#clint and his brothers makes me WEEP

[movedto-mastcrmarksman]

*hugs him like THAT*

@darehearts jim's the best; iowan alliance stands strong

A BIG BREATH IS DRAWN IN, one that expands his chest to the fullest capacity; no more air could possibly be drawn in. An OMFPH leaves his lips at the brunt force that sends him leaning forward. A warmth settles against his backside, between his shoulder blades, and then there is a weight at his shoulder. CLINT KNOWS THE WEIGHTS NAME. Words are at the tip of his tongue about to chide the Captain not to get any drool on his shoulder.

However, his words die in his throat when an arm goes over his other shoulder and the other goes around his arm. Jim's got good arms, he knows he's gotten him to work out with Clint whose probably twice as much as others. They are strong, and they pull right around him. The one arm that traps his arm squeezes so tight that he thinks Kirk's hand may crush a rib.

The hug that he is pulled in kills all jokes on his tongue, going still as he can. Shoulders relax and his hands go up. One to hold onto Kirk's elbow and his right hand clasps over the hand across his chest. Instead of letting his BROTHER go; he holds him him there. Jim's not allowed to stop now, the tightness at which he squeezes feels dizzyingly good. Another breath is taken in, long since accepting his need for this kind of affection shared; although it's not lost on him why Jim was hugging him in the first place.

❝ It's alright, buddy, told you nothing to worry about. ❞ Clint is still not letting go, taking the moment to just breath and let the adrenaline rush wear. A few pats to Kirk's hand, then he's clasping it tight. ❝ I had it; got all of you. ❞ The hug is definitely helping with his own internal anxieties; thinks he could maybe ask Jim to hug him like this on other days or when its all shades of grey?

Kirk's definitely not being let go of anytime soon yet. ❝ Your faith in me never fails. ❞ Clint says a little softer, barely a whisper because that's what friends and brothers were. Belief in the other gave strength.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 131

Frontierland/Flesh and Stone

“Frontierland”

Plot Description: Sam and Dean are sent back in time to the Wild West so they can meet Samuel Colt and asking for his help in defeating Eve

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: I don’t think I’d find myself in 1860s Wyoming…much less in a shootout there

I literally cannot with this show sometimes. WE UNSANK AND RESANK THE TITANIC YESTERDAY. CAN WE LEAVE THE TIME TRAVEL TO THE LAST OF THE TIME LORDS PLEASE. Like…remember when, aside from the existence of monsters, this show had any roots in reality? It’s still fun as…well, hell is demonstrably NOT fun. But it is solidifying itself as the “put that guy in situations” show

Y’all are both some NERDS (affectionate). Geeking out about having access to Samuel Colt’s journal. Also the fact that Dean knows as much as he does about Star Trek????? Hello??

Is she (the angel Cas sent) wrong though?? Do they not only call Cas when they need something??? While he’s fighting a war in heaven??? I get they can’t exactly reciprocate helping him out but damn

Dean 🤝 Sokka: older brothers who enjoy three things: meat, sarcasm, and shopping. Dean just went on a whole spree for their 24 hour trip to 1860s Wyoming

Oh…this isn’t going at all how you planned. You were so excited to be in the old west, and then you get immediately made fun of

You could have been anyone. You could have been just yourself, but you had to go and be Clint Eastwood, didn’t you? And then made Sam Walker Texas Ranger, which is…wild to hear in 2023 from whenever this episode aired

Can’t tell if the guy the town hanged was the phoenix because he told the people physically close to him they’d all burn for this or if that was a blatant red herring

I was right. It was just foreshadowing. At the same time, the commitment this show has to making monsters look like just some guy…

Sam, Dean’s having a hard time with not fitting in here, let him have his “posse magnet” and “I love posse” jokes just got now

Aw not Rachel. I liked her…oh god, Cas. Noooo.

Dean’s the sheriff now??

Somehow, Sam was the right person to send to go get Samuel Colt, but in the weirdest way possible. Like, told him he was from 2011 and then handed over his iPhone or whatever as proof

Good thing Castiel came to with an hour left in the boys’ excursion

Excuse me?? What have you two been doing for almost a full hour?? There’s two minutes left, your conversation about how the only way to heal Castiel enough so he can go retrieve the boys was to touch Bobby’s soul only took a couple minutes.

There really are too many people ACTUALLY burning to death in the shows I watch. It’s not fair to me personally.

Love it when they do something for a whole episode and it’s seemingly for absolutely nothing

Ah yes. The classic surprise delivery from the past trope. The “this has been sitting around the post office for so long we thought it was a joke. It’s real??”

“Been On My Mind…”: No. 3?

"Flesh and Stone"

Plot Description: The Doctor and his friends are forced to escape through the forest vault after they are surrounded by the Weeping Angels.

The Doctor keeps telling them to not take their eyes of the Angels, and what do they keep on doing?? NOT LOOKING AT THE ANGELS

(I really need to stop waiting so long to watch this...because...it's just not good for my ability to pay attention, not that there's a lot to comment on yet. They're just running from the Angels)

...I don't remember why Amy keeps counting down...

Oh, Amy, if you think a forest on a spaceship is cool, wait til you see DINOSAURS on a spaceship

Fuck...the Angels are making Amy do the count down because its FUN for them. Goddamn.

I'd be acting so much more scared than Amy is in her position. She has to rely on everyone else to not blink while she's not allowed to open her eyes. She's been left by the Doctor again, and not even River can stay with her.

It's a beautiful shot, but it's also so sad...Amy, completely abandoned in the forest, not able to open her eyes, and the Angels trying to close in. Every time she tries to get someone to stay, they leave.

How did Eleven get the reputation of being the silly goofy Doctor?? The way he has scarily yelled in just about every episode so far…

The angels were scarier when we never saw them move.

Well that’s taken care of the angels and the wall crack……..for now

I do love the pandorica stuff…those are some really good episodes

“If you like” is probably the best response to “can I trust you?” I just really love River

I just…really don’t love that last scene between Amy and the Doctor 😐

[srgntjamesbuckybarnes]

Buck & Doe (6)

Summary: Natasha attempts to take down Dreykov, who is mind controlling Black Widows. In her quest she recruits Y/N, a former Black Widow turned science experiment. Bucky and Natasha share a history in the Red Room but his life might be intertwined with more than one Widow. The closer they get to taking down Dreykov, the more secrets come to light.

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of needles and blood

Word Count: 1.2k

A/N: Not Beta’d

Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter

Chapter 6

“Can you tell me your name?”

Y/N’s eyes darted around the room in search of an answer. Many of the words she found were medical terms she wouldn’t dare attempt to pronounce. The doctor turned towards her, the light catching on the plastic tag pinned to the doctor’s white lab coat. Above her left breast read Dr. Barnes printed clear as day on the name tag. Barnes. It was nice, simple.

“Barnes,” Y/N said.

“That’s my name,” Rebecca laughed lightly, tapping her name tag in the process. “Though I don’t mind sharing the last name, I need your name.”

Y/N let out a whine in frustration. Her head lolled to the side. She couldn’t move. The weight of the rusted metal securing the leather belts kept her still.

Rebecca frowned as the young girl weakly struggled on the metal table.

“It’s just a security measure. They said the serum made you stronger.” Rebecca’s voice trailed off at the end running her fingers over the leather straps lost in her own thoughts.

Captain America. Steven Grant Rogers. Rebecca remembered her brother’s sweet yet determined friend fondly. Everyone knew him as a hero, as the man who won the war. Rebecca knew him as her brother’s gentleman friend who fought for the girls and the little guys, even if he didn’t always win. There had never been another Steve Rogers, not after the serum and certainly not before.

Rebecca weeped the day Bucky was drafted, the day Steve left taking away her last part of Bucky, the day her brother’s small friend became Captain America, the day she heard of Bucky’s capture, the day two military men showed up with a folded flag on her doorstep to announce Bucky’s death, and the day the war was over, the day the world lost Captain America and her last attachment to Bucky.

Y/N stared up at the doctor daydreaming above her.

“It’s okay if you don’t remember your name.” Rebecca glanced down smiling at Y/N's doe eyed stare. “We’ll call you Jane Doe for now.”

Something cold and wet brushed Y/N’s bare shoulder.

“After everything,” Rebecca waved her left hand in the air for emphasis, “when you’re out there saving the world. I hope you do use the name Barnes.”

Having been distracted by the tears in Rebecca’s eyes, Y/N hadn’t noticed Rebecca’s right hand held a needle, nor had she noticed when it pierced her skin.

“Ouch!”

“Sorry,” Bruce mumbled.

“I’m not,” Tony announced, snatching the syringe full of blood from Bruce. Natasha side eyed Tony as he danced around the lab. “What? It’s for science.”

“Science isn’t always on our side.” Bruce rubbed the back of his neck.

Tony waved Bruce off. “If you didn’t make a mistake then we wouldn’t have the jolly green giant.”

Natasha crossed her arms giving Tony a pointed look. “And if you two didn’t mess with science, we wouldn't have had to deal with Ultron.”

Tony rolled his eyes as Bruce bowed his head in shame.

“Send Barnes down here for some tests will ya?” Tony asked, trying to get rid of Natasha.

Natasha turned to Y/N sitting on the table still rubbing her sore arm.

“Clint and I are heading out to scope out the entrances to Department X and the Winter Soldier Program-”

“Why aren’t you taking Barnes?” Tony interrupted.

Bruce danced around Tony trying to work around him.

“He’s too reckless right now besides he's needed here.” Natasha glanced down at the hand clutching her own.

“Is he-”

A whistle directed everyone's attention to the doorway.

“Nat, you ready?” Clint called adjusting his bow and quiver on his back.

Natasha nodded, turning back to Y/N to squeeze her hand. “He’ll be fine. He just needs some time.”

They weren’t best friends but Y/N really hoped she hadn’t screwed up the budding friendship between her and the soldier. 

“I’ll let Bucky know he’s needed.” Natasha called over her shoulder as she retreated from the lab. Clint gave everyone a tight-lipped smile before following her.

Silence occupied the lab as Y/N watched the two Avengers work.

“So,” Y/N began swinging her feet off the edge of the table. “Clint has a bow and arrows, what do you two do?”

Tony scoffed, “I’m Iron Man.”

That meant nothing to Y/N. She wasn’t sure what an Iron Man was, but she knew it must have been common knowledge by Tony’s cocksure response.

“What about you?” Y/N nudged Bruce’s leg with her toes.

Bruce gave Y/N a shy smile. “You know, you really should be wearing shoes in a lab. It- It’s not safe.”

Tony stepped beside Bruce “And pants. Accidents happen in labs.”

Y/N shrunk back at their scolding. Tony clapped Bruce on the shoulder.

“Alright Banner, enough stalling. Show the kid your party trick.”

Now it was Bruce’s turn to shrink back. A blush crept up his neck, dusting the tips of his ears a right shade of red.

“I do what you do but less-”

“Cute.” Tony interrupted.

“Really?” Y/N’s eyes twinkled in fascination as she eagerly sat on the edge of the table.

Slipping a glass slide smeared with blood under a microscope Bruce shrugged.

“It’s not exactly safe. I can’t control him sometimes.”

Tony grimaced as the little girl giggled.

“Stay away from boys. They have cooties.”

“You’re a boy.” Bruce pointed out to Tony.

“What’s going on here?”

Y/N gasped, “Steve!”

Jumping off the table Y/N rushed past Tony leaping into Steve arms. The Captain caught her lightly squeezing her to return the hug.

“When did Jane turn back?” Steve asked, smiling down at Y/N.

“About a minute after Banner showed her his party trick.”

“What party trick?”

Y/N gasped again as a figure towered behind Steve’s left shoulder.

“‘Key!”

Y/N wiggled in Steve’s arms in an attempt to reach the other soldier. Relief washed over Bucky as his eyes landed on Y/N. Maybe he hadn't broken her after all.

Just as Bucky was within reach Y/N’s hand brushed his neck, her finger’s curling around the strap of his sleeveless white shirt. Y/N instantly changed back into an adult in Steve’s arms. The woman slipped in his arms from Steve’s shock, nearly ripping the shirt off of Bucky.

Steve’s breath hitched as Y/N tightened her legs around him to prevent herself from slipping. That was when she felt it.

“Steven!” Y/N gasped. Her palms flat on his chest trying to create space between the two.

His grip on her thighs tightened. “Stop moving.” He growled out.

Y/N froze. Her heart was beating so loud she was sure everyone in the room could hear it. Without another word Steve walked over to the table gently setting her down. He stopped long enough to mutter an apology before rushing out of the room avoiding eye contact with everyone.

There was nothing Y/N wanted more in this moment than to switch back into the little girl and save herself from embarrassment but touching Bucky made that impossible.

“What just happened.” Y/N whispered to herself but the three men still lingering in the room heard it.

“Cooties.” Tony announced, pointing a pen in Y/N’s direction as if to say I told you so.

Bruce looked up from the microscope pointing to her bare legs and feet, “And accidents.”

Next Chapter

[iamnmbr3]

Hi, love your blog, old already in the thorki fandom, but I always have a problem with it, it's a complicated ship, a very Guilty pleasure one, the kind one you can tell anyone lol

It always made me wonder why people ship, and in conclusion i believe it is entirely Marvel's fault

The first movie: Loki literally crying cause thor is love with jane??? That deleted scene??? All those implications and tension that shouldn't exist if you're telling a story between BROTHERS????

And there is Thor & Loki Blood brothers comic motion that is just thorki basically

Wtf marvel was thinking??? And they made Sylvie and people act like it's okay, while thorki is a crime, fucking hypocrisy???

Btw Sylvie isn't a minor in the comics????

