#crop and im not editing them again im tired!

[jayskaiart]

💚 2021 - 2022 SKETCHBOOK TOUR 💚

ah my 2021 sketchbook,,,, i love it and i hate it. idk. i was going through so much shit back then (the bugbear page is proof enough of that i think lol), but somehow i managed to draw a lot and have a pretty sketchbook (even if it has some cringe drawings). Though i have to say, many pages are just sketches i drew in class that i sticked there lmfao i didn’t actually draw that much.

i used this sketchbook a bit during 2022 but most of the art is from 2021... i wasn’t able to finish this sketchbook because it brings me back many bad memories and i wanted a fresh start, but looking back this is definitely my favorite sketchbook and i hope i can make another sketchbook like this soon ;w; it’s so colorful and aesthetically pleasing lol i love it

btw i'll post my 2022-2023 sketchbook tour soon too !

[cloudcountry]

Hello, I wanted to ask if you could please write something with Eiland or reader confessing their feelings to the other? It could be intentional or accidental, completely up to you.

I would really appreciate it if you could, but I understand if you don’t have the time. Thank you for reading and I hope you have a lovely day and everyday forward! 💕

SUMMARY: you have a reason to stay in mistria now.

COMMENTS: OH OF COURSE I CAN WRITE THIS <333 I LOVE EILAND MWAH i wrote this in like forty minutes sobs im too tired to edit if you see a typo no you dont

It’s your soft breathing and the way the back of your hand brushes against his that makes his stomach flip, his heart fluttering anxiously in his chest. Eiland isn’t sure how much longer he can hold on to the emotions swelling in his chest, begging and pleading to be set free as if they’ve been imprisoned inside his chest for the better part of two years.

In some way, Eiland supposes they had.

You just look so nice tonight, the most lovely thing you’re wearing being your smile, flashes of teeth as you laugh and the delicate curve of your lips catching his eye. Your laugh is like a siren call, and he finds himself recalling everything he knows about the Mermaid’s Comb in the museum to calm down. While it’s technically not related to sirens, it's the closest thing his scrambled mind can think of right now.

It does little to help when all that blasted comb does it make him think of you lovingly brushing his hair as the fireplace crackles in the background and he tells you about his latest archaeological discovery.

“Eiland?” you whisper, soft as the night breeze and the muted hollering from the Inn.

He makes a noise of acknowledgement, looking over at you. You’re looking at him too, eyes wide and bright, and his heart shudders when he sees the stars from above reflected in your pupils. He swallows, finding the courage in his heart to press the back of his hand right against yours. You gasp, soft and surprised, and Eiland feels so warm.

“There’s...I received an offer from the Capital.” you murmur, voice shaking as you try to maintain your composure, “They heard about my accomplishments in Mistria and wanted me to take on some higher level jobs for some nobles.”

Eiland's heart drops right out of his body, slamming into the cobblestones beneath his feet.

No.

He opens his mouth and you grab his hand, giving him a meaningful look. He shuts his lips tight, pulling them into a thin line, cheeks heating at the touch.

“It got me thinking about...where I want my life to go. I’m not getting any younger.” you admit, “And I don’t want my life to be at the Capital at all. They’ve been badgering me about new jobs and they keep raising the money I could earn but it’s...it’s not enticing.”

Eiland’s eyes are searching yours, unaware of what you’re trying to say, his brain processing your words over and over and over again, trying to find your meaning. Your thumb is stroking the back of his hand and it makes him shiver—if you asked, he could blame it on the wind, but he knows how desperate he is for you to be near him and how badly it affects him when you are.

“I wanted to tell you this first because...well, I’m not sure if you’d feel the same way or not...but I don’t want to leave here. I’m satisfied with what Mistria has given me. I came here for the land, but that land has become my home. And I want to share it with someone someday.”

Him reading to you by the fireplace. Having Adeline over for family dinners. Watering your crops in the morning before you get out of bed. Making you breakfast every morning. Cleaning the house while you’re gone. Having his own home library, a mixture of your tastes and his. You being an in-law to his aunt and sister.

“I was thinking...if I was going to stay here, and if I was going to share my life with someone...well, I...”

You hand feeding him sweets. You two sitting in rocking chairs on a rainy day. You calling him baby or honey or boyfriend or love or darling or husband. The two of you visiting the General Store to pick up groceries. The whole town knowing you’re together.

You swallow, as if preparing for something.

Eiland’s imagination is too far away from him now.

“I would want that person to be you.”

Eiland freezes, flushed cheeks burning and pretty lips parted. His eyes are wide, unbelieving, and with the way his heartbeat pounds in his ears he thinks he’s died and gone to heaven.

“What?” is the only thing he can muster, shaking fingers intertwining with yours, darting eyes searching yours like a man gone mad.

“In other words,” you tear your gaze away, flustered at the proximity, knowing anyone could walk outside of the Inn at any given moment and see you, holding hands with Eiland, nearly pressed against his chest, “I want to be with you.”

Eiland’s face brightens, his arms pulling you into him and you crash against his chest. His arms soften your fall, holding you up and he squeezes you close, nose pressed to your skin and hair tickling your face. You can feel his excited breaths against the warmth of your cheeks and you squirm, flustered and unused to the proximity.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m just so happy.” he sounds like he’s about to cry, hands pressed to your back like you’re his salvation, “I’ve liked you for so long. I didn’t think you’d felt the same.”

“I do.” you confess, wiggling his hold just loose enough to free your hand, running your fingers through his hair, “You’re a treasure Eiland. I like you very much.”

Eiland pulls away and laughs, joyful and boyish, his grin infectious.

“To think, you would deny the Capital for me!” he places a hand over his heart, eyes crinkling in the corners as he gazes upon you adoringly, “My dear, I am smitten with you!”

[b-kaulitzx]

BILL KAULITZ || Pulling you on stage ||

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

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You & your bestfriend, Adam were at a Tokio Hotel concert. It was the late 2000s, people dressing how ever they liked. A few girls with dresses on and jeans. Crop tops, glasses, jeans, jackets. You name it, you were in the 'gothic' part of it. Chunky boots, fishnets, black Jean shorts, crop tops, black small jackets, you name it.

You heard of the band two years ago, by your bestfriend. He wouldn't stop rambling on about them. I personally always liked bill and Georg. They are both extremely hot, now in person you couldn't lay your eyes off them.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

You were staring at Georg, trying not to freak out that Adam got tickets for your birthday week. "YOURE WELCOME Y/N" Adam screams, making sure I can hear even though he screamed right by my ear. "YEAH THANKS A". A few minutes pass, jamming out to Schrei. I notice Bill walking closer to the front of the stage, and then winks in my direction. He gets even more closer and puts a hand out, reaching for me. I turn to Adam and act surprised(😦), I turn back around to Bill, grabbing his hand. Security pushing me up, I reaching the stage I turn to the crowd and then back to Bill. "Whats your name, Schatz?" He says into the Mike and points the microphone to my mouth. The crowd goes wild, screaming. "Oh! Um y/n!" . I say, holding in my excitement, "Well y/n, why don't you come back stage after we got done,". He winks at you, "that would be nice" I smile, bill turning back to the crowd and starts signing again, about a few seconds later, turning the microphone to you. You guess you have to finish the lyrics. You do and he nods, this goes on until the show is done.

Adam cheers you on from the crowd, being louder than usual. You smile at him and once the show is over, most of the people are gone, you spot Adam and get down to the stage sitting on the edge while he rests his arms on the railing. The band is getting water and snacks while u wait for them to get done. "Y/N! jesus how was it, if that was me i would have literally cried! " He says, his fvoice raspy from yelling. "Oh my god adam, it was fucking amazing. Surprisingly didnt get stage fright". He claps softly, "look, snice your gonma chill out with the band, I'm gonna go home okay? He's some money to get a cab, plus you guys will probably be drinking so that's even better". He throws a 50 dollar bill at you, missing the stage and falling on the floor. He winks and leaves, "adam? Bro im not getting off this stage!" You yell at him, he turns around and laughs. "Oh my God, damn it" you jump down from, the stage, grabbing it and stuffing it in your back pocket. You turn around trying to get back on the stage, you keep failing. You turn around, facing the few little people in the crowd, trying to jump on stage while a few people look at you is kinda embarrassing. You hear someone's voice "need help?" You turn around and see Georg, a layer of sweat on his face. "Oh! Please, I've been trying for the last like 2 minutes". He reaches his hand out for you, grabbing it and pulling you up. "That wasnt hard, Y/n" He grins, "it is when im not tall enough" he let's out a small laugh, "come on, Bill hasnt shut up about you snice we left the stage". He leads you to a black current and pushing it over you, you go under it and see the rest of the band. "Oh bill, shes here" He tunes out, "ah, y/n!" he turns to me and smiles, "your singing was awesome Y/n!' Bill says, walking up to me and shooing Georg away. "Thanks, bill. You were amazing yourself".

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

I honestly wanna add more but i just pulled an all nighter and im tired. ive had this thing SIT in my drafts for like 5 days so yeahhh. Also this is so long my bad yall, this was supposed to be like 2 paragraphs💀 Also didnt proof read because im lazy (an edit, i was on laughing gas, I thought about ts while in the dentists chair getting a root canal💀)

[the-elderly-are-evolving]

gay twilight princess character headcanons bc it pride month

look im sure someone else has done it but idc i have A Lot Of Feelings rn and they have 2 go somewhere so get on board or get off ma ass about it

Link:

u no him, u love him, he has like 3 pixels in this game and all of them r doing their best!

he's coming from a conservative little backwater (i say this as the unfortunate alum of a conservative little backwater myself-- sorry, but Ordon's main export is like. goats or w/ever, there's no way there aren't any trump supporters in that town), but i think once he travels around n gets 2 experience different things on his quests n shit he starts 2 unravel some of that internalized homophobia & becomes a great ally and, dare i say it, a little bi-curious

"but, gabe," i hear u say, "link is such a nonbinary icon, what about the transmasc & transfemme gender envy???" and 2 that i say mmmmm yea yea ik, but i don't think he sees it in himself yet, i think that comes later when he's got more adult confidence n shit. like i can see a 20's/30's link with long luscious braided hair wearing crop tops and mini skirts 2 show off his sick nasty battle scars while he picks ppl up at the bar

final verdict is bi and, later, genderqueer, although i think he's one of those ppl who doesn't really care about labels/ pronouns bc he is simply 2 busy sparkle emoij boots the house down slaying monsters hahahah get it im hilaris

Midna:

now that's a she/they if ever i've met one

one of those ppl whose gender presentation is mostly just looking like a scruffy & stinky goblin cretur 95% of the time except 4 that like. 2% of the time they actually make an effort and turn out****

def has a bro-code friendship w link where they both just don't talk about their feelings and instead r violent together love this little war criminal & her dog best friend

ur 1st instinct is lesbian, but look a little closer, and u will soon realize that this is simply a pansexual with a strong preference 4 women in their natural habitat

i think she is trying 2 b a responsible queer bc she knows link is unfamiliar w the community n she is trying 2 b a good ambassador between link n the gays uhhhhh unfortunately she is simply 2 busy trying 2 commit crimes & being like. a chronically online 20-year old or however old she's supposed 2 be & i think link comes away more confused than ever b4

****couple things here: a) ik that doesn't add up to 100%-- i am gay, what part of do not talk 2 me about numbers don't u understand b) ik midna was literally cursed 2 b an imp by zant, but it doesn't change anything in my mind and u can't convince me that she didn't just pull out her "true form" bullshit 2 try an seduce zelda at the end of the game c) no i have no personal experience with this gender presentation at all how dare you insinuate anything of the sort i have totally showered this week totally now shut up

Zelda:

Lesbian, no further questions ur honor

Furthermore, femme lesbian, often gets Assigned Straight On Sight & is very tired of getting hit on by straight men

One of those gays who wear wacky silly n fun statement earrings so other queer ppl know they're gay

We don't actually see her a lot in this game so there's not much 2 go off of with her characterization... this zelda has had a lot of pressure put on her what with being the sole leader of her people in this time of extreme stress, & so i think she is very competent & composed & controlled, but out of necessity, which will prob lead her 2 rebel later in life & act out a little when the country is not at war & she gets to be more of a child again.... basically what im saying is twilight princess should've had a sequel n it should've started w zelda deciding she's punk now, shaving her head, and making link help her run away from home

EDIT: how did i not see this b4...... i have been a fool...... zelda is secretly an astrology gay. it's one of her guilty pleasures bc she knows it's prob not real n the planets prob aren't doing anything w ppl's personalities, but she can't help but b like oooh but wouldn't it b fun if the real reason zant was such a little bitch was just bc his pisces is in retrograde?

[jae-daddy]

Blind

jaebum!dickhead 

masterlist

pairing: jaebum x reader genre: angst plot: you overhear your boyfriend Jaebum and his friends talking rudely about you.  a/n: this was written a long time ago lol. I thought I’d post it instead of deleting it. not edited. hope y’all like it

“Dude, I can’t believe she followed you here,” you heard Yugyeom, as you neared the pool table the boys were surrounding.

Your eyes easily found Jaebum, as he leaned forward to take a shot. His black leather jacket stretching over his broad shoulders, his hair styled in a perfectly messy way. Even with his back towards you, you still felt butterflies flutter in your tummy as you thought of the way he looked tonight.

You thought back to the car ride. His hand on your thigh, inching higher until it slipped under your short skirt. He loved it when you wore short skirts and tight tops. It drove him crazy, he could never keep his hands off you. 

Just as he had struggled to keep himself from parking his car at some random place and fuck you before you reached the party. You remember his throaty growl as he ripped his hand away from tracing your panty and to the steering wheel. 

His jaw tight as his clenched the wheel, his knuckles turning white. 

“I won’t be able to stop if I start baby,” he looked over at you, his eyes dark and filled with promise. You wanted him to do it, you didn’t care about this party. 

But Jaebum did. 

It was his friend’s party, and as a part of the popular kids troupe, he needed to show up. 

“She didn’t follow him, she just misunderstood,” Youngjae clarified, his voice teasing. “Right, Jaebum?”

You stopped in your tracks, feeling your stomach drop.

“You really need to learn to draw boundaries with her bro,” Jackson told Jaebum as he missed a shot. You saw Jaebum grimace at the missed shot, before looking up to meet Jackson’s eyes. When he didn’t say anything, Jackson sighed, “She can’t keep following you-”

“Y/n is not following me,” Jaebum cut him off. You let go of the breath you were holding in, the tight line your lips were drawn into relaxed slightly.

