#captain ryan | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

i-was-bored-so-this-happened · 2 years

Text

Alexandra's Evolution Chapter Three: Monster Hoax - Part Three

Fandom: Primeval Wordcount: 4k Warnings: None

The team works together for the first time to get Alex and Connor back to the Forest of Dean before it's too late. Alex goes looking for the Gorgonopsid and runs into Captain Ryan while Nick's given permission to go through the anomaly to take Rex home

Read on AO3 Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

--------------------------------------

The papers don’t take long to sign. Or they wouldn’t take long if Alex, Stephen and Nick were refusing to sign them until the latter two had given them a thorough read-through. Abby follows suit and makes Connor think twice about it, hesitating long enough for Nick to pick up his pile of papers to compare them to the others.

“It’s all really very straight-forward, Professor-” Leek tries, not getting much further before Cutter interrupts,

“I’d like to find that out for myself, thanks.” Cutter looks up from the papers, slides his pile over to Stephen, who’s sitting next to him at the round table. They’re all sitting there, bar Leek who’s hovering over Alex’s shoulder, watching the two of them analyse the papers. “I would, however, like to know,” oh, apparently Nick isn’t finished. Alex knows that look, that determination to piss someone off. It should be fun, “This, if it is what you say it is, could be one of the greatest scientific discoveries of our time. Windows into the past could provide us invaluable knowledge, answers to age-old questions. Why haven’t you brought in scientists before now?”

“Everything we do is run through the Minister-” Leek starts.

“Which one?” Stephen asks

“Sign the papers and I can tell you.” Leek replies calmly. Stephen clicks his tongue, seemingly irritatedly, but it catches Alex’s attention. His eyes dart from his niece to Leek, to Alex, to Leek. To Leek’s hand, tucked into his pocket. The ID card clipped to the belt loop of his trousers.

Alex pushes her chair back to stand, letting it scrape across the floor and narrowly avoiding Leek’s knees.

“What happens if another creature comes through the anomaly? Or the carnivore turns up and wants to go home?” she asks, deliberately pushing into Leek’s personal space. He doesn’t seem to mind, standing his ground, though he does pull his hands out of his pockets as though preparing to push her back.

“Our men will deal with it.”

“They’ll kill it, you mean,” Alex counters, “Government discovers something they don’t understand and instead of admitting their faults they shove bullets up its nose to keep it quiet. Tale as old as time, innit, Oliver?”

“Alexandra, I assure you-”

“It’s an innocent creature,” Abby has risen to her feet now - Alex had known mentioning the creatures would get the zookeeper’s hackles up, “They all are! They don’t know where they are or what they’re doing, you don’t even know what they are ! You shouldn’t be killing them.”

“I-”

“You know they’re from the past,” Connor has joined their ranks, and neither of them are quite sure whether to be grateful or not yet, “you’re effectively changing our timeline every time you do something to the creatures or the anomalies, yeah?” grateful, definitely grateful, “You could wipe out entire species, stop human beings from evolving. You could create any number of paradoxes.”

“Good kids,” Alex hears Nick mutter to her uncle before more audibly addressing Leek, “I think they’ve clearly communicated our issues. What are you going to do about it?”

“I. I will present your complaints to Lester.” Leek offers, starting to sound a little flustered now. He clearly hadn’t expected them to think through signing these papers, but all of this is just a little too odd and all happening too quickly for it to sit comfortably with any of them. Except maybe Connor. All this probably plays quite well into one of his conspiracy theories. Leek hesitates for a moment, straightens his suit jacket, and turns to leave the room. The party is left on its own, Abby, Connor and Alex still standing in a small defiant clump, Nick and Stephen sitting with a pen and the pile of forms.

“Did you get it?” Stephen asks. Abby and Connor frown at each other, confused.

“Course I got it.” Alex smiles as she turns to the others, Leek’s ID clip dangling from her finger. His wallet is in her other hand.

“You weren’t supposed to take his wallet, he’ll notice that.”

“I just want to know who he is. And I don’t have any change.”

“Change for what?” Connor asks, “What are we doing?”

“ Alex is going back to the Forest,” Stephen tells him, “We need to know what’s going on, and she can track down whatever it was we missed.”

“We can’t risk that creature killing someone,” Nick adds, “and we can’t be sure they’re telling the truth about any of this.”

