#can u gays tell i like killing people

[brrrkdslek]

AGORA HILLS.

SYNOPSIS : as the best detective of your city, you take your job very seriously. but how seriously will you take your job when the man of your dreams' husband dies suddenly?

PAIRING : malewife! psh x detective! male! reader

GENRE : 90s, elle singapore black sequin dress seonghwa, thriller, sexy, angst to fluff, murder mystery, possessive/ obsessive love, wine<3

WARNINGS : seonghwa referred to as 'wife' and 'ms' and 'mrs', a lot of manhandling, ass grabbing, idk, slut, sexy, anal, suggestive, huge dick, tattoos, praising, romantic talk, teeth-rotting smut, you will kill yourself, you will cry, blood n shit n deaths obviously, lmao i hope u die after this

WORD COUNT : 8.6k

INSPO : agora hills & this tweet

LORRY'S NOTE : HAPPY BIRTHDAY @asherthehimbo!!!!! I LOVE U SO MUCH BBG HAVE A GOOD BIRTHDAY ( ˘ ³˘)♥︎

you've only met seonghwa twice. once at a party held by your coworker's friend, kim theodore. and the second time when theodore died tragically.

theodore was, a... special man. he had been indebt to you since he had been tangled in some drug allegations. of course, being the best detective in the city, you helped him out.

and now, you were on the way to his mansion on agora hills, which is one of the most expensive places one can afford.

you let out a loud yawn as you rang the doorbell. the door opens after a second and you see theodore.

"oh my friend!" he tries to go in for a hug, but you backed away from him awkwardly. theodore lets out a light-hearted laugh before standing aside so you could walk in.

upon entering the beautiful mansion of a millionaire, you take in the sight in front of you; a large chandelier just above your head, beautiful marble staircase to the second floor,

which you assumed is where the master's bedroom is.

Kissin' and hope they caught us (Ah)

suddenly the women at the party surrounds you, making you yelp in surprise.

"oh my, detective!"

"you look so handsome today!"

"when will i become your wife?"

I wanna show you off (Off)

seonghwa watched in the distance as you tried pushing them away, very much annoyed. he chuckles.

"m/n!" one of the ladies called for you, and suddenly you frown, "please ladies, only refer to me as detective. i don't think we're close enough to be on first name basis." you adjusted your collar.

you turn your head when you heard your name being said from across the hall, "m/n, come meet my wife!" you nod before jogging to where he, and another male, dressed in a beautiful black sequin dress was.

the man looked absolutely divine, and you couldn't take your eyes off him.

Hold my hand You can hit while they watch, boy

theodore noticed and chuckled, "i see you like my wife, eh?" he nudges you, "have fun chattin'!" he waves goodbye before going back to his large groups of friends.

you stood awkwardly next to the slightly shorter male as you found your arm tattoo of a snake way more interesting than the mansion you were currently in.

the head of the snake starts at the back of your middle finger as the tail runs spirals around it, going upwards and disappearing underneath your dress shirt,

which seonghwa had been staring at the whole time.

Baby, let me lick on your tattoos

seonghwa swirls the wine in his glass, "kim seonghwa isn't a really catchy name, is it?"

you perked up, "it's not?" he smiles gently,

"my real name is park seonghwa, i think that sounds way better."

you thought about it for a few seconds before nodding in agreement, "yeah, i think so too."

he reaches out his hand out as you shook his, "nice to meet you, detective-"

"m/n." you cut him off.

"huh?"

"call me m/n."

seonghwa smirks, "but i don't think we're close enough for first name basis, isn't that right?" he taunted.

you leaned in, towering over the man as he gulped in anticipation, "oh, i think we're way past that."

seonghwa bit his lip when he felt your hot breath on his face, he doesn't let go of your hand and brushes his thumb against your tattoo, sending shivers down your spine.

"now that i think about it, l/n seonghwa is even better than park seonghwa, don't you think so?"

your breath hitched as you choked on the wine you were currently taking a sip of, you coughed loudly as some wine spilled from the corner of your mouth and onto the floor.

seonghwa covers his mouth with his hand, "oh detective, look at the mess you made! are you a child?" he joked.

you blushed a bit in embarrassment as you place the glass down,

"oh would you look at that," seonghwa's finger brushes at the corner of your lips, wiping off the spilled wine.

"you've made a big mess, detective." you watch as seonghwa stares at you seductively, all while sucking the wine off his finger, licking it clean.

you felt your blood starting to run downwards to your little guy as you looked away and coughed.

you pulled out a handkerchief from your breast pocket and took his hand in yours before wiping his finger, all without a word.

seonghwa bit his lip at the gentle gesture, never had a man made me feel like this before, not even theodore.

not letting go of his hand, you glance backwards to see theodore drowned in the many noblewomen that surrounded him, disgusting pig.

turning back to the male, you smirked and intertwined your fingers with his.

That's true that I like PDA, take it to a seedy place

suddenly, you pull seonghwa towards you and he yelps quietly before bumping into your chest. you hold his waist as your hot breath fanned against his ear, making his knees buckle.

"mrs. kim, please don't forget you are a married woman." seonghwa hasn't felt like this since he first met theodore, and that was decades ago. you whistled as you looked the male up and down, "that dress looks exquisite on you, by the way."

seonghwa smiled shyly, "ah, thank you detective. i must say you don't look that bad yourself." you smirk, "i would want my future wife to have that pretty dress." seonghwa runs a hand through his slicked-back hair and tutted, "oh that's unfortunate," your eyebrow lifted as he continued, "because this dress is a custom made by a friend." theodore could be heard from the living area announcing for a group picture.

the two stare for a few seconds as you added, "my point still stands." seonghwa bit his lip at your words, god, i might cum right now... you slowly detangled your fingers from his and walked towards the large group, smiling gently at the women that waved to you.

seonghwa naturally went into the middle as theodore stood at his left and you on seonghwa's right. you became increasingly annoyed at the fact theodore made no move to hold his wife, even swatting seonghwa's hand away when he had tried to hold the other's hand.

you sighed before quietly placing your hand on seonghwa's hip, as to comfort him of the lost attention of his husband. however, seonghwa smirks as he moves your hand lower, all the way to his plush ass.

Who that man with the big strong hands On her ass in the club with the paps?" Baby, that's you

you physically stiffen as you didn't know what to do or how to react. seonghwa only leaned closer to your ear, "you can squeeze if you want, detective. i worked hard for this body."

god, it's getting hot- why's it so hot? was it always this hot in here? god, why am i burning up?

suddenly, seonghwa lets out a quiet moan when he felt your large hand mold at his ass, squeezing his thighs together. "oh goodness, detective..." you leaned down to his ear, "didn't i tell you to call me by my name?" seonghwa yelps when you shove him onto the wooden coffee table. the other guests gasp and back away when you pull up the dress, revealing a pretty lacy thong.

Hope you can handlе the heat,

you smirk when you see the tips of seonghwa's ears turn bright red, "look at you, pretty." you pull the thong as it snaps back into seonghwa's ass, making him moan wantonly. soon, you pull out your hard cock from your pants and push it inside him one go.

seonghwa came on the spot, drool spilling from the corner of his mouth when he felt your cock drag against his walls, the feeling of it piercing through his tummy becoming his newest desire. you paused for a few seconds to let the man adjust before you held onto his waist and slammed your hips forward.

seonghwa's legs trembled as he tried to bite back his moans. you lean forward and held onto his jaw before fucking him roughly, "ah! oh my- eugh! detective...!" you groan into seonghwa's ear, "why the fuck are you hiding your moans? isn't this what you wanted? for me to fuck you in this room full of your friends,"

Get used to my fans lookin' at you

you turn seonghwa's head as you two stare directly into theodore's eyes, "and your lovely husband that will never be able to satisfy you after i do." seonghwa grips onto the corners of the table as precum dripped from his hard cock, which had been rubbing uncomfortably against the table. "yes- ah! f-fuck me in front of all my f- fuck... friends- mm!"

"oh- oh yeah..! r-right there, detective!" seonghwa turned his head and held onto your cheek, "w-who knew you were s...so ugh- big!" seonghwa pulls you in for a kiss as your tongues danced and teeth clashed, not a care in the world. seonghwa felt his orgasm coming up when your hands began pinching at his perking nipples over the dress, tears were coming out of seonghwa's eyes as his eyes rolled back.

he had never felt more pleasured and embarrassed...

is exactly what seonghwa wanted to happen.

I love you, I wanna big chill

you awkwardly pulled your hand away from his ass when the photos were done, quickly excusing yourself as you walked towards a very busy theodore with lots of women surrounding him,

"yes, i have to go back to the office pretty soon. i apologise for leaving so early on..." theodore laughs and pats your back, "ahaha! don't you worry about it, m/n! i know a great detective needs to always be on duty!" you nod and was about to leave until theodore speaks again, "seonghwa! please escort m/n out, i'm busy!"

you watched seonghwa jogs towards the door where you were and opened it for you, "thank you for coming, detective- ah no, m/n." you smile and nod your head towards him as you walked down the steps, "ah, right! your handkerchief!" you turn your heel, "you can keep it. i don't think it will mean much to a noblewoman of your class, though."

Take you 'round the world, they don't have to understand

seonghwa holds the handkerchief tightly against his chest, feeling his heart beat against his ribcage and his cheeks heat up. "you have no idea how much it means to me..." you go back up the steps upon hearing his words and take his hand before kissing the back of it, "until next time, mrs. kim, or should i say mrs. l/n..."

Rub it in their face, put a rock on her hand

that day you left seonghwa with a raging boner. you had stole his heart and he promised himself he would see you again, he just had to figure out how. you also grew infatuated with him just after this one meeting and you couldn't stop thinking about seonghwa, he was like a virus invading your mind.

Baby, can you call me back?

you thought you had long forgotten about those feelings of infatuation towards the man. but as you stand in front of the mansion just a year after, you're surprised to feel your heartbeat quicken and cheeks heat up a bit.

I miss you

you take a deep breath as you hold your hand against the door, what will i do when i see you again? what do you look like now? do you still like me too? your eyes widen as you slap yourself across the face suddenly. no, you shouldn't be thinking these types of things. his husband just died and you are on duty now.

you bit your lip, but doesn't that mean you had a chance to make him yours?

It's so lonely in my mansion

shaking your head to rid of those thoughts, you finally knocked on the door and in that moment the door opened, you thought you would've collapsed if not for your hand on the side or the doorframe.

Kissin' and hope they caught us (Ah)

"mrs. kim." seonghwa rubbed his eyes and sniffled softly,

"ah, detective you are right on time." seonghwa walked in as you followed, closing the door behind you.

you took a seat on the dining table as seonghwa poured you a cup of tea, "and also, it's ms. park now, oh theodore..."

Whether they like or not (Not)

you fiddled with the handle of the cup as seonghwa sat opposite of you, "let's begin, shall we?" seonghwa nodded sadly.

I wanna show you off (Off)

"where were you at 3:30pm when theodore was murdered?" seonghwa sniffled, "i was at the market since i left at 3pm."

you bit your lip, "what about the maid and butler?" seonghwa brushed his hair back, and you almost didn't catch what he said next as you watched him, like a hungry predator ready to feast on its prey.

