#can y’all guess who the next person/sin is?

[buthowboutno]

ONE YEAR OF "AND THEY WERE LAB PARTNERS" ✨✨✨

Thank you to everyone who participated in the one year anniversary poll!! I still maintain that it would be funny as /fuck/ to just delete “And They Were Lab Partners” in a memento mori fashion, but alas; Only one person voted for it.

Cowards /j

In any case, the majority voted for the behind the scenes stuff, so here we are! The tidbits of how ATWLP turned into the fucking beast it is.

I would like to personally blame @morning-sun-brah , @hitechlatte, and @ordin-arily for being such big inspirations in this corner of the fandom. You guys are amazing and I probably wouldn't be where I am today without your works.

Shout out to all my losers in the backrooms for keeping me going and being such terrible influences. You are all responsible for the horrors that have been unleashed. A solid third of my content exists because of your sins /aff. 

@beckerboopin is the best beta anyone could ask for and has only brought this story up to the next level. I would die for you becks <3

Also @betyoudidntcthatcoming-blog is the love of my life that I only met ‘cause of this fic or whatever. They’re pretty neat. I guess. :p

ANYWAYS, /CONTENT/

(Major Spoilers Ahead Pre-Chapter 23)

—

I would like to remind everyone that ATWLP was only supposed to be 50k words. You can still witness my naivety in the notes of “Pudge ‘Preciation.” 

How… simple those times were. 

How I so firmly believed the idiots would be kissing by chapter 16. How a projected word count of 150k words seemed unfathomable for a single work, much less a work with multiple published and planned companion pieces.

Crazy. (I was crazy once.)

There was a lot of ATWLP that ended up getting scrapped as I got further into the story. The idiots had a lot of opinions and tugged at me a few different ways as I got to know them better. (aka they wouldn’t listen to me when I told them to fucking kiss already.)

Anyways, some of the few major structural changes:

Casey was originally supposed to reveal that he knew Sweet’s in the bad timeline during the “Intro to Sparring” chapter. That chapter was also originally slotted to happen /before/ the kidnapping debacle, but it just so happened to fit in better later

The stage kiss from “Hit the Club” was going to be in the Nerd Prom chapter. It felt too corny at the time (and lowkey still feels corny) so I put that in my pocket for later. For as much as y’all yelled at me for it, it barely made the final cut lmao.

The way the idiots are going to confess to each other is a COMPLETE 180 from how I planned the story from the beginning, which was already entirely different from the first idea for this fic. I wrote a whole ass chapter about an accidental kiss being the tipping point of them positively macking on each other, which I did end up cutting into convenient pieces for other stuff. (I PUT A PART OF IT DOWN BELOW)

Sweets was going to be kidnapped twice and the whole Purple Dragons debacle was going to be drawn out more. There was a lot more action planned than slice of life content at ATWLP’s conception. For better or for worse, this is where the story led us.

Donnie’s mating season wasn’t going to be as involved in the story, if in it at all. I grew to be hornier and less ashamed. You’re welcome.

The first title for this fic was “Lab Rat: a Story of Nerds Falling in Love.” For the life of me I cannot remember what compelled me to change it, but holy shit am I glad I did.

I was going to use (y/n) in this fic. No hate to those who do, but stylistically I’m pretty happy with not doing that.

And because I have no control over the idiots, quick rundown of the chapters that weren’t supposed to happen.

Kart Conflict

The Christmas Issue

The Recovery: Day Two 

Valentine’s Day Episode

Hit the Club

Aquarium? Hardly Know ‘Em

****Pool Excursion

****Beach Episodes

****honestly just like the entire endgame of this fic

All the ficlets/ alternate POV’s

All the smut! I still have it written down in my original notes that ATWLP was gonna be completely PG lmao. Once again y’all have @morning-sun-brah and her fucking fabulous fics to blame for that

The Valentines’ and aquarium chapters are COMPLETELY different than how I had originally planned, even with being forced to include them in my chart. The Valentine’s day plans that the brothers had “ditched” with Sweets was the og plot for the chapter. The aquarium chapter was supposed to be a rooftop picnic with feels~~, no aquarium even fucking mentioned in my outline.

I don’t have much control over what happens tbh. I am praying that the 37 planned chapters will be the final chapters. 

We’ll…. we’ll just have to see how that turns out.

The scrapped plots as a little treat for y’all <3 ~~~

Cut Stage Kiss (after the lift in Nerd Prom)

You leaned closer to Donnie’s face, intent on screeching in his ear for pulling that stunt.

“Kiss them already!” May yelled from the inner edge of the crowd. You turned bright red, blinking at her. You shook your head at her, but the crowd started to catch onto the idea. 

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!”

Donnie laughed, a little incredulous. He leaned in close to your ear, whispering, “Theatre kid protocol?”

You nodded in agreement, allowing him to put a hand to your face. He leans into your mouth, making the crowd go wild. You giggle against the thumb separating your lips, smiling against it. Donnie pulled away from you with a dramatic ‘mwah’. You threw your head back, fully laughing as Donnie lifted you up from the dip. 

First Valentine’s Day Outline

The final four move to the living room

Sweets: “We’re making friendship bracelets while we watch the most romantic movie of all time.”

Raph: “Shrek 2!”

Donnie: “This is ridiculous”

Sweets: “This holiday is ridiculous, now pick out your five favourite colors of embroidery floss”

Donnie: “....Fine."

Donnie is actually terrible at making bracelets lmao while mikey has wristfuls of them

Donnie: “I don’t understand! I’m following the blueprints exactly!”

Mikey: “The... instructions?”

Donnie: “Whatever! How are you making those so fast? You don’t even have that many friends!”

Mikey: “Physical therapy is a hell of a time, my brother.”

Sweets: “Is Donnie being ableist again?”

Mikey: “I do believe he is.”

Donnie: “I am autistic!”

Sweets: “Bless you.”

ORIGINAL CONFESSION

And it all starts like most things in your life do: a silly mistake.

“Donnie,” you whined. You were working on your physics homework at his desk while he was soldering a new motherboard for the Turtle Tank’s controls.

“Little pest,” he mimicked your tone without looking up. He kept on soldering as you stared at him, not a care in the world. 

“Would you be so kind as to look over my work for this problem? I’m following the steps but I’m not getting the right answer.”

“Mmm,” Donnie said. At that moment, a spark flew from his project and caught his exposed cheek. He flinched back, dropping his wire and soldering rod on the table and rubbing his face. You batted your eyes at him while he scowled. 

“I don’t know how, but I blame you for that.”

“I would *never*,” you teased. You pushed your chair to the side a bit so Donnie could stand next to you. 

He moved his goggles to his head and put his left arm over the back of your chair, leaning over you. He parsed through your work for a minute and tilted his head down to tell you what you needed to fix.

It just so happened that you tilted your head up to ask him a question at the same time, the two of you meeting in the middle with a kiss. 

Well, it wasn’t so much of a kiss as it was the two of you accidentally brushing your lips together for a moment. Seconds, almost nothing at all. 

But the way that Donnie looked at you when the two of you jumped apart…

That…that wasn’t nothing. 

You could almost laugh at the ridiculousness of this situation. You could’ve cracked a joke, played up your ridiculous game of pet names and intellectual bravado. 

(To be honest, you almost did.)

But then you thought about the way Donnie’s lips felt against yours. You thought about the way you’d dream of that moment and then proceed to do everything in your power to banish those thoughts away. Your mouth hung open slightly as you looked up at him, trying to will yourself to do anything, anything at all.

Donnie ended up making that decision for you. That oh, so familiar churring started emanating from his chest. He took your face in his hands, looking into your eyes for just a hint of confirmation before leaning in for a real kiss.

Oh.

*Oh*.

(Yeah, you could get used to this.)

There was nothing more you could do than press yourself against him, against his touch. You felt him smiling into the kiss, pressing you down into the chair. 

Donnie was *everywhere*, like he was trying to encompass you. His hand moved to your hair, the other to your hip. You smiled when you remembered his adoration for your love-handles all that time ago. You traced along his plastron, making nonsense shapes and mapping out every scar.

He was so responsive. The chirring increased tenfold for every touch to his chest, every soft bite you gave his lips. You recalled all the times he would make noises from you touching along his shell. You pressed your hands fully against him, doing your best to draw out more and more of those sounds.

What Donnie lacked in experience he made up for in enthusiasm. He followed your lead, matching your pace every step of the way. You licked along the seam of his lips, gasping as his mouth opened for you. Donnie’s tongue against yours was tentative, shy even. You did everything in your power to ease Donnie into deepening the kiss. 

When he moved from your lips and started kissing down your throat, your soul could have left your body right there. He was so…*gentle*. 

Donnie always has been. From when he was slinging his arms around you to kicking your ass in sparring, Donnie has never failed to treat you with care and reverence. 

You feel it now, with every soft bite he gives you, every gentle peck behind your ear.

Donnie pulled away from you after what felt like decades. (Never enough, it would never be enough.) You leaned forward after him, trying to close the space he was creating. He looked bashful.

“This might be the proper time to tell you that I have a massive crush on you,” Donnie said. His face was fraught with nervous determination. 

“Yeah, no fucking shit,” you said. You stood up from the chair and used your body to push Donnie against the desk. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him down to your height.

“I’ve been wanting to kiss you for forever, can we get on with it?” you said, looking into his eyes. Donnie turned bright red.

“But– you? Do you?” Donnie stammered a bit.

“Donnie,” you deadpanned, crowding into his space, “I’ve had a crush on you for a year, thanks for noticing. Will you *please* lean your face down a bit so I can reach it?” 

Donnie looked at you a bit incredulously, like you were a problem he didn’t know how to solve yet. He made quite a picture, all red faced and calculating with a dumb half-smile while he looked at you. But, giving in, he put his arms around you and leaned in to kiss you again.

“Aye, aye, captain.”

You smiled into the kiss, humming with contentment.

He likes you.

He likes you.

—

Aaaaand some random headcanons because I love you guys and I am truly so thankful to this kickass community <3 I truly do not know where I would be without the support y’all have given me.

Donnie has a hella oral fixation

NOT IN A KINKY WAY (most of the time) But as an autist, Donnie do be biting

One of his biggest shows of trust if he bites you while just chilling

Like if donnie is big spoon, he just nom on a shoulder and stay there chillin

Or if reader is body pillow, he’ll lean around and bite their bicep

Good sensations

Donnie draws on eyebrows every day, he for sure would be very good at doing intricate makeup on reader

Gently holds their chin up, concentrated as hell while reader blushes like mad

Donnie keeps getting banned off of roblox

Didn’t matter tbh, he knew how to hack into it to get his account reinstated

Also makes money off of roblox??

never explains to Sweets, very suspicious

Sweets likes to kiss along donnie’s neck/where his battle shell usually sits

The word here is reverence

Donnie is egotistical, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have insecurities about being a mutant turtle and you being a human

Lots of tracing along his arms, his face, his shell

Donnie likes his coffee to be half coffee, half milk to cut down on bitterness. Sweets is a tea drinker normally, but opts for coffee when they can’t focus (which ends up being most of the semester).

Sweets drinks black coffee when they’re on the struggle bus

To quote them, “Black coffee can’t hurt me more than Calc II already has”

But they prefer two creamers and two sugars when they have it in their dorm.

That’s all, congrats on making it to the bottom of this long ass post lmao <3

[solardick]

What i like about wearing a vidible crusifix, in this evil dominant country. Is the look on peoples faces when they intantly recognize that they’re beign sinful.

Or you got thenpther people whom take pride in being cuntz. Is the loathing on their faces. Well y’all like your vedio games and your phones. You can thank god for that. And the “patriarchy” which inverntes technology.

I can go on a big long rant about femmes and thr moon. But i wont. Cause you know im tight.

Or sum bs. Hooky tomorow. Aint risking it.

Hope this ass thing they engennered on me. Goes away. Wonder whats next.

Tried rubbing one out with this feeling. Came instantly. No relax, no chill, no pleasure. Go see a third. Wonder if im going to be able to underdatnd what they’re saying this time. But, theres no need for comunication. So they’ll definatally will speak my tongue. Fuckem jamie the worst ine of the family. Spychotic tard. Womder if he’s tried to kill

Anyone recently.

Fuck theyre a bunch if fucktards. Fucken children. Wish i like fucking with people too. Maybe i can fallow them home and stalk them from outside the widow till i catch them doing somethingembarassig. And then rub it in the next day. Like they do. Why sid they wait so long before getting lazy in fucking with me? Not even original. Its the same bs my family sis to me all therouhh childhood. The same shit thwy did to me in school. I just report facts. Its like im 8 again. Or just learning to walk. With inparwnting death traps left laying around. Where the same treatment for all the positive stuff? Oh yeah. Its diesnt happen that way. Peiple only care about the negatives.

Well time to go check the mailbox and donate atleast 200$ to charity today. Will i get rewarded for that? No. Everything ive ever cared about has been being murdered since childhood. By stuid gfucktards playninh stupid. So they font have to try very hard. At least pudgy batman showed me an once of resistance when i first got there. So he has some measure of a soul. Grateful for that. But save for talking about hay shit the other day whole making a noose and raising it above his head to be as visible as possible. But after 30 years if this shit. Its imposible to keep down. But nate. Is peobably the noggist peive of shit there. So much so that god interveen and warned me about him. But, because im such a good person. I gave him a try anyway. Several chances but, all he fid was fuck around. So now. Im just going to tell him to shut the fuck up or to fuck off. Everytime i see him.

Guess i kust have to keep going u til they tire out and semd someone new.

Cant afford to give up

My only source of authentic communication. Even if its only this. The only thing thats kept me going these last 8-10 years. Windernif the have another desease to give me. At least im still obstinate. While being aexually harrased by fuck e retards. Come swith losing tour virginity in childhood and doing something stupid with it. While being chemically imbalanced with the onset of puberty. And environemntal violence, bad idols and unmonitored “subpervission” which is the whole point have havign a fucken baby. Oh well and sharing a bedroom with a spychotic older brother with murderous rage. And an alchoholic drug addled other brother. Who kept trying to convince you tondo stupid things. While given cigareets and drugs to a teenager. In fact if you combine nate and pudgy batman you have an exact replica of my fatger and his parenting. Nothign but curses and swearing and that narcisist holier than thou bs that bate gives. Well add in a little bit of my brother jamie in there. My korher wanted a girl so bad that she named her next two sons woth girl names. I literally dont know anythign better.

At least by doing this i have some sense of control o er other people fucking with me. But it be nice to have a pet or something a cat or as art bird. Save that someone will

Probably kill it like every pet ive had. But its bad enough tgat im not alloed having a coherent conversation with a doctor. But ohh well.

Ca t wait till i grt a couple boyfriends and spend the rest of my life in pure bliss. A gay gouole lookign for a queer.

Personally. Authletes arent worth that much money. Insyead of multiple millions a year. How about they make. Maybe a hundred grand a year. And all the other profit goes straight to infastucture or health care. But., nope. Some asshole gets paid too kuch money.

Unfortunatly. I could t find the last 50$ bill on my floor somewhere. Proabbaly undwr all that trash. So the children. Will have to make die with a 150$ today.

Anyway i lwanred that a mytual reception between jupiter and uranus in awua and sag means criminal imderworld.

Crows just told me they are toaking smack about me at work right now. I even asked them. And they got

More vocal

There we go. Got a receit and everything.

Yesterday nate was like hey man. And i was like fuck off. And he was like hahhahahah. Comes back later. Are you bored? Fucknoff nate. Hahahahahah laughs again. Stands theres. What the fuck did i just say?! And he was like, Fuck off. And leaves. It was great. While they were teying to piss me off with keagan being absent half the day and then tony comes up to rub it in.hwy wheres tour partner? They all suck. I dont know how people live like that. I was raiswd by those eople and i syill dont get it.

I y’all stalk ny profile and knownits me and use it agaisnt me. Then why show any respect or sparebyour names? Im getting fucked either way.

Yeah… it gets too much fir me too. Want to close it all down again. Notjing to do. And the i have zero social energy going into anything.

Well its time to go see what cruel and unusual punishment they have for me today. Do what they always do elevate the pressure of my responsibities at the same time they elevate the pressure in social relations. Stress me out as much as possible while playing another side game. Abuse me into another state of belligerence and then try Nd make me feel likes its my fault even though i don’t know whats going on. Righy now its what they are doing slowly adding in has much bs as they can while blaming it on an outside factor in which i should be routing for. Or some shit. Or maybe another girl to harrase me and ehen i ask her to stop in the my friendly esy possible i get framed for harrasment. Or some shit.

Teying to find an actuall himan being on this life line i was given. Seems an imposibility. 39 years later the world is still a threat to me. Womder what lifenis like. Noy being victimized.in a world that preaches peace, love and security. I have still left without experiencing any of it. Only its opposite. Nothing but threats.

Iys just like childhood and school. Singled out serrounded by assholes. Criminals, bigots, druggies, alcoholics, and pervs.

I guess ill never know who i am without all these fucken cockskrs ruinign ymmlife.

Bathan alm ost went to the hospital. Today. Inatigation.. ive never seen red before.

God was right. Always is. At keast ingave bc donethin in to be gratefu l for. Q

I almost pulled a jamie. Went full psychotic with a a hand held weapon. But, i cant be any more jamie than that fucktard. Playign stupid everyday. Isnt that draining? Jesus.

Promised myself i would never hurt another hum a being. But y’all

Make that very difficult. And indotn eant to be there anymore anyway. And have to be subjected to all that stupid bs. Wveryday.

Moral of that story. Dont eat ten bags of low fat popcorn over a period of three days.

[isbus]

The Sinful Affection

Chapter 5: The DJ is Crying for Help

LAST TIME ON-

Just kidding! This is not a drama TV series- in fact- this isn’t a TV show to begin with! So no recaps necessary, right? Since you are aware of your current situation, it’s time to walk with them. You were confused as to why the narrator is talking about random things instead of what was happening, but the narrator decides to stop.

You looked around as you walked, watching the people that headed in the same direction as your group. When seeing characters with object heads and more demonesque characters. Before you could get lost in the sights, a limousine nearly drove by. Once the driver noticed us, the limo stopped and the driver’s window opened.

“Need a ride, devilish creatures?” A girl with a sucker for a head began asking and talking. “Ya see; my family got invited to this ball, they bought this limo, then they all got sick! So I thought about how big a waste this would be and began searching for some peeps to drive to Dev’s castle!” Her mouth looked as if it shouldn’t be there and she spoke like a true Jersey girl. It was kind of cool.

