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freindly-neighbourhood-anarchist · 3 years

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☀︎︎-: 𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚍 :-☀︎︎

Kimetsu no yaiba x reader

°•.《 characters 》.•°

Rengoku, Giyuu, Shinobu, Sanemi

Tw: Swearing because Sanemi is Sanemi

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I'm definitely gonna binge write this series after watching the movie, I literally cant stop thinking about it--

Send in as much requests as you want!! :))

I do fluff, different AU's, angst and NSFW(we'll see).

Keep in mind, I havent read the manga. I'm caught up to the train Arc and that's it, so try not to spoil anything by requesting characters that havent appeared yet lol

« `` •"𝐩𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞~"• ´´ »

☼︎ ☀︎︎ʀᴇɴɢᴏᴋᴜ ᴋʏᴏᴜᴊᴜʀᴏᴜ☀︎︎ ☼︎

Holding hands is sort of a need for him-

He's huge with PDA and holding your small hand within his reassures him quite a bit. He never needs to ask to hold your hand, he just grips it whenever and wherever.

I feel like he'll sense when your nervous and be really perceptive, so he'd hold your hand to ground you in a way

It's highly effectve.

"Delicious!" Your energetic boyfriend chirped, eating his takoyaki with fervour and a bright smile.

You ate your own food from across him, shaking your head a little with a slight smile slanting onto your lips.

It's definitely been a long day, so winding down and eating with your amazing boyfriend is definitely a preferable way to end it.

He sort of sensed your stress as you came back from training, sweat sleek across your forehead. And thus, he ran a bath for you and then took you out for dinner to take your mind off of whatever was bothering you.

He's always had a keen intuition and was brilliant at reading emotions on others. It was a weird super power at this point. But he noticed how relaxed you were now that you were with him, it melted his heart.

His eyes flickered over your expression, his eyes soft with adoration and affection." This is certainly calming after a long day!" He exclaimed happily.

At his jolly aura, you nodded in agreement," Honestly... It's like you have some weird superpower to make me forget about whatever was annoying me. Kinda freaky." You shivered.

Letting out a hearty laugh, the man reached out, interlacing his long fingers with yours suddenly. The warmth of his skin sending goosebumps over your arms.

"I just know you too well! Nothing wrong or freaky about that!" His grin was filled with light.

Your fingers tightened around his, his warm skin seemed to be heating up your own body as well. Thank God, you were beginning to get cold anyways.

"Have I ever told you about how cute your hands are!" It was more of a statement than a question, pulling his hand and your hand closer to him so he could get a better glimpse at your soft hands." So tiny... So soft. It's like I'm being touched by an angel!"

"Geez, you're cheesy."

"You love it~!"

"... Fair point."

•«☔︎ 𝙜𝙞𝙮𝙪𝙪 𝙩𝙤𝙢𝙞𝙤𝙠𝙖 ☔︎»•

Bro I'm sorry, but I dont think he holds your hand much-

I feel like he thinks he doesnt need to show how much he loves you through actions, more so through blunt words.

But he will get the sudden urge to hold your hand every once in a while, so be prepared because he could get the jump on you at any point.

Doesnt like PDA that much, it makes him slightly uncomfortable because it's in public but I feel like he would get used to it later in your relationship.

Ocean-blue eyes stared at you hesitantly as you continued to speak about the new breathing technique you had learned.

Both you and Giyuu were walking peacefully through the garden you had grown over the years, the plants varying in different colours and sizes. They reminded him of you.

Your peaceful personality cued him to remember the petals of the flowers blowing gently in the breeze. Not to mention you smell very distinctly and sweet just like the flowers as well.

But as he walked with you in this haven, he felt pretty agitated and frustated. He hid it well with his usual deapan expressions, but he could feel the pit of the emotions growing bigger.

His hand twitched suddenly when the back of yours brushed against his, his cheeks tinting pink at the abrupt contact.

Gulping, he looked straight ahead with sharp eyes and a furrowed brow.

The atmosphere shifted.

And when you had stopped talking, he knew that you had noticed the harsh shift as well.

"Giyuu?... Are you feeling okay? You look like you're burning up." You questioned out of concern, a worried expression upon your face.

Shaking his head briefly, the ravenette continued to walk with his head staring straight ahead," I feel optimal. Why do you ask?" He was so obviously trying to change the subject.

You frowned a little at the stiff response and opened your mouth to respond but your boyfriend had beaten you to it.

"Let me h-... Hold your... Hand... Please." He uttered, looking down with red cheeks, an embarrassed scowl squirmed on his lips.

You were silent for a long while, making him wait nervously for your answer. What he wasn't expecting was the cute snort of laughter coming from you and grabbing his hand tightly within your own, your other hand wrapping around his forearm like it was a substitute teddy bear.

His cheeks heated up tenfold and he had to look away before you noticed.

"You're such a cutie. You don't need to ask to hold my hand you know?" You teased lightly, nudging him playfully by bumping your hip against his.

"I-it's embarrassing." He retorted.

"Whatever, cutie."

"No."

"Yes."

"Stop it."

꧁ꕥ 𝑲𝒐𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒖 𝑺𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒐𝒃𝒖 ꕥ꧂

She would sooo tease you for wanting to hold her hand-

Like, she would hold it obvi, but she'd tease you about it for a good 5 minutes before finally giving up lol

Flustering you is one of her favourite pastimes, it was what your relationship was built on top of in the first place. Teasing eachother was always a thing you guys did.

But Kocho takes teasing to a MAXIMUM.

It's like you guys are challenging eachother to a tease off and she just refuses to loose. She'd rather die.

Dramatic but true

What a fucking queen-

"Ara, ara~ what was that? You want to hold my hand?" The raven haired woman pressed her hand against her lips, raising a suggestive eyebrow at you." Oh~ How scandalous! You're saying we should do pre-martial hand holding? why, that's practically a crime!"

You deadpanned at your girlfriend's words," Holding your hand is a crime?..."

"Mmhm!"

"But we literally made-out yester-"

She smiled at you passive-aggressively," I'm afraid we can't hold hands until we're married! Too bad!" She sighed, pretending to seem devastated ," How could you suggest we do such a lewd thing? In public, no less! You're quite the little scoundrel, hmm?~"

Your deadpan only deepened," Well then... I guess I'll just have to marry you then, hm? So I can hold your hand for the rest of my life." You chimed out, a slight twinkle in your eye. At the sight of Kocho's cheeks tinting a bright red, you smirked in triumph." Oya~? What's that I see? Is that blush?" You poked her warm cheek affectionately," I think it iiiis~!"

Biting her lip, Kocho scoffed and rolled her eyes," Just because you won doesn't mean you-... Shut up." She huffed out, losing her composure.

" Aha! So I won." You grinned out," I think I deserve a prize for winning for like... the first time." You said that last part quickly.

" You're not getting a kiss, if that's what you're referring to!" She smiled up at you passive aggressively.

Now the win didn't even feel like a win.

I guess, Kocho will always win in the end.

You pouted at her, eyebrows furrowed," You're so petty...." You groaned out, before a cheeky grin crossed over your lips," How about letting me hold your hand instead?"

Kocho stared at your grin with an unimpressed look, before her eyes softened and a gentle smile spread onto her perfect lips." Wipe that cheeky grin off of your face and I might consider it."

A bright smile instantly spread onto your lips and you held out your hand expectantly for her to take it. Her radiant smile only widened and her hand settled into yours, her warm fingers closing over your own as if she was keeping them safe in her hold.

" Now you have to marry me." She stated simply," I want to hold your hand in mine for the rest of my life as well."

᯾༄𖦹.𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕘𝕦𝕫𝕒𝕨𝕒 𝕤𝕒𝕟𝕖𝕞𝕚 .𖦹༄᯾

BRUUUUH THIS FUCKING MAN-

Ok, so hear me out lol-

I have read up on his character a tiny bit and bro he's such a fucking SOFTY like-

If you were to ask him to hold your hand he'd highkey have to process what you said for like a minute or two before finally agreeing to it lol

He has such a tough-guy exterior when on the inside he's actually really caring to those who are important to him.

Definitely one of those characters who seem like pricks but they like something cute like cats or something-

"Uhm... Sanemi?" You spoke up suddenly, interrupting the peaceful silence.

Your boyfriend broke out of his daze of appreciating your beauty and hummed to let you know that he was listening, picking up some of his uneaten rice with his chopsticks.

"Can... Can I h-hold your hand?"

He choked on the rice he was eating, coughing into his fist and thumping his other hand against his chest to try and get the rice that shot down the back of his throat to go down.

You went to get out of your chair to help him, concern etched onto your face, but he held a hand up to stop you. Instead, you simply passed your water to him, as of which he chugged greatfully.

When he had finally gained his composure, he held out a slightly trembling hand, his cheeks tinted red as he let out a gruff," yeah... Of course you can, idiot. You don't have to ask..."

Adoration bloomed in your chest at his words and you grabbed his outstretched hand, instantly interlocking your fingers with his. Absentmindedly, you ran your thumb up and down his hand comfortingly as you smiled like an idiot to yourself.

Ba-dump.

Sanemi's heart thumped in his chest at the look of love on your face, feeling his whole body heating up. The wind pillar was known for being ruthless, intimidating and quite frankly... A bit of an asshole.

But around you? He's a completely different person.

Between you and his little brother, he's always going to have a huge soft spot for you both.

So he'll always treat you well.

Squeezing your hand lovingly, he let a slight smirk curl onto his lips," You look like a dumbass smiling like that.... You must really like me, huh?" He tried to tease.

"I don't like you."

Arrows shot through his heart, his smirk dropping in an instant," Oi-!"

You giggled at his response," I love you."

The frown on his lips wobbled a little, threatening to break out into an idiotic smile. Clearing his throat, he looked away from you and pressed the back of his unoccupied hand against his mouth to hide the smile that threatened to appear.

"Oh..." He could only respond with," y-yeah... Same here."

"You're so socially inept."

"I'm damn not!!" He grumbled, eyebrows furrowing," I fucking love you too!! Is that better?"

You grinned childishly, bringing his hand up to your mouth and placing a light kiss to it," much better."

It's safe to say that this was the day he vowed to marry you.

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michaels-reality · 3 years

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jsaghka whats wrong with ok ko?

Okay so I will spoil the whole main plot of the series with it but there are 3 main problems I’m gonna get into with this series and it’s problems with character design, jokes on child neglect, and ableism with system caricatures. And this is coming from someone who enjoys the show before anyone thinks I’m just hating to hate on it. But again, these issues are so big for me that I would not recommend this show to anyone skjhskjf.

1. Issues with character design

Alright, so first off, please look at this picture of the majority of the women of the show and tell me what’s wrong with it?

Yeah! Almost all of them have the exact same body type! I’ve seen people praise ok ko with its diverse character design but if you boil it down, almost all the women have the same cinched waist and big hips. And for the characters the characters that do have different body types, it's almost unfair to compare them to the rest of the characters, like you can’t compare Carol to Rippy Roo because Rippy Roo is an actual animal. And you can’t compare Dendy to Enid, because Dendy is a child and Enid is a teenager. And for the Ladies that have an actual difference in body type, that’s like 6 characters out of how many? And to those characters that have different body types, the Hue Troops only show up for 2 episodes and even then the main focus isn’t on them so they barely get any screen time, Punching Trudy shows up for one episode to fight Punching Judy, Pheobe shows up for 7 episodes but she’s a background character and I don’t ever remember her speaking, and then there’s Foxtail. Foxtail is probably the only female character that has a different body type that has an important role in the story and shows up for more than just background appearances.

Compared to the men in the show, there is way more diversity but even then, there is a lot of making the upper half of them bigger and giving them tiny hips and legs.

There is also the issue that kinda pisses me off is the racial ambiguity of everyone. Like most of the characters aren’t even human so whatever, but there are characters like enid that have darker skin but she has straight purple hair so what are we supposed to get from that? I mean, I guess there is some wiggle room for anyone that isn’t white to claim her but then you start to see that all these darker skinned characters seem to always have straight hair and that’s also a problem. The only character I can confidently say is black is foxtail and she has straight hair. And the only character that is said to have curls and an afro is RADICLES who is BLUE and an ALIEN! Like it makes me mad that our curly haired and black coded character is designed like this. Like, I get it, he’s an alien, he’s blue, he’s not human, BUT WHY DID HE HAVE TO BE THE ONLY ONE? WHY CAN’T THERE BE ANOTHER CHARACTER WHO IS DARKER SKINNED AND CURLY HAIRED?

