#but what about Bipolar Yang?

[veliseraptor]

what do you think xue yang sleeps like? clingy? nightmares? like the dead?

if I have a collection of one thing very specifically about my faves it is "sleep headcanons" so thank you for asking!!!

first off, I think xue yang is an intermittent insomniac. it's part of my "bipolar tendencies" xue yang headcanon that I've adopted, where he will get manic for a period of time and he has no interest in managing or controlling that ("calming down" no thank you) and so he will just be. awake for days on end. sleep is boring and even if he tried he would just lie there vibrating and getting increasingly more agitated, and an agitated xue yang is not generally good for anyone, including himself. xue yang will start chewing on his own limbs if he's forced to be idle too long.

this is, of course, followed by a crash where he will sleep like the dead for, like, a solid 20 hours. it's not great and he generally wakes up from that cranky and disoriented, but given a choice between "hasn't slept in two days" xue yang and "crash afterwards" xue yang most people would choose the latter.

but when he is sleeping another headcanon I have is that he doesn't remember his dreams. he's convinced he doesn't dream (he does, everybody does) but he has no memory of them when he wakes up. he does have bad dreams, and not infrequently, but he doesn't connect them with waking up feeling weird and off; he just assumes that happens sometimes.

lastly, xue yang is 100% a sleep cuddler, in the sense that if he is sharing a bed with someone (which doesn't happen very often) he will be all over them when he's asleep. it doesn't even necessarily matter how much he likes or doesn't like them, it's just sort of instinctual. there's a warm body there and he's going to treat it like a stuffed animal.

in my head this is great for xiao xingchen, who loves it, particularly because he runs cold and xue yang sleeps hot, but there have probably been times when xue yang slept with someone more casually (though I don't actually think he's done that often) and wasn't delighted to wake up wrapped around them. looks too clingy, not good for his image. it's not about you, idiot, you were just there.

[lunarsilkscreen]

Gaslighting, Psychosis, and Bipolar Disorder

Some people think that getting upset or angry at something is a sign of psychosis, BPD, or many other mental disorders.

So much so that your average person develops a mask so that others can never see when they're angry or upset. A painted smile, or a poker face.

They say: You can diagnosis somebody for any number of mental illnesses, but you can diagnose somebody with being an asshole. And you're wrong Dr.

It's important to ask questions when somebody is accused of being psychotic, BPD, or crazy, or any number of things. Because it may be a tactic used to isolate an individual from the group.

People with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) do this for a few reasons, either they're malicious, or they're worried about losing their own friend group when the group learns that they are in-fact, an Asshole.

Or, they just want to control that person, and the best way to do so is to isolate them from other people. It's important to be able to recognize when somebody is being isolated, or when a person close to you is you to be isolated.

Because to the individual, it can look like this person is their only lifeline until it's too late. And to the group, it's a person self-isolating because "depression or whatever".

And if that person who you may assume is their best friend and routinely checking up on them, probably isn't doing that at all. They may even tell the group at large that they have checked in on them and either "they're fine" or "I don't know they won't tell me." Or "I don't know they keep acting crazy."

Psychosis isn't something that comes out of the blue. It comes from gaslighting. A person is antagonized to the point that they "act out". Either they yell or or do some other action because their nervous system has to react to destress.

Note: that if, when two people are routinely brought together, and this happens routinely; it's probably the relationship and these two shouldn't be around each other. Potentially because one of the two in the relationship is NPD, or because the relationship just isn't a healthy one, or even because they're acting out against each other because of societal pressures they can't otherwise control.

These things are hard to talk about because it's often framed that "the angry person" is the problem. But if you had a mosquito in the house, wouldn't you smack the mosquito?

There's a rash, and this is oftentimes women, who want people to feel sorry for them. They play the victim a lot. Because this happens, Men who actually do victim blame get to be covered by the Men who have been in their own shitty relationships where they themselves were the victim in such a relationship.

I'm gonna get so much shit for that, but it's a yin-yang thing. There's assholes on both halves. The black asshole, the white asshole. You've seen a yin-yang, I'm sure of it.

I'm saying: it's the victims on either side that get blamed and shamed.

This comes down to those masculine stereotypes. And even autistic stereotypes. Have you've ever seen a B* (and I mean B*, not a women) "catch" their partner in a "trap". And then just look at her friends like "See what I have to deal with?"

It's her friends that go along with it that cause the problem to metastisize.

Sorry, I used a gendered pronoun. Have you ever seen a D* (and I mean a D* not a men.) "Catch" their partner in some "trap" look at his friends and go "see what I have to deal with?" His friends are the problem.

F* I did it again.

Have you ever seen a... What's a negative slur against "theybys" cuz #notalltheybys. F* it. If I'm going to hell, might as well go in a hand basket.

Have you ever seen a Fa*t (and I mean a Fa*t and not a queer looking individual.) "Catch" their partner in some sort of "situation" and then look at their friends like "Can you believe this shit?" And then their friends go along with it without further comment.

And then the story *becomes* the theyby's partner was an edgelord that threatened to commit suicide? But as you learn more about that Fa*t, D*, or B*, that it was really them who were trying to get brownie points for being the... f*.

I think black people call it being a "White Savior" or whatever.

"yeah they're all sorts of mentally ill, but I put up with it, and I suffer for *their* sake... "

D*B*Got pls.

[dowhatteverer]

For the character ask: James and Yang, please?

Alright! Sorry I advanced if I wrote some of these out of order.

James Ironwood:

Sexuality headcannon

Gay, Demi Romantic

Otp

Ironqrow, obviously

Brotp

Glynda!

Notp

I'mma be honest with you, I don't think that there is a James ship I don't like or at least I'm not curious about. Except for maybe shipping him with any of the teenage characters because large age gaps and underage x adult squick me the heck out. Problematic adult pairings like Jacques/James interest me from a storytelling perspective rather than a genuine want for them to be together, because believe me, James deserves so much better than him.

First headcannon that pops into my head

James has body issues and a mild case of body dysmorphia. This has a lot to do with feeling ostracized because of his prosthetics and how people will react to them, but also extends to normal middle aged man insecurities like worrying about his weight and his greying hair.

Favorite line from this character

"Well that's about all the pomp I have in me, *adjusts tie* now I have to get back to running this operation.*turns, and the turns back with a smile* Enjoy the Cake!" This moment is so awkward and genuine it lives in my head rent free.

One way in which I relate to this Character

I hardcore headcannon him as being Autistic, so a lot of this might be projecting, but it's the implication that he thinks about everything in a different way from most other characters in the show and what makes sense to him is somehow universally pushed against and rejected as a solution, but they also get mad at him for not doing the thing that they didn't want him to do. It almost feels like no one's really trying to make an effort to understand him and instead try to read into all of his behaviors as being malicious in nature. I think every autistic person has had this happen to them at least once in their lives.

Thing that gives me second hand embarrassment from this character.

His flirting with Glynda in the earlier seasons. The heteronormativity really made things awkward back then.

Cinnamon roll, or problematic fave?

Problematic fave for sure, even when he wasn't being a poorly thought out villain, he still made a lot of choices that actually had an effect on the story with positive and negative consequences. Which as we all know in RWBY, you are evil to do if you're not a main protagonist.

Yang!

Sexuality headcannon

Definitely bisexual

Otp

Freezer burn!

Brotp

I think Yang and Nora would be an unstoppable duo and should totally hang out more.

Notp

Get bumblby the hell away from me please. I mean, make it cannon for fucks sake, and then keep it the hell away from me.

First headcannon that pops in my head

She used to make Ruby breakfast in the morning but since she was still a young kid while trying to take care of her sister, a lot of her food items were not exactly healthy. Like putting chocolate milk and cookie crumbs in marshmallow cereal.

One thing I relate to about this character.

I wasn't abandoned by a parent or had one die on me, but I was raised by two people who had untreated mental health issues, my mom had a drinking problem and bipolar mood swings when I was young, while my dad was a closets bisexual man who was dealing with a divorce and being in contact with his catholic (and quite homophobic) family while not taking any antidepressants for his emotional issues. So Yang having two parental figures who still loved and cared about her, but whose mental health issues ended up affecting her later in life even though they were trying their best? That hits close too home.

Favorite line from this character

"but you are special, at least to me" I know this is from her first appearance in the first episode, but something about the genuine love for her little sister she showcases in those words alone just makes me think about all the things I love about Yang.

Thing that gives me second hand embarrassment from this character.

Her openly growling at shirtless boys while in the hall before the first day of school. It's just so awkward, even if it was set up for a joke about how Jaune isn't masculine enough (even though that in of itself sucks)

Cinnamon roll, or problematic fave?

Problematic fave for sure. Although I'm not sure I can really call her a fave after what the show did with her. It's just so hard to enjoy her now that they've made her main personality trait being angry and completely forgot that her anger was something she was supposed to be overcoming, Not wallowing in. And also absolutely nobody on team RWBY came out looking good after the Atlas arc. I don't care how many times the writers are going to rewrite the history of their show.

[zurgles]

Tarot reading 1

Question: How do I deal with my fear of entering psychosis again?

Deck: Shadowscapes tarot

Card: Temperance

Resources used: Numinous Tarot guidebook

I think this is telling me it’s okay to rely on my meds. Temperance is also known as Alchemy and I’ve seen it referred to as Chemistry (and Art) before.