Luke smiled. “Ah, a blessing from the Devil himself.” He put his hand on his chin. “So how much for a ride?”

“How much?! Well I WOULD have a debt on your head, but I think I should be nice. It’s not like you're asking for a fav on Bianca’s Birthday.” She laughed. Everyone began laughing, except for you. You were about to ask who Bianca was. “Hey, who’s she?” The sucker head turns.

Like a person in front of a dinosaur from a movie*, you were frozen in fear. She sounded angry, as if she might bust your kneecaps. “Her name is [Y/N]. She’s new here..” Luke steps over to you and holds your shoulders. His scent- candles and cologne- rubbed off on you while drawing you closer. It was as if he wanted you by his side.

“Hmm.. Well I like her! She ain’t afraid of Mob Daughters, like some of y’all..!” She laughs. Everyone laughs again. “See what I mean?”

Bertram cocks his head. “To be fair, you are the daughter of the most powerful mafia in the city.” Did he actually speak? You thought he was the type to not say anything towards her, but he actually said it. Honestly, you thought if anyone said something, it would be Samuel. In reality, Samuel either didn’t care, or he was mad at his clothes.

“Someone’s got a mouth.. Y’know I don’t have to let you ride! I could just leave you out and make it worse than just leaving out one!” The way she worded it was confusing at first, but you thought about the words then remembered Vaughn.

Bertram started dozing off. “Don’t mind him!” Alfonse exclaimed. “He’s always been a little..”

“Oh.. I got ya. He’s the ‘just-turned-thirteen’ type.” The girl waved us in. “Well, get in! We’re gonna be late if we keep this up!” Right. That’s what these chapters have been about. Everyone rushes to the vehicle, Luke opens the door, and ushers you in.

It’s nice to have someone like him. A lot of people are like him, but some you don’t know much about. In fact, the only people in the group that you really haven’t talked to much are Alfonse, Ben, and Bertram. You hoped to talk to them more. But you couldn’t stop and think; you had to get in the car before Samuel’s patience dwindled!

You entered the vehicle, taking a seat and taking a breath. “Can I sit by [Y/N]?” Alfonse chirps.

“Sure, Alfonse. Just make sure she’s in the middle, because I would like to sit next to her as well.” Luke says. It almost sounded romantic. But that’s probably just your imagination.

Alfonse chuckles. “That sounds like you want to steal her away..” He pauses. “AHA! You do, don’t you?!” The pink haired one laughs.

“N-No..” Luke somehow sounded embarrassed.

“Don’t lie! I can see the truth!”

“I guess [Y/N] will sit in the corner and I’ll take the middle!” Luke begins entering the limousine.

Alfonse gasps. “Haven’t you heard about ‘ladies first’?!” Alfonse enters after Luke. “[Y/N], sit away from him! If you do, I'll give you a reward~” He purrs.

“A reward? He just wants to fuck you and leave you in your lonesome until he feels lustful!” Luke spat.

“STOP BICKERING AND SIT DOWN!” Samuel shouts at the two. “AND YOU FOUR, GET IN THE DAMN CAR!” Samuel gets in and sits down. Levi enters after Samuel, then Ben, then Matt, then Bertram. Samuel curses after Bertram shuts the door.

The girl claps. “Thank you, Sam! Now let’s get this show on the road..” Everyone took their seat, sitting in a rainbow formation. Samuel, Luke, Matt, Levi, Bertram, Ben, Alfonse, then you. “How colorful. Well! Next stop: Dev’s Castle!”

The engine revved, and the limo moved as we all sat in silence. Everyone did their own thing in silence.. Very awkward silence. Luke gave an aura of worry as he looked down. Sometimes he looks over at Alfonse, but then he looks down again. You had felt something was wrong, but if you asked, that something would get worse. There’s a crack in the glass of happiness and touching it would shatter the glass.

“Yeesh. Y’all mind if I put on some music? Good.” The girl doesn’t even wait for a response. She puts on some pop music. It was hard to hear the lyrics, but the vibe feels like a rave. Sounds like a motherfuckin’ club yo.

Despite the limo moving forward, it felt like we were stuck. It’s hard to say how. Even though the sucker-head was cursing at vehicles, we were stuck in silence. No one perked up to chat, or smile at someone. It was so weird, Bertram wasn’t even napping! But, before I could worry more, the limo stopped.

The girl looked back at us. “We’ve arrived at our destination! Now, get out! Me and Bianca will make our exit after you guys. Wouldn’t want them to get it twisted.”

Luke inhaled, then let it out once he opened the door. Lights immediately panned on him. “Looks like the special guests have arrived! First appears to be Luke!” An announcer guy exclaims. Once Luke steps out, he waves at the crowd. “What a charmer!”

Matt exits next, smiling and waving like those penguins from that movie*. “Next is Matt! Lookin’ good there bud!” Matt smiles wider when hearing that, then gives his thanks. Levi leaves the vehicle next. “Levi! I never expected him to look that good in a skirt!” Levi blushes.

“Samuel! Who would’ve thought he would look great in military lolita fashion?” Samuel facepalms. “Alfonse looks great either way. Ben, making a grape impression! Get it? Cause he has grapes on his dress?” Ben laughs heartily.

“We’re closing in.. Bertram! Number seven and looking like a ten! Vau- Nope, it’s [Y/N]!” You wave at the crowd, who immediately started taking pictures of all of you together. “Now, Vaughn! Wait… did she just shut the door on him?” You shut the door by accident.

Luke shakes his head. “Oh. OH! False alarm! Vaughn’s not here!” The limo drives away, leaving you and the group on this red carpet over some stairs. The group begins walking towards the castle, so you follow behind.

The announcer keeps doing his job as more people arrive. He said important names like Lolita, Amanda, Freyr, Xena, Victor, Pierce, and more. So many more.. As you followed behind, you kept watching the crowd and such while they took pictures of the group. They seemed to enjoy taking pictures of the group, but a LOT of denizens were taking pictures of you. Sometimes you would hear gasps from the crowd when you passed by.

After a lot of stairs and a lot of stares, you finally made it to the doors leading to the castle. The doors opened, but you couldn’t see the inside behind SEVEN FUCKING GUYS. So as they got greeted by the bouncer (you assumed), you took a few breaths to relax yourself.

“Luke Cyfer, Matt Mon, Levi Thann, Samuel Tin, Alfonse Deux, Ben Bubs, Bertram Guro, and [Y/N]...” You heard Atlante list off you and your friends’ names. “Where’s Vaughn Naty?”

“He told us that he didn’t want anyone to see his gorgeous face except for him.” Levi fibbed. “Can we come in now? We’re holding the line.”

Atlante hums. “That’s your choice to make, not mine.” Luke walks in with everyone following once again.

Once we entered, Luke went over to one side and cleared his throat for us to come closer. “I’m not saying ‘go crazy’ but don’t hesitate to take your chance. BEFORE YOU GO THOUGH; Matt- no pickpocketing. Levi- you’re good. Samuel- try to keep your cool. Alfonse- don’t make me repeat what I said to you last time when you tried to flirt with that ONE CHICK. Ben- go easy on the buffet table. And Bertram!” Everyone nodded or made a noise to show they understood. “Bertram- go find a place to nap, you need some rest after nearly making us lose our ride.”

Bertram blinked slowly. “Can’t I just nap on you?”

“Haha! No.” He stared down Bertram to make sure he understood. “Are we good? Good. Now, let’s party like it’s Dev’s birthday party!”

As soon as Luke said that, everyone went their separate ways. “Luke?” Before Luke could get too far, you called out his name. “What should I do?”

“Whatever you want, dear [Y/N].”

“Oh! And Luke!” You catch him once again. “Relax a bit, okay?”

He blushes, making you feel like you just hit his heart. His slightly shocked expression relaxes- just as you told him to. “Th-Thank you, [Y/N].” He clears his throat again after his stutter session. If you thought him being worried or him honestly smiling was rare, you should know that THIS was less common than those two things. He didn’t seem like the type to be embarrassed, he was more like the type to get others embarrassed.

Luke walks away to do.. Whatever he’s going to do. You felt a person tap your shoulder. “Ahem.. Miss [Y/N].” Looking behind you it was just Sir Lucien.

“What’s up, Sir Lucien?”

“Just ‘Lucien’ is fine.” He bows. “Our lord Dev Vil wishes to see you.” You were stunned to hear it.

Dev, the fucking king of Hell, wanted to see you?! “What did I do?” You asked with a scared tone.

“Honestly, I don’t know myself. But I’m sure you're safe from his wrath.” He put his arm out for you to take. You didn’t want to do it, but you did it anyway… You held his arm as he led you towards the stairs.

You could hear whispering from the crowd. You couldn’t hear exactly what they were saying, but you could imagine what they were saying. ‘Oh my god, Sir Lucien got a girlfriend’ or something like that. Now that you thought of that you blushed, realizing that what he said might be a lie.

Oh no. That’s all you could think. Oh no, they’re staring at us. Oh no, they’re whispering about us. Oh no, he’s going to show me the tops*.

You were getting more anxious with each step. When we got to a place away from the eyes of many, you saw a sign that said ‘Dev’s office’. Maybe he was telling the truth. One way to find out…

“So.. are you single?” You tried saying nonchalantly. He heard that and looked down at you. Lucien looked like an elephant that just heard a bee.

“What..?”

“Do you have a girlfriend or something?” You continue the conversation as normally as possible.

“I’m sorry to break it to you, but I’m gay. No hard feelings-”

Now you were the elephant that just heard a bee. “NO! I was just curious. I didn’t mean it like that!”

“No worries. You don’t have to lie to fight off those feelings. I understand.” He waves his hand softly at you. You wanted to say something else, but you knew it would be like talking to a brick wall. So you continued in awkward silence.

…

Because of the lack of talking, you could hear footsteps and the lightbulbs. It sure was annoying, but what could you say? ‘You come here often?’ Of fucking course he does. Besides, he would probably take that as flirting anyway. “We’re here. I’ll tell him before you can come in.”

“Thanks-”

“If you want to date someone so bad, Dev is always open. Besides, he wants a new girlfriend anyway.” You nearly vomited in your mouth. He knocks on the door. “Dev, [Y/N] is here.”

You could hear his muffled voice from inside. “Well, what are you waiting for? Let her in!”

But before you could walk in, the screen turned to black and white text appeared. It said..

TO BE CONTINUED!

Of fucking course. Fuck my life.

~ End Scene ~

* The Motherfuckin' Club Yo is a club from The City.

* Just smile and wave boys, smile and wave.

* For you, @t3chn1c0l0r , a Fallout: New Vegas reference.

[ptergwen]

written in the stars

w/c: 2.7k

warnings: jus (lots of) making out

summary: using your newly acquired knowledge of astrology, you test your compatibility with tom

a/n: i was planning on making this a little blurb for y’all but then i got really into it and here we are lmfhfksjks i promise you don’t have to know anything about astrology or birth charts to enjoy cuz i broke it all down + it’s not the main focus of the fic anyways! this is mostly a day in the life with tommy boy and i hope you like it as much as i do :,) also some of this might be wrong.. i’m not an expert so yeah

•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

“right, so how does this work again?” tom watches your laptop screen with curious eyes.

you’ve been getting into astrology lately, and whatever you care about, so does he. that’s why you’re currently laid across your bed in sweats while you teach him everything you know. but first, you’ll need to do his birth chart. it’s the pinnacle of everything.

“you just have to tell me what time you were born, then it does the rest for me,” you grin, typing in the name of the website. you’d had to do some research to find a reliable one. “that’s it? you don’t need, like, my birthday or something?” tom quirks an eyebrow at the chart generator.

“i already know your birthday, babes.” you laugh softly and let your head fall onto his shoulder. “you crazy gemini.” “‘m not crazy.” he smiles despite himself, leaning his head on yours. “just got a big personality, innit? charming, clever, lots of energy,” he lists off the characteristics of his sign, which you just taught him. that lights up your whole face.

“definitely not cocky,” you deadpan, tom scrunching his nose in response. “look at you, remembering all that. you really are clever.” “well, it’s interesting.” he drapes an arm around you, fingers running up and down your side. “i quite like the idea of the universe knowing me so well.”

tapping your fingers on the keys, you hum. “you’ll love your birth chart, then. tell me when you were born.” tom grimaces and squeezes at your waist. “i don’t actually know.” “how do you not know?” you flick his back playfully, making him flinch. he pokes you so you’re even. “i’ve never thought to ask. guess i’m not that clever after all.”

those are teasing words, but you press a reassuring kiss to his cheek. he gladly accepts it and gives you one on the side of your neck.

“no, your head’s gigantic. there’s gotta be something up there.” you knock on his skull for emphasis, your hand tangling in his hair. tom lets out a breathy chuckle. “hot air,” he explains as your fingers run through the messy locks. “you’re so...” you don’t even have the words. tom does. “hilarious? witty? amusing?” he tries to finish, tilting his head back to look at you.

“yeah, all of the above,” you confer and bring your hand back down to the keyboard. your lips curve into a smirk when tom whines. he’s the biggest baby, and he makes no attempt to hide it. “why don’t you text your mom and ask for your time of birth?” you suggest, tom pursing his lips in agreement. “sure, i’ll give mum a ring. i bet she loves this stuff, too.”

you roll over to lay on your back, tom still on his stomach. he pulls his phone from his pocket and opens imessage. “ah, nikki’s an astrogirl?” you wonder. tom makes a funny face at the term. “is that what you call yourselves?” “not really. well, not officially.” giggling, you loop your fingers around his wrist. “you can be an astroboy, if you want. or girl.”

tom sighs and leans over so his face hovers above yours. “god, you’re adorable. how are you so cute?” he gently pecks your lips. you’re about to kiss back, then he moves off to your cheek. after that is your forehead, chin, and finally down the bridge of your nose. it leaves you out of breath from laughter and with warm skin.

“i can’t answer that if you’re gonna launch a kiss attack on me-“

tom’s lips capture yours in a proper kiss, which you now get the chance to reciprocate. you hold him in place with your hands on his cheeks. his eyes instantly flutter closed and lashes tickle your face. the feeling draws another giggle out of you, and right into his mouth.

“absolutely gorgeous,” tom mutters against your lips. “anyone ever tell you that?” “you do, tommy. all the time.” your voice comes out gravelly, breathless, a grin painting your face. it transfers to tom. “mm, that’s right. my pretty baby.” he’s beaming down at you. he moves on top of you swiftly, his weight held up by his elbows on your sides.

you pull apart so you can go back in harder, hands situating in his curls again. tom grabs at your hips while the kiss deepens. your legs wrap around his waist clad in joggers and allow your bodies to be even closer together. the less space between you two, the needier you both get. “love,” tom parts his lips for you. “can i get a little more?” “course you can, tommy.” your fingers tug at his curls, mouth opening slightly.

his tongue skims its way across your lower lip, asking for access. you give his hair another pull to grant it. tom lets his tongue slip into your mouth, searching for your own as his hands continue to roam your body. he’s gone from gently peppering you in kisses to fully eating your face. no complaints, though. a quiet whimper escapes you when your tongues clash.

tom starts to push up your t-shirt, eyes opening to meet yours for approval. they’re completely darkened. you nod because you can’t answer with words. your tongue is preoccupied, intertwined with his. he sets his hands on your bare stomach, your nails scratching at tom’s scalp in a way that elicits a low groan.

“feels good?” your words come out muffled, barely audible. tom still understands them. “so good,” he rasps, calloused fingers dragging along your skin. they start to move up your body as you brush your lips against his. the kiss is light, and tom’s lips feel swollen as they move. his hands are nearing your chest, your legs tightening around his waist.

it earns another sinful noise from him. you want to see just how much he’s enjoying himself, so you peek up at him. what a sight that is. his faced twisted up as he focuses on kissing you, strands of hair stuck to his forehead from your playing with it. he’s so beautiful, and deserves to know. before you can tell him, you see his phone light up from the corner of your eye.

“tom,” you mumble his name. he’s too distracted by searching for your bra hook to hear. “tommy?” you’re louder this time, his mouth moving off of yours. “what is it, love?” tom exhales, hot breath hitting your face. “i think your mom texted back.” you offer a smile and run your thumb over his plumped lips. he only squints at you.

“about your time of birth,” you clarify. “for your birth chart.” “oh, that.” he kisses your thumb, nodding to himself. “forgot we were doing that.” tom tends to get a bit carried away with anything you related. making out can go on for hours and down many different paths, but it’s not the only thing. he’s a man in love, and the woman he shares that with gets all his attention at any given time. you’re so lucky to receive it.

you nod back and feel his racing heart as it beats against yours. “if you still want to, yeah.” “i definitely do. wanna hear you say more nice things about me,” tom jokes, a smug grin pulling at his lips. your eyes narrow. “who says they’ll be nice?” you challenge and earn a snicker from him.

“alright, missy. can you hand me my phone please?” he drops his head onto your chest, big brown eyes gazing up at you. “yes, sir.” you pat his cheek and grab his phone from next to you. tom’s contact name for nikki is set as ‘Ma x’, which brings a toothy smile to your face. “here you go.” you dangle his phone above his head. tom takes it from you promptly. “thanks.”

after leaving a couple of kisses on your clothed chest, he rolls to lay next to you. “let’s see, let’s see,” he murmurs, reading his mom’s messages. you scoot closer so you can look. “ooh, lots of crying emojis,” tom remarks. “i think you made her kinda nostalgic.” you pout at the screen. copying your face, he clicks on a picture nikki attached.

“she even pulled out the birth certificate.” he shows you his phone, and you zoom in to see when he was born. “big stuff here,” you say while you read. tom takes the time to get comfortable, resting his chin on your shoulder. “looks like you popped out in the middle of the night,” you conclude, giving him his phone back. he clicks his tongue at you.

“don’t say popped out.” feigning innocence, you glance over at him. “too late.” tom types out a reply thanking his mom before tossing his phone aside. “middle of the night makes sense, though.” he bites the inside of his cheek. “i’ve always been a party animal, haven’t i?” you turn onto your side and put a hand on his chest.

“it’s in your gemini nature. or really, your tom nature.” tom does an over exaggerated wink. “i like the sound of that.” he chuckles when you hit at his chest. “bring the laptop. let’s get this thing going.” you huff as you reach over him to grab it. you’ve switched positions so you’re laying horizontally on your stomach and over his legs, your laptop in front of you.