It’s so ironic given that ok ko has one of the BEST racism metaphors I’ve ever seen in episode 28. Dendy says kappas don’t need pow cards to be heros but it feels nice to be appreciated but this show is not making me feel very appreciated right now sjglksjgds.

2. Jokes about child neglect/abuse

OKAY! BOXMAN! I LOVE BOXMAN BUT WHAT THE FUCK?

Okay, so in the show, Lord Boxman has robot minions that he is constantly annoyed with the performance of and punishes them and yells at them. AND I WOULDN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS IF BOXMAN DIDN’T REFER TO THEM AS HIS CHILDREN! It’s shown in the show that Boxman raised them as baby robots and they call him daddy and they have a very familial relationship. But it’s constantly joked about with Boxman saying how they never make him proud not taken seriously in the show. Like, in the second episode, one of the first things we see Boxman do is put Darrel in the furnace and Darrel says “I deserve this” BUT DON’T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY CUS DARREL IS A ROBOT AND HE’S BACK 2 SECONDS LATER! The robots get emotional over any sense of approval, like at the end of “Villains Night In” Darrel and Shannon literally fall apart after Boxman gives them shirts and says to “keep up the good work”, and the end of Plazalypmics, Darrel, Shannon, and Raymond get participation trophies and are really happy with that. Like, this isn’t normal.

The whole relationship between the robots and Boxman is actually pretty toxic and kind of bothers me sometimes. The robots seem to have a very intense sibling rivalry but it’s over the affection of Boxman, which is unhealthy but most of the time it’s just played off as funny joke for the tv. And it becomes even more apparent because episodes without Boxman, like Rad likes robots, it shows them getting along fine and even worrying about each other. And in season 2, Boxman comes back from the sun and Darrel stands up to him and says he doesn’t need him anymore, but one “I’m proud of you” from Boxman and Darrel is back to wanting his approval. LIKE ITS ALMOST NEVER FRAMED AS A BAD THING OR TAKEN SERIOUSLY! I AM NOT A FAN OF HOW THEY TREAT THIS! Like, I can admit it gets better after Venomous comes into the picture and Boxman has that realization of “oh I should be proud of my kids achievements” but to me it looks like this whole forgiving your abuser plot line and I fucking hate it! And Boxman still admits to incinerating his robots after the company switches over to his and Venomous’ ownership when discussing what to do to punish them and he says “I usually see improvement in my robots after I incinerate them.”

And even if it got better, it’s still played off as a joke in all of season one and normalizes terrible behavior. Child neglect in tv shows, especially in children’s media, played off jokes and funny are never good and can be insensitive to children who are in these situations seeing it played up for laughs. You can argue that being on the villain’s side frames it as a bad thing but that kinda loses meaning in a show like ok ko where you start to see the villains as regular people and not necessarily bad, just “evil”. I just feel like this could have been treated so much better and not trivialized like this.

3. System Caricatures and ableism

Let me start off by saying, I am a singlet and I don’t have as much authority on this type of thing so feel free to correct me on anything I get wrong or add on in anyway.

With that said, KO and TKO along with Shadowy Figure and Professor Venomous are terrible system caricatures. KO is 6-11 years old is prime age to develop a system, so when shadowy figure comes into KO’s life and traumatizes him, he splits. And so we begin our little “evil alter ego”(quoting the show! using this phrasing is terrible and should never describe a system like that) stereotype.

I’ve talked about OK KO with my friends who are systems and it makes them mad that this show had so many moments to be good system rep and then it turns around and fucks everything up! Like TKO could have been written well. TKO is very clear on stating he isn’t KO and is his own person but everyone still refers to him KO and treats him like a bad thing because he isn’t KO. And when TKO acts out due to being referred to as KO and rightfully being upset, they act like it is some evil act against them and they need KO back! Like, the show misses its own point so much!!! If they treated TKO like a person (which he is!!!!!) then half the problems they have wouldn’t be a problem in the first place. And TKO has done nothing wrong other than wanting to front! KO even talks about TKO as another person but they address him as such!

The way people talk about TKO in this show makes me so mad, like when Dendy does tests on KO in “Mystery Science Fair 201X” to bring out TKO, TKO finally comes out to deal with the feelings KO can’t deal with and then they almost do it right when Dendy realizes she was the one that fucked up and then SHE APOLOGIZES TO KO INSTEAD OF TKO FSDGHSDFJ!!! And they always treat TKO as a threat as if he’s a danger! Like TKO’s a kid just like KO and acted out when the people around him upset him! Like a kid! And the last time TKO shows up in season one in the finale, TKO actually SAVES everyone in the plaza and leads the battle away from the plaza but because “oh but TKO is the evil” they go and try to stop him from saving them? Like yeah he got a little reckless but he only ended up hurting people in the plaza when Rad and Enid interfered. They treat him like a problem because they MAKE him a problem!

Also, the moments where everyone tries to bring KO back by saying “you are loved” and all that, that’s actually really manipulative! Like, they’re using positive triggers to kick TKO out of front and that’s actually a really rude thing to do. They’re trying to bring to front who THEY want to see and it’s not fair to TKO who is fronting. It also goes the other way around when Dendy is experimenting on TKO to try and get him to front.

And then even KO treats him terribly, locking him in a cage, then keeping him in his head all the time, and then when he finally lets TKO out and TKO acts out from being locked in his own head for so long, KO then traps TKO in his subconscious. Which is terrible! TKO should be allowed to front and should be treated like his own person! It’s so weird how the show almost gets it right but then does shit like this that makes it terrible again. Like KO has a headspace and he creates things in his headspace and he talks to TKO like another person and they communicate their feelings but then the show turns this all on their head when KO locks TKO away and blames him for destroying everything when he’s the one trapping him in his brain.

There is also the problem with TKO being the one with all the power and changing his appearance cus that all contributes to the system caricature. Also, TKO and KO integrating at the end of the series? ALSO VERY BAD AND HARMFUL CARICATURE! Alters are different people and they should be treated as different people and KO is not TKO all along THEY ARE DIFFERENT PEOPLE! And integration is possible but it’s usually not by choice. And even then, integration being the end goal of a story is a very ableist narrative and shouldn’t be written.

And it confuses me, why does shadowy figure have his own pow card but TKO doesn’t. Like, KO and TKO are established more as being different people than Shadowy Figure and Venomous so why doesn’t he get his own pow card? Like the end of season one, TKO fought the fight at the plaza and used his power to defeat Boxman jr but at the end KO ends up leveling up instead. And on the topic of TKO’s power, again, that shouldn’t be a thing. TKO and KO should both have access to the same power because they use the same body because that's how systems work! They use the same body!

And I know what the show was trying to do like “oh TKO is a manifestation of all the bad feelings that KO has!” but there are so many ways to do that without making a caricature of systems. Like if you didn’t make TKO a person then this would have been fine. Like if other people didn’t see TKO this could have been fine. There are ways to make a manifestation of your negative emotions without doing it like this. And the way this show did it is such bad writing, because you are meant to think TKO is this terrible manifestation of emotions but all you see is this scared kid who doesn’t know where he is and lashes out when he gets rightfully upset. BECAUSE LET ME REMIND YOU! TKO AND KO ARE BOTH 6-11 YEARS OLD! THEY ARE KIDS! THEY’RE SITUATION SHOULDN’T BE TREATED THIS WAY

And my guy shadowy figure...... bad. Shadowy Figure and Venomous’ is not only a terrible caricature but also very inaccurate. With KO and TKO, their system developed at the correct time as a child, but with Shadowy Figure and Venomous, they developed after Venomous got his snake disease. And, Venomous doesn’t even know about Shadowy Figure and that can be a result of dissociative amnesia but it’s really unfortunate. And again! the end of the series! Shadowy Figure and Venomous integrate into one entity and it’s terrible! Because they aren’t the same person and shouldn’t be treated as the same person! And again with the whole “evil alter ego”. Like Shadowy figure only exists to traumatize KO and make him split and create TKO. And the fact that they turn out to be KO’s dad??? Yikes??? Like again, these are terrible caricatures and are harmful to systems and should’ve been treated better in the show.

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Like, I love OK KO, I used to hold this show very close to my heart and made me very happy to see this show with the amount of LGBT rep but looking back it was very bad in many ways. Like that racism episode I mentioned, that shit resonates with me! And I appreciate characters like Dendy and KO and I still love the boxbots and venomous, I just wished this show lived up to the potential that it had.

TL;DR: OK KO has a problem with misogynistic character design and colorism, normalizes child neglect, and has put out an ableist narrative with system caricatures.

#long post #racism m #colorism m #misogny m #ableism m #ok ko #malware-rants #intergration m

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smugraccoon137 · 3 years

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Supergirl Season 2 episode 8 Medusa review part 2

If your curious part 1 was just my breakdown of Kara and Mon-els relationship that got way too long. But as always SPOILERS AND GAY THOUGHTS AHEAD

Me and kel get so excited when Lenas in an episode. Like practically giddy. I can’t help smiling when shes on screen honestly. And yes Katie McGrath is beautiful, but beyond that such a pretty smile and lovely voice. I’m sure ratings started to spike when she joined the cast. Okay enough about pretty girls on to the review

Tipsy fucking Alex though guys I can’t get over this mess of a person.

Alex: if I have to come out to my mom then I choose to do it drunk

Kara: no your not *yoinks beer*

Alex: wait no my coming out juice

Kara Danvers sneaky sneaker extraordinaire can totally interview Lena and find out Cadmus things without anyone knowing. The confidence this goofball has is top tier

Underrated relationship: Alex and Winn though. I really really love Winn and honestly Alex is such big sister energy to both him and Kara.

wow Lenas pretty in the interview scene. A touch of auburn hair from the sunlight really makes this shot and we never get to see her with her hair down. Fan service honestly, or maybe she heard a certain beef cake reporter was gonna come by and wanted to dazzel her.

Lena: hair up is for business. Hair down is for flirting friendship time with Kara

Poor baby thinks she falls short nooooo. Your doing your best godamn your only like 25 jesus. Kara give her a hug she needs love and affection

Kara thinks shes being so sneaky in this interview. Such a golden retriever, bad at sneakin. As soon as she toes the line Lena catches on and kicks her out. Really good acting in the scene, the subtle change in expression to show Lenas guard raising. Good job Katie.

Real quick Lena why is your office so ugly? How do you keep it clean? You spend 99% of your days in this place and its whiter than a hospital room. I hate it. Why is your desk an oval? and why does it have a hole in it? Kara cant eat you out in secret anymore damn.

OOHHHhhhh noooo the fucking gas bomb in the bar what the fuck. EVERYBODIES DEAD JESUS WHAT WAS THAT

Poor Mon-el. What happened at the bar was fucked up, and he feels like its fault when its obviously not.

Love that he and Kara are having bro time playing some Monopoly. Oh no not Kara asking if he likes her. Honestly thought these two had good chemistry in this scene. Im a sucker for dumbass not understanding certain words and phrases. So Kara having to reiterate her questions and finally being like “You don’t want to mate with me do you?” was super fun. Omegaverse vibes mfs. Although I am confused by mon-els reaction “I mean have you seen the kind of women I’ve been attracting?” I honestly don’t know what this means.

Kara internal reaction though: Oh thank god

Wow Kara really just has no regard for her own life, huh? she just opens the door and possibly contaminates herself. It’s good to want to help people, but love you gotta care about yourself too

Good reveal with the fortress of solitude. Oof Kara gonna feel like its her fault all those aliens died and mon-els sick. They do a really good job of showing Karas relationship with her parents through their holograms. She wants so badly to see them again, to talk to them. And she can, but not really. They just aren’t real.