I’m also remembering when I was doing tarot years that my temperance year was one where I was initially diagnosed with bipolar disorder (years later leaning schizoaffective disorder bipolar type) and I found myself learning about the fine line bipolar people have to tread to avoid going into depressive or manic states. These included lifestyle changes like going to sleep at the same time every night to ensure a good nights sleep, avoiding stimulants like caffeine and depressants like alcohol, and taking their meds consistently and optimally at the same time every day. Basically getting your systems to operate at clockwork (is that the phrase?). This might involve experimentation and adjustments like seeing if decaf coffee works for you, making bedtime routines and seeing what things help you relax and fall asleep faster. Keeping what works for you and leaving behind what doesn’t. That was actually a pretty intense year where I was out of balance and working on finding stability again (I found out my hormonal birth control was contributing a lot to my instability and mood issues along with other health problems).

I’m going to talk to my psychiatrist about making a minor increase in my medication to see if that helps with my symptoms on wednesday. I think that experimenting is another message of Temperance.

Now I’m going to read from the Numinous Tarot guidebook and see if there’s anything I might be missing….

It talks about integration and healing. After the loss in the death card, our old and new selves combine to become a new whole. I can see this as needing to find a way to integrate my experiences to allow me to move forward, taking what I need and leaving what I don’t or what is no longer relevant. After loss we are changed and have to adjust to a new normal. I think the numinous guidebook frames this as a more active change (“Temperance asks us to combine our experiences in a way that best supports us”).

I’m not sure how to do this practically or if I’m already doing it. It seems like it’s saying instead of being afraid of it happening again, heal from it and incorporate it into your library of lived experiences. Maybe I can say yes I experience psychosis but it doesn’t define me. Like the Numinous Tarot guidebook says, “we are more than the sum of our parts.”

The Shadowscapes card has a dragon and a phoenix being pulled into an orb to form a yin yang symbol within it. This makes me think of a whole unified self and how our spirits are immortal, and the many deaths and rebirths we go through in our lifetimes. It also makes me think of living in balance and tempering volatile substances into neutral(?) ones, or turning chaos into harmony.

I can integrate this last experience by reframing it as a beat in my life that proves I am a survivor and know that if it happens again, I can survive that too. I can also focus on what elements (like support systems) got me through it the last time and try to replicate the conditions necessary for delusion to turn into clarity if it should happen again.

I think that’s good for now.

[mynameisfate]

Penerimaan itu Proses

(disclaimer: sebenarnya aku bingung sih mau kasih judul apa, karena aku rasa latar belakang utama aku pengen nulis adalah aku yang masih punya stigma terhadap diriku sendiri. sebuah disclaimer yang cukup panjang yha bund haha lol)

Well, selama aku dirawat inap di Bangsal Psikiatri, aku belajar banyak hal sih. SO abundant that I do not know how to start telling you all. Regardless with my past trauma, I learn a lot about how to deal with such situation that makes me feel uneasy or not pleasure at times. But what blow my mind (even till now) is how my therapist help me to deal with the stigma I put on my own self.

Speaking of stigma, it's really not easy for me, I think. Having mental illness is never easy to cope. Capeknya luar biasa. Sekalinya pikiran mulai jenuh, I tend to be in a depression phase. Sedih yang luar biasa, burn out yang bikin aku mentok, serangan sesak napas padahal saluran pernapasanku baik-baik saja. Lalu jika sudah begitu, aku cuma bisa menangis sampe rasanya napas tu mau habis.

Capek yang aku rasakan dengan diagnosa Bipolar adalah aku ngerasa fisik aku baik-baik saja dimana ga ada luka fisik atau keluhan fisik yang membuat aku harus mengkonsumsi obat terus-terusan. Inilah yang membuat aku malas minum obat dan sudah 3 bulan kemarin aku tidak minum obat yang dikolaborasikan dengan aku yang sama sekali tidak kontrol ke psikiater. Well ya so I end up getting hospitalized recently.

Rasa capek itu aku rasa yang membuat stigma pada diriku muncul kembali. Sebelumnya, aku merasa teman-temanku yang lain, saat bekerja memiliki beban yang sama, but why on earth they look just fine ??? While, me, sekalinya capek, psikosomatis muncul, depresi mulai menyerang, pikiran self-harm mulai menyapa. Lucky me, I did not do self-harm. I had just taught about it strongly before I was hospitalized.

Aku juga menyadari, stigma yang muncul ini malah terasa lebih severe. Because I have ever won this battle, but now I'm struggling again and I feel like a loser, and so the shame on me feels a lot more difficult to beat. Iya, aku merasa malu. Malu lagi, lebih tepatnya (yang sebelumnya ketika aku menjadi speaker di beberapa acara tentang mental illness, aku pernah bangga dengan disorder yang aku miliki). I remember, so long ago I told people with mental illness not to be shame with their diagnoses. Because we are not defined by our diagnoses. Tapi sekarang gema suara itu seolah meredup. Timbul tenggelam. Antara ya dan tidak. Antara benar dan salah. Sebuah dualisme yang sangat relatif.

Lalu, selama menjalani psikoterapi yang cukup intens di bangsal, perlahan aku mulai bisa merubah mindset yang selama ini seolah bertengger dalam kepalaku menjadi keyakinan tak tergoyahkan. Aku mulai membuka hatiku untuk menerima diriku, diriku yang apa adanya. Diriku yang memang didiagnosa Bipolar Disorder, tapi aku bukanlah diagnosaku. Sulit memang untuk dimengerti. Gema suara yang seolah meredup itu sejatinya benar adanya. Hanya saja aku selalu saja denial mencari seribu alasan untuk menyalahkan takdir dengan menolak keyakinan itu. Aku masih sering menyalahkan takdir, mengapa diantara ribuan miliar manusia di muka bumi, aku harus menjadi salah satu yang didiagnosa Bipolar. Aku menutup pintu pikiran pada perspektif lain di mana jika aku mencoba menengok jalan hidupku melalui perspektif ini, aku akan lebih mudah dalam menerima diri atas diagnosaku. Perspektif itu ialah bahwa setiap manusia itu unik. Entah dia memiliki diagnosa penyakit fisik ataupun penyakit mental. Entah dia manusia yang sehat ataupun manusia yang gampang sakit. Keunikan itu pun berdasarkan banyak macam. In my cases, it's kinda of imbalance substance inside my neurotransmitter (I forget whether endorphine, serothonin, dopamine, or etc) so that sometimes I might act abnormally --too much happiness or too much sadness-- that I can't bear anylonger. So I guess, it's been my nature causing me having bipolar.

In other words, I can't choose any destiny come across my way. But I believe, God will strengthen me so that I could be the best of me struggling with bipolar. It means that I could choose the way I act (though too often it's hard to do, right?), regardless how hard the obstacle I've been through.

Closure : bingung mau kasih penutupan kek mana, too much blabbering yang ga saling nyambung antar paragraf kan, wkwk. But the point is, accepting is a process. It is a lifelong journey and a forever learning. ------------------------------- For I am not my diagnosed. True, I was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder. But I am not defined by my disorder. I am defined by me as human being. I am me, a girl on her twenties having big dream for her carreer. I am me, who is willingly to struggle to apply scholarships abroad for my master degree. I am me, a little girl on the inside wishing her journey will make her bigger, slowly but as sure as the sun shines every morning. I am me, Usna Aning Yulianti. :))

[kaileeandag]

Where Are They Now? Yi-Kyung

If you’re curious about what Yi-Kyung is up to now, wonder no more!

-graduated from Deering High School in 2010, then from the University of New England (UNE) in 2014 with a degree in nursing. -currently works as a nurse, although she debates quitting due to the stresses of the COVID-19 pandemic. -met a third year student named Michael Lattimer during her first year at UNE. The two began dating midway through the year and married in the spring of 2017. -has a lime green ribbon bumper sticker on her car, getting it after she found out that Michael was a cancer survivor, the type of cancer he battled being Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Due to her husband being a cancer survivor, she donates regularly to a non-profit that helps terminally ill children and teens stay connected with their friends via computers or tablets, with a tablet being attached to a ‘robot’ that attends class in place of the sick child or teen. -is a big advocate for men’s mental health due to her brother Ji-ho being diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder at the age of 19. -collects American Girl dolls, playing with them if the child of one of her or one of Michael’s friends comes over. Her most recent American Girl doll acquisition is Corinne Tan. Her favorite doll is Z Yang, due to her being Korean-American like her. -started taking karate classes in 7th grade in order to defend herself in case she got jumped due to anti-Asian bias. She is currently a second degree black belt. -enjoys attending anime conventions, going to PortConMaine every year since 2011 and Anime Boston every year since 2015.

[claire-de-lune]

Just wanted to write a post wishing Robbe and Sander a Happy one year anniversary. From the very moment these 2 interacted I knew they would have a special place in my heart. Although we had watched this story come to life and be told 4 times prior to season 3 of WTFOCK coming out, something about these 2 was so new and exciting. Maybe it was how genuinly caring and compassionate Robbe was despite everything that had happened to him, or maybe it was how bold and confident Sander was in his persuit of Robbe despite not knowing him and being diagnosed with Bipolar 6 months prior. He knew what he wanted after he saw that beautiful boy under the moonlight and made it a mission to make him his. And yes he messed up Royally along the way, they both did, but their love and connection was so strong that they were able to make it through all of obstacles. And the writers sure loved to give these 2 obstacles unlike their previous counterparts. From a slur, to gay bashing, and even cheating. But they made it through and came out stronger on the other side and I am so so proud of them. I know it’s cheesy but their story is the definition of love conquers all. They truly complete and complement one another so well and are again the definition of Yin and Yang. Also they are best friends on top of it all and I love that about them. I know they’re just fictional characters but what they had and the connection they portrayed is something we all want and it’s a little bit of magic. That’s what love is, it’s magical. So yeah I’m so happy for them and I love them and again I’m so proud of them. 🥲🥲

[wildbootsappeared]

A snapshot of a pandemic. I’m on track to read 80 books this year if I continue at this pace. Now that we’re at the halfway point of 2021, I thought it would be a good time to pause and highlight a few favorites.

