#but the three Ss looks weird

[yes-too-yves]

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certified yves bonnefoy fan blog!

Meet the Mods (the three S's)!

Mod Sophia - the most criminally not funny, can speak whatever i put my mind to (just not French) stop editing my posts SRIYA [ :( ]

Mod Sindhu - not funny, can speak french (?)

Mod Sriya the bonnefoy-ed genius - not funny, cannot speak french nor English tbh (Don't touch my Bonnefoy-ed genius Sophia or Ill start crossing things out on yours too)

[theloveinc]

the ideas i'm having right now vs. my ability to express them and myself

[ugh-yoongi]

a word from our sponsors | knj

you’ve co-hosted a podcast with namjoon for three years; have known him even longer. the two of you have always been the picture of platonic, but that hasn’t stopped the internet from doing what the internet does. the shipping? a little weird at first, but you can understand it: two attractive twenty-somethings always in close proximity to one another, obvious (platonic!) chemistry—people have created ships for less. the fanfiction, though? also pretty funny… until you can’t stop thinking about it. 🎙️

pairing: namjoon x f. reader genre: podcast, friends to lovers au; crack, smut, fluff rating: explicit. minors do not interact. warnings: parasocial relationships galore, a m*n with a p*dcast, author abuses italics, swearing, alcohol, reader uses a pseudonym/nickname (piper) because writing the meta fanfiction scene would've been too weird without one and i refuse to use y/n, dialogue-heavy but it is a fic about a podcast, everyone is down horrendous, mentions of social media & fake r*ddit posts, ex-boyfriend yoongi but in a good, healthy way. let me know if i missed anything but mostly this is just two goofballs not realizing they're in love with one another. smut warnings: kissing, oral sex (f. receiving), fingering, unprotected vaginal sex (fiction), protected vaginal sex (nonfiction), a lil squirting, mild degradation, mentions of a p*ss kink but there is no actual pee i promise (...lest?), i didn't intend to write size kink but it's namjoon so it just showed up anyway, slight dom!joon, everyone orgasms. wordcount: 17.5k credits: this was entirely inspired by that one episode of the basement yard where frankie reads the smut fic of him and joe, so credits to both that author and that podcast. spotify, for their podcast name generator. astro-seek for helping me drag namjoon astrologically. an extra special, gigantic thanks to @effortandmore for writing the meta fanfic (3k of it, no less!) and not batting an eye when i said it could have pee in it as a joke. this is as much yours as it is mine. finally, @hot-soop and @the-boy-meets-evil for reading this over for me and telling me i'm funny. author's note: happy birthday, indigo! here i am to validate every fear you've ever had that the people you write porn about may one day read it. live and on air. :)

You’ve co-hosted a podcast with Namjoon for three years.

You can learn a lot about a guy in that amount of time.

None of it is especially salacious. You know all about his family and his dog and the brand of recycled paper towels he insists on buying in bulk. You know what he’d written his grad school thesis on and what he’d looked like in the thick of it, when he was staving off his fifth mental break of the week. You know how fidgety he gets when it’s closing in on Friday night and he’s got a date—how much he stresses over which restaurant to pick, which cologne, which expensive cashmere sweater to wear.

You also know what the internet thinks about him. Intimately.

Kim Namjoon, according to the internet, is peak husband material. He has cheeks ripe for pinching and thighs small countries would go to war to defend. He has a lap that doubles as a seat and dimples people want to get baptized in. He has Instagram selfies with hundreds of thousands of likes and comment sections full of intelligible keysmashes, especially the ones he posts from the gym.

Kim Namjoon, according to the internet, is a man written by a woman.

Looking at him now, you aren’t sure that’s true, you think people just need to raise their standards. Namjoon is just… Namjoon. He’s intelligent and kind and up to date on modern feminist theory, is all. And, sure, maybe in the current political landscape that puts him far above the rest of men, but the way the internet has latched onto him is a little concerning.

“There’s another post about whether or not we’re dating,” you say, pushing your glasses up the bridge of your nose.

sooo let’s be real here, we ALL think they’re dating, right?? Posted by u/pod-shipper 2 hours ago

Just like he always does, Namjoon huffs out a soft laugh, makes his way around to your side of the table. Puts his large hands on your shoulders as he leans in close to read from your screen, snorting every time he reads a sentence he finds particularly amusing. Whichever cologne he’d chosen this morning is, admittedly, very nice.

It’s sooo obvious, especially in the episodes they film and post on YouTube. The way they look at each other?? I don’t even look at my HUSBAND like that! (+1264) ↳ omg ur sooooo right! i could MAYBE buy that they aren’t full on dating, but they’ve def at least slept together. Namjoon is so 🔥🔥🔥 (+791) ↳ um how can namjoon be dating her when he’s already married to me 😌💅 (+3) ↳ For the millionth time, can we not speculate on their personal lives? This is weird and reinforces really harmful ideas that men and women can’t just be friends. (-51)

“How come they never talk about how hot you are?”

You can tell by the look on Namjoon’s face that he hadn’t meant to say that—or, if he did, he didn’t mean to say it like that, with an entire pout, eyebrows raised nearly to his hairline. “Cursed to be ugly and dumb,” you joke to ease the sudden tension, reading the comment that simply says you’d have to be the dumbest person alive to not sleep with Namjoon.

He scrunches his nose at that. Returns to his side of the table. “Yeah, I don’t think so, lots of people haven’t slept with me.” Starts to unpack all the gear from his bag before he says, “Hey, all that stuff—does it bother you?”

“What do you mean?” you answer, the corner of a protein bar stuck in your mouth. Namjoon always insists on recording at the most inconvenient times.

“People thinking we’re together,” he clarifies.

You shrug. “I dunno. Not really. Comes with the territory, I think, not to mention how much you love to overshare—”

“Hello?”

“I’m just saying,” you retort, hands raised in self-defense. “There really was no need for you to mention you blew your grad school stipend on a porn scam.” Namjoon looks affronted, like he can’t believe you’d stoop so low as to bring that up. “Or that you lost your virginity at fifteen.”

“We have a relationship podcast,” he states simply. “That’s kind of what we do, right? Talk about relationships? And the spectrum of human sexuality is part of that.”

You slump back in your chair as you quirk an eyebrow. “No one said it wasn’t, I just said you overshare. Which you do.”

“And that’s why there’s a dozen Reddit posts a week discussing whether or not we’re dating? Because I overshare?”

“Yeah, exactly. That’s the kind of behavior that leads to parasocial relationships. People latch onto that shit. Makes them think they’re your friend.” He glares. “Don’t give me that look, you know I’m right. It’s bad enough you’ve word-vomited all this highly personal information about yourself, but to not even do it under a pseudonym? It’s like you’re begging for trouble.”

Another comment he doesn’t even realize he’s making: “I don’t beg. For anything.”

To this day, you’re not sure why Namjoon asked you to co-host a podcast with him.

His reasoning had been simple: “You’re my best friend and we don’t agree on anything.” Hard to argue with that. Namjoon has seemingly endless patience, even in the face of things he shouldn’t entertain, and you… do not, to put it simply.

You’re not a cold person. Your fuse isn’t short. You’re just a little jaded, is all. Have far less propensity for bullshit than Namjoon does, so the two of you play well off each other. You end a sentence with a well-punctuated full stop and Namjoon’s right behind you to sigh and say maybe you shouldn’t be so hasty, not everything in the world can be so black or white.

Except some things are. Somewhere along the way, the podcast—which Namjoon had affectionately named Place Him Gently in the Garbage, even though some people should be shoved in there with force—had picked up a following. A big one. And now, every week, you’re inundated with emails ranging in severity. Sometimes people just want to vent after their tenth bad date in a row or share funny stories, and Namjoon lets you take the lead on those, but sometimes it’s a little more serious. That’s where Namjoon shines, all that endless patience, and people love him for it.

“What’s on the agenda today?” he asks, accepting a thick stack of papers from Jungkook.

Ah, Jungkook.

You aren’t sure what he actually does. Some kind of social media manager, which is obvious from the wildly out-of-context clips he posts of you to TikTok, and it’s his responsibility to go through the thousands of emails you get from listeners, but aside from that all you’ve got are your suspicions that he just sticks around to swindle Namjoon out of more and more money.

“I’m in a silly goofy mood,” comes Jungkook’s reply, and you let out a witch cackle as Namjoon winces. Nothing good ever comes of Jungkook being in a silly goofy mood, and that’s quite alright by you.

Fifteen minutes later finds you with a camera in your face that you greet with an unamused, flat stare. Jungkook is used to it by now. Just films for a few seconds before turning his attention to an unaware Namjoon. Head down, pen and highlighter going a mile a minute as he pores over the stack of papers with all the doggedness and eagle-eyed stare of a literature professor.

That’s the thing about Namjoon—he takes this really seriously. So do you, but not in the ways Namjoon does. He’s all skill and determination and you’re color commentary. It works. It clearly works, so you aren’t too bent out of shape about it, but sometimes you worry. Namjoon takes this really seriously and sometimes you worry that he takes it too seriously, that he carries the burdens and worries of all these strangers, that he’s trying to solve and fix things that aren’t his responsibility to solve and fix.

So he takes it really seriously and you don’t take it as seriously as you maybe should, and everything is by design. Balanced.

Twenty minutes later finds you staring across the table at Namjoon, who asks, “Are you ready?” and does one last equipment check before he launches into, “Welcome back to another episode of Place Him Gently in the Garbage with Namjoon and Piper. What’s new with you, Pipe? Any fun news?”

Pipe. It drives you nuts. Feels like nails on a chalkboard. “I see you almost every single day,” you respond dryly. “But for the sake of entertainment, I’m thinking about getting a cat.”

“A cat?” Namjoon parrots, and his eyebrows disappear beneath his fringe because he knows what that means.

You’ve co-hosted a podcast with Namjoon for three years, but you’ve known him even longer.

Since your first year of college, which is also when you met Yoongi. Yoongi, your ex. Yoongi, the person you’d been with for six years and had planned a life around. Yoongi, now one of your closest friends, because the two of you still love one another but no longer in that way, which is fine. But also—Yoongi, allergic to cats.

So, yeah. Namjoon knows what that means, and he has the good sense not to mention it. Unlike him, you’re intensely private and keep your cards close to your chest. Your listeners don’t even know your real name, let alone that you’d gone through a breakup a year ago.

“What kind of cat?” he continues, like his entire world hasn’t just been turned upside-down.

You shrug. “Eh, I don’t know. Probably one that’s been in the shelter a long time, I guess. I’m not too fussy, you know?”

“Right, a cat is a cat,” Namjoon says, thinking he’s done something. You and Jungkook gasp at the same time. “What? Why are you giving me that look?”

“Because that’s a fucked up thing to say! A cat is not just a cat. They have little personalities, just like people. You’ve got—”

“But you just said you’re not fussy,” he interjects. “And I know they have personalities and that you have to find one that suits your lifestyle! Like, you can’t have one of those really cool cats that likes to go kayaking and shit, it’d never work—”

“What does that mean? Why couldn’t I have a cool cat?”

“Hey, all you cool cats and kittens,” Namjoon mocks, and you can tell he thinks he’s done something again, but his impression falls flatter than flat. An awkward silence fills the studio. He coughs. “Anyway. Do you have pictures?”

“Yeah. I also have a list of candidates ranked by how cool their names are. Number five, Casserole.”

“That’s cute.”

“Mhm,” you agree, “but Casserole is a kitten, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that kind of responsibility.”

“They do say you should adopt kittens in pairs.”

“And that’s how they get you. You want one kitten and they talk you into two, and before you know it you’ve got, like, twelve cats. Number four, Party Girl.”

“Sick name.”

“Number three, Toddler.”

“Toddler?”

“Number two, Flat.”

“Just Flat? Understandable.”

“And, finally, number one: Human Torch.”

“Yoooo.” Namjoon laughs. “You have to adopt Human Torch. Let me see.” You pull up a picture on your phone and hand it over. “Okay, for our listeners—Human Torch is a young, male Domestic Short Hair. He has stripes. I don’t know what that’s called.”

“Tabby,” Jungkook chimes in.

“Jungkook says he’s a tabby. He’s cute. Adopt him.”

You return your phone to your pocket. “Maybe. I still think I want an older cat, but I’ll consider it. What about you, though? Any new dating horror stories to share?”

Ah, the dating horror stories. Your most dedicated shippers are convinced they’re fake, that Namjoon just makes them up on the spot to keep them off your trail. If only. Not in the if only they were fake and Namjoon and I were actually dating kind of way, but the holy shit one of my closest friends is a fucking disaster and it’s a little embarrassing kind of way.

“Not really,” he answers. “I’ve got a date this Friday, though. Trying to decide if dinner and a movie is too boring.”

“It’s a classic for a reason. What are you gonna see, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3?”

“Three?” Namjoon emphasizes, truly sounding scandalized. “Since when are there three? I haven’t even seen one or two.”

“Okay, first of all, the original is a classic and it’s a crime you haven’t seen it.”

“And second of all?”

“There is no second of all. Repeat point one.”

He snorts. “I’m not gonna see that, anyway. Maybe the re-release of Howl’s Moving Castle.”

“Subbed or dubbed, though?”

“Are you trying to get me canceled?”

“Absolutely.”

“I like both,” he chickens out. “Now, let’s stop wasting time and get to the point of the show.”

“Talking about cats is a waste of time?”

“I—no, we’ve just got a lot on the agenda today.”

“Like what?”

“Well, there’s lots to talk about on the celebrity front—”

Namjoon loves this part. As esteemed and educated as he is, not even he is immune to good old celebrity gossip. (Inside him there are two wolves.) Lives for it. Texts you about it at all hours of the night. Sends you links to Reddit threads with hundreds of comments. Has more opinions on Celebrity Big Brother than he does on Ludwig Wittgenstein, sometimes, and when that’s the case you know you’re in for a long evening. You’ve never even seen an episode of Celebrity Big Brother.

But Namjoon loves it, so you’ve become fond of it by association. Reminds you a bit of Yoongi and his love for sports and sports anime.

“—one should we start with?”

“Whatever you want,” you answer, because you haven’t been paying a lick of attention and you aren’t sure it matters anyway. Namjoon can talk to a wall on a good day, but he’s an entirely different beast once mundane, innocuous celeb gossip gets involved.

And even though you hadn’t been paying attention, it seems like this was the right thing to say, because Namjoon smiles so wide his dimples crater his face. “Cool. Let’s start with Taryn Manning. Did you see that bizarre—”

“Who?”

“What?”

“Who is Taryn Manning?”

Namjoon looks a little dumbstruck. Even Jungkook’s arching an eyebrow at you. “Are you serious? She was in Orange is the New Black and Crossroads.”

“The Britney Spears movie?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. Weird, okay. Continue.”

Your co-host shoots you a very pointed look. “I will, thanks. Anyway, she posted a video on social media talking about this affair she had with a married man. Like, she pulled over on the side of the road to record this. Said she can’t stand the man’s wife because she called her a quote-unquote lunatic.”

“I—huh, thought we weren’t supposed to say that anymore. Alright.”

“But wait, it gets even more bizarre. Listen to this quote—and this is direct. This is a direct quote from the video, I can’t stop thinking about it: ‘Don’t you ever threaten me when your husband came to me to get his butthole licked.’ Can you—”

“What? Namjoon, what in the fuck—”

“It’s crazy, right? She was gonna buy this guy a boat.”

“Namjoon, this is a family show, you can’t just talk about ass-eating unprompted.”

“No it’s not.”

“Well, you still shouldn’t talk about ass-eating unprompted. It’s unbecoming.”

“You’re unbecoming,” Namjoon fires back, because he can’t help it. The words are out of his mouth before he can think. “Sorry, that was out of line.”

You sigh. Know whatever look Jungkook is catching on his camera right now is exasperated and pointed, the corners of your mouth probably tugged up just a hint. “Unbecoming, like I said.” Namjoon scoffs. “Anyway, so this actress was gonna buy this married guy a boat and was eating his ass?”

“Yeah. Apparently it was her friend’s husband? They all went to a Taylor Swift concert together.”

“Jesus, this keeps getting worse. Big year for Hollywood cheaters.”

“It is, right? Cheaters and divorces. Something in the water, I guess.”

“I saw the astrology girlies saying a bunch of planets are in retrograde, so—”

“Can you explain that to me? Like, what does it mean for a planet to be in retrograde? Why is it causing divorces?”

“I don’t know, I’m not an astrology girlie. That’s why I said the astrology girlies. What are your big three, though?”

“What’s that?”

“Your sun, moon, and rising signs.”

“How do I find that out?”

“Ugh,” you intone, “don’t worry about it, I’ll do it myself. What time were you born?”

Namjoon rattles off a time.

You grab your laptop. Pull up the page, type in Namjoon’s date of birth and birthplace, and wait. Then you’re staring at a circle with a bunch of lines in it that also don’t make a lick of sense to you. You roll your lips to keep from laughing and school your voice into something deadly serious. “Bad news: it says you’re a virgin.”

“Virgo,” Namjoon corrects, not taking the bait. “I already knew that.”

You scroll a little further down the page. “Your moon is in Sagittarius. Oh god, listen to this, they’ve got you pegged: ‘The greatest need is to always search for something. In order to feel safe you need a philosophy or belief’—”

“Haaa, that’s not—”

“—’You need to have a goal or mission that gives your life meaning. Your faith must be voluntary and it is a paradox that fighting against dogmas may lead you to other dogmas.’ Yeah, that’s you.”

“That could apply to anyone,” he argues. “There are seven-billion people on this planet; I’d imagine a sizable amount of them would say that also describes them.”

“Hm, sounds like your faith in astrology is not yet voluntary. Did you know you’re a Scorpio rising?”

“No. I’m sure you’re gonna tell me all about it, though.”

You smile. “Correct. ‘People with Scorpio on the Ascendant need to fight against dark and destructive power in their life.’ Is that true?”

“Yeah, you’re the dark and destructive power. You keep sidetracking me and we need to get to the point of the podcast.” He grabs the stack of papers Jungkook had given him. Looks more highlighter than paper, if you’re being honest. “I guess Jungkook thought we needed a lighthearted kind of day.”

“That was nice of him, considering what he gave us last week. I guess we’re allowed to have faith in humanity today.”

To your left, Jungkook scoffs.

“Alright,” Namjoon starts, putting on his Very Serious Podcast Guy voice, “first up we’ve got a question from one of our listeners in Canada. It says, ‘Hi, Piper and Namjoon. I recently agreed to go on a blind date with a friend of a friend. She said he was a bit old-fashioned but really talked him up so I thought I was in good hands—and then he showed up to get me in a ‘67 GTO and exclusively referred to me as doll. He didn’t use my name once. I’m torn, because he was really nice and I had a good time otherwise, but this is weird, right? Should I see him agai—’”

“No,” you interject.

“Can I finish?”

“You don’t have to. This guy sounds greasy.”

Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose. “And why is that?”

“Ignoring the fact that this guy has arguably one of the lamest classic cars around, he didn’t use their name once? Not once, in all the time they spent together? That’s really disrespectful.”

“Some people are just pet name people,” Namjoon argues.

“With absolute strangers, though? It’s really giving the impression that he didn’t even know it, not to mention some people are uncomfortable with pet names. The whole shtick is super lame.”

“I agree it sounds a bit misguided, but—”

Ignoring Namjoon, you say, “Sorry you had to go on a date with the ghost of less-cool James Dean. Into the garbage he goes.”

And, just like he’s done a million times before, Namjoon rolls his eyes and says, “If you really like this guy and want to see him again, a bit of communication will go a long way. Tell him the pet name made you uncomfortable—if it did—and offer to pick him up for the next date. I don’t think he’s completely destined for the garbage, yet.”

“You’re just saying that because you don’t have a license. You probably think a 1967 Pontiac GTO is the pinnacle of romance. That’s probably like picking someone up on a Specialized Aethos to you, eh?”

“That’s a fifteen-thousand dollar bike, I’ll have you know.”

