#cause they’d already been given so many treats throughout the day

[ghostickle]

Booked a reservation at a cat cafe I’ve wanted to go to since they first announced they were building it years ago >:)

[musclesandhammering]

Every Single Issue I Have With S*lki (It’s Not Just The Selfcest)

Here goes. I threatened to post this a few days ago and never did, but I just saw a s*lki stan Twitter account claim that Loki caring about Sylvie more than the whole multiverse was a Good And Romantic thing and it pushed me over the fucking edge, so now you all have to read this. I’ve divided it into categories cause there’s just THAT much.

OOC Bullshit

• First and foremost, no amount of mental gymnastics you do will ever make me believe that this specific Loki- the one that just invaded New York, that just came off a year of Thanos Torture, that just got done being influenced by the sceptre, that was literally in the middle of a crisis already, and then on top of that went through all the trauma of Ep 1- would even be worried about a romantic relationship. That would be the furthest thing from his mind. Go back and watch how he acted in Avengers- you think that guy would abandon his previous mission to become a snivelling simp for a girl he’d just met 3 days prior? Yeah, there’s no universe in which that makes sense.

• “It’s very in character for Loki to fall in love with himself lololol-“ NO, it’s literally not. Out of all the characters in the mcu, I don’t think I can think of anyone that genuinely hates themselves more than Loki. He even referred to all his other male variants as “monsters” and said meeting them was “a nightmare” in this series. He’s got so much self-loathing, plus the fact that he genuinely thinks himself to be an evil backstabbing scourge- so there’s no evidence at all suggesting that he would ever develop a fondness for, or even be inclined to trust, another version of himself, after only knowing them for 3 days.

• Building on that, the whole concept of Loki falling in love with a version of himself just feeds into the annoying ass misconception that he’s a narcissist. No matter which way you stack it, he’s not. If you’re referring to NPD, he doesn’t fit the criteria, and if you’re saying “narcissist” just as a slang term meaning “selfish and arrogant”, that still doesn’t accurately describe him. But when creators like Waldron and Herron do things like having him fall in love with himself, it makes it so much easier for casual viewers to think that he is.

Shitty LGBT Rep

• It’s kinda sus that Loki’s are allegedly genderfluid and yet the only female-presenting variant we see (and apparently the only female-presenting variant there is, cause the male Loki’s all seemed unfamiliar with the concept) is treated as some kind of mind-bogglingly special paradox. Also very sus that, out of all the Loki variants, the one our Loki falls in love with just so happens to be the only female one. What a coincidence.

• The fact that the creators of the show went around bragging about Loki’s bisexuality and Marvel purposefully (lbr) allowed stories about Loki possibly having a male love interest to circulate, specifically enticing queer viewers to watch the show (you know, the definition of queerbaiting), and then instead of having a male love interest (Loki was the first queer main character, so it was the perfect opportunity) they gave us *gestures to this dumpster fire* this… it’s just a middle finger to LGBT fans. The fact that they would rather have this relationship with all its myriad of problems than have a gay relationship is just……. Very telling.

• While him being with a woman obviously doesn’t refute his bisexuality, the fact that they showed/talked about him being interested in 3 different women (flight attendant, Sylvie, Sif) and never even hinted at him being attracted to a man, definitely makes it seem like they were trying to cover up his bisexuality to smooth things over with the more homophobic viewers. You know? It’s like “I know you’re pissed that we sorta confirmed Loki as bi, so we promise we’ll never mention it again! Or even hint at it! As a matter of fact, we’ll give him lots of female lovies and make him seem as straight as possible! That’ll take your mind off of that horrible crumb of queer rep, right? Please please please keep giving us your money!!!”

• Aside from all the other issues, at its core, the biggest reason why I think I’m so irritated with s*lki is that it took one of the most interesting, complex, and diverse characters in cinema atm and squished him into a tired ass unnecessary heteronormative subplot…. Like literally every. single. other. protagonist. ever. Loki is such a unique character, and it’s so so so incredibly disappointing that they stuck him into that same boring cookie cutter romance that happens to every other character in every other movie I’ve ever seen. It’s a disservice, and it’s honestly just not compelling or entertaining at all.

Thematic Issues Galore

• His arc didn’t need a romance. With anyone. It was unnecessary and it didn’t make sense plot-wise. In fact, one of the reasons he was my fav prior to this was because he was the only big-name mcu character whose story wasn’t muddied-up by a romance that didn’t need to be there. So much for that.

• He wasn’t emotionally ready for a romantic relationship with anyone. Hell, just a genuine friendship would’ve been pushing it for him at this point. He was in such a bad state that any relationship he got into would’ve been toxic and unhealthy for both him and the other person, and it doesn’t make sense why the writers would want to put him in one when there were so many cons and essentially no pros (other than “Uwu aren’t they cute together”).

• Sylvie’s character in general was unnecessary and Loki’s character was robbed just by her being there. The whole show became about her post-Ep 2. They spent most of the time giving her backstory, building her up, telling us how awesome she is, trying to convince us to like her, etc when what they really needed to be doing was building Loki up- cause I gotta say, if I had to describe TVA!Loki in a few words, they would be Flat, Boring, and Weak.

• The romance overtakes the plot. They spend time portraying their supposed connection that could’ve been spent adding depth and complexity to literally any of the characters. They make the big Nexus Event them giving each other googly eyes on Lamentis when it could’ve been so many other way more profound things that speak to the fundamental nature of Loki’s. They have the climax of the finale be “oh no she betrayed him to kill He Who Remains” when it could’ve been something way more compelling (Loki having a moral crisis over whether or not to kill HWR, Loki contemplating the state of the multiverse and weighing the pros and cons of freedom vs order, Loki looking into some What If situations and getting emotional about what could’ve been regarding his family, Loki realising the gravity of HWR’s offer and finally coming to terms with how important he is to the universal cycle, etc etc). The entire plot suffered in favour of a romance that half of us didn’t even want.

• It essentially reduced all of Loki’s potential character growth down to “He did it for his crush.” He seemed to at least have some motivations of his own in Ep 1-2 (feeble as they were) but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, literally every action he took was just him being a simp for her. Why did he lie in the interrogation? To try to protect Sylvie. Why did he fight the minutemen and Timekeepers? To survive kinda, but mostly cause it was important to Sylvie. Why did he get pruned? Cause he got distracted trying to confess his crush to Sylvie. Why did he try to get out of The Void? Cause he thought Sylvie needed him. Why did he stay in The Void? Cause Sylvie was staying. Why did he try to enchant Alioth? Cause Sylvie told him to. Why did the multiverse get cracked open, leading to an infinite number of Kangs waging war on all of existence? Cause Loki didn’t wanna hurt Sylvie in their fight at the Citadel and then get distracted by her kissing him. It’s uninteresting and honestly pretty embarrassing.

• Throughout their “relationship arc” the writers do their absolute damndest to convince us that we should like Sylvie more than Loki. And you know what? It’s the most hypocritical shit I’ve ever seen. They preach and preach about how Sylvie’s life has been so difficult/we should feel bad for her/she had it so bad/poor poor sylvie/she had it SO much worse than pampered prince Loki…. But then they never even touch on any of Loki’s trauma of hardships (the ones that have been ignored for literally 3 movies now). They frame Sylvie as a good person and a Freedom Fighter after she spent literal decades/centuries mass-murdering brainwashed TVA agents and showing exactly zero remorse for it….. but then they make it their mission to constantly remind us that Loki is a terrible person and constantly put him in situations where he’s forced to acknowledge his wrongdoings/show remorse/admit to how “evil” he is for being a mass murderer for like 2 years. They show him on-screen having a wider range of powers than her, and perpetuate his whole shtick of being a “master manipulator” or whatever….. But then they make Sylvie “the brawn” more competent, intelligent, and physically capable than him. Tell me how it’s a good thing for a ship to be so narratively biased toward one character.

Missed Opportunities

• If they absolutely had to have a romance subplot, then they could’ve paired Loki with one of the characters that have already been established OR one of the characters that were a big part of the whole TVA storyline anyway. It would’ve been so interesting if they’d revealed that Loki had a history with some of the players from previous films (Sif and Fandral both come to mind). It also would’ve been really interesting if they’d given Loki a love interest that actually had some allegiance to the TVA as a whole (Mobius maybe, but not necessarily. It also could’ve been Renslayer or B-15). Hell, imo it would’ve been cool if they’d followed through with that “See you again someday” line that he said to the flight attendant in Ep 1. ALL of these characters have way more chemistry with him than Sylvie, and they were also already relevant to the plot without wasting half the show to give background info on them.

• If they absolutely had to have a hetero-presenting love story involving an enchantress-type figure, then there’s a whole Enchantress (Amora) that was actually Loki’s love interest in the comics. Plus, fans have been screaming for Amora to appear in the mcu for years. Plus, Tom literally pitched an Amora/Loki storyline way back in 2012-13. Also, Lorelei (another enchantress) is also one of Loki’s love interests in the comics, and she already exists in the mcu (she was on Agents of SHIELD). There were several different established characters for them to choose from. Creating a whole knew amalgamation of a character and going with the “she’s a Loki variant” storyline was just completely unnecessary and made no sense.

• They completely robbed us of a Chaos Twins dynamic. Had they handled Sylvie better and not forced her and Loki to smooch, the two of them could’ve had a really really complex and interesting sibling relationship. Loki could’ve stepped into Thor’s shoes and sort of used that new role to gain some self importance, and Sylvie could’ve finally had somebody to look out for her/teach her magic/be there for her. It would’ve been very aesthetically pleasing, the vibes would’ve been out of this world, it would’ve been way more profound than this bs, and frankly it would’ve been much more entertaining to watch.

• Loki’s relationship (read: obsession) with Sylvie completely overshadows all Loki’s other relationships in the show. Loki and Mobius were literally the focal point of the series in Ep 1-2, but after Sylvie showed up in Ep 3, they barely had any interactions with each other, and Mobius pretty much faded to the background entirely. Loki had the beginnings of a pretty interesting antagonistic relationship with Renslayer (with her wanting him pruned, then arguing with Mobius that he couldn’t be trusted), but after Sylvie showed up the dynamic shifted to focus on the history between her and Ravonna. Loki and B-15 started off very badly and openly disliked each other throughout Ep 1-2, and then in the end of Ep 2, Loki showed a little bit of concern for her when she was possessed, hinting that they might be inching toward a reconciliation- especially considering how obvious it was that Loki was gonna uncover the TVA’s sins eventually. There was so much potential for him to be the one to give her her memories back and convince her to change sides, but no, of course that honor went to Sylvie. In fact, after Sylvie showed up, Loki and B-15 never even spoke to each other again.

Various S*lki Fails

• If they were trying to convince us that this affection was mutual, they completely failed. There’s nothing I’ve seen that even hints at Sylvie feeling the same way about Loki that he does about her. At most, I’d say she has a slight endearment to him. She finds him likeable and she’s grudgingly fond of him, but she definitely isn’t in love with the guy. Maybe she thinks he’s cute and hopes that he gets out of this mess alright, but her mission obviously comes before him- whereas, it’s been confirmed multiple times that Loki cares about her above anything else. She doesn’t trust him, she looks at him like he’s an incompetent fool half the time, she shows little to no reaction during most of his confession moments, and she kissed him as a means to distract him so that she could get him out of her way. Look, all I’m saying is, when you get into a relationship where one of you is way more invested than the other, it never ends well.

• This goes without saying for a lot of us, but the selfcest is just straight up odd and cringey. If you’re cool with that sort of thing, fine! People can ship what they want! But don’t pretend it’s not at least a little bit uncomfortable. Yes, I know they’re not technically siblings so it’s not technically incest, and they’re also not technically the exact same person, but they’re similar enough that it makes things weird. And yes I know selfcest can’t happen in real life, so there’s no way to judge it morally, but neither can most of the other stuff that happens in these shows/movies (the Snap, Loki destroying jotunheim, superhero with powers being held accountable, mind control) and yet we still find ways to judge their morality, because they all mirror real-world events. (The snap= genocide; Loki destroying Jotunheim= bombing other countries; superhero accountability= weapons accountability; mind control= grooming and coercion). And lbr the closest real-world mirror to two versions of the same person (who may or may not share DNA, family, backgrounds, physical and emotion characteristics) being romantically involved with one another is incest. And you can be ok with that if you want- that’s your prerogative- but don’t get pissy just cause a lot of us are squicked out by it.

• The whole mirror metaphor (learning self love via each other) thing just fell completely flat. First of all, having Loki learn to love himself by looking at someone who mirrors him did not, in any way shape or form, require them to be romantically involved. But they were. Of course. Secondly, the creators have contradicted themselves so many times on whether Loki and Sylvie are the same or not, that it doesn’t even really register to the viewer that the mirroring thing was what they were going for. Finally, Loki and Sylvie are shown to have so little in common- and to have only the most bare minimum of similarities personality-wise- that it doesn’t even make sense that Loki would “learn to love himself through loving her”. Like? They’re nothing alike. So how would he make the connection that he himself is actually pretty cool, based on her alone? There’s virtually nothing in her that reflects him.

• I know the objective of the entire show was to convince us of how awesome and unique Sylvie is, but honestly her relationship with Loki just did the opposite. A hallmark of a Mary Sue is having her constantly upstage the male lead, and then having him instantly fall madly in love with her anyway. And that’s.. exactly what happened here. Everything they’re doing to try to force her character to be more stan-able is really just forcing her to look more like their self-insert OC. Which is exactly what she is. It would’ve been so much more satisfying if she didn’t have to try so hard to look cool, if they didn’t have to try so hard to make her backstory tear-inducing, if they didn’t have to turn our protagonist into a snivelling simp just to prove how incredible she supposedly is. Very much #GirlBoss energy and we all know how performative and cheap that is.

• The entire thing was too rushed, there was too little build-up, and it was nowhere near believable. As stated above, it’s ridiculously unlikely that Loki would canonically even be interested in Sylvie, and this show did nothing to explain why he was. He just suddenly was. There was nothing they showed us as viewers that would justify a guy as closed-off and preoccupied as Loki falling head-over-heels for a girl he just met. Their was no explanation, no big revelation, no reasoning, it just… kinda happened. And I’m also severely skeptical of any love story that has the characters go in this deep after only 3 45-minute episodes of exposition.

I’m sure there’s other stuff, so if anyone thinks of anything, let me know and I’ll be more than happy to add it. Tagging @janetsnakehole02 @raifenlf @natures-marvel and @brightredsunset800 for expressing interest. This is all your faults.

[thebadbatch]

The Bad Batch: Soft Universe

Chapter One - Just like you.

Sudden waves of calm sent drastic waves throughout the Havoc Marauder, the newly dubbed Attack Shuttle that five advanced clones called home along with a smaller clone, a child with pure generation I DNA who also called the ship her home.

The calm waves were well welcomed among those within the ship, they had only just completed a mission that had been given to them by Cid, a rather dangerous mission at that. Yes, they were used to blaster fire, it was in their blood to adjust to it.

They were literally made to contribute their own blue fire to intertwine and drown out the blazing red bullets that threatened many on an unfortunate daily basis. Despite how they were made, every clone needed a break after a while, especially the young clone - or so they had thought anyway.

"That was Amazing!" Omega Squealed, rushing over to the others who had thrown themselves into their assigned seats in the cockpit absolutely drained after their Solid twelve hour mission. "Don't you guys think So too?" She took a Sharp breath in, channelling her energy through her legs as she rushed to each individual member of the batch. "You were all so Cool! And did you see me with my bow? I'm getting so much better at it, aren't I crosshair?" Her large eyes darted toward crosshair who was currently slumped against his chair, a new toothpick against his teeth. 

"I Suppose so." He mumbled, looking away from her energy filled eyes and focusing on the calmer view of the billions of Stars that littered the Space before them. Omega's previous smile Somehow got even bigger at Crosshair 's mumbled praise. 

"You did great, kid!" Wrecker beamed, going toward Omega and patting her back with a lot less force compared to the other members, but due to her Small size she still stumbled a little which caused a laugh to leave her lips. "And it's the end of the mission so you know what that means!" She practically became the beaming twin Suns of Tatooine at this point.

"Mantell Mix!" She Shrieked, bouncing in her Place as Wrecker laughed at her enthusiasm. Suddenly Hunter chimed in, turning around in his chair and rubbing his head, the Previous mission leaving him with a Simple patch of bacta on his arm and an absolute killer headache due to the planet's atmosphere messing with his senses. 

"Is Mantell Mix really the best idea with Omega?" His voice chimed in, "She's already excited enough I don't think Sugar will help." Omega and Wrecker Stared sadly toward their Squads leader, Pouting a little at his disapproval.

"But it's tradition!" Wrecker intersected, a bouncing omega next to him clinging to his side to encourage him to change his mind, they just had to have their Mantell Mix It was the only option. "And it makes the kid happy." Hunter let out a Sigh, rubbing his head a little more and giving them both a rather Persistent gaze.

"Are you sure it's just the kid that makes it happy?" He asked, referencing Wrecker who's eyes always lit up at the sight of the sweet tasting treat, he just crossed his arms in response though.

"The Mantell mix should be fine, She seems to be experiencing an adrenaline rush due to the intensity of the Mission." Tech Paused for a moment, fiddling with the datapad that laid within his grip. "Symptoms may include a rapid heart rate, Sweating, heightened senses and of course the most obvious ones of rapid breathing, decreased ability to feel pain and what's intriguing is there's actually an increase of Strength and performance - hence her bow Skills seemed to improve rather drastically during that mission." Tech paused again to type a little into his datapad browsing through the various load of knowledge before making eye contact with a fidgety Omega, still bouncing on her feet. "Oh and of course, the most prominent symptom in Omega is feeling jittery or nervous and can't Sit Still. It helps the excess energy I presume." Wrecker had of course stopped listening half way through, but was a little Worried about their Omega. It was a very chaotic and tough mission, they had a few close calls which probably made things worse if She didn't have enough adrenaline already rushing through her tiny body, the other clones could handle it though due to their training and they were a lot bigger compared to her, hence the numbed effect on them.

"Yeah yeah." Wrecker rushed, "Can she have the Mantell Mix or not?" 

"In Short- Yes." Tech replied, shutting off his computer and turning back in his seat to set the Marauders Coordinates. A large cheer shattered the Previously Soothing Silence followed by a Soft wince from Hunter, his headache presumably worse. 

 "When are we landing!" She rushed Over to the control panels, desperate to do Something to get them there quicker. 

"Woah there kid," Echo gently lifted her up, Moving her away from the control panel and gently placing her next to Hunter, "We'll be there soon. Why don't you rest up for now?" Once Echo's gentle grip left her, She moved into Hunter's arms in what appeared to be a protest.

"But I'm not tired!" All of the nightmare training they had to endure never prepared them to care for a child, so whenever she protested It was always a shock. Soldiers were made to follow orders but what they kept forgetting was that she isn't a soldier, she's just a child. 

"You will be once the adrenaline leaves your system." Tech warned, "I Suggest you leave to rest now ready for another day of adventuring." She signed and nodded, her excitement already beginning to leave being replaced with a rapid heart rate and a lot of sudden anxiety which caused her to shuffle further into Hunter's arms.

"Yeah, okay." Omega agreed, gently holding onto Hunter's arm as he gave her a small smile, it was late anyway. They'd arrive by morning which meant that they could go Straight to Cids to retrieve their Credits and quite possibly their next mission. Hunter soon stood, softly holding her smaller hand and guiding her to her room aboard their ship. Pulling back the grey curtains, a small room was awakened with stars being shown among the large window. It was a tight fit, but it was worth losing the space so Omega could have her own room. She slowly climbed up the ladder, her eyes always fixating on the orange glow of the fairy lights hanging around the room. She always looked at the soothing tone before searching beneath her blankets to find her clone doll and Lula. Once both toys were securely in her arms, she smiled softly at Hunter, shuffling herself into the blankets and the bigger sleeping bag that lay in the centre of the room so when she laid down against the pillow, she could roam her eyes among the stars. 

"Are you comfortable?" His voice whispered, chuckling gently at her small body bombarded with blankets. 

"Yeah!" She smiled in return, a sleepy haze replacing her previously energetic gaze. Hunter noticed her heart race was starting to drop quite quickly and her breathing had begun to slow itself down, the adrenaline rush Tech had previously mentioned was definitely starting to wear off. "But can you stay for a little while?"

"How come?" He questioned, sitting on the edge of her room with his familiar grin. "You're supposed to be sleeping." She sighed a little, clinging to her clone doll and staring at him with those curious eyes he could just never say no to. 

"But I want to hear more stories about you and the others!" A pout formed on her lips, a pang of guilt filling Hunter for even wanting to leave. "But if you don't want to tell me then that's okay! I'll ask Tech." An instant gasp left his lips as he remembered the last eight times he had woken during the night to find Tech sitting with Omega and rambling about the variety of planets there are, missions, the past and pretty much anything she could think of. She's a curious girl and that always interrupted her sleep Cycle - her racing mind never stopped and Tech was the only one who could keep up and enjoyed doing so. 

"Fine, okay." He chuckled, secretly loving to tell her stories about her brothers. "Did I ever tell you about our missions during the clone Wars?" She shook her head, gazing at him with wide eyes. "We were assigned to help assist Anakin Skywalker and Rex to find Echo."

 "Anakin Skywalker?" She asked, tilting her head at this newly learnt name. 

"He was a Jedi and a great commander, but obviously we were better and cooler." He paused to clear his throat, "Anyway…" Hunter continued to jumble on about how they fought and how each enhanced skills helped them on that mission that surprisingly went amazingly well. 

"Hunter?" A sleepy voice asked toward the end of his story, a little surprised that she interrupted a story - this must be important. "What's my enhanced skill?" She questioned, squeezing Lula close to her chest. In all honesty, he had absolutely no idea What her skill was, only that she had pure first generation DNA from Jango Fett which was pretty fascinating, but a skill like theirs? He was stumped.

"Well you're getting great with your bow now Omega!" He grinned, remembering how much the accuracy of the shots she took had improved rather significantly. Hunter was definately proud, just like the rest of the Bad Batch were.

"No." She whined, sitting up a little. "What's my enhanced skill like everyone else has?" Omega paused for a moment, a worried yet sleepy gaze coating her eyes. "Don't I have one?"

"I'm not sure, kid." His eyes lit up as he smiled, "Why don't we find out soon?" She nodded with a big grin plastered along her face. "Now get some sleep ready for that, Okay?" In return he got a smaller smile and a nod as she snuggled herself back dawn with her two toys, almost instantly falling asleep before a gentle sentence left the bundle of soft blankets.

"Goodnight Hunter." A soft voice whispered before finally falling into a deeper sleep, unknowing to Hunter's next words.

"Goodnight, Ad'ika." Hunter softly drew the curtain to the room filled with a soft orange glow, blocking it out before walking toward the others and sitting back into his chair with a sigh. Staring forward, he allowed the passing planets to fill his mind as to what memories he had made at the ones he and the rest of the batch had  visited. Many of course not among the greatest circumstances but memories nonetheless. Wrecker soon stood and Stretched with an abrupt yawn. 

"I'm getting Pretty tired, who's on first watch anyway?" The brothers gazed around at each other, eyes eventually falling toward Tech for an answer as he had always been the one to memorise their sleep cycles and plan out a well organised chedule on who would take watch and when.

"According to my calculations, Echo will be the first to keep watch followed by me, Wrecker, Crosshair followed by Hunter. Is that satisfactory to you all still?" A mumble of sleepy nods were shared in response as Wrecker smiled and moved toward their shared bunks. 

"I'll be off then!" He spoke, unable to suppress his yawn as he wandered away to prepare for bed.

"Are you all heading off now then? I think it's best to sleep now for the day we'll probably have tomorrow." Echo spoke, replacing himself with Tech in the pilot's seat, ensuring he was comfortable. The others had agreed and shared their various goodnights and moved away to their bunks, settling down and Just like Omega had, they all drifted off to sleep- replenishing their energy for the morning. 

Hours had passed to the stage in the sleep cycle where Crosshair was keeping watch, his feet thrown by the controls which he knew Tech wasn't awake to see so it didn't really matter. He was pretty relaxed chewing against his toothpick, adjusting to himself functioning awake. Crosshair had always struggled to keep the physical effects of steep at bay once he had awoken but don't think for a second that it dampened his skill. What had startled him though were the soft footsteps behind him followed by a very gentle voice that followed.

"Crosshair?" Omega whispered, "Are you awake?" Removing his feet from the control panel, much to sleeping Tech's glee, he turned in the chair to see a rather tense looking Omega Clinging to both her doll and Lula. Great,he'd rather deal with blaster fire then with a kid's problems. Maybe that was a lie, but regardless he wasnt really experienced with kids and he didn't want to mess her up like he felt he was. 

"Yeah, kid." He spoke, voice thinned out and a little tierd. "What do you want?" 

"I don't think I feel great." Her voice mumbled, "My heart feels fast and my mind won't let me sleep." He sighed a little knowing he'd have to take care of the worried child before him, he seemed cold-hearted to everyone around him but he knew his brothers know that that isn't the case. He supposed this was his chance to let his little sister know that too.

"Anything on your mind?" He asked, trying to rid his voice of the sour tune that he had grown accustomed to using. She seemed rather lonely shuffling on her feet, gripping her toys closer to her chest. 

"I think I'm nervous about tomorrow…" Crosshair gave a soft gesture to let her know that it was okay to carry on, he was there. "Hunter promised me that he'd help me try to find my enhanced Skill! I really want one so I can be more like you guys. That way I can be more helpful too!" Omega drew a sharp breath inward, "But what if I don't  have one? What if i'm even less helpful because of it. What if I'm not like my big brothers?" Her smaller Kamonian thick accent began to shake as a bundle more 'what ifs' left her mouth.

"Hey," Crosshair interrupted, a shot of genuine physical pain shooting through his heart at the tears which began to loom over her usually bright and hopeful eyes. "No more What if's. You're always going to be apart of this team with or without an enhanced skill. We may not find it Straight away if you do have one, but even if you don't have one it's nothing to get worked up about." His attempt to soothe her didn't work the way he had wanted it to, but she did seem calmer than before.  "You'll do fine, kid." Something amongst his heart encouraged him to open his arms despite everything in his mind telling him to just make her go back to bed. Before he could gain control of his half-awake mind, his arms had opened and those words left his mouth. "Go back to bed, Ad'ika." Omega had thrown herself into his arms, hugging him tightly with the doll and Lula present. He thought that he should feel embarrased or angry - but if anything he just felt a wave of pride wash over him. She wanted to be like them? Even after everything that had happened? For Sure She had a very compassionate and empathetic heart, but he didn't think that it was as Strong as this.

"I want to stay with you." Her muffled voice mumbled as she gently climbed to sit on his lap clearly in a sleepy and stressed out daze. Crosshair didn't respond to her heart-filling request as he watched Hunter gently approach by them both. Both brothers Shared a understanding nod, eventhough Crosshairs was a little hesitant. He didn't mind holding his little sister for longer, but she needed her sleep. She was overtierd and anxious enough. Hunter lifted Omega Softly from Crosshairs arms as the sniper dusted himself off returning to taking watch until she was back in bed. Luckily, Omega had already fallen asleep against Crosshair, so Hunter putting her back to bed was no problem at all. Once he returned, he stood behind his brother.

"Thanks, you can head back to bed now." Hunter hummed, taking the freed Seat as Crosshair left with a soft mumble and scrowl as per usual. Once he was out of sight, he leant back with a gentle sigh knowing how upset she'd be without an enhanced Skill of her own. Though at this point, he was pretty certain it was stratedgy. Things would become clearer by morning though, he knew Tech may be able to find out before she woke. "All in due time." he mumbled softly, waiting for the planet they were waiting to land on to appear, desperate to get their credits. This wouldn't take too long, they'd find out soon doing anything to make his Ad'ika happy.

[dreamescapeswriting]

Unfinished Business ~ Part Nine

WORD COUNT: 7.3K

WARNINGS: Mentions of mafia, strong language, murder, blood, torture

PAIRING: Bang Chan X Reader

DESCRIPTION: Part Nine of nine of my new Bang Chan series. 

You’re taken hostage but one of Seoul’s leading mafia families Bang Chan but he doesn’t take you because he wants to fake a marriage or make you fall for him in 365 days no…He wants to use you for his own personal gain. To take over another family but when you try to escape things take a turn for the worst and you learn Chan isn’t one to be messed with.(Please I suck at describing stuff)

THEMES: Chan x Fem!Reader, Self insert

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The day had finally arrived, the day you had been dreading for the last two weeks, you'd barely left Chan's office from the moment you got back. The only times you ever came out of the office was to go to sleep - in his bed - or when Jisung and Changbin forced you to eat something downstairs so you wouldn't have to feel so alone. But today was something you weren't going to be able to survive, something you'd have to get changed into real clothes for, for the first time in weeks instead of Chan's clothes you'd been wearing. 

"The dress is in his bedroom," Changbin whispered, as he walked into the office to see you staring at the same set of photos you'd been staring at for the last few days. They were of Chan and his ex-wife, standing together and smiling. 

"Y/n-" He went to repeat himself to make sure you heard him. You'd been so lost in your own world lately he just wanted to make sure you heard him correctly.

"I know, Changbin," Over the two weeks you'd gotten closer with him. He began trying to comfort you to make up for what had happened with Chan, never once telling you that it had been the plan to leave you there all along. 

"I'll go and change now," You muttered, standing up from the leather chair and walking out into the hallway. Jisung, Felix and Minho were all standing there in matching black suits with their heads hanging low as you walked into the hall to join them. They'd been talking in hushed tones but stopped as soon as you came out, 

"Who am I riding with?" You questioned, clearing your throat as you looked up at each of the boys who were avoiding your gaze. It's what all of them had been doing all week, it bothered you. They were treating you as though you were broken glass, tiptoeing around you and whispering about something you could never hear. You'd heard them whispering at night when they thought you were asleep - you would lay awake most nights. Staring at the same photos of Chan and his wife wondering if they were together now or if he was still around you all as a ghost. 

"You'll be with me." Jisung cleared his throat, being the first one to break the silence and everyone walked away from you so you could be alone with him. 

"Thanks, Jisung," He knew you were most confident with him. Knowing that if you had to cry, it would be better to do it around him than the others. Plus they all had places to be today and had to make sure they were on their best guard. Jisung had been the one to keep you comforted throughout Chan's death and the two weeks leading up to now. Mostly because he'd been the only one able to stay in the same room as you, as you cried out about it all.

"We're gathered here today to say goodbye to someone who was loved by many people," You were sitting in front of the coffin, holding a red rose that Jisung had given to you before you sat down. The rest of the boys were scattered around the graveyard looking around for something, you knew it was their job to pay attention to everything going on around them but none of them was crying. None of them had been crying since the day it had happened and it bothered you about how they were so cold about this, 

"We believe a few people have chosen to speak so please stand up.” You watched as Felix walked up to the coffin first, clearing his throat into the microphone. He looked at you and then to Jisung beside you and nodded, as if they were having some kind of conversation. 

"I knew Chan for four years, he took me under his wing when I first moved to Korea. Many people will tell you that he was a bad guy for what he did in the business but he was well respected and did everything by the books unless he had a real reason not to." You looked down at the floor not wanting to cry, memories of Mrs Lu came flooding back to you as you remembered the night that Chan had her killed. 

"He never hurt anyone, he would put out fronts of hurting people but he never did. It was all part of his bigger plan." A hand was placed on top of yours, but it wasn't Jisung's like you expected it to be. You turned your head to the left side to see Mrs Lu smiling weakly, as she kept her head forward looking at Felix who was still going on with his speech. Your mind was filled with confusion and your mouth hung open as you stared at her. For a moment you'd thought you'd died and this was hell for you, being forced to go to the funeral of the man you loved.

"He took on many people, faked their deaths if they needed to get away from somebody bad. He'd help them start a brand new life, helping them out of their debts with other mafia families, mostly out of Namjoon's life; giving them that fresh new start they needed." There was some shuffling happening behind the chairs, people mumbling as someone pushed past them with a walking stick and you looked over your shoulder to see someone moving towards the coffin. 

"J-Jisung who's that?" You whispered, leaning closer to him so no one else could hear you. A man dressed in a baseball cap was walking towards the front with a limp and a walking stick. A gunshot rang out causing you to scream in shock, Jisung dragged you onto the floor along with Mrs Lu. Everything was happening all at once, bringing flashbacks back to the night you lost Chan. The man who had been walking to the front was on the floor, the coffin knocked over with a mannequin on the floor where Chan should have been if he was inside of it.

"What the fuck?" You whispered, another gunshot rang out and you were covered in blood again. You gasped out, flinching as the shot sounded, 

"JISUNG?!" You cried out, turning to see if he had been the one to get hurt. But he was holding you and smiling up at someone above you. You looked up to see Chan holding a gun that had been fired recently, covered in blood and aiming the gun down at the man who had knocked the coffin over. 

"What. The. Fuck?" You struggled to get up from underneath Jisung. But once you were up, you stepped over the dead body in front of you not bothering to check who it was. Because it wasn't important to you right now, Chan smiled at you brightly expecting you to hug him or kiss him. But he was shocked when he got a slap across his cheek, before you ran away from him. He held his face watching you walking away, he guessed he deserved it for faking his own death. 

"Y/n?!" He called out, but you ignored him sobbing into your hands as you rushed towards the car that Jisung had driven you to the funeral in. Jisung looked at Chan rushing over to you to get you home safely, since you were in no fit state to drive right now.

"Y/n," It was Jisung this time. You'd been back at the mansion for a couple of hours now and Chan had been trying to worm his way into the spare room, but you hadn't let him. You couldn't see him so you refused to, sitting in front of the door so he wouldn't bang it down.

"Food." He placed a plate on the table and you stared at him, wondering if he knew everything that was going to happen today.

"You knew he was alive didn't you?" You questioned. You were still dressed in the black dress you had been wearing to the funeral, which was pointless now that you looked at it. It had all been fake. His death, the funeral, all to get to Namjoon who was now dead and laying in a coffin of his own. There was no doubt in that after the bullet went right between his eyes. That was who you had stepped over to slap Chan round the face. 

