#but using my ideas and pushing me out of projects? THATS new! hes changed so much within the past year and not in a good way..im so tired..

[sick-as-a-dog]

.

[when-are-you-coming-back-steve]

What’s your new Anger? (this is the inaction to tell me I am a big fan of your crit posts. You make them consider and understandable while not being condescending to the reader (so so affectionate :) ))

OHOH BOY Heres the thing, I dont really post crit for much. Usually I will like and reblog some valid posts that come up naturally and if its really a problem for me I tend to leave easy. But Thomas Sanders is killing me and takeover is a bad influence /j

But basically he reminds me of the worst coworkers you've had and he's just. Terrible at the job he ASSIGNED HIMSELF. He brands himself as a youtuber. He promises videos for one of his most popular endeavors which was lowkey a rebranding after vine was shut down and he was no longer a popular comedian on vine. And then he abandoned his largest project. And that wouldn't be a problem! If he did what majority of other cc's do. So many youtubers leave behind what made them popular, the move on the other things because it makes them happy and allows them to continue to bring content. There's usually some fans who are angry at this move but atleast most of those youtubers are transparent about this change. They communicate with their community setting the expectations going forward and they stick with them! Thomas has not done this.

He promised us a large amount of work going into making a season finale, and then making another season and he might not be able to push out content at the rate he has done before but thats because he's putting everything into the finale

But we've had very little sander sides content since then. And these have their own problems as being short and "not being part of the main storyline" or being blatant ads. But Thomas is still cranking out other content, he took up tiktok where he is reliving his vine era, he plays games on a side channel. He streams but only for people that pay him. We took the long wait and said fine. Its nothing these fans haven't done before. But then he goes and months and months after he promised us the finale, he tells us he has began working on the script. What was he doing in those months? How is he only just starting bare basics of this thing we have been waiting on forever. Can you imagine this in a professional setting? You're coworker hell your boss has major procrastination on important projects and refuses to give you a timeline? But they still expect to be paid and continue their job while they are doodling in their office.

He attempts to reason this away with not having a lot of people and the pandemic inhibiting the team from filming. First of all they haven't hadnt had anything to film with the finale because they are still working on the script. The pandemic is no longer a major world problem right now. And when it was that wouldn't of had to stopped planning or filming, it might be harder to do with only one person there but it is possible and manageable!

When he does have his team it boggles my mind! I was in schools news in middle school, we worked in teams of 5-7. Each team was pushing out a video every week/every two weeks. Each video had an original hand crafted intro that was never done before on another episode in our show. We had multiple skits. We had announcements and weather and what we were having thst day. We had news anchors thst led us into each segment. This was all planned, filmed and edited by the team. Was it perfect? No but we had content constantly coming out with completely original ideas everytime while we were still learning how to edit videos. We spent an hour every school day on these, we also split those hours with assignments we had due. We cranked this stuff out in a max total of 14 hours. These tiny 6th graders did amazing work despite being children who are using Adobe for the first time and having such little time. This experience has made me more understanding of what exactly these youtubers do, its hard time consuming work. And this understanding is what makes me so angry about Thomas not having any progress in the finale. This absolutely could have been done by now. This absolutely could have been done months ago.

Tldr: Thomas sanders refuses to communicate effectively with his fans and to work efficiently on this project. The fact that this has been going on for over 900 days is absolutely atrocious. This is his job, one that he signed up for. If he was working for anyone in any field including this one he would have been fired. We deserved better than this and deserve better than him continuing to drag this out.

[sleepy-achilles]

Leon's Nightmare 2- Chapter 5- I Hate You.

Typical violence tws, demons and all that. Children involved this time tho.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Drew can't stop pacing. He doesn't know what to do, what to say. Who to call? "Drew, please." Taker sighs. "Dont. My daughter is out there with some demon and I have no idea where Leon is or if he's even okay!" Drew barks. "Leon is fine." Kane grunts out. Everyone but shawn looks at him shocked. "You can talk?" John asks confused. "No. Just projecting a voice so drew can understand." Kane states. Taker squints. "Thats what you've been working on? A fake voice so people can understand you?" Taker asks. "Damn right." Kane huffs.

"Focus people please!" Shawn barks. "I can't sense Leon." Taker admits. "I can. Try going a layer down." Kane tells him. "A protection hex? But why would he put one of those on? Especially if he is possessed" Taker asks. "He didn't." A new voice states. They all look to see val stood in the doorway. "Valentina?" Drew asks. "Wheres athena?" She asks walking in, Matthew close behind her. "Shes been taken." Drew admits.

Valentina looks straight at taker. "You bastard" she hisses moving towards him. "Stand down" a weak voice grumbles. Drew looks as Leon leans heavily against the doorframe. A baggy hoodie on, pale as a ghost, holding his ribs. "Leon.." Drew sighs. "You did what you could." Leon cuts in, using Matthew to move forward.

He leans against the table, eyes locked with taker. "Whats going on dad?" Leon asks. Taker sighs. "Why is athena being targeted? What was that thing? Are the other kids in danger?" Leon asks. Taker runs a hand over his head, avoiding Leon's eyes. "Dad? Dad answer me!" Leon barks, slamming his hand on the table. "No! Athena is the only one they could take." Taker snaps. Shawns eyes widen in realisation.

Leon straightens slightly. "What did you do?" Leon asks quietly, his eyes beginning to water. "You came to me..before athena was born..asking for advice...praying for change.." Taker begins quietly. Leon's breathing picks up.

---

"Whats wrong Lee?" Taker huffs sitting on the sofa. Leon lowers himself onto the coffee table, eyes full of tears. "I don't know what to do dad..." he whispers. Taker watches him. "What? Whats wrong?" "Drew really wants kids but...but with my history...they ain't allowing it. Any method..and I.. I don't know how to tell drew its nothing to do with us...its me..all my fault." Leon explains, his voice breaking. "Lee.." Taker sighs. "He deserves kids dad..he deserves the world." Leon whimpers. Taker sighs and pulls his son into a hug. Determination filling him. "And he'll get them. I promise." Taker whispers.

---

"What did you do?" Leon asks quietly. Taker shakes his head. "WHAT DID YOU DO!" Leon yells. "Leon, I did it out of the kindness of my heart-" "kindness of your heart? I do everything for you, everything you tell me to! I could of gone anywhere! I could of done anything! But I stayed here for you! I stayed here for pa!" Leon begins as Taker stands and starts to walk past him. "I can't do this. I thought I could but I can't." Taker sighs. Leon grabs his arm and pulls him back. Ignoring the burn it causes himself and taker.

"Thought you could do what? Huh? What are you trying to tell me dad?" Leon pushes. John and cassie stand, watching the pair. Leon examines his face. "Are you trying to blame me for the way this family is? the accident? You wanna blame me for that now? The day after my daughter goes missing?! YOU'RE GOING TO BLAME ME FOR THAT?!" Leon yells. "YES! Yes, because it all started with you. It always links back to god damn you" Taker growls pushing Leon back against the table. Leon's eyes widen. "Taker!" Shawn gasps.

"Everything is you" Taker snarls. "You wanna know how you got your perfect family? Me. I prayed and when that didn't work I turned to the books. The things I know best. And all you had to do was chose a pure soul and what did you do? You picked Valentina god damn Addams!" Taker yells. "Val.." Leon trails off as he looks at her.

"Shes not born to the valley" Leon states. "You think that makes you pure?" Taker asks. Leon thinks back.

--

"Easy cowboy" val huffs. Her hands covered in something dark. The same dark as the hex on his chest.

--

"It wasn't Matthew.. " Leon whispers. "You're a witch" Leon gasps. "Got me..my mama was raised with black magic..these things don't stop in the valley Lee." Valentina whispers. "The other kids have drew. Drew and shawn? The purest souls I've ever met. All you had to do was make sure they were born from a pure soul. A pure soul will always cancel out the evil. And you didn't." Taker snarls. "How was I supposed to know?!" Leon snaps. "You destined my kids to a fate of hell and now you want to blame me?!" Leon yells standing back up.

"I hate you. I hate you so damn much." Leon spits. Drews eyes widen. Taker takes a stunned step back. "I didnt destined them to anything. You. You cursed this family. Not me." Taker whispers. "Fuck you." Leon's voice cracks. "They died for you. We all will die for you. And you don't even have the heart to feel a damn thing." Taker snaps. "Fuck you" Leon's voice is weak, broken as he pushes past his father. "Ill get her back myself. My baby, that YOU damned. Not me" Leon hisses as he walks out. "Lee.." Shawn sighs. "Leave him." Drew suddenly speaks, shocking everyone. "How do we get athena back?" Drew asks.

"I have a way."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Leon closes the motel door as just stands there. His head is racing. So damn bad.

He thinks about it. How did taker hide it from them all?

--

"The cross is special. It doesn't burn us"

--

"He put a hex on the cross..." he whispers. "Thats why she started seeing things...that's why she could cross over.. because she wasn't wearing it.." Leon gasps. A sudden rage fills him as he thinks about what just happened.

His father blames him for something he wasn't even born for.

His father blames him for everything.

Deep down, Leon thought it was the case. But to hear it? No kid wants that.

He moves to the bathroom, straight to the sink to splash water on his face. This is when he spots the stain on his hand from the hex. He begins scrubbing at the skin, even when the stain is gone, he continues scrubbing.

They all see you as a monster now.

You took their lives and ruined it.

You are the problem.

If you were gone, athena would still be here.

You monster.

SMASH, CRACK.

Leon's fist connects with the mirror before he punches the phone off the wall and begins to destroy the motel.

He doesn't stop until his knees give out. He falls down in the middle of the room, blood pooling on his fingers. His vision begins to blur as his breathing becomes heavy. His eyes fill with water. "Why? What did I do to deserve this?" Leon chokes out as he hunches over.

"Dont I deserve love? Don't I deserve a happy ending?!" He cries out as his hand grasps the dirty carpet.

"Can't I be free?"

"I can help with that." A new voice speaks.

------------------------------------------------------------------

John frowns as his hands start to hurt. "You alright?" Cassie asks quietly. He gasps as the pain shoots through his arms, hunching forward slightly. "Ah" cassie looks at me, the author, "you suddenly remembered our abilities? Forgot about them didn't you?" She asks. I smirk and nod at John. Cassie frowns and looks at John. "Hes not possessed anymore. I can never feel him when he's possessed" John hisses. Cassie side eyes me. "John?" Cassie asks as John closes his eyes and holds his head.

John grits his teeth at the pain. "Lee" he growls. He opens his eyes back and gasps at the dark room surrounding him and his brother. "You need to let me go" Leon whispers. "Wha...what?" John asks confused. "Let...me go.." Leon repeats before disappearing.

John looks around the dark area. "Lee? Leon!" He calls. "LET ME IN!" John gasps as he's shoved forward from behind.

The Manor forms around him, except...its different. Strange. Old. That's when his eyes land on her. Firey red curly hair, bright green eyes, pale doll like skin. Beautiful.

She's stood in the middle of the dining room, a item held in her hands, holding her attention. "Hello?" John tries. Nothing. Both their eyes move to the man who enters. Dark hair, bright blue eyes. "Athena darling, Its getting late." John's eyes widen. Athena? That makes him-"i know that Thomas but look. Look what my mirror is showing me" athena turns the mirror. John moves and pauses in confusion.

Leon.

Old Leon at that.

"A man?" Thomas asks. "Hes our grandson." Athena states. "Okay, athena...What's going on?" Thomas sighs, moving closer. "Hes damaged....traumatised and I know who's behind it. We can change this, we can stop him getting that scar!" Athena tells him. "Athena, even if we could, we shouldn't mess with the future." Thomas reminds her. "Its Paul. I keep having these nightmares...visions...he hurts our boys. He hurts our grandchildren. Their children." Athena tries. "Athena, I know you've had issues with Paul lately but this is too far. I'm going to work with him tomorrow and then ask him to keep some distance for awhile. And right now, we are going to go upstairs, kiss our youngest good night before going to bed. Then tomorrow, we will feed both our boys and send them off to school." Thomas tells her. "Yes..yes of course..w..where is-" "hes out with friends. Now cmon" Thomas grunts leaving the room.

John looks back at athena. Athena looks back down at the mirror. That's when John sees it. Him. John watches the fat man rush past the back window. "Paul?" John whispers rushing towards the window. He watches Paul rush towards the back. "No no..th.." John figures the house layout is the same, and he isn't wrong as he reaches the back door. He watches in horror as kane climbs out of bedroom window. How Paul opens the basement doors and starts the fire. "Nobody stands in the way of my plans athena. Nobody." Paul smirks as the fire builds. "Paul?" Kane whispers, scared and confused. "Im taking you to your brother." Paul tells him. "And mama..papa?" "They are with him. They asked me to do this" Paul lies.

John's heart breaks. Shatters.

"You maybe a witch Athena, but you will not be able to save you or them." He mutters.

"The fire...how does take-" John gets cut off as the world around him fades. It fades to the valleys graveyard. John looks to see taker knelt infront of the family gravesite. His head bowed low, Latin leaking from his lips. That's when John spots the demon. "You see...that baby? That baby is what opened hells gates. He destroyed your family. And he will do it again." The demon explains. "How can I trust you?" Taker grits out. "Have I ever lied to you? I told you about kane. I told you about Paul. Hell, I opened your eyes too Shawn. That sweet little soul" the demon purs. Takers head snaps up. "I told you-" "yeah yeah, keep his name out of my mouth." The demon huffs.

"Look, believe me or don't, I will be coming to collect what's ours. With or without Paul's hand in things. The Prince, will need to become king." The demon tells him. "No..please" Taker whispers. "Ill do anything" Taker pleads. "Oh I know. I'll be sure to cash in on this later, for now, I'm needed elsewhere. Go home." The demon mutters. That's when John realises he's staring right at him. The demon smirks and waves at him before disappearing.

John's eyes shoot open to see Shawn knelt over him. "Baby? Are you okay?" Shawn asks cupping his face. John sits up, his eyes landing on Taker. "It wasn't his fault. You know that and you still blame him?" John asks. "John?" Cassie asks. Then it hits John.

"Ill be sure to cash in on this later."

His eyes land on Leon's painting, drew took a picture of it planning to show taker. They printed it for those with not so good eyes.

John looks at taker with knowing eyes. "Why? Why would you?" John whispers. "I explained myself. I do not need to explain anymore." Taker tells him. "You know, selling your sons child does need some sort of explanation" Matthew comments. Taker glares at him. "And what do you know mutt?" Taker spits. Matthew growls at him, eyes flashing red. "As a mutt, I know damn well how important family is you do not sell them out to a damnd demon" matt snaps. Taker turns fully to him.

"This isnt helping." Valentina snaps. "All this fighting is not helping at all!" She barks. "Taker didn't sell athena. Taker made a deal to protect us all and me and Leon? We fucked that up. I didn't realise athena would be wholeblood." Valentina sighs. "Wholeblood?" Drew asks. "Leon is wholeblood, cassie is half-blood. Beau, Ophelia and cas are half-blood. Athena is wholeblood. H is just like you and shawn. Humans cursed with gifts from the valley. That nightmare you had wasn't a nightmare drew." Taker explains. "The valley accepts us in and the longer we stay, the stronger we get" Shawn states.

"Athena was never supposed to be wholeblood." Val whispers. "If anything Beau shoulda been, right?" Drew asks. "No. Because beau is yours. Drew, we did it because they weren't allowing Leon to give you the kid you wanted. And then I was told they suddenly had a change of heart and I.. I still wanted a child. Leon helped. So, beau was the gift from the demon, but athena was the only thing he could dig his claws into" valentine tries to explain. (In other words adding beau as the oldest actually fucked up this entire storyline but I put my whole heart into taker and Leon's fight and don't want to rewrite it and ruin it)

"Where would he be keeping her?" Matthew asks. "Somewhere Leon can't go." Taker states. "So purgatory..." Matthew sighs. Valentina looks at him. "We need to find Leon." She whispers.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Athena sits by the water, watching the fish as they follow the stream down. The world is cold, bleak looking. The monster left her here, explaining he couldn't stay but he'd be back. And well, she couldn't exactly leave.

But she was quick to learn the only safe space was near the water. The monsters lurking here seemed to shy away from it. Even if they wanted to kill her.

She hugs her knees to her chest as tears leak. She misses his siblings. She didn't get to see Beau before she was taken. She misses her dad's. Her mama.

She can already tell they are all split because of it.

She tenses at a soft snarling noise behind her.

She couldn't sit here doing nothing. Not now.

[caitimetravels]

she’s insignificant

chapter 3: the dangers inside

the umbrella academy x reader

disclaimer: i do not own the plot/storyline of the netflix tv series and i do not own the umbrella academy characters.

warnings: swearing, mentions of death

masterlist

y/n stared at the blue energy in the courtyard before deciding to join her siblings as they rushed to see what it was. as she ran down the stairs she caught sight of klaus holding a fire extinguisher.

"what are you doing?" she caught up with him.

"something" he shrugged, bursting out the door first. "out of the way!"

"thats not going to- klaus what the hell?" y/n went to stop him only to watch as he tried to extinguish the mass of energy. she shook her head in disbelief, stepping beside vanya.

klaus chucked the extinguisher when he realised it wouldn't work.

"what is that gonna do?" allison shouted over the loud noise. klaus threw his hands up.

"i don't know. do you have a better idea?" he stepped back in surprise as another flash came from the portal. luther pulled klaus back.

"everyone get behind me!" and in true sibling rivalry diego nodded, shielding vanya and y/n.

"yeah, get behind us!"

they watched, brows furrowing at the familiar figure that dropped to the ground. as they stepped closer the vortex disappeared.

"is that-?" y/n looked up at vanya, peeking around diego to see.

there, in a too large sized suit, stood their missing brother. he pushed himself to his feet taking in their appearance.

"does anyone else see little number five is that just me?" klaus questioned as they walked closer. the said boy stared down at himself in confusion before looking back at them.

"shit" he cursed.

--------------------------------------------------

they all moved back into the kitchen, letting five do as he pleased while he explained what he needed to.

he placed a chopping board and knife on the table while the others stood at the other end. y/n stood off to the corner, not entirely comfortable with them after being accused of murder. "what's the date? the exact date"

five walked around, grabbing bread to make himself a sandwich. vanya answered, "the 24th"

"of what?" five pushed walking back over.

"march"

"good" he pulled out two pieces of bread, laying them on the chopping board.

"so, are we going to talk about what just happened?" luther raised an eyebrow, expectantly but five stayed silent. "its been 17 years!" luther stood, frustrated but five wasn't taking any of his bullshit.

"it's been a lot longer than that" the shorter boy walked towards him before blinking behind him to grab the marshmallows. luther sighed,

"i haven't missed that"

"where'd you go?" diego piped up, unfazed.

"the future" five sighed, "and it's shit by the way" he opened up the bag of marshmallows.

"called it!" klaus raised his finger.

