#cause even though ive gotten better with taking care of myself i get so caught up with my ambitions that it bites me in the ass | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

agustdakasuga · 4 years

Text

Between The Bloodshed | Chapter 8

Genre: Mafia!AU, Angst, Romance, Fluff

Pairing: OT7 x Reader

Characters: Doctor!Reader, Gangster!Namjoon, Gangster!Seokjin, Gangster!Yoongi, Gangster!Hoseok, Gangster!Jimin, Gangster!Taehyung, Gangster!Jungkook

Summary: Being a freelance doctor, this was just supposed to be any other job, helping a private client and taking care of him through his recovery. But you were not expecting to get caught in something so much darker that would change your life entirely.

This is your first time. The first time you see your 7 employers in action, the first time you see them as who they say they are.

Warning: This story is fictional and has nothing to do with real life events or the actual members of BTS. It may contain depictions of violence, blood shed/ gore and mentions of abuse. Please read at your own discretion.

Chapter warning(s): Mentions of violence, blood and fighting.

Humming a soft tune, you tucked your hands into the pockets of your lab coat as you walked. It was another boring day with the boys being out and now, it was time to head to bed.You yawned and stretched your arms but was interrupted by a loud bang.

“DOCTOR!”

“(y/n)!” Shouts made you run down the stairs. You ran to the sealed off wing of the house, the ‘business’ wing as you would call it. There, you saw Namjoon carrying an unconscious Hoseok.

“Get me my emergency kit in the office.” You turned to a butler, making him run off. As Namjoon placed him down, you began to inspect his body.

“Blow to the back of his head. The rest seem superficial.” The butler placed your first aid kit down.

“Hobi? Can you hear me?” You clipped a blood pressure monitor to his finger and used your stethoscope to check him internally. The rest of the boys walked in, seemingly unharmed. Or at least, less gravely injured than Hoseok was.

“Is Hoseok hyung okay?” Jimin gave a small smile.

“Seems like a concussion.” You said. Jungkook came over to help you carrying Hoseok up to your office.

“Thanks.” You patted the maknae’s shoulder before he left. You hooked Hoseok’s up to an acetaminophen infusion with magnesium to help with pain since normal painkillers may cause him more internal bleeding. After that, you checked his head injury. Luckily, there wasn’t a need for stitches. You cleaned the blood off the wound and bandaged his head.

“You’re okay.” You whispered, patting his forearm as you cleaned the rest of his superficial wounds and bruises.

“I’ll be back, Hobi.” You took the rest of your things and went out to help the rest of the boys. Of course, you found them by the bar, having drinks. When you entered, everyone stared at you.

“He’s alive. Resting.” You said first before sitting down on a bar stool, laying out the wound cleaning equipment.

“Get in line.” You waved them over.

“We don’t-”

“Get. In. Line. Do I have to repeat myself?” You raised an eyebrow at Taehyung. He pursed his lips, looking away. One by one, the boys stepped up for you to clean their wounds.

“Hobi got hit the worst.” Jin said. You nodded, inspecting each of them. Luckily, there didn’t seem to be any internal injuries.

“You better not have any wounds for me to clean, Min Yoongi." You said, cleaning Jungkook’s knuckles.

“Don’t worry, I was playing games on the sofa.” Yoongi rolled his eyes, showing you his phone screen, where his current game was ongoing. Even if Yoongi didn’t have to wear his sling anymore, he was still on a ‘no beating up people’ work order by his doctor, you.

“Good.” You huffed.

“Is this enough action for you?” Namjoon chuckled.

“Yes, Namjoon. How kind of you to do this. The highlight of my otherwise, very boring day.” You rolled your eyes with a smile. You cleaned the cut over his eyebrow and placed the gauze down.

“Each of you take this.”

“What’s this??” Jin asked but still took one of the white pills from your plastic medicine cup. Everyone took one except for Yoongi.

“A little something so tomorrow won’t be a b*tch. It’ll also help all of you sleep better tonight.” You turned around to clear the bar counter of all the bloodied cotton.

“To be taken with water.” You said with a clear of your throat, still focusing on your things. There was the sound of glasses being placed down on the table before water was poured out from the pitcher. Trust them to try and take their medicine with alcohol. You threw all the rubbish away and placed all the leftovers in your pockets.

“Get to bed. Now. I’ll stay with Hobi tonight. Call me if you’re dying.” You ordered them and slid off the chair to stand. They watched you reach behind the counter and pour a glass of scotch whiskey.

“Since you didn’t take the pill. This shall help you sleep.” You placed the glass in Yoongi’s hand and walked back to your office.

“I’m back.” You announced, entering your office and checking on Hoseok.

*KNOCK KNOCK*

“How’s he?” Someone poked his head.

“I thought I made it clear that all of you were to head to bed?” You chuckled, tucking Hoseok in under the blanket and going to sit on your chair. The male by the door laughed.

“Would you let me stay up if I have hot cocoa?” He raised an eyebrow. You threw your head back in laughter, waving at him to come in. Just like the other night, he placed the tray down and handed you a mug before taking one for himself and sitting down.

“How are you? Too hectic?” He asked.

“Nah, it’s okay. Believe it or not, being forced to intern at the emergency ward of hospitals is a lot worse than this. No downtime at all.” You shrugged.

“I would imagine. We used to go to hospitals. But even the most private, exclusive ones ask too many questions. That’s why we decided to have a private doctor here instead.” He explained.

“What happened to Hobi?” You asked.

“A deal gone wrong. The people from our world don’t exactly know what patience is, especially the young ones.” He looked over at Hoseok.

“Immature.” You crossed your arms.

“Oh, you’ll be surprised at just how immature a lot of them can be. But I guess, that’s how gang wars start.” He smirked. You nodded your head. As adventurous as you were, being caught in a gang/ mafia war was not something you wanted to experience in the next few years of your life. You were perfectly fine with cleaning the cuts that they caused.

“I’m going to head to bed.” He stood up once the hot cocoas were done. You nodded, placing your empty mug on the tray.

“Goodnight.” You wished softly.

“Goodnight, (y/n). Thanks for letting me stay up past my bedtime.” He gave a soft smile as he opened the door. But before he left, he called out to you one more time, making you lift your head.

“Don’t... go to the other wing tomorrow, okay?” He turned his head slightly.

“Okay.” You nodded and with another small smile, he left your office. You sighed, sliding down in your chair.

It was about 5 am when Hoseok finally stirred awake. You were used to pulling all nighters from times at the hospital and with your previous clients that you weren’t even tired.

“W-Where am I?” He frowned slightly. You helped him sit up, pouring him a glass of water.

“You’re in my office. Firstly, can you tell me your name and date of birth? And then, tell me if you know who I am.” You asked softly. His eyebrows furrowed for a while.

“Jung Hoseok. Birthday is on 18th of February. You are Dr (y/n). The doctor that is working with our family and taking care of Yoongi hyung’s shoulder.” He said. You nodded your head in approval. Hoseok reached up to touch the thick bandage around his head.

“Do you know what happened? I only remember some guy knocking me out.” He asked.

“Well, I don’t know what happened exactly but Namjoon ran into the house with you in his arms. Then Jungkook brought you in here and you’ve been unconscious since. How’s the pain?” You asked.

“A dull ache.” He groaned.

“The concussion doesn’t seem too bad. But you should rest more, you can sleep here. Considering you can drink that water without wanting to throw up, I’ll remove your IV and give you some oral painkillers in a few hours.” You said, receiving the empty glass from him. Taking a pair of gloves and a bandaid out, you remove the IV needle from Hoseok’s arm.

“There.” You taped the bandaid over the puncture hole and got rid of your gloves, the needle and empty IV bag.

“How’s the rest?”

“All superficial injuries. You seemed to have gotten the brunt of the attack.” You said as you washed your hands. He nodded his head slowly, picking at the bandage around his forearm.

“Stop that.” You hit his hand and he recoiled with a pout.

“Mean.” He commented.

“Go to bed.” You sat back down by your desk.

“Aren’t you going to sleep?” He asked. You shrugged, typing on your computer. To refresh your knowledge, you would go through some old case files you had from time to time. Also, you felt that it was time to study up on proper treatment for bullet wounds and stabbing injuries.

“You should sleep.” Hoseok said.

“You should sleep.” You snorted, opening your notepad to scribble something down. Even with your constant typing, Hoseok was able to fall asleep rather quickly, letting out soft snores.

When Hoseok woke up, he saw that you fell asleep by your desk, your head bobbing up and down uncomfortably, hands still on your keyboard.

“I told you that you should sleep.” He chuckled with a shake of his head. Hoseok left the office.

“JK, come help me.” Hoseok called.

“Oh, hyung. You’re awake. What’s up?” The maknae immediately stood up. Hoseok brought him to the office and pointed at your sleeping figure. Jungkook realised what his brother was trying to do and nodded.

“She fell asleep taking care of me last night. I would carry her myself but I’m still a little dizzy. I don’t want to risk dropping her.” Hoseok whispered. Jungkook softly walked to you, slipping his arms under you and hoisting you up. You didn’t move but instead, snuggled into the warmth of Jungkook’s chest. He chuckled at your actions.

“You should go rest some more, hyung.” Jungkook walked upstairs. Hoseok let out a hum.

“I gotta go for the meeting though. Just bring her upstairs and tuck her in before she wakes up and kills both of us.” Hoseok sighed, patting the youngest on the shoulder and jogging off.

“Aish, hyung. She’ll kill you for working when you’re supposed to be resting. Jungkook shook his head and opened your room door.

“Hi, Kookie.” He whispered and placed you on the bed. You let out a small whine at the loss of warmth but was pacified by Jungkook draping your blanket over you. You cuddled your pillow, sleeping peacefully.

“Let’s go, Kookie.” Jungkook opened the cage. Casting your sleeping form one last glance, Jungkook walked out with your bunny in his arms, closing the door softly behind him. He went down to finish his breakfast on the couch, Kookie hopping around beside him.

“Here.” Jungkook experimentally held out an apple slice to Kookie. Kookie sniffed it with a wiggle of his nose before nibbling.

Your eyes opened and you reached a hand out to feel your pillow. That made you sit up. Looking around, you realised that you were in your room. You didn’t even remember when you fell asleep.

“Hoseok...” You slipped out of bed. Kookie’s cage was left open with the bunny missing. Stretching your arms, you went back to your office to find the bed empty. After that, you navigated through the house to find his bedroom.

“Hoseok? Are you in there?” You knocked on it for several minutes but there was no reply.

“Doctor.” A passing butler noticed you.

“Hey. I was looking for Hoseok. Do you know where he is?” You asked, tucking your hands into the pockets of your coat.

“The young masters are all attending a meeting in the other wing now. Young master Hoseok was seen with them. Young master Jungkook left Kookie in the living room with us.” He informed with a bow. You frowned, chewing your bottom lip. Hoseok knew he should be resting. Even if it was minor, he still suffered a concussion.

“But doc-”

“Thanks.” You gave a backwards wave, already on your way to the other wing. When you entered the foyer, it was eerily quiet. You were going to walk around when you heard a loud bang.

“No, stop!” You heard screams.

“You already know the consequences of causing a ruckus. Now we have your sh*t to clean.” Jin’s voice was clearly heard.

“V?” You heard Namjoon now. Jungkook came out, dragging two people across the floor by the back of their collars. The two grunted and struggled. And following close behind them was Taehyung, with a metal bat resting on his shoulder. He chuckled.

“Brace yourself.” He smirked.

“Wait! We were only asked to do it, we’re not involved in this!” One of the men struggled in Jungkook’s grip.

“You three were already involved the moment you accepted the money.” Jimin giggled, throwing another male to the ground. Yoongi just stood at the side, stoic, with his arms crossed.

“Now, you get to watch your men suffer because of your selfishness.” Namjoon said to the first guy. He nodded at Taehyung, who stepped up.

“No!” Taehyung swung the bat, beating down on the male. Everything suddenly went silent. There was a ringing in your ears and all you could see was the metal constantly swinging up and down. The smell of blood filled the air, making a lump form in your throat and you stomach bubble uncomfortably. It wasn’t stopping soon.

“Me too.” Jimin smirked, stabbing the male he threw down earlier. He stood over the thrashing stranger, the knife constantly being brought down on his chest.

“See? That was all you.” Jin raised an eyebrow.

“Here.” Yoongi tossed Hoseok a gun. Hoseok stepped forward, his confidence giving a facade that you couldn’t even tell he was injured the night before.

“Bye~” Hoseok waved before pressing the barrel of the gun right between his eyebrows. There was a sickening bang, as blood splattered out of the back of the dead man’s head.

“That’s enough, Tae.” Namjoon called out. At that, Taehyung stopped, stepping away from the male, who was at this point, unrecognisable. He stopped up straight, the bloodied bat in his hand. He used his sleeve to wipe the blood that managed to splatter on his cheek. That was when he met eyes with you.

“D-D...” His eyes widened. The others were puzzled at what he was stunned by. They looked up and saw you.

“(y/n).” That’s when your legs were finally working again. You took off, running away. You threw the doors opened and ran as fast as you could, not caring that your lungs burned.

“(y/n)! Wait!” You heard them calling out to you. Finally, you reached your room. You made a beeline for your bathroom.

“Oh, gosh.” You bent over your toilet, hurling out your stomach’s contents.

“Ugh.” You slumped back against the wall. Turning your head, you saw Yoongi standing there. The first thing you could grab was the scalpel in your lab coat pocket.

“Don’t. Yoongi. Don’t come closer. I need to be alone.” You held out the blade in a threatening manner. But Yoongi didn’t seem phased at all by your threat or weapon. He grabbed your wrist, taking the blade and throwing it behind him. He suddenly tugged you forward into his embrace. Yoongi felt you tremble in his arms like a leaf.

“Y-Your shoulder.” Was all you could say to distract yourself.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you.” He whispered. That caused the dam to break. Sobs softly bubbled in your throat as you cried into his good shoulder.

“You’re okay. Breathe.” He coaxed. Honestly, Yoongi wasn’t the best at comforting people. Well, at least, that was what he believed. He was chosen to come in because he was the only one not covered in blood.

“Come on.” Yoongi helped you out of the bathroom and onto your bed.

“I’ll be okay. Just give me some time.” You placed a hand on your chest to breathe. Yoongi patiently sat with you.

Meanwhile...

Namjoon sighed. This was too much drama in one day, alone. Changing into a new shirt, he dumped his bloodied clothes in a pile. When he stepped out of his bathroom, he saw Taehyung standing there. His hair was wet, fresh from the shower. But his eyes were red.

“Taehyung ah.” Namjoon called out softly.

“I’m just like him.” Taehyung’s voice cracked as his bottom lip trembled.

“No, you’re not, Tae. Stop saying that about yourself.” Namjoon said, sitting down on his bed. He patted the space beside him and Taehyung came closer. Ever since you came, Taehyung hadn’t sought Namjoon out in a while.

“The fear she had... in her eyes. That was the fear noona had...” Taehyung mumbled.

“I told all of you. It’ll take some time for her to get used to all this. Just give her some time. The doctor is strong, she can do it. That, I give her credit for.” Namjoon said, patting Taehyung’s head. Taehyung left Namjoon’s room. He stopped outside your door, where he heard you talking to Yoongi. He had to make sure you weren’t afraid of him.

“Taehyung.” Jimin stood in the hallway, leaning against the wall.

“I want to speak to her.” Taehyung frowned.

“Are you going to tell her?”

“I... I can’t.” Just like that, Taehyung’s resolve crumbled. On the outside, Taehyung looked tougher than Jimin. But on the inside, Taehyung still wished he was like Jimin. Jimin no longer showed an ounce of guilt.

“Yoongi hyung is still talking to her. She’s not going to come out for a while. Why don’t you go help clean up?” Jimin suggested.

“Okay.” Taehyung turned and left your door. He headed to the other wing, the butlers had cleared the bodies already, leaving the maids to clean the floor of blood.

“Young master Taehyung.” They greeted. All he did was pick up his bat.

“Make sure it’s spotless.” He said and left. Going into the bathroom, Taehyung scrubbed the metal. After that, he washed the blood off his hands and under his nails. He constantly scrubbed them until the skin was raw. Even the blisters you treated the day before reopened.

When you calmed down, you stepped out into the garden to sit under the gazebo for some fresh air, you heard footsteps approaching you. You turned around to face the person.

“I thought I told you not to go to the other wing today.” The male said with a raised eyebrow.

“I forgot. I was just so worried about Hoseok working when he was injured, it didn’t even cross my mind.” You sighed. He took a seat opposite you.

“And look at what happened now.”

“I’ll be okay, not like I’m hurt or anything. It was just the initial shock.” You shrugged. And yet, the flashbacks of Taehyung beating the man and Jimin stabbing the other made you cringe.

“We all took a while to get over it too, at first. It’ll get easier as time passes.” He comforted.

Ko-fi link

Series Masterlist

Tag list (Bolded users could not be tagged!)

@veronawrites @diamonddia-mond @georgie-me-myself-i @saveme-imfine @openup-yourmind @purelyecstacy @nlost21 @yiyi4657 @kimmieloveswho @i-like-puppy-mg @cait-with-luv @s-tae-rrynight @supertweetycherry @carolinexkpop @unatempesta-dipensieri @telepathylftv @taradevonne @top-crop @ifellinluvwithdorks @lovvliies @bt21chim @kpopiskpopyunho @egm09 @designjet @lasagnaisjustspaghetticake @3musez @bangtansleftnut @deeepvibes @barbikatherine @xxminilah @missmxqn @kimahnjung98 @jbunnys-world @itspwi @gold--gucciempress @rainbow-zebra-unicorns @sinceritythatcouldntbedelivered @holaaaf @aconfusedidentity @samararose21 @shondlenoodle @singhsahara @scuzmunkie @mellownatureanimalsdreamer @fenderbenderr @uraveragefangirlsposts @jikook-enthusiasts @wendyiiwl @amyniu @bipolargal @vivpurple7 @mintvender @xcharlottemikaelsonx @enchantingbrowneyedgirl @imyourapocalypse @yeotlny @queenofthe-bitches @rosesolitaire @nello-rie @thatonepotatogurl @beach-bitch-bitch-beach @blauuu-adl

832 notes · View notes

goblinmanifesto · 3 years

Text

Ive already accidentally deleted this once so fucking kill me (I forgot to save it).

⚠️TW FOR ANXIETY, TOURETTES, SLIGHT SELF HARM⚠️

But this is my post for @doinmybesthere Mental Health Awareness May collab! I will be doing Bokuto Koutarou. To explain a bit, to cope with bullshit that is life, I accidentally made myself a coping mechanism that I loving refer to as the ‘Klaus Hargreeves‘ (if you know anything about that character, you already know where my mental state is) because I can’t remember what my therapist said the actual name for it was. To put it simply, it’s like overactive day dreaming. I act out and create scenarios in my head to comfort myself, most of the time using characters or real people as an enabler for the comfort I wish to gain. Side effects being; if caught, considered crazy, sometimes don’t realize I’m doing it which can lead to awkward situations, sometimes I fuck up what’s real and what’s not. So, in these little stories, I will be retelling scenarios I have created through this coping mechanism that relate to both Bokuto and my mental problems! Each will be labeled with what they deal with so you can skip the one that might trigger you. Enjoy and happy reading! (I WILL ALSO BE MENTIONING AND USING STIMMING) ((I will probably use this to make other fics like this in the future mentioning my other ~stuff~ but in the meantime this is all I want to do so enjoy!))

⚠️LAST TW⚠️

1. ~Anxiety, Self harm, Mentions of Stimming~ He should’ve been home an hour ago! I was pacing in the living room, shaking hands holding my phone. It was 7:13 and Koutarou was supposed to be home at 6:00. I was spiraling and I could feel it, but I didn't know what to do about it. Id sent him text after text, but he was yet to respond. I glanced at my cell, only stopping my frantic shuffling to focus my attention on reading the screen;

Hey, is practice running late? [6:11] When do you think you’ll be home? [6:15] Are you there? [6:19] Koutarou??????? [6:23] Kou pick up your damn phone! [6:27] Did something happen???!! [6:34] Is everything okay?! [6:39] Are you mad or something??? [6:47] Bokuto Koutarou I’m dead serious where are you?!?!?! [6:53] Bo-ku-to!!!! [6:59] Koutarou it’s been hour please text me [7:07] Koutarou!!! [7:12] -Unread-

My eyes scanned the messages again, not leaving the blue screen until until my shin collided with the side of the coffee table. I hadn’t even realized I had started pacing again. I checked the texts I had sent to Akaashi as well, since I knew he was at that practice too, but I hadn’t gotten any responses from him either. Slipping my phone screen up onto the table I continued my pacing, not even processing when my finger nails found their way under my teeth, and how when they left my mouth to scratch at my neck or claw at my shirt, my teeth resorted to gnawing at my lip instead, tearing up the thin skin. All habits I was trying to kill but didn’t have enough brain power to focus on not doing them. My eyes constantly searched the driveway for the headlights of any car, any car at all, but they always came up with nothing. It was 7:24 when my phone struck with the sound of text, the bing of anticipation sent me diving for, and consequently almost dropping, my phone in an attempt to find out if it was Koutarou. It was!

-Read-

Im so sorry!! Yes practice did end up running late! But something else happened and I

wasn’t able to text you! I’m not mad about

anything I promise!! What happened is also

minor and nothing to worry about and I’ll explain when I get home in about ten

[7:21] minutes!! I’m so sorry!! -Read-

I sighed, relieved, the weight on my chest and in my head dissolved and I felt like I could finally breathe again. Though, as I came down from my anxiety rush, I became aware of a lot of things all at once. The first was a good deal of pain. From knocking my leg into a table and pacing for over an hour, to bitten lips and nails, and my scraped neck. I groaned, I need to get a better handle on this.

But that wasnt important. Koutarou was okay and on his way home! I waited at the window, feeling a bit like a dog waiting on its owner (that was a kink joke yes), and leaped to the front door when I saw his car in the driveway. Throwing open the door, I pulled him inside the second I could get my hands on him and pulled him through the doorway. The moment he was inside, I shoved myself into his arms in a tight hug, so glad he was okay. He returned the hug and held me tightly, I let out a shuddering breathe and he let out comforting sounds I sometimes use to stim. “Hey, hey, hey, I’m so sorry to have you worry, it was about Akaashi! We were running extra practice with a handful of the other guys and I literally had half a text to you written out when he a spike to the face! I was the only one left with a car so I drove him to hospital! I’m so sorry you are so worried you sent like 15 texts! I’m so-“ I cut him short with a hand over his mouth since that was one of the only ways to get him to stop talking. “Kou, it’s okay, I understand, it just really scared me ‘is all-“ he pried my hand off his face but held it in his own.

”I know, but that doesn’t mean I can’t apologize for it, whether I was in complete control of the situation or not! Which I was not, by the way, no control what-so-fucking-ever, I had four other guys in the car and one of them was bleeding and concussed, it was chaos!!” His eyes were wide and he went off on the stress of the situation and, for a moment, I forgot that it was 7:26 at night on a Thursday and I had a biology test in the morning, and that Koutarou just got home and I hadn’t even eaten yet and all the other things that werent right in the world. Everything was fine in that moment. But that ended when Koutarou took a good hard look at me. The redness and scratch marks on my neck, the bitten to bleeding finger nails, the small bruise forming on my shin, my blotchy face and my probably-way-too-red lips. He stopped dead in his words and I felt my eyebrows scrunch up.

“Whats wrong?-“

“You did the things again didn’t you?!” He sounded distressed and his broad shoulders sunk. Koutarous hands rubbed my shoulders as he stared into my eyes with the most concerned look I’d ever seen. He pulled me back to his chest again and promised it wouldn’t happen again.

7:46, Koutarou insisted on taking care of my ‘injuries’ since he was who I was having anxiety over anyway. I protested a little, but gave up when he gave me the baby-owl eyes.

First, he had wrapped bandaids on my fingers. Thankfully, they were black, and I made a comment on it was like a 2-second manicure just to hear him chuckle.

Then, Kou applied a moisturizer to my neck. “Kou, I can do this myself-“

”Nope! I insist!”

”I’m not a child-“

”Don’t care, I’m doing it so just shush up and let me do what I need to do!”

Next, he made me apply ice to my bruise even though it was tiny and caused by a damn two-foot-tall coffee table.

Lastly, he gave me chapstick. Again, wouldn’t let me do it myself, so I made several sarcastic remarks to make him blush, all working quite well. Koutarou had to tell me to stop giggling multiple times so I could stay still.

”Alright, are you done playing nurse?”

”Forgive me for wanting to take care of you!!” He stuck his tongue out at me with an audible “bleh!” and I cackled.

”You are forgiven, Nurse Bokuto.”

2. ~Tourette’s, Stimming~ My neck painfully popped when it jerked to the left, my tics had been bad all day and I no clue why. Could be exams, or the fucking toaster for all I knew. I hissed, rubbing at my neck and adjusting the water can I almost dropped, trying to continue about my Saturday.

It was obnoxious, really, having to me-proof everything around in case I end up kicking it, dropping it, or hitting it. My joints constantly cracking and snapping and jolting in the strangest ways at any given moment. Sometimes repeating what people say back at them in perfect mirror-like fashion. Though that last one can be kind of funny.

Clicking my toungue to make nice noises to try and stim the tic away, I returned back to my plants. I could feel them chuckling at me and, in that moment, I understood everything about Crowley from ‘Good Omens’.

I heard the door unlock in the other room and I put my can down as a precaution and peeked out of the doorway.

A moment later, Koutarou popped through the door after his morning jog. He called out; “Hey, hey, hey!” as a greeting.

I felt my hands go up behind my head and I thought Oh gods dammit, and then my jaw jutted forward in a very unattractive way and I repeated his phrase in the same manner as him, then immediately dropped, as my body decreed.

I groaned, looking up at him, who looked slightly bewildered at my little madness ritual. His hair laid flat on his head, he had chosen not to mess with it this morning, much to my delight, his amber eyes a little wide and his eyebrows raised. He was barely even in the house yet.

We just kind of stared at each other for a hot second before I awkwardly waved ‘hello’ and cracked a weird grin. He grinned back, his more pleasant than mine. Walking over, he opened his arms for a hug, and I accepted, since he wasn’t all that sweaty this time around, and it was the least I could do since he had to witness that.

Koutarou planted a kiss on the top of my head, cheering “Good morning!”

I muttered a response into his shirt.

“One of those days, huh?” I nodded.

“Coffee? I think we have muffins in the cabinet?” I nodded again and he lead me into the kitchen to set up some breakfast. It was 9:00 am on a Saturday after all. A weird Saturday, but watching Koutarou finagle through the cabinets, it couldn’t be that bad.

That is all for now! Have a wonderful day and I am going to sleep for three years see y’all (edited: June 18 2021, because I can’t spell)

10 notes · View notes

divine-noire · 5 years

Text

Mononucleosis Awareness Post

So I caught Mono participating in Hot Girl Summer™ (jk jk lmao) but I did get Mono, and this shit is not a fucking joke. If you feel like you might have it, please go to the doctor. Over the past 4 weeks, I have been going through literal medical hell from complications. I’m gonna list the symptoms I’ve had and if you feel like you might have it, go get looked at. I thought Mono was something only horny ass teens got in high school playing spin the bottle, I’m 26 (27 next month) and was NOT expecting this shit at all.

Fatigue

My first symptom that something was wrong was fatigue. This is not normal, everyday fatigue. This is actually waking up and feeling like the world is ending when you take your first step, fatigue. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. While driving, I put my emergency break on at red lights because I was afraid I would fall asleep while at the standstill. At work, if there were no calls, my head was down (luckily, my boss is only here twice a week so I could get away with this). At home, I was in bed by 6PM and when you do sleep, it’s immediate. There is no gradual lulling off to sleep. It’s face-meet-pillow-meet-morning-alarm type of sleep. But I was still tired no matter how much I slept so I started using No Doze to counteract the effects. At first, it was fine, but even then, I still had the underlying fatigue. It got so bad, I drove over a friend’s house in Greenbelt, MD which is about an hour and a half away with rush hour traffic, using every bit of energy I had in my body to get to her, because she said she would take care of me, which she did. But by the time I pulled up to her house, I basically almost fell out of the driver side door when she opened it for me. That is not an exaggeration, that is the level of exhaustion I felt from just driving that far without sleeping. We thought I had the flu or something flu-like, so she gave me fluids and alot of Day & NightQuil. It made the symptoms lessen, but it never made them go away.

Sore Throat

At the beginning, my throat merely felt scratchy. This lasted for about 3 days, before I knew it, my voice was gone and my throat was in so much pain I gave up talking. The pain is not akin to Strep Throat, if you’ve had that before. It is actually worse. My throat was swollen as a symptom of the virus, but it graduated into its own infection of severe Tonsillitis. It was so severe that I actually began having trouble swallowing from the amount of swelling that it caused. I had to receive a steroid injection in my butt to counteract the swelling and start methylprednisone (which wasn’t strong enough and I had to go back for regular prednisone 20mg). I couldn’t eat anything without pain, so I stuck to drinking a lot of fluids and ice water. Ice water became my guardian angel because my throat was in a constant state of burning pain. I also grew exodus on the back of my throat, past my tonsils, as a result of the infection in my throat, and had to gargle salt water like crazy everyday to get them out. The exodus hurts, it is hard and feels like cement on the back of your throat and it makes the Tonsillitis 10x worse than it already is. I didn’t have a voice at all for 12 days, I had to use a dry erase board for all interactions (it’s quicker than typing on my phone.)

