#comments in PHP

[infoanalysishub]

PHP Comments : Types, Syntax, Examples & Best Practices

Learn everything about PHP comments including single-line, multi-line, and PHPDoc comments. Explore syntax, real-world examples, best practices, and FAQs to write better PHP code. Understanding PHP Comments: A Complete Guide Comments are an essential part of any programming language, and PHP is no exception. They are used to describe what a specific block of code does, which is extremely…

[syrinq]

yeah i really love it when you want to build a website and learn coding and programming and scripting and set yourself on fire and the experience is basically just this

[unpretty]

what the FUCK was i doing when i edited this theme

what if i enabled comments on my site but only for members paying at least $5 a month or $40 a year

[komaedalovemail]

komaedas have you tried straw.page?

(i hope you don't mind if i make a big ollllle webdev post off this!)

i have never tried straw.page but it looks similar to carrd and other WYSIWYG editors (which is unappealing to me, since i know html/css/js and want full control of the code. and can't hide secrets in code comments.....)

my 2 cents as a web designer is if you're looking to learn web design or host long-term web projects, WYSIWYG editors suck doodooass. you don't learn the basics of coding, someone else does it for you! however, if you're just looking to quickly host images, links to your other social medias, write text entries/blogposts, WYSIWYG can be nice.

toyhouse, tumblr, deviantart, a lot of sites implement WYSIWYG for their post editors as well, but then you can run into issues relying on their main site features for things like the search system, user profiles, comments, etc. but it can be nice to just login to your account and host your information in one place, especially on a platform that's geared towards that specific type of information. (toyhouse is a better example of this, since you have a lot of control of how your profile/character pages look, even without a premium account) carrd can be nice if you just want to say "here's where to find me on other sites," for example. but sometimes you want a full website!

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neocities hosting

currently, i host my website on neocities, but i would say the web2.0sphere has sucked some doodooass right now and i'm fiending for something better than it. it's a static web host, e.g. you can upload text, image, audio, and client-side (mostly javascript and css) files, and html pages. for the past few years, neocities' servers have gotten slower and slower and had total blackouts with no notices about why it's happening... and i'm realizing they host a lot of crypto sites that have crypto miners that eat up a ton of server resources. i don't think they're doing anything to limit bot or crypto mining activity and regular users are taking a hit.

↑ page 1 on neocitie's most viewed sites we find this site. this site has a crypto miner on it, just so i'm not making up claims without proof here. there is also a very populated #crypto tag on neocities (has porn in it tho so be warned...).

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dynamic/server-side web hosting

$5/mo for neocities premium seems cheap until you realize... The Beautiful World of Server-side Web Hosting!

client-side AKA static web hosting (neocities, geocities) means you can upload images, audio, video, and other files that do not interact with the server where the website is hosted, like html, css, and javascript. the user reading your webpage does not send any information to the server like a username, password, their favourite colour, etc. - any variables handled by scripts like javascript will be forgotten when the page is reloaded, since there's no way to save it to the web server. server-side AKA dynamic web hosting can utilize any script like php, ruby, python, or perl, and has an SQL database to store variables like the aforementioned that would have previously had nowhere to be stored.

there are many places in 2024 you can host a website for free, including: infinityfree (i use this for my test websites :B has tons of subdomains to choose from) [unlimited sites, 5gb/unlimited storage], googiehost [1 site, 1gb/1mb storage], freehostia [5 sites/1 database, 250mb storage], freehosting [1 site, 10gb/unlimited storage]

if you want more features like extra websites, more storage, a dedicated e-mail, PHP configuration, etc, you can look into paying a lil shmoney for web hosting: there's hostinger (this is my promocode so i get. shmoney. if you. um. 🗿🗿🗿) [$2.40-3.99+/mo, 100 sites/300 databases, 100gb storage, 25k visits/mo], a2hosting [$1.75-12.99+/mo, 1 site/5 databases, 10gb/1gb storage], and cloudways [$10-11+/mo, 25gb/1gb]. i'm seeing people say to stay away from godaddy and hostgator. before you purchase a plan, look up coupons, too! (i usually renew my plan ahead of time when hostinger runs good sales/coupons LOL)

here's a big webhost comparison chart from r/HostingHostel circa jan 2024.

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domain names

most of the free website hosts will give you a subdomain like yoursite.has-a-cool-website-69.org, and usually paid hosts expect you to bring your own domain name. i got my domain on namecheap (enticing registration prices, mid renewal prices), there's also porkbun, cloudflare, namesilo, and amazon route 53. don't use godaddy or squarespace. make sure you double check the promo price vs. the actual renewal price and don't get charged $120/mo when you thought it was $4/mo during a promo, certain TLDs (endings like .com, .org, .cool, etc) cost more and have a base price (.car costs $2,300?!?). look up coupons before you purchase these as well!

namecheap and porkbun offer something called "handshake domains," DO NOT BUY THESE. 🤣🤣🤣 they're usually cheaper and offer more appealing, hyper-specific endings like .iloveu, .8888, .catgirl, .dookie, .gethigh, .♥, .❣, and .✟. I WISH WE COULD HAVE THEM but they're literally unusable. in order to access a page using a handshake domain, you need to download a handshake resolver. every time the user connects to the site, they have to provide proof of work. aside from it being incredibly wasteful, you LITERALLY cannot just type in the URL and go to your own website, you need to download a handshake resolver, meaning everyday internet users cannot access your site.

