#but there's just perpetual emotional distance and i don't know how to go about it

[msdk-00]

i really don't understand how one can have a close friendship where the other person doesn't open up or be vulnerable at all

[naomeii]

Hooo boy, this one's heavy. Could I request Neuvillette and his wife getting into such a heated argument that she, in her frustration and exhaustion, asks him if he wants a divorce? Ashamed, she turns to leave, only for her husband, who's in tears, to hug and beg her not to leave him.

Love's verdict.

—Pairings: Neuvillette x Wife!Reader

Content : Domestic fluff, tiny bit of angst

Neuvillette and (Y/N) stood in their living quarters, the air thick with tension. The usually composed Chief Justice looked visibly perturbed, and (Y/N) was fed up with the perpetual distance between them.

"(Y/N), I must ask you to understand the constraints of my position. Personal matters should not interfere with my duty," Neuvillette insisted, his tone clipped.

(Y/N) couldn't hold back anymore. "Neuvi, this isn't about your duty. It's about us. You're never here, emotionally or physically. It's like you're married to Fontaine, not me. I can't take it anymore!"

Neuvillette sighed, "My duty is to Fontaine, and Fontaine is my responsibility. You knew this when we got married."

(Y/N) was frustrated, feeling a mix of anger and hurt. "I didn't sign up to be a widow while you're still alive. I need a husband, not a distant figure hidden behind the title of Chief Justice. Do you even care about us?"

Neuvillette's expression hardened, "This is bigger than us. It's about the people, the justice I serve. You knew that sacrifice was part of the deal."

(Y/N) took a deep breath, her patience wearing thin. "I can't do this anymore, Neuvillette. I need a partner, not someone married to his job. If this is how it's always going to be, do you even want to be married?"

The room fell silent, the weight of (Y/N)'s words hanging in the air. Neuvillette's stoic facade wavered for a moment, and he looked at (Y/N) with a mix of frustration and realization.

"(Y/N), divorce is not an option. It's not something I can entertain. My duty—"

(Y/N) interrupted, tears welling up in her eyes, "Do you even love me, Neuvillette? Or am I just a placeholder in your life?"

The Chief Justice hesitated, a rare moment of vulnerability crossing his face. "(Y/N), I—"

Cutting him off, (Y/N) took a step back, her voice shaky but resolute, "Think about it, Neuvillette. If you can't find a way to be a husband as well as the Chief Justice, maybe we need to reconsider this whole thing."

As (Y/N) reached for the doorknob, the distant sound of thunder rumbled through the air, and the room dimmed as dark clouds gathered outside. She sighed, realizing the storm outside mirrored the one inside their home.

Just as she was about to leave, Neuvillette's hand shot out, grabbing her wrist. Startled, she turned to see him, tears streaking down his face, a sight so rare it sent shivers down her spine.

"(Y/N), please," Neuvillette's voice quivered with a mix of desperation and sorrow. He pulled her back gently, and in an unexpected move, wrapped his arms around her.

"Neuvi, let go," (Y/N) said, her voice softening despite the turmoil within her.

But Neuvillette clung tighter, burying his face in her shoulder. His usually composed demeanor shattered, revealing a vulnerable side that (Y/N) had rarely seen.

"Don't leave, (Y/N). I can't bear the thought of losing you," Neuvillette pleaded, his voice breaking.

(Y/N) felt a mix of emotions, torn between her frustration and the raw vulnerability in Neuvillette's embrace. The storm outside intensified, rain pelting against the windows.

"I can't keep living like this, Neuvi," she whispered, her own tears mixing with the raindrops on the windowpane.

Neuvillette tightened his grip, his body trembling. "I know I've been distant, but I can change. Just please, don't leave me. I can't face a life without you."

His words hung in the air, the sincerity cutting through the tension. (Y/N) hesitated, her heart aching at the sight of her husband in such agony. She softened, placing a hand on his back.

"Neuvi, we need to talk. We can't go on like this, but maybe there's a way we can find a compromise," she said gently.

Neuvillette pulled back, looking into her eyes with a mixture of hope and gratitude. The storm outside began to subside, as if nature itself was responding to the shifting dynamics within the room.

As they sat down to talk, the rain outside turned into a soft drizzle, a symbolic reflection of the possibility of healing and resolution.

Several weeks passed, and a noticeable change came over Neuvillette. The once stoic Chief Justice now found himself making an effort to bridge the emotional gap between him and (Y/N). He began to express his feelings more openly, his interactions reflecting a newfound warmth.

One evening, as (Y/N) was preparing dinner, Neuvillette approached her, a hint of shyness in his eyes. "I wanted to help," he said, offering a small smile.

(Y/N) raised an eyebrow in surprise but couldn't help but smile back. "Well, don't just stand there. Grab an apron. We're making this together."

Neuvillette awkwardly tied the apron, a bit unfamiliar with the domestic setting. As they worked side by side, cutting vegetables and stirring pots, he attempted to engage in casual conversation. "Have I mentioned that your cooking is one of the things I love the most?"

(Y/N) chuckled, "You've never mentioned it, but I appreciate the sentiment."

As days passed, Neuvillette's demeanor continued to shift. He became more attentive and, surprisingly, a bit shy. He'd occasionally steal glances at (Y/N) when he thought she wasn't looking, his gaze filled with a mixture of love and uncertainty.

One day, as (Y/N) was about to head out, Neuvillette caught her by the hand. "Do you really have to go? Can't you stay a bit longer?" His voice held a hint of vulnerability.

(Y/N) grinned playfully, "What happened to the Chief Justice who used to value duty above all else? Are you trying to shirk your responsibilities?"

Neuvillette blushed, looking down, "Well, maybe I've realized there are things more important than duty."

(Y/N) teased, slipping away, "Well, we can't have the Chief Justice neglecting his duties now, can we?"

But Neuvillette surprised her by swiftly lifting her off the ground, peppering her face with kisses. "(Y/N), you're the most important thing to me. I can't let you go without a proper goodbye."

Caught off guard, (Y/N) laughed, "Okay, okay! Put me down, you goof!"

[oathkeeperoxas]

TOP GUN / Icemav fic recs part 4

Hello my fellow icemav enjoyers, I bring to you more fic recs, freshly harvested from the local fields. If I list an author below, I also recommend checking out their profile for their other works as well!

Rec list 1 here

Rec list 2 here

Rec list 3 here

Where Are You Going by @adiduck

They’ve both heard all the philosophical bullshit, of course. Poems about your soul forever seeking its other half, impassioned treatises they were supposed to read in high school English about how you know where your own limbs are, quotes from long-dead guys about physical distance but hearts taking up the same space--that kind of bullshit. Maverick never put much stock in that kind of thing--he’d hated school. It probably shouldn’t have been surprising that Ice also really did not care about the science or philosophy--they were supposed to be perfect for each other, after all. (Or: There’s a handshake in the O Club the first night of Top Gun, and the very bearing of “magnetic North” shifts permanently under Ice and Mav’s feet)

Soulmate AU!!!!! This is so cleverly put together, the worldbuilding details are delicious and so very excellent, and the characterisation is on point. A very fun and enjoyable read 💖

Polaroid Picture by @betanoiz

man, we used to be brothers. superheroes and warriors. - The story of Maverick and the important relationships in his life, as told through photos.

The author plays with form through the use of pictures in this fic, using them to broaden the story and really show the character's relationships with each other. A very soft landing that hits all the right notes.

Ever Higher by @astolat

Maybe he wouldn’t have thought of it on his own, but soon as he’d heard about it—well, it was fucking obvious, wasn’t it? There was no other way to keep climbing.

I read this the first time, had to sleep on it, then come back to digest it properly. The author fits so much into every single sentence - the plot and the reveal hit you straight to the chest, no room to avoid it.

Mach 4 Mile High Club by @topgunreacts

In a civilian bar off base, Ice finds half-price drinks, trivia, and Maverick. The drinks he's expecting. The trivia he can handle. He isn't ready for Maverick.