Larry show is shit, do you have any recommendations? The best thorki fics that exist out there? Thank you 😘

Heyyy! Thanks so much. Glad you're enjoying my content.

I mean, personally I don't really think anyone needs a "reason" to ship things. I mean people shipped Clint and Coulson and I don't think they ever even met on screen. Sometimes a ship is just fun. Or interesting.

Personally in the case of thorki I do actually see a canonical basis for it. I talked about why I ship it here. And here's another good answer someone else posted here. I think like any ship different people ship it for different reasons.

Ultimately for me I like to read stories that are interesting and make me think and thorki makes for an interesting and dramatic story. So I like it. There's kind of a double standard where often in fandom people get judged for their ships as though they are condoning something in real life rather than just choosing an interesting story to read. And yet this doesn't happen nearly as much with mainstream media. No one says HBO or George RR Martin are condoning incest or violence and murder and problematic relationship dynamics and torture etc. because those are big themes in Game of Thrones. It's not really any different in fandom despite what antis would have you believe.

There are a ton of really great thorki fics in my fic rec tag. You can also search my thorki tag for thorki content.

Here are a couple good thorki fics that come to mind.

Born to be Kings by Kadorienne (words: 66,618 | rating: T )

When the princes of Asgard made their ill-fated jaunt to Jotunheim, Odin arrived to fetch them before the frost giant grabbed Loki’s arm. Odin was able to carry out his plan to make Loki his puppet king of Jotunheim. But how long will Loki remain an obedient puppet?

Dead wings carried like a paper kite by illwynd (words: 48,612 | rating: M | Dark themes)

In the heat of battle, Loki kills his brother. As soon as Thor lies dead at his feet, though, he realizes this is not what he wanted. So he brings Thor back, and surely all is well again. Right?

Loyalty at Any Price by seidrade (words: 22,663 | rating: E)

“This whole time, I’ve been searching the Nine Realms— alone— for answers to questions I barely know how to ask. I thought Heimdall at his watch, our father upon the throne, and most grievously… I thought you lost to me forever.” Thor’s resurgence of anger gives way to something like despair. He can’t tell whether he wants to pummel Loki into one giant bruise, or hold him and weep like a child.

When Thor returns to Asgard and exposes Loki’s deception, his demands for answers and Loki’s reluctance to give them soon bubble over into a cathartic confrontation.

Chaos War by astolat (words: 34,203 | rating: E)

It was never easy to find Loki when he wanted to hide, but he wasn’t doing a particularly good job of it at the moment. Probably he didn’t think anyone from Asgard would be wasting their time hunting for him while the shining ones churned their way steadily through all the realm.

On the Eagle’s Wings by illwynd (words: 2,975 | rating: T )

After Loki falls from the Bifrost, Thor begins to write him letters every day.

How long we were fooled by Ark (words: 28,227 | rating: E )

Loki is not a good man, he knows; there is something rotten in the core of him; and even a much better man might let Thor kiss him, since Thor still tastes of sizzling lightning, like gathering rain, like a desire so fierce and so awful to him that when released it could bring Asgard to its knees.

sunshine by thorvaenn (words: 18,257 | rating: E )

A post Infinity War fluffy piece.

Thor and Loki are among those who are trying to pick up the pieces, but must first fix each other.

[redbirdbella]

@clintasha-week  Advent calendar Day 9 - Emotions 

Very angsty. CW - guns, illusions to suicide, Avengers Assemble canon character death, drug use, talk of mind control. (If there's any more please tell me but those are the ones i can see.)

It takes Natasha 45 minutes to decide Clint's been alone long enough.

It takes two weeks for her to find him.

Phil's funeral had been tough on everyone, her archer especially. He'd been a broken man, tears staining his cheeks as he carried the casket. Natasha to his left, holding his hand as she helps bear the weight.

Barton, Romanoff, Rogers, Hill, Fury and May carrying the weight of a brother, a comrade and a true patriot July 1964 til May 2012 (or at least that's what the grave will say).

She gives him space, room to grieve, to bury his head into his hands and weep until shes worried he'll shrivel up. Like he'll faint from dehydration like when he was hungover that one time in Vegas. Happier times. Hill supplies the tissues and Steve the rousing speech. It's tasteful, Phil would appreciate it. But there's no flowers to hide the casket, just his stupid Captain America trading cards on, the ones that make Natasha's heartbreak.

Clint asks for space. After it's all over, once the coffins gone behind the red velvet curtains and the music plays. She agrees, resigned to him running. She can play the game. Follow where he leads.

Two weeks. Two damn weeks it takes. Europe, the Americas, Africa. She even checks in with Barney. The infamous Hawkeye is gone with the wind.

She goes on a whim. On a shadow of a memory of Tokyo. Of him stitching her up. Of safety and warm alcohol. A disconnected safehouse. Off the grid. Shelter, nothing more.

It's not there, replaced by a luxury high-rise. Last few units remaining the realtor declares. Great, he'll be near the top then.

She hacks the database. It's easy enough. Flat 804.

It's quiet. Eerily so, and she prays to whatever deity will listen to not have another funeral so soon.

She knocks hard, demanding a reply, but she's no surprised when no one answers.

Simple locks make simple work, the door creaking open in spite of her pleas for quiet.

He's up and in the doorway. He's armed, fingers gripping to his old Glock. Simple, effective but not if he looks so indecisive. Like its somehow difficult choosing between the intruder and himself.

"Clint" She whispers, pressing a kiss to the side of his mouth letting his stubble scratch against her, "It's ok. Just me."

"Tasha" he breathes, taking her head into his hands. She holds them, noticing the way they shake, the way it makes it easy to dispossess him. Too easy. She notices the razor burn on his cheeks like he'd tried, tried to find himself amongst the rubble, "He's- I'm- I've fought so hard Tasha"

"I know, you've been so brave, but you don't have to be. I'm here, together yeah?"

He nods, letting her push her way into the apartment. The way she moves past the bottle piles and cracked walls with an effortless grace ignoring the smell of BO and alcohol. The lingering stench of rock bottom.

"Let's get you clean huh?"

He nods leading her to the bathroom. The flat has a bath graciously untouched and running hot water that leaves Natasha whispering a silent thank you to the powers that be.

She's well packed, well versed in Clint and all his emergencies. Magnesium enriched Epsom salts with lavender and chamomile, to soothe his sores and the anxious energy in his muscles. Clint recognises the box and nods reluctantly.

"Want to put some in?"

He doesn't, but he doesn't stop her adding a healthy amount. He strips down without her request, he isn't scared of being naked. Not with her. She's seen worse. She's seen the bodies on the floor, even helped organise the men that had taken Phil away, leaving the red smudge that seemed to imprint into his mind.

"Hey" She whispers kindly as if the past didn't hang so heavy between them "the water should be warm enough now. Go on, it won't bite"

He nods and steps in, if only to see her smile his last connection to humanity reflected back to him.

"Should we lay down?" She asks but she's already slowly lowering herself letting her arm dangle into the water.

He follows her. A little less steady but it's a start. She kisses his head, "Whatever you're on its strong"

Clint shrugs. Not strong enough.

"How long?"

"How long?" Natasha echos "long enough that I've missed you"

"No, how long in here?"

"Until I say so"

There's no quip just a nod and Natasha's heart breaks just a little more. She clings to the outside of the bath under his watchful gaze, humming songs she remembers from better times. Before gods and monsters and mayhem.

It takes a while for the salts to work their magic, making his limbs grow heavier, back to his control. The bath should be cool, if Natasha hadn't constantly refilled bringing it back to a good temperature. The one that melts the trickster god's ice.

"There, I've got something to get you dry" She whispers when he stands, requesting to be let out. She'd got it at the airport, so it's still fluffy with its new novel smell. He wraps it around his waist and she throws his clothes into the water left in the tub. Cleaning the air of the smell and giving him no choice but to choose the fresh clothes she's brought. He agrees to the pants, black with a purple stripe out the outside leg, the pair he always wore for long nights in.

"That's better" Natasha praises, directing him to the toilet, seat down, "you tried to shave-"

"I look like him" oh the original him. Barton Snr. The only man she hated more than Loki.

"I only see my partner" she whispers pressing another kiss to his cheek, "let me show you-"

She brings out a kit. A long-forgotten kit, one that only comes out for him. Her Barbers kit from her time attending to the soldiers. It's not the same, her tools had been blunted through use but the idea is still there. Buried deep through countless repetition.

Clints not like the soldiers. Even now he fidgets putting himself at her mercy. It's a long process, a Turkish shave, but each time it's worth it for the way he smiles, blushing under her tender touches. It's different this time, there's no more smiles but he shuts his eyes letting himself be pampered.

"There." She whispers placing a mirror into his hands once the act is done "There you are. Back again"

He nods, avoiding the man that glances back at him and she places her hands against the back of his neck.

"You cant ever ask for space again"

He nods.

"Not until I say so"

He nods. He's taken something, something strong. Detoxing will be a bitch but that was tomorrows battle.

"Bed?"

He doesn't nod, but he doesn't object either just leads her there as if she just wanted to see it. To check for proof of its existence.

There's no more fresh sheets, but the spare bedrooms untouched. Natasha's doubt's he'd left the living room much, not in this state.

He lays on the bed and waits for her to follow. Then he surrounds her, hands desperate to touch, to reassure his trembling grip on reality.

"I'm here. I'm here" she soothes

"You've been here before" he counters.

"Not like tonight"

He's quiet until he can't contain anymore "They took my mind"

"And I took it back"

"I killed him.

"Loki killed him. You were with me"

He nods, "You would have saved him."

"I made my choice"

"It wasn't your choice to make!"

They settle into the silence that follows. She doesn't expect an apology, she doesn't need one. She knew what it was like for someone to take your brain and play.

"Did you really think I wouldn't know you? That I wouldn't come looking" She whispers "I fought a god for you."

"And do you like your prize?"

"Now you sound like him"

"Cause he's still in there! I'd blow a hole in my head to let him out! to make it stop!"

"Don't- I need you" She's not beyond pleading, not for Clint.

He's quiet, until the tears come. They burn his freshly shaved skin so she stems them, blotting them out with her fingers.

"I'm here, it's ok" she's writing cheques she can't cash, making promises she can't keep "It can stop now, let me take it from here"

She offers out her arms as he'd done all those years before. His arms were bigger. It wasn't such a tight fit but her skills lay elsewhere. She lets her hands creep down his bareback. Recalling every last detail she can remember about her massage class back in Russia, when they'd promised her only gentle hands could wiggle out secrets. Before they corrected the lie.

He startles as she begins, if the sobs that shudder against her shoulder are any indication.

She shhs him, cradling him like a child

"It's just me"

She draws circles against his back, letting him strain away when she touches somewhere tender.

"Please, please don't fight me like you do him"

She lets her own tears slip away as he surrenders to her touch, feeling each muscle relax against her.

Until he surrenders to the deep sleep that pulls him under.

There's no more need to fight, for she grants him rest.

[janeykath318]

Darcy and the Prince (Shieldshock)

“I’m going to be so happy when this is over and we can all get on with our lives,” grumbled Darcy, as she helped her friend into her very beautiful white wedding dress, fit for the princess Jane was about to become. Jane had met the Asgardian Prince Thor while visiting the country on a science quest (as Darcy referred to her research trips) and the two had, against all odds, fallen head over heels in love and became engaged a year later. Despite the meddlings, of Thor’s troublemaking brother Loki, they’d made it to the wedding day and Darcy was playing bridesmaid and generally trying to keep Jane from going full bridezilla. 

“Hmm, maybe you’ll be singing a different tune once you’ve met some of Thor’s friends,” Jane suggested, as she was buttoned up. “He knows a lot of attractive, single, people.”

Darcy rolled her eyes and grimaced as she worked on the last few buttons. 

“Ugh. NO, JANE. I do not need that drama in my life right now. I’m gonna finish my masters, then go globe-trotting and enjoy being single and free. Men are more trouble than they’re worth.”

“Sometimes I want to wring Ian’s neck for what he did to you,” Jane said vehemently. Darcy’s last boyfriend had turned out to be an utter cheating scum and she’d ended up with a broken heart, hence her general annoyance with men. 

“Thor and I got our revenge,” Darcy said, smiling at the memory. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to trust again. Don’t be sad, Janie. I’m super happy to have you and Thor and Eric as buddies. Now, let’s get finished so we can get you down that aisle!”

Before she knew it, Darcy was preceding Jane down the aisle and trying not to start bawling. She was a shameless wedding weeper and knew it would be even worse this time since it was her best friend getting married. 

As she blinked rapidly, she took a glance up front where a beaming Thor was standing, along with several other very striking, very well dressed men. She caught the eye of a gorgeous blonde decked out in full prince uniform and he smiled at her, which did funny things to her insides and it took all her self control to not stare at him through the whole ceremony. 

Of course, by the time the happy couple kissed and was announced as husband and wife, Darcy could barely see through her tears and just hoped she’d grabbed the right man’s arm to walk her back down the aisle. 

“I’m sorry,” she sniffled to her unknown escort. “I always weep an embarrassing amount at weddings and these dresses NEVER have pockets to stash tissues in.” 

“Nothing to be sorry for,” a very pleasant voice answered. “I admit, I shed some tears as well. Luckily, I always carry a back up handkerchief. Here.”

A soft cloth was pressed into her hand, and Darcy gratefully accepted it, finally managing to wipe the tears away. Vision cleared, she was able to see her helpful person and let out a gasp as she saw it was the gorgeous blonde princey dude. Up close, it was clear she’d grabbed the arm of Prince Steven, one of the most swooned over royalties to ever grace the papers. 