Nausea

Now my case may be different because the doctors keep telling me my nausea shouldn’t have gone on as long as it did and that I need to go see a Gastroenterologist ASAP but that’s a different story for a different post. Nausea was my worst and most persistent symptom to date. The kind of nausea you may feel will be persistent. I woke up nauseous to the point of my mouth salivating as though I were about to vomit everyday for about 2-2.5 weeks. This never settled. There was never a time my mouth was not salivating, I had to begin keeping paper cups at my desk to spit the residual saliva into throughout the day because it never subsided. One day, I had a salad for lunch from Panera even though I wasn’t hungry, I knew I should try to eat something. (By this time, my throat had made some progress and I could swallow some whole things.) I immediately regretted that decision when I lay in bed at midnight holding my stomach like the world was ending. I was so nauseous that I couldn’t get myself together enough to even get out of bed. The thing that makes the nausea symptom so bad (for me) is that it never made be actually vomit, it just created the sensation of needing to. Eventually, I broke down and stuck a straw down my throat just to alleviate the symptom a bit and threw up the salad, and it didn’t even look like it’d been digested properly. That made the nausea go away for the night, and after that I gave up eating anything solid hoping that would prevent any future nausea, spoiler alert: I was wrong. My salivating mouth picked up right where it left off, it was as though all I went through the night before didn’t even matter. My stomach was empty and still nauseated. That night, the nausea was so bad that I just knew something was off and I drove myself to the ER (Note: I drive myself to the ER that is less than 10-minutes away all the time to save money on an ambulance, if you feel you are not safe to drive, dial 911, it is better to just pay the ambulance than cause an accident and make your situation worse than it already is.). When I got there, I was beyond exhausted, nauseous, dizzy, I just felt like I was dying. The doctor brought me back, took my vitals, asked the usual questions. I told him about the nausea, the Mono diagnosis, he said he wanted me to get a temporary room while he ran some tests. I got a room and a nurse came in and gave me a shot of Zofran for the nausea that did absolutely nothing. It was so bad that when he came back in, I asked for Ipecac or a straw to induce vomiting again. Alarmed, he said they wanted to avoid me vomiting and gave me an additional shot of Zofran. That helped that time, but I still just felt overall terrible. The doctor came in later and told me my potassium levels were extremely low, explaining the extreme fatigue and dizziness, that my liver was swollen from the Mono, and that the nausea was alarming and he would be admitting me for treatment. I was shocked that this virus had done such a number on me. My throat had even worsened and was now even more swollen and painful than it was before (I hadn’t gotten the 20mg prednisone script yet.). I spent 2 days with an IV in my arm, eating mushy foods and sleeping in the hospital. I had to take off work because I was in no shape to even drive there, let alone get anything done. After the 2 days went by, I actually felt back to my normal self! I was so fucking happy to exist and not feel like dying after weeks of wanting to that I went home and started cleaning my room. I had let it get atrocious from not feeling well or feeling like doing anything besides sleeping. Shortly after I began, the fatigue kicked in, the only symptom to never leave, and I sat my ass down and watched Rick & Morty with Sebastia and went to sleep instead, which was probably the safer bet. Fast forward 8 nausea-free days, and guess what’s back??? It’s tolerable now, but still an extreme nuisance. I get my Zofran prescription and it does didly fucking squat to alleviate the nausea. I call the Urgent Care that diagnosed me and ask if there’s anything stronger for nausea and they tell me all the stronger shit will have me bedbound and loopy. Bills gotta get paid so we can’t have that. So that night, in a moment of nauseous desperation, I took double the dosage of the Zofran to alleviate the discomfort. Now, I understand I shouldn’t have done this, but I was DESPERATE and afterward, I felt great. It was the first time the medicine had done wtf the doctors said it would do and the way it was supposed to: quick, fast and in a motherfucking sprint. So I stupidly called the Urgent Care to ask them about the nausea medicine again (I have such a good relationship with this UC for some reason, probably because I hate my primary.) and told them what I’d done the night before and that I was now out of nausea meds and needed a refill before it came back, which was all true. Jessica, the nurse I always saw, was alarmed and spoke to the doctor on duty there, and told them about what I did. Then they cut me off and said to go ask my Primary for the refill because I’ve been utilizing them way too much (long story short). But she also said that I shouldn’t need that much Zofran and something else is going on and I need to be seen by a Gastro. That $40 co-pay appointment is still pending. Andddd I’ve been nausea-free for about a week now, but as I type this, my mouth just began salivating so it looks like I’m gonna be dealing with that again soon. Fuck.

Dizziness

My dizziness didn’t come full force until about 4 days ago (Week 4). I was out at a shopping center getting groceries and while I was parking at a nearby Dunkin Donuts, the world legit started slanting. I felt like I’d been drugged all of a sudden. My skin felt cold and clammy, everything felt out of focus and I immediately needed to lie down. Luckily, it came right after I’d put my car in park and had the opportunity to put my seat back and do so. I waited about 10 minutes maybe, and then I felt ok enough to get out and go get some food because I thought I was just hungry because I hadn’t eaten yet. Even standing in line and waiting for the food afterward was difficult. I had to sit down or else I’d fall down. I got back in my car and ate and laid down again, went back to the store to get eggs I forgot to grab before, and on the walk back to my car almost walked into another parked car. Of course, people saw and probably thought I was drunk or something. I was embarrassed but didn’t have the motor skills energy to explain the situation of feeling like I was in 2 bodies at once. This symptom has come and gone as it pleases, but luckily after a good 2-hour nap that day when I got home, I felt alot better.

Poor Appetite

While battling this virus, I have lost 10 pounds and still counting in the past 4 weeks. While it’s great to fit into clothes I was once too thick to get past my thighs, it is not the way I wanted to lose the weight. In the beginning, I always felt full no matter what, which made me not want to eat, combined with the nausea, it made eating something I just wasn’t in the mood to ever do. This went on for weeks, which caused the weight loss. I learned later that my swollen liver pressing against my stomach is what caused the sensation of fullness, hence, not ever feeling like I should eat. Now, my appetite has returned, and I’ve been eating nothing but starchy, fatty nonsense my diet never would’ve allowed before I got sick. And even with all the newfound calories I’ve been non-stop digesting (seriously guys, pizza 5 days straight, bread bowls, bacon egg and cheese croissants, cheesecake, donuts...) I’m still shedding pounds. My Gold’s Gym Membership is gathering dust because I can’t go workout with my body still always in fatigue-mode and it’s probably just not kosher to do with this kind of virus. My mom said I should celebrate for now until it becomes a cause for concern later, but I think I should probably be concerned now since the earlier you find something out the better health-wise. I lowkey did some research and think I might have Hepatitis-C from the virus, which is curable, but sucks all the same if I’m right. I inherited my mother’s extremely poor immune system, so I really wouldn’t be surprised. I’ll post before and after photos of my weight loss separately, don’t want Tumblr turning me into the Face of Mono™ because of this post.

Swollen Lymph Nodes

This was one of the lesser symptoms that went away by week 2-2.5. They are definitely sensitive and noticeable. I found that icing them alleviated a lot of the discomfort and made it tolerable, but overall, these were the least of my worries.

If you experience any of these symptoms or think you may have Mono, definitely get yourself checked out. They can do a rapid test at any Urgent Care or ER and let you know during your visit if you have it. This shit is not a joke. I’m still dealing with the symptoms right now and have no inclination of when they will be gone. The literature says anywhere from a few weeks to a year, I’m praying for the initial option but I have no way of knowing for sure. I say all this to say, pay attention to and know your body, guys. You only get one.

#black health #black girls #black women #mono #mononucleosis #sick #viral infection #black tumblr #black women health #flu season #long post

241 notes · View notes

allthingsfangirl101 · 5 years

Text

Secrets Chapter 27: Confession

Masterlist

Stiles's POV

I walked into my father's room, softly closing the door behind me. "Hey," he said as I walked in. He saw the look on my face and gestured for me to come in.

Tears filled my eyes as I walked over to him, burying my face in his chest. I silently sobbed as he soothingly rubbed circles on my back.

Once I had calmed down a little, I pulled the chair over and sat down. "How's Bailey?" My dad asked after a few minutes of us sitting in silence.

"We aren't sure," I said softly. "The knife was electronically charged which means she isn't healing like she should be. But, at the same time, she is healing. We aren't sure what's going to happen."

"Stiles," my father started, but I cut him off.

"Derek and Scott can't even take away her pain. Derek told us that if there were other jinns around, they would be able to help her but. . ."

"But she's the only one," my dad said, finishing my thought. The only thing that could be heard was the constant beeping of the heart monitor my dad was hooked up to.

"Stiles," my dad said, breaking the silence. I looked up at him, unable to hide the tears. "Bailey is going to be okay. She's a tough girl."

"But what happens after?" I asked, my voice breaking. "We barely got her here this time, but what about the next? Or the time after that? And the time after that?"

My dad tried to interrupt me, but I quickly felt my anxiety building. "When we were little, I promised Bailey that I would take care of her. Well, I haven't. I didn't do anything when her father continually abused her. I didn't do anything when Derek bit her. I didn't help her learn how to use her powers. I didn't protect her from the hunter. I didn't stop her from facing the pack of alphas. And now, I can't even help her get better."

"Stiles," my dad said, grabbing my hand. "None of what has happened to Bailey is your fault. You didn't know about Derek just like how you didn't know about her dad. Even though you didn't stop her from being kidnapped or from going after the alphas, you were there to help her. You were there for her when she needed you."

"But I. . ." I started.

"But nothing," my dad said, shaking his head. "You have always taken care of Bailey to the best of your abilities. She wouldn't blame you for whats happened and neither should you. You are a good person, Stiles. You are exactly the young man your mother and I always wanted you to be."

Even though I knew he was right, I couldn't stop feeling guilty. Not because of it being my fault, but because I wasn't truly there for her. After everything that has happened, Bailey thinks I hate her. She thinks I'm angry with her because she didn't tell us the truth. To be honest, I was. Until I watched her turn herself in to protect my dad.

"I just hope she wakes up soon," I whispered as I slowly looked up from my hands.

"She will," my dad said. "And when she does, you are going to tell her the truth."

"The truth?"

"About how you feel," my dad said with a knowing smile.

* * * * *

Bailey has been in a coma for almost a week now and I haven't slept. Every time I tried to sleep, I would see nothing but the alpha stabbing her and her falling to the ground, almost lifeless.

It's gotten to the point where the nurses on Bailey's floor recognize me. They never say anything to me. They just send me sad smiles as they continue to care for the patients. Melissa was the only one who ever told me how Bailey was doing. Each time, she tried to sound optimistic, but as the days dragged on, I could tell she was having just as hard of a time as we all were.

Derek never left the hospital. He constantly sat outside Bailey's room, almost like he was guarding her. Scott said he thought I looked like shit until he saw Derek.

The second the elevator doors opened, I saw Derek sitting in the same chair he's been sitting in since Bailey was first brought into the hospital. He looked up as I walked down the hallway towards him.

"How is she?" I asked like I ask every day.

"Slowly improving," he shrugged. He then added under his breath, "Like always."

I debated for a second whether or not to sit outside with Derek or walk into Bailey's room and sit next to her bed.

"You might as well go in," he said. "She's still sleeping."

I didn't say anything as I slowly opened the door. I froze in the doorway when I looked over at Bailey, still sleeping peacefully in the bed. I looked over my shoulder to see Derek watching me. He looked past me at Bailey with a sad expression on his face. I was about to close the door but stopped.

"You were right," I said, clearing my throat. "Everything that has happened in Bailey's life led her to being a jinn. If you hadn't taken her in and trained her, she. . . I would've lost my best friend."

He glanced back at Bailey before standing up and facing me. "Something tells me you wouldn't have just lost a best friend." He sent me a knowing look before turning on his heel and heading towards the cafeteria.

"Damn werewolves and their stupid ability to hear heartbeats," I muttered as I walked into Bailey's room and shut the door behind me.

"Hey, Bails," I said softly as I walked into her room and sat in the chair next to her bed. I looked her over, my guilt building as I saw how pale she was.

I gently reached forward and took her hand in my, careful not to accidentally touch the IV. Tears immediately filled my eyes as the image of the alpha stabbing her played over and over in my mind.

"I'm so sorry, Bailey," I said, my voice cracking. "I know you probably don't blame me, but I do. I was so angry at you for keeping it a secret. I honestly don't know why I was, but I shouldn't have been. If you could just wake up, I promise. . . I promise I will never leave you again. I'll sit down and listen to everything. I'll ask questions. I'll help in any way I can. I'll even listen to the stories of how Derek trained you. I can't say I won't get mad at him, but it's a start right?" I scanned her face as I let out a small laugh.

"Just. . . Please wake up, Bailey. I need you. I know you did all of this so I wouldn't lose my dad, but what if I lose you? Who's going to take care of me then?"

Suddenly, my dad's words from a few weeks ago re-entered my mind. "To be honest, your mom and I always thought you two would make a good couple. You're mom used to say that she was 90% sure you would end up marrying Bailey Harrison."

I looked at her and was overcome with this strong feeling. It took me a second to realize it was love. I scooted my chair closer as I used my free hand to gently move the hair out of her face. My hand cupped her cheek, my thumb rubbing it softly.

"I promise I am going to be right here when you wake up. I'm not going anywhere. Ever." I leaned down and pressed a small kiss to her forehead. "And when you do wake up," I whispered, leaning my forehead against hers, "I'm going to finally tell you how much you mean to me."

I sat back in my chair, my hand still holding hers. Soon, I felt myself slowly falling asleep. Just as my eyes were about to close, I felt Bailey's hand that I was holding move slightly. I jumped up, now fully awake, and watched her. I waited, paying close attention to every little feature. I gasped when I felt Bailey's grip on my hand tighten before it loosened up again.

"Bailey?" I said, gently. "Come on, Bails. Wake up."

I waited eagerly as Bailey's eyes slowly fluttered open. I sucked in a breath as she turned towards me.

"Stiles?" Her voice came out soft and raspy.

"I'm here," I said as I sat forward. I reached up and put my free hand on her forehead, slowly running my fingers through her hair.

She tried to sit up, but I gently helped her lay back down. "Take it easy there, sparky," I said making her smile. "You're still healing."

We just stared at each other, neither one of us saying a word. I should probably get Melissa, but I was too focused on being relieved that Bailey was awake to think straight.

I cleared my throat before asking, "Do you remember what happened?"

She thought about it for a minute before sighing. "Yes," she said slowly. "At least I think so. Your dad and Scott's mom were taken by the pack of alphas. . . Are they okay?" Her eyes widened as she started to panic and tried to sit up again.

"They're fine, Bails," I said as I helped her lie back down. "Both of them. What else do you remember?"

"We. . . We were fighting them and the leader came at me. . . He tried. . . He. . ." Her eyes widened as realization flashed across her face. She slowly looked down at her stomach as she whispered, "He stabbed me. The blade was electronically charged. Even as it was in me, I could feel the electricity sucking at my magic. I can still remember the hum. . ."

I reached over and cupped her cheek in my hand, lifting her head up. My heart sank as I saw the tears streaming down her cheeks. "You're okay," I whispered, catching a tear with my thumb. "It took you some time, but you eventually healed."

"Time?" She asked softly, tilting her head to the side. "How long?"

"About a week," I said as I slowly dropped my hand from her face. I saw fear in her eyes, causing me to scoot my chair closer.

"I'm so happy you're awake," I said softly. "I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't. If I lost you. . ."

"But you didn't," she said gently when I didn't finish my thought. I looked up at her, looking into her eyes as I tried to gather as much courage as I could.

While my right hand still held her left, I reached up with my left and cupped her cheek again. I took a deep breath before leaning in and slightly pulling her to me. My breath got caught in my throat as I felt her lips touch mine. Our lips instantly started moving in sync. The kiss was slow but so much was behind it.

We pulled apart and pressed our foreheads together to catch our breaths, my hand slowly leaving her cheek. Once my breathing had gone back to normal, I pulled away and looked into her eyes.

"Bailey," I said, my voice getting caught in my throat. "I have to tell you something."

She looked at me, waiting for me to continue. The small smile and the way she was looking at me gave me the courage I needed to get out the next few words.

"I love you."

The silence that followed my confession made me feel uneasy. I saw a brief second of surprise flash across her face before she smiled. She reached up and cupped my cheek in her hand.

"I love you too, Stiles."

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers. I smiled as our lips started moving in sync. "I'm so sorry," I said pulling away, looking down. I took her hand in both of mine as tears threatened to fall.

"What do you mean?" She asked gently. I looked up at her to see her sending me a soft smile.

"I was so angry at you for not telling me what was going on. I shouldn't have. . . Everything I said and did, I am so sorry. You needed me and I left. When you were hurt at Derek's apartment, I was so angry. I shouldn't have left. I don't know why I did. I just. . . I felt like it was all my fault. Like if I had known, I could've stopped it."

"Stiles," she said cutting me off. She grabbed my chin and pressed her lips to mine. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of her lips moving against mine.

"Come here," she pulled away and whispered as she patted the bed. She scooted over making room for me as I stood up. I laid down next to her, instantly pulling her into my chest.

"I don't blame you," she said softly. I started subconsciously rubbing her back and running my fingers through her hair. This feeling, having her close to me, I never want to get rid of it.

"Promise me something," I said looking down at her.

"Anything," she smiled.

"Promise that from now on, no more secrets. From either one of us. I want to be there for you through everything and in order to do that, I need to fully understand what you are and what you can do."

I smiled as she let out a small laugh. "Then you, mister, have a lot of catching up to do."

#dylan o'brien #dylan o'brien fanfic #stiles stilinski #stiles stilinski fanfic

11 notes · View notes

swellwriting · 5 years

Text

Familiar

Fandom: Marvel MCU

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: a smidge of violence, but it’s mostly fluff! No endgame spoilers here, this is a trip down memory lane because this takes place in my version of the tower era, aka the good old days yee haw.

Request: No request but this is my submission for @whirlybirbs nostalgia challenge, my prompt was “Please don't cry.”

Word Count: 4k

A/n: She's a long one because I'm dramatic and also don't know how to shut up, thank you.

Familiar, not in a particularly good or bad way, just familiar was the word to describe how you felt about Bucky Barnes, or how you used to know him by, The Winter Soldier.

You were a creation of Hydra, not for nearly as long as Bucky was, but he had turned from just a creation to their own soldier, their weapon. You hadn’t had the chance yet before everything happened with the Avengers. Before they broke into the lab you were being held in and Captain America ripped off your restraints and The Black Widow gently pulled the IV from your arm that was keeping you sedated.

That's how you got here, to the Avengers tower. It's how you specifically got to Tony’s lab, practically nose to nose with him as you argued.

“It's unfair! I’m just as equipped as Bucky is and you’re sending him on the mission! We have been here just as long.”

“You aren’t ready!” Tony barked back, an angry and stern look on his face before he walked away from you.

“I'm not ready? I'm a copy of him! If I'm not ready than he isn't either.”

“You're a copy that's never been put to test, you've never been on a mission. You may be just like him but he has years of experience, you have none."

You huffed crossing your arms, he was right. You had never gotten a chance to do a mission for Hydra, which you were thankful for, but it meant that you weren’t seen as being as skilled as The Winter Soldier.

He had done years worths of missions, while you had been locked in the lab, forced to watch as they would debrief him, take his restraints off and let him gear up and leave. Then you would sit in your glass cell, across from his and watch as they brought him back, sometimes uninjured, sometimes not. You would watch as he would bite that rubber mouth guard down with a frown as they wiped his brain again. This was familiar to you, it wasn't to Bucky.

Every time he had seen you back then was like the first time for him. You never spoke to him, you weren't allowed to go near him, but he was still familiar to you.

In a way that was worse than others, he reminded you of Hydra, of being held there against your will, of being experimented on. Every time you saw him do something, whether it was sparring with Steve in the training room, or killing someone in an old resurfaced Hydra video, you were reminded that everything he was, was also inside you.

Steve watched on sympathetically and silently. He knew how much you hated being left behind on missions, not that you didn't love being here any other time. When the tower is empty and everyone is gone on a mission except for you it's the most lonely feeling, you feel like something must be wrong with you.

“What is so bad about staying here, where it's safe, where your only responsibility is to relax? You’re lucky to not have to go on a mission yet.” Tony continued to argue.

“Lucky? I'm lucky to be left behind? I'm lucky to have to sit here alone, feeling like some sort of burden or like I'm not good enough. You call me an Avenger, you gave me the title, you welcomed me to live here and you saved my life but how on earth am I an Avenger if I never leave this building?”

“You will be when you are ready!”

“How can I ever be ready if you never let me go on a real mission! What's so dangerous about this mission that I can’t go. I'm stronger than you think! At least let me know what's going on.” You pleaded, growing hopeless with this one-sided argument,

“Fine. Steve, debrief her, I have a meeting I should show up to at some point.”

Steve fiddled with his hands and avoided looking at you, so you sat across from him at the table and waited. He watched Tony leave the lab and walk down the hall before he let out a deep breath and then looked up to meet your eyes before looking back down. “We are raiding a Hydra base-”

“Like the one I was held at?” You interrupted but Steve didn’t mind he just nodded to your question.

“But it’s a kill mission, it’s not like yours where we were specifically going in to rescue you, we have confirmation that any assets that we could have saved have been...terminated. Now it’s just a sweep, kill and intel mission.”

“That should be easy! Just killing, it’s what I'm made to do.” You felt your excitement grow as you imagined what the mission would be like, how it would be fulfilling killing people like the ones who stole your old life from you.

“But they never altered your mind, they made you a perfect killing machine but they never took your mind from you, they hadn't altered your brain at all according to Bruce's tests.”

“Well, they never got the chance thankfully.”

“We are worried that even though you are programmed and capable of killing, that you won’t be ready when the time comes,” Steve said and you could tell he didn't want to be the one telling you all this but you were glad it was him, he was always honest about things.

“You’re worried I’ll panic when it comes time to pull the trigger and get myself killed? I know how to kill, just because I haven't done it yet doesn't mean I won’t be able to, I'm ready to.”

“You think that now but when you’re face to face with someone who’s pleading for their life, it’s not easy,” Steve explained trying his best to be level with you. “Some of us are also worried that going back there, back to a lab exactly like the one you and Bucky were held in, might be hard to handle, it’s a tough first mission for you.”

“I can handle it, Steve. I'm ready I promise.”

“Okay, I’ll tell Tony that I think you’re ready but I don't know if he will agree.”

“Thank you,” you said with a smile that he only half returned, he was worried, he always worries too much.

“Better strap in little one.” Thor teased as he gestured to the seatbelt straps you hadn't buckled up yet.

“I was just about to. Besides I’m not a little one, I may be the youngest but only by like two years.”

“Compared to me? You are a little one, you all are.” Thor said with a chuckle as he toyed with the strap on his hammer.

“Sorry, we aren't all gods.” Clint joked as he grabbed his arrows and sat beside you.

Nat was on your other side and Steve and Bucky were sat directly across from you. As you sat there, joking and having light conversations with the team you would notice Bucky looking at you from time to time, whenever you would look at him he'd look away, it was strange.

You would think that you and Bucky became close once you were brought into the Avengers, similar background and such, but he was quiet and reserved, he spent most of his free time with Steve or Sam and kept to himself other than that.

Bucky was one of the two who didn't think you were ready for this mission, he wanted to protect you from Hydra after what they'd done to you, both of you.

Although you were technically capable of doing anything Bucky could, you needed a lot more training.

Bucky watched as you nervously fiddled with your seat belt, as you laughed at Clints dumb jokes, as you cleaned and loaded your gun and slid your small knives into their place at the side of your thighs and he couldn't stop starring until you would catch him.

You watched him back, when he wasn't looking you would watch him as he stared at the wall behind Clint's head, as he loaded his guns and put his knives where he needed them, as he pushed his long hair out of his face and behind his ears before he would look over at you.

When Tony stood up, talking over the exact plan once more you looked up at him, paying close attention, Bucky stared at you. He watched you intently listen until Tony called out the pairings, naming you and Bucky to work together, then you both stared at each other, equally unprepared for that information.

When you landed and exited the jet your back was to Natasha as you looked around seeing if it was safe, you made your way to the base doors. Tony broke the way in and you all split up into your smaller teams.

“Come this way,” Bucky ordered and you followed him, your gun was drawn finger on the trigger waiting for anyone to make themselves known.

You and Bucky were set to go to one of the labs, it was empty but you and Bucky checked around anyways.

He tossed you the drive and you caught it with one hand, keeping your gun in the other. “Here, you load the drive.”

You just nodded as you plugged it in and began typing away, Bruce was at the main computer and he spoke to you through your own channel on the headset telling you the passwords as he figured them out. Bucky watched as your fingers typed fast, as you listened to Bruce with no questions or problems. You both looked down the hall as you heard gunshots, you stopped typing and Bruce asked through your headset if that was near you.

“It's coming from down the hall.” You answered and Bucky raised his gun, peering down the hall carefully, the gunshots were coming past the corner and he couldn't see who was the cause of them.

“Could use some help here!” Clint shouted into his headpiece and Bucky looked over at you, and then around the empty room.

“I'm going to go help him, stay here and finish receiving the data.”

“Be careful,” you said making him smile slightly as he cocked his gun and spoke into his headpiece.

“On my way Clint.”

“How long till your upload is done Y/n?” Bruce asked through the headset.

“456 files to go, so 67% done but it's going slower, must be larger files. You're the lucky one who has to go through these right?”

“What? You don't want to help with that part too?” He joked and you laughed but before you could give a witty answer your mouth was covered with a hand as someone pulled you back, your headset pulled from your ear and thrown onto the floor with a thud.

“Y/n?” Bruce asked but he got no response.

You elbowed the person attacking you and pushed them away but they pulled you down onto the ground with them, knocking your gun from your hands.

You reached for your knives but the person pulled them away throwing them across the room and then holding one to your throat.

“Y/n!” Bruce yelled and you didn't respond again, he heard faint noises of struggle but nothing else so he turned back onto the main channel with the rest of the team.

“Y/n isn't answering me, I don't know what happened.”

“Where's Bucky?” Tony asked sounding annoyed and worried.

“Running down the hallway back to the lab they were in,” Clint answered as he watched Bucky do just that, leaving Clint and Natasha to hold the fight in the hallway.

Before Bucky could make it down the hall, you grabbed at the knife, cutting your palms. You reached for your gun but it was too far and before you could try anything else the man stood up, pulling you with him, he elbowed the keypad opening the lab cell door and pushed you inside before closing it and locking it.

You threw yourself against the door and slowly realized that this cell was familiar.

Familiar in a very bad way.

You stopped for a minute as you looked around the cell, it was exactly like the one you were held in, you looked across from it and there was one there too, exactly like Bucky’s but it was empty.

Your heart came up in your throat, you felt like you would be sick. This was all too much, being locked in here again.

You screamed and pounded on the door as the man who attacked you started doing something on the computer.

You screamed and screamed as the panic set in, the blood from your hands smeared against the thick glass and your knuckles became bloodied from your relentless pounding.

Bruce could hear the faint noise of typing and your screaming muffled in the background.

“Any updates on Y/n?” Tony asked as Bruce turned back into the main channel.

“I hear, typing, “ he paused, worry filling his voice, “and Y/n screaming but it's muffled, I think it's her but I'm not sure.”

“Where is bucky!” Tony yelled and Clint and Natasha rushed, following the long hallway Bucky had just run down.

Bucky didn't bother updating Tony, he didn't have the time, he had to get to you.

“Me and Clint are following where he ran, he went the direction of the lab Y/n and him were in. We will be there in two minutes.”

“Two minutes is too slow!” Tony yelled. Steve and Thor where busy clearing out the other side of the large Hydra building.

Bucky rushed into the room, he shot the man in the head without a thought and then noticed you in the cell, screaming to be let out, screaming so loud he could hear it through the thick glass. He stood panicked in front of your cell, standing right in front of where he would have been at the old lab you were in.

It was weird seeing him there, it was familiar, you had been in this position so many times before, not that he remembered that.

Tears streamed down your face as you banged on the door.

“Stepback!” He yelled but you were too busy, consumed by your panic that you didn't hear him.

“Bucky, please Bucky! Get me out of here please.” You cried but you were blocking the glass he needed to break, he turned to the control panel and smashed it with his metal fist making the door open, you fell to the floor where the door used to be and just lied there, placing your bloody pams on the ground and bringing your knees to your chest.

Bucky kneeled down, grabbed your palms and then he grabbed your shoulders making you look up at him. You had a large frown across your face as tears streamed down your cheeks, harder than before.

“Please don't cry,” he said softly unsure of what to even do in this situation.

You responded with no words but a mere whimper as you just cried more, unable to control yourself.

“I can barely handle my own emotions, I have no idea what to do with yours,” he said softly again, not trying to complain but making it clear that this was not his area of expertise.

He pulled you against his chest wrapping his arms around you and holding you.

Your body was so tired and limp that when Natasha and Clint ran into the lab they thought he was cradling your dead body.

“Is she?” Clint whispered to Natasha as they stood there in shock.

You wrapped your arms around Bucky's neck as you calmed down, he whispered things to you, things that maybe he would want to hear too in your situation, it came naturally.

“It's okay, you are safe, I'm so sorry I left you here and didn't check hard enough, we can leave soon, we can go back home, I promise.” He repeated soft things like that, reassuring things. “You're safe, I'm sorry,” Over and over again as Nat and Clint went over to the body of the man who attacked you, they kicked him aside and finished uploading the files to the drive.

“Y/n is here, she's safe, she's with Bucky. Clint and I will finish uploading this drive and then we will meet back at the Quinjet in five.” Nat filled in the rest of the team on your groups status.

Bruce sighed in relief as the others finished up and made their way to the Quinjet.

“Do you need help, I can carry you?” Bucky offered but you shook your head, already feeling so foolish, so stupid for letting this happen.

"And embarrass myself even more? No thank you.”

“You shouldn't be embarrassed,” Bucky tried to assure you.

“This was my first mission and I messed it up.” You complained as Bucky helped you stand then you wiped the tears from your face smudging blood across it in the process.

“Messed it up? You got attacked, that's what happens on missions if this was any other place, a place that wasn't traumatic for you then maybe you would have handled it better, but you still did well. We got the information we needed and they are all dead. Let's get back to the jet so they can burn it to the ground?”

You offered him a weak yet thankful smile. “Burn it? Sounds wonderful.”

As the Quinjet flew away you watched out a window, elbows propped up on the tiny sill, resting your head against your bloody palms as you watched the large Hydra base be engulfed in flames, burning it to the ground.

“You okay?” Steve asked quietly but the whole team was staring at you waiting for your reply.

“Yeah, it feels good to watch it burn. I never got to see the lab I was held at being burned but this feels just as good.”

“You never got to see it because you were too busy unconsciously drooling on my lap.” Natasha teased as she sat down beside you, putting her hands out so you would give her your palms to bandage.

You smiled at her, you felt better already, it was only minutes ago that you felt scared and alone being locked in that cell, just like you had been for years. But you were safe now, surrounded by your friends who loved you and cared about you, who would never hurt you.

The fear, the pain and the flashbacks were all subsided on the ride home, then during dinner and debriefing. But it wasn't until you were alone in your room that you felt the walls close in around you.

You stood in the middle of the large room, it was luxuriously large, it had big windows and a balcony, you walked over to the window and pressed your bandaged hands against the glass as you looked out.

It made your mind go back to earlier. To being trapped in that cell again, banging on the glass doors. You quickly opened the balcony door and the windows to let the air in and then started pacing nervously around.

Freedom is overwhelming, the ability to have whatever you want, to go wherever and do whatever was too much, so you spent most of your time in this room.

A knock sounded at the door and you stopped pacing, looking at where the sound came from, thinking of who it could be before you walked over and opened it revealing a startled looking Bucky.

“Hey, Bucky, what's up?” You asked casually.

“I just wanted to, I'm here cause, I don't know why I'm here,” he studdered over his words.