"I did, but-"

"Why didn't you tell me?! I cried over him for weeks! You let me suffer for nothing!" You yelled, but there was a knock at the door. Chan was standing there holding his side which was where he'd been shot, but you had no sympathy for him right now. As much as your heart was begging to go over to him, you couldn't. Jisung left the room as soon as Chan came inside and you scoffed,

"He had orders to keep his mouth shut you can't be mad at him-"

"I can be mad at whoever I want, you especially!" You yelled, pointing your finger in his face and pushing him back so he would stumble back hitting the wall. He shook his head at you, he knew you had to get your anger out somehow and if this was how you were going to do it, then so be it. You hit his chest with your fist, right before breaking down into tears and falling to your knees as he wrapped his arms around you. 

"I had to do it, we had to draw him out...We knew he was after you that night...We had to do it, Y/n" You whimpered against his arms, wondering what he was talking about. You'd only mentioned him faking his death, but he was coming clean about everything.

"I have to be honest with you about everything, just listen to me please." You sobbed into his arms and he instantly felt bad for everything he'd put you through. He'd already gotten it in the neck from Changbin and Jisung about everything you had been through, even though most of what happened on your date night had been Changbin’s idea. Changbin and Jisung wanted to tell you from the start that he wasn't dead, but they had to use your sadness and pain as a way to make it look real to Namjoon. It was the only way he was ever going to come out and make sure that Chan was in fact dead. That he'd gotten away with killing one of the biggest mafia leaders in Seoul. Now he was gone there was no reason for Chan to be in hiding, Namjoon's shares would go straight to Chan who in return was letting a bunch of people off with their loans. But all you could hear was that he was using you to win something he wanted, 

"W-Was I a pawn this whole time?" You questioned, remembering that very first time Chan had taken you and accused you of working for Namjoon. The very first time he'd hurt you and told you he was going to kill everyone you loved - when he, in fact, hadn't. Mrs Lu was very much alive and doing a lot better, she and her husband were living out of Seoul in some richer neighbourhood better off, with a new restaurant to run happily together. Has everyone been in on it? Laughing behind your back? While you mourned for someone who wasn't dead? 

"No...At first, yes. But then I started to fall for you, it got harder to stay away from you and keep you at a distance. You were just supposed to help me lure Namjoon out and the boys would take him out no matter the costs. But I found myself falling for you Y/n, I didn't want to risk putting you in danger anymore so I wanted to stop, have it all over faster..." He took a deep breath looking at you, 

"That night, when we went on our date, I was supposed to leave you in the gardens for a while but not long. Just long enough for Namjoon to come out so we could get him, but then when you told me you loved me, I freaked out. No one is supposed to love someone like me." He whispered, feeling suddenly pathetic in front of you for everything he'd done. He hadn’t thought of you when he left you there, he'd just left you in danger as he thought about saving himself from getting hurt by you.

"You used me, knowing that Namjoon would come to me because he did the same for your wife?" You pushed yourself away from Chan. Everything was too much all at once, all of the facts coming right at you, it was starting to make your head hurt. Had this all been some kind of sick revenge for Chan? Had he felt nothing? You tried to move away from him, but his arms stayed locked around you, not wanting to let you leave him there alone. He was done running from his feelings for you now.

"I will explain everything when you calm down..."

"Calm down?! You faked your death! I mourned for you for two weeks and all this time...While what? You've just been off partying?" You got up from the floor wiping your eyes.

"Healing from a gunshot wound actually," He grunted, still trying to make things light hearted. But you shook your head at him, not wanting to waste your tears on this, but you gave him no time to stop you from leaving him on the floor. 

"You have to talk to him," Changbin said, when he walked into the garden that night. You were sitting by the firepit that they had, looking into the flames while drinking from a glass of hot chocolate. You didn't know if you could leave and even if you could, you had nowhere to go. 

"No, I don't. I don't have to talk to any of you. I want to leave." You'd been thinking it over since you left Chan on your bedroom floor. There was no sense in staying when he'd faked his death and faked the killing of someone you held close to your heart. If he'd just been honest from the start, maybe things could have been different. But this was too big of a lie for him to come back from. 

"Y/n, you don't mean that. You're just upset." You'd had enough of people telling you what you did and didn't mean and what you did and didn't feel. You threw the cup off at the pavement listening to it smash against the floor. 

"Shut up! You don't know a damn thing about what I am feeling! I love him! It was that easy for him to just walk away and hurt me, as if it meant nothing to him! Leaving me alone, cold and out as bait!" You yelled to him, walking along the grass towards the giant mansion and making your way inside. Chan was standing there looking at you with sad eyes, he'd heard you yelling and wanting to come down and calm you down. 

"Can we talk?" You walked away without answering him. Heading towards the stairs, but it was blocked off by Felix, he wasn't about to let you pass until you at least acknowledged that Chan had been speaking to you. 

"What? If I don't talk you're just going to chain me up in the basement like old times?" That tore a hole in his chest, hearing you bring up the basement like that it was clear to Chan that you were upset over everything that was happening. But you didn't need to lash out on everyone else, so he wasn't going to take it to heart. 

"I hurt you, I know-"

"No Chan! Hurting me was when you sprained my ankle by keeping me locked up like an animal! This! Making me fall in love with you and then ripping the world out from underneath me! That was fucking torture." You whimpered, finally giving in to the tears. You ran your hands through your hair, wanting to rip it out as you let out every emotion all at once. All of the hurt and anger you felt towards him had been building up and you'd finally hit your breaking point. 

"Leaving me out there as fucking bait because Namjoon was worth it more than I ever was, wasn't he?" You wanted straight answers from him. It was going to be the only way to get them out of him, then so be it. You were going to be as nasty as you could possibly manage. 

"Yes, but the plan was to come back right away, it was going to be safer than what it was that night I left-"

"Safer?! What was the plan!? I could have helped! But instead, I was chained up in some sicko's warehouse where he burnt me, spat at me and called me names I never even want to repeat! Cut me, threatened to shoot me and all for what?!" Your voice was hoarse because you were crying and yelling all at once, 

"For your own selfish reasons?! For you to be able to say you took down one of the biggest leaders!?" He looked down at the floor, it had originally been the plan to get Namjoon to come out so the boys could take him down as revenge for his wife. The plan would be for him to see you and want you because they all knew Namjoon wanted what Chan had. He thought he could use you without getting attached and hurt, but it hadn't worked that way. You'd been too nice and kind to him for him to ever want that, 

"Originally it was the plan." He wasn't going to waste his time lying to you anymore, he looked down at the floor. 

"I thought you worked for him and if he saw you with me it would create some kind of war and he'd come after me and then you weren't working for him...So I was going to use you more, which was why he was everywhere we went...He had us followed the moment he first saw us together. But I never expected to fall for you!"

"Oh, so because you didn't expect to fall for me it makes it all okay?! It's fine! You were just going to throw me out once the plan was done, so what does it matter?" He groaned, running his hands through his black hair. He wasn't good at this sort of thing, but he knew Changbin was. 

"Changbin, explain it to her please." But Changbin kept his mouth shut, knowing better than to get involved in other people's business, even if it was his plan. Even though he didn't like you very much back then, he wanted to go back to you at the gardens. But Chan wouldn't allow it, he was too busy locking himself away and breaking things in his office.

"Answer these questions, were you or were you not going to use me against Namjoon for your own good?" 

"I was." He replied. You nodded, understanding him, 

"Was the original plan to kill me once you killed Namjoon?" He froze in place before nodding his head,

"Do you love me?" 

"Yes." He answered that quickly and you stared at him. There was a point where you'd kill to hear that from him. That first night when he left you in the gardens practically naked and alone, you'd have killed for him to stay beside you and admit he loved you too. The old lady in the nursing home was right, loving someone like that was dangerous. You'd fallen right into his open arms, sinking so far down you had no idea if you even wanted to get out of there.

"Y/n?" You stepped back as he stepped closer, shaking your head at him and moving away. Your back hit the wall as you thought about everything. 

"Like you weren't doing the same to me...Pretending to like me-"

"Chan...There was a difference, you were keeping me prisoner here...Are you going to do the same now that I know everything?" He shook his head and you nodded.

"I need space." You whispered, staring at the floor instead of at him. If you looked at him, all of this would be over. You wouldn't be able to listen to your head, which was making good points. You would instead listen to your heart, that was telling you to leap into his arms and forget everything that had happened. But how could you after everything he had done and put you through in such a short time period? It was too much to be with him. 

"I can give you space, you can stay upstairs-"

"I need space away from you." You spoke up this time, not daring to meet his gaze. Jisung stepped forward as you rushed towards the staircase, pushing past all of them this time. If you stayed in the house where you got to see him every day it would be too easy for you to give in to him and not see clearly enough.

"Take her somewhere she'll be safe, she's not to go back to the bad side of town...She'll need a guard," Chan swallowed the lump in his throat. He wasn't about to cry in front of the boys over this, but he started up the stairs as he heard you whimpering in your bedroom. He would wait until you were out of the house and he could release his anger onto something else. 

"She'll need a place to stay. I'll wire her some money, Jisung will you stay with her or at least near her." He was being unusually calm about all of this, but the boys didn't say a word to him. Not wanting to poke the bear as it was, Changbin knew what was going to come when everyone went home or to different parts of the house. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Two Months Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The tea was steaming as you poured it into the ceramic cup, trying not to spill any of the hot liquid onto the table,

"Where is that boyfriend of yours?" Mrs Park asked, as you stepped away from her table to place the pot of tea onto the tray that was waiting behind you, 

"Sooyoung! You can't ask such things." You softly laughed at the ladies in front of you who you were serving tea to, you'd begun working in the nursing home full time. They'd ask you this all of the time, hoping you'd change your mind about Chan. But it never happened, you just ignored their question and continued on with your job.

"Besides, he always comes by on Fridays to see her." You knew that. You'd seen him sitting out on the bench every Friday for the last two months with a bouquet of flowers, waiting for you to tell him to come inside, but you never had the strength to do it. You loved him. You knew that. But loving him and allowing him to be in your life was two separate things, just because you loved someone didn't mean you had to be with them. You wanted to be happy but being with Chan brought on a wave of emotions, not just happy...though that had been the main focus at one point for you. 

"She has to see him at some point, they have unfinished business." Your grandfather mumbled from the other table, not looking away from his dominos in front of him. He still had no idea as to who you were, but he treated you with respect just like he did every worker there. Though he did treat you a little better than the rest, since you were closer with him than the other nurses. You did have unfinished business, but it wasn't anyone else's problem except your own and Chan’s.

"We don't have unfinished business." You told him, as you turned around to hear your phone vibrating from the trolley behind you. You groaned walking over to it and turning it over, yet another text from the doctor informing you about your late appointment that you had with them. You'd been avoiding it like the plague ever since that last one you had. 

"It's not supposed to rain today, we were supposed to go to the botanical gardens!" Sooyoung cried out, as Nurses poured into the room to make sure everyone was okay. A sudden thunderstorm had come out of nowhere causing you to drop your phone, nurses were helping patients out of there quickly. Some of them were sensitive when it came to things like thunderstorms happening.

"You dropped this, dearie." Your grandfather said, holding up your phone for you to take. You took it and thanked him before helping the nurses out with patients. 

It was a long drive to the hospital from the nursing home, even longer since you'd tried to get there in a thunderstorm. Chan hadn't been to the nursing home for a couple of weeks, which seemed like a good thing to you. You weren't going to have to face him until after this scan...You knew deep down it was wrong to keep this from him since it was his child, but he was who he was. You weren't sure if you could bring a child into his life, your mind was split once again. 

If it wasn't for being pregnant, you would go back to Chan in a heartbeat, you'd spent months crying over everything that had happened. Overthinking every small detail that had happened that last time you saw him and you realised that no matter what, you still loved him hopelessly. 

"I have an appointment," You stuttered out to the blonde receptionist who looked you up and down. 

"Name?" Your eyes glanced over her. She looked like a nice girl, but was coming across mean.

"Y/n Y/l/n," She nodded and began typing it into the computer. Her hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail and she was wearing scrubs, she looked like she might have been a nurse rather than a receptionist. 

"You're on the fourth floor, take the elevator at the end of the hall and it'll bring you out on the correct ward," Taking the sheet of paper with your name and appointment on, you followed her orders and walked down the hallway. It was brightly lit and filled with people all doing their own business in the hospital, you glanced over your shoulder as you felt eyes on you. Since the charity event with Chan eyes had been on you a lot. Whenever you went to the store people would stare at you, expecting to see Chan somewhere behind you, but you were alone all of the time. "Miss? Are you coming inside?" An elderly woman questioned, you nodded and stepped into the elevator with her and a little girl who was holding her arm and crying. From the looks of it, it looked badly broken so she was probably in a lot of pain. 

"Fourth floor," The robotic voice called out. You let the elderly woman and her granddaughter out first before following behind them towards the second receptionist. You handed her your piece of paper and she flashed her teeth at you, 

"One moment please," Her long red nails were hitting the keyboard as she typed and you watched her as she smiled brightly at nothing,

"You can wait in the second waiting room," Nodding, you walked away from the desk and the crying girl. Heading over to one of the waiting rooms, it was completely empty so you took the first seat closest to you. Though you'd never been for one of these before you thought for sure that it would be a lot busier than this. The whole waiting room was empty, it made you feel uneasy, but you took a deep breath trying to calm yourself down. The thought of doing this all alone was terrifying, more terrifying to you than that night you'd been with Namjoon. Thoughts of you raising a baby alone in this world began to cloud your judgement, making you think of nothing but Chan.

To help the time pass by, you began reading through a magazine that was in the waiting room, but you wished you'd never picked it up. The page you'd flicked it open to was a photo of you and Chan leaving the Charity event when he'd picked you up. Your foreheads were resting against one another as you smiled, out of the corner of your eye someone entered the room. 

"Did you have me followed?" You questioned as you shut the magazine. Placing it into your bag, you hoped Changbin didn't see the smile that was on your face while you were looking at the photos, but he'd seen it. How couldn't he have seen it? It was the first time you'd smiled properly in months and it lit up the entire room. 

"Why would I have you followed? It's my job to watch over you," He reminded you, as he began to flick through a newspaper that he'd brought with him. You squinted to see the date, it was a recent newspaper. 

"Give me the paper, there's nothing good here," You held out your hands. but he ignored you and continued pretending to read the newspaper that was in front of him. 

"Changbin-"

"We came to an arrangement, remember? You pretend I'm not here and I don't talk to you...Would you like me to tell Chan where you are right now?" His eyebrows raised as he turned to look at you, your stomach sank and you looked away from him remembering the deal you'd made. 

Jisung was supposed to be the one watching over you, but Changbin took his place since he felt so bad for all of this unfolding. He blamed himself for you leaving Chan, since it had been his plan in the first place. The deal was that Changbin could watch you without talking to you, you didn't want to know what Chan was doing. It would only make getting over him -- or trying to get over him -- harder and Changbin wouldn't tell Chan what was happening.

"You don't need to tell Chan where she is right now, he already knows." Chan's voice came out and you stood up instantly and stared at him. Your eyes were almost as wide as Changbin's as you stood staring at his boss. 

"We'll talk later. Home." He had ordered Changbin, who scuttled out of the waiting area, knowing he was already in trouble enough without causing a fight here. Your back was pressed against the wall as you watched Chan calmly walk into the waiting area, sitting down on the chair where Changbin had been. 

"You can sit," He mumbled to you, you sat back down in your seat and glanced at him. He hadn't changed, but there was something about him that was new, his head lifted and that was when you saw it. A scar going from the top of his brow to under his eye on the right side of his face, you filled with worry as you saw it. 

"Chan? What happened?" He frowned. Then glanced at you as you pointed to his eye, his hand slowly raised to his fingers to his face and he nodded. 

"Had an accident, it's nothing-" He froze as you were sitting next to him suddenly, running your fingers over the scar, he hadn't expected you to get this close to him. He was just here out of moral support for you. 

"I-Is this why you stopped coming by?" He held back the smile that was threatening to escape. You'd missed him almost as much as he missed you, by the sounds of it. But he couldn't lie to you, so he wasn't going to try. From this point forward he was going to be as honest as he could with you without scaring you away.

"Yes." He answered plainly, not wanting to give too much to you. 

"What- What happened? Did someone do this to you?" You panicked, thinking someone else was after him, but he shook his head. It had been an accident with the boys, he'd gotten into a fight with Changbin after you left the way you did.

"It doesn't matter," He mumbled, not wanting this to be about him. He lowered your hands away from his face whenever you tried to make him look at you. Since he got the scar he hadn't been able to look at himself in the mirror, it was one of the reasons he stopped coming by. He didn't want you to see him with this scar on his face, he was insecure about it, but it was nothing to you. 

"It does matter! You've been hurt and I lo-"

"Y/n Y/l/n," A nurse interrupted you before you had a chance to finish what you were trying to say to him, you'd wished she hadn't. You wished you had more time to tell him what was happening, but he clearly knew you were probably pregnant. 

"Coming." You stuttered out as you stood up from the chair and looked at Chan who was eyeing you up. 

"I'll wait here if you want?" You nodded at him, before he even had time to finish his sentence. You wanted him to be there. There was a chance this wasn't even a pregnancy. You'd been in for a test for something else and the doctor at the GP told you that you'd come back positive for pregnant, but there was absolutely no way. The thought of being pregnant alone terrified you. But would you really be alone? You loved Chan...You could do this together. Couldn't you?

"Have you had an ultrasound before?" You nodded at her question and got up onto the bed, you'd had them before to scan your liver and kidneys when you got sick before.

"This will be a little cold, roll your t-shirt up for me," You did as she said and looked at the ceiling. She applied some cream onto your stomach and then applied the wand to scan your stomach. You were sure your lip would start bleeding the way you were biting down on it so hard, you weren't ready for a child, were you? The whole drive over here you'd been thinking about it. Trying to figure out if you were ready for this, but there was no way you could go to bring a child into this world knowing what you knew, but you'd always wanted to be a mother.

"Hmm," She pressed harder onto your stomach and you thought you were going to burst. They'd told you to come in with a full bladder to make it easier for them to see inside and every small push was pushing you closer to peeing yourself. 

"Go and pee for me and come right back," Following her orders you walked out of the room and to the bathrooms to pee, Chan caught sight of you and sprung to his feet in a rush.

When you came back out you were face to face with Chan who looked worried, the panic was written across his face as he watched you coming closer to him. He had no idea what to say to you, what he could ask. He'd never been in this position before.

"What happened? What did she say?" You shook your head at him, as you began walking to the room again with him by your side. 

"She didn't, she wanted me to pee first..." He watched as you hesitated about going back into the room, your whole body was frozen as you waited to go inside. 

"I don't want to do this alone..." You admitted to yourself and to Chan while looking at the door handle instead of him. There was one thing you knew for sure: pregnant or not, you wanted Chan by your side throughout everything from now on. You wanted him there through every moment of your life.

"Do you want, Changbin?" He began, turning to reach his phone from his pocket. You placed your hand on his wrist and shook your head at Chan's question. Looking up at him while swallowing the lump that was forming in your throat, 

"I-I want you to come in with me," You whispered, as you finally admitted it to him and yourself, he nodded and opened the door for you. 

The screen lit up and you were left to stare at it for a second, while the nurse worked her way around your stomach with the machinery, 

"Here," She whispered, clicking onto the screen with her free hand to point out what was happening. Chan's hand was holding yours when a sound began to play through some speakers, you didn't know what it was until she spoke to you.

"Strong and healthy heartbeat." She whispered calmly, as you let out a gasp listening to the thumping happening. Your eyes filled with tears as you glanced up to Chan, tears were rolling down his face. 

"There you go, here's the little one." She zoomed the screen in to show you a baby moving around inside, it was hard to see with the screen being so black and white and 2D but there they were. Your child sitting happily on the screen while you and Chan stared at them. 

"I'll get some photos for you," She whispered, as she began clicking away on the keyboard snapping multiple photographs of the baby.

"You look about two months so the little one is perfect. You'll be able to find out the gender around your four-month mark." If the nurse continued talking, you didn’t know.  You and Chan had drowned her out as you watched the screen together, happily smiling as you stared at it. 

"I'll give you both a moment while I go to get the photos." She clicked a button on the screen and the baby stayed on while she began to clean your stomach up. 

"I'll be right back." She stated, as she walked out of the room.

The door to her office shut and you stared at Chan before you stared back at the screen, neither of you quite believing the fact that there was a baby on the screen. Your baby.

"A baby," You whispered to him, still in shock as you watched the screen. The one time you have sex, it would be your luck to end up pregnant. 

"Our baby," He whispered back to you, as he sat down beside you on the nurse's bed in shock. When he followed Changbin to the hospital he thought there was something wrong at first, he never expected you to be carrying his child. You glanced up at him wondering what all of this meant now, what this meant between you and Chan.

"Chan-"

"Move back in with me," You spoke at the same time together, you stared at him for a couple of seconds while you weighed up the pros and cons of everything going on. Raising the child alone could never work and you could never take Chan away from his son or his daughter, that would be too spiteful on your part. 

"You don't have to think about it right now, but I want you to think about it. Y/n, I can't eat or sleep without you. I feel sick whenever I think about you being alone and when I followed Changbin today, I thought you were sick or something worse-" He began to ramble on about how scared he was, but you cut him off by grabbing onto his hands again.

"I'll do it." You surprised yourself as you said the words to him, his eyes widened as he realised what you were agreeing to, agreeing to go back to him. 

"Y-You'll move back in?" He stuttered over his words as he got excited at the prospect of you coming back. You shook your head at him again - it was starting to make you dizzy.

"I have conditions first." You weren't going to go back there with his life the way it was.

"Anything," The door opened and the nurse came in with paperwork and ultrasound photos. You and Chan began making your way out of the hospital and towards your car. 

"No more secrets or schemes, no more guns in the house. If we're coming back I want- I want it to be a safe place." You stuttered a little as you realised what you were saying, then it hit Chan what you were saying. 

"The guns have to stay in the office at least, for our own protection," He counter-offered, you nodded in agreement with him. The finer details could be sorted out later when you were in the comfort of his home. That was probably the better option for his lifestyle, 

"That's your only condition?" You nodded along with him, it was the only thing that mattered to you. As long as the house was safe and ready for your baby you could do it. 

"I want a safe space for us too...All three of us." You looked up at him and he looked at your car that was waiting for you to get inside of, he smiled at the thought of you keeping it. It was the car he'd ordered one of the boys to drop off to you, he didn't want you walking everywhere or catching a bus when he knew you didn't have to. 

"Y/n?" You hummed, looking up at him again whilst unlocking the car. 

"I love you." Your heart swelled as you heard him tell you he loved you first, instead of you saying it first like the first time.  

"I love you too, Chan," You moved closer to him, before placing a small and gentle kiss on his lips, wrapping your arms around his neck and standing up on your tiptoes to reach him.

You weren't blind, you knew that there was going to be hard times coming for you and Chan with this baby and his lifestyle but right now you didn't care. 

There were still things you had to talk about, but all you could focus on, all that was keeping you sane throughout all of this, was knowing how much you loved Chan. How much Chan truly loved you and how much your future with him and his child was going to mean to you both. Nothing would ever compare to your love for Chan and you couldn't wait to spend the rest of your life with him.

A/N: I've never ever finished a fic before so I hope this is okay! I had a completely different ending for this but i hated it and reworked it the last week before it was uploaded! So let me know what you guys think! [Lol I simp i could never kill him]

Tagline: @moonprincessdiviniation my editor I have put through hell, @taestannie​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @calling-dips-on-j-hope​ @hugs4chan​ @ncitythoughts @inseonqt​ @cloudsgathering​ @atletino​ @mischiefmakerliesmith5​ @freckledquokka @happygirl327​ @seraplantery​ @km-98​

[dreamii-yume]

Hey Yume, some of your one shots have the boys being really rough on the poor reader. How would they react if they wound up ALMOST killing reader because of their rough treatment? Would their behavior towards Reader change?

*SINFIC CH. 10 FLASHBACKS a-about that, Honey...ヽ(；▽；)

Riddle and Malleus would feel their own hearts skip multiple beats that it actually hurt. They drop everything that their holding, probably their staff, and every action that could bring further danger to you would be ceased immediately. They’ll quickly check you in every angle to see if you’re injured anywhere else and would try to talk to you just to make sure that you’re still breathing, looking closely you could clearly see the look of fear in their eyes. Riddle would probably panic real bad while Malleus would remain quiet, but the beating of his heart is deafening. They’ll stumble over their own words when given the chance to talk to someone (Trey/Lilia) as they try to explain what happened.

This would probably alert their paranoia in the coming future, fearing that something similar might happen again and would one day take your life in an unfair way. They would be a lot more gentle, and in Riddle’s case, would lower down his resitrictions to make sure you won’t suffocate with them too much. They’ll make sure this won’t happen again, but they’ll become more protective, that’s for sure.

Trey, Ruggie, Jamil, and Silver aren’t usually the types to be rough with their Darlings, but for the sake of this ask, let’s just say that you did something that really ticked them off, causing them to act like so. Since these are the characters that has their emotions kept under control most of the time, they’ll most likely won’t recognize how much strength they have used against you. This would result into their own surprise as they realized that their Darlings barely responded and was at the brink of passing out because of it. They’ll immediately have their guard up, quickly running to your side to inspect whatever injury you’re suffering from. All jokes and silliness would be wiped away from their faces as they tend to you in all seriousness, talking to you so you wouldn’t fall completely unconscious and god forbid, never wake up again.

They may sound calm when they’re tending to you, if your injury is something that they can’t handle alone, they’ll have no problem calling someone who’s a lot more professional than they are. Their words are clear and no trace of nervousness can be heard, but that’s just in your and other people’s perspective. Looking deep into their hearts, it’s racing so fast that it can’t even put into words. They know what they did wrong and for the first time since they got you, they felt actual fear that they might’ve lost you right then and there. They’ll apologize to you right after, smiling at you, saying how everything was their fault.

Of course, this will motivate them to do better next time, to keep their emotions calm no matter how intense the situation may be for the both of you. Because you never know, there might never be a next time around.

Ace, Cater, and Floyd are the types that wouldn’t notice their sudden fit of strength at first. Whether they got too excited, angry, or irritated, they won’t notice how much they have hurt you the first time. If you’re not responding, Cater and Ace would probably dismiss it as you being uncooperative, Cater might even fake a sulking personality saying how “teasing him is so mean”. However, someone like Floyd wouldn’t appreciate getting ignored by his Darling so if say, you lost consciousness during this time around, expect that he’ll try shaking you awake, possibly even rougher than before as he expects you to constantly tend to him in his every needs. But everything would change for these three men when you either start to bleed from an injury, your breathing slows down, or your completely unresponsive no matter how much they try to shake you awake.

They’ll all probably have similar reactions, they’ll call out for you gently at first, trying to wake you up and saying that what you’re doing isn’t “funny”. Eventually, they’d come to understand that this was no prank, you’re really losing every bit of your life right in front of them and that immediately place a heavy weight of panic upon their shoulders. They would curse both yourself and themselves as they try to tend for you, clearly unaware of what to do. Floyd would most likely call Jade or Azul, whining how Little Shrimpy’s “not moving” anymore while Ace and Cater might do the most reasonable act and take you to a nearby hospital. After this crisis had been averted, I think that although they may have the similar reactions, they’re behavior right after would vary from each character.

Floyd and Ace will most likely bring that blame on yourself, Ace especially saying how things happened the way it is because you’re so stubborn and that you’re not following his orders at all. You just won’t expect an apology from Ace at all, but deep down inside he knows that he’s the one who’s guilty but just can’t admit it himself. Floyd, on the other hand, will also put the blame on you but not in the way you think he would. He’ll most likely blame you because of how you made him feel throughout that whole ordeal, that it’s Little Shrimpy’s fault that he’s this worried and anxious now. He doesn’t blame you for what happened to you, in fact, I think he does realize that he’s the one at fault and would even apologize, although he sounds like a child saying sorry to another child he stole a crayon from.

And now, we have Cater, who would definitely recognize his own faults but covers it up with a smile as he apologizes in such a half-assed manner. You, as his Darling, would have a hard time believing him even though the guilt is practically eating Cater on the inside. He’s just not really that honest with himself, plus such a dark atmosphere is not something he’s good at handling, you know? But he made extra sure that you can see how serious he is when he said that he can change his ways, that he’ll control himself from now on so that was at least something. As for Ace and Floyd, they wouldn’t really change all that much after everything is all said and done, except for a few hesitance here and there, not wanting for the same situation to strike again.

At least they’re doing their best, yeah?

Deuce, Jack, Epel, and Sebek are characters that are generally rough when they get too ahead of their emotions, even if they try to control themselves. But sometimes, things happens and they get a bit too far in line and almost immediately, once they hear an unusually loud gasp of pain from you, that’s when they know that they did something very wrong. Just seeing your weakened form would automatically shift their realization to their own strength and how rough they had been, however before they could even apologize, what they did had unfortunately already happened. Deuce especially would try to tend to you with whatever he can, panicking the most out of the four as he tries to remember what he could do at this dire moment. Obviously, he can’t treat your wounds like how he recklessly does his in the past after a brutal fight so he would probably result into calling a senior or a nearby hospital if the injury looks too risky.

Epel would panic, but a little less than Deuce at least as he would remember all the herbalism lessons he received from Vil, and what kind of treatment he should do with such injury. Despite everything, he’s still a Pomefiore student who prides himself with potions along with everyone else, right? He’s determined about which potions to give you, all those hellish training he received must’ve prepared him just for this moment. Of course, when things goes to down south and he isn’t able to act up fast enough, he’ll suck up his pride and go to either his Vice Dorm or Dorm Leader themselves for some help. Jack and Sebek would have similar reactions though, but of course, Sebek would be the one to panic first.

Sebek will check if your situation is something he can handle first, calling out to you with his usual loud voice, slowly getting frightened that his tone was doing nothing or even lifting your consciousness back up. Sebek doesn’t trust any other humans to take care of you so he’ll probably go to Lilia during times of desperation, explaining loud and clear what happened and humbly asks for his help. Meanwhile, Jack is the type to be calm on the outside but that single strand of sweat down his forehead shows how nervous he really is on the inside. He’ll do everything he can to save your situation, trying to ignore the overwhelming guilt in his heart for now as he takes you to a nearby hospital. Yes, he’s calm but he still might end up blowing a fuse and growls aggressively when a staff member asks too many questions since he’s so anxious that they you might not make it if they don’t take care of you right away.

Overall, I think all of them but Sebek would have similar reactions and outcome right after. They’ll apologize and would promise to you that something like this won’t ever happen ever again and that they’ll take care of you better. Sebek however, would be quite stubborn about it, shifting the blame on you for being too “weak” to handle something like that. Of course, that doesn’t mean he’s not guilty himself, he won’t openly show it but along with all the other three, they’ll become a lot more protective than they used to be, shielding you from anything that’s harmful. They’ll be a little less overbearing and could even give you a bit more freedom despite their own paranoia if you really want to.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you can take advantage of that, okay?

Leona is aware how rough he is with you, that’s just his overall nature as a beast after all. Though, you might not notice this time around, but he actually tries to hold back whenever he can to accomodate to your needs, so that you wouldn’t break so easily within his hands. But today does not seem to be the day, control was not added to his list this time around. Clicking his tongue as soon as he noticed the alarming difference in your breathing and heartbeat, he’ll most likely throw his phone at Ruggie or Jack to call the nearby hospital along with his wallet too, though he doesn’t like the thought of handing you over to someone, even if it were medical professionals. If there’s a healing potion nearby, he’ll quickly snatch it up, read the first label, before shoving it down your throat without even reading the rest of the potion description.

...Now, you might see him as reckless and even more aggressive than before when you were fine, but you have to understand. This was desperation he’s feeling, there was no way in hell he’ll admit it but the moment he felt your heartbeat slow down, his emotions dropped down in an alarming rate too, you know? So, of course he’ll be this aggressive when trying to save you from a life or death situation. There was just no way that he’s going to let you go out like this, death doesn’t even have the right to take you away from him. Of course, despite everything, this doesn’t really change his ways after everything’s all said and done, you know?

An apology just doesn’t seem like something that would come out of Leona’s mouth anytime soon so, I don’t recommend expecting anything. In fact, he might even get angry at you, saying things like how you took way too long to recover and won’t even give you time to protest back. But he’s aware that he’s at fault at least, he accepted it actually, but frankly, he just doesn’t care if you see him as a villain or anything lik that. He’ll still treat you with the same roughness and aggresiveness as before, but somehow you began to notice how his bites doesn’t seem to dig as far beyond your flesh that it bleeds anymore, it was just enough to cause a mark now. You don’t even dare to mention how cuddling time seems to last longer than it should’ve had.

Situations like these might bring Azul and Kalim to tears, realizing that their actions had gone too far for your body to handle. They’re quick to use all the healing elixirs they had and Kalim would immediately call for Jamil’s assistance while Azul calls for the twins. Some potions takes a while to take in effect, it’s a fact that they knew however just can’t tolerate the thought of sitting there and not doing anything, Azul most especially. They’ll call for multiple doctors that they had personal connection with, Kalim would even call for doctors that works for the royal families and doesn’t care how much he’ll have to pay them even if it means saving his Darling. Azul would be the type to yell at each doctor to hurry the hell up before it’s all too late due to panic, so different from his usual calm self.

Their behavior changes quite similarly with each other as they would both apologize to you over and over again, their arms wrapped around you as if you’ll disappear once they loosened their hold. This is probably going to traumatize both of them and will become even more protective than they ever did with you, watching everything you do in anticipation of another dangeous situation. Kalim has a better grasp over his emotions since he listens to you better and promises to never become rough with you ever again, but he’ll stay with you for the majority of the time, granting everything you could wish for and to make sure that you’re being taken good care of. But good luck trying to talk you way out with Azul though, this man is a bit more unhinged when it comes to his emotions. He won’t listen to your suggestions because he only believes in the things that he thinks is right for you.