Apparently, this year I only read ... red?

With that, in no particular order ...

--

When the Tiger Came Down the Mountain by Nghi Vo

I previously talked about the book that precedes this one, The Empress of Salt and Fortune ... and I think I actually liked this one even better. Like the first book, this one is astonishingly rich for being itty bitty--I read the entire thing in two hours. Once again, the narrative cuts back and forth between the present with Chi, a monk and historian, and the past with a story they are unraveling. This time, they have to tell the story the right way, or three tiger women will eat them and their companion. The story in question is the love story between a tiger woman and a human woman, which was both surprisingly sensual and really thoughtful in its exploration of what loving someone means and what you should and shouldn’t sacrifice for them.

Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas

Cemetery Boys has been hyped up like mad, and it’s no wonder. It’s a fun setting with charming characters. Area trans boy seeks community acceptance through magical coming of age ceremony, accidentally summons ghost boy and falls in love with him. I thought the ending got a little saccharine, but I didn’t even care because I was so delighted by Julian and Yadriel. It reminded me A LOT of Witch Boy by Molly Knox Ostertag.

The Secret Commonwealth by Philip Pullman (The Book of Dust Book 2)

I was oddly reluctant to start The Book of Dust trilogy considering how much I treasure His Dark Materials. I was turned off by the idea of baby Lyra, I suppose, unwilling to meet new characters. That was FOOLISHNESS, of course, because Philip Pullman know what he’s doing! The second trilogy has been so far more spiritual and more adult than the previous one, asking some deeper questions about daemons and love and what happens when you don’t love your daemon. The second book, The Secret Commonwealth, is especially adult and rather melancholy, but I found it GRIPPING. Read the entire 600+ page book in one sitting. We spend the entire book in Lyra’s world--no dimension-hopping this time--but we still get to explore a bunch of different places, all while Lyra tries to reunite with her separted daemon alone. Big parts of it read more like a spy mystery than a traditional fantasy story. Lyra was reminding me a lot of Charlie in John Le Carre’s Little Drummer Girl.

The Black Tides of Heaven by Neon Yang

Short and sweet, queer, dynamic, “silk punk” (ancient Chinese fantasy steampunk vibes), dragons. What more do you need me to say about it?

Little and Lion by Brandy Colbert

Brandy Colbert has become one of my new favorite writers this year. She writes stories about black girls navigating non-traditional families. In Little & Lion, the protagonist is trying to figure out her queerness, which gets complicated when she and her brother (technically her mom’s boyfriend’s son but like ... her brother) both like the same girl. ALSO he’s gone off his meds for his bipolar disorder.

--

Honorable mentions:

The Gods of Jade and Bone by Silvia Moreno-Garcia - The only reason I’m not talking about it in-depth is because I haven’t finished it yet. But I really like it! I’ll probably talk about it in the second half of the year.

Punching the Air by Ibi Zoboi and Yusef Salaam - A powerful novel in verse about a boy who’s sent to a juvenile detention facility for a crime he didn’t commit

The Field Guide to the North American Teen by Ben Philipe - Snarky, funny, and charming

The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E Harlowe - Definitely in the same family as His Dark Materials. A girl and her dog jumping between doors to other worlds.

Between Bitter and Sweet by Laekan Zea Kemp - Restaurant vs. the crushing forces of racism and capitalism, let’s go. Very tender and fierce with lovable protagonists.

Happy reading, all!

[theautisticquillholder]

Murderous Love Chapter IV

(WARNING: This fanfiction has themes of Suicidal Ideation, Suicide itself, Self harm, Sexual Assualt, Murder, Extreme Bullying and Humiliation and a lot of Mental Illness related content and is NOT appropriate for children and the faint of heart. If you are under 18 or may be triggered by the content of this fanfiction please do not read this.)

Motochika’s POV

Myself and Mitsuhide were relaxing in our mini studio apartment that his parents made for us so that we can live independently while we are minors.

Tomorrow our fight to get Da Ji charged and convicted of sexual assault and distribution of Child Pornography and Loki and Ares charged and convicted as accomplices to Da Ji begins.

I knew Odin and Zeus would not take us putting those three in jail laying down. Mitsuhide was scared, he knew his life would become worse if those three are acquitted of those charges. Thankfully Dousan, Noh’s father is the best lawyer we have and has given us a no win no fee guarantee because he knew that due to Zeus and Odin being rich bastards, we may not get the outcome we want.

I hugged Mitsuhide tightly while singing to him, hoping that my singing would soothe him. I then noticed that Mitsuhide was not calming down at all, he then looked at me saying

“Hide the blades, medication and long cords. Now.”

When I heard that I let go of Mitsuhide and went to do so. I’m so glad Mitsutsuna taught me what to do when Mitsuhide ends up having a manic episode or a depressive episode. I then looked at Mitsuhide asking “Anything else?”

Mitsuhide nodded “My wallet.”

I nodded and hid his wallet as well. I then walked to my beloved and hugged him “I love you, I won’t leave you, you’re a god amongst men, you’re the strongest guy I know, you’re an absolute badass, you’ve survived so much and you’re still here, I’m so proud of you”

Mitsuhide rested his head on my chest smiling. I wasn’t told to tell Mitsuhide nice things about him, I just added that to combat the intrusive thoughts that might come up as he deals with this episode, such as feeling unworthy of anything great in life. He looked at me smiling

“I’m so sorry for having that episode.” He spoke,

I looked at him weirdly before saying “Don’t be sorry for something that is not in your control.”

Mitsuhide looked down “No one wants to hire me so I can’t get a job and I don’t want to rely on my parents to get my medication…”

I soon became worried. I looked at him before letting go of him “I just need to ask your father when dinner is ready”

I then walked out of our studio apartment and towards Mitsutsuna saying “Hey sooooooo I found out why Mitsuhide is having these episodes. He doesn’t want to rely on you to get his medication, even though he knows that you and your wife are more than happy to help him…”

Mitsutsuna froze “Wh-What? O-Oh my god!”

He then picked up his phone and called Ritsuko (Mitsuhide’s mother).

Mitsutsuna then said “So, Mitsuhide has not been taking his medication for his bipolar and his depression…

He doesn’t want to rely on us to get it for him…

I know we had that conversation with him that we’re his parents and if we can’t get him the medication he needs then we don’t deserve the honour of parenthood…

Please just get the medication for him, I’ll have a chat…

Motochika managed to get him to talk about whether or not he’s getting his medication…

Okay, I’ll do that for you”

He then hung up the phone and looked at me saying “Thank you so much for telling us this.”

I nodded “It’s okay, if we can at least get him on his medication for the duration of the Trial we can manage his condition as the trial goes on.”

I then walked back to our mini apartment, Mitsuhide looked at me saying “You told them didn’t you…”

“I’m sorry honey, I had to, they want to help you, please let them help you.” I replied.

I hugged him tightly before Ritsuko arrived and handed me the medication. “Thank you Motochika, I think you’re the man that my son needed.”

I nodded and accepted the paper bag.

THE NEXT DAY

It was the day the trials of Da Ji, Loki and Ares began.

I stood by Mitsuhide’s side as we made our way into the court room. Da Ji glared at us as the evidence was presented.

Soon it was Dousan’s turn to present evidence. He walked to the whiteboard and projector and turned it on soon revealing the Instagram post made by Da Ji that had the photo of Mitsuhide naked lying on the dingy bathroom floor.

Loki, Ares and Da Ji were held back as Dousan revealed the evidence and explained the statements given by myself, Mitsuhide and the school staff who found us in the bathroom.

The trial lasted for about five days and Judge Orochi sent the Jury out to discuss what the verdict is going to be, as we waited for the verdict Loki looked at Mitsuhide saying

“Now you’ve fucking done it, how much attention do you fucking want you whore!”

I blocked Mitsuhide’s ears when Loki opened his mouth to talk.

We then saw the Jury enter the courtroom again and the jury Forewoman Tamamo was asked if Loki was guilty or not guilty.

Tamamo replied “Loki and Ares had the majority vote of not guilty of all charges. While I have voted guilty I believe there has been some form of bribery going on that I do not know about. As a result for the sake of the members of the jury who are sympathetic towards the victim the least the courts should do is grant him the restraining order.”

“OBJECTION BITCH!” was heard, I looked in the direction the voice came from to find that it was Loki, he then looked at the judge saying

“Your Honour, I do not believe that Akechi Mitsuhide should be applying for a restraining order against myself and Ares, the three of us are all minors and there is no need for a kid to be applying for a restraining order against other kids, I believe he is doing this for attention, he imagined everything, that Instagram post is fake and we will take legal action if you allow the restraining order to go through!”

Orochi slammed the podium saying “ORDER IN THE COURT! Mr Loki Asgardian you have spoken enough, do not argue with our jury members again. Tamamo, my apologies for the interruption. Do you find Da Ji guilty or not guilty of the Sexual Assault charges and Child Pornography Charges?”

Tamamo replied “We have found Da Ji guilty of Sexual Assault and Production and distribution of child pornography, however, the majority recommends mercy.”

I saw Tamamo roll her eyes, I could tell that she has tried to get us the justice we deserve.

