#cant do readmores on mobile sorry!!

[hag-darling]

So I came back from a... "vacation", yesterday, where I went to another state with my aunt and grandmother to see my mom.

I enjoyed seeing my mom immensely, and she spoiled the rest of us rotten. No problems there.

But my aunt is like, super conservative and kept making off-color comments AND kept gushing about AirBnB the entire time (she runs one and says she wants to run more once she gets her real estate license). Also whenever I brought up Zach she would make comments about us having children, which made me uncomfortable. Like, we were talking about hotels, and I mentioned one the Zach and I stayed in while traveling for a wedding that had a huge walk-in shower, and she was like "Ohh, this is bad to say but that's one good way to give your mom grandchildren!" Stop.

But on top of all that, my grandmother has dementia. She is still lucid much of the time, but it's getting to be really bad. You would be hanging out with her all day, and it would seem fine other than bad long term memory... but the moment you would turn the corner, she would forget you existed entirely. With her mind making something up to fill in the blank.

I went to bed early on Friday night because I was so physically and mentally exhausted from taking care of my grandmother all day (I led her everywhere, helped her in and out of the car since her legs were bad, depressed from her bad moments, etc). The rest stayed out in the living room right outside my door. Minutes later, I hear my grandmother talking.

"Where did that man go?"

"What man...?"

"Wasn't there a man with us today?"

"No."

"Well, who was it?"

"Are you talking about Jessica?"

"Jessica? I don't know a Jessica."

"Yes you do, it's your granddaughter."

"I have a granddaughter?"

My grandmother kept forgetting me in particular the entire few days we were there. We were all in the truck driving back home and she kept forgetting that I was in the vehicle with them. Kept forgetting my name and everything about me in general. My heart was broken so bad.

It didn't feel like a vacation at all. I'm more exhausted now than when I had first left. And I feel terrible for complaining about it, because I got to see family for it, and they paid for ALL of the food and lodging and travel while I was just along for the ride. But now I'm just tired and depressed after those 3 days.

I don't know. Sorry for complaining.

[geminitiger]

i realized i dont really like mv teasers it ruins the surprise and hype sometimes like i always remember in 2015 that fatefull day one direction dropped the drag me down mv unannounced and we all collectively had a menty b,, like i miss that feeling and kpop likes to take a year teasing everything about a comeback and sometimes i like it but sometimes it dulls my excitement like can i please just listen to the album dawg

[petvles]

...

[caffstrink]

this is very unexpected but do you happen to still have that rose lalonde lyricstuck comic you did ages ago? i really enjoyed it and i cant find it anywhere. you would make an anon really happy if you post it again 🙏

Ok anon first of all youre a real one for knowing me this long, second of all i hope this is the lyricstuck you mean bc if its not then it means its youre thinking of a different artist and youll have to keep searching and it means ive exposed my cringe laundry for nothing

Song is thread by now now

IM ON MOBILE AND READMORE DOESNT WORK IM SORRY EVERYONE

Im so fucking mad tumblr doesnt let me post the rest so ill have to reblog and put the rest. Hang on

[jrueships]

bro how are you always accidentally making polls? i have never accidentally made a poll?? are you okay???

?!?!??! SO IM THE ONLY ONE THAT DOES THIS?????? ....HRMG.

OKAY LOOKLOOK HERE ILL YOUTUBE THUMBNAIL RED RING IT FOR U

see TGAT?? T U A T!!!!!!‼️‼️

THAT S THE!!!!!! THE RED!!! it's not the red ignore that sorry i was looking at my YouTube thumbnail red ring lol quite captivating, my speciman. anyways I KEEP THINKING THATS LIKE A UMMM AN ORGANIZING THING!! LIKE A MAKE A LIST OUT OF UR PARAGRAPHS BUTTON!!!! and im like THISLL MAKE CHECKING FOR SPELLING ERRORS EASIER BCS LESS WORDS ARE CRAMMED :D!!! and then i press it and i get DUPED with DEATH‼️‼️ I CANT DELETE IT!!!! THERES NO X OPTION!!!!!!!!!!! usually that's why the poll happens randomly during my random essays bcs too many word together hurt Thog (me, Ted 🤕) that's also why i rarely ever read any of my posts/anything i ever write like. like the people that don't wash their hands after using the restroom, i am here to do my business... an Leave (sorry for the doodoo comparison. Ive tried thinking of cleaner ones but my mind keeps going to shit, literally) (I HATE SCAT BTW .) ( I MENTION SHIT BCS I AM SIX. I AM NOT SICK .) ANYWAYS yea bcs i keep getting DUPED by the FALSE ADVERTISING!!!