Although Azul promised you that he won’t be as rough next time, you have a feeling that this uncontrollable paranoid feelings of his would be the exact thing that would ultimately lead him to break his own promise.

Jade, Rook, and Lilia would be surprised but not at all panicked, these are the characters that knows fairly well how nimble human life could be and had already prepared for situations like this. They’ll carefully tend to you and fix what they did wrong, soothing your pained expression in a matter of minutes, since they’re so used to this by now. They’ll apologize right after, feeling genuinely saddened by what happened to you as an outcome of their own selfishness, but I don’t think they’ll change their ways anytime soon. It’s disturbing to think that they might even do it again for all we know, just to observe what will happen and to know how far they can really go. But they’ll have to make sure to be very careful the next time they try though, they won’t like you broken after all. A terrifying thought, isn’t it?

It might capture Vil off-guard at first, the way his Darling suddenly weakened for receiving too much punishments, but it was nothing to worry about when he’s this talented when it comes to elixirs. With just a single drop, he’s confident that he can clear you all off your pain and injuries would go away just like that, if you’re a good girl that is, but of course, he’ll use it when it’s a life or death situation...Unless the potion doesn’t work, then that would be a different story which would lead Vil to immediately contacting the nearest hospital. I think Vil would definitely realize his own faults here and apologize to you right after, but expects you to learn your lesson as well. It doesn’t really change the way he acts towards you but he’ll certainly become a lot more careful in the future.

Idia wouldn’t know what to do and panic with tears prickling around his eyes as the blue flames that is his hair roared in anxiety. His flexible fingers would do a quick search in the net in mere seconds, but none of the solution seems to align with what he did, plus you were running out of time so he needed to actually move for real. He’ll use Ortho to initiate medical mode on you in which the young robot will be more than willing to do while he remains by your side, apologizing constantly, saying how much of a screw-up he is that he wasn’t even able to take care of you properly. This will definitely scare him in the future, especially now that he realized how fragile you really are. He got a good glimpse of what will happen if he ends getting too comfortable with your body, the mere thought of it happening again will traumatize him enough that he might not even touch you for a while.

...He will get lonely though so, little by little, he might try to talk to you, always asking if you’re okay.

This took me way too much time but it’s worth it~ (΄◉◞౪◟◉｀) I love it when these boys suffer because of their own yandere consequences lol

[epicseptic]

Erseptyl AU

Prologue Part2

So this is part 2/3 to the prologue of my fantasy au? I so apologize if this one doesn’t live up to the first. This one got a little too ambitious for me.... but I am still learning how to word ^^’ And dialogue.. i gotta learn to do that too. I’ll learn tho. I hope.... Criticism is appreciated ^^’

Part one - https://epicseptic.tumblr.com/post/660766644770062336/erseptyl-au

----------

"Ugh, this is so BORING!" Marvin groaned. He slumped in his place on the throne, leaning his elbow on the armrest with his head in his hand.

"Your Highness, please refrain from such inappropriate outbursts...." Anti was highly unamused by the misbehavior and the disapproving look on his face said it all. He stood to the left of the throne with a book as big as an encyclopedia in his arms and a quill in his hand. As Marvin's royal advisor, he stood beside him throughout most of the day charting records and ultimately helping the prince make decisions on social and economical issues in the kingdom. He was typically very calm and passionate about his work, always wanting to get straight to the point and sometimes getting carried away. 

At least, that's how Marvin saw it.

"How many people did you say I would have to meet with today?" He asked, his boredom was evident in the tone of his voice and the way he kicked his foot against the carpet.

"Not many. Several folks from town have requested an audience with you. Afterwards, you are to meet with a group of men from the council to discuss taxes and production within the city. It should only take a couple of hours. Now please sit up straight and be professional." His words were quite stern and he spoke to him as if he was instructing a four year old. It was clear that he didn't have much patience to deal with the prince's nonsense today.

Marvin simply huffed with slight annoyance as he propped himself up and fixed his posture. He was used to behaving "properly" but he wasn't fond of the way the servants would still tell him how to act. It seemed that some of them still treated him like some kind of adolescent child. Maybe they didn't see it the same way, but he thought he was perfectly mature. Inexperienced maybe, but other than that he didn’t need everyone to hold his hand all the time. He wasn’t just some child anymore. He just wasn't at all excited about the boring meetings he would have to sit through today... 

As if right on cue, the captain of the royal guard, Chase, entered through the castle gates and approached the throne along the long, golden colored carpet. "Your Highness" He kneeled in front of the steps when he reached the end of the hall. "The townspeople that are to meet with you are beginning to line up outside. Shall I let them in now?"

Chase was Marvin's most skilled soldier. He was skilled in both sword and bow. In fact, archery was his strongest suit. He was dedicated and disciplined, though you would never know that outside of the sparring halls since that side of himself was reserved only for the training grounds and the battlefield. His authoritative conduct usually stayed buried beneath his friendly and optimistic attitude when he was around the rest of the staff. He was friendly and fun, but focussed when he needed to be. Marvin quite appreciated his companionship as well. He was a good friend and was actually acquainted with the prince on a more personal level, much like JJ was. However, he still treated Marvin with the utmost respect. To this day, he still refused to address him by his first name no matter how many times Marvin told him he could.

With a bit of uncertainty, Marvin looked to Anti who simply stared impatiently back at him, waiting for him to give the command to the knight. He supposed that look meant yes. He sighed, ready to just get the afternoon over with. "Yes. Please send them in...."

Chase wasted no time nodding and getting to his feet to fetch the townspeople waiting outside and it wasn't long before he returned to introduce the first individual; a baker by the name of Ludwig looking to expand his business. He was asking to be given the funds to open a second shop on the other side of town and to provide himself with the proper equipment. A reasonable thing to ask for, right?

"Well…" Marvin thought aloud upon hearing the man’s plea. He knew that his advisor would insist on denying this request - that he would see no significance in the man's plight - but decisions like this really preyed on Marvin's moral values. 

When he didn't come up with a quick enough response, Anti decided to chime in and give his opinion. "Your highness, adding another bakery into the city is not a priority. There is no need to waste tax money on... cake..." He had a look of disgust on his face when he said that last word, his eyes scanning the man up and down. His words were harsh and Marvin cringed seeing the baker’s heartbroken expression. As he suspected, Anti was opposed to the idea. He took his opinion into account but he still didn't know what he should say. It was all so daunting, having everyone's eyes on him while he anxiously tried to come up with something that would make everyone happy... But he knew that no matter what he chose, someone was going to be upset. Whether it was the baker who would leave empty handed and disappointed, or Anti who would disagree with the way he handled money. It was as if he was stood before a tall, delicate structure and, despite his best efforts to keep it standing, his ultimate decision would always send it crashing down. Since being in charge, he quickly learned that there were no compromises. Apparently, it wasn’t about making a choice that made everyone happy, but instead about choosing the one that would cause less destruction…

He knew that he couldn't pass out gold to just anyone but, in the end, he couldn't deny someone the opportunity to follow their dreams. And so, he finally had his verdict. "I think it's great that you want to share your talent with your people. I would be honored to help provide you with the means to do so." He agreed and the man was immediately filled with joy. He thanked the prince again and again, saying that the kingdom was blessed to have such a gracious ruler like him. He had to admit, he felt a bit awkward by his kind words but, aside from that, he was just happy to see the man filled with such happiness. Besides, Marvin knew what it was like to want to be a part of something bigger and achieve a personal level of success. 

It felt good to come to a rewarding conclusion and he was beaming as he watched Chase escort the very joyful man out of the throne room. However, when he looked to Anti, he noticed him looking down with a frown as he scribbled something in his notes. He was shaking his head in disapproval and Marvin's smile promptly faded seeing the sour expression on his face. Suddenly he began wondering if he made the right choice after all. Maybe he should've thought a little harder about his decision but wasn't keeping the people happy the right thing to do? Wasn't that the most important thing about being a ruler?

He just didn't know anymore. He wished someone would tell him... It always seemed like he was doing something wrong. It was never good enough for everyone…

Minutes after the man had left the throne room, the next citizen walked in through the large doors. After all the time he'd spent pondering the first request, he already felt so overwhelmed and began wondering just how long that whole ordeal had taken.

"Umm… Anti?” He leaned over his chair to whisper to him. “How long have we been here?"

He stared vacantly at him for a moment, completely speechless. "Your highness, we just got started… It's only been 10 minutes. Now, please sit properly!" He whispered back but with a far more impatient tone. Truthfully, he was shocked that the prince was already getting restless when they'd only just begun.

Only 10 minutes? He frowned and corrected his posture again, resting his head in his hand while he leaned against the armrest. If that's how long 10 minutes felt, he couldn't imagine how long he was going to have to sit there… Sitting in one spot for hours was boring enough as it was, but the most taxing part of it all would be making proper, sensible decisions in a timely manner. all while trying his best to keep everyone happy. That was the most difficult part about all of this and he knew that all of the stress was going to leave him exhausted. There was no telling how long these meetings were going to last but he just tried to maintain professionalism and push through the next few hours with a smile. All he knew was that it was about to be a long afternoon… 

----------

Later that evening, after all of his meetings were finally over, Marvin had retired to his study. Unfortunately, though his meetings were over, his business was not and he still had yet to finish answering many other requests. His study room consisted of bookshelves on either side of the room, a large arched window in the back with the curtains wide open to let in the sunlight, and his desk in the center which contained paperwork, ink, quills, and books.

He was sitting at his desk with his head resting tiredly in his hand while he leaned his elbow on the wood. Anti was with him and he was listening to him read out more propositions for him to answer to. These ones were different from the meetings he had to sit through earlier since they weren’t just from town, but from all over the kingdom. Each proposition came with a scroll of paper to sign and Anti passed them to him on the table one by one. He had such a hard time focusing on them and found himself staring distantly at the papers in front of him, barely caring enough to listen as Anti read them out.

"Your Highness, the king in the neighboring kingdom is planning to raid Jaskervawl and he is inviting you to join him. He is simply asking for you to provide men and weapons for his cause. This would be a great opportunity for you to-"

"No, thank you." He suddenly interrupted, not wanting to hear any more. He already hated the sound of this selfish request.

Anti didn't appreciate being interrupted but he calmly continued just as before. "My Prince, if I may, this would be a great opportunity to expand your reign and conquer more territory." Anti made an effort to calmly convince him to change his mind and go through with the raid. "As king, it is important that you claim land and supplies for profit, even if that means stealing it. Just think, your leadership could strike fear into your enemies."

He shook his head. "I said no. I will not get involved in a war."

"My liege, I think you should accept this proposal.” He immediately disregarded his refusal and insisted that he go through with the assault on Jaskervawl. “You cannot continue to dodge vital opportunities such as this. A king must show leadership! You represent everything that this kingdom stands for. Whether or not this leads to a war, should not concern you...“ This is what he hated most when it came to working under the prince. He was always trying to 'play it safe' and it was obviously holding him back. His lack of leadership was only hindering the growth of the kingdom's productivity and, therefore, its money. 

And to him, money meant power.

"I said, no." Though he raised his voice a bit, he remained patient with Anti. However, it was starting to bug him that his words seemed to have no effect on the situation. He was in charge and yet it felt like he had no say in this. He wanted nothing more to do with it. "We will speak of this no further."

By this point, Anti was incredibly irked and found that he couldn't hold back his frustration any longer. "You are going to be king one day, and you expect to be as successful as your father? At this rate you’ll never measure up to him! What kind of example do you intend to set if you do not grow up and take some responsibility to provide for your kingdom? When will you accept your role as a ruler and quit avoiding every opportunity to-"

"Enough! That is not your decision to make!" This struck a nerve for him. He could only take so much of Anti patronizing him and he quickly got to his feet, his hands slamming on the table in protest. "I am the prince and I run this kingdom, not you! Do not speak to me like I am some kind of naive child!"

Anti fell silent. Marvin noticed and he brought his voice level down significantly.

He waited a few moments, took a deep breath, then sighed. "I told you, I decline. I will not risk the safety of my people or my army. You would do well to accept that, Anti."

"But-"

"You are my advisor, not my father. You have no authority over me. You are merely here to assist me in my daily affairs. I make the decisions, not you." It seemed he always had to remind him of his place...

He hesitated, swallowing back his agitation. "Yes, my liege...." He bit his tongue, so hard that he could taste a slight tang of blood in his mouth. He had to bite back whatever bitter insult he so longed to spit into the prince's face.

Marvin never noticed anything out of the ordinary and sat back down in his chair once he’d calmed down. He stared down at the paper in front of him with thought before picking it up and crumpling it into a ball in his hand. "Look....” He began. “I will remind you again not to step out of line."

"Yes, of course.... My humblest apologies, my lord. It seems I have allowed myself to lose my composure again...” His words were almost dramatic. The tone he used was excessively apologetic. So much so that any other person would suspect that it was all an act, like a jester putting on a terrible theater play, portraying a character that anyone could see right through. “I hope you will have mercy on me...." He bowed deeply with his left hand over his chest. No matter how many times this happened, he always acted so sincere, and Marvin believed him. He felt that he had no reason to doubt him.

He never looked back at Anti. In fact, he seemed to intentionally avoid looking directly at him. Instead, Marvin breathed a heavy sigh and after a few moments of silence, he offered his answer. "Of course…." He said calmly. Even though Anti tended to lose his cool, he worked efficiently at his job and Marvin couldn't bring himself to punish him. He wanted to be fair but perhaps he wasn't being firm enough. 

It didn't matter right now. His mind was tired and he was at his limit. He just wanted to finally be rid of all of the stress of this day. "Please, Anti, if you don't mind, I think I'm done with my duties for today. I'm exhausted…."

More annoying delays... He wanted to protest again but quickly caught himself and held back before he could make a sound. "Understood... We can continue this matter tomorrow. I will just take my leave then." He bowed to him once again. However, he never once took his cold, harsh glare off of him. The expression on his face was disturbingly calm, but his eyes were like icy daggers. It was like his stare alone could impale you just the same as any sharp blade.

Again, Marvin failed to notice this and laid his forehead directly on his desk, both arms dangling lazily at his sides. He really acted so immature sometimes... It didn't matter anymore though because Anti hastily turned on his heel and exited the room, not wanting to waste another moment he could be spending elsewhere.

Stepping out into the hall, he passed by another servant, JJ to be exact, who was carrying a tray of dessert for the prince in his hands. Anti marched down the corridor, the weight of his boots on the carpet let anyone within earshot know of his presence. JJ felt his shoulders stiffen when he noticed Anti ahead of him. He knew that they would inevitably cross paths so he made a great effort not to accidentally make eye contact with the intimidating man in front of him. Though his head remained facing forward the whole time, as he passed him, JJ swore he caught a glimpse of that same icy stare glancing at him with disgust. The moment was so short but the weight of his stare was almost suffocating. And as he walked away, the wind from his cape trailing behind him carried a bitter chill to it that made Jamie shudder.

As scared as he was of Anti though, he couldn’t help but stop in his tracks and turn back to catch a glimpse of him walking away with a posture so tall and full of pride… He looked so normal from a distance but up close, Anti was terrifying. He tried to just shake it off and pay no mind to his unsettling presence though. He had important matters that needed his attention, and after a few moments of staring, he turned around and continued down the corridor to Marvin's study.

He carefully knocked on the door when he’d reached it. Seconds later, he heard Marvin's muffled voice from the other side, permitting him to enter. He entered the room slowly and closed the door behind him. The first thing he saw was Marvin sitting with his arms folded on the desk and his head buried in his arms. He looked… comfortable... He didn't want to disturb him so he set down the tray on the desk in front of him and gave his shoulder a gentle tap.

When Marvin looked up, he saw a lovely piece of fruit cake on a small plate waiting for him. Then he noticed JJ looking at him with concern written in his expression. He quickly corrected his posture and shook the hair away from his face to quickly fix himself up for his friend and make it seem like nothing was out of the ordinary. Maybe JJ wouldn’t notice his tiredness.

"Oh- Hey, Jamie" he greeted as naturally as he could. However, JJ could see the fatigue on his face, plain as day.

"Is everything alright?" He signed. Seeing as how Anti had just left the room and Marvin being so worn out, he suspected that Anti had lost his temper again. This seemed to be a pattern with Anti and JJ wasn't at all pleased with the way he overstepped his boundaries with the prince.

Anti carried the blood of a dark elf in his veins and, while his kind had been wiped out by humans long ago, it seemed that his temperament matched that of his ancestors. It was a characteristic of his, yet it always made JJ wonder why Anti would take on a role in serving the royal family. Shouldn't he have a grudge on the royal bloodline for the destruction of his kind? As curious as he was, Jamie couldn't bring himself to ask. Anti was terrifying enough as it was. But why on earth would someone with such a short fuse like him work such a tedious job like this one? He should know what to expect by now.

"Did something happen with Anti?" He inquired worriedly, already expecting the answer he dreaded to hear.

He picked up the plate from the tray and placed it in front of himself. He didn't know how to answer him. He knew that if he said yes, JJ would scold him again for letting Anti lose his cool. But he couldn’t lie. Not to Jamie. "Well…" he paused, choosing his words carefully. "He just got a little heated again. It's no big deal though. I took care of it-"

Already he could see JJ's expression harden and his brows furrowing in anger. The mute wasn't usually one to lose his temper but when it came to his best friend, he became quite defensive.

"Marvin, you cannot allow him to disrespect you like that." He signed his name… Now Marvin knew just how serious he was. Even his hands moved more vigorously as he signed.

Marvin raised his shoulders and his cheeks flushed with shame. He knew that JJ was only concerned for him but he still felt as if he was a child who was being verbally chastised over a small mistake. Truthfully, he felt hopeless.

"It's fine, JJ. I have it all under control. It's nothing I can't handle-"

"Don't you see? He's doing more harm than good. He's stressing you out. Why do you continue to employ him?"

Marvin was silent. He stared down at the untouched cake in front of him, trying once again to find his words. "I can't just fire him. He might be impatient sometimes or lose his cool, but I feel like he has potential… You know?" He paused. "I mean… Surely, he's trying to better himself. Right? He deserves a chance at that…" He tried so hard to defend him and justify his cruel actions.

There was more to it than that and JJ could tell that he had more reason to want to trust Anti. He had a feeling he knew what it was too... Anti had been working at the castle for a long time. Longer than himself and many of the other servants. He had previously been under the employment of the king and only continued to serve under the prince. Marvin didn't want to fire him because he felt that he was the closest living person to his father. He certainly trusted him enough to allow him into the royal court… He just couldn't let go of someone who worked so closely with his father. Anti was the only one in the castle who spent all of his time with the king. If anyone knew how the king worked, it was him and Marvin believed him to be the only one who could show him how to be just as good as his father.

JJ had to admit, he felt a small bit offended. It seemed that Marvin saw Anti as more of a figure of guidance than him… In a way, he was disappointed that his best friend didn’t perceive him in that way. Despite all of that though, his reason for keeping the elf in power was personal and so JJ didn't want to press the matter further. Besides, the reasons didn't matter. It was clear that Marvin really trusted Anti as his advisor and didn't have the heart to remove him from his staff.

Marvin could see JJ looking at him intently with a very puzzled stare, as if he was staring into his mind trying to pick apart his very thoughts for trusting such a foul individual. "Look, don't worry about Anti. I know he's a bit… Unorthodox? But he deserves just as much a chance to work here as anyone else… Please, just give him a chance, okay?" 

Hearing those words reminded JJ of how kind Marvin really was as a person. Naive, no doubt, but kind. It was concerning sometimes, especially in this case. He pinched the bridge of his nose, knowing that there was nothing he could say to change the prince's mind. He didn't trust Anti one bit and, the way he saw it, Anti was faking his respect for the prince because when he was anywhere but by the prince's side, his demeanor changed. It was ominous and conniving. All of the servants knew it. There was always something going on behind his mask of loyalty but no one truly knew what he was thinking. It was disturbing to say the least.

JJ sighed in defeat. "I will trust your judgment, my friend." He addressed him more personally. "But please watch your back around him. Don't let him get away with his power..."

It was apparent that JJ didn't trust Anti. In fact, he was aware that multiple people in his staff felt very put off by Anti in general but Marvin still had faith in him. Besides, even if Anti lost his temper from time to time, he always seemed to catch himself and correct his behavior. Why would he punish someone who was just doing their best?

"Don't worry, Jamie. I'll keep an eye on him." He looked at him, giving him a confident, reassuring smile. He’d hoped that JJ could see things the way he did and trust in his judgment and it seemed he did a good job convincing him.

The atmosphere seemed kind of tense now after their conversation but then Marvin suddenly remembered the cake that he still had yet to touch. It had completely slipped his mind and he awkwardly fumbled for the fork that was still resting on the tray that JJ had brought in, eager to change the subject to something else.

"Oh! But this cake sure looks incredible-" He declared with renewed excitement. He scooped a generous helping of cake onto the small fork and took a taste of the beautiful dessert. It tasted just as good as it looked. It was dense and sweet and it was the perfect thing to help him relax after such a long day of meetings. “Hmm… Thank you, Jamie…”

Usually, Marvin would not be allowed to have junk food before dinner since it would spoil his appetite, but JJ decided that he would make an exception for today. It had been a long day and this was the perfect thing to help him relax before his bedtime eventually rolled around. Until then, JJ would let him take his time and enjoy his cake. He was just happy to see him smiling and enjoying himself for the first time all day. It was probably the most rewarding thing about being Marvin’s valet; getting to cheer him up when he needed it most. He smiled sweetly at him and signed once more. “Of course, my friend.”

----------

I hope its still okay to tag you all? ^^’

@jack-and-sammy @geekyfox2 @fanaticallyperfect @cryptid-bwoid 

[caswellprmanager]

drawbridge

read it on ao3

Ship: Ricky Bowen/EJ Caswell

Summary: Snippets of EJ Caswell's life leading up to the mystery that is Ricky Bowen.

Notes: Hello. I decided to bite the bullet and post something here! This technically is in my Trans!EJ and Genderqueer!Ricky AU but I haven't properly written anything for it yet so consider this one to be the first official fic within that universe. Feel free to send some asks or other headcanons in my inbox about the AU! I'd love to hear what people think (but don't be unnecessarily mean. I will delete that very quickly.)

Disclaimer: I'm not an expert in all things transgender or genderqueer. I am writing from my own experience within the spectrum however so it's truthful to what I have been through, but will not represent everyone else's experiences. I also have friends within the spectrum who have given me great advice on how to go about these things but once again, it won't be accurate to everyone's experiences.

Warnings: Mentions of gender dysphoria, transphobia, and neglectful parents

People always told EJ that he had the picture perfect family.

His mom and dad were successful corporate lawyers, they lived in the wealthiest suburb in all of Salt Lake City, and he was the kind of child other parents would compare their own children to saying, "why can't you be more like EJ?"

But EJ knows that's farthest from the truth.

He doesn't have the picture perfect life or the paragon of White American families that people think they do. His parents are affectionate and supportive only when there are people around to comment on it. Most of the time, they're not even at home, leaving all of the child raising to their maids and other house servants. EJ spends more time at Ashlyn's house than he does at home because at least his aunt and uncle actually treat him like a son.

Because there are days his parents would forget they have a son. Sometimes they'd slip and call him their daughter, which makes EJ want to disappear from this world altogether. He supposes he should be grateful that they even bothered to pay for all the things he asked for — binders, testosterone shots, and regular visits to the doctor to check up on him throughout his transition. And he is grateful. He knows so many kids like him that can't even afford a decent sized binder without going bankrupt. He used to be that kid until he gathered up all his courage to come out to his parents.

But what they told him?

"Well, if you're gonna be our son, you will have to work twice as hard to make us proud now."

Yeah. It's a lot to process when you're 12 years old and scared shitless that you'd be disowned for "disrupting the natural order." But he figures things could be worse. So he sucks it up and vows to become the kind of son that his parents could truly brag about.

When EJ was a kid, he loved mysteries. His parents were the greatest mystery of them all. He's spent so much of his time trying to figure out what makes them happy, or angry, or sad. He's put the clues together and has a cork board of pictures and red string at the forefront of his mind whenever he so much as tries to interact with them. Soon, he sort of figured out what makes his parents smile at him — when EJ is excellent.

So, he became excellent at all kinds of sports, took up piano lessons, studied until his eyeballs burned with the lowlight of his desk lamp — all so that he could maybe get a pat on the back from his dad and a small smile from his mom. Their versions of "good job" or "keep it up." He drank that all in, craved it even, and worked his whole life until now to get even an iota of his parents' affection.

So, when he meets Ricky Bowen, the lanky and extremely clumsy skater who seems to live in the detention room, he was met with a brand new mystery to solve.

"Who's that?" EJ whispers into Nini's ear, who just seems to be irritated by the new person's presence.

"That's Ricky," she says with the barest hint of affection but with a whole lot of irritation. "My ex."

"Huh," He says, intrigued by the way Ricky's movements stutter like a half-finished stop motion film and how their wide doe eyes scan the room like — unironically — a deer in headlights. They looked nervous, confused, and all around terrified and EJ wants to reach out to them and tell them that this was a safe space. That they could be whoever they wanted to be in the theater.

He glances at Nini when Ricky starts singing a song that she seems to recognize. The immediate tensing of her shoulders and the way she subconsciously reaches out for EJ's hand for support tells him that this song... means something. Or meant something. EJ's not quite sure but he squeezes Nini's hand in silent reassurance, bringing himself to half-glare at the guitar playing skater just a few feet before him.

--

He met Nini during theater camp. A firecracker of talent with a voice that could melt the heart of even the coldest man on earth. She was beautiful in the spotlight and even more ethereal beneath the stars. She was kind, gentle, and a mystery that EJ solved quickly enough. She wore her heart on her sleeve despite it being broken because she believes that broken hearts can be mended with time and patience.

Nini was patient with him. She was patient with him when he took her up the little hill next to the campsite just to watch the stars on an old picnic blanket he stole from the camp counselors. She was patient with him when he couldn't keep up with the dance steps. Her hand was warm in his own and the flush of her palm by his neck was a grounding force that kept his head from going in the clouds.

She was especially patient with him when he took her to an empty tent and told her about his life. Nini was kind. Nini was patient. Nini was safe. And if she were to walk away and tell him that she wanted nothing to do with him after what he told her, he would have understood and learned to not associate kind brown eyes and ukulele calloused fingers to what could be barely described as home.

But she held his hand in her tinier ones, a smile on her face that radiated warmth that seeped into the depths of his soul, and told him that she was proud of him.

It was the first time that someone was proud of him... for just being him.

He cried into her arms that night, knowing he's got a lifelong friend within the kind brown eyes and ukulele calloused fingers of one Nini Salazar-Roberts.

--

"She thinks I'm a Chad?" He asks, less incredulously and more with a burning curiosity.

Nini rubs his arm comfortingly but he keeps staring at the cast list like it was going to burst into flames any second. "You're still a Troy understudy! You could still go on as him in one of the shows."

"Shows only run for three nights, Nini." He says with barely concealed frustration. Great. If he can't even get the role he was technically destined to play, how the hell is he going to explain himself to his parents?

You're not the lead? Oh, then we won't watch. If you're not onstage the whole time, why be there?

EJ grits his teeth and slowly brings his gaze to the person who has just taken away one more way for him to prove himself to his parents. Ricky Fucking Bowen, who stands there once again with their enormous brown eyes, gaping like a fish. EJ wants to deck them in the face. But Nini's hold on his arm grounds him back to reality and he lets out a long breath through his nose.

This is gonna be a long next few months.

--

"Look, I'm just trying to make the best out of a bad situation."

"Don't try," He ends up saying, still wiping at the blood caused by the basketball Ricky hit him with only moments ago. "It's painful to watch you do something you clearly don't want to do."

"What makes you think I don't want to do this?" Ricky asks with furrowed brows and EJ throws the wadded up tissue paper stained with his blood into the trash.

"You hated musicals before you auditioned. You landed the part of Troy without even fucking trying. And now you think you can get through rehearsals without fucking trying? It's tiring to work with someone who couldn't give two shits about this musical in the first place!" He says, every sentence rising in volume as he steps closer and closer to Ricky. "You also need to stay the fuck away from Nini."

Ricky scoffs then. "Why? Cause you're her boyfriend?"

"What? And you are?" He retaliates, which effectively makes Ricky click their mouth shut. EJ smirks. "Yeah. That's what I thought."

"Nini can choose whoever she wants to talk to." Ricky ends up saying with tense shoulders and a glare that could murder if EJ weren't already a person who doesn't fear death. "You can't tell me what to do."

"Well someone has to!" EJ throws his hands up in frustration, grabbing his jacket and zipping it up angrily. "Because you don't listen to Nini though, do you? Have you ever listened to her? Do you listen to anybody?"

"EJ I—"

"You better listen to me right now Ricky Bowen," he laces every syllable of Ricky's name with venom. "Stop trying to make things right. Stop trying to become a person you're not. If you actually cared about Nini or – god forbid – the musical, you'd stop trying and just get your shit together."

EJ doesn't even bother to look back at Ricky as he exits the bathroom, unaware of the look in Ricky's eyes when he walked away.

--

It isn't until Ricky approaches him one day after rehearsals that EJ was finally starting to unravel the mystery that was Ricky Bowen.

"Hey... EJ?" Ricky asks, looking at anywhere but at him and EJ would have been annoyed if it weren't for the way Ricky was holding themselves in front of him. They were tense, eyes glassy and unfocused whenever EJ caught a glance, and their fingers were gripping their bag straps so tightly that he was afraid Ricky was going to rip it apart if they weren't careful.

"Hey Ricky," He says with a softer voice than he's ever used with Ricky. "Is there something you need?"

Ricky's eyes dart around the still full rehearsal room, at the dangerously close proximity Miss Jenn was, at the stage managers that were just behind EJ who were reviewing the blocking notes, and finally at Nini who was engaged in a conversation with Carlos and Seb. Ricky's eyes lingered on Nini for a bit before they reluctantly settled on EJ's pristine white sneakers. "I would have normally asked Nini for this but – and you can say no by the way I'd completely understand – it's just..."

Ricky looks around again before leaning closer to EJ and shakily whispering, "Do you have any tampons?"

And just like that, the walls that were built around a certain Ricky Bowen were starting to crack. And EJ was allowed to see the smallest snippet of the kind of vulnerability that Ricky was capable of.

And it was the kind of vulnerability that he could relate to completely.

"My emergency stash is in my locker," He says, hastily packing up the rest of his things while Ricky continues to stand there dumbfounded. When EJ turns back to him with his own bag over his shoulder, he could see that there are a few unshed tears shining in Ricky's eyes. EJ softens for a second, knowing how difficult it must have been for Ricky to come to him for something so private.

"Come on. I'll even guard the bathroom for you." Ricky eventually follows him after a few seconds of just staring at his back and they fall in step around the corner. Ricky stays silent, fingers all fidgety and eyes still darting around like they'll be caught any second. EJ, instinctually, wraps a comforting arm around Ricky's shoulders. Ricky doesn't relax immediately but they do lean a little closer, somehow finding the weight of EJ's arm around them safe.

They eventually reach EJ's locker and Ricky smiles a bit because it's directly across from Sharpay's famous pink lockers. "Did you choose this spot specifically for Sharpay's lockers?"

EJ glances behind him and chuckles, rummaging through his stuff. "Oh yeah. If you say Ashley Tisdale three times in a row while touching her locker, you're guaranteed good fortune for at least a week."

Ricky looks at him with a smirk. "Have you tried that before?"

"Every year during finals week. I'm telling you, that shit works."

"Or maybe you're just really smart."

"Maybe," EJ says, finally locating his emergency stash of period essentials. "Or maybe it's just Ashley Tisdale bopping me to the top."

That's when Ricky lets out a laugh — an honest to god booming belly laugh that makes EJ pause just to stare at him. They look... nice like this. Without the worry lines and longing gazes at a girl who won't give them the time of day. They look just like a little kid, carefree and alive despite the world crumbling all around them, and EJ feels a weird surge of pride at being the person who made Ricky laugh like that.

He wants Ricky to laugh like that more. He wants to be the person who makes Ricky laugh like that more.

And so the walls around Ricky crack a little further, and the drawbridge is opened for one weary traveler to come in.

EJ doesn't notice the cracks on his own walls, nor the knowing little princess who watches from the east tower, smiling.

--

"Hey, what are your pronouns?"

Ricky doesn't look up from their practice skateboard, concentrating hard on their balance. "I don't have any. I'm just Ricky." They look up though, giving EJ a warm smile. "But go ahead and use any pronouns with me. I don't mind if it's you."

"So would you mind if I call you your majesty?"

EJ doesn't miss the flush on Ricky's cheeks at that and definitely doesn't miss the way they say "I'd like that very much." with the barest hint of embarrassment.

"Okay," EJ says with his chin propped up in his hands. "Your majesty."

Ricky falls off of their practice skateboard then, soon glaring up at a cackling EJ still with a blushing face.

--

EJ forgot his binder today.

And his body loved reminding him every time he took a step.

Thankfully, there wasn't going to be water polo practice today and he could get away with wearing multiple layers to school. But even with the sports bra, the t-shirt, the sweatshirt, and the letterman jacket doing a good job at making his chest look flat, he still felt his skin crawl looking at the mirror. His jeans hugged him a little too tightly, forcing him to notice the still feminine curve of his hips. His sports bra was a tad smaller than the last time he wore it, so the pinch at his chest doubled in size.

EJ resolved that he was not going to have a good day today.

But today was tech rehearsals and he couldn't ditch that. He was starting to really enjoy rehearsals now that he and Ricky are on good terms. Even the stage managers ask him to hang out with them time to time outside of rehearsals. EJ actually felt like... he really belonged somewhere now. And he wasn't going to let this ruin it for him. Not today.

"Hey EJ," He heard Nini say to him as he got out of his car. "What's with all the layers? It's pretty hot today."