You groan. “Oh my god.”

Ep: #183 - Namjoon is a Virgin

I think Namjoon had the right idea on this one. Sure, the car can be considered lame, but I think a lot of men are deeply insecure and therefore overcompensate when it comes to dating. Women are hard to impress when they have unlimited options. You have to stand out, so I’m glad he advocated for him. Piper can come off like such a misandrist sometimes. (-649) ↳ just shut up bro namjoon would fuckin hate u (+204) ↳ Imagine caring about something like this when they’re getting a cat together 🙄 (+19)

You think about the cat thing for nearly a week.

Adopting a cat is certainly not the worst idea you’ve ever had, and truth be told it’s been a little lonely, living by yourself. No more Yoongi in your space; no more Holly. So, having a new little friend around might do you some good.

It’s just—

It’s a big commitment, and there’s also the dog sitting-shaped elephant in the room. Ending things on good terms means you’re still Yoongi’s second-choice sitter whenever he has to go out of town, and while you love Holly dearly (the two of you had adopted him together, after all), he’s a lot like his father in a lot of ways.

Should I get a cat, you type out, and it’s only been in Yoongi’s inbox a few seconds before the most unflattering picture you’ve ever taken of him is flashing across your screen.

“Are you dying?” you ask, because Yoongi doesn’t call you for much else.

And you already know what his response is going to be. “We’re all dying.”

“Lighten up, Yoongi. One might say being so existentially nihilistic before noon causes wrinkles.”

There’s a split-second pause. “It’s nine p.m.”

“Sure, but it’s before tomorrow’s noon, so it still counts.”

“Whatever. Listen, before you adopt that cat, I need a favor.”

“You going out of town again?”

“Yeah. Shouldn’t be long, though. A week at the most, five days if I’m lucky.”

“That’s fine, bring him over whenever. Yijeong’s busy?”

This pause is far, far longer. “No,” comes Yoongi’s eventual response, but it’s slow. Unsure. A two-letter word has never taken so long to say in the history of ever. “He’s, uh. Coming with me?”

Oh, you think. This is where your ex awkwardly and hesitantly breaks the news of his new relationship. You’ve known this day was coming, and this is what you get for staying friends with him. “This is a fanfiction plot,” you accuse. “Hot, mysterious man moves into a gaudy apartment complex after ending a long-term relationship and meets his equally-hot and mysterious neighbor and they fall in love.”

“I—that’s not—my apartment is not gaudy.”

“Yes it is. There’s a giant gold bust of a weird bird in the lobby.”

“Weird bird?” he parrots. “It’s a swan.”

“I see you’re not denying the in-love-with-your-neighbor accusations.”

“Am I on trial?” Yoongi retorts, and it’s such a Yoongi thing to say when what he means is, is this okay? He means, are we able to talk about this without it being weird? He means, I won’t ever say as much out loud, but your acceptance means a lot to me, and I’d like for you to give me this.

So you lower your voice and soften the edges because it’s not really something to joke about, and you say, “No, of course you’re not on trial,” and Yoongi knows what you mean. “And if you were, you'd get locked up for fifty years. You can’t lie for shit.”

There’s a beat of silence before he clears his throat, mutters a thanks that is so quiet you almost don’t catch it. “Send me pictures of the cats.”

Later on, once you’re freshly-showered and tucked into bed with a candle and a book (Eloge de l’amour by Alain Badiou at Namjoon’s insistence and request), your phone buzzes with a text from Yoongi—

Yoongi: toddler is a fucking hilarious name for a cat but so is flat Yoongi: it’s a tie for me You: Okay well pick one 🙄 Yoongi: yijeong says get both You: Both???? Is he paying my vet bills? Yoongi: kinda out of line to proposition him for money. flat is also good with dogs, js You: If he’s now being raised by you two, my perfect, well-behaved son is probably long gone. Does he even count as a dog anymore? Yoongi: me and yijeong both say fuck off Yoongi: holly too. he says he doesn’t miss you anymore and he’s not coming over now Yoongi has added Yijeong to the group Yoongi has changed the group name to #ThirdWheelChat Yijeong: Please don’t drag me into this. Also I did not say “fuck off” You have changed the group name to People Who Have Seen Yoongi Naked Yoongi: fuck you

You should’ve known something was going on with Jungkook, because it’d started like this:

(When you and Namjoon started the podcast three years ago, it was in the living room of his apartment.

Surrounded by books and plants. He loved to record in the afternoons back then—Namjoon loved to say it was because of his grad school schedule, but you’ve always suspected he just wanted to preen in the golden hour light, much like he’s doing now.

“Is this really necessary?” Jungkook whines from his spot on the couch. He’s already swindled Namjoon out of two bags of microwavable popcorn and three cans of sparkling water. “It’s a Saturday afternoon; I could be doing something so much more fun than this.”

Namjoon scoffs. “Are you saying this isn’t fun?”

“Yeah. It sucks, actually. This could’ve been an email.”

And because Namjoon is accomplished, mature, and absolutely incapable of not taking Jungkook’s bait, the space between his brows creases as he sends a murderous glare Jungkook’s way. “Stop eating my food, then. And drinking my drinks. And lounging on my couch like that—”

“I’m not lounging,” Jungkook argues.

“You’re manspreading all over the leather!”

“This is how I sit!”

“Well, knock it off! My couch is only for fun and people who think I’m fun!”

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “So you fuck on it?”

“What?”

“What other fun things could you possibly do on a couch?”

Namjoon blinks. “Watch… watch a movie?”

Jungkook groans, throws himself backwards against the pillows as if he’s suffering a Victorian ailment. “Jesus. No wonder you can’t score a second date.”

“Okay, that was a little uncalled for. There are a ton of reasons a person might not want a second date, and no one is obligated to go out with me—”

“Uh-huh. Anyway—”

You clear your throat. Try to hide your own can of seltzer you’d taken from Namjoon’s fridge in the midst of his and Jungkook’s bickering. “Not trying to be rude, but I have an appointment at the shelter at three. If, y’know. You wouldn’t mind speeding this up a little.”

“Oh! Yeah, of course—”

“Oh, so you’ll speed this up for her but not—”

Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose. “She,” he begins, jerking his thumb in your direction, “isn’t needlessly complaining and actually has someplace to be.”)

It was just a quick little rendezvous in Namjoon’s living room to come up with a rough draft for the following month’s episodes. He couldn’t do it over text because he’d fallen down the steps at his office and landed on his ass on the corner of a step and his phone had been in his back pocket. Cracked clean in half. And he couldn’t do it over email because he—rightfully—knew Jungkook would ignore them because he has his inbox set up to send all of Namjoon’s personal emails to the trash.

But Jungkook holds onto things like that. Grudges. Loves to let Namjoon think bygones are bygones and pop up a few days later with some evil scheme. Hence:

“What is this?”

Jungkook smirks. Rocks back on his heels. “It’s fanfiction.”

“I can see that, but… why?”

This is where Jungkook shines: the ominous, cheshire cat grin; the aw, shucks demeanor that gaslights Namjoon into thinking Jungkook couldn’t possibly be fucking with him. “Well, you were having trouble coming up with ideas for episodes, and there’s an email in there from someone whose partner reads really expli—”

“Jungkook, this is fanfiction about me.”

You can’t help the laugh that escapes you. Of all the weird shit you’ve seen on the internet (and there’s been a lot), fanfiction of people you know—your friends—was something you’d managed to escape. Probably by virtue of not knowing anyone famous enough to warrant fanfiction being written about them.

But you should’ve known. You really, really should’ve known.

“Oh my god?”

You’re not sure who says it. Could be you or Namjoon, but the sentiment is the same. He mouths a what the fuck at you that’s met with a shrug. You’re in uncharted territory now, too. “Where did you even find this?” you ask, taking the stack of papers from Namjoon. “And why did you print it out?”

“Because I’m going to track down whoever wrote it and get them to autograph it. Then I’m going to buy a nice frame and hang it on the wall behind him, so we never forget this historical moment in Place Him Gently in the Garbage lore.”

“It’s a podcast,” Namjoon deadpans, “how can it have lore? And how much lore can there possibly be?”

“It’s the internet,” you concede. “The lore possibilities are endless. Don’t tempt them.”

Jungkook nods sagely, well-versed in the degeneracy of the internet. “Yeah, that’s how you end up with shit like 4chan.”

“4chan? There’s Space Jam porn on there.”

As the youngest, all Jungkook can do is roll his eyes. “Sometimes explaining this shit to you feels like trying to teach old people how to rotate PDFs—”

Namjoon scoffs. “I’m not that bad. I know how to rotate a PDF.”

Wow, Jungkook mouths. “Anyway, back to the fanfiction—”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Namjoon interjects. He looks at you. “It’s weird, right? Like, it’s weird that people have written this about us?”

About us.

Your scope of the world narrows to the size of a pinhead. It’d just been about Namjoon before. This is fanfiction about me, he’d said, and you hadn’t been included in that. Now it’s written about us and you’re included.

“I—what?”

“It’s about us,” Namjoon repeats.

Jungkook rolls his lips. “It’s about the two of you fucking, to be specific.”

“Can you not—”

“Fucking a lot,” Jungkook continues. “So much fucking.”

Namjoon looks at you, and it’s all you can do to keep from laughing. The look on his face is pure bewilderment, both that Jungkook has cooked up this idea and is hell-bent on executing it and that he remains employed. And maybe it’s a little bit of nerves, too, because neither of you are ignorant of the risks. Reading fanfiction about yourselves—about the two of you as a couple, specifically, or at least two people who have sex—is weird. Not something you can unread.

And maybe it’s because you’re so determined to not make it weird that you send Namjoon a cheeky, exaggerated wink, shrug your shoulders, and say, “I’ll need a couple drinks, but I’m down.”

Jungkook throws his head back and cackles wildly, and that look of bewilderment on Namjoon’s face morphs into something else. Trepidation, maybe; definitely disbelief, because sometimes he lets himself get swept away in Jungkook’s schemes, but it’s rare that you follow suit.

As Jungkook continues to laugh, you wonder if you should’ve said no.

Namjoon has two stipulations: the two of you have to film the episode completely alone, and he, too, needs to be a little drunk.

The latter? Piece of cake, considering Namjoon has become some sort of whiskey aficionado in recent years. His drinking is streamlined and to the point—he knows exactly how much and what to drink to get him where he wants to be. You can’t say he isn’t efficient.

The former, though? Borderline impossible. From the second Namjoon states his terms, Jungkook is having none of it. Argues that he’s the one who found the story and the one who cleared it with the author, so he deserves to witness the fruits of his labor.

“No,” Namjoon repeats for the nth time, “no way. I’ll barely be able to do this with just her, let alone both of you.”

And that—that doesn’t bother you, right? You force a laugh, because why would it bother you?

There are few secrets between you and Namjoon, except your respective sex lives have been staunchly off-limits. Namjoon could be a virgin for all you know, and as you study him—the way he keeps bobbing his leg, the slight shake in his hands—you wonder if that’s the reason he’s being so weird about this.

It’s just a story.

Fiction.

Most people don’t have to worry about someone writing stories about them fucking their friends. If they do, you reckon even less actually read them. So, sure, it’s a little strange, but people from all over the world send in stranger stuff all the time, don’t they? It’s literally the reason you’re in this predicament.

Eventually Jungkook agrees. His whining has gotten him nowhere, so he just throws up his hands. Posts a cryptic little “u guys won’t believe what the next patreon ep is lmao” that sends the internet into a frenzy. Doubles your Patreon numbers almost immediately, and both you and Namjoon do a good job of pretending the pressure isn’t overwhelming.

Jesus. You have to read explicit fanfiction about yourselves. On camera.

Namjoon gets caught up with work and isn’t available until the weekend, so you’re forced to sit with the nerves for a few days. Not too bad at first, but you’re nearly coming out of your skin by Thursday with the need to know. You’re well-versed in the world of fanfiction, but this is fanfiction about you: your name, your likeness, maybe even your personality.

What will they know of Namjoon, though?

Will they get it right, the way he looks with his jaw clenched? How impossibly deep his voice can go, both when it’s raspy with sleep and when he’s fully at ease? Will the Namjoon in the story be closer to the Namjoon you know, or the version of himself he presents to the public?

And you’ve known him a long time—long enough that there are few secrets between you, but you don’t know the most intimate parts. All the parts the internet loves to speculate on. All the little gaps that, apparently, need to be filled in by fanfiction.

Will they know what Namjoon looks like when he gets off?

No, you scold yourself, jerking awkwardly like you’ve been burned, and neither will you.

Because you are not going to think about this. Your thoughts are not going to go there. Namjoon is your friend, and you’ve listened to him scold an endless amount of men on the podcast for exactly this behavior. Sexualizing their friends. You’re not going to do it, too.

Maybe that’s why you’re kind of seeing double when it comes time to record. Namjoon needed an extra shot and offered you one as well. You’d necked it without a second thought and now you’re here, trying to ignore the slight tilt of the room as Namjoon adjusts the camera.

“How’s the shot look?” he asks, gesturing vaguely behind him at his laptop screen because Jungkook had refused to lend you his fancy cameras if he wasn’t allowed to be involved.

It’s a completely normal question.

It’s a question you’ve asked and answered a million times.

Except—there’s something horribly distracting about Namjoon in this moment. The outline of his back muscles through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. The way the sleeves are tight around his biceps. He’s always been a gym rat, always carries around a protein shake that smells and looks completely foul, but you can’t remember it ever being this obvious.

And you take too long to answer, because Namjoon straightens up just enough to send you a concerned look. Which does not help. You are not imagining what else might cause his brows to pinch like that, what might have his lips parting, have sweat dotting his hairline.

You swallow. Hard.

“Looks fine,” you manage to say. He’s still staring. Are you on fire? You feel like you’re on fire, which would make sense. Would explain Namjoon’s sweating and concerned stare and the fact that he cannot stop staring at you. “Maybe a tiny bit to the right if we’re being picky,” you tack on, hoping it’ll break whatever spell the two of you are ensnared in.

It works. “To the—the right, yeah, makes sense,” he rambles.

He moves it an inch to the left.

—

Things are tense, to say the least.

Recording hasn’t been this awkward since your first episode, or maybe ever. You’re sat across from one another like you always are, and usually Namjoon would be making quip after quip by now, talking endlessly until Jungkook shushed him long enough to get the intro filmed. Now, there’s just silence.

“Should we…?” Namjoon startles. Bangs his knee on the underside of the table and drops a string of curses. “Sorry, are you—”

“I’m fine,” he says, cutting you off. He gestures vaguely toward the camera. “I’ll just… yeah.”

Showtime.

You wipe your hands on your jeans, unsure of when they got so damp. Unsure of when you’d grown so nervous, too, because you’d been fine an hour ago. Had strolled in with two cups of tea and a little too much confidence, giddy at what you were about to do.

Maybe the nerves had shown up alongside the alcohol. This sounds reasonable, and you do not, under any circumstance or for any reason, think about Namjoon’s back. Or his biceps.

Namjoon makes it through the intro, dimples deep and wide as he smiles, and you also don’t think about the way his voice cracks and gets a little breathy when he introduces you. It’s only because he’d been drinking, and the flush on his cheeks attests to that. The same flush that creeps down his neck, still a little sweaty; disappears beneath the hemline of his shirt.

“—Jungkook had. Right, Piper?”

Now it’s your turn to startle, and there’s not much you can do to hide the obvious except ask Namjoon to redo the shot. Because it’s bad enough the internet already overanalyzes every move you make, every word choice, every instance you’ve stared at Namjoon a second longer than they thought you would—this is a blatant display of… affectedness.

“Sorry,” you say, “I wasn't paying attention. Can we redo it?”

You’re expecting a playful scolding. A ha ha, get it together, because that’s what you usually get. But there’s nothing aside from Namjoon studying you and nodding. Asking if you’re okay. Saying, “Is this—this is weird, right? Is it too weird? Maybe we shouldn’t—”

An out. Namjoon is giving you an out, and you should take it, you know you should take it, so there’s absolutely no reason at all you shake your head and say, “No, no, it’s fine! I think I’m just a little, uh. Drunk?”

“Are you sure? We can—”

“It’s fine, Joon,” you insist. “Besides, it’ll be good content, right?”

“Good content,” he parrots. “Yeah, for sure.” He fidgets in his seat, runs his hands down the span of his thighs. Very, very thick thighs. “I’ll grab us some water.”

You faceplant onto the table as soon as he’s out of the room. When did his thighs get so thick?

But the water helps. Cures whatever strange, insatiable thirst has come over you, because you feel much more human after a few glasses. Less drunk, too, which makes sense. Yoongi could barely escape your drunken, horny wrath when the two of you were together, so you chalk it up to a Pavlovian response.

Namjoon does the intro again. Introduces you strong and steady, not a hint of nerves, and explains, with a fresh blush taking over his upper body, what the episode’s going to be about. “Someone wrote fanfiction about us,” he says, scratching at the back of his neck. “It’s, uh, pretty explicit. Jungkook thought it’d be funny if we read it.”

You snort. “He might get fired, depending on how this goes.”

“He should get fired regardless,” Namjoon deadpans. “Anyway, we have permission from the author to read this so don’t come after us, and, as always, we’ll put all the credits in the video description.”

“Special shoutout to Jungkook, though, who was not allowed to be here with us for this momentous occasion.”

Namjoon laughs. “I’m sure he’s having plenty of fun at home.” You both pause. “That’s not—I’m not implying anything with that! I just meant—you know, like. He’s hanging out and enjoying his day off.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Moving on. I have two copies of this. Do you want your own?”

You grin, wicked and wide. “Nah, just read it to me.”

“Making me do all the work,” he huffs. “Typical.”

“There’s a stack of papers in front of you that might say otherwise.”

It’s clear you catch him off-guard. He cocks an eyebrow, opens and shuts his mouth a few times like a goldfish. An obvious question sits on the tip of his tongue: You think you’d be in charge? Instead he coughs, jerks his head to the side, and says, “I guess we’ll see.”

It sounds like a challenge.

Thirty seconds is all you get before Namjoon’s shuffling his stack of papers and clearing his throat. Asking if you’re ready and jumping right into it once you say you are. Reads the first few lines like they’re some old lecture notes, and they’re conservative and safe-for-work enough that you start to relax.

And then Namjoon reads, “A louder one wonders if Namjoon is a pet name person—if he’d call her ‘honey,’ or ‘gummy bear,’ ‘babe,’ or ‘baby,’” and you choke.

“Gummy bear?”

Namjoon laughs along with you—the weird one that almost sounds like a dog panting. “You want me to call you gummy bear?”

“I want you to call me a Lyft,” you snark. “I’m leaving.”

He continues:

And that’s how it starts, wandering thoughts, wandering fingers—the first time Piper comes to the thought of Namjoon calling her baby, pushing inside her, showing her that he definitely doesn’t beg, but she does… Well, she’s a little ashamed. She’s apparently got a reputation to maintain, anyway, not to mention a friendship.

His eyes leave the paper and lock onto you. “Or maybe you’d prefer baby?”

“Fuck off.”

Weeks after that first time, it’s become a habit, thinking about Namjoon as something more than a friend. It’s confusing and a little mortifying and it’s starting to affect her in ways she hadn’t expected. When they record, she feels fidgety—she’s jumpy when he gets close, has all the stupid obvious tells of an unwanted crush: her breath hitches when he whispers (why the fuck is he whispering in her ear, anyway? Doesn’t he know what that does to a person?) inside jokes to her so Jungkook can’t hear, her heart rate spikes when their fingers accidentally brush, she feels itchy and hot and a little embarrassed whenever he holds eye contact with her. It’s terrible, and it’s only made worse by the way he’s doing all of those things more than usual. Or, at least she thinks he is, thinks she’s not imagining the way his eyes linger on her more than she can remember happening before or the way she’s caught him staring at her lips when she chews on the end of her pencil mindlessly. 

You’ve completely forgotten how to breathe.