This is just pure fun!! The back and forth between Ice and Mav builds deliciously throughout the story, the smut is top tier, and the finale lands just perfectly.

that’s what i love (about sunday) by @gracedbybattle

For the past few years, Ice has gotten used to the silence. But their house isn’t so quiet anymore.

Established icemav and the daggers can be so so good actually!! The domestic fluff here hits all the right notes.

Decent by @lambourngb

Ice was aware of the old adage, 'Don't Judge a Book By Its Cover', but he had seen Maverick fly, and now that they were teaching together, he was pretty sure he had Mav figured out. There were lots of reasons for Mav to be insanely confident; he had movie star looks, he had gifted hand-eye coordination in the sky, and he had no discernible shame trigger. Turns out, probably all of that was true, but Mav had one more reason for his swagger.

I have been converted to the Mav has a big cock agenda. Enough said.

Take the Long Way by @kerbyfullyloaded

Five times Iceman tried to get Maverick to come home and the one time he finally did.

This and it's sequel are so full of satisfying emotion - this author has such an excellent voice for the characters and it very much comes through in the prose!

Centrifugal Motion (Perpetual Bliss) by @brendaonao3

A month after the DADT repeal goes into effect, Ice finally gathers the courage to tell Mav he wants another chance.

The pining! The second chances! The yearning that threads its way through this, oh... so very soft and good 🥺

A Box of Love by @film-in-my-soul

It's black and embossed, a medium-sized thing with a careful label facing outward— Wedding, 2014. Jackpot.

Married icemav my beloved. The established relationship is written so tenderly and well, with an understanding between the two of them that I hold very close to my heart

[agonycrossbow]

Thinking about the complete and total role reversal that must have inevitably happened after Leon and Ashley got home from Spain and how how quickly the fairy tale came unraveled as soon as they touched back down into reality.

Fairytale Leon: The strong, honorable, fearless knight who walks through fire and water and mud and shit with his head held high and moves forward, undaunted, towards his goal. Feels more like a force of nature than a man, as he leaves a trail of violence and chaos in his wake, with the blood of his enemies sprayed across his face and in his hair. He's in charge and inescapable; woe betide the man who crosses his path.

Reality Leon: Soft-spoken and almost demure, with his eyes almost constantly turned downcast as he walks to wherever he's told to go -- an unquestioning "Yes, sir" following every order. His body armor has been traded in for a well-pressed suit that seems almost too clean -- and despite having been tailored specifically for his measurements, doesn't look like it fits him right. Always seems at a distance, as though he's perpetually standing just out of reach.

Fairytale Ashley: The warm-hearted and free-spirited princess fair who keeps the light of hope burning and charms the honorable knight with her easy smile and welcoming personality. Her presence is like a home away from home, as she's fair-minded and treats everyone with respect. She's exactly as strong as she needs to be, as she's inspired by the strength of those around her -- which then inspires those people further in return.

Reality Ashley: Cold and closed off for the sake of keeping up appearances. Too afraid to show any emotion that's too strong or hold an opinion that's too controversial due to the looming consequence of potential backlash. Everything in her life is dictated by her station, forcing her into a selfish and self-centered lifestyle that sees her only interacting with her Equals.

Thinking about Leon and Ashley passing each other in the halls of the White House or at some official government event and only allowing themselves a quick second or two to look at the other as though they're just window-shopping for something that they know is forever out of their reach.

Thinking about the cognitive dissonance of "I know you and feel safe with you and want to be with you" lingering from the memory of their shared fairy tale being paired with the reality of "I don't really know you at all, do I?" and the forbidden longing that never gets addressed or resolved, causing each of them to have a certain level of identity crisis.

Thinking about how surprisingly and upsettingly different it feels when they finally take a second to acknowledge and talk to each other. Neither of them really knows what to say or how to address the other. The thought of casually putting a hand on Ashley's shoulder feels invasive and almost wrong to Leon, despite having held her in his arms so, so many times. Ashley wants nothing more than to reach out and touch him -- to adjust the lapel of his suit jacket or straighten his tie, but for some reason it feels like there's an invisible wall between them -- that, even if she were to reach out, her touch would never really reach him. Because they're strangers to each other now in a strange setting, and all of the rules have been rewritten, and nothing feels like it should.

[sapphire-weapon]

Thinking about the complete and total role reversal that must have inevitably happened after Leon and Ashley got home from Spain and how how quickly the fairy tale came unraveled as soon as they touched back down into reality.

Fairytale Leon: The strong, honorable, fearless knight who walks through fire and water and mud and shit with his head held high and moves forward, undaunted, towards his goal. Feels more like a force of nature than a man, as he leaves a trail of violence and chaos in his wake, with the blood of his enemies sprayed across his face and in his hair. He's in charge and inescapable; woe betide the man who crosses his path.

Reality Leon: Soft-spoken and almost demure, with his eyes almost constantly turned downcast as he walks to wherever he's told to go -- an unquestioning "Yes, sir" following every order. His body armor has been traded in for a well-pressed suit that seems almost too clean -- and despite having been tailored specifically for his measurements, doesn't look like it fits him right. Always seems at a distance, as though he's perpetually standing just out of reach.

Fairytale Ashley: The warm-hearted and free-spirited princess fair who keeps the light of hope burning and charms the honorable knight with her easy smile and welcoming personality. Her presence is like a home away from home, as she's fair-minded and treats everyone with respect. She's exactly as strong as she needs to be, as she's inspired by the strength of those around her -- which then inspires those people further in return.

Reality Ashley: Cold and closed off for the sake of keeping up appearances. Too afraid to show any emotion that's too strong or hold an opinion that's too controversial due to the looming consequence of potential backlash. Everything in her life is dictated by her station, forcing her into a selfish and self-centered lifestyle that sees her only interacting with her Equals.

Thinking about Leon and Ashley passing each other in the halls of the White House or at some official government event and only allowing themselves a quick second or two to look at the other as though they're just window-shopping for something that they know is forever out of their reach.

Thinking about the cognitive dissonance of "I know you and feel safe with you and want to be with you" lingering from the memory of their shared fairy tale being paired with the reality of "I don't really know you at all, do I?" and the forbidden longing that never gets addressed or resolved, causing each of them to have a certain level of identity crisis.

Thinking about how surprisingly and upsettingly different it feels when they finally take a second to acknowledge and talk to each other. Neither of them really knows what to say or how to address the other. The thought of casually putting a hand on Ashley's shoulder feels invasive and almost wrong to Leon, despite having held her in his arms so, so many times. Ashley wants nothing more than to reach out and touch him -- to adjust the lapel of his suit jacket or straighten his tie, but for some reason it feels like there's an invisible wall between them -- that, even if she were to reach out, her touch would never really reach him. Because they're strangers to each other now in a strange setting, and all of the rules have been rewritten, and nothing feels like it should.

[deathsdue]

I'm here to cry on the dash about Gerome (nothing new there) using some quotes from his supports as reference. Post is under a read more for potentially triggering content and length.

My main focuses with writing Gerome revolve around a few things:

Gerome keeps everyone at a distance in order to protect himself from pain. Like the other gen2s, he's lost a lot, and he can't take losing more. Inwardly, he's very soft, and the trauma has led to no small amount of depression.

The way he was as a child made him unable to handle the events that transpired as well as others might have (not that gen2 does not all struggle with what happened, I'm not trying to negate any character's feelings, this is just touching on why Gerome wears a mask and pushes people away)

He deeply cares for his friends and is a good teacher but doesn't believe in himself.

In short, Gerome's own worst enemy is himself. So let's get into it! And what better place to start than the beginning?

