#but was his response or reaction abusive? i disagree

[fluffypotatey]

I was thinking about macaque being able to see his wukong bonds pre divorce, and I think it would have just resulted in a more codependent macaque. Like if he could see the string, he would have more likely stayed through mountain wukong's abusive speeches. Never stand up for himself, trying to remind himself they are fated. And wukong would have taken him even more for granted bc macaque would put up with anything

ok i kinda disagree with you a little, anon

codependency? yeah 100% that just gets worse if pre-JTTW!macky saw the strings. because, as much as the string confirm his desire and yearning, it will not change SWK’s own actions and everything that transpires in-canon will happen. Macky will still be left alone, he will still feel betrayed and ignored, he will still fight with swk under the mountain (tho maybe the fight will be worse. maybe he will reveal too much or say worse things he doesn’t mean but will haunt swk further in his life)

the thing is, anon, even with the codependency, i don’t think that will make Macky more reticent. swk trusts him for a reason and Macky trusts swk long before the Brotherhood. we have seen that Macky is more confident in giving his doubts to swk when it’s between the two of them and while swk does, on the surface, brush them off, he still listens.

the only issue is that swk is very confident in his prowess and believes he knows what he is doing, because his goal (according to lmk canon) was to protect the people he loved which are his monkey subjects in ffm. the further up the power ladder he goes equaled protection and safety for his subjects. he is the Monkey King, earned his title by jumping through a waterfall, yes, but he earned it nonetheless and will prove himself worthy.

which is why Macky’s doubts about confronting the Jade Emperor conflict with SWK’s plans with the Brotherhood. and why swk will brush Macky’s worries away (also, remember Mac’s heavily outnumbered in his dissent since everyone else endorsed and encourages SWK’s confidence bc they view him as their key to victory). but the reason why Macky will stay is still the same for in-canon but just strengthens Macky’s confidence to speak on his doubts more. he has the proof tied around his finger, so why wouldn’t it encourage him to try and make swk understand the danger that comes with fighting against Heaven?

so, yes, the red string will add more angst point to Macky’s heart because he sees the strings as proof that this connection means something. that he is so much more to swk than a subject or brother in arms. however, I also think the string will make Macky more bitter than he already is because the string did not change anything. it doesn’t make SWK’s words any different and it doesn’t change the timeline at all. all it does is tell Macky that they have a connection bound by fate, and he will love it in the beginning but grow to resent it as swk ignores his caution because what is proof if it can do nothing?

[longing-for-rain]

what exactly is Aang's toxic masculinity that you're talking about? there are no examples of such behavior on his part in the show. he is not an ideal person, he is a child who sometimes behaved incorrectly, just like all the other children in the show (Katara, Toph, Sokka), and this is normal.

in addition, we see how he regrets some of his wrong actions and gets better, while Zuko does not regret his toxic behavior, doesn't apologize and doesn't face the consequences of his behavior (racist jokes about Aang, demands that Katara forgive him as if he has the right to her forgiveness, an attack on Aang to "teach him a lesson" and many other things).

Hi anon, thanks for the ask! This is a very good illustration of what I was talking about in this post when I mentioned that I feel toxic men are overlooked more often for appearing “nice” than they are for being conventionally attractive.

No examples of toxic behavior in the show? What do you call this then?

I know what I (and the law) call it:

But you see, he’s “nice” right? This is just a misbehaved child, as you put it? Yah, no. He knew better and still did it because he was possessive; this whole interaction started because he was jealous that an actress playing Katara was interested in men other than him. And the show proceeded to frame the situation in a way that made Aang sympathetic, despite being the aggressor and the one behaving irrationally. How much more “toxically masculine” can you get than that? But he put on a flower crown once so we’re supposed to think he’s a soft uwu feminine boi (even though he was absolutely enraged that a female actress played him).

I also find it very interesting that you describe Katara and Sokka as “children” while Zuko is omitted from that list despite being the same age. Are you admitting you agree he’s more mature, or are you admitting that you hold him to different standards?

But, anyways. You asked about toxic behavior on Aang’s part, which I’ll get further into now that the most egregious example is out of the way.

Let’s break down what you consider unforgivably toxic behavior on Zuko’s part and compare it to Aang’s behavior in similar situations.

1. “Racist” jokes

I’m guessing this is made with reference to the “Air Temple preschool” comment. How exactly is this racist? In context, Aang is the one trying to force his beliefs on others, and Zuko makes this comment to a) tell him to back off and b) point out that Aang is, in fact, a child who doesn’t have any business telling Katara how to feel.

This point is particularly interesting to me, because it implies that the simple fact that Zuko doesn’t agree with the philosophy of Aang’s culture makes him racist. By this logic, Aang is also racist against Katara’s culture, because he clearly disagrees with her philosophy and is openly telling her that his culture is morally virtuous over hers. And well. That’s even more believable considering Aang’s previous reactions to Water Tribe culture.

Ah, yes. Playing with a cultural artifact like it’s a toy because you were upset about not being the center of attention for once, and telling everyone how disgusting you think cultural food is, what great ways to show the supposed love of your life how much you respect her culture!

I know your response to this point would be something like “uwu but he’s a kid he didn’t knowww” ok well. The same logic can be applied to any alleged “racism” on Zuko’s part.

2. “Demanding” forgiveness

Zuko: What can I do to make it up to you?

Ah, yes. How demanding of him. He’s clearly so self-centered and only thinking about his own values and agenda here.

It’s not like he…

…told his friend how she’s allowed to process her grief and try to impose his own morals…

…or demanded to know if his crush liked him back, wouldn’t accept “no” as an answer, and forced a kiss on her…

…or told an abuse victim he was wrong to want to kill his abusive father for trying to commit a genocide…

…oh, um. Yeah. Sorry, but after actually watching the show it’s very clear to me which character doesn’t seem to regret or see the flaws in any of his actions at the end of the show, which is when all of these examples took place.

3. Training in the finale

“Attacking Aang to teach him a lesson” … wow, that’s a very dishonest way of phrasing that situation. I’m impressed, I have to say. I’ve seen lots of dumb takes from Aang stans over the years but this is a new one.

Well, luckily I actually watched the scene in context, so my reaction was the same as all the other characters’ reactions in canon when they learned the context behind this “attack”:

They agree with him. Yeah. Obviously, when nobody is taking training seriously when the world is about to literally go up in flames, you might need to do something to get their attention.

“But it was dangerous!” you might argue. Well… yeah. When magic and bending is in the equation, training in the Avatar universe has been shown to be somewhat dangerous at times. As an example, from this very same episode, Toph very nearly smashed Sokka with a giant flaming rock. That was way closer to hurting someone than Zuko was in this incident. If you’re going to fault characters for making their training exercises too dangerous, I guess Toph is mega cancelled.

Now back to Aang. What was his reaction in this situation? How did he react to the end of the world being days away? He ran away with absolutely no plan. Just like he did at the very beginning of the show.

I mean, think about it. This is a critical flaw (and toxic trait) in Aang that is literally never addressed, because he starts and ends the show the exact same way: he’s faced with a problem, he runs away from it, then he’s saved by an in-universe equivalent of an Act of God. Wowie, such great character development. Not fixing your core flaw and having a mythical plot device materialize into existence to solve your problems for you. Aang’s whole arc is a big blah, because the writing fails to address any of his flaws or have him meaningfully question any of his values.

Meanwhile, Zuko has consistently been a fan favorite because he’s the opposite. His flaws are meaningfully addressed, he does admit he’s wrong and fix his flaws, and his character shows a critically acclaimed change throughout the show. His arc is written so well that despite being a cartoon character, Zuko is widely considered the poster child for a good redemption arc across all forms of media.

So anyways, miss me with the double standards… there is a reason why Zuko is the fan favorite, and it’s not just his abs 🔥

[meanbossart]

Okay but I would love to hear your thoughts on the other spawn

Twirling my hair shifty-eyeing to the side OKAAAYYYYY WELL IF YOU INSIST 🛀

(This is a continuation of this post where I go into some detail about my thoughts on Dalyria, Violet, and Leon ((or "Leonard" as I apparently dubbed him as by mistake))

Let me start with the one I love the most after my sweet well-meaning-child-murdering-doctor Dalyria: Pale Petras.

First of all, just look at this fucking guy. What a goober.

I pretty explicitly go off-canon when it comes to my theories about Petras. According to him, he has been with Cazador for a hundred years - I find that very, very difficult to believe. Whether I would scrap that line entirely or just tack it as hyperbole is irrelevant - though he does seem to have a knack for the dramatics, or at least he tries to.