Lena cattily to her mother: im used to celebrating holiday weekends alone at my desk

me to Kara: please invite her to thanksgiving

Okay so Lena being adopted is another interesting parallel to Kara. Also the fact that both Kara and Lena fall into there families shadows, and are left behhind or forgotten. Really interesting how Lena and Karas relationship is so similar to Clark and Lex’s for obvious purposes. Though the CW queer coding the fuck out of their relationship in Smallville really only adds to Supercorp fever. Its always been Homoerotic subtext Harold!

Me watching Lena and Lillian trade verbal blows: Wow ya’lls relationship is fucked up. Lex and Lionelle would spar and fence but you two are on another level jesus

oooooof that last line.

Lena: I know your lying

Lillian: and how could you possibly know that?

Lena: because you told me you loved me. And we both know thats not true

Who wrote this jesus fuck my heart. The PAIN.

Bonus thought Lena thinks Karas smart. Goofball beefcake sneaky sneakster who doesnt know the difference between flirting and friendship is smart she thinks. I love these idiots

Wow Kara just doesn’t wait huh? Oh cadmus is going to be at LCorp? Not on my watch. Lena’s there. I know this because I tune into her heart beat just to check on her cus she likes to work late. Don’t worry Alex it’s for friendship reasons.

That LCorp security guard got princess carried for .2 seconds. Best moment of his life.

God its like dark out. Lenas working on a holiday weekend into the night. I hate this, give her friends.

Lena looks so scared when Kara gets thrown into the giant LCorp sign

And then hurt Kara looking up at her with dread.

Kara internal: fuck don’t come out now. I came here to save you

God I love the protectiveness. Its *chefs kiss*. Hank throwing the beam at Lena and Kara even in her hurt state throwing herself in front of it. Sometimes self sacrifice is gay. But how Lena looks at her after wards like “I can’t believe I’m alive. I can’t believe she chose to save me”. Met with a gruff “Get out of here!”. mm yes this is my kind of content. Fight for me.

I was robbed an aftercare scene but I doubt it will be the last time. (*COUGHS* the “im leaving” phone call *COUGHS*)

Talking about the virus Eliza: what about Lena Luthor?

Kara: What about her?! (super defensive is also a super power maam)

Winn: Luthors can be pretty good actors

Kara: No, I looked into LENAS EYES. She doesn’t know anything about cadmus or her mother

J’onzz: Would you stake Mon-els life on that?

well I guess that really puts Lena and Mon-el right next to each other in priorities huh? Which one is more important?

Wow Lena totally has a crush on Supergirl after that. Flustered dork.

Lena: *laughs nervously* you know that doors not really an entrance

Kara: *upsettit stone face pupper*

Lena: :,)

Okay but the way Lena just says “Anything” all breathless and helpful when Kara says she needs her help. Shes crushin hard

Kara tells Lena her mother is in charge of Cadmus.

Lena: >:(

Annnd the crush is dead. That did not last long. Really love that Lena has such a different relationship with Kara vs Supergirl though, good dynamic having her reactions so different. Which I believe actually relates as a Clark and Lois parallel? Seeing as how Lois has two separate relationships with Clark and Superman.

OOf the way Lenas throat bobs with genuine sadness because who she thought Supergirl was is wrong. Shes just like the rest of them. Thinks Lena is just another crazy Luthor. It hurts

Kara: I know what its like to be disillusioned by our parents, but Im a pretty good judge of character, and you are not like your mother. She is cold and dangerous. And you are too good and too smart to follow in her path. Be your own Hero.

Wow just what a good line. They are capable of some things here and there arent they? Melissa's delivery on this is excellent. And the way Katie McGrath is able to show such depth of sadness and bitterness even from a shot of her BACK is really cool. Great acting in this scene in particular. And I can see why the “desperation to be good” is such a highlighted part of these two relationship. Its the one thing in common between Lena and Supergirl, the place where they can meet in the middle. And the way Lena looks after her as she leaves! AHHH thats the good shit, the pining

Okay big Mon-el scene in coming so if you dont want to hear my ranting skip over this part.

Funny how as soon as Kara has this big impactful scene with Lena full of tension and emotion the writers were like: shit we almost forgot Mon-els dying.

Kara: *staring sadly back into Lenas office kind of wanting to go back in*

Writers: *cough cough* KARA He’s DYINGGGG

Kara: Oh shit right. Mon-el Oh no. My *looks at poorly written handwriting on her palm* romantic interest?

Wow Mon-el looks like shit, poor guy. Someone swaddle this pillow princess and get him some soup.

Heres a question. Kara is visibly upset that Mon-el is dying. Is it because she’s sad that the guy shes likes is dying. Because her friend is dying? Because her father created the virus thats killing him (what the writers want us to think)? Or because no matter what Kara does the people she loves keep falling through the cracks and shes helpless to stop it?

Her parents. Clark. Her adoptive father. Now Lena. Now Mon-el. Why can’t she ever do anything? Why is it always her fault? This poor kid has some deep seeded abandonment issues

Mon-el: you know you look beautiful with the weight of all these worlds on your shoulders.

I do remember my reaction here, cus I thought this was a weird line. A line that was obviously meant to be romantic and complimentary, but it felt unsettled in my stomach. Coming back and watching the scene it sits even more uncomfortably there. He obviously means well, but this line is kind of just shitty. Its a very selfish and unthoughtful thing to say to someone.

Kara’s entire fucking life has revolved around other people and making sure they are happy and taken care of. But having “failed” at such a young age to do the impossible things asked of her (carrying on Kryptons legacy, raising Clark) she overcompensates. Any normal person would just make their life revolve around their family and friends, not healthy but it works. But Kara feels responsibility over an entire world of lost people and lives. So the amount she overcompensates is ungodly. She does have the weight of worlds on her shoulders. This is not a joke or hyperbole. Its just her life. And thats so fucking shitty. And to have someone actually see that and acknowledge it. To make it a reality so to speak. Then to have them say “yeah you look good like this” while you’re a shaking Atlas being crushed. It is just a little too much isn’t it? That pain to have someone see you finally, and then completely miss the point. For them to go “oh wow your so strong. your so brave” instead of “let me help you. you shouldn’t have to do this at all, forget by yourself. But now I am here”.

I imagine this was the scene that crowned my darling himbo boy Mon-Hell? Which is so unfortunate. I hope Im wrong, but I feel that his character might just end up a big missed opportunity

I want everyone to know that me and Kel screamed through the entire enxt few seconds of the scene. We knew the kiss was coming from how they were building it up. But god was it painful, especially for it to be delivered after a line like THAT. But yeah very loud angry screaming

Also not to be that bitch but Kara and Mon-els scene was a total of 1:53 RT, and Kara and Lenas ran at a 1:57 RT. Just sayin...

No Lena don’t be evil thats too sexy...

Okay but the way that Lena just tricks Lillian is so good. Shes so clever. And added bonus she makes her ask for her help, which is nice actually. Lillian's obvious vice is weakness and that is often shown in embarrassment. A woman like this asking for help borders that line of weakness and its nice to see on such a dislikable character. Lena didn’t just get what she wanted she got a point over her mother.

Lena looks good in the purple coat. Repeat she is pretty

Love the mental chess game between Lena and Lillian. Lena offering help right off the bat and giving her the isotope free of charge. And then Lillian making Lena launch the virus to prove herself. Good stuff.

Kara appears: don’t do it Lena!

Lena: why not? im a luthor

Okay so obviously Lena switched the Isotope and the Virus won’t work. But thats what makes this line so perfect. Throwing it back in Supergirls face. Like “Yeah, Im a luthor. And Ill show you what im capable of.” But instead of mass death and destruction Lena saves the day. She saved thousands of lives, and its because shes a Luthor that she was able to do that. Really nice way to full circle that

Wow Lillian really just starts booking it without Lena, huh? bitch

I really love the scene of the virus falling all around National City. The choice of an orangish snow falling was a really really good one. Paired with some excellent music for the mid season finale.

Its sad but I do love Hank just being ready and at peace with death. Im sure he misses his wife and daughters.

Okay but Lena calling the cops is tea. Send your mom to jail honey.

So we’re really not gonna talk about how Lena saved everyones asses? Like don’t you think Supergirl would want to talk to the woman that A) kind of tricked her, and B) saved National City. Thats just what makes sense??? But no we’re going to ignore that the DEO is a kind of shit at their job sometimes. And that the woman that they were accusing of having a part to play in all the xenophobic shit is the one who did their job. BY HER SELF.

Okay rant over. This was a long one review dear god. Really really good episode though. I enjoyed rewatching all the scenes even if it was a mixed bag of feelings. Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed all the screaming!

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ordinary-funky-feline-type · 3 years

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Cw r-18/drugs || ill post a second post with more sketches that didnt fit here!!

TLDR: fart-brained guyses who escape their realities by hangin out in abandoned places naked and intoxicated. OFF TO THE RANT NOW:

oh, my. I dont think ive talked about my DBD Legión!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! These ideas and drawings are a few months old, but still pretty relevant. I don't remember all, but I'll rant a bit about them before I completely forget. I dont know how to start, i guess ill go with susie first. I like to depict her as decrepit and dying. Her diet consists of cigarettes and all kinds of drugs. (she’s the pink haired one in case you dont know about dbd!!). She has a cute dick. She probably wears wigs cus her hair is all weak and decaying, if she were to dye it, it would probably fall off and die. Joey, is he goth? I dont know what makes something goth, but he probably is. He’s my cam boi!1 He’s gay, although he has a crush on julie (see below). Speaking of julie and joey, they are the least developed ones cus i was too busy designing susie. joey’s face is inspired on jpegmafia’s. Julie. shes’ a skinhead!! She probably dyes her hair… but i dont know about that. maybe she IS actually a redhead, i dont know. I like to think she’s butch, but once again im not actually sure of what would make someone a butch. as stated in one of the drawings, she goes tits out 24/7 (well, at least when she’s hangin out with her friends in their safe little environment ). She spends a lot of time on her phone and she sends nudes a lot. She soft, i love her a lot. Frank, i think i have developed a lot of thoughts about him. Susie and him are very close, probably childhood friends? soul siblings? he really clings onto her. If ghostie exists in this universe, he has a onesided crush on him (ghostie ni le da cabida). I dont care much about sexualities but he definitely wants to top… except with susie, i cant imagine him topping susie (or rather i cant imagine susie bottoming). He’s horny and dumb, and pretty confused… he doesnt really understand much about himself, or others for that matter, and he doesnt really try. Frank cries a lot, or at least i imagine him crying a lot, i dont know how that would actually work in-universe. Maybe he’s the oldest of the bunch, but they might all be around the same age.. I dont know, indecisive (edit: i just remembered that i used to imagine that he was actually the youngest one, so i dont fucking know. Actually now that i think about it, i like susie being the oldest one. or maybe joey...)