“if we find out there’s any scorpio in you...” you shutter. “hm? what’s wrong with scorpios?” tom wonders, watching you plug his birth time into the generator. “they’re literally insane, tom. like, serial killer insane. there’s statistics.” your eyes go wide as you hit enter. he leans his head back on his arms with a wince. “never mind, then.”

a small gasp leaves your lips, you squeezing tom’s knee. “it’s done.” “what does it say? share with the audience,” tom requests so you do your thing. you’re eager to get to it, turning the laptop to show him his birth chart. “ok, so.” you point at a box a few places down. “this is your rising sign, which is basically how other people see you.”

tom reads the chart, moving his own finger along the screen. “it says i’m a... taurus. what are those like?” “in one word? boring,” you summarize, tom only frowning. “kidding, kidding.” his frown fades into a small smile at that. “they’re known for being super nice and chill... also stubborn,” you tell him and prop your head in your hand.

“so, that makes no sense. those are complete opposites,” tom comments, slipping out from under you. he settles by your side. “i don’t get how i can be a gemini and a taurus, either.” “weird, right?” you sigh in content as his hand comes to stay on the small of your back. “very strange. do you think it could be wrong?”

“are you questioning the universe’s plan?” you tease, tom drumming his fingers on you. “yes, i am.” “see, you’re stubborn! taurus things.” you scroll down to his moon sign before he can protest. tom sticks out his tongue and tries to lick your cheek, which you stop by putting your hand in his face. “next is your moon sign,” you laugh out, ignoring his boyish behavior.

“that controls your emotions and private thoughts,” you elaborate and look presently surprised when you see what tom’s is. “yours is sagittarius. that’s a cool one.” “is it? how come?” tom sneaks a few kisses down the shell of your ear. “you guys are really open-minded and into things that challenge you.” he nods, signaling for you to go on. you turn onto your back so you’re looking up at him.

“you’re all about your freedom, though. it’s hard to hold you down for too long.” grinning, tom brings his face into your line of vision. “that must mean you’re a real force because i’m not going anywhere.” he nudges your nose with his, lips ghosting over yours. you return the smile and meet him halfway for your lips to connect. “anytime soon,” tom adds on in a whisper, kissing back easily.

this one doesn’t last long, but it doesn’t need to. it’s just one of those kisses that makes you feel each other’s love, no matter how you go about it. they’re essentially your own made up love language.

you’re still smiling when your lips detach, fingers combing through tom’s tussled locks. “now that we’ve done the big three...” you preface. “androids, aliens, and wizards?” tom jokes, you breathing out a laugh. you’d thought he had a soft spot for sam and bucky. your suspicions were correct.

“cute, but no. your sun sign, moon sign, and rising sign,” you explain to him. “sure, sure. what about them?” tom toys with the hem of your shirt while you think. a mischievous glint in your eyes, you suddenly sit up. “since you know yours, and i know mine, how about we test our compatibility?”

tom is well aware of what that means, and he isn’t so sure he’d like to do it. he’s someone who believes in cliches like soulmates and fate, so he’ll take your results seriously. after the lessons on astrology you gave him, especially.

his heart will always hold a special place for you and you only. nothing will change that. but, what if the universe says you can’t be together? where do you go from there?

“um,” tom presses his lips into an uncertain line. you’re already getting your laptop. “i mean, do we want to know? what if we’re not...” you come back over to him with both eyebrows furrowed. “compatible?” “yeah” he hesitates before answering, which tells you he’s nervous.

“it’s just for fun, tommy,” you assure him and press a quick kiss to his lips. “besides, if anyone could defy the odds, it would be us.” tom perks up a bit, sitting up next to you. “you think we’re that strong, huh?” “absolutely. do you?” you’re already sure what he’s going to say. he pulls you into his lap, kissing at your hair and letting it linger. “one hundred percent. i’ll do it.”

you put your laptop in your own lap with a grin. tom’s arms hold you by your middle. “ok, here we go,” you mutter, searching for a good compatibility calculator. it doesn’t take long to find one. “remember, this all a bunch of theories. our love goes beyond what a stupid website tells us, okay?” you remind him, his arms tightening around you.

“okay. i love you,” tom speaks into your hair. “you’re so good at saying exactly what i need to hear. how do you do it?” “i love you too, and that’s a secret i’ll never tell.” you take one of his hands and bring it to your lips. tom’s leg bounces while you plug your three signs and his into the calculator. before hitting the calculate option, you look at him over your shoulder.

“ready?” your finger hovers over the cursor. you know how much these things mean to him, so you want to be positive that he is. “can we do it together?” tom asks shyly, which is highly uncharacteristic of him. “sure, baby. on the count of three.” you wait for him to place his hand over yours. he grips it tight, then you start to count. “one... two... three.”

the two of you click calculate at the same time, your results taking a few seconds to load. “love, i’m so nervous. i can’t look.” tom dips his head down so yours is blocking his view. you lightheartedly roll your eyes. “it’s fine, tom. i’m sure we’ll-“ the screen changes to display your compatibility rating, you cutting yourself off. he slowly creeps out from behind you.

“oh, god. are they in? what’s it say?” tom grabs onto your waist, feeling vibrations from you giggling. you shake your head at the website. “it’s really good... almost a perfect match. told you we’re meant to be.” he joins in your laughter, an endless amount of kisses going down the side of your head. “now, it’s written in the stars. we’re untouchable!”

he’s flipping you over so he lays above you, lips colliding messily with yours for the millionth time today. you don’t mind, though. you could do this a million more. “a power couple,” you continue for him between another peck of his lips. “always have been,” tom corrects and shuts you up again with his mouth on yours.

your hand reaches up for him, but doesn’t make it as the passionate kiss he’s giving you takes your breath away. he locks your fingers together instead, whispering one last thing.

“always will be.”

[tchallasbabymama]

All For Us Chapter 5

Hey y’all, hope you enjoy the chapter a day early! Check out my masterlist to catch up on this story or read my other ones. And, as always, reblogs and comments are more than welcome 🥰

Word Count: 5,471

CW: Mention of self-harm

Erik fidgeted in his chair as he waited for his family to walk through the door. He had seen each of them individually at least once, Shuri being the only one who never came back, but something about seeing them all together had him on edge. His right leg couldn’t stop bouncing, and he tapped his fingers on the arm of his chair impatiently. 

“Don’t worry, the Udakus are never on time,” Naomi reassured him as he looked to the clock for the second time in the last minute. Their appointment started five minutes ago.

“They run on CP time, huh?” he joked, trying to distract himself from his nerves. 

“CP time?”

“Colored people time...the name’s dated as hell, but basically Black people ain’t ever on time.”

“That is true of Wakanda as well,” she laughed. “Time is more of a suggestion here.”

“I can fuck with it,” he chuckled but was cut short by the thumping in his chest as the door opened, and T’Challa walked in, holding the door for the rest of the family.

“Your highnesses,” Naomi saluted them. “Please, come in and make yourselves comfortable.”

Naomi had arranged the chairs in her office so that the six of them sat in a circle. Mira sat between Erik and Ramonda, and Shuri chose the seat closest to Naomi. T’Challa sat between his mother and sister and threw a smile Erik’s way.

“Thank you all for coming here today. It is imperative that Erik has a healthy support system when he leaves here, and I just wanted to make sure we are all on the same page. I know you have each met with him individually, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to get it all out there and move forward as a unit. Now, I know we all want what’s best for Erik-”

Shuri scoffed, and Naomi turned to her.

“Princess, I heard you still have some reservations about him. Why?”

“He killed my brother,” she seethed.

“Shuri, I am right here,” T’Challa said, exasperated at her unwillingness to see past her anger.

“By the grace of Bast!”

“Shuri,” Ramonda chided.

“Queen Mother, if you don’t mind, I think this is a conversation that needs to happen between these two.”

Ramonda nodded and gestured for Shuri to continue.

“You’re only here because Nakia snatched a heart-shaped herb before he burnt the rest of them to the ground. It’s taken this long for them to even start growing again. All he does is destroy, and I don’t want him here. It’s bad enough you made me heal him, but now I have to look at him every day and pretend to like him, too?”

“You don’t have to like him, Shuri, but he is family-”

“That didn’t mean anything when he threw you over the falls or when he almost killed me, so why should it matter now?”

“Because I’m not that same person anymore,” Erik jumped in.

“Oh, sure. You’re just magically better all of a sudden,” she rolled her eyes and turned back to her brother. “How am I supposed to sleep at night knowing he’s in the palace?”

“Princess Shuri, Erik has been working very hard to overcome his anger and his past traumas. So much so that I see no need to extend his stay past what we originally agreed on.”

“Wait, really?” Erik’s face brightened, and he turned in his seat to look at Naomi.

“Yes. You have shown remarkable improvement, Erik.”

“You mean he can come home soon?” Queen Mother asked, prompting Erik and Shuri to feel very different ways about her use of the word “home.” Erik missed having one, and Shuri hated having him in hers.

“Yes, ma’am, he’ll be out of here in two weeks.”

Mira couldn’t contain her smile as she reached for his hand. They locked eyes, and yet again, the look in his eyes needed no words. They were glassy as they swelled with tears, and a couple fell while Naomi handed him the tissue box.

“What’s wrong, dear?” Ramonda asked.

“My bad,” he sniffled as he dried his tears. “I just really want to see Cupcake.”

“She wants to see you, too. I told her you were sick and had to get better before she could, but she’s been asking me about you damn near every second.”

“And me, as well. She is excited to meet you, cousin,” T’Challa chimed in. “‘Do you think daddy will like this?’, ‘When is he coming home?’, ‘Is daddy still sick?’, ‘Can you tell daddy I love him?’”

“Or my personal favorite, ‘Can we bring some to daddy?’ after dinner last night,” Ramonda added.

“She’s still a daddy’s girl, through and through,” Mira said with a sarcastic eye-roll, making Naomi chuckle.

“Yes, mine is the same way. It is quite frustrating,” she joked. “Now, I think it would be beneficial for us to go around the room and get it all out on the table. Princess Shuri already went, unless you have more to say…”

“No.”

“Ok, then King T’Challa, how about you go next?”

He nodded and looked to his cousin.

“I do not think I have said this to you yet, but I am genuinely sorry, Erik-”

“Stop, you didn’t do anything.”

“I know, but I needed to say it. I am also sorry I disobeyed your wishes; that was something I should not have done.”

“I’ll say,” Shuri mumbled under her breath.

“But I am glad that I did. Otherwise, we would not get to see this other side of you.”

“Thanks, man. I was in a bad place, obviously, and, uh...I don’t know, I just felt like a failure...I felt like I had nothing to live for anymore...my pride was hurt.”

Mira slowly pulled her hand back and placed it in her lap, and Erik could feel the tension brewing beneath the surface.

“Anything else, my king?”

“Just that I hope we can move past all of this and build a relationship. You are my cousin, and I am determined to love you whether you want me to or not.”

Erik and Mira both smirked at the king. They were thankful for the kindhearted man and his insistence on cleaning up the bad blood in his family. 

“Queen Mother, do you have anything you would like to share?”

“Yes, actually,” she reached into her bag and pulled out something that had been gift-wrapped. She handed it to Erik, and he looked at her in confusion. “Go ahead, open it.”

Everyone looked on with intrigue as he ripped at the paper, revealing a gold picture frame. Erik flipped the frame over and a lump formed in his throat.

“This is from a gala for the Pan African Council in 1991. It was one of the two times I met him.”

Drops of water splashed on the picture of N’Jobu, and Erik looked up for a leak in the ceiling before he realized the tears were flowing from his eyes. He grabbed another tissue and passed the box around when he realized the others were getting misty-eyed as well. Even Shuri. 

“I, uh...I don’t know what to say...thank you, Auntie,” he croaked as he got up and pulled her into a hug. Mira took the opportunity to take a look at the picture. They had the same look in their eyes, but feature-wise, Erik had to have taken after his mother. There was no doubt about it though, those deep brown puppy dog Udaku eyes were front and center.

Erik sat down, and she handed the photo back to him.

“May I see?” T’Challa asked, and Erik passed it to him, watching as Shuri took a look over his shoulder to see it too. Her face softened a little more, and Erik could swear she saw a hint of sadness there. He passed it back, and Erik simply stared at the photo, fingers lightly caressing the fame.

“Alright, lastly, we have Mira. Anything to add?”

“Not really,” she shook her head.

“Well, then may I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“Earlier, you seemed upset when Erik mentioned not having anything to live for. Care to expand on that?”

“Not really.”

“Mira...you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then how did you mean it, Erik? You said you have nothing to live for, yet your daughter and I were sitting at home waiting for you.”

“I wasn’t in my right mind, Mira. All that mattered was the mission. I lost myself to it. Actually, I lost myself a long time ago, but at the time, nothing could’ve pulled me back...not even you or Imani.”

“What if it happens again. Not for this, but for something else? What if you start working again and go back to your old ways? What then?”

“I won’t.”

“How am I supposed to trust that, Erik?”

“Mira, I’d like to jump in if you don’t mind.”

Mira shook her head and gestured for Naomi to continue.

“I understand your hesitance, but I assure you, I have the utmost faith that Erik has changed. His behaviors were tied to his trauma, and we have been able to work through his feelings of grief, anger, guilt, and self-loathing.”

“Self-loathing?” Queen Mother asked.

“Erik, would you care to…”

“Yeah, sure,” he cleared his throat. “I, uh, sort of hated myself for a long time. Everybody I loved died, and I had some sort of...what did you call it?”

“Survivor’s remorse.”

“Yeah, survivor’s remorse. I felt guilty for not dying.”

Mira looked up at him and her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to keep the tears at bay.

“Then I felt guilty for all the shit I did to survive, and how violent I became...then the self-hate kicked in when I realized how good I was at it.” His fingers ran over the scars on his forearm, and he took a deep breath. “These aren’t trophies. They’re my sins.”

The room fell silent.

“How many?” Shuri asked tentatively.

“You don’t wanna know.”

“I do,” Mira chimed in. “I’ve tried counting them, but you’re such a light sleeper it’s impossible. I can guess though...I got to five hundred once before you woke up one morning.”

“I don’t want you to look at me differently-”

“Erik, you don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to, but nobody here will look at you any differently if you do. Right?”

Everyone agreed, even Shuri. 

Erik took a deep breath and hung his head before speaking, “Three thousand and nine scars...three thousand and nine people are dead because of me.”

“You’re not that person anymore, Erik,” Naomi reminded him.

“Yeah, but what if I am?”

“You’re not,” Mira reached for his hand again.

“How do you know?”

“Cousin, I can guarantee you that even in the short time we have known each other, you have changed.”

“Erik, you should trust yourself more. You’ve been given the tools you need; you just have to use them.”

He nodded slowly, taking in Naomi’s wise words.

“It also helps if you’re surrounded by people who love and support you.” She turned to Shuri, “Princess, let us work through your feelings.”

“I already said what I needed to say. I don’t trust him...but I’m not saying it’ll be like that forever. Just for now, I still don’t.”

“And why is that?”

“Have you ever had someone try to kill you?”

“No, I can’t say that I have.”

“You never forget the look in their eyes.”

“I understand you, sister. It is not an easy thing to get past...however, it is possible. Look at him now. Do you see those same eyes?”

Erik looked at Shuri, and her stone face softened a little but still stayed pretty wooden.

“No.”

“Look, I get it...I’m your T’Chaka, but I don’t wanna be that person anymore. Not to Mira, not to Imani, not to y’all-”

“Don’t forget yourself. You’re doing this for you, too,” Mira chimed in, and Erik nodded.

“We are still working on self-love, but I feel that the next two weeks will be fruitful,” Naomi said, closing her notebook. “Is there anything else you all need to get off your chests?”

“I have one more thing,” Mira said as she sat up in her chair and turned her body to face Erik.

“I never told you what happened after you left,” she said, trying to keep it together. “I, um...I got depressed again, like when Imani was born. It wasn’t pretty, but I made sure she was good. I couldn’t eat. All I wanted to do was sleep. It got so bad I had to quit my job and go live with Stefan and Havana. I know that’s what you suggested in the first place, but I thought I could handle it on my own. I’m basically a stay-at-home mom now; I take care of the kids while Stef and Ana are at work...cooking and cleaning, and all that jazz. I never thought I would like that life, but it’s nice, and it’s a good way to repay them for letting us stay there. You wouldn’t believe how big SJ is now, and they have a new baby Daveed...things are different now, but it’s nice.”

“Have you...are you seeing anybody?”

“No, but I tried dating...didn’t work out.”

Erik tried and failed to hide the smirk on his face.

“I can’t say I’m sorry about that, but I am sorry about what I put you through, Mira. I shouldn’t have left you two.”

“I know you know that now; I just wish you knew it then.”

He pulled her hand to his lips for a kiss, and she let him.

“Are we still separated?”

Both Ramonda and T’Challa’s eyebrows raised. Neither of them was aware that the two had been having marital problems. T’Challa never even thought to ask.

“Erik, I need to tell you something…”

His breath hitched in his throat.

“I’m not saying it’s what I want now...but I was going to serve you with divorce papers. I had them drawn up and everything. They just needed your signature, but I couldn’t bring myself to give them to you. I was going to give them to you when you came back...if you came back.”

“And now?”

“Now...I don’t know, Erik. I think I have to get to know this new you to decide.”

“That’s fair.” He said to the ground before lifting his head and looking Mira in her eyes. “I’m gonna make you want to marry me all over again, though. Watch.”

--------

“If you don’t sit still, you’re going just like this,” Mira fussed as she tried to braid Imani’s hair. 

“No, I’ll stop!” Imani tried her best not to move, but the pillow she was sitting on was starting to get uncomfortable, and she was getting antsy. Every second that passed brought her one step closer to meeting her daddy, and she couldn’t wait. All she had to do was get through the school day. 

Mira smirked and tilted Imani’s head to the side to start on the last braid right as Shuri walked into the living room and plopped in the chair across from them. 

“Rough night?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

Over the past two weeks, Shuri had been slowly opening up to the idea of Erik living in the palace, but when she closed her eyes at night, she just kept seeing him lurking over her bed, ready to strike. 

“Something on your mind?” Mira asked through gritted teeth that held a tiny black rubber band.

“No, just...apprehensive.”

“About Erik?” Mira mouthed to her so Imani couldn’t hear. Shuri nodded and sunk deeper into the chair with a sigh. Mira finished up Imani’s last braid and put a couple of beads on the end before kissing the top of her head. “Ok, you’re done. Can you go get dressed?”

“Ok, mommy!” Imani took off, but before Mira could tell her to slow down, T’Challa came around the corner and scooped her up, planting a kiss on her cheek. Imani’s giggles erupted throughout the expansive living area and forced Shuri to crack a smile.

“Why are you running in my palace?” he playfully chastised her.