Petras immediately strikes me as a newcomer in the group. He's the most lively out of the spawn we chat with and seems to still retain what is a pretty strong, bold personality. He's antagonizing towards Astarion and pretty much sides with Cazador up until his life is on the line - and, most interestingly to me, his immediate reaction after being freed if you instruct them to lead the spawn into the Underdark seems to be one of fear and reluctance, unlike Dalyria who almost immediately takes the responsibility upon herself and seems warm towards Astarion and the player for what they've done.

Abusive relationships don't start abusive. If you've ever been friends with someone who's hooked up with a known serial abuser, chances are that you have had to sit through their attempts at justifying their behavior as foretold by previous partners - "oh, they just weren't a good match", "they both enabled abuse towards each other", "his ex was just crazy, man." This honeymoon period can last anywhere from a few weeks, to several years - until said friend inevitably finds themselves in the exact same cycle that said ex escaped from.

That's Petras. Petras is fresh meat. He's compliant. He's gullible. As a human in a world where you're surrounded by races that live up to several hundreds of years, he's attributed power to longevity - he loves being a spawn. He loves knowing that he will never lose his youthful looks and that his newly-acquired "curse" makes him desirable in it's own, odd way. He thinks this gig is easy - go out, get laid, get fed, rinse and repeat. Sure, sometimes there's a misunderstanding and he gets his joints broken or nails ripped out, but whatever! They grow back! To a vampire with powers of regeneration, dismemberment and scalping might as well be equivalent to ten belt-smacks to the backside just like his father used to give him as a child. Plus, it's never really his fault - If Master knew the truth, he would never set his goons on him at all!

And Oh, he adores Cazador. Not as a friend, a lover, or even a family member - but an aspiration. He sincerely believes that through hard work and resilience he can one day also have his status and fortune. And it shouldn't even be hard to stand out among this angsty little crew - what are they so bent out of shape about, anyway If they spent less time moping and more time working, maybe they wouldn't have such a tough time. Especially -

Astarion.

While it is likely incidental, I find it very ironic that Petras was put in Astarion's early-access outfit. And much less accidental than that: his mannerism and word-choice are a blatant imitation of Astarion's behavior. The flair, the flirting, the flattering and the abrasiveness; I've heard it theorized that this must be how all of the spawn act - I disagree. Petras is the only one we see exhibit that type of demeanor. I think he actively models himself after Astarion because as thick as he might be, he did catch onto the fact that his master has a particular interest in the white-haired elf.

And, of course, Petras hates Astarion for it. He sees him as someone who could have had it all, but gave up on it in favor of being bitter, angry, and naively wistful over his lost life. He has the looks, he has the charm, he had his master's favor, they go out and Petras watches men and women alike swoon over him and laugh at his shitty jokes, to then return home with a long-faced, bratty little shit-head of a toddler-man who would never even understand what the paralyzing loom of mortality is like in the first place - an ungrateful, nepotistic bastard whose had it all handed over to him by daddy, who was loved and fed and given a well-paid job fresh off his teens - but now he has to put a little work in. Now he has to do things that he might find unpleasant. And all he fucking does is whine about it.

Astarion is the personification of everything Petras ever wanted to be before being turned into a spawn, and he accidentally wears it on his sleeve day in and day out. I have no doubt that Astarion is blatantly aware of that fact and it makes his skin crawl - but Dalyria tells him that Petras is too young. Too new. Cut him some slack.

And frankly, I don't think he's evil, either. He strikes me as naive and star-striken. I don't know how long he's been with the Szarrs for, but certainly the light in his eyes would eventually fade over time and he would have had all the zest beaten out of him, same as the others. But, for now - he just doesn't know his own luck.

Admittedly, I have much less to say about Yousen and Aurelia. We don't hear as much as a word out of Yousen, but I've chosen to read the silence of and about his character as indicative that, maybe, he was able to hold onto his sanity and honor the best out of all of them. He had to do what he had to do to survive, but he did it while attempting to withhold any standards allowed to him for his own peace of mind - I like to imagine he had a lot of sincere empathy for all of the spawn, and, while they were never close, him and Astarion exchanged sincere words about their situation a few times during their stay at the palace; just enough to remind the elf that he wasn't alone, but never so much that Yousen would intrude into his space, or add strain to his already fragile state of mind.

And Aurelia... She strikes me as so young and already so beaten. I'd wager that what was once a sweet tiefling girl is now a terrified animal who does absolutely whatever she can to avoid pain and punishment - the snitch of the group, the reluctant ass-kisser, the one who desperately clings to any relief in whatever form it may come - be her master's approval or the shoulder of a sibling she has damned to the kennel more than once out of fear for her own life. Everybody has been hurt, betrayed, and irritated by her - but she's just so god damn pitiful that they can't push her away forever. While she would live, I believe she would have the hardest time adapting to freedom after Violet - just completely dependent on others and burdened by what she's had to do.

[themildestofwriters]

Elain Week, I gotta ask, and this is a genuine question: Does this mean Feyre, Rhysand, Cassian, Nesta, Father Archeron, Mother Archeron, among others aren't being officially endorsed alongside Tamlin and Beron by this event? Or... what? What's the criteria a character needs to fulfil before they're officially soft-banned from this appreciation week?

I've seen many express that they found Feyre's behaviour in WAR triggering, discomforting, one going as far as to label it "retaliatory abuse." Rhysand is a contentious character because of his torture and sexual abuse of Feyre in ACOTAR, and we all know how controversial his actions in ACOSF were. I know people who have called Cassian's treatment of Nesta in ACOSF abusive (alongside her treatment by the wider Inner Circle). We know for certain that people consider Nesta abusive, too, for her actions during Feyre's childhood. Of course, people can disagree about whether these characters are abusive, but that doesn't erase the fact that people do genuinely have visceral reactions to these characters.

Will these people's comfort be taken into account or not? If not, why not? Must these characters be classified as abusive by the author to count? If so... why? If this is truly about making this event as comforting and safe for fans to enjoy Elain content, why aren't these characters soft-banned from the event?

Would it not be a better idea to just let the participants and viewers of this event self-regulate? Maintain that all entries into the event be tagged correctly and implore those who find certain characters discomforting to block those tags? We're all adults. Should we not be responsible for what content we engage with?

This is ACOTAR. If you're old enough to read it, you're old enough to deal with a character you find discomforting being portrayed in a positive manner. And Elain isn't real. You're not respecting her by soft-banning Tamlin from the event, especially not if you allow her to be depicted with others who have abused, and have even abused her sisters at that. It's low-key insulting, really.

[doylldonmagar]

So I saw @hermesmyplatonicbeloved 's post and had some thoughts. I agree and disagree. I am a percabeth fan but I also know that some of it is screwy, and if you are familiar with my blog, you know this. I think RR screwed up and wrote out a LOT of trauma, I think he really should have dealt with that better. I think it's not good that he wrote trauma and mental issues and abuse into the foundation of many characters and then has ignored it when it became convenient for the plot.

I would love to see specific quotes and books for these because some of them I have no memory of and would like to revisit them.

I'm gonna talk my way through all of this so I'm gonna text break here

The first point is Percy scaring her to tears. I can only imagine in Tartarus? Like when they're both in their worst state? I don't know. I agree they should have talked about it, but I think they should have talked about all of HoH, which brings me back to saying: Rick really failed at dealing with trauma and processing and long term effects. Honestly, being scared *of* him, yeah I agree that's bad, but is that the situation? If she's scared by his power, then I'm not sure of where I stand on this, I don't know anyone with demigod powers, but I don't think I'd be scared simply because I know someone is capable of hurting me. Plenty of people are capable of hurting me. Like I don't know, what situation is this?

"Percy has been suicidal the whole time annabeth has known him, in BoO Percy attempts suicide and annabeth said nothing, noticed nothing" I'd really like a page or quote because i remember him being suicidal but never attempting. (Im rereading what i wrote, is this maybe referring to percy deciding it would be better if he drowned when hes with Jason? If so, I thought the book said annabeth wasn't told that he wanted to give up) But really my bigger issue with this statement is the fact that it's not necessarily a bad relationship just because a person doesn't realize someone is suicidal, or if their suicidal thoughts are fluctuating. If he's been suicidal the entire time she's known him, how should she know? And why is it the girlfriend's job to stop him from suicide? Like yeah she should care, but that's not her responsibility. No one should feel responsible for a significant other's suicide unless they encouraged the SO to do it.

The judo flip, I agree, annabeth should have been more sensitive to Percy's past and again, I blame Rick for conveniently forgetting that an abused kid is not going to laugh or even take well to being thrown on the ground. This also reminds me of a post I made a while back, because I was so frustrated by media portrayals of women getting upset (usually worried) about another character and shaking them or hitting them or using some form of violence, and that's portrayed as acceptable and normal and as a sign of love. I'm not a fan of that.