"It's one of those days, Neens." He says with a heavy sigh and Nini just grabs his hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. Ricky rolls up to them two seconds later, their head suspiciously missing a helmet.

"How many times do I have to tell you to wear a helmet when you're skateboarding, Ricky?" EJ tries to scold the junior despite this weirdly overwhelming fondness growing inside of him every time he even looks at Ricky now.

"Haven't gotten into an accident yet," Ricky shrugs, smiling politely at Nini and changing it into a cocky little smirk the second they look at EJ.

"Yet being the operative word here," EJ rolls his eyes and opens his trunk for Ricky to stash his board in for later. "I won't drive you to the hospital if you end up getting a concussion for not wearing a helmet."

"Yes you will." Ricky says, knocking their shoulders together. "You love me!"

EJ freezes for a bit but before he could even respond, Ricky is already catching up to Big Red and Gina, waving back at EJ and Nini with a wide grin. EJ stares at him for a few seconds, not quite sure how to process the last few moments, until Nini waves a hand in front of his face.

"Hello? Earth to EJ?"

"Huh?"

"Care to share with the class what's going on?" The little smirk on her lips says it all and EJ was not going to fall for that.

"Nope. There's nothing to share."

"Mhm," She says, looping her arm around EJ as soon as he closed his trunk. "Of course there isn't, EJ." Nini pretends not to see EJ staring at Ricky as they walk into school. EJ pretends to not notice that she's pretending to not see EJ pretending to not overtly stare at Ricky.

Besides, EJ has gotten pretty good at pretending.

--

Aaaannndd that's it for now. I hope you guys liked that! I really enjoyed exploring trans!ej and genderqueer!ricky through this au and it means a lot to me. Maybe next time I'll write something in ricky's pov but for now thanks for reading !!

[whistlewhileiblogit]

Thoughts on TLoU Part 2....Again

Yeah, I am back with another vent, rant, thoughts on...thing. I wanted to wait a long time after writing my initial reaction to the game, because I figured I’d get more clarity or something. Anyway, so here are my unedited and unfiltered thoughts...8 months later. So as always, this is going to be rambly, and I’ll probably just bold parts of note in case anyone wants to jump around. So here we go!

Oh and, SPOILERS AHEAD

Things I liked: These pretty much haven’t changed. The game is obviously beautiful, the gameplay itself I enjoyed immensely (when mentally separating it from the plot), the Joel and Ellie flashbacks. They were fantastic, and made me feel very reminiscent of the first game. Jesse and Dina were cool, but I found them underutilised, which is a massive shame because they were cool characters.

Yara and Lev were also great, and again, Yara was another completely wasted character potential. But love them nonetheless.

So yeah...that’s pretty much it, I think?

Now for the things I didn’t like...

The writing is the biggest sin in the game to me, as it creates so many structural issues. The pacing is wild and jarring, we aren’t given enough time to bond with certain characters before they are killed off, the narrative itself manages to be incredible simple yet complex simultaneously, but it is a total mess.

Let me explain. The end of the game essentially comes down to “revenge bad”, no matter how you look at it. Sure, you can also include other aspects like, “do good deeds”, but they seem sort of tacked on, considering what happens throughout the game. Ellie goes through the entire story with vengeance for Joel being basically the only thing on her mind (or at least, at the forefront of it), and then just...doesn’t go through with it at the end.

Honestly, the game felt by that point that she HAD to go through with it, after all, how would she learn her lesson? Yet she learns her lesson, without actually getting revenge? So what was the point? Some have said that she learnt in that final fight with Abby to forgive Joel, but this makes no sense. Ellie had already started to forgive Joel before his death. Obviously, she wasn’t over it yet, but she clearly wanted to make amends with her father figure. Besides, she’s fighting Abby, after all. And she certainly didn’t forgive her.

I think a lot of people took Ellie letting Abby go as forgiveness, but in reality, it was in complete grief. There was no point in killing her anymore.

But again, THIS MAKES NO SENSE. Given every. Single. Thing Ellie went through the game, all to find and kill Abby. Losing others she loved and cared for, her family, her fingers (and her ability to play guitar which was the only thing she had left connecting her to Joel)...all of that and she just let Abby go?

It would have made so much more sense had she gone through with killing Abby, only THEN to realise it didn’t make her feel better in the long run. That she was still conflicted in her feelings for Joel. Why bother having Ellie go through every point in the game, only to have her back out at the last second and STILL lose everything? What is that saying? If you do the “right” thing, you’ll still get shit anyway? Ugh.

So speaking of Abby...I thought hey, maybe after all this time, I’ll be able to grow to like her! Yeah, nope. She is just as unlikable as always. Abby is a deuteragonist that we are meant to grow to care for, like we do Ellie. But here’s the thing; Ellie has an ENTIRE GAME beforehand PLUS a freaking DLC game that gives us so much time to love her. So you would think that the writers must think, we’ll make Abby super likeable! NOPE.

Throughout the game, Abby is stoic (which isn’t a bad thing on its own), serious, and just flat-out boring. Sorry Naughty Dog, but I don’t find a character who collects coins as her biggest personality trait interesting. She isn’t funny, or kind or particularly clever. She has her strength, and that doesn’t count as a personality. She’s also a shitty friend, and person, and gets called out for that in the game by Dr Preggers (still don’t remember her name).

Even Abby’s flashbacks do little to make me like her. Oh wow, she has a magical, amazing, super perfect animal-helping papa? And? I just can’t latch onto her character and story. Even if she were really well written and interesting, I wonder if I could have after the game presents her as a total fucking barbaric monster in the first two hours of gameplay.

No, I’m still not over Joel’s death. And despite what some people try and say, it isn’t BECAUSE he died. I went into the game fully expecting Joel to die (I was lucky enough to see no spoilers prior to playing), because I felt like that would be the next step narratively that ND would go. This was a terrible decision on ND’s behalf, but I’ll get into that later.

Joel’s death as the way it plays out, does not only Joel a great disservice- but Abby as well. If ND wanted us all to like Abby so much, they easily could have just made her show some remorse, or conflict, or even just a quick, somewhat merciful death to Joel. But instead, we get ~torture porn~, which becomes the first scene of many of these in the game. This scene is so fucking brutal and sickening, I personally cannot watch it. I have seen it ONCE, and after that I have avoided having to watch it again. And I am not a person with a weak stomach.

Instead of having a death scene worthy of Joel’s character, like having him save Ellie somehow or going out in a blaze of glory, as many have suggested...we got an incredibly beloved character being treated as merely a plot device.

Imagine if the roles were reversed, and Ellie had been killed in Part 2, not Joel. I doubt those saying they’d be cool with it really would be. Especially in such a disgusting, horrific manner.

And one of my biggest grievances with the game- the retconning. I’ve had some people argue with me, that the game doesn’t retcon anything. Those people are fooling themselves or just being wilfully ignorant. Part 2 completely contradicts facts from Part 1. Including:

- Joel didn’t completely lie to Ellie. He half lied. If Joel finds all of the recorders in the hospital, it is revealed that the fireflies DID find dozens of immune people. And killed all of them trying to make a cure...and it didn’t work. This is literal in-game proof that the fireflies never would have succeeded in their quest, had Joel let them kill Ellie.

- Part 2 would have you believe that the fireflies were doing well with their groups and their research. Part 2 shows a beautiful, modern-day looking hospital. But the fact is, as shown in Part 1, the fireflies were on their last legs, and killing Ellie to try and find a cure was their last-ditch attempt to find meaning in their cause. It never was going to work. The hospital is shown to be filthy, and barely up to scratch by all standards. The fireflies were struggling, despite what part 2 tells us.

- The character design changes. We have all seen the comparison pictures of the doctor in part 1 vs part 2. They tried to make Jerry (?) look so wholesome and kind, begging for humanities sake. That isn’t how it went down, and he isn’t the same person. They just wanted Joel to look like a total villain.

I also want to mention what a disservice the marketing was to this game. I know Naughty Dog is very anti-spoiler, for obvious reasons, but they went above and beyond hiding spoilers that they straight up falsely advertised the game. And no, I will not forgive them for that.

The game completely undoes what made the first game special. It was a story about two people, struggling to survive, and somehow through it all, finding a familial love and trust within each other, and fighting to keep it, no matter what.

Ellie and Joel ARE The Last of Us, and Part 2 literally kills of half of what made the first game so incredibly special. As soon as Joel was killed, I wondered how the game would remedy those moments, and aside from the few Joel flashbacks, there really isn’t anything comparable to these scenes. Ellie is alone, so she doesn’t get to develop, or show her personality. And even when she is partnered up for short periods of time, she is too miserable (for good reason), to be the joking, lovable character we knew from the first game.

Final thoughts...

All in all, I would say my opinions have stayed pretty much the same for Part 2. I will forever love Part 1 (played it not long ago for the millionth time), and it is always going to be special to me.

But part 2, as it is, is nonredeemable to me. It really could have been something truly special, like part 1, but I guess that’s just what made The Last of Us so special.

[toloveawarlord]

Ch. 1

Pairing: Wren Blackwell x Jonah Clemence

Tagging: @plumpblueberry​ @starry-starry-night24​ @youreawizardharr​  (please let me know if you want to be tagged!)

A/N: Day 4 of the 12 Days of OCmas! Are Wren and Jonah as Star Crossed and Wren believes?

The tinkling of the bell above the door signaled their arrival. Too early for incoming influx of captains and merchants with documents to be reviewed and approved. Another two hours should have been free to work on overhauling the filing system that her boss had struggled to keep in order. She didn’t need to rush after hearing her son exclaim the visitor’s names.

“Uncle Fenrir! Uncle Ray!” The ten-year old’s voice echoed through the small building laced with surprise and joy. Abandoning his schoolwork for a chance to spend time with his two uncles. Amber eyes sparkled up at the two. Rarely did he get a visit from his family.

Fenrir beamed a grin at him, accepting the welcoming hug. “Reece, ya got taller!” He stopped by any time he came down to the ports, pitching in to help if Wren needed it.

Which meant today must be business. Never did Ray come by her work without warning. Placing down the files in their proper piles, Wren maneuvered through the chaos to emerge from the office. “Reece, you can go out for a break.” She didn’t want him to hear any military discussions, lest he want to join.

“Come on, I’ll buy ya a treat if it’s alright with your mom,” Fenrir offered to the eager boy, glancing to her for the okay.

It was like looking at two needy puppies. “That’s fine.” As Reece raced out the front door, Wren called to the ace with a serious tone. “No guns this time. I’ll kick your ass if you even think about it.”

She received a salute paired with wicked grin. “Yes, ma’am.”

“This time?” Ray questioned, emerald eyes moving from the vacant doorway to his sister.

“Reece is becoming increasingly interested in weapons ever since he was allowed to shoot Fenrir’s gun,” Wren replied with irritation. She’d agreed to teaching her son a little hand-to-hand combat for self-defense. At no point, had permission been given for him to wield a weapon.

Ray chuckled at her frown. “I count myself lucky that Fenrir came away in one piece.” His memories of a protective older sister when they were but children resurfaced with nostalgia. Though she came across as calm and collected, she possessed incredible fighting skill that could rival some of his chosen thirteen. 

The army would gain much if Wren agreed to join, but he knew that she would never, not with her son to protect.

The two moved into the messy office for privacy. Wren cleared a spot on the desk to sit while Ray claimed the only empty armchair. “What are you looking for?”

“Shipping manifests that could pass initial inspection but might be importing contraband.”

Wren cast a glance over the organized mess. “I’ll look into it. Though, it will undoubtedly take me a few hours. What is it that’s being smuggled in?” If she had a frame of reference, then it would make the search much easier.

“You know I’m not supposed to tell you that.” The investigation now a joint one. He’d have to explain to the Reds why he involved a civilian in a sensitive, top secret mission.

“If I know what I’m looking for, the box size and contents will be much simpler to find.”

Ray shifted to cross his legs, mulling over his options. Trust wasn’t the issue. He knew Wren would be discrete and quick. But involving her meant bringing up her name at the meeting with Red Army late tonight. Was it better to have some information than come up empty with those smug bastards? 

“Stop worrying. I want to help, so let me.”

He sighed. “Tainted magic crystals. They’re small enough to go undetected but a single one can cause massive damage. If the calculations are even slightly correct, the influx that has been reported could destroy half of Cradle. Wren, you don’t have to agree to this. I understand if you want me to walk away.”

A dire situation. Time sensitive.

Wren could see why he’d been hesitant to tell her. Part of her, the mother part, wanted to tell him no. Becoming involved opened her and Reece up to being targets. Her common sense wanted her to walk away.

But Ray would only come to her with something so dangerous if it weren’t his last option.

“I’ll do what I can.” 

The King of Spades relaxed at her agreement. “Thanks, sis. I’ll assign a soldier to keep watch here and at your home. Just as a precaution.” His gaze flickered to the large clock sitting on the wall. They’d made a detour here.

“Go on. I know how busy you are. I’ll come by with whatever I find,” Wren said with a wave of her hand. They hardly saw each other but on a few of his off days.

After the two officers left, Wren gathered all the shipping manifests that were within the last few months to pour over at home. She only took a break to cook a light meal and eat with her son before it was back to examining the documents. 

Night had settled in by the time she discovered anything significant. There were a handful of suspect items that had been flagged, but only one stood out. Regardless of her gut feeling, Wren took all of the evidence and would allow them to mark off the ones that were unneeded.

“Reece, I’m going to take some things to Ray. I’ll be back later-”

“I wanna come!” He cut her off, abandoning his schoolwork to scramble over the back of the couch. Amber eyes as big as a puppy, begging to for permission.

Wren reached out and brushed her hand through his red hair. Normally, it would be alright, but she wanted him nowhere near this case. “Not this time. I won’t be gone long. Stay here, okay?”

“Aww, but mom!” Reece protested with a frown.

“Please don’t fight me on this, Reece.” She pressed a kiss to his head as she gave him a tight hug. To admit it would be too hard, but there were more reasons than simply his safety from outside threats that she worried about.

                                                 << << <<

Soldiers at the gate had redirected her to Central Quarter. The two armies had convened, and she’d have to find Ray there. The neutral zone hadn’t changed much. Wren only came when she absolutely needed to. She’d chosen to live in the port town of Black Territory, far away from anyone in Red Territory.

The meeting had come to a close by the time she arrived. She’d been greeted by the 10 of Spades on his way out with a tip of his hat. Wren stayed in the foyer of the Civic Center, finding a nice pillar to hide behind. The Jacks exited next and following them the Queens.

Their boots were all that echoed throughout the large room. Their dislike for each other well known. As one came to a stop, so did the other. “Who’s there? The Civic Center is closed. You’re trespassing.”

Ten years.

It had been ten years since she’d heard that voice.

And it still caused her heart to throb painfully inside her chest.

His steps grew closer.

If she continued to hide, it would reflect poorly. Wren moved from her spot behind the pillar. With stiff movements, she passed Jonah without a word, instead moving to Sirius. “I brought what the King of Spades asked for. I was only waiting for him to come down.”

“He mentioned that. I’ll deliver them for you.” Sirius took the compiled documents and headed back for the stairs. He cast a worried glance back over his shoulder, but the woman was already heading for the door.

Don’t look back. Keep walking.

Her palm pressed against the door, but cool fingers wrapped around her other wrist. Wren tensed at his touch, wanting to pull away but found herself unable to.

“I’m owed an explanation.”

He was right.

“You drop out of school and disappear for ten years.”

Her reason one that he wouldn’t understand.

“Wren! Look at me!” A gentle, but firm command.

Emerald green met beautiful molten amber.

Wren swallowed down the lump in her throat. It hurt more than she’d imagined it would. Strong emotions that she’d bottled up and shoved deep into her heart, rattled in their cage, threatening to burst out. If they did, she feared she’d lose all control. “We were dumb kids, who didn’t understand that it would never work.”

Not even she believed the words that passed her lips.

“How could you possibly know that?” He wore so many emotions. Hurt. Confusion. Anger. She’d vanished. The day prior they were sneaking off during a break to be alone, and the next, gone. No explanation. No note. “I searched for you. I went into Black Territory against my families wishes-”

His family the catalyst of her disappearance.

But she couldn’t reveal that.

“Jonah, we’re different people now. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be, and if we’re being completely honest, the Queen of Hearts could never be with the King of Spades older sister. One thing or another always got in our way.” Whether it be his family or the Red Territory fan girls who hounded her for even speaking to him back in school. His duties joining the army would have broken them apart, and once Ray became the King, that would have done them in as well. “It’s for the best.”

He was still the Jonah she’d fallen in love with. His brows creased, not willing to accept that he couldn’t have everything that he wanted. “Did you think me not enough to protect you?”

It had little to do with protection. Wren tugged her hand free, shaking her head. “You would never go against your family.” She turned and shoved the door open to escape into the chilled night air. Pain blossomed across her chest. Her legs threatened to give out.

Return to Black Territory and try to forget.

As if it worked the last ten years.

“What is that supposed to mean?” He couldn’t simply give in. None of his questions had been answered. Jonah followed; his voice drenched in confusion. “This isn’t about my parents. You left me, Wren! Without so much as a word. I deserve to know why!”

She clenched her fists and whirled around to face him. “It’s always been about them, Jonah! Do you have any idea how many times your mother found a way to make my life miserable? She’s the one who had me pulled from your class, turned my teachers against me, and she tried to pay me off when--” Wren caught herself before she blurted out the one thing she refused to speak of. Emerald irises fell away from the shock on his features.

Their raised voices had drawn the attention of the Jacks loitering by the fountain and with them, someone who was meant to be at home.

“Pay you off for what?” Jonah couldn’t think of a single thing that would require an exchange of money.

“It doesn’t matter. I didn’t take the money, but I did leave. It’s over, Jonah. I think it’s better if we just pretend we’re strangers.”

“No. I refuse to leave things this way-”

A small hand slipped into hers. Reece wore a concerned expression. He’d never seen her so upset. “Mom?” He’d disregarded her wishes, following her all the way to Central Quarter, where he’d never been before.

Jonah glanced between the two. “Mom? You have a son?” It was dark but the moonlight illuminated the boy well enough.

Matching amber eyes met for the first time.

The missing piece walked right into the puzzle.

[malkumtend]

I Like Your Laugh. (A CrowSquirrel AU) - Chapter 12

Squirrelpaw hadn’t noticed anything off-putting when she woke up.

It had been the gentle steps of paws that had caused her ears to twitch originally. Groggily dragging her eyes from her paws, she noticed a large, grey shape slowly padding out of the mouth of the cave. A pale light filtered around the entrance, casting a splintered glow across the cave. Through her half-awake squint, Squirrelpaw could just about identify the shape as Stormfur.

He’s probably going to go hunting. Squirrelpaw thought, uncurling from her comfy position, or as comfortable a stone floor could be anyway. Better get up, it wouldn’t be fair to let him do it himself. No matter how early it is.

In fact, it would probably be better to get up soon. They’d need their energy if they wanted to get back to the forest to warn their clans. The looming threat of the prophecy Midnight had told the cats still lurked in Squirrelpaw’s mind. Every clan was in danger, it seemed, and Squirrelpaw knew she had to do everything she could to make sure the group got back before any damage could befall the ones they loved.

She couldn’t smell Midnight close by, so the badger must have already headed out as well. Just by the entrance she could see the hulking figures of Brambleclaw and Tawnypelt still fast asleep. Squirrelpaw smiled a little. The siblings had said some cutting things to the other yesterday, so it was nice to see a sign that they had patched things up. It was also nice to think that Brambleclaw had realised how he had been acting towards the others. Squirrelpaw still didn’t trust him completely but the fact that he had apologised to her was a good start.

She just hoped he stuck to his promise to be better. She really did want them to get along, but if Brambleclaw was going to go back to snarling and insulting her, she wasn’t going to just accept it. She could understand if he was stressed, they all were, especially now, but that didn’t mean she was going to let him treat her like that without a taste of his own medicine.

She stretched her paws out. If Stormfur was up, soon all the others would be too. Then they’d all be able to begin their journey back. She turned her neck around to smooth her ruffled pelt, and found herself freezing when she saw the sleeping face of Crowpaw right next to her.

Squirrelpaw felt a sudden joy when she saw him.

Then that joy transformed into a cresting horror.

Oh no. The Thunderclan apprentice’s pupils shrank as she realised that something else had drastically changed. She didn’t know whether to race away from the sleeping tom or to just watch him breathe gently until he woke up. Her heart began to thunder so hard that she felt her head ache.

The previous night whirled in her mind.

She’d been so tired that she couldn’t even remember coming back into the cave. The last thing she could even picture was her head against Crowpaw’s side as they’d looked out into the night. He must have helped me back inside. Squirrelpaw mused, feeling the trace of a smile cross onto her muzzle.

Her heart fluttered.

Her mind pricked her like a thorn to come back to her senses.

Oh… sweet… Starclan, it was true! Squirrelpaw’s head dipped down in defeat, her eyes wide as realisation gleamed like the burning sun.

I really do… ‘like’ him like that, don’t I?

That very thought meant that Squirrelpaw was going against something sacred.

But she was smart enough to admit it was true.

Squirrelpaw didn’t claim to be experienced when it came to feelings like love. Her only priorities had been on advancing as a warrior, she’d never had the time in Thunderclan to think about those kind of things. The only love she was well known to was the one shared between her mother and father. She’d heard all the stories about how Sandstorm had scoffed at the very thought of becoming friends with a kittypet; seeing her parents now, Squirrelpaw still had a hard time believing those stories.

Well, she’d probably be able to believe them a little easier now.

Not that her parents would be any happier.

Squirrelpaw felt an uneasy quiver travel down to her tail. Could she actually admit this so easily? This was against the Warrior code! She just had to look at what happened to Greystripe and his kits to see what a half-clan relationship could do. Not only did it dishonour your clan, it just brought heartache to everyone involved. It was only one clan or nothing. That much was simple.

But even as those thoughts went through her mind, the stuttering of her heart never sated as long as she was looking at the grey apprentice beside her.

Throughout the journey, it had been Crowpaw that had made Squirrelpaw believe in herself so much more. Her actions weren’t foolish to him, they were brave, and he made certain to let her know that. And when he did think she’d gone too far…

She could still feel herself in his paws, the touch of his fur against hers.

The admittance that she wanted more moments like that were proof enough.

Squirrelpaw let out a groan that sounded more like a squeak, hiding her eyes behind her fluffy tail. What do I do now? She had to try and move past it, surely. Her feelings for him weren’t the thing she needed to keep on her mind. Here she was, whining like a mouse-heart, when her home could be have been reduced to rubble just days ago!

What was the point of wallowing about something pointless like this? It wasn’t like Crowpaw felt the same way. Sure, they were friends but Crowpaw had never given any indication that he liked her beyond that.

He cried over you, didn’t he?

Her tail limply hung over her nose as her eyes stared ahead. That was true. Crowpaw was the most stoic, stone cold apprentice she had ever met, and he had actually spilled tears all because he was scared about her safety.

She felt awful for making him do that, yet she also felt a spark of hope.

He had been cold to everyone from the beginning. Yet he had defended her again and again, stuck by her for most days, and didn’t feel uncomfortable to share tongues and, in some cases, comfort with her.

Last night, he’d said he wanted to continue meeting with her.

Squirrelpaw ran her tongue over her suddenly dry lips. What if… he does feel like that? She couldn’t believe she was even considering this, but she was. If Crowpaw liked her too… did that mean he would still stand by her, even when they returned to the clans,

They were both stubborn enough to try, she thought.

Squirrelpaw knew she needed to strike herself to shut these incredibly dangerous thoughts up, but it didn’t stop a small grin from coming to her lips at the ideas.

Maybe it would be better if she told him straight away. At least then she’d get a clear answer before they returned to the clans, that would be safer for her at least. Then the worst thing that could happen was him rejecting her. And while… that thought didn’t make her too happy, at least she could focus back on the journey.

And if he did like her that way…

Regrettably, Squirrelpaw felt every strand of her fur tingle with glee.

As if struck by lightning, Squirrelpaw felt an energy pulse through her again, snatching away any tiredness she had felt. Yes, she would get it over with as soon as she could! She was going to be a Warrior after all, and Warrior’s didn’t run away from any battle. Not even themselves. As soon as Crowpaw was awake, she was going to get him away from the group, and just face him head on, whether he liked it or not!

Squirrelpaw smirked, that was definitely the best way to tackle this! Just get one problem out of the way so she could focus on the grander one! Of course it was the best of her, not many, options!

Outside of her vision, a yawn made her flinch. “Oh, morning Squirrelbrain.”

Squirrelpaw’s resolve scurried away like a mouse into a dark hole.

The Thunderclan apprentice twitched like she’d been caught in a bush of twisted thorns. Keep calm. She ushered herself through grit teeth.

“Why are you shaking? Is your fur still soaked?” Crowpaw joked, chuckling in a way that made Squirrelpaw tremble a little.

“N-No!” Squirrelpaw exclaimed, turning to face the cat with as straight a face as she could manage. All the Windclan cat had to do was blink sleepily at her, before she could feel her teeth chatter again, though thankfully not audibly. She hid away her jittering with a furrowed brow. “I’m just getting sick of waiting for you lazy lumps to wake up, that’s all!”

Crowpaw rolled his eyes, standing up to stretch his long limbs with a stifled grunt. “From what I saw, you’re the one who looked like she needed the most sleep.” He jibed, a blue pupil glinting at her through a playful slit.

It turned out Squirrelpaw was able to realise with amazing clarity how hard she was blushing, when she actually liked someone.

“Well, I got it!” Squirrelpaw meowed. She shook herself off quickly. She needed to act natural and fast! “How about you? Think you won’t fall asleep in the mud again?” She said, puffing her tail out in faux confidence.

“Too funny.” Crowpaw mewed coolly, sticking himself out straight. Squirrelpaw’s neck shrank a little into her shoulders as she looked up at him. Had he always been this much taller than her? Had he gone through a weird growth spurt overnight? “But yeah, I slept fine thanks.”

“Oh, good.” Squirrelpaw said, meaning her words a little too much.

“It is.” A gentle voice cut in. Both apprentice’s turned, smiling as Feathertail strode up to them with a glistening mood.

To Squirrelpaw’s credit, the only thing that gave her away was the slight widening of her eyes.

Feathertail.

She was the one of the major things Squirrelpaw hadn’t considered. The apprentice was certain that the Warrior held Crowpaw in high regard, and was almost certain she shared the same feelings for the apprentice that Squirrelpaw did. And why wouldn’t she; the two had become friends with each other before Squirrelpaw had found her way into their small group. In fact, the only reason she had even given Crowpaw the time of day at all was because Feathertail had encouraged her to give him a chance.

Oh, how right the Warrior had been.

“Have you two seen Stormfur?” The Riverclan cat asked.

“I think I heard him outside.” Crowpaw responded, grooming his short fur. “I think he’s talking to Midnight.”

Feathertail gave the apprentice a small smile, Squirrelpaw wondered if she’d seen something else inside of it. An uncomfortable irritation made her ears twitch. Silently she gnashed her jaws together.

“Well then,” Squirrelpaw cried, bursting up to her paws. “What are we waiting for? Let’s get going!” From the way her friends looked to each other, brows raised, she wasn’t acting as normal as she wanted to be.

She didn’t realise how loud she’d been until she heard the tired grumbling of her clanmate. “You know, there’s an easier way to wake cats up.” Brambleclaw drawled, uncurling his body to stretch.

Next to him, Tawnypelt rose, giving her brother a light swat with her tail. “Well, at least we’re awake.” Brambleclaw sniffed with a small laugh, groaning as he unfolded his tense limbs.

“Ugh, how does Midnight manage to sleep on that every night?”

Tawnypelt let out a mrrow of laughter. “What? Is it too tough for you?”

Brambleclaw scoffed. “Could be.” The two siblings shared a smirk, with Brambleclaw letting his sister give him a friendly lick on his cheek.

A gentle purr of delight hummed from Feathertail. “Thank Starclan those two are alright?” She mewed, “I was so worried about them after yesterday.”

Crowpaw nodded gently, his blue eyes misty with thought. Squirrelpaw craned her head, what had him and Brambleclaw actually talked about last night? Did the apprentice have more to do with Brambleclaw’s sudden apology than he’d let on? That would make more sense considering how insufferable Brambleclaw had been until then.

“I know that Brambleclaw’s been… difficult recently,” Feathertail continued, holding onto her politeness. “But you could see how hurt he was by what Tawnypelt had said.”

Squirrelpaw scoffed, “It’d be better if he’d seen how he made the rest of us feel before. Maybe then, Tawnypelt wouldn’t have had to tell him like that.” Just because Squirrelpaw was going to give him a chance, it didn’t mean she was going to be easy on him.

“I know,” Feathertail said slowly, “But they’re still siblings, even if they’re from different clans, they shouldn’t be like that.”

Crowpaw shrugged, “I wouldn’t lose sleep over it.” He said, with unnatural confidence. “I think they’ll be fine.”

Both mollie’s turned to him confused. Of all things, they hadn’t expected Crowpaw to sound so calm about the tom who beaten him just a day ago. “You think so?” Feathertail asked, her tail swaying thoughtfully. Squirrelpaw was just as surprised.

Crowpaw’s whiskers twitched up, “Yes. After that, I think he’s got in in his head how much of a mouse-brain he was.”

“Doesn’t mean he’ll stop.” Squirrelpaw muttered.

Crowpaw laughed out loud. Squirrelpaw felt her cheeks burn.  “I can agree with you there. If he starts again, that’ll just mean he’s more flea-brained than I thought.”

Feathertail sighed, “I guess we’ll see for ourselves. I don’t want to be unfair to him though.” She said mildly. She really was the most gentle hearted cats Squirrelpaw had ever met. Any cat who didn’t like her had to have rabbit dung instead of a heart.

The apprentice stopped short though when Crowpaw graciously pressed his nose against her pelt. “You, unfair? It’s more likely that my fur will turn white!.” His tone held the same genial tone that Crowpaw had always used with the Warrior. But it was Feathertail’s reaction that caught Squirrelpaw off guard.

The Riverclan molly’s fur flared around in flattered astonishment, before a warmth glowed across her face. She pressed her tail against his fur in thanks. Squirrelpaw recognised the glow in her eyes. It had first appeared when Crowpaw had saved Feathertail from the dog.

Squirrelpaw felt her throat tighten and her stomach quiver.

She sprang up to her paws, clawing away at her stupid thoughts and tightening her muzzle with a grin. “Okay okay! Enough chattering! Let’s get hunting!” She shouted. She seemed to be acting more naturally as Feathertail giggled while Crowpaw’s tail curled in amusement.

“There’s her focus, right there.”

Squirrelpaw stuck her tongue out at him, her bushy tail flaring as she pranced over to the cave entrance. She inwardly sighed in relief that they hadn’t noticed anything off about her, but there was still that stupid coil in her stomach, that mixture of frustration, regret and pathetic jealousy.

Fox-dung! I need to find a way to get over this!

Neither of her friends were idiots, if she kept on acting like that over every little thing, they would catch her out sooner or later. But wasn’t that what she wanted? To get it out as soon as possible. Eventually, she would need to.

Eventually.

But if Feathertail liked him as well? Squirrelpaw grimaced. Would Feathertail be hurt by her confession? She could just hope that Crowpaw would keep it a secret. But even then, Squirrelpaw would feel like she was betraying the cat she had grown to respect so much. Feathertail didn’t deserve to be hurt. She deserved to be happy. And if that happiness came from Crowpaw then…

Squirrelpaw clenched her teeth. She was overthinking this. So what if Feathertail had looked respectfully towards Crowpaw? Any cat would appreciate him if he was as kind to them as he was to her. Squirrelpaw was probably mistaken. There was no clarity that Feathertail held anything for the apprentice, she might even have someone at Riverclan that her heart belonged to.

Squirrelpaw had to keep her hopes up. If she lost sleep over this it could affect her during the journey.

Her clan was her duty, that was what she needed to lead her.

Despite her attraction to another clan cat.

Squirrelpaw groaned. The sooner they got on their way the better! Her stomach suddenly growled and her face heated up. Though she had been right before, they did need to get hunting.

She blinked away the glowing face of the sun as she found the entrance. “All right, where’s the prey around here? I’m starving!”

“Budge up and let the rest of us out.” Crowpaw said snidely from behind her. “Then we might be able to tell you!” He gave her rump a friendly nudge and she sprang forward, failing at ignoring the tingling where his head had touched her. Crowpaw pounced ahead of her, smirking playfully at her and Feathertail, as the Warrior bounced beside the two then up to her brother who sat by the pebbles talking to Midnight.

In the brightness of the sun, it was hard to tell if the gleaming in Feathertail’s eyes was down to the strong light, or something else entirely.

Squirrelpaw felt her appetite diminish a little. This was going to be harder than she thought.

…

The sun had risen higher into the sky, painting the horizon with a glittering blue. The travelling cats followed Midnight as they began their way back to the forest, all prepared to spring the moment they saw prey.

Squirrelpaw’s stomach continued to growl like a kittypet as she walked beside Stormfur albeit a little sulkily. She had suggested that the group hunt first before they made their journey back, but Brambleclaw had recommended that they hunt along the way. Annoyingly the rest of the group had agreed with the tom, even Crowpaw of all cats. That had stung more than it should have.

It was even more annoying that Squirrelpaw had to admit to herself that her clanmate was right. They didn’t have time to waste, even if they were hungry. Squirrelpaw didn’t have a problem with the fact that she was wrong, but it still seemed to her that Brambleclaw was trying to keep some kind of leadership over the rest of them. Even now, he kept at the head of the group, occasionally looking back at them like they were his responsibility.

However, the urgency in his eyes did look more like concern now, rather than control.

Squirrelpaw sighed. At least he was being helpful if he was going to be bossy.

It was slightly easier moving, now that they knew where they were going. The Prophecy had been told, and Squirrelpaw was part of it now. But the danger that awaited them was impossible to ignore and would remain with them every step of the way.

It would do no good to panic. It wouldn’t help any of them and wouldn’t stop what was coming. They just needed to carry on and pray to Starclan it wasn’t too late.