“Was she invited?” Nate asked, shooting Jaebum a knowing smirk.

“No,” Jaebum sighed.

“Did you invite her?”

“Well, no.”

You felt like you were about to vomit. 

“Y/n is always clinging to your side,” Nick told him, before taking a sip of his beer. “You are never free to do anything. You are always with her, it’s like y’all are in a relationship.

“If you were hitting that, then I’d support you, bro,” Yugyeom mumbled, shrugging.

“Yeah right,” Nate snorted. “like anyone would hit that.”

You watched Jaebum, waiting for him to say something, but he didn’t. He just stared at Nate, with a grimace barely noticable.

“Dude, be honest,” Nate smiled at Jaebum, “would you hit that?”

When Jaebum didn’t reply, Nate’s smile grew bigger, “Has she tried hooking up with you?”

You felt sick.

Your mind instantly went to that night when you had kissed Jaebum. The night that had started it all. You were at a party just like this, and somehow you both ended up in the same bedroom hiding away. 

You were waiting for your friend to finish hooking up and were tired to creeps so you hid the room. Jaebum stumbled in a few minutes later. 

You were scared at first, thinking it was a drunk boy. You were terrified because the music was so loud you weren’t sure if anyone would be able to hear you if you had screamed for help.

But your panic turned into interest as you saw the staggering figure straighten as they closed the door. You watched Jaebum fall onto the bed and let out an exhausted sigh. You saw him pull out his phone, dialling someone as he pinched his nose, “Hello, 911?” 

Jaebum wouldn’t let you out of his sight after he spotted you. You knew too much. You had the power to ruin his popularity. So you ended up spending the whole night with Jaebum, talking about random things. 

By the end of the night, you realised there was more to him then the superficial bad boy act he puts up. You couldn’t help yourself but kiss him before you had to leave. 

it felt like a final goodbye. You knew that after that night ended, you would never get the chance again. So you took the chance, you kissed him. 

And, he kissed you back. 

He had pulled you in, bringing you to his lap. He had stopped you two before things got too heated. And then, he snuck into your bedroom for more late night conversations. 

Jaebum had asked you to be his girlfriend a month ago. A month had passed and no one knew that you and Jaebum were together. People thought it was a unlikely pair, but it was friendship at most. 

“No way!” Yugyeom gasped, “For real? What happened?”

Jaebum just shook his head. You could see the smug smile on his face, and it hurt your heart.

Just an hour ago, he was holding back from railing you in the backseat of his car. 

You snapped out of your thoughts as you watched Jaebum move around the table. You watched his face as he spoke. 

“I told her I was coming here tonight, and she kind of just tagged along,” Jaebum sighed, ignoring the comments. He scratched the back of his head nervously, as he studied the guys staring at him. The other boys looked at him with knowing looks as they shook their heads. “I know I should’ve clarified, but I feel bad for her.”

You were actually going to be sick. You dug your nails into your palms, biting your lip tightly to stop yourself from crying in the middle of the party. You knew you should walk away, but you wanted to hear it. Even as it hurt your heart.

Even if it felt like Jaebum sunk his claws into your chest and wrenched your heart out. You wanted to hear what your boyfriend had to say about you.

There was Im Jaebum, your boy friend, standing in a group with his friends, talking about how he felt bad for you.

You felt your heart sink, and your stomach churn, as you heard him continue.

“She's been through a lot. None of her friends talk to her anymore, I can’t just tell her to buzz off,” Jaebum explained, his voice coated with desperation wanting his friends to understand, to agree with his justification. “And it’s not too bad. She’s here doing her thing, and I’m doing mine.”

“Bro,” Yugyeom gave him a dry look, snorting at Jaebum, “how can you be doing your thing when you can’t even hook up with other girls because you have to take her home?”

“I don’t need to-”

“Sara is here,” Youngjae smirked at Jaebum. You saw Jaebum freeze at her name. He had said her name a few times to you before, “She asked about you.”

“Bro!” Yugyeom gaped at Jaebum who still hadn’t found it in himself to start moving again. “Sara!”

Finally, Jaebum leaned against the table. His hands grabbing the edge, as his shoulders fell with his head as he sighed, “Fuck.”

“You could be hooking up with Sara but you’re stuck babysitting,” Youngjae laughed.

“Hey, but she looked kind of all right tonight,” Nate shrugged. “That little crop top of hers really shows those,” he held up his hands in front of him gesturing to your boobs. “I mean, I would pity fuck that. Give her the gift of knowing a good time.”

Your feet began moving backwards as you started moving away from the group. You couldn’t hear anymore. You can’t stand there and watch as your boyfriend acted like you didn’t matter to him. You can’t stand there, listen and pretend that what they said didn’t hurt you, that it didn’t hurt you that Im Jaebum might have never loved you at all. 

You bumped into someone, and you turned around apologising.

You didn’t want to hear what else they had to say. You didn’t want to see how else Jaebum would let them talk about you. You didn’t want to find out how Jaebum thought of you.

“Shit, sorry,” you whispered, your voice shaking. You lifted your gaze to find soft brown ones looking at you with sympathy. His hands gently rested on your shoulders as he steadied your stumbling feet.

“It’s okay,” Mark said, softly. He was part of their group. If he wasn’t behind you, he would probably be standing next to Jackson, laughing along with them. You didn’t want his sympathy. 

You didn’t want anything from him. 

Your eyes began burning as his eyes drifted behind to the group of boys laughing, before settling back on you.

“Are you okay?” Mark asked. You brushed his hands off your shoulders and took a step back.

You didn’t meet his eyes as you nodded, unable to speak.

You walked around him, and headed straight for the door. You didn't look back at Jaebum or stop until you were outside the house. 

Even then, you kept walking down the street, your feet picking up speed as you tried running away from the loud noises in your head.

You felt sick, you felt tired.

Your heart broke into a tiny million pieces as their words kept replying in your mind. But that’s not what broke you.

The thing that hurt you the most was Jaebum. He didn’t do anything, he didn’t say anything. He just let them, he laughed with them, he agreed with them.

You stopped when your lungs started to burn, and you couldn't go any further. 

You called for an Uber and waited on the side of the road. You stared at your phone, waiting for Jaebum to notice you were missing. 

You wanted him to text you, to call you. You wanted him worry about you, to show any proof that he did like you back. Even a silver of how much you loved him, you wanted even the slightest of his love back. 

It was all you needed to help you stay together and not fall apart. 

You stared at the screen as the Uber pulled up. You stared at it all through the ride. You didn’t look up as you thanked the driver. 

You locked the door as you entered your house. You stared at the phone, biting your lips. 

You shouldn’t send him anything. He hadn’t even noticed. 

But then, against your better judgement, you decided to send it, ‘I’m home.’

You changed and got into your bed, covering yourself with your blankets. 

You didn’t shower. You were too tired to shower. You were too tired to do anything. You were too tired to even close your eyes and pretend to go to sleep. 

You knew sleep wasn’t going to come easily tonight. Not when you kept on thinking about the smile on Jaebum’s face as he listened to his friends talk about you. Not when you remembered the way his shoulders and head slummed with defeat when he found out Sara had asked about him. 

There was no way sleep was coming easy to you when all you wanted to do was cry.

You didn’t cry though.

You tried not to cry, you tried to hold back the tears, at first. But then, you couldn’t stop them. The tears silently rolled down your face, as you lay on your side.

You felt the pillow get wet, but you ignored it as you blankly stared at the wall instead. Your hands desperately clenched the blanket, as you tried to calm yourself down, before you began uncontrollably sobbing. 

Jaebum’s reply came a few minutes later. ‘What?’

‘Are you alright?’

‘Are you sleeping?’

‘Should I come over?’

After five minutes, your phone rang.

You saw Jaebum’s name on the phone. 

Your chest ached seeing his name on the phone. You wanted to pick it up. 

But, you ignored it and turned the phone over as you slipped it under your pillow.

It rang again, and again. Three more times, before you picked it up.

“What the fuck?!” He gnarled into the phone, you could hear the wind rushing past him. It sounded like he was speeding somewhere. 

You didn’t say anything, just waited for him to continue.

“Are you okay? Why did you leave early?”

“I’m okay,” you rasped, your voice hurting your throat. “I don’t feel well. I’m going to sleep.”

“You sound horrible,” Jaebum replied softly, the panic in his voice subsiding. The softness in his voice made new tears escape down your face. You moved away from the phone and wiped your tears.“Do you want me to come over, babe?”

You hated it. 

You hated how your heart trembled when he called your baby. 

“No,” you rasped, your lower lip trembling as you held back a sob, “I just need to be alone.”

You sniffled your nose as you swallowed, your vision blurring.

Jaebum remained quiet for a moment, the wind rushing past slowing down now, “Okay, take care. Call me tomorrow, okay, babe?”

“Goodbye, Jaebum,” was all you said before ending the call.

You didn't hold it back anymore.

Your body curled into a ball, as it began shaking furiously as sobs raked through you.

Your hand clasped over your mouth as you sobbed into the dark night.

Your heart, broken and bleeding by the one boy you had trusted.

[wildcardaces]

@ruby-static "such unfortunate Nicknames" edition!

First we had batman. Now we have 2 more these guys just cant escape XD

But first! Maddy!

Maddy: the recipe didn't ask for brown sugar to be added with the crust mix.

Maddy: its a good thing i caught that in time!

Maddy: cause honestly that mightve been the last straw for me...

Anna: omg maddy no-

On the oppersite end of the cooking spectrum, orion cant cook to save her life, maddy? Absolute chef and makes the best baked goods around. She just sometimes makes mistakes with the recipes here and there as anna has discovered XD

Anna: shawn? You okay dude?

Shawn: im running on a giant mug of tea and the grace of god.

Shawn stayed up all night cramming for an epf test and now he's just so tired. Anna once again gonna make him rest

Bonnie: no! No. Bad.

Takumi: bonnie please-

Takumi was about to go teach some grunts a bit of a lesson but bonnie just stops him! The fella quickly stops afterwards

And the finale!

"So! What do the humans call you?"

"C-crop top..."

"Oh. Lmao, they call me crème fraiche"

Poor fellas getting nicknames that they'll never live down and i absolutely love them!

[khaleesiofalicante]

OK I GOT 5 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT WHICH IS PRETTY OK IG (I did stay up to read the fic-) BOTH MY TESTS WENT LIKE SHIT, I HAD AN ANXIETY ATTACK IN PROGRAMMING CLASS BECAUSE BY TEACHER IS A LITTLE SHIT WHO KEPT ON YELLING AT ME WHEN I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING AND I SPENT LUNCH ALONE BUT AT LEAST NOW IM ALONE WITH MY LAPTOP SO YAYAYAYYA

first of all, this chapter right here is my comfort chapter from now on. i said what i said. I will be rereading it again and again just because i can. it was PERFECTION

here's me going crazy at 2 am yesterday.

MAGNUS' CHAPTER

LET'S GO LET'S GO LET'S GO

AHHHHHHH IT'S THEIR ANNIVERSARY

SCREAM

oh

alec shaved his beard because it made him look older

RAFAEL WAS SO UPSET AFTER THE MEXICO ATTACK BECAUSE OF ANJALI RIGHT??

magnus and alec are the oblivious parents istg

“Are you decent?” Max yelled. “I don’t want to be traumatized again.”

“Hey! We agreed not to talk about that!” Alec yelled back.

Im not even surprised at this point

“Happy anniversary, bapa!” Rafael kissed him on the cheek and handed him the flowers.

“Where are my flowers?” Alec asked.

Rafael plucked a rose from the bouquet and threw it at Alec. “Here you go.”

“Thanks, son,” Alec mumbled.

IM WHEEZING

DAVID BAKES

“David made it,” Max said shyly. "

Oh,” Alec replied and then shrugged. “Well, the icing could be a little sweeter I think.”

Ever since Max started dating, Alec had become incredibly protective. Alec liked David of course – it was impossible to find someone who didn’t. But that didn’t mean Alec approved.

And it didn’t help that the blond boy was absolutely terrified of Alec.

ALEC STOP TEASING HIM

THE BOY IS ALREADY SCARED

“I don’t know,” Alec analysed the card. “David used too much glitter.”

“Since when do you have a problem with excessive glitter?” Max demanded.

ALEC

“I didn’t use him!” Max huffed. “He was thoroughly compensated for his efforts!”

“Compensated how?” Alec asked.

“Uh,” Max said. “With donuts.”

when i saw donuts i immediately thought of rose and luisa from jtv

iykyk

but should i continue the show? i got tired of jane continuously embarrasing herself

“You expect us to follow rules?” Alec asked in surprise. “In our own home? On our anniversary?”

The warlock boy grinned wickedly before leaning close to Alec.

“You better do it, or I will tell everyone about your secret,” Max whispered.

Alec blinked at that.

the secret...

I DONT LIKE HOW MANY THINGS POPPED INTO MY HEAD

is highschool musical that bad? i havent watched it. should i?

what if i cried

i just wanna hug alec??? but i cant say it'll be ok because it wont

“Is that why you are not attending?” Magnus grinned at his friend. “Or is it because you are terrified of Georgia?”

“That child is the reincarnation of Christopher Lightwood!” Ragnor complained. “I heard she made explosives out of demon ichor! Who makes explosions out of demon ichor?”

RAGNOR IS PROBABLY GETTING FLASHBACKS

THESE STUPID FUCKING BITCHES

how tf do you think we have survived huh??

medicine that's how

vaccines, anti biotics and what not

stop being close-minded and fucking do it

ok i know the risk is great

BUT OTHERWISE THEY ALL DIE

it was different for warlocks. The Shadow World was their universe. The nephilim kept it safe. At one point in their lives, they had learned to coexist with them, out of necessity and out of obligation.

And now here they were – working together in the name of friendship and love.

how things change...

what

say what

the causes are what

ok let's not jump to conclusions

im fucking crying wtf

alec doesnt deserve this shit

all he's done is make the world a better place

hes worked so hard on this

RAZIEL CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF

what am i supposed to say to my parents if one of them comes to check on me and im sitting here crying at 2 am

He didn’t want to believe in a reality that would punish Alec. Alec who only wanted to do what is good and right.

Alec was who was losing his hope and strength every passing day. Alec who was struggling. Alec who was turning to desperate measures to cope with all the stress.

please alec

no please

THE ANGELS ARE BITCHES

Because if Magnus found out Raziel was the one causing all this pain for Alec, he would march up to heaven and set the bastard on fire himself.

