#but this is also partially why i feel like its so important that ppl that arent transmasc and believe in transandrophobia need to say so

[creepedverse]

I think the mods? mentioned that not everyone in the cast is slender sick right? who is or isn’t if this hasn’t already been answered if that has then,,, how does everyone that is slender sick and if the cast that isn’t were slender sick act???

tommie is infected with slender-sickness. when he gets slender-sick, things get blurry and hazy, almost like all of his senses are shrouded in a thick fog. his movements are deliberate, but not of his own accord; while he's usually on autopilot, when tommie is slender-sick he isn't the one at the helm of the ship. he enters a fugue state, and what happens during it, as well as how much of it he remembers, depends entirely on what the faceless man wills it to be.

Dia is not infected. But if Dia were to get slender sick to the point of proxy level it would make her extremely aggressive. She would find any and all reasons of other ppls actions to align w her moral code of “only kill those that hurt others”. The sickness would twist her mind and make her lash out even on her friends. She’d keep herself cooped up in her studio drawing & painting all sorts of graphically gore induced scenes. Her craving for Justice warped as she becomes extremely paranoid to the point of thinking even sweet little Bonnie is against her

Tobin is very Slender Sick and is a proxy (unwillingly). The symptoms he experiences is hostile paranoia, outbursts, coughing fits, nosebleeds, nightmares, pounding headaches, hallucinations, and just an overall feeling like he's losing control/going insane. It comes in waves and depends on factors like stress, how close he is to the forest or other sick people, and how active Slenderman is. When he goes "proxy mode" (AKA when Slender decides to use the boy as his acting hand) he completely blacks out, doesn't have a clue what happened. He'll wake up in dirty gas station bathrooms coughing over a sink, in the middle of the forest with graveyard dirt crusting his shoes, or in some run down motel room with blood on his hands. He never knows who's it is. He also is sort of like Jay from Marble Hornets in terms of obsessively looking into Slenderman and trying to find answers. Tends to dig his own grave yknow

Tali is infected but the infection is dormant, her symptoms are very mild/non existent. She experiences some symptoms when Tobin's symptoms act up, or if people around her are sick. She'll sometimes vaguely see Slenderman from under flickering street lights at night or across the highway standing amongst the trees, but she doesn't think much of it. When she experiences the sickness, it's mostly a dazed headache, coughing, maybe a nosebleed if its intense. Nothing too worrying though, just loses her head a little bit.

Arthur is infected, but his sickness seems to be partially tamed by the medicine he takes for his Tourette’s. Because of this bizarre phenomenon, Arthur’s body physically tries to reject the Slenderman and his effects, which results in him coughing up blood and his hair falling out and turning white. Any way Arthur’s body can, it tries to shed the entity from itself, because it has enough awareness to, if that makes sense! However, the medicine only helps so much. Arthur can still be influenced by the Slenderman. Arthur’s personality becomes a lot more confident, his actions a lot more volatile and dangerous (no regard for his own safety.) While he is still pretty conscious in a slender sick state, his memories and thoughts are all scrambled, jumbled. When it comes to others, Arthur has an easy time remembering who someone is to him if they elicit a strong emotion, whether that be positive or negative. For example, Arthur would go out of his way to protect one of the group because, while he can’t remember exactly why, he knows they’re important for some reason because of the strong emotions he feels for them. He also becomes a lot more prone to tic attacks/being jittery.

Bonnie is infected, but she isn't a proxy cuz the infection only weakens her. She caught it at a young age since her orchard is near the forest.

When she's actively sick, she starts off very panicked, crying, and hyperventilating till she eventually becomes almost zombie-like. She's super lethargic, throws up blood, stumbling all over, but she's always trying to attack whoevers closest. Reaching for knives, guns, and throats. but it's really easy to just push her head back and keep her at arms length...

Bonnie remembers her sickness almost like a foggy dream.

scout is infected and has been pretty much her whole life!!! shes not a proxy or anything but she used to 'sleepwalk' all the time as a kid like waking up dazed in the forest at night or super early in the morning which rlly freaked her out LOL she'd walk barefoot back home lost n sobbing. now she lives more in town so shes further away from the forest n her symptoms rlly calmed down... UNTIL. she got dragged into serious slender business by a certain someone (tobin) and all her symptoms started acting up again LOL mostly paranoia n freaking out a ton, scratching at herself, hallucinating her veins going black, or just spacing out, 'sleepwalking', going into a fugue state etc etc ^_^

Shannon is slendersick, she inherited it from her mother. Her mom was pregnant while having the sickness, and Shannon strives to know more, yet doesn't dare to search for the awnsers just yet. Her symptoms involve randomly passing out and awakening in a different spot, blood stained hands, so she is also an unwilling proxy. Frequent nosebleeds and fatique too. The permanent wound on her arm due to her past with the medical cult, is the first place weirdly black vines start to spread across her body, the normally bruised color turning pitch black. Interesting here is that her plushies have no involvement or duty to slender, the only thing they love and cherish is Shannon and will protect her no matter what or who.

[limited-fish]

Should I put some of my WIP on ao3? because I really want feedback. (Friends are too busy to read or give very vague feedback lol)

If you're interested in stories with unique world building, dragon-adjacent creatures, gender trouble, time travelling, shape shifters, many unreliable narrators and gods with bad tempers from whom magic users gain their power, then you may enjoy The Divided Door (working title) (may also be under The Analogy of the Divided Door). And yes, the two main characters are both trans.

Fiorel, a low ranking faerie, is forced to work with Jassid, a seemingly normal human tailor, while trying to uncover who killed nar father, why the eelems disappeared and why no new fae are being made. Meanwhile Temmin, a powerful sorcerer and his apprentice, Olia, daughter of the Emperor's favourite Imperial Hunter, are intent on ridding the world of barbarians, fae and monsters. Fiorel and Jassid's search for the truth takes them to weird little towns, forests deeper than glaciers, sprawling cities, wide open plains and far underground, each scene bursting with characters to help or hinder their journey.

It is still a work in progress and the plot hasn't completely solidified (and neither has the world building if I'm being honest) but that is why I need some one to help iron out the kinks (or put some in if needed). If anything is unclear, please tell me so that I can try to make it more intentional.

Trigger warnings include

- cheating

- blood mention (I haven't written any gore yet but it will probably be present later)

- fictional racism

- child death

- sex mentioned (m/m, m/nb, probably more later)

- possibly transphobia

- death

- murder

- torture

I'll have to check that this list is complete, but if its on ao3, the tags on that should cover everything.

Some characters use neopronouns (more accurately, their culture and language does not consider gender that important) so if neopronouns annoy you this may not be your cup of tea. Fiorel uses nai/nam/nar.

Fae is just the word I'm using to describe the undead shapeshifting servants of the penjagai, the demiurges, guardians of nature. It has very little to do with fairy tales although they are not completely disconnected.

I'm slightly worried about people and AI bots stealing my ideas - and whether it will be less viable to publish if I ever finish it. That's not a big fear however, as I've read Joy Demorras work and it seems she had no trouble getting published. Another anxiety is obviously people being callous or hateful with their comments but I am sure my mutuals will be lovely.

I have worked on it for about two years now, on and off and has many influences, one of them being Discworld although I am aiming for maybe a different tone.

Remember that all of it is subject to change.

My ao3 handle is limited_fish so it shouldn't be too hard to find... I just have to find the courage to upload it.

Hope you enjoy 😁

🐟 Signing off and hoping I can find a fabled beta reader 🤞

Corey 🖋️ヽ⁠(⁠｡⁠◕⁠o⁠◕⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ

(he/him)

PS I would especially like ppl who are native Greenlandic to help me out a bit because everything revolves around a people group that are partially inspired by real life Greenlandic people. I need to do more research (I've only read Miss Smilla's Feeling for Snow and am not sure how accurate it is especially considering the guy who wrote it isn't native Greenlandic.) so if anyone could help me out, I would appreciate it 🙏

(This people group is also partially inspired by the Romani people having made a long journey from India to Europe. The Kutkuallahns (may change name later) travelled from the equivalent of the Antarctic where they had lived for thousands of years to a large southern continent, where they had to change their way of living quite drastically as they were no longer in a perpetually freezing climate. Again, I need to do more research and probably consult with anthropologists, but if you have any ideas for customs that might continue even once they are in a different climate, that would be awesome.)

PPS I know I use too many parentheses.

[sketching-shark]

Do you like the sun and moon allegory that the show push for swk n LEMH n to a lesser extent how the fandom r pushing it futher by including mk as the star??

I dont rlly get why that of all symbolisms gets to b hammer in the most. My feelings for it is v much went from neutral to dislike bc it box in swk into this sorta narrative that ‘oh things were easy for him n hes so bright!” And oh poor macaque he got stuck in the shadows of swk bc he the moon! Like huh?? Definitely didn’t spurred me bc of how some ppl were quick to equate “sun” as what it mean in sun wukong name.

I just rlly don’t like this inclusion to the whole LEMH v SWK. I got more to say but this just it for rn soo thoughts?

Monkie Kid spoilers below

asdfrgerwredsff well as the local "guy who gets stupid angry at how completely western canon and fanon refuses to engage with the og classic true & false monkey king arc" I can't say I'm a fan anon. And yeah the automatic equation of the "Sun" in Sun Wukong to the English word "sun" was a bit goofy if understandable at first (we all work under particular assumptions based on the cultures and languages we were raised in after all), but now in a lot of ways it seems to stand as one more example of how many people in a dominant culture won't take the time to even do a quick google search to see what a word's meaning in its original context was.