“Did you get his keys?” Stephen asks. Alex shakes her head,

“Nah. This’ll get me into the carpark, I’ll find something. Here, Connor.” Alex tosses him his phone.

“Can I come with you?” he asks, flipping his phone open to check if his pictures of the creature are still on there.

“Thought you weren’t outdoorsy.” Stephen drawls, scribbling out a paragraph of one of the forms.

“Sure you can,” Alex tells him, “You’re the one that got us out to the Forest in the first place. But we’ve got to go now, before Leek figures out I’ve nicked it. Take your laptop.”

***

By the time they get back to the Forest, the sun has risen. Connor had fallen asleep on the drive, lulled into unconsciousness by late-night radio, but she’s shaken him awake. They don’t have the time for naps. She’d parked the car about as far in the woods as she can get a pick-up, in one of the interior car parks she knows of, not wanting it to get spotted on any security cameras.

“And how are we going to find it? Where even are we?” Connor asks.

“I track, Connor, remember? I know exactly where we are. All we have to do is find tracks that don’t fit.”

“Should we call the professor?”

“They’ll have figured out we took the car by now, they’ll be on their way,” She reaches back into the car, pulling out her bag and passing it to Connor, “Still got that compass?” he nods, “Take me north-east.”

The grass of the woods is still wet with the morning dew, little spider webs that look as though they’re made of miniscule glass beads. What Alex needs is mud, soft stuff that’ll retain the shape of prints. What she gets is a pile of dung which, while promising and full of information if she had the time to spend with it, doesn’t tell her much about what direction the creature it came from might have gone in. Connor talks incessantly, Alex soon discovers, even when he has no idea what he’s talking about. He had attempted to discuss Abby’s attractiveness at one point, just before Alex reminded him that yesterday he’d said he had a girlfriend. More like a penpal, really, apparently.

“Look!” she cuts off his sputtering explanation, crouching by a fallen tree, “Something’s been through here. Something big, something angry,” the trunk’s been ripped in two as easily as wet paper. The tree itself had been perfectly healthy, she can still smell it. Staying low to the ground, she creeps forward, holding up a hand whenever Connor makes a sound. He’s making it very difficult for her to hear if there’s anything moving around them, even without talking. He keeps sniffing and sneezing, and it’s not as if he’s particularly graceful stumbling through unfamiliar woodlands. She stops several paces from the broken tree, the trampled ferns, and holds her hand over the ground. There’s a print there, at least twice the size of her hand.

“Connor, get your laptop out. Permian-era predators, if that was a Scutosaurus last night. Quadrupedal, three-toed, heavyweight champion. Tell me it’s not what I think it is.” Connor settles himself on a nearby rock, and Alex takes in as much of the surrounding area as she can without losing sight of him. She establishes the creature’s most likely path, reorients herself within the forest to work out what it might be moving towards.

“I think it’s what you think it is.” Connor calls from his perch.

“Don’t shout when you know there’s a hungry carnivore around, idiot,” Alex hisses, darting back to the rock, “Tell me then.” Connor turns the laptop around on his knees so she can see the screen.

“Gorgonopsid,” the illustration shows her exactly what she hadn’t wanted to see - a lump of muscles held together with big teeth, “It’s a compact killing machine-”

“History’s worst version of the pitbull model.” Alex remarks.

“If it is still out there, Alex, you’ve got to find it.”

“Thanks for volunteering to help.”

“I’m not exactly…” Connor waves a vague hand at her, “Cut out for that. I’m more. Backup.”

“Well, backup, pass my phone and I’ll call the professor. I think this thing’s headed for the school.”

“ School?” Connor asks, shocked. Alex doesn’t get a chance to explain before her bag starts buzzing.

“Connor, phone!” It’s Stephen’s number, but it’s not his voice.

Where the hell are you? Leek, we’re almost at the forest but none of the men have seen you yet.

“Good, they weren’t supposed to.”

Where are you, Alexandra, we are this close to pressing charges. You’d better have Connor with you.

“Yes, I have Connor. We’re in the forest, tracking the creature. Tell Nick it’s a Gorgonopsid, got it? I’ll wager your men haven’t found it yet, have they?”

No, they’re looking for you, you-

“Well you’d better tell someone it’s on its way to the local primary school. I think it’s after Ben-”

Ben?

“The boy, the one that found the flying lizard. The Gorgonopsid attacked his house and now it must have tracked him to school, so I suggest you get some of your people out there before playtime. Connor’ll meet you at the anomaly.” Alex snaps the phone shut even as Leek protests.

