#crystal but birthday 2023

[kindahoping4forever]

Happy Birthday!!! 🥳🥳🥳

Ashton Irwin striptease gifs? For me? On my birthday? How thoughtful 😌 Thank you Carmo! 🥰

[wiiildflowerrr]

michaelclifford a pregnant legend on her special day. i love you so much. ❤️

saraheiseman Love that hot cutie mama sm 💗

23 June 2023

ryanfleming

[jatcv]

Today is Willy and Hope’s birthday! My oc’s are here with them to celebrate their special moment of growing up and wishing them a good life with willow and her family members! But also, it’s also today their birthday too! Please wish all the oc’s a happy birthday! 🎂🎉🎈🎊🎁

Crystal, Elena and Jackhira had finally turned 14!😍😄😁

[hjbirthdaywishes]

July 22, 2023

Happy 29 Birthday to Isabelle Cornish. 

[heliotrope-journey]

Rejoice in the Garden with Care

Good evening, vampire hunters.

Frederick and Eforie are getting ready to look for Clément, a wise red cat that hangs around Baudelaire City, but aspiring heroes cannot find him anywhere. The day may not be over yet, but if the wolves have gotten him in a previous attack, it could take ages for these heroes to know where to start, leaving the city vulnerable to the next strike. They’ll have to settle for these weapons, hoping they’ll at least keep the wolves at bay until dawn. I haven’t vectored them yet so the best that can happen is that they’ll walk away with nasty paper cuts. (Don’t tell Sidiyq Qadim!)

Meanwhile, in the present, our heroes of Waltz of Sepulchral Silence and The Heliotrope Chronicles are celebrating Frederick’s birthday in Esther’s secret garden. Ioana and Lucinda are occupying their time searching for a chocolate cake hidden in one of the bricks while their companions are chatting below them. Ioana expresses her concern that no one knows how long the cake had been concealed for and if it is still edible once found. Lucinda laughs it off and regales her with a tale of how during his quest to save his brother, Florentin Chinezu found a freshly cooked pot roast in a crevice after tearing a hole in a cavern wall with his handcrafted sword.

Ioana is baffled by Lucinda’s argument, suggesting that the roast was prepared moments before it was placed in the crevice, but the rebuttal heightens Lucinda’s expectations. She turns her head right and notices a gilded platinum brooch with an amethyst crested in the middle hidden inside a vase full of flowers. She forgets about the chocolate cake for a moment and believes the brooch would be a perfect present for Frederick. She reaches her hand inside and grabs it, but what the clumsy Lucinda didn’t realize was that the act summoned rogue elemental drones to the group’s location. Embarrassed, she tried to apologize, but Frederick, Eforie, Jay, and Ioana sprang into action to deal with the sentient crystals. Sadly for Lucinda and Esther, the sisters could only watch the battle unfold. They neglected to take the time to find weapons of their own when entering the garden and they possess no magic of their own. They inherited their mother’s belief that violence is never the answer, but never have they entered a world where it is common to kill or be killed yourself, specifically inside Dracula’s castle. Even the most serene, colorful areas in his domain is a battleground in the making. Lucinda and Esther will have to start looking for weapons if they hope to resume the birthday celebration quicker and just maybe, they’ll have to infiltrate the Caustic Cakery for ingredients in case the chocolate cake is nowhere to be found. Both have a knack for baking pastries so where there’s resources, there’s a way. Photo by Ukrainian photographer Kostiantyn Vierkieiev on Unsplash.

Our Valentine’s Day ad has, unfortunately, been delayed until the end of the month. The development process of Chapter 4 in both games have taken priority, but we are sorry for the inconvenience this late announcement has caused. You’re going to love the weapons Sidiyq Qadim cooked up, though. ;)

Have a good night and thank you for supporting Heliotrope Journey!

Sincerely,

WN

[zhongrin]

𒆙 ???

part 2/8 of ⎡∞ / 𝟔 𝟎 𝟎 𝟎 ⁺⎦, a zhongli 2023 birthday event

© zhongrin | 2023  ✼  no repost・translations・plagiarism of any kind・ai data mining. rebloggers get a free cup of tea ♡

𖧷 tags ┈ gn!reader, cuteness overload, fluff

𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒻𝓊𝓁𝓁 𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓊 ❬ masterlist ❭ 𐫱 𝓂𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅 ❬ taglist ❭

𝒽ues of yellow-green blades of swaying grass nearly made you miss the most endearing sight in your whole years of living:

a dragon hatchling rolled onto its back, playing with twigs, leaves, and pebbles.

its horns, brown and golden akin to its darker shade of scales, were stubby and indicative of how young it was. the little thing’s teeth didn’t even look fully grown yet, judging from how it was gnawing the pebble clutched within its black-clawed arms. it looked like it wasn’t a pure dragon, in fact. you noted a few elements which looked a little foreign, and perhaps that was the exact reason why you had unconsciously inched closer to it, the curious being that you were.

the young beast stiffened when it sensed your nearing presence. its tail lashed for a fraction of a second, and suddenly you heard soft snarls and growls as it bristled like an angry cat, amber eyes narrowed at you.

your breath hitched, and for a moment you considered stepping back to leave it be. but alas, your curious mind wanted to get closer to it, to observe and study the little thing’s behavior. it wasn’t everyday that you would have the opportunity to find a young dragon which should be relatively harmless if you play your cards right…

you stepped backward temporarily in hope to not intimidate it further, your eyes surveying the ground closely before they settled at a suitable offering in the distance. it was perfect: shiny, smooth, and almost flawlessly oval-shaped. beaming, you bounded towards the pretty pebble to take it into your palm, only to then approach the wary hatchling yet again, palms out like a devout knight offering their sword to the emperor.

the little thing stared.

and stared some more.

the golden-colored, fluffy tuft of his tail started thumping against the ground.

its tiny claws swiped the rock from your palm, and you watched in fascination as the young dragon started biting on them.

hm. perhaps this behavior didn’t stem from his growing teeth as human beings do, but a ritual to test or mark a possession of its own?

…. you should come and see it again tomorrow.

one visit became two, which soon enough became five, ten, twenty… aaaand you lost count.

aside from normal foods like berries or meat, it seemed to be able to eat small rocks or minerals, and boy, it had its preferences. cor petrae seemed to be its favorite, and you’ve noticed that on the occasions you were lucky enough to be able to procure them, its horns would glow brighter, and the dull crystal-like rocks on its back would slowly pulse with a golden shimmer. you had to wonder if this little one had a special affinity to the geo element.

and one day you realized - the little dragon had imprinted on you.

surprising, given how it had bitten you yesterday when you tried to feed it, but then again, it had been gnawing on your hand for the past few days, and if it wasn’t a sign of aggression…

you glanced down at how the little hatchling had curled and nuzzled onto your stomach, soft purrs muffled against your rugged piece of clothing.

“i guess you’ll need a name, huh,” you mused, poking the small snout and smiling wider when it began to nibble on the appendage.

山 - a wish so that he’ll grow as big as the mountains, be just as steadfast and unwavering, as regal and composed, as immovable and permanent.

石 - a wish so that he’ll embrace struggles and turn inconveniences into advantages, for him to leave his mark on his journey, to create a trail of little history books of golden memories.

王 - a wish so that he’ll grow into a being befitting of wielding wisdom and prosperity, a being who will lead his own fate and carve his own destiny.

“let’s go home, then, yánwáng.”

𖧷 𝓂𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅 ❬ taglist ❭ ┈ @abyssmal-skies | @hamdehlesmis | @depressivecomforts | @sunnshineflxwer | @yuutasbabe | @queen-belial | @stygianoir | @silentmoths | @niktwazny303 | @dustofthedailylife | @marina-and-the-memes | @mixed-kester | @lordbugs | @anonymousficreader | @shizunxie | @ansy-tea | @irethepotato | @sassy-cat-in-town | @syrenkitsune | @smokipoki | @cakeboxie | @crystalflygeo | @ciexuvia | @illaasya | @celestewritestoomuch | @pams-comfortzone | @spidermanluvr444 | @ourstrawberryclouds | @ryuryuryuyurboat

[thesparklingwriter]

treasured moments

tags: established relationship, fem!reader, fluff, dragon zhong doing dragon zhong things (he's hoarding treasure)(he likes soft things)

"celeste, rin's birthday way in june--" shhhh.... i am 6 months behind on everything. hush.

lore: around the time of @zhongrin 's birthday, i very suspiciously left an ask for undisclosed reasons asking about things she thought Zhongli would secretly like. and in order to maximise the surprise I decided to wait six months before even starting the fic, AND almost forgot to add the one thing she said she thought he liked but I digress. nobody expected it, did they? i got you all. right? i got you right? you're all surprised?

masterlist | taglist

It’s a well known fact that dragons are hoarders. When they find something they hold dear, they will go to extreme lengths to protect it. They will fill their abodes with the things they love, collecting anything that reminds them of it—anything to curate their home to the best of their ability.

Your dragon is no different. Zhongli will often return home with small trinkets that you truly believe there is no space for, and you often tell him as such, albeit offhandedly. He’s good at decorating, and for some reason, the house never seems crowded or cluttered. 

Over time, you began to notice his preferences change. At first it was noticing the crystal and ores he found matching the colour of your eyes, or your hair, or a piece of clothing you hold dearly. You’d notice that sometimes, after pulling you close to him in the middle of the night, and quietly remarking about how soft you are, he’d come home with something knitted or plush. Things you mention to him in passing suddenly pop up in your room or on your bed. You know not to say anything about it, afraid of making him embarrassed or suppress himself out of fear of offending you, but it’s hard to express you’re gratitude without words.

When you hear the sound of the front door opening, you pull yourself out of the cushions and blankets you’ve buried yourself in (courtesy of Zhongli, of course) and head towards the door to greet him.

“Good evening, love.” He says when he sees you, putting his bag gently pulling you into a hug. “How has your day been?”

“It’s been okay.” You ask about his day too, before shifting you attention to his bag. “What did you get?”

“I happened upon these woven blankets during my walk home.” He watches as you look inside. “I thought they might be a welcome addition to the house.”

Before, you might have agreed quietly, desperate to not make him to aware of himself. But now, you think quietly to yourself. “I’ve been thinking that the seat in the study is somewhat bare.”

You aren’t looking at him, so you don’t notice the slight glimmer that appears in his eyes as you begin to devise where his latest trinket shall go. He isn’t bothered about where you choose to put the blanket or whether colours might clash, however. He knows that his true treasure is found wherever you are.

© 2023, thesparklingwriter. please do not copy, edit, repost, or translate.

notes: rin i hope you don't mind me tagging you but if you do I apologise and I hope everything in your life is getting better and your pillow is cold on all sides and---

taglist: @thelonelyarchon@aixaingela@medusuu

[32bitterra]

(September 3 - September 22 2023)

I never really know what to say in these things, but I hope the drawings will speak for me. More under the cut (there's a LOTTTTT this time.)

Revisited an idea as previously seen in Feb. 2023 Highlights.

Rejected Sasha sketch.

I realized I had only drawn Milka four times so I decided to rectify that. (But who's to say she isn't in all of my drawings but invisible.)

Quentin makes me happy.

(Will anyone get the reference? I wonder)

(The joke is they are both named Mikhail. hahahaaaaaaaaAa)

(patrick voice) EVERYONE DIED.

I figured out how to make gradients the real way in my art thing. It's over for you all.

Aye aye aye, your eyes hypnotize 🎵

(here I was thinking I was clever for drawing Kitty with hypno-eye swirlies, but upon closer inspection on her model, she had them all along.)

Note: Crystal doesn't have an official birthday. I just chose from a random Virgo date. It happened to be Sept. 22. Yaaaaaaaaay.

I dread to imagine what's inside that box.

[inhuman-obey-me]

Belated collab piece for Solomon's Birthday 2023!

Art by Mod Cosmos

Writing by Mod Chaos

His Immortal Soul

Can also be read on AO3 here Word Count: 3.8k Description: "Madness, where is its soul? Madness, all alone." A series of reflections on Solomon, shining souls, and what it means to be human.

Iarabal

With an impressive 72 pacts at his command, the Witty Sorcerer Solomon is said to have a most delectable and enticing soul. Demons clamor for the chance at a piece of it; there are rumors that even Death herself longs to claim it. It shines with the wisdom he was once gifted, and it is finely aged with the polish of immortality. The soul of a man who controls so many demons without succumbing to their allurement is a delicacy indeed.

Humans with the power to resist demons have nicely polished souls, like jewels. The more noble a soul, the shinier, and the more demons both long to claim it and are repelled by it.

At least, that's how it should be. That’s how it usually works. It’s what Iarabal had expected, when he'd heard that the infamous sorcerer himself would be coming to RAD as an exchange student under the Demon Prince's bizarre plan. Of course, no one had dared actually touch him once he arrived -- his pacts are with some of the most powerful demons in the realm, and the idea of treason aside, none would want to additionally face the wrath of those such as Asmodeus or Barbatos. And that’s all before even getting to the sorcerer himself, a man so powerful and conniving that he’d managed to gain the power of those many demons while offering away little to nothing of himself in exchange.

So Solomon’s soul, by all rights, is quite beyond reach to any average demon such as himself.

But Iarabal had planned to look upon it, at least, and savor the fantasy of devouring it. Flames lick at the insides of his belly in anticipation, and he salivates at the thought, even if he knows he will never get a taste. A demon can dream, can’t he?

Yet, as he lays eyes upon the sorcerer, something feels not quite right. It sparkles, yes -- even more dazzlingly than the demon had imagined, it sparkles. But there is something wild and incomprehensible about it, like funhouse mirrors warping the refractions of a million diamonds. The longer he looks, the more it seems to expand and stretch, and he is trapped in it, as though a cavern of crystal is closing itself around him. His appetite is fading rapidly, and a growing sense of something almost like dread builds in his stomach in its place.

Is Solomon so noble, to be able to repel him this way? Is this the strength of how powerfully his soul shines?

The demon isn’t sure. This doesn’t feel the same as any other time a human’s soul has repelled him. He feels like he’s losing his mind entirely, and the longer he stares, the worse it seems to get. Then again, he’s never looked upon a human so powerful as this, so who can say?

Iarabal averts his gaze. He doesn’t want to look upon it anymore.

The sorcerer’s soul is, he thinks to himself, better left alone.

Lucifer

There is something very, very strange about that sorcerer, Lucifer thinks.

Solomon has, as always, asked him for a pact again today. “Come on, this is basically just how we greet each other, isn’t it?” the human explains away blithely when the demon rejects him, with a smile that doesn’t match the seriousness of what he asks.

Of course, it’s not the pact-seeking that makes Solomon so strange, even if he is singularly annoying in his persistence about it. Plenty of humans have sought similar with the infamous fallen angel. He’s not even the only among them to try to use trickery or magic to force the demon’s hand.

No, Solomon is strange because, of all those humans, he is the most alarmingly devious, wicked human ever to have such a beautiful soul.

“Someone pure, genuine, and worthy of respect. I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but demons are most attracted to the souls of people like that,” Lucifer had once told you.

The sorcerer as he knows him is none of those things. Lucifer is very familiar with the immortal’s reputation and history, and none of it could be described as pure. Rather than genuine, the man is unforthcoming at best and outright deceptive at worst. Any respect he has earned usually comes mostly from raw power, and most of that comes from the sheer number of pacts he’s accumulated, along with the Ring of Wisdom that Michael gifted him so very long ago. And then there’s the matter of his many past transgressions against demonkind...

Yet, despite this, Solomon’s soul sparkles brilliantly every time Lucifer sees him. It’s shocking how radiant it is, in fact. He’s hardly ever seen anything like it. The way it shines speaks to a level of purity and nobility of spirit beyond almost any other. And he smiles that carefree, nonchalant smile, an expression that would almost seem like he’s exactly what his soul says he is, even as he tries to solicit a pact from the demon, day after day, year after year.

But Lucifer knows better. Solomon is not pure or genuine. He is not as innocent as he plays at being. He is a dangerous person, and he is not to be trifled with.

The dissonance is unsettling, and for that, Lucifer does not trust him.

Granted, if a demon were to choose any human to make a pact with, Solomon would certainly be at the top of most any demon’s list. It’s true that a pact with that most powerful human sorcerer ever to live can lend one a certain degree of status in the Devildom. He has a reputation for only bothering with demons whose power he deems interesting enough to be worthwhile. And those who do forge such agreements with him revel in the amount of raw magic that he channels through them, when they are called upon.

Any other demon might have given in and made that pact a long time ago already. Rather, many already had – Lucifer’s own younger brother among them, to his chagrin.

But the Avatar of Pride is decidedly not looking for a human with whom to form a pact. He has had little interest in forging a pact with any human, ever. He’s made one exception recently, for you, and it’s his only one since becoming a demon. He doesn’t intend to make another. And certainly not with that particular human.

So, time after time, Solomon asks him again. And, time after time, Lucifer remains ever firm in his refusal.

Thirteen

It’s a real shame, Thirteen thinks.

The sight of his soul, the first time, is still clear in her memories. The way it sparkled when the moonlight hit him -- she doesn’t think she’ll ever forget it. It was bright, and brilliant, like the rainbows refracted off of the most incredible diamond, but also so much more than even that. No image could ever capture it; no words would ever be enough to describe it. Candy had thought she was delusional when she’d tried to tell her about it afterwards. But it was no delusion. His soul really was just that incredible.

It was like nothing she’d ever seen before, and nothing she’d seen since – at least, not until very recently.

And, to Thirteen’s disappointment, it doesn’t sparkle that way anymore.

That isn’t to say she doesn’t want it anymore, of course. It’s still one of the most captivatingly stunning souls she’s ever come across, and she’s not going to give up on having it. She’s been this patient thus far; she’ll keep trying, however long it might take.

Still...it really is a shame.

She misses the way Solomon used to be. These days, he’s so serious, even as he hides it behind a demeanor so cheerful it borders on idiocy.

Back then, he was different. He’d been more innocent by far, for one thing. She remembers the sight of that child hidden away in the basement, staring up at her through the lattice of that half-underground window. His life hadn’t been exactly easy up to that point, but his world back then had been so much smaller. He hadn’t been caught up in all these otherworldly conflicts, concerned with balances of power and the fate of humanity caught between them. No, back at that time, his magic still felt like a miracle to him, and even if it hadn’t been nearly so impressive back then, he’d had a simple sense of wonder and pride at each little feat he managed to perform.

His soul had been so perfectly pure back then, unclouded, unshaded. There had been such honest terror in the shriek he’d let out, and it had been so cute from that little kid that she couldn’t help but tease him a little, even as she’d tried to reassure him that she wasn’t his enemy.

She’d meant it then, and she means it still. Even as she tries time after time to capture his soul, and for all the many ways he’s annoyed her century after century, she holds no actual ill will towards the sorcerer. In a way, frustrating as it is to have her traps constantly fail against him, it’s a fun game of sorts for her too. He’s more than worthy as a target. She’s been waiting for the day his name shows up in the reaper’s list, but at this point, would taking his soul without a challenge even be satisfying?

So he entertains her tricks, and she plays at capturing him, and in the times in between, he calls her a friend -- one of his only friends, perhaps. He trusts her, with a strength of heart that only someone with such a brilliantly polished soul could.

She is not his enemy.

Someday, though. Someday, she’ll claim that sparkling soul of his. Even if it takes until the end of eternity, she’ll never give up on it.

For that man’s soul, it’s worth it. That’s just how valuable it is.

Barbatos

It was a delicious expression on Solomon’s face, that first day the two of them met -- shock, fear, desperation, shame. A delectable mix of all humanity’s basest, heaviest emotions.

To his great disappointment, Barbatos has never seen it again.

The reaper, among their cohorts, blames him for how the sorcerer’s soul changed, so many lifetimes ago; he is well aware of that. And he does not deny it -- it's true that Solomon is no longer the same as he once was. That may well be because of his influence.

Perhaps he did spoil him, back then, this fascinating human that he’d decided to take in and save from the encroaching grip of mortality. It had come about by a simple curiosity, mixed with a knowledge that few others had the privilege of being able to see. This human, a mere mortal on the verge of death, had been powerful enough to summon a demon as fabled as him without yet having a pact or bond in any way, and Barbatos could already foretell that this reckless earthly soul would someday have a pact with him who freely manipulated time at will. He knew this sorcerer would have quite the sway on the fate of the three worlds someday, and he was terribly interested in knowing how such a frail being would accomplish such a thing.

