#but yea like i work all day and then i can come home and create or think about what projects i wanna do my work/life balance is pretty nice

[hauntedwoman]

did not think me getting a job would actually help my mental health but here we are

[obsessedvibee]

Can't Sleep

MDNI, 18+, NSFW

Pairing: Austin Butler x reader

Warnings: lots of dirty talk, m. masturbation, f. masturbation, humping a pillow

Words: 1.6k

Summary: Austin is in Paris promoting Dune part 2 and he can't sleep in his hotel. He calls his girl to chat and things get dirty real fast. Phone sex ensues.

Authors Note: It's been way too long since I've written for Austin. Something about imagining him rubbin' one out just does something to me. So I thought I'd make everyone else suffer too. You're welcome. Comments & reblogs appreciated!

Enjoy!

He tossed the remote to the other side of the bed defeatedly. Flipping through the few channel options on the hotel tv could only entertain him for so long. Looking over at the clock the red number taunted him showing 4am. Being up for the last almost 36 hours would tire out most people but his body wouldn’t let go of consciousness. The jet lag certainly wasn’t helping either. His thoughts flickered to her. Doing the math in his head; she’d only be at 10pm in New York with Paris being six hours ahead. She should be home from work now. Finished with dinner.

He reached for his phone, quickly finding her in his contacts, before pressing it to his ear. The line crackled before it began to ring. His fingers mindlessly played with the string from the waistband of his sweats as he waited for her to pick up.

“Hello?” 

Her voice sounded small and distant through the line and he hated it.

“Y/N, hi,” he rasped.

“Hi.”

A bit of rustling sounded on the other end as she sat up from the couch she was more than likely dosing off on.

“You sound tired,” he said, suddenly feeling guilty, “I should let you sleep.”

“No, no it’s fine,” she assured him, “I think I’m more bored than tired.”

He knew she was lying. She’d fallen asleep on that couch so many times when he’s home with her. Never being able to finish a whole movie without hearing her soft snores as she slept. 

He was a little jealous if he was being honest with himself. He was never one of those people that could just pass out as soon as they close their eyes. Even more so if it wasn’t his own bed. 

“Have you slept at all since you left?”

He sighed, “no.”

“Aus,” she said sympathetically. 

He ran a hand over his face. 

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

He hummed, “tell me about your day.”

And she did. From her drive to work to how much the phone rang, how her boss had gotten on her nerves, what she got for lunch, how her feet hurt from her new heels she bought the other day, her drive home, how she had to go back out to get chicken for dinner from the grocery store that she forgot to get yesterday. Every detail she rambled on about, but he didn’t mind. It made him feel less alone. Less like he was on the other side of the world.

“Hey, Austin?”

“Hm?”

“I’m gonna set you down for a sec, I gotta pee.”

He chuckled, “m'kay.”

He heard the clank of her setting the phone down, and he pulled his phone away from him for a minute checking the time. 4:30. At least the time was moving a little faster now. 

Putting the phone on speaker, he checked a few emails while he waited when his phone chimed, with her name coming across the banner with a new text.

Leave it to her to text the person she’s currently chatting with.

Clicking on the banner, his phone swapped apps to the text. 

But it wasn’t a text.

His heart rate rose as his eyes took in the photo.

She was posed in their bathroom mirror with a black lingerie set he’d never seen her in before. Her phone was in one hand snapping the photo while the other had her thumb through the waistband of her panties teasingly tugging them lower down her hip, hardly leaving anything to the imagination. Her breasts were barely contained in the bra, the cups hardly coming up over her nipples, her flesh pushed together creating ample cleavage. 

He swallowed thickly as he felt the warmth of blood rush to his groin. 

“You still there, Aus?” She asked feigning innocence. 

He cleared his throat, “yea- yea.” He took a deep breath. “What are you-?”

He didn’t have a ton of words flying around in his head given the normal amount of blood that was in his brain was now being utilized elsewhere. 

She giggled, “you need a little help getting to sleep, yeah? So I thought I’d give ya a little help.”

God, what did he do to deserve such an angel?

“Right now?”

Was this for now or after she hung up? This was new territory for the both of them.

“If you want?”

He felt her back tracking and he scrambled to steer the conversation back to the desired destination.

“Shit, yeah- yeah,” he shifted on the bed propping some pillows to lean back on as he rested his hand over his semi in his pants giving a little squeeze. “Are you- are you touching yourself?”

He heard her inhale before speaking, “should I be?”

“Please,” he almost whispered.

He ground his teeth, waiting for any sound from her. Something to feed his imagination. He lightly ran the back of his fingers over the tent in his pants, keeping his nerves on end.

A small moan sounded into his ear, and he immediately began to work himself with her.

His heart was pounding already, imagining her with her legs open on the couch, her hand working herself over her panties. 

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he breathed, his fingers slipping under the waistband of his sweats.

She struggled to find her voice. She took a breath, “you.”

“Yeah?” He worked at tugging down his pants. “What about me?”

“Aus,” she chuckled nervously, “I- I- don’t know if I can do this.” 

He situated himself, slowly wrapping his hand around his length, giving her a moment. She always got a little shy with talking filthy.

Not willing to let the mood wane, he chose to take the lead. “I gotcha, just keep your hands busy for me.”

He heard her begin shuffling around before getting settled.

He sighed lazily, beginning to stoke himself, lightly squeezing on his upstroke. His thumb swiped the tip collecting the bead of precum, spreading it around.

“’m so hard for you right now,” he murmured huskily, his voice heavy with arousal watching his tip disappear into his fist.

A little whimper escaped her, rewarding his words, and boosting his ego.

Letting his eyes close, his mind began to tease him with images of her. Her smooth skin, her hair splayed out behind her. Was she starting slow and gentle? 

A sharp inhale brought him back to the present.

“You alright?”

“Yeah,” she breathed. A soft moan followed, melting through the phone into his ear. “I just had to take everything off.”

He couldn't help but quicken his strokes as the sudden image of her legs spread, and center bare on their couch overtook his thoughts. 

“Wanted to get more comfortable.”

“Fuck-, are you wet?”

She hummed, “so wet.”

Hearing her pleasured sounds were going to be his undoing. 

“Put a finger in for me,” he coaxed her.

“Oh-“ she sighed heavily, “Austin.”

His cock throbbed, imagining how warm and tight she must feel. Her glistening folds wrapping around her little finger.

“Keep talking, Aus.”

He bit his lip as a smug smile threatened to appear. He had her right where he needed her.

“Don’t forget about my girls up top,” he spoke, “give ‘em a little attention for me.”

A full moan left her lips, making his cock twitch. He could practically feel her breaths on his ear. His mind kept conjuring up one filthy image after another. One hand in her pussy, the other groping her breast. Forcing his hand to pause, he squeezed at the base as the sudden urge to release overwhelmed him. 

As he willed his heart to slow and the pleasured throbbing in his cock to weaken, a bunch of commotion sounded on her line. He listened intently as it quieted and a rhythmic sound started to come through. He reached down to massage his balls, swallowing thickly, “baby?”

A short whine came from her, sounding distant, before she shuffled the phone closer to her panting mouth, “are you close?”

He let his head fall back into the pillows with a huffed laugh, letting his fingers lightly play at the little sensitive spot under the head. “Just waiting on you, darling.”

He began stroking in rhythm with the sounds coming from her, his limbs tightening as the pleasure began to burn in his pelvis once more, “tell me what you’re doing.”

“I got a pillow-” she gasped, “-between my legs.”

His hips jerked, the primal urge to thrust breaking through his conscious. 

“”You ridin’ it, like you do me?” He panted.

She couldn't even manage to string a sentence together anymore, a groan being her only reply.

“Cum with me baby, in 3-,” he began counting them down, “2-,”

Her whines were high causing goosebumps to cover his flesh, his fist flying impossibly quick over his shaft. He never thought further than her using her hand to pleasure herself, but imagining her grinding herself onto a pillow would be a fantasy he would be coming back to many times in the future, he was sure of it.

“Aus,” she cried, desperate for him to put an end to the agony.

“Cum for me,” he growled; a white heat flooding his pelvis.

A squeak was all he heard from her as she climaxed, and his cock suddenly became impossibly harder as the buzz in his veins shot through his tip. His head pressed deep into the pillows as his body tensed as his climax took hold. White spurted over his abdomen as he grunted like an animal with every lurch his cock gave, draining his seed, relieving his desire.

Relaxing his body, he quickly was left limp as he tried to catch his breath.

Minutes passed as they both regained a normal breathing rate.

He picked up the phone, taking it off of speaker, “thank you, baby.”

It wasn't long after they hung up that he was able to finally fall into a sweet sleep.

Need some more Austin smut? Check out my other works! > Masterlist

[sweetheartmotives]

`; 三 Clumsy Yandere;`三

Desc and possible Tw: Yandere themes, sexual themes, kidnapping, crying (from clumsy yan), begging (from clumsy yan), clumsiness/falling, angst. BIG angst!

Let me know if I missed any!

The weather was warm and the time was 2pm. You were out with some friends/family at a pizza shop and a family member/friend decided that you should come! You were on your way back to your and your family/friends' private room, until you saw someone fall, and to make it worse, they had a drink and it spilled everywhere. You decided to help them out! You walked over and he was already scrambling to grab some napkins and clean it up, you came over and helped him. He cried and thanked you. After that day, you earned yourself a stalker.

•• Clumsy Yandere who… you met in a very pathetic way. Soda all over the floor and you both on your hands and knees cleaning it up.

•• Clumsy Yandere who… is actually a loser. He doesn't go out unless he's forced to. This was one of his many embarrassing moments. But unlike the others, this one had a good outcome!

•• Clumsy Yandere who… waited for you to leave. It was dark outside, so following you wasn't gonna be hard.

•• Clumsy Yandere who… was horribly nervous when he followed you. If you turned around, he'd probably cry!

•• Clumsy Yandere who… follows you home and gets your address. Then he runs away..?

•• Clumsy Yandere who… gets your number, socials, etc. He spends the whole night searching for you on the Internet.

He got ur number thru ur address.. don't ask how

•• Clumsy Yandere who… jerked it to your pics. If you don't have any on social media, he probably took one 78 while stalking you.

Onto the genre stuff! :]

•• Clumsy Yandere who… drools over you. He can't get enough of you, so don't mind the drool dripping down his chin!

Casually drooling over you

•• Clumsy Yandere who… cries when you are loud. When they first took you down to their basement, you cried/yelled. They began to panic and cry.

PLEASE STOP He sobs

•• Clumsy Yandere who… is hopeless. They cry and beg for your forgiveness.. What can you ask? Anything!

M'sorry! I'm so sorry! Please forgive meeeee!! He whined and cried.

•• Clumsy Yandere who… created a playlist for you. They like romantic gestures! (◍•ᴗ•◍)♡

•• Clumsy Yandere who… does whatever you like. Wanna crochet or play video games? They're down!

Oh? Uh.. yea we can!

•• Clumsy Yandere who… was shy about sex at first.. but then humped your leg and cried about how much they loved you.

Mmm..~ ahhh~ I love you.. love u so much..

•• Clumsy Yandere who… likes to paint! They've painted portraits of you and gifted them to you.

Ah.. my love.. look what I made for you..! He hands a nude painting of you to you.

•• Clumsy Yandere who… does whatever you want. And he doesn't whine or cry! Pretty great, right?? :3

Of course my love..

•• Clumsy Yandere who… is a crybaby. He's also a really nervous/anxious person!

•• Clumsy Yandere who… has a resting sad face and always looks like he's gonna start crying :(

•• Clumsy Yandere who… owns 3 cats! Tax Fraud, eepy, and coco ♡

•• Clumsy Yandere who… is a loser. A very pathetic loser. No further explanation.

•• Clumsy Yandere who… always trips over his own feet. At any time in the day, he trips. Does he cry every time? Nope, but he's always close to tears and he'll be horribly embarrassed.

•• Clumsy Yandere who… gives kisses anytime of the day. Sure he's super shy, but that doesn't stop him from giving kisses! :)

Mwah mwah mwah (〃ω〃)

•• Clumsy Yandere who… lets Stockholm syndrome do its thing. Until then, he'll shower you with praise and love!

•• Clumsy Yandere who… knew it was wrong to kidnap you, but.. is it bad to be a little selfish?..

I'm sorry my love.. I just really wanted to be with you..!

•• Clumsy Yandere who… if you're really suffering while being with him and Stockholm syndrome doesn't work.. he'll let you go. He can't stand seeing you upset.

Goodbye.. my love.

•• Clumsy Yandere who… in the end, will always love you, even if you leave him.

My love.. I'll love you no matter what.. even if you hate me. My love will never stop..

This is a bit of a long wait! But I hope you enjoyed it as I enjoyed writing it! (◍•ᴗ•◍)♡

[hwaitham]

wrio <3333 i jus wan him to bend me over his desk in his office <333 i wanna be his sweet lil pup so so so bad :(((

꒰ っ◡ o̴̶̷̥᷅⸝⸝꒱˖ ࣪⊹ wriothesley x sub!f!reader ｡｡｡ nsfw — mdni . daddie kink ♡ ﾉ hyperfem reader ﾉ imp subspace ﾉ praise n cum nnnn . . Yea :3

the stresses that come with being the lord of the fortress of meropide are second to none, but wriothesley truly is so lucky to be blessed with a darling angel like you perched atop his shoulder! sweet and doting and constantly fussing over his health, offering yourself to him so graciously by finding a home between his legs for the night or with a mere bend over his desk, the layered skirt of your dress puffy and short and doing little to hide the plump little pouch of your cunt clinging wetly to your pantie's gusset.

you whimper for him when he doesn't spare you a glance, pouting and reaching to tug on his sleeve. "daddyyy."

