labasstonade

[yoohyeon]

Saw that the Tumblr icon on my iPad changed so I went to see what’s up and WE FINALLY CAN REPLY WITH THE BLOG WE WANT !!! THANK YOU !!! Now staff make it so when you block someone it’s block on all sb too thanks I’m tired of blocking 3 times

[puella-1n-somn10]

☀️What your favorite parent from the Sun and Moon anime says about you🌙

CW: SUGGESTIVE JOKES AHEAD. THIS IS ALL MADE IN THE SPIRIT OF FUN AND IS IN NO WAY THERE TO MAKE JABS AT OTHERS.

Kukui: There is a 70% chance that you are a gay man, and I mean this not out of a place of judgement, but experience with the fans. The cause tends to differ between his game and anime incarnations, but, in the latter's case, not only are you happy about his character being developed there, but also are happy to see Ash having that father figure he craved so badly.

Burnet: You've probably popped the BIGGEST bottles when you've recognized her all the way back from Dream Radar, and have managed to get even bigger bottles when she and Kukui got married. Honestly, most of the Burnet fans I saw were real chill people. So long as you're not one of those Gen 5 fans, I have no mean words. The chillest group.

Guzma: Oh, hello, LGBTQ+ community. Either that, or you relate to him and Team Skull on levels that may be deemed as unhealthy. You're a bit on the feral side; chaotic gremlins who will not only listen to whatever combination between Breakcore and Metal there is, but would also make it your neighbors' problem. You understand the pressure of having to succeed in life and inevitably breaking under it, only to receive no compassion nor any form of apology from your elders. Also, def neurodivergent.

Plumeria: Two possibilities; either you're definitely a lesbian and/or trans gal, or are a hardcore Guzmeria shipper- though, it is more than likely that you're both. You love a good ol' girlboss who is not necessarily a villain; someone who was hardened up by experience, but is still, at the day's end, a human. Either you were the one who needed protecting back in the day, or were that protector; either way, you, too, deserved better in life.

Lusamine: Just like Professor Kukui, the reason as to why she's your favorite depends HEAVILY on which Lusamine from which canon we're talking about. Maybe you like the overzealous Lusamine who is presented as a person with actual flaws that hurt everyone around her - including herself - without her knowledge. Maybe you like the prospect of a morally ambiguous Lusamine who is ready to do everything for "the greater good" even at the cost of hurting others, including her own family. Orrrrrrr maybe you have had a parent like Lusamine in the Sun/Moon games, a classic narcissistic parent, and want to hold out to the hopes that, just like her, your own folks would see the error of their ways; that they would actually apologize to you and finally start improving on themselves rather than drag everyone else around them through the mud of their own misery.

Mohn: There is a high chance that you just want the family back together; you reminisce on the old days where they were complete, before they incident with the ultra wormhole, before Lusamine inevitably lost her marbles, but such is the way of life, right? The ultra games were your golden era, and his anime debut? Let's just say that your wishes FINALLY came true after so long. You love fix-fics and those surrounding the pain of amnesia a bit too much.

Abe/Mallow's dad: Him being a hunk - a himbo - aside, the trauma, the potential, the raw emotion; all there as garnishes for this fine steak of a man and you love each and every one of them. His incompetence and portrayal as a neglectful parent in Mallow and the Forest Teacher forever gives you the ick, but you either tend to ignore it or use that as another source of angst potential.

Mallow's mom: I just know your ass is either suffering from trauma, sudden loss, anxiety, fear of death, or a combination of the above. Yes, you wish she could have been developed a little more, but at least we got a huge chunk of her personality and even development in one episode, which is nothing short of impressive. Also, you like hurt/comfort fics.

Sima/Kiawe's mom: You're right.

Rango/Kiawe's dad: Autism rep? In MY Pokémon anime?! Sorry, but it is so frustrating to see that ya'll are few and far between - just as shy and anxious as your husbando -, but I know you guys exist! Please, let yourselves be known! I would kill just to see some more content regarding him! Also, I just know you love meganes, and, of course, there's nothing wrong with that.

Sophocles' dad: Traumatized. You probably crave the very affection he's giving his wife and kid, and seeing an honest, brash, funny man like him who isn't an abusive rat gave you whiplash initially, but eventually you wanted more. Crafting and/or gardening lover, and maybe a lore fanatic as well because how the FUCK do you know about all the things he's done for Sophocles' happiness from scattered dialogue alone? Also, like Kukui fans, there's a high chance you're neither straight nor cis.

Sophocles' mom: Also traumatized. Maybe a little bit on the autism spectrum, too. Back when the anime first aired, you were scared that maybe the dynamic between and her hubby was imbalanced, until later episodes began to showcase that she is more in charge than he is. You're probably a quiet person irl who is hiding nothing but the most chaotic of thoughts. You wanna try the malasadas she makes at least once.

Lana's mom: I'm saying this right now; if you are well over the age of 20, you are not seeing the pearly gates after the Day of Resurrection.

Lana's dad: Nothing but respect. A man with a design that irradiates potential having less dialogue than Sophocles' mother is infuriating, and the lack of content being made around him by both canon and the fans is even worse, but you don't let that bother you. Either you're the less degenerate version of the fans of his wife, or just like him because he looks way too much like Archie for it to be a coincidence.

[foofmakesanalt]

Before people read this and go “Foof thinks blah blah blah” I most likely have autism and not all of these are my points. Some are my mothers. I also am not looking to create representation out of nothing. This is a post based loosely on a long conversation I had. It’s basically based off of cliff notes. So some things may not translate. I’m open to a discussion about whether or not he has it. But I will block bad actors who take my message as the worst possible interpretation. I see parts of myself in Roman. I also acknowledge that Roman can be a monster and is an irredeemable character.

Does Roman have autism?

Sensory issues(?) steak over Chicken. ED

Kieran has stated that Roman has an ED. Which could have started from issues with textures leading to a desire for control over those textured foods. It could also just be him seeking control. This is a loose point. But as someone who has issues with food textures, I know for me I find chicken to be a game to eat, Roman could have issues with the texture of chicken meat and therefore was having meltdowns (not tantrums) over being forced to eat something that he found deeply unpleasant over and over. Knowing boomers and up, children were often forced to eat everything on their plate, whether they liked it or not. They were forced to wear things whether or not they liked the texture of the fabric, forced to attend social gatherings regardless of whether or not they were comfortable with the level of noise. Roman could have sensory issues with physical touch from people he is not comfortable with or in his eyes, in control of.

Not understanding social cues. (Wedding BPD speech (why is everyone laughing)

There are many, many moments in the show where Roman misses social cues or misunderstands what people are saying to him, where he thinks the wrong things are the case or he doesn’t know why people are responding to him in certain ways. As Kieran has stated, Roman doesn’t lie. The biggest example I can think of off the top of my head, his speech at Shiv’s wedding. “I don’t feel like I’m losing a sister, I don’t feel like I’m gaining a brother either. Uh, I don’t feel anything… It's a mental disorder. It’s called borderline personality disorder. Why is everybody laughing?” Which could be a joke, but Roman says the truth in a funny tone to make it sound like a joke. And throughout his speech, he looks confused and a bit lost. There are also moments between him and Gerri. The constant hot and cold of the relationship leading him to believe it’s a game and not understanding that she genuinely wants him to stop sending her dick pics. As well as plenty of others that I once again can not think of off the top of my head.

Meltdowns/fits/frequent tantrums of anger (chicken VS steak)

He is very temperamental. When things become overwhelming, he freaks out. Sometimes through verbal abuse, other times just shutting down. He goes through sudden moments where he can’t handle the pressures of his life and he has (what I believe to be) meltdowns over the stressors. Like with the Chicken VS Steak debate. They were afraid that giving in to his “tantrums” would make him believe that he could get anything he wanted from them. Yet after repeatedly being told no, he was still doing the same thing? Children eventually learn that not getting what they want means they can give up on the “tantrums” but not Roman. He still has moments where he does the same thing to this day.

Comorbidity of BPD ASD or just misdiagnosed?

A lot of these can be explained by BPD, but my mother believes that it’s just ASD, I think it could be both. The instability of his relationships and life would only be exacerbated by ASD, his rationale of “The second someone is even slightly not on my side = they are my enemy” is a form of black and white thinking that could be present with both. I do believe there is a high chance I am in the wrong about ASD, I just think it’s an interesting possibility.

Mirroring Logan (thus getting beat)

Roman mirrors his father. The most powerful person he knows. A lot of that mirroring causes his father to see a toxic person (himself) in Roman. One of the many reasons he beat Roman.

Inability to understand the social behaviors of everyone else.

This goes back to the social cues point, but is slightly different. He doesn’t understand where he stands a lot of the time. Frequently being used by the nearest person, being told he is the one, being told that his cooperation with Menckin will secure him, believing that people see him as a viable solution to problems like the position of CEO because he was told in order to be manipulated. When people around him find him annoying but he thinks he’s just the bees knees. Or alternatively, when he thinks people find him annoying when he’s surrounded by people that care about him (his exes).

Not telling lies (truth disguised with humorous tone)

He doesn’t like to lie to people, he wants to tell the truth. But he learned that telling things like they are gets him punished, so he disguises what he says into a more acceptable manner. Using a humorous tone to create the illusion of a joke, and trying to gain social acceptance by being the jester.

“You’re not a real person.”

Masking, Kendall notices it. Roman tries to present himself as someone other than who he really is. Roman has a lot of traits that make him the “runt” of the pack and he tries to hide those through a bravado that he musters up.

Issues with touch from others (intimacy (could be molestation)

This could just be because he was (potential) molested as a child by someone. But it could also be a sensory thing. All of the parts of the body that are gross to him, constantly moving against someone, the heat, the feelings, it’s all a very overwhelming sensory nightmare. Something that could make him want to avoid it at most costs.

Not understanding where the line is (dark vs vicious humor) saying things he shouldn’t) all of the incest and molestation jokes)

He knows there’s a line, and he tries to tip toe it, but he repeatedly fails, constantly pushing the boundaries too far and crossing the line then getting offended when people call him out for it because “I’m the jester, that’s what I do?” He can’t help but try to get reactions out of people the only way he knows how. Then gets upset when it goes wrong.

Emotional immaturity

Roman struggles to keep up with the people around him, he finds the things he likes, and he sticks with them. So when he fell behind, (and was punished for it) he didn’t continue to develop.

Can’t sit comfortably (or be in any situation comfortably)

No matter the situation, he seems to be squirming and uncomfortable. He doesn’t know how to handle himself in situations and when he is trying to look cool or casual, he fails.

“Anything could be a lifeboat” “Porn could be a lifeboat” “except for that”

Could be another joke, could be Roman taking the situation seriously and trying to come up with the edges of what parameters Kendall has set.

Oversharing “I like your girlfriend” “I met her at a sex party where she was giving the groom a blowjob”

He is very open and blunt about what he does, who he likes, if something is right or wrong in his opinion. He will share what he thinks, and he will not ask if you want him to.

His empathy (not in a “no empathy” way, but a “high capacity for it” that is bursting at the seems of the socially acceptable “no empathy” façade)

Out of all of the characters in the main cast, Roman is typically the first to act like he has no empathy, and also the first person to try and help others who have been in the path of destruction. He knows that in his family his empathy is not acceptable, so instead he decides to be a monster. But sometimes his actual empathy for people slips through.

Black and white thinking(?) (Matsson Switch friendship)

This one I don’t have many examples for, it’s more of a “wait, does he do this? I think he does?” Kind of thought. But he goes from 0-100 very quickly. He is either with you or against you. He doesn’t like to have middle grounds.

[hismercytomyjustice]

Alack, I finished work too late to nap. 😭

Now I play the dangerous game of trying to stay awake while also hoping and praying I don’t get a second wind…

Also my therapist murdered me today. T_T It was a very good session, but DAMN she laid out some truth bombs.

We’re working on some light exposure therapy now on a potential obsession/compulsion we’re trying to verify. Nothing too intense, but it’s my first real time doing it so we’ll see how it goes.

Apparently there’s also ICBT that’s tailored specifically toward folks with autism and OCD, so that’s pretty cool.

I had a formal Autism assessment a few months ago that kind of came back inconclusive. The administrator had been considering the diagnosis but her supervisor said I wasn’t showing Autism signs in enough areas in my life.

The assessor and my therapist both feel there’s a chance that I do have it though. My therapist told me today she felt I checked enough boxes, but she’s not a specialist in Autism.

Part of the difficulty is that ADHD, OCD, and Autism all massively overlap. ESPECIALLY OCD and Autism (see pic below).

So I’ve kind of been in limbo. I have two professionals saying it’s a maybe, but nothing definitive. If I don’t have it, my ADHD and OCD align in such a way that it mimics it pretty well.

The thing is, I’ve been told I’m REALLY good at masking by my therapist. I also score really high for masking on assessments. I think if I’d done this assessment in high school, there’s a chance I would’ve gotten the diagnosis without any doubts involved. But am I ADHD masking, Autism masking, or both?

Was I just an anxious, socially awkward kid who only needed practice interacting with people? Or did I just learn to mask/camouflage?

My therapist said she’s going to look more into what indicates autism vs OCD, but it’s not an easy thing to do. Folks are often misdiagnosed because of how similar they can be.

She also suggested we create my own venn diagram like the above with my personal experiences/traits to see if we can tease more of it all out into the open.

I’m kind of a late diagnosed OCD and ADHD person. I’ve spent a lot of time over the past few months trying to better understand what I can attribute to ADHD, OCD, both, or neither so I can be mentally healthier and develop strategies accordingly.

I am really excited about the therapy homework she’s given me on this front because there’s a chance my need to verify whether or not I have Autism is being caused by my OCD. It’s a vicious cycle of “I’m pretty confident I have it and I have multiple professionals telling me it’s a possibility” to “I don’t want to accidentally co-opt something that isn’t true and be one of those mental illness/disorder/etc fakers” and around and around we go!

Thankfully it’s not leading to full blown distressing thoughts or anything. It’s more just frustrating/annoying not knowing for sure.