“We will?” Connor asks, confused. He’d heard most of the conversation, but there’s only so much one person can process in a day. Alex picks up her bag and starts rifling through it as she explains,

“ You will, yes. Go east until the compass starts losing itself and then start yelling, the soldiers will find you if you don’t find them first.” A scarf flies out of the bag, a notebook.

“Wait, what are you going to do?” Connor asks, closing his laptop with a loud click and pushing himself to his feet. Alex, having found what she was looking for, pulls something small and red from her bag which produces a blade after some struggling.

“I’m going to go catch a dinosaur.”

“With that thing?”

“I don’t exactly carry a shotgun around with me, Connor,” As she speaks, she shoves her things back into her bag, “The Swiss Army’s going to have to do.” Alex stands, claps her new friend on the shoulder and jogs off.

“Alex! Alex!” Connor shouts after her, really not wanting to plunge head first into the forest containing what seem to be deadly creatures.

“Go east to the anomaly! Tell them I’m on my way!” Alex calls back, something like exhilaration lifting her voice as she picks up speed. A dinosaur. She buys it now, after last night, after Leek, and the idea of something so outrageously impossible is wonderful. A real dinosaur is something she’s dreamed of since she was a child.

Her feet forge a path through the forest easily, leaping over other fallen branches, eyes darting ahead to keep track of the prints. The Gorgonopsid has taken the shortest route it can, by the looks of it, but it’s still not exactly close. The hope is that she can catch up with it before it reaches the school. When the tracks start getting deeper, fresher, she starts shouting. Not anything in particular, just making noise in the hopes of sounding tastier than a fast-fading scent trail. The downside to crashing through the forest like this is that she can’t hear if anything else is coming towards her very easily, the sound of her breathing almost drowning out her footfalls, but there is one thing louder than her. A roar, rumbling through the trees. She’s been heard.

Alex swerves, going towards the sound, pushing herself to go faster. Stephen’s a runner so, like it or not, Alex is one too. Right now, it’s working in her favour. The roar stops, and she shouts again. There’s something there, audible now, the footsteps of a predator wondering who dared interrupt its hunt. Alex skids to a halt, planting herself beside a rather wide tree she can dodge around if necessary. The creature’s angry, but it’s not moving towards her very quickly. Cautious perhaps, unsure if this strange world contains things bigger than itself. It emerges from between the trees, and her breath would catch if she wasn’t trying so hard to get it back from the chase.

At first glance it doesn’t seem as well-built as the Scutosaurus - all muscle and no armour - but it looks to be about the same height. Vaguely mammalian, definitely Permian. Its face is long, sabre teeth poking out of its mouth. An illustration come to life, like the Scutosaurus. If Alex had more time with it she would be able to compare it to sketches, mentally match the fossils to the real thing, but she really doesn’t. She’s distracted it from the school, from Ben, but that means its next target is her. She’s small and soft and chewable. Moving her knife in her hand, she tries to catch a reflection from the sun to throw into its eyes.

“Hello, beastie,” she says, not shouting anymore. The Gorgonopsid growls, still sussing her out, “Leave the kids alone. Try me on for size.” A last turn of the knife and light dances across the creature’s face, making it growl and draw back, “Yeah, that’s annoying, isn’t it?” She does it again, and the growl grows louder. She doesn’t have to do it a third time. It roars again, charges. Alex counts the seconds, waiting long enough to keep its interest but not so long that she loses her headstart when she starts running. Soon enough she turns, tries to take off, and falls. Something solid and heavy has rammed into her, knocking her to the ground. The Gorgonopsid thunders overhead and a second stretches into eternity and somehow compresses into a single heartbeat as its feet slam into the ground by Alex’s head, her ankles. Her vision is cut into slices, whatever had knocked her over moving, trying to pull her out of the way. She watches the dinosaur go, marvelling at how it runs, seeing the power in its back legs that would allow it to store its prey in trees. Reality hits. Something, someone, is on her, arms around her head, their full weight on her body.

Her breath comes back to her all at once as they shift their weight off her stomach, and she sits up and pushes them, hard, coughing,

“Get off me, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” It’s a man. Taller than her, broader. Really heavy.

“Saving your ruddy life.” He’s a soldier, clearly, she knows the type, dressed all in black bar a blue badge on his shoulder.