"not right now, sweetheart, daddy's working... be a good girl and wait a bit longer for me, okay?"

"but— but you've been at your desk the whole day! 'nd you look so stressed... c'mon, don't you wanna play with me even for jus' a little while?"

upon hearing the deflation in your voice and the sight of your skirt flouncing around as you bounce on your tippie toes, wriothesley finally tilts his head up from the files on his lap to face you: bent over his desk in that delicate set he'd bought you, wrists and neck decorated with frilly cream cuffs, stockings sitting at uneven lengths on your legs and creating pastry-like clouds from the plush of your thighs.

he heaves a sigh, shakes his head in awe and reaches up to knead the globes of your ass, milky to his touch and fitting within the grasp of his palms. because the sight of you dolled up like this alone is enough to expel the exhaustion from his chest, twist and turn it into something that makes his cock ache and throb and leak.

"oh, baby— my only baby. so good for me aren't you? such a good little girl, mhmm, taking care of your daddy like this," he muses to himself, sucking in air through his teeth and humming curiously as he spreads your cheeks apart, watches your hole clamp down around air, drip thin strings of cream— begging for his cock to stuff her full. presses the pad of his thumb down on the outline of your bud through your panties and laughs when you wail out for him, kicking your feet and curling your toes. "just what am i gonna do with you..."

your daddy does the same with you that he always does; takes you how you present yourself to him— unwrapping you piece by piece, ribbon by ribbon, before he allows his cock to find solace in the warmth of your pussy.

fucks you first, makes love to you second.

slathers your spine with his love and his praise and his seed.

spills his milk into your womb and over your ass and between your thighs— until a puddle of cream and sweat pools at his feet, until the tulle hem of your skirt is wrinkled and sticky with cum, until all you can voice are 50 different whimpers and whines of his designation, nothing but daddydaddydaddy on that pretty little mind of yours.

[soxcietyy]

Temptation

Chapter 7

Your dad is tired of you bringing home these unworthy men. None of them being fit to take care of you or to be given the family business since you are the only daughter. He decides to find you someone fit to be your husband and receive help from the father of the church. That’s when you meet Yuta, though just because he goes to church doesn’t mean he’s much of a saint

Mafia, murder, violence, mentions of religion, (will contain other things in the next chapters)

The rest of the week he spent as far away from you as he could. He would come home late, sleep in a spare room or sometimes he wouldn't come home at all. Ever since that day he couldn't help but maintain his distance. He was scared, he didn't want to frighten you like that again. Not only did that cause him fear but also the fact that he cared about that.

He was Yuta Okkotsu, one of Gojos most important business partners that worked under him. Everyone was supposed to be terrified of him. But just the single though oh you being scared of him gave him an itch.

He tried to convince himself multiple times that maybe it was because this was all new to him. The concept of marriage and now having to care for Someone else other than him. Yea that sounds about right. This will soon pass and he'll be back to his normal self.

He's been away from you for a good length of time that he kinda felt prepared to face you again. Putting his foot down and putting you in your place. A women shouldn't be walking over a men. Maybe his actions were justifiable last week. He told you to stay put and you did not listen which created consequences.

Yea that's it, you deserved what you got and he will not let it slide.

"Yu?" He hears a soft feminine voice speak. He snaps his head from the paper he held to the door way where you stood in a sun dress.

"Darling you know well you're not allowed in my offic..." as he spoke to you he noticed the bruises on your neck that he left last week. That delicate skin of your being harmed by his own hands. He couldnt bare to see the injury's he caused so he looked back down at his paper.

"Yes I know but I'm worried. We haven't been able to sit down and relax. You're always busy or coming home late. We haven't even slept in the same bed. Im worried about us." you say

About us? what a joke, with the way he's been treating you he was surprised you thought that way.

"I don't think what in doing should concern you. Go back to bed and get some rest." Yuta says as he scans the paper he's been rereading over and over again. To him it seemed like a never ending paper. Everytime he read it he would space out on it having to make him reread it over and over again.

“Can I least go out for some fresh air?” you ask him “of course.” He says as he begins writing his thoughts.

“Without someone following me.” You speak. The number of times they had stopped you his week from walking out was outrageous. Every time you confronted Yuta about it he would ignore you and keep on with his business. “you’re not allowed to go out without anyone accompanying you.”

————————

Your angry thoughts influenced your actions immediately. Storming out of his office you quickly made your way upstairs snatching up his wallet that rested on the nightstand. You couldn’t believe that he had just spoke to you that way. This wasn’t what you imaged being married to him was. You felt like an idiot for actually agreeing to something so dumb like this. Anyone would have seen something like this coming a mile away. You were just so stupid, so gullible to believe every word that fell out of his mouth. After putting your heels on you walk downstairs. You knew well that Yuta had guards stationed right out the doors. You were so sick of being stuck here with an arrogant man. All you did was try and be the best wife but clearly, he could care less about you and your efforts. Opening the door, you see a tall buff man standing with is back facing you. You let out a small huff as you quietly closed the door behind you. Taking a few small steps forward you see him turn around at the slightest sound of your heels hitting the floor. “Go back inside before I throw you like last time. “ That did happen didn’t it. “Yuta said he’ll meet me outside the gates. He seemed to have lost his wallet.” You say trying to get pass him.

He lets out a laugh as he blocks you from going further. “do you think I’m stupid little girl? He would never let you go even a few feet from him.” The guard laughs even harder as he shoves you back making you stumble a bit.

You give the man an innocent smile. “Clearly you don’t know him enough to know that he would let me do that. Let me through before I tell him that you put your hands on me.” You talk back.

“What would people say if Yuta’s wife was being man handled? Clearly you would be forced right away. Knowing him he would easily let you go home before killing someone you love.” You stare into his shocked eyes. He mumbled before letting you get pass him. If you knew it was this easy you would if been escaped this place.

Immediately you started walking to the open gates. Walking with the fear of his possible looking outside his window to see you walking of the property. Once you made it out the gates you turn around and shut them. The guard looked at you confused for a second before booking it towards you. That’s when you quickly lock it with the key Yuta always carried in his wallet. You gave him another innocent smile before you ran down the road. Luckily those gates where as tall as pine trees, that means he had no choice but to get another key from Yuta who should be at a meeting about now. Now i9f he had the guts to interrupt a meeting then that was on him. Running as fast as you could in heels, you cut through people’s property’s so you wouldn’t be found so easily. Eventually after so long of running you made it to the city of New York. Yuta did not live far from the city at all making everything supper close to you guys.

Stopping at a coffee shop you rest by the wall and catch your breath. You haven’t ever ran this much in your life before. The adrenalin in your body was still pumping as you held your chest.

“Oh, darling are you alright?”

Alarm bells ran in your head once you heard them say darling. When you look up your met with blue eyes but not the dark ones you know. They were infused with a light green color making them look really friendly. Moving from his eyes to his face you realize this was a total stranger. This man had blonde short hair, chiseled jaw, he wore such a nice navy-blue suit that complimented him. Your mouth seemed to have dropped, mesmerized by his beauty. “y-yes! I’m fine I just got done with my morning run.” You say

“A run? In heels?” he raises his brow.

“yes...”

“Your quite an interesting girl, how about I invite you to grab a drink with me?” he says holding his hand out. You looked at him not being able to believe him but take his hand either way. He grabbed it firmly and walked out with you in his arm.

“ I know this coffee shop with better drink up the street. I had gone to the one we had left to grab a quick drink to go. The I ran into you, and I just love having drinks with people.” He says as he walks with a fast pace. This man was really tall, to the point where it kind of hurt your neck to look up at him.

When you guys got to the place you couldn’t believe how beautify it looked. Planted where planted in so many spots and it smelled like roses from the pots that surrounded you. This was something you’ve never seen before. As you approached a table, he pulled your seat out and letting you sit before taking his own. A waiter soon came up to you guys and asked if you guys needed time to order.

“No need, I would like Americano and for the lovely lady hmm, what do you want tea or coffee?” he tilts his head making his golden locks fall to the side.

“I uh, I like tea.” You say

“ Hōjicha please! Oh and maybe set of your delicious biscuits.”

As the waiter left, he put his attention back towards you. “so do you usually take strangers on-“ “Coffee dates? No, no I am quite a busy man, I was actually free today and well I couldn’t just ignore you.” He smiles. “Oh well thank you for taking me out uhh.” You say ignoring the fact that he called this a date. “How rude of me! I haven’t introduced myself, haven’t I? The name is Angelo.” He says.

“Oh, I’m y/k Okkotsu.”

His eyes seemed to have lighten up once you told him your name.

“Magnificent.” “Do you work Angelo?”

you ask him curious to know his profession if he could afford to go to such a coffee shop.

“I own many restaurants and coffee shops around here, including the one were at. Its quite new actually.” He says as he looks around admiring his work.

“Really? Wow I really love what you did with the place. I is so stunning and it feels like I’m in the middle of a flower field.” You say surprised.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it darling.

“um currently nothing I’m just home all the time but I’m want to get into my husbands business. I want to feel useful you know? But how can I do that when I’m not even allowed to know anything about it.” You look down at the wooden table “oh sorry I started venting without realizing it.” You say embarrassed.

“No need to feel bad I enjoy giving advice to people.” He says as he receives the drink from the waiter that you didn’t even notice. He set your drink in front of you as he took a sip of his. Letting out a satisfied sigh come out as he tasted the drink.

“What does your husband work in” he asks as he licks his lips.

“Trading under a company.” You say as you also took a sip out of your drink. Your eyes brightened the second your tastebuds made contact with the liquid. This was really good, this man kept of surprising you by the second.

“What is this? It’s so good I’ve never had such a flavorful tea.” You bring the cup up to your lips once again.

“Ha, I knew it would be your taste. It’s a Japanese’s tea that has roasted green tea leaves. Its naturally sweet yet has a hint of a smokey flavor in it.” He lifts his hand up in the air to get a waiter’s attention.

The man quickly runs to him and ask him if everything is okay. Angelo reassures him everything is good and that he just wanted to know if he had a bag of the tea you were currently drinking.

“oh you don’t have to do that! I can always come on my own, I want to support the business.” You say.

“oh sweety but what if you can’t go out when you crave it? You already know how husband can be, ugh so bitter for no reason, Speaking of.” He brings his drink to his mouth. “Y- your husband how is he like?”

For a second you thought he was going to say your husband’s name. Then again, he shouldn’t even know him.

“well, he’s…nothing like I expected him to be like.” You say with a sense of sadness. You had no idea why you held such high expectations for him in the first place. You didn’t even know him for that long and here you thought he was going to be the best husband ever. “I just wish he was more caring, kind, and well just loving in general.”

You had no idea what had happened, when you first met him, he was the most kindest person ever now he was something else.

“Sorry to hear that,” Angelo crosses his legs as he stretches them out. “Something like that must not be easy to through, I trust your strong enough to pull through, right?” Angelo looks own at his watch and raises his brows. “it’s near noon, do you need a ride?”

Ride, but to where? You couldn’t possibly go back to Yuta’s. He was going furious when he finds out you escaped. If you ran back home, you feared your dad would call Yuta since apparently, they were buddy’s now. You could get a hotel room, but they would be able to track you right? At this point he must have already called everyone he knew to look for you. At your wedding the kinds of people that came up to him were unexpected, bank tellers, police, business people, doctors, and more. They all probably had all eyes and ears out for you. You couldn’t held but fiddle with your wedding ring to ease your thoughts.

“Or you could come to work for me, you can be my secretary for the day.” He offers with a genuine smile.

“really?! But I’m a women, wouldn’t people look down on you?” You say feeling a bit excited for the opportunity.

“You think I care about other opinion? Is that the way your husband thinks? Such a childish mindset. Common let’s go to my company building.” He says as he helps you get up.

AN: Guys I wrote this on my laptop on word during my finals. I typed 5 pages of fanfic and thought I out did myself and once I pasted it onto here I screamed. YOUR TELLING ME THIS IS HOW 5 PAGES LOOK LIKE.

[xdaddysprincessxx]

Go Ahead and Cry Little Girl

Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels x f!reader (Agent Gin)

Warnings: Daddy issues!!, character death mentioned, daddy kink, piv (again wrap it up guys!), f & m oral, dacryphillia, 1 use of song lyrics, dirty talk (it’s jack mf Daniels what did you expect?) boss/employee dynamics, sex work (we support sex workers in this household!) squirting, voyeurism, cum eating, Reader is described as having hair, a vagina, well hydrated (; and can blush. that should be all! Lmk if i missed something (:

A/n: This one’s for my babes with daddy issues! I see you, I love you. This idea hit me while I was driving to work and the song “Daddy issues” by The neighborhood came on. As of right now I think each Murder daddy is gonna have a daddy issues one shot but we’re starting off strong with my personal favorite cowboy.🤠

Growing up your dad wasn’t home very much. You honestly don’t have very many memories of the guy. The memories you do have always seem to be of him frowning at you, disappointed and telling you that you need to do better, be better. You were just a kid. What the hell is that supposed to mean? Instead of having a loving, doting father you had this stranger who’s approval you wanted desperately. So you worked hard in school, played sports, joined as many after school programs as you could and when you graduated high school you had full ride scholarships to all the big schools across the nation. I’m talking Harvard, MIT, Stanford, Yale, the list goes on. You ended up choosing Columbia University in New York so you could be as far away from home as possible. College was a breeze for you, graduating early with high honors you weren’t surprised when Statesmen approached you offering you an intelligence job.

