#sorry i really would put this under a readmore this is a lot. this is too much.

[butchviking]

can i say something. smthn mentally ill :) thanks. i dont know how to do a readmore on mobile sry :3

i spend a lot of time going back and forth on chest dysphoria and what uhh. Options. i would like to take or not take abt that. and in the end i always decide well this is my body and it is what it is and mental illness is tough but it happens and i know how to deal w it and i will always have ups and downs but my body is my body and i shouldnt hurt it just for existing. weirdest thing abt it is i spend so much time hating it but it never says a bad word about me, it's not perfect but it's mine, etc. and then as SOON as i go to a concert its like. no literally my life would be so much easier and im so so tired i just dont want to wear bras i dont want to wear binders i want to move and breathe freely i don't want things to move i don't want to worry about whats exposed u cant wear smthn loose enough to not constrict at all while still keeping things in place which by definition requires constriction. i wanna just BE. nd sometimes i think i am just wasting years that i could b spending feeling. free. choosing to NOT do that because ???. because why? can't remember. but i d. i don. i ddont wanna kill time like it doesnt matter. do u understand. i dont wanna kill time like it doesnt matter!! waited long enough to be this way!!! [s]he cant change for love [s]he explains how long [s]hes waited for [s]he wanted more. or whatever. u know. ps im also scared/resentful of going the gender clinic again cause they were fucking evil to me last time and theyre kinda evil in general and ohhhh i dont want 2 be involved with u people i do NOT want 2 be associated with. anything. but by god. i want 2 feel free. whys everything so stupid and weird whys everything such a big deal. i love 2 b dramatic about shit that does not even matter to most ppl i love to have a 7-year crisis just for the hell of it <3 someone just fucking knock me out and give me surgery dont even bother waiting for me to give the ok just do it im tired im tired im tired i feel like im always fighting but i dont even know what im fighting or why. sorry <3 i have 2 get this shit out sometimes <3 there are poisons in my brain i think. and i would never punish anyone to live like this it is your choice alone i would never punish anyone to live like this it is your choice alone i would never punish anyone to live like this it is your choice alone. whatever. 🫠

[menlove]

i saw on some of your posts that you say you aren’t an india truther, out of curiosity what do you think caused john and paul to have a fallout? do you think the resentment was more gradual and happened over 68-69? im sorry if you’ve answered this before but i love hearing about people’s theories of what happened in india and the aftermath.

sorry I totally forgot to answer this but for me.... hm. tossing under a readmore bc it got long oops

I think it was more gradual. like the way they act w each other in the get back sessions & just in general speaks more to something more unspoken happening than some big dramatic break up or rejection, at least to me. esp given how john & yoko lived with paul for a while in the summer of 68 (and talk about the world's worst throuple)

I wouldn't say I don't think Anything happened in india, but imo it seems more like.... I saw someone talking about how up until that point they were all on a lot of drugs & india was them getting off them for a minute & they sort of looked around and went "what the fuck are we doing? do I even know these people?" and that rings the most true to me I think.

some of the bigger reasons I have my doubts abt india being some huge thing where they fucked for the first time and paul rejected john are a) they still got along after that. things were weird but not much weirder than they'd been after brian's death b) paul wrote "i will" in india and I've talked before about how I'm 100% convinced that's about john and to me "will I wait a lonely lifetime, if you want me to I will" doesn't sound like the words of someone about to do any rejecting c) the infamous blowing the mic scene in get back is way too lighthearted and makes paul blush and giggle like they're just referencing fucking as a part of their relationship that happened enough to not be disarming. doesn't seem like john is being bitter or trying to egg him on and paul isn't reacting like someone that got called out for fucking john and then rejecting him. it reads more, to me, like just two lovers slyly joking around about a time they fucked that no one else can know about

which brings me to d) I'm also a "they had a sexual relationship" truther (which would be a whole other essay tbh) and so For Me Personally that just doesn't jive w smth big and dramatic happening in india. I just don't think they ever talked about what the fuck was going on between them, whatever it was, and then the typical band breakdown reasons coincided w a breakdown of their personal relationship as well. like just sort of dying out without much fanfare which can honestly be worse than some big rejection or breakup. and then ofc john goes full in with yoko and paul flounders around trying to settle down with a woman and marry her in such a weirdly frantic way. like that quote where he asks if he was supposed to be a 26 year old queer that never got married....... I would wager, imo, that things breaking down w john & then jane would've lead him to a bit of a Crisis about all that. but he found linda and went all in w her and she wound up pregnant so there you go.

which would lead them to a really weird place by the get back sessions, which I at least feel like is reflected pretty well- this awkward tension, paul's nervous desperation, nostalgia for the old times, lingering sexual tension. but not the attitude like they hated each other yet or had some big breakup or rejection. they're still joking and flirting, it's just awkward. the Big Moment would've been something else after that imo, probably john announcing he wanted a divorce but could've also been something more private that would go a long way to explaining why they were basically not on speaking terms at all by the abbey road sessions

again this is all Purely Speculation. mostly based on my more conflicting view from the fandom at large that they did have a sexual relationship and paul isn't as repressed/clueless as he puts on. so w those Two Beliefs in mind, this is sort of the trajectory that would make the most sense to me!

of course, without those two Core McLennon beliefs of mine I can see why people would point to india as the game changer if they think paul is a repressed bisexual who thinks he's straight while john pined over him. like it would make sense in that scenario if that's where the tension snapped & it was just a mess after that. but I very firmly and adamantly don't believe that so it's just hard for me to see the india theory as anything solid when there's a lot of other explanations for why india was such a shitshow

but all that is just me personally! don't have shit to back it up beyond what I can bring up about the evidence of a sexual relationship and paul being closeted that then lead me to these speculations based on that but yeah lmao

(and fun fact lmao whenever we publish it this is gonna be like half of the story of "i need you" so yall will get to see my fully baked opinion there mixed w just what I think would be fun or angsty dbshsjss)

[alvfr]

I know you just got an ask about Aaron not wanting more kids (which I totally agree with!! that man is already so tired and stretched thin as is) how do you think he would deal with an unexpected pregnancy??

Okay, there's a lot of nuance to this answer, so let's start with some assumptions, yes? Edit: this got way too long putting it under a readmore sorry.

Hotch is a guarded man and does not strike me as the type to have casual relationships (except I totally started writing a fic where he has an ONS but I digress) and thus, I assume he is in a committed relationship with someone he loves for an unexpected pregnancy to happen.

He is also a grown man who knows about contraception and their, eh, rate of success

So if an unexpected pregnancy happens, he knows it's not anyone's fault and since he loves you, he will commit 100% to what you want to do. And he will be oh so frickin' careful not to push you to anything.

And if you decide to go through with it? He will be there for you, every step of the way.

Will he maybe just a little bit be bitter at the universe for this happening?

Maybe. Just a little bit. A pregnancy is a big deal, and an unexpected one is a whole other creature. There's the practical stuff and the emotional stuff and the logistical stuff and just so much stuff that could go wrong. He didn't ask for that, but he knows you didn't either, so he will do his best to keep that resentment directed away from you.

You would have to pry to get him to admit this btw, but your relationship is all the better for it. You weren't prepared for this pregnancy either, after all, and you have a lot of your own emotions connected to it. It's a big deal, all right?

And this is still Hotch so you know he'd fix everything. Everything. From painting the nursery to buying that C-shaped pregnancy pillow to getting whatever craving you have in the middle of the night and he'll schedule time off for a few weeks after the birth (something he always regretted not doing when Jack was born and he saw how much of a toll those weeks were on Haley) and he will be there.

He will book extra sessions with the family therapist to make sure Jack is emotionally prepared for getting a sibling.

He will not book extra sessions for himself to be emotionally prepared though and he might pull away more as your pregnancy becomes obvious and he might struggle with every case that involves children even more than he already did because of Jack.

And leading up to your due date, he spends more time at work than home, subconsciously trying to make up for the time he knows he's taking off after the baby is born.

Maybe he's avoiding you a little bit too. Not you, but the physical evidence of how your life is going to be turned upside down and it's easier to drown himself in work than face his own conflicting emotions about it all. Because he's also feeling guilty that he's excited about this since he does not feel he neither deserves you nor another chance of love.

But he does.

And this would not have happened if he didn't love you and he would not have loved you if you did not know him so well, so you try to give him time and space to deal with his own emotions in addition to your hormonal ones.

And Hotch will, eventually, allow himself to be happy. And he will dote on the baby and on you and feel his heart swell with pride when Jack steps up as a big brother and he will, maybe, finally delegate more at the office to spend more time home.

And he will love you and the baby no matter what.

This got really sappy real fast I'm sorry not sorry. Also super messy, but here are my unbridled thoughts I guess. Totally not influenced by my own experience with unexpected pregnancy.

Peace and love! Thank you for the question!

[gibbearish]

wanted to throw my hat into the ring specifically in regards to james responding to the bigotry claims bc i havent seen anyone address the aspects i wanna talk abt in full yet, it kinda got long as fuck for a p short excerpt so putting it under a readmore

so here's the section (text from @storagebay29 's v helpful transcript):

"I never ever intended to hurt anybody. I never thought that that's what I was doing. Before I went- before I went to the hospital,¹ I read a lot of stuff from people who were really hurt, not just authors and stuff but people who watched my videos who were hurt by stuff in them. People think that I hate ace people and women and bisexual people and lesbians and that's not true. It's really- it's just- it’s not true. And I’m sorry that stuff made it into videos² that just shouldn’t have been there: misinformation and lies... But I promise you I did not write that stuff.³

I should have been a lot more exacting when Nick and I would be editing scripts but I promise you that those are not- I don't think those things.⁴ I specifically want to apologise to asexual people who feel⁵ that I just completed delegitimised you. Nick being ace, I- I know that it's kinda like you know, no two gay people are exactly the same, no two ace people are exactly the same, but I kind of, when it came to that I just kind of ran with Nick's judgement⁶ and his observations and stuff like that. And I’m not trying to throw Nick under the bus,⁷ which a bunch of people are saying that I was setting him up as doing, which is not true…"

so! let's break this down

¹ "Before I went- before I went to the hospital" - firstly i want to be clear of my position with the "did he actually attempt" question bc ive seen some people being absolutely vile already, which is that while i understand doubting his story considering his history of lying and manipulation and obviously skewed moral compass, i also feel like it is VERY much plausible enough that publically speculating abt whether it's true or not is shitty, especially telling HIM you think he's lying. best case scenario you're right, worst case scenario you're crossing a hell of a line, and he's obviously done enough stuff that the situation can be addressed pretty comprehensively without risking getting that coin flip wrong. i think we should proceed under the assumption that lying about that is one line he wouldn't cross, and if proof comes along that he was lying then obviously fuck him, but otherwise i think that aspect should be off limits. and having said all that, even under the assumption he is telling the truth, the way he brings it up in this apology is still manipulative, as many have already pointed out, and this is an excellent example. by bringing it up right before addressing his bigotry, he a) implies to the audience that these comments in particular are a notable part of what sent him there, and therefore plants the idea that if they continue to address it while knowing how badly it's already affecting him, they'd be deliberately trying to hurt him or push him to attempt again, and b) tries to distract the audience from the fact that he's addressing his bigotry and get them to go easy on him, since clearly he's already punished himself over it enough. but harming yourself does not actually make up for harm caused to others, and even if it did, unlearning the bigotry that caused the harm in the first place doesnt end at "feel really bad about it," that's actually step one. and as i'm sure you're already aware and i'll get into more in points 4 and 5, whether he's even at step one yet is doubtful!

