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aoartmthebitxh · 8 months

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I think prairie should be squashed to death

child ver.

adult ver.

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apparently i decided to babble away in the tags instead of this cool text box that tumblr gives me.

anyways, not sans, not undertale (mildly associated bcz... multiverse), my oc who exists, he sucks lmfao. expect to never ever see a drawing of him again.

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allmyandroids · 13 days

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Raymond Reddington

In Season 4 Episode 2 - Mato

#james spader #raymond reddington #the blacklist #reddington #red #raymond red reddington #blacklist #tbl #my screenshots #screenshot edit #photo edit #edit #OH GOD GUYS THIS EPISODE FUCKED WITH MY EMOTIONS #i mean fUCKING RAYMIND FUCKED WITH MY EMOTIONS FOR SHOOTING KAPLAN!!!!?!?!?!??!!????!?!?!??!?!!? I AM STILL FUCKING FURIOUS #i know she is still alive and is with some weird guy #BUT I ACTUALLY HAD A “FUN” THEORY SOME EPISODES PRIOR THAT KAPLAN WILL TURN AGAINST RED KXJKCJFK👀👀 WHAT IF THAT HAPPENS NOW OH GOD #BUT i also think that maybe she tries to either team up with that weird guy who helds her hostage or that she will either try to call Red #somehow to get help OR try to reach out to Tom and Lizzy and get help and if she does she helps Lizzy and Tom and slowly tells her more #about Red and whats happening #or she realy fully turns against Red as I once said “as a joke”#funny is that a lot of my theories i say as ajoke to my fandom friends actually turn to be right sooo i cnat wait to watch more eps tonight #and see what Kaplan will do oh god #also FUCK YOU RED YOU FUCKING SHIT ASSHOLE KAPLAN DEDICATED HER LIFE TO YOU AND YOU FUCKING SHOOT HER #i can kinda understand why red did that like 3% THE ITHER I JUST WANNA FUCKING PUNCH HIM ARGH #BUT ANOTHER THEORY OF MINE IS red is like a super soldier with his weapons imo and he could have EASILY shot her in the middle of her head..#so WHY SHOULD HE SHOOT HER “ONLY” AT THE SIDE OF HER HEAD?????! he could have easily realy killed her...or was he “unfocused”? what i cant #imagaine for Red handling a weapon #so maybe Red wanted to give her a chance?????#AAARGH DIS SHOW CONFUSED ME SO MUCH MAKING ME COME UP WITH THE WILDEST THEORIES #I LOVE IT

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theswedishpajas · 3 months

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The man truly can’t take a genuine compliment 🙄

#my art stuff #digital art #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #astarion ancunin #this is part of a series I like to call “I’m never settling on a singular detailed artstyle”#I have no consistency in drawing realistic people/characters other than my shapy cartoon style #but I truly don’t get enough opportunity to properly shade anything with art in that style-!!! it always looks weird to me-!!!!!#I think some rude lil worm in my brain is wriggling around telling me it’s a futile attempt at still doing realism #cus I’m one of those “gifted” artists that grew up promising his parents he’ll end up among the big names or whatever #constantly training to become better at art but with realism oil paintings as the goal #you know how it is 😔#I wanna shade my lil funky designs but they never feel good enough to really put energy into or whatever so I compromise with stuff -#- like this where I try to draw characters more accurately while still stylizing them and shading them however I feel like it #which is great and all but I should really learn to give my more relaxed and less perfectionist art a chance #I deserve to enjoy the process and the result without working myself dead #it’s so much easier and rewarding to copy cartoon styles - stylizing realism makes me too anxious of doing it “wrong”#at least cartoon styles give me a goal to reach or a reference to strive towards #man I really should just cut myself some slack altogether #either way - this man is a flustered mess and he’s embarrassed about being called adorable in public or something #being teased in an affectionate way about his sweeter side and stuff #don’t ask why he’s shirtless - anatomy is just a lot more fun for me to draw sometimes #tasteful nudity and all that is extremely gorgeous to me #i need to practice anatomy more cus I just kinda did some shit and went with it this time with a BIT of consideration for muscle structure

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crystalkitty1220 · 8 days

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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN

#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago #and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since #someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line #that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation #where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had #thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was #super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh #that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated #as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying #to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit #because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha #could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to #believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in #the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of #development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school #and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility #and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai #anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin #or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post #addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad #writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into #doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao

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bunnihearted · 18 days

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🫎

#this place drives me crazy....#i notice it esp bc when im outside and feel a tiny bit better #(unfortunately this city is a nightmare for a hypervigilant like me to live bc theres crazyyy much noise 24/7)#but my home has for the first 23yrs of my life been a noise wise calm place to wind down and be safe and relax #but a couple of years ago there was like a shift and everyone who moves in here are crazy #my neighbors are constantly stomping banging and thumping. constantly.......#people outside are always screaming and yelling and slamming doors and everything u can do #they let their kids run around and scream like demons and throw rocks on cats and piss on the walls #and they go around with metal pipes or sticks and hit everything #like.... im sorry if u wanna call me a childhater for saying thats fucked up then go ahead #that's not sane behavior and the parents dont raise their kids anymore #constant yelling.... anyway #we have a clan of ppl who do lots of illegal things which is above all NOISYYYYYY #they make shit in the apartment above me and then live in another and then large moving trucks come and pick it up #?????? if u wanna call me a stuck up karen for thinking thats not ok to do to your neighbors go ahead!!!!!! im a bitter bitch #i dont think it's ok to cause such disturbance to your neighbors they cant sleep or exist in peace but thats just me ig!!!!!#these ppl living here are batshit insane bc i've been here for 25 and it's never been like this #and i mean it's MY problem for being noise sensitive ofc #but i feel like my brain is CONSTANTLY always being overstimulated and i can barely function anymore #i like legit wanna kms just to escape all this noise #i dont get any quiet moment ever #not even in the middle of the night there is always some human making noise and causing a disturbance #a few years ago it could be dead quiet in the middle of the day #what has happened im losing my miiiiiiind i wanna dieeeeeeeee #what happens when i reach a point where my brain just overcooks and i explode?#what will i do? what will i do when i lose control sksksk that shit scares me i dont wanna see #i cant live like this but im stuck and i dont know how to get out #and my mom was in a smaller city the other day and she said it was a crazy amount of noise yhere to #what do i do? whrre do i go???? i might jusy have to go deaf or smth i cant do this

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lilyflxwers · 3 months

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#rambling to the void #ive not reached rock bottom #ive slammed face first into it #i’m exhausted #i haven’t been sleeping #and i don’t feel real and everything is going to shit #i did in fact just call my ex boyfriend and ask him to come over so i can sleep #how did the call go?#‘ik u used to hit me but can u come and lay in my bed so i can sleep’#dude i will literally peel my skin off if i don’t get some decent sleep soon. i get its a shit idea but it’s the best ive got #like pls #rock fucking bottom lmao #anyways it’s not. he won’t hurt me now so we’re all peachy. i just need to hear someone else breathing so i can sleep #tw abuse #<- past abuse

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mwagneto · 10 months

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the postman just handed me a smartwatch coz the hungarian government is giving free smartwatches to anyone over 65 ??? girl what😭

#DIDNT EBEN HAVE TO SIGN FOR IT OR ANYTHING HE JUST HANDED IT OVER THE FRONT GATE AND LEFT LMFAO #see like. this is one of those things that i want to call a good thing but it's #literally just another way they're bribing old ppl to vote for them which is so miserable #for the record im a 2000s baby my father's just almost 80 coz he had me when he was rly old #but my parents are on holiday for a month which is why i was the one who had to get the watch #funny as hell i hope it helps some ppl but man..........#barking #like. physically reached over the gate (around 2 meters) and handed it over the top of it. didnt even wait for me to open the gate #funniest shit I've ever seen