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hosting a static site on a dynamic webhost

you can host a static (html/css/js only) website on a dynamic web server without having to learn PHP and SQL! if you're coming from somewhere like neocities, the only thing you need to do is configure your website's properties. your hosting service will probably have tutorials to follow for this, and possibly already did some steps for you. you need to point the nameserver to your domain, install an SSL certificate, and connect to your site using FTP for future uploads. FTP is a faster, alternative way to upload files to your website instead of your webhost's file upload system; programs like WinSCP or FileZilla can upload using FTP for you.

if you wanna learn PHP and SQL and really get into webdev, i wrote a forum post at Mysidia Adoptables here, tho it's sorted geared at the mysidia script library itself (Mysidia Adoptables is a free virtual pet site script, tiny community. go check it out!)

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file storage & backups

a problem i have run into a lot in my past like, 20 years of internet usage (/OLD) is that a site that is free, has a small community, and maybe sounds too good/cheap to be true, has a higher chance of going under. sometimes this happens to bigger sites like tinypic, photobucket, and imageshack, but for every site like that, there's like a million of baby sites that died with people's files. host your files/websites on a well-known site, or at least back it up and expect it to go under!

i used to host my images on something called "imgjoe" during the tinypic/imageshack era, it lasted about 3 years, and i lost everything hosted on there. more recently, komaedalovemail had its webpages hosted here on tumblr, and tumblr changed its UI so custom pages don't allow javascript, which prevented any new pages from being edited/added. another test site i made a couple years ago on hostinger's site called 000webhost went under/became a part of hostinger's paid-only plans, so i had to look very quickly for a new host or i'd lose my test site.

if you're broke like me, looking into physical file storage can be expensive. anything related to computers has gone through baaaaad inflation due to crypto, which again, I Freaquing Hate, and is killing mother nature. STOP MINING CRYPTO this is gonna be you in 1 year

...um i digress. ANYWAYS, you can archive your websites, which'll save your static assets on The Internet Archive (which could use your lovely donations right now btw), and/or archive.today (also taking donations). having a webhost service with lots of storage and automatic backups can be nice if you're worried about file loss or corruption, or just don't have enough storage on your computer at home!

if you're buying physical storage, be it hard drive, solid state drive, USB stick, whatever... get an actual brand like Western Digital or Seagate and don't fall for those cheap ones on Amazon that claim to have 8,000GB for $40 or you're going to spend 13 days in windows command prompt trying to repair the disk and thenthe power is gong to go out in your shit ass neighvborhood and you have to run it tagain and then Windows 10 tryes to update and itresets the /chkdsk agin while you're awayfrom town nad you're goig to start crytypting and kts just hnot going tot br the same aever agai nikt jus not ggiog to be the saeme

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further webhosting options

there are other Advanced options when it comes to web hosting. for example, you can physically own and run your own webserver, e.g. with a computer or a raspberry pi. r/selfhosted might be a good place if you're looking into that!

if you know or are learning PHP, SQL, and other server-side languages, you can host a webserver on your computer using something like XAMPP (Apache, MariaDB, PHP, & Perl) with minimal storage space (the latest version takes up a little under 1gb on my computer rn). then, you can test your website without needing an internet connection or worrying about finding a hosting plan that can support your project until you've set everything up!

there's also many PHP frameworks which can be useful for beginners and wizards of the web alike. WordPress is one which you're no doubt familiar with for creating blog posts, and Bluehost is a decent hosting service tailored to WordPress specifically. there's full frameworks like Laravel, CakePHP, and Slim, which will usually handle security, user authentication, web routing, and database interactions that you can build off of. Laravel in particular is noob-friendly imo, and is used by a large populace, and it has many tutorials, example sites built with it, and specific app frameworks.

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addendum: storing sensitive data

if you decide to host a server-side website, you'll most likely have a login/out functionality (user authentication), and have to store things like usernames, passwords, and e-mails. PLEASE don't launch your website until you're sure your site security is up to snuff!

when trying to check if your data is hackable... It's time to get into the Mind of a Hacker. OWASP has some good cheat sheets that list some of the bigger security concerns and how to mitigate them as a site owner, and you can look up filtered security issues on the Exploit Database.

this is kind of its own topic if you're coding a PHP website from scratch; most frameworks securely store sensitive data for you already. if you're writing your own PHP framework, refer to php.net's security articles and this guide on writing an .htaccess file.