“Did you want to come in?” You asked, thinking that he maybe wanted to talk in private.

He just nodded as he walked in, looking around your room and admiring it, you closed the door and then walked over to the balcony, he followed and you both sat in comfy seats, the wind was calm and refreshing on your skin, the noise of the city below was a welcomed background buzz.

“There's a lot of reasons I came here I guess and it's like my brain is trying to spit them all out at once,” he admitted as he anxiously carded his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath.

“Well, start with the first, then the next. I'm in no hurry.” You said with a reassuring smile.

“I'm sorry,” he said and then paused, looking down at his hands and then back up at you, “what happened today was my fault and I wanted to say sorry and make sure you're okay. I know how hard it is to go back in those labs but to be locked in that cell again, exactly like the one you used to be in, I can't imagine how scary that would have been.”

You gulped, preparing yourself to talk about this without bursting into tears. “Thank you, for checking on me, thank you for getting me out of there, it wasn't your fault that happened in the first place. Being in that cell again was terrifying, and then seeing you on the other side of it brought back so many memories of my time spent there, things you don't even remember.”

“I remember,” he admitted and you froze. “I didn't at first until I saw you, then the memories came back in little bits very slowly but after seeing you in that cell again, I remember everything. I'm sorry I sort of avoided you before, I was just worried about what I would remember, not to say they are good memories but just seeing your face is calming sort of, it's familiar. Not in the way Steve is, but not in a bad way either, just different.”

“I know exactly what you mean.” You agreed.

He was standing now, leaning against the balcony and looking down on the city, you stood up and leaned on the balcony ledge right beside him, elbows and arms touching.

“I much prefer seeing you out here, free.” He spoke quietly, staring at the sky and then turning to look at you, your hair blowing in the breeze, skin soft and clean from your shower, comfortable clothes on and no glass door, blocking him from you.

“I much prefer not seeing you tortured and brainwashed.” You offered back after a few minutes of silence, a smile on your lips.

“I'd like to see you more, get to know you better.” He asked as he grabbed your hand, intertwining it with his so gently as if he was weaving a piece of lace between his fingers. He pulled you gently so you were still leaning your sides on the balcony but now you were facing each other, growing closer by the second until you were pressed to him.

“Me too.” You admitted, smile wide as you continued, turning the more serious tone to a much more playful one, “we can bond over our shared trauma and similar scientific modifications.”

He brought his hand to your cheek and stroked it gently. “I forget sometimes that you're like a copy of me, the original is always better of course.”

“Well, I don't have any of the sick upgrades you do, like a metal arm.”

“Trust me you don't want it.” He said timidly as he moved his metal arm out of sight and placed the cold hand on your waist, squeezing you lightly.

“I like it on you though.” You said as you pulled his hand back up and kissed the tips of his fingers gingerly. He looked small at this moment, his cheeks blushed and he seemed not so much like the hardened soldier he so often presented himself as, but like the soft boy from Brooklyn with a big heart and doe eyes. You could get used to seeing him this way.

138 notes · View notes

expressandadmirable · 5 years

Text

Tomorrow Untrodden (Morgan)

“Hey.”

Morgan offered a wan half-smile. “Hey.”

Pulling the Lefein into a soft hug, Aviva was struck by the memory of hugging Morgan the Gnome. Back then she had been half the Tiefling’s size rather than half a head taller. “Is he gone?”

“Yeah.” The pair released one another and settled onto a bench in the hallway, the soft, misty light from the windows at either end making the world seem preternaturally quiet. “He was happy to see us. He told us a couple times.”

Aviva considered making a joke about how impossible it had always been to unravel Lukahn’s ramblings, even for someone as adept at prophecy as Elerian or Cid, but she thought better of it. Morgan had always had a gift for deciphering her spiritual kin. “You came to see him often, huh?”

Morgan nodded. “Uncle Cid and I made regular trips. We built a lot of card houses, and we told him how the world was changing. I came up with a lot of ways to play games differently, like extra rules and variations and stuff, and he really liked that.” She smiled. “Maergrahn trained me well, I guess.”

“Was he able to leave you with any parting thoughts?”

“A few. Mostly he told us he was happy. And he asked me to build an extra large card house in his honour.”

“Sounds like an appropriate cairn.”

Morgan snorted, then let it fade into a sigh. “Uncle and I are the last of the Lefein now.”

Aviva nodded slightly. “How are you feeling?” The eternal question.

“I don’t know.”

“That’s okay.” For a brief time, Aviva had known what it felt like to be the last of her kind. But they had been able to restore the Tieflings. The Lefein did not share that destiny. She took Morgan’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You want to come back to Aelfheim for a bit? Spare room’s yours whenever you want it.”

“Uncle and I need to take care of a few things first. We’re going to scatter Lukahn’s remains in places of significance to the Lefein. It shouldn’t take too long, with the Highwind. But then yes. I’d like that.” Morgan smiled a little more broadly. “I think Starman is pining for Demon.”

Aviva chuckled. “I know Demon’s pining for Starman, she regularly tears up the toy you gave her that looks like him and then cries at me until I mend it. Please let our cats reunite before she drives us mad.”

Morgan giggled. “Okay. I’ll come by once I’ve dropped Uncle back at his lab. Maybe a week or so.” For a few moments, she lapsed into silence, then laced her fingers with Aviva’s. “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course.” Aviva kissed the Lefein’s cheek. “You’re family.”

II.

Leaving Halei in their sitting room, Aviva grinned in anticipation, the air turning translucent gold as she cast her spell. A moment later, the bridge of the Highwind shimmered into view. “Cidney!” she called. “I’m here early, and I brought treats from Aelf--”

“‘Viva, get down!!”

Instinctively, Aviva ducked, just in time to see a bolt of energy streak through where her head had been. Turning in a crouch, she realised the ship was listing precipitously to one side, the internal gravity only thing keeping her from tumbling into the window. “Cid?!”

Another bolt of energy struck the floor near her knee. A mote of flame instinctively forming in her palm, she spun to face her attacker and nearly collided with Morgan coming for her at a sprint. “Cid, what in all the hells?!”

“Behind my chair!”

The pair dove beyond the captain’s chair just as the hulking metal humanoid at the other end of the bridge fired again. Calculating the distance of its prey, the living tech lumbered towards them. “Making friends?!”

Morgan flashed her a lighting quick withering look, then raised both guns and fired, hitting the tech square in the chest. “Lefeinish creation. Prototype servitor. In near perfect working condition, and I’d like to try and keep it that way--” She ducked to avoid a retaliatory blast. “So don’t hit it in the head!”

With a curt nod, Aviva let loose handful after handful of searing flame, dutifully aiming for the torso. Morgan reloaded her guns with practiced efficiency and separated the tech’s joints from its body, causing it to topple forward onto the deck. In perfect unison, each woman took one final shot, and with a frustrated whir, the tech stilled.

Silence crept across the bridge. Morgan stood cautiously, stepping out from behind her chair and nudging the tech with her boot. It did not move. Confidence instantly restored, she crouched by its head. “Well, that didn’t go how I expected.”

“And how, exactly, did you expect that to go?” Aviva straightened, then leaned against the chair.

“How was I supposed to know it had defence protocols?” Morgan replied testily, rapping on the tech’s head. “Just means I have to run more diagnostics before I turn him on again.” Sensing Aviva opening her mouth to retort, Morgan waved a hand. “It’ll be fine.” Every inch the mad scientist. She pushed to her feet, straightened her hair, then turned to Aviva with a wide, delighted smile.

“You said you had treats?”

III.

“It’s time.”

Halei set up from her place on the sofa, instantly alert. “Are you sure?”

Aviva glared at her wife, then doubled over as a contraction shot through her, leaning against the dining table for support. “Yes,” she forced through gritted teeth, “it is most definitely time.”

“Right.” Appearing at Aviva’s side, Halei helped her into the bedroom and over to the bed. “Mei and your mother are in the garden; I’ll fetch them first, then Elerian. You breathe. What else do you need?”

“Infinite willpower. And water.” Aviva winced in pain as Halei turned on her heel, then an irritated chirp drew her attention to the corner of the room. From a nest of old fabric, the amber eyes of Demon of the Abyssal Reach stared back at her. “You too?”

“Hmm?” Halei returned from the kitchen, pressing a mug of water into Aviva’s hands. “Me?”

“No, Demon.” Aviva nodded to the ball of black fur. “I think she and I are on the same timeline.”

Halei’s eyes widened. “Seriously? That’s far too many babies for one set of quarters.”

“I’ll say.” Aviva sipped her water. “Well, I promised I’d tell Cidney when either Demon’s clock went off, or mine, so…” Flicking her fingers in the familiar gestures of Sending, she announced into the air in front of her: “I’m going into labour -- and so, I think, is my cat??” She took another drink of water as she listened to the response, then promptly spat it out in a burst of manic laughter.

“What?” Halei pressed. “What did she say?”

Aviva looked up at her, her breathing laboured and her eyes watering, though whether due to joy or contractions was unclear. “‘What did Elerian do to your cat?’”

IV.

“This might be the best augment you’ve made.”

Morgan grinned, sliding into the steaming bathwater and letting out a happy sigh. “There we go. Worth it. I wasn’t using this space as a cabin anyway.”

“No?” Aviva laughed. “I guess your garden variety servitors don’t use beds.”

“These aren’t garden variety servitors,” Morgan replied haughtily. “They’re salvaged Lefeinish tech, updated with my own personal designs. They don’t make them like this in Scanderimus, no matter how good they are down there.”

Aviva humphed in acknowledgement. Morgan had spent years collecting and restoring these specimens and they ran the Highwind like clockwork -- in some cases literally, given her clock-making background. It did, however, mean that the majority of Morgan’s interactions with living people came in the form of shopping for supplies or visiting Aviva and her family. “Have you made one from scratch yet?”

“Not yet.” Morgan slouched further into the water, creating tiny ripples that lapped against Aviva’s chest. “I think I’m gonna try soon, though. I have enough small pieces to build most of the chassis, and I think I could synthesise the rest. I can do all the internal programming. After that it’s just a matter of designing the right exterior. If I’m gonna make it entirely by myself, I want it to be really special.”

“Like you?”

That caught Morgan off-guard. “I… I don’t know. I don’t think I would make it look like me, but less metallic would be interesting.” She paused. “It won’t be like me. I mean, it won’t have a spark. I was an anomaly.”

Aviva watched her, head tilted in thought. “Anomalies can happen more than once.”

Morgan slid up to her nose in the water, her white hair piled atop her head like a captive cloud, and she thought for a few long moments before coming up for air. “They can. I guess it could happen.”

“Would you like that? Is that something you would want?”

“Hadn’t thought about it.” Spying Aviva’s raised eyebrow, Morgan glowered. “Okay, I’ve thought about it. I’ve wondered if there were ways for me to do it on purpose, but I don’t think there are. It’s just random. So I haven’t gotten my hopes up.” She met the Tiefling’s gaze. “But I think I would like that, if it happened.”

Aviva smiled. “I could see that being… really nice.” She grinned. “Parenting without the childbirth.”

“What, no!” Morgan squealed, water splashing as she sat up. “I wouldn’t be its parent! Maybe its teacher, or its caretaker. But I wouldn’t be giving it life, I’d just be building a vessel.”

“Mmm. Maybe.” Aviva leaned back, resting her head on the lip of the bath. “I may be relatively new at it, but that sounds an awful lot like parenting to me.”

“Maybe.” Morgan watched the ripples on the surface of the bath. “Maybe.”

“Cid,” Aviva slurred, rolling her head to look lopsidedly at the Lefein at her side. “Ciiiiiiidney.”

“Mmmwhat,” Morgan responded, blinking the Tiefling into focus.

Aviva grinned brightly, if sloppily. “I’m real glad you’re here.”

Morgan reached for her bottle of wine, nearly knocking it over in the process. “I’m glad I’m here too. You know I’ll always come visit.”

“I know, but I mean, like… here.” Aviva gestured broadly with her own wine bottle. “In the world. In my life. I’m real glad you’re here.”

Spreading her arms wide, Morgan pulled Aviva into a hug, nearly tipping them both over in the process. “Me too.”

(Art by @stufflaalikes)

#Dungeons and Dragons #Original Characters #Canon #Aviva Lux #Epilogue #Title: The Flashbulb #Aasimar

3 notes · View notes

feel199x · 6 years

Text

gang!au, gang member!han jisung, florist!reader, underground band!au

chapters: I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X masterlist

warnings: angst and themes of abuse and trauma

🌸 a/n: i actually finished this fic, and it’ll be up in my queue to post over the weekend! it’s kind of exciting to be finally finishing this fic! a hint for the next chapter is at the end!! hehe

🌸 song rec: arsonist’s lullaby

Your eyelids were still heavy when you awoke. In front of you, though your eyes still blurry you made out a flower vase. You tried to move, suddenly desperate to feel the petals against your fingertips. Even though they were azaleas, petunias, globe amarths, carrot flowers, and asphodels- all dressed in a void black vase. You knew what it meant, you knew what it threatened. But you found your arms sore, propped up and irritated from the handcuffs that hung from the ceiling. As you looked down, your head getting too heavy for your neck to support, you found yourself surrounded eglantines, lemon and peach blossoms, lungworts, phlox, and red rose petals. You couldn’t help but let out a choked sob, your wrists burning, the metal digging into your skin. You arms stayed propped up, but the numb feeling began to spread through your body. You didn’t even look up as he came in, even as he made sure to slam the door shut.

“You know why you’re in here?” You didn’t answer, your voice all used up from crying. You could feel his fingers on your jaw, propping your face up so you could look straight up at him. You couldn’t make his face out completely, your vision blurred but not fading. There were already bruises there you knew, and he pressed down on them further. “Do you? I try so hard to control myself, and here you are, still acting up.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you? I should just leave you here, let you learn your lesson.”

His thumb rested against your chin, looking at you intently- what could almost be mistaken as sympathy. It was deja vu, sitting there like a doll. “But I can’t resist you, can I?” No, you guess he couldn’t. That was the funny thing, right? He couldn’t expect to, how could he resist these primal urges? He talked and talked about nothing, and you were glad that you couldn’t pay attention to his words anyway, mind foggy and complacent. “I even brought you flowers. You didn’t have these in your shop, huh? So I got them. I’m a good husband.”

“Husband?”

“Good thing you’re pretty.” He got up, reaching over you and pulled something off your, well, ring finger. “See that? That cost more than your stupid shop.”

Stupid shop.

He slipped it back on, sitting back down next to you as he continued to talk.

“How long,” you paused, voice weak and raspy, quiet, “has it been?”

He seemed surprised by your question, eyebrows digging into his forehead in sudden anger. He got up and paced around the cramped room, not even bothering to watch him as you stared down at your own clothes- crinkled and dirty. “Why do you care?” he seethed, “I could treat you better than he ever could. A low-level drug dealer and a shitty, amateur rapper. Do you see lover boy here? No, you don’t. ‘Cause he’s dead.”

You let out a small gasp, tears brimming at the corners of your eyes and you looked at him. “What did you do?” you weeped, “Please- please, please tell me what you did.” His pacing came to a stop as he looked at you, face contorted with anger. “I got my co-workers to shoot him and friends dead, that’s what I did. Because you’re mine. Always and forever.”

You didn’t know what was true and what wasn’t- he couldn’t exactly be trusted. You grew impulsive, angry with him. Jisung would never, Jisung could never. He wasn’t that type of person- he could never take advantage of people, he could never keep something like that from of you. And here your captor was, smothering ash over Jisung’s name. But you knew he wasn’t lying about shooting Jisung and his friends, even if you didn’t want to believe it. He had tried the same thing with your family back then too. You felt guilty, at fault like you were the one behind the trigger. Anger bubbled like sparkling in your throat like bubbling water, steaming with impulsivity.

“You should kill me too then. I’d rather rot in the ground next to Jisung than spend another second looking at you.”

You knew your goal should’ve been to play the long game, especially after your failed attempt some time ago. How long has it been? You weren’t sure, there weren’t any windows in the room- and the white painted walls burned into your eyes. If you made him angry now, it would only take longer to gain his trust, but the damage was already done- you could feel the blood pouring out of the back of your head. You might’ve been dying, but you didn’t really care. You couldn’t even feel the pain from the hit from the adrenaline, so you continued to push your luck. Because it was true, Jisung had kept you going, your shop had kept you going. How would you ever be able to look another flower without seeing his face?

“He loved me better than you ever did and he didn’t even ask me to be his lover yet. Lover boy is better than you even dream about.”

It wasn’t like you to speak out of your turn, especially with the looming threat of death. You were too far gone, the warmth of blood streaming down your back. The bruises on your jaw from your grip deepening in color as his grip tightened, yelling some nonsense.

Still, even as he looked into your eyes, his breath hot on you- all you could think about was Jisung. How could you not? Your mind swam through melancholy memories.

You were in his arms tonight. His arms drooped over your shoulder, his head pressed against yours- lips brushing against your jaw as he whispered commentary about the movie you were watching. You were leaning against his chest, feeling his heart beat against your back. Knees propped up as his legs circled around you.

“I love you,” he murmured, “probably more than like, shrek.”

“I would hope so, shrek doesn’t feed you,” you paused, “But I love you too.”

And it was true, but you were unsure of the extent of your infatuation and devotion he was refering to. You wanted to say you were in love with him, but it was too much of a risk. If you scared him off now, who would come by your flower shop to spend time with you? Who would carry you off your bed during the weekends just to go to the convience store. Who would wrap arms and limbs around you and sing you to sleep at night after nightmares, after remembering? Did it even matter? You’ve never felt like this before, the only thing that came close was your devotion was your flowers. Maybe it should’ve scared you, that suddenly there was someone with so much importace to you, on the same level as the only thing that got through the Incident. You turned your head, the side pressed against Jisung’s chest. His arms moved to wrap around you waist, tightening around you. Your nose was touching his, lips only a breath away- but he was crying.

“Jisung,” you said softly, “Why are you crying? You chose this movie.”

“Do you think people in love will always end up together?”

You laced your hands in his, intertwining the both of them. “Of course,” you whispered, “Love finds a way.”

You thought it would happen then, his lips practically on top of yours- but it didn’t. He turned from you, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down- something caught in his throat. “Even if the person lied?”

“I guess it depends on the ‘sung. As long as it wouldn’t change your perception of the person in a way that hurt the relationship too much, I think they could make it.”

“What if it did? What if the person wasn’t as good as you thought they were?”

“Sung, is something going on? You can talk to me, I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.”

“You can’t. I can’t. We can’t.”

“Sung,” You cupped his face, making him look at you. You turned around, and his embrace loosened but remained around your waist. “I love you. You’re my best friend. I love you more than my shop. I promise that I always will, no matter the circumstances. You’re a good person, I know that. I promise, I pinky-promise.” You held up your pinky, and he brushed away his tears wrapping his finger around yours.

You don’t remember exactly what he had said before he left, something about a band dropping out of the club he played at. He had gotten a call and gathered his things almost immediately. You offered to go with him, you always wanted to see him live with his fans but he always refused. He said that it wasn’t your scene, and all grimy- it wasn’t somewhere you should be, not a play for someone pure as you. But you didn’t feel pure and insisted that he was the purer of you two. But it didn’t matter, when Jisung’s mind was set, it was set. He kissed your forehead, and before the door close he wrapped his pinky around yours without another word.

And then Jisung disappeared again.

It wasn’t the first time, but it was one of the longest. The days dragged on, the day having to pull and drag the night up into the sky. Even the sky’s star shined dimly, there only because of obligation. Ever since you started making arrangements back home at your mother’s flower store, you never liked roses much. But now you were starting to understand people’s obsession with them. It was an iconic symbol of love, everyone’s go-to, and you supposed there was a good reason for that. Its smell was sickeningly sweet, and the petals like velvet. You started getting letters in the mail. It happened every day. And even though you were flattered, you began to get worried. Worry arising.

After four months, you finally saw Jisung again. He kept somewhat in contact, but he had been busy. There were two months with complete radio silence, and one night you saw news coverage of shots fired in a car chase. You hadn’t put two and two together then, not even as you saw Jisung slightly limp as he moved around your store. You remember being conflicted about asking him, but as he kept telling you about his stories featuring his group members, you got lost.

That’s the night it all happened.

But before that, way before that. Maybe it really was love at first sight.

After the hose incident, you found Jisung lingering around your store until closing time. He had brought sweets every day for two weeks until you invited him back up to your apartment.

“Thank god,” he groaned, “My grandmother said if it didn’t work this time, she was going to interfere. Jokes on her, though, I’ve been stealing sweets forever.”

You laughed, getting bold after closing the shop and tugging at his wrist as you pulled him up the metal spiral stairs. “I would be more worried about Minho,” you teased, “you’d better not be slacking off during practice or he’ll chew you out.”

“Ew, ugh! Don’t remind me.”

“So, um,” you looked down, “What do you want to do?”

“Can I pick a movie?”

He had chosen a romance movie, you could’ve gone to the theater instead, but he insisted that he would pay you back for the fee- and that going to the theater would never be better than streaming at home. You didn’t mind romance movies, they were fun to watch. But during the less tense parts of the movies, you could feel yourself falling asleep and before you knew it your head was on his shoulder. If you were less sleepy, you would’ve freaked out as he pulled you closer is fingers lightly drawing shapes on your hips. You awoke when you felt Jisung’s chest heave and you looked up to see him crying. It was the first time you saw Jisung cry, and it broke your heart.

“Jisung, are you okay? We can change the movie if it’s too much…”

“No! Sorry, it’s just…”

“It’s just?”

“I don’t think there’s anything more beautiful than love. I’m going to have a love like this one day. And I can’t wait. Thinking about makes me cry.”

You were awake now. Eyes glazed over, still heavy with exhaustion and sleep. The blood down your back had dried now, you could feel your hair all bunched together and sticky with the flaky dried and blood. It was throbbing, pulsing almost- the headache was unbearable. How long has it been? How long would it be? You tried moving your legs, a numb static began to make you grow in discomfort. It was for the better though, because otherwise you would’ve felt the rope digging in and around your ankles. It was hard, you had to press your wrists further against the cuffs in order to help yourself. It was awkward, like a baby learning how to walk. It must’ve been hours when you stood there, the feeling finally returning to your legs. Your arms were relieved with the ability to relax, even if they were in an awkward position. They were still strung up, but at least your upper arm could relax.

The flowers in the room had been replaced, but the petals around you were starting to become crisp and brown. Alstroemerias, altheas, arbutus, red and yellow balsams, Japanese rose, jumpers, and kalmias. It made you shiver with disgust and fear. Where was he getting these flowers? Was he going back to your shop?

You collapsed suddenly, your legs caving in on yourself. Your wrists pulled at harshly as your knees hit the floor. Have you eaten? You couldn’t have, how long has it been? Your stomach began to turn, you were hungry, but that was the least of your worries. Was Jisung really dead? What about his friends, Minho, Chan and everyone else? Were they dead too? How were you to expected to live with yourself, knowing you had brought his misfortune on all of them? If they were alive, how could you expect them to forgive you for the mess you had made? You couldn’t, and you would have to live with the guilt of hurting Jisung for the rest of your life. Because you knew it was dangerous, falling in love with someone knowing that it could be turned against you at any moment- but you did anyway. And now you had dug your own grave. Thoughts were growing difficult to form, the space growing through your coherent thoughts. All you could was feel.

How much time has passed? Months? Weeks? Days? Hours? Minutes? All you knew was white. You could see the walls fill in the spots in your vision. It was irrational, but you began to hate the white painted walls. The lack of color was draining you, except for the vase in front of you. You wanted to kick it, destroy it completely- you wanted to move and release everything- every emotion and irrational thought boiling with impulsivity in your head. The only thought going through your head, getting louder and louder, blocking the diminishing number of coherent thoughts.

Jisung is dead.

You cried, even as dehydrated as you were. Your voice was raspy, and you couldn’t even speak words of comfort to yourself. You couldn’t remember, you couldn’t make them out.”It’s…going….to...be...okay.” Maybe it was pathetic but you were the only one you could lean on. You couldn’t hang on to the hope that someone was going to rescue you, especially if the only people you were dead- or angry because of the mess you had caused.

“Have you learned your lesson?”

You looked up, vision spotty and glazed with tears, and nodded desperately. You were mad at yourself for giving in so easily. “You’re pretty like this, “ he cooed, “All broken down and desperate.” He stroked your hair, fingers getting caught in your bloodied hair. “I bet you’re hungry, hm? I’m not going to let you go, so you’re going to have to let me feed you. I’d hate to have to...well, you know.”

You wish you didn’t.

It felt like you were giving in as you ate, the food dry and difficult to swallow. He sat there for a while. The water he made you drink missed your mouth and streamed down your neck. You sat there, helpless, unable to clean yourself. “What a pretty mess,” he murmured, “What a pretty mouth. Just for me.” You hated him, you did. You hated him like forest fire, like the damage of a natural disaster. He disgusted you, he was disgusting- time and time again, he had taken everything that mattered to you. And he won. You felt pathetic, useless. Jisung was dead, dead and gone and you felt like it was all your fault. It made you shake, your heart thumping against your ribcage, begging to get out.

His phone rang, the ringtone burning in your ear. “Yes… I told you...Just get it...Dead.” He must’ve heard you lean against the metal cuffs, because he got up. He smiled, using his thumb to wipe the water off your lips. You were beginning to panic again, maybe it was a small chance that he was talking about Jisung and stray kids, but any chance was big enough to get worried. Before he closed the door, before you could give a second thought: “Help me take..a bath. Please.” Even with your soft, raspy and broken voice, it was enough to get his attention. Words were getting harder to form, it was getting to harder to even think- but you had to warn them, even if you don’t know what the danger was. Because if the call was about them, some of them were alive- and that meant you could clean up some of your mess, or at least make up for it. He ended the call quickly, uncuffing you. You arms immediately dropped, hands slamming against the floor.

“I knew you would come around. But you’d better behave. I don’t care if I have to hurt you to keep you complacent.” You watched as he pulled at your legs, untying the rope that kept your legs together. You struggled to get up, so he opted to carry you, throwing you over his back. It hurt your eyes to be flooded with color as he carried you to the bathroom. The bath ran and you sat in the warm water, he was watching you as he sat on the toilet cover. The feeling was returning to your body as the water in the filling bathtub lapped against you. “Help...me.” You didn’t want him to touch you, you never wanted to feel his fingers brush against your bare skin. You didn’t trust him, and you never would. Especially not after he did, or tried to do with Jisung. But more than anger, you felt guilt. It was overwhelming, contradictory feelings making your head spin even more. You shuddered as you felt the soap against your back.

“I missed you,” he murmured, “I’ve been searching for you for so long, waited for you so long.”

You swallowed hard, biting your lip as he continued. “I watched you for months. I wanted to take you and carry you away in the night, but I wanted to make him watch. He needed to know you were mine.” You felt hot water pour over your head, the bathtub becoming decorated in a red tint. “I almost gave up, I thought I had lost you completely. But then I saw you with lover boy. I wanted to kill him right there, I wanted to kill everyone but you. He gave a good fight though, beat the shit out of me. But guess who’s dead and who’s got the love?” He laughed at that, massaging something into your hair and picking at the flecks. You felt your wound burn and you moved to cover it, but he slapped your hand away. “Me. I won. You’re all mine, and if I ever see him again. I’ll kill everyone. I’m the only one who loves, okay? Not Jisung, not anyone else. You’re mine.” You heard him murmur that again and again. “I love you, you’re mine, mine.” You brought your knees to your chest, glad that the water hid the fact that you were crying. He didn’t push you to get up though, at least he was that decent. You watched as the red water swirled down the drain. He left and brought a towel, and your dress was clean and pressed. He sat on the toilet cover again, watching in case you wanted to pull something again.

This time you walked, content with being able to feel your weight shift as you walked. You knew this feeling, what it felt like to be completely devoid of basic powers. He led you back to the room, watching the phone in his back pocket. As you entered the room, you took an interest in the flowers. They were beautiful, despite what they meant. It was the only color in the white void of a room, and it mocked you. Your fingers caressed the petals, and the smell was haunting. Your heart was beating again, and you did your best to keep your face blank.

“Aren’t they nice? I got them just for you. You don’t even know what they mean, do you?

“No...tell me.”

“Nah. It’s a secret just for me.”

He moved to set up your ties again, and you got up, legs wobbling with a slight shake as your grip around the black vase tightened. It was now or never. It didn’t happen in slow motion- you knew that wasn’t possible. But you watched as the vase shattered against the back of his head, falling, bursting into tiny pieces as the flowers fell to his feet and he toppled. You knew there was no way he would be down for long, so you fished the phone out of his pockets. You panicked as you ran around the large house, searching for a room to hide in the meanwhile. His phone was locked, but you saw the screen unlock as you typed in your anniversary. You didn’t know where you were, a random room with various boxes. You slide the closet door open, met with the smell of mothballs but you entered anyway. There was a lot of stuff, and you piled things on top of you as you typed Jisung’s number.

It fell to voicemail, and you felt tears well up in your eyes.

“Jisung….it’s me….don’t have time, please...he’s send..ing...someone. Be safe..please...I’m in love.... with you. I’m sorry.”

You ended the call, typing in the emergency number.

“What’s your emergency?”

“I’m trapped...abducted.”

“Do you know where you are?”

“No.”

“Okay, stay calm okay? Please stay on the line as long as you can.”

“Can’t..he’s coming. Oh god, I’m as good...as dead.”

“Can you tell me his name please?”

“_____”

“____, as in the gang leader?”

“Yes.”

“I need you to stay on the line okay. Do you remember where you last were?”

“Boseong, my shop...flower shop..mirror.”

You heard the door slam open and the closet door slide open with a large creak.

“Sweetheart? Are you still there? Sweetheart, stay on the line. Is he in the room-?”