I made emphasis on the fact that susie’s diet consists on drugs and cigarettes, but actually they all share that habit to different (and probably healthier) extents! are they murderers in this au/version/thing of mine? who knows, maybe not yet. When i think of them, i focus on their feelings and complex relations, i dont really care about the -actual- situations they go through. I also got a few thoughts about their sexualities and such, but they dont actually matter much because 1) we never actually see them interact with any other characters other than them. And 2) they all make exceptions for each other. So joey is gay and bottom, but… i mean who cares, all laws of physics BREAK with this group. The 4 of them have emotional bonds with one another that go beyond labels. Joey can be gay and still have a crush on julie. tho probably he only fucked with frank... They are all just a close and happy family, how nice. orgies happen a lot, or just like, casual sex while they are laying on the sofa watching tv. Maybe they dont even touch, they are just naked watching the tv. Sometimes susie gets invited to the joey’s camboi show tho! I actually have an unfinished drawing of that that i plan to finish About the story… ugjhifgufuifd i have like a lot of concepts in my head that i find difficult to write out into words, fantasising in my head is much easier. Hmmm but basically… well, there isnt much story. I think i had some baccstories tho? So lemme try to remember that. Hmm i think frank doesnt have a dad. He and susie met as kidz (was susie trans already then? dont know dont care. Maybe it doesnt matter at all in this world). They always had like sort of romantic feelings for each other, but they also grew up quite close, so those feelings are mixed with fraternal ones. I also thought that maybe they are actual siblings, so whatever their origins are, the important part is the fraternal bond + the romance and sexuality = emotional vulnerability and complete mess. And thats only the beginning cus then they meet julie and joey and everything gets amplified!! Speakin of july.. I have feelings about her childhood that ive no idea how they would actually translate to actual scenarios lkdsjgkjnsdlsangj. An important thing to point out tho is that she has somewhat “:-3” energy a lot of times (NOT PERMANENTLY THO!!!). Anyways, she was probably quite different as a child. she’s quite chill in present times, but she was a wild kid, with constant “>:-P” energy. she’s always been a rebel… old parental figures? big family? berhaps. she’s a bottom butch lesbian, soft julie.. I love butch lesbians!!!!!! maybe she ran away from home, she might be the most independent of them 4, but i dont know, i feel like she’s still a baby inside, maybe she just looks like the most adult of them on the outside. I dont know how she meets joey, but they are close and quite similar in some ways. they have like this silent understanding. I also dont know how they met susie and frank, but i imagine the group was formed when they were teens? i have very vivid thoughts of settings, places, feels. Like they all live in shitty environments and probably had shit education and baccgrounds. They are all lost kids with not much sense of direction in their lives and they do shit that they shouldnt. They have their own house thingy where they hang out, which is where my thoughts take place the most (this concept gives me sort of FLCL vibes¿). Also, okay okay, you know how i imagine frank and susie as being very close since they were kids? I actually dont imagine them sharing the same environment most of the time. So, they probably didnt go to the same school (maybe susie didnt go to school at all). Maybe susie is a bit older than frank, so they were in different classes? I like both ideas. Okay, im getting somewhere, mentally. I like the idea that when they hang out they escape their usual environment. Maybe julie didnt ran away from home, its just that we dont see her at home cus the story focuses on their moments together XDD oh wait fuck, im really loving this idea. Maybe we just dont know what the hell is actually going on with susie’s life, she might be kind of a mystery, maybe thats because we see the story from frank’s pov? Whos completely oblivious of his surroundings? Im not sure. So this solves many internal conflicts i had with the setting… im having a very good time right now. Oh my, im back to ranting at 3 am for actual hours about my charas, and it feels too good… its 5 am now

I realise i waste too much time trying to figure out the technical details while the magic is happening elsewhere. I WANT TO KEEP ON RANTING!! But i need to organise my thoughts and draw a bit, or else ill have a seizure. Im so tired, i cant re-read this whole thing anymore, its been too many re-reads!! Probably none of this makes sense because my thoughts are scattered and all over the place. Thank you for reading if you got this far, it means a lot

#legión #dbd legion #rant #sketches

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ursoself-satisfying · 5 years

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All Things Must Pass

this was a request!!! hes so young here wow

Joe Mazzello x F!Reader, sad/comfort fluff

A/N: i have so little time to write this was a struggle,,, i projected a lot onto this fic, using the language i use when im in a negative headspace n such so i hope it doesnt thro anyone off,,, i went thru a lot of what i felt then wrote that cus i deal w mental health issues n tried to portray what i go thru in a semi-accurate way but not one so specific its not readable u kno??? y'all that peep my references here tho get bonus points

Warnings: none rly,,, its kinda vague n sad like dealing w not discussing whats wrong n such,,,,, nothing bad tho,, not even any language wow!!! jk one language wh00ps

The warm mug in your hand didn’t improve your mood. The steam of the drink drifted up from the contents and swirled in intricate patterns near your face. You pursed your chapped lips and blinked your drying eyes. A feeling had been swelling in you for days, but you couldn’t quite identify it yet. With soft blankets curled around you and your body folded up on the couch, you pondered it again. This wasn’t an unfamiliar experience. It had been happening for years. The bite of the sharp night air bled through a crack in your draping covers and you shivered, conserving your heat by pulling further into yourself. Though familiar, this state you were in was anything but comfortable. Even if you really were comfortable like this, you wouldn’t have wanted to admit it.

The kitchen light was the only thing shining through the apartment. It wasn’t your apartment, no. This wave had to come crashing down on you when you were far from the safety of your home. This apartment was safe It belonged to your boyfriend and he made you feel safe, but he wasn’t there right now. It was just you and the sound of minuscule little droplets of rain pattering against the window. The street lights made the storm seem like a glitter against the glass, reflecting back the business of the night.

You couldn’t remember the last time you felt like this, but you had to remember it was ok not to be ok sometimes. “We naturally go through emotional highs and lows, everyone does,” she told you, “it doesn’t mean you’re broken if you feel bad- it means you're human.” ‘Remeber that,’ you'd thought, ‘remember it’s ok. You’re ok.’

Your drink smelled sweet and a little burnt. You breathed in the warmth wafting from it before slowly and cautiously tipping the cup to your lips. A hiss escaped your lips at the still scalding temperature colliding with your raw skin and you sighed. Your love of the cold weather had betrayed you and left you weak. The entire situation was stressful and tiring, and you’d cry if you could but for some horrible reason you just couldn’t.

Your mind struggled to focus on one thing at a time that had led to your current emotions but it mostly focused on the bad. Your mind was foggy and muddled and insisted on making a mental list of all the reasons your life was the absolute worst in this very moment. ‘Perhaps,’ you reasoned, ‘if I identify what's wrong, I can fix it.’

You were far from home. New York City was scary and big and loud and dirty and new to you. This was exciting and terrifying at the same time. You wanted to see everything, and Joe wanted to show it all to you, but of course, he still had work things and you were left alone. You only had so much time there and even less time with him. There was never any way you could have fit in every important place you wanted to see into the few precious hours you could share.

That led into your second reason, which was that you just desperately missed Joe. He hadn’t wanted to leave you alone, but duty does call and he had to answer. “I love you, ok? I’m so sorry, I- I wish I could have planned for this but-”

“You couldn’t have known! It’s ok,” You’d smiled at him and he kissed you before he left. Every morning and every night and every time he had the chance, he kissed you. God, it gave you life. His face just seemed to fit into your so perfectly, like your hands were molded against his cheeks. You closed your eyes and could almost feel him there with you, his warmth keeping you sane, but when you opened your eyes, he was gone.

Maybe the third reason was that your relationship was fairly new and you were insecure in the commitment for a number of reasons- or maybe it’s just that the holiday season was upon you and that ‘seasonal depression’ was hitting you hard. There was so much to do, so much to not miss out on, and so little time to relax and actually enjoy this time of year. Joe hadn’t managed to decorate for anything yet and had actually planned to do so with you, but it didn’t look like you’d have the chance to now. There were no lights up anywhere, no festive knick-knacks up on the shelves, nothing.

‘Or maybe,’ you thought, ‘it’s not seasonal, it’s just me.’ This was a turning point and you were scared. Joe had never seen you in such a deep, naturally dark headspace before, and you had little explanation for it. There was no one thing you could blame for the way you felt. It was just- Everything. A vague yet overwhelming anxiety rolled through you that made your guts feel like they’d turned to sawdust and were swirling around inside you like you were the floor of some horrible workshop.

The lighter side of your mind spoke up, ‘Maybe that’s not such a bad comparison, I mean, you are a workshop, always tinkering, changing, evolving. You are a human bent on self-improvement. Recovery,’ the voice reminded, ‘is not linear.’

“But any step forward is a good step,” you said out loud.

“What’s that from?”

“Holy fuckin’ sh-!” Your entire body jolted violently at the surprise of the response and your drink sloshed over the sides of your mug, spilling all over your blanket. Thankfully, it was no longer hot. “God, what a- what a waste of a good cup of-” Your curses trailed off into angry murmurs and you stood before looking over at Joe standing in the entryway looking equally as startled.

He’d just come back from a meeting with a potential director for an upcoming film to be met with his girlfriend completely spaced out on the couch. She’d been sitting there for several minutes without knowing he’d come in. When he spoke and surprised her, he jumped nearly as much as she did. He went over to help her clean up the spilled drink with a soft, sorry expression. She’d already gotten up, though, and shuffled to the kitchen without really acknowledging him. Something about the situation made Joe feel sick and guilty. “I’m so sorry. I, uh,” he paused and breathed a laugh as he picked up a pillow slipping off the couch and looked at the form that had moved into the kitchen, placing the empty cup on the counter with a soft click of ceramic against marble.

His breath hitched and he forgot whatever it was he’d intended to say to her. She was cast in odd shadows from the lights of the streetlamps inside combatting with the yellow glow of from above the stove. The scene carried none of the normally blissfull air his lover had. It was sharp and contrasting, like the set of an old expressionist film. He thought she would look fit beside the likes of Nosferatu, her in her cloak of covers and tussled hair barely emerging from the makeshift hood that supported her neck. The way she’d cocooned herself reminded him of a lost child standing alone in the cold, one no passing stranger would stop to notice.

It was silent for a moment as the actor continued absorbing her aura. The cars driving about in the rain echoed through the building. The sounds of splashing through puddles and revving engines drifted by his ears. [Y/N] stared at the sink before slowly meeting her boyfriend’s gaze. They just looked at each other. Joe felt like he wasn’t even there though like she didn’t see him there. She stared through him with the same disassociated look she had when he’d walked in. His shoes suddenly became of great interest to him and dragged his attention from her to the grain of the floor. “I’m,” he gulped and raised his eyebrows in a mixture of guilt and concern, “I’m so sorry I couldn’t be here with you today.” He looked at her again and she finally seemed to notice him standing there.

His sad puppy dog eyes bore you down. You’d fallen so hard for them. Before you’d even learned his name, you knew him by his eyes. You forced yourself to process what he’d said and were quickly overcome with guilt of your own. “Oh- Oh, no! Joe,” you pleaded and sighed as you rushed to him with a sympathetic smile, “I’m sorry, I just, like, spaced out- I’m fine, it’s all fine.” You nodded lightly at him with a stretched smile and looked up at him with hands gently placed on his chest, holding tightly to the coat he’d yet to remove.

“I know you have to work and I could never-” You bit your lip as your mental search for words was shown through the frantic lines your eyes traced, “I never want to be an obstacle.” With a softened gaze, pleading for ease in the oddly uncomfortable situation, you continued, “I’m pretty sure I’m always gonna love you, and I’ll be here,” his mouth parted as you paused, “just for you. No matter how many dates you miss, as long as you’re doing your best.” A pitiful chuckle fell from your lips.

So early in your relationship, you weren’t sure when an appropriate time to address your current emotional state would present itself. Then again, is any time a good time to discuss something like this? You felt he deserved an explanation, at the very least, to ease him a bit from the stiff form he kept since he’d returned that night. ‘Where to begin’, you wondered. Before you could let another sad syllable drip from your clenched teeth, jaw tight in distracted thought, arms wrapped around you and a bristly cheek pressed against your own.

“This is weird.” He whispered, “Why are we weird right now?” The blankets around were nuzzled out of the way so he could bury his face in the crook of your neck. His nose pressed hard against your hot skin. You were unprepared for the contact. All you could focus on was his heavy breathing beside your ear, every exhale slipping down your back and making you shiver. Cautious hands danced up the back of his neck, barely touching the airs that stood on end from the undefinable energy surging between the two of you. Molding yourself to fit perfectly in the empty cavities of space left, you were flush against him, clinging to the back of his head and letting his arms shift under yours to support you.

“I’m bad right now.” Your voice was almost a whimper, choking you on it’s way out. It wasn’t even your voice, the words were breaths you let out at all once. Joe- You weren’t sure he understood, and you didn’t expect him to immediately. He has no context yet, no reference besides what you’d carefully revealed to him. It was never your intention to hide any of your traits or symptoms or past from him, or most anyone, really, but it wasn’t exactly a hot topic of conversation.

He’d remembered briefly her using the phrase ‘when I was bad’ once or twice when referring to her mental and emotional state, but she didn’t often talk about it. Either it was sensitive or simply private, but it was fine. He didn’t push. The last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable or drive her away. While respecting her privacy and her past, he still swelled with concern at the thought of not knowing. It was a loving kind of fear that filled his stomach when he’d imagined moments like this; moments where something was wrong, something was off and he was in the dark. He didn’t need a reason to love and support her, but he was unsure of how to help in the best way.