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but. i be on that phone... :(

ok one thing i see about straw.page that seems nice is that it advertises the ability to make webpages from your phone. WYSIWYG editors in general are more capable of this. i only started looking into this yesterday, but there ARE source code editor apps for mobile devices! if you have a webhosting plan, you can download/upload assets/code from your phone and whatnot and code on the go. i downloaded Runecode for iphone. it might suck ass to keep typing those brackets.... we'll see..... but sometimes you're stuck in the car and you're like damn i wanna code my site GRRRR I WANNA CODE MY SITE!!!

↑ code written in Runecode, then uploaded to Hostinger. Runecode didn't tell me i forgot a semicolon but Hostinger did... i guess you can code from your webhost's file uploader on mobile but i don't trust them since they tend not to autosave or prompt you before closing, and if the wifi dies idk what happens to your code.

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ANYWAYS! HAPPY WEBSITE BUILDING~! HOPE THIS HELPS~!~!~!

-Mod 12 @eeyes

[apolloanswers]

Thank you for posting the Yap poll! As someone who is Yapese I've seen a few comments referencing the "yapping" meme, and yeah that's a pretty common joke made when I tell people where I'm from but no we are a real place and a real culture

https://silversea-discover.imgix.net/2020/05/6.-Yapese-girl-performing-the-dance.jpg?auto=compress%2Cformat&ixlib=php-3.3.1

I hope people learnt something new, rather than just making the yapping jokes!

I'll be honest I Googled to make sure it was a real place as I had never heard of it before. I'm glad you were able to feel represented.

[ineffablecabbage]

Robby/Langdon #46 for the fanfic memes

(lolololol it's here eventually. Final word count: 2983 words)

"Life goes on, even when it's not fair," Alan, Frank's detox partner, tells Frank on his first day of rehab. "That might be advice from my stint of rehab. Or it might be from a country song. But whichever one it is, it is fucking accurate."

Frank, who is in the middle of some pretty gross withdrawals of his own, can only agree.

When it comes time to start work again, Frank is pretty sure that he is never going to forget Alan's little saying, no matter where it came from. Because nothing seems fair.

It's only one more year he reminds himself. Then his residency will be finished and he can leave. He can go somewhere fresh and be an attending somewhere that nobody knows him. The PHP requirements will still be there, which means meetings and drug tests and all of that happy bullshit in order to keep his license, but it won't have a whole hospital full of people who clearly know all of his mistakes.

They shouldn't; he wonders who told them. But in the end, he supposes it doesn't matter.

It's only a year. He can suffer that long and consider it atonement.

So he goes back to work, and life does indeed go on, even when it's not fair.

~*~

In general, Frank's rule for work is to talk to his coworkers when they talk to him and then mind his own business and go the fuck home.

This works pretty well. Mel talks to him often, as does Cassie. Collins, newly promoted to attending, is friendly in the professional kind of way that makes him think that he will definitely miss her after the year is up. Dana definitely makes it clear that she is rooting for him. She asks the kind of personal information that he doesn't volunteer anymore, about home.

He makes it vague enough; does everyone need to know that he's getting divorced? No, this place has enough gossip on him. If she notices his reluctance, she doesn't say so.

The other residents and med students report to him or they don't; since Collins became an attending, she's put a new system into place about dividing up the junior residents so that they now have assigned permanent senior residents. Santos is assigned to Samira, so that's one less thing he has to worry about, and since she isn't his problem, he doesn't have to talk to her. So he doesn't.

It's just a year, after all.

Then there's Robby.

Robby is chief attending. Sometimes he asks questions. Frank answers them. Sometimes, Frank has to make a report to him, so he does. But that is the extent of their interactions.

Unlike with everyone else, Frank misses all of the stupid bullshit he used to have with Robby. But he remembers back to that day in the ambulance bay, and if it is possible for there to be phantom pain in your chest, Frank definitely feels it.

He doesn't know how to fix it. They told him in rehab that some relationships simply never recover, and he has to accept that.

He doesn't know how to do that, either.

~*~

Frank keeps up his Instagram mostly to keep up with his old marathon buddies. Thanks to the back injury, more marathons are likely out forever. His therapist suggests that maybe he should delete the Instagram if it causes him too much distress, but Katie in his NA meeting suggests that he should look at staying sober as his new marathons.

So he starts posting dumb inspirational quotes and following NA pages, and all the other stereotypical addict shit that you do when you're first in recovery.

It's cheesey, but he smiles and feels some sweet, sweet validation when Cassie, Abby, Samira, Dana, and even fucking Abbot likes his posts. Since when is Abbot on Instagram? Is it that old? Maybe he should delete it.

But then he notices a like from Jake, and something in his chest seizes up. That seems like forbidden territory.

It feels even worse when Jake comments. good job, buddy. keep it up! ;)

Frank doesn't talk to people, except for when he has to, but people still talk. He's heard about the big blow out that Robby and Jake had. He knows they aren't on good terms.