"Annabeth likes to keep percy on his toes" this point, I want specific quotes, cause I'd like to go over it again. I agree this is funky. Percy says he feels more comfortable with annabeth and feels like he can talk to her blah blah, but yeah, I think I remember him saying she makes him anxious and that's a problem for me. Like genuinely, to anyone who reads this: if your SO makes you feel uncomfortable, anxious, nervous, or unsafe, please reevaluate your relationship and be safe. That's not good. And back to percabeth, I'm really not sure why RR would say that.

Bringing up abusive stepfather. If annabeth didn't already know about Gabe...I don't know, that says to me that percy was too traumatized to talk about it, in which case, why can annabeth see it in his actions, his comments, his reactions? I don't know that either. But I do know that having met my fair share of traumatized kids, it's not at all uncommon for them to share trauma as a joke and for multiple kids to laugh it off, not to mention suicidal jokes or jokes about their own abuse. Now I want to be clear, I'm not saying that's healthy, I think that's bad, but I also think it's common. And if annabeth doesn't realize what he's really talking about, or is caught up in her own experience, or is uncomfortable, laughing is not an uncommon response. And I don't think that makes their relationship toxic. (And I'm saying it again: I think Rick wrote that so that people could say oh poor percy and feel strongly about how horrible the situation is, but he didn't want to get into the trauma, so by annabeth laughing it off, he can move on with the scene but include little details that show how bad tartarus is)

I don't remember any comments about poseiden, but I agree her interactions with Tyson are problematic. I have zero explanation or excuse, I really don't know what rick was thinking with that, unless it was maybe a way to signify how all halfbloods feel about monsters? (Now that I've said that, that kinda makes sense, if percy sees a monster who was his human friend, but everyone else just sees a monster who is just like the other monsters who have killed their siblings. But still. Annabeth saying he was gross was uncalled for, Rick could have said she was scared or concerned this was a trick or something, but disgust?)

I agree about Percy's unresolved trauma manifesting as fear of annabeth. I already commented on the judo flip, see comments above.

Percy absolutely has horrible self asteem. I'm not sure that's annabeths problem. Yeah she should support him in every way she can, but it's not her responsibility or anyone else's to make him feel better about himself. She should want to, and she should be positive and encouraging, but I don't think Percy's lack of growth is her problem or necessarily a sign of a toxic relationship. It can be, but I'm not certain it is in this case. I think, as I'm sure you know if you've read this much, Rick doesn't know how to write characters who are further along in their trauma- processing, healing, discussing- rick fails to deal with anything besides a currently traumatized kid and a unresolved but out of the directly abusive situation. (This is where I'd like to note, the whole seaweed brain thing, not funny to me, not cute. I'm not a fan because I do think that encourages negative self image. I am aware that that could be link to annabeths childhood, but again, I would expect her to be hyperaware of this sort of emotional abuse. And I blame Rick. Why does she never have her actual abuse mentioned?)

I don't recall annabeth pushing percy to choose between them. I would have said she had doubts about him still wanting to go to CA and he said that he regretted not being there for Estelle but didn't want to be without annabeth (which is kinda cute, kinda codependent to me, and I agree, codependency is not cute)

I would argue the last point "Percy has no interest in going to New Rome or University" is clearly false. In SoN (2nd book of HOO) Percy discovers there are full families living in New Rome, and how it's safe there, and he says multiple times that he wants that, how he remembers he had a girlfriend named annabeth and he wants her to be there and wants to be able to settle down *there*. And in ChaliceotG he's torn, because he does want to stay in New York for his mom and sister, but he really wants to be with annabeth and he loves new Rome. He says multiple times how he wants to go to New Rome. Its true, if the only reason he wants to go is for annabeth, that's a bit funky. But new Rome is the safest place for demigods, and he's been in wars for years, of course he wants that. And wanting to be out of school- okay? New Rome isn't just about the university, not to mention the New Rome university is focused on kids with dyslexia and adhd, obviously. So it will be tailored to him, his struggles are understood, accepted, and aided. Who wouldn't see the appeal in that?

And finally, I agree, that if a character or couple is going to have broad reach, they should be healthy. That's a problem i have with Colleen hoover and all her toxic relationships that have a large audience and are so loved by that audience. And back to this, I hate that the pjo hoo couples are so focused on in the books because fans always pay attention to the couples, but the focus amplifies them, and I think having a relationship be the main focus of a kids/teen/ya book sets up horrible mindsets, and idolizes relationships and all in all is not good for kids. Percabeth or not, healthy or not, I don't think the emphasis on relationships is good.

I might link some of my other posts that I mentioned or that address similar issues in the reblogs

[writtenicarus]

Why AFTG sucks but doesn't suck

Okay so I swear that will make more sense in a minute. The main point I'm trying to tackle here is why, despite its notable flaws, AFTG "sucks" to other readers but not to its fandom. Trigger warnings for basically every triggering topic in AFTG.

You may realise the majority of people who dislike AFTG have little to no understanding of the characters flaws - and that's because they cannot relate to the characters. They may criticise by saying Andrew is abusive or Nicky is too sexual. But the majority of fans disagree, and here's why. They can relate. Andrew is a victim of rape, child rape, and that is VERY recognised in the story and in his character and whilst many who are unfamiliar with this variation of trauma see his actions as abusive, fans of the series and in some cases victims of it themselves such as myself, see his behaviour as liberation. We see it as him taking back control.

Furthermore, with Nicky, people see his behaviour as creepy. I understand some fans POV is the same but to understand my point of view of the Nicky/Neil I did do an extensive explanation in the past but I want to delve deeper in the future, it's up on my Instagram around July 2022 if you want to read it. Moving on, I do not see it as creepy. His confidence in his sexuality and confidence in himself and his kindness I see as an act of freedom. Nicky is finally away from his abusive household where he was shunned and traumatized for who he was (remember the fact he went to conversion "therapy"??) and now he doesn't have to experience that. He's free. It's so beautiful to see and he is my favourite character. Keeping in mind, he gave up said freedom with Eric to come back and look after the twins, one of which he had never met or heard of.

There are a lot of other examples I could use, but the point is, the majority of people who claim AFTG is simply unrealistic thankfully haven't experienced the trauma many of the fans have who are able to relate to each character. And that's why AFTG will never suck. It can't suck - it's freeing and liberating.

Another thing I'd like to note is why I believe despite MANY flaws Nora is an incredibly intelligent author. So many under-represented groups were heard and targeted in AFTG and one of the reasons why AFTG is so "underground" or disliked away from the fact it's old and self-published is the fact it has such a minute target audience. And considering all things that happen in the book, some may question my phrasing of that so let me explain.

It's not the variations of trauma or events that are minute but the fact and extent of the trauma the characters experience and their reactions to it. All of the foxes are flawed - that's the point. And none of their responses to their trauma are healthy - that's the point.

The foxes can be seen as a representation of the minority of people who respond to their trauma in negative ways and the whole point of the book is to give these people second chances. And that's again why so many feel seen.

To summarize, I just personally believe that without a very self-aware or understanding mindset a lot of the people who cannot relate to either of the foxes simply just won't and did not like this book and even call it problematic. I'm not saying these people are narrow-minded (they are) but if we look at the large minority of readers who disliked the books that's the case and those who could relate but still label it as problematic probably could not understand why the foxes responded the way they did, and that's okay.

[annabtg]

Maybe my standard for bullying is high because I’ve been bullied to a point where my bones were broken had to eat lunch in the restroom to avoid it being thrown out or spit on. I don’t find Snape a victim I think him and his friends got as good as they gave. We didn’t see any of the marauders pov about what happened with Snape, what we did see is Sirius and Remus regret what they did, but Snape never regretted any of it which has tricked people into believing he was a victim and not the perpetrator. What Snape could have done is become a good person and help others who were being bullied, but instead he chose to bully children and make them loath going to his class. If there’s anyone who grew up and learned from their mistakes it was the marauders minus Peter. As a victim of bullying I put everything into studying and I’m way more successful in my career compared to my bullies, and I volunteer to help kids who are going through similar situations. A couple of years ago one of the kids who I was helping turned out to be one of my bullies child, and I didn’t say anything or throw it in their face because I could see the regret in their eyes when they looked at their child. Snape could have done better, but he chose not to because he was a entitled narcissist who needed to grow the fuck up.

(I tried to reply to this last night but was too sleepy.)

