#but this one was just 'war is bad' like ok. surprised folks feel free to form a queue i guess

[hibernationsuit]

had a few thoughts abt wanting to play f/all/out 4 again bc i miss my beloveds piper and preston but also. the idea of playing a it kinda stops me KFKKGKGGKGK

[canchewread]

Editor’s note: this post is part of the Recommended Reading series here on Can’t You Read; an ongoing and evolving feature that combines an easy to swipe info-graphic, a short journal, and a link to an important related discussion I’d like to share with readers.

A Culture of Predation Can’t Stop Fascist Pig Violence

In the wake of the frankly surprising (but extremely welcome) guilty verdicts in the trial of former Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin for the murder of George Floyd, I’ve tried very hard to reign in my cynicism. After all, the conviction of a cop for murder “in the line of duty,” let alone a white cop who murdered an African American man with an impoverished background, is about as common as a goddamn unicorn fart, and on that account alone the verdict is worth commemorating, if not necessarily celebrating. 

While it would be unspeakably obtuse to suggest that the verdict represented some sort of positive justice, it’s also undeniable that many feel this moment may indeed be a starting point; a chance to at least begin to imagine what a positive justice for African Americans might look like. In particular numerous observers have pointed to the very public crumbling of the proverbial “blue wall” of silence, the fact that Chauvin’s fellow police officers passionately testified against him with the whole world watching, as a positive omen for the future of police reform.

Unfortunately I (and many other observers) have doubts about this position. I don’t mean to be a downer, but the truth is that nobody, not even immunized murderpigs and their commanders, can justify the horrifying video of Chauvin mindlessly executing George Floyd over the course of nine and a half minutes. Faced with the choice of openly embracing their own “little Eichmanns” in front of an outraged public, the Blue Meanies decided that ultimately it wasn’t worth protecting a fuck up like Derek Chauvin. The cost, both to his fellow thug cops, and the profession of policing as a whole, would simply have been too damn high to justify the reward. 

The sad and horrifying truth here is that if Derek Chauvin had simply shot George Floyd, instead of casually kneeling on his neck for almost ten minutes, he’d probably be a free man today; just like so many cracker murderpigs before him. Furthermore, even this smallest of concessions probably wouldn’t have happened without months of nationwide protests conducted under a state of constant assault by violent, openly rioting police officers. That last reality is certainly not lost on fascists and neoliberal authoritarians; why else do you think reactionary lawmakers are rushing to pass legislation that criminalizes mass protest against racialized police violence? 

Still, you can’t blame folks for hoping; hope can be a good thing if it gives you the strength and courage to continue a seemingly impossible fight for actual justice. Perhaps some long day from now we will look back on this moment and say “and the conviction of Derek Chauvin was the point when the wave ultimately broke, and the tide of cracker police violence finally rolled back” - even if it’s clear that these convictions, by themselves, do not have the power to enact the change we so desperately need. 

Where I can and will find fault however, is with those deluded and disingenuous souls who have used this moment to once again champion the doomed cause of police reform; blithely ignorant or willfully oblivious to the fact that police reforms already failed to prevent the murder of George Floyd, and so many others like him. The bald truth is that the current establishment movement towards police reform is about maintaining the power and funding of the very same violent uniformed thugs who’re murdering poor people on behalf of the capitalist state in the first place; that’s why nobody is talking about removing qualified immunity for police officers, and that’s why even some cops themselves are coming around to the idea of reform at this late a date. In many ways, the real importance of the movement to “Defund the Police” is that the mere threat of taking away the sweet filthy ducats that pay murderpig salaries has already shifted the carceral establishment’s position towards bargaining; albeit, in bad faith.

The road to neofeudalist hell is paved with dark intentions however, and what establishment reformers, even and perhaps especially those who’re prepared to acknowledge the fundamentally racialized aspects of police violence, aren’t prepared to discuss in the open is the nature and purpose of policing itself in a capitalist society. There is no public examination of why it is that we keep hiring folks who turn out to be violent white supremacists to be police; and there certainly will be no discussion about the ways class relationships intersect with race through the designed function of racialized policing.

Despite the pro-police propaganda you’ve been fed all your life to suggest otherwise, the vast majority of what police actually do in America is to protect the wealth, property, and feelings of affluent white people and the corporations they own. Far from solving major crimes and preventing violence, modern policing in the Pig Empire revolves around nuisance violations, so-called broken windows policing, and other methods of harassing poor people for minor infractions of the law; remember, the police encounter that lead to the murder of George Floyd started over the purchase of cigarettes and a dodgy twenty dollar bill. The reason murderpigs can get away with violently assaulting protestors and journalists who threaten the established order is because that is precisely what they’re being paid to do, and indeed what their predecessors before them have always been paid to do.

On the surface, this class and capitalism analysis may appear to create a tension with the narrative that white supremacy and racism are also driving the crisis of police violence, but that’s really just about the same old establishment spin. As I’ve discussed in numerous prior essays, you simply cannot separate capitalism from white supremacy, or even racism, because bigoted ideas are propagated and spread for the specific purpose of marking out certain marginalized groups for exploitation and highly-lucrative (for some) repression.

Do you want to know what systemic racism in policing really looks like? It looks like hiring murderpigs to repress the poor, knowing full well that due to centuries of slavery and exploitation, the nonwhite and particularly African American population will be vastly overrepresented in the targeted communities. It looks like a supposedly colorblind war on drugs, the ongoing use of demonstratively racist stop and frisk practices, and expanded powers for your community’s “gang squad” in pretty much any neighborhood that just happens to be predominantly Black. It looks like literally profiting from these practices in ways that are sometimes extremely brazen and obvious, but sometimes hidden from everyday sight; even if they’re hardly much of a secret. The fact that the police are ultimately enforcers for the capitalist ruling class, also makes them enforcers of the white supremacist order that capitalism is so dependent upon in our society; there is no contradiction involved here.

Look; you don’t get rid of fascist murderpigs and white supremacists in law enforcement by throwing more money at nazi cops. Joe Biden can summon up all the pretty words he likes, but you can’t address the racialized nature of police violence without fundamentally altering either the racialized nature of inequality in American life, or the very purpose of policing in our society; and he’s sure as shit not talking about doing any of that at all. Thus, no matter how surprised and hopeful I am after the Chauvin guilty verdicts, that sense of positivity is ultimately tempered by the realization that “nothing will fundamentally change” - and that includes cracker thug pigs executing unarmed Black men on camera.

Although they might finally be better than openly fascist Republicans, the Democrats still don’t have answers to the problem of racialized police violence because ultimately, they don’t have answers to the crisis of capitalism itself. It’s not a question of reform or changing the law; murder is already illegal, even if you’re a white cop. Inequality, and the security force violence necessary to maintain it, is a festering sore inside the American body politic, and there are indeed consequences for essentially ignoring a crisis now so obvious and enraging to the public at large. 

What kind of consequences? Well, let’s ask researcher and professor Temitope Oriola who provides one terrifying answer in the public journal, The Conversation:

“The United States is at Risk of an Armed Anti-Police Insurgency“ by  Temitope Oriola

Or, you know, we could just abolish the murderpigs first; your call really - but don’t expect Palooka Joe to be much help, either way.

- nina illingworth

Independent writer, critic and analyst with a left focus. Please help me fight corporate censorship by sharing my articles with your friends online!

You can find my work at ninaillingworth.com, Can’t You Read, Media Madness and my Patreon Blog

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“It’s ok Willie; swing heil, swing heil…”

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 1

There Is Strength in Sweetness 

Much like the years, the seasons of D20 start coming and they don’t stop coming. Fantasy High: Sophomore Year is barely in the record books and we’re already jumping into our new season--the Game of Thrones/Candyland mashup: A Crown of Candy!

If y’all have been with me since Sophomore Year then you know that I did very in depth recaps of every episode with a very specific format but I’m gonna try something new for this season.

The format might change a little between episodes as I figure out what works best so bear with me but the plan is to do more highlights and opinions than a blow by blow. But, like, we’ll see what happens.

So, anyway, saddle up your Meep and let’s visit Candia--one of the six kingdoms of the land of Calorum (aka: a fridge. We see you Brennan, it’s a fridge). Twenty years ago, the Ravening Wars wreaked havoc but they’re currently in a time of peace which (mostly) everybody is psyched about.

Meet the Family

This is not a new observation but, while most seasons of Fantasy High focus on found family, this season is all about family-family, specifically, the royal family of Candia and their associates. 

We’re first introduced to Murph’s character--Sir Theobald Gumbar (Level 3 Eldritch Knight)--who is the a huge, golden-armored, gummy bear, leader of the Tartguard, protector of the royal family, and the logical endpoint of Murph’s lawful good predilections. Sir Theo is, of course, on time with bells on for the big Saint’s Day/Coming of Age birthday party for the twin princesses of House Rocks. Unfortunately, he’s clearly never seen The Little Mermaid because when the heralds announce the princesses, they don’t show up. Frustrated, he goes to try and find them.

The first place he checks is with Zac’s character, Chancellor Lapin Cadbury (Level 3 Celestial Warlock). He is (in no particular order) the royal tutor, a chocolate bunny, an official of the main state sanctioned church of Calorum (the Bulbian Church), and a pompous ass. Oh, one more thing? He and Theobald can’t stand each other. There is nothing funnier than two very proper grown men who hate each other's guts. Sir Theo shows up to his classroom where the princesses are having a lesson--or at least they’re supposed to be. Further inspection shows that they’ve just left two straw dummies in their place. Classic.

So, we pan out to the city to meet my favorite characters so far (I absolutely play favorites but I also disclose when I’m doing it so I think I’m in the clear) the twin princesses/chaos gremlins--Jet and Ruby Rocks (both level 1 Rogues) played by Emily and Siobhan. Theo may not have seen The Little Mermaid but the twins have def seen Aladdin, because their number one pastime seems to be escaping the palace to roam the city--hilariously illustrated when they chuck a gem into a peasant's bag and his reaction is a super nonplussed, “Guess the princesses escaped again.” They’re got the Disney Princess-itis really bad because both of them feel stifled by palace life and want more--specifically, Jet wants to be a warrior and resents having been born in peacetime (especially since she’s slightly older and in line for the throne) and Ruby wants to run off and join the circus as an acrobat. They are total twin BFFs to the point that their Thieves Cant has been reskinned to Twinspeak which is a detail I love so much (and that will become unspeakably tragic if something happens to one of them Brennan). 

Jet gets a letter from her secret crush Thad, an Avocado from Fructera (these are the sentences I am being forced to write this season folks) and schemes with Ruby about how they can get to Comida (the capital city) to meet him--possibly by sweet talking Theobald which is easy because he’s so thirsty for respect. Sure enough, Theobald and Lapin soon find them, following their path of destruction and the princesses are brought back to the castle.

Back at the castle, we’re introduced to Lou’s character--King Amethar Rocks (Level 3 Storm Herald Barbarian)--who is having a somber moment, surrounded by the statues of his four older sisters who died in the Ravening Wars, leading his reluctant taking of the throne. He’s interrupted by Lord Calroy (his right hand guy and a full ass talking slice of cake because Brennan is trying to break me this season but I refuse to give him the satisfaction) who lets him know that his daughters have escaped and his delighted reaction immediately lets us know which side of the family they take after.

Finally (at least wrt PCs), we meet Ally’s character--Liam Wilhelmina of House Jawbreaker (Level 2 Ranger) who is a political prisoner/ward of House Rocks and a soft, outdoorsy, mountain kid who is perpetually followed around by his pet pig--Peppermint Preston whose death will absolutely force to me to Google “Best Denny’s Parking Lots for Fistfights.” He misses his dad but not his dick brothers because Ally isn’t allowed to have a fully happy family in any season. Liam is from the disgraced House Jawbreaker and his brothers seem to expect him to try and off the King while he’s in their orbit. While he’s in the woods, looking for seeds (as one does) he finds and accidentally breaks an important looking teacup, which we’ll get back to.

The other important character we meet this episode is an NPC--Queen Caramelinda, mother of the princesses, wife of Amethar, and keeper of 100% of the impulse control of House Rocks. She’s the main disciplinarian to Jet and Ruby, the clear decision-maker in the kingdom, and the only literate one out of her and her husband. She also seems to be the only character that respects Lapin’s authority. 

An Inciting Incident

So, with all our characters assembled, all that’s left is the plot hook which Caramelinda provides in the form of a personal letter from Emperor Gustavo--the head honcho of the entire realm and his old friend--to Amethar. He’s not doing well health-wise and he needs to name an heir that’s not related to him at a big tourney that he’s personally inviting Amethar to. Amethar is a little slow on the uptake but Caramelinda eventually connects to dots for him that it seems very likely that Gustavo is going to name him emperor.

Amethar is not vibing with that information at all but Caramelinda basically holds him by the ear until he reluctantly agrees to go--though he insists that Ruby and Jet also come along to keep him company. Caramelinda only agrees on the condition that Lapin goes with. She also invites Liam (who is caught off guard but game) and Sir Theo is basically going by default. Caramelinda is staying home to hold down the fort but the talking slice of cake is going because Brennan hates me and doesn’t want me to be happy. 

The traveling party is chosen, the twins have been gifted with sick, inherited weapons from their aunts: Flickorice--the Twizzing Blade (Jet) and Sourscratch--the Puckering Bow (Ruby). It’s almost time to be off, but there’s still one last thing to get to before we leave the twins’ party. 

Lapin, feeling the pull of something broken (told you we’d get back to it) subtly makes his way outside, but is followed by Jet and Liam. Now, if you remember, I said earlier that Lapin is an official of the Bulbian church. Which is why it’s so surprising for Jet and Liam to see him talking to the Sugarplum Fairy, a deity of the Sweetening Path--a non-sanctioned more animistic religion that really only has sway in Candia. He fixes the teacup and then she appears, telling him that he’ll need to be wary once he leaves her sphere of influence and that boldness will be required in the days to come. Lapin, who seems to be having this conversation very begrudgingly, asks if she’s asking him to do anything in an official capacity and she smiles and says that she’s not asking for her third wish(!). Then what does she want? She wants him to know that there is great risk in what he is doing, but not acting is the greater risk. The coming challenges will be great, but he must protect the royal family or all is lost. She wouldn't have used her second wish to bring him to them if that weren’t the case. They hustle back and spill this to Ruby, obvs.

Anyway, onward! The next day, the caravan is set up and--with a warning about a sugar free chocolate warlock (ominous, as sugar free chocolate always is) they’re on their way to meet their escort out of Candia. Ruby decides to do her acrobat thing and is hanging out on top of the carriage instead of inside it as she and Jet “subtly” (read:not at all) bring up the Sugarplum Fairy to Lapin to see if he cracks.

Suddenly, the caravan stops. There’s a tree felled in the path, which really only means one thing in this kind of story. 

Ambush.

Ruby, outside of the carriage and unprotected, takes 16 points of damage and is fully down with a failed death save due to some unknown effect. The carriage is riddled with arrows. 

Everyone rolls for initiative and that takes us into a new (sure to be recurring) segment I’m calling:

Things I’m Concerned About

I’m concerned about Jet and Ruby (and not just because I’ve been worried about Ruby for a while due to things the cast has said and because she fully *died* this episode). They have their genres so wrong. They think they’re Disney movie protagonists but they’re in Game of Thrones and they don’t know it. Being Wrong Genre Savvy is a BAD position to find yourself in. Carriage surfing shenanigans don’t fly in a world that wants you dead.

OK, Carameinda. I’m inclined to be pro-Caramelinda. Like, she’s the hardass but she needs to be because Amethar isn’t helping run the kingdom. If this was a different story, she wouldn’t give me any pause but I read Macbeth and feel some light Lady Macbeth vibes. Gonna be keeping an eye on her.  

Calroy and Sir Toby (didn’t mention him, he’s a slightly lower ranked Gummi Bear guard and friends with Theo). In a story like this, I’m looking for the possible betrayals before I get blindsided and the only people who can really betray you are people who are supposedly loyal to you. Calroy had a little aside with Amethar about how he shouldn’t be the Emperor if he doesn’t want to be--which isn’t wrong but is also something someone angling to keep him off the throne for other reasons would say--and Sir Toby decided to stay behind to help hold down the fort--again, either an innocuous decision, or angling to be left alone and to his own devices. 

Whatever is going on with the Sugarplum Fairy and Lapin? Do not care for that one bit. I understand that a Warlock pact is mechanically very similar to a Paladin oath and a Celestial Warlock pact is even moreso but guess what? Still don’t trust it. I know Ruby’s Arcana check said that she’s generally a chill spirit but I still don’t trust it. And getting Wishes from your follower? Weird and suspicious. What’s your game, lady?

Emperor Gustavo apparently has a daughter who is barred by law from taking the throne when he dies. That sounds like a very strong motive for *something* at some point down the line. 

I’m a little concerned Jet is being catfished by this Avocado. First of all, not a sentence I thought I’d ever write. Second of all, I’m probably just being paranoid. But that feels like a great way to get a princess alone for kidnapping or shanking or something. 

Update: Brennan did an AMA and, regarding the previous bullet point he said, and I quote, “You are right to be concerned!” so now I’m concerned about that too! Fun!

I’m concerned about the mechanics of how a slice of cake person works. Slice implies a full cake. Where is the rest of the cake Brennan? Where is it? And, like, Brennan said on the post-show stream that we’re making the “what do they eat?” question weirder than it actually is because we’re made of some of the stuff we eat but hey Brennan? If I could pick a flesh toned and textured apple off a tree? That would be weird, OK? And I’m sorry for everyone else who had to picture that but it had to be said since Brennan is insisting on walking us down this garden path.

I’m concerned about whatever the hell is happening with Liam. Disgraced dad, mom is a shaman of the local fringe religion (Sweetening Path, like Lapin), and his brothers want him to shank the king or something? No way this ends in smiles for everyone. 

Brennan said Pyramid of Food so I’m concerned about fruit rollup mummies. 

OK but more than anything, I’m concerned about the death rules of this game. Death in D&D is cheap but, in a campaign like this, it can’t be. I’m not super well versed in GoT but it’s my understanding that resurrection in that series is possible but rare. Brennan said he specifically didn’t let Ally stock certain healing spells and that’s very telling about how things are gonna be handled. I guess we’ll see in the upcoming battle episode how that works but my general thought is, I hope everyone made interesting backup characters.  

Five More Things

So, my thoughts on the new characters. I love Ruby and Jet with my entire heart. Watching Emily and Siobhan roleplay sisters and enable each other and hype each other up is so fun--or it would be if I wasn’t low key bracing to lose one of them sooner rather than later. Zac playing against type and Murph playing to type are both fantastic. I want nothing more than for Theobald and Lapin to continue sniping at each other. I hope that’s the first PvP fight of D20. Amethar is a lot of fun but clearly in over his head and I’m interested to see where he’s pushed. Liam is literally just vibing. Hope he doesn’t have to commit regicide!     

God, the House Rocks PCs are such a disaster family. I love it. The moment when Calroy comes in and is like, “The princesses have escaped,” and Amethar breaks into a grin and is like, “Dude, that’s so dope!” I was like OH, so it’s *all* of them, huh. But, honestly, this should have been on the “Things I’m Concerned About” list because come on. They’ve not all gonna make it. And then we’re gonna have to watch the remaining family members react to that? Oh no. 

Love Ruby’s bow. I have a player in my game who also has a magic bow that produces energy arrows because, truly, who has the time to deal with the logistics of how many arrows you had left after last fight? Magic arrows. Boom, done. Next. 

Getting bagged on by your Patron for not having a spell when she’s the one who gives you your spells is so funny. Also, Mending isn’t a Warlock spell which makes it even funnier. 

**I’ve given myself a 3k word limit on all of these to try to put some boundaries on myself but, Lol, prize to the first who guesses closest to the first episode I break that rule.**

[gravelgirty]

Hi could you talk more about caves what you said on that post is really interesting

Sure thing!

