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#can't take my eyes off of you
notafanjustpassionate · 4 months
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We can't blame him, can we?? 😌
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shmreduplication · 8 months
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anyone else occasionally get love songs stuck in their head and think "the joker is singing this about batman" and then create an amv in your mind that's scenes of joker holding a microphone w/heart eyes imagining himself stalking and strangling/getting beat up by batman?
because two quarters etc etc
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admiralgiggles · 2 years
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Fun fact: Frankie Valli, who recorded this song in 1967, is also from Newark.
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jimimn · 11 months
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prince ♡
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irafook · 1 year
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You're just too good to be true Can't take my eyes off you
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silusvesuius · 3 months
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nnnnnnnnnnnnno maa'am
#my want to draw traditionally literally split me open for the past week and leaves me literally depressed i'm so serious i can't even look -#- @ my art programs without wanting to throw up omfg should;ve never picked up those pencils#but it's ok i just needed a nap#something so relatable about them i think nelvas has something in it for everyone meanwhile eltl is secluded art museum.#it's very possible to walk around in neloth's and talvas' brains but eltl is off limits. they will NOT! get no drawings like this outta me#wtf r they thinking ........#< eltl not nelvas#something nobody on dis earth can understand ..........#talvas wants to live he likes living but neloth's presence is so strong that it overrides and deletes his will to live.#bruuuuuuuuh#i bet the feeling of neloff is in everything he does if they ever part ways he won't be able to fold clothes or anythign without wanting -#- 2 cry . for what reason . idk bc neloth once yelled at him for folding clothes like shit .what am i on rn#(talvas thoughts mode) I want this old man to hug meeee😢😢😢#NELOFF DO IT and smash him too before i do it first .#me and neloth are the same person tho so it doesn;t matter but w/e#i'm getting emotional over them right now this cannot be real#i love her .... (Skyr1m)#i opened the game for .5 minutes today to take pics of a character uight what a beautiful game.#Te/s having such extensive lore ruins the whole entire game and the franchise but whatever . skyr1m is an art piece that's just how i feel#also this might be a very hard pill to swallow for some people but t*lvas is literally a kin Vessel for young women that keep getting -#- hit on by men twice or thrice their age when they're just trying to live their life .#this feels so profound to me i need dis shit inmy discord bio right NOEW.#Talvas................................#(eyes watering) (holding palm out)#suicide //#just in case but this tag would've gone crazy with my drawings of ulfr*c from late 2022 where i drew him with slit wrists. very artsay#is it not. i didn't like neither of those drawings tho i need to revisit cus i can feel ulfr*c on a diffaraaant level#when will i run out of tags. the way you can tell i just LUH talvas look at me drawing his hair in that second pic 😑BRU#look at me also trying to replicate pencils digitally in the first.. hmmm i don't hate it#at least it soothes me and i don't have pencil withdrawal
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emahriel · 4 months
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everyone: entranced by vessel me: oh, vessel... the man that you are. i wonder what iv's up to- iv:
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all for the game is a not a book series it's a mental illness
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valeriianz · 11 months
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Parent Trap AU part 2! told from Robyn and Orpheus' perspective haha. (part 1!)
“Lemme see!”
“Quit shovin’!”
Robyn hovered above Orpheus, forcing the boy to crouch low so they could both poke their heads around the corner to spy on their dads.
Hob and Dream had been dancing around each other all week. Smiling and laughing and even touching each other with more and more frequency (a tap on the shoulder, a hand on the small of the back, even shoes brushing under the table). The twins’ masterful plan to make Hob and Dream fall in love again seemed to be going well… but just before anything earth-shattering happened, anything concrete, the two men seemed to remember themselves and backed away. To the utter bewilderment and anguish of the twins as they retreated back to the drawing board. 
(Literally. It was a large crayola canvas that Orpheus had in his room to doodle on).
Robyn didn’t get it. It was so obvious Dream– the father he’d always known existed somewhere– still had feelings for his dad. It had been hard to tell, in those first couple days pretending to be Orpheus, but once he’d started earnestly asking Dream about Hob, forcing him to recall stories from the past and watching as he’d smile or laugh softly to himself, his gaze far away and misty, it became clear.
But then Dream would shake his head, clearing it, and change the subject.
Robyn and Orpheus had felt that connection between themselves instantly. That zap of recognition like, “Ah-ha! We were meant to find one another.” Why was it so difficult for Dream and Hob to see it?
Robyn huffed. Grown-ups.
After briefly parting for a couple days, Robyn found himself back at Orpheus and Dream’s luxurious home, under the pretence of one last stay to reacquaint themselves to the idea of shared custody or something along those lines, the boys didn’t really understand it, but what they did understand, was that their dad’s would be sleeping under the same roof. But only for a few days.
And after chasing Cori out of the house (good riddance, the pompous git. The boys made sure to give him hell), Robyn and Orpheus knew they had to utilise their time well, plotting their biggest scheme yet.
They, along with help from Dream’s butler, Mervyn, had set up this elaborate dinner that– oh no, Robyn and Orpheus wouldn’t be able to attend, leaving their parents to dine alone. Orpheus had set the scene: candlelight dinner, serving their dad’s favourite dishes, and (Merv’s idea, bless him for taking interest in the boy’s tomfoolery) soft jazz that would eventually transition into a very special song.
“You’ll see,” Mervyn had winked at the boys as he set up the playlist. 
Robyn and Orpheus watched now, as their fathers sat down for dinner, perplexed at the absence of their sons (Dream looking exasperated and Hob scanning the room knowingly, biting down a smirk). The table was clearly only set for two people, and Robyn had done a fantastic job (in his opinion) of decorating with candles and flowers– he had studied that old photograph of their dad’s, copying the layout of the table they sat at there.
Mervyn came out and poured the wine, which is when Dream inquired where Robyn and Orpheus were.
“Afraid they couldn’t make it,” is all Mervyn said, as if the boys were very busy, tied up in meetings and paperwork and whatever else grown-ups did.
Hob propped an elbow on the table and let his head fall in the palm of his hand, shaking it slightly and fully smiling now, amused.
Robyn grinned too.
It took them a moment to finally start talking, but they fell into it, eventually. Discussing the boys at first, “little tricksters…” pranking Cori, stealing his glasses, setting the dog loose while they had wine and cheese on the terrace, and finally spooking his horse while he and Dream were out riding so the horse galloped wildly into the brush, knocking the ridiculous blond American off his saddle and into the mud.
Hob tried hiding his snickering behind his hand as Dream recanted these events to Hob, but Dream caught him with a woebegone sigh.
“It’s not funny, he sprained his wrist.”