Orochi looked at everyone saying “Loki Asgardian and Ares Olympus are acquitted of all charges and I sentence Da Ji to four months in juvenile detention” he then grabbed the hammer and hit the hammer puck to make the sentence final.

Mitsuhide soon started crying but these tears are not happy ones, they’re tears of sadness and anger.

I called out to Orochi saying “THAT IS NOT FAIR! HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT KNOWING YOU LET THEM OFF SO LIGHTLY!? THEY DESTROYED MITSUHIDE’S LIFE! AND AN ACQUITTAL FOR THE ACCOMPLICES AND A FOUR MONTH SENTENCE IS ALL YOU GIVE THEM!?  MITSUHIDE WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO LIVE THE CLOSEST POSSIBLE THING TO A NORMAL LIFE WHILE THESE CRIMINALS ARE RUNNING FREE!”

Orochi looked at me with a sullen look saying “I’m sorry, this is the best I can do…”

“FINE IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO GIVE US THE JUSTICE WE DESERVE THEN I’LL GET IT MYSELF! AND THAT IS NOT A THREAT IT IS A PROMISE!” I shouted as I picked Mitsuhide up and walked out.

Four months for raping Mitsuhide then taking a photograph of him in the nude without his consent and posting it on the internet is unbelievable! What do we get!? Stuck with the trauma and having those assholes smiling like fucking crazy because they got away with it.

“Mr Chosokabe?” I heard that which brought me back to reality, I turned around still carrying Mitsuhide bridal style.

The person calling out to me was Tamamo. She walked to me and handed me a folder “Here. I have made it a rule that any communication between the prosecution or defence and the jury must be screenshot and sent to me. If you do anything rash that could get you in bigger trouble with the law these might help you justify it. These are all of the messages from the defence bribing the majority of the jury to give a not guilty verdict or if it has to be a guilty verdict to prevent suspicion recommendation of mercy.”

Mitsuhide took the folder while I had tears in my eyes said “Thank you so much, you’re so sweet”

Tamamo giggled saying “Don’t thank me, thank Kaguya, another juror for bringing this up. She was suspicious of the defence for a while and was a bit annoyed that she wasn’t the jury forewoman, I told her that if she needed to talk to me about what was happening in the court I am happy to listen. This was what she presented. Good luck taking matters in your own hands, I will be supporting you from afar.”

I nodded as we walked to the car. I placed Mitsuhide in the middle back seat, he put his seatbelt on as I sat next to him.

Hades was driving us as he was given a note by Mitsuhide’s parents stating that they are unable to bring us to the courthouse. When Hades got in the car he then screamed loudly “FUCK YOU ZEUS YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I FUCKING HATE YOUR GUTS! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE WHY THE FUCK MUST THE WORLD LET YOU BE SO PRIVELEGED THAT YOU COULD JUST FUCK UP A FUCKING TRIAL LIKE THAT YOU FUCKING PERVERTED PLAYBOY ASSHOLE I HOPE YOU FUCKING ROT IN HELL!”

I blocked Mitsuhide’s ears as Hades screamed. When he was finished Hades looked at us with tears in his eyes saying “I’m calling your parents and asking if I can take you two somewhere for icecream and shopping to cheer you up.”

He then did so, explaining the situation, thankfully both my and Mitsuhide’s parents approved of this before we could leave a guy with silver hair and aqua streaks in his hair got in the car and looked at Hades and kissed his forehead saying

“Hey Hades, baby, what’s wrong?”

Hades looked at the guy saying “My younger brother is a privileged asshole Yang Jian… he made my mental health client lose his court case…”

Yang Jian kissed Hades’ forehead again saying “I’m guessing a repeat of us when we were sixteen? Everyone pulled the ‘they didn’t know better they’re only little’ garbage?”

Hades nodded he then said “I have asked my client and his boyfriend’s parents if I could take them out for ice cream and shopping to cheer them up. If you want you can go somewhere else while I do this”

Yang Jian looked at Hades saying “which client is it?”

“Akechi Mitsuhide” Hades replied.

Yang Jian replied “You referred Mitsuhide to the place I work for and they chose me to be his mental health support worker. This is the perfect opportunity to get to know him, even if I spend the entire time with him in silence, building rapport does not require talking at the first instance.”

Hades nodded before turning on the ignition and driving to the next town over. I’m willing to assume to keep us away from Ares and Loki so we can have some time to breathe and be happy before we get thrown through the gauntlet of bullying for trying to throw people in jail.

When we got to the mall Yang Jian looked at us asking Mitsuhide “Hey, is it okay if we just spend time together just you and me? Hades will look after Motochika for you.”

I looked at Mitsuhide who replied “O-Okay b-but if we see those two no ifs, whats or buts, I’m finding Motochika and staying with him.”

Yang Jian nodded “I understand, I want to make sure you’re comfortable and safe.” Mitsuhide put the folder in my satchel, grabbed his Lapras plush doll and his handbag and went with Yang Jian while I stayed with Hades.

I looked at Hades asking “’A repeat of us when we were sixteen’? Are you saying that this has happened before!?”

Hades nodded sadly “Yes. Not to this scale, but my parents never approved of Yang Jian, they acted like Yang Jian was a bad influence on me. I wanted to pursue a career in mental health, so did he.

My parents wanted an accountant. But because of the fact that my parents hated Yang Jian, Zeus gets to be a dick to me and not get in trouble for it.

Which sucked… and it also sucks knowing that he gets to get away with letting his son and his friends do what they want with light consequences…”

I nodded and we went to a musical instrument store because I wanted to get a new shamisen.

[veliseraptor]

why did you decide to write xue yang as having manic episodes? i ask because i also have manic episodes, and as soon as you put it into writing i was like “oh yeah that makes a lot of sense for him” but i’m not sure why???? i cant remember there being any specific indicators in cql, but was there something in the book? or does he just have such strong vibes? either way i strongly agree with this creative decision

I feel like I'm not sure I have a good answer to this other than "it just makes sense to me," unfortunately. XD I wish I had a whole lot of canon textual evidence to back me on it but I don't, really; it just felt right.

I guess if I had to root around in my brain for "things in canon that make me headcanon Xue Yang as being if not precisely bipolar having those tendencies, yes including the depressive ones" then I'd pull out stuff like his general emotional volatility, the very intense and extreme way he seems to experience high emotion, and less grounded in the text itself but still sort of: the parallels with Wei Wuxian who I think of as also having some of the same tendencies.

(I mean, we hear some about the way he works, with the hyperfocusing and not sleeping and stuff, for sure in the show; can't at the moment remember in the novel.)

but yeah this is one of those things where it wasn't so much that I look at the descriptions of Xue Yang in canon and go "oh I am going to diagnose you with x disorder based on x, x, and x" so much as me turning Xue Yang around in my head and going "hmm, this specific thing seems like the right vibes, let's go with that" and then writing into it.

which I feel like is how most of the specific ways I end up writing characters as neurodivergent happen. based on the vibes, tied to a reading of the text but not strictly based on textual evidence, if you know what I mean.

and also thank you! always a relief to know that I'm not fucking something up.

[arasbeli-blog]

New Beginningz

This is my new blog for 2021, i thought instead of writing every issue i have in my life slash just straight depression in my notes i might as well make it half public for what reason... LMAO i dont know. We will see where this goes. I love adventuring and doing fun impulsive things, getting highhhhh and drunk all the time just to like have some entertainment here in South Florida. I have bipolar ocd and adhd which could play a lot into my crazy life. I have a boyfriend right now that i think is like the love of my life and he really made my life better and enjoy every category life and a relationship has to offer. Having a big group of actual good, sturdy, CRAZY, amazing friends also makes life so much better too. Kaylee, Jordan, Addy, Zoe and a bunch more, thought id mention their names if they get mentioned later. Talking about all this great stuff there is also a bunch of crazy and shitty things that has led to this point like horrible 4 year relationships, verbally abusive temporary relationships, crazy parents. Other than it being a patch on a denim jacket, ying and yang is a real concept black and white are opposite but they coincide because white does not look as bright and blank as it does next to black. Sometimes the darkest moments and the hardest things show you the best aspects of the positive side. You would not be as appreciative for your house or car or food or even the blankets you sleep under, if there were not people living out in the cold or begging for food. Everything has a reason of happening, its cause and effect right? All summed up.. WELCOME TO SARAS BLOGS!

[hopetofantasy]

Wandering Romance

- A future with child fic -

Square Filled: Future, Family, Past lovers Ship: Sander Driesen/Robbe Ijzermans   Trigger Warnings (if applicable): none applied.   Created for @skamevents Summary: “A perfect, tight little family. But happy. Until one unfortunate day in May, in the year that David turned six.”  

In the future, Robbe and Sander have a son named David. The only tie they have left with each other, actually. Because our lovers split up years ago, due to mistakes that were made in the past.  

So is their love strong enough to sustain a healthy friendship? Will they find their way to each other again or break all connections for good?

Also available on AO3

—————————————————————

CHAPTER 2: 'No one sees what I see in you’

—————————————————————

“So this is it then?”

A beautiful boy with mesmerizing eyes lying in arms. The warmth of love. It felt like puzzle pieces finally fitting together, after months of frustration and searching for anything that might look like it. Something that had been missing for quite some time. It just didn’t add up? Long sighs, hurtful eyes, loaded silences that made them more sad than happy. Their love wasn’t strong enough to deal with this...

No, he didn’t believe that.

They were strong enough.

Just not now...

He was caressing the cheek of his lover, his best friend, his partner in crime. Another part of the pair, the amazing family they had. Fathers. Their boy. All tossed away, like it was nothing. A paper crumbled in the trash. Like they never even were. And because of what? Why? Why now? Why this? This wasn’t right. They both knew it wasn’t.