"the butler had a day off yesterday and the maid- um, i don't think i remember..." you nodded and jotted down the things he said,

"i'm sorry detective, i've just been crying the whole night so my memory's a bit foggy..."

I wanna show you off (Off)

you paused your writing on your notepad and glanced at his eyes for a second, "is something on my face, detective?"

you smile gently, "no," yes, lies.

I wanna brag about it (Yeah)

"i'm very sorry for your loss." you watch seonghwa frown, "excuse me for a moment." he disappears into the kitchen.

you sat idly as you take out your walkie-talkie, "wooyoung."

you could hear some crackling sounds from the other line before a muffled voice responded, "m/n! yes, i'm here! is there something you need?" you nodded, "i need you to go over the alibis for mrs. kim's maid and butler. i want it done by the end of the week."

I wanna tie the knot (Knot)

you heard wooyoung tut, "yeesh, dude."

"wooyoung." you said in a warning tone.

you heard wooyoung groan before answering, "fine, i'll have it done by then. wooyoung, out!"

I wanna show you off (Off)

you put the walkie-talkie away and jotted a few more things in your notepad, you look up to the clock.

it's been a few minutes now, what's taking him so long?

"mrs- ms. park?" you got up and went into the kitchen where he had disappeared and you were shocked to see him gulping down an entire bottle of wine.

Hold my hand

to say you were shocked was an understatement as walked quickly towards him, seonghwa doesn't notice your presence until you snatch the bottle away from him.

You can hit while they watch, boy

"eugh- give it...!" seonghwa made grabby-hands as you held the bottle above his head,

Ah, sorry, I was takin' a sip of my root beer

"no." seonghwa didn't know if it was the alcohol or you but he felt his face grow hotter by the second.

'Cause love is pain, but I need this shit (Yeah)

his forehead creases, "why the hell not!?"

you frown and hold onto both of his wrists with one hand and pushed him backwards. seonghwa's back hit the wall as tears started forming in his eyes,

Like Fortnite, I'ma need your skin (Yeah)

"let. go." you pause for a moment, "i won't." you said slowly.

"god, get off me!" is what seonghwa said, but he prayed that you never let him go.

"no, you can't drink your sorrow away, i won't let you."

Boy, you're the one, you're the only man

seonghwa glares, "your job is to find the killer of my dead husband, isn't that right?" you loosened your grip on his wrist for a second,

"stop drinking." he smirks, "make me."

With you, I ain't holding shit back

suddenly, your walkie-talkie beeped, "uh, m/n? we have a problem here..."

you let go of seonghwa's arm, "yes, i'll be there in twenty minutes."

turning back to seonghwa, he gripped onto the sink as his head was dipped downwards so that you couldn't see him face. "i'll be back next week, okay?"

When I need my space, you give that

"okay..." you could hear your heart break with each step you took towards the door. no, go back to him!

but all you did was continue walking.

upon hearing the front door shut, seonghwa swiped the wine bottle away as it hit the ground, smashing into pieces. he watched the red liquid flow out, forming a big puddle. he collapses to the ground and screams out in pain.

They all wanna know how you get to me

how could i let you go again?

why didn't i stop you?

seonghwa smashes his fist against the broken glass shards as tears flowed from his glossy eyes, "why, why, why, why!"

Cause this type of love's the epitome

he watches with blurry eyes as his own blood mixes with the wine, both reds close to each other in colour. "why do you always slip away from my fingers..." he takes out a handkerchief from his pocket, "oh my love, i hope this will all be worth it..."

"it's obviously the maid!"

you wince as your partner, wooyoung, screams into your left ear.

"no it's not!" san, your other partner, screams in your right ear. you only covered your ears as you watched the security footage again.

"you guys need to stop bothering m/n all the time..." yeosang sweatdrops as he watches san and wooyoung fight while you sat between them.

"are you stupid, san?"

san gasped, "what, me?"

"yes, you!"

you rolled your eyes as wooyoung continued, "it's clearly the maid! she said she left at 3pm but never mentioned about coming back to the mansion. like, whatttt?"

that's true, it's kinda suspicious but it can't based off my superstition. witnessing murder can cause changes in memory, behaviour, sleep, and body function, affecting the immune system as well as the heart. 

it can also lead to cognitive effects, such as brain fog. so it's no secret that seonghwa and the maid could've forgotten some things as they are the first to find theodore's body.

jongho giggles from the reception, "i still wonder why yunho sandwiched m/n's desk between wooyoung and san."

yeosang nods, "they literally resemble cat and dog."

wooyoung huffs and folds his arms across his chest, "the maid was so damn nervous and she didn't even know what she was telling me when i asked where she was that day. it's as if she's admitting to being the killer!"

san rolls his eyes, "what about the stupid butler? are you gonna believe him about being off-duty just cause he said so?"

wooyoung stomps his feet, "i'm gonna believe him if his alibi is sustainable unlike the maid's!"

san's forehead creases, "why are you so determined to prove that it's the maid?"

wooyoung rolls his eyes, "cause she's acting weird! unless she was like, i don't know, bribed or something i won't believe she's innocent!"

wooyoung continues, "and besides, why would she keep her mouth shut if she was actually being bribed? we can help her and shit, stupid."

san stands up abruptly, "don't call me stupid, stupid!"

"no you're stupid!"

"you look stupid!"

"what did you say!?"

"did you not hear me?"

your brows furrow as you mindlessly replayed the video again, deep in thought.

"why do you keep replaying that part?" mingi, who was walking by, presses his cheek against yours as wooyoung and san immediately shuts up and joins in.

mingi makes an 'o' with his lips, "that's mrs. kim, right?"

san shakes his head, "it's ms. park now apparently."

mingi gasps, "he's the one that died?"

wooyoung hit his head, "it's been circulating all around the precinct, are you dumb?"

Baby, you're literally capping to me right now

you roll your eyes and shush the guys as the video played once again. in the video was a person dressed in full black outfit from head to toe, and they had just walked out of the gate. the person clearly resembles seonghwa, but for some reason you got the thought that that wasn't the case.

as if he read your mind, wooyoung spoke, "it's clearly ms. park! why would it be anyone else?"

his brows creased, "literally look at his clothes! do you think the maid or butler could wear expensive shit like that?"

san nods, "even we can't afford those."

you flick his forehead, "it's not about money, jesus you guys..."

you had to pause for a moment to ask yourself; why do i know it isn't seonghwa? he clearly stated that he left the mansion at 3pm.

Like why are you capping me?

your eyes trail to the bottom of the screen where the time of the video is,

see? 3pm exactly.

you skip the video to a part where part of the face is revealed; the nose.

your eyes widen, "that's not seonghwa." you stated simply.

mingi scratched his head, "what... how can you tell?"

wooyoung snorted, "how are you a lieutenant?"

san giggled in agreement, "i think he cheated in the exam..."

"yah!" the two ran away as mingi chased them.

you whisper to yourself as you point at the nose with your pen, "see? seonghwa's nose is long and slender... but this one, it's... how should i put it?"

you bit the pen, "it's just not him."

You just cap so hard, it's— I don't know what to do

"the ink is gonna spill in your mouth if you bite any harder."

you blink back and look up to yeosang who was filling a small paper cup with coffee, "you want one?"

you sighed and nodded, "yes, thank you yeo."

Kissin' and hope they caught us (Ah)

he places the cup on your desk and smiles, "anytime."

you sip the hot coffee,

why would seonghwa lie to me? did he...

your eyes widen, "no!" you slam the cup onto the desk, scaring half of the people in the precinct as the hot coffee splashed onto your hand,

Whether they like or not (Not)

"ah!" you yelped in pain as you fell backwards.

jongho jumped out of his seat and rushed to your side, "jesus m/n! what's up with you today?"

you hold your burning hand as you whine in pain, "i also wanna know..."

jongho is clearly confused but he brushes if off and sighs, "don't work too hard. you know what happens when you do like most of the time, right?"

I wanna show you off (Off)

yeah, i need to chill out.

as the next day rolled by, you sat idly at your desk the entire time. pen in your mouth as you bit at the rear, forehead creasing as you mentally pieced the evidences and alibis together. you sighed and leaned back into your chair,

god, this is too complicated.

"biting your pen again, i see?" you throw your head backwards to see yeosang carrying a stack of documents.

you whistled, "where you going with all that stuff?"

I wanna show you off (Off)

yeosang sighed, "yunho said he needed me to get these all sent to hq." you hummed as he looked past you to the many pieces of notes and files scattered on your desk, "still working on kim?"

you look back and sighed, "yeah, i don't know why it gets more complicated as i dig further."

"give me a second." yeosang retreats to his own desk and places down the documents before returning and picking up the files of seonghwa and the maid, "i see why it's hard for you m/n."

you perk up, "what, why is that?"

you move to the side as yeosang drags his own chair over and sits down after placing the files down. he points at the pictures,

I wanna brag about it (Yeah)

"i mean, look at their faces."

you follow his finger, "they look practically like twins to me. if you looked at them from any other angle than the front, you'll surely never tell them apart." your eyes widen, "wait, that's right!"

you quickly click on the security footage of gates again, "i've only ever been able to tell the two apart is because seonghwa always wears nice and luxurious clothes, whereas the maid is the complete opposite."

I wanna tie the knot (Knot)

you turn to see yeosang's smug grin and bounced off your seat, "i have to go." quickly grabbing your coat before jogging to the lift hearing yeosang's diminishing 'you're welcome's. you cursed silently as the lift never came, deciding to run down a few flights of stairs.

of course, why haven't i noticed?

I wanna show you off (Off)

huffing, a few beads of sweat forms at your forehead as you reach the ground floor and quickly run into your car. starting it, you drove off. with one hand, you took out your phone and dialled a number.

seonghwa hummed a soft tune as he was doing some knitting in the living room. suddenly, the phone rang and he placed his tools onto the soft couch and jogged to pick up the phone at the desk,

I wanna show you off (Off)

"this is ms. park seonghwa of-" "seonghwa!"

he felt a blush creep towards his face upon hearing the tired and breathless voice of the detective.

I wanna show you

"ah, detective! is something the matter? why are you calling me at," he glanced at the clock on the wall, "almost seven thirty in the evening?" he leaned onto the desk as he twirled the wire between his finger,

Hold my hand

the all too familiar feeling of butterflies in his stomach upon hearing your soothing voice call his name. "apologies, seonghwa. i'm actually on my way to your residence as of now-"

"what, now!?" seonghwa coughed,

You can hit while they watch, boy

"s-sorry, i was just surprised. may i ask why?"

"i just need to confirm a few things regarding the murder case since i'm near to completing it." seonghwa bit his lip, "how far are you?"

So, 9:30? I'll see you there

"ten minutes away, i'll be there shortly." seonghwa looked down at his current attire,

you couldn't see him like this. no way.

No, you hang up, you hang up

"i see. take your time detective, i'll be waiting..." placing the phone down softly, seonghwa rushed upstairs into his bedroom and almost demolished his closet finding the perfect outfit for the occasion.