So Barbatos had taken Solomon to the Fountain of Knowledge, assigned him its guardianship, cared for him until he’d regained his health, and then made the pact he knew they were meant to have. He did show Solomon a wide expanse of alternate worlds and times, of futures and histories that the human could not have even dreamed. All of it was still nothing compared to what Barbatos himself has seen of the infinite. But it was far, far more than any human should have any right to know.

If that’s why Solomon is the way he is now, so be it.

But Barbatos isn’t so certain that’s exactly the case.

He knows who Solomon is, more deeply than probably anyone else the sorcerer has ever known. Few things can be kept secret from a demon who can see across all of time and space. He has seen Solomon at his best, at his worst, and most times in between. He has held both deep affection for and deep grudges against the man.

At the end of all of it, Solomon is who he is. He is exactly who he has always been meant to be. Barbatos has never tried to turn him into anything else.

One of the reasons Solomon’s soul shines so brightly, in his opinion, is probably that insatiable curiosity that he has. The sorcerer does not settle for things as they are; he wants to see things as they could be -- good or bad.

Solomon was the one to ask Barbatos to show him those deepest of horrors, dredged out of the abyss of possibility. “I’ve read through the books in the Fountain of Knowledge,” he’d announced, “almost every one of them. But knowing those things from books isn’t the same as knowing them. I need to see it, experience it, for myself, so I can be prepared for anything. Will you do that for me, Barbatos?”

Barbatos had simply obliged. He is, after all, the one who had brought Solomon to that place, so very long ago. It had been no surprise that the sorcerer had gone on to research what was available there, especially considering how long it took to restore him to health. He wasn’t going to deny the human’s request after already giving him that much.

And as the man himself had said, he would need to be prepared. He did need it, if he was going to fulfill the futures Barbatos had foreseen for him -- futures where Solomon would work towards pursuing the goals he has been so dogged about for an eternity now.

But that is simply who Solomon is. He wouldn’t have been satisfied with Barbatos keeping him sheltered and uninvolved, powerless in that perpetual battle between the other realms. He knew what he was asking for, and he wanted it anyway. He’s never regretted that request to Barbatos, and the demon doesn’t regret granting it.

So maybe Thirteen is right. Maybe it is Barbatos’s fault that Solomon’s soul is the way it is now. Maybe he did show the man too much, maddened his soul, corrupted him somehow. He is a demon, after all.

But Solomon doesn’t seem to mind, so neither does he.

Solomon

The sorcerer, like any human, has never been able to see his own soul.

He has, however, heard plenty said about it, by the many unearthly beings he calls company. Fascinated lesser demons have noted to him over the centuries that it is quite impressive, greed dripping from their tongues in hopes of taking it for their own.

Asmodeus, on the other hand, has never been particularly interested, occasionally quipping that if souls are like gems, he’s “not interested in lab-grown,” before ribbing the sorcerer over whether it’s even actually a human soul anymore.

Thirteen has lamented many a time how his soul doesn’t sparkle the same way it used to, a remark he usually just shrugs off. After all, what can he say in response? He has no control over the exact way that it sparkles, nor any particular interest in doing so specially for his reaper friend’s appeal anyway.

Barbatos, for his part, is quite neutral about it. “Your soul is hardly the most interesting thing about you,” the butler tells him.

Solomon is inclined to agree. Even if he can’t see souls in the same way they can, what does it matter? He knows who he is. He knows who he has been, where he came from, and what he has become. It is inescapable, in fact, even as his reflection in the mirror shows none of that change.

A reflection that, unchangingly, shows him what he has always been -- human.

They say he doesn’t really count as a human, that he can hardly even be considered human anymore at this point. And it hurts a little, he has to admit. He is still just as human as he has ever been, in his opinion, and it is only the others’ own condescending pity of humans that makes them think otherwise. They think he is not human because he has power, and no human could be so powerful. Despite his best efforts to show the potential of humans, they simply discount his own humanity instead.

His soul is proof. It’s not right. For being such a shining soul, the nobility of his heart is warped. It’s tainted by some strange shade, maddened by some unnatural force.

But he would say that unnatural force comes from the very ones who deny him his humanity. For thousands upon thousands of years, has his mission not been noble? Defending humanity’s right to be an equal, independent existence against the heavenly and demonic realms which seek to exert their influence is certainly a noble goal which has given him quite the strength of soul to resist them. Is it his fault that it required him to become so cunning and guarded to achieve that goal?

Any human who could see and experience what he has would be the same, he thinks -- if only any other human could indeed. It is, perhaps, the very loneliness of it that twists him further. He wouldn’t wish those struggles upon anyone, not truly, but he has long felt the weight of carrying this burden alone.

Then, you came along.

Falling in love with you is a little like seeing his younger self for the first time.

You are you, of course. You are not him, not a past version of him, not a thing simply to project onto. He knows that, and he would never try to make you someone you are not. But you are familiar in ways that feel almost nostalgic.

You still have an innocence, like he used to have. Not that you’re naive -- you know well enough how to handle those brothers by now, and you have certainly gained that ability to resist demons as Lucifer once instructed you to. But unlike most, you had a unique chance to earn the respect of those around you; the brothers have a true affection and camaraderie with you that most humans never have the chance to get. The Celestial Realm, too, first came to know of your existence as powerful before they really knew you.

They recognize you as an equal. And that gives you a chance to seek the same mission he has had all this time, from a more even starting point -- at least, if you want to. Or to seek anything else you’d like.

You have that kind of spirit, that he believes in whatever path you choose. Even without the power to see souls as they sparkle, he can see there is something special in you. Something he wants to protect, something he wants to nurture and see grow.

Something that he needs to protect, if the forces who twisted him are now threatening to involve you too.

You

Of course Solomon is a little weird, you think. He’s a human who has existed in this world of demons, magic, angels, sorcerers, witches, and everything else, for longer than any human rightfully should have existed at all.

But at this point, aren’t you a little weird, too?

You laugh it off the first few times they say it -- that it’s debatable whether he even counts as human anymore. It’s true, you think. An immortal, powerful sorcerer who has seen everything you’ve ever learned about history and more, with a reputation of being more demonic than most demons themselves? Yeah, you’ve never met any human quite like him.

The longer it goes on, though, the more that opinion changes.

With the brothers affectionately surrounding you, chattering away amongst themselves, they make that remark again, and a small part of you starts to wonder what exactly they mean by it.

What’s so inhuman about him?

He may be deviously clever, but is it really so strange to think that humans might have their schemes sometimes? It’s rampant throughout the human world.

His age is beyond comprehension, but it turns out that plenty of human witches bargain with demons to extend their lives. You’ve started considering it too, if you’re being honest.

He is powerful, the most powerful human ever to live -- except, so are you now.

You start thinking, more and more, that the two of you aren’t actually quite so unalike.

If they think he’s not human anymore, how long until they think the same of you?

So you mention it to him one day, just as a passing comment, during your training together. You didn’t mean much by it, but he frowns, and he ends training for the day, and he takes you to a café, just so you can chat about it a little more. And you didn’t mean to complain, but you end up talking about it and all your other worries and stresses over this whole exchange student turned sorcerer deal for what turns into hours.

He's vague, and evasive about any follow-up questions, but he tells you a little about some of his worries too.

You realize you didn’t really know him all that well before. You start to get to know him better.

When you start talking to him after that, really talking and having real conversations, it’s refreshing in a way. You tell him mundane little stories about your life before all of this -- about your parents, your friends, old anecdotes of how you grew up. You tell him about the things you used to do and your worries about how you’ve become so disconnected from all of that now. And he understands. He listens with a knowing sort of care that none of the others quite have. They do listen to you, of course, but everyday human life is as abstract to them as this world used to be to you. Human life, compared to their own realms, seems so small and inconsequential.

Not to Solomon, though.

As you talk to him, you realize, without a shadow of a doubt, that he remembers. The human world has changed over time, and so has he, but he still remembers what it was like. He still sees things as a human does, no matter how long he’s been surrounded by all this. He asks you all about the human world nowadays, like a house he used to live in, where new owners have come in, and the walls have been repainted, and none of the furniture is arranged how it was before.

Even so, it still feels like home to him. And talking about it feels like home to you.

You don’t really know what they all mean, when the others talk about souls being sparkly or polishing yourself so yours becomes shiny.

Apparently, you sparkle. Apparently, so does he.

But does it matter? Does it matter how all these otherworldly beings judge the worth of a human soul?

What you know is this:

You are human. And so is he.

[writingsforwhatever]

Part 1: Love letters to Matthew (m.s.)

summary: matt never felt the same way until he finally did.

warnings: very very slow burn. this is a long read, go get a snack! if you don't like reading, don't read it. ALSO, i have one shots based of this story. Their little moments leading up to the reader and matt confessing their feelings for each other. Let me know if you all are interested! enjoy my little bored mind.

A/N: Hi, before you continue reading this story, please be aware that I wrote this work of mine two years ago for my creative writing. It's my baby, and I hold it close to my heart. I lost inspiration for it a while back, but now I'm sharing it with the world. This is a long read because it's the entire story in two post. (Part 2 is posted). It's in no way connected or affiliated with Matt Sturniolo. I just made him the character because he fits the character's personality, and I needed to envision someone while I continued writing it, so I thought, why not?

word count: 27,231k

"If I could choose to live anywhere in the world, I would still choose to live here," she remarked, passing the bowl of Cheetos to Matt. "I mean, I could also pick a place in Sweden, somewhere in Northern Europe, but who could leave Massachusetts?"

Matt, sprawled out on the couch with the TV playing in the background, shrugged. "You could," he replied, smiling down at her. "Come on, don't be so negative. You can't possibly stay here forever."

"Why not? What's wrong with here?" She asked, standing up. She was now facing Matt, and a change of heart suddenly took hold. "I mean, I guess you're right." She flopped down next to him once more, sighing. "Do you think we'll ever fulfill our dreams and go to Europe together?"

"Of course, you idiot. We will, don't worry about it too much," he reassured her, glancing at her. It was the 19th day of December, a snowy day in the Bay State, and excitement was in the air. Airports were busier than usual, which meant one thing: Christmas was just around the corner.

September 2023

"Damn it," she cursed as she unpacked her suitcase. It was September, with summer in the process of ending and fall about to arrive. She couldn't believe her parents had thrown a "party" to welcome her back from her two-month long vacation. Before leaving, she had made it crystal clear that she didn't want any crazy shit, but it turned out that Luke had talked to her parents behind her back while she was spending time with him abroad. She glanced at the poster on her wall once again and whispered with a smile, "That idiot."

Luke.

The boy with light brown eyes reminiscent of autumn leaves, the one who swam throughout college, briefly dropped out, and then returned to college. He was the boy she met at Samantha's birthday party, the one her little cousin had a crush on - Luke.

"I'm so sorry," she apologized frantically, searching for the green tissue pack in her little bag while setting the glass of beer on a nearby table. Her white shirt was now stained with liquor, which was just great. The embarrassment of the situation was overwhelming, leaving her unable to think straight.

"No worries," Luke chuckled, clearly taken aback by the unexpected encounter. "I should've been more careful."

She handed him the tissues, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "That was so embarrassing. I'm truly sorry," she said with a sheepish smile.

"Don't worry about it. It’ll dry," he replied with a reassuring smile.

In that moment, she wished she could vanish into the ground, hoping some higher being might intervene and make it happen right there and right then.

"I’m going to miss you so much," Luke sighed, embracing her from behind.

She turned to face him, her expression softening. "Me too, but we'll see each other again on Christmas, okay?"

"That's a long time. I'll really really miss you," he admitted with a sad smile.

"Oh, shut up. You're probably tired of seeing my face every day," she giggled while still unpacking her suitcase.

"I could never. I love you too much." He chuckled, shaking his head.

"That's a nice touch," she pointed at her wall, changing the subject.

"You like it? Your mom helped me," he replied, smiling at her.

"Ya’ll are so dramatic," she chuckled.

Welcome back! – Haley, Mom, & Dad

After that fateful night in March when she met Luke, she had slowly stopped composing letters to Matthew altogether. The dynamics of her relationships with him had shifted, leaving behind a stack of handwritten words that now belonged to the past.

Matt.

Matt, with eyes as blue as a warm sunny day's sky, was someone she could lose herself in. He was the boy she loved so deeply that if her heart were torn from her chest, his name would be etched there. Matthew, the only one she had ever loved before Luke.

During the summer of ’20, she came to the realization that she had developed a crush on her best friend. On the night he drove her home, she silently prayed for God to make her feelings for him disappear. It seemed absurd; this was Matt, her very own Matt, her dearest friend in the world, and she was in love with him.

As they both grew older, she began to perceive him in a new way. He underwent changes; growing out his hair became something she loved. His height increased too. Whenever she sees him, a permanent smile adorned his face, and she found herself deeply and irrevocably in love with him. Everything he did captivated her, particularly the moment he slept on her shoulder in the car. It was ridiculous how loudly her heart throbbed at that time.

"Do you think they'll mind if it's just the two of us, Matt?" she asked, settling into the passenger seat.

"Why? We've done this plenty of times before; they'll be okay," he reassured her, quieting her with a gentle shush as he started the car.

On the day they left for LA, tears streamed down her face, staining Nick's shirt. "We'll be back for Thanksgiving, you goof," he reassured her.

No matter if it was for Christmas or her birthday, she didn’t care but the fact that her best friends were leaving at that moment weighed heavily on her. "You’re moving to the other side of the country, and I’m heading to college," she sniffled, the airport surroundings continued to add to her gloom.

Chris, empathetic, offered her a comforting a hug. "The other side of the country is crazy,” he said. "You can visit us, you know."

Her response came with a hint of frustration, "I'll be in college, Chris."

With a warm smile, Chris reassured her, “You can visit us during breaks. We're just one flight away."

She gazed at Matt, noticing his pink cheeks. "Everything's going to be okay. We'll see each other again in no time," he smiled sadly at her. She wanted to believe Matt wholeheartedly, as she always did, but deep down, she knew that things would never be the same.

August 23, 2021

Dear Matt, I miss you all so much. Mom and Dad just dropped me off at college, and my roommate, Samantha seems nice. She's from San Diego. You don't think my Boston accent is interesting, do you? She keeps saying it is, but I don't think so. I hope you're having a blast over there. I know you are. I really wish you were here. I miss you the most. Massachusetts sucks without you guys.

September 15, 2021

Dear Matthew,

I already miss you. It's funny; we just spoke on the phone, and here I am writing you a letter already. You sounded really happy, which makes me happy too. By the way, I just realized I brought Nick's shirt with me and your white hoodie too!! I didn't mention it earlier because I thought you might want them back. Haha.

Anyway, I can't wait for Fall; maybe we can visit a pumpkin patch. I know how much you love those. I'm looking forward to seeing you and everyone. Homesickness is setting in, and I miss home, especially you. I miss you the most.

P.S. Samantha thinks Nate is cute, but I don't think she’s his type.

The days went by, and she found herself missing him even more. The calls and texts lessened, she became busier, and Matt was texting her when she was at class and would reply to her when she was face down on the bed, asleep.

She struggled to admit it, but the Instagram posts featuring their new friends tugged at her heartstrings with a sense of longing. She couldn’t shake the feeling of being left out, as if life was in full swing without her presence, playing out somewhere in Southern California with her friends and the love of her life, while she sat alone at UMass, eating a sandwich in the cafeteria. She yearned to turn back time to those carefree 9th-grade days, where she’d laugh at Chris’s antics in class or when Matt and Nick would whisk her away for impromptu beach adventures.

September 28, 2021

Dear Matt,

I saw a guy today who I thought looked just like you in an ice cream shop while I was out with my friend. I think I might be losing my mind. College is going pretty well so far. Alahna sent me a snap from early 2021 last night, and it was of you getting annoyed at Nick because he had the megaphone while we were in the drive-thru. It was so funny. I thought you looked great that night, but then again, when did you ever not? Congratulations on hitting 4 million!

Oh, and does Chris have a crush on Natalie? Never mind, I'll ask him about it later. I miss you guys so much.

Years had passed since she last laid eyes on the photos that adorned the walls of her childhood bedroom. The pink and white paint of the room served as a poignant reminder of the unrequited love that had once consumed her heart.

The photos of her, Matt, and their friends playing in the snow, or the selfies Nick snapped during sleepovers when Chris and Matt would crash on the floor of Nick's room - memories she cherished dearly. The thought of past Thanksgiving gatherings tugged at her heartstrings, recalling how he'd tower over her at the table, his tender touches igniting a warmth in her skin. She loved Matt deeply, more than words could express.

October 11, 2021

Dear Matt,

I got my hair cut today. It felt weird. I was going to take a selfie to send it to you, but I got shy. I hope you're doing well over there. I heard you guys went to a party; Nick won't stop talking about it, lol.

I can't believe it's been months since I last saw you in person, even though I saw you the other day through a video call, it's just not the same... Time is flying by.

Also, Chloe just passed her driving lessons. I wish you guys were here to see it. I know she texted Nick about it, but still, I miss you, Matthew. Anyway, I'll text you later. I have this professor who's very old, and he hates late students.

She did see them on Thanksgiving, and she couldn't forget how Matt looked. Those moments made her question how she could go on with her life, knowing he was completely oblivious to her deep feelings for him. She hated herself for falling in love with him. It was a realization that left her feeling stupid.

November 30, 2021

Dear Matthew,

You looked absolutely handsome at dinner last week. I couldn't help but wonder how LA gets to see you like that every day without turning the whole state upside down. You mentioned missing me, but I'm pretty sure I missed you even more. It's odd that Mom keeps talking about how much taller you've grown, because she should have expected that. Yesterday, when you brought up about meeting a girl, my heart sank. I believe you genuinely like her. I didn't want to ask more because I didn't want to be too obvious, but I think Chris saw my smile disappear. He was kind enough not to ask about it though so it’s all good.

Why do I still miss you even when you're sleeping right beside me on the couch? It's as if you're so far away.

It was early August 2022 when she paid them a visit in California for their birthday. She could recall every detail – the weather, the ride from the airport, and the woman in his arms.

She had faced numerous challenges before, like the time she had to carry Samantha, who was far too drunk for her own good, or when Chris begged her to retrieve his backpack in subzero temperatures. However, this situation felt entirely different. As the doors swung open, she yearned to be anywhere but there – perhaps back in her small dorm room in Boston.

From within, she could hear the voices and music, the uproar of celebration and delight. Outside, the soft hum of Los Angeles traffic persisted as cars rushed by. Yet, above all else, she swore she could hear the unrelenting rhythm of her own heartbeat, as if it were the only thing keeping her grounded in that moment.

The woman was already there, wearing a warm smile, eagerly awaiting her boyfriend Matt's arrival. She couldn't help but admire Matt's taste, as in that moment, she found the woman to be stunning. With her dark blonde hair, brown eyes, and a height of 5'3, she gave off an endearing aura that she effortlessly carried with her. The woman greeted everyone with an open-hearted smile, embracing her as if they were long-lost friends reuniting after a decade apart.

"Hi! It's so great to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you," the woman's voice was flawless, yet there was a hollow feeling within her. She genuinely liked the woman and had an inkling that she would become a significant presence in their lives for quite some time to come.

Her gaze fixed on Matt, a mixture of confusion and hurt in her eyes. How was it possible that he hadn't disclosed that he had a girlfriend? Those nights when he would call her, those were the very nights she longed to be in his arms, not realizing they had already been spent with someone else.

That night was etched in her memory, a vivid recollection of the moment she had realized it was impossible for her to remain friends with him. She couldn't maintain their friendship, not while she was overwhelmed with sadness while he was immersed in happiness.

December 6, 2021

Dear Matt,

Today, I spent the day baking cookies with Haley but the real takeaway is being back in Boston and just one car ride away from you.

Weird, Nick brought up the name of the girl you're talking to, and it took me by surprise a little because you never mentioned her to me. I could sense Chris was giving me the stare, like he knows something, but that's just Chris, right?

It was a scene she had seen countless times before, both in movies and in real life – the clichéd tale of falling in love with your best friend and the inevitable heartbreak that followed.

There he sat, a picture of handsomeness in the midst of the kitchen, so immersed in what he's doing that he only noticed her staring when he looked up and playfully asked, "Any boys I should know about?" She chuckled, finding Matt's question entirely characteristic of his random sense of humor.

