future with or without the emblems.

When the Pact Ring paralogue finally rolls around, we begin with Marth’s explication about the origins of the ring which even Vander does not know. Detailing Lumera’s mysterious history as its previous owner, and the familiarity of the local surroundings to him, it ends with his sound advice that Alear think carefully on which ally to give it. He is more than aware of the special meaning of this ring and how it will strengthen the bonds between two people.

That knowledge conjoined with his long history as Alear’s partner and a Lythos emblem posits an important side to the conversation:

He is consistently a voice of wisdom yet this example is special; it is in the late Queen Lumera’s place that Marth acts, informing her child about the ring most conducive to their happiness, second only in importance to the emblems and the birthday ring staving off Alear’s corruption. Marth, as always, is watching over the Divine One, nudging them toward their own betterment. Once a long-standing guardian to Alear’s slumber, he watches over them in the innocent and unassuming manner of this guidance as well.

Ultimately, by the game’s ending I thought very deeply about what endeared me so much to this Marth. Why I mourned so much at his loss as a 'phony' version of the original and I think I can finally put it into words. It’s about how much he exemplifies the loyal Hachiko paradigm but ten times magnified. Waiting and watching at the side of his sleeping 'owner' for a thousand years, never failing to sally to Alear's side, and even when corrupted by the fell dragon incantation- even when unable to verbalize or express any component of free will- he's able to muster the scantest smile for Alear in their darkest hour.

Marth is the emblematic mascot who goes through a dozen different redesigns and cameos in the most offshoot games- the most of any existing FE protagonist in both aspects, all differing in appearance from one another in various degrees. In terms of those many portrayals that define Marth, FE17 is nevertheless set apart in this regard by its depth. Showing more than anything that a Marth of a vastly different premise and belonging to an alienated universe is still, well, Marth.

Someone who is dutiful to extremes and deeply appreciative of his bonds, unfailingly kind. Someone who has 'always been kind' as Alear puts it.

Marth's words that Sombron's Emblem will never come back to him again is mirrored for himself. He, too, will never return, and what’s left in the wake of this knowledge is a unique iteration worth mourning. Engage teaches me nothing new about Marth but it does tell me one thing. The hero known as 'Marth' is as much a character as well as the allegoric ideal that puts greater duty and lordly goodness on the table.

Marth is Marth says Engage and that will always be an immutable worldly comfort.

[eyestumblin]

thoughts on Barbie (2022)

If you're at all interested in this movie and its discourse, Broey Deschanel's video and Verily Bitchie's are worth your time. They explain how the film is propaganda to sell toys (of course) but its main purpose is to revitalize Mattel's brand and begin a new "marvel cinematic universe" with their IPs. Bringing beloved indie directors in as a promise they'll sneak authenticity through the corporate machine is part of that marketing tactic. Apparently, it's worked for Barbie despite many of the people who celebrate it feeling fatigue with Disney-Marvel for over-saturating the cinema landscape using the exact same tactics. Maybe because this time it's with the toys of their childhood instead of star wars and comic books it feels subversive, brave, and refreshing, but Barbie's vision of Girl Power is not even meekly rebellious and certainly not feminist.

There is a purposeful void where the feminism should be. It is the strawman that anti-feminists imagine: not a movement of liberation and equality, only a cry of "I want to be the one doing the oppressing!".

I understand how a Wakanda-like vision of a world without misogyny is a delightful fantasy to live in, and the few lines explicitly calling out impossible, often contradictory double standards held over women may be a wake up call for those who have not engaged with this conversation before. For baby's first feminism, simply recognizing what misogyny is and how it wears down and degrades women can be a powerful experience. However, there is no discussion of how and why patriarchy causes and enforces misogyny or how to dismantle it.

The movie acknowledges the male characters, especially Ken, as emotional beings with understandable pain, and gives him more attention than the troubled mother-daughter relationship that seems like it should be the core of a film for and about women. His existential crisis is a parallel to Barbie's, and so for a satisfying conclusion, it's important they both get the answer to their question: "Who am I? What do I need to be to deserve love?".

"You're not an accessory, you should just do your own thing without a woman" is a fine answer for Ken, but is an incomplete offering for men under patriarchy. For all the runtime this movie sinks into men, it seems to go out of its way to avoid ever acknowledging how patriarchy harms them, too. Bell Hooks said, "The first act of violence that patriarchy demands of males is not violence toward women. Instead, patriarchy demands of all males that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves." Will Ferrell's declaration that he wants to be tickled is the closest thing to acknowledging how patriarchy robs men of full access to their own lives but unless you already know feminist theory, it's just a throwaway joke on what a goofy little guy he is.

From birth, patriarchy teaches men the answer to the question of how to be worthy of love is a lifelong gauntlet of contests. Who collects the most valuable things (women being objectified and included in this tally), who can endure the most isolation and pain, who can conquer and stand alone at the top. Stepping on women is normalized as an easy way to raise ranks in these contests before even competing with other men. Treating women as equals is punished because it's not participating 'correctly' if he doesn't seek power over women and other men (I kept waiting for Allan to be some kind of comment on this, but nope!).

The word Patriarchy is littered throughout the script and used as a magic spell to transform Barbieland overnight without any further exposition. Men are framed as the adversary, but the happy ending is not to free everyone from patriarchy. Systemic injustice is not challenged, men and women do not unite as equals. Barbieland returns to Matriarchy and the narrator chuckles about how someday, perhaps, the Kens will only face the same level of oppression human women do on earth.