² "And I’m sorry that stuff made it into videos" - others have covered his passive voice the whole way through so i won't dwell too long beyond pointing it out, it's mostly just highlighted here bc of how it ties into the next point

³ "But I promise you I did not write that stuff." - just, beautiful in so many ways. performance art, even. firstly, the fact that one of the closest places he comes to calling it plagiarism is in defense against a second allegation? just lmao. and secondly, this is about the most solid proof you could get that he indeed did not watch hbomberguy's video (or at least the whole thing) because hbomb very conclusively showed that if there are /any/ original thoughts of James' in his scripts, it is the bigotry, because he showed multiple examples of James /specifically/ rewording things he plagiarized to ADD IN the bigotry. so then tying back to point 2, his passive voice then becomes about ten times funnier here because he was just. blissfully unaware we all already knew exactly how it "made it into" the script and that his next statement would be a lie. just incredible

⁴ "I don't think those things." - notice the lack of specificity here, the most he can say is "people think i hate these groups" and "i don't think those things" and not "this is exactly what i said that was harmful, here's how it was harmful, here's the correct version of it, and here's how to avoid similar pitfalls in the future", yknow, like what people do when they actually accidentally say bigoted things bc they don't know any better? and again this point ties into the next one:

⁵ "I specifically want to apologise to asexual people who feel that I just completed delegitimised you." - ah yes, nothing says apology like "i'm sorry you felt like what i said was hurtful," where the message is less "i did something wrong and hurt you, i regret this and want to fix it," and more "you were too sensitive and got your feelings hurt by something i didn't intend to be hurtful, but i GUESS i'll be the bigger person and say sorry even though i didn't actually do anything wrong🙄". and see again 4, if he actually had looked into it and learned why it was wrong, he wouldn't be saying people "felt" delegitimised. he would be explaining why people reacted that way ie what it was a reaction to, why this reaction was correct, and providing actual information about asexual people. but he doesnt, because he didnt, because he doesnt care. which is all ESPECIALLY fucked because in saying it this way he's. delegitimising what they were saying. like some kind of fuckin aphobia ouroboros

⁶ "when it came to that I just kind of ran with Nick's judgement" + ⁷ "And I’m not trying to throw Nick under the bus" - here we are, the crown jewels. so obviously ppl are already talking abt the performative allyship of "but my best friend is minority and they said it was fine!!1!" which is fucked up on its own, but then the fact that he immediately jumps to "and also i'm not throwing nick under the bus" shows us that within the greater context, point 6 did indeed mean "the bigotry in the scripts that i am currently apologizing for and explaining the presence of in this section is there because i repeated the things nick told me were true, these ideas originate from him." aka blame nick, not me. but then he remembered that scapegoating nick is also something people are accusing him of so he had to backtrack over it, which if it was actually an innocent statement, it yknow. wouldn't need to be backtracked over? it's like he thinks just because he doesn't outright say "nick has bigoted ideas that i parroted so basically its his fault" that no one can pick up on the subtext? and frankly i don't know much about nick (or james beyond this whole thing tbf so obv take everything i say with the whole shaker of salt) so this very well could be the truth to a degree, but if nick does hold bigoted views too, that's TOO. not instead. for james to repeat them without question to the camera means he doesn't disagree. even if hbomb hadn't proven the bigotry did originate from him, it would still be meaningless, because if it came from nick then that would just mean james decided to stay close working friends with a shitbag and repeat all of his garbage to his fans uncritically!

so in summary, in just this one chunk he: reminds you to be extra niceys to him because hes delicate right now, immediately lies about where the bigotry came from, talks around what he actually said wrong or that he was in the drivers seat for it, then blames nick for it before hearing himself say it out loud reminds him people are picking up on that now too and has to walk it back.

to spoof the roblox oof video: when we look at the sum collective of all of his claims regarding his bigotry, and we put it in context with. the fucking everything about him. when james says the bigotry didn't come from him, this might just be me. but I don't believe him!

[unexpectedbrickattack]

Okay so i know this is your askbox and everything but I want to say that i feel like the bosses would start to hate pizzahead after peppino tells them what he was planning on doing, because as far as I know they were simply hired to guard the keys and look out for peppino.

I have some very minor tweaks to this but for the most part i agree!

put under a readmore bc i dont wanna clog up any potentially Non-Exploded pt tags lmao

-Pepperman, the eccentric man that he is gets shown 1 (one) image of a fucked up drawing of peppino and hes like ‘yes yes fat little human man, got it.’ And continues sculpting as if he hadnt heard pizzahead at all. Hes the MOST startled when peppino enters his arena bc he literally forgot he had to fight him 😭 hes like WHO is this little sweaty human in my fucking ART STUDIO????!! and then immediately gets stomped.

He is definitely indifferent to pizzahead; he didnt really care about this weird man and even postgame hes like well. This sly dog led me straight to my muse so I cannot be too angry with him 🤔

-Vigilante is like ‘hmm. Never seen this man round these parts; whatd he do?’ And pizzahead is like if you need a reason; its no longer just a simple request; its a bounty. And Vigilante it like ‘well... A bountys a bounty; if he wanders into my town he aint comin back out’ and pizzahead is like great! Fantastic! Im holding you up to that 🧡

Vigilante is probably the one most angry about pizzahead. Hes not exactly lawful good but he does Not like being used as Hired Muscle. He hunts down Bad People; not a human some weirdo has a personal vendetta against. He doesnt know exactly WHAT that vendetta is but its not worth his time and its not worth getting his cheesy ass handed to by Peppino again 😭

-The Noise craves violence and destruction. Hes a little menace! He also likes money. LOTS of money. And lucky for him, Pizzahead had seemingly Infinite Funds. Funds that he used to hire the Noise; to utilize this brats WEALTH of questionable tools and contraptions in case Peppino climbed his way through the tower. The noise was like ‘ur hosting this shitshow on TV? give me a 40/60 split from whatever ur filming and you have a deal’ and he does NOT find it troubling at all that Pizzahead is so eager to accept this.

He never figures out that the recorded content was never actually hosted anywhere. He eventually tries searching it up, asking his agents to look up anything recent with his face in it but they all come up emptyhanded. When asked about a name or title or scheduled tv slot and publishing, hes a bit sheepish to admit he never asked. Thats not his job! Thats his agents job! Hes so weirded out though; Pizzahead gave him a Ton of money. Obviously not alot by the Noise’s standards but more than what most people could even remotely afford. Weird. Well he got money and Peppino doesnt try to kill him unless he ignores the restraining order placed on him so its okay ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-Fake peppino cant really comprehend hate. But he does comprehend…distrust. A man comes up to him, gives him a picture of some human, asks him to make sure this human does NOT make it to the top of the tower- ‘nononono. Listen to me. He does NOT make it past you. Do you understand that? I am serious. If you see this man come by your sorry excuse for a shop, kill him. Maim him. Eat him; i dont care WHAT you do as long as he does Not get this fucking key.’

And Fake Peppino just nods. But hes so wary despite his dopey expression. Hes got little goosebumps prickling along the back of his neck as the man hands him the key and a picture of the human. A human that looks like him. JUST like him. In the back alley of his poorly lit pizzeria. Just like him…Hes a bit taller than the man in the picture but…just like him… just like him just like himjustlikehimjustlikehim- ‘Yeah, yeah, just like you, but listen- listen; hes messin' with My business and you gotta understand that, right? You have a business too! Whatever this…*gestures weakly* is. You would be. Sad. If someone destroyed your business. Right?’

A slow nod.

‘Exactly! See? Right on the same page! Thats why im countin on you!’

When Fake Peppino gets to see that Human Peppino has his own Pizzeria; a pizzeria that almost got destroyed (a BUSINESS just like his...) everything seems to click into place at once. Hed probably maul Pizzahead like a chimpanzee 😭 WHAMWHAMWHAM BASH THAT DOUGHY FACE IN !!!!!!! Peppino doesnt need the manpower, but its Nice to have the equivalent of a bulldog guarding his shop

[captmickey]

Don't mind if I do~

For everyone's dashboard consideration, I'll put it under the readmore and point out, once more, this is all silly headcanons that flip flop around so like... yeah.

Here we go!

For Dee: - I like to imagine her parents are something akin to a doctor/herbologist, which is why she is so into reading about facts and such. I also like to imagine her parents as inter-racial though that one is still being figured out (and with it, I like to think she's bilingual). - She is the easiest to make laugh no matter how tough she tries to come off as. And she is tough, but Boybrush and Chuckie know exactly what to do to make her laugh really hard. - She bonded with Chuckie over a mutual interest in pirate trading cards, they had a bit of a competition who could have the better deck before really bonding and sharing facts (she got really excited to learn it was Chuckie that got Boybrush into it too). - Refused to believe Guybrush could hold his breath for ten minutes until Boybrush grabbed her arm and took her to see his dad where Guybrush did it (more or less). She is determined to learn the science behind it and wonders if she could do it too. - Very protective of her boys and will throw hands at the nearest bully if they hurt either of them. It takes both Chuckie and Boybrush to hold her back.