Hob took a deep inhale, gathering himself.
“After all that wine and cheese, I hope he shit his pants, too.”
“Hob!” Dream snorted inelegantly, slapping a hand over his mouth, which only set Hob off again, laughing in earnest now.
The boys had to move away once they heard the squeaking of their own muffled laughter, both hands over their mouths, wheezing through their teeth.
“You’re just as bad as them,” Dream finally spoke after the giggles had worn off.
Hob shrugged noncommittally, mischievous grin still on as he took a long sip of his wine.
“You like it,” he said confidently, eyes sharp.
Dream said nothing, popping a forkful of beet and pear salad into his mouth.
After appetisers was dinner, then dessert. The time ticked away slowly and the boys eventually moved from their vantage point to the kitchen, asking Mervyn how it was going and the butler shooing them out with barely anything to go off of.
But it was going well, as far as the boys could tell. The conversation between Dream and Hob was flowing steadily, Dream giving out his smile more and Hob unable to take his eyes off of him. The grand finale was coming up and Robyn and Orpheus held their breaths as the jazz flittered out and in its place, a violin came up and both Dream and Hob seemed to seize up at the same time.
Orpheus was beginning to think this was a bad idea, especially as his father sat up ramrod straight, his fingers drumming on the table's surface. And Robyn’s dad looked…
Well, he looked– tortured, was a pretty close description. His lips had parted and he kept looking between Dream and his own hands, which he had begun wringing out in his lap.
“You’re just too good to be true…Can’t take my eyes off of you…”
A male’s voice crooned through the speakers, but Robyn and Orpheus paid it no mind as they silently watched their fathers.
Finally Dream met Hob’s gaze and held it. The boys held their breath, too. Wondering what was going to happen now.
“Do you think they know?” Hob asked quietly, so quiet that Robyn barely heard him speak.
“It’s our wedding song, of course they knew,” Dream sighed, casting his gaze up to the ceiling.
It was Hob’s turn to tap his fingers on the table, thinking, and making his mind up about something as he pushed his chair out and stood.
Orpheus took Robyn’s arm and shook it as Hob stepped up to Dream, dipping slightly and offering his hand.
“Dance with me?”
Dream stared at Hob’s hand, lips parted. Robyn felt himself shaking with the effort to remain calm.
Dream swallowed, Robyn could see from here.
“Do you think this is wise?” he asked in a whisper, eyes flicking up to Hob.
After a moment of tense silence, nothing but the song quietly playing, Hob took a long breath.
“It’s our song, we can’t not dance to it.”
And as if that was sound enough logic, Dream carefully took Hob’s hand, fingers elegantly curling around it, and allowed himself to be pulled up and led to a spacious spot away from the table.
Hob took the lead, using his hold on Dream’s hand to pull him close, the other hand circling his waist and causing Dream’s eyes to flutter shut as he willingly stepped closer, their bodies nearly touching, his own hand resting on Hob’s shoulder.
Robyn and Orpheus could barely watch now, from this angle. They scooted back out into the hallway to find another spot where they could see more clearly.
The only other option was from above, a loft directly above the dining room which was Dream’s study, a place Orpheus wasn’t allowed to be in by himself, but he figured this was a good enough excuse to break that rule.
Orpheus led the way, quiet tiptoeing turning into a full blown sprint up the stairs and around the corner, shushing themselves as they got to the door of his father's office and quietly pushed it open. The music was louder up here, closer to the speakers that hung from the ceiling, so they wouldn’t be able to hear their fathers if they spoke, but they could properly spy on them now without being seen or heard.
Robyn followed Orpheus’ lead and crouched down, crawling forward on his tummy and poking his head out through the railing and peeking below.
Dream and Hob were still swaying to the music, just as close and eyes open, gaze locked to each other. They had picked up momentum now that the song was more than halfway over, the second chorus coming in with trumpets and bringing the rhythm up to something more infectious, more daring as Hob’s grip around Dream’s waist circled around the small of his back, holding him tighter as he began to spin them around the room.
Dream’s long legs kept up as Hob visibly loosened up, leading them in an informal waltz. Robyn caught his dad’s wide, toothy smile every time he turned and he could see his face clearly. His eyes seemed to sparkle. 
Orpheus nudged Robyn. “I’ve never seen my father smile like that.”
Robyn had noticed that Dream was smiling, too. But it was lips only, parting every now and then, like he was holding it back, biting his bottom lip afterwards to keep it at bay. But his eyes lit up in a way that was almost unrecognisable, focused solely on Hob.
Hob’s hand on Dream’s waist dropped, taking his other hand suddenly and taking a step back, turning Dream in his hold so his back was against Hob’s front, and spun him out, Dream following along with a surprised yelp and laughter that the boy’s heard from their vantage point.
When Hob pulled Dream back in, they were closer than before, chests flush together and noses bumping fleetingly. 
The song was coming to an end, fading out as Hob and Dream slowed in their dancing to a standstill. 
Orpheus gasps next to Robyn. “They’re gonna kiss.”
“Shh!” Robyn bumped his elbow to his brother’s side. 
The boys held their breath as the song finally ended and another one started, instrumental jazz again. The men stood so Robyn and Orpheus could see both of them from the side, watching with bated breath as Hob brought up Dream’s left hand and kissed the knuckles, eyes glued to Dream’s.
Hob said something, his lips moving, unable to make out from here, but Robyn could see how Dream’s eyes widened as Hob dropped his hold on the other hand, moving his up to cup the side of Dream’s face.
Hob leaned in, agonisingly slow, eyes half-lidded. 
And was met with Dream turning his face away, so not even the boys could see what expression he gave off.
Hob’s head dipped, defeat radiating off him, his forehead resting solemnly on Dream’s temple.
Robyn had to bite his tongue to hold back the groan of frustration that bubbled up in his throat. All Orpheus’ and his hard work!
Dream swallowed again, his jaw twitching, saying something, to which Hob shook his head, finally dropping his hands and ripping himself away.
“Hob, I’m sorry…” the words barely made it up to the twin’s ears, spoken by Dream, broken and thick.
Hob shook his head again, a painful, false smile plastered onto his face as he took another step back, then another, putting more and more distance between them.
“No…” Orpheus bemoaned, sitting up slightly. “What’s happening?”
Hob said something, quiet, before finally turning around and walking out of the room.
A long, heavy moment permeated the air, made doubly awkward as the music continued to play.
Dream stood, wrapping his arms around his middle.
And the boys simultaneously rolled onto their backs, staring blankly up to the ceiling.
So they missed the way Dream wiped a hand over his eyes, took a steadying inhale, and ran after Hob.