"do you want one?" five looked up at y/n, referring to the sandwich, a soft gleam in his eyes. the others shared a look, of course he had only missed her. she gently shook her head with a small smile. "i should have listened to the old man" five walked to the fridge, pulling out a jar. "he knew. travelling through space is one thing, travelling through time is a toss of the dice"

he paused as he opened the peanut butter, looking up at them again before noticing klaus' attire. "nice dress"

"oh, danke" klaus twirled loose material around. allison rolled her eyes.

"how did you get back?"

"in the end i had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time" he continued making his sandwich like he hadn't just shocked them.

"that makes no sense" diego scoffed,

"well, it would if you were smarter" five shrugged, ignoring the way diego stood up to fight him. luther held him back.

"did you put a decimal point in the wrong spot?" y/n asked, surprising the others. she crossed her arms, thinking "it was probably a miscalculation in your proof of the existence of a bound for the number of limit cycles of planar polynomial vector fields of fixed degree."

five paused, thinking it over before realising she was right. "it should have been 0.57" he mumbled.

"how long were you there?" luther changed the subject, obviously confused.

"45 years" five went back to his sandwich making. "give or take"

everyone sat back down in shock.

"so what are you saying? that you're 58?!" luther narrowed his eyes in disbelief. there was no way.

"no" five looked up, speaking through gritted teeth. "my consciousness is 58. apparently my body is now 16 again"

"how does that even work?" vanya croaked out, still shocked at the situation.

"delores kept saying the equations were off" five shrugged, stepping away and looking off into the distance as he took a bite of his sandwich. "bet she's laughing now"

"delores?" vanya asked. y/n froze, he had kept her? at the girl's movement, or lack thereof, allison looked over at her, raising her eyebrows.

y/n shook her head, waving it off.

five picked up the newspaper on the table, staring at the picture of their father.

"hm.. guess i missed the funeral"

"how'd you know about that?" luther questioned, defensive.

"what part of the future do you not understand?" five narrowed his eyes, slightly amused by his brothers incompetence. "heart failure, huh?"

"yeah-" diego started only to be cut off by luther.

"no" there was silence for a moment before a kitchen knife stabbed into the table beside luther's hand.

"if i had murderous intent, luther, you'd be the first on my list" y/n scoffed, walking out.

they all stared after her in shock.

"nice to see nothing's changed" five sighed before following her out.

"thats it?" allison asked, turning towards him as he walked. "thats all you have to say?"

"what else is there to say? circle of life" he called back.

--------------------------------------------------

vanya walked up to five in the parlour where he stood staring at his painting.

"nice to know dad didn't forget me" five turned to her, "read your book by the way.. found it in the library that was still standing"

he started to walk around, noticing y/n sitting on the balcony above. she had her legs dangling through the bars, calmly reading a book. he turned back to vanya.

"thought it was pretty good, all things considered" he stared her down, "definitely ballsy, giving up the family secrets. sure that went over well"

"they hate me" vanya frowned,

"well there are worse things that can happen" five was obviously trying to cheer her up, in his own way.

"you mean like what happened to ben?" there was a pause, both thinking it over.

"was it bad?" five asked softly, he knew y/n was still listening. he heard the faint sound of a book shutting. he looked away as vanya nodded.

"y/n had a hard time dealing with it.. the worst of all of us. dad forbid her from going on missions after her reaction.."

"her reaction?" five turned back, eyebrows furrowing, this wasn't in vanya's book.

"she nearly tore our souls out.. she was devastated and couldn't control her emotions. dad said it helped her though, something about a new ability. he trained her alone from then, forcing her to find you" vanya shrugged, sighing, going silent.

"find me?" five pushed, "what do you mean find me?"

"she said she did.. did she not?" vanya looked surprised now.

"no, no she did.. just didn't stay long is all" five shook his head, frowning.

"yeah well, they stopped trying when she lied to dad"

"she lied?" five looked back up at where she was previously sitting but now she was gone, the only thing left behind was her book and a wisp of smoke.

--------------------------------------------------

"ben.. i'm- i'm scared" eight sat cross legged in front of his statue. "my powers are getting stronger and i'm scared to hurt the others. i wish you were still here" she refused to cry no matter how much she wanted to. she couldn't let the same thing happen.

"i'm scared ben. what if i can't control it? what if hurt somebody? you're not here to help me and i-.. it hurts sometimes. dad doesn't understand, he never did but it hurts to suppress my emotions like he wants me to. we try so hard and he still never thinks we're enough.." she paused, pulling her knees up to her chest. "what if i am weak? what if he's right?"

unbeknownst to her ben's ghost sat beside her. "you're not weak" he shook his head, moving to look at her face. "you'll never be weak, you're so strong. please keep being strong for me" he pleaded with her as she continued to blame herself. he hated this. he hated not being there for her. he just wanted her to be okay.

--------------------------------------------------

y/n walked beside five, standing under his umbrella with him. they didn't speak as they walked back out into the courtyard. the siblings all stood in line with luther in front of them, carrying their dad's ashes.

"did something happen?" grace looked at them all, smiling despite the occasion. they all looked up at her.

"dad died.." allison answered, confused. "remember?"

"oh, yes of course" grace nodded, expression turning more somber.

"is mom okay?" allison asked, now worried about how grace was acting.

"yeah, yeah she's fine" diego quickly defended, "she just needs to rest, you know, recharge" allison looked incredulous but dropped it nonetheless.

pogo stepped forwards, looking up at luther. "whenever you're ready, dear boy"

luther breathed out, opening the lid and dropping the ashes in a pitiful pile. they all frowned.

"probably would have been better with some wind" luther griped,

"does anyone wish to speak?" pogo ignored it, looking at the rest of them. everyone stayed silent, looking away. "very well.. in all regards, sir reginald hargreeves made me what i am today, for that alone i shall forever be in his debt. he was my master and my friend and i shall miss him very much.." he paused, "he leaves behind a complicated legacy-"

"he was a monster" diego cut off, still staring down at the ashes. klaus laughed. "he was bad person and a worse father. the world's better off without him-"

"diego" allison scolded, glaring at him in surprise.

"my name is number two. you know why?" he looked over at her. "because our father couldn't be bothered to give us actual names, he had mom do it"

"would anyone like something to eat?" grace asked, smiling again, unaware of what was happening.

"no, its okay mom" vanya denied, albeit confused.

"oh, okay"

"look, you wanna pay your respects" diego stepped out in front of them, "go head, but at least be honest about the kind of man he was" he looked at pogo now.

"you should stop talking now" luther warned, anger growing. diego glared at him for a moment before fully turning to face him.

"you know, you of all people should be on my side here, number one"

"i am warning you-" diego ignored him,

"after everything he did to you" y/n sighed, crossing her arms to her chest, fighting wasn't going to fix any of them. klaus and five shared a look. "he had to ship you a million miles away"

"diego stop talking-" luther tried again. diego was definitely hitting a nerve. he jabbed a finger into luther's chest.

"that's how much he couldn't stand the sight of you!" luther grabbed his arm and swung at his head. diego ducked. they begun fighting while everyone else backed away.

"boys! stop this at once!" pogo attempted to stop them, moving back despite this.

klaus held an arm out to shield five and y/n. the former slapped it away. they continued to fight, diego egging him on and landing several punches. klaus began to chant while vanya yelled at them to stop.

"klaus" y/n warned, gaining both his and five's attention. her eyes were turning black, she was struggling.

"y/n? are you okay?" five hadn't been there, he didn't know what she would do if she lost control. pogo walked away, not wanting to stay. klaus nervously watched y/n while the others watched luther and diego fight.

"i don't have time for this" five sighed, beginning to walk away, leaving y/n with klaus under his small pink umbrella.

that was when it happened. y/n froze as they knocked ben's statue.

"aw" klaus complained while allison glared at them.

"and there goes ben's statue"

"klaus?" y/n's voice scared them all. she sounded weak. she gripped his jacket, tightly. "klaus"

"what's wrong?" he looked down at her, watching as she fought her emotions. her eyes were turning black but she kept fighting it.

diego pulled out his knife and vanya's shouting at him to stop made it harder for y/n to calm herself. he threw it at luther, cutting his arm.

"klaus" she called again and he held her arm unsure of what to do. "i-i can't.. i can't-" she let out a pained whine as her eyes darkened, she was letting go. suddenly diego and luther let out shouts of pain.

"what's going on?!" allison watched them, confused and distraught. vanya quickly left their mother's side, pulling y/n into her.

"its okay, you're okay" vanya whispered to her, trying to calm her. "it can be fixed, you're okay, just relax. try to relax" listening to vanya's heartbeat she slowly calmed down, the blackness of her eyes seeping away and diego and luther straightened, no longer in pain.

y/n stared at them in shock and guilt before shaking her head and running inside. she locked herself in her room again. she was truly a demon.

--------------------------------------------------

one by one the siblings left, y/n watched sadly as they all abandoned her again. she was always left alone, the family problems only got bigger when they got together. she sighed, maybe she was better off alone.

--------------------------------------------------

y/n looked up from her book as she heard frantic footsteps around the mansion. peeking out her door she noticed vanya slowing down in front of five's room.

"oh thank god" she disappeared through his doorway but y/n could still hear her voice. "i was worried sick about you"

five had talked to vanya? why hadn't he come to her?

"sorry i left without saying goodbye" five's voice answered softly. what had he been doing? y/n quietly left her room to hear better. she wanted to be apart of her brother's plans too. she didn't want to be left out anymore.

"no, i'm the one that should be sorry. i was dismissive and i guess i didn't know how to process what you were saying.." vanya paused, "i still can't to be honest"

"maybe you were right to be dismissive" five huffed, that didn't sound like him at all? what was he really doing? "maybe it wasn't real after all.. it felt real. but well, like you said the old man did say time travel could contaminate the mind"

well vanya referred him to a therapist y/n tried to sense the room. something else was going on. carefully using her power she felt another person.. klaus. when vanya walked out y/n quickly turned to smoke, gliding along the floor, past five who watched vanya leave. klaus pulled himself out of the closet.

"that's so touching, all that stuff about family and dad and time"

"will you shut up? she'll hear you" five warned him, walking back over.

"you're lying to vanya?" y/n appeared next to klaus, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow.

"it's nothing you should worry about" five dismissed before looking klaus over again. "i thought i told you to put on something professional"

"what? this my nicest outfit" klaus gestured to it. y/n snorted when five scoffed.

"we'll raid the old man's closet"

"whatever, as long as i get paid" klaus shrugged, beginning to walk behind five.

"when the job is done" they stopped just above the stairs.

"so, where are we going?" she followed along, smiling innocently at five who raised an eyebrow at her.

"not we, just klaus and i" five shook his head, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"five" she frowned,

"y/n" he mocked.

"just let me come, please don't leave me in the dark. i just want to help you" she pleaded, she had missed him.

he thought it over before sighing, "fine" he turned to walk again but klaus stopped him.

"but just so we're clear on the finer details" he waved his hand around, talking over the plan. "i just got to go into this place and pretend to be your dear old dad, correct?"

"yeah, something like that" five agreed, exasperated.

"what's our cover story?" klaus continued, ignoring five's look of annoyance.

"what? what are you talking about?" five shared a confused look with y/n who shrugged.

"i mean was i young when i had you, like 16.. like young and terribly misguided" five agreed just to get him to stop but he didn't. "your mother, that slut, whoever she was, we met at.. the disco and you can be his sister"

"i am his sister?" y/n raised an eyebrow, but klaus only smiled, clicking his fingers.

"okay, remember that. oh my god the sex was amazing"

y/n scoffed, walking away first, five following. "what a disturbing glimpse into that thing you call a brain"

"don't make me put you in time out" klaus waved a finger at him.

as they walked out the door onto the street y/n paused.

"what's wrong, baby sis?" klaus asked, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "you're not backing out already?"

"no!" she quickly denied, looking up at him as she snapped out of her starstruck daze. "it's just.. i haven't left the house in 16 years.."

klaus and five shared a sorrowful look. what had happened to her?

tags: @rxses-and-reverie

[ks-dreams-fantasies]

Hi can I request like a vinnie x reader like the reader wrote deja vu by olivia rodrigo (let’s pretend the reader wrote it and released it) and when the music video got posted on yt yall watch it together with the hype house members and when it finish your crying (tears of joy) and vinnie is proud of her and the other hype house congratulated the reader and thomas and alex filming everyone’s reactions and later thats night the reader and the other hypehouse member are hanging out in the living room and vinnie is all cuddled up to the reader and mia ask who’s the song abt and the reader said its abt vinnie and she explained it that she wrote the song when they broke up and vinnie got with another girl and everyone is shock.. you ucan continue it and do whatever you want in the end thank youu<33

Déjà Vu - Vinnie Hacker

Sooooo, I feel like this wasn't my best piece but I hope you still like it. I love Olivia Rodrigo 👀 I just can’t imagine Vinnie breaking someone’s hearts tbh, he looks way to sweet 

Warning : None

Word Count : 1.2k

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Today was an important day for you and your career. Your debut single Déjà vu was coming out and you couldn’t stop yourself from being excited but nervous at the same time. Having been doing covers of your favorite songs on social media for the last 2 years, fans wouldn’t stop asking you when your own music would come out. Today was the day they would hear your ideas for the first time in what seems like forever. You had posted little bits of some compositions you had made but never did you post a clip over 15 seconds long, let alone a full song.

You had been recording a lot in the past few weeks and when you presented the lyrics to Déjà vu to the producers, they fell in love with it. In all honesty you didn’t think it would be one of their favorites since it was sad and angry. You had written these lyrics a while back when you and your now boyfriend were apart. You and Vinnie had been good friends since the moment you had met. Being two growing TikToker, you found yourself hanging in the same places with the same group of friends.

Your relationship was complicated to say the least, you both knew you had feelings for each other, but he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship at the time and you were afraid to get into one as well. It didn’t stop the both of you of doing everything together, you were inseparable. From sharing one spoon to eat your favorite strawberry ice cream, to sharing clothes, you did everything a couple would do. All went crashing down the day you went on a trip with your best friends, a bunch of pictures of Vinnie and a blonde girl holding hand and sharing ice cream, laughing, came flooding the internet. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing, the guy you liked, the guy you thought liked you too was with another women having the time of his life not even giving the time of day.

A few days after you came back from your trip, Vinnie had texted you, but you had decided to ignore him, staying in your room writing down into your notebook. That’s how the lyrics for your new song were created.

After that, things got awkward between the two of you, both of you having the same friend group, hanging out wasn’t easy. He would often bring his new friend with him and the situation made you uncomfortable and sad. They would share moments together, moment you first had with Vinnie, moments you thought belong to the two of you. The girl even posted pictures of places Vinnie would bring her to, places you showed him first.

A few months past and the two of them broke up, leaving the majority of your friends and yourself happy. Soon enough, Thomas invited you to move into the Hype House and you did. You and Vinnie got back to talking frequently and he one day asked you to lunch which you agreed to. You decided to give him a second chance and soon enough he asked you to be his girlfriend. Everyone had been talking about your relationship, approving of your love. The fans were mostly happy, some of them were mad that Vinnie found a new girlfriend, but for the most part, everyone was supportive.

Four weeks later, here you were, all sitting in the backyard waiting for the show to start. Your roommates had decided to surprise you with a nice diner, and they had set up an outdoor projection screen for the release of your debut single. Vinnie had his arms wrapped around you as the both of you sat down on a huge bean bag next to the others. You were all laughing and talking when the voice of the presenter got your attention.

“She’s been getting more and more popular over the past two years and fans had been waiting for her to drop her own music. From singing covers of her favorite songs on the internet to now coming out with her own song, this artist is destinate to a great career. We had the pleasure of getting the exclusivity of her debut single and videoclip, here is Déjà vu by (Y/F/N)”

The screen changed quickly, your face appearing as you licked some ice cream in a convertible. You had told Vinnie about the song a few weeks prior since it was about him. You could feel his arm tightened around you as he kissed your temple

“I’m so proud of you baby” he whispered so only you could hear. You smiled feeling the tears well up in your eyes, realizing how far you’ve come. It wasn’t always easy, but you were doing what you loved with the people who you cherished most. Once the videoclip ended, everyone was clapping making you laugh slightly as tears poured out your eyes.

“OMG! This song is so good (Y/N)” Kouvr said smiling widely as you turned towards her, seeing Alex filming.

“It is, and the video is great” Thomas continued

“Thank you, guys! You’re too kind, you’ve been supporting me from the beginning, and I couldn’t thank you enough for that” you said wiping your tears, looking at them.

“I could never do what you do, you’re so creative, where do you get all your inspiration from? Like for this song, I didn’t know you had all these emotions built up” Mia said, questioning you. You felt yourself tense up as Vinnie rubbed your arms softly.

“It was from an old relationship, all is good now” you shrugged, trying to avoid the question

“Well, this guy seems like he made a big mistake, who would do this to you?” Michael said trying to light up the mood

“Actually, it was me” Vinnie spoke as everyone looked at him with big eyes, including you.

“I’m sorry. What?” Kouvr was the first one to speak

“I was a dick to her two years ago, and I know I broke her hearth. I still regret it to this day and I’m sorry about everything” Vinnie stated now looking at you deeply

“I decided to forgive you and give you another chance and look where that has gotten us. I was scared at first, because of what had happened, but you proved me wrong. You showed me that you’ve changed and that you weren’t that guy anymore. You make me feel so special and I feel so lucky to have you”

“I love you baby, and I’m so proud of you” he said before kissing you tenderly, his tongue finding your bottom lip, making you smile slightly against his mouth

“Okay guys, get a room” Alex said, pushing Vinnie slightly

“We’ll gladly do that” he stood up, offering you his hand to help you do the same

“Stop” you said swatting his chest softly, laughing “Thank you guys so much for this perfect evening, I couldn’t wish for better friends”

“We love you (Y/N)” Mia said bringing you into a tight hug “And you” she said pointing at your boyfriend “If you break her hearth, I’ll have to kill you”

“Don’t worry, I won’t make this mistake a second time”

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Thanks for reading

Hope you liked it, let me know what you think

-K

[that-one-weeb-but-starwars]

My Love| Echo (part 6 beejesus...)

Notes: this ones short my bad, also this way shock you. I also have a strong urge to make hondo show up perhaps in the Future

Warnings: sad flashbacks, death and disease mentioned, cannablistic mentions (not eating anyone but like the word), cursing,

Reader: Male

Part: 1 | 2 | 3 | 3.5 | 4 | 5 | 6 (you're hah here)

Masterlist

That wasn't possible.

"What a shame." Maul spoke, turning himself around and walking away the Pyke leader following him.

This was wrong.

"If we came for this it better be important." Hunter spoke snatching the drive, "we leave now,"

"Me and Jacob they'll return you to your ship." The teen spoke up, "but be quick we'll need to leave with the transports."