"is something the matter, ma'am?" seonghwa popped his head out of the closet to see his maid, standing at the doorway.

Somethin' different about you

"ah! right, i totally forgot." the maid watched in confusion as seonghwa dug through his drawers and pulled out an envelope.

"here, this is for the extra work you did for me. thank you, by the way." the maid smiles and takes the envelope with both hands, bowing slightly. "no, i should thank you for providing me such a nice residence."

seonghwa smiles, "the detective will be here shortly, you should leave before anything happens." the maid nods, "take care of yourself, ma'am." "you know i will."

the maid bows once more before jogging to her room and begins packing her things.

Love it when he hit and smack too

finally, seonghwa picks the perfect dress and smirks at the thought of his own image in the dress, but his confident smile drops upon seeing his figure in the mirror.

seonghwa noticed his tummy poking from the skin-tight dress. he gulped and turned to his side, the lump being fairly noticeable. he swore he could still hear theodore's nagging at the back of his heda.

look at yourself, do you think you look good?

nobody would want to have sex with somebody of your shape.

what happened to you? you used to look good.

i suppose you've gotten too comfortable since i had money, huh?

seonghwa blinked back tears as the doorbell rang through the mansion. he sniffled as he reassured himself,

there's no theodore anymore.

he's not here to belittle you.

it's your world now, whatever you want.

i shouldn't be nervous.

Baby, let me lick on your tattoos

he looked at his reflection in the mirror again, this time his eyes dark and lidded, my dear detective is the one that should be nervous.

upon hearing the bell ring again, he rushed downstairs. waving goodbye to the maid who was leaving through the backdoor, seonghwa brushed his dress and took a deep breath before opening the door. the sight of your crumpled dress shirt and messy hair made his knees weak.

"please, come in detective." you nodded before walking inside. "should we have a drink before we start?"

you perked up, "a drink? is it a special occasion?"

seonghwa giggled, "yes, we are about to crack the case! it most definitely is a special occasion." you smiled gently as you sat at the couch, "how about we go upstairs?"

That's true that I like PDA, take it to a seedy place

you felt your throat go dry as you swallowed, "up...stairs?" seonghwa leaned down as he toyed with the collar of your shirt, eyes never leaving yours.

"yes, it's more comfortable," you shivered upon feeling his cold fingers brush against your neck, "and i can feel all the tiredness emitting from you. i must say you work diligently, detective."

you could feel seonghwa's hot breath fanning your face, "y-yeah, that's why they call me the best." seonghwa smirked as he pulled away and slowly walked towards the stairs with you following.

Suck a little dick in the bathroom

upon reaching the bedroom, you're surprised when you saw a filled wine glass with another empty one at its side. "ah! please don't mind that detective, i've been drinking recently."

you slowly nod, "right." seonghwa sits at the side of his bed before patting the spot next to him, "let's sit here."

Front-seat chillin' with the window down

you were surprised to say the least. you'd always fantasize about this, but now that it were actuall happening to you, you felt yourself almost shy away at the offer.

wait, no. stay focused, m/n. this is not the time for all those dirty thought.

you nodded before taking a seat next to seonghwa, bed dipping at the weight of both of you.

I be ten toеs down on the dash, gettin' fast food

seonghwa turned to the bedside table where a bottle of wine and an empty glass stood, "let me pour you a drink, detective. it's been so lonely in this mansion since the tragic untimely passing of my dear theodore."

Hope you can handlе the heat,

you hummed as you watched the dark red liquid fall into the glass smoothly.

seonghwa passed you the glass as he stood up to get his own, "so, how is the investigation going?" you shrug, "we all think it's the maid."

seonghwa blinks in surprise, "the maid?"

put your name in the streets

"yeah, i mean she's the only one whose alibi is incomplete and she was acting so weird during the interrogation." you take a large gulp as he sighed.

your brows furrowed at the bitter taste on your tongue, isn't sauternes supposed to be sweet?

Get used to my fans lookin' at you

seonghwa smiles apologetically, "oh detective, i thought you were smarter than that."

"wha-" suddenly your head began to spin as your grip on the glass loosened. "detective?" you look over to seonghwa as your vision blurred, "uh-"

Fuck what they heard,

then, you fell backwards onto the mattress, red wine spilling all over your white blouse. "goodness!"

you groan as you tried to move, however proving to be futile as your limbs stayed dead still on the bed.

I don't fuck with them birds

"what's... what's hap-" your eyes widen as you look towards seonghwa, who you could see is smirking slightly.

"the wine,"

you breathed, "you drugged it." he giggled and turned towards you,

I'm a mean kitty,

"i knew you were clever detective." you eyes darted around his face in confusion, "but how? you had wine too-"

seonghwa smiles upon your realisation, "you... had your drink prepared." you groaned and stared up at the ceiling,

don't get stabbed with the rat tooth

"damn it! how did i miss that?" seonghwa stroked your arm as you shivered,

"it's absolutely alright, detective. not everyone can catch every single detail, not even you." you look into his eyes, expression unchanging.

Boys be mad that I don't fuck incels

"you think i don't know it's you, right?"

seonghwa perked up, "you know?"

Girls hate too, gun to their pigtail

you smirked, "of course i know. only the best detective in the city can figure that out." seonghwa bit his lip as he straddles you,

"you got some wine on you detective." ignoring you, he plucks a tissue from the box on the bedside table, "here, let me get it for you..."

I love you, I wanna big chill

you were surprised when he leaned down and licked a swipe from your collar to your jawline, making you groaned suddenly.

"god, you taste divine..." he went down once again and sucked at your adam's apple, licking and sucking as if it were his last meal.

Boy, don't trip, I'll split a big bill

you bit back moans as you gripped the sheets beneath you. he leaned higher into your ear and whispered,

Take you 'round the world,

"so what if i killed him? even for a smart man such as yourself, you won't be able to get physical evidence anyways."

they don't have to understand

pulling away, seonghwa's grin didn't falter even under your lustful gaze. "you knew theodore's lazy and never bothered to fix the old security cameras, that's why it only captures one-fourth of the full picture."

Rub it in their face, put a rock on her hand

seonghwa bit his lip excitedly as your smirk grew, "you used that as an advantage and dressed the maid in your clothes knowing people would mistake her for you as you two are similar in appearances."

seonghwa hummed as he began unbuttoning your blouse slowly, eyes never leaving yours. "you stayed back while she left at 3pm and killed theodore.

Baby, can you call me back?

afterwards, you left through the back and the person that came back at 4pm was indeed you. you purposely left out bits in her alibi so we'd blame her and forget about how you could've been a suspect too."

seonghwa clapped as you finished your speech, "100%, brilliant!" he clasped his hands together as he stares lovingly, "oh detective, do you even know why i killed theodore?"

I miss you

you shrugged, "probably cause he's a bad husband and doesn't give you love?" he hummed, "partly, but not exactly."

as he finishes unbuttoning the last button of your blouse, you shivered at the cold air hitting your chest as he admired your abdomen. it looks exactly like how i had imagined it.

It's so lonely in my mansion

"i did it because of you."

you blinked in surprise, "...me?"

seonghwa brushed a few strands of loose hair back, "yes, you! because i love you. ever since that day we met, i've never been able to stop thinking abut you."

Kissin' and hope they caught us (Ah)

seonghwa smiled apologetically, "i missed you so dearly that i found out it was the only way to see you again. plus i'd have gotten rid of the obstacle that separated us."

you tilt your head slightly, "but how are you sure i feel the same way?"

Whether they like or not (Not)

seonghwa chuckled, "i can tell since the drug had worn off a few minutes ago, yet you didn't move." your eyes widen as he teased,

I wanna show you off (Off)

"i wonder why?" you gulp as you feel seonghwa place his hands on top of yours before guiding them to his hips.

seonghwa slowly grinds into you as you let out a shaky breath. "what do you think your doing?" he bites his lip upon feeling your erection pressing against his own.

I wanna show you off (Off)

"i'm doing what we've both wanted for so, so long." he leans down and captures your lips in a heated kiss, one that is slow and sensual; what the both had longed for.

I wanna show you

you prodded yourself up with your elbows as your blouse slid off your shoulders, seonghwa felt heat rise to his cheeks when your grip on his hips tightened possessively. he pulled away breathing heavily,

"oh love, you have no idea how much i needed that."

Hold my hand

you stare into his eyes, taking everything in and not even blinking once. seonghwa squirms in his position on your lap as you let your hands slid up his dress, lifting the fabric higher.

you broke eye contact to look him up and down, breath getting heavier by the second. you saw in the corner of your eyes when seonghwa swallowed dryly.

you cooed and softly rubbed his thighs, "what's wrong, sweets?"

seonghwa avoided your worried gaze as he looks down at his hands, "i know the dress doesn't fit me like it used to..."

he tried sucking his stomach in, but the rolls only became more prominent, seonghwa bit his lip in embarrassment.

You can hit while they watch, boy

seonghwa had forgotten about himself as he was so focused on you, that's one of the reasons he liked you so much. you made him forget all about his flaws and imperfections.

your eyes widen at this newfound behaviour in seonghwa. never in your life had you imagined seonghwa to be so, so... insecure. in your eyes, he was this confident man with a rich husband and everything he ever wanted. however, it made you fall deeper in love with him. you adored that he was willing to show this new side to you.

you cupped his cheeks and tilted his head upwards to look at you, "hey... i think you look absolutely stunning today,"

Ah, sorry, I was takin' a sip of my root beer

you whispered before pressing your foreheads together as you sighed deeply, "you have no idea how badly i wanted to see you in that dress again..."

"really...?" seonghwa said, in uncertainty from his tone.

'Cause love is pain,

you didn't reply, only pulling him impossibly closer to you as you captured his lips again. seonghwa whined in response,

softly yanking at the hairs on your nape as your other hand went higher and higher into his dress.

but I need this shit (Yeah)

you could tell he was getting flustered from how hot his skin was getting. you let your tongues wander and fuse as you felt a string wrap around his hip, you smirked into the kiss and pulled away suddenly, leaving seonghwa panting and wanting for more.

We fuck too good when the bean kicks in

"wearing a thong? gosh, ms. park. and here i thought you were a woman of great dignity." seonghwa moaned quietly as you snapped the string of the thong, hitting against his skin.

Like Fortnite, I'ma need your skin (Yeah)

seonghwa grinds further, "how can i keep my legs closed when the man of my dreams is right here? of course i need to impress."

you felt your breath caught in your throat when seonghwa lifted his dress, revealing the white lacy thong that covered right over the mound of his erection,

Don't give a fuck where the penis been (Uh)

a wet splotch in the middle as his cock twitched. seonghwa watched as your eyes became more lidded, trailing up his body as if he were your feast.

you bit your lip upon seeing the small pudge of fat that spilled over the thong, "wow," you muttered breathlessly.

Boy, you're the one,

your mind went blank as you dipped your head down and nuzzled against the warm fat, squishing the meat at his hips.

seonghwa shrieks in horror as he tangled his fingers in your hair, a futile attempt to pull a man twice his size off of him.

you're the only man

"s-stop! get off me," seonghwa cried as his face flushed red, never had theodore done such things to him. it made butterflies flutter in the pit of his stomach.