“I’m happy I get to meet my daddy. If I put my school clothes on fast, it’ll happen faster!”

“Well, let’s make it even faster then!” T’Challa took off with her down the hall, leaving Shuri and Mira in the living room laughing at his shenanigans.

“When is he gonna have one of his own?”

Shuri’s eyes rolled all the way to the back of her head. “As soon as he stops chasing after a woman who wants to live on the other side of the planet.”

“Nakia still giving him the runaround?”

“Girl, you don’t know the half of it,” Shuri complained. “Maybe you or Erik can talk some sense into him.”

“Maybe...you seem to be warming up to the idea of him lately. How are you feeling?”

Shuri sighed and sat forward in her chair, resting her elbows on her thighs. “I won’t lie and say I’m thrilled, but I understand him better now, and I trust my brother’s judgment. And mama’s. And yours...I want him to be in Imani’s life, but it is just hard to forget his face in that moment, you know?”

Mira nodded, “I don’t, but I do.”

“Maybe seeing him in a new light with you and Imani will help,” Shuri shrugged.

“I hope so.”

“Me, too.” 

Just then, T’Challa re-entered the room, “The princess is having trouble deciding which outfit to wear.”

“That’s my queue,” Mira got up from the couch and washed off her greasy hands before strolling down the hallway to help out her little fashionista. She and T’Challa had already laid out three outfit choices, so it just came down to which one she thought her daddy would like best.

“I want to look nice to meet him, but I don’t know which one looks better.”

“Can I give a suggestion?”

“Mhm,” Imani nodded with her brows creased as she thought really hard over which outfit to pick.

“How about the gold sandals from Lala with this two-piece? Yellow looks good on you, and the sandals match your backpack. You’ll look like a little ray of sunshine.”

“Hmmm...Ok!”

“Glad I could help,” Mira chuckled.

“I’ll wear my yellow outfit if you wear your blue one just like it.”

“It’s a deal,” Mira threw over her shoulder as she left the room to go change. When she entered the living room, her cousins and Auntie all smiled at the two of them. Imani’s yellow Ankara print tube top and harem pants matched perfectly with Mira’s blue ones. The only difference was Mira had on some crisp white sneakers and big gold Fulani earrings. 

Mira walked Imani to school the same way she did every day, but this time her head was in the clouds. Even Imani was quiet on the way, the butterflies in both of their stomachs working overtime. When they reached the classroom, Imani turned to her mom, looking at her face that surprised Mira.

“What’s wrong, baby?” She crouched down to her level.

“What if daddy doesn’t like me?” she poked her lip out, and Mira knew she had to act fast before it started quivering, and the tears started falling.

“Like you? He loves you more than anything in this world!” she said excitedly while tickling Imani’s ribs and making her laugh. “He loves you just as much as I do, baby girl.”

“He does?”

“Of course, you’re his Cupcake.”

“Cupcake?”

“Mhm, that’s what he used to call you because you’re so sweet.” Mira pretended to gobble up Imani’s fingers, making her giggles chase away any doubts she had about her father. “Now, you  ready for school?”

“Yes, ma’am,” she said excitedly.

“Alright, I’ll see you at 2. Be good.” Mira kissed Imani’s cheek and stood back up to her full height.

“I will, mommy. Sala kakuhle!” she waved goodbye and ran to go play with her friends while Mira sent the teacher a smile before heading back to the palace. 

When Mira was nervous, she liked to busy her hands with something, so she took some time to anxiously clean and organize her already clean quarters. She would have to sit in on another council meeting shortly, and although she wasn’t looking forward to having all that attention on her again, she was determined to go in there with her head held high.

Just as she started scrubbing the sink, her alarm went off telling her it was time for the meeting. She washed her hands and squeezed lemon juice on them to get rid of the bleach smell before leaving her quarters and traveling to the business side of the palace. When Mira entered the throne room, she slid into the empty seat between Ramonda and Shuri just as T’Challa started speaking.

“As you all know, Erik will be discharged from Ithemba Center today at noon, and we have the press conference scheduled at five. He has already been briefed on it, and while he is still apprehensive about addressing the nation, I have worked with him over the last week and it seems as though he will be fine. Any questions regarding the press conference?” The council members shook their heads and T’Challa continued, “Now, I have spoken to each of you about his community service, and have finally decided on the order. I would like him to start with the Jabari as a member of their fire and rescue team, then transfer to mining vibranium before moving to border patrols. Then he will work at the River tribe’s animal sanctuary, and he’ll end his service by working as janitorial staff in the market. The order is subject to change if necessary.”

“My king, are we sure we can trust him in the Mining and Border provinces?” Tendayi, the River tribe elder spoke out, making Dama and W’Dani nod along.

“Yes, I have faith in him. Any other questions?”

Mira tentatively raised her hand, not sure if she was allowed to talk or not. T’Challa nodded her way, and she cleared her throat before speaking, “I was wondering if we could move with him? He’s been away from Imani so long and once he comes back, I don’t want to disrupt her life any more than it’s already been disrupted.”

“That is understandable. Housing for the three of you will be provided in each province.”

“Thank you,” she turned to the elders, “and I don’t want to be a freeloader, so if there’s anywhere I can help out just let me know.”

“Mira, of course you and Imani are welcome to stay with us, but if you really want something to do we can find a job for you, too.” Ife stated as the other council members nodded along in agreement. 

“I’d like that. I need something to do,” she chuckled. “Thank you.”

“We will work something out,” Dama winked her way.

“We will miss the two of you around the palace, but I think that is a great idea. You will be provided with transportation to get Imani to school.”

“Thank you,” Mira smiled.

“You are welcome. Now, is there anything else?” T’Challa was met with silence as he checked the time on his beads and looked back at Mira. “Good, it is about time we go bring him home.”

Mira’s heart thumped in her chest as she nodded.

“Meeting adjourned.”

The council members filed out of the room, sending well-wishes to Mira as they went. 

--------

Erik happily signed his discharge paperwork, but his internal celebration was cut short by a knock at his door. He half expected it to be Mira, but he looked up and saw Naomi in his doorway. 

“How are you feeling today?”

“Excited and nervous.”

“I bet,” she chuckled. “Remember what we talked about, and you will be fine.”

Erik nodded and took a deep breath.

“Ready to go? I will walk you out.”

“Yeah, let’s go.” Erik took a deep breath and they walked through the facility in silence before they reached the lobby. There stood T’Challa and Mira with huge smiles on their faces that infected Erik as soon as he saw them. Mira pulled him into a hug and held him tight as she rocked him from side to side.

“I’m so proud of you, Erik.”

“As am I, cousin.”

Mira let Erik go and he dapped T’Challa up, pulling him into a hug next.

“Thanks. Both of you...I couldn’t have done all this without you.”

Mira wiped a stray tear from her eye and looped her arm around his. “Let’s go home.”

“Home, huh? I like the sound of that,” he mused.

The three of them made their way back to the palace where they were greeted by a tearful Ramonda and a still apprehensive Shuri. She sent him a small smile, though, and that was enough for him. The family sat around the kitchen table talking and laughing as if it had always been that way, and Erik found their familiarity to be a comfort he hadn’t felt in a long time. Ramonda constantly pushed food in Erik’s direction, and even though he had a late breakfast he just couldn’t say no. He stuffed his face full of eggah and freshly squeezed mango juice until he had his fill and sat back in his chair with his hands resting on his full stomach.

“I’m ready for a nap. Where am I staying?”

“This week you will be in the palace, as well as during your time working for the Merchant tribe-”

“You’re gonna hate it…” Mira sang under her breath with a wry laugh, making T’Challa smirk.

“But, other than that, you will be staying with the various tribes during your volunteer time.”

“What exactly am I supposed to be doing?” he sent a suspicious look Mira’s way.

“We can discuss that later. For now, let us get you settled in.”

Erik nodded and followed behind Mira and T’Challa as they walked through the winding palace hallways. They took him to his living quarters, and he was pleasantly surprised to see that he would still be living with Mira and Imani.

“I didn’t know if you’d want me with you or not.”

“Oh, you’re sleeping in the guest room...but I wanted you close for Imani.”

“Fair enough,” Erik nodded and walked around the space, checking it out.

“I will leave you two alone to get settled in,” T’Challa turned and left the space.

Mira looked at her beads. “You might want to go ahead and get ready, we’ll be leaving in thirty minutes.

“Leaving?”

“Mhm, we have to pick up Imani from school.”

“W-we do?”

“Yeah...are you ok?”

“Nah. What if she doesn’t like me?”

Mira bursted out laughing and caught him off-guard. “She asked me the same thing this morning.”

Erik just smiled and shook his head. He had nothing to worry about.

“Just like her daddy, huh?”

“Just like him,” she smiled back.

“I guess I should get ready, then. I want to make a good first impression.”

“Erik, you’ll be fine…I promise. She already loves you.”

He stood and kissed her forehead before turning and walking towards the bathroom, pulling his shirt over his head. Mira tried to avert her eyes, but his rippling back muscles called to her. Her face felt hot, and she bolted out of the room, hoping he didn’t notice how flustered he made her.

He did.

A little while later, Erik emerged from the bathroom very well moisturized and followed by a cloud of steam. He stood there for a few minutes in his towel, staring at the clothes in his huge closet, not knowing what to put on his body.

“Mira!” he called to her in the other room. She playfully rolled her eyes and headed his way, already knowing what he wanted. Like father, like daughter.

“You rang?” she stood in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest, trying like hell to keep her eyes above his collarbone. 

“I don’t know what to wear.”

“Wakandan or American?”

“Uh, American, I guess.”

“Do you want to match Imani?”

His face lit up, and she took it for a yes, pulling out a pastel yellow t-shirt and a pair of jeans with matching sneakers. 

“This outfit with gold accessories.”

“Thanks,” he grinned at her, and Mira tried not to get lost in his dimples. She was failing miserably, so she left him to his own devices. She missed the satisfied smirk on his face.

--------

Erik could feel the eyes on him as he walked through the city with Mira and T’Challa. Some were cold, but most were simply confused by his presence. 

“Ignore them,” Mira whispered up to him, and he nodded, taking a deep breath. He wasn’t going to let anything ruin this moment. 

They arrived at the elementary school and Mira went in to get Imani while the two men waited outside. As soon as Imani saw her mother, she jumped down and ran over to her.

“Hey baby girl, how was your day?”

“Good! I made a new friend,” she said proudly.

“You did? I’ll have to meet them sometime soon. Right now we have to go see daddy,” Mira’s eyes flashed with mischief and Imani’s joy radiated throughout the room. “Ready?”

Imani was so happy she could barely speak, so she just nodded her head. Mira waved goodbye to the teacher, and the two of them traveled back down the hallway hand in hand.

Erik’s fingers tapped his thigh in rapid succession and he chewed on his bottom lip.

“I can hear you overthinking, cousin.”

Erik started pacing back and forth and was about to open his mouth to say something when the doors to the school swished open. T’Challa held his hand up and started recording with his beads.

“Daddy!” Imani saw Erik and dropped her backpack as she ran to him. For a moment, he was frozen in time, but as she got closer he snapped out of it and crouched down for her to run into his arms.

“Hey, Cupcake,” his voice cracked as he held her tight. Her little arms wrapped around his neck like she never wanted to let him go, and he couldn’t help the tears that streamed from his eyes. Mira and T’Challa tried their best to hold it together, but neither could blink the tears away.

“What’s wrong?” Imani heard him sniffle and pulled back to look at his face.

“Nothing, baby, I’m just happy to see you.” He closed his eyes and said a silent prayer to Bast to thank her for letting him live another day to see his daughter once more.

The four of them walked back to the palace with Imani talking Erik’s ear off the whole way as he carried her on his hip. The first thing she did when they got there was to show him her dolls, all of which were fully decked out in the most beautiful doll-sized finery T’Challa could get his hands on. Erik took in the sparkly purple walls and the finger paints by an easel in the corner of the room. Her canopy bed was the main attraction, though, and made her feel the princess she was.

“Damn, T did all this?” Erik asked as Mira entered the room behind him.

“Yep,” she laughed. “He’d do anything for that little girl.”

“Remind me to thank him later…” he trailed off as his eyes caught sight of an enormous, stuffed jaguar by the window seat. A goofy smile took over his face, and Mira couldn’t help but swoon. Over the past few weeks of her getting to see Erik at Ithemba, she could tell his spirit was lighter. However, it wasn’t until the three of them were sitting in Imani’s room playing with her dolls that she thought Erik actually looked happy. And not just happy, but happier than she had ever seen him. His smiles actually reached his eyes for the first time since before he left for Wakanda, and she loved to watch the two of them interact with each other. Erik was a gentle giant when it came to his baby girl, and all his fierceness flew out the window when Imani started popping butterfly clips in his locs. 

Erik noticed Mira was lost in her thoughts, so he reached over and grabbed her hand. He squeezed it and looked into her eyes, once again conveying his soul with a single look. 

He was home for good this time. Next Chapter

Taglist: @ladymac82​, @kitesatforestp​, @harleycativy​, @raysunshine78​, @maddeningmayhem​, @theblulife​, @motheroffae​, @love-mesome-me​, @toni9​

[twices-pup]

Hiraeth

title : hiraeth ( minatozaki sana x fem reader )

word count : 1,592 words

genre : angst

warnings : single mention of alcohol

synopsis : hiraeth (n) - a homesickness for a home you can’t return to, or that never was. ( non-idol au )

side note : i didn’t expect myself to post another fic so soon, but the idea for this came to me at like, almost 1 in the morning and i was able to finish it soon after i woke up, so i thought, “hey, why not post this?” things have been a little rough in my personal life lately, so i guess you can say this is sort of a vent fic? so it might be a little messy, and it got longer than i intended it to be, but i hope y’all enjoy my 1 am emo thoughts :)

You hated this city.

You hated that every time you left your house, you're bound to see something that would remind you of her. You hated that the people around you still asked you about her. You hated that she was only a five minute-drive away from you, yet you weren't able to go see her, no matter how much your heart ached for you to.

You hated this city, but this city was where you were born and grew up in, where your family and friends were, where you had met her. This city—with its roads full of traffic, its bustling streets, and its busy people—was all that you ever knew, so you couldn't just up and leave. Even if every street and corner held painful memories of her.

You used to think that this city was your home, but that was until you had met her, during your freshman year of high school. She was charming in her own way, and had a smile so dazzling you nearly mistook it for a ray of sunshine. When she turned to you, and your eyes met for the first time, you knew right then that your life was never going to be the same again. All because of her.

You had remembered reading somewhere that home wasn't necessarily a place; it could also be a person, a pair of arms that you knew you belonged in.

The closer you got with her, the more it felt like you and her were like two puzzle pieces meant to fit together perfectly. Anything and everything she said or did, even something as trivial as putting a hand on your shoulder, was able to fill you with a sense of warmth and comfort. Soon she became all that you thought about, all that you sought for when you felt lost.

Soon she became your home.

Or at least, that was what you thought.

It wasn't long before you two were practically attached by the hip, and everyone who knew either one of you would know that. Where one of you were, the other wouldn't be far behind, and the fact that she lived just a neighborhood away from you helped. It was really easy for the two of you see to each other; at first you thought of it as a convenience, but time threatened to prove you otherwise.

You didn't know what came over you when you had let the words slip past your lips. You weren't drunk, you swore you never had anything to drink prior to the incident that night. So perhaps it was the heat of the moment, just the two of you sitting on top of a hill overlooking the city, and you ended up getting intoxicated by her instead of alcohol. The light pollution was so bad, there was barely a single star visible in the night sky. The view of the city after dark, however, was almost enough to make up for the lack of starlight. It was beautiful.

She was beautiful.

Hair messy, eyes soft, lips slightly chapped, your jacket draped over her shoulders. No matter how she looked, no matter what she wore, she was never anything less than beautiful in your eyes. Added with the romantic atmosphere, had you lacked self control you would've kissed her then and there.

Thankfully though, you were still able to control your actions. But as your heart raced while you stared at her, it was a lot less easier to control your words.

"I love you."

She diverted her attention from the view to look at you, eyes wide with surprise. A silence enveloped you two once more, one that felt heavier and far less comfortable than the silence before you had uttered those three words. You watched her shift awkwardly, and suddenly you became much more aware of the cold night air biting at the bare skin of your arms and neck. Where had the warmth and comfort gone?

"I love you too, y/n," Sana said carefully. You perked up at her response, feeling a wave of relief and even joy wash over you, but it was short-lived as she continued speaking before you had the chance to interrupt her. "You're my best friend, after all."

You felt your heart sink. Had she really not understood what you meant? Or was she pretending to?

"N-No, Sana," you began, frowning. "That...That's not what I meant. Not just in that way."

To this day, you regretted ever correcting her.

Another silence ensued, this one more agonizing than the last. Your heart was racing, but not in a good way, not in the way she normally made your heart palpitate. Your eyes trained on her every movement, as she avoided your eyes and brought up a hand to rub the back of her neck.

"We...We should head back."

You didn't know what else to say or do, other than agree and walk her back to her house. The walk was, as expected, terribly awkward, neither of you saying anything throughout, and you realized that that was the first time there was any awkwardness between the two of you. You hated the feeling.

Once you reached the front of her house, she turned to you, took your jacket off, and put it on you instead. However, she still refused to meet your eyes that were practically boring holes into her. As she adjusted your jacket, she spoke, ever so softly, "You're my best friend, y/n, you really are. And...And that's all you are to me. Nothing less, nothing more."

Her words were like an arrow through your heart. Not Cupid's arrow, the one that made you feel all lovestruck and giddy, but an actual piercing arrow aimed to kill you. You stared at her blankly, searching her expression for any kind of solace.

She did offer you one, a soft smile, meant to be reassuring and comforting, but you felt neither. "I'm sorry," she continued. "You're an amazing girl y/n, I know you'll be able to find someone else. So I hope this won't change anything between us." She pulled you into a hug, and you wanted to return it had your arms not felt glued to your side, before she pulled away and walked up to her front door. Before she disappeared behind it, she shot you another smile.

Her smile was definitely not telling you that things weren't going to change.

You didn't cry then. You didn't cry on your walk back to your own place. But the second your bedroom door shut behind you, and you were met with your dark, cold bedroom, the world came collapsing down on you. You sank to your floor, and you finally let your tears out.

You didn't see her for the next couple of weeks. You avoided her at school, and refused to hang out with her after school hours. You told yourself that it was what was best for you, some time alone to grieve. But weeks turned into months, yet neither of you dared to talk to one another.