Cynthia B Support Cynthia: Liar! Remember when we were kids? We'd talk for hours and hours! Gerome: We're not children anymore. Cynthia: I know. But remember when you told me I looked all strong and graceful like a hero? Gerome: …I said that? Cynthia: Oh, yeah! All the time, actually! I'd love to hear you say it again. Hee hee! It sent a thrill down my spine when you'd tell me how wonderful I was! I love that about you! Cynthia S Support Cynthia: Remember how we'd go into the woods and play Justice Cabal? Gerome: …Vaguely. Cynthia: There was that time I pretended to be a paladin and killed all those evil goblins… You said I looked truly heroic, even though the goblins were only snapdragons. Gerome: You don't forget anything, do you? [...] Gerome: Do you remember teaching me to fly when we were young? Cynthia: Yeah, sure! You were so scared of heights you couldn't ride a wyvern! So I took you on my pegasus, and we flew and flew until you weren't afraid anymore. Hee hee! That was so much fun! I haven't thought about that in ages… Severa A Support Gerome: …When I was but a child, I often dreamed of being a warrior. And in my dreams, I always wore a mask, because… Because I thought it looked cool. Severa: LAAAAAAME! Gerome: I'm not finished! …I began to wear masks all the time, just for the thrill. But it's as you know, I don't like to reveal my inner life if it can be helped. And soon, a child's plaything became a tool for keeping people at bay. Cherche A Support Gerome: People everywhere grieved for the heroes and honored their noble sacrifice. But I didn't want heroes. I wanted a father and a mother…

As a kid, Gerome played imaginary games with his friends (which included Cynthia of all people, the most bubbly of their group, as well as Owain, the other Justice Cabal member), easily handed out compliments (i.e. spoke his feelings), wore a mask just because it was cool, and he was terrified of heights.

This is the soft, little kid that was broken by losing his parents and being thrust into an apocalypse. People all react to and handle trauma differently and the way he is as an adult is a result of how he adapted to that trauma in order to protect himself.

That he took such an extreme way to do so is really a reflection of how he was as a child — imaginative, emotional, and with aspirations of heroism. The most iconic of the changes he made is his mask.

M!Robin B Support Robin: Hmm… The mask hides your emotions from foes on the battlefield… But I imagine it also serves to hide your inner self from allies as well? Cynthia A Support Gerome: I'm not finished. You have always been a perpetual ray of sunshine in my life. But sometimes, a man like me wishes to draw the curtains and sit in the dark.

The mask is a hot topic for a lot of his supports and he typically only takes it off willingly when he's bearing his feelings - such as during a love confession. He also frequently runs away from many of his companions when he starts feeling too much and doesn't know what to do. Additionally, he even frequently lies to his companions about his mask and his feelings, deflecting or not telling the whole truth until he's pressed further or finally comes around to telling the truth.

Cynthia's A Support line is really what gets me though: The urge to sit in a dark room by himself. I don't think depression and suicidal ideation is a topic FE would generally touch on heavily or very explicitly, though it's a theme for a lot of characters I'm sure, so I interpret this as a way of hinting at the issues plaguing him. Not to mention, a lot of times when Cynthia reminds him of something he did as a kid, he's surprised to learn it. Having a poor memory for positive events is a sign of depression as well. (In fact, the one thing he prompts her to remember is something he associates as a negative memory.)

Gerome was a very soft hearted kid and without a proper support system, not to mention being embroiled in a war for most of his life, it all went downhill.

Which leads to Gerome's extreme lack of self confidence.

Cherche B Support Gerome: How skilled could I be to still fall victim to the cruel whims of fate? …How skilled could I be when I was unable to protect those I loved? Cherche C Support Gerome: Minerva, you look so sad and woebegone. I suppose it's my fault, isn't it? If it wasn't for me, you'd be living a life of tranquility in Wyvern Valley. I'm sorry that I've dragged you into yet another terrible war. …Hmm? What's that? That's not why you're sad? …Ah, yes. I understand completely. Your original mistress is alive in this time, and you pine for her hand on the reins. Cherche: …That's not it either. Gerome: Ch-Cherche?! Cherche: Minerva is worried about you. Don't you see that forlorn look in her eyes? Fire Emblem Heroes Gerome, on learning a new skill: This is much too valuable. Maybe someone else should have it.

These kinds of lines, in addition to his depression, is why I've made him a student. He could absolutely be a teacher (and I'll get into that in a bit) but he has no belief in himself. To the point that he can't even understand Minerva's concern for him; he keeps assuming her mood is somehow his fault, his shortcoming, or that she wishes she had Cherche instead of him. He cares for Minerva with his whole heart and he doesn't even think she would be concerned about him.

Despite all of that, Gerome is incredibly sharp and a good teacher. These were skills he learned because of the state of his timeline and the people he had to protect. He was certainly lucky to have survived to the end of the apocalypse, but it took skill as well.

Kjelle C Support Gerome: When thrusting with the lance, you should push with your leg and stomach muscles. You used only your arms just now. Such technique will betray you in battle. Kjelle B Support Gerome: Much better. You now place your whole body behind the thrust. Kjelle: See? I told you I would fix it. In fact, just before you— Gerome: However, your footwork is lacking. Kjelle: What's wrong with it? Gerome: You're throwing too much weight into the thrust and becoming unbalanced. It's a common enough mistake. More practice should fix the problem. M!Robin B Support Gerome: Hmph. Then the sermon is over? You weave a lovely tapestry with your words, master tactician. But talk is cheap. In the real world, where I must live, power is everything. Power is right, it is truth, it is victory. And I'll prove as much on the battlefield. Cherche B Support Cherche: You handle the reins superbly… I was hoping you'd teach me what you know. Gerome: I have nothing to teach you. I just sit in the saddle and follow Minerva's lead. Cherche: Oh, hogwash. I've seen how you two swoop and dance in the sky. Plus you handle the lance with such verve! A skilled rider like yourself has a great deal to teach me.

Cherche recognizes his skill even as he dismisses it. He also gives specific advice to Kjelle, always evenly and never with admonishment, and with clear ways to improve. He's only seeking to help.

His skill and power is something he's had to earn due to his hard life, but he takes that knowledge and tries to pass it on, he even looks out for others outside of his friend circle.

Laurent C Support Laurent: I'm here to give my regular report, as per our arrangement. Gerome: Oh, yes, of course. How could I forget? Laurent: Ahem! I'm happy to report that today everyone continues to be in good health. There have been no reported instances of brawls or other insubordination. Logistics are running smoothly, and we have sufficient stockpiles of military supplies. Laurent B Support Gerome: In your report just now, you neglected to suggest that we stock up on arrows. Laurent: Is that a particular concern? Gerome: We're likely to march within the week and can expect to encounter aerial forces. I strongly suspect we'll need extra arrows in the baggage train. Laurent: An astute observation. I shall make the necessary adjustments to the manifest.

Gerome is honestly full of contradictions, from his feelings to his abilities. He doesn't care about anyone else, but he constantly worries over his friends and the army's supplies. He's not skilled, but provides instruction on combat. He wants to be alone, but he's attentive to his friends's needs and enjoys being around them.

Before coming to the academy, he spent much of his time alone, because the army dispersed and people went back to their normal lives. His parents are due to have this timeline's version of him and there's no place for him there. However, leaving Gerome alone for an extended period is a bad idea. Losing the presence of his friends really did a number on his already fragile mental health.

I could go on, there's so much, but I feel this is already pretty long. Hopefully it was also coherent.

[creaturefeaster]

Heyy if it's not too much to ask, could you talk about Zack? And Idk... Something with Tay? (I love them, they're my life)

I gotchya!

I'll give the rundown of Zack & Taylor's general dynamic throughout their part of the story, since that seems to be in line with what you're wanting :3.

~*~

Taylor is one of the only people that Zack can't really bullshit-- something Zack really loves to do to a lot of people, mind you,-- and as a result it's something that absolutely drives Zack up the wall. In many ways, but especially in like, yknow, a gay way.