Anon!! First of all, I'm so sorry about your experience with bullying 😔 this sounds extremely serious and I hate that you had to go through it!!

I don't disagree with you at all re: Snape. People like to say that "the Marauders started it", but the way I read their first meeting, I think Snape is the one who first starts to escalate. You see how James starts out with the Slytherin comments, and Sirius pipes up, but without taking it personally - they have a good-natured back and forth. It's Snape whose comment carries true malice when Gryffindor is mentioned - "if you'd rather be brawny than brainy". James is an entitled little shit who uses jeering and teasing as conversation starters, but unlike Sirius, who is comfortable with this being a - legit? Definitely common - communication style between boys, Snape is used to the slightest provocation leading to malicious responses and violence, because that's what he's seen in his home. The difference is that James and Sirius are not going to take that lying down.

I think Snape would have become a power-hungry, violent-prone Death Eater regardless of the Marauders' presence or behaviour towards him. His character had developed like that from early on, as we see from his behaviour towards Petunia. If James and Sirius had not engaged him, nothing would have changed in his story - he was aware of his classmates' behaviour towards people like Mary and thought it was "just a laugh". And we know that he didn't use the other Slytherins as his defence against the Marauders, because it's never shown or mentioned by anyone - so he wasn't being a Peter and trying to cater to them. He was his own person and chose to align with them.

Snape lived in domestic abuse and picked up the ways of the abuser, and while he regretted his role in Lily's death, he never learned anything about his behaviour apart from don't be a Death Eater. Which is why his mean and violent behaviour carries over to his teaching - except, of course, he's in a position of power over his students, unlike with the Marauders who were his equals and gave him ground to escalate.

If we view it through a more "modern" lens, Snape needed therapy. But he wasn't going to get it in Wizarding Britain, so he had to make do with what he had, and he didn't have the mental faculties to get over himself. It's "not his fault", but it's also not the Marauders' fault.

Slight tangent but as I was writing this, it came to me that Harry's reaction towards Snape's book parallels Lily's towards Snape. At first - such a smart and talented boy, I like him! Then - he's a little mischievous, but it's all in good fun. And eventually - actually he's mean and has a really dark streak and I want nothing to do with that.

[eleighzabeth]

I've seen a lot of people talking about how Stolas over reacted and jumped the gun with his confession, but no one talking about how, yeah, that was the point.

He was expecting to be turned down. He had hope, but when you're depressed and anxious and lack emotional maturity, no amount of hope will help when you feel your expectations to be hurt have been confirmed.

He spent all day thinking about the worst, and he's already been turned down once.

People are far more likely to continue to believe the negative things they feel about themselves, others, and the world around them, then they'll ever believe something that counters that. I've gone on and on in the past about how this is exactly what happens with homophobia and racism in media. And it's far more true when you're fighting the fucked up way your brain is mis-wired.

In Stolas' eyes, at best Blitz avoided responding by deflecting, and at worse he didn't even take him seriously.

Stolas has proven in the past he's terrible at communicating. He couldn't even finish a sentence with Octavia in episode two, and that's when the other person was open and requesting communication. He's spent probably months working this out.

The abuse he went through with Stella, and the way he was raised without communication at all growing up, means he was never taught to read other people. And with Blitz both trying to hide the way he felt, and reacting harshly, meant Stolas couldn't read him at all. All he had were the words Blitz was using. And they were... not great.

"After everything you put me through you pompous, rich asshole!"

"You royal fucks think you can do this every time, like you can just play with our feelings because we're smaller and not as important!

And those words were so angry. And yeah, I think Blitz meant them, so it makes perfect sense that Stolas believed him. Stolas is a survivor of emotional and physical abuse and neglect. When you've lived through that, you're gonna believe whatever negative things someone's screamed at you.

Honestly, I'm an adult in my 30's who's pretty self assured and confidant in my relationships, but if someone said something like that to me, I'd probably have the same reaction. I don't think I'd wait for them to apologise, and remove myself from that situation, too. Actually that was a pretty mature thing to do, rather than let that situation continue.

I'm sure it'll turn into a huge thing because they're both idiots, but really when emotions are that high and neither of you are communicating well, taking some time apart to feel your feelings and calm down is a good thing to do. It wasn't communicated properly, but that was a boundary that Stolas employed. "You've expressed very negative things about me, so I'm going to remove myself from this situation."

My feelings and thoughts are still incomplete, and I'll have more to say in the future, but I wanted to talk about what I have thought about. Please be kind in your responses. I won't be engaging with anyone who comes at me with negativity [not meaning you disagree, but that you do so unkindly], and thank you for your time.

[betterfettered]

Hello! I hope you’re doing alright! Is it ok if I ask for the brothers’ reaction to their darling dying during childbirth?

Their attitudes towards their darling’s pregnancy is sort of a mixed bag already which makes me wonder, would they obsess over their child and sort of see them as their last piece of darling or would they hate their child and blame them for darling’s death?

Thank you in any case!

Hello hello anon anon! I hope you're staying cool. I have been sweating like a pig since mid may so even wearing makeup is hard because it runs so much.

As I mentioned before I don't have much experience with this topic so I hope you enjoy it. Let me know if you disagree with me, I'd love to hear your thoughts <3 (AFAB!reader x AMAB!yandere)(grief)(child neglect/abuse)(absentee parent)(18+ readers only please, mdni)[Abuse and neglect are inexcusable in real life. Children always deserve a nurturing, loving home where they feel safe and valued.]

Yandere!Lucifer is most likely going to torment his child as a result, unfortunately. Much like how he treated Belphie in the first game, when he's emotionally overwhelmed he falls back on what is proper and what can be considered as respectable as possible. So he'd be strict with the child and want them to exceed what every other child is doing at the time. However, I don't think he can maintain this kind of mentality. It gets to a breaking point with him where he has to honor his emotions, so I think that once it's clear this isn't working and hurting everyone including him he'd be willing to try and reconsider how he's been dealing with your death and the child.

Also, because he would probably be responsible for children in a few of the below scenarios (lolll), he'd be much, much more lenient and caring with a kid that wasn't his and didn't come from the death of his darling. He'd be a good surrogate father, even if he is a little distant.

Yandere!Mammon would be very, very unwell and probably not able to pay much attention to the child. His typical way to cope is either crying or making jokes about it, but he doesn't have enough tears to cry and can't find a way to laugh at you passing. I think it would take him a few years to be able to be consistently present with the child, but when he did he would try to treasure them as a remainder of you.

Yandere!Levi would probably not want anything to do with the child for five or ten years. They are a personification of his own hell, because they took your attention and presence from him just like he knew they would. He would blame them, I think, but once the child started to reflect your habits and your looks, he would be drawn to them and try to be in their life more. He's pretty negative but not necessarily bitter, so when he eventually tries to bond with the child I think he will be caring and sweet.

Yandere!Satan wouldn't voluntarily give up his child but would likely revert to only being able to feel rage, so they would be taken from him by his brothers. He's not emotionally articulate in the first place so trying to express the massive grief of losing you would exceed his capabilities and just become a lot of destructive, painful wrath. Lucifer will likely parent the baby until Satan can calm down -- and who knows how long that will take? -- but once he was able to be with the child, I think he would really, really do as much as he could for them, researching how to parent and what to do at every point. Even if he doesn't have the words for it, he mostly would see the kid as a testament to his love for you so he'd try to love them perfectly. At first he'd probably be too harsh and too strict, but I actually think he'd course correct sooner than Lucifer would.

Yandere!Asmodeus is the least likely, in my opinion, to end up parenting because I think your death would actually break him. Yan Asmo has managed to smooth over every part of your unhealthy relationship with him by ignoring or reinterpreting it through his delusions, but there isn't really a way for him to be delusional about you being dead. I think he'd be very deeply, personally changed, and it's hard to tell if or how he would recover from it. I think that in the case he did recover he'd be so different from the experience that he'd be rebuilding his personality in conjunction with the kid's development. He probably would never be the same old Asmo.

Yandere!Beelzebub is the most likely of all of them to rise to the challenge and stay parenting the child. Duty is really important to him, considering how seriously he takes protecting Lucifer and the other brothers despite that not being his job any more. He has always imagined parenting a family with you, so if you're not around to make that happen it means he needs to work twice as hard at it himself. Of course, he'd struggle with the grief of it, but your memory would be motivating to him.

Yandere!Belphegor would try his hardest to take care of the child, but he likely wouldn't be able to do it all by himself. He's spoiled and not used to doing anything really difficult, so when he gets really overwhelmed by grief he'd have to rely on the others to help him. Because he'd always be doing his best, as the years passed and the grief became easier to handle, he'd be a better and better dad. I think he's the most likely to use it against the child in an argument when they are older, but he would try to apologize almost immediately (and then probably need help to actually properly apologize).