But aside from that I personally don't feel like this sun and moon allegory & the underlying insistence on a close relationship is doing either Sun Wukong, the Six-Eared Macaque, or even Qi Xiaotian any favors...I've given my thoughts about this in other posts, but a quick summary is that even though Monkie Kid appears to have veered away sharply from the interpretation of the Six-Eared Macaque as a living manifestation of SWK's worst aspects and made him more of an independent character, his ongoing violent obsession with the Monkey King still means he has basically 0% traits or things in his life that aren't defined by SWK in some form or another. Everything from his apparent goals to his artistic expression is focused on the Monkey King, and given how thoroughly he hates him in the show's present well that is not a good situation for anyone to be in. In regards to SWK himself, the decision to give his and LEMH's relationship more importance through pushing the sun and moon allegory also has been a pretty big part in the presentation of the Monkey King as a worse and worse of a person. Because in Monkie Kid LEMH was originally introduced as an antagonist, but the route that's been chosen partially to make him more sympathetic was to repeatedly frame SWK as a betraying power-hungry bastard, just like LEMH claimed in his shadow puppet play. So now it's like we started with an image of SWK as genuinely heroic, but as he keeps making disastrous calls in the present and and information about his past comes out it's like him as a sun wasn't so much about providing life-giving warmth as it was about blinding and burning everyone around him, with the show itself being like "psych! turns out SWK lies all the time. psych! his plan to stop the Lady Bone Demon was indeed hot garbage. psych! actually all he ever does is hurt those who loved and trusted him. psych! it's been hinted that even Qi Xiaotian in his deepest and darkest truths is now convinced that SWK is nothing but an agent of chaos & destruction & he's terrified he'll turn out just like him." And then of course Qi Xiaotian is there having been repeatedly traumatized not just by the main big bads but also by LEMH repeatedly beating him up and also by the disastrous consequences of SWK's carelessness & bad judgment. So. Lmao.

Now of course I need to note that there's still a lot of unanswered questions about what precisely happened in the past from SWK's perspective, whose answers may indeed help clear up this toxic morass that is the current dynamic between SWK, LEMH, and Qi Xiaotian. And chances are good I'm forgetting more positive stuff or making the context appear worse than it actually is. Even so, I think you can point to the "the hero and the warrior were like the sun and the moon" as being one of the main starting points for the "SWK actually sucks and LEMH is the main victim of his terribleness" thesis that seems pretty popular in fandom and increasingly in canon. Again, I might just be carrying too much of a negative nancy pessimism about all of this, and of course it must be acknowledged that the overall situation is more complicated, but at least to me as it currently stands the sun and moon allegory seems to have not accomplished much except flip the "good" and "evil" designations between SWK and LEMH (X_X)

[ex-princessvania]

AUGHGA the people have spoken. good god i hope this makes sense:

cole death symbolism is fairly well established i think? but here is a list of a lot of the different parts of it just for reference. one thing that stood out to me the more i thought abt it was that his becoming a ghost and s10 “death” both have him come CLOSE to dying, but never actually crossing the threshold. i think i made this post a while ago just talking abt that phenomena in relation to cole.

ALSO in relation to cole and death (which i see ppl talk abt but not necessarily as part of the overall death symbolism he has which i think is interesting) is the older-mirror scene in s5. the writers later made this scene foreshadow his ‘disappearance’ in s5 which. was not done particularly well lol, and so it can easily be reinterpreted. if we assume that, on a narrative level, this scene is not explaining his ability to disappear, but is actually foreshadowing his death. well.

it’s kind of unclear how old everyone is supposed to be when they see themselves in the mirror?? because they are legos but like. they are certainly not super old, which (if we are continuing on the assumption that cole dies before everyone else) means that cole very specifically dies young.

lets come back to that in a minute i have to take a quick tangent about cycles. also something i feel is well established, but its important for background info. one thing ninjago does A LOT of is have its main characters repeat things. both things they themselves have done AND ALSO things their parents/ancestors have done. think nya becoming the sea the same way nyad did, lloyd having to fight the overlord in a never ending loop like the fsm, etc.

the whole deal with cycles and generational trauma etc etc when specifically talking abt cole is centered on his mom; he does almost exactly everything his mom did before she died in s13 (adjusted for the situation) and of course has her element. if this extends to his actions, it could certainly also extend to his death. i think this is more evidence to the idea than anything else? like cole dying young is a continuation of the loop unintentionally created for him by his mother.

to actually return to the point i was making, cole is surrounded by death. he almost dies a couple times, but his death is stopped partially or entirely by some other supernatural force. based on this he could be seen absolutely as a psychopomp/grim reaper, but because of both the s5 symbolism and his mom, im really more inclined to say that he is more doomed by the universe to die at some point. now this is really me speculating and tbh just making things up, but i think this does lend credibility to the idea that the universe itself is keeping cole from dying at these points (s5, s10) because there is some point in the future that the universe has literally decided is the time that he is Going To Die.

and like why??? what is so significant about that (theoretical) death that the universe is literally changing the laws of physics to stop this man from dying? what is so important about this point in time that the whole world is bending over backwards to make sure it happens?

going to get emotional now but like! cole being the first to die of everyone is so crazy to me! cole who is the leader and the oldest and the most mature and the one trying so hard to keep everyone together who dies first, and dies young! just like his mom!! in a world where robots come back from the dead every single year and the children of gods live forever there is one guy who has a point that he can never come back from. despite evading death he is surrounded by it; he cant die yet because you cant fight destiny!! your time will come bitch!!

anyway tldr; i think that cole dies young just like his mom because the universe loves him and has big plans for him. or maybe the universe just cares about perpetuating the cycle whos to say.

[butch-bf]

Imma be honest i don’t understand the hate against that anon, one of your followers saying they (don’t know their pronouns) should shut up instead of talking about that transition that didn’t quite satisfy them. I think it’s quite violent to tell ppl who had partial or even total regret to shut up when that must be a terrible thing to live... idek if they’re detrans or not, they didn’t mention that so I guess not? But even for someone detrans, why r ppl suddenly losing compassion for someone who’s going through distress or potentially another layer of dysphoria?

Personally idk what I should do next because like u I wish my voice was more masculine, lower etc, and I feel like it doesn’t fit my personality. Don’t laugh at me but I feel like I cannot top with a fucking Mickey Mouse voice (it’s not like that but close enough in my mind). also I have some sort of chest dysphoria (don’t like seeing them when I’m wearing shirts but weirdly okay with them when I’m naked and/or having sex) and so back to what I was trying to say/ I like to read about all the experiences that can exist so I can better take my own decision. I could have surgery on my voice too, it might be enough for me? and I feel like sex without my boobs would not be as fun (sorry if tmi, that’s one thing I needed to get off my chest, pun intended) and I need to understand myself better. Some prefer to wait and be sure before making the right decisions while others like to jump right in. It’s def understandable if u (ppl generally) don’t want to see ppl like anon but personally I like to be exposed to that sort of stuff instead of it never crossing our discussions and spaces, it’s healthy. Is it just me feeling this way?

hiii! i do agree with you on that one, which is why i told that anon that i was glad that they shared their experience with me (which i actually was, i was happy to get their insight from something like that). but at the same time, HRT is something i feel very strongly about and i’m 100% sure of it, the people who follow me are tired to know my opinions on that topic. and in that specific day i was struggling a lot with my dysphoria so i wasn’t on my best moment while answering that ask. but i do agree with you, my blog will always always be a hate-free space and i do not agree with that in any way. i do feel it’s important to read about experiences if you’re having doubts and thoughts about something permanent on your body, but in my case, i have zero zero doubts about HRT and sometimes it’s tiring to explain the same thing over and over again. i understand your point, and i also understand that anon’s point; which is also why i hope you guys understand my point as well.

at the end of the day, HRT is something that i WILL do and its not up for discussion. im really comfortable with my decision and i hope that the people who love me support me in my decision. because it will happen whether they like or not. 🫶

[pepprs]

um no of fence but HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....See More

[eroticcannibal]

Second attempt at sending this because as I was typing it it deleted my post and would let me control z it back or even retype it in the window lmao broken new post editor. ANYWAY,,

Im really happy you are so vocally chill with the transabled people doing their thing because like. I have an invisible Issue and dont feel like I belong in the physically disabled community because I -just- have scoliosis and one leg shorter than the other. If I stay in a narrow window of exercise(not too much or too little) and use a shoe insert I very rarely have any level of back or hip pain. Generally speaking, most pain I experience is more my own fault I feel because I was a idiot and did too much bending over or was lazy and didnt do enough partial curl-ups per day to keep muscle that keeps my hips in the right position. I choose to be in pain I guess, as its a choice to do those things, so it doesnt feel like it would count enough to the people who yell if you -just- have fibro or something else super severe and recognized as heavily disabling you're on thin ice to call yourself physically disabled.

I dont feel safe identifying as physically disabled online or offline because its not -enough- for a lot of people. Thus it feels wrong to buy a cane just because some days im dumb and cause myself pain or rarely I have a flare regardless of what I did and I cant bear weight for very long on that leg at all or without pain and that just doesnt feel like enough.

But like if ableds can have canes then maybe I can too.