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Title: Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You {One-Shot}**
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Title: Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You {One Shot} **
Lewis Hamilton x GF Reader
Warning: Cursing, 18+ Mature Content, Fluff, NSFW, Smut
Words: 4.7
Synopsis: You are Lewis' date to the opening night of his LH44 Charity Gala. It is a night of performances and interviews, and you are in awe of your man. You find yourself mesmerized by him the entire night.
Note: This was inspired by the above picture and further sparked by a song, Lauryn Hill's version of “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You”. It fit so well. I won't lie the above picture even had me stop and state for a few minutes. Lol.
As always, thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy this.
If you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!!
***NOT Edited/Proofread***
***Pic Not My Own, Found on Pinterest***
✧*.。:。✧*.:。✧*✧*.。:。✧*.:。
You had the perfect view from where you stood. You were across the ballroom surrounded by at least a dozen people all talking to you about something of importance to them, how wonderful the evening was going, how amazing you looked, or how spectacular the man of the hour was. Your man.
Tonight was the first-ever charity gala event for LH44 charity, and it was also the first official outing for you and Lewis as a couple. You'd tried to talk him out of it but he deemed tonight fitting to be your official announcement because it was also the charity's official opening night. Tonight would be an endeavor of love with performances, speeches, and spoken word all done by the youth from underserved communities in hopes of spreading diversity and improving representation where it counts. Lewis thought there would be no better night than tonight, a labor of love from both ends.
The more you thought about how he'd proposed the idea, your heart fluttered. You loved this man more and more every day and you knew soon you would be an absolute goner.
"Did you know he is the most charitable athlete?"
A gorgeous woman in rose gold whispered to her friends who nodded looking equally as impressed as those around her who'd heard. It was true. Once he was ranked in the top 5 of generous athletes but now he'd surpassed even that. Your heart expanded with the pride you felt. He served the praise and admiration he got.
The clamor of voices begging for a moment of his time and attention got louder and drew your attention. There he was standing in front of rows of reporters who were holding out mics and cameras to catch every word he said.
The man always held everyone captivated when he was around. Always. You watched him talk with his hands fastened behind his back and you nearly went weak in the knees. The orange he wore only brightened his face and the perfect lighting made him look ethereal--angelic even. You gawked at him marveling at his gorgeousness. Sometimes you couldn't believe there existed a man as pretty as he was. It was unfair really.
The butterflies in your gut took flight again for the umpteenth time tonight. It seemed only seconds passed between moments he took your breath away. Heaven help you, you could possibly already be a goner.
Just then, Lewis' eyes trailed around the room as he spoke and landed right on you. You released a soft gasp as you pressed your palm to your stomach. A slow smile spread his lips before he winked at you and that was it. From this moment forward this man would have an unfair hold and advantage over you.
You tried to tear your eyes away but couldn't so like a stalker you stood there staring at him. You didn't know how long you remained that way but the next thing you knew he was standing before you. He leaned closer and brushed his lips against the shell of your ear.
"Mmm," he moaned, "Rose, Gardenia, vanilla, and brown sugar. Your scent has been following me all night, kitten. I've craved it," he whispered.
He'd craved your scent? You nearly scoffed. It was hovering on embarrassing how much you craved his. Lewis took your hand, laced his fingers with yours then smiled.
"Are you all right, kitten?"
You nodded, unable to think straight much less get words out. He smiled again then led you through the crowds toward the tables. Everyone you passed you both nodded your head and smiled. Once at the table, Lewis pulled out your chair and allowed you to sit before pushing it in. He then joined you, sidling a little closer than the predetermined location the chair had been.
You smelled his cologne, and it infiltrated your senses having an almost mind-numbing effect. Your thighs parted slightly just as your breathing picked up. In only half a second you felt like you'd run a 1000-meter sprint with the best of track and field.
"I can't get over how enthralling you look tonight. I thought we'd look like 2 Sesame Street characters in this orange, but you make me look good."
You snorted.
"Damn right I do. Orange just might be your new color, love," you flirted as you softly caressed his cheek.
Lewis's smile was adorable as he took in the compliment. When he turned to kiss your palm your belly flipped yet again making you take a sharp intake of breath.
"Are you all right?"
Swallowing back down your heart that had leaped into your throat, you nodded.
"I'm super proud of you is all."
Lewis leaned closer making a direct line for your lips, but a sweet tiny voice called for him.
"Mr. Hamilton?"
To his other side stood an adorable girl about 7 or 8 with a timid smile on her face. Lewis gave your hand an apologetic squeeze before he turned to her with the brightest smile.
"Well hello there pretty girl."
A small crowd gathered around to watch the interaction and every face looked even more enamored with him than before. You watched the girl give him a bouquet of flowers, yellow sunflowers surrounded by multi-colored wildflowers, and a photo album that was filled with pictures she'd drawn and painted, all of him.
Her mother let Lewis know that the girl was a huge fan of his and never missed a race no matter what and how inspiring he'd been to her. She went on to thank him for his charity work because he was the reason the girl, Azbeka, was able to study at a prestigious school.
Your eyes stung with unshed tears at how stinking cute all of this was. Lewis asked the girl if he could hug her then melted when she threw her arms around him. Collectively, the crowd let out an "aww" which made you melt. As you felt your ovaries painfully beg for the essence of him, you grabbed your glass of champagne and chugged it down hoping to douse the sudden onslaught of feels that made you crave a tiny replica of him to cradle in your arms.
There will be none of that, Y/N, you said to yourself in your head, determined not to let your body work against you. Not tonight. If you fell prey tonight of all nights you knew you'd end up the mother of Lewis Hamilton’s firstborn. Crossing your legs you held on tightly to what remained of your wits.
As the night progressed you listened to the heartfelt stories of those in attendance, watched musical performances, and even heard speeches from those who had been greatly benefited by Lewis' charity. The smile on Lewis' face never slipped. With every performance and every personalized account, he looked happier and happier, and the more he smiled the brighter he glowed.
You were so enraptured by him that no one else managed to get much of your attention. Several people joked about the way you stared at him which made you hide behind your hands from embarrassment. Every time someone brought it up, Lewis' large hand found its way to grip your thigh where the split of your dress fell open. Every time he did that your belly flipped.
Halfway through the night when you felt him squeeze you again, you knew that he knew his effect from the glint in his eyes. Lewis licked his lips then slyly bit his bottom lip.
"You're awfully quiet, kitten. Are you sure you're all right?"
You leaned to his ear then whispered, "You're just too good to be true. I can't take my eyes off of you. It feels like heaven when we touch. I can't wait to hold you. This thing that we found and that's finally ours--I just thank god I'm alive because I can't take my eyes off of you."