"No one, Matt," she replied, rolling her eyes with a smile. Inside, she thought, "It's only you. It was only ever you."

"I find that hard to believe," he said, casting a shy glance her way, his smile never wavering.

She pressed, "And why is that?"

"Because you're..." he started, his voice trailing off, leaving the unspoken feelings hanging in the air between them.

"…because you're amazing. You're good at baking cookies and-"

"Please, shut the fuck up, Matthew," she blushed, looking away.

"It's true! Ask Chris. He thinks you have a college boyfriend you’re not telling us about," he defended himself.

"Well, Chris is stupid," a small frown appeared on her face.

"Hey, I heard that!" She looked toward the boy sitting on the couch in the living room. "Shut up, Chris, Nick is sleeping."

She was standing over the kitchen counter, finishing the gifts she had prepared for her cousins and parents. She rolled her eyes, feeling a bit exasperated. "You're all so dramatic; I'm trying to do something here, fucks sake.”

"Let me help you with that. I'm almost done with this," Matt offered, standing beside her. His proximity alone nearly sent her into a frenzy.

He was incredibly touchy with her, and it only added to the intimacy of their connection. His frequent and intimate touches with her left her in a state of confusion. She couldn’t help but wonder if it was normal for best friends to share such physically intimate moments like this.

"You're terrible at this," he chuckled.

"Whatever Matt," she grumbled, continuing to tape the wrapper.

He leaned even closer, almost putting his entire weight on her. "Matt, you’re so annoying! Get off me," she exclaimed.

Years later, she learned that Chris had glanced at them, shaking his head in bemusement, and thinking about how oblivious his brother Matt was to her feelings. Chris couldn’t help but realize how deeply in love she was with his brother, even if she had never voiced it. She didn’t need to, Chris thought.

August 2022

She felt stuck in place. In that moment, she felt like time had frozen. Her feet glued to the ground.

The realization hit her like a ton of bricks - he had a girlfriend, all this time, and no one had told her. It was a profound sense of betrayal and feeling forgotten, it didn't matter that their relationship is just starting, she had loved Matt for years!

It was as if she wasn't worthy of knowing this crucial piece of information about the person she had secretly loved for so long, even though he didn't know he was the love of her life. The waves of emotion threatened to make her sick, but she managed to maintain her composure.

Chris remained by her side throughout the entire party, his friendly nudges and conversation attempts providing a comforting presence. "You know, I still can't believe you're here," he remarked, genuine surprise in his voice. "It's only been a couple of months, right?"

"Only a couple of months, Chris," she confirmed, her gaze fixed on her drink.

"I missed you so much. We all did. It felt like forever since the last time I saw you," Chris continued, offering a playful smile.

She managed a smile in response, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. She kept her thoughts to herself, silently yearning for the familiar comforts of Boston, even though it no longer felt like home. In truth, nothing felt like home as long as Matt was in the arms of another. Chris could see through her facade. He understood the reason behind her dull mood, realizing it was linked to the presence of two specific individuals in the room. However, he respected her feelings enough not to confront her about it here and now, choosing to let her navigate her emotions in her own time

The days seemed to stretch on, with summer taking hold. Matt's girlfriend had flown back home to Florida, they were back to their old routine, but her heart couldn’t forget the feelings she had buried deep within.

They drove her to their favorite restaurants and shops in L.A., but the nagging ache in her heart persisted. With her pretending to enjoy the days while ignoring the sinking feeling that gnawed at her treacherous heart, she tried to be as cheerful as possible before her return to the East Coast.

Until one particular car ride with Nick and Chris temporarily absent and inside Ralph's, she couldn't keep her feelings bottled up any longer and decided to have a heart-to-heart with Matt. It was a brief respite from the facade of happiness she had been trying to maintain.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It all happened so fast," he said, his eyes pleading for her to meet his gaze.

She cut him off, "It doesn't matter, Matt. I guess I just felt really sad that you didn't tell me. I'm your best friend, for heaven's sake." She fought back the urge to cry, keeping her emotions expertly concealed.

"I'm sorry, okay? It all happened in a whirlwind, and suddenly, you were on a flight from Boston to L.A.…," he trailed off. "Plus, I wanted it to be a surprise." He sheepishly smiled.

"God, Matt," she whispered, genuinely taken aback by the revelation.

She continued, "It's okay, it's all in the past now. I was surprised, no doubt."

She smiled, rolled her eyes, and forced a lighter tone into her voice. "So, tell me about her. Where did you guys meet?"

He chuckled, sensing that things were somewhat getting back to normal, but it was never quite the same, she thought to herself.

The night before she left for Boston, they drove and explored the city once more, just the two of them. Chris seemed too tired to join, and Nick had editing work to do.

"I wanted to take you here. It's one of the best viewpoints in L.A.," Matt explained, his excitement palpable.

"What, Griffith Park?" she replied, laughing. "You mean the spot from GTA, right?"

"Yeah, exactly. We used to play that game, remember?" he smiled down at her, feeling nostalgic.

How could she forget?

After several minutes of driving, Matt parked the car, and a heavy silence hung between them, no one seemingly wanted to step out. "Thanks for spending your summer here. It means a lot... That you're here," he expressed, looking at her with his blue eyes that shone through the Los Angeles darkness, seemingly even brighter than the city lights.

"Of course, anything for you guys," she replied, breaking their eye contact, and shifting her gaze to the dashboard in front of her. How could he do this to her? How could he not know? She wished she could freeze this moment in time, his face looking so soft in the gentle glow of the traffic lights. His tired eyes and tousled hair that had always made her heart leap and now, she felt like she could cry right there; she loved him so much and he didn’t know. She also wished she could tuck this memory away in the pockets of her thrifted yellow dress.

Tonight felt different, marking the end of summer, and they were both a year older. They weren't 19 anymore, and yet, she remained deeply in love with him.

~

Nicolas Sturniolo was a smart man, and his brothers secretly admired him for it, even if they would never openly admit it. Of course, he noticed the lingering glances she directed at Matt but never said anything. Nick believed that Matt had informed her about his girlfriend months before she arrived in LA but was shocked upon learning that his brother didn't. That explained the sudden change of mood he'd seen with her at the party.

The older brother had always had an inkling about it since they were young, ever since Matt hadn't asked her to prom. He remembered how she had waited for Matt to notice her new hairstyle, and when Matt already did compliment her, Nick swore he saw her smile so big it could light up the entire school that day. Nick thought his brother Chris was dense, but Matt was on a different level.

He had brought up the subject with Matt once, while they were in line at TSA, just before a flight to California, a mere 7-hour journey away. "You do realize she's in love with you, right?"

"What?" Matt's brows furrowed; genuine confusion etched on his face.

"Come on, Matt. We all know she's had a crush on you since high school," Nick exclaimed, adjusting his backpack.

"That's not true, Nick," Matt responded, shaking his head in disbelief. He found the idea ridiculous.

"Whatever, Matt. You guys are both stupid. I see the way you look at her, and I see how she looks at you. What's holding you back?" Nick shrugged.

"Because we're just friends, Nick? Can't two people of the opposite sex be friends?" Matt retorted, feeling exasperated.

"Okay, Matt, we get it," Chris chimed in, adding his two cents. "We're just telling you what we see."

As Nick appeared impatient and tired of the conversation, and Chris pretending to not care, Matt pushed the thought to the back of his mind.

December 18, 2021

The sight of you on my porch brought me immense happiness. Dad was yelling, which woke me up, and he said you guys were at the front door. Honestly, that pie was incredible; I couldn't believe you three made it.

I wanted to thank you for joining me today. I understand you're not a fan of walking in the snow, but I loved every moment of it.

Christmas is just around the corner, and it's only a matter of days now.

I often wonder if you notice how frequently I steal glances at you whenever I have the chance.

As I sit here writing this, I’m looking at the Christmas gift I got you. It's a necklace. It might seem cliché, but I genuinely hope it brings a smile to your face whenever you see it.

~

She held onto the memory of that day, those tense days after learning he had a girlfriend and before the car confrontation.

"Are you planning to sleep on the couch?" Matt asked.

"I am," she stubbornly insisted.

"Come on, you're our guest; you can sleep in my bed," Chris mumbled with a mouthful of chips.

"And have you sleep here on the couch? No way, Chris," she replied firmly.

Nick chuckled, watching Matt's obliviousness. How could his brother not realize that she was upset with him?

"Alright, then we'll both sleep in my bed," Chris suggested, glancing at Matt for his reaction.

Matt was puzzled. They always shared his bed, so what was the issue now?

Snatching the blanket Nick had given her, she hurried downstairs to reach Chris's room.

Matt's jaw hung open. "What did I do?" he mumbled, frowning at his brothers.

Nick shook his head, grinning. "I'm off to bed. Matt, quit being stupid."

"What?" Matt looked to Chris for answers. Chris shrugged, "I guess she just wanted to sleep in my bed tonight, Matt."

"But-"

"Goodnight, Maaaatt," Chris sang, leaving Matt bewildered and hurt.

"But she always sleeps with me," he whispered to himself, still trying to make sense of the unexpected change.

Lying in Chris's bed that night, she silently yearned for divine intervention. Avoiding eye contact with Matt as she passed by him on her way downstairs, she couldn't ignore the confusion and hurt etched across his face. Deep down, she desperately wanted to pull him into a hug and tell him that things were alright.

It was unusual for her to sleep in Chris's bed, given that she always slept in Matt's, so the sudden change had caught Matt off guard. She was aware of it, but at that moment, her anger towards him outweighed her care.

Earlier that day, Madi had teased her about her apparent coldness toward Matt when they were getting tacos in Melrose. It seemed that everyone had noticed her subtle avoidance of his touches and comments, leading to hushed discussions among their friends.

She was also certain that Chris was a light sleeper. He didn't snore, but he definitely woke easily.

"Couldn't sleep?" Chris whispered, turning to face her.

"Yeah, too much on my mind," she replied, exhaling wearily.

The stillness of the night, combined with their exhaustion, allowed for a comforting silence to settle between them. A beat passed, "Why don't you just tell him?" Chris suggested, his voice barely audible. She couldn't see her best friend, but she sensed the sadness in his gaze.

"Tell him what, Chris?" she deflected, shutting her eyes.

"You're not fooling anyone, you know? You might fool my stupid brother but you can’t fool me and Nick," he remarked, adjusting himself under the covers.

Silence descended once more, but this time, it felt oddly reassuring knowing that one of her closest friends was aware.

"It doesn't matter. He would shut me out."

"No, he won't. He genuinely cares about you, and you know it," Chris assured her. While Chris might not be privy to his brother Matt's true feelings, whether he reciprocated them or not, one thing was certain: Matt cared deeply for her, more than she could ever comprehend.

"It's also different now that he has a girlfriend. I don't think she'd appreciate me sharing a bed with her boyfriend. It's more about respect," she added.

Chris disregarded her attempt to change the subject and pressed on, "Matt loves you, bro. If he ever shuts you out for telling him how you feel, then he's an idiot. You have me and Nick by your side forever. If you never tell him, you'll never get the chance to express your feelings."

“You guys should talk.” He added.

"I don't think I'm ready, but I'll think about it," she replied, her exhaustion evident in her voice.

Chris nodded, even though she couldn't see him. He understood the weight of the emotions she was carrying.

"Of course, at your own pace."

"Chris?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

"Anything for you, kid."

In the quiet of that night, as dreams and sleep intertwined, she found solace in the knowledge that Chris, her closest friend, understood the depths of her emotions. It was a small source of comfort amid the uncertainty that had clouded her heart.

As they both drifted into slumber, she imagined a future where everything would fall into place, where she could openly express her feelings to the boy upstairs. In the warm embrace of their Los Angeles home, she held onto the hope that the friendship that she shared with Matt would weather these feelings she has for him.

January 10, 2022

Dear Matt,

I have to say, you can be pretty stubborn. I warned you not to visit me and bring me food because I’d probably end up puking it all out (eww), and now you’ve gone and caught the cold too. Now everyone’s infected!

 But you know what? You bringing me food made my heart leap, I’m pretty sure you know how to make me fall in love with you even more. Nick texted me earlier that he and Chris have lost their sense of taste because of Covid, but you seem to be fine already so you’re making them try different drinks.

I’m feeling a lot better now and I’ve tested negative for Covid, thankfully. Still, I’m dreading the day I go back to school. Ugh.

Alahna mentioned about wanting to visit you guys, but I know deep down she just wanted to see Chris. Haha.

Just so you know Matt, I love you. I think you probably know that already, but I wanted to say it anyway here.

She was certain that Matthew Sturniolo was going to be the death of her. The mischievous boy had cornered her against the kitchen counter, removing the chocolate residue that Nick had playfully smeared across her forehead. It was a sticky, gross mess, but Matt was attentively cleaning it up with a wet face towel. And there he stood, in all his splendid glory – tall and handsome. Nick and Chris's laughter in the background only intensified the fluttering of her heart.

"There, all gone," he confirmed, a warm smile gracing his features, the kind of smile that always had the power to weaken her knees.

"You're such an idiot, Nick," she scowled, avoiding Matt as she walked toward the center of the room.

"What? It kinda suits you," Nick replied, and the hearty laughter of Chris and Matt filled the room.

She flashed a playful smile. "Whatever. Are you guys ready to go?" she asked, her impatience showing.

The car ride proceeded as usual, with Matt behind the wheel and Chris in the passenger seat, en route to Chloe's house for a swim and to meet their other friends. The broken AUX meant the soft tunes of the radio filled the air, harmonizing with the breezy Boston weather.

"Matt, if you don't put me down, I'll kill you!" she screamed.

"Come on, it's not that serious," he laughed, making his way towards the pool.

"I don't care! Seriously, Matt, don't do thi-" But before she could finish her sentence, she found herself submerged in the pool.

"You're such an asshole," she grumbled, retaliating by splashing water at him. He chuckled and swam away.

A few feet away, Chris was engrossed in conversation with Nate about an Amazon package he had ordered, while Nick sat nearby, casually nodding and occasionally chiming in.

When she turned her attention back to Matt, he quickly splashed water on her face again. "Stop it. I mean it," her voice carried a trace of laughter.

"Okay, okay." Matt gazed at her for a moment, his smile fading.

"What?" she grumbled, feeling a twinge of self-consciousness under his gaze.

"Nothing. You're just really pretty," he said.

Moments like this only added to her confusion about where she stood in his life. Her heart skipped a beat, and she was momentarily taken aback, but she was swift to respond and hide her feelings. "Yeah, pretty annoyed at you," she said, pinching her nose to hide the forming blush.

Matt shook his head, a warm chuckle escaping his lips. He decided not to delve further into the matter. Why was he acting like this?

They lingered at the pool for a few more minutes. Matt's intimate touches making her melt, and his constant glances at her lips only added to the simmering heat of the Massachusetts summer.

The ride back home was interesting, she couldn't ignore the flutter of anticipation mixed with uncertainty that had settled in her heart. The day had been filled with subtle gestures and flirty remarks, leaving her wondering if their friendship was tiptoeing towards something more.

That night, when everyone had returned to the boys' home and a drowsy Matt lay beside her, she allowed herself to sleep soundly, knowing that something was undeniably changing between them.

February 3, 2022

Dear Matt,

I watched with Sam your new video. Chris mentioned about a little dinner you guys will have later, I’m so sad. I wish I was there. Anyway, Nick is Sam’s favorite. I couldn’t help but agree. Haha.

I know you’re busy with like stuff there and me too. My professors are killing me with these projects and assignments, also, I learned matcha helps with anxiety. I’ll have you taste it next time we see each other.

Also, you keep asking me why I’m sad, I didn’t think you would notice. How do I tell you, Matt, that the reason I’m sad is because I love you?

March 14, 2022

It has been so busy lately, oh my god. I lost my trusty pen because we moved dorms, but it’s all good now. I got so much work to do with finals coming up as well.

Anyway, I saw your tiktok with Nick today. You looked really cute with the Eeyore shirt, and I’m glad you’re still wearing that necklace I gave you last Christmas.

I miss you Matt. I’ll text you later when I’m done with class.

The car ride to IHOP proved to be quite intriguing, to say the least. Chris had evidently concocted a few surprises before their departure to California and before Spring break came to an end, forcing her to return to Morrissey Blvd.

Matt seemed unusually cheerful that day, expressing his desire to take her out, as well as everyone back home, for a little treat.

In that moment, it almost felt like things were back to the way they used to be. She occupied the passenger seat, engaged in a playful argument with Chris over control of the aux cord. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of Matt, his amusement evident as he fought the urge to break into a broad smile.

As Nick and Chris hurried to enter the house after Matt had parked the car at their Somerville home, he prevented her from getting out. Matt fixed his gaze on her, a gentle smile dancing across his face, as he softly uttered, "I really missed you."

There he was again, stirring emotions within her, clouding her thoughts. "Me too," she responded shyly.

"Truth is, I wanted to spend the day with you, alone," he admitted, rolling his eyes playfully. "But I couldn't say no to them."

"That's okay."

A brief silence settled between them.

"What's on your mind, Matt?" She furrowed her brow, sensing that he had something he wanted to say something.

"Nothing. I'm just happy I'm home..." He trailed off, his voice carrying a hint of longing. "Seeing you, being here... with you."

Inside, she silently pleaded with him, "Don't do this to me, Matt. Don't say these things and expect me not to fall in love with you."

"Why? Has LA not been treating you well?" She pressed.

"No, no, LA's great," he replied, offering a smile before shifting his gaze towards their small garage at home.

"What is it?" she whispered softly, just loud enough for him to hear.

"I really don't know," he confessed.

Meeting his gaze once more, she couldn't help but smile. "Okay, then tell me once you've figured it out." She chose to lighten the mood, knowing that he was dangerously close to unraveling her with those looks he kept giving her.

April 8, 2022

Dear Matt,

Today you asked me what I want.

to be with you, that’s all I want.

September 2023

When Luke left for the San Diego, she looked around her room.

She gazed at the framed photo that hung beside her closet. In the picture, she and Matt were watching a movie, and slowly, they had leaned on each other. As they grew more comfortable, she had briefly considered adjusting her posture, but she couldn’t resist a sleepy Matt. The next thing she knew, his arms were wrapped around her, and they were nestled together, fast asleep. Neither of them had acknowledged it, but Nick had managed to sneakily capture a photo of them when he woke up at 4 a.m. to turn off the living room lights.

A bittersweet feeling loomed over her. She remembered the day all too well. With his mom waking them up for waffles and before things took a turn for the worst.

May 13, 2022

Hi Matt,

Only a few more months till I visit you guys in L.A. I’m kind of nervous but Chris assured me that everything would be fine.

I’m also excited to meet Madi, Nick said she’s nice, so I feel like we’ll get a long pretty well.

Everyone around them can see how much they love each other, from her mom and his mom to her dad, her sister, and even the entire Sturniolo family, including their grandmother. But a silent understanding prevailed; no one uttered a word about it. Perhaps they were all waiting for the day when Matt and her would finally act on their feelings. That's why when Luke entered the picture, it took everyone by surprise. Her mom, Elizabeth would drop hints about Matt’s brothers, mentioning that she saw their mom at the grocery store, and asks about Justin's new girlfriend, in which were all met with her silent nods. From behind her, her parents shared a knowing look.

Luke was the safe choice. He didn't make her feel like she had to beg for his love. He was dependable, polite to her parents, adored by her cousins, and fulfilled all the checkboxes of what she needed. He was unafraid of public displays of affection, and constantly tells that he loves her. Luke wasn't bothered by the story of her intimate friendship with Matt; he remained indifferent.

As time passed, the difference between Matt and Luke became more apparent. Luke, with his warmth and openness, brought stability and security to her life. Their relationship flowed smoothly, and the world seemed to accept them as a couple without question.

Yet, the blue-eyed boy who had once held her heart had an uncanny ability to infiltrate her thoughts. No matter how much she had tried to move on and embrace this new love, Matt remained an enigma. He was the unspoken part in her life, a book she couldn't close. She always wondered if he ever thought about her as she did about him.

It had been a few months since she had made the choice to be with Luke, months of happiness and contentment. But the heart has a way of keeping secrets, and hers held a special place for the blue-eyed boy in Los Angeles.

June 9, 2022

Dear Matt, two more months! God, I’m so over these classes, I swear. Samantha got really drunk two nights ago, it was so funny. I should’ve taken a video but whatever. Mom called me earlier today asking for my flight details, I guess she’s as excited as me.