I am very happy all this posting has made u feel good but I have to stress. And I get why u think otherwise but what you are describing is a very severe physical disability that has a huge impact on your life. Like. Your spine is fucky! Spines are important! Thats a huge deal! And like. Having to stick to a narrow window of activity to not feel pain is a huge deal! having to do specific exercises to not be in pain is a huge deal! Most people aint dealing with that, even other disabled ppl!

It is clearly taking u a significant amount of effort to live relatively pain free, and that is what significant physical disability is. Thats the best any of us get working hard to be sort of ok.

I can understand not feeling safe identifying as physically disabled but thats not even about ur actual disability, most of us feel that way at some point no matter what we are dealing with. Ive known people spending most their time in wheelchairs who can come up with all kinds of excuses as to why they need one but are totally not disabled. Thats just part of living in an ableist society. But I promise u there are countless physically disabled people out there who will welcome u and will understand why u feel like this. I promise u not everyone is going to judge u. Every one of us has dealt with that judgement, and most people do not want to inflict that onto others.

Also pls don't think u are stupid or dumb for causing yourself pain and don't feel like u dont deserve aids because u caused it. Part of living with disabilities is weighing up the pros and cons and sometimes choosing living over symptom management. And no one is perfect, we are all allowed to fail at symptom management.

Please get yourself a cane. Put some nice stickers on it. Treat yourself and give your body some love and care.

[ranboo5]

whats 'the clip' and knifetrick?

Augh. Under the cut for shipping discourse and p/dophilia ment (nothing graphic or specific). Gets long bc I discuss my thoughts on DSMP shipping in general. You are setting me up fr anon

Some quick vocab -

intimacy here is used to refer to. Well. Any kind of intimacy between characters, of any sort, as an umbrella term /r, /p, and /qp here are used as shorteners to denote "romantic," "platonic," and "queerplatonic," both as adjectives And as verbs ("to /r" = "to portray romantically") shipping here is used to refer to any focused examination of intimacy between characters

And some clarity that Should follow from the essay next but may not - """anti-antis"""" and RPF writers delete forever

The Clip is from one of if not the? most recent Discord stage(s) Mr Live has done (which I missed when it was live RIP) wherein he issues a hard ban on shipping him ("do not ship me, in any way, with anyone!") which would less influence c!beeduo (which has been portrayed/stated to be romantic AND nonromantic both conflictingly for a while until being confirmed unconfirmed several months ago, that being the last was heard) without its direct invocation if he hadn't also cited for the reason as being underage ("'Cause, one, it's straight up pedophilia") which is! a) immediately applicable to At Least his DSMP character, Partially and b) while not Strictly True (should b obvious that portraying a relationship within the bounds of what it is in canon and in a nonsexual way is not That, and /r-ing c!beeduo etc was possible to do Appropriately again by remaining w/in the bounds of canon) is Clearly Indicative of the fact that baggage-wise it IS associated with people being fucking creeps

This Really complicates things bc like okay the apparent solution is "lol just don't /r it" but it's really like. A Worse issue than that bc like.

Okay the reason shipping in terms of fictional characters is a Different Bar is bc it's an examination of Intimacy and certain lines exist in certain dynamics of intimacy that Isn't Shown (which is the whole Within The Bounds Of Canon thing) which is important in a medium like DSMP because of the smaller gap + more personal relationship b/w character and streamer. Examining intimacy beyond th bounds of the consent that has been established in that regard is Weird at best and Violating And Creepy more often and, As Mentioned In Ranb's Stage, Literally Evil at worst

Which is why writing abt like. QPR or platonically intimate Techno and Philza (characters) is smth that is fine because that's smth that has been shown and repeatedly stated onscreen; it's in the bounds of canon n thus within th bounds of what the streamers've consented 2 be done with their characters. But writing T3chza making out or whatever is fucked up because it's smth that's beyond those consent barriers

And the thing is right

Slapping a /p on T3chza makeout doesn't. Make it less violating

Like what you CALL romantic is not the measure or whether it's past those barriers yk? And if it's indistinguishable, if it's in extrapolative territory that is Past The Bounds, it Does Not Matter how much you /p it EVEN IF IT IS TECHNICALLY PLATONIC y feel? Like at the end of the day placing a moratorium on some/all forms of shipping is placing a moratorium on certain examinings of intimacy

And okay 2 go back to Mr Live and his character. What it implies taken in context w/ older portrayals of c!beeduo and said by invoking smth that both evokes Really fucked up baggage (that does unfortunately exist btw I'm sorry if you didn't know that but People Really Do B Fucked Up Abt Beeduo) AND applies to his character is a revocation of consent to examining deep intimacies:tm: with his character, which is gonna apply regardless of the nature of that intimacy (even if nonromantic)

Like I don't /r c!beeduo myself, do not, never have, but I talk to people who have and have consumed content where they r background /r; I also don't think it matters. Like I don't Actively /r it and I don't Actively Not /r it because imho w/ the intimacy regarding c!beeduo that is plot relevant and character important whether that intimacy is /p /qp or /r doesn't really matter. I don't consider myself Less of a c!beeduo shipper than someone who /rs them because that would be dumb as hell and while none of the content I've made* is Intrinsically or Intentionally /r it certainly can be read tht way as much as it can be read /qp or /p. It's be dumb and hypocritical of me to like, dunk on ppl for /r-ing c!beeduo when I'm also invested in these two and my tonetags r not gonna suddenly Delete the picking apart I've done of the dynamic @ hand

Which Has Been. Within Bounds Of Canon. It's been what's been shown (sometimes to my great distress. There is a reason that the :canon_beeduo: emote looks the way it does) Directly Onscreen and in general keeping with the tone n intensity/directions of what they've Done With The Characters

HOWEVER

As mentioned up there. Revocation of consent

It makes. Full sense 2 me that Mr Live wants to place a moratorium or fullon ban on shipping his characters perhaps where he wouldn't have before because of the Unfortunately Very Extant trends of people being Fucking Weird about shipping his characters AND of using them as a Thinly Veiled Excuse to ship HIM, which. I should not have to explain why shipping real people is fucking abhorrent

THIS creates a problem which is a. Bit of a vacuum in interacting with what is a facet of c!Ranboo's arc, decision making, and character. Like you CAN have c!Ranboo w/o cbeeduo but you Can't Really have his plotline without examining c!beeduo. And as I mentioned earlier: even if your examination of c!beeduo is fully platonic, the significance of it To the plotline means that any examination of it and its relevance to the plotline and characters IS gonna be an examination of intimacy, which. Regardless of it's platonic, Is Still Shipping

Unless some HARD retconning happens it leaves this like. Hole in an aspect of c!Ranboo's arc and decisionmaking and it's very. Uncertain? God. Fucking months ago I was already kind of :huh. Does he know what the fuck he's doing: irt c!beeduo and desperately wishing for things to be cleared up and now it's only That Much Stronger

NOW. KNIFETRICK, FINALLY

Knifetrick (or, as it’s actually listed, Bishop’s Knife Trick) is a fic about "Ran and Jackie from The Pit TFTSMP" in a "canon-typical ambiguously romantic relationship." As you can tell from the scare quotes, especially if you've seen me vague, both of these are, to put it politely, Doubtful. I've read the fic; I will not be sharing my opinions because that would be neither productive nor responsible (I will just say I can't recommend it and leave it at that) but I WILL say the following that Is relevant to the conversation:

Ran's and Jackie's characterizations respectively have very little to do with characterizations from The Pit, and bear a dollar-store-version resemblance to tropes and personality motifs found in ESPECIALLY fanon c!beeduo, especially later in the fic. I would not go so far as to say they are Intentionally Literally Ranboo and Tubbo but they are transparent expies and were clearly written at LEAST unintentionally w/ c!beeduo in mind (esp since. Ran and Jackie barely interacted in The Pit), and for a readerbase that, as far as I can tell, is HUGELY dominated by /r c!beeduo shippers. Like. Sorry. This is off-brand c!beeduo.

The dynamic between the two is pretty unambiguously romantic, also; despite what the fic's white knights claim, romantic tropes and implications/motifs/imagery from at LEAST chapter two, and is very much explicitly romantic by the most recent chapter.

FROM CH1:

"And now, with raised eyebrows and a pursed lip, the newly named General Jackie observes Ran in such a way that makes the enderman’s skin crawl. Ran reminds himself that this kid, as short and harmless as he may look, is trained to kill. [...] Jackie narrows his eyes and tilts his head a little, as if he’s trying to read in between every one of Ran’s imperfect scales."

FROM CH2:

"It makes Ran’s skin itch with discomfort. [...] 'That actually doesn’t explain much of anything at all,' complains Jackie, and he pops a few croutons into his mouth with one hand. 'Tell me what you’re thinking, pretty-boy.'

"Ran feels his face flush, no doubt mildly glowing green.

"Yes, that was the other thing. The unnecessary compliments to his physical appearance.

"They don’t happen very often, and don’t seem to have very much meaning or intention behind them— Jackie often speaks like an unthinking kid— but when they do happen… they’re embarrassing. [...] It’s annoying how the rug is pulled out from under his feet in these moments when he’s 'embarrassed'. Like the conversation see-saw has temporarily shifted weight in the general’s favor."

I am not going to include excerpts from Chapter 6 because it's just the entire chapter.