For Chuckie: - His dad is a sailor and is pretty often out at sea (so not so much a negligent dad, but someone who is out on jobs pretty frequent to make sure the family is provided financially), so he's with his mom who occasionally takes odds and ends job. - Speaking of mom, I don't know why I'm drawn to the name Marigold but I am so.... tada. - Chuckie is incredibly shy talking around adults. He can and does joke and throw remarks around Dee and Boybrush, but when an adult enters the room? Goes quiet and lets the others do the talking. - Tallest of the group (and grows up to be THE tallest, sorry Boybrush) and can often be mistaken for someone who is rough... but he's not. He's a big ol' softy (except, again, around Boybrush and Dee where he's more relaxed and will get protective if needed). - Initially terrified of Guybrush. He's heard of stories and tales and such and was a bit of a fan of them somewhat, and he really loves hanging around Boybrush, but a part of him is terrified that Guybrush will go after him because his name is similar to LeChuck and tries to limit as many interactions with Guybrush. It wasn't until Boybrush asked his dad to talk to Chuckie and Guybrush reassuring him that he has nothing to worry about, he won't go hunting after his son's best friend, and even apologizes for scaring him unintentionally (though he has no idea what he did exactly).

For Boybrush (Lucas), - He wanted to go to school only because Chuckie and Dee were there. He's there most of the year until an adventure pops up... then it's back to home-schooling. - Bonded with Chuckie over pirate trading cards because he once saw him in the park with a card of his dad on it. Beamed up and went "Hey, that's my dad! 8D" and the rest was history. - Always comes back with presents for Chuckie and Dee when he returns from an adventure with his parents, ranging from shells to unique items he found while away. - He has a school yard bully and she is meeeeeeeeean. It takes a lot to rile Boybrush up but she can do it in no time by insinuating that his parents aren't really his and that he is adopted etc. She will also bully and say things how Chuckie is really LeChuck's son and Dee will be alone... He compares her as his LeChuck with how angry she makes him. Bonus of Guybrush and Elaine: - Even though Boybrush gets great education from Elaine, Winslow, and occasionally Guybrush, he still wanted to go to school. Elaine initially was confused but figured it would be good for him to socialize while Guybrush doesn't get it but won't stop his son either... he wants him to have the things he never had when he was a kid (school, parents, friends etc). - Guybrush is great with English and can and does help not just Boybrush, but Chuckie and Dee with their homework from time to time. But it's Elaine Boybrush goes to for any and all other subjects. Primarily math. - Guybrush and Elaine are really good friends with Chuckie and Dee's parents. They figured it didn't hurt to befriend other parents since, with respect to Carla and everyone else, they could use some time with other parents. - Hilariously enough, although Chuckie is scared a little of Guybrush, Guybrush is really good friends with Marigold and offers to help her when he can while her husband is away. Elaine finds it endearing that Guybrush even offered such a thing and is proud of him. - During one of their adventures, Guybrush, Elaine and Boybrush ran into Chuckie's dad while he was on a job. Chuckie's dad got so excited and asked them for when they go back home to deliver a present to his wife and son since he won't be home for a bit. - Guybrush, Elaine, and Marigold don't exactly get along well with the PTA, but it's Guybrush that has an on-going feud with Helen from the Parent-Teacher Association. He initially did not care for it (he's a pirate, why would he care) but it was when Helen said something akin to being a bad parents that had him go into Spiteful Mode and learn how to properly bake better lemon squares. He will also trash talk with Marigold during any meetings if Elaine is there with them.

[sunnnfish]

Due to the mental anguish I am rambling about tbhk. I WAS going to put this under a readmore but that keeps breaking the post on mobile so. Im sorry. Tons of spoilers for chapter 99. And like the whole series. You know how it is.

I feel like I need to make an itemized list because there’s so fucking much I need to talk about right now

The violence and parallels to tsukasa. I mean who can forget tsukasa prying mitsubas mouth open to feed him number 3s heart. Who knows what tsukasa’s intentions were but they weren’t necessarily bad— as we know now mitsuba needs to eat to survive plus number 3 was like a pretty big power boost that would keep him together for a longer time. So he likely just wanted mitsuba to live comfortably. BUT ALSO there’s the beginning of the chapter where tsukasa tells mitsuba to dig the heart out himself vs kou who gets it for him. Anyways. With kou here it clearly came from a similar place of wanting mitsuba to not disappear. There’s a desperation to it and fear and it’s one I personally actually know quite well. I’ve dealt with friends refusing to eat and take care of themselves and it is a violent frustrating feeling that just ends with crying after the anger fades. There’s a lot of confusion like. Why do you not care about yourself as much as I care about you. Anyways. His actions make a lot of sense to me bc I have felt and done the exact same things.

Me core ^

and THEN there’s mitsubas feelings of wanting to be fucking exorcised and going to the fucking minamoto household to do it there’s so much here hang on. Like. I think he went to the minamoto house for some sliver of hope. If he wanted to for sure disappear he probably could’ve waited it out or something better but he went to the place where, depending on who answered the door, he’d either die or be faced with fucking. Kou minamoto. And the fact the he chose to reveal himself to kou it’s like. Did you really want to disappear. Did you really. And then taking him out on a fucking date basically like. You don’t want to disappear do you. You just don’t want to be. This. He wants to be human. He wants someone who will understand him and. And. Kou so readily accepts and understands him. Even the parts he thinks are ugly or unworthy. Fuck.

AND THEN. Kous feeling of inadequacy and fearing that mitsuba trusts tsukasa more than him and connecting to the vision he saw in the red house. Whether he accepts it or not he wants mitsuba to need him. The red house showed him a mitsuba who told him that he needs kou that he wants kou to be a supernatural with him and he brushes it away knowing mitsuba would never say that to him. He tells himself that mitsuba would never trust him or want him like that but he wants it to be real and he’s still hurt when the real mitsuba won’t open up to him. And it all comes back to his overall self worth issues of wanting to be strong and dependable and worthy.

AND this is all under the context of Teru finally letting kou have some responsibility and telling him to go exorcise the low level spirit that came near their home and AaaaaAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUU. KOU MINAMOTO……..

God its just. Kou minamoto cares about mitsuba so so so much and neither of them completely understand the gravity of it all. Also at this point hes said like 3 times that mitsuba is the root of all his worries. ALSO dont even get me started on the art and expressions this chapter. It’s so gorgeous like as always but. God. Also the keychains. Im gonna[blaring truck horn]

ALSO the way mitsuba says at the end like ‘you’d be lonely without me’ or whatever and kou almost looks shocked for a second like. Oh. And its like he thinks about it more and cries more because yeah, he would be lonely. He’s been lonely. Mitsuba somehow inexplicably became like his closest friend that knows everything about him and god he was lonely when mitsuba disappeared. The first time and the second. And he’s barely had time to process any of it because to everyone else around him mitsuba doesnt really. Matter. And because kou is so kind he is always putting everyone else’s problems in front of his own. The severance happens and it becomes a journey to help nene bring hanako and aoi back—next to no mention mitsuba aside from the leads to the red house, much less trying to find and save him too. The whole time theyre in the boundary to the far shore its all about hanako and nene and number 6. And there’s STILL the conversation about how to become a supernatural that he brought up with nene but noooooo we cant ever know anything about what kou wants. And like. It all comes back around this chapter because he so so selfishly wants mitsuba to live. One of the only things he lets himself want. And it aches. God. I wish i was any good or natural at prose writing because god the things i would write about minamoto kou. AND TO TOP IT OFF HES LIKE FUCKING 14 YEARS OLD…. Okay. Okay im done.

[the-irrelevant-trumpeter]

my headcanons for if cornley put on a production of tgwdlm, for @marvelmaniac715 and any other cornley/hatchetfield folks <3

under a readmore because i have a lot to say sorry

chris plays paul because we know he loves that leading role. paul is supposed to show his love for his friends more and more as the show progresses, but because of everything going wrong, paul ends up becoming more and more angry at everything.

emma is initially played by vanessa (because as i have said before, my favourite goes wrongisms come from people playing characters they are ill suited for, and vanessa playing characters with much more attitude than she has is always funny to me). however, at the end of act 1 somewhere (probably somehow during join us and die), she gets bonked over the head and is knocked unconscious, leaving her unavailable for the second act.

this means that they have to understudy, and who’s the only understudy they have? trevor of course (a la nick lang understudying for lauren lopez). unlike nick lang, trevor doesn’t have a single clue what he’s supposed to be doing, and delivers a monotonous performance.

during the bit near the end where paul and emma almost kiss, trevor forgets to take the blood capsule that he is supposed to spit out. (idk how they do it in the real thing but just go with me on this please). this leaves no reason for paul and emma NOT to kiss. and therefore, they very awkwardly end up actually kissing. for the christrev fans out there <3

just before inevitable starts, vanessa gains consciousness. trevor doesn’t realise. this leaves everyone in confusion as they try to deal with TWO emma’s onstage as they sing.

max plays ted, because once again, cornley playing characters that do not suit them is my favourite thing. ted does not come across as a sleezeball at all, and during the ‘kick my head’ bit, it does not feel like ted is making fun of bill in any way.

however, ted’s enjoyment of show stoppin’ number is not an act at ALL. max is genuinely just having a good time. trevor is very put off by it all. life imitates art and vice versa.

by the time ted finally dies, chris is about ready to strangle max.

bill is played by jonathan, because jonathan canonically has a daughter and i feel like the not my seed angst would feel a bit more real. because as well as making fake cornley productions go wrong, i have to make them a little bit angsty as well. for the soul.

it also means that jonathan/bill is a bit late to all of his scenes (he got stuck behind a door). i feel like there’s many scenes where bill is the first to speak, meaning that the rest of the cast is awkwardly standing there while they wait for jonathan to get in.

sandra does the alice/zoey/greenpeace girl track, as she thinks it will be a good opportunity to show off her abilities in character work. no one comments on the fact that zoey isn’t really a character for her, just kind of how she is in real life.

there’s also a certain awkwardness about jonathan and sandra playing father and daughter that i think is fun.

robert plays hidgens. obviously. the most grandiose part for the most grandiose man. he goes full-out on show stoppin’ number, but then refuses to let hidgens die, wanting to continue his musical number. this causes problems.

annie plays charlotte. the main reason for this is because i want to hear nancy zamit belt join us and die <3 but apart from that i also think it has comedic potential.

the last track left to fill is mr davidson/sam/mcnamara. the only actor left is dennis. i will let you fill in the blanks.