“I didn’t need saving!”

“You’re Alex, then.”

“And you took your bloody time.” Alex pushes herself to her feet, taking a moment to make sure her breathing’s even. He must have dropped a gun to knock her over. She spies it lying in a nearby patch of moss.

“Well, I had to find you first, didn’t I?” the man counters tartly, still on the ground while Alex brushes leaves from her jeans.

“Now you have to keep up with me.”

“What?”

“I had a plan, you’ve just wrecked it!” Alex calls with false cheerfulness as she takes up the chase again. There’s the sound of leaves sliding over one another as the soldier tries to get up and grab his gun.

“Hey! Hey! Come back!” To his credit, he catches up fairly quickly. “You’re mad.”

“It has been said,” Alex admits, “What’s your name, soldier?” snatches of sentences come between sharp breaths, but it works.

“Captain Ryan.”

“If you want me to cooperate, don’t shoot it.”

“What?”

“Don’t hurt it. I want to-” Alex breaks off to jump over a log, “-send it home. We scare it through, but we have to keep up with it.”

“You can’t! The professor’s in there!”

“Oh, Nick has all the fun.”

***

Rather a large group of people have congregated around the anomaly. All authorised personnel, of course. Several things are going on at once. Nick had convinced Lester to allow him through the anomaly, partly to return Rex to his own time and partly to act on a hunch, which in itself had warranted a dozen extra people. Travel through the anomalies has never been sanctioned before, but the Minister’s been anxious to have scientists on the team and Leek is so adamant that these are the right people that Lester’s allowed it. Leek himself is a little deeper in the woods, barking at Stephen who’s arguing back quite effectively. Abby’s sitting on some plastic crates, picking at her nails nervously while she watches the anomaly. Connor’s managed to weasel his way next to her after extracting himself from the soldiers and giving them all the information he had. He’s holding a pack of paperclips he’d found in his bag so he can feel the magnetic pull of the portal.

They’re waiting. For…something. Anything, really. For Nick to come back, a creature to come lumbering out of the woods. For Alex, and the captain they’d sent after her. No one knows where she is now, but her uncle doesn’t seem to be too concerned and the professor still felt he should go ahead with his expedition, so Connor and Abby take these as positive signs. It hadn’t taken long for Connor to find the anomaly again - or more accurately, for the soldiers to find him like Alex had said, and he’d been brought back in time to see the professor go through. He’s not sure how much time has passed. His watch has stopped. But it feels like a long time to him. His knee has started bouncing and every so often he shakes the paperclips just for some variety.

Something loud is coming. Connor doesn’t hear it at first, he notices the soldiers standing to attention, lifting their guns, before he feels the thundering footfalls of the creature. The trees rustle as they shake, the Gorgonopsid disturbing their branches as it treads on their roots. Connor stands, moving towards Abby as Stephen slides out of Leek’s reach and darts over to them.

Something a lot smaller than the Gorgonopsid bursts out of the trees. Something shorter than Connor, with blonde hair and a really loud voice,

“ Don’t shoot!”

“Alex!”

“Stop him!”

“Stop her!”

The first voice belongs to Alex Hart, streaking past everyone and through the anomaly. The second is her uncle’s, calling after her and jump-starting into a run before Lester’s voice rings out and he’s tackled away from the portal, pushed out of the path of the stampeding Gorgonopsid as it follows his niece. That fourth voice comes from Captain Ryan, the soldier that had been sent to bring Alex back. He hasn’t exactly succeeded, by the looks of it, tearing after both Alex and the dinosaur and straight through the anomaly. A few moments later, he stops just short of slamming into her and knocking her to the ground again.

Sight of the other side of the anomaly had quite literally stopped her in her tracks. The Gorgonopsid had peeled off to the side upon finding itself back in its home and its home full of the same figures that had been chasing him through the woods. Alex hardly sees the other soldiers, nothing but ants compared to everything else that unfolds in front of her. Heat rises from the ground, turned black with ash from the smoking volcanoes she can see rising above the other hills. Definitely not in England anymore. Nowhere near it. The air itself is warm as Alex breathes it in. Ashy, like the ground. A smell not unlike pine is all that is consistent with the world they’ve left behind.

“Permian. We were right.” These are the first words she says. Whispers, really. Captain Ryan draws level with her, gun ready. He hasn’t been through any of the anomalies before, only dealt with the creatures that came through them, and now he has some idea of how bizarre all this must be to these civilians.