Me and you on my OnlyFans

you pressed a few wet kisses against the plush flesh of his belly as seonghwa softly laid onto the bed. you pulled away and grinned at the man below you,

Holy cow,

"so pretty..." you kissed his inner thigh as seonghwa whined.

you're the Holy Trin'

"i want you now... please," seonghwa laid his arms next to his head, silently begging you to take his clothes off.

Hold me down when a hole need dick

you smirked, "yes, your highness."

seonghwa inhaled sharply as your slender fingers softly slid against his skin, moving upwards painfully slow as the fabric followed.

Be my security, it's your therapy

seonghwa whined, "come on, hurry!"

you only halted your movements and cooed at the male, "i don't want this pretty dress to tear, though." you teased. seonghwa thrashed in your hold as tears formed in the corners of his eyes,

With you, I ain't holding shit back

"please! we can get a new one-" you cut him off with a wet kiss as he tangled his hands in your hair once again. you groan into the kiss when his fingers yank at your scalp a little.

When I need my space, you give that

"but you said it's a custom made, remember?" you whispered against his lips. the littlest details you remembered about seonghwa made his stomach churn, unlike that damned theodore.

When he broke my heart, you fixed that

seonghwa stares at the string of saliva connected at yours and his bottom lip before looking back up at you, blushing as he realised you'd been staring at him the entire time.

With a long walk on the beach

"you still remembered?" he whispered softly.

you smirk as you brush his hair back, leaving butterfly kisses on the shell of his earlobes, making him shiver. "of course i remember,"

you gently knead his waist, "how can i forget?"

Love it when they honk-honk on the street (Beep)

you let your lips hover against his, but made no move to connect them together. you could hear seonghwa's uneven breath, making you chuckle softly.

"i remember everything," you kiss up his neck, "and i mean everything, about you."

When they see us zoom by in the Jeep (Yeah)

seonghwa whines before pulling your neck towards him suddenly. he pouts, "if you don't take off this damn dress now, i won't let you fuck me." you smirk and card your fingers through his slick-back hair,

We a whole damn joint, we a energy

"don't be so impatient, princess." seonghwa glares warningly as you chuckle softly, "alright, alright. i hope you're ready for what's next."

seonghwa couldn't even process anything as the dress was slipped off his body in one fast move, he shivered as the cold air hit his body.

Baby, we could just ride on our enemies

pushing him back onto the bed, you let your finger hover over his hole as seonghwa's cock twitched in his thong, calling for you. you leaned into his ear, "are you ready?"

They all wanna know how you get to me

seonghwa whined and pouted, "can't you just put it in now? i can't wait any longer for you, my love..." you couldn't resist his glossy puppy eyes and gave in, sighing.

however, seonghwa regretted his decision immediately upon seeing your huge cock spring out of your pants, hard with precum leaking at the tip. he shivered, "uh- i think i want to prepare first..."

Let 'em feel how they feel and be Philistines

you hold his chin with your thumb and index finger and tilt his head up, "backing down now? hm, i don't think so." letting go of your chin, you lined yourself up before gripping his hips roughly.

"ah- no! it-it'll rip...!" tears formed at the corner of seonghwa's eyes as you pushed in quickly, stretching him out in one go. seonghwa moaned whorishly when your tip hit his prostate with the first thrust, proving how big you really are.

'Cause this type of love's the epitome, said

seonghwa gripped the sheets beneath him as he arched his back, "ah! oh-oh my god... it- nghh- it's too much, m/n..."

Baby, you're literally capping to me right now

there was an animalistic glint in your eyes upon hearing your name roll out of his mouth, "say it again," you said simply.

"h-huh?" it was hard for seonghwa to focus on your words when your huge cock was damn near to poking through his stomach, the full feeling in his stomach made him dizzy.

Like why are you capping me?

"say my name again." you growled into his ear, seonghwa felt himself physically and mentally melt. you groaned lowly upon the warm feeling of seonghwa clenching onto you.

"m-m/n, fuck me!" he cried.

You just cap so hard, it's— I don't know what to do

you moaned when you heard your name again. your grip on his hips was so hard, seonghwa swore it'd bruise. suddenly, you pulled out and thrust back in quickly.

Kissin' and hope they caught us (Ah)

seonghwa screamed as he yanked at your hair, making you groan. his toes curled and thighs trembled, "oh! ngh, yeah- right there!"

Whether they like or not (Not)

seonghwa shivered when you buried your face into his neck, hot breath tickling his neck.

I wanna show you off (Off)

seonghwa loved this. he smirked at the knowledge that none of his friends that fantasised about you would ever have you like he did, they would pay millions and even consider leaving their own husbands to be beneath you.

I wanna show you off (Off)

but here seonghwa was, making love to the very same man most of his female friends hoped to have. the thought alone made him feel all giddy, how you chose him over any of those women.

I wanna brag about it (Yeah)

seonghwa was suddenly brought back to reality when you sucked at him neck, making him squirm. "mm,,, n-not there, ah!" seonghwa felt you smirk into his neck as he continued his harsh thrusts.

I wanna tie the knot (Knot)

tears rolled down seonghwa's cheek as he came untouched with you following soon after. you panted heavily as you looked down to admire your artwork, "i wish i could frame this exact moment, love."

seonghwa smirked, "that's not possible, but i hope you engrave this into your mind." you stroke his cheek, "you know i will."

I wanna show you off (Off)

you pulled out and watched your hot cum drip from his hole and onto the sheets, dampening it. you bit your lip as your cock became hard again just at the thought of breeding your beloved.

seonghwa gasped as you rubbed your erection against his entrance again, "w-what! again?" you nodded shamelessly and only nuzzled into his stomach, "but we just did it-"

seonghwa was cut off when you pushed yourself in again. he whimpered, still not getting used to your size. this time, seonghwa clung onto your back as you thrusted upwards. even though your thrusts were slow, each thrust hit against his prostate, making seonghwa's eyes roll back.

I wanna show you off (Off)

he cried as you sucked more hickies on his neck, his nails leaving angry red lines down your back as you only shivered. "ah... i'm gonna fill you up,"

seonghwa's eyes widen as he stares into your lust-filled ones, "i'm gonna make you carry my babies..." seonghwa moaned at the thought, overstimulated cock leaking obscene amounts of precum.

"that way, you'll be mine forever." seonghwa's vision began blurring as he muttered your name over and over, not even comprehending his or your words.

I wanna show you (Off)

"forever, forever, forever..." you mumbled again and again with each harsh thrust you sent. seonghwa whimpered as he closed his eyes, sounds of skin clapping and bed creaking filled the room.

anyone who passed by the room would know what was going on inside instantly, that's how loud and unholy the sounds were. but it turned seonghwa on to no end.

you smirked, "pretty baby..."

Yeah, yeah

leaning down, you suckle on seonghwa's nipple suddenly, making his body jolt. "h-hey! ah- not there, d- ngh! don't..." seonghwa's back arched as you bit down onto his chest, the pleasure of your thrusts and the pain of your teeth clashing together.

I wanna show you off (Off)

pulling away, you smile at your teeth mark you left around his nipple. you tutted, "i can't leave the other one unattended, right?"

I wanna show you off (Off)

seonghwa gulped as you attached yourself to his other nipple, pulling it with your teeth. seonghwa cried and whimpered as he sunk his head back onto the soft pillow below his head, hands gripping your arms as he twitched and trembled.

I wanna show you (Yeah)

seonghwa felt your cock twitch and thrusts grow sloppy as you slowly reached your orgasm, him following.

a few more thrusts was all it took before you released your second load into seonghwa. he responded by moaning and arching his back, mesmerised by the warm feeling invading his stomach as he came in long, white ropes.

Yeah, yeah

you thrust a few more times as you came down from your high before pulling out. seonghwa whimpered at the sudden empty feeling, feeling your cum slowly flow out of his hole.

I wanna show you off (Off)

you collapse next to seonghwa, wrapping him in the thick blanket before spooning the male. "do you wanna clean up?" you ask.

seonghwa shook his head and nuzzled into your neck, "stay for the night, please." you grinned and kissed the top of his head, "what kind of person would i be if i left?"

I wanna show you off (Off)

you two laid in silence for a few minutes before you spoke up, "marry me." seonghwa's eyes widen as he sat up immediately, hair a mess as his cheeks flush red.

"a-are you serious?" you chuckled and cupped his cheeks, "yes, i am." seonghwa bit his lip worriedly, "b-but what about theodore, what do i do? what do you do? what-"

I wanna show you

you cut off his rambling by kissing him lovingly. the kiss filled with nothing but pure love and yearning for the other, "i'll take care of it, so don't worry your pretty little head about it."

you intertwine your hands with seonghwa's when he sniffled, pressing your foreheads together.

Hold my hand

"i love you, park seonghwa." he nodded as his bottom lip trembled,

"or should i say, l/n seonghwa?"

You can hit while they watch, boy

©BRRRKDSLEK 2023

[mullets]

im not joking but if one more relative in fucking bangladesh sits me down and warns me about the dangers of pride month and whatever the fuck since im moving to canada im going to kill myself im going to kill myself im going to kill myself

[lighthousegod]

Me finding trigun/trigun:stampede and actually getting attached to 2 characters after only caring about steddie for a while: oh hell yeah new ship just dropped and half of it isn't even dead!

Me immediately finding out abt the couch scene b4 i finished the 98 or the manga:

[tytonnidaie]

the most dangerous part of having a pet au that u never seriously work on except think abt it to ur writing playlist as u drive is that. you develop it. and it gets better. and then you really really want to write it. and you're in danger

[super-done-dead]

i must say while watching big brother i do often think of how problematic some of the shit on the show can be. tumblr has rotted my brain!