First of all, it was an amazing cave I worked in. You never forget that. I'll pick one of my favorite topics,

the FALLOUT SHELTER AGGRAVATION TAX.

Clears throat.

Limestone caves are literally stone libraries in the geologic record of the world. Twice a year the airflow would change and then you'd smell smoke from decrepit old torches dating as far back as 1812. People made saltpeter in these caves, they were natural mines for things that went boom, and one of those 'requirements' meant airflow so you wouldn't suddenly and embarrassingly, drop dead of too much Underground. This is why the coal miners were eternally bemused and asking us questions like airflow. Sometimes you gotta canary. Sometimes you are the canary. This often led to predictable questions that was these old gents trying to be polite, but what they really wanted to know was,

'why the hell are you being paid $10 a trip plus tips to walk us 1.1 miles underground up to 3 times a day and no one has a mortgage gun aimed at your head?'

To which I would say, 'it wasn't quite that bad. If no one shows up at all we get paid $10.' ...Dear Saint Barbara, Chango, and the Gods of Deep Mystery, the things we tell ourselves. $10 a day. Crap. Thank goodness I had Granny's House, dad was paying the property tax, the water was on a well, and garbage was less that $20 a month. A shame we can't afford a TV, but hey, we can stay busy digging up that quarter-acre garden that will keep us fed plus the road kill Deer in the fall.

But the conditions that created saltpeter (I'll go into depth on that later if people are interested) also convinced some weird-ass people in Washington DC that caves were the perfect place to do a DR STRANGELOVE and people could go hide out in the caves, free of...well, nothing, really, because radiation = straight lines +caves, air, irradiated air and water, and everything goes down into the caves...

Look. It made people feel safe, ok? And it wasn't the worst decision the Pentagon ever made, considering they were telling the scientists working with HOT RADIOACTIVE MATTER to stay safe by sticking the stuff on a long pole so they wouldn't have to touch it.

Everybody knows about the bomb shelter President Kennedy was prepared to run to with his family in case of Cold War. It was in the Greenbrier Resort in White Sulphur Springs (I prefer to think of it as the HIDDEN FIGURES birthplace). FYI everybody who lived here knew where it was. There are only so many power stations one measly little resort that cries that it can't afford to pay for its own water bill can keep.

[insert sniffle boohoo sobbing of the pro-confederates who run that place and while I can't be there for you, try to imagine the joy I am stockpiling for the day when we have another traitorous uprising and this time, the resort doesn't get a GO PASS GO by dangerous romantics and is finally burned to the ground.]

Anyway, the important people like the President, his family, his Secret Service, his staff, cook, maid-in-waiting, bootblack and et al got to go bunker down in the luxurious bomb shelter at the resort, which probably wouldn't be very resort-y after a certain point of Castro going, 'fuck you, you whippersnapper Irish Dog' or Khrushchev throwing a little more than his shoe around. I'm not convinced it was that great of a place to hide, really. I mean...they have lightning rods on the trees over there, and believe it or not, cavers in that country have been hit by lightning while underground. Because. Lightning. If it can bake entire acres of potatoes in the field, two subterranean surveyors with metal measuring tape haven't got a prayer.

I want you to know that I can't at this point go into detail (space restrictions) on the importance of all these caves to Union Sympathizers, slaves on the Underground Railroad, and the Far-Righter MAGAS called Confederates. Trust me when I say, if you didn't know where these caves were, you had absolutely no right to know.

In Appalachia, limestone caves were listed on properties and handed down because of their value. Thomas Jefferson made a point of making sure there were lots of caves to provide nitre for the Gunpowder Committee. I don't know if landowners had to pay taxes for having saltpeter caves (probably), but when the Cold War came around, they definitely and cheerfully sold the access rights to the government because...it was the government. I am not in the least bit joking when I tell you there are people over there who are still pissed off over George Washington's Whiskey Rebellion.

If you really want to get into the psyche of Appalachians, go read up every scene Terry Pratchett ever wrote about Lancre in his Discworld books. Just give them more libraries and a LOT of coffee stations.

Oh, dear. I forgot all about the owling and the Prohibition.

Owling = the practice of moving your herds of cattle from one ridge to the next to avoid a higher payment when the taxman came a-calling.

Prohibition = The Second Oldest Profession.

These days, many of the Fallout Shelter caves are being used for...modern needs. Meth labs, if you're a sensationalist, but if you aren't, bear in mind that hiding out stolen cattle and horses still requires big places out in the middle of nowhere. But when Mr. Gov't Man came around and offered cash for the access rights to grand-daddy's old saltpetre cave? Goodness gracious, we know we aren't supposed to take people's money from them because that's a sin, but...taxes...you know how it is... (most of the mountain folk had no real quarrel with Kennedy despite his heathen dog Catholicism because it wasn't his fault he was brought up Catholic, but when it came to the government...well, it was the principle of the thing).

In short order papers were drawn, and shelters were built and good god, they were ugly. Clapboard shantytowns, I swear. They were stockpiles whacked together with off-brand plank and tenpenny nails for where the selected few could bunker up in the cozy, damp, dripping, chilly, dusty, sneezy, probably-warm-from-stray-radiation environs. I have no idea who the Pentagon hated enough that they would send them to these caves. They had a bottleneck opening for easy defense, yes, but there was no defense against puking yourself to death or accidentally taking off your own skin with your uniform at the end of your shift.

YOU THINK I"M KIDDING?? YOU THINK IT IS A COINCIDENCE THAT CLASSIC DR WHO SHOWS DALEK HISTORY IN AN OLD STONE QUARRY? WELCOME ABOARD!

A fallout shelter's stockpile generally consisted of

*High-quality medical equipment, even though some of that stuff had a shelf life of three minutes.

*Radio Equipment. Which was probably a real belly laugh to the folks running the NARO satellite dishes up in Green Bank, because families in the most rural portion of WV (Pocahontas County) spent their evenings parsing Latin and teaching the young lads and lasses the wonders of shortwave and how to rig up your own crystals in case you needed to jackleg your own.

*Food. God. Awful. Food. It was designed to keep you alive, but you can't say anything more charitable about it. Honestly, I'm surprised nobody tried to corner a government contract on dehydrated water.

*Water. Potable water for drinking, but, I should say, I couldn't find any means with which you could make a potable distillery. Or, how much of this potable water was going to be used to rehydrate the ghastly awfulness of the dehydrated food, or the canned goods that included stuff the military couldn't wait to forget. Go ask your grandparents how much canned horse Circa WWII they ate while they served, m'kay?

*Candy. High energy, easily digestible candy. Flavor optional, at the discretion of the same government that made the WWII Chocolate Bar.

*The containers themselves. Yep, they counted. They were heavy metal barrels and tough buckets or small drums, plus the amazingly dense metal and plastic containers for medical kits, candy, and misc. I'm not sure if they had a requirement other than impervious, waterproof, and on sale. In fact, the smaller drums/buckets were supposed to be lined with the plastic used to wrap the other goods, and convert into a toilet.

Cold War comes and goes. I'm sure what happened next is shocking:

1) medical supplies goes missing in the dead of night.

2) Electronics follows. That probably makes the electricians feel good, because...what good would they have done in the wet, dust-filled atmosphere of the caves?

3) Candy. Candy, did you say? I don't remember seeing any candy..?

4) The gradual disappearance of the food rations is mysteriously in proportion to camping trips multitasking with double-dog-dares. Who needs a frat pledge if Freckles here has never been introduced to the joys of Dehydrated Ketchup?

5) If you think the backyard blacksmiths are making forges with tire rims, do you think metal containers stand a chance?

This leaves the barrels of water, but who would want to drink that stuff? It's been sitting around for how long? Ew. And the boards for those shelters...cripes.

This inadvertently makes up a tiny little side bonus for the hard-working tour guide. Because these shelters are usually ridiculously close to the entrance of the tour caves. You have to take your tour group in stages, see, and once they finish gasping and wheezing their way through the first 300 steps, you have to take their minds off how miserable they are and pause at the shelter with your flashlight, and describe this little chapter of history. By this time the bats are hanging off the boards (your chance to remind them of the exorbitant federal fines for hurting these little mosquito-hunters), the occasional lost salamander, and the beginnings of the Dreaded Cave Cricket (ten minutes with these little monsters and you'll never think pink is an effete color ever again).

And the mold. There are patches of mold the guides have been watching for YEARS. Some of them have even bothered to look them up, because...tourists. They love to stump the guides and use it as an excuse for not tipping you because you haven't taken a Master's in The Encompassing Topic of Karst Everything and are clearly a dumbass, hah-hah I'll spend my money in the overpriced gift shop, peasant.

But no, folks. If you ask them one more damn time if they're sure all the candy and drugs are gone...we're too tired to take your bleeping bleep bleep tip anyway.

[samclownchester]

The day is June 15 2020

The time is 3 am

The situation is that the world has fallen into a pandemic of Covid-19, and my job closed down in March, leaving me with lots of time on my hands. Despite my doubts, I fell back into Supernatural, deep into it, and I am now rewatching it. I thought it would be fun to try and see how much I could remember from earlier seasons before I watch them all

I have watched up to 1x14 at this point, so those episodes are fresh in my mind, but lets see what else I remember

Season 1

“Dad’s on a hunting trip, and he hasn’t been home in a few days”

“Saving people, hunting things, the family business”

Sam’s girlfriend dies just like his mom did

Their dad is the point of the season but is only actually in like 3 episodes

Sam and Dean break up but get back together

Sam has VISIONS and moves things with his MIND

Meg is a demon, Sam has a bit of a crush on her

They find their dad, but don’t kill the demon

colt

Season 2

Dean dies in a car crash, John sells his soul for him and dies

Bobby Singer is best dad

Ellen and Jo and Ash exist

Purple Nurple

Gordon?

Lots of psychics! Sam can make friends??

Jk, it’s the hunger games

Sam gets stabbed in the back

Dean sells his soul for him

They kill Azazel I think??

“I have … demon blood in me?”

Season 3

Saving Dean from his demon deal

Groundhog day episode where Dean dies everyday

Gabriel?? (trickster)

Blonde Ruby (let’s hear it for Laurel Lance!)

Very short because there was a writers’ strike that year

Hell hounds

Season 4

Dean was “gripped tight and raised from perdition” by Castiel

Sam has a new gf! (Surprise, it’s Ruby in a new body! :o)

Why does she pretend to not know Dean when he first shows up? Is she lying to Sam about who she is this whole time?? Hmmm I wish I remembered

Time travel?? (Sam doesn’t get to come ☹ )

Demon blood

Demon blood detox ☹

Let’s kill Lilith

“Because it had to be you Sam”

“The boy with the demon blood”

Season 5

Dean is the Michael sword

Sam is messed up, trying to quit demon blood

Cas rebelled, and he did it, all of it, for Dean

Adam Winchester is a person who exists

Also I think this is the season with Jesse the antichrist who never shows up again it’s fine.

He only existed so they could have important conversations about nature vs nurture which honestly they should’ve just saved from when Jack was born but they didn’t know that was gonna happen

More time travel??

Future

Cas likes drugs

Team Free Will

Samifer

Fall into the cage

Dean goes to live with Lisa and Ben

The end?

Season 6

Cas is working with Crowley and spying on Dean but not talking to him like the pining idiot that he is

Dean can’t help but inspect monster happenings in town

Soulless!Sam

Dean finds Soulless Sam

Hanging out with some old dude?

Get Sam’s soul back

Meet Death?

Find out Cas is working with Crowley

 O: Ultimate betrayal

???

Season 7

Leviathans

Godstiel?? Why?? Idr

Hallucifer

Please give Sam therapy

Sam goes to an asylum

Cas takes Sam’s trauma??    

More leviathans

Dick?

Charlie!

Kevin!

Garth? Did we know him before. Idk, we know him now

Dean and Cas go to purgatory!

When does Cas die and walk into the lake? That’s before they go to Purgatory, right? Hmmmm but how does he come back

 Cas is Emmanuel and has a wife? Is that in this season?

Season 8

Dean gets out of purgatory!

But no Cas

Sam had a girlfriend and a dog! Nice!

Not nice, he ignored Kevin and didn’t look for Dean

Like they agreed on, but whatever ok sue him for trying to be happy

Dean has a vampire boyfriend

Not so high and mighty about killing every monster are we now, huh Dean?

Right? I don’t remember, this is a conversation that happens though

He does end up killing Benny though, doesn’t he? huh

Cas is back from Purgatory! But he’s got Secrets ™

“I’m gonna become a hunter”

Then he stays in the old folks home and next time we see him he’s all wacky and likes to watch the bees?

Megstiel

You’re just playing sorry

Am I right?? I don’t remember, but all of this happens at some point

Who even is the big bad? What are we fighting? Idk

Oh we have to save Kevin from Crowley and he reads the demon tablet. Only eats hotdogs, doesn’t shave. I love him please keep him safe.

Spoilers, they don’t

Right! The trials, Sam does the trials, they “purify” him

The angels fall, but Sam doesn’t complete the trials and almost dies.

Season 9

Sam almost dies, Dean is like “right, nonconsensual possession is clearly the best answer for this”

Human!Cas, he drinks lots of water. Steve.

§  “you can’t stay here” :o

Abaddon I think?? What was the point

Crowley is sort of our friend now and I think we meet Rowena? Idr

Kevin dies ☹

“What is the upside to me being alive” – Sam

§  Maybe in this season, maybe not. Who knows?

Cas is a cannibal (eats grace) and becomes and angel again at some point

§  Hannah exists

We all hate Metatron

Cain??

Metatron stabs Dean and Sam puts his dead body on the bed

Demon!Dean

Season 10

Demon!Dean and Crowley are living it up!

Sam and Cas try to cure Dean

Charlie and Rowena interact a lot I think

Book of the Damned

When did they find the bunker? Men of Letters? All that? Idr, anyway they have it at this point

Dean kills lots of people

Charlie dies ☹

Dean blames Sam which is unfair and I hate it

They get the mark off and The DarknessTM is release

Season 11

The Baby episode exists

Really weird sexual tension between Dean and Amara while she’s still kind of a child, no one knows why. Please stop.

Cas gets called expendable and then makes poor life decisions

Lbr, though, Misha is the only other one who can play Lucifer with the same spirit as Mark Pellegrino. Sorry Jared, it’s the truth.

Eileen!! <3

Chuck is God :o

Let’s kill Amara!

Except we don’t kill her, she just needs to bond with her bro.

Here, have your mom back

Season 12

Mom????

British Men of Letters

Lucifer F*cks

Boy I didn’t think this would turn into what it did, let me tell you

Winchesters escape from Federal Prison

Cas says “I love you”

But like, the plural you. No homo.

Sam admits he lost his drive to lead, then finds it again and leads hunters against the dang brits! Hooray!

Oh shoot Lucifer wants custody of his kid!

FIGHT

Fatality – Castiel

Fatality – Mary

Oh no wait she didn’t die she’s just trapped.

Season 13

Jack jack jack jack jack

3 dads, all at various levels of dadding

Actually 2 excellent dads, one dad who is too emotionally damaged to dad but he tries sometimes

Yeah Cas pisses of a cosmic entity. That won’t come back to bite him

Jack just wants to be good

Wayward sisters was not picked up which sucks

Apocalypse world

Rowena is our friend now

Custody Battle!!! Who wins? Not Lucifer

We saved the day! And a ton of people

Literally they made a whole deal of the people being like “We won’t leave our home or our cause” and then they got back to Sam and Dean’s world, didn’t have archangel grace and were just like “meh, actually this place is cool. We don’t have to worry about going back”

Psych! We’re not done yet! Luci wants his kid

And Michael wants his planet

Season 14

Michael! Dean

Jack dies

But it’s ok, we fixed you, just don’t use your powers

Oh shoot he used his power

Nick is somehow alive

In love with Lucifer

Burn his ass!!

Oh Mary disapproves

RIP Mary

RIP Dean being a father, now he’s gonna murder

Hi Chuck, nice of you to show up

Oh no.

Season 15

Chuck sucks

Dean and Cas break up ☹

Sam has visions again

But he’s not psychic, it’s just the piece of his soul inside Chuck

Resurrect your girlfriend! Yeah!!

Jack is eating hearts, but it’s ok, Death told him to do it.

Garden of Eden?

Get your soul back boy!

 And cry

Honorable mentions (Aka these happened but idr when)

Sam falls in love with a werewolf and then has to kill her and MAN Jared really brought the tears

AU where Supernatural is a TV show

Finding out Supernatural is a book series and the author is Chuck!

Crowley becomes helpful mostly

Crowley has a son??

 Meet grandpa

Ellen, Jo, and Ash die

Bobby dies

literally everybody dies

Kill Hitler

They meet that Jewish guy with the Golem who pretended to flirt with Dean at some point.

Jimmy Novak was a devout man who deserved a lot better than he got

Claire Novak is so cool

She moves in with Jody

When do we meet Jody? She’s just always kinda been there?

Gabriel, I don’t remember anything about Gabriel

The council of the Gods’ happens and then I think Gabriel dies in that episode?? Idr

The Four Horsemen

Death, Pestilence, War, Famine

“You’re not hungry Dean”

 I literally do not remember what was happening with these guys

Also, they killed Death, killed a reaper, that reaper became the new Death. I remember when all that happened I just didn’t feel like putting it in the timeline.

[everygame]

Spider-Man (PlayStation 4)

Developed/Published by: Insomniac Games / Sony Interactive Entertainment Released: 07/09/2018 Completed: 10/12/2019 Completion: Finished the main story and literally everything else in the base game outside of the random crimes on normal. Trophies / Achievements: 87%

So I’ve actually mentioned this a couple of times in previous reviews… but reviews of movies. That’s right! I watch those. So yeah, I’ve mentioned having to tear myself away from this to watch The Irishman (shouldn’t have bothered, not that it’s not good, it’s just that my folks hadn’t seen it and what else are you going to do during the Christmas break?) and then how this game made me think about “canon” within the context of the somehow enjoyable and yet truly awful Rise of Skywalker (enjoyable/awful in the bad way where it’s not enjoyable because it’s bad… listen just read the review if you care, and if you want to complain about my feelings about Star Wars please write your complaints on a postcard, roll it up and shove it up your arse.)

If you’ve read those, you’ll have ascertained that I clearly loved this enough that it was hard to like, do anything else other than play it when I had free time, and to get over any vague discomfort at having to live with yet another Spider-Man continuity. Really, writing this at the end of the decade (although you’re reading it well into the new one) I’m struck by just how masterful Sony has been in fostering its AAA exclusives, creating complete packages in the 2010s. It’s long had a bunch of second party developers that I have honestly struggled to differentiate (listen, I thought this was from the Infamous devs, not the Resistance devs???) but they’ve all slowly improved into producing games that aren’t just fancy graphics. Hell maybe even Ghosts of Tsushima will work out. I mean that Richard Garriott-ass white guy they had playing the shakuhachi dedicated his life to the instru... fuck I can’t be arsed completing that sentence.

(Of course, exclusives are kind of a ridiculous thing nowadays, and I’m definitely not saying that the exclusive nature is what made these titles good. But I am surprised to discover that I’m stanning so hard for them.)

Anyway. Spider-Man PS4 is a surprising one to me because a large proportion of its content is defeating waves of enemies in arenas, which apparently I have never enjoyed and even here I’m not wild for it. But then I think about what a bad time I had with Mad Max, which did the “do a short level” design instead (with tedious, obscure, downright bad level design) and I think how much worse it could be. And then you get to that the upgrades on offer aren’t that great (the first one you have is as useful as any of them???) which removes another of the things that you usually find fun about these open world games. And yet I never once got bored of this. Did I mention that they even use Pipe Dreams mini-games like this is 2007 or some shit???