It was a silent stealthy journey back to the ship, Echo being pushed along the way by Wrecker mostly as he was trying to process what was being told to him.

So...Y/n was dead? No that was possible- they couldn't of killed everyone.

He walked onto the ship the twins wishing them luck as they rushed back off into the darkness. He took a seat on his bunk, removing the head gear and mask, his gaze trapped within the grain of the metal.

"Tech get us out of here." Hunter demanded.

Wrecker watched Echo, his brows furrowed and in conflict.

"Hey. Kid." Wrecker spoke nudging Omega softly, "Good job out there."

"I just stuck to the plan." She smiled.

"Wanna do one more mission?" He asked playfully she nodded happily.

"Go find Lula. I think someone needs her." Wrecker spoke as Omega nodded rushing to find the Tooka doll.

Wrecker walked over to Echo, sitting across from the reg, Echo kept his gaze down.

"Hey."

"I don't, I don't understand." Echo responded, "I- I don't..."

"It's okay-" Wrecker tried to speak.

"But it isnt." Echo seethed.

The sudden jolt told them they had jumped to hyperspace. Echo rubbed over his eyes.

"What was Y/n's family doing associated with the Empire..." Echo spoke, "I...I don't..."

Wrecker frowned, Hunter watching the cockpits doorway, his brother lost and confused, let down and heart broken.

Walking into the cockpit the door closed behind him.

"You'll want to see this Hunter." Tech spoke, "Echo was right."

Hunter took a seat, "Y/n's code name is Rosyln then?"

"In a sense yes, yet It is many things." Tech informed, "It's multiple things, a name, a code name, a secret military operation."

" a what." Hunter demanded answers now.

"On this disk it says Project Rosyln was ment to help in implicating...hunger in a sense.."

"Hunger?" Hunter asked, "Hunger for what?"

"Flesh, sentinel flesh," Tech responded, "They had many failis dead on contacts, until. Rosyln."

"The dead brother of Y/n's Echo mention." Hunter spoke as Tech nodded.

"He survived it, partially, resulting in an outdated inner rim disease known as Cancer." Tech responded, "though it is not sepcified what type, he died young."

"So how does Y/n fit into it?"

"Rosyln was Y/n's younger brother by adoption law on corosaunt, and the Zabrack was not lying when he said The L/n family was ontop the imperals kill list, it was ment for them to go into hiding, to essentially metophorically and phsycially slip into the dark." Tech contuined.

"Okay so the kids?"

"Test subjects." He responded, "farm animals, future death troopers fueled by anger and loss, much more. Hunter, They weren't a family, those people they called there parents? Used them."

"Can we save any of them? Y/n? The older kids? The young ones? Anyone?" Hunter questioned.

"This here is a list of kids of Y/n's family," Tech spoke, plugging into the panel infront of him as the hologram formed, "red are dead, there eay of leaving is by there name. Jay here died of rejection of food, he starved to death. Siora drowned herself in the shower room-"

"Thats enough Tech. Who's alive." Hunter demanded.

"Y/n here is still alive, but that is all." Tech responded opening the file, "but has a number of unstablizing test ran on him, it shows here his diet was starting to change from normal foods to sential flesh, but before they could change him fully he escaped."

"How."

"Unknown."

Hunter was silent, for a moment as Tech closed the file, going through the others, "This also contains other information, such as helpful codes the imperals are now using, current inflation in imperal troopers, comn chatter and resources-"

"Don't let Echo see this." Hunter spoke.

"Hunter, I. I don't think this is a good idea." Tech told him, "You'e seen what he'll go through already to see him again. Hunter that was a sith he went up on, a Pyke leader."

"He doesn't need another thing to have a mental break down on. What happens if we find Y/n? Dead in a ditch-." Hunter argued, "if we can't fix him- we can't even help Crosshair None the less ourselves!"

"Hunter, he deserves to know." Tech defended, "let's be real here Hunter, we've nevee been there for him, we saved him from one hell to put into another, we can't help him because we don't understand him."

Hunter was silent, he knew Tech was right, "You're right." Hunter told him.

Tech pulled the disk from the panel looking back at Hunter, "Hunter I know this is hard. But this is his family. And I wish for a time in my life, I was wrong."

Hunter stayed silent walking out the cockpit, and down the small hallways, Omega trying to cheer Echo up with Lula and Wrecker with a supportive smile.

"Echo."

Echo looked back, "Tech wants to uh...show you something."

Echo got up without a word walking into the cockpit.

"Is he gonna be okay?" Omega questioned looking up at Hunter.

"Sure he will!" Wrecker tried to stay postive looking back at Hunter who kept his gaze down.

"Not this time Omega." Hunter told her, as she leaned in for a hug, he patting her head as she hug his stomach.

Tech walked out the cockpit, the doors closing behind him, "Echo wishes to take first watch while we rest," Tech informed.

"Where do we go next from here?" Omega spoke looking up at Hunter.

"We'll keep working jobs for Cid, seeing what we can do." Hunter responded, "Tech when Echo is done with that disk, see if anything on there has Crosshair on it."

"I have alredy copied the disk, I will look through it more on my watch after Echo's." Tech responded.

Hunter nodded

"hey kid." Wrecker spoke up, "lets go play a game together."

Omega nodded as Wrecker picked up Omega the two walking away to her room, Hunter mentally thanking Wrecker.

"How'd he react." Hunter responded.

"He hasn't." Tech responded, "I left it plugged in. He has the option. I just don't know if he's used it."

It was true, Echo had the option, the wanting, but he sat in his chair, staring at the disk sitting in the panel.

This was it.

This was the ticket, he could know, move on, grt some type of closure either Y/n was dead or alive. Even if Y/n was dead or alive he let Y/n's biggest secret slip.

'Just...I don't like people to pity his name.' Y/n told Echo, the two standing in all black together and umbrella over head as they walked the cemetery, 'he fought hard, that's all that matters, and there's no reason you should pity someone for when you loose,'

Echo nodded at him, 'I won't tell anybody, I understand to a degree, but if you need to talk, I want to listen,'

Y/n nodded, 'Thanks again for comin along Echo, not the best way to meet my baby brother,''

'I was glad to meet him, either way,'

Echo rubbed the back of his neck, finger's scratching at his nape. Standing up and walking over his hand hovered over the disk, should he pull it out? Should he press that small white button to let every fear he's had consume him?

He pulled the disk out, this was the right choice. Whatever he needed to know. He'd learn from y/n when he'd see him. Rubbing over the disk he slid it in his belts pouch and sat in the piolts seat looking out into the blue swirls. He was doing it again.

Sitting in silence, watching nothing new pass him by. Y/n was alive, if the others believed it or not was there choice, it was there opinion, he knew what he was saying was a fact, and he didn't need no disk to tell him so.

But the question still remained, Why was Y/n involved in crime syndicates and with Sith?"

The male turned himself around shoulder hair length, strings of white in his hair; stress induced.

"It's done." Lom Pyke spoke, "The kids are out, where is the spice."

"It's on the ship don't you worry." He spoke.

"You've returned the favor after I've said you returned the favor."

"Then we've returned the favor." Lom Pyke argued.

"I did everything you asked!" Lom Pyke argued, "I've stuck my neck out for you more than you can imagine you cannablistic bitch!-"

The pyke leader was cut off, lifted into the air as he gripped at his neck, and brought forward quickly, choking on the lack of air.

"Do you know who I am?" The man questioned quietly.

"L-let-" the pyke tried to speak stratching at his neck for breath, "let me g-go!"

"Oh...you don't?" The man questioned, "I was afraid once...not to long ago, afraid as you are now..."

The sound of choking made him pause adding slight pressure, "p-please!"

"I am no longer afraid...I am..." the man thought, any more and the pyke leader would die, "Well, funny thing is, I don't even know who I am anymore...but I do know, that, you, owe me much more than you think."

The man was dropped to the floor, attempting to catch air, "Perhaps, you wish, once to see who I was, to see how I became this thing you call a cannablistic bitch!"

"Please! No-" He defended, raising his head to look up in plead, "Not again! Not that place!"

A hand was placed on his head, as the Sith lord walked in. Within a matter of seconds the Pyke fell limp, the man pushing him over as he fell and rolled down the small stells of the elevated ledge.

"You're here for a reason Maul?"

"I am indeed, that clone, you told to meet us on Zut, there were clones."

"Entertain me Maul." He spoke, walking down the small steps, the hells of his boots clicking as he made it down the steps.

"Seems you're little buddy Captain dipshit isnt the only clone that's defected. That little Ray shit of your's hacked the imperal files." Maul spoke, his tone as usual, dark, broody, annoying to the mans ears, "Clone force 99, may just be on our side."

The man snatched the datapad from him, "and they have a child with them. How wonderful."

"Status' as of current."

"Like I said that dipshit of yours sursingly has his corners covered. Ray's tracking them as we speak." Maul told.

The man looked through the photo's there he was in all his glory, sure angry but just as remembered.

"Lets hope an ex sith lord, a fucked up group of clones, a cannablistic bitch kill, and some kids can help kill your old ass wrinkly master." The man spoke Maul snatching the data pad back and making his leave.

"Oh. And one know's who you are." Maul responded standing in the door way, "Before I gave them anything, one knew Rosyln is Y/n,"

[unpopularly-opinionated]

I don’t play WoW but I used to play Overwatch and Diablo and this touches on just the general issues that are inside of Activision Blizzard right now regarding the major decline of World of Warcraft and how they’re losing to Final Fantasy XIV, how if the latest WoW expansion or Overwatch 2 flop as they’re projected to do then Blizzard’s most definitely going to pivot almost entirely to mobile games, and how the differences in age demographics are actually dividing the company into multiple camps.

It’s important to note two things: 1) this could be fake but also 2) the link came from Grummz, a former team lead on WoW and producer on Diablo II and Starcraft. It still could be fake despite this, but if he’s sharing it then I feel like there’s at least some measure of truth in this.

Transcription below in case this gets deleted and/or you don’t wanna click the link. Warning, it’s fairly long.

“I’m dropping this here after getting chewed out for three hours over shit the chewee did at work so fuck it. Assume larp and let me vent.”

>Shadowlands is a shitshow. Critical response, Player drop off and just about every engagement metric outside of cash shop have been catastrophic. No higher up expected this because of their “we are too big to fail, if we built it they will come” mentality. They refuse to accept their focus on the world being a begrudged mechanic to funnel players to raiding is not appealing to the player base at large because it appeals to them. They have spent the last 4 months trying to course correct but there is no solid direction and the response to 9.1 has only made things worse.

>Sylvanas is planned to replace the Arbiter despite so many people in the company and god knows how many online saying this would be a total replication of Kerrigans storyline in Starcraft 2 that killed none competitive interest in the brand entirely and you can only go “no, no they WILL like it eventually” for so many real world years before its time to change course. Thus far that has not happened.

>The elephant in the room is FFXIV. To the people in charge they are acting like this came out of nowhere and don’t even seem to understand why its drawing players away in their tens of thousands. We have all tried to highlight things it is doing that are clearly appealing to an mmo audience and not, in my opinion, focussing more on mobile game style retention traps to keep MAU users and habit forming personalities logging in. Its not that they don’t care. They just seem so pig headed and digging their heels in with their fingers in their ears thinking all the problems will go away because WoW is “too big to fail”, there will never be real competition and “they will keep coming back”. But they aren’t coming back anymore. Not in the numbers they used to.

>The people making the spending choices know this. The new model for WoW is market the hell out of a expansion pack for a huge quarter then use 6 month lock ins to pad numbers for the quarters after that. Even if corona had not happened 9.1 still would have been dropping after the initial 6 month subs expired to “keep the chain holding”.

>The mood in the company is tense but also very much “its just a rough transition period”. Activision has been pushing hard for Blizzard to release more regular product and to generate more income per user. As far as i know this is going to be a transition over the next 5 years to a much larger mobile/tablet gaming focus. By all accounts not just WoW but Overwatch was intended to be the moneymaker in the interim but once again someone had the bright idea to kill a game casual players loved on the alter of e-sports hoping for another Brood War. From what i hear the “told you so’s” were loud and a lot of people walked beyond Kaplan.

>The sentiment that was shared quietly in private but being spoken more often is simply that the leadership at Blizzard are not bad people, nor incompetent people but people who had to fill seats left when the old guard jumped ship wether they were suited for it or not. Brack is a genuinely good man out of his depth, Ion is a fantastic raid designer put in charge of designing a virtual world he has no interest or real ideas for and so on. They have been taking form the roles they excel at to be put in positions where they get to do far less of that purely because there is nobody left with the experience to do so and the trickle down is a lack of concrete direction, ambition and focus.

>2021 has seen the playerbase, media and gaming at large “turn” on WoW to a degree i don’t think the leads in their “positivity dojo” bubble considered possible. Its gone from people going “This is how Blizz needs to fix WoW!” to “WoW is no longer salvageable, time for greener pastures” and i think on some level this was never considered as a possibility so there have never been any major plans beyond the usual “try and minimise player drop off by arranging releases around competitors launching updates/products”. The official forums being filled with talk of FFXIV and worse “why do we actually pay a sub?” hasn’t helped.

>There have been some testing the waters lately from certain higher ups if we can remove the line “No King Rules Forever”. Read into that what you will.

>There are still arguments going on about the Kael’thas Voice actor shitshow. I don’t know much about it but i know its heated, wouldn’t be the first time a knee jerk reaction only seemed to generate bad press. We lost a noticeable amount of pvp engagement after the Swifty thing.

>The Preach interview was treated as a disaster and there was talk of more strongly vetting interviewers for “bad actors” and only engaging with a list of questions Blizzard provides. Some pointed out that could just be used to create some form of Fireside Chat akin to the FFXIV “Live letters” but that fell on deaf ears.

>The two sentiments right now among the team are either “we really need a win” or “theres a dedicated cabal of internet trolls out to kill WoW”. Right now we are crunching hard to get 9.2 ready to wrap up the jailors storyline so we can get an expansion out early 2022. If that doesn’t happen there are talks of major shakeups coming down from Activision that have been threatened for a few  years now. Its an all hands on deck feeling thats been around to some degree since the “Is this an out of season April Fools Joke” Blizzcon. A make or break deadline is coming closer and things like Diablo 4 were not planned before then. Blizzard needs a significant win not just in initial profit but consumer goodwill. Nobody likes working at what the public now seems to see as “the bad guy” of the mmo industry.

>This has also made new hires decline. Not significantly but the “you WANT Blizzard on your resume” line doesn’t seem to have the appeal it used to. This has lead to more hiring via friend of a friend, to some rumblings about nepotism, and people severely lacking in experience “because they get great twitter optics”.

>On the topic of Twitter we are not being told to “disengage” from it. Multiple employees like Nervig and Holisky publicly attacking paying customers because they got too heated and couldn’t keep quiet is bad press that could have been avoided. A email reminder has gone around more than once lately stating “if you are not customer relations you should not be representing the company to customers, especially if you cannot remain professional”.

>Lastly the biggest elephant in the room is “yo’ boy” Asmongold. The newer hires cannot stand him. They have used terms like “toxic masculinity” and “dogwhistles to dangerous males” while some of the oldest crowd still remaining have called him “based” or “telling it like it is” which has lead to friction to put it mildly. People are told not to talk about him and the recent FFXIV stuff only made it all worse. The idea that an outside element can have such an effect on the product genuinely upsets people. Like Zach is engaging in some malicious act of cyberwarfare. Many of us have point out the now famous quotes by Naoki Yoshida about understanding that players will drift and we need to make something worth coming back to because they want to but some people for lack of a better word see out customers -or “consumers” as they refer to them nowadays- as some kind of antagonistic relationship where the goal is not being an entertainer putting on a show for a crowd but some kind of game hunter trying to trap a large, profitable kill. I wish i could blame Activision but this is a sentiment from more of the younger crowd than the “tech boomers”. Which personal opinion is probably why so many folks like Metzen and Morheim left.

>Before you ask, yes the topic of “wokeness” has shown up in group talks. Its not all some grand sjw conspiracy, people really do want to feel welcome and represented. However the “we need everything veto’ed by people not working on it to see if its inoffensive and bland enough” rubs some of us the wrong way. Like anything in life you can take something too far and lose sight of the core ideals and with everything gone on since Blitzchung it feels like people are forming little factions to pull people in different directions to decide “What Blizzards identity is now” and how to appeal to new players. There has been some drop offs with “go woke go broke” as the only answer in the survey when unsubbing but honestly we are losing subs in unforseen numbers anyway and still making more money than ever through cash shop “heavy users” so it honestly doesn’t make an impact.

>All in all things are rough right now. Blizzard doesn’t have the love of the customers anymore, is no longer treated as an industry giant and while D4,D2R and Immortal aren’t going to kill Diablo even if they fail the sentiment for World of Warcraft and Overwatch 2 are a lot more tense and stressful. The phrase “it might be good to brush up on your mobile development portfolio if we get another underperformer” has been doing the rounds a lot. If Shadowlands continues its stark decline and Overwatch 2 is looking to underperform like its current projections suggest i think the Blizzard of a few years from now will be imitating King a lot more than trying to learn any lessons from Square Enix’s mmo division.

[sw124]

MLC: Josie and Viper

[Symbiote Boyfriend]

She hadn’t moved all day, she barely ate anything all week, she didn’t speak to anyone for almost a month; her phone muted. She tossed and turned on her couch from time to time but mostly to keep a cramp in her leg at bay. The only time she moved from the couch was to use the restroom, if it wasn’t for Viper she probably would have trouble even moving a single finger.

“Babe, honey you need to eat.”

Josie tilted her head towards the voice, no one was in the room. Her stomach complied with the tone, it growled like a ticked off bear. With a heavy sigh she walked into the kitchen, she went to the fridge and pulled out a gallon of milk. From her back a large ocean-black tendril extended and pulled out a box of cereal and a large bowl. Josie picked up two spoons and went back to the couch, once the cereal was made the tendril picked up the remote and turned on the TV; from her shoulder a larger mass formed a head and turned to her. Large milky eyes curved upwards before leaning and gently placing a soft kiss on her cheek.

“….Thanks sweetie…….sorry about all this-“ she was silenced with a smaller tendril touching her lips.

“Babe you got nothing to be sorry about, come on lets watch some dumbass commercials and classic cartoons. We’ll deal with what happened later…ok?”

Viper nearly melted seeing her smile, he could feel that little spark of joy in her…but then get smothered by guilt again…he had to help her but problem was how.

After the seventh spoonful of chocolate cereal came a rather interesting commercial. It was an ad for the Meta Clinic and…Monster/Human couples therapy? This made the couple pause, this was…well this was new! Sure there were dating sites, clubs, cafes and speed dating for people looking for monster boy/girlfriends but now offering couples therapy?

Viper wanted so badly to grab the phone and call for an appointment but…he didn’t wanna force Josie into something like that. He’d be doing more damage then good…he’d start by talking about it.