Frank very hesitantly writes, ty! and tries to move on with his life without feeling like combination of Brutus and Benedict Arnold.

Except, the likes keep coming, and so do the comments, and Frank starts to think that perhaps Judas is a more appropriate metaphor.

~*~

"So what am I supposed to do?" Frank asks his therapist.

His therapist hums. "What do you want to do?" he asks, and not for the first time, Frank thinks that therapy is a fucking scam.

So he asks Katie, in his NA meeting. "Well," she said. "Boundaries are good. But are you upset that Jake is contacting you, that he is a memory of your relationship with Robby, or that Robby isn't contacting you?"

"I'm not sure we ever had a relationship," Frank says.

"That's avoidance," Katie tells him. "That won't solve your problem or keep you sober."

Frank thinks back to the day in that ambulance day. "I only apologized to my family, you know. They are the only ones I think I owed anything to, for step nine. Do you think that's avoidance?"

"You know that we can't make those decisions for each other," Kate says. "You're in the medical field. Harm reduction vs. healing, Dr. Langdon."

If he was any good at that, he wouldn't be here now, would he? ~*~

So, he starts small.

He corners Dana in the lounge, like he did that day in September, takes a deep breath, and says, "You know about Step nine?"

She smiles, her knowing smile and pats his arm. "Of course I do, kid. You need to get it out of your system?" He nods. "Well, then go ahead."

"I'm sorry for being so selfish. I'm sorry for prioritizing myself on a day that was already shitty for you. I'm sorry for harassing you all day. I'm sorry for constantly putting more on your plate when you didn't need it."

"I already forgave you, kid," she says, and god, he wishes all of his amends were going to be this simple.

~*~

He plans to apologize to Mel next. Because he likes to keep the simple streak going, and in fact, he knows that is very simple.

He seeks her out in the lounge, and she is there, but she's also there with Whitaker, who has apparently decided to pursue Emergency Medicine.

Well, what the hell. Frank probably owes him an apology, too.

"So. Mel. Whitaker. There's something I need to say," Frank says.

"Oh. Go ahead," Mel says, and she looks very pleased to hear from him, because she's a good person.

"What is it, Dr. Langdon?" Whitaker looks confused, which is fair, because he's Samira's responsibility.

He takes a deep breath. "I owe both of you an apology for my behavior last year. I'm sure you already heard through the grapevine that I was struggling with substance abuse, and I won't bore you with details. But part of my recovery requires me to apologize to those that I fucked up with. And I fucked up as a teacher to both of you. I was fucked up, either high or managing withdrawals the whole first day you were here. I was not the teacher you deserved, and for that I'm sorry. And Mel, I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye." He pauses. "Uh. I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye to you, either, Whitaker."

"Oh, that's okay," Whitaker says.

Mel does something unexpected. She gets up, and she hugs him. That's weird. She doesn't hug.

However, he doesn't let go. "Least problematic trainee," he murmurs.

"Do we have to hug?" Whitaker asks.

"Absolutely fucking not," Frank says.

~*~

They are slammed for the next four hours, but he finally manages to find Cassie and Victoria searching for some extra gauze.

"Hey!" he says. "Something I need to say."

"I heard," Cassie says. "Rumor has it you're doing your steps today."

"Oh. Whitaker tell you? I think I freaked him out."

"You definitely did," Victoria tells him.

"Right, so anyway!" Frank says.

"You don't owe me an apology," Cassie interrupts him. "You can say something if you think you need to, but I promise you, I've seen worse. You were never not there for me as a senior resident when I needed you, so I'm just glad you're getting the help you need. Keep it up, and be kind to yourself."

"Thanks, Cassie. And I'm sorry for letting down the team, anyway."

She pats him on the shoulder with the gauze packet.

He turns to Victoria and gives the same speech he gave to Mel and Whitaker, more or less, minus the part about saying goodbye. It's a little less sincere, truth be told, because he doesn't know her as well as Mel, but he didn't know Whitaker that well either, and regardless - he fucked up.

When it's done, she shrugs. "Um, you don't owe me an apology. I made a major fuck up that day, too. Like, probably ruined a woman's life and her kids, too. So… I … uh… forgive you, or whatever."

"We all fuck up with patients," he tells her sympathetically. "Learn from it, and do better. That's all you can do."

"Same for you, right?" she says.

~*~

He tries to apologize to Yolanda. She tells him to not fuck up again, and that it will all be forgiven.

~*~

By 5 p.m, Frank figures he has three people left: Heather, Samira, Trinity, and Robby.

He sits in the lounge, for a rare break, and wishes that his appendix would explode or literally anything else would happen to keep him from reasonably being expected to talk to these people.

Samira comes in the lounge just as he is crumbling up his bag of hot Cheetos. Well, so much for his appendix being remotely useful.

"Hey, Samira," he greets.