And the thing is, there’s a lot of healthy coping techniques that can suddenly become unhealthy if the OCD gets ahold of them. It’s normal to look for reassurance or to want answers for something like this. It can just be a fine line to walk.

My therapist told me today that one of the difficult things about OCD is that the obsessions have a hint of truth to them. Like, it’s very important to me not to claim something I don’t have because I know how fucked up that can be and how it makes it harder for people who actually do have it to get the help they need. That is a true statement. But am I just trying to be aware of that and to respect the community? Or am I working myself into an OCD loop over whether or not I’m a bad person if I could be mistaken that I have Autism?

I was talking to her too about how helpful it’s been to work through this stuff via journaling. I journal off and on, but doing it on tumblr makes it easier to not overthink it or expect too much of myself.

I feel like I’ve been learning a lot about myself though, so I’m glad for that.

Now back to trying to stay awake…

[seasidefallenangel]

hq characters with a neurodivergent s/o

✰ neurodivergency refers to someone with adhd and/or autism.

sugawara koushi;

○ he tries his best to offer as much support as possible. he can’t say he understands a lot of it, but he absolutely sympathizes with you. you don’t have to worry a ton when you have more off days, or in the event you have rsd, that he’ll get upset with your feelings. he knows you genuinely can’t help it, and very rarely gets upset to point where he’d need a little distance from you

○ picks up on the concept of hyperfixations fairly easily. he can’t even begin to imagine how horrible it is - if one day he woke up and his passions meant nothing to him anymore. if you have a hard time making friends because of how quickly and intensely your interests change, he makes an effort to try and get into some of the new stuff you pick up. he can’t always guarantee he’ll like it or anything, but he’s always willing to listen to you infodump

○ if he spots any sort of fidget toy/stressball/etc, he’ll buy one for you. he’s not sure if they actually help you a lot, but you always seem super grateful for it. he’ll take notice of what ones you tend to reach for more and try to gear towards getting those ones for you

○ as patient as he is, he does have his moments where he can get overwhelmed with you. times where your impulsivity, aggression or other symptoms of neurodivergency become too much for him to handle can lead to him snapping a little. he’ll make sure to leave the room as he knows it’s not your fault and you don’t act like this on purpose, but he’s only human. he makes sure afterwards to let you know he’d never blame you for what you can’t help, and to not be too hard on yourself in these situations

nishinoya yuu;

○ there’s honestly a fair chance he had adhd himself, even if he doesn’t realize it. you’ve never explicitly said you think he is to his face, but sometimes you hint that the way you treat certain things is really similar

○ he’s a big believer that being spontaneous keeps a relationship fun and interesting, which is both a blessing and a curse. on some days, something new and unknown is exactly what you need to stimulate your brain and keep your attention. other days it’s hard to find purpose in doing anything at all, and keeping up with his energy proves to be difficult

○ he really doesn’t want to get annoyed with you, but it tends to happen pretty often. he recognizes you’re not purposefully trying to make him mad and in return he’ll try his hardest to never lash out at you. there’s been a few moments where it was just  impossible to control himself (another sign of someone who’s nd, you noted afterwards), but both of you understand each others grievances and are able to work past it

kageyama tobio;

○ at first, he’s not going to take you seriously. he’s the type to say that you're just avoiding your problems, making up excuses, overreacting. the “if you want to do something, then just do it” type of person. he doesn’t really think he’s coming off as being an asshole, but when there’s a very noticeable rift between the two of you, he starts racking his brain for what might’ve made you upset and eventually puts two and two together

○ it takes time, as many things like this do. you’ll have to really sit down and explain things to him, and he slowly starts to understand. he’ll tell you some of this stuff reminds him of himself before brushing it off and never questioning it again. you absolutely suspect he’s on the spectrum but won’t bring it up until he either asks you or starts thinking about it himself - which happens when you accidentally mention how volleyball seems to be his special intrest

○ it can be... difficult to say the least. he can’t really keep up all that well with sudden shifts and the irritability you often show over things that seemingly don’t matter. sometimes it’s hard for him to not take things personally, and the fact you two seem so similar in this regard raises a fair amount of problems. you both have to learn from the issues and work together to co-exist peacefully, but it’s very worth it in the end

tsukishima kei;

○ tsukishima will pick on almost anyone for almost anything. this is something he will absolutely never joke about. he made the mistake once early on - something about a test grade - and had to deal with your emotional outburst, following a meltdown, over how you tried so hard but nothing makes sense. you can’t just sit in a class and learn like he does, you’ll never be normal, never be good enough-

○ he had to stop the downward spiral in the middle of the sidewalk, but he was too shaken up to worry about embarrassment. that sort of reaction wasn’t normal by any means, and when he got home that night he tried looking into why exactly that happened. the complete shift in attitude the next day was jarring you to, but the genuine apology was even more jarring. he doesn’t apologize easily, but something about having made fun of a neurological disorder you’ve suffered with your whole life just doesn’t sit well in his stomach

○ he picks up extremely quickly, even for him. he’s very perceptive of when you’re more on-edge than usual and reminds himself to be patient with you. he’s not coddling in public (unless you’re having some sort of breakdown or panic attack) but it’s noticeable that he doesn’t make any sort of jabs at you like he does with most others

○ helps tutor you without any gripes. he won’t lie and say he gets how hard it is for you to understand certain concepts, but he’s aware things don’t come as easily to other people like it does to him. very thorough in explaining whatever you have difficulty with and tries coming up with real life examples to help it make more sense. if it does become too much for him (he’s still a high schooler regardless of how he acts), he’ll end the session and let you know it’s nobody’s fault 

kuroo tetsurou;

○ one of, if not at the top of the list, the best people to date if you’re neurodivergent. he takes this extremely seriously and doesn’t doubt you at all when you explain how it feels like everyday your disorder slowly rips you apart until there’s nothing left. every part of your life is affected by this and he wants to be able to help you feel as normal as possible despite everything weighing you down

○ puts a lot of time and research into your disorders. he wants to understand what’s helpful and what’s counterproductive without bothering you about it since he doesn’t know if you might react badly. he has a very good balance of figuring out how to help you cope in certain scenarios even if they’re not ideal and removing you from a situation where things are just too heavy for you to handle

○ he really stresses how important it is you talk to him about your boundaries, things you need, moments where you’re overwhelmed, etc. he can’t imagine life has been that easy for you thus far and tries to do everything he can, from helping with schoolwork, getting fidget toys, introducing you to new things that may help, and anything in between. he never wants you to feel as if you’re a burden or difficult because of what you can’t control, and will bend over backwards to prove it

kozume kenma;

○ kenma is fairly well versed in online topics and this is one that comes up often. given how perceptive he is towards the world around him, he was pretty easily able to figure out that something was different about you far before you started dating. he doesn’t speak about it much with you but does a lot behind-the-scenes to help make everyday life easier

○ given that kenma is always getting into new games and franchises, he’s able to help make the time in between hyperfixations more bearable. you had described to him how empty and monotone everything feels when you aren’t focused on something specific and he really hates picturing you so lifeless because your brain just won’t let you consume things normally. even if you aren’t playing the game so much as just watching his do it, he feels better knowing there’s something distracting you

○ something important to remember is that you’re not the only one who can act out or get overwhelmed easily. kenma hates being pushed out of his comfort zone and imagines it the same for you, so he makes sure to never put you in a place where you might face sensory overload or anything of the sort. he expects the same treatment back. infodumping is fine and he’ll nod and listen to you, but if there’s a point where you become suffocating then he’ll ask you to take a step back and give him a moment. wants to avoid triggering anything rsd-related so he’ll specify this isn’t your fault and that everyone makes him feel this way at some point

oikawa tooru;

○ quite possibly one of the worst people to go through this with you at the start. oikawa puts his soul into everything he does even if it shatters him, so some of your behaviors might not sit well with him. a lot of people who are neurodivergent have something they naturally excel in and in the same vein, end up dropping or disregarding because they no longer hyperfocus on it. it reminds him too much of a certain kouhai who had all the ability oikawa did with none of the years of practice it took him to get there, and puts a bad taste in your mouth

○ explain to him it’s not fair that he treats you in a way that implies you enjoy living like this, because you’d give anything to keep interests you have for longer than a few weeks or months, regardless of how much you try to force yourself to stay into it. he re-evaluates himself and realizes he’s in the wrong. he’ll never fully understand how it affects you but he’ll listen and learn about it, ask questions, study how he can help. he compares how you hyperfixate to how much he’ll focus on volleyball and knows this has to be an equally giving relationship in regards to respecting the other interests

○ he’ll have his moments where he can’t pretend that he’s able to handle your mood swings and inability to just sit down and pay attention to something. you tell him he wouldn’t be normal if he was somehow okay with everything you do. an afternoon where he practices in the gym by himself and you sit and binge watch something is good enough for some breathing room without causing any unclosable rift to appear. he’ll may sure he’s listening intently when he comes home and you go into detail about a new hobby of yours. he’s trying his absolute best, i promise you

bokuto koutaro;

○ it’s highly likely bokuto has adhd himself. it’s one of those things adults just say to kids when they’re being hyperactive without actually knowing all the things that come with having adhd, but the older bokuto got the more he looked into it and realized it might actually be a thing for him. there’s a lot of neurodivergent-related issues you have that sometimes fly over his head or he has to go back and think about again, but he’s the last person who ever wants to cause any issues for you

○ he’ll ask you questions regarding if you think he has adhd and some of the signs that make it recognizable. he’s terrified at the idea volleyball might just be a hyperfixation of his, but feels much better when you explain special interests and how if anything it would fall under that category for him. these conversations are a very intimate bonding moment for both of you, given how vulnerable you really have to be to let all your weaknesses be known without worry of ridicule. he wouldn’t trade the knowledge of having your trust so deeply for the world

○ bokuto, for as supportive as he is, can stimulate your brain in a bad way. he’s easily excitable and often has volume issues, and more than a few times has he triggered sensory overload for you. he feels horrible whenever it happens and wants to comfort you so badly, but knows the best thing is for him to just quiet down and leave you be. he never takes it personally and goes into “emo mode” because he knows how serious it can be. the only time he’ll get close in this moments is if you have a panic attack because of it in which case he tries helping you steady your breath and stop shaking. normally you’d hate being touched when you’re like this, but his arms and warmth work wonders for your psyche

tendou satori;

○ it’s terrifying how in-tune he is with you. it’s almost like you’re just talking about the weather instead of you trying to scratch the skin off your arm while your brain got the better of you. stimming, hyperfocusing, lack of interest, social interaction issues, you can talk to him about literally anything related to your neurodivergency and he’ll be on the exact same wavelength as you. he’s able to adapt very easily and can read your irritability, mood swings and any triggers you might have. is excellent at getting you out a situation before it becomes too much for you to bear

○ tendou is another character who always has something new to show you, so he’s also very good at filling the gap between hyperfixations. he’s somehow able to completely keep up with your infodumping and even will do something similar of the sort right back you. he loves finding new games and anime and will automatically partake in anything you show him. it really helps you mentally since you never feel like you’re talking too much or uncomfortably passionate about anything since he seems so genuinely interested in what you have to say

○ is extremely protective and defensive of you when it comes to others questioning why you act a certain way or do certain things. there’s probably a little bit of a personal tie there since he got bullied for being different when he was a kid, and he absolutely hates when people are derided because they don’t follow the falsely conceived notion of normalcy. you’re not harming anyone, why should it matter what you’re doing? if you’re insecure about stimming in public though, he invests in fidgets cubes for you to keep in your pockets to play with secretly so nobody notices anything out of the ordinary. his main goal is to make sure you’re happy no matter how much your head tries to tell your otherwise. really, he just loves you more than anything else

kita shinsuke;

○ if anyone else treated this the way mr. no gaps does, you’d absolutely freak out on them - but for some reason since it’s kita it comes off as comforting. he’s the type that doesn’t let you use disorders as a restriction or excuse to let yourself settle for mediocrity, but he makes it obvious that he wants to see you thrive despite the things holding you back. he’ll never put you in a situation he thinks will trigger any sort of attack, rather things he know you can handle if you put a little more faith in yourself and your abilities

○ if he sees you’re spiraling and can’t take any sort of outside forces interacting with you a ton then he’ll make sure you have a day or two off to yourself. he won’t criticize or ridicule you for anything and goes along with whatever whims you feel (or in same cases, don’t feel like doing anything at all.) understands there’s a very important balance you need to maintain in order to go through life feeling even semi-decent and doesn’t want to jeopardize any progress you’ve made towards helping yourself

○ likes to play casual volleyball in the backyard when you’re stable and attentive enough to understand what’s going on around you. if it becomes a hyperfixation of yours then he’ll be glad to go more in depth so long as it doesn’t hit a point where it’s damaging your ability to interact with anything else. he’s a big believer that moving your body and being outside helps relax you, even if you’re not enthusiastic at the moment about it. he won’t let anybody - not your family, not an outsider, not even yourself - look down on you for any disability you have

✧·ﾟ: *✧·ﾟ:* 　　 *:·ﾟ✧*:·ﾟ✧

✰ this was stupid self indulgent but idc!! i’m neurodivergent myself and let it be known that if you say you have hyperfixations and you’re not nd i will stick your arm in a deep fryer <3

[silenthillmutual]

daniil dankovsky is autistic and here’s why:

because i’m autistic and i said so

i kid, obviously. what sort of autistic person would i be if i wasn’t read to back up my silly little claim with an overly long post of evidence a total of three people will read? (hi ned hi jordan hi raven :))

i’m aware that this is cringey because adults aren’t supposed to have autism or interests or talk about either of those things, but this is my blog and you are free to block me if the cringe is too much for you.

these are some things i picked out from the DSMV’s diagnostic criteria, found on the CDC website:

deficits in social-emotional reciprocity

reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect

abnormal social approach

abnormalities in eye contact and body language

defecits in […] understand[ing] relationships

difficults adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts

repetitive motor movements or speech

rigid thinking patterns

highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus

hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input

there’s also some misc. stuff not in the diagnostic criteria (though it may be in the adir or gars-3) i thought was worth noting.