Like her companions, Squirrelpaw kept her focus on finding prey. They’d need to keep their strength for as long as they could, after all. The air was warm, but a gentle breeze still wavered the long moor grass. Hopefully, it would lead something towards them after a while.

Squirrelpaw’s tail curled as she remembered Crowpaw’s advice from yesterday. She pressed her nose to the swaying grass, trying to catch a scent in the air. She heard a confused mrrow come from Stormfur.

“What are you doing?” He asked softly.

She didn’t answer as she tried to find a smell. Nothing came. Sighing, she rose up again and gave Stormfur a shrug. “It’s a Windclan technique Crowpaw taught me. Looks like it didn’t work this time.” Maybe the wind wasn’t strong enough.

Stormfur’s eyes shifted away, his tail lashing in small irritation. “I see.” Squirrelpaw rose a brow at the annoyance in his eyes. What was his problem?

She was about to speak when she felt her whiskers sway a different way. Along came a mouth-watering scent. Before she could even react, Crowpaw had sprinted off into the direction of a nearby hill. Squirrelpaw could just about see the white tail of the rabbit.

“Wait! Where are you going?” Brambleclaw yelled. Whether Crowpaw heard him or not didn’t matter as his long grey tail disappeared under the green slope of the hill. The Thunderclan Warrior growled in exasperation. “Does he ever listen?”

Squirrelpaw frowned. He’s just trying to catch us some food.

“He won’t be long.” Feathertail mewed with a soothing chuckle. “You could hardly expect him to ignore a rabbit when it pops right under our noses.” Squirrelpaw may have smiled at the Warrior’s defence, but a jealous heat still rushed to her cheeks.

Brambleclaw didn’t snap, but his tail still whipped hotly around.

Squirrelpaw bit her lip, holding back an urge to hiss at her clanmate. He had promised he was going to try harder!

Maybe sensing the growing tension, Stormfur readied himself to follow Crowpaw. “I’ll fetch him back!” The light in the tom’s amber eyes faded as the group saw Crowpaw reappear over the hill. A rabbit almost as big as the apprentice hung from his mouth. Squirrelpaw wasn’t surprised that her friends were even more shocked than her.

Even for Crowpaw, that was fast.

Dragging the rabbit back, Crowpaw dropped it before the cats, his blue eyes coolly looking to Brambleclaw. “That didn’t take long, did it?” Crowpaw meowed, “I suppose we’re allowed to stop and eat it?” He cocked his head to the side, daring someone to object him.

Brambleclaw opened his mouth, frowning, then shut it again as he looked back at the rabbit. The smell was clearly making all of their stomachs groan. The brown Warrior sighed gently, “Of course.” Squirrelpaw’s eyes widened as she saw clear regret in her clanmate’s eyes. Brambleclaw took a breath, his large form relaxing. “Sorry Crowpaw, I’d forgotten how fast Windclan cats can be. This…” His voice became soft. “This moorland must feel like home to you.”

An small uneasiness crept into Crowpaw’s gaze, he quickly looked away with a sharp nod. “It’s fine. Now let’s eat.” Brambleclaw didn’t respond, but there was a grateful warmth around him. Something glowed inside Squirrelpaw at her clanmate’s small action.

It was a small apology, but it was an apology nonetheless.

Maybe, just maybe, the cat was changing for the better.

Maybe she’d get back her friend again.

As the cats began to eat, Brambleclaw turned and found Squirrelpaw looking at him. He swallowed hard, his back fur quivering a little as the apprentice looked blankly at him. They shared a look for a few seconds. He took in a cold breath and smiled softly at the cat, a heavy look in his eyes.

Squirrelpaw didn’t smile, but she nodded softly at him. She wasn’t entirely sure yet. But that little moment, it was certainly better than before.

She gulped down her share of the rabbit, sighing as her hunger settled. It wouldn’t be enough on its own, but it was a good start to the day. She inwardly grinned. Crowpaw was proving himself to the group, little by little. Her fur quivered with delight. Looking around, every cat looked happier thanks to the cat’s catch.

Except Stormfur.

The Riverclan tom held a strange apprehensiveness in his stare, his tail clearly twitching with agitation. Squirrelpaw slid her gaze to where he was looking and she too held her eyes on the sight. Feathertail ate beside Crowpaw, close enough to be touching pelts, but it wasn’t that that made Squirrelpaw unsettled. It was the radiance that glittered in Feathertail’s eyes.

Ah. So Stormfur saw it too. He had the same suspicions as her.

It would make sense. Stormfur had full experience of what a half-clan relationship meant. It was only natural that he was worried, if he saw that look that his sister gave to a different clan cat.

The voice in Squirrelpaw’s head that told her she was overreacting suddenly sounded much more desperate. Kind of like begging.

It was still possible that Feathertail’s admiration was for Crowpaw’s hunting abilities. Any cat would appreciate that.

Looking at him, Squirrelpaw admired things about Crowpaw as well.

The shine of his fur in the cool sun, as well as the confidence that stuck out in his form, pulsing in his eyes. They looked much more striking.

Squirrelpaw began to swallow more out of necessity than pleasure. It was harder to focus on her hunger now she realised how handsome Crowpaw was.

…

It was Sunhigh by the time the group had reached the forest. In a turn of luck, bad luck if Crowpaw’s expression was to say anything, Purdy had kept his promise and had stayed at the forest edge until they returned.

Squirrelpaw hadn’t been the biggest fan of the past kittypet, especially considering his questionable sense of directions, but she still respected that he had been of help to them in the Two-leg place. Plus, the fact he had been willing to spring at Midnight, when she could have easily killed him with one blow, it was respectful to say the least.

Luckily that hadn’t turned into any trouble. And now it was time to hunt for real, before they returned to their travels.

Brambleclaw had suggested they meet up at their old camp, before he and Tawnypelt had stalked away on their own. Squirrelpaw had turned to Crowpaw and Feathertail, assuming they would hunt together, and found Feathertail awkwardly glancing away from the hard gaze of Stormfur. Squirrrelpaw’s tail dropped, so he still didn’t trust the thought of them.

Not that the idea was any more pleasant to Squirrelpaw.

Feathertail flushed with obvious embarrassment. “W-Why don’t we all hunt together?” She mewed, her stare pleading towards her brother. “We’d all do better as a group.”

“Sounds good to me.” Crowpaw added, he looked over to Stormfur welcomingly.

Stormfur looked away, his neck fur prickling. “No.” Stormfur griped, turning with an annoyed swing of his tail. A clear pang of hurt welled in Feathertail’s eyes, her ears dropping back. “I’m fine on my own.” Stormfur either didn’t notice or didn’t care as he padded away into the bushes. Squirrelpaw could see his teeth on display in a grimace.

Squirrelpaw heard his rustling lessen before turning back to her friends. Feathertail’s tail was limp on the ground as she looked down at her paws, wounded. Squirrelpaw felt pity rush through her, it was awful to see Feathertail upset.

At least Crowpaw was there to comfort her.

He shook his head in annoyed confusion before he rubbed against Feathertail’s pelt cordially. “Don’t worry about him. Whatever has gotten burrs stuck in his fur, he’ll get over it. Don’t let it get to you.”

Feathertail still looked upset, but she pressed her tail against the apprentice in appreciation. There was also the flicker in her eyes again.

Squirrelpaw found herself looking away from the two as well.

“Squirrelpaw!” Crowpaw called, “Are you coming?” He was inviting her, he still wanted her there. But Squirrelpaw couldn’t find the energy like before. Not like this.

Fumbling, she kept her gaze away until she was looking at the bushed where Stormfur had disappeared. A quick spark erupted in her brain. “Actually, I might go catch up with Stormfur and hunt with him.”

Crowpaw rose a brow while Feathertail looked up with interest. “Oh.” Crowpaw made a puzzled mrrow. “Are you sure? He said he’d be fine alone.”

Squirrelpaw rolled her tail dismissively, “Of course, he’d say that. But it’s like Feathertail said, we’ll all do better in a group. I’ll go help him; you two will be fine together.” The last word was more straining to say.

“I would really appreciate that Squirrelpaw.” Feathertail mewed with a soft smile. “He would get on better if he had some cat to help him.”

Crowpaw’s tail curled, “Yeah, but are you sure he’d want Squirrelpaw there?”

The Thunderclan apprentice scowled, her fluffy chest puffing out in offence. “Why wouldn’t he? The forest is my kind of territory, you know?”

“I know that. It’s just…” Crowpaw gave Feathertail a stiff glance, his brow creased. Feathertail laughed with a wave of her tail.

“I’m sure he’d love her company.” Feathertail’s whiskers rose, a strange smirk rising on her face. Squirrelpaw cocked her head as Crowpaw nodded with an exasperated sniff.

“What’s going on?”

Crowpaw flicked his tail. “Never mind.”

Feathertail took a tentative step towards her. “Are you sure you don’t want to hunt with us? We can come with you if you like.”

Squirrelpaw shook her head, a little too forcefully. She took a leap away towards the bushes. “I’ll be fine! All the prey won’t be in one place, after all.” She crafted a playful smirk, “I’ll see you guys later. Make sure Crowpaw doesn’t trip over his paws, okay Feathertail!”

“I heard that!” Crowpaw yowled over Feathertail’s laughter as the ginger apprentice pranced away.

“You were supposed to, mouse-brain!” She sang back. Squirrelpaw jumped through the undergrowth, shaking off any leaves that got caught in her fur. Now she was out of sight, she let her artificial smile break.

Pathetic. She didn’t even have the heart to be around her own friends. Not when the question still dug into her like the teeth of a pack of dogs.

Starclan above! She was supposed to be a Warrior! The hero of the forest’s daughter!

And she couldn’t even look a cat in the eye without wanting to melt.

She was gifting the two time together, why? She wanted to believe that she was a good friend supporting the idea that Feathertail did like Crowpaw and giving the two some time to bond.

She knew that wasn’t the truth.

Because every time she did see a sign of that possibility, she felt a burning misery.

She just wanted to get away from that.

A flashing pain pounded on her head. Grumbling, she looked up, letting out a low moan when she saw the cause. “Stupid tree.” She needed to be on her guard. Even if she was looking for Stormfur, she still needed to hunt for herself.

It would do her some good.

Her senses shot around until a familiar musk hit her. And it wasn’t of any kind of prey. At least he didn’t go far.

Squirrelpaw followed the scent of Riverclan until she found Stormfur beside a small stream rushing along a crack in the forest. His ears were fixed downwards, and his head was turned towards the water. Along his back his fur was still spiked with distaste. Squirrelpaw stepped towards him. “Any fish?”

Stormfur sprang a little, turning to the apprentice with fur prickled in alarm. Squirrelpaw held back a laugh. Stormfur stiffened himself, whiskers swirling shamefully. “Oh, it’s you Squirrelpaw. Um, no, The water’s too shallow for fish.”

Squirrelpaw sighed. “Bad luck. Still, found anything yet.”

“Just a mouse. It’s buried over there.” His tail swung towards land where a grand elm tree stood tall. “So, not that I mind.” His voice quavered, “But what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be hunting with my sister and Crowpaw.”

Squirrelpaw shrugged, “Those two will do fine themselves. I thought I’d come and give you some help.”

Stormfur’s face brightened but he still kept still. “Oh, I, uh, I appreciate that. But I said I’d be fine alone.” He said. Squirrelpaw thought he was trying to look bigger than he was. This cat really could be weird.

“Well, I say, we’ll hunt better as a group. And even if you say no, I’m still going to follow you.” She said, lashing her tail to say that was the end of it.

“But-”

“But nothing.” Squirrelpaw meowed, she strolled up to him and gave him a nudge. She could smell squirrel and mice around. “Come on, we’ll go this way.”

Squirrelpaw paced ahead, but she still turned back to wait for Stormfur. The Warrior stood there, nonplussed, a moment longer before sighing with a smiling resignation. Squirrelpaw smiled back. She didn’t know why Stormfur needed to make such a big deal of it.

Then again, she probably couldn’t talk much.

They hunted together, ears pricked and ready. Squirrelpaw had been right, they had worked much better together. Stormfur had been able to find a pair of mice that the two had quickly silenced and buried under the pile. The tom had almost missed a squirrel as it scrambled up a tree, but Squirrelpaw had been able to jump up and catch it before it escaped. Stormfur had nodded with respect as she dispatched the prey. Squirrelpaw had thanked him with a playful bow.

It was good Stormfur was there though, he could carry much more than Squirrelpaw could. They still had time to catch some more, and the aroma of vole lingered in the air, making their mouths water. It hadn’t been long before Stormfur had found the creature and was carrying it back in his teeth.

Squirrelpaw felt impressed at the obvious experience of the Warrior, many Thunderclan cats had told her that Riverclan was a nest of lazy cats who’d rather sleep in the sun than hunt. That couldn’t be less true when she saw Stormfur. He never looked away or unfixed as he stalked the scent he had found, and he was certainly just as strong as any Warrior she knew. Sure the was a strange hesitation around him that Squirrelpaw couldn’t identify, but it wasn’t so distracting that it threw the cat off of his work.

It just hit Squirrelpaw then how impactful this journey really had been. Excluding the obvious, she knew that wouldn’t believe any stories about the other clans again, she didn’t see these cats as rivals but as friends that would forever change how she saw the Clans themselves. And she couldn’t have been more happy about it.

“There.” Stormfur exclaimed as he dropped the vole onto the pile. “That should be enough.”

Squirrelpaw let out a proud chirp as she began to uncover the prey. “See! I told you we’d work better as a team! Let’s get these back to the others, I’m so hungry I could eat a toad!”

Squirrelpaw heard Stormfur chuckle as she began to collect the prey, but it was short and weak. Flicking an ear, Squirrelpaw looked up, becoming concerned when she saw Stormfur looking down with a hazy expression.

Squirrelpaw laid the prey down again. “Hey, what’s the matter?”

Stormfur exhaled, a guilty aura looming over him. “I should have gone with you guys.”

“Huh?”

He let out a frustrated moan. “I’m supposed to be here to watch over Feathertail. I shouldn’t have just left her like that.” He raked his paw across the ground, scowling at thin air. “What if something’s happened to her?”

Squirrelpaw approached the cat, her eyes tender on him. It really was cute how close he was to Feathertail. “Nothing will have happened to her.” She mewed, rubbing her tail against his pelt. “Feathertail can fend for herself, besides she has Crowpaw with her.”

Squirrelpaw could immediately tell those had been the wrong words, as Stormfur glowered, bending over as his amber eyes blazed. “So, she does.”

The venom in his tone wasn’t strong, but it was obvious enough that Squirrelpaw found herself frowning. “What’s your problem with Crowpaw?” She demanded, her neck fur spiking. “I thought you and him were starting to get along!”

Stormfur actually looked cowed at her reaction as he visibly edged away. His tail trailed dust as it wavered from side to side. Closing his eyes, Stormfur let out a soft hiss of irritation. “Ugh! You’ve seen what they’re like, right?”

The strength in Squirrelpaw’s stance reeled. She just about managed to feign ignorance. “What?” She said, her voice shamefully high-pitched.

Stormfur turned, bent over as he steamed. “I know you’re not mouse-brained, Squirrelpaw. You’ve seen how they act around each other.” He padded over to where the stream chattered, staring down at his reflection.

Squirrelpaw wanted to speak up, but Stormfur was only echoing her own thoughts back to her. Actually, the fact another cat shared her assumptions made them look alarmingly accurate. Stormfur knew Feathertail better than anyone.

She must have looked off as Stormfur only glanced at her once before making a bitter chuff. “See, you have noticed!” He returned his eyes to the water, shoulders rising “What could she honestly see in that apprentice?!”

Despite herself, Squirrelpaw’s eyes darted up to the Warrior with a glare. Don’t talk about him like you actually know him! Luckily, she had regained enough control to not say her thoughts out loud, but what she did say was still cold. “Hmm, what could a cat see in an apprentice?”

Stormfur flinched, looking back at her with guilt in his eyes. “Sorry Squirrelpaw. I didn’t mean it like that.” He murmured, his flossy tail trailing on the ground.

The ginger molly softened. She knew that Stormfur wasn’t trying to be hurtful, he wasn’t that kind of cat. “It’s alright.” Squirrelpaw mewed, her own voice growing gentle. “I’m sorry too. I know you’re just worried about Feathertail.”

Stormfur smiled graciously, but he returned his downcast head to his reflection. Squirrelpaw’s ears went back in pity. She went over to the stream, sitting beside the grey tom. He looked down with a misty expression. “I just can’t see how it couldn’t bother them. They’re in different clans!”

Squirrelpaw’s smile tightened. “They might just be friends, Stormfur.”

Stormfur turned to her unhappily. “I want that to be true, Squirrelpaw. But Feathertail… I’ve never seen her act like how she does around him.” Squirrelpaw pressed her teeth together as Stormfur went on. “What happens if they do like each other that way? They can’t just expect the clans will accept it! They could end up exiled, or worse!”

I know.

Squirrelpaw exhaled, gazing off into the distance. “Have you tried asking Feathertail how she feels about him?”

Stormfur scoffed, “Have you?”

The apprentice looked up at him icily. “It never bothered me before.” She lied. “Crowpaw told me you were okay with him and Feathertail being friends.”

Stormfur looked aside, exhaling deeply. “I am. I’m not against Crowpaw as a cat.” Squirrelpaw felt a small relief at that, even though she could sense there was a ‘but’. “I do trust him. I just… I just don’t want Feathertail to get herself hurt.”

“Crowpaw would rather hurt himself before hurting Feathertail!” Squirrelpaw exclaimed, her tail flaring up again.

“I know!” Stormfur insisted. “But it still doesn’t change that they will get themselves hurt if I’m right.” The grey tom struck a paw at his reflection, hissing as his saw his murky face ripple across the water. Squirrelpaw still frowned, but she couldn’t argue. Stormfur wasn’t wrong. And in the end, he was just desperately worried about his dear sister. She couldn’t hold that against him.

Besides, it wasn’t like he knew his words were affecting her as well.

What was she going to do when this was all over? Regardless of whether Feathertail did like Crowpaw or not, it didn’t change how there were barriers that blocked Squirrelpaw from him as well.

Firestar was protective enough of her when she had hung around Bramblestar.

She dreaded to think what he would do if he found out who she was really attracted to.

Squirrelpaw found her own reflection in the stream. Wavering around without direction on the surface of a hollow space. She blinked when she saw the dolour fogging her eyes, closing and opening until she felt she could see her face a little more clearly.

For a brief moment, Squirrelpaw felt like she could see what she’d been before the journey had started.

But that was kittish. It was never going to be like that again.

“I don’t know, Stormfur.” Squirrelpaw said with a swift tiredness. She hated how small she sounded. “I just want to get back home.”

She wanted all these questions in her heart to be answered, whether she liked the answers or not.

Thankfully, Stormfur seemed to accept that answer, he curled his tail around Squirrelpaw’s back. “I know. I do too.” He stated placidly. The two sat in silence, looking down towards the water. Squirrelpaw felt Stormfur twitch a little. “There’s a much bigger river than this at home…obviously,” He added in with a small laugh, “It’s full of fish at every mark. Me and Feathertail learnt how to swim in it together.” Stormfur smiled at his recollections, the peaceful imagery washing over Squirrelpaw with a sympathetic rush. Stormfur’s muzzle thinned, his voice growing faint. “I wonder if it’s still there.”

Squirrelpaw returned his touch, rubbing against him soothingly. “It’s going to be fine.” She grinned up at him with a flicker in her green eyes. “Because even if it isn’t, there’s a much bigger river out there somewhere! And you and Feathertail are going to lead your clan to it!”

Stormfur laughed, “Isn’t that the dream.” He meowed. He looked down at the apprentice, something glimmering in his stare for a moment before he turned away with a sigh. “I just hope Feathertail will be happy when it happens.”

Would Feathertail be happy if she had to leave the cat she cared about?

Squirrelpaw knew how she’d feel.

“Don’t worry about that.” The Thunderclan cat declared, getting up to return to the buried prey. “You ought to ask her. Now come on, I’m starting to digest myself, I’m so hungry!”

The Riverclan tom looked on for a moment before rising up as well, clear wonder in his expression. “Do you actually think she’d tell me?”

Squirrelpaw picked up whatever she could carry. “You’re her brother, aren’t you?” She said, her voice muffled by her full mouth. She wandered away to the direction of the camping sight, slowing down so Stormfur could catch up, but not looking back at him.

She didn’t want to think about those questions anymore.

It was far too exhausting. And it was painful to know they weren’t going away anytime soon.

…

The journey had changed with the rising of the sun.

Midnight had informed them that there was a quicker way to reach home than the Twolegplace, which had suited the group fine until they realised where she was pointing them towards.

Into the direction of the sun. It hung above the sharp tops of the mountain range.

It had been a close vote among the cats, but there was a common feeling of how dire their time was running out that led them towards the latter option. It was unknown territory, but they figured it couldn’t be anymore harder than what they had all faced already. So, the cats had said their goodbyes to Midnight and Purdy, before setting off towards the stones that splintered the clouds.

It hadn’t been too hard at the start, the rock was smooth and not too slippery, and to his credit, Brambleclaw seemed to lead them to paths that weren’t too steep to climb at all.

But as they’d grown higher up, the paths had thinned, and the air had grown colder. Soon they were balancing themselves on thin ridges jutted out from the body of the mountain. Every cat had had to rely on another to balance them at some point. At the very least, the trust the cats now shared was more obvious than ever.

It didn’t mean that any of them were any calmer though.

Squirrelpaw felt her heart in her ears as she carefully held herself on the ridge before her. The others ahead looked just as nervous, even Brambleclaw who’s heavy breathing could be heard from the back of the line. No cat judged him for it. A breeze had met the cats as they walked along, and every cold wisp that made Squirrelpaw’s whiskers twitch made the freezing fear in her belly even stronger.

“You’re doing fine.” Stormfur said, he traversed behind her at the back of the group, just in case any predator tried to sneak up on the group from behind.

Squirrelpaw meant to mutter a thank you, but it was warbled by tense worry. She was trying her hardest to keep her eyes ahead, but the corner of her eye was amazingly vivid, capturing the view that showcased a river, as thin as a whisker from their height, that awaited any cat that was unfortunate enough to drop.

Bad thoughts! Bad thoughts! Squirrelpaw grinded her teeth and pressed on. Just keep moving forward.

In front of her, Tawnypelt shifted on with equal strength. “How much further, Brambleclaw?” She called. Her brother had reached a turn at the mountain-face and not even a second later there was a sudden shout of frustration.

“No!”

Squirrelpaw flinched, leaning to the mountain, so she didn’t lose her balance. The other cats looked equally disturbed. “What is it?” Stormfur shouted.

No cat responded until every cat had made their way around the turn. For a moment, Squirrelpaw felt her worries loosen as she found the others at a wider slab of stone that let the cats all rest together. However, her mouth dropped in horror as she saw the edge ahead of them.

There was a gap between the ridge they currently inhabited and the next solid ground. It wasn’t too far, but the expanse of twisted trees and rough stone that lay at the bottom made it look so much bigger.

“Sh-Should we go back?” Stormfur suggested. Squirrelpaw’s belly twisted at the thought of braving that ridge again, but the drop ahead didn’t look any better.

Brambleclaw’s face twisted into a squint, “Look over there!”

The cats did, and sure enough they saw what he was looking at. On the other side of the drop, the stone was undeniably smoother and wider, more than enough to hold the cats without difficulty.

“There’s bushes growing over there as well!” Feathertail exclaimed. “There might be prey!”

Crowpaw took a step near the edge and sniffed. His eyes brightened. “I can smell rabbits over there!”

“Should we risk it though?” Stormfur mumbled, his eyes wide on the drop below. “It’s a good leap.”

“Its’s not like back there’s any easier.” Brambleclaw started forward, driven by his instincts. Then he paused, his ears dropping back as his tail rested on the stone floor. He looked to the other side, clearly longing to waste no time, but he sighed and retreated on his haunches, looking to the others. “But if you all feel safer going that way, we can.”

Squirrelpaw could tell each cat was trying to hide how surprised they were by her clanmate’s attitude. It wasn’t long ago that he had practically forced them to follow whatever he said was best. But each cat was clearly pleased by what he said. Squirrelpaw could have thought she was ill by the admiration she felt for the Warrior.

Maybe he can make a good leader. When he’s not being a mouse-brain.

Luckily for Brambleclaw, a vote on the matter wasn’t needed. As Crowpaw was clearly preparing himself to spring. “We can’t just stand here as if we’ll grow wings!” He meowed. Before any cat could stop him, he sprang from the ledge. Squirrelpaw’s throat clenched as she saw him in the air, overwhelmed by the thought of him falling. His name was in her throat as he landed, his paws gracefully meeting the stone.

He let out a satisfied puff of air, glancing back to the others with a grin. “Come on, it’s easy!”

Squirrelpaw felt her insides settle, but her eyes went red with anger. He shouldn’t have just jumped off like that without warning! Despite how brave he was, his action could have easily gone wrong! She couldn’t even blame Brambleclaw for how furious he looked at the apprentice’s sudden decision.

Squirrelpaw sighed. Oh, what good will it do to moan about it? They had to follow Crowpaw’s lead now, or else they’d have to just leave him there, he would never be able to jump back to the narrow rock.

Squirrelpaw shook her head. When I get over there, I’m raking his muzzle!

“I’ll go next.” Feathertail offered. Squirrelpaw wondered if it was because the Warrior could sense the other’s annoyance with Crowpaw. She felt annoyance bristle her fur again, trying to block out Stormfur’s words. Feathertail waited a moment before leaping over; Crowpaw readied himself at the other end to steady her if she stumbled. Fortunately, the Riverclan molly landed with a steady thud, and she grinned to Crowpaw with a wave of her tail.

Squirrelpaw felt her paws growing hot.

“All right. Who’s next?” Brambleclaw asked.

“I’ll go!” Squirrelpaw said immediately, walking up to the ledge with her tail flared irritably.

Brambleclaw stiffened, “You don’t have to-”

“I will!” Squirrelpaw hissed, twisting to her clanmate with green fire. She saw Brambleclaw back off, his lips tight. The ginger molly felt her anger evaporate, replaced by a sudden guilt. Brambleclaw hadn’t been the one to annoy her, she couldn’t go at him for nothing. “Sorry.” She mumbled, “But, I’ll be fine. Okay?”

Brambleclaw nodded graciously, a small peace in his eyes.

“See you over there.” Squirrelpaw mewed. She placed her forepaws on the ledge and put pressure into her back legs. She couldn’t mess this up. She steadied her gaze on the other ledge where her friends stood and clenched down the fear in her gut. Pushing herself on her back legs, she leapt into the air, not looking down as she felt the wind traveling in her face.

Her front paws met the stone first but Squirrelpaw felt terror wrack her as she realised her back paws wouldn’t meet the stone. I’m going to fall!

As her stomach hit the crooked edge with a grunt, she could have squealed in terror. She felt her heart in her mouth as her back legs began to fall down, but a strong set of jaws held her scruff, steadying her on the stone as her legs swung in the open air. She scrambled forward, pulled up by the force on her scruff until her belly was resting safely on the stone.

Squirrelpaw was breathing so heavily that she almost did not hear the yowl. “Are you okay?”

Pulling her panting face from the stone, she quivered as she saw Crowpaw standing above her. His blue eyes were wide with concern that made her breathing slow. “I-I’m fine!”

“You did great!” Brambleclaw called from the other side, his voice higher than normal. Squirrelpaw looked back and saw him exhaling with obvious relief. She waved her tail at him thankfully.

Squirrelpaw felt a tender nudge at her side and saw Feathertail ushering her to get up. “You did really well.” The Warrior mewed. Squirrelpaw knew she was just being kind. How could she have let herself stumble like that?

“I would have fallen for sure if you hadn’t caught me.” She looked up again at Crowpaw, the warmth inside her swelling uncontrollably. She could actually feel her eyes drifting as Crowpaw smiled down at her.

“Hey, you still made it, didn’t you?” He simpered, “Just because Squirrel’s in your name, it doesn’t mean you can leap like one.”

Squirrelpaw might have raked his eyes for that earlier, now she just batted his face away with her paw. “Don’t ruin this, rabbit-brain.” She said, getting up to her paws and shaking the loose bits of rock out of her fur. She noticed how close she was to Crowpaw and blushed.

Her breath stopped again as a thought entered her mind. She glanced over to Feathertail, and found the cat preparing herself at the edge in case another cat stumbled. She didn’t seem to mind at all when Crowpaw was with Squirrelpaw. At least, not as obviously affected Squirrelpaw felt when Feathertail was near him.

Did that mean Feathertail wasn’t interested in Crowpaw? Or was she just stronger when it came to hiding her feelings?

Possibly she was just a stronger cat than Squirrelpaw.

Nothing made Squirrelpaw feel any better about it. Nothing was clarified or denied.

Like the drop that could have claimed her, it was just a gaping unknown.

…

Finally, things were beginning to look better. After the cats had all made it to the other side, they’d decided it was the perfect time to hunt. On the other side of the ledge, the stone had linked with a wide valley growing on the mountain side between two rifts. There was even a small trickling stream where the cats had been able to gain a well-deserved drink.

The cats all rested on a small slope where bushes and a few trees stood out gloriously. It was so much more satisfying to relax after how tricky that ridge had been.

Squirrelpaw had come to a familiar decision.

After Crowpaw and Feathertail had volunteered to go hunting again, the ginger molly was beginning to grow tired of her lack of answers. It was clear that she wasn’t going to find out if Feathertail liked the tom or not, so she was going to take care of another issue in the meantime.

She was going to tell Crowpaw how she felt.

She’d had enough of wasting her time with her guts in knots. Once he got back, she was going to get some kind of answer from him, and then maybe she wouldn’t have to spend her time getting so darn frustrated anymore.

The two cats had returned with mouths full of prey. As the cats ate up their shares, Squirrelpaw made sure she was next to Crowpaw. She nudged him with her tail, making him look up curiously.

“What is it?”

“Once you’re done, can you meet me over there?” She pointed her tail in the direction of a pair of thick bushes. “I need to talk to you about something.”

Crowpaw raised a brow, “Can we talk about it here?”

Not a chance!

“No!” Squirrelpaw meowed in a hushed voice. “Just meet me over there, all right?”

Crowpaw swung his tail in exasperation, but he didn’t argue. “Okay, sure.”

Squirrelpaw beamed. “Thank you!”

It didn’t take long for Squirrelpaw to finish her share after that, she gulped the prey down and padded away from the cats. She gave Crowpaw a wink as she made her way to the bushes. He rolled his eyes and continued eating, but he was evidently amused.

Squirrelpaw found the back of the bush and let out a deep breath. It was suddenly hitting her what she was just about to do. She stamped her paw on the ground with a growl. Come on! Don’t be a mouse-heart! This is exactly why you’ve been so pathetic all day! Just tell him how you feel and be done with it, for the love of Silverpelt!

What was she even meant to say? Should she just blurt it out when he came around the bush? How would he even react? She still didn’t know definitively if he liked her or not.

Well then, you’re about to find out.

Good Starclan, the little voice didn’t care about any kind of consequences at all.

But it was really persuasive.

There was no point in fighting it anymore. It wasn’t just that it was affecting how she saw Crowpaw, it was tainting her perception of Feathertail. That made Squirrelpaw feel awful. She remembered how annoyed she’d gotten seeing the two of them on the peak. And then Feathertail had made her look like a fool when she nuzzled Squirrelpaw’s side, beyond worried about her.

No cat deserved this. Squirrelpaw just wanted everything between them to be normal again. But it was her own fault she felt like this, and she needed to take some action herself. She couldn’t just wait around for Feathertail or Crowpaw to say something.

“What did you need, Stormfur?”

Squirrelpaw’s full stomach almost came out of her mouth when she heard the Riverclan molly’s voice. Perking her ears up, she craned her head around the bush. Stormfur and Feathertail had wandered away from the group, sitting together by the small stream that ran down the mountain side. Feathertail’s faced away from Squirrelpaw, but the apprentice could see discomfort darknening Stormfur’s expression.

The grey cat let out a low hiss of breath. “Listen Feathertail, you and Crowpaw-”

Squirrelpaw’s eyes widened, he was actually going to ask her about it?! She kept herself hidden, but her ears were alert like she was hunting on a monster-path.

So it was easy to hear the sharpness in Feathertail’s reply. “What about Crowpaw?” Feathertail’s fur bristled as she growled. “You are all so unfair to him!”

Her voice was hard and defensive, hidden like an adder in the grass. Squirrelpaw felt her jaw drop at the Warrior’s anger.

Would she get so angry over a friend?

Y-You’d do the same! It doesn’t mean anything!

“That’s not the point!” Stormfur spoke like he was treading on the ridge again. “What’s going to happen when we get home? Crowpaw’s in a different clan.”

See, this is it. She’ll become confused and deny everything he thinks and then you can shut up and get on with everything.

“We don’t even know if there will be clans anymore.” Feathertail protested. Squirrelpaw quivered and her breathing became cold. “We’ll be leaving the forest remember!”

Squirrelpaw’s ears dropped down but she still listened carefully. W-Why isn’t she denying anything?

“Do you think the clan boundaries will just vanish because we have to leave?” Stormfur scoffed.

“Have you forgotten already what Midnight said?!” Feathertail snapped. Her tone was cold and unflinching. Unafraid. “The Clans won’t survive if we don’t work together!”

She just has to say no. Squirrelpaw’s tail began to sink to the ground. She blinked desperately. She could just be talking about friendships! That’s still a boundary in itself! It doesn’t mean she-

“And have you forgotten what happens when cats from different clans get together?” Stormfur’s voice pounded in Squirrelpaw’s ears, growing louder as if by some cruel echo. “Look at how our father is torn between two clans! You and I nearly died because we were half-clan! Tigerstar would have killed us if Thunderclan hadn’t rescued us!”

This was it. This was to the point. Feathertail had to face Stormfur’s worries now. She just had to tell him it was a mis-

“But Tigerstar’s gone now. There won’t be another cat in the forest.”