KIDDING i will say more because i cannot shut up about anything. anyway there is a lot of responsibility on dennis because jeff blim has a LOT of singing and a LOT of parts. why dennis was cast in this role is a mystery (in-universe. in real life it’s because i think it would cause so many problems).

he does not come in on time during the title track, which messes the whole thing up for everyone.

he gets confused during what do you want paul, and starts singing it as ‘what do you want chris?’ instead. this brings a lot of confusion to the scene.

sam does not come across as sleazy in his first scene, and instead gets mixed up about which character he is. this makes sandra as zoey’s life very difficult.

during show me your hands, he accidentally starts pointing the gun at sandra and robert as the other cops instead. he also forgets to pretend to be unconscious once he gets knocked over the head, and adds unwanted commentary about the situation (“i think they should go to the hospital, because my brain shouldn’t be blue. even if it’s not my real brain. do you think my real brain is blue too?”)

he forgets what he’s doing in you tied up my heart, meaning annie has to instruct him on what to do throughout. this creates a rather unusual dynamic between charlotte and sam, where charlotte is highly frustrated as she falls for sam’s manipulation, which isn’t very convincing.

chris has to feed him lines during the mcnamara scene. dennis gets confused and throws the watch offstage instead of the phone.

as you may have guessed, america is great again is also a disaster. (“why is america great again? we live in england!”)

also at the very end the entire set falls down. because it’s cornley and they have to end with a bang!!!

anyway if anyone else has any headcanons, feel free to add on. hope you enjoyed <3

[thirdtimed]

Question .. which installment of the life series is your fav + whose pov do you usually watch ? :o

SUCH A FUN QUESTION!!!!!! out of courtesy i will put my ramblings under a readmore because (warning) there is a lot. sorry in advance but more than that THANK YOUUUU for granting me the opportunity to yap my little head off.. bows and curtsies

to answer your question (which season is my favorite): i am very very partial to third life (as evidenced by my username) !!! i think theres something sooo special about the energy of that season in particular, everyone still trying to gather their bearings, no one really having a handle on the general scope or severity of what's about to come-- there's such a fresh doe eyed feel to it that betrays the utter chaos we all know is coming. it's timelessly charming to me!

narratively too, there's so many plotlines that i adore beyond measure that come specifically from 3L. grian's arc in particular is like, the most beautiful poetic accidental masterpiece ever written to me (and everyone else lol) it makes me legitimately upset on a regular basis that it somehow wasn't scripted out in advance and just a whim of improvisation and fate. & when you have other just as equally thematically rich arcs (and foils!) with dogwarts, the altar sacrifice, impulse's original betrayal (and bdubs' to him!) etc. its just full of all these incredibly fun & deeply engaging story beats that make each and every single rewatch just as enjoyable (if not more!) than the last. third life my absolute beloved of beloveds

mechanic wise though, and just for value of pure entertainment, my technical "true" fave and/or close second is secret life!! i think SL's gimmick is by far the most unconventional but flexible out of all the seasons thus far, and by nature of its gimmick it got to bring back fan favorite mechanics (i.e. double life) in a fresh & innovative way. it's also the season that i think is most successful in providing extremely satisfying pov switches-- this goes for all the life installments really, but its especially pronounced in SL, where members are required to keep their respective missions confidential. watching a single person's pov only to find someone acting inscrutably strange & immediately switching to their video to find out the reason why is an Immense Amount of Fun & i can't think of another series that has kept me smiling so wide it physically hurt. everyone by nature is assigned their own mini-arc each episode so to speak & watching them each individually try to overcome their assigned challenges While Seeing Others Also Attempt To Complete Theirs In The Background (minus crucial context) leads to absolute golden hilarious interactions. i would not mind a rehash of secret life at all.

also, on a more self indulgent level, i love secret life for its inclusion of the watchers & the very direct level of interaction that season had with us as the audience. the inclusion of the watchers conceptually lends itself to a litany of metanarrative shenanigans that i am personally incredibly incredibly weak to and will leap at the chance to elaborate on (if. i can. in a coherent fashion. which i more often than not can't LOL) obligatory omniscient reader's viewpoint shill here BUT i have a very specific & personal to me way i like to interpret the watchers (based on orv) & secret life is tantamount to that particular interpretation. the watchers are us! but the watchers are also them! nothing can exist without observation (a witness) and thus, we bare witness to every single triumph and tragedy that they lay before our eyes. it gives their lives meaning. and it gives our lives meaning, too. smiles

AS FOR POVS..! i am still rather newish here, to hermitcraft and the life series as a whole. i was inducted by my younger sister who primarily watches grian + joel + jimmy, and i watched specifically grian's third life on her recommendation. and thus ended up binging all of grian's povs LOL. aside from grian though, my other fav specific povs (since i haven't had the chance to watch the entirety of another person's 5 seasons like grian) are

martyn's third life

pearl's double life (this is mandatory viewing at this point really)

joel's double life (i felt like throwing up w laughter each episode. its so good)

i'm currently (planning) on watching mumbo's last & secret life, then jumping back to joel in order to watch the rest of his povs. scar's last life is also high priority, as are the rest of the winner povs. i have a Lot on my to watch list LOL

okay thank you SO much for asking me such an open ended question and i am so sorry for the unwieldy response i get really excited about this. Hope you are having a wonderful day and or night and thank you once again for indulging me :D stay safe out there. hug

[strawbubbysugar]

Hero In Shining Flannel

Y/N x June Sullivan (and hopefully Hello and Goodbye later lol)

CW: Indications of toxic relationship, mentions of bullying/harassment, as well as self-deprecating/depressive/anxious thoughts

_____________ Put under a readmore - PLEASE READ THIS ITS SO AMAZING AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH IVE READ IT A DOZEN TIMES!!!!!!

<3<3<3

~

Buzz.

Marshmallow🧡: Why didn’t you invite me??

A small pit forms in your stomach as you see the text message pop up on your phone. Of course you made another mistake. But…couldn’t you go to the mall by yourself? Is there an unspoken rule that you have to bring your partner with you everywhere you go?

You have no clue. Social rules and relationship rules are confusing and hard to maneuver. Sigh. You adjust your body on the edge of the fountain to a more comfortable position and text them back.

You: Sorry about that, I was just gonna do a quick purchase and leave. I know you like longer trips to the mall but I’m not feeling up to that today

The 3 bubbles pop up on your screen, indicating that they are typing. Not soon after, another text appears.

Marshmallow🧡: Dude it only would’ve been like an extra 20 minutes or something. I’m really hurt that you didn’t bring me with you ☹️

The pit grows larger. You furrow your brows at the “20 minutes” part of the text. Last time they said “20 minutes”, the two of you were there for an hour, and you almost had a meltdown right there in the mall because you needed to leave and get out of that overstimulating environment and they just wanted to keep shopping. But you were their ride, you couldn’t just leave them there. It’s a good thing you had your earbuds with you so you could ground yourself in your music. If you hadn’t had them…well. Let’s just say the trip would’ve gone a lot differently, and not in a good way. That trip only reinforced your rule of “always have earbuds or headphones with you”.

With a resigned sigh, you do the only thing you can. Your fingers shakily type out your response.

You: I’m sorry that you’re feeling hurt. I’ll invite you next time I promise.

The 3 bubbles appear again, and your body tenses in anticipation. After about 30 seconds, the bubbles disappear. You wait for about 10 seconds. Maybe the message is just taking longer to send from a spotty connection or something.

You realize after another 20 seconds that you’re probably not getting a message back for awhile. That’s bad, right? That probably means they’re really mad at you. Your stomach feels like it’s going to implode in on itself.

You hate this. You’re not cut out for this. This is just like high school all over again. Why can’t you do anything right? You should’ve known that they would see your location and want to come along. Why didn’t you invite them in the first place? You know they have anxiety about being left behind! What is wrong with you?? You’re a terrible partner. You don’t deserve-

“Hey, you alright?”

Your eyes snap up to a young blond man standing above you, looking slightly concerned. No no no, you can’t burden a stranger with your issues! You put on your best smile, hoping it’s convincing.

“Oh yeah, I’m good! Thanks for asking.” Please go away, I can’t talk to anybody right now…

The young man’s eyebrows furrow, and he looks like he’s pondering something. After a moment, he gives you a kind smile.

“I dunno if most people who are doing okay cry in the middle of a mall.” He sits down on the edge of the fountain next to you, facing towards you.

Wait, you’re crying right now? When did that happen? Great. Now you’re crying in public and making a stranger worry for you. Goddammit.

Before you can say anything, he speaks again. “Look, you don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to. But if you do, I’ll totally listen!” He taps his fingers absentmindedly. “Or maybe we could go get a smoothie or something and not think about it.”

You just look at this guy, dumbfounded. He would just…do that for you? You try to think and make a decision in the span of a few seconds. You’re now really stressed about the situation with your partner, and you were planning on leaving the mall as soon as possible to get to a safe and controlled environment. But on the flip side, this guy is offering a distraction because he saw you were upset. You get a very kind aura from him, if you’re reading him correctly. Well, it wouldn’t hurt to try, right? You know you’d just spiral in anxiety if you went back home right now, anyway. Maybe a good smoothie and talking to someone who isn’t Marshmallow will be good for you.

You can’t bring yourself to keep up the forced smile, so you let yourself just look as anxious as you feel. “I mean…I guess a smoothie sounds good. But…you’re sure? I don’t want to get in the way of your mall trip.”

The man waves his hand dismissively. “It’s no problem at all! I want to help if I can. I’d much rather make someone feel better than mindlessly wander around stores.” He stands up and offers his hand to you with a sympathetic smile.

You take his hand and he gently helps you up before letting go. He puts his hand to his forehead to shield his eyes from the light, squinting and looking around. “Alright, smoothie smoothie smoothie, show me…smoothies.” He mumbles in a slightly silly voice.

You can’t help but sniffle and chuckle a little bit. “Do you…not know where it is?”

He looks at you, not dropping his smile at all. “I’m gonna be so honest with you, I don’t even know if this mall even has a smoothie place. I just assumed there is one. ‘Cause there’s gotta be, right?”

You softly chuckle again and gesture for him to follow you. “Well, you’d be right. It’s this way.” The two of you start walking down the large corridor towards the food court.