important note from the diagnostic criteria: “symptoms cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning”. i’d say that in his case, they do.

spoilers for pathologic classic, pathologic 2, and the marble nest

deficits in social-emotional reciprocity

in bachelor route of classic, daniil

seems completely oblivious to eva making advances toward him, to the point where she complains to him that he’s ignoring her in favor of asking questions about simon.

seems surprised when people mention maria being in love with him, despite outright asking her a couple of times if she’s flirting with him.

not to mention the fact that he asks her that at all.

his inability or resistence to making connections with others is typically considered one of his character flaws. although it is not outright stated in the dsmv criteria, one trait of autism and other neurodivergencies is “having extremely high or extremely low empathy” - and daniil, despite being a doctor, lacks empathy. which is not to say he doesn’t care at all. i think that he does, but is terrible at showing it.

for example, this scene from marble nest:

Sticky: You must feel terrible… right? That’s fine. I forgive you. You just got confused… Adults always do. Daniil: Oh yes, adults are always occupied with the most asinine nonsense. Like feeling anxious that a bunch of urchins keep roaming the streets, putting themselves in mortal danger!

daniil clearly cares about sticky’s wellbeing (and the wellbeing of the kids looking after him, though he’s not cognizant that he’s in a coma), but his way of showing it is… kind of by being a jerk. all of which bleeds into the next item on the list

reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect

he has no problem sharing his interests, but in both pathologic classic & pathologic 2, daniil speaks with a flat affect - which is to say that he lacks intonation. the words we read him saying may be dramatic or come across as passionate, but the actual voice reading his lines is very monotone, which may contribute to being read as lacking emotion.

and in pathologic 2, he has a voiceline lamenting not telling “her” (eva?) how he felt

in marble nest, he’s teased by the tragedians for being “heartless”:

Tragedian: Maybe. Possibly. But it’s useless to explain to a heartless man. …Take heart, Excellency! If you ever find it, that is. And then come back to us… Even though it all sounds like a rather implausible turn of events.

abnormal social approach

daniil has a tendency to say things that are tactless, odd, or just socially inappropriate. i probably don’t need to point out too many examples, as i think it’s fairly obvious - these are the things people love to pick at when it comes to him, but i do have a few in mind. like, for example, from haruspex route in classic:

Haruspex: What of the antibodies essential for making a serum? Bachelor: I don’t know for sure yet, I’ll send you a report in a few hours. Don’t go about cutting people’s hearts out for your panacea until then. It’s a… controversial solution, you know… Haruspex: What?! Do you even hear yourself? Bachelor: Sorry! I meant no offence… it was just a momentary lapse of… well, you know. Haruspex: None taken.

until artemy points out, daniil doesn’t seem to be aware he just said something rude. even with therapy, picking up on social cues doesn’t come naturally to people with autism, so we tend to say things that come across as rude or strange to others without realizing we’ve put them off. we tend to lack a “filter” that tells us when things are or are not appropriate to say. even when we may recognize it, the rules may not make any sense to us. for example, it makes very little sense that allistics favor politeness over honesty.

i think the glaringly obvious abnormal social approach in pathologic 2 is him threatening to hold artemy at gunpoint to get in the house, which is just overkill, but my personal favorite comes on day 7, when he’s complaining about the orders aglaya has given him. artemy stops him to say he doesn’t understand what daniil wants from him, to which daniil replies:

From you? Oh, nothing. I was just sharing.

to daniil, they were just having a normal conversation. but some part of this - his tone or his words or maybe even his body language - didn’t give artemy the impression that this was supposed to be a regular conversation. (we could, in fact, attribute the same idea to artemy here; why didn’t artemy pick up that this was a normal conversation? the reason i count it towards daniil is because artemy doesn’t seem to have this problem with anybody else. for the record: i don’t think artemy is neurotypical either.)

abnormalities in eye contact and body language

it’s hard to get proof of this in video games, but i will say i think it’s very funny that in pathologic 2 daniil’s idle animations are “pacing”, “sitting like he desperately wants to start bouncing his knees but is stopping himself from doing it”, and “standing unnaturally still” - but there you go. i don’t know anything about making gifs, or i’d gif this one specific talk menu idle he does where he holds eye contact for about three seconds, looks away uncomfortably, and then looks back out of the corner of his eyes.

deficits in […] understand[ing] relationships

mostly examples from his route in classic:

when the army arrives, he can claim to block that aglaya, whom he’s known for two days, is his best friend

he seems baffled by the fact that everone is smitten with maria and working with her, and seems equally baffled by the idea that she’s smitten with him

despite eva implying on day two that she is in a relationship with andrey, is completely blindsided by the revelation on day 6, asking him, “How in the world is she ‘your woman’?”

i’d also like to use his sign-off on his letter to artemy, day 2 of the haruspex route - he signs it as “Your friend (hopefully)”. i know i’m not the only autistic person who used to ask people if we were friends or not. pro tip, if you’ve never done this: don’t. it really weirds people out.

difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts

the fact that he stands out is blatantly obvious even in pathologic 2 and in the haruspex route of classic. people will comment on him being an outsider and mention that they don’t trust him. but you can watch it happen in real time in his route, because he never fully acclimates to the town. he says something about this to aglaya on day 7:

Bachelor: Was there any particularly notable backstory? I’m deadly tired of all these people. They’re inhuman. They tell the future, believe in walking zombies, and die in all manners of painfully abnormal ways. Inquisitor: Your line of t hinking is obviously falacious - and I was implying something rather mundane. I promise you, no one can really tell the future around here: and neither are deaths inspired by third parties uncommon. Mysterious phenomenons do occur here sometimes… but hardly more often than anywhere else.

actually, there’s an example of him saying something similar to artemy on day 5 in pathologic 2:

Damn this town… I feel I’m trapped in a nightmare. The absurdity of it all… There’s no one to talk to. Everyone’s so volatile. They all seem to want to help, but… their help is worse than hostility.

some of this can be explained by the town’s strangeness, but keep in mind that the first instance happens after he’s been there and involved in the ongoing for an entire week, and the second at nearly a week in. clearly he’s struggling to adjust to the changes.

it’s also worth noting that his reason for fleeing the town in the nocturnal ending?

I have no place here anymore.

This town is no longer mine. No longer human. No longer rational. It doesn’t… accept the likes of me anymore.

repetitive motor movements or speech

it’s harder to see the motor movements in classic, but remember how i pointed out earlier that he paces? pacing is a form of stimming. murky, who is canonically autistic, can also be found pacing as one of her idle animations. having stock phrases for characters to speak when you come near them already ticks off the box on “repetitive speech”, but that by itself doesn’t really cover what they’re talking about - echolalia.

but you know what this does fit with? “‘quoting’ things(communication is HARD! sometimes we need to take shortcuts and use someone else’s words)“

i’ll get to the more obvious example in a minute - i want to point out something that happens very early in pathologic 2 first. you know how you first meet him and artemy accuses daniil of trying to guilt-trip him by asking if it’s true that isidor would still be alive if artemy had come sooner? keep in mind that he spoke to rubin first. and this is what rubin says, when you get a chance to talk to him:

Yesterday, I was told you had killed your father.

That’s not far from the truth, Burakh.

You betrayed him. You left when he needed you most. He cried out for your help, but you didn’t care. He was in peril, and you were too busy elsewhere, He believed, truly believed, that your arrival would put an end to his troubles. And, as always, he was right.

i’m not saying this was necessarily the game’s intent, but it’s entirely possible daniil is parroting back to artemy exactly what rubin said to him.

now, for what you’re probably expecting in this section: the latin. people love to refer to his use of latin as “random”, so let’s clear that up:

it is not latin daniil has made up. with the exception of latin that is mispelled in the game’s texts, all of them are proverbs or otherwise common sayings. you can find most of them on the wikipedia list of latin phrases, or through a 3-second google search.

he’s a doctor. him having taken latin isn’t anymore strange than a lawyer taking latin. in fact, if you pay attention, artemy also took latin; this is implied when artemy tells him he’s always sucked at it.

his uses of latin actually aren’t random at all. what he says fits the situation, and sometimes is used in place of him having to come up with something to say on his own.

prime example:

Forget it, Burakh. I have a splitting headache. If you have no urgent business, then we’ll talk later. Later, later… Qui non proficit, deficit.

qui non proficit, deficit - he who does not advance, loses ground. in other words, “i’m sorry, but i really do need to keep working.” one of his voice lines.

as for why he doesn’t translate the latin: it probably wouldn’t even occur to him to. these are not obscure sayings. the utopians all have a certain degree of education - what would he need to translate them for?

this bleeds into something that isn’t really mentioned, but that i’ve found i have a lot of trouble with in everyday life. autistic people have a tendency to either overexplain (and then have everyone get mad at you because they feel you’re being condescending) or underexplain (and have everyone get mad at you because you haven’t explained anything). the latin would be a case where it feels like a justified underexplanation. you’ll notice that when it comes to anything scientific, he tends to do the reverse, and overexplain. this also happens in classic, whether artemy has asked him to clarify or not.

rigid thinking patterns

the thing i had marked for this was simply his strict adherence to western medical practices and refusal to acknowledge the supernatural, even when it seems obvious - he has a conversation in his route in classic with yulia about this, and that is in fact how he manages to get to her: by asking saburov if there are any other logical skeptics in town. it should be noted they seem to be breaking with this in pathologic 2, where one of his voicelines is “I’m no positivist. There are things in this world beyond our mundane perception.” i have no idea where they’re planning on going with that.

there’s also a quote floating somewhere around twitter about him having been raised by a military man, and militaries tend to enforce very rigid routines. you could say the same thing of block - who (in classic at least) i also have my suspicions about.

highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus

special interests. the one that should obviously come to mind is thanatology, though i would argue latin if not classics in general is a special interest of his as well - in addition to his usage of latin, he also references pericles in the marble nest and was probably refering to the roman occupation of haruspicy in addition to augurs in the same text. he also makes references to shakespeare more than once in both marble nest and pathologic 2.

hyper- or hyperoreactivity to sensory input

i don’t have much written down for this one but there seem to be several places in classic especially where he asks npcs to stop shouting at him. we don’t really have the privilege to know their volume or how they’re interacting with him, but i think it’s also worth noting that he’s the only one of the healers who wears gloves. in pathologic 2 he’s the only named character i can think of who wears them at all. his thing in the lucid dream about the brain being “a border”? gloves are his border, as is his jacket, which may be worn to cut down on sensory issues.

he will also sometimes seem to “overreact” to the situation at hand - such as in classic, when some dogheads mispeak and say that daniil is going to “sterilize” them, and instead of understanding that they must have mispoken, freaks out over the idea that they think they’re going to be… well… sterilized. or in haruspex route, when his reaction to the inquisitor arriving is to threaten suicide.

miscellaneous

he never goes anywhere without that carpet bag. we don’t see it in pathologic 2, but we do hear about it and he doesn’t let it go for a second in classic - not even in the cutscenes where he’s using the microscope. his bag could be a comfort item.

“getting very attached to things like inanimate objects” could work for the bag - but you know what it actually fits the bill much more obviously? the polyhedron. in the haruspex route he recognizes that it’s a lost cause, but he’s still too attached to it to let it go.

in classic at least, daniil is absolutely terrible at lying. most autistic people either are not good at lying, or feel uncomfortable or anxious with having to lie. when he’s asked by yulia and the kids in the polyhedron to lie to block (for different reasons) he’s clearly uncomfortable with the idea that it’ll work. and when it actually comes time to come up with a way to lie to block about why he needs five rifles, your options are to either buckle and tell him the truth, or simply say that you need them for “self-defense”. block believes that you’re not lying to him, but daniil can’t come up with any embeleshments to explain why he needs what he’s asking for.

Commander: Are you hiding something from me? Bachelor: No.

he comes across as naive to other characters. in classic, capella has a voiceline saying, “The Bachelor is not smart. Intelligent, yes… but not smart.” in Pathologic 2, Daniil complains that Aglaya takes him for “a useless dreamer”. he’s also easily used by the Kains to fulfill their endgame in classic.

my final, and absolute favorite: he takes things way too literally. autistic people (and adhd people, from my understanding) have a hard time differentiating jokes and sarcasm. so my favorite moment in marble nest is a case of him taking that earlier advice - to “take heart” literally, by bringing the tragedians a literal human heart:

Tragedian: Oh… Excellency. What a sordid sight! Sorry for underestimating you. You definitely do have… how shall I put it… a creative touch. But this is pure madness. You can’t take things so literally! Daniil: You wanted me to come back to you with an open heart. Well, here I am. …It looked too fitting to be a coincidence.

your mind map, after this, updates to say “I misunderstood the tragedians.”

conclusion

people don’t stop being autistic with age and i think he’s a good example of what it’s like to be in your late 20s and be autistic. i’m sure i missed things as i haven’t finished haruspex route of classic yet and there may just be some other things he does or says that i missed! if anyone has anything to add they think fits i would love to know, thank you for your time :)

[pikapals16]

Just When It Gets Better, It Gets Worse (not finished)

tw: non-con, abuse, self-harm, sensory overload/panic attack, suicide attempt (these were planned tw's so not all of them are in this draft, but just to be safe)

A summer day spent at the mall with her visiting family should've been fun. It probably would've, excluding her past and her parents' denial that anything of any sort happened.

This isn't the case if you couldn't tell.

Kat's family was walking through the mall center when a group of people catches her eye. It's not like this group came together, they're all gathered up and definitely staring at something. Normally Kat would just walk on pass, but the sound of distress convinces them to sneak into the crowd.

After scooting to a place where she can observe, they see the subject of curiosity is a girl, about her age, and who's clearly in a sort of panic attack. Her hands are clamped and pulling at her hair, her body rocking back and forth.

The girl in pink watches as someone tries to approach her before someone else yelling back.

"Don't get close! She's probably one of those weirdos with autism." Kat pushes down their anger at the offhand comment. This girl doesn't deserve that, she's already in distress. Kat looks around for anyone the girl could've come with, as it is very unlikely that she'd have come alone

She sees two men, mid to late fourties, frantically looking around for something, which puts them as the most likely possibility. They consider going up to them to inform them of the situation, but she figures they already know, explaining the distressed look on the their faces (and assuming that they are who this girl arrived with).