I WILL SAY, HOWEVER, STEPPING ON THIS SCORPION BEFORE IT STINGS: they are not written in an RPFy manner and I don't think there's any grounds, including Vibes, of accusing Knifetrick of being like. Closet truthing or whatever. Also, while I think there's certainly Some Weirdness ESPECIALLY around the reaction, the romance itself is Not written in any way I'd call weird or problematic pre-clip; it's nothing inappropriate or like Weirdly Fetishy or whatever. Knifetrick is not #problematic or anything and I don't have beef with like the concept of liking it intrinsically; if I thought it was like. Abhorrent I wouldn't be sharing excerpts lmao dhjfnhdsbvdnfjh. Hence: if anyone uses this post or anyth like it to send harassment or bad faith ANYTHING to anyone involved with Knifetrick I will hunt you down in the fucking night even if it WAS #problematic that'd be the LITERAL OPPOSITE of productive and as it stands it's Literally Not. Essentially: Knifetrick is a (questionably-written /mean) fic using Ran and Jackie from The Pit as a vessel for a large chunk of the dynamics and headcanons of fanon /r c!beeduo in particular

And again, I would not call it problematic in any way (aside from the disingenuity of the insistence that it's TOTALLY UNRELATED TO BEEDUO and TOOOTALLY WASN'T INTENDED TO BE ROMANTIC GUYS like own your shit please)... IF it weren't for the advent of The Clip, which is calling in2 question the Entirety of the problem of /r-ing any variant of c!beeduo or any of Ranboo's characters at all

I really do not have an answer for this tbh. I genuinely wanna hear from the streamer on this more specifically because I like,,, I got no clue where 2 go from here? Do I just consider an arc retconned? Was it an issue of speaking abt a troubling subject kneejerk wise and I'm reading too much in2 it?

I just. I dunno

Tl;dr (AT LONG LAST)

- The Clip is a clip of a Discord stage where Ranboo (streamer) loudly explicitly decried shipping in a way that implicitly applies to characters he plays - This would be all well and good but is rendered complicated by the plot relevance of c!beeduo, which does not stop being shipping if it's /p'd due to it still necessarily being an examination of a particular intimacy in a way that is in canon hard to distinguish the /p, /qp, or /r nature of - Bishop's Knife Trick is an AO3 fic centered around using TFTSMP characters as /r c!beeduo expies which is not a bad thing in and of itself unless it also is covered under this moratorium - Things remain unclear until and unless we get clearer word from streamer, but considering Mr Live seems to be allergic to clarifying anything abt c!beeduo this is doubtful

*very little if any of the content I personally have made 4 c!beeduo has been posted publicly, for related reasons. You May have seen it if you're in servers w/ me, depending on Which Ones

[thespoonisvictory]

is it just me who hates how much the reddit is like THE place to go for predictions and rankings and whatever bc those guys clearly never understand whats going on. their logic is, well, if u put two good players on a team it will be a good team, without putting team dynamics and communication styles into account and i dont think their predictions have EVER been fucking correct so why do ppl act like its any form of trustworthy and knowledgeable forum???

I made my team predictions in about 15 min without thinking about the team dynamics cause I was rushing, and they were easily the worst they've ever been for it. team dynamic is important you guys.

however- I don't really think we can blame reddit for being inaccurate, for three main reasons:

1. to know throughly the play style, history, and communication style of each player, in order to be able to guess the team dynamic and how they'll mesh, is something that just isn't practical for all 40 players if you like... have a life.

I guessed initially that wilbur and tommy would have a less than stellar mcc dynamic because I've been watching wilbur for two years, tommy for over a year, and seen almost all of their collabs. But if you asked me how specifically solidarity and shubble would do together, for example, I might have the vague impression they'd get along off of the bit of content I've seen from them, but that's it.

truly accurate team diagnosis would take a person who literally watches and analyzes every player, and that would be a full time job, not a fun subreddit. while stats aren't accurate, they're a lot quicker and often give a ballpark. the simmers are great friends with good communication, but that's not going to balance out their individual stats.

2. mcc is at least partially luck based! stuff like unlucky team placement in sky battle, bad loot in sg, and random things happening (that were designed to happen) in any game can completely change your score in it. hell, the games being played vastly differ based on chance, and that alone is going to fuck up any predictions on some level.

it doesn't always have to be "fire in wilbur's office" levels of insane, but stuff like two times in a row wilbur being screwed over by the last game being sg, something he couldn't have controlled, is normal. the point multiplier itself throws things off, because certain skills like pvp or movement might wind up becoming much more important.

3. also- stuff like outside circumstances or how players are individually feeling can impact in ways we won't know until after, or maybe never. dream came in with a level head and calm demeanor today, and that undeniably was a big factor in getting the win that many people, having watched some of his past performances, were banking on not happening.

sidenote: I've never seen tumblr be that accurate either lmao

basically: reddit is bad at analysis, but even if they weren't, I don't think they'd be making accurate predictions either way

[calangkoh]

What do you think is the difference in Al’s characterization/development in 03 vs. BH? Which Al do you prefer?

i could be totally wrong about everything im about to say. this is all my takeaway, and its going to differ from other people’s.

i think the main difference is in 03 al is the deuteragonist and in bh al is just a few steps above side character. In 03 al is as important as ed and has a lot more say on things. he acts more like an actual brother by butting heads with ed and speaking up more. bh al most of the time comes across as a sidekick. bh al’s character development isnt a big thing because theres not much TO develop when he’s more of a supporting role vs in 03 where he has many established flaws to be expanded on.

i am not criticizing bh here, and its not something im mad about in the slightest. but it is why i prefer 03, because the appeal of fma for me was always the brothers, and 03 focuses way more on the brothers (their growth, their struggles, their relationship, etc), ironically, more than brotherhood which has a wider cast and world it divides its attention on (and i like a wide cast and big world as much as an intimate character study, it just so happens in fma’s case it was always the brothers that captivated me over the world, so naturally the show that zeroes in on the brothers as opposed to zooming away from them more and more is the one i prefer).

03 al is rougher around the edges, has more obvious flaws, and his development seems to be about becoming more decisive and proactive and less passive, with a heavy emphasis on survivors guilt and the effects the armor has on his psyche. it spends more time giving al the attention his horrific situation deserves.

in bh, al is a sweet and supportive brother who serves to motivate ed and be useful to the plot when he can with his body. his development seems to center around accepting how useful his body is? which good for him, but illustrates my point of bh having its characters be more like set pieces. al only gets development in scenes where he can move the plot forward.

i love both als. bh al is easier to love because he’s very “nonoffensive” and “unobstrusive.” hes sweet and kind and has funny moments and is just an endearing boy. its impossible not to love al. 03 has the same qualities but with more of a challenge because 03 actually gives him substantial flaws to overcome. 03 al can be harder to love sometimes because of his flaws, because he makes mistakes and acts like an idiot and gets angry and is wrong sometimes. but he’s a much more deeply-written, well rounded, dimensional character for it.

but yknow sometimes a simpler and more clean cut character like bh al is what a story needs, and what the audience needs. a black and white wholly Good character who inspires us and simplifies things for us in impactful ways is just as valuable as a flawed and complicated one that makes us question ourselves. i love both als, i think they are both fantastic. obviously i prefer 03, though.

i think in terms of personality differences, and this is just my interpreation of their characters (and my interpretion of bh al could always be way off since i dont remember details of bh as well as 03), if they met youd be able to quickly see that 03 al is more outspoken. Even if 03 al is still the rational calm and observant one to eds impulsivity, he still has opinions and is attempting to broaden them. hes more inclined to question things, offer new possibilities, reach out to other people for connections, all for the purpose of understanding things, in my interpretation. Bh al is more strictly an observer. both are introverts, but 03 al comes across more extraverted because he reaches out more to find answers and will also actively converse and discuss with people, while bh al is almost all quietly thinking to himself.

03 al at the end of his journey is also noticibly rougher. bh al is still the big idealist and softie. hes smily, always beaming, always excited to indulge in life. 03 al is like that too but more often feels fake, because it partially is. theres more sadness behind the same smile thats on bh al’s face. bh al’s smile is bright and happy and cheerful but 03’s masks longing and regret. bh al is much less confrontational but he is much more sassy and snarky, now confident enough to embrace that inner snark and “dam im real done with ppls bullshit but im still a nice person so im not afraid to throw some shade.” 03 al is actually confrontational. he actually is able to get up in your face and tell you off (or if youre someone he cares about, lecture you to take better care of yourself because dammit life is too fragile and he wont stand idly by letting shit happen in front of him any more—hes very much like winry in this sense). hes snarky, yes, but his snark is more strictly for joking and when it comes to conflict he’s straightforward and direct.