AND I'LL GO WITH HIM

KNEW THE SPY WAS LIVVY

AWW RAGNOR LIKES SELENA THATS SO SWEET

blue and gold

STOP IT IM CRYING AGAIN

The shadowhunter was a good influence on him. Magnus hoped Alec would see it sooner rather than later.

HUH

HUHU

HUH

omg

GIGI GETTING A SIBLING

“Max isn’t allowed to do a lot of things,” Magnus chuckled. “But he does them anyway.”

thats my boi

GASP

]THE NECKLACE

rafael is growing into the consul voice

they grow up so fast

nope nope he's still the little 5 year old

voice cracking what do you mean he's 20

im glad hes happy with mila. or is he...?

Magnus had deduced as much. Alec lived in his beautifully oblivious world. But Magnus noticed.

He noticed the hickeys. He noticed the late-night visits. He noticed the tense phone calls.

well thank god there's at least one non-oblivious person (alec i love you so much but you are very very oblivious)

“What’s stopping you then?” Magnus asked.

"2554 miles,” Rafael chuckled sadly.

me with all my online friends

probably more miles

Magnus tried to do the math but promptly gave up.

me

But Alec did lie though. Magnus pushed the thought away.

NOT NOW

LET ME LIVE IN PEACEFUL OBLIVION

HUSH

“Except melt it?” Rafael chuckled.

“Yes,” Magnus chuckled back. “As you can see, the bar is extremely low in the Lightwood family.”

AHHIUCCDSKUHDCV

i have no clue what the words describing the outfit are

time to google

OK PRETTY

Fifteen years. Fifteen years of loving and Alec still made his heart stutter.

dont do this to me right now I WILL CRY

“What the hell?” Max exclaimed. “Why are you all dressed up?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, it’s my anniversary,” Alec chuckled.

Max-

Fifteen years. Fifteen years and Magnus still took Alec’s breath away.

HJCSDHJBJDHSGCDYGJVVC JHVDFYMJ

it's not funny MY EYES ARE WATERING

“Bapak is a good looking one in the family,” Rafael pointed out. “You are the chaotic one and I am the smart one.”

“What am I then?” Alec asked dryly. “A sack of potatoes?”

“You’re the sexy one,” Magnus grinned. “A sexy sack of potatoes.”

yes.

Alec grinned back and leaned forward. Magnus put his hands around Alec’s neck and kissed him. He kissed Alec with all the love he had inside his heart.

Just like the first time. Just like the hundredth time. Just like the thousandth time.

Because with Alec, every kiss mattered. Every single one.

muffled sob

“Stop making out, oh my god!” Max groaned.

Magnus sensed a pillow coming their way but Rafael caught it before it hit them.

“Max, stop!” Rafael scolded. “You will wrinkle dad’s suit and ruin bapak’s hair! I spent hours ironing both!”

why is max me when i see people display affection in front of me

ALSO RAFAEL HKUIUIDCSKIHUDFVHJDFVHU

“They are here,” Rafael said. “You two better look exactly the way you did when I left with Max or I will raise hell.”

IM SCREAMING

Selena was wearing a blue crop top with the words “MIND YOUR OWN UTEREUS” written in gold.

i need that top

DAVID'S SHIRT IS THE COLOR OF MAX'S MAGIC

AHH ISABELLE DOESNT KNOW SHE'S PREGNANT YET

The argument of “who gave the best gift” had started when Jace and Izzy had gotten drunk on vodka. It didn’t help that Alec had gotten drunk as well. All three Lightwood siblings had then proceeded to have an argument about who had the best spouse. The whole night had been drunken chaos. Magnus, Clary and Simon had let them have it since the Lightwood siblings had a tendency to carry the world on their shoulders even when nobody asked them. They rarely ever let loose ever since their worlds had plunged into sickness and demon attacks. Especially Alec. So, Magnus had let his husband be that 18-year-old boy again. The boy who got drunk and fought with his siblings and sang songs about Magnus’ pretty eyes.

OH MY GOD THE CHAOS

Georgia considered that. “I’m not allowed to melt it, right?”

“No,” they all replied in chorus.

LET GIGI MELT IT

SELENA IM SO PROUD OF YOU

“Dad,” Max said. “Can you keep a picture of me wearing this necklace in your office?”

“Why?” Rafael asked.

“I think it will piss off the boomers,” Max giggled.

“Nice!” Lexi grinned. “A downworlder wearing a shadowhunter heirloom? They will lose their heads. Uncle Alec, you must do it.”

“I will do you one better. I will hang a tapestry,” Alec chuckled.

YASSS I CANT WAIT FOR THE SHADOWHUNTERS TO BE PISSED

AWW THEY DIDNT KNOW THE NECKLACE USED TO BELONG TO MAGNUS

he actually gave to camille first-

Why couldn’t this boy just cause chaos during his travel year like the rest of them? Why did he actually study and do his research as recommended?

why would you NOT study and research during your travel year????

oh shit

well well well

david bby stfu

i love you but pls stop speaking for all our sakes

“Holy shit,” Max said. “It is expensive then!”

“Don’t pawn the ruby!” Rafael warned.

MAX NO-

OH THE STONE COMES FROM EDOM

oh no

pls dont fight

oh so i was wrong about magus confronting him from that snippet

all you need to know is im sobbing right now and grammarly is the only thing making this coherent

dont mind me just

NO I FORGOT ABOUT MAX AND DAVID

GET BACK IN THE ROOM YOU IDIOTS

don't do this to me at 3 am

OK THE DILF PART

thank you for adding light into my life again

(me while editing this: today really isn't my day huh? i just slipped in rainwater outside my balcony because I heard rain and ran there. now my knee and back hurt and I think I sprained (?) my toe-

ANYWAY

wait im gonna go check out the rain and then continue editing this

ok i got bored of the rain)

that made me laugh through my tears

“Objectively good looking?” Jace snorted. “Excuse you, but my parabatai is smoking hot! He is a freaking prize, okay? If we had a magazine for hot shadowhunters, you would be on the cover page. Every single issue.”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Alec interrupted. “Magnus, are you happy? Now all my friends have told me I am pretty.”

“I said smoking hot,” Jace corrected.

“We are not being biased,” Clary pointed out. “It is the general consensus, Alec.”

“It’s true,” Lexi said. “So many people have asked me for your number, Uncle Alec. And I would have given it to them if I wasn’t worried about being turned into a marshmallow.”

LEXI DUHDUGHUDFCUHKVDFUIKFDU

“Dad, I don’t know why you are so worried,” Max said in a bored tone. “You’re a told DILF.”

David choked on his champagne and Jace patted him on the back.

“What the hell is a DILF?” Alec demanded.

“Oh, I know this one!” Jace said excitedly. “It means Dashing and Irresistible Looking Father. Max is right, you are a total DILF.”

“Mr. Herondale-” David raised a hand.

“I heard one of the shadowhunters in their travel year calling me a DILF too,” Jace said proudly.

THAT IS NOT WHAT DILF MEANS OH MY GOD

“It’s not a rumour,” Selena spoke up and passed her phone. “There is a group chat at Scholomance just to thirst after you.”

add me to it

ALL THE COMMENTS I CANT BREATHE

“Alec Lightwood can run me over with a Maserati and I would thank him.”

“Give me that,” Izzy grabbed the phone and started giggling. “Petition for Consul Alec Lightwood-Bane to stab me with his mortal sword.”

“Isabelle!” Alec hissed, cheeks flaming. “Stop it!”

“I want one!” Jace grabbed the phone now. “By the Angel!”

“Read it!” the kids yelled in chorus.

“I would gladly let Consul Lightwood-Bane inspect my mortal instruments,” Jace chuckled and threw the phone at David.

David shook his head vehemently and threw it at Max.

“My body is just a hole for Alec Lightwood,” Max read out loud and started laughing so hard that he fell off his chair.

Lexi grabbed the phone and giggled. “I want the Consul to strip off my runes among other things.”

She passed the phone to Gigi, who looked at the phone and look at Alec.

“Uncle Alec,” the girl said. “This person wants you to crush them with your massive archer arms.”

“Give me that,” Rafael grabbed it now. “Aw, this one is a classic, dad. Alec Lightwood turned me gay.”

He threw the phone at Simon, who stared the screen and looked up. “Uh, I don’t think I can read this one out loud in front of the kids.

“Is this the one about the basement?” Selena chuckled and Simon nodded.

WHAT'S THE BASEMENT ONe

TELL ME

AWW GIGI AND LEXI PUTTING MAKEUP ON DAVID AND MAX RECORDING IT

google translator time

oooo Rafael's gonna talk with Mila

Magnus you're such a good father

seriously

“Sometimes things are just sad. So, you need to let yourself be sad.”

YES

SAY IT LOUDER

THEY ARE UNDER THE BED

AHHH MAX AND DAVID

DAVID CALLED HIM MY ANGEL IN FRENCH

Alec and Magnus hiding under the bed and spying on them is just-

Jace had tried to give Max the shovel talk and had gotten a little too emotional.

of course, he did smh I love him so much

“David doesn’t need a shovel talk,” Alec smiled. “He knows what would happen to him if he hurts my son.”

David gulped. “You will throw me into the silent city?”

“I will ask me husband to portal you to hell,” Alec said – Consul Voice. “We have relatives there.”

the beloved relatives yes

“Goodnight,” Jace gave them a salute. “Have fun inspecting Magnus’ mortal instruments.”

JACE

OH SO THE QUESTION WAS ABOUT SMOKING

damn it

oh my god guys he said he'll stop smoking

just lemme have this moment

my boy's lungs will be intact

HIS LUNGS WILL BE OK

“I can’t wait to see all the messages on the chat after that,” Magnus giggled.

Alec looked up. “I’m more than a tall glass of water, Magnus!”

SCREAMING

In his dream, he saw them again. But they weren’t smiling this time.

what

wait

THE PROPHETIC DREAMS

nope nope nope

Nah I don't know what you're talking about

haha

damn, I think I really hurt my back...

OK BUT THE IMMORTALITY ANGST???? WAS SO SO GOOD???? I know it makes me cry but is it bad that I'm always so excited for angst written by you because of HOW GOOD it is????

"When I die I will love you from my grave" I NEED THIS ON MY FOREHEAD OH MY GOD I LOVE THESE TWO SO SO MUCH

alright I need to get something for my back and my knee (I'm home alone so this will be fun)

OK, I THINK THE NEXT CHP WILL BE ANJALI'S POV I JUST FEEL IT!!! I miss my girl so much I hope she's doing ok. Jaime too...

I'm rereading all of these chapters after chapter 10 because why not. Bye!!

OKAY I AM GLAD YOU LIKED IT BUT I AM ALSO DEEPLY WORRIED ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.

I hope your knee and back feels better soon!

also fuck that teacher yelling something doesn't make people understand it any better ugh dumb piece of shit anyway screw that person.

I hope you get some good rest and recovery from this rollercoaster of a day.

Take care!

[darling-of-dark]

Rock, Relationships, and Roses

Hey y’all I just wanted to thank  you so much for reading this fic it’s only my second fic ever so please be kind! Also this is a crack fic and attempt attempt at my dry humor and I didn’t edit it because I was so excited to post it so I hope u enjoy!

~Chapter one~

“Ms.archoron, are you paying any attention at all?”

Feyre's head flew up as Mr. Cran dropped a text book next to her head, “sorry, i had-” “My class is not for sleeping ,its for learning now back to the revolutionary war…”

Feyre once again drowned out the sound of mr. cran as she stared at the clock 6 more hours till the show she thought it had been months of envious waiting to see if nesta had got the job for being the photographer for the city paper. Last night they had gotten the call and three free backstage passes for the show.

As soon as the bell rang, Eeyre was out of the class and running down the hall out the doors and to the bus stop. When feyre got home nesta was in the living room sleeping on the couch drool running down out of her mouth

“Up up up up we're going to be late! And if we're late we won't have time to talk to them”

With a loud grown nesta had gotten off the couch. Nesta had heard of the job through clare who interns for the velaris times and she only recognised the name from the giant poster in Feyre’s bedroom wingspan apparently they were a big rock group, witch was not nestas cup of tea she preferred classical music and melodies but definitely not screamo, feyre played it so loud it hurt her ears and almost got them evicted from the dingy downtown two bedroom apartment that there father had left them with three years ago, that and 50,000 dollars in debt. Sense then nesta had been working three jobs so Elain and feyre could go to school full time.

“Look what i picked up on my detore to school this morning” feyre said as she pulled out a necklace from the side pocket

“Where the hell did you get that, oh gods feyre what have i told you about stealing?” nesta said as she looked on the price

“this costs more than our heating bill”

“Oh come on nes if its chain it's free rain, plus the alarm was so easy to get off its like they were asking for it to be stolen” when nesta gave her the “look” she shoved it in nestas hand

“It is for you by the way , don't worry I took the earrings and the bracelet is for Elain” Feyre said, pushing her hair back to reveal the matching earring. Nesta could admit it was a beautiful gold chain with a seated red swarovski crystal

“Uh know to wear to the best night of our lives to night!”

“Well thank you yuh damn klepto”

~~~

“What the hell” rhys said as he was awoken by a crash from the dressing room next door, he got off the couch and banged on the door

“Shut the fuck up i was trying to sleep”

“Uh sorry we’ll try to keep it down a little more” Cassian said as Rhys rolled his eyes when he heard a girl laughing from the other side of the door. rhys walked back over to his room and sat back on the couch , he knew he wasn't going to sleep there was no point in even trying insomnia was a pain in the ass and definitely not a friend of his , it kept him awake at night he tried every vitamin and medication but it only ever lasted a few days and left him with night terrors that woke everyone on the tour bus.it was no use 1 to 2 hours was a average night for him. The band had been touring for one year and was almost done , of course until the next tour it was a never ending hell that had been happening for the past 5 years since their debut album.

“Excuse me mr.moon sir?” rhys heard from the outside of the door

“Yes?”

“ sound check is in 15”

“Yeah yeah whatever” rhys said in an aggravated tone. It was three hours till the show and already there were people lined down the streets of velaris to see them perform and if rhys was being honest it was the only thing keeping him going , at first it was a dream all the money, partying and girls but now it wasn't enough he was sick and tired of it all.

~~~

“ come on we have to be there early” feyre said just as elaine was finishing up her makeup

“Okay ,okay I'm coming” elain said walking down the hall “how do I look?” Elain knew grayson was going to be there he bought tickets 10 months ago for him and Elain but his friend ended up wanting to go with him instead and she was so happy to surprise him since he couldn't get uhhuh ticket

“So hot I love it, ” Feyre said. Elain was dressed in a black tee from the band tee that had a cut at the cleavage and dark jeans with boots, defity far from her usual pink and flower apparel all the time.

