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#cause i need to take care of myself first
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Touch Starved 1 (Scenarios) Yandere Upper Moons X Gender Neutral Prisoner Reader (Demon Slayer)
[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! I am back with another request! This one is going to be a mini-series of the Yandere Upper Moons x gender-neutral human prisoner reader and what they do if they hugged them! Now let's do this! This will have at least Kokushibo, Doma, and MAYBE Akaza as well! I hope you all enjoy this chapter!]
(Disclaimer: None of the Upper Moons are Yandere, well except for Maybe Doma, that man is a kinda sussy! This is just for fun and Not to be Taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine, just do not be illegal or gross about it! You know who you are! You Dirty, Flaky, Biscuits! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life! Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon! Thank you!)
(Kokushibo, Upper Moon 1) (A Forgotten Fondness)
(Kokushibo's POV)
I have my human companion, their name is (Name). I take good care of them. At first, they would try and run. I caught them each time and would spank them. I would never cause permanent damage to my darling. I would not be able to live with myself. They did not like me touching them. So I never forced my affections onto them. Even though I wanted to hold them while they slept. I missed being able to hold someone in my arms. As demons we did not need to sleep, but like fish we could sort of rest.
So every night I would lay next to them, I would watch them as they fell asleep. Their back always turned to me. I am reading a book since I could read in the dark. I then heard them roll over and their leg was the first thing on me.
Their leg is draped over my two legs and they then slowly wrapped their arms around me and laid their head on my chest. I could tell by their heartbeat that they were awake. Their heart is racing and I can tell they are nervous about what I would do. I stayed still and then I wrapped an arm around them and pulled them closer.
They squeak, tensing up, but soon relax and they fall asleep on my chest. I forgot how much I loved this. They will be sleeping while hugging me from now on. I cannot let my (Name) go another night, not embracing me!
(Doma, Upper Moon 2) (Icy Hugs)
(Doma's POV)
It was hot, or at least that is what my followers were saying. I run cold, even more than other demons. When I was a human my temp ran a bit cool as well. I was worried about my little snow bunny. They were my human pet! They were the only one to make me feel. I adore them and so I kept them nice and safe with me!
Some would say that they are a prisoner! I disagree! I was keeping my snow bunny safe. Without me, they could die! I could not let that happen. Also, I adore being able to be near them and to love them! I love my snow bunny, I know they put up a fight, but I know I am also wearing them down! They are sure to fall in love with me sooner or later.  I finished my duties for the night and came back to see (Name) They were lying on the western bed and they were in absolutely nothing at all. They looked up at me and groaned as I walked in.  "Is someone not feeling-" I start and they Suddenly they got up into a sitting and pulled me down into a hug.  I feel my cheeks flush and my heart race.  "Shut up!" They whine into my neck. "Hold me... It is too hot... I don't like it." 
They needed me, they wanted me to hold them! Oh, Thank Lord Muzan. I climbed into bed with them and stripped my clothes. So my full cold body can press up against them.  They let out a happy noise and buried their face into my neck. I love them so much and I am NEVER Letting them go~ 
(Akaza, Upper Moon 3) (Deep Rooted Loneliness)  (Akaza's POV)) 
It sucked being up at the top. I wanted to have a friend, someone I could bond with and become stronger with. I had been lonely since I became a demon. Although I would never admit it to anyone. I was not going to let anyone know that weakness I had. Lord Muzan had made it clear that feelings like that were weak.  Then I met them, they were like no one I have ever met and I wanted them. When they refused to become a demon, I knew I could not let them go. So I kidnapped them and got Lord Muzan to let me keep them. They had been angry and fought me every day. I loved it! I love fighting them and them fighting back against me.  I would praise them every time they landed a hit on me! I felt so alive and I did not give up in asking them to become a demon. They always told me to fuck off.  Of course, it could not stay like this, after a while they seemed to give up. Their fire had been snuffed and they just sat staring at the wall. I had to force them to eat because I refused to let them die. I tried to goad them into fights, arguments, anything. They just stared at the wall, holding themselves.  This week was no different. So I left them alone to look for the spider Lily. It was the first time I had to leave them at all. I had a demon taking care of them for this week, and when I came back they had thrown their food on the ground and they tore up the room.  They saw me and I was certain they would fight me. Although they did not. They wrapped their arms around my waist and cried into my chest. I realized that this whole time I had been gone they had been alone except for food. They felt as if I left them and did not want them. They had missed me. 
