#but theres like. so much more than that going on with my experience with gender

[ghastbutlikegay]

btw i love queer people and being queer

[toastsnaffler]

ohhhhh my god girl i don't careeeee

[vexingwoman]

genuine question regarding the "women are female people" post. trying to understand the radfem mindset because I don't agree with y'all on most things, but I understand your need to find safety and acceptance within the patriarchy's oppression/danger. I am female but not a woman. I was never socialized as one either. I feel like biological socialization piece goes out the window in my case. Biologically yes, I am female, but socially no one, including myself, would ever view me as a woman or place me through the same social oppression that women face, nor will I experience or have experienced any of the good parts of womanhood. I feel no desire to, because despite sharing the same biology, we are not socially the same. I feel like, in this experience, theres a stark divide between the social category of "women" and biological category of "female." What is your take on this, I'm curious?

The crucial issue here is that you’re conflating women and femininity. You say there’s a difference between women and females, when you instead mean there’s a difference between feminine women and non-feminine women. You believe women are socially constructed, when you instead mean femininity is socially constructed.

The only way you could think that your non-conformance to femininity indicated that you were not a woman, is if you believed femininity was innate and inseparable from women. This is not only an unabashed display of bioessentialism, but a reinforcement of the same sex-based roles and sexist stereotypes that gender ideologues purport to be defying. 

In case you don’t know, the concepts of femininity and masculinity were created solely to enforce female subjugation and male domination (elaboration here). Therefore, nothing is more misogynistic or in direct contradiction to the radical feminist goal of gender abolition than claiming women are defined by the very social construct created to subjugate them, rather than by their biological sex.  

I’ll be honest, I feel increasingly irritated and hopeless every time I receive these messages of “I’m not a woman because I don’t conform to society’s sexist, outdated idea of what women are.” How can you not see how backwards it is to believe your conformity to a demographic’s harmful stereotypes is what determines whether you belong to that demographic? In what other circumstances is this ever the case?

This is a genuine question: why is it so hard for you to acknowledge that you’re a gender-non-conforming woman? Why must you go through all these mental cartwheels and act as though being a woman is contingent on how others view you, or how you socially conduct yourself, or what degree of oppression you face? What benefit do you see in defining women by the social construct of femininity (hierarchical, prescriptive, arbitrary) rather than defining them as female (non-hierarchical, descriptive, concrete)? 

Much of my frustration stems from the knowledge that radical feminists and gender ideologues actually hold similar views on the concepts of women and men, until they diverge at one crucial, irreconcilable point: 

Both radical feminists and gender ideologues acknowledge the existence of regressive stereotypes attributed to the sexes. But where radical feminists seek to remove the stereotypes from the sex, gender ideologues instead, quite stupidly, seek to remove the sex from the stereotypes.

In short, I still consider you a woman completely deserving of access to women’s spaces, because being a woman does not, and should not, have any other prerequisites other than being an adult, a human, and a female. There are not, and should not be, any behaviors, aesthetics, feelings, or non-biological characteristics that determine whether you’re a woman. There are no gendered brains; there are no gendered souls. Being a woman is an innate, neutral, and non-prescriptive reality, no different than having freckles or brown eyes or hooked noses.

[uter-us]

"magic gender feelings"

hey yall! gonna clarify stuff abt this post

outside of and including radfems, there are many reasons a woman might not "feel" like a woman. a huuuuge notable one is that we live in a world where women are not valued the way men are and that is reflected in media and politics and interpersonal experiences and like every second ever. of course a woman or girl might not "feel" like the caricature, stereotype, or role that is thrust upon women. she might not feel the same way the rest of the word "feels" a woman should be. that is not "called being nonbinary," its just a normal reaction to misogyny

additionally, when radfems say they do not "feel" like a woman, its often heavy on the word feel, in that we simply are women and our womanhood is not tied to an internal ("magic gender") feeling. (fyi ik the "magic" part is j lighthearted and a joke, but the content of the message applies.) that is why i do not "feel" like a woman because i cannot "feel" something that is merely my reality. (i don't feel like i have curly hair, i just have curly hair.) most actual feelings i have regarding myself and my inner identity are merely aspects of my personality.

some comments:

->

(the person in the middle is being mean for no reason so ignore that)

i get the sentiment, and i can recognize that honestly in some ways it probably is much easier, but it's also not based in any material reality. and when denying (or just not completely understanding. im not attributing malice!) the subjugation an entire class of people face due to their sex, that is not a happy sparkly good vibe

i used to go by all pronouns and while never outwardly identified as "genderfluid" i heavily identified with it. and i do know that "vibe," and i cant describe the uniquely liberating experience it is to recognize that being a woman means nothing to my "vibe" or personality or anything like that.

i know the word "woman" takes on a lot, especially roles/stereotypes, but you don't ever have to reflect that in your actions. you can vibe with what makes you happy without attributing it to not being your observed sex. like you can legitimately do and be whatever you are doing while female and that qualifies as a woman!! theres nothing more to it!! its amazing!

when i hear radfems make the claim that "everyone would be nonbinary," it's more in the sentiment that no one 100% adheres entirely to the roles/expectations of man or woman, basically that to imply some people's "gender" or whatever IS binary is strange! not even the most tradwife or "alpha male" commits entirely to the role yk? not even they are 100% in either binary. it would be impossible, and every person inches out of these gendered expressions/performances/etc at LEAST from time to time (some more often than others, but it definitely is everybody)! so its just recognizing that sure there could be some "gender spectrum" but its far more real to acknowledge everyone is somewhere in the middle of these strict binaries than just a minor group of people. (at least that's my understanding of when radfems make that statement.)

lots of radfems used to be TRAs or trans-identified individuals-- even still have dysphoria-- and that contributed to their becoming radfems!! many radfems understand the pain of dysphoria, and their experience w medicalization and/or interpersonal experiences aid in their current understanding of gender ideology and what it means to be a woman. (also see below cuz i expand more on the other part, especially the last comment.)

the first comment i find so interesting because i think thats often the point. like often someone will claim they feel like a woman/man/nonbinary-person/etc or not, and are so sure of it. and because so much of this is dependent on the way you feel, one of the things that changed my mind abt gender ideology was j considering like, "how do i know this isnt the feeling of a woman? how do i know other women aren't experiencing this?" like even trans rights activists will state that not everyone "feels" being nonbinary the same way for example. so who's to say this feeling i feel is not also the feeling of a woman? yk? because chances are, theres a lot of other women feeling discomfort with their natal sex and perception/self-perception, and so much more!

so i'd ask anyone who says what the top comment says: if a woman is someone who feels like a woman, but you can't define or break down that feeling, how are you sure all of these women are feeling the same thing?

i consider myself a relatively patient person 99% of the time, but this is so aggravating! for anyone not in the loop, an egg is a term for someone who is trans but doesn't know it yet. hypocrisy is one of my greatest frustrations, cuz a huge TRA thing is that you can't tell other people if they are a man/woman/nonbinary-person/etc, and you always have to respect their identity, but apparently that doesn't apply now!!

its very invasive to push your own idea of what and who someone is onto them-- and no one can claim this "isn't pushing" when this individual has literally written (unsolicited) about a stranger's identity based off their own projections or preconceived ideas on what a woman should feel. and i get it, its the internet, people are gonna write whatever, but i have a right to be frustrated by it too!!