"Oh, Frank Langdon, back to small talk," she says in surprise. "What's the special occasion?"

"You haven't heard?"

She shrugs. "You hear a lot of things in this department. I don't always pay attention. It can make you extra slow to pay attention to gossip, you know?"

He smiles softly at that. "Part of my recovery is doing direct amends. I owe you an apology for my behavior, especially during - uh, you know, that trauma with Santos. That was full fledged benzos at their worst, and you never should have been subjected to that."

"Neither should have Dr. Santos."

"I'm aware of that," Frank says with a sigh. "But they are direct amends, and she isn't here right now. So. I'm apologizing to the person who is. I'm sorry."

Samira nods. "Apology accepted. We're rooting for you, you know."

"Thanks," he says.

~*~

"I owe you an apology," he tells Heather, and she laughs at him.

"I know this is Step Nine, but stop it," she says. "We've all fucked up. The only person you need to kiss and make-up to is currently in the locker room. Maybe go give this speech to him."

"There's fucking up, and there's benzos," he tells her.

"Fifteen percent of doctors, and even an greater amount of EM doctors, will struggle with substance abuse. Now stop making me nice to you, Langdon," she says. "And go make up with Robby so he can quit pouting."

But he's not ready for that.

~*~

They're in the middle of a crike, and Ellis is already there; it's time to change over to nightshift. He's almost out of time, and he wants to be done for the day.

He glances over at Santos and sighs.

"I'm sorry I was such a drugged out fucking mess, and thank you for saving my life," he says.

She blinks at him. "What the fuck?"

"Fucking step nine," he answers.

"Oh."

Ellis looks back and forth to both of them, then shrugs, because night shift rarely gives a fuck about anything.

~*~

His finished all his charts and he's almost ready to go home, but he has one more thing he has to do in this hell day, no matter how much he doesn't want to do it.

But when he goes to look, Robby has already left.

"You missed the checkout meeting with your little NA meeting with Santos," Ellis tells him. "Don't worry, I'll put in a good word about what a good, contributing team member you were."

"I appreciate that," he says dryly.

"Don't I get an apology?" she teases.

"Do you want one?"

She laughs at him, and for a moment, he thinks he might miss this terrible place when he leaves next year.

~*~

The problem is, he wants to be done with these stupid amends tonight.

The other problem is, he is never going to make amends with Robby at work.

The third problem is that his phone buzzes to let him know that his Instagram is getting yet another comment.

It's fucking Jake, again.

Well, that makes his decision for him.

He decides to go to Robby's apartment.

~*~

He's only been there once, actually. He hopes Robby hasn't moved in the meantime. He should move, because chief attendings shouldn't live in apartments. They should live in real houses.

But Robby likes walking to work, and he has commitment issues, so he lives in an apartment instead.

And that is unnecessarily judgy, and not something he should think as he rings the doorbell.

Robby opens the door and stares at him for a few minutes. "Frank," he says slowly. "What are you doing here?"

"I was helping with the crike. And … talking with Dr. Santos. I missed the meeting," he says lamely.

Robby frowns. "Is that why you're here? It's fine. Don't worry about it. You're not in any trouble. Abbot said you were helping out."

"That's not why I'm here." Frank closes his eyes and opens them again to see Robby giving him a look that is not nearly as annoyed as he imagined it would be. "I'm here because there is something I need to say to you."

"Oh." Robby shakes his head. "Your step nine stuff. Well, it's fine. You don't have to do that."

"Yes, I do. Look, will you just. Christ, are you going to make me stay out here in the hallway?"

Robby looks startled, like maybe he had forgotten that Frank was standing out in the hallway. At the question, he steps back and gestures into the apartment.

Frank steps in, and he tries not to look around. But he wants to. He wants to take in everything in the apartment that is part of Robby, because the last time he was at Robby's apartment, he was sharing it with Jake's mom.

"Thanks," he says. "Look. Just let me finish, okay? This is - really hard to do, but it's important."

"Okay," Robby says, and he pushes his hands down the front of his pants, and it looks so familiar. Frank hates it.

But he doesn't hate it, and that is the whole fucking problem, isn't it?

"I owe you an apology. For a lot of things, actually. I'm sorry for not coming to you when I was struggling in the first place. I'm sorry for breaking your trust over and over again every time I stole from a patient. I'm sorry for being a shitty teacher and making the worst anniversary of your life worse. I'm sorry for coming back and putting you in a shitty position. I'm sorry for - "he falters here, because fuck that ambulance bay, actually. "I'm sorry for the long list of shitty things I said to you in the ambulance bay. I'm sorry Jake keeps liking my Instagram posts on purpose to hurt you."

Robby nods. "You done?"

"Yeah," Frank says, expecting that Robby will kick him out now.

"Most of that you don't owe me an apology for, because it was your addiction at work, not you. Jake's actions aren't yours, so you aren't responsible for them. You saved a lot of people when you came back. As for the rest… well. You're not the only one who was a dick in that ambulance bay, were you?"