They hug me tight to them and I rub my back. I was pleased that they needed me for emotions and physical touch. I also wish that I had not had to hurt them again. I know lord Muzan will make me leave them again for another mission. I hated the idea of them being lonely. Although... If they are willing to hug me afterward or maybe even more. It might be worth it~ 
I love holding them in my arms~ 
[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS part 1 done! I hope you all enjoyed this! The next one will be Hantengu or his clones or all of them! So keep an eye out! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter here, and please Stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!]
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favorite psych fics??? 👀
i honestly haven't read too-too many but here's an incomplete list:
food is life, and life hates juliet. this was the first one i read and i found it through @/thespiritssaidso answering my ask about spoiler free psych fics and it's so cute aksjsjdbs. i wrote a short little continuation here but it's a spoiler free shules sickfic/whump and it's pretty short and i've read it like 3 times bc it makes my feet kick. @/thespiritssaidso (Isolation68 on ao3) writes a bunch of really cute shassie stuff too but i like juliet far too much for this not to be my favorite of their work.
hidden emotions. it's less than 1k but just really good. it's pov second person (following jules) and has spoilers for the season 3 finale, but i love it a lot. i found it from someone answering my spoiler free psych post telling me to sort by date updated on ao3- which like- i wish i could find that notification and give you a hug bc that changed my life lol. i really really loved reading like a detached 2nd person fic, it's so well written because it doesn't make you feel like juliet but it gives so much information on her thoughts and feelings which was just a really cool experience and inspired me to write this (which i swear i will update soon i have like half of the next chapter on my notes app), which slight spoilers for season 4 but it's cannon divergence. anyway i love the concept and i love the execution and i love juliet o'hara
the door before me is open just enough. it's just really cute. another shules one shot i found the same way and it really stands up to re-reading
love game. fluff and smut, shules one shot i found the same way. there are a couple sexy shules fics that i love but for some reason this is the only one i have bookmarked. it's so good and the author does a really good job of keeping the characters believable throughout. theres some shawn and gus friendship stuff and karen vick, i just like it a lot
there are a lot more but these were most if the ones i bookmarked, if you're interested there are like 60 fics when you search psych >> shules >> english >> updated between 2006-2011, they're all pretty short (6k max i think) and probably 50 of them i liked so definitely check that out lol
edit: @/attic-nights was the one who told me to sort by updated on ao3!!! you are my favorite i love you so much go send them hugs lol
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ozymoron · 7 months
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reading posts that come across my dash and sitting for a minute to debate with my mental disorder if not reblogging this will mean a hell portal will open beneath my feet and i will suffer for eternity for my lack of action or if its all good and i can just scroll on by (its usually the hell portal thing)
#⚠️#personal#having ocd makes making moral decisions so fucking hard for no reason#cause ill see a post thats like info or seems important and like i can tell its that kind of post just by skimming it st first and somethin#clicks in my brain that just tells me if i dont share that post everyone will know and think im a horrible person#regardless of what the actual post is about#i need like a handbook on how to make proper moral decisions#cause like yeah i do care about things i try to share stuff about things i care about and believe are important but sometimes i dont have#the energy to read long as posts and my brain twists it to make it out that people will know and i am the bad guy#idk my ocds telling me even saying this makes me a bad person#the fact i even struggle with this#sometimes i think im not built for social media but really i think social medias not built for people like me#maybe i should get help for my ocd but the idea of describing all the shit going on in my brain to someone just makes me feel scared#cause like i dont know when to draw the line at making something a problem i should actively have a hand in helping#how much is too much when do i stop#<- in regards to my own mental health like the mental exhaustion that can come from it i hope this makes sense#like some things you gotta invest like emotional shit into and like sometimes im just tired and i come on here and im faced with one of#those posts and i just have to debate with myself what the fuck im supposed to do#this is more a me issue than anything i need to sort this shit out with some mental health professional or something#cause like i dont want to have people think i dont care about these things i do and ik pressing reblog takes like no energy but idk man#im not even sure if some of the shit i reblog is cause i care or is just an ocd compulsion#i feel like most times its both#i cant help but think im the problem here i want to be on social media its just so draining having my mind repeatedly hound me for not like#showing enough care (reblogging more posts) about a certain issue online#idk im so tired of it all im so tired of my mind i wish i didnt have ocd#vent#so funny right after i posted this i scrolled down and one of these posts was rigjt beneath it and the debate happens all over again#lord i need to get out of here
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give-soup-please · 9 months
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"is it depression, or am i between hyperfixations?"