“Caught.”

azaleas: fragility

petunias: your prescense soothes me

globe amaranths: immortality, unfading love

carrot flowers: do not refuse me

asphodel in a black vase: death threat

eglatines: i wound to heal

lemon blossom: fidelity in love

peach blossom: i am your captive

lungworts: thou art my life

phlox: our souls are united, unanimity

alstroemerias: devotion

altheas: consumed by love

arbutus: love only for you

red balsams: touch me not, impatient resolve

yellow balsams: impatience

japanese rose: beauty is your only attraction

jumpers: asylum, aid, protection

kalmias: treachery

#stray kids #stray kids fanfic #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #skz fic #skz han jisung #skz fluff #skz angst #stray kids han #stray kids han jisung #han jisung #han jisung fanfic #han jisung imagine #han jisung imagines

27 notes · View notes

wonderlustlucas · 6 years

Text

warmth - wong yukhei

⇢ prompt It’s like a breath of fresh air on the first day of spring, filling you to the brim with new life and you can't get enough. ⇢ pairing yukhei x female reader ⇢ word count 16k ⇢ genre fluff & slight smut ⇢ warnings oh my GOD the fluff in this killed me, resuscitated me, & then hit me with a car. if you squint really hard there is like a teaspoon of smut & implied s e x ⇢ summary Meeting NCT was definitely not something you or your best friend ever imagined would actually happen on your road to stardom, but Wong Yukhei falling for you never once crossed your mind. Lucky for you, a touch of jealousy, fifteen rounds of Fortnite, impromptu snuggling, and a splash of soju is the perfect recipe for falling in love. ⇢ a/n ok FIRST OF ALL since this is my first actual fic im posting i feel like i should warn u all & apologize for my use of italics, im a little obsessed cuz when i go over & read what ive typed i always put emphasis on specific words so ya just roll w that. secondly i tried sosososo hard to include every member but obviously some got more spotlight than others thats just how the cookie crumbled BUT I TRIED. and lastly the beginning to this is a little rough but i swear it gets better trust me on this, warmth is my bby rn & im proud cuz it gets real good as u keep reading. enjoy:)

“Kim Mina and ___ ___, welcome! Take a seat! How are you?”

Yuna’s greeting is welcoming but it barely calms your nerves. Your grip on Mina’s hand is like iron, but you finally have to let go and give your best smile before shimmying onto the high stool. Mina starts the small talk with the two anchors and you can’t help but silently thank her. Lord knows small talk was not your thing.

Meanwhile, you glance around the large room, taking it all in—from the brightness of all the screens to the professional video cameras facing in your direction and all the way to the small crowd of fans cheering outside. How did you end up here?

“So, tell me, what started this amazing journey the two of you have gotten yourselves into?” Seojun, the second anchor, asks with a beaming grin. You look to Mina and she nods to you in approval. Deep breathe. Don’t panic.

“Well, Mina and I have been best friends, if you’d like to put it that simply, since we were freshmen,” the three chuckle at your comment, “we both shared and bonded over our love for BTS, actually, and then Seventeen, NCT, Red Velvet, and so on.”

You pause to lick your lips and take a deep gulp of air.

“We both weren’t very active nor athletic. First, we played volleyball, then lacrosse, and we even tried golf but sports just wasn’t really our thing. So, we eventually settled for a gym membership and spent a lot of time there together, and over time we really got into shape,” you stop again to laugh when Yuna reaches out to poke at Mina’s very prominent bicep muscle.

“And so one-day junior year we were jamming to, uh, I don't know,” you laugh, glancing to Mina. “BBoom BBoom,” she says, “by MOMOLAND.”

You smile to yourself at the fond memory. “Anyway, Mina randomly suggested that we should learn the full choreography and not just random parts. At first, I laughed at her ‘cause I thought there was no way either of us was bright enough to remember the full thing. But she was so serious about it that I eventually just agreed to it to humor her, and we actually learned it by ourselves.”

“It wasn’t as easy as I thought, though,” Mina interrupts, “it took a really, really long time just to get the footwork and so many times I knew ___ wanted to shoot herself for agreeing to do this,” she laughs and the three of you join her. “But once we got it, we recorded it, and we were just amazed. Like, ‘Wow, we did that! That’s us!’ and we showed everyone we knew. The sense of pride motivated us to do it again. So we did Mic Drop by BTS, and when we uploaded it on YouTube it really blew up within our school,” Mina stops and looks at you to continue.

“Our friends and family really started spreading the word about us after the fourth or fifth video we uploaded. In the meantime, a lot of kids thought we were really weird for, you know, putting ourselves out there like that. But it was just so fun to dance that we really didn’t care about both the positive or negative feedback we were getting. After all, we were only seventeen, you know. But things really started getting serious about two months ago when we uploaded Baby Don’t Stop from NCT U and CLAP from Seventeen. Someone big must have stumbled upon our account because a week later we were in the newspaper. Something about ‘arising local stars,’ I think,” you pause when Yuna shuffles through her papers to pull out the exact article you were talking about.

“Yep,” she pauses to flip through the papers, “‘___ ___ and Kim Mina: Small-town Seniors to Stardom,’ wow, so you two really caught someone’s eye,” she comments as Seojun nods in agreement.

“So yeah, that’s basically it. We still plan to graduate high school and all, but right now we’re not sure if we want to go to college at this point. We have a steady income as of right now and hopefully, we can really make this into a career. It’s kind of our passion at this point, not just a hobby,” you finish, fixing the collar of the rather fitting romper you were wearing.

“Wow,” Seojun comments and brings his hands up to clap, “talk about an inspiring story.”

“Hopefully. We tell our followers that even if you may feel really lost in the world right now, you will find something that you’re passionate about, it’ll just take time and probably some stupid idea,” Mina concludes with a beaming smile and an arm around your neck, tugging you in close.

Yuna and Seojun coo in unison at the affectionate act and you can’t help but squeeze Mina back.

“So, we have a few more questions,” Yuna finally says after you pull away from your best friend. You sit up straighter in your seat and nod excitedly.

“This one’s easy. Who is your favorite group?” Seojun asks once he’s done flipping through the pile of note cards in his hands.

“NCT, for the both of us,” Mina replies easily, and you nod in agreement. “And do you have a bias, as I’ve heard you call it, in the group?” Yuna asks and you immediately feel the heat rush to your cheeks. It wasn’t that you’re embarrassed, you just don’t want to talk about it.

So, yeah, maybe you’re embarrassed.

“Uh-oh, ___ is red,” Seojun catches on and you squawk in embarrassment, having to hide your face from the cameras just so those watching wouldn’t be able to see you flush so badly. “Well, my bias is Taeyong,” Mina replies while soothingly patting your arm to get you to look back up.

“Yukhei,” you eventually squeak out after sitting up.

“Which choreography so far has been you’re favorite?” Yuna moves on instead of picking on your red-hot embarrassment anymore and you quietly thank the gods.

“Oh geez, I can’t choose one. CLAP, HIGHLIGHT, Burning Up, DNA, Cherry Bomb, 7th Sense, Baby Don’t Stop, Boss... all favorites. No way we could simplify it to one,” Mina laughs after naming off a few.

“Alright, last question before the surprise,” Yuna says, winking at the camera mischievously, “if you could go back in time, would you have started this journey earlier than you had?”

You glance at Mina and pause to think for a moment. Would you? Mina opens her mouth to say something but closes it again, clearly stumped by the question.

“No,” you speak up, “I think the way we did it worked out in the best way possible. It started as a joke for us, but the music we love turned it into something we’re passionate about. If we started this when we were any younger, we wouldn’t have been as mature and probably wouldn’t have gotten as much attention as we have. We would’ve looked like even more idiots to the public. It all happened for a reason, and I wouldn’t want to change it one bit, you know?” You rant, picking at your nails as you do so. Was that too much? Too little? Hopefully I didn't sound cocky.

“There you have it, folks! Wise words from eighteen-year olds ___ ___ and Kim Mina!” Seojun cheers and Yuna claps. Mina bows and you smile appreciatively. “Don’t leave just yet! After this commercial break, Mina and ___ will be performing live before the show ends! Stay tuned everybody!” Yuna finally announces and you can finally breathe again now that the cameras are off.

“Go on and get changed, kiddos. Don’t wanna miss your own performance,” Seojun smiles. “Thank you. And thank you for having us. This was amazing,” you reply, hopping off the seat and giving him and Yuna firm handshakes before storming backstage with Mina.

“You spoke so well! What the fuck? What happened to little ol’ ___ stuttering and dying when she has to present?” Mina exclaims excitedly, spinning you into a hug in the dressing room. “I don't know! I just—I have no idea! I felt so, so... proud, you know? Look how far we’ve gotten,” You speak hurriedly, peeling everything off your body.

“I know, this is crazy. I feel like I’m gonna shit myself,” Mina replies as you both unclasp each other’s bras to replace them with sports bras. “Me too. I don’t know why I’m so nervous to perform, we could do this choreo asleep, with our eyes closed, and our legs cut off,” you exaggerate, tugging up your ripped black skinny jeans and hopping around to get them up.

“With our legs cut off?” Mina laughs as she pulls up her denim shorts. “But no, I feel you. It’s because it’s live, we usually have the comfort of knowing that we can mess up without anyone knowing,” she explains as you push your arms through the sleeves of the cropped white tank you decided on.

The two of you finish getting dressed, quickly stretch, and hurry back out before you actually are late. “Good luck, don’t mess up,” Mina whispers, fixing your braids and giving your hands a gentle, reassuring squeeze. “Thanks, asshole. You too.”

Baby Don’t Stop starts from the speakers, extremely loud but too quiet and exhilarating but soothing all at the same time. It’s a natural habit now—the way your body moves to Ten’s absolutely panty-dropping voice and Taeyong’s aggressive rapping—arms twisting in ways that used to hurt and legs reaching new angles every second.

But it’s happening all too quickly—you want it to slow down so you can bask in the feeling of doing what you love for everyone to see.

You find yourself singing along like you usually do, and start to worry that it could be heard. What if you sound like a crow, squawking Ten and Taeyong’s beautiful lyrics? Focus. You mentally slap yourself when you lean over a minute and a half in to scratch Mina’s chin and head. So you keep going.

You always dance Ten’s role—it was something you begged Mina when you chose Baby Don’t Stop as the next choreography you two would learn. Mina had no problem with it, considering she wanted to dance her own bias’ moves.

Two minutes in and you were officially breathing heavier after the last few complicated moves you had to do. Then the transition to Cherry Bomb started and you took a couple much needs breathes before continuing.

These last two minutes of Cherry Bomb you performed were always the hardest, especially since it was mainly beats rather than actual singing or rapping. There were so many movements that needed perfecting, so many angles that needed to be reached, and so many changes that had to be done quickly all had your head spinning.

Your legs are burning. God, they hurt. You can feel the sweat dripping across your neck, down your spine, and into the waistline of your jeans like a waterfall. However, you receive an adrenaline rush sent by the heavens after the first time you have to fall back onto the floor only to quickly lean back up and do a few more grueling flips and tumbles.

After your very difficult part on the floor, you finally rejoin Mina for the last forty seconds to begin your descent to an almost-split before jumping back up and finishing the song.

The loud music is cut off and you are left with only you and Mina’s heavy breathing, blood rushing in your ears, and the loud applause coming from the crew, anchors, and friends and family off to the side.

Oh my God. We did it. You quickly turn to Mina and engulf her into the tightest hug of your life, not caring about the slick layer of perspiration between you. “I’m so proud of you,” you mumble into her neck, giving her one last squeeze. “Of us,” she quips as Seojun and Yuna stop next to her.

“Kim Mina and ___ ___, ladies and gentlemen! Thank you all for watching and have a wonderful night!”

You wave tiredly at the camera and give a weak smile, but all you can focus on is how heavy your breathing is and an annoying bead of sweat rolling down into your asscrack. Seojun and Yuna say something about relaxing for a while in the private lounge upstairs and as soon as you hear water and brownies you’re off, racing Mina up the stairs no matter how badly your legs scream at you not to.

“I can’t believe we did that!” Mina screams, spinning around and making a bee-line for the table full of beverages and food. You quickly yank your sweaty tank off your body, crumble it up in a ball, and toss it at her head. “Oh my God, you’re a disgusting, repulsive, ugly, sickening rat,” she hisses, swatting your outreaching hand away.

You chuckle to yourself as you grab a water bottle, pausing for a moment to grimace at the copious amount of sweat in your cleavage before cracking the cap off of the bottle and nearly inhaling the delightfully cold, refreshing liquid.

“You know, maybe we should just forget about this. I’m so tired of the way you treat me,” you start, finishing the bottle before cracking open another one without even glancing her way.

“___,” she starts to interrupt, but you don’t let her. “Like, the amount of disrespect I get is nauseating,” you continue while reaching for a brownie and basically shoving the whole thing in your mouth. “___,” she says again.

“I just don’t understand. I do nothing but love and support you, clean the house, nurse our children,” you pause to chew on a chocolate chip cookie, “pick up the dog’s shit, for crying out loud! And this is what I get back?” You finally end your sarcastic rant, popping pieces of cut fruit into your mouth before breaking into a fit of giggles.

“___!” she shouts this, and you finally look at her, wondering if you’ve somehow offended her. You follow her gaze once you realize she’s not even paying any mind to you or your shenanigans.

And there they are.

All eighteen of them.

Right across the room.

The water bottle doesn’t make it to your mouth this time but instead falls from your grip and onto the floor. You don’t even notice it, considering all eighteen fucking members of NCT are sitting only a few yards away, their mouths slightly agape and a shocked expression mirroring your own.

You don’t know how long it takes for one of you to finally say something. “Am I hallucinating or is NCT in our room?” Mina whispers.

You blink hard. Rub your eyes. Pinch your skin. “No. They’re there.”

And then you sob. You don’t know what happened, but something within you snaps and a choke sounds from your lips and tears swell from your eyes.

“Oh my God, don’t cry,” someone says and seconds later engulfs you in a hug.

They were here. In the same room as you. Had they watched you perform? Were they invited, or did they coincidentally have an interview here as well? You sob into the jacket of whoever is holding you, your knees buckling beneath you as they hold you.

“Why are you crying?” None other than Nakamoto Yuta asks quietly, his hand placed gently on your head rubbing soothing circles.

You finally pull away and wipe underneath your eyes. When you look up at him you nearly choke again. He’s so beautiful. “I—how? I just—where did you? What the fuck?” You cry again and nearly melt into a pathetic puddle when he wipes the tears from your eyes.

“Should we leave?” Yuta laughs, his hands resting on your bare shoulders. “No!” You shout, too loudly. You look down in embarrassment. “Okay, good. I was beginning to wonder you actually didn’t like us,” he chuckles again, and this time you look at his face and nearly faint when you see his gorgeous smile you’ve spent hours gawking over.

“No, never. I’m just... confused? How—who? How did you guys get here?” You stutter, shaking under his gaze.

“Well, we were kind of notified that you two would be performing our songs and thought it would be pretty cool to surprise you,” a new voice appears. You feel like throwing up when Mark Lee comes into view.

“I don’t—I literally don’t know how to talk anymore. How is this happening?” You whisper to yourself, hoping they don’t hear you but by their chuckles they apparently do. “Sorry we surprised you to the point you practically shit yourself,” another someone laughs.

Lee Je No has joined your little circle now too, and you reach out to the table next to you to stand properly. “Sorry, give me a moment,” you chuckle, not because you find it funny, but because you’re so entirely wound up you think death is quite possible.

After a moment or so of you controlling your breath and the three awkwardly standing there, you finally lean up and look over them again. Calm down, idiot. They’re people. People that you have read smut about way too many times and have cried your heart out over. But still people.

“Hi, I’m ___,” you eventually opt for, reaching out to whoever. Yuta takes your hand first, then Jeno, and finally Mark. They introduce themselves as if it was totally normal. Mina!

“One second,” you quip, shuffling over to see Mina in her own little circle of Park Ji Sung, Kim Jungwoo, Kim Dong Young, and Lee Tae Yong.

She was with Taeyong!

You scan over the rest of NCT some who are in their conversations or awkwardly standing there. After all, it was eighteen meeting two. Your eyes don’t stay on one person for too long, just because your excitement is so overwhelming and you need to see everyone.

Wong Yukhei. There he was. Six feet tall in all his glory, rocking on his heels as he laughed loudly with Qian Kun. “Lucas is here,” you say suddenly and to no one in particular.

Your statement comes off more as a question and the trio laugh. “Well, he is part of NCT, is he not?” Mark asks with a grin. “Shush, she’s going through a midlife crisis over here. You heard her earlier,” Yuta retorts with an elbow to Mark’s side.

“Oh God, did he hear me say that he’s my bias?” You hiss, slapping yourself on the forehead. “Well, we were all watching, so I’d say so by the way he blushed about a hundred shades red,” Jeno says, giving your shoulder a squeeze. He blushed?

“C’mon, you should meet everyone,” Marks luckily saves the day and changes the subject. He reaches for your hand and you take it gently, looking down in hot embarrassment. You aren’t wearing your shirt! You’re mouth forms an ‘o’ as recognition hits you like a train and you let go of his hand to pick up the crumpled shirt on the floor.

Even after you pull the damp tank back on you still feel incredibly embarrassed for having been so exposed to the boys and can’t seem to shake it from your mind until you start meeting everyone.

It’s awkward at first, but they’re all incredibly sweet—sweeter than they are online—and you fit right in. After thirty minutes or so, you’re finally led to the last few members.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Lucas. What do I say? Act normal? Pretend he isn’t my lock screen or the reason I’ve been up until four in the morning on so many nights? You have yet another midlife crisis and opt to just smile at him.

But you can’t look away. The tall, beautiful, genuine, hilarious, pure, wonderful boy you never in a million years thought would be so close. You can barely breath when his eyes lock with yours and every working brain cell disintegrates.

His lips. They were even plusher and poutier in person and you wanted nothing more than to touch them. His dark hair fell messily over his forehead while a few blonde strands brushed his long eyelashes and you nearly cried at how soft and fluffy it looked. Defined eyebrows, darkdarkdark brown eyes, sharp jaw, and the soft slope of his nose were the only things you were focused on and yet you couldn’t find yourself to care despite the incredibly long staring contest the two of you were having.

“I was just telling everyone that you’re my mini-me,” Ten giggles and it finally brings you back to reality. You look away from Lucas to quirk an eyebrow at Ten’s statement. Just how long were you staring? Long enough to not know what they’re talking about, clearly. “You know,” he elbows you, “you dance my part in Baby Don’t Stop.”

“Oh,” you laugh, curling into him when his arm drapes over your shoulder, “I wouldn’t say I’m a mini you. Nowhere’s close.”

“You’re lying,” Lucas interjects and it takes everything in you to look at him again. “I think you dance it even better than Ten,” he teases and when he laughs something deep within the confines of your heart sparks—it’s a loud, hearty laugh that you swear on your life is the best sound you have ever heard. Your mouth falls open at his compliment and can’t help the hotness that rushes up your neck and onto your cheeks.

“Ouch,” Ten fakes to cry, finally removing his arm to place his hand over his heart. What were you to say? You simply could not form a coherent reply and instead stood there like an idiot, completely starstruck.

Eventually, conversations start to slow down and everyone is sitting, either on their phone or piling junk food onto plants and chowing down. You find yourself gravitating to the empty seat next to Mina and as soon as you sit down, she grins at you.

“What have we gotten ourselves into?” You laugh, toying with rips in your jeans. “I don’t know. All I do know is that I don’t ever want them to leave,” she sighs, and the realization hits you.

They were going to have to go eventually, and no matter how close they lived to you or not, the chances of ever being able to see them were incredibly low. It was like a dagger to the heart, twisting and digging into you as the disappointment settled in. “At least we got to meet them,” you whisper, trying to be optimistic.

“I know, but now that I’ve had a taste, I want the full platter,” she mumbles and you feel like smacking her for having to sound so wise.

Before you can reply, Chenle appears next to Mina and leans on his elbows, wisps of blonde hair falling into his eyes. “Hey, so, would you guys want to come back to the dorms with us? We’re doing a vLive and thought it would be cool to have you guys in it. It’ll be a truth or dare kind of thing with all of us. You guys should come.”

You gape up at him. Go back to the dorms with them? “Could we take a shower?” Mina asks.

“Yeah, of course. vLive can wait,” he laughs, the high pitch of it makes you laugh as well. Mina looks at you, silently pleading to agree.

“I’ll have to ask my mom.”

It took a lot of pleading and begging and fake crying for both you and Mina’s parents to finally agree. After a whole lecture about boys only wanting to get into girls’ pants, arguing that they aren't like that, and making you promise to never leave each other’s sides, you were finally at the dorms.

After Jaehyun guided you both to the bathrooms, you finally got the shower you desperately needed. After shampoo and conditioner, you scrubbed the layer of dried sweat off your skin and simply stood under the warmth of the water. Your muscles were so damn sore, and you were so incredibly exhausted that you feared you would be knocked out and miss out on the fun.

When someone knocked on the door and teased you about taking forever, you started to feel bad and eventually turned the water off. You dried, brushed your damp hair, and swapped your towel for leggings and a black t-shirt that stopped mid-thigh all under fifteen minutes before finally exiting the bathroom.

You hear laughter coming from down the hall and aimlessly follow in that direction, hoping to find your newfound... friends and not walk into some important meeting. Although, who would be meeting at seven o'clock at night?

“___, we got pizza!” Johnny calls from across the room, being the first to notice your entrance. Wow. The dance practice room is even bigger in person? Your fingers trace the mirrors on every wall as you make your way over, completely entranced with the large room.

“Impressive, isn’t it?” Win Win asks, clearly catching onto your awe. “Yeah, I can’t believe how... how big it is,” you gape, spinning on your heels to take it all in again. Imagine how awesome it would be to have all this space!

“That’s what she said,” someone comments, and you look over to see Jaehyun smirking and can't help but laugh at his stupid line. “How original,” you snort while the rest of the boys roar in laughter.

“How did you manage to finish before me?”

You’re surprised when Mina appears by your side but also relieved that she’s finally here. “’Dunno, a lot of weird things have happened today.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Are you guys going to eat or did we order four boxes for nothing?” Taeyong asks and you roll your eyes while Mina mumbles something along the lines of ‘so damn aggressive’ in your ear.

You skip over to the table and grab at a slice while discerning where to sit. Were you to just sit anywhere randomly? By yourself? With someone in particular? This is awkward. Jaemin must have read your mind since he calls you over and pats the open spot on the windowsill next to him.

“Thanks,” you smile, pulling your legs up and sitting crisscross. “So,” he starts, and you glance up at him.

Damn.

Jaemin always had a special place in your heart, so having him right here in front of you made concentrating on one part of his face rather difficult. “So.”

“I thought you and Mina’s whole story was really cool. Since it started as a joke and such,” he says, casually leaning back against the window. “Aw, thank you! As much as it would be super cool to be able to tell people dancing has been our passion our whole life, that’s just not the case. We just lucked out, I guess.”

“Heck yeah, you did. I mean, look at you! It’s a shame you don't sing too—you’d really be a knock-out,” he compliments rather smoothly, crisscrossing his own legs so that your knees were now touching. You couldn’t tell if he was flirting or not, not that you minded, but quickly brushed it off.

“Nana, are you flirting with a girl older than you?”

You look up and nearly shit yourself when Lucas leans against the wall next to you, his muscular thighs just barely pressing gently against your bent knee. “That’s exactly what I’m doing,” Jaemin replies, clearly not fazed by Lucas’ sudden bossy front.

“Anyway, I’m off. Catch me later, yeah?” Jaemin beams, playfully bumping into your shoulder before hopping off the sill and walking away. Leaving you by yourself. With Yukhei.

“Hello,” he greets, his voice deep and his grin wide, making his big eyes scrunch up in delight. “Hi,” you squeak, voice quiet and rather pathetic. “I’m starting to think you don’t like me, ___, and I’m really hurt,” he sighs from his position still next to the wall. Very intimidating for such a soft boy. You take a deep breath. Act normal.

You scoff. “Ah, yes, Yukhei, I’m sorry to break it to you, but I don’t like you.”

“You know you can call me Lucas.”

“I’m aware,” you laugh, suddenly hyper-aware of the sudden lack of space when he leans even closer. “Then why do you call me Yukhei?”

You swallow the thump in your throat and force yourself to look at the boy you have once claimed your undying love for. “’Dunno. I’ll start calling you Lucas if you really want me to.”

“No! No—I didn’t mean it like that. I just—never mind.” Bingo. Finally broke his little facade. “Gosh, Yukhei, you shouldn’t be flirting with a younger girl,” you use his words to Jaemin somewhat against him, and the sudden confidence has you grinning up at him. His mouth hangs open a bit.

Before he replies, Taeyong claps and everyone’s attention is on him. “We’re starting the vLive so if everyone could somehow come over here that would be fantastic.”

You shift off the windowsill after popping the last piece of pizza in your mouth and look up at Lucas, who’s still looking at you with his jaw slack. “Sorry, I’ll go back to being nervous around you,” you tease before bouncing back over to the two sofas.

Despite everyone’s pleas for you and Mina to sit on the couch, you opt for the floor and sit next to Jaehyun who greets you with a heartwarming smile. “Have you ever done a vLive before?” He asks once you’re comfortably settled next to him.

“Oh yeah, we’ve done a few. It’s kind of hard when you’re still a senior and have a shit ton of homework. Plus trying to learn new choreography takes a lot of free time,” you laugh. “I mean, you would know,” you add, hoping to not sound cocky.

“I feel that,” he smiles, moving his arm from between you to rest around your shoulders. You can’t help but smile at it.

“And... we’re on!” Jungwoo cheers, finally moving away from the phone set up on a tripod a few feet away. Everyone cheers and waves so you awkwardly join in, hoping to somewhat seem as if you aren’t freaking out internally.

Taeil, Mark, and Renjun go back and forth asking everyone watching to drop questions along with ‘good dares because we’re not pussies in this bitch,’ as Haechan whispered from behind you. It doesn’t take long for the comments to start flooding in, and you watch from Mina’s phone that a lot of them are mainly asking who you and she are.

“Guys, this is Kim Mina,” Taeyong finally announces, patting her head from his spot on the floor next to her.

“And this is my best friend ___ ___!” Jaehyun shouts, pulling you into his chest. “Woo!” You cheer, your heart ready to burst at his outburst of affection. “If you guys didn’t catch their performance today, definitely check out their YouTube channel. Super talented gals,” Taeyong finishes.

“Except they don’t sing!” Jaemin shouts and you glance back to give him a playful glare.

“Actually, I heard ___ singing my part in Baby Don’t Stop today,” Ten interjects and you want to die. The boys break into a chorus of ‘oooh’s, turning their attention to him. “She’s pretty good, not gonna lie. Not as good as me, of course,” he giggles.

You laugh, more thankful that you apparently don’t sound like a toad from Hell itself when you absentmindedly sing along during performances.

“I found a question!” Yuta hoots. “Mina and ___, are you dating anybody?”

You glance at Mina and break into a fit of laughter. “If we were dating anybody we definitely would not be here right now. Plus no one in our school wants to date us, we’re losers. So no, we’re not dating anyone,” Mina laughs.

“Way to lighten the mood,” Chenle cackles like a dolphin somewhere behind you.

“Oh, I got a dare. Jungwoo, you have been dared to slap Doyoung’s booty,” Jaehyun calls from next to you. Ah, yes. You’d finally get to see Dowoo in action.

After a few moments the two get up and stand right in front of you, and Jungwoo gives the most aggressive slap he could have done that has the whole room roaring in laughter while Doyoung basically cries.

“Mina, someone asked you to marry them, what do you say?” Ten shouts. “Sure! I’ll marry you!” The pretty girl next to you says to the phone, adding a charming wink that has them laughing again.

“Wow, I feel left out on this one. But someone asked that Mina, ___, and everyone from the Firetruck music video perform the first minute of the choreo,” Jeno reads and your eyes nearly bug out of your head. More dancing? “I don't think my legs can take any more moving,” Mina sighs.

“I’m with you on that one.”

“Do you know this?” Mark asks, walking with you to push the tripod back so everyone could fit within the frame.

“Yeah, might be a little dusty though,” you laugh. “That’s okay, so are we,” Yuta reassures before getting into his position. The song begins and luckily it only takes you a few moments for it to come back to you, but the song is paused after at the minute mark even before you can really get into it or break a sweat.

“That was fun,” you comment, sitting back down next to Mina and Jaehyun. His arm goes back around your shoulders and you’re left thinking way too far into it, your heart beating wildly at the older boy’s sudden attachment.

“Truth for Mina again: how are you so gorgeous?” Chenle reads and you watch as her face turns a deep shade of red that has you all cooing at her. “I’m not. But thank you,” she rushes and you smack the back of her head.

“I got a dare! Ha. Jisung, you have to eat a raw egg,” Jungwoo giggles and everyone cries ‘eww’ in unison. “I hate you all,” he grumbles, getting up and jogging out of the room. Moments later the blue-headed boy returns, glass in hand.

“You’re all going to burn in Hell for this,” he says before bringing the glass to his lips and chugging the egg down like a shot.

“Ehhhhhhh, ew, oh gosh, ewww,” he whines second later, his tongue wiggling out of his mouth and his face contorting into a disgusted grimace.

“Dare for ___ and Mina! You guys have to do splits,” Johnny reads, glancing up from his phone to wiggle his eyebrows at you.

“I can’t do a split,” you grumble, stumbling up to your feet. You move away a little and suddenly feel incredibly self-conscious when Mina goes down once and gets it perfectly. Your mouth hangs open. “Yeah, I don’t do that.”

“Try!” Someone hoots and you opt for a straddle since you almost have that during Cherry Bomb. You start to spread your legs, going lower and lower until the muscles in your thighs are screaming. “You got it!” Mina cheers you on, “helping” you by pushing your back lightly.

Instead, you lose your balance and stumble over, groaning when your chin hits the hard floor. “Thanks, stupidhead,” you mumble, your face red in embarrassment because you just face planted in front of NCT and their fan base.

You stand back up and brush yourself off with a smile, trying to seem unbothered, especially when Jaehyun shoots you a sympathetic smile from the floor. You make your way to the table and pour yourself a cup of soda despite the fact that Lucas was right there, ignoring him altogether to avoid another awkward encounter.

But, unfortunately yet somewhat, fortunately, he has a different idea. Before you can manage to walk away, his large hands reach out, attach to your waist, and pull you down until your sitting rigidly on his lap, perfectly set within the space of his chest and the arm of the sofa.

You attempt to not think too far into it, reminding yourself of all the times members randomly pull one another into each other’s laps. But this was Lucas, pulling you onto his lap. Your heart is beating sporadically now, all the blood rushing to your head and goosebumps rising along your skin.

He clearly notices it, too, since his one hand still on your waist squeezes while the fingers on his other trace the bumps on your forearm. You twist your head to look at him. “What are you doing?” You hiss after it finally hits you—people were watching.

“Am I still you’re favorite?” He grins, obviously mocking the question posed by Yuta. “Not right now you aren’t,” you retort, eyes wide when he laughs loud and incredibly obnoxious. Now everyone was really looking.

“Sorry! ___ is just super funny!” He laughs again and your eyes go wide as everyone takes in the scene before them. After they all get over it and go back to the vLive, you look at him again.

“Are you on drugs? What’s up with you? You’re even crazier in person,” you whisper, your voice clearly shrinking when his hands go back to wrap snugly across your stomach. “Not crazy.” Is all he says.

“What, then? Are you suddenly super clingy or something? Or just drunk out of your mind?” You keep egging him on—you need to know what’s going through his damn head. “First Jaemin, then Jaehyun, and then everyone’s whispering about you,” he replies, his voice deep and raspy in your ear.