[Two weeks later]

“Viper and Josie?” The secretary called out. Josie looked up from her phone and stood up.

“Thats us…” Viper extended his head from her back giving a nod.

“Dr. Fortune will see you now, please head back down the hall to room 7 please.”

With a nervous smile she proceeded down the hall, Vipers head gently tucked beside her..whispering soothing nonsense. This was enough to at least quell the rising panic in her chest, finally they came to a door with the number 7 on it. With a hard gulp Josie pushed opened the door…

The room was massive! It almost looked like the lobby of a hotel, hell it even had a pool in the corner of the room and a tank! The room was painted in shades of two-toned moss, the air smelled of perpetual rainfall…and lemon. It was there but didn’t overpower…the temperature was perfect.

In the center of the room were two chairs, a large love-seat sofa and a dark grey armchair. Between them was a white round table with a pitcher of water and three glasses. In the grey armchair….was the doctor they came to see.

“Ah, you must be Josie and Viper. Please come in, have a seat.”

She hesitated but…Josie complied, the love-seat felt like if jelly and clouds got married and had a baby. It was so soft and cool to the touch, best part she didn’t sink it like some other chairs. Viper loved the feeling, hell he could just imagine cuddling up with his girl on this couch watching old sci-fi movies.

“Lets get started, first can you tell me how you met an how long have you two been together?”

Josie paused…then spoke. “Well…Viper an I met via collage..we had the same class, we got paired up and it sorta started from there. We’ve been together for about…two years now.”

“What kind of class were you in?”

“It was a philosophy class, I took it cause I was curious on what made philosophy so damn interesting.” Said Viper.

“I personally took it cause I’ve loved things that sorta question the norm of society. Our project was to listen to one of the stories of Plato, we got ‘The allegory of the cave’ and write our thoughts on the meaning and reasons behind it….those were some of the best nights I ever had.”

Josie never noticed the subtle blush on her cheeks, but that smile she had told the Doctor everything they needed to know, even Viper couldn’t hide his smile.

“You and Viper have a very close relationship I can tell…however the reason why you’re here is not really about the two of you. Its the people around you, mainly family.”

You could almost make out Josie’s heart in her throat, Viper; if he had one, would have been in his as well. Dr.Fortune took a sip of water and…with a sniper-gaze they fixed on Josies eyes.

“I’m going to take a guess, stop me at any time. The problem isn’t with either of you two but from Josie’s family.”

Josie began to chew on her thumbnail, Viper was quick to pull it away as the Doctor continued.

“Your parents I will take are very strict people, perhaps even falling in line with deep religious practices but yet despite saying their ‘devout’ they continue to say and do things that go against the basic principles of their religion. Growing up they saw you as either property or a tool to get what they wanted. If you ever raised your voice in defense of yourself…you were either met with Verbal or Physical violence…”

The Doctor paused, fat tears were cascading down Josie’s face. Her breathing was labor, almost choking on some of her deeper breaths. Viper already had his tendrils wrapping around her in a tight embrace, gently whispering into her ear.

[Klink!]

Josie jumped, looking down she found one of the glasses had been filled with water…with a lemon slice in it. She looked up at the Doctor who was pouring a glass for themself.

“Take a sip, it’ll help.”

She…did feel a little parched, Viper handed her the glass, she took a few small gulps. Blinking she looked into the glass…the water tasted sweet, with the lemon slice it almost had the taste of lemonade but without the sharp zing. She noted how the water almost was coating her throat, soothing the burn forming.

“Like it? Its something I made myself for my patients, I boil distilled water and honey together an let it sit overnight in the fridge then add lemon slices to it. The honey and lemon help soothe your throat while the cold water rehydrates you.”

“Its…really good.” Josie smiled taking another sip. “Everything you said…was right, even the religion part. My parents always treated me like I was some show pony at every gathering, they never listened to me an always thought my problems were just…not worth their time.” Josie rubbed a tear away.

Viper remained quiet but nodded when she was done speaking, Dr. Fortune turned to Viper then.

“An the first meeting with her parents they referred to you as a ‘parasite’ and even went so far as to disown Josie from her own family if she didn’t breakup with you.”

Vipers eyes went wide for a moment before slowly closing…his lips curling back, showing off his razor teeth.

He hissed. “Yes, the moment she finished telling them they started calling her all sorts of nasty things and…even went so far as to say they picked out a husband for her to marry. To be honest I actually knew the guy and he…he’s rich but also a huge dick, he was the biggest bully at my high-school back in the day. When Josie refused…they disowned her and kicked us out on the streets…this was around a month ago…”

Dr.Fortune set their glass down, leaned back in the gray chair with their elbows resting on the armrests…fingers pushed together in a pyramid fashion.

“An since then Josie has received texts and phone calls demanding she breakup with you and marry this ‘dick’ all for the sake of money. I’ve seen this before and its a classic case of narcissism but also a show of parental neglect and abuse.” Doctor Fortuned leaned forward, their gaze turning sharp.

“Josie….for starters you are not the problem, your parents are stuck in a mindset that is outdated and unacceptable. You are not to blame for their disappointment, no you never were. Your parents refused to change their ways and therefore are stuck in the past. However that doesn’t mean you have to, in order to help yourself you need to first cut ties with the ‘parasite’ that is your family. Go completely no contact with them, then once thats done I want you to focus on your relationship with Viper.”

Josie blinked, eyes widening. Cut ties with her family?! How could she do that, this was her family!

“Yes I’m aware your not keen on the idea but…let me ask you something. When has your family ever done anything for ‘you’ out of love an ask for nothing in return?” Josie opened her mouth but….nothing came out…she looked through all her memories…but couldn’t find anything.

“Now…I want you to think about what Viper has done for you, who do you think is more deserving of your time an energy? A family that wants you to marry a jerk for money or the symbiote who from the moment he met you has treated you like the human you are?”

Josie sniffled….they were right, ever since they met; Viper had shown her nothing but compassion, patients and love. Sometimes she felt so guilty about putting him through her crap but…he never complained about it. She rubbed her eyes again, it was time to stop waistline her hard earned time and effort on people who didn’t love her! It was time she spent her energy on Viper and school!

Doctor Fortune smiled, the match was struck and the fire was starting to burn. Now it was time to slowly stoke the coals and make sure they never went cold.

“Your right Doctor….I need to stop waiting my time with those people…I’m thankful they gave birth to me but thats no reason to hold it over my head. I’m…I’m done with them!” Josie slapped her knee, it…it felt really good to say that.

Viper could feel the adrenaline pumping in her, yes there it was, the spunky spitfire he fell for was back an with a vengeance!

“Thats good to hear, but thats just the first step in your road to recovery. I want you to take this a step at a time, in time you may learn to ‘forgive’ your family but don’t you ever, EVER forget what they’ve done to you. If you forget then your just gonna end up falling into their grasp again. On another note as a way to help you cope and give you a extra bit of therapy I suggest taking up a type of hobby. Hobbies can help you gain a sense of control over your life.”

The Doctor paused and looked down at their watch. “Oh, it seems we’re just about done with our session. If you’d like to set up another appointment please see the secretary up at the front desk, before you go is there anything you’d like to ask me?”

Viper looked at Josie, she looked right back at him before turning to the Doctor.

“What kind of hobby should I get?”

Doctor Fortune handed them a small brochure. “Try flipping through this and see if any catch your fancy, my suggestion is find a hobby you two can do together or by yourself; its really all up to you an there are no wrong choices.”

An with that…Josie and Viper left, scheduling another appointment two weeks in advance. As they walk outside Josie looked through the brochure, there were so many hobbies to choose from..

At least she and Viper can choose together.

[I plan to do more couples, I did a Symbiote/human couple to start cause everyone is familiar on what they look like thanks to Venom. I’ll be working on more monster like boyfriends in the future. I hope you like this, I’ll be doing more of this in the future including Yandere couples. This was inspired by @semisolidmind artwork, I also wanna thank @sarabat85 for helping me out as well. My next couple will hopefully be posted very soon and was put together by my closest and dearest friend @eomlotanis who has always helped me with story ideas and character development.]

[harrywritingsbyme]

Pushing Buttons

Loosely Based Off Of This Ask

And This One

A/N: I’d Like to dedicate this to the ICONIC Watermelon Sugar music video🍉🍉 Also, the ending sucks yet again... Enjoy 🙃

Almost 6.8k words

This new era in Harrys music was becoming very frustrating for you. It wasn’t the music, it was the music videos. Most people would be a bit jealous of the fact that Harry had written a few songs about his ex. And sure it stung a little in the beginning, but once you took a step back and realized that it was before you and that it was his experience, you were completely over it. Plus the fact that he wrote a couple songs about you made it sting a lot less. The music videos though, those were a completely different story. You hated the idea of other people getting up close and personal with your boyfriend.

A prime example would be the Lights Up music video. There was no doubt about the fact that he looked really good (like, really good) in that video. You just hated the fact that everyone around him got to not only see how good he looked, but they got to feel him up too. Normally you wouldn’t get jealous but after being on set of that video for the entire day, you were jealous. And you did let Harry know. You decided to wait until the next day to bring it up because you knew how happy he was with everything, and you didn’t want to ruin his excitement for this new era in his music career. When the two of you were in a completely relaxed setting, you gently brung it up and you told him how you felt. 

The way he responded to your feelings made you feel a little silly for the way you were reacting to all of this. As soon as you told Harry that you were feeling a little jealous, he immediately pulled you into him, letting you know that he completely understood how you felt, and that you had nothing to worry about because he was all yours. Despite how utterly adorable he thought you looked when telling him how you felt, he couldn’t help his cock from hardening in his pants. The fact that you didn’t like anyone besides you touching him was beyond sexy to Harry. He didn’t like to see you upset, but it was just something about your possessiveness over him that could turn him on in an instant. Your voice and words were sweet and understanding, but the underlying message of what you were saying was anything but sweet. He couldn’t wrap his head around it, but it was something about that underlying seriousness in that moment that just captivated him. It made him want to show you just how much he was yours. Which is exactly what he did. For the rest of the day until it was time to check out of the hotel, Harry used his mouth, fingers, and cock in ways that were completely unimaginable to the both of you. He wanted to make sure you knew that he was all yours. 

That was only the first thing Harry did to make it up to you though. The next thing he did was something you would have never expected. A few months later, Harry and his team began planning and brainstorming for his final music video for the album. This video just so happened to be for Watermelon Sugar. The song that not only sent shockwaves through not only his fanbase, but through you as well. When you first heard the song, you really liked it. But once he explained the song to you, which was very in depth by the way, you found out that it was not only about you, but how sweet you were. You couldn’t believe that he practically wrote a song about eating you out. That is until you remembered that it was Harry you were talking about. You knew how much he loved having his head nestled between your legs, but writing a song about it was next level. The only thing that could top the song, would be the video for it. Harry didn’t give you many details about the said video. All he told you was that the overall premise of the video was beautiful people on the beach. Which raised many questions in your head. But the fact that Harry wanted you to be in the video was far more questionable. When he told you this, you quickly dropped the final steps of your night routine to immediately address this newfound information.

“What do you mean I’m gonna be in the video?” You try to hold back your laughter, but you couldn’t help it. 

“What’s so funny?” Harry didn’t think anything he said warranted a laughing response. He wasn’t joking when he said that he wanted you in the video. He thought you’d be perfect fit for what he and his team came up with. Plus, you had to be in the video for at least one of the songs that were written about you. It all made perfect sense to him. “I want you to be in the video, simple as that.”

“But why though.” You ask again, trying to make sense of it all. You pull back the covers on your side of the bed before sliding in next to Harry. He closes his book and places it on the bedside table before moving in closer to you.

“I told you that the whole idea of it is beautiful people on the beach, right?” He asks. 

“Mhm”

“And you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. So, it only makes sense for you to be front and center.” He explains to you. 

“It’s amazing how you can say the cheesiest things and make my heart melt at the same time.” 

“Y/n, I’m being serious. I don’t understand why me wanting you to be apart of this is so crazy. If it makes you uncomfortable then I completely understand and if you don’t want to be in the video that’s fine too.” Harry explains further. 

“No, it’s not that. It’s just that being in your music video is a really big part of your work, and I just don’t want to be a distraction or in your way at all.” You calmly explain to him, pushing your fingers through his hair in the process. 

“That’s the last thing you have to worry about. If m’being honest, I’ve done some of my best work when you’re around. And on top of that, I’d love to have my muse right by side.” He reassures.

“Then in that case, I am honored to be apart of this project with you. And I look forward to seeing what you and your team have put together.” You smile at him.

“I think you’re going to like it.” He says before sending you a quick wink. 

~ ~ ~

In the weeks leading up to the video shoot the two of you didn’t talk much, if at all about the video or what you were supposed to be doing. All you knew was beautiful people on the beach. That’s it. Harry left you completely in the dark about everything else. 

Then the long awaited day finally came.

The entire time leading up to the shoot, your stomach was churning. You had no idea what was in store, and you were feeling a combination of nervousness, and excitement for the day. For the entire drive to the beach, you were asking Harry little questions here and there to get some type of information as to what you guys were doing. And with Harry being Harry, you got zero information out of him. 

“I know what y’doing and m’not tellin’ yeh anything.” Harry chuckles at your prying. 

“I bet you gave a full rundown to all the models what they’re going to be doing in all of this.” You say simply. 

“Yes, my team did tell them what they’re going to be doing.” Harry replies.

“So why can’t you extend me the same curtesy Harry Styles.” You say in a serious tone, even though you were trying your hardest to suppress the smile that was creeping up onto your face. 

“It’s not like you’re gonna be makin’ out with anybody or in the nude. It’s gonna be fun, all you have to do is trust me. Can yeh do that?” Harry reasons with you. 

“Fine” you concede. For the rest of the ride to the filming location, you and Harry talked talked about a variety of things. The conversation ranged from Harry talking about his excitement for his upcoming tour, to you talking about possibly getting a puppy to keep you company while Harry was away. And Harry made sure to pay extra attention to everything you said, because he didn’t want to slip up and give you any information about the video. 

When you and Harry finally get to the beach, the both of you are pulled right into his trailer. As soon as you two hit the chairs, there’s someone already working on your hair and makeup while the director of the video is standing in front of you explaining what was going to be happening today. What you gathered from the brief conversation was that you were going to be touching on and feeding Harry, while being fun and flirty. You could do that, right?

“See Harry, thats all you had to say” you turn to Harry, who was currently getting his nails painted a bright orange color. 

“I know, I just wanted it to be a little surprise. Wanted you to naturally release your inner Watermelon Sugar.” He proclaims.

“Harry, do you want this to be on YouTube or pornhub? Because you’re sending me mixed messages right now.” As soon as you say this the entire room bursts into a fit of laughter. 

“Well-“ Harry begins before you quickly cut him off.

“Don’t you even finish that” you quickly interject. 

“Okay fine. But in all seriousness, you’ve got this, you’re gonna do great.” Harry affirms you. 

You sit in the chair a little while longer while the hair stylist and makeup artist finish up on you. Once you’re all done, you go off and change into your outfit and you couldn’t help but look over yourself at least 10 times. You loved the red printed outfit and the way it hugged your body perfectly. You could confidently bet your last dollar that Harry hand picked this for you. It was something about everything from the clothes to the accessories that just screamed you, and was too much your style for Harry to have not picked it out. You also noticed that, the print on your outfit perfectly matched the shade of red that was in one of his looks. You’re broken out of your thoughts when you hear a knock at the door. When you hear that it’s Harry, you quickly open the door for him. 

“Look at you!” Harry admires your figure. You do a little twirl in front of him, and he couldn’t help but give your ass a little tap. 

“Well I guess you should just get it all in, because once we get out there it’s all business. Sorry Styles.” You tell him in a serious tone.

“Not even a little squeeze?” He pouts, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you against him.

“No. And this is exactly what I was afraid of. I’m gonna be a distraction to you, when you need to be working.” You give him a light hearted glare while lightly poking at his chest.

“I promise that I’ll behave.” He pouts back at you. 

“Pinky promise?” You stick your pinky finger up towards Harry. 

“Pinky promise” He wraps his pinky finger around his, sealing his promise to remain professional during the shoot. 

“Your nails are cute” you admire the bright orange polish on his nails.

“Not as cute as you though” he cheekily replies to you.  

“M’gonna keep my eye on you today, because someone needs to keep you in line.” 

“Fine” he whines like a little kid. 

“Good boy” you pucker your lips up at him for a kiss.

“Look who’s being unprofessional now” he points out before pressing his lips onto yours. 

“I will have you know that it’s my job to kiss you”

“So does that mean everyone else can kiss me the way you just did?” Harry knew exactly what button he was pushing when he said this. 

“Nope, absolutely not. If there has to be any type of kisses, cheek kisses only.” You not so playfully request. 

“Someones getting jealous.” he teases. 

“M’not jealous! Would you like me to be?”

“I mean...it is pretty hot when you’re jealous.” He says truthfully. He pulls you tighter against his body, and his hands wander back down to your ass.

“Well, I’m not going to get jealous today, and as much as I’d like continue this, I have to get out there with everyone else.” You pout up at him. 

“Do y’have to? Because you could just stay here with me.” Harry tries to coax you into staying with him a little longer. “If y’want, I can close the door and we could have a quickie right now.” Harry proposes, making sure to quirk his eyebrows suggestively at you. Before you could tell him no again, the director comes into the trailer to let you know that they needed you out there with the other ladies.

“I’ll see you later.” you press a kiss to his lips before walking out of the bathroom and out of Harry’s trailer to the set. You quickly introduce yourself to everyone, but you just introduce yourself as Y/n, not Y/n who is also Harry’s girlfriend. All of the girls you met were really nice, so you had a strong feeling that it was going to be a really good day.

For the next couple of hours, the video shoot is well under way and everything was going great. As the time progressed, you became more relaxed and in your element. You were really getting into it, and you made sure that Harry knew that. You figured that Harry had told the camera crew to get more than a just couple shots of you. So, you decided to make the most out of it and put on a little show for the cameras. You could feel his eyes on you the entire time and you loved every second of  the attention he was giving you. Whenever the camera wasn’t pointed at him, Harry’s eyes were right on you. For almost any other guy in the world, the entire idea of being in the midst of beautiful women would have turned them on immensely. But for Harry, there was only one woman here that he had his sights on. And that was you. Seeing you completely in your element was really messing with him. At first, you were the jealous one, but seeing you welcoming the soft touches from the other girls was starting to get to him. Yes, it was beyond hot to see you like this, but he wanted to be the one touching you. The way you were basking in the sun made the urge for him to run his fingers across your warm and glistening skin grow tremendously. From time to time watched you eat the pieces of fruit, and he could see the juices dripping from the corner of your mouth. And every time he watched you, he just about lost it. Not to mention the fact that you’d simply look over at him and send him the most tantalizing, yet innocent smile in the book. It made him wonder if you were trying to turn him on and make him jealous. 