Nesta stepped out of her room with a black cardigan white tank crop top and leggings with a camera bag slung over her shoulder

“That's what you're wearing to a rock concert? You look like a pta mom on the go” feyre said as she walked toward the door

“ oh shut up its for work, you to are the ones going for fun”

“Your never going to get a boyfriend looking like that”

“Yeah definitely no boys for me tonight”

When the city bus dropped them off they still had to walk three block because of the blocked roads and then to find there way to the back door that was hounded by mass amounts of fan girls they had to pry there why throh to get to the door when they got in nesta started snapping pictures of everything from people to the equipment she had major competition for the best photos. Feyre was losing her mind Elain would've put money on it that she had never seen feyre this happy. Elain couldn't have cared less that she was backstage; she really wanted to find Grayson so she wandered off to the floor seats to do just that well Feyre was looking around and Nesta was taking as many photos as possible.

Nesta found her way over to the snack table and picked up a chocolate covered strawberry and took a bite

“Well it seems i went looking for a snack and found a whole meal” nesta jumped as she heard this she quickly turned around and was met with a smirking 6’4 man

“Im sorry what ?”

“I definitely haven't seen you around before are you an intern?”

“No i'm with the news paper velaris times” nesta said as she picked up the camera in her hand

“Well, miss newspaper lady, do you have a name ?”

“Nesta , and do you snack table boy?” the man looked slightly confused but said

“Cass , it's a pleasure to meet you. Would you like to accompany me to my bed tonight nesta ?”nesta raised her eyebrows in confusion

“ Wow, how charming does that usually work for you? Asking a random girl to sleeping with you”

“Yes actually”

“To bad it doesn't work on me”

“How about dinner after the show?”

“Dinner? The show ends at 1 am”

“ how about dinner tomorrow night?”

“ I can’t and I don’t want to go to dinner with someone who just wants to get into my pants”