BCS DOESNT THAT LOOK LIKE A LIST??? AM I CRAZY OR STUPID??????? THAT LOOKS LIKE I COULD CHANGE IT INTO SEPARATED DOTS!!!! I NEED SPACING I NEED R O O M to BREATHE!!!!!! i am but a trapped gas seeking escape HELP ME!!!! anyways i think this time i accidentally clicked it tho trying

OMG GUYS THERES A READMORE OPTION REIGHT NEXT TO THE ACCURSED POLL WTF?? I JUST FIGURED THAT OUT BCS I JUST NOTICED IT WAS THERE NOW THAT IM LOOKING AT MY SCREEN ACTIVELY WTF! I DONT HAVE TO TYPE IT MANUALLY ANYMORE??? THATS SO COOL! anyways sorry i think i was trying to click the image option but my thumbs went stupid and sailed to hell srry IM ON MOBILE !!!!!!!!

[butchviking]

can i say something. smthn mentally ill :) thanks. i dont know how to do a readmore on mobile sry :3

i spend a lot of time going back and forth on chest dysphoria and what uhh. Options. i would like to take or not take abt that. and in the end i always decide well this is my body and it is what it is and mental illness is tough but it happens and i know how to deal w it and i will always have ups and downs but my body is my body and i shouldnt hurt it just for existing. weirdest thing abt it is i spend so much time hating it but it never says a bad word about me, it's not perfect but it's mine, etc. and then as SOON as i go to a concert its like. no literally my life would be so much easier and im so so tired i just dont want to wear bras i dont want to wear binders i want to move and breathe freely i don't want things to move i don't want to worry about whats exposed u cant wear smthn loose enough to not constrict at all while still keeping things in place which by definition requires constriction. i wanna just BE. nd sometimes i think i am just wasting years that i could b spending feeling. free. choosing to NOT do that because ???. because why? can't remember. but i d. i don. i ddont wanna kill time like it doesnt matter. do u understand. i dont wanna kill time like it doesnt matter!! waited long enough to be this way!!! [s]he cant change for love [s]he explains how long [s]hes waited for [s]he wanted more. or whatever. u know. ps im also scared/resentful of going the gender clinic again cause they were fucking evil to me last time and theyre kinda evil in general and ohhhh i dont want 2 be involved with u people i do NOT want 2 be associated with. anything. but by god. i want 2 feel free. whys everything so stupid and weird whys everything such a big deal. i love 2 b dramatic about shit that does not even matter to most ppl i love to have a 7-year crisis just for the hell of it <3 someone just fucking knock me out and give me surgery dont even bother waiting for me to give the ok just do it im tired im tired im tired i feel like im always fighting but i dont even know what im fighting or why. sorry <3 i have 2 get this shit out sometimes <3 there are poisons in my brain i think. and i would never punish anyone to live like this it is your choice alone i would never punish anyone to live like this it is your choice alone i would never punish anyone to live like this it is your choice alone. whatever. 🫠

[malewifesband]

idr how to make readmores on mobile so sorry yall #death #personal

my dad passed away the other day and like hes been dead to me for years now. last conversation ive had with him was thru my mother as an intermediary that more or less went "youre dying and i dont really forgive you but you could still be a better person. so do it." and my mom telling me his reply " that hurt 🤕" he just never really knew how to grow into something more than he was, which was a deeply repressed bipolar alcoholic who worked too hard and then didnt have nothing left in him for his family. someone who was real charming to his friends and a terror to his wife and kids. someone who pitted me as a golden child against my sisters, one of whom i never got the chance to really know bc he chased her away and i thought id have time to be friends with her later but she died not long after i moved to washington. and now hes gone too. and my oldest sister could maybe live 70 if shes lucky, but shes almost certainly gonna die young from her ataxia. a family is a barbed wire wrapped around your chest and if you breathe too deeply it will cut into you but as it falls away you find you feel the ghost of it around you still. the memory of it constricts you still and worse yet the world can now tear into you undeterred. what do i do with what i have left. a mother i love who wont live forever, a sister i helped raise but couldnt continue to care for bc i needed to grow up and be on my own, and a sister who i was codependent with and trying to break away from bc she took advantage of me and then hated me for transitioning. i still cant breathe too deep

[mchi22]

idk how to put a readmore on mobile so i cant hide my splatoon rambling this time sorry