Namjoon’s staring again. You need to salvage this. He’s only on paragraph three and you’re already squirming in your chair and imagining things that are not appropriate. So you roll your lips, return his teasing. “Well? Do you stare at my lips?”

It works. “No,” he scowls.

“You sure?” you joke, morphing your face into something half-pout, half-duck face.

“We’re never gonna finish this if you keep making comments.”

“You started it,” you point out. “Go on, then.”

There’s some dialogue. Some prose that hits way too close to home, has you wondering who on earth wrote this and how they plucked every single thought from deep within your psyche. A pang of fear that maybe you haven’t been as subtle as you’d thought all these years. A moment to confirm to yourself that, no, you haven’t been harboring a secret, deeply-buried crush on Namjoon.

Then he reads—

And then he kisses her. It’s greedy and hot, his lips like a branding iron. She moans a little against her better judgment when he licks at the seam of her mouth, and in return, she can feel Namjoon’s lips curve into a smile against her own. It’s better than she’d been imagining it, really. He’s a good kisser—firm at the right times, soft when she needs it, careful but not cautious. He holds her jaw with one hand and keeps her right where he wants her beneath him (as if she’d want to move, anyway).  When their lips finally part, he rests his forehead on hers. It’s intimate in a way she hadn’t expected, and he looks at her as if she’s the answer to every question. Finally, he whispers, “What’re we doing, Piper?” His lips are still wet and pink and a little swollen from kissing, and she barely hears the question—she’s too busy thinking about kissing him again, about pulling his plump bottom lip between her teeth, teasing and…  “Kissing,” she says finally.  “What do you want?” he asks, sinking to his knees in front of her. And if that alone isn’t an answer to his question… “Whatever you’re willing to give,” she replies. It feels like she’s wanted this forever, this and so much more. Once she got the idea in her head, it’s hard to know if she ever felt differently, ever truly thought they could just be friends. Or, if in the back of her mind, in the dark corners that she never lets see daylight, she always knew she wanted Namjoon. Always knew she loved him.

—and everything goes right out the fucking window.

Namjoon sits with those words for a moment. Scans the paper in his hands and frowns a little when he confirms what you already know. “The rest is, uh. Porn.”

“That is why we’re here.”

“Last chance to back out.”

“I’m not scared,” you lie. “Are you? You’re the one who keeps stalling.”

He huffs. “You’re a pain in my ass,” he retorts, and then nothing is all that funny anymore.

Because Namjoon was right: the rest is straight-up porn. He’s barely able to read the part where he goes down on you with a straight face, turning a deep shade of crimson. Stutters through the part where you pull his hair, and that is not something you needed to know about your friend. You think he loses his grasp of language entirely when he reads, “When he slides a long finger into her and brushes past her most sensitive spot, she arches into him and lets his name fall from her lips in a soft cry. Piper, notorious skeptic, is a babbling, trembling mess as she gets closer to her orgasm,” because all the words are garbled together, producing nothing but gibberish. You think he’s ready to keel over and die when he reads, “Namjoon pulls away briefly, lips slick with her juices, and licks over his top one, pausing to tell her how good she tastes before he dives back in.”

“That was nice of them to include. I appreciate their attention to detail in regards to my personal hygiene.”

“This is so embarrassing,” he whines.

You roll your eyes good-naturedly. “Gimme. I’ll finish it.” He hands over the papers immediately.

Except you regret it immediately. The words you’re staring at are not words you ever thought you’d read or recite in your entire life. Not even for a million dollars. “Oh,” you say instead.

“See? Not as easy as it looks.”

“This is really embarrassing,” you confirm. “I might need another shot.”

“Y-yeah. Alcohol sounds good.”

Namjoon staggers forward obligingly, looks completely fucked out and pliant, willing to do whatever she asks. She remembers the sounds he made when she pulled his hair, wonders if he likes being bossed around, if he wants her to tell him what to do, to be a little mean to him. Maybe it’s different from her dreams, maybe he will beg her. She wants him so badly, she’d do anything for him. So, she pulls his briefs down to expose his absurdly large member, already mostly hard, and slaps it. Gently at first to see how he’ll react, and when he shudders and jerks his hips, she does it again, a little harder. “Look at you,” she whispers, “such a needy boy.”  He whimpers at that, eyes pleading. “Please, Piper…” he whines.   “Please what?” “Please let me fuck you,” he begs. She wants to, wants him so much, wants to feel him stretch her open, and from the looks of his cock, thick and long and drooling with precum, he could. “Should I?” she asks. She musters all her confidence to keep the condescending tone up. It feels wrong given how desperate she is to get him inside her, but it also seems to be getting him worked up and equally as desperate. “Do you even know what to do with that big, stupid cock?”  Namjoon’s cock twitches, and he begs, “I—I’ll fuck you so good, Piper…. I know how, I promise. Just… please?”

“Oh my god,” the two of you say in unison.

You so badly want to ask if this is biographical. How Namjoon feels about a little degradation; what he’d do if someone actually called his cock stupid. Ifsomeone has called his cock stupid. You dare a glance at him and conclude that someone’s had to. Namjoon just has that kind of energy.

But you can’t ask because it’d be weird, so you keep reading.

“How do you want me?” she asks softly when their lips part. There’s a wild look in his eyes, like he’s processing all the possible options out of everything he’s considered. And then it occurs to her. “Have you imagined this before? Thought about how you’d fuck me?” she teases him as she stands, stepping into him. Piper pushes one hand through his hair, brushing it back off of his forehead and wraps her other around his dick, squeezing a little for emphasis on her words. “Yes,” he groans as she strokes him, thumbing at the head of his cock. “Tell me what you want, then. Want me on all fours for you? Want me to show you how it’s done, to let you lay back and ride you so you don’t have to put in any work?” Namjoon’s breathing is getting heavy, pupils blown wider with each suggestion. 

“I told you!” you shriek, laughing in between the words. “I told you I’d…” And then your gloating tapers off, because what happens next has your brain malfunctioning.

“All of that,” he whines as she lets go of his hair and brings her hand down to run a fingertip over his perineum. “Want all of that. Want to bend you over the table and fuck you right here. Hear your sounds in the microphone.” Even in her dirtiest thoughts about him, she hadn’t considered the microphone, hadn’t considered recording it. When she thinks about it though, it makes sense. Namjoon is exactly the kind of person that would get off to someone’s voice. So, she does. She makes a show of turning around and slowly bending over the table, sliding her upper body across it carefully until she can reach her microphone and turn it on. When she says into it, “What’re you waiting for?” she sees over her shoulder the way that Namjoon shivers.

This is… not good. You’re never going to be able to look at a microphone the same way, which is extremely not good for a person who supplements their income with a very popular podcast that requires them to speak into a microphone for extended periods of time.

This is very, very bad.

Namjoon must be thinking the same, because he lets out a strangled a-haaa that’s less of a laugh and more a plea to God, the gods, the entire gamut of higher powers that might be able to save him. No one’s going to, you think, staring down at the paper again. This godless piece of fanfiction will be preserved on the internet forever, will be seared into your mind forever, and no amount of praying is going to erase it.

“I should, uh. Just read the rest, yeah? Get it over with?”

“Mhm. Yep. Yes, please.”

Don’t say please, you almost say. You can’t take it; not after what you’ve just read.

So you put on a show. Steel your expression and your nerves and take it seriously. Use voices and sound effects and desperately try to stave off the awkwardness you know is inevitable because a smut fic is probably only going to end one way, and that’s with you acting out Namjoon having an orgasm.

Maybe you’ll have another one, too, if the author is nice.

It’s sweet, she thinks, the way he’s easy for her, takes his time with her. Strokes his fingertips along her sides and kisses the back of her neck reverently. As much as she loves it, part of her hopes he’s not always like this—hopes he’ll give as good as he takes, hopes he’ll put her in her place. She can feel his cock hard against the cleft of her ass, not even inside her yet, and still, she thinks about next time and the time after that. “Still okay?” He breathes into her ear as his tip rubs against her cunt.  “Yeah—want you, Joon.”  “Never thought I’d hear you say those words.”  “I never thought you’d record them,” she teases, eyes glancing up to the flashing light showing the mic picking up all of this as he starts his slow slide into her.  Piper falls even further forward when he bottoms out, letting her forehead rest on the table. He’s whispering filth in her ear, about how he has something to prove, how she’ll never want anyone after this, how no one can fuck her the way he does.  She hates that he’s right.  Each stroke brings a new sensation: sparklers, butterflies, nerve endings on fire as he fucks into her and licks and sucks at her neck, her shoulders, her ear. Piper can’t even think, and this is what people mean when they talk about being fucked stupid, she decides.  It’s perfect.  Every time she thinks she’s getting close again, he changes something: fucks her a little shallower, moves his hips just a little, slows down, speeds up… It’s driving her crazy.  “Come on,” she whines. “I’m so close…” At least she can tell he is, too. No longer able to sustain the dirty talk, he’s breathing heavily, letting out broken moans and sighs of her name. He’s moving rhythmically now, thrusts consistently faster.  “Oh, fuck, Piper,” he groans, “Gonna cum.” One of his hands finds her clit and he rubs careful circles over her, bringing her to her peak along with him, no more teasing.  When she comes, it’s with a loud moan into the studio mic, and that seems to be what tips Namjoon over the edge, too. His hips stutter into hers as he comes, her cunt clenching around him for what feels like forever.

You deserve an award, you think. An Oscar. You didn’t even groan when you had to read the word “cunt,” and that’s a feat in and of itself.

“Is it over?” Namjoon asks, words muffled by the hands covering his face.

“Not quite,” you answer. “There’s some aftercare, and at the end you ask if I’ll piss on you.”

Namjoon gags. “I asked you what—”

“Today’s episode has been brought to you by Stamps-dot-com—”

HOLY SHIT THE NEW PATREON EPISODE???????? Posted by u/pod-shipper 4 minutes ago NO WAY. NOOOOOOO FUCKING WAY DUDE THERE’S NO FUCKING WAY THEY DID THIS AS AN ACTUAL EPISODE WHAT THE FUCK WHAT HTE FUCK WHAT EHTU FKF DFGLKDG;L (+705) I wasn’t sure if they were messing around before, and I was quite critical of the “shippers,” but now I’m pretty convinced. (+423) ↳ we’ve been telling y’all for YEARS 😤 (+197) ↳ Glad you’ve seen the light, u/RandomAcorn2058! (+5) ↳ ugh. they weren’t messing around before and they aren’t messing around now. do you guys not listen to what they say? namjoon’s been dating, and piper got out of a six-year relationship just over a year ago. if they’ve had something going on for “years” that means they’re both cheaters, and that’s a really shitty thing to assume about them. not to mention it makes the entire point of the podcast moot. (-63) Why do you guys think Jungkook “wasn’t allowed” to be there? (+314) ↳ So they could fuck lmao it’s so obvious (+329) ↳ because it’s awkward af? would you wanna read porn about yourself w all your coworkers in the room? (+2) ↳ the “it’s awkward” excuse is sooooo lame he’s the one who found it and is the one who edited the episode, he’s gonna see it regardless. (+15) ↳ Tbh I’m more curious about how he even found it to begin with? Do they have a throuple thing going on? Like, why was he looking for smut fic about his bosses? (+38)

You do not get through recording unscathed.

You are very scathed. Perhaps the most scathed a person has ever been.

Jungkook texts the group chat sporadically throughout the week, cracking jokes and making memes at your and Namjoon’s expense which is par for the course and shouldn’t have you off-kilter, but something inside you feels deeply wrong. Feels like someone’s given you devastating news; feels like it used to back in uni when you knew you’d failed an exam and were just waiting to see how badly.

It both helps and doesn’t that the internet is so invested. All the clips Jungkook keeps posting have re-doubled your Patreon numbers, and jumping up a tax bracket never hurt anyone, you included. But all of those jokes and memes largely went unanswered by both you and Namjoon, still too close to the incident to find the humor in it from the other side.

The two of you had sex.

Not literally, of course, but you figure you might as well have with the way you’re feeling. The way you’re avoiding one another. Someone wrote a story about the two of you having sex and you both read it and something about that, days later, feels really fucking unsettling.

In a bad way? You aren’t sure. It’s not like you’re mad or upset or any other synonym. You just feel… off. Itchy from the inside out, and that’s far from the norm in your and Namjoon’s friendship. In all the years you’ve known one another, you’ve never once avoided each other, including the time you’d set him up with a close friend and he showed up 45 minutes late to their date and ghosted after.

(Unsurprisingly, that friendship had not lasted.)

Maybe it’s because Yoongi had always been there as a buffer. You aren’t of the belief that men and women cannot be platonic friends, but being in a years-long committed relationship nixed a lot of awkward interactions and assumptions off the bat. Even Namjoon had known Yoongi first. Had introduced himself to you in your shared 100-level psych course with a, “Hey, you’re Min Yoongi’s girlfriend, right?” because they ran in the same underground circles and Namjoon had idolized him from afar for years.

Pretty fucked up, then, that Yoongi’s off in Los Angeles with his hot new boyfriend and you’re on your couch, Holly at your feet, pointedly ignoring your texts.

“I’m gonna get a cat,” you say to the dog, trying to redirect his attention when he starts chewing on your sock again. Holly doesn’t offer any input, of course, and he’s a lot like his father in that way. “I can’t believe you have a stepfather. You’re a proper child of divorce now, Min Holly.”

There are a pile of unread texts you continue to ignore in lieu of showing Holly pictures of adoptable cats. A few more memes from Jungkook, one from Namjoon’s new phone asking to move the recording date a few days because “something came up at work,” one from the food delivery service you admittedly use too much offering 10% off your next order, and two from Yoongi. This reminded me of you, the first one says beneath a picture of an ice cream cone on the ground, and another one of him holding a water gun that says send me a picture of my son or else.

You eventually reply back with a picture of your middle finger, Holly nothing but a blurred brown blob in the corner of the frame.

That’s how it goes for the better part of a week. Namjoon’s work issue lasts four days. He doesn’t offer an explanation and you don’t ask for one, you just wait for the all-clear text and try to quiet the nerves once you get it.

You’ve never been nervous to see Namjoon before.

The more popular the podcast became, the more money rolled in. The more money that rolled in, the more you could afford nicer things. That meant going from recording in Namjoon’s living room to a bona fide office space. Third floor, an expanse of windows and natural light, thirty-five minute commute by train.

Today, it feels more like thirty-five seconds.

You can hear Jungkook’s witch cackle from the stairwell, and your mind fills in the blanks of Namjoon’s exasperated sigh. It helps, your brain reminding you that you know these people. You know this is Jungkook’s late gym day, so he’ll be in a pair of sweats and a hoodie that drowns his frame. You know that when Namjoon has work issues and feels like an inconvenience, he always shows up with two boxes of baked goods from the bakery near his place, and you know both of them will save the best donut for you.

So you walk in and Jungkook’s in a hoodie and sweats just like you expect him to be, and there are two boxes of baked goods next to the coffee machine. Both of them say hello and wave and, for all intents and purposes, everything is normal.

Except it isn’t.

Because Namjoon looks… different.

Not in a bad way. Not in a bad way. He almost always dresses nicely, always looks polished and put-together, usually because he’s either going to or coming from campus—fitted shirts, either of the tee or dress variety, and earth-toned cardigans; tailored trousers that are sometimes corduroy; polished loafers. Sometimes, if he’s feeling extra casual, a stark white pair of tennis shoes.

Today, he wears none of those things.

No, today torture comes in the form of form-fitting jeans and a t-shirt a little oversized so he can roll the sleeves. His hair is brushed back off his face instead of parted down the middle. He’s wearing gold jewelry that glints in the sun. A pair of off-white Converse high-tops. And, much to your horror, he’s also wearing his glasses.

According to the internet, Kim Namjoon is peak husband material, which you can usually ignore, but not when he’s wearing glasses.

You avert your gaze, convinced you’ll burst into flames if you stare too long, not to mention Jungkook will notice and that’s a ribbing you’d rather die than take. So you avert your gaze and pointedly ignore Namjoon, who’s talking about his work crisis to no one in particular. Something about a co-worker going on an unexpectedly early paternity leave, and Namjoon being asked to cover some of his courses until they could find a more permanent fix.

Jungkook asks a question you don’t catch. Because paternity leave means his co-worker and his partner had a baby, presumably via old-fashioned methods, and it’s not a direct mention of sex but it’s close enough to send you into a coughing fit you have to blame on your donut. Neither of them buy it, but Namjoon is a good enough person to look genuinely concerned. Reaches out, probably to slap your back, but the thought of him touching you is just… too much.

So he barely gets out an, “Are you o—” before you choke down whatever’s left in your mouth and cut him off with a, “Yep, all good!” before you’re scurrying off to the opposite side of the room like a little rat.

It doesn’t get any better.

Both of you are so stilted and awkward during recording that Jungkook has to be the voice of reason and call it, suggest trying again tomorrow. Luckily he has enough b-side stuff he can release if need be, Namjoon’s work emergency providing a decent cover, and he sends the two of you home for the afternoon with all the exasperation and incredulity of a disappointed parent.

Thirty-five minutes back home.

Thirty-five minutes to sit in the embarrassment of not being able to do your job. Thirty-five minutes to catastrophize and wonder what you’re going to do if you can’t get it together. Namjoon will keep the podcast, of course; you’ll be replaced with someone else. Maybe someone less cynical, maybe someone more, but undoubtedly a man. After this mess, you can’t imagine Namjoon would want another female co-host.

But as embarrassed as you are, your traitorous brain keeps thinking about Namjoon.

Thirty-five minutes to think about his glasses and his rolled-up sleeves and the way the denim of his jeans contoured perfectly to his thighs. Thirty-five minutes to think about, “Please let me fuck you,” he begs. Thirty-five minutes to squeeze your thighs together and overanalyze the way he stumbled over his words today; how he could barely make eye contact. Thirty-five minutes to draft a dozen resignation texts and delete them all.

You groan, head thunking against the train window. You’ll take a cold shower as soon as you get home.

That’ll cure you.

You get home and walk Holly so long he gives up halfway through and you have to carry him back to your apartment. You take a cold shower and actually find it pleasant once the initial shock wears off, so it doesn’t work to keep all your rogue Namjoon thoughts at bay. You make a simple dinner and don’t think about Namjoon sitting you on the counter and having his way with you. You tuck yourself into bed far too early and consider going back to therapy, because clearly something very, very bad has happened to your psyche.

Needless to say, nothing cures you.

But it’s a new day, and you’re determined to get your shit together. Yesterday was a fluke, because you’re so normal and so capable of being in the same room as Kim Namjoon.

Except—you’re not.

Jungkook’s there when you arrive, mindlessly scrolling through his phone. Barely looks up at you to say hello, and barely returns it when you do. You double-check the time, because you can count on two fingers the amount of times you’ve shown up and Namjoon wasn’t already there, jotting down extensively-detailed notes, circling and highlighting and chasing down Jungkook to ask questions.

“Where’s Namjoon?”

Jungkook shrugs. “Dunno. Not here.”

You roll your eyes. “Super helpful, thanks.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes right back. “You don’t pay me enough to also be his handler.”

You bite your tongue. Arguing with Jungkook means you’ve already lost the war. Not worth it. But it still eases your worries a bit that he doesn’t know any more than you do. That Namjoon hadn’t only texted him to say why he was running late because he didn’t want to—or couldn’t—talk to you.

So you wait. And you wait and you wait and you wait. Jungkook lets you talk to people on his dating apps and tells you about his new gym routine until your eyes are glazing over. Orders food delivery for the two of you because he gets hungry after an hour and had already eaten what was left of the snacks before you arrived. Cracks a joke that isn’t really a joke about calling the police, because Namjoon still hasn’t shown up and he hasn’t said anything and none of your texts are showing as delivered.

You’re halfway to hour two when the office door bursts open and Namjoon stumbles through, soaked with sweat and stammering over apologies.