-the title of give-soup-please's latest autobiography
#god help me if it's both lmao#this is not bad depression with ideation and the like#but it's manifesting as an extreme malaise#don't care about anything. don't want to do anything. just want to sit on couch.#i don't generally do well when i'm in between the hyperfixations#i need media to think about to keep me afloat#hmmmmm#so- neurodivergence comes in many forms#for me- i take great comfort in soothing myself with repetitive media#which means it's hard to branch out into new things#which leaves me in a position of 'i need to try something new to find something to latch on to'#and the other part of my brain starts screaming#i tend to get overly attached and ride the up and down waves to the extreme when it comes to experiencing new media for the first time#i generally spoiler myself for all new media so i can watch it and be mentally prepared to deal with it#but of course this causes my brain to stagnate and desire surprises while rejecting them outright#so i find myself in a complex position of-#'this old media isn't cutting it.'#'but i can't bear to try anything new right now'#'if i try something new i gotta vet it and look up all spoilers before heading in'#'because i'm feeling too fragile to handle catharsis that is too large right now'#(insert spongebob card here)#'my god it's been more than ten months since i've tried any new tv show or video game'#'i'm stagnating. can't move forward and i can't move back.'#'FUCK'#just wanna love the stuff i remember loving- you know?#yeah...#(melts into soup puddle on the floor)/neg
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insanechayne · 9 days
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~ ~ ~
#I hate who I am when I start missing human contact and feeling lonely#I start missing someone who was awful to me simply because they were reliable in talking to me every day and at least sort of my friend#I start craving the connections that you see in media even though I know those types aren’t real#it seems like everyone else has more people and better people and closer people in their lives than me#it seems like everyone has best friends and partners that are closer to them and better for them#and idk it just feels like things are missing from my life#I have a partner but I can’t always talk to them when I need to because they can’t always handle a conversation#I have a best friend but he barely ever answers my calls and things feel distant between us lately#I have other friends but they’re not the kinds that I feel I could turn to for help when I’m lonely like this#I have my parents but neither of them are very good at comfort in these situations#and I just want to cry because I feel so completely by myself and I don’t know what to do anymore#I just want someone to talk to and who will listen to me when I need help and advice and be there for me#I’m starting to really miss the wrong people again even though I know I’m better without them in my life#but at least I could send them anything and get a response fairly soon when I needed to#at least for a while they were very close to me and i think that’s what I really miss most of all#just the closeness of another person since I don’t always feel that with other relationships these days#it’s times like these I wish I’d just killed myself at 16 so I wouldn’t have to keep dealing with this over and over forever#it’s times like these I wanna fade away#if I’m going to be alone anyway then why bother keeping others around at all? why not just break off and go be a hermit somewhere else?#but I can’t do that because I have too many responsibilities that I need to take care of#idk maybe I should just kill myself and get it over with#pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to make it this long in the first place#I mean I’m being facetious cause I’m not overly suicidal and I’m not actually going to do anything#just kinda wish I could in a weird sort of way#like missing the feeling of a blade slicing my skin since I stopped cutting a long time ago#just want more out of my relationships and from myself and from my life and idk how to get any of that#personal
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ohemaa-warrior · 3 months