When your eyes met his you saw the thin veil of water welling in them, then he clenched his jaw right before his Adam's apple bobbed.
"Ehm."
He lifted your hand to his lips then peppered kisses across your knuckles. Across the way, someone called his name then beckoned him over. He raised a finger in the air indicating for the party to give him a moment then he leaned to you.
"I love you so much."
Your heart once again launched itself into your throat. You'd imagined when those words would come out of his mouth for the first time. You wondered if it would be when you were entangled in each other's arms, doing mundane things like cooking together or working out, or even when you were around friends and family. You hadn't imagined it would be when you were surrounded by hundreds of people with eyes and cameras on you for one of the most important nights for his foundation.
You pouted and fought the tears that wanted freedom. Lewis stared deeply into your eyes overcome with emotions that were plain to see on his face. As you were about to speak his name was called again. He cleared his throat then dabbed the corner of his eye.
"I have to go."
You nodded and watched him walk away. Every few steps he looked back at you as if he thought you'd slip out on him now that the words had been said. Did he think you didn't feel the same? The thought was almost unbelievable. He was Lewis Hamilton. Everyone loved him. Everyone. There was no shortage of people who tried to get in with him and get under him.
As he did yet another interview you watched as his eyes found yours every couple of sentences. Even from where you sat, you could see the love in his eyes, and you couldn't believe it. He loved you. He really loved you. This wasn't just sex, or companionship. This wasn't him trying to work you out of his system or no strings attached. It was something more, much more.
The longer you sat with his love confession the giddier you became. You wanted him to know how you felt too. However, at every opportunity he was called or whisked away by a cute kid or an eager interviewer making it impossible for you to tell him.
When the crowd of women that were around you broke apart you saw him laughing with a few of his friends that had come out to support him. That was when you slinked across the ballroom with your eyes on the prize--him. When you were right behind him you motioned for his friends to not tell him. Then you wrapped your arm around his midsection resting your palm on his abs. You resisted the urge to feel him up then grazed your lips against his ear. Lewis's body tensed but then relaxed after a few moments as if his body knew it was you.
"I love you,” you whispered.
Your voice came out breathy and low, it was easy to miss but when he spun around to look at you, you knew he'd heard you. He didn't speak, there was no need for words. He just stared into your eyes as if searching them for a lie, but you knew he wouldn't find one. You meant these words. You felt them with every fiber of your being.
Slowly Lewis smiled and then began to chuckle until it turned into an adorable giggle. Then the two of you stood there giggling together as if you were 3-year-olds who'd just shared the silliest secret.
After that, the rest of the event went by in a blur. You were officially on cloud 15, fuck 9. You felt like you'd drank all the champagne in the place. By the time you left and made it back to Lewis' your hand was tightly clasped within his making you giddy with feelings. There was something about when he held your hand that made you feel safe and taken care of.
When his lips found yours in the bathroom as you stepped into the path of one of the many shower heads, you moaned. Lewis wrapped his arms around you holding you against his body. The kiss was passionate and so damn sensual that you quickly got lost not caring that your hair was full-on wet. When he pressed your back to the expensive stone wall, he wasted no time lifting you against him.
"Do you know how many pictures there are of me just staring at you?"
Lewis snorted.
"Are there a lot?"
"Too many. It's so embarrassing."
Lewis peppered kisses down your neck as he rocked his hips rubbing himself against your already wet center.
"Can't believe you have room to feel anything besides this right now. I must not be doing my job right," he said as he took your nipple between his teeth.
You threw your head back and groaned out.
"Oh, Lewis."
Before he claimed your lips, "That's what I thought," fell from his.
The time for talking was done. His lips claimed you with expertise like they'd been crafted for this particular purpose. Raking your fingers down his back you scraped his flesh making him moan against your lips which of course reverberated right between your legs.
"Mmm!"
When Lewis cupped your breasts he rolled your nipple between his thumb and forefinger using the slickness of the water to aid his glide.
"So fuckin' perfect," he mumbled.
Your eyes met and the fire you felt within was what you saw in his orbs. You couldn't wait anymore.
"Fuck me, Lewis."
He grinned then licked your nipple before he sucked in the peak. "You are definitely nowhere near needy enough for me to fuck you."
You tried to reach down between your bodies to fist his need, but he beat you by pressing the smooth hard mass right against your mound igniting a flame right in your clit.
"Fuck!”
"Good girls say please."
"Please," you panted as he circled his hips.
"How bad do you want my dick, kitten?"
You bit down on the spot where his neck and shoulder met making him grunt. His body jerked and for the briefest of moments, you felt the tip of his erection dip between your folds.
"Ha, yes!”
The pleasure was short-lived because Lewis pulled free then lowered you in the same breath. In seconds, you were face to face with the stone wall as Lewis pressed his hard cock against the swells of your ass sending your cheek pressing into the cool surface.
"Your ass is a thing of beauty."
To push him over the edge you wined your lower half then popped your hips sending each ass cheek shaking.
"Mm."
A heavy hand fell onto your ass spanking you once, twice then a third time. Lewis then gripped your hips as he rocked forward nudging his hard cock between your ass cheeks. It was a sight you had to see, so you glanced over your shoulder and watched him buck back and forth. Each thrust forward gave you a peek-a-book look at the swollen tip of his length and the mushroom tip held you captivated.
"Mm, you look so good between my ass baby."
In response, Lewis pushed down on his shaft allowing it to drop down onto your bottom with a heavy and wet-sounding "thwack".
"Whose ass was that?"
You smiled. "Yours baby. It's all yours."
With a sinister grin, he dropped down then spread your cheeks before burying his face between your legs.
"Oh fuck baby!”
His intention wasn't to tease you or to prepare you for him but to drive you absolutely bat shit crazy. As his tongue laved at your folds he sloppily slurped your flesh using the water that cascaded down your body to aid in producing the nastiest sounds that even a porno would be jealous of.
Your fingers scraped at the wall desperately trying to find something to hold on to as he ravished your pleasure trove. However, there was nothing to hold onto, nothing to keep you from exploding so that was what you did. Exploded.
You came all over his mouth shaking as the wetness gushing out of you competed with the spray from the showerheads. Lewis moaned and slurped up every drop then stood looking like the Cheshire cat who had time for a drink. He was soaked and from the way he licked his lips, he looked like he was ready for more.
When he pressed himself against you again he cupped your breasts.
"You taste like champagne and mangos. Fuck I can't wait to bury myself so deep inside of you that you can't breathe or think."