I saw more memes about Ken than any other character, and although there's validity to claims that he's most popular because men always get more positive attention than women, it's also definitely a consequence of the film's choices. He gets the most fully formed and sympathetic arc, a music number, and most marketable quips and visual gags. Getting through heartbreak and learning "I am Kenough" is a lot easier to relate to and make fun memes of than a flawless, immortal being meeting her creators and choosing to develop cellulite and die.

The reception of this movie has been enormous and enthusiastic, surely in part because its marketing budget cost as much as the movie itself. I was curious whether criticism and lack of accolade was really just misogyny at work as much of the internet believes. The conclusion I've come to is that Mattel strategically planned Barbie to be championed by women and rely on real misogyny ("pink movie for girls bad, cannot be good movie") to blot out any and all criticism of its weak writing and insincere, toothless social commentary. This happened with Ghostbusters 2016; the wailing and fury of nostalgic misogynists was so loud, it made denouncing them feel like an important fight to take up rather than just free advertising and clout for a mediocre, cynical corporate product.

I totally understand the ~fun~ parts of this movie and I'd enjoy watching some of the spectacle again. It's just frustrating to see Mattel catching earnest people hook, line, and sinker in the year 2023 even after a decade of seeing others strung along behind the same boat. They've successfully packaged the movie as important through implied (but critically absent) connection to feminism when all that's inside is, for better or worse, just a colorful plastic toy (20$).

[katinkulta]

My song pick is Amoktango by the german rock band Silent Poem from their album “Sucht und Ordnung” from 2007.

I translated the lyrics below and wrote a little more about them. (It took a while because I had to transcribe and translate the lyrics myself.)

Amoktango (translated into English)

The god-given twine of my ever-so-sick brain rips

This will be my biggest hit

I fall and pull you all with me

My hands never achieved handiwork

I rolled stones up the hill

for them to roll back down

I reach for the hammer, not the rope

Olé (Spanish, because why not)

They once called me the baron of big sounds

I fly from the bullet and take it in my hand

I let it down into the black pipe

And image the story

Of my quitting this game

And let the projectile go

I´m ashamed of my tears

I am indeed whiny

But I won´t spill any more tears

When I shoot lead all around you

Lift the curtain, the game begins

I won´t spare woman nor child

Who´s without, who wants more

An expedition without return

They once called me the baron of big sounds

I fly from the bullet and take it in my hand

I let it down into the black pipe

And image the story

Of my quitting this game

And let the projectile go

Further explanation:

The Baron of big sounds is likely a hint at baron Münchhausen who is said to have rode a cannonball (I´m not sure if they put it in the lyrics to emphasize the madness of the narrator who runs amok)

Amoktango (transcribed from German)

Mir reißt mein gottgegebener Zwirn

in meinem ach so kranken Hirn

Das wird mein allergrößter Hit

Ich falle ab und zieh euch mit

Meine Hände schaften nie ein Werk

Ich rollte Steine auf den Berg

sie rollten jedes mal zurück

Ich greif zum Hammer und nicht zum Strick

Olé

Der Baron der großen Töne ward ich einst genannt

Flieg von der Kugel ab und nehm sie in die Hand

Lass sie ab ins schwarze Rohr

und stell mir die Geschichte vor

dass ich aussteig aus diesem Spiel

Und lass es los, das Projektil

Für meine Tränen schäm ich mich

Bin in der Tat recht weinerlich

Doch nun ich keine mehr vergieß

wenn ich euch Blei um die Ohren schieß

Vorhang auf, das Spiel beginnt

Ich verschon nicht Frau noch Kind

Wer hat noch nicht, wer will noch mehr

Ein Feldzug ohne Wiederkehr

Olé

Der Baron der großen Töne ward ich einst genannt

Flieg von der Kugel ab und nehm sie in die Hand

Lass sie ab ins schwarze Rohr

und stell mir die Geschichte vor

dass ich aussteig aus diesem Spiel

Und lass es los, das Projektil

About the band:

I saw them 1 ½ times over 10 years ago. They were on the rise back then and I saw them open for a band I was curious about and at a wine festival (that we almost missed because drunk people don´t always give good directions), hence the ½ time.

The music video for Amoktango was done by fans of the band as a fan project. The youtube channel is the inofficial channel of the band run by their drummer Laura.

I like their lyrics because they are a little clever, a little weird and have some good potential for puns. Their album title “Sucht und Ordnung” is a wordplay of the phrase “Zucht und Ordnung” meaning strict discipline and order. “Sucht” on the other hand means addiction/obsession.

Their albums can no longer be purchased (I tried it on their website and the order never goes through). They don´t seem to tour anymore and I´m not sure if they still exist. I only know three of their songs by heart and one of their covers. They are not on Spotify which makes it really hard for people to find them.

Which is a shame because this songs slaps in particular.

If you want a more chill song that is still a little clever, try “Sommer”. (Let me know if you want this translated as well.)

Thanks for listening/reading.

I'm sorry, but the songs weren't really my cup of tea :/

I appreciate you for transcribing and translating the lyrics though. Thanks for sharing the memories you have from seeing this band <3

(the videos were fun though hehe stop motion lego animation <3)