“Wow, thanks, your highness,” she said breathlessly. “I’m afraid this thing is ruined. It looks like my waterproof mascara is not actually waterproof.”

She held up the handkerchief, which was now smeared with black streaks. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Prince Steven said, pretty blue eyes crinkling in a smile. “Like I said, I’ve got extra.”

“You’re the best,” Darcy blurted, then turned red. “Ohmm….. I’m gonna go repair the damages before they start the pictures. Will you let Jane and Thor know where I’ve gone? It should only take a few minutes.”

“Sure,” the Prince said kindly. “And please, call me Steve.”

Darcy ventured to look back at him, and saw nothing but genuine friendliness in his kind eyes. She fell a bit in love right there.

“Nice to meet you…...Steve,” she managed, a tad shyly. “I’m Darcy, by the way.”

“Lewis?” he asked, recognition appearing in his expression.

“The very same,” she confirmed. “I take it Thor’s mentioned me?” 

“He sure has,” Steve answered. “He calls you his lightning sister and is frequently expounding on your wit, brains, and beauty. I’d have to agree with him. You are stunning.”

Darcy felt herself blush like a tomato. 

“You’re one to talk, Prince GQ,” she sassed, to cover up her internal freak out over his compliment. “Be right back!” 

With that she picked up her skirts and swished off to the restroom, leaving Steve looking after her with great amusement and interest. Darcy Lewis was a very strikingly lovely woman and the blue dress she was wearing greatly flattered her figure and emphasized her bright blue eyes. Thor had tried to set him up with her before, but Steve had stubbornly refused. Now that he’d met her, He thought he’d been an idiot. 

“Are you well, Darcy?” Thor inquired, when she had rejoined the others.

“Yeah. My mascara betrayed me and made me start looking like one of those goth rock stars,” she told him. “That’s the Last time I use THAT brand. Congratulations, by the way.”

She offered up hugs to the happy couple, before they were whisked away for pictures with the official royal photographer. 

Spotting Steve, she casually strolled over and watched a bit as he talked to a group of individuals, who must have been his friends, because he looked so much more relaxed and was laughing and smiling in a very jovial manner. He kept his public persona very buttoned up and stiff, so seeing him like this was utterly fascinating and Darcy was becoming more and more attracted every minute. She chatted with Bruce Banner for a little bit, then helped Jane manage her train in between shots. 

They were so cute together, it was almost sickening. Thor looked at Jane like she was his whole universe and Jane looked at Thor like he was the only man in existence. 

“I want to look at someone the way she looks at him,” Darcy murmured, half to herself, half to the blue and gold clad figure who had joined her. 

“Me too,” Steve agreed, sounding very wistful. 

“Shouldn’t be that hard for you, dude,” she pointed out. 

He chuckled ruefully, blushing a bit.

“I’ve discovered there’s a big difference between starstruck lust, and real love and I haven’t seemed to find the latter yet. Most of them aren’t interested in getting to know the real me at all.”

“That’s sad,” Darcy told him. “You seem like you’d be very interesting, once you get past the whole princely trappings and regal persona. Tell me, Steve, what makes you tick?”

Steve turned to look at her, and she felt like the blue eyes were piercing through her, searching for something. Whatever he saw, it must have eased his mind, because he took a deep breath and started talking.

“For one thing, I’m very passionate about using my position to do as much good as I can, not be just some stuffed shirt figurehead,” he told her. “I’m also very fond of the arts and am in the process of starting an art school for underprivileged kids. I’m hoping they’ll let me teach, because I love to draw and paint.”

“That’s awesome,” Darcy said warmly, giving him an approving nod.

“I also love dogs and help out at the shelters whenever I can.” He continued. “They’re so much more pleasant than dealing with parliament.” 

Darcy laughed at the distaste in his voice, but never got a chance to say anything else, because duty called. They shared a few looks across the room, and Steve shamelessly winked at her once when she pretended to strike a diva pose. 

They didn’t get close enough to actually talk again until the reception, when he sauntered up to Darcy as she was giggling at a ridiculous archery joke Clint had made. 

“Excuse me. Darcy, would you care for a dance?” He asked, holding out a white-gloved hand.

“Y-you’re asking me?” Darcy squeaked. 

“I don’t see any other Darcys around here, unless one of you has something to tell me,” Steve said dryly, squinting at Clint, Natasha, and Bruce, all of whom knew him. 

“Nope, not it,” Clint said, shaking his head.

“She’d love to,” Nastasha answered, giving Darcy a nudge forward.

“Yeah, I would, “ Darcy managed, taking the offered hand nervously.  Steve’s hand closed around hers and she felt a tingle up her spine.

She was in a dreamy daze as the prince expertly guided her around the floor. It was clear his princely education had included good dance technique and he was absolutely courtly about it. 

“Now, Darcy, it’s your turn to tell me what makes YOU tick,” he said after a few minutes of silently gazing at her. 

“Well, I live fueled by coffee and sarcasm, I majored in political science, and I’m not afraid to use my taser on creeps and jerks,” she told him proudly. “Also, I may have a thing for tall blonde princes.”

“Is that so?” He asked, a dangerously flirty tone in his voice.

“Yup,” she admitted. “Which is a little inconvenient seeing as how I’ve sworn off men.”

“That is too bad,” Steve agreed. “Any chance of possibly changing your mind?” 

“I’ll certainly let you try,” she told him, struggling to keep her mind from its fantasies about his magnificent broad shoulders and muscular arms. 

“Good,” Steve said, with another one of his stunning smiles. (If he kept doing that, there was no way she would be able to hold out long.)

“You look like you’re already planning your persuasive tactics,” she told him.

“Well, they don’t call me The Prince With A Plan for nothing,” Steve said, twirling Darcy around dramatically. Yeah, she was in SO much trouble. 

[anika-ann]

Heart Too Cold, but Friends of Gold - Pt.9

The Flares

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader     Word count: 3090

Summary: Avenger!reader AU. Part 2 of Melting Hearts series. Part 1 HERE.

In which Steve has too many redheads in his life and they are a lot to handle. (Dealing with A:AOU, pt.2)

Warnings: swearing, light angst,... eh

Story Masterlist

────── ·❆· ──────

But did you see the flares in the sky? Were you blinded by the light? Did you feel the smoke in your eyes? Did you, did you? Did you see the sparks filled with hope? You are not alone 'Cause someone's out there, sending out flares

(The Script – Flares)

 The hallucination – the vision, perhaps – was a true eye-opened. Not because it was any news that Steve was the one to blame for your departure, no, but because actually seeing possibly a very true picture of what was happening to you was something that felt like a bullet to his brain. It was maddening and it should have made him spring into further action; yet, Steve couldn’t find himself having a strength to get mad. He was just too tired. Exhausted, with the weariness settled deep inside his bones.

And while he never had been the one to weep over the universe apparently hating him, he allowed himself to feel that way; especially when Maria Hill advised them to lay low and Clint took them into a safe house.

Correction: Clint took them home. Clint Barton had a home without anyone knowing (except Natasha, because Natasha knew everything and shared nothing), two healthy kids and a beautiful loving wife, living in a rural idyll. And once that information settled in Steve’s head, his heart broke on an entirely new level.

He could have a home. He could see himself having a home. He might not have before, not after coming out of the ice, not even long after actually. Not even the first time he had realized he was in love with you, no. It came with gradually and Steve hadn’t been quite aware of it; perhaps that was the actual truth that the vision created by Wanda Maximoff had revealed. With that hallucination, it had dawned to Steve that he had been ready to go home, for a while now; no matter what exactly home looked like, no matter how much fighting he would still be doing, for how many mission he would be going or if he would be able to reduce that.

He was ready to go home and he wished to go home, with you.

And in reality, it didn’t matter, because the most essential part of what he considered home was missing.

It was a relief when Fury showed up and helped them to figure out how to fight back – the battles they actually could fight. It reminded Steve that there were still battles worth fighting. It took his dark thoughts away, or at least it pushed them on the back burner for a while.

Then again, meeting Maximoff’s once more wasn’t helping. And the girl, suddenly so eager to fix things she had done wrong, reminded him of you too much. He shook off the thought when he went for what could be the final battle and tried his best to focus. No matter how insane the suddenly levitating city was.

And then they all knew it was the end.

“Stark will find a way to blow this rock,” Natasha stated rather calmly as they caught a moment to breathe in on the battlefield.

It was surprising how much faith she seemed to have into Tony with how he kept doing things behind their backs – then again, everyone seemed to be keeping secrets from another lately. But that wasn’t what he found outraging at her statement.

The city was flying and there was no way to save all the people before Stark would make it explode. Lost lives. Failure. Again.

Not on his watch.

“Not until everyone’s safe.”

Natasha looked at him with disbelief, probably questioning his sanity. “Everyone up here, versus everyone down there-“

“I’m not leaving this rock with one civilian on it,” Steve exclaimed stubbornly, the flame of fury lighting up in him.

No. Not this time, not again. He had failed too many times. He had lost so many battles and he was not about to lose another one, he was not about to fail people again.

Natasha gave him a sad smile. “I’m not saying we should.”

The look they exchanged spoke thousand words. This was indeed the end. They truly wouldn’t leave – they would either save everyone’s life or more likely died trying. There was a strange peace in that. That was how he was supposed to go, right? Like a soldier. Like a person who had decided to dedicate his life to save someone else’s. He just selflessly wished it would have been yours or Bucky’s or of someone who was closer to his heart. But he didn’t get to choose.

It was as if Natasha read his thoughts, when she whispered: “There are worse ways to go. Where else am I gonna get a view like this?”

Steve looked briefly over the edge of the flying crater of the city. He would think Natasha was right; but there were so many things he would rather see before he would close his eyes forever. Your smile for example, no matter where the two of you would be. Just your smile, knowing you were safe and he hadn’t failed.

But Steve wasn’t destined to have such luck.

When Fury’s voice announced them that the view would actually get better via their comms, Steve couldn’t help but chuckle and feel a little flicker of hope. A flare in the endless darkness. Maybe there were things they could fix and people they wouldn’t fail after all.

He only realized he had been a fool thinking that, when it was over and one of the lives they lost was Wanda Maximoff’s brother’s. Strangely enough, Steve envied him. But only a bit.

────── ·❆· ──────  

The weirdest thing was Tony Stark being the one to pluck up his courage not to give up. Not that he was aware of that.

Saying goodbye to him as Steve decided to stay at the army base with Natasha, Tony had told him something so simple that it shouldn’t have moved Steve the way it did.

“Maybe I should take a page from Barton’s book. Buy Pepper a farm, hope nobody will blow it up…” Tony hummed almost lost in thoughts and Steve was once again surprised how the billionaire managed to bring a smile on his face despite all of their differences.

“The simple life.”

“You’ll get that too someday,” Tony reassured him with a smirk that poorly covered the sincerity behind his words. It was the softness in his eyes that gave it away.

“Yeah. Maybe.”

“Definitely, Cap. You know that me taking off doesn’t mean I’ll stop looking, right? You shouldn’t either. She’s out there somewhere. We’ll find her and bring her home.”

Steve smiled shakily at him, feeling the familiar adrenalin and determination flooding his veins. Tony was right. You were out there and they would bring you home, they just needed to try hard enough.

“Thanks, Tony.”

“Any time, Capsicle.” Tony patted Steve’s arm before he slid into his fancy car, the door clicking shut. Then the window rolled down, Tony’s head sticking out. “Oh, and do me a favour. Pop the question when we do, okay?”

The captain felt his cheeks burn, a chill running down his spine as Tony somehow sensed the change in Steve’s longing, but he couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Sure. Take care, Tony.”

The Iron Man saluted him with two fingers and with a roar of his sports car’s engine and a whole lot of whirled dust disappeared in the distance. Steve stared into nothingness for a an embarrassingly long time.

────── ·❆· ──────  

He found Natasha absently staring into a wall, a tablet in her hand forgotten. She turned to him when the door clicked behind him.

“Done gazing into Tony’s eyes? Ready to go to work?” she teased, an easy smile on her lips.

The corners of her mouth rose higher when she saw his expression; she hadn’t seen him this determined for a while. It was funny what could make people happier. Natasha didn’t think losing Bruce somewhere in a quinjet could do that. Then again, they just saved multiple lives. Unlike her, Steve deserved the feeling of victory. If she didn’t feel quite the same, no one needed to know.

Steve’s thumbs slid into the loops of his belt as he stopped in front of her, rocking on his heels.

Uh-oh. Big announcement coming, she could tell as much, and she wasn’t sure she would like it.

“I’m ready,” Steve confirmed and one look into his eyes told Natasha that he spoke it was the truth – but not quite.

She knew that look too well. He had it every time they got a track on you. And since she knew for a fact that there were no new leads… her heart sank.

“Steve…”

Steve could immediately tell Natasha understood, just like he could see she didn’t approve.

“I should be out there, looking for her. I need to be, because she’s somewhere, alone, and she can’t hide forever. I’ll find her – but it needs to be my priority from now.”

“Steve,” she addressed him, softer this time, wary of her tone, so it didn’t sound like she was admonishing him. “We got no lead for eternity-“

“That only means we need to try harder!”

“We’re doing our best and you know it. The moment we get the tiniest lead – like the last time with early snow in London –, we drop whatever we do with the recruits and we’ll be on our way.”

“Natasha-“ he started out again, but she cut him off.

“You’re not the only one who’s desperate to find her, Rogers! But the world hasn’t stopped turning! There are still threats and we need to deal with it. She wouldn’t want to-“

“Don’t you dare to speak for her, Romanoff-!“

“For God’s sake, Steve! Do you really think she would have asked you not to look for her if she wanted you to drop everything and come find her? “

He gasped as he felt the air knocked out of him.