“So,” The man begins. “It’s not lost on me that I’m a total stranger offering smoothies. In our generation, that’s like, unheard of I think.” He chuckles before continuing. “So I just wanted to say here and now that if you get uncomfortable or your social battery dies, you can totally tell me to leave. The last thing I want is to make your day worse. So just do what’s best for you, alright?” He gives you that kind smile again.

You return his smile. For real, this time. Not forced. “Thanks. I appreciate that. A lot.”

“Of course!” He chirps. He suddenly sticks his hand out to you. “By the way, I’m June.”

You shake his hand politely and tell him your name. “Nice to meet you, June.”

You two break the handshake and he just doesn’t stop smiling. His positivity is infectious. “Likewise.”

The two of you walk in semi-comfortable silence for a minute or so until you make it to the food court. You scan for a moment before pointing off to the left. “There’s the smoothie place. Well, it’s not only a smoothie place. But you know what I mean.”

You look over at June, and notice he’s still staring around at the food court, and he’s finally lost his smile. Your brow furrows in slight concern. “June? You okay?”

That breaks him out of whatever thoughts he was having. “Yeah,” He shakes his head a bit and smiles again, though this time it’s a bit…sadder than before. “Just kinda reminds me of my old food court.”

He starts walking towards the smoothie place, and you quickly catch up and keep pace with him. “Oh, so you’re not from around here then?”

He shakes his head. “Nope. New around here, kinda getting a lay of the land.”

“Oh! I’d be happy to show you around.” You offer, surprising yourself. You can’t believe you just offered to do that for a total stranger. He could be dangerous, for all you know! But looking at him in his little blue flannel jacket and those headphones around his neck, the way he fidgets and speaks, and just the overall positive vibes he emits, you can tell. He’s a trustworthy dude.

June’s eyes light up upon your offer. “Oh shit, really? That’d be awesome!”

“Sure!” You smile.

The two of you order your smoothies and find a quiet table to sit at and chat.

“So-“ The both of you start at the same time.

“Oh sorry, you can go!” You say first.

June shakes his head. “Nah nah that’s okay, what were you going to say?”

“As much as I want to say ‘no, you go’, I don’t want us to be going in a circle for who knows how long,” You giggle. “So, alright. I’ll go. I just wanted to say ‘Welcome’, I guess. I think that’s what one is supposed to say in situations like this?” You look away, feeling like maybe that’s not the right thing to say.

“But like I’m not saying that specifically because I feel like I’m supposed to, I genuinely am welcoming you here because you seem cool.” You awkwardly freeze, expecting June to laugh at you or make fun of you.

“Thanks! I appreciate the welcome. And for being called cool!” He smiles. “Always nice when people boost my already overinflated ego,” he obviously jokes.

You both laugh for a few moments. It feels…really nice. “So what were you gonna say?” You ask, taking a sip of your smoothie as June answers.

“Ah, I was just going to ask what you do around here. Job, school, that kind of thing! If you don’t mind me asking.”

You shake your head. “I don’t mind at all! I work part-time at a general store kinda near here. It has a dumb name. ‘Everything Ya Need’.” You roll your eyes with a smile just thinking about it.

June snickers a bit. “Ah yeah, I remember seeing that place and loving the name!”

The two of you smile wider at that. “That’s actually really close to where I work. That new repair and parts place, ya seen it?”

You nod your head. “Mhm! Yeah, I know that place. Haven’t been ‘cause I haven’t had a need to, but I think it’s good we’ll have a shop like that around here. Do you like working there so far?”

June puts his chin in his hands and takes a large gulp of smoothie. “Oh definitely!” He nods. “Couldn’t ask for a better job or coworkers.”

“Awe, that’s so good to hear!” You smile, genuinely happy for him.

“What about your job?” June asks. “Do you like your coworkers?”

You clench your teeth and look away for a couple moments. “Um…I guess it’s not as bad now that this one dude got fired. But the store was so desperate for people that at first, they didn’t fire him even when he was literally harassing and bullying me. And you might be thinking ‘well, why didn’t you quit?’ And it’s because I was too scared to. I know my tasks there, I know the people, it’s comfortable. I didn’t want to have to do more job searching and the terrifying interview and go into the unknown where I would have no clue what to expect. Sad, I know.” You sigh and take an ashamed sip of loser smoothie.

June’s eyebrows furrow in sympathy, and he gives you a reassuring smile. “Hey, come on now. That’s not sad, I totally get it. The comfort of routine and the fear of the unknown are super valid. Even if a routine may have something that hurts you, it’s easier…and feels safer to stay with that than to risk doing something new that could…go wrong.” His voice and his smile oddly faltered a bit by the end there. His blue eyes cloud for a moment, seeming distant, as if he’s remembering something.

“Right, yeah. You get it!” You try to break him out of whatever potential bad memories he might be reliving. “Thanks for validating me.”

June’s eyes flicker back to you, and his cute smile comes back.

Wait. What did you just call his smile??

“Of course!” He says, and you hope to heaven above that your face looks normal.

“So, um…” you try to think of something to talk about before you start accidentally making yourself blush more or something. “Is it alright if I ask you why you don’t tie your shoes? At least, I assume it’s on purpose, given that you’ve had a couple chances to tie them. If that is a rude question or too intrusive, I apologize!” You try not to wince at the anticipation of him getting upset with you for asking him that question.

After June swallows a sip of smoothie, he waves his hand dismissively. “Oh, no it’s not rude! You’re all good. I just don’t like them feeling uneven.”

Your eyes widen, and you subconsciously lean a little towards him over the table. “Wait, you hate uneven shoes too?? Oh my gosh, I’m so glad I’m not alone in that!”

June tilts his head to the side a bit with a reassuring smile. “Of course you’re not alone in that!”

You look down at your slip-on shoes, just wanting to peek at them due to them now being the topic of conversation. “Well, that makes me feel better. Nobody I know has ever talked about it. I’ve been late to class a couple times because I had to re-tie my shoes like, 4-6 times to try to make them feel even. It’s so annoying. I’m very thankful for slip-on shoes, that’s for sure.”

June takes another sip of smoothie, and you follow suit. “Geez, yeah that’s rough. I’m glad you got some slip-ons, though!”

“Thanks! I’m glad that I know a fellow even-feeling shoe enjoyer now. It’s validating as hell,” you chuckle, and June chuckles with you.

The nice moment between you two is interrupted by a loud buzz from your pocket. June looks at you curiously as you tense up.

“Oh boy.” You slowly start pulling your phone out of your pocket, cursing your hand for shaking.

You take a moment to gather the courage to look at it, and…you slump down in your chair with relief when you see it’s just a text from your mom asking how your day is going.

“Oh thank fuck,” you exhale.

June looks at you curiously, but obviously seems conflicted due to not wanting to intrude on your personal life. You give him a knowing look.

“It was my mom. I was worried it was going to be my partner,” you take an awkward sip of smoothie.

June’s eyes widen ever-so-slightly, but he quickly composes himself. “Oof.” He also takes an awkward sip of smoothie.

You’re not liking the tense silence now, so you decide to move on. “I don’t really want to spill all of my relationship issues onto you when we just met, even if you’re willing to listen. Which I appreciate, by the way. I’d like for you to associate my presence with…well, not trauma-dumping, that’s for sure!” You chuckle.

June looks a little concerned again for a moment, but lets it go. “I get it. I’d probably do the same thing in your shoes. So…do you want to not think about it for a while?”

You nod your head eagerly. “Definitely. How about that tour I offered?” You ask, slightly desperately.

June shoots you a solid thumbs up while sipping his drink. “Sounds good to me!”

After the finishing of smoothies, you and June throw your cups away and start walking around the mall. You show him your favorite shops, what kinds of other shops are available, and the quietest times of the week. Luckily, June has no problem having a fast tour of the mall so the both of you can leave and explore the quieter town.

As you walk around, you two pass both your workplace as well as the shop June works at, and you end up exchanging some work stories.

“Yeah, I have a knack for scaring the shit out of Matt,” June laughs. “I swear that I try to let him know I’m there before I tap his shoulder! He’s just so easy to spook.”

You giggle at that, imagining a gruff and rugged 40 year old man jumping 10 feet in the air from a little shoulder tap.

“Poor Matt!” You can’t help but smile.

June waves off your sympathy. “Ah, he’s fine. Don’t worry about him!”

“Okay,” you laugh. “I’ll take your word for it.”

You end up telling June a couple of work stories that don’t involve the guy that harassed you, or basically just any negative stories in general. I don’t want to be a Debbie downer. I gotta make sure I’m somewhat pleasant to be around so that I don’t ruin things right out of the gate with him.

The more you walk around town with June, the more you properly forget about your partner being mad at you, and the anxiety in your stomach subsides for a while. Talking with June feels really nice, he’s super understanding, and the conversations flow so easily. You have trouble remembering the last time you had such a pleasant time with someone other than Marshmallow. You furrow your brow as you think about the fact that you don’t really spend time with anyone other than them. Even if you’re with friends or acquaintances, they’re there.

Don’t ignore their anxiety. Their last partner really messed with their head, it’s okay if they want to come with you to places. How selfish can you be?

You’re pulled out of your spiral when June says your name.

“Huh? What?” You ask, hoping you didn’t space out for too long. Ugh, June must think you’re such a scatterbrain!!

“You good?” He asks, with that concerned look again. You hate making him look like that. You want him to smile, you don’t want him to worry about you.

“Yes, thank you.” You smile and shake your head in a futile attempt to clear it. “Um, so…ah.” You gesture to the park that the two of you are currently walking past. “This park is a nice place to chill and relax, at least when there’s not too many people. It’s nice to watch the birds.”

June looks around at the park’s trees with a soft smile. “Hmm. Good to know! Love me a good birb.”

You chuckle at that, focusing on his smile. “Well,” you clap your hands together gently. “I’ve taken up enough of your time, it’s been-“ you check your phone’s clock and your eyes widen. “Holy shit, 2 hours. Damn.” Time really flew by, it felt like 45 minutes…

June holds his hands up reassuringly. “Hey, it’s no problem at all! I really appreciate you taking me around town and showing me where stuff is.”

You nod at him with a small smile. “Absolutely!” You hold out your hand to him, offering a handshake. “Well, June, it was really nice to meet you! Thank you for being kind enough to check in on a distressed stranger. You’re a good dude.”