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#the problem is one day i feel awful the next day i feel manageable#but i have to commit or i will feel worse than yesterday#i cut my mum and brother from the Netflix and yt premium (i hate ads.)#I'm planning to pay less for gas and electricity cause there's no reason i should be putting in £250 a month for both#food im not eating so I'm not paying for it (oh but you need food → my case off it)#like i can't tell you how upset i am and how angry ive become and how incompetent i am at everything#I'm lucky that one of my brain pilots doesn't want to quit this job#but i just need some time to bounce back#can you believe this push came from a fat joke?#to some of may sounds stupid like you ended up taking a mental health break because of a fat joke#but it was the final nail in the coffin#i try to do everything to be nice and to be a good kid and none of that matters because I'm fat#fine#okay yeah sure#and they bitch about me behind my back about how I'm bad with money and how i gain weight and how my depression is an inconvenience#cause it's not because they care#it's never been because they care it's because they know I won't fight back about it#i said i wasn't sad and i was managble but I'm not#but i think anyone else in my situation would be angrier and sadder#my own family makes me feel lonely#the entire family#because people only call me when they need something#and i wanted to act like i do it to people please#i don't#if i don't do it they act like I'm selfish for putting myself first
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sherlock-is-ace · 5 months
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#not having a great time today after my mom commented on my interests#i'm a person that is interested in shit i don't know this is why i'm very likely to follow disabled youtubers#in my time i have watched molly burke. multiplicityandme and a collection of autistic youtubers (guess why lol)#and my mom made a quite patronizing comment about how i ''take on causes'' by learning about stuff#and/or supporting fun and interesting youtube channels#but anyways it sucks even more because on her comment she made it clear (once again) that she doesn't believe me when i say#i might be autistic. and it fucking sucks!#because when i first talked to her about it even I didn't know much about it. i was just starting to do my research#and i was trying to make sense of things still but she dismissed it#but now that i do know more and things do make more sense#i can't even bring it up because the fact that i have been watching a lot of youtubers talk about autism will make her think#i'm just trying to be like them... which is stupid#but it's also the reason i didn't tell her that my best friend in my teens was trans. because i was trying to figure shit out myself#and telling her he was trans and then a bit later that i am as well was going to make her go ''everyone's trans now blah blah''#and dismiss that as well... but now i'm trapped in the same thing about autism lol#and her stupid loophole of a dismissal isn't just by saying ''no you're not autistic'' it's saying this like ''well MAAAAYBE you COULD be#but that doesn't mean anything and it doesn't matter and why would you want a diagnosis if it's not gonna change anything''#same thing as her whole ''sure you're a man but why do you have to look and act differently? YOU know who YOU are#who cares what others think?'' in a don't transition way#like that's so stupid!#dkfjhkdfhkdfg#i'm angry and i feel trapped#i have figured out a little bit ago that i don't stim near as enough as i need to BECAUSE i live in the same house as her#and the idea of ear defenders and other stuff like that is very appealing but i can't do that while she's around to judge#and IN PUBLIC?! that's unthinkable!!#i still remember the time she threatened with not going out with me (to the supermarket) because I commited the huge crime of#buttoning the top button of my button up shirt....#that's it. that was the whole reason.. she thought i looked ridiculous and she didn't want to be seen with me...#imagine if i wear ear defenders out...#not gonna risk it lol
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famewolf · 5 months
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the instant relief I felt when the mechanic called to let me know he found the oil leak culprit and that it was only going to be $300 to fix ... dont even care that i have to leave my car there until tomorrow!! now I can actually relax and enjoy my weekend
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gregmarriage · 1 year
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truly my last relationship taught me so much. it also instilled in me some things i’m still unlearning. like, how most people won’t get mad if you accidentally fall asleep without saying goodnight (and not replying to messages, because i’m literally asleep), or freak out if you stop replying for like five minutes. like, i couldn’t do anything i enjoyed bc she’d be like ‘um, what fuck are you doing? why aren’t you answering me?!!!’ like relax, i’m literally just showering. it was truly a case of sitting still unless i wanted to upset her. and then i STILL somehow upset her and i never really knew why. but, hey, that relationship ended a long time ago, i should be fine now, right? 😐