okay last one! if anyone knows where that post is or who made it, but basically i saw this post on here a while ago about how sometimes TRAs resemble some Christians. and the example was comparing something similar to the above circled comment, to an interaction between an atheist and a Christian thats something like. "I'm an atheist." "Oh, so you worship Satan?" and its like the idea that someone can't even consider outside of their view that their attempt to align you w it is entirely inaccurate, yk? like atheists don't worship Satan cuz they don't believe in him! and radfems/whoever don't have "a gender" cuz they don't believe in it (in the same sense tras do)!!

im sorry if i've come off super irritable writing this! i think im j frustrated for other reasons besides this, but i hope i don't come off especially unkind because i genuinly don't hold any hatred or discontentment w this person who made that tiktok, my point to this post is to clarify some of these comments because i see this idea all the time and when the radfem pov is misconstrued its much harder for TRAs to converse w us (cuz they arent really debating our ideas, but some other group w some other ideas). (i also dont speak for all radfems so keep that in mind too.) anyway if anyone disagrees/agrees or has corrections or needs clarification or anything feel free to reply!! :)

[lunar-serpentinite]

alright kiddos buckle up, cloud has Opinions today

let's talk about the alpha douchification of harry and baby girlification of draco, as blackcathjp so wonderfully said

i will tell you that this isnt my first rodeo when it comes to mlm ships being shoved into heteronormative gender roles. ive been in the yaoi fandom, ive been in the BL fandom, ive been a weeb since i was aged single digits. im perfectly aware of how deep in mlm ship spaces this issue is. but today's subject of interest is drarry, and why i dont like a certain popular characterisation of drarry.

first of all let's pose the question : why is harry the manly alpha head honcho douchebag dumbass jock ? why is draco the naughty bratty overdramatic babygirl princess ? why do yall feel the need to push harry and draco into these stereotypical gender roles, especially in smut ? whats up with that ?

yes harry is a quidditch guy but that doesnt automatically make him a dumbass jock ? the guy's not stupid. i wont elaborate because i and several others have discussed harry's intelligence in other posts already (will link if asked), but yeah harry's not a "dumbass" or a "himbo", at least not in the way you people love to characterise him as. hes not even trying to be a dominating presence. hell, the guy wants to skeddaddle out of situations 8 times out of 10. hes a rough kind of dude, sure, but thats more for his own protection and not out of a need to dominate or control other people. it's weird and stupid to reduce harry's character just to make him fit yalls' homophobic and heteronormative view of mlm dynamics.

SPEAKING OF THAT, what is up with people overplaying draco's overdramatic tendencies and tying it to being a sub and/or a bottom or being the 'feminine' one in the relationship ? i love my bratty subs as much as the next person (my no.1 blorbo rn is a bratty sub who BITES), but if draco's only a bratty sub because hes an overdramatic princess diva who is so, so helpless without the presence of testosterone in your eyes, you need to reevaluate. yes hes a bit helpless in canon but again he was a kid with no pratical combat experience caught up in a war. + his parents' safety being dangled in front of him who wouldnt be helpess in that scenario ?

people absolutely love to explore draco's gender beyond being masculine and theoretically i love that because i love seeing people interpret characters all over the gender spectrum but there's just something about the popular draco gender exploration that just ,,, irks me, for the lack of a better word. people make him smaller ??? than he actually is ?? more helpless ??? like the height and size difference between drarry in canon isnt that noticeable but by god do people stretch it out to infinity and beyond. to make the fem-coded half of the ship smaller and more helpless and more dramatic is, frankly, toeing the lines of misogynistic if it isnt there already.

and why is it that it's always harry who is hypermasculine and draco who is hyperfeminine ? why not have both be feminine ? both be masculine ? both be all over the gender spectrum ? whyyyyyyy do they have to be male x female coded ??? hello ?????? if i wanted a heterosexual ship, i wouldnt be here

like come on guys, theres a bunch of different ways to write mlm ships and a bunch of resources out there to help you get going. why are we still sticking with the heteronormative gender roles in this day and age ? have we not grown out of it yet ?

THIS DOESNT MEAN I DONT HAVE AN ISSUE W HYPERFEMININE HARRY AND HYPERMASCULINE DRACO TOO. i despise heteronormative gender role coding. let queer ships be queer without the lens of heteronormativity.

[ppnuggie]

Apologies for the previous asks

For the Rung ask And the slap a note ask, will you still be able to do them with human reader please? And the bots in both use a holoform, so they are the same size as the human

I'm sorry once again

　　　　　　RUNG x gn reader

　　　　『　rung ,, gender neutral reader 』

　　-> picnic date w/ rung <3

　　— fluff ,, sfw ,, lil crack ,, bro experiences sour lemonade

　　— its alr :D but please keep it in mind if you request in the future :3 i only did the rung one because i didnt rlly understand the other request . made it a oneshot ,, feel free to reblog or give any comments / feedback ! <3 i enjoy reading them and seeing my work spread !

        it wasnt quite like earth ,, but it was still nice . being here with rung and introducing him to some customs from your world . and it had been a minute since you'd last gone on a picnic . air warm with a chill breeze rustling against the organic plants covering the ground . almost like grass ,, yet less itchy and more soft . not to mention the vibrant purple color . the sky was green ,, a contrast to the rest of the planets warm colored flora . almost reminding you of halloween in a way ,, with its greens ,, purples ,, and oranges . when was the last time you had celebrated halloween ? or been to a halloween party ? you couldnt even recall how long youve been aboard the lost light ,, with how much things have happened .

" (y/n) ? are you feeling alright ?" his hand settled on your shoulder ,, voice smooth and soothing to your ears . it was nice ,, having someone to care and check up on you for once . being aboard the lost light ,, the most you would get for that would be from the medics making sure you didnt break a bone doing something silly and unthought of . " yeah ,, just taking in the sights ." you smiled to the man ,, rung ,, your hand coming to meet his on your shoulder . the psychiatrist nodded with a smile ,, picnic blanket by his side as you both started to walk up the hillside . it wasnt too steep ,, yet it did pose a bit of a challenge .

his hand slid off your shoulder ,, yours following in pursuit and entangling with his . slim fingers tucked in between your own ,, his hand more warm than yours . how such a little gesture made your heart pick up ,, feeling your face heat as you treasured the feeling . it had been too long since you had felt the touch of another ,, let alone a human . even if he wasnt really human ,, it did heal your lonely and touch starved heart . the need and want of another starting to fill slowly the longer youre with rung . its almost as if all your worries fly away ,, out the window to never bother you again .

" this seems like a good spot ,," you muttered ,, setting the picnic basket and taking the blanket from rung . " can you hold the other end ?" you asked ,, waiting for him to grab the corners . you walked backwards and started to lie the blanket on the soft grass ,, placing the basket over in the middle of it . " i've never been on a picnic before . i must thank you for inviting me ,, (y/n) ." rung hummed ,, opening the basket and pulling out the goods from inside . there wasnt much ,, just some sandwiches packed with some fruits that had been previously cut . a couple of plates and two glasses ,, a pitcher of lemonade to go with . " its nothing really ,, im just glad you even came along ." you replied ,, setting the plates out and grabbing a sandwich for yourself . rung picked one up curiously ,, interested in it . " what might this be ?"