July 16, 2022

Summer is finally here! I mean, it's been here for a while, but I'm looking forward to seeing all of you for your birthday next month. You better bring me to the thrift shops Nick was talking about the other day in the call.

August 17, 2022

I still can't quite believe you never told me about her. So, she was the girl Nick mentioned the last time you guys went home.

I couldn't help but notice the way you looked at me, and how I instinctively recoiled when she introduced herself. How did I not know? And why does she seem to know so much about me when I didn't even know her name?

Chris tried to console me that night, and I appreciated it. I also noticed how Nick was glancing at me, likely gauging my reaction to it all.

Matt, you don’t know what I’d give to stop being in love with you.

As the months passed, the girlfriend revelation of Matt was soon forgotten. She became increasingly immersed in college life. While Matt would text her from time to time and they would occasionally have video calls with Nick, she learned to accept the way things were. She had to make a conscious effort to push aside the memory of that night in Griffith Park when they had laughed and hugged, with her secretly gazing at his face and him giving her that look she adored. She came to the realization that if this was how things were going to be, she would be happy for him, even if it meant breaking her own heart. She contemplated Chris's words, but they didn't matter; what mattered was that Matthew was happy, and that's all she cared about. It seemed like everyone had forgotten about it too.

Matt was a private person, subtly posting little reminders of his girlfriend, but it didn't escape her notice how much it hurt her heart.

The longer she suppresses her emotions, the easier it seems, she believes. Suddenly, seven months have passed since that fateful night in LA, and March ‘23 is approaching steadily. Deep down, she's aware that she hasn't been honest with herself throughout this entire period, but she resigns herself to the reality of the situation. It is what it is, and she's compelled to carry on, masking her true feelings.

September 20, 2022

Dear Matt,

It's been a month since that night in LA, and Chris has never brought up our conversation again. I trust him. Life has felt quite mundane lately. I still have my moments, but I'm doing okay. I'm trying my best not to dwell on it too much. I suppose I felt betrayed, you know?

Yesterday, Chloe and Alahna came to visit, and we ate burgers. When I finally admitted my feelings to Alahna, I broke down. She told me she had always known I was in love with you, and with Chloe agreeing, both of them sharing the same sentiments, it left me wondering just how oblivious you can be.

October 5, 2022

Dear Matt,

I don’t know why you look at me that way, as though you could genuinely love me, even though deep down, I know you don't, and I know you won't.

Nick mentioned your plans for a trip to Florida to visit her. I tried to convince myself that it wouldn't hurt, but my own curiosity led me to check her Instagram. It was a mistake. I stumbled upon a photo of you two kissing on the beach, and I felt like such a fool for thinking this was something I could handle. I ended up in tears, obviously, poured my heart out to Samantha. I desperately wanted to forget, to stop these feelings.

I truly did try not to love you.

I really did.

November 3, 2022

"You know I hate these types of parties," she grumbled. "Do I even look good?"

"Girl, please, you look good every day," Madi assured her.

The night was still young, and everyone was on their way to this party the boys had been invited to. Chris was practically bouncing in the front of the car, and Matt, always effortlessly handsome, drove with calm and cool confidence.

Nick tried to comfort her. "You'll be fine. They're actually nice."

But she tuned out Nick's words as they entered the venue. The booming music only heightened her nervousness amid the lively crowd.

When Nick, Madi, and Chris entered the party, she found herself walking closely beside Matt. He was well aware of her uneasiness at these kinds of gatherings. With a gentle touch on her lower back, Matt guided her towards a group of people. Leaning in, he whispered into her ear, his face mere inches from hers, and for a moment, it felt like they were the only two people in the entire party. "You look really good tonight. Don't worry too much. I'm here."

A thought crossed her mind – he's such a flirt without even realizing it.

Under the party's red lights, his lips looked incredibly inviting. If only he didn't have a girlfriend living across the country, she might have kissed him. Of course, that's only if he wanted to kiss her too.

She sighed, as the party continued to buzz around them and the night progressed, surprisingly, she found herself genuinely enjoying the evening, engaging in conversations with Madi. However, she couldn't help but notice that Matt kept stealing glances at her. Fueled by newfound confidence, she walked up to him. "Hey, stranger," he greeted her with a smile, her savoring the sight of that familiar grin.

She could feel his warmth. "Shut up, Matthew. I'm so hot right now; you guys weren't kidding about Los Angeles being intense."

"You are hot, sweetheart."

"Yeah, this leather jacket Madi lent me—"

"No, I don't mean your outfit."

Before she knew it, their faces were inches apart, his eyes locked onto her lips. This was it, she thought. He was going to kiss her. After all those years of pining for him, the past didn't matter anymore. What mattered was now.

He was driving her crazy. And then it happened – he kissed her, and the world stopped. Their lips met in a passionate, consuming kiss. Sure, she had kissed boys in high school, but this was different. This was Matt. She could feel his hands on her neck and waist, his lips following hers when she needed to breathe. This was how it was supposed to be, she thought, her lips on Matt's. Her best friend, the boy she had loved since they were 18, kissing her beneath the Los Angeles night sky. As their lips remained locked in a passionate kiss, she felt an electric charge surge through her. All the inhibitions, the uncertainties, and the fear of what might follow were momentarily forgotten. All that mattered in that heart-pounding moment was the taste of Matthew Sturniolo on her lips, a forbidden but intoxicating sensation she had yearned for since they were teenagers.

“Five years of friendship flushed down the drain just so I could know what Matthew Sturniolo tastes like.” (Ifykyk. This is one of my favorite lines from a book!!)

When their lips brushed again, a soft moan threatened to escape her swollen lips, and her head began to swim with desire.

"Oh my god," she muttered senselessly, her mouth still locked with Matt's.

His touches ignited a fire within her, the heat of his mouth overwhelming her senses.

"Fuck," he breathed, pulling away from her and running his hands through his unruly hair. "Fuck, I shouldn't have done that."

Her stomach sank as embarrassment washed over her. She didn't speak for a moment, still reeling from the intensity of the kiss. "I'm sorry."

"No, I—" He choked on his words. Horror painted his expression as he struggled to make eye contact with her. "I shouldn't be kissing you."

His internal conflict was palpable, and the emotions on his face left her feeling utterly perplexed. They were both breathless, caught in a state of shock. She was about to cry when Chris walked in with a cup full of soda.

"Are you guys ready to go? Nick's about to beat a bitch up-" Chris asked laughing, seemingly oblivious to what had just transpired. "What happened, Matt?"

A concerned look began to appear on Chris’ face as he assessed the aftermath of the situation.

"Just let it go, Chris," Matt muttered, looking at the ground.

"Let's go," she insisted, taking quick strides past Chris to find Nick and Madi, eager to get away from the confusing situation and head back home. Meanwhile, Chris tried once more, his voice hushed as he approached his brother. "What happened, Matt?" Seeing Matt in such a shocked state had him deeply concerned and worried about his brother.

November 29, 2022

I never should have visited again and allowed you to kiss me the way you did because I couldn't stop thinking about it afterward. The pure shock and regret in your eyes were enough to shatter me into pieces. We never discussed it when we got back to your house. Chris, with his knowing glances, probably figured it out, and I know you told him but thankfully, he didn't press the issue. The morning after was just as uneasy; you didn't come out from your room until 4 pm. Nick was concerned, but I was too nervous to say anything, feeling like a colossal mistake that had happened.

But I knew, when you looked at me to say goodbye at the airport, that I was hoping it meant even a fraction as much to you as it did to me.

We didn't speak for two weeks following that day, but today you sent me a text saying you were sorry. Our conversation resumed, but neither of us mentioned it again. I didn't ask if you had told her; that was none of my business.

You have to understand, Matt, that before you kissed me, I was always yours, if only you had looked closely enough to see it.

Christopher Sturniolo had never appeared shocked in his entire life. It was as if the heavens had granted him this shocking revelation.

Nick's voice echoed, "Okay, what the hell happened between you two at that party? You've been moping for days, and you didn't even take out the trash when I asked you to!"

"We kissed!" Matt lashed out at Nick. “Happy now, Nick?”

"Oh, shit. This is good. I mean no, this is bad, you have a girlfriend," Chris winced.

Matt's thoughts raced to Florida. His girlfriend’s going to be furious.

"I know," he muttered, feeling a headache coming on.

Days had passed since they dropped her off at the airport and her departure making Matt more confused as ever.

He groaned, unable to believe he had allowed that situation to unfold. He had also been ignoring her.

"Get your shit together, Matt. Seriously, you can't just kiss her and pretend it didn't happen!" Nick's frustration was too intense for Matt's liking.

"This is bad, Matt," Madi's voice sounded small as she contemplated the situation, her thoughts divided between the girl in Florida and the other one in Boston. This was undoubtedly going to be a messy affair, she thought.

Their comments offered no solace to Matt's torn heart, a whirlwind of suppressed feelings from his teenage years. He didn't genuinely regret the kiss, but he had a girlfriend, someone good who trusted him, and he had shattered that trust by succumbing to his feelings for his best friend.

"Okay, okay, Matt, breathe," Chris tried to comfort his brother.

"I can't do this," Matt said, standing up in frustration. "Let's not talk about this again. It's too much."

He stormed off and slammed his bedroom door shut, leaving Nick, Chris, and Madi in stunned silence.

"I don't understand why he just won't admit that she's always been it for him?" Madi questioned, her gaze shifting between the two brothers.

"Because he's an idiot, Madi," Nick replied, his annoyance evident in his tone.

The situation was complicated, and he couldn't shake the feeling that he was playing with fire. His relationship with his girlfriend was hanging by a thread, and the unspoken tension with his best friend was driving him to the brink of frustration.

Matt knew he had to make a choice, a decision that could alter the course of his life. The pain of knowing he had hurt someone he cared about and the fear of losing the person who had been his confidant for years weighed heavily on him.

He was at a crossroads, and there was no easy path to take. He couldn't escape the truth, unsure of where his heart truly belonged.

December 20, 2022

Dear Matt,

It seems like things have returned to normal. Nick has stopped bombarding me with constant texts, asking if I'm okay, and Chris's late-night calls have ceased. I heard you broke up with her, I know you'd never share all the gritty details with me, but it probably was for the best. I can't help but feel like a terrible person for playing a role in your relationship's downfall. Alahna said it wasn’t my fault, but I feel like she’s just saying that, you know? I can't shake this feeling, I keep thinking I wasn't worth the risk. But then, you had a girlfriend at the time, so I understood. You'll have to forgive me, because I've never stopped thinking about that night since you kissed me.No one will ever be able to knock the wind out of me again. Not like that, not like you, Matthew.

January 2023

Matt clung to the familiar comforts of their Boston home, the very thought of remaining in the same bed that had cradled him in warmth and surrounded by the cherished memories of his childhood with his brothers offered solace to his melancholic heart.

Despite the fact that it was only the second week of January, the jarring noise of Nick's suitcase scraping against the floor downstairs served as an unwelcome reminder of the imminent reality awaiting him in just two days.

He yearned for the days before their move to California when life was different. He pined for the crisp, cold embrace of winter and the warm, welcoming smile she had for him whenever she would visit. Without a doubt, summer was his least favorite season.

Three days ago was her birthday, yet she was still in Nantucket, enjoying a vacation with her family. She texted him just two hours ago, explaining that she would be busy exploring the place with her aunt.

He had also gifted her a necklace, a token of their shared memories, as she had once given him last Christmas ago. The necklace was a heart-shaped silver pendant, a symbolic representation of his heart. He had chosen it with such devotion that Chris had teased him, saying he was like choosing an engagement ring. Matt silently agreed, but the truth was, he couldn't forget that night, the kiss they had shared, and how she had looked painfully beautiful beneath the soft, dim lights of the party.

His mom offered a comforting hug upon their arrival from the airport; Nick had probably told her over the phone about what had happened last November. As he looked around, everything had changed, yet he always felt the same.

He noticed it, as did everyone else, when Alahna and Nate visited; she didn't come. She was distant, and he couldn't help but feel guilty. It was all his fault. He had kissed her and pretended it didn't happen, only offering a sorry that didn't even comfort his own heart. Matt couldn't help but recall the conversations he had with his brothers late at night, in the car, about her being in love with him. Had he been so foolish not to notice the longing glances she directed his way?

It was four days after Christmas when he finally got up and entered Chris's room, the brightly lit space giving him a headache.

He found his brother scrolling through his phone, stress evident on Matt's face.

"Wow, you look like shit," Chris said, looking up. "What's going on? Nate has been bugging us to go to his house. Apparently..."

"Chris," Matt whispered, frustrated.

Chris leaned in, his concern evident in his eyes. "What's eating at you, Matt?" Matt had now settled on his bed, his legs touching Chris's sock-covered feet.

Matt sighed heavily, his emotions bubbling to the surface. "It's her. Something's not right, and I can't ignore it anymore. I kissed her, and then I acted like it never happened. I gave her this weak apology that didn't even begin to cover it. Now she's distant, and I can't shake this feeling that it's all my fault."

Chris listened attentively, his brows furrowing with understanding. "You've been worried about this for a while, huh?"

Matt nodded, the weight of the situation pressing on him. "Yeah. I mean, remember we've had late-night talks about her having feelings for me?  And now, I can't help but wonder if I've been too blind to see it. Maybe I've hurt her more than I realized."

Chris put a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder. "Look, you can't change the past, but you can talk to her, try to understand how she feels. Maybe it's not as bad as you think."

A beat passed as Matt solemnly gazed at his brother.

"I think I'm in love with her, Chris. Nick was right. I am in love with her," Matt said, eyes heavy from lack of sleep.

With Matt's confession hanging heavily in the air, Chris finally broke his silence. He leaned forward, a half-smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Congrats Matt, you're the last one to know," he said. "We've known for a long time that you felt this way."

Matt sat up, eyes widened in surprise. "You have?"

Chris nodded. "Yeah, it was kind of obvious, the way you'd light up every time she walked into the room. Mom mentioned before that you guys are two peas in a pod. She said it was only a matter of time before you realized she had always been here."

Matt sighed, unsure of himself. "I have no idea what to do, Chris. I'm just so scared of messing everything up."

"Well, technically you already did, idiot," Chris grinned sheepishly. “Just tell her how you feel. What's the worst that could happen?"

January 19, 2023

Chris was being weird, big time. He kept asking if I have talked to you. We talk every day, don’t we? Does he not know that?

Anyway, Chris being Chris, I guess.

You wanted me to visit for Spring break again, but I don’t think I can, but I’ll see you when you fly for Nate’s birthday in June. I cannot wait.

You seemed different these days, Matt.

As days turned into weeks, Matt struggled with his emotions in silence. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing her and making things awkward between them. His ex-girlfriend didn't handle his confession well. She said had expected it and firmly told him not to contact her again.

This situation took a toll on Matt because he never intended for things to become so complicated. He was willing to do anything to prevent it.

Realizing he was in love with his best friend left a bittersweet feeling in his heart. He had been fooling himself all these time with him ignoring the intimate moments they shared and him being clueless as to why she reacted the way she did when she found out he had a girlfriend or when he kissed her.

He wanted nothing more than to fly to the East Coast just to see her, but he felt like it wasn't the right time, especially with college going on.

Matt appreciated the updates from her about school and life, but he can't help but feel things have changed in the air between them especially when she turned down the suggestion of her visiting again for the upcoming spring break. Matt understood and he knows that she too, was processing her own feelings just as he was.

Chris, talkative and ever supportive, insisted that she had always loved Matt too, with Nick joining in on the teasing, he couldn't help but feel hopeful. All of his loved ones reassuring him that things had always been this way. Two peas in a pod.

His Mom also called the other day after Nick had shared the details with her. “Oh, honey, we’ve always known,” her sweet voice comforting Matt. “Don’t worry about a thing; I’m certain she has loved you since the day she laid eyes on you.”

February 14, 2023

Dear Matt,

Samantha teased me today about not having a Valentine's date, but I told her I didn't need one. Anyway, seeing all the couples around campus makes me miss you even more and I know I might sound negative but it's a bit overwhelming.

I remember 2 valentines ago when you made me that pink cupcake with a heart on it. You were so excited to give it to me that you had a little argument with Nick in the car because he was taking too long to get ready, and you couldn't wait for me to see it. I also remember that rainy Valentine's Day when you stopped by my house just to give me the flowers you had bought earlier that day. The soft look on your face, the sly smile and damp hair was enough to make my knees weak. I also remember how Chris snickered from the passenger seat when you said the flowers reminded you of me. I miss you so much Matt. I wish you could have been here with me today, but you're in Palm Springs having a blast.

It's already February, Matt and I don't know how many more seasons I'll spend loving you.

February 14, 2019

"Hurry up, you idiot. Holy shit, I've been sitting here in the car for 20 minutes, and you're still not ready," Matt complained, clearly annoyed.

"Wow, Matt, what's gotten into you? Sorry, holy fuck," Nick responded, taken aback by his brother's sudden outburst.

Chris chimed in; his teasing tone evident as he laughed. "Calm down, Matt, I'm sure she'll understand if we're a little late."

"Shut up, Chris, it's not that. It's just the fact that Nick always does this," Matt retorted, starting the car.

"Is this what this is about? You being excited to give her your cupcake?" Nick teased, making a face at Chris and smirking.

"You're stupid, Nick." Matt grumbled, proceeding to drive down the familiar road to her house, a route he had taken many times before.

February 14, 2020

"Chris, come on, wake up!" Matt's voice boomed through his brother's room. It was 3 pm in the afternoon, and Nick had already been pestering them to go out. "I'm up, please get out of my face, Matt. I'll kill you," Chris grumbled sleepily.

With Chris in his usual grumpy state and Nick being overly excited, Matt found himself stopping by a nearby flower shop in Somerville. As he stood in front of the various types of flowers, his focused remained on a bouquet of tulips. He had heard from their mom the other day how exceptionally pretty tulips were.

Unbeknownst to Matt, Chris had slipped out of the car to join him. "You're getting flowers for her?" Chris asked, his tone laced with teasing.

"Yeah," Matt replied with a nonchalant shrug.

"Huh," Chris remarked, flashing a smile at the elderly woman behind the counter before turning his gaze back to his brother. "Why?"

"Because" Matt rolled his eyes, "why not?"

"Fair enough, geez, I'm just curious."

"Do you think she'll like tulips?"

Chris grinned and gave his brother an incredulous look, as if he found Matt's question amusingly strange. "She'll absolutely love them, Matt."

"Great," Matt said, clapping his hands together. "I'll get it," he cheerfully declared, already making his way toward the old woman.

With his usual teasing, Chris added, "Why don't you pick up some chocolates and write her a love letter too while you're at it?" He couldn't help but shake his head and chuckle.

"Shut up, Chris," Matt said dismissively.

As the rain began to pour, Chris watched his brother buy the flowers and wondered how unaware Matt can be with his own feelings.

March 2023

It was the week of Samantha's birthday, and she found herself contemplating on going. She didn't want to come across as a buzzkill for considering not attending, but the truth was, she often found immense joy in staying in on Friday nights. However, there were moments when she felt sad while lying in bed, especially upon hearing from Madi that all of them was heading to a party. Her thoughts would drift to Matt, wondering how he was doing or if he met someone. She tried to push the thoughts away still.

Matt would text her late at night updating her that he was already home, and she would read his messages in the morning. She hated how different their lives now were, with her being in college and him having the time of his life in California.

Sadness washed over her again when she remembered the kiss, they had shared last year. It saddened her to think that it might not have meant as much to Matt as it did to her, but it felt too late to bring it up now. He had apologized, and she had told him to forget about it.

With a change of heart, she confirmed to Samantha that she would indeed attend her birthday celebration. It was time to step out and have some fun, she thought. If Matt could do it, so could she.

The backyard of the Airbnb is transformed with colorful decorations and fairy lights are strung along the trees. The little bonfire in the center, surrounded by Samantha's friends chatting and laughing made her anxious, there is a lot more people than she thought.

She spotted Samantha and approached her cheerfully. "Samantha! Happy birthday!"

"Oh my gosh, you're here! I've been waiting for you. I'm so glad you made it."

"Me too," she replied, enveloping the curly-haired birthday girl in a warm embrace.

"Please, enjoy yourself tonight, alright? We have drinks and food in the kitchen, and I think Lorraine is around here somewhere," Samantha mentioned.