[oxydiane]

we talk a lot about how sasuke and naruto are so crazy about each other but there’s never enough attention on how the rest of the naruto cast Also thinks they are two fucking lunatics. like we are not alone on this. you have jiraiya telling naruto he needs to not go and chase a mf who tried to snatch his heart out his ribcage and naruto is like no i’d rather be a fucking moron for the rest of my life honestly. you have naruto leaving a mission and saying sory i cannot stay i need to go home and wait for sasuke and the fucking platypus looks at him ???? like he even had me confused where are you goin g to wait? ? why are you saying that like sasuke is coming back the fuck did i miss??? you have the kage summit arc which is just a whole bucket of ice being dropped onto you because you come in and immediately get slapped in the face by naruto letting himself be beat up because he won’t tell them where sasuke is??? like he has any fucking idea where sasuke is. and sai tries to make him come to his senses like naruto??? naruto WHAT ARE U DOING. it’s so bad they need an intervention. right after that naruto faces the raikage and gets on his knees saying i know my almost boyfriend almost killed your brother but i promise it wasn’t on purpose he was just being silly please don’t put a bounty on his head a war will literally ensue. and like. there’s LAYERS to this. 1. even RAIKAGE is like BOY what are you doing. STAND UP. 2. at this point you can count the people who like sasuke on the fingers of one hand like WHO is gonna start a war over him… naruto out there moving a war against a whole country by himself over his bf ok you go girl i guess. after this it gets even worse like gaara has to go up to him and be like SASUKE DOWSNT CARE ABOUT YOU. HE DOES NOT WANT YOU. and naruto just slaps his hand away in front of his family like rude?????? ignoring anything it is hilariouuusssss and then sai is like sorry. sakura lied to you they are actually off to kill sasuke and naruto gets a panic attack so severe he passes out. like i am not joking it was so bad his friends tried to kill sasuke behind his back. and then naruto escapes bedriddenment (is that a word?) after passing out from his panic attack to run and make sure NOBODY kills sasuke. like he’s on a RUSH leaping those trees he’s a boy on a mission. then after he gets there he’s like kakashi DO NOT TOUCH HIM. they launch themselves at each other bla bla gay monologues did you see what was in my heart and then. and then naruto is like. wait sasuke. and sasuke waits like sorry that’s such a little thing but it’s so funny to me like sasuke was just acting a lil murderous crazy manic wtv but naruto told him to wait and he waits. ok good boyfriend. anyways moving on naruto is like do you get it sasuke. if we fight again we will BOTH DIE! (everybody gets a ?????? bubble) i am the only one who can shoulder all that hatred. i will CARRY THE BURDEN OF YOUR HATRED AND WE WILL DIE TOGETHER! and . absolutely Everybody in that room just goes ???????????? what the FUCK is he TALKING ABKHT. everybody except sasuke. sasuke smirks and he’s like sure. they just talked about dying together and meeting each other in a different life where they’ll be free of their burdens and they’re just Fine and all ok smiling at each other and everyone is so fucking confused. like the entire supporting cast is with us side eyeing sasuke and naruto and thinking what in the everloving FUCK is WRONG WITH YOU????????

[inf3ct3dd]

streamer!ellie pt.2

summary: i hated the other one of this that i made, so REMAKE TIEM!!!

warnings: miiinor sexual content, shit talking, gay people 😒

authors note: heheheh ples don’t flop this time..

- during her faceless days, she opened up a po box so ppl could send her things, and she made an amazon wishlist and she unboxed stuff on stream 😍😍

- one day she was unboxing a giant box of cat toys. string, those little feather stick things, even that weird automatic flapping fish thing (that she secretly loves and taped to her back one time)

- she was playing with this one toy that was a little fishing reel, and it had string and a little fish on the bottom. she went on and onnn about how shes a self proclaimed “fishing master” while garf chased it around, letting out little meows and growls of frustration.

- eventually, she lost her grip and let go of the pole. she bent down to pick it up, forgetting that her face would be in view. thus, the chat started blowing up.

ewwwbruh: FACE REVEAL

ewwife: EW WE CAN SEE UR FACE

ewwife: JUST THE SIDE BUT WE CAN SEE YOUU

ewssidechick: her nose looks so rideable…

- she got distracted petting garfield, and didn’t realize anything until she stood up. she was getting tagged over and over again on twitter, blurry pictures of her face (curtesy of the shitty webcam) circulating through her subreddit.

- “guys. im gonna erase this from ur memory…” and she literally held up this goofy ass hypnotizer pendelum and started fake hypnotizing everyone like “that never happenedddd” “you don’t know what i look likeeee” “that was fakeeee” “chat that was not reallll”

- and everyone literally js went along with it and pretended it never happened. like ppl were tweeting about it and everyone was like “huh??? what are u talking about bruh??”

- she did the same thing after falling off her rainbow unicorn scooter 😞

- one time she revealed that the “ew” in her username stood for her initials, and everyone was making the most horrendous guesses. elliam willace being the favorite one.

- “guys, my name is not edward wilson??? i am…not a man”

- shes gotten into so much drama…multiple notes app apologies have been issued via her instagram story.

- people would ask her opinions on other streamers, and she’d literally just be like “…i have no idea who that is.” and people would get so MADDDD but homegirl is literally just blatantly unaware

- or she would know , and would literally be like “they’re honestly super annoying and i would rather kill myself than watch them but whatever floats ur boat ig!”

- she played that “womp womp womp womppp” sound effect on her soundboard afterwards.

- SPEAKING OF. she abuses that soundboard sooo much. its so obnoxious and annoying like I SWEARRR!!! she’ll tell a horrible pun and play the crowd laughing and cheering sound effects while literally no one laughed.

“guys. whats the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament??”

“…live streaming.”

(crowd cheering sound effect)

“nooo thank you thank you, you’re all too kind, really!!”

- meanwhile chat was dead silent.

- every time she gets to choose her own name on a game its some dumb shit like "jizzmaster" or "chris fucker"

- “it appears you have entered innapropriate content.” “OHHH LOOK AT EPISODE LOOK AT THESE CORPORATE BIGWIGS TRYING TO CONTROL THE LITTLE MAN???”

- she just ended up naming him “chris phucker”

- like when she played episode on stream and made up really annoying voices for all the characters and made her character look like an elderly man, and made the love interest look like you 😍😍

- she messes up sm on games when she streams normally, but when you're there? she is LOCKED THE FUCK IN. sitting there so focused the entire time just to show off

- whenever she randomly goes silent she just starts SINGING. it's either nicki minaj or some fucking fnaf song

"IS THIS THE THANKS THAT I GET FOR PUTTING U BITCHES ON???"

- speaking of, her favorite fnaf song is def “stay calm” cuz she loves saying “hey kids. Nice to eat ya.”

- bought one of those "i paused my game to be here" tshirts…ironically. you refuse to let her wear it in public

- beefs w kids on fortnite sm... she has definitely gotten banned for saying she was gonna bomb a kids house or fuck their mom 😞

- every time she plays a game, she'll literally sit there and watch an 8 hour long video about the lore. she'll plop down on the couch and watch it like a movie

"did you know everyone actually thought that fnaf one took place in 1993, but it was actually 1992?"

- she definitely had you sit next to her when she played through fnaf because she was lowk scared the entire time whenever she heard you walking around the house while she was playing she'd hear footsteps in the hallway and be like. WHAT THE FUCKKK

-she'd have you right next to her, laying your head on her shoulder and messing with her free hand. if you fell asleep, she would be sitting there slapping her hand over her mouth whenever she gets jumpscared bc she doesn't want you to wake up 😞

- sometimes, while she streams , she plays one handed games and lets you sit and draw on her arm for fun. even got you a whole set of those skin markers so u could go ABSOLUTELY HAM. she got one drawing you did that said “r + e 4eva” tattooed in ur handwriting…such a sap

- she loves watching fan edits of herself...AND OF YOU. she'll be on her burner account with a whole collection on tiktok of edits of you.

ewwsbiggestfan: shes so bad i want her to hit me w her car...

- speaking of. imagine her using that account to make shitty capcut edits of you like

- shes ur biggest fan ongod

-WHILE WE’RE ON THE TOPIC OF “fans”…what if i made a completely new origin story for streamer!ellie and reader. what if they were both streamers….

- OKAY SO BASICALLY.

- you had started streaming about a year before ellie did. butttt, you two did very different types of streaming.

- you weren’t very into like, SERIOUS video games. sure, you played some stuff, like animal crossing and roblox and the sims, but nothing more than that.

- that wasn’t what you were streaming though.

- ever since you were younger, you had been wayyyy into…literature.

-by literature i mean fanfiction. heaps of it.

- actors, anime characters, BOOK CHARACTERS, you were in DEEP

- sometimes, for fun, you used to read them out loud in stupid voices. when you were alone, or with your friends, it was very entertaining

- that’s when you got the idea to start streaming it. if it could entertain your friends, and you, whos to say it wouldn’t entertain other people.

- well, it definitely did. in your first year, you hit 10k followers. people loved you. theyd make edits of you, send in requests of fics for you to read, everything.

- a while later, ellie started gaining more and more popularity. out of all the incomes of fame, fanfiction was the most. abundant!

- one day, you got a request to read an ellie x reader fic. at the time, you barely had any idea who she was, but you decided to just go with it 🤞🏽

- “who the fuck is elliam willace???”

- the fanfic was definitely very…graphic!

- “your hips rolled onto her thigh, her slender, tattooed hand palming at your waist. ‘you’re doing so good babe, fuck.’-“ “GUYS. ISN’T SHE NOT ON MUTE RIGHT NOW???”

- you couldn’t help but giggle the rest of the fic, feeling a nagging heat in your core. you didn’t even know who the girl was, but if this fic was accurate, someone would have to sedate you.

-“im actually. gnawing at the iron bars of my enclosure. GUYS. who is this woman…is she real… if she is. things are about to get WICKED.”

- not very thankful to you at the moment, she was very real. apparently, you and her were streaming at the same time, and your followers raided her stream telling her she was reading about you. her curiosity was obviously piqued, and why would she NOT join the stream?

- creeperewman: im definitely real!

- the text on your screen literally made your stomach fall into your ass. you stood up and legit just walked out of the room, camera still on. was she there the whole time???

- creeperewman: aww 😞 where’d she go she’s so badddd

- you eventually returned after a minute of calming yourself down, and low and behold, she gifted you 100 subs and followed you on instagram.

- she was definitely very real!! and that fanfic was…lore accurate. to say the least 😊

- after you two started dating, the two of you would often show up on eachothers streams. ellie, teaching you how to play cod, and you, reading with her.

- she secretly loves reading the fics people write about her and making fun of them, and every time you stream with her shes “subtly” hinting that you should read about her

sitting there pulling on her collar, looking away like “gee, wonder who you’re gonna pick today” with the worst fake laugh ever.

- “ellie can barely ride a scooter, idk why she’s in the mafia rn…” “you fall off ONE TIME and all of a sudden you cant ride a scooter. bullshit.”

- she makes fun of all the dumb pet names like “babygirl” and “darling” and randomly calls you them and bursts out laughing

- you still read those fics when you’re bored sometimes. and ellie MERCILESSLY makes fun of you for it

“yknow, if you missed me that bad, you should’ve just told me.”

[lovelytsunoda]

unsub! // logan sargeant

summary: this modern thriller star is a big softie for her boyfriend…if you squint really hard sometimes

pairing: logan sargeant x criminal minds! actress! reader

fc liana liberato

yn.yln

liked by logansargeant, jennaortega, kiernanshipka and 2,490 others

yn.yln big things are coming, watch this space! criminalmindsevolution

see all comments

logansargeant hey sexy lady

-> yn.yln 😘

jennaortega she is the moment

user this is my gay awakening

user is it just me or does she seem totally wrong for an f1 wag? she’s all gloom and darkness and hard edges and logan is a ball of sunshine

-> user logan is happy so who are we to judge? I personally love their grumpy sunshine dynamic. I think he evens her out

criminalmindsevolution 👀👀

-> user please tell me my scream queen is going to be playing a hot new female unsub

user just one chance. that’s all I’m asking.

albon_pets she scares horsey

-> yn.yln I’ll bring extra nandos next time I’m around, that should change horseys mind!