#it’s literally been like five years and i still wake up sometimes like ‘oh god i didn’t say goodnight! oh god i didn’t reply back to that#person’s message!’ when said person doesn’t care one bit#it’s just cause that relationship was so crazy that it made ME crazy and i’m beginning to realise that yeah i still carry some shit from it#literally that relationship is the entire reason i’ve been single all this time and why i’m trying to be emotionally mature etc#bc that relationship ending gave me a smack around the head that said something needs to change’#bc the way i was before is the reason i was in that relationship and in that situation in the first place#and that relationship ending and trauma and shit separate from that made me get really romance repulsed for a while#still am sometimes tbh#pretty much permanently in a state of ‘yeah i need look after myself’ for the last five years#and idk when that would open up to me being in a new relationship#idk i really just need to not rush anything with anyone and just take things slow and see where they go#have fun in the meantime#bc my past few relationships have been really intense#especially the last one as i said#and i fully don’t have the time or energy for anything hardcore currently#so if there’s anyone at some point they must be prepared to wait for em and court me like we’re victorian lovers#you must wait three years untill we kiss for the first time bc i truly don’t know the timeframe for when i’d wanna do anything i’ll be#honest imaooooo#but yeah romance is a complicated subject for me#i’m literally a hopeless romantic but the thought of romance lately truly just makes me feel gross#like in theory yeah i wanna kiss someone but in actual practice i’m like get away from me!#idk i’m on the road to bulilding healthy relationships#romantic especially bc i really can’t go back to how i used to be#sorry to disappoint anyone imaoooo#but nah anyways people who want to get close to me and be my friend has to be cool with my boundaries i set up#and sometimes forget about even tho they’re my own boundaries bc i’m silly like that#could do casual stuff but i really don’t think i’m the type for that imao#and even that sets off the same alarms in my head so idk 🤷🏻‍♀️#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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yvmoveon · 10 months
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jorrated · 2 years
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not now kitten, daddy's on the brink of it
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yoohyeon · 1 year
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I’m suppose to paint but my moral is so low right now…
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#i Need to do it today cause I forced my dad to go buy the thing so I could do it yesterday (but I slept 5h I was afraid of making mistake)#but I didn’t so I need to do it today cause it will take more than a day and I seriously need to find a job#my health is on line two now I need to go for my eyes and that cost money money that I don’t have at all#i feel like my body is dropping me like how can it be possible to have so many problems at the same time ?????#like they are all pretty minor I’m not gonna d*e but it still really annoying especially when you wanna live your life#but you don’t have force to do it#Sowon also needs food again and I’m not sure if my parents can help me again… I’m loosing my mind#also my brother feeling depress and I feel like my dad cares so much about it more than mine ????#maybe he dosen’t realise it or maybe I don’t show it as much so that would be on me#but without having end up in the hospital I feel like I’m at pretty much the same level as him 😐#except that I force myself to enjoy what I love so I don’t end up worst than I am which he stopped doing#there’s already a gigantic favouritism on my dad side with my brother so maybe I’m just crazy and scared my dad end up feeling the same way#maybe it’s just being scared of it and not the reality idk but it’s messing with my brain so bad I’m tired#but also I can’t even tell my dad one of the biggest reason I got depressed in the first place but at this point he would tell me to get#over it I’m pretty sure 🙄#anyway I’m gonna go paint I guess#wish me luck for everything it seriously need to stop 😭#alex.txt#tw negative#tw negativity
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savage-rhi · 2 years
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Daily Highlights #14 (3/7/23)
3 Things That Made Me Happy
A friend checked in on me while I was flaring up and shared their art. 
My bearded dragon didn’t try to eat my fingers this time while I fed them.
My lover bought me a slice of cake just for fun.
3 Productive Activities I Performed
Productivity be damned. I slept most of the day so I didn’t deal with the brunt of the flare. 
3 Self Care Activities I Accomplished
Made my bed extra comfortable after calling out for work.
Kept interactions with others minimal so I could spend my energy on feeling better.
Went through a mental list of reasons why I’m not a burden and committed to said list.