Kat digs inside of her bag, looking for something that might help ground the panicking girl. Nothing that'd be remotely helpful, and she never brings their stress ball or fidget cube with their parents around. Something about disbelief in non-physical diseases, but she'd rather not risk it.

What they do take out though, is one of those toy rings with googly eyes. To be frank, Kat isn't sure why she has the old toy in her bag, but perhaps it will help the girl calm down? It's not like they have anything else to use.

Slowly, Kat slips closer to the girl, choosing to ignore any comments made, and sits in front of her, making sure to maintain distance to not make her feel uncomfortable.

Admittedly, they haven't been in a situation even remotely similar, but they've read some articles that give her an idea of what to do. The rest, she's just winging it.

Slipping the ring onto her finger, Kat raises their hand.

"Hi, I'm Mr. Goggles." Kat opens and closes her hand to imply that it's the one speaking. As it does, Kat can see the girl look up in curiosity. They guess that it seems to be working. "What's your name?"

Kat cringes a bit, this girl is probably a college student, she doesn't need to be dumbed down.

"C-Cathy." Cathy's eyes seem to light up at the character. Although her hands haven't moved from their position, they've stopped pulling, and her rocking looks like it's slowing down. Kat smiles at her, hoping she recognizes it.

She takes the ring off of her finger, and holds it out in their palm, offering it to her.

"You can have it." They say just loud enough for Cathy to hear. The latter looks at her in confusion. Why would the pretty girl be giving this to her of all people? She doesn't even know her. "It's okay, really."

At this point, Cathy's hand have since released from her head as she contemplates this. Hesitantly, she reaches out, causing Kat to scoot forward so she can hand it to her.

Cathy curiously spins and shakes the toy before putting the ring on her finger, like the pretty girl had. She opens and closes her hand, and her heart seems to flutter--at both the shaking sound of the googly eyes, and the little character that appears on her hand.

Kat smiles when they hear quiet coos coming from Cathy's mouth. What she did seemed to work, and she's calmed down.

Speaking of which, they should probably go and find their parents before she gets punished. Again. Yet, there's something that draws her towards this...stranger. She can rule out love, as she identifies as demisexual, but they're tempted to stay here in their little bubble.

Without any outside influence, just them-

"Oh my god, thank you." The two middle-aged men briskly walk over, one of them kneeling to communicate with Cathy through what looks to be sign language, and the other turning his attention to Kat.

Feelings and memories are shoved down into the archives of Kat's mind. She doesn't need or want to remember, and this guy shouldn’t have to worry over another panic attack.

”Thank you so much for calming her down. My husband and I really appreciate it. Not many people have enough patience to deal with our daughter’s autism.” The thought of these two men being married and raising a child calms some of Kat’s nerves, but just some.

”You’re welcome. Does she go to school here?” Kat curses at themself for asking that, but surprisingly the question isn’t taken a wrong way.

“No, we’re just visiting friends.” The other husband mentions as he helps Cathy up. “But thank you for being so kind. It’s rare that people listen.” Oh. Kat would know that firsthand. The countless times it’s happened.

“Yes, for sure.” Is what she settles with. They don’t need to know. “I should get going though. Wish you all the best!” With the goodbye, Kat runs off to find their family, praying they didn’t notice her absence.

But of course, they did, and while she’s being scolded at, Kat lets her thoughts take over for a bit. It’s not like it’d end any differently. It’s always the same punishment and Kat hates it each time.

They’ve felt nothing for the past couple of years but today just seemed to be different. An unlikely meeting, yet Cathy seemed to have an effect on them. And they only met for a couple of minutes if anything.

They don’t know why she’s putting so much thought into this.

What are the odds of them meeting again anyway?

-

Kat walks up to their meeting spot for lunch. She doesn’t have friends, acquaintances really, but they eat with them to trick themselves into thinking they are her friends. That she’s not completely alone. To distract herself from other things.

Right before they sit, Kat sees someone else, seated by themselves. People walk past without so much as a second glance, and Kat can’t take their eyes of them. They have brown curly hair, and they’re wearing a blue hoodie, which in itself is a bit odd for August.

Kat fiddles with their pink crop top. She sees herself in this mystery person. The emptiness and loneliness. Perhaps if they help the other, maybe they’ll feel less damaged as well.

”Do any of you recognize them?” Most of them don’t, but someone claims to have seen her in their creative writing class, and another claims that she has ASD. “I’m gonna go talk to her.”

The girl in pink sees the strange looks from their lunch mates, but like she’s done before, it goes ignored.

"Hi." The girl on the bench looks up at the new voice. "Can I eat lunch with you?" The brunette scoots over and pats the empty space for her to sit. As Kat sits down, the other can't seem to take her eyes off her. She's pretty.....and someone she hasn't gotten the chance to thank yet.

Quickly the girl in blue digs through her bag, looking for a certain item that a certain someone had given her on a certain summer day at the mall. She shakes the rings back and forth to get the pretty girl's attention.

"Oh. Wait." Kat takes a better look at the girl she's sitting next to. No wonder she felt familiar. "We met over the summer. Cathy, right?" Cathy nods, smile growing on her face. "Well, I never told you my name, so I guess I'll do that now. Hi, I'm Kat. She/they pronouns."

"She/her." Cathy points to herself as she speaks, to make sure that Kat didn't think that Cathy didn't support their pronouns. "And thank you." Kat tilts their head in confusion. "For Mr. Goggles and helping me during my meltdown. You kinda saw me at my worst."

"Oh um, it's nothing." Lie. "Hold on, I thought you were just visiting?" ..Not a complete lie, she put some pieces together.

"My dad got a job here and my pop didn't want to be more than an hour away from me because....you know." Cathy realizes she's been stimming, but doesn't stop her actions, rather glancing at Kat to see her reaction. Nothing. Kat's eyes never leave Cathy's, well really her head since the latter isn't a fan of direct eye contact.

And that's another thing. Kat doesn't force eye contact like the other's experienced so many times before. Cathy's met very few people who are similar, and she holds them all close to her heart.

"Yeah."

The two talk for a little longer before departing for their separate classes. 'Two' honestly refers to Kat leading the conversation and Cathy commenting when prompted, but neither really care. They make sure to exchange numbers, but little did they know how much they would end up depending on each other.

-

She was minding her own business, honest. Cathy was never one to go into crowded places alone, for obvious reasons, but this is the easiest and closest place for her to meet with her new friend.

The ever so increasing volume of the area starts to bother the blue girl, so she takes out her headphones, blocking out most of the noise. She checks her watch again. Kat’s still not here?

Her initial thought is that Kat blew her off, but they’ve made it very clear that she’d never do something like that, not without explanation. To steer her thoughts away from becoming too overwhelming, Cathy plays with her fidget cube inside her pocket.

It’s never completely gone, but Cathy’s certainly learned how to handle her ASD better. Or at least, so that she can prevent any public outbreaks.

Unlike some people who just haven’t grown up from high school behavior yet. This particular guy thinks it's funny to copy her very subtle stimming. Just your typical jackass.

"Dude stop, she hasn't done anything to you." And that, would be the arrival of her friend. Kat turns to Cathy, tilting their head in the direction of her dorm, and the pair starts walking away. "He didn't make you uncomfortable, did he?"

Cathy shakes her head, and the two walk in silence. The silence isn't all that bad or foreign, but rather a comfort to the two. Of course, until the unsuspected thunder. Seriously, they don't know why they bother listening to the weather reports at this point.

In instinct, Cathy takes off her jacket and wraps it around Kat before pulling the both of them into the dorms.

"Cathy, you can stop running, we're inside now." Cathy doesn't stop. She doesn't want anyone else to see what she's done. No one's seen it. Not even her parents. She keeps her same pace until she's navigated the halls to Kat's dorm.

Only then does she let go.

And she immediately regrets it.

"Cathy...." Without the long sleeves as a cover, Cathy's scars are exposed. Even as she tries to hide it with her hands, they're still visible. She does nothing except curl in on herself, soft noises coming from her mouth. Kat does nothing except open the door, trying their best not to stare so hard.

Thank goodness her roommate is out of town, that would've made for some awkward conversation. Kat and Cathy walk in, the latter with a brisk pace, the former with a moment of hesitation.

"You did that yourself, didn't you?"

-

and that's where i gave up, basically, where i was going with this was that cathy opens up about the self-harm, then kat opens up about her trauma yea, they're friends! cathy is a year older than kat, so she graduates and although they still talk, it's not as often as kat would like. long story short, kat starts to feel lonely and depressed again, and they feel so disconnected from the world that she kills herself by overdose. little does she know that cathy and her friends were just on their way to surprise them, but see kat just in time for it to happen. cathy runs up, and begs kat to stay with her (the others are calling an ambulance) and kat's like "shit no, wait, you're here" then black out.

whether or not kat survives is up to interpretation! or....would've been hehe. idk, i'm kinda rambling now, but yea here's an abandoned oneshot

[cool-anyways]

Jersey Ridge - Paracosm

Oliver, Jessie and Syn are three students of Dalesport, New Jersey. They attend Dalesport Family Highschool, a private school for gifted students in the STEM field. They, being used to their calm days in Dalesport are taken aback when three nights in a row there are reports of veil breakage. They don't think much of it at first until things begin happening in, first, the city, next, the community park and finally, the school itself. They go to contact the hunters they know are already there, but it is found that those hunters have vanished under mysterious circumstances. Unable to reach any hunters in the tristate area they are forced to deal on their own. Whilst dealing withing their own work, they end up seeing more and more than just cryptids. They soon fall down a rabbit hole that shows them just what happened to the hunters and just what will happen to them if they aren't careful.

And the characters have a morning radio for this specific play every two weeks.

"Good Morning Dalesport, New Jersey. Today is a wonderful sunny day, a good eighty percent chance of rain for our folks here in Robert Township and about sixty percent in Somerset. Today will be a set seventy degrees with a high of eighty five and a low of sixty seven. Now time for our morning city welcome. // Dalesport. A wonderful community and family. A place for vacation, (sea noises), a place for life, (Family, celebration noises), and a place for- [redacted]. Enjoy your stay Dalesters. Sponsored by FamilyMart: The best market for- [redacted]."

Characters

Oliver Izayk

Trans Masc Enby (He/They/Ze) Mega Gay

Autistic Selective Mustism

Oliver is a quiet kid at school, keeping to zerself often. They have a digital database for all the cryptids they often see around New Jersey. From his findings, ze've learned that something is off about FamilyMarket. FamilyMarket is familiar to him, like home, he wonders why sometimes.

Has a poke and stick on his arm that says "solve et coagula" and a small birthmark on his back of New Jersey. Has a rubber band ball to stim with.

Jessie Deus

Trans Fem Girl (She/Her) T4T Bicurious

Dyslexia

Jessie is a conspiracy theorist who loves going on tangents about her new theories. She loves showing Oliver her evidence and Syn her ideas. They both enjoy listening and even adding on, sometimes she wonders how they know so much and sometimes where they came from.

Has an alien hair clip and a shirt that says "Super Sargasso Babe". Has a crop circle tattoo, doesn’t know where it came from.

Synphyne Felix

AMAB Enby (They/Xem) - T4T Girls Girls <3

ADHD

Synphyne, who goes by Syn, enjoys taking photographs of the many cryptids around New Jersey. Xe have plenty of photos but their favourite is of their friends. Everyone describes Syn as ethereal and angelic, xe take the compliment but sometimes can't tell when people from the church are being serious. Are they?

Has a back pack with a rabbits foot charm and a jar of white 4 leaved clovers, the jar has old Latin on it. Has two marks on her back. Hyperfixiates on Christian symbology and paraphernalia.

Lucile Debello

Agender (Xe/Zem/Ver) - Asexual Masc Leaning

ADHD Autism

Lucile is an intelligent person with plenty of charm and kindness to zem. The rival mathlete to Oliver, xe enjoys a good challenge. Xe also loves Cain dearly, wolf is the only person xe doesn't manipulate. Ze always carries around a book, ze never lets anyone else touch it, everyone wonders what the book is. Syn however wants nothing to do with it, they wonder why sometimes. There's a lot of things to wonder about Lucile.

Has a cuff with Cain's name on it, it is etched with several sigils and old Latin with other dead languages. Has mental and motor tics, most of them imitating Cain or birds. Hair naturally sticks up in a horn shape, he ignores it.

Cain Grey

Xenogender (He/Him/Wolf/Wolfself) - Demisexual Gay

ADHD Autism

Cain is the definition of a dog boy. He is actually a werewolf, only Lucile knows and actually thinks its nice that he's a werewolf. Cain often stays in the forest at night, wolf doesn't like to be inside for too long so Lucile lets wolf stay in at minimum xer backyard where wolf won't be disturbed. Cain doesn't know Lucile loves him.

Has a collar/choker with Lucile's Latin signature on it, the collar does not have a leash attachment. Also has a comfort jacket that smells like outside and howls to vocal stim.

Ness Locke

Voidgender ( /[redacted]/ey/x) - Aro Ace

Autism

Ness is a quiet person who works in the town Archive (Library) and FamilyMarket. Ness enjoys peace and quiet as well as rainy days on the beach. Ness tends to avoid people and danger, not going on any adventures with the trio nor interacting with Lucile.

Has a jacket with the Locke Ness monster on it and always smells like the beach. Has a sea glass hour glass as a visual stim.