"Yeah, of course. You don't need to worry about me. I'll have a great time," she reassured her. "Go ahead and mingle."

"Alright, I'll catch up with you later, okay?" Samantha planted a peck on her cheek and continued welcoming other guests.

When she surveyed the crowd, she mentally reminded herself to grab a drink to avoid just standing there awkwardly. The party was in full swing, and despite her nagging desire to be in her cozy bed, she was determined to have a great time.

"Hey girl, how are you? I didn't see you come in. Have you seen Sam yet?" Lorraine greeted her with a warm hug, while Hannah waved.

"Hi, Lor, I'm good. And yeah, I just did. I just got here too so," she replied.

"That's great. You didn't get lost, did you?" Lorraine said with a playful grin.

She chuckled, “No."

Lorraine is Samantha's best friend from high school, she has long black hair, sharp eyes, and legs for days.

"Do you drink?" Lorraine asked, as Hannah busied herself mixing drinks at the counter.

"Uh, sometimes," she admitted, although deep down, she wasn't really fond of alcohol but tonight was different, though. She was feeling bold and what's a little alcohol after a rough week?

"We've got plenty here—tequila, beer, vodka, and all that jazz."

"I'll take a beer, please," she decided, opting for a more casual choice.

As the night wore, she took small sips of her drink and appreciated the light-hearted conversations with Lorraine and Hannah, which kept her from constantly checking her phone. Two hours ago, Matt sent her a text about whatever, but she ignored it. Truth is, she still feels a little hurt and awkward with him because of everything that has happened. Just for the night, she allowed herself to clear her mind of thoughts about the blue-eyed boy in California.

"I need to use the bathroom. I'll be right back," she informed the couple, receiving only nods in response.

Aware of the dangers of drink spiking, she was cautious and brought her beer with her.

The hallways were narrow, and she wondered how many people had made out in these halls. There were many rooms too and photo frames with inspiring quotes that adorned the walls. Her trip to the bathroom was going fine until she bumped into a guy.

“I'm so sorry," she apologized frantically, searching for the green tissue pack in her little bag while setting the glass of beer on a nearby table. Her white top was now stained with liquor, which was just great. The embarrassment of the situation was overwhelming, leaving her unable to think straight.

"No worries," The guy chuckled, clearly taken aback by the unexpected encounter. "I should've been more careful."

She handed him the tissues, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "That was so embarrassing. I'm truly sorry," she said with a sheepish smile.

"Don't worry about it. It’ll dry," he replied with a reassuring smile.

“"I'm really sorry," she winced as she saw him examining his now alcohol-soaked shirt.

"It's okay," he smiled softly, causing her cheeks to turn pink. When he noticed her freezing in embarrassment, he spoke up again, "Hey, apology accepted. Please don't worry about it. I can just wipe this off, and I'll be fine."

She nodded and whispered, "I'm so embarrassed."

"Really, I'm over it now. Besides, it's my fault for not looking. You got drenched too," he chuckled, glancing at her blouse.

"Yeah, don't worry about me. It's not as bad as yours. Can I at least help you with that?" she offered.

"What? Help me wipe this beer off? Nah, I'm good. You go do your thing," he dismissed her with another friendly smile.

Feeling somewhat defeated, she simply nodded and said, "Alright."

In the bathroom, she found herself shaking her head in embarrassment while trying to wash off the small beer stain on her top. The night is not going well, and she was starting to regret not staying home. Why did embarrassing situations always seem to find her at parties?

After a few minutes of recovery and self-reflection, she returned to where Lorraine and Hannah were. But before she could reach the couple, she spotted the guy she had bumped into earlier. Hannah was chatting with him and giggling, while Lorraine wore an amused expression that made her feel even more self-conscious. Great, he knew them and had definitely shared the incident with them.

Hannah noticed her approaching and said, "Oh, I see you've already met our friend, Luke!"

The mischievous glint in Hannah's eyes confirmed that he had indeed told what had happened.

"Yeah," she replied shyly, smiling. "I think he has already told you how we met."

Luke laughed while Lorraine snickered. "Don't worry, he's not upset with you. In fact, he thinks you're cute, right Luke?"

"Oh..."

"Ignore Lorraine. Nice to meet you," he said, flashing her a warm smile and offered his hand. She couldn't help but notice the dimples in his cheeks or how perfectly curled his hair was.

"You too," she replied with a smile, shaking his hand, feeling her embarrassment vanish little by little.

Matthew Sturniolo was confused once again for the millionth time in his life, and his brothers found it funny.

Just five minutes ago, Nick mentioned she was at a party. Matt's head shot up upon hearing what his brother said.

"So, that's why she wasn't replying," Matt said, fingers fast on opening Instagram. "She didn't mention about going to a party."

With furrowed brows, he watched her story, where a girl with jet black hair was seen pouring a drink into a red up. The background confirming that she was indeed at a crowded party.

"She doesn't have to share everything with you, you know?" Nick rolled his eyes, as if Matt should already know this.

Chris chuckled, rising from his slouched position on the couch. "Yeah, you guys aren't dating, so why should she keep you in the loop about everything?"

Chris was teasing him, and he was aware of it. Nick gave Chris a look that said, 'who does he think he is?'

But Matt didn't care. It bothered him that she didn't even tell him knowing how much she disliked parties. He reopened their text conversation and stared at his unanswered message.

He sent another text:

Hey, just checking in. Saw your Instagram story. Hope everything's ok 😊

Turning to his brothers, who were now grinning, Matt asked, somewhat annoyed, "What?"

"Come on, Matt, lighten up. She can take care of herself," Chris teased again.

"She's a grown woman, Matt," Nick shrugged.

"Fine, I don't care," Matt grumbled, shifting his attention to the TV in front of him.

"Except you do, lover boy," Nick replied, and Chris laughed.

Matt stayed quiet, ignoring his brothers' teasing. He didn't need to know every detail of her life, and Chris was right. She could manage on her own but tonight he just felt uneasy. Was she ignoring him on purpose? Is he losing her?

He did his best to shake the thoughts as he stared at his empty notifications bar, hoping it wouldn't bother him as the night wore.

“Trouble in paradise?” Luke asked curiously, a playful smile gracing his beautiful face as he observed her reaction to a text message she had received, which seemed to elicit an anxious sigh from her, if Luke were to point it out.

She nervously chuckled and replied, "No, it's just my best friend asking how I'm doing," explaining helplessly. Luke nodded, choosing not to press any further.

They were now outside, surrounded by the soft chatter and faint music coming from the house. Lorraine and Hannah had left them 15 minutes ago to mingle with the other guests.

"So, is Sam a good roommate?" Grateful that he was attempting to initiate conversation and maintain a lighthearted atmosphere, considering what happened earlier. Lorraine had already explained that they had all been friends since high school and that Samantha was her roommate.

She chuckled and replied, "Yes, she is, thankfully. Although she tends to dance when she's drunk."

Luke laughed and shook his head, agreeing, "I heard she could be a handful when drunk," recalling a conversation he had with his own friends years ago.

"What do you study, again?" She asked, changing the subject. Realizing she couldn't quite remember what he had mentioned earlier, as she had been preoccupied with trying to forget the awkward bathroom encounter.

"Oh, I study business at SDSU, same school as Lorraine," he replied. “You’re studying computer science, right?”

She nodded, unwilling to discuss her major further. "How's Boston treating you? Do you enjoy it here so far?"

"Well, I've only been here for three days, and I've still got two more to go, but yeah, I like it. Just not used to the weather, that's all," Luke replied, looking down at her.

"Oh, yeah, I completely agree. Boston's weather is moody, unlike California's. It's very different," she said.

"I don't mind," Luke shrugged. "It's my first time here, after all."

"Really?" She turned to face him fully.

"Yeah, don't tell anyone, but I've never actually been to any state other than where I live," he chuckled, taking a sip of his own drink.

"Well, I think you deserve a proper tour from a native!" She looked up at him, smiling.

"You think so?" Luke grinned at her knowingly, his eyes twinkling with playfulness.

"Yeah, I mean, I've got nothing to do. I'm finished with most of my projects."

She couldn't pinpoint the source of her newfound confidence, whether it was the influence of alcohol or perhaps Luke’s casual smiles and affectionate glances throughout the evening.

He laughed, obviously amused by her eagerness, and she couldn't help but notice how nice his teeth were and how his curls looked.

"What's so funny?" She raised her eyebrows at him, a faint smile on her lips.

Still smiling, Luke replied, "Nothing, you're really cute."

She went silent, a blush forming on her cheeks. She was about to speak when he continued, "But yeah, a tour would be nice. Maybe we could get some lobsters?"

She snickered, the alcohol giving her confidence once again. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

"If you want it to be," he shrugged coolly, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Well, it's not a date. I'm just a new friend touring my new friend in the city," she declared.

He chuckled once again, his voice ringing in her ears. "Okay then, it's not a date."

She didn't even realize how engrossed they were in each other until Samantha approached them with a wide smile. "I see you two have already met," Samantha said, her eyes holding a hint of mischief.

"Sam!" She turned her attention away from Luke, her surprise evident. "Hi. Yeah, it's kind of a long story," she said, offering a sheepish smile.

Luke chuckled. "Your roommate here seems eager to show me around the city."

"Is that so?" Samantha looked between them, clearly amused.

The atmosphere remained light-hearted. Samantha’s playful smirk hinted at her enjoyment of the situation.

“Well, if she’s offering to be your tour guide, you’re in for a treat,” Samantha said, looking at Luke with a playful glint in her eye. “She knows all the best spots in Boston.”

Luke nodded with enthusiasm. “I have no doubt about that. I’m excited.”

Samantha winked at them both. “You’re in good hands.”

She understood that Samantha was insinuating something else. She wasn't stupid and she very was certain that tomorrow, the birthday girl would pester her about this encounter with Luke.

Samantha and Lorraine gave them knowing looks after Luke offered to walk her home and after a moment’s hesitation, she agreed. It was just a 10-minute walk to campus, after all.  She didn’t want to be rude, but she also didn't want to walk home all alone at night.

She couldn’t help but remember Matt. Her Matt. The Matt she had been ignoring for hours now.

It had been an eternity since someone had taken the time to do this for her. She remembered from their high school days, how Matt used to walk her to her door, the way their hands would touch a little while walking, and her secret hope that he would kiss her goodbye. Of course, Matt never did.

“It’s been so long,” she whispered, her heart aching, unintentionally saying it out loud. Luke stopped mid-sentence.

“What?” He asked, confused.

She shook her head, caught off guard by her unexpected outpouring of emotion. “Oh, I’m sorry. I got a bit lost in thought. Please continue, what were you saying?”

“You did seem a little distracted all night. Is this still about the drink you spilled?”

“No, something else,” she replied, stealing another glance at her phone. Matt’s unanswered goodnight message, sent 20 minutes ago, weighed on her. “Just a lot happening in my life,” she chuckled, attempting to make it sound light for Luke’s benefit.

“Like school?” Luke asked again, his gaze steady.

“Yeah, something like that,” she answered, slipping her phone into her jeans pocket, concealing her suppressed longing.

Matt rose from his bed, finding no solace for his troubled heart in its confines. He headed downstairs to see if Chris was still awake.

"Hey, you up?" Matt opened the door to find his brother engrossed in his phone.

Chris looked up and said, "Oh, hey. Yeah."

Matt let out a long sigh and flopped down on Chris's bed.

"Uh-oh," Chris turned off his phone and turned his full attention to Matt. "She still hasn't replied to your texts?"

"Nope," Matt grumbled. "I want to call her."

"Matt," Chris frowned, "Don't. I'm sure she's fine."

"This is just not like her," Matt added, feeling stupid.

"I thought you didn't care?" Chris teased.

"Of course, I care," Matt sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Damn, you’re really down bad.”

"Chris, what's keeping her so busy at this party? Tell me, have you ever been so engrossed at a party that you forget to check your phone all night?" Matt asked, sitting up as he tried to calm his racing mind and heart.

"Uh," Chris tried to think, but honestly, he wanted to say no. There was no plausible reason she would be so absorbed unless she was actively ignoring Matt.

"You see?" Matt widened his eyes, attempting to convince his brother. "What if something happened to her?"

Chris intervened, "Whoa, we're jumping to conclusions here. Look, Matt, I'll call her."

Matt watched hopefully as the seconds passed by.

Five rings, and then her voice came through the speakers. "Chris?" Her voice sweet as a honey to Matt's ears. She must have made it home because he couldn't hear any background noise.

How could she answer Chris and not even reply to his texts?

"Hey, look, I'm sorry. Did I wake you? Matt here has been worried sick about you. You're not replying to his texts—"

Matt snatched the phone from Chris's hand. "I'm sorry. Chris is an idiot. I'm not worried, trust me."

There was a brief silence, and Chris facepalmed, whispering, "What are you saying, Matt?"

When she didn't reply, Matt continued, "I mean, I am worried. Just checking in, you know?"

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Sorry, no, yeah, I'm good. I just got caught up with friends, that's why I didn't get the chance to reply." A lie.

Matt paced slowly in Chris's room, trying to imagine her face. Chris gave him a look that said, 'What are you doing? Get it together.'

"I was a little concerned," Matt admitted chuckling, downplaying his worries.

"I'm fine, Matt. I just got home 20 minutes ago," she replied, her voice a whisper. She must be smiling, Matt thought, though he couldn't see her.

"Thanks for checking in, and sorry for not answering your texts," she added.

"That's... that's okay. I'm glad you're home and safe."

"Me too. This guy was kind enough to walk me home. I mean Samantha's friend from the party, Luke."

Matt and Chris exchanged surprised glances. "Luke?"

"Yeah, he was really nice. Offered to walk me. Also, I didn't tell you, but I spilled beer on him, which was embarrassing, but he was sweet about it, so we're good."

Chris snickered, and Matt shot him a hard stare, his stomach sinking by the minute. Who the hell is Luke?

"You can't be serious," Matt chuckled, trying to conceal his concern. “What?”

"No, I'm dead serious. We talked all night, and then, yeah, that's it. I offered to show him around Boston tomorrow, just to make up for what happened, I guess." She continued her story, seemingly unaware of how it was affecting Matt.

Matt couldn't hide his unease. "You just met him like 3 hours ago, and now you're spending the day with him? Who is this guy?"

"No, he's really nice, I swear. Plus, he's Samantha's friend, so..." She was quick to defend.

"I'm just saying, you don't know this guy well enough to spend your whole day with him," Matt said, growing more upset by the minute.

"Well, how am I supposed to know him if we're not going to hang out?"

Chris chuckled, shaking his head, while Matt tried to keep his feelings in check.

"Up to you. I'm just looking out for you, you know that. Again, just saying. Be careful," Matt replied, struggling to hide his true emotions.

"Yes, Dad," she teased, rolling her eyes, though she was likely fighting off a smile.

"I'm serious. I'm just looking out," Matt insisted.

"I appreciate that, Matt. Don't worry, I'll update you guys tomorrow. Also, do you still remember the address of that pasta place we visited a year ago where Chris fell in love with the chicken alfredo?"

"I'll ask him," Matt's voice sounded small. He felt like he was losing her by the second. Who was this guy? Were they going on a date? He can already feel a headache coming and a lump forming in his throat.

"I'll text you the address," Chris shouted from across the room.

"Alright, I think I'm going to bed. I'm really tired," she said, still painfully unaware of Matt's feelings.

"Okay, then. Go to sleep. Text me tomorrow," Matt pleaded, his voice carrying a sense of desperation. "Please."

"I will, Matt. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Chris."

"Goodnight!" Chris cheerfully replied, clearly enjoying the situation way more than Matt was.

Deep inside, she felt a bit guilty for distancing herself from Matt, ignoring his texts, and even considering dating other guys, possibly including Luke in the future.

However, she loved Matt for a long time, but he never felt the same way. Some days it felt like he did, especially that time he had kissed her, but it was never enough. She believed that if he had ever felt the same way about her, she would have been aware of it by now.

She was becoming tired of constantly holding onto false hope, longing for a love that would never happen and yearning for a touch that seemed always just out of reach. She desired to be consumed by his fire, even if it meant getting burned.

She craved the warmth of his affection, the reassurance of his reciprocation, and the simple comfort of knowing that her love was not in vain.

Truth to be told, she knew that Matt deserved to know the depth of her feelings, even if it meant facing the harsh reality that he might not feel the same way. Love, after all, deserved to be known. On the other hand, she feared the potential fallout – the awkwardness, the possibility of rejection, and the damage it could do to their friendship.

She couldn't escape the fact that she had held this love within her for so long, it had become a part of her very being. It was like an unspoken truth that lingered in the air whenever they were together.

"Love has a right to be spoken. And you have the right to know that somebody loves you." - Ursula K. Le Guin, A Fisherman of the Inland Sea

From the moment she pushed open the imposing wooden doors of the campus, she spotted Luke, leaning against a tree. The sunlight played upon his brown hair, making it appear lighter, and his eyes took on a golden hue.

It was undeniable, Luke was handsome. Every time she looked at him, it felt like a breath of fresh air on a crisp morning. Maybe it was something about the way his eyes locked onto her when she told stories, or how effortlessly he could reply with clever comebacks that always seemed perfectly timed. It was the way he carried himself that caused her poor heart to race a little.

When he caught sight of her, his face lit up. "Hey you," he grinned, his hands tucked into his pockets.

She returned his warm smile. "Hey yourself," she replied playfully, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “You ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” he said, extending his arm, inviting her to link hers with his.

She shot him a look that said, ‘I’m not doing that,’ but she rolled her eyes, still smiling and continued walking.

Luke caught up with her, shaking his head with amusement.

Walking side by side, Luke kept his hands in his pockets, while she tucked hers inside her jacket to shield herself from the chilly air. She couldn’t wait for March to be over.

The curly-haired boy was surprised when he noticed a list of places on her notes app. Luke found it incredibly cute that she had taken the time to jot it all down for him.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you’ve listed everything,” he chuckled, glancing at her phone to catch a glimpse of their planned destinations. “You’re really committed to this, aren’t you?”

Despite his best efforts to meet her eyes, she remained engrossed in her phone, her gaze fixed on the screen. “Of course. I did say I’ll show you the city, remember?”

Luke’s curiosity was piqued, and his eyebrows raised. A small smile played on his lips. “Do you always do this?”

She couldn’t help but laugh at his question. It was quite out of character for her to agree to tour someone around the city, especially when they had only met the night before. But Luke had proven to be a pleasant distraction from the strange texts she had been receiving from Matt lately plus he was really cute.

“To be honest,” she began, looking up from her phone to turn to Luke, “no. I just felt like doing something different today.” Her gaze softened as she spoke, and for a moment, her thoughts drifted to what Matt had texted her earlier that morning.

‘You do know that’s a date, right?’

Her response was that it wasn’t, explaining that she was simply acting as a good friend, and this left her message without a reply.

As the day went on, she found herself more and more drawn to Luke. If she were to describe the distraction from her unrequited love, who was miles away from the East Coast, it would undoubtedly be a flirty man with curly brown hair, coffee-colored eyes, and a smile that could light up any room he walked into.

With a playful tone, she leaned in and asked, “So, what’s one more thing on your Boston bucket list, aside from the lobsters?”

They sat together at a cozy coffee shop near the school, where a handful of students were studying. The shop’s walls were adorned with rustic brown bricks, and colorful flowers added a touch of charm. As the sun began its descent, the interior was bathed in a golden hue, creating a warm and inviting atmosphere.

Samantha had just texted her asking how the date with Luke in which she replied again that it was not.

Luke paused for a moment, considering the question. “Well, I’ve heard Fenway Park is pretty iconic.”

She agreed, reaching for her cup yet again. “That’s a fantastic choice! You’ll get to experience the true Boston sports culture.”

Luke grinned, appreciating her enthusiasm for everything he says. “And what about you? Any more must-see places you’d recommend?”

She thought for a moment, remembering the restaurant Chris loved, but chose not to mention it, as if she were safeguarding a secret that the world couldn’t know, the restaurant symbolizing memories that were now part of the past. Instead, she decided to keep their conversation in the present, allowing it to flow naturally.

She smiled shyly, a glint in her eyes, as she playfully remarked, “If I didn’t know any better, I think you’re just finding reasons to see me again.”

Luke's grin widened, his charm shining even brighter. "Ah, you've caught me," he admitted, "guilty as charged but who could resist an opportunity to explore Boston with such beautiful company?"