“ your loss then sweetheart” nesta watched cass walked away toward the dressing rooms and wondered what the hell just happened

~~~

It was five minutes before show time when Rhys could hear the crowd chanting over and over again “we want wingspan, we want wingspan, we want wingspan” it was a never ending chant.

As rhys walked out on the black stage he grabbed his bass guitar and walked toward the mic as cassian walked toward his drum set and az to his guitar, the music started and strobe lights started moving, it was always the same rhys thought until his eyes landed on a girl in the front of the mosh pit, seeing all the people jumping around till his eyes were stuck on a guy who pushed over a girl and she fell straight to the ground hitting her head on the concrete floor passing out .



[beelziebabie]

The First (Human) Deviltuber - Obey Me Brothers x Reader

Interactive?: At some parts, yes (Later on)

Gender: Female MC

Edited?: nope

Notes: sorry for this being so late aaaa i got really sick yesterday and im still sick now. really sorry!! i made this one a bit longer than i normally would. i hope you enjoy <3💗💕💕

CHAPTER FOUR

“MC,” You heard a voice mumble, then a short but harsh shake to your shoulder. You grumbled and resisted the urge to flip them off, turning onto your side and bringing the blanket over your head. “Momo please. Go away. Let me sleep.”

“It’s 11 am.”

“Whatever. I wanna sleep.” He sighed.

“Cmon, I wanna do your makeup todayy,” Asmodeus pulled the covers off of your head and you sent a glare at him. He ignored it and patted your messy hair.

“Go take a shower and brush your teeth, then come back in here and sit at your dresser so I can do my work,” He beamed as you sat up, stretching your arms over your head.

“See, I even got dresser all ready!” He pointed to your dresser where everything needed to get your face totally ready was laid out. You blinked and ran your hand across your face.

“Where did you even find that?- Nevermind, where’s Mammon?” You asked, getting off the bed but tripping over something immediately after.

You heard a long groan right after your own. Asmodeus peeked over the side of the bed and held back a giggle, seeing you sprawled on top of Mammon and him struggling to process the situation.

“Theres your answer,” Asmodeus grinned and this time you flipped him off for real.

You got off of Mammon and apologized, leaving an innocent kiss on his cheek and pulling the blanket off your bed and draping it across Mammon. He was only in a tank top and sweatpants so he had to be pretty cold especially since your room had gotten chilly. He fell right back asleep after.

Asmodeus followed you out of your room and into the hallway to get to the bathroom. “Is everyone else up?”

“Nope, only Lucifer, Beel and Leviathan are awake. Including myself of course.” You hummed and turned on the bathroom lights.

You went to pull your shirt over your head when you realized Asmodeus was still in the bathroom with you, standing there with his hands behind his back and a closed eyes smile. You looked at him through the mirror.

“Uhh.. why are you still here? I need to shower.”

“Mhm!”

“That means I need to get naked.”

“I know.”

You sighed and pushed him out and he made no effort to stop you. “Asmo, I dont think you know what boundaries are.”

“Theres nothing on you I haven’t seen yet,” He shot you a wink and your cheeks flushed slightly as you suppressed a vein popping.

“What the hell does that mea- Nevermind. I’ll see you when I get out.”

. . .

After you got out the bathroom with a towel wrapped around your chest you felt much more awake than before. Just as Asmodeus said, he was waiting for you in your room near your dresser. He even went as far as picking out your outfit for you.

“Wow, I dont even remember buying these,” You picked up a light blue cropped hoodie and black, high waisted ripped jeans along with a bunch of jewelry. Normally you’d only wear an oversized hoodie and leggings.

“Your closet is completely untouched. How much stuff do you buy and never use?” He lightly forced you to sit down in your seat so he could start. You held your hair back in a low ponytail to make it easier for him.

“Uhh, a lot I think? Theres a lot of styles of Instagram and Pinterest that I like and want to try out on myself so I go on shopping sprees.. but I never actually wear the clothes out.” You paused. “Or ever, for that matter.”

He shook his head and laughed a bit. “I don’t even do that. What type of look do you want?”

“Really simple and natural, I’m planning on filming a video today so please make it quick Momo.”

He clicked his tongue and nodded. “You got it.”

. . .

He was quick. Extremely quick. It only took him, maybe, 45 minutes, which is less than half than what you thought it would take. You got dressed and headed downstairs where the other brothers were lounging, watching tv or cooking or eating.

You sat on the couch next to Beelzebub and sat indian style. “Goodmorning everyone.”

“It’s not even morning anymore,” Leviathan said, turning his head to look at you. “It’s almost noon.”

“It’s not my fault that you all are so tiring.”

You felt Lucifer’s eyes bore into the back of your head the moment you said that. “Okay..only five of you.”

“Welp, Levi, wanna go get started?” You tapped him on the shoulder and he nodded.

You stood up and waited for him to follow you to your gaming room. You pulled up another spinning chair for him to sit in and set everything up before looking to him again.

“You ready?” You smiled and he smiled weakly. “Yeah. As ready as I’ll ever be!”

“Aaand we’re live!” You said to the camera, waving with a giant smile as Levi sat timidly next to you. You elbowed him lightly in the arm and nodded to the camera. “Say hi Levi!”

The chat was swarmed with different usernames and messages. You did your best to read them all but the chat was going too fast. Moments like these you wished that you only had a couple thousand of followers, so that everyone could be noticed easier.

Levi put on a small smile and waved before looking down into his lap again. Out of your peripheral vision you could tell his face was on fire. You rubbed his back to spare him the embarrassment.

“Today’s live will be a Q&A while we play minecraft! How does that sound, Levi?” You glanced from the camera to Levi and watched him nod. You sighed. You could only hope that he would open up more as time went on.

You turned on slowmode for the chat so that the messages would go by slower. You handed a controller to Levi and turned on the TV that was just above your computer screen.

You looked back at the chat and smiled warmly at all the ‘Welcome Back’ messages. “Hi everyone, how are you? I missed you all so much.”

Most of the stream went by smoothly. Only most of it.

The boys would constantly enter and leave your gaming room, even after you told them to stop. Except Lucifer, who only entered once and left you alone for the rest of the time. You thanked him immediately after the stream ended.

Mammon seemed especially clingy today. You couldn’t pin why, maybe its because he woke up without seeing you immediately? Whatever it was, he would continuously try to get your attention during the stream.

To avoid making him upset or sad you would always give him at least a little bit of attention then go back to the stream. But he would come back minutes later with something else to show to you or say to you. You were very tempted to just throw him your debit card and leave it at that.

At some point you completely gave up. It was an endless cycle. Sometimes you cursed your motherly demeanor.

The door creaked open right when you placed down the last block of the mansion you and Levi built. He got the hand of the game pretty quickly, he even said that there was a game similar to Minecraft in the Devildom (not audibly, of course. You’re still being recorded.)

You turned your head towards the door and saw that it was Mammon again, but this time with Beelzebub as well.

“We came with snacks,” Bub said simply, pulling up a stool and sitting in it behind you and Leviathan. You thanked him and took a couple cookies from the pile in his arms.

Mammon stood next to you, idly. You looked up at him with a confused expression. “What’s wrong Mammon?”

He said nothing, and instead walked around the other side of the chair and situated himself in your lap.

“Mammon what are you doin- no- stop-“

His legs hung off the arm of the chair and his head rested on your shoulder. You did your best not to push him off your lap and start scolding him. You understood that he didn’t see you for most of the day (except tiny interactions) and he was so used to being around you 24/7 in the Devildom.

“You’re so heavy,” You sighed and went back to gaming.

“Shut up. You should be happy that I’m even speaking to someone as lowly as you.”

“I have more money than you even if its translated to Grimm.” You heard Beelzebub chuckle and Levi hold back a snicker.

“She probably isn’t wrong,” Bub said, opening another pack of chips to scarf down. Mammon clicked his tongue and shut his eyes, embarrassed that this all happened on camera.

You directed your attention back to the chat. You forgot to check it for a while. “Oops, sorry chat. ‘ricegoat’ says.. ‘you werent kidding when you said you have anime boys in your house’.” You laughed at the camera and smiled. “I thought you guys would believe me when I said that.”

The rest of the chat said some rather..peculiar things that aren’t entirely SFW. You had to stop those comments from coming since they were getting quite excessive and uncomfortable for you to read.

7 hours passed since you started the stream and you were starting to feel tired. Levi yawned as well, and Mammon was fast asleep in your lap.

You saved your minecraft world with Leviathan. “Thats all for today guys,” You stretched your arms over your head. “I think this is the end of the stream. I’ll be posting a video today and the highlights tomorrow. Say bye Levi!”

Leviathan smiled and waved at the camera. “Bye, chat. I’ll see you next time.”

[kira-moonrabbit]

alright, exactly One len’en ramble is under the cut. ‘case anyone here is actively trying to avoid len’en. wouldn’t know why but I’m not going to pry if such a thing is the case.

so len’en is basically a shmup-type game. more specifically a “danmaku” game. everyone solves problems by shooting each other. that isn’t important for me. the important things for ME are the CHARACTERS and the MUSIC, especially when they go in tandem. like for example, uhhhh...

this is yabusame houlen and they’re one of the protagonists! they have dimension-warping powers that they’re “too stupid” to use the full potential of. The game spends a lot of time calling Yabusame a dolt and that makes me sad. They’re smart enough to use their powers at all, at least. I dunno. Anyway they’re one of my favorites as well because the way they act reminds me of myself! Except with more throwing salt on slug youkai and weirder tastes. Like, raw salt...?

and this is Tsubakura Enraku, another protagonist and one of my favorites, again! They’re a genius who’d rather just sit around and invent stuff than solve problems, but, well, they have to solve problems now. they have the world’s most awesome hat and the world’s least awesome worst enemy.

and this is Sese Kitsugai, a gashadokuro who is missing some of their bones! They used to be a human but they lost their corpse and now they’re looking for it. Apparently they aren’t at full strength because they don’t have their bones but the more of their bones they find the stronger they get. They’re like, the post-post final boss of the third game and have one of the strongest shot types in the fourth game so... yeah! They aren’t a protagonist for once but by Jove I wish they were. speaking of...

this is Sukune Katano, a haniwa who has the power to make anything from clay and mud! They like to open sake bottles but aren’t much of a drinker, unlike literally every other member of the cast. They also have a giiiiiiant mechanical haniwa that’s like a frickin’ mecha. They put bottleopeners on anything and everything they make. and they’re very obsessed with being creative! they even try to be creative when they talk!

this is Tsugumi Umatachi and they have the ability to turn anything they sit on into a vehicle. they ride an eggplant cow in the third game and a pumpkin rocket in the fourth. Unfortunately the image i have cannot show the pumpkin rocket. I’m cropping previous edits into banners here, y’see. anyway, they’re very straightforward and honest. I, uh, don’t have a lot else to say about them, sadly.

im starting to get tired of typing but there’s my passionate ramble!

[lilyevansreyjakku]

Evermore

A reylo victorian au

Sorry for late edits and short fics I have been very busy and tired 😔😌 but here I am to deliver more short reylo fic . thanks everyone for reblogging my fics and edits as well leaving comments . I appreciate it a lot everyone ! Thanks everyone for taking your time in reading it .

@bellaren18 @lilia-ula @atchamberlin @glitzescape @grlie-girl @infinitelyblackrose @sushigirlali @nancylovesreylo @reylocalligraphy @buffshipper8490 @bunilicious @winglessone @reyloisblessed @angelic-hellraiser @shaara-2 @xtaketwox @magicaldogs @cleverpudding @princeofdarkness15 @bisexual-dilemmas @michellestarswept @thebadjediandthegoodsith @leofgyth @pandoraspocksao3 @reyloarmy @emrys-girlwithasaber @nite0wl29 @generaloftheneworder @reydarcy @empressdarkren @rakefiree @rebelrebelreylo @antbee17 @unexpectedreylo @corariley @orkindofamazing @kinlovecody @practical-or-brave @iaintnosidekick @yuuyamiartist @millyslitterbox

Evermore

A reylo victorian

After rey gave the devistated news to her parents about captain Han Solo's death . her father general chewie didn't take it well .

"I'm sorry father , I didn't want to give you this news ." chewie embrace his daughter .

" it's alright my sweet child , captain solo was a dearest friend to me we always was on battles . we were together in the great and unpleasant moments ".

"I can imagine father , it's hard to lose someone dear to you ". Rey's cheat tighten , she didn't want to feel the pain from losing Poe again .

Ben was looking from the window, how the employees of the ranch kept their daily work . everyone in the big house was talking about his arrival especially in town . he didn't care what others thought about him , he come back for a reason which some how doesn't seem to quite understand . Ben knew he had come back after father lor san tekka told him about his father illness and his mother, maybe it was his conscience his dark and sick .."

"Master solo " cp3o said behind the door .

" come in "

"Master solo, unkar plutt has arrived ."

"Let him in "

"Of course sir ".

"So unkar plutt, you Have been in charge on my father's money I'll say fortune ?" Ben rised his eyebrow , Ben couldn't stand those that weren't honest or faithful to him . Benchecked the books somehow the numbers didn't add up he knew right away .

"Yes sir "

Bebthrow the book in front of unkar plutt " can you explain why have you stolen money from my father ?!"

"N..nnno sir I haven't !"

"Then tell me ! Where's the rest of it ! If you don't tell me ! I'll held you arrested ."

"No sir !please I beg you ! Not that ! I haven't stolen anything, I let master cassian borrow from your father's money, he promised to give it back . he gave me the documents from general chewie home , until he gives me the money back I'll give him in return the house documents !"

" you won't give him anything back those documents belongs to me ! Im the rightful owner of that house now . when he comes by tell him I have them ,if he wants them back he has to come and see me it's that clear !"

The ball was tomorrow rey didn't want anything to do with it. The dress maker had come to her home so she could wear the dress . her mother lady maz was amazed of how beautiful her daughter looked .

"You look beautiful rey , you will be the most beautiful girl in the ball my darling child ." Rey started crying ,maz's face turn serious she dismissed everyone from the room .

" what is it now child ! You been acting strange why on earth are you crying ?"

" it's nothing " , lady maz grabbed her daughter by the arm and turn her around "tell me ! Who is it ?"

"What ? Its no one mother !" Rey replied in surprised

" child you think I'm dumb enough to believe that , your going to tell me in this moment who is it !"

"Alright ! You want to know mother !" Rey shouted , tears running down her cheeks "im in love with someone else "

" who ?!"

"Poe dameron, he is a soldier for the resistance and I love him , but I don't know if he is died . A letter came in last time and it said that he was missing in action possible dead ".

"What ! Since when have you been seeing this boy ?"

" we meet in the church on takodana a two years ago "

" I don't want to hear anymore, enough ! The daughter of a general going out in secret seeing with a man who we don't know who is he ".

" Poe is a respectful man mother " .

"Respectful ? Seeing in secret with a young lady of good family ? That isn't respect nor did have respect for our family !"

"He was but I told him not to "

" your going to marry child ! And thats my and your fathers final word , don't even mention this to your father " , Rey watched as her mother left the room angry . Rey felt to the floor on her knees crying she didn't want to marry anyone she won't it was cruel .

The night of the ball came , everyone from great and prestigious family attande the ball. there was beautiful instrumental music coming from the chewie mansion .

rey didn't understand how her mother could afford the lavish ball. Her father was in bankruptcy she knew that the family was having encomic problem general chewie didn't say anything to her she knew her father didn't want to worried her . the general didn't attend the ball he had gone to see his ranch crops that he had outside takkodana and also see if they could loan him money .

"Rey you look like an angel !" Rose smiled at her friend rey just turn to face the window .

" I'm not marrying anyone rose , Poe is coming you'll see ".

" Rey you know deep down that he isn't , Rey you will marry one day it's your faith my friend ".

"Than what a cruel and trouble faith I have ". Rose caressed Rey's hand

" lets go you have a ball to attend to."

Ben was in inside general chewie mansion it's was beautiful lady maz had taste .

"Sir , may I take your belongings ?"

"Yes , of course ".

Ben looked handsome he notice many young ladies looking at him, he kept walking ,suddenly he saw miss rey coming down the stairs . she looked like angel from heaven she was beautiful . it was beyond anything in this galaxy she was beautiful but Ben saw more then that,since the first day he saw her. she smile at everyone in the room as she pass through the guest a young lady walked next to her she must be a friend from miss rey . Ben had to get near her he had to talk to her he wanted know everything from her .

Leia when to see lor san tekka at the church

"Lady leia , what a pleasant surprise ," leia kissed the father's hand .

"Father may I speak with you?"

"Yes of course lady leia you want something to drink ? ,"

" No I'm alright thank you "

"So tell me , how's everything going ? Has Ben doing well"

"Yes , he is very responsible takes very seriously his work and responsibilities at the ranch ,but my son has changed will of course he has what did I expect but I'm full of joy to have him home with me . "

" don't worry leia everything within its time will be better you'll see ."

" I know , I just wished that Han would have seen him more ,I hope one day my son finds someone that will love him make him at least happy . I know he had gone through things I know I was a ba... "

" No leia you weren't a bad mother if things happened the way it happened because it was the force that wanted it but don't ever blame your self for the actions or choses that your son and you know who else took ." Leia stare at father san tekka , leia just hope her son finds the light and leaves the dark .

Like always no drama my mean people don't like it don't bother on looking I don't want mean and hateful comments . peace ✌🖤

[twilights-800-cats]

regardless of whether or not bramblestar is in the wrong or squirrelflight is in the wrong (tbh i think they’re both in the wrong in their own ways, but their conflict hits home for me a little so maybe ill get more into it when i read the super edition) - i think we can all agree that squirrel and bramble just... aren’t meant for each other long term; not unless they’re both willing to put in the effort to make their relationship a positive experience for both of them.

as of right now it seems more like they’re both tired, getting on in years and responsibilities, their current crop of kits are grown... and that’s all that was holding them together. their personalities and experiences have made them just about incompatible - not to mention the past wounds that are there that refuse to heal.