“Excuse me?”

“Gotta make sure I’m still you’re favorite,” he whispers, smiling innocently against your shoulder. Your mouth falls agape. What the fuck was going on? Since when? How? When did this all happen?

As the vLive dragged on, there wasn’t many dares or questions posed anymore, and everyone was just joking around and talking. At times when both you and Lucas were laughing, you thought you could make an escape but his long fingers became an iron grip on your ribs if you even tried moving. And he was acting so normal; still cracking jokes and making faces and acting like an idiot as if you weren’t even there.

So, you eventually give up and decide you might as well get comfortable, moving around so his hip bone wasn’t uncomfortably digging into you or that you weren’t awkwardly just plopped on his lap. After all, it’s not like your making out with him or doing anything bad. Sitting on laps was a fairly normal thing, right?

And oh God, did he smell like heaven. It was as if sandalwood and peppermint were clouding your brain, and every time you glanced up you got a little peek at his gentle features you had found yourself so in love with when he first debuted. How did you find yourself so close to someone that nearly fills up half of your camera roll?

“Anyway, guys, I think we’re gonna log out for tonight.”

You turn your attention back to the original reason you were even here, heart thumping against your chest and whole body on fire. You cannot concentrate with Yukhei’s body heat warming you head to toe and his breathing against your neck or his occasional laugh, let alone his long fingers spread across the dips of your waist and his thighs beneath your own. You blink until you refocus, quickly realizing everyone was waving and shouting goodbye. With an apprehensive and rather awkward wave, you watch in relief as Taeyong finally ends the live.

You hold your breath—what now? As soon as his grip loosens you’re up, moving a few feet away to stretch and simply breath. Lucas follows after a few seconds, raising his long arms over his head and stretching them with a yawn.

“That was fun,” he says with a smile plastered on his face. You glare at him, not entirely too sure what to say. What was there to even say? ‘Hey man, what the fuck was that?’ or were you to just act normal about it? And what were the NCTzens going to say or do, and how many questions were going to be asked? Hopefully, people wouldn't delve that far into it.

“You guys should always come over when we go live,” he says, rocking on his heels. Oh, was this what we were going to do? Act normal? “I don’t think your fans would like that very much,” you laugh awkwardly.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“I mean, or we could always use more members for NCT. Make it twenty,” he jokes and you truly laugh this time. “Yeah, no. I’m holding out until NCT Antarctica.”

“That would be exciting, you could impress everyone with your almost-there-but-not-really split,” he teases, laughing loudly again. There you go being embarrassed again, face burning red. “Shut up.”

“I’m kidding, I certainly can’t do that,” he says. “Gee, that makes me feel better,” you scoff playfully, rolling your eyes. He gasps. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Hey, I hate to say this, but are you ready to go? I’m so knocked.”

Before you can reply Mina is next to you, pressing her body weight onto your side. “Uh, yeah, I’m ready if you are,” you smile to her sympathetically. “Thank the heavens, I could sleep for a year.”

“Mina and ___ are leaving, guys!” Lucas suddenly shouts and everyone breaks into a chorus of ‘aww’s. Ignoring the painfully obvious disappointment, you and Mina say goodbye to each member, offering a hug and quick exchange of appreciative pleasantries.

“What’s your numbers? We’re adding you to a group chat,” Ten says after releasing you from a hug. “What?”

He beams at you and you stutter your number out, Mina doing the same, and watch in complete astonishment as Ten types them into his phone. “Thanks,” he grins again, bringing you into another quick hug. He and Lucas walk the two of you to the door, and when Lucas wraps his arms around your waist after hugging Mina you feel as if you’re literally flying—physically and emotionally—as he lifts your feet up off the ground.

“Bye, ___,” he mumbles after setting you back down. “’Night, Yukhei.”

“Am I still your favorite?”

“Yeah, don’t you worry.”

Forty-eight hours later when you’re in the middle of studying AP Chemistry vocabulary, you receive a text from a number not saved. When you swipe it open, it’s a group chat full of exactly twenty people, and the only name in there is Mina.

Seventy-two hours later you have plans for Saturday night.

Forty-four hours later, you are sitting on the same sofas from last week, watching NCT U practice Boss while the backup dancers give you and Mina the rundown.

You’re nervous. You’ve done this choreography before, basically have it memorized like the back road you take on the way home, but you never did it as a group. The version with just two people was significantly different; plus having to do it with NCT? You would’ve never dreamt of this in a million—trillion—years.

You spent way too much time watching the dance practice on their channel and practicing it with Mina. Both Jaehyun and Win Win were feeling ill, and although the live could have just been pushed back, Taeyong insisted the two of you came and joined in for ‘shits and giggles,’ as Mark texted.

Thankfully it was just a spur-of-the-moment thing and it wouldn't be uploaded anywhere. But it would be live, which meant absolutely zero mistakes.

Mina squeezes your hand when the two of you finally move to the boys and get in your respective positions, the live already started a few minutes ago. “You ready?” Lucas turns around from in front of you, offering a reassuring smile. You nod quickly, swallowing the lump in the back of your throat and focusing on the positives.

Hey, maybe this would help your future career. Being with NCT for the second time may shine some light on you and Mina and could possibly give you major popularity. Nothing but good could come out of this, you tell yourself.

The song starts and your mind completely goes into business mode, your brain remembering twists and turns correctly until you’re following each part spotlessly, especially Jaehyun’s solo part, no matter how awkward it is looking into the phone all to yourself.

And you can’t help but feel as if your pushing yourself harder simply because Lucas is there with you. Sure, you’re scared shitless of messing up, but knowing he might be watching most definitely gives you a push, even if you don't want to admit it.

But you mess up.

It’s minor—incredibly minuscule that no one besides you probably notices it. Your ankle twists in an awkward angle and a searing pain shoots up your Achilles tendon that has you breathless for a moment. You dance through it though, and the song ends before you even know it.

The only sound throughout the large room is the heavy breathing from everyone followed by a joyous cheer. “That was so fun, holy shit. Dancing with a group is so... so empowering,” Mina stammers with her hands on her hips, breath heavy. You simply nod in agreement, your mind too caught up in how much your foot burns. Fuck.

“Showers and pizza, yeah?” Doyoung asks, running a hand through his dampened hair. Everyone nods in silent agreement before splitting up in different directions in search of a free bathroom.

You wobble behind Mina and it doesn't take her long to realize something’s up.

“You're hurt,” she notes, watching the way you limp. “Yeah. It’s fine. I’ll be okay,” you mumble, shooting her a smile and ignoring the rise of her perfectly sculpted right eyebrow.

But it still hurts, even after your shower.

Simply trying to pull your cotton shorts up your leg is an ordeal and you’re left out of breath once you have them on. Instead of heading back to where everyone else is, you wander through the corridors for the kitchen and once you’re there, you open the freezer in search for an icepack.

“Whatcha looking for?” You practically jump out of your skin at Lucas’ sudden appearance, leaning on the counter. “An ice pack,” you grumble, shoving an ice-cream carton out of the way.

“Yo, yo, yo, no need to get aggressive with the Rocky Road, man. What do you need an icepack for?”

“Foot. Ankle. Tendon. That area,” you reply, lifting your foot and pointing to the now swollen area. “Foot-ankle-tendon, that’s new.”

“Shut up,” you laugh, lightly smacking his hand. “Sorry, sorry,” he laughs freely now, the loud, angelic sound filling the room. He scoots you out of the way and continues digging through the freezer until moments later, he comes up with a beloved icepack. You beam at him in appreciation.

“C’mon, follow me,” he says, linking his arm through yours and leading you down a different hallway. Once he opens the door and flicks the light switch on, you realize it’s his and Kun’s room and your mouth slightly falls open. “Sit.”

You do so quietly, watching from his bed as the tall boy rummages through a dresser and seconds later whips out an ace bandage. “I can do that, you know,” you laugh awkwardly, ogling at how his beautiful face scrunches up in concentration as he kneels down and begins to snugly wrap the whole area.

“You can also call me Lucas,” he retorts, pinning the bandage in place and kicking his door closed. Your heart beats faster now. “Oh my God, what’s wrong with calling you Yukhei? Unless you truly don’t like being called that,” you laugh as he plops down beside you and turns the television on. Your heart settles.

“No, I don’t mind. I’m just not used to people I’m not super close with calling me Yukhei,” he admits while flipping through channels. “Oh. I’m being honest, I’ll call you Lucas from now on if you want.”

“I’m teasing, you can call me anytime,” he looks over with a wink, but then his face falls, “wait.”

You genuinely laugh at him this time, watching as he frowns. “How did you forget the whole beginning to that pun?”

“I don’t know. Shut up,” he snickers, then tosses the remote down next to your leg with a huff. He quickly turns to you and you look expectedly at him. “Have you ever played Fortnite?”

You laugh again. “I’ve played mobile but never Xbox or PlayStation,” you admit, watching joyfully as his eyes light up. “Can I show you how to play? We can do duos. We have two TVs, Kun and I usually play together. I mean, only if you want, you don’t have to, but—”

“Yes, I’ll play!” You interrupt, your mouth truly hurting from laughing as the beautiful boy in front of you rambled on. “Really?” He beams.

“Really.”

“Oh my gosh, this is probably the best day ever. I’ve never been able to teach anyone how to play, it’s really so fun, well you said you’ve played before so you know, but still. I feel so bad for all the girlfriends in the world who don’t play and just get annoyed ‘cause they're really missing out, you know? I’m so happy you’re somewhat experienced though, that kind of makes this a little easier. But, ah! This will really be fun,” the tall boy goes on and on, and you simply listen with a smile on your face as he sets up the two screens.

“Oh, gosh, I’m sorry, I got super excited. I promise I’m not that weird,” he chuckles uncomfortably, looking at his feet while the Fortnite screen loads. “Pfft, don’t be sorry. And that wasn’t weird at all; super cute, actually,” you smile, surprising even yourself with your blunt honesty. The pink hue of his cheeks darken and your stomach leaps—you did that!

“Okay, this is just the lobby so I can show you some stuff before it actually starts,” Lucas says, sitting back on his bed and scooting to lay back against the wall. He passes you a PlayStation controller and cups your hands in his. “Okay, this is to move,” he demonstrates and you look up to your screen and back to his fingers.

He goes on and on from explaining the simple goal of the game to shooting, jumping, crouching, and so on, but in all honesty, all you can focus on is his soft hands on yours. Luckily once the game starts you sit in comfortable silence aside from random comments about finding a chest or ‘there’s a shield over here,’ until, alas, there are only twenty people left and you encounter another duo.

The two of you break into a chorus of shouts, warning each other and groaning when you mess up. Your aim isn’t horrific, but definitely not amazing, and you’re wasting ammo terribly. When you have to reload, the opponent shoots you dead and you drop your controller with an annoyed sigh. Seconds later, he dies as well.

“Sorry, that was my fault,” you grumble, wiping your now sweaty hands on your t-shirt. “Don’t worry, eighteenth place isn’t too shabby for your first duo,” he reassures you and sets his controller down.

“Are we going to play another?” You inquire and he raises a thick brow in response. “Do you want to?”

“Um, yeah!”

You play fourteen more rounds, ranging from fiftieth, seventeenth, sixth, and sometimes even fourth place. On your last round, however, Lucas dies and leaves you to battle the last duo.

With a clever jump while reloading, you’re able to quickly kill one player and when the last player hides behind a tree, you find the perfect angle and come in first place.

“Oh my God, we won! You won!” Lucas hoots, shaking you by your shoulders until you’re cheering with him. “Yes, yes, yes!” You shout, grinning ear to ear. “I’m so proud, now you can tell everyone I’m the best Fortnite tutor ever,” he brags, running his hand through his hair and you have to keep yourself from drooling.

You check your phone. 9:47 PM. You’ve been in here for two hours. “I think we’ve played enough for tonight,” he chuckles, turning one television off and switching the other to cable. Now what? Should I leave?

“Holy shit, Zootopia is on,” he suddenly gasps and you look over to see him wide-eyed. “I thought guys weren’t supposed to like stuff like this?”

“We’re not supposed to,” he shrugs, looking over at you with a wide grin, “but I can’t help myself.” You don’t reply and instead sink lower into the mattress, fixing the pillow behind your head in order to get comfier. You keep going back and forth from watching the movie and sneaking glances at Yukhei in his red sweatshirt, hood up and hiding most of his face. Regardless, you can still see strands of his soft hair falling into his eyes and the outline of his lips and begin to feel dizzy by something so incredibly simple but still so breathtaking.

Your eyes begin to grow heavy and burn from the brightness of the television compared to the darkness of the rest of his room and you force yourself to blink hard a few times to keep them from fluttering closed. Don't fall asleep now, he's so close. He was leaning his weight on you, slightly slumping on his side with his arm and thigh pressing against yours and you could feel him breathing.

You blink again, but you don’t open them right away this time just to give them a rest. A few minutes won’t hurt, right?

You quickly fall asleep to Nick Wilde telling Officer Judy Hopps that she needs to give him that pen.

Warmth.

That’s exactly what you wake up to—you can feel warm sunlight dancing on your bare arm and face as it shines shamelessly through the curtains, the white duvet tucked up to your neck engulfs you like a hug, and overall warmth surrounds you on this lovely morning.

Never getting up, you think to yourself, or maybe you even grumble it, you don’t know. You sigh softly and curl your arms and legs tighter around your body pillow, pressing your face against it and breathing in the familiar scent—

Wait.

You inhale deeply again. Sandalwood and peppermint.

Sandalwood and peppermint?

Your eyes are open in a millisecond, but you quickly squeeze them shut in fear of that what you think you saw isn't what’s actually there. You force yourself to peel an eye open again and nearly vomit at how breathtaking the view before you is.

“Yukhei,” you finally breath, barely audible, testing to see if he was up. He doesn’t budge or flinch or sigh—nothing. He stays asleep, his breath softly fanning over your chest from where he lies. The same soothing sunlight warming your skin makes his honey skin gold, and his eyelashes cast soft shadows across his cheekbones while his lips are just so pouty you aren't even thinking when your hand leaves his side to trace his Cupid’s bow.

If your phone was in reach you’d take a picture right then and there and selfishly keep it to yourself, something no one else could have because it’s your memory to keep. But you can’t seem to move. Instead, you stay still, memorizing every plane and curve of his face because you know nothing will ever be as ethereal as what you see right now.

One, five, ten minutes later, you have no idea nor do you care, you realize you should leave. This wasn't right, as much as you hated to admit it. Your heart was completely on the line here and you weren't prepared to be utterly heartbroken in the long run.

You start to shift, slowly, barely an inch at a time, further from the comforting warmth radiating off his body. You’re closer to the window now, and once you detach his remaining hand, you can easily lean up and make your escape.

You shakily reach for his long fingers spread across the small of your back and gently slide it off and lay it on his pillow.

Yukhei groans into his soft pillow and you freeze, hoping he’ll just turn away but no—both hands come back this time, reaching for your body. And once they find your waist you’re being pulled back even closer now.

He sighs against your collarbone and you start to melt. “Don't go. You’re so warm,” he breathes, turning his face so that his cheek lies flat on the center of your chest. “I think I should.”

“No, shut up,” he mumbles back, completely locking his muscular arms around your back.

You huff in defeat and rest your hands around his shoulders. He seems to already be back asleep, so you absentmindedly run your fingers through his hair you've been dying to touch and practically cry when he hums in response. So you continue to, gently scratching his scalp and untangling the ends until he's softly snoring against your collarbone once more.

Your heart genuinely aches—you can feel it in your chest, months and weeks and days and hours of adoration for the boy clinging to you swelling from inside and out and you cannot comprehend that you're even here with him. What did this mean? Friends who have only met twice and randomly texted throughout a single week did not share a bed, let alone spend the morning like this.

You sigh, mainly out of guilt but also sadness—you wanted to wake up like this every morning, stay up every day the way you had, fall asleep with him beside you every night. But would it happen? It was incredibly unlikely and you wanted to sob.

You huff again, pushing your thoughts into another corner of your brain and deciding to just relish in the moment now. You wiggle further down until finally, you’re face to face with perfection himself, his nose just barely brushing your own.

You close your eyes again, hoping maybe you’d fall back asleep and when you wake up again he wouldn’t be there anymore.

“I knew you wouldn’t leave.”

Your eyes are open in a flash, widening at his words and at the fact his own were staring at you intently. “Only because you asked. And you’re very comfy,” you admit, hoping he wouldn’t see right through you. “So I’ve been told.”

“Oh, yeah? By who?” You can't help but ask, not only were you curious but you genuinely wanted to hear his raspy morning voice again. “Oh, you know...” He trails off, and you’re not aware of his hands on your waist until they start tapping against your skin.

“Jungwoo?”

“Yeah, Jungwoo,” he breathes, nuzzling his face back into the crook of your neck and you can’t help but notice that he inhales deeply. “You alright?” You ask gingerly, placing your free hand back on his head and playing with an oddly darker strand of hair.

“Mhm,” he hums against your skin, “comfy. And you smell good.”

Your heart jumps over hurdles at his words and you’re so entirely grateful that he can't see the way your cheeks burn. You stare at the wall for the next few minutes in silence, your mind blank until he starts to breathe heavily and you can only assume he’s fallen asleep once more.

You must have fallen back asleep as well because when you open your eyes again the tall boy isn’t next to you, but sitting on the edge of the bed and prodding you awake. And by prodding, you mean attacking your sides and tickling you until your mind registers the dull pain.

“Stop, stop, stop!” You cry, leaning up and tearing his hands away. “I’m up, I’m up. Jesus,” you hiss, leaning against the wall and smoothing your hair.

He’s grinning so big you fear his face might break. “Sorry, you wouldn’t wake up so I had to do it the hard way,” he laughs.

“Did you try saying my name?”

“Yeah.”

“Poking me?”

“Yep.”

“Oh,” you sigh, “sorry. I guess I was really knocked.” He laughs. “Don’t worry about it. I would’ve let you just stay there all day but your phone was blowing up,” he explains, standing up and stretching. He’s already dressed, so when you check the time you aren't surprised to see that it’s noon.

Mina has texted you nineteen times. Some are from last night simply asking where you were, then calling you out for leaving her alone with Jeno, followed by texts from this morning calling you ‘such a thot and you know why’ and ending with something along the lines of ‘Taeyong isn’t my bias anymore;)’ and you’re laughing.

“What?” Lucas asks and you just show him, watching his expression grow until he’s laughing too. “I feel bad, I stole you from her,” he chuckles, running a hand through his hair. How were you supposed to reply to that? “That’s okay, she’s left me all by myself at parties plenty of times, this isn’t a big deal.” You notice the way his face falls but brush it off when he smiles softly and sits down beside you. “Good. How’s the foot feel?”

“Uh, better, I think. I haven’t walked it yet so I’m not sure.”

Goosebumps rise along your limbs the second he reaches for the white blanket and his knuckles brush your skin and you just pray he doesn’t notice. You watch silently as he unwraps the bandage and presses the skin around your ankle. “Well, it’s not nearly as swollen so that should be a good sign, right?”

“I suppose so,” you laugh, twisting your ankle in his gentle hold. Luckily there’s no major pain so you shimmy off the bed (as much as you don’t want to) and stand up, testing your weight as he watches on. “I think it’ll be okay.”

“Phew, thank Jesus,” he smiles, getting up as well and swinging the door open. “There’s still some leftovers from breakfast if you want some,” Lucas says as you walk down the corridor to the kitchen. Jisung and Haechan pass you on the way and when they wiggle their eyebrows, all you do is smile and look down at your feet.

“Breakfast sounds amazing.”

When you enter the kitchen only Mina and Jeno are in there, sitting on high top chairs at the counter. Mina sees you first and her eyes light up. “___! Look who decided to wake up!”

“Sorry,” you laugh, “I was super tired I suppose.”

“Mhm, I wonder why,” Jeno smirks and your mouth falls open. “NO!” You and Lucas shout at the same time and Mina and Jeno break into a fit of giggles. “We played Fortnite all night. And watched Zootopia,” you grumble, smiling appreciatively when Lucas passes you a plate.

“Is Fortnite a new code for f—”

Lucas glares at Jeno angrily and he quickly shuts up, turning to Mina with a grin. “When did that happen?” You scoff, pointing between them. If they were going to play like that, so would you.

“Well, when you two disappeared she was all alone so we hung out and even practiced Go,” Jeno retorts back. You roll your eyes in defeat and hold your plate out as Lucas spoons what’s left of scrambled eggs and toast on your plate. “Thank you,” you beam at him.

You eat in relative silence except for the occasional snicker when Lucas leans over to show you a meme on his phone. After helping to clean up, you and Mina finally deem that it’s time to leave and say goodbye to whoever is out and about in the dorms.

You find yourself wrapped in Lucas’ muscular arms once again and you can't help but feel at home in his warm embrace. Discreetly as possible, you scrunch his sweatshirt in your palms and breath in his alluring scent, praying, hoping that this won't be the last time you’ll ever be so close. “Text me, okay?” He mumbles in your hair.

“Yeah, sounds good,” you smile, finally pulling away from his hold.

And so you do. You’re lying in bed, fresh out of the shower on Tuesday night with all homework complete and Mina on FaceTime.

“Jesus Christ ___, just send it. You slept in the same bed for crying out loud,” she hisses and your face flushes at the recent memory. “Okay, okay. I’m sending it.”

9:53 PM - To Lucas: hey yukhei!!

“Oh gosh, I sent it,” you gasp, tossing your phone onto the floor and smacking your face. Mina looks at you with a raised eyebrow from the screen of your laptop. “I have to tell you something.”

Now, this makes you look up, completely forgetting about the text. “I hate that sentence,” you say, but luckily she doesn't seem too fazed. “No, it’s not bad. Well, kind of. I don’t know,” she sighs, worrying you, “remember when I texted you saying Taeyong isn’t my bias anymore?”

“I’m guessing you weren't just joking around?” You ask slowly.

“I wish. Well, when me and Jeno were hanging out all night I hadn't really realized until he was talking all philosophical to me just how cute he was. And once I did, I noticed how hardcore he was flirting,” she rambles, never looking directly at the camera, “so while you were sleeping in the same bed as Lucas I was, you know, flirting back, and we uh—we kissed. And then he apologized for rushing and I said that I was sorry too and, well, now we’re going on a date tomorrow!”

Your mouth falls open. Mina and Jeno? “I—wow. I don't know what to say,” you laugh, “that’s amazing!”

“You think so?” She’s beaming like a little girl on Christmas morning now. “Yes! While Taeyong is a god, he’s way too old for you while Jeno is our age. Plus, he’s a sweetie so I support.”

“Oh, gosh. He’s such an angel. He’s so adorable and so funny but if he thinks a joke is rude he always apologizes and God, he’s so sweet,” she goes on and you can't help but smile for her. Your phone dings from the floor and Mina stops to smirk at you. “That might be him!”

You squeal, leaning off your bed and picking up your phone.

9:57 PM - To You: Hello ___ !!!

“Oh my God, he replied,” you squeak excitedly, bouncing excitedly. “Yes!” Mina shouts and you can’t help but laugh. “Ask him how he is.”

9:58 PM - To Lucas: how are youuuu

“So yeah, I guess we’re going to have to double date now,” she giggles and if she was next to you, you would have smacked her. “I don’t want to mess this up, you know? It’s still so unreal to me,” you sigh.

“I mean, you’re already pretty good friends with him and you had a major snuggle session, plus I think you’re both whipped and should just marry now,” Mina says and you laugh at her honesty. “Ah, yes. Marriage is always the answer.

10:01 PM - To You: Im doing better now, how are u?:))

You can’t help but squeal again. “Anyway, I’m going to go. I still have to do these god-forsaken note cards,” she sighs, waving her blank cards dramatically, “have fun talking to your boyfriend. Text me if anything juicy happens.”

“Okay, I will. Goodnight sweaty, love you.”

“Love you too shithead,” she giggles before hanging up and you close your laptop to finally head to bed. Or, lie in bed while on your phone.

10:03 PM - To Lucas: im swell. school SUX tho

10:03 PM - To You: Aww I’m sorry, is something wrong?

10:04 PM - To Lucas: no, i just want to be out of there and live my life u kno?

10:04 PM- To You: Yeah, I understand:(

10:04 PM - To You: I have a question

10:05 PM - To Lucas: sure

10:05 PM - To You: Is my bed comfier than urs

The butterflies in your stomach are becoming painful now, stirring such emotions within you that you feel as if you might just explode. You’re grinning like an idiot, too, typing back quickly just so the conversation doesn’t die.

10:06 PM - To Lucas: it depends. theres a few factors that could change my answer

10:06 PM - To You: Such as?

10:06 PM - To Lucas: whether you would be there or not

You have to bite your lip to hold back another squeal of excitement. Where did this confidence come from and how did you just say that? You can’t believe you actually texted it and hope it’s as smooth as it sounded in your head. You could only pray he would flirt back.

10:07 PM - To You: Idk how to reply back smoothly but I hope u know Im smiling like a dork rn and Kun is making fun of me

10:07 PM - To You: How do you do that???

10:08 PM - To Lucas: <33

10:08 PM - To Lucas: do what?

10:09 PM - To You: Everything you say or do makes me smile. And idk why like even when u told me to shut up I couldn't stop grinning. Or when you pretend to be disinterested and lie so I can't see how u actually feel. It makes me smile and I feel weird when Im around u

You can't breathe at his text. Your head is spinning and you have to read it three times to actually comprehend that Wong Yukhei sent that to you.

10:10 PM - To Lucas: i could say the same ab you. you make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside

10:10 PM - To Lucas: gosh, was that too much? sorry

10:11 PM - To Lucas: sorry for always being a mess around u. u still make me nervous

10:11 PM - To You: Yeah. Me too

10:11 PM - To Lucas: really?? u hide it really well

10:12 PM - To You: Yeah man. U make me really anxious. In a good way. I know you won't but I always get scared you'll think im a weirdo

10:12 PM - To Lucas: i could never

10:13 PM - To You: I don't know how to end this conversation now Im too happy but Im super tired and I have practice tmrw

10:13 PM - To Lucas: hm. well. how bout one of us says goodnight and then the other says it back ?

10:14 PM - To You: Clever

10:14 PM - To You: Goodnight ___💗💗

10:14 PM - To Lucas: gnight lucas❤️

You don't fall asleep for another half an hour, your mind buzzing with excitement and affection for the boy who still is your lock screen.

Saturday evening Ten calls you. “___!” He shouts, nearly deafening you.

“Hello!” You shout back.

“I know it’s last minute but I have an invitation for you and Mina,” he’s still talking excessively loud but you find yourself not minding but just grinning at his clear excitement. “Ooh, an invitation for what?”

“If I’m being honest, an invitation for a terrible hangover and quite possibly things you’ll regret. But no, seriously, a friend of Johnny’s friend is having a big ol’ party in his disgustingly large frat house for the end of the semester and it’s open invite. So,” Ten explains, “some of us are going and thought, ‘Hey! Let’s invite our bestest pals Mina and ___!’”

A frat house? A party in a frat house? This would be a precursor to every party ahead of you if you do in fact go to college.

“We’ll be there.”

You should have mentally prepared yourself for this kind of party. You aren’t a very big high school party-goer to begin with, so when you entered the large house with Mina at your side you couldn't get over the sheer magnitude of it all.

Everything was extra—from the extravagant chandeliers and metal railing along the marble stairs to the large rooms seemingly bigger than your own home, to the swarm of sweaty students bouncing to the incredibly loud music, and even to the amount of liquor on counters and tables and the intense smell of hormones.

It was quite suffocating at first and you found yourself clinging to Mina, the extrovert between the two of you, and followed her around like a puppy. Eventually, you warm up after two drinks she passes to you, starting to feel more relaxed in Mina’s navy bodycon dress she forced upon you.

“I think I see Jaehyun!” She shouts in your ear even though you can hear completely fine. You watch against the counter as she jumps up and down like an idiot, waving her arm to catch his attention.

You’re even more surprised when it works. You can tell the gears are short-circuiting in his brain until recognition finally lights up his features and he smiles brightly. He turns for a moment, but then looks back and waves you over.

“Oh, sweet Jesus,” you sigh, downing your fourth shot in a weak attempt to wash all your insecurities away. You slowly follow behind Mina, hopping along to take your heels off so you don't end up embarrassing yourself.

“I didn’t know you guys were here yet!” Is the first thing you hear and it’s Yuta, standing up and grinning beautifully before enveloping you in a hug.

“Surprise?” You draw out once he pulls away.

“C’mon, everyone’s downstairs,” he continues, intertwining his fingers with yours and leading you through the crowd. “Who’s everyone?” You ask on your descent down the steps. “Ugh, well. Me, of course. Taeil, Johnny, Tae, uh...” he trails off, “everyone but Dream members.”

You want to ask if Lucas was there, of course, but you also don’t want to seem clingy and instead kept your mouth shut. After all, you had been texting quite a lot and he never mentioned if he was going tonight. Poor Mina, you think, Jeno won’t be here and their date went well.

“God, he’s already staring and we just got down here,” Yuta mutters, and it takes you way too long to process what he means. “Who?”

“Yukhei. He hasn't stopped talking about you since last week, and now you’re here when he’s been drinking? You’re in for a ride,” Yuta explains as you near the group, but you already feel the anxiety blooming inside your gut. “What does that mean? What do I do?” You hiss, walking slower now.

“I dunno. That’s something you gotta figure out,” he says with a shrug, tapping your forehead with his free hand. You swallow the lump in your throat and just nod, your head suddenly throbbing and you’re not sure if it’s from the soju or what Yuta just told you. Or the fact that Yukhei looks like a whole meal and he’s staring at you just the same way.

Your stomach flips as he scans you head to toe and back again, from your bare legs, up to where the navy lace stops at the expanse of your thighs, to the way the dark material hugs deliciously at your waist and dips sinfully to reveal cleavage that could give a nun a heart attack.

And you can't take your eyes off him. Why did he always have to look so... so good? He could wear a trash bag and still look like a model.

He’s in regular denim skinny jeans that, although he’s sitting, show off his thick thighs and leave absolutely nothing to the imagination. The white, long sleeve tee he’s wearing has a low collar and you can see his collarbones and the way his Adam’s apple bobs. His fluffy hair is messily parted down the middle to show off his forehead and his eyes are so dark you feel as if you suddenly can't breathe oxygen and can only survive off him.

You don’t know how long you’re staring at him until Mina accidentally bumps into you on her way to sit down on the carpet, shaking you from your thoughts. “You good?” You ask each other at the same time. She laughs obnoxiously, the alcohol in her system already in effect.

“I’m good, but are you good?” She asks knowingly, twitching her head in the direction you were just entranced by. “Yeah, just peachy.”