A little somber, but I hope you enjoyed it!

[ilikekidsshows]

Hello, I have a couple Adrien-related questions I'd love to get your thoughts on, if you don't mind? I'll send the other separately, but for now: 1. In your opinion, how does one differentiate between Adrien's trauma response and him more generally being kind, forgiving, etc.? Not to create a false dichotomy, but I figured you might have some interesting insight.

2. At the end of season 5 Adrien is saying things like "Marinette and I are forever" and "I'm angry at myself for falling short of [her] love". I initially interpreted this as a sign that the boy needs therapy, for his own wellbeing (and I mean that in the best way possible). Things like Plagg responding with "forever!?" told me this was intentional, that the writing team is aware and will address it one day. But now I have my doubts, that it's just supposed to be "romantic." Thoughts?

And I'm sorry, but one more thing to add to my second question: they go out of their way to show things beyond his control preventing him from telling Marinette about London (Marinette interrupting him, Chloe interrupting him, etc.). It seems like the narrative isn't really blaming him, then? For struggling to tell her? Unless I misinterpreted. But regardless this was another thing that, at least initially, led me to believe the writers were intentional in writing his trauma response.

—

I’ll preface this by stating that I’m not the originator of the “Adrien’s fawning is a response to abuse” reading, so this might not cover all there is to it, but here’s my take: it's about how Adrien responds specifically to himself being wronged and how it differs from the way he acts in other conflict situations.

I'll use a comparison to illustrate. Adrien doesn't react to Chloé's behavior the same way he does to Gabriel's and Ladybug's. This is the key difference between thinking “Adrien is just nice/forgiving” and “this reaction has been conditioned through abuse”. Adrien can talk back to Chloé, disagree with her vehemently and will hold his ground even when she doesn't want to budge. Adrien also doesn't make excuses for her because he can admit she's in the wrong. Even when Chloé pushes his boundaries, like trying to kiss him, Adrien can enforce said boundaries by pulling away or pushing her back.

Meanwhile, with Gabriel and Ladybug, Adrien doesn't feel safe in arguing back. He used to do so with Ladybug, but the more unreasonable she's become, the more he backs down. Furthermore, even when he doesn't think the way he’s being treated is right, he makes excuses for Gabriel and Ladybug. “My father is busy”, “you were perfect, as you always are” are things Adrien has to tell himself so that he doesn't have to say: “they don't care about how I feel”. Attempting to enforce his own boundaries with these people almost every time leads to those boundaries being crossed anyway, and that's when Adrien bothers to even try.

As for the second part, I’ve been wondering similar things, and the wisemen of the groupchat have come to the consensus that someone in the writing team knows what they're doing, but they have to go with what Astruc wants in terms of the big picture so that the working environment doesn't become unbearable. Astruc ghosted and blocked a friend he liked so much he based a character on them when they agreed with some criticism of the show. Imagine being employed under this man, and trying to tell him his main romance is toxic and both parties need therapy. Yeah.

There are so many throwaway lines in Miraculous that acknowledge how unhealthy and blatantly wrong the things depicted in it are, that the story at large ignores. It honestly feels like someone on staff is sneaking that stuff in to give the audience at least a minor cue that what they're seeing isn't fine even as Astruc insists it is and carries on like it is. So, basically, someone on the writing team is aware of it, but it still won't ever get addressed because Astruc is ignoring the issues.

As for the “things beyond Adrien's control stopping him” part, that's the metaphorical tower. The writers have called Adrien the “princess in the tower”, and the show gets in on this association with the princess/knight Adrinette imagery. Adrien isn't being blamed for the tower he’s trapped in because Marinette will save him. Can't save him from something that's his own fault, so, for once, Adrien doesn't get victim blamed.

[h8ani]

Naruto Reaction to you flinching during a fight

A/N - hello everyone! Sorry if these seemed a bit repetitive, I started having a hard time thinking of 10 different scenarios for this one. Buuuut also it may trigger those slightly if you have ptsd from abusive relationships but nothing explicit! Just the reader flinching and arguing/yelling in this.

Includes - konoha 12 + Sai & Gaara

Naruto: The fighting seemed endless, you were tired and so was he, you could see it all over his face. Naruto’s bags under his eyes were dark, he was tired after a mission and just wanted to sleep. You on the other hand were nagging him like a mother scolding her son which made him even more irritated. He raised his voice which led to you raising yours in defense and the arguing only continued from there. After what felt like hours of yelling at each other, you had enough and walked away from him as he was speaking. 

“Hey I’m talking to you!” Naruto raises his voice and grabs your wrist turning you back to him and one quick motion. He spun you around so fast. You flinched and ripped your hand away from him, stepping back a few steps with wide eyes. 

“Don’t…” you said warily. Naruto looks confused, his eyebrows furrow and he looks at you.

“Did you?” He pauses for a moment. “Did you think I was going to hurt you?” You say nothing and he sighs while taking a step towards you and gently grabbing your hand into his. “I’d never. Get that out of your head immediately okay?”

Sasuke: You know not to poke the bear too many times, you should’ve never poked him to begin with, but it’s not like you meant any harm. He wanted to be left alone and you just wanted to keep checking on him like a doting mother to her son who is cooped up in his room. You were just checking on him, that’s all. It was when he was reading when you spoke again.

“Sasuke did you need-” the sound of his book slamming shut and a raspy yell came shortly after.

“God dammit! What! What do you want?!” He looks at you and slams his book on the table, standing up about to leave. You visibly flinch. Taking a step back to get out of his way, all while tears blur your vision. “Sorry…” you whimper out, frozen where you stand.

Sasuke’s face softens when he sees what just happened before him. “Hey…” he waits for a response but he never gets one. “(Y/N), come here please.” You blink and tears fall down your cheeks, you make your way to him, and he takes your hands in his. “I shouldn’t have raised my voice or lost my temper like that. I’m sorry, please know you never need to be afraid around me, or of me.”

Sai: Sai has never been one to raise his voice at you. Sure, you two have had arguments in the past, but he’s never outright screamed at you. You heard him grumbling to himself in the kitchen when you decided to see what he was doing in there. ”Hey babe, what’s-”

“Fuck!” he screamed, throwing something off of the kitchen table and turning around to be face-to-face with you, he looked angry. He had a scowl on his face, and you felt entirely too close to him. You backed up, tripping on your own feet and fell onto your butt. Sai’s face softened seeing you and went to help you back up but you flinched back scooting away. Sai just looked at you confused. ”I’m going to help you up.” he says matter-of-factly before slowly reaching down to help you back on your feet. He lets out a small breath and rubs his face in frustration. “I wasn’t screaming at you ya know? I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He places a hand under your chin to look at him. “I’d never do anything like that to you.”

Shikamaru: You and Shikamaru were basically the perfect couple. You two never fought, never disagreed with each other. Never so much as stepped on the others toes in the wrong way.  that’s why what you two were going through seemed much more amplified than it should have been. This was probably your first fight with him and you could only hope it was your last. You both were exasperated with each other, and couldn’t believe what the other was saying. He couldn’t believe what was coming out of your mouth and you couldn’t believe how he was acting. 

“What did you just say?” he raised his eyebrow crossing his arms. You copied his action of crossing your own arms and biting your tongue. He rolls his eyes at you and your attitude, walking away before anything escalates is probably for the best so that’s what he does. “That’s what I thought.” He grumbles to himself.

“Asshole.” You mumble, while Shikamaru was still within the distance. He whips around and starts making his way to you. Immediately you retreat taking a step back from him with every step he takes towards you. He keeps moving until you find yourself backed up against the wall with a panicked look in your eyes. ”Sorry, I-I’m sorry.” You squeak out quickly.

“What?” Shikamaru asks. “What did you think I was going to do?” You didn’t answer him instead, you just look down. Moments pass and you can hear him quietly sigh and repeat what he said earlier to you. “That’s what I thought…” he doesn’t waste a moment and pulls you to his chest, holding you tight to him. “Never, I’d never do that, you got that?”

Choji: All he heard was your nagging, your bickering, all he heard was you. You, you, you. He was tired of it. He was tired of everything and just wanted you to stop. He just needed everything to stop. “Enough!” He yelled. His hand slammed on the table while he stood up. You were close to him and the slam of his hand caused you to flinch back. Choji stood there as your body stayed frozen and you stared ahead trembling. He didn’t know what to do. You were trembling in place not daring to look at him, his silence only making your anxiety worse. 