One of the main reasons why he wanted you here was because he knew how you were a little jealous when he was shooting the Lights Up video, and the last thing he wanted was for you to feel the same way about the video for a song that was all about you. But now, seeing how you were comfortable and completely in your element with everything, Harry decided to give it everything he had. If you could make him jealous, why couldn’t he do the same? Once the director got a couple shots of you and Harry, Harry went right into his plan. He began to lean into all of the touches he received, making sure he had a satisfied smile on his face whenever someone did touch or feed him.

You knew exactly what he was doing. He was trying to make you jealous. Sure you preferred if you were the only one touching Harry, but given the nature of the song and direction they wanted to go in, you were completely fine (at least you thought you were). You did your best to just ignore him, but it was getting harder and harder every time his eyes locked in on yours. You would be the biggest liar if you said that the whole situation with the video wasn’t hot, and that you weren’t a little jealous. The smile that was plastered on his face was the same smile he’d give you when it was just the two of you, and when he was doing what he’d written about in the song. He made sure to send it your way whenever he could, knowing you’d instantly pick up on its familiarity. Harry was doing his absolute best to make you tick, just like you did to him. He could see that he was pushing on the jealous button inside of you, and there was nothing you could do about it. 

At first, neither of you had the goal in mind of pushing each others buttons. But now, that’s all either of you were doing. You were trying to get one another riled up. And by the looks of it, the both of you were doing a pretty good job at it.

When one o’clock rolled around, the director called cut, and told everyone that there was going to be an hour lunch break before you all began filming the last scenes for the video. You were talking to two of the girls you’d met when Harry sneaks up on you from behind and lifts you up in his arms. 

“Harry what are you doing?! Put me down!” You thrash your legs around, trying to get out of his grip, but he only tightens his grip on you. 

“Never!”he playfully yells back. 

“Oh my gosh! Harry, is Y/n your girlfriend?” One of the girls asks you and Harry. When she asks this, Harry puts you back down against the warm sand, and he walks around to face you, bending his knees a little to look you dead in the eyes. 

“Why yes she is. I wonder why she didn’t tell you guys.” He says pointedly, exaggerating every last word. When he says this you couldn’t help but burst out into laughter at how overdramatic he was being. 

“I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want it to be weird! I didn’t want the vibe to be all tense and stuff. Maybe it’s just me, but I’d be on high alert if I was touching someones boyfriend right in front of them. I know it’s the job, but still.” You reply smartly. 

“That makes sense. I think I’d feel the same if I’m being completely honest. But you don’t give off a weird vibe when it comes to that at all.” When she agrees with you, you whip your head in Harry’s direction with ‘I was right’ written across your face. 

“Perhaps” Harry concedes, if that’s what you want to call it. He one hundred percent understood where you were coming from, he just couldn’t let you know that.

“Well I think that everyone can agree when I say that you two being in a relationship is completely unfair to the rest of us. It’s not fair for two extremely good looking people to be in a relationship.” She says, wagging her finger at you and Harry.

“We are pretty pretty good looking right?” He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you back into him.

“Perhaps” you tease him, biting back your smile. 

“Well were not going to hold you guys any longer. But it was really nice talking to you Y/n, and we’ll see you two back on set.” The girls say their goodbyes before heading over to the lunch area. Harry then picks you back up, and he runs you both back to his empty trailer.

“Can you please put me back down!?” you thrash around in his arms again, but he just wouldn’t budge. 

“Nope” he says simply, continuing to carry you back to his trailer. He places you back on the ground, and he ushers you up the small set of stairs into before locking the door and pinning you against it.

“Harry, what are you-“ before you could even finish, Harry’s lips are slammed against yours with his body flush against yours. You could feel his bulge pressing against you, and you couldn’t deny how much you were needing him too. The kiss was frenzied and your hands flew to anywhere they could. Your fingers were tangled in his hair and his hands were firmly planted on your hips. When he pulls away, you both feel the pent up need you both had just radiating off of one another, and you both could see it in each others eyes. “You have no idea what you were doing to me out there.” When Harry says this, you couldn’t help but smirk at him. 

“I think I knew exactly what I was going” you simply say, lightly tugging on his hair. You wanted to see just how far you could push.

“So you admit to pushing my buttons” he smirks back, pressing himself further against you.

“Only if you admit to pushing mine.” You bite back.

 “Then I guess we’ll never know.” He says calmly. 

“Oh, I think we already know.” You whisper back, with a big smirk plastered across your face.

“There are so many things I want t’do to your right now.” Harry says bluntly. “Only thing I’m not so sure about is whether or not you can take it.” He was trying to get you just as riled up as he was. During the entire shoot, he couldn’t stop thinking about completely ravishing you. This need came from not only how amazing you looked, but also out of a little bit of jealousy he had acquired. What Harry didn’t know though was that you were just as riled up as he was, and you needed to blow off some steam too.

“I can take whatever you give me” you reply slowly to him. Aside from being jealous at times, you also had a pressure point for what Harry said. He could hear how you were challenging him in your voice and he knew that he had you exactly where he wanted you.

“Well m’not gonna go easy on yeh.” He warns, pinning you tighter between his body and the door. 

“Try me. It’s not like you can go that hard anyway.” Since he was pressing your buttons, it was only fair that you pushed his.

Without saying another word, Harry connects his lips back with yours and the kiss is far more urgent than before. His hands were grabbing onto any part of you that he could. Your hands left his hair and you were now trying to undo his pants. Harry pulls his mouth off of yours and he tightens his grip around your throat. It was his way of establishing his control over you.

“Go take all this off and wait for me.” Harry instructs. He lets go of you throat before pulling you up from the door. On your wobbly legs, you make your way over to the small living area and you fall back against the couch. “Thought I told you to take it all off”

“I am, just give me a minuet.” You softly snap back at him. You stand up from the couch and you peel off the two piece bathing suit, leaving you completely naked in front of him. You sit back down on the couch, waiting for Harry to finish taking off his own clothes. “This carpet is really soft” you mumble to yourself, trying to preoccupy yourself while Harry was getting undressed. You couldn’t understand why he was wearing so many clothes. Yes it was still winter time, but you guys were still in California for goodness sakes. 

“Gonna let me fuck yeh against it?” Harry asks as he takes off his last piece of clothing.

“You wanna fuck me on the floor, how romantic” you reply sarcastically. 

“Look, I know us and if were going to end up there anyway, why not start there. Plus, I need all the space I can get for what m’gonna do to you.” You could hear the cockiness in his voice, and at that point you just wanted to slap that smirk off of his face so bad.

“I’ll be wherever you want me to be.” You decide to play into him having all of the control. Except for the part where you’re being completely sarcastic and doing everything you can to piss him off. You knew how much Harry hated when you didn’t listen to him, so you were going to use that to your advantage. Harry simply nods his head towards carpet and you move down from the couch. Once his clothes are finally off, he comes over to where you’re sitting and he sits back on his calves in front of you with his hard cock on full display. You move in closer to him and you cup his face in your hands before slotting your lips with his. The urgency is still there, but it’s much slower and filled with passion.

Harry’s lips smack against yours, as his hands fall against your hips, pulling your body closer to him. You follow his lead, moving your legs around so that you were in his lap. He turns you both around before lowering you both down against the soft carpet. As he continues to kiss you, his hands move up from your hips to take claim of your breasts. He can hear muffled the moans that were leaving your mouth, and he removes his mouth from yours. He then reattaches his lips to your neck, sucking the skin into his mouth as if his lips were still on yours, and he moves his mouth further down your body, sponging kisses down your neck and collarbone. When he makes it to your chest, he wraps his lips around one of your nipples and he sucks hard on the pebbled skin. You couldn’t keep the moans from falling from your lips, nor could you stop squirming underneath him. Having Harry’s mouth on you would never get old, feeling him sponge wet kisses across your skin was a feeling you couldn’t get enough of. Harry continues to leave a trail of kisses down your body, until he made it between your legs. You spread your legs wider for him and your hands go straight to his hair. He pushes his head right between your legs, pushing his tongue right into your folds. From that point on, the moans only got louder. His hands were pressed against the underside of your thighs, keeping your legs apart for him. He couldn’t help but moan at how good you tasted. His head was nestled between the fleshy part of your thighs, pushing his mouth against you as mush as possible. He was going so deep that his nose was practically digging into your clit. You could hear the wet sounds of his mouth smacking against your pussy. You lift your head up, and your eyes fall onto his. Even though you couldn’t see his mouth, you could see the glint of happiness in his eyes. Harry then pulls his mouth off of you and you can see the bottom half of his face glisten with your juices.

“Fuck” you sigh, before dropping your head back against the carpeted floor. 

“Y’so delicious.” Harry pants in excitement. Whenever he had his mouth on you, he always got a rush. The high he got from you was a high he always needed, it made him keep coming back for more. Harry lowers his head back down between your legs, and before he puts his mouth on you, he spits on your pussy. When you hear and feel him do this, all you could do was moan. What he did made you feel even filthier and you absolutely loved that feeling. Harry pushes two fingers into you, quickly thrusting them in and out of you before attaching his lips to your clit. He could hear your moans getting louder, so to quiet you down, he reaches his free hand up and wraps it around your throat. Your once loud moans are now silenced to a mere gasp and or whimper. He then pulls his mouth off of you and releases his grip from your throat before bringing himself back up to eye level with you. He brings his mouth back down to yours, letting you taste yourself on his tongue before rolling over so that you were on top of him. He moves his hand down to his cock, lining himself up with your wet entrance. When you feel the thick head nudging at your entrance, you begin to slowly sink down onto him. 

“Fuck” you gasp. Your head fell back and your mouth hung open at the way he stretched you out. You move your hips a little so that you could get adjusted to his size, and you could feel Harry’s hips lifting up into yours, pushing his cock deeper into you. So that you wouldn’t collapse on top of him, you plant your hands firmly on his chest for support while he snaps his hips up into yours. You kept your eyes focused on his as he fucked up into you. The sounds of his skin slapping against yours alone was enough to send you both into a complete frenzy. 

“Feel so fuckin’ good” Harry grits through his teeth, continuing to fuck you. When you start to move your hips against his again he stops fucking up into you and he lets you ride him. You lift yourself up, just to drop right back down against him. You continue like this until Harry wraps an arm around your lower back. He lifts himself up with you still in his lap and he pushes his lips back onto yours. His tongue darts right into your mouth, and you then begin to grind your hips back and forth in his lap. You and Harry continue to make out like until you pull away from his mouth. He leans in to give you one last kiss, but you move your face back, causing him to chase after your lips. You let out a small giggle at his attempts to lock his lips against yours, and you give him a quick peck. “Such a tease” he growls through his smile. You never failed to amaze him. Even when you were trying to tick him off and battle for dominance, you still found a way to bring out your playful and innocent side. Harry then lifts you up from his lap and sits you down next to him. “Lay on your side f’me” he instructs. 

You do as he says and he lays behind you so that you both were in the spooning position. Harry closes your legs and pushes them towards your front. He lifts himself up slightly from the floor, and wraps his hand around his shaft. He lines his cock back up with your weepy hole and he slowly pushes into you. 

“Just shove it inside me already” you whine.

“Stop bein’ a little brat” Harry snaps back, giving a quick slap to your ass. His hips then begin to slowly pick up speed.

“Go faster” you slur, lifting yourself up to look behind you. You go to reach behind you towards Harry, but he grabs  onto your wrist and he lightly pushes your upper body back down. He starts to move his hips again, and so do you. You try to push back against him, but he stops all together and pulls out of you. You sit back up and you look behind you to find Harry with his hand wrapped around his cock. “Can I have a kiss?” you mumble out, making sure to send a pout his way. Instead of responding, he leans in and gives you a quick kiss.

“Now will you stop movin’ around and just lay down?” He says to you. You decide to do what he tells you to do and you fall back down agains the soft carpet. He lifts himself up onto his knees and pushes your legs apart before straddling your thigh. “Y’need to start listenin’ t’me” Harry reprimands before pushing into you. “Oh my-fuck” Harry groans behind you. With you in this position, it was light your walls were even tighter around him. He pushes the rest of the way into you and he could hear your cries out to him at how good it felt. Hearing your moans fueled his fire, and made him thrust harder into you.

“Fuck daddy” you cry out to him. You couldn’t help it anymore. As much as you wanted to keep pushing, the way he was fucking you felt so good. So, you let him have all of the control

“That’s right baby” Harry growls, crashing his hips down into yours over and over again. He continues to thrust into you until the tight knot in his stomach becomes even tighter. Harry quickly pulls out of you before pushing at your back so that you were laying face down in front of him. He pulls your hips upwards and he positions himself behind you. He lines himself back up with your hole and you begin to push back against him. “There you go baby.” Harry pants, becoming entranced with the way your ass was moving against him. “Keep fuckin’ yourself baby, s’all yours” Harry continues to chant behind you. 

��S’mine” you slur out to him, continuing to push back against him.

“All yours” he says once more before gripping onto your ass and shoving his cock into you again. 

“Daddy!” You scream out to him. He pins your hips down to stop you from moving and he pistons his hips into you, pushing you both even closer to your releases. “M’gonna cum daddy” you whimper out to him. 

“I wanna watch you when you cum” Harry grunts before stilling his hips and pulling his cock out out you. “Turn over baby” he instructs and gives a swat to your ass. You quickly do as he says and you spread your legs wide for him. “Good girl” he praises you with a proud smile. Before he pushes into you this time, Harry leans down and spits on on your pussy again, making sure to spread it across your folds with his fingers. “Feel good baby?” He smirks down at you when he hears your moans.

“Mhm” you mewl. He finally pushes back into you and he goes right back to slamming his hips into yours. He lowers himself down closer to you and he puts his lips back onto yours, muffling out your cries for him. 

“C’mon baby, I can feel yeh tightenin’ up ‘round me.” Harry slurs above you. He lowers a hand down between you two and he moves his fingers around your clit. The knot became so tight in the pit of your stomach that you felt like you could burst. You even felt your eyes beginning to water, signaling to you that you were extremely close.

“Oh my-“you couldn’t even finish because you were cumming hard around Harry’s cock. And Harry immediately followed suit. When he felt your walls contracting around his cock, his cum began to pour out of him. Once the both of you are done, Harry slowly pulls out of you and falls onto the floor next to you. 

Then the two of you just lay there for the next 5 minuets, still feeling the post orgasm aftershocks. The sex you two had was beyond mind-blowing. It was like the both of you were in post sex comas. 

“Just so y’know, you’re the only one who gives me that watermelon sugar high.” Harry whispers to you out of the blue. “Y’pussy is just-” he begins, pausing midway to find a word that could describe the the addictive area between your legs. “S’magical. Like y’just so good baby, I love it” Harry praises, sliding his hand back between your legs.

“Wow, it’s an honor to know that I have a magical pussy.” You reply, your tone ridden with sarcasm, with a hint of pride at how good Harry said you were. 

“It’s true! The only thing I love more than the sweetness between your legs is you.”

“You blow my mind more than you even know.” You burst out into laughter. “The way you went from talking about my pussy to being all romantic is just...” you continue. 

“M’serious babe” he sits up to turn towards your body, resting against his arm. “I love you so much.” He whispers down to you, poking his bottom lip out as well. 

“I love you too” you whisper back, sending him a soft smile. “And I only push your buttons and get jealous because I love you” you sigh up at him. You lift your hand up towards his face, softly gliding it across his soft skin and pushing back the hairs that fell down into his face.

“So you were jealous and pushing my buttons!” Harry points out, making it seem like he won. 

 “Just a little bit though” you try to downplay what you said.

Harry chuckles at your statement before he brings his face down to yours, slotting his swollen lips against yours. You use your free hand to pull him back on top of you. 

He lays his body against yours and he deepens the kiss, pushing his tongue past your parted lips. You release a content sigh into his mouth when you feel his cock resting against your center. You lower your hand from his waist and you push it between your bodies, and down to his hardening cock. You wrap your hand around his thick shaft and you drag the head of him against your folds.

“Fuck Y/n” he sighs, pulling away from your lips. You lock your eyes with his and you line his cock back up with your entrance before lightly tugging at him to push back into you. Keeping his eyes locked into yours, Harry slowly pushes back into you. 

“Harry” you whimper. Your mouth hangs open as he pushes all the way inside of you. When Harry pushed into you before the both of you were bursting at the seams with sexual tension. Now that you and Harry were calm and in a relaxed state, you could feel everything like before, but times 10.

Now Harry’s head was beginning to spin. He couldn’t believe how beautiful you were all the way around. Not to mention the way your walls were wrapped around him. He just wanted to stay like this forever. 

“Fuck-please move.” You beg. Harry begins to give you slow and deep thrusts, filling you all the way up with his cock. He went so deep inside of you that he could feel the outline of his cock moving inside of you against his stomach. He continues to slowly thrust into you, giving that the both of you wanted to slow things down and just take each other in. But, unfortunately your time alone was coming to an end. Out of nowhere, theres a loud knock on the door from outside. One of the producers was letting you both know that filming wag going to pick back up in 20 minuets. 

“I guess all good things must come to an end” Harry groans into your neck.

“We always have tonight.” Even though you sounded optimistic, you were feeling just like Harry. 

“I guess so” he mumbles before picking his head up from your neck.

“I’ll let you eat me out again if we get up now.” As soon as you say this, Harry perks up and he instantly gets excited.

“Then what are we waiting for!”

Masterlist

[ectonurites]

My least favorite type of fic!Tim is when he’s portrayed as depressed/very mentally and emotionally unstable, but also at the same time as someone who is like lauded as being super dangerous/the most skilled or something like that?? Those fics where Tim is chugging caffeine and barely sleeping, but characters are still like “oh I wouldn’t wanna piss off Tim he is Dangerous” and that’s annoying enough but then there are fics that at the same time as that portray him as like on the edge of a breakdown. It’s very irritating even if I’m not sure I can articulate exactly why, it just really rubs me the wrong way. Like, I definitely do think Tim has some issues with depression and stuff, but in fics like those it’s treated more like a quirk sort of instead of a serious issue

LMAOO I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT i’m not a fan of that either. I’m apologizing in advance if I sound mean in any of this critique i’m about to give of that fanon version of him. I want to preface this by saying that people can write whatever the hell they want, like, they’re allowed to! And I’m not referencing/calling out any specific works here. Just trends. But I’m gonna bitch about some things I’ve noticed that annoy me, personally. (so again, not saying other people can’t enjoy this stuff! just. not for me)

so like sorry if im mean but this is just me ranting and also this is my blog anyways so:

(nobody take this as an attack on them please because it’s really not)

The problem is a lot of those fics seem to interpret Tim’s behavior in Red Robin (& especially like that last whole arc of his Robin run also by FabNic) as if that’s his normal, rather than the result of a few years of CONSTANT traumatic incidents pushing him to a breaking point (because while all the shit he went through with his Dad, Steph, Kon, Bart, and then Bruce dying was spread out over several years for us as readers, it’s regarded as like within two years in canon! It all happens when he’s 16 and 17. According to the Batman comic right after War Games, Jack was murdered only days after Steph died.