“I am so sor—I broke my phone again so my alarm never went off and then I missed my bus? And apparently they’re not running the regular bus schedule today so the next one was a half-hour wait, but then I…”

You don’t catch the rest, because Namjoon is covered in sweat and breathing heavily and a week ago you could’ve survived this. A week ago you would’ve cracked a joke and handed him a towel and told him to get to work. A week ago you would not have been paralyzed in your seat, transfixed on the sweat rolling down the side of his neck.

You are fucked beyond belief.

Jungkook elbows you in the ribs, bringing you back to reality. “...even paying attention?” You startle, face warming in embarrassment. Namjoon still isn’t looking at you. “This is so sad to watch,” Jungkook mumbles, and thankfully it’s only loud enough for you to hear. “Like some stupid shit you only see in nature documentaries.”

Well, you can’t really argue with that, now can you?

But you’re a professional above all, so you hum an acknowledgment and take your regular seat. Pointedly ignore Jungkook. Wait for Namjoon to assume his position as well, and you’re surprised to see the space in front of him empty. No notes. No script. There’s just… nothing.

“Are you okay?” you ask, gesturing to the space in front of him when he seems confused. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without a stack of notes in front of you.”

“I forgot them.”

“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you do that, either.”

Your tone is light and airy, not at all accusing or confrontational, but Namjoon’s jaw clenches nonetheless. He scoffs, fires a shitty little, “Were you not paying attention when I was talking about what a horrible fucking morning I’ve had?” at you that makes even Jungkook flinch. A few moments of stunned silence, and then, “Oh fuck, I’m so sorry, that was rude—”

“Yeah, it was,” you agree, and all of a sudden you feel too big for your body. Feel like there are ants beneath your skin, feel like everything is wrong, and you don’t want to be here anymore. “It’s fine. Let’s just—”

Namjoon looks like he wants to argue, but he just sighs and says, “I—yeah, okay.”

This is where Namjoon would usually launch into the intro, a dimpled smile already plastered on his face that’d drop as he discussed another failed first date with that brand of self-deprecation that makes him so endearing. This is where he’d say what have you been up to, Pipe, and you’d try not to groan because how hard could it possibly be to add one more letter, another syllable, but Namjoon seems incapable of it. This is the part that, for three years, has been seamless and easy and instinctual, just two friends having a conversation.

There’s a red light on your microphones that indicates you’re recording. It’s on and it mocks you, because Namjoon is not doing the intro or telling you about a failed date. He doesn’t use that cringey nickname. He doesn’t say anything at all. His mouth opens and shuts and no words come out. What’s worse is that you know exactly why he can’t speak, because you’re thinking about it, too.

“So, uh,” you begin, and Jungkook makes a gagging sound from behind you. “Come here often?”

Namjoon ignores you. “Right, right, the intro…” He sucks in a breath. “Welcome back to another episode of Put Him in the Trash, I’m—”

“Joon—”

“Namjoon, and my co-host here is—”

“Joon, that’s not—”

“Piper. Wait, why are you looking at me like that?”

“That’s not the name of our podcast.”

“Huh?”

“You said Put Him in the Trash.” Namjoon just blinks. “It’s Place Him Gently in the Garbage.”

“Is it? Since when?”

“Since forever?”

He looks at Jungkook, who is hiding behind his hands. “Is she right?”

A beat of silence. “I can’t do this,” he half-shouts, half-whines. “Are you two going to be like this forever? Because if you are, I’m quitting. I’m so serious. I’m gonna quit. I can’t take it anymore. The two of you are insufferable.” Another beat of silence, before Jungkook stands at full height and lords over you and Namjoon. “Forget today. Just go home and try again on Monday. This is so—I’m seriously gonna quit.”

Yoongi comes on Saturday afternoon to pick up Holly.

Yijeong isn’t with him, which is almost disappointing. Now that he’s dating again, you were looking forward to seeing just how awkward it could get with the three of you in the same room, but he looks good. Refreshed. The trip clearly did a world of good for him, and you can’t even bring yourself to crack a joke at his expense.

He, however, has no such hang-ups. “You look like shit.”

“Weird way to say thank you.” You click your tongue and look down at Holly. “Do you see how your father treats me? You should bite him.”

“My son would never. But also, thank you.” He flops onto the sofa. “You do look like shit, though. You wanna talk about it?”

“Not with you, preferably.”

“Oh, gross, is it a dating thing, then?”

“I—no.” You pause. It’s not a dating thing, but you still feel like you’ve got motion sickness whenever you think about it. How would you even begin to explain this to Yoongi, anyway? Someone wrote a porn fic about me and Namjoon. You remember Namjoon, right? Namjoon, that I’ve known and have been friends with since college. Yeah, that Namjoon. Anyway, someone wrote fanfiction about us having sex, and it fucked me up so bad I can no longer be in the same room as him.

No fucking way.

“You look like you’re holding in a fart.”

“You know, I’m getting really sick of you. Did you just come here to insult me?”

He snorts, but his smirk dissipates a few seconds later, a familiar seriousness filling the void. “We’re okay, right? Was the Yijeong thing too soon?”

“No,” you answer immediately, leaning over to flick him on the forehead. “We’re fine, and if you’re happy, then I’m happy for you.” He still looks doubtful. “You want me to start singing ‘I Will Always Love You’ or something? It’s just… weird work stuff.”

“Depends. Are you singing the Dolly Parton or Whitney version? And real work or podcast work?”

“Podcast work, and obviously the Whitney version.”

Yoongi seems surprised by this, eyebrows disappearing beneath his fringe. “Like, the podcast with Namjoon?” He presses his tongue into the fat of his cheek when you nod your head. “Not gonna lie, I didn’t think that was possible.”

“Like I said, it’s weird. It wasn’t, like, an argument or anything.”

“How weird?”

“You’re so fake, Min Yoongi. You act like you’re so distinguished and above drama, but really you’re just as hungry for gossip as the rest of us.”

He shrugs. “I’m not denying it.”

God help you, you’re going to rip off the band-aid. “Someone… Jesus, this is so embarrassing. Someone… wrote? Fanfiction? About us.”

“About you and Namjoon?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god—”

“About us… uh. Having sex? Specifically.”

“Oh my god—”

“Jungkook found it and thought it’d be funny if we read it for an episode.”

“Oh my god?”

“So we did? And it was really weird, which I expected, because I’ve known Namjoon for a long time, and I never, ever thought about having sex with him because we were together and me and Namjoon are friends, so yeah, it was fucking weird. But now… I don’t know. I can’t stop thinking about it? And now we can’t even be in the same room as one another.” Yoongi is a concerning shade of red. “So our show is gonna get canceled, because we can only release b-side stuff for so long until people realize something’s up, and it was Namjoon’s podcast to begin with so obviously I’ll get fired—”

“Oh my god, you want to fuck Namjoon.”

Yoongi sounds like a strangled cat when he says this, which does not help the way you feel like you’ve been hit square in the face with a frying pan. “No,” you argue, though it sounds more like a question. You do not want to fuck Namjoon. “No, no. No. It’s just because it was weird.”

“Did you forget I dated you for six years? I know what you look like when you want to fuck someone.”

“You’re telling me you wouldn’t be weird if someone wrote fanfiction about you fucking your friend?”

“Not if I didn’t actually want to fuck them, no.”

“You’re a liar. Get your dog and get out of my apartment.”

Yoongi laughs as he stands. Pats you on the back in the most condescending way you’ve ever had someone pat you on the back. “Let me know how it goes. No need to give me credit for your moment of horny clarity.”

Min Yoongi is a bastard.

Unfortunately, as you come to find out, he’s also a correct bastard.

You want to fuck Namjoon.

Which is… not great, you have to admit, considering he can barely stand to be around you, so you take another cold shower and decide you’re going to take this to your grave. You’re going to spend the rest of the weekend getting your shit together, and you’re going to show up on Monday and be a consummate professional. You’re going to look at Namjoon and say, ha ha, isn’t it so funny someone thought we would have sex? I don’t think about it at all because I am so cool and normal about it.

You’ve got it all planned out. You’re going to show up fifteen minutes early with your own box of pastries. You’re going to look nice, if not a little pretentious—maybe a nice sweater. You’re going to be prepared with notes of your own. You might even be nice to the villain of the week so Namjoon doesn’t have to pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh at you.

And then someone knocks on your door.

You find Namjoon on the other side, and all your plans immediately go to shit.

Has he always been this tall? You can’t remember. You can’t remember a lot of things, including how to speak, because Yoongi had launched you into a crisis of epic proportions and now here’s the source of it, standing right in front of you. With all of his… height. And thighs. And that heady, musky cologne he always wears, that you can still smell now even though there’s an unfortunate amount of distance between you.

“Uh, hi.”

You blink. “Hi,” you parrot, and it’s a little insulting how one single word seems to have sucked up all of your brainpower. “Namjoon,” you tack on, not awkward at all.

“Sorry to just show up,” he says, scratching at the back of his neck. Very bad idea; makes his biceps bulge. You barely swallow your whimper. “It’s just—my phone’s still broken, and it felt bad leaving things how we did? So I was hoping we could talk.”

Talk. Namjoon wants to talk to you. Normally: not a problem. Currently: big problem. You manage a nod, open the door wider to let him in, and you don’t think about how jarring it is to have Namjoon in your space. You don’t think about how your legs feel like jelly all of a sudden, or what it’d be like if Namjoon bent you over the couch, or the kitchen counter, or the—

You cough. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Oh, sure. Maybe just some water if you have it.”

If you have it. What kind of person doesn’t have water? But you tell him to make himself comfortable and get him some anyway, and you mull too long over the size of the glass. Ultimately decide on a smaller one, because if things get unbearably awkward you can excuse yourself to the kitchen to get more.

“I haven’t been here in a while,” Namjoon says from the living room, and when you look up he’s sorting through a stack of books near the window. Some he’d lent you months ago, notes jotted in the corners, sticky notes in the shape of sea animals on important pages. “You ever wind up reading this?”

The Idiot. Namjoon had raved about it when he was in the midst of his 19th century Russian phase, right after he’d read a bunch of Tolstoy and Pushkin. You shake your head—though, judging from the title, you wonder if someone hadn’t written your biography.

“It’s good. If you have the time, you should definitely give it a shot.”

“Yeah, of course,” you say, handing over his water. You take a seat in an armchair, pull your knees to your chest. Namjoon’s still looking through your books, isn’t looking at you, so it feels safe to say, “You wanted to talk?”

“Yeah.” He moves to sit on the floor, massive thighs spreading until he’s comfortable. Thank god he can’t see the look on your face. “I just wanted to make sure we’re alright. Things have felt pretty weird since we filmed the, uh.” He coughs. “Thing.”

“Right, yeah.” You realize he’s waiting for an answer, and you offer up a very rushed, “We’re fine, Joon.”

“Are you sure?”

Yeah, you’re sure: sure you absolutely cannot be having this conversation in the safety and sanctity of your own home. It’s tainted now, contaminated by all your uncontrolled horny thoughts about the man in front of you. You’ll have to fumigate. Might have to pick up and move, actually, or call an exorcist.

“I’m sure,” you assure him. “The… thing… was weird, but it’s fine. Temporary.”

“Do you think we shouldn’t have done it?”

That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? Because, in isolation, reading a porn fic about yourselves wasn’t a big deal. No one got hurt. Everyone who needed to be consulted was consulted. The episode made the two of you a lot of money, and Jungkook even promised to send some of it to the author, so your bases are beyond covered.

So, should you have done it? There wasn’t a good enough reason not to, because the story itself was never the problem.

The problem is staring you right in the face. It’s sitting on your floor, a book cracked in half at the spine and forgotten in his lap. The problem is looking at you like you hold all the answers to the universe’s secrets, and it’s no small thing to be looked at like that. The problem is that Namjoon is looking at you like that from across the room but you’re wondering what it’d look like from on top of you.

The problem is that you’ve co-hosted a podcast with Namjoon for three years, have known him even longer, and you’ve just realized today that you want to have sex with him.

And you can’t say that, can you, because Namjoon came here to fix things which really does not lend itself to a hookup. Namjoon cares about your friendship and your working relationship so much he came here to try and salvage it, so you’re going to keep your mouth shut. You’re going to say, “I think it’s okay that we did,” and leave it at that. Because it is okay.

Because you’re the problem.

It feels like a small victory when Namjoon sags in relief. When he exhales and says, “Okay, good, because I think so, too.”

“It made us a lot of money,” you tack on.

Namjoon’s eyes widen as he laughs. “Right? Like, that was almost too much money. Just to watch us read porn?”

“About ourselves. I think that was the selling point.”

He stands. You do, too. “Never thought I’d be doing that,” he says, returning the book to where it belongs. “Definitely the most embarrassing thing I’ve done for money.”

“Being a man with a podcast wasn’t embarrassing enough?”

He snorts. Gets closer to the door. “Hey now.” You’re going to survive this. “Thanks for entertaining me, by the way. For a second there I was really worried we’d fucked it all up.”

Just the ending. Just one more thing to say and you’ll be done with this, and then you can take your third cold shower in recent memory and triple text Yoongi with a full-fledged mental breakdown. Maybe he’ll bring Holly back and you can register him as your emotional support animal.

And Namjoon must sense the awkwardness that’s crept back in, because he tries to cover it with a joke. Says, “Haaa, like you’d actually piss on me, right?”

Except it sounds like he’s got a mouth full of marbles.

It’s no wonder you mishear him.

Because he says like you’d actually piss on me but you hear like you’d actually kiss me, and there isn’t a universe that exists in which the following makes sense: you, stunned into silence in the doorframe, Namjoon saying his goodbyes, you thinking fuck it, last chance and saying, “Yeah, I’d kiss you.”

Namjoon stops dead in his tracks. “What?”

Your entire body is on fire. “Is, uh. Is that not what you said?”

“I don’t think it matters anymore what I said.”

“I’d argue that it does, for the sake of my digni—”

“You’d kiss me?” Namjoon… doesn’t look put off of the idea, which is surely a point in your favor. Interesting to note that his diction is crystal clear, now. Bastard. “You’d kiss me right now?”

There’s also no explanation for the way you say: “It’s only been an option for ten seconds and you’re already begging for it?”

You’d say there’s no explanation for the way Namjoon’s jaw clenches, the way he repeats I don’t beg for anything, but maybe the simple fact is: the two of you want to fuck each other. And, judging from the way Namjoon crowds your space, keeps dropping his gaze to your mouth, it seems very likely to happen.

All that fixating you’d done on Namjoon’s thighs was wasted, you think, as you take in the shape of his mouth. His lips. The way his tongue darts out to run along the bottom at the last second before he reaches out, tilts your head up, and finally presses his mouth to yours.

And you’ve got to laugh, because no piece of written fiction could ever accurately portray what it feels like. How soft his lips are. The way he touches you—gentle, but still dominant enough to have you moving the way he wants, have you backing up into your apartment so he can smile against your mouth as he closes the door behind him.

No piece of fiction would get it right, the way you’re unsteady on your feet, breathless at the way Namjoon’s kissing you. How he only breaks apart long enough to ask where do you want me in that throaty, deep voice of his. How you’re so overwhelmed you can’t decide: unsure if you want to waste the time it’d take to get to your bedroom, but if it’s only going to happen once, wanting to make it count.

So you decide to risk it. Plant your hands in the middle of his exceptionally broad chest and push him in the direction of the hallway, and if the two of you can’t wait, can’t control yourselves, well.

But the story had gotten one thing right: Namjoon does kiss like a branding iron, hot and greedy. Namjoon kisses you like there’s nothing else he wants to do in this lifetime, and it makes you dizzy. Has you off-kilter, stumbling into the wall as you try to remember where the fuck your bedroom is and why it’s so far. Just like the fictional version of you, you also moan when he licks into your mouth.

“Should I do it the way we did in the fic?” Namjoon asks as the two of you cross the threshold into your bedroom, a cheeky grin on his face. “Do it like this?” he questions, pushing you gently until you’re on the back in the middle of your bed, chest heaving as you lift your head to look at him.

Namjoon is so, so big from where you lay, just hovering at the foot of your bed. Cheeks ruddy, bulge prominent. “What’d you say you wanted?”

Takes a second to remember how to breathe, let alone what you’d read. What do you want, Namjoon had asked, right before he’d sank to his knees in front of you. “Whatever you’re willing to give,” you answer.

Namjoon smiles. Puts one knee on the bed, and the way it dips beneath his weight is unsettling. Why does he have to be so fucking large. “That’s right, baby.” Christ, you think, because there’s another thing that fic had gotten right. No one on earth would be immune to Namjoon calling them baby in that tone of voice.

The riposte biting at the back of your teeth gets swallowed whole as Namjoon grabs your ankles and drags you to the edge of the bed. “May I?” he asks, hands poised above the waistline of your leggings. You nod, and Namjoon drags down your underwear with them. “Fuck, look at you,” he groans, awe creeping into the edge of his words.

“You want me to do it the same way? Hm? You’re being awfully quiet; thought you were giving me shit about being the one in charge,” he chides.

Because you’re short-circuiting. Namjoon’s on his knees, just like you’d envisioned, and his mouth is dangerously close to your cunt. How can you be expected to think and speak under these conditions? But if Namjoon can find the brainpower to be a bastard, so can you, because what you’d read and the way he’d reacted can both never be forgotten. So you thread your hands into his hair and pull. The resulting moan is enough to sustain you for years.

“Are you gonna keep running your mouth, or are you gonna make me come on it?”

He blinks. “Jesus Christ.”

There’s precedent. Fictional Namjoon ate you out like a man starved, like he couldn’t get enough. Had fictional you writhing and insatiable, so it’s a lot to live up to, but it doesn’t deter him in the slightest. He hesitates for only a second, giving you one last chance to back out before the two of you set every last boundary on fire, and then he’s settling between your thighs and making you see stars.

Now you know what it’s like. Now you don’t have to rely on fiction, and it doesn’t matter because it’d never compare to the way Namjoon feels as he works to bring you to your ruin. The way he flattens his tongue to lick long, thick stripes; the way his lips suction around your clit. The way it feels when he groans against your core. The way he says, “Fuck, you do taste good,” like that’s a completely normal thing to say. Like he doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing to you.

But you need more and Namjoon knows it. His mouth doesn’t leave your cunt for a second, but his fingers find your mouth, so you put on a show. Wrap your lips around them, suck on them the way he’s doing to you, make sure they’re slick. Namjoon groans again, doubles his efforts. Slides one thick finger inside of you and barely lets you adjust before he’s adding a second.

In an embarrassingly short amount of time, Namjoon has you unraveling. Presses incessantly on a spot that has your vision whiting out. Has you trembling, a little panicked as you say, “Joon, fuck—Namjoon, wait—” as it builds and builds and builds.

You might black out for a second, because you come to and Namjoon looks… stunned. He looks like he can’t believe any of what just happened, and you blink a few times, try to come back into your body, and when you regain enough consciousness, you’re extremely aware of the large wet patch beneath you.

“Um—”

“Holy shit.”

“Namjoon, that’s not—that’s embarrassing—can you grab a—”

He shuts you up with a kiss. Presses the taste of you into your skin, and all those silly protests die in your throat, because if Namjoon was needy before, he’s desperate now. Covers your body with his own, hips dipping down low enough to press his erection into the juncture of your thigh, and the weight of him is delicious. Has you fisting the fabric of his t-shirt to pull him closer, has you pulling it over his head, his pants following. Has your hands skimming down every thick part of his body until you reach his cock, hard and aching and slick with pre-cum.

“I need to suck you off later,” you say, done with overthinking. Time to just be honest, and Kim Namjoon has a dick you need to feel down your throat. “Remind me.”

He whines, thrusts into your hand a little harder. “How could I forget that?”

“Don’t know. Didn’t know if this would be the only time,” you answer. “Did you bring a condom?” Namjoon nods, fetches one from his wallet and rolls it on.

He hovers above you again. Looks nervous, all of a sudden, like he can’t tell his lefts from his rights. All out of sorts. You’re about to tell him it’s fine, you don’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to, don’t have to do anything at all, when he says, “It doesn’t have to be.” You just stare. “The only time.”