" its a sandwich . the outside is bread and inside is peanut butter and jelly . theres other kinds if you dont like that one ." you shrugged it off ,, biting into your own sandwich . rung examined it ,, lifting the top bread up a bit before putting it back down . he took a bite ,, letting out a hum at the taste . he's only had energon his whole life ,, or other versions of energon . there wasnt much of a flavor to it ,, but experiencing this was quite intriguing for him . it made him wonder what the other things youve brought along would taste like . would it taste sweet ,, like the sandwich he was eating ?

        you poured a cup of lemonade for him ,, holding it out so he can grab it . rung didnt waste a second ,, taking a small sip and taking in the different flavors . it made his 'tongue' tingle in a bizarre way ,, his eyes scrunching up . though the tang left and he was left with a sweet aftertaste . " too sour ?" you asked with a giggle ,, forgetting that sometimes lemonade doesnt suit everyone . " is that the word for it ? then yes ,, i suppose so ." rung set the drink down and continued to munch on his sandwich . you had already finished yours ,, munching on a couple of grapes that had been packed .

        " what are those ?" rung asked as he swallowed his bite ,, pointing towards the grapes in your fingers . " theyre grapes ,, a type of fruit . try one ,," you said and placed a plump grape into his open hand . " theyre not as sour as the lemonade ,, i promise ." he nodded ,, putting it in his mouth and chewing . it wasnt sour but its wasn't exactly sweet . the crunchiness soon turn into a mushy mess ,, swallowing the supposed grape . he soon finished his sandwich ,, and looked to where you laid on the blanket . " what are you doing now ?" he asked ,, setting down beside you . your hands found each other ,, entangling once more with each other . his hand warmed yours ,, a pleasant feeling with the breeze cooling your skin .

        " looking at the clouds and seeing what they look like ." you hummed ,, raising your free hand to point at one . " that one kinda looks like magnus's grumpy face ,," you snicker to yourself . rung nodded ,, smile placed lightly upon his lips . " that one sort of looks like those ,, what are they called ? ofu ?" he raised a brow in question . " its ufo ,, and yeah it does . what if it is ?" you looked over at him in surprise before laughing to yourself . " what if they're here to abduct you ?" rung widened his eyes a bit before shaking his head . " i hope not ,," he unlaced his hand from yours and cupped your cheek . " i couldnt bare to be apart from you ,," he whispered before placing a kiss on your lips .

[catboybiologist]

hi, i have one like, question for you regarding transgender healthcare. beacause. like there are people to whom dysphoria brings immense distress/unhappiness, and any healthcare system should absolutely take care of that, for free.

but theres also people who dont feel that strongly about gender and or dont experience dyphoria, but still prefer getting/removing their tits/penis/vagina. and thats also okay, like, infromed consent and all. but im not sure where the line should be on what we (as in, taxpayer) actually pay for. like, idk, i dont have a strongly formed oppinion on this. so id like to hear yours

I know you're not from the US, but unfortunately my perspective on this will have to be amerocentric because that's my experience- so I'll talk about that perspective first, and then try to generalize it.

The American healthcare system is so wasteful in how it bars people from procedures its insane. More money is spent figuring out how to reject people from receiving monetary payments for healthcare than would be spent if you just approved the overwhelming majority of them. And this isn't even considering other ludicrously wasteful forms of spending the US government does, like the insane portion of our defense budget that just disappears into thin air every year.

So how much additional burden should the taxpayer pay? Ideally, none, because any significant reform of the healthcare system would make all of these questions moot.

But, not every country is in this situation. And there is still a question embedded in here- what is the line of providing medical care from the government/taxpayer? I don't have personal experience with it, but this is exactly what countries with socialized healthcare deal with all the time, well beyond just gender affirming care. I tried to make the parallel with abortion because its a similar category of thing. Let's call it like... "semi-elective" procedures- medical procedures with the potential to significantly improve someone's quality of life, but won't kill or severely incapacitate them if they don't get the procedure, leaving it up to them to decide whether the medical context for the procedure fits for them (I'm NOT trying to lessen how life changing these procedures are, I'm calling them 'semi-elective' as a way of denoting that two people faced with the same situation can make different decisions about it based on their personal considerations). This can apply to a lot of things, some of them almost entirely cosmetic- surgeries to mitigate a mild disability, breast implants for cancer patients after a masectomy, procedures for conditions like cleft lip, facial reconstruction after severe injury, and on and on. To me, gender affirming care falls in this category- its not cancer treatment, but it is life changing in an overwhelmingly positive way.

In my mind, it should be the priority of any government to prioritize and expand the healthcare they're able to provide, including for these semi-elective procedures. Many wealthy, developed nations have the ability to cover most or all of these kinds of procedures, even though they're entirely "elective". But yes, budget and resource concerns are very real in many places, so yes, priorities do have to be made on a national scale. This is a very delicate and interesting question, actually, and there is a lot of room for well-intentioned debate on it.

But I'm not going to answer it.

Because I think you should ask yourself something.

Why is this a question so frequently applied to gender affirming treatments, yet rarely, if ever, applied to any of the other procedures I listed above? I'm not jumping on you, because you asked a genuine question, and I'm glad you asked it. I'm speaking to anyone reading this, not just you, because this exact thing is so frequently brought up when discussing gender affirming care. And that's a double standard through and through- there's no way around that.

[horsegurlfem]

somehow we got onto the topic of surgery on the genital area in my house, and I said that I wouldn't want surgery on my clitoris because it would damage crucial nerve endings. Which was a pretty mild take I thought, but my tim housemate said that because labiaplasty exists, they've already figured the nerve endings out down there and surgery wouldn't hurt them. And I just felt bad, because that's so not true. So many procedures, even medical ones like LEEP can sever nerve endings and make it hard for you to experience the same physical pleasures afterwards. This is less true for men, because doctors apparently care about keeping penis nerves intact. Men's pleasure is important, but for women, all that's important is how we look to men apparently. But people who have had bottom surgery/ SRS have had sooo many complications where they're unable to feel pleasure anymore, and I hate that people see it as a normal simple procedure. As if elective surgery on the most intimate part of your body could ever be simple and risk free. Idk if this person has had such surgery or not, but I hope they don't take it lightly. It seems like theres this common transhumanist delusion that this sort of medical care is risk free, and that any risks are fake, or just fear mongering. But any plastic surgery or medication even inherently has risks! Even just going under anesthesia has risks! I'd love to get my tubes tied but you have to have surgery for that, and surgery has inherent risks, and doctors can mess up. And you can have complications for life. And surgery on the most intimate part of you has even more risks, so I think that people should not take it so lightly, or assume that since many people get it done that it's perfectly safe and there are no issues involved. BBLs were popular a few years ago, but thousands of women died from complications from them. I don't see much of a difference between gender affirming surgery and traditional plastic surgery, because in both cases you're trying to change the way society perceives you by undergoing risk to change your body. And for some people, the benefits outweigh those risks. But for society at large, it contributes to a pattern of people being pressured to conform or else think that something is terribly wrong with them. Idk, I think people should just be able to have the personality that they have without thinking they need to pay thousands of dollars to go under the knife to become beautiful or to change their sex characteristics. Your sex doesn't determine your personality any more than your cup size, and I wish people didn't feel the need to change just to conform.