IM ON DESKTOP NOW DW

so the splatoonjp twitter posted this pic showing some stuff for lockers thats getting added next update and first and foremost: C-SIDE POSTER!!!!!!!! i hope and pray they add more splatband posters but im not holding my breath

this locker in particular is notable to me for a few reasons. it has a squid sisters sticker, which hopefully means we'll get more inkopolis-based locker items. theres also a sticker of just the Deco logo, which is interesting. the 2 posters on the top of the locker can also be seen in cooler heads, as i highlighted in another post

and i could be wrong, but im pretty sure the little red dudes on the locker appear as a mascot in one of the videos that plays on the animated billboards in the plaza. which would make sense, as the same could be said of monkey crab, who has multiple locker cosmetics

edit: they do, heres a video

[huggingtentacles]

huggingtentacles, as the official judge of all Malenia content and tumblr mutual of. some period of time i cant remember how long its been. that i havent rly interacted with (sorry am shy about talk to ppl ;w;)

should i make a Genuinely Serious Post about Why Malenia Did Nothing Wrong

or do you think thatd be too aggravating for the average person to scroll by. im exclusively on mobile and i havent figured out how to add readmores lmao

Hello person who I often see in my notes, lovely to see you ;>

Listen, I will reblog and consume any Malenia content. But if you're worrying about people just scrolling by, here's what little advice I have.

To my knowledge there's no way to add readmores on mobile, you might wanna open a web browser for that and add one as a last stage in your drafts.

But before the readmore, add a catchy title or maybe a picture that would catch people's attention. My adhd ass scrolls past long text posts with no colours or pictures. After that a short paragraph of what your post is about. Think of YouTube titles and descriptions.

But!!! That still might not work and you could get like 5 notes. That's okay I think you should still write that post. I'm gonna read it!!

[tiredrobin]

nonsense directionless snippet abt an angel meeting a human for the first time. cant add a readmore om mobile, sorry lmao readmore exists now

—

"I've never seen an angel like you before."

I shift an eye to glance over myself, made curious by the statement. I decide, after a discerning moment, that I look exactly like every angel I've ever seen. Given that I have only ever seen myself, this may mean very little.

"I've never seen you before," I respond. It's a bit of a test, at least as far as I can test when I have no basis of knowledge to work off of.

The human—for surely it must be human, as I can see the wavering thud of its blood and the electric pulse of its mindplace—changes. I take too long to discover that the change was only in movement. I peer deeper, peeling back layers, to watch the wet meat of its body stretch and bunch in a million minute ways.

"I haven't been here before," says the human.

It's right. I've been here longer than humans have existed. Or, I'm rather sure of that, though I hesitate to claim it a fact. "I'm learning a lot from this," I inform it, and watch the muscles and tissue that cover its two embedded eyes pulse with quick movement. "Why are you here?"

"I'm supposed to kill an angel," it says.

"What is an angel?"

It does not reply at first. Is it looking for an answer? No, no; through the layers, I can see echoes of something familiar. It's hesitating. "You are an angel," it says.

That's right. It had called me that just before, hadn't it? If I am an angel, the human is here to kill me. "What is kill?" I ask.

The hesitance is brief this time. "End you. Make you stop being you."

"Oh!" I say, surprised. I barely know what being me means, though. I have been here and have done little else but consume the passive trickle of knowledge that slips my way every so often. "Would it be fun?" I ask, because I know what fun is. I like to think I know what fun is. I probably have never had fun before.

"I don't think so," the human admits. "I haven't been killed before."

"Would you like to try it first?"

"No!"

I withdraw, startled by the intensity. The human pulls back too, though not quite as much as I had. Its life pulses faster. I sense an unfamiliar thing from it, a bit sharp, an odd tang. "Okay," I assuage. "Why?"

"I can't come back if I die," it says eventually, after its blood figures out how to move slower.

I assume I also will be unable to come back if I am killed. I consider this carefully and decide eventually that this does not matter much. While I am an angel, the human is not; and I like this human, and I figure it would be fine to not be. I've hardly "been" at all. "Well," I say, and draw closer in a slow way. "I will let you kill me. It might be fun."

"...Really?" asks the human. "I... it might not be fun. You might not like it."

"This is the first time I have ever liked anything," I inform it helpfully. "I like that I like you, and I don't particularly like whatever it was I had been doing before you arrived and turned me into an angel."

A long silence from the human.

"You can kill me," I try again, now hopeful. Even if it is not fun, it will be new. If I do not come back, I will not be around to feel one way or the other about it. "If I end, that seems fine. I think I only started once you came and taught me things. I think that if you don't kill me, you will have to leave. I can see your life going out of you so fast. Then I will be an angel and that," I pause to think, briefly, about being an angel without a human to talk to. It sounds awful. "That sounds awful," I finish.