Around her, Squirrelpaw suddenly felt like she was falling. Her ear was crooked and twitching as she listened on. The sibling’s voices grew hazy, like they were at the back of a cave.

“Midnight said all the clans will have somewhere else to live.” Feathertail meowed with a passionate defiance. “Everything will be different.”

The little voice didn’t make a sound over Squirrelpaw’s small whimper.

Stormfur moaned lightly, “But you and Crowpaw…”

“I’m not going to talk about me and Crowpaw!” Feathertail sighed, her voice lowering. “I’m sorry, Stormfur, but this has nothing to do with you.”

Squirrelpaw didn’t listen to Stormfur’s reply, she sat down on her haunches, hidden in the shadows of the bush. She stared down at the ground, Feathertail’s words spiralling around her head.

This has nothing to do with you.

Feathertail’s voice sounded more like Squirrelpaw’s then.

Squirrelpaw looked up, her throat full of a horrible dryness that made her gulp down something raw. She’d gotten an answer to one of her questions. It wasn’t as satisfying as she’d hoped.

She likes him. She admitted it to her own brother. Squirrelpaw might have admired Feathertail if she wasn’t sick with a stupid indiscretion.

She sat there, breathing in chilling, uncomfortable air as she thought about what happened next?

What did happen next?

She liked the same cat as one of her good friends. That was inescapable. And it made Squirrelpaw feel guilty.

Like she was betraying Feathertail by feeling like this.

Betraying one of the cats who had treated her with the most kindness…

Did that mean that Squirrelpaw was intruding on them? While there wasn’t anything to say that Crowpaw liked Feathertail back, the thought of possibly taking the one Feathertail loved away from her was appalling.

Taking away something that made Feathertail happy? The one cat who deserved to be happy more than anyone she knew.

Sure, it wasn’t certain that it could work out, even if Squirrelpaw kept her mouth shut. Like Stormfur had said, it was naïve to assume that generations of the Warrior Code would go away just because there was a new forest.

But, like Feathertail said, if the rules did change… If they could become happy together… Then it would be more likely to become reality if Squirrelpaw didn’t speak up.

But what did Squirrelpaw want?

What she wanted most; she knew. But she also knew that she wanted the best for Feathertail as well. And now she knew that she liked Crowpaw, it was clear what she needed to do to make her happy.

She also knew how much it would hurt her.

Squirrelpaw’s ears twitched as she heard approaching paws. She straightened herself quickly, sniffing back anything that was about to pour out of her and leave her open. She looked at the bush as soon as Crowpaw edged past it.

The grey apprentice held a curious expression, his tail curled as he sat in front of the Thunderclan cat. “So, what did you want to tell me?” He asked, cleaning blood from one of his paws.

He kept his eyes on his friend as she looked down for a moment. He couldn’t see the battle taking place, and he wasn’t able to tell that her anger was a mockery of her own design. He winced as she batted his face with unsheathed claws, catching him across the ear.

“Hey!” Crowpaw snarled, his tail lashing in a fury. “What was that for?”

“You being a flea-brain, that’s what?” Squirrelpaw hissed, squaring him up. “What were you thinking, jumping acrossthe ridge like that without letting us have a say in the matter?”

“Is that what this was about?” Crowpaw bleated, patting over his sore ear. “I thought it was something important.”

“It is important!” Squirrelpaw seethed, making Crowpaw step back with a frown. “You told me I shouldn’t put myself in danger, and you do something like that!”

Crowpaw groaned, “It wasn’t like it was a far jump!”

“I would have fallen if it wasn’t for you! But what if you hadn’t made it! No one would have been there to catch you!” Squirrelpaw turned away from him, whipping his muzzle with her tail.

Crowpaw began to mutter, “I still made it, didn’t-” He droned off, his confidence fading as he realised what he was saying. Squirrelpaw realised it to, who he was mirroring, and she turned back to him with narrowed eyes.

“I was scared, you mouse-brain! We can’t afford to lose anyone.” Squirrelpaw’s tone calmed down marginally, but there was still something twisted in her eyes. “You have to lead Windclan to a new home, remember?”

Crowpaw kept him muzzle shut, but he nodded slowly. He sensed now why Squirrelpaw was really angry with his actions earlier, and he couldn’t blame her. He’d gone through the same thing after all. When she was under that water, he’d never felt so scared of losing anyone. It would be cruel of him to put her through the same thing.

Sighing, he dipped his head in apology. “I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

“I know.” Squirrelpaw muttered, her anger gone. “But that’s just because you’re a mole-head.” Hesitantly, she rubbed against his side, exhaling as she soaked in his soft fur.

Crowpaw didn’t object to her tenderness. Clearly, he had worried her. “Won’t happen again.” He mewed.

“It better not.” Squirrelpaw said sternly, swiping his nose again with her tail. Crowpaw sneezed; how could anything be so fuzzy? “It wasn’t just me you worried…Feathertail was scared too.” She examined him as he sighed again, guilt becoming clearer in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Crowpaw offered, looking up sanguinely at the apprentice. When her eyes softened, he craned his head back up. “But maybe you know how it was for us when you jumped into the river.” He leered.

Squirrelpaw let out a mrrow of laughter, “Shut up, at least I didn’t start crying.” He knew she didn’t mean it, so he laughed along. But even as they walked back to the others, he didn’t know why she’d mentioned Feathertail out of nowhere. He didn’t know that Squirrelpaw had made herself a promise to support her friends as much as she could.

And he didn’t know how much it stung her to do that.

...

Special thanks to @lonely-ghost-606 and @nyanan-1233 for their editing and advice at the beginning of this chapter. Love you guys! Enjoy!

[covairecity-promo]

~ WANTED CHARACTER! ~

❝ I’ve dug my grave, made my choices. ❞

Name: Alden Fields

Species: Werewolf

Age: 120

Sexuality: Pansexual

Prisoner 

Face Claim:  Milo Ventimiglia

✑ BACKGROUND: Some men go to war to defend their country, to bring a sense of pride to their family and honor to themselves. Alden went to war to escape his life. The broken home in Iowa - he was born in in 1898 - was difficult enough to look at, let alone live in with two brothers, one younger sister, an abusive father and a mother deteriorating like the peeling wallpaper. When he was 18, old enough to enlist, he left the slanted structure with nothing but a few things on his back and the promise he’d return to save his fellow siblings. Living in his home had felt like hell and surely the war couldn’t be any worse than what he had already endured. Safe to say, he was wrong.

He quickly found himself shipped overseas and landing in the deepest trenches. The bloodshed and disease that spread throughout the muck was more than most men could handle. It was only natural that Alden adapted to his environment and numbed most of his feelings and emotions to get through the day, if he wasn’t shot and killed that is. Two years into his term something changed, something happened to the man that was more natural for his blood than the ways he had adapted to the life into which he’d thrown himself: he changed from a human into a wolf.

Keep reading for full biography & visit our group!

Alden had never known he was a werewolf. His relationship with his father and mother wasn’t commendable and they certainly didn’t talk about their dark little secrets. He didn’t know his father’s abusive actions were the result of rage from the primal characteristics that surged beneath his skin, that his sexual rampages were a cause of the moon’s influence, and how he always seemed gone the day of the full moon. Alden discovered all these truths the hard way when his skin ripped apart and his human form was shed for that of a wolf. His werewolf gene had been triggered late and all his comrades around him had paid for it.

A fleet found him three days later in a trench soaked with blood and littered with bodies, and thought his squad had been ambushed. But Alden couldn’t let his enemies take the fall for what he had done. He confessed that he was the one at blame, frantic and terrified by his own actions. His fellow soldiers condemned his confession as war trauma babbling, and so he was carried off to be examined by numerous doctors till the next full moon when all doubts were erased. While Alden wanted them to cure him of this alarming disease, the army had different intentions: they had before them a super-soldier, a man who could take a bullet, be ripped and torn by sharp wire and resurface alive. A creature that could devour fleets; they used him as a weapon, even going as far as making him bite other soldiers to amass an indestructible army.

Alden hated it, being treated like an animal and set loose on others like a wild dog. Towards the end of the war he made a run for it, condemned for fleeing his post and hunted by the government. It was only years later that he was found, captured by the Germans who found identification on him and revealed him to be a U.S. soldier. Not long after, they discovered something wasn’t right when he was forced to stand among other soldiers and a fire squad. He was the only one left standing.

Bleeding and barely conscious, holding but a heartbeat, he was taken to the nearest concentration camp and offered up to the sadistic scientist held there to assess the indestructible creature they’d happened to find. It was there in Auschwitz that Alden met the infamous Josef Mengele who was very interested in the wolf’s heredity and genetics. The doctor’s order was to utilize whatever Alden had, and find a way to weaponize it or him for military purposes. But first, Alden suffered a great many tortures if not for the sake of sating the man’s curiosity, than to test his endurance.

The “treatments” on Alden ultimately physically severed his conscious connection with his werewolf side. Meaning simply—when he shifts under the full moon, he has absolutely no control over his actions and no thought process. He is merely a wild wolf till morning.

It wasn’t till the war had nearly ended that Alden was released. Or rather, stolen. He thought he had been rescued by a human SS officer that worked around the labs Mengele’s patients were contained in. It was only later the man’s true intentions were revealed. He was a hunter, but not the hunters wolves typically encountered, no, this man was a collector. He hunted breeds to add to his own personal display. To him, Alden was a toy soldier, beautifully broken and a delight to behold. Held in the remnants of an old warehouse were cages, holding thought to be mystical creatures, anomalies and the abnormal. Most were just freaks of nature, creatures born with different genetic structures that added a head here or tail there. Alden became something of a pet to this human, confined in a small cell constructed of silver and made to abide by the man’s rules and forced to take part in his games.

For 76 years Alden was part of this collection until the hunter’s son sold him in 2020 to Covaire City so he could acquire enough money to purchase a vampire to starve and force to bite him in order to gain immortality. He has remained locked away at the slave castle ever since…

✑ PERSONALITY: Alden has been fighting a war his entire life. He encountered his first battlefield in his childhood home, his father would cast the first strike; his younger brother would fall. He found his second battlefield beneath barbed wire, looming above the trenches. The loss of his connection with his primal side has a direct cause into the wolf falling into an omega status in Covaire, aside his lack of money. He has no ability to communicate with a pack. He will never experience the full moon like the others, his veins run hot and his vision becomes clouded till the dark of night consumes him. Alden has lost a part of himself he can never retrieve. He has lost those he loved: his brothers and sister. Loss is a casualty of war. After the actions of the Hunter Alden settled into bitter submission, he doesn’t fight the cages he’s put into as much as he did before. But there is a fire in his eyes, a call for a rebellion. Given the chance, he would not hesitate to strike those who have kept him captive. He’s numb to most emotions, distant, quiet. The years of abuse he’s endured have made him distrustful and hesitant around others. His words are simple and crafted, made to please the ears of the masters and mistresses they find in a way that cannot be misinterpreted. To most prisoners he is somewhat kind; he feels like all those kept in the Chateau are prisoners of war and does what he can to make their circumstances more bearable. Few ever get close with the wolf however, the Hunter taught him one grave and horrific truth: the beast inside him, unleashed during the full moon will attempt to murder any of those close to him, friend or foe.

MAIN || PLOT || SPECIES || CHARACTERS || EVENTS || APPLY || MOBILE

[blu-joons]

Pregnancy with Jungkook ~ BTS Headcanon

Finding Out You’re Pregnant

Jungkook was beyond ecstatic when you told him you were pregnant

You had a sneaky suspicion after missing a couple of periods, and when you confided in Jungkook, he suggested you might be pregnant

On his way home from the studio Jungkook brought you five tests, all coming out positive

He’d argue otherwise, but you definitely saw a few tears in his eyes

“I’ve just got something in my eye that’s all.”

Jungkook couldn’t wait tot tell his family, he knew his family would be just as excited as you both were

If you thought this boy was affectionate before, pregnancy took it to a whole new level

He was forever hugging you with his hands pressed firmly to your tummy

You chose not to announce the new publicly straight away, enjoying the time just the two of you

The boys were equally as excited, their golden maknae was growing up

“Baby JK, how exciting!”

It was a very emotional few days as you both came to terms with the prospect of parenthood

Jungkook tried to spend as much as time with you as possible, skipping work when he could

He made sure to keep one of the tests as a little memento

Even after just a few days he had so many plans in his head, gathering little things he found

Being Pregnant

The two of you decided to wait until the usual 12 week scan before announcing your pregnancy

It was at that point your bump also began to form

Jungkook was very handsy with your bump, always feeling it, because unsurprisingly it felt bigger everyday

“Do you not find it weird how your tummy has just become really round.”

“Thanks Kookie, I hadn’t noticed the fact my tummy was getting big.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just, so interesting to see.”

He also came up with the idea to get a cast made of your bump as a little memory piece

Every Sunday he would look on Google to see the size of your baby

“Today little one, you are the size of an orange.”

The fans were thrilled, your post-box was filled with little gifts from the kind hearted Army

Without fail, Jungkook went to every single appointment of yours

He printed thousands of your scan photos out, proudly showing them to everyone

Jungkook was an absolute saint when it came to your morning sickness

He carried a hairband on his wrist all the time as a just in case

At least ten times a day he texts you to make sure you aren’t in any pain

Decorating the nursery was a big deal for him

The two of you decided not to find out the gender of your baby

You went for a light grey theme as Jungkook had read that it was good for babies

Every night he would lay with his head right by your tummy, talking to your baby

“In just three months you’re going to be cuddled up in my arms and I cannot wait.”

He prayed that his baby would have your good looks so he could coo over them

You weren’t allowed to do anything around the house, he would do absolutely everything

You wanted a cup of tea? Jungkook was there to fetch you one

Jungkook was already in the car on the way to the shop before you even had chance to finish moaning about your cravings

His shirts looked amazing over your baby bump

A lot of your journey was photographed and videoed, vowing one day to compile it all together

Every weekend his parents would visit, wanting to make sure the two of you were doing alright

If you even so much as move a finger when you’re asleep, Jungkook jolts awake making sure you’re fine

He stocks up on lots of baby products so you never run out

Money is no object when it comes to your babies

Jungkook and their uncles spoil them rotten, with beautiful things for the nursery

Surprisingly, he loved going to your baby yoga classes, practicing techniques when you get home

You definitely had a cute nickname for your baby, ‘sprout’

“Is there not something a bit more cute that we could call our baby?”

“Sprout is cute, it’s like a little sprout growing inside of you babe, into a beautiful baby.”

Your mood swings were an unfortunate part of your pregnancy, but Jungkook understood that

Whenever you visited the studio you were treated like a queen

Jin would cook for you, Namjoon finding you a chair, whilst Hobi talked to the baby, Jin would massage your shoulders, whilst Tae and Yoongi sat and listened to how you were

As important as the baby was, you were just as important

He’s very cuddly, he loves to cuddle you and baby to sleep

The first time he felt the baby kick he was an emotional wreck

“We’ve got a little wriggler in their love.”

It was a huge moment for him to have the first physical contact with his baby

When you were in pain he would always talk to the baby, scolding them to behave for you

The saying eating for two was definitely applicable for you

You were always hungry sending Jungkook to the shop for resources

He paid attention to every word your doctor’s told you

Any time he saw your baby scans his face was a picture

He was so full of love, for the both of you, excited by the prospect of fatherhood

As you got later into the pregnancy, Jungkook took on a lot of responsibility, making sure everything was ready

If he was honest, he wasn’t ready for your pregnancy to end, you were stunning with the bump

“I think this is the most beautiful you’ve ever looked, carrying my child.”

Nerves began to set in as you reached the thirty seven weeks

You would both sit up late at night and reassure each other that you were a team and would do it together

He took lots of photos of your bump as a keepsake

And to show your child in the future

Labour

Your labour began in the early hours of the morning, your stomach causing you a lot of pain

You woke Jungkook who sat up and stayed with you, doing anything to take your pain away

As you stood up to go to the toilets, you felt your waters break

Jungkook froze, the realisation hit him hard

You panicked too, turning to look at him for a bit of help

Once he’d gathered himself he loaded you into the car and drove you to the hospital

The baby bag was one of the jobs he’d given himself to sort out for you both beforehand

He sped through the traffic, he wanted to get you to the hospital as quick as possible

His hand rested on your thigh the entire time

“Keep breathing babe, you’re doing great.”

Jungkook never left your side throughout the whole labour

His hand was always in his, ignoring the pain of your tight grip

He’d wipe your forehead with paper towels, pressing a kiss to it

His words were very helpful, he kept reassuring and encouraging you

You tried to have a natural birth, just using gas and air to get your through

But, the pain became slightly overwhelming

“Get an epidural love, it won’t make you any more weak to take the pain away.”

Jungkook really struggled to see you in so much pain

He would try and encourage you to nap in between your contractions

After nearly twenty-five hours of labour the midwife gave you the cue to push

JK was with you every step of the way, holding your hand, pressing a soft kisses to the top of your head

His eyes tried to look down as he saw his baby be born too, he wanted to be there for you both

As the head emerged, Jungkook’s tears already began to flow

“Keep going babe, keep pushing, I’m so proud of you.”

Throughout your whole pregnancy he had been an absolute rock, supporting you always

The moment your baby entered the world felt like a dream

Jungkook collapsed around you, as you calmed yourself down, trying to catch a peek

Your midwife took your baby, informing you that you’d had a healthy baby boy

There were a lot of tears as your son was brought to you for the first time, resting in your arms

His eyes couldn’t look away, stroking the few tufts of dark hair your son already had

He took a lot of photos of the three of you, saving them all for his little album

The two of you had already decided on names, regardless of a boy or girl

He was very quick to ring his mum, barely able to contain his excitement

You could hear her crying on the other end of the line which was so sweet

The First Hours

Neither of you dare left your son’s side for the first few hours, taking in what was before you

He had the tiniest hands, which already he kept wrapping around your individual fingers

His eyes were the same dark shade as Jungkook’s, melting your heart

After a few hours he decided to send a picture to the other member’s

They all sent back the sweetest messages, expressing their excitement to meet the little one

Honestly, you were both just in bliss

Every so often you could hear a few sobs escape from Jungkook, as you reached across to wipe away his tears

Cuddles were a must, he would walk around your suite rocking him to sleep

Your room was filled with presents from all your friends and families

However, the thought of taking him home terrified you, without the midwives there to support you

“Don’t worry love, he is going home to a loving family, he doesn’t need anything else in life.”

You chose to breastfeed, knowing it was the best option for him

The first time you stood up was incredibly painful, JK had to help you up, whilst you groaned in agony

The First Few Days

You took your son home the following day, approaching your house to see banners everywhere

His parents had snuck in and decorated the place, tidying everything so the house was perfect

His mum instantly went for cuddles, expressing her pride in you both

“I’m so grateful Jungkook found someone like you Y/N, you’ve given him the greatest gift in life”

The whole first few days were a rollercoaster as you adjusted to life with a new-born

There were a lot of sleepless nights as you both adjusted to the tears

His playroom was filled with teddies from his uncles that they’d bought before the birth

The internet was definitely your friend as you searched assurance you were doing alright

Your family was in an adorable bubble for a while, nothing could ruin your happy family

Meeting The Boys

You took your son to meet the boys a week after the birth once things finally started to feel normal

Taehyung took photos of everyone to keep for a band album for the future

Namjoon was telling you about all the things he’d read about babies, giving you the best tips and advice

Yoongi was a little apprehensive to hold the baby, but as soon as he did, his heart melted at your son’s adorable face

Hobi attacked him with tickles, playing games of peekaboo to keep him giggling and squirming

“Where’s Hobi? There’s Hobi!”

Jin was the same, blowing raspberries and poking his little dimpled cheeks

Jimin was thrilled, wherever your son was, Jimin could definitely be found by his side

You always knew his uncles would smother him, but seeing how protective they already were overwhelmed you

The two of you had to fight them for your son back to be able to take him home

They were the sweetest, making the studio nice and quiet, creating the perfect lighting

The boys had done their research to ensure you would keep bringing your son for studio visits

The Future

Looking forwards all you wanted was a happy and healthy baby

Jungkook knew very quickly that the two of you were made for parenting

It was his favourite thing to see you as a doting mother

“Do you reckon at some point in the future we could have another?”

“I think one is enough for now.”

Jungkook never wanted to leave the bubble the two of you lived in, completely obsessed with the incredible family he had been so luckily blessed with

Masterlist

[blacklister214]

Illusions (Chapter 4): Milestone

L.A., 1983

Caleb spun and dipped Delilah, executing the move with perfect precision. Dancing with a partner had, in life, been a bit trying for him, but he had to admit this wasn't as aggravating as he remembered. That was probably due to Delilah. She was nearly as much of a perfectionist as he was and didn't complain about going into overtime if it meant getting a routine right. Just as important, the dancer had no more romantic interest in him than he had in her.

If there was one thing he didn't miss about his old life, it was the constant hetrosexual façade he'd had to maintain. Constantly squiring empty-headed starlets around town had been exhausting. Unfortunately he'd had no choice. The fan magazines needed to report on his "womanizing" ways, or people would wonder why a man as handsome, rich, and charming as Caleb Covington wasn't settled down with a nice wife. A cad was acceptable by Hollywood standards. The truth about Caleb was not.

Attitudes towards those of Caleb's persuasion hadn't completely changed with the times, but within this small group of performers, he didn't feel the need to hide that aspect of himself.

"-I tell you this, and ain't just jive. Though I'm dead, I have never felt so alive." He flipped Delilah high in air and caught her with ease. Yet another benefit of ghosthood.

"I feel like a king with," He and Delilah poofed themselves into the chair they'd set up as the makeshift "throne" on the band platform. He used his scepter to cue to the band.

"When I swing with," This time they landed themselves on the room's chandelier. They rocked it back and forth while the musicians played the accompaniment.

"When I sing, sing, sing, sing, siiiiinnnnngggg" He held out his hand and together they jumped, vanishing in mid-air, only to appear on the main stage, Caleb on one knee before Delilah.

"With you!" The band executed the final notes and there were a few seconds of silence before the whooping started.

"That was the best we ever played!" Caleb stood, keeping his face impassive, but he silently agreed. He only hoped that didn't mean they would fall flat this evening. Ignoring the gushing, he moved over to the table where he kept his notes.

"We are knocking them dead tonight!"

"Or deader as the case may be!" Caleb frowned regretting, not for the first time, his audiences weren't a little more lively. Ghosts would enjoy their talents, but lifers would be awed.

"Silence all! Let's hear from our illustrious leader." Delilah's voice rang out clearly and everyone became mute. He could feel a dozen pairs of eyes drilling into his back. He sighed and turned to them.

"The show starts at 8. I expect everyone back in the green room by 6:30. Don't be late." The musicians seemed to deflate a bit. Good. The last thing Caleb wanted was for the band to feel complacent.

He knew better than anyone that the greatest performance often came when the performer felt they had something to prove. Everyone in this room now had the perfect motivation. They'd play their hearts out just to spite him.

Caleb could tell by the set of Delilah's jaw that she was not amused but she pasted on a smile and turned to the musicians.

"Quick, scurry before he decides to keep us all for more rehearsal." The band popped out one at a time until only his partner remained. Her hands went to her hips, the universal sign for an unhappy woman.

"Yes?" If she needed to scold him, they might as well get it over with before this evening's show.

"It wouldn't kill you to be nicer to them." Caleb cocked an eyebrow at her in a way so many of his fans had adored.

"Nothing would kill me at this point. That is the main perk of being dead." The expression on Delilah's face communicated he wasn't winning her over with his quip.

"Treat them well or they won't stick around. It's not like you're paying them and they need the job." Caleb smiled to himself, remembering all the tongue lashings he'd delivered during his life to castmates and crew members who hadn't been pulling their weight. If Delilah had known him then, she'd realize the kid gloves with which he handled his current band.

"They will stick around for the same reason I tolerate having them around. I am offering them an opportunity to perform again." That was all the carrot he needed to keep drawing them back. Caleb provided a venue, an audience, new music to play, and a star. What more could they possibly want from him?

Delilah stared at him a moment without speaking and then let her arms fall to her sides. She seemed less angry, but more...sad? Disappointed?

"If you keep pushing everyone away, you're going to end up spending eternity alone." Caleb fought the unpleasant roiling of his gut. He didn't care what Delilah thought. He didn't need her good opinion.

"I'm not alone." Warmth flooded him as he thought of Alex, pushing away all of the unpleasantness in the conversation. He smiled to himself, remembering he won't have to wait much longer before his next visit. He'd planned to drop by Alex's room at 5 pm, in a mere three hours.

"How is Alex?" Caleb's mind jerked back into the moment and he saw Delilah's expression had shifted again. She looked almost amused about something, but for the life of him, no pun intended, he couldn't imagine what. How had she guessed at the direction of his thoughts? 

Also, why was she asking him about Alex? She had only met him the one time, and things had been a bit one-sided. Still, Alex was an extremely charming child. Caleb had liked him from their first meeting and he liked almost no one. Naturally she'd be interested in the boy's well-being.

"Fantastic. He's the best student in both of his dance classes. The teacher put him downstage center. A little brat named Kimberly was furious, but cream will rise to the top."

Caleb had been unable to resist peeking in the classes from time to time. He'd wanted to assure himself that Alex was happy and the teacher wasn't completely incompetent. Caleb felt she wasted too much time on the hopeless students, but such was the nature of her profession. His opinion of the woman had greatly risen when she had given Alex his place of honor.

"Is it possible you're privately tutoring him as well?" Caleb frowned, wondering at the purpose of her question. Was she implying Alex didn't deserve to be the star in his class? That Caleb was unfairly giving the boy an advantage?

"I may have given him a few pointers. He has natural ability and the drive to better himself, so why wouldn't I assist him?" It wasn't as though Alex's parents would have been of any help. 

His mother would have to tear herself away from her many community-minded commitments. Heaven knew protests at women's clinics didn't organize themselves. For a woman supposed so committed to children and family she didn’t seem to spend much time with her own.

Alex's father had stopped his bullying ways since Caleb's intervention, but the experience had had an unanticipated side effect. These days Greg seemed a bit leery of Alex. Caleb suspected his threat had made Greg Mercer wonder if his four year old was in communication with a demon.

The man had actually nailed multiple crosses up all over the house, including in Alex's room. The Mercer family was also now attending church every Sunday. Grace was now always said before dinner. Still, it was an improvement over the unceasing criticism and Alex had been allowed his dance lessons. Overall it was a positive outcome.

"Caleb Covington, you are not the bastard everyone thinks you are." Caleb blinked at Delilah's pronouncement. Was she implying he was soft because he happened to spend a little of his time with a delightful child? He couldn't let that stand.

"Take that back." He pointed a finger in her direction in warning. Delilah's smile only grew wider.

"Fine. You're not the COMPLETE bastard everyone thinks you are. See you tonight." She vanished before he could refute her again. He resented the implication that he was in any way weak. He had worked hard to cultivate an air of implacable authority. To be a man both respected and feared throughout Hollywood. Was Alex's influence changing him somehow? Fundamentally altering who he was? 

Caleb closed his eyes, shutting out the world, and thinking only of Alex. Once again the feeling of peace swept over him. He let himself completely surrender to that feeling.

"-IS real!" Caleb's eyes popped open, startled. He swung his head around the empty ballroom. He had been certain that he had heard Alex's voice as clearly as if the boy were right in front of him. Was this another ability manifesting?

He closed his eyes and tried again, finding the place within himself that belonged to Alex.

"Is so!" There! Caleb frowned at the tone Alex had used. Alex sounded angry. Alex was almost never angry.

"Is not!" Interesting, he could hear other voices as well. This one seemed to belong to a young girl.

"Is so!" Not most witty of replies, but Caleb was proud of Alex's refusal to be cowed. It was often difficult for Alex to assert himself. Caleb had been working to help him overcome that fear and apparently those lessons were already paying dividends.

"Is not!" The little girl was practically screeching at this point. Caleb couldn't possibly imagine what could be getting both children so agitated.

"I see Caleb too! I see him right there. You can't because you're a meany-face!" Yet another voice. A boy this time. And what had he said? 'I see Caleb too!'? Caleb was more than a little surprised that he himself had been the cause of the argument. He generally encouraged Alex not to speak of him at all.

"Mommy! Luke called me a-" The girl's voice drifted off until Caleb could no longer hear her. Presumably she'd gotten too far from Alex.

"Luke? Are you sure you see Caleb? Because I don't see him." Alex's voice had gotten softer and Caleb could hear the worry in his voice. Alex had asked Caleb once if he'd still be able to see Alex when he got older. Caleb had assured Alex he would, but the truth was Caleb had no idea. Hearing Alex's voice now made him wonder if the boy had truly believed his comforting claim.

"I pretended." This 'Luke' didn't seem at all ashamed of his lie. An interesting contrast to Alex, who had once confessed to eating a stolen cookie less than a minute after taking his first and only bite. Alex hadn't even been the one to steal the cookie. Caleb had done it on his behalf. An ill-advised gesture as it turned out since Alex couldn't explain how he'd gotten the cookie from the top shelf of the pantry. The poor boy had ended up grounded for the week.

"Why?" Caleb was interested in hearing this answer as well.

"Because Sarah's a meany-face." Even Caleb had to admit that was rather sweet. This 'Luke' sounded as young as Alex, but already he had chosen to be Alex’s champion. Caleb decided he'd like to clap eyes on the child and thank him for his chivalry. It was sooner than he'd intended, but plans changed all the time.

Caleb found himself standing next to a large sandbox. The park. That would explain the voices of the other children.

"Caleb!" Alex yelled excitedly as he almost always did when Caleb appeared. How far they've both come from the day of Alex's 4th birthday when Alex had screamed in terror at the sight of him.

"He's here?!" The boy, "Luke" sounded nearly as excited as Alex did.

"Right there!" Alex pointed and Caleb watched and waited. Judging from the way Luke swiveled his head and squinted, Caleb could tell he was as invisible to the boy as he was to everyone else. After a minute the boy shrugged and waved. Caleb took a step to the left, just to be certain, but Luke's eyes remained on the space where Caleb had been.

"Hi Caleb! I'm Luke." Caleb loosed a small laugh. Though Luke couldn't see him, he still believed Alex that Caleb was there.

"Alex, please tell Luke that I'm very pleased to meet him and that I said thank you for being such a good friend to you." Before Alex could relay the message he was interrupted by the arrival of two women and the wretched child from earlier. The first was clutching the little’s girl’s hand, looking deeply affronted. The second lady, looking no lest incensed stopped before Alex’s defender.  

"Lucas Patterson! Did you call Sarah a 'Meany-face'?" Given the similarity of features, Caleb could only assume this was Luke's mother. Surely she wasn't taken in by the little girl's crocodile tears?

"Yes." Luke sounded no more contrite than he'd had early. The furrowing of the woman's eyebrows told Caleb the boy's mother hadn't missed the lack of repentance either.

"Then you need to apologize to her right this minute!" Luke's face turned positively mulish, making him resemble his mother even more. His arms folded across his chest.

"No! She IS a meany-face. And a tattle tale." Mother and son gazed into each other eyes, forcefully reminding Caleb of an Old West showdown. All that was missing was a tumbleweed rolling through the park. Finally Luke’s mother turned to the other woman. 

"I apologize for my son's rudeness. We are going home." The woman held out her hand to her child. Luke uncrossed his arms, looking as aghast as if she'd raised her hand to spank him.

"But Moooommmm-" Luke was brought up short by a look that even Caleb found somewhat intimidating.

"Say goodbye to Alex." Luke's posture flopped, signally that his mother had won the day.

"Bye Alex." He paused, then deliberately turned to where Caleb had first appeared. "Bye Caleb." Luke quickly stuck out his tongue at the little girl before at last taking his mother's hand. Caleb smiled, admiring the boy's moxie.

"I like him." Caleb turned at Alex's comment and found him staring after Luke. He realized that he could have just witnessed a major milestone for Alex. Alex was generally liked among other children, but he didn't have any one child in particular he was close with.

"Me too." Though he'd only seen the boy for a few minutes, Caleb was already convinced Luke was just the kind of loyal companion Alex deserved. Someone who would watch over him when Caleb couldn't. Someone who would listen to him.

"Caleb?" Caleb looked down and saw Alex was once more biting his lip. He hadn't seen that habit in months and it never boded well.

"Yes Alex?" The boy looked afraid. What question could be so terrifying that he was frightened to even ask it?

"Are you real? Sarah said you're not. She says I made you up." When the words finally came, Caleb realized he should have anticipated them. Of course his argument with the bratty child was upsetting him. Caleb had to consider his answer carefully.

He didn't want to tell Alex he was a ghost. Maybe one day the boy would figure it out on his own, but hopefully by then Alex would be so accustomed to Caleb it wouldn't have much of an impact.

"I am real. I'm just real in a different way than you are. But that's not always a bad thing." Caleb looked around for something to cheer Alex up. His eyes alighted on a portable radio. At present it's owner seemed to be asleep on a blanket. Not very intelligent of them really. They were practically asking for their device to be stolen. Really what he was about to do was a benevolent gesture.

"If I were like you I could do this?" He pointed at the radio and the power moved to the "On" position.

"-And it's magic if the music is groovy," The napper jerked awake and stared at the radio in confusion.

"It makes you feel happy like an old-time movie." Caleb recognized the song. It was one of Alex's favorites. They'd spend an entire afternoon with Alex's parents radio. They'd flipped through stations so Caleb had at least some awareness of what had happened to music in the fifty years he'd been in the dark room. Quite a bit apparently, and in Caleb's view, very little of it good.

"Do You Believe in Magic" had come on and Caleb had decided to add a little spice to the song by demonstrating his developing telekinetic powers to Alex. Alex had been as entranced as Caleb had hoped. As a consequence Alex fairly regularly wheedled Caleb into performing that song over, and over, and over again. It was no surprise when Alex spun to face him, all sad thoughts forgotten.

"Caleb, will you sing?!" Caleb did not know whether to chuckle or groan.

"I don't know Alex. You know it's not really my type of music." This too was part of the routine. Caleb, hemming and hawwing...