[narratornavigatorstoryteller]

hi this is a mello-centric account but here's my matt analysis

general 

smoking

often, people who smoke do so as the result of pressure or as a coping mechanism. he's clearly smart enough to recognize what is and isn't a good idea, so i don't believe he'd start smoking just because someone else said he should. instead, i'd say he smokes as a coping mechanism. i'm not sure what exactly he'd be coping with, however, it wouldn't be unreasonable to assume stress, anxiety, and the environment in which he was raised are all contributing factors.

interest in technology

i take this to be one of a Few things that could point to him possibly having adhd or autism, likely with technology as a hyperfixation. will expand on this farther down.

was smart enough to be in 3rd place

i feel as though he could've ranked higher in the wammy's system, not because he "didn't apply himself," but more because he didn't Care. as someone with interests (and potentially, an ideal career) outside of becoming L's successor, i wouldn't be surprised if matt were on level with or even above mello. maybe it's respect or simple lack of wanting that keeps him in third.

comparable to a dog

for matt, this would be a different meaning than mello. where mello's dog comparison takes on a sharper, more assertive tone, i personally see matt as being much more responsive and analytical. where mello has a set plan in place that can be adjusted accordingly, matt has a much looser set of major goals and prefers to analyze the situation as it progresses.

i also feel like he is a leader, however he lacks the motivation to apply it. instead, going back to the dog comparison, he'll take what he's given within reason. if mello says to answer when he calls, then matt will. if wammy's house says to get ranked as high as possible, he will. at the same time, if he feels something is unnecessary, he won't even consider it. why aim for top two if third is good enough? why genuinely try to become L's successor if he just doesn't want to?

long story short, matt's what i'd like to call a selective follower; he has the qualifications to be a strong and good leader, but is very picky about where and why he applies them. as a selective follower, he'll do what he's told, but only when he actually believes in whoever is trying to instruct him. he is loyal, but might not be above playing traitor if he saw good reason to.

i doubt he was very well liked at wammy's, and was often misread by other students

as number 3, matt prevents number 4, 5, 6, etc. from even having a chance at the top. additionally, he likely presents himself as an awkward loner (with his social skills being 3/10) with a nic addiction and a love of video games. this presentation alongside his obviously high intelligence might cause people to resent and misunderstand him, seeing matt as nothing more than another obstacle between them and a higher position. social awkwardness is now read as conceitedness ("he thinks he's too good for us") and the video games and lack of rank progression are read as refusal to apply himself (which, while true, would now be read more negatively due to the situation)

goggles

i personally like to think he wears them because of light sensitivity, but at the same time i want to see them as a symbol of his constant personality masking. i can't see him as anything other than deeply thoughtful and extremely loyal. in times of stress, he projects confidence and pride, possibly to mask a fear of failure and being seen as weak. i also see a potential fear of vulnerability in him, though whether this is with himself, with others, or just in general is debatable (by obscuring his eyes, it makes it harder for them to be read, building up a wall between him and whoever he's with).

neurodivergence

i have no doubt that he is either autistic or has adhd. To start: boredom. it’s a recurring theme in death note for characters to experience boredom and have strange means of dealing with it (e.g., ryuk, light [debatable], and L). for mail, i’d say that this points even more in the direction of him being neurodivergent coded, as boredom is also a symptom found in various neurodivergencies. next; video games and electronics. hyperfixations are used as a way to relieve stress, or as something that a person simply enjoys and thinks about in ways that go far beyond their control. in chapter 85, while “watching mogi and misa” for mello, matt is shown actually playing video games instead, and states that he found his original task boring. some neurodivergent people may find it hard to complete certain tasks, especially if they don’t find them interesting, and it makes sense that he would turn to his hyperfixation instead. for now i’ll end on his social skills. in the offical stats, matt’s social skills are rated at a 3/10, which, if i’m not mistaken, is second lowest for the human death note characters at least, with near and L tying for absolute lowest at 1/10. while not everyone experiences this, its a common symptom to have “trouble” socialising, or to not be very good at reading social cues. due to his high observation skills, i’d say that a lot of what builds up his social interactions is mirroring; things he picked up from watching others, especially those at wammy’s house. i know i said i’d end with that, but some smaller points that i won’t talk too much on are his goggles (possible light sensitivity/sensory issues, also potentially a comfort item), his gloves (could be a sensory thing, or even a strong aversion to germs, though the latter is less likely due to the next point), and his environment (from what we’re shown, his workspace is very cluttered and disorganized)

relationships

mello

mello’s the only one we ever see any interaction with. They’re officially described as “friends," and stayed together for a bit before takada's kidnapping. they seem to hold mutual respect and trust for each other, with matt being willing to assist in mello's plans and mello calling matt to work with him after the explosion. when matt slipped up while spying on misa, mello was shown to be a bit annoyed, however he didn’t mention it and simply carried on with things the best he could. their relationship overall seems to be a very good one, even after all their years apart.

[regrettablewritings]

My Bad Batch Season 1 Finale Thoughts That Nobody Asked For

Spoilers aside from the obvious alert: I actually didn’t mind it

Now, admittedly, this is probably because I’m not a Crosshair stan. If I’m being honest, I actually don’t mind Crosshair as much as I probably should. But my stance on him is more towards neutral-to-appreciating-him-as-a-character.

That being said, most of what I’m gonna blab about is gonna surround the ongoing Crosshair situation (in no particular order) because that’s what we’ve been left with and what most of the fandom is currently up in arms about.

Unrelated, but because I am a fake fan, I never knew Kamino could ever really be sunny and calm. In a weird way, it was a beautiful juxtaposition against something so . . . sad. Like, they finally reach the Marauder at daybreak and after everything they’ve gone through, the storm is gone. It’s calm. Which makes all they’re about to do all the more deafening in a sense.

As stated before, I actually didn’t mind the finale. Was it anything crazy? Not really. My heart rate definitely picked up constantly, but it was admittedly coming from how hyped up the feeling of “anyone could die” was. When I realized at the end that nobody was going to die (yet), I started calming down.

But in-between all that, my emotions were in constant combat with me understanding (or trying to reason out) everyone’s arguments going on.

I see people upset with Wrecker for victim-blaming Crosshair, and I get that -- to a point. Yes, Wrecker knows how the chip works and should be one of the ones most empathetic to Crosshair’s supposed lack of control. However, this only stands to a point. Remember, if Crosshair’s telling the truth (which . . . we’ll get to later), then that means that he was really not responsible for his actions at first. If the chip really had been removed a while back, then his actions up to that point were something he could be held accountable for. I think those parts were the actions Wrecker was referring to, not the whole damn thing.

In a way, I do like how Tech approaches the matter. It’s admittedly stiff and could easily come off as hurtful if used by the wrong person, but it suits how Tech’s mind works and frankly reminds me a lot of myself in how I approach certain, more emotional matters. Admittedly, this is because I read Tech as autism-coded, so maybe that’s why I’m more ready to accept his stance?

. . . Actually, you know what? No: I like Tech’s stance because it’s clear cut and just plain facts. Tech knows his brothers more than what he’s probably given credit for, and his point is correct: You needn’t agree with someone you care for just because you can understand their points. There’s a ton of scenarios that are ethically questionable at best that I can understand the reasoning behind while also recognizing them as potentially morally reprehensible. Black and white are only reached through a spectrum, and it’s not an easy spectrum to traverse. That being said . . .

The other common argument I’m seeing is about how the fighting amongst the original four Batchers (specifically Hunter and Crosshair) seems to go against their whole brotherhood thing. And I’m just gonna throw my two pennies into the ring and weakly say . . . not quite. I’m gonna admit that I may be splitting hairs and trying to make a bundle but I feel like in such a high-intensity situation, it makes sense for neither side to be yielding.

Both sides are hurt: Crosshair is dealing with abandonment and feeling like his brothers “just aren’t getting it”, and as far as his brothers are aware, he’s either been trying to kill them or has been trying to willingly go against what they thought they stood for. Is it the most sensible situation? Not really. But emotional things rarely ever are.

That being said, nobody in the Batch is really all that emotionally mature or aware, though. And I think it’s very easy to forget that sometimes. I don’t know if it’s got to do with the fact that they’re soldiers, that they were rapidly aged and thus didn’t have time nor the environment to healthily explore such issues, the social isolation they more or less experienced due to being different from reds, or what, but it ought to be remembered that Omega is the most emotionally stable of the bunch. Everyone else is sort of just stumbling and trying to reel in what they’re feeling and how to express it without necessarily having the proper tools or experience to do so.

Also, let’s be real: You’re not as pristine as you think. If you were in a similar situation where your loved one seemingly betrayed you, tried to kill you multiple times, then brought you back home to convince you to join the very people who tried to hurt you guys in the first place, only to reveal that they’ve been intentionally working for them for a good while, you’d be hurt at the very least. And when you’re hurt, emotions fly around like a bat stuck indoors: It’s lost, confused, afraid, and in unfamiliar territory so it flails around, aimlessly looking for a way out even when those around it are trying to help it.

Let’s talk about this chip before I forget what I wanna say. I’m disappointed they didn’t bring it up. I need answers just like every other bitch in this fandom because . . . I dunno, I just don’t believe what he says. Something doesn’t quite add up. Or maybe it’s just because deep down, I want to believe he’s good; just difficult. Most likely so wrapped up in his purpose that the thought of being without and having his life all been seemingly for nothing admittedly frightens him. That’s something actually pretty interesting for a guy like Crosshair, considering he wears whatever heart he has beneath at least three fishing cable knit sweaters.

I just would’ve liked some acknowledgement of it -- even if confirmation that the chip was really gone the entire time would’ve hurt me. Like, Omega couldn’t give a knowing glance when sitting in the dark of the Batch’s barracks and say something like, “You know, it’s not too late”. Or, if it was gone, Hunter outright telling him that he knows he’s lying. (Because, like, given Hunter’s abilities, he arguably could be like a human lie detector a la Matt Murdock.)

Granted, it could be something explored in season 2. I’m trying not to get my hopes up, though, in the event Filoni and crew decide once more to paint me up like a pretty clown and parade me through the square. But in all seriousness, if the chip’s presence or absence confirmation is meant to be an actual point of discussion, I don’t think it’d necessarily be a bad thing for it to come up later. I mean, people were theorizing for ages that Rose Quartz was Pink Diamond. And we still stayed watching SU and pretended to be surprised when it got confirmed.

I do think how the group parted ways could’ve been more, as it was emotional but in all the wrong ways. But my constant need to compensate and make excuses for things also flared up. Should the Batch have been more reluctant to leave Crosshair once more? Probably. But they were also probably just done with all this and really took that revelation about the chip to heart, realizing that all they can really do is let him choose. And since he chose the Empire, there’s really only so much energy they could keep exerting. Reminder, these guys are kinda like children and dealing with a very personal situation that they kinda just lack the emotional awareness for.

Am I disappointed in Crosshair’s decision? Of course I am. But I’m not surprised and I understand why he, as a character, would do it. I understand why everyone does what they do, and this just aligns with how stubborn Cross is and what he’s already made clear to his brothers: By serving the Empire, he could still have a purpose.

. . . Or can he?

Okay, maybe I do care about Crosshair more than I think I do. Because we know he’s going to get off Kamino somehow, and it’s most likely going to be through the Empire, yeah? Immediately, my thought was, “But . . . they might kill him. Or at least attempt to.” After all, he let the Batch go. Even if he lies about it for their sake, the Empire will eventually learn the truth. Hell, just the fact that he seemingly let things get out of control before the decimation of Tipoca City could get him a one-way ticket to an execution. Though . . . Crosshair, beyond his skill set, is still a profound soldier: He’s still a competent fighter. Who knows? Maybe this opens up a possible escape scene involving stealing a blaster? Who knows! I love a good fight scene regardless of my feelings on a character!

Though, given his expressions, there’s honestly a good chance that even though he’s willing to lay in the bed he’s made, it doesn’t mean he won’t miss the others. You can make a decision for yourself and stick with it while recognizing the accompanying sorrow.

Though who knows? You could even argue that he may feel in too deep and is just sticking to his guns (no pun intended) because of it. Like he’s clinging to the concept of purpose even at the cost of losing one thing he knows (his brothers) because he feels stuck on the other thing he knows (being of use to a higher power). There’s frankly a lot that could be discussed here but don’t get me started.

But I digress. I get why the Batch left. I get why Crosshair wanted to stay behind. Yes, it could’ve and probably should’ve been a bit more emotional regardless of how tired everyone probably was of everything because this is their brother. Whom they’re parting ways with once again, and there’s no telling when they’ll see him next and if that next time, they’ll be his targets once more.

(But I think that may be giving too much credit . . . One of the other complaints going around that I firmly agree with is how not enough characterization for Tech, Echo, and Wrecker was given for most of the season. They were more or less boiled down to their specialties for gimmicks than given much to say or do besides when thrust into action scenes. This is honestly probably why I really liked Tech voicing his own personal stance on Crosshair: It’s the closest thing we’ve gotten all season to how he feels. The closest we got from Wrecker was him admitting to missing Cross, and Echo never really says anything on the matter at all to my recollection. [Admittedly, Echo is the newest member and thus doesn’t have the years the other three do under his belt, but surely by now he’s formed some sort of opinion on the guy he’s done at least eleven missions with!])

It hurts regardless of how you feel or whose side you’re on because you know something about this isn’t right, whether it’s because you know they do care for one another but have to part ways, or because they both made decisions that you just didn’t want them to make. It sucks but things like this (and by “this”, I do mean something more along the lines of familial or even platonic conflict, not having your home blasted to kingdom come in a whole imperial plot your brother was somewhat tied to) are never cut and dry. If they were, things would be so much simpler. But if they weren’t, we wouldn’t have as many stories, painful as they are.

I’m not a big supporter at all of creators taking advice or story ideas and cues from their fans via Twitter and other social media. But what I do hope is that Filoni and crew do a bit of a stronger job at approaching these very emotionally-driven subjects next season, rather than just letting them fall to the wayside until it becomes convenient. Not saying that filler episodes or breathers are a bad thing, they just seemed to take up a lot of this season. Though who knows, maybe they’ll come back into play specifically because of what the Batch did. (You know, in this particular show. I already know some of these guys appeared in other SW shows . . .)

Overall, I think I’d rate this episode 6.5/10. Nothing crazy, but nothing terrible. I probably could’ve just waited until normal people hours to watch it instead of setting an alarm for 3am, but I’ve definitely spent my witching hours in worse ways. If anything, though, it left me melancholic. But, hey, there’s a season 2 on the way. I know the saying is that there are no happy endings in Star Wars but . . . hey, if people can believe in Crosshair, I’m allowed to believe in a happyish ending. I suppose, in a way, it’s kind of like a sunny, stormless day on Kamino: Never thought they existed, but they can eventually happen after much strife.