It pissed him off, the burning feeling of betrayal squeezing his chest. Why was she discouraging him from this? Why? And how dared she to speak for you? She hadn’t seen it. She hadn’t seen what he had, what they had been doing to you and finally it hadn’t been her idly hands letting you suffer, only watching it all happen.

Steve couldn’t hold it anymore. So he exploded.

“What she did was stupid! She could be tortured right now, Natasha, serving as someone’s personal lab rat! You said it yourself, we didn’t get a single lead-”

“Exactly. Where would you go?”

“I don’t know!” he yelled, throwing his hands in the air helplessly, his breathing getting quicker. Because she totally hit the nail on the head – Steve had no clue, but he was sick it. He needed to know, he needed to do something, because just waiting for something fall into his lap was torture. “But anything is better than doing nothing!”

“We’re not doing nothing, Rogers. We just saved countless lives-“

“But not the one that mattered!” he cried out, his fist hitting the railing so hard it shook around the whole room. The sound of it resonated in the suddenly silent space as the severity of the sentence fell on both Natasha and Steve.

The redhead pressed her lips together, tears she would later deny gleaming in her eyes. Steve leaned onto the railing, bowing his head in defeat. He did not mean to say that. Especially not to Natasha, who had just lost Bruce to God knew where.

Shit.

“I’m sorry, Natasha, I-“

The spy shook her head, blinking the sudden prove of weakness from her eyes.

“I get it. And I agree with the stupidity, but she did it because she believed it was the only option and a right one. And I rather believe she’s just that good neither we nor anyone else can find her than that she was captured.”

Her voice was thick with emotions she didn’t want to show and the guilt stung harder in Steve’s gut. He was being an ass. A big one. A selfish one on top of that.

“…I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

“I think I’ll live,” she sighed, lighting the tablet up. “I get it, Steve. I miss her too.” And I miss Bruce too. I’m scared for him, was left unspoken, but they both knew it might as well could.

“Yeah. I… I know.”

“And it’s not your fault she’s gone. I know you think it is, but that’s nonsense. Don’t beat yourself over it. Just don’t give up on her.”

Steve sighed, closing his eyes and attempting to regain his composure. His balled hands shook inconspicuously. He needed to be strong. He was expected to be strong, especially in front of the new recruits and no matter how much he hated it, moping wouldn’t help anyway. And hot-headed decisions, flying form one end of the world to another without an actual goal neither.

He cleared his throat. “Alright. What do we have here?”

“Bunch of kids who think they know what they’re doing.”

“And they are not a team.”

“And they are as far from a team they could be,” Natasha corrected him as she handed him the tablet and threw the door to a corridor leading to a training room open.

Steve studied all the names and pictures, mentally cataloguing them. “Sounds like a lot of work. Shall we start?”

────── ·❆· ──────  

“Captain Rogers?” Wanda whispered shyly, her unmistakable voice heavy with accent.

Steve stopped in his tracks, trying to plaster a smile on his face. Interacting with her… it was too much. Her age, her powers, her persona – it was too similar, too much of a painful reminder of you and no matter how hard he tried to ignore it, the resemblance nagged him in the back of his brain like a constant itch he couldn’t scratch, because he couldn’t reach it.

“Yes, Wanda?”

“I’m sorry.”

Steve tilted his head, pretending his heart wasn’t beating out of his chest. Had she read his mind? She probably had, if not recently, then surely when they had been fighting against each other. But why speak up now? It must have been about something else.

“What for?”

“I am… still learning how to control the abilities,” she started hesitantly and it confused the hell out of Steve.

Was she apologizing for not making progress fast enough? They had just finished the first training. And of course, had fought a battle against an army of robots.

“That’s understandable. But you’re doing great.”

She smiled faintly. “Thank you. But… it’s… I can’t turn them off. I can… feel the pain and deep sadness settled in you.”

Steve froze. Well. Shit.

“And… when I caused you the hallucinations… I got a glimpse. I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” he rasped, not even shocked how the combination of her persona and the topic of their conversation brought right back on the edge. “You believed you were doing the right thing. We can’t change the past, but we can still do our best to make a better present and future.”

“Like she did?”

Steve glared into her eyes at the note, unable to say a word. She lowered her gaze.

“I said I got a glimpse, but she was almost everywhere – each of you thought of her. She always made an appearance, at least for a moment. I… I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I just… I guess I want to say thank you for giving me a chance to redeem myself and… and-”

“Wanda… you deserve a chance. You don’t need to thank for that. As for the other thing… I would appreciate if we kept the conversation about that on minimum.”

“Of course! I’m just… I’m working on some things, I’m trying to… to control someone’s emotions and I could help you to— I know it’s invasive!” she blurted out hastily as Steve’s expression changed into a horrified one. “But… with Pietro… I was able to keep tabs on him when on the field, we had a connection-“

“I’m very sorry for your brother, Wanda, I truly am,” Steve said softly, pouring some compassion in and resting his hand gently on her shoulder. Grief he understood too well.

“I… what I’m trying to say is that I would probably feel him at the other side of the world, because we were really close, and— and maybe-- maybe if you let me know Sno--- the person that you feel you have disappointed well enough, if everyone would let me… I think that perhaps with Vision’s help, I might be able to find her mind and track her down.”

Steve stared at the young woman paralyzed, absolutely stunned and with own mind a complete and utter mess.

Did she just said— did she-- could she really--- it sounded too good. It sounded insane. Like a sci-fi; but then again, his whole life was. This woman could read minds. She could move things with her mind, she could read emotions. She could---- could she really find you? It seemed impossible.

He didn’t want to give in to the hope. He always had, every single time the recognition system had found a face almost matching yours only to find a girl who could be your twin, every single time a weather anomaly occurred and he would chase down the lead like a madman only to find nothing, always scolding himself for believing you would be so careless. And the truth was, he was growing tired of it. He always followed, never letting the trail go cold, but with every failed attempt, he was being kicked lower and lower. The spark of determination from Tony had been very short-lived.

“Captain Rogers?”

“Yes?” Steve snapped from his daydreaming, eyeing Wanda absently.

“Your thoughts are screaming at me-- not your fault. Just… do you want to tell me about her? If I know her, I can start trying. And I understand we don’t know each other too well for you to open your mind completely so I could see and hear for myself. So… you could just tell me,” she suggested, this time being the gentle one. It was another reminder of you and it hurt like hell. And at the same time, the offer was painfully tempting. “I really do remind you of her a lot, don’t I?”

Steve gave her a sad smile, little broken on its edges.

“You have no idea.”

“Give me one, then. I could be a good listener.”

Steve chuckled as she offered him an elbow in a poor attempt of a joke and blinked away the tears he had no idea where had come from. He really should get a grip on himself.

“Okay. She… she was someone very special and unique…”

────── ·❆· ──────  

Part 10

────── ·❆· ──────  

Tags: @mermaidxatxheart, @murdermornings, @elisaa-shelby @ask-hellbent-tweek @cxptain, @kallafrench, @smilexcaptainx @scentedsongrebel, @orions-nebula

────── ·❆· ──────  

Bear with me. Were geting back to our Snowflake to see what she’s been up to... and as ou can probably guess, things will happen ;)

Thank you for reading!

[kenzieam]

Save My Life - Chapter One

@jewels2876​ ​​​​​ @moonbeambucky​ ​​​​​ @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123​ ​​​​​ @iammarylastar​@captstefanbrandt​ ​​​​​ @badassbaker​ ​​​​​ @pinknerdpanda​ ​​​​​

I know I’m forgetting people, sorry. If you want in, hit me.

************************************************************************

Warnings: Definitely M. Language, violence, adult situations, graphic mentions of horrible things, traumatic death and descriptions.

************************************************************************

!!!!!TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!!!

************************************************************************

Paramedic Bucky Barnes has seen it all and it’s definitely taken a toll on his mind and body, witnessing senseless death, all but wading through it at times as he is the first responder to so many ghastly accidents and mishaps. The widow of one of his former patients haunts him long after his brief, chaotic contact with her and destiny conspires to cross their paths again. Can the broken man and grieving woman find peace together?

Feedback is life, y’all.

***********************************************************************

EIGHTEEN MONTHS LATER

With a growl and a groan, Bucky rolled over onto his back and threw his arm over his eyes. His body throbbed in a way that, while unwelcome, was far from unpleasant and he reached down, palmed his aching cock through the plain black boxer briefs he usually slept in.

It was so much easier to stumble to the shower if he only had to tangle with briefs, not try to pull a t-shirt off his muscular frame, it wasted precious seconds that could be better spent gasping for breath under the spray, hands pressed to the wall and bowed forwards, water washing away the nightmares that had torn him from uneasy sleep to begin with.

The dichotomy wore at him, even as he relived the horrors of her husband’s messy final moments of life, his body yearned for her, his cock hardening while his mind played the reel over and over, the sightless eyes, the crunching of the man’s ribcage beneath his hands.

There was no use fighting it, he’d tried so many times, only to lose every battle.

His pleasure crested, peaked and he groaned in release, his cock pulsing thick ropes of his seed onto his heaving stomach but the physical gratification didn’t touch the emotional turmoil and he dropped his hand with another groan, squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth until the sensations faded, both the ecstasy and the guilt.

Finally, he moved, hauling himself off the bed, off the tangled, soaked sheets and grimaced; the evidence of his twisted mind drying on his belly. Stumbling over last night’s jeans he shuffled into the bathroom and turned the water to scalding, scowling at his face in the mirror, scrubbing a hand over his stubble.

Would he finally get his shit together today? What compelled him, day after day, to continue like this? Sure, not every call ended the way that one had, but the good ones had long stopped overpowering the bad, their shadows too dark to chase away.

His phone jangled, clashing with his already raw nerves. Would such a simple sound ever stop eliciting such a heart-stopping response in him? He reached for the receiver, his seed still painting his belly, pulling at the downy hair there as it dried and silently held it to his ear. The voice on the other end knew he was there.

“Hey.” Steve said quietly.

“Hey.”

“Is today the day?” The day you stop this, quit the job that’s slowly killing you and start putting yourself back together again?

Bucky exhaled, a harsh yet anemic sound. “No, not today.”

Steve, his partner of eleven years, the man who usually drove the ambulance while Bucky worked so hard in the back, sighed quietly. Closer than brothers, he could read Bucky like an open book, but it went both ways and Bucky could hear the small smile on his face too. Although it was slowly killing both of them, there was nobody they’d rather die beside.

“See you at the station?”

“Yeah, an hour.”

“Coffee.”

“Your turn.” Bucky grunted, slamming the receiver down. Their shorthand baffled most, pissed off others, but you couldn’t be stripped bare emotionally in front of someone for over a decade and not connect like that.

One last lingering glance in the mirror, a brief grimace at the haunted cast in his blue eyes, then he continued into the shower, letting the water wash away both the sweat and the tears.

**********************************************************************

“Still having nightmares?” Steve asked, glancing Bucky’s way before returning his attention to the road. On their way to a frequent flyer found semi-conscious and, no doubt, more than semi-intoxicated, sprawled on the ground outside a local McDonald’s, there was a mild sense of urgency but an even larger sense of ‘same-old, same-old’ weary acceptance.

“Never stop.” Bucky replied shortly, barely looking up from poking listlessly at the computer screen mounted on the dash.

“About her?”

Bucky exhaled, eyes falling closed until the pain, while by no means gone, diminished enough to allow him to draw the next breath. “Yeah.”

“Man, that was over a year ago and you haven’t seen her since. What gives?” Steve demanded, slapping the steering wheel with the palm of his hand before cursing under his breath and hitting the sirens again to persuade a stubborn car out of their lane.

Bucky mused that he’d probably hear those god-damned sirens in hell.

“I don’t know-”

“Her husband died-”

“I know!”

“And I’m sure the last person she wants to see is the guy who was covered in his blood literally crushing the man’s ribs!”

“I know!” Bucky bellowed, slamming his fist on the dash then pulling it back with a grunt to cradle against his muscular chest. He’d need the full use of his hands, both massive paws that somehow could be so gentle and precise while intubating or placing an IV line, to deal with the patient they were now pulling up on.

“You using again?” Steve asked, voice low, bordering on a mix of angry and disappointed.

Bucky turned away, opening the door and jumping out before the bus had come to a full stop.

************************************************************

Lev glanced around briefly before dropping her eyes again. She felt supremely uncomfortable here, despite the fact that she was one of the more in-control attendees; she wasn’t weeping ceaselessly into a handkerchief, or burying her face in her hands while her shoulders shook, or muffling her wails on the shoulder of the person beside her. She was keeping it together.

Wasn’t she?

Eighteen months since Clint’s violent and unexpected death and this was her first meeting for grieving survivors, held in an aging school gymnasium that smelled like old socks and even older sweat, the wood floor marked and scarred with years of abuse.

Her friend Wanda had finally put her foot down, after a year and a half of back and forth, of, ‘I’m fine, just tired’ excuses and tearful limbo and all but dragged Lev to her doctor, where the kindly soul who may or may not be hiding pain just as visceral as hers and therefore knew what he was talking about had suggested this place, as an alternative to the pharmaceutical option that had been the first choice, and rejected so vehemently by Lev to warrant it’s proposal.

She glanced around. The middle-aged woman who’d lost her husband when he’d choked to death right in front of her during their weekly Sunday brunch, three chairs over in the large circle; the man who’d suffered through agonizing minutes of his wife pleading for help over her phone, then her final screams of terror as her car’s throttle had malfunctioned on the freeway and she’d careened at top speed into an embankment, instantly dying but taking with her his unborn son as well, five chairs over; then…. Him.