[sporesgalaxy]

My personal experience with ADD/autism/hrt: Anxiety/depression/OCD overlap heavily with ADD/autism. "brain" medications meant for neurotypicals do not work if you have ADD because you need stimulants (try different molecules if you dont like how it feels) I'm on 80mg/week subQ testosterone which improved most of my menstrual issues (I have endometriosis) but they did not disappear until I had a hysterectomy at 10 months on T. I can't speak for the other issues you're dealing with, but your body and emotions are far more interconnected than most people assume, and gender affirming care can be both life changing and life saving. I hesitate to say you have the exact same flavor of ADD+autism as I do because theres a lot of stigma around diagnosis, but understanding my autism specifically has been integral to my ability to survive and heal. I especially encourage you to look into how autism and OCD overlap. Also, I have been following you for years now. I have a deeply genuine and intense admiration for your autistic swag. Your passion and skills are breathtaking. You are one of my favorite artists. The horrors are endless but. we stay silly.

Oh I'm on anxiety, OCD, and ADHD medication all together because for ADHD I use atomoxetine which isn't a stimulant, so I can still take the other medications and they have the intended effect.

But also I know that ADHD symptoms and medication can have a lot of varying effects from person to person, so stimulants may be all that works for some and in that case yeah, the stimulants can screw with other meds unfortunately.

And regarding how much gender affirming care can effect you psychologically: oh man, yeah, that's the wild card and also the most wholly exciting concept for me. The thought maybe some of my constant miasma of anxiety could just go away...life could be dream...

And thanks! But I'm pretty sure I'm not autistic? I've looked into it several times and I just truly don't think I have enough of the symptoms? But you are now the second person to assume I'm autistic... 🤨

There is at least one person in my family who Im preeeetty sure is autistic, POSSIBLY two, so maybe I come off that way just because that perspective is different from mine but still super normal to me & I try to take it into account when I communicate?????? shrug!!!

but also WAUGHH THANK YOU IM GLAD YOU LIKE MY STUFF‼️‼️ 🥺💚 IT'S AN HONOR 🫡

[royrockstone]

treat it as a prompt to spread your food motifs thoughts, would love to hear some (especially after finale)

ty for askinggg <333

4x10, as told through food:

Caribbean Air Clear was a big win for caroline ed truthers. caroline’s food stuff has always been a stand-in for her failure to parent— she is either resentful of having to, or unable to, nourish them; she gives food in paltry amounts because that’s how she parcels out affection. and the kids find what she does give them inedible. at the Peter Munion Pitch Dinner, she announces that the portions are going to be small, and the only thing that looks like palatable food in her kitchen (the cheese) is reserved for peter— a person she actually chose to put in her life and seems to be happy with.

in contrast to logan, who tested and punished them around food, i read caroline’s inability to nourish them as more unintentional— she just can’t do it because she feels so much bitterness about her family. i also think there’s gender stuff in there— she's not Womanly bc she can’t cook (or, more likely, have someone else cook) properly, she’s like if the wire mother didn’t even give milk. in some ways, she’s sort of girlish rather than womanly (expressing in chiantishire that she wants to like have fun and drink and fuck and gossip rather than settle into being an older woman who’s best days are behind her. and she gets along best with her girliest kid, roman.) it always makes me feel crazyinsane that the one moment In The Light that roman seems to have gotten is laughing with logan about caroline’s inability to feed them (“three muddy trout for six and fill up on mustard”) those kids had no chance to be fed emotionally or physically lol </3 

meal fit for a king! lets talk about it. it is, first of all and foremost, sweet! it’s a time when food is being used playfully and you’re expected to eat rather than expected to abstain. but theres also such a dark side to it imo, as with all affection for the roys. 1. shiv spits in the blender (in a mirror of when she spit in kens notebook in s3) which is meant to be at least a little bit degrading 2. the whole point is kind of degrading (the name sounds like something logan would do — see boar on the floor, dinner for winners and mole in the hole from the script books) make kendall eat something disgusting, not as a test per se, but as a way of humbling him just a little. food is still lowkey a weapon even when it’s sweet and silly. (also theres some kendall jesus motif— roman crowns him but in a way that’s mocking etc) 3. it’s sweet specifically because the foods are a) unwanted— the roy kids have been starved, of affection and literally of food, and they’re making something genuinely nice with scraps and b) not luxurious— it’s not ortolan or kendalls endive salad, it’s bread ends and cocoa powder. 

there was an interesting moment that mirrored my 4x08 food lore thoughts— ken offers roman rum punch when he’s still trying to woo his board vote against shiv, and roman ignores the punch, pours himself a shot, then grabs a beer. kendall is the one who locked him in a cage and made him eat cake, he’s the reason they had to eat roast chicken, roman experiences his brother as always trying to subordinate him by controlling what he consumes (which is obv a corollary to trying to control him in business.)

on the less thematic/more personally self-serving ed headcanon side of things, nothing has contradicted my hc that roman hasn’t eaten solid food since logan died. all he does is lick Peter’s Special Cheese, drink coffee (sleep deprivation won succession, actually), and drink alcohol. we see roman eat cake at connors rehearsal dinner, pre-logan death and during what he thought was a secure time in the sibling alliance, then never again. his habit of snacking on little bits of fruit and desserts has totally disappeared. tho it's not shown, i could see him eating the night of the election when he realized he won at something and was expecting to crush it at the funeral the next day. if hes becoming logan, hes allowed to eat. but the second he flames out at the funeral and realizes he is, in fact, still a dead man walking, he’d go back to not eating. trying to please the dad in his head, or to express his essential deadness/emptiness without his dad. 

ofc, we don't rlly see the other siblings eat, either (i have laser-focused Roman ED vision so something might have slipped past me. does shiv taste the breakfast tom brings her?) notably, no one ate at the Funeral Planning Committee breakfast, they don’t eat at the tailgate im p sure, i don’t think anyone touched the food at the Munion Pitch Dinner. (tbh concerned for shiv’s fetus re: having adequate calories.) i think part of it is grief and part of it is collective family Disorder and part of it is the good old competitive strong dog weak dog stuff.

i made a joke that roman is going to end up like caroline, but i kind of meant it? i can see him having no food in his house, cocktail in hand, snugly burying himself some place out of the way and fucking around with mild self-destruction for the rest of his life. (altho rather than a failhusband i think he’d try to replace logan yet again and end up with a partner who was pretty brutish or domineering) 

ty again!