June returns the handshake, his face looking slightly bashful. Adorable, you can’t help thinking to yourself.

“Of course! Wasn’t just gonna pass you by. It was really nice to meet you as well!” He smiles politely, but it doesn’t look forced, to your relief.

You and June let go of the handshake, and you point your thumb in the general direction of your apartment. “I’m walking this way, which direction are you going in? ‘Cause I don’t wanna do that thing where we say goodbye and then we awkwardly end up walking in the same direction.”

June laughs, and it’s a wonderful laugh. Not one of judgement, not one of teasing, but one of understanding. He points his thumb in a different direction. “I totally getcha! I’m going that way, so we’re good on that front.”

“Okay, cool. Well June, it’s been a pleasure. Maybe I’ll see you around town again sometime.” You shrug casually, hoping you’re giving the correct signal that you don’t expect him to give you more of his time, but letting him know you’re open to spending more time with him.

“Yeah, for sure! That’d be cool.” He gives you a friendly wave and gently says your name. “Take care!”

You grin and wave back at him. “You too!” You watch him walk away, and let out a quiet, contented sigh. You watch June stick his hands in his pockets, just looking at stuff around him as he walks, as if everything he passes deserves to be acknowledged and observed.

You don’t want to be weird, so you turn towards the direction of your apartment and start walking home. Instead of having anxiety again about your partner as you make your way back, you instead think about June. The way he made you feel so validated and understood. How he didn’t judge you, how he was laughing with you, not at you, and how it felt so easy to talk to him. You can’t help but feel really happy at the possibility of seeing him again sometime.

Even if your relationship never makes it past acquaintance status, even if you never talk with him again, you’re thankful for the time you got to spend with him today. He made you feel a little less alone, and made you feel better about some things you were either ashamed of or worried about.

You look over your shoulder, spotting him one last time as he grows further in the distance. Your lips curl into a small smile, your heart feeling full.

Thank you, June.

[atoriv-art]

asks

putting these above the readmore because otherwise i will be speaking into the void

fave. grouping these together to say: i do read fanfic on occasion but it's usually filtered through a friend of mine who reads far more than i do! ie, she reads stuff and sends me what she likes

however she did say that i could tell people to link me things so she can read through them. so feel free to link me whatever in the replies/asks/idk. no promises i will be the one reading it LMAO but we have very similar tastes in characters/pairings and also the types of fics we like 👍

i actually gravitate towards gen fics which are a dying breed lol but you can link whatever you want <3

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anyway. under the cut: misc asks, sasuneji 💕, also a tiny hyuga ramble

this is so late LMAO sorry, its all in my old blog @atoriv-moved ! haven't deleted any of it so if anything happened it's tumblr's fault. i miss kingdom hearts i need luxu to be in things again so i can go crazy :/

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thank you so much!!! 😭😭 it always makes me happy to hear the emotional weight of my work comes through! it's what i'm always trying to improve to make the little scenes in my head real :)

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thank you!!!! i never know what to say to these but they always make me smile 8)

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thank you so much!! honestly noses still give me trouble sometimes but as someone who is particular about trying to properly translate 3D shapes, especially of the face, in my rendering it's probably one of the most important landmarks :P and i think you can enhance a design sooo much with them, despite my struggles they're one of my favorite things to draw now!

i totally encourage you to start drawing again if you want to! but i'm biased of course hehe

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cute i never know how to answer these... maybe a little boring but i'm of the opinion sasuke is the clingier one in the rs :)

he's a very loving person but because of both his personality and collection of issues he struggles to fully articulate his thoughts in a manner that doesn't come off as rude or detached, but imo sasuke esp once he's out of his spiral would hate to have his love go unexpressed. so i think him having trouble with words and making up for it with flopping onto the people he loves like a large dog is sooooo cute, and i always think about how clingy he was as a baby.. he is made for latching onto people and wiggling them with a 😐 face

neji on the other hand is Weird About Intimacy since he's trained himself to be self-sufficient, and is hyperaware of how other people might perceive him due to him having to calibrate himself around his family. neji is very principled and especially when he's older won't let his anxieties keep him from doing something he believes in, but it gets a little more complicated when it comes to his personal relationships because for 90% of his life he had no hope of fostering those. so he ends up in a weird middle ground where he Does allow himself to express some of those feelings, but not fully, and often in a very self-conscious manner. his default answer to vulnerability is fluffing up like a cat because that's what's he's trained himself to do lol

so with these two in particular i think it'd combo into a lot of "flopping onto you like a weighed blanket because you're upset and i don't know what to say but i want to be here for you" situations, especially with sasuke doing it to neji because neji struggles with verbally articulating when he needs comfort like that. i think it works wonders for them because sometimes words get really messy when you have their combination of issues... it doesn't mean they can't talk through their problems of course, it just means that if something can be solved by the cat loaf maneuver it will be :)

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not reading too much into it at all, i love it! i like how much people talk about my kabuto hahaha i really want to draw him more often, i think he's a way more interesting character than he's given credit for (and this is coming from someone who really didn't like him at first :P), and his hairstyle change is one of the most obvious ways to explore that visually imo!

tysm for this, i really enjoyed reading it!

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i do! i wish more was done with her because i'm really fascinated by the implications of how she's presented, and how she could've shown that being the favorite child of someone like hiashi isn't necessarily a good thing! i always thought she seems like she's a little dissociated from life outside of the clan, which is really fun to work with (and definitely sucks for her because the clan is Not good lol)

i haven't gotten through the arduous task of watching all naruto filler (lmao) but one of my favorites is the one about hanabi and her relationship with hinata, especially the first half, episode 389 i think? i'm really obsessed with the way that episode shows what day-to-day life was like for the kids and the way the hyuga structure themselves, and how it creates distance between them. i'm pretty sure it implies hanabi (pre-plot) didn't know who neji is, for example? which i get isn't canon but i looove that thought. and on a less deep note hanabi is one of the few characters who gets a design i actually like in boruto! i think she looks soooooo cute

since i spend a lot of time thinking about them i actually am fond of all of the hyuga to some capacity, hiashi definitely in a "wow this guy sucks so much it's impressive" way but still lol i think his relationship with his brother and how it informs how he regards neji is very fascinating, or at least the directions it could have taken (if kishi cared at all.) are!

see my problem is that i wish naruto was about weird families and their issues (i am also obsessed with the suna family <3), but it is a shonen anime made for normal audiences

[tangledbea]

Why does everybody hate Cassandra’s arc in season 3?

Well, not literally everyone hates it. Lots of people think it's really good. I don't like to generalize and say that "everyone" feels a certain way about anything.

But what a lot of people don't like comes from a few different directions, often coming together in the center into a hot mess. I'll do my best to recall all the biggest complaints. (Under a readmore, because it's kind of long and I don't want to subject people to it if they don't want to see it.)

It's incredibly out of character for her to blindly trust a stranger who won't reveal their name to her. She mentions several times during the course of the series that she doesn't trust people (especially people she's only just met), but Zhan Tiri wouldn't even tell her who she was, and Cassandra just decided that what this strange ghost child in a weird and dangerous house had to say was more important that a friendship built over the course of a few years, even if that friendship was currently strained.

Her rancor was poorly sourced. There were legitimately several things Cassandra could have been mad about, even directed at Rapunzel. But being mad at Rapunzel for Gothel choosing to kidnap her and abandon Cassandra was an unsympathetic way to go. She sang a whole song about not wanting to be second best anymore, about always waiting for her time to shine. But that entire story beat was thrown out the window in the face of "I am Gothel's biological daughter". She had one (1) glorious line of, "I'm not taking orders from you anymore!" and then all of that was put to rest in favor of, "My mom abandoned me, so I'm going to blame the abuse victim that she kidnapped."

She kept talking about her destiny, but didn't seem to have any goals beyond "be first over Rapunzel." She never even said what it was her "destiny" to do or be. She wanted to take over Corona? And then what? It's not like this was some long-standing desire of hers. Which leads me to

Cassandra spend the majority of her life defining herself as strong-willed, distrustful, and thinking for herself. But they decided that Zhan Tiri could get into her head as easy as that and start full-on manipulating her from the word "go," and that we'd all just handwave it away and accept that Cassandra was doing villainous things because she was being manipulated. Well, nay, I say. Cassandra was an adult with her own mind, and manipulation isn't as instantaneous as that. They didn't even try to portray it like they did with Rapunzel and Sugracha as complete magical mind control. No, it was Cassandra being given choices and choosing the things that would benefit her and/or hurt other people over and over and over again. But we're supposed to be sympathetic towards her.

She assaulted and kidnapped people, attempting to kill Rapunzel or at very least leave her for dead multiple times, then was surprised to find out she was the villain. And honestly, that surprise does a lot to make me dislike her villain arc. I love me a villain who thrives off their villainy, who revels in it, like she did at the beginning of "Cassandra's Revenge." And even villains like that can be redeemed. But people who choose violence and revenge and hate and are then surprised that they're the villain don't impress me.

Her redemption was rushed, crammed into the last twenty minutes of the series - her realization and apology was literally given about a minute of time - and she only realized she was wrong when she lost. Up until the moment Zhan Tiri wrestled the Moonstone away from her, Cassandra was convinced that she was going to win the day. As soon as she was powerless, she was sorry. And then, she was forgiven by everyone because she was forgiven by Rapunzel.

And things that don't go on the list because enough people disagree with them, or because they don't exactly line up with "why we dislike her villain arc" but are still things that bug me, personally:

That Gothel was her mother at all. I hate that plot point. It's stupid, lazy, and makes no sense.

That her arm getting burned and disfigured was just... dropped as a plot point. We don't know if having the Moonstone was supposed to heal it, or if she'd sufficiently rehabilitated it on the road enough for it not really to bother her anymore, but the showrunner literally said that they decided it wasn't important anymore, so dropped it.