“What do I do? I don’t know how to make this better, you need to tell me.” Choji says frightened but all you do is shut down and stare ahead.

Kiba: All he wanted to do was shower and go to bed, but you kept asking for help around the house. He was happy to help, but after the in detail explanation of how you wanted the dishes washed, he couldn’t help but groan out. 

“Babe.” he groans and rubs his face frustrated, his hand coming by your head and making you flinch and apologize quickly.

“I’m sorry.” You say quickly taking a step away from him. “I shouldn’t be bothering you.” You say. Kiba looks over at you shocked at hearing you apologize until he saw you standing there frozen.

“What just happened? Did I do something? Babe talk to me.” He pleads not liking to see you with this demeanor but you just apologize again and again.

Shino: “I can’t fucking win with you.” Shino grumbles rubbing his temples as a headache soon begins to form. “I don’t know what you want from me if you don’t tell me.”

“See!” You raise your voice walking past him. “I shouldn’t have to tell you!”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Do I look like I am?” You stopped to look at him you were serious, oh so serious and Shino knew it. He knew it and he couldn’t believe how frustrating you were being right now. He threw his arms up fed up with you. You flinched back and Shino paused.

“Did you just? Do you really think that I’d do that to you?” He asked. He’s more unphased than anything and looks you in your eyes. “(Y/N).” He says.

“I-I just thought-”

“You thought I’d do what exactly? Hit you? Have I ever hit you before?” He questions and raises an eyebrow at you. You shake your head answering his question without speaking. “Do you think I’d ever lay a hand on you?” Once again, you shake your head. Shino grabs your hand, his thumb caressing the back of it in a way to calm you down. “I’ll try not to react like that about but please don’t have worries like that in your head. I love you, I’d never hurt you.”

Neji: I was a simple motion, something that you’ve seen him do plenty times before but his hand coming too close to your face caused you to shoot back and stop following him around.

You two were bickering all afternoon and he was tired of it. He’s not one to argue or even deal with it, so he just waved you off not looking to see how close you were to him. Neji felt you jolt back, he didn’t see you flinch although he didn’t have to once he turned and saw your widened eyes. He stopped, forgetting what he was saying, and instantly going into a worrisome mode.

“I’m sorry, did I just hit you? You know I wouldn’t do that on purpose I swear I didn’t see you.” he checks you from head to toe all while you’re looking at him confused because he never once made contact with you. 

Rock Lee: Contrary to popular belief, Lee is actually really scary when he’s mad, he paces like he’s doing right now and is silent. His frustrations and anger only bubbling up until he snaps, and there’s nothing you can do but watch and wait. 

“Lee…” you speak out, he’s pacing back-and-forth while you’re watching him on the couch. He was in a mood once he got home and all you can assume is something happened when he was out. You sigh and lean back waiting until he finally decides to speak when you suddenly hear footsteps fastly approaching you, you shoot up to move to the other side of the couch your instincts moving you away from your boyfriend until you realize he stopped in his tracks seeing you flee from him. You both stared at each other, shocked and unknowing what to say to the other about what just happened.

Gaara: You flinched from him, he didn’t even know what he did to cause you to react this way, but clearly he had to have done something, because tears were falling down your cheeks and you were trembling as if you were a Chihuahua. He doesn’t move, nor does he say anything he can only watch as you squeeze your eyes shut and hold back a sob from slipping passed your lips. This has never happened with you two before and Gaara was at a loss for words, he wanted to hold you and apologize for whatever he did, but didn’t want to make anything worse so he did nothing. He took a step back and waited until you opened your eyes to look at him. 

[all-pacas]

I really like your takes on Chase's dad - he seems like an ordinarily bad parent who probably has his own complicated feelings and bagage,whereas fanon!Rowan Chase is over-the-top abusive and a monster. Besides,your take on him is more canon compliant,and that makes it a win-win scenario.

Haha, yeah, it's kind of a pet peeve of mine that the only way to be a bad parent is to be an over-the-top monster. We know in canon Rowan was neglectful; that's enough to fuck up a kid, especially since Chase also had to deal with a ton of parentification and abuse from his mother — something fandom doesn't touch on, weirdly.

It's true the "would lock me in the study" thing was only in S8 (and I get the impression fandom mostly focuses on the first half of the series), but even using S1/2 information we know she was an alcoholic, died of DTs, and Chase felt (correctly or not) responsible for her care. (And then throw in his S8 retcon sister!) That's enough to fuck up a kid, not everything has to be Assault And Hitting And Worse.

Plus honestly, it… kind of seems more fucked up to me if Rowan did care. Look at his reaction in Cursed. He walks in the room. He smiles to see Chase. Greets him as Doctor Chase. End of the episode, he smiles when they hug. He seems to want to hang out, he disagrees with Chase during the case but not in any sort of aggressive way — Cameron seems downright confused by Chase's animosity, and she's not an idiot; House also can't figure it out. Chase's animosity seems weird to everyone. On the surface, there really isn't much to indicate Rowan is a shitty dad.

Rowan seems like he is genuinely proud of his son. He financed Chase for years, including two inter-continental (inter-hemisphere) moves. He seems like a good father.

And he isn't. Don't get me wrong. The fact that he told Chase "it wasn't your job to take care of [your mother]" but left his teenage son to do so anyway? And apparently his toddler daughter? The fact that he apparently fucked off for years at a time, that for all his 'support' and 'love' and genuine pride, he had no interest in being a father or having a relationship with Chase? Didn't tell him he was dying, let him take care of his family, and cut him out of his will/trust fund/whatever Chase had been living on? I don't even think it was malice, I think Rowan just didn't think about these things, didn't care. He had this nice son he was proud of, who didn't exist as a person with needs of his own. A nice son to mold into a doctor, who was so altruistic that he took care of his dying mother of his own free will (never mind that Chase was a teenager and that's not how any of that works). A nice boy in a successful fellowship, he's doing well, Rowan is glad he got to visit that last time, why should he mention he's dying? The boy would only get emotional. What a pain in the ass. Better to leave it on a good note, and never think about it again.

[drdemonprince]

Hi Dr Price! In your recent Instagram story you described some of the bad-faith engagement and outright abuse you've recieved as your platform has grown. I was wondering if you'd be willing to talk a little about your journey with navigating abusive responses to your work? I'm very keen to start publishing essays online, but I don't know how well I'd cope with cruel responses or escalating threats. On my best days I have a thick skin, but I've always been sensitive and my emotional armour is easily chipped. Is it primarily a matter of building one's tolerance for discomfort, as you described in your essay on disobedience? Do you have any more advice specific to this issue?

Distress tolerance certainly helps, but you really do need to develop self-control and a firewall of sorts when it comes to not exposing yourself to more negative feedback than you can handle or than is helpful.

My comments are turned off for many reasons, but largely because I have decided I don't want to platform any old random message from any random person who I do not know, cannot vouch for, and who might not have even fully read the essay or post to which they are responding.

Comment sections are a tool for generating advertiser revenue for social media platforms by creating conflict and distraction in the name of "engagement." It is a game I do not play, and I believe that a culture of constantly commenting upon things when we don't have relevant expertise and haven't thought our ideas through actively makes the world worse. Not having comment sections also means I don't fixate on the moment-by-moment reactions of other people to my work. I post and ghost.

I don't read reviews of my books, I don't name search myself (except for the occasional look for new posts on Reddit), and on all socials I have all notifications turned off except for people that I already follow and trust. If someone is in my mentions having a tantrum I don't ever see it (thanks to Philosophy Tube for inspiring this policy). I get my information from books, peer-reviewed articles, and outlets that I have already vetted, as well as from conversations with friends and engagement in my actual community.

I do have a firm grounding in myself, and a strong belief in both my ability to think and my ability to change and revise my point of view, and I don't see other people's feelings or thoughts about me as a reflection of my value. Their feelings about me are their problem. so I don't worry about the fact others disagree with me at times. In fact, after a certain degree of public exposure, one must accept that people are going to think and say all kinds of nonsense about you, and that you do not have the capacity as a single human to take all that data in.

I think getting comfortable with being disliked is probably the highest hurdle for most people. The book The Courage to Be Disliked is pretty great in that respect. But I'd also just say that, you know, if you dont know anything about a person and you have no reason to trust anything they have to say, why should their opinion matter to you? most of its junk data or worse.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

You know I've been seeing alot of post of how lunar should HAVE a villian arc and I'm like, WHY? guys, remember that what if lunar was evil, and so far, all he did was break things with the star I don't think being a villian would really do anything

Lunar isn't really entering his Villain Arc.

He's more entering his "angsty teen arc" again like he was at the beginning of his revival.