(Batman #634)

That’s a LOT to process for one kid jesus christ) 

I love Red Robin honestly, I do, but it is about Tim at the lowest points in his life. It’s the grand finale of Tim’s story, and everything crumbles, that’s kinda the point! The end leaves him in a position to either rebuild himself or fall apart. It’s all about how he chooses to continue after this point!

(Red Robin #26)

The way he acts and the things he does in that comic should be regarded as such. He can’t live the way he does in Red Robin forever or he will literally burn himself out/become something unrecognizable, like, jesus it’s kinda even acknowledged in the comic when he thinks about what his potential futures would be if he keeps it up like he’s doing:

(Red Robin #25)

He sees himself as dead, as Batman (which he has countless times said he doesn’t want to be and at this point in his history almost every time he’s seen a future he became Batman in he had become a killer), or needing to retire and taking over an Oracle-esque role, likely because he exerted himself too much to continue. 

When you look at him around this same timeframe when he’s not isolating himself/too deep into the mission and is instead working with his friends back on the Titans, you can see that he is starting to heal and work in a more positive direction. He’s choosing to work on coming out of this rough period by being together with his friends who he loves.

(Teen Titans (2003) #100)

Not to say that you can’t write about situations in which he doesn’t start to come out of it, but if you are doing so it’s something you should be taking seriously because that’s the idea you want to explore, not just acting like it’s perfectly okay or normal? (And again, there are a lot of works that do explore it in good ways, there’s just also a LOT that don’t)

Like, so much content I see just make any sadness and depression and tendency to over-work himself that’s rooted in his traumas (which! those do have a basis in canon!) into a quirky personality trait rather than a response to trauma. Acting as if he’s always been this way and it’s normal for him. That’s what bothers me. If people want to seriously explore the effects of all these incidents and how that plays into his ability to do his job as a hero, then hell yes do it! But when it all gets brushed off as ‘oh thats just tim, he just doesnt eat or sleep or feel any happiness but like its fine he’s just always been like that’ I feel my blood boil. 

This also often strikes me as related/tied to fanon’s seemingly never-ending quest to make Tim into this victim of so many things he really wasn’t. They make his childhood 10x worse than it actually was (yes he was lonely because he was sent to boarding schools rather than having his parents around, but he was NOT just left home alone all the time as a child. 

(Batman #441)

He snuck away during a school vacation week to follow Bruce one (1) time and to then track down Dick. This is established in his introduction story! PLEASE read Lonely Place of Dying!) and it just... going with those fanon assumptions as being true changes so much of how people characterize him! 

Some people will also (not to call out tim/kon shippers especially because I  literally am also one but) vilify the shit out of Steph and make their relationship out to be some abusive thing rather than just... a messy teen relationship between vigilantes because they had really complicated lives and baggage with one another? Which they both acknowledge they made mistakes in!

(Red Robin #10)

Or people will vilify the shit out of Dick in regards to the situation at the start of Red Robin, or literally just make anyone who Tim ever had a disagreement with out to be the bad guy despite the actual situations always being way more complex and multi-faceted than that.

And then on top of all that, aside from making him into this ‘im broken 24/7 and not doing anything to fix it also everyone around me is terrible to me’ type of character, because he’s a lot of people’s favorite, they also want him to be as cool and strong as he is at his high points. So they’re projecting all this stuff onto him that makes him what should be a barely functioning person but then also act like that’s fine and he’s able to be a dangerous badass on top of it. 

Like I’m sorry but someone who is going out and actively acting as a vigilante like that which is incredibly physically taxing is NOT surviving on coffee alone and no sleep. That’s literally not possible, he’d fucking collapse. (And like, again, if you want to explore him pushing himself to that point, that’s one thing! but acting like he can manage all of that for more than a few days at a time/maybe while working on one really tough case is nuts!) and like, even canon can be a little guilty of this type of thing particularly since the New 52 (Detective Comics 2016 had more than a few references to him barely sleeping, but at least they also made references to him eating normally/healthily and he wasn’t completely self isolating or anything) (and also that comic had him be so self sacrificial he was ready to die to save everyone and only didn’t die because of Mr.Oz’s interference, he’s definitely not in his best place there) but usually it’s still within some realm of possibility.

Also like. The fanon ‘chugging coffee to survive thing’ just annoys the shit out of me because, like, yes there’s a few moments in canon where he’s under a lot of pressure and pushing himself further than he normally would and had some coffee (one of the only times I can even remember him having it on panel is... oh... during that last Robin arc I just mentioned a little while ago shouldn’t be where you source your normal characterization of him because it’s a very difficult situation that pushes him further than he normally would go! huh!) But the thing is like, people play it off for laughs, or like it’s a normal thing he would do at any time in his life! If you want to explore him pushing himself and using coffee as a crutch, like, there’s ways you can write it that takes it seriously, but almost every time I see it come up in fics it is like a core part of his personality and just ‘oh haha silly tim always with his entire pot of coffee he must chug every morning or he’ll die :^)’ And that bothers the hell out of me. 

In general it’s just... people treat Tim so weird. They want him to be so many different things that he’s shown himself to be at different times for very specific reasons, except they want him to do all of it at the same time which just doesn’t work. A person can’t function like that, and it’s not even close to who he is in canon. 

Again, people can do what they want, and this is just my opinion obviously, but yeah. My two cents on the matter.  Read Lonely Place of Dying, read Young Justice, read his Robin run. Read his comics and get a feel for who he was before all the rest of his trauma, and see how he canonically reacts to it along the way. I know reading comics can be tough for some people but so much stuff just echo chambers and becomes barely recognizable in this fandom and it’s just... a shame when it happens with a character ya love. 

[dovewingz]

moonkitti bramblesquirrel video: summary notes

please keep in mind that because i wanted to keep things shorter and, well, summarized, i included close to no quotes. moon uses a lot of quotes, so if you want evidence from within the text i would suggest skimming through the video. secondly, i didn’t include any of my personal opinions for obvious reasons.

link to video. content warning for discussions of abuse.

BRIEF SUMMARY: to say that bramblesquirrel are both entirely in the wrong is completely ignoring the consistent signs of an abuser that bramblestar exhibits, just as squirrelflight behaves like a victim of abuse. there is a clear power imbalance between them that has been present since the beginning of their relationship.

NOTES: about a 10 minute read

INTRO > the fandom has brought about a belief/take that squirrelflight and bramblestar are equally bad to each other. this is a compromise; a way to excuse bramblestar’s poor behaviour & find reason for him to treat squirrelflight poorly.

> the fandom consistently brings up reasons for him to treat her cruelly (victim blaming), as though someone being annoying is any reason to treat them badly.

> the fandom also jumps between using cat morals (the warrior code) and human morals to back up their opinions. when squirrelflight helped the sisters, she disobeyed her leader (against the code), but it was for a morally good reason. she was doing the right thing.

> there is a clear power imbalance between bramblestar and squirrelflight. more on that later.

THE NEW PROPHECY > squirrelflight doesn’t trust hawkfrost, and neither does leafpool based on previous experience. when she confronts brambleclaw about this, he believes that this is because of who hawkfrost’s father is. squirrelflight insists that that is not why.

> brambleclaw continues to work with hawkfrost, training in the dark forest with tigerstar (the one thing that he is upset with squirrelflight for accusing him of). he believes that hawkfrost is a good person, even when mudclaw reveals that he and hawkfrost were working together.

> brambleclaw doesn’t listen to squirrelflight’s concerns or take her seriously. they do not trust each other.

> throughout their hawkfrost-disagreement, brambleclaw continues to find excuses to punish/scold her. squirrelflight defends herself, acting aggressive/defensive. she’s growing closer with ashfur, trusting him and preferring how he treats her. >>> “that’s what you want, is it? a loyal warrior to follow after you and smooth all the thorns out of your pelt?” brambleclaw mocks her for wanting someone who will treat her kindly.

> brambleclaw continues to get more controlling and aggressive, while ashfur is overprotective and also controlling/babies her. brambleclaw is very cold and passive-aggressive towards squirrelflight & her relationship with ashfur. it is unclear whether ashsquirrel are mates or not, but they are likely in the middle phase (on the path to becoming mates but not officially mates yet).

> squirrelflight eventually realizes she still has feelings for brambleclaw (for some reason) and breaks it off with ashfur. leafpool receives a vision from starclan which confirms that they are bramblesquirrel shippers too! wow thanks starclan.

> to conclude: brambleclaw was projecting his insecurities about tigerstar onto squirrelflight (while also training in the DF with tiger). he pushes her away when she attempts to talk with him, and goes out of his way to boss her around/control her. squirrelflight was not intentionally trying to upset him.

LEAFPOOL’S WISH > brambleclaw isn’t treating squirrelflight like an equal. >>> “brambleclaw wants me to fetch soaked moss for the nursery, even though it’s an apprentice task. he hasn’t stopped giving out orders since firestar made him deputy!” /// “...treating me like i’m still wet behind the ears.”

> squirrelflight is having issues only a month into the (new, romantic) relationship. she feels patronized. there has almost always been a power imbalance in their relationship (apprentice/warrior and now warrior/deputy).

> when it comes to the three, squirrelflight states multiple times that she doesn’t want to lie to brambleclaw. she doesn’t change her mind until she finds out that she is barren and will never have biological children. starclan themselves tell her this, pressuring her into taking the kits.

POWER OF THE THREE and OMEN OF THE STARS > their relationship is solid until hollyleaf reveals the truth about her parents at the gathering. brambleclaw breaks up with squirrelflight on the spot, not understanding why she didn’t trust him enough to tell him.

> the question is, can we trust brambleclaw? he trained in the dark forest and never told her, he held a grudge against squirrelflight for months, etc. of course he had every right to break up with her, but squirrelflight rightfully had worries.

> after their break up, brambleclaw avoids, ignores and acts very passive-aggressively towards her. in forth apprentice, it is mentioned that they hadn’t spoken in months. their only communication was squirrelflight watching him longingly & sadly.

> before the tribe quest, squirrelflight asks brambleclaw if he has a message for the tribe. jayfeather detects something else in her voice, and he realizes that she wants brambleclaw to show her any kind of sign that he still cares about her.

> after finding out about the three’s powers, brambleclaw accuses her of lying, intentionally trying to hurt him, etc. they fight several times. then, suddenly, near the end of the last hope, they are on good terms. this is a pattern in their relationship: brambleclaw only treating squirrelflight fairly during/after a huge crisis has occurred. this time, it’s the last hope battle. after the battle, he trusts her and makes her deputy.

> why does brambleclaw suddenly trust her after treating her so passive-aggressively for a whole year? he manipulated and controlled her, punished her for hurting him, and there was still a power imbalance. he’s not just her mate, he’s now her leader.

> while brambleclaw gave her the cold-shoulder, squirrelflight acted very submissive and sad. she’s typically headstrong, independent and active. brambleclaw makes her act scared.

BRAMBLESTAR’S STORM > bramblesquirrel are not together and their relationship seems to work best this way.

> bramblestar chose squirrelflight as deputy because she has her own ideas and will challenge him. he’s glad she’s deputy and thinks she’s good at her job, believing that he would be “lost without her.”

> scenes with jessy are trying to show us that squirrelflight is jealous. during a couple of scenes, squirrelflight does act unreasonably and snaps at bramblestar, where jessy defends him. >>> “wow, is she always like this?” “yeah, pretty much.” - bramblestar and jessy > later, bramblestar and jessy go out together. when they get back, bramblestar forgets to tell anybody that he saw windclan trespassing for, like, 10 minutes. squirrelflight is frustrated, but even after he gets injured, she doesn’t scold him.

> after they help shadowclan, bramblestar understands why squirrelflight lied to him. she was protecting leafpool, which he gets because he would also do anything for his sister. he says he respects her and her courage. they also acknowledge that lion, jay and holly are their real kids. >>> “squirrelflight and i share a bond that cannot be broken” - inner monologue from bramblestar 

A VISION OF SHADOWS > squirrelflight is pregnant, proving that starclan lied to her about being barren. bramblesquirrel have some casual scenes, although squirrelflight is a bit “toned down” / not as independent. this may just be because she’s not a pov character or because she’s getting older.

thats literally it

SQUIRRELFLIGHT’S HOPE this one is like 50% of the video!

> squirrelflight likes the idea of having another litter of kits and bramblestar gives her a vague response. it is important to note that she didn’t ask anything, she just mentioned the idea.

> she changes the subject, wanting to feel like they’re young again! bramblestar is serious and talks about the gathering. it is implied that they haven’t had fun in a while and that he isn’t giving her much attention.

> they discuss the skyclan territory dispute at the gathering. bramblestar doesn’t want thunderclan or skyclan to give away territory. squirrelflight gives her own solution, that there is territory above thunder and shadow. she believes that this is an open discussion for different ideas.

> after the gathering, he is furious at her for giving her own idea without discussing it with him first, and that skyclan will have to move again. he also mentions that the territory she’s talking about could have dangerous animals, and that warriors could die because of her idea.

> because this is a discussion over territory, squirrelflight mentions that the clans are getting bigger + that there will be new kits by new-leaf. throughout the entire talk, he had been growling and lashing his tail.

> bramblestar deflects and brings up something that she had already dropped: having more kits. he is scolding her, attempting to trivialize her feelings. he runs away, and squirrelflight follows him, trying to continue the discussion. >>> then he guilt-trips her, “isn’t being deputy enough?” he is accusatory and it is clear that he doesn’t want to have this discussion. > squirrelflight explains that she’s worried because she knows she’s getting older and wants another littler before it’s too late. to herself, she worries that because bramblestar has nine lives, he will live longer than her and eventually replace her. >>> “don’t you love me anymore?” she asks. could be a guilt-trip, could be a genuine question because squirrelflight feels unloved.

> afterwards, bramblestar apologies. he admits that he brought up the kits out of anger because he felt like she wasn’t on his side at the meeting. he says that he would love to have another litter with her, but squirrelflight can Tell that he doesn’t, he’s just saying it because she wants kits. she never brings up the topic of kits again.

> moon super briefly goes over the cycle of abuse: tension between the abuser and the abused (abused feels anxious), abuser lashes out, then afterwards feels bad/apologizes + there’s a brief “peace” period. this happens multiple times in the bramblesquirrel relationship, with hawkfrost, with the three, etc. something else to note is that every time they reconcile, they have a litter of kits, so it wouldn’t be hard to say that squirrelflight associates the “peace” period with motherhood.

> squirrelflight feels very guilty, like she’s replaceable, and blames herself. she goes over the argument in her head again. eventually, she and leafstar go explore the territory beyond thunderclan. squirrelflight feels bad about lying to bramblestar, but doesn’t tell him even when given the opportunity (running into sparkpelt). she believes that she is doing the morally right thing but knows that bramblestar wouldnt agree with her.

> while she’s with the sisters, she only grows more anxious, feels bad for the trouble she’s causing thunderclan, and worries about bramblestar’s anger.

> when thunderclan find her and bring her back to camp, bramblestar puts a restriction on her. if she’s “going to act like an apprentice,” then she must run every decision by him. no more going off on her own, no more “arguing” at the gathering. he is using his power as leader to control her. he threatens to replace her as deputy, causing squirrelflight to panic about how he no longer trusts her.

> later, bramblestar micromanages her. he orders squirrelflight to tell him how she’s organizing the dawn patrol and blatantly insults her methods. bramblestar is using a “trust exercise” to express his anger and lash out. squirrelflight defends herself, saying that she loves him & her clan. >>> “bramblestar was supposed to be her mate. why couldn’t he talk to her instead of trying to make her feel small?”

> after sparkpelt reveals that she’s pregnant and bramblestar mentions having kits to squirrelflight, squirrelflight snaps at him. she feels guilty about it. she also feels bad about not being happier for sparkpelt, feeling selfish, guilty for wanting something that bramblestar doesn’t, and scared that she’s never going to be happy again. she feels as though she’s making all the wrong choices.

> squirrelflight finds sunrise (a sister) injured and brings her to camp, knowing that bramblestar will be angry (as does the rest of the clan), but wanting to do the right thing. bramblestar refuses to help sunrise until he gets starclan’s approval, but it’s clear that he is acting out of anger towards squirrelflight.

> the message from starclan is incredibly vague, and bramblesquirrel disagree over it. squirrelflight insists on helping sunrise no matter bramblestar’s feelings, and bramblestar worries that helping sunrise will cause tension between the clans.

> when leafpool goes to help sunrise, bramblestar stands in front of her as a way to physically threaten her to step back. squirrelflight worries that bramblestar will fight leafpool just to stop her, so she jumps in front of leafpool to protect her. while this is happening, sunrise is dying. >>> “we can’t keep doing this. if you keep undermining my authority, you could destroy the whole clan” despite bramblestar’s words, squirrelflight wants to do what she knows is right. she believes that thunderclan is stronger than any leader/deputy disputes. >>> “why are you doing this to me? you’re my deputy. you’re my mate. you’re supposed to support me” /// “thanks to you, there’s not even unity in thunderclan anymore.” bramblestar guilt-trips her, unable to physically intimidate anyone into stopping. squirrelflight isn’t trying to hurt him, she’s trying to do what’s right.

> later on, bramblestar suddenly forgives her, but implies that he is willing to put the sisters in danger for what was previously squirrelflight’s plan. he wants to drive the sisters out by force. > tension between the clans grow, which sparkpelt blames bramblestar for. squirrelflight jumps to his defense. >>> “why are you sticking up for him? he’s hardly spoken to you in days. he’s been treating you like an apprentice. and you’re defending him! why are you being such a mouseheart?” sparkpelt says, making it clear that other cats are aware of bramblesquirrel’s toxicity. > bramblestar does not see squirrelflight as an equal. when he’s upset with her, he treats her as such, talking down to her, giving her apprentice-jobs, etc.

> bramblesquirrel haven’t properly made-up. squirrelflight is too anxious to talk to him, worried that she’ll make things worse or that he’ll lash out at her. she believes that bramblestar blames her for everything that’s wrong. as bramblestar plans the patrol to attack the sisters, squirrelflight hides away. he questions her about it, and she says that she doesn’t agree with what he’s doing, while bramblestar expects her to back him up no matter what.

> squirrelflight feels like he believes borders/battles are the only thing he cares about + bramblestar feels like the sisters are the only thing she cares about. he believes that he’s following the will of starclan. after that, squirrelflight apologizes to bramblestar and they say that they love each other. she supports him in front of the clan, despite the fact that she does not agree with what he’s doing.

> that night, she has a dream about kits dying in battle, and knows it was a prophetic warning. she talks to leafpool about this and they realize it was moonlight’s kits. they run ahead of the patrol, bramblesquirrel argue, they decide to attack then they don’t... it eventually results in squirrelflight’s death.