[butchybats]

god my fav things about like genderswap AUs is asking like, how does this change the way the characters navigate the world or how other characters treat them, right? so like. I JUST IMAGINE LESBIAN DANIEL AS BEING EVEN MORE PRICKLY. So sick of being treated like a girl all the time, so hyper-aware of all deficits in her experience based on how sexism has treated her, MAYBE POSSIBLY MORE WARY OF CREEPS, EVEN CREEPS WHO ARE WOMEN LIKE ARMAND. Is she as unsafe, as blithely monsterfuckig??? Does he have an ounce of self preservation and survival instinct? Is it harder for fem!Armand to find her when she flees around the world?!? ALSO LIKE. I always wonder how many other characters get swapped in these situations like is Louis also a woman? Did Daniel go interview some fucking man in a seedy room all by herself???????? Where's her safety rules at I gotta know. AND ARMAND. Armand. God. I feel like the cult grinds people's personalities down so much like almost as if every COD vampire was this genderless wraith. Does that change for her? Even as a boy Armand had such a fuckd up life like HOW MUCH WORSE COULD IT REALLY GET FOR HER LOL. And like is CLAUDIA still a girl like where's the jealousy at between them? thereS JUST SO MUCH TO DISCUSS

I am so glad there’s people actually wondering about the intricacies of this because for me it’s just like woah it would be so hot if they were women hghgh but i love thinking about this so much!!!!

LESBIAN DANIEL WOULD BE SO PRICKLY!!! She is so tired of the world’s shit and I can not blame her one bit. “So sick of being treated like a girl all the time” YES!!!!!! Her gender is dyke and she’s butch <3 (this is totally not me projecting) i feel like she’d experience a lot of sexism that really ties into homophobia so she’s had to learn fend for herself and not take anyone’s shit.

Lesbian Daniel is still the ultimate monster fucker I think <33 she wants these vampires so badly it makes her look stupid! I do think she’d be more wary of Armand in the beginning though like I can not imagine her taking public transportation in the dead of night 😭 no leaping out of a taxi into traffic for lesbian Daniel lmao and I also think she’d be great at not giving strangers the time of day so it might take her a bit longer to warm up to her (but at the same time are they really strangers after hearing about her from Louis and then being locked in a cellar by her? 🤔 HGHG like they are literally uhaul lesbians)

AND I AM ALWAYS GOING BACK AND FORTH ON WHOS ALL GENDERSWAPPED!!!! Because sure ideally i love thinking about them all being women but narratively that doesn’t work out!!! Akasha’s plot line is redundant if there’s no men lol also would Gabrielle feel as estranged from everyone if there were no men?? And just like historically it doesn’t make sense </3 personally the people I would love to be genderswapped are daniel and armand (obviously lol) but also lestat and louis maybe nicki?? umm i think that quinn could be a woman too. As a treat <3 but everyone else I’m convinced could be the same I’d love to see how chaotic that story goes (also i need bianca my beloved to stay the same so that we can have venice lesbians <3)

AND ARMANDDD Armand… It would probably get so much worse for her 😭I feel like she would really really latch on to Allesandra like more than canon simply because they’re both women in the cult. Also because Armand is a woman I feel like she would need to try way harder to command everyone’s respect and fear she would have to be VICIOUS (said while twirling my hair and giggling) and while gender stuff is probably the least of her concerns when all of this is going down I think it would still fuck with her over time, especially considering canon Armand’s intricacies with gender. Would she feel like she has to perform feminity to be taken seriously? Or does she play into her androgyny (not that she has much of a choice)? But I can totally see her and Daniel having one of their big talks about gender and how they relate to it

THERE IS SO SERIOUSLY SO MUCH TO DISCUSS ABOUT THIS AND TY FOR TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT! <3 my asks and dms are always open to anyone who wants to talk about gay vampires I feel like I could go on forever about them

[ultra-raging-ghost]

What are your ideas on the differences between a human and a demon, I've seen many many many many differing interpretations and I wanna collect them all like Pokémon cards

I have a couple thoughts on this actually!!!!

So first off the big ones, physically there's a bunch of differences between humans and demons, and even between demons themselves!

To me, humans generally follow like IRL rules and shit like that, but theres additional things that kinda come with minecraft mechanics. Obviously theres respawn, but i personally attribute that to some kind of supernatural occurrences or very specific circumstances. In the case of the QSMP there's cannon vs non-cannon/in-universe deaths, but i also like to keep the Federation in mind - they obviously have some sort of hand in the life cycle on quesadilla island, with the eggs having two lives and whatnot, and being able to briefly bring them back to speak with their parents before being sent off to the afterlife. I personally think humans have IRL mechanics, but organizations like the Federation or even sometimes standalone experimental organizations can have a hand in trying to affect the human life cycle.

We have god-like beings, angels and ferrymen of death and whatnot, and i cant help but remember the Hunger Games lore where more than one life wasnt given which is cannon to the QSMP. I also like to consider the DSMP, which is semi-cannon, where they had multiple "cannon" lives (as opposed to the QSMP where they have one "cannon" life from what we've seen) and Ghosts and resurrections and all that, human life from what ive seen is not only fragile but flexible! Can be broken but also can be bent!

I got a little side tracked but point is: humans - one life (unless interfered with) Demons - not one life! (Bad follows a death/rebirth cycle/We dont know how mouse and tina operate/etc.)

Other physicalities I consider is humans are generally pretty realistically sturdy, they easily lose limbs but can wear prosthetics, and with the help of magic they can be immune to certain things (Still organizing my thoughts on Fit's recent lore - might think abt that more later).

Demons are not only sturdier (Bad/Mouse/tina/dapper/pomme/emmie having generally neutral reactions to radiation, obviously bad and dapper arent doing the best but theyre fairing MUCH better than a human would in their condition) but i like to imagine they can shape shift a little? we know the eggs generally like to hc bad as a shapeshifter that can get bigger/smaller, but he has consistent features he cant really get rid of as far as we've seen like his horns and tail. When i draw him, i generally vary his horn shape/length and change his body type and height a little in every drawing on purpose, but also i like extending this to the other demons! Mouse and Tina obviously look more human, but like cc!tina has talked about how she likes q!tina to have huge fucking knockers and i like to imagine they can change that themselves, it just makes sense to me! There are limitations to it, in my mind the horns are a consistent and identifying feature on them that they cant really change without a TON of practice. But the rules are bendy, ykwim? they can be more or less animalistic, swap physically gendered traits, shift from nails to claws, etc.

As far as cannon things go, we know demons generally have a better nose and all smell like sulfur, humans smell different to them, probably like BO or something lol

Thinking magic wise, humans obviously dont experience a ton of it, but magic is everywhere! In the air, on your skin, and thats to say i just think its funny to imagine that demons can be summoned by saying their name 5 times kjbhvjbn

Culturally, demons are definitely a lot different not only from humans but from one another and i think thats entirely based on their upbringing! I could write a lot about that, but the first thing off the top of my head is like their clothing i guess? We see from mouse and bad's clothing they tend to wear pretty gear-like clothing, i guess is how you could describe it? I like to imagine belts and buckles are something theyre used to wearing, maybe for aesthetic reasons, maybe for mechanical reasons! Maybe in hell you gotta carry a lotta small shit, or rock climbing is a popular activity, who knows!

Demon culture as well to me includes horn pride, ykwim? They care for and polish their horns, paint them for celebrations and decorate them with jewelry! Theres popular standard colors like black and white but choosing something more extravagant is common! Like matching your hair color if you have it dyed a fun color, staining it, painting it patterned for birthdays or holidays. Maybe its like homestuck purpleblood facepaint rules, where showing your bare horns is something you do with special people you trust a lot? Thats something very cute to me.