Earth can't even be in a safe environment where she can have open and clear communication around Lunar, because Lunar will twist it to make it all about him.

Earth legit can not talk about how Lunar made her feel, without Lunar talking about himself when it's HER turn to talk. He legit can't help himself.

Has to talk about how the Astral Bodies might kill him, and while, yes that is important, Solar even told Lunar that we have to take it one step at a time, and talk about it another time cause that is an entirely different thing. Yet Lunar disagreed. Because it's about HIM and his feelings. Despite it was Earth's turn to talk about her feelings, and he didn't listen to her. Again. Which only serves to hurt Earth. (not intentionally. Lunar is not doing this maliciously)

Lunar is a being of emotion and someone who thinks really self-centeredly, which is why the conversation went so badly, also partly because Earth can't keep a cool head but I feel her reactions are justified, and Solar was out of the loop and had no idea that Earth is legit traumatized and scared of Lunar.

Lunar is in need of help and guidance but it really needs to be someone outside of the family.

(A desperate part of me wonders if this is how they will go back to Lunar and Eclipse reconnecting in this way. But personally, I think it's not good for Eclipse to talk to Lunar. For both of them)

Evil!Lunar from his dimension actually just blew Eclipse up cus he was sick of the abuse and proceeded to blow up everyone else too. Which I don't think Lunar is heading down that path but he's going to be very angsty for awhile.

This all sounds harsh but this is someone who absolutely loves Lunar.

I thought that Lunar wouldn't take Gemini's justified callout of him not be able to handle anything to heart, but it feels like he just can't process a lot of what they said.

Understandable as well. Lunar has a lot thrown at him right now, but this is all his own fault and it wouldn't feel so huge if he actually worked through his issues for better emotional coping skills. But if he did, he'd know how to ignore Eclipse and not kill him.

Gemini really told Lunar all those harsh things because they care about Lunar, so much. (And Lunar is just too inner focused to realize that Gemini is experiencing emotions. Probably for the first time other then their defaults, over him. Because they care for him that much.)

Lunar is also practicing self-harm. Yes, staying in the rain when it's not good for your systems rather then take Solar's offer of coming inside to just relax for a little while, is a form of self-harm.

Lunar feels like he has no control in anything, but he needs to take his power back. Not just literally. Mentally. Accept the things he can and can't control and put in the effort if not for himself at least for his family.

But Lunar at the moment doesn't want to die, but he doesn't want to live either.

Earth doesn't want Lunar to suffer, and she does love him, but she's scared with him, can't be alone with him, and she feels so worthless.

Not so fun fact. Psychologists have a really high suicide rate as a profession. It's so discouraging to see patients not take your advice, deliberately make themselves worse, and end their own lives, you can't help feel responsibility for that. Earth feels unappreciated, and not listened to, and feels like she failed. Getting close to Lunar again will only serve to hurt her, and while that might be selfish of her, she KNOWS that. She knows that her not getting close to Lunar and taking her time is ALSO hurting him. She doesn't want to hurt him either, but what can she do? If it's just going to go back to how it was before of just avoiding the elephant in the room, Earth doesn't think she can deal with that if Lunar just flies off the handle for some reason or another, or hears something he doesn't like and just runs away or worse.

Yeah this isn't Lunar's villain arc.

This is his Emo Arc. Or angst arc if you prefer.

[dontbotherwiththepronunciation]

Hey! If you don't mind sharing, can I ask what surprised you most in the responses you got to the Theon survey? Any trends in fandom opinions that you hadn't expected?

Sorry this took so long! I originally wasn't intending on giving my own opinions on this but I will take this chance so I can rant! Thanks a lot. : )

1. Do you think Theon was sexually repressed before his torture by Ramsay?

This one showed some of the dangers of phrasing and how depending on the words we choose people will have very different reactions. Overall it was one of the most fascinating ones for me to read. One of my favourite things to come out of this simply because of how hilarious the dissonance was.

There is this very common take that has been spread by very popular Theonblogs about pre-torture Theon being sexually repressed (and often in modern aus or more lighthearted takes) a homophobic homosexual and it has always bothered me tremendously. I fully disagree.

Theon comes from the Iron Islands, a place that is more open to less defined gender and sexual roles (Asha and Qarl have their entire gnc-cnc thing going on, Hagen's daughter openly asks Tris and then another Ironborn for sex and there is no social stigma around this, and Victarion (sadly) doesn't really show a lot of concern or disgust at his ironborn raping a young maester), the text implies he has been involved in a threesome with Patrek Mallister (another man), and he doesn't seem to mind taking a more sexually submissive role when having sex with women (Esgred, being Kyra's little spoon). He might even find it more enjoyable if we think of his enthusiasm when interacting with Esgred as opposed to the captain's daughter.

More often than not it seemed to me this entire concept of him being sexually repressed/homophobic homosexual was based more on flanderization than actual text.

So, when I asked "Do you think Theon was sexually repressed before his torture by Ramsay?" (meaning: Do you think ACOK/AGOT/Pre-ASOIAF/Modern AU Theon is sexually repressed?) I expected an abundance of "Yes" and hopefully some argumentation. Instead, what I got was a misunderstanding. Many people, especially throbb shippers, who had previously, when speaking about what they enjoy in their respective ships, talked about some form of sexually repressed/closeted in denial Theon, took the words "Do you think Theon was sexually repressed before his torture by Ramsay?" as "Do you think Ramsay was Theon's sexual awakening?" and holly hell I did not mean that but I love it that their brains went in there! There is some subconscious acknowledgement in there.

The numbers between "Yes" vs "No" almost ended in a tie but it was only because a majority of those who said "no" interpreted the question very differently. I know for a fact a few of them have liked/reblogged sexually repressed Theon takes but then were almost outrageous about what they thought I implied and fully defended a sexually comfortable non-repressed pre-torture Theon. One of them even cursed me for what they thought I was hinting at. Very fun. Not quite a piss on the poor situation but still very enjoyable.

2. Ships

One of the dangers of doing these type of projects and allowing people anonymity is that many of them will forsake decency in order to spill out things without any real nuisance or consideration for others.

I encountered three types of reactions when it came to thoughts on the ship you like engaging with the least.

a) A short and brief "It makes me uncomfortable/It's uninteresting to me/It just irks me the wrong way, no hate to the shippers" or something among those lines

b) A relatively long analysis explaining to me in detail why, often with well-founded criticism that doesn't feel malicious or born out of petty competition: "Most of the fanwork focusing on it is very pro-Stark and I dislike how Robb is whitewashed / The way Ramsay's abuse is framed by the fans feels very divergent from the canon dynamic once they allow Theon enough agency to give consent / Book Theonsa barely exists, it's just show Theonsa and thus it often implies things about Theon's redemption arc that I don't agree with / I think adding romantic undertones to his relationship with Jeyne diminishes the selflessness of him rescuing her / Jon and him can mainly bond over things that are holding them back in their development and identity arcs, the wish to be a Stark, so I wouldn't want their relationship to become very intimate."

c) The dreaded and hateful "People who like [insert ship] are [insert insult] and I wish they would [insert harmful action]" often based on very hypocritical and not well thought argumentation. "How dare you ship him with a child?!" said by person who also ships him with a child. "That relationship could never be consensual because of the power imbalance" said by person who also ship him with someone who clearly holds power over him. "TaKe OfF tHe StArK GoGgLeS!" said by person who is wearing them too. Or the less hypocritical but equally disrespectful in the sense that it tries to limit interpretations and engagement with more niche parts of the fandom "Why'd you ship him with [insert ship] when [insert more popular ship] is right there?!"

And to be honest, I loved getting the b) variation! It was the rarest one, with sadly the c) variation being the most common but there was still a lot more of it than I expected there would be and it was so fun! Even when I didn't agree with an argument, or when it went against one of my ships (Out of the 5 options I listed in the survey the only ones I actively search for are Greysnow and Theyne, I occasionally go to thramsay but rarely to "shippy" works because I am only interested in it as pure horror, and usually I feel uncomfortable by the Stark involving ones so I avoid them) getting to interact with friendly criticism instead of straight up hate was so refreshing and oddly exciting. Like, yes! Give me your insight!

The examples I listed on the b) option are all paraphrased opinions that were submitted and the only one I disagree on is the Greysnow one, but even so it was explained so respectfully and without this sense of superiority and self-righteousness of "I understand the character and story better than those shippers!" so it still felt like something worth reading.

Happily surprised to see how some saw the window for complaints and took the opportunity to give actual complaints.