-> alex_albon we all know you’re the biggest softy around drop the act

-> yn.yln i admit nothing. I have my image to think about

criminalmindsevolution and yn.yln

liked by yn.yln, logansargeant and 9,451 others

criminalmindsevolution we are delighted to welcome yn yln as jade waters to the bau verse. she has stunned viewers with her roles in ‘scream’, ‘based on a true story’ and ‘totally killer’. meet jade on screen for the first time this friday, we think you’ll like her

see all comments

user I KNEW SHED BE A SEXY UNSUB!! whatever my wife did she’s not guilty your honor

yn.yln knife to meet you 🫣

logansargeant so proud of you my love!

user she is mother.

user is anyone else alarmed that she seems to only play unalivers and general psychopaths? sensing an alarming pattern

-> user are u dumb she literally played a slasher victim in totally killer

f1wagsource

f1wagsource Actress YN YLN spotted taking a break from filming Criminal Minds Evolution as she enters the Vegas paddock this weekend with boyfriend Logan Sargeant

see all comments

user are we sure this is the same woman who killed seven people in a Scream film? the same woman who said her favourite director was Wes Craven and her favourite film Cillian Murphys Red Eye?

user this is like a whole other side to her!!

user she’s so expressive! I was watching her through the afternoon as she decided to watch the practice sessions from the stands and she did the most adorable little cheer in her seat whenever logan’s car came past 🥺

user she’s actually the sweetest person I’ve ever met! I ran into her and logan at a franchised bar in reno and she was so chill- she even offered to take a picture of me and logan, not even realizing that I actually wanted a picture with her!

logansargeant just posted to his story!

[caption 1: help I think she’s house hunting out if our budget again caption 2: never get between yn and her nachos….love you baby]

y.n.yln just posted!

liked by logansargeant, pagetpagetgram, oscarpiastri and 2,583 others

yn.yln to my partner in crime, my script partner, the one who always encourages me to chase my dreams, even when I think they’re bigger than my body. without you, I never would have had the courage to send my audition tape to the producers of criminal minds. heck, I probably wouldn’t have even thought to audition for scream. we’ve been through so much together, and it feels like only yesterday I nervously asked you out in a crowded bar, palms so sweaty that I dropped my sprite and you had to help me clean the glass off the floor. I still don’t know why you agreed to go out with me, if I’m being honest.

happy three years my love 🩷

see all comments

kirstenvangness AWEEE MY BABIES ARE ALL GROWN UP

logansargeant has it really been three years already? what can I saw except I love you know like I love you then, but tenfold. you inspire me and support me and I am so lucky to call you my girlfriend.

-> yn.yln don’t make me cry!! people can’t think I’m a softie!

-> logansargeant lmao it’s too late for that one babe

kiernanshipka THREE YEARS ALREADY! that boy better put a ring on it soon

user my royal couple

user this was a sudden burst of emotions I wasn’t expecting

-> oscarpiastri get used to it, logan makes her go all soft and gooey inside

joemantegna happy anniversary kiddo!

jensonbutton petition to have her at every race? she’s so much fun to be around and she makes the garage a better place to be

-> liakblock ur only saying that because she was the only one who would do oasis karaoke with you

-> yn.yln I can neither confirm nor deny the presence of a karaoke machine in jensons office

[not-the-cheese]

one sentence(ish) summaries of every magnus archive episode PART 2

(eps 61-110) thank u for the funny comments and tags on the last part i love u guys

the rest of these may take a while as i've caught up to where i am currently in the podcast but i will finish them like in a month i promise

----

61. the thrilling sequel to man does not open coffin: man DOES open coffin.

62. surely this doctor can find an easier way to scam people out of money than putting them in a little book.

63. THE DARK ATE MY BROTHER IN LAW.

64. this is possibly the plot of laura croft tomb raider

65. mmm crumchy

66. what's the opposite of an unboxing video

67. as close to a coffeeshop au as you're going to get from this podcast

68. Doctors hate him! Man REFUSES to die from tuberculosis!

69. your college's psych department has the worst idea ever.

70. reverse death note

71. not even death will stop this woman from taking the british subway

72. man doesn't want to be low key racist in his last moments before getting eaten

73. police versus the second coming of dark jesus

74. lady is haunted by an ad for coffee

75. mike crew says "uh fuck it let's just put this guy on a skyscraper forever"

76. ryan from buzzfeed unsolved breaks into a train yard and suffers consequences

77. you're not a enough of a bitch to be my real mom

78. man gets harassed by his cousin and then exorcises him

79. you know that chase scene in scooby doo with the doors

80. stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner

81. i have been personally victimized by the sequel to the hungry hungry caterpillar

82. pov: elias threatens to cancel you

83. mannequin takes matters into its own hands after people don't like its pitch for a new window display

84. a hoarder put newspaper on my friend's face :(

85. hey there's maybe a little man upon these stairs?

86. man gets got by a squiggly thing in the dark.

87. plumber is so oblivious to spooky happenings around him that it possibly saves his life.

88. guys i think this guy likes to dig

89. lesbian investment banker finds a new, less evil job: arson!

90. guy who turns people's bones starts a gym where he promises not to turn your bones! (he is lying)

91. i was stalked by lightning for 10 years and i all i got were these stupid scars

92. jonah magnus is a bad friend // another day another elias slay

93. ocd is no match for purple fuzz

94. let the bodies drop gently to the floor let the bodies drop gently to the floor

95. im so sorry my brain refuses to remember what the war ones were about but i think one guy got gently kissed on the forehead so that's pretty nice.

96. diversity wins! the not-quite-human delivery men who stole your identity and business are maybe gay?

97. man gets gaslighted by an entire town about a hole

98. 🎶mister sandman bring me a dream, actually don't, please stay far from me 🎶

99. another one bites the dust

100. archival assistants face off against the general public (they lose)

101. jon finally levels up high enough to unlock an eldritch horror's tragic backstory

102. LOCAL MAN MARRIES BUG

103. peppa eats a clown and they cover her in concrete instead of congratulating her.

104. pennywise stole my brother's skin

105. it's world war z baby

106. Something Big Is In Space.

107. man is interrogated about the time he saw thomas the train roasts people alive and also sans is there

108. actor is stalked by mask who liked his monologue so much that it tells its mask friends to come watch.

109. sometimes a family is just a serial killer's daughter and that guy who maybe killed some vampires

110. yeah man those spiders be eating

Part 1 |

[tomwaterbabies]

disneyland happenings

featuring varian and hugo. since thats what our costumes were

^(us trying to be very spooky) (there is a lot below btw lol)

someone asking if i (dressed as hugo) was from atlantis. surprisingly this only happened once

we went to kingdom hearts mickey first bc that was gonna be a popular one the rest of the night. the idea of varian in kingdom hearts is definitely really funny. i do not go here im just being honest

OH. new addition to the costume. i had olivia with me as a shoulder friend

met bruno from encanto who commented on her. we talked about our rodent friends he was very nice. he said he brought "all 200" of his rats with him and wanted to help feed them and knows mickey is a big mouse so maybe we could ask him. i said we could just steal some food. varian got mad

went over to see sid from toy story because he seemed like a mean little bitch. he was a mean little bitch. i may have said that his creations could use a little work but thats no reason for him to say "your mouse needs a little work" and "i hope you kept the receipt".... cunt

laughing about how mother gothel was no longer part of the characters to meet. "they killed her forever this time" etc etc

watching the parade and varian almost jumping out of his skin when mother gothel was in the parade. her ghost

we went to this thing called villain's grove which was a bunch of light and effects n stuff through their little forest area. it was mostly a cool immersive experience so most of the footage is on the Lights And Effects Themselves but here's a few of us that look cool lol. gay tunnel (maybe not) (that segment was themed after frollo)

met hans from frozen. we absolutely had no clue he was going to be there it was pretty funny. you may guess that my friend @kristoffs-lullaby (varian cosplayer) is a frozen enjoyer. so we hopped in line to see him

hans asked if varian's alchemy balls were some sort of magic or enchantment and you'll Never guess what varian responded with

though explaining its alchemy and science and all that didnt really make him feel better. he even asked if its something that would be in danger of bringing in an "eternal winter". varian did not like that :)

saw dr. doofenshmirtz (?) i didnt watch that show. he was pretty fun to meet though. i know some people dont like his creepy ass design, but i do, its fun and weird to me. he wanted to collaborate with me and varian since we're scientists. really funny to have him say "i'll have my people call your people". a possible strange message that rapunzel will get later /j

also encountered hades. though our friend @iammisswow was with us and so i had him focus on her since shes a big hercules fan. the visual was hugo getting this scary man's attention to be put on someone else by calling her out. it worked obviously. "oh SHE is a HUGE fan of hercules"

madam mim from sword in the stone didnt really have as big of a crowd so we actually talked with her a pretty good amount. shes SO fun. lots of discussion about magic vs science and how she thinks knowledge is stupid. you can imagine how we of all people felt when she said "KNOWLEDGE is not power, MAGIC is power". she also liked olivia (she thought she was a familiar)

meeting judge doom from roger rabbit was kind of scary LOL. very intimidating man. but his area had vats of chemicals and all that so you can imagine we had fun with that. WE can be trusted. obviously.

nervously just nodding our heads as judge doom tells us to come to him if we have any information regarding where "that rabbit is" (we are not doing that)

and also we saw ernesto de la cruz from coco. we were actually able to catch him right as he started performing which is rad but i dont actually have any interactions to tell u about here it was bad ass though

and, unbeknownst to Hugo (as in i also didnt know about this), varian had a surprise for him. he had a whole... horribly genuine and flustery spiel to say about messing around in his lab and all that and made something for hugo. which was a necklace with a piece of colored glass-like material (teal) in the shape of a heart. hugo handled that whole situation really well (lie)

ANYWAYS ! that's it. i've mentioned before but Disneyland Trips will be retired really soon since I'm not too fond of a lot of their wack shit right now, but wanted to share some of the last bit of enjoyable times to be had there before that happens

[whowantslovergirl]

You Stupid Bitch

Maddy Perez x reader (gender not specified)

warnings: cursing its euphoria yk, nate jacobs the homophobic gay woman beater, talks about the abuse, reader being an awesome person, somewhat happy ending, and yea! don't forget to smile!! ^ this means start the song 💋

euphoria masterlist

Summary: Maddy can't see that the perfect one for her is Y/N

posted: January 27,2024

Almost everyone knows how toxic Maddy and Nate is. If you don't know anything about their relationship you basically live under a rock.

The person who knew the most was Y/n a timid person but with a loud personality that's why Maddy and them got along so well.

It even got to the point where everyone thought they were a couple and only Y/n wishes for such a thing.

Because they and everyone else believes they are perfect for Maddy.

Except Maddy. ^

You let the wrong people love you

But you don't see that, do you?

When you cry and need my comfort

I drop everything to come over

Nate fucked up again and Maddy is paying for it again.

They were in her room making out and her phone kept ringing. It was this guy that was like obsessed with Maddy.

Nate saw it, got angry, threw stuff like the man he is, Maddy started crying, Nate didn't care, and blah blah blah. He left and Maddy is still crying and immediately texted you.

You were doing homework and a project at the same time when you got a text.

Maddy <3

can u please come over need ur comfort again??

You immediately went to her house.

The homework and project is due next week anyway.