Holy shit you thought envisioning just that. Just when you were about to take matters into your own hands you smelled his body wash just before Lewis began giving you a very special bath. He used the excuse of getting you clean as a front to feel you up and tease every single part of your body. By the time he was directing you under the showerhead, you were more than ready to return the favor.
While wrapped in a cocoon of his scent you slowly rubbed his body making sure to get every nook, slope, and sliver of skin. The milky suds clung to him and as they evaporated slid down the toned muscles that he'd worked so hard for. When you whirled around to do his back, your inner thoughts slipped out.
"For fuck's sake you're beautiful."
Lewis chuckled then pulled your arms around him so you were pressed against his back.
"Me?"
You trapped his ear lobe between your teeth then nibbled down making him moan. Slowly your hands dipped down his abs until you found the treasure at the end of the pleasure trail. Taking your time, you fisted him then stroked along his length, up and down, up and down.
When he dropped his head back a long groan echoed in the shower. "Fuuuck, Y/N!”
"Mmm, you like that? Like the way my hand holds you just right? Like how I know just what you need?"
Your hand sped thanks to those milky suds that had made their way down his body. In a matter of seconds, he was moaning, grunting, and mumbling your name until suddenly he spun you into the water.
As it cascaded down your bodies washing the soap from your flesh, Lewis' lips found yours, and his fingers found your clit.
"Mmm."
From his actions, you could tell he wasn't trying to tease you. He was trying to make you cum, and you knew you were but seconds from doing just that.
Your breathing became ragged and uneven, and your hips bucked against his fingers needing more than he was giving. That was when Lewis pinched your clit and your body shot upward. If it weren't for Lewis' hand holding the back of your neck keeping your face in front of his you would have physically shot through the ceiling and roof and then into the night sky.
"Aaah!"
"Holy fuck, you're so fucking beautiful when you cum, kitten. That's it!"
The next thing you knew you were in his arms then on your back across the softest sheets ever. You moaned and writhed as you rode the wave of your orgasm, indulging in the way your skin tingled. It all felt so unreal. This man took you over the edge unlike any other before. In your aroused haze you stared at him and tailed his wet body pressing him to memory. You didn't want to forget not even an inch of him. You wanted to be in the middle of a meeting when a sudden flash of this moment attacks you turning you into a smirking mess until you had to excuse yourself to video him to knock one out.
Your eyes locked on his engorged length and your teeth sunk into your bottom lip. He was perfect. Long, thick, and completely intimidating. If you were faint of heart you would have flustered and looked away worrying how you'd ever take him. Luckily you weren't faint of heart. You knew how to take him now. You were a pro.
"See something you like?"
You grinned. "Nope. I see something I love on someone I love."
Those words were all it took for baby girl Lewis to appear. He smirked until he smiled then giggled. How adorable. As he laid on top of you, his knee nudged your thighs apart making room for himself to rest between them.
"Mmm."
A squeal left you as he nipped at your nipple, raking his teeth over the pebbled bud. You wrapped your arms around his neck and held him right there. Lewis took the hint and intensified the pain he delivered with your pleasure.
"Fuck," you panted out wrapping your legs around his waist.
It may not have been what he intended but the strength of your thighs never lied and with it you sent him plunging deeply into your heat.
"Aah,” the two of you exclaimed in unison.
As the pleasure he felt intensified so did his bite around your nipple. Just when you were about to shout out from the pain Lewis pulled his hips back and slammed into you for the second time. Any pain you felt evaporated and morphed into indescribable pleasure. Clenching around him, you came as you bucked against him using his body to heighten your climax. His cock within nudged that hidden bundle of nerves you clenched tighter and tighter around him. The friction against your clit from your writhing brought you closer and closer to another galaxy.
"Uuuugh shit!"
A second orgasm washed over you and Lewis quickly pulled from your body and flung himself onto his back.
"For the love of....fuck!"
He lay there gripping the base of his cock as his head angled back. He looked as if he were being tortured but deliciously rather than unscrupulously. You smiled, then flung a leg over him before sinking down, down, down until every inch of him was snugly fit between your tight walls.
"Mmm," Lewis released watching where your bodies were joined.
"Are you trying to kill me, kitten?"
You rocked your hips making your body roll like a wave coming into the coast on the evening tides. Lewis' eyes roamed over your body quickly falling under its spell. You knew what he liked and often used that knowledge to make him do the thing he hated...cum quick.
Sensing your intention, Lewis groaned and gripped your hips stopping them. You smirked.
"I see my kitten wants to play."
You watched him lick his lips in the sinful way he always did and just like that you lost your train of thought. You sat there atop him just staring at him and again you were mesmerized by his beauty. All movement ceased and the only desire you had was to just watch him. Underneath you, Lewis nudged his hips up giving you a reminder you didn't need that you were completely filled and in the middle of something.
"This dick won't ride itself, kitten."
You snorted then groaned. This was getting ridiculous now.
"This is getting ridiculous now."
He smiled. "What? Can't keep your eyes off ya' man?"
"Shut up it's not funny."
Lewis sat up, clipped your chin between his pointer and thumb, and looked deeply into your eyes. With a luscious peck, he claimed your lips making you moan.
"It's cute. I love when you stare at me. I love when I look across a room and see you looking at me or searching the room for me. I do the same thing it's just you only notice it sometimes the other times you're doing your own thing and I am just awestruck because I got the baddest one. I am as obsessed with you as you are with me. Sometimes I think a little more so."
He brought his lips to your jaw then down to your neck. A moan escaped you as you got lost in his lips on your skin.
"Mmm, Lewis."
"Yes, kitten."
"I love you."
He brought his face back to yours and stared into your eyes.
"I love you too kitten. Promise you'll stay."
You crushed your lips to his then rocked against him making him moan against your lips. With every flick of your hips your body was rewarded with a new wave of pleasure and with each wave of pleasure you used it to make him say your name.
"Fuck, Y/N," he whispered as he dropped his head back bracing himself on his elbows.
In this position, you decided to give him the show he so deserved. You rocked and rolled your hips against him in circles then swirls then a chaotic pattern that kept him on his toes. Within minutes he was groaning and biting down on his lips as he watched every move you made.
When you began bouncing on him his eyes locked on where your bodies joined. You knew you were beyond waterfall wet but you didn't care, you didn't give one fuck that the room was filled with the sound of your wetness squelching from every movement you made. You didn't care that you moaned wildly and panted his name every time he met you halfway sending himself deeper than you thought possible. You didn't give one fuck that you knew tomorrow you'd be sore from the pounding you were giving yourself. All that you cared about was this moment with him and the depth of your feelings for one another finally coming together in the most primal and basic way. The levels of your love for one another were the purest of all.