“Bad emotionally,” she started in barely a whisper, though it was louder than before, “not ‘bad’ like-” There was a hot huff of air with a small laugh behind it and [Y/N] sniffled, “not ‘bad’ like- like ‘I’ve been bad, officer’- not in a sexual way-” It was punctuated with a cottony laugh.

Joe shook his head softly and gave the girl in his arms a squeeze. His smile was wide, though she couldn’t see it. Her squeak made him laugh a little and he could feel the air around them suddenly lose about five pounds. It was easier to lift his shoulders in this new situation.

After a moment of breathing in sync, cars passing by, and rain beating rhythmically against the windows, the man broke the silence. “You don’t have to say anything-”

“You know I can’t do that, Joe.” He held onto her for a moment longer then pulled only his head back slightly to kiss her turned cheek while she was still in his embrace. In the warm kitchen light, the patterns of the blanket and the shadows of the passing headlight combined like brushstrokes on the scene and turned them into the likeness of a Klimt painting. Yellow cascading down their backs and an iconic arching connection made this art.

“If you’re bad, then let's make it better.” The words were pressed into her skin by his plush lips. Before pulling away, their hands found one another’s and gripped them tightly, like he was a rope and she was dangling over the ever looming pit of her past.

For the first time, she could feel a wetness pricking at her eyes. Without effort or dismay, she could cry. There were no sobs to accompany it, just silent streaming tears. She didn’t stop them for they were a gift. The damp streaks beneath each eye bent around her growing grin as she looked up at her lover through the filter of emotional release. Everything but the earthy brown around his pupils was a watery mess in her eyes. ‘God,’ she thought, ‘This- He is a good one. He is so- He is so beautiful.’

Joe could feel the pain in his chest as his heart shook, threatening to crack at the image of his love in such a fragile form. “Let’s just-” He could have claimed the rest of the sentence got stuck in his throat but the truth is there was nothing there to get stuck, nothing to follow what he’d started saying. “Is it ok if we just,” he took a deep breath, “be together? Would that- Would that help?”

“You already help. Being here helps.” Her voice was back now, though, physically, she didn’t look in any way improved.

Joe handled his girlfriend gently and urged her to the couch with him, pulling down onto his lap so they both laid on the piece of furniture long ways. Her bundled body blanketed his and he leaned back, letting her warm him. Struggling to slip off his coat as he kicked off his shoes, Joe also snaked his arm into a pocket to retrieve his phone. He pulled it out with a small noise of pride and held it out in front of him. “A little George Harrison makes everything better, right?” There was a sleepy hum of agreement and ‘My Sweet Lord’ played softly from the speaker of his device. He nestled into [Y/N]’s and closed his eyes. He held the phone in his hands, clasped together as his arms wrapped around the woman.

The ‘hallelujahs’ seemed in time with the weather outside as the couple drifted further from the present and into their own billowing comfort. The lights still were yellow outside, as they were inside, and the cars didn’t stop speeding through the puddles. Though you doubted the return of these feelings would stop, for now, you were content. Joe was there with you and it somehow, just his presence, made some of the sadness wash away. He was like a rain on your pity parade, saving you from any continued celebration of your own inabilities. Tomorrow, there might be explanations needed, but tonight you felt blessed. He was safe. He was warm. Your mind wasn’t racing and your eyes weren’t dry. This was better than anything you’d been feeling, anything swelling inside you the past few days. This wasn’t an unfamiliar experience, and you’d hoped it would never become one.

Glancing up at the man beneath you one last time, you smiled genuinely, bliss settling in your center, and you closed your eyes. George Harrison lulled you to sleep that night, and safely asleep you fell, holding tightly to Joe through it all, just as tightly as he held you.

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leafsbabe · 6 years

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Nico Hischier imagine - pool party

oh another one of those “request a blurb and get an imagine” things, this took me forever, i’m probably not gonna do that again (i’m still gonna do blurbs and imagines in the future just not this combi)

2.2k words

Nico honestly was surprised it took him nearly a whole season to use his newly earned riches to buy something extremely stupid. The extremely stupid thing being a house. A house that was way too big for one person. Okay maybe it wasn't his first stupid spending considering he basically paid his best friend to live with him but it was honestly the best decision he ever made so it didn't count. When you told him that you had no idea what you were supposed to do after school he had suggested you could just move to America with him and well, that lead to the two of you sharing a small apartment in the city next door to Taylor Hall. Later after you enrolled in college he had insisted that he at least helped you out a bit which lead to tuition being split between him, you, and your parents back home.

Okay, truth be told, Nico loved every second of it. Coming home after a Roadie to see you waiting on the couch with take out and a movie cued up was the best sight in the world. He loved playing house with you and imagining how things would be if the two of you weren't just friends. Now though, playing house had a whole different meaning.

The whole thing went like this: Nico saw the house, Nico bought the house, Nico told you, you yelled at Nico, you told Nico's mom, Nico's mom yelled at Nico, Taylor who heard the yelling coming from your apartment and came over to investigate, Taylor laughed at Nico. A visit to the house and a promise to let you decorate it later you had kinda forgiven Nico for buying the house. Even later, once you actually moved in, you had forgiven him completely. The calm and quiet of the suburbs didn't compare to the city noise. It was so much better. You felt proud and mature and desperately wanted to throw a pool party.

Nico wasn't home for most of the season, always training or having a game and university wasn't as hard as you expected so you had a lot of free time. You used that time to decorate the house and make it a home. Now you wanted to show it off to Nico's friends on the team and the WAGs you had befriended.

When Nico had purchased the house he didn't really pay attention to the big pool in the backyard, too transfixed with the interior to care. Now though, it was summer and you wanted to celebrate the great season had so far. They even made the playoffs although they were kicked out in the second round. The team was a bit down so you decided to throw the party before everybody left for the summer. You wrote invites to the older couples and send text messages to the young guys. You even went so far as to go on Pinterest and search for some hockey inspired snack foods, from which you then prepared enough to feed an entire hockey team plus partners. This was going to be perfect.

When the day rolled around you got ready quickly. You had bought a new bathing suit, a cute two piece in Devil's red, and a matching sundress as a cover. A bit of light make up that wouldn't smudge in the water and you were ready.

Nico had it easier he just wore a shirt and swim shorts.

"Are you ready?" You asked him as he came down the stairs to the decorated living room.

"Yeah. When do the others get here?" He asked back. He hadn't had a haircut in a while and his floppy bangs covered part of his face; he looked really really good.

You just swallow down all thoughts of 'damn' you had gestured him to get closer. "In a bit. Can you help me take a few pictures of the decorations? I want to put them onto my blog."

He took a few of the decorations and you before lowering his phone.

"How do they look?" You asked while walking towards him.

"Absolutely beautiful." He answered, only he was looking at you and not the phone display that showed the pictures.

Soon after your, well Nico's, house was filled with people. Some of the older men on the team had fired up the big outside barbecue grill since no one trusted Nico to do the grilling.

You were sitting by the pool with some of the girls while they're boyfriends and your ... your Nico were swimming in the pool. You had your legs dangling in the water while talking to some of the WAGs.

"What should I title it?"

You had heard that question three times already. You really liked the girls but you had all taken pictures together as a group earlier and now they all wanted to post it.

"I wrote 'Did you know WAGs is actually short for wine and garden parties' and then like three heart emojis and #lovethesegirls." Will Butcher's girlfriend said.

You continued talking about the boys for a while and what it meant to be a WAG before the question turned to the one topic you really didn't want to talk about... how you technically weren't a WAG. When you told them as such you were met with resistance.

"Come on Y/N," Lauren Boyle said, "you support Nico like no other, always come to games and take care of him literally all the time. You definitely qualify to be a significant other aka WAG."

Her small speech made you incredibly emotional. Half because your couldn't help but wish her words would become true but also half because this amazing group of women thought of you as an equal. There were tiny tears pooling in your eyes, threatening to pour out, when Nico swam over and placed his arms over your knees to keep himself balanced.

"Hey, what are you guys talking about." He asked. There were small droplets of water in his hair and really wasn't fair how good he looked.

"Oh nothing." You smiled as you fought the urge to run your fingers through his hair. Ultimately you gave in and did exactly that, which turned out to be a mistake since one of the women behind you thought this was the perfect moment to give you a little shove which not only pushed you into the water but also into Nico's arms.

"Wow."

The two of you were more or less pressed together after he caught you.

"Everything okay?" He asked and you could feel his breath on your skin. You hadn't even realized how close your heads were. You could see the tiny specks of gold in his eyes before you finally tore yourself away.

You quickly stepped back from Nico and put some distance between you. Trying to play it cool you pulled your now soaked dress over your body and threw it onto the group of girls by the pool.

"Can you hang that up to dry please? I'm gonna stay in here for a bit." You asked them before turning back to Nico. "Wanna swim over to the others?"

The two of you made your way over to some guys from the team. They were all really nice and chill so you got along with them as well.

"What were you talking about before joining us. I saw you all laugh." Steve Santini asked you once you were close.

"Oh, nothing special. The girls kept insisting I'm a WAG but I kept telling them that I was neither dating one of you nor am I married so I can't be a WAG." You simply answered.

Both Nico and Brian Boyle were looking at your weirdly but you didn't really pay any attention to that.

"Aw Y/N," Taylor Hall said while he threw an arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer to him. "You know I'd wife you up in a second if Hisch would let me."

This made you laugh and playfully swat his chest. In the time you and Nico lived next door to him you had become good friends with him. Of course he flirted sometimes but that's just his personality and everything between you was purely platonic.

You were just about to reply when a pair of arms wrapped themselves around your middle and pulled you against a muscular chest. Nico hooked his chin over your shoulder, tightened his grip, and glared at Taylor.

"Mine."

The whole group, you included, began to laugh. Nico laughed too but he kept his arms wrapped around you, keeping you close.

This continued on for the entire afternoon and evening. Nico never left your side. He wrapped his arms around you constantly and even made you sit in his lap at one point.

You really liked how cuddly he was but it also made you feel sad since you were sure he only saw you as a friend.

Over the course of the evening both of you kept accepting and drinking several glasses of wine and bottles of beer that were handed to you by those teammates that were already allowed to legally drink in the states. It was a nice throwback to the years before the draft.

Eventually people started to leave until there were only Nico, you, and a passed out Taylor left. Deciding that you could postpone the cleaning until the morning you made your way upstairs to your bedroom and got ready for bed. You had just turned the lights off and slipped under the covers when your bedroom door opened and a dark figure slipped inside.

"Nico?" The soft whisper of your voice sounded in the darkness.

"Yeah, it's me. Sorry if i scared you. Taylor is passed out on my bed and i wanted to ask if i could stay with you tonight." He whispered back.

It wouldn't be the first time that you shared a bed so you just hummed and lifted your duvet a bit for him to slide in beside you. "You better not hog the blankets or I'll kick you out."

You closed your eyes again but you heard the rustling of his clothes as they hit the floor. He climbed into bed beside you and laid down. After a few seconds you slid closer and he put his arm around you, just like he had during the day. His chest was warm against your back and you could feel his breath on your neck.

"Nico?"

He hummed in response but otherwise didn't move.

"Why did you act the way you did earlier? All possessive and stuff." You tried to keep the emotions out of the question. You didn't want it to sound like you liked it or that you wanted him to act like that all the time even though you did.

"I don't..." he huffed in annoyance and tightened the grip he had on you. "They were all looking at you." He said quietly. "They kept staring and i just ... I don't want them to think of you that way."

Almost immediately you turned around to look at him. A thought dawned on you and you had to know if it was true.

"Nico Hischier, are you jealous?"

In the darkness of the room you could only make out his outline but the way his shoulders tensed up was visible even in the low light.

"No! I mean yes? Ugh. It's just ... I ... you mean a lot to me Y/N and I ... I don't want them to look at you that way. Because I should be the only one looking at you that way but even that can't happen because we're friends and I'm not supposed to look at you like that." He turned around and pressed his face into one of the pillows on your bed.

You took a minute to just lay there and think about his words. If Nico really thinks of you that way...