honestly - i really want squirrelflight’s hope to tackle their relationship in the way bramblestar’s storm just refused to. i want them to fight and argue and work it out - or not, and admit that they’d be happier as leader and deputy, not leader and deputy and mates. i want them to confront their past wounds - mainly, the lie about the three - and decide whether or not they can move past it... because at this point its a stupid thing to keep bringing up again and again as a gotcha for squirrel. it was so long ago now that really only jayfeather ought to be holding on to that, and that’s just because of the type of cat he is.

i want a realistic - or at the very least, decent - depiction of a relationship that just... falls apart. not in a violent, bombastic way - but in a normal, realistic way. people grow apart over time and the hardest thing in the world is deciding when you’ve outgrown your partner, especially when you’ve spent nearly your whole life with them. relationships just don’t really fall apart in warriors, aside from a few scant background examples and whatever dovewing/bumblestripe’s deal was (im not counting ashfur/squirrelflight here because... that wasn’t a relationship lmao that was ashfur presuming an awful lot and then getting pissy).

i know that’s not what we’re going to get, though. we already know that squirrelflight is going a spend a lot of her super edition dead - possibly reflecting on her life. it’s possible she’ll come to the conclusion that she doesn’t need kits to be happy, and that being with bramblestar is all she needs - which frankly is dumb and bad but im at least 90% sure that’s the angle because as far as i know, bramble and squirrel are still together in current books.

i know its not what we’ll get but gosh dang the erins have a huge opportunity here and id love for them to surprise me. i love squirrelflight, i grew up with her, and i want good things for her - and bramblestar, too, who really seems like he’s having a rough time of being leader (getting what he thought he wanted but not knowing how to handle any of it, and clearly not wanting it much anymore).

... also hey squirrel can you kick yellowfang’s ass for lying to you about being infertile because that was some grade a bullshit

[birdybirdnerd]

WHATS UP CHABOY NEEDED TO BA ASLEEP UHHHH *checks watch* TWO AND A HALF HOURS AGO BUT INSTEAD I WROTE A ONESHOT BC THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES HAS TAKEN OVER MY SOUL AND @brinnanza HAD A REALLY GOOD PROMPT FOR IMMEDIATELY POST EP 22 ‘COLONY’ SO YEAH

on a serious note this is entirely unedited word vomit that im gonna clean up like. tomorrow or smthn and post to ao3 bc im proud of it in some way and alos my ao3 has been dead for MONTHS and its killing me

enjoy!!! now i die

EDIT now cleaned up and posted to ao3! gonna make a separate post about Specifically That but thought id throw it here too for posteritys sake

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20953844

Jon was still staring at Martin’s phone, the cryptic message from Jane Prentiss shining up at him, when movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. He looked up in time to see Martin sway dangerously on his feet. 

“I think I’m-” 

Martin’s eyes rolled back in his head and Jon was on his feet in an instant, phone falling to the floor so he could catch the other man before he fell too. Jon stumbled, almost toppling as well, but he managed to catch Martin under his arms before he hit the ground. 

“Martin, what the-” he started, grunting from the effort. “Martin?” 

But he was out cold. Jon huffed; seems like the adrenaline fueling him finally wore off, letting the week of stress and no sleep take its toll. It could have happened in a more… convenient place, but Jon admitted he was at least glad Martin had made it back to the Institute before it happened. Wouldn’t want him passing out in the middle of the street. Or back at his apartment, where Prentiss could return at any moment. 

Jon grimaced and braced himself, hauling Martin up and looping one of his arms around his shoulders. It was awkward and took a few minutes of adjusting his grip and nudging doors open with his foot, but he managed to haul Martin through the Archives to the spare room. Thankfully, no one intercepted them on the short trip. It would have been awkward, to say the least, to explain the situation, and Jon was feeling the beginnings of a headache settling at the back of his brain from all the questions that kept cropping up. 

He debated just dumping Martin on the cot and leaving, but sighed and shook his head. The poor boy had been through a lot. The least he deserved was a modicum of comfort. Jon laid him down as carefully as he could, pulling off his shoes and tugging at the thin sheet underneath him to free it. 

He settled it on top, tucking the edges in, mind still whirring as the events of the day and Martin’s words played on loop in his mind. There was so much they still didn’t know, and every statement he read only added more questions to the list, only complicated things further. And Martin, having gotten so caught up in things directly, now weighed down on his mind as well. 

Smoothing Martin’s hair out of his face, Jon sighed again. Evidence of his harrowing two weeks was evident in the lines on his face, the darkness under his eyes visible even in the dim light filtering in through the doorway. But he looked somewhat peaceful like this- sleeping, REM not quite started. That would no doubt bring nightmares - it always did - but for a few minutes, at least, Martin had oblivion. 

Jon didn’t realize for a few moments that he’d kept stroking Martin’s hair, watching him breathe steadily and absolutely lost in thought. When he did, he frowned, removing his hand and clearing his throat. That was enough of that, he decided. His own lack of sleep was affecting him. Well, the cot was taken, so Jon would have to find somewhere else to stay for the night. Returning to his own flat, after hearing Martin’s statement, made him feel uneasy. The break room couch, then. 

That decided, Jon turned towards the door to leave. 

And slammed his knee into the desk. 

“Fuck!” he shouted, momentarily forgetting himself. 

A gasp from behind him, and Martin was shooting up in the cot, breathing heavy. “Who- who’s there?” he called, voice cracking. “Where am I? Is Prentiss-”

“It’s- it’s just me, Martin,” Jon bit out, clutching his throbbing knee. “Hurt myself on this bloody desk, that’s all. You’re at the Institute. Go back to sleep, everything’s fine.” He cursed again, this time under his breath, as he rubbed at the sore spot. 

“O-Oh. Okay.” Martin’s voice was still shaky, but smaller now. Jon could hear him swallow thickly in the darkness. “H-How did I, how did I get in here?” 

“You passed out in my office,” Jon explained patiently. “I carried you in here. End of story.” 

“Ah.” There was silence for a moment. “Thanks.” Barely a whisper. 

“Don’t mention it.” Jon straightened up, sending the dark shape of the desk one last glare, and headed towards the door again. 

“Do you-” Martin started, before cutting himself off with an audible snap of teeth. 

“What?” 

“Do you think- no, it’s stupid. Never mind.”

Jon stopped in the doorway. “What, Martin?” he asked again tiredly. 

Martin seemed to chew on his words a moment, avoiding Jon’s eye, before the question came out in a rush. “Doyouthinkyoucouldstay?” 

Jon blinked. Blinked again. “Sorry, repeat that.” 

Martin chuckled nervously. “No, it’s fine, I said it was st-” 

“Martin.” 

“I said do you think you could stay?” Martin asked again, voice high and panicky, looking anywhere but at Jon. “‘Cause I’ve been alone for thirteen days now and I really don’t wanna stay alone and I’m really tired and don’t like the Archives when it’s late at night but-” 

Jon cut him off. “Yes, fine Martin, I’ll stay.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose, the headache now residing behind his eyes. He left the door open a crack, just enough to let the faint moonlight that streamed through the windows outside cast the room in a dim blue light. Just enough to see where he was going, now that his eyes had adjusted better.

“You don’t, I mean, you don’t have to stay the whole night,” Martin babbled, twisting the sheet between his hands as he spoke. “Just, just stay ‘till I fall asleep again, I guess. I won’t make you stay the night, can’t really, you know, just- just need someone nearby until I’m out, I guess.” 

“Of course,” Jon said, dragging the desk chair to the edge of the bed and collapsing into it. It was far less comfortable than his own desk chair, but it would fulfill its brief purpose just fine. “Go to sleep, Martin.” 

“Okay, yes, doing that.” There was the sound of shuffling as Martin got comfortable again, then silence. Then, “Thanks again.” 

“Don’t mention it.” 

Martin hummed in response. 

He was out in seconds. Jon watched him sleep, telling himself he’d wait just a few moments longer to make absolute certain he wouldn’t wake again at the first slight noise before leaving. And really, he was giving his legs a rest after hauling Martin here in the first place. And his knee still ached a little bit. And it was so late… 

Jon really didn’t mean to fall asleep in the chair, watching Martin sleep peacefully. And so long as he woke up before Martin did, and before anyone got to work that morning, then no one would know. 

Well, his back would. But that was his own fault. 

[norcumii]

Reblogged from the prior tumbl, originally posted 02/04/2016. Question submitted by @makiruz. Slightly reformatted to avoid a readmore cut and whatnot.

In Full of Sith, they always ask new guests how they got into Star Wars. And you know? That's a good question, how did you got into Star Wars?

HEH. Oooh, that’s a bit of a loaded question. So I’ll give you the short answer, which I suspect would fit the thing you mentioned what I haven’t heard of; and then because I’m a wordy bastard what overshares, the long answer which is more accurate and has content warnings for self harm and suicide.

SHORT ANSWER

It was the 80’s. I was young, in single digits, though I couldn’t tell you exactly what age. I was already dealing with an irregular sleep cycle, though all I knew was I had a flashlight, a pile of books near/on my bed, and a thick pound puppies duvet to read under.

I don’t know if I was in my room or on my way to/from the bathroom, but I could hear my parents watching something downstairs. Swooshy noises, a shrill screee, and some thwoom bzzts.

Of course I went downstairs.

I don’t know if it was episode 5 or 6. I’ve a fondness for 6, but carbonite left a HUGE fucking impression on me, and my parents have always approved of muppets, so Yoda.

I knew I loved it. I didn’t have any toys, though I think somewhere there was a print edition of A New Hope running around. I do recall multiple sleepovers at my grandmother’s place – a tiny house on acres and acres of woods – and she’d sometimes pull out Return of the Jedi and we’d watch it together on her tiny TV. Later on I’d be in bed, staring out at woods and trees that I knew, but seemed huge to a little kid, and I’d dream of Ewoks.

RotJ was Gram’s favorite, and for many years mine, too.

I like Ewoks.

VERY LONG ANSWER

TW: mental illness, depression, self harm, suicide, abuse

In late elementary, early middle school, my brother and I were basically reading ANYTHING we could get our hands on. He sometimes dove into books that didn’t interest me, so I’d read the first of something and then be bored and he’d keep going.

Star Wars EU was one of those. It was too grim for me. I think I didn’t run into any of the really good writers. It was all Han and Luke and Leia on the covers, so take that for what you will. There also was no Wookiepeia, so I was depending heavily on the writers’ abilities to convey things to someone very visual, yet pretty impatient with descriptions, so it never took.

I was in high school when The Phantom Menace came out. Mine honorable brother was off at college, so it was with great excitement on my part, and bemused tolerance on my parents’, that they and I went off to the theater.

On the one hand, I was dazzled.

On the other, there was Jar Jar. There was the fact that I hadn’t been impressed with the re-release of the OT – Han shot first. FITE ME. There was the fact that TPM didn’t feel like Star Wars, which was darker and grittier and…simpler to me.

So I wrote it off. Packed Star Wars away as “one of those things” that I’d been into, but felt like I was moving past. I was obsessed with Gargoyles, I was looking at going to college, and I would keep m’damn ewoks without needing to try to extend that vision with gungans.

College sucked. I went in, not sure if I wanted to go into English, for writing, or Psych, because I had always been what I’d now call The Mom Friend. I met a nice guy who tried, but things never really clicked between us, and there was an interesting bit that he was mad about Star Wars and insisted that I read the Rogue Squadron books.

That was a Good Decision. Dating him, not so much.

I had a huge assortment of Life Issues. Got into an abusive relationship that would end up lasting 14 years. Transferred schools. Got the fucking Psych degree, though literally only by the grace of a professor who didn’t want to see the kid not graduate just ‘cause she couldn’t numbers and I did go in and try. Talked to him and still couldn’t with the maths but the effort was there to bump me a few points above failing.

I was burnt out. I was depressed. I tried killing myself a few times – not very good at it, as you can see. Took up self-harm as a coping mechanism. Failed in the still never successful search for a decent therapist in Pittsburgh. Got a job slinging food, because needed some kind of income, and people without pressure was nice. The keeping on a schedule thing failed, leading to an average of 4 hours sleep a night. Losing contact with family and friends because I couldn’t stand the pressure of “how are you?” and “what’s going on in your life?” Clinging to Warcraft because repetitively farming was better than clawing open my back or neck again, and the people there were ok with some rando dropping out of sight on a dime, and only a persistent few had the grace and spirit to make it past some serious defensive issues of mine.

I stopped writing. Stopped caring about Gargoyles, stopped being able to see into that AU I’d made for myself of a crazy clan and the weird human who survived cancer with them.

Stopped going on IM, for the same reasons I stopped talking to people.

I still kept track of some folks via LiveJournal. A handful of the Gargoyles folks who were determined, gods know why and thank you, since I know several are here on the tumbles and I genuinely love you to bits.

I quit my job after five years, because enough was enough between the fact that it had all the hallmarks of an abusive relationship and I was fucking tired of being a manager without any actual authority, and the endless hamster wheel of hiring and people quitting because it was a nice, but highly dysfunctional place.

I missed the customers, though. Several of them are here too, and it’s kinda funny ‘cause I know in at least one case I talked to them about Star Wars. I still hope they’re not too shellshocked that I kinda went down the rabbit hole pretty deep.

Started getting more sleep. Not less anxiety, not less depressed. Tried out a few depression medications, with very mixed results.

Then one day @dogmatix came into the LJ area I still hung out in. Enthusiastically recommending to all and sundry that if there is even a shred of interest in Star Wars, THERE IS THIS THING YOU SHOULD READ.

She drew a Wookiee. That was a character?

I’d always liked Wookiees.

And I needed something to read.

Star Wars was one of those things, from back in the day before things went to shit. Low investment, since if I didn’t like it or didn’t care, then eh. Whatevs.  Dogmatix was one of the Gargs holdouts still in my circle (or whatever it is that I was hovering at the edges of), and in the past I’d liked her recommendations more often than I disliked them.

I’m also endlessly weak to her art.

Wookiee.

So I did that thing. That so many of us here have done. It took me about 2 weeks to get through Re-Entry. It had trouble taking root in the depression, but Obi-Wan going crackers was something I could empathize with and appreciate.

There was the hope that had been missing from the EU novels I’d tried reading back in the day.

There was Wookieepedia, which meant I could stop and see what a Nautolan was. I had tabs open for DAYS so when someone named Adi or Gallia who were apparently the same person? I could see who that was. I got stupidly distressed that Abella didn’t have an entry, until I twigged and checked for a Chitanook, and holy shit I could never tell what character was going to crop up as canon, obscure EU character, or home brewed.

I honestly expected to set it aside, get updates as they happened, and gradually step away because that’s how things were going at the time.

But I still needed something to read, to stave off empty hours when my brain was too full of screaming.

On Ebon Wings. I’d loved The Crow when I’d seen it back in high school, and that story tapped into the powerful visuals and the lovely message I’d adored and in ways I still don’t quite understand it somehow validated that I could be mad and still be ok. Maybe. Maybe not now, but someday.

Maybe.

So I gave in and got a Tumbl. I’d been a stubborn holdout, regularly checking the same half dozen feeds daily because dammit, I don’t wanna go through the trouble and I was close to giving up on LJ and another journaly thing? That was stupid. But I wanted to follow Flamethrower and Dogmatix, and it made it infinitely easier to follow several blogs (and oh GODS one of those is a mutual and holy fuck I swear I screamed the day that happened and it’s still a high to realize).

Dogmatix wrote Möbius and Accidental Timeshare, wherein Venge goes universe hopping. That’s also a weakness of mine.

I’d been kvetching IRL about the treadmill and wanting something to watch, and someone mentioned in Dogmatix’s feed The Clone Wars – which conveniently was on Netflix. So I figured what the hell. I was disinclined to like clones – ‘cause yeesh, they’re the reason the Jedi all died, and yeah, ok, the Order was SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP, but.

I still had never seen Episodes 2 or 3.

I turned on the Clone Wars movie, and within ten minutes I nearly fell off the back of the treadmill due to crying.

THIS was the Star Wars of my youth. THIS was what I remembered. A little grim. Lots of quips.

That sound. Lightsabers igniting. A-wings rumbling overhead. Blasterfire, and that music.

I had to stop and calm down and for the first time in ages WRITE [, because I just had to ramble about how it all hit me in the feels]. I had no idea I’d missed this.

By the end of the movie I’d decided ok, I wanted more. Wasn’t sold on these clone fellas, and damned if I could tell one set of armor from another (this is ALSO due to the treadmill screen being calibrated to be a compromise of a very short person – me – and a very tall person, which means neither person gets a decent view but that’s not what the treadmill tv is for).

I’d been told there was an order to the episodes, but I didn’t care. Continuity is for those who think about the future, and I was still regularly suicidal.

So the first episode I watched was Yoda romping around a planet, playing with droids while three clone troopers tried to babysit his mad little ass.

They had me, all in one episode. I loved these guys. They had individuality, I could tell them apart by the voices (which is sometimes just as important to me as visuals) even if I couldn’t name them, and the personalities –

They were loyal. Their primary concern was old batty Yoda which I had adored as a child because MUPPETS. They were willing to die to keep him safe and there was this lovely reciprocity in taking care of each other and all of them, clones and Jedi alike were doomed to extinction and I don’t think I knew yet HOW the clones were except they weren’t in the OT so there was shit going down.

Tragic figures, loyal found family, incredible voice acting, Batty Old Yoda who OH YEAH FUCKING KICKED SO MUCH ASS I COULD NEVER GET ENOUGH.

I wanted to keep those three clones. I was willing to keep them all.

Final blow, that knocked me into the fandom so hard I’ll be surprised if I ever leave?

THIS.

The origins of Balance. This is the post that started a simple notion, to try to write something when I’d gone….anywhere from 7 to 10 years of not writing A SINGLE. DAMNED. THING of substance – and that was after thinking I might try to get a degree related to it.