"God you're gonna make me cum," Lewis declared.
You grabbed his face ensuring he kept his eyes on yours as you raced to meet him at the point of no return. When he flicked his hips upward that was it, the entire solar system exploded and all you saw was the stardust left behind.
"Lewis!”
"Y/N!"
Names spoken in unison led to colliding bodies. With you on top of him, Lewis wrapped his arms around you enveloping you in his warmth and scent branding you in this intimate way. While you loved making love with him you also loved this part just as much. His post-coital cuddles were world class.
"I am so far gone for you and you don't even realize it. You don’t realize how in awe I am of you. You know I like control and always have tight control over myself and emotions but I am always in over my head when it comes to controlling just what it is that you do to me. I am a complete simp for you Y/N. Complete. I can barely hide it and it’s become the joke of the paddock whenever you come around or you're brought up. You're not alone in this. You have me, all of me and I'll never take my eyes off of you."
You lifted your head and gazed into the deep wells of amber that were his eyes and melted. You wanted to say so much more to that but what else was there to say? Lewis' thumb flicked away a lone tear then he pulled you back to his chest so you could hear the source and force of his love for you. And that was what lulled you to sleep. The sound of his love racing for you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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karleksmumskladdkaka · 2 months
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DIABOLIK LOVERS MORE, BLOOD Prize B-2 Drama CD (Mukami Ver.)
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Original Title: DIABOLIK LOVERS MORE, BLOOD B-2賞 ドラマCD(無神Ver.)
Translation: Here! Huge thanks to @otomehonyaku for her hard work ♡ヽ(*´∀`*)ノ
Audio: Here (CD owned by me). Please do not reupload anywhere.
Starring: Ruki Mukami (CV: Takahiro Sakurai), Kou Mukami (CV: Ryōhei Kimura), Yuma Mukami (CV: Tatsuhisa Suzuki), Azusa Mukami (CV: Daisuke Kishio)
Plot: It's Halloween, and Kou wants to have a party! Since costumes are a must for a proper Halloween celebration, he has brought a few home from work, insisting that his brothers wear them for the occasion. While Azusa is happy to go along with Kou's idea, Ruki, and especially Yuma, are less enthusiastic but relent in the face of their brother's stubbornness—something the latter quickly comes to regret.
My Thoughts: As someone who loves both Halloween and the dynamic between the Mukamis, I (unlike Yuma and Yui) enjoyed this one a lot! The CD does a great job showcasing the chaotic and unhinged energy of the younger brothers, while Ruki briefly displays a surprisingly brutal side to his usual snarky remarks. I'll admit that it did make me laugh, which I feel slightly bad for. Poor Yuma, man.
I'm sure that some of you have seen the official art of the brothers in Halloween costumes, but I for one never knew that it was connected to a Drama CD! Much less this particular one, since the costumes the boys are wearing on the disc initially led me to believe that the story would be Alice in Wonderland-related. Like an AU, or a play, or a fever dream of Yui's. But no. The costumes on the art of the disc have no relevance at all to what happens in the story. Ruki is really cute with the rabbit ears and tail though, so I'm not complaining lol.
On a final note, I decided to add the aforementioned Halloween art below the cut, since I figured it'd be a nice inclusion to the post ^^
I hope you all enjoy ( ^ω^ )♡
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hooked-on-elvis · 8 months
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alj4890 · 4 months
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Disbelief
(Maxwell Beaumont x Olivia Nevrakis) in a choices Crackship drabble
Inspired by the prompt: No one believes we're dating
A/N My writer's block finally eased up! Woo! This idea was originally part of my Crackship series involving these two, but I decided to go a different route to their reveal. I still wanted to write this scene for them and thought, why not share it? So here we go, an alternate universe within an alternate universe 🤣
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Masterlist
"I've got to find a man." Penelope wailed.
While the other ladies of the court expressed their sympathy, Olivia merely rolled her eyes.
"Madeleine told me again that I needed to find someone after my mess up at the fashion show." Penelope slumped in her chair. "Even after I doubled the donation, she still insisted I make a match before the wedding shower."
Her violet eyes drifted over to where Riley was talking to Drake and Maxwell. A slight frown formed on her lips.
"I don't care what Riley thinks! I'm going to ask Maxwell to enter into a courtship with me." She glanced at Kiara. "And I think you should ask Drake!"
Hana's jaw dropped.
"Penelope!" Kiara gasped. "I don't think I--"
"You have such a crush on him!" Penelope argued. "Isn't it time to finally give in to your fan--"
"Tais-toi!" Kiara exclaimed, looking about to make certain no other nobles overheard their conversation.
"Perhaps," Hana gently interjected, "we should instead focus on why you think Maxwell is right for you."
Kiara breathed a little easier now that the conversation wasn't focused upon her own hopeless love life.
Penelope practically beamed as she went into a list of reasons Maxwell would be a good match.
"He's so sweet! He's always smiling, even though he's stuck with a scandal in his house." She sighed while staring at him. "He's also kinda dreamy. Those blue eyes of his are to die for! And--"
"And he's taken." Olivia declared.
Three pairs of eyes blinked at her in confusion.
"Taken?" Penelope repeated in disbelief. "What do you mean?"
Olivia finished off her glass of wine. Standing up, she addressed the clueless trio with a bit of smugness.
"I mean he is already in a committed relationship."
"With whom?" Kiara asked.
Penelope released a little cry that she attempted to muffle with her hand.
"It's Riley! He's in a relationship with her! That's why she didn't return to America after being caught with Tariq!"
Hana shook her head. "I don't think that's--"
"It isn't Riley!" Olivia snapped. "It's me."
"You what?" Penelope asked.
"I'm the one dating Maxwell!" Olivia announced.
Silence fell upon the group.
Then, a snicker slipped out.
Kiara and Penelope began to laugh to the point tears twinkled in their eyes.
"You and Maxwell Beaumont?" Kiara guffawed.
"Like that would ever happen!" Penelope wiped her eyes as more giggles burst forth.
Hana seemed to be the only one noticing Olivia's short fuse igniting. The longer the two ladies laughed and joked about how ridiculous the notion was, the more menacing Olivia became.
"Why is that funny?" She demanded.
"Because!" Penelope exclaimed. "He's super sweet and just adorable."
"You're more..." Kiara tried to find the right word to describe the duchess.
"Stoic?" Penelope offered.
"Hmm." Kiara tapped her chin in thought. "She is that, yet much more emotional."
The two pondered the notion a little longer.
"You don't like fun." Penelope declared.