He sighed to stop the spiraling.

His hands started to clench into a fist. He was so angry at first, he was so angry and sad at the world. He was promised forever, they both promised each other that their love would survive anything. The perfect man in a beautiful white suit and him wearing the black one. Ying and yang. Always complimenting each other, begging for a deeper connection, receiving it and now cutting it away.

Like his heart.

“Is this it? Can’t we keep trying? Please?”

His eyes were staring inside those deep ones. His tanned skinned hand slightly caressing his lover’s arm. Mindlessly. They were used to pillow talk until the early morning, the sunrise. The night sky turning from dark blue to light orange hues, exactly the color he once made by accident, trying out the paint samples on his palette. A beautiful coincidence. Just like the night they met.

As if faith knew.

When the other boy didn’t answer, he just went for it. His lips trying to convey everything he felt inside the troubled mind, his hands feeling every hitched breath taken away from his other half, the softness of a wanted caress, but also the sting from nails digging in his back, the bite of pleasure, the strained movement of legs  - as if love couldn’t be felt without some pain. It suited them, he thought. Every day could be a high. Every day could be a low.

His fingers gripped the sheets of their shared bed. Sharing it for the last time.  

“Oh my god, schat”, exclaimed the one.

“I love you”, answered the other.

“I love you too”, was moaned.

“Don’t leave me, please”, was said.

A tear rolling off a heated cheek.

Kissed by soft eyelashes.

The silence that followed wasn’t wounding. It was passion, it was love, it was a high that never experienced a low. A white light behind the eyes. Stars for their lights. Something shared only between them. And never would be again.

“Let us go... please”

The whisper.

And that’s when Sander woke up from his dream.

When he started to cry.

-^-

“Papa, can I ask you something?”

“Yes, darling, always. What is it?”

“How did you and paps meet?”

Oof, that was such a loaded question for a Monday morning. And he didn’t even have his first coffee yet. His eyes instantly analyzed David’s face, which was just a pure reflection of playfulness and wonder. The tiny boy seemed to concoct something on his breakfast croissant. It looked like choco spread, decorated with speculaas cookies.

What is this? Where the hell did he get that idea? This can’t be healthy right?

“Sweetie, did you eat a hearty sandwich before shoving this in your mouth? You can’t live on sweets, you know that. You won’t grow to be a big boy, then!”

“But, papa, I like it. Can I have this, like... one time?”

Oh no, not the puppy eyes.

He was a real manipulator with those big brown orbs. The kid was 9 years old, for God’s sake, how could he be this smart? He knew exactly how to play the game to convince them of mischievous things, things that were bad for him and stuff they needed to say ‘no’ to. But it was sooo rewarding to just say ‘yes’. Just to see the beautiful grin creep up onto the face he loved so much.

Something Sander wanted to collect in a jar and pull out whenever he had his ‘cloudy days’. David didn’t understand the concept of bipolarity yet, so once he was old enough to notice something, they had sat him down to explain. “David, sweetie. You know how papa is sometimes a bit different?”, Robbe tried to approach the subject, while their son stared with unsung tears in his eyes.

“Yeah, he lies on the bed and sleeps and don’t eat and is very, very sad. I don’t understand. Does papa hate me? Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry...”

If the room was a stethoscope, the family would’ve heard a heart breaking. It was one thing that Robbe had to deal with his mania and depression. Now another innocent soul was being corrupted by his stupid brain and Sander just couldn’t deal with that. The pain he might induce, the worry in his soul almost growing too much. But as always, his other half seemed to know what to do. While holding his hand, to anchor him back to this world, Robbe explained.

“No, darling. Papa will always love you. Even if you did bad things. But now you didn’t do anything wrong, okay? You see, people have a bright sun inside them. And sometimes that happy, beautiful sun will have clouds blocking their light. Clouds who bring in bad weather, like being tired, not being hungry, not wanting to talk, have sad thoughts, just wanting to sleep all the time. And that’s okay. Because after a few days of rain, comes the sunshine, right?”

“And sometimes a rainbow!”, their beautiful boy exclaimed.

A couple of teeth missing in the front, but his smile was beaming nonetheless. It melted their hearts. “Yes,” Sander whispered softly. If he wasn’t sure about how much he loved his curly angels before, he knew now. When did he become so lucky to have such beautiful love? Him and his loving partner hugging their soft boy, giggling all together, without a care in the world. A fulfilling life.

Perfection.

“Papa, are you there?”

Sander blinked back some tears, while trying to focus on the situation at hand. David was glaring at him, already halfway through the disgustingly sweet croissant in his hands. Some crumbs were falling down the plate. And the choco paste tainting his pink cheeks. The look in his face was peculiar, like he tried to figure out what his dad was thinking. If he was going ‘cloudy’.

“David... I do remember that I never told you ‘yes’, right?”

The answer was a simple shrug.

“You didn’t answer my question about paps, either. C’est la vie.”

To say that Sander was perplexed, is an serious understatement.

-^-

When Sander was thirteen, he knew.

He wasn’t normal.

This was way before he was diagnosed with bipolarity, but that wasn’t the only thing not fitting the ‘standard normal’. He knew the boys in his class and he simply didn’t like them. They were all talking about video games, Call Of Duty: Black Ops, while eating their weight in greasy snacks and referring to girls like pieces of meat. Making jokes about what they learned from their older siblings or watching too much nighttime television.

And he didn’t.

He liked to write, he wanted to be a writer someday. And paint. Drawing was amazing. Sander loved walking around with cut jeans, graphic band t-shirts and a bleached buzzcut. One day, he’d love to have a pierced eyebrow. That was considered cool in his book. Maybe his career would be ‘rock-and-roll’ artist, since he played the drums too. Something to get his energy out.

Because he had ADHD.

At least, that’s what his doctor said. He just wanted different things than others and sometimes all at once. Was that weird? Apparently so. But he wasn’t entirely convinced about having the disorder. It sounded ill-fitting. Like a shrunken skinny jeans in the dryer, the broken mug in his room where he put his discarded pencils. It didn’t make sense.

Because he was who he was.

He liked who he was.

But who was he exactly?

He knew the day he changed schools. His mom somehow knew, the way only mothers do, that the previous school wasn’t the right fit for him. His course orientation was ‘sciences’ and he almost failed everyone of his classes. Sander was struggling to keep afloat. Almost drowning at the formulas and facts and figures. Those were more abstract to him than art. Art made sense, somehow?

And that’s why his mom send him to an art school.

There he saw people with asymmetric hair, nose rings and cut t-shirts. Girls with alluring auras, rainbow shoes and paint covered arms. Boys with mesmerizing eyes, fresh make-up and decorated backpacks. Beautiful souls who talked about art like breathing. Who understood things like writer’s block, portrait frustration and tunnel vision.

And he fell in love with them, all of them.

His people.

It took him a few years to understand what else made him special. Because he did fall in love with people’s souls, their auras, instead of a specific gender. It was a highlight in his life when he figured that one out. He finally knew another piece of the puzzle. Life was complicated, but knowing something more about yourself, made it so much easier.

His first crush was on a dark skinned boy from his drawing class. He didn’t reciprocate feelings, but liked Sander as a friend. Ekon appreciated the way Sander caught him in his art pieces. Complimented him on how he perfectly attained his off-beat smile, when someone made a joke at his expense. He was a quiet boy. But a boy, nonetheless.

And then there was Saartje. An unconventional girl, even for an art school. She seemed to walk around like an ice queen surrounded by raging fires. Hated every thing he suggested to lift her sculptures to a new level, always answering his comments with a cold stare. Such a soft girly name for such a raging bitch.

And Sander couldn’t help but fall.

Hard.

Without parachute.

But she used that to her advantage.

His love was treated as an exchange. If Sander would shut up about his newest passion called David Bowie, she’d give him a kiss. When he asked her on a date, she would think about it. Maybe if Sander could persuade the teacher to give her a better grade? And if he paid? Being the hormonal teenager he was, he obliged. And he believed. He was tricked into uncertain love.

Something he carried with him.

Especially after his eventual diagnosis. He dated Britt. He thought he deserved this kind of love. The uncertainty, the doubt, the hardships. It was all his brain’s fault, for being the way he was. Love? Love was something to be earned, not to be given. And nobody would give that up so easily for someone as broken as him.

Until that one boy,

in the moonlight.

He never saw true beauty ‘til this night.

And his heart,

did love as true again.

-^-

“Do you want any help with that?”

“Papa, I know how to make myself look like Bowie, you know.”

Sander snorted. He was truly a son of his, wasn’t he? This tiny boy was sitting on a high chair, right in front of a mirror, attempting to put on the make-up in a dramatic way. The tip of his tongue spilling out his lips, trying very hard to focus. He couldn’t stop staring at this sight, which filled him with pride. He must have taught him well.

The next generation was secured.

“Dad, stop staring at me and go find my other dad.”, David said sternly.

Ok, but who was the parent in this relationship exactly? Sometimes Sander didn't know. Yet, catching the eye of the supervisor right behind him, he was sure that everything was going to be a-okay. Maybe he did needed to find Robbe and the boys. It’ll do him some good. It had been ages since they had some real interaction that wasn’t through a phone.

It wasn’t difficult to spot them through the crowd of curious adults. The exaggerated screaming at each other was enough. Robbe had been pulled into the biggest hug by Milan, flanked by a jumping Moyo, giggling Aaron and a serious Jens. It sounded like the weirdest end of the world. But the feeling that coursed through his heart wasn’t unusual.