“How long ago is that?” he asks quietly.

“We could be anytime between two hundred and fifty and three hundred million years ago,” Alex answers, crouching to sift a handful of earth through her hand, “But given the creatures we’ve seen I’d say we’re closer to the two-fifty mark.” Ash falls through her fingers as she moves to stand again, to tuck the little stones she’d picked up in an empty pocket without the soldier seeing, unsure how he would feel about bringing souvenirs back. She feels rather like Alice in Wonderland. Believing in at least six impossible things before breakfast. But it has to be possible, because she’s looking at it, she can feel it, smell it, hear it. A herd of Scutosaurus meandering along the dip of a valley. The Gorgonopsid roaring in the distance, lizards like Rex chittering as they soar through the air. After several long moments, Alex refocuses on the other human beings. Namely, the familiar figure of the man trudging towards her, looking far too down in the dumps for his surroundings.

“Nick! Nick, are you seeing this? The information we could get from this place…” her efforts to cheer him up are wasted, she sees in a moment. He’s holding something. A box? “Nick?”

“Someone’s been here before us.”

“What?” Alex reaches out, touches his elbow, prompting him to look up and at her.

“There’s a camp down there. Modern equipment and provisions.” One of the soldiers answers before Cutter does. Captain Ryan moves forward to form a huddle with the soldiers, words passing between them in mumbles.

“There was a body,” Nick says, “Clean skeleton.” It’s a harsh reality check. This isn’t Wonderland, no matter how fantastical. The Gorgonopsid isn’t a puppet or an animatronic. “And this.” He tosses the box to her, and she finds it isn’t a box. A camera case, old and weathered. With her thumb she finds something engraved in the case and turns it to see letters. HC.

“Helen?”

“Her camera. Not her body.”

“She came here with someone else?”

“Possibly. Or maybe the anomaly opened after she came through and someone came through, found her old camp but never came back. She knew,” Nick’s gaze shifts over Alex’s shoulder to the middle-distance, “She knew about the anomaly, she knew what it was. And she never told any of us.”

“She didn’t tell us a lot of things,” Alex makes an effort to soften her tone, “D’you think she’s still alive?”

“I don’t know. If we can get some photos out of this maybe it can tell us something.”

“I’m sorry, Nick.” Alex tightens her grip on his elbow. He’s always been quite complicated to comfort. Stephen’s a lot better at it than she is, he understands the tangle of emotions that surrounds the Cutters more than Alex does. Remembers more of it.

“Professor!” the huddle of soldiers has broken apart, fanned out around Nick and Alex. It’s the captain that speaks, Ryan, “The anomaly, it’s closing. We have to go.”

“What happens if it closes?” Alex asks.

“We’re stuck here unless it opens again, but god knows when that might happen.”

“Good enough reason, Nick, let’s go.” she keeps hold of his elbow to make sure he follows her, letting go when he draws level and walks beside her. As soldiers flank them she passes him the camera, and he turns it over and over in his hands.

The damp spring air of modern-day England is like a slap to the face, the ground soft in a way it hadn’t felt before. The greens of the trees seem deeper, darker after the brightness of the other side. People surround them, more soldiers, a set of paramedics. Stephen pushes through them, wedges himself between Alex and Nick.

“You’re mad, both of you,” he mutters, elbowing Nick, “She gets it from you, you know.” The strange pulsing sound of the anomaly grows louder and then stops as Nick chuckles to himself, the light of it winking out. Stephen reaches out, brushes ash off Alex’s cheek with his knuckles, asks if she’s alright. She’s interrupted before she can answer.

“Alex Hart. I should have you arrested.” Ah. The man in the suit’s here. He seems out of place when not surrounded by steel and concrete, as if standing in front of a greenscreen with the wrong background.

“Lester, was it?” she asks, still smiling.

“Within hours of our first meeting, you stole a form of identification from my adviser and used it to steal a car - government property, I might add - and break out of a government facility in order to break into a secured area and have a dangerous creature chase you through a portal to the past with no regard of your own safety or anyone else’s or, in fact, any idea of what was on the other side of said portal, do I have all of that correct?”

“I’ll take your job.” Alex replies cheerfully, sticking out her hand. Lester looks at it with thinly veiled disgust. Leek leans to the side and mumbles something into his ear, and he sighs, holding out his hand to shake Alex’s,

“I suppose that will work.”