> [ moon skipped the starclan trial ]

> much like in other times, such as during the new prophecy and the last hope’s final battle, it takes a huge crisis for bramblestar to realize that he needs to treat squirrelflight fairly & apologize. he apologizes while she’s Dead, and once she wakes up he’s super worried about her. >>> “...don’t be sorry. don’t be sorry for anything. i was so worried. i love you so much. we should never have let things get so bad. i’ll never let it happen again.” even here, bramblestar is being manipulative, not fully taking the blame (”we”) and acting as though they are both equally at fault.

> from here, bramblestar is extra loving and supportive, defending her at the gathering. squirrelflight decides that she no longer wants another litter, she can be content with helping sparkpelt’s + the clan’s kits, plus she has bramblestar’s affection.

OUTRO/CONCLUSION my notes were getting less detailed by the end, but moon just reinstates some point she’s already made (as expected)

> bramblesquirrel follow the same patterns as the cycle of abuse. bramblestar consistently finds reasons to put her down and does things out of anger (even admitting to that). squirrelflight is constantly thinking about his anger and how he’ll lash out at her.

> there is a severe power imbalance in their relationship and there has been since the beginning. bramblestar does not treat her as though she’s on the same level as him.

> particularly in squirrelflight’s hope, the text presents squirrelflight as being in the right. she does what she believes is morally just, and bramblestar is shown as the antagonist. she constantly feels guilty and never even thinks of placing her wants/needs over his.

> it does not matter how many flaws squirrelflight has, it does not matter if she is annoying or entitled (she’s not) or bratty, she does not deserve to be abused. she is a victim of bramblestar’s abuse.

[catboyithaqua]

Ramuda and Doppo :0

OH MY BOYS LETS GO

Under a cut bc long

Ramuda Amemura

First impression

Baby boy baby. Very cute and sweet i love characters with ramudas aesthetic i tend to want to protect them, especially since its an aesthetic that i fall into myself and lo v e so kseidjsnfn YEAH this man is baby!!!

Impression now

Ohhh my god i love this man i love the way he is characterised he is so incredibly interesting as a character and tbh so realistic and honestly i adore him!!! I alarmingly see a lot of myself in him tbh, were incredibly similar and that isnt necessarily a good thing!! But still i love this man

Favorite moment

Oh man where tf do i BEGIN there are so many ngl, but mostly all of the moments where we see ramuda's humanity. There is still a sweetness left under the darkness, there is still a man who wants to cling onto everything he has - his emotion, his internal battles, his morality vs his desperate need to survive - oh fucking man so much.

Idea for a story

CAN WE FUCKING. HAVE RAMUDA TALK HIS SHIT OUT PLEASE can we just have others actively helping ramuda cAN THIS MAN PLEASE BE SHOWN THAT ITS NOT TOO LATE FOR HIM,,, PLEASE,, i just want ramuda to finally talk out everything and have people on his side. Please.

Unpopular opinion

This probs isnt unpopular by any means, but idk what else to put here so take this:

I dont really see it often discussed that yknow ramuda is an abuse victim. Like, its very clear that chuokhu uses and abuses him, and his life is constantly being hung over his head. No wonder the dude is doing anything he can in order to survive, he has no choice in that regard. Before i get told this in the notes yes i know this doesnt excuse the things hes done!!! But tbh i really think that like the trauma that ramuda is living with kinda needs to be addressed.

Favorite relationship

I am a huge multishipper and have found a way to ship ramuda w just about most people (that are adults and not in chuokhu lol) so this is pretty tough

Id say either fling poly or jkrm and these are my reasons lets go:

Fling poly: HAVE YOU S E E N THEM do i really need to say more here all three of them have such good chemistry together, theyre all clearly on the same wavelength and have such a wonderful dynamic,,, they found out about the clones and shit and they STILL chose to protect ramuda and to fight for him and with him and to stay by his side aND BLACK JOURNEY TOO I-- IM GONNA START SOBBING,,,

Jakuramu: this one is not based on canon too much i am sorry this is mostly hc but i am a huge sucker for enemies to lovers ok also, i feel like out of TDD these two would be the ones to reconcile. After all, jakurai is a rather empathetic man and he probably would def understand the situation that ramuda was in. After all this dude was an ex assassin, if ramuda was to tell him everything, im sure that he would be able to relate to yknow the time he took others' lives, people with families and friends that he killed because he was ordered to and most likely had no other choice. Of course, jakurai is well within his right to not forgive ramuda for what happened to yotsutsuji, but i feel like he would and would help him get out of the situation hes in,,, and also im soft for the TDD era ok like how jakurai WANTED TO KNOW THE REAL RAMUDA AND LIKE,,, even when ramuda snapped at him he was GLAD HE WANTSD TO KNOW HIM FUCK MAN,,, i just really like these two ok

Favorite headcanon

I have quite a lot of hcs! Here are a few and like some explanation as to why:

- hes trans - i personally believe this bc personally itd make sense. Ramuda has a very feminine appearance and build, those that are like typically common in asian countries. As well as that, he has his own autonomy unlike the other clones. It wouldnt surprise me if chuokhu orignally wanted to make a girl to keep the other divisions in check, but when he decided personally that he didnt want to be such a way, they said sure, more room for us to treat you as we want to. Hes got money, getting T wouldnt be that difficult for him either, so thats why his voice is. That way fiaudjsnfnd anyway i think it makes sense!! Idk--

- he has bpd - projection probably but the biggest inspiration for this headcanon is how he is emotionally. His swings are violent - he feels and expresses such a diverse range of emotions and its so easy for him to change his emotional disposition - whilst also mostly feeling totally empty. Relationship wise also, given how he was genuinely really close to jakurai and then completely splitting on him, h a t i n g him. Yeah that sounds like bpd to me chief i know i have it!!! Theres more ik there is but i cant pull up examples rn

- hes neurodivergent - again mostly projection honestly and like there isnt much of a canon basis in his behaviour, just little things, but i like to personally hc that aside from eating candy to stay alive duh, that he chooses lollipops bc they serve as a sort of stim?? Also ik that fashion is his job but hes also so so clearly passionate about it that its a special interest for him, and thats partially why he took it up as a job in the first place, so he could do something related to his special interest lol. Idk i know there isnt any basis for this but just let me have autistic ramuda iaiesjdnsnfn

Doppo Kanonzaka

First impression

Now THATS what i call a tired mf!!! This dude has yves saint laurent eyebags also he really reminds me of aggretsuko somehow??? Im really not sure what it is

Impression now

Yeah i was def right with the aggretsuko comparison siaishsnshfb BUT I LOVEEE HIM i love him very much and i think this man really needs a break and is also very relateable i love

Favorite moment

As much as i love fp i absolutely adore the badass koments that doppo has including when he absolutely fucking obliterated fling posse sksjxnxncn also!! All of his little moments with hifumi i genuinely enjoy their dynamic its so cute

Idea for a story

Honestly i wanna see him slowly recover from the teauma that he has experienced because this king absolutely deserves it, and also from a practical point of view itd make this mf s t r o n g e r i also just.... long to see doppo happy honestly he deserves to smile!!

Unpopular opinion

I dont really have an unpopular opinion but saving like leaving this blank: as much as i absolutely adore jakurai and hifumi and their music (jakurai is my fave out of every hypmic character and i WILL drive this home), to me doppo just has the best music. Like, i love tigridia and BLACK OR WHITE so fucking much its absolutely unreal and all of doppos verses in every song are juust so fucking good. As much as i listen to you are, therefore i am on repeat every day of my life doppos music is just the best ✨

Favorite relationship

Again i am a huge multishipping bitch and i habe a few ships with doppo but in ahll honesty my fave is very clear - i absolutely adore his dynamic with matenrou as a whole and especially hifumi - his relationship with hifumi is clearly so special and it really shows how strong their friendship is, and in a ship sense i find it to be realy cute bc theres such a clear need for each other and that even if they clearly come at odds sometimes, at the end of the days theyre still clearly so close and i just,,, god doppo reallt deserves someone like hifumi in his life and im so glad that he has it!!!!

Favorite headcanon

Honestly i dont really think i have too many for doppo but given his general demeanor and his attitude, i personally hc him as demi. Yeah i know that sexualities dont have like typical personalities and such but i feel like given his anxieties around new people and how he clearly only really sticks to those that hes very close with, it makes more sense for him to be demi than any other sexuality to be quite honest - and this is also just pushing my hifudo agenda aiqiauansnssn but yknow!!!!

[shhh-no-ones-home]

secrets (2/2) izzy stradlin x reader

+++++++++

part 1 part 2

tour is over, its been about two months since it ended. you all are finally back to your own places in LA and youve been back and forth with izzy ever since, spending much more time with him as well as all the gnr guys. the aftermath finally caught up with you though.

song: forgive me mother by the relentless

tag list: @cynic-spirit @satans-arse

+++++++++

"hey mike can i ask you a question?"

i looked over at duff who wasnt really paying attention. i was hoping if i used his real name he would understand i had something important to say. it didnt. he kept moving his fingers against his bass, strumming it and nodding his head back and forth.

"mikey?"

i asked again but still nothing.

"Micheal!"

i practically yelled and he looked up at me shocked.

"jeez y/n cant you see im busy? what?"

i huffed and crossed my arms over my chest, sinking further into the couch.

"i have a question."

he looked over at me like 'really?'

"okay?"

he said unamused.

"do you think im a good person?"

i said a little shy. he drew his brows together before setting his bass down.

"of course, youre like a sister to me."

he said and i shook my head.

"thats not what i meant."

he looked at me a little concerned.

"wheres all this coming from?"

he asked, sitting back and really looking at me. i shrugged.

"i have a secret that i really want to tell you but im scared."

he placed his hand gently on my thigh, squeezing it.

"you know you can talk to me about anything but if its to much you dont have to."

i nodded.

"duffy i-"

i closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. then the front door swung open, snatching my attention. iz and axl both walked in, izzy sending me a weird look noticing duffs hand still on my leg. they both walked down the hallway away from us.

"ill tell you later."

i said, standing and walking to the kitchen.

"okay."

he said softly, watching me leave. i stepped behind the wall for a second and took a deep breath, hearing him strum his bass again. if i couldnt even tell duff, how the hell was i supposed to talk to izzy about this. i walked slowly to the fridge and looked in it, frowning.

"god, do we have anything here other than alcohol?"

i complained, slamming the door shut.

"its never been a problem before."

izzy said sternly, making me jump as he watched me from across the room sipping his beer. i hadnt really noticed him there when i walked in and was wondering if he had really been there that long. i could have swore he went to the back room with axl. i shook my head of the thought and sat down at the table.

"maybe i want something different for once. is that a problem?"

i asked, picking at the doily under the napkin holder. he shrugged and sat across from me, crossing one leg over the other.

"i guess not."

he kind of snapped back. i frowned at him.

"you okay iz?"

he seemed a little off but then again maybe i was just projecting my own feelings onto him.

"yeah im great, why do you ask?"

he said a little coldly and i drew my brows, looking down at the table. i knew we were a secret and all but he didnt have to be mean about it. hed never been like this with me before.

"i dont know, you just seem a little mad."

i said softly, not wanting to actually anger him. he took a long sip of his beer.

"nope just ready to be alone i guess."

he sent me a knowing look and i immediately knew what he wanted. part of me wanted it to but i had more pressing matters to attend to. besides, duff and ax where still here and we wouldnt be able to get away with much, specially not the way he made me scream the last few times.

"alone doesnt sound like a bad idea."

i said back, noting the glimmer of hope in his eyes as he smirked at me, taking another drink.

"hey, slash called and we're gonna meet him and steven to eat, you two coming?"

duff said, poking his head into the kitchen.

"uh no im good, im not hungry."

i said looking over at him and he nodded.

"how bout you iz?"

he side nodded.

"no, ill stay here with y/n, we can go grab something later."

duff nodded once.

"okay."

he said disappearing behind the wall again. i thought for a second before standing and walking to the doorway, watching him and axl leave, waving goodbye before he closed the door. then i felt a looming behind me and it didnt take long for his hands to find their way to my hips.

"so, alone time..."

he said softly, leaning down and nuzzling his nose into my neck. i sighed out as he began kissing there, his thumbs rubbing circles into my sides. then, without warning he spun me around and connected our lips, kissing me deeply. i wrapped my one arm around his shoulders before remembering what i really needed to do and pushed him away.

"wait."

i breathed and he moved in for another kiss.

"i said wait."

i smiled at him, free hand firmly against his chest.

"c'mon, i missed you."

he protested kissing my cheek a few times, slowly moving to my neck.

"i have something to tell you first."

he hummed against me, his hands making their way to my ass and sliding into my back jean pockets. my eyes went wide as he looked at me a little confused, pulling what was in there out. my heart rate increased as he looked down at it with his brows furrowed.

"surprise?"

i said carefully, trying to study him. he just stared at it for a second, not letting me go.

"wait, y/n what is this?"

he looked up at me. i cleared my throat, feeling his hand remove itself from my waist as he held the picture with both hands now.

"what does it look like?"

he looked down at it again then back up at me and his face fell.

"this isnt what i think it is right? you arent?"

i scratched the back of my neck nervously.

"it is, and i am."

his mouth opened and closed a few times like a fish. his hand found its way into his hair, his eyes getting wide as he stumbled back.

"wait."

he said shaking his head.

"i need to process this for a second."

i sent him an odd look.

"izzy are you okay?"

he shook his head no and went back to the table, sitting down and staring at the photo.

"youre... pregnant."

he said slowly. i walked to him and placed my hand gently on his shoulder.

"yep."

i said a little worried now.

"who's is it?"

he asked looking up at me. i sent him a look.

"do you really need to ask?"

he let out a staggered breath and looked back down at the photo sitting on the table.

"so it is mine."

he affirmed with himself and nodded a few times, very slowly. he turned his head back to me and of course my stomach was eye level with him. he looked up at me for a second before wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my stomach, never once breaking eye contact.

"i know ive never said it before cause we are so on the down low we are basically nonexistent but i love you. so much."

he said sincerely, standing up and placing his hands firmly at my back, pulling me closer to him. i smiled at him, tears stinging my eyes.

"i love you too Jeffrey."

i said softly, placing my hand against his cheek. he picked me up quickly and sat me on the table, leaning down and kissing me deeply.

"what the fuck?"

i heard and both our attention snapped to the kitchen doorway, duff standing there with a shocked expression on his face.

"i thought you were getting dinner with slash."

i said, eyes wide.

"i forgot my wallet. and hey! i thought you two were just friends!"

he torted back.

"not anymore."

izzy said, holding the picture of the sonogram up.

"im gonna be a dad."

he said endearingly, looking back down at me with a wide smile across his lips.

"youre pregnant?!"

duff practically screamed, walking into the kitchen and taking the picture from izzy. i nodded.

"thats what i wanted to tell you earlier."

he looked up at me, a distressed look on his face.

"my fake sister is pregnant with the child of my bands guitarist."

he said unbelievably, making me giggle.

"duffy its not a big deal."

he looked at me like i was crazy

"not a big deal? youre pregnant! this is life changing!"

"wait, y/n's pregnant?"

i heard slash say, the rest of the band coming into view behind him. i face palmed, making izzy laugh as duff moved to sit in the chair, looking over the sonogram again.

"alright, since everyone's here now, yes i am pregnant."

i said, looking over slash, axl, and steven as they walked into the kitchen. slash took the sonogram from duff and looked down at it, duffs fingers tangling in his messy blonde hair.

"who's the father?"

slash asked looking over at me, izzy still stood between my legs, looking smug as ever. he was still waiting for an answer though so i just pointed to iz.

"no."

he said, shocked.

"congrats."

steve said, walking over and half hugging me the best he could with izzy still in the way.

"thanks."

i said smiling at him. izzy faked hurt and frowned.

"hey, i had a part in this too."

he protested, axl coming over and slapping him on the back.

"oh we know. you dog!"

i laughed and hid my face in my hands.

"ya know, we were having a nice moment. what happened to you all getting dinner together?"

they all looked around at each other and shrugged.

"couldnt decide who would buy so we tried to pool together cash but duff left his wallet here. we came back to get it, he was taking too long so we came in to investigate why and now we all know the big news."

axl narrated.

"now i feel like you two have to come with us, as a celebration dinner."

slash said. i looked over at duff who still seemed like he was having a crisis.

"what do you say iz? celebratory 'we're expecting' dinner?"

he nodded, kissing me gently.

"id love that."

[collecting-stories]

Put it all on Me - Bucky Barnes

A/N: Not requested...just wanted to get back into writing some marvel stuff...it’s a lot stiffer than I would’ve liked but it’s been a while. 😬

///

“Here’s an idea...why don’t you listen to me since I have full visual and you’re compromised instead of insisting that ‘I know what I’m doing’.” You snapped, clicking away at the computer in front of you. Special Ops was not your cup of tea usually but the new system that had been developed required a trained hand. Or rather, you, because you had developed it.  

“I know what I’m doing.”  

“Brilliant.” You rolled your eyes, scanning over the monitors that had been set up in your make-shift control room.  

“I don’t need full visuals, I’ve been doing this since before you were born.”  

“Weirdest things to hear your boyfriend say to you for $500.” You replied and heard Sam laugh through the earpiece.  

“Hey, could you get some of those visuals for me, I’m not afraid to admit when I need help.” Sam commented. You watched through the screen as he shifted positions to look around the corner.  

“At least someone appreciates me,” you joked, pulling up Sam’s camera.  

“Here we go.” Bucky commented and you could practically hear him roll his eyes at you.  

“You’re clear in this room Sam, they’ve got someone stationed up ahead about 100 feet, left corner but there’s no visual for him. You’ll be fine to move.” You said, turning away from his monitor to glance at Bucky’s as you spoke. “You on the other hand-”

“I. Got. It.” Bucky snapped.  

“I know now isn’t exactly ‘the time’ but did something happen that I should be aware of?” Sam asked, silently praying that neither of you actually had an issue. Or at least one that you wanted to talk about. Now really wasn’t the time and he hated playing counselor to your issues.  

“It’s nothing Sam,” you replied, sounding like maybe it was something after all.  

“Nothing? Good to know.” Bucky commented, annoyance in his voice.  

“I didn’t mean, christ Buck, could we not right now?”  

“Oh sure of course. Let’s not at all, how’s that?”  

“Hey, could we maybe get back to the mission at hand?” Sam’s voice cut through your argument.  

The mission, which had you tapping into security cameras in the main building of what Sam believed, according to intel, was housing past members of Hydra attempting to rebuild their ranks. Not something any of you could risk happening. Sam was less than thrilled about the mission and you had shown reluctance to be out in the field, though for good reason. The last time you had engaged in field work had been in Geneva and that had ended with you in the hospital from the fight with Bucky. One he was notably remorseful over.  