Her shy smile only added to the allure of the moment, and he couldn't help but appreciate the twinkle in her eyes. "Well," he continued, his tone dipping into a more flirtatious register, "if this is me saying I’d like to see you again, then what do you say? Perhaps you could be my personal tour guide for a while longer?"

She couldn't help but blush at him. "If that's your way of saying you'd like to see me again, then I say you're in luck,” she teased.  “I wouldn't mind being your tour guide for a while longer."

Luke laughed, his face lighting up at her response, and he couldn't help but shake his head amusingly. "That's fantastic news! I supposed I'll have to come up with even more reasons to see you then."

Her smile remained coy, eyes locking onto his. "I look forward to it."

“But on a Saturday, in a café, she watched it begin again.”

(ifykyk haha)

May 2023

Nick Sturniolo couldn't tolerate it any longer; once again, his brother was wallowing in his room, shrouded in darkness with the covers pulled over his head. It seemed like Matt's sole agenda was eating and sleeping these days.

"That's enough," Nick's voice reverberated through Matt's room, with Chris trailing behind him. "This has to stop. Seriously, you need to get out."

Matt grumbled, squeezing his eyes shut. "No, Nick."

"Dude, come on." While Chris empathized with his brother's emotions, he knew that spending five days holed up in bed was far from ideal. "Have you even talked to her?"

"No," came the quiet, dismissive reply.

Exchanging concerned glances, Chris and Nick understood that Matt was avoiding them once again. Unmoved, Nick reached out and yanked the covers away, leaving Matt exposed from his warm cocoon.

"Nooo, Nick," Matt whined, rising from his bed, and walking past them into the bathroom. "Can you two just leave me alone?"

"Matt, please, this needs to stop," Nick pleaded, following him. However, Matt shut the bathroom door before Nick could utter another word.

Chris shook his head, deeply concerned. "This is getting out of hand."

"I'll call her," Nick declared, determined to mend his brother's broken heart as he headed toward the couch to grab his phone.

Chris halted him in his tracks. "Don't, Nick."

"Why not? This is ridiculous. She needs to know what's happening to Matt, you know?"

While Nick loved her just as much and empathized with her feelings for her brother, witnessing her heart break over the same guy repeatedly over the past few years, he also loved Matt and understood his reasons and he would go to great lengths to ensure he never saw his brother like this again.

"Don't do it, Nick," Chris warned again.

"Why not?" Nick persisted, challenging Chris, his frustration mounting.

"Because what are you going to tell her? That Matt's been depressed as shit because she went on multiple dates with this guy, and it all went well?"

Matt, listening from the other side of the door, emerged and interceded between them. "No one's going to tell anyone anything, okay? I'll be fine. I just want to be left alone."

"You have to tell her, Matt," Nick said, speaking more softly this time.

Chris gazed at the side of Matt's face, his heart aching at the sight of his brother in such despair. "Before it's too late," Chris added.

It pained Chris to see his brother like this, but he couldn't help but consider that maybe Matt had missed his chance with her months ago when he failed to understand why she was so upset about him having a girlfriend. Chris also couldn't deny that she had pined for Matt for years, and it had taken a long time for his brother to realize his true feelings and he also knew that even time would not wait for Matt.

In the weeks that followed, their household was like wrapped in an atmosphere of melancholy. Matt's isolation continued, and it seemed like there was a cloud of sadness hanging over them, especially when she announced that she plans to make it official with Luke.

Each day that passed without Matt addressing his feelings felt like a missed opportunity, and Nick couldn't help but wonder how much time they had left before those feelings became irrevocably entangled with regret.

He knew Matt's heartache was genuine and real. It wasn't just about a date gone well; it was about missed chances, miscommunication, and the unraveling of a connection that had been there all along. Nick also couldn't shake the nagging feeling that time was slipping through their fingers like grains of sand. It was an unspoken truth, a silent echo in the house, that they were running out of chances to mend the rift between Matt and her.

Meanwhile, Chris wrestled with his own conflicted emotions. He remembered that moment when Matt had failed to understand the depths of her pain when he had kissed her and pretended it didn't happen, his brother's lack of action when she needed him the most. It had been a missed opportunity, an oversight.

March 29, 2023

Dear Matt,

Spring’s break over. Been over for a few days. Everything is back to normal, and the air is getting warmer, which makes me a little happy. Mac Demarco’s song came on shuffle earlier on my way to class and it reminded me of when we were listening to it during the car ride back home. Remember the mint ice cream I let you try, and you hated it? Yep, that was the day.

I’ve already told you about Luke. He’s okay. He’s nice. I think I like him. I mean, what’s not to like? He flew back to San Diego, but we've been talking non-stop through FaceTime and texts. I think he might like me too, though I don't want to assume anything. You did say to get to know him better before rushing into anything.

I feel like things are changing, Matt. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. I miss you so much. I wish you weren’t so far away.

April 7, 2023

Hi Matthew,

I’m just struggling with my feelings right now. Luke admitted last night after nonstop calls and texts, that he likes me more than a friend and he wants to take things further but slow.

I was frozen for a few seconds. I like him but I don’t know. I guess I’ll see where it goes.

I texted you about it, but you didn’t reply, Chris said you were out with Nick and Madi. I’ll tell you all about it later. I wish you knew, Matt. I wish you knew.  That it has always been you.

It was the second week of June of 2023 when Matt Sturniolo landed in Boston, Massachusetts. After being gone for months, he was immensely grateful he was back home. The weather was warm which made everything feel just right. Things had improved significantly with him compared to the previous month, following a heartfelt conversation with Nick and Chris. They all agreed that confessing his feelings while she was entering a promising relationship wouldn't be fair, and his brothers supported this decision.

The way she would light up when talking about Luke during their video calls was enough for Matt to accept the situation as it was. He also realized that the opportunity had already passed him. She had already met someone else, and he believed, or at least liked to believe, that this person makes her happy and that was more than enough for him.

This newfound understanding brought a sense of peace to his heart, but he couldn't deny, not even to himself, that he was truly heartbroken. Despite the acceptance, there were moments when the weight of the unspoken emotions, the timing, and the distance bore down on him.

Remembering their intimate moments together leave him with a lingering ache in his heart. Matt had been in love with her long before he could put a name to his emotions, but by the time he understood his own feelings, it was already too late.

"Yo, Nate just texted me," Chris said while munching on chips and leaning against the kitchen counter. "He said shit’s ready."

"Wait, I need to take a shower first, and then we can head out," Nick shouted from the other room.

Matt appeared from the laundry area, a sock on one hand, and asked Chris about his outfit, "Do you think this looks good?"

"Yeah, that's alright. I really like that shirt," Chris replied.

Matt smiled and said, "Me too."

Impatient, Chris sighed and yelled, "Can you hurry up, Nick? Alahna just texted me, she said they already pulled up to Nate’s house."

Nick shouted back, his words somewhat unclear, "Yeah, I'll be quick."

Silence enveloped them again. After a moment, Chris whispered, "Are you sure you'll be okay there, Matt?"

"I'll be fine, Chris. It's Nate's birthday," Matt responded, still engrossed in his phone.

Chris sent him a half smile. “You know she’s never going to replace you right? Your friendship with her is already special in its own right.”

Matt looked up, his expression softening but still uncertain. He nodded, agreeing with his brother's words, though not entirely convinced.

"Alright, I'm ready to roll," Nick announced after 20 minutes, already heading for the door.

Chris could sense Matt's tension and placed a reassuring hand on his brother's shoulder. "Hey, Matt," he began, his tone gentle. "It's gonna be okay."

Matt leaned on him, nodding. "Thanks, Chris."

With a nod, Chris turned to Nick who's already impatiently waiting by the car. "Let's get going then. Nathan's waiting."

Hands on the wheel, Matt did his best to focus on the familiar road ahead of them. Nick sang along to the radio in the backseat, while Chris stared out of the window. Deep down, Matt wanted to turn around and retreat to the safety of his bedroom, but he hid his anxieties by remaining silent.

As Matt parked the car and they approached Nate's house, he couldn't shake the nervousness that had been building inside him. Chris and Nick walked ahead towards the sliding door in the backyard, where they greeted Nate's family.

For Matt, however, it was as if time had slowed down. As he scanned the gathering, he saw familiar faces - people he had known since middle school, some high school, and some he forgot the names of. Life appeared to have moved on for them, unaware of the feelings he was facing with.

With his hands in his pockets, he looked timid and shy. But then, as if the universe conspired to grant him a moment of relief, he saw her. It had been seven months. Seven long months since he had seen and kissed her, and it felt like finally witnessing the sun after a cold winter night.

Nick was approaching her first, and she welcomed his brother with a big smile on her face. Matt couldn't help but notice the subtle changes in her appearance - her hair now cascaded just below her collarbone, framing her face beautifully. Her smile, however, remained as radiant as ever, perhaps even more so. The way she held onto Nick, the carefree way her hair danced in the breeze, the sunlight gently touching her face made her seem almost unreal. The summer air had given her a healthy flush on her cheeks, making them pinker than he remembered. Her laughter like music to his ears.

After what felt like an eternity of hugging and catching up with his brothers, she began searching for him in the crowd. Her eyes eventually found him, standing there in all his handsome glory. With knowing smiles exchanged between Chris and Nick, his brothers left them alone. Matt approached her slowly, his hands still tucked in his pockets. "Hi," he greeted her with a shy smile.

She looked up at him, biting her lip, her voice now softer compared to when she had greeted his brothers. "Hi."

Subtly and unwittingly, her body leaned towards his, just like old times, and reached out to embrace him. Matt couldn't help but notice the familiar scent of her hair, the same fragrance that used to linger on his pillow for days after she had slept over.

As always, good things must come to an end, and she reluctantly pulled away, her eyes sparkling with happiness as she looked up at him. They were so close that they could feel each other's breath.

"Missed you," Matt blurted out, unable to contain his feelings. He had truly missed her more than she'll ever know.

"I missed you too, Matthew. How are things?" Her affection for him was evident in her words. Matt, who had been the love of her life for years, was now back home.

"Things are good," he replied, his voice carrying a mixture of emotions. "I'm so glad to be back home."

"Finally," she murmured softly, the word laden with longing and spoken with an intimacy meant only for his ears. Her gaze remained locked onto his, they were so absorbed into each other that they didn't notice that their friends were watching them, both oblivious to the hushed whispers in the background.

"Yeah, finally," Matt whispered, eyes steady with hers.

Observing this interaction, Nate nudged Chris gently, nodding towards them. His eyes wide.

"Oh no, Matt," Chris whispered, seeing Luke, who stood a few feet away and had seen everything. Her and Matt are standing really close, almost as if they were about to kiss. "Don't do it, Matt." Fearing his brother would do something stupid, again.

A faint clearing of the throat from behind them interrupted their moment.

"Luke," she whispered, surprised and wide-eyed. Luke responded with a polite smile, concealing his uneasiness.

Watching from a distance, Chris's heart continued to race.

Feeling embarrassed, Matt wished he could disappear. He had let his emotions get the best of him and now found himself in an awkward situation. Sensing her pull away, Matt watched as she moved closer to Luke's side, putting some distance between them.

"Luke, this is Matt," she introduced them, her voice slightly small. She gestured towards both of them. "Matt, meet Luke, my boyfriend." Matt hid his true feelings behind a polite greeting and shook Luke's extended hand but from a distance, Chris and Nate could see the sadness in his eyes as he glanced back and forth between the new couple.

"Nice to meet you, Matt. I've heard a lot about you and your brothers." Matt couldn't help but find irony in the situation, as he remembered the night in Los Angeles when he had introduced his ex to her, and his ex had offered similar words of welcome.

Matt smiled and nodded, his gaze lingering on the way Luke held her waist.

Luke started a friendly conversation, trying to ease the obvious tension in the air. "So, when did you guys get back from L.A.?"

"We got back just two days ago," Matt replied casually, shifting his gaze to Chris and Nate a few feet away from them, who was now stopped dead in their tracks, watching their interaction unfold. "What about you? I heard you're from California, right?"

Luke, keeping things relaxed, replied, "Yes, San Diego. I've been here for a week. Planning to stay for the rest of the summer."

"Oh," Matt struggled to find the right words. Spending a whole summer, indicating a serious step into their relationship.

"That's cool. Boston has nice beaches, although they might not compare to the ones on the West Coast." 

Her gaze remained locked on his, searching for a reaction. Nathan, Matt's best friend since they were 13 has always known the right words to say. He swooped in just in time to save Matt from a potentially explosive situation. 

"Hey, you guys, do you mind if I borrow Matt here for sec?” Nate asked casually, offering them his playful smile. "We need help with the ice and stuff." He said cooly, earning a knowing glance from Matt.

This was Luke's first time meeting Matt, and he couldn't help but wonder if there was more to the history between her and her best friend. After witnessing their intense interaction moments ago, he wondered if it has always been like this.  As Nate led Matt away, a moment of silence settled between Luke and her. She could sense the curiosity in Luke's eyes. Finally, he broke the silence with a gentle tone, "You guys seem very close. Is there more than what I know?"

She took a deep breath, her fingers fidgeting with the fabric of her skirt. "We've been friends for a long time, you know that." she replied, her voice a mixture of apprehension and vulnerability.

"I just never expected you two were that close," Luke chuckled lightly, making an effort to lighten the mood.

When she didn't reply, Luke gently continued, "Hey," speaking in a softer tone this time, he turned his entire body to face her, ensuring she could look into his eyes. "I'm not worried about anything. If you say you guys have been nothing more than friends all this time, then I believe you."

She smiled, feeling grateful that Luke had gracefully dropped the topic. But there was no lie in that statement; they were just friends. Matt had never reciprocated her feelings, and it had always been that way. She should be happy that she has a love like Luke's. A love unwavering, ever-present affection that wraps her in a sense of security and even though this love was just starting, it's here. It wants to spend the whole summer with her. It kisses and hugs her at night. A love that loves her back.

Chris followed Nate and Matt into the house and found them already engaged in a conversation. "Dude," he began. With Nate, deeply looking into Matt's eyes Chris knew he was helping calm his brother down. “What was that?”

Matt snapped, growing irritated with Chris, feeling the situation become more increasingly awkward and cringeworthy. "Just be quiet for a second, Chris."

“You need to keep your feelings in check before it gets complicated,” Chris informed, arms up in defense.

Matt sighed, realizing the truth in his brother's words. "Was it really that bad?"

"Bro," Nate gave him a sideways glance.

"Matt, with how close you two are, you might as well just kiss her," Chris whispered loudly, scanning the room for any guests who might have overheard them.

"It was like you guys were the only ones in the room," Nate chimed in, to which Chris nodded in agreement.

Matt hung his head in shame, anxiously sighing once more and burying his face in his hands. "I can't handle this."

"Yes, you can," Nate reassured him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You're here for my birthday, nothing else and you're gonna go out there and we're gonna have fun. Look, look, Karl's already setting up the barbeque."

Matt can only nod. Tonight was all about Nathan, and no boyfriend was going to ruin it for them.

Truth was, Nate was hesitant when she asked the question of whether she could invite Luke as her plus one. Deep down, he understood that she was slowly unveiling to the world the fact that this charming, curly-haired brunette with captivating brown eyes is going to be in their lives whether they like it or not. Nate was also aware of the feelings Matt is dealing with, feelings he suspected had been simmering beneath the surface ever since he witnessed them sharing a slice of pizza in his very own backyard three years ago. He feared that Matt wouldn't take this well, and the feelings of regret over missed opportunities might shadow him as he watched her with Luke. Yet, despite these, Nate couldn't bring himself to say no. He firmly believed that she deserved to show her love, just like anyone else and to Nate, this love was something his best friend would ultimately need to come to terms with.

The night proved to be a blur for her, with Matt's presence lingering nearby like a shadow. Just the knowledge that he was only a few feet away made her stomach churn. It hadn't always been like this; typically, she had a firm grip on her emotions and could maintain her composure, but the situation earlier, with the three of them – herself, Matt, and Luke – had left her wanting to go home and avoid talking to anyone ever again.

It had been a slip, a slip that should never have happened. The way she had clung to him, waiting for any sign, anything that might reveal his disapproval of her relationship with Luke. But when he walked through the door with Chris and Nate trailing behind him, she realized she had been fooling herself once again.

Matt had calmed himself down, thanks to Nate and Chris. With Nick giving him raised eyebrows as if to say, 'What the hell just happened? We'll talk about this later.' he shifted his focus to the food that was being handed around, attempting to divert his thoughts.

The night progressed smoothly, and the final blow came when Matt sat across from her in the group circle. Chloe, who had joined them, shot knowing looks her way as she sat beside Matt. "So, what are your plans for the summer?" their friend asked.

Various answers were heard from the group. "What about you and Luke?"

"We're going on Europe with Luke's friends from New York," she blurted out, her eyes finding their way back to her hands, avoiding Matt's piercing eyes.

She could hear the excitement and wows reverberated around the circle.

Luke chimed in, adding, "Yeah, it's going to be fun. I’m excited."

The conversation continued, with the group asking about when they will leave, and some were sharing recommendations for must-visit spots in Greece. She tuned them out, feeling smaller with each passing moment.

A European adventure was Matt and Her’s secret dream, a dream they had shared only in the quiet of the night, under the covers, with Nick sleeping on the couch nearby. It symbolized another significant step in their relationship, something that Matt couldn't help but notice.

Matt felt his heart break a little more with each passing moment, like a series of painful stabs. Of course, he didn’t forget the plans to elope in Europe and here she was fulfilling those dreams with another man.

When their eyes met, he masked his pain with a faint, forced smile.

Finally, the night ended with Chris giving her and Luke a friendly hug. With Matt already in the car avoiding the couple and Nick in the back saying his own goodbyes to Alahna and Nate.

Matt went straight to his room, shutting the door firmly behind him. Chris stopped Nick in pestering Matt and asking him about what happened at the party, he insisted that they give their brother space to work on his feelings.

~

"You're awfully quiet," Luke nudged her gently. They sat in the living room, surrounded by her sister and cousins, watching cartoons as the warm Boston summer air flowed in through the open windows of the house.

"Just lost in thought," she sighed.

"What's on your mind?" Luke asked, rubbing her hand while his gaze remained fixed on her face.

"Nothing much, just a bit nervous about meeting your New York friends," she chuckled, trying to keep her tone casual.

"They're not that bad," he reassured her, his fingers now absentmindedly playing with hers. "They'll love you. Who wouldn't love you?"

One person, she thought, but she managed to smile at Luke, appreciating his warmth. It had been a week since Nate's birthday, and Matt hadn't reached out. Part of her was secretly relieved; she wouldn't know what to say to him anyway. She knew Matt tended to withdraw when things got awkward.

This had been her problem since they were young. Matt always looks at her like he could love her, and she fell for it every time, only to have her heart broken again.

She knew she was lying to Luke about her old feelings for Matt, but she was determined to bury those emotions and start fresh with Luke.

"What if they don't like me?"

"They have no choice but to like you; they're going to spend two months with you in Europe," Luke chuckled before giving her a sweet kiss.

"I guess," she replied.

Silence settled between them once more. "Is everything ready for you? We leave really early tomorrow," Luke asked, mentally checking if he had brought everything he needed in his head.

"Yup, all packed and ready. Actually, I think I'm going to visit Nick and the boys later, you know to say my goodbyes," she shrugged.

She could feel the mood had shifted between her and Luke.

Luke straightened up, letting go of her hand. "Oh. Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, that's fine. Nick has been bugging me to hang out since they got back. He wanted to catch up and stuff."

"Alright," Luke nodded, smiling at her, not pushing further.

Setting foot in her lifelong friends' house brought a wave of nostalgia; it felt like an eternity since she had last visited. Nick welcomed her at the front door with a cheerful smile, the sounds of a heated argument between Chris and Matt can be heard from the kitchen.

"You just don't get it. I didn't know it was yours," Chris defended himself, dressed casually in shorts and a white shirt.

"Well, you should've asked me! Can't you leave a soda in the fridge for 24 hours max?" Matt shouted, clearly agitated. "Geez, you're so fucking grumpy today, is this because-" Chris replied, and Nick cleared his throat, worried that Chris might say something she should not hear. Chris noticed her presence first and practically lunged at her, almost knocking the air out of her. "Oh my god, I missed you so much."

She smiled and patted his back, returning the hug warmly. When he released her, he continued with a mischievous glint in his eyes and a playful tone, "I'm so sorry we couldn't talk much at Nate's party. You were so busy."