Edit: not to say 03 al IS confrontational—hes still a sweet boy who will avoid it, but just by comparison to bh al he’s less afraid of conflict when its necessary. like “i hate conflict and will avoid it because i dont like to hurt other people but i WILL confront people if its necessary, even if i dont like doing it” while bh al is “i will avoid conflict at all costs but you WILL endure my snarky tongue if youre getting on my nerves, but if it actually bothers you and could potentially start a legit fight ill obviously keep my sassy comments to myself.” important to note they both still give everyone the benefit of the doubt and trust everyone is good at heart and no one wants to do any harm, and always have that assumption in their interactions. altho again, 03 al is more inclined to be paranoid “yes i will give everyone the benefit of the doubt but doesnt mean im not watching my back cause i dont trust so easily anymore and i dont want to be manipulated or taken advantage of ever again”

[palmett-hoes]

Do you have any fan casts or strong takes/feelings on the foxes’ appearances? Fandom tends to use the same Pinterest models, which feels wrong to me.

i do in fact! i've actually been meaning to make a post about how i choose to write all of the foxes' ethnicities anyway

but yes i absolutely agree that the typical pinterest model types u generally see on edits is not how i see any of them. nor is reece king or froy gutierrez or lucky blue smith one of my FCs for anyone

for a lot of them i don't necessarily have a single specific FC so much as i have like,, a general impression of features that i will see on various different people, who all may look wildly different from each other or who may not even look how i see the character as a whole but do have a specific feature i associate with them. mostly it boils down to the Energy i get tbh and that's just a Feeling i cant even explain

fun fact im a tiny bit face blind so that might account for some of why i'm so all-over about this

may as well go chronologically. some of them i definitely have more thoughts on than others

1. Dan

ethnicity: Afro Native (Sioux)

features: medium dark skin. buzzcut, killer fade. she often styles it in waves. she's very butch, wears a lot of basketball and cargo shorts, tank tops and flannels and jerseys, hiking boots. skinny but muscular, with a very rectangular body shape. defined jaw. probably like 5'4 or 5'5

FC/Energy: sometimes i get some dan energy out of janelle monae but more butch. lotta dan energy out of samira wiley. lashana lynch

2. Kevin

ethnicity: a lot of things tbd, but he's pretty multi-ethnic. i like the idea of kayleigh being half- or a quarter-japanese in addition to irish because it gives her more of a reason to go to japan for her undergrad. wymack is from d.c. which is a majority black city for its actual residents, but i also like the idea of him being Pasifika/Hawaiian. HOWEVER - and this is pretty important to my read of kevin's character - he's white passing, and has been mostly treated as a white guy who tans his whole life, like occasionally asked if he's italian maybe. learning that his father was a Distinctly Not White Man was a big shock to him.

kristin kreuk, lindsay price, phoebe cates, and marie digby are all half-asian actresses i base kayleigh on

i suppose i base his story partially on broadway actress carol channing, who revealed publically that she was a quarter black when she was like 80 years old. though maybe wentworth miller, a biracial actor who knows his father is black but also doesn't know him, is more accurate to kevin's story. then keanu reeves is a white passing actor with asian ancestry

also none of these people look anything like how i picture kevin lol. kevin is just like,, a guy. handsome ig. but kind of in a CW character kind of way

actually

kevin looks exactly like young jason momoa

3. Andrew

ethnicity: kayin/karen from myanmar

features: fat and muscular, very wide and heavy. this blog is basically all andrew body type refs. medium-olive skin, has a bit of a greyish tinge that makes him look a bit eerie or unhealthy. deep set, droopy eyes; looks so tired. flat face with a low-bridged nose. crooked teeth, especially his canines. natural hair black-ish but he bleaches it light blond. has the beginnings of martial artist punching callouses in his knuckles

FC/Energy: holy shit the characters i feel have Andrew Energy are all over the place. pedro pascal. babe ruth (yes fr). oddjob (harold sakata) from goldfinger. the jinn (mousa kraish) from american gods. gaear grimsrud (peter stormare) from fargo. takeshi kovacs (joel kinnaman) from altered carbon. and i wanna be clear, it's these characters specifically, and generally NOT the actors outside of that specific role. except pedro ❤️

4. Matt

ethnicity: cuban

appearance: matt has more of an Energy than specific features to me rn. that energy is Warm. he has that Warm bro jock dude energy. kind of a marvel hero build, hunky and muscular. very rectangular face. has this haircut:

5. Aaron

i get to cut myself some slack and not go AS in depth about aaron because he and andrew are identical twins

ethnicity: kayin/karen from myanmar

appearance: similar build to andrew, less confident and casual posture and body language. less apathetically murderous and more emotive expressions. better teeth bc his mom took him to the dentist. yes also bleaches his hair

celebrities: probably a lot like the difference between the characters and the actors. andrew is the characters and aaron is how the actors actually look. idk ive never looked at someone and thought 'hey! looks like aaron!'

6. Seth

ethnicity: have been going with half-vietnamese. considering looking into various south asian possibilities like pakistani

appearance: string bean build. that's all i have to offer

7. Allison

ethnicity: allison's very up in the air for me. she and seth are the two foxes i feel fine with being white, but im committing to having no white foxes sooo. i would say i generally see her as either half-middle eastern or chinese

appearance: plus sized and hourglass shaped. heart shaped face. taller, like 5'8 or 5'9. she has a pretty fraught history with her appearance and her parents payed for/pressured her into getting a nose job to have a 'prettier' nose. she also bleaches her hair blonde. she gets it done at a salon tho the twinyards do it in their bathroom

FC/Energy: elle king and nadia aboulhosn are my main inspos for her, esp body type but nadia esp in Vibes

8. Nicky

ethnicity: multi-ethnic. his mother is southern mexican Indigenous, possibly oaxacan. his father is mixed white/kayin

appearance: definitely takes after his mother while his father is white passing. dark brown skin, warm undertones. slightly stocky build. tall ovular head and thin aquiline nose. he's kind of just,, the opposite of the twins ig, so like their facial features look very different, which is a big part of why people don't make the connection between him and the twins alongside the difference in their skin tones, heights, and builds. nicky's build and features are very vertically-oriented, with a tall head, narrow-set eyes, thin nose with a high bridge, etc. the twins are horizontally-orienged, with broad, flat faces, wide-set eyes, wide noses with a low bridge, etc.

FC/Energy: yalitza aparicio, not a guy but one of the few Mexican Indigenous stars in the film industry and i really like her features for nicky. she's oaxacan

9. Renee

ethnicity: Black. african american

appearance: plus sized, circular/apple body shape. round face. dark skin. microlocs to a bit past her chin, bleached white and dyed at the ends. she and allison go to the salon together. femme but plain style, a lot of blouses and long skirts, practical shoes. knuckle callouses. about 5'6

FC/Energy: dominique fishback. tracie thoms, esp in RENT. gabourey sidibe. nicole byer, but not in Energy. brandy, for some reason, probably bc i think she has very serene Energy and is a little bit otherworldly. like if brandy played arwen or galadriel from lotr it would make perfect sense to me, and that's the Renee Energy™️

10. Neil

ethnicity: mixed. Black/Jewish on both sides. his father is polish ashkenazi and afro-brazilian. his mother is Black British and algerian jewish

appearance: very... sharp. like sharp all over. does that make sense? sharp features, sharp face shape, sharp angles to his body. he's got what i vaguely think of as a 'basketball build' not meaning tall but meaning very rangy and angular and lean. all limbs. seth has a similar build. lighter brown skin. he has waardenburg syndrome which is actually where he gets he gets his eye color, and his eyes are very large and widely spaced as well. freckles freckles freckles. freckles everywhere. 4a hair but at least during canon it's not very healthy and thus the curls aren't well-defined. he grows it out long enough to tie back and starts taking better care of it in post-canon. wonky, slightly crooked teeth, with a gap between the fronts

FC/Energy: now neil i actually have a ton for. mostly models which im a lil ashamed of bc i do try to draw more from athletes. alton mason is a main body type ref. mugsy bogues is good to see what i mean about the basketball build without the height. here're the boys: cykeem white, luka sabbat, désiré mia, Leo Hoyte-Egan, dylan hasselbaink, this beautiful stock photo model i've never been able to track down

i think about him every. goddamn. day.

in terms of like,, real ppl and not models: corbin bleu, especially during Jump In. figure skater elladj balde. rayan "ray ray" lopez from mindless behavior. A$AP Rocky a lil bit, maybe i just like his hairstyle idk

two more models i think are important: carissa pinkston and ralph souffrant

[littlenekosfan]

Friend - visual narrative

this is going to be a long thread bc i have a LOT of panels, so read under the cut!

since im reworking with Friend chapters panels, i paid attention to the details more than ever before.. and wow, the way these chapters are narrated is absolutely amazing

lets start off with my one of my fav panels

if there is a theme between these two that keep recurring it’s “duality” (whether when it comes to their character or the way their story is told) we will also find a lot of parallels with it.. this panel above starts it very well, one left, one right, they both call each other’s name, the expressions completely different, even the background is reversed

there we go again, all this in one chapter, i simply love how they have the same pose/image but reversed, its a really nice contrast with how different they are and yet are at the same level also, look at their speech bubbles, most of the time, jugram has a round one while bazz a sharper one, its the case here and the previous panels aswell

AGAIN! kubo gives us each’s pov with the same image/paneling, i love that method bc he treats them the same, even if one is stronger than the other and ppl will most likely root for/side with one more than the other, they both get the same treatment, also, we get to see how both lives the same struggle, it both conflicts them this whole fight considering the past they had together

the transition is also really nice, the black background outside the panel and the partial grey shading that matches with it inside the panel.. we will get to see that technique again, but here?? lovely.

a whole page not showing their face even if you guessed who they were, you get that little surprise with the face reveal which comes out really nice

the chapter reveal!!!! its so pure and empty (no dialogue and it’s only one panel), it perfectly empathize on the title and its meaning

i love how discreet bazz motive to help out jugo is shown here, obviously none of them would speak about it (jugo is pretty closed and bazz despite being loud, he isnt obnoxious and he’s smart) so it had to be shown without any words and these panels do it so well!

the first panel is just so beautiful and you can tell how jugo is just, happy. and then, the moment his uncle speaks, his face drastically changes, from white to black, kubo loves to work with that contrast of b&w (just look how the ritters/espadas are dressed vs shinigamis.. there is also the sun/moon theme and so on... its not called bleach for nothing lmao) kubo uses contrast very often and we can tell he loves to do it (and he does it super well!!)