"What if...," you started, "what if I look at you like that too?"

Nico turned his head to look at you before you continued.

"What if you could look at me like that ... because we weren't just friends?"

"Really?" Nico's voice sounded unsure and you wanted nothing more but for him to know that you meant every little word.

"Yeah." You moved closer to him so your faces were nearly touching.

The two of you leaned in at the same time, softly connecting your lips in a sweet kiss.

When you pulled away you could see the smile in Nico's eyes so you quickly turned your back to him and pulled his arm over you so he was spooning you.

"We should talk about this tomorrow. Can you just hold me for now?"

Nico pressed a kiss to your shoulder before pulling you closer. And then so quietly you could barely hear him he whispered...

"Mine."

#nico hischier #nico hischier imagine #hockey imagines #nhl imagines

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lonelypond · 6 years

Text

Casual Lunacy, Ch. 27

Love Live, NicoMaki, 2.1K, 27/?

The Fighters

Maki found her steps hurrying once she got inside Rin and Hanayo’s dorm. She could hear the low growls, Rin, still wolf, still defensive and frightened. She could smell Hanayo’s sadness and confusion, more anxiety than fear. Maki opened the door to Rin and Hanayo’s room, not sure what to expect. Rin was, unusually, on the bed opposite the one they used and Hanayo was seated on the futon underneath the modified bunk bed, moving as little as possible. Rin’s head snapped in Maki’s direction, but Maki waited, low howl of concern her only comment. Rin huffed and turned her attention back to Hanayo.

“Maki.” Hanayo whispered, “Do you know if…”

Maki closed the door, calling to Rin with a series of whines. She didn’t want to transform, that would mean that she wouldn’t be able to communicate as well with Hanayo. As a human, she could understand Rin, mostly, except for some of the more physical aspects of expression. But she wasn’t here to wrestle. If she could get Rin to look at her...the room was light enough that Maki would be able to judge how in control Rin was from the mix of greens.

“Rin…” Hanayo sounded on the verge of tears and Maki moved toward her, which got a reaction out of Rin. The smaller werewolf jumped between them, shaking her head.

“Rin, I just want to help.” Maki knelt. Rin lowered her head, a growl rumbling through her body. Maki thought the light green and neon green pretty evenly mixed. Whether it had been a voluntary transformation or not, what they probably had now was an irritated werewolf with a full body headache.

Then Rin whined. Maki heard Hanayo scrunch forward, “She won’t talk to me. Or let me come close.”

“She’s scared.” Maki stated, reaching a hand out to Rin, who accepted the touch, her head hanging down. “Of you, I think.”

“ME! No Rin, that's...” Hanayo’s voice squeaked and Maki heard her spring from the futon. Rin whimpered and fell back to the other bed and Maki extended her arm, forcing Hanayo to stop. “Me?”

Maki nodded, keeping part of her attention on Rin, but making eye contact with Hanayo, “I think she’s mostly in control, although I bet the transformation was triggered by stress. What’s been happening?” Maki wondered what she’d missed while she was spending so much time with Nico.

Hanayo couldn’t meet Maki’s eyes, “She’s…” Rin barked, and Hanayo let the truth rush out, “Rin’s been upset and restless because I made her promise not to transform. We haven’t really been talking for the past day. She's been spending most of her time at the gym and with her tutors and I’ve been working." A hesitation, "And planning strategies with Eli and Nozomi.” Hanayo twisted her hands, “Nozomi said something that really upset her when they came by.”

Maki remembered the night of the party, Nozomi trying to swagger past Umi with alcohol and insults and wasn’t surprised, “What was it?”

Hanayo muttered, glancing away from both werewolves.

“Hanayo.” Maki’s voice snapped, with a howl of support from Rin.

Hanayo squared her shoulders, “That she could see why I kept Rin locked away.” Hanayo put her glasses to the side and crouched, hand in front for balance, eyes set on Rin. “I thought Rin was angry at me.”

Rin howled, sad, frightened. The emotions echoed in the small room.

Hanayo crawled forward, a few inches at a time, her voice soft, “Rin?”

Rin tensed, muscles ready for a spring and Maki knew her friend was tempted to duck behind her, but there was no threat in Hanayo’s body language so Rin only scooted backwards half a length. Hanayo stopped.

Rin glanced to Maki, whining. Maki nodded. “I think she’s afraid if she transforms, you won’t let her be a wolf again.”

“Oh Rin,” Hanayo threw herself impulsively at her fiancée, catching Rin by surprise. There was a startled whimper and an attempt to scurry away, but Hanayo held fast. “I never meant...I love you…I love all of this...I was just so scared for you.” There was a struggle for a moment as the still frightened Rin attempted to free herself, but Hanayo clung tighter, face in Rin’s fur, whispering, determined. Maki took a step back, arms crossed, the emotion she could hear in her friend’s pleas making her uncomfortable.

Finally, Rin ceased struggling and rested her snout on Hanayo’s shoulders. Maki watched the tension ease away, leaving exhaustion. And a very human Rin crying, “Kayochin…”

Hanayo pulled Rin as close as she could, kissing her way through the orange hair, “Do whatever feels natural, Rin. I’m so sorry. I wanted to protect you, not trap...”

Rin whined, nudging Hanayo with her head. Hanayo pulled Rin up on the bed, tenderly wrapped a blanket around her. Both were completely oblivious to Maki’s presence as they muttered apologies and endearments, tracing each other’s profiles, their scents blending...Maki hated her blush, not that those two would notice or would ever mention this scene again, not if they wanted Maki to be within ten miles of them, but she couldn’t help the vivid sensation that ambushed her, Nico reaching out like that, fingertips drawing paths to pleasure, lips a tantalizing lure...Closing the door behind her, happy Rin’s involuntary transformation aftermath was smoother than hers had been, Maki wondered how Nico’s afternoon was going.

Nico couldn’t pace, she wouldn’t let herself, that would be showing weakness and Nico wasn’t nervous, no not at all. The blackout that let her sneak into Mina and Jonathan’s bed was about to be cued and Nico prepared to step onstage. Micah stood next to her, as usual a pillar of calm.

“Nico has everything under control, no matter what Kashima does, not matter how…” Nico croaked, trying to not despair at how dry her throat sounded.

“Nico-chi!” Nozomi’s trill next to her made Nico jump, her heart pounding.

“Nozomi!” Nico’s whisper was a hiss as she spun to face the shameless tease.

“So, did Princess keep you up last night, howling?” Nico couldn’t really see the expression on Nozomi’s face as the backstage blue merely cast eerie shadows at this angle. She didn't have to. It would be smug.

“I don’t have time for this.” Nico snarled. The blackout cued as she shoved past Nozomi to get onstage. Nozomi giggled and Nico knew that meant trouble. What had she done to attract Nozomi’s ‘interest?’ Shouldn’t Nozomi be focused on either the projections or her econ genius, dancing hottie, completely useless, hot chocolate addicted girlfriend? As Nico shifted the sheets and felt Micah settle in next to her, she reminded herself to be nicer to Eli, who did actually tip well when Nozomi wasn’t looking. But for now...the lights came up, low, shafts of moonlight on the floor, moving cloud gobos drawing attention to the window. Kashima, somehow taller than her 6 feet, threw the curtains open, the drape of the fabric drifting down as she posed, contemplating her evil actions. Then, o so very swiftly, the quiet creep of her steps slid into the seductive hiss of anticipation that released from her mouth as Dracula cornered his prey.

There was a break and Nico had two choices. She could avoid Nozomi or she could find Nozomi, confront her and let the gossip engine get whatever it was off her bouncy, flouncy chest. Actually, Nico realized there weren’t two choices. Harassing Nico backstage in the middle of an important rehearsal was a friendship fail. It was time to let Nozomi know there were boundaries to what Nico would tolerate from anyone.

Nico came offstage when the 10 minute break was called, brushed past Kashima and headed right for the back of the theatre. Nozomi was leaning against the wall, enjoying Eli’s attention until Nico pulled the blonde back with a snapped, “Go somewhere else. I need to talk to your girlfriend.” Eli stepped away from Nico’s glare, wary, nodding at Nozomi.

“Why Nico-chi, what’s the matter?” Nozomi drawled, after she finished pouting in Eli’s direction as the blonde joined the other two Sisters. “So rude.”

Nico’s arms hands were on her hips and her eyes blazed, “Not as rude as teasing Nico when Nico is about to make her big entrance. What the hell is wrong with you, Nozomi? You don’t deserve any girlfriend time. You’re a disgrace to theatre.”

Nozomi patted Nico on the head, “You vibrate up and down when you’re angry, Nico. Like a pogo stick.”

Nico snarled. Maki’s wolf verbal tics were infiltrating Nico’s vocabulary. Great. If Nico went outside after her upcoming opening night triumph and howled euphoria at the moon, she’d have to check and make sure all the biting really hadn’t transferred anything werewolfy between them. Not that the fangs went in any deeper than the surface, not like...Nico shook her head, too many distracting thoughts...back to the problem at hand as she refocused on the exasperating being in front of her.

“What’s your problem?” Nico demanded.

“You lied to me.” Nozomi crossed her arms over her chest. “And do you really want to talk about it here?”

“Why not?” Nico frowned.

“You know, because your new girlfriend is a werewo…” Nozomi stretched out each sound, green eyes glittering with malice. Nico nearly pulled off Nozomi's arm dragging her into the hall.

“Shut it.” Nico ordered as the door slammed, pinching Nozomi’s forearm so hard the taller woman winced."Not another word."

“But I want to know all about Princess.” Nozomi grumbled, pulling her arm free, rubbing it as she stared at Nico, body language leaking melodramatic levels of wounded.

Nico glanced at her phone. 5 minutes before they started up again, redoing that scene. Not enough time to deal with Nozomi in a good mood, let alone with that capricious pique lurking in her expression.

“I don’t have time for this Nozomi. I won’t ever have time for this. Stop this. Now.” Nico used the command tone of voice she’d been practicing so often on Kashima these days.

“Ooh, so does Maki roll over for you when you tell her to in that tone. 'cause sexy…” Nozomi laughed in advance of Nico’s complete meltdown, the shorter woman’s arms flailing, words failing as rage sputtered out of her mouth. “You’re too easy, Nico-chi.”

Nico paused, just standing, completely still for a moment, fuming. The universe only took a second to center on the future star of stage and screen as she focused all of her personality. Then, striding forward as she inhaled, Nico forced Nozomi back against the wall. Nico didn’t bother to soften the edge in her voice or disguise the power in her threat, “If you do anything, anything, to upset or endanger Maki, I will end you, Nozomi.” She flipped her hair with a deceptively casual gesture, eyes blood red and ruthless, face as ominous as a marble Medusa’s. “Don’t mess with Nico.”

Nozomi was actually taken aback, and had no quick comeback or recovery before Nico turned on her heel and stomped back into rehearsal. The next thing Nozomi saw was an furtive Eli, opening the door and taking quick glances behind her. When Nico had enough time to get out of earshot, Eli smiled at Nozomi, leaning next to her, shoulders touching as they both stared at the door to the theatre.

“So, Nico…” Eli left the question out there.

“So very Nico…” Nozomi closed her eyes, taking Eli’s hand. Their palms vibrated, a warmth connecting them.

“She’s got an impressive amount of personality for…”

“A gremlin?” Nozomi snorted. “Nope, Nico-chi is not all hype. The real deal is under all that makeup and patter.”

Nozomi could almost hear Eli thinking, cogs grinding as she tried to choose the best way to say something she suspected Nozomi was not going to like, “You could just be…” Eli powered through, tightening her grip on Nozomi’s hand, “helpful.”

Nozomi laughed, throwing her head back and colliding with the wall. She winced and let her once again throbbing head rest on Eli’s shoulder, “You have so much to learn about me, Eli-chi.”

“I’m an amazing student. A pluses all the time. You'll marvel.” Nozomi gained so much comfort from Eli’s bright faith in her. It was a wonder to rival any in the world, the solidity Eli brought to Nozomi’s too often shifting life. When loneliness weighted, Eli would lift. Whatever tilted up in Nozomi’s head, Eli accepted. Everything. Anything. Rather than be offended or put off, Eli would just grin at Nozomi with such gentle, amused affection that Nozomi was left breathless. And she’d only been expecting herself to have that reaction to Eli’s profile. This was so much more.