"This is weird," the human says.

"What is weird?"

"Something outside of the norm."

"What is the norm?"

"Not this."

It's an unhelpful answer, but I am unbothered. "Are you going to kill me?" I ask.

The human has another quiet moment. It feels very much like an eternity to me, but I try not to be upset by that. Humans move different than me. "I don't know," it admits. "It feels wrong. You're like an infant."

"An infant?"

"A very new human."

I consider this. "No," I say. "I am an angel. I have been here for as long as a 'here' has existed. I did not myself exist, I think, until you arrived and made this place move and made me move. I am just an angel. I think you should kill me."

"Fuck," says the human. I wait. Eventually; "Okay." Another tiny eternity. "It might hurt."

"What is hurt?"

"A very bad feeling."

"It might be fun."

"It probably won't be. It isn't for me."

"You are a human," I remind it. "I am an angel. Maybe hurt is fun for me."

"...Right."

[smithsparker]

hello bestiess it's wrapped posting time! i still cant figure out how to do a readmore on mobile so im sorry <3

yes i have gay pirates disease. no i dont wanna talk abt it

(god i really didnt think it would be so high sobs)

[justlittlekatherinethings]

(this isn’t on main bc i don’t have readmores on this mobile version of tumblr. if i can edit one in i will.) cw mental health talk & some negative self talk. and religion woes. and pandemic mention. and cancer mention. wow we are filling up the cw bingo card.

not to blog on a blogging site but the jumble of emotions rn is making me go berserk. i hate being trapped here. the natural environment where i’m at is so beautiful and calming and healing but it gets usurped by the Im gonna Die In Here vibes emanating from my parents (read: mom).

she yelled at me today because my cat was having zoomies and burst open a door upstairs that caused a loud bang and woke her up. i was on a call so i didn’t see her angry texts and apparently that set her off and she stormed upstairs to blame me for the noise. when i said it was Jasper she just got frustrated and said the meanest thing she could think of, which was ofc that I need to get a real job.

i’m sorry im not fucking hireable and still under your roof like i don’t know what to do :( i keep applying for jobs and getting denied or passed over and it’s like. you don’t think that’s frustrating for me?? is it because i don’t show it (bc you taught me how to suppress emotions to keep them safe from you?!!!) like i’m. aough.

sincerely last month i could feel the kms ache creeping back (i have normal depression but in extreme duress the pre-ideation sneaks in again) due to being stressed and the insurmountable hopelessness of it all. i’ve been equal parts guilty and frustrated with myself as well as with the state of things. had a breakdown bc it’s my birthday in a few days and for the first time ever i’ve felt this Dread with it coming. it was like at this year milestone i was supposed to have been out, on my own, doing well and thriving, but like i’m just. here. i don’t want to spend it with my family i just want to curl up alone or drown you know cixhxbdkdks ugh.

those are side tangents. the interaction was so laughably funny like bc i Happened to be awake when the crash happened means I’m failing at getting a real job? like at its core I cant help but laugh bc wtf. but you know in the aftermath i’m just shaking bc it’s so evil and gets exactly at my insecurities and guilt and inherent worthlessness and then it makes me Angry for myself that someone would dare use those to hurt me like that.

it’s such a tangled mess of things. i’ve been scared of being kicked out since i was a kid and realizing i wasn’t religious, i was gay, and that i wouldn’t have any financial support necessary to live if they got tired of me (in that order). they get pissed at me for not spending time with them, but don’t want to see or hear me or think about me unless it’s on their terms. like i’m a doll. or a hermit crab. or yup a houseplant. they don’t support my art and never have (unless it’s making what they deem to be acceptable amounts of money). they don’t think any of my interests are cool or fulfilling even if they are for me. the only thing i do for them is the bare minimum of chores and mail their letters. i’m a blight to their perfect successful family and an embarrassment when people ask about me. But Also I can’t go get a normal retail job or like leave the house to do Anything (unless it’s an errand for them) because what if I get exposed while i need to take care of my Very Paranoid and undergoing cancer treatment & surgery Grandma. that would be so unfair to her :((((( So like which is it.

i just hate living in this toxic environment and want out so badly but have been failing and keep failing at getting a job since i graduated. it translates to all this self hate and frustration because i like, should have Just Done Better or majored in something useful or i dont know not been such a depressed and anxious fuck up.