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lucyvaleheart · 6 months

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#sigh. another vent post....#almost getting tired of making these but. I'm just.... I just don't really have much else I can do without botherin people #uh pretty big trigger warning for this one BTW #don't read on if you're low on spoons and whatnot. genuinely it's fine and I will be fine I always am #but like. yknow. when shit sucks it fucking sucks #anyway. uh. I just can't stand the idea that I might be bothering someone #so at least this way my stupid cries for help have a possibility of getting me some without making any specific #person feel obligated. yknow? maybe you see the post maybe you don't #Maybe you don't read all the way maybe you do. either way you can choose if you have the spoons to reach out #without feeling guilty either way. I hope.#.......i kind of want to fucking kill myself again #.....it used to be a much rarer thought. and I used to be much less struck by intense loneliness and longing like this #but I just feel so fucking needy. so desperate for attention and love and it hurts so much if I don't get it #and like. it's realistically nobody's fault but my own yknow... i need to ask for it more. i know that. i just suck at it #and then I can't ask. so I don't get attention. and in turn I feel neglected. secondary. like I'm not anyone's primary focus #and it just fucking hurts so much and it's just my own damn fault and I don't know how to fix it.#......i do. I need therapy I need meds or something. that's the answer here really #picked out a psychiatrist. need to call and make an appointment. but adhd and executive function and anxiety (that last one I need meds for)#mean it's very hard to both remember and then actually perform the task of calling the fucjing Dr #......believe me I'm trying.....like fuck I'm trying so hard.... and I started bawling having seen sparkles and ms robot girl reblog that #post from me about letting prev know you're proud of them. bawled when quinn called me cutie last night. bawled when #ginny said they wished they were here.... fuck me I do too I want to be the focus of someone's attention so so so so badly #fuck #...............it's redundant to say at this point a second time but. goddess above its a little scary how much I wanna kill myself #........sigh #....anyway. please do not feel obligated to respond to this in any way. do what you got the spoons for.#thank you for even reading all of this shit if you've gotten this far. i love you deeply and with all my heart. I'll be fine I promise #won't act on it no matter how strong the feeling is. just.....hurts in the meantime. but I'll be ok. I promise #................fuck. im going back to bed

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ashfdhfgdsfk · 1 year

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might remake to a new account entirely and change the name i go by

#depresso rant incoming skipp all this if you dont wanna hear it #txt #el/ena might have to become a deadname for lack of a better word sjdhfg #putting the slash because im beyond paranoid now #nothing on this earth is sacred i feel like ive lost the only safe space i had left #would you guys call me some silly name if i asked :-( fuck #shit im so hurt this is the worst #trying to be positive so im not just a huge drag but im so isolated in my real life and as stupid as it sounds #tumblr was becoming a little home id carved out for myself #and i feel like im never going to feel safe here again #but in order to tell you guys about a new blog url ill have to post about it which means they might see it too and uagshfg #and god it doesnt even matter bc my arts out there anyway and a few random 10k+ note posts so theres a chance theyll find me no matter what #and shit i loved so many of my old urls but i cant ever reuse them and i feel like im seriously losing my fucking mind trying to hide #like tumblr and having you guys was the only thing keeping me going through all this shit and it feels like ive lost all of that comfort #this is gonna be the worst fucking birthday ever dude just for that extra cherry on top like i seriously have nothing going for me rn SJDHG #denver and a few lovely mutuals to keep me kicking but oughgf #i feel sick #feel like i need to shower and scrub my soul raw to get this vile ass feeling out #god im sorry to be negative i rlly am i try to keep things cheery round here but im styeadily reaching my limit #and i want to reblog stuff to comfort myself but i dont want to reblog anything in case theyre watching and fuck im so dfjsfgjksfjkgsfkdgh #i could really go for a hug right about now s'all

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unloneliest · 7 months

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the problem of the matter is i did internalize so much of what ex friend believed about me. even though i knew he was wrong and knew what was happening and tried to stop it and if i took more action to stop it would have been abusing power i held in a way i couldn't live with myself for.

#A BAD PERSON TRYING TO RUIN YOUR LIFE WOULD'VE GOTTEN YOU FIRED AND EVICTED IN WINTER IN ALASKA YOU MOTHERFUCKER. WHICH I DID NOT DO #he was renting a room from my dad. for cheaper than he wouldve been able to find anywhere else. his brother was too #his brother didn't pay rent for over 6 months and my dad just forgave him the debt because my dad knew how much of a difference it wouldve #made when he was that age. and i had told him ex friend was family to me & my dad applied that to the brother too. bc he is a good person.#and one of the strongest parts of my support system. and i didn't say a word to him about what was happening until i knew he already had a #plan for when he would be ending ex friend's lease. so there would be no subconscious impact on ex friend's housing either #mgmt at work straight up asked me if i thought ex friend should be fired immediately multiple times and i'm in retrospect livid they put me #in that position but told them to go by the strike system in the employee handbook and to follow policy that ex friend knew perfectly. that #it couldn't be on me as acting assistant manager to choose #and after 10 months of workplace harassment i got a different job to save my life. ex friend didn't get fired.#he did saw trap shit to my brain!!!!!! jesus christ #he moved cross country to live with his long time gf he called his wife despite never having met irl. to a way more conservative state.#despite being gay. and she left him this summer lol #hadn't checked his twitter in over a year when it got pulled up frm an old link and i saw that. and when he was already at a low point too #me voice. oh no who could've seen this coming. from how you behave in every relationship in your life #may delete this in the morning. but i have to talk about it sometimes #i'm never reaching out for closure both bc he wouldn't give me any and because i know it would trigger him and i don't intentionally trigge #people. unlike him :)#vampire pit #like. i have to talk about it sometimes. i have to talk about it.#jam posts