Once you did decide to make the first move, she ignored you as if you weren't right there in front of her, as if you were invisible, as if you didn't exist. She simply brushed past you while talking to a couple of other girls, and she looked...happy. After what had happened between the two of you, she was able to be happy. You could do nothing but watch as she walked further and further away from you.

When you reached your house that day, you received a text on your phone.

"Let's not waste our time fixing something that's already broken"

You felt your heart break for the millionth time since the night of your confession. She had given up on you, on your once seemingly unbreakable friendship. You couldn't blame her, though; she didn't feel the same way you did and there was nothing she could do to force herself to love you back, but even with this knowledge you ghosted her for months, as if she had conducted the biggest sin the world had ever seen. If you were in her shoes, you knew that you'd be exhausted too.

She had given up on you, and you put the blame entirely on yourself.

As you flopped down onto your bed and let your tears flow, you recalled coming across a list of beautiful words from multiple different languages once, beautiful words with even more beautiful meanings. One of them was hiraeth.

Hiraeth.

You finally understood what it meant, how it felt.

She was your home, a home you could never return to, a home that never was.

+ + +

As you drove past her neighborhood on your way to get groceries, you looked out your car window, and saw her. Your houses weren't that far, and the city wasn't that big, so it wasn't your first time coming across her by chance over the years.

But this time she walked down the street, a wide smile plastered on her face and her hand in that of another woman. The other woman was saying something, and it made her laugh. That was the happiest you had ever seen her look.

You took in a deep breath as you turned your head back to keep your eyes on the road ahead, your grip on the steering wheel tightening.

You hated this city, but it was your home. The only one you've ever known, and will ever know.

. . .

please do not repost my work, whether on tumblr or on any other site.

[jaeheewillalwaysbemyfav]

Obey Me: The Brothers Accidentally Trigger an Abused MC (Lucifer) (1/7)

Disclaimer: I’m not an expert on abuse or mental health. I’m not portraying how one should respond to these situations, only how I think the characters might. Abuse and trauma in particular are very complex topics, and people respond in all sorts of ways to them, and sometimes it gets really bad on all sides.

I can only draw from my personal experiences as well as those of people who have shared their stories or who I’m close with. There’s no one narrative of abuse and how it affects someone, so what I’m familiar with might not be what you’re familiar with. Let’s try and all be respectful of each other.

Content Warnings: Heated arguments, reference to past abuse, parental abuse, trauma response, breaking down in tears, this is quintessential hurt/comfort y’all, buckle up

First up is Lucifer! I will be writing similar scenarios for the other brothers, and they’ll get linked below once they’re done and posted.

Lucifer (You’re here) Mammon (X), Leviathan (X), Satan (X), Asmodeus (X), Beelzebub (X), Belphegor (X)

Becoming the embodiment of a sin is much like a curse. It takes a natural trait and amplifies it to absurdity, and there is nothing you can do to curb it. While the appetites caused by greed or gluttony or lust can be all-consuming, there is no sin more cruel to fall victim to than that of pride.

Lucifer sees how his brothers are affected by their sins and both pities and is disgusted by them. How low, to succumb to base urges like that. He could never do that. He’s better than that. He is in complete control of himself.

He has to be.

This attitude does not lend itself well to maintaining close personal relationships. When Lucifer gets stressed, his controlling tendencies get worse. He can’t handle another failure, not again, but he also can’t admit that he’s in over his head. His brothers know to steer clear of him when he gets like this.

MC does not.

They won’t stop bothering him, asking if he’s sure he’s okay, offering to help with this or that, and shooting him such pitiful looks when they think he’s not looking. He cares for them deeply, he truly does, but they’re still human. And the idea of a human pitying him is revolting.

“Lucifer, please, let me help, you look so-”

“What makes you think you know how I feel?” Lucifer’s wings snap open and the aura of tension around him becomes suffocating. “I am thousands of years old, and have lived through things you could not hope to understand. You think you have the right to even guess at what I’m feeling? You think you can help?“

“I-I’m sorry! I j-just-”

“Just what? Couldn’t help sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong again?“ Stop talking, you idiot, Lucifer thinks, but his mouth doesn’t comply. “Just stop wasting my time and go, MC!”

“I-”

“Leave.”

Lucifer’s posture, the anger in his voice, MC can’t help it. Eyes full of tears, they run out of his study, and don’t stop until they’re outside the House of Lamentation. They happen to breeze past a very confused Mammon, who follows them, only to find them curled up on the steps of the dormitory.

“MC? What’re ya doin’ out here, you shouldn’t be alone outside-” He notices their sobbing. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

For a few solid minutes, MC can’t manage anything more than fragments of words and hiccuping cries. Mammon holds them close, rubbing slow circles into their back and murmuring soothing platitudes until they calm down enough to explain.

They got into a fight with Lucifer. He’s been so stressed lately, and they just wanted to help, but he...

“Oh, I know exactly what he did,” Mammon frowns. “Said somethin’ stupid like ‘what makes you think a peon like you can understand the Troubling Complexities of I, Lucifer, the Avatar of blah blah blah’,” he flaps his hand as he talks, poorly mimicking Lucifer.

MC lets out a small giggle, but their smile quickly fades. “He got really mad at me... And it... brought up some bad memories.”

Mammon sobers up as well. “Do you...” he scratches the back of his head. “...do you wanna talk about it?”

~

Lucifer is drowning his feelings in paperwork when the door to his study bursts open and in flies a pissed off looking Mammon. He can barely get out a “Mammooooooon...” before his piles of completed work are pushed aside and the Avatar of Greed slams his hands on his desk.

“You got a lotta nerve, sittin’ there pencil-pushing after what you did!” Mammon snaps.

“As do you, barging into my room uninvited-”

“Oh, shut up, Lucifer!” The oldest brother’s eyes widen.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me! What makes you think you can talk to MC like that, huh?”

“...Oh.” The tension in Lucifer’s body changes from aggressive to almost meek.

“’Oh.’ Is that all you have to say?! Do you know how scared they were when I found them? They could barely speak! I thought someone had tried to kill them!” Each word might as well have been a punch in the gut.

MC had feared for their life. Because of him.

“I... I need to apologize to them,” Lucifer mutters, which does nothing to quell his brother’s anger.

“Like hell ya do! You better get on your knees and beg after what you did! Bringin’ up memories like that, sheesh...”

“What are you talking about?” Mammon freezes for a second, then scrambles backwards, the reality of what he’s doing starting to set in. “Mammon.”

“I-It’s not my place to tell ya...” he feels for the doorknob behind him, determined to get as much space between himself and Lucifer as possible just in case the latter fully processes the unspoken rules he’s so thoroughly violated. “You should ask MC about it.” He turns the handle and zips out the door with a SLAM!

Just as Lucifer relaxes, the door peeks open once more. “After you apologize!”

~

MC sits on their bed, contemplating their immediate future. They aren’t sure what to expect the next time they encounter Lucifer. More anger, perhaps, or a terse explanation about what was frustrating him so much that he lost his composure like that. Maybe he wouldn’t even mention their argument, or worse, he would say that he forgives them. Because that’s all they do: fuck up and stick their nose in other people’s business. They’re a useless, meddlesome brat who needs to be put in their place-

Someone is knocking on MC’s door.

Lucifer calls out from the other side, “MC, are you alone? I need to have a word with you. Privately.”

MC tenses. Privately means they will be punished. 

“I-I’m so sorry,” they say, growing increasingly frantic as they start to address someone else. “I shouldn’t have- I shouldn’t have bothered you, I knew you were busy, and you work so h-hard, and I’m just in your way- I promise I won’t do it again! I promise, I promise, I promise!”

What on Earth are they talking about? Lucifer throws open the door and storms in, making a beeline for MC. The next thing they say stops him dead in his tracks.

“PLEASE DON’T HIT ME!”

And with four words, Lucifer knows everything he needs to. 

Slowly, carefully, he approaches MC, who is holding their arms out in front of them, protecting their face. They lower their arms when they don’t feel the sting of a hand or a belt and look up at him fearfully. Telegraphing each motion, he kneels down at the side of their bed, hands out in front of him, eyes locked on theirs.

“I will never lay my hands upon you, MC, not without your permission.” Lucifer pauses, and his eyes wander to something in the back of the room before returning once again to MC’s. “I came here because my behaviour the other day was… unacceptable. You were simply trying to help and I see now that my reaction was…” Say it. “You were deeply upset by it. I want to apologize, and to assure you that I will do everything in my power so that such a thing never happens again. Can you forgive me?”

Can they? Even as MC returns to the present, the panic doesn’t fade with the memories. They’ve given others so many chances, much like the one Lucifer is asking for now. Is this the only one they will have to give? Or will there be more? Can they truly expect the Avatar of Pride to both admit to and right one of his wrongs? In the end, MC decides…

...to forgive him. Lucifer’s actions were hurtful, but not intentional. And now that he’s aware of MC’s history, he is extremely conscientious of upsetting them like that ever again. Once they fully calmed down, Lucifer had asked them if they had any other triggers he should be aware of, and has since made it his top priority to prevent MC from being exposed to them. 

Of course, he is still as headstrong as ever when it comes to accepting help. A demon’s nature cannot be swayed so easily, after all. But now, he is clear about his boundaries and notifies MC well in advance when a rough patch of work is coming up. There are still some surprises, and in those times the two learn each other’s rhythms, when to hold fast and when to give each other distance, and it works for them.

...they can’t forgive him. They know he didn’t mean to hurt them with his behaviour, but it doesn’t change the impact. The rational part of Lucifer understands. He broke their trust, and it is not his place to demand forgiveness. But this is MC, this is the person who helped him and his family so much, and it kills him that he can’t do the same for them. That they will always be at a certain distance now.

And it’s his fault.

[amor-immortalem]

Everything Undesired chapter 10

Chapter 9

After a quick diaper clothes change, Arella was quick to join the brothers at the table, Cyrus tucked comfortably in the crook if her arm. It felt like a normal morning, albeit just a tad quieter. Whether that be due to the events of the night prior or just in consideration of the baby, it wasn’t quite so clear. She took her usual seat next to the place where Mammon usually sat and began to eat. The only one who looked even a little uneasy was Levi likely due to how he felt about having been the one to suggest last night’s movie.

They all spoke casually amongst themselves as they ate, multiple of them having to stop Beelzebub from consuming the food that had been set aside for Mammon as the demon in question joined them shortly after. It had taken him a while to find clean clothes, realizing he really should do his laundry soon. It had probably been a good two or three weeks at least since he’d washed anything. With everything going on, he just didn’t have the energy lately. Thank the celestial realm for his human helping him out with his school clothes.

All their heads turned to him as he joined them at the table, a round of ‘good mornings’ rang out and he returned them. Two asked how he was feeling after last night, the rest carried on with their own side conversation figuring he didn’t need to answer the question four times over.

As breakfast came to a close, Arella took her leave to feed Cyrus once more and Mammon returned to his room to gather up his dirty clothes and begin the process of doing his laundry. Thankfully, it was the weekend which would give him enough time to have all five of his school uniforms ready to go while also not hogging the washer and dryer all day.

“Man, I gotta start doin’ my laundry more often...” The Avatar of Greed sighs. “The amount of clothes in here is ridiculous.” He hefts the basket of clothes into a more comfortable position in his arms and carries them down to the laundry room.

------------------------------------------------------

“Mammon, do you want to go shopping with me?” The Avatar of Lust chirps as he catches up to his brother while he’s working on switching his clothes from the washer to the dryer, “I need a new outfit for date night tomorrow and I’m sure you could use a shopping spree too considering you haven’t really gone out to spend or visited the casino lately. Even last night, when the three of us took the baby out, you didn’t even buy anything. You know what happens if you let your sin build up.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. Just gimme a couple hours to get a couple more loads done. I’m kinda runnin’ outta clothes to wear.”

“Alright, three hours good?”

“Three hours is perfect.” The white haired demon says as he loaded another round of clothes into the washer. “Thanks, Asmo.”

The strawberry-blonde demon only nodded as he headed off.

------------------------------------------------------

“Hey, Mams... Can we talk for a minute?” Levi asks as he approaches his brother.

“Yeah, I got a few minutes before I go out with Asmo. What’s up?”

It takes Levi a few minutes to speak. “I’m really sorry about last night. I should have screened before we watched it.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. Ya said you had never seen it before and wanted to watch it with all of us, right? And you were so excited ‘bout it, so it’s fine.” he shrugs.

“But it wasn’t fair to you...” The Avatar of Envy frowns. “We shouldn’t have even watched a horror movie to begin with. I know you hate them but you still watch them with us anyway.”

“’Cuz I know you all like them so I jus’ bare with it for the time being. Y’all are my brothers, so I just want y’all to have fun even if I suffer for a bit. Y’know what you always say about me, I’m a masochist through and through.” He smiles, hoping to make his little brother feel better. “I don’t blame ya, so don’t blame yourself, ‘kay?”

The third-born only nodded, feeling minimally better after finding out the second-born didn’t blame him for what happened.

He ruffled Levi’s hair as he flashed him a smile. “Alright, I gotta go, love ya.”

“Love you too,”

------------------------------------------------------

As the pair of demons walked down the street, Mammon was distracted. He was lost in thought as he thought back to the conversation he had with Arella. He thought about telling Asmo as even though Arella had told him she was comfortable with everything they had done together but he felt like she was telling him a half-truth just to spare his feelings.

“Are you alright, Mammon? You’re not as talkative as usual... Mammon?”

“Huh?” blue to gold gradient eyes look to his brother. “Yeah, I guess I’m alright. Just thinkin’ ‘bout somethin’...”

“Care to share?”

Mammon considers this for a few moments, deciding maybe he should tell his brother about what’s on his mind. “You can’t tell a soul about what I’m going to say, ‘kay?”

“No promises,” The demon says in a sing-song voice, “You have some good gossip?”

“It’s not gossip, Asmo. You absolutely have to promise you won’t tell anybody.”

Asmo’s eyes widened at his brother’s words and the serious tone in his voice. “Alright, what’s on your mind?”

“Arella told me something last night... She told me she was...” He’s not sure he can say it but thankfully Asmodeus seems to get the message.

“That’s horrible. How did it happen?”

“A quote unquote boyfriend drugged her drink when she was sixteen.” The demon has an irritated look on his face. “The bastard was twenty three, like who seeks out a teenager like that?”

“Boyfriend?” The Avatar of Lust has a disgusted look on his face. “Sounds more like a predator to me.”

“Right?! It makes my skin crawl just thinkin’ about it.” He exhales, “She’s such a good person and some monster takes advantage of her and does that?! If I could get a name and a face, I’d absolutely destroy him. The worst part? She blames herself for what happened, for making a mistake.”

“I’m not surprised,” Asmo frowned. “Considering how the human world treats women- she may very well have been told it was all her fault- especially as a minor? I don’t know what her family was like but to end up with that mindset, it’s very possible she didn’t have anybody to for her what we’re doing for you.”

Mammon only frowned at that. “Yeah and now I feel bad for pushing so hard. She said she wanted all that but I feel like she was only sayin’ that just to make me feel better. Is that wrong of me?”

“Mmm, I don’t think so... You love her so it’s only natural that you would worry about having forced her into a situation she didn’t want. But I also don’t think she would lie to you just to make you feel better. Can you remember a time where she’s ever been disingenuous with you?”

“No...”

“Then I think you should take her words at face value. In all actuality, I think she only told you because she wanted you to know you weren’t alone and she knows what you’re going through.” Asmo smiles as he pats Mammon’s shoulder. “And if you’re still worried about it, think of it this way: As long as you had a resounding ‘yes’ at all times from her, then you shouldn’t worry about whether or not you forced her to do it. Or you could do the adult thing and actually talk about your feelings as scary as that may be.”

Mammon only rolled his eyes at Asmo’s comments.

------------------------------------------------------

The pair got home later than intended. As they split up, the Avatar of Greed made his way up to his room. Everything seemed to be fine, there was no baby crying and the house seemed at peace until he got to his room. He tossed his bag into the closet and slid down the railing on his staircase. That’s when he heard it, a small sniffling sound.

“Treasure?” He called softly as he approached the bed, placing a hand on the ball of blankets that his human had buried herself under. “Hey, look at me.”

A soft ‘no’ was heard from under the blanket followed by a ‘I’m alright, don’t worry’ which had the opposite effect on him. So, he just made himself comfortable beside his mate, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close so her back was pressed to his chest. When she was ready to talk, he would listen and if the baby monitor went off, he would do all the work tonight. It was the least he could do since she practically took care of their son on her own around the clock when he couldn’t even look at the child for the first few weeks.

He rubbed his thumb over her stomach in a motion that was meant to be comforting. While not exactly what he wanted to do, their position didn’t grant him much elsewhere to rub if he wanted to keep his arm wrapped around her, he hoped it would have the same effect. They just lay together in silence for a time as her sniffles slowly came to a stop. She was so quiet, Mammon thought she might’ve fallen asleep until she moved her head from under the covers and slowly turned to him, allowing him to move his hand to her side.

“Wanna talk about it?” The demon asked as she shook her head in response. She cried regularly for others but she wasn’t much for crying when it came to herself and when she did, it was often over nightmares she wouldn’t tell him about. “When you’re ready, I’ll listen. I don’t like to see you so upset and not be able to do anything to help you, Baby.” It was an offer he hoped she would finally take him up on. She only let out a sigh as she moved closer to him and he reached up to wipe a stray tear from her cheek.

“I’m sorry I was so selfish last night...” She catches his hand in hers and just holds it to her cheek. “You’re not mad at me, are you?”

“No...?” The Avatar of Greed wracks his memory from last night, trying to think of anytime she could have been selfish. “When were you selfish?”

“When I told you I had been assaulted...” Her response only leaves Mammon more confused. He hardly considered that to be selfish at all. She was only trying to reassure him everything he was going through was normal.

“How was that selfish?”

“I made the situation all about me when it should have been about you. I’m sorry.”

“No you didn’t? ‘Rella, Baby, you get to talk about your feelings and things that have happened to you too, y’know. Everything’s not always about me. Actually, it was kinda validating to know you understand what I’m going through.”

“No, I don’t. I just want to help but I always bring things back to me some way or another. My problems aren’t important. They’re not a big deal. I’m just attention-seeking and being selfish a-and-- mmph!”

He couldn’t take listening to his human, his treasure, bring herself down like that anymore, choosing to silence her with a kiss instead. When he pulled back, he pressed their foreheads together as he looked into her eyes, glossy from her earlier tears.