It was the going out in the field for this that had him acting so standoffish. A massive argument that ended in you accusing him of not thinking you were capable of fieldwork. Though that was far from his mind.

“Why don’t you just apologize?” Sam attempted, once coms were off and the two of them were debriefing from the mission.  

Bucky shot him a look, the same disgruntled one that Steve used to give him. Sam couldn’t decide who had picked it up from who but it looked fierce nonetheless. The scowl was deep set and Sam was held his hands up in surrender, not regretful that he had broached the topic but understanding that he had asked a little too soon. “I don’t have anything to apologize for,” Bucky finally said. “I was just being honest with her.”

“Honest or paranoid?” He asked.  

“The last time we were out in the field she ended up in the hospital.” Bucky replied.  

“So all those fears you’re projecting on her are yours. And you should be telling her about them...you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Bucky nodded.  

“I’m serious man,” Sam said. He knew without a push Bucky would just let things dissolve further until they were irreparable. It was just the way he reacted sometimes.  

Bucky knew Sam was right. You were good at your job and he should’ve told you that you were instead of acting like they were wrong in recruiting you. It was a shitty thing to do and it made him sound like he thought you were incapable of doing field work, something he knew wasn’t true. You were more than capable. And the more he thought about the way he acted the shittier he felt. There was nothing he could do while he was debriefing but afterward, once he’d changed out of the kevlar and showered he headed for his room, hoping that you would be there to talk.  

You were, just where he thought, or hoped, you would be. You were sitting on the bed, reading something on your laptop when Bucky came in and you purposefully didn’t look up. If you were icing him without distancing yourself he could handle that. It meant that however upset, angry, or pissed you were you still wanted to talk to him, be with him.  

“Hey,” he stopped at the foot of the bed, running a hand through his newly shortened hair.  

When he had finally decided that the longer length was bothering him you had offered to cut it for him. You had three younger brothers and your mother had never wanted to spring for haircuts when the four of you were young because she was a hairdresser herself. So you had grown up with a working knowledge of how to cut hair and make it look presentable.  

You had cut his hair post shower, while he sat on the edge of the bathtub, looking incredibly enticing in nothing but a towel. You had gathered the nearly shoulder length hair into your hands and tied it back in a low ponytail so that you could cut off the ends altogether.  

“What if you cut off my ear or something?” Bucky had teased, pulling your hand around so he could kiss your palm.  

“Maybe you could have them make you a vibrainium one.” You joked, fingers running through his hair to section it off. Bucky’s eyes fluttered closed at the feeling.  

Positive physical interactions had taken him a lot longer to adapt to than he liked admitting. Steve had told him, after he’d first come out cryo, that it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of but that didn’t really make Bucky feel any better. It was frustrating that he flinched from the simplest touch. But in the months that he’d spent in Wakanda and after, once the snap had been reversed, he had improved. Not quite the boy he was in Brooklyn he wasn’t so adverse to affection anymore. Especially not yours. He sought it out, in fact. Smiling now as you kissed the top of his head.  

That was nearly a month ago though. Now you sat, not a foot away, but making no attempt to give him any affection. He could practically feel the cold that was emanating from you.  

“I know you’re pissed about earlier,” He tried again.  

You looked up at him, anger evident, “am I? I built that system Buck...it’s supposed to keep the two of you safe when you’re out there and you wouldn’t listen to a single thing I said!”  

“I’m sorry, I know I was an ass out there.”

“Do you or did Sam tell you that you were?”  

“Both.” Bucky replied, skeptical but also hopeful. You were talking.  

“I don’t like the field and you know that. But I didn’t tell you that so that you could second guess my ability to be out there. You and Sam were in infinitely more danger than I was but that is why I was there. To prevent that danger from turning into something worse. I built that system...I spent months perfecting it and to have you act like you didn’t need my help. What if something happened? If you didn’t listen and something happened? How selfish of you!” You shouted.  

“I didn’t want to make you feel like that I was just annoyed that you had to be out there. I didn’t want you to be.”

“But I was.”  

“I’m sorry.” Bucky sighed, hand going through his hair once more, “I’m just sorry. That I made you feel like I thought you didn’t belong out there. I don’t love you being out there but I know you’re more than qualified. And I won’t underestimate you next time.”

“I just want you to communicate with me next time and not embarrass me in front of Sam or anyone else. I don’t always love what you do but I certainly trust you to do your job well and come home at the end of the night.” You shut your computer and pushed it aside so Bucky could sit on the bed with you. He took your hand in his as you placed a kiss on his shoulder. “I hate fighting with you.”

-

taglist: @thinkingsofamadwoman @mixedwiththemoon @titty-teetee  @queenmissfit @marvelismylifffe @iluvmesomemarvelndc @absentmindeduniverse @his-paradox @medievalfangirl @glopsifum @my-life-as-a-fangirl @gigilame @mysticthinking @real-fbi @thats-so-rhyan  

[kyotakumrau]

2020.04.16 BARKS interview with Hazuki

Hazuki talks about the feelings behind the plan to support music venues; songs to record were decided as well

interview and text: You Masuda

original interview can be seen here

translation: kyotaku (if you see any mistakes or typos pls let me know(*' ')*, ,))

The frontman of lynch., Hazuki. He just wrote about his plan on twitter using a hashtag #savemusicvenues on March 30th. Due to the rapid spread of COVID-19 many music venues were pushed into the situation where they cannot operate and an unreasonable trend started that they started to be seen as evil places, thus the band have decided to write a new song and donate and divide the profits between music venues. Below is the summary of the message Hazuki sent on that day:

"Looking at current turmoil, I started to think if there's nothing I can do to help and decided to take action. First, I'm working on a song now. When that song is completed it will be sold right away. And the profits from that song will be donated and distributed between the live houses where lynch. played at! We are currently discussing how we will sell the song or how to distribute the profits with our office and the recording company. We will announce the details when things are decided. Of course we ask our fans, but not only them, even if you're not a fan, everyone saved by a live house, please lend us your strength. Let's save our precious spaces."

Three days after that, on April 2nd I talked to Hazuki. Conducting an interview would likely not be seen as 'leaving the house unnecessarily', but mindful of the situation we decided to do the interview over the phone. There were some changes even over that little time that passed until the day of the interview and I received the demo which seemed to be the very early stage recording. The song was crowned with the title 'DON'T GIVE UP' even though there's not even one word of lyrics yet. When the readers can see the interview a week will pass by then, but I'd like to convey Hazuki's feelings from that point of time. I'm sure he will update us about the situation with the song's progress through his twitter etc, but this the very first interview about the birth of the song.

#ライブハウスを守ろう・savemusicvenues

――Something I want to talk about first. It feels really weird to be interviewing you through the phone even as we both are in Japan.

葉月：Right? It feels like I'm a foreign celebrity (laughing).

――You have first made the announcement on twitter on March 30th. Obviously there had to be some chance to discuss [the situation] that led to that stage, right?

葉月：Yeah. I was meeting with two staff members on Friday afternoon (March 27th), and naturally talk like this came up 'COVID-19 is worse than anyone thought' 'I never expected it to get to this point', and that led to the 'should I start working on a song in a response to the virus?'. Saying that, at the moment basically I have a lot of free time (laughing).

――No way (laughing). But the truth is in this situation there's no way you can play any concerts.

葉月：Yeah. Gradually my schedule got more and more cancellations. I had nothing else to do, so I thought why not create a song that can only be made right now. Then we discussed if the profits could be used to support the medical system or to help distribute masks. Then, an idea came out if we wouldn't be able to do something for the closer to us music venues ('live houses'). Actually, the idea came from the staff. Then it just clicked and we decided to start this movement. It's not a lot of hard work to create and record one song, and it's not like I didn't have some song ideas.

――You have just released a new album 'ULTIMA' in March, but you mean that you you still had some song ideas?

葉月：Yeah. Next I'll make a song like this, had something like that in my mind. Then, [we were planning] if I give shape to this one and made all profit into donation like this... . But if it's only us doing one project like that it'll be hard (not enough), so I thought it would help if other artists were also aware 'ah, there's this way too'. For example, I'm tweeting now using a hashtag #ライブハウスを守ろう (#savemusicvenues), but it's not like this is the only way of using it.

――So you mean it'd be better to have more projects for the same purpose?

葉月：Yeah. I hope that things can move into the direction of helping music venues thanks to this, and of course, we are also actually helping ourselves. When the current situation is over and we are able to play shows again, what would we do if there are no more venues?

――That's true. For lynch., first your 3 shows planned for mid March were cancelled. And then the next tour was supposed to start from April 18th, but...

葉月：All events planned for April are gone. I'm also aware that it's very likely for May and onwards events to be cancelled. But we are still preparing for the tour, actually other members are doing a rehearsal right now. So we could resume activities anytime.

(kyotaku: most of their act5 tour dates until July 5th were indeed cancelled, which was announced on April 17th)

――So while you were doing tour preparations you decided to start this new project writing a song. , I'll be frank, I wonder if you got any criticism coming from making this decision. It's not something talked about a lot, but people will have different opinions on such activity. There are some people who will think that no matter what happens to wait silently doing nothing is the wisest option.

葉月：Probably. But I didn't want to be idle and just wait for the situation to settle down, and it seems so far we didn't get any fierce criticism or anything (laughing). Actually, I got thousands replies to that tweet but only about two were negative (laughing). I wouldn't be able to start anything if I was worried about things like that. I mean, sure we don't have like a shocking number of hardcore fans, but at the very least there's this small [music] world connected by the comradeship. But being able to get those people's approval immediately made me extremely happy, not worrying about criticism is nice, or actually I don't care (laughing). More practical side is to care that the final form of the release is still not fixed, but I wanted to announce that 'lynch. will be doing a project like this!'. I'd be glad if people can get even a bit of hope from that. And I thought that the process from now on would be more interesting by announcing it before the song is made. We could enjoy the process and get exicted together with updates like 'oh, the demo is ready!' or 'we're finally recording!'.

――I get it. So by the detailed updates about the process until the release people will be able to enjoy it like an ongoing documentary.

葉月：That's right. By doing that I wanted to get everyone involved so I wanted to make the announcement early. But even after the decision was made I had to wait for three days (laughing)

(kyotaku: this tweet omg😆)

――You must have been impatient these 3 days (laughing). Also, we just mentioned it earlier, but it's not only about lynch.'s action, I think it's important to see 'what can everyone do?'.

葉月：True. If it's only us the amount we will be able to donate will be very insignificant. I'd like to see the number of people who agree and try to do something increase.

――But you actually already got some requests/offers to join the project, right?

葉月：Yup. From engineers, photographers, recording studios and so on. Everyone was saying 'let me take part in it, I don't need payment!'. Bless them. I also got contacted by other artists. But this time we will be working on the song in Nagoya, so I'm still not sure what will come out of that.

――But nowadays people just send each other data using internet.

葉月：That's true. That way some people would be able to participate. But I can't say anything definite.

――Including these points, by the time we can listen to the finished song we will also get to know real time how it is evolving. And I got to listen to the demo as a perk of conducting this interview. As you said on twitter, 'it's not a ballad thats bringing everyone together', I'd say the song is the opposite!

葉月：Hahaha! Even as something like 'we are the world' would be better for this occasion (laughing). Usually it tends to be something like that, right? But we do what we do, we decided to go with something pure and feeling good but heavier.

――Demo had the title 'DON'T GIVE UP'. Will lyrics include this message?

葉月：Yeah. I haven't written lyrics yet, I guess it's time to start worry about that (laughing). In various ways many people are in a difficult situation right now, but this seemed like something common for all of them, like the best message to sent to everyone, it just came to me. It's quite unusual for lynch. as we had nothing to do with message-ness so far (laughing). Usually I'm not the type to have something to pass through lyrics.

――I guess it's a situation that makes you deliberately want to raise your voice. So, are you working on the song right now?

葉月：To be honest, we've done the demo for 'DON'T GIVE UP' yesterday, right now I'm working on another song. Actually, it won't be just one song, we will include two more songs. One of them will be 'A GLEAM IN EYE', now I'm processing the data for it.

――You're re-recording it, right? Will it change a lot?

葉月：Nah, I don't think so. But it's been recorded 10 years ago so listening to it now sound quality-wise it's a bit bleak. We're going to improve that side, there's no plan to rearrange it. Ever since it was released that song had an important role during our concerts as a 'strong light', I hope to deliver it to the heart of fans who lost the light in the current turmoil. As there are such feelings included we want to re-record it with as little changes as possible.

――So you will update the song to the 2020 version without changing it shape. And the other song will be an unreleased song?

葉月：Yeah. Originally, this song from Yusuke-kun was supposed to be included in ULTIMA, we decided to use it [in this project]. Initially, we were planning only one song, "DON'T GIVE UP", but Yusuke was worried that with only one song the price would have to be low and we wouldn't be able to raise much money so he suggested 'what about using my song?' and we agreed with him. And we decided to add that song and 'A GLEAM IN EYE'.

――So instead of only one song we can be excited like about an upcoming single. From now on I will be observing the process these 3 songs will go through until they're completed. By the way, when you adressed people on twitter you wrote 'everyone saved by live houses', do you also feel like you were saved by music venues?

葉月：Honestly I don't have a cool story like 'I could only be myself as a teenager at music venues' (laughing). It can't be argued that for us they are also our workplaces. Playing a concert is also a part of work. However, every and each band had the rough time in the beginning when their shows were not selling, in our case somehow we managed to get to this point [of being relatively successful], but the place where we spent all this long process were music venues. So our 'curent place' would be impossible without music venues, and of course we can't allow them to disappear. If there's something you can do you just have to do it. It's simple as that.

Release information:

lynch.'s single to support music venues

title：not decided yet

DON’T GIVE UP（new song）

WALTZ（new song）

A GLEAM IN EYE（re-recorded）

＊other information will be announced at later date

[all-hail-the-witcher]

2 years ago today i made this blog

and now im going to get sappy about it

“And they wondered how long I could keep it up / While I wondered if I'd ever, if I'd ever get enough / And I did some shit I never should've done  / I would do it over now, I'd do it over

Shout out to the old me and everything you showed me / Glad you didn't listen when the world was trying to slow me / No one could control me, left my lovers lonely / Had to fuck it up before I really got to know me / All of the mistakes I made, I made, I made, I made / Whatever the price I paid, I paid, I paid, I paid / Shout out to the old me and everything you showed me / Had to fuck it up before I let you get to know me”

two years ago I created this blog. It was the summer going into my senior year of high school. I had planned to hold off making a tumblr account until I got to college, but on this particular night I said “fuck it” and made one. I told myself that I was doing it to see if people would read my writing. I hadn’t shared pretty much anything id written with anyone since middle school and at that point I was considering majoring in creative writing. I had just come up with the idea for spies and wanted to share it with people. I wanted to see if the people who told me I was a good writer were right.

and that's all well and true but recently i realized that there was another reason i made this blog: i was lonely. 

the pressure of my senior year of high school made me crack. on paper i was the perfect student, honors societies and aps and college scholarships and all that. but as i trekked from college to college, audition to audition, and did my homework almost exclusively in the backseat of a car, i found myself breaking. to put it mildly, the 17 year old who made this blog was nothing short of an asshole. 

unfortunately as a middle schooler i latched onto a fictional character from the mortal instruments: Jace herondale. Jace is an asshole, a terrible person who uses sarcasm as his defense mechanism and projects his trauma onto others. he doesn’t care who he hurts. he doesn’t let himself get close to people because he’s afraid he’s going to hurt them. throughout the series he eventually fixes himself and learns from his mistakes, but I didn’t want that Jace, I wanted book 1 Jace.

he tells this story in the beginning and he ends it with this line that has always stuck with me: “the boy never cried again and he never forgot what he’d learned: that to live is to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed”

as my senior year went on i found myself becoming more and more like jace. i pushed people away, stopped talking to pretty much all my friends, and developed an aversion to using the word love. literally. i didn't particularly care who i took down with me or who i hurt in the process because i would be leaving for college and wouldn't have to see anyone ever again. real sound logic that was.

but i still had this blog, this stupid blog that i was never supposed to make. I had the fear of strangers on the internet burned into me as a kid, so I was very very hesitant to do much of anything on this blog except post fan fiction. but as I got more into the fandom, I broke that promise and I started talking to people. all kinds of people, in messages in asks in threads, it didn’t matter. and it made me happy, or as close to happy as i got. i loved talking to people on here, fic planning, posting about dumb shit, writing crack fics, just having fun. and then my blog started getting really big really quickly (something I never have and still don’t understand. what’s so cool about this dump of a blog? please someone tell me) and i found myself wanting to be a better version of myself online.  I know it didn’t happen that way all the time. there were many times were I was rude or sarcastic or attention seeking or just a bitch in general on here. but this blog made me want to be better. I wanted to be the person people who followed me thought I was.

at points, this blog was all I had. it was weird, knowing there were people who followed me cared about me, even though I had never met any of them. and that strange feeling of wanting to keep going for my blog held me together for a long time. 

obviously im no longer in high school anymore (and thank fuck for that). but recently I realized that I hadn’t actually changed and I was still the same shitty person I had become during the last year of high school, I’d just gotten better at hiding it. i didn't know who i was or who i wanted to be. it was daunting to begin to fix all my many mistakes irl so i started with this blog, making subtle changes on here, allowing myself to be more open, not as short with people, trying to avoid sarcasm all together. and once i was able to do that, it bled over into my real life. 

its been a few months of that, and i think im finally starting to like myself as a person again. I feel like I’ve changed. I’m more comfortable with myself. I’m not as much of a bitch anymore. I’m not the person I was before, but I don’t want to be that person. I’ve found pieces of my old self along this journey, but I’ve also found pieces of my new self. for the first time in a really long time, I’m happy. none of that would have happened without this damn blog. 

I never expected for this blog to become what it is. firstly, I never expected to have 856 followers. that’s so many people. what in the h e l l?? I never expected people to read a single fucking thing that I wrote. and people have. and they’ve enjoyed them?? that’s wild to me. 

but mostly, I never expected this blog to slap some sense into my stupid self. I don’t know where I would be without this blog, and I can say that honestly. over the last two years it’s been an escape, it’s given me purpose, and its been a reminder that I can fix myself. its not the only thing thats helped me though this mess, but it’s been one of the major components. I’m not perfect yet, I know that, but I know I’m better than when I started this blog 2 years ago. 

id also like to apologize to anyone on here that i was ever rude to, or hurt with anything i might have said or done. im sorry that the old me didn't understand or care what she was doing. ill do my best to make sure it doesn't happen again. 

so thank you to everyone who follows this blog, who’s on my taglist, who’s ever sent me an ask or a dm, and to everyone I ever talked to on here. thank you for reading this mess of a post. it means more to me than you will ever know. i know i hardly ever get sappy on here, but i wanted you all to know what this blog has come to mean to me. I love you all so much. thank you for inspiring me to pick myself back up.