#challenging behavior

[antonsautismlife]

I saw this post in an autism Tumblr community. I wanted to answer in a post because it's better for me than in a comment. I asked the person if I'm allowed to do it. The person allowed it, but I should censor the name and the pfp. So, now I make this post.

I'm a 17 years old boy with MSN (moderatesupportneeds) autism. I will turn 18 on April the 5th.

I was also scared of becoming an adult. It started when I was 11-12 years old. I didn't felt like other tweens, and I was scared that people would be more judging about that I like to play with toys when I'm an adult. That feeling became more and more until 15 - 16.

I'm officially severely disabled and in need of care since I'm 9 years old which was shortly after my autism diagnosis. My care needs were and also are significantly more than it would be normal for my age. I also have a lot of challenging behavior which also makes my official care needs categorization higher. Until 12 I absolutely don't realized how severely disabled I was. With 12 I realized it a little bit. With 15 I realized it fully but I tried to forget it in many phases because it was hard to accept that I never will be able to life on my own or work a job. Having issues to accept my disability also was a reason why I was scared to become an adult. I was an age dreamer at that time. It was helpful to imagine I would be 5 years old because my care needs would be normal for that age.

With nearly 17 and 17, I learned to accept my severe disability. Being an adult also became just a number (the number 18) for me and not a behavior or something similar.

Now I'm not scared of becoming and adult anymore. I life in a care home for disabled adults (and 16-17 year olds) since April 25th, 2024. My mom visits me often. Every few weeks, she goes to a toy store with me. I buy fidgettoys and also other toys. I don't really think much about what others in the toy store think about me. My mom also told me around 1 year ago that most people who see me in stores can see that I have a developmental disability. I know that not many things will change when I turn 18. I will need a legal guardian in some areas (in the Austrian system of legal guardianship people don't have a legion guardian in all areas when they only need one in some areas unless they say they want it in all areas). I'm even happy to become an adult because when I'm 18 and have an extreme meltdown and need to get brought the the psychward by the police it won't be the paediatric psychward anymore and in adult psychwards you are allowed to keep your phone. Many people who were in paediatric and adult psychwards also say their experience in adult psychwards was mostly better. So now 18 is just a number for me without much change.

I'm not really an age dreamer anymore I play with toys when I like to but I don't age dream anymore or really really seldom but I definitely think people should age dream / age regress if it's helpful for them.

I don't know the support needs of the person who wrote this text, but because the community isn't especially for higher support needs autistics, the person probably has low support needs compared to other autistics. (Sorry if it's wrong) I know that many autistics feel the way described the text, but I luckily don't feel this way anymore. I told my story in that post, but I know the experience of becoming an adult of lower support needs autistics is different.

[bunclops616]

y’know what time it is…

ATTITUDE🗣️‼️‼️

Now walk off 😎

[helenvaughans]

[schizopositivity]

It's always "this is the neurodivergent website!" until schizo-spec/psychotic people tell you not to use the terms that describe our symptoms as adjectives, and not to use memes that were specifically made to trigger us and then it's "it's just a joke! Stop being so sensitive! I think it's funny! Just don't be on the internet then idk"

[bayetea]

it's so cute to me that frank had a crush on hazel since the beginning because what really was it that frank liked about her back then. like yeah she's nice and she's pretty and sometimes romantic attraction really is that simple but I like to think about how hazel was just so creepy and depressed back then. like she was passing out randomly (her blackouts) and trying to play it off like it was nothing and accidentally summoning gems out of the ground when she got nervous and screaming when people tried to pick them up because they were cursed and she wasn't getting anyone's modern references and she would have had old-fashioned gestures and sensibilities and she was trying her best to Act like a normal person whilst haunted nonstop by a pervasive sense of dread and alienation from those around her. she must have been So strange. she was masquerading as a Moden Alive Girl instead of the undead ghoul from the 1930s that she really was with enough emotional baggage to capsize a cruise ship

and frank was just kind of into that??? there must have been so many distinctly unnerving and bizarre aspects of that girl's behavior and he's just like Omg.... . her vibes are Terrible. god I want her

[duusheen]

Sterling is back at work now his medical leave is over, so Hope is a little sad not to have her husband home with her—but now she has Pandora, who's a bit more willing to spend more than five minutes with her in the same room. It's progress, I guess 😌

[soft-pine]

when i think about this scene from 15.15 it makes me want to chew glass and tear up the walls in rage.