“Do you know what an amazin’ person ya are?” he asks as he rolls them so he’s leaning over her, “You get to talk about these things. Your problems matter. You're not bein’ selfish or attention-seeking when you talk about them. Hell, for somebody whose primary sin is greed, you’re probably the most selfless person that I know. You are patient ‘n kind ‘n giving. You do way more than anybody asks of ya. You give so much love and don’t ask for anything in return for it. I don’t know who the fuck put those thoughts in your head but ain’t none of ‘em true, got it?”

“It.... It was my mother....”

———————————————————————-

Next

Find more on my Masterlist

[wroteclassicaly]

Kristen’s Friday Fic Recs

Hey, loves! I want to increase the positivity in this fandom, and so I am bringing back my Friday Fic Recs! Every Friday, I will link five stories, who they are by, and why I love them! If you’re not in the recommendations this week, it does NOT mean that you won’t be! I’m just doing five recommendations every week, so I have some for next time! :)

I am focusing on some Andy Dolan fics for this week! Enjoy some of my newest favorites! ;)

This one is by the lovely @langdxn

Why I love it : The filthy smut & the way this author writes Andy. His dialogue is spot on! I was reading it in his accent! If you want short and sinful - this is your best bet!

Kiss Me More by @littledemondani

Why I love it : If you know me, then you know I am a sucker for some dominating dudes. And the author brings Andy’s dominate!daddy side out, complete with some sizzling heat! Plus, you get sexy pool water with a wet Andy as your scenery. What could be better than that?

Another High With You by @dark-mei-rose

Why I love it : This one gets me with the slow, hazy, yet fast paced sensuality. The way the author has written Andy and his dialogue, that is something that I adore, and I think y’all will too! It’s sexy, it’s chill, and it contains enough fluff, whilst still keeping up with the vibe of Andy’s persona!

Habits by @king-with-no-crovvn

Why I love it : This is definitely one of my top fave Andy fics - better yet - one of my ALL TIME favorite fics! The author has a specific & unique way of getting descriptions across, taking the reader along for the journey of the story. You find yourself enchanted, feeling eager as you read further along. It’s a dark story, one that doesn’t shy away from Andy’s personality. And it’s hotter than hell, so you definitely don’t wanna miss this one!

You Deserve This by @bloodcoatedeclipse

Why I love it : The author creates some great dialogue and one liners! There’s several things during the smut that stuck with me, but I can’t really give that away, so I guess you’ll just have to check this out, won’t you?

I will be featuring content from these authors next week, but I recommend checking them out :

@sojournmichael @ritualmichael @jimmason

Also, if you’re not listed this week, it doesn’t mean you won’t be! I have a long list of recommendations, loves! And if you have a recommendation you wanna submit for me to share with my followers - send it to my inbox! Tell me the story title, author, and why you love their work/the fic, so that we can help get their stuff out there! Let’s show our fellow authors the love, y’all! Happy Friday ♥️

[thunderon]

O knowledgeable one, as someone who isn't Christian and is not at all interested in God and has zero understanding of biblical references why is the name Wake significant?

*looks around* who, ME??? i don't know about "knowledgeable" but i do have fifteen years of bible school under my belt and dated a catholic girl for like 3 years so i'll give it a go. im hardly the first person to do analysis on wake's name, but i have yet to see someone specifically talk about “wake” and “the sleeper” and all the biblical implications behind it so i guess i'll do it. i personally made a few extraneous connections that i haven’t seen examined anywhere so im going to hit on those right now. this isn’t so much a theory post as it is filling you in on some background of specifically the biblical significance of wake’s name.

buckle up anon because you are about to see the result of what happens when you ask a lesbian who was put through 15 years of church about the Bible.

  first things first. 

as it’s been previously pointed out: Awake These Valiant Dead is a Shakespeare reference from Henry V, but that’s only one line. i think people are missing the biblical reference from Henry V.you can read the full page here if you are so inclined (x)

but before line 138, where Wake's name is from, we get this excerpt starting on line 121:

“For in the Book of Numbers is it writ:

“When the man dies, let the inheritance

Descend unto the daughter.” 

Gracious lord,

Stand for your own, unwind your bloody flag,

Look back into your mighty ancestors.

Go, my dread lord, to your great-grandsire’s tomb”

this has some major implications, so let's unpack it.

as a non-christian, you are probably asking: what is up with the Book of Numbers and why do you think it's important?

basically, the Israelites were held as slaves in Egypt and were liberated by this guy named Moses.  Moses is tasked with taking the Israelites to the Promised Land (which is basically a paradise where God said the Israelites can go and live). the book of numbers is recounting this journey to the Promise Land. in the bible, the Israelites find the Promised Land, which is called Canaan (hmmm where have we heard that name before?).  the Israelites send 12 spies to scout the land and the spies come back and report that it’s “overflowing with milk and honey” (i bet you’ve probably heard that phrase) but there’s also these giants living there. the Israelites get too scared to take the land, which pisses off God and he goes “fine. y’all can die in the wilderness then. this land will be for your next generation since u guys wanna pussy out”. okay that’s not verbatim but it’s the gist. the book of numbers eventually ends with the Israelites needing the cross the Jordan River and the Promised Land is left for the next generation to inherit. obviously muir draws on these aspects from canaan house and the river in her books. now back to the quote  i pulled from Henry V and Wake's name:

“For in the Book of Numbers is it writ:

“When the man dies, let the inheritance Descend unto the daughter.”

this i think the daughter is referencing gideon (the daughter of both God and Wake). as to what exactly her “inheritance” is... i think we’ll have to see. but the closing line:

“Go, my dread lord, to your great-grandsire’s tomb”

well, all im saying is that tombs have kinda been a bit of a big deal with these books.

side detour (im going somewhere with this so bear with me)the book of Numbers immediately followed by the book of Deuteronomy. now why is that relevant? Deuteronomy and my gal, Judith Deuteros.

The book of Deuteronomy is basically a shit ton of laws for Christians. which Judith is the exact personification of. she literally spends all of her appearances in gideon the ninth arguing for order, the following of Imperial Law, etc etc. now in the book of Dueteronomy, an interesting order is given. starting in Deuteronomy 12:29, the worship of Canaanite gods is forbidden and the order is given to destroy their altars and to execute the Canaanites living in Canaan. this parallels Judith in Canaan House killing teacher and wrecking the place. i think Muir foreshadows that Judith will play a pivotal role in AtN. in the bible, there is actually a woman named judith, who i think is the namesake of our judith. the actual Biblical Judith  kills an invading commander via beheading him. originally i assumed this was meant to be Teacher, but from Judith’s defiance of BoE in AtN, im not so sure. and at the end of AtN, Marta says “she’ll give them hell” which i think really means something. but i could go on about that but i’ll stop here.

now back to your original question about wake. an interesting additional name for wake that i think carries additional implications is when ortus dubs her “the sleeper”. biblically, the relevant quote is Ephesians 5:14:

“Awake, sleeper,

And arise from the dead.”

this is just so in your face ya know? commander awake, the sleeper, rising from the dead. im sure you get where im going with that. now. with that being said i’ll talk a little about the non-biblical stuff. i was a massive Edgar Allen Poe fan growing up and so i immediately picked up on Muir's references to Annabel Lee, The Sleeper, etc in HtN. the closing lines from The Sleeper are as follows:

“Some sepulchre, remote, alone,

 Against whose portals she hath thrown, 

In childhood, many an idle stone— 

Some tomb from out whose sounding door 

She ne’er shall force an echo more, 

Thrilling to think, poor child of sin!

 It was the dead who groaned within.”

now. that is the second quote about wake that references a tomb and now we have the mention of a sepulchre. THAT has some motherfucking implications. especially because in the poem “Annabel Lee” she's famously said of having a “sepulchre by the sea”. John refers to Alecto as Annabel Lee and harrow describes the tomb on the ninth as follows

“Beyond the doors there’s just the rock,” she said. “The rock and the tomb surrounded by water...The water’s salt, and it’s deep, and it moves with a tide that shouldn’t exist. The sepulchre itself is small, and the tomb...”

again. IMPLICATIONS. i know there’s also the argument that this is all a decoy and Anastasia is the body on the first etc etc. i still don’t know what to think. these are just all pieces of a puzzle ive been holding onto and think are neat so im sharing them with you. i know this is just a hot mess of everything but that’s how i operate sorry. feel free to ask more questions and i would LOVE to answer anything for you :)

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep10: Kaiba Embarrasses Himself on International Television Again

We start off this duel by teasing us into believing that this is a part of a theme park:

The Kaiba theme park is a weird mix of actual horrorscapes and animal crossing cutesy stuff...you can really tell what parts were Mokuba and what parts were Seto in this park.

But Leon takes it well, just kinda standing there as he’s done this entire arc--being a general forgettable nice boy who just...doesn’t do anything. Like he gets up, he plays cards, he sits down. Having him on top of a rock with melodramatic Little Mermaid waves crashing at his feet is laughably the opposite of Leon’s whole vibe.

Leon just seems like the type that listens to coffee shop ambient Youtube videos when he wants to amp himself up. This kid appears to attend a private school...somewhere...I think, and just went to a dueling competition in his school outfit because he literally doesn’t have a style of his own hanging in his closet.

Like Yugi wears his school outfit, but he does that ironically, to off-set the amount of makeup and hair spray he has in his hair. Leon wears the school outfit maybe because he admires Yugi so much, but is like “time for my rogue bow I wear in my hair. That’ll scare my competition.” He completely missed the point of the 00′s alt school outfit scene.

I do way too much art to not see the imagery. I feel like this is half my job, and playing “where’s the hidden Freudian meaning?” is half the fun of going to any art museum.

(read more under the cut)

Anyway, Seto got tired of no one paying any attention to him, so he stepped out of his 14-monitor mancave, he very quickly pulled his Dragon outfit out of the (dirty) laundry, flicked a couple sea crabs out of his pockets, spritzed it with Febreeze and called it “good enough.”

Like, is it just me, or has dragon jacket greyed out a tad from last season? Like it’s starting to get a little...worn? Like what funk is coming off of Seto Kaiba right now?

Also notice that he brought his giant stash of cards to the duel. He’s going to put on this show as if he’s not going to pull out the giant stash of cards. But like...he’s going to pull out the giant stash of cards. Like Hell boring ass Leon is going to play his deck of Candyland characters again.

Leon is declared a winner on Technicality and it’s like.

Damn Seto, for reals?

So congrats, Leon, you did literally nothing, again, and yet you mystifyingly  persist on this show. Clearly you aren‘t going to grow a second head out of that ponytail like professor Quirrel in the last act of this arc.

That’s when Yugi’s hazy memory recalls something from the Before Times of “that time period before I was possessed by a needy ghost that eats up 3/4 of my memories and time.”

So Schroeder is Atari. Neat.

Also, this makes Zigfrieds outfits a hell ton more endearing when you realize he’s this Willy Wonka game company owner making toys for children. Kinda makes you wonder why Seto’s such a stick up the ass in comparison when it’s like--dude Kaiba, maybe you could learn a thing or two about whimsy. It could really help out your inconsistent park.

Anyway, Kaiba quickly realized who hacked the park and so, understandably, he asked Zigried to leave, which...backfired?

Y’all card culture is a lot. Everyone in the audience covered their faces in shame because they were so embarrassed by Seto Kaiba and I’m like...not sure why? Because he didn’t do a duel? Against this guy who snuck into his tourney not unlike Rex and Weevil? This asshole?

Recall that the last time Seto played a guy who had a fake name it was Marik freakin Ishtar and he killed a LOT of people (actually, it was Alister, pretending to be Pegasus, but he also killed a lot of people so that still tracks). Card culture can’t seem to learn from their mistakes, although Seto clearly sees the problem with dueling a professional hacker in a digital card game on a hologram that may or may not be able to murder you. At least its not a magic.

And so, tired of being humiliated on television, Seto decides to bust out the dueling gloves (well, not those gloves. You know what I meant) and use the equipment he BROUGHT WITH HIM and clearly never intended not to use in the first place.

(I hope you enjoy this dutch angle that wasn’t quite dutch enough, so it just looks like they’re lounging)

Roland patiently walks over from...somewhere? I don’t know where Roland comes from whenever he pops up, but he waltzed over to hold onto this suitcase as if that’s a formal part of his job.

I say this so often but like...I don’t know what Roland’s job is. He’s like a valet/butler/duel referee/duel cheerleader/CEO/and I will spend the rest of this series trying to understand it. Part of me is like...could Roland be a temp worker at an agency who just gets rehired for a different Kaiba Corp job every couple of weeks?

That weird ass fourthKaiba, I will never understand Roland.

Just one letter away from being a Zigfriend, Kaiba. Just one letter away. I know this because I misspell friend a LOT.

Zigfreind? Zigfriend? Damn it, both of them look the freakin same to me, this sucks! Why can’t I spell friend without autocorrect!?

Just the amount these two fight when Seto clearly barely even remembers who this guy even is.

Leon shows up in the seats, pretending that he’s totally cool about winning on a technicality right after Zigfried went on a rant about how shameful, irredeemable, and mortally embarrassing winning on technicalities are.

He seems to take it pretty well, smiling, sitting next to Rebecca, and then dissolving right into the background because this kid’s whole deal is being way too nice to exist on this show.

Y’all we just had that art meme where people were redrawing that “How to draw manga face” and guys...that’s what our anime used to look like.

I mean look at that uncomfortable chin there, that tapers in for some reason. Those eyes melting off of her face. The lack of any 3d sense. This was an anime ideal for a very, very long time.

Anyway, the “how to draw manga face” is a perfect masterpiece and never needs to change. (But it is fun to make fun of it although I guess the person that drew it was actually a kid, which makes sense from a publishing perspective to have a kid make a book about how to draw stuff for kids.)

We see a little flashback of Schroeder and why he hates Seto Kaiba, and can I just say, I kind of love this little outfit. Kind of a shame that it’s stuffed into a flashback.

Which is when we found out that Zigfried thinks Seto Kaiba did a plagiarism.

Which is hilarious because it was Gozaburo Kaiba who was plagiarizing Seto, so like...who did it first?

OK guys. Lets talk about this.

APPARENTLY, there was some sort of contest to work with Pegasus...kind of like an architecture contest (which is a thing, when a city is doing a big project, they send out a call, and big firms will compete to see who builds it) and I GOTTA know what Pegasus’ theme was.

Like did he say to all the little rich kid geniuses “I would like something that makes my cards ALIVE, can you do that?” Then when Pegasus got a hell ton of holograms and was he like “But ALIVE--it makes it alive, right boy?” And when he was shaking the hands of each stupid kid was he like “So if I hypothetically put my dead wife on a card and slapped it into the machine--could she EXIST. Like...enough? I just need her to legally exist is all, and not like..literally of course...but enough literally to be a sin against God, can you do that?”

I just want to know if Willy Wonka Wonderkid Von Schroeder had any idea he was creating a resurrection chamber for a dark wizard. Like he has no idea that he dodged getting his business bought straight from under him and his soul shoved into a card. And it’s not like Schroeder was going to abduct Yugi’s Grandpa and ensure that Yugi would be there to save him down the road. Like I’m pretty sure Schroeder would have been sacrificed waaay before that whole island contest even went down.

Zigfried got so freakin lucky. I can’t believe he’s mad. But then again...

...the man swims in milk pools so like...maybe his logic center is busted? Maybe he wanted to die in a horrific murder island? I don't know what Zigfried is into, but I do know that because Zigfried doesn’t have millennium rod powers linking him to the millennium eye--so would it have mattered? There’s destiny reasons that Pegasus chose Kaiba.

Course...we never found out where the scales ended up, have we? We think it’s Shadi, but have we seen Shadi bust those out since Season Zero?

Man that would be a good plot twist that will absolutely not happen.

Yo, make horse guy into a dark wizard, show, I dare you!

Anyway, that’s all for now, but if you want to read from the beginning, here’s the link:

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

[waterparchive]

Woodrow Whyte — May 19, 2021

"I don’t know if I want a lot of musicians I love to know I exist because then the possibility of them thinking I suck comes into play"

To quote a famous drag queen, the cheek, the nerve, the gall, the audacity and the gumption of Waterparks to name their fourth album Greatest Hits. It's a bold statement but if anyone can pull it off, it's the Houston trio and their charismatic frontman Awsten Knight.

Like many releases this year, most of the record was written, recorded and produced during the pandemic, and the enforced downtime leant itself to introspective songwriting sessions.

"When you’re alone for so long, it takes a toll on you and forces you to examine yourself more", Awsten said in promotional materials for the album, before adding “When you hear this album, I hope you walk away feeling like there’s no other band doing anything like it. In my opinion, these are our Greatest Hits. As long as you go into it without expectations of prior things, I think it’s going to be your favourite fucking Waterparks album.”

Fans won't have long to find out if the Greatest Hits lives up to its name, as it drops this Friday. To tide you over until then, we asked Awsten to take a trip down memory lane with our My Life In 20 questions.

20) What did you learn about yourself in 2020?

I learned that I can stop using social media if I want to. I knew we weren’t gonna be doing anything so I took a good 6 months off and when it was time to come back in September, I really didn’t want to. I broke that addiction to checking Twitter all the time. It was cool though because we also grew a lot in that period, so I didn’t have to feel guilty for taking that time.

19) What was your favourite album from 2019?

FANDOM. I make all the songs I wish someone else would because they’d be my favourite band if they did. I’ll also say Igor, Amo, Weezer (Black Album), When We All Fall Asleep..., Anonymous, 7, prob some others but the wiki list is very long and I still have 18 questions to go.

18) What was the most important thing to happen in your life when you were 18?

Graduating high school, I guess? Getting a car was good too! I got my permit late because I was scared to drive and didn’t really care about going places, what a dope guy!

17) Who was your crush at 17?

I’m kinda blanking. Maybe Miley Cyrus?? Do people normally remember this stuff?

16) What can you remember about your 16th birthday?

I truly don’t remember it. I was probably wearing a studded belt if that helps though.

15) What did you hate at 15 which you love now?

I hated the straight edge youth crew dudes that would hang out at local venues and crowd kill when there were only like 40 people, like bitch you’re 28 and I’m 15, stop punching kids you my children my bride looking bitch good lordddd corniest dudes ever, looking like Christian Joe Dirt punching kids for scene clout.

14) What TV show were you obsessed with at 14?

I think 14 I was into Dexter. Amazing show but oh my god that ending. I didn’t have opinions back then about quality, but even at that time I was like 

13) 13 is unlucky for some. Do you have anything that you’re superstitious about?

I’m very superstitious. Before shows I need everyone to stay away from me and let me play solitaire. I don’t walk under ladders, you can’t split the pole when you’re walking with people, I sage myself when I come home from anywhere, whole lotta stuff, baby.