Lev startled slightly, dropping her gaze before it could be returned. Her memories of that time were so scattered and chaotic, stained with Clint’s blood and the sound of that goddamn siren, but she remembered him, or more accurately, the pain in his supernatural blue eyes.

Built like a marine, massive and muscled, shoulder-length hair pulled back into a loose bun, clad not in his uniform but a simple red long-sleeved Henley and jeans, hulking and intimidating until you looked closer and saw the anguish, was the paramedic that had tried so hard to save her husband’s life that lifetime ago.

Her heart sped up and she focussed obsessively on her cuticles. She wished suddenly for Wanda, but she’d insisted on attending tonight by herself and consequently was now alone as a tsunami of memories crashed over her. The incongruity of smells: bitter antiseptic, raw panic and body expulsions, warm male musk and blood; the duelling opposites that had all but torn her in half: frightening, in-your-face reality as Clint’s blood dried on her face coupled with the dream-like quality of the whole drawn-out nightmare.

How did that man cope? Dealing with that life and ugly death daily? Was that why he was here now, slumped in his chair and listening to other lambs to the slaughter open their veins in wretched attempts to assuage the pain?

She was called gently upon to speak, to give her name and reason why she was here; what screaming banshee howled unending torment in her ears, but she shook her head, burrowing further in on herself and muttering a vow to make herself talk next time, no matter how uncomfortable.

An eternity and an eye-blink later, the meeting ended, and Lev stood stiffly, her body raw and pulsating with fresh grief. For lack of anything else to do, she wandered to the refreshment table, knowing she was far too shaky yet to attempt to drive herself home and picked up a pre-poured paper cup of juice and pack of generic cookies. She’d just sat at an empty table and touched the cup to her lips when a quiet, tentative voice washed over her.

“Hi.”

She glanced at him, quickly back down again. “Hi.” Her voice was stronger than she felt, and she was grateful for the support of the table and chair.

“May I sit?” There was a puzzling hesitancy in his voice, as if he expected screaming rejection, but Lev was too tired to push someone else away, it was too wearying keeping her own mind and body quiet.

At her nod, he sat, picking at his own pack of cookies, seeming to be warring with himself about something.

“I remember who you are, you know.” Lev added, watched his shoulder slump with mingled relief and trepidation.

“I didn’t know… if you…. did or not-” He mumbled, trailing off uncomfortably.

“Hard to forget that day.” Lev whispered. She hesitated before adding. “I never got a chance but… thank you… for trying.”

He nodded, jaw tight, not lifting his eyes from the table.

“How do….” She didn’t want to ask, but God, she did too. “How do you manage to do that… as a job I mean?”

He smirke humorlessly, gesturing with one massive hand to the assembly around them.

“Does it help?”

He shrugged. “More than the company counselling. A friend of mine suggested it a couple years ago; I try to come when I can but….” He cleared his throat. “What about you?”

Lev dropped her eyes again, puzzlingly embarrassed. “My first time. My friend… she made me see a doctor-”

He held up a large hand. Say no more.

“How are you sleeping?” He asked quietly, lifting his hypnotizing gaze to hers again, which she quickly averted, in parts shocked and soothed by the tractor-pull that seemed to emanate from his supernatural blue eyes.

The question stung somehow, and it was so much easier to bite at that then lay bare the devastation beneath. “How do you?” Even as the question left her lips she recoiled, horrified with herself and pressed her hand to her mouth.

He flinched, barely perceptively, but the dark rings under his eyes answered her.

“God, I’m sorry-”

He shook his head, held up a massive hand again. “It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not!” What was wrong with her, biting the first hand that extended any type of friendliness? “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“This place… feeling this way… it makes you raw.” He replied, glancing up at her before looking away and gesturing with a chin jerk to a nearby table. “Sweetest old lady you’ll ever meet over there, but once she comes here and starts remembering her husband’s death again, turns into an old hag.” He twisted the paper cup in his hands, completely engulfing it before taking a sip. “Later, she’ll sit there with a stunned look on her face, like she’s waking up from a black-out.”

“I don’t want to be an old hag.”

A faint smile touched his full lips, temporarily lighting up his unbelievably handsome face. “You’d never be.” A faint pink flush and he looked away again.

Lev suddenly couldn’t breathe. The room, the man across from her, were taking all the air and she stumbled to her feet. “I have to go.”

He watched her, face falling and tried to stand but Lev lifted her hand, an emotional traffic cop, and shook her head. “I’m fine.”

It was a lie, and both knew it, but he only watched sadly as she hurried out the gymnasium doors to the darkness outside, head bowed.

**************************************************

“You never answered me.” Steve spoke suddenly, breaking the silence in the bus as they took a rare break between calls, sitting in the parking lot of a local coffee-shop, trying to wolf down their breakfast sandwiches before the radio blared and re-established reality.

Bucky grunted, knowing what his partner was referring to but hoping that he’d drop it if he played silly buggers.

“James.” Shit, he was serious, using Bucky’s given name.

Bucky sighed, staring out the windshield. “It’s under control.”

“Is it?” Steve all but shouted. “Shooting H? Seriously, man. How do you have that ‘under control’?! What the fuck, James!”

“I don’t do it all the time-”

“Once is too many!”

“Fuck you. You got someone to come home to-”

“DO NOT put that on me, asshole. You’ve had plenty of women hoping for your last name, what the hell are you always waiting for?”

“I’m-”

“Stop thinking about that girl, it’s never going to happen!”

A bitter retort stung Bucky’s tongue and he knew if he spit it out it would poison their enduring friendship, weaken it just when he needed it the most but he was saved from sabotaging himself by the damned radio itself, the dispatcher’s efficient voice relaying maximum information with minimal syllables.

Glaring daggers at Bucky, obviously having a damn good idea what he had been about to say, Steve snorted angrily and grabbed the microphone, snapping an affirmative before slamming the vehicle in gear and hitting the sirens.

************************************************************************

Levi was not at the next meeting and Bucky felt a curious mix of relief and disappointment. Steve was right, this was never going to happen and, even if it did, he had no right dragging this girl down into his shit, not when she was still trying to dig herself out of her own. But still, he was disappointed; she was the rare light in his darkness, had been since the moment he’d first seen her, even with all the chaos and horror around her, cradling her dying husband’s head in her lap, pleading with someone, anyone to help. When their eyes had locked, a visceral, physical jolt had shot through him, almost painful in its intensity and he’d become personally invested in doing all he could to help, if not the patient he’d been dispatched for, then her.

Anything for her.

He was a sad fuck.

He’d barely heard the meeting going on around him, the others whispering their shame and pain, the answering murmurs from fellow sufferers. He rarely spoke at these, was rarely called on anyway because the overseer, a thin, bantam rooster of a man named Tony, who still lost all confidence and swagger when remembering his dear wife, Pepper, who’d passed suddenly from an aneurysm a few years previous, knew who Bucky was and why he was here.

He had no personal stories of loss to tell, but shared the pain of every single death he witnessed, every patient he tried to save and usually ended up only managing to usher into the afterlife with some semblance of comfort anyway.

He left the meeting that night alone, curled up on the floor at the end of his bed and found a vein.

[self-proclaimed-chaotic-good]

What We Do in the Avengers’ Tower | Loki Laufeyson x Reader (Oneshot)

Setting Prompt: Superheroes/Supervillains

Words: 1880

Fandom: The Avengers

Summary: A special movie night reminded you of a secret that you’ve been keeping from your boyfriend, Loki, and prompted you to make your own home movie around the Avengers’ Tower. Inspired by this post

-

It all started when Tony brought some old videos of Steve and Bucky during their Howling Commando days. Then Clint added some home videos that him and his kids made. Then Tony added some videos he took of his first inventions.

Then Natasha. Good ol’ Natasha. She managed to find videos that you made when you were a kid, tapes that you thought were lost in a bin or a dusty box buried in an attic. It was a documentary style, inspired by those nature channels where you wore a cap and khaki shorts, walking up to random dogs in the park and narrating their behavior in an exaggerated manner. You buried your face in your boyfriend’s shoulder as he chuckled along with the rest of the team.

“Too bad we never had those, brother,” Thor boomed, looking at your boyfriend with a grin.

Loki rolled his eyes. “It would mostly be you and your friends throwing me around, brother mine,” he hissed, crossing his arms.

You wrapped your arms around him. “Aw,” you cooed. The corner of his lips turned up and he couldn’t help but smile down at you.

“Okay, that’s enough. Let’s go and watch an actual movie,” Tony said, dismissing the moment you were sharing with your boyfriend.

You went to glare at him, but Loki cupped your chin and made you face him. He smirked and for a brief moment, green smoke enveloped the both of you and you were teleported to your shared bedroom.

The next morning, you stretch your limbs and checked that your legs were functional, the events of the night before playing through your head. Activities in the bedroom with Loki aside, you loved the feeling of the team coming together and looking back at the happy moments that they had. You couldn’t help but think of a new project to work on.

-

You adjusted the focus so Korg was perfectly framed to one side of the camera. The rock man stood awkwardly, awaiting for your cue. You put a thumb up and signaled him to go.

He cleared his throat and looked between you and the camera. “Um, hello, my name is Korg, I’m one of Thor’s friends. I’m here today at the Avenger’s tower to visit my friends and to see what they get up to.” His eyes flickered back to you again. “Was that good?”

“That was great, Korg!”

The next scene cut to Thor and Korg at the gym, rapidly lifting weights. The camera cut to Thor for a solo interview at one of the gym benches. “Hello, I’m Thor Odinson, god of thunder. Yeah, Korg’s a great friend. We’ve been through a lot together. We all have. He stuck by my side when things got rough.”

Cut to a flashback of Thor, hair overgrown and unwashed with a beer belly sticking out of his thin hoodie, playing video games and drinking kegs of beer to drown his sorrows. He weeps into a cup, then downs the rest of the contents.

“Have you visited New Asgard recently?” you asked.

“Yeah! They’re doing amazing. Honestly, Brunnhilde makes a better king than I. And my brother, too, though he was king. Briefly. Twice, I think.” Thor looked off into the distance and frowns. “Huh.”

Camera cuts to Loki in his secluded spot in the tower’s library. He rolled his green eyes. “Of course the Valkyrie would be a better king than Thor-”

“You’re supposed to introduce yourself first,” you whispered behind the camera.

“Why? You already know who I am. I seem to recall that you were shouting my name-”

“Sh, okay, moving on.”

Loki smirked. “He knows nothing of politics, only war. Like his father,” he said without looking up from his book, Crimes and Punishment.

“How about you? Thor mentioned that you briefly ruled twice?” You reminded him.

“Ah, the first time was when his father went into Odinsleep while Thor had been banished on Earth, so I was the only one that could do it. Thor’s friends, of course, had to ruin it before I could do anything. The second time, under the guise as Odin, I ruled fairly and steered Asgard away from such brutality and emphasized more in the arts.”

Cut to actors Matt Damon and Luke Hemsworth, who Loki had kidnapped from Midgard, reenacting the second time he faked his death while he, under the illusion as Odin, lounged and ate grapes like a roman emperor.

“Would you try to rule again if you had the chance?” you asked.

Loki finally looked up from his book and leaned closer to you with a smirk. “If I were to rule again, my love, you would be my queen.”

You sucked in a breath as Loki pulled you closer. You drop the camera and the footage cuts to black.

Camera comes back and cuts to the lab with Tony, Bruce, and Shuri. The brilliant young scientist stands before a holographic screen, putting together a prototype of her new invention that utilizes vibranium while the other two watched in fascination.

“Hey, what’s up guys! How you doin’,” Shuri shouted cheerfully, imitating a Youtuber while exaggerating her hand movements. “My names Shuri of Wakanda. Wakanda forever!” She folds her arms over her chest. “So today, I’m about to show colonizers the diverse properties of vibranium.”

Cut back to the lab where Shuri slides on a bracelet and activates it, a smooth and flexible, well-fitted vibranium glove forms around her hand, similar to Tony’s Ironman glove but slimmer. She handed Tony a bracelet and let him test out its functions. It had lasers installed, which automatically went off as a purple beam when he held his palm up to the wall.

“Jesus, Tony,” Bruce swore under his breath.

Tony peeped into the hole in the wall at the other lab, then turned around with a smirk. “What else can this bad boy do?” he asked Shuri.

Moments later, Shuri brought them over to the gym where there were three practice dummies. The other Avengers stood on the side and watched with interest and amusement.

“So I just punch it as hard as I can?” Tony asked.

“Yeah, just, uh, let me record this for research purposes,” Shuri said, recording it on a device on her wrist. She gave a thumbs up and a wink at your camera before turning back to Tony. “Okay, ready?”

Tony bounced on his feet, taking a running start before punching the practice dummy. It was surprisingly tougher than you thought, expecting it to at least move in some way. At the moment of impact, purple light ran through the glove like veins.

He stepped back and looked at the purple glow curiously.

“Now hit it again,” Shuri instructed, a large grin on her face.

He raised an eyebrow, looking over at Bruce who had a bad feeling about it. Tony shrugged and went to punch the dummy again. The impact had been magnified from the glove, sending Tony flying back. Wanda quickly tried to use her powers to stop him and managed to create a red wall that he slammed into. She winced as Tony landed on the training mat with a thud.

Tony groaned, slowly getting himself back up and waved her off. “It’s fine. I’m fine. That was… amazing.”

Camera cuts to Tony sitting down with his legs crossed in one of his labs. He watched you silently as you adjusted the framing of the shot. You grinned when you were finally satisfied, giving him a thumbs up to go ahead.