Darth Wraith was a tentative idea. I was scared @deadcatwithaflamethrower would be irked I wanted to play in her sandbox (oh my gods I was inserting myself into a conversation with her this amazing person who wrote blindingly well and so damn much and how the FUCK was I daring to speak up about a silly half DREAM I’d had because once again I couldn’t sleep).

Then, because I was trying to break out of the depression, the cycles of mental ill health, and if I was on this tumbls thing, fuck it, I’d try the IM thing again.

I’d been gone long enough that pretty much no one on my contact list was still there. That…was ok. There wasn’t the pressure.

And Dogmatix popped on, asking if I wanted to share details about this Sith Qui-Gon thing.

I had A SCENE. ONE. SCENE. And she was spinning it off into this EPIC, which at first I was gleeful because she had neat ideas and I couldn’t wait to see what she would do with it and then wait, she’s not talking about writing it herself, this is more about something WE could work on.

Thank gods it was IM, because I had a little panic about commitment to a project when I regularly was sure I wasn’t going to see tomorrow and if I didn’t wake up one morning that’d be MORE than ok.

Still. There was that itch. The visuals in my brain. The characters I’d started to like in Flamethrower’s universe, which had formed my mental voices for them.

The only sound in my head for so long was just screaming.

Writing down that scene in Knock On Effect, where Venge meets Wraith – that felt good. It never changed much from the first draft to what was posted. The rest grew, and quickly. It was clear if we were doing this, then there were multiple stories, spanning in universe years.

And then there were spinoffs. Wonderful ideas and plots spiraling away from this one notion, and gods I wanted to write about those glorious clones.

How’d I get into Star Wars?

Chance. One strange little step at a time, and a bunch of miracles and horrors that kept me bleeding but not dying. Damn good fic. The kindness of friends. The generosity of strangers.

The tragedy of a once great order of space monks, and their allies-forced-to-be-betrayers clones.

One little picture, of Qui-Gon Jinn with Sith eyes.

[slugmanslime]

I’ll Tell You What I Want! (Ch. 1)

hey guys its late im so SO tired but i sat down and wrote this bc its been on my mind all day tell me what you think im exhausted i love you all  this is a fairytale AU, based loosely off of Rumpelstiltskin, so just bear that in mind 

EDIT: I am reposting this because I changed a crucial point of the storyline and I think it is way better now.

Pairings: Bog King/Marianne, Dawn/Sunny Warnings: Eventual Infidelity, Violence, Possible Smut, Heartbreak, Bog is a bitter Magic Hoe Word Count: 2660 Chapter: 1 / ???

The kingdom of Hearthmark was sprawling, dotted with villages, markets, valleys and meadows as far as the eye can see. For a millenium, the Fallow family had ruled Hearthmark with a gentle and knowing hand, negotiating their way out of wars and arbitrating expansive treaties that brought harmony to the kingdom, and fruitful years of trade to the markets. Heathmark’s economy flourished, the kingdom expanded, and the people thrived under King Dagda and Queen Carmen’s rule. The citizens of Heathmark lived in harmony with each other, harvesting their plentiful crops as they kept each other company year in and year out as life was plentiful and plain and happy.

Bog hated plentiful and plain and happy.

Bog King, Bog of the Black Oak, sorcerer and heir to a legend, was one of the only denizen’s of the Dark Forest encompassed the perimeter of Hearthmark that acted as a natural border between the gentle people, the supernatural, and the burdens of warm and unrest roiling in other countries. The gloomy woods were filled with fascinating but often dangerous mythical creatures that would prefer not to be disturbed, Bog being one of them. Once upon a time, Bog’s parents were seen as useful to the kingdom, and his mother Griselda, along with him and his father, lived a comfortable life in service of the crown. But those years were long gone, as was his father, taken too soon by an illness that not even Griselda the Great could cure. Bog’s mother, a powerful witch with a secretly kind heart, was his only constant company now, something that he couldn’t help but appreciate and yet he loathed, especially at times such as this.

“Bog, deary, you realize that the winter solstice is tomorrow? You really oughta check the hens, you know how they despise the cold!” Griselda’s voice grated through his thoughts, stirring him away from the shelf of ingredients he was organizing. She herself was busy  clucking around their little cottage, dusting and folding articles of light clothing away into an empty closet. She was busy preparing them for the coming winter storms, and had spent the past two weeks jarring vegetables, patching thick coats and pants, and ensuring that their chickens and goats were well prepared for the weather. Not to be left out, Bog was there to do her heavy lifting and any other menial task he could be cowed into. Heaving a great sigh, Bog gathered his coat and shrugged it on, snatching a basket from beside the doorway when a flurry of sudden knocks stopped the pair in their tracks. Bog paused and glanced over his shoulder to meet Griselda’s curious stare, before the knocking interrupted them once more, sounding increasingly urgent.

A visitor… in the Dark Forest? A visitor? Travelling through this kind of weather? These questions and more bounced around his head as he dropped the basket and opted for the enchanted staff he kept by the door for protection.

With his guard up, Bog unlatched the door, revealing the most petite, anxious, and beautiful young woman he had ever laid eyes on. Perhaps that was speaking too rashly, but then again, Bog didn't have much experience with the outside world. The young women dropped her fist to her side limply, clearly unsure of her intentions after being met with such an imposing figure. They engaged in a staring contest, challenging and questioning in the same moment. The young lady was obviously bundled against the cold but carried nothing with her but a small satchel, speaking to her confidence that she could make this trip a short one.

Removing the small cap she had donned for the trip, the visitor gazed at him with a look brimming with excitement tempered by uncertainty, causing him to quirk an unruly brow. A halo of chocolate curls framed her face in cute pixie licks, with searching hazel eyes framed in long lashes stabbing him straight through his chest with the intensity that they trained on him. The lovely stranger was dressed in finely tailored traveler’s clothes and thick boots absolutely caked with snow, speaking to her wealth and making the sorcerer even more curious about what she possibly thought to gain by making a dangerous trip out here.It was the dead of night now, and it had been snowing since dawn.

Bog swallowed thickly, forcing himself to read into a situation that he had seen one to many times. She was a lovely thing, and they were known to be skilled with magic. Why else would someone as fragile and important as herself journey to their home, unless it was with a request for their services? A scowl of disappointment colored his features and he regarded her in a manner that mirrored the chilly weather she had just traversed.

“Aye, traveller, don’ go knockin down me door now. Winter approaches swiftly. Ye must be lost, so far from the Hearth.” Tall and broad Bog leaned against his staff in the doorway, exuding contempt and trying to appear bored. His figure was lean from tending to their crops and livestock, and he towered over the petite woman shivering before him.

“Sir, please… I’m not lost, if you would tell me your name. I am Marianne Fallow… Crown Princess of Hearthmark. I come with an urgent request… please, hear me.” Having finally revealed herself, Marianne pressed her hands together against her chest breathlessly. She carried an aura with her, one of strength but innocence, as if she sought out the best in people. Her eyes were clear and bright, full of good intentions without the life experience to judge them. It nearly made Bog sick to his stomach. Before he could turn her away, his mother’s voice drifted from inside.

“Bog, who is it? Don’t just stand there, it’s cold as all get out, bring them inside!”

The already-exhausted sorcerer growled in frustration but after one last tense moment of silence, he took a step back and motion for her to enter. “Please, do come in.” Of course, while it might have been phrased nicely, the implorement was dripping with sarcasm. Marianne eyes flashed with something hot but she only warred with herself for a moment before schooling her expression into something polite and appreciative as she crept inside the cottage.

Griselda did a double take when she saw the princess and nearly tripped over herself trying to make introductions. The witch was tiny, withered with age, but that did nothing to curb her enthusiasm at having someone as pretty and tough as Marianne in her home. How hard it was to play matchmaker when her son insisted they hole themselves up out here in these god-forsaken woods! Grinning widely, she took Marianne’s hand and drew her closer to the fireplace as she drenched her in a torrent of conversation.

“Oh goodness me, deary, you must be frozen to the core a delicate little thing like you out in this cold! Come by the fire, let’s get you warmed up. Are you hungry deary, I’ve got a delicious stew on right now, it’ll be done here in just a few minutes. Where are you from, what brings you here at this time of year, oooh it must be something important, I know it! Haven’t you--”

“MAM. The lady can’t get a word in edgewise with all yer yammerin’. Let her speak, please.” Bog had taken residence against the door, his back pressed to it with slender arms crossed over his chest. The staff stood at his side like a loyal guard, ready for action at any moment. Dark ebony locks, a curious shade between tawny and black, curled upon his head like a crown of thorns while sharp blue eyes reminiscent of a clear sky in summer burned a hole through his (unwanted) guest. Marianne was bewitched for a moment, taken aback by just how young and… strong, this legendary sorcerer was. She took a deep breath to collect her thoughts, forcefully tearing her eyes away from his in an attempt to gather courage, and she spoke.

“Bog… as in Bog of the Black Oak?” Marianne had to ask without looking, lest she lose her train of thought again, and instead turned her eyes on his mother. “And his sorceress mother, Griselda the Great?”

They had very different reactions, with Bog hissing in disdain and Griselda preening under Marianne’s curiosity. Hoisting himself off of the door, Bog stalked between the two women over to the fire and crouched to add another log. Distrust drew his body taught, and it grated on his nerves to have his back to this stranger. With every word she spoke, his assumptions were proved right, and boy did that put him in a bad mood. He was so young when he left Hearthmark (relatively speaking) that he found it hard to remember what a sense of community felt like, what friendship and comradery felt like.  Griselda was privy enough to her son’s attitude’s to know that he was upset, and she placed her other hand on his shoulder. Bog seemed to visibly relax, if only minutely, and Marianne watched the exchange quietly. This Bog man, he was not very similar to the stories she had heard as a child. The firelight softened the harsh edge of his cheekbones and jaw, making him look almost afraid. This couldn’t be the man so hungry for power that he was banished to the Dark Forest…  

“I come to… request your services. Your feats are that of legend and I am humbled that you invited me into your home… Thank you very much for your kindness.” Marianne smiled softly, squeezing the hand that Griselda still held.

“My courage fails me, it seems. I have fallen in love with the man of my dreams, but I can’t seem to find my words when I’m around him, he is far too charming! Roland is a knight in service of my father, and is loved dearly by our subjects… myself included.” She took a moment and blushed very prettily as she looked for the proper words to convey her desire. “I would just hope that you might help me win his heart. Anything that you ask of me in return, you may have it.”

Griselda pondered Marianne’s request silently, glancing between the princess and her son, who was regarding the fire with a stony expression. The princess claimed to be in love, but it sounded more like infatuation to her. Not to mention… love potions were the reason that she and her son were here in the first place.

Bog clenched and unclenched his fists while the cogs in his brain turned. How could it be that a princess, especially one as lovely and forthcoming as her, could not win the love of someone, knight or not? Marianne was obviously kind if she would thank two strangers for keeping her warm even if they did it begrudgingly; she had to care a great deal for this knight as well if she was here, alone, in this weather. And yet, anything that they asked… in return for a love potion? A small but very bitter part of Bog’s heart thrummed at the thought, and paused to pick his words carefully before turning to the princess. The sorcerer stayed crouched, the shadows shifting on his face making him appear otherworldly and gaunt; Marianne’s breath caught in her throat at the sight of him.

“You said anything, princess, is that what ye meant?” His eyes bored into hers with almost hypnotic amounts of energy. Marianne felt a wave of unease course through her but she stood her ground, nodding when her words failed her.

“There is a potion that I can craft, somethin’ guaranteed to win this knight’s… affection. I will teach ye how to use it. When yer lover is exposed to it’s magic, it’s nigh impossible fer them to not fall in love with the first person they see.” Bog stood, the flames returning its previously hoarded light to the cottage. “However… everythin’ comes at a price, me lady.” A wicked grin lit up his features, sharpening his electric blue stare that seemed to paralyze and terrorize Marianne for a moment.

“By using this potion, the one person ye hold closest to yer heart will be stripped of their ability to find love. Oh, aye, they will love their family, their friends, but…” Bog’s smile faded, a haunted look of sadness brushing over his features. “When someone falls in love with them, they cannot requite it, no matter how much they might want to. They will be damned to a life of fleeting, meaningless romance, leaving a string of broken hearts behind them as they suffer from an emptiness they cannot name nor fight.”

His monologue made her heart squeeze and her blood run cold. Marianne was stunned that someone could request something so utterly heartless, but an image of Roland rose unbidden in her mind’s eye. Gods above, he was so perfect; his smile, his golden hair, the way that he carried himself with such pride and confidence. A perfect romance in exchange for a loveless life for the person she cared most about? How could Marianne agree to something so heinous? Selfish… that’s what this goal was. Marianne would be queen one day-- is this something that she could live with on top of the stressors of managing a kingdom.

There was only one person this could affect… She let out a shuddering sigh, dropping her head and cradling it with her hands. There was no way… Dawn was such a bubbly, gorgeous person. If it was the last thing that she did, Marianne would make sure that Dawn could find someone to spend her life with.

Bog could see her resolve faltering and aimed to encourage her previously line of thinking. Griselda was… quiet for once; he did not dwell on that fact for very long. “Marianne… ye love Roland, donch ye? Yah know that the two of ye can be so happy… if yah just say yes.” That almost made Griselda peep-- this was going too far! She knew that Bog had been hurt before but this was something truly terrible. She kept her mouth firmly shut, thinking hard about the situation. Yes… yes, she could remedy this. Love is a tricky game, but one that she knew how to play well.

Marianne steeled herself and lifted her head, standing with her back ramrod straight anf fists clenched at her side. “Let me make this clear… You will make me a love potion, one guaranteed to work on Roland. But once I use it… the one dearest to me will never find love again?” Her heart was in her throat, and speaking the words around it was painful.

“Aye, Princess, that’d be the gist. So… what say ye?” Bog stood directly before her, offering his hand for a pact.

Marianne studied him for a moment, trying to clear her mind and buy herself some time. Bog of the Black Oak was not very sociable, but had enough wits about him to keep his manners in company. He did not take kindly to strangers, but still opened his home to her. Bog was stiff and uncertain when near her, as if he was not used to being close to people, or having friendly conversations. He was very different from his mother, who was endearing and lively even in her old age. Despite having very little experience with magic, the princess had a sense of naive confidence that she could make this deal work to her advantage. She couldn’t admit to herself that she was afraid, but pressured, having come so far and being unwilling to leave empty handed.

Marianne calmly placed her gloved hand in his grip, squeezing as they shook.

Dawn, please forgive me. I promise to make this right.

“Bog of the Black Oak… we have a deal.”

[spockandawe]

So you’ve heard Spock is the actual literal devil

Have you heard that I’m a terrible person? A plagiarist? Have you been told that I’m only into transformers at all because I wanted to make this one random guy unhappy? If you’ve been told that, you’ve probably also been told that a year and a half later, I’m still making fanworks just to upset him. You might have even heard that shhhh, don’t disagree with Spock on anything, or they’ll hunt you down and harass you.

Right, okay. This is one hell of a saga that I will attempt to tell in as compressed a form as possible. It’s a lot. Years ago, back in HS, there was this one guy who policed the hell out of one of the character tags. I’m going to call him C. He’d pressure people not to make the content they were making, decry the hateful people reading with a malicious eye who thought the character would ever do anything bad (the character was a creep). And because being obnoxious wasn’t bad enough, if you didn’t cave to his demands, he just might do things like start whisper campaigns about how you support rape, casually out you as a survivor, cute little things like that.

This is not a story about that guy.

This is a story about C’s one-time attack dog, eventual boyfriend, and current ex. We’ll go ahead and call him R. I’ve tried real hard to avoid namedropping on my blog before, but could people find him from this? Probably. Have I stopped caring? Absolutely.

TL;DR, unsubstantiated accusations of serial harassment are a little questionable when they’re coming from someone with a years-long, extensively documented history of serial harassment and a personal grudge against me.

Cut for length.

Edit 7/2/2017: R has posted that he regrets making these posts about me, and admits that he said things that were out of line. And he’s stated that he’s going to try to do better in the future. I genuinely, truly appreciate that. I’m leaving this post up because there have been lies about me floating around for a while and I reserve the right to defend myself, but I really do appreciate that.

Oh balls, none of this makes sense without backstory (I’m so sorry)

If you think I suck or my work sucks, that’s fine! You do you, go enjoy the things that make you happy.

If you think I’m the devil because this one guy told you about my evil, evil past and all my terrible misdeeds, without anything at all to back up his words? You can ask me. I don’t bite, and oh lordy do I have receipts.

To be clear, R is totally allowed to hate me! I don't care. I don't care if he hates my writing, I don't care if he hates me as a person. But now he's escalated to spreading lies about me, and people are believing him, and I’m not enough of a doormat to let that just stand.

And I’m going to cheat a little. Here’s a memo with the cliffs notes version (not the original memo, I made a copy with C’s urls cropped out since he hasn’t attacked anyone in a long while). Warning, digging any distance into this turns up violent fantasies, violent sexual fantasies, creepy interactions with a minor, and lots more, it’s all really, really unpleasant. Evidence is thoroughly documented, please tread with care.

You would not believe how truncated that is compared to the reality.

Now, the worst of this came via C. Who has calmed down a lot these days, and I’m really happy that’s the case. Good for him. I hope his life continues in a direction where he doesn’t find it necessary to do this stuff.

Lucky for me, R was standing by to pick up the slack.