"Pleeaassse? You sing it so nice!" Alex begging and flattering...

"Alright, but only if you're my band." And then Caleb finally giving in. "Are we agreed?" Alex nodded eagerly. He held out his sand bucket with one hand and his shovel with the other in a ready position.

Caleb started snapping his fingers in time with the song. Alex obediently started tapping the rhythm in his bucket. When Caleb was sure Alex had the beat he transported himself to the top of the play structure's tower. Caleb sang down as Alex beamed up at him from the ground.

"I'll tell you about the magic, and it'll free your soul, But it's like trying to tell a stranger 'bout a rock 'n' roll."

Caleb swayed with the music, noticing something odd as he did. He would swear that people were looking at him.

"If you believe in magic don't bother to choose, if it's jug band music or rhythm and blues. Just go and listen it'll start with a smile, that won't wipe off your face no matter how hard you try."

They were still looking. A hope bloomed in Caleb's chest. He shouldn't indulge in it. He knew it was impossible and yet….

Caleb spotted a table about twenty feet away with some parents sitting at it. He instantaneously transported himself on top of it. Once Caleb appeared, there was no doubt in his mind that their eyes were locked on him. He soaked up their amazement like they were water and he a sponge. His eyes returned to Alex who faithfully kept tapping on his bucket from a few yards away.

"Your feet start tapping, and you can't seem to find, how you got there, so just blow your mind. If you believe in magic come along with me-"

He jerked his head at Alex to follow him. Disappearing once more, he re-materialized on an empty seesaw. He danced from the low end to the high end as he sang, aware a crowd was slowly converging on him.

It was incredible! The closest he'd ever gotten to the feeling was when he'd consumed five cups of coffee in the course of one hour. His entire being was buzzing.

"We'll dance until morning till there's just you and me. And maybe if the music is right, I'll meet you tomorrow sorta late at night, and we'll go dancing baby, then you'll see how the magic's in the music, and the music's in me." Caleb hopped off the seesaw and with a wave of his hand started it rocking up and down to the music.

"Yeah, do you believe in magic?" He pointed at an empty swing and with a twirled of his finger wound the chains and then released them to spin out. His audience clapped in admiration.

They were crowding him too tightly. He needed space if he didn't want to be revealed as noncorporeal. Caleb vanished and reappeared back in his original perch.

"Yeah, believe in the magic of the young girl's soul,"

The crowd sighted him and followed him like rats behind the Piper Pied of Hamelin.

"Believe in the magic of a rock 'n' roll, believe-"

Suddenly a collective gasp went up and people began buzzing, despite the fact Caleb was still singing.

"-in the magic that can set you free. Ahh, talking 'bout the magic."

"Where did he go? I hear him, but I don't see him!" Caleb waved his hands but no one took notice.

"Do you believe in magic?" He'd gone invisible again. Why? And where was Alex? He scanned the crowd. He'd gotten so caught up in the attention he'd completely lost sight of him. Suddenly he sighted the back of the boy's head. His mother had him at the edge of the grass, dragging him away from Caleb towards their car.

"Did you see that?! That was incredible!"

What possibly could be upsetting the woman? She couldn't have a problem with magicians. She'd hired one for her son's party last year. He'd have to speak with Alex about it later.

"Do you believe, believer?" It seemed at least one mystery was solved. The temporary visibility was connected to Alex. When he got pulled away by his mother, Caleb became invisible again. Interestingly though, he could be heard on his own. It hadn't worked that way with speaking, but singing apparently was another story.

"How did he do that? Mirrors and a speaker?"

"Do you believe in magic?" He'd never been heard rehearsing in the hotel, but that was inside an abandoned building. If Caleb moved his performance outdoors, then he could sing for living audiences again.

"In a park? Unlikely? Do you think we were all hypnotized?"

"Do you believe in magic?" Would it work for his band as well? He wasn't sure how he felt about singing with no accompaniment whatsoever.

"Why do you think he was here? Do you think he's drumming up business for kid's parties?" Caleb had been half-listening to the comments of his audience, but that last sentence got his full attention. He was about to show the man a taste of his "children's party" magic when his companion gave a disbelieving snort.

"A man that talented is not playing children's parties. Mark my words, in a few days we'll hear about him playing a theatre downtown. This was probably a publicity stunt." Caleb smirked to himself. That was more like it. Theatres. Sold out crowds. The adoration of millions. That his reality in life and that was his destiny in death. He'd make sure of it.

[steveusesfaberge]

Tips & Company Policy

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Request: So my request is — the reader is dating Steve, and they both work with robin at scoops and they’re in this competition on who can get the most tips & then reader flirts with a male customer & bb Steve gets jealous and protective ya know however you wanna spin it lol happy ending tho ❤️❤️

Summary: He’s loved her, ever since he could remember...Steve just had never had the courage to speak up. That is, until now - Robin being the ultimate wing-woman he never asked for...a friendly competition...a good-looking customer...and no regards to their company policies.

Type/Style: Imagine, female pronouns

Warning(s): Fluffff, fluff, flufffffff, a dork named Harrington, a bit of a jealous boi, and a cheeky ass Robin <3 Cursing, cause...yeahhh...

Word Count: +7.4K

a/n: This was such a cuteeeeeee idea! I’m so happy I had the pleasure of writing it! <3 It made me happy and prepared me for what I have planned next...

Next up is a Billy fic...and hold your horses, kids...this one is gonna be a doozy...angst, tears, and fluff sprinkled throughout...a miniseries that I plan to have a sweet ending.

I’m trying to decide on what t do with my next Steve fic...either a request, or something new (possibly a miniseries for Harrington too).

I apologize if I haven’t gotten to your requests, in order for me to actually write - I need inspiration and time...I’ve lacked in the first recently, for those in particular, and I’m sorry! I promise I’ll get to them though! <3

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“Ouch. I’m pretty sure that’ll leave a mark.” Steve groaned in frustration, as Robin mocked him from the glass-slide window. He turned around, employee issued-hat in hand...chocolate blast smeared across his face. Just another day at Scoops Ahoy for Steve Harrington...

“Har, har,” He fussed while giving her a nasty look. Buckley only smirked while adding another tally to the You Suck side of that infamous whiteboard of hers.

Robin capped her marker. “You know, if you stopped being a dingus, you’d notice that you don’t have to work so hard for your money,” the dirty-blonde told while giving him the you’re an idiot - why am I even telling you this? You should know this already look.

Steve’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, he pulled a clean rag from under the counter and wiped his face off. Proceeding to wipe down the countertop while he’s at it... “What? Whaddya mean by that?” Harrington questioned while lifting a hand to rub his nose, the stain from the counter (and his face) now gone. 

He’d been talking to a customer and as he was serving her, he...accidentally...might’ve given a backhanded comment - of course, unintentional - but he managed to irk her anyway (So, I was just thinking, maybe you and me could get together some time - y-you know, like back at your place. O-Or mine..-- Well, I mean - I’d take you out first, like before we did anyth- like I wouldn’t just screw you and leave...unless you wanted me to). Yeah...not his best run. Thus, the flavor of the day made friend’s with his cheekbones.

“I mean,” Robin started while rolling her eyes and crossing her arms,” You - good sir - are wasting your time on--,” she trailed off, pulling a hand up to gesture to the sea of people passing by the parlor.

Steve touched his face, pulling at his bottom lip with his thumb and forefinger. “Mhm, mhm, mhm...yeah, yeah, get to the point.”

Robin could only gawk at him; as if he were truly the dumbest person she’d ever met (and he was). She scoffed in disbelief. “Steve-- I mean, why do you try with all these others girls, when the one that’s - as they say,” she paused for emphasis, her eyes wide and her speech slow as if talking to a child.

“The perfect girl - is right under your fucking nose, Harrington.” With that, she grabbed his shoulders and whipped him to turn around. Steve was in the midst of telling her off and rolling his eyes when he spotted her...

She had her hair let down, allowing a flow of honey and lavender to waff off her figure (Steve knew because he’d asked her...I mean...of course he did - his hair didn’t get this good all by itself...). Her y/c/e eyes were far from lackluster - shining with untold stories and secrets that Harrington would lamely listen to all night if she gave him the chance...

She held herself with such, grace - such poise - and yet, still held that charm that he loved. Y/N waved at him, her y/c/s skin almost glowing, casting a halo in his eyes...was he seeing things? Robin could see the way the light captured her perfectly in every aspect too...right?

She was shorter than him, though he didn’t mind...Steve liked that he could glance down without her knowledge throughout their days - sneaking a glimpse of a pearly smile, adorable pout, or simple bliss from solely being alive and in her presence.

“Hey, Stevers - you holdin’ down the fort okay?” Y/N asked while cocking an eyebrow teasingly. He could only sputter an answer - nodding foolishly after harshly swallowing his embarrassment down.

He watched as she and Robin exchanged some...complex...handshake (it had nothing on his and Dustin’s, pfft). “Okay? - Okay? - Y/N/N, this dingus chased off more customers than yesterday,” Buckley snorted while cackling like the wicked, wicked witch of the west (she was doing this on purpose and they both knew it....).

Y/N gave a sigh, correcting her hat to sit on her head a bit higher, walking by Steve and patting his shoulder. “Lay it on me, did you tell someone they looked pregnant? Drop their cone? Get their order wrong?” She offered, tapping her nails along the countertop.

“Mmm, bad enough. He told the girl he was basically looking for s--,” “Not. Important!” Harrington cut in with his words drowning out Robin’s - a voice crack and all...Great...just peachy...

Y/N chuckled, shaking her head while her eyes found the edge of her freckled friend’s familiar tally-chart. “You know Steve, if you’re that desperate to get back in the game, I could always hook you up,” the y/c/h haired girl told while flipping her scooper in the air and catching it; not even flinching (a trick that Harrington himself actually taught her - explaining that it’s all in the wrists -see?).

Steve gave an awkward, half-hearted laugh. Waving her off and using the excuse to attend to the next customers as his ticket out of that conversation. In the middle of Steve trying to avoid his own humiliation - he’d missed the way her lips twitched as he denied her offer...as if she’d wanted no to be his answer...

Why was Steve embarrassed about that though? - Well...it’s kinda embarrassing to tell someone that they didn’t want to be set up with their friends...because...even through all the corny jokes, horrendous pick-up lines, and random talks at work (and while babysitting, and while just...well...hanging out...) - he still couldn’t work the nerve to ask her out. After all this time...

He’d known Y/N since, what? - Diapers? Yeah...something like that. Either way, Steve was sure of one thing - he was in love with Y/N Y/L/N and there was nothing he could do to stop himself from falling. In fact, he found that he kept falling...every....single...day.

He remembered growing up and the idea of even kissing a girl was just the invitation of catching cooties and dying. Steve could remember thinking that he’d never want to even be close enough to a female to...to see that her smile was slightly crooked - only because she always had this sweet little way of grinning, to begin with. He never wanted to be close enough to a girl to realize that their eyes swam more than just one color; no one shade could define the pigment contained in those orbs...

Steve had never imagined he’d want to be close enough to a girl as to remember the way she smelled. Honey and jasmine? No...sometimes it was pine and what he could only describe, as a summer’s night. Yeah...young Steve would be floored to see him now...

Then, they hit middle school; nothing changed...not too much. Steve was still skeptical about this whole girl thing, but he was slowly giving it a chance. Y/N was still his best friend - she still came over and they’d ride their bikes down to the park and sit on the swings...just talking about their day. Or sometimes, they’d just stay inside - binge as many VHSes as they could (Y/N always liked to add her two-cent. Ugh, see this is why they ended up dying! -- What? I would’ve totally taken the red one! -- She’s crazy! -- He’s so smart! -- I thought the mom would be more upset...-- Does that guy even care? -- What color is that? -- Is that misspelled? Steve, Steve! Look!).

Nothing changed...no...well, besides Harrington slowly finding himself looking a second too long at her; smiling a bit too hard at her; listening a little too much to her. He thought it was puberty doing this to him, so he pushed it aside...Then, high school...

Steve remembers it as the first day of November. They had a few months of high school under their belt and were already easing into it all. Turns out, Harrington was what they called...a chick magnet...he started young, what can he say? Though, being fifteen and only barely figuring out where his classroom was...he didn’t care. There wasn’t a reason to care about his looks just yet...he was still trying to figure out which styles were cooler (Senior boys out-ranked him by far, so he had to stand by).

The first day of November...he was walking Y/N home; as he always did (before he got his BMW and his license). She didn’t live too far from him - just down the street, taking two right, then going straight until you passed a big yellow house...stopping at the quaint grey one. He didn’t mind the walk, it was actually kinda nice just to be able to express every thought and emotion that he’d hidden throughout his day. Especially to someone who cared so much about what he had to say.

She’d been wearing his jacket - it was a bit chilly and he didn’t want to be a dick and not give her his coat (his mother would kill him if he treated Y/N wrong). And then - I fell, right? Like in the middle of friggin class...and everyone - and I mean everyone - even Daniel Corvin and he’s like...basically ‘too cool for school’ if you know what I mean. Gosh, I just...I just wish you’d been there. She had been recounting an incident in physical science, telling Steve in great detail how she’d spilled two beakers of - God knows what - on Sally McDonald and Tracie Nelson.

Then - then, Steve - I tried to help them, you know-- like get the stain out...Steve...that stain would not...come out...I thought Tracie was going to bite my head off! Steve had only laughed, getting a shove from the girl in the process. Sorry, sorry - it’s just... If I were there, Y/N - I’d have laughed at you and probably do something dumber. She had smiled at him, and somehow, someway...it was that moment...that moment on the first day of November...walking home from school on a Tuesday...had he felt it.

The sky was a cloudy grey and it had everything bathed in a drab stillness. The wind being the only evidence of time moving as it lifted Y/N’s hair to fly out behind her. Her hands were buried in the pockets of a jacket not belonging to her, too big to fit properly, yet Steve found it to fit her perfectly. Harrington had been carrying her backpack for her (gentlemanly as always) and he’d almost dropped both their bags in the process of watching her...watching her idly kick the fallen leaves as she retold the story.

It was so simple. There was nothing special about that day, he hadn’t won a basketball game (being MVP), nor had he passed some big exam, or even find out he was secretly the heir to some ancient throne...no...nothing that day could explain how he’d acted - nothing causing him to burst with happiness and emotion, the only answer? Steve simply being there with her.

He was in love...

It carried throughout his high school days. He found that despite how many baskets he shot, girls he tempted, and papers he passed...she was still...there. The feelings...still there. Y/N would sit front row, cheering louder than anyone else at his games (even committing to the away-games, claiming she’d never miss him play for the world). Y/N was always there for him when he had girl troubles (either helping him through it, or talking him out of it) - always smiling, and always supportive. Y/N would help him study - they had this tradition of Monday nights being preserved for the two of them. They’d get their week together, planning, discussing, and deciding what was best and when to do it...she was always there.

And she still was.

Standing only a few feet away; a dingy little white hat on her head as she patiently assisted some young boy with what ice cream size he wanted. Shooting Steve a wink or a goofy face whenever she had the pleasure of doing so. She was still there...after all those years...after everything, they’d gone through...and yeah, almost dying two times was enough to drive any girl - hell, anyone - away. Yet, there she was. Still there.

“Sailor boy, you wanna move or what?” Y/N asked, pursing her lips, placing a hand on the counter as she tried slipping by him to reach the mint-chocolate-chip the boy had requested. “Oh, yeah...sure,” he mumbled while shuffling to the right. “Dork,” Y/N huffed with a soft laugh, nudging him with her hip.

He looked up to hear Robin - not so casually - cough. “Ahem - ahem - Stev...a...ahhheeem....you....you suck.” It was a jab at their private conversation...one they’d had a few weeks ago when Robin, the dirty little sleuth she was...had figured out about his (long-term) feeling for Y/N Y/L/N.

What? -- You’re saying, after eighteen years...you haven’t even...tried...to ask her out, Harrington? -- It..it never c-came up! -- Mhm, sure...wow, and here I thought The Hair actually was some big shot. -- I was! - I-I am! I’m just...I don’t...want to ruin...what we have... -- Yeah, said every sad-ending love story ever.

He flipped her off after making sure no one would notice and jerked his hands up in a waggling motion, sticking his tongue out and shaking his head at her. “Wow - yeah, real mature, dingus.” Robin clapped slowly, applauding his act generously.

“Shut the hell up,” he grumbled while running his hands down his face, clawing at his cheeks dramatically popping his eyes wide.

He turned around as Y/N started talking. “You know - as much as this uniform blows - I do say, the tips aren’t bad.” She held up an extra dollar and gave a shrug.

“That’s more than Steve could ever manage,” Robin piped up while leaning out the glass window. Harrington glared at her and only faked a smile. “Please - I can make way more t-than...than that!” He exclaimed, snatching the dollar from Y/N.

“Hey--- hey! Dickhead! That’s mine! I didn’t just amuse a child for twenty-two minutes for your sorry ass to take it!” She whined while fighting a smile as Steve held it over his head, holding it to the light as if trying to figure out its authenticity.

“Mhmm, yes...yes...the serial number looks right...”

“Steeeeevvveee! S-Stop that!” Y/N giggled while jumping up, inadvertently pushing his back to the counter as he only denied her petition, snapping the bill straight a few times.

“Wait a second....is that picture drawn on?” He uttered while gasping loudly, using one arm to hold Y/N away from him as she collapsed into him, complaining and slapping his bicep mildly.

Of course, it was hard to be mad at him...even after eighteen-years, Y/N still could never find it in her to be truly cross with him (annoyed? Sure...but furious...? Not even once). Steve had this incredible gift where - anything he did was always so...good-natured, innocent, and in his own way absurd...Y/N was never given the chance to be mad.

She’d admit, the whole King Steve thing back in his late Junior year and finishing Senior year was a bit much (little did she know he’d done it to try and gain even an ounce of her attention...being dense himself and not understanding he already had it). 

Y/N hadn’t rolled her eyes, or sighed more in her life than when he was in his uphold the name and keep the reputation title...don’t even mention when Hargrove came to town - oooooh, how Harrington made her blood boil -- and yet, Steve would just flash a smile and then trip over air he hadn’t noticed; falling on her bedroom floor, or in the kitchen, or living room...or anywhere possible for Steve to screw it up with his dorkiness -- and she’d still be admiring the way his brown eyes glistened with youth and blamelessness.

It was inexplainable...how she felt for Harrington - really the most difficult thing to concede. He was charming, he was sweet, he was amusing, he was Steve. And she’d been ever so lucky as to see that in him starting from a young age. Y/N couldn’t remember why it had happened...but it had...and she couldn't explain it, not for her life.

It had been late April, Steve’s birthday just around the corner...he had been turning sixteen and he’d found his proper place in their school’s social monarchy already working his way to the top (from his looks to his at-school devious persona...he fit right in). Y/N had always thought he was a bit of a show-boat, but Steve only discerned it as finally figuring out who he was (which was total BS because looking at him now - an eighteen-year-old dork who didn’t have a clue on what to do with the rest of his life...oh, boy had young Stevie been wrong).

His parents had never really been around, which Y/N blamed for his yearn for attention as a young teen. They loved him, of course, they did! -- They just worked a lot, didn’t have a lot of time...and Steve was...well...a lot...of alone. Y/N didn’t accuse him of wanting to seek the approval of his peers. She always told him if that’s what he wanted; she’d make sure he didn’t sink his own (show-boat) ship.

Tommy H. and Carol had been the ones to suggest a big party. They alleged it was his sweet-sixteen and there’d not be another one. Ugh. Y/N had never approved of the pair - Tommy was always rude and had this animalistic manner to everything he did, and Carol was a two-faced backstabber who gossiped more than the bored, middle-aged mothers’ of Hawkins.

Steve hadn’t been too keen on the idea himself - he’d told Y/N in confidence a few nights prior to the birthday bash...(he’d been laying on her bed, throwing and catching one of the stuffed animals she had resting on her mattress - one he’d gotten her to be exact). Why don’t you just tell them that? Steve had only shrugged, squeezing the plushy with a sigh. It’s not that simple, honey. Telling that to Tommy and Carol...is like telling a brick wall to stop talking... -- Steve, how the hell does that work? -- Exactly! It doesn’t!).

Y/N remembered going to that party and finding Steve being jostled around in the midst of it all. An artificial smile that only she knew to be fake in the first place. It didn’t reach his eyes, and his gaze was ducked to the floor...if Tommy H. and Carol had been real friends - they’d have seen how half-assed everything was on Harrington’s behalf.

His pool had been crowded with strangers and Y/N remembered the kitchen and living room not being much different. She’d managed to snag Harrington from the chaos and when he asked her where she was taking him, Y/N had only told Steve to shut up and buckle up.

They drove only a few minutes in soft silence down the road to her house - where he was shocked to see an already made pillow-fort built from her living room; a pile of their favorite/his favorite movies, more junk food than Steve could possibly consume, a mountain of pillows, and a collection of cozy blankets.

W-What’s all-- she’d cut him off, giving Steve a hug from behind and grinning madly. Happy birthday, dork. He’d only smiled, leaning into Y/N’s touch, hands placed over hers; savoring the moment.

That moment...had been when she realized it. He’d been half-asleep, the clock reading a quarter to four in the morning and they’d blown through every movie, picked through every snack, and cuddled with every blanket. Steve’s hair was a hot mess (the long night had drawn out the stray strands and frizzies, and yet he still pulled off the hot part better than anyone else), his eyes held dark-circles under them and he couldn’t keep his head up - a constant battle between slumping and sitting straight.

Steve had been wearing an old red Henley shirt that he’d left at her house; long-sleeved and washed clean for him in case of an emergency like so. He was as shameless as ever, even at sixteen, and had sported his stripped boxers - preferring them to his jeans (not that she’d actually complain...who would?).

Yes - Steve Harrington - the mess on her couch; his head finally falling, finding its spot on Y/N’s shoulder without him knowing...yes...that Steve Harrington was the one she’d fallen in love with in that exact moment.

It felt like a rollercoaster...building up years of friendship and trust, to finally reach the peak - seeing over the edge and only fearing the worst outcome as they began plummeting to the ground...finally reaching that point of no return where the feeling of shock and emotion could only be accepted that this was her reality...the one she’d be stuck with for eternity...her stomach doing worse than flips...

If only Y/N had known...if only she had known that more than a year before Harrington’s sweet-sixteen; a boy walking in the fall with his best friend had too, fallen in love...maybe things would’ve turned out differently. Just maybe...

Steve had finally given the tip back to the shorter girl, ruffling her hat-covered head while Y/N swatted his hand away. They’d all gone back to their actual jobs...Robin coming to do some scooping with Y/N while Steve worked in the back, every now and then switching it up...someone getting tired of taking orders, scooping, or looking through inventory and paper forums.

It wasn’t until Robin opened her mouth that their peaceful unity was broken. Damn theater kids...

“Here’s a tip for you, Steve,” she began while refilling the waffle-cones. “You learn to not be a total dingus when talking to potential customers, and you’ll rack some extra cash!” Rubbing her fingers together, Robin had invisible greens rain down on him.

Y/N could only stifle her laugh, turning head to nod in acknowledgment of another ice cream order. Steve frowned, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, some tip,” he grumbled,” I’ll give you a tip, Robin...”

Y/N clicked her tongue, turning to face the pair, Steve hanging out the window as she glanced between them. “Stevie, it’s wrong to be jealous of my talents...I mean...not everyone can be as amazing as me,” she sighed while twirling the tip she’d received before his face (what was that? The fourth one?).

“Spare me, hun - I could do so much better if I tried,” he huffed,” Problem is - I’m just trying to be nice to you, don’t wanna just...steal all your tips, darling.”

A shared staring-contest later...and it was official...a contest.

It was simple - whoever could collect the most tips of the two by the end of their shift today, would be proclaimed the “better asset to the company” (that’s how Robin explained it anyway, even forbearing a small portion of her whiteboard to keep count for them).

Luckily for them, it was an early Saturday afternoon, and the middle of summer in Hawkins, Indiana...everyone was at the Starcourt Mall if they weren’t at the pool (Y/N had heard Billy getting a job there made quite the impact).

“Ahoy! How can I help you?”

“You look like you want something sweet - how about a cone of cherry drizzle, sweetheart?”

“No, no! Take your time, dear!”

“I insist -- it’s on the house!”

“You’re literally...the best customer I’ve had! No joke!”

“I won’t lie to you - that’s my favorite flavor too.”

Sprinkling compliments here, a kind smile there, and a charming air all around - and they had themselves a competition. Somehow - Steve had found his nerve, Y/N suspected it was whatever Robin had said to him in the backroom (she’d said You know what - let me borrow him for a quick sec, mhmm, yeah...hold on, Y/N/N). Had it been a pep-talk? Maybe some solid advice...or a shot of courage. Either way - Harrington had suddenly found his cool...

It irritated Y/N to no ends, as every time she’d get a tip - he’d one-up her and get twice the amount she had. “All thanks to this,” he’d bragged, gesturing to himself while sticking his tongue out, leaning in too-close for her heart to handle. She had only scoffed, raising an eyebrow. “You mean to say, that ridiculous outfit is doing you some good, Harrington?” Earning Y/N a thump on her forehead, and Steve a slap to his chest.

Steve was in the lead right now; having received nineteen dollars...alone...in tips. Y/N was only a few dollars behind and she knew that if she really upped the ante, she could push ahead - or at least tie the snarky boy.

“You're up, Y/N,” Robin announced while spinning the black dry-erase between her fingers. They’d taken turns - after choosing a number between one-through-ten...Steve had been closer, and he’d gotten the chance to go first (but that had been rounds ago..).

She shot a look at Steve who only smiled and stretched a limb to boop her nose. She rolled her eyes, pretending to bite at him, the air taking a rather severe snap. Turning to face the customer; she missed Harrington’s flush and slack-jaw (also missing how Robin hit his face to get Steve out of the trance).

“Ahoy, cutie! Would you like to set sail on the ocean of flavor with me? I’ll be your Captain - I’m Y/N...nice to serve you today.” She offered a sweet simper and held her hands behind her back as she bounced on her heels.

The boy before her, had dark hair (hair that had Harrington judged silently...it wasn’t bad...he was just criticizing how the guy managed to get volume like that - did he use Faberge too?!), and green eyes. He was rather tall, taller than Steve to give an image - Y/N suspected six-foot-two...

Broad shoulders and a kind smile to his sharp features. Y/N had to admit - this guy was...not bad looking. Easy on the eyes, at least he gave off that much. He had a blue button-up on and jeans to match, a blue and white windbreaker complimenting him nicely.

He returned her smile and Y/N felt a slight blush find her cheeks.

“Nice to have you serve me too,” he chuckled,” I’m Shawn, though cutie works just as well.” He offered Y/N his hand to shake and she took it, a short giggle bubbling from her lips as he addressed her as Captain.

“Uh-oh,” Robin teased while watching the scene unfold before her. Harrington had absently begun to grip the counter to the point of his knuckles bleeding white. “Is that...jealousy I smell?” Buckley whisper-shouted while her hands came up to pinch her face together - her lips a perfect ‘o’.

Steve ignored her, chewing on his lip as he listened to the flirting this...Shawn...character was displaying. He wasn’t sure why it bothered him so much - maybe because Y/N should only be laughing with him like that, smiling at him like that, and talking to him like that...this dude didn’t even know her last name...(and God, Shawn made it sound like he wanted Y/N to take his last name...).

“The special today is chocolate blast, so...if you’re interested in that - I can assure it’ll be worth your money.” Y/N explained while rotating her scooper, weaving it between her fingers. Shawn gave a nod, and then said,” You know what - surprise me, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart. “Sweetheart?” Steve mumbled while being quietly laughed at by Robin. Steve’s eyes furrowed and he restrained himself from waltzing over and doing something not so company-policy employed.

“Well in that case,” Y/N hummed while glancing at the array of flavors,” I’ll give you a house favorite!” Harrington was one-hundred percent aware of how enchanting Y/N was without even trying...a dangerous skill indeed. Though he wasn’t the only one aware...

He watched the y/c/e eyed girl walk over to their glass-case freezer, leaning down to scoop a large clump of chocolate peanut butter truffle...he couldn’t tell if he were honored to have his favorite ice cream being the choice of surprise (because on one hand, Y/N chose it precisely for Harrington’s reaction, and then, on the other hand, that Steve was sure Y/N didn’t even know existed - she was giving his favorite flavor away to some random dude...).

“Looks delicious,” Shawn complimented, and Steve swears there wasn’t any reason for their hands to touch through the exchange of cone to hand.

Y/N could only nod, turning to the register as she began ringing him up. “Mhm! It’s really good!--,” “Is it your favorite?” the boy interrupted smoothly, leaning his elbows on the counter.

“Haha, no - it’s actually his,” Y/N told while scratching at her neck. The reference to Steve had him hold three fingers up in a weak attempt at hello.

Shawn eyed Harrington, sizing him up before looking back to Y/N (who did this Shawn-guy think he was?!). “Interesting choice.”

As expected, he left (an unnecessarily) large tip...not only pushing Y/N in the lead, but also pushing Steve over the edge.

The opposing man decided to stick around, even after his cone was finished...he sat at a nearby table and was bothering them as they worked (that’s how Steve perceived it anyway...).

Y/N kept getting sidetracked; thus, her score lagging behind Harrington after a few more shoppers... It looked as if she cared on some level - but Steve wasn’t an idiot and he could see how this (not him) alright-looking guy had her attention for the time being.

Normally, he’d ben enthralled to see he’d be winning their contest. He and Y/N had always had these playful kinds of competitions growing up, this wasn’t any different...except it was...because insert this random flirty dude and bam....it throws off everything.

Steve didn’t like the way Shawn would make a specific comment and Y/N would giggle, or shake her head in amusement. Steve didn’t like how Shawn would watch her as she worked - as if trying to remember a hidden pattern. Steve hated how Y/N seemed...okay with this...it drove him absolutely mad.

After roughly fifteen more minutes of Harrington trying to contain his little green gremlin - he gave up. He could only be so nice for so long...after all, he was only just a man.

“Screw this,” he murmured while throwing his hat to the side. Pushing his seat out and walking to the side door (he and Robin had been sitting in the back room while they waited, taking the time to fill a few inventory forums).

Robin raised a brow, peeping out the window to see what exactly had his tailfeather’s ruffled like a sorrowful peacock. She smirked, sputtering her reply.

“Pffft -- y-you really gonna do this? Like...like...first of all, your hat - Harrington, that’s against company policy.” Steve shrugged her off, pressing his back to the door and shoving it the rest of the way open.

“I don’t care,” he hissed. Robin only pursed her lips, arms crossing over her chest. “Mhm...well, customer satisfaction is also part of our company policy...and as far as I can tell,” she urged while her eyes flickered back to the boy talking with Y/N,” He’s looking pretty satisfied.”

Steve grit his teeth, offering a scoff before fulling exiting the room. “Screw company policy.”

“And so I sai--,” “Ahoy! -- I’m Steve,” he greeted loudly, butting into Shawn’s story. Y/N was behind the countertop, replacing an empty tub of plain chocolate with a fresh one when Steve swooped in to do it for her.

He plopped the bucket down and then leaned his arms on the counter, eyes digging into the boy sat at the table-for-two closest to the register. Steve rubbed his cheek and cleared his throat. “Steve - Steve Harrington. Nice to meet you.”

“Uh, Shawn, Shawn Gilson,” the stranger replied,” Nice to meet you t--,”

“So, uh, I dunno if you’re aware, Shawn, but - Scoops’ has this, uh,” Steve interjected while snapping his fingers, shaking his head,” This...thing - where customers who spend...too long here, are considered to be loitering.” He shrugged.

“I don’t mean to be that guy - but you should probably go,” Steve continued with a soft click of his tongue, giving a soft suck of breath as an oh, darn.

Before Shawn could answer properly, Steve was hopped over the countertop, helping the taller boy to stand up. “Yeah, I know -- it’s such a bummer,” he spoke over Shawn’s slow and mumbled objections.

“But - it is company policy...and you know--,” Harington continued, giving a final shove to the man; accidentally putting all his body weight into it,”--I’d hate to break company policy.” He winked, waving the guy off,” I uh, took an oath or something.” Hands on his hips, Steve smiled charmingly as he saw Shawn off; spinning on his heels once he believed the rival brunette a fair distance away.

“Well, that’s one way to take care of it,” Robin commented while smirking, her chin rested in the palm of her hand as she stood next to Y/N.

Y/N, throughout the entire interaction - had been astounded, confused, and then slightly flushed as Robin’s commentary had enlightened her to a few things.

“I know, right? I didn’t t-think that guy would ever leave,” Harrington scoffed, while trying to play it off, running a hand through his hair (a nervous tick Steve had that Y/N always found to be adorable).

Robin rolled her eyes, dropping her head to the countertop. Y/N giggled and walked over to Steve, meeting him halfway - now all three employees standing behind the showcases.

“Why’d you do that, Harrington? He was nice,” she noted while crossing her arms, eyeing him suspiciously. Hoping he couldn’t hear the accelerated pounding of her heart or see the shake in her legs as he placed a hand on the surface of the worktop - awfully close to Y/N from what she could judge.

Steve’s jaw was slack as his tongue skimmed his teeth. He shook his head, eyes flickering from the girl before him, to the ground. “Him? - No, no - he was testing it with me, I don’t know about...nice.” In other words, I didn’t like him and where he stands isn’t clear, but my opinion isn’t positive.

“But he was sweet! -- And I’ll agree, kinda cute.” Thus, Steve’s mind blanked completely. Robin was trying to keep herself together, mumbling a low justification of needing to sign something in the back, and leaving them to their own devices.

“What? Are you crazy? - He was staring at your ass every second you weren’t looking,” he droned,” That’s not the kind of guy you want hanging around, hun,” Steve stated, his expression finding one of bitterness and annoyance.

Y/N couldn’t get another word in, Steve going on a heated rant about how unfit this flirty visitor was for her. He’d been winded afterward, having used a wild amount of hand movements and lecturing quite fast - all in one breath. He finished with slapping his palm to the granite counter, driving back his hair as Steve recollected what he’d just said and what had happened...Shit.