12) If you could live the life of any other person for 12 hours, who would you be and why?

Honestly I’m fine being me, but if it was just for like 12 hours uhhhhh Charlie Day so I can do that thing with my voice when he says “OOAH HELLLLAOOOH”

11) Who was your best friend when you were 11?

Everyone I was friends with before music was just a friend via proximity, like we were on the same sports teams or had the same classes. That’s how it is when you’re younger. You don’t choose that shit when you’re younger, you’re just like, 'You’re near me, what’s up do u like Captain Underpants?' That’s kinda the deal until you’re old enough to be picky. I remember being friends with these twin dudes on swim team Benito and Ernesto, shout out those dudes wherever they are!!!

10) Where do you hope you'll be in ten years time?

Somewhere the internet can’t find me. I hope I’m into some stupid shit like boats, no wifi on the water.

9) What was your biggest fear when you were 9?

Ghosts, I think. And yeah, I used to hear voices! Not dope!

8) When you were 8, what did you want to be when you grew up?  

I used to want to be an author/illustrator for kids books and an archaeologist! I’ll still do the kids books but, man, archaeologists have to be in the sun so much and I need to keep my skin cute so people buy my album. Greatest Hits May 21.

7) Which of the seven deadly sins are you most guilty of?

I just googled them for a refresher and it’s all anime. I’d either say envy or anger. By the way, who made this? It’s stupid as fuck that “anger” is a sin, like huh??????? Bitch I’ll kill you.

6) You can invite six people to your dream dinner party (dead or alive), who would you invite?

No dead people at my dinner party, gross smell. Here’s the thing, I don’t know if I want a lot of musicians I love to know I exist because then the possibility of them thinking I suck comes into play, and if someone like Donald Glover actively had the thought “god, Awsten sucks”, I’d be devastated. So I don't know if I want anyone in that realm to know who I am, I’m cool with loving them from afar.

I’m gonna say a group of people who have nothing to do with me. Like, 6 people who are working on the next Conjuring movie and I just wanna listen in on them and be like, “holy shit??????” I love y’all so much. Quick shout out Lin Shaye.

5) Name five things you can't live without.

Besides the obvious ones: dogs, personal space, sunglasses that cover most of my head, coffee, and tennis/biking. I need to tire myself out as much as possible or I get moody.

4) Describe yourself in four words.

Capricorn. Flexible. Weirdly tall.

3) Your top three songs of all time.

The Beach Boys - 'Wouldn’t It Be Nice', Rihanna - 'Bitch Better Have My Money', and Macklemore - 'Thrift Shop'.

2) Name two things on your bucket list.

A platinum Waterparks album, get a horror music video produced by Blum House.

1) What or who is your one true love?

Having one true love would be scary! Too much emphasis on one thing, too much to lose; can’t put that much on one person either! That’s a crazy level of pressure and expectation! Also Gwen Stefani.

[bisluthq]

Could you explain to me why Dress has gay connotations? I just don’t see it, and it’s been years now.

Yes I can, because that was the song that lead me down this path of sin and insanity. The year was 2017. With more marbles and brain cells and far less COVID, I sat down to listen to the album Reputation. Perhaps I poured a glass of wine first. I don’t recall. I was but a more or less normal, very casual fan who had for many years enjoyed mocking Taylor for her messy ass personal life, supposed hyperconfessionalism and regular PR kerfuffles. One of my best friends and then roommate used to, as I’ve told y’all before, blast Blank Space as a chaos anthem every time we went out. Fundamentally, though I was too cool for Taylor Swift. I was listening for like... general pop culture knowledge because my brain is a treasure trove of entertainment tidbits and gossip. I got through almost the whole album and then I heard the song Dress and I said, “what the fuck did I just listen to?” And I replayed it and I went, “Damn Blank Space. That was gay.”

And that was the fateful day I came to believe in 2+ muses, Gaylor and, I guess, Kaylor as well because my (albeit surface level but even if I’d dug) Googling brought me mostly to supermodel Karlie Kloss’s door.

So why is this song so gay? I’m not even gonna give y’all the Kaylor reading today we’re literally gonna time capsule to 2017 before I knew any of this shit and when the only thing I knew was THIS SONG WAS GAY.

Our secret moments

In a crowded room

They got no idea

About me and you

Okay so they’re out and about. What secret moments? Like looks and stuff? I mean bold of her to assume nobody knows it’s pretty easy to convince people hets are fucking especially if they’re giving each other meaningful looks and shit. Idk like people whisper and gossip about hets just looking at one another all the time. This seems like she’s a bit overconfident in their sneakiness.

There is an indentation

In the shape of you

Made your mark on me

A golden tattoo

Right so whatever is happening between the speaker and the subject of the song has had an impact on her. This isn’t a thirst anthem. Like the secret moments aren’t because they’re just... looking at one another respectfully and kinda doing that “your place or mine” telepathic conversation. No, Tay’s body has a mark, an indentation from the shape of her lover’s body and the whole thing is a golden tattoo - temporary and removable, presumably, shiny and glittery, but visible to the naked eye. So shit’s already gone down. Friends with benefits maybe?

All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation

My hands are shaking from holding back from you (ah, ah, ah)

All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting

My hands are shaking from all this (ha, ha, ha, ha)

Nah, not simply friends with benefits. This is forbidden, right? Taylor can’t touch her lover. All they have are these secret stolen looks in the crowded room that absolutely nobody can tell mean anything. That... sounds like “gal pals” to lil gay me. Like she can’t touch her lover because it’ll be too obvious but as long as they don’t touch it won’t seem sexual at all. It’s not just that they’re friends and nobody knows there’s more going on, because why can’t they be friendly then? Why are they sharing secret moments but they can’t come close to the point where her hands are literally shaking from staying away? Why can’t she do that good old link arms with her good guy friend especially if they’re out and tipsy? And then it ends off with orgasm noises because... it’s this song so of course it does.

Say my name and everything just stops

I don't want you like a best friend

Only bought this dress so you could take it off, take it off (ha, ha, ha)

More nails in the coffin of “friends with benefits” and people just don’t know. This person saying her name makes her world stop. This ties into the forbidden vibe but it’s also so innocuous that it does fuck with the “we’re just friends with benefits but I want more” interpretation that a hetsplanation would require. Like this is clearly a lot more. It’s already a lot more. It’s not that she just wants more, this girlie is gone.

And then we get to my gayest line: “I don’t want you like a best friend.” Now I get saying you don’t want to be “just friends” with a guy. I also do get being best friends with a guy. One of my irl besties is Blank Space Chaos Anthem girlie and the other is a (mostly) straight dude. I also have other straight dude friends like my mate who I was trying to rescue from accidentally having to marry a converting girl a few years back. I’m like a (woke) straight dude whisperer tbh because being friends with me is a big win for their woke credibility and let’s be real I’m 1) irreverent and great fun and 2) give great advice on girls.

Now I can guarantee you my proposition to fucking any of my dude friends from besties to casuals would not be “I don’t want you like a best friend.” They’d be like, “my bitch wut? Are you with Pothead YouTube Ex again? Tell her BE GONE WITCH!” And sure, maybe that’s just me. But if was already fucking a dude I can guarantee you the words “I don’t want you like a best friend” would not exit my mouth. It’s not “I don’t want to be friends” or “I don’t only want to be friends” she says “I don’t want you like a best friend.” The implication is there’s an appropriate way to “want” a friend and the way she wants the person she’s speaking to is not like that. It’s a similie, she’s comparing the subject of the song to a best friend and saying this is not like that. Now, explain to me why that level of clarification is important in a fwb setup? You’re trying to make it more serious, I get it. You don’t want to be “just” friends with benefits (and we know they’re already fucking) I get that too. But why the similie?

Why would a dude you’re fucking ever misunderstand and think you want him like a best friend?

Carve your name into my bedpost

Cause I don't want you like a best friend

Only bought this dress so you could take it off, take it off (ha, ha, ha)

I mean again, if we needed clarity on why this is a sex anthem it’s the first line of this song. And she’s saying “have sex with me because I don’t want you like a best friend” again, they’ve already fucked that was established in the first verse. Why would this be stuff you clarify with a dude? Why would a man who is fucking you get the wrong impression and assume you want to be best friends? Not friends. Best friends. Why would he think that?

And then we get the dress line. Now, I know some people are like “I dress up for my boyfriend!” and sure. But let’s all be honest. 85%+ of the time girls of any sexual orientation wear outfits out - and we established this is an out type situation - it’s for other girls to notice their fashion. Come on, you’re not expecting your dude friend to be like, “nice dress, where’d you buy it?” “Oh, this? Hahaha it’s just Zara, they were having a sale. If you hurry you might get one too!” Like there’s something inherently sapphic/feminine about discussions of buying clothing. And come on, fellow queer ladies, clothes is a great way to get a chat going.

In this song, Taylor draws attention to this feminine article of clothing she bought to wear on the night in question and instead of saying “it’s Zara” she goes “I only bought it so you could take it off” - I’m doing an eyebrow wiggle but you can’t see because I’m just text on your screen. Why would you say that to a guy? Like if you did, if you’re that girl why are you holding back from him? Y’all are fucking and you have a massive thing for him. Surely he should know by now? Why is this dress even featuring in the conversation? Like I say bringing up a dress you bought in a conversation about sex feels pretty fucking gay. It’s either a really bizarre and kinda desperate flex which doesn’t really match the sexiness of the song or... it’s gay.

Inescapable

I'm not even going to try

Girl you’ve fucked why is there a point of trying at this stage? Unless you... can’t do this or it feels in some way wrong?

And if I get burned, at least we were electrified

Why the I/we split? Like why is only one of them burned if they were electrified? Sure maybe it’s a fwb thing and he can turn her down for more than sex and friendship but it sounds more like - given the best friends - this is her female friend and she’s maybe uncertain of the other woman’s feelings. This feels - and again we’re not doing a Tay’s personal life reading here - like one of them can be fully destroyed by this but despite that reality they are both lit up and hurt in the process.

I'm spilling wine in the bathtub

You kiss my face and we're both drunk

I mean this isn’t inherently gay it’s just sexy, get it Tay. This sounds hot.

Everyone thinks that they know us

But they know nothing about

All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation

What do they know about you? Like again we’re not doing the Tay reading thing but like what’s the sekrit? She’s fucking her friend? Why don’t they know anything about this? Surely they can imagine it’s a possibility? Like however unlikely, why does nobody know anything about this?

The next chorus is the same as the one above and I still have no hetsplanation for it. Like especially in the broader context of this, again, very gay song.

Then we get a very straight bridge. It’s like it’s from a different song or was written much later:

Flashback when you met me

Your buzz cut and my hair bleached

Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me

Flashback to my mistakes

My rebounds, my earthquakes

Even in my worst lies, you saw the truth in me

And I woke up just in time

Now I wake up by your side

My one and only, my lifeline

I woke up just in time

Now I wake up by your side

My hands shake, I can't explain this

Aha, ha, ha, ha

Okay but this is a completely different vibe to the... entire song. The rest of the song was about the other person not being sure and that being the issue. “I don’t want you like a best friend.” So why: “I woke up just in time”? Like “if I get burned at least we were electrified” but then... “I woke up just in time” - is the rest of the song like a weird nightmare? That’s not, to me, enough of an explanation. She spends the whole song in sexy anxiety pining after someone who cares about where and why she bought her dress and then she’s like “you’re everything to me” - it doesn’t make sense.

The rest of the song is the chorus again. As I’ve said, I don’t see a hetsplanation for it.

This is a gay song. The bridge isn’t and the line about the bathtub isn’t inherently. But the rest of this song is gay af.

[redrobinhoods]

“you have to let me go” | Febuwhump 2021

TW: Major Character Death

A/N: Y’all ready for the most tender whump I have ever written? AU where the clones’ rapid aging stops at 18 or a serum was administered to some to stop it.

Summary: A stormtrooper is sent to kill a Jedi.

AO3 Link | Febuwhump Index

Tatooine was hot. It had every right to be, with binary suns that beat down relentlessly onto its sands that reflected their rays across the landscape, making everything awash with golden light.

He had been golden once too.

But no longer. He had not been golden in a very long time, long enough for the clone to question if he ever was, or if he had just bought into the propaganda. Either way, his armor was as bare as the armor of the young men around him, save for the orange pauldron denoting his rank. The Imperial Army was the first one in which he had served where he felt that everyone looked the same. There was no identity for a stormtrooper.

“Target identified. Identity confirmed.” Read out the man beside him as he peered through the macrobinoculars. “Guess our information was correct.”

“That would be a first.” The commander said impassively. The officers who surrounded him believed him to be a man prone to deadpan comedy. The rookies, for they were called rookies now, believed him to be humorless and cruel. The commander wasn’t sure himself which side of the spectrum he fell on anymore.

“You can say that again, sir.” Laughed the heavy weapons specialist beside him. He fell into the first category. He also had a name, but the commander had stopped associating names with the men under him long ago. He knew their names, their numbers, their entire history within the Imperial Army, but once the white armor fell over his body, they were all indistinguishable stormtroopers.

The commander drew his blaster. This was a battle fifteen years in the making, he would not fail his Empire again. “Let’s move out.”

The Jedi spotted them immediately and switched his course away from the crowded streets, heading into back alleys and quiet roads. He was anticipating a fight and drawing them away from civilians, a move the commander knew well and approved of. His men did not have the trigger disciple that had been installed in him. Stray blasterfire followed the Imperial Army like the commander’s sins.

The Jedi led them into a deserted hanger before stopping, turning around to face them and dropping his cloak, but not yet igniting his blade. “May I ask the occasion?”

The commander was silent, frozen in place at the sight of the man before him. The fifteen years that had marked their parting had not been kind to the Jedi, but he was still unmistakably himself. He could hear one of his men reading the articles of the purge to the Jedi, but it was lost to him as he held back the emotions that he had put away at the end of the Clone War. He would not fail to them again.

The commander was the first to raise his blaster, looking down the barrel straight at the brush of hair he used to push away from the man’s forehead, and fired.

The man reflected the blaster bolt away from them as his lightsaber sprung to life in his hands.

The commander’s squad moved in, opening fire all at once, the blasterfire overwhelming for all but the most-trained Jedi. But Obi-Wan Kenobi had been a Jedi Master and a practitioner of Soresu. Watching the man’s blade arc to reflect away the blasterfire, the commander concluded that he was still a master of Soresu. It was not long before the commander’s squad lay dead at his feet.

“Who are you?” The man questioned, letting his blade fall lax at his side.

“If you’re asking that question, you already know the answer.” The commander responded.

“I want to hear you say it.”

“A stormtrooper commander in the service of the Empire.” He had no name now.

“Well, you must be rather prestigious if they sent you.” Kenobi was baiting him, but he’d had fifteen long years to respond to the bait.

He let his blaster fall to the floor and reached for the vibroblade dagger at his side. This death would be personal. There was no mercy in his strikes as he swung the blade at the Jedi, forcing the man to dodge or to bring up his blade in protection. Forcing him to strike back. The commander went for the Jedi’s throat, leaving himself open to attack. His strike was blocked by a hand around his wrist and he felt the heat of a lightsaber on his own throat, even through the layers of armor.

“I have orders to kill you.”

“But that’s not why you’re here.” Those beautiful blue eyes could always read his mind. “You came here to die.”

The commander’s arm was beginning to shake against the Jedi’s grip on his wrist. “I came here to finish what we started.”

“I will not kill you.”

“You won’t have a choice.”

“We both have a choice this time.”

The Jedi’s gravity was too much and the vibroblade fell from his fingers.

“Cody.”

The weight of his name on his enemy’s lips was enough to finally fell him. The commander’s legs gave out from under him and the Jedi fell with him, catching him in his arms and pulling him close.

“Cody.” Obi-Wan whispered as he wrapped his arms around Cody’s body, pulling his helmet to rest in the crook of his neck.

“I’m not- I’m not-.” He couldn’t bear to say his former name anymore.

“You have always been my Cody.”

If he didn’t know any better, he would have believed it as he allowed himself to melt into Obi-Wan’s embrace. The years had not been kind to the man, but the body under Cody’s touch was unmistakably that of the man whose love Cody had locked away from himself for years, alongside their names. When the embrace ended, Cody sat up and slowly removed his helmet, baring his face. The distraction worked as Obi-Wan’s gaze locked on his features, and Cody snatched the lightsaber from his grasp. He had not held a lightsaber since the war, but he remembered how it had once felt in his hand as he pressed the metal to his breast. “I have my orders. Kill you or die.”

Obi-Wan’s fingers wrapped around Cody’s, prying them away from the ignition. “I cannot allow either of those things to occur.”

“Please.” He could see Obi-Wan’s eyes soften at the desperation on his face.

“I won’t hurt you.” He protested, just as Cody had imagined he would.

“You could never hurt me. I won’t feel a thing if you light the blade.”

Obi-Wan shook his head. “I just got you back.”

Cody’s hands fell from the handle in defeat. Himself he could hurt, he would push his body until it broke, but the pain that he was inflicting on the man he had sworn to never hurt reflected on himself tenfold.

“Come back with me.” Obi-Wan drew the lightsaber away. “Come to my house, eat with me.”

“I will not eat. If you do not kill me, I will allow myself to die rather than obey the Empire.”

Something broke in Obi-Wan’s eyes. “You will eat, and you will watch the sunset with me, and you may lay by my side if you wish, and I promise you, you will not wake.” One last day.

“I accept.”

---

The blankets covering the rough bed were coarse, but they enveloped him as softly as Obi-Wan’s arms, wrapping themselves around Cody’s waist and pulling him close so that his bare back was pressed to Obi-Wan’s bare chest. Then the warm skin behind him pulled away to be replaced by the gentle brush of Obi-Wan’s beard as he pressed kisses to the scars covering Cody’s shoulders, some familiar to him, most not. The tension in Cody’s body melted away with each kiss, each dedication of his former general’s love for him.

“Do you want to…?” The request died on his lips with uncertainty. He was content, but he couldn’t read Obi-Wan’s mind like the man could read his.

“Not if you’re not up for it.” Obi-Wan pressed a firm kiss to the base of Cody’s neck before pulling him back to his chest and resting his head on the nape of his neck. “What do you want?” He would not intrude on Cody’s thoughts without permission.

“Just hold me.”

Obi-Wan pressed his lips to Cody’s skin once more. “I’ll never let you go.”

“You’ll have to let me go one day.” Cody huffed.

“No, no I don’t.”

“I want you to.”

“Relationships are about compromise, my dear.”