Pride.

For what they all achieved.

How they all stayed together.

Through hell and back.

Moyo had, somehow, become a successful club owner of a couple of nightlife establishments all around the city. From an only-known-by-initiates speakeasy to a high paid, high-end sky club, he knew what he wanted to do with his life and brought it to the table. Jens, on the other hand, went on a totally different route. After failing to start a few start-ups, he became g a video editing/sound mix freelancer and stay-at-home dad to help his lawyer-wife.

Aaron was still on the grind as a social worker, working until late at night to fight for the hardest cases. “These people deserve a happy ending”, he’d always say. And Sander couldn’t agree more.

Last but not least, Milan. The interior designer with an ecological mind. He had helped them out with the decoration of their home, which was totally picture perfect. And still cheap as f.

After the whole ordeal of greeting, Robbe seemed to have a huge smile plastered on his face. That was good, Sander though. Lately he looked so lost, certainly in Sander’s neighborhood. And he didn’t know why. As far as he knew, he didn’t say or do anything wrong. On the contrary. He’d encouraged Robbe to bring Wouter along, saying it was totally okay to find love again.

Where was that bastard, anyways?

“Heeeeeey, Jack Frost!”, the entire group turned towards him and engulfed him into an instant hug. Causing a lot of high pitched giggling, ‘omg, your hand is on my butt’-s and eye rolls. The warmth next to him was familiar, though. As was the scent. Which made his heart drum a little harder, like it wasn’t stating the obvious already. Pulling away, the electrified gaze lingered.

“How are you?”, the one asked.

“I’m good.”, the other answered.

He wanted to know more. Sander always wanted to know more. His heart never stopped beating for this boy, so everything he would say, would be engraved in his soul. His broken mind. His eternal love. That would never change. Even through the pain, he knew that they belonged together. That it was neither fault. Life just happened.

Like always.

But before he could ask anything else, a woman approached the brown haired man. Some colorful glasses, a beautiful classic dress and an intrigued smile on her face. Robbe immediately greeted her as ‘Mrs. Raymaeckers’. “I saw David backstage. Are you ready to see the performance, Mr. Ijzermans?”, she politely asked. Robbe slowly nodded his head with a careful smile.

“Ofcourse, David is going to be amazing, he was bouncing off the walls about this. I’m interested in what he’s going to play...”

“Ah yes. The David Bowie thing. He’s truly special, isn’t he? Unique in some ways.”, she giggled, while wrapping her hand around his arm. Causing a lot of heads unsubtly turning towards the gesture.

“I love how he has such a playful spirit. Does he have that from his father or his mother?”. She blinked rapidly. Auburn hair tossed over her shoulder. A beaming smile.

Wait...

Was she...

Trying to flirt with him?

A potential married man?

Sander saw how the other boys desperately held in their laughs. Some of them failed. Robbe’s cheeks reddened slightly, like he didn’t know how to answer this delicate question.

She just assumed he was straight?

That was such heteronormativity.

It irked the beach blonde man, that people could still think this way, like a child couldn’t have two fathers or mothers?

“He has that from me, actually.”

Six pairs of eyes bore into his. Most of them applauding the ballsy move on his part, one of them grateful for this way out. The last one, however, went through a whole process.

Confusion, calculation, realization and shame.

“Oh... I’m sorry.”, Mrs. Raymaeckers sheepishly stated. "I didn’t know. I just assumed... Ahem. Well, I’m gonna check the rest. Bye, Mr Ijzermans. Bye, Mr-”

“Driesen.”, he answered coldly.

“Bye, Mr. Driesen.” And with that, she was gone. As fast as the wind.

He didn’t like it.

He just didn’t.

How people could still think the way they did, how they would just come up to potential married men and flirt with them? How was that okay?

He knew he was clenching his fist, because of the pain. Fingernails making tiny half moons. It stung. Jealousy and anger tasting like poison in his mouth. His stare trying to find a fixated spot to calm his breathing.

He found it in some deep brown eyes.

A cautious smile coming towards him. He knew. Robbe always knew what Sander needed, even when he didn’t know himself. He was intuitive that way. His beautiful man, such a perfect human. The father of his child. And he couldn’t help, but sigh. Breathing slowly, heart thumping. A small caress around his fist, trying to soften the harsh ache. Only making the ache in his heart greater.

“Robbe”, he whispered silently.

“Yeah, Sander?”

He didn’t say anything more. He couldn’t. Robbe needed to live his own life, making his own mistakes, battle his own prejudices. Feeling his own real love. So Sander just stood there. Looking at the face he adored the most and he started to notice something. It almost looked like Robbe was anticipating this, was waiting for some kind of answer, some kind of truth.

And that's when they heard it.

A David Bowie lookalike coming onto the stage.

Childlike coughing in the microphone.

The first notes of a guitar riff.

The scratchy start of ‘doodoodoo''.

The song.

David Bowie.

The sign.

“You've got your mother in a whirl She's not sure if you're a boy or a girl Hey babe, your hair's alright Hey babe, let's go out tonight You like me, and I like it all We like dancing and we look divine You love bands when they're playing hard You want more and you want it fast They put you down, they say I'm wrong You tacky thing, you put them on.

Rebel rebel, you've torn your dress Rebel rebel, your face is a mess Rebel rebel, how could they know? Hot tramp, I love you so!”

[teevzieforthetea]

Y'all I realised something

Here's Halsey in the boy with love music video. This dark purple to orange hair is quite something rt? And the lollipop ofc

Well take a look at this

Here's Yoongi from wayyy back with, guess what, purple and orange hair and the same lollipop.

Sorry, BigHit has completely destroyed my ability to look at cinematic parallels without wondering if there's a theory in there.

Not to mention that Suga recently collabed with Halsey on her album MANIC (go stream it, the song is Suga's Interlude) which is based on her experience with being Bipolar . Which is, literally speaking, a flip side. Like two sides of a coin? Yin and yang? Male and female?

(Disclaimer: I'm not trying to romanticize a mental health issue, I'm only forming a theory because I thought it was interesting, I mean no harm and no disrespect so please take things with a grain of salt ok? Ok.)

So there's a bunch of theories about how BigHit has played around with alot of psychology and phylosophy concepts with their multiverse in relation to their groups BTS, TXT and G-friend. An often talked about theory is of Anima & Animus by Carl Hyung. An Anima is the unconscious feminine in a male and an Animus is the unconscious masculine in a female.

Keeping that in mind, Suga's collaboration with Halsey on an album that could litrally be a representation of her mind could be an indication of him being Halsey's Animus.

Idk that was my latest 1 am mind fart I hope it made some sense to somebody somewhere.

[calzona-ga]

SPOILER ALERT: The story includes details about the season-finale episode of ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy. While it wasn’t the planned ending, tonight’s Season 16 finale of ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy, written by Mark Driscoll and Tameson Duffy and directed by Deborah Pratt, was fitting. Indeed, this season was cut short due to the halting of production in response to the COVID-19 pandemic.

You can’t be the longest-running medical drama on television without overcoming some challenges, and Grey’s already has proved its ability to pivot when the unexpected happens. The production shutdown was is the second major curveball for the show this season after original cast member Justin Chambers’ abrupt exit. No word on whether the four unproduced episodes from Season 16 will roll over to the next season. But this episode, titled “Put on a Happy Face,” had enough to tide us over until Season 17.

Let’s start on a positive highlight. After Richard (James Pickens Jr.) experienced hallucinations as well as a very intense and very public breakdown, fans feared that they might be losing another veteran Grey/Sloane surgeon. Determined not to accept his Alzheimer’s diagnosis, Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo) and Andrew DeLuca (Giacomo Gianniotti) worked around the clock to pinpoint the problem, with DeLuca coming through with a game-changing discovery: His dementia was a result of cobalt poisoning from a hip replacement surgery.

Not a hard fix. Dr. Link (Chris Carmack) was brought in to remove the cobalt, and it appears that Webber is on the road to recovery with his health. However, his marriage to Catherine is not out of the danger zone. Turns out the hallucinations had nothing to do with his marital discord. “Did you stand by me while I was being fired? You buy my hospital to humiliate me, or is that my mind playing tricks, too,” Webber contends before sternly kicking Catherine out of the room.

Meanwhile, DeLuca, who has been exhibiting erratic behavior and angry outbursts all season, isn’t able to bask in his incredible catch. Instead, has a breakdown of his own — signaling that it might be time to address his bipolar disorder-like symptoms, which are similar to his father’s.

DeLuca and Grey have become quite the medical duo this season but still couldn’t figure out how to make their romantic relationship work. It’s unclear where that will land next season as a new contender entered midseason — and he goes by the name of Dr. Cormac Hayes (Richard Flood). The two seem to have a connection, though it appears to be on a friendly level at this point (Hayes was a present sent to Meredith by “her person” Cristina Yang). Could this be the next Grey’s love triangle?

Elsewhere, Amelia Shepherd (Caterina Scorsone) finally had her baby! And she opted not to have an epidural because she’s an addict, and the epidural has fentanyl in it. While baby daddy Link wasn’t able to be present during the birth (he was performing the surgery on Webber), she had fellow “pregnancy club” sister Miranda Bailey (Chandra Wilson) by her side. The two share a tender moment when Bailey hops on the bed to support Amelia as she is giving birth, calling back to the time when late George O’Malley (T. R. Knight) did the same for Bailey during her labor back in Season 2.

Alas, not everyone got a happy ending. Owen Hunt (Kevin McKidd) and Teddy Altman (Kim Raver) were set to walk down the aisle, but Teddy needed her one last go-round with Tom Koracick (Greg Germann). Unbeknownst to her, she somehow recorded it and sent it to Owen, who had to endure the embarrassment of hearing it while in the OR surrounded by his colleagues. The wedding eventually is postponed, with Owen giving the excuse that he was pulled into surgery last-minute. In typical Grey’s fashion, there is never a wedding without drama.

Deadline spoke with Grey’s Anatomy showrunner Krista Vernoff, who unpacked the final episode, hinted at what’s to come next season and revealed what storylines she wished they were able to air this season. She also weighed in on the fan reactions to Alex Karev’s controversial exit.

DEADLINE: The Season 16 ender wasn’t what was expected, but like you said in your tweet, it was very satisfying, and a fitting Grey’s ending. How do you plan on carrying over the storyline to next season, or is there a plan to carry over the storyline from the last four episodes to next season? KRISTA VERNOFF: I have not formulated that plan yet. In about four weeks, I’m going to get in a room with the writers, and we’re going to talk about all of it. I know that a lot us are having brainstorms since we have so much time at home. A lot of us are texting each other, and going, “Oh, what if we did this? What if we do that?” So I have a feeling that their stories are going to change some, from what we had planned, and that we’ll repurpose some of what we had written and use it in the early episodes of Season 17.

DEADLINE: The production shut down was the second major curveball for the show, after Justin Chambers’ exit. What were your thoughts on the reaction to his exit?VERNOFF: Well, you know, I haven’t been commenting on this much, but I just did an Instagram Live where I said that, so, I’ll say it to you too. I believe that there would’ve been at least as big an outcry if we had killed that character off-camera, and those were our choices. It was kill the character off-camera, or come up with some believable way that he gets his happily ever after, and some of the fans have posited, ‘well he could have just been off-screen in Seattle like April Kepner, but then you’ve got an actress on the show who doesn’t get to do any of the fun, sexy, playful thrill that we’re known for, then you penalize the actors who are staying on the show by limiting what you could do creatively with them. So I was really proud of that episode. I think Elisabeth Finch did an extraordinary job with a nearly impossible task.

That episode made me cry. It made me laugh. I felt really deeply. I felt satisfaction, and I will say that I have received a great many comments from fans who felt the same way, but the angry people are always the loudest ones.

I wasn’t surprised by the fan reaction, but I know it would’ve been equally angry if I had killed him — so it was like, these are your choices, and I felt really happy with what we chose.

DEADLINE: The fact that you didn’t kill the character off also leaves the door open that we might see them in the future. So is there any chance of [Justin Chambers] or Katherine Heigl, ever coming back? VERNOFF: When I left the show in Season 7, people asked me if there was any chance of me ever coming back, and I was smart enough to say, “Never say never.” Here I am, so who knows?

DEADLINE: Jo was able to accept Alex’s decision in a short amount of time and come to terms with everything. Did that have anything to do with her character’s stint in the psychiatric hospital, at the beginning of the season? VERNOFF: Yes. Jo had had such a dramatic, emotional, painful arc, the second half of Season 15. None of the writers, frankly, none of us wanted to see her go back down into a hole. One of the things about the way the character was written off is that she had a lot of time to wonder, and to fear the worst, and I have found in life that when you have a lot of time to wonder and fear the worst, then when you get an answer, even if it’s terrible news, it feels better than not knowing. And it helps you move on, more quickly.

DEADLINE: I want to just touch on Richard’s illness. Is it safe to say that he’s out of the danger zone? Also, did his illness contribute to anything that had to do with his relationship with Catherine? And what can we expect from that couple in the future?We’ll start with the illness — is he in the safe zone now that they’ve caught it early and treated it? VERNOFF: Yes, and I thought that that was one of the most amazing things about this diagnosis was that the cobalt poisoning thing is real and it really can cause all of those symptoms. It can cause dementia-like symptoms. It can cause Parkinson’s-like symptoms —  tremors, hallucinations — and the amazing thing about it is that once you diagnose it, and you get the leaky hip out of your body, you can recover, totally. That felt, just as the storyteller, an amazing thing because it let us give Jim Pickens this really rich, rich material, without us having to permanently disable his character. I think that that was an amazing ride for the fans, because the outcry of we’re showing symptoms that don’t feel like they have cures.

There’s not really a cure for Parkinson’s. There’s not a cure for Alzheimer’s. So I know everyone was in a panic, and so, we got to tell this really satisfying story, and we got to let people know that sometimes, there’s another diagnosis for those symptoms, which we found fascinating, as a group of writers who write medicine, that it’s so rare to see something this satisfying.

DEADLINE: Did the symptoms from the cobalt poisoning have anything to do with his attitude toward Catherine? What’s in store for them? Can we still hold out hope for that couple? VERNOFF: I think you can always hold out hope for any couple on Grey’s Anatomy. You never know where it’s going, and I think that the way we designed this was that the fracture, the real fracture in Catherine and Richard’s relationship predated the cobalt poisoning.

So the way we imagined it was that, with the depression, everyone thought it was related to his divorce, and it was actually a symptom of cobalt poisoning. And then the tremors were a symptom of cobalt poisoning, and then the hallucinations, so that when he forgave her, he forgave her in a hallucination. And when he was well, he remembered the actual events from his life, for which he has not yet forgiven her. The reason that I hold out most for that couple is that Catherine rediscovered her deep and profound love for Richard when she almost lost him. I think that that may enable her to apologize in the way that Richard will need to hear.

DEADLINE: Speaking of forgiveness, in true Grey’s fashion, there’s never a wedding without any drama, as we saw with Teddy and Owen. We’ve seen their relationship woes throughout the series, and this season felt like they were going to finally get it together and find each other and have their happy ending. Why haven’t they quite found that happy ending, and can Owen forgive Teddy? VERNOFF: I think that those are questions that we will have to explore in Season 17. I will say that of all the storylines that were left hanging, that is the one that I was the most disappointed about. Actually, there were two: I’m disappointed that I cannot give Teddy — we had an episode coming up where we were able to better articulate and better understand what’s prompting Teddy’s behavior, and we don’t get to air it. Who knows, maybe it’s going to change between now and when we’ll actually shoot it for Season 17, but I feel for Kim Raver. The amount of standing is high, and we’ve left her in a strange place. It’s compelling, and why? Your question is big. Why? Why would she sabotage — why, when she was finally getting her happy ending, did she sabotage it? I think it’s the super-rich area personally.

And then the other story that I was really disappointed that we couldn’t complete — and I will tell you that I haven’t told this to anyone else, but we did a story where there as a victim of human trafficking, like two episodes ago, and DeLuca we got recognized it but he was in such a mentally compromised, manic state that nobody listened to him and the girl left. We had an episode where she comes back, and I am really sad that we can’t air that episode this season because it felt important to offer that kind of hope to people who are living that experience. I may still complete that story next season.

DEADLINE: I want to touch on DeLuca, who has gone through this really rocky journey with Meredith this season. Although they haven’t really been able to figure out their personal relationship, they’ve proven to be a great medical team. What can you tease about this couple? Last season, we talked about Meredith being ready for love. What can we tease about this couple in the future? Is somebody else going to throw a wrench in everything? Somebody by the name of Hayes? VERNOFF: There is hope for Meredith and DeLuca, and I think that there is hope for Meredith and Hayes. I will be fascinated to see how that storytelling emerges in season 17 because this story played in a way that I didn’t picture. You know, you write a thing, and then the actors play it, and then it gets all put together, and then you know what the story is. You don’t know how it’s going to play when you write it. It’s been amazing for me to watch this story this season. I feel like Giacomo has been so compelling, and DeLuca has risen so much, and simultaneously, Hayes has been really compelling and feels very much like Meredith’s equal. At this point, I’, not even sure which couple I’m rooting for, and that’s always an exciting thing.

DEADLINE: Yeah. We love our love triangles on Grey’s. VERNOFF: Yeah. Yeah.

DEADLINE: One couple might have found their happy ending, it seems, is Amelia and Link. The birth of the baby was such a nice ending to a season full of ups and downs. Was that one thing you were excited about? To see Amelia who had her complications with her first pregnancy, and this one turned out fine. VERNOFF: Yeah. I love that story and I am so grateful that … we got to air it this season. It would’ve been really a bummer if we hadn’t made it there, this season. So, that was just luck and I’m grateful that it was in that episode. I love that scene where Bailey gets in the bed with Amelia, and we call back to when George got in the bed with Bailey and it’s just so beautiful. It was pitched by Meg Mooney, who’s been with the show for 15 years. It made me cry when she pitched it, and it makes me cry every time I watch it. I, like everyone else, at this point really am loving Link and Amelia, and I was so happy. That ending for them felt so hard won this season.

DEADLINE: Is the next season being envisioned as the final season since it’s the second of the two-year pickup, or are you guys having conversations about potentially more seasons? VERNOFF: You know, what I always say to this question, is my answer again today, and that is: I will not start planning the end of Grey’s Anatomy until Shonda [Rhimes] and Ellen and ABC all sit down together, tell me that this really the end this time. The truth is those conversations might be being had if we weren’t dealing with a global pandemic, but everyone’s gone home, and I suspect we’ll start talking about that in a month, or two.

DEADLINE: Speaking of this global pandemic, obviously Grey’s is known for taking things that are happening in the world, and incorporating it into the series. Are there any plans to reflect on this current pandemic on the show for next season? VERNOFF: I haven’t had a minute yet to sit with the writers and talk about it. So, we’re all at home, and we’re on hiatus, but in about four weeks, we’ll gather, and we’ll talk about it. I have a hard time imagining that we don’t have to acknowledge this massive thing that we’ve all gone through, in our fictional world, too, but I have no idea how. I don’t know what it’s going to look like.