3 Emotions I felt Today
Scared 
Troubled 
Elation 
Overall Day
7/10 Jeff Goldblum’s
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delicatetaysversion · 5 months
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today is the first time in like forever that i kept my hair open for the whole day without hating them by the end of the day and they're so soft and i tried on dark maroon purple lipstick yesterday with my bestfriend and she was like whoa. you look like. hot. and Mature. and i told her i love her because i kept using pink because it's cute pretty girly and i wanna feel pretty but it didn't really suit me but this this dark shade it's perfect i feel so confident and sexy and i hung out with my cousin little sister rn we used to be closest bestfriends but we drifted apart because of papa-chachu drama in childhood but
#she came over and she was like i don't have company to smoke with come on smoke with me#and i was like aaah okay#and she's so cute she's like okay have this vape after the cig to like remove the bad taste#and i gave her change for auto cause she didn't have any and she was like ill pay you back and i was like girl please shut up#choti behen hai meri itna toh kar hi sakti hu and she laughed and was lke arre aise hai fir toh main itne mein nahi maanungi aur do#so i was like bade hoke pakka abhi itni hi aukat hai#it's nice i feel happy#i also leaned my head on my office wali senior ka shoulder cause i was superrrr sleepyyyy today#only for like a minute but she was like aww are you sleepy it's okay so ja i understand this and she patted my head gently#like you know side face pe they pat🥺🥺🥺0#and like i was like do you need help what do i do when she was working and she was like kuch nahi i just need you to sit here next to me#and keep chattering#it's so 🥺🥺🥺#like this is big okay she's kinda very cool and smart and like real focused and serious okay she doesn't like disturbances#and i love her brain i want to be curious and sorted like her i love the way she understands things slowly but completely#like just work wise i aspire to be her everyone gets so impressed by her i do too the sir was like {her name} ko ab bank audit acche se aa#gaya hai ab wo apne aap bhi kar sakfi hai sign kar sakti hai#WHICH IS SOOOOOO COOL like bhai he's a very good ca okay crazy intelligent and to have him say that. just wow#and i was whining to her ki everyone sucks my relatives suck nobody even appreciates that im killing myself trying to make a career here#all my mami cares about is that why couldn't i take ek din ki leave and show up at her fucking dance practice😭😭#so she was like aww it's okay leave them ill say it you're doing very good {my real name} im proud of you#i literally said awww thank you out loud itna sweet tha na#wow a happy vent post this is a first
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kindacreepy-kindaugly · 6 months
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It never gets any fucking easier does it
#bitch bout to do smth very stupid here#i've kept my distance for what already feels like forever n i really thought by now i'd be. at least on the way to functioning on my own#i can ignore it when i'm doin ok but the pull never goes away it's always there#then i get low n i just. can't think of a reason to fight it anymore#i feel like i got sold just another lie. that if i just stay strong n don't go back then i'll start learning how to live w/o him but#did anyone actually tell me that? did i just lie to myself? he makes me feel awful most of the time but if i feel awful anyway then why not#sometimes it helps for a moment or two#that's if he even wants me around anyway. could you go either way#cause i'm sick n weak n suicidal just the way he likes me but also he might be too focused on doll to feel like playin w/ me rn#i feel like everyone told me it'd get easier but maybe they didn't. or maybe i'm doin smth wrong.#honestly it might be my fault he's gettin worse again in the first place cause maybe he was right n i just need a villain in my life#someone to blame when everything's too hard#i guess i wouldn't know what to do w/ myself if he really changed like we supposedly want him to so.....#i hate how i'm realizing he was right about more n more things all the fucking time#i can't do this on my own. i need someone to go to someone i can rely on someone to hold me#others in this system got someone who actually cares about em n what do i get? fucking val#i try not to go there cause it's not healthy but lately it's been hard to convince myself this life isn't a punishment#hell was too cozy so they put me here instead. i don't deserve to be looked after. i only deserve to be used#i don't know what exactly it was i did that was so awful but. i can't make sense of it any other way#so there must be something. this is just me gettin my due.#why else would i have been made like this? wired wrong for this world in so many ways always needin too much#so stop bitching n whining about it n just take it like a good boy#i'm still a good boy if i rly put myself into it right?#spdrvent
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