Don't bite your lip or grit your teeth

Just count to ten and try to breathe

You stupid bitch, can't you see

the perfect one for you is me?

You were over at Maddys again trying to her calm down. "He's such a cunt Y/n! I did nothing fucking wrong!" You were quick to agree and still trying to get her to calm down.

"Just count to ten and try to breathe babe." You call everyone babe so of course Maddy isn't gonna find anything weird with the nickname.

She slowly started to calm down. "Thanks Y/n I can always count on you. You're literally my soulmate." She smiled and pulled you into a hug.

If only she said that out of a romantic love instead of a platonic one.

Maddy is your soulmate.

But she's too fucking dumb to see that.

"Anything for you Mads."

The perfect one for you is me

The perfect one for you is me

You stupid bitch, can't you see

the perfect one for you is me?

You and Maddy were taking a walk around the block. An old couple was walking the opposite way and they saw you guys.

"Oh well you guys are the most beautiful young couple l've ever seen!" The old lady says with a smile.

Before you correct her Maddy was a little too quick to jump to the opportunity.

"Oh we're not together I have a boyfriend." Yea for two more days, is what you wanted to say but the old lady just apologized and said

"Well I can tell the one you have now is not the one."

Literally everyone knows it but her.

You don't know what you deserve

And that's why you end up hurt

But you never listen

Take my advice as criticism

"Maddy he doesn't deserve you!" You and Maddy were arguing over the fact that Nate is a piece of shit. You think she doesn’t deserve to be treated like a piece of plastic but she believes that he’s just broken and needs someone to help him.

“You don’t known him Y/n! He needs someone to help him!”

“Yeah a fucking therapist! You shouldn’t have to pay for his actions Mads!” She just shook her head. “He treats you like shit! Every time something happens he storms off like a fucking bitch. He doesn’t care about you, Maddy. He just knows you will never leave him.”

“He does care Y/n! He’ll kill for me and I’ll kill for him. You just don’t know what true love looks like because you’ve been treated like shit in all of your relationships!” You knew she didn’t mean that so you just brushed it off.

“You don’t know what you deserve Maddy and when he puts his hands on you, which he will, don’t come crying to me!” You stormed out of her room and she heard the door slam and immediately started crying.

Her mom, who heard the whole thing. Just stared at her. Maddy looked up wondering why her own mother is not comforting her.

“Tienen razón Maddy. Puede parecer amor verdadero, pero es todo menos eso y muy pronto lo verás tal como es.”

(They are right Maddy. It may feel like true love but it’s anything but that and you will see him for who he truly is very soon.)

Then make the worst decisions

She went back to him but you weren’t surprised in any way. She can be stupid if she wants, you stopped caring.

You saw her the Monday after the fair and you guys made eye contact and she looked pale and very tired. She was also dressed in a turtleneck, since when did she wear a turtleneck in hot weather. Then it hit you.

‘I knew it, he fucking choked her.’

Don't bite your lip or grit your teeth

Just count to ten and try to breathe

You stupid bitch, can't you see

The perfect one for you is me?

When you see Maddie having a breakdown in the cafeteria and only Cassie comforting her at school you can tell she needs you. Really bad.

So you go over and just sit down and hug her. No questions asked. And she gladly accepted the hug and just cried into your shoulder.

“It’s alright Mads.”

The perfect one for you is me

The perfect one for you is me

You stupid bitch, can't you see

The perfect one for you is me?

After Maddy had your comfort. She’s been on you like crazy. Trying to kiss you and all. You thought this is what you wanted but not like this. Not after Nate.

“Maddy please. Just chill out.” You said trying to pull her arms off you. and she’s still trying to kiss you and hug you.

“You know your the best ever right? Even better than Nate.”

This is fucking bullshit.

Don't bite your lip or grit your teeth

Just count to ten and try to breathe

You stupid bitch, can't you see

The perfect one for you is me?

Another shitshow with Nate and Maddy. You’re honestly sick of this shit.

You gotta tell her how you feel.

_____

“Maddy I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what?”

“You know what Maddy! This fucking hot and cold shit. I’m done being the therapist.”

“If it was that serious why did you keep doing it?!”

“Because I was in love with you Maddy! I was fucking in love. But now I’m not so?!”

“What do you mean you’re not?”

“I mean I’m not Maddy. Bye.” You walked out and just left her.

You never felt so fucking free.

The perfect one for you is me

The perfect one for you is me

You stupid bitch, can't you see

She just couldn’t see you were perfect for her and will continue to get hurt. But you’re okay with that.

The perfect one for you is me?

An: GOT MY SHIT CHECKED but the spacing looks weird so I don’t know how to fix tht BUT HOPE YOU ENJOYED

[star-dust-shark]

pjo incorrect quotes as things me and people I know have said on crack

Jason: these grapes are funky

Leo: these grapes are fucky

Leo: *drops sandwich, cries*

-

Nico: I will never forget the fact that Piper and I where sitting together with headphones on and she looked up only to see me playing air guitar and head banging to whats my age again

-

Solangelo: *kith*

Will: *walking away with a dorky grin*

Will: *almost gets hit by car*

Will: *gets home and screams into pillow for twenty minutes, then picks up diary and writes like five pages about Nico, then texts him for like an hour and a half and afterwards draydreams about him*

Will: hmm I think I might like Nico

-

Leo: imagine having sex and someone moans like a hentai girl lol

Percy: *moans* KyAAaaaAAHHHhhhhhh

-

Reyna: bro apologized like Colleen Ballinger

Reyna: like fuck off I hope you die

Percy: tOxiC GosSiP tRaiN

Jason: not a groomer

Leo: *hair flip* just a loser

-

Piper: Im horny- I mean horngry- I mean- *cries*

-

Nico: mentally I am a fifty year old man

Will: yeah totally not obvious mister motley crue

-

Leo: jason

Leo: I have something to tell you

Jason: yeah?

Leo: Im gay

Jason: WHAT

Jason: NO WAY THATS CRAZY

-

Annabeth: my wrist hurts

Percy: emooooooooooo

Annabeth: I literally sprained it wtf

-

Hazel: no you cant commit mass genocide Nico

Nico: its pride month this is homophobic

-

Reyna: okay how about we play the quiet game

Reyna: whoever wins gets my two dollars

Reyna: three, two, one, ghost town

Frank:

Leo:

Percy:

Annabeth:

Jason:

Nico:

Leo: *face red, fists clenched, rocking back and forth*

Everyone: *concerned looks*

Leo: I cant- IM A BITCH IM A BOSS IM A BITCH AND A BOSS AND I SHINE LIKE GLOSS

-

Piper: your moms hot

Jason: lol what she ugly asf

-

Will: im concerned with your eating habits, Nico

Nico:

Will: its very serious Im kinda scared

Nico:

Nico: womp womp

-

Jason: would you suck my dick if-

Percy: yes

Jason:

Jason: if there was poison in it and I would die if you didnt

-

Leo: ive learnt something interesting

Leo: my arm skin one day may be cut off and turned into a penis

Leo: therefore...

Leo: *bumps arm into Jason*

Leo: JESUS JASON STOP TOUCHING MY PENIS

Jason: WHAT

-

*talking on tumblr*

Hazel: wyd

Frank: jus on tumblr and talking to you

Hazel: lol nerd imagine

-

Hazel: *bats eyelashes* what does gyat mean

Frank: uhh It means generous young amazing t-

Leo: GORL YA ASS THEEK

-

Rachel: Im so single

Will: skill issue? L ratio? no rizz? no game? no bitches?

-

Percy: I havent taken my meds

Annabeth: oh no good gods

Percy: so that means

Percy: I will either try to kill myself orrrrr

Percy: like violently fuck someone

Jason: I volunteer

Jason: I volunteer as tribute

-

Nico: hey girl *winks* r u a racoon

Nico: bc Im trash

Nico: *bursts into tears*

-

Annabeth: *walks into bathroom, sees spider*

Annabeth: *yelps* oh

Annabeth: hello mister spider

Annabeth: youre not so bad

Spider: *moves*

Annabeth: FUCK NAH PERCY WERE MOVING PACK YO BAGS

-

Jason: *hits knee* oh fuck- my knee-

Leo: okay

Jason: *scared* ur gonna fuck my knee????

-

Thalia: I am now a tree a tree I am a tree is me

-

Nico: im actually kinda insecure about my knees weirdly enough

Will: aww bb :(

Will: well I think you uh

Will: ...have beautiful knees???

-

Nico: *jokingly* I can read your mind

Will: oh no

Will: oh shit

Will: thats not good

Nico: it cant be that bad

Will:

Nico: are these thoughts about me, per chance?

Will: WHAAAAT NOOO *hangs up*

-

Leo: daddy hands, twig nerd bod

-

Leo: im confused why can girls call their friends girlfriends but whenever I call Jason my boytoy twink malewife manwhore someone gets pissed

-

Hazel: yeah, this guys really annoying me

Frank: ugh im gonna fist him

Hazel: ...

Frank: what

Frank: like beat him up?

Hazel:

-

Percy: my friend thinks youre cute

Annabeth: what? who?

Percy: me

Percy: Im the friend

Percy: I think ur cute

-

Nico: so weird when someone comforts you

Nico: like why

Nico: just lemme be a moody emo brooding sad angsty depressed boy for a bit

-

Piper:

Leo:

Piper:

Leo:

Piper:

Leo: *in toad voice* BItCH i SaiD wHaT i sAiD iD rAthEr bE FaMoUs InsTeAd iD LeT aLL Of ThAt GeT To MY heAd I DonT cArE ILL pAinT tHe ToWn ReD

-

Nico: *crafting with scissors*

Percy: *walks in*

Percy: what are you doing

Nico: ...crafting?