i know we dont have any colour on these pages, but both pages are from the same chapter, first one (right) being their fist meeting on a normal day (probably an evening so the sky is orange ish) and the second page is again a jump to a flashback but this time it’s not the sky that we are shown in the last panel, but rather flames, the same colour as the day they met... the two last panels look the same but arent....

there is also the absence of facial expression in some panels, which imo conveys the mood much better, we are not left up to interpretation, we clearly know what kind of feelings that are expressed yet they didnt need to be shown...

again with the parallels (left/right) and using the same image from younger to older to show their growth? nice.

the built up with the grand reveal... wow, love it, also, that panel was such a surprise to me when i first read it... still give me goosebumps today ngl..(if you are a manga reader to likes to have the book, well, this the end of vol69... what an ending :))) just look at the build up, the bg is dark and you get that white and empty panel right after like, wow 

AGAIN WITH THE SUPRISE AND WOW IT HURTS, also the title being in capital... OOF, im going to loose it

ppl like to call kubo lazy with his titles, but is it?? i mean, here, i really cant think of a better title, remember how the first chapter friend was introduced? so sweet and smooth and then you get this... the fact friend is written here is a good call back to their relationship, what it is, what it really means, and the current situation

the way bazz recalls all the things he had heard about this.......th-that hurts (we’re like in his mind, we’re just as shocked as he is) also, it shows well how bazz recall all these moment in silence and does all the realization without saying a thing, bc no, he didnt say a thing ever since yhwach started to talk..

the left panel is yhwach talking (as he was for like the whole chapter) and there is no dialogue going on, the two boys didnt say a thing... as the slience was taking place, bazz breaks is with a shrieking voice, just looking how the letters are written in japanese, we went from pure, clear panel to a messy and dark one....

jump back to present, with both jugrams having the same pose but they both don’t convey the same feeling, with the shading and how cut it is (not being able to fully see jugo’s eyes) you can tell the first one is more disturbing/devastating than the second one

there we go... we get to see both of their expression at the same time and it change within the following panels,.. (im telling you, kubo love both of them, not just one.., both.)

this is one of my favorites moments, the way know bazz has lost his fight and how HE is self-conscious about it..., the way he monologues about jugram is really depressing, and how we are only given images that illustrates his struggle...the images are so strong, desperate and yet, his words are so empty, powerless, he knew he lost.. (the moment i start reading it, i cry on the fucking floor)

i mentioned earlier how i loved kubo’s choice in not showing the face, well we have it here again in a flashback and the end of the fight... jugram turning his back to bazz, he did it in the past and did it after bazz’ death..  it’s his way to avoid to face his feelings. (the fact we are shown he did it in the past and the reason to it, let us know why he did it again even later)

here again with empty panels, the fact it’s only bazz who is talking.... feels really heavy and the way he clings to jugram with burning hands....... you really need to look at every panel carefully to feel that heart wrenching moment,, there is no crying or screaming, he just softly admits his defeat and that’s it, like, im sorry but that’s fucking sorrowful

here again with kubo choosing to not show the face, but in this case, it’s harder for us to tell which expression jugram has (since he’s so closed about showing emotions or his intentions) but the fact kubo deliberately chose to hide it proves jugram has something to hide from us, something he didnt want us (readers) to see.........

these panels? concludes their story perfectly you have jugram walking up the stairs leaving bazz-b alone laying behind, being reminded of the day they met where bazz was the one standing high while jugram is on the ground the setting: the cold empty castle during nighttime vs the warm summer day met in a forest at daytime bazz reached to jugram and jugram left him behind, they met with touched hearts only to leave with empty ones, bazz used to look down on jugram and now, jugram does, they used to be so different and still do but only now, their role are inverted...

thank you @equipollency​ for that remark! i think your post does it much better if yall wanna read it !

i mentioned earlier how the background (outside the panel) would change from black to white, we know the black means the past,  but i love how its broken here, going back and forth from the past and present (within the same page) to show how things are still the same between them, the same struggle, the same fight over and over

also, the “not yet” is just so perfectly placed, i cant, it just emphasize even more on my point earlier (how things between them never changed on that matter)  and it finally concludes the flashbacks (with the way it’s presented: the b&w,, and the words themselves, how they weight so much)

the black shading like that is rarely used with kubo but when he does, you know it conveys extreme emotions (we didnt get to see it with bazz bc it wasnt as intense as jugram has it but also)  the trigger to these emotions for jugram are related to trauma, the first one being his uncle and the second being his friendship (im not calling his relation with bazz traumatic, its how important this relationship was to him and how ended up broken that triggers him)

but NaKi ThErE iS ThiS pAneL wHerE baZz Is ShaDeD bLacK! yes i know, but it’s not about bazz expression nor emotions, its about the scene, the situation (the white bg vs the black silhouette: perfect), so no it doesnt count, but its still a very nice panel just like with the jugo’s reveal with everyone “kneeling” to him.. white bg was The way to go

i forgot to talk about how i like their fight, how there is so little dialogue and how there are a lot of empty pages just to let place to the fight... it lets you enjoy their fight while we suffer with their flashback, anyways, im not a fan of endless dialogue in fights unless it really changes something, here, they both already know each other and they know what they want, so it was a good pick to just, us reader, witness their story through their mind instead of them narrating/recalling it to us

i know kubo uses that technique outside of these chapters, but the grey shading... i love.. he also has a LOT of close ups with eyes bc we all know how expressive eyes are;... i love that too

i know i talked about some facial expressions, but really, kubo’s art is amazing, the way he can convey certain expressions that are so precise... here, have some panels that i think are underrated naki your boys are underrated.. bc i love kubo’s art so much

i had the chance to see the colored version only once, and to be honest, the black and white is just, Amazing. nothing close to that, kubo’s use of b&w and how he keeps his panels pure is MADE to stay that way

anyways, im really in love with how Friend was made and thought out in it’s visual narrative (and story wise too ofc), kubo didnt just do a side story, these chapters are fucking amazing and ppl often ignores that sadly..

[prompt-master]

Would you be willing to share how you might rewrite Yukizome, Sakakura, and Munakata to make them likable characters (if not ppl Bc there’s a big difference)???

ahhhhhhh this ask got me so stupidly excited that I was like wavin my hands around. I think about how to rewrite their characters OFTEN. very often. I’m gonna go with likeable character over likeable people because I think they work better where they’re actually not that likeable people. 

The one I think about the MOST is Munakata. He was SUCH wasted potential and I partially blame the medium for that (a single season anime is too constrained for future, it needed more time and care to be a proper story). But Munakata is actually so close to being a compelling character but they made some MAJOR mistakes with him. This ended up getting really long and more like a 3 page ADHD ramble essay. SO IM VERY SORRY to anyone who cannot read this but TYTYTY if you did because these ideas make me very happy! Oh it’s only about Munakata btw because of how long it got

The thing about Munakata is that he is designed to be a foil to Naegi. In fact a majority of dr3 future FOCUSES on this foil dynamic. It is Naegi’s hope vs Munakata’s hope. The World’s hope vs The FF’s hope. And more importantly it is True Hope vs Corrupted Hope.

This is a fantastic concept...so why didn’t it work in canon? I think that the biggest most glaring issue with Munakata’s hope is his logic. Munakata is meant to be a logical man, although with corrupted morals that lead him astray. Yet in canon his logic is laughably infallible. For example as a major figure in the FF and someone who wants to spread hope....why would he tell Naegi to kill himself? More importantly why does he continue to try and slaughter Naegi? The issue here isn’t from the fact that he wants him dead but from the fact that he is under the IMPRESSION that this entire game is being broadcast to the world.

Think about this for a second. In Munakata’s eyes he is going to kill the Ultimate Hope, an international symbol of a better life, live on TV. He doesn’t just want to kill the Ultimate Hope..he wants to do it BRUTALLY as a MAJOR FIGURE OF THE FF. IMO this should have happened later on as the game furthers the emotional turmoil in Munakata’s head and he eventually snaps and gives in to the desire to kill Naegi despite the fact that this is live. And then there should be CONSEQUENCES for that. I wanted so badly a realization where Munakata realizes that he is hurting the Ultimate Hope in front of what he believes is the entire world. 

Another issue with Munakata’s logic is saying things such as...implying that the HPA KG was...just a game. I mean...people DIED. it's not hard to see how wrong that logic is. you can't say “this is the real world now” when what Naegi experienced WAS the real world. I think that this could be fixed through a bit of world building. DR3 Future is rather isolated from its world. We don’t really know much about the world and its dynamics. I think it would make perfect sense if the general public viewed the HPA KG as a tv show, they got numb to the sight and even those untouched by despair had a hard time connecting that these are REAL people suffering. With this previously established Munakata expressing that the KG was not real would make a lot more sense and play into his corrupted idea of hope. 

There is also Munakata’s connection to his other friends. Now I’ve talked about this before but the game was clearly designed to BREAK Munakata and Naegi. This way the FF would die, both the FF and World’s hope would be broken, and upon seeing this Mitarai would have no choice but to deploy his own forced hope. So it makes perfect sense that Yukizome’s death would break him (in fact if she hadn’t died in that way, her NG code was designed to be Munakata’s fault). But something about it felt...superficial. Again I think this is the mediums fault but it almost feels as though Munakata just forgets about Yukizome until later. I think they should spend more time establishing his pain and what he has lost and why this pushes him to kill. In his eyes if she can die then nothing else matters. It should be THE breaking point, not the first push. I do like the betrayal he feels towards realizing she had despair but it needed more time to fester. 

And his relationship with Sakakura also felt weak. In all honesty it was hard for me to feel as though they were ever friends. Sakakura is written as though he just follows Munakata like a loyal dog and Munakata just orders him around. Establish their relationship more! Why are they such good friends? Why is Sakakura important to him? And more importantly why did Munakata decide to cruelly gut Sakakura knowing he was about to confess? This is because he believed that Sakaura was despair and that his confession was more manipulation, but they didn’t show this well at ALL. Munakata just comes across as a major a-sshole who does not care. I also personally found it distasteful that when changing his heart Munakata only seemed to cry for Yukizome. I understand that was his love interest but Yukizome at the end of the day killed herself. Sakakura however was an unnecessary betrayal he took into his own hands AS HE HIMSELF KILLED HIM. He should have more guilt over that! Not just in that moment where he runs to Sakakura, but ahead of time as well! Maybe even DURING his rampage they could have shown him having moments of guilt but he is so absorbed in the idea that all despairs have to die that he doesn’t even realize he has become despair in the name of hope.

A BIG weakness on Munakata’s part comes with interacting with other characters. He is a man who should know how to take charge, lead, and doesn't know what to do when things are getting too crazy even though he THINKS he does. Munakata is heavily flawed, OBVIOUSLY flawed, but many of the interactions with him are as tho his rampage isnt a big deal. There should be reasons for this! Why do people trust Munakatas guidance so much? I dont know! All ive seen from him is that hes insane! Maybe even pieces where around others hes a lot nicer so you can understand why they follow him, even though hes ready to gut Naegi alive with a flaming katana. His interactions with others feel like the writers just wanted to see the next big evil thing they could think of, but for Munakata’s character this doesn't make sense because he was appointed a high status in the foundation for a reason. Maybe even have people say they disagree with some of his methods but at the end of the day he gets the job done!

There is another major missed opportunity here and it's why Muanakata wants Naegi dead so badly in the first place. The remnants. Hiding terrorists in the apocalypse is a PERFECTLY valid reason to want someone dead and think they're a bad guy! But I think since Naegis initial arrest was already so hostile and violent we get the sense that the FF is simply just...crazy. 

And let’s think about what Munakata WANTS from Naegi. He does not just want Naegi dead he wants something worse. He wants Naegi to suffer first. He thinks that Naegi doesnt understand his own personal pain. He thinks that because Naegi protected the remnants he must also not care about the suffering the remnants caused. He wants Naegi to feel despair and then die. This is important to his corrupted hope. He thinks the suffering must be shared in order to understand who must die, but he is creating a cycle of pain. Tie this back to the broadcasting issue. He wants Naegi to break for everyone to see. I think..and this is just a concept..I think it would have been a great idea for Munkata to force Naegi to watch the despair video so that he has no choice but to understand. 

AND themes are majorly important to Danganronpa. And I don’t think its a stretch to say that there are parallels between Munakata and Naegi. In fact I would say that there are aspects of the og trio in this new trio. I think it would have been really cool if they showed how our favorite trio could have ended up if they had been corrupted as well. But the parrellels dont stick strongly. I think it would have been cool to show a past where Munakata’s idealism lies more strongly than Naegis. As the student council president there was a time where he himself had to use his words to solve problems. Perhaps he learned that sometimes his words made things worse. Munakata does not have Naegi’s talent of emotional intelligence. He is a man of action over words. So he interprets this as WORDS being the problem rather than understanding he does not have these skills. Especially when the apocalypse breaks out, it becomes all action over words. So he sees Naegi who is all talk as a genuine threat who will let everyone die through his “weak ineffective” idea of hope. 

Another parallel could be drawn from the fact that they both have hope based careers. Their job is too keep things hopeful. Maybe Naegi stays safe doing public broadcasted speeches, while Munakata is on the field weeding out despairs. This would cause Munakata to feel as though Naegi is doing no real work yet getting all the credit for being a savior.

Munakata constantly complains that Naegi does not know true pain. But he and we as an audience have followed Naegi through his entire process of trauma. We know he is in the wrong. But what do we as an audience know about Munakata’s suffering? We are shown almost nothing! There are some implications, but for how intense he is implications are not enough. We need to see his suffering. We should see how he has witnessed death. Yukizomes death is not nearly enough for this because he talks as though he has suffered for years. How can we as an audience understand that when we have never seen it? How can we understand Munakata when he is outright denying Naegi’s trauma that we KNOW existed with no proper justification for his reasoning?

I also believe that Munakata should have died. It actually upsets me a bit that he was PLANNED to die but didn't. He should have died protecting Naegi after all that suffering and relentless brutality he offered him. Munakata again is a man of action over word, and protecting Naegi with his last breath is the perfect way to show how in the end he changed. Especially when all he wanted initially was for Naegi to die. I find that much more satisfying than just…...walking off to who knows where.

So lets recap some changes. Munakata needs a proper display of his past traumas and his relationship with Sakakura and Yukizome. Munakata needs a proper display of his work relationships and the respect he has earned. Munakata needs to fall into corruption at a better pace, and have geniune reasons for his illogical attacks on Naegi. Munakata needs to care more for his friends. Munakata needs to deal with the turmoil of wanting to hurt Naegi while he believes the world is watching. Munakata needs to die for Naegi

This has gotten long...and I still have things to say. There is so much to make Munakata a good character. Future had a lot of potential and is amazing for a rewrite concept. As for Sakakura and Yukizome since this has gotten long feel free to ask for another round of this individually when asks are open again! If you read all of this somehow….TYSM

[gayregis]

oh dandelion is such a weird case tbh. like all the sleazy shit he does is entirely unnecessary imo but people have latched onto the womanizing and all as such a huge important part of is character that no one seems to really question it? and in part due to mistranslations its treated by fans as a whole as way less harmful than it is? idk but honestly its part of why i just think hes gay now bc his canon sexuality is a mess nd basically every non-platonic interaction he has with a woman is gross

(this is part 2 ig? sorry shdjs) for example idk how it looks in the translations but in the original like. one of the very first things dandelion talks about is how he groped one of nenneke's students, and the bit with the brothel in eternal flame is. really awful when you look at it esp with the (horribly constructed but still) race dynamics in-universe, when he talks about "being able to afford a half-elf or maybe even a full-blooded elf" like idk its just. Bad and i think ppl gloss over it

(okay i started writing this part of the response before i got part 2): yes, it seems to me like a lot of him is based on this trope of the slovenly womanizer bastard-sort, but sapkowski does nothing to invert that part of the trope, lol. he disproved being a coward, because he was brave to follow geralt into brokilon/stand up for geralt’s life in dol blathanna/etc. he disproved being an idiot, because he makes intelligent observations sometimes. he disproves being selfish, because he is very caring for geralt and others. but he does nothing to disprove womanizing/misogyny, perhaps except for how he treats essi as his little sister, and for how he is appropriate with shani and also good to ciri. also i suppose in something ends, something begins he has female friends who he does not act disgusting to.

(this is considering part 2 as well): YES. there are so many little stupid fucking moments that drive me insane. such as that one, i already mentioned the rape joke to yennefer in limits of the possible/bounds of reason, the comment he made about she-elves in eternal flame was disgusting, all of his stupidity when he first met milva (commenting on her body, and also making a comment about how zerikkanian women cut off one of their breasts to shoot better, even though this is refuted by milva). how he says in lady of the lake that women don’t need money, since they don’t drink or gamble (in the presence of milva, who has drunken in his presence, and angouleme, for whom gambling is part of her backstory). also commenting on how he finds philippa scary and that he categorizes women into “fuckable” and “nonfuckable” basically. i think his comments towards yennefer in a little sacrifice are maybe the least horrible (just saying that she is old and isn’t a ‘normal woman’ because she is artifically young due to being a sorceress) but is still annoying.

i feel like the concept of brothel-going in general is supposedly “of the setting/time” and is normalized in their society but is taboo and mildly alarming to at least some in a modern audience,

i think it is also partially due to sapkowski normalizing the brothel-culture in-universe, and also (on the translators ends, too?) to be keen i guess to use terms like “whore”, like i think he calls toruviel in edge of the world something like “stupid whore,” which, if it came out of a man’s mouth today, hopefully he would be strangled.

the thing that is annoying is that he is a “good character,” he is literally the best friend of the main character, and is meant to represent that best-friend role. so his actions and sayings aren’t intended to villify him, but to be amusing, so it is assumed that the audience would find all of this amusing, which it’s not.

i think he can have this part of his personality (not misogyny, lol, but the “womanizing” as it relates to “being a dumbass”) without being so horrible, for example when vespula kicks him out of the house in eternal flame, i find this funny because he is obviously in the wrong, and he is experiencing punishment for it. additionally, things like repeating urban legends that zerrikanian women cut off their right breast in order to shoot better, to which milva ridicules him. or when he in his ballad sung that yennefer had a heart like a diamond that was unfeeling, and yennefer addresses this with him, and he shuts up and tries to steer the conversation elsewhere because it is obvious that he is terrified of her wrath...  it demonstrates that he is foolish and stupid, and is in the wrong, and can be made fun of. he did or said something (largely inconsequential, not violent or horrific) which was stupid, and is being ridiculed for it both in- and -out- of universe.

when he is in a position of power over the women however, saying derogatory things that men reading might agree with, that aren’t ever contested in-universe, then we have a problem. saying things like referring to women as whores, or trying to get a ‘full blooded she-elf’ at a brothel, or saying that he divides women into the fuckable and non-fuckable: these are never contested, he is never shamed for them, no one ever recieve retribution for them, and additionally, they are of a more violent and disgusting nature.

i feel like i treat geralt, yennefer, and dandelion all the same way overall. they each do and say some pretty messed-up things (geralt has sex with two barely 18-year old girls, yennefer smugly threatens to basically sexually assault geralt and was intending to mind-control a man into sex at belletyn (magic equivalent of a roofie; rape; what triss did to geralt), and dandelion espouses all of the misogynistic bullshit above). i like their characters but i simply cut this stuff out when i think about them because it adds nothing to them, only discomfort and disgust. it’s not intended to show “grey morality,” rather personal fallibility, and they are already fallible outside of such grossness. whether this affects if i headcanon dandelion as gay or bi i don’t know; i feel like it would be nice to rewrite some of his relationships with women to be more equal and less shitty (like how anna henrietta had an abusive husband beforehand and dandelion is not a violent man so ig it is nice to think she had some emotional love life with him around), but i also totally understand your perspective of just “there’s a lot to unpack here, but let’s just throw away the whole suitcase” haha. either way i think his [romantic] relationships with women are not very interesting at all, and i would rather focus on his platonic friendships with women, like milva, and/or mentorship/siblingship with essi. 