You don't know if you really are good, but what you do know is that that was the hottest checking out experience you had ever shared and can't shake the feeling of excitement setting fire to your nerves.

“C’mon, sit. I’ll get you a drink?” Yuta speaks up again, finally letting go of your hand and moving it to your back to walk you over to an open spot on the couch. “Um, yeah. Sure,” you smile, trying to brush away the feeling that Lucas is still staring, “thank you.”

He only beams back in return before he’s off, and you’re left sitting between Taeil and Kun. “How’s the party so far?” Taeil shouts from beside you and you’re fairly surprised that he initiates small talk, considering you haven’t spoken with him much. “I don’t know, to be honest,” you answer, realizing your throat is going to be dead by the end of the night with how you have to shout, “I’ve only been here like, fifteen minutes. And I’ve never been to a place so big!”

“Really?” He asks, clearly surprised.

“Yeah, not really a party person. High school parties are always in smelly basements and all there is is cringey rounds of truth or dare, spin the bottle, or seven minutes of heaven.”

“Still happens in grown-up parties, sorry to tell you,” he laughs, pausing to take a sip of whatever’s in his cup, “it’s okay though, it’s always fun no matter what we do.”

“I can tell. Except I feel like I’m going to go deaf,” you exaggerate, spinning to look at the monstrous speaker on the wall. “At least they play good music,” Taeil replies and you shrug, “I guess. It’s probably better when your dancing, though,” you say, turning back to him.

Yuta returns moments after that, holding out a cup and you take it and smile appreciatively. When you take a sip, you practically choke on how strong it is but swallow it anyway with a grimace. Once the burn goes away you take another sip and deem it’s not as bad as you initially thought.

“Jesus, slow down before you give him a heart attack,” Kun hisses in your ear, and you glance at him with widened eyes. “Who? And what about me? What if I have a heart attack?” You joke.

“I swear you’re clueless, but I’m hoping that it’s just alcohol shutting down your brain,” he sighs in defeat, “Lucas, of course. He looks away for one second and then when he turns back you’re doing something that surprises him.”

You roll your eyes. “What, am I not allowed to drink?”

“Well, you are underage. But no, seriously. I can tell he thinks it’s hot. Plus, I can practically smell his jealousness from here,” Kun replies, side glancing for barely a second before looking back at you. “You should have seen him when you walked down holding Yuta’s hand.”

You swallow, suddenly feeling guilty.

“Don’t worry about it, he’s not one to stay pissed. He’s obsessed with you already,” Kun smiles, but hides it by taking a sip from his cup, “but hey, next time you sleepover, warn me? Please? I walked into our bedroom the other night and nearly shit myself when I saw you wrapped around him.”

“Sorry, I probably would’ve shit myself too,” you giggle and when something moves out of the corner of your eye, you frown to see Lucas walking away. “He’s getting away,” Kun sings and you look back to him in a panic. “If I follow him I don’t know what could happen,” you sigh honestly.

Of course, you want to go after him just to talk to him privately, but Lord knows what could happen when you have liquor in your system.

“Bullshit! Don’t let that stop you,” Kun smiles, slipping his hands to your back and shoving you to your feet. You sigh, finally standing up and chugging the rest of your drink. “Do I look alright?”

“You look stunning, stop worrying. He went upstairs, probably to piss. Go get ‘em, tiger,” he replies, and you smile and lean back down to squeeze him in a hug. “Thank you,” you whisper, and then you’re off.

You don’t know if it’s the sudden buzz in your brain or not, but going up two flights of stairs leaves you way too winded and dizzy then it normally does. You lean against the wall to catch some air while scanning over the crowd from a higher view. C’mon, where are you?

“___?”

You practically jump out of your skin when he says your name and slides his hands around your waist, tugging you around to face him. “Ha. Hi Yukhei. I was just looking for you,” you gulp, suddenly losing brain cells with him being so close again.

“You were?”

“Yeah, I thought we could, um, catch up. Or something,” you chuckle awkwardly, mentally slapping yourself for being so nervous again.

“Actually, I have something to tell you,” he suddenly says, standing taller and you feel so small when he does that. “You do?” You squeak, afraid it would be something terribly disappointing or terribly heartwarming.

“Yeah, c’mon,” he says, reaching for your hand and guiding you to an open door. Luckily it’s not a spare bedroom but just the bathroom and you can’t help but sigh in relief once he’s locked the door and flicked the light switch up.

“So, we recently had a meeting with our managers and stuff,” he starts, and you can’t help the quiet ‘oh’ that slips from your lips. That was not what you thought he would be talking about.

“What?” He stops, a look of worry crossing his face.

“Oh, oh. It’s nothing. I was just, ugh,” you pause, racking your brain to say the right thing, “expecting you to say something else.”

“I’ll get there in a bit, don’t worry,” he smiles softly, bumping into you until you’re pressed against the sink and straining to look directly up at him now, “just listen to this first, yeah?”

You nod quickly, your throat completely dry and brain on fire with his body so flush against your own. “Anyway, we were talking about backup dancers, for the most part. And it occurred to me that we don’t have any female backup dancers. So I asked why and they kind of just... ‘I don’t know’ed it, you know?” He explains, and you genuinely have zero clue where this is going. You nod anyway.

“So Taeyong asked what they thought about hiring some female backup dancers. Like, long-term jobs, not just a one-song-and-done. And they kind of did a little manager huddle and said why not and to let them know of anyone we know so they can do auditions and stuff,” he goes on, and by now you can’t think straight. He hasn’t said it yet, but what if?

“We all thought the same thing, but I said it first and, so, I told them about these two girls I know and how talented they are and how, well, sweet and smart and genuinely amazing they are. And pretty, but that’s beside the point. So I showed them some videos and stuff. Anyway, that’s not important,” he pauses to lick his plump lips, looking at you directly now, “and so they said that if you and Mina came in and auditioned it would be a delight to have you on the team. If you want, of course.”

You don’t know what to say, do, or think. You’re hyper-aware of his large hands cupping your face, index fingers rubbing soft circles beneath your ears but also still have the weight of what he just said sinking into your brain. You don’t know whether it’s the alcohol or simply shock but no words come out, your lips staying parted in complete and utter surprise at such a bombshell.

“I don't—I can’t,” you stammer, shaking hands gripping his shirt to steady yourself, “thank you. Fuck. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Holy shit. Oh my God. I don’t know what to say, holy fucking shit.”

You’re breathless, slumped against the granite and nearly pulling the lanky boy down with you. “I have more to say,” he says, quieter this time. You gulp, eyes searching his face. Still, you can’t comprehend anything besides you and Mina may have just fallen into one of the best opportunities of your life.

“Okay,” he sighs softly, his large hands still cradling your face. “My first thought last weekend when I woke up with you beside me was ‘Fuck, what did I just get myself into?’ but when you said something about never getting up and whispered my name in that scared little voice I nearly lost it,” he goes on, eventually looking away from your face and fiddling with the lace material on the neckline of your dress. He suddenly looked incredibly innocent and you wanted nothing more than to hold him once more.

“And then you didn’t leave, even though I know you wanted to. But it suddenly felt so right, you know? Like everything that had happened that night ended with such a perfect morning,” he sighs, glancing up for a second to check how you were taking it all so far. When you offer him a warm smile, heart beating wildly against your chest, he returns it with pink blush adorning his cheeks.

“I thought you felt it too, but then later when I woke you up you had said it wasn’t a big deal, and I was so sad because I thought it was. I mean, how often do you play fifteen rounds of Fortnite, share the same bed, and wake up cuddling with someone you don’t have feelings for? And then I got even more confused when you texted me during the week, and fuck, everything you said had me smiling at my phone and Kun was making fun of me,” Lucas goes on, never stopping to breath until now.

“So, my question is, what are you thinking? Because I know I was your bias, or whatever the heck you guys call it before we met, and you still act nervous around me. And those texts and even this is not something just friends do. And you look so damn kissable right now, and while I want nothing more than to kiss you, I won’t in case that’s not what you want,” he finishes, his voice noticeably lowering as he tentatively leaned closer, his face and nose and lips only mere centimeters away.

You swallow once more, finally letting the reality of his words hit you. You swipe your tongue over your lips once, just in case, and he glances down just in time to catch it.

And that’s it.

He quickly surges forward, and the cord holding you together suddenly snaps when his lips are finally on yours. It’s like a breath of fresh air on the first day of spring, filling you to the brim with new life and you can't get enough. You both are doing nothing but everything at the same time, hands not knowing where to go but stinging skin in their wake. His lips make it impeccably wet and messy, teeth and tongue, but you don’t care, and your hands finally find the collar of his shirt and yank him to come closer, allowing his tongue to finally swirl with yours and you feel as if you’re drowning in him and the way he tastes and feels. It’s like sunlight in the morning, washing over your skin until it’s warmed all the way to your very being.

After what feels like an eternity you pull away, your head swimming with the fact he just kissed you. He leans back, breathless but seemingly more alert now, blunt fingernails digging into your bare thighs. His eyes scan your face again, searching for any trace of regret and when he finds none he comes back for more, kissing you softer this time. It’s so raw that it hurts, adoration and admiration flowing from the depths of your heart and you can’t fight it anymore.

You’re practically limp against him when his warm lips move from your lips to your jaw, down the column of your throat and to your bare chest. “God,” he breathes, moving back up to suck the delicate skin on the side of your neck between his teeth before going back with his tongue to sooth the pleasant pain, “I didn’t know if I’d be able to wait any longer to kiss you.”

Your head lolls to side as he continues his ministrations against your throat, completely lost in his touch. Your grip on his shirt finally slackens and you finally find the confidence to slide your hands under the fabric, leaning into him so you can further trace the expanse of his torso.

“Stop,” he suddenly hisses, pulling away to grab your wrist, “you’re going to give me a terrible boner and I’m not fucking you in this dingy house.”

His words made your stomach squirm even at the possibility and he clearly notices, lips quickly finding yours and hands holding your waist once more. You’re almost too busy trying to slip your tongue within the confines of his mouth to notice his right hand slowly descend until it’s resting between your thighs, pushing them apart and you gasp into his mouth.

You feel his mouth quirk into a sly smirk and can’t help but smile too, that is until his fingers slip past the hem of your dress and brush against the cotton of your underwear.

He breaks away and laughs at you when you whimper at the loss of contact. “Don’t frown,” he mumbles, keeping eye contact even as his fingers drag agonizingly slow along your clothed folds and it’s the most sensual thing you might ever experience.

A loud knock on the door quickly interrupts your faintest of moans and you suddenly feel incredibly exposed. “I swear to God, if you two don’t get out of there soon, we’re leaving without you. We’re going home, they ran out of Malibu and that’s apparently the only thing Jaehyun likes!”

You swallow, looking away from the door and back to the panting boy leaning on you, irises blown out and lips pink and plump.

“Do you want to have another sleepover?” He asks quietly and you can’t fight the smile that tugs at your lips.

"Oh my God,” you wake up with a low groan escaping your lips, a headache throbbing painfully in the refines of your skull as soon as you gain consciousness. Is this what a hangover felt like? You sigh, squeezing your eyes to shut out the sunlight. You turn away from that direction only to not-so-gracefully bump into something.

By the entanglement of limbs and bare skin pressed flush against yours, you can only assume something is actually someone and everything from last night crashes back, your headache increasing tenfold. Your eyes are open in a flash, not because you're scared or regretful, but just to make sure you were correct. And safe, not in some stranger’s bed.

Just like last week, Wong Yukhei is beside you, cheeks flushed pink against his warm honey skin and lips pouty as always. Except, this time, he’s awake, lying on his side and staring at you with wide eyes full of something you could only pinpoint as adoration.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” he replies, and not until now do you notice his hand on your very, very bare hip. “Do you want something for your headache?” He asks, voice low before leaning inches closer and pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead. “Yeah, but I can wait—”

You don’t get to finish because he’s already rolling out of bed, taking most of the sheets off of you and you’re left completely naked, forcing you to grasp for the white duvet crumpled at your feet to cover your body.

Except, not that it matters, because he’s incredibly naked too, and you’re amazed at how tall he is when he’s like this, no matter the circumstances. You quickly look away in fear he’d catch you staring, a blush working its way up your cheeks as you suddenly become aware of the pleasantly dull ache throbbing in your abdomen.

He’s back at your side moments later, this time with pineapple print boxers on, holding out a half-full water bottle and two Advil’s. “Thanks,” you sigh, swallowing them quickly.

“This wasn’t just a one and done thing, right?” He asks suddenly, and you look up at him where he’s leaned against his dresser, fingers tapping the edge. You could quite literally cut the tension between the two of you and suddenly want nothing more than going back to sleeping in his arms.

“No! No, I hope not. I mean, unless you want it to, in that case, I’ll go n—”

“No, please don’t go! I just wanted to make sure, in case... in case I completely misread this whole situation,” he sighs in relief, finally moving away from his dresser and rolling back into bed beside you. “Did you mean everything you said last night?” You say quietly once he’s settled and pulled you back against him.

“Of course.”

“Okay,” you let out a sigh of relief, reaching up to play with a strand of his caramel hair. “I’m sorry, too. For when I said this wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t realize that you—you felt something. For me. Which is dumb, because it was kind of obvious. But it’s kind of scary assuming things when it comes to someone who didn't know who you were when you’ve been in love with them for months,” you talk absentmindedly now, not realizing the words are spilling out of your mouth until they’re already out. After all, you were a NCTzen before any of this and there was no way to avoid that when it came to your love for not only him, but the rest of the group.

“I knew who you were,” he laughs above you and you glance up in confusion, quirking an eyebrow. “One of your videos came up on my recommended one day and I was kind of obsessed with you guys since,” he admits and it’s by far the cutest thing you have ever seen.

“No way.”

“I swear on my life,” he grins brightly, wrapping his muscular arms around your back and pulling you up beside him so you were face-to-face. It’s quiet again, and you find yourself once again tracing the outline of his face; his defined eyebrows, big doe eyes, his cheekbones, his chin, his lips—everything.

“What now?”

“Well, we probably should have gone on a few dates first and fallen in love, even though I’m already full of adoration for you already, and then I would’ve asked you to be my girlfriend and then we would’ve had mind-blowing sex. But we kind of went backward and already had the mind-blowing sex, so how about grabbing lunch as our first date? I mean, even though you’re a younger girl.”

You’re grinning like an idiot now and can’t help but kiss him. It’s soft and gentle and sweet and makes everything inside of you warm and fuzzy only because it’s him.

“Okay, I like the sound of that,” you whisper against him, kissing his cheeks, his nose, his forehead and finally his velvety lips again, “only because I’m full of adoration for you too.”

After all, Wong Yukhei was the warmth you so desperately craved for and needed in your life.

294 notes · View notes

postedbygaslight · 6 years

Text

You’ll Be the One to Turn - Part 12: The Pilot

And here he is, everyone’s favorite “best pilot in the Resistance,” Mr. Poe Dameron:

“But, sir! If the load lifters’ binary language circuits aren’t reset to the default dialect, they’ll continue to deliver their loads to the wrong entrances! It would present a serious supply chain interruption and Princess Leia will—“

“Hey! That’s a great idea! You should take this to Leia.”

“But, General, the princess is no longer—“

“Threepio, if you don’t stop talking to me about the damn load lifters, I’m going to kill myself.”

“Well, I never! I’m only ever trying to be of help, the nerve of some people,” Threepio trailed off as he clattered off down the corridor.

Poe Dameron didn’t watch the droid leave; it was easy enough to know what Threepio was chattering about as he disappeared down the hall: a litany of self-pity, imagined slights, and decades of grievances. Why droids were programmed with such irritating idiosyncrasies, Poe would never understand. But maybe that was the point. Maybe droids needed to be more human to keep from making mistakes.

Poe returned his attention to the reports he had been scanning when Threepio came banging his way into the command center, yammering about obscure machine languages. He reviewed them one by one, each telling a similar story: encouraging signs of unrest against the First Order, but little enthusiasm for organized rebellion.

Each of the documents took far longer to digest and approve than he cared for. Being in command was all he’d ever wanted, having grown up on Yavin IV in the company of Alliance war heroes. But the reality of leading was less attractive than its billing. Most days, Poe wished he could just pass off command to someone else so he could go back to piloting an X-Wing full time. Though, he thought, if he was still just a pilot, he’d probably be chafing under command decisions he didn’t agree with, and the cycle would continue.

His job, as it was, had taken unexpected turns over the previous months. Leia had passed command to him much sooner than he would have expected. And the fight he’d expected to be leading was nothing like he’d envisioned. The First Order was no longer as constant a presence in the core systems as they’d been even a month before, and their troop deployments were more scattershot than was typical. It made Poe nervous. The conflict should be escalating. Instead, it seemed like the First Order was in the midst of a controlled retreat.

But it wasn’t like the Resistance was ready for a showdown. The fleet was nowhere near fighting form, constituted primarily of decommissioned Imperial ships, half-junked freighters, two dozen X-Wings of somewhat dubious flight readiness, and ancillary vessels that lacked a cruiser to support. Worse than that, the First Order had been broadcasting to the galaxy that the Battle of Crait had been a total victory, and that the Resistance had been wiped out.

It was a development neither Poe nor Leia had anticipated. Like the Empire, the First Order didn’t typically suffer any kind of defiance, regardless of its size. But since Crait, Poe felt like he was leading a movement in search of a cause. They took every precaution to makes sure they weren’t discovered— Vedic III was chosen precisely because it would be hard to find— but Poe couldn’t shake the feeling that their enemies weren’t even looking for them. And that troubled him more than relentless pursuit.

As he looked around the command center, Poe considered that the First Order might have a point: it was almost like they didn’t exist. What had been a small, but capable fleet had been utterly destroyed after Crait. A private army of two thousand, well funded, with connections in the New Republic, the Resistance had been a serious threat to First Order operations. But, more than that, it had been something Snoke couldn’t afford to ignore because of one very important distinction: it was led by the sister of Luke Skywalker. The last of the Jedi.

Now Luke was dead. And instead of two thousand, the Resistance barely numbered two hundred. And whatever support was coming, it was coming because of the story of Luke facing down the First Order alone, giving his life for the cause, and, crucially, leaving behind an heir to his powers and teachings. And the girl who was meant to be the symbol of their fight might have died in the training yard yesterday. It was a problem he couldn’t afford to ignore any longer.

“Lieutenant,” Poe called across the room, “has anyone seen Rey?”

Lieutenant Connix looked up from her terminal as though she’d been startled awake.

“Uhm,” she started, glancing around, “I think I heard someone say she was going to see Leia.”

“How long ago was that?”

“I don’t know, sir.”

Poe squinted and pinched the bridge of his nose. He glanced back at the last report he’d read, and an idea suddenly flashed through his mind.

“Hey, Connix, come here a second.”

The young officer, who still kept her hair in tight buns on either side of her head, stood up from her terminal and crossed to where Poe was sitting.

“Yes, General?”

“Cut it with the ‘General’ stuff. It’s me. Poe,” he said with a smile, motioning for her to sit.

“Sorry,” she stuttered, sitting in the chair next to him. “I’ll try to remember, sir— uh, I mean, Poe.”

“We intercepted a coded message on the First Order’s emergency channel. Normally, I wouldn’t be too interested, but this one was picked up immediately by high command.”

Connix crinkled her nose. “That is odd.”

Poe leaned forward, his elbows on his knees.

“Yeah. It is. I don’t like it. The First Order codex. Didn’t we keep a record of when D.J. hacked it?”

“Sir, that codex changes hourly. Er, uh, Poe. I meant Poe.”

“But we could use the record as a road map to hack it again.”

“That’s,” Connix began, nervously fidgeting with her hands, “not really how it works. Or, maybe it does, but not the way you’re thinking.”

“So you can’t do it.”

“I didn’t say— I could maybe—“

“Kaydel,” he said, getting her attention.

“What did you call me?”

“Your name. Kaydel.”

Connix stopped fidgeting.

“I know you can do this. I believe in you.”

“A-all right. General. I mean, sir. I mean— damn it.”

Poe gave her a warm smile, and then turned back to his terminal. He was about to power down and head out to the tarmac when he saw Rey through the windows of the command center, passing down the hall from Leia’s room.

“Rey!” he yelled.

She stopped, and looked at him through the window. Poe got up and crossed to the door, leaning around into the hall.

“Hey, I was looking for you. Can we talk for a minute?”

“Sure.”

Rey turned back down the hall, and into the command center. Poe motioned her into he adjoining office, and he followed behind, closing the door.

“What is it, Poe?”

“First off, how are you feeling?”

Rey sighed and crossed her arms.

“I’m fine.”

“Whoa. Sorry.”

“No,” Rey said, letting her hands drop to her sides. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t— thank you for the concern. I’m fine.”

“Okay. Good.”

“You needed something?”

“I just want to get an idea of what’s going on here.”

“Meaning?”

Poe put his hands on his hips and leaned in slightly, trying not to seem overly agitated. He wasn’t sure it was working. And he knew Rey could sense his anxiety, which wasn’t making matters better.

“We’ve been on this moon for over a month. And you’ve been, what? Running supply missions? Reconnaissance?”

“They’re missions that need done. I do them. What’s this about?”

“‘What’s this about?’” he repeated back, letting out a frustrated laugh. “I don’t need you to run supply missions. I have people to do that.”

Rey crossed her arms again, and her eyes narrowed.

“Is there something you want to say to me? Because if there is, I’d rather just have it out.”

“Fine. We’ve been hanging on by our fingertips out here. People don’t even think we exist. We’ve gotten traction mostly because the story about Luke facing down Kylo and the First Order has caught on. But for that to keep up, we need the Jedi Order. And that’s supposed to be you.”

“It’s not just something I can snap my fingers and make happen,” Rey said, her voice rising. “What am I supposed to do? A traveling show where I tell fortunes and make things float?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I’m not supposed to be the one that knows these things. You are.”

“It’s not like Luke left a manual for me with step-by-step instructions.”

“That’s not what I hear.”

“Oh, and what do you hear?”

“That you have some Jedi scripture or something. Some texts. Books with information we could use.”

“I suppose you’d like to try reading them, then. Do you think they’re in standard Aurebesh? They’re in some language that’s probably been dead for five thousand years. Not even Threepio could read them.”

Poe had to laugh. C3PO had just been in here complaining about not being able to talk to load lifters because of their accents, and imagining him trying to read sacred religious texts was more than just comedy. It was farce.

“What I’m hearing is an explanation without a plan,” Poe said, trying his best to keep his frustration from boiling over into real anger. He felt less in control than he was accustomed to, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that she was doing something to make him more uneasy. “Are you with us? Because I get the feeling that you’re just here because you have nowhere else to go.”

Rey’s expression hardened, but there was real hurt in her eyes. She took a few calming breaths, and responded.

“All right. This is the part where you say you’re under a lot of stress, and you didn’t mean that, and you take that back.”

“No, I don’t think so. You’re the last Jedi. As in the only one. And yesterday, you keeled over like you were a green recruit. What do we do if something happens to you? Huh?”

“Poe. I fainted. It was stupid to train in the heat like that for so long. I grew up in the desert. I ought to know better.”

“That’s not what worries me. What worries me is that you’ve been acting like you’re an engineer. Or a freighter pilot. You’ve been training against droids that don’t have safety protocols—“

“They’re too easy to beat otherwise.”

“That’s my point! Why are you fighting droids at all? You should be out there, we should be out there, taking the fight to the First Order! You should be leading. Instead, you’re out in the training yard fighting droids that wouldn’t have hesitated to kill you when you passed out.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I’d beaten them all by then.”

“And what about next time?”

“Who says there’s going to be a next time?”

“I don’t want to have to worry that there will be!”

A silence fell between them, as though some kind of gauntlet had been dropped, and they were both waiting for the other to pick it up.

“Maybe you ought to stop pinning all your hopes on me,” Rey said with a calm resolve. But Poe could see her composure was slipping, and he wasn’t sure what to make of that. “I’m doing what I can. I’m trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do. I’m trying to keep myself from losing my mind while I try to understand what the Force wants from me. I’ve got unreadable books and a broken lightsaber and no one to help me.”

Her mention of the broken lightsaber reminded him that she still hadn’t been debriefed about what happened on the Supremacy. Poe’s uneasiness sharpened, and he couldn’t help but feel that she was reading his thoughts right then and there. Rey took a half step toward him, and gestured down toward the corridor.

“If you need someone to inspire your cause, you’ve got her. She’s right down the hall, and she’s twice the woman I’ll ever be.”

“Rey, Leia’s dying.”

“What?”

“Dying. She doesn’t have much time.”

They’d known for weeks. Leia might have known longer. But it didn’t change the fact that the tumors were inoperable. And it didn’t change the fact that radiation sickness was slowly sapping her of her strength. It was anyone’s guess which would overwhelm her first, but both diagnoses carried the same promise: death, and soon.

“When she got blown out of the bridge on the Raddus, she should have died. She didn’t. We were very lucky. But she was in deep space for over two minutes. That kind of radiation doesn’t come without consequences. Leia might be one of a kind, but she’s still only human.”

Poe could see that Rey wasn’t prepared for that news. Good, he thought. Maybe this would spur her to action. And even if it didn’t, at least Poe wasn’t carrying this secret alone anymore. Not that it could be a secret much longer.

“Rey,” he continued, trying to bridge a span between urgency and inspiration, “we don’t have the luxury of waiting. I can’t put together an army to fight the First Order if we don’t have a cause worth fighting for.”

“If you don’t have a cause worth fighting for without me standing in front of you with a lightsaber,” Rey said slowly, and it looked like she was struggling to keep from letting the depth of her emotions show, “then the problem’s with you, not me. I’m not going to rush out and recruit students, or padawans, or whatever, if I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. You’re a pilot. Imagine starting a flight academy when you know how to fly, but not how to land.”

“Listen to me. I’m sorry if I seem harsh. But I have people who count on me. And they look to you as the light that’ll lead us into battle. And you could have died yesterday. Where would that leave us?”

“What do you want? Tell me. What should I do?”

He took a step toward her, his face becoming hard and serious.

“Start doing things because you can do them. Not because someone told you how.”

And that was that. Rey’s expression went cold and blank, her eyes glassed with angry tears.

“Are we done?”

“Yeah,” Poe said, motioning for the door. “I guess we are.”

***

Poe returned to the command center after Rey left, but not before spending some time thinking through exactly what to do about the Jedi girl in his camp. She was an invaluable asset, to be sure. And if she could get with the program, she could be the one thing that would turn the tide.

But she also painted them with a very bright target. Eventually, he was sure, the First Order would come for her. And when that happened, he didn’t know if they’d be able to protect her. More than that, he wondered if it was worth it at all.

He sighed and rubbed his temples, drifting over to where Connix was seated.

“Any luck?”

“Not with the codex, but I did find this.”

Poe leaned over her shoulder and looked at the screen.

“What the hell?”

“I know.”

“Keep this between us for now.”

“Yes, sir. I mean, Poe.”

Poe didn’t respond. What were those structures? And the orbital station? What was the First Order doing on Naboo?

#reylo #reylo fanfic #star wars fic #rey #poe dameron

43 notes · View notes

amarerp · 3 years

Text

Look whos back...

What did I learn in L.A? What was my reason for even moving over there? OH, yeah, I remember. I felt like I didn't belong. Like I didn't know who I was. I wanted to learn how to fend for myself. I felt like I was rotting in place. All I wanted to do was die. I had no will to try anymore. I think all the drama at the house (my mother bought years ago that she lets other people run.) really had me over the edge. All though while I was in L.A. Even though I missed my family over here, I somehow forgot all about the drama that was part of the reason I left in the first place. Whatever. Who even cares anymore. My younger half sister is selfish and disrespectful and obviously only cares about herself. One day that's going to bite her in the ass. But she is lucky that she has a mother like ours. With an enabler like her, there's no doubt in my mind its part of the reason she doesn't think before acting. My family is that way. Why am I always worried about other people? Maybe I need to follow their example and worry about my life. Be selfish. It would do me good. I'm going to get my own place and worry about myself only. My mother has consistently showed me that she doesn't mind other people not taking her feelings into consideration. It doesn't mean I have to do that to her. But it means I can't keep getting upset when I notice her get upset about something someone else does and not speak up. Im tired of her feeling comfortable taking things out on me or only bossing me around because she knows I will do it, no questions asked.

That voice in the back of my head never leaves. I don't actually hear someones voice now. Im referring to my insecurities. I'm watching RuPaul right now. There is something she said that caught my attention in season nine. There is this queen on the show who reminds me so much of myself. I cant stop thinking that the reason so many people quit talking to me growing up, was because I wore being a victim as a badge for everyone to see. Its become a part of me. I can't imagine how exhausting that must be to those who care(d) for me. Im sorry. I wish someone could see just how much I want to change and be successful. I think a big part of that is the need to feel accepted. I fear one day I will be alone in this world. No one to celebrate with. No one who truly worries about me. My family has a point when they say that this is how life is. People come and go and that includes family. People change. Some for the better, others for the worst. But I only have control over my own life. I cant control who or how others live their lives. We all live our lives through a lense based on OUR own experiences. Sometimes we forget that everyone has their own journeys and we all come from different walks of life.

Get out of your head Rolando. You are not a bad person. Yeah you have made mistakes but you're human. You're supposed to make mistakes. The thing to remember, is to learn from those mistakes. I've hurt people. I haven't been the best brother or son or friend even. But i'm not my past. I forgive MYSELF. I cant keep waiting for my mother to fight my battles. She has clearly said before " I wasn't raised with hugs and parental guidance." She is literally telling me she doesnt know how to be what I'm asking of her to be for me... And I guess I can't be mad at her for that. I just wish she would try harder sometimes. She is a great mother in the end. I know she loves me. That was never a question or doubt. But why am I convinced that it is my job to fix anything at all? I guess it may have something to do with me being raised in a religious household. I was taught in church that you always fight for the good. That I have to be a good example to the world. When the world is dark, I have to be a light to provide hope... I'm not saying that I shouldn't do that still. like that could be being kind, and thoughtful and respectful... but being all that.. is what has gotten me in trouble. I think I convinced myself that I needed to be 'perfect' in some way. Like it mattered what others think of me.. I cant believe Ive lived my life that way. The only opinion that should matter is my own. I need to figure out a way where I can be respectful and still be a bad bitch when needed. Balance.

So to answer my original question. What was my reason for moving in the first place. It was to escape my younger half sister and her drama and see what exactly was the cause of my pain. To heal some, and have fun. I wanted to learn more about myself. I was excited to have that freedom i've wanted for awhile. Freedom to not only explore my sexuality more, but to be myself without fear of losing my mothers new found respect for me. It took a long time to re earn her trust.. and I am terrified of losing it again. LA was a very humbling experience. And very grateful that I was able to go through that. Thank you God.