There’s a conversation to be had. You know that. Both of you clearly have feelings you need to talk about and sort out, but you reckon they can wait. They’ll still be there in the afterglow, in the morning. So you nod, say okay, Joon, and kiss away the insecurities that still linger.

You think about the fic. Think maybe Namjoon would appreciate it if you cracked a stupid joke, just like he’d tried to do earlier. “Has anyone ever called your cock stupid?”

He laughs, breath fanning against your skin. “No. Wanna try it and see what happens?”

Might as well. You try to remember the exaggerated tone of voice you’d used. Repeat the line—“Do you even know what to do with that big, stupid cock?”—and wait.

There’s a beat of silence, and then—

Namjoon swallows thickly. “I, um. Unfortunately, I think that really works for me.” You laugh. Pull him closer. Wrap your legs around his waist as he starts to move against you. Has jokes of his own. “Please. Please let me fuck you.”

You roll your eyes, laugh tapering into a giggle. “Do you know how?” Namjoon nods, looking all too much like a puppy eager to please its owner. “Do you promise?” He nods again. “Okay. Okay, come here.”

You expect him to move fast; expect the first time to be frenzied and a little awkward. It isn’t. Namjoon lines himself up and pushes the smallest bit inside, and then he’s leaning down to kiss you. Threads your fingers together, squeezes your hand. Pushes further inside and mumbles praise just beneath your ear.

It’s dizzying, the amount of care Namjoon handles you with. How soft he is. Does nothing to ease the discomfort of the stretch, the overwhelming fullness, but he talks you through it. Tells you how good you feel, how beautiful you look. Spills a lot of words you’d probably be embarrassed to hear and he’d be embarrassed to say if this was any other time, but in the heat of the moment it all just works to unravel you faster.

He bottoms out. “Okay?” he asks, and you’re rewarded with a dimpled smile when you say you are. Namjoon is a devastating kind of beautiful.

But, as he gives you time to adjust and you give him the all-clear, he also fucks like a demon. What once was hand-holding is now your wrists pinned to the bed, your body caged beneath him as he rolls his hips at a pace that has your eyes rolling back into your head. You’ve been deceived. Lured into a false sense of security.

It’s almost a shame this isn’t being recorded, because you want to memorize all the sounds Namjoon’s making. Want to hear them for the rest of your life. Don’t want anyone else to be the reason he sounds like this, and as he ups his pace and presses his lips to your neck, you don’t want to sound like this because of anyone else, either.

Maybe one of those times in the future, you can talk him into it.

Namjoon reaches down, rubs circles into your clit. Every time you think you might be close, he pulls his hand away, smiles like the devil. You let him have his fun for a while, let him think you’re keen to lie back and take it, and then you tighten your legs around his waist and flip him onto his back.

He doesn’t think it’s very funny. Looks up at you all bewildered. “What’re you—”

“You were taking too long,” you snark. “Figured I’d take matters into my own hands.”

“Yeah? Shit,” he says as you begin to move. “Fuck, baby, like that. Ride me just like that.”

You do. Don’t change a thing, because Namjoon’s cock is long and thick enough to hit exactly where you need it to. You can feel yourself clenching, feel yourself getting wetter, and the sight of Namjoon beneath you does nothing to stave off the inevitable. He looks even better than you’d imagined: skin flushed, eyes squeezed shut, head thrown back, sweat-slick. You want to make him cry. Want to give him the entire world. You will.

Namjoon thrusts at the same time you roll your hips, and that’s what does it. Has you crying out, has stars flashing behind your eyelids. Has you saying fuck, fuck, fuck as he drives you over the edge for the second time. Has you on the brink of oversensitive as he thrusts a few more times to chase his own end, almost delirious at the way Namjoon moans as he spills into the condom.

Has you swooning, just a bit, at the dopey way Namjoon smiles at you, eyes half-lidded and crinkled at the corners.

“Was that okay?”

You snort. “Yeah, I’d say it was decent.”

“Maybe next time you could pee on me,” he jokes.

You whack him on the chest. “Sure. Or we could record it.”

Has you a little shocked at the way his cock twitches inside of you at the mention of it.

On Monday, you don’t wear a pretentious sweater.

When you stroll in, Jungkook’s already got the best donut shoved halfway into his mouth because he’s a shithead. He eyes you warily, probably hoping with all his hope that you spent the weekend finding God and getting your shit together.

And then he realizes you’ve got on Namjoon’s hoodie and he nearly chokes to death.

“What the fuck are you wearing—”

Namjoon appears at that very moment, and it’s so hard not to take credit for the way he’s glowing, the dazed smile on his face. But Jungkook notices, because Jungkook notices everything, and his gaze darts between the two of you: your hoodie, Namjoon’s face, your face. He opens his mouth, something inappropriate bound to spill out, but Namjoon beats him to the punch. “Ready?” he asks you, and you nod.

It’s seamless.

No hiccups, no awkward stuttering. Namjoon gets through the intro without a hitch, and it feels exactly like it used to. Just two friends having a conversation. It’s obvious Jungkook still wants to say something, but after suffering through last week, he stays quiet lest he makes it worse and sends the two of you back to the bad place.

“How was your weekend, Pipe? Do anything fun?” Namjoon rolls his lips, tries not to laugh.

So you play along. “No, not really, just some dog sitting. How about you?”

“Oh, you know me. Had another first date on Saturday.”

“Did you? How’d it go?”

“Perfect.”

It’s a blessing Jungkook isn’t filming this, because your eyebrows raise so far they nearly disappear from your face altogether. There isn’t even a hint of hesitation in Namjoon’s voice, and although you would’ve described it the same way, hearing him say it with such conviction has you a little stunned. “Wow. You gonna see her again?”

“Yeah,” Namjoon says, sharing a private smile with you. “I think I am.”

who the FUCK is namjoon dating Posted by u/pod-shipper 7 minutes ago This has honestly ruined my entire day. I thought all the stories he told about dating were a bit… Like, what kind of guy has a podcast about relationships but can’t seem to be in one? But you could just HEAR it in his voice how much he likes this woman he went on a date with over the weekend and I’m sick to my stomach. (+2195) ↳ bro you and me both 😭 i genuinely thought him and piper had something going on fr (+1302) ↳ Seriously might stop listening because of this! Any woman with self-respect would never let their partner host a podcast with someone they’re obviously in love with. If he gets serious with this woman, Piper will be gone within 6 months, mark my words. (+927) ↳ I wouldn’t worry about it too much! My cousin works at a really nice restaurant in the same city Namjoon lives in, and she said she saw this “date” on Saturday and that it wasn’t anything serious. (+788) ↳ Piper got a cat and Namjoon finally got a second date. Face it, it’s over. (+325) ↳ cannot believe him and piper aren’t dating.. do you think i should delete all my tiktok edits? (+4) ↳ this is unhinged lmfao i thought y’all hated piper? you’re in here bitching abt her being a “misandrist” every week and now ur gonna stop listening bc namjoon isn’t dating her? pick a lane and stay in it (-64)

Thank you so much for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts, and reblogs/shares are always welcome! I appreciate you very much~ ♡

[raining-dreams]

Best Underrated Shows

Saving Me 

Saving Me is about a lonely old guy who invents a time machine so he can go back to his child self and fix all his past mistakes. I learned about this show from this video titled Watch THIS instead of Hailey's On It by M!n!mal M!ss Art. Despite this video, I was still very excited to watch Hailey's On It. It seemed like a story with a cool premise and cute art style (and ultimately I do really like the show) But Hailey's On It wasn't gonna be out for weeks when I came across this video and this video really sold me on giving Saving Me a try. I never would have even heard of this show without that youtube video which would have been a real shame because Saving Me is fantastic! I hope this show reaches more people and I'm dying for a season 3!!!!!

House of Anubis

Mystery is my favorite genre and House of Anubis is chuck full of it. I used to be obsessed with this show back in high school. I had so much fun coming up with theories and live-blogging my thoughts and opinions about each new episode. Some of the acting & dialogue could be a little cringe sometimes but the story is just so good that it doesn't matter. I've heard that Het Huis Anubis (the Dutch version of the show that House of Anubis is based on) is even better, though I haven't gotten around to watching it yet.

Over the Garden Wall

Those of us who have seen Over the Garden Wall seem to agree that this show is amazing! Which makes it feel a little weird to call it underrated. But it seems like so few people have actually seen it. Maybe because it was a mini series, it couldn't reach the same level of popularity as other shows of similar quality. If you like Gravity Falls, you'll likely enjoy Over the Garden Wall as well. (Wirt is even voiced by the same guy who voiced Dipper!) I would highly recommend anyone that hasn't seen it already.

Dead End: Paranormal Park

I feel like it's pretty rare for animated series to exist in the horror genre for some reason. It truly is an untapped market. But if you love horror and animation, Dead End is the show for you! (Of course it's kid friendly horror since the target audience is children) The two main characters, Barney and Norma get jobs at a haunted park and work together to fight ghosts and demons. Dead End has a super cute animation style, in my opinion, and a very diverse set of characters. I encourage everyone to watch it!

Just Add Magic

Just Add Magic is based on a children's book by the same name. It's a show about three girls who love to cook and basically discover that they can use cooking to do magic. It's a pretty interesting take on how magic works in their universe. It's very fun to watch. All of the actors are also so talented! And one of those actors is Zach Callison (the voice of Steven Universe)!

The friendship between the trio is awe-inspiring! They have so much chemistry. It's a pretty fun watch.

The Last Kids On Earth

Based on a comic of the same name, this show is about a group of kids who have to survive on their own when a zombie apocalypse breaks out. And other various creatures start to threaten them (or even become their allies) It's basically a cute found family story. The premise is pretty simplistic but that's what I love about it. The animation style of The Last Kids On Earth is so beautiful as well!

I'm still waiting for a season 3!!!!!

Code Lyoko

I remember as a kid being aware of this show and thinking it looked kind of interesting (and I always loved the theme song!!) but I never ended up watching it back then because I let peer pressure get the better of me. I remember I met someone who brought up how much they loved the show. When I heard them express that interest, I was at first excited to ask them more but before I had the chance, everyone else started making fun of him for liking Code Lyoko.

I guess it was like the nerd show or something? I don't really know why it was considered cringe to like Code Lyoko but upon seeing my peers act this way, I decided I can't like Code Lyoko if I want to fit in. So, I avoided watching it. But earlier this year, when I was flipping through channels, they were showing old episodes of Code Lyoko! I was intrigued since I remembered it from childhood and thought I'd actually give it a chance this time. And it's actually a pretty good show! It can be slow at times but overall I enjoy it.

If you're like me and avoided watching this back then due to peer pressure, I highly recommend leaving that in the past and just letting yourself enjoy this show!!

Slugterra

Slugterra is honestly pretty similar to Pokemon, except it's slugs! And the entire series takes place underground. Basically, there's a whole underground world called Slugterra, home to slugs, trolls, moles, etc. And all the slugs have cool powers so the people collect & befriend slugs so they can use them as weapons ("slugslinging"). If you like Pokemon, you're sure to like Slugterra!

Detentionaire

I discovered Detentionaire randomly while I was searching through Amazon's library of cartoons. I was looking for a new show to watch and just stumbled upon this one. It looked pretty interesting and I was surprised to see it was a show from 2011. I don't know how I missed this show back then. Idk if maybe it only aired in Canada or something? (cuz it's a Canadian show) But anyways, Detentionaire is such an intriguing show where the main character, Lee, discovers some grand conspiracy and has to try to expose it to prove his innocence so he can get out of detention. It's such an interesting concept. And, as I mentioned earlier, mystery is my favor genre, so I had a lot of fun with this one.

The only problem though is, of course, it ends on a cliffhanger. The show got canceled before they had the chance to conclude the story in a satisfying way (or any type of way) so watch at your own risk.

Catscratch

I honestly don't even remember what this show was about but I do remember enjoying this show and being excited when I saw a new episode was out. I remember thinking it was so funny. I just don't think enough people know about this show.

[weirdmarioenemies]

I am going to like totally finally finish ranking the Mario galaxies today. Stop Me.

Thank you for you're patience. We can talk about the top 5 galaxies now

I'm not gonna bother with any prelude, you've waited for this for like years now I know you want the Goods so here you go!

5. Blue Grass Galaxy

Tier: S+ Debut: Super Mario Galaxy 2

Blue Grass Galaxy is quite possibly the most elusive galaxy in the series. It was shown off briefly in the first ever Super Mario Galaxy 2 trailer, but when the game came out, it seemed like it was nowhere to be seen... Not even datamining could find it!

But as it turned out, we just weren't looking hard enough, because if you manage to grab every Green Star as Mario in a single sitting in under two hours without losing a single life, and then beat the Perfect Run, also without losing a single life, you unlock... A series of Red Stars for each Galaxy! And once you collect all of those in under an hour as Luigi without losing any lives, once again followed by another perfect Perfect Run, you unlock a bonus Hungry Luma on the World Map, who needs to be fed 9999 Star Bits on all three save files (so have fun speedrunning the green and red stars again!) before finally transforming into the Blue Grass Galaxy.

Of course, because the files for the Blue Grass Galaxy weren't included in the game, you'd need to download it by using a special, randomly-generated code on the Wii Shop Channel, but once you finally did, you could finally play the Blue Grass Galaxy to your heart's content. I know it might seem like quite the grind to get here, but man, every second you spend in the Blue Grass Galaxy is so immaculate, it makes the whole grind worth it. I almost don't have the words to describe how good it is, you'd really need to experience it for yourself! Sadly, you can't anymore, ever since the Wii Shop Channel shut down... Ah well. You really had to be there, I guess. I know some people were disappointed by it just reusing the Puzzle Plank Galaxy music, but I love that music so much that I don't mind.

My only gripe with the galaxy, and the main reason it only landed in the #5 spot, is because of the name. They called it the "Blue Grass" Galaxy, but that grass is very clearly green. This might seem like a pretty petty reason to put it so low, but when you get up that high, the small things can make a big difference, you know? If they called it the "Green Grass Galaxy" or the "Blue Sky Galaxy," I could easily imagine it getting the #1 spot, but respectable effort nonetheless, and a worthy reward for Super Players.

4. Wet-Dry World

Tier: SS Game: Super Mario 64

I know what you may be thinking. "What could Wet-Dry World be doing on a list of Super Mario Galaxies?" Well, it's a World in a 3D Mario platformer where you can collect Power Stars. Need I say more? And ever since Throwback Galaxy confirmed Whomp's Fortress is a Galaxy, it's easy to extend this logic to the rest of Super Mario 64. So Wet-Dry World gets to make the top 5 also.

I mean, how would it not? It's a galaxy with a cool and unique gimmick! The idea of the height you enter at deciding the water level when you enter in is super cool, and I love all the ways they tie this gimmick into the galaxy's different missions. And while this might seem like a small thing to a lot of people, as a mod of Weird Mario Enemies, I can't help myself: I will ALWAYS love a galaxy that includes such memorable enemies as Chuckya and Skeeter! So Cool!

Even in a time before Super Mario Galaxy, they managed to get the "otherworldly" feeling of this location down pat! I mean, there's the fact the skybox is distinctively underwater, even when you're on dry land, there's the fact the way you adjust the water level is via these abstract crystals, there's the whole abandoned underwater city, giving hints as to long-gone civilizations and possible Wet-Dry World Lore, this galaxy has it all! I know some people say it has a Negative Emotional Aura, but those people just don't know the meaning of good atmosphere.

3. SNES Mario Circuit 3

Tier: Good Debut: Super Mario Kart

For the #3 slot, it should only make sense that it's a place with "3" in the name. I know lots of you were probably expecting SNES Bowser Castle 3 to end up here, but it's just hard for me to ignore SNES Mario Circuit 3's legacy. I mean, it's been in five different games for crying out loud! It's hard for a course to show up in five games if it's not really good, right?

SNES Mario Circuit 3 may seem like a really basic course at a glance, what with it being completely flat and everything. Not a lot of bells and whistles in this one, that's for sure. But a better look at it reveals it to be a surprisingly technical track, with some tight turns that require good brake drifting to take optimally, and a bevy of off-road shortcuts that reward players for good item usage. While lots of courses get by thanks to their flashy gimmicks and setpieces, SNES Mario Circuit 3 cements itself as a fan-favorite as a pure test of players' skill. I mean, again, I have to assume it's a fan-favorite if it's in five games.

I also need to give a shoutout to SNES Mario Circuit 3's Atmosphere. The course has hardly changed at all since its original incarnation on the SNES, making it like, totally retro, and the staircases and flagpoles representing the original Super Mario Bros. only help to cement that identity. It also gives the course a very unique, almost liminal sort of feeling. The yellow sky is also an interesting touch. Is it merely set at sunset, or is it a biting commentary on how 30 years of go-karting have caused enough pollution to change the color of the sky? I'll let you be the judge.

Either way, it makes sense why this course has cemented itself as such a fan-favorite, and manages to always get picked in Mario Kart 8 Deluxe online lobbies. It's just that Good!

2. Milky Way Galaxy

Tier: X Game: Real

i live here hi!!!!!! :D

1. Sling Pod Galaxy

Tier: The "S" is for "Slingpodgalaxy" Game: Super Mario Galaxy

It's always the ones you least expect who win in the end... I may have ranked it dead last when I started this series, but by using the momentum of the Sling Pods, it managed to slingshot itself allllll the way to the top! Bet you didn't see this one coming! But really, it should be obvious. This galaxy is an incredible test of timing and precision, offering a good challenge for skilled players, and with an aesthetic reminiscent of the beautiful Space Junk Galaxy, it ends up winning me over in more ways than one!

There's no question that as soon as you have enough Star Bits saved up to reach Sling Pod Galaxy that you should make a mad dash to the Fountain and shove them all into that Hungry Luma's mouth, because the Sling Pod Galaxy is an experience you'll never forget! And since it's a great place to farm Star Bits too, it practically pays for itself! Bonus!

Wow! What a wild ride that was !!!! hopefully we all learned something at the end.

i'll post the real top 5 some other time i'm sorry

[sno-the-silly-guy]

ANALYZING Subspace's Character Through Dialogue To Come To The Closest Approximation We Can Of His Personality

ALT TITLE: I start losing it over snippets of dialogue from an evil scientist

I like Subspace. Funny guy. But recently, I had an identity crisis and I realised I have no idea what his personality is anymore, so today we'll be going through most of his dialogue to uncover the DARK SECRETS of what he's really like! (Spoilers: there isn't much)

DISCLAIMER: I am not the authority on Subspace. DO NOT use this to put other people down about their headcanons. All of this could be wildly inaccurate when the Phighting lore is released in 2030.

Very long essay under the cut! Also i'm not sure if this is like an actual analysis, it's more just,,, making conclusions from his dialogue

Backstory

The backstory of a character is vital to figuring out who they are. So, i'll go over what I know of Subspaces backstory. This part is gonna be a little iffy, as it is the most reliant on my memory of what the devs have said about him and not his actual dialogue. But enough preamble, lets do a quick summary!

The farthest back we know is that Subspace is working at Blackrock with Medkit. Subspace only dislikes Medkit a little at the moment.

One day, Medkit and Subspace presumably have a disagreement, which causes Subspace to lash out and rip out his eye. Medkit, in self-defense, gives Subspace a major injury, causing his right arm and the left side of his face to slowly rot away, all while spreading to the rest of him.

Sometime after this incident, Subspace hires Hyperlaser as a mercenary. And three years ago from the current day, he created the Biografts. Possibly, currently working on a new type of Biograft.

Character Motivation

Next, we figure out his character motivation in the context of Phighting. This is a step i've singled out from his personality, as I believe it is quite important. So, lets go over a couple theories!

1: Getting revenge on Medkit

This is likely, but there is one part that stands out to me, as Hyperlaser does not make any mention of trying to attack Medkit. Strange considering he works for Subspace. (the closest acknowledgement of this is HL: "Just for you, Subspace.")