Zack loves a challenge, but he's also good at knowing the limits of people's patience. Initially he chooses to stick around Taylor because he's interested in seeing what he can get away with, and for how long. Taylor is merely a well-known acquaintance to him at the start, and his original intention after the Fault was to use Taylor's practical nature to score free food and supplies for a while without having to put in the 100% effort it would have taken alone. Even that, though, he fails at with Taylor because Taylor quickly has none of that shit with him. So they both end up equally pulling their weight.

Zack and Taylor both don't tend to keep close friends. Zack makes a lot of people think they're his friend, but his real friends would be the ones he keeps some emotional distance on (i.e. like Taylor, before the Fault). Taylor on the other hand is just a bit of a introvert and doesn't click well with most people.

That all being said, you could consider it quite marvel that they continue to stick with each other and only with each other. In a way it could be said that Zack did get to Taylor, because initially Taylor's a pretty straight edge person with rigid morals & a very law-abiding attitude. But barely a month down the line and they're off raising a special flavor of chaos together wherever they go.

It may also be that, deep down past his conscious knowledge, Taylor's favorite kind of person is just someone who can get him riled up. Zack's naughty little tricks and schemes fire up Taylor's brain, but in a way that his post-apocalyptic self kinda loves. He won't admit it but Taylor really, really loves the freedom he has in the post-Fault world. And Zack enables him so hard.

Another reason Zack stuck around Taylor was because he just thinks he's stunning, honestly. Taylor is tall, built, has flowing golden hair and a perpetual aura of mystique irradiating from his sunglasses. So that's like catnip to Zack, someone who is very openly gay & flirtatious alongside the fact. As far as they both know, though, Taylor is straight and so Zack is on a one-sided pine train for several months. (Or at least he thinks it's one-sided! ;])

Said reason above is also a driving factor of the third reason Zack sticks around Taylor-- because he wants to protect him. It is not because he thinks Taylor is a beacon of kindness, or that he thinks Taylor is necessarily deserving of protection, but really he's just like. Okay he's hot & knows a lot of stuff so let's see how this turns out. Zack could probably survive on his own post-Fault, however reckless as he may be, but he does not believe Taylor could survive on his own. And he knows Taylor would try to make it on his own because he's an antisocial hard-ass.

So anyway, a lot of their initial journey is pretty rocky. Because neither of them keep close friends often, and neither of them stick around the same person every single day 24/7, there's a lot of tension and aggression and disagreements. But the more they go on together, the more they learn about each other, and the more they save & aid each other from harm, the greater is the bond that grows between them.

Oh and you know. Some of that tension & anger in the long run may have turned into pent up desire along the way ^^. Who's to know what they get up to when they're alone later on haha. heheheoo

🐈

[twig-tea]

The La Pluie finale had everything:

The Perfect Confession

Ok listen I am not one for nonconsensual public confession but know your audience, Tien is a perpetually invisible middle child who is not afraid of public attention and he is a film major, Lomfon making him a film to illustrate his feelings got me emotional, and him then also saying them out loud!! Because my boy learns from his own and others' mistakes, yesssss.

The Perfect Apology

I was so ready for Tai to suffer from the bed of his own making this episode, and I was not sure four days of searching was going to be enough. But that apology was PERFECT. He apologized first, he explained exactly what he did wrong, and he fixed it by saying his feelings aloud, finally! I was braced for the show to let him get away with not saying it, but he did. AND the show did us one better by giving us the explanation that he was parroting his parents' bullshit, which is such a real thing and it is difficult to catch yourself doing it, so the fact that he recognized it displayed his growth before the apology too. Just, all around this was so perfectly constructed and I was so pleased. Hell yes.

Surprise Sapphics

Listen, I am always here for more women loving women. Always. And LBR it's only a surprise that we actually got Dream and Nara confirmed because I know many of us were already shipping them.

Confirmation of Other Side Pairs

IDK if anyone else was rooting for the other vet techs than me, but they shared coffee so they're married in my head now I don't make the rules.

Best Brothers Being Best

Honestly Tien could have just said "unfuck it" to Tai again in that phone call and it would have rolled up to the same thing lol I really do love how their relationship was rock solid through this entire show, even when romance was potentially a threat. They have such a good sibling dynamic, one of the best I've seen in any show, and it makes me happy whenever Tien and Tai interact.

It also had a few things that I didn't love:

Awkward Logistics

This is maybe not a big deal because Tai is a writer but he works in a job that requires him to be in the office at least occasionally and Patts just started setting up a new vet clinic in Chiang Mai. Is Tai going to leave his friends and family to work remotely and live in Chiang Mai with Patts? Are they going to have to work out their relationship anew long distance? This is going to suck a little bit, and the adult in me could not help but notice and have it damper my joy. That being said, it was something Patts said he was thinking about for awhile so maybe it's something that would have come up anyway in future.

Patts Now Believes in Soulmates

Honestly, this was the biggest damper for me and I wish they hadn't included it (but maybe they had to for the sequel, IDK). Patts originally was willing to try with Nara because he didn't think the soulmate thing could dictate his emotions and he loved her, but she would not believe him. He also was willing to try with Tai before realizing that they were soulmates. And he told Tai that he would have wanted to try a relationship with him whether or not they were soulmates. So why now are we told that he suddenly thinks he can only love his soulmate for the rest of his life? This is not just anti-narrative, but anti-Patts' previous statements. I get that he was hurting and predisposed to be melodramatic in that moment, but it was a weird statement to include.

Bow's Throwaway Het Happy Ending

Not to be heterophobic but where is her cute Northern girlie who Tumblr convinced me she was dating? Bow deserves better imho

Tien's Turn for Drama

I KNEW this was going to happen! They spent too much time making it a big deal that Tai was the only sibling with hearing loss during rain. I just want my best boy to be happy for five minutes! Considering these characters, and what Tien's already said about what he would do if given this choice, I could see this plot being interesting. Especially because Tien had to suffer, now it's Lomfon's turn, maybe. But still, just let me have this cuteness for a little longer, show!

But all of that is relatively minor and honestly what we got was so good I can forgive and forget all of it.

TL; DR La Pluie stuck the landing and I could not be more pleased!

[positivelybeastly]

💖 Bobby Drake

How likely they are to enter a relationship with them:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

(This is one of those things that kinda depends, waxes, and wanes, because the times when they were closest and would have been the best match for each other were also the times they were least aware of their feelings and what they meant. I think if ever there was going to be a time for it, it would have been right at the start during the O5 era, or pre-Utopia. Maybe the 90s.)

Would they…

Make the first move? Yes | No (When Hank and Bobby are friends, Hank evidently treasures that friendship with Bobby immensely, and I don't think he'd go for it - and that's assuming he's aware of his feelings! These two blockheads are so incredibly dense.)

Say “I love you” first? Yes | No (Honestly, I'm kinda surprised they never did say it to each other - as FRIENDS, yeah, right, but then again, Bobby's ability to be gay appears to be inversely related to how well Hank is written, so maybe they're just cursed.)

Cheat on them? Yes | No (Hank doesn't cheat. I refuse to believe that it's within his character.)

Be the jealous type? Yes | No (I could see it becoming a bit more of an issue with Bobby than others because Bobby was Hank's best friend before he was anyone else's, and that rigidity, that claim, could get territorial. But Hank's reasonable most of the time, so I don't think it'd be a real problem.)

Plan the dates? Yes | No (Hank has the brain cells - usually - so it's him. I could, however, see it being that Bobby's the one to push to go out more than Hank is, but Hank's the one to turn that desire into a date.)

Initiate the first kiss? Yes | No (Hank doesn't initiate. Initiation of romance is scary. This scares the Beast.)

Remember anniversaries? Yes | No (Hank will remember and he WILL tease Bobby about forgetting.)