[birchbow]

Gamzee often refers to himself as “pan-rotted” due to his sopor-eating habit as a wriggler (and so does pretty much everyone else at some point). He told Kurloz that he has to really focus in order to remember mission instructions a few chapters back, I think? Gamzee doesn’t have a great self image, but it seems true that he’s often slow to draw inferences unless he’s already paying attention for hints about something specific. Like his default awareness is a little more diffuse, and he has to put in deliberate effort to narrow it down on a particular problem? He attributes this to the sopor, and so does everyone else. What I’m asking is - sopor aside - does being neglected by a lusus affect a troll’s brain development? (Beyond emotional stability and the ability to form secure attachments, ouch.) Since lusii don’t talk I’m not sure about language acquisition but maybe lusii respond positively to grubs babbling? Sidenote: the fact that Gamzee has the scriptures memorized so well almost feels like his chronically understimulated pan grabbed these abundant in-person interactions with authority figures in his early schoolfeeds and ate it up like starving. Sorry this is so rambling 😅

I'm incapable of being brief, especially when I get long asks with lots to chew over, so here's a readmore!

SO There's a moment in canon where Gamzee outright says "[sopor] rots you. Rusts your motherfucking thinkpan." and I think it's up for debate to what extent that's true but also it does seem pretty reasonable that heavy/consistent drug use throughout your adolescence would leave you some cognitive issues!

(Although also, as a person who tests super well in things I intuitively Get and am interested in, but often feels slow and dull, can't fit certain subjects/concepts into my head, and has a hard time remembering all the steps of things I want to do,,,, I put a lot of myself into my characters, is what I'm saying lol.)

RE: not having a lusus, I think that probably would have way more effect than the kid who went through it would assume, yeah. Like, all trolls would know your lusus keeps you safe from predators/intruders, gives you early practice fighting/wrestling, and especially in more rural areas, scavenges and hunts for you especially when you're young. But trolls as a society definitely undervalue the part where they also provide a sense of security and affection, because you're not supposed to want or value those things as a troll!

It's hard to make direct connections since lusii only sort of resemble human parents, but there's certainly studies to show that children of neglectful human parents struggle forming the cognitive pathways they would otherwise establish, and have trouble later in life--even if your caretaker doesn't talk, it seems pretty reasonable to me that having a parental figure who fucks off for long periods of time and leaves you completely alone with no idea when they'll be back would have a pretty similar effect across species! I'm not well-educated enough on that topic to draw the parallels I would want to, but it feels like a solid theory.

Also, quite apart from any of that, there was definitely a chain of cause and effect from "dad doesn't want me and there's no food" to "...but I have sopor slime" to "this makes me less hungry and also I give less of a shit about how hungry and lonely I am" to "if I stop eating this I feel shitty and have a hard time thinking straight and there's like a decade of repressed emotions under there".

RE: scripture, one of the things that I see original-flavor/canon Gamzee do is be all in on his religion, and when that falls out from under him, reorient to the first convincing power he finds, which unfortunately for everybody is the whole mess of Doc Scratch/Li'l Cal/Lord English. It to me feels very much like a guy who has no idea how to make his own ideological support structure, and is desperately looking for someone to give him a belief system and set of rules to follow.

ANYWAY SO hopefully it's fairly clear how that carries forward in a universe where instead, he gets a supportive church that helps him sober up and channels all his deeply-repressed rage into "hey, those aliens over there need conquering, go kill em", and also he's offered these books that are like. The rules. And knowing them gets him approval, and reassures him when he feels like a fuckup, and it turns out he can learn things, if they're things that fit in his brain right, and that's reassuring because he genuinely thinks most of his failings are his own fault for wanting sopor, and Alternian addiction support boils down to "do that again and we'll cull you" so they sure the fuck don't have a compassionate attitude about recovery or good information into after-effects, so everybody else is also just like "yeah, probably you fucked up your brain, idk, git gud".

This is a very lengthy way of agreeing with you lmao. The feedback loop of "oh you're pretty good at this" from authority figures, and it being a topic that he naturally had an interest in, definitely is a big part of why he's so deeply into it.

[lemon-wedges]

Just wanted to ask (and feel free to not answer), but how do you draw so much so quickly? I'm always impressed by how fast you doodle or paint. Also, wanted to say that I appreciate your Barok and DGS art as a whole.

and with this ask i have finally reached an artist milestone 😭

Well theres a short answer and a REALLY long answer (which ill put under cut when i get there).

short answer: practice + refs

which.....can be an annoying thing to hear. And as someone who studies art and has bought a LOT of online courses trying to figure out how industry people can just churn out work like nothing. it feels like a let down every time i find out their big secret. just practice and photo refs. Every. Single. Time.

LONG ANSWER:

its how you studying your refs. heres how i do mine

sorry if this is rambly. but ill try my best to at least be clear. BUT THIS is the EXACT way i taught myself how to be quicker.

I do not know if youve taken any art classes but essentially one of the ways to study gesture drawing is by first tracing ur photo ref to get a sense of the flow/proportions of the body. youve probably seen a billion of these tutorials floating around:

So last year around hmmmm june/july? i was NOT looking to get better at my anatomy or gesture. i was actually trying to get better at clothes. but my problem was it took me so long to draw out a figure (which i was fine with cause i liked how my people looked at the time) that i could never really just focus clothing part.

So i told myself look. ur not looking to draw in this style like this forever. so for now SIMPLIFY SIMPLIFY SIMPLIFY!!!! I WANT THE BAREBONES OF A HUMAN HERE TO MAKE A MANIQUIEN FOR CLOTHES OK

but how do i do that....

Im gonna use this piece as an example from my rise and yosuke fashion palooza month. FIRST u see i got all my photo refs together. i like those poses on the right and i want to switch out the clothes for the other ones i picked out. i trace out my poses. kind of like the tutorial up top but since this is about draping i was focused the exact places their waist/arms/legs/etc would bend.

and like the tutorial u turn off the photo ref and do a drawing based off that traced piece.

then i would turn on my refs and add on my clothes

And after a month of just doing that over and over and over. i was surprised to find that figures and poses were so much easier to understand when i would break them down like this. and once u get familiar with them the faster and more confidently you'll draw them.

I and still do this btw. heres my otasune from the last week

i used photo refs for all my sketches. if i cant find anything online to match what i want i just take photos of myself. and some might say well arent u just relying on reference TOO much?

AND AGAIN take it from someone who has spend a lot of money buying classes from their fav artists in the industry. The Secret of how they churn out so much cool work so fast always turns out to be this. practice and photo refs.

Every. Single. Time.(tho this is omitting a lot. im not getting into like they way they stylize their art work. that actually the fastest and funnest thing to do once u have ur base down)

Now PAINTING

The thing is, i dont actually post up all my work on this blog. So theres a ton of stuff you havent seen me do. These are some paintings i did 2 years ago for a class.

I already know how to pick my values and set up lighting. When you see me painting my figures now. i am not focused on learning these basics im actually just honing a technique.

you might see me post readmores with these kinds of wips. I lay in all my colors and lighting with the lasso tool. ALL THE MAJOR DECSIONS ARE DONE HERE

(the little miniature i add on the side basically tells me what the overall feeling is going to be when i blend in the lineart to be cohesive with my colors) ( also if you had any questions on my prepainting process tho. feel free to ask!!!)

and if you compare this wip to my finished piece youll actually find that i dont stray that far from what i've laid in.

everything happening at THIS stage is about feeling out how i want the textures to blend with one another and getting funky with some brush strokes.

and thats it? im not sure if any of this is helpful but if anything. i hope you come away from this feeling like what ive been doing here is nothing special. "THATS IT???? THATS ALL THERE IS??? well i could have done that :T"

exactly man. you can do ALL OF THIS aND MORE!!! I BELIEVE IN U :D

but ill let this be the last thing i leave u with my friend: my barok sketch and the refs i used for his boobies

[whitefangz]

sorry i need to overshare on tumblr dot com. nothing serious but it might be long so im putting it under a readmore

i started seeing a therapist in june and just stopped and i am not intending this to come across as anti therapy in any way but im like LASKJF idk. i need to tell somebody else about this. I contacted her in like mid May i think and i specifically sought her out bc she said she does cognitive behavioral therapy and ive read thats a good option for people dealing w my issues and started seeing her in june and like. The first couple of times were fine i honestly didnt really like it but everyone and their dog is always like ohhh it always kinda sucks at first and also i simply hate talking about my feelings etc so i expected that. fine whatever. anyway red flag number one was that she didnt seem to understand how insurance works at all and said i could just pay her on venmo. and i was like. Um ok. but she said i wouldnt need to for a couple weeks so i just left it alone. red flag number two is that one time she brought her enormous dog and it lunged at me and tried to bite me in the face. LASJKFG which to be honest. I almost walked out at that point and i mean she was very apologetic + usual dog owner "he never does that im so sorry!!!!!!" and removed him from the office but like Who fucking brings their horse sized dog to a therapy appt without asking if the person is ok with it. And like she was accredited and shit its not like i was going to see someone in their basement. i would ignore these if i thought her sessions were like remotely helpful but all she would do was like. Ask me about what i did and then tell me not to do that. Like i pace around the house a lot when im anxious. and she would be like well try not to do that. ok! see you next week. Like. Do you think ive not thought of that one. she also kept insisting that my phobia has to be like rooted in some kind of trauma or that its actually Secretly about being afraid of embarrassment and i would be like. i dont think its either of those things. and then she'd be like Ok well i don't really know how to help you :/ Which honestly idk. i was put off by her saying that repeatedly as is but then last week she just decided she was going to make me try exposure therapy which i told her before i don't want to do / don't feel ready to do right now. i just want to focus on managing the anxiety first. and she just like told me to do it anyway LJKFD idk. i emailed her to tell her i didnt want to continue and she was like that's ok. you might want to try EMDR therapy. btw you still ahve to pay me on venmo. and im just sitting here like 1) No i dont think i will need to try that and 2) I paid her thru my insurance like a normal person LASKJF like i dont know. i feel like i dodged a bullet or something. i'll try again someday but at this point im just happy to stop paying $20 a week for a woman to tell me to meditate. perhaps this is an uninteresting wall of text but if you read this far picture me shaking your hand. just a life update from me

[traumacatholic]

please pray for me. This is too unbearable and there is no respite in sight

Of course, I'm so very sorry that you're struggling right now. I pray that God will send you the comfort and strength that you need. If you can, I would also recommend taking some time each day to read some Psalms. The Psalms have a lot of prayers that really speak to being in this condition, and I hope that they will be of some comfort to you.