Now, this could come down to that I love Spider-Man, and I’m actually pretty open to anyone who wants to say this is shit and they didn’t care about the story or whatever. I’d have to argue that it’s simply that it’s so similar to your Last of Uses and that: controlling Spider-Man is so pleasing, so rewarding (even with it using… too many buttons, honestly) that flying around the city or beating dudes up was always enjoyable. I died several times in this and never felt the need to bump the difficulty down, too.

It’s probably also that while the game suffers a lack of some variety (whenever you’re recapturing a base) there’s pretty much always something to do. Collectables aren’t annoying to find, and even fillers like checkpoint races are fun because of the swing mechanics. I honestly used fast-travel rarely, and actually had a bunch of the main missions clumped together at the end because I’d just swing around doing this or that on the way to the missions. 

Plus those main missions are pleasingly cinematic! And not just in the “things exploding” way. There’s some actual pathos in Peter’s story and some wonderful, blockbuster movie-quality character work/relationship stuff (by which I mean: far better than your usual game). Sure, there are definite flaws (they rush to get a bunch of big villains in like it’s Spider-Man 3, or something, and it just doesn’t need it) but the entire thing is extremely satisfying and it makes some big swings (even if at the end of act 1 I thought they were going to do something amazing, but they chicken out.)

Spider-Man is pretty much as good as one of these things gets.

Will I ever play it again? I bought the DLC on sale before even finishing this and my plan is to play through it all after a wee break because I want to enjoy the world for a while longer. I never, ever, ever do this.

Final Thought: It’ll be quite interesting (and possibly unfair) to compare this to Arkham Knight when I finally get around to it, considering I was so hard on Arkham City when I played it. I didn’t even mention that Spider-Man’s stealth is only ok (it does that thing where it just reveals you eventually, which always feels unfair) but I did like that it has a dodge, rather than a counter, making spider-sense feel different enough from Arkham that it doesn’t feel like you’re just playing the exact same thing as in Mad Max. So who knows how I’ll feel!

[thenixkat]

Animorphs Notes 34

Book 34

Yes skipping around

Narrated by Cassie

Cassie is aware of cliff notes

Its book 34 and Ax still doesnt count as an animorph

WHy the fuck would you go as a cat and a rat? That is a recipie for bad happening

SO does Cassie not have like a damn fox morph? That’s about cat sized and just as stealthy and she’s had acess to them

...these bitches are sneaking into a teacher’s house to steal a paper Cassie turned in with her test that says ‘Cassie loves Jake’. At least a decent chunk of the teachers are hosts. This could have gone so fucking wrong

Cassie yer fucking 14-15, calm yer tits about yer puppy romance

If yall usually only kiss when yer just happy you survived horrible shit, you might not actually be that into eachother

Cassie sees a lone hork-bajir close to her home and immediately jumps to fucking attempted murder even tho they have fucking hork-bajir allies

Jara Hamee probably knows you were about to try and fucking murder him

Asshole

Also Cassie, you sure as shit should know that herbivies are very dangerous and more likely to try and fucking murder you than herbivores

Stop being assholes towards the horks

Have the animorphs never had to talk to any human’s who didn’t know much English. But it feels like they’d be the kind of people who think people who can’t speak perfict English are stupid.

Marco watches Star Wars

AT least Rachel brings up the fact that the arn used the hork-bajir as slaves and that that isn’t ok

CASSIE YES THE HORKS WERE FUCKING SLAVES TO THE ARN

The fuck Cassie

The arn murdered the horks horribly if they didn’t stay in their place

me.

I blinked a few times, and began to take in

more details of the Arn's appearance. He had

four legs, two elongated arms, and a pair of short

wings. He was about half as tall as Ax and his

skin was a vibrant emerald-green.

Arn description

The first thing this arn bitch does is talk shit about the folks who might help them

Quafijinivon, are you giving the hork-bajir a chance at vengence against the arn too?

Yes, good on you Rachel

Also good on you Tobias

Ixcila aka ghost. Spirit. We gettin a damn alien ghost seance

"The Atafalxical must be performed. It is the

only way to unlock the Ixcila. But the Ceremony

of Rebirth will not succeed unless there is a

strong receptacle mind available, a mind as

strong as Aldrea's own."

An alien seance like i fucking said

Toby calls out Ax’s specisim

There’s a chance that the ghost might not let go of its host

...did Cassie just justify the andalites decision to commit genocide against the hork-bajir? What the fuck Cassie

Toby flexing on Ax is great. SHe’s wonderful

This is just more evidence that Cassie is psychic

SO Cassie has split narration with Aldrea, which means she has less book than i thought

Are yall saying we could have got more from Dak? I would rather get more from Dak.

Wow, rude Aldrea

So the Hamee family only had 2 generation in yeerk captivity.

There are some unfortunate implications here

Aldrea might be planning to stick around for awhile

Well look at that the arn is an asshole

Aldrea said Fuck the Arn!

How the fuck does one have immunity to a virus that tears things apart from teh molecular level?

Aldrea going off on that arn bitch.

Aldrea going off on andalites too, good

Yeah, Aldrea might be planning to stick around

Aldrea likes Rachel

Cassie is not ok with being refered to as an it

Passive agressive Erik

Jara Hamee slapped his hand against his

chest. "Free or dead!" he exclaimed.

"Free or dead!" Ket Halpak echoed. She

slapped her hand against her own chest.

Hork-battle cry

Aldrea and Ax are at it again

So Aldrea expected Seerow 2 to be more like Dak is what I’m getting

Earth is 3 days away from Father Deep by ship. Andal is 2 monthes away

Ax and Tobias refuse to fire on an andalite fighter trying to shoot the ship down

Aldrea and Jake dont gove a fuck

Really yall gonna risk yer lives for one andalite?

Is this a false flag operation now? I think that’s a crime

Yeah, Aldrea is already staking a claim on Cassie’s body

...are yall saying that Aldrea doesnt know how to read hork-bajir faces? Really bitches?

Why wouldn’t the yeerks use the flat spaces of no man’s land and just figure out how to get rid of the barrier?

There’s no way that’s the actual fucking core of the planet damnit. The mantle maybe, but def not the core

Like I said b4, fuck the arn

Aldrea identifies as hork-bajir

How is this a surprise? She already said she doesn’t know where the weapons are?

I saw the subtle evolution from human to Hork-

Bajir eyes. Colors shifted as the spectrum of visi-

ble light moved toward the ultraviolet, losing color

toward the infrared end of the spectrum.

Nice

MPOTHER FUCKER IT”S MOTHER SKY AND FATHER DEEP

Leave the size of circus tents

...Jara Hamee is still alive. Very unfortunate implications

Cassie, you can’t get rid of her unless she wishes to go. Your permission is not required

Hork-bajir dont have multiple harts

Aldrea is not happy that her home is gone

Big hecking yeerk pool

Cassie has done the impossible whale body slam before

Cassie is canonicly pudgy at least

Yeerks aren’t going to endanger the unhosted yeerks

Good thing for Cassie/Aldrea that there were no brave yeerks around to try and infest her

Holy fuck this continuity is shit from page to gods damned page

WHat the fuck was that ending?

Why did Toby need to be tricked? That is an aweful way to leave a last impression on someone. Also I don’t think Toby would take too kindly for her life being threatened.

WHy did Aldrea have to leave?

I didn’t like this.

[paladinspride]

Hopefully this is my last VLD S7 discourse post.

I usually try to stay out of the drama but LGBTQ rep is near and dear to me and I have spent the last few days totally caught up in the discourse surrounding S7, despite my best intentions. Can I blame myself though? It is every where!  

So I am hoping if I just put all my thoughts in an under the cut post, maybe I can move on and go back to enjoying the show for what it is and creating and assuming the fanon content I enjoy. I really do like the show. I just have feelings about some decisions.

Warning, there is an essay under here:

I’ll start by reminding people, I am in my 30s and I came out as bi in the 90s so I grew up in a totally different stage of society than most of the fandom. I mention this because it is important to keep in mind that the western world was not as open and accepting as it is now and my generation did a lot to make progress happen. There is still a lot to be done, but that is another matter.

I grew up in an age where LGBTQ characters, if present, were usually evil, tortured or killed off. At best, they were a comedic side kick. When we started to get LGBTQ content, shows like Queer as Folk, were given late night time slots and considered adult and taboo.  

Shows like Modern Family were an amazing win for LGBTQ rep but animation still had/has a lot of ground work to do.

Dreamworks got flack for Gobber saying, “And that’s why I never married,” in HTTYD 2 and that was super vague.

Conservative groups were adamant that children’s content be free of “discussions of sexuality.” Gosh forbid, someone be gay so any references had to be vague and nearly undetectable. LGBTQ content was heavily censored and often out right forbidden.

Legend of Korra’s Korrasami pushed the envelope and broke ground but it’s rep was still at the very end of the series and quiet enough to sneak by censors.

Right before I watched VLD, I watched Yuri on Ice and was so moved that there was a well written animated series that depicted a same sex relationship where it wasn’t played for comedic effect, tokenism or tragedy.

When I finished YOI, I got sucked into VLD by the fan art. When I watched the show, Keith and Lance’s relationship intrigued me and I had fun imagining scenarios where they could end up together and live in domestic bliss.

The fandom ate it up. There was so much K/lance content to create and consume and so much positive response to it, that I fell in love. They became an OTP and I have dedicated my blog to them ever since.

However, this whole time I have been cautiously optimistic about the likelihood that K/lance could become canon because I imagined the crew would have a fight on their hands to make it happen. My experience with representation in media made it hard for me to let myself hope.  

But I let myself believe because of LOK, Disney having a gay character come out on one of its youth series, and shows like One Day At A Time.

Shipping meta didn’t help.          

But I tried very hard to keep my hopes in check and remind myself that fanon isn’t canon and that I am hear for the fanon. Canon would be nice but it is not the end all be all. I had to repeat this to myself a lot.

The last little while I have found myself growing exceptionally tired of “KICK” and shipper’s insistence that K/lance will be canon because I knew the fandom was getting their hopes up and that fanon and canon are separate things and I didn’t want people to get their hearts broken when fanon wasn’t represented in canon.

Also, I wanted people to focus on creating and consuming fanon content rather than scouring the canon for proof and engaging in petty ship wars, but that is some people’s idea of fun, and I can’t judge them for enjoying the show differently than me.

Anyways, despite my reservations, I let myself hope.

Then we had Shiro’s reveal. I was so excited that we were getting a strong persevering leader and POC as LGBTQ rep in a children’s animation that I didn’t even care that the likelihood of K/lance was diminished for me because there was no way I could let my self believe that we could have three characters in canon m/m relationships.

But then I watched S7 and the rep fell a little flat for me, but I was still happy there was enough insinuation that m/m youth could see themselves in Shiro.

But then they gave Ezor and Zethrid a coded scene and killed them and Adam.

I don’t think the show runners did this with any ill intent. I think they were clueless to the fact that they were committing a dangerous trope.

The show is about war, yes, and people are lost in war, but we need to have enough LGBTQ characters in animation, media in general really, that the loss of one is not such a blow.  They should have predicted the fandom outrage, but I don’t think they did, and now they are on the defensive, seemingly making things worse.  

I also felt queer baited. And I don’t use that term lightly. I have defended them against queer baiting in the past because 99% of the time, the feeling is the result of the fandom building hype by reading into things and spinning things the showrunners and Vas said and not actually baiting.

And that happened again here.

But I feel like the showrunners contributed to it this time.

But I also am not sure how they could have shut it down.

I kind of wish they would not have said anything about Shiro at SDCC and just let the viewers interpret the scene for themselves. LM and JDS saying Adam and Shiro were engaged doesn’t mean anything if they don’t show it in the show. That was their mistake.

If they were not sure they would be able to give explicit rep, they should not have said anything about it. I don’t think people would have cared as much that there was not LGBTQ rep if we were not expecting it.

I get wanting to make everyone happy and being inclusive and not wanting to spoil anything or shut down ships but ugh it made an ugly situation. I  don’t know how they could have been more honest without spoiling things though.  

(But if they really didn’t want to shut down ships, why write Lance and Keith in any romantic arcs at all? They knew how popular the ships were to make some changes? I suppose the verdict is still out on whether A/llurance and K/acxa are gonna be cannon though so I really shouldn’t assume and get upset about that yet)

The fandom is partly to blame for the hype and perceived queer baiting in the past. If people didn’t ask questions that put show runners and VAs in awkward spots or spinning things said, the hype might not be so extreme.  

But this time it feels like the show runners went with it?

Did marketers encourage the hype for ratings though? Definitely. I don’t trust marketers. There goal is to get people talking about the show, be it good or bad. It’s important to remember the show runners and the marketers are separate. Netflix pulled some shady moves with the posters and that whole folding picture thing.

And that brings me back to K/lance.  

For awhile now I am have been thinking they pulled a Zutara with K/lance and S/hallura, (Zutara is the pairing of Zuko and Katara from Avatar the Last Airbender, and the plan was for them to be canon but studio pressure suggested the audience related to Aang more so they shifted gears and made Kaang the canon romance in the last season instead).

S/hallura could have been such a beautifully written loves story of two fierce leaders and no one can tell me they don’t have chemistry and corresponding arcs.

So I was surprised when it was revealed that Shiro was the LGBTQ rep.

This made me think maybe Shiro and Adam were to be just friends and K/lance was meant to be canon after all, which is why so many of us saw canon potential in S1-3) but then it got shut down for any numbers of reasons and they decided to make Shiro the rep instead.

Barlee recently tweeted that Shiro was always meant to be the LGBTQ rep and they had to fight for what they showed though.

So this combined with the fact that they had to fight to show what little they did and the insistence that Shiro “is the rep,” makes me think K/lance isn’t happening for sure.

And I am sad about that. And that is ok. I am allowed to be sad about it. My sadness that my ship won’t be canon should not dismiss my concerns about the bury your gays trope though. They are two different issues and I am sick that people are undermining the argument because of who people ship.

I am also sad, that Barlee’s tweet suggested that LM and JDS did not get to tell the story they wanted to tell because of studio meddling. I’d really love to know what that story was.  

But I will get over it and go back to creating and consuming content for K/lance and VLD because the world that VLD created is rich and inspiring to me. I love exploring the what ifs and alternate story lines the VLD universe has to offer because that is the part of fandom I enjoy.

I enjoy the canon too, but it is just one story in a list of endless possibilities.

[bewareofchris]

listen nobody cares about my opinion about Tony, the airport fight and Spiderman Homecoming but I’ve just accidentally read a whole post that says the only folks who disagree with how Marvel handled the plot/how Tony was wrong are butthurt Steve fans looking for an excuse to hate Tony.

that is probably part of the demographic but I consider myself to be primarily annoyed by the shoddy writing in the MCU universe so uh:

+ we unfortunately have to accept that Marvel demanded they shoehorn in Spiderman despite the fact that he:

a. had nothing to do with the conflict.  he was in fact so far removed from the conflict that he had literally NO CONTEXT for what he was being recruited to do/why he was fighting Cap and the gang.

b. was in New York while everyone else was in Germany

c.  hadn’t really made a name for himself as an independent superhero

d. literally lived in the same city as several other older, equally cool superheros that apparently didn’t meet Tony’s specific needs at the time.  (Which is fair if we’re sticking by the ‘Spiderman can web them up!’ argument.)

+ fine I’ll accept this was a necessary tie-in to Homecoming because for whatever reason, Marvel didn’t think it could make a stand-alone Spiderman movie that would do well on its own without Tony Stark.  Ok.  Fine.  I’ll accept.

+ problem #1 is the movie where Tony is secretly recruiting the minor to fight in his fight involves the signing of a document that Peter is probably too young to fight but also involves the idea that all the Avengers/Superheroes are required to sign it or stay home.  Marvel/the movie wants you to believe that Tony believes in the Accords and that Steve has violated them and deserves to be brought to justice (one of those is true, the other isn’t) except I sincerely doubt that Tony went to Ross and was like: oh hey there’s this nameless 15 year old kid from Queens that wants to come help and like I feel like we should give him a free pass from signing legal documents because I just don’t want to explain to his legal guardian how he’s going to be involved in an altercation that involves Captain America, The Winter Soldier (a very lethal super soldier/assassin), Scarlett Witch (a weapon of mass destruction), Hawkeye (idk he shoots arrows or something) and Falcon (who is just so deeply loyal to Cap).  And maybe someone else the plot shoehorns in.  Look, Tony was all like: I need Spiderman because Marvel said I did.

+ I’m not saying they couldn’t have made this work.  I’m saying that, for Marvel, bright lights and choreographed fights are more important that making sure the plot works.

+ problem #2 is the fact that Tony cannot sincerely think he can talk sense into Cap.  Sure, ok.  He can hope that sense can be talked but he has fought alongside of and with (in arguments) Cap enough times to know that Cap isn’t going to be graceful about how he was wrong or care about pesky things like the laws of man.  Tony was actually present all through Age of Ultron where Steve’s entire WE FIGHT TOGETHER, oh my god girl, Tony Stark single handedly built a murder-bot and I cannot believe that he didn’t tell me about it oh my god girl, and my personal favorite: “Oh guys look, remember the chick that fucked up all our brains and sent Hulk into a catastrophic rage attack that destroyed a significant portion of a city carelessly endangering the lives of untold numbers of civilians and yeah ok I guess also voodoo’ed Tony’s head and then he built Ultron but that was his own fault.  Well I brought Wanda and her basically useless brother Pietro to help us!  Great idea right guys?  Right?  Excellent.  Good job Steve Rogers, always making the best calls.”  

I love Tony.  You asking me to believe he has any faith in Captain fucking America to do what it is everyone’s best interest when Tony, personally, has been on the outside of “everyone’s best interest” basically their entire relationship makes 0 sense to me.  Yes, Tony maybe went hoping it wouldn’t be a fight but he’s not stupid and he knows Cap.  He knew it would be a fight.

+ problem #3: is this idea of ‘webbing him up’ like cool.  So Tony Stark the man who can build literally anything, the greatest genius of our time, the dude that designs and builds countless iron man suits up to and including one that is elaborate and strong enough to defeat the Hulk couldn’t figure out a way to make a trap that could contain Steve Rogers?  He HAD to spend his time going to recruit a 15 year old boy because Peter’s web fluid is the only possible thing that would stop him?  

+ #3a TONY STARK THE DUDE THAT DESIGNS ALL THE AVENGERS SUITS AND UPGRADES THEIR WEAPONS AND THEREFORE KNOWS ALL THEIR STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES couldn’t come up with something better than recruiting a fifteen year old boy to travel across an ocean (after lying to his legal guardian) to fight people who were 100% more combat trained than him.  I’m just saying this exact explanation is why Marvel’s writing pisses me off.

# problem #4: this one isn’t specific to Peter/Airport/Stark but does Marvel actually know there are other characters in their universe that aren’t Tony Stark?  Like maybe, just once, when they need someone to make a controversial decision or be antagonistic toward their Supremely Righteous Dreamsicle, they could call on, idk, I don’t know, maybe LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE.  Please, please, explain to me why Tony and Steve never had a relationship that allowed them to talk rationally?  Please explain to me why Black Widow sided with Tony (other than it evened up the numbers).  Please explain to me why any of Civil War had to happen when all that it needed to stop the utter stupidity of the plot was one dude at a check in desk being like: “Um excuse me Mr. Zemo sir, I don’t think you’re the highly vetted and long standing psychological expert that we asked to show up?  You seem to be the leader of a Sokovian Death Squad that’s sort of been on our radar as a Bad Dude for a while and well I just can’t let you past the desk my dude.”