No, Frank thinks, but he has spent so long feeling guilty for thinking it that he doesn't have an answer for it.

"I'm sorry too, Frank," Robby says.

Well, what is he supposed to do with that?

Frank kind of figures he's on a roll, and he might as well keep going. "I missed you."

Robby ducks his head the way he does when he's having an emotional beat that he wants to pretend he isn't having. "I missed you, too. I was trying to give you the space you needed. I didn't … want to push."

"I appreciate that," Frank says. "Well. I didn't come here to keep you up all night. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, Abby will have my ass for keeping you out this late," Robby says.

Oh, ha, ha, that's right, you have been unsubscribed to updates in my life for a while. "Actually, we're getting divorced," Frank says. "And I don't have the kids or the dog til this weekend, so nobody's waiting to be pissed at you at home."

Why did he say that? That sounds weird

Maybe Robby thinks so too, because he says "Oh, really?" followed by "I'm sorry" followed quickly by "You want to stay, then?"

Frank doesn't, exactly, have time to consider exactly what "stay" means, before he says "Yes."

~*~

As it turns out, maybe he won't leave after this year is up - that's what "stay" means.

[kremlin]

I do computer work but it's not very hard and kind of boring. How do I get to do hard computer work? Do I have to go to grad school?

hi i tend to miss these because of slipshod ublock custom filters im too birdbrained to fix.

i worked for a large american technology company which sold business machines internationally for close to a decade until laid off in successful accounting fraud scheme a few years ago. started as developer, erm, pardon me, i started as

junior developer

which is a role similar to routinely-executed court jester and human meatwave conscript meant to soak up enemy bullets to cause exhaustion of enemy bullet supply and finally guy that comes in big gross truck with a pump and a tank and a big hose used to suck the shit+piss out of portable toilet/malfunctioning sewer etc. this is for when you are 20 years old or so and they hit you with this work to calm your ass down a bit. my case was cloud bullshit on ancient rickety php stack. 5% keystrokes/clicks are php, 95% remainder is jira and other members of the axis of evil. LOT of dick sucking and butt fucking. Going into men's bathroom and making eye contact with cubicle neighbor before entering stall and fearlessly making disgusting noises. microwaving fish lunch thrice daily. you get the idea. meager paycheck but six figures takehome technically

next is staff dev, wait, god damn fucking tumblr, you can't adjust fonts mid-paragraph, and Big Text is just another type of font, in case you wanted Big Specific font. fucking fuck hold on. next step is

staff developer

no effective change besides greatly increased workload (click those motherfucking jira buttons!! suffer coworker's asinine bad-faith code review comments that HE AND HE ALONE must manually accept your responses to, on HIS time, before you are allowed to click the jira buttons that start the human meat sausage factory to get your 20 line maximum change into an RC and then release and then push candidate and then prod push!! pay raise one thousand dollars annually (lol). Emails. Now you deal with project manager too. speculate as to what sorts of grievous head injuries that man must suffer daily to describe his logic. his job is like the guy from office space that brings documents from one desk to another but he randomly reorders the words on the page in-flight. make plausibly-deniable wife fucking jokes about his wife in earshot. you're almost at the top of the suffering function. next is, no fucking cute font this time, senior developer, sounds cool right, lol, lmao, "senior" "developer" is like "tallest" "midgit".

no pay increase no workload increase but now manager emails you about extremely, extremely personal issues he's facing and also makes his most difficult problems from his boss your problems. one week will pass and then they will hit you with the "we're considering you for a team lead position". answer:

NO

answer no as this is the prescribed path, you take that role, you are maxxed out in workload, you are dealing with forty employee's worth of bullshit, another one thousand dollarinos a year raise, employer has solved efficiency problem with your sanity and burnout as variables. you're supposed to quit or kill yourself within seconds of hitting 30 y/o. don't fall for tricks. say "NO" in a creative way such as "i have tabulated some data and made it into excel pie chart quantifying diff. departments work output and am considering sending it to whoever Dave is, the guy that is one or two or three report levels over your boss' head, you know, his boss' boss' boss or whatever. or say "you are harassing me sexually, racistly" that kind of shit. make threat clearly.

was worth mentioning before, throughout all of this make as many friends and as much of a splash for yourself as possible as its time to trade on that goodwill, tell your boss you want an open relationship and you're going to fuck and suck other managers, and then find the good one with the good team of old fucking geriatric guys who could never be fooled into working more than a reasonable amount daily and also can kill people with their minds since they have been sitting on the bleeding edge of computing since 1969. their boss will usually be, suspiciously, one report rank higher than everyone else. e.g. their boss has a whole other boss + his reports under him. usually small team. go to their boss, say, hi, look at me, look at my beautiful plumage and captivating mating dance, please hire me, pleassseee. his team will say no, they will say things like "I don't know about that kiddo", "That guy seems like a candy-ass", they will read your papers and look at you in the eyes and say it is not compelling, the boss will kind of hire you anyway. if he doesn't you're fucked. if he does you're now a