Tony tilted his head. “Is this because I showed the team your attempts of being a young female David Attenborough?” he asked.

You shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I just… I just thought that we should have our own family videos, you know? Something we can look back at and maybe show other people.”

He nodded in thought, rubbing his chin. “Right, but not that I’m not enjoying this whole documentary style, but I feel like… there’s another reason behind this.”

“Like what?” you asked innocently.

“Back when we were watching the Barton’s home videos, you were looking a little,” he frowned, waving his hand vaguely as he tried to find the right words, “I don’t know, longing? Excited? Nervous?” He leaned forward. “Glowing?”

Your cheeks heated up. “I, I, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I-”

Tony leaned back and let out an exaggerated gasp in shock, covering his mouth. “Are you praganant?” he stage whispered.

“Tony, have you been watching Youtube videos with Peter and Shuri again? Where did you learn that from?” you said, avoiding the question.

“Oh. My. God! You have a baby Reindeer Games in you!” Tony shouted, pointing at your belly.

“What, no, I just ate a lot this morning-”

“It should have been obvious-”

“I made stacks of pancakes but-”

“You and Reindeer Games are always sneaking off like teenagers-”

“Nobody was up yet and the food was getting cold-”

“Does he know?”

That question made you shut up. You lowered the camera and set aside on one of the tables. The camera angle was a bit off, but it still caught both you and Tony in the frame.

You rubbed your face and sighed. “I don’t know how to tell him,” you whispered, slightly muffled by your hands covering your face.

“I actually think he’ll be happy.”

“You don’t know that. Loki is… Loki’s…”

“I’m what?” Loki asked, appearing off camera out of nowhere.

Tony took this as his cue to leave. “I’ll just… do my interview later,” he muttered, looking between the two of you. He went to walk out of the lab, but stopped next to Loki to whisper something harshly.

Loki waited for him to leave before standing in front of you. He wiped your cheek with his thumb, a frown on his face. You pulled on his arm and guided him to sit down. You wrapped your hands around his and breathed in slowly. 

“Is there something wrong, love?” Loki asked softly.

“No, well, yes, well, depends on how you feel about… what I’m about to tell you,” you said carefully. He nodded, prompting you to go on. “Loki, you’re… “

“I’m…?”

“Going to be a father.”

His green eyes widened. “By Odin’s beard,” he said breathlessly, “Is this true?”

You nodded, looking down at your hands. Loki threads his fingers with yours and pulled you into his arms.

“My love, this is the most wonderful news I’ve ever heard. Why did you not tell me sooner?” He asked, kissing your forehead.

“I didn’t know what you would think if you knew,” you mumbled into his chest.

There was a thud against the lab door, followed by several voices whispering and hissing. A voice that sounded a lot like Thor mumbled an apology. You looked up from Loki’s chest, wondering what the team was up to.

“No, wait, Thor-”

“Congratulations, brother and my dear sister-in-law!” Thor boomed, bursting through the door. “I - where did he go? Loki?”

Loki had rolled his eyes at his brother, picking up the camera before looking down at you with a smirk. He winked at the camera before disappearing with you in a green cloud of smoke to do your own celebration in private.

[mhalachai]

HoC ask: is Natasha okay with Bucky having a biological child with Maria? It seems like Nat has some insecurities about adoption things, so I wonder if they spill out on this. Thank you!

Natasha will be around 14 or so when the Maria has a baby thing goes down, and she’s going to be surprisingly fine with it (surprising Bucky, at least), but that’s because she poured out all her insecurities and anxiety a couple years previous when Wanda and Pietro came to live with them. Then, it was a lot of “what do you mean you’re going to adopt a red-haired little baby girl, what about me?” aka lots of fears about her dads (okay, Bucky) wanting to replace her. 

No matter what Bucky tries to tell Natasha, she is still freaked out, and the solution comes from a surprising source: one afternoon Wanda is worked up into a screaming fit and nothing is calming her down until Natasha goes and picks her up.

Sudden silence.

Steve is shocked and Bucky is ready to weep for joy and Natasha and Wanda are just staring at each other. “Dad,” Natasha says, “Why’s she looking at me?”

“Maybe she likes you,” Bucky says.

“She’s so little,” Natasha goes on, sitting down (carefully) with Wanda on her lap. Wanda pokes her finger into Natasha’s mouth. “You’re loud and you’re silly.”

“She’s a baby,” Steve says very quietly, trying to avoid jostling Pietro too much. “She needs us to take care of her.”

Natasha is quiet for a while, watching Wanda gum at her teething ring. “All of us?”

“All of us,” Bucky says firmly. “You and Clint, you’re in sixth grade now. You’re old enough to help me and Steve take care of the babies.”

“Oh.” After a few more minutes, Natasha hands Wanda back to Bucky, and sits close by while Bucky attempts to feed the baby a bottle. 

Late that night, after the babies are asleep and the kids should have been asleep too, Bucky finds Natasha sitting at the computer. “Nat, it’s almost midnight, what are you doing?”

“I’m looking up babysitting courses!” Natasha protests as Bucky shoos her out of the room. 

“Why?”

“Because I don’t know how to take care of a baby!”

“We can do this in the morning,” Bucky says as he herds Natasha up the stairs. “You have school tomorrow.”

“Daaad!”

Bucky shushes her, because Pietro wakes at the lightest of sounds. “Nat, we can talk about all of this tomorrow.”

“But how can I help take care of the babies if I don’t know what to do?”

Bucky steers Natasha into her room. “You will learn. That’s what I did, when I first met you. The only thing I knew about babies was what end the food went in.”

Natasha rolls her eyes so hard that Bucky worries she’ll wake up Clint in the next room. “Dad,” she says witheringly, “You’re making that up.”

“Just a little.” Bucky gives Natasha a hug, marveling at how much she’s grown since she was the twins’ age. “Does this mean you’re okay with the babies staying with us?”

“I guess,” Natasha says, but she’s hugging Bucky real tight. “They’re just little. You took care of me when I was little. I can do the same thing.” She yawns. “Just don’t forget about me.”

“I could never forget about you,” Bucky says, feeling all kinds of dad feelings. He loves his kids so much. “You’re my very first baby and I love you so much.”

“Okay, good,” Natasha says.

and it’s still kind of rocky, especially after Clint’s own insecurities around the twins flare up, but that’s a horse of a different colour. So years later when Maria and Bucky announce that Maria is having a baby and Bucky was her genetic material donor, Natasha calmly cracks her knuckles and dusts off her babysitting books.

Another brother or sister? She’s got this. 

[zmediaoutlet]

you saw endgame! please share with the class! assemble!

haha, okay, well–here’s some thoughts, since we’re far enough out that I don’t think this will be too spoilery for people – but it’s gonna be super long, so it’s under a cut, either way:

Well, it was–spectacular! In that it was literally a spectacle, for one thing. I had pretty lowered expectations after not particularly enjoying Captain Marvel (it was fine, but boring) or Infinity War for that matter (better-made, but the stakes were obviously nonexistent because we knew something was going to be done). Here, though… I just really, thoroughly enjoyed it. It was thoughtfully done, well-executed, and just as a moment of payoff for those of us who have been here all ten years… It was just really something. I saw Iron Man on opening weekend in 2008 and fell in love, and even if I haven’t loved every single movie since then, I feel like Marvel just sent me a love letter, and I was so–glad. What a good movie-going experience it was.

I say all that having seen SO MUCH rending of garments and gnashing of teeth from the !stans and shippers, but all of that’s so very much missing the point. This is the story of *this series*, this great arc that led to this point. The thing to remember is that the MCU is fanfiction itself–it’s based off of characters who are based off of characters from a canon that’s been rebooted and re-blended about a billion times. This is the story this group of fic-writers, essentially, chose to tell, and I think they did it pretty damn well. You can write your own fic where Steve weeps into Bucky’s hair for 70 years if you want to. This story isn’t that, and that’s okay. (Genuinely, if fandomites could take like half a step back they’d be much happier people. I know it’s hard–I’ve been in a process of letting go with SPN that I haven’t really managed to do well–but c’mon. Don’t get so het up about it.)

Some things:

1) I was genuinely impressed with the time travel mechanism, especially as it bounced meta-ly off of other examples we’ve seen in pop culture. Finally, a story that allows ACTUAL alternate-universe time travel instead of boring-ass time loops. I’ve always thought it was spectacularly dumb when the worry is “but if I kill myself in the past, I’ll die now!” Nope! Avoided! Thank you, folks. It’s kind of weirding me out that so many people online seem confused about how the time travel worked, but it was incredibly clean and I just want to high five the people involved. The one thing that seemed like a plot hole was Old Steve at the end, with the implication that he was co-existent in this timeline for 70 years (and did nothing about Hydra??)–but then the Russos said that they assume he went to an alternate timeline, and then came back to this one to give Sam the shield. It wasn’t on screen either way so you can make your own headcanon, but I’m good with that. So: successful time travel. Hoo-fucking-rah.

2) Thor. This was the one real spoiler I had going in, that Thor Got Fat. All this weeping about how he’d been mistreated by the narrative. So, I was pre-emptively worried… and then ended up not thinking it was that bad. Look, I’m a chubster, I’m well-aware of how sensitive that can be for people. What I found interesting about it was that it was, yes, kind of a visual joke, just because The God of Abs was a pudge, but it was actually treated remarkably kindly by every character for whom that would be in-character. Meaning, sure, Rocket makes fun of him, and Rhodey’s kind of a dick (because Rhodey’s like that with Tony, even)–but Bruce, Steve, and even Tony all deal with him quite gently. That scene where he tries to volunteer for the gauntlet and Tony carefully holds him back was so sweet and sad. Poor guy. It was a good exploration of the depths that the last ~10 years of his life have pummeled him into. It wasn’t that he was fat, it’s that he was broken. People will make up their own minds about the equivalencies there and what’s being implied, but it was a good visual metaphor as far as I was concerned. If he were “just” a sad drunk no one would have believed that he wasn’t ready for what was coming, and he wasn’t. But he got better, because his friends really were there for him. (Also, Korg was wearing Taika’s pineapple shirt! I hope there are nice fics where Korg and Maik gently just play XBox with Thor because that’s all they can do for him.) 

Also on Thor, re: Thor/Loki – more rending of garments about how he didn’t go see Loki. Let’s think about this: you’re on a top-secret time mission to save the universe (Time Heist!), and you go see your trickster god little brother who, yes, you miss, but who also hates you at this point in his life. That’ll go well. I completely understand why there wasn’t a scene. The scene with Frigga was all I needed there.

3) Steeb: I’ve never been the… biggest fan of Steve. I mean, he’s fine. His character is caught awkwardly between the man, Steve Rogers, who abhors bullies and will break rules to do what’s right, and between The Man, Captain America, who kinda Is Rules and needs to do what’s right but also represents an idea greater than himself. There’s a lot of wonderful tension there, but the movies haven’t particularly capitalized on it, and when they’ve tried it’s been in a lip-servicey way.

That said, this movie deals with it really, really well, I think. At the beginning he’s trying to live, and isn’t doing a great job of it. The plan they come up with is simple, perfect heroism – he’s not representing an Ideal, but he is one: he’s the man and the ideal simultaneously, that striving toward right will eventually create a more just, fairer world. If sacrifice is required he’s willing to make it. That scene of him standing alone against the massed forces of Thanos with his broken shield strapped tight to his arm is like a distillation of who Captain America should be. I’m so glad we got that, at the end.

As someone who doesn’t invest in Steve/Bucky but who completely understands it, I also see no issue with the thing where he goes back to Peggy. Bucky understands, too. That moment where they hug and he tells Steve, so-softly, “I’ll miss you,” oh man, oof. Bucky knows. I hope there’s a lot of pining!Bucky in that fandom, y’all are missing out on a STELLAR opportunity if not. Especially pining!Bucky where Steve knows and can only do his best to be Bucky’s friend. Steve going back isn’t out of character, either, despite the clamoring. He misses Peggy, he misses peace. Who knows what they got up to in that alternate timeline–maybe he and Peg went and routed Hydra early, maybe they saved Bucky, maybe they had a WWThreesome with Buck, whatever. But Natasha and Tony both told Steve to “get a life,” and he finally got to. He’d done enough. He earned it.

4) OH MY GOD, NATASHA. What a character arc. I friggin’ adore the mirroring of her and Clint’s stories. The brutal assassin who gained a family and learned what it meant to love something so much she wanted to sacrifice herself for it–those scenes on Vormire were heartbreaking. I’m also super glad that the movie paused, after that. Someone called her death “fridging” – wow. No. She was a hero, as much as Tony was. Whatever it takes.

5) Tony. Holy shit. In a lot of ways this was his movie–in a more meta way, it was RDJ’s movie, and Favreau’s, and Feige’s. It all started with Iron Man, and that’s where it ended. There wasn’t a stinger scene because we got that funeral and then the moment in the credits with the originals signing the screen, and of course they saved Robert for last. The success of this movie is really a testament to the risk everyone took, way back then. It sure as hell paid off.

“You wouldn’t lay down on a grenade to save your men,” Steve said. How many different ways can Tony prove him wrong? At least once more. ;-;  I’m just super emotional about the whole thing. So many good moments all leading up to what happened. Little Morgan in his helmet, Pepper’s faith. Steve’s faith, for that matter. (I still have a tiny pocket of my heart reserved for Steve/Tony, no matter how non-canon it is. What a great relationship they have.) The panic and misery when Carol brought them back, calling Steve a liar, and Steve just–gentle with him, again, and how there was no anger there anymore. Argh. 