“Marry me, Eli-chi.” Nozomi 's heart tilted those words out, a surprise to both parties. She swore she heard Eli's eyelashes flutter as they blinked once in the sudden silence. And then there was a chuckle.

“Today if you want.” Eli leaned her head against Nozomi’s. “But I’m not throwing Nico in the Lake to kick off the honeymoon.” Nozomi tried to pout but the picture made her giggle, Eli striding from the Wirtz Center to Lake Michigan, Nico’s heels digging stubbornly into the Lakefill as she thrashed against Eli’s grip. Eli pivoted, Nozomi somehow drawn into her arms, ballet trick, Nozomi thought. Eli's expression was unforgettably, unforgivably sincere, then her smile cracked open, “And I’ll need a ring.”

Nozomi fell into a kiss against that gorgeous mischief, sans guile, “Anything you want, my love.”

“You.” Her response, like everything else about Eli, was perfect.

A/N Sorry for the delay. The shorter days leading up to the Solstice really hammer me.

I was surprised by where the Nozomi-Eli moment went and then I wasn't. So I decided not to interrupt them : )

May the Solstice bring you brighter moments. Thanks for reading. Now I have to go bake some(fictional) Christmas cookies ; )

#nicomaki #Love Live #nozoeli #Casual Lunacy #nishikino maki #yazawa nico #rinpana #tojo nozomi #ayase eli #hoshizora rin #koizumi hanayo #werewolf #theatre #coffeeshop #college #fanfic #carrie underwood/keith urban duet on loop #enjoy

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feministangertranslator · 6 years

Text

The Daily Deluge

Image from Femstella

Bombshells big and small are being dropped daily as the result of the #metoo movement. I feel disappointed I don't have more hours in the day to read every tidbit of news about what is shaping up to be another major chapter in feminism, let alone sit down, process, and write about my perspective on it. I really wanted to have written more here by now. I am so busy loving the smell the Napalm in the morning, it’s hard to get much of anything else done. Sometimes I want to call in sick to everything and everybody, make a bowl of popcorn and watch the patriarchy burn down from the comfort of my cozy home. Honestly, I could eat this shit up all day and don’t want to miss a minute of it.

This, unfortunately, leads me to often find myself in ravenous consumption mode as opposed to thoughtful and deliberate output mode: I am devouring all of the news of the men who have been accused of sexual misconduct and their (mostly ridiculous) statements - I’m not even going to call those PR and attorney crafted liability avoiders apologies. Equally, I enjoy all of the beautiful heart-filled articles, posts, and videos from other survivors of sexual assault who are expressing reactions, thoughts, and feelings to which I strongly relate. I have a docket of saved articles in my Facebook account, tons of bookmarked Instagram posts, and cued up podcasts competing for my attention. I have to force myself to pull out of the social media rabbit hole, get up and away from my computer (sometimes TV) to go brush my teeth, straighten my hair, put food in my mouth, earn money, and do other things that are vital to taking care of myself. They seem so much more boring in comparison to the day of reckoning that seems to be unfolding right before my eyes.

I must resist this siren call for a few reasons. Firstly, I know this is the position our capitalist society wants me in: too busy watching, ingesting, consuming, buying, and promoting the ideas and goods being peddled by others to get angry about all the more important injustices and inequities from the fallout of capitalism befalling me and the rest of us. Fuck that. That is one of the reasons why I stopped working in television. I couldn't imagine myself working so hard to be (if I were so lucky) a part of a successful show; at the end of the day, even the best creation will always be an opiate of the people to me.

Whether it is the thoughts, theories, or products of others, like most of us Americans, I have been trained to consume and have reveled in it for too long. (My family is Romanian and I can definitely see the difference in some of our shopping and lifestyle habits). And I want to use my time, energy, effort, voice and dollars to only support who and what I believe in, and what will support and sustain me. It’s not just money that I have to be concerned with, it’s time and energy - which frankly, are more precious, and affect me, my psyche and actions, and therefore my life, tremendously.

What I choose to consume has to have the purpose either to benefit, uplift or inspire me, too. Because I am also dying to create and share I have to be mindful to not overconsume to numb myself out and satiate the fire inside me to make stuff. While part of me wants America to take a few cues from the Nordic market economy model or conversely maybe give Libertarianism a real shot, American capitalism can obviously work for others, albeit a select handful. So I have to believe I am also worthy of a piece of that pie, and there has to be a market for what I have to offer.

For example, I find myself obsessing about the Roy Moore story. I need to constantly remind myself that paying too much attention to him and Leigh Corfman, with whom I identify with strongly who was brave enough to shed light on how he molested her by grooming and taking advantage of her, at some point puts me in the observer and consumer mode. If I’m not careful, the contact high I get from her beautiful inspired acts can placate me enough to detract from what I can do for myself, too. It is definitely easier to watch her do it than to put myself out on a limb in the public eye, even though I passionately want to get out there myself.

As a woman who was at many points throughout my childhood, adolescence, and even adulthood silenced through intimidation and abuse, I must heed the call to speak up and let it surpass my urge to stay comfortable and quiet because I think it will keep me “safe.” I must constantly fight the further ingrained notion that others (especially men) know better than me. That I’m not worthy of listening to. Or that I don’t know quite enough yet to open my mouth. This has plagued me for years - despite getting an English degree from America’s top public university, making it through the ringer to become a licensed attorney in one of the most difficult states to pass the bar, ranking obscenely high in verbal ability on an IQ test, doing well at public speaking in some of my jobs, and even breaking into difficult industries and making multiple career changes.

External achievements are no match against a deeply long-held belief that I am only here to serve others, and my life, safety, comfort, and opinions don’t matter. It would follow and haunt me in every job or relationship I had. I truly believe it started with experiencing many “adverse childhood experiences,” specifically being sexually abused by someone in my family who was supposed to take care of me instead of use and abuse me. This, of course, set me up for many years of unconsciously repeating that dynamic in a lot of my other relationships and further cementing this completely false belief as a “truth” for me. I know this is why it is important for me to speak now. It is the antidote to all my internalized shame, hatred and anger. That was someone else’s bullshit, dysfunction and pain put upon me, and I don’t want it anymore. And if anything I say can help someone else stop putting up with it, too, it will all be worth it.

I know I am not fully ready to say or act upon all that I have weighing on my heart and mind yet. Because I am insanely jealous of the output of others who are, I know I will do it, too. I have to make small steps that work for me, be patient, and hold onto my knowing I will get there when it is my time. As Julia Cameron said in the Artist Way, jealousy is a roadmap; to paraphrase in my terms, its purpose is to tell you where you want to go, what you want to do, and who you want to be by making you so fucking mad when you see someone else is doing it and you are not. It’s that simple.

I know why I am a bit hesitant to say what I truly feel, talk about my own experiences, and make myself vulnerable to judgment. It is way easier to read something someone else did and share it with a quick comment on social media as opposed to say and create something from my own heart. There is less of my skin in the game. And the game of speaking out about feminism and sexual abuse and assault? I already know what the rules are. When women publicly speak out about anything related to women’s rights, people (almost all of them men) systematically call them fat and ugly and threaten to rape and kill them. They try to silence them by attacking their womanhood: their looks (what society has deemed a woman’s hottest commodity), their sense of emotional and personal safety (through means of violating the anatomical vulnerability of their genitals in comparison to men’s), their actual lives (murder, duh), and if that isn’t enough, their straight up worthiness of being alive (by making them feel unattractive, unsafe, unloved, unwanted, unintelligent, unworthy and ultimately emotionally annihilated). For a woman not up to withstanding that attack, the threatening perpetrator doesn’t have to actually follow through on his threat; his words and fear they create are enough. Men systemically perpetrating violence against women is alive and well in our culture and we all know it.

Wielding the power to drum up fear of personal attack or violence is the main tool used to control women and it can be incredibly effective against one who has already experienced such awful acts. And words can be just as powerful as actions in affecting someone’s sense of safety. These trolls know that. That’s exactly what Trump did to Rosie O’Donnell when he called her awful names and whatever else he has done to other women who ruffle his delicate feathers. A woman who has experienced that attack and/or violence firsthand has to be able to do a lot of work to come to the other side of it to feel free walking down the street safely, and even more so to be brave enough to talk about such controversial subjects in the public eye. So since I already know what the rules of the game are, I am in the process of deciding how I and when I want to play it, what I need to strengthen, and equipment I need to bring with me to make sure I come out of it victorious and intact.

#metoo #stopsexualviolence #feminist #feminism #hollywood #politics #womensrights #womensrevolution #rapeculture #boysclub

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isolated-loser · 5 years

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Log 0020, 4:44am, 3/7/2019

Eh!

So, shaggy chose to be at my table. And I may have had his Pc incised by a gorgeous cyan tiefling woman into abandoned building alone, where he may have gotten jumped by 17 other tieflings. Note fun as hell. Honestly, it’s been really nice having him around. Like holy shit an active experienced player?!?!?! What the fuck is this gift? Like, I’m not as into him as I remember being. Like I’m not saying he isn’t attractive, cuss he blatantly is. Plus he’s a really cool dude. I think my heavy drinking early in year changed my memory, of how much I was in to him, gods that was a bad time. I’m not saying I don’t like him, I think he’s great!

So, Mondays the 24th’s session was mostly exploding the main city during a festival, dude gut bit by some zambos in the arena, made to roll for infection, got really bad infection, other player are like fuck him and take forever to get him to a temple. Same dude fallowed some nice tail to an abandoned building, get the shit beat out of him, though it left alive. Many drugs are obtained.

Two players go to the red-light districted; one gets a fade to black with an exotic dancer. The other had gone outside to buy more drugs, and falls a nether person down a back alley, note he’s a dumbass, 9 other dude jump form thynn building top, amazingly is in beat to an inch of his life a 3ed time in one night, came back in dance club sees friend being ushered into back. Then he’s noticed by a handsome stranger, whom first thinks his a chick then there off to handsome strangers place fade to black.

A nether player saw them headed to the red light districted, was like naw and when back toward the festival flouts which he wanted to fight. A lovely lady asked if he wanted to get on the flout he was all the beasts, something, something, and she was like new these robos, he like ah, and ten she helps him on one. One of the other peps on the flout taped are dude and glitter did cover are man, monuments later he asks for a confetti spell to be cast, and are player performs cool tricks with his explosive weapon and thynn confetti. Are last player had just returned to the guild hall to analyzed a gifted rose amulet, to see if it had ofer abilities then what was stated. It was a fun session.

Tuesday, I went to paint jam like the usual. Saw a nice older guy, high key a paint master, so shall he be labeled. Note not the paint teacher, whom to be known as the Paint Guy, though, the Paint Guy didn’t show up as he was stuck out of state, but that’s inconsequential to the point of this. So, Paint Master, came in and did some paining and we chatted like you do at paint jam. At some point we start talking about DnD as nerds do, he asks about the one shot I ran a while back, told him it went well and that I Dm On Mondays now. At some point I told him I was just running with the players hand book, cuss I didn’t have any of the others, and he offer to send me some PDFs of some of th DND books, and I was like that be cool. So now I have the DMs Guide and The Monster Manual, which is just fab.

It was great seeing Nymph, she complemented my new hair cut a bunch. Which was really nice, she’s all was complemented my hair. She’s so fucking sweet. It was wonderful seeing her. I just love her.

In Lash’s campaign only 4 of us could make it. Though, we killed that son of a bitch blade singer, the blacksmith I punched turned out to be a badass asamar, I got a cool new item that makes it where I can casted scorching ray twice per long rest I believe. It’d pretty cool. Still need to get some new boot though, lol. I got a long bow as well, some ranged damage, like I’m not proficient with it, but I don’t care, it’s a bow, I go pew pew.

I’m running a one-off Thursday, the 4th. It’s going to be like underwater horror, Haunted sunken ship full of kuo-toa with a kraken outside, was what I was thinking. I’m prohibiting elf, humans, half elf, & derivatives of, cus i want some odd races in this one shot.