Under the readmore, I will include some other prayers that you might benefit from. If you can, each day try and pray one or two prayers that really resonate with you. If at times, these prayers are too long for you. Then try your best to pray 'Lord, have mercy' or 'Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner'. When I am in a lot of distress, I find saying the Jesus prayer as I fall asleep (or during times of great pain or anxiety) to be of some comfort. And I hope it can be of comfort to you. There are audio recordings of the Jesus prayer on Youtube and Spotify, that you could always play if that would help you.

Prayer for Mental Health

O Master, Lord my God, in Whose hands is my destiny: Help me according to Thy mercy, and leave me not to perish in my transgressions, nor allow me to follow them who place desires of the flesh over those of the spirit. I am Thy creation; disdain not the work of Thy hands. Turn not away; be compassionate and humiliate me not, neither scorn me, O Lord, as I am weak. I have fled unto Thee as my Protector and God. Heal my soul, for I have sinned against Thee. Save me for Thy mercy's sake, for I have cleaved unto Thee from my youth; let me who seeks Thee not be put to shame by being rejected by Thee for mine unclean actions, unseemly thoughts, and unprofitable remembrances. Drive away from me every filthy thing and excess of evil. For Thou alone art holy, alone mighty, and alone immortal, in all things having unexcelled might, which, through Thee, is given to all that strive against the devil and the might of his armies. For unto Thee is due all glory, honor and worship: To the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen.

Prayer for Healing

O Christ, Who alone art our Defender: Visit and heal Thy suffering servants, delivering them from sickness and grievous pains. Raise them up that they may sing to Thee and praise Thee without ceasing, through the prayers of the Theotokos, O Thou Who alone lovest mankind.

Prayer to the Theotokos for Healing

Where bitter sorrows overcome us, there will Patience and Rest be revealed.

Where the torment of despair dwells in the soul, there will shine the ineffable Light of Divinity!

Console the fainthearted, strengthen the weak, bestow softening and enlightenment upon embittered hearts. Heal Thine ailing people, O All-merciful Queen!

Bless the minds and hands of our physicians, that they might serve as instruments of the All-powerful Physician, Christ our Savior.

We pray before Thine Icon, that Thou mightest truly live with us, O Sovereign Lady!

Stretch out Thine hands, filled with healing and cures, O Joy of the sorrowful, Consolation in afflictions, that having speedily received miraculous help, we may glorify the Life-creating and Undivided Trinity, the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, unto the ages of ages.

Amen.

Healing Prayer of Saint Ambrose of Milan

Thee alone I follow, Lord Jesus, Who heals my wounds. For what shall separate me from the love of God, which is in Thee? Shall tribulation, or distress, or famine? I am held fast as though by nails, and fettered by the bonds of charity. Remove from me, O Lord Jesus, with Thy potent sword, the corruption of my sins. Secure me in the bonds of Thy love; cut away what is corrupt in me. Come quickly and make an end of my many, my hidden and secret afflictions. Open the wound lest the evil humor spread. With Thy new washing, cleanse in me all that is stained. Hear me, you earthly men, who in your sins bring forth drunken thoughts: I have found a Physician. He dwells in Heaven and distributes His healing on earth. He alone can heal my pains Who Himself has none. He alone Who knows what is hidden can take away the grief of my heart, the fear of my soul: Jesus Christ. Christ is grace! Christ is life! Christ is Resurrection! Amen.

Prayer to the Mother of God in a Time of Distress

O my beloved Queen, my hope, O Mother of God, protector of orphans and protector of those who are hurt, the savior of those who perish and the consolation of all those who are in distress, thou seest my misery, thou seest my sorrow and my loneliness. Help me—I am powerless; give me strength. Thou knowest what I suffer, thou knowest my grief: Lend me thy hand, for who else can be my hope but thee, my protector and my intercessor before God? I have sinned before thee and before all people. Be my Mother, my consoler, my helper. Protect me and save me, chase grief away from me, chase my lowness of heart and my despondency. Help me, O Mother of my God!

Prayer against Passions, Torments, Despair and Distress

Waves of passion disturb my spirit, great sadness and anguish have overwhelmed my soul. Embalm my soul with Thy Son's peace, O Most Holy One, and by His Grace drive away every doubt and despair. Calm the storm of my sins that, like a fiery worm, burn me, and quench its flame. Fill my heart with joy, O Most Pure One, and disperse the fog of my iniquities before me, for it confuses me. Illumine me with the light of Thy Son. Helpless is my soul, and everything is cumbersome, even prayer. Here I am, cold as a stone, my lips whispering prayers, while my heart remains immovable, for it is smothered in anguish. Melt the ice which envelops my soul and warm my heart with Thy love.

I rely not on human protection, but fall down before Thee, O Most Pure Sovereign Mother of God; reject me not, but hearken unto the prayer of Thy servant. Sadness has overcome me; I can endure the demonic attack no more. I have no protection; there is no shelter for this poor man, and in this battle I am ever being wounded. I have no consolation, but in Thee, O Holy Sovereign. O Hope and Protection of all who believe, reject not my prayer.

O Most Holy Mother of Christ, Most Pure, Most Blessed Theotokos, Satan is pounding at me like the waves of the sea against a ship, pursuing me by day and tormenting me at night. I have no peace; turbulent is my soul, my spirit trembles. Hearken, O Most Holy One and help me. Intercede before the dear Lord that He may have mercy on me and forgive the sins I have committed. O Most Holy Mother of Jesus, Thy grace is great, and the mightiest opponent to the powers of Hades. Thou art able to save even the greatest of sinners who, having been cast into the depths of hell by unclean powers, should call upon Thee. So too, save me, for lo, Satan will have me stumble and will destroy my faith, but I trust in the Lord. I magnify Thee, Who art more holy than the Cherubim and the Seraphim.

Amen.

Guardian Angel Prayers for Protection

O Angel of God, my Holy Guardian, safeguard my life in the fear of Christ the God, set my mind on the right path, and strengthen my soul in the love of God. Guide me that I may receive a great mercy from Christ the God.

O Holy Angel, standing by my miserable soul and by my life affected by passions: Leave me not alone, nor depart from me because of my intemperance. Leave no chance to the crafty demon to get hold of me by overpowering this mortal flesh of mine. Strengthen my miserable and feeble hand, and set me upon the path of salvation. Yea, O Holy Angel of God, the guardian and protector of my miserable soul and body: Forgive me everything whereinsoever I have offended thee in all the days of my life; And if I have committed any sin during the last night, protect me during the coming day; And save me from every temptation of the adversary so that with no sin of mine should I incur the anger of God. Pray to God for me that He may fortify me in the fear of Him, and make me a servant worthy of His kindness.

Amen.

Prayers for yourself in sickness

O Lord Jesus Christ our Saviour, the Physician of our souls and bodies, Who didst become Man and suffer death on the Cross for our salvation, and through Thy tender love and compassion didst heal all manner of sickness and affliction: do Thou, O Lord, visit me in my suffering, and grant me grace and strength to bear this sickness with which I am afflicted, with Christian patience and submission to Thy will, trusting in Thy lovingkindness and tender mercy. Bless, I pray Thee, the means used for my recovery, and those who administer them. I know, O Lord, that I justly deserve any punishment Thou mayest inflict upon me, for I have so often offended Thee and sinned against Thee in thought, word, and deed. Therefore, I humbly pray to Thee, look upon my weakness, and deal not with me according to my sins, but according to the multitude of Thy mercies. Have compassion on me, and let mercy and justice meet; and deliver me from the sickness and suffering I am undergoing. Grant that my sickness may be the means of my true repentance and amendment of my life according to Thy will, that I may spend the rest of my days in Thy love and fear; that my soul, being helped by Thy grace and sanctified by Thy holy mysteries, may be prepared for its transition to the eternal life and there, in the company of Thy blessed saints, may praise and glorify Thee with Thy Eternal Father and Life-giving Spirit. Amen.

* * *

O Holy Father, heavenly Physician of the body and soul, Who hast sent Thine Only-begotten Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, to heal ailments and deliver us from death; do Thou heal me, Thy servant, of all suffering, and restore me to health by the grace of Thy Divine Son, through the intercessions of our Most Holy Queen Ever-virgin Mary, the Mother of God, and all the saints. For Thou art the Fountain of all cure, O Lord, and we give thanks to Thee, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, now and forever, and unto ages of ages. Amen.

Prayers to Saint Dymphna

Good Saint Dymphna, great wonder-worker in every affliction of mind and body, I humbly implore your powerful intercession with Jesus through Mary, the Health of the Sick, in my present need. (Mention it.) Saint Dymphna, martyr of purity, patroness of those who suffer with nervous and mental afflictions, beloved child of Jesus and Mary, pray to Them for me and obtain my request.

(Pray one Our Father, one Hail Mary and one Glory Be.)

Saint Dymphna, Virgin and Martyr, pray for us.

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I turn to you, dear virgin and martyr, confident of your power with God and of your willingness to take my cause into your hands. I praise and bless the Lord for giving you to us as patron of the nervous and emotionally disturbed. I firmly hope that through your kind intercession He will restore my lost serenity and peace of mind. May He speak to my heart and reassure me: "My peace I give you. Let not your heart be troubled nor let it be afraid." Pray for me, dear St. Dymphna, that my nervous and emotional turmoil may cease, and that I may again know serenity and personal peace. Amen.

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I appeal to you in my illness, dear St. Dymphna. I would be so grateful for a total and happy recovery, for the blessed gift of health in every fiber of my being. May the Lord Jesus, who mercifully healed the sick during His earthly days, have pity on me and make me well again. Ask Him to command sickness to depart and grant me a full measure of health, that I may rejoice in giving Him glory and praise. Amen.

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Glorious St. Dymphna, you are the patron of the nervous and emotionally disturbed. I am certain, however, that your charity embraces everyone. I am certain that you lend a listening ear to any prayer offered for any special need. You will, I am sure, take my problem to heart and pray for me that it may be happily settled. (Here mention your special problem or difficulty.) You will plead for me and obtain the help I need. Already I offer you my sincere and grateful thanks, so great is my confidence that God will hear and answer your prayers. Amen. St. Dymphna, Virgin and Martyr, pray for us. St. Dymphna, patron of nervous and emotional illnesses, pray for us. St. Dymphna, crowned for the glory in heaven, pray for us. St. Dymphna, faithful to your covenant with Christ, pray for us. St. Dymphna, precious in the eyes of the Lord, pray for us. St. Dymphna, our helper in every need, pray for us. St. Dymphna, our friend at heave's court, pray for us.