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the-everqueen · 3 months

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aous was...fine, imho, it was fine, but it was fundamentally white, middle-class british and i could accept that but i couldn't forgive it

#aous #aous spoilers #namely...paul mezcal being terrified at having seen a ghost #people treating ghosts as unnatural or weird or wrong was bizarre to me #latinos built different!#also visually the film felt Too Polished #it should've been grainier; the past and the sex all felt too clean #but mostly i can't get over the ghosts part...i.e. why would you be afraid #there's something...comforting about them being able to linger and then choose to leave #anyways things i did not like about it included seeing andrew scott in pjs. the ways money didn't seem to figure into anything.#(he's a writer but he lives in these high end flats but he spends all his time visiting his childhood home which is empty but not??)#(paul mezcal is an alcoholic who lives alone and seems to live at andrew scott's beck and call - WHAT DOES HE DO FOR WORK)#the whole sheen of ''we don't need to think about the material conditions here'' really bothered me actually #it felt necessary to engage with if we're also doing the magical realism #anyways when we left the theater this gaggle of young 20-something women were also exiting #and one of them said ''okay i think that movie forced me to process a bunch of shit i hadn't wanted to think about''#and i laughed bc i'm glad it reached out and touched her

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mikutr0n · 11 months

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some undertale doodles bc ive been sucked back into the fandom

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notmygrave · 4 months

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she posted like parts of a photo from this summer on her instagram story doesn’t matter whatever i am in that photo and it’s the beach at the end of my street and i am going to be fucking sick i hope i really fucking hope it makes her a bit sick too

#it’s soooo something’s missing and it’s me and it’s on purpose! and i’ll probably see her next week at a house party #and she promised to call when she gets better just to let me know and she is better and she’ll never reach out #and i tried so hard to be anything she wanted me to be anything she needed and i wasn’t doing well and i tried so hard not to put that #weight on her and i was still a burden! and she said that she wanted to stay friends and i would’ve taken anything she was willing to give!#anything at all! i loved her and she was my best friend and i would’ve coped with anything just to have her around sometimes! and #she promised and she never fucking called! just one lousy fucking call to let me know she isn’t going to kill herself or anything! and i wa #working two fucking jobs 6 days a week and going to uni to pay off a debt to my father getting harassed constantly i went through first #semester barely alive barely awake constantly cold and hungry! and in the middle of all that she decides to just leave bc her online fuckin #therapist told her that because she’s feeling guilty over not being present in the relationship and that guilt is just fucking suffocating #as if i’m not drowning in guilt and self pity my entire fucking life #this is so stupid and i’m oversharing but i’ve already typed it out and i can’t keep crying to my friends over same shit from 3 months ago

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hexplaything · 7 days

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nervous about father's day bc i don't plan on/want to get my father anything and i'm not going to be apart of any get together my sister has with him but im nervous abt how that makes me look to everyone. i havent really explained to everyone that he's essentially dead to me

#i genuinely do not consider myself to have a father #my plan really is to only get him things on christmas bc that's an inevitable celebration where i will have to see him #and it seems dickish to not get him something idk.#and i don't want him to like. try nd start shit and get mad that i'm not reciprocating gift giving #bc he might get me something for my bday but i don't Require it of him #all he got me last year were 22 scratch off sticker things from the drug store so...#idk if that was a passive aggressive thing from him or if he was being cheap #i just dont want to worry about him anymore #i wish he didn't care about me in any sense cause it would be nice if he didn't even try to ever reach out #i want to go no contact but that's. hard #my sister wants to keep him in her life for the sake of my niece so ill have to see him at christmas and bdays #he doesn't force anything but even just the once a month texts abt how i'm doing or that he loves me is too much and i don't wanna do it #good girl speaks #idk guys do my very clear daddy issues make me hot. can i call you daddy/dada now #jendkdnsnkxnsks im so funny

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feral-teeth · 3 months

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Im just thinking about that American psycho musical and how much it affected me as a person and changed who i was

Also that face he makes in the movie - i always do it like the ‘ooh’ face (it also feels like a very Canadian Jim Carrey face to make too idk it might just be my connection to it)