That’s the thing that I think I appreciated about the movie most, in the end. Despite all the craziness, the spectacle, the easter eggs slinging at you left and right (”Hail Hydra.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!), what I loved most is that in the face of this ultimate goal, this literally universe-saving moment, the stakes were actually felt because the characters (and actors, and script) sold how unimaginably important it was. Interpersonal bickering fell by the wayside; any dumb conflicts just washed away. No drama for its own sake, or manufactured arguments. Just–working together. The Avengers we hoped to get in the aftermath of the first team movie. We got ‘em, finally, even if we lost a lot too.

This all sounds super elegiac, I guess. It sort of is. It wasn’t a perfect movie by any means, but it might be perfect for what it meant to do, and what it set out to do. There were a couple of little nitpicky things that I might change, but they’re so small so as not even to be mentioned. And so many more tiny moments that I loved, loved, loved. It’s the first one of these movies that I’ve wanted to rewatch in literal years, and that’s making me really happy all on its own. I’m just left with this utter… satisfaction. Not sad, just happy that they made it worth my while.

Put another way: when I was leaving Shazam I felt like I’d spent about 4 hours wasting my time. When I was leaving Endgame, I felt like it had been an instant. Just yay, all ‘round. I loved it three thousand.

What did you think?

[precise-magic]

ENDGAME KILLED ME

Okay, so I'm just gonna rant and yall ain't gotta read jack squat. this is for me to find in a couple of years and hate myself for ;)

WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK FUCK WAS UP WITH NAT DYING LIKE AND TONY DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER AND STEVE WENT BACK TO PEGGY AND TONY AND HOWARD AND LOKI LOKI LOKI LOKI LOKI LOKI LOKI LOKI LOKI 

Okay. One thing at a time

I was a little bitch and found it online first, and then went to go see it in the theaters cause I had to work opening weekend and Spoilers are a botch. also, I knew i would be crying a lot and so I was able to pause it while I was at home so its fine don't worry about it. 

But like. 

the opening, with Clint, teaching his daughter to shoot a bow, and then his family dying. I was crying. weeping. wasn’t sobbing yet.

tony and nebula playing paper football was great. thank you. like we got to see tony and nebula interact and nebula was stiff and awkward but not trying to kill Tony and Tony totally let her win and I love him for it. so much. I'm crying again. it's fine. 

!!!!!!!!!!!!! rocket and nebula holding hands was so sweet!! it really shows you how upset they are cause of !!!!!!!!!!! yeah and nebula lost her sister, and then the rest of the Avengers. she failed.she couldn't even avenge her sister. and rocket. lost Groot once? and now it's even more painful. and he lost the rest of the guardians. and they only have each other now and I'm going to die

tony saying “I lost the kid” came into my house and shot me point blank in the chest

Tony yelling at Steve and throwing a fit was not what I expected and it upset me cause it was like watching your parents argue before the divorce. but yeah he was justified i believe. 

Carol showing up was great and i loved her and Thor interacting!! 

The first 20 minutes came into my house and shot me in the head cause that’s not how i was expecting this movie to go and I love it

Thanos destroying the stones. it makes sense now but before i saw the movie i never would’ve thought of it!!!

A rat saves the universe. Okay but how did strange know that the rat would do it like??? time magic wibbly wobbly stuff i guess

Also scott being the one to come up with the plan!! Love it!! ANd poor cassie!! 

TONY STARK HAS A DAUGHTER! SHES  ADORABLE AND ID KILL FOR HER TBH

I WANNA SEE MORGAN AND PETER INTERACT OKAY BYE 

I’m trying to remember the order it happened like?? its so much but im not complaining!!!

yeah just time travel. not what i was expecting

OKAY SO 

Steve, scott, and tony go back to 2012-the first avengers movie. Loki gets the Tesseract, and he disappears. that prompts tony seeing his dad and steve seeing peggy in 1970

but

Thor and rocket go to The Dark World movie. who cares what year. but it’s after 2012-the avengers. YOU SEE LOKI THERE. how? why? did they explain it and i missed it? is loki going to pop back up somehwere? I’m confused? is loki going to end up alive like gamora did? its past gamora brought into the present? its past loki brought into the future by him not being on that ship when thanos comes for the tesseract? how does the dark world happen w/o loki? how does Ragnorok happen? I am confusion. time travel logic confuses me unless its back to the future time travel logic. 

Okay so the hulk. I’m cool with this development, I feel like the last movies with the hulk were leading up to this and it wasn't just hastily written into canon unlike somethings *cough* clint’s family in Age of Ultron *cough cough* what with the hulk leaving in age of Ultron and then him Ragnarok and his character in infinity war 

my dad, on the other hand, is not going to be happy. I already texted him. He’s not happy with me

Okay so the ancient one already knew about strange??? like?? But then it leaves her and bruce not fighting and she’s like, “ well he must’ve had a reason” and i respect that 

also the wizards fighting in 2012 was wrapped up in a nice little bow

steve fighting steve was great 

steve being a smart cookie and saying “hail hydra” was neat but now the hydra dude are going to be confusion? and poor past steve, he has to fight himself and he heard “bucky is alive” hell think it was a joke and then when bucky is alive the guilt;’( i would feel guilty anyways) also i expect lots and lots of fanfic for me to read about steve finding bucky faster

Tony getting to talk to his dad!! Im so happy!! It s so great!! if only he got to see his kid again before he died!! 

natasha... and clint.... i.... 

i watched the first avengers movie when i was aboutttt 10? i remember seeing nat kick ass. I loved their interactions. I . I knew she was going to be the one to die. i knew as soon as i saw them and only them there. the writers weren’t going to kill clint cause he was trying to get his family back nad they already established that the avengers was nat’s family. i cried then. im crying now. but seeing thise two genuinely willing to die so the other didn't?? that’s some good shit you can @ me if you like. and i dont feel like it took away from nat’s character. did tony’s sacrifice take away from his? no. no it didn’t  i just wish that there had at least been clint lighting a candle for her at the end of the movie. some form of recognition. but thats what fics are for i guess

also her words were “see yall in a sec” or smthg like that before they all went into the past  and im not okay 

this ended up being longer than i intened.... im not even finished yet... ill just hit the high highlights from here on out

loki. love him. can’t wait to see more him

they really hyped up captain marvel wayyyyyy too much for my taste but she’s still badass and i love her

the peter and tony hug i was very grateful for but at that moment i knew tony was going to die. and so i cried twice as hard

pepperoni being the strongest they’ve ever been and I'm fucking here for it

or well i was...

steve wielding thor’s hammer (i cant spell, sue me) was great and i was happy all the way Up until his shield broke

tony’s funeral as really well done. the arc reactor pepper gave to tony, Harley being there, everyone being there. it was good. i cried. really loud. so yeah. his hologram. he fucking planned for dying so im not okay

also strange and the whole “if i tell you it won’t happen” what did that mean? that if he tells tony that tony will die he won’t snap??? uhhh sounds fake but okay marvel

peter is so going to have a shit ton of nightmares from when he was hugging the gauntlet on the ground and then the badass ladies coming to save him 

great scene by the way 9/10. would be 10/10 but no Natasha 

i wanna see harley and peter interact and be great big brothers to morgan

Steve going back in time was some utter fucking bullshit. that deserves it’s own rambling post from me so watch out for that mess i’ll post at a later date

all in all(that wasn’t everything I assure you I'm just tired) 

I loved the movie. It didn’t let me down like Age of Ultron did. It seemed, to me anyways, to have fewer comedy moments than many of the earlier movies which is to be expected. I did not see the plot line with the time travel and the five year time skip though. I was not expecting that at all. thoroughly enjoyed it though, cause I had no expectations on what was going to happen. They kept dead/present! gamora dead but replaced her with past! gamora which im cool with i want more sisterly bonding with her and nebula and i can’t wait to see her and quill interact again. no bringing nat back, which i would’ve felt cheap if they had tried. like she sacrificed herself so clint could be with his family. if they could’ve just brought back whoever had died, it takes the weight away from the decision and cheapens her death. same with tony’s. i hate it so fucking much but the symbolism and the poetics ending of him anwsering thanos’s “I am inevitable” at the end of the film (which past-in-the-present him parroted from past present him the beginning of the film) with “I am Iron man” from the first film I just.... fucking died and ascended. my body left my soul... I lovedit. And the parallels with peter and him and peter died last time, tony died this time. Im not crying, you are. and yeah.. 

I hated it so much. But they did it really well. and pepper told him he could rest now. 

Basically. It was a great movie. was it perfect? no. but what movie is? This movie was great and you can fight me on it thank you and good night <3

[aurumacadicus]

Do the four of them ever get legally bound in any way? Like even if its like two and two?

How much do the two kids get spoiled between four amazing parents and some epic aunts and uncles?

(I’m adding the second question to this one since the other post is gonna be HELLA smutty lol)

Clint and Tony get married at the courthouse. They think it’s hilarious, because they’d asked for a marriage license and the notary had immediately turned to Steve and Bucky for the other name.

Steve is incensed. “TWO OMEGAS CAN GET MARRIED. WHAT IF I’M JUST HERE TO BE THEIR WITNESS.”

The notary is horrified. Clint and Bucky drag Steve out so he can compose himself, and Clint buys the notary a cookie as Tony happily chatters to her about how long he’s been with Clint and how he’s always wanted to marry him and he’s so excited they finally decided to tie the knot.

They decide to wait until after the babies are born to have the religious ceremony. Steve and Bucky try to insist that they don’t need anything big but Tony sniffs at them and says, “Do not deny me the chance to wear my mother’s wedding dress,” and holy shit are they on board with that.

“I wish I had a mom’s wedding dress to wear,” Clint admits quietly while they’re trying on suits. Bucky grabs Clint’s shoulders and smacks a kiss to his lips before bolting from the shop. Clint and Steve stare after him in confusion.

(“You’re letting me wear this?” Clint breathes, shocked.

Winifred Barnes pulls him into a hug and squeezes him tight. “I would be so happy if you would wear this dress, Clint. It can be your something borrowed.”

Clint sniffles, burying his face in her shoulder. “Thank you, Mrs. Barnes.”

“Call me Winnie. You’re going to be my son-in-law soon enough,” she replies, giving him one last squeeze. “You’ll look just as beautiful as Tony on your wedding day, and you’ll both make those boys weep with joy.” She leaned back, looking him up and down. “Also your biceps are going to look amazing in my dress. Suck it, Maria.”

Clint can’t help the bark of laughter that escapes him, even if it is kind of watery.)

((“Do you want your brother to walk you down the aisle, Clint?” Maria asks, frowning down at the seating arrangements. Clint opens his mouth to say HELL NO HE PUNCHED YOUR SON but Tony makes a face and does a cutting motion at his throat, looking at his mom frantically.

‘Why wouldn’t you tell her about that’ Clint mouths at him, and Tony drags his hands down his face in frustration as he shakes his head. “Barney and I are estranged,” Clint says diplomatically.

“Oh,” Maria says, looking at him with sad eyes. “Oh, Clint. No one from your side will be there?”

“We’ve got enough sides anyway,” Clint tries to joke, but he’s mostly unnerved that Maria and Tony have identical sad eyes.

“Dad, will you walk Clint down the aisle, too?” Tony asks as Howard passes through the room to his desk.

Howard frowns. “Binky’s not doing it?”

“It’s Barney.”

“Barney’s not doing it?”

“They’re estranged,” Maria says sadly.

Clint has no idea why Tony even brought it up until Howard turns and gives him sad eyes too. “My God they’re identical,” he breathes, glancing between all three of the Starks, and knows deep in his heart of hearts that Steve and Bucky will never fucking believe him. “Natasha will walk me down the aisle,” he stutters out quickly. “Since she’s the one that basically caused all of this mess with her matchmaking bullshit.”

“…I’m pretty sure it was all because an alpha assaulted us at our old gym but alright,” Tony deadpans.))

(((Maria’s dress has long sleeves but a lighter skirt. Winnie’s dress has short sleeves and a fuller skirt. Clint and Tony smile at each other shyly as they meet at the end of the aisle, bouquets of mums and carnations clutched in their hands.

“You’re so beautiful, Tony,” Howard whispers, brushing a curl off of Tony’s forehead.

“Thanks, Dad,” Tony answers shyly.

“I didn’t know you could clean up so well, Clint,” Natasha blurts out, and then, “Uh. I mean. You’re beautiful too.”

“Tell Parker to get lots of pictures because you won’t be seeing me like this again,” Clint replies, smiling, and Natasha smiles back wryly.)))

((((“HOLY SHIT,” Steve blurts out loudly when they start coming down the aisle. Bucky smacks him in the back of the head without looking away from their beautiful omegas. “Why are you even marrying me I look like a fucking backwoods lumberjack,” Steve whispers, tears in his eyes, as takes Clint’s hands.

“You’re a sexy lumberjack,” Tony whispers to him, smiling.

“What am I?” Bucky asks.

“A sexy firefighter?” Clint offers.

Bucky hums, smiling. “I’ll take it.”

“We can hear you,” Pepper sighs, rolling her eyes.

“Of course you can. I’m one of the brides. Why are you surprised,” Tony asks her snidely, and Rhodey chokes trying to muffle his laughter.

The wedding is beautiful, and Clint and Steve watch fondly as Tony and Bucky tear up the dance floor at the reception.))))

Tony and Bucky are pretty resigned to being the stricter parents. Clint’s always been a sucker for puppy eyes and Steve isn’t proving to be much better. Luckily they can reel Steve and Clint in pretty easily, especially when Tony says, “Clint, we don’t want the kids turning out like me.”

“You’re perfect the way you are, Tony,” Steve insists.

“I’m a spoiled brat,” Tony deadpans, and they can’t… really… argue. Steve and Clint kind of follow Tony and Bucky’s leads on it.