Also! Mentioned this in another post! i like the idea of Pool noodle jail!! Putting pool noodles on the horns of baby demons who cant stop headbutting eachother! thats adorable to me!!

[psychewritesbs]

hi! i didnt have much success when looking through ur blog to see if uve addressed this alrdy so apologies if u have.

i was curious to know ur thoughts on jjk's portrayals of gender, esp women/femininity. if u have particular insight from a psych or philosophy bg, id be interested in hearing that (warning, i have a v feminist critique lens)

ik u love gege's writing 😅 but his handle on female characters/femininity has given me such a difficult relationship w jjk, and its v difficult to have discourse on it. on one hand, we're introduced to sm interesting realistic women, tbh i actually never stanned a woman in manga before jjk. but imo it cant be denied that gege is a sexist writer. despite how realistic jjk women r theyre all .. halfwritten? i cant think of a single one who isnt underwritten, not fully explored, not utilized substantially in the plot, etc. and there r sm ex's of extremely minor male characters in jjk who r given more thematic relevance than frequently recurring women that just underscores that gender gap imo

this isnt solely a gege problem ik but what bothers me in particular about jjk vs other mangas is how gege addresses strength, even in the light of nb/androgynous characters, and how it feels as if gege's def of strength is inherently masculine? even despite going so far as to give us a philosophical battle shonen w diverse reps of gender and emphasizing individuality that encompasses both femme/masc traits

how a reader interprets whether a jjk woman is strong or not is obv subjective. like, i think shoko is strong but shes not depicted as such bc she doesnt have a combative technique whereas yuki maki nobara or mei r depicted as "strong" bc of their battle abilities. but it also feels as if those women r strong bc they take on "masculine" traits/mindsets whereas there r no clear depictions of "femininity" making women or men stronger. even utahime who falls into v classic shoujo girl tropes is seen as weak despite teaching her students v proficientally in battle strategy (mechamaru v mahito is a good ex of that imo), as compared to how gojo teaches his (ie dumping them into missions for experience). but thats not what gege ever chooses to highlight

femininity also doesnt even seem to make men/nb characters stronger. the ex's i can think of r naoya as a vagina (lmao), geto as a mother to curses, yuta as highly attuned to his emotions, kenjaku as yuji's mother -- those r things that support these (mostly) men's strong sense of individuality but like, those arent really the things that lend those characters their "strength", u know? like geges just sprinkling in androgyny for the spice 🧐

what is feminine vs masculine, how an individual embodies those traits in their gender identity r already complex topics. im obv generalizing a lot here, but i just, idk despite how many other nuanced philosophies gege explores, what is strong/desirable in jjk still falls down to all-out fighting abilities/physical prowess, emotional detachment, isolation, extremism, etc -- all things we harp on toxic masculinity for. and even when he critiques that, theres no cogent counter solution/way to be strong that gege provides, much less one that incorporates "femininity" and women

maybe im just asking for too much from gege after having read so many great representations of women and gender by female (and male) mangakas/writers but.. i shouldnt be 🙄 he can utilize his female characters more imo, esp when he can clearly set them up so well. and im sure theres things ive misread about jjk and its portrayal of femininity, theres plenty of holes in my thoughts ^^ anyways, this is obv not a great topic to bring up in a fandom that is so polarized between dudebros and women w unaddressed internalized misogyny.. so i welcome any and all thoughts and interpretations on ur end! (also omg im rlly sorry this got so long)

I love you feminist anon, if I may call you that lol, I just always name my anons 😂. I am so grateful that you sent this.

I feel like you've very eloquently explained the deeper reason as to why I personally can't relate to the female characters in jjk. If I'm honest, I like them and think they are fun and good enough representations or attempts at depicting the archetypes that rule their personalities.

As you say, however, some of them remain rather superficial and underutilized... and please forgive me anyone who loves them, but some of them feel like they are basically dudes wearing skirts.

No offense to dudes who wear skirts or people who like men who wear skirts or anyone for that matter. It's just that, as a personal preference, I like female characters that wear skirts, pants, leggings, etc and have equal amounts of masculine and feminine energy.

So, even if I find they are good enough, I've never necessarily loved jjk female characters, because, as you also say, I've read/seen one too many amazing and iconic female characters by other authors...

And it's not like I think you're asking for too much from Gege in wanting better female characters, it's just that, as you also said, I like his writing and I read jjk precisely because of what it's doing for my masculine psyche. Like... quite literally.

So perhaps I'm more forgiving than you are because of it? Because in all reality, there are female character moments in other manga that I have to give the bombastic side eye to, and jjk isn't one of them.

Let's taco'bout it more under the cut.

So, that said, I have to admit that you might not find a lot of "feminist oriented" content in my blog because my feminist lens is reserved for dealing with lame dudebros in my real life, and also, I honestly do not know how to wear the lens on the same level of depth as you do.

Also, since my blog's lens is depth psych, I very much focus on femininity and masculinity as psychological qualities that exist on opposite ends of a continuum regardless of biological gender. You'll see me refer to femininity and masculinity like this throughout my answer.

So because of this, I'm coming at the whole issue from a slightly different angle than you are. The way I see it, I think the way the jjk female characters are written and thematically utilized (basically everything you said), ultimately comes back to how Gege's exploration of femininity is limited by his own sense of self, and very much likely biased by the sociocultural landscape he grew up in.

I don't know how much you know about Japan, but Japan has one foot in the future, and one foot in the past...

And like... ok I'm totally oversimplifying the whole thing. All I'm saying is... Gege is a man who grew up in a man's world, sharing his view of the world through jjk, which is a story about initiation of the male psyche that is published in a magazine for young boys.

Do you see the pattern there?

So If you feel like his female characters are underutilized and underexplored, and that thematically jjk focuses way too much on masculinity and masculine definitions of strength at the expense of the feminine archetypes he does present (like Naoya as a vagina LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL)... well... to me, we're basically looking at the limits of his own relationship to his femininity, which, this relationship is in turn an imperative precursor for psychospiritual development in depth psych. More of this in a bit.

Anyways, that's my anticlimactic reasoning for why I am more forgiving about the issue than you are. To be honest, I've been so consumed exploring my masculine psyche through jjk (because personally my feminine psyche is more developed in certain aspects) that I just never focus on the female characters (that is not to mention what I shared earlier).

ANYWAYS, I fucking love what you wrote about Gege's exploration on power from a masculine perspective because you're 100% spot on. What I'll say to that is that, to me, from a depth psych perspective, that's kind of the whole point.

I invite you to look at it from this other level of perspective (in addition to the whole "Gege's psych is a product of his upbringing"): the whole idea of individuality and focusing on the sense of self as a measure of "The Strongest" is being shown as an incomplete part of the equation...

... that leaves "the strongest" ultimately feeling dissatisfied.

This is a sentiment echoed by several characters because ego strength (masculine definitions of strength) is ultimately an unbalanced measure of strength precisely because it ignores feminine values and measures of strength.

Who knows where Gege is taking jjk at this point, but I will admit I am hoping he is going to explore this in more depth because, central to Jungian thought and depth psych is the idea of the Buddhist middle path and union of opposites.