I block people for the mildest annoying thing they do and part of me regrets it because of the echo chamber I'm building around myself, but I think we should also be able to differentiate between "Hate" and criticism. Every now and then I remember that post on "I like being a hater" and no! I don't think most people like being haters, but when fair and valid concerns get dismissed as "hate" it becomes frustrating. Option c) is hate. Option b) is interesting and often constructive!

And the opposite also holds!

Throbb specifically is a ship I never understood the appeal of and disliked engaging with but a few of the responses explaining why people enjoy it opened my eyes about it. They offered perspectives I hadn't considered in the past and to some extent they made me more tolerant.

Some examples (including things I don't really agree with but still found insightful and interesting):

I only mildly dabble in shipping in asoiaf at all, however Throbb Is nice as when its done well It tends to have a lot of what I like (kidfic, canon divergences with some political element and happening around the early ACOK node, very specific hurt comfort dynamics, role reversals (enjoy Robb Is the one who had to experience Ramsay AUs even) exploration of the cultural/identity issues through conflicing loyalty etc . It rigorously has to be by people who love Theon better than Robb though

I'm someone where I will take whatever I can get tbh. All of the above. I do really enjoy stories where Robb is a darker character though, and relishes in the power he holds over Theon. Also just like playing with the theme of the Starks being wolves? And how the Ironborn were called like sea wolves by those in the riverlands and westerlands. It's very fun. I also do indulge in modern AUs where Theon is an unofficial member of the Starks. It's just very comfy. I like it less-so in canon fics because I think it very much writes off Ironborn culture in place of Northern culture. I am picky with them though because some of them are very much in the lane of "the Starks can do no wrong" and nope, the Starks can and have.

I am truly here for literally any Theon ship and they all appeal to me in different ways for different reasons. Robb and Theon - Personally I think it's really interesting how Robb is upheld as this very honourable gentleman-type but he never calls out Theon on his horrible treatment of women or other uncouth behaviour and it's suggested he actually kind of admires him for it? It gives me the impression that Robb lives vicariously through Theon a little bit and I'm fascinated by the idea of them being devoted to each other but also jealous of each other? We never see Robb's POV in the books but I think he's interesting to view through a lens of a young guy with an immense amount of pressure and responsibility on his shoulders (even before Ned dies he has the responsibility of being heir and the pressure to live up to the Stark name). I imagine that Theon is one of the few people Robb felt he could be himself around without any pressure to be respectable or honourable. He probably craves the relative freedom Theon has whole Theon longs for the status and respect that Robb has. It's an interesting dynamic! Also there's the fact that Robb is literally the only person who likes Theon and trusts him when no one else does which makes it even more heartbreaking when he betrays him. 

This last sentence I marked on blue was so captivating because it opened a can of worms regarding ACOK-ASOS Robb and how much he seems to be imitating Theon's own (failed) leadership, which, yes, we have tons of meta exploring their similitudes but combined with the "Theon treats women horribly" take (in my opinion, yes but not much worse that the rest of men in the story) makes me think of Robb's dubiously consensual relationship with Jeyne W after he and his army take over her castle and Theon having Kyra be brought to him after he takes Winterfell (and a few weeks later raping her). Interesting things to dwell on.

3. (Anti) Sansa-Dany (Stan)

Something that surprised me positively was that the division between Anti-Sansa/Anti-Dany was a lot less present than I usually perceived it to be. The majority was sympathetic to both without seeing one as a villain and the other as a hero. There were still more Sansa stans than Dany stans but it was much less extreme than I thought. I wonder if this is tied to the show fandom dying and people being more aware about thematic and textual similitudes between Dany & Theon and Sansa & Dany now that the show-made dynamics have been fading. People have been slowly realising that Theon being devoted to a Stark might not be the hill we want him to die on and that Daenerys' ambition for the throne is similarly to Theon also motivated by a deep longing for home.

There is still a preference for Sansa but the animosity for Dany was much less than I expected and that made me very happy. Very proud of the Theon fandom for this!

Thanks for asking again. It's very nice of you to show interest and I hope this hasn't ben very disappointing.

[black-butler-meta]

Expanding on my last post about BOC…

Recently there was a post that was obviously related to what I recently wrote regarding the PTSD scene in Book of Circus. That person chose to make their own (not so) vague post rather than communicating directly via the ask box or a reblog, so I’m not going to reblog it because I’m guessing they don’t want to interact with me (totally fine, btw).

But I do want to make a new post to clarify what I apparently did not communicate correctly before, in case others are curious for a response.

First and foremost, I actually DO understand PTSD. I have a history of CSA and child abuse that persisted across multiple years, and it most definitely is an important part of who I am, and something I am still working through. So please refrain from making accusations about a stranger online just because you’re upset.

Now, about the post….

When I was describing the discomfort I felt between Sebastian and Ciel during the PTSD scene, I was not doing so as a generalization of “this is how their dynamic always is” and “their relationship can only be toxic/bad,” etc. I was only referring to that scene specifically. The discomfort I spoke of was referring to the viewer (which is subjective - I never said it wasn’t), not to the characters’ relationship.

It felt uncomfortable because of the contrast between Sebastian’s manipulative, predatory nature (which was very soothing and calming) and Ciel’s fragile mental state, emphasized by his regression in response to trauma. It’s about finding (as the viewer) Sebastian’s sensual actions arousing contrasted with Ciel’s obvious suffering that makes the scene have an underlying layer of unease. The dichotomy of arousal and discomfort would be there as well if Ciel were an adult, because the manipulation is the same. BUT, the discomfort is worsened because in this moment, Ciel’s behavior is more childlike than the way he usually is. It’s not to make Sebastian out as a pedophile/groomer, but to show Ciel at his most weakest, and Sebastian is taking that opportunity to push him over the edge into violence. Additionally, Ciel’s childness is also there to remind us that he’s not out of his trauma yet; that, in many ways, it’s still ongoing for him.

Of course not everyone has that reaction to the scene… maybe others find it protective, which I can also see those undertones, especially when Sebastian carries Ciel while fulfilling his orders, instead of simply leaving him on the floor by himself. Maybe there are those that find it romantic, a white night coming to save. I personally don’t, but if you do, then good for you! We can agree to disagree and leave it at that. I’m not here to cast moral judgment on others over fictional characters, and I’m not here to speak for everyone. These analyses are simply my own and so it’s about how the message comes across to me.

I had never said that Ciel didn’t find comfort in Sebastian. In fact, it’s the very reason that he finds comfort in him that Sebastian’s tender approach worked, and got Ciel to finally open his eyes and give him the orders that he wanted. But I did find the lip touch to be something that felt out of place, more the indulgence of a hungry demon inspecting his future meal rather than something done to console, and Ciel’s lack of reaction to it demonstrated how far gone he was in his panic attack. Yes, Ciel allows Sebastian to dress him, bathe him, carry him, etc.; but he also at times expresses boundaries either through body language (frowning, pulling back slightly) or verbal protest (e.g., when Sebastian tried to spoon feed him). Just because Ciel lets him care for him in some ways, doesn’t mean he’d give Sebastian a free pass to touch him in other, more intimate ways outside of his butler duties. That was why that moment felt unnerving.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say that their relationship is largely positive. I wouldn’t call it entirely negative, either. In actuality, I would describe it as complex. Sebastian, first and foremost, is a demon and his purpose is to cultivate Ciel’s soul. Yana herself has described him as elite trash, hyper-narcissistic, and that he enjoys seeing Ciel struggle. And it’s because of this characterization that it’s so interesting to see Sebastian slowly evolve into someone who does care. There are absolutely clues of him learning to “care” in his own weird way. He’s been shown to be protective, and will do kindnesses that he doesn’t have to do, for Ciel and others, and worry when Ciel is in danger that seems to go beyond losing his meal. These glimpses contrasted with scenes where his demon side really comes through is what makes him such an interesting character to begin with.

Yes, in a strange way Sebastian is helping Ciel heal, but it’s in a warped sort of way, like a broken bone that never gets set properly and heals wrong. Sebastian’s goal isn’t to truly heal Ciel; it’s to help him complete his vengeance and ripen his damaged soul in preparation for eating. And yes, he’s likely going to grow attached to it by the end of it, which will make the act that much more personal and meaningful if/when it does happen.

The entire thing is complicated, dark, beautiful, and yes, in some ways toxic. The discomfort is there (for the viewer - or at least some of us), and that’s okay. It’s literally a part of dark fantasy, and, if you want to go there, dark romance. It’s the moral ambiguity of decisions and motivations, that blurring of lines between good and evil, and finding comfort in darkness and violence. If that discomfort wasn’t there, then the story wouldn’t be what it is. It wouldn’t be Black Butler at all.