BOLD WHAT APPLIES:

Their Relationship Is:

friends to lovers | rivals to lovers | enemies to lovers | still just enemies | mutual pining | star crossed lovers | old married couple | perpetual honeymoon phase | stable and boring | stable but not boring | secret lovers | best friends hiding their feelings | and they were roommates | friends with benefits | coworkers avoiding HR | one-sided affection | weird sexual tension | it’s complicated | toxic relationship | a secret affair | an actual dumpster fire | other

(They were literally roommates, by the way. Literally.)

PUBLIC Displays of Affection:

hand holding | kiss on the hand | kiss on the cheek | kiss on the forehead | kiss on the lips | cuddling | hugging | affectionate messages or comments | pet names | pictures together | no displays of affection

PRIVATE Displays of Affection:

hand holding | kiss on the hand | kiss on the cheek | kiss on the forehead | kiss on the lips |  cuddling | hugging | affectionate messages or comments | pet names | pictures together | no displays of affection

Do they stay together?

yes, this is endgame | yes but someone is gonna die tragically | something is keeping them apart | they part ways as friends | they part ways as enemies | they’re on-again-off-again | they have a super messy breakup | it was just a fling | other

(I could see this going either way, depending on Bobby's emotional maturity when they enter a relationship. Hank can be tough to handle, his brain is his worst enemy and his best asset, and that can be hard for someone to manage at the best of times.)

BONUS

What terrible pet names would they give each other?

I would like it to be noted that Hank canonically almost always calls Bobby Robert, and I write it that he drops down to Bobby if he's annoyed or feeling like he wants to put some distance - because no-one else calls Bobby Robert. That's HIS name for Bobby.

Bobby already calls Hank Hankster and Gorilla of my Dreams (gay, gay, homosexual), and I don't know what he could do to top that, tbh.

[podracerbarrelroll]

Thinking of that post about parents who relentlessly track their kids' cell phone location and internet history and every move in the name of keeping them 'safe' without their knowledge or consent. Also about the article I read awhile back about the developing social expectation that parents not let children go anywhere alone (which I couldn't find, but this one is more recent and similar).

For one thing. In the United States, violent crime has decreased since the 1990s and drug use among teenagers has gone down overall since the 1970s (skip to the charts on page 161 if you want to click through them). The world is not actually more dangerous today than it was when Gen Xers or older Millennials were kids.

But I'm sure there are parents out there who think that any chance of bad things happening means they must keep as close an eye on their kids as possible or they're bad parents. Not using every tool at their disposal makes them irresponsible, and tracking phones is just what you do today because the technology is available.

To these people, I would like to say:

How would you have felt about your parents listening in on all your conversations on the house phone and routinely going through your room and reading any diary or journal you kept? My parents did that, and I can guarantee you that it did not feel good, and I am still (in my early 30s) extremely protective and possessive of my things and hate anyone touching my phone or computer without my permission for any reason.

Yes, your kid might do drugs, and they might be a victim of violent crime. Tracking their every move does not necessarily prevent that. However, it does make it more likely they will leave their phone at their friends' house when they're sneaking out to go to a party they didn't tell you about and then they don't have that phone to call you for help. It also makes it more likely that if something does happen, they will not go to you for help or tell you about it for fear of getting into trouble.

Parental monitoring works best when parents have good, open, and caring relationships with their teens. Teens are more willing to talk to their parents if they think their parents can be trusted, have useful advice to offer, and are open and available to listen and talk. Teens who are satisfied with their relationships with their parents tend to be more willing to follow the rules. Not by, y'know, subjecting them to your own personal surveillance state.

Children are not perpetual children. They are future adults and need to develop the very necessary skills of learning how to make their own decisions. Not allowing this is how you end up calling your adult children's college professors because they've fallen behind in classes, because you've created a risk-averse, conflict-averse adult with no idea how to manage their own schedule. (This is also how you get accidental conservatives obsessed with following the 'rules', but the other post describes that better.)

On that note, you cannot control your children their whole lives. They will eventually grow up and move out when they're eighteen or twenty or twenty-five if you insist on them living with you through college. If you've never let them go to a party or have a single alcoholic drink, how the fuck do you expect them to know moderation when they're older and the consequences for fucking up are worse?

Conversely, you may get a kid that grows up, leaves, and doesn't talk to you at all. My parents literally told me that I didn't have a right to privacy because I was their child and living with them. While I do still talk to my parents, I purposely put physical and emotional distance between them and myself when I left for college, and I do not and have never gone to them for life advice or for comfort when I'm having a hard time.

And finally. Consider finding out, ten or fifteen years from now, that your child is dating someone who tracks their cell phone location at all times, goes through their phone and computer at random, and restricts where they go and who they spend time with, perhaps because this person pays more of the bills. If you've shown your child that surveillance and isolation is love, how the fuck are they gonna recognize the hallmark signs of an abusive relationship?

Even my parents expected me to get to school and back by myself, either by walking or taking the bus, from the time I was in kindergarten. I spent a lot of non-school weekdays at the public library from the time I was in middle school. So, when I left for college and moved to a new town, I knew how to take the bus by myself and how to navigate an urban area without the advantage of a car and how to deal with being around other people in public. The idea of gen Z kids lacking even that experience is a fucking shame.

[catoscloves]

What do you think about Mother's role in characters' life of The Hunger Games series?

Do you think there is correlation of their situation with their action?

Thank you :)

@curiousthg

you know i was thinking about this ask and then realised that literally most of the characters either just don't get information about their families or have dead mothers. that's rough!

so i assume this is about the Main Three (although i barely consider gale a main character) and their moms. and maybe snow's mom since we technically did hear about her as well, so she counts. i doubt i could say anything very nuanced about the role of the moms since i don't really think about them as much as the other characters and there's actually relatively little said about them and their personalities/lives, but here goes.

if we start with the obvious main character, katniss, her relationship with her mom is obviously complicated because of the neglect and abandonment. i think those are strong words especially since mrs everdeen was grieving her dead husband, and i sympathise with that since i never went through that pain. regardless, katniss does have a point: yes, mrs everdeen is entitled to a mourning period and was in unimaginable pain, but she had an obligation to her children that she unfortunately wasn't capable of fulfilling.

i don't blame or condemn her for how she acted, i think she's a good, kind, and lovely lady, but katniss was correct in believing she was in the wrong for not being there for her children. i think she was representative of katniss's fears about falling in love - losing a husband to the horrible cruel world that snow created, being left incapacitated and utterly broken, being weak enough (katniss's words, not mine) to abandon her own children. katniss carried the generational trauma of her mother's pain with her, and her mother was the reason she blocked herself from others so thoroughly and wanted to remain guarded and defend herself from emotional intruders. her mother wasn't the source of strength and dependability that katniss needed in her life, which was why katniss so often chooses to be alone rather than lean on others, especially her own mother who has broken her trust. her mother perpetuates katniss's greatest fears, and it was only with distance away from her and time in that relationship (since mrs everdeen didn't go back to twelve and we don't hear from her in the epilogue) that katniss could move on and be with someone who was willing to provide that emotional support and hope.

then we have peeta's mom, who is by far worse than mrs everdeen ever will he because of her abusive and generally terrible behavior towards others. she's mean, unkind to katniss, and physically hurts her own son. because we know so little about her situation, it's easy to assume she's just a Dragon Bitch Monster Lady since she wasn't relevant enough to katniss's story to go into more detail with, but like mrs everdeen she probably had her own struggles and human trauma and her own dreams and feelings of love. there's no excuse for her behavior but i doubt that she's just an emotionless monster. as for her role, she's an example to peeta of what not to be, and he became gentle and morally principled despite having a terrible role model for a mother.

hazelle's the only one with an actual name, and katniss definitely seems to respect her a lot - going off of what i remember from the book. katniss acknowledges hazelle's hard work for her family and her attitude of always taking care of her children. while mrs everdeen does love her children and even katniss knows that,i think hazelle was more of a role model of how a mother should behave in the face of grief according to katniss.

if you're asking about how the moms act, then there's definitely a huge correlation of their situation with how they behave. that's true for any character or real person - how we act depends on the situation and how we ourselves see fit to respond. the women, while maybe being from different socioeconomic backgrounds within the bounds of district twelve, are all in the same poor system of oppression and poverty, and their different personality types defines how they respond to that fact.

i don't remember much from tbosas, but snow's mother was supposedly a better person than him or his father. he clearly felt a great emotional attachment of love for her, and she was the only woman who made sure he felt as if he was loved. that did make a heavy impact on him, as we can see from his thing with the handkerchief. honestly, i couldn't say much more than that since i don't remember anything else from the book or the movie about the mom.