"Excuse me?" Olivia bit out.
"Of course she does!" Hana argued. "Just because your idea of fun doesn't match up with hers doesn't mean she--"
Olivia silenced her with a slash of her hand. Though she was grateful for Hana's defence, she was more than capable of fighting her own battles.
"Regardless of what you think," Olivia hissed. "Maxwell and I are together."
"Do the Beaumont's owe you something?" Penelope teased.
Kiara laughed at the notion. "It must be an enormous amount of debt some ancestor of theirs was unable to pay."
"Unlike you," Olivia leaned forward, bracing her hands upon the table, "I don't need any reason to have a man want me."
She straightened her shoulders then smoothed her black dress down. "Maxwell's always been in love with me."
With that, she turned on her heel to join his group.
***************
"I'm so sick of these functions." Drake grumbled. "It'd be different if they actually fed us instead of these little appetizers they occasionally send out."
"I think it's called an amuse-bouche." Riley told him.
"Yeah well, I'm not amused." He mumbled.
"It's supposed to awaken your palate." Maxwell added.
When both Riley and Drake looked at him curiously, he shrugged.
"I heard it on some cooking show."
"Makes sense." Riley teased him. "I mean, it isn't like you grew up with all this fancy dining or anything."
"The lessons were boring." Maxwell explained. "But the food rarely failed to please. "
"Uh huh." Drake rolled his eyes. "Anyway. When do we actually get to have dinner?"
"Probably after Liam and Madeleine are done talking to our hosts." Riley nodded toward the far side of the room.
The trio quietly observed the group speaking to Liam. The way he stood, firm and unmoving let them know that negotiations were not going well.
"Ugh." Drake slumped back against the wall. "We are never getting out of here."
"We're going to starve!" Maxwell clutched his growling stomach. "I can already see a faint light growing brighter in the distance."
"We could always sneak out for a snack." Riley whispered.
Drake and Maxwell perked up at that suggestion.
"I'm game." Drake whispered back. "I hate to leave Liam, but the needs of the many and all that."
"I'll grab Hana." Riley added.
"I'll get Liv." Maxwell turned to leave to do that very thing, only to find himself yanked back by Drake.
"Why in the hell would you get Olivia?" He asked.
Maxwell blinked.
"Um, because she's my girlfriend."
Riley and Drake stared at him for two heartbeats before they burst out laughing.
"You almost had me there Beaumont!" Drake slapped him on the back.
"Your face!" Riley spluttered. "You were so serious!"
"But she is!" Maxwell argued. "Olivia and I have been in a relationship for a while now."
"Uh huh." Drake snickered. "And Liam's decided to make me his fashion expert."
Riley giggled even harder at that notion.
"It's the truth!" Maxwell declared. "I've been in love with Liv for ages. She realized we should be together and--"
"Stop!" Drake pleaded, doubling over.
"I can't breathe!" Riley gasped.
"Guys, I'm telling you the--"
Maxwell paused when Olivia slipped her arm around his waist.
"Kiss me." She demanded.
Without missing a beat, he pulled her into a long and tender kiss.
Riley, Drake, and the ladies Olivia had left behind stared in astonishment at the sight of the two entwined.
When the kiss came to an end, Olivia's smug smirk flashed.
"Want to get out of here?" She asked him.
"With you?" Maxwell's dimpled grin appeared. "Always."
She stepped out of his arms while glaring triumphantly at Penelope.
Lacing his fingers with Olivia's, Maxwell let her lead the way out of the banquet hall.
She led him near the table where Penelope and Kiara sat with Hana.
Pausing once more so they could easily hear her, "Max? How would you like to stay the night with me?"
"Absolutely!" He exclaimed with a grin.
"We didn't get to finish what we started the night before." She continued once she heard Penelope's frustrated squeal. "I think we'll need all night to finally get," she lowered her voice to a purr, "completely satisfied."
Before anyone could react to that blatant hint, Maxwell gripped Olivia's hand and dragged her out of there.
"Maxwell!" She snapped as he pulled her down the street. "Slow down!"
"We have to hurry!" He told her. "That bakery we went to last night closes in twenty minutes!"
She huffed, a slight smile forming at the wrong thoughts she'd planted in everyone's minds.
"You know, we could do more than eat our weight in macarons." She reminded him.
He paused, allowing her to bump right into his arms.
"I fully intend to." He captured her lips in a long, deep kiss. "But I need energy which requires sugar to make sure you wake up completely satisfied."
Olivia's lips curved into an amused smile.
Leave it to Maxwell to find a way to turn a simple dessert into fuel for sex.
Shaking her head in amusement, she takes his hand once more as they hurry on to a nearby bakery.
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bunny-stereo · 2 years
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sinister-things · 1 year
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Can't Take My Eyes off You
Loosely inspired by this post by @fabuloustrash05
⚠️TW: One mention of food⚠️
Synopsis: Hamato Yoshi– or, Mr. Splinter is a very wealthy man, owning multiple dojo's across New York City. When he announces a gala event in hopes of his son, Donatello, finding that special someone, your parent's force you– New York City's "IT Girl" to attend. What could go wrong?
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Everything was set and ready. The food was from all around the world, Splinter had hired the greatest orchestra in town, and everything about the room screamed "I make eight figures!"
To put it nicely, you were an IT Girl. You were beautiful, rich, had deals with multi-million dollar brands, and the media loved you.
You made your way to the food table, heads turning by the mere sight of you.
This event was supposed to last for five hours. You only knew of Mr. Hamato because your younger cousin attended one of his dojo's.
You had never met his son, Donatello, prior to this. You had heard of him and his intellect, but had never met him in person.
"Oh, mi gosh!" You heard a voice squeal.
You turned to investigate the sound, only to find a humanoid turtle donning an orange bandana standing a few steps behind you.
"Hello, can I help you?" You asked him.
He was buzzing with excitement. "You're Y/N, you were on the cover of Vogue last month!"
You chuckled at his excitement. "And you are?"
"Oh–" The boy blushed, "I'm Mikey, I'm a really big fan," Mikey told you. "Can I take a picture with you?" He asked bashfully.
"Sure!" You popped the last finger sandwich in your mouth and crouched beside him, flashing your famous smile.
He waved as he walked away, cellphone in hand, likely to post the picture somewhere.
You continued on with your night, chatting up a few of your other rather famous friends.
"Not to sound rude, but," You furrowed your eyebrows. "Why are you here? You already have a girlfriend." You asked.
Your friend Kelly, a model, huffed. "My sister was invited, and you know she can't be left alone for more than five seconds," she laughed.
The two of you heard a gasp, followed by an "Oh my god, it's you!"