AMARA: I wanted two things for you, Dean. I wanted you to see that your mother was just a person, that the myth you'd held onto for so long of a better life, a life where she lived, was just that, a myth. I wanted you to see that the real, complicated Mary was better than your childhood dream because she was real. That now is always better than then. That you could finally start to accept your life.

for the record i want to say i am a known amara-hater. don't like the non-con shit. don't like that she's doing what so many beings in spn do and narrativizing dean's life back at him while judging him because she drew the wrong conclusions. but i think fandom does have a tendency to take those claims at face value because that is easier than combing back through to check if it's correct or not. (see for example, rachel saying dean only calls cas when he needs him in 6.18. narrativizing, incorrectly. but i digress)

so let's talk about mary. because, through the seething rage, i think two main things about this claim. 1. dean does not have this mythos around mary and 2. mary has arguably more of that mythos around dean.

first off, we'll tackle the claim that it's a myth that if mary hadn't died, dean wouldn't have a better life. because that is absolute, utter, dogshit. OF COURSE HE'D HAVE A BETTER LIFE. while i will always maintain that clearly mary and john were far from stable before she died, her death was what speared john forward into hunting, into turning his kids into soldiers, into neglect and parentifying, and every other god forsaken thing he did. "a better life, a life where she lived, was just that, a myth" - girl, i DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE DIVINE, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

like please don't come here acting like dean grieving the future he could have had that didn't include him taking care of his younger brother alone in motel rooms for days while maybe actually being left as bait for the Kid-Eater is a character flaw on his part that he needs to learn better from.

next, amara claims dean needs to see the "real, complicated Mary."

but hasn't he? dean goes back in time and meets his mom in 4.03 and 5.13. and both times he treats her both as a competent hunter and a colleague. like to be clear, before that, i dont think he was wrong to be relying on a four-year-old's memory of what his mom was like because that's literally all he had access to. but dean actually did meet and interact with the whole, complex woman who was his mother long before amara decided to teach him a lesson with her as the homework. in both 4.03 and 5.13, dean tries to give mary advice to save her life but he doesn't belittle her experience hunting or her desire to leave and life a normal life. i don't know what more you want from him in terms of interacting with his mom as a whole, real, complex person?

this also applies wholly and completely to his interactions with her when she returns in s12. he apologizes for being nervous for her safety (AFTER SHE WAS JUST RESSURECTED) at first. mary says she wants to hunt, dean gets on board. mary says she needs space, dean asks clarifying questions to best support her request. he gets mad at her not for being who she is or needing what she needs but for lying to him for months and working with people who tortured him and sam.

in fact, s12 is what i would point to to indicate how well dean articulates and navigates the nuance of being hurt by someone's actions while still understanding and empathizing with why they did it and forgiving them. for example, he says this in 12.04

DEAN: This whole mom thing, it's... I mean, we get her back, and then she leaves. I hate it, but I get it. I do. I guess I'm just...still working through some of that crap. I'll try to be less of a dick about it.

[you're not a dick, dean, ilu]

in fact, dean's much maligned "how 'bout for once, you just try to be a mom?" isn't even about dean wanting anything particularly maternal from mary. it's about him not wanting her to ditch them to hunt alone and/or with the aforementioned torturers.

so circling back to amara's speech about expectations and myths. cause while her words do not apply to dean. amara's speech does remind me of something that happens upon mary's return in s12. these lines from 12.03:

DEAN: Mom, it's okay. All right? You're home now. MARY: No. I'm not. I miss John. I miss my boys. SAM: We're right here, mom. MARY: I know. In my head. But I'm still mourning them as I knew them. My baby Sam. My little boy Dean. Just feels like yesterday, we were together in heaven, and now...I'm her, and John is gone, and they're gone. And every moment I spend with you reminds me every moment I lost with them.

of course she has every right to grieve the time she lost with her kids. but someone in this room is having trouble really looking at the people in front of them because of their idealized memory of who they were compared to are and It Is Not Dean.

and i just think about dean's speech in 12.22. cause it wasn't dean that needed to see the real mary. it was mary, tucked away in her dream world where sam is a baby and dean is a little elementary schooler who likes pie and has never held a gun, who needed to see the real dean.

[mochiajclayne]

I think Law knows the level of Luffy's craziness as he witnessed it first account at the Auction House when he punched the Celestial Dragon but what he wasn't prepared for was the benevolence, specifically, Law couldn't wrap his head on the part where Luffy's actions end up unintentionally helping a lot of people. To witness the juxtaposition of a pirate liberating countries to repay a simple favor for someone who happened to give him food, it's insane.

[antonsautismlife]

Feeling bad because of not exerting myself & about discontinuing the antidepressant

☹️💭💊❌️

The last days were okay to good. I had relatively bad but also good days and each day consisted of good and bad things.

Due to discontinuing the antidepressant I have less executive dysfunction and psychosomatic movement issues. That's good on one side but it also causes some issues on the other side.

🙂↘️

It causes a bit fear of care needs changes and sometimes in addition with other things a bad feeling too because I don’t try to be as independent as possible like I did it in some phases in 2023.