I know that isn’t being fair to myself or my mental illnesses or the State Of Things and The State of Things 2: Global Pandemic. But maybe if i had less morals in their eyes I could have been rich off of bitcoin making my own tech start up and restructuring the UN from the inside-out…and not a pest animal living in their attic who creeps downstairs to get food and disappears.

I know it’s going to Suck tomorrow and I don’t want to go to sleep and/or wake up and deal with it. I have half a mind to think I’m gonna be woken up at 7 with ice water to the face like I’m a kid again and it’s Time For Church.

Closing thought thesis i guess is that i’m just frustrated and angry and scared.

[silksatan]

ive been going through my bf's phone every now and then (i know i know im not proud of it) bc he talks w my best friend about me a lot, specifically abt my mental state

hugelarge rant incoming, readmore doesnt work on mobile so sorry but ur gonna have to scroll thru<3

tell me why they are deadass talking abt sending me to a facility if i get worse. (this is not ed related btw its alcohol abuse and depression) like lol girl 1) you have no right to do that 2) why the fuck is this the first i hear of you being concerned :)))) she literally said "sometimes i feel bad abt not doing enough. like i guess i could play [my hyperfixation game] with him but i just dont feel like it" GIRL LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO. doing something u dont feel like > me feeling included and cared for. like you know what yes u should feel bad bc she hangs out w my bf EVERY DAY on discord, without fail, but when im like oh want to play? shes like uhm sure just a sec and then doesnt show up until 3hrs later. like 🙂 ok

they talk abt me killing myself like it would be a huge inconvenience but also shrug their shoulders abt doing ANYTHING. they play hot potato w who should voice their concern (spoiler: nobody ever does) and state that well! we cant do anything other than listen when he decides to talk about it! and i didnt mind this inaction bc i thought they were unaware of how shitty im doing, but it turns out they know VERY well, they just dont give enough of a shit to bother doing anything about it. i did always know im more trouble than im worth🤭

whenever i do hang out w them while they play their own game they ignore me, nobody ever takes the initiative to do anything w me, if god forbid she's doing something w me and my bf comes online she immediately fucks off to hang out w him instead.

sick and fucking tired of it all. im going to start starving myself effective immediately & after i have my doctors appointment on monday i am doing some disgusting fucking cutting🤪

[quettasecond]

sorry ignore this im just storing this here incase my css breaks and i need this back (doing html on mobile so i cant exactly click undo)... too long for discord

first making sure the readmore works to not accidentally torture you

ok it works

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[piplupod]

i am not looking for validation or attention or anything, i quite literally just need to scream into the void shfjdkl also idk how to do readmores on mobile so im sorry about that shdjfkl

but wowzas i feel like i am a fucking bad person and i need to be thrown into a pit in the forest to be kept away from everyone so i dont hurt anyone or make anyone uncomfortable and so i can rot away and not have to "make" anyone put up with being around me shfhfjdl ppl tell me that they like me and they appreciate me or even they love me (as a friend) and i cannot fucking grasp that concept, it doesnt make sense in my mind at all. i feel inherently worthless and i feel like i am off putting and strange and freakish and just a fucking awful person to be around esp irl. all my friends are online rn and that must be for a reason (its not. logically i know it's just bc i live in a shitty conservative small town) and im terrified of anyone who is my friend rn interacting w me in person one day bc then they will see how twitchy and bad at socializing i am and how i cant do facial expressions right and how my brain stalls out bc i get so terrified of interactions and how i dont look like i sound and i just. this is all fine for Other People to be btw, its just bad for ME to be because theres so much wrong with me. i am a fucking idiot and i dont understand how people would ever want me around and im so goddamn sick of myself being a fucking useless waste of space. theres probably so many other ppl who could utilize what i have better than me and not be a fucking miserable sadsack about it all.

alright im done fjfjfkl there is more but I can't let any more of it out bc that's going Too Far

also i will probably delete this in a bit, i am just not doing okay this morning at all and i need to scream somewhere

[shuckstruck]

last post istg i promise this isn’t made in a fit of self-pity i mean it for real these are my for real normal everyday thoughts on my Neurodevelopmental Disorder

I CANT ADD A READMORE ON MOBILE IM SORRY THIS APP SUCKS

anyways i’m happy for all of u who are comfortable with ur body and ur brains but christ alive i just want to rip my brain out of my skull and cut out all the adhd parts of it. i don’t want anything that comes with it i don’t care for any part of it it doesn’t improve me it makes me worse. i could be so successful and normal and motivated if i didn’t have adhd and instead i’m tired and lethargic and nothing i do is right and everybody blames me for it like i make life difficult for myself and everyone around me on purpose