Accepting this job was an easy decision for you. A few years after graduating high school your dad kicked the bucket and your mom ran off with the first guy who gave her a lick of attention. You had no one to go back too, no family to visit on the holidays. And you loved working at Statesmen. Working in the lab alongside Ginger, you helped create new technologies and advance healthcare. You had it all; a great career, a nice studio apartment in Manhattan. What more could you want? Ah yes approval. For some reason you still had this deep seeded need to be well liked and needed by others. So you do what any girl does, you sell your nudes online to creepy men in exchange they give you their money and high praises. You never reveal your face or your real identity so nobody knows it’s you.

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Coming back to work after a long weekend is proving to be a tough one. You’ve been overworking yourself lately and having three whole days off you went home and slept for hours only waking up to eat Chinese takeout and then go directly back to sleep. Back in the lab, you find yourself frustrated and having to keep retrying new samples for a new antibiotic your working on.

“Hey Gin go ahead and take a break hun. I’ve seen you redo the same sample 10 times now. I’m not sure where your head is but try to get it out of the clouds before you come back.” Ginger Ale says to you as you lay your head down on the table next to the microscope you’ve been staring at for the last two hours.

Sighing, “Yea yea. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me Ginger. I just can’t focus and I have zero energy.” you say as you get up and start gathering your things.

Soon enough your back up on the fifth floor, down the hall from the cafeteria. Just as your rounding the corner you find yourself running right into the very man who haunts your every thought. Jack Daniels or Agent Whiskey as most people at Statesmen know him as. The man has been the star of all your dirty daydreams, his accent and mannerisms scream ‘southern gentleman’ and boy do you eat that shit up every time you see him.

“Well hey there darlin’ watch out where your going. Don’t wanna go runnin into any ole body now do we?” Jack says in his thick accent just as you bounced backward after hitting him square in the chest.

“Oh my god Agent Whiskey I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you there!” You manage to get out despite having the wind knocked out of you.

“Now darlin’ call me Jack. Am I gonna have to tell you this every time?” He teases you causing a deep blush to creep across your cheeks.

With a soft smile on your face and your eyes cast down, “Of course not Ag- I mean Jack.” You say with the smallest giggle. As soon as the words left your mouth you felt Jacks finger under your chin, lift your face up forcing you to look directly into his gorgeous deep brown eyes.

“There we go. Now that’s what I like to hear. My name come out of such a beautiful lady’s mouth.” Jack says with a smirk.

As if you couldn’t blush any harder, you somehow turn even redder in the face.

“Now go on beautiful, have a good day.” Jack says as he tilts his hat towards you.

“Thanks Jack, you have a good one too.” You manage to squeak out as you gather yourself once again and continue on walking toward the cafeteria.

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Sitting down at a table in a far back corner, you crack open a cold can of coke and take a deep sip. The carbonation leaving a cold wake of bubbles in your throat, already feeling the affects of the caffeine. Pulling your phone out you decide to hop on your website and respond to a few messages as you wait for the soda to really kick in. You have a good handful of regulars who like to ask for custom content and one of them had recently asked for a video of you riding your favorite toy. Just as your about to send the video, a text comes in from Jack.

1:32pm - Hey I hope I didn’t hurt ya when you ran into me earlier sugar 😉

1:34pm - No you didn’t! If anything I’m sorry for running into you! I hope I didn’t hurt you Jack.🩷

Without even thinking, after you press send you hit the icon for your photos and pull up the video you were sending to your regular, find it and hit send.

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Jacks sitting at his desk when he hears a ping and sees you’ve texted him back. As soon as he read your text he saw a video message pop up immediately after. Opening the video, he sees you sitting on the floor in your bedroom and a decent sized pink dildo. The video starts and you swing your leg over the dildo, lowering yourself down, you grab the dildo and swipe it through your folds a few times. Moaning, you drop all the way down on the dildo. The angle of the camera allows Jack to see the dildo stretch you open. Not quite as big as Jack, it still gives him a delicious view of what you’d look like speared on his cock. Thinking to himself, he wonders if you meant to send this to him through text. Most likely it was on accident. But what you don’t know is that Jack knows all about your little secret. In fact he’s been one of your regulars for awhile now. Always sending in requests and tipping generously. Something else he knows you are ignorant too is that he was the one who requested this particular video.

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After texting Jack back and sending out the custom video, you feel awake enough now to get back to work. Just as you get back into the lab, you hear the lab phone ring. You go to grab the phone off the hook, “Hello Agent Gin, how can I help you?”

“Well well well if it ain’t the pretty lady I need to talk too” Jack crones into your ear. “I need to see you in my office darlin’ now. Please.”

“Yes of course sir I’m on my way now.” You reply, your voice cracking just the tiniest bit.

Unsure as to why Jack needs to see you in his office, you check your texts between you two to see if you misread something and that’s when you realize you sent Jack the video! Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck. You’re screwed! Your dirty little secret is out now and the one man you want so desperately inside of you now knows all about it.

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Knocking on Jacks office door, you go to turn the knob to open the door.

Peeking your head in, “You wanted to see me sir?” you say as you clear your throat that’s suddenly dry as the Sahara Desert.

Sitting at his desk, you see Jack look up at you with this hungry look in his eyes.

“Ah there she is. Come in sugar. Have a seat.” He motions to the chair in front of his desk. You quickly come in, closing the door behind you and taking a seat.

Jack stands up, slowly walking towards the door when you notice he locks it. Making his way back to his desk, he sits on top of it directly in front of you.

“Now sugar your probably wondering why I need to talk to you.”

Gulping, you look down unable to look him in the face, “um I think I know why sir.” You manage to say, knowing there’s no reason to play stupid. You both know what you sent him. Might as well confess to it and get it all over with.

“Look at me sugar. I wanna see those pretty eyes of yours when I’m talking to you” Jack says in a low baritone voice.

Looking up at him, a deep blush covering your cheeks, you try to swallow as best you can and find your words.

“Now we’re both adults here. We both have urges. If you needed a good fuck darlin’ all you had to was ask. I’d be more than happy to oblige.” He says in a matter of factly tone.

Stunned you just gawk up the agent in front of you. Did he really just say that? Is he- he’s not- what is happening?!??

Jack goes to stand up, directly in front of you, “Get on your knees little girl.”

Unable to speak you do as he says and you push back your chair as you lower yourself onto your knees.

“There’s my good girl. Now sugar I’m going to fuck you good and hard. And your going to take every thing I give you. Understood?”

Shaking your head yes as you look up at Jack. Nervous as hell but you can’t help but get excited. Isn’t this what you always wanted? Isn’t he the star of your wet dreams?

Jack goes to take his blazer off, rolling up his sleeves as he begins to unbuckle his absurdly large belt buckle. Watching him undress like this has your mouth and pussy watering. Your finally gonna have the Jack Daniels inside of you. You can’t wait.

He pulls out the biggest dick you’ve ever seen. Now you get why this man walks around so arrogantly. The man has the dick to back it up. Your eyes widen as the head of his cock seems to stare at you in your soul. At about average length, he’s girthy as all get out. There’s no way you’d be able to get much of him in your mouth.

Jack gives his cock a few good strokes, “Open up sugar. Let me see how good you can be.”

You drop your jaw quickly and open your mouth, dropping your tongue out. Smirking, Jack takes his cock and starts rubbing it up and down your tongue. After gliding the head on your tongue a few times, Jack sticks his cock in your mouth, forcing it down your throat causing you to gag at the intrusion. Without holding back, Jack continues to gag you with his cock. Your eyes over flowing with tears.

Jack looks down at you the whole time, just staring in awe at how beautiful you look with his cock in your mouth, eyes wide with tears looking back at him.

“Go on and cry little girl. Nobody does it quite like you sugar. I’ve been watching you for some time now. Oh yes I know all about your dirty little secret baby.” He reveals, making you choke even harder on his cock in utter disbelief. He’s known this whole time? How much of you has he really seen?

Jack finally pulls his cock out of your mouth, spit strings still connecting you two. Brown eyes staring deep into your soul, you take a deep gulp of breath, chest heavy as you manage to stutter out, “y- you know? How long?”

“I’ve known for awhile now darlin’. I love watching your little videos. Always gets me harder than a goddamn rock. It was actually me who requested that particular little video. So it is funny you accidentally sent it to me.” Jack admits.

Before you have the chance to respond, Jack grabs you by your arm helping you up before he’s leading you towards his desk and gently pushes your top half down so your bent over. Wearing a dress that day, you can’t help but feel bare as he bends you over his desk. You feel Jack crouch down behind you, warm hands running up and down the back of your thighs. You feel his warm breath on your clothed pussy.

Taking a deep breath in, Jack slowly pulls your panties down exposing your sweet pussy to him. Unable to help himself he presses his face in and lays a kiss to your exposed clit. Hearing you let out a soft moan breaks any bit of self control Jack had and he dives in. Tongue poking out, he swipes it through your folds a few times before making a zig zagging motion from your taint up to your clit.

Feeling his thick tongue protrude your wet pussy, you feel yourself gush as he starts to flick your clit.

Moaning, “Please Jack I need more. Please.” You whisper breathlessly.

Hearing your sweet request, you feel jacks thick fingers enter you and curl up, hitting that sweet spot.

Taking his tongue off your sweet, sweet pussy, “That’s it sugar. Tell daddy what you want baby. Tell daddy how to make this pussy cream.” Jack growls as he pumps his fore and ring finger faster into you.

All to quickly you feel the sudden need to pee. Moaning even louder causing Jack to pump his fingers even faster, all to soon you feel yourself start to squirt.

“Oohhh ungghh!!!!” Comes from deep in your throat as you continue to squirt, the exquisite feeling of squirting all over his fingers is a high you never want to come down from.

“Fuck sugar that’s it. That’s it baby come on, give it all to daddy baby that’s it” Jack crones as he tries to drink up every single drop.

Boneless, you can’t help but drop on top of the desk, unable to hold your upper half up any longer. Knees weak, legs shaking, you feel jack stand back up behind you. Jack takes hold of his cock, swiping it through your folds, gathering your wetness on his cock before he slides in your sweet pussy. The feeling of his thick cock splitting you open takes your breath away.

Taking his time, feeling every ridge inside of your pussy, Jack finally fills you up to the hilt.

“Fuuuccckkk” Jack breaths out as his cock kisses your cervix. After not moving for a few seconds to let you adjust to his girth, Jack begins pummeling into you. Hands gripping your hips, forcing you back onto his cock as he fucks you good and hard just as he promised.

“That’s it sugar. Look at you. Taking my cock. So. Damn. Beautiful.” He grunts out. Jack leans forward, his chest on your back when you feel his arm snake around your front and pulls you up to him. You feel his other hand bury in your hair forcing your head up when you notice a little red, blinking light up in the corner, “Smile for the camera darlin’” Jack crones into your ear. Knowing he’s been filming this entire time has your eyes rolling back as you moan.

“This sweet fucking pussy belongs to me now darlin’ you hear me? Only I get to fuck this pussy.” Jack whispers in your ear.

“Oh fuck yes. Yes daddy it’s yours. All yours! Fuck!” You say breathlessly, agreeing to whatever he says as long as he continues to fuck you this good. You feel yourself getting close once again, the feeling of needing to pee is back.

“Daddy I’m close, please please can I cum? I wanna cum daddy! Please let me!” You beg, hoping he shows you a little mercy and let’s you cum.

Jack slaps his hand over your mouth, “Fuck baby you gotta be quiet. Daddy’s gone let you cum baby girl don’t you worry. Daddy wants to feel his sweet pussy cum on his cock.” He tells you as his other hand snakes down towards your clit. You feel his thick finger swirl around your clit and that does it for you. All too soon you feel the dam break and your coming. Hard. You bite your lip trying your hardest to keep quiet. The euphoria you feel is hard to contain, your eyes rolling back once again.

Feeling you gush hard around his cock, almost as if your pussy is trying to push him out, does him in. Jack pumps a few more times before he’s coming inside of you. As your both coming down from your highs, chests heaving, you feel jack pull out of you leaving you an empty mess.

Not sure what possessed you, you turn around to face him and lower yourself down to your knees once again. Gripping the base of his dick, you lick the mixture of you and Jack off his cock all while looking up at him. Making a show of you swallowing every bit of your cum.

“Well I’ll be damned sugar. You never fail to surprise me.” Jack chuckles darkly as he watches you from above. You can’t help but smile sweetly up at him hoping this isn’t the last time you get a taste of this cowboy.

A/n: idk where this came from lol the song inspired me but this?^ yeeaaaa we can blame my hormone monster for this, I am ovulating lmao. I hope y’all enjoy!

Tagging a few Whiskey connoisseurs and friends that I think will enjoy: @neverwheremoonchild @foli-vora @whiskeynwriting @lumoverheaven @toxicanonymity @multiversed-daydreamer @nosesitter @beefrobeefcal @juletheghoul @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @megangovier20 @ikissdin @wannab-urs

[donascozylivingroom]

HOW TO SHIFT PARALLEL REALITIES.