[honey-bird-04]

this is my first post

Hullo. This is my 3rd time rewriting this, because sumthin’ kept fucking up every time I tried to write it. But let’s hope this time goes smoothly cause I got a lot to say. I don’t have anywhere else to put this, so I decided, why not come to Tumblr and see what everyone else thinks. So, let’s get started. I have been a Gleek since I was in 6th grade. And as much as I know that the show is cringey and hard to watch, my sister and I genuinely enjoyed it (although now we mostly watch it ironically). And we always had a favoritism system going, our favorite characters were blatantly obvious, and we were fishing for least favorite characters when we could. So, our lists of favorite characters/ships looked a little something like this: Favorites: -Kurt Hummel -Finn Hudson -Rachel Berry -Santana Lopez -Brittany S Pierce -Blaine Anderson Least favorites: -Quinn Fabray -Noah Puckerman -Terry Schue -Sue Sylvester -Jessie St James -Sebastian Smythe Favorite ships: -Finchel -Klaine -Brittana -Wemma And even though that doesn’t seem like there’s anything wrong with that set up in particular, I’m going to explain to you why my views have changed. Especially on my least favorite characters. And disclaimer!! Any and all of these characters that I list on my least favorites have nothing to do with race, gender, disability, sexuality etc. They are solely based on personality and how their actions affected others. That’s it. That’s what I’m basing it off of. Same goes for my favorite characters as well. And believe me I will give a lengthy explanation for each and every one of them I promise. So I’m going to be listing the least favorites from LEAST bad/toxic to MOST bad/toxic. And don’t be upset if one of your favorites are on here. Just because I don’t like them doesn’t mean you can’t like them. Just make that clear. These are only things that I’ve picked up and I’ve noticed throughout the show and watching back important clips and such from the show. Coming in at #7: Mercedes Jones: I know what’s coming already. And I’m going to have to tell y’all this loud and clear. Mercedes is not a diva. She’s just a bitch. I’ve never liked Mercedes, and not because she was black, but just because she had an awful personality and she was awful to the people around her. I think the only time I really saw her being nice to someone was when she was dating Sam, or when she was dating that football player. And a few times when she was with Kurt. The main problem I have with her is in S1E3: Bust Your Windows, she busted Kurt’s front windshield all because he had a crush on someone else. And I can guarantee you guys this. If a guy did that to a girl, like if Kurt had done that to Mercedes instead, y’all would’ve been outraged. She had no reason to bust his window like that and then get all sassy to him when he got upset about it. Coming in at #6: Santana Lopez: And this is another character that y’all are so set on saying that she’s a diva. But no. Santana is a straight up bitch. And before you guys say “she was closeted/insecure/outed!” etc, Kurt was also insecure and closeted in the first season and he was never rude to anybody in the way Santana was. And secondly, Finn didn’t out her until S3E6: Mash Off, and I can tell you she had been acting like a huge bitch way before then. All I have to do is pull up all of the times she’s been anti-semetic to Rachel, fatphobic to Finn and Lauren, attacked people’s insecurities and was just being god awful. One of my least favorite scenes from her is when she went on that entire rant about why Blaine and Kurt didn’t work out, and she attacked Kurt’s teeth, his sexuality, his dancing, his s3xual appeal, and just about everything Kurt was insecure about. All because he said that he thought Santana and Brittany were too young to get married. And I honestly agreed with him, Britt and San were 19. Definitely too young to get married, and Kurt was just trying to relate his failure with Blaine to warn them that getting married this young wasn’t something that they wanted to do. But no. Santana didn’t listen to him trying to reason with her, she just told him basically “you suck, Blaine really hates you, get your crap together.” And I have always had a problem with it. Not to mention she called Quinn a slut. And no matter what situation you are in, I don’t believe it’s okay to call any girl a slut. Actually, I don’t think it’s okay to call anybody a slut. Because I’m bringing this back. If Finn had called Quinn a slut, you guys would be all over him and cancelling that character so fast, but as soon as Santana says it, it’s okay? That never sat right with me either. And again, the way she relentlessly bullies Rachel for everything she’s insecure about, especially her height and nose is not okay. It doesn’t matter how much you dislike someone. Making fun of her nose to the point where as soon as she breaks it, she’s immediately thinking of getting a nose job. That is not okay. And there’s a speculation that Santana was the one who pushed Rachel over the edge to try and fall into bulimia. And I don’t doubt it. Santana is not a nice person. And her internalised homophobia does not excuse anything that she’s said or done. Not to mention she has Britt wrapped around her finger and she knows that she’ll do anything she asks. Like when Santana was fantasizing about forcing Britt to break up with Artie if she became Prom Queen because it would be “the law of the land” that is absolutely inexcusable. Because we all know Britt is naive and has some sort of DD or autism, and the characters in the show take that and use it to their advantage. Especially Santana. Coming in at #5: Artie Abrams: Now before you come for my ass, let me tell you. I actually used to really like Artie. He was pretty high up on my ranking Glee characters lists that I used to make all the time. But now that I’ve rewatched and I’ve noticed more things, I just cant like him with a good conscience. Remember in season 1 when Tina told him that she doesn’t really have a stutter? Well, if you remember, he broke up with her after that. But if you were closely watching the show, you should’ve realised that Tina has some sort of social anxiety, (not that I’m excusing her faking a disability), but she has a reason for doing it. She (presumably) took up the stutter because she needed a way to avoid having to speak so much in public. Which is totally understandable! Artie didn’t have to break up with her. She confided in him to finally tell him what she had been hiding for so long and he just breaks up with her??? Are you kidding? That just goes to show that one of the only reasons he was dating her was because of her disability. If he broke up with her so fast for not actually having one. Even though she had an actual reason that she did it. Another thing about Artie that I hate is that he called Britt stupid. And that is a huge deal. Everyone in the school calls Britt stupid or something along those lines (even Santana) and as soon as she finds the one guy who doesn’t think that way of her, he breaks her trust. She technically did cheat on him, but as I said earlier, she bends to Santana’s every order and she has some sort of DD or autism and didn’t understand that it was cheating. She even told Artie she didn’t understand it. And instead of sitting her down and explaining to her and giving her a second chance to prove her new knowledge to good use, he just calls her stupid and makes her cry. And then this one is obvious. Artie didn’t fucking wear c0ndoms while he was having s3x with those two girls in New York and didn’t actually tell them he had chlamydia. Which just pissed me off so much it makes me angry just talking about it. Coming in at #4: Finn Hudson: Oh ho ho. Finn Hudson makes me so angry. Let me just start off with everything he did (and didn’t do) to/for Kurt. Starting with the infamous “faggy scene” after Kurt tried to make amends with Finn for all the arguing they had been doing by redecorating their room. As ugly as it looked (lmao), he did his best to try and appeal to what a straight guy would like without making it too masculine so he would feel comfortable sleeping in there too. He tried to appeal to Finn’s interests as well as his own and had to do it all on short notice. But as soon as Finn saw it, the first thing he said was “are you freaking insane?” and Kurt just deflated. If you watch the scene, you can see it. You can physically see Kurt’s hard work all go to waste because of that comment. But then Finn follows it up with saying “I can’t live here, I’m a dude.” That line for me is the one that really made me dislike Finn very very strongly, because he not only said Kurt wasn’t a man to his face, he also views Kurt as nothing but his sexuality. That is further proven when he describes how uncomfortable he is around Kurt just because Kurt has a crush on him. And yes, Kurt was creepy, but after then, when they started living together, he just tried his best to make Finn feel as welcome and as comfortable as he can make him feel. But then sees that everything has been pointless, because Finn makes it a point to tell him that he puts his underwear on in the shower before he comes out when Kurt’s around. And that’s just fucked up. And a lot of people say that Finn “didn’t mean it” when he said the f-slur, but let me tell you something. You don’t just accidentally say something twice out of anger. If you really didn’t mean it, you would apologise right when it left your mouth. But Finn’s lack of an apology only proves that he meant every word of what he said. Next is when Finn refused to help Kurt out with Karofsky. I can only talk briefly about this because it actually makes me so fucking mad I can’t explain it. So, Rachel asks him to help Kurt out and confront Karofsky, right? And Finn refuses. Because, and I quote: “We both know I can help him more if I stay on top.” And I think he even says “Kurt will be fine” too, completely ignoring the fact that Kurt is so terrified to go to school, he’s losing weight (there are speculations that he cuts), but Finn doesn’t care about that. He only cares about the fact that he needs to stay popular. Oh and the fact that Karofsky plays right guard and wont guard him during the football game is he’s pissed and they’ll lose. He picks FOOTBALL and POPULARITY over his soon-to-be stepbrother’s MENTAL/EMOTIONAL/PYSICAL H E A L T H. I cannot explain how angry that makes me. Not to mention, the amounts of times he’s played victim. Especially with Rachel. One time that really pisses me off is when he goes “have you ever thought about what I’m going to do in New York?” and Rachel starts stammering over herself and assuring him that she’ll find something that he fits into since he doesn’t know what he’s going to do with his future. And then he asks her about California and Puck’s pool business. Even though he knows Rachel has been set on New York and NYADA since she was a little girl. He knows that she has all of those ambitions and she has an entire plan in her life and she’s already trying to shift those plans to fit Finn in with her. And for him to tell her that he wants her to give all of that up to come with him and Puck to California is actually more selfish than Rachel is. Oh! And not to mention he outed Santana too. Let’s not forget that. In front of basically the whole damn school too. He also kissed Emma. And he also cheated on Rachel with Quinn. And then actually broke up with Rachel when she made out with Puck a bit because she wanted to get him back for cheating on her and sleeping with Santana (even though it doesn’t excuse what she did at all, I just think Finn was being a hypocrite.) And he also cheated on Quinn with Rachel in the first season, and he led Rachel on for the entire first season, Or most of it at least. Coming in at #3: Mr. Schue: I’m just gonna speed through this: -He was a creep/pedo with both the girls and the boys -He had a savior complex and tried to force Emma’s OCD away and fix it instead of help her -He encouraged Emma’s crush on him even while he was married -He twerked with a bunch of minors -Suspended a minor for not wearing a bra she was uncomfortable in -He dealt really badly with Rachel’s crush on him -Never listened to his students’ input -hallucinated children while he was sick -Was very awkwardly touchy with his students -His best friend was 19 -refused to stop twerking even when offered the exchange for a trans student to use a staff bathroom to avoid getting bullied -overreacted after finding out Terry wasn’t pregnant Now the moments you’ve all been waiting for. Coming in at #2: Noah Puckerman: Now I was stuck on Puck for a while, I didn’t think he really was that bad of a guy for a long time. But just one thing Quinn says was enough to sway me and put him this high on my list. In one of the earlier episodes, Puck starts teasing her and being a dick after finding out she’s pregnant. And so she says: “You got me drunk off of wine coolers and I was feeling fat that day...” Now if you break that sentence down, she literally says “you got me drunk.” implying that Puck himself wasn’t drunk when this all took place. Meaning, Noah Puckerman r@ped Quinn Fabray. She never cheated on Finn. Puck purposely got her drunk just so he could get what he wanted. Especially considering she never put out and she was president of the Celibacy Club. Now must I say anything else? No. I didn’t think so. And finally, coming in at #1: Blaine Anderson: I know Blaine is everyone’s smol bean gay bb boy. (*gag) but I have to tell you that he is not a good person whatsoever. I’ll give him credit though. In the 2nd season he was really sweet and I actually really liked him. But as the seasons progressed, he got worse. In S3E5, Blaine and Kurt go to a gay bar together, and Kurt helps Blaine out after he gets too drunk. Then as soon as he tries to get Blaine in the car, Blaine starts coming onto him and kissing his neck and trying to convince him to have s3x with him, even though Kurt keeps repetitively saying no. And then he plays the victim after Kurt blows up at him and says “well I’m sorry for trying to be spontaneous and fun!” and then proceeds to walk home, getting mad at Kurt for nothing. Then in another episode. I think it was later in season 3, Kurt meets Chandler. And Blaine had been ignoring him for a while before that, so Kurt starts talking to Chandler only because he makes him feel good about himself. And he obviously thought it was okay because Blaine did the same thing with Sebastian but called him all the time and flirted with him and dirty danced with him etc. So when Blaine goes through Kurt’s phone, he finds the messages and makes a huge deal out of it and accuses Kurt of cheating on him. Then publicly humiliates him in front of the Glee club with a song about cheating. And then proceeds to go and cheat on him anyway. And then as soon as they were going to NYADA together, Blaine didn’t like all the attention Kurt was getting after he started to get more fit and more attractive and he was extremely jealous of him and over protective, not letting Kurt have any other male attention. At all. And Blaine is just super stingy with Kurt and doesn’t let him live his life and then pays victim whenever he gets confronted by him. Oh and not to mention he dated the one person that made Kurt’s life a living hell for the longest time and decided to rub it in his face. So there we have it folks. My new least favorite Glee characters and all the reasons why. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[wiltedeyesandtwistedlies]

What are the inattentive symptoms of ADHD?

Before I answer, it’s important to acknowledge that not everyone experiences ADHD the same way. I came up with this list through hours of extensive research, but I still explained each one based on how I experience them personally, because I wanted it to be an honest and accurate resource.

Now, I experience every inattentive symptom of ADHD severely. As well as most hyperactive type symptoms, but not nearly as severely. Hence why my explanations are on the severe side. So if you don’t experience every one of these, or you don’t experience them exactly like this, that doesn’t mean you don’t have ADHD.

Most Commonly Known Symptoms:

Inattentive ADHD is pretty much the same thing as hyperactive ADHD but with less hyperactive tendencies. So technically these symptoms apply to both, but ADHD has a few more that won’t be listed here.

• Inability to focus on disinteresting or unengaging tasks even if you need or even want to – As if your brain physically won’t let you. Because that’s exactly what’s happening. There is no, “Just do it because you have to.”