Luckily all the kids’ aunts and uncles take this as a chance to spoil the babies. “I literally do not need this many ‘My Uncle’s #1′ onesies,” Tony deadpans.

Rhodey just presses a finger to his lips. “Shhhh yes you do.”

Pepper and Natasha battle for Best Aunt but little do they know that Becca is pretty high up in the running simply by virtue of sweetly saying “If you guys ever need a date night, I can watch the babies!”

“Bless you,” Tony says, gripping her hands tightly. “You’re my favorite. I’ll pay for your college.”

“Tony!” Winnie gasps.

“He’s not really going to pay for Becca’s college,” Bucky cuts in quickly.

Tony makes eye-contact with Becca and nods, mouthing ‘Any college.’

[aliitvodeson]

because @ahkmenrahdaley is lovely and alpha!Thor is a golden puppy

     He hears her scream. The dust has blocked out even his senses, he can not smell what has caused her this distress, how deep it runs, but he hears her scream, and he can only guess. His heart is tight in his lungs as he leaps through the air, flying above the city towards the girl at the centre of the destruction and chaos.      He knows that look of pain. Knows the simple agony on her face, as she chokes out his name.      “Pietro-”      Thor cradles her in his arms, as the city falls apart underneath them, rocking her gently, hoping that it might be enough. These two have suffered enough already. Surely the universe would not be so cruel, surely it would not play such a cruel trick upon the one who seems so much like Loki and should not suffer in this way.      Wanda falls out of his arms, and drags herself to the spot where they have laid out Pietro’s body. Clint tries to hold her back. Thor grips Clint’s shoulders and shoves him back, a little snarl escaping him. Wanda keens, tears falling fat and free down her face.      She weeps, and the air fills with tortured smell of a grieving omega.                Thor grips his hammer. This will not stand. It can not stand.      “Where are you going?” Clint asks him, sharp and firm and he stares at Thor with that beginning note of grief. “You can’t just-”                               “I will right this wrong,” Thor says, and flies.

     “It’s been three days, where the hell have you- WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THOR!”      Clint is scrambling for his bow, Wanda has lifted her head up from the pillow, Steve is launching himself in front of the grieving omega. Thor stands in the doorway, his arm thrown out, whether to keep the figure behind him back or simply to warn them off, it is too hard to even know his actions himself.      “I will explain everything my friends, but he is here to help.”                     “Thor!”      “Steven, please, have peace.” Thor faces down his two alpha teammates, and behind them, Wanda, who does not seem as if she has changed clothes, her hair a mess, her scent of pain and loss and fear. Red hovers in the air around her fingers. Such distress on an omega would make Thor keen, even if he did not know just how this was the latest loss in a too great line of death and pain for the young woman. “He is here to help Pietro.”                     Steve’s face twists.                                    Clint fires the arrow.      Loki’s green magic is faster. He slips under Thor’s arm, and walks past the arrow hovering in mid-air. Thor makes a motion to grab his hand, but he stops at the last moment. Loki has eyes only for Wanda. The red light forms a shield in front of her, but it is a flickering weak thing, hardly there at all. Loki stops well back from it.                     “My brother- He is dead.”           “He is caught between this realm and the next.” Loki’s voice is soft, and Thor has never heard this kind of speech from him, but he supposes that it is almost like what their mother must have sounded like when she explained Loki’s gift to him. Patient, and kind, as it seems only omegas can be when teaching. “He does not know peace, or rest. Your magic holds him in this place.”                     Loki stretches out a hand to her, palm up, green light flickering over his fingertips.           “Little sister, let me help you restore him.”           Loki sleeps, curled under Thor’s arm, and Wanda cries over Pietro’s body anew, but now there are monitors and a breathing tube, and she smiles when she brushes her fingers along his cheek. Clint stands on the other side of the bed, his arms folded across his chest, as he glares across the space at Thor.                     “You should have told us Loki was alive.”                                         “I could not.” Thor runs his fingers through raven black hair, and Loki turns his head into the touch. Above the line of his shirt, the bonding mark shows on his neck. Clint’s eyes narrow, and Thor knows the archer is studying it. “You would have demanded his punishment, for things I can not fault him for.”                     “Why not?”      Thor does not look at Clint. Instead, he looks at Loki, exhausted from his effort at teaching Wanda just this brief handle of her magic, at releasing Pietro’s soul from the cage of reality that Wanda had inadvertently built around it, mingling the red and green magics to push the soul back into the abandoned body. Wanda is forcing herself to stay awake, although Thor knows her to be just as exhausted as Loki.      He wishes she would allow him to keep watch, allow her rest. But she had pushed him off, and he understood.      “You are mated, friend Barton. Does she call for you to be punished, for what you did, when you were taken from her? Does she condemn you for what was done with your hands, but not your control?”                     Clint doesn’t answer.                               But as Thor cradles his sleeping mate, he knows the archer thinks.

[kfedup]

my friend is gone

I’ve been reading back through five years of correspondence with Maj - a bit of a gap in the middle where we wrote far less frequently and that was on me. I’m so glad I started back with the morning messages this winter. 

I’ve read and re-read this reply to a morning message from the night before he stepped off the Earth – wishing I could turn back time and do it over, tell him with my voice one more time how very much I love him...Kelly, I watched the day brighten as best it could, snow on the neighbor's roof.  I thought of you and the many day break photos over the years, your early amblings.  Then here you are, again. I am treading water today...and probably tomorrow.  If I am going anywhere, it is the current, nothing I am doing.  I'll write some overdue letters, watch some baseball.  Till I see you.  Love, Maj. How I wish I had picked up the phone and called him when I received it - but it was late at night when I read it, having jolted awake, picked up my phone, checked my email in a strange haze of dream panic. I didn't want to waken Lu at 1am, so I told myself I’ll see him on Saturday, we have soup plans. He did, in fact have that probably tomorrow. And that was it. And I think he knew.

This is my river of grief.

In one from two Junes ago, he sent me a poem he’d just finished. It became the title poem to his most recent published collection for which he gave such an incredible reading two weeks ago at Kent State. I am so happy that he experienced that one more time. That room full of people who love him and his poetry. Beautiful is such an empty word in the face of that. 

I’ve been weeping all day. Does he taste salt?

The Clouds Pile Up in the North 

These August afternoons I spend on the front porch of the lake cottage with the neighborhood children, a gaggle of tadpoles cavorting in the sparkling waters of summer. I set up a repair shop for fishing reels, roller skates, fire trucks and cut bubble gum out of hair. Tend splinters. Make dill pickle faces and wiggle my ears. 

I tell them how Jesus once rode a walrus down the middle of the lake.  I saw it one midnight under the Aurora Borealis, spiked lightning racing from pole to pole. Where’d the walrus come from? frowns little thumb sucking Clint. From the manger right next to where Jesus was born. Clint rolls his eyes and asks, You got any more red popsicles?

Little Sarah holds up a twenty dollar bill, her monthly allowance, and asks, Whose picture is this? That is Thomas Jefferson, the grand architect of this country. Says here right under the picture his name is Andrew Jackson. Yep, Old Hickory, a tough guy. Sarah rolls her eyes, puts the twenty back into her pink sequined purse and snaps the clasp. 

His toad stool tall ninja brother Kent wanders over to see where Clint got the popsicle. In the freezer. Be sure to shut the door.

The Baptist neighbor brothers find their way to the meeting.  Beanpole Ike the Spike. and his morose little sidekick, Jake the Snake, the tag he wears. They stand off to the side, wearing the heavy boots of their parents’ fears in a fallen world. You guys want a popsicle? No, thank you.

The fisher boys, Bustin’ Justin and red headed Birdman trudge up the sidewalk from the pier. I know the answer, but I want to hear it from them, their sweet, piping lilt. You do any good? Nothin but a couple of mud turtles. They got our hooks.

Jessica, the dark shy cricket who drags her left foot in the gravel, plays alone as always, building a tiny castle of sticks and stones.

I tell the children not to kill the ants on the front porch, because these tiny creatures are all God’s children, like us, and they are my friends. I know their names, every ant on the hill. The worker ants are scurrying home to play with their kids.

Clint brings one to me and asks, Who’s this? Ah, this is my good friend Brave Benny. Clint drops Benny to the concrete and grinds him with his size 4 Batman tennis shoe.

I tell him, One day your heart Of compassion will open. Everything will change. Clint: You’re a fat ass.

Summer is old. The lake has turned over, a murky, pungent green. Clarity is nothing I want any more.

Wherever you are, let our closeness be such, when you weep I taste salt.             

 Maj Ragain

[dungeonsanddragonsfifthedition]

tazchat: i genuinely cried multiple times listening to this episode

BARRY: Why don’t they trust me? I’m repeatedly possessing them and I’m whispering cryptic messages their way, two totally trustworthy things!

SAME ROOM WEIRD ENERGY

“welcome to the same room as me fellas i say horny a lot”

everyone remembers!!! oh geez

o fuck we’re actually getting a Griffin Cinematic Monologue already!!! a classic “we see” style one i thought that didn’t start until the END of this ep

THEY TAKE THE BADGE 😭🤠

“ALRIGHT BOYS LET’S THINK THIS THROUGH” / “...new, for you.”

“sounds to me like the bubble needs to go down” me when i got into a twitter fight with that One Podcaster

“all else fails we all die and come back later!” even tho the loops are over. i know it’s a goof but it’s a Sad Goof In Retrospect

ROSWELL WON’T HESITATE BITCH

“she’s EIGHT my dude.”

“let’s go dummy.” / “that’s a good one june. sick burn.” fucked up but cool when your dad’s weird alien friend shows up 12 years older a year after you met him and he supports your sick burns against cops.

“yeah, i’ve lied to kids before.” MERLE.

SEASICK BOYZ

i love the song “the purple worm” in theory but also like that is just straight up garageband loops a lot of the time. moreso than usual

merle casts a Good Spell and griffin gets a nat20 ... can’t even lie to make his dad feel good cuz they’re in the Same Room

Whenever He Casts A Fire Spell I Get Fuckin Hyped Like She Is Living Through You!

“why don’t you make a chair to throw at it!”

“i’ll tell you the one thing i always got.” / “what?” / “an idea!” he sounds so excited. i love him

Oh Worm

he just carries robot arms with him wherever he goes... to show off his collectionto Potential New Friends AND to fight big works with

“i got tentacles of my own!” / “oh i remember this one.”

Evard’s Black Tentacles: It Gets You Dick AND It Can Hold Back Worms That Are Trying To Destroy A City!

TAAKO THE PROPHECY OH GOD I’M GONNA LOSE IT GO RIIIIIGHT THE PROPHECY

travis is on the floor weeping and justin is fucking relishing in it

why would you separate the tanks from the spellcasters...

Clint Makes A Cunnilingus Joke: Why

magnus just straight up improvising weapons ALL the time is so good. i love him

JUNEBUG

“this is a shitty shit shit idea you know that right.”

ziplining down roswell

poor baby roswell :(

magnus and taako’s Dumbass Accidental Father Figure

“roz, i’m not gonna do that to you.”

magnus wants to make the engine big so they go faster. is that how cars work???

there are so many goddamned stunts in this scene

TELL ME THAT I MADE REFUGE SAFE

oh god :(

nonbirdnary

“and you are in a white space.”

magnus what the FUCK did you make.

avi: [john mulaney voice] YEP, same SHIT as ALWAYS!

babeys :’)

Well Boys We Saved The Town! And Nobody We Met Died! But Also We Were Brutally Reminded Of Our Own Personal Traumas So Was It Really Worth It?

HERE COMES BIG BITCH BARRY

big lich energy

“i’m really proud of you.”

“you’re the bad guy.” / “WHO TOLD YOU THAT.” / “the director?”

“do you trust me?”

poor guy :/

he’s just. fucked up. oh god.

“lup—they don’t trust me. i can’t do it anymore, lup, i’m sorry.”

“the hunger is almost here. and when it arrives, this world will be lost.” have some OPTIMISM bitch!!! good ending!!!!

avi just sees a goddess and he’s just chill about it. king.

this scene where the town catches up is so beautiful.

they built a sign that says “Thanks!”

I’m About To Start Crying

avi is such a cool dude i love him. good npc

PALOMA TIME

“did i make the right choice?” :( literally i started crying who am i

“big fuckin walking story bible over here.”

“TELL THEM TO MAKE MY DICK BIGGER!”

cassidy w a lil suit :) i picture cassidy as final pamesque and i don’t know why. but i love it

june is 15 :’) has a waitressing job and everything

An Tube With Magnus’ Name On It

barry stop possessing people jesus

“i won’t be able to protect you.” / “bite my ass,” and he opens the tube.

i wanna see ren.

“OH MY GOD TAAKO!”

top of her class :’)

“first and only graduate”

“i’ve been watching the whole time.” i’m literally crying. i hate this.

were the istus brothers modelled off of the undertale skellingtons. because uh happy fingers in his ass sunday

“is the static anything we need to be concerned about?” babe.

burly red robe

MOST BIRDS CAN FLY TO THE MOON

davenport takes the relic hell yeah

“that sounds fucking awful.” poor girl. Im Crying.

merle stargazes. which is nice. and deeply fucking sad.

there are fewer stars in the sky. merle it’s your evil fuckbuddy trying to talk.

IT’S KRAVITZ “DUMB BITCH” KRAVITZ.

super handsome face

“that one’s on me!”

“you can see what’s on it—but your mind turns to static.”

AND IT’S AN INCREDIBLY FAMILIAR FACE, MAGNUS, BECAUSE IT’S YOURS. LET’S FUCKIN GO WILD