[birdmitosis]

Ship fanmix for Voice of the Cold/Voice of the Paranoid from Slay the Princess. If you can tolerate pain, can you tolerate joy? (Art credit to @phospolipid-bilayer, right here!)

Acceptance - So Contagious Oh no, this couldn't be more unexpected And I can tell you I've been moving in so slow Don't let it throw you off too far Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?) To say you're the only one breaking me down like this

aeseaes - Mahogany String his neck, would you, would you? Steer this wreck, would you, would you? Tease me, torturous, bend to your death I give in easy, hold me now I'll be reckless, not yet

Andy Grammer - Fine By Me And it seems that every time we're eye to eye I can find another piece of you that I don't wanna lose I'm just saying it's fine by me if you never leave And we can live like this forever, it's fine by me

Angus & Julia Stone - Just a Boy Girl, you make me want to feel Things I've never felt before Girl, you make me want to feel Did I say I'm just a boy? You can hold me to that

Cash Cash - Surrender I was running on an empty heart Not a trace of gasoline Trying to dim every single spark That could hurt, that could burn all of me

Charlotte Martin - Four Walls Here is the part you reach for me Say that you have no need of this Say it again, again, again, again Head up straight, I know what I'm doing Head up straight, I know what I'm doing (I don't)

girl in red - i wanna be your girlfriend Oh Hannah, I will follow you home Although my lips are blue and I'm cold I don't wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your lips I wanna kiss you until I lose my breath Oh Hannah, oh Hannah, oh Hannah, oh Hannah

Holly Conlan - OK I build up walls no one can climb And I tear them down, this process takes up all my time And now I'm confused on top of it all I was ready to lose and ready to fall But then something about the way you look at me It makes it feel okay, you make it feel okay

Jaymay - Sycamore Down I'm just a cloud, I'm not proud Of how I've been dealing with things No one's allowed into my world To see how I'm feeling If this isn't love What is love if this isn't love?

Keaton Henson - Limb And I will shed my skin Oh, to let you in So lay down your guns for me I'm only temporary

Maria Mena - Just Hold Me But if I wanted silence I would whisper And if I wanted loneliness I'd choose to go And if I liked rejection I'd audition And if I didn't love you, you would know And why can't you just hold me?

Motion City Soundtrack - L.G. FUAD Yeah, so I'm already dead On the inside, but I have learned to pretend It's the only way I have learned to express myself, through other people's descriptions of life I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless (In this department)

Of Monsters and Men - Love Love Love Yeah, maybe I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad person Well baby, I know Oh, cause you love, love, love When you know I can't love So I think it's best we both forget before we dwell on it...

Ricky Montgomery - This December Well, this December, I'll remember Want you to see it when I do It's this state in this state I'm living in It's just a little bit, it's just a little bit lonely in this home It's always colder on your own My darling I, I let the season change my mind

Sharon Van Etten - It's Not Like Take both my hands, tie them behind my back To keep me from holding, from holding, from holding But that's so unlike myself And it's not like I have anyone to hold, or do I want to? These eyes, this heart, these arms have held almost everything But not you, but not you, but I want to

Bonus: DECO*27 - The Vampire (Rachie English cover) Back and forth from good to bad in every heartbeat Let's turn that fear of yours into something sweet Acting like I just don't care and yet I'm feeling everything The distance tears me open, holding back all emotion But if I keep tempting fate then it'll crush me 'till I finally break

(All fanmixes are a perpetual WIP.)

[paradoxcase]

The Mysterious Study of Dr. Sex

This feels like an Encyclopedia Brown book set in the Locked Tomb universe. I like it. I thought the title was going to be some reference to the Sex Pal joke, but no, there is actually a character named Dr. Sex. Of course there is a character named Dr. Sex, like the whole entire reason that there's a context in this world where people are given last names that mean "six" is so that there could be a character named Dr. Sex, isn't it? Honestly, I named the goddess in my current conworlding project Sapfita and then a whole-ass story came out of that name, so I would not be surprised

The real Dulcinea sounds like she'd be much more fun to be friends with than Cytherea, to be honest. Now I'm sad I didn't actually get to meet her. I got a little confused by "alveolar walls", but no, that's nothing to do with the alveolar ridge, that's in the lungs. And Palamedes is giving her medical advice long-distance and devoting all of his studying capacity to trying to help her, and I don't know. Gideon finds this tragic, but I find it kind of weird and concerning. And a little tragic, I guess. People in this universe don't seem to experience regular emotions, but emotions that consume their entire being and sometimes I can't quite empathize with that

Honestly, if this has been a perpetual issue with the Sixth House, how did it last for 10,000 years? Was there some recent Event that caused this?

...

Sorry, I don't have anything to say here

Ok, so the way you do your administrative stuff is that people put bloody thumbprints on forms, so there's a standard attachment to clipboards that's a spike so you can stab your thumb and generate a bloody thumbprint. But like, blood is a biohazard, right? Your stabbing your thumb, and creating a open wound that's interacting with this same place where a ton of other people also stabbed their thumb and bled all over the clipboard, I'm just saying, this seems like a really efficient way to infect your entire House with HIV

Ok, that's funny

So what I'm getting is that they control the skeletons through the thermal paste and cords, in a kind of flesh magic way, rather than how skeletons are animated on the Ninth, which is more of a bone magic way? Is that also true for the skeleton that was doing the Copper Garden maintenance? Is that outside?

So volcanos can be, in some sense, alive or dead, I guess maybe in the same sense that planets can be alive or dead or undead? The definitions of thalergy and thanergy specified that they were about cell division and death, but it doesn't make sense from just those definitions that things like planets and volcanos can be thalergenic or thanergenic. All of the necromancy we've seen has to do with actual organic matter and not things like rocks

So here's the thing about dating: when you're dating something organic, pretty much always the question you're asking is "when did this organism die?" But if we think about the history of this skeleton - at some point it was a living person, and then some time later that person died, and their skeleton was turned into a construct, all this happened before Dr. Sex came back as a revenant and possessed the skeleton, we'll say that was X years before that happened. Could be 5, could be 100, could be 1000. Dr Sex came back 200 years ago, so the date for these bones should actually be 200 + X, and not 200, unless X was very small and the skeleton had been created very recently at that point, but no one ever mentioned anything like that. They are measuring thalergy and its dissipation here, but that's not really that different than measuring the dissipation of carbon, is it? Except that you don't have to destroy your sample when you use necromancy, I guess. Would a reanimated skeleton continue to produce thalergy and thus register as a living being as far as the dating is concerned? I kind of think it wouldn't. Did Dr. Sex possessing the skeleton re-up its thalergy somehow? But he was also dead at that point

Also interesting that there's a lot of singular they in this story, even for people who have gendered names or are otherwise referred to by gendered terms

So I guess we're meant to assume that this puzzle sphere was some object that Dr. Sex had requested in order to test thalergy levels?

I guess maybe we'll find out something about the author and intended recipient of this letter in Harrow the Ninth?

[threewaysdivided]

💖👻🧠 (is this too many??)

Not at all!

Fanfic Ask Game

👻 What is one WIP you think you may never pick back up?

Funnily enough, I don't have any of these! The closest thing is my bird painting, which has been languishing as a result of my moving house twice and just not having the time or table space.