“Tell me, Harrington,” Y/N started while looking up to her tall best friend. “What kind of guy would you want hanging around me?”

He choked on his own spit and took a few heartbeats to figure out what to say without breaking every piece of friendship and relation they already had.

“Well,” Steve sighed, wiping his hands on his ugly uniform, they were clammy and his fingers trembled. “You...you deserve someone who...who knows you. I dunno.”

Steve licked his lips and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, and deciding to just...say it...after five...heartwrenching years of waiting; craving; pining...This probably wasn’t the first time he’d acted so irrationally...just the first time there’d been a girl named Robin to expose him...

“You deserve a guy who won’t give up on you...even after years of doubting himself. Someone who will be there when you’re upset, and never leave when you’re at your lowest point, Y/N/N. A guy who wants nothing more than to make you smile, because...Gosh, do you have such a pretty smile...He’d be satisfied with just seeing you happy - you know? - even if that means he’s not.”

“Someone who loves that...that you always air-dry your hair because it’s easier than doing anything else, even if that guy insists on proper hair care. Darling...you...you deserve someone who cherishes you in every way possible, savoring the way your laugh sounds after you recite some dumb joke, or die a little when you kick ass in the arcade.”

“Someone who knows that you hate reading books with bent pages, and when you walk, you sometimes skip every other step - almost like a hop. Y/N...you deserve someone who has never wanted anything from you...just...just for you to look at them like they look at you.” He lamented.

“And - I know...it’s stupid - but...you deserve someone who won’t just flirt with you because he can. Someone who’ll flirt with you even when you’re with him because he knows you think those stupid pickup-lines and cheesy jokes are endearing.” His voice cracked and he couldn’t help but bite his lip apprehensively. 

“I...I...I just think...maybe you’re just...looking in the wrong places,” Steve mumbled. Head hanging low. What the hell was he saying? What the actual hell was he thinking?

“Because...I...I don’t wanna sound like a narcissist...but...I always kinda thought...the kind of guy you’d...you’d end up with--,” he paused his eyes searching Y/N’s for the strength to finish.

“Was me.” He breathed.

Steve exhaled shortly, and restated,” I always thought you’d end up with me, Y/N.”

She’d been quiet throughout his speech. Earlier, while Harrington had been escorting Shawn out...Robin had spoken to her.

You know, he’s in love with you, right? -- W-What? -- Y/N...don’t be serious right now. -- Robin - I-I don’t know what you’re talking about! -- You...you seriously have no idea? Like, seriously, Y/N? -- Robin, I-I don’t know.

All Steve does, is talk about you. Think about you. Want to be with you...he told me he’s loved you since he was fifteen, Y/L/N! -- Why...didn’t he say anything? 

Fear is a very powerful sentiment, Y/N. He was scared you wouldn’t return his feelings. -- He...he never acted differently towards me though.

Are you crazy? He practically knows you better than you know you. He didn’t need to act differently because he was just always himself around you. And you see that? See him over there? That, that my friend, is jealousy. Probably one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs there is.

The dirty-blonde had then asked her a question that Y/N had tried to overcome, bury deep within her...to forget about and hopefully never think of again...it...it never had worked.

Do you love him too?

Y/N hadn’t been given the opportunity to clarify, Steve strutting back to them in that oddly proud and embarrassed manner of his. Y/N teased him like she would any other time he acted like a dork...but, asking such a simple question to try and prove Robin right or wrong - had turned the conversation sober faster than her head could keep up with.

Her lungs hurt; had she been breathing throughout the minutes passing? She couldn’t remember - dumbly taking a few gasps, her eyes wide and her hands shaking pulled to her chest. Y/N bit her lip and when she saw the anxiety and panic in Steve’s eyes...she melted.

“I-It took you long enough, Harrington,” she stammered, throwing her arms around his neck, her hat falling off in the process. He tensed at her touch until reality hit and he felt all the air escape his chest - finally sinking into her like he needed her to stand.

Y/N was basking in the moment; relishing the scent of his cologne (the classic Calvin Klein Eternity), the smell of a light floral blended with a woody amber clashed with Steve’s natural musk perfectly. It was comforting. It was absolutely intoxicating.

She hid her face in his shoulder while she felt the tickle of his breath in the crook of her neck. “I...I kinda always thought I’d end up with you too.”

Steve was silent at that, but slowly, slowly; he erupted into laughter. Laughing at himself for having been so scared all these years! After all that damn time...she’d felt the same way! Waiting probably just as long as him! Patiently waiting for Steve’s cowardly self to man up! After all this damn time...she had loved him too.

Robin was slow clapping, using a fake, posh accent to congratulate them. “Bravo, bravo! Steve finally grew a pair!” Y/N was laughing, the vibration of Harrington’s own excitement leaking into her reaction.

The freckled girl gasped, slapping her hands on the counter as she leaned out the shutters. “Dingus - you know what this means...right?” Steve’s face was blank, his arms tightly wound around Y/N still as he tried to figure out what Robin was referring to.

When it hit him, he gave this strangled noise of accomplishment. Harrington picked Y/N off her feet and swung her around a bit, clumsily knocking a few paper bowls to the ground (not that it wasn’t unusual for him to do something so senseless).

“I-It means I rock!” He gushed while placing Y/N to sit on the countertop, jumping around like a child. Just another reason Y/N had fallen in love with him...he never seemed to grow up fully, but she was okay with that...things never got old with Steve.

Robin nodded somberly, pulling the notorious chart back out and drawing on that one, single line that Harrington had been anticipating...

“Yes!” He shouted, not caring eyes from outside the shop were staring. “I finally did it! Fuck! In your face, Robin!” He leered with a bright smile. Buckley rolled her eyes.

“Mhm, don’t get ahead of yourself, dingus. You haven’t actually asked her out... I can take this victory away, you know?” Robin threatened while hovering a hand over the lone tally-mark.

The brunette whipped around, his hair tousled from his jumpiness. He stepped to Y/N quickly who had only been laughing at his interaction with Robin; taking her by surprise when he stood between her legs, hand cupping her face. Steve’s free arm snaked around her waist. His smile looked like it hurt, but Steve didn’t seem to mind.

“So...,” he started, enjoy the display of pink on Y/N’s beautiful features. His mind wandered back to their earlier competition and he bit his lip, trying to contain the satisfaction. “I won our little challenge...,” he drawled while pressing his forehead to hers.

Y/N sighed, rolling her eyes. She pinched his cheek and poked his side. “After all...that...you ruin the moment with this? Cocky much?”

“No, no, let me finish,” he chuckled, his brown eyes glistening with affection and adoration. “I have about twenty-five extra dollars to spend,” he explained,” Whaddya say to me treating you to a date? I mean...how else can I cheer you up? You must be so sad about losing to the likes of me.”

Y/N grinned. “Oh, but of course -- I don’t think I’ll ever recover from a loss like that...sighhhh...the only cure is...dinner and a movie?” Y/N expressed dramatically leaning back from his chest, a hand pulled to her forehead.

Steve pouted. “Wait...you just asked me on the date...I...I was supposed to ask you!” Y/N shrugged,” Does it matter?”

“Yes! It does matter! You can’t take this from me!” He cried while shaking his head and jutting his lip out.

Y/N snorted, shaking her head at how utterly adorable Steve was. “Fine...I take it back. No dinner and a movie.”

Silence followed.

“This was supposed to be more romantic, you know, but you fucking ruined it,” Harrington accused while laughing, his serious expression breaking.

Y/N scoffed, striking his chest. “Listen, Sailor Boy - if you weren’t such a moron yo--,” and then he kissed her.

It was soft, it as sweet, it was better than anything she’d ever imagined. Her arms circled his neck and his hand pulled Y/N’s face to his as close as humanly possible--

“We run a business, guys,” Robin reminded while gagging and flicking Steve in the forehead as she walked around the counter, trying to awkwardly apologize to a couple that neither Y/N nor Harrington noticed.

Steve helped her slide off the countertop, mumbling a hello to the customers. He looked to Y/N and smothered his amusement at her red face.

While Robin was serving the pair, Steve tried to be useful and helped Y/N fix their topping containers. “So,” he started, clearing his throat and closing the lid of rainbow sprinkles. “Let me try again.”

Y/N hummed, egging him on.

“Y/N - the girl of my dreams, the person I’ve had a crush on for five terrible years...Will you go on a date with me?” Steve asked, turning to face her with a soft smile. “Please?” He added quickly.

Y/N popped a chocolate-chip in her mouth, a small smirk playing on her pink lips. “I would love to go on a date with you, Steve. After all, you did say please.”

Steve didn’t regret breaking company policy...no...not at all.

--

a/n footer: I thought this request was sooo cute! <3 I hope it’s to your liking @billyhargrovescigarette :) I loveddddd writing it!

Tagged List: @novaddictx @mairalynn416 @wefracturedmotivation @truthdaze @xxcxrolinexx @savingprivatecass @emmalbg @timeladygallifrey @the-first-breath-of-autumn-air @billyhargrovescigarette @krystalane @truthdaze @neverlandsoundsgood @friendlyneighbourhoodmercenary @imarockstar145 @foryoubarnes @winchestergirl907 @anniethepanda @gwenebear @lavenderluvs @werdenkt @just-ladyme @un-deroos

[theimpossiblescheme]

The Last of the Fires

I didn’t think it was possible for me to be dragged even farther into Cyrano de Bergerac hell, but by God @nonchalantdanger found a way.  This alternate universe we’ve come up has already yielded some great results (I was already pretty proud of the first fic I wrote for it, and then reading the add-on... chills), so I thought I would take another whack at it.  This takes place a few hours after that add-on--the truth has come out, Cyrano and Roxanne have more than reconciled, and now Christian has to figure out his new place in the world... enjoy!

Another greasy campfire had been lit in the camp of the Gascony cadets, but this time they finally had something to cook over it.  Miraculously, Ragueneau was still pulling legs of lamb and whole partridges from his and Roxanne’s coach, which the soldiers accepted and devoured gleefully. Strains of old victory songs rang through the air, and at long last a few men could be heard to laugh.  Even de Guiche, sitting with a barely nibbled-at turkey breast by the fire, was smiling more than any of them had known him to smile. The relief of triumph over the Spanish was palpable, and it had touched everyone present, young and old.

Christian wished he could feel that relief so keenly.  Instead, sharp jabs of anxiety kept intruding, making it impossible for him to eat. He hadn’t seen Roxanne since he left her in the surgeon’s tent.  No doubt she’d talked to Cyrano… he couldn’t imagine what they might have said to each other, though.  Knowing Cyrano, he would deny everything—that he’d ever loved her, that he’d ever written a single letter, that he’d ever given Christian the smallest word to say—but Roxanne was in such a holy fury that Christian doubted very much that she would leave it at that.  Perhaps they’d spent the whole time arguing—that might explain her long absence, but it was hardly a comforting though.  Christian had seen both of them angry, and that was terrifying enough, but for them to be angry at each other… he’d never forgive himself for causing it.  Maybe he should have… no.  No, he was glad he’d said what he’d said.  It had hurt tremendously, but a greater hurt would be to stand in the way of their happiness.  The two people he cared for more than anyone else in the world.

Where that left him… he wasn’t sure yet.  But he supposed he’d find out in time.

The fire sputtered a bit, and Christian leaned forward to stir it back to life.  Through the flames, he could see a figure limping toward the camp, leaning heavily on an old walking stick.  Only when the figure turned in profile did Christian recognize him and smile in spite of himself.  Le Bret, though limping himself on his injured leg, turned away from one of the old supply wagons and raced toward him, pulling him into a fierce embrace.  After pulling apart, the two exchanged a few brief words, and Le Bret patted him on the shoulder before returning to his duties.  As he watched the figure grow closer, Christian felt his palms starting to sweat, the way they always did around… around her.  What would he say now?  What would he do?

Looking up, de Guiche’s lips curled in a small smirk, though this time it came without his usual contempt. “So you managed to survive after all, have you?”

Cyrano merely flashed him that dangerous grin before carefully lowering himself to sit nearby. “I had thought you would sound more disappointed.”

“Not necessarily.  Surprised, perhaps, given your endless barrage of gasconades just earlier today. You sounded quite content—excited, even—to die in battle.”

“Perhaps… but Providence has given me another task to complete.  I could hardly die leaving that great will so unsatisfied.”  Cyrano gave Christian a meaningful sideways look, and Christian felt a new chill run through him.  

“Mm.”  Peeling the skins away from the eaten parts of his turkey breast, de Guiche returned the rest of it to a nearby basket and stood, swiping a delicate hand over his ribbons.  “I must attend to what remains of our supplies.  See that this one stays out of trouble, Nuevillette.”  And he left the two men alone by the fire.

So.  “You have… spoken to Roxanne?” Christian ventured, balling his hands into fists and kneading them fitfully against his thighs.

“I have, yes.”

“And she said…?”

The slightest little disbelieving laugh huffed out of Cyrano as he struggled to repress a smile.  There was a look of… what could almost be described as peace in his eyes, a look Christian had never seen before.  “More than I could have dared to hope.”

“She loves you?”

“… Against all wisdom, against all possible odds… I would never have thought it possible unless I were to hear it from her lips.”  His expression changed as he looked back up at Christian.  “Though I fear she was rather uncharitable to you, my friend.”

“Why—what did she say?”

For what felt like far too long, Cyrano hesitated, gathering all his finely spun words into precisely the right web for the present moment.  “There was never a doubt in my mind,” he began, deliberately looking away and gazing toward the fire, “that your love for her, even in my borrowed declarations of the same, was sincere.  You were willing to give her up entirely, as I was, for her own happiness.  You say that I am your soul, but your own needs no embellishment of fine words and glib turns of phrase.  I decorate mine with small glories, but yours rings golden. And yet… she insisted, for my sake or for hers I cannot tell, that your marriage can be annulled.  That her love for you has cooled.  And I cannot help but think that rather unfair, after all you have done for her.”

Christian felt his hands twisting tighter.  He’d already cried once today, he couldn’t risk it again—not in front of Cyrano.  It was true, that same thought had crossed his mind. There were no witnesses to the marriage; it was unrecorded, uncelebrated, and unconsummated.  Throughout the siege, he’d entertained many a dream of returning home to Roxanne and curling up beside her under one blanket, finding her warm and willing… but no.  She would be making love to a shadow, and he would have to convince himself that she truly saw him every night, not some other man with a different voice.  Christian remembered that night under her balcony, her rapt silence as Cyrano practically sang to her in such words… he would never have thought of them himself, God knew, but they all rang so true.  “Your name is a golden bell hung in my heart.”  Perhaps he was a little in love with Cyrano’s words that night, too. He could feel that same bell pealing in his chest, crying the name of the woman he’d adored.

The woman he might never see again.

He forced a smile.  “Perhaps I should take a leaf out of your book. Learn to love from afar.”

“No.”  Cyrano’s voice was firm.  “I have endured that torture for as long as I can remember, even when we were children together.  There is no greater lingering pain than to love one who neglects or even refuses your very existence.  I would not wish that pain upon you.”

“I don’t want to stand in the way of your happiness, Cyrano.”

“And I have spent enough time hampering your own--”

“Stop.”  Christian ran a hand over his hair, fitfully pushing some of it back into his braid.  “I wanted to say this before, when the fighting first broke out... I don’t wish to be my own rival anymore.  And you have already given up so much for her.  You talk about being unfair to me, but neither of us have been fair to you.  She... she’s made her views perfectly clear, and if I--if I ever cared for her, I have to honor them.”  Roxanne was no prize for either of them to claim.  She had made her decision.  Both of them wanted her to be happy... it was as simple as that.

“But is this truly what you wish, Christian?”

“Yes.”  And he was surprised to find how much he meant it.  After everything the three of them had been through, somehow this felt inevitable.  Inevitable and only right.  This was as graceful an exit he could make on behalf of two people he loved in his own fashion.  “You... you have been my friend even when I have not treated you like one in return.  And I can’t lie to Roxanne any more than I already have.  Besides, she can’t marry two men.”

“Perhaps in a just world she might.”  It was Cyrano’s half-hearted attempt to lighten the mood, but his expression softened into something gentler as he clasped Christian’s shoulder.  “But in this one now, I promise you will love again.  You shall find someone who loves all that you are and not merely what you pretend to be.  Someone you will not feel the need to impress so constantly… you were placed in an unfair position from the very beginning, and I am sorry for it.  The love you deserve is safer and kinder than what you were granted.”

“Oh, I don’t regret any of it for a second,” Christian replied, shaking his head.  It occurred to him that neither of them had been so honest with each other before today, and it was almost embarrassing... and yet oddly freeing.  “This is--this is going to sound ridiculous, I know, and I’m sorry… but I don’t think I will ever be out of love with Roxanne.”

“No need to apologize.  In truth, I would never expect that. She is very easy to love, I’ve found.” A smile flickered back onto Cyrano’s face.  “Carry that torch if you must, my friend, but a day will come when you find it too heavy to bear, and you must set it down for another to bask in its glow.  And you will know that day that it no longer truly burns for her alone, and you shall be happy again.”

“...Do you really think that?”

“I do, or may I live another hundred years and never fight again.”

Christian considered his words.  Ever since that night in the theater, it seemed that Roxanne was the only woman in the world, but now... now the world had opened back up again.  And in so many words, Cyrano was urging him not to be afraid.  “I dearly hope you’re right…”  The idea of there being someone else out there in the world… as lovely as Roxanne, as brilliant, as spirited, but not quite as… well, intimidating.  Someone who could listen to Christian’s damned fool clumsy words and not turn him away… someone with whom he could be more than just a pretty face and a slow tongue… it seemed so inconceivable, a far-flung fantasy.  Yet Cyrano had said it with so much certainty.  And he’d feared almost the same thing, hadn’t he—that he was too ugly for any woman to love?  If he could be proven wrong… why not?  Yes, why not…?  “I should still like to speak to her before we leave.  If she will allow it, that is.”

“You shall have that chance, I promise you that as well. In the meantime…”  Planting his stick in the dirt before him and veering gently out of Christian’s reach, Cyrano rose slowly to his feet again.  “I promised Le Bret I would help organize our return to Paris.  You get some rest, and for pity’s sake eat something.”

“I will.  Thank you.”  Before he could stop himself, Christian’s hand shot out to catch Cyrano’s arm as he turned to go.  “I mean that… thank you.”  For understanding, for being there for so long, for giving him another chance... he could go on and on if only he could find the words.  Thankfully, Cyrano seemed to understand, nodding and giving Christian’s arm a brief squeeze of his own before limping off. Even on unsteady feet with shrapnel in his shoulder, the white plume of freedom floated above him, unspotted and ethereal.

Eventually the last of the campfire had guttered and stopped, and de Guiche had addressed his men one last time in the dark, detailing plans for their return to civilization and offering rather backhanded congratulations for their unlikely victory. Christian barely heard him—after the day he’d had, there was such a weariness in his bones that he could sleep for the next six years.  As everyone slumped back to their bedrolls and tents, Christian followed suit, unravelling his threadbare blanket from the cocoon he’d twisted it into the night before and pulling up his rucksack to use as a pillow.  But there was something laying over it: a note, folded three times. He unfolded it and read the familiar flowing script—obviously memorized and written down for posterity, and not for the first time.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds 

Admit impediments. Love is not love 

Which alters when it alteration finds, 

Or bends with the remover to remove. 

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark 

That looks on tempests and is never shaken; 

It is the star to every wand'ring bark, 

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. 

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks 

Within his bending sickle's compass come; 

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, 

But bears it out even to the edge of doom. 

If this be error and upon me prov'd, 

I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.

Christian couldn’t help but smile.  Leave it to his friend to find the right words, even if they weren’t his own. Folding the note back up again and tucking it away for safekeeping, he curled up under his blanket and finally let himself relax.

[flightfoot]

Many of the side character’s stories and development in Trials of Apollo mirror and support Apollo’s own development

One of the things I love about ToA is how many of the other characters’ stories, their situations, their development, mirrors and compliments Apollo’s own development, reinforcing the story of how Apollo changes from being a selfish, arrogant, shallow, apathetic person, to one of the most selfless, humble, aware, and empathetic people in the Riordanverse.

Meg Mccaffrey

Obviously Meg’s story is the one that mirrors Apollo’s the most. I’ve already talked about this in past analyses however, and it’s so blatantly obvious I don’t want to waste time making a point that I’m sure all my readers already know. Maybe I’ll make another analysis focusing on Meg later, but I’ll skip over her for now.

Calypso

Fairly superficial similarities here. Calypso is also a former immortal who’s learning to deal with the loss of her powers (though not TOTAL loss) and being thrown into the demigod world headfirst. The emotional core of their experiences is different though, since Calypso’s whole thing was that she was trapped on an island (albeit a nice one) under house arrest for thousands of years. Apollo wasn’t really trapped like that. Even saying he was METAPHORICALLY trapped is a bit of a stretch, Zeus doesn’t seem to have been to involved in the day-to-day business of what Apollo got up to.

Lityerses

This one IS fairly similar actually. Lityerses is controlled and manipulated by his father, and it sounds like he’s okay with that - like he’s as bloodthirsty as his father is.

“Right.” He regarded Calypso. “I think I’ll keep you alive long enough to kill you in front of Valdez’s face. That’ll be fun. But this former god here...” Lit shrugged. “I’ll just have to tell the emperor that he resisted arrest.” (TDP 152)

But there are hints that maybe there’s more going on there. His muttering of “I hate that” when Midas casually mentions accidentally turning Lit to gold in The Lost Hero, him being glad that Apollo gave his father donkey ears, his casual mistreatment by Commodus - all of it gives the clues that maybe there’s a REASON for his attitude, for his behavior.

What it does NOT do, however, is hint that Lit could be a better person. None of any of the heroes’ encounters with Lit actually suggests that. That’s a leap of faith that Apollo makes, hoping that MAYBE, just maybe, Lit will be a better person if someone gives him a chance. If someone shows him kindness, helps him when they have no good reason too. He identifies with Lit. The hidden depths that Apollo’s shown as a mortal... they wouldn’t be apparent to a casual observer of him as a god. Heck, APOLLO didn’t know they were there! He’s constantly surprised at himself, at the kind of person he is now, at the sort of things he’ll do. Apollo gives Lit the chance he wants people to give himself, the sort of chance that he didn’t even really realize he needed. Showing him - showing Apollo - showing Lit - that level of kindness, mercy, and concern, when there’s no ulterior motive, showing it just because this is another person, and they haven’t really done anything to ‘earn’ compassion beyond that simple fact - that threw both of them for a loop.

In Apollo’s case, he really started appreciating others compassion in THO, when his children took him in, treated him as family, cared for him, said they’d protect him against anyone who gave him trouble.

“If anyone gives you trouble, Kayla will shoot them. Then I’ll curse them so bad they’ll be speaking rhyming couplets for weeks.”

My eyes watered. Not so long ago - like this morning, for instance - the idea of these young demigods being able to help me would have been ridiculous. Now their kindness moved me more than a hundred sacrificial bulls. I couldn’t recall the last time someone had cared about me enough to curse my enemies with rhyming couplets.

“Thank you.” I managed. I could not add “my children”. These demigods were my protectors and my family, but for the present I could not think of myself as their father. A father should do more - a father should give more to his children than he takes. I have to admit this was a novel idea for me. It made me feel even worse than before. (115)

It makes a difference here that his kids are helping him when he couldn’t offer anything back. If he’d still been a god, he wouldn’t have given their help much thought. He would’ve just thought that he was entitled to it, and that it’s not like he’d REALLY need them anyway. But this? This is different. They’re helping him just because they care - it’s not anything transactional. Apollo isn’t used to thinking about relationships this way - not for the most part anyway. His relationships with Artemis and Leto are solid, and he seems to have genuinely cared for Hyacinthus, genuinely loved him as a person, and cared for Asclepius quite a bit, but aside from that? Not so much. Certainly not caring about someone who’s practically a stranger.

This set an example for Apollo, one that he carries forwards to Lit. Lit also has never been shown this sort of kindness before, kindness when he’s at his most vulnerable, compassion without an expectation of a return, and most especially, compassion when he’s given Apollo and the Waystation residents every reason to reject him. And that compassion is enough to cause him to break down, to rethink his whole stance on life. Seemingly overnight, he changes from being the brutal, cruel killer who would murder Calypso in front of Leo just to hurt him that much more, to being a lost person just looking for something or someone to live for, to fight for. And having found it, he suddenly softens, becoming kinder, more balanced. 

But it’s not really an overnight change, is it? This other side has always existed, it’s just been hidden under layers of bravado and cruelty. That’s why both Lit and Apollo are able to change their mindsets so quickly - not all the aspects of what they’ve learned is truly “new”, they just haven’t applied them like this before, or not for a long time. Apollo’s experienced these sorts of caring relationships with Leto and Artemis at least, so they’re not totally a foreign concept. I’m betting in Lit’s case that he and his sister, at least at one point in time, did truly care about each other. The difference is seeing it applied more broadly to themselves by people who don’t already know them well, and then applying it to others that same way in turn.

Piper

Piper’s whole identity crisis has similarities to Apollo’s own. She was thrown into a situation where people expected certain things of her, and she just kinda... conformed to them. Which isn’t to say that she might not have chosen them herself on her own, but she didn’t really get that choice. Now that she has the time and has had a chance to think, she’s trying to find herself, figure out who she is. Her dad being financially ruined throws a wrench into it, but both of them returning to their roots, her father seemingly having more time to spend with her - those aspects are familiar. Apollo’s now figuring out who he is, now that he doesn’t have “being a god” to define him, along with everything else associated with that. His having his godhood stolen, and only now spending time really getting to know his kids and his demigod half-siblings, along with many, many others, is like how Piper’s dad now has time to spend with her, time he didn’t have before - a silver lining in this whole mess. 

Apollo’s advice to Piper seems to be talking about himself nearly as much as it’s talking about Piper.

“It’s been my observation,” I said, “that you humans are more than the sum of your history. You can choose how much of your ancestry to embrace. You can overcome the expectations of your family and your society. What you cannot do, and should never do, is try to be someone other than yourself - Piper McLean.” (265)

With how Apollo’s grown throughout the series and ESPECIALLY in TTT, this fits him as well. Apollo is more than the sum of his history, of what he has done, of what has been established by the older gods. He can choose how much of his past - and his family - to embrace, and overcome the expectations of his family, both godly and mortal, and of godly society. And he will do it by being himself, his WHOLE self, including the parts of his being that he’s been nurturing as a mortal, the compassionate, empathetic parts of himself.

Jason

Jason is a little different, because I don’t think his development, his situation parallels Apollo’s CURRENT situation, so much as Apollo’s future development. His willingness to sacrifice himself, to be the one who dies so that his friends can survive, wanting to keep secret about the prophecy so that Piper doesn’t try to stop him, so that hopefully he can keep her safe, even if it means merrily walking to his own death.... I’m expecting Apollo to get into a similar situation in TON. Though there are elements of that he’s already lived through, since he ALREADY chose Meg’s life over his own in TDP, and in TTT, he tried to conceal and downplay just how badly he was hurt to try to stop Meg from worrying as much.

Frank

Frank carries his mortality - the stick that’s attached to his life force - around with him. He’s decided that in order to lead the Legion effectively, he has to put one hundred percent of himself on the line. He can’t let fear hold him back. 

Apollo’s mortality is also on the line all the time. Originally he wanted to hide away, to cower behind others so as not to die (not that he actually tended to go THROUGH with it, either because he couldn’t or he wasn’t willing to abandon them) but now? Now he doesn’t even try. He wants to live, that’s true. But he values his companion’s lives more. He won’t hesitate to put himself on the line, to commit himself completely if he believes that it gives them a greater chance of survival.

The greater parallel however comes later, with Apollo’s hypothesis for how Frank survived his stick burning up. He believes that maybe since Frank took charge of his own destiny by willingly sacrificing himself, that he was freed from his old destiny and forged a new one:

“It’s just a guess,” I admitted. “Frank went into that tunnel knowing he might die. He willingly sacrificed himself for a noble cause. In doing so, he broke free of his fate. By burning his own tinder, he kind of… I don’t know, started a new fire with it. He’s in charge of his own destiny now. Well, as much as any of us are. The only other explanation I can think of is that Juno somehow released him from the Fates’ decree.” (393)

I don’t know how plausible this explanation is. Honestly, it kinda sounds like BS to me, especially since Jason did the same thing and HE died. But what’s important here is what APOLLO thinks happened. His explanation says as much about him as it does about what he thinks happened with Frank.

Breaking free of your fate by accepting, by EMBRACING your own mortality, putting everything on the line, sacrificing yourself completely in order to have a shot of stopping your friends from being hurt or killed... it’s similar to what happened with Jason, but with the added twist that Frank survived and started a new story, free of his previous destiny.

The destiny thing is really important. As a god, Apollo’s not ‘supposed’ to be able to change or mature. The gods seem to believe that their nature is more set in stone than mortals are. But Apollo has disproven that. He’s changed a lot, and has continued to change. He’s forging his own destiny, one different than he ever imagined it could be. And maybe, just maybe, one that Zeus won’t have control over. One that’s truly his own.

Don the Faun

Don has only a small role, but what Apollo says about him - what he thinks about him - says a lot.

“Hey, Apollo, you- you know the difference between a faun and a satyr…?”

[…]

A moment later, his body collapsed with a noise like a relieved sigh, crumbling into fresh loam. In the spot where his heart had been, a tiny sapling emerged from the soil. I immediately recognized the shape of those miniature leaves. Not a hemlock. A laurel - the tree I had created from poor Daphne, and whose leaves I had decided to make into wreaths. The laurel, the tree of victory.

One of the dryads glanced at me. “Did you do that…?”

I shook my head. I swallowed the bitter taste from my mouth.

“The only difference between a satyr and a faun,” I said, “is what we see in them. And what they see in themselves. Plant this tree somewhere special.: I looked up at the dryads. “Tend it and make it grow healthy and tall. This was Don the faun, a hero.” (398-399)

Here, Apollo’s noting that the difference between satyrs and fauns are purely societal. That there’s no inherent difference between them. Like the difference between gods and mortals, mentally, isn’t that different. Gods may be more powerful, but they’re still people, like mortals are. The differences between them, psychologically, have more to do with how society sees them, and how they see themselves. Having had his godhood stripped away, this is very apparent to Apollo. Because he’s still himself. A better version of himself, in fact, but that has nothing to do with him being mortal - not in and of itself. But with the things he’s learned as a mortal. He can be a hero, truly. Because he is just as capable of such things as any mortal.

Reyna

And lastly, there’s Reyna. She too, like Frank and Don previously, broke free from expectations to forge her own path. 

“My whole life, I’ve been living with other people’s expectations of what I’m supposed to be. Be this. Be that. You know?”

[…]

“But you showed me. When you proposed dating…” She took a deep breath, her body shaking with silent giggles. “Oh, gods. I saw how ridiculous I’d been. How ridiculous the whole situation was. That’s what healed my heart - being able to laugh at myself again, at my stupid ideas about destiny. That allowed me to break free - just like Frank broke free of his firewood. I don’t need another person to heal my heart. I don’t need a partner… at least, not until and unless I’m ready on my own terms. I don’t need to be force-shipped with anyone or wear anybody else’s label. For the first time in a long time, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. So thank you.” (405-406)

Reyna thought that she was supposed to find a partner. Everyone else thought she needed a partner - needed romantic healing. Until Lester asked her out. Until she saw how ridiculous it was to let others expectations - or curses, or whatever you’d call Venus’s little prophecy - control her life.

Apollo has a similar thing going on with letting expectations about what he’s supposed to do, about who he’s supposed to be, control what he does - or did, at least. I’ve gone over that already, so I’ll skip past that.

But the romantic angle? About thinking - or having others think - that she needs to be healed romantically? That also falls in line with Apollo’s development. Apollo’s had a LOT of romantic relationships, and a decent number of them have ended in disaster. He seems to be convincing himself that some romance will “fix” things, like with how he convinced himself that getting together with the Cumaean Sibyl would fix things:

But that wasn’t enough for me. I was smitten. I convinced myself it was love - the one true romance that would wash away all my past missteps. I wanted the Sibyl to be my partner throughout eternity. As the afternoon went on, I coaxed and pleaded. (131)

But he wasn’t in love with her, not truly, or his love wouldn’t have turned to hate so fast when she refused him. He just really WANTED it to be a shining romance, one that would finally fix things.

He actually does seem to be finding this sort of fulfillment now, but not with romantic relationships - with more platonic, familial relationships instead, such as with Meg.

I’d always wondered what it would be like to have a younger sibling. Sometimes I’d treated Artemis as my baby sister, since I’d been born a few minutes earlier, but that had been mostly to annoy her. With Meg, I felt as if it was actually true. I had someone who depended on me, who needed me around no matter how much we irritated each other. I thought about Hazel and Frank and the washing away of curses. I supposed that kind of love could come from many different types of relationships. (192)

I don’t think he’s realized it yet, but in a way, Meg seems to be “washing away” his curse of loneliness, of feeling empty. Taking care of her, connecting with her, bantering with her - this is what he needed. To be a protector. To be a friend. Romance is fine, but they’re not the only fulfilling sorts of relationships. 

Honestly with Reyna and Piper both taking a break from romance in order to find themselves, I think that Apollo may lay off the romance for a bit after ToA’s over, work on his more platonic relationships instead. I don’t think he’d swear it off, but maybe look for something more steady than he was before. And with the experiences he’s had as a mortal, I think he could better recognize truly serious love versus a temporary infatuation.

Final Thoughts

I really love how focused this series is on developing Apollo! A lot of aspects of this series seem geared to do that, from who the antagonists are and how they act, to the storylines of the side characters. It allows a level of development for Apollo that’s deeper and more nuanced than with any of Rick’s previous protagonists, even Percy. I look forward to seeing how Rick will conclude his development. If his writing for Apollo in TON is as solid as for previous entries, I’m sure it will be worth the wait.