#mental illness #blog post

0 notes

kpurereactions · 7 years

Note

got7s reaction when during a fight they say something really mean and u go to slap them but they stop ur hand before u can pls!! 💛💛💛

Jaebum:He had a bad habit of throwing low daggers at you when the two of you fought. But every time something mean came out of his mouth he’d instantly apologize. But tonight as he screamed at you from the opposite side of the kitchen you couldn’t help but think this was the end. ‘All I do is work! And for what! What do you do to help me? Nothing!’ He screamed. It was only the dishes and it was only one day that he came home to a slightly messy kitchen. You shook your head not knowing what to say and watched as he huffed. 'That’s right. You do nothing. You’re lazy and your worthless.’ He said slowly ascending on you. Gritting your teeth you rose your hand and swung. How dare he say that to you when you do nothing but run around for him. He’d caught your hand and looked from it to you, wide eyed and slack jawed at the words he said to you. He’d let you pull your wrist out of his hand and would watch you still in shock as you locked yourself in the bedroom. He’d know instantly what he did was wrong and knew there was no way he could make it better. Your sobs on the other side of the door made that clear. He’d still try though, mocking every 15 minutes up till you opened it to throw his pillow at him. When he finally got you to talk to him he’d try his hardest to get you to believe him when he said he didn’t actually think that he was just tired and stressed. Even though he was able to convince you to stay with him he’d know he didn’t deserve you and he’d make sure to never have to fight with you like that again.

Mark:He’d hate getting mad at you, his temper was the one thing he hated the most about himself and he never wanted to show it to you. But that didn’t mean it didn’t happen. The first two times you saw it it had been directed towards someone who hit on you. The next time was towards Jaebum. But this time it was towards you. You couldn’t help that you were already crying against the wall silently with your arms wrapped around you. He was to mad to even notice how mad he was taring into you. You didnt mean for your ex to keep messaging you but even though there had been no response from your end it didnt stop Mark from accusing you for cheating. 'And what did you do today huh!? Or should I be asking you who did you do today!’ He screams. You looked at them, hatred burning in your eyes. 'So you’re just going to stand there. You’re not going to tell me its not true?’ 'I already told you its not true.’ You whispered. 'Bull Shit!’ He said punching the wall next to your head and making you flinch. You looked at him with wide eyes and rose your hand prepared to slap him, but his hand caught your wrist. Tears burned in your eyes again as you pulled your hand away from him and pushed his shoulder as you walked past him. He called after you but you didnt stop, just stormed off into the bedroom to slam the door. He stood at the door, now calming down and scared that he might have done it. He might have lost the best thing that has ever happened to him. He sat there listening to your feint sobs, your phone ding and then a crash. He bursted in the room and saw your phone broken across from you and you kneeling on the floor crying harder he’d kneel down next to you and hold you into his chest. 'Im so sorry, I shouldn’t have… I never want you to feel like this I’m so sorry.’ He’d say pulling your body closer to his. He didnt care that you tried to hit him, he knew he deserved it with the way he was treating you.

Jackson:

Jackson had been picking on you all day; poking your sides tugging your hair pulling you around. It was all in good fun but it was getting old. You knew he was excited though and you couldn’t get yourself to tell him to knock it off, he had just released a single and Got7 was getting ready for their comeback and everything was just to excited, so you sucked it up. The problem it was all day though. At lunch he kept taking your food, at dinner he kept pretending to put unwanted spices in the pot you were cooking in and taking the spoon to spank you over and over again. After dinner you thought it was over. The two of you had curled up on the couch together, legs intertwined and were finally calming down for the day. But then he kept doing it. Pulling at your shirt, tugging your hair, you were fed up. You stood and when he asked you what was wrong you told him to just stop. He was being annoying. He stood with a goofy grin and approached you to shake your shoulders. 'Im not being annoying! Im being loooovveeeyyyy.’ He said shaking you more. You pulled his hands off of you and turned to make your way to the bedroom but he followed you so he could turn you around and take your cheeks between his hands. You rolled your eyes and tried to pull your face out of his hands but he started to smack your cheeks almost a little too hard. 'Jackson stop it.’ You warned, but he continued to do it harder. 'Jackson I said stop!’ You yelled pulling yourself out of his grip to turn away. He grabbed your hand and spun your around and out of instinct you rose your hand to hit him. His hand caught yours as his expression went from playful to angry. 'Were you really going to hit me?’ He said softly, his hands running down your arm to let it go. He watched you blink back tears as you realized what you had did and even though he was so upset this happened he knew that he had pushed you. He’d pull you closer and sigh as you wrapped your arms tightly around him and your face buried in his chest. 'Im so sorry.’ You cried softly as his arms wrapped tighter around you.

Jinyoung:

Jinyoung at work compared to Jinyoung with you were almost two different people. At work he was hard faced, strict, and came off as having no time for any ones games. Even on goofy days of his those characteristics still hung around. But with you he was sweet, thoughtful, loving and everything you would expect from your boyfriend. He always did such a great job of leaving all of his stress from work at the door, but today was different. He came home and walked right past you. When dinner was ready he ignored all of your calls and eventually you when you came to get him. Getting mad wasn’t even in your line of thoughts so instead you just walked back into the kitchen, made him a trey and took it to the room he was in and left it next to him. You gave him his space as much as it killed you, but when you went to retrieve the trey an hour later and was faced with the same amount of food that was now cold you decided to say something. The moment your mouth opened he sat up straight, eyes burning with anger as he looked at you. Something that had never happened before. 'You’re so god damn annoying! Would you quit babying me! Ive actually had it up to hear with you and I wish you would just leave me alone!’ He screamed getting in your face. You sniffled and tried to hold back your tears and folded your arms around your body before leaving the room, but were stopped by him grabbing your arm to pull you around. 'Don’t act like I’ve hurt your feelings, your too much of a push over to think that.’ 'If you think I’m such a pushover and so annoying then maybe you should just go back to your own place.’ You started, pulling your arm out of his grip. 'And you should probably stay there. I don’t want you here anymore.’ You started to turn but his arm caught yours again causing you to stumble and fall into the wall with a little bit more force than he expected. With a rush of anger running through you, your hand rose and you started to swing. His hand caught your wrist, his expression now softening drastically. His own eyes began to well as he realized how serious things had gotten. 'All I do is take care of you. To try and help you destress from work and live like a normal person. I do all that on top of taking care of myself and all the things I have to do during the day. But its good to know I’m annoying you. I won’t bother you anymore.’ You said pulling your hand out of his grip again and walking to the front of the house where you gathered his coat and shoes. 'Leave.’ He had no choice other than to leave and for the rest of the night he couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t focus the next day at work and when it got time for him to go home he had already made it half way back to your place before he realized where he was going. He broke down right there and had an almost hour long self debate that resulted in him storming into your house, tears down his cheeks to beg you not to leave him.

Youngjae:

You hadn’t seen Youngjae in what felt like forever, he had been so busy with work that seeing him had been scarce. but finally he’d had a day off and he swore to spend every second with you. You woke up with him in hugged close to your back you couldn’t help but smile and when you got up to make breakfast he already had laid out an array of breakfast pastries. You spent all day together cuddling on the couch, laughing at each other, crying at sad parts of the movie you were watching, and goofing around. He was back to the floor, you had been able to wrestle him down and straddle is body and started to fight against him to keep him there. You were body giggling, having a great time when he finally was able to over power you so he was now hovering over your body. You screamed playfully and started poking at his chest to let you up, but your playful exterior started to stray away from the anxiety that was now setting in your chest from being pinned to the floor. 'Jake stop, stop please.’ You said as it became harder to breath. He didnt listen though and kept pinning you there, now bending over to try and kiss your neck up and down. You squirmed and pushed him off of your chest and rose your arm to hit his face, silently thankful he caught your hand. 'I can’t breath.’ You said moving the hand you rose to clench to his hand. He’d totally forget that you had tried to hit him and would move to help you stand up, pulling your arms over your head, something he did overtime you got short of breath. Even though he wouldn’t admit it to you, seeing you like that was one of the scariest things he’d ever seen so as he sat you down and knelt in front of you he’d shake his head and squeeze your knees to tell you to stop apologizing for almost hitting him, he knew he should have been paying better attention. He’d be careful with you for the rest of the night and even though you were able to start laughing again he’d still feel weird and wasn’t sure what to do.

BamBam:

It wasn’t his fault that you were in a bad mood, and usually when you were BamBam was always able to make you feel better. There was just something though about the way he came over, flopped on the couch next to you and started complaining about the new choreography it was just the straw that broke the camels back. You got up and walked away from him, storming into the kitchen where you opened up a bottle of water and folded your arms over your chest. He followed you in and asked you half heartedly what was wrong. When you didnt answer he propped himself up on the counter and continued to talk about his day. 'You You You, why don’t you ever ask me about me BamBam. Ive had a shit day and you haven’t said anything to me and hearing you complain about stupid things like this makes me mad!’ It was your light that started the fire. Hours had gone by and the two of you didnt even know what you were fighting over any more. It came to an abrupt stop though when BamBam strutted up to you, yelled 'Would you just get the fuck over it!’, pushed you slightly and then watched as you lost your balance and slipped to slide down the cupboard. You stood suddenly and swung on him, huffing as he dodged your hit and then caught your hand when it came back the other way. Seeing him holding your wrist, anger in his eyes that were starting to water you’d pull you hand away from his and use it to cover your mouth. You were so upset, now for a completely different reason now that the argument was actually over. You cried as he pulled you into his chest and held you tightly, the both of you knowing very well that things had gone to far and could have been avoided if one of you just stopped. He wouldn’t stay the night that night but when he came over the next day he’d show up with an armful of your favorite things to see you cooking up his favorite meal with some of his most favorite things on the table. It would be put behind the two of you quickly, and the two of you worked to never let things get to that point ever again.

Yugyeom:

He wasn’t one to fight with you. He hated seeing you mad and when you were if he could help he would but if he couldn’t he always made sure to stay out of your way. He had come to your house early, getting off of work early allowed him to come to your apartment while you were still in class and cook you a very detailed, over the top dinner. But the thing was he wasn’t a very good cook. When you got home after a stressful day full of annoying professors and a butt ton of work to find a huge mess in your apartment you couldn’t help but already start to loose your cool. He smiled and calling your name but as he turned the egg he was about to crack slipped from his messy hands and broke on the floor. You couldn’t help but start to yell, ignoring the fact that his bright smile had dropped and what ever that was in the oven was now burning. He tried to get words in but as you unraveled all of your stress from the day on to Yugyeom you became blind to the fact that you were doing so. Soon your mouth was shut and pressed against Yugyeom as that was the only thing he thought to do to get you to stop yelling. You pushed him back and without thinking rose your hand, but when his egg covered hand caught your wrist his eyes tightened and he threw it down. 'Im sorry you had a rough day. All I was trying to do was something nice for you. But right now I can’t believe you actually thought about hitting me. You stuttered trying to find the words to say and could hardly move as he threw the towel he had used to dry his hands at your feet and started to walk out of the door. But as he bent over to put his shoes on you hooked his arms around his waist and tucked your head into his back. He sighed and turned around, hesitating slightly to wrap his arms around you but eventually did and rested his cheek against your head. 'Take out?’ He asked as he held your crying body, smiling slightly as you nodded against him.

#got7 #got7 reactions #jaebum #mark #jackson #jinyoung #youngjae #bambam #yugyeom

1K notes · View notes

forkanna · 7 years

Link

[AO3 LINK]

It took me all night to stop feeling embarrassed about the scene Knives caused. Maybe deep down, I really did feel flattered that she cared this much, but it was buried under so much shame and annoyance that I couldn't even feel it accurately. Where did she get off inserting herself into my life as some weird kind of protector? Especially since I didn't need any protecting. At all. That was just some random crap I made up to make it clear that I wasn't interested in her hanging around and making me feel better. Not my fault she was too dense to realise.

A few days later, I saw her again. Just enough time to forget that the whole incident happened before I was freshly reminded because she came barging back into my life. Great.

"Are you stalking me?"

"What?" Knives asked, trying to casually drop down from the tree branch. She landed with a quiet tmp against the little patch of grass around the trunk, a would-be innocent smile playing across her lips. "Noooo… not at all."

"Because it feels like you're stalking me. And what's with that?"

"Nothing!" Her hand whipped to one side, throwing the binoculars so hard that they disappeared into the sky with a brief gleam. "Nobody was watching you since you left the house this morning, don't be silly!"

Sighing, I continued walking down the pavement. She kept pace with me; now that I'd found her out, apparently she had decided there was no point in keeping a low profile anymore. My hands clenched into fists in my hoodie pockets. "Fine. What do you want?"

"Well… I'm trying to do surveillance."

"Yeah, I got that."

"For the challenges? You know… see if I can tell from the outside anything more about what I'll face on the inside. So far, nothing obvious. But I wanna be ready!"

"For the imaginary challenges? Wow, quelle surprise."

"Are they imaginary though?" she breathed with a slight squinting of her eyes.

"Dude… you are so weird." For some reason, that made her grin at me, and I rolled my eyes. Didn't seem to be any point in trying to get rid of her anymore, so I just said, "I'm going to work. You won't have anything to do there but watch me watch old movies."

"I love old movies! Like, like… the first Harry Potter!"

Inwardly, I died a little.

~ o ~

This manic chick actually came with me to the video rental store. I shouldn't have to tell you that in this millennium, especially after the first decade of it, there's really no point in even having a video rental store anymore, so we had no customers. It was literally hours of sitting around and watching movie after movie, while maybe one guy came in and asked where 'the good stuff' was kept. My glare sent him packing.

"So was it that bad wherever you went for uni that you ended up slumming it back here again?"

"Not bad," Knives told me as she sat on the counter, spinning the orange she had gotten from a convenience store on the way in her hands. It was the last thing either of us had to eat after we made our way through some cheesy Nineties rom-com. "Just not home. Toronto is just, you know? Like… everything's so cool here."

"Yeah, it's freezing."

"Not right now. Summer in Toronto is like, the best. Plus my friend Tamara lives here, I was hoping I'd see her."

There was something about how genuine Knives was that reminded me of Scott when we first met. That could probably play a role in why they were attracted to each other in the first place, and I might be more certain of that if I were some kind of TV pop-psychologist. As in, Scott saw something of his younger self in Knives, the way he was before he broke my heart and Envy broke his in turn. Yadda yadda.

Maybe that's why I hadn't thrown her out yet. Nostalgia.

"Kim?"

"What?" I snapped, since I had been snapped out of my stupor.

"The movie's over."

"Oh…" Ducking my head, I reached over to pull the DVD of 'The Mystical Head' out of the player. "Shit…"

Head tilted to one side, Knives asked me, "What would you be watching if you had to pick? Right now?"

"Zombie Corpse Mutilator IV: The Zombining."

"Really? Is it any good? I don't watch very many scary movies…"

With a long sigh, I stood up and stretched my arms over my head. Knives tried to balance the orange on the bridge of her nose, failed, and caught it before it fell very far. "You probably just want me to put on some drivel like 'Let's Hope There's A Heaven,' don't you?"

"No," she laughed easily. "What about… 'Seven Shaolin Masters'? I like action, but not like, just a bunch of stuff blowing up. And I heard that one's supposed to be pretty authentic, it was done by a Chinese director."

The way she looked all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed reminded me of a squirrel spotting a nut it hadn't cracked yet. Maybe I was the nut. Who knows? But for some reason, her excitement and complete disregard of whether or not I crapped all over her good mood was getting past my defenses. So much so that I said…

"Sure. Think we have a few copies."

We watched it. Not a bad flick. I guess I like it about as much as I like anything, really. Not high praise, but you get the picture. Knives was eating it up. Really… the weirdest part is that she never complained about having to sit there on the counter, just hopped down once in a while to stretch her legs and lean against it instead. Like we had been doing this for years: her coming to hang out with me while I 'worked'. Felt like the plot of some low-budget indie film, shot in black-and-white to be 'ironic'.

About halfway through, she did go to the lavatory, and when she came back she stayed behind the counter. I started to tell her she wasn't allowed, but decided I didn't care enough. Maybe I'm getting soft at the ripe old age of twenty-four.

"Hey," I suddenly asked, during a boring part in which the main character was meditating.

"Hm?"

"What are you doing?"

"Watching a movie."

"No… I mean like, going to uni. What's your whole deal?" I cringed; that was a pretty crappy way to ask the question. But, as usual, Knives didn't seem to mind.

"Not really sure. Just want to figure out what I'm doing. My mom wants me to be a doctor, but that is so not happening. Like… I kinda want to found a martial arts school. Super cliché, but I've never really been good at anything else, except fangirling. Which isn't really a 'job' I can get."

"Sure you could. Rent yourself out as a professional fangirl."

Her eyes went round. "You can do that?!" But for once, she seemed to get that I was teasing and smiled. "Aww, silly Kim. But… actually I wonder if there'd be any interest in it… maybe I could start a whole new thing!"

"Weirdo."

"What about you?"

That caught me off guard. "Huh? I'm a drummer."

"Yeah, but you aren't really in a band right now, right? You said you and Neil's sister are just kind of trying stuff."

"It's none of your-" But I cut myself off. This wasn't an interrogation, and Knives wasn't trying to pry. Wasn't trying to. "I just… am trying to figure that out. My life got kicked in the butt by a few events and I need a rebuilding year."

"But it's already been a year since your last band-"

"Knives…"

She fell silent, turning away to finish the movie. She looked guilty, which wasn't really what I wanted; I just wanted her to take the hint that it's not the most fun subject to bring up for me right now. But I didn't know how to tell her that without getting all sappy and feelsy, so I didn't try.

When Comeau came in to relieve me, we split, and she followed along behind like a good puppy. A good stray puppy. One I never wanted, but for some reason, I didn't mind her there. We did start getting along toward the end of Sex Bob-omb's career, I guess.

"You wanna get some food? It's about dinner time. Or you probably have plans, huh?"

Shrugging, I managed to mutter, "Eh." I didn't have any plans. I never had many plans anymore; met up with Stephen once a week, or less. Steph wasn't so much a friend as a colleague… which I guess was where both of them stood with me. Where did everybody go?

"Cool. Wanna get Sneaky Dee's?"

"Ugh… too noisy. Not in the mood."

"Poutine? Sushi?"

I started to make a very vaguely racist joke about sushi being the wrong food for her, but decided it would be more hurtful than funny. Especially to Knives, who only seemed to get the most obvious jokes. "Poutine works. I could use some gravy-laden goodness."

"Cool. Let's do it!"

She skipped off down the path, hair bouncing on the breeze. I didn't notice before that she was still keeping it short, I was so focused on the fact that she stopped dyeing it in the front. Kind of a compromise between who she had been before Scott and who she was after, maybe.

Not that I knew why I was noticing now. I must really have been bored. "Wait up, you dumbass," I grumbled under my breath as I trudged after her.

~ o ~

Somehow, grabbing dinner with this almost-a-stranger was fine. She gushed about college life, about some group of friends she found online and really connected with or whatever. I was only half paying attention while I chewed. Between bites she was drinking a ginger ale, and kept setting it down so hard that a few droplets would fly up and land on the table, or even on her face. That annoyed me, but it was also kind of… cute somehow. Maybe I needed therapy.

Once we finished up, we walked to the bus stop that would take her back in the direction of her house. It was awkward. There was no real reason for it to be awkward but it was; she looked down at her boots, rocking back and forth with her hands in the small of her back.

"U-um… do you mind if I drop by more? You seemed kind of unhappy to see me at first. If you really want me to leave you alone forever…"

"Yes. I do."

"Okay. S-sorry, Kim."

Now I felt like I was kicking a puppy. She wasn't really that bad; I just hated being forced to endure the company of anyone besides myself and my inner demons. "Ugh… just don't make a big deal about it, and shut up if we get too busy, alright? God."

Her mopey face turned into a wide smile over the course of the following five seconds. "YAY!" No seriously, she said 'yay'. And meant it. What the fuck was she even? Her arms sprang forward, and before I could tell what was about to happen, she had me caught in a crushing hug.

"Let GO. Dude, seriously! Off!"

"I'll see you tomorrow! Oh man, this is gonna be a great summer!" Without any further ado, she pranced over to the bus stop, walking backward so she could wave at me the entire time. Anybody could have predicted that she would trip over the old man's dachshund, but she picked herself up right away with a light giggle, apologising to both of them before waving again.

Our definitions of "great summer" don't have much overlap.

To Be Continued…

#kim pine's precious little knives #forkanna writes #kim pine #knives chau #scott pilgrim vs. the world #forkanna the writer

3 notes · View notes

leeumdarlin · 7 years

Text

The Darkest Minds AU

Ruby, Liam, and Chubs are in college together. Ruby gets sick and misses class, so Liam comes looking for her.

Mostly fluff. I’m a huge fan of Sickfics, but can never find any for my OTP. So, I just write my own n_n

Right away, I knew something was not right. The blaring of my alarm clock felt like knives being thrusted into my temples. I opened my eyes slowly, staring at the bright red numbers that read 7:00AM. I reached over and turned the alarm off before burying my head under the pillow. My head was pounding, the pain so severe it was making my stomach hurt. Even opening my eyes made it worse. I stayed under the pillow, waiting for the pain to subside but it never did. With a groan, I emerged and slowly sat up on the edge of the bed. I brought my fingers to my temples and attempted to massage the pain away, but it was persistent. It was a constant, throbbing pain right at the back of my eyeballs. Twenty minutes had passed, and if I didn’t hurry, I would be late for Math class. It was about a 15 minute walk from my dorm, and it started at 7:45. Despite the protest from my limbs, I stood up from the bed. Almost immediately, I regretted it. I was met with an intense wave of dizziness that forced me to fall back on to the mattress, followed by a woozy feeling that made me hold my stomach and try to force down the bile that was threatening to rise up in my throat. Okay, so no class today. In defeat, I crawled back under the blankets and was soon asleep once again.

I kept drifting in and out of sleep. After a few hours, I was able to slowly stand and make it to the bathroom across the hall from my dorm, wrapped in a blanket that dragged behind me. I ignored the looks I got from the other girls, probably staring at my disheveled appearance. At this point, I honestly did not care. As soon as I finished with the restroom, I shuffled back to my dorm and nestled right back down in bed. That’s when the coughing started. It started with just a little tickle that soon turned into a deep, painful cough that came from deep in my chest and left me gasping for breath. Every time I would be about to drift off, it would start and leave tears streaming down my face. The pressure built between my eyes and around my nose, causing congestion and a constant sniffling. The sneezing and the coughing seemed to take turns and neither would let up enough to let me fall into a deep sleep. I just laid in bed, awake and miserable and wishing for death. Finally, finally, after what felt like forever, I fell asleep.

I was awoken by a loud, frantic knocking at my door. I sat up abruptly, and regretted it tremendously. My head felt like I was about the explode and a coughing fit overtook me. It was starting to get worse, more painful and wet, leaving a string of saliva hanging from my lips. When I was finally able to recover, there was another series of knocking, even harder than before. “Ruby?” I jolted at the voice. Liam? What was he doing here? I glanced over at the clock. It read 8:43PM. “Ruby, please open up!” Groaning, I swung my legs over the side of the bed, ignoring the aches from deep in my bones, and slowly stood, the blanket wrapped around me. But when I tried to move toward the door to open it, my knees buckled. In an attempt to catch myself, I knocked over the lamp on my table, causing it to crash to the floor along with myself. I laid in a heap in the ground, covered with the blanket and too dizzy and weak to get myself back up. I coughed hard into the crook of my arm, gasping for breaths in between fits. “Ruby?!” I couldn’t even respond. It felt like every last ounce of energy had been sapped from my body. I heard footsteps go down the hall. Had he left? I closed my eyes, curled up on the floor and shaking as a chill came over me. I sniffled, sneezing into the blanket as the snot started to drip from my nose. I was almost losing consciousness when I heard the doorknob start the turn and the lock clicked. Someone had gotten the RA to open the door. They pushed it open and the light from the hall hit my face, causing me to cover up with the blanket as the migraine kept throbbing. “Ruby?” Liam’s voice rang over my ears. It sounded like he was trying to talk softly, but every little noise sounded like nails on a chalkboard. “Hey, darlin’, it’s me. What’s wrong?” He pushed the door shut and gently pulled the blanket down from my face. His hand brushed against my cheek, but quickly recoiled as his breath caught in his throat. “Oh my god, Ruby. You’re burning up!” He put the back of his hand against my forehead and I shivered. His hand was so cold. A couple coughs escaped, making me cling onto his shirt as I fought for air. Liam’s eyes were wide, his face white as a ghost. “That’s it, come on. You’re going to the ER.” Before I could even register what he had said, I was lifted into his arms and out of the dorm room.

The next time I opened my eyes, I was in a white room that smelled like bleach and lemon. There was a needle in my arm, an IV, connected to a fluid drip. Everything felt heavy. My head, my arms, my legs… trying to move was so painful, but I finally managed to scoot up into a sitting position so I could look around better. Immediately, I noticed Liam. He glanced up when he saw me move. “Oh, thank god you’re awake,” He exclaimed, reaching over to grab my hand. Relief washed over me. I didn’t realize how much I needed him until now. “What happened?” I asked, wincing as how weak and hoarse my voice sounded. “I found you in your dorm room on the floor. You were burning up with a fever and could hardly move. I heard a crash, and I knew something was wrong. I went and found your RA and had her open the door and that is when we found you.” Liam lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it. “You’re really sick, darlin’. You should have called me.” “Why did you come looking for me? I only missed one day.” My voice cracked at the end and another coughing fit took over, but it was slightly less painful this time. Liam gave me an odd look. “Ruby, you were out for two days.” “What?” I exclaimed, the outburst a little too much as more coughing followed. “You didn’t answer any of my calls or my texts, and you missed two days’ worth of classes. I knew something was not right, so that is why I stopped by your dorm. I shook my head, pressing it back against the pillow and closing my eyes. “I had no idea it had been that long.” I whispered. “It’s going to be okay. You are very dehydrated, but as soon as the IV finishes, they’re going to discharge you and you’re coming back to my place so I can nurse you back to health.” I smiled a little a little. “I would like that.”

A couple hours later, we were back in Liam’s car heading back to the house he rented with our friend Chubs. The fever was still high, and I felt like I was freezing even though I was bundled in Liam’s heavy leather jacket and a thick blanket. Glancing at the side mirror, I could see how flushed my cheeks were and the dark bags that had formed under my eyes. The hospital had sent us with a prescription for antibiotics. They had diagnosed me with the seasonal flu, but just my luck, I had developed pneumonia as well. That explained the deep, wet, painful cough that was still racking my body. As if just thinking about it triggered it, another wave hit and I coughed hard into my elbow. Liam grabbed my hand and squeezed it. He glanced over with a worried glance. He could see how bad it hurt. It felt like the fit lasted forever, and when it finally passed, I was almost hyperventilating trying to get air back into my lungs. “We’re almost there, darlin’.” I nodded, leaning back against the seat and pulling my legs to my chest, hugging my knees. I sneezed, and it felt like someone stabbed a knife between my eyes. I sneezed twice more, and the pain and effort made tears spring to my eyes. “Okay, we’re here. Hold on, I’ll get you,” We pulled up into the driveway ten minutes later. Liam opened my door and lifted me out, carrying me into the house bridal style. We walked into the living room, where Chubs was sitting in the recliner with his laptop in his lap. He looked up from behind his silver glassed, and his face fell a little. “Damn, Lee. You weren’t exaggerating. She looks awful.” “Gee, thanks.” I rasped, trying to hold back another coughing fit as Liam lowered me onto the couch and covered me with another blanket. The coughing won, and I double over with the effort. “I’ll be right back, I’m going to go get the medicine from the car, okay?” Liam kissed my forehead and left the room. Chubs closed his laptop and stood up, coming to sit by my feet on the couch. “Do you want anything to eat?” I shook my head, my stomach flipping at the simple thought. “Ruby, you have to eat. Lee said you haven’t eaten in three days. How about some soup? Chicken noodle?” I shrugged. “I guess I’ll try it.” Chubs gave my leg an awkward pat and stood up to head into the kitchen just as Liam came back with the bag. “Alright, I also grabbed some Gatorade and a thermometer while I was at the drug store getting your prescription. Let’s check that fever and get this medicine in you.” Liam ripped open the package and pulled out the tympanic thermometer. He placed it in my ear and pushed the button, waiting for the shrill beep. “101.9. Let me grab some Tylenol.” He dug through the bag, grabbing the bottle and shaking out 2 pills. Then he pulled out the prescription bottle and pulled out one of the big horse pills. Amoxicillin, the doctor had called it. Liam helped me sit up a little, and I took the pills followed by a swig of the Gatorade. Then Chubs came out with the bowl of soup. Liam grabbed it from him. “Thanks, Chubs,” Liam said. “No problem. I’ll go to my room to give her some quiet. Feel better, Ruby,” Chubs grabbed his laptop from the couch and retreated. “Alright, darlin’. Try to eat something.” Liam handed me the bowl, but my hands were so shaky I almost spilled it on myself. “Okay, scratch that.” Liam mumbled, taking the bowl back. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled, my head starting to feel heavy. I was so tired. “Don’t be sorry, Ruby,” Liam reached over and brushed the hair out of my face. “Here,” He spooned out a bite of soup, blowing on it before bringing it my lips. I hesitated a moment, then opened my mouth the took the bite. The warm liquid felt good on my raw throat and I took the next bite more willingly. I was only able to eat half the bowl, but Liam was satisfied with that. He encouraged me to take a couple more drinks of the Gatorade before letting me fall asleep. As soon as I closed my eyes, I was out.

“Ruby?” I felt Liam’s hand brush my cheek, but I ignored him. I was still so tired… “Ruby, wake up… come on,” Liam sounded a bit more urgent, and he shook my shoulder gently. I opened my eyes halfway, being met by his blue eyes staring at me. “Ruby, you’re boiling. Your fever is skyrocketing, you need to take more medicine.” “Mmm, so sleepy…” I murmured, already about to doze off again. Liam shook me more urgently. “Ruby!” My eyes snapped open, but I couldn’t hold my head upright. My chest tightened as more coughing rumbled out. It hurt so bad… it felt like I was going to cough out my lung. It was deep in my chest, and wet. I could feel the mucus coming up with each cough. I put a fist to my mouth in an attempt to cover the droplets flying from my mouth. Liam was at my side, holding me up into a sitting position and letting me use him as a support. I could not catch my breath. I was gasping, but whenever I tried to inhale, I just kept coughing, and coughing, and coughing. Right when I thought I was going to pass out, I was able to take a sharp inhale of air. The coughing subsided, leaving me sitting there, gulping in air and clenching Liam’s shirt in my fists. Liam pressed his forehead against mine, visibly grimacing against the heat that I could feel rolling off of my body. “You’re going to be okay,” He told me, cupping my cheeks in his hands. “I’m going to make sure you get better, okay? I promise.” I nodded, too weak and exhausted to even say anything in response. “I checked your temp while you were sleeping. It’s up to 103.2. You need to take some more Tylenol, okay? It’s been six hours, so Chubs said it’s okay to take some more.” I nodded. Holding me up, Liam helped me take the two pills, holding the Gatorade bottle to my lips and helping me take little sips. He then lowered me back down on the couch and draped a cold rag over my forehead. I sighed, feeling relief from the fever as well as the migraine that had been raging for three days. Within minutes, I was out.