"Chris," Nick warned with a pointed look. Chris shrugged, still grinning.

"I missed you too and no, I wasn’t," she chuckled, glancing between Nick and Chris, offering a reassuring smile.

"Yes, you were. You were busy with your new boyfriend," Matt snapped, his tone cutting and bitter, causing her smile to slowly vanish. He wasn't looking at her, not acknowledging her presence and not even trying to hide that he doesn’t want her there.

The room fell silent, Chris and Nick exchanging shocked and speechless glances in response to Matt's outburst, making the atmosphere tense.

"In fact," Matt added, his voice sharp as knives, "you were so busy with your new boyfriend that you forgot we had plans to go to the beach with Chloe yesterday."

His words were meant to hurt, like venom injected into her heart. "Matt, please." Chris intercedes, but the tears and the lump in her throat were already starting.

"Shut up, Chris. It's true! She's Miss College-this and Miss College-that. Why are you even here? Aren't you supposed to be in Europe with your boyfriend?" Matt sneered, his blue eyes piercing through her soul, oblivious to how much his words were hurting her.

"What the hell, Matt?" Nick glowered at Matt; his eyes wide, unable to believe that his brother was speaking to her like this.

"No, it's okay Nick, leave us," she whispered, stopping him. She swallowed hard, attempting to hold back the tears and keep her composure.

Chris, sensing that this was a necessary conversation between her and Matt, guided Nick out of the kitchen. He believed in her; if anyone could handle this, it was her.

"What's your problem?" She approached Matt slowly, keeping a comfortable distance, with the kitchen counter acting as a physical barrier between them.

"You! You're my problem," Matt mumbled, avoiding eye contact, turning his head, and looking towards the window.

In the years of friendship with Matt, they never once had an argument like this. Matt had never been this upset with her, especially over missed plans. She had missed one or two in previous years, but he had never been this furious.

Her heart ached trying to understand Matt’s current level of distress. She was not understanding why the boy in front of her was seething with frustration, his cheeks flushed, hair disheveled, and his eyes usually so warm and inviting now looks exhausted and empty.

This was not the Matt she had grown so close to.

"How am I your problem? Are you seriously this fucking upset because I forgot about our plans to go to the beach yesterday?" She was getting angrier, and her voice was rising.

Matt finally looked at her again. "Just forget it."

He tried to walk away, but she blocked his path. "No. Tell me. What's wrong?"

She peered into his bloodshot eyes; he looked so done. But before she could speak again, Matt beat her to it. "Nothing's wrong. Everything's just great. Go back to your perfect boyfriend; he must be worried about you."

"He's not worried about me, Matt. Are you kidding me? What did I do to make you this upset? Look, I’m sorry, okay? We had to pack-"

Matt didn't answer and brushed past her, bumping her shoulder in the process, his back turned to her.

"Seriously, you're just going to leave? So this is about Luke? Are you jealous? Do you think I'm too busy for you guys now that I have a boyfriend?"

"I'm in love with you, okay!" Matt turned around, facing her. His blue eyes now on the verge of tears.

She stood there in stunned silence, her feet rooted to the spot. She couldn't believe it — Matthew Sturniolo, her best friend, and the boy she had secretly pined for over the years, was in love with her.

Meanwhile, in the other room, Chris and Nick listened in wide-eyed shock, their brother’s confession echoing through the house. Chris exchanged a surprised glance with Nick, who couldn’t help but roll his eyes, muttering, “Finally,” under his breath.

Matt continued, his voice frustrated, "I cannot, for the life of me, forget the day I kissed you and how much I still wanted to. How much I wanted to chase after you that night, to kiss you again, I cannot stop thinking about it."

[kindahoping4forever]

happy birthday, pillar of the 5sos fandom and Ashton Irwin insanity fan club🛐🛐 thank you so much for all the time, energy and work you put into this blog. I'm sending you a lot of love and manifesting more Ashton content that will prompt new #Daddy but [insert adjective] tags<33

here's this photo that bites me in the ass whenever i stumble upon it! ily

Ana, that's so sweet, thank you! And aaah that pic! His eyes! His lips! His cheeks! 😭😭🥰🥰

[vixentheplanet]

heartbeat

“everything about you is speeding up my heartbeat.”

shuri x black!reader | 18+

Summary: You live a privileged life of luxury as the heiress of Esme Hotel. The majority of your time was spent partying and drinking all over the world. One night, at your father's request, you find yourself at a charity event where you meet the Queen of Wakanda. Your friendship was instant, but the love was unexpected.

Love was not a feeling you were familiar with, but as time passed, you realized you were in love with Shuri. Shuri meant too much to you to risk losing her by telling her this, but you weren't doing a good job of dealing with your new emotions.

word count: 5.4k

themes: heiress reader, falling in love because love is beautiful

warnings: excessive drinking, some drug use (y/n is a rich party girl having the time of her life), and insecurities.

hi- my first post lmaoooooooo i was going to add versace on the floor to this at the end BUT i can’t find the document 😩🫨

Life is a funny thing. 

If somebody had told you six months ago you would be meeting the love of your life, you probably would have laughed in their face. As the heiress to Esmé Hotel’s, a global luxury hotel and resort business, you weren’t interested in settling down because, in this life, it was hard to find genuine connections with people. Of course, you didn’t have a hard time making friends. People clung to you everywhere you went. That was your life, money, glamor, parties, and disingenuous people. For you, it wasn’t that bad.

Love was the last thing on your mind, but again life is funny. 

Tonight you returned to New York City from Ibiza; it was your best friend's birthday, and one day wasn't enough to celebrate her. You and a group of "friends" flew out to the Balearic island and spent a week fueled by drugs and alcohol with little sleep and many bad decisions, but you couldn't remember them to regret them. The fun ended when your father called to say he was sending the private jet to take you back to New York. 

Pepper Potts, the CEO of Stark Industries, was hosting a charity event in the ballroom of one of the Esme Hotels, and your father asked you to attend in his place because he couldn't. The company was auctioning an all-inclusive trip to any Esme resort in the United States. Usually, your brother would fill in for him, but they were both in Monaco on business, leaving you as the only option.

You opted for a piece from the Zuhair Murad Couture 2023 collection, a stunning pink sequined midi dress paired with a matching floor-length scarf. Your pink Giuseppe Zanotti Iride crystal sandals went perfectly with the dress. When walking the red carpet, you smiled and posed, trying to make it not appear as you’d rather be anywhere but here. You got through without any problems, and as soon as you entered the ballroom, you went straight to the bar. Was there anything else you were supposed to do? Mingle? Network? You didn't need any of that and intended to leave after making arrangements with the auction winner.

Of course, the staff knew exactly who you were upon your arrival, and the bartender quickly came over. “Marco, the usual, please.” Within seconds a French martini was in front of you. “Thank you, I’ll need another one in about five minutes.” You say, sipping the martini and scanning the crowd. 

There were many people here, some of whom you recognized as reputable business professionals in their respective industries, some celebrities, and government officials. Most were just nameless faces. If they weren’t in the tabloids or someone your father had introduced you to, there was no way of you knowing them. 

Suddenly, a man in an awful powdered blue suit approaches you and leans on the bar. "Hello, sweetheart. I'm surprised to see you here. Where is dear old dad?” 

This man, whoever he is, was a stranger to you, but he clearly knows you. As much as you wanted to tell him to fuck off, you were here to represent Esme in place of your father and didn't want to make a PR nightmare or accidentally upset a valued shareholder.

You flash your perfect fake smile before replying, “My father couldn’t make it. He’s stuck in Monaco overseeing the construction site for a new hotel.” 

“So I guess you’re being auctioned off?” He jokes. He's too preoccupied with the drinks to see the look of utter disgust on your face.

“Excuse me?” You say, completely appalled. If this person is someone your father knew and trusted, he would never dare to treat you so rudely and endanger the future of their business relationship.

This asshole has the nerve to seem surprised that you didn't appreciate his compliment. “Oh, come on. I’d pay top dollar to hit that.” He makes a humorous sound, and before you can react, someone else chimes in.

“That’s rather disrespectful, don’t you think?” In front of you is a figure you've only seen on television while news commentators discussed whether the world needed access to vibranium. You may have changed the channel repeatedly, but forgetting such a striking face was difficult. The Queen of Wakanda was stunning in a sparkling black jumpsuit, accompanied by two Dora Milaje warriors who stared down the man who had insulted you.

Who would have guessed Queen Shuri would be coming to your rescue? “You see a beautiful woman and lose your manners?” Her expression is fierce, and her gaze is harsh. Unable to answer her questions, the stranger stood there with eyes so wide you thought they could pop out of his head.

You smirk, taking a sip of your martini. Not so talkative now, asshole.

Her next words were a demand, not a request. “Apologize.” 

He turns to face you, and you can’t help but smirk with satisfaction, waiting. “I-I- I’m sorry,” the man stutters and is smart enough to walk away quickly.  

Once the man is out of view, Queen Shuri focuses on you. You place your drink on the bar and try to think of the proper way to greet royalty. You definitely can’t bow in this dress. You settle on a slight curtsy. “Thank you, I would bow, but this dress is too tight.” You explain. 

The Queen laughed and flashed a smile at you, "There is no need to bow, and I must say it is a very exquisite dress." 

You feel your cheeks warm. That must be the alcohol. “Finally, a normal complement,” you say playfully in light of the incident that had just transpired. “The jumpsuit is gorgeous. I’m Y/N Esmé,” you say, holding your hand out. 

She takes your hand in a firm grip and shakes. “You wouldn’t happen to have any relation to the golden Esmé hanging outside the venue?” She questions, raising an eyebrow. 

“That would be correct. Just the Heiress, nothing too exciting.” 

“Nothing too exciting,” She mocks. “An heiress and great sense of humor.” 

You prepare to respond when Pepper appears, looking a little frazzled, most likely running around to greet and show her face to guests. “Hi, Y/N. Thank you so much for coming.” She gives you a quick hug. 

“Do you mind if I steal the Queen away?” She asks. It was a question, but it was just for pleasantries. 

A little, you thought, but responded, “Not at all. It was a pleasure to meet you.” You tell Shuri, and she nods. “You as well,” and like that, she leaves as quickly as she had come, and tonight just got a little more interesting.

During the auction, you bid on a gold Steinway & Sons grand piano and paid $150,000. You thought it would look good in the lobby, and the money would go to a good cause. It turns out that you weren't the only one who felt generous. To your surprise, the top bidder for the vacation at an Esme Resort was the Queen of Wakanda herself, who bid $500,000. It was relatively high, given that the prize was only worth half the amount.

Later, you track down Shuri to find out where you should deliver the information for the trip. "That will not be necessary. I don't usually travel for pleasure." She explains, leaving you perplexed as to why she paid such a high price for a vacation she did not intend to take.

Your eyebrows raise. “Why did you bid on a vacation you have no interest in taking?” 

“It’s for charity. Besides, Money is no object.” 

Charming. You appreciated the way this woman was endearing and bold. Nothing like the dull, self-absorbed people you knew. An idea came to mind. “Follow me,” You say, bringing Shuri to the bar again. 

You lean over once you reach the hightop, getting the bartender's attention. 

“Marco, a pen, please.” The man behind the bar responds quickly, "Absolutely, madame," before scurrying to fulfill your request. He returned with a gold pen, the one given to the guest, and you grabbed a napkin writing down the digits of your number. 

“Here,” you said, holding the napkin out to Shuri. The Dora Milaje member accompanying her eyed it with suspicion. A business card would have been more appropriate, but the only card you carried was black with no spending limit. This napkin was the next best thing, “If you’re ever in New York and need a place to stay or a friend, text me.” 

That was the start of a meaningful friendship. Six months had passed since the Stark Industries event, and you and Shuri became inseparable. You spent time together whenever she was in New York, sometimes for a few hours, sometimes for a few days. You took her to several restaurants, art studios, and museums. The Dora Milaje was just a little behind, but it felt like it was only you two in the universe. If Shuri visited for a lengthy period of time, she'd book rooms at the Esmé and frequently find her way onto your couch, where you forced her to watch almost every reality TV show known to man. She had a lot of catching up to do.

Those moments were when you were genuinely alone and often held deeper conversations in the safety of your living room and each other's company. She told you about her father's death, her brother's death, and the tragedy that took her lone surviving family member. All of this led to her bearing the weight of the crown and becoming Wakanda's defender. You recall hearing the events on the news, and a small irrational part of you feels guilty you couldn't be there for Shuri, even though you didn't know each other at the time.

You tell her about your upbringing. How your father was never present, preoccupied with working for his father and one day taking over the family legacy. Your mother had been a free spirit who had turned into a stay-at-home mom; she had your brother and then you seven years later. Having suffered from postpartum depression in addition to a long-standing sense of being trapped and ignored, she simply left.

Your Family was a difficult topic for you; life wasn't all sparkle and glamor. Since losing a loved one caused you so much distress, you realized you probably suffered from abandonment issues. The "friends" you'd gained stuck with you because they benefited from being affiliated with you. You knew those people didn't care about you as a person, and you were okay with it because it prevented anyone from getting close to you.

It was something you never opened up to anyone about because, truth be told, you never formed a connection deep enough with someone to open up the way you did with Shuri.

You're not sure when these feelings blossomed into love, but it hit you one day while you sat in the Esmé's empty Luxury Cinema. When you mentioned your favorite movie to Shuri, she said she'd never seen it, so you dragged her to the hotel's theater. Your living room's flatscreen wasn't big enough for a first-time movie experience. As Shuri watched Shrek, the two of you enjoyed an assortment of concession snacks.

Even though it was your favorite, it was difficult to concentrate on the film with Shuri's infectious laughter next to you. Shuri's laugh unexpectedly became your favorite sound in the world. She laughed at the TV every time someone said something witty. She chuckled at your jokes, even if they weren't particularly amusing. Always full of positive energy. 

In her company, you felt safe and valued. You couldn't stop thinking about her when you were apart, which was regrettably a lot. The time until you could see her again was something you counted down in minutes or perhaps even seconds when she left.

You were awed by every aspect of her. Her brilliance, heroism, strength, and bravery. It was that moment when her eyes lit up as she watched Lord Farquaad interrogate the Gingerbread man when you realize you love her.

Shuri was in town for a UN meeting on Thursday night; ordinarily, she'd let you know when she'd be in town so you could plan something together, but she didn't. You got a text an hour ago wondering whether you'd be home because Shuri was planning on dropping by before returning to Wakanda. It hurt a little to know she was here but didn't inform you. Did she start to get bored with your company? 

You cut those thoughts out before texting back. You'd be home waiting. 

She made it to your penthouse and was currently lounging on your couch watching a rerun of Real Housewives. Shuri pretended she didn't like the show, but you both knew it was her favorite way to spend quality time together.

Unlike the other instances, it was quiet and tense, but you knew it was your fault. Even though Shuri decided to come over, you couldn't figure out why she wouldn't tell you she was in town. You video-chatted and texted frequently, but you only had so much time together in person. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” You asked. The question sat heavy in your mind, so you finally decided to ask. 

“Is that why you’re being all grumpy?” She accused, poking you with a socked toe. 

You reached over to swat her foot, “Don’t call me grumpy. You should have told me.” You hated how needy you sounded.

“I got so caught up in my lab I honestly forgot about it,” Shuri admits. “It was very last minute. Also, I figured you wouldn’t be here.”

Your sensible thinking takes over, and you can only say "Oh" as you realize how silly you are behaving. It made you feel a little ashamed for some reason. Even though this was your home, you were never there. 

There had been enough late hours and shared stories for you two to know enough about one other's lifestyles. Shuri had been thrown into the role of Queen at such a young age and held immense responsibilities. On the other hand, you are a well-known socialite whose late-night antics frequently trend on social media. That way of life wasn't as appealing as it once was. Knowing what Shuri went through and her bravery and resilience made you want to be better than you were.

That's why you've been attempting to reconnect with your father nowadays. As you grew older, your father realized how careless he had been during your childhood and constantly made attempts to connect, which you rejected. 

“Actually, I was in Monaco with my dad.” The construction of the Esmé resort in Monaco was going well, and your father had asked if you wanted to visit the site. In the past, you would say no you probably would’ve been busy, but your free time had opened up a lot more since you weren’t going out too often. It didn’t attract you as much anymore. 

“That’s wonderful, Y/N.” she was genuinely happy to hear that, knowing how strained the relationship was with your dad. 

“Yeah, it was nice, but I need another vacation.” You groan, throwing your head back on the edge of the sofa. 

“You could always come to Wakanda,” Shuri says casually, just like your head snaps. “I would love to show you my nation. I trust you.” She adds. 

“Stop joking,” you say, trying to laugh it off and pretend those words don’t have your brain removing all the knowledge you’ve accumulated in your years on earth to ensure you never forget this moment. 

Shuri doesn’t know how much her words affect you. You’re in love with her but could never tell her that. It wouldn’t work. For once in your life, you were the one in lack. Truthfully you had nothing to offer. You hated it. 

“Y/N,” She calls out to you, but you’re not listening. The television remote has become more interesting than this conversation as you try to bring your focus away from the woman of your dreams sitting suddenly too close for you to breathe. 

Shuri sits up slightly and reaches for the remote, stealing your attention from her. Sometimes, she seemed to have forgotten her strength. Instead of taking the remote from your grasp, you find yourself being tugged forward. The unexpected shock throws you off balance and causes you to tumble sideways. Shuri reacts immediately, pulling you back with one hand and securing the other around your waist to keep you upright.

That’s how you end up on her lap, looking down at her as she says, “I trust you,” again—staring directly into your eyes so you can see the honesty swimming through hers. Your heartbeat quickens as you struggle to comprehend what has just occurred. She holds you close, your hair falling in her face, and you laugh because that’s what you do best when things are too much.

You move the hair out of your face so you can see her clearly, “Shuri-” The sentence gets caught in your throat. While the romantic feelings were there, the sexual ones were there too. There have been too many occasions when you've woken up from a vivid dream and found it hard to believe her hands hadn't been coaxing some of the most intimate sounds out of you.

The way she looked under you. 

Your resolve was breaking.  

Her eyes flicker down and then back up. Your delusional mind starts to take over, imagining what it would be like to have her lips on yours. You wanted that so bad, if only you dared to lean down. There was stopping you from crossing that line, and it was dangerous. 

As if sensing you were going to fail its test, the universe takes mercy on you. 

Shuri’s kimono beads begin to ring, interrupting the moment between the two of you. You quickly move from off her, the skin on your face feeling warm as you take in the fact that you just had Shuri right underneath you, her hands holding tightly to keep you stable. You tried to move your thoughts elsewhere, not letting them get too carried away. 

A holographic depiction of General Ayo appeared. “Panther, we’re prepared to head back to Wakanda.”

Panther. Why was that so sexy? 

The Wakandan Queen is a little out of it, blinking a few times as she takes in the message. “Enkosi Ayo, I’ll be out soon.” Ayo salutes, and the hologram disappears. Wakanda’s technological advances always leave you amazed. 

Shuri looks apologetic. “I’m sorry, I must go.” She stands up and moves to retrieve her jacket from the coat closet. You needed distance from each other to prevent any uneasiness from developing.

“Better hurry, don’t keep Ayo waiting. She'll know it was my fault.” You tried to lighten the tension from the moment you’d just shared. 

“Ah, please, Ayo adores you.” She puts on her jacket and shoes before turning to you. “Don’t watch any more Real Housewives without me. I want to pick up where we left off once I return.” She says. You have to stop yourself from saying you can pick up exactly where you left off now, not talking about the show. 

“You got it,” You tell her as you both step into the foyer. It's always difficult to say goodbye to Shuri because all you can think about while she's gone is how much you miss her. For a split second, you think she'll say something else. She'd hold you close and tell you she's staying if you had your way.

Shuri's gaze lingers on you for a second, and you swear it's quiet enough for her to hear the rapid rhythm of your heartbeat. “Goodnight, Y/N.” She hugs you, and just like that, Shuri’s gone. 

You were in a daze from the event that transpired minutes ago. Your cheeks were still hot, and you felt as if you were suffocating. Your anxiety kicked in as you were left alone in such an empty space. 

Although you had never experienced love before, you did not doubt that you were head over heels for Shuri. She cared for you on a human level and treated you as such. You couldn't think about anyone else but Shuri. You recognize your vulnerability, but it's hard to be apart from the one you love, even if they don't realize it. But, keeping your emotions in check was becoming increasingly difficult, and today proved that.