#rae's writing #primeval #primeval fanfiction #primeval fic #primeval oc #rae's ocs #original character #alex hart #connor temple #nick cutter #captain ryan #stephen hart #abby maitland #james lester #oliver leek

4 notes · View notes

bluetimeombre · 1 month

Text

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐝𝐲𝐩𝐨𝐨L 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐖𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐢e

Deadpool and Wolverine but your lady pool and an absolute SLUT for Wolverine.

[this is a complete self insert with just everything I was thinking about during the movie and since then I’ve watched it three times. It gets better every time. Snippets of the movie, will probably do a part two. SPOILERS!]

part two

Warning/disclaimer: femreaderxwolverine, sexual content, sexual language, offensive language, just being a whore the man, cursing, repeat daddy issues, never proof-read.

After digging up Logan and expecting to find a shirtless and oiled-up Hugh Jackman, you were a little more than disappointed to find the bones and metal. 'Damn it! Shit! Fuck! They Les Mis'd him!'

Eventually, you settled down next to the remains, against the same log that had impaled him. 'That was weird,' you chuckled. 'I'm much calmer now. Look, I'm not a woman in stem but you seem incredibly dead to me. Oh, you sexy lump of bones and metal. I would have let you slide them into me any day.'

'But it's good to see you,' you pat his knee. 'I gotta be honest, I've always wanted to ride you, Logan. Oh, whoops, I meant with you. Ha! Who am I kidding, no I didn't. Just you and me, getting into it. And I mean into it. Every style. Doggy. Sixty-nine. On the kitchen counter to the bathroom. Till my back broke. Yea, we'd have been good together.' You ranted, fantasies flying across your mind too quick to focus on one.

With your red-gloved hand, you jerk the chin. 'G'day mate, there's nothing that'll bring me back to life faster than a big bag of Marvel cash. Ha- I hear you, Hugh. But no, no, no, no you had to go and get all noble and die for real. I could really use your help right now. And a massage. Your big manly hands just rubbing all over me-'

Just as you were about to go into further detail about what you want him to do to you, the sound of portals opening and heavy boots stomping closer alerted you.

Quickly, you pulled the skeleton down on top of you.

'There are two hundred and six bones in the body. Two hundred and seven if i'm watching Van Helsing.'

Que the fucking montage.

You have a mission. Find a Logan to take back with you. First up you end up in a bar, catching an axe as it was thrown at you. 'Logan! I'm gonna need you to come with me.'

The Logan sitting at the bar slowly turned to you. 'Who's asking? ' He slipped from the bar stool to reveal a 5'3 Logan.

You coo. 'Well, who's this little ankle biter. Did you stick the landing little guy? Yes you did, comic-accurate short king. Such a cute little Wolvie.'

The little guy started stalking toward you.

'Que the fucking montage.'

You found a Wolverine for the seventies, or eighties, something close enough to that, one hand missing. 'Oh yea, sexy, you have anchor being written all over you.'

You found patch Logan. 'Oh hello, Patch. Should've worn my white suit.'

You found another old man Logan, sitting solemnly on his front porch. 'Howdy! Oh, I see, you're the daddy issues one. Good to see god has answered my prayers. So soldier, do I need to be a bad girl so you put me over your knee, daddy?'

Another was tied to a cross with red bloody skulls acting as a floor.

One was dressed in a tight yellow and brown suit, walking through the woods. 'Hubba hubba. Classic! Now, you fought the Hulk in this suit, right?' as he snicked his claws out, the green of the beast reflected from behind you. 'I am Marvel Jesus you dull creature and I will not be-'

One, your favourite, was working on a bike in a tight white vest and dark pants. You drooled. 'That's the whole goddamn package right there. You know from behind you look a bit- holy Shit!' he turned, and everything about him was Wolverine. Except for the fact he was Henry fucking Cavil. 'The Cavalry has arrived. The prophecy has been fulfilled. Can I say, sir, sorry, daddy- on behalf of all of humanity, this just feels right! We will treat you so much better than those shit fucks down the street!'

He took the cigar from his mouth, stalking to you. You had never been so aroused in your life. 'You were just leaving'

Giggling and twirling your hair, you hold a hand out, ghosting over his chest. 'Can I just, one- one touch. Oh my god! You're like Superman or something.'

He punched you right into the Logan you needed. Thank you Cavil.