I did the volunteering with the rabbit rescue, it was awful, I was hot, choking on hair, spiders were everywhere, I had rabbit hair in my eyes, and you know what? I’m glad I did it. Do I want to do it again? Not really. Will I? Probability. But that was only half of it. I tried to do some grooming too. I feel I did poorly, but I’ll get better with time. I just hope I made a rabbits life a little better.

So…

Yesterday’s session, Monday the 1, was pretty fun too, though not as role play heavy. Are players whom got fade to blacks had to Rom For Stds, the one whom slept with a exotic dancer got crabs, the other narrowly expand syphilis. Some role play stuff, then to and airship run by goblins, a little while after they got in the air ship they fight some sky pirates, there leader the tall muscular man with sky blue Gandalf beard, wearing nothing but purple glittery booty shorts, saw that these dude be beating my shit fuck this and then just jumps ship. One of the player had set both ships on fire & both when down. Everyone survives. O like a dungeon no thinks, woops spick devils usher them in to the dungeon, and fight.

I keep thinking about Crush-kun, who shall be called Eyebrows from now forward, and I don’t like it, it frankly pisses me off, to no end. It’s not his fault, . I don’t know why my brain has to torture me like this. Honestly, I don’t know him super well, but here my head goes into fantasy conversations with him… I’m so fucking tired of think about him. Gods he’s just so nice, and attractive. I really hate thinking about him. No I don’t I love it, but I hate that I love it. It’s like dumping seawater in and massive gash.

Eyebrows hugged me twice Monday, idk why it was odd. I hugged Presh, and Eyebrows was like could I get a hug, not odd, and I’m borderline in love with this man no matter how much I hate that, so I was like yeah. Then I walked over hugged him, then during he’s like let me put down my drink, I let go put his drink down and hugged me again did something a bit weird with his arms than let go, there was a joke about him not braking my ribs this time, cuss when I hugged him Thursday I made a joke about wanting a hug not broken ribs, note the hug was really soft especially in comparison to the last couple of times, I’ve hugged him. Note not helping with the adoring him thing… Then he said he was going to swing me around but didn’t because of the chair, the weird thing he did with his arm explained. Then I told him I thought his wolf necklace was cool, cuss it legitimately is, and said that he always had it, and I was like yeah I know I just hadn’t said anything, he said something along the lines of look at you noticing things, or something like that, I said something like I notice a lot of things like the irritating fact that you hair is 75 different colors all the time, he said something like sorry my hairs irritating but yours is so cute then he said what color his hair is, a few more thing were said I don’t remember well. Just fuck.

Gods, I hate that I adore this basterd. I know, I’m over thinking this, but I feel like he acts weird around me. I’d swear to all the gods to have ever existed that he’s fucking with me. This shit is really too fuckin much for me. These emotions are so strong foreign, it’d overwhelming. It’s killing me.

Wait that’s an idea! *runs to nearest knife* Freedom!!! *stabs self 27 times in the chest* *collapses*

So today I woke up depressed. Just fab right?

Then got dressed, packed my paint shit, and went to paint jam. Got to see Paint Master chatted & got to see the cool shit he’s working on. Got him to join discord, and in the shops server. Some good memes man, some good memes.

Now I’ve finished with most of what I have thought about.

Sighing Off…

Favorite song today: Almost Human by Voltaire, She will always hate me by James Blunt, & Catharsis by Motionless In White

Mood: Pretty good, till I woke up today

#intp #bipolar #actuallybipolar #stupid crushing bullshit #personal #DnD #dnd5e #Dungeons and Dragons #5e #dming is fun

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hamilficsfordays · 7 years

Text

We’re Live! (Alexander/Reader)

Prompt: @hamwriters Write-A-Thon Day One! Imagine your favorite characters and actors in whatever universe you like and write about it!

Author’s Note: This is day one of what is sure to be a very stressful week as I have one of seven works finished and it’s this one. I was heavily inspired by both this video from FBE and this video from GT Live.

Pairing: Alexander Hamilton/Reader

Summary: Youtuber AU! You and your husband Alex are YouTubers who do a live stream every week, Sometimes you play games, sometimes you do challenges, but today is a day Alex is particularly dreading: The Do Not Cry challenge.

Rating: G!

Warnings: It’s cute

Words: 1288

Askbox / Masterlist / What I Write / This Week’s Works

You took a breath, straightening your hair slightly before John signaled you from across the room that you had just gone live.

On one of the monitors in front of you, a live feed of you and Alex was shown. He was sitting beside you on your live stream couch, not looking very pleased.

You, on the other hand, were bemused, eager for the day’s events.

“Hey, everyone! Welcome to Hamilton Live!”

You turned to Alex, who was typically eager and excited at the beginning of every stream. With his arms are folded across his chest, he looked up at the ceiling, sighing. “Hi.”

“As you can tell Alex is already so excited for this live stream.”

“Nope.” he responded, still looking up at the ceiling.

“He’s been dreading this for weeks,” John mentioned from off-screen.

“When we got up this morning,” you started. “The first thing he said to me was “I already hate today.””

You attempted to nudge him playfully, but to no avail, as he only moved an inch away.

“So in case you guys haven’t figured it out yet, today we’re doing a Do Not Cry challenge

At the name alone, Alex was already rolling his eyes. This didn’t deter your excitement.

“Alex is not looking forward to this.”

“I am not.” he finally faced forward. “It’s a stupid idea.”

“It’s also an idea that fans have been requesting for months.” you pointed out.

“Our most requested, stupid idea.” he finished, only half joking.

“He’s just upset because he’s going to cry like a baby.” you assured the audience of several thousand viewers.

“NO I’M NOT.” he shot back. You giggled at how defensive he was.

“So these videos were sent in by viewers I believe, right?” you asked John.

“Yeah, a bunch of people sent videos in, and these are the ones I thought were the saddest.”

“Cool, so you guys are responsible for Alex bursting into tears.” you teased.

He playfully nudged you this time, still refusing to uncross his arms or even crack a smile.

“Let’s start the first one.”

With that, John cued up the first video from his computer.

It was a Paper and Packaging commercial in which a little boy attempted to throw paper airplane notes over the fence in his backyard to his father stationed overseas in the military. The neighbor, an older man, found them, mailed them all to the boy’s father, and received the package full of paper airplane responses which he then flew back over the fence.

Though not as bad as you were expecting, it still had gotten you pretty emotional.

“That was really sweet.” you insisted, wiping a few more tears away.

Alex on the other hand, was not entertaining that idea.

“They’re trying to use emotions to sell me paper and packaging products and I’m not buying into it. Plus where was his mother? She saw him doing this… why didn’t she step in?”

“I thought it was really cute. I’d give that a 7.”

“One.” he shot back. “Zero even. It was nothing.”

After you gave approval, John cued up the next video.

The video showed an owner celebrating his dog’s last day on earth, as he announced for the camera to hear.

“Oh no…” at that alone, you could already feel tears forming in your eyes. Beside you, Alex was silent.

The video continued, showing the owner taking his dog through the In-n-Out drive thru, where he gets a burger and fries for each of them and eats it with the dog in the park.

“Oh my gosh this is so cute…” the tears had already started falling down your cheek. You could see Alex shifting uncomfortably out of the corner of your eye, but you stay focused on the screen.

The video ended with the owner petting his dog repeatedly before it played a shot of his dog with his head hanging out the car window and a message saying “Rest in Peace” with the dog’s name.

You were in tears, well past the point of no return.

“That was so cute, but oh my god I’m already crying so hard.”

You turned to Alex, who hadn’t spoken the entire video.

“Alex, what did you think?”

Alex quickly wiped a tear that was threatening to fall down his cheek. “It wasn’t sad.”

“Really?” you teased as you gestured to his now wet hand. “I could swear those were tears you just tried to wipe away—”

“I just had something in my eye.” he insisted, wiping his hand on the side of his shirt. “It’s gone now.”

“Okay… well, I rate that an eight out of ten on the sad scale. It got me way more emotional than I expected it to.”

“It was maybe a two,” he stated, passively. “Maybe even a one.”

“Can we see the next one?” you asked John.

He started the next one.

A wedding is shown. The bride is seen walking down the aisle with her mother, and her fiance is shown at the end of the aisle, in tears at just the idea of seeing her.

You didn’t really find that emotional, but a shot of the bridesmaids caught your attention.

“Ooh, those are cute bridesmaid dresses.” you pointed out. Like usual, beside you, Alex is silent.

The video continued. The best man told the groom to pull himself together, telling him that this was his moment.

“Well it’s kind of their moment as a couple,” you pointed out, contradicting him. “But okay.”

As it ended, you were quick to reflect on how your emotions were much more level.

“That wasn’t too bad. It was cute I guess, but it wasn’t really sad. I’ll give like a two.”

You turned to Alex, who was suddenly breathing heavily with tears streaming down his face.

“Alex? Are you okay?”

He wiped the tears from his face, clearly emotional.

“I love you.” he finally said.

You felt your heart swell, seeing him properly express sadness for the first time in a long time.

“Aww… I love you too.” you smiled. “That was the video that broke you, huh?”

“I just… I thought of our wedding.”

Your mind flooded with memories of the day you and Alex had gotten married, a ceremony during which he was tearing up through the entirety of.

“That’s true, you did cry at our wedding.”

“I didn’t just cry at our wedding, I cried that entire day leading up to our wedding. You just didn’t know because we weren’t together.”

You kissed him on the cheek. “Well, it was worth it. Our wedding was amazing.”

Alex was still crying while he attempted to wipe his tears away. “Let’s get married again.”

You giggled as you offered him a tissue. “Let’s NOT, because weddings are expensive. Maybe in forty years.”

“I wanna marry you every day for the rest of my life.” he insisted through tears.

You laughed fully this time. “Wow, that video really got you.”

“It wasn’t just the video. It’s you. I love you.”

“I love you too!”

You kissed briefly.

“I fucking hate this challenge,” he added, much to your amusement. He turned to John, who seemed pleased with what was occurring much to the audience's amusement.

“John, if there are any more wedding videos in this compilation, I’m going to kill you.”

John laughed.

“Ten out of ten.” Alex finally said. “I couldn’t hide that even if I wanted to.”

“Okay,” you smiled at John. “Next video.”

#alexander x reader #alexander hamilton x reader #hamilton fanfic #hamilton fanfiction #hamilton imagines #modern day hamilton #imagines blog #x reader #hamilton x reader #hamwriters #write a thon

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littleforestfairy · 7 years

Note

ALL OF THEM FOR MY MAIN BOY LUCAS

God damn it. You’re lucky I love talking about my ocs and that I love you.

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

Lucas Alexander Whitestone. I’m p sure I’ve answered this before, but he chose his dad’s name.

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?

Uhhh nope, no titles.

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory?

He had a fairly good childhood up until he was 8, when his dad died. Most of his fond memories are of all the fun times he spent with his dad, like going to the park, playing games with him. A bad memory is definitely the day his dad died, and his mom started to become abusive and neglectful. From then on, had a pretty terrible rest of his childhood.

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?

He had a great relationship with his dad! He doesn’t have many bad memories with his dad, just probably little moments when he got grounded or something. A good memory he has of his dad is going ice skating on his 7th birthday. As you can tell from the above question, he has a terrible relationship with his mom. All the bad times really overshadow any good times he might’ve had with her.

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?

He’s an only child! But a lot of the kids at Amore Safe Haven are like siblings to him. Also, he’ll eventually be adopted by a caretaker there, Anya Dawn, and gain a little brother, Sammy! He loves little Sammy and Sammy really loves him!

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

He was kind of a loner at school, never really had many friends, always ate alone. He didn’t really wanna get close to people. He hated most of it. At the beginning of the story, he is a senior in high school, but due to everything that happens, he drops out and eventually gets a GED.The subject he hated most was math, and a subject he actually enjoyed was history.

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood?

He was friends with a few of his neighbors! He would play with them sometimes after school. He didn’t stay friends with any of them though, after they all eventually moved away and they didn’t stay in contact.

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals?

Nooope, no pets