The biografts do target Medkit (BG: "TARGET SPOTTED", "I HAVE COMPLETED THE ULTIMATE MISSION"). Subspace, when talking to Broker on the phone, also presumably asks him for Medkit's location. (Broker: "No, I don't know anybody by that name.") He's also shown to be vengeful, as one of his losing dialogues is (SS: "I will get my revenge!!")

It can be safe to assume that Subspace is looking for Medkit, but this progress is halted by the True Eye Church.

2: Power/Fame

Subspace is seen numerous times trying to gain power, being friendly to anyone who has a higher status than him, and seemingly burying himself in his work for Blackrock, which he believes gives him fame. The most prominent example of this is his dialogue with Banhammer, where he tries to be less weird. It is also referenced in a comic by Soda, where he tries to suck-up to Banhammer (though he fails miserably.)

I can't find it anywhere, but i'm also pretty sure that it's been explicitly stated that he does this.

Either option is pretty likely. He could also want both!

General Personality

This is based off of my own view of what he's like, but I will try to provide as much evidence for all of my claims as I can.

First of all, he's very showy. He wants people to think that he's cool and menacing. He gets offended when people have a different perception to how he views himself. (VS: "Oh! That outfit is cute! Where did you get it?" SS: "Cute!? I'll have you know that this outfit was custom tailored for Blackrock's finest!! Which, of course, is ME!!") (SCY: "Say... Do I know ya from somewhere?" SS: "Of course!! Who hasn't heard of me?? For I am the genius Subspace T. Mine!!")

He also has art depicting him showing off his scars to the viewer, which reinforces this point. He also lies to keep up his persona. (MK: "I'm surprised your body is still holding up." SS: "You didn't do that much to me!!") (BH: "Are all the experiments at Blackrock ethical?" SS: "Of course!!") Despite all this, he isn't good at convincing others of perceived excellence.

He isn't against doing whatever if he thinks it would help him gain more power. He doesn't care for most people. (the non-consensual experiments, the way he talks to Vine Staff etc etc). He is not above snitching. (SS: "I'll have the warden know about this!!")

He's passive-agressive when talking to Medkit, and he seems to get a kick out of calling him a nickname. He only does this to annoy Medkit, because when he is seemingly talking to himself, he addresses Medkit properly. (SS: "How nice it is to see my best friend Medkit once again!!" compared to "Hey Meddy!! How great it is that we get to see each other again?!")

As seen by drawings from Soda, Subspace enjoys it when people are willing to listen to him talking about what he's interested in, especially his scientific developments. He doesn't care about what others are interested in, or any of their worries. (BB: "Any type of music you like, Subspace?" SS: "The screams of the poisoned!!" BB: "Interesting...") (SS: "Another healer?! We could use someone like that back at the lab!!" VS: "...I think I'll pass.") (VS: Be careful not to consume your own poison." SS: "I don't need any advice!!)

He doesn't seem to be aware of how difficult he is to talk to. He doesn't understand sarcasm very well (literally every medkit conversation. SS: "How's that eye doing, Meddy??" MK: "It's doing great, I think i'll be able to see out of it again soon." SS: "Really?!" MK: "No.") (NOTE: I'm not sure how genuine Subspace is when talking to Medkit. Take this point with a grain of salt.)

He gets excited when he is right about something pertaining to science. (SS: "MY INVENTION!! IT WORKED!!") He's generally passionate about his field of study.

He's been described as loud and obnoxious numerous times. (HL: "Finally some peace and quiet." MK: "How long do you think you can keep that mouth shut, Subspace? [...]") His dialogue also implies this, as all of his sentences are ended with double exclamation marks (!!) or an interrobang. (?!)

He, without a doubt, enjoys seeing/hearing people in pain, and murder. He literally tortures people for fun. All of his kill dialogue is the main example for this.

TL:DR: Passionate about science. Wants to be perceived as cool so he takes the opportunity to show off, will lie in order to further this aim, but most demons aren't impressed. Doesn't care for most people, and will do whatever it takes to be powerful/famous. Gets on most peoples nerves, but will try to annoy people he doesn't like. Loves being listened to. Loud and obnoxious. His favourite hobby is torture!

Micellaneous information

Heres some tidbits I found hard to fit in the personality section, that are also important.

He has no sense of taste, due to his rot! He also has spiky teeth!

He's been described as well known but not famous. I suppose you would only know his name if you had an interest in his specialty, like if you needed to keep up with scientific developments.

He doesn't listen to music. Unless you count screaming, that is.

He's only stuttered once, when Scythe bullies him. (SCY: "Or what? Yer gonna run back to yer little robots and cry?" SS: "I-I refuse to answer such a stupid question!!") This implies that he's lying, and that he uses his robots as free therapy. He does not stutter when lying to Banhammer though, but it's still something to consider.

I believe it has been said that he's on painkillers constantly.

Author's Notes

Again, this is not the CANON LORE, this is just my interpretation of the character. I am equally likely to be completely wrong or right on the money. This is just for fun!! (and to prove i have done my research)

Also nobody is talking about Broker phone dialogue. Help me. Why does Broker give sass to Hyperlaser, but not Subspace. He has equal reasons to dislike both, unless he's somehow afraid of Subspace (unlikely since Scythe is fine bullying him) or he doesn't like Medkit (massive implications???). Whats up with that.

I'm still not over the fact that he only calls Medkit "Meddy" when he's talking to him. What a loser. /aff

Thank you Phighting wiki on miraheze for compiling all the dialogue. I wouldn't have been able to make this without it!

[gh0st-t0wn3]

Lmk ss edits + headcanons, Part 4 (Jin & Yin, Ao Lie, Tripitaka, Bai He)

- He/Him, He/They

- Pansexual, Bisexual

- They both have chronic separation anxiety, its why they're never apart; Yin tends to go non-verbal and more withdrawn without Jin, and Jin gets really agressive and paranoid without Yin. 

-  Yin can't sleep if he has nerves, Jin can do nothing BUT sleep if he has nerves

- Jin always forgets something at home, Yin reminded him a hundred times before they left

- Yin doodles on the corner of their blueprint papers whenever they're making something new, Jin cuts them out later and glues them into a sketchbook so they don't get lost

- Jin's hips are constantly covered in bruises because he's always bumping into shit (has NO spacial awareness whatsoever)

- Yin listens to rock music, Jin doesn't have a specific genre

- Somehow are simultaneously the most innocent and dirty minded people, you'll never know what you're gonna get at any given moment

- Yin always finds a way to drown in inch deep water (really bad at swimming)

- ^^^Jin laughs at him

- After they found out Mei and MK didn't like eachother as anything more than friends, they tried to trap him in the calabash again but used Redson to try and seduce him instead, MK immediately knew it was them

- Jin was talking really fast cause he was panicking once and called the Demon accountant "Semon accountant" and has still not recovered

- Yin laughed his ass off when it happened and constantly reminds him of it

- Jin likes his pillow warm (he's insane)

- They both occasionally become self aware and wind up having a weird crisis trying to figure out whether their horns are a part of their skull or something else

- Both are cat people, they're terrified of dogs, being trapped in a room with one is one of their worst nightmares

- Neither of them has clean hair, it is a fucking rock you will not be able to comb that shit out

- Jin rants about new ideas, Yin writes/draws them down

- Yin will bite you if you get near him while he's eating, bro's feral

- Jin stubs his toe atleast three times a day and screams in agony every. Single. Time. Eventually Yin just stopped running to check on him, it's happened so many times that he can distinguish what Jin's scream sounds like specifically when he stubs his toe

- Yin spent several months slowly moving everything in their house slightly to the right everyday, Jin cried cause he thought he was going insane

- Jin smells like cinnamon, Yin smells like caramel (I'm delusional, they both reek)

- Jin's love language is words of affirmation, Yin's love language is quality time

- Yin is terrified of cockroaches, Jin keeps some as pets

- Jin tried to dox Mei during one of her streams, Mei showed up at their house instead, it was terrifying

- The Demon accountant has to use a pressure hose to wash them

- They were banned from the arcade but they kept showing up begging to be unbanned, the staff eventually started feeling bad and let them back in

- Yin always throws out his drawings if they don't turn out how he wanted them to, Jin fishes them out of the trash when Yin isn't looking and keeps them in a sketchbook under his bed

- He/Him

- ??? Bisexual, probably

- Favourite animal is a leaf slug, it just feels right

- Mei's number one supporter

- Ate a strawberry once and found a worm inside, never ate strawberries again

- Constantly bothered Zhu Bajie during their Journey to the west, he thought it was funny seeing him get upset

- "I swear to buddha, if you ask me 'why' one more time" " Why?"

- Wukong pulled a bug out of his hair once and he freaked out and made Tripitaka go through his hair for him

- Heaviest sleeper of the group, when he falls asleep he is OUT,

- Has horrible bed head and his hair takes forever to comb out

- Really bad at math

- Wakes Tripitaka up in the middle of the night to ask the dumbest questions

- Refuses to wear shoes, he's in his horse form for most of their Journey anyway so he doesn't see the point in having any at all

- Would absolutely down a container of melatonin gummies if he had the opportunity

- Had to comfort Wukong while he puked after chugging a gallon of salt water once

- Mei gets her ':3' face from him

- Trips over his hair as much as his sleeves, no matter how much of his hair he ties up somehow it always ends up in his face or under his foot and he's down

- Follow up on the last headcanon, he's tried to cut his hair before to stop this from happening, it did not work, his hair grew back really fast

- He's like a cat, if you tell him not to push something over, he'll push it over

- Favourite colour is actually rose gold, but green is a very close second

- DBK let him hold Redson after the Samadhi removal ritual was over and Ao Lie immediately dropped him (DBK caught him before he hit the ground, but Ao Lie was banned from holding him again)

- Can eat an entire buffet and not gain a single pound

- Smells like Mint

- Love language is physical touch

- Chews on his sleeves when he's bored

- Gets along surprisingly well with Nezha despite Nezha's and Ao Bing's history

- Really good at singing

- Since he's a water Demon, he gets overheated really easily in the sun so whenever they come across any kind of water (river, pond, puddle, etc) he'll just flop sideways and lay there for like 20 minutes to cool down

- Actually thought Mei was his sister for a minute until he realized it wasn't her when they first met

- He/Him

- AroAce

- Sometimes gets visons and dreams of his life as the Golden Cicada

- Tripitaka, Zhu Bajie and Sha Wujin can see what their descendants/reincarnations are up to

- He cried on Freenoodles wedding day... it was not of joy, Zhu Bajie also threw up several times

- Once joked about having to shave all of Wukongs fur off now that he's a Monk and Wukong cried

- Absolutely HATES when people enter a room before knocking

- Would probably be scared of popping candy if he ever heard them (bubblegum, pop rocks, etc)

- Hates when people fold the corner of a page as a bookmark

- Constantly corrects people's spelling; "it's 'you're' not 'your' "

- Can't stand the sound of people chewing with their mouths open

- Has naturally long lashes

- Weak ass ankles

- Tried to teach Wukong how to read and gave up in a few hours because he refused to pay attention

- Cries whenever someone brings up his and Zhu Bajie's pregnancy, it's what keeps him up at 3am (if you haven't read JTTW, I'm sorry that this is how you found out)

- Surprisingly has a really good singing voice

- Always writes in cursive and no one can read it

- Understands cicadas

- In JTTW (chapter 39, i think) Tripitaka encountered a demon who impersonated him so well that even with his golden vision Wukong couldn't tell them apart and mistakingly attacked the real one, Tripitaka still gets nightmares about Wukong almost killing him

- Favourite colour is yellow

- Smells like oranges

- Love language is words of affirmation

- Has little freckles

- Extremely texture picky

- Vegetarian

- Has almost lost his hat (???) multiple times due to being kidnapped so often, it's a miracle he hasn't lost it yet

- Loves watching the sunset

- VERY light sleeper

- Smiled at Redson once, who immediately burst into tears (He could see that Tripitaka was the golden cicada and got scared), Tripitaka freaked out and also started crying while trying to calm him down

- She/Her

- Ally

- Has stretch marks as a result of her bones and skin being stretched out while she was possessed by the Lady Bone Demon

- White streaks in her hair from the possession

- Even after being freed from the Lady Bone Demon, her skin was never quite right, always too pale or too cold, with little snowflake markings here and there just barely visible

- Always cold, she has to wear multiple layers of clothing to help deal with it, doesn't matter how hot it is outside, she's always wearing something warm

- Has eyebags because she gets recurring nightmares about the Lady Bone Demon and hardly gets any sleep anymore

- Has very faint freckles

- Definitely believes/believed in those "spells to turn you into a mermaid/fairy/vampire" YouTube videos

- Made potions as a kid (it's windex, food dye, and glitter mixed together)

- Probably collects rocks

- Mei and Macaque taught her how to scam other kids in roblox

- Used to believe that if you ate a seed it'd grow in your stomach and had a meltdown when she accidentally swallowed watermelon seeds

- "Guys, stop swearing!" Whenever someone says "Frick", "Heck", "Dang"

- Cut her own hair once when she was really little, it was a disaster

- Eats whatever anyone gives her

- LOVES kumara

- Always eats lucky charms for breakfast but she'll pick out all the actual cereal so she just has milk and marshmallows

- Her dad is Pigsy's boar rival from across the street

- Loves street food, especially tanghulu and cheese tea

- Chews on her sleeves

- Smells like vanilla

- Love language is quality time

- OBSESSED with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and watches it on repeat (she once compared MK to Donnie because they both fight with staffs)

- Has a charm bracelet with personalized charms she made for everyone she likes/loves

- Loves orbeez and has a heart shaped orbeez lamp that she uses as a night light (I had one as a kid, it was awesome and I miss it very much)

- Dyes the white streaks in her hair pink, but they fade pretty quick so they have to be re-dyed frequently

- Has a tooth gap

- Her favourite flowers are chrysanthemums

[pinkerthings]

the importance of mike and will simply getting each other (pt 2):

part one here !

I’ve covered the significance of Mileven simply not understanding each other, & now it’s time to talk about their counterpart !

(specifying that nothing in these posts is new or groundbreaking, I’m just covering multiple topics and gathering info in one place !)

season 1:

Episode one begins with the party playing a d&d campaign:

When Mike goes upstairs to talk to his mom, Will discovers he’d rolled a seven, meaning the monster got him in the game. Dustin and Lucas say “Did Mike see it?” to which Will shakes his head no. “Then it doesn’t count!” Lucas replies as they scramble to leave the house.

Dustin and Lucas leave and Mike stands next to Will in the garage. After a moment of quiet, Will tells Mike,

“It was a seven. The roll. It was a seven. The demogorgon, it got me.”

To which Mike responds with:

nothing.

This scene is the first scene we get with Mine and Will alone in the whole show. This scene sets up the entirety of their relationship, telling the audience right off the bat,

“Hey! These two boys are best friends, and they don’t lie to each other!”

First impressions are always important in media, and next we get El and Mike’s first scenes together.

Remember, Mike only found El because he was out with Dustin and Lucas looking for Will.

Now, Mike is sweet to El that first night and next day. But keep in mind that the only reason El spent that first night in Mike’s basement was because Mike didn’t want to get in trouble by his mom, because he had been out looking for Will, something he wasn’t supposed to be doing.

Dustin says, “I think we should tell your mom,” and Lucas agrees. Mike responds with, “Who’s crazy now?”

Lucas: “How is that crazy?”

Mike: “Because we weren’t supposed to be out tonight, remember?”

Mike makes the plan to have El sleep there for the night, then go around to the front door in the morning so Karen will know what to do with her. Mike wants her to leave in the morning so they can go back to looking for Will.

Remember, the only reason she stayed the night was so the boys didn’t get in trouble for looking for Will.

Mike keeps Eleven around 1. because “bad men” are after her, and Mike does care for her and her safety, and 2. Mike has a feeling Will is alive and El knows how to find him.

They don’t have many interactions in season 1 due to Will being in the upside down, but they reunite at the end of the season and everything is (seemingly) back to normal.

season 2:

Everyone knows season two is byler’s season ! El is living with Hopper, unbeknownst to the boys, and Mike and Will are as close as ever.

Episode 1: The party goes to Palace Arcade and plays Dig Dug. In the midst of this, Will gets a weird feeling and suddenly sees the upside down.

He walks outside slowly and sees the Mind Flayer, followed by one person and one person only: his best friend.

(can’t ss netflix but mike comes out and asks will if he’s okay)

Mike is the only one out of the other three to notice Will is gone and follow him out. He puts his arm around Will and walks him back inside to play Dig Dug.

Later on in episode one, Joyce picks Will up early from school for his appointment with Dr. Owens,

and the camera zooms into Mike and Mike only, saying,

All three boys notice something is off, but Mike is the first to say something about it.

This whole season is meant to showcase the special friendship Mike and Will have. They know each other the best and even the rest of the party knows that.

Episode 2: This episode is an important one. Max joins the party while trick-or-treating and Mike is not on board with the idea.

(sorry for the terrible grimy photos im taking these pics from another screen)

I've noticed when the party split off into groups, it's almost always Mike & Will, Dustin & Lucas, or Lucas & Max. Mike and Will are glued to each other's hip most of the time.

(these photos are so bad im cryin im sorry)

Mike is upset that Will allowed for Max to join them while trick-or-treating, and when Mike hurries ahead of Will, Will almost seems disappointed in himself for disappointing Mike, staring after him like Mike caught him committing atrocities and he feels guilty. lmao poor will, he just wants to make mike happy !

A moment later we have bullies push Will to the ground, resulting in him seeing the upside down & Mind Flayer again, calling for Mike and running to safety.

When Mike finally reaches Will, he exclaims, "Will! I couldn't find you, are you hurt?" indicating that the moment Mike turned around and didn't see Will behind him, he sensed something was off and went looking for him, just like at Palace Arcade.

While the others chase down the stairs, either cussing or verbally confused, Mike is the only one at Will's side asking him if he's okay.

He helps Will up and puts an arm around him again, just like at palace Arcade, and takes him ho--- oh, you thought I was gonna say home? To Will's house? Nope! Mike says he's going to take Will home, and takes him to the Wheeler's basement.

Ladies and gentlemen, how could I make a byler post without including the infamous crazy together scene !?

We have Mike and Will sitting on the couch in the Wheeler's basement, and Will is telling him all about these "visions" he's been having.

He begins describing,

but stops, not knowing how to finish his sentence. But no worries, Mike finishes it for him!

Will then begs Mike to keep it a secret.

Why won't the others understand? Did the other party member not already see a demogorgon? Do they not already know what the upside down is? Will just wants to have something special--a secret only he and Mike know. He knows the others would understand, but doesn't think they'd be of any help. Unlike Mike, whom he trusts completely.

anyways that's all the photos i can fit here so I will cover the rest of s2, 3, & 4 in my next post. byeeee!!!

part 3 here !

[muses-with-afp]

In terms of weird-o Bleachy thoughts that rampage through my mind at various times, there is always this page from the TBTP arc:

And while this is a banger of a page in an arc full of them, my goober mind mostly telescopes in on this one panel:

Am I not supposed to wonder at this panel? Because here I am on a Friday wondering. More specifically, I am wondering: What am I supposed to take away here? And, what is it that I do actually take away here (today at least)?

As usual, I'll start by describing it because you have to start somewhere, I guess. This scene is a mostly pointless aside to the story, since I don't think we learn anything super substantive, plot-wise. What we do learn is that Byakuya is what passes for a "teenager" during this period, takes his training and role super seriously, and Yoruichi tortures plays with him on occasion.

The panel that draws my eye, however, seems to be communicating a few things at once: One, Byakuya realizes he has a guest. Two, that guest is Yoruichi. And three, Yoruichi greets young Byakuya tits out, which provides some color as to the nature of their relationship. I don't think either points two or three are revelations to the audience. Is anyone shocked the guest is Yoruichi? No, we've already spent some time with her in this arc and know she's definitely around. Also, is anyone really shocked that she and Byakuya have a teasing quasi-sibling relationship? Again, no, we've probably gathered as much since at least the SS arc.