In Jungian psych this means that, when you have an unbalanced ego attitude like that, something has to give so that the pendulum swings in the opposite direction, which gives the ego the experiences it needs to integrate the "opposite" attitude. This ultimately results in a more holistic and balanced perspective for the ego.

That to say that I'm wondering if Gege is going to make the pendulum swing in the opposite direction with the whole "individuality" idea since self-preservation is a "masculine" trait. Again, psychologically, it's all about balance, and right now, the story is out of balance in favor of the masculine traits you mention.

But... to bring it back to Gege's possible limitations around his perception of femininity and how developing a healthy relationship to his anima (femininity) is a precursor for psychospiritual development... what if, on a meta level, jjk is depicting part of Gege's journey towards integrating and deepening his relationship to his femininity and what you're seeing is the beginning of that journey?

Hint hint Tsumiki! maybe I'll write about it someday

This is the thing... In depth psychology, more specifically what is called "the psychology of fairy tales", fairy tales and myths are stories that depict the thinking patterns of a peoples through metaphor and symbol. The characters in these myths and stories are thus characters playing out dramas in our own psyches. So basically, think of jjk as an objective exploration of Gege's subjectiveness (psyche).

Admittedly, even if the pendulum swings in the other direction (more feminine definitions of strength), you might find that his exploration is rather shallow or that it falls short of your expectations for what you'd like to see from a feminist perspective. And you wouldn't be wrong for it, it's just that Gege is probably not on the same level of understanding that you have about femininity because he's, like you and I, a human on a journey of self understanding and growth reflecting on how his environment has shaped who he is.

The same goes for women with internalized misogyny. Sometimes you don't know what you don't know, and coming to an understanding of it is a process that doesn't take place overnight.

So I think the only part I'll disagree with is that Gege is a sexist writer. But that's perhaps because I'm being a bit too technical in what sexist means? i.e. masc supremacy or hating women and perpetuating stereotypes. I think that rather than being sexist, his unconscious biases are showing, which is why someone like you can pick them out.

I do understand where you're coming from though, and admittedly perhaps I am being too forgiving of him.

Last thing I'll say is that I've said a couple of times that wanting for jjk to have these iconic female characters feels like an exercise in futility. In retrospect, I now understand that it's not that anyone shouldn't want for jjk to have iconic female characters, but that doesn't change the fact that jjk will probably remain the wrong manga to look for them, and that's something to make peace with because it is what it is.

So, here's to hoping we get a chance to see a deeper representation of feminine values in jjk or Gege's next manga. Because, if he's done such beautiful work with the masculine psyche, like you, I'd be curious to see what he makes of a deeper exploration of the feminine psyche.

Between you and I, I'd actually love reading a proper battle bl from Gege. And I mean proper. Like... gays so canon that even the dudebros can't deny it.

ANYWAYS... giiiiiiiirl what an ask 😮‍💨. I don't think I've done it justice tbh. But hopefully I made sense? I really do love what you wrote. It was very eye opening to see this age-old argument spelled out the way you did it. So thank you again for sharing your thoughts!

If you over have any other thoughts on the topic I look forward to hearing from you!

I rambled too so... hopefully I made sense 🤣.

[ispyspookymansion]

kora if u feel comfortable could u talk about ur gender journey and relationship w lesbianism bc sometimes im like that tweet that's like. im probably trans but i have a job so idrc about that but. ough it's scary and confusing. what if im just butch.

oh wow! well let me think. going to put this under a cut because its longish

it was a much harder path for me to get to lesbianism than to get to Gender. i had a really hard time accepting that for some reason, it took a lot of agonizing, a lot of intentional repression, a lot of misery and wallowing around words and labels and avoidance and definitions. so by the time i got through that it then opened up some gender doors for me because lesbianism is inherently disruptive of the cisheterosexual matrix, but i really, really didnt want to go through that misery again, so i just decided it didnt matter what i was as far as gender and what mattered was how i felt and what made me happy. i only became confident in calling myself trans in the last ohh i dont know, 6 months? and yet ive been on T for a year! for me the actions came easier than the wording. i tried not to stress about what i was doing and whether it was or wasnt aligned with lesbianism. i trusted in our history of transness and masculinity and found a lot of comfort in talking to other butch and transmasc lesbians about their experiences and feelings, and found such a range of experiences that felt very relevant to me

ultimately, i feel like a lesbian. i knew that and i continue to know that. the way that i feel about the people im attracted to and the kinds of relationships i want to have is what connects me to lesbianism. i dont feel like lesbianism is my last thread to womanhood. it isnt a thread to that at all. theres too rich a history of gender defiance and creation to simplify it like that, so i dont let it be that for me. i dont feel dysphoric about being a lesbian even if cis(het) people might not understand me as being transmasc as well. + butch and transmasc arent exclusive and are often beautiful beautiful copilots in dykery !

i also find pursuing what makes me feel good matters a lot more than finding exact words for it. im not really sure what my gender is honestly? it took me a long time to get comfortable/feel like i was allowed to call myself lesbian, trans, and butch too honestly. but i went through a lot less misery when i took actions First to figure out what felt right and then accepted the words that naturally followed After. am i trans or am i not trans stressed me out much more than do i want to bind or not? do i want my voice to be lower or not? do i want to try a different name and pronouns or not? and then my answers to these led me to actions and opportunities that got me to feeling comfortably trans, without putting so much questioning strain on the lesbianism i felt at my core.

+ the opposite is helpful. crossing off what am i Not and what i dont want can be a lot easier than what Am i. woman has always been absolutely not right. trans took longer to feel right which is silly versus logically if i wasnt cis, i was trans, but i had to go in steos

i guess just remember that theres not a really hard line between butchness and the transmasc umbrella (other than personal definition obviously) and you can be one or both or one now and then later realize the other feels better. try to read about butches and he/him lesbians and transmasc dykes and talk to them where you can and enjoy the range of answers and identities and give yourself grace to explore that without so much pressure on whether its one or the other. youre still you regardless of what words to use to describe it so take your time figuring out what you want before you worry too much about what that means you “are”

ALSO you dont have to be butch to be trans and still a lesbian or vice versa you can be nonbinary or genderqueer or agender or genderfluid or etc etc etc and consider those under the label Trans and also be butch! or you can be those things but Not butch and still a lesbian! you can do whatever forever!

[sharpth1ng]

I don't know if you remember but I'm the trans guy who asked if there'll be a cis version for the sequel cause he couldn't read the trans version due to some heavy body dysmorphia going on.

Soooo update I finally am able to read the trans version... You probably don't remember but the way you responded helped me a lot to come to terms with the way my body looks right now and that I can still be a man, even like this.

(Tbh for the longest time I thought I was a transphobic woman bc trans characters who hadn't transitioned gave me panic attacks and it's kinda funny in retrospect lol I was just dumb)

And I dunno I just needed you to know that you wrote that beautifully and I'm so relived and happy to be kinda content right now. I haven't felt this good about me... Ever?

And I just read the christmas scene and Stu saw Billy naked for the first time and... And he just wants and loves Billy exactly the way he is and that was so... Healing. (honestly am totally in love with your Stu anyway but this really sealed the deal).