DEADLINE: Station 19 — we still have more episodes coming with that series. Are we going to see any of the Grey’s characters in the final couple of episodes? VERNOFF: Yes. Happily, yes, you are. The Grey’s characters are all over the last two episodes of Station 19. So, that is a really nice treat for the fans, too. Many of our Grey’s characters are in Episodes 15 or 16 on Station 19.

[skammovistarplus]

what are your theories on joana's disappearance or her life in general? ive seen some people say it was because of a mental health disorder like bipolar or that she was an alcoholic. what are your thoughts on this?

Hi, anon!

Well, I’m torn. The reason Even (the character Joana is based on) was bipolar in the og, was because Isak’s character arc revolved around his acceptance both of his sexuality and of his mentally ill mom. Cris doesn’t have that character arc (Lucas has kept this trait) and so, to me, it doesn’t make sense that Joana would be mentally ill. It wouldn’t serve Cris’ storyline in the way it served Isak’s. 

On the other hand, Cris’ season is clearly referencing og s3. I would still argue that it has been heavily remixed and adapted so that it makes sense for Cris’ character arc. So far, Cris’ character arc has to do with her being unable to take other people’s feelings, or her own, seriously. This is a theme that has been expressed over and over. Dani keeps telling Cris she gets in trouble and then lets others pick up the pieces for her. He keeps telling her that she gets away with everything. He says he can’t have sex with Rubén and then ghost him without explanation. Joana tells Cris that love is something that is serious and transcendental, not just hooking up with someone over the weekend and done. She tells Cris that love is complicated and that people suffer for love.

Additionally, this is exactly what Cris did to Hugo in episode 1. She ruined his birthday party because she wanted to have some fun with stolen pills, and then she had to be forced into apologizing to him. Cris knows Hugo is a sweetheart who is head over heels for her, and whose heart she broke, and she still had to be talked into apologizing for his birthday party going to shit.

I know this answer is more about Cris than about Joana, but Joana is meant to be the yang to Cris’ yin, so I thought it would be a good idea to talk about Cris’ character arc and personality.

Anyway, I would say a lot of signs point to Joana having some type of MI, from her behavior, to the way she talks about her former friends, to the way Eloy talks about her, to Pedro’s anvil-sized hints, and so on. 

[ober-affen-geil]

Roswell New Mexico New York Comic Con 2019 Cast Hollywood News Source Round Table Interview: Jeanine Mason and Nathan Dean Parsons

Note: this is a “round table” so there is more than one interviewer. I have differentiated them where I can but they do not identify themselves in the video and I had difficulty keeping track of them, so my accuracy is most likely minimal.

Transcript:

Nathan, to the interviewer: That’s amazing.

Jeanine, to the interviewer: Impressed!

Interviewer 1: We were all impressed earlier!

Nathan, overlapping: It’s like one of those spy cams that you [gestures towards his breast pocket] that’s awesome -

Jeanine: Truly, straight out of Kingsman.

Nathan: [laughs] Exactly!

Interviewer 2: Well, good morning!

Jeanine: Good morning!

Nathan: Morning.

Jeanine: Thank you for being here this early.

Nathan: Yeah.

Interviewer 2: It’s great, now we get to play panel, so it works out!

Jeanine: Exactly. [unintelligable]

Interviewer 1: So between um - how excited were you to know that Liz is gonna be like, a person of color?

Jeanine: Oh! Yeah so excited. I, I was...working on Grey’s Anatomy at the time and was just going into pilot season like “this is gonna be my year, I wanna reach for something that feels like almost too much of a gift for me to have right now where I’m at in my career”, and that was this one. I read it and I’m like “damn”. She’s such a firecracker, she’s so massively intelligent that it’s still like hard to wrap my mind around. And um, and she honors her Latinaness, you know? She, she is - it’s at the forefront of everything she does and she goes with it. So I thought “oh that’s fun” and it has been, especially early in my career a lot of characters that maybe were Latina but didn’t speak from it or acknowledge it as much as Liz does I mean it’s part of everything she does so. It was for sure the job it felt like “ok well lets go for this one, balls to the walls, and if we end up doing one of these it will be cool, but eventually we’ll get a job like that” and then when it worked out it was just like. A dream. It’s been a dream. Yeah. 

Interviewer 1, to another interviewer: You didn’t get to ask a question last time so -

Interviewer 3: Um, my question is for Nathan um, since you guys are finally a couple now -

Jeanine: Yes.

Interviewer 3: What do you, what do you enjoy about that? Aspect. On the show.

Nathan: About, on the show? I mean it’s, it’s difficult because we had such a brief period of time where we -

Jeanine: Where we were, yeah!

Nathan: Where we were actually together and then I...died. And so it’s, you know, it sucks! But…[laughs] So I’m, I’m excited if I do end up coming back, I’m excited to rediscover that and hopefully be able to, you know we kind of get a chance to start over in a way, and um, rediscover that connection a whole ‘nother time. And that’s very exciting. ‘Cus it can - it’ll shift in different ways and, and you know. That’ll be fun to explore. 

Interviewer 2: If you come back.

Nathan: If I come back, right. 

Jeanine: I know, we’re shooting episode 5 right now, and we’ve only shot one scene together. 

Nathan: Yeah, all season.

Jeanine, overlapping: So we’re like -

Nathan: Yeah, so yeah it’s definitely been a change, uh, yeah we’ll see what happens. 

Interviewer 1: I want to talk just a little bit about your um, upcoming relationship and rediscovering it with your sister -

Jeanine: Yeah!

Interviewer 1: Who is now back [to Nathan] thank you, 

Nathan: You’re welcome, you’re welcome.

Interviewer 1: One of my favorite moments in season 1 is when you’re getting ready for the gala and you’re sitting in your room and just staring at, you know, the emptiness of the other half of the room, and so I want to talk about the journey of coming home, this homecoming journey that you had in season 1, and how much you change in just coming to terms with losing your sister and what the town’s attitude is, but now going back into season 2, having to sort of readjust everything you’ve come to know about this character and like, where she got to in season 1.

Jeanine: Totally. I mean it was so exciting in season 1 to think about what being, you know, 10 years older than my older sister? Which is a line I say in season 2. And it was just, that adjustment of you know, she is still very much dealing with the heavy stuff she was dealing with as a 19 year old when she lost her life, and uh, she’s not well. She [unintelligable] bipolar disorder and she’s struggling with that, she has an addiction problem and those are still things that are a part of her life. But relationship and make juxtaposition of the joy of having her back and getting to physically hold her, complications of like, there’s big secrets, how do I make sure I’m taking care of you and being ok while I’m trying to save him. Do something that’s impossible and do it in a timely manner. So that, that has all - that’s felt very much in the pocket of the sic-finess of the show which has been really fun to honor. And then I just love Amber Midthunder with like every ounce of my being. And we do, we do look a lot alike -

Interviewer 1: You do.

Jeanine: Just off the top. But now this weird thing is happening ‘cus I mean, in the absence of Max I’ve had so, most of my scenes have been with Rosa and working with her and uh, it’s gotten to a point where we’re like sharing mannerisms and we like, we’re freaking out the crew it just like, starting to like, get more and more like each other -

Interviewer 1: Well, you have a great sibling dynamic to keep with so.

Jeanine: You know, exactly! Step into. No it’s been so fun! ‘Cus we’re just like finding nuances like that, even unintentionally where we’re like [gestures] “ha ha!” and like both throw our heads in the same direction and it’s like “are you guys fucking [unintelligable]?” I don’t know. So it’s been so fun. So fun. 

Interviewer 3: What was the challenge like of creating your own Max compared to the Jason Behrs’ Max? 

Nathan: Uh, we’ll it helped being 10 years older than the original Max. Um you know, who we are in high school changes so drastically in the first 10 years when you have to leave high school and you realize the world doesn’t end then. And then you have to get a job, and then that has its own problems, and then you have family issues to deal with, and then you - you know so, I was able to actually start with quite a clean slate um. And just build a whole 10 year history that no one has seen before, right? And that, for me, allowed me to have a jumping off point that I wouldn’t have had if they were like “you’re 18 again, just pick up where the other one left off!” And it’s like I’m just rewatch every episode you know. Study everything.

Jeanine: Just want to get a facial.

Nathan: [laughs] Lemme get a peel so I don’t look 40. Um, and uh, yeah. So it’s, it was a blessing to have the opportunity to start as an adult and work backwards instead of start as, from 18 and try and work forward. 

Jeanine: That plays into the relationships too, like both with Rosa and with us finding each other again is that we are adults and it’s like, there’s more preciousness, you really know what it means to have a relationship in your life that’s like a [unintelligable] in your life, you know like a pillar, so the fighting for it, the...feels much more desperate, you know? 

Nathan: Well you also just have a better understanding of loss. 

Jeanine: Yeah. That too.

Nathan: You know? When your 18, the biggest thing you lose is like, a football game or like, you know, your prom date says no. And that’s the end of the world! You know? And when you’re 28, you’ve probably lost friends, you’ve lost loved ones, you know, if you’ve lost a lot more, and that makes what you can then gain so much more valuable and precious. So it really just opens up the world of you know, the yin and yang of what you can play with. 

Jeanine: Yeah. It feels bigger. 

Interviewer 1: Thank you very much guys.

Jeanine and Nathan: Thank you!

Jeanine: See you soon!