For me, then, it's point one that scratches at the ole brain pan. What I am to make of Byakuya realizing he has a guest? Does he often receive guests at House Kuchiki? My guess is no. He looks sort of curious. The art isn't giving, say, razzle-dazzle anticipation, either (i.e., in that he is really keen on the guest being someone specific). I suppose you could squint really hard and say he might be hopeful as to who could be calling on him, but more in a diffuse "someone took time out of their day to see me" sort of way and less of a heart-skipping prayer that the guest is XYZ, who he's been dying to see again for ages.

I think this latter interpretation might be closer to the truth once the scene continues, and Byakuya goes from, "A guest for little ole me?" to this:

Which is just the zany shit I love to see from my Bleach characters. To be perfectly honest, I think Kubo does a pretty good job at nailing teenagers in all their ridiculous reaction formations and exaggerated responses to things (I say lovingly). However, I think that his relative curiosity ("A guest?") turned immediately to, "GO AWAY, YOU," could be read as he may have been excited or hopeful to receive a guest, one who is not Yoruichi. And, his overblown reaction to Yoruichi likely betrays the fact that even though she's a pain in his ass, he's pretty happy to see her.

So, what to make of all that. Well... perhaps we're supposed to take home the idea that perhaps Byakuya is isolated, even now. We get a hint of that at the very beginning of the scene:

Here, Ginrei (Byakuya's grandfather) notes that he is staying at the manor rather than the barracks, which implies that at least one close family member doesn't always come home. Given that Byakuya's father is the Vice Captain of Squad Six, it's likely his father has a similar schedule (i.e., periods of absence from the home where Byakuya lives). Combined with Byakuya's curiosity at receiving a guest and subsequent deflation at who that guest winds up being, perhaps we are supposed to understand that he's pretty lonely.

Now, before someone accuses me of going easy on Byakuya, I definitely think some of that loneliness is of his own making, given what a cocky brat he is to Yoruichi in these panels, a perspective that gets echoed by Kaien shortly afterward:

But, being a cocky brat is sort of a thing teens do on occasion. And, not having a lot of people to socialize with probably doesn't help with beating that quality out of someone learning how to behave appropriately.

Given how this arc shakes out in the end--with Yoruichi going into hiding to help a friend--the potential people left to call upon Byakuya dwindles further. Then, after his dad dies an unspecified amount of time later, it dwindles further still.

And so, on that thought, I end this post. Because what's Bleach without a little tragedy coupled with humor? (My personal favorite variety of Bleach.)

[aeoki]

Atlantis - Prologue

Location: Unknown Characters: Touri & Yuzuru Season: Winter Writer: Akira

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ< A dream. Or perhaps Touri Himemiya’s harsh reality. >

Touri: (............)

 (I can’t breathe.)

(It hurts. It hurts. It hurts so much.)

Touri: (I can’t open my eyes… I can’t see anything)

(It’s dark and cold.)

(Cold. Cold. So cold.)

(I feel like I’ll freeze… Why is it so cold?)

(Hey, is anyone there?)

(Yuzuru! Hibiki-senpai! Eichi-sama…!)

(Is someone there? Anyone’s fine, so please–)

(It hurts. I can’t see anything. It’s cold – so cold.)

(Where am I? Why am I here…?)

(Eichi-sama! Eichi-sama! Eichi-sama!)

(You’re in such a high place. And you looked so cold there.)

(I did my best to reach my arm out.)

(But I can’t fly in the skies like the angels can…)

(I’m broken. My wings were torn off and I fell to the ground…)

(Oh, is this the sea?)

(It’s the lowest depths of the sea, where the light cannot reach.)

(So is that why it’s so cold, dark and hurts to breathe?)

Touri: *Cough, cough, cough*

Yuzuru: Young Master?

Are you alright?

Have you caught a cold? You must have pushed yourself too hard despite still recovering after you fainted during “SS”...

Touri: Uuu… *sniffle*

Yuzuru: Young Master? If you’re in a condition where you cannot respond, then I shall call an ambulance at once–

Touri: *Inhales, exhales…* Y–Yuzuru?

Yuzuru: Yes? Yuzuru is right here.

I shall always be by your side.

Touri: …I see. R–Right.

Hehe… We’re living in the dorms now but we’re still in the same room. You must be tired of this, huh.

You were this close to getting away and being free from having to take care of someone annoying.

Yuzuru: You jest. Besides, even if we were assigned to different rooms with a wall in between, I would have settled down in your room, Young Master.

It’s my job to stay beside you and to take care of you – it’s also my reason to live.

Touri: Wow~ That’s gross… and annoying ♪

Yuzuru: Hehe. Your actions and words are not matching up.

You’re holding onto my hand so tightly – I see you’re still as spoiled as ever and a handful to deal with.

Touri: Sorry. I had a nightmare.

I might have said some weird things in my sleep because of that. But I’m fine – I haven’t caught a cold.

I’ll be sure to be my usual cheerful self when I work tomorrow.

Yuzuru: Hmm… Your temperature is normal. Your temperature tends to be on the higher side like a child’s, so it can be hard to tell, though.

Touri: When did you take my temperature?

Yuzuru: I can even change you out of your clothes without you knowing.

I have full knowledge of the locations of your body’s nerves and points of sensitivity, so you would feel nothing, as if there are acupuncture needles placed throughout your entire body–

Touri: That’s so scary! Sometimes, your weird skills scare me and it’s gross!

Yuzuru: Those skills were all gained for your sake, Young Master ♪

Touri: Like I said, you’re kinda scaring me!

Yuzuru: There is no need to be afraid. I will always be on your side.

Touri: Uuu~ I know that and I appreciate it… But it’s a lot of pressure and not to mention bewildering to give up your entire life for someone else, especially when that someone is superior to you in every way. 

I’m not worthy of someone doing that for me.

Yuzuru: What are you saying? I see you’ve become anxious after having that nightmare.

It’s alright. Young Master, you are someone excellent, good-natured and worthy of being served by me.

If you have any doubts, then I shall whisper those words into your ear and repeat it one million times.

Touri: I think I’ll end up seeing a different kind of nightmare so don’t do that.

Yuzuru: I’d love to whisper my love for you, though, Young Master...

Touri: Yuzuru, are you half-asleep too or something?

Oh, it’s three o’clock in the morning. And I woke you up, huh. Sorry.

Yuzuru: No, no. It would be awful if something bad were to happen, so please feel free to let me know if you’re feeling unwell.

The time or place does not matter.

I shall repeat this over and over, but I’ll always be on your side no matter what – you are my priority.

Please don’t forget that.

Touri: Yeah… I know.

Yuzuru: Has your anxiety subsided?

Touri: More or less… Ahh, I’m getting sleepy now that I feel relieved.

Yuzuru: That is wonderful. I shall hold your hand until you fall asleep.

Touri: I’m not a baby. You also have work tomorrow, right, Yuzuru? Go to bed.

It’s fine – I’m okay.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤNext Chapter →

[iris-in-the-rain]

Stede has never had an understanding family. He's used to disparaging or downright snide comments. He used to try to explain his point of view, but all he got was 'You just can't take a joke, can you?' or 'So I can't even tell you what I think?' or 'I'm just gonna stop talking to you, you're impossible to have a conversation with!'

And Stede tried, he really did, but it was never good enough. So eventually whenever anyone said anything mean to him, he just hung his head and took it. Of course that was also wrong, but he just couldn't win.

When he met Ed, he just couldn't believe his luck. Ed was the loveliest, sweetest person Stede has ever met! He was kind, goofy and made Stede laugh like nobody else! Stede didn't think he deserved him, and so of course, in true Stede-fashion, as his father once called his behaviour, he had to go and fuck it up.

Ed and him were dating for just over three months, and things were going really well. They'd been sleeping together for four weeks and there were absolutely no complaints there either.

They'd had a date night and after they came back to Ed's place. It was a lovely dinner, but afterwards neither felt particularly up for anything else than kissing, and perhaps Ed picked up on Stede feeling a bit off, and so both cuddled up and fell asleep.

Until Stede woke up feeling really weird. He glanced at Ed, sleeping soundly, and after debating for a few seconds whether to wake him, he untangled himself from Ed's arms and tiptoed to the bathroom, which was down the hall.

He grimaced, clutching his stomach. Oh, he was not feeling well! The face looking back at him in the mirror was pale, sweat beading on his hairline. Oh no.

He was going to be sick. Tears sprung to his eyes. No no no! Not here! Not again!

The memory of being sick when he was little came back to him, his father telling him to sort himself out, as thirteen year old Stede tried to stifle his sobs, while not really understanding what happened. He was feeling poorly, how was that his fault?! But it must have been, as his father angrily shouted that he was an idiot for eating that much candy. He was an idiot then, and he was being an idiot now. There was that time when he'd been sick at a work do, and nobody let him live it down, despite the fact that his drink was spiked by the Badminton brothers. Both admitted to it afterwards, while laughing, and telling Stede that they only did it to loosen him up, and it was his own fault for being like he was. Since then, Stede lived in a perpetual state of guilt. Things were his fault, of course they were. Even if they were not, they must have been. Right?

And now again. They had such a nice dinner, the food was great and now he was feeling ill for no reason! Idiot. Idiot! Why did it have to happen while he was at Ed's?

Stede started shaking. He was going to be sick, he couldn't stop it and then he was.

Tears silently ran down his face as he flushed the toilet. He was shivering now. Oh, he hoped he didn't wake up Ed. After rinsing his mouth, as quietly as he could, he shakily made his way to the kitchen for some water.

As he'd been to Ed's before, he knew where everything was, but in the dark, he opened a wrong cabinet and the next thing he knew he was standing in the kitchen with the light on, smashed glass around him and a wide-eyed Ed in front of him.

'Stede, what the hell, man?'

Stede immediately shrank back. He fucked it up after all, for all that he tried, and now Ed knew and he was angry, and he was gonna dump him, for the stupid, pathetic mess that Stede was.

'I'm sorry, I'M SORRYY!'

Ed's face immediately morphed into pure concern.

'Woah, Stede, hey...'

Stede swayed, his bare feet close to the broken shards of glass on the floor.

Ed's arm shot out to steady him.

'Babe, hey... Hey, what's wrong?'

Stede's tears returned in full force.

'I'm ss-sorry, Ed, I'm so sorry! I, I was sick and...' Ed's eyes widened at that. 'And, and I know it's my fault, and I just wanted ss-some water but I broke your glass and I'm sorry, Ed, I'm sorry and I'll go, I'll just...'

But he didn't get to finish his rambling, because he was suddenly pressed into Ed's warm chest, his beloved's arms around him, as Ed pressed a kiss to his head, shushing him gently.

'Love, it's okay, shh. Don't apologise, it's okay, come on...'

Ed held Stede close to him, as he steered them back to the bedroom.

'Ed no, the glass, your feet!!'

'Honey, it's okay, we're okay.'

Ed led Stede back to bed, and held him close as they sat down. Stede started weeping again, trying to muffle the sound, as Ed held him even closer. After a few minutes, Stede tried to pull back.

'Bathroom, I need...' He swiped at his face. 'I'm disgusting, I need to... my face, m-my teeth...'

'Honey, you're not disgusting. You're not!' Ed added, as Stede started to protest. 'Come on, sit back on the bed, and I'll sort everything out, okay? It's okay, I promise. I'll be back in a few moments'

After pressing a kiss to Stede's forehead, Ed left the bedroom, returning with a bowl of warm water, towels, abd Stede's toothbrush. He also brought a bottle of water.

'Hey babe, come on, let's get you cleaned up, okay?'

Wetting one of the towels, he gently wiped Stede's face. He then handed him the bottle of water.

'Small sips, love, that's it.' Ed brushed Stede's hair out of his eyes. 'Brought your toothbrush, just clean your teeth, your mouth must feel grotty. Spit in the bucket, that's good.'

Fresh tears ran down Stede's cheeks.

'I'm sorry, Ed, you shouldn't have to d-deal with this, I know it's my own f-fault and...'

'Hey Stede, no no. You're poorly, it can't be helped. It is absolutely not your fault...'

'I can go...'

'Honey, it's okay, I promise. I'm not angry about anything, I just want you to feel better.'

At Stede's continued distress, Ed's eyes glistened with emotion. 'I love... that you're here, and I want you to be here, even if you're not feeling well. Especially then! I want to look after you.'

Ed's fingers cupped Stede's cheek.

'How you feeling now, honey? Ready to lie down? I'm just gonna get one more thing, okay?'

With that, Ed left the bedroom, returning few minutes later, holding a hot water bottle.

'Come on, love, scootch over a little.' He booped Stede's nose and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth, before Stede could protest.

'Come on, the hot water bottle will help your tummy' Ed started adjusting Stede's pillows until the latter was in a position where he felt comfortable, before pulling the comforter over them both and snuggling up to Stede's side.

'Is that okay, love? Do you need anything else?'

Looking into Ed's big eyes, Stede took a shaky breath and brought up Ed's hand to kiss it.

'How did I get so lucky, my darling?' The question was whispered as if Stede was being scared to hear the answer.

A glowing smile lit up Ed's face.

'I'm the lucky one.'

'But...'

'But nothing. I'm so lucky that I found you, babe. I don't know who made you feel like you had to hide when you needed help but I never want you to hide from me. Never, Stede. Okay? Please, love.'

Stede wanted to protest, he did. His mind was still trying to scream at him, years of gaslighting and conditioning to hide himself warring with Ed's words, but for the first time ever, he felt safe. He believed Ed. He snuggled closer.

'Okay.'

He felt Ed's smile against his shoulder, as their intertwined hands rested on his stomach. He was okay. He was understood. It wasn't his fault. And he didn't have to hide anymore. With Ed, he was finally safe.

[iamumbra195]

I want someone to write a bleach AU where Ichigo meets Rukia in his early twenties when he's a stressed out college student trying to figure out what he want to do with his life after trying to go down a medical route and not liking it but not knowing what else to do (I'm projecting so hard but we're ignoring that)

The chaotic potential of Ichigo going through his classes and having to run out randomly to deal with a hollow, of rukia attending his classes with him without formally being a student, of the chaos Kon would create

Give me architecture student Orihime that he occasionnaly talks to because of mutual friends like Tatsuki. Give me fashion design student Ishida that Ichigo doesn't recognize because he never bothered to know his classmates beyond a few here and there and Ishida definitely wasn't one of them.

Give me vet student Chad that has like three cats in his and Ichigo's shared dorm that are definitely not supposed to be there but Ichigo loves them. Rukia absolutely loves them as well.

unhinged ichigo fighting hollows the same way he used to fight those gang members in high school because he wants the adrenaline rush. He would probably get on with Shiro a little better too XD.

Ichigo, who started seeing hollows when he was like sixteen after being attacked by them. Ichigo, who has a weird little power that he doesn't quite know how to use that looks like this weird fullbring thing except without the pass so it's more of like a quincy arrow just not the usual blue colour. It's not really powerful enought to fully take out a hollow cause he doesn't know how to control it but it protects him long enough to get away

It's an interesting idea, to have him see hollows but not be strong enough to fight them the way he usually does for a long time until Rukia comes along. His attitude towards the whole thing would be a little different as well.

Also having spiritually aware Inoue, Chad, and Tatsuki but the former two don't have their powers because they haven't been fully exposed to Ichigo's leaking reiatsu when he gets his soul reaper powers.

Having Tatsuki be closer to Ichigo because of this is a nice touch too, cause now the two of them can both see spirits and Ichigo doesn't quite feel as lonely as he used. The two of them having a rekindled friendship makes me happy for some reason and idk, her just teasing Inoue for having a crush on him and like, plotting to get them together with some help from Rukia when she arrives because she likes to tease Ichigo about Orihime all the time

Oh, and her having a water style fullbring that she incorporates into her martial arts and creates something like Fishman Karate from One piece would be super cool too. She just gives me water vibes for some reason

Also, Ichigo not being teen makes him far less susceptible to manipulation from the adults in his life, more mature, and probably less forgiving— that last part is because I want Ichigo to punch Urahara for what he did to Rukia in the SS arc because I sort of hate that he was forgiven so easily like Rukia didn’t even seem to care???

That makes me so angry for some reason. Like I like Urahara’s character but it doesn’t take away from the fact that he’s a shady shit. I feel like older Ichigo would be less tolerant of his antics than teen Ichigo

Idk, it just seems like such a funny idea to me-- chaotic substitute soul reaper Ichigo + College stress and the existential crisis of trying to figure out what the fuck you wanna do with your life = hilarity

(I'm projecting so hard, someone help me, my coping mechanism for stress is escapism and I've missed like three deadlines and there's like two weeks before school starts and I haven't even gotten around to making my schedule yet, I'm dying pls)

[dynamic-k]

SS THEORY, TAGERT AMNESIA IS KAORI: Been keeping this theory a secret for a long time ever since the release of chapter 7. It was supposed to go along with the thing I'm working on for SS (which will hopefully not take a year :'>), but anyway. I believe that Kaori Becker is Target Amnesia. Now that I have more information to further support this (thank to all the questions that rI0r-girl has asked), I can probably confirm this. In my initial theory before all the additional information is that she is Target Amnesia and is responsible for her family's not remembering of her. And I theorized it's either the cliché 'I want to protect' or something else entirely. And it's also weird how HH brothers have their powers when it doesn't look like Alan has, so they must've gotten in from someone which I assume is their mother. Or that they are just mudbloods and this has nothing to do with Heredity or Genes at all. With the additional information, I can add more to this theory. In an ask that rI0r-girl sent, they said: 'I think Vic just has invisibility' your response was... trying to hide the evidence. In the same ask, they also said what power does Kaori have, your response was that it was two but three if you count the side. Now that it has been confirmed that Kaori does have powers, it now would make sense that she is responsible for the recessive gene that gives the brothers their powers. More so that you said Kaori and Vic's powers are nearly similar. Vic's additional power is to see someone (...) who is invisible, along with another he will discover. If his powers are near similar to this mothers, then it would make sense that he got these two primary abilities from Kaori who now I say wields the same two abilities. Meaning that Vic's third power (presumably) is that he can alter or erase or whatever with people's memory, like his mother again. But likely he won't discover this until later chapters. It also makes sense that if she did have invisibility and altering memory prowess, then she could alter her family's memory and leave without anyone noticing her. Like a memory, she is gone. For now. I think. Maybe- Now with this, Kaori have a total of 3 abilities (counting the side which is 3), as you have said. But what about the other three brothers? Previously said in an ask-answer I'm too lazy to find, their abilities are entirely different from Vic's and their mother's (presumably if that is the case). And you-I don't know if I'm remembering this right-made an emphasis on a 'powerless' Alan. I put powerless there because I do think he does have powers and is therefore responsible for the other three's powers. It's just that he doesn't know that he secretly carries the gene, he may find out soon, or never. Another thing from my old theory is that the three brothers, were just mudbloods. Actually all four of them were if I got the entire gene pool wrong. HH brothers are mudblood that suddenly got their powers and their parents are muggles. Why the Harry Potter terms? I don't know, but they are fun to use and say. Though we can scratch that since it has already been confirmed by the information given. Not sure if this makes sense though more or less is correct. So... yeah. Guess that's my theory. I don't know why I just shifted-well it looked like I shifted-a topic to another, but eh. -BK Also yes I am alive (and not anonymous this time)-sorry for the no update :')

:D Friendo! Hello! Hi! Lovely to hear from you!

>:3 Well well wellllll~ What do we have here! THEORIES!

Gosh I love it when people share these~~

YEaaAHhp, Kaori is indeed Target Amnesia.