Percy: oh okay I thought you where cutting yourself

Nico:

Nico: IM MAKING A HELLO KITTY ART PIECE

-

Leo: *glares*

Frank: *glares back*

Frank and Leo: *glaring at eachother*

Leo: omg I just felt sparks

Frank: DUDE STFU WTF

-

*sees gay porn*

Will: thats it im homophobic

-

Nico: so I wrote this song

Nico: *adjusts mic, positions guitar*

Nico: *deep breath*

Nico: *strums single chord* my whole family died

Nico: thank you, thank you

-

Nico: just realized the only physical contact Ive had in like a whole month was Leo dabbing me up

-

Jason: straights ask why theres no straight pride month but like

Jason: isnt there a toyota month or smth

Jason: id say that works

[citrusinicake]

Day 2 :: Zombie Apocalypse

full text below

do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to be a zombie in this economy? you just go out there trying to have a bite to eat so you go up to some randos and they just start SHOOTING YOU! like straight up just SHOOTING YOU! like what the hell man? i mean i know im trying to rip your brains out and shit but cant you let a guy just fucking eat???? speaking of, this guy's brain tastes weird like im pretty sure its at least fifty percent plastic, maybe even a hundred percent i don't know. was he your boyfriend or something? does this mean you're single? wanna go out sometime? you're annoying as shit but i like that in a man, keeps you on your toes y'know? keeps you humble as well like you just wake up in bed one day and go "oh god this is the guy im dating and i don't even want to break up with him or anything what the hell's wrong with me," which i think is a pretty important thing to have-- at least for me 'cause im awesome as shit and if i don't have that sort of anchor i'll probably lke turn into god or something and i dont wanna be god. not out of self-esteem issues or anything, just out of principle 'cause i think that everyone should have a fair chance at killing me which not gonna lie is pretty easy but that's besides the point, the point is that i think anyone who wants to be god is fucking stupid and should just fucking die. like, hello??? who the hell do you think you are rying to reign above other people? are you stupid? are you dumb? hello? anyways, if you wanna know more about what i think of this i post a lot on r/atheism, im user u/waffleontopp-- wait , do i have to explain reddit to you? 'cause you seem more like a tumblrina to me, honestly reddit's pretty similar to tumblr so you won't have a lot of trouble figuring it out on your own but don't be shocked ifbyou see cock and balls on there since porn isn't banned there unlike tumblr. how's that whole thing treating you by the way? must be tough not seeing some girl's boobs every once in a while-- wait are you gay or bi? must be tough not seeing some guy's boobs every once in a while, that won't be problem if you start dating me though. haha just kidding, my chest is basically concave now after a survivor beat me repeatedly with a baseball bat so ive got like negative double D's now. oh but i do know this one guygirlthing whose boobs are out basically 24/7 who likes to hang out with me and this other guy so maybe that'll make up for it. they're not zombies and im pretty sure they didnt get infected so you don't have to worry about that but they miiiight have rabies or something im not sure to be honest so maybe watch out for that instead. if youre wondering why two non-infected humans are hanging out with a zombie then we're in the same boat, might have something to do with the possible rabies i mentioned earlier. also if they tell you that im their pet zombie that is simply not true, if anything it's the other way around, they're my pet guard dogs and they do basically anything i say even if it kills them. or at least i wish it would kill them, they're way too hardy in my opinion, i need them to die so i can eat their brains-- oh but then i'll have to do manual labor. hmm, on second thought, they can stay actually i don't wanna deal with all that. normally i dont even do my own kills nowadays, i just leave a trap or get the other two to do it for me, you guys just caught me offguard which is lowkey embarassing but trust me i am a huge, like Huge alpha sigma gamma male and would totally dominate everyone else around me. but not in a god way of course, just in a lone sigma alpha gamma wolf kinda way like those anime wolf furry drawings. you know the ones. and like im not a furry but not gonna lie they totally popped off with those

[wickedsick]

Page 1 and we already acknowledge this stuff, let's go. Trans Juiz real?

(also love how fucking around with Apocalypse is a Boss tradition now)

Oh.

...Juiz trans real? Please?

He's the only one who can reach such a desolate, lifeless, horrible place

(I'm British, I can make that joke)

Okay, 13 seats, including Fuuko- this tells us a lot.

Sick was officially an Open quest- Rip wasn't part of the table at that point, and Latla still isn't.

The table evolves at 12 or 13 people- and one of these seats was a reward for Sick's quest.

There's like no way Granpasshin is still in the armor.

Let's go through it.

Burn is back. His reward is based on A Silent Voice.

Summer's reward is too generic for me to pinpoint a specific inspiration - maybe it's a Warhammer, for Harley Quinn?

Both First Ten reward the same thing of two roundtable seats, which is probably what Sick gave, too.

I predicted UMA Beast, but wasn't sure about Language, since Nico soloed Language last loop. I guess this just means either Language doesn't like to fight, or Nico's the fucking greatest.

I'm gonna go with Nico being the greatest.

Given that Summer's here, and Feng still isn't a member, that's gotta be where it happens. Are they gonna give Mui Untruth again?

Oh shit, the big one. How close are we to Ragnarök? It's gotta be pretty close. Anyway, Summer is a capture, so this is manageable. Wait, no, we killed Autumn earlier. What?

The meta pick. But also, Nico could take down a First Ten by himself.

THE BOOK HAS FEELINGS! FUCK YEAH!

Apocalypse is the Heart stocks going up!

The fact that everyone fucking adores Juiz is so good.

Fuuko's pose there is just like Gina pre-phil being gay about Fuuko- Fuuko bisexual real?

Also she's literally blushing.

I was about to say Gina is crying over Fuuko loving Juiz so much but then I noticed Sean fucking stole a bite out of her cupcake. Menace.

Julia U. Stitia is a good name.

[cocogum]

Let’s TALK about episodes 9 and 10 people… (part 1)

PART 2 : HERE

(‼️SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4‼️)

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If you thought episodes 7 and 8 had so much to talk about (cuz I sure did), then episodes 9 and 10 destroyed my mind.

….

I am so tired.

We begin with a small recap of what happened last episode and it’s honestly very nice and heartwarming of Ankama to remind us that Yugo will get his ass handed to him in a few minutes.

BRO LOOK AT HOW THEY’RE DRAGGING HIM ON THE DIRTY FLOOR LIKE THAT!!

The level of disrespect these thirsty hoes have for him is immeasurable. Even if Yugo’s not a kid, the fact that the necromes didn’t hesitate to tie him up like that and sacrifice him like a lamb is jaw-dropping. It really makes you understand that they don’t give a shit if you’re an actual kid, they will hang you up like a roast beef for dinner.

Bro’s asking as if he just got here.

Also, how do you think that fall must’ve felt like? Cuz when Toross yeets him, Yugo takes a massive fall only to get his body slammed into the pavement when he gets tied up.

He gets to fall even faster because of the stasis ropes pulling him down too.

You can even hear the loud slam when he hits it. That must’ve hurt like a bitch.

Btw I love how even after all that, Adamaï and Amalia still don’t trust Qilby even when he saved them from the necrome world.

Adamaï thinks he was an idiot for not using the eliatrope Dofus and…he’s right? Cuz my guy…ur scared of ruining things if you use the dofus but what are you gonna ruin in a place WHERE THERE’S NO WAKFU????

Sometimes I can’t tell whether or not that guy’s okay in his head. Like is he blind or something? You can clearly tell that the necrome world is completely deserted and has no actual life, Amalia even CONFIRMS IT for you, Toross is literally using his dofus in his world of nothing, AND it’s also literally known as the gods’ garbage bin.

No wonder you get slapped around so much, you’re stupider than Yugo!!

I never in my life thought that I’d eventually get to see Qilby booping Amalia’s nose.

And I don’t know if I should like it or if I should fear it.

Man literally booped her as if she was a kid. But then again, he IS a millennial years old so it would explain why he’d treat her like a fetus.

In a way, he really CAN see her as a kid who doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about.

But like-

I never imagined this happening???? Not even in a trillion chances 😀😀

BUT WHAT CONFUSES ME EVEN MORE IS THIS :

I get that Amalia annoyed him when she said he STILL couldn’t be trusted but what do you mean by “artificial”??? I’m still confused about that.

MY QUEEN NORA AND HER GAY ASS IS BACK WITH HER SHENANIGANS GURL WE SEE U !!

You can’t tell me this scene ain’t gay 😭😭

The way she grabbed her was so sudden, it made my heart jump!! And Amalia just goes with it like a damsel in distress being protected by her knight 🥰🥰 My noramalia senses detected that shit from a mile away, you ain’t getting away!!!

That torture scene tho should’ve taken longer ngl. But Okoo being the kid that they are decided “hell nah”. It’s still a shame really but at least we got what we needed.

Also, lemme just say something about this torture scene real quick.

Not only does Yugo get sucked the living out of him, but he just got BODY SLAMMED FROM AT LEAST 290 FEET on LITERAL PAVEMENT so now his back is completely obliterated, he keeps CONVULSING, TWITCHING, and GETS HIS BONES BREAKING TO GROW LONGER ONES-

He’s feeling all that WHILE getting sucked to death. My god. I wanted to see more of that.

The only reason why he didn’t turn out ballistic was cuz Oropo was keeping him busy in his head. He literally told him that he’ll make him fight just to not think about it.

And even though Oropo does hate him (but calmed down a bit once he reunited with Yugo), he told him that even he doesn’t deserve all of this. Can you imagine the one who caused so many calamities and was ready to kill the gods because he hates you telling you that even you don’t deserve this?? It just shows how kinky this Toross guy is.

[camelspit]

PICK THE WOMAN THAT YOU WANT ELIMINATED!!

Tinker by @thefoxysnake

Umber by @chronically-ill-psionipath

Master Cadence by @tw-5

Note! Definition of a sexywoman:

According to the sexywomanpedia, a sexywoman is "a character who shows the 'lanky suitman villain' tropes, is popular with wlw, and/or is highly divisive." Some factors to consider are morality (or lack thereof), overall mysteriousness, and strength (physical or abilitywise.)

Propaganda:

Tinker:

"she's trans! she's autistic! she's a mad scientist! she's everything you could possibly want in a woman!!!!!" @gay-otlc

"shes a mad genius she built a mad science castle she invented steampunk literally why would you not love her" @necromycologist

Umber:

"Shes an evil hot powerful shade that got killed in the book she got introduced in what more could you want" @thefoxysnake

"Umber (Redacted) is one of the women in the series that isn’t JUST psychological manipulator! She also fought! She broke bones (if I remembered correctly) and messes with everyone’s minds without even revealing her true name! She has a boyfriend! A BOYFRIEND. TRIX. She went through something ‘the incident’ (mentioned in the latest book) and joined the Neverseen! She got Trix, her Pookie to be in the Neverseen as well 🥺. You can tell she was also a good lover how Trix was so sad over her death. KEEP IN MIND SHE DIED BEING CRUSHED, so for those who likes angst; there you go. She died in her mission. She was Tam’s mentor and an EXCELLENT fighter if I do say so myself. Who wouldn’t vote Umber? A girlboss with a sweet boyfriend and has murderous tendencies? 😔🎉 Vote for Umber PLEASE! I’M BEGGING YOU! PLSPLSPLSPLS 😭😭" @chronically-ill-psionipath

Master Cadence:

"she’s a linguist. she’s a woman in stem. she’s tired of everyone’s bullshit. she’s fruity as hell. her house is cool as fuck (a howls moving castle style boat-thing made of metal that she built herself because she didn’t want to live in the elven cities???? come on). she’s a MASTER. what more could you want." @let-them-sing-of-others

"she’s an academic. shes smarter than u. she hates on the council and she’s RIGHT. she hates sophie actually you know what she has a hater complex but in a hot way. i love her yr honour." @necromycologist

"she spent YEARS researching on ogres and their culture. idk about you, but i would try keeping her in my good graces because she KNOWS ABOUT DEADLY POISON. WHY ARE PEOPLE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS. I WOULD SHIT MYSELF IF I CAME ACROSS HER IN REAL LIFE EVEN IF IT WAS IN A GROCERY STORE ON A RANDOM TUESDAY AND SHE WAS BUYING OREOS. FOR ALL WE KNOW, SHE COULD HAVE LOADS OF THAT IN HER HOUSE/ON HER PERSON!!" @corruption-exe

"ok not to be a lesbian or horny on main (<- ace) but HOLY SHIT i want her to step on me. this lady has intensified my sexuality crisis" (anonymous)