You were used to people wanting something from you when they came into your life. To go on lavish vacations on your dime, to be seen with you, and to improve their reputation. It didn't disturb you that you were surrounded by those who did nothing but take from you because, well, they were still there. Being alone has never worked for you.

You groaned dramatically, throwing yourself onto your bed. There was no doubt in your mind it would never work out. Shuri was too sophisticated and well-established, and yes, you were an heiress, but what did that mean to the Queen of the most advanced nation on Earth? Nothing. 

It was all so overwhelming. Something had to give; you needed to find a way to get these thoughts out of your head before they jeopardized your friendship with Shuri. You took out your phone and contacted a couple of your friends to ask if they had plans for tonight, and your friend Amaya texted you the information about an event starting at ten o'clock at one of her mothers' VIP clubs. Hanging out with Amaya was always fun and guaranteed a night of dancing, drinking, and getting high. You didn't want to feel anything, so you’d do whatever to numb your thoughts.

Deciding on an outfit was tricky, but you eventually decide to go with the green Attico Magnolia sequined mesh midi dress, pairing it with crystal sliver Rene Caovilla sandals. An SUV awaited you outside the hotel, and you were on your way. The night flew by, and as soon as you found Amaya, she handed you three shots and half a pill, and you shoved it down your throat. That was all you could recall distinctly as the night progressed; after seven drinks, you lost track and swallowed the other popper. You had a lot of fun on the dance floor but left when the talk became too suggestive. Why would you go home with someone other than Shuri? You need another drink.

The drinking and dancing cycle continued until 3 a.m. when your feet ached, and you needed to get into bed. The SUV returned you to the hotel, and security ensured you arrived securely at your penthouse.

You were back on your own, without a sense of direction, but you did know one thing: you missed Shuri. You want to see her, kiss her, and adore her. You reached for your phone and dialed her number without thinking. You placed your phone on the bed and stared at the ceiling, waiting for her to speak, but she never did.

I’ll leave a voicemail.

With the chemicals disrupting your mental state, you allow your emotions to take over completely. "Shuri, you are the most incredible person I've ever met... and I'll never meet somebody half as beautiful as you." Your words are slurred but honest.

“I need you to come back right now. I love you. I can’t not love you. I can’t lie, I can’t pretend, and I don’t want to. I love you. You’re all I want so much it hurts.” That is the last thing that left your lips before you inevitably drifted into sleep. 

When you woke up, the pounding in your brain was merciless. You have no idea how you got into your bed while still fully dressed down to your shoes. Fortunately, there was an Excedrin and a water bottle on the bedside table, thanks to your security guard. You take the pill with water before changing your clothing and preparing for a day of movies and takeout. There was no way you were getting out of this bed today.

You enter your walk-in closet, pull off your dress, and change into a ridiculous I LOVE NY tank top that Shuri had given you as a joke. You didn't bother putting on bottoms, it was your home, and you could go around in your underwear if you wanted to. You entered the bathroom through a door that connected to the closet.

Using the claw clip that was lying around, you clipped your hair. You brushed your teeth and reached for your face wash. The corded phone in your bedroom rings as you turn for the sink, the sound loud and piercing. Groaning, you return to the bedroom, assuming it's someone from the front desk.

Nothing could have prepared you for the appearance of a figure inside your room. Your brain recognizes the person before you as you open your mouth to scream. You believed you were hallucinating for a split second. 

“Jesus fuck, Shuri! What the hell!” You scream, grasping your chest, relieved you weren't abducted, but your heart is pounding.

The phone was still ringing. You moved past Shuri to answer it. Startled, hungover, and annoyed, what a morning you thought. 

“What?” You yell into the receiver, instantly regretting your tone as the person on the other line stutters out, “Madam Esmé, you have a guest coming up. I apologize we could not reach you on your personal cellular device.” 

The visitor must have been Shuri. Why had she returned? You looked at her curiously, trying to figure out what was happening. Last night you sent her off back to Wakanda; not even 24 hours went by, and she’s back leaning against the wall, arms crossed, and jaw tight. “Uh, sorry. I see that, thank you.” You hang up the phone and turn to Shuri, but keep your distance. 

“Not that I’m not happy to see you, but you scared the shit out of me. Why are you back so soon?” 

“You.” Your body tensed at her tone. 

“Me?” 

“You weren’t answering your phone. I called you multiple times. Do you know how worried I was?” Your heart sinks. Did something happen? Had she needed you, and you weren’t there? You couldn’t even remember where your phone was. 

"Oh my God, I'm such an idiot, Shuri. I must have left my phone." This isn't the first time you've misplaced your phone after a night out. You felt slightly embarrassed about being questioned about your whereabouts last night while wearing only your underwear. Even more, you felt horrible that you worried Shuri so much that she had to travel here to check on you. 

Shuri’s voice pulls you from your thoughts. “Y/N, what do you remember from last night?” She asks, changing the subject, even though you were clearly a little discombobulated. 

“Well,” you rub your temples while trying to recount the events. “I went out to a club in Manhattan, lots of shots, a few pills, and everything else doesn’t matter. I'm home.” Blacking out didn't bother you as long as you weren’t hurt or dead. 

The room was silent. “You called me.” 

The words make your blood run cold, “Oh,” is all you can say. What could have been important enough for you to drunk dial Shuri? 

“Oh.” You repeated as the hazy memories returned. With Shuri in front of you, attempting to restore your recollection of last night, the puzzle pieces begin to fall into place.

I need you to come back right now. 

I love you.

I can’t not love you.

Ironic. You went out for temporary release from your feelings for Shuri and instead ended up confessing. If it weren't for the weight of the situation, you probably would have laughed. 

Thoughts race through your mind as you struggle to find a way to make this right. Denial was the best option. “Whatever…” you start but trail off to find your words. “Whatever it is I said, just forget it. It wasn't me talking. I shouldn’t have drank so much.” 

Shuri shook her head as soon as the words left your mouth, “Don’t insult my intelligence.” She says, narrowing her eyes. “That doesn’t make your words any less true.” 

“I want you to look me in my eyes and tell me, sober.”

“I would have told you if I was sober.” You snapped back. You don’t know why you were upset, but you felt like an idiot. The vulnerability was a nasty feeling, your heart was laid bare, and moments from being broken, you felt the need to defend yourself.

“Why?” Shuri asks with so much sincerity it breaks your heart. 

“Why?” You repeat back. “Because, you’re so good, too good even. I’m used to knowing what I bring to the table for people, money, fame, and popularity. You don’t need any of that. You don’t care for any of that. What could I possibly have to offer you?” Tears blurred your vision and collected at your lashes.

Shuri pushes from the wall, her eyes filled with fire as she approaches you. "Stop doing that." Her order stops you from speaking as she carefully lifts her tattooed hand to your face, forcing you to look at her. "You have this awful habit of shutting down and shutting me out or speaking negatively about yourself."

She continues. “There’s so much depth to you, yet you hold yourself back from what you deserve.” 

Your heart flutters. That is the reason you adore her. She was a steadying presence, reminding you of your worth and letting you know that the world only sees a fragment of who you are. You allowed her in because you always knew you were safe in her care.

You felt secure enough to begin speaking about what you'd been holding back for so long. It wasn't a secret any longer. Shuri knew you loved her and deserved better than a drunken late-night phone call.

Fuck it. 

“I love you,” you confess. “You make me feel so cared for and protected and safe. I don’t know how to handle this. It's all new to me. You don’t have to feel the same way, but.”

You sigh to catch your breath. “I love you. And I don’t want to lose you.” 

Her thumb moves to caress the side of your face. “I wouldn’t be here right now if I didn’t feel the same way.”

“As soon as I heard those drunken words of the woman I love telling me she’s in love with me, I returned to her as fast as possible. I needed to see her beautiful face light up when I told her she’s everything to me.”

The relief you feel hearing those words brings more tears to your eyes. “You love me?” 

Shuri brought her free hand to your waist, embracing you as she whispered, “So much, angel.”

You stare at her, overwhelmed by the adoration you find behind those beautiful brown eyes. She loves you. She loves you and came from Wakanda to confess. 

Before your brain can process what's happening, you rush forward, putting your lips to Shuri's. It’s just a soft press at first. You melted into Shuri because you could now – relief swimming through your veins as you nipped at her bottom lip. 

All you can think is how right it feels to kiss her, to be in her arms. Cliché enough, this is what life is all about. Love, being loved, being in love. Letting go and diving into it, you feel weightless. 

The kiss grows intense as Shuri leans in further. When she kisses you, it's like she's starving. Shuri pressed her way back in, kissing you with a desire that pulled the oxygen from your lungs. You're so desperate that you moan against Shuri's lips as she opens her mouth and passionately kisses you back.

“I had all my meetings pushed back. Unless there's an imminent danger, I’m all yours,” Shuri informs you. You like the sound of that. Shuri lifts you instinctively as you wrap your arms around her neck. You lock your ankles around her waist, gathering her closer and closer, wrapped up in each other. 

You pulled your lips apart to move lower, leaving a trail of kisses from her jawline down to the tattoo on the side of her neck. "Good, 'cause everything I want to do involves you in that bed." You motion to the bed beside you.

As you fall into satin sheets, you cling to her and won't let go. Now that she's yours, nothing could ever come between the two of you.

[treason-and-plot]

My 𝐓𝐨𝐩 𝟐𝟑 𝐒𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 from 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 🎉

I was tagged by the iconic @ice-creamforbreakfast, thank you so much Alexandra! Let the chronologically -ordered spam commence!

Melinda Bradstreet-Fyfe arriving at Georgina and Vinnie's property in her private helicopter. As you do.

2. Vinnie and Georgina's Wedding!

3. Bunty's reaction to the news of Vinnie and Georgina's wedding!

4. Warren the Whale Whisperer catching some rays aboard his luxury cruiser, Seas the Day.

5. My top post for 2023.

6. Rogue accompanying Angus on the piano

7. Georgina the Sceptic oblivious to the kraken devouring a speedboat behind her

8. The spotted sixam, a special bird associated with much superstition and folklore.

9. The first night that Saffy and Connor ever spent together!

10. I really enjoyed creating the facade of the hotel and placing all he taxis etc on the lot. But I kept getting error messages whenever I tried to save. Grrrr!

11. I spent so much time setting up these shots and decorating Harrison's hotel room. But I'm proud of the results.

12. Hotel corridor. I imagine Crystal's heels would sink very deep into the plush carpet irl.@aroundthesims' 'do not disturb' hotel doors were integral to setting the scene.

l3. Sexy fun times

14. lol

15. The scenes in the hotel were so much fun and for once I was able to find the right poses.

16 and 17. Club Mango. I love staging crowd scenes even though they are hell on my poor PC.

18. Roy's impromptu therapy session with Jane.

19. Guess who rang while poor Joël was trying to get baby Alice to sleep?

20. Alice's birthday!

21. The irrepressible Rorg

22. Obligatory scenery shot.

23. First kiss between Connor and Saffron!

Thank you so much my wonderful friends and mutuals for reliving all these moments with me! I would like to tag @oasislandingresident @frostedshore @zosa95 @whyhellosims @neillesimstories @gaiahypothesims @queeniecook and @anamoon63. No pressure of course!

[mrs-monaghan]

I'm a jikooker and I'm done with the narrative change few bloggers here are doing remarks bday because somehow Jimin couldn't meet JK on his bday and they don't wanna accept that. It's exhausting af. Bloggers especially Kanmom already said JK was busy ON THE day of his bday and Mingyu may have met him at company..now that JK already confirmed he didn't went to work and was lying all day, they are changing their narrative to JK being busy on 31st, which he was and Mingyu went to meet him at home. In both cases according to what Jimin said its crystal clear he didn't saw JK on his bday and WHY ARE WE NOT ACCEPTING IT ???? ok, he used to meet JK for all his previous bdays and ? Does that make Jimin not meeting JK for his 2023 bdah impossible? NOPE.

If he saw JK he would've said i saw him yesterday/today (LIKE HE SAID HE COULDN'T MEET JOON FOR HIS LAST BDAY SO HE DOESNT HAVE ANY PROBLEM IN SHARING WHETHER HE MET OR DIDNT MET MEMBERS FOR THEIR BDAYS). But that didn't happened, He spoke to JK on 31st night and that's it, accept it already. Twitter jikookers already accepted it while bloggers here are still writing essays on how Jimin met JK, when we have ZERO evidence. Is Jm meeting JK for bday, the reason yall believe in Jikook? Now if one day JK come live and say he didn't saw Jimin, then what ? Will they change their narratives again???? "Oh I don't see my partner on bday either" "it's not that deep for long term relationship" they will say, as if now they are not dying on the hill to prove Jimin saw JK 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Can I ask why tf this is so important ? I haven't seen Jkkrs being this invested in what JK does for Jimin's bday. Some years he didn't even wished jimin on sm let alone seeing or giving him gifts..so why is it only Jimin held to a high standards ? In 2021 bday live he said his gift is being shipped and Jimin immediately called out for saying things on cam but not actually gifting him anything. Please stop this clownery when we don't have any evidence in Jimin meeting JK on 1st. If anything, as of now it seems like all Jimin did was to call JK on 31st. And that's OK

My question is why the fuck are you so damn angry?? Also you are venting to the wrong blogger 😂😂 because Jikook did see each other and spend time together during JK's birthday. Out of the 30% of what members tell us, they are leaving out 70%

Mans had just dropped one hell of a loud picture then went live on JK's birthday after setting his watch to Jungkook day. I won't hold it against him for not adding spending time with JK ontop of that. It would have been alot. And unfortunately we don't have a Jin to go quiz JK about who did or didn't visit him.

Sorry anon, but I am among the bloggers you are frustrated with. From my knowledge of Jikook, they wouldn't miss each other's birthdays especially since they were both in Seoul during it.

IF JK or Jimin one day come out and say that they weren't together then fine. But as it stands I'm afraid I believe, they kept up their tradition.

Sorry to disappoint

[carsthatnevermadeitetc]

Lamborghini Huracan Sterrato Opera Unica, 2023. A one-off created by Lamborghini's Ad Personam department as part of the company's 60th birthday celebrations. The unique hand-finished crystal-effect paint process is inspired by the vibrant blues of Sardinia's seas and skies. Blu Amnis is used as the first base paint colour and then etched into by hand with a second Blu Grifo paint and a third colour Blu Fedra, in a process taking over 370 hours.

[twstgameplay]

[JP] 3rd Anniversary

March 10th 16:00 - March 24th 23:59 (JST)

Twisted Wonderland's 3rd Anniversary Campaign has begun! With this event, the players are receiving a brand new SR Ceremonial Robes Grim card!

Information found below:

NEW FEATURES

Grim Card Requirements

Stamp Card Info

Shop Info

NEW FEATURES

We'll be getting the following new functions:

Part 1 (Beginning 10 Mar):

Card Limit Break Bonus - As you limit break the cards, you'll gain additional bonuses.

First Limit Break (SSR only): Unlock furniture recipe for a Photo of the card. There are two: Pre- and Post-Groovy. (Min Room Rank of 8 required; Card must be groovified for Post-Groovy Photo) Card Character can interact with the Post-Groovy Photo.

Second Limit Break: Spare Key. Use this to keep a specific card character in your guest room. (Min Room Rank of 12 required; Cannot invite different outfits of the same character)

Third Limit Break (SSR only): Unlock Magic 3. Select two of the three magic options to use in battles.

Fourth Limit Break: HP/ATK Increase, Obtain a new title, and (SSR Only) Card Icon Frame change

Special Lessons / Skip Class - Special Lessons will give more Card Level EXP than usual and can be done 10 times a day. All Other Lessons (History/Flight/Alchemy) will have a Skip Function available and can be skipped 10 times a day.

Guarantee of Rate Up Character on 200th Summon - 200th Summon (2nd Pity) will guarantee the Showcase Rate Up card. In the case of the Permanent Showcase, or a Birthday Showcase (no Rate Up, or only one SSR), the guarantee is still at the 100th Summon. In the case of multiple Rate Ups in one Showcase, the 200th Guaranteed summon will be a random card out of the group of Rate Ups.

Other Changes

The shop layout will change to accommodate descriptions for cards and furniture.

Theme Stickers will be available in the Room Medal Shop.

The wall decoration layout will change to allow wall decorations to be higher or lower.

On the card status screen, the max stats (MLB and Max Friendship) and max magic stats can be seen.

Part 2 (Beginning 16 Mar):

Visiting friends' guest rooms - Visit a friend's guest room and leave a "like." Leaving a "like" will reward you with room medals. "Likes" can be given up to 5 times a day. There will be an option to visit a random guest room.

Change the Guest Room Background Music - BGM can be purchased in the Guest Room BGM Shop. Min Room Rank of 10 required. New BGM may be unlocked as the story is cleared.

Guest Room Character Lines Voiced - The character lines that are spoken during Idle, Invites, etc., will now be voiced.

Other Changes

An increase in drop rates of SSR crystals in the Collect Battles.

Some Collect Battles' difficulties will be adjusted.

The combination of possible reward drops from Collect Battles will be adjusted.

Part 3 (Beginning 18 Mar):

New Cumulative Missions - Missions regarding cards/lessons/exams will be added to the Missions tab.

Added Titles - A new title will be available when 10 cards of a character has been collected.

Grim Card Requirements

Grim is a temporary card and will disappear if you don’t complete some requirements:

Collect 500 Tuna Cans [2023]

Read 「3rd Anniversary」 Event Story Episode 2

The Tuna Can [2023] is an event drop and you can get 1, 2 or 5 randomly by completing lessons (History, Flying or Alchemy). You can see how many you have on the bottom of the Event Page. Left is how many you have right now (so if you spent some, the number is lower), right is how many you have collected until now (this is what you need to make Grim permanent).

To quickly go to Grim’s lessons from the event page, click on the Lesson button on the Main Event page or go all the way to the right on the Lesson Page, right after Diasomnia.

When you click on Grim’s card to level him up, you’ll get a message reminding you that he isn’t permanent yet, so items and madol spent on him will also disappear if you don’t make him permanent in time. Just click the black button to proceed.

One of the missions is to level up one of Grim’s magic to Lv.5 and we suggest you start with his M1 if only to complete the missions faster, because you use Tuna Cans to level up magic and the amount needed for each magic is different. (To level up magic, just click on the 4th tab: 魔法Lv)

Stamp Card Info

On the bottom left of the Event Page you’ll see a Stamp Icon, click there and complete some missions for rewards.

The event ends on the 24th, but the First Stamp Card only goes until the 16th 14:59 (JST), so pay attention to the time limit.

The Second Stamp Card goes until the 24th 14:59 (JST)

Shop Info

In Sam's Shop, you'll find the following shops:

Anniversary Medal Shop

Extra Robe Grim copies will be available in the shop after you collect 500 Tuna Cans and make him permanent.

Anniversary Medals are obtained by pulling/rolling on the Anniversary Showcase. You get 1 medal per roll (10-roll = 10 medals), so you’ll need to roll 100 times to grab that beautiful Anniversary Magical Key and 150 rolls to get the Limited Rerun SSR Magical Key and choose any of the already released Birthday Boy SSRs, Union Birthday SSRs, and Event Rerun SSRs.

Tuna Can Shop

The Event Background will be available in the shop after Mar 18th 0:00 (JST)

Magical Key (Anniversary) Shop

The Magical Key (Anniversary) Shop has a list of all Birthday Boy and Union Birthday SSR Cards. Keep in mind that you can only pick one from the Magical Key (Anniversary) Shop

Magical Key (Limited Run SSR) Shop

The Magical key (Limited Run SSR) Shop has the following Event Rerun SSR cards:

Beans Azul

Groom Ace

Groom Idia

Halloween Cater

Halloween Jade

Halloween Vil

Gala Leona

Stargazer Deuce

Camp Ruggie

Halloween Riddle

Halloween Rook

Halloween Silver

Keep in mind that you can only pick one from the Magical Key (Limited Run SSR) Shop

Anniversary Pack Shop

For 200 Paid Gems, you can get a pack with the following:

1 Magical Key (10-Set)

10 AP Refill L

10 of each elemental Grimoire

20 of each elemental Textbook

100,000 Madol

Gem Shop

Other Anniversary Packs are available in the usual Gem Shop for 50 Gems apiece: