someone hurts you or pisses you off, and you don't do anything. at first. but you hold that feeling of rage in your chest for weeks after the fact, acting nice but silently hating their guts, pretending like all is forgiven until you can ruin their life and hurt them the way they hurt you. it's calculated. but when you've executed your revenge, will you be satisfied?
Hiyam:
step back (somewhat accurate)
usually, you're able to bottle up your emotions and ignore the frustrations. but, after weeks of shoving everything down, your body needs a release, and i pity the poor person who managed to piss you off. it's screaming crying, shouting, kicking lockers, whatever you can do to get it out of your system. it's a whole jean grey moment, fire and fury blasting out of you.
Irvin:
the full read (eh -- maybe.)
whoever pisses you off is in for a rant that exposes every single one of their deepest insecurities and issues. your rage gives you the clarity to hunt for weak spots in a person's mind. your brain works fast, firing off insults at a rapid-fire pace that terrifies everyone within a ten mile radius. this is usually followed by buckets of guilt.
Kendis:
men, raise the drawbridge (??????? but i took it two different ways so.)
when you're angry, all your defenses go up. the unfortunate person or thing that managed to piss you off is suddenly talking to a wall. On the inside, you're screaming and crying and cussing them out, but somehow you can't express it. you're blank. emotionless. to anyone's knowledge, you could be zoning out of a lecture. because of this, it's hard to express how you're feeling when the person asks for your thoughts. you've choked your feelings down, and they won't come back up.
Reuben:
step back (yes.)
usually, you're able to bottle up your emotions and ignore the frustrations. but, after weeks of shoving everything down, your body needs a release, and i pity the poor person who managed to piss you off. it's screaming crying, shouting, kicking lockers, whatever you can do to get it out of your system. it's a whole jean grey moment, fire and fury blasting out of you.
Carmela:
the full read (not bad.)
whoever pisses you off is in for a rant that exposes every single one of their deepest insecurities and issues. your rage gives you the clarity to hunt for weak spots in a person's mind. your brain works fast, firing off insults at a rapid-fire pace that terrifies everyone within a ten mile radius. this is usually followed by buckets of guilt.
if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.
but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?
what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.
and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.
you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.
so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.
it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.
sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.
oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.
Trying my hand again at some digital art once again cuz I really wanted to draw Gem with her season 10 aesthetic :) I’m really excited to do some watercolor pieces of her base too!
@0ddbugs @coffinpal I don't know much of you guys au but I'm in love with the boys' designs (i wanna draw them properly when i have the time) also i love the comic you did<3
@less-depresso-more-espresso your Raph is *chef's kiss* i love her
the @tmntaucompetition is just gonna become a reason for me to make crossover art with other aus
TW and CW: Depictions of anxiety/panic, eyestraining colors (if I need to word this differently or add better warnings, please let me know)
Eventually Chapter 2 Part 1! (I am now referring to them as chapters now because I'm probably going continue to separate them into parts to make it easier on myself.)
It's been 6 months since I posted the first chapter and I'm finally continuing it!! This is actually how I originally planned to start the story before I had decided I wanted to have a different approach. It's amazing how my drawing style has changed enough that I had to basically redraw everything from scratch plus the actual end of the chapter.
I'm impressed by how many angles tmbg can approach the theme of 'work sucks' and have it not feel like they're retreading old ground. every single one of them has something new to say, which becomes very depressing if you think about that for too long.
"put your hand inside the puppet head": thinking about a terrible job in hindsight rather than being in the thick of one, and the importance of keeping some perspective instead of falling afoul of romanticising the past, once the bad memories wane with time.
"snowball in hell": the lament of a tedious job that doesn't suit your needs. the past tense makes me think of it as the narrator reflecting on the day after clocking out for the night, and how pretty soon they'll have to face the monotony all over again tomorrow, just to stay afloat.
"someone keeps moving my chair": I dunno how accurate this is, but I've kinda been interpreting this one as illustrating the rigmarole of office politics. all the tasks and busywork and even worse higher-ups to answer to, all new ideas that get brought in and go nowhere - yet somehow, it's the most petty of annoyances that bother mr. horrible.
"hearing aid": there's an almost zen-like attitude towards the managerial pecking order here, which is also alluded to in "puppet head". both narrators mention fleeting sympathy for their awful bosses, knowing they're just as much a victim of a flawed system as they are, but not excusing their actions. I guess it's a vent about not letting the pressure get to you and doing nothing more than your set responsibilities, if even that. real "go out there and give it your 60%" type song from a totally checked-out character.
"minimum wage": a mockery of these types of jobs treating you like a mule (not only from the 'hyah' and whip noise, but the lyric being sung in the style of "mule train"), but oddly playful in a somewhat bitter way. it gives me the same kind of vibe as someone working an early student job they can afford to treat with a bit of levity, because they know they won't be here long enough to care.
"sleeping in the flowers": focuses more on the fantasy of being with a crush than work, but it's in there. the narrator would much sooner ditch their job, regardless of consequences, and spend that time with the woman they're in love with. this is the second song to mention an infatuation with someone working at a copy shop after "snowball in hell"; you could probably theorise that it's the same person.
"memo to human resources": their most serious and haunting song on the matter. the references to an attempt aren't subtle. the lyrics seem to function as both a metaphor of the narrator's state of mind and their plan, and a literal description of the day-to-day tasks that exacerbated their spiral. another double-meaning I like in its title is how it's a report of the incident, as well as a note.