For real. Imagine a video came where you’ve reached the end of the map and there’s that invisible barrier to keep you from going any farther. But all the other players are passing it just fine. They look at you like you’re crazy and can’t believe that you can’t get through. But it’s literally IMPOSSIBLE.

Now apply that to easy individual movements or tasks like plugging in your charger right next to you or washing a few bowls.

• Focusing WAY too much on this single thing whether you like it or not. It’s called “hyperfixating” and it’s both the most exhilarating experience in the world and the most soul crushing. You can watch/do nothing else, consume nothing else, think of nothing else. It’s exciting and invigorating. But as soon as there is no more material/info about it to devour, existence is gray and meaningless. The adrenaline rush and laser focus are like nothing else, but the crash is just as intense.

• Inability to divert attention to something different when you're already focused on something else. (More of a product of the two above, really)

• Inability to organize or maintain a neat system. It’s not that we don’t have a system (because we do, and if it’s altered in the most miniscule way we will know and we will be furious) but that our systems tend to be more about ease of access. It looks messy, but everything is just easily reachable instead of tucked away in drawers or hidden in organizer bins.

“Out of sight, out of mind.” As soon as we can’t see it, or we get used to it and it becomes a background visual (like background noise but for your eyes), it no longer exists. Until we see it again we have never seen it before either.

• Emotions are forceful and kinda scary. Lacking the ability to regulate emotions means violently strong feelings. They can sweep you away and leave you stranded in an uncomfortable predicament. Major highs and lows as well as strong grudges and emotionally based actions.

• Distractability: There’s this stereotype that all people with ADHD are hyper airheads who cut off mid sentence to shout random shit like “SQUIRREL!” whenever they see something remotely interesting. They’re super excited about it and HAVE to let everyone know, no matter what they were doing before. It’s kind of the “cutesie” version that the media portrays a lot. Most ADHDers don’t actually fit this stereotype.

However, stereotypes are often based on true characteristics, even if they have been twisted into a sick joke or a cruel portrayal.

NOTE: There is nothing wrong with this form of ADHD. It just sucks that if you don’t match this stereotype, no one really believes you have ADHD. Also that so many people use it to insult and bully people with ADHD, even if that isn’t how they display their symptoms.

Lesser Known Symptoms:

Basically if these are #relateable, you probably have ADHD.

• Unable to conceptualize time in any way. Will this take two minutes? Three hours? No one knows! You thought this would take a half hour at most and it’s taken three! How?? This was a five-minute task and you’ve just realized you zoned out. It felt like two seconds but it was two hours!

• There is only Now and Not Now. Again, it’s a time thing. The future always seems so far away that it's almost like it doesn't exist. "Time is a construct" is something I often say because I have no sense of time passing, having past, or will pass. People describe me as "living in the present.” But that’s only because I forget that there is a future or that time is moving. I just don't think about it at all and when I try to it's impossible to understand and it feels made up.

• Sensitive to any form of rejection, actual or perceived. A friend texts you back, but they don’t sound nearly as enthusiastic as usual. You immediately tear your message apart to try to find what upset them and how you can make it up to them. Because surely that’s what that nontypical period means? You want to curl up in a hole and never come out, never face the horrible thing you’ve done to a treasured friend. Intense fear and sorrow mingle into all consuming guilt. The kind that makes you wish you’d never met them, just so they wouldn’t have to be hurt by you now. All because they added a period.

Everyone with some form of an anxiety disorder will recognize this. But it’s also a very common ADHD experience. This is in part because anxiety is SUPER likely to be comorbid with ADHD. But we also have Rejection Sensative Dysphoria. Which basically means we’re ridiculously sensitive to the slightest possibility of the barest chance that we maybe might receive a sliver of perceived ambiguous rejection. To the point where we cut off good relationships for seemingly no reason because we’re too afraid to even speak to them again, much less explain our emotions that we know are irrational but can’t help. The guilt and regret are too agonizing, the fear to face them too much.

• Reading is AWFUL. We’ve already established that attention is not your friend. Unfortunately, that makes it difficult to read blocks of boring text. The information could be good, it could be fun even. But if the format is too uniform and plain, it’s impossible to get past the first few sentences. You just keep rereading the same line over and over, realizing every time that you zoned out halfway across. It’s infuriating and very sad. It also makes studying an absolute nightmare.

Many people actually don’t have this experience. They hyperfocus on their reading or their schoolwork so it isn’t a problem. I was the same way until college and now I can’t even read a little recipe card without zoning out. But it’s a very common experience nevertheless so I listed it anyway.

• Ringing ears, hearing electricity. This is one I just heard about. I haven’t been able to actually research this one, but it’s interesting and every ADHDer I know has confirmed it so I’m adding it. ‘Cause I’ve had constant ringing since I was old enough to talk. And I’ve always been able to hear power lines, household appliances, wires inside the walls, all those varying vibrating hums and crackling pops. It’s one of the weird quirks that “run in the family.” Just like Tinnitus and all ADHD symptoms. Apparently, MANY people with ADHD have similar experiences.

• Negative stimming. Things that negatively stimulate your senses. After encountering a certain stim, you feel it physically. It causes a sensation that hurts, in a way. It shouldn’t, logically. But your body’s reaction is to pain. This includes foods you can’t eat because the texture is wrong. Clothing you can’t wear because you can easily breath but no you really can’t because the collar sits wrong against your throat. Sounds that make your spine stiffen or skin crawl. Bright lights or colors that don’t affect anyone else but make your head ache.

Stims and sensitivity can affect any and all senses. A certain smell, agitating fabrics, an unbelievably smooth stone, specific tastes and food textures, certain color combinations, particular sounds/pitches/volumes, et cetera.

• Positive stimming. The other side of the sensory coin. Things that are exceptionally pleasant to your senses/stimulate you positively. For example, the way light shines through a transparent bright blue gem. Watching the light catch and twist so fluidly when you move it takes your breath away. There’s a euphoric feeling to it, and you can’t look away. It’s too pleasing. It’s like a deep satisfaction you can physically feel throughout your whole body, emanating from deep within your chest. You never want to stop that feeling.

Personally, it feels like my chest is somehow much deeper than it actually is. And at the farthest, deepest part is where that satisfaction settles. Nothing else can ever reach that hidden, impossibly deep cavity. It’s so amazing, I never want it to stop. It can feel like that endless pit is starved, and the stim is the first sustenance it’s ever had so it never what’s to let it go.

• Forgetting supposedly unforgettable things. Like where the fuck I parked my car. Also what my car looks like. It’s blue right? It has a hatch. I accidently memorized the license plate (complicated story) but I can’t tell you what model it is?? Is it even in this parking lot? I’ve never parked anywhere else but my memory is obviously garbage so now I need to check every parking lot just in case.

End Note:

It’s important to know that ADHD has many symptoms that overlap with other nuerodivergencies such as autism or ASD. Executive dysfunction can be caused by a number of mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. Emotional regulation problems can look just like Bipolar disorder and vice versus.

My point is, every symptom could actually be something else. It’s really easy to be misdiagnosed because they all have such similar symptoms. I know someone who thought they had ADHD for years, but it was actually a mix of severe depression and anxiety that fucked with their working memory (as both depression and anxiety do). Someone else I know was diagnosed with manic depression and thought they might be bipolar, but it was undiagnosed ADD the whole time.

[lifewithchronicpain-original]

I know this is most likely my internal ablism speaking but I feel like my pain is not valid because. 1 - its usually rests at 3 - 5 which isnt that severe 2 - it started after an untreated injury that was partially my fault 3 - i have no diagnosis Opinions? Advice? Am I valid?

Here’s a link to a pain scale I like. I want you to note that level 5 pain is moderate pain enough to interfere with daily activities. 3-4 is still significant as it intrudes on your mind and concentration that maybe you can do stuff but you didn’t do it as well as you could have. It’s easy to feel like you need to be above 5 for it to be significant, but the fact that you have constant pain are alarm bells no matter how bad it is. A smoke alarm is still telling you there’s a fire no matter the volume of the alarm or size of the fire. And I know well from experience when you ignore a small spark of pain, it will get bigger. I understand the feeling that it’s not enough and it’s not just internal ableism but the ableism of society that says “everyone aches just take an Advil!” So like it’s also not your fault your having trouble coming to the terms of the reality of this pain.

To address your next concern, I would like to tell you about my left knee. In 2008 I was at gay night for Halloween at the roxy I think it was. I got drunk and tripped over a coffee table. I woke up the next day to a swollen knee like never before and a strange feeling when walking. I saw a doctor, treated it for sprain and moved on with my life with some pain but nothing major.

That spring I worked for anime Boston as the director of registration, so I’m not just walking around a large con, I’m on my feet working it and in charge of all the registrations for like 18k people. My knee exploded with pain. I called my mom for my crutches from when it was sprained and carried on. Everyone asked me what happened and I had to explain over and over an old injury was flaring up.

Now this time in my life was convention crazy. I worked AB but attended a lot of east coast cons and even made it to Dragon*con that same year (‘09) and by then I had bought a cane just for cons and pursued an answer at my doctors. I had patella subluxation. So when I went to a con in Atlanta stretched across 4 hotels I felt no guilt in taking advantage of their handicap seating. This allowed me to wait in line sitting at the entrance, get a decent seat and enjoy some great celebrity panels.

I know that if people knew my injury came from being drunk at a nightclub would judge me for my handicap. But truth is those same people probably drink and are at the same risk of tripping over their feet and getting a life long injury like mine. The only reason these kinds of people think someone like me would deserve less is because they mistakenly think it couldn’t possibly happen to them.

But you know what? When I told my convention friends they laughed with me at the circumstances and didn’t question my use of disability services. They could see my leg was never the same and had to sometimes remember to slow down, which they gladly did. You might be surprised what the people whose opinion matters most to you think of the whole situation. I can’t judge what the people in your life are like, but there are reasonable people out there and I truly believe we are surpassing the ignorant.

Furthermore, while I know drinking was obviously a factor, I now know that I am naturally unbalanced due to a problem with my feet. I also just have balance issues in general that I think may be attributed to autism and adhd. That means that my chances of falling fucking up my knee were very high, and if it didn’t happen then it would likely have been a matter of time. But even if it was a pure drunken accident, it doesn’t matter. Everyone has accidents and they still deserve respect for their needs as a disabled person.

I can’t give you any answer to a diagnosis obviously but I can say that every single one of my pain causing conditions existed before they were diagnosed. Whatever is ailing you, I hope you pursue the answer and don’t give up. You aren’t in pain for no reason even if you don’t know the reason yet. You are most certainly one of us. 💕

[kainumbernine009]

I literally cannot do anything else until I get this out.

I’m... really not okay.

And when I say that, I’m not mentally unstable. I say that because I’m tired of waiting on empty promises, I’m tired of never having money in our account, I’m tired of living in a fucking city where half of the white people fucking worship the ground Trump walks on, and where most of the gay community has so much messy drama that it’s worse than middle school. And I went to a rough middle school.

I never talk about my past, because I don’t like to. It sucked. HARD. Being and only child in my family was nothing less than torture, especially as a closeted queer person. We grew up in the white Christian part of Nashville that dominated Music Row in the 90′s and early 2000′s. I played basketball with Alan Jackson’s daughter, and being around famous people was just no big deal. But, my parents decided to leave Nashville after my dad lost his job at TPAC, and we moved down south an hour to the town where the KKK got started (Pulaski, TN).

I had maybe two non-white people in my private Christian school growing up. I was never afraid of Black people, but my parents showed their racist asses quick when we moved there. The KKK has never left America, guys, no matter how many articles you read or studies you do. From 2005 to 2009 I saw a white town show its very worst to the Black community. I’ll never forget the first time I saw a march for “White Christians for Purity” the summer before Obama got elected. The disgust I felt inside was palpable. I had all kinds of friends in school, and I didn’t give TWO SHITS who they were or what they looked like... but I saw children my age, being brainwashed by their parents, that “white” is “right.”

Ever since then, I have been learning and growing about the issues of race. I remember my white classmates using the N word and getting away with it. I remember hearing about the principal at the high school punishing all the Black kids but not the white kids. I remember being invited to a church south of town that was a historically Black church, and how nice the ladies were to me for coming.

But I’ll never forget the racism that the religious groups promoted there, especially First Baptist Church and the 12 Tribes. I’ll never forget how FBC told me that my friend was going to Hell because she killed herself. I’ll never forget my mom telling me not to marry a Black man because of “impure genes.” I WILL NEVER FORGET THE INJUSTICES I SAW WHITE PEOPLE DOING TO BLACK PEOPLE THERE. NEVER.

And thank God, I have shaken the burden of religious guilt, but I still fight against this mentality. I live in a place that’s usually not even 10 minutes away from Trump-humping, sister-fucking, meth-addicted Confederate cunts in any direction. And we’re even closer to the rich white people who silently supported him, upset that their taxes would go up because of Biden.

And in the past four years since Trump got elected, I’ve gotten married, graduated college with honors, started my own photography business, and was making more than my husband there for a minute. I did my own taxes, marketing, editing, and everything. And then I came out as trans.

I lost everything.

I lost my studio. I lost friends. I had rumors started about me. I had people post hate messages on my wall. I had people at my drag shows tell others not to tip me, for whatever fucking reasons. I’ve had bosses give cis people jobs over me, and I’ve had government workers give me second looks when I hand them my license.

It. Fucking. Sucks. To. Live. Here. Like. This.

Oh yeah, did I mention I’m also a witch/medium? I’ve talked to dead people before and have told their relatives things I shouldn’t have known otherwise about their grandparents. Like, this information doesn’t even exist on Google. And I’m attuned to reiki. I’m always aware of what’s happening on at least SOME metaphysical level. This is a gift that I’ve had to go through life developing and learning about myself, with no one’s help but me.

I didn’t even know until I was an adult that I have autism and ADHD.