STAFF ENGINEER

for fifteen minutes and then

ADVISORY/SENIOR/SPECIAL ENGINEER

and the suffering is over. no code minimal jira + squad of gremlin zerglings under your boss whom you can rank-pull and delegate bullshit to, they will be mostly suckers, take advantage of this. 80% of keystrokes/clicks will be in production of beautiful wonderful lovely .docx and .xlsx's, what a godsend, only in an emergency are you allowed to fuck with your zergling's code, usually in a cool way with bullshit procedure removed.

i worked on high performance computing shit. "what the fuck do you mean 2PB or so in and out a day on flash memory", "what the fuck do you mean special infiniband intel MPI library on CD-R stored in Craig's filing cabinet???". Meetings with company people: webcams off, responses optional, snideness allowed. Meetings with client: you must have your dress shirt starched and white glove the shit out of those motherfuckers. timezones = skill issue. i don't care where germany is, i don't give a shit, wake up at 3am for a 20m meeting i take on the toilet or while eating a boiled lobster complete with cracker + lobster bib. customers countable on one hand, invoices to customers not countable with 32 bits. no fucking mistakes ever allowed except for like whitepaper drafts, you cannot fuck the pumpkin on this one, your actual job relies on your ability to hit a button and suck down a week's worth of compute and millions of dollars, boiling swimming pool's worth of TDP, one mistake that leads result data to being able to be characterized as flawed and your balls are getting ripped off. Quarterly IRL meetings = normiepilled normiemaxxing. Dress sharp. leave at 5pm on the dot, go to bar with Old Fucker coworkers, drink wrecklessly with them, have a blast, let them give you a tour of a lab you are absolutely 100% not allowed to be inside, buildings that have posted weight limits per sq. ft. exceeding 250lbs, such a blast. every paycheck a FORTUNE every dinner a banquet every meeting an email every keystroke life or death. you get to meet /lib/doug mofos too one of whom i wrote a very poor kind of poem thing about. thats about it. hope this helps

[zot3-flopped]

Certain people in certain fandoms should read this article.

https://www.pajiba.com/celebrities_are_better_than_you/the-myth-and-the-reality-of-the-pr-romance-conspiracy-.php

Fantastic article - plus these comments:

[codeyspace]

Halloween Discount!!!

To inquire, please leave a comment or send an ask to my account! I will contact you as soon as possible!

For more information, please click "keep reading" below!

Art Examples:

Headshots

Half-body

Commission rules:

I am allowed to refuse a service.

Please provide the character reference beforehand the beginning of the commission.

Payment will be paid in Full once the commission is confirmed.

Clients are allowed three minor changes, any following will be an extra 1 USD / 50 php.

I will be sending progress shots the entire duration of the commission.

No refunds once the commission is finished.

My art will not be used for AI/NFT/Harassment.

Please do not remove my Watermark.

Waiting time is 3-7 days, if surpassed, you may contact me for progress.

I will ask permission if I am able to post your commission to my socials.

[infoanalysishub]

PHP Comments : Types, Syntax, Examples & Best Practices

Learn everything about PHP comments including single-line, multi-line, and PHPDoc comments. Explore syntax, real-world examples, best practices, and FAQs to write better PHP code. Understanding PHP Comments: A Complete Guide Comments are an essential part of any programming language, and PHP is no exception. They are used to describe what a specific block of code does, which is extremely…

[phail]

POST CANCELED! My weighted stuffed elephants name is Toto 💞 (and yes, they/them & phey/phem pronouns!)

Original post below

So someone I met in PHP (aka a day psych program to help get me back to functioning as a human in society again instead of the depressed mess I’ve been) got this WEIGHTED stuffed elephant with me (we both have one)

She just told me the name for her elephant is Rebekah. So I texted her back (see above).

Guys, comment below your Dan and Phil related names for my pink anti-anxiety elephant stuffed animal!

I can’t remember all the lore from joining this fandom over a decade ago especially considering my decreasing-by-the-day memory 😭 but I want them to have a dnp related name

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Object permanence

This week only, Barnes and Noble is offering 25% off pre-orders of my forthcoming novel Picks and Shovels.