14 notes · View notes

dylan-ohbrien · 8 years

Text

A Place to Call Home pt. 5

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR

Pairing: Dylan O'Brien x Reader

Wordcount: 7,069

Warnings: Mentions of the assault, language, miscarriage

A/N: To be honest, I thought this would come out better than I think it actually did. The idea was there, not sure the writing lived up to the idea lol. Again, thanks to Chloe ( @writing-obrien ) for helping me with the idea! I hope you guys like it! Let me know what you think!

It felt as though my heart stopped when those three little words left his lips. I wasn’t even sure I’d heard him right until I questioned him and his reaction told me I’d heard exactly what I thought I did. I watched him for a moment, trying to process what he had just told me.

“I love you too.” I said finally causing him to whip his head around and look at me.

“You do?” He asked as if he was surprised by what I said.

“I do. So much.” I admitted, I think I had known for a while but was too scared to ever say anything.

Dylan smiled down at me, I could see the happiness in his eyes which only made me smile and cause butterflies to flutter in my stomach. He leaned down and softly pressed his lips against mine, careful not to cause me any pain. I kissed him back, smiling into it as I reached up to rest a hand on his cheek.

“I love you so much.” He whispered as we parted. “I think I’ve loved you since the moment I caught you in my arms in the club. And I know it’s crazy that I already feel this way, we’ve only known each other a little over a month but I’ve never felt this way with anyone before. It’s like I’ve found this piece of me that’s been missing, it sounds so cheesy but it’s like I finally feel whole when I’m with you.” Dylan’s tone was sincere, I could tell he meant every word he said which only made me fall for him even more.

“It’s not cheesy,” I smiled, “well it is but it’s okay because I feel the same way. It’s like when I’m with you I feel like I can finally breathe, like I’m home.” I said softly, my hand searching for his and tangling our fingers together once I found it.

I had never felt something for someone the way I felt for Dylan. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was finally learning what it meant when someone said they’d found their soul mate, something I’d never really believed in until now.

“Ms. [Y/L/N]?” I heard an unfamiliar voice say causing Dylan and I to look away from each other, “I’m Dr. Robbins, I’ve been overseeing your care while you’ve been here. It’s nice to finally meet you.” The woman said walking over to me and holding her hand out for me to shake. “I just wanted to come and talk to you about a few things now that you’re awake, let you know what’s going on with everything.”

The doctor pulled up a stool and sat down next to my bed before reaching out and introducing herself to Dylan with a handshake.

“Dylan.” He said simply with a smile. He moved off the bed and sat down in the chair next to me, taking my hand once more after getting settled.

“Well as I’m sure your nurses have told you, all of your scans from today look good, you seem to be healing well and at a normal rate. The trauma to your head caused some swelling in your brain which is what caused you to fall unconscious for so long but the swelling has gone down a lot and should be gone completely in the next couple days. Your skull was fractured along with your occipital bone and jaw. The jaw fracture was minor so, we were able to avoid wiring your mouth shut. You’ve got some stables in the back of your head where the trauma was and some stitches there on your cheek which I’m sure you’ve seen. The staples we’ll be able to remove in a couple days and the stitches should start dissolving on their own soon. You also suffered a stab wound to your side which caused a lot of internal damage and caused you to lose a lot of blood.” Hearing everything that those girls had done to me made me sick to my stomach and I could feel myself start to shake, my mind flashing back to that night. Dylan noticed and placed his other hand on top of our hands that were linked and gently gave my hand a squeeze to try and calm me before the doctor continued. “There was also a lot of vaginal trauma from whatever they used to penetrate you-“

“A golf club.” I whispered, tears beginning to fall.

“What?” Both the doctor and Dylan said at the same time.

“They u-used a golf club.” I sobbed, unable to control it anymore. Hearing about my injuries, remembering what they did to me all made it real and I couldn’t take it.

“Oh baby…” Dylan said and I could feel him move closer to me. “Shhh..” He cooed.

Dylan moved back to the bed and pulled me into his side gently, holding me close to him. He stroked my hair gently and kissed the top of my head, I could feel myself slowly starting to calm down the longer he held me until eventually my breathing had slowed and the tears began to dry on my cheeks.

“I know this all must be hard to process,” the doctor finally spoke after a few minutes of letting me cry. “And I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but due to all the vaginal trauma and the trauma from the stab wound, you lost the baby.” I looked over at her, eyes wide confused at what I had just heard.

“B-Baby?” I asked in a stutter.

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” I heard Dylan say, obviously confused as well.

“You were about six weeks along. We were able to repair most of the damage that was caused but unfortunately you may not be able to have children in the future. I’m so sorry.” I heard the doctor speaking but I wasn’t comprehending it.

I felt like I couldn’t move, like the world around me had stopped. I didn’t know what to do, what to think, what to feel. I was completely numb.

“We should be able to have you out of here in about a week. If you need anything just let your nurse know.” I heard the doctor say and felt a hand on my shoulder, then heard footsteps leaving the room.

“[Y/N]?” Dylan asked but I stayed silent, what was I supposed to say?

I heard Dylan sigh next to me, his arms wrapped around me and pulled me into him once more, his hand resting on my head, fingers playing with my hair lightly. I closed my eyes as tightly as I could hoping that maybe everything that had happened was just a horrible nightmare. When I opened my eyes I was still in the hospital, tears began falling freely from them. When Dylan noticed he only held me tighter, his head resting on top of mine, gently rubbing my back. Finally, a loud sob escaped my throat, there was no stopping it.

“Shh, I’ve got you love, I’ve got you.” Dylan whispered as he held me and just let me cry.

“No! No, please stop…please…Stop!!!” My legs were kicking furiously, my arms swinging trying to get them off of me but nothing worked. They wouldn’t stop. They wouldn’t leave me alone. They were going to kill me and there was nothing I could do to stop them.

“[Y/N]! Baby! Wake up. You’re dreaming. [Y/N], it’s me! It’s Dylan, you need to wake up, you’re having a nightmare.” I heard his voice and my eyes shot open. His arms were holding me tightly as he tried to keep me from moving everywhere, trying to calm me down. “It’s okay, it’s okay…you’re okay.” He said softly.

I couldn’t breathe. It felt like the air had been sucked out of my chest and I couldn’t get it back. I tried to get a breath but nothing happened, again I tried but it was like my lungs were glued shut.

“I c-ca-can’t..I can’t b-breathe.” I wheezed, tears starting to form in my eyes from fear. A machine next to me had started beeping which must have alerted a nurse because she came rushing in.

“I think she’s having a panic attack.” Dylan told her.

The nurse grabbed a mask and placed it over my face, “breathe, honey.” She told me and I tried once more to take a breath. “Close your eyes and count to ten then take another breath.” I did as she said and closed my eyes, counting slowly in my head. Once I got to ten I tried taking another breath. This time I could actually feel air fill my lungs. “Good, and again.” I repeated it a few more times before my breathing had finally returned to normal.

The nurse removed the mask from my face then began cleaning up my arm. I looked down at it and noticed that my IV had come out causing blood to drip down my arm. She put the IV back in, checked my vitals and then headed back out of the room. I leaned back in bed, Dylan still sitting next to me. I could feel his eyes on me, like he wanted to ask what happened but at the same time, he knew exactly what it was. He sighed and I finally looked over at him, he had a sad look on his face, like he didn’t know what to say to make it better.

“I’m sorry…” I told him looking away again, feeling to ashamed to make eye contact. I didn’t know why he was even still here, I had gotten pregnant after sleeping with him twice, knowing him a month, then lost the baby, he had no reason to still be here when he could be back working on his movie and moving on with his life.

“Hey,” He said softly, placing his hand under my chin and gently turning my head to look at him, leaning down so we were closer together. “[Y/N], you have absolutely nothing, nothing to be sorry for.” He said shaking his head. “You haven’t done anything wrong, there is no reason for you to apologize for anything, love.” Dylan’s voice was soft as he gently brushed his thumb over my cheek wiping away a tear that had fallen.

I nodded, closing my eyes as a few more tears fell. I didn’t understand why he was being so supportive, so nice, when I had basically ruined his life.

“Ma’am?” A deep male voice said causing me to look towards the door. I saw two cops, standing there, holding a folder. “We need to ask you some questions about the night you were attacked.” He said again walking closer to my bed.

“O-Okay,” I said, sighing trying to calm myself down. I knew this was only going to bring back the memories, memories that I only wanted to forget.

Dylan sat by my side the whole time, I could only image what he was thinking as he heard me explain what the girls had done to me. He probably thought I was weak, that I should have fought harder, that I should have yelled, something. Hell, I thought I was weak, I thought all those things about myself, of course he would think them about me too. Finally, the cops told me about what had happened at my apartment, that Dylan had been there and caught the girls but they needed me to identify them. They showed me a couple sheets of paper that had nine pictures each on them. The second I saw the girls who attacked me I felt the air leave my chest, it felt like I was living that night all over again. After I pointed them out the officers told me that they had confessed they just needed me to confirm it was them before they officially charged them. I was told there wouldn’t have to be a trail since they had confessed which was a relief, the sooner I could try and forget what happened the better. I didn’t think I would be able to live through having to tell anyone what happened again.

After the cops left Liz and Tyler came by to visit, it was nice to see them, especially Liz. The boys left the room and let us have some time alone. She told me about what was going on with her and Tyler, what had been going on in her life with work and everything, it was nice to have something to talk about other than what had happened to me. My parents came by too, they talked mostly about how much they loved Dylan and thought I had picked a “keeper” with him. I hadn’t exactly pictured my parents meeting him while I was unconscious in the hospital, but at least they liked him, although at this point I wasn’t sure how much longer he would be around.

The next few days went by slowly but Dylan was there each second, always making sure I was doing okay. A few of my friends came by to visit, the cops came back by to tell me the girls has been charged and locked away so that I had nothing to worry about, it was over. The staples in my head came out, the stitches in my cheek and on my side came out, the doctors did one last x-ray and scan to make sure everything was healing okay. Thankful, they said I was healing rather quickly and I was finally in good enough shape to go home.

While the nurse left to go get my discharge papers ready I changed into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, it felt good to wear some real clothes for a change.

“So…..I was thinking…” Dylan said nervously making me look at him, a slightly confused look on my face, he never sounded nervous. He was looking down at his hands, twiddling his thumbs nervously. “I think you should come to LA with me.” He said finally.

“Dylan, I don’t know...” I said with a sigh, looking away from him.

“I know your job is here and everything but…I want you to move in with me. I want you near me so I can keep you safe. And Liz and Tyler are there so if for some reason, I have to leave and you can’t come they can stay with you and make sure you’re okay. You can bring your pets, I have no problem with that. When you’re all healed, you can look for a teaching job out there, they need more amazing teachers like you in Los Angeles anyways.” I couldn’t help but smile as I listened to him list off all the reasons I should go with him. “And your apartment...well it would probably be easier to just pack stuff up than get it cleaned up.” He said reaching over and taking me hand. “I know it’s a huge step but I love you and I want to do whatever I can to keep you safe. Please, at least just think about it.”

“Okay, I’ll do it.” I grinned and took his hand.

“That’s all I can ask for.” He said with a sigh and I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.

“No, I mean I’ll move to LA, I’ll move in with you.” I told him.

“Oh…Oh! Oh my god okay, yes! Great. Perfect.” I laughed at his reaction, it was almost as if he hadn’t expected me to actually agree to it. “You’re not going to regret it.” He pulled me into him, his arms holding me tightly. I wrapped my arms around his stomach and rested my head against his chest, closing my eyes and sighing to myself.

“I love you.” I told him, just before the nurse walked in with papers for me to sign.

After all the paperwork was signed and all my flowers and cards that had been sent to me were gathered up the nurse helped me into a wheel chair, apparently it was required, and rolled me out of the hospital. Liz was waiting for us in her rental car with Tyler. They all loaded everything in and we made our way to my apartment. I was nervous to see just how much damage the girls had done, nervous to see how much I had lost because of them.

We pulled up outside my building, the first time I had been there since the attack, and chills went up my spine.

“I can’t do this.” I said when I stepped out of the car, Dylan walking around the car to stand next to me. He wrapped his arm around me and gave me a small squeeze to try and reassure me.

“It’s okay, we’re all here, you’re going to be fine. We’re going to go in, pack up the things you need and then we’ll go to a hotel for the night. You can do this.” He grabbed my hand and linked our fingers together, leading me up the stairs to my apartment.

I took a deep breath and walked into my apartment, the second I walked through the door I froze, the whole place was destroyed. Shelves were knocked down, pictures frames were shattered, pictures were ripped, furniture torn up, it was like I was walking into a home that wasn’t mine. I was just thankful my parents were still talking care of my pets when all of this happened.

The four of us started picking some of the mess up. I didn’t worry about salvaging any of the furniture since I knew Dylan had everything we needed in his place. I started packing up my clothes, filling up suitcases until everything was out of my drawers and closet. I walked over to my bed and saw the picture of Dylan and I that had been sitting next to it torn to shreds. My heart broke that all of this happened just because we had fallen in love and someone couldn’t accept it.

“It’s not fair…” I whispered, mostly to myself as I sat down on my bed looking at the ripped up picture. I felt the bed move and looked over to see Dylan sitting next to me.

“We’ll take more pictures.” He said softly taking my hand.

“It’s not just the picture. It’s all of this. They tried to kill me, tried to destroy my life just because I fell in love with you and you feel in love with me. They ruined everything.” I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand trying not to cry, I was so tired of crying.

“They didn’t ruin everything. They didn’t ruin us. You still have me, I’m not going anywhere.” Dylan kissed the side of my head and pulled me into his side carefully.

After I spent the next few minutes crying I put myself back together and finished packing up my things so we could get going. I decided it would be best to just have my stuff shipped to Dylan’s place in California instead of trying to check it all on the plane so we stopped by a FedEx store and dropped it all off to be shipped. Once we were finally at the hotel the four of us ordered room service and put on a movie, things were starting to slowly feel like they were getting back to normal.

Once the movie was over Tyler and Dylan stepped out on the balcony to smoke and Liz slid over to me on the couch, wrapping her arms around me in a big hug.

“I’m so glad you’re okay. I’m so glad you’re moving to LA.” She grinned. “I knew it was only a matter of time before you joined me out there. I’m just sorry this is what it took.” She shrugged. I nodded and gave her a weak smile, resting my head on her shoulder. “Hey..” She said making me lift my head back up. “What’s wrong? You’ve been really quiet, even with Dylan.”

I knew she was right, I had been quiet, I was just hoping no one had really noticed or chalked it up to me just getting out of the hospital. Liz knew better though, she could see right through me and could always tell when something was wrong. I had told her about the attack and everything but I hadn’t told her everything that had happened to me because of it, I didn’t know how.

“[Y/N] you know you can tell me anything.” She said sitting up straighter when she noticed how I tensed up.

“I um…I didn’t tell you everything,” I said glancing at her quickly before looking away.

“What else did they do?” She asked, fear and worry in her voice.

“I didn’t know…I didn’t know until the doctor told me when I woke up that I…” Tears started to fall, again with the fucking tears, I was surprised I still had any left. Liz placed her hand on my back rubbing it lightly. “I was p-pregnant an-and the…the assault and the stabbing c-caus-ed me to l-lose it.” I had never said it out until that moment. Saying it out loud made it real.

“Oh [Y/N].” She said pulling me into her tightly as I began to sob.

“Th-They don’t know i-if I’ll ev-ever be able to…to have k-kids now.” I cried into her shoulder. “H-He hasn’t said it b-but I think D-Dylan is mad a-about it and he’s prob-ably going to b-break up with me because w-why would he wa-want to waste hi-his time with s-some-someone who c-can’t give him a fa-family? He’s j-just doing a-all this b-because he feels s-sorry for me. I know it.” It’s like everything I was thinking and feeling over the last few days was finally coming out and there was no stopping it.

Liz let me cry, she let me get it all out without saying anything or trying to prove me wrong. She just listened and comforted me. That’s what I needed. Eventually I calmed down and felt like I could hold an actual conversation. I was surprised the boys had been outside for so long, but thankful because this wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have with Dylan or let Tyler hear.

“I’m so sorry, [Y/N]. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through with any of this, especially that. But I do know that you’re wrong about Dylan. He loves you, he’s crazy in love with you. He flew across the world to be with you. I’ve never seen anyone love someone as much as he loves you. He would never leave you because of this. Besides, you don’t even know if they’re right. You could still get pregnant, you never know.” She was trying to reassure me that everything would be okay but it was too hard for me to believe. Why would anyone want to stay in a relationship with someone who couldn’t give them a family? “You just have to give it time, you’ll get through this. You’ve made it this far.” She smiled and I did my best to smile back to show her I believed her, even though I wasn’t sure I did.

It’s been a few weeks since [Y/N] moved in with me in LA and I felt so much better knowing that she was close and I could get to her quickly if need be. I was taking a few weeks off from the movie to make sure she was situated and feeling okay about everything here. Most of the time we spent getting her things moved in, I let her do some redecorating so that she would feel more at home. I wanted her to feel like this was also her place, I didn’t want her to feel like she was a guest in my house. It was ours now.

Ever since we’d gotten to LA something about her had been different. She wasn’t talking to me as much, she never seemed to want to do anything, she was distant and not the girl I knew. It worried me. I knew that she was probably processing everything from the attack to the baby to the move but the way she seemed to be doing it didn’t seem like it would do much good. Whenever I would talk to her she would give me one word responses, she would want to spend most of her time alone in the bedroom, I couldn’t help but feel like I had done something wrong.

Usually whenever I would have to leave the house Liz would come over and stay with [Y/N], I didn’t want her to be alone and I’m not sure she was comfortable with it yet either. However after a few days of convincing me that she was ready to stay home by herself while I ran errands I finally agreed. It made me anxious but I knew I couldn’t hover over her forever.

“You’re sure you’ll be okay?” I asked walking over to her at the kitchen counter.

“I’ll be fine, I promise.” She smiled at me which was reassuring.

“Alright, well just call me if you need anything, I should be back in a couple hours. Love you.” I gave her a kiss and made my way out the door.

I was meeting Liz for lunch, it seemed like [Y/N] had been talking to her lately more than she had me and I needed to find out if there was something going on. I tapped my fingers nervously on the steering wheel of my car the whole way there, I just needed everything to be okay, I didn’t want to hear that she was planning on leaving me which is what it felt like her behavior was leading up to.

I pulled into the parking lot and sighed, trying to relax myself before getting out of the car and headed inside. I saw Liz sitting at a table by the window, she waved me down and I gave her a smile, walking over to join her with a quick hug.

“Hey, thanks for coming.” I said pulling out my chair and sitting down across from her.

“Of course, is everything okay?” She asked, taking a sip of her water that was on the table.

“Well, I’m actually hoping you can tell me that.” I told her just before the waitress came over to take our orders.

“What do you mean?” Liz looked at me as if she had no clue why I would need to ask her if everything was okay.

“Has [Y/N] said anything lately about…being unhappy with me or…I don’t know…anything?” I asked, sure I sounded crazy by the look on her face.

“What? Of course not! Why on earth would you think that?” Her eyebrows furrowed, looking at me like I had two heads. I sighed and shrugged my shoulders taking a sip of my drink before responding.

“I don’t know she’s just been weird lately. She hardly talks to me, she acts like she doesn’t want me around, she’s distant and I just get this feeling that…maybe she’s thinking of leaving me and I don’t understand. I don’t understand what I did wrong. What I did to make her start acting like this.” Our food was delivered as I went on my rant, I’m sure the waitress probably thought I was some pussy who needed to man up, on the verge of crying.

“Dylan, that’s not it.” Liz finally said after the waitress left our table. She sighed and I knew she knew exactly what was going on. I was upset that [Y/N] felt like there was something she couldn’t tell me but glad that whatever it was, it wasn’t that she wanted to leave me.

“Then what is it?” I asked her impatiently.

“She thinks that you’re going to want to leave her.” When those words left her mouth I almost choked on my food. I couldn’t imagine what I had done to make her think that.

“What? Why would she think that?” I questioned the girl furiously needing answers.

“I’ve tried to tell her a million times that she’s wrong but she can’t seem to get it through her head. She feels like you’re not going to want to be with her now that she might not be able to have children. She thinks she’s a waste of your time.” I felt my heart break when Liz finally told me what had been going on with [Y/N] and I wracked my brain trying to figure out what I could have said or done to make her feel that way.

“I would never leave her because of that. I would never her leave her ever. Why does she think that?” I asked hoping maybe Liz knew something I didn’t but she just shook her head.

“I don’t know, I think it’s just her mind telling her these things, I don’t think it’s anything you did. Deep down I’m sure she knows you would never leave her, especially for that reason but I think all the hate and the attack just has her feeling really…worthless.” She shrugged. “Oh, she also thinks you’re leaving her because you didn’t ask her to go back to South Africa with you.”

I took my baseball cap off my head and ran my fingers through my hair before placing the cap back.

“I didn’t ask her to go because I didn’t think she would want to do that much traveling or be that far away from her family after all this.” I sighed resting my head in my hands. “I have to fix this, I have to tell her she’s wrong, I wouldn’t leave her even if it was certain that she couldn’t have kids.”

Liz and I chatted for a little while longer while we finished our food. I was glad to finally have an answer as to why [Y/N] had been so distant lately but now all I wanted to do was get back to her and tell her how I really felt. Liz and I hugged goodbye and went our separate ways. On my way home I stopped at the store and picked up her favorite ice cream and a bouquet of orchids and lilies, remembering that she had told me they were her favorite when we were getting her ankle looked at. Once I was home I stopped in the kitchen to put the ice cream away and made my way into the living room where [Y/N] was laying on the couch watching Friends.

“Hey beautiful.” I smiled, sitting down next to her and holding out the flowers for her. She smiled, a bigger smile that what had crossed her face before I left earlier.

“What are these for?” She questioned as she took them, smelling them. She closed her eyes as she took in the smell, smiling to herself as she did.

“Because I love you.” I stated simply. She looked up at me over the flowers, a questioning look on her face. “I had lunch with Liz, she told me why you’ve been acting so distant lately.” I confessed. She set the flowers down on the coffee table, turning away from me.

“I just don’t understand why you would want to keep wasting your time with me when I’ll never be able to give you a family.” She spoke softly, the weak sound of her voice breaking my heart. I hated seeing her like that, doubting herself, feeling like she wasn’t enough.

“Hey,” I said moving over closer to her making her turn to look at me. “I don’t care if the doctors say you may not be able to have kids. That doesn’t change how much I love you. That doesn’t change the fact that until I met you, I never knew what being in love really felt like.” I said placing my hands gently on her cheeks.

“But I’m damaged.” She whispered, looking down to not make eye contact.

“[Y/N], you are so far from damaged, to me you’re perfect. You’re everything I could ever want in someone and so much more.” I dipped my head down trying to get her to look at me, when she finally did I smiled at her.

“But I can’t give you a fam-“ I stopped her before she could finish.

“If you can’t get pregnant then that’s something we’ll deal with, there are other ways to have a family, there are so many kids out there that don’t have anyone, we could adopt, have a surrogate, we have options baby, but we don’t even know for sure that you won’t be able to get pregnant, so don’t let that control your life.” I told her hopefully. “We will have a family one day.” I smiled and saw her searching my face.

“So…you see us lasting that long?” She questioned and I couldn’t help the small laugh that fell from my lips.

“Well you obviously do, why is it so crazy that I do too?” I asked and just got a shrug from her in response. “I can see myself with you for the rest of my life.” I confessed, “you’re not getting rid of me that easily.” I winked and pulled her into me, falling back on the couch.

I kissed her softly, my fingers tangling in her hair gently as she slowly started to kiss me back. Her hands rested on my chest, her hair falling around us.

“You’re amazing,” she whispered against my lips, “how did I get so lucky?” she questioned and I shook my head.

“I’m the one who got lucky.” I told her, kissing her again.

We stayed like that for a while, kissing and enjoying each other’s company. I rolled over onto my side, my back to the TV, her back to the couch. I laid there staring at her, happy that things were finally starting to feel normal again.

“I’ve missed this so much. I’ve missed you.” I told her, brushing a few stray strands of hair from her face and behind her ear.

“Me too.” She agreed and leaned in to kiss me which I happily returned.

Our legs tangled together as I pulled her closer to me, our bodies pressed together, our lips mingling with passion. This continued for a few moments, our lips turning red and puffy from the fiction they had been missing for so long. We were soon brought out of the moment when my phone began buzzing in my front pocket. Groaning, pulled back from the kiss and pulled my phone out to see who was calling, I sighed when I saw it was Wes, knowing I had to answer.

“Hello?” I said giving [Y/N] a small smile of apology.

“Hey Dylan, listen, I’ve got some bad news.” I rolled my eyes, sure I already knew what he was going to say.

“What is it?” I asked, sliding down so I was on my back, letting [Y/N] rest on my chest.

“We’ve had some scheduling mistakes and we’re going to need you back here in the next few days instead of next week.” By the tone of his voice I could tell her felt bad about it but it was still disappointing to hear.

“Alright, well I’ll see about getting the next flight available.” I sighed.

“Thanks man, and sorry about this, I know you’ve got a lot going on, we just can’t risk losing any more time.” He said and I nodded even though he couldn’t see it.

“I understand, I’ll let you know when I get it sorted. Bye.” I said and hung up, shoving my phone back into my pocket.

“What’s wrong?” [Y/N] asked looking up at me.

“They need me back to set sooner than we’d agreed on, something about scheduling mistakes or something.” I told her, seeing a hint of sadness cross her face. “You should come with me.” I finally said and her eyes widened.

“What? I thought…you hadn’t asked me before so I thought you didn’t want me there.” She said sitting up so we could both see each other better. I quickly shook my head, remembering that Liz had said she thought something like that.

“No! Of course I want you there, I just hadn’t suggested it because I didn’t think you would want to be that far from your parents or be traveling for that long. I want you to come.” I told her sitting up as well.

“Really?” She asked, smiling with eyebrows raised. I laughed and nodded.

“Yes, really.” I reassured her.

“Okay, I’ll come!” She said excitedly. It was so nice to finally see her happy and excited for a change.

“Great, I’ll get a flight booked for us, why don’t you go start packing, then when you’re done, there’s some ice cream in the freezer we’ll need to eat.” I winked as she headed up the stairs.

I booked two tickets on the next flight out that we would be able to make and sent Wes all the info so he knew when we’d be arriving. I called Tyler and asked if he would be willing to take the animals while we were gone, he already had some so I knew he wouldn’t mind a couple more. Once everything was all sorted out I headed upstairs and found [Y/N] sitting in the closet surrounded by a pile of clothes, the sight making me laugh.

“I think you’re going to need a bigger suitcase if that’s the way you pack.” I winked at her and she rolled her eyes at me before throwing a shirt at me.

“Shut up! I’m not use to packing to be gone for months at a time and I don’t know anything about what it’s like there, is it hot? Does it get cold? Should I take anything dressy? There’s just so many options.” She said looking around at the clothes in front of her. I laughed again and grabbed my suitcase from the shelf.

“It’s hot, so pack cool clothes, we may go out occasionally so if you want to pack something nice you can, sometimes it can get cold at night so you may want a pair of sweats or something. But anything you don’t pack, we can always go shopping for when we get there. That’s usually what I end up doing, I pack some stuff but then buy more while I’m gone because there ends up being something I forgot or didn’t even think I’d need.” I told her while I threw some shirts and shorts into my bag, most of my stuff was still there from before.

I helped [Y/N] finish packing up her clothes then we moved on to packing up her toiletries and extra things she wanted to take with her like a pillow, some books, and movies. Once we had everything together I hauled everything downstairs setting them by the door.

“Oh, I called Tyler and he said he’d be happy to watch the pets while we’re gone and I’m sure he’d be happy to let them facetime you.” I winked knowing how much she would miss them.

“Perfect.” She said picking up the cat that I had grown awfully fond of and scratching its head. “So where’s that ice cream?” She asked setting the cat back down and heading towards the kitchen.

I laughed and pulled it out of the freezer while she grabbed a couple spoons from the drawer. I hopped up on the counter and she joined me, digging her spoon in right away.

“They’re not going to mind that I’m there, right? Like I know they were okay with me visiting but this is going to be a lot longer than that, they’re okay with it?” She asked, swinging her legs back and forth.

“Yeah, they’re not going to mind at all. Besides, Kaya’s husband is there too so it would be wrong of them to be okay with that and not you. And, I think everyone is really excited to finally meet you.” I told her, shrugging as I licked my spoon. “Also, they were probably getting annoyed just hearing me talk about you all the time so maybe if you’re there I won’t have to do that.” I winked and nudged her side playfully.

“You talk about me a lot?” She questioned.

“Well yeah, I mean I had to make sure they knew how amazing my girlfriend is.” She laughed but I saw a blush forming on her cheeks making her look even more beautiful than I thought possible. When I looked at her I noticed a drip of chocolate on her chin. Smirking, I leaned over and kissed it off, letting my tongue brush against her skin. “You had some ice cream there.” I winked, then kissed her lips quickly.

“Thanks,” she said, the blush on her cheeks only growing.

It didn’t take long before we had finished the entire tub of ice cream and both felt like our stomachs were going to pop from so much of it. I tossed it in the trash and washed off our spoons, putting them away after drying them. Looking over at the time I realized that we had to be at the airport in just five hours to get through security to make our flight on time.

“Come on love, we should get some rest, tomorrow is going to be a long day.” I told her, taking her hand and leading her upstairs.

We both changed out of our clothes, I put on a pair of pajama pants, she put on one of my t-shirts and crawled into bed. Although we had been sharing a bed every night since she moved in she would usually lay off to the side, facing away from me so, when she moved next to me and curled into my side I welcomed the gesture and wrapped my arms around her. She rested her head on my chest as I pulled the covers over our bodies. I sighed happily to myself, running my fingers through her hair, feeling myself drifting off to sleep. I knew this was the girl I was going to marry someday.

“Dylan! H-help!” I shot up at the sound of her voice, yelling, panic filling my body.

#dylan o'brien #dylan o'brien fic #dylan o'brien imagine #aptch

170 notes · View notes