This is if u struggle to understand the concept.

I'm an old lady of 30 yo and I found out about shifting parallel realities when I was 22 so I've had quite some time to simmer on it and even some success with its application.

We are definitely in the era of shifting parallel realities, finally, now.

People talk about it much more, so I decided to make a logical written explanation of it.

For those of you that struggle with affirmations and mental diet, meditation is definitely important. it's a way of knowing urself and ur mind better.

The ability to silence ur mind at will or focus it on a "mantra" comes with a lot of mindfulness - observing ur mind and what it does w/o judgement.

To be smart and get to the age of 30, you start accumulating a lot of knowledge and kinda have a mental toolkit for a lot of things. So me posting this sh@# is from tried and tested things, not just my musings of the day.

ok so parallel realities.

i learned this from Bentinho Massaro in 2015, i don't really follow the guy anymore or would suggest u do it necessarily, i just wanna give him credit.

So he explained basically that when u get to tomorrow, u will be in the present moment, even though in ur mind it was the future. And yesterday you were in the present moment, too, although u call it past. One second ago and one second after are still in their own present moment. so there is no time, there is only the One present moment.

So basically because the Universe is infinite, all possibilities already exist.

In this reality, you can make choices, u could go to the grocery store today or stay home and play video games. You have free will. You could basically start those things you know would help you achieve your dreams, or not. It is a choice. Every second of the day you have choices. You could speak now or not speak.

But all these choices are parallel realities that already exist.

i believe the universe still creates by combining things/realities that were not combined before based on us, and our free will choices, so being infinite and mathematical it keeps on creating through us, free will agents of consciousness/gods.

Anyways, he explained parallel realities like this: imagine u are watching a movie on ur laptop/device. You could stop it at 1:06, print the picture, and then stop it again at 1:07, print that image too, and send one pic to China and one to Austria. Same way you could print pictures hours apart and place the screenshots one after another.

That's kinda how parallel realities work, u could "print" ur desired reality and bring it to ur next nanosecond.

Just moving ur hand up and down, u are going through thousands, possibly tens of thousands of parallel realities.

What brings your desire closer is focus on it, so affirming and visualizing for example are tools.

But just know, ur desire is one nanosecond close!

I personally first shifted when i affirmed that whatever I visualize becomes my reality in 3 seconds. And it was incredible, I shifted from my mom's studio apartment to a beautiful penthouse in NYC! But I shifted back really fast because I got scared.

I shifted a few times more, but this one was the most incredible!

Anyways be careful with this if you can't control ur mind to not visualize scary things or affirm bad things, but yea you could counteract that with a really good self concept that whatever negativity u affirm or visualize doesn t manifest.

Basically you shift all the time, getting ur desire in time is still shifting, shifting is always the case, we are always shifting through parallel realities. But be careful out there peeps!

[tsp-narrator-ask]

Hey guys blog runner juni here! I know I haven’t been active in a while… but I’m not here to be sad about it I’m here to tell you my followers the great news in my life! I’m going to college in a few days!

This fandom has been great to me, and the support and love I got for my silly little things really made a difference when I needed it, but I’m here to announce I most likely won’t be posting at all again. Or rather I might only answer questions that can be answered through text when I’m bored,

I’ve grown out of this fandom just a little, though I will never grow out of the friends I made along the way!

you guys can still do what ever you’d like with my silly little shrimp narrator- but for now consider him “retired”

“Ahem juniper may I speak?”

Oh yea of course shrimp narrator the floor is yours!

“My dearest readers, as juniper has said it’s time for goodbyes, but goodbyes are never forever, the time I shared here made this parable, this story, worth more then words can express. So as the only gratitude I posses to pass along I’ll paint a picture of what’s to come for me so you aren’t left on a cliffhanger of sorts, Stanley and I are retiring, so no more parable- though some times we come back to it for our child squilla runs it and now has rebranded as the “back rooms” we couldn’t be more proud of them. meanwhile we have created our own little home in the memory zone. But never fear we still bounce in and out of the narrator and Stanley meeting spots to say hello to good old friends.”

Great choice of words shrimpy my boy, all in all… thank you. Feel free to still send in asks just know it won’t be the same “Stanley and shrimp narrator” as before. They aren’t gone- just new, they have simply grown so far into there own thing. Just as they have grown in my narrative I have grown as a person along side it.

Goodbye, Sincerely signed the shrimp narrator 🦐

((If any one wishes to further support me and my work please consider following my original series on tumblr @yumikus-guide ))

[love4ab]

long day. [ a.b ]

prompt : you take care of aus after a long and rough day at work.

austin butler x reader

wc : 1017.

warnings : sub!aus. softdom!reader. handjob. mommy kink. use of “mommy” & “mama”. possible grammar errors. thats its, i think...

a/n : heres some sub!aus cus subby aus and e own my heart. :,( <3

enjoy... <3

You were on the couch reading a book when Austin got home. He walked in the door and immediately called for you. "y/n?" He called out.

"Living room, baby!" You shouted back, and you quickly heard the shuffling of his boots against the floor as he walked towards you. You looked up and was met with an exhausted-looking Austin. His blonde hair was all messy, looking like he ran his hand through it all day. He slumped down on the sofa next to you and rested his head on your shoulder.

"Long day?" Your whispered. You hated how much Austin overworked himself, but he never listened when you told him to take a few days off for himself.

"Yea'." He muttered, and you could feel the nod of his head against your shoulder.

"Honey, you need to take at least a day off for yourself! It's not healthy to overwork yourself." You tell him.

"I know, I know. There are just so many things going on for me, and I just get wrapped up in everythin'." The hint of the southern accent rang along his words.

You stayed quiet, not wanting to argue back and create a fuss. "Can you read to me, please?" He asked, resting some of his weight against you.

You hummed in approval and began reading to him until you got a couple sentences in and Austin started shifting around a bit, causing you to pause and turn, but you continued, assuming he was probably just trying to get comfortable.

You softly read the words on the page to him, and he continued to shift his hips in an attempt to get comfortable, so you assumed. You ignored his movements until you heard a quiet, annoyed groan come from him.

You stopped and set the book down on your lap, turning to face him with a frown on your face. "Are you okay?" You worriedly asked. He picked his head up from your shoulder and turned to face you. You noticed the slight pink tint coating his cheeks.

"These, um, pants are just- just a bit uncomfortable." He slightly shrugged his shoulders.

You smiled, "Wanna go shower and change?" You asked. "Get into some comfy clothes?" You placed your hand down on his thigh, causing him to jump up a bit and take in a shaky breath.

You sent him a puzzled look, noticing his reaction. You picked your hand up from his thigh, "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you.." You confusedly apologized.

"N-no, it's not your fault." He nervously looked around the house before glancing down at his lap. Your eyes followed his, and you immediately noticed the outline of his hard on through his jean pants. You raised your eyebrows and smirked. The squirmy and jumpy behavior now made sense.

"Baby.." You whispered, trailing off as you looked up at his now red cheeks and pouty lips. His eyes looked everywhere but at you. "Why didn't you tell me?" You asked, your hand reaching for his chin, making him face you.

He leaned into your touch as you caressed his jawline with your thumb. "I-I was embarrassed." He whispered the last word.

"Want me to make you feel better?" He immediately nods his head.

Your hands reach down and unbuckle his belt before undoing his pants and sliding them down as he lifts his hips off the couch to help you.

You were surprised when his cock flung out his jeans, no boxers were worn. You looked at him, he had one of his hands hiding his face. "Don't get shy on me, Aus." You pecked a kiss on his forehead.

Your hand finally reached his cock, you spread the precum leaking out his tip and spread it. Small whimpers escaped his mouth. You ran your hand up and down, rubbing your thumb teasingly over his tip. He moaned and covered his mouth with his hand, trying to muffle himself.

You shook your head. You grabbed the hand covering his mouth and pulled it away. "I wanna hear how good I make my baby boy feel." You innocently smiled at him, placing kisses on his cheek and trailing down his neck as your hand pumped up and down, occasionally rubbing and teasing his tip.

Moans escape his pretty lips, and his hands reached up to cup your breast, but you quickly pulled away. "Did I say you could touch?" You frowned.

He quickly shook his head, "No, sorry, mommy!" He apologized through moans and whimpers. "Keep your hands on your sides." He obediently nodded and set his hands down.

You felt that he wasn't gonna last long, so you decided to tease him a bit. His hands gripped the sofa, turning his knuckles white, as he threw his head back, letting out loud moans and groans. You slowed down your movements, and he started pushing his hips up into your palm, "Please, mommy, more!" He pleaded.

Your hand went achingly slowly up and down, and Austin began growing annoyed and needy as your hands slowed down. "More, now, mama!" He whined out. You sighed, deciding to ignore the attitude and give the poor boy what he wants.

Your hand pumped him faster, and you focused more on his sensitive tip until he couldn't anymore, he was nearly seeing starts. "Need to finish, mommy! Please!" He looked at you, his eyes glossy and red, as if he were about to cry. "Go ahead, baby." Was all you said before he shut his eyes, threw his head back, and moaned loudly, making a mess in your hand. Your hand didn't stop its movements until he rode out his orgasm.

He was breathing heavily as he opened his eyes to look at you. His face was all flushed, and beads of sweat trickled down his forehead. "Thank you, mommy." He looked down at his mess, embarrassed, before looking back at you.

You smiled at him, admiring his pink, freckled cheeks and dreamy blue eyes. "Let's go get you cleaned up." You placed a kiss on the tip of his nose.

[dirtwatchman]

PARTIES: @dirtwatchman and @vanoincidence TIME: Early October WHERE: Nichol's Funeral Home SUMMARY: Van comes over to see Erin but finds Caleb working in the yard instead. The two have a talk. WARNINGS: Parental/Familial death mentions.

Ever since she and Erin’s conversation in her living room, Van had been on edge. She still wasn’t sure what to say about the melted table, knowing that honesty was out the window. She couldn’t tell the only adult left in her life from the before times about what was happening to her, not if she didn’t want to keep living freely. The last thing she needed was for Erin to think she was going crazy. Still, there was a strange sense of comfort that came with knowing she was cared about, even if it frustrated her. So she showed up at the Nichols’ Funeral Home with the intention of telling Erin that she was completely fine and back in therapy. 

It was a lie, of course. But as soon as she got through to the front gate, she noticed that Erin’s car was not in the driveway. Instead, she saw Caleb out by one of the trees, gloved and on his knees, ripping out what she could only assume to be weeds. Van felt the weight of the spicy pickle she was holding onto for later in her bag and she sighed, deciding that if she was going to pay him a visit, not to come empty handed. “I have a spicy pickle with your name on it.” She paused. “That’s a lie, it had my name on it, in sharpie, but I’m giving it to you.” She stumbled over the raised mounds of dirt that were cast behind Caleb and she leaned down, digging into her bag to hand it over to him. “You’re weeding?” She looked at the base of the tree, nodding in approval (as if it mattered what she thought). “Great technique.” 

With everything going on with the side job, Caleb was ashamed to say that he’d been neglecting some of the duties he had at the Nichols funeral home. When he’d gone by that morning to drop off some paperwork and noticed the weeds getting out of control he’d felt so bad that he’d put off some of his other plans to start doing some of the yard work. This place had to be presentable even if it was a place that most people would consider creepy with housing the dead and all. Erin had left earlier that day, something that Caleb should have been taking full advantage of with the cold storage free for the brain snatching but he could do that another time as this was atrocious. 

Van’s voice cut through his thoughts, making the zombie jump and realize he probably shouldn’t have had his back to the driveway. No telling who the hell would walk up behind him. Caleb was just lucky that this time it was someone he knew. “You really should announce yourself when you’re walking up to somebody. What if I was someone who hit first and asked questions later when scared?” Something that would never be true. Caleb was not a fighter by nature but there were others out there that most definitely were. 

Caleb smiled up at her though, definitely intrigued by the spicy pickle she had mentioned. He turned to sit, taking his gloves off before reaching out and taking the pickle from her. “How about I not be greedy and we can share it? I wouldn’t want to take the whole thing from you.” Looking around them at her question, he nodded, squinting when he looked back up at her. “Yea, it was getting pretty bad out here. I haven’t done it in a while, I’ve been a little busy. Are you busy today or do you want to stick around and help?”

“What were you going to do, throw some dirt at me?” Really, she wouldn’t put it past him. Van arched a brow and looked over his shoulder at the mess he had created. It’d turn into something nice soon enough, she was sure of it. Van knelt down next to him as he offered to share and she shrugged. “No, you’re good. I’ve got like, three more in the fridge back at home.” It wasn’t really home, but she didn’t need to dive into the intricacies of losing her home to the goo and how she was staying with a doctor she barely knew. If anything, he might just worry like Erin did, or become upset that she hadn’t asked him for help instead. 

“You want me to weed?” A deep frown formed at the corners of her mouth and she let out a dramatic sigh. “I guess I can help, but only because you’re like, cool and not some weirdo.” She pulled her bag off of her shoulder and set it to the side, uncaring if it got dirt on it. “Where do I even start? It looks like a gopher got into this place.” She tossed a clump of weeds away from where she knelt and grabbed another handful, ripping it from the ground. “Do you like doing this stuff? I don’t know why.” 