I’ve taken bullets from people who were about to kill themselves. I’ve yelled at 5th grade music classrooms for doing racist dance moves and appropriating Native Americans (I have a degree in Music Education K-12). I’ve consoled kids in classrooms who suddenly have panic attacks. AND I’ve told horny teenagers to stay in their fucking lane and respect the girls around them. I’ve apparently been an inspiration to those around me, but inspiration NOR exposure pays the bills. I’ve already had COVID, and so has my husband, but I knew that after graduating college that I would never have a fulfilling life being a music teacher in Tennessee’s public schools.

And now that we have COVID, and an orange, small-dicked, pedophilic, rape apologizing, dirty, crusty white president who STILL REFUSES TO CONCEDE, who is DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR HAVING HIS FOLLOWERS SEND DEATH THREATS TO MY FAMILY, I really don’t know what the fuck else to do other than go burn down all the houses I know of in North Georgia that belong to these Christian sex cult pedophiles and call it a day. My girlfriend unfortunately was born into one of those families, and I know just how bad it can get. In fact, her dad’s lawyer threatened me with blackmail earlier in November, so that was fun!

And now, on December 11, 2020, I’m still sitting here in the same fucking house, doing the same fucking things I’ve been doing all year - trying to get a job and failing horribly. I’M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS COVID BULLSHIT AND OUR INCOMPOTENT CUNT OF A PRESIDENT! And there’s only ever one other person I’ve ever called a cunt... my own mother.

I’ve lived in many places. I’ve met many different people. I’ve made mistakes, and have grown, but there’s one thing for damn sure that I always make sure to do, every single fucking day.

I ALWAYS try to do better.

In addition to this, I treat everyone with the same amount of respect, unless they have done something directly to me to negate that. If I know that someone believes in something that directly harms me or my family, I don’t even associate with them. I don’t spend my energy on things that don’t need it. And everyone else should, too.

The problem with some of y’all is that you care about the wrong things. Like will Becky text me back or did I get front row seats to that concert, or did I slave my life away to capitalism just so that I can own a Mercedes and have my friends jealous. I’ve had way too many dear death experiences to know that EVERY single fucking day is a gift. EVERY day.

I don’t want to be remembered first for the art I create. I want to be remembered for my character. I want to be remembered as the courageous person who never backed down in the face of adversity. But when you live in a place that already hates you and that is against you, that’s really fucking hard. Trust me. My marriage went from a cis straight passing couple to a white gay passing couple. I’ve seen how people’s attitudes changed around me as I transitioned. I know what it feels like to slowly lose a piece of your privilege you were born with.

So yeah, I kinda get a little fucking upset when I see people saying All Lives Matter, or when I see doctors refusing to treat trans patients in pandemics, or when I see cops YET AGAIN harassing Black people only a few blocks away from my house for no other reason than racism. And at this point, anyone who thinks they know me but only knows what people think they know about me can suck my entire ass and eat ten dicks. I don’t give a FUCK about who you are or what you’ve done. If you treat me or other people with no respect for no reason other than to be an asshole, you’re just plain shit. If you SERIOUSLY believe every little rumor and lie that someone tells about me before meeting me, fuck you AND the horse you rode in on.

What I can’t stand is people doing or saying things just to get a rise out of me or others. I thought we left petty shit in high school. Some of the people that “know” me really need to fucking grow up and grow a pair and either say what they want to my face, or stay mad. I’m tired of playing fucking petty games with y’all. We have a whole ass pandemic to solve.

So here’s the ultimatum... if you agree that Black Lives Matter and that queer people deserve basic human rights, EVEN THE ONES YOU HATE, then that’s the bare minimum to even be a decent person. If you can’t even do those things, then I don’t fucking know what else to say to you.

So NBC, maybe not have John Mulaney joke about my license debacle with my gold van on SNL, and Seth Meyers... maybe HIRE ME INSTEAD of Mulaney because clearly y’all don’t know about the south as much as I do? Oh, and that gazeebo joke with Lee University... I caught that. I may have autism, but I’m not a fucking idiot. I mean. I’m funny when I’m given the chance. And yeah, I’m on a watchlist, but who the fuck isn’t these days? At least all my secrets are out for the world to see, and I have a bangin’ tattoo.

I’m tired of everyone being like “omg, I’ve seen what he can do, it’s fantastic!” or “omg you’re so funny haha” and bragging on me and then NOT FUCKING HIRING ME. I’m TIRED of waiting on something that’s clearly at this point never coming.

I don’t even have testicles, and my balls are bigger than most of the cis men I have EVER met.

So, if you want to help me, or hire me, or get me out to an audition... I’ll be there. But until then, I’m so fucking MAD at some of these producers. Yeah, my mom is a cunt, but she worked in various forms of digital production from the 1980′s until she retired this year. She taught me SO MUCH about directing, writing, shooting, and more. I know how these things are supposed to run behind the scenes. I know what the fuck I’m doing, and I don’t take constructive criticism like a bitch. I actually WANT to be criticized, so I can do even better.

So PLEASE, for the love of Christ... y’all need to get your priorities together AND PLEASE STOP LEAVING ME OUT OF THE LOOP WITH THIS BULLSHIT. Grow a fucking pair and either call me, email me, or leave me alone. It’s really not that fucking hard. Looking at you, Lorne Michaels.

Oh and someone tell my husband what the fuck’s been going on because I’m tired of him gaslighting me about it.

[wynne-keyler]

Autism might be overdiagnosed, Canadian research suggests

A new meta-analysis published Wednesday in JAMA Psychiatry that analyzed 11 previous major studies carried out since 1966 found that individuals diagnosed with autism have become progressively less different from the general population.

Laurent Mottron, a research psychiatrist at the mental health unit of the Riviere-des-Prairies Hospital and one of the study’s authors, said the gap could soon narrow to nothing.

“Autistic people we test now are less and less different than typical people – really less and less, to the point where if the trend continues, we won’t be able to find the least difference within five or 10 years,” he said in an interview.

Mottron says the problem is that the criteria have lowered to the point where a diagnosis could become nearly meaningless.

“Right now, a diagnosis of autism is what allows one to get services in schools. When you have an autism diagnosis, you have much greater chances of getting all kinds of extra things compared to another condition, which is total nonsense, because the need for services is independent from a diagnosis.”

“The people who are diagnosed as autistic when they aren’t often have problems, but they’re not the same ones,”

(...)the cost of specialized services for autism are high and too many diagnosed children can spread resources too thin, meaning those who need them most don’t get enough.

Source: Autism might be overdiagnosed, Canadian research suggests | Globalnews.ca - Archived 6 Aug 2020 08:09:07 UTC

As someone still being misdiagnosed with it, this gives me solace. It’s not my fault.

If i had to self diagnose myself, i’d guess that I have Avoidant Personality Disorder and Chronic Fatigue syndrome, and I hate to take autistic people’s resources away when I know I don’t have it.

So no offence, but to all the people crying about how unfair and hard it is to get diagnosed, please stop and think about the consequences.

It’s SUPPOSED to be hard. There’s only so many resources to go around.

We all need to start advocating for other debilitating disorders getting the same recognition and help, not making the Autism Spectrum Disorder a catch all.

[courtneyyharper]

Top 10 Netflix TV Shows to Binge during Quarantine & Chill

To help out my fellow friends in lockdown and so you don’t have to put up the standard Instagram story asking, I’ll be doing a quick countdown of my top 10 tv shows available on Netflix that will hopefully help you all pass this monotonous time.

This goes without saying but I’m going to say it anyways: all opinions are my own and as admittedly these are all very popular shows please feel free to shoot me suggestions to broaden my own horizons!

I’m going to try and create some semblance of order and countdown from 10! So, without further ado…

10. American Horror Story

Okays, so maybe not one if you scare easily although it’s definitely verging more towards the creepy and uncomfortable side than horror. The good thing about this show is if you don’t like the plot, not to worry because the next season is a completely different ball game with a new story, new characters and probably even a different time period, making the show more of an anthology than a series. A nice little link is the use of the same actors each season and if you look closely, you’ll see the Easter eggs and links between!

It remains popular amongst it’s fanbase and although the initial hype that made me jump on the bandwagon in 2011 has eventually died down it’s still one to check out, if at least just for the first three seasons, if you want something a little strange and peculiar.

https://www.netflix.com/title/70210884?s=i&trkid=13747225

9. Gilmore Girls

Set in the little dreamy American town of Stars Hollow with fast-talking sarcastic humour and a coffee-loving mother and daughter bond at the centre. This is one for those of us who appreciate many a cultural reference and enjoys many a love triangle. An easy watch with truly engaging characters you’ll be sad when this show comes to an end… but not to worry they do one more season, A Year in the Life, to wrap everything up with a bow.

Perfect for an easy watch about college, boys, and most complicated of all… family!

https://www.netflix.com/title/70155618?s=i&trkid=13747225

8. Prison Break

A true classic! You’d be hard pressed to find someone that doesn’t consider this show one of the greats. It’s the one your mum’s boyfriend will continue to talk about and recommend time and time again, right? Just me? Well I finally gave in and was caught into the binge that is Wentworth Miller.

We see him play Michael Scofield, a structural engineer who gets himself purposefully incarcerated in order to save his innocent brother Lincoln from death row, with a classic prison escape. If nothing else this show has you on the edge of your seat for the first season and impressed at the continual twists and turns the character relations and plot takes. This is a show you want to see before it is eventually spoiled for you…

https://www.netflix.com/title/70140425?s=i&trkid=13747225

7. You

Although by show of hands Joe Goldberg is decidedly just Dan Humphreys on steroids, I can’t deny that each Boxing Day that the new season was released it was binged in one day. See Joe fall in love and do anything to keep it. Character driven; monologue driven. Binging this show may have you questioning who’s side you’re on once you’re rooting for the murderer and it’ll make you gasp out loud while doing it.

Just don’t get too attached to any of the characters…

https://www.netflix.com/title/80211991?s=i&trkid=13747225

6. Stranger Things

With an entrancing 80s vibe aesthetic we centre around the small town of Hawkins and a group of best friends during the disappearance of their friend Will and the appearance of a young mute girl with a shaved head and some peculiar abilities. As the story unravels, we’re brought into the world of the supernatural and government conspiracies based loosely on some very real and very spooky Soviet Union experiments. You may also be thinking ‘hey, these kids look familiar’ and that’s right they’re in every other show with a similar 80s theme (see: IT and I Am Not Okay With This). Oh, and Winona Ryder.

I can see this show climbing the list when I finally get round to watching that last season…

https://www.netflix.com/title/80057281?s=i&trkid=13747225

5. Peaky Blinders

I’m just going to say it, it’s cool. What gang movie or show isn’t? We see the Shelby family conduct some dodgy business in 1919 Birmingham as part of the gang, the Peaky Blinders (based however loosely on the real Peaky Blinders street gang in Birmingham). Perfect for fans of DiCaprio’s Gangs of New York. Run ins with the law, underhand criminal happenings in the back room of a bar, gang wars. Have I said enough? Cillian Murphy in a suit perhaps?

The only thing that stops this show being further up the list is despite the overall plot being capturing, each individual episode runs slightly slow, although that won’t affect the awe-feeling at the end of each one.

If nothing else you’ll really get off on the fun of saying ‘By order, of the Peaky focking Blinders!’ again and again until you drive even yourself crazy.

https://www.netflix.com/title/80002479?s=i&trkid=13747225

4. Suits

This one nearly made me change my whole career path and choose law for a degree.

With this show you’ve really got to binge to keep up with the legal jargon but it’s oh so worth it. Mike Ross, an extremely smart college dropout is questionably hired by Harvey Specter, high flying lawyer for a prestigious New York law firm, all while hiding Mike’s secret. And wearing lots and lots of very nice suits.

You’ll be surprised how fast you get sucked into the daily going-on of the law office. Plus, you get to see Meghan Markle (fun fact: who’s real name is Rachel!) pre-royalty vibes. Sleek, sexy, sophisticated, sharp-dialogue and by episode three you’ll be singing the Greenback Boogie and buying your own ‘You Just Got Litt Up!’ mug by the end of the week.

https://www.netflix.com/title/70195800?s=i&trkid=13747225

3. Atypical

A truly honest coming of age story as Sam Gardner, a teenager on the autism spectrum, attempts to navigate high school, family, friends, love and… penguins? This is one where you’ll just have to trust me and watch to understand.

https://www.netflix.com/title/80117540?s=i&trkid=13747225

2. The Vampire Diaries

Now we’re getting down to the nitty gritty. Okays, yes, if you’re a regular binger then chances are you’ve already saw this show. This show has been on my favourites list since the day it aired in 2008. The first adaptation ever (it’s the English student in me, sorry) that was better than the book and with 171 episodes it’s the ultimate binge.

Vampires (not the sparkly kind), witches, werewolves and love triangles all clash in the small town of Mystic Falls. Granted it sounds like a chick-flick, but I know just as many boy friends as girls that have got sucked (ha, get it?) into this rollercoaster. This is my number one recommendation to anyone who asks for a new show and I’ll say now what I always say: give this show a go and once you get over the cheesiness of the angsty story-telling from the beginning of Season One, then it’ll be worth every moment.

https://www.netflix.com/title/70143860?s=i&trkid=13747225

1. Friends

Oh… my… god!

The one where it’s controversial.

You probably love it, hate it or if you’re a culchie then you’re most likely discovering it for the first time (which still baffles me). If you didn’t grow up with this show on E4 nine times a day before Comedy Central stole it then I do feel sorry for you. A truly iconic show and if you truly believe that loving it is not a personality trait then I beg to differ.

Six friends learn about life, family, careers and relationships in New York city.

With 10 seasons it’s the ultimate binge and will always place my number one!

https://www.netflix.com/title/70153404?s=i&trkid=13747225

Netflix Honourable mentions:

Money Heist (Season 1 and maybe season 2, we didn’t really need more after that)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine (Because obviously: nine nine!)

South Park (yeah I know, I was against this show for years but recently just caved and #noregrats)

Lucifer (sexy devil, need I say more?)

Rick and Morty (which was originally on the list but got bumped because I’m just watching the same episodes again and again until they’ve lost all meaning now)

I hope this has helped a few people out and cut down the endless hours of scrolling before just watching something you’ve saw time and time again!

Well that’s all folks! Stay safe and happy binging! ✌🏼