For a few moments, Cody was silent as he weighed his next words. “I still love you.”

“And I you.” Obi-Wan reassured him. “I don’t think I ever stopped loving you.”

“Even after I tried to kill you?”

“It wasn’t you. We were both victims.”

Cody closed his eyes and brought up a hand to rest over Obi-Wan’s crossed arms. “Thank you.” He could face death without remorse in his lover’s embrace.

---

He woke to find death not so different than life. The familiarity of the room he had fallen asleep in, the still-warm bed at his back, his feeling of himself in his body. But when the smell of cooking reached him, he realized why.

“You lied to me.” He spat as he stormed into the kitchen.

Obi-Wan, fully clothed now, stood over the stove watching over a frying pan. “I did.”

Cody collided with him hard, forcing him against the wall. “Why?”

Obi-Wan didn’t struggle under his grip. “Because I love you. I tried, Cody, I tried to keep my promise, but I couldn’t lose you again.”

For a moment, Cody thought that he was going to hit him. But when the rush of emotion ended he found that his arms had remained still as his head moved forward to kiss Obi-Wan. Anger gave way to monumental relief as he took in the breath of the man he loved. Obi-Wan’s hand moved up to tangle his fingers in the short curls that Cody’s regulation cut allowed and pull him deeper into the kiss until Cody’s knees shook. Only then did Obi-Wan allow him to draw away. “Breakfast is burning.”

“I don’t care.” Cody bent back down to press a softer kiss to Obi-Wan’s lips.

Obi-Wan kissed him back as he pushed himself away from the wall, slowly turning their bodies until he had Cody trapped. Then he stepped back. “You will care when the house is on fire.”

Cody stood still in the corner, watching Obi-Wan flip the food in the skillet. When the food was no longer in danger of bursting into flames, Obi-Wan turned back to him. “Come here.” When Cody had crossed the room to stand behind him, Obi-Wan reached back and pulled his hands around his waist. Cody gave into the want without thinking, leaning his head down to rest on Obi-Wan’s shoulder as he watched the food cook.

“Let’s make a new deal.” Cody said.

“What deal is that?”

“I can ask you at any time to fulfill your promise, and you will. But I will refrain from it unless there is no other choice. I will not be a mindless slave again.” He knew Obi-Wan would understand the unspoken part of his request, concerning one order executed unwillingly.

Obi-Wan’s shoulders tensed under Cody for a moment, before relaxing as he sighed. “Okay.”

And promises were kept. Even on the nights when everything in his soul burned, Cody held back from his request as he shook in Obi-Wan’s arms. On those nights, he made himself a different promise- he would see the sunset once more. The sunsets were the only thing on Tatooine comparable to home, when he and his brothers could stand out on the platforms above the waters of Kamino and watch the waves kick up the dying light. Here, the waves of sand spread the pink and purple spread of the dying sunlight around just as the waves at home once had. Maybe they still did, but he couldn’t go home anymore. The Empire had taken that from him too. But they hadn’t taken Obi-Wan, who still looked at him as he had before and whose touch was as gentle as ever despite the rough life he had endured.

In the end, Cody was glad to have found him again. The headaches meant nothing at first, it was easy to become dehydrated on Tatooine, neither did the nausea, the heat that burned down from the suns was nauseating and the blinding sunlight could disorient even the most seasoned being. It was only when he woke and couldn’t move the left side of his body that the problem became real.

He had tried to make light of the situation. “Guess they just go bad.” But he knew, and Obi-Wan knew, what had happened on Ringo Vinda.

That was how he found himself on the cliff’s edge near Obi-Wan’s home, watching the binary sunset color the sands beneath them.

“We don’t have to do this.” But Obi-Wan knew as well as he that they did.

“I will not die a mindless slave to the Emperor. And I will not let that man try to hurt you.” He knelt down in the sand before Obi-Wan. “Please.”

Obi-Wan knelt before him, his head silhouetted like a god by the light of the suns, and slowly drew his lightsaber from its belt. Cody guided the handle to his chest, holding it there while he pressed a hand to Obi-Wan’s jaw and leaned forward to tenderly kiss him, putting all of his love and regrets into the act of love.

“Thank you.” He whispered to him as he drew back, leaving his hand cupping Obi-Wan’s cheek.

“I love you.” Tears were beginning to well in Obi-Wan’s eyes.

“And I love you.” Cody gently wiped the tears away with his thumb as the grip of his other hand tightened on the handle of the lightsaber. “But you have to let me go.”

He had been right before, he never felt the blade. Only his hand falling from Obi-Wan’s face. As the strength drained from his body, Obi-Wan caught him, gently lowering him into his lap. The last thing Cody saw was Obi-Wan’s silhouette in the golden light. Golden. He had been golden once too.

[haos-the-tea]

Rating: 18+ Pairing: Lee Seokmin x Fem!Reader Warning: Thigh riding, Semi Public, Daddy kink, light degradation  WC: 1.6k+

A/N: So, this is the first fic like this i’ve ever done so I hope y’all like it <3

Tag List: @chewmycherry​ @suhdreams​ @hyeri-yah​

“Fuck Princess, you’re really dirty aren’t you. Using me to get yourself off.” Seokmin’s voice urged you forward, grinding down on his thigh as your hands gripped his shoulders tightly. Slowly losing all sense of shame, along with your clothing, your jeans already thrown haphazardly across the small changing room. You weren’t sure exactly how you had gotten into this situation, especially considering you weren’t on the best terms with your co-star. Today you had simply tried to...extend an olive branch, complimenting how powerful his thighs were, and the next he was urging you to get off on them. This was not how you had expected this day to turn out.

You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about Seokmin in this light, especially in those times were the two of you would stage kiss...and he would accidentally actually kiss you. He was an insufferable jock who somehow was also amazing at theatre, he was honestly just too perfect, there had to be something he was bad at. Turns out...that thing wasn’t sex. Honestly, It was almost unfair how quickly you were coming undone from just his thigh alone, but your grinding and his subtle flexing was definitely helping to send you closer to the edge. A strangled moan left you as he jerked his leg up ever so slightly, but it was just enough for you. You heard a small chuckle escape from his lips, much different from his usual boisterous laughter.

“You better hurry up, people are gonna start arriving soon. Call is at 6.” The warning set all your nerves alight. With all that had happened you had completely forgotten that rehearsals would be starting soon, and you would have to go out on stage with none other than the man you were currently using to get off. Your heart sputtered in your chest at the thought of getting caught by the rest of the cast. It brought a strange sense of anxiety mixed with pleasure as you lingered on the thought.

“S-Seok please.” You whimpered pitifully, your hips moving faster as you struggled to reach your high. You wanted more, no you needed him inside of you driving you to your climax with swift thrusts. You let out another moan, your eyes screwing shut as you imagined it. Though that outcome was unlikely, after all he hadn’t even touched you since this started, and at this point you were desperate for his hands.

“Please what, Princess? You’ve gotta use your words if you want something,” The innocent tone of his voice sent a sinful chill down your spine, he knew exactly what he was doing to you and he wasn’t even really doing anything yet. It was a completely different side of the man you knew, the face of pure sunshine that he usually embodied was still lingering below the surface but had taken on a much more blistering visage. 

“Seok please please, I need you.” You muttered between moans, your hips not stopping their movement as you chased your high. You rested your head on his shoulder as you continued, low strangled moans escaping you at ever jut of your hips.

“Well, if you’re a good little Princess and cum for Daddy just like this, then maybe I’ll give you what you want.” You weren’t expecting your body to react in such a way to such words. You had never thought of yourself as an extremely kinky person, but hearing those words coming from Lee Seokmin was enough for you to rethink that stance. 

His hands, which he had previously been using to prop himself up on the table of one of the many vanities inside the green room, reached up and firmly grabbed your hips to help you find your release. This was just enough to send you over the edge, your forehead resting on his shoulder as you tried your best to not moan too loudly. The risk of being caught was too high, especially when you weren’t exactly sure what time it was.

You felt the gentle press of a kiss on your head and his hand lifted to gently pat your head. “You did such a good job, do you think you can last a bit longer Princess?” he questioned. If it weren’t for the fact that you had just cum on his thigh, you would have almost imagined him to be in a much different situation. Taking a moment to catch your breath you nodded, not moving your head from his shoulder.

“I need you to use your words.”

“Yes, Daddy.” You honestly felt a bit embarrassed using the title, but couldn’t stop yourself from letting it slip out at his request. As soon as the words left your lips, he was pulling your panties to the side and letting his fingers play with your entrance before rubbing slow circles over your still sensitive clit, causing you to gasp and squirm against him as you were still far to sensitive from cumming once already. Whimpers leaving you as you as he slowly and teasingly slipped a single finger inside of you. 

“You’re so loud Princess, does the thought of getting caught turn you on that much? Do you want everyone to know how filthy you are?” He questioned, his tone of voice far too cheerful for the words that passed from his lips. He slowly pumped his finger inside of you while he continued. You nodded once again, but this only seemed to cause the opposite of what you were wanting. He removed his hand from your core and laughed a bit as you whined. 

“Such a needy Baby.” He muttered, pressing soft kisses onto your neck as you heard the slow sound of his zipper, lifting your head from his shoulder you glanced down and were met exactly what you were wanting to see. He had a nice curve, and was a bit thicker than your ex Soonyoung. You felt yourself clench around nothing, anticipating the pleasure you would soon be in. “I’m gonna need you to tell me what you want Princess.” You felt his soft kisses turn into small nips at your skin, causing more small moans to escape from you. Testing out different spots before he found one that caused your body to react the best, his lips attaching themselves to the spot, biting and sucking harshly to create a mark that you were sure would be visible at rehearsal. 

You felt his thick member tease your entrance, getting close enough to touch but his hand kept your hips suspended in the air just above him. He seemed to enjoy taunting you more than he was enjoying the act itself. 

“I need you Daddy, please. Please fuck me.” You whimpered, nails digging into his shoulders as you bucked your hips down towards him. His grip hardened, and his lips detached themselves from your neck as he let out a small breathy laugh that caused your toes to curl. 

“I guess since you asked so nicely, but you better keep quiet or I’ll stop.”

You did your best to nod in agreement as he slowly and teasingly lowered you down onto him, sliding into you with no issue and making sure to wait for you to adjust to his thicker girth before pulling out and thrusting firmly back into you. His hands gripping your hips and quickly finding a good pace. Your whole body felt like it was on fire and you tried your best to do as you were told. But one particularly hard thrust had you throwing your head back and letting out a sinfully loud moan. 

Just as he had warned, Seokmin stopped and simply sat inside of you for a moment. His large hands holding your hips in place to keep you from squirming.  You let out a soft sob, clenching around him as if pleading for him to continue.

“I’m sorry, i’m sorry. Please daddy, please don’t stop.” You begged pitifully as you tried fruitlessly to move even slightly. Your body aching for another release, and he knew that, right now you were putty in his hands. “I’ll be quiet, i’ll be good!” You reassured, trying your best to whisper your pleas so that he would continue. 

“You only get one more chance Princess,” the warning had you nodding rapidly, but despite your affirmation it took all of your willpower to not cry out as he picked up his pace once more. The sound of his grunts filled your ears like the sweetest music, which was saying something considering you had heard him sing.

“I wish I could take this slower, treat you to all the things I wanna do with you.” He moaned out as his pace quickened, desperately chasing his high so that the two of you wouldn’t be interrupted by the incoming drama club students. “Treat you like an actual Princess, spoil you real good. I’d eat you out for hours before finally taking you all night. You’d like that wouldn’t you?” 

“Oh god yes, yes. Please spoil me Daddy.” You begged, trying your best to keep your moans as quiet as possible so that he didn’t stop again. Despite his rule, your response seemed to be just what he wanted to hear. One of his hands left your thigh and reached down to rub your clit as he continued his quick pace. 

“Of course you would, my spoiled little princess.” His thumb pressed harshly against your clit, causing you to sink your teeth into his clothed shoulder just to try and keep yourself from moaning too loudly. “Such a good girl, can you cum for me again?”

[disenchantedfaerie]

So many things to say and so many things not to say.

Fandom: This fandom is toxic. There is no other way to put it. It’s toxic from top to bottom, left to right, diagonally. My partners and I discussed this today because we were bored. We whole heartedly believe it starts at the top and by top I mean her majesty of the written word. Of course, now that’s she’s dropped the self diagnosis of “somewhat autistic,” you really can’t say anything because then you’re a horrible person. But she uses that as an excuse for her snark and condescending attitude. Hey. Whatever lady. I don’t follow you, I don’t read your books and aside from the few things I see, you’re no better than the leads. The difference is you’ve been milking the fandom for 30 years; people are waiting for you to finish and you can’t even complete the one that was supposed to be done last year. Yet you continue to yak about this side thing or that side thing and really, I don’t need a JF origin story. We’ve gotten that enough in the 9 other flipping books. You see the pattern here tho folks?

The female lead: She has done her share of being flippant and rude to people on her SM. She becomes sweet as pecan pie on Thanksgiving when she wants to want to launch something though. She was the one who wanted to end the shipper rumors and so IFH happened but sadly when you skirt around a subject and don’t say your partner’s name or take photos of them/with them and only take photos with your male lead in what could be construed as compromising positions - yeah. People will continue to buy what you sell to them. I’ve said it time and again, they are the biggest trolls in the fandom and do more to fuel the ship, even now that she is married to another man who is not the male lead, than anyone else. That’s all I have to say about her. She doesn’t owe anyone anything, none of them do actually, but sometimes being kind goes out the window with the lot of them.

His highness: Where to begin? His “fans” come all the way over here to our little corner of tumblr to hide behind Anon Asks to spew their hate and vitriol to those of us who seem to have opinions that differ from theirs. Namely, he is not a god. He is not someone we worship. We simply come together over coffee and tea and trade stories of current events and talk about the what if’s. My opinion of him is based on his own actions. Maybe all these “fans” want to blur the timeline of events and take it as gospel from his highness that he went on his luxury vacation before the travel ban while the rest of us cancelled ours and many lost jobs and incomes. Well that’s simply untrue. When he was called out, knowing he was wrong, instead of being the sweet, humble, normal guy that everyone says he is, he doubled down, became rude, flippant, went on a blocking spree, posting articles about COVID being no worse than the flu. Did his traveling companion get serious threats. I believe so. I believe he has as well from the same kind of people that come here to our little corner of tumblr, keyboard warriors that hide behind their anonymity and spew hate and vitriol. I also believe that people have gone to Glasgow and stalked his flat, which, come on people. That’s wrong on so many levels. I lived in LA for many years. It never occurred to me to drive to Malibu, Hollywood Hills, Laurel Canyon to actually stalk the celebs. Why? What’s the point? So I can see them in their grungy clothes looking like real people? No thanks. I don’t have that kind of time or energy. Thus the 4 page rant. Hey good for you dude. It’s about time you grew a pair actually but what did it accomplish? Nothing really except people stopped talking about his covidiocy. Why? Not because he wasn’t a covidiot and quite frankly still is (remember, he’s the king of “it’s not worse than the flu”) but because he pulled the mental health card. I think he does have mental health issues. I still have high hopes that some day he will realize this himself and seek the help he needs.

Now these Anons come to our little corner of tumblr and drop their comments saying things like “I hope you get COVID and die. It’s because of you he did his 4 page rant. The people you call mommies are his real fans.” Mmmkay. I used to blindly defend him. I used to buy into his shilling and his ever so sweet exterior, I even bought into the “best fans ever” bullshit. You want to blame us who never name him, her or the one who “writes” in any blog, never hashtag him, her, or the other one or the show, never interact with any of them on other platforms of SM for his 4 page rant, his mental illness, all of his flaws and accuse us of not being fans - fine. He who is without sin, cast the first stone. Perhaps you need to sit back and take a long look at yourself in the mirror as well. Wishing a deadly disease on people, making threats, spewing hatred - isn’t this the exact same thing that was done to his highness and you were all up in arms about it, yet you come here and do it to others and think that’s okay. What makes it okay? Because you’re defending your favorite star? If this is what it means to part of this fandom, part of his fandom specifically, no thank you. When y’all can walk on water, then you can judge me. Until then, judge not lest ye be judged.

I walked away long ago but I’m still human and still have an opinion, everyone does. If he’s your favorite celeb then perhaps you should follow his advice the next time you see something you don’t agree with - suggest you ignore. He’s the one that started the entire “be kind” campaign right? Or does that only apply when it’s comvenient? If you think this is the sort of behavior that will get you on his Christmas card list or the top of his potential list of never ending “girlfriends” - well, good luck. At some point this man (again, he’s a man, he’s flawed, he makes mistakes and he’s not perfect) will fall from the pedestal his fandom have put him on and then where will you all be? He has been unapologetic for all the things he’s done. He continues to shill his swill and all his other crap when a lot people can’t make ends meet. He continues to ask for donations to HIS causes instead of asking people to take care of themselves or their own communities. I love Scotland as much as anyone but my money right now is better served in my community. I ignore most of what they all do, following his own suggestion of ignoring, but things cross my dash and I do not condone or appreciate threats. I didn’t condone it when the threats were directed at him, his traveling companion, or anyone else nor have I ever made a threat against anyone.

I wish to be treated the way I treat others and if you can’t do the same, if you can’t engage with me in a calm, adult manner, I don’t have time for you. You can have a differing opinion than me. It’s okay. We don’t have to agree but we can respectfully disagree and discuss, not argue, about who’s right and who’s wrong. It isn’t cut and dry, black and white. We can agree to disagree and still be civil and still be friends.

My Scotsman added this: When will the games end, when will the games stop? I had high hopes for his highness to lead by example and be better but he’s a follower and he followers her majesty’s lead. He follows his business partner’s lead. He sees her milk the fandom, so why can’t he and he does an excellent job of it. His fandom vote for meaningless awards until their fingers bleed, buy all of his merchandise, buy anything he sells up to and including the ship. Is there an ounce of him being a genuine person left? Yes. He gives us a glimpse now and again but make no mistake, he will take you for what you’re worth. Maybe one day he’ll change and we’ll follow him again. Until then, I’ll be watching like my partner. I’ll be around.

I guess at the end of the day my point is this, the fandom made itself toxic and I highly doubt at this point it can or will turn around. Why would it? All we can do is choose to be part of the toxicity and contribute to it and pass it forward like these precious anons have been doing or we can choose to walk away, scroll on by, try to make the world or at least our little corner of it better.

I’m still disenchanted. I hope one day my wings turn white again with the promise of a better time and place. Until then, take care my friends. I’ll be watching and I’ll be blogging.