[cordeliaflyte]

why do they have brain worms 😬 i get that nowadays a lot of ppl who use womyn/womon/wimmin/etc. are dumb terfs but those words held a lot of importance in the lesbian liberation movement of the 70s as a way to 1) exclude "man" from the word to signal lesbianism and 2) to describe the distinct Brand of womanhood lesbians (& bi women) experience as opposed to straight women. theres nothing inherently brain worm about reclaiming or appreciating lgbt history

because they annoy me.

but no seriously. as much as i appreciate what second-wave feminism and lesbian feminism have done for women's rights, i think that spellings like wimmin/womyn etc have always been meaningless and performative gestures. i guess if their goal was simply to annoy men (which can be commendable! but isn't particularly difficult to achieve) they succeeded, but i don't see how changes in language used on a micro scale could materially improve women's conditions or ameliorate their public perception as a political class.

granted, i'm not an expert on the topic, but rather than embrace a whole branch ideology such as second-wave feminism, i would rather pick the parts i appreciate and am welcome for (most of them; especially the expansion of rights pertaining to divorce or reproductive freedom) and disregard the ones i think were unnecessary or detrimental to the movement (an example of the former being alternative spellings of the word "women", and of the latter, female separatism).

i'm interested in lgbt history and particularly lesbian history, but i don't think it's sacred or immutable, or that lgbt people need to utilise all aspects of it, especially if they're removed from their lived experiences.

as an aspiring literature student, i strive to be conscious of how language affects perception of social groups, but i sometimes hesitate on whether arguing about semantics, as enjoyable as it is, is productive. i primarily use polish in my everyday life, so i'll allow myself to use it to try o illustrate my point.

the polish word for woman, kobieta, has only come to mean what it does recently - up until the 18th century, it was a pejorative term used to disparage female farm workers, particularly those working with pigs (or, depending on which scholar you ask, prostitutes), which is more obviously misogynistic than the root of the word woman (even those its etymology paints a picture of woman as "the other", a variant of the "default", male human). and at risk unreflective and anti-feminist, i've never considered it a contributing factor in polish misogyny - it seems like a complete non-issue to me, and i've never encountered any polish feminists using any other term to refer to women as a whole except for panie (ladies).

and on a purely personal level, i think the aforementioned spellings look ugly and childish - something that is, no doubt, caused at least partially by a knee-jerk reaction to the circles it's currently associated with and just simply that they're so different from the spelling i'm used to. i find that they conflicts with my understanding of gender and womanhood. obviously, understanding of gender has changed since the 1970s, but i have never felt the need to forge an identity as a woman in a way that was clearly distinct to that of men, but rather to disconnect it from gender to the highest extent possible, if that makes sense?

what i mean is: i see womanhood as a social category, rather than an identity. sure, my experiences as a lesbian are different to those of straight women, and i probably navigate gender differently than most of them, but i also don't think i share an intrinsic gender experience with other lesbians or bisexual women. i do apologize if this is going off topic - do feel free to ask me to clarify on any point in this rather lengthy response - but i'd say i identify as a lesbian but i'm identified as a woman by society.

i hope you got something out of this mini-essay, and again, feel free to ask for elaboration on any point! take care :)

[trickstarbrave]

i get to make posts abt whatever i want and i like the long form ability tumblr has so im gonna make a post here abt it instead of a 29 tweets long thread abt it on twitter.com’s hellsite even if its a bigger thing there for ppl to yell at me: 

“how can you be NB and a woman? why even bother being aligned? why be more than one category? how do you know this isn’t a common experience with womanhood and it’s just misogyny?” 

there is no one experience of womanhood. this is true. i don’t know if this is a truly common or uncommon experience. i dont know how every woman feels. maybe a great deal binary women feel the same way, and maybe how i feel is entirely different from how women feel. but gender is not just an internal thing but an external thing. it’s, for me, both. no, wearing a dress or feminine clothes doesnt make you a woman and wearing masculine clothes make you a man, but how we live our lives and process our own thoughts is informed by the society and culture around us. all i can do is use that lens i have been given to interpret how i feel.

i dont think i am a binary woman. i use he/him and don’t like she/her or many feminine parts of language used to describe me, which isn’t something i see many binary women do. sure i can use pronouns i dont even like, much like how i can change my name to something i dont like, but im more so in the business of doing things that hurt no one for my own comfort and going from there. still though, not all of my behaviors are not unlike how i think womanhood is. i experience society primarily as someone interpreted as a woman. im okay to a degree with it too. i am subjected to misogyny and sexism. i am a primary target of those. i feel i have a vested interest in women’s rights not just because someone may mistake me for a woman but bc for all intense purposes i kind of am one. i love women and my attraction to women is based on that. i am attracted to other nb ppl with a relation to womanhood. 

for me it means i am partially out of the box. standing with one foot in and one foot out of it into something that isn’t manhood. for a while i assumed if i dont feel 100% like a woman the alternative was manhood. or gender fluidity. or that there is only a handful of experiences you’re allowed with being nonbinary like being entirely third gendered or agender. i relate to womanhood, and sometimes i dont at all. i feel it doesn’t quite fit, a label that applies only half the time and the other half manhood doesn’t apply to me at all either. for women’s issues and women’s spaces there are times i will be heavily involved and present bc they are issues that concern me and have resources i want and need. 

binary society, however, says you’re not allowed to have these varied experiences. you either feel like a woman and use she/her pronouns and look and act a certain way, or you feel like a man, use he/him pronouns, and look and act a different way. that if you don’t your existence is incoherent and irrelevant. it does not account for what each of these parts mean and serve (how pronouns can be very different from presentation or how people can be unable or unwilling to present a certain way), it just says “this is a list of things women do and this is a list of things men do”, and i say “well i do a lot of things on the woman’s list but don’t fill in the checklist entirely”. im on the fringe of womanhood, but orbit it enough that it’s still applicable as a category. 

not everyone will feel like me and reject being a woman and a man entirely, but i reject the idea that there is two distinct boxes that can only be solved by adding a third or fourth box. being nonbinary for me is existing in some level outside of strict boundaries or roles to any degree, and that means you dont have to reject womanhood or manhood to do so. you dont have to reject femininity or masculinity to do so. that some of us will be close enough to the box it might seem like it’s unnecessary to count us as outside it in any way but i say it does matter if we say it does. maybe most people exist outside of these boundaries to varying degrees and it doesn’t impact them, but it impacts me. being nonbinary means you may not be easily understood by other people. just like how bisexuals do not need to have an equal amount of partners who are men and women to be “real”, their bisexuality is important. if a bi woman dates 30 women and 1 man genuinely then she is still bi, not “basically a lesbian”. if a bi man dates 30 women and 1 man, he is not “basically straight”. i am not “basically a woman who should change my pronouns and language”, im woman aligned nb.

nb ppl can also be gay, or lesbian, or bi, or any other complicated sexuality bc they are unaligned and like women or men specifically, or only like nb ppl like them and we dont rly have good words for that ppl recognize. a binary gender system is like binary code, which means youre either a 0 or 1. theres no room for numbers between that, nor numbers outside it. all you can do is break the binary system that no longer servers a good purpose. and that also means we have to think in different ways about sexuality as we know, which was informed by a binary. 

nonbinary isn’t a clear cut thing. it isn’t as easy to understand as manhood and womanhood. our society wasn’t built to explain and understand it so i don’t fault people who dont. but trying to simplify nb identities into something easier to understand for you is wrong. being a woman or man isn’t smth as simplistic as people like to act like it is either. for now this is how i feel and communicate it. im a nb lesbian. i use he/him. pronouns dont determine my gender as unaligned nb ppl can use any pronouns like they as well, and manhood is more complex than simply using 1 set of pronouns. if you think im a man you look silly. if you think i share everything in common with women you look silly. it isnt entirely intuitive or straightforward but i am making due with what i have in a way that doesnt hurt others and isn’t based on bigotry. i dont reject womanhood because of bigotry, i know it exists and i fight against it. i love women and feel im close enough that women can love me too. i feel alienated partially because im a lesbian even, and other lesbians go through this to varying degrees too.