I know myself well enough to be aware of my tendency towards completionist over-commitment to stuff. I tend to hang back on actually starting projects that need more than a couple of weeks unless I'm ready to actually see them through. WIP-projects mostly stay in my head or as...

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

There's actually couple of these in a fairly developed state that have stayed bunked in my brain either because I didn't feel like spending the time to turn them into prose with all the connective tissue, or because they work in that liminal dream-sequence brain-space where I can blend from one scene to the next and hop in and out of flashbacks for context but I would have no idea how to structure them as an actual story that makes coherent sense to someone else.

A run-down:

YJxDP Brother's AU story concept #1, building on this starting point. Dick finds out from Jack Haley that he has an older brother, only to discover that Fentonworks is gone and the trail is completely cold. Meanwhile Wally finds himself getting drawn into the life of a new classmate at Keystone High, who seems to be estranged from his family, is perpetually tired and a bit standoffish... and who looks an awful lot like an older Dick Grayson at first glance (but that has to be a coincidence, right? Because Dick doesn't have any living family.) First impressions can be misleading and the more Wally looks the less certain he is that they're related but the more he notices other things. Most importantly: that this is a person who needs help and maybe a friend.

YJxDP Brother's AU story concept #2, would completely not work in writing as it would fully rewrite both canons but basically exploring the concept of "what if they DID grow up in the circus together and somehow got separated, lost contact and then reunited as heroes", going into the loss, hurt, anger, distance and misunderstandings that would come from being suddenly split apart from your only remaining family with no warning. In which Dick is sitting on the kind of vicious anger that only a deeply hurt child can, Danny has been drowning in the guilt of a broken promise for five years and a certain someone has been interfering with the mail because the timeline needed both Robin and Phantom. A lot of shouting and crying ensues. The other reason I probably won't write this one is that it turns Danny into a distinctly different character to his canon counterpart.

Danny Phantom AU where the Fentons are not malicious but are also not very good as parents due to hyperfocus on their work. Jazz leaves to try and make a safer place where she can eventually petition to get custody of Danny. Meanwhile Danny - in attempt to be "part of the family" - volunteers to participate in some tests with ectoplasm that make him increasingly unwell and eventually into a halfa whose ghost form is shaped by his parents anti-ghost rhetoric and is mostly used by them as an anti-ghost countermeasure. Even though Danny is the same person in both forms he and "Hunter" aren't treated that way, and he ends up feeling as though "Hunter" needs to conform their ideas about about ghosts (not feeling emotion, not feeling physical sensation etc) - which is not a good thing for him and inadvertently makes him a lot of enemies among the ghosts that come to Amity Park. After struggling with that on his own for a while, he eventually leaves to be with Jazz and has to slowly learn how manage being a halfa, and to unlearn most of the things he's internalised about both ghosts and himself with the help of Jazz and some ghostly allies he stumbles into finding.

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

Tricking me into complimenting myself, how very dare you! (Affectionate.)

I think it's probably best said in this quote from C.S. Lewis:

I wrote the books I should have liked to read. That’s always been my reason for writing. People won’t write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself.

That's a pretty good summary actually. I started writing Deathly Weapons because I noticed these consistent gaps in the DP x DC (mostly DPYJ or DPTT) fanfic collections at the time, where certain ideas or opportunities weren't getting used and I really wanted to see them.

Specifically some stuff that I like and/or am looking forward to doing:

Causality - I try to make it so that things have a solid in-universe reason to happen. It's totally not necessary for fanfic (its perfectly fine if a story is just an excuse to put your blorbos into interesting positions) but I like to make things feel a little bit more grounded. Especially when it comes to missions in fanfic, often times I kind of found myself wondering why the Team's covert squad was being deployed on certain missions rather than other heroes - it's just one of those things that I like to have an answer for in my own stuff.

Fair-play mysteries - I'm writing for myself but I'm also writing the story that I wish Baby 3WD could have found, and part of that is I think readers like to feel clever, not stupid. I love leaving little hints that point to stuff that's going to come up later (for example, in Chapter 18 I tried to foreshadow Nano being tied up in the cupboard behind the boss before the Team even knew a hostage was missing from the main room) - I feel terribly witty while doing it and I super love hearing when people notice. Two people left comments speculating about some character stuff that's going to go down in Equilibrium and someone else already DMed me with a correct guess at part of the final twist and I love all of you. It's fun to give people the chance to realise what's coming before the characters do.

Character specificity - this is probably more of an upcoming thing than a current-chapters thing, but I really enjoy digging into the specifics of characterisation, character motivations and character relationships. And especially when it comes to grief arcs. I don't know how successfully I'm going to pull off Flashpoints, Combustion and Equilibrium but if I can get even some of the character stuff to work, I'll be happy.

Descriptions - settings are fun and I like describing them, especially when they also set scenes and build mood. I feel like its a part of writing that doesn't see as much love in fic (again, totally fair, we're here for the blorbos) but I love doing it. The oil rig setpiece was fun, I liked giving Wayne Manor a sense of its own personality, and I'm really looking forward to stuff like the jungle setting in In the Mists, the mountains in Rituals, the night sky scenes in Enemy Lines and a lot of gentle flavour descriptions wrapping through Equilibrium.

This was fun! Thanks for playing!

[notasapleasure]

fanfic director's cut: only ever just one night!

ohhhh hohoho careful what you ask for my friend. But thank you <3

Only ever just one night - director's commentary meme

And while I'm here, a HUGE shout out of thanks to @weirdsociology-writes for reccing this fic!

BACKGROUND The first SW fic I've written in….five years! I've been noodling around very small fandoms since then. I mean like…under 20 fics total on ao3 for the main one (a Georgian film about gay dancers). And a 1980s band AU of a 1960s book series about a sixteenth-century Scottish mercenary where we call ourselves 'tiny fandom' for a reason. So it's both extraordinarily lovely to have so much engagement with this fic and also kind of alarming. To enumerate my alarm: (1) What if I haven't researched the world coffectly (see: misspelling 'caf' as 'kaf')? (2) What if my first fic for this fandom is my best and I have no other ideas to explore coherently? (3) What if I want to write more and it Grows Plot and I end up with just another perpetual WIP trailing its innards all over my ao3 dash? (4) What if I fluked out and wrote something people vibe with while in a trance, but my justification for my actions has bad vibes? However, I try not to cultivate shame, so Andor fandom, specifically Brassian fans: know that you are lovely and it's making Not Looking Down easier.

CONCEPT The fic ambushed me in a back-alley when I was still trying to work through what I did and didn't like about the show (having been immersed in Jyn/Cassian fic and Rogue One backstory when I last did SW fandom). But I knew that what I very much did like was that hug in Rix Road. I am an absolute sucker for second-fiddle characters who are just quietly waiting for an opportunity to fuck shit up on behalf of the skrunkly little creatures we call main characters. Thankless and loyal, competent and smart - not a himbo, but someone who's watching their friend get into trouble and rolling their sleeves up to wade in and help without being asked. The ones you trust to help you hide a body. Also for characters who seem…I don't know, too good to be true on the surface, but have deep reservoirs of potential for darker emotions. I could also have just said I like broad-shouldered black-haired guys who give the best hugs (Brasso. Irakli. Jerott.)

Anyway, I find the best way to explore the relationship between two characters I like is just to make them fuck. I'm being a bit flippant, but only a bit. Communication - spoken and unspoken - is key whether it's good or bad, and you can do a lot with a character's idea of themselves as well as their idea of the other person. It's a performance, it can be about getting a response, and there can be a lot of motives at work. So I wrote this fic to work out how I saw Cassian and Brasso's friendship through a long-term lens - the trust, but also the distance Cassian keeps. Brasso's concern for him, which is overlayed by his frustration at Cassian not telling him everything. Brasso going into these interactions with eyes wide open and still finding it worthwhile, because although Cassian never gives anyone everything he gives something of himself to Brasso that no one else gets. Cassian actually relying deeply on Brasso as a constant in the turbulent life he's made for himself and feeling something almost like guilt for letting himself rely on someone that much. But needing that little hit of stability too much not to keep coming back.