'You two gonna fuck or fight?' asked the bartender. 'Both if i'm lucky,' you said.'

'Oh look at those sexy little jammies, that only took twenty fucking years!'

The trash heap was the last place you wanted to end up, but when you woke to Logan looming over you, a snarl on his face, you sighed in relief.

'Well, hello sexiest man alive, 2008. Wanna give me a hand? Or head?'

He sniked his claws out.

'Kinky! That's new for Disney!'

He dug his claws into your ribs and dragged you up with them. 'Where the fuck are we?'

'I dunno, but it looks a bit mad maxxy to me. But that would be IP infringement right?'

'Fucking jokes,' Logan uttered. He threw you over his leg, your back breaking.

'Till my back breaks, Wolvie!' you yelled out, quickly rolling yourself back up and shaking it off. 'Look, I think we got off on the wrong foot. I'm a big fan. How about we strip off our suits, take a tumble in the sand, get to know one another you know. Personally, I'm more of a cowgirl fan but I'm willing to do whatever you want baby.'

'You're unbelievable,' he grumbled. It was still sexy. He turned his back to you.

'Oh, I see, is that what you did when your world went to shit!'

He paused, his head slowly turning to you. 'Say again, bub?'

'Oh, I am so horny right now.'

The two of you engaged in a fight, and not the sexy stradling fight that would happen later, but the guns firing, swords slashing kind of fight. that was only interrupted by a familiar voice.

The only other voice that could have you dropping your panties as quick as Wolverine. He was hooded, hidden, but you knew him from your sex dreams.

'Dear god almighty, it's him.'

'Who?' growled Logan.

'Don't be jealous baby, I have two holes for a reason. Don't worry gorgeous, you're gonna encounter some delicate language, a smidge of ass play but we've been prohibited from using cocaine, at least on page.'

He raised a hand. 'They're coming.'

'Who's they?'

The three of you watch cars and trucks drive through the waste, keeping you trapped. There were familiar faces, Pyro, Toad. And Sabertooth.

The mysterious figure jumped down and mastered the superhero landing that had you clapping your hands and jumping up and down.

'Oh my god! Oh my god!' you held onto Logan's shoulder as you jumped while he just glared at you.

'I've got this,' the man takes down his hood, showing the beautiful, hot, strong, handsome, hubba-hubba worthy, Chris Evans.

'Oh yes, you do sexiest man alive, 2022!' you cheer.

'Stay close,' Chris- or Steve- called back to you.

You stalk over to him. 'Aye aye, Captain.' you wrap your arms around his stomach, fingers trailing over his abs. He removes you and you groan, sulking. You walk back to Wolverine and jump onto the side of his hip.

Instinctively he holds your ass which makes you giddy before he realises his mistake and drops you.

'You're not gonna love what happens next,' shouted the captain.

Your jaw dropped from behind the mask. 'Holy shit, omg! No way, he's gonna say it! He's gonna say it!' you flick one of your swords that was still poking out of Wolverine's chest. 'Avengers-'

'Flame on!' Steve- no, Johnny- yelled and took to the skies in a ball of fire.

It was sort of stupid in hind sight as Pyro lifted a hand and extinguished him, causing him to fall from the skies and go crotch first into a billboard.

'No!' you screamed, rushing to him and rolling onto his back to get a look at him. 'No, no baby, stay with me. Let me take a look!' you tried to pull down his pants but Logan literally pulled you off him.

You were tied up with Wolverine on the front side of you and Johnny on the back. When you woke, you giggled. 'Woah, just like my dreams.'

Johnny woke to, lifting his head from your shoulder. 'How long was I out?'

You smirk under the mask, looking back to him. 'Not all of you was asleep, say Cap, is that a Glock in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

'Is that Chuck? Hey Chuck, over here! Hope it's you young, god, we got James Macovy in this?' you yelled as a wheelchair rolled out as you entered the thing that was apparently large Paul Rudd.

'Cassandra Nova. Charles's twin,' the villain introduced herself.

'Holy shit,' said Logan.

'How was anal birth?' you asked.

Cassandra smirked. 'You two are cute. I have a good feeling about this.'

'Right!' you cheered. 'Just wait till this ends, the smut is off the charts!'

She took the chain from around the two of you but you wrapped yourself around Logan's arm, he only grunted at you. He only pushed you off when you started to go off and off about what Johnny said about Cassandra. 'People think i'm a shit talker but this guy-' you chef's kiss. 'Next level!'