It doesn’t show up as much in the memo, which is mostly C-focused, but R was standing by C this whole time, defending his right to spread around private information about someone’s abuse history, sending nasty messages on the other guy’s behalf, and much,much more. it’s long, it’s awful, it’s unpleasant. R personally hurt people in some significant ways that I don’t want to link directly, for their sake. He expressed deep remorse a few times, but it never stuck.

Here’s my personal favorite quote from R. He’s speaking to the CSA survivor that C casually outed (with information given to him in confidence), and who they’d been running a long, long whisper campaign against, and who was understandably a bit upset over the whole thing:

oh go wank to your own tears [name]

#and get your sympathizers to help #nasty fucking people #maybe if you cry enough youll be able to go into second grade in the fall #ooc

Said, again, to a CSA survivor they outed and harassed. That person is such a sweetheart, and this screencap still infuriates me.

The first time I saw C pick a fight he had lots of friends. Shockingly, as he did things like loudly fantasize about how he wants to mutilate people and rant about how autistic people should die, those friends mostly drifted away. I know one person had a friend even help them stage a faux relationship-ending fight, so they could be sure they’d be able to completely cut and run from C. R stuck with him, though. Eventually they even started dating.

‘Spock followed R into transformers to harass him and stalks his favorite characters just to harass him more’

Then, transformers. Here, let me show you the first post (by R) that ever brought MTMTE to my attention. I spent years being aggressively uninterested in transformers, but this caught my eye

and honestly, ppl (adults too!!!) shipping someone who has the mentality of a child and is quite glaringly lacking a world of experiences and general understanding of things outside of ‘good’ and ‘bad’, with an adult, is just. very alarming and gross to me.

and honestly, the fact that there is a large portion of people who want him to become romantically (and sexually!!!) involved with either one of two fucking adults in canon, and hell, esp those defending it with ‘hes an adult too tho!!’ is really gross.

you can pretend all you want that hes ‘an adult’ because his body is, but theres no way jro didnt intent to code him as a child. stop fetishizing children lmao,

#pedophilia -/-/- #cygate -/-/- #if someone comes at me screaming ‘rule 38′ im gonna shove them in a locker

I didn’t know transformers, but I was pretty sure this was some straight-up bullshit.

(but don’t worry, he ships it now! no hypocrisy here, no sir)

It’s “really gross” to ship this adult with other adults. Mm. Given the reasonableness of the claims these guys have made in the past, and given their extensive history of harassing people over those claims, I hopped to the wiki to check it out. I read a bit about the comic and the plot, and all of it sounded so fascinating that I just had to give the comic a try.

Reader, I married it.

I shotgunned MTMTE 1-47 in two days, started doing fanworks right out of the gate, and I’ve never looked back. A lot of my art was cygate, because come on, the comic wants you to ship it so bad, my first readthrough ended with issue 47, and that was the first ship I’d ever read about for the series, even before I dove in.

Now, both these characters punch me right in the heart, in some painfully personal ways. Tailgate’s the more relevant one here, but I don’t even know if I could do justice to the emotions both of them give me.

I’m still not a fan of how R’s lies about me have edged me into needing to say this in public, but okay. I’m developmentally delayed. It’s been a rough ride. And Tailgate hits me in some of those spots so hard it just takes my breath away. I’ve got a lot of baggage over not being a real adult, and not in the funny oh-no-how-do-taxes-work way, more like an extended months-long meltdown my first year of college because I can tell that my friends are years ahead of me and I don’t know how to even start catching up, and just existing, as myself, is humiliating.

All of my relationship milestones have come painfully, painfully late. The whole thing is still one awful emotional bruise. I hate it, and I hate how easy it is to convince myself that yeah, of course you don’t actually deserve to be treated as an adult and you never will. Just look at you. So then it is unbelievably important to me that I can see someone someone who is like me, being treated as a legitimate adult, and being able to have an adult relationship.

Hearing that shipping someone like me is essentially pedophilia is the opposite of that.

But he ships it now, so everything is fine :)

Yeah, you know what? Another fucking receipt.

uGHGH im so tired of all the rabid cy// /gat// //e fans like even cy’s giving em a look like ‘leave my fucking child alone’

#i just #im hoping jro has some taste tho and doesnt make an adult date a child #and if not im hoping the outcome blows over soon bc im so tired of seeing people defend pedophilia #pedophilia -/-/-

Parental.

This continued even after JRO explicitly confirmed Tailgate was an adult.

Bonus ableism: shipping Whirl (another character who hits me way too hard) isn’t okay either. Even though there isn’t the excuse of ‘but he only lived three years--’ No, at that point, you’re saying that an adult who fails to adult correctly does not count, and isn’t allowed to have romantic relationships. It makes my skin crawl, and it is an issue which is very personally and directly important to me.

So some of my cygate was porn from the start (it’s what I write. it’s what I draw.), and some of the porn was made because I was upset over discourse that says someone like me needs to be treated as a child. I played with cywhirlgate too, because omg how could I not, and some of that was porn as well. It was ages ago, so I don’t remember the details for every little thing I made. But when I saw someone saying that Cyclonus and Tailgate had a parental relationship, I’m sure that helped nudge me in that direction. Maybe R thinks I should have channeled my emotions by starting a whisper campaign to exclude him from fandom spaces. But I think my way of working through bad emotions might have been a little healthier than that.

So when R accuses me of making cygate content to spite him? Half true. Just true enough to be real fucking dishonest. R spent a nice long time insisting that cygate was pedophilia. I channeled my outrage over that ableism into fan creations.

I didn’t attack him. I talked about him some – on a private forum, with people who’d already been aware of him and had been watching him and C hurt people for years, plural. I haven’t told people on tumblr any real details about him until now. And R still is happy to talk about how it was his toxic ex’s right to post torture/rape/murder porn vent fic about actual people.

Tell me, how exactly am I in the wrong?

Bonus pettiness: I posted some cywhirlgate porn. The next day, R vaguely whined about robot pedophilia and turned around and wrote some obviously-a-response cywhirlgate. Where it was super platonic and the text explicitly said it was super platonic and it even had platonic thigh nuzzling. With two “children” involved. Of course I turned around and wrote more fic of my own, because jesus h christ that made my skin crawl. You want to play this game? I guarantee I can write faster than you, let’s do this. (he did not follow through on that)

I’d also like to say that forgetting inconvenient little details like this is a thing with R. Hard to call me terrible for writing spitefic when you write it yourself.

A history of Spock’s personal involvement

Let’s backtrack a tiny bit. You may notice I am up to my elbows in this nonsense for no clear reason.

I was friends with some of the people C was taking shots at, and I was unfortunate enough to believe his original smear campaign about that one artist (I’m still ashamed about that). I cared about a number of people C was trying to hurt. I think one or two fanworks of mine upset him, but he already had loads of targets. I kept tabs on him and R, because anxiety is the gift that just keeps giving.

Eventually, C fantasized about wanting to put my former datemate’s hand through a meat grinder (ey wrote a fic that portrayed his fave in a negative light). And R defended his right to do that.

The person he posted about is still feeling the effects of that incident. I’m still feeling the effects of that. And it wasn’t even directed at me, just someone I care deeply about.

R has recently posted that ‘oh my goodness, C sure was awful, remember when he posted this thing about a meat grinder and how unreasonable it was?’ Thanks buddy, glad you noticed, now just go ahead and keep on blaming me for the aftereffects of what your boyfriend did, and what you defended.

After that, it was months before I could properly look away from either of their blogs.

C posted extensively about trying to track down the street address of his ~enemies~ (including the one whose genitals he fantasized about mutilating). He posted about how autistics should die. He had skype chats about wanting to do amateur brain surgery on people. All while posting very often about finding real addresses.

Yeah, it’s more than a year later, and every so often I get a stab of anxiety and have to head off to double check on what these two are up to.

I will repeat that C has been pretty chill lately. He’s got a career he’s aiming for. Good for him, go find success, please don’t slip back into being an internet bully. It’s sad and upsetting to see R echoing some of the early patterns of his ex, and it’s so strange to see me labeled as his own personal enemy.

‘Spock will totally come harass you too’ and/or various accusations of ableism

So there are some things I did in the mix in this history that I regret. Occasionally, I went out and flipped through the blogs of C and R’s friends, seeing if maybe they’d had said something in their notes, did they have any vagueblogs C liked, did they post about— It got unreasonable. I admit that. Anxiety was at the root of it, but it absolutely got unreasonable. And also it is a massive time sink, and I can’t remember the last time I bothered with it. I enjoy life much more when anxiety and paranoia issues don’t have their claws in me. This hasn’t been an issue in a very long time.

I came down hard on some of the kinfeels and system stuff too, which I do walk back a bit. C’s approach was… hahaha. It was something. And he was my intro to the kin and system paradigms. I saw R talking about C’s approach being unreasonable too, pretty recently. So that was an unfortunate bit of poison in how I processed the next people I met who did that sort of thing. I don’t do kin stuff, but I get it. And DID may not strictly apply to all systems, by the formal diagnostic criteria, but I’ve learned there are plenty of other dissociative disorders out there. And I met people who were multiples and who did kin things that weren’t these two guys. Which helped a LOT.

But the big one, hmmm. C wrote a fic. The idea was interesting, but the execution frustrated me. Everyone but the main lead felt so… flat. Everyone was constantly cruel to the main, for no reason. I saw a way to riff on the original text while staying true to its shape, and writing my bad emotions out is also a major, major thing I do to cope. Now, my big thing is that I should have asked before I remixed. I’d been thinking in terms of, y’know, transformative fanworks. Even with authors like Anne McCaffrey and Anne Rice, who fought against fandom, people have still felt that it should be allowed, even against their wishes. So I wrote the remix. I gave full credit on ao3 in the ‘inspired by’ box, linked to the original with positive words, the whole shebang.

The guy was still furious, and… that’s fair. I thought I’d written a thing on self-sabotage that was pretty sympathetic and compelling, and the self-sabotage actually drew a lot on my own personal history. But I gave the main flaws he strongly disagreed with, and I didn’t ask for permission. I get why he was/is angry over it.

I’ve been a fixture on their shitlists ever since :P

It’s remarkable, even while R posts now about ‘oh my god, remember how C wrote the creepiest things?’, I’m still the one who’s the the actual worst, for being skeeved out by the creepy things and finding a constructive way to deal with it. R’s controlling ex gets full freedom when it comes to vent fic, even when it’s about wallowing in torturing, raping, and murdering an avatar for a real person (the original one they harassed!), or punching someone in the face until they agree to be your friend (another artist these guys targeted). But R’s position seems to be that only C is allowed to vent (even if it’s genital mutilation fantasies), and I’m definitely not.

Oh, and R has now expanded this remix into me totally having a consistent pattern of stealing ideas and plagiarism and so many remixes that are obviously done as revenge on anyone who pisses me off. So that’s nice.

So R hates your writing. Is that seriously why this post exists?

Ha, no. Let’s look at the concrete things R is saying. Here, let me post a little sampling of evidence.

These aren’t just things he’s shouting into the void, people have responded saying wow, I never knew that! These are lies that people are believing about me. And then yesterday, June 30, 2017, he warned a friend not to disagree with my meta, or I’d come harass them. A friend I’m aggressively leaving out of this, just as I’m leaving out other responses, because these people don’t deserve to be dragged into R’s bullshit.

Let’s have bullet points. Some of these are the silly spock-is-bad-at-writing complaints. Those are here because this whole mess is pretty fucking depressing and the ridiculous claims make me laugh, but these are all things he says.

Spock is evil – You know what, he’s not calling people pedophiles, which is a step up. I’ll take it.

Spock is a plagiarist – I remixed one fic with full credit, said only good things about the original, and linked to it in extra places so that people would have extra opportunities to click through and check it out. I arguably remixed inappropriately, but that’s not the same thing. Words have definitions. If I’m a plagiarist, so is everyone who’s ever written a fanfic.

Spock is something something mean when people disagree – I don’t even know, man. I’m actually shockingly conflict-averse. Is this because I make walls of text and explain why I hold opinions at great length? I enjoy talking about a thing I love. I’m autistic, I’m hyperverbal, and this is my special interest, so is it that I talk a lot? That’s the best I can do. I’ve talked about things I disagree with on a private forum, in which case mister pot has had a lot of fun in public on twitter, not only talking shit, but also spreading outright untruths. Maybe he wants to rethink this one.

Spock will come harass you if you disagree – You need to back the heck down, pal.

Spock’s meta/fic/characterization is bad and they should feel bad – Hahaha, fite me. He won’t, because I can articulately defend myself at significant length, and his criticisms seem to stop at ‘spock sucks’, but hey.

Spock used ableist language about Whirl - I... what? This one confuses me and makes me laugh so it stays here. Also, holy double standards, batman.

Spock is only into transformers to harass R – I checked out transformers because I was pretty sure R was being disgustingly ableist (he was). I stayed in transformers because I adore it. I had to adore it a lot to make me willing to share fandom space with these two. My god, I have better things to do with my life than spend all my time on something that bores me just to annoy one asshole on the other side of the internet. I’d ask if he thinks I spent dozens of painstaking hours cross-stitching Starscream just to bother him, but….. yep, pretty sure he does.

Spock goes after all of R’s favorite characters to upset him – R latches on to just about every interesting and/or sympathetic character that shows up. When he was dating C, they covered most of the cast between them. I don’t care who R likes best because I don’t agree with his opinions. I tend to stay away from his opinions because I don’t like reading things that bother me. This is asnine. I’m only allowed to like the characters R despises, I guess.

Spock makes fanworks for things R likes just to make him see them – Oh my god, I don’t caaaaaare. I write about things that interest me, unless I’m venting. Say, venting about the way R and his ex have deliberately hurt a shockingly high number of people I care about. ‘Spock made rodistar because I liked it--’ I made it because I wrote a thing about their parallels, and shipping was the obvious next step. R isn’t that important to me. Promise.

This is just exhausting, man. The anxiety bugs had been dying down, and it had been ages since I checked out this guy’s anything. C, who drove the whole initial blowup that led to this, has been quiet and chill on tumblr. But R has learned from his ex’s old example and has been having fun spreading lies about me.

In conclusion

Some fun history.

R was 18 when he told a CSA survivor upset about being outed and harassed to wank using their tears for lube.

He was older than that when he defended C’s right to post about wanting to mutilate someone’s genitals (for the crime of saying C’s logic didn’t make sense).

He was older than that when he complained about that person’s spouse being ‘vicious’ for reacting badly to C’s genital mutilation fantasy.

He was older than that when he nodded along as C called autistic people retards and said they should die.

He was older than that when he talked about being happy that someone he disliked was triggered, and nodded along when C fantasized about that person drinking bleach.

And he was older than that when he defended C, his twenty-something boyfriend, against the thirteen-year-old that C had been having incredibly inappropriate conversations with, despite skype log proof and everything.

And despite all this, I’m still the bad guy, because I didn’t think what they were doing was okay. I’m the bad guy for being upset by C's actions, even though... R is now upset by C’s actions. The ways I responded to C were inexcusable. My only motivation is to hurt people. Every thing I did that ever upset them still means I’m terrible, even though R is saying this while he’s busy posting about how awful C is. And this all means that he needs to warn his friends not to catch my attention, or I’ll come harass them.

So, I’m tired.

I’m very tired.

I’m glad he’s trying to grow past that history. Good. Maybe he can do that without making up a story about how I’m unrepentant villain who lives for villainy and who only takes joy in causing him pain. I’m sure it helps him, because it’s a story that brushes aside the shit he did that he regrets, and makes his past less painful to think about. But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with him telling lies about me.

I don’t know why I’m the one boogeyman he has left (I kid, it’s because I’m in transformers, and because he thinks I’m popular. he harps on it a lot, and it’s weird for everyone). I mean, whatever. I’ve aggressively avoided publishing drama details on here for a very long time. But there are two blog tags, miscellaneous other untagged blog content, three forum threads, and hundreds of pages of skype logs with hard evidence of this bullshit.

I’m pretty sure that if he tries to defend himself, one, he’ll place some blame on his ex. That’s fair. C was pretty darn controlling and demanding. But R is still absolutely responsible for his own actions, and is especially responsible for the harm he personally caused. He’ll talk about how it’s bullshit to pull up all these receipts from so very long ago. In that case, his receipts for me (whatever he even has) are equally old, so aren’t they null and void? No, because Spock is the devil. And it’s not so much bullshit if he’s clearly learned nothing, and has gone back to spreading outright falsehoods about people.

To be clear, a lot of the lies he told about me were told a while back. Weeks to a few months to a year. I was letting it sit, because I’d really, really hoped this was over. Yesterday, June 30, 2017, he warned a friend not to publicly disagree with my meta or I’d come and harass them.

It’s been three years since I first saw him doing this. I’ve watched him hurt a lot of people, and I’ve watched him admit, multiple times, that he has hurt people. I thought he’d learned to stop following these toxic patterns. Apparently he has not.

Edit 7/2/2017: To repeat the edit up above, R has said he regrets posting these things about me, and that he's going to try to avoid slipping into this in the future. I very much appreciate that.