“I have a tiny gardening shovel and I’m not afraid to use it.” He lifted the tool up for emphasis, waving it a little before it was abandoned in favor of the pickle still waiting on him to devour. He’d eaten so much regular food lately that it was starting to become a habit again. Still, the idea of not sharing with her when he didn’t even need it didn’t sit right with him. He’d learned long ago that it was futile to argue with Van though and this was such a little thing to start one over that he didn’t see the point. So, he bit into it, savoring the spice that came with the otherwise bland treat. “Thank you for this. I forgot to eat lunch.” A lie. Caleb was getting better at those, wasn’t he?

“Only if you want to. I’m not going to force you into hard labor.” He had to laugh at her comment. It had been comical in the first place but he also knew how weird he actually was whereas Van didn’t get to see much of that from him. Not many people had. “Being called cool by Van Zhou is basically a highlight. If only people could recognize that about me in high school.” Caleb watched her start pulling the extra weeds he hadn’t gotten to, the pickle slowly dwindling down as he continued to munch on it while considering her question. “I mean, it’s my job, but yea I do like it. I like the peace. But I also like being helpful, I guess. If I can make Erin’s life easier by taking on the gardening here then that’s a good day for me.” That went for any help he gave people. It made him less anxious, like there was a reason he was in these people’s lives. “Do you like serving pizza?”

Van looked at the shovel that Caleb held, nodding. “Okay, yeah, I guess that would hurt.” Maybe she should heed his warning. Van leaned down and waved her hand over some of the already pulled weeds, feeling the edges of their leaves tickling her palm. She pulled back and looked over at Caleb as he gave thanks for the pickle and she waved it away, hand pushing through the space between them, fingers wiggling. “You don’t need to thank me, but you owe me a pickle like, later on or something.” She grinned at him before putting her hands on her hips, arching a brow. 

“Just because you know me so well and know that I hate being outside doesn’t mean I won’t help.” It did mean that she would silently complain about it, but she was down for helping somebody out, especially somebody who was kind to her, all things considered. She yanked another clump of weeds and tossed them to the side where a pile was already forming. It seemed like monotonous work, but the kind that made time go by fast. Van pulled another clump, looking over at Caleb as he spoke. “Yeah, I guess Erin deserves to have it easy, huh? She gave me a phone after mine broke and she always makes sure I have something to eat… does she do that with you, too?” Caleb was a lot older than herself, but it seemed like Erin had it in her to care about pretty much anyone. At his question, she shook her head. “No, I hate it, but um, it pays the bills or whatever old people say.” Another clump, and then another. She wiped her hands on the grass and pulled another before sighing. “Helping Erin is cool and all, but this like, sucks. Don’t your hands get sore?” 

It would more than hurt, the thought crossed his mind as he glanced over at the gardening tool again. Shove that thing in someone’s neck and they were a goner. Maybe that was something he shouldn’t mention. Raising an eyebrow at her comment, he bypassed the talk about the shovel in favor of a playful retort. “So, this wasn’t out of the goodness of your heart? The reluctance should have given that away, my bad.” Despite his teasing, Caleb made a mental note to pick a few up for her next time he was at the store. Even if she hadn’t been serious it would still be a nice thing to do.

He chuckled before taking another bite of the pickle in hand, wondering why Van even wanted to help in the first place. “Well, thank you very much, Van. I know this must be torture for you so it’s heartwarming that you would do this for me.” Caleb was half serious as he said it, watching her pull another clump from the ground before he scarfed the rest of the pickle so he could join her. As he pulled on a stubborn weed, he couldn’t help the genuine smile forming as the conversation shifted to how giving Erin was, a trait he knew that had been passed down. “She does, actually. Did I ever tell you that her dad took me in just like she took you in? It wasn’t exactly the same but I think he’s the reason I’m still here. The whole family is amazing.” 

He pulled at a few more as Van spoke, now wondering how long he had actually neglected this task. It seemed Caleb needed to be more aware of his schedule. “Us old people also think we should be miserable just to pay bills. I thought the younger generation knew the value of not torturing yourselves.” Something he admired. He loved that people were taking care of themselves more these days. “Have you ever thought about looking for something else? There are other jobs that can pay the bills.” He laughed as he tossed another handful of weeds to the pile, shaking his head. “They used to. But callouses start to help and once your muscles get used to it the pain is pretty much gone. I don’t even think about it anymore.”

Van mocked Caleb by sticking her tongue out at him. She liked to do things for people, even if she didn’t actually want to do them. She was a little bit selfish, but the people in her life deserved assistance purely for putting up with her bullshit. Caleb was one of those people. They lived on the outskirts of one another’s lives, but he was in her peripherals often enough with the involvement of Erin that she felt like she knew him. Plus, in recent years, she felt like she really got to talk to him more. Maybe it was because she’d become an adult. 

Caleb’s presence made Van look up, and a part of her feared that maybe he would tell her she was doing it all wrong, but instead there was a comfortable silence that fell between them. The kind that she didn’t feel the need to fill, which, in Van’s case, was pretty rare. “Wait, really?” She raised a brow. She hadn’t considered that. “I don’t think I ever met her dad. If I did, I don’t… really remember it.” Van had been consumed with a lot of her own stuff, so much so that up until her grandma left, she didn’t see a whole lot of Erin. In recent years, though, they’d become closer, and it was something she was thankful for. “That’s really nice of him, and I guess it’s nice of Erin to keep you around.” She grinned at him, scooching over slightly in case he tried to lash out. 

“See, like, I’d love to not torture myself and whatever, but the bills stack up and then I get overwhelmed.” There was a whole two months where she simply didn’t turn on the air conditioning for the sake of saving pennies. She wasn’t really sure if it’d been worth it considering how warm the house had gotten. At Caleb’s question, she rolled her shoulders. “I mean, sure, like, a little bit.” Erin had asked her the same thing, and so had Dr. Kavanagh. There were a slew of people questioning why she was still at Sly Slice. “Rocky lets me pick my own hours and that’s really nice… that’s why I stick around, I think.” That, and the fear that nobody else will ever hire her. Van looked over at Caleb’s hands as he commented on his callouses, “I think I got a callous on my pinky once.” She paused for a brief moment, pulling another weed, “from holding my phone weird while playing Candy Crush.” She lifted her hand and stuck out her pinky for Caleb to see. “Or wait, maybe that’s more of a dent, actually.” She squinted at it with a frown before returning to the menial task of pulling weeds. “So like, not super different from you I guess.” 

Rolling his eyes at her playful gesture, the zombie slowly let his smile slip as he continued on. “You missed out then…he was a good man.” He didn’t mean for the quiet grief to take over but Caleb averted his eyes to the ground so that he didn’t have to look at Van as the moment passed. It was still hard without Jack there but it was also nice to appreciate the people who were still around. “I didn’t have the best home life and Jack recognized that…mostly because I was hanging out in his cemetery at midnight more often than not. He spoke to me one night, I told him what was going on, and I think he gave me a job to keep an eye on me and let me have an excuse to get out of the house more.” He grinned right back at Van, shaking his head at the comment but grateful to move back into a more playful territory. “No, you’re right. It is nice of her to put up with me.”

Caleb paused his movements to look over at her, concern starting to sprout in his chest. Why did she remind him so much of him and yet the two were wildly different in so many ways? “If you ever need help, all you have to do is ask, Van. I know Erin helps you out but I’m around too. Just…you know, just in case.” If she were anything like him when it came to money or gifts though she wouldn’t ask easily. Still, the offer was there. The last thing he wanted was to see her suffer. She was Aria’s friend, Erin cared about her, but he did too and he would readily help in situations that helped ease the financial burden even if that meant making his own worse. 

In an attempt to make this less awkward on his end, he pulled another weed, willing to let her drop it if she wanted to. Luckily a distraction came in the form of her shoving her pinky in his face. Unluckily, it only deepened his concern for the girl. “Yea maybe you should limit your phone time. That’s a crater. How long do you have to hold your phone for that to happen?” He was staring at it before she moved it away to continue working with him and Caleb mumbled as he pulled the last of the weeds on his side. “I don’t know if they’re similar. I’m not technologically advanced enough to know how machinery affects the body.”

The way that Caleb spoke about Erin made her a little jealous. She wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because Erin had dedicated a lot of time to her, and the idea that she might dedicate it to others, too, meant that she wasn’t the priority. Though, hadn’t she fought against the idea that she should be? She hated the concern that crossed over the older woman’s features. Van listened to Caleb as he spoke, her earlier jealousy disintegrating as soon as he explained why he was so close to Erin. Or rather, her father, and then her by proxy. “That was nice of him.” It reminded her of the way that Erin had taken her in, or at least tried. If only she’d really let her. 

Van picked at the dried skin at the edge of her thumb, gaze fixating on the clumps of weeds at Caleb’s side. His comment pulled her back and she shook her head. “I like it better when you make fun of me.” It was easier that way. It was harder with the people who knew her, better with the people who didn’t. Nora, Cass, Thea… they knew her darkest secret, or at least part of it. But people like Caleb and Erin, they knew everything that came before that, and she found that more terrifying than the former. She flexed her fingers, dusting away some of the dead skin as it peeled beneath her nail. “Thanks though, I um… I really appreciate that.” She offered a small smile. 

But like all things, it was easy to fall into the rhythm of something less cruel. She frowned at his comment and rolled her eyes. “Just because you don’t know how to play Candy Crush doesn’t mean you need to talk about how long I do or don’t hold my phone, you know.” She reached into the dirt, uprooting another weed before tossing into the still growing pile. Van snorted at his admission of technology ineptness. “Look… technology isn’t even that hard. You don’t still have a flip phone, do you? Like, one of those old ones from the early 2000’s?” 

Caleb let her comment linger in the air for a moment but didn’t reply. He didn’t need to. Jack was one of the nicest people he’d ever met and he was glad that legacy was living on through the ones that cared most for him but he didn’t think he could keep going without the emotion taking over completely. It made him feel better that he wasn’t the only one vulnerable though, his lips pulling up into a smile at how she liked less emotion in their talks. He did too, but she needed to know that he was there if needed and now that she did it could pass. Their snark could live on. “Of course.”

It was then that he pulled one of the last weeds out of the ground, his scoff of laughter accentuating the motion. “You’ve deformed your finger for a phone game, I don’t think you have any room to judge me. What if I don’t want to know how to play Candy Crust?” Picking up a garbage bag, Caleb started to throw the weeds they’d pulled into it as he continued. “No, I don’t have a flip phone. I’m not that bad. But I do remember those and if you don’t appreciate the iconic flip to end a bad conversation we can’t be friends anymore.” 

“Maybe it’s a good thing that you’re out here helping me. Some fresh air and physical labor is good for you.” The zombie gave her a pointed look as his mind went back to what the late 90’s/early 00’s was like. Kids played outside, people connected a lot easier despite not having a handheld computer readily available. It was a good era and not appreciated enough by the younger generations. Old man Caleb was coming out to play.  “Plus Snake will beat your Candy Crust any day.”

“Why wouldn’t you want to know how to play Candy Crush? It’s a great game, Caleb.” The tone that Van spoke with was of high importance, and she stared at him ublinking, challenging him to disagree with her. If he did, she didn’t really care– she just thought it was a little funny. It was nice, not being so in her head, and with people like Caleb, people who knew her, but not everything… it made it easier to digest being in their presence. 

“You have a face of somebody who looks like they’d have a flip phone though, has anyone ever told you that?” She grinned at him before stuffing some of the weeds into the garbage bag, frowning as one caught on some of the dry skin of her hand. She shoved it into the bag and got to her feet. “They make them now, I think people want to like, relive the flip-phone era or something.” She’d been thinking about getting one, but she wasn’t fond of Android systems, plus she wasn’t really in the market for choosing her new phone. 

She rolled her eyes at Caleb’s comment before leaning down to shove the rest of the weeds she had uprooted into the bag, patting some back inside as she moved the bag too quickly and they nearly spilled out. Van blew some hair out of her face, exhaling dramatically. “Candy Crush, and I know what Snake is. I could beat you at that, too.” Wiping her hands off on the backs of her pants, she looked down at her pile, satisfied that she had managed to clear it. Maybe a part of what Caleb said was right– about the outdoors, fresh air, manual labor… she hated it though, and she wanted to go inside. She’d had enough. All this talk of Candy Crush made her wish she was tapping away on her screen right now. “I think we should be done for today, do you think so?” 

“Maybe because you want me to know it so badly.” His eyes widened playfully with a teasing smile pulling at his lips. In truth, Caleb didn’t have the time for games anymore. Being undead was supposed to mean an eternity to do what you wanted but for him it just meant more time to work. Even if his aging had stopped, that didn’t mean his landlord didn’t expect his rent to be paid. But it wouldn’t be a day in the life of Van and Caleb if they didn’t tease each other and he couldn’t let her have all of the fun.

“You know what? I’m going to take that as a compliment. I know you think that’s some kind of insult but I like my generation.” The implication of not enjoying hers settled between them as he gave her a satisfied smirk. It wasn’t often that he was comfortable enough with someone to joke around like this but things with Van had always been easy. Besides, she started it. “That’s because they were awesome. I’ve been telling you this, you don’t listen.”  He watched her carefully as she started to fiddle with the bag, the zombie reaching out and taking it from her after the first almost spill. He didn’t want her carrying it anyway…or drag if he were being honest. “You probably could, not even going to lie. And yea, I think this is good for now. It looks presentable, at least.” He took the bag over to the bed of his truck before turning to her and nodding his head toward the house. “Let’s see if Mrs. Nichols has anything cold to drink. I think you earned something refreshing.” And a few spicy pickles. Reaching up, Caleb ruffled her hair if only to annoy her further as they walked up to the house, his arm resting comfortably over her shoulder. “Good work, Van.”