#20yrsago Hacking the no-fly list is only bad if you like no-fly lists https://web.archive.org/web/20050210021849/http://vitanuova.loyalty.org/weblog/nb.cgi/view/vitanuova/2005/02/07/0

#20yrsago Toronto’s Bakka Books moving back to Queen St, March 1 https://web.archive.org/web/20050207210939/https://bakkaphoenixbooks.com/movingpage.html

#20yrsago EFF app helps sysadmins find sneaky logs before The Man does https://web.archive.org/web/20050213011718/http://www.eff.org/news/archives/2005_02.php

#20yrsago Canadian Internet pharmacies being strong-armed by US pharma http://www.michaelgeist.ca/resc/html_bkup/feb72005.html

#15yrsago Turd transplant leads to rapid weight-gain https://www.bbc.com/news/health-31168511

#10yrsago Anyone who makes you choose between privacy and security wants you to have neither https://www.openrightsgroup.org/blog/the-real-impact-of-surveillance/

#10yrsago The Seven-Year-Old Diet https://memex.craphound.com/2015/02/07/the-seven-year-old-diet/

#10yrsago Andy Offutt, insanely prolific porn pioneer https://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/08/magazine/my-dad-the-pornographer.html

#10yrsago Samsung: watch what you say in front of our TVs, they’re sending your words to third parties https://www.reddit.com/r/technology/comments/2uuvdz/samsung_smarttv_privacy_policy_please_be_aware/

#1yrago The CHIPS Act treats the symptoms, but not the causes https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/07/farewell-mr-chips/#we-used-to-make-things

[sims2packrat]

Hi! thank u for all u do, ur blog is a lifesaver! I was just wondering, do u have any files by ghostic? Specifically their star wars stuff from GOS gardenofshadows(.)org(.)uk/gardenofshadows/index(.)php?topic=28222.()msg654415#msg654415 Their tumblr is dead and they haven't logged into GOS since 2013 :o Thanks in advance :3c

Hello okthxbyee! :-D apologies for the late reply, and thank you so much for including the link!<3 and I'm so glad to hear you find packrat useful!!

Sadly, I couldn't find much :-( I found an archive of their website but that didn't help. Does anyone seeing this have anything from ghostic / ruthlessrabbit? Here are the previews:

Long shot but I saw @equinoxts2 (hi!) commented on the thread back in 2012, do you perhaps still have any of these? :-)

Edit: equinoxts sadly didn't have them!

[jscalzi]

Commenting Problems Update

First, a picture of Charlie, looking very intently at our neighbor’s dog: Second, the problem with commenting looks like to be a miscommunication between my site’s code and PHP 8.1, which will mean absolutely nothing to most of you, but the good news is, WordPress’s folks are cooking up a fix. So hopefully it won’t be too much longer now before we’re back to full functionality. More news when it…

[eeyes]

https://www.reddit.com/r/PHP/comments/10u90o2/i_hate_the_deprecation_of_dynamic_properties/

Drama in the php fandom

[elgatofx]

COMMISSIONS OPEN 💜💜

a lil short on money rn and I could use all the help I can get to pay off my tuition

Reblogs are very appreciated 💜

I have decided to open my commissions here on Tumblr aswell for those that don't have twitter.

More info under the cut

SERVICES💜💜

these are all my services and how much I charge for. Inclusions are all included but feel free to ask any questions in dms or in the comments. 💜

EXTRA INFO💜

Here are all my add ons and important notes.

You may pay thru Paypal or Gcash (for those living in the Philippines).

detailed TOS:

Client must read, understand and agree to all the terms listed below before going through with the commission

Prices may change without further notice (May go higher or lower depending on how tight I am with cash)

I have the right to post commissioned works (With watermark to reduce theft) on my social media platforms and tag you. If you do not want to either be mentioned in my post/remain anonymous and or not have your commission posted. Please specify

ALL MY PRICES ARE ONLY ON EITHER USD OR PHP (for GCash). Commissions can be paid 100% upfront or 50/50 (50% before the sketch and 50% after the sketch). I will not move forward from the sketch unless the other half has been paid.

I have the right to refuse a commission either because I am uncomfortable with the request or it is beyond my capabilities. In an event where I cancel your commission after you have paid, you will receive a full refund. But if you cancel after the sketch has already been approved (I have already started on the lineart, coloring, etc.) you will only get back 50% of what you paid.

Please be patient! I am human and have a life outside of art and commissions. I WILL finish your commission. My turnaround time after I have started on your commission is usually 1-2 months (It may take longer depending on my workload but it rarely happens).

I usually work on commissions at night (8PM - 12AM GMT+8) from Monday to Saturday and on Sundays (Whole day). In an event where I cannot work on your commission due to homework or an upcoming exam. I will be sure to notify you.

I usually post cropped/watermarked WIPs and sometimes (rarely but it happens) stream the process. Please tell me if you have issues regarding this.

I DO NOT condone my art being used for any AI software, resold for a higher price than what you paid for, traced over, used for commercial purposes (unless discussed beforehand) or used for monetary gain.

REVISIONS💜

You only have a max of 3 revisions per commissioned piece.

A fee will be charged if you wish to change something to the final piece. Simple background changes are free (bg color change, etc.)

Additional fee amount will depend on how drastic the change is.

For more questions please message me in any of my socials

Elgatofx_ (Twitter)

Elgatofx (Tumblr)

Krispcross (Discord)

enterelis419@gmail.com (gmail)