I think, if I remember right cause I know i did do this SOMEWHERE- I did basically confirm this in a comment thread somewhere I have forgotten... I think not very many people saw it though, so- ewjnfjakrgkqeagn

| In my initial theory before all the additional information is that she is Target Amnesia and is responsible for her family's not remembering of her. And I theorized it's either the cliché 'I want to protect' or something else entirely. |

Partially right and partially incorrect, but I probably shouldn't spoil it. AS MUCH AS I REALLY WANT TO-

i can't keep my mouth shut, honestly, I may regret revealing so much-

BUT I'M EXCITEDDDDDD

I'm fine with clarifying this: Chosen, Dark, and Second, do not share abilities with Kaori. They did receive storng powers, but only because Kaori's passed down genetics altered and developed uniquely into what Chosen, Dark, and Second have currently. Vic is the most similar to Kaori.

BUT!! Vic does not possess ANY "memory altering" related powers. That unknown third power is yet to be guessed or known by any other than myself. and a few siblings-

| Vic's additional power is to see someone (...) who is invisible, along with another he will discover. |

Hehe. "Someone" /inside-joke between asker and me, *cough*

| It also makes sense that if she did have invisibility and altering memory prowess, then she could alter her family's memory and leave without anyone noticing her. Like a memory, she is gone. |

:)

You have earned an ominous smiley face. Do with that what you will.

-

Uhm- The reason I emphasized "powerless Alan" is because he doesn't have powers- I think I have said this like- At least twenty times to comments, asks, replies to comments, in various places to many many different people.

And I will say it again!! ALAN IS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY POWERLESS, UNLESS MAYYYYBE YOU COUNT HIS SKILL WITH MAKING REALLY GOOD MUFFINS, but that isn't a result of a power or genes or something present at his birth, technically. He's just... good. He built up the skill himself.

Alan doesn't even have recessive power genes. I'm so serious, he has NOTHING superpowered to him. BUT HE WILL WHACK A SUPERVILLAIN WITH A ROLLING PIN AND BAKE THEMM INTO HIS MUFFINS IF THEY HURTS HIS PRECIOUS BOYS-

And NO. Alan has no "undiscovered~!!!" powers either- What do I have to say to get this across- /silly

[Don't read my words as angry or mad, I'm having way too much fun answering this ask, believe me]

-

Thank you for that ask!! I'm super happy I could help clarify misunderstandings, which tend to be in... quite a LOT of theories, actually.

Which is another reason why I love it when people share the theories they have!! I can help course correct any incorrect assumptions or notions. :3

Anddddd probably also share some extra things against my will due to my excited blabber mouth- [or hands, I suppose, since I'm typing this]

Have a lovely lovely day!! Or timezone! OR whenevers~

[gizmocrate-werecrow]

What to do when you are a leafling: hero’s hideaway?

(Well I think I’m having too much fun with this)

Down in his vault hideaway, Olimar took off his space suit. He was wearing a white shirt with the hocotate shipping company logo and a ring. He took it off and placed it in a box. He let out a long and heavy sigh. His hideaway had artifacts of this strange planet strewn around. Giant’s buttons, a picture of a familiar looking pair of beasts, his pilot seat and a knocked out familiar stranger.

The Stranger wore a blue variation of the hocotate shipping company issued suit, the stranger’s helmet was covered in blood and the suit in guts of an Icy bulborb. The name seemed to come to Olimar thankfully. 

Louie.

“So the president sent you here…How…” Olimar started, trying to say the word that came to mind when he thought of the president, what he wished he could say when doing unpaid overtime, what he wished he could say when he has to go on yet another long haul journey that takes a week to complete. The word then came to him, leaving his mouth with its sounds feeling unfamiliar to Olimar.

“Incompetent of him…He sent me to my death…Now he has sent you to find me…Moss, take him down, he needs to be saved from the stupidity of my boss…this feels so weird to say…it feels cathartic…he won't get mad if i say it now…but… no i shouldn't think it, shouldn't say it and yet there is a hint of excitement to say it.” Olimar said. He jumped onto Moss as they both entered the cave.

Down in the cave, Moss laid Louie down. Olimar took a deep breath and blew the whistle around his neck. Three blue Pikmin picked up Louie and carried him into the onion. In a moment louie was sucked up and spat out as a dark blue coloured leaf person. Olimar blew the whistle again, letting the three blue Pikmin run back to him.

Then it happened.

Louie woke up and got onto his feet and stood diligently much like the Pikmin would.

“Louie? You’re already awake?”

“...Dandori…achieved through command…dandori…gives food.” Louie said, his now four green eyes staring blankly at Olimar.

At least a part of Louie still remained. Now if I blow the whistle and point at a button in the water. Olimar thought, his hand shaking with uncertainty as he brought the whistle to his lips. With a whistle he pointed at the button under water. Louie and two blue Pikmin ran underwater, carrying the button without complaint.

A breakthrough! It seems I can command the...Oh it seems one of the leaf people I saved has called himself a leafling. I cannot think of a better name so I will use that. I can command Leaflings as well as Pikmin! This will improve my Dandori skills beyond what I thought was possible! Olimar thought. He could feel a slight part of him, the hocotatian part of him begging to stop.

That small part was silenced as one thought echoed in the captain’s mind.

“Dandori…” The captain said.

A few hours earlier

Pom jumped off of the rescue dog and walked around Dingo. She ummed and ahhed at his appearance. There was a spring in her step and a hint of curiosity in her eyes.

“You must be Dingo.” Pom said.

“Your name is Pom, I take it.” Dingo said, shaking Pom’s hand.

“Yes! I’m Pom Amarde. The rookie.” Pom smiled and then walked up to the other two leaflings.

Jack meanwhile climbed onto Dingo’s shoulder, they looked up at him in confusion.

“Who is that?” Jack said, they now had their weapon sheathed on their back. They tugged at their stem for a moment waiting for an answer.

“That's our way back to the ship. One moment, Pom?”

“Yes?” Pom said.

“Listen, we have to wait until nightfall or else Yonny will vanish.”

“Oh okay then! I'll ask Russ if he's got any ideas on how to deal with that. Collin, Dingo will be coming back via the SS Beagle. Can it drop him off while I explore the rest of the cave?”

“You can try Pom, but be careful. If you or Oatchi are down while it's gone we can't recover you!” Collin said.

“Relax, it's going to be okay.” Pom smiled, directing Dingo and Jack to the ship.

Being teleported reminded Dingo a lot of the onion, sucked up into the small ship and the next thing he knew he found himself staring up at Shepherd. Dingo could feel his cheeks turn red as he covered his face. He stood up and dusted himself off before assuming a cool look. By her side was Colin who was deep in the whole communication thing. 

“Ranger Dingo. Welcome back to the rescue corps.” Shepherd said.

(So likes are liked but reblogs are better! Askbox is also open and um…well…this is going to be the point where it really goes off the games plot)

[exoticalmonde]

Arknights Chapter XIII - The Whirlpool That Is Passion (Part I)

GOOD MORNING EVERYBODY AND I WISH ALL THOSE WHO WISH TO BE HOEDERER/VENDELA/VERDANT OWNERS TO BE HAVERS BECAUSE IT'S A WONDERFUL DAY AND I AM SO OVERDUE WITH WRITING THIS ACTUALLY!!!!

WARNING: This post is going to contain a lot of yapping from me about Hoederer and how much I love him and would also have a LOT of spoilers.

I am also a great yume-shipper, so my Dr. and Hoederer are married, that information should help with the weird comments sometimes.

Might make it different parts because all those SS will never fit even up to the part I am right now.

Perhaps first of all I need to mention how the pulling went? Apart from my day being catastrophically long and arduous, I managed to sneak some snacking in-between the one additional hour I had left after returning home.

I was actually shaking. Jittering out of my bones, near-heart attack type of activity was happening on my side of the screen while everybody else watched. I was supposed to take SS of every 10-pull but... I got ahead of myself. I think I had around 130 pulls, excluding the ones that I could buy from the ticket shop and the Originium that I blew for a skin.

I even kind of... Skipped my first Hoederer. The one below is the second one, that I ended my funds for, until I could buy the level 60 pack from the shop.

But we caught the third one.

And as it happens I was underprepared with money and XP cards, though I had all the materials for his skills. Bless the green tickets for allowing me to bulk-buy some of them actually since... My god farming for the RMA70-12 is tedious, fruitless and sad.

If I could get a penny for every single time this loser was being problematic I would have enough to buy them and never have problems again.

In any case, he could be immediately E1 lvl80d, and I have been grinding enough to get him to E2 on the same day. He's currently lvl60, cooking his M3 on S1 with Wishlash giving him a thumbs up every time he pulls out a whole boiled chicken to eat.

Starved Sarkaz, am I right?

Even his little token that you get when he joins you another time... I am actually crying, I love him so much and I am so happy he became playable.

Speaking of, did anybody know that the furniture set is separated into a couple other, smaller sets, or was I supposed to learn this from googling it myself?

Apparently, the whole set is called Mercenaries' Hideout, but the smaller sections of it are:

Writing Is Meaningless

Don't Ever Truly Rest

Secondhand Goods

Maintain Your Health

And I am sitting here, tears in my eyes reading their descriptions... When I first remembered that Chapter 13 was coming with a new set I almost screamed. Dr. Pinkie was making fun of me for calling this jail cell basically the same epithets you would use for a five-star hotel, but it really was close to my heart the way it mixed compact with DIY/'Hey, you'll never guess what I found on the street' kind of interior.

And because it is based around Hoederer, we are going to look through it first and read the descriptions before I actually descend into the story.

Description of the full set reads:

A recreation of a hideout in Kazdel, based on Hoederer's description and a number of additional details provided by Ines. As for anything not recreated from their recollections, it's best not to touch—Anything added by W might just blow up.

I love to imagine that these three have to share a dorm and the Doctor just goes up to Ines and Hoederer and asks if there is anything they can do to make it cosy or somehow homey. Also to think that both of them would have recollections of these 'hideouts' in Kazdel... Meanwhile, W seems like she's never been in those? My memory is kind of fuzzy about just how old the three are in comparison to each other.

Before/After Kazdel is pretty much like Before/After Eve was on the internet.

Basement Flooring:

Flooring that recreates the vibes of the basement where the mercenaries lived back in Kazdel. Ines sometimes muses that the place would be more suitable as a small shop. The two both ignored W's suggestion to sell potatoes there.

Basement Wallpaper:

Wallpaper that recreates the look of the basement where the mercenaries lived back in Kazdel. The gray walls look almost exactly the same as before. This time, when they look out the window, it is not the dust-covered Kazdel that they see.

'Our Current State'

A light tube is attached to a frame haphazardly welded together from multiple iron plates, letting out a warm glow despite its appearance. No matter how unstable it may seem, its light can carry the mercenaries through the dark night.

Somehow this little light contraption is 10000x better than any glaring white LED lightbulb that you could ever introduce to me these days.

Rust-colored Rug

A rug showing signs of age that look almost like rust. For some reason, this makes it blend in with the room's style. Is there a color that better reflects life in Kazdel? At least it's not blood-colored.

WHAT IF I JUST EXPLODE IN TEARS???!!!!????!!!!!

Writing Work Desk

A desk piled with books and documents. There are clear traces of manual craftsmanship. Few of the Sarkaz publications sitting on the desk are actually written in the Sarkaz language.

Hoederer's writing desk, I love him so much. The place he might be writing down the different things he wants to be telling to his class, because you KNOW I will absolutely be filing for sponsorship to get him those books and songs he might want to use. Pull in other Sarkaz on the ship to help. Not sure who I have who could be specifically from Kazdel times, but we will find them for you sweetie.

Intel Organizer

A must-have document pegboard for mercenaries, usually used to confirm target information and locations prior to missions. The photographs are always taken down whenever their owner returns. Yet sometimes, their owner never returns.

... I think I am actually going to die from sadness and we have not even started the chapter yet.

Storage Steel Pipe

A rack welded together from steel pipes and plates, normally used to hang clothes and hats. "How many times do I have to say this? Do not hang your work aprons here!"

I don't know who is speaking but the 'work apron' looks like it's Hoederer's and if I have to assume it's probably Ines who is scolding him about it. Little rebel, does it anyways.

Mercenaries' Bed

A flatbed trolley turned sofa bed. The fabric has frayed, but it is indeed soft and roomy. The broken wheel hubs ensure that it stays in place. For a very long time, this was the only place where the nights were not plagued by nightmares.

Imagine being on your trolley sofa-bed and suddenly RI begins moving because there is an emergency and your silly wheels go squeak-squeak towards the other end of the room at the same speed at which you were sitting still because everything else is moving but the bed is trying to stay at the same spot---

Me: "Do we know how fast RI moves?" Pinkie: "As fast as Czernobog can move towards Lungmen. It has to be fast enough to outrun a tornado." Me: "OH. Alright. Yeah, that makes sense."

"No Overloading"

Originally an exquisite wooden hanging lamp that lets out a warm glow. There are always knickknacks piled on top. It has a warning placed above: "No stacking!" Hoederer asked Ines, "Is this really something we can use?" Ines answered, "Yes."

IS THAT A PHOTO???? IS THAT??? WHAT ARE THEY???? Books???

Simple Study Ceiling Light

A part that the mercenaries removed from who-knows-what and hung from the ceiling. It started glowing, and not only is it very bright, it's also very hot. Ines asked Hoederer, "Is this really something we can use?" Hoederer answered, "Yes."

Hoederer, sweetie, I think if Ines gets to ask 'Can we use this safely?' then perhaps we might not have to use a random fire stick someone found somewhere.

Portable Stove

A stove that's portable, easy to assemble. What's on it likely belongs to a certain dangerous individual. Do not touch. "Oh, the paper in the stove? I ran out of fuel. By the way, Hoederer, you hungry? I cooked some potatoes over there."

YEAH? WITH HIS BOOKS, DIDNT YOU W???

"Versatility"

A bookshelf put together from multiple recycled materials. The lamp at the top was brought back by Ines. She said it was to make it easier to see shadows. The box at the foot of the shelf is full of historical studies.

Yeah, I too need a dowry chest full of books to feel satisfied.

Secondhand File Cabinet

A heavy steel file cabinet containing the historical data of each Sarkaz clan. Today, even the names of many of the clans documented within are indecipherable.

TO BE CONTINUED...

[mars101]

Act 5: -> Scene 3: Kim Younghoon

WRITTEN PART -> (1.2k) -> no ss after text

june 1st, 2002

hi travel diary i have one word to say as i start this..

wow.

STARTING THIS TRIP OFF WITH A BANG!!!

not literally sadly but idk maybe we'll get there.. :)

anyways so, there was this guy i saw at the airport and… how can someone look this good?? i swear, it was like i was looking at a statue. i think that i literally did stare at him like he was one..

he did look back at me and i winked at him, i wish i had a picture of his cute blush that he got after i winked. he sent me back a small wave and didnt look at me after it though :((

we are going on the same flight so hopefully i’ll bump into him eventually..

July 16th, One day before Yin's Wedding.

After sailing the boat for a while, Juyeon told Yin to stop by the shore near the back of the island. He told her that the four of them were going to have a small picnic.

Juyeon was releasing the anchor, Hyunjae was gathering what they brought, and.. Younghoon was still napping… Yin was lucky enough to lose rock paper scissors and be the one to wake him up.

“younghoon..? we're going to leave the boat now”

“Huh? Oh this wasn't a dream..” Younghoon sighs as he sits up and rubs his eyes slightly. With a tired smile he stands up and looks around, “Oh Yin, where's Juyeon and Hyunjae?”

“already off the boat, come on let's go! you also have to tell me how you met my mom”

“Oh do I?” Younghoon raises an eyebrow as the two of them walk over to get off the boat. “i've already asked hyunjae and juyeon, now i need to hear your story”

As the two meet up with Juyeon and Hyunjae on the beach, they find a spot on a hill with a flat area. Younghoon immediately going to lean on the tree that shades the area.

“Did Yin really ask you guys on how you met Y/n too?”

The other two men looked at each other before nodding, “I mean yeah, it's been years since I talked about y/n so why not” Hyunjae leans forward torwards Younghoon as he talks, “Are we going to get a live retelling on how you met Y/n??”

“Uhm…”

july 15th, 2002

no way…..

TRAVEL DIARY! DO YOU REMEMBER THAT EXTRA HANDSOME BOY AT THE AIRPORT???

WELL HES HERE!!!! i did not know that my luck would be this good during this trip. three men. call me what you want but i am living the dream right now

also.. you know what they say, the third time's the charm ;) ok but in terms of when i saw them would that mean juyeon’s the third man or if i actually talk to them. and i will talk to the cutie by the way, just want to make it clear that this time i will make a move on him.

i am actually a bit nervous this time it is so weird, ew usually im not so hesitant like this i should just do what y/n does and be y/n

(oh god he has me talking in third person)

good luck y/n you got this!!

July 16th, One day before Yin's Wedding.

“Fine. But I'm not telling details-”

“what?!? but they're the best part. at least leave some details in. like what my mom was wearing, how pretty you thought she was, when did you two-”

Younghoon waves his hand around at Yin. Juyeon and Hyunjae are already starting to eat while waiting for the story.

“Alright alright, I'll leave some details in, I guess.. and don't expect much. I'm not a storyteller”

“You will be” Juyeon said before shoving a spoonful of food in his mouth.

“okayyy come on, come on, let's hear it!” yin exclaimed as she got ready to listen intently to younghoon.

“Calm down, Yin. I'll get to it. I think I'll need to give some background first. It was around twenty years ago, and I was on vacation with my parents and their best friends, plus their kids too. I first saw Y/n at the airport, I think?”

“wait does that mean you were the first one?”

“First one to talk to her.. no. but yes first one to see her”

Hyunjae gulps down his food loudly, “I think I was the first one to talk to your mom. Early June was when I met her”

“July 6th for me.”

“Uhm yesterday day, July 15th..”

“happy anniversary!!” the three men all looked at yin with different emotions on their face. “okay sorry wrong joke my bad. you can continue with your story now” yin takes a sip of her water to ignore the stares.

“Alright uh, so yeah, I didn't notice Y/n at first because I was making sure I had everything. But when I did look up and made eye contact with her, I had gotten so shy. I think I had a small blush on my face” Younghoon covers his face in slight embarrassment at the way the three others are listening to him.

“Now, it's a month later, and my parents just told me I'm going to marry a childhood friend and so-”

“Woah woah woah, you're going to just skip over that?? What do you- How did- WHAT”

Juyeon's jaw dropped as he put down his plate for dramatics and put his hands out, reaching for the air.

“Oh right uh, at a dinner with my family and her's, our parents said that.. we were going to get married in a month…”

“What.”

“The.”

“flip.”

“Yeah… my exact reaction, well almost. I was the only one who didn't know, so I ran away. Sneaked on a boat and ended up here on this island. Met Y/n at the hotel from earlier, and she clinged onto me, and we went out danced on the beach, kissed on the beach, and… dot dot dot.”

yin tilted her head in confusion and looked at the other two men who were nodding their heads with a slight smile, “dot dot dot? what does that mean?”

Hyunjae and Juyeon put their hands out for a high five to Younghoon while he replied to Yin, “It's something from our time, I'm not sure if you know about it.”

“but you're saying dot dot dot, how can i not know when it's just dots?”

The three of them start to stand up and stretch as they jokingly ignore Yin, “Alright let's pack up” Juyeon looks at a nonexistent watch on his wrist, “Oh yeah look at the time Yin, your wedding is tomorrow remember!”

“wait but-”

july 17th, 2002

what a night.

younghoon is such a dream. literally. men like him are only seen in my dreams, big sighs ahhhh.

with him, i feel like nothing can go wrong.

like first of all, he's so respectful, offered to pay when yin could literally give it to us for free, always asked me first, and has a fiance.

he's getting married.

younghoon is getting married and not to me.

y/n.. you are so stupid. there always has to be something going wrong in the end, right? just why..?

synopsis = a day before her wedding day, Yin decides to find her father so he can walk her down the isle, the problem? There's three candidates: Lee Juyeon, Kim Younghoon, and Lee Hyunjae.

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@boomhoon , @sanasour , @loonaluvz , @jaerisdiction , @cowsmicwu , @jundundun , @piripurora