[meimi-haneoka]

"With hindsight" Part 1 - a Yuna D. Kaito analysis because I won't be over the new chapter for a good while

Alright, I said it in my commentary/translation differences post for Chapter 70, but I'm far from having finished analyzing and saying what I wanted to say about what transpired from this last chapter, and since I need an outlet to vent my thoughts otherwise I'm going to implode, I'll start this post right away. To be honest this is just a collection of scenes from the whole story that I will be revisiting with the hindsight that Chapter 70 finally gave us. Scenes about Kaito, specifically. I'll try to give what I think is the right interpretation, but of course these are just my thoughts on the matter.

Drama CD n. 1

I will start not from the manga, but actually from the Drama CDs. The Drama CDs are "canon" to the manga storyline, because they insert themselves perfectly among the manga chapters, and they show us some "unreleased scenes" in the shape of audio recordings. This above is the extract of the scene that features Akiho coming home right after her first day of school, and her first meeting with Sakura. Now that we know what Kaito wanted to do...this scene takes such a tender connotation.... I mean....he welcomed Akiho home with sakura flavored tea to celebrate her meeting with Sakura....isn't that sweet??? Momo of course had to tease him about it, but for him it was such a pivotal element to his mission. And now I understand why he asked Akiho "it came from you?" when she said she told Sakura she wanted to be friends with her. He never forced anything. He only created the opportunity for them to meet and click together, but he pinned his hopes for them to get along in destiny and in their similarities. Because you know, his plan was perfect in his head, but if Sakura and Akiho couldn't get along it would've been all for nothing. He couldn't force Akiho to become a sister of someone she didn't love to begin with. And he sounds so interested, so eager to listen to Akiho's talk about her first day of school. He's genuinely glad to hear her so excited about her new friend. In this extract we also get glimpses of how Kaito was still learning to laugh properly, and that's another detail that crushes my heart. He has such a dead stare, when he was in the Association. Or we get the mention of how important, fundamental it was for him to obtain Eriol's house. Because he needed it for its magical protection properties. He needed it to protect her. And he was so nervous about finding an hindrance there. I can say thank you to Eriol for not leaving any spell inside that house, hahaha 😅

Drama CD n. 2

More Kaito tring to create "chances" for Sakura and Akiho to meet and bond. Just like tring to give a little "push". Although, Momo lectures him on the fact that there's no need to push things that way, that eventually Akiho and Sakura can become friends even without tricks... And the thing Momo hinted at, before trailing off? Yea, we always go back there. His limited understanding of love and relationships. Especially when they touch him. But he really tried to do his best with what he knew. "I have to make it work, somehow"

This is something different, though. This was one of the first attempts from Momo to make Kaito try to reflect on the reason why he's doing all of this. First, pointing out that he became quite informed on all kind of trivial things that he couldn't give a damn before. She mentions the character bento he made for Akiho. That's definitely something that goes beyond a butler's duty. He shrugs it off with a ridiculous excuse, so Momo tries again. She tries to make him realize that he changed. "No, I'm not that good at this" is a way to negate that. "No, I haven't changed, this is just job". And so Momo insists. He needs to friggin' realize it, he must do it by himself otherwise there's no meaning to it, but he has to. "Is this only because of the forbidden spell?" "Yes" "Just that?" Kaito doesn't answer. And serves the wine. That's when you know Momo made him uncomfortable. He doesn't say "Yes, just that" because something deep down inside of him is kicking and screaming the truth, and looking at how much he adores Akiho, he wouldn't try to deny that. But still, he dodges the question and that makes Momo irritated.

Damn, these hurt. Akiho, thanks to the synchro with Sakura, experienced her same dream and even heard the ominous voice. The one that now we know belongs to the Association, and warned Kaito of his destiny if he dared messing with the artifact. Here Kaito tries to cheer Akiho up because he thinks she's scared that something might happen to that "Alice", aka Sakura. To think that warning was actually for him.....I bet he knew. But since she heard it related to Sakura, he assumed she was scared because of that. Again, he tried to protect the bond between the two girls. And when he says "I will never allow that to happen", that was the biggest clue that he didn't intend to harm Sakura. Through the years I've always thought back to that phrase. He kept her in high regard because she would be the one who would fundamentally save his dear Akiho and make her happy one day. He would've protected her too, if necessary. Momo takes the chance again. The opportunity it's too good because gosh, here he is so serious and so fired up, he needs to realize who he's doing this for and why. And yet, Kaito not only doesn't understand, but also denies any deep involvement passing it off as "just what I decided to do" and then storms off the room with an excuse. When pressured about that matter, Kaito runs. And here my heart breaks because Momo has seen tragedies happening before, because of that book...and she didn't want to see another one. Not with these children in particular, these kids she cherishes so much. Now you understand why she cried in ch. 70?

"It's my job" - vol. 3

Now we switch to the manga. As soon as Kaito gets introduced, CLAMP are set in showing him as a polite, skilled but also distant type of person. So, merely a few panels after we saw how sweetly he told her she's never a bother to him, we see him breaking Akiho's heart by stating that this is job to him. Nothing could be worse for Akiho, who's used to be considered a burden by everyone. And yet. That's a lie that he's first and foremost telling to himself. Cause this is infinitely easier to bear if he pretends he's only doing it because it's his job. I'm not saying he's consciously lying - he doesn't want to peek in his heart, as Momo said later on. He's refusing to. Cause what he might find there might make this impossible to carry out.

"I'm glad about that" - vol. 4

Huge hint here. Kaito goes to pick Akiho up at Sakura's home, and on the way back Akiho tells him how kind Sakura is, and how she cares for everyone. Kaito asks "even for you?" and Akiho confirms happily. While his smile might have looked like it had a streak of shadiness, here, after chapter 70 it magically doesn't appear like that anymore. It's a sincere, kind smile. Kaito is glad that the two girls are bonding, and particularly that Sakura seems very well inclined towards Akiho. His bet with destiny seems in his favor, now. Sakura might indeed become a good sister for Akiho. That also explains his almost exaggerated reverence when he earlier called Sakura "Kinomoto-sama". That was honest respect for her.

"My name is Yuna D. Kaito" - vol. 4

I've always, always wondered about this scene. WHY, why did he go out of his way to introduce himself to Syaoran? Without even masking his powers? Was he challenging him? Wasn't it better if he stayed in the shadows and avoided him at best of his capacity? No. First of all, he wanted to know for himself who this famous "Syaoran Li" was. If he was a decent person, since Akiho would have eventually to be around him a lot, after becoming Sakura's sister. But also because......this meeting set off all of Syaoran's alarms, he contacted Eriol immediately to check on him etc. Kaito villainizing himself with Sakura's entourage was a test to check how efficient their protection network was, in case Akiho needed it in the future. Because, being part of the family, if anything (namely, the Association/Clan) still found the way to harm her, they would at least be there instead of him to protect her. His smile is so kind here....and now we know it's sincere.

Kaito's pocket watch - vol. 4

Leave me alone, I look at this page now and I can't help bawling my eyes out. Akiho of course knew how important that watch was to Kaito. She didn't know why, but probably by the way he always had it with him, she inferred it. And it became basically a symbol of him, for her. So much that she wanted to try recreating the pattern for the decoration of the cake roll that she would give him later. She's so observant, especially with him. To think that now....that watch is in her hands.....all damaged, broken....just like him....and that it will certainly lead her back to him...........OKAY LET'S MOVE ON

"Towards that time" - vol. 4

JESUS CHRIST the expression he's got here. It must be one of the sweetest he's ever had (also, the whiplash from the older character design is big). Momo had just being revealed as "being alive" and asked him if "that time" (WE KNOW NOW what time that was) was coming anytime soon...and while looking tenderly at his watch, he said that the cards (important "ingredient" of the magic he wanted to activate) were gathering more and more, and leading them to "that time". He's so glad, once again, that things are looking good so far. He seems like he's thinking "soon, she'll be free".

"Please...laugh like that again!" Vol. 4

Finally, the confirmation of Kaito's wholesomeness in this scene. First of all, how truly excited he was to open and eat Akiho's cake roll. By now we all know what kind of issues he had with food "previously": he fed himself with energy bars when he was little, couldn't care less how food tasted, and shunned most of Lilie's attempts at making him eat something different. Even when trying to find something he liked, the maximum he reached was "I can eat it". He wasn't excited for anything. But here, here we can see how much he loved to receive something from Akiho, baked directly by her. Even if people surely thought he might have just pretended (believing he had who-knows-what ominous plan to use her in the end), you could actually already find your answers in the shape of his speech bubbles. They're all bubbly and excited, especially when he says "it's delicious". Guys, knowing the flashback of chapter 60 where he couldn't find anything he really liked, this scene takes on a huge meaning. He finally defined something as "delicious". And of course, it came from Akiho. And thanks to how strangely "in tune" he seems with his true self (maybe because Akiho's present sparked true happiness in him?), we also have the rare "laugh scene". This scene often has been mistaken for Kaito laughing at Sakura's troubles, as if her troubles with the Cards amused him in a wicked way. Even here, we get the confirmation there wasn't any sinister kind of vibe to this laugh, it was just the laugh of someone who found the situation involuntarily cute (indeed, he apologizes with a blush right away, and a blush it's not something you normally summon at command, far less with someone who's still learning to manage his emotions). Akiho's "Please laugh like that again!" leaves him speechless, for a moment. It's the same suprised face he will make all the times Akiho will try to express her feelings towards him later on. Always that same, foolish, astounded face. He can't really believe someone would care for him. And his little smile right after, in this scene, suggests the thing warmed his heart and made him happy. ...alas, that also made him even more fired up to bring to completion his plan, as the scene that ensues right after this one suggests.

The dreams - Vol. 4

Same scene, this is the first time that Akiho let the readers know that she's been having dreams based on Sakura's experiences with the Clear Cards (and this is where I'M SURE that everyone thought "Kaito wants to give Akiho Sakura's magical powers, that's why she's dreaming of them"), under the guise of Alice's adventures. But it's definitely not the first time that she tells Kaito about this. It seems like a thing that's been happening for a while. We'll probably find out in the next chapters what these dreams were for in the grand scheme of things, personally I have several ideas but none of them seems to convince me enough, the only thing I know is that Kaito seems pleased that Akiho experiences these dreams so maybe they're connected to his plan (either for the play or for the life after the re-writing of the memories).

"Don't worry...I'll be by your side" - Vol. 5

Dear god, he always looks at her with such kind eyes. Always so full of love. Especially here, after she had her first synchronization with Sakura, so intense that she was about to pass out. Akiho had the opportunity to "channel" the vision Sakura was having in that same moment, and saw someone wearing the robe of her clan (this is how we find out for the first time that robe belonged to a clan and she was part of it). She was visibly distressed, and Kaito gently coaxed her to sleep, to rest. To be honest the situation with the dreams with MCF is yet to be clarified, so I won't push for an interpretation or the other, but I am inclined to believe Kaito wasn't particularly keen on having Akiho experience these kind of dreams. After all, the less she thinks about her abusive clan, the better. What he really was interested in was that she could experience the "Alice" dreams, not these ones that made her only extremely worried.

Confrontation with Eriol - vol. 5

Certainly, the most discussed and criticized scene. Because Kaito here didn't have any qualms in "attacking" directly Eriol. Always at the last moment, of course, because Eriol finished pretty much spilling anything he knew of Kaito to Kero and Yue by the time he interrupted them. Kaito will always be like this, even further along the story, when he decides to intervene. He really needs to be pushed into a corner to do so (and that's also an evidence of how he really doesn't enjoy nor he's inclined to attack people or cause problems). I always reiterated this however I could, in fandom spaces. Of course, he's not here to f*ck around. His goal is serious. He's staking his life on it, so if he needs to use strong methods, he will. However, it's not really clear what he intended to do to Eriol here. My idea is that he was just trying to destroy the communication (which surely must have been highly magically reinforced) between Eriol and the Guardians, but not cause to Eriol directly any harm. We see the staff cracking (cracks that are "healed" as soon as Eriol destroys Kaito's spell - one of the spikes breaking is an anime-only scene), maybe he wanted to break his magic tool to prevent any further intromission, but that's it. We don't see any bolt hitting Eriol or anything like that. He wasn't directly harmed. The fact that we see Eriol so debilitated for months is just because he depleted his magical power in order to counter Kaito's interruption, and that caused extreme exhaustion. Kaito is that strong. But, pay attention, Eriol afterwards will say that certainly Kaito got the same backlash from that attempted interruption too. After all, Eriol got his magic halved, but he's still a pretty formidable magician. So Kaito must have used lots of magic to "break in". But, as Eriol inferred from the rumors he heard of Kaito, he simply didn't show it and didn't care about the backlash. We have seen him faking to be completely ok while having heart attacks, do you think something like this could've fazed him?

Inverse dreams - vol. 5

Right after the confrontation with Eriol (maybe he was exhausted himself, but perfectly pretending he wasn't) he returned immediately to Akiho's side to be there when she woke up. Back then I was so mad at him because he promised to be by her side and then left as soon as she fell asleep, but with hindsight he was just, again, thinking about her and in her interest. She's constantly at the top of his priorities. Interrupting Eriol and ensuring that he wouldn't interfere with his plan would've allowed him to save her. Unfortunately, Akiho had a scary dream. Not "sad", but precisely "scary". And that's when we see for the first time Kaito becoming alarmed. Because Akiho saw her usual Clockland dream turning into something scary and she even heard a voice. Pay attention to her retelling of the dream: Alice meets in Clockland lots of strange creatures and inhabitants, she lives lots of curious experiences...she even sees a mirror capable of copying magic....BUT THEN...Akiho heard a clock's ticking sound growing louder and louder, and heard the sound of something breaking somewhere. Then, a voice (and this is where both Momo and Kaito grow immediately alarmed): "You can't come back anymore". When this chapter was released, it wasn't long that Syaoran and Sakura had that "date in the sky" thanks to the newly created Mirror Card, so we all thought that she simply saw the events that had just occurred with Sakura, as usual. But...pay attention...doesn't it remind you of something? Yes...this is exactly how things went in the story Kaito prepared for Clockland. Alice meets the inhabitants of Clockland, she visits and see curious things, but then there's the whole mess with Kaito and Syaoran using the two Mirror Cards....so what about the clock ticking sound and something breaking somewhere? Did Akiho have a dream of one of the possible outcomes of Clockland? Especially cause from her words and the panel, it's inferred that differently from other times, this Alice looked like Sakura. She doesn't say it aloud (in the very same scene of the Drama CD, she does), but to Kaito it's apparent that Akiho saw someone else other than her, and so it could have only been Sakura. Was something supposed to happen to Sakura? Kaito comforts Akiho in one of the sweetest scenes between the two, cause he can't stand to see her so worried. The smiles between the two, so tender, really tug at my heartstrings. Especially cause...he knows what "you can't come back anymore" refers to. I am just thinking whether Akiho dreamt of a future in which she went berserk in Clockland, and absorbed Sakura, hence the one who could not come back would be her in the end... Momo's warning that this dream could very well turn out to be true does nothing but firing Kaito up even more. I have the impression that he would've protected Sakura too, if necessary.

"Sacrificing something important" - Vol. 6

Momo basically told us Kaito's past here, and it was a big moment of revelation for the story. Finally we got some insight in Kaito's background, ever since he was a very small child. Why? Because it'll be important later. The reason why he acted how he acted, and accepted to take on his shoulders all the burden of such a self-sacrificing mission, is all here. When people accuse him to be "stupid", or ignorant because he doesn't understands Akiho's feelings (nor his own), they have to keep well in consideration what they told us in these pages (and further). This is also the very first time in which Momo confirms to the readers that Kaito is sacrificing something important in order to activate a "dangerous magic". She was meaning his life, of course, but also his relationship with Akiho.

"No matter where I look for them...I wouldn't be able to find those memories" - Vol. 6

Ah, g*ddammit. This scene hurts like a thousand bricks in the face now. Oof. Let's see...there's a lot to unpack here (and luckily it's the last feature for this first part). Big mess outside Sakura's house, Akiho's book is about to open up, she's already on the brink of losing her conscience and Kaito stopped time to prevent this mess from going any further. We find out that when Kaito picked Akiho up earlier on, he briefly investigated Sakura's house, finding out all the peculiarities about it (Nadeshiko's barrier, which at this time he still didn't know it was her doing) Now we know why he did so. He was checking out the place where Akiho would be living after he activated the forbidden magic. He had to make sure that it was a good place, and it was. This barrier he found was protecting the people inside, so it was perfect. We also find out that with a (questionable but harmless) trick he also checked a bit of Sakura's memories (probably in connection to the fact that he had to record Sakura's memories too, inside the Time Book). Momo makes sure to criticize him for that, and that's mostly where the "your personality is warped" goes to: sometimes he can be quite weird or inappropriate with the way he goes about things, but never to the extent of actually harming people. This will repeat again when he'll choose to use a "smiling" spell on Syaoran, later on. Compared to what this formidable magician is capable of doing, it's rather silly.

But the topic of reading Sakura's memories leads Kaito down a painful road. Because while he could ascertain that Sakura indeed lived a happy life with a wonderful family and lots of lovely people around her (thus making the situation ideal to insert Akiho in there and leave her in safe hands), his dear Akiho never had any of that. And he gets lost in this train of thought. Even if he tried looking for that kind of memories in her mind with the sweets he used with Sakura, he'd never find them. Because they never existed in the first place. No kind family, no happy memories. What he saw in Sakura back then was both reassuring but also a punch in the gut for him. This is another proof that Kaito isn't merely trying to fix a mistake to ease his conscience. He loves her, cares for her, and can't accept how much this poor girl had to suffer by the hands of the same cult that ruined him too. In short, he wants to make her happy. And all of that heartwrenching feeling goes in that hand that slowly, timidly, almost uncertainly tries to caress her face. I am convinced he's suffering along with her because he knows all too well what it means to live your life in loneliness. And even though he pretended he was completely fine with it, that cold, hollow feeling left its mark. Molded him. Conditioned his life and behavior. See, the biggest "irony" of all of this is that he's already making her happy, the happiest she's ever been, but he just can't fathom that because of his self-loathing. It is so heavy that it makes him blind to both her and his own feelings too. Of course, all this storm of feels doesn't go unnoticed to Momo, who takes immediately the opportunity for a comment, hoping to spark in him the understanding of where all those painful feelings come from: "You should see your face, right now". It was certainly something that he never had for anyone else before. Him, the one who couldn't care less about others and forming bonds with them, is now suffering for someone else he holds dear. And this one bond he formed is so powerful that is changing everything of him. I'd daresay that the hardest part of all of this is that, when he accepted the "Seal of D." at the very beginning of the journey because he was just a kid, he had nothing to lose and couldn't find a purpose in life, but now the time he spent with Akiho changed everything of him, included that "I have nothing to lose". No matter how much he fought it, the bond he tried to recoil from still naturally happened by itself. Because that's what happens when you spend time with others and have experiences together.

We'll explore this particular aspect better in the second part on this analysis, when his body will start literally to mutiny against him and his stubborness on its own.

[igglemouse]

Episode 11 ~ Narcos

Estela spent most of the tour being impressed by the place and especially my two boys. She didn’t get to properly meet them though as they were fast asleep and being a mother herself she knew better than to selfishly wake them. She’s a mother of two and once I discovered that we bonded over it. She has a boy and a girl that are around the same age as Marcos and Felipe so I think I might have found two playmates for them already.

“Like you, I mostly stay at home, but I hear you do a bit of yoga?” She said, eventually we moved off the subject of our children.

“Yes! Well, I have not done it in a while but we do have a little club going.”

“I’ve met Irene the other day actually and she was telling me all about it.”

Irene is Ian’s girlfriend and a best friend of mines. Ian is Alonso’s brother and so he’s family as well. That makes him the uncle to my boys. It’s amazing how fast a new family tree is made and the strong connections that come from it.

“She was saying I could join but that your leader is sort of obsessed with yoga,” Estela continues.

“Ah, Alejandra, Allie, as we call her. Yeah, she’s pretty strict about the yoga thing but she’s taking a break from it too because of her own pregnancy.”

“Mmmhm, that makes sense. Still, I’d be interested in joining. I guess we are all family in a way, we have to create a strong bond so that we can support each other and defend each other. We are not ordinary wives, to be sure-”

“I’m engaged so-“

“You know what I mean. These men that we are dating are dangerous people with dangerous jobs. They will need our support but more than that, our loyalty. You, me, Alejandra, and Irene, we need to be tight, we need to make sure nothing we do puts our men in danger but more than that because it isn’t just about us, right?”

“Ummm,” I smile a little nervously because I feel like I’m being scolded.

“It’s about our children too, right? After all, what happens if some one tells on Alonso? What happens if the police comes knocking on your door Ines? You might be able to slip free of guilt but he won’t, what happens to all this? What happens to your children?”

“Yea, I’ve thought about this already,” and it is a sobering thought. This is why I never dive too deep into Alonso’s line of work. The less I know, the better.

“I don’t mean to scare you or anything,” she smiles herself but even I can tell it’s more of a mask. “I just want you and the others to understand, the family always comes first. I think you believe that too, Ines, I have a really good feeling here that your priorities are where they should be. Your children and what is best for them comes first and then after that, what is best for your family, that includes all of us, Ines. If Alonso goes down it likely means my husband goes down with him.”

Well, she’s made her point very clear but she’s right. We are all tied into this thing together now. This reminds me that perhaps we should be very very selective about who joins our yoga club and also scrutinize whose still in it. There has been one member who has been asking a lot of suspicious questions lately…

Index - Next

[5town]

please do aaron T x male reader hc

YEA TOTALLY :D ty for ur request i’m very honored to do any x male reader requests

aaron t so queer i love him

Aaron T!

✪ t is a very outwardly affectionate person. even if it comes off as all fun and games to him, he loves having fun, but he loves you even more.

✪ he’s not the kind of guy to have crazy internalized homophobia; he wants to show you off, and as long as you two are safe then he doesn’t care what anyone has to say about you both being masculine ppl in love

✪ t loves putting his hats on you!! usually, he’s never found without one (his reasoning can be up to you 👀) but he’ll find himself just walking around without one because he forgot to take his off of you, but it’s all worth it when he sees you again later and you’re still wearing it 0u0

✪ t using words or phrases in his cultural/first languages (spanish? vietnamese? those are my personal hcs but think as you will) to flirt with you or make pet names out of

✪ t making you food from his culture, maybe some that he grew up eating himself, for you! he loves to take all of himself and give it to you, even going into his past like his first language/s or cultures that he holds close. he doesn’t even really do that with the band boys.

✪ in my hc, he’s a huge (but secret) nerd! he’ll initial lightsaber battles between you two, or start talking in goofy little voices or impressions, or making references that no one but him will get but insists that everyone really should know these things. maybe you two share some of these interests, esp. since his childhood interests are traditionally masculinized media.

✪ he LOVES showing you music. any and all kinds of music. but when things like selena or santana come on, he can’t resist the urge to pull you up and dance with you. even if the song changes to something different, he’ll find a way to dance with you to it.

✪ oh goodness the dates. THE DATES. his personal favorite places to go are places like the trampoline parks in the area, pools, rec centers where he can show off his acrobatic abilities, stuff like that. he loves to do whatever you want, too! but these places are like second homes to him; he knows the names of the workers at the trampoline park and even gets discounts if a 4townie is working the counter that day.

✪ speaking of trampoline parks, when he takes you there, prepare yourself to try and get taught a trick that he can do. first he starts gentle, maybe a front flip or a backflip on a trampoline, but it escalates to him trying to get you to do one when you swing into a sea of foam cubes, and it continues. he loves teaching people (minus old ass jesse) the acrobatic stunts he can do.

✪ speaking of acrobatic stunts, he definitely is one to try and impress you when he’s performing. he doesn’t say it’s for you, but you know it’s for you. especially since you two probably have a thing, a little hand signal or just some form of nonverbal, affectionate communication that stays between you two, that he does towards whatever camera he can find before he does some flip or parkour trick.

✪ there’s a lot of that actually, nonverbal communication. maybe he’s getting pulled off to another interview, or inside another venue, or getting back to his hotel and cannot have you come with him. when things like that happen, he creates whatever little thing that becomes a thing between you two as a way to say goodbye without having to yell over fans or through arms of bodyguards.

✪ but whenever he can, he communicates his thoughts to you as openly as possible. communication is very important to him! he’ll never say it, because he doesn’t like to seem serious during moments that he know he can make someone smile, but he cares about you and your thoughts and feelings a lot. keeping all of that in check is important to him.

✪ during softer moments, you can probably find him making popcorn and turning on a movie for you two, or see him trying to cook your favorite food, or trying to sew something that reminds him of you onto a pair of overalls that he’s actually allowed to alter.

✪ now, he’s not always the one to be the most outward. he enjoys being pampered and loved softly just as you may. during moments where he needs you in that way, you can find him buried in stuff that is just you. whether that means stuff that belongs to you or stuff that reminds him of you is something you’ve yet to ask, but you’re never complaining when you find him in a hoodie of yours, or holding something in his pocket that reminds him of you, or huddled up in a blanket of yours, or him even shyly asking for something from you before he goes on tour just so he can be comfortable without seeing you for so long.

✪ one last soft hc that is a bit more angsty, but in light of t’s softer hcs.. while he doesn’t have internalized homophobia, there is a bit of internalized toxic masculinity in him that doesn’t let him cry, that doesn’t let him let loose because “he’s a man and he shouldn’t be so soft about these things” but oh he is. you’re there for him when he cries, when he doesn’t want to be the “big strong man” that he’s always felt he needs to be, when he just wants to be in your arms the way he knows you’re in his.

[tragedyofromance]

@woodswit thank you tagging me and yea this is abt me

1. are you named after anyone?

Yes I am, my mother names me after a famous Russian song writer Nikita bogoslovskiy ( not Russian lol so it was that was the reason why) but I like it as it mean victorious, or leader to victory

2. when was the last time you cried?

6 months ago, it's generally a pattern I do one big cry maybe a whole day or whole afternoon just silently im not really a sobber, unless im forced to talk about it then I guess its more obvious that im crying otherwise a watery esque eye my eyes doesn't get red, You really wouldn't have guess anything, which at times can be sucker since if it was a bit more obvious the ppl around me would ask even if i would have denied it. But that would have still felt nice. But since they usually cant tell and is being completely normal i just feel like i should go along with it, and then the next day its over i do try to cey again but i just cant, i always think i cried it out so theres nothing more and then when 6 months comes in the cycle continues. It's not necessarily healthy, but you know what, whatever,

3. do you have kids?