Long story short I have been crying for 30 minutes now. Honestly tears of joy and relief. Thank you!

(I hope you don't mind me telling you this)

Hey dude I definitely remember you! Your ask was important to me, honestly, transmascs like you are some of the people this fic is for. To be clear its for everyone, but the whole reason I wrote two versions was because of my own fluctuating relationship with dysphoria. I understand why you weren't feeling ok to read the trans version, and I'm glad it ended up being a healing experience for you, you have no idea how much it means to me to hear that.

And just as a side note I don't think it dumb you were afraid you were just a transphobic woman. I think it's really easy to internalize transphobia especially when you're still processing your identity. Transphobia is everywhere and it's unquestioned, and in a lot of cases it's more accessible than trans rhetoric that's positive and affirming. I would argue that transphobia has a major presence in a lot of trans communities too honestly, that's what trans-medicalism is.

The reality is our bodies aren't worse than cis bodies, they aren't less attractive. They're just different, but the world acts like it's a fucking tragedy to have to cut your tits off and take hormones, and that's bullshit. I'm a much more attractive trans dude than I was a cis woman. Do I still have a complicated relationship with parts of my body? Yes. Do I still have dysphoria? Yes. But so do cis people.

I wrote the trans version specifically because I wasn't seeing a lot of transmasc representation (in fic or other media) that felt true and affirming to me- not that the other stuff can't be affirming to other transmascs, just I wasn't finding stuff that felt like a positive version of my own experience.

I think theres a tendency to focus on body, dysphoria, and insecurity in trans fiction in a way that isn't untrue, but also which doesn't give me the ability to engage in fun smut the same way I feel cis people get to. Cis people can be insecure about their bodies in lots of ways, I'd argue cis people also experience gender dysphoria (think cis women with small chests, cis men who have breasts or smaller penises, ect.), but it's not nearly as common for sexual depictions of them in fiction to focus on those insecurities, and on navigating the way other people react to their bodies ahead of the actual smut.

The other place I see this happening is with sexual depictions of fat people and disabled people. Our bodies and minds are positioned as barriers in sexual situations, and while realistically we may have things to navigate that cis, thin or able bodied people don't, that doesn't mean those barriers need to be centered in erotica that involves us. Cis, thin, able bodied people have insecurities and sexual hang-ups too, so why do they get to be written as having fun, positive sex without centering those things when we don't? To me it positions transness, fatness, and disability as inherently being a barrier to positive sexuality and I just think that's unrealistic.

I'm rambling but all that is to say, this has been healing to me too. We deserve depictions of ourselves that acknowledge the differences and barriers we do have (like, Billy is still scared about coming out, it's hard for him to do, thats a barrier) without making them the whole experience.

I'm really glad you're feeling better about things, and i'm really, really fucking touched that my writing could be a part of that 🖤

[vanillachaiii]

replaced mc!au drabble

based on the fic @azlrse wrote cause ive been having it burn slowly in my brain

pronouns used: they/them - mc is gender neutral (this is my first time ever writing for gn!mc sorry if it’s not too good!)

tw: reader has an anxiety attack, crying, mentions of physical pain

theres also a part where one of the brothers talks; you can imagine the one you were involved with as as the one that is speaking during that scene

“We’re looking to have another exchange program.” Lucifer said. “We’re conjoining all three realms once more to have another successful year."

Successful, huh? Tell that to President of the Student Council who now stands as the gateway for human exchange students. The wound was still healing from the hurt the brothers induced on them.

"Have you asked Solomon for another human sorcerer?" MC had asked calmly, keeping their composure for when they had asked the question to Lucifer, and to the rest of the brothers.

The eldest brother nodded. "We've already found one human student, all we require is a second one."

The human president had closed their eyes and thought slowly. Placing their hand under their chin, they pondered long and hard about the decisions and outcomes.

Should they say no, and not only risk an imbalance of the realms, but also limit the possibilities of a student having an once-in-a-lifetime experience to stay in a different realm?

Or...

Should they say yes, and risk one of their own students going through the exact same thing they went through all those years ago?

The seven brothers practically bore holes into MC's figure that was situated behind the large mahogany desk.

The guilt had never left them ever since the day that they left the House of Lamentation. Each and every single one of them knew, that deep down, they were guilty for all that happened. Pushing them away, neglecting them, not allowing them to be with any of the brothers, and worse of all; abandoning the one person that dared to pick up the broken pieces of their family and put it back together with bleeding hands.

They had done so much for them; and yet they still put them through something far more worse and painful than hell itself.

"I will need time to think this decision through. Both with my student council, and myself." MC's voice broke through the uncomfortable silence.

The brothers had exchanged looks and nodded. The room turned cold and quiet once more, nobody daring to say a single thing as MC started to write down the details they had just heard from Lucifer about the program.

"We're so sorry, MC."

Their eyebrow twitched in annoyance and anger.

"There is nothing to be sorry about-"

"But we-"

They looked up at the brother who was speaking, glaring them dead in their eyes as they slowed their speech.

"This was simply a proposal, was it not? I ask that you keep it that way." MC demanded in a low tone.

The brother that had spoken closed their mouth, and shied away from the crowd. Of course they would still be upset. Asking for a demand this huge from the one they'd hurt was practically like asking for death on a silver platter.

“Are you planning to have three human students again? Or are you going to do the two students like you should’ve done before?”

They all deserved that jab.

“The King and I have stated only two exchange students will stay for one year.” Lucifer said, crossing his arms over his chest. “The exchange program only hosts two students from each realm for the entire year.”

The President started unimpressed. “I do hope so.”

More silence filled the room as MC started to write more words in their agenda.

After a while, they finally finalized their request and placed it in their folder.

“I will get back to you as soon as I can once the council, the Dean, and I have all come to a conclusion.” MC spoke, the stern and cold look still etched into their facial features.

Lucifer stood up after they did, the rest of the brothers standing as well to say their farewells to MC for the first time in so long.

“You can take your leave.” MC said, opening the drawers of their desk and finding a place in the drawer for the papers that were exchanged.

As the brothers said their ‘thank you’s in silence, the door finally closed with a click, and they finally let their tears fall from their eyes.

After all those years, the President thought they could be strong.

But their pact marks still burned into their skin.

The memories that were carved into their brain never left.

The nightmares from that night, the evenings before, never left.

The days spent crying, they never stopped.

The days spent in spite of hating the person they were in the past, it never faltered.

They had become the epitome of what their past self failed to be, and yet, they merely crumbled at seeing the brothers once more.

They were hopeful, for a sliver. But they had built their defenses for years.

Sorting through the folders, MC's fingers brushed upon an old framed photograph that was shoved to the back of the space. It was of all the brothers, the king and his butler, the angels, Solomon, and themself in the middle. Smiling. Grinning. It was their birthday in the Devildom.

That was when everything was still perfect. When everything was still fine.

Gripping the frame in their hands, they let out a choked cry and hurled it across their office; the glass shattering on impact when it had collided with the bookshelf.

They fell to the ground, holding their head in their hands and curling into a ball as hiccups and fat tears escaped their burning eyes.

“I was a fool to expect anything from them anymore.”

And yet, while they were all alone in their office, the seven brothers stood outside.

Guilty and ashamed.

What had they done?