You both turned to see your mutual friend, Iseul, a kpop idol. You smiled as the three of you caught up with each other's lives.
You three laughed and genuinely had a good time. But during the entire conversation, you had a weird feeling. Like you were being watched.
▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎
From across the room stood– for lack of a better word, the prettiest girl in New York.
Y/N L/N, the quote-unquote "IT Girl" of New York was talking with two other girls. Kelly Blare, a model from Newfoundland, and Kim Iseul, a Korean singer known for her stunning appearance.
Y/N was mostly known for her modeling career. For some reason, brands fought to the death to even have one of their products in the background of an Instagram post.
She was on every billboard, every cafe window, every magazine cover, everything! You couldn't walk down the street and not see her face.
Everyone knew who she was.
Everyone knew her name.
Mikey was a big fan of Y/N, using her modeling shoots as inspiration for his various art pieces and following her on every social media he had.
The press adored her! Always praising her actions and beauty, painting her as this divine being who could do no wrong.
And Donnie would be lying if he said he didn't have even the smallest crush on her.
Donnie never expected himself to be one of those lovestruck fools, blindly admiring someone he barely knew. In fact, he laughed at the idea. Him, falling in love? Heavens, no. Impossible!
He never cared for the various celebrities and socialites his father met with. But when he saw you, something changed.
He hated to admit it, but the gossip was true: you were more beautiful in person than in a picture.
But there he stood, face redder than Raph's mask. A bead of sweat ran down the side of his head as he watched you laugh at something Kelly said.
Pathetic. He was pathetic.
You had captured his heart, just as he feared someone would. The sight of you nearly making him forget how to breath, captivating him with your presence alone.
But you looked so unreal! You've most likely had thousands, if not millions of people profess their love for you. What would make Donnie stand out from the rest?
Donnie's heart stopped when the two of you locked eyes. He dropped the glass he was holding and found himself running in the direction he came.
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You chased after the person. "Wait, come back!" You called to them.
You found yourself running through the various hallways of the estate, the person not stopping for a second.
"I just wanna talk!" You called desperately, picking up your speed.
With every twist and turn, you tried calling out to the person, hoping to persuade them to stop and talk.
The person ran out the nearest door they saw, you quickly following in pursuit.
Your legs burned, begging to rest. But you weren't going to until you stopped this stranger in their tracks.
You climbed a steep, grassy hill. There was a large, looming tree standing at the peak, a bench underneath it. Sitting down, you smiled.
"Hi, what's your name?" You asked. That was a good conversation starter, right?
"I'm Y/N," You told him, hoping to gain his trust. "I like your suit!"
The person scuffled to the other side of the bench, you only following. They fiddled with their jacket for a few seconds before muttering a response.
"I'm sorry..."
You were confused. "For what?"
"For staring..." He admitted.
You bounced your knee, a smirk growing on your face.
"Well," you leaned forward– not to close, but close enough that you could see him blushing. "I'll forgive you if you tell me your name."
He bit his lip, looking to the ground. Sighing, he met your eyes.
"Donatello..."
You gasped. "Donatello? As in, Donatello Hamato?" You asked him curiously. He nodded.
"And you're Y/N," his ashamed frown began turning into that of a smile. "The prettiest girl in New York,"
You're reaction was a mix of shock and flattery. "Well, I think you're the smartest guy in this city," you told him.
Donatello's face went red. "Really?"
You nodded, "I've heard of all the different kinds of tech you've made, it's pretty cool!"
His face lit up, smiling like a child who saw Santa Claus. Someone praised his tech? He's been waiting for this!
The two of you rambled on about your interests, your passions and your dreams for hours.
From the corner of his eye, Donnie saw April and his brother's cheering him on from inside the house.
He rolled his eyes, ignoring his family and his blush for the time being, focusing his thoughts and smile on your adorable rants.
He sighed, realizing what was happening to himself. He, who laughed in the face of Cupid, was head over heels for the prettiest girl in New York City.
In the span of four hours, you had managed to make him smile and laugh more than he had in a single month.
But down the line, you and Donatello are as happy as can be. Whether sixteen or sixty, one thing is for sure: he couldn't take his eyes off you.
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dont-offend-the-bees · 4 months
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Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.
#I've sort of made a new friend? Like we met at the same art group and he's also trans which was like pleasantly surprising in our small town#but like. We have Differences Of Opinion#and it's not totally his fault because it sounds like he's had a Lot of bad shit in his past that's obviously made him wary and closed off#but like. He's slightly older than me (only 4 years) and keeps blaming a load of his problems on other trans folks?#like you know the type. The like 'all these nonbinary/other identities the kids are doing are complicating shit'#the 'it hurts to see people younger than me inc. kids get hormones thrown at them when I still can't get 'em' (which... yeah not even true)#and he's told me himself he doesn't engage much with the queer community bc it's too 'toxic'#and like. I can absolutely understand why he could've had some bad experiences esp. since he has some mental health shit going on#but he wants to be friends bc he doesn't know anyone else going through the medical shit and it's like. Yeah no shit you don't?#you decided the community you'd find them in is toxic? and that people in them are doing being trans wrong?#and I think if he was just some guy online I'd like roll my eyes and ignore him#but he's a real person in my vicinity and I feel fucking bad for him#and I can see how much self loathing he has and how much that probably informs the bullshit#like he told me he thinks that trans men and cis men are fundamentally different categories and trans men will never be cis men#but not in a 'the experiences are just different and come with different perspectives way'#in like a self defeating way. Like a I just have to settle for being a trans man way.#and it made me SO SAD#like bro#I'm so sorry for whoever the fuck made you feel like you're fighting an unwinnable battle#and I want to be a friend to him. I want him to feel like there's other queer people out there and there's friends and hope#but also I genuinely could see him being the kind of person who would get really angry at you for no fault of your own#like I already get the distinct feeling he resents me a little#like obviously not too much since he still wants to hang#but he's been trying and failing to get HRT for years and I got it super quickly basically by sheer luck/a doctor who looks out for me#like I'm so fucking lucky. And I just genuinely feel like he's the kind of person who might take that personally.#I just do not think I have the fucking. Emotional tool kit to salvage this shit#But I also can't exactly text him and say sorry I don't think we should hang out so. What do.#.....I wasn't even LOOKING for a new friend! I have enough friends!!! I wanted to make clay faces and look at pretty buildings dammit!!!#now I have to be the emotionally mature one who goes hmmm maybe let's not blame other depressed trans kids for our problems buddy#I'm just gonna have to be like. Upfront about my stance and if he doesn't like it well he doesn't have to hang out with me
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