On one side I know that being as independent as possible is harmful for my mental health and it also would make taking care of me harder. Even I would need a bit less help with AIDLS and ADLs it would cause more Meltdowns and other challenging behavior.

☹️♿️↘️😭↗️

I also have imposter syndrome in connection with it that I wouldn't have MSN and just don't exert myself. Theoretically I know I can not be really more independent for long time. I could be more independent on some days but it also would lead to more challenging behavior.

🤥⏳️♿️↘️❌️

I also sometimes feel bad because people would see not exert me as "destroying" myself. I mean I'm laying a lot time of the day and I'm also not as independent as possible and people also would see it as the false decision that I stopped taking the antidepressant because it reduces some symptoms but they don't know what's going on in my mind and for me life is okay like it is. Although I know that they don't know it thinking about it let's feel me bad.

☹️🚶🏾‍♀️💭🏚

I also have more stress because of discontinuing the antidepressant and stress is psychological pain but in the last days I found mostly relatively good ways to deal with it. In general I would say discontinuing the antidepressant causes more bad moments but also more good moments. It's like I expected it.

💊❌️☹️🙂↗️

[cctinsleybaxter]

Per this suggestion, Conclave + We R Who We R

{YouTube version}

[dumortains]

ngl A 'agency ass kisser' du mortain not giving a fuck about rebecca here was kinda hot <3

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

I had sort of thought Kanaya's teasing and bullying towards Eridan for wanting to get back together with Vriska may have been an extension of her jealousy towards him that even someone like Eridan could get Vriska's attention, albeit in pitch feelings. As Kanaya was desperate to have a flushed relationship with her. She even cuts of Tavros' legs just AFTER she had seen him kiss Vriska. However, it was Vriska who initiated the kiss, not the bronzeblood himself. Kanaya puts Vriska that high up that she would overlook any behaviors. Only mediating if it means she could have a chance to get close to Vriska while not being open about her real feelings towards her. Which was something Eridan called Kanaya out in their first pesterlog together.

i personally don't read THAT much petty malice in her actions; i think she's mostly just a bit of a doormat, as Space players tend to be. while her retaliation against tavros (basically cutting him out despite being friends with him) IS unwarranted and motivated by jealousy, cutting off his legs is framed as a misguided attempt to be helpful (in fact, one of the potential reasons hussie throws out for why kanaya does this is to enable vriska one last time, by "erasing" one of her biggest asshole moves). as hussie points out, it's not ever really made clear whether or not tavros WANTED the help, so it still doesn't reflect very well on kanaya, but given she goes to Actual Murder when she wants revenge, i don't think "revenge" was quite her motive with "helping" tavros walk again.

let's remember that kanaya's core defining character flaw is "enabler," which ties in with both her Sylph class AND Space aspect, for a double whammy of enabling. even though she clearly has nothing but disdain towards eridan, she never just blocks him and moves on (which is what nearly everyone else on the meteor does), and even ultimately makes him his wand.

while she grapples with this tendency of hers, outright admitting it to be a flaw to rose and eventually getting fed up with eridan, gamzee, and even rose herself, she never fully resolves or confronts this tendency head-on, nor takes any accountability for the people she's helped fuck over. just another character in a long list who never fully completed their arcs.

[magpie-trove]

Unfortunately I am a disappointment to Jane Austen. I would fall for a charming man. Not because I believed him, but because a man who said such insanely conceited things that he himself barely believes them would be entertaining to spend time with. I would walk in with my eyes open because I like to be entertained

[dykedvonte]

Someone said this already but I’ll point it out again that Jimmy is an unreliable narrator and a manipulator that spins and alters the narrative/tone of every scene he’s in with each character.

This sentence also applies to Curly.

Too many people are taking how Jimmy talks to Curly and how Curly is actually responding at face value when between Anya and Curly he is again the second most affected by his presence. This is to say he changes how he is acting drastically when dealing with Jimmy in a more similar way Anya does than people are willing to admit.

[rogueacolyte]

controversial but these two are the same in my mind

[shakingparadigm]

okay but seriously all jokes aside I really do understand ivan. like having a schedule so packed and busy is so insanely draining no matter how long you've conditioned yourself to endure it. sacrificing certain things like lunch or sleep just to gain the slightest bit more time for yourself is something that feels almost essential to keeping yourself together and not feeling like you're losing yourself in the cycle completely. it's like its own little act of rebellion in a way, something along the lines of you can drown me in work and monotony but I'll keep carving these little spaces of time for what little I have for myself, even if I have to carve them out of my own chest. I will sacrifice parts of myself to ensure that I don't fully succumb to whatever you're trying to make me into. I am human, this is the proof, I will make time even if it ruins me. you know?? yeah. you get it