haikaveh... save me haikaveh...
i KNOW it's been talked about to death but. the haikaveh research project. it literally haunts my mind. i cannot get over the implications. alhaitham going through his school life as someone that most people dont even really know about because he keeps to himself and doesn't socialize, with kaveh being the one exception to that, finding his way into his life as his Best Friend, and then leading to alhaithams one and only time he participated in a research topic. his bio says he only ever did ONE joint project!!! one!!! the one with kaveh his best friend and i think also his only friend at the time!!!! and then it ended in not only the project falling apart but also alhaithams only friendship. kavehs best friendship. they were each others closest person. they had no family around - alhaithams parents having died when he was young and his grandmother dying before he joined the akademiya, and kaveh's dad dying when he was young and his mom having moved to fontaine. like even if you dont look at it through a romantic lens it's still undeniable how important they were [and are] to each other..........
i'm getting off track but my point is very specifically for alhaitham, the one time he got close to someone, made a friend, even agreed to join one(1) group project ever, it ended in disaster. it led him into a fight so bad that his one and only friend said he regretted that friendship!!!! it was so bad alhaitham left the project and he and kaveh didnt speak for ages until they just happened to run into each other again at the tavern!!!!! like obviously it has to be incredibly awful for both of them but i just think how this probably had alhaitham in the cynical mindset that friendships and collaborations like that might just never work out for him because the one time he let someone into his life, it blew up on him and he was all alone again. even though alhaitham never seems to care much if people dont like him, that clearly cant still apply to someone he was exceptionally close to. like if he didnt care he woudlnt have been the one to take his name off the project and mutually not speak to kaveh...... kavehs words are the ones that hit the most significantly to alhaitham.......... kaveh is said/implied to have had at least some other friends while at school / people knew who he was, but not so much alhaitham. people didnt know him and the ones that did just knew he didnt socialize/he was not easy to get along with. he only had kaveh and then, for a while, he lost him too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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perhaps it is a bit of a hot take (but i hope it isn't) but personally i don't care if cis authors write smut with trans characters. i don't think it's inherently fetishizing to find trans people attractive and so to want to show it in the smut you write (not to mention sometimes it can also just be a case of. "i know this set of genitalia better so i have an easier time writing about it" and other arbitrary reasons). and i think it sucks that even trans authors have to somewhat defend themselves and add "author is trans" on every smut fic they write bc some people don't know what fetishization means and attack anyone who may dare to write about experiences that aren't personal to them, or god forbid, insert it into porn. get real
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(steeples fingers) due to the unique way i have comepletely ruined my arm* i think. i might have to give up dragoon specifically.
*which i did by spending multiple years button mashing due to a combination of adhd-based 'what if i zone out and forget to hit my combo' anxiety and and a general unfamiliarity with 14's particular style of combat followed by force of ensuing habit.
sorry hallima ;-; you're still a dragoon in my heart
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just randomly remembered that moss once just- ate a teaspoon of chilli powder?? to prove a point?? like what was that??? idek anymore
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