No, and thank God, right now I'm just not in the mental state or maturity level to look after, provide for another human,

In saying this I do want to have a child, 2 :D, but I want to be mentally capable, and have enough finance saved to create the village that my child would have, (baby sitters, night nurse, travel nanny, doula care, my afterbirth message therapy, postpartum in home care helping with cleaning or making meals) though I may not use these services I want money there so that if need it it'll be there in case of post partum depressiob, I work in childcare some parents and colleagues i work with do not have any help, or only grandparent help and that can also be taxing on the parents not necessarily financially. So it can be emotional struggle and which could lead to a strain in the emotional and physical relationship between the couples,, which I see can at times turn into into resentment when you think your partner is not doing enough, or not feeling supported. Which can lead to feeling too overwhelmed and not being able to enjoy being a parent ( like I don't understand why some ppl say have usually boomer grandparents say have back to back children and in the next 5 years it'll be easy and calm like what about during it, and also why do I want to struggle or look back and not have too fond memories like that never made sense 2 me

so yea before having a child I know I want money saved to cover all these for atleast the 8 months before even thinking of a having a child, I mean in my culture grandparents will look after and stay with with with mother for atleast 6 months to look after both child and mum but still for safety sake.

This was a really long statement lol

4. what sports do you play/have played?

Hockey, netball, tag rugby

5. do you use sarcasm?

Yup. It's the best

6. what's the first thing you notice about people? Whether or not they're performing or being genuine.

7. what’s your eye color? Brown

8. scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings get nightmares

9. any talents? Artistic creations, and cooking I'm very good :D

10. where were you born? Kuwait

11. what are your hobbies? Social media, sculpting with, creating art in many different ways, music i can literally drive for hours, just before reaching home i go the longest way possible, i also enjoy going for a walk when its windy for an hour or more, i want to do wood carving, and forging a knife, and learning to sow and create beautiful clothing

12. do you have any pets? Yep had two and one died

13. how tall are you? 5'3

14. favorite subject in school? History

15. dream job? Teacher for right now, im working on it now, and possibly a professer in the future

Tagging my mutuals i wanna know

@qinaliel @riahchan @trinuviel @tuesmonoxymore @inlovewithastark @tiny-little-bird @timeforwolvies @tubbylita @nutellaninja0001 @thelawyerthatwaspromised @fedonciadale @ben-barnes-is-my-husband @mediiciis @israfel00 @rissa-rey @yol101 @kitnjon

[higherpriestess312]

Preface:

Remember that I AM a writer. I am capable of compartmentalizing my emotions and emotion/feelings is where poets create their best work. Just because emotions or feelings exist does not mean that they are surface feelings and vice versa, just because you don’t see or experience the feelings on a surface level does not mean that they do not exist.

What is it that you want and is it all worth it?

The work the hurt the challenges

Can you define the checks and the balances?

The luxury the love

All the accomplishments

The smiles the winces

The unending compliments

Does it all make sense?

Can’t tell if my heart is bleeding in black or red

Somewhere in between

Really should be grateful I’m not dead

Keeping my eyes to the sky

Thanking the Lord on high

Keeping me grounded

Faith unfounded

Trying to give you the love you never had

Didn’t realize it would hurt me so bad

A man of two souls

One side got me feelin like I’m dreamin

The other side got my knees to the floor

Cryin and screamin

Handin me a glass then spillin the milk

Is this what you waited for?

Linens of cotton and silk

3 bath 3 bedrooms

The kids are all here

Keep me going

Run away from the fear

Wonder who you talkin to when you’re not here

Is it really your buddy?

Talkin garnet gold spears

Is it temu? Is it tinder? Is it socials?

The gangs all here

Rippin away my pride

Puttin me in a position I have to decide

Should I stay or should I go?

Is that how you grow?

Walk away and fix up your glow?

Or save face and walk away to the kitchen

Mama always in there cookin the dinner and fixins

Raising those babies

Teaching them right from wrong

Playin this song

Is this what you want for them?

Secrets and lies

Deceit in disguise

Tell me you’re comin over and never show up, what a surprise

Been texting me short all week

Turns out you were already having conversations

Giving into all your temptations

You say it isn’t cheating based on technicality

Yet all along that was my reality

“If it ain’t physical then it ain’t cheatin”

All up in the DM’s

Why you creepin?

Gettin emotional

Sharin your feelins

While I’m waitin up for you to come home in the evenin

Hangin on your every word like it’s my soul that you’re feedin

Trusting in you when trust was somethin I couldn’t believe in

Convince me of a facade so you don’t catch me leavin

Have me all to yourself and all them too

Got me sittin in silence, stuck in my head grievin

Feelin like I don’t know what to do

I don’t know how I’m feelin

I have love for you

Boy I love you

I can’t wait for the day when you really become a man

To our right for each other we always gonna stand

The sorrow the silence

The weeping in violence

One day we can throw it in the safe and lock it up tight

Put the past behind us and one day maybe we’ll be able to see all that light

Maybe one day we can sleep straight through the night

Knowing in the end it’s all gonna be alright

Wake up to the morning sun

Time to shine and rise

Forever your ride or die

Beggin me not to give up on you

It was just one line

Yea, I’ve heard that line

Servin up a meal but no appetite to dine

I did it all for you

You know I always will

I hope you remember me next time you wanna talk about what you feel

[skzhocomments]

Broken hearts can heal - Choi Minho SHINee Fanfic - Chapter IV - Home is a person

Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.

Wattpad link

AO3 link

Chapter III / Chapter V

---

Chapter IV - Home is a person

word count: 1.6k words

"Okay, time to get up." Minho said sternly approaching the bed. Despite the harshness in his tone, his eyes were very much gentle, but extremely tired, and still red. "You've laid in bed too much. You have to exercise."

You sighed. You didn't want to get up. You wanted to lay there and die.

Why weren't you in the same car as Kibum?

No, Da-Eun, you can't be selfish like that. You scolded yourself and petted your belly, who was already weighing you down a lot after 7 long months of pregnancy.

"Okay." You got up and made your way towards the bathroom to wash up a bit.

It felt hard to function.

Still, it wasn't just you you were killing, and your baby didn't deserve it.

You love him so much.

Kibum loved him.

"Let's get you dressed and go out for a walk." Minho smiled at you and looked proud of the small achievement you did today: getting out of bed.

Taemin and Jinki were lying on the floor in the living room and watching TV, laughing loudly.

You wished you could laugh like them.

You nodded shortly and went back to the bedroom, finding some comfortable clothes.

You sighed again.

It was so hard to do even the simplest tasks.

Still, Minho was right, and you needed to exercise a bit. You couldn't just lay in bed your whole life. Not when someone else will soon depend on you.

Minho drove you to a nearby park with a big lake. You walked together along the shore and you breathed in fresh air for the first time in 2 weeks. The shy autumn rays felt pleasant on your face.

"Doesn't it feel better?" Minho asked you, smiling.

"Yea. This place is beautiful. It's new."

"Really? How so?"

"Mhm. I haven't been here with Key before. It feels good... to be somewhere where I don't have any memories to remind me that he's gone." You said quietly, but Minho heard you, and he hummed.

"It will feel like that for a while, but... time will pass, and you will stitch the wounds, and you won't always bleed. One day, you'll even be able to look back on the life you had with him and think of all those memories fondly, without pain." He placed his hand on the back of your waist and hugged you as you started crying.

He was crying too.

"You think so?" You asked him.

"Yes."

"Will it keep hurting?"

"Yes. But not as much as it does right now. I promise."

You nodded and hugged him tighter.

~

You started spending more time with the boys, who seemed to be on rotation to stay with you. All of them had work, but Minho seemed to always be there, either doing something around the house, trying to cook, cleaning, or taking you out for daily walks and just staying in your presence.

You also started spending more time outside the bedroom and tried to create a little routine. The first few days, it only consisted of getting out of bed and walking to the living room to watch TV with Taemin for 30 minutes or so. Then, you started talking to Jinki more, and even did small tasks with Minho around the house. Laundry, simple things.

"Uhm, Minho?" You hesitated, but seeing Minho's kind smile made you gather your courage.

"Yes, Da-Eun?"

"Do you... happen to have some time tomorrow at 1?"

"Of course. What do you want to do?"

"I'm around 34 weeks now, so I have a doctor's appointment... just a regular check-up. Do you maybe... uhm, want to come with me?"

"Sure, I'll take you." He smiled.

"No... not just take me. I'm... asking you if you want to come with me."

"Oh."

"It's okay if you don't-"

"I'd love to." He looked at you sincerely. "Thank you so much for asking me. I'd... really love that."

"Okay." You smiled, happy for your little conquest. "I'm seeing a new doctor because my old one has some health issues, and I'm a bit nervous. Thanks."

You needed support for this pregnancy, so you really wanted someone to come with you. While Taemin and Jinki were good friends of yours, you felt the closest to Minho lately, as he's been your rock through everything.

You wondered if he even had time to process his own grief. That worried you.

Still, you needed to be selfish for your baby's sake, so you didn't bring it up. It wasn't the time.

"It will be okay. I'm sure the new doc will be great. It's the same practice, right?"

"Yep."

"There's nothing to worry about. We'll go together, yea?"

You nodded.

"And there's something else... Key and I were in the process of building up the nursery for the baby. Do you think we could also go shopping for a bit afterwards? There's still things to be bought..."

"Yes, let's do that too. Do you have a list of what you need?"

"I'll go make one."

"Great." Minho smiled. "Let me know if you need any help."

~

"The baby is healthy and thriving! Heartbeat is normal. He's already getting into the headfirst position, which is amazing." The doctor nodded his head and smiled.

"That's good to hear." You smiled, holding Minho's hand.

"So, did you have any unusual symptoms, something to worry about? Your complexion looks a bit weak. Any discharge, bleeding or contractions?"

"No, everything's fine."

"What about movement?"

"He's very active. Kicks a lot." You chuckled.

"Maybe you've got the next biggest football player in there." The doctor joked, and Minho smiled.

He held your hand tighter.

"Okay then, since everything seems normal so far, you can go home and just continue as usual. Don't overdo things around the house, though. Since we're approaching your due date, I'd like you to come weekly for check-ups, okay?"

"Okay." You nodded.

"Are there any questions you'd like to ask me?"

"... no, not really." You replied after thinking for a bit.

"No?" He chuckled. "Most couples would ask me if they can still have sex. For the record, the answer is yes, of course, it doesn't hurt the baby in any way, nor does it induce labour. You'd better get at it while you still can, since you'll have to wait at least 6 weeks, if not more, after delivery. Just don't go crazy on positions. You got that, dad?" He playfully slapped Minho's back two times, and both of you grew red in the face.

Of course, your new doctor wouldn't know that Minho and you were not together, and neither of you felt it was necessary to correct him at that moment. The only thing that mattered to you was that, despite him not being the father of the child or your boyfriend, he was there for you, holding your hand.

After the doctor's visit, you went out just as discussed to pick together items for your nursery. You already had most necessities for the baby. All you wanted to get today was a bassinet and a cabinet that acts as a changing table as well, so you can change him, and keep all his diapers and bodysuits in the same place. Minho graciously paid for everything, despite your protests.

On the way home, you got to talk a bit more.

"So, how was your time in Europe?" You smiled, noticing a sparkle in his eyes for the first time ever since Kibum died.

"Key told you about it?" He chuckled.

"He was missing you." You laughed. It was weird to talk about him in past tense. You didn't like that. "Did you shoot a movie, or what was that about?"

"Yea, a new drama. Do you enjoy watching them?" He asked you, taking his eyes off the road every few seconds when you or he would talk.

"Yea. Actually, I think after we're done unboxing and building those," you pointed to the back of the car "I'm going to start a new drama and binge watch it..."

"You can start it as soon as we get home." He chuckled. "I'll build them."

"I'd rather we build them together and then watch the drama..." Your voice trailed off. You didn't want him to misunderstand you in any way, but you felt the need to be in someone else's company. "By the way, are the others still there?"

"Hmm, I'm not sure. Jinki needed to go take care of some business, so probably not, and Taemin is, well, Taemin. He's unpredictable." Minho laughed.

"He has two kids to take care of anyway." You joked, referring to his adorable cats.

"That's true."

"By the way... you know you don't have to... stay with me, right?" You smiled. "Don't get me wrong, I appreciate your support, and I am extremely grateful that the apartment is not empty, and that I got to see and hear other people when all I wanted was to melt away in my bed, but... you also have a life to live."

"We know that, Da-Eun, don't worry. It's just... we want to be there for you. Of course, when the baby comes, we'll let you have privacy, I'll come visit to bring you food and stuff, but we won't wear out our welcome."

"I just needed you to know that while I appreciate it, I don't want you to feel forced to... spend time with me, you know?"

Minho placed his hand on your arm tenderly and smiled at you nodding, letting you know that you can relax and not overthink about it.

"I can't believe he's going to grow up without a father, Minho..." You looked down at his hand and felt a terrible dread settling down in your stomach.

You just told Minho everyone can keep going with their lives, but you were so scared of doing it alone. You truly appreciated everyone being there for you. They don't know how much it meant to you to not be utterly alone in that depressing house that you couldn't call home anymore.

It's true when they say home is not a place, but a person.

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Chapter III / Chapter V