FIC

It's in the present continuous because I was possessed by brain worms and they insisted. I literally haven't written anything in that tense for years so…?

Well, I had to try to replicate that hug. Turning favoured scenes over and over with new words is a fun exercise. And while I am very eyes emoji at the idea of Luthen/Cassian I'm also into the idea of Cass having One Place he knows he can always go back to for safety and comfort without any sort of judgement, and that place being wherever Brasso is. Hence also the idea that, although Cassian claims it's for Brasso's safety that he won't say where he's been or who he's working for, there's also an element of Cassian preserving his bolt hole. If he keeps this relationship separate from the Rebellion then whenever the work he does becomes too much, he can always go somewhere that feels like away from the Rebellion. Which isn't exactly fair if Brasso might choose to be involved in the fight himself, were he given all the information. And is something I want to poke at properly if I can sort out the right kind of Macguffin for the plot I have in mind following up from this fic. It would encompass, in theory, Cassian moving from a state where his work for Luthen feels still like a kind of ownership/debt repayment/self-flagellation towards the kind of responsibility and service he treats it as by the time of Rogue One, where I don't think he has any kind of release valve or bolt hole or temporary place to escape/experience respite from The Cause.

All this is bound up with the idea that Brasso sees Cassian in a way many others on Ferrix don't. I think Maarva sees him, but she's too close to what she did and all the guilt and resentment around her just taking him from his home for that understanding to come without massive strings attached. And Bix, similarly, I think she understands Cassian perfectly well and she's made the conscious decision that That's Not For Her. For all the telling the series does about their previous relationship, the showing doesn't involve much pining (from my perspective), or inclination to get back together, just two people who know each other too well to put up with the other's bullshit. Brasso has that too, but with what the series gives us there's not the same kind of caveats to his understanding of Cassian. At least, that's how I see it.

Connected with 'although Cassian never gives anyone everything he gives something of himself to Brasso that no one else gets', I wanted to keep the two of them isolated from the other Ferrix survivors here. Cassian's in too vulnerable a place to face up to them all together - what's that trope, where a shapeshifter gets confused by being presented with too many things to change into? I think that would be Cass trying to maintain his armour around Bix and Bee as well - lying about the jobs he's doing and where he's been to them all together it too likely to leave him exposed. He can be selective with his information around Brasso, and he can tell when Brasso knows he's holding out and would rather he didn't, but Brasso's also not going to push too hard, because he knows that just gives Cassian an excuse to leave.

'Brasso merely nods - it's only ever just one night. The first time it happened he believed those words and afterwards, ablaze with memories of that one night, he had come to regret agreeing to it - he'd burned through the long sleepless hours between the first time and the second, convinced that he'd just learned what it was he truly wanted only to be denied any repeat of it. Then there had been a second 'just one night'. A third. Brasso had begun to understand that just one night actually meant something else when Cassian said it. It meant I trust you. I need you too much to ruin it by staying longer. I'll be back. I'll always need to come back.'

Of course, in trying to figure out how this would go as something established, I backed myself into a corner of wondering how it might have started - hence Counting on you (ugh I really wish I'd had the patience to think of better titles for these two fics). But I like the idea of seeing how this relationship came into being without ever really having been talked about, just changing bit by bit to incorporate more - as I was saying to @elwenyere, it's a ship of Theseus kind of deal, where both physically and emotionally they're scoping each other out and building on each encounter, as well as on the friendship they had anyway, but really it's just 'yes and-'ing each other without addressing their feelings directly.

I'll admit to taking a deliberately contrary stance to what I expected to be the default take on this ship - that Cassian would be more experienced, more likely to make the first move. I just prefer a dynamic in my ships where they're differently experienced and both invested in making the other feel good, so there's always a bit of a wrangle over who's initiating what. From the way Brasso meets Cassian's improvised alibi to the way he knows exactly where to find him with Maarva's message, I don't believe for one second this is a man who's shy about using his initiative. And like Cassian is, I think he's highly conscious of how people view him and his body and has learned to manipulate expectations around that - either to make himself seem less threatening or to do the opposite. It's something that's part of what they both get out of being together - no facade, Brasso doesn't need to make himself seem smaller or less threatening (he defaults to bumbling when confronted with Imperial patrols, it really takes a lot to get him swinging that brick on Rix Road) because Cass doesn't find him threatening, and Cassian doesn't need his sharp edges, or to make himself seem small in the way he does, too (I keep thinking of how those two Corpos talk about him in the bar in episode 1).

In the end, I think Cassian does believe he's not coming back. Whether because he won't last that long, or because he can't keep this reminder of life outside the dirty work of the Rebellion without the contrast hurting too much/compromising the armour he needs to do his work. And yes, a lot of this comes from pondering Cinta's attitude to her and Vel's relationship - again, if I manage to write more, expect them to be there and that to be part of it. So while it becomes clear to Brasso that Cassian thinks he's not coming back - in a different way from all the previous 'not coming backs', I think that catches Brasso off-guard. Because I think Brasso...wants to believe he would be more honest about how he feels if he really could grasp the idea of it being the last time he sees Cassian. He'd go all in if it was his last chance to do so. But without time to prepare? I think he's made too much of being the one who can let Cassian go (cf. Bix - he's always leaving) and that that's what lets him keep coming back. If you never give something a beginning how can you give it an ending?

A question I find myself confronted with regularly, 50k words in and utterly lost. Stay tuned?

[onewomancitadel]

I mean, I personally think Jaune and Cinder's interaction in Haven alone is enough to make me ship it ten times over (and it's one of the most interesting back-and-forths in the whole show with real substance behind it and not anything overly twee) but I think that there are different approaches to romance that mean some people don't 'get' the romance which is interested in character development and realising character arcs. The physical distance and disparateness of Jaune and Cinder isn't going to get in my way because you can read things they are doing and saying and believing in and things they're struggling with in relation to each other.

The thing I can't shut up about is that as soon as you read the two together, they make a fuckload of sense. Trying to intuit them separately you usually miss out on a lot, and it's unsurprising to me that people who don't get Jaune don't get Cinder and vice versa, and in a way their polarisation as characters actually makes a lot of sense, especially because your interpretation of them is going to be tied to the story's themes.

So to me, to speak on current events, the idea that Jaune has become deeply disillusioned and immersed in spiritual aridity is really really interesting because of Cinder's experience. The idea that there's this physical gulf in terms of presence but emotional similarity is very interesting to me and it makes me think about a lot of things. As I said earlier, just the fact he's accessed forbidden knowledge the others don't possess which recontextualises the world they're in is so interesting because knowing anything intimately related to Cinder will do the exact same thing.

But that's the thing, I keep writing about reverse Ozlem and Cinder's redemption and all of that and it really does run contrary to what a lot of people think RWBY is or is supposed to be, and it's interesting how that interacts with the plot developments this volume. Because it's a complete reorientation in terms of who the characters think they are and what they're supposed to do, and it's why I find Jaune's anger over being unable to straightforwardly kill Salem in V6 so interesting. It's so much more than that and it's a paradigm shift.

That's why I find Jaune/Cinder so perpetually engaging, even if it doesn't come with your requisite romantic trope of 'and then they looked at each other', though they did do that. Lol. I mean, most people right now are probably saying Jaune/Weiss is going to be thing - and I'll eat my words on glass, you should all be familiar with the fact I do try to remain humble and I accept defeat - despite how contrary it runs to the story. But in terms of pure shipping? It's an empty, facile ship, and I don't see what it offers narratively, let alone even in terms of interaction. It's got nothing on Jaune/Cinder at Haven, sorry. Even beyond that though, it offers nothing for Jaune's character development, and it doesn't speak to the themes of the story, and that's part of what interests me with Jaune and Cinder. There's so much to the ship on those terms.