Cassandra, with a flick of her hand, shed the skin from him as he fell in a heap of bones and blood and skin,

You cried out, holding onto Logan for dear life. 'My favourite Chris!'

'You silly little bitch, you just got him fucking killed!' yelled Logan.

'Fine, spank me then! P.S. Do you know what he was doing to the budget!'

You were brought to Ultimatum with Cassadra, Oliath or the other British villain, but all you wanted was to save your world, bang Wolvy and go home.

'I didn't want it to come to this, either you help us or my boyfriend here is gonna perform the whole of Greatest Showman as a one-man show,' you warn.

'I'm not her boyfriend,' Logan grumbled.

Cassandra went on a trauma dump that had you groaning. 'Couldn't you just turn into accomplishment like the rest of us?'

But I'm not like the rest of you, except maybe the Wolverine, now we could be truly terrifying together.'

'Sorry lady, he's taken!'

'Not for long,' Cassandra smirked and as Logan attacked, she sent him in the ground and away from you. You only whined at his disappearance, a whine that turned into a groan when Cassandra's fingers entered you in the worst way possible. Through your head.

'What can I see here?' she asked. Cassandra gasped. 'Oh, you are a whore.'

Oh yes, she saw the million filthy things you wanted to do to Logan.

The two of you made it out and to the diner where Logan was intent on finding food and taking rubbing alcohol shots. When he sat across from you, chucking a tin of spam at you, you pulled of your mask.

Logan stilled, looking at you with finally something a little different than anger.

'What?' you asked.

'I thought you'd be ugly under there.'

'No- no, that's the Deadpool. I'm better, and a self-insert.'

The two of you took to walking through the rather nicer side of the waste. You had his hand in yours, swinging it happily like you were a couple before he threatened to chop your hand off.

'You said Logan was a hero, what happened?' he asked.

'You died. Technically you were chest fucked by a tree, but really you just ran out of batteries trying to save this girl- a kid really. Always wanted a man who's good with kids. The shit heels who grew her in a lab called her x-23, but she was just a kid. A smaller, cute and mean version of you. Yep, you saved her, very hero, very demure.'

The two of you were interrupted when a bark sounded over the hill and the BEST DOG EVER ran out to you, ears flapping in the wind, tongue out as it always was. The little boots. The collar. It was Dogpool.

You threw off your mask and picked her up, cuddling her close. 'She's coming with us.'

'No she's not!' he argued.

'Yes, she is!'

'No!'

You pulled out your puppy dog eyes and lifted the dog to your face and slowly the resolve in his face slipped.

'Sorry!' another man ran out, chasing after the dog.

'Fucking shit bag!' you cursed.

It was another dead pool, a good-looking one with long hair.

'What's Ryan Reynolds actually doing here, I thought I replaced him?' you said.

'In here everyone calls me Nicepool.'

'Can we have your dog?' you asked immediately.

He laughed. 'over my dead body!'

You nod, thinking about it but Logan holds out his arm before you can even move.

Whatever Nicepool was saying was you didn't care as you cooed and hugged the dog closer and Logan watched.

Fuck, he was paying attention to you.

'Why are you so nice?' you asked eventually.

'It costs nothing to be kind,' he said.

'Shutting the fuck up is also free,' said Logan.

You bite your lip in his direction. 'God I am so attracted to you right now. This is Logan, he's usually shirtless but he's let himself go since the divorce.'

Finally, the Nicepool took you to his ride to get you and Logan and the dog to the borderlands.

It was a honda fucking odyssey.

Logan wasn't willing to listen to your complaints. 'Get in the fucking car.'

'Make me, Daddy,' you said.

He took one step closer to you and you backed away with the dog. 'No, we're running away!'

Logan forced her from your arms and handed him back to the Nicepool.

'The corn was to dense girl!' you called after her, pouting.

Logan shoves you into the passenger seat while he takes the wheel.

You pull of your mask, hair falling around you like you were in an advert. 'So, what shall we do to pass the time...'

Honda Odyssey coming soon, that my friends, is called edging.

#deadpool and wolverine #deadpool #ladypool #dogpool #ryan reynolds #hugh jackman #wolverine #x men #logan howlett #logan howlett x you #logan howlett x reader #logan howlett x fem!reader #wolverine x you #wolverine x reader #chris evans #captain america

857 notes · View notes