+ problem #5: no.  instead of letting Tony use his brain, letting Tony be effective at his job, letting Tony’s side of this conflict stand a fighting chance of not only genuinely winning but also just making sense they heap Choices Steven Wouldn’t Like on his shoulders: (signing the Accords, keeping Wanda confined, recruiting a 15 year old, trying to kill Bucky...) and they give him a cast of characters that are ‘on his side’ without ever actually, really agreeing with him.  (looking at you Black Widow, looking at you Black Panther.)  Oh and I genuinely loved the gauntlet scene and Tony going out to fight Bucky with nothing but a nice 3 piece suit by why?  why wouldn’t he have an iron man suit considering the circumstances?  or just in general?  WHY.

(+ because the plot said so, that’s why.)

+ in summation, my entire beef with Tony Stark bringing Peter to this fight was that it only makes sense from the point of view of the writers and the company that made the movies.  if you have to cite “well the folks that wrote the book and the publishers that were going to print it said we had to introduce a character so he could have his own novel” you will literally never convince me it’s a good choice.  It’s bad writing.  It’s a pretty fight and I like (this) Spiderman.  But it was a monumentally stupid thing to have done.  Not only did it take extra time to go and fetch Peter (personally) but it endangered a kid that had nothing to do with the conflict.  Removed of ‘but Marvel told them to’ and ‘superhero movies are always like that’ it’s just a stupid fucking choice.  But more importantly, it completely undercuts the things that make Tony great.  Which isn’t a surprise when Marvel’s been steady breaking down Tony’s character to a snarky asshole who can’t accomplish anything but creating problems since Iron Man 2.  

I get it Marvel.  I love Robert Downey Jr’s face too.  Its just I’d also like to see it when he isn’t suffering from a crippling depression brought on by the fact that he’s lost literally everything with any meaning in his entire life.�� You know, you remember, Iron Man 1 when Tony was allowed to be a hero?  When he was respected by the plot and the people in it?  

[im-way-too-many-fandoms]

A Little Fall Of Rain (Benjamin Tallmadge x Reader)

Masterlist    Ask

Request from @remember-me-as-i-was :“I was wondering if you could do a Ben Tallmadge fanfiction where a modern girl ends up in the Turn time period, works as a nurse in the camp, she becomes good friends with Caleb, and Ben starts to develop feelings for her. But she fights her feeling for him because she knows what happens. thank you :)”

Trigger Warnings: Panic Attack, Mention of Death, Timetravel(?), War, Blood, Somehow Sad Letters, Angst,  Death, Grieving over dead People, Crying (like, a lot)

Words: 3155 (a long one, folks!)

Y/N ... Your Name

Y/L/N ... Your Last Name

H/C ... Hair Color

H/L ... Hair Length

E/C ... Eye Color

A/N: So, this was a challenge, but I want to thank @remember-me-as-i-was for this awesome request! And, yeah, I hope you like it! If you do, a reblog/like would be awesome!

 ~Mia <3

Ugh…Where am I?

Your head is spinning as you sit up.

Wait, this isn´t my bed!

Your eyes widen.

“And this isn´t my room… Where am I? ,” you wonder aloud.

“You, Miss, are at Yorktown.”

“Yes, in the Revolutionist´s Camp.”

Your whole body freezes from hearing the two voices, your eyes slowly wander to the two men standing at the entrance of the tent.

“Caleb, don´t say that! She could be a spy! ,” the taller man in a blue uniform whispers to the smaller man (apparently Caleb) next to him.

“Oh Benny Boy, such a beautiful woman couldn´t be a spy.” Caleb answers with amusement in his voice as he comes closer to you.

“Or are you one, sweetheart?”

With eyes still wide and mouth slightly open, you´re still staring at them.

“Um, no? I-I´m not a spy. Why would you think that? Who are you?”

There´s panic rising in your voice and the two men seem to notice it too. The smaller man comes with a grin in his face to you and answers,

“Well, I´m the handsome, strong, athletic, elegant, good-look-“

“Ok, ok, you can stop, Caleb!” The taller man interrupts Caleb.

“I´m Major Benjamin Tallmadge and this is Lieutenant Caleb Brewster. Now, since you know our names, what´s your name?”

“My name is Y/N Y/L/N. And I swear I´m not a spy! I-I just remember walking over the street and hearing loud honking and a car and-and screaming and blood and a loud siren… This must be a dream! It´s all just a dream, c´mon Y/N just wake up!”

You are pacing around in the tent, stammering, Caleb and Benjamin wearing worried looks on their faces.

Suddenly, your head snaps in their direction.

“Caleb!”

“Yes?”

“Punch me!” You ask him.

“Wait, what? I can´t punch a lady!” He protested.

“Fine, then you, Benjamin! Punch me!” You ask, your voice getting more demanding.

“I´m sorry Miss Y/L/N but I have to join Caleb on this. I can´t punch you. But, would you answer me another question? What is a ‘car’?”

Your brow creases and you look at their faces. No jokes, just honesty. They really don´t know what a car is.

This can´t be! No no no, this is just a bad dream!

Your breathing quickens and you’re feeling dizzy again. You can feel yourself falling and wait for the impact with the ground, but it never happens. Instead, there are strong arms holding you in bridal style. You look up and are able to make out Ben´s face, all blurry.

“Miss Y/L/N? Y/N? Hey, stay with us!”

You can hear his voice, but it sounds like it´s coming from far away. You try to stay awake, but can´t help but fall into unconsciousness.

Still in Yorktown…

By now, you are working as a nurse at camp. The boys believed that you aren´t a British spy. You realized, it wasn´t a dream, you assume that you died in your time period and somehow landed here… Of course you´re heartbroken about the fact that you´ll never see your family again, but then you remember that you probably died anyway and that maybe something higher wanted you alive, but, well, here.

Thank goodness the boys long forgot their question about what cars are. You know, you can´t tell them anything, it would change the course of history and you can´t risk that. On the other hand, if things would change, no one would notice.

But, still, if I say anything about the future, they either think I´m insane or they believe me and don´t make the mistakes they did the first time, which would make new problems and then maybe the Revolutionists don´t win the war…

“Hellooo… Earth to Y/N!”

Caleb waves his hand in front of your eyes and you focus on him again.

“Sorry Caleb, what did you say? I was thinking about… stuff.”

A smirk starts to grow behind his beard. He comes closer and whispers,

“Were you thinking about Ben?”

Yes, you were able to develop a crush for THE Benjamin Tallmadge and of course, you smartass told Caleb everything!

“Wha- No, I-I wasn´t!”

Your stammering shows Caleb he´s right and he wiggles with his eyebrows.

Well, at least he hasn´t told anybody yet.

On the other side of Camp, Benjamin can´t stop thinking about you, about your H/L, H/C hair, about your E/C eyes, about your intelligence, but also the mystery that floats around you. He´s been harboring a crush on you, but he knows that he can´t tell you, at least not yet. You´ve only known him for a few days and you probably don´t feel the same.

The next morning, you jumped out of bed, hearing the trumpets, signalizing a battle was about to begin. You quickly change into your nurse-outfit, before running to the medical tent.

There are loud, bloodcurdling screams from across the battlefield. Soldiers are carrying other soldiers into the tent, everything is happening so fast. You try to help the other nurses by holding the wounded men´s hands or passing the supplies to the other nurses.

Then, an all too familiar face comes inside the tent.

“Caleb?”

You notice the blood trickling from his shoulder.

Caleb smiles, though it doesn´t entirely reach his eyes.

“ ’Ello Y/N, could you help me with this little thing?”

He nods to his bleeding shoulder.

“Oh my goodness! How did that happen? Please, lie down. A-And hold this!”

You give him a stick, to hold onto, so you have both your hands free to get the bullet out. He tries not to scream, but can´t help himself. You´ve never saw him cry out in agony like this.

Finally, the bullet is out. You wrap bandages around his shoulder and his torso to stop the bleeding. His breathing slowly begins to get back to normal.

“Thank you, Y/N!”

“First, that is my job and second, that´s what friends are for, right?”

He nods, his eyes are drooping and he yawns.

“I´ll let you rest.”

You are relieved that Caleb is okay again, but you´re also afraid of what´s happening in the battle. You are afraid that something could happen to Ben. You know, that he won´t die or get hurt in this battle, still there is this small voice in the back of your head quietly shouting:

He´s going to die, already your presence changed the course of history!

Later that evening, the battle is over and the soldiers are coming back from the battleground. You´re standing outside the medical tent, waiting for a specific person to come back.

“Y/N!” You hear Ben shouting.

You turn around to see him riding his horse towards the tent you´re in front of. He jumps off of his horse and runs to you. He hugs you and you´re surprised by his happy demeanor.

“Ben? W-What happened?” You laugh and hug him too.

“Y/N, where´s Caleb? We won the war! Clinton´s army capitulated!” He almost shouts.

“What? That´s amazing!” You shout too.

Now, both you and Ben are laughing and hugging each other.

“Did I hear we won the war? Without me?”

A raspy voice says, followed by the pale, yet smiling Caleb. Ben releases you and steps over to Caleb to hold him up, before he collapses.

“Caleb, I said you should rest!” You urge him.

“Y´know Benny Boy, Y/N saved my life! You should tell her about your feelings.” He whispers to Ben as he helps him back into the tent.

That night, the whole Camp celebrates the victory over Britain, even George Washington shows himself. Everyone is having fun and there are a few drunk people, but the work for you and the other nurses isn´t over yet. The bandages from the soldiers have to be replaced again and you have to bring them their food and drinks.

“Y/N?”

You smile hearing Ben´s voice say your name.

I could listen to him for eternity.

“Yes? Is everything alright?”

You ask, without turning to him.

“Oh, yes. E-Everything is alright, but-“

Your brows knit together, hearing the insecurity in his voice.

He never is like this… What´s wrong?

You turn around and look into his eyes, there is something in there, you can´t describe it, but it triggers a butterfly-like feeling in your stomach.

“But- What?” You wonder.

“Um… Could you come outside?”

Ben scratches his nose and lets out a breathy laugh. You tilt your head, but then shrug and follow him outside.

“So, um… This is harder than I thought it would be.”

Ben begins, the both of you standing further away from the tents now. You smile at him to encourage him.

“Hey, it´s okay. Whatever it is it´s going to be okay!” You tell him.

He lets out a shaky breath.

“Okay, this is it! No going back now.” He smiles at you and takes your hands in his.

“Y/N, I know we haven´t known each other for very long, but there is something about you. The way you look at the world, even during the war. How you take care of the soldiers and-and-God, there are so many things about you, if I would try to tell you everything, I wouldn´t be able to stop. You´re beautiful beyond imagination, even if you´re covered in blood! And you´re just…just… I don´t even have words to describe you! So, I have to tell you like this…”

His hand cups your face as he leans down. Your eyes flutter shut as your lips meet for a passionate, but shy kiss. You break apart when you need to breathe again. Your faces are just inches away from each other and you can feel Ben´s breath on your lips.

“I love you, Y/N.”

He whispers in such a quiet voice, you wouldn´t have understood him, if he was only a few feet away.

“And I want to court you, if you allow me to. But please, tell me your decision tomorrow morning, so you have time to think about this,” He gestures between the two of you, “I´ll see you tomorrow. Good night!”

He gives you another short kiss and walks back towards the tents. You´re standing there with your mouth slightly open and your fingertips gently touch your lips.

“He-He loves me?”

That night you are pacing in your small tent. You are thinking about Ben and his confession and about the choices you could make.

You want to stay here with Ben, but you also know that he´s supposed to marry someone else.

You are still debating about this dilemma for hours, until you make a choice, even though you don´t like it, but it´s meant to be like this.

You sit reluctantly down and begin to write a letter for Ben. You are going to tell him everything.

My Dearest, Benjamin.

When you read this, I´ll be on my way to New York City, maybe even farther.

I know, this isn´t how you hoped you would get an answer to your question, but here it is.

I love you, yes, I do. But I can´t court you, because I´m from the future. I know, this sounds like I´m insane or a very cheap excuse, but it´s true.

Do you still remember the first question you asked me after I gave you my name? It was: What is a ‘car’?

Well, I think you deserve an answer. It´s like a carriage, but without horses. Yes, that´s all there is to it Now you know it.

I´m crying while writing this letter, because it breaks my heart to know that I can´t be with you. I know all about your life, everything before, during and after the war. After the war you´re going to be wed to a wonderful, beautiful woman and I know I´m not her. Even though I knew this, I couldn´t help, but fall more in love with you every single day I was here. Her name is going to be Mary Floyd.

So, please, forget me and fall in love with her like you fell in love with me.

I love you.

Forever Yours,

Y/N Y/L/N

You step out of your tent, with letter in your hand and tiptoe over to Ben´s. You step inside and put the letter on his desk. There´s quiet snoring coming from his bed and you turn around to see him lying in his bed. You smile as more tears find their way down your cheeks. You try to hold back sobs and kneel down next to his bed. You softly kiss his forehead and whisper:

“I love you, Benjamin Tallmadge.”

As you stand back up, he turns in his bed and you hold your breath, scared that he might wake up. But, he continues to sleep. You get out of his tent, turn around and blow a kiss in his direction.

Before you leave, you go to Caleb´s tent and wish him a quick goodbye while  he´s sleeping. The sun is rising and you start going your way upstate.

It feels like you´ve been walking for hours in the dirt and mud. That wouldn´t matter so much, if it wouldn´t have started to rain about an hour ago. You can´t see anything through the pouring rain and the only thing you can hear is the thunder growling. Then there´s a shout!

“Hey! Watch out!”

Suddenly, there´s something heavy running over your body. The pain is unbearable and you let out a bloodcurdling scream.

You´re lying on the ground and can´t move anything, except your head.

Was that a carriage? Why didn´t he stop? Am I going to die now? Why can´t I move?

The rain and hot tears are running down your face while those and many more questions shoot through your brain, when you hear another shout.

“Y/N!”

Ben? It can´t be! He can´t be here. Oh, please, let it be him!

Two men are riding towards you on their horses and stop next to you. They both jump off their horses and kneel down next to you.

“Y/N! Stay with us! Please! You have to stay with us!”

You can make out the men´s faces. It´s Ben and Caleb!

“Ben! Caleb! I-I can´t move.” You cry out.

Both of them try to help you sit up, but you aren´t able to.

“Come on, Y/N. We have to bring you to Camp!”

There´s panic in his voice and tears slipping down his face.

“Ben, listen to me! There isn´t anything you can do for me, okay? I assume you read the letter I wrote you?”

Ben lets out a sob and nods. He´s sitting on his knees, holding you close to his body. You turn your head to Caleb.

“And you know about it too?”

He has tears in his eyes and nods too.

You let out a weak laugh and the boys look at you.

“Y´know, I´ve never seen you cry before…”

Ben shakes his head and presses it to your forehead.

“I love you and I don´t want to lose you.” He manages to tell you through his quiet sobs.

“I love you too.” You whispered.

“Hey, Ben?”

“Yes?”

“Don´t you fret, M´sieur Tallmadge, I don´t feel any pain.

A little fall of rain, can hardly hurt me now.”

You begin singing. Ben stares at you and starts singing too. You quietly sing together.

“I`m here.”

“That´s all I need to know.

And you will keep me safe”

“I´ll stay with you.”

“And you will keep me close.”

“ ‘Till you are sleeping.”

You sing the last verse together,

“And rain… Will make the flowers…”

Your eyes flutter shut and everything turns black.

Ben´s POV…

“And rain… Will make the flowers…”

“…grow.”

Those are her last words. She couldn´t even finish the song, before… before…

“Y/N? Y/N? No, no, no, this can´t be! No! Y/N! Stay with me! Please!”

My voice cracks at the last word as I pull Y/N´s body closer to mine. More tears are flowing down my face. I look over to Caleb, his face is buried in his hands. I hear cries coming from him too.

I can´t get myself to look at you, cold and limp in my arms. If there wouldn´t have been the carriage, you´d still be alive. I could kiss you, I could hold you, we could´ve had a long, happy life! But no! That man on that carriage didn´t even stop, he could´ve helped you! He could´ve at least brought you to Camp or into the city, to a hospital.

My tears by now are angry tears, as I press my head into the crook of your neck.

“I love you, Y/N” I whimper.

It seems like hours until the sun comes out again. Caleb and I carry Y/N back to Camp, to give her a burial she deserve.

We didn´t think the whole Camp would come, considering Y/N was only here for a few weeks, but they came. Many people tell stories about her and at the end a young soldier comes up to me and without saying a word, he hands me a beautifully, detailed sketch picturing my Y/N. I thank him and go back to her body. It seems like she´s sleeping. My hand finds its way to her cheek and I kiss her forehead. I whisper a small ‘I love you’, before I take out a small scissor and cut of a lock of your H/C hair.

I go back to my tent and get a small necklace with a locket on it. I fold the sketch and put it inside the locket with her hair strand.

“I´ll keep you with me, forever” I whisper as I pat the locket.

(Reader´s POV) Epilogue…

It´s the 28th of October, 2017. You´re sitting at your desk to complete your work about Benjamin Tallmadge and the Culper Ring.

“…and that´s it!”

You slump back against your chair, happy about completing your work. You save everything and walk downstairs to your Mom.

“Hey Mom? I´m gonna get a coffee from the bakery down the street. You want anything?”

“No thanks, honey! Did you finish your assignment for College?”

She asks, turning away from the kitchen counter to you.

“Of course, Mom.”

You laugh and give her a kiss.

“Love you!”

“Love you too!” She calls after you, while you shut the door.

You skip across the sidewalk, no worries in mind. The birds are chirping and the leaves are falling, you love fall!

Usually, you always look before you cross the road, but today, well, you are too happy to remember.

That´s a big mistake.

Suddenly there´s a shout and honking, you look around, see a car, but you can´t react fast enough.

There is a loud crash, people are shouting, you are lying on the ground. You look over to your right, there´s blood everywhere.

Suddenly, you feel very dizzy and the world around you becomes blurry. The last sound you can hear, is a siren…

[billnoncipher]

Fireworks at the Lake

(A story of mine on fanfiction.net that happens to fit the prompt “Fake Relationship” for Wendip Week)

Fireworks at the Lake

By William Easley

(July 4, 2014)

1

"Wendy," Manly Dan rumbled, "I want to talk to you."

Lounging on the sofa on the back porch of the Shack and nursing a Pitt Cola, Wendy glanced at her dad and immediately thought, Oh, shit! He had that you're-in-trouble look in his eye. But she forced a smile and said, "Sure, dad. Uh, you want another beer? I'll run and get you one—"

The Fourth of July barbecue was into its second phase, after the games had ended, before the sun sank low enough for people to head out to the lake for the fireworks. Manly Dan and the boys had showed up a little late, but he'd made up for that by eating five cheeseburgers, three barbecue sandwiches, a pound of fries, half of a ham, and a quart of coleslaw, along with four beers.

Now he climbed up onto the porch—it creaked—but then jerked his thumb at her and said, "Let's go somewhere more private."

They walked through the side yard and into the woods, just a few steps. The murmur and laughter of the ongoing Independence Day party at the Shack still came drifting on the sultry air. Wendy tried again: "If you want me to get you another beer, it won't take me a minute—"

He grabbed her arm before she could start toward the house. "Naw, I wanna know what you were doin' runnin' around kissin' every boy in sight."

"What?" she asked, blinking. "What gave you that idea? I haven't—"

Dan scowled down at her, making her feel about five years old. "You tellin' me you ain't kissed a boy?"

"When?"

"Today! When'd you think? You sayin' you ain't kissed no boys today?"

Wendy shook her head. "No, I'm not saying that—but it was just one, and it wasn't even—"

"Out in public?" Dan growled. He pounded one gloved hand against a small pine tree, which broke and fell over.

Wendy held up her hands. "Dad, please! Calm down, OK? Do you want to hear what happened? 'Cause I'll tell you if you'll just give me a chance!"

"Go ahead," Dan said. He snapped off the trunk of the pine tree he'd punched out—granted, it was only a young one, but it had been twelve feet tall already—and moodily broke the remainder of the trunk into smaller and smaller pieces.

With her gaze on the mutilated wood, Wendy said, "OK, I kissed Dipper Pines, right? Once, and on the cheek! And that was 'cause we'd just won the three-legged race!"

"Oh, just a little kid?" Dan asked, visibly relaxing. "Toby didn't say that. What is Dipper, nine?"

Wendy chuckled. "Little older than that, Dad. He's in high school now. But we won the race—"

"By how much?"

"I dunno. 'Bout fifteen, twenty feet ahead of second place. We were way out in front!"

Manly Dan actually laughed. "'Cause you dragged him along on the ground! You did, didn't you?"

"No. I didn't have to. Dipper's a pretty good runner, Dad. Don't you remember, him and me have been running together every morning?"

"Oh, yeah, trainin'. Didn't I hear he was a track star or something?"

"Yeah, down in California. State high-school JV champion in the hundred-meter sprint. We surprised everybody. Nate and Lee have won the three-legged race for the last two years, and we left them in the dust, man!"

Dan's face clouded. "But then you kissed him where people could see and all!"

"Dad," Wendy said, "I remember five or six years ago when in front of the whole crowd, you kissed Tyler Cutebiker at the Fourth of July games!"

"That was only 'cause we won the relay race!"

"Yeah, and you just won it 'cause you picked him up while he was still holdin' the baton and carried him and it both over the finish line! But you kissed him, and there was even a photo on the front page of the Gossiper!"

"That was different!"

"Well," Wendy said reasonably, "isn't this different?"

"No! This is the same!" Dan bellowed. "I was kissin' a teammate! You was kissin' a boy!"

"Who was my teammate!"

Dan blinked, processing that. "Oh, I kinda see what you're drivin' at. And you won by fifteen, twenty feet, huh?" Pride and anger warred in his face for possession.

"We whupped everybody," Wendy said with a grin, borrowing one of his words. "Just like you, Dad."

Pride seemed to win. Dan dusted all the splinters of the pine trunk off his hands. "Well. Glad you run such a good race, then. But I better not hear of that kinda behavior again."

"Stop talking to Tony Determined, then!"

"Toby."

"Whatever! Even if you call him Bodacious T, you can't believe everything he says. He's still a gossiper."

"He's on th' television! People on th' television don't tell lies."

"Dad!" Wendy said. "If you're going to believe people who love to tattletale instead of believing me—"

"Simmer down, baby girl. I believe you. For now. But don't you go kissin' on every boy you meet, you hear me? I don't trust your judgment. That guitar player, that Robbie Valentino, now—"

With a sigh, Wendy told him, "Robbie is old news, Dad. He's going with Tambry now."

"Yeah, I heard about them, too." He sounded angry.

"Well, they don't exactly hide it," Wendy said.

Dan sniffed and gave her a quizzical look. "Prob'ly shouldn't tell you this, might give you ideas. But you listen here." He dropped his voice to a confidential whisper: "Tambry's folks were goin' to a movie one night an' they got about fifteen minutes away from their house when Mrs. DiCicco realized she'd left her purse at home. So they drove back, and there set Robbie's car parked in the driveway. Her mom slipped inside quiet-like and caught them on the living room couch, and there wasn't no doubt about what they'd been up to, judging from what they weren't wearing."

Wendy felt her face getting hot. "Tambry never told me that," she admitted. "But you don't know the whole story, either, Dad. You'll hear the rest of it soon enough, so I might's well tell you. They're engaged, Robbie and Tambry. They're getting married as soon as they graduate next spring."

"Gives him no right to do what he done to her!" Manly Dan bellowed. "That coulda been you, baby girl! I don't want nobody tellin' me you have to get married 'cause of some boy doin' you like thataway!"

"Not gonna happen," Wendy assured him.

He grunted, and for a few seconds they were silent. Then he asked, "You goin' to the lake with us?"

"Nah, my boss offered me a ride out. Then he'll drop me off at our house after."

"Soos, you mean?"

"Sure. He's the manager."

"Not Stanley Pines?"

"No, Soos Alvarez. You know Soos, Dad. Married to Melody, they got the little boy?"

"And Dipper ain't goin' with you?"

She shrugged. "He and his sister will probably go over with Stanley and Stanford. Maybe they'll bring dates."

"They're too young for datin'!" Manly Dan said with great assurance.

"I think they're like sixty-seven or some deal," Wendy said.

Dan blinked. "Oh. I though you meant the little ones. Dipper an' what's-her-name."

"Mabel."

"Yeah, them."

"I don't know what plans they have," Wendy said. "I may run into them at the lake, or I may hook up with some of my friends there."

"Not Robbie Valentino! Nor Tambry DiCicco! They're bad influences!"

"OK, geeze, Dad, I may just hang with Mabel or something."

Dan sounded far from satisfied: "And I may check on you. Just to see who you're runnin' around with."

Which was pretty nearly exactly what Wendy figured. And dreaded.

2

Later that afternoon, up in the attic of the Shack, Dipper groaned, "Oh, man, I didn't know people were gonna make such a big deal out of one kiss! And it wasn't even—you know."

"No, it sure wasn't in our top ten, dude!" Wendy said with a grin.

She, Mabel, and Dipper were sitting on the floor of Dipper's room, away from the laughter and shouts and the sounds of eating out in the yard. "You got a top ten?" Mabel asked, her eyes wide. "Show me! Show me! Show me!"

"Nah," Wendy said. "We'd be a bad influence on you."

"I don't know about that," Dipper said. "Before now, I've heard suspicious sounds from around the corner and when I got there, I spotted Mabel and Teek in a clinch!"

Mabel wilted a little. "Won't happen today, though. Teek's not gonna be at the lake. His folks are driving over to Portland for the big waterfront fireworks show. He invited me, but after all the craziness that happened today with that dumb crystal ball, I gotta take a breather."

Wendy nudged her. "Well, Mabes, I told Dad I'd prob'ly hang with you at the lake, so there's that at least. If you even want to go, I mean."

"Yeah, I want to go! I love fireworks. Maybe we could go out on Soos's boat with him and Melody and Little Soos."

"Yeah," Wendy said.

"What's wrong?"

"Well . . . thing is," Wendy said, sounding moody, "I don't believe it's a real good idea for me an' Dipper to be seen together, even if we're in a group and chaperoned. Not with Dad on the warpath like he is right now. This summer I've already been in trouble with him because I was hangin' out at the Shack too much."

"I thought that had all blown over," Mabel said.

Wendy shrugged. "Kinda has. I worked out a way to make sure the wolves were all fed on time."

"You got wolves?" Mabel asked, her eyes bugging. "I've got pigs! Wolves and pigs—what's happening here? We totally have to get them together—"

"I don't think she means real wolves," Dipper said, his voice not sounding happy.

"No, dude, I meant my dad and brothers!" Wendy said.

"It's a metaphor," Dipper added.

Mabel tilted her head. "Like in poetry?"

Her brother sighed. "Yeah. Kinda."

Mabel turned to Wendy. "Oh, man—wait—your family's not werewolves, are they? 'Cause that would be so cool!"

"Not as far as I know," Wendy said, laughing. "Dad and the guys just eat like wolves. And smell like them too, most of the time. Anyhow, yeah, Dad ragged on me about not being home in time to clean and cook and all, but I worked out a schedule, and Dad agreed finally that I'm responsible enough now—Assistant Manager of the Shack an' all—so I deserve some free personal time. 'Cept he sneaks around and asks around about what I'm doin' and checks up on me!"

"Bummer," Mabel said. "Hey, Dip, what's wrong with you?"

Dipper had been leaning back against his bed, but he slumped forward now, arms wrapped around his bent knees, huddling as though gathered into himself. If he'd been wearing a sweater, he probably would have turtled into Sweater Town. "Aw, it's that I've been looking forward to seeing the fireworks with Wendy," he admitted. "Last year we saw them together, and it was special."

"First real kiss special," Wendy said.

"Ooohhh!" Mabel murmured. "That's why Dipper wrote on the Fourth of July in English class when we had to do a 'My Favorite Holiday' essay!"

"You did? That's sweet, dude," Wendy said, reaching out to rub Dipper's back.

He leaned against her. "Yeah, but—if we can't even see each other tonight. . . I mean, it's kind of an anniversary and all."

Mabel said, "Fear not, Broseph! The course of true love won't stumble over its own feet and fall over like a tree Manly Dan has chopped off at the roots! We'll come up with a plan!" She booped Dipper. "Now, those were metaphors!"

"You hate making plans," Dipper pointed out. "You make fun of Mom and me all the time because we always make plans!"

"Exceptions prove the rule! Let me think, let me think—hey, Brobro, can I chew on a thinking pen?"

"They're in the cup on the table," Dipper said. "Help yourself."

Mabel not only chewed on it meditatively, she gnawed it. Then she giggled. "Ink! Blaarrgggh!" She stuck out a purple tongue. "Okay, that helped. Maybe we can find a way to get you two together for your anniversary. But you're gonna owe me if I can pull it off."

"Sure, whatever," Wendy said.

"Better hear her out before we agree to anything," Dipper cautioned.

3

Manly Dan drove the boys to the lake as the sun was going down. Half the town was already there, and the other half were coming in. He wandered through the crowd—easy because he was a crowd on his own, and he towered above everybody else on the beach—and watched families spreading beach towels and tablecloths or setting up folding chairs for the big fireworks display.

The fireworks team had already set up out on Scuttlebutt Island, and this year they had put out a line of red-blinking buoys to keep boaters at a safe distance. The previous year one family had ventured a little too close, and a dud skyrocket had flopped down onto the deck of their cabin cruiser before exploding. It hadn't done serious damage or hurt anybody, but the four people aboard, dad and mom and two kids, had jumped into the lake and had to be fished out.

Meandering, Dan saw the McGuckets and spoke to them—Old Man McGucket, tidier than he'd been in the old days, was actually making sense for a change—and then he spotted Tats, recognizable by his head and chin tattoos, who asked him, "You workin' tomorrow?"

"Naw, layin' off after the holiday," Dan said. "Whatcha got?"

"All-night poker game, you want in. Do you?"

"Sure," Dan said.

"Awright. Back room of the Skull Fracture, eleven o'clock."

"Who else?" Dan asked.

"Blubs an' Durland, Stan Pines, Roadhog, Chains, Ghost Eyes, so far."

Dan laughed. "Well, we'll take a few bucks off of Blubs and Durland, anyhow! See you there. Want me to bring anything?"

"Snacks if you want. Got the beer covered."

"Good enough."

Dan said hello to Mayor Cutebiker, to Lazy Susan, and a few others. But he was looking for a tall redheaded girl, and he'd better not see her in with a bunch of guys. Or else.

Twilight started to come on and deepened into dusk, and then Dan heard a distant but familiar laugh. It came from the docks.

He walked through the crowd, then around past the ranger station. By the time he got there, the sky was darkening and the first stars were just visible. He saw two figures sitting really close together on the edge of one of the piers, their feet swinging.

They didn't look around as he went toward them, though for a man of Dan's size, there was no way to keep his big feet from clomping on the wood. He stopped behind the two. "Wendy."

She leaned on one arm and turned around. "Oh, hey, Dad."

"You behavin'?"

"Yeah. Me an' Mabel are just hangin' here 'cause it's a good dark place to see the fireworks from. Wanna join us?"

Now Dan recognized the girl sitting beside his daughter—the pink headband, the long brown hair cascading down her back, the sort of goofy grin. She was wearing a red T-shirt and shorts, and she waved at him. "Mavis," Dan said.

"Mabel," the girl corrected.

"Oh, yeah. Uh. So where's your brother?"

Mabel pointed out toward the lake. "Soos's boat."

"So why ain't you with them?"

She shrugged. "I get seasick."

"It's a lake."

"Lakesick. Blarrrggg!" She mimicked vomiting.

"Okay," Dan said. "You girls be careful an' don't fall off the dock!"

"It's like three feet deep down there," Wendy said. "But, yeah, we'll be careful."

"Might take the boys out in th' rowboat," Dan said. "Well—I'll be home late, Wendy. You make sure everything's locked up."

"Will do. Have a good time, Dad."

Dan turned and walked away through the gathering darkness.

"Wow."

Wendy laughed. "I know, right? You know what he's gonna do now. He's gonna take the boat out and hunt up Soos's boat and make sure Dipper's aboard."

"He sure doesn't trust you."

"Oh, I dunno. It's not that so much as it is that when Dad gets an idea in his head, it's stuck there." Wendy pointed. "Uh-huh, there he goes with the boys."

It was getting hard to see, but you could make out the rowboat heading out from the far side of the ranger station. The tall, bulky figure at the oars was definitely Manly Dan. And sure enough, he did head toward Soos's boat, which had been repaired since the Gobblewonker expedition—if by "repaired" you meant that Soos had acquired another second-hand boat and had put the steering wheel from his old one on it.

A single rocket streaked up from Scuttlebutt Island and exploded, signaling the beginning of the fireworks show. Then more joined it.

"There they go," Wendy said. "Come here."

It lasted maybe ten or fifteen seconds. When they pulled apart, Wendy murmured, "Mm. Wow! Tambry an' I used to practice kissing for when we'd start dating guys, but I never French-kissed a girl before. I think I like it!"

"Aw—"

Wendy reached out for a tight embrace. "Come here, Mabes. I want me some more of that!"

4

Dan pulled up alongside Soos's boat. "Hiya," he said.

On the boat, Stan Pines leaned on the rail and said, "Hiya, Dan. How's it hangin'?"

"Fine, fine. See ya at the game tonight."

"Oh, yeah. I'll be there."

"That, uh, that your nephew over there?"

"Huh? Yeah, Dipper, come an' say hi to Manly Dan."

The kid came to the rail. In the light from the exploding rockets, Dan saw it was Dipper Pines, all right—pine-tree hat, red shirt and blue vest, the whole nine yards. "You're gettin' tall," Dan said.

Dipper shrugged. "Never match you, sir," he said.

"Listen, I, uh, heard you an' Wendy done good in the games."

"Three-legged race."

"Yeah. Congratulations. You, uh, kissed her, didn't ya?"

"She kissed me. On the cheek!"

"Yeah, well—you gotta realize not to do that in public to girls. Ruin their reputation."

Stan laughed. "That's a good one, Dan! Hah! Ya don't have to worry about Dipper—he's still scared of girls! Right, Dip?"

The kid looked down at his feet. "Aw, Grunkle Stan!"

"Good seein' ya," Dan said.

He rowed for a better vantage point and relaxed to watch the fireworks.

He felt a lot better now. Wendy and Dipper Pines—what a laugh! Why the kid's voice hadn't even broken yet.

While his boys yelled with enthusiasm at the rockets and Roman candles and bursts of stars, Dan smiled gently, reminiscing. All those flashing lights reminded him pleasantly of the times in the woods when he'd misjudged and a limb or a whole tree had whopped him in the head.

Really took him back.

5

Wendy was giggling. "Come on, Mabel, kiss me again!"

"No way! Not until I take this off!" Dipper reached under the shirt and struggled with the sports bra until Wendy had him turn away so she could unhook it. He had to shrug out of the shirt sleeves to get the straps off, and then he pulled the wig off his head. "I felt so silly!"

"Good thing that Mabel had that." Wendy picked it up and stroked it as though it were some kind of long-haired animal. "Why'd she even buy a Mabel wig, anyhow?"

Dipper tugged his shirt back down. "For those school mornings when 'five more minutes' turns into half an hour in bed and she doesn't have time to get her hair ready. Think she looked enough like me?"

"Oh, yeah, man," Wendy said. "With her hair tucked down the back of her collar and your hat and clothes on—yeah, in this light she'd fool anybody."

Dipper sighed happily. "Well, at least we got our anniversary."

Wendy dropped the wig to the pier beside her and said wickedly, "It's not over yet, dude."

As if to underscore that, fireworks lit up the sky.

"Want to see what it's like kissing a boy this time?" Dipper said. "I've just popped a peppermint!"

She pulled him tight against her. "Oh, dude, I thought you'd never ask."

The End

[dianacarstairs-blog]

***** Lord of Shadows Spoilers

I just… all the fucking points to Cassandra Clare. This was definitely one of her best works. The Infernal Devices will always mend and break my heart time and time again, but The Dark Artifices is shaping up to be quite the story.

I love how the plot points are setting up what I hope is an epic end to the trilogy, how the plot is mirroring a lot of things that are very real issues in the real world around us. Kit mentioned it in the story, but Zara and the Cohort are literally repeating mundane history. To talk the politics of the story a little, the Inquisitor is dead. I’m sure Horace Dearborn or some other Cohort fascist is going to be clawing their way towards the position. Jia, the Consul, her alliance seems to be against the Cohort. I don’t know if she has any say in who is appointed Inquisitor, I don’t know if they are elected or what. But i’m hoping she can have some influence as far as who the next Inquisitor is. But also, it’s too good of a plot to pass up to put a member of the Cohort in such a position of power, which is what they’ve been haggling for. It’s too good of a plot to pass up the tyranny and corruption that would inevitably follow. There would most likely be another war, another shadowhunters vs shadowhunters in a different way, where they all are sound of mind and free of will. They are most likely going to be registering Downworlders, stripping them of their rights, oppressing them into submission, referring to them as ‘things’ as if they are objects to be owned and sold rather than living beings with hearts and souls and the ability to bleed.

And not to mention the Fair folk. What the fuck, is all I have to say. The Seelie Queen was in our story for fleeting moments, claiming she can stop the Unseelie King as he has been blighting the land so that shadowhunters cannot use their powers of angelic derivative, but only if she has the fuckin Black Volume, which, might I mention, was how the King was blighting he lands? He was getting the info from Malcolm, who had the damn Black Volume. It also seems as though Annabel Blackthorn is working with the Unseelie King. I don’t know how and I don’t know when, but I know that the way she treated the Blackthorns before the trial and the way she treated them after taking the Mortal Sword didn’t even seem like the same fucking person. Perhaps the Sword could’ve triggered her, memories of her torture by the Clave, sending her into a mode of pure survival. But she disappeared in a cloud of fuckin black smoke like… that’s some Unseelie King shit if i ever did hear of it. There is absolutely no way that the Seelie Queen is not malicious in intent when offering aid to the Shadowhunters against the King. No way. She’s too smart, she’s too honed in on survival and strategy, and she’s all too well known for her deceptive tendencies as we’ve seen in The Mortal Instruments. Idk man there’s just something going on there. They both want the black volume, the King is blighting the land and the Queen is offering aid even though she knows the Shadowhunters will be powerless. She isn’t that stupid. She would literally be fighting someone else’s war. She can’t lie, but I think she’s figured out how to skirt around the truth enough so that she can get what she wants precisely how she wants it. And the Unseelie King is fucking creepy ok like first of all chill dude but also… shit. Like, he’s playing at some evil shit. And I mean, it’s not like they don’t have a reason to hate the shadowhunters. They have a fucking reason and it’s called the cold peace. I’m just saying that i won’t be surprised when they start a war against the shadowhunters, all of faerie against the shadowhunters who are already at war against themselves. It’s the perfect plot. It’s a Cassandra Clare plot. It’s sinister and I want it SO BAD.

I haveve too many feelings bc Livvy’s last words were her twin’s name, and Ty felt it when she died and he was a crumpled heap of grief in the floor of the Hall, and Julian kept calling her his baby and asking her to please open her eyes as if she was just asleep. And Kit wasn’t even there but he told Livvy they were going to be friends forever and he doesn’t even know she’s dead and Mark was trying to help Ty, trying to get him off the floor, probably wanting to hold him or comfort him or perhaps have someone there to comfort him after the loss of the little sister he got back only weeks before. Helen, who had been exiled for years and hadn’t seen her siblings a single time, had just been reunited with them all moments before and now she’s watching her baby sister die. And Emma could feel Julian’s pain along with her own as he pleaded with Livvy to wake up. And Robert… oh my god. Robert, who had been revolted by his own parabatai confessing his love and thus working to deaden their bond, only to have Michael die without Robert knowing. Robert was going to help Julian and Emma because that’s what Michael would’ve wanted him to do, because maybe he can somehow right a wrong that he could never forgive himself for. Robert Lightwood, who went to Annabel to free her from the scrutiny of the Mortal Sword only to be stabbed to death by a terrified girl who’d been brought back to life mere days before testifying amongst the people who had tortured and murdered her. Robert Lightwood, who lay dead in the Hall as his son stood over him grieving, saying “dad, please, dad”.

@cassandraclare

[turntothree]

Ry& Reaction: Wolves & Shepherds

E3 came early this year! ...OK, it didn’t but it certainly felt that way, kind of.

It seems in recent years, game publishers have been tripping over themselves to take up valuable space on that pre-show hype train. I’m talking teasers, press releases, cryptic tweets and anything else they can think of to score some attention before the big three step in and snatch the spotlight. Hell, we’ve seen E3 grow an extra couple days to accommodate more publisher-sponsored events.

Editor’s Note: Really looking forward to that keynote, Devolver Digital!

A few weeks back, Ubisoft decided to do things its own way and steer the train in a slightly different direction with a bombshell announcement most other companies would save for the trade show.

Editor’s Note: NO! NO! That wasn’t released, it escaped!

Damn, man. I was just kidding. It’s going to be alright.

Anyway...this is what I’m really talking about.

Yup, the French gaming giant casually name dropped one of its top secret E3 reveals in a nonchalant tweet, a whole month before the show. But it didn’t stop there. One week later, the aforementioned Youtube suite released a...let’s call it “tourism video” for the humble little town of Hope County, Montana.  

Editor’s Note: I have a “MIGHTY” fine feeling about this place.

What? You’ve got crisp country air for breathin’, plenty of wild game for huntin, a nice clean creek for fishin’ and plenty of big ol’ green acres to roam. Of course, you’d have to overlook the constant bear attacks, air strikes, ominously empty streets and the prospect of being randomly murdered, but what town doesn’t have its share of problems?  

Editor’s Note: Wait...wasn’t Far Cry 4’s announcement handled in a similar fashion? Letting the fanbase sneak a peek behind the curtain; then slamming the curtain back down until a good and proper reveal at E3? Isn’t that what’s going on here?

You’d think so, but...

Dateline – May 26, 2017

IGN’s Daemon Hatfield and Marty Silva greeted the California sunrise with a live (and exclusive) reveal of Far Cry 5’s first proper trailer. In it, would-be players are told the sad tale of how a struggling working-class town was taken in by a wealthy con artist who promised the world.

This self-proclaimed “prophet” Joseph Seed and his twisted family of disciples preached of peace and prosperity; instead they delivered onto his flock a life of servitude and unabashed cruelty. He used his good fortune to giveith himself their property. He used his cultish militia to takeith away their free will. The chosen among “his” townsfolk would be baptised into his parish or they would surely perish.

In a town past the edge of civility, a brave few in the community have chosen to fight back against Seed’s ghoulish gospel and reclaim what’s theirs. In this holy war for the soul of America’s heart land, it is up to the player to lead the resistance. 

That’s the story (at least up to that point)...as for gameplay, the trailer didn’t show too much, but it caught fans a quick glimpse at some old and new tricks alike.

As said previously, the hunting mechanics are back, but with a new batch of wildlife to track. Bears, deer, wolves, cows and bulls are among the critters in the mix. In a similar vain, fishing will be implemented into the series for the first time. Catch and fry up some bass for hit points!

Also returning are the conveniently placed vehicles. Fast travel and open road/seas/(and for the first time) sky combat will be a breeze with your choice of motor boats, ATVs, 18 wheelers, muscle cars and fighter planes. 

Of course, the series’ standard first-person gunplay will remain locked and loaded.

Oh and the world-wide release date for Far Cry 5 has been set for February 27, 2018. The platforms in which it will be made available are as follows: Xbox One, PlayStation 4 and PC. Sorry, Nintendo fans. No Switch port is planned.

Editor’s Note: That’s a fair bit of information. Surely, that’s enough to appease fans for now.

Actually, Ubisoft continued the Youtube rollout with three more trailers; specifically the stories of the three main support characters as told by them in direct conversation with the player.

Meet Nick Rye: A third-generation fighter pilot who had been fortunate enough to have never seen combat, but when “Eden’s Gate” comes knockin’ on his doorstep, Nick is the first to enlist in the resistance.

Meet Mary May Fairgrave: A bartender pushed to the edge after both her brother and mother are kidnapped by Seed’s followers; now her family-owned establishment serves as a home for anyone looking to bust a cap in “Eden’s Ass!”

Meet Jerome Jefferies: The local pastor turned shepherd in wolves clothing; charged with the task of taking back the flock “father” Seed had led astray.

Monologues aside, the folks at UbiBlog also had the chance to catch up with Far Cry 5 Creative Director Dan Hay, who discussed the modern day anxieties, urban legends and Montana road trip that inspired the game’s theme and setting. That interview was also posted to Youtube.  

Editor’s Note: ...Anything else?

Then the press releases rolled out and the media was all over it.

Details of full campaign co-op; a customizable protagonist (who also happens to be the sheriff’s deputy); and so much pending controversy plastered the headlines.

Oh yeah, and there has also been some talk about melee combat specific scenarios being worked into the game. New weapons such as baseball bats, sledgehammers and pitchforks will be implemented as part of the series’ inventory.

image credit - 20th Century Fox

Editor’s Note: Wow! That’s an awful lot to tell so soon. What’s left for the E3 showing?

Actually, there’s still plenty to juicy reveal tidbits to share. Like say, an in-depth look at “Eden’s Gate”. We know so much about the heroes, but we haven’t really seen much of anything concerning the big bads, nor do we know the why or how of their hostile takeover.

There’s also the new feature Ubisoft promised to show off during its presser. If I had to wager a guess, I’d say it’s either the campaign’s co-op option or the flight mechanics.

Editor’s Note: Even still, why reveal so much about the game now? Why not leave it all as a major E3 surprise?   

My theory, the publisher wants the press to focus its collective energy on whatever new Ubisoft IPs (and or Assassin’s Creed sequel) premier that fateful day, so it’s trying to answer the more common Far Cry questions ASAP. Also, all this Far Cry hype sure makes for a damn fine centerpiece.

...

Editor’s Note: Thoughts on what you’ve seen and read so far?

 *Sigh* I guess I should start off by addressing the elephant in the room – the story.

For all of the hullabaloo, it’s nothing new. The town overrun with zealot cultists ranks among the classics of horror tropes, and stories (subtly or not) inspired by political unrest are certainly commonplace, even in the world video games.

Editor’s Note: And they’re only going to get more common over the next, let’s say four years?

While these character archetypes and plot devices may seem a tad (or more) over done, that doesn’t mean they can’t be used to tell a good story. In fact, I trust Ubisoft Montreal to do just that. That’s not to say I didn’t have any reservations or crack a joke or two at first glance, but the deeper the Youtube showings went, the more invested I got.

Hearing the stories of Nick, Mary and Pastor Jerome gave me Goosebumps, and I instantly wanted to know more about what was going on and how they aimed to deal with it.

Editor’s Note: Forget this customizable protagonist nonsense, Ubisoft. Rip-off Rockstar so I can swap between these three heroes!

The villains on the other hand, I have no real opinion of, yet. Sure, Ubi is more than capable of creating the type of sinisterly charismatic baddies this plot calls for (shout out to Vaas and Pagan Min), so I feel “Eden’s Gate” has plenty of potential. However, I can’t judge Seed or his siblings sight unseen.

...Promo images excluded, of course.

Editor’s Note: Speaking of elephants, Far Cry 4 let me wreck shit on elephant back. Surely, Ubisoft can’t just expect me to go back to primitive man power.

I don’t believe the southern United States is an elephant’s natural habitat.  

Editor’s Note: i dOn’T bEliEVe tHE SoUtHERn UnITeD StATeS iS aN eLePHaNT’s nAtURal hAbITat.

...

OK, so Montana isn’t normally thought of alongside the exotic locales the series is known for, but the more I’ve thought it over, the more I’ve come to realize it’s the perfect setting for a Far Cry game.

It’s beautiful and serene territory hosts some gorgeous natural splendour...it also has some hidden and very real dangers entrenched deep within its forestry and rocky domains. The ravenous wolves, perilous coyote packs, rabid dogs, wild bulls and massive grizzlies will be just as, if not more formidable than the tigers and honey badgers of previous games.

If you’re luckily enough to be the hunter, as opposed to the hunted, you’ll be able to score some prime cuts of meat for health boosts, and some fine pelts for crafting items.

Of course, there’s also the option to fish for some grub. That could be fun for a bit.

Editor’s Note: As long as it’s SEGA Bass Fishing quality and not Sonic Adventure quality, I’m totally up to do a little fishin’.

Not to mention the prospect of being hunted down by a bunch of gun-toting manics does compliment itself rather terrifyingly well to the whole outdoor survivalist angle, much like the militants and royal guardsmen of entries 1-4.

Yeah, the setting might be a little different and the enemies might be a little different but this is still very much Far Cry, with all the fun DIY M-A-Y-H-E-M that comes with it.

Speaking of what makes Far Cry - Far Cry, let’s talk vehicles. This pitched selection is cool as frig!

Tarring through the countryside in a muscle car or big rig, and the promise of delivering some cathartic death from above sounds absolutely sick!

Editor’s Note: Hopefully, the air battles can match stuff like Ace Combat or Battlefield 1. Now that would be sick.

Anything else...oh, right; campaign co-op. It’s a great idea!

I can’t recall the number of times I played through a mission in Far Cry 4 only to find myself completely surrounded and desperately wishing I had back-up. The ability to call in a buddy should certainly make breaking through those impenetrable compounds at least a little bit more bearable.

Editor’s Note: This all sounds rad...still wish I had my elephant though.

...

I honestly don’t quite know how to cap this off. I guess I could say:

Far Cry 5 has all the potential in the world to be a great action game, as its pedigree can attest. The guns, explosions, fast rides, deadly beasts, and vast destructible set pieces are all on lock. It has all it needs to kick ass and take names. But its creative direction is taking the series into some unknown and fairly risky territory.

There’s certainly plenty of potential in the characters and setting presented, as I’ve said earlier. However, the direction the game seems to be heading could cause a drastic tonal shift that throws the entire thing off kilter. This building sense of horror, sorrow and despair, and to have it all inspired by today’s political climate could put a major damper on the aforementioned ass-kicking and taking of names.

It’s going to be tough and sadly, it might even get a little ugly, but Ubisoft has a rock solid creative team and I do believe they can make these pieces fit into something truly great. At least I hope so.

...

...

Boy that sure was some dark stuff. Let’s lighten things up next time by battling it out Poké-Style!

[atheart150]

J/C AU  Broch Tuarach

Broch Tuarach  

A special shout out to The Beatles for Twist and Shout.

The bar was slammed.  They had more patrons tonight than some Friday or even Saturday Nights and it was only a Tuesday.  Jamie was’na supposed to be working either.  He had a date.  He’d just stopped in to pick up some cash and then be on his way, but only one bartender on, with a crowd like this, spelled disaster.  And his partner, his godfather, Murtagh, was running around like a chicken without his head on.  Murtagh did'na like crowds; he did’na deal with them well.  Weel, that was a bit of an understatement.  It was’na that Murtagh did no deal with crowds well, not that exactly.  It’s that he did’na deal with them at all, unless ye wanted some sort of bar fight to be the end result.  No, Jamie was the people person of the team, Murtagh was the stock expert; he ken his libations well and made the bar a local favorite because of it.

This Open Mike Night idea had been an inspiration.  Tuesday Nights were usually dead, so one night his sister Jenny and her husband Ian where hanging out at the bar and Ian gets this idea.  Ian grabs Jenny and, using a guitar left on stage, they performed a song, just Jenny sing’n and Ian play'n back up, like they do sometimes at home, only at home the bairn usually sing along too.  Then one of our regulars approached Ian asking if she and her sister could sing a song and would Ian would accompany them as well.  After that Ian opened it up for anyone else who wanted to give up a song and three more did.  Ian accompanied each of them, once on the piano.  Folks whistle'n, singing along and wave'n arms in the air like they were at a concert.  Some even danced.  All just for fun, ye ken.  That was a month ago.  A couple of regulars mentioned that they had such fun, asked us if we were going to do it again.  So we repeated it the following Tuesday and found we had a couple of new customers and two of them had pretty good pipes on them as well.  So it's a regular Tuesday night thing the bar does now.  Ian contacted some of his mates that were in a garage band together back in school and they came in last week and played along with Ian for free beers.  Now no one is a professional by any means but they come to drink and stay to sing, or maybe, on Tuesdays, it's the other way 'round now, he was'na really sure.   Either way bar business had increased and by the looks of tonight, business has more than doubled.  Everyone was having a good time and it's a bit different from the usual karaoke.  They've had some come from as far as Inverness for chance to sing with a live band.  No bad for a little hole in the wall pub in Broch Mordha.  Ian, smart lad that he is, had a play list printed and the singer has to pick a song from the list, but the band had a pretty diverse repertoire; everyone seems to find something on the list they wanted to sing. They even have a Country-Western Song…Ok, so it's Garth Brooks and not Reba McEntire….

Jamie immediately went behind the bar, put his phone and keys down and started to help Willie catch up.  The two of them work well together and can handle the loaded bar as a team.  Murtagh walked by carrying a case of BrewDog.

“I need another hook up of Innes, and better get another Gunn ready.  They are hitting them hard.”  Jamie barked as Murtagh passed.  “I need more Margarita mix too.  These gals are drinking them faster than I can mix ‘em.  Them and the whiskey sours.  What is it with women and little umbrella drinks anyway?   Sweet and fruity, yuck” and Jamie made a face.  “Give me a decent shot of Laphroaig or Glenlivet any day of the week,” he commented and gave his godfather a smile.

“Yeah, weel ye and me can pour us a few tonight after we close, aye?  Until then, keep make’n the pay’n lasses happy and don’t let me hear that ye ran out of the wee umbrellas or garnishes!  Like lambs to the slaughter…” Murtagh said with a huge grin and scooted back past Jamie on his way out from behind the bar. “I’ll change yer hook ups now.  I’m going to the cellar to get more tonic and seltzer for ye anyway.  Just keep ‘em happy, aye?  These lasses do’na drink all that much but they are bringing in the lads that will” and he disappeared around the corner.

The time flew by.  Willie and he had a rhythm going.  The bar was on fire.  He loved working when it was like this.  It got his heart pumping and his adrenaline flowing.  It was one of the reasons he and Murtagh opened the place to begin with.  It was a dump when Murtagh first found it.  Took almost a year of hard work, work'n night and day, but with the help of friends and family, they got it up and running.  The bar was a success now.  They even owned the building.  The bar downstairs and a small 2 bedroom flat upstairs.  Ned Gowan was god sent when it came to getting their alcohol and food licenses; without him Broch Tuarach would not exist.  Ok, so they did'na really have a tower, it was more of a turrett  but yes, the door did face north.  Tonight made all those early struggles and lost sleep well worth it.  Now if he just had someone to share it all with...

“What are ye still do’n here?  I thought ye had a date?”  Murtagh asked a while later as he passed Jamie while carrying up more ice.

“Shite” Jamie muttered.  “Got so caught up in helping ye out I forgot to call Mary and cancel.  I’ll just step out in the alley and take care of that now.” He said to Murtagh.

“Tisst, ye go and have ye date with the wee widow lady” Murtagh said with a knowing smile.  “Willie and I’ve got this.”

“The day you work behind this bar, aulde man, will be the day I….” and Jamie smiled, not finishing the thought.  He actually did not know what he would do without him.  Murtagh had filled huge void in his heart when his da died.  Kept him sane and alive.

“Willie, I've gotta make a call.  I'll be right back.”  So he stepped out back, into the alley, found Mary MacNab in his contacts, called and apologized, but he would have to cancel tonight.  Said he’d call her some other time and reschedule.  They both knew he wouldn’t.  Just as well he thought as he pressed the red button on his cell to hang up.  It would really only be the second date and he did not think it was going to go anywhere already.  She had come in two weeks ago for this Open Mike thing with a group of girlfriends.  She was a widow, she said, and seemed nice enough, all be it a little shy and a little frumpy, if truth be told; no confidence in herself at all.  But with a few drinks in her, she had gotten brave and written her digits on a bar napkin and slid it to him along with a pretty good tip.  He did’na have the heart not to call her.

Coffee, just coffee.  Short and sweet.  Just a little somethi’n to give the lass a boost to her confidence for the next guy she meets.  She had taken him by surprise when he walked into the agreed Coffee Shop and saw her sitting there with what turned out to be her 10 year old lad, Rabbie.  The kid was nice enough and the same age as Young Jamie, his sister’s oldest.  They had talked about the new Star Wars movie, Rogue One, fishing and local soccer clubs.  Boys at that age needs a father and that had sent up Red Flags for him.  No way was he ready to be one of those, especially on a first date.  It wasn’t that he did not like bairn.  He loved Ian and Jenny’s brood, all five of his nieces and nephews, truly and Jenny pregnant with number six.  It wasn’t that he didn’t want a family of his own either... someday.  He wanted kids, twelve he always replies when a date asks and then laughs to himself as he watches the panic come to their eyes.  Yes, an even dozen; his very own soccer team with one extra for substitutions.  He would have that family when he found the right lass, nay, the right woman.  That was part of the problem.  He had lots of lasses interested in him, tons, young and pretty lining up to give him their phone numbers....  but that was the catch, wasn’t it?  

“Ye do’na need a lass, Jamie, what ye need is a woman,” Murtagh told him in no uncertain terms one night when he told his godfather about yet another disastrous date he’d had.

Maybe Murtagh was right.  He ken it was’na Mary he was looking for.  Mary had been persistent and would not let him leave the coffee shop until she had a roped him into a second date.  He really did have to leave.  It was his turn to open the bar and he was late already, so he had unwisely agreed to it.  So the bar, being too busy for him to walk out on was the perfect excuse.  He’d shut this dating Mary thing down before it got complicated and she got hurt.  

He quickly text Jenny, told her to find a sitter and get her arse down here to help ASAP as he walked back into the bar.  

He’d just finished the text and put the phone in his back pocket, not watching where he was going as he made his way through the crowd to the bar.  He just about knocked a patron over, walked right into her as she was walking by.  With cat like reflexes, he managed to grab her by the arms to prevent her from falling on her arse.  There was a small jolt that hit him the moment his hands made contact with her bare arms; like there was an electrical current running from her to him in through one hand, coursing through his entire body and then back out through his other.  It left him feeling like he'd just grabbed hold of a plug and gotten a small shock, leaving the hairs on his arms standing on end.  The way she shuttered, he ken she’d felt it too.

Christ, she was tall for a lass.  Finally, a tall one.  He was so tired of meeting women he could’na look in the eye without stand’n them on a box.   And talk about bonnie...her eyes, gazing into them was like look'n at sunlight filter through a glass of finely aged whiskey.  He found himself making a small whimpering noise.

She had all this beautiful, shoulder length, curly hair that framed her face.  A brunette.  He usually went for blondes but hers was not the normal drab brown, her hair had all the colors of a burn to it.  Shades of chestnut, amber and even auburn.  Her hair seem to have a life of it's own, like it was it's own unique entity, all wild and unkept; he was mesmerized by it.  He had to stop himself from letting go of her arm and running his fingers through it right then and there.

“A bhithfhathast a ‘bualadh mo chridhe, ma tha thu nach’ eil a creutair as àlainn mo shùilean riamh chunnaic” he said quietly under his breath as he slowly looked her over.  (Be still my beating heart, if you are not the most beautiful creature my eyes have ever beheld).  Victoria Secret model gorgeous, for sure.  He’d let her model knickers for him anytime.  And legs… hers went on forever and her short little polka dot skirt made sure you could appreciate them.  She had a white blouse on, untucked and tied at the waist, that was unbuttoned just one button too many, making him want to see if he could get a look at her breasts if the shirt moved the right way.  He did not think she was wearing a bra either; he swore he could see a hint of her cherry red nipples through the thin material.  He sighed as he thought about his thumb rubbing that..

“Hey, my eyes are up here” she commanded as she thumped him hard in the shoulder then took her open hand and waved it in front of her bosom in an attempt to get him to look up.

“Huh?” Jamie said realizing he was caught staring at her like he was 13 go'n through puberty, look'n at his first pin-up.  She had a natural beauty to her.  She appeared to be wearing hardly any makeup at all.  Amazingly beautiful white skin, like porcelain.  None of that dark eyeliner that made the lasses look so Goth either.  No bright red lipstick, just a soft pale pink.  It made him wet his lips with the thought of kissing them.

“Pardon me,” she said.  “Did you say something?” then added an “Oops,” as something fell to the floor.  She turned and bent at the waist to pick it up.

“What an arse,” he whistled under his breath.  Before he knew it he had taken a step forward and with both hands, made a very subconscious choice of reaching toward her bent frame to lay hold of it; ready to grab both cheeks and pull them to his already very alert crotch.  God he wanted to feel that up against him every night before he fell asleep.  Then he thought, there was no way in the world he would ever sleep if that arse were pressed up against him.  Certainly, very specific parts of his nether region would be wide awake and raring to play.  Jesus, where hell had this woman been hiding his whole life?  Why the hell did'na he ken her?

He glanced up and saw Murtagh look’n right at him, making him turn red.  His godfather could read him like a book, ken exactly what he had been think'n. That wasn't embarrassing.

“Here, let me get that for ye,” he said quickly, breaking eye contact with his godfather.  He placed a hand lightly on her lower back, stooping to pick it up whatever it was she was reaching for.

“You're standing on my sweater” she said in a dry, slightly hostile voice.  She turned and looked at him.  She almost fell over.  He had the most piercing blue eyes she had ever seen and crazy, wavy red hair, wearing it a little longer than most of the guys she dated, and just the hint of a beard.  Very sexy, she thought.  She just wanted to rub her fingers over that scruffy strong jaw line, maybe while kissing that soft mouth.  She resisted the urge to stroke his lips with her finger. He turned red in the face as he lifted his foot and the two of them, together, stood, each holding a piece of the sweater.  

“I'm so sorry about your sweater....” He said at the same time she said “Jesus, you're a tall one.  Finally.  I'm so tired of meeting men that have to stand on a box just to have a conversation with me....” and they both started to laugh.

She shifted, adjusting her stance and started to wobble.  She grabbed his shoulders to steady herself.  “Damn Geillis.” she muttered under her breath.  She should have worn flats, but Noooo, Geillis had selected the entire ensemble and that meant these bloody heels; she could hardly stand in them let alone walk.  But she had lost the bet, fair and square, and Geillis was taking full advantage of it.  A night out with the girls if Geillis won and as the winner, she got to chose the when, where, how and what.  How Geillis knew about this bar was beyond her.  It took them almost an hour to get here; they came all the way from Inverness.  But this Nordic God standing in front of her, ruined sweater or not, was well worth the drive.

“Aye?” He said.

“Sorry,” she said.  “I'm just talking to myself.”

“Oh?  Do that often do ye?” He asked and smiled the most endearing half smile she has ever seen.  She could not stop staring at this man in front of her.  Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, where the bloody hell has he been hiding her whole life?

“As a rule, no.  But tonight all the rules seem to be broken.” she said and smiled at him.

Her smile, it took his breath away.  It lit up the dark bar.  “Give me yer sweater and I'll have it cleaned and get it back to ye.  I'm sorry I'm such a clot-heid and stepped on it to begin with” he said and gently took the sweater from her.

“You don't need to do that, really,” she replied.  “I was the one that dropped it on the floor.  I can wash it when I get home, no worries.”   She noticed that he had licked his lips for the third time as she took her sweater back from him.  Each time she had thought he was going to kiss her, but he hadn't tried... yet.  The night was still young....

“No, I want to, ye ken.  No actually, I need to, I must insist.  I stepped on it, I should pay to have it cleaned.”  This time when he reached for it, she took it and held the sweater against her chest.

  “No, no thank you,” she said firmly.  She needed to get away from this man.  She needed air before she did something foolish.  “I was on my way to the loo.  I need to go” and she pointed her index finger over her shoulder.  

“Oh.” he said with a hint of sadness.  “Oohhhhh,” he added.  “Do ye need me to show ye where it is?”

'Ah, no.  I think I can read the signs...” and she pointed to the one that says Lavatories.

“Oh right,” he said.  “Weel I'd better get back to the bar.  It's pretty busy tonight.”

“Yes, it is fairly crowded in here.  Do you come here often?”  She asked and then blushed at why she really wanted to know.  She'd know where to find him if he did not pluck up the courage to ask for her phone number.

“Come here often?  Yeah, you could say that.  Weel, I best get back...” and he started to back away.

Well, see you around then.” and she turned, wobbled a bit, which made him smile, and walked away toward the loo.

“Uh ok, then.  Perhaps I'll see ye later then, aye Sassenach?” he said to her back as he watched her walk away.  That lovely round arse make'n that skirt swing like a flag in a breeze.  It was a thing of beauty to watch.  He smiled as she wobbled again.  The woman had 5 inch stilettos on, which clearly she could not walk in.  He was most definitely going to see her again, before this night was over, if he had to pull the fire alarm to do it.

  He started to turned and made his way back to the bar, totally ignoring his godfather's raised eyebrow when Laoghaire stopped him.  “There ye are, Jamie. I've got more drink orders that need fill'n” and she smiled sweetly and batted her eyelashes.  “Where were ye?  I looked everywhere fer ye.”

“Laoghaire, Willie's at the bar.  He is perfectly capable of mix'n ye drinks or pull'n a beer fer ye.  Now get on with ye” he said with irritation in his voice and he glanced back one last time as the verra bonnie woman wobbled toward the ladies loo. And he smiled.

Laoghaire followed Jamie's gaze and watched as the brown haired bitch had to put her hand against the wall to steady herself as she walked.  Drunk forbye she thought.  She then looked back at her Jamie's face.  Ooohh, he liked her, she could tell.  Well, she'd fix that.  Jamie was hers.

Once he got back behind the bar, it had been non-stop pouring drinks since. Hardly a chance to breathe let alone look for her.  He hoped she had'na left already.

“Jenny!” Willie called out and Jamie looked up from pulling two Heineken from the ice, pop'n the caps and sliding them to Laoghaire to add to her tray.  She already had the 4 margaritas and 1 vodka tonic and 1 whiskey sour.  All in the proper glasses with the proper garnishes, thank you very much Murtagh.  No wee umbrellas needed.

“Hey Jen, grab an apron and come relieve me” Jamie said.  “I need to help Murphy out in the kitchen and run the dishes.  We are going to run out of glasses if this keeps up” and he smiled at her.  What he was really going to do is give the bar a quick walk through to see if he could find the sassenach again.  He had let her get away without getting her name or phone number, the dolt that he was.

“Oh no ye don't,” she answered sharply.  “I'll go help Murphy in the kitchen and I'll find Murtagh to do the dishes.  Where is the wee grommel, anyway?  Taken a break in the alley, I suppose?”

“No, I needed another case of Ayinger and needed new hook ups on Guinness and Stella Artois so he's downstairs.  He should be up any minute” he answered.

“Good, then I have time to let my husband ken I am here” she said as she walked away, waving her hand over her shoulder.

Weel, at least Murtagh had not said anything about the lass when he had asked for the new hook ups.  That's a good thing, Jamie thought to himself.

“Hello again.”  A soft voice came from the other side of the bar.

He looked up to see who said 'Hello' and it was her.  Elbows tucked into her sides and leaning over the bar like she had read his mind earlier and ken he wanted to look down her blouse.  She had lovely wee breasts from what he could see of them.  He instinctively ran his moist tongue over his lips.  “What can I get ye?  On the house, for me step'n on ye sweater earlier.”

“Courage.  I need liquid courage” she said with a laugh.  “What do you have that meets that requirement?”

She smiled at him.  It made him stop breathing for a second.  She smiled not only with her lovely mouth, but with her eyes.  Not afraid to show the little lines at the corners when she did.  

“Oh, so you work here, do you?  Well, if you're offering to buy, I best tell you, I’m not cheap,” she said.  “Whiskey.  A good one, not that well drink crap you use in the mixed drinks either.  Make it neat.  Please.  And thank you.”  Her gaze never wavered.

  He laughed at that.  No one, in their right mind would ever think this woman was cheap.  She was a lady, for sure.  A strong, self-reliant one ta boot.  He wanted her, bad and he let her see it in his face.  “That would be either Laphroaig or Glenlivet.  Name your poison.”

Her smile broadened and she laughed.  Out loud.  Not a silly lassie giggle.  A real laugh and she leaned a little further forward… nope, no bra.  Now he ken he had to have her.  “If you're giving me a choice, I'll take the Laphroaig. I can buy my own drink, you know” she said and showed him her wallet.

“Aye, I don't think yer a vagrant, if that's what ye mean.  Let me rephrase that... I'd like to buy ye a drink, if I may...” and he placed his hands on the bar and leaned in so his face was a mere 6 inches from hers.  “I think ye're verra, verra pretty and I am quite smitten with ye.  I'd like a chance to get to know ye a wee better and perhaps ye'll give me yer name and phone number before ye go.  I'd like to see more of ye.  A lot more...aye?”

She opened her mouth to say something in reply, when one of the barmaids walked up, knocked her intentionally and starts calling out drink orders to him. Just interrupts their conversation.  Damn Geillis.  Damn stilettos.  It was a good thing Claire had been leaning on the bar or she'd have fallen over.  Claire turned and stared at the barmaid, her mouth slightly agape at the little blonde's rudeness.

“Laoghaire!” Murtagh called out from the other end of the bar.  “I'm make'n ye drinks.  Come over here and repeat the order ta me” and he waves his hand at her.

  Laoghaire looks at Jamie and then at Murtagh then back to Jamie.  “Ye always make my drinks for me, Jamie.  We're a team, aye?”  Eyes begging for him to make her order; lips pouting, eyelashes fluttering.

“Laoghaire.”  Murtagh says a little rougher.  “I'm make'n ye drinks.  Leave Jamie be.  Can ye no see he has a customer.”

Jamie smiles at his godfather, to thank him and turns to get the Laphroaig to pour her drink.

Laoghaire gives this new friend of Jamie's the once over from the top of her crazy, ugly brown hair all the way down to those stupid high heel shoes the woman could’na even stand in.  She then looks at her in the face and whispers, “He's mine, ye ken.  You stay away from him.”  Laoghaire, with a flip of her own blonde hair, turned on her heels and went to fetch her drink order from Murtagh.

Jamie, oblivious to Laoghaire's comments, turns around with a shot glass and the Laphroaig.  “Can ye make it down to the end of the bar in ye wee heels, then?  And he nods his head to the front end of the bar where it was less crowded and quieter.  “There's an empty stool for ye to sit and maybe I ken talk to ye for a bit, while it's slow, aye?  Ye can tell me all about why ye need courage...somethi'n tells me it's a fair good tale you'll tell.”

She laughed and nodded her head.  “I can walk in them.”  She starts to wobble down the bar to the available stool, steadying herself by placing a hand on a patron or two's shoulder when she needed to as she walked.  She downed the first shot in one swallow and slammed the glass down on the bar.

“Barkeep, I think I need another” and she tapped the bar next to the glass with her finger.  “Hit me again, please.”

Jamie raised an eyebrow and poured her a 2nd.  “Start talking.  What ever are ye afraid of?”

“I lost a bet and here I am.” She said resting her cheek on her hand.

Jamie mimicked her by leaning against the bar, placing his head between both fists.  Faces no more that a few inches apart.  “Why does that require liquid courage?” He asked.

“Because the winner got to select the night's activity, which is why we are here, and I am wearing clothes that I own but would never wear together as an outfit or in this fashion.”  Claire sat up and waved a hand down the front of her body as if it proved just how foolish she looked.

“Well if loosing a bet brought ye here to this bar, then I'm glad for it” he said.  “If that friend selected your clothes, and it's a change for you, then embrace it, for you look bonnie, verra bonnie indeed, Sassenach.  Although you might rethink the shoes, before ye hurt yerself.  Mark my words, ye're gon'na twist an ankle in them before the evening is through” he said as he reached out and tucked a wandering curl back behind her ear.  “I still do'na see the need for courage though.”

“Because, part of loosing the bet and the reason I am here and in this outfit, is I have to get up on that stage and sing.  Oh, and dance too” and she laid her forehead on the bar with a moan.  

Jamie could not help himself.  He bust out laughing.  Loudly.

“It's not that funny” she growled, raising her head from the bar and shooting him a look that clearly screamed she was feigning anger.

He laughed at her again.

And she smiled and giggled.  “Now you know why I need courage.  Hit me again barkeep.  My friends will be coming to lay claim to my body soon, the witching hour is almost upon us.  And I will never be able to show my face in this bar, nay, this town, again.  Maybe not even where I work if things go really badly.” She takes the whole shot, again, in one swallow.  “This is exactly why I do not attend Office Christmas Parties.”  She taps the bar next to her shot glass.  “One more before the executioner arrives, my good sir.”  

“I think I'd better cut you off, until after yer wee song and dance.  I'll pour as many as ye like after.”

“Promise?”

“Aye.  You are stouthearted for a lass, I'll give ye that.  Now let me come around and I'll help ye to yer friends.”

“Claire, there ye are.  I've been look'n everywhere fer ye.”  Suddenly, out of nowhere, Geillis was there with her arm around Claire.  “I thought ye said ye needed to use the loo one last time before we went on stage and yet I find ye here, with yer head in an empty glass.”

“My liquid courage,” Claire turned and said to her friend and held up the empty shot glass.  “He cut me off until after the show anyway.  Have you met my Nordic God, Geillis?  And Claire turned her head and looked at Jamie.

“Jamie?” Geillis said incredulously as she looked up at him.  “Jamie's the guy you've been non-stop yammer'n about for the last hour and a half?  Seriously? He's your Nordic God?” and she started to laugh.

Jamie stood there looking totally confused.  Women often had that effect on him.  He never understood their little in-side jokes.

“Yes.” Claire simply said.

“Geillis” Jamie started. “Geillis Duncan, ye ken this woman?  Is she here with yoo?” he asked in a voice that  was almost pleading for her to say yes.  “How is it, with all the others you have tried to set me up with, this one I have never met?”

“Aye, Jamie.  Claire's with me.  All three lasses I have introduced ye to, and I would'na call them friends, only acquaintances, ye have never called for a 2nd date.  Claire is a co-worker as well as a friend, why would I ruin that by introducing her to you?  Plus she is'na blonde.  Ye have a preferred type, remember?”  There is a flash of what looks almost like light in her eyes, then she does this apprising the situation glance thing by looking back and forth between Claire and Jamie as they are paying more attention to each other than anything else in the entire bar... they both, clearly, have little heart eyes for each other.  She smiles, one of her wicked, all knowing smiles

. Jamie knows that can'na be a good thing, no with Geillis.

  “Claire” Geillis starts and gentle grabs Claire's closest shoulder to get her attention.

  Claire turns her attention from Jamie to Geillis and blinks.

“Claire, I'd like to introduce ye to an old friend of mine, James Fraser.  James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser, to be exact, the, verra single, Laird of Broch Tuarach, his family's estate.  Jamie, I'd like to introduce you to one of my co-workers at the Inverness Hospital, Claire Beauchamp, the verra single Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp, to be exact, one of the staff OBGYN Doctors at the hospital.  And she took a step back to let that information sink in, her eyes never leaving their faces as they both turned and looked at each other in a whole new light.

“This is like Christmas has come early,” she said under her breath and claps her hands together quietly.  “Now that ye are properly introduced, I need to have 1/3 of my singing group back because we are up next.  Come Claire, Louise is waiting.  You can talk to Milord after ye sing” and she grabs Claire's arm and pulls her from the stool.

“I'm sorry Jamie, I should have said something....”

“I'm sorry Claire, I should've told ye...”

They said at the same time.

Jamie watched as Geillis dragged Claire away.  Claire wobbled and stumbled the entire way.  “Mo Sorcha” he whispered quietly.

  “What about the light?” Willie asked as he stood beside Jamie.  “Who is the Neighan Donn?  I've never seen her in here before.  She's bonnie Jamie.  She yer's?

“She will be before the end of the night if I have anything ta say about it, Willie.”  He turned and walked back to put the bottle of Laphroaig away until after her song.  He needed to find a better view of the stage.

“Next up is... One of Broch Mordha's own, Geillis Duncan....” Ian said into the microphone.  Some of the locals and two entire tables near the front all started clapping.

And up walked Geillis, a lass Jamie'd never seen before and Claire.  Claire seemed to be holding her own in those stiletto's right now.  She fidgeted with her shirt collar and smoothed her skirt and then took a mike.  The three of them stood there, Geillis had on a navy, sleeveless dress with white polka dots, Claire with her full navy polka dot skirt with white top and the nameless lass, maybe Louise, with a navy blouse with white polka dots and a fitted, plain navy skirt.  All three in high heels.  All three had mikes.

Ian cleared his throat.

  “Oh,” Gillis smiled and whispered to Ian what song they were going to be singing.

Ian smiled.  “Really?” And he raised an eyebrow.  “It's no on the list Geillis, ye ken.”

“Tell me ye and the lads do'na ken it by heart!  It's probably the first full song ye every played together, aye?” and she turned back around to to face the crowd.

“Alright fella, the lady wants Twist and Shout by the lads from Liverpool.  1.  2.  Ah 1.2.3.4.”

Claire sings lead, and she's got a nice voice.  Gillis and the other lass, Louise sing the back up.  All three dance the same steps and are almost synchronized... every once and a while one of them is off.  Claire throws a little change and instead of girl she changes it to lad while looking directly at Jamie. Her little skirt is swing in time with the band as she steps forward and back, side to side and shimmies her shoulders while they perform.

Well, shake it up, baby, now (Shake it up, baby) Twist and shout (Twist and shout) C'mon c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby, now (Come on baby) Come on and work it on out (Work it on out)

Well, work it on out, honey (Work it on out) You know you look so good (Look so good) You know you got me goin', now (Got me goin') Just like I knew you would (Like I knew you would)

Well, shake it up, baby, now (Shake it up, baby) Twist and shout (Twist and shout) C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby, now (Come on baby) Come on and work it on out (Work it on out)

You know you twist your little girl (Twist, little girl) You know you twist so fine (Twist so fine) Come on and twist a little closer, now (Twist a little closer) And let me know that you're mine (Let me know you're mine)

Well, shake it up, baby, now (Shake it up, baby) Twist and shout (Twist and shout) C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby, now (Come on baby) Come on and work it on out (Work it on out)

You know you twist your little girl (Twist, little girl) You know you twist so fine (Twist so fine) Come on and twist a little closer, now (Twist a little closer) And let me know that you're mine (Let me know you're mine)

Well, shake it, shake it, shake it, baby, now (Shake it up baby) Well, shake it, shake it, shake it, baby, now (Shake it up baby) Well, shake it, shake it, shake it, baby, now (Shake it up baby)

When it's over the bar erupts into cheer.  Jamie looks over to see Jenny and Murtagh stand'n right next to him.

He is beaming with pride.  Ear to ear grin.  His hands hurt from clap'n so hard.

“Care to tell me just who she is now or are ye gon'na make me wait until after closing?” Jenny turned to look at him as she rubbed her rather large baby bump. She wanted to see her brother's face as he told her he had finally found his heart.

He turned and looked down at Jenny.  “Claire, Jenny. Her name is Claire” as he rolled the name around in his mouth like a finely aged whiskey.  He walked out from behind the bar to the stage and lifted Claire down.  She rested her arms on his shoulders and ran her fingers through his soft red curls.  He did’na set her feet on the ground, instead he wrapped his arms tightly around her and kissed her as he walked away from the crowd.  They Tingled all the way.

[doriduckdoodles]

Marcus and Dori C-S Supports

Kept forgetting to post these so doing so now!

Marcus belongs to @draco-marco and Dori belongs to me!

C Support

~~

Dori: *training in the woods, swinging her sword* Hyah! Hah!

Marcus: *walking down the forest path with a sack full of wood* Tonights campfire will be lovely, I just know it!

Dori: *still swinging her sword, not realizing she wasn't alone*

Marcus: *sees Dori up ahead* Hey! Guess i'm not the only one here, they look pretty focused on whatever they're doing.. doesn't mean I can't say hi though!

Marcus: *makes his way over*

Dori: *decides to take a small break* Phew..! I think that's enough for now. Can't overdo it now...

Marcus: Eyy, if it isn't Dori!! *trips over a bush dropping all the fire wood* D'oh!

Dori: WAH!!! *jumps in surprise, whirling around with her sword pointed in the direction she heard the noise* ...Huh? Oh, i-it's just you L-Lord Marcus...

Marcus: *gets up* Yes tis I, Prince Marcus *looks at the wood scattered everywhere* Ehh I'll worry about that later. So! How ya doing?

Dori: Um...Good...I guess..?

Marcus: Good is great in my books! So yeah, just training? Is that all?

Y-yeah...Nothing real special...

Marcus: Say wouldya be up for some sparring? I haven't really had any matches in a while and I'm afraid I may be a liiiiiittle rusty around the edges. Don't worry about weapons though, I brought some with me cause you know what they say 'Always be prepared!'

Dori: Huh? Spar? With me? Really? Uh, well...We can spar, I guess..!"

Marcus: *unties the ribbon around his waist slightly to get his Practice Naginata from his back* Ta-dah! And just like that, we are ready to spar! *gets into his stance*

Dori: Now? Really? Uh, okay! *gets into an attack stance* Uh, so who starts?

Marcus: Three-Two-One GO *fakes an attack to trick her*

Dori: Eek!! *swings her sword in response*

Marcus: *goes into guard stance* Heh guess i'm not so rusty, but we'll see!

Screen Transition

Dori: *panting* Phew...That...was pretty intense...

Marcus: Wow, You really got the adrenaline going there Dori! Intense doesn't even half describe that!!

Marcus: And man did you leave quite a mark *points to a big scratch in his armour* Hey that actually looks quite cool

Marcus: Good game! GG for short! *gets off the ground*

Dori: Oh um, thanks..! *wipes sweat off her brow*

Marcus: If there's one thing i've learnt, is that your fighting style really is effected by where you live *wipes sweat too*

Dori: I guess...I mean, this is probably the first time I sparred with a Hoshidan...

Marcus: Like from what I know all Nohrians are relentless and hell bent on conquest, right?

Dori: ...Excuse me?!

Dori: That's not...Don't assume stuff like that!!!

Marcus: Not like it's their fault or anything, I was just-

Dori: Don't you even realize what you're saying? That oh, maybe, just MAYBE you could be offending someone? Well of course not, you don't care! Leave me alone, I don't want to see your face again! *storms off*

Marcus: That... went downhill prettyyyy fast, Ha! Guess even I mess up conversations sometimes, or maybe she's just over reacting... Meh oh well, may as well get this fire wood back to camp ASAP *picks up his stuff gets on his way*

~~

B Support

~~

Marcus: *polishing his weapons* Oooh~ ♪The dirt is so mean, but don't worry you will be clean! Clean like no one has ever seen, like a lean mean slicing machine!♪

Dori: *nearby* I think he should be somewhere around here...

Marcus: *starts to rhyme like mad and really gets into it* Huzzah! *points the katana at the sun* Haha! Bright as bright can be!

Dori: *sees him, can't help but laugh a little*

Marcus: *is about to move on to the next weapon, unaware of Dori's presence nearby* One down...loooads more to go!

Dori: *steps forward* Um, Lord Marcus?

Marcus: *nearly drops the katana* Pfft-Dori?! Why what a surprise!

Marcus: What brings ya?

Dori: Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you..!

Dori: Um...I just came here to apologize...For yesterday...

Marcus: Apologize? Oh think nothing of it! It's me who should be apologizing for what I said about Nohrians.

Dori: Still, I feel bad for blowing up on you like that…

Marcus: Say, would it make ya feel better if I talked about why I said that? Heh, It may make your reason for 'blowing up' more justified.

Dori: Huh? Oh, sure, if you don't mind..!

Marcus: First let me tell you that I trained with my siblings back in the day, and from what I remember they played fair, if I used a naginata, they would too. If I used a katana they used katana, not matter what, for fun or for training, we would always be even. And Sakura would heal any wounds afterwards.

Marcus: But from what I heard about Nohr... they actually have their soldiers attempt to try kill each other! I mean that isn't training at all, that's just carnage!

Marcus: And then there was that miniature war between the Royals of Nohr and their children, that Princess Camilla especially... I heard Her mother forced her to kill her own siblings in cold blood.

Marcus: So you can probably see why I think of Nohr the way I do...

Dori: .....Well, it's not all like that...A lot of people, like my mom, we've sparred all the time and we'd never take it to the point of killing each other...

Dori: As for the Nohrian Royal Family...I don't know how much of it is true...But that doesn't dictate that the common folk are like that too.

Marcus: There's always two sides to a story I guess, those who want the glory of Conquest and those who want the peace of their Birthright!

Dori: Or those who seek the truth in Revelations.

Marcus: You know that sounds oddly familiar... Bah nevermind! Let's get back on topic, say you should tell me more about Nohr sometime! I've only been there twice and that was only Nestra and the Nohrian border.

Dori: *smiles* I'd like that, and you can tell me all about Hoshido! I mean, even though it's my home country, I know nothing about it...

Marcus: Yeah, let's do that when I'm free! After I clean my weapons I gotta fulfill a promise and clean Rajinto and Fujin Yumi for my bros, so maybe some other time?

Dori: Alright, sounds good..! I look forward to it.

Marcus: See ya around Dori!

Dori: Bye..!

~~

A Support

~~

Dori: *looking for Marcus* Hmm, I hope he's not busy at the moment...

Marcus: Huh...cleaning weapons for everyone in camp may have been bit too generous, at least it didn't take too long though! *stands there in pride of his good deed*

Dori: Oh, there he is..! Hey, Lord Marcus!

Marcus: Hmm? Ayy Dori!! Looks like you came at the right time, I just finished cleaning everyone's weapons and yes, I mean everyone..!

Dori: Wow, really? That must have taken a long time..!

Marcus: You bet! Aside from that, I guess you've come to talk about Nohr like you said? *smiles*

Dori: Yep..! And you'll tell me all about Hoshido, right?

Marcus: Allllllll about it!

Marcus: Ladies first I guess, hit me in the face with everything you gotta say!

Dori: Well, first I'll tell you about my home town...

Marcus: *is all ears*

Dori: I grew up with mom in a small town far from the capital, so things were mainly peaceful and quiet. The townsfolk were very friendly and always eager to help out neighbors when they could. I...don't know if they knew I was an actual Hoshidan, or if they just didn't care, but they treated me nicely regardless.

Marcus: Good Gods, this is a side of Nohr I've never heard before!

Marcus: Do tell me more.

Dori: We also had a lot of farmers who I would often help with their crops. We grew a lot of different things like potatoes, corn, and lots more..! They'd even give me some to bring home and cook.

Dori: I should make you something some time, I know a thing or two about cooking. *laughs a bit*

Marcus: Oooh~ I've never tried the stuff Nohr grows! Let me know whenever you're in the Mess Hall and I’ll swing on by!

Dori: *smiles* I'll be sure to let you know. Is there anything in particular about Nohr you want to know? There's so many things to say..!

Marcus: Hmmmm... what's it like during the late hours? Sure it's always dark but I mean past any kids' bedtime.

Dori: Well, where I lived, pretty quiet. I always would stay up late at night when I was a kid just to see the moon outside. Sometimes you'd hear Wolfskin howl too in the distance, it was pretty cool.

Marcus: The wolfskin...I saw one when I was in Nestra as a kid, hanging around the meat stand of course, hah!

Dori: *laughs* That's to be expected, they are part beast after all!

Marcus: Haha! Ok, would'ya say it's my turn to hit you up with my life?

Dori: Sure!

Marcus: *takes a deep breath* Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down so i'd like to take a minute just sit right there... I’ll ya how I spent my as a prince of Hoshido!

Marcus: Alright songs aside... my life has been an quite the life alright, Hoshidan life is fun! Out basking in the sunlight while you play, train, do jobs the list goes on!

Marcus: I've always done good deeds for the locals, some could say I acted more like a villager than a prince! When I wasn't doing errands I’d be training with my siblings while Yukimura watched over us for Mikoto, but all the best memories I have are the moments I spent with Corrin! Drawing, playing with wooden Pegasi, riding those things Mechanists ride, Gods this list goes on as well!

Dori: Wow, that all sounds so fun..!

Marcus: You bet! Everyone back home would see me as if I was still my old child self, nobody is scared to ask me for help no matter how intimidating I appear.

Dori: Well I'm sure you weren't so tall back then too. *giggles*

Marcus: Around about five foot six inches by the age of ten, well now that you mention it that's still pretty tall

Dori: Wow, were you ever short??? *laughs*

Marcus: Hah! Mom always told me about how I was the biggest baby she's ever held, my legs must have dangled over her arms when she did hold me!

Dori: Still must’ve been quite cute!

Marcus: *blushes a bit* Aww... ya think so?

Dori: *nods, smiling* Yeah!

Marcus: *hears a call coming from a village nearby* Oh, it looks like someone needs my assistance! Hey It was amazing talking with ya about our lives growing up but I gotta go, see ya later?

Dori: Okay, I look forward to talking again..!

Marcus: *runs off to the village* See you soooooon!!

~~

S Support

~~

Marcus: Ahh~ After a long day of work... -gets in and is greeted by the relaxing feeling of warm water- this is the one thing I deserve! Especially after dealing with that stray faceless that villager told me to kill just now, my Kerberos Spear made short work of them! Hah!

Screen Transition

Marcus: My Gods... H- *yawns* How long have I been here...? Time does pass when you're... super relaxed I... guess *head starts to edge closer to the water's surface* ... *yawns again then closes eyes*

Screen Transition

Dori: Phew, I can't wait to soak in the hot springs...My body's all sore from training..! *steps inside* Hm? Is...Is someone in the water..? E-eek! There is!! *runs over and sees it's Marcus* Marcus?! H-hey! -pulls him out of the water-

Dori: What're you doing falling asleep in the hot springs?! Marcus, hey wake up!!!

Marcus: Wh..Where? Who's th- -opens eyes to see Dori not wearing anything- OH!! D-D-DORI?! -tries to pull himself together- H-Hey there... *getting awfully distracted* Dori... *faints*

Dori: Yah! Marcus?! Marcus wake up!!!!! *shakes him*

Marcus: *nose shows signs of bleeding* ...

Dori: .....I better put a towel on... *goes to do that*

Marcus: *suddenly wakes up again-* Wha- Was that a dream?! *looks up to see Dori again* Oh Gods it wasn't...

Dori: *crosses arms* What were you thinking?! Falling asleep in the hot spring!!!

Marcus: O-oh! Ummm uhh I just... was so relaxed and then it all just went white. *gets the sudden realization that he could have drowned* Dori, I...

Dori: Idiot..! You could have died..! If you died I... *bites her lip* I wouldn't...know what to do....

Marcus: *gets up* In the name of the Dawn Dragon you're right! You're... you're like a guardian angel that fate sent to prevent my coming demise! I...I don't know what to say about this…

Marcus: I don't know what to say other that, I owe you my life Dori! *starts to blush over what he's about to say*

Dori: *blushes as well* Th-that's a bit of an exaggeration, don't you think?

Marcus: Exaggeration? No way... if you weren't here Hoshido would no longer have the prince that is me, I would have been dead so please... I owe you my life, let me stay by your side so I can do the same whenever I can!

Dori: -blushes more- H-huh? Is...Are...Are you proposing to me..!?

Marcus: -takes her hands as his face goes all red- to be honest, I would be lying if I said no. *smiles*

Dori: M-Marcus....I....G-geez....So sudden..! But...I'd be lying if I didn't feel the same... *smiles*

Marcus: *gives her a big hug but begins to lose balance* I love you D-DooorrRRIII!! *accidentally brings her into the water with him*

Dori: H-huh!? Eeek!! *falls into the water, is now soaking wet* Marcus..!!!

[mizjoely]

Because insomnia has beset me yet again, I present a recap (strictly from memory) of (mostly) busted theories and speculation I remember from before the first two episodes aired (and a couple of things people got right), in no particular order. (Oh, and feel free to toss things on that I may have missed!)

Someone dies!

Unfortunately anyone who guessed “Mary” and “because of canon” was right.

DI Stella Hopkins is “obviously” a love interest for Sherlock (or Molly). Or possibly a mirror for Sherlock because of the way she dresses.

Welp, we only got a coupe of scenes with her in TST and she interacted more with Gavin Greg than anyone else so any “love interest” possibilities will have to be strictly fanon. As for the way she was dressed...gosh, a woman DI dressing in a professional manner shouldn’t really be such a surprise to people. (Yes, I’m rolling my eyes on the “yet another woman claimed to be a mirror for one of the male leads” theory.)

Oh, and “Mary is ‘obviously’ a mirror for Sherlock because she has curly hair and is wearing a suit in the promo pics.”

I just put this in here to roll my eyes at it, to be honest. Sorry not sorry if that offends anyone.(That holds true for ANY ‘insert female character name here’ is a mirror for John or Sherlock BS.)

““What’s the very worst thing you can do to your very best friends? Tell them your darkest secret.” Culverton Smith is talking to Sherlock (or possibly John).

Seriously, how could ANYONE have guessed he wasn’t talking to any of the regular cast, but was instead about to reveal his own dark secret to a bunch of his friends (and his daughter) while they were being drugged with an amnesiac?

The scenes with the Black Ops team is a memory/flashback from Mary’s past!

Also one folks got right. Go Mary, you badass!

Sherlock in the morgue looking stricken/distraught is because he’s seeing the dead body of John/Molly/Mycroct/someone who died because it was his (Sherlock’s fault)

It’s because he never met Smith’s actual daughter and he was freaking out about it

The line of nurses is a memory/mind palace scene/flashback to Sherlock being in some sort of institution. Bonus: One of the nurses is Mary (after TST: Mary isn’t really dead!)

The nurses were real, no, Mary wasn’t one of them, it had nothing (directly) to do with Sherlock at all.

The scene with the people with the IVs in the middle of the street was a mind palace scene/memory/flashback, and they were patients of some kind and it was connected to the nurses.

It was a mental reconstruction of something Sherlock had been told and related to a case, and it was connected to the nurses, but who could have possibly guessed it was Culverton Smith’s friends and daughter being given a drug to wipe their memories?

Sherlock is eating chips with a woman! She must be his love interest! No, she’s a client! She’s Victor Trevor! She’s Harry Watson AND possibly Sherlock’s love interest (he’s been romantically linked to another self-declared lesbian, after all)! It’s not a real scene, it’s a mind palace scene!

Kudos to all who insisted it must be a client, but of course no one guessed it was Culverton Smith’s daughter. 

They’re filming in a church, it must be John and Sherlock’s wedding! No, it’s a christening!

Well, we all know which of those two theories was true.

The sillhouetted figure in a hospital room is John and the person in the bed is Sherlock.

Yup, that one was true. Of course some folks thought it was Smith and some folks thought the person in the bed was Mary, even after she’d been killed (in that case it was “because she didn’t really die” and MAN do I wish that guess had been true!)

John is slamming Sherlock up against the wall in the morgue scene because it’s his fault Mary died.

Sadly this one was true as well.

“Thatcher. Sherrinford. Smith.” Thatcher will have to do with Margaret Thatcher, Sherrinford has something to do with “The Oher One” and “Smith” means “Culverton Smith” from “The Dying Detective”

Yes on all three counts. This was actually the easiest of the one-word clues they’ve given us, at least in my opinion.

This doesn’t technically belong on this list because it’s not based on trailers or setlock, but what the heck: The baby will be named fill-in-the-blank (my personal favorite was Isabelle).

Seriously, I don’t think I saw Rosamund or Rose as a name for the Watson baby in any of the fics I read, but I do recall at teast on Sherlolly baby with that name. My crack theory on that is that Moftiss had an intern scour a bunch of fics and make a list of names people guessed so they could eliminate them from contention.

Also, I don’t think anyone guessed that “Mary” was actually part of Mary’s real name. Or that she named the baby after herself! I love that she did because hey, men name their sons after themselves all the time, why shouldn’t women do the same?

The burning house in one of the trailers is Sherlock’s parents’ house.

That one was quickly debunked and has been replaced by speculation that it’s Sherrinford, the place where Eurus was being held, which remains to be seen.

The third Holmes ‘brother’ is actually a sister.

Awesome job on that one, everyone who guessed it!

And last but not least on this rambling list... “The Kiss will happen in this season.”

Well, so far it’s two strikes on THAT theory.

The women will have larger roles this season because of Sherlock’s speech at the end of TAB (and Mycroft’s assertion that “this is a war we have to lose because we are wrong”).

Mary had a lot to do both before and after she died. Molly so far has been shown to be important in John and Sherlock’s lives by being named one of baby Rose’s godmothers, and by being the one Sherlock asks to bring an ambulance to John’s therapist’s house. And come ON, who could have possibly guessed it was Hudders behind the wheel of the Aston Martin? Or that she’d have Sherlock handcuffed in the trunk? That bit was bloody BRILLIANT! And the Big Bad is not only a woman but also a Holmes, what’s not to love about that?

On the other hand...Molly’s only had one scene per episode so far (well, two very small ones in TST and one longer one in TLD). Not nearly enough, in my opinion!

Sherlock is faking his illness/drug use in TLD because he did so in “The Dying Detective”.

Alas, he was actually using, albeit under Wiggins’ supervision. 

Sherlock gets some kind of conditional/temporary pardon because of the Moriarty broadcast (yes, this wasn’t a setlock/triailer speculation, but it’s something we all feverishly theorized about), and we’ll see a lot of detail on it because it’s so important considering how HLV and TAB ended.

LOL LOL LOL Nope, Mycroft fakes some footage so it looks like Sherlock didn’t actually shoot Magnussen and instead a trigger-happy anonymous Spec Ops soldier did. Sherlock gets a free pass and goes his merry way.

And related to that...the Moriarty case will be front and center from the very start!

Yeah, about that...and seriously, did Sherlock actually mean it when he said “And I know what he’s going to do next” at the end of TAB? Because unless the answer is “absolutely nothing for a long-ass time” he was full of crap.

OK, that’s it for now. If I think of others I’ll revise this post. And again, if you have your own “no one called it/we totally called it” moments, please feel free to add them to this!

Sherlock looking all wild-eyed and pointing a gun at someone/something in his flat is actually him in his mind palace. (Hell, ANY guess of “mind palace” since virtually every scene was labeled “possible mind palace” at one point or another).

Nope, it was real. And it was him shooting at his case wall out of drug-fueled frustration. And who the HELL could have guessed he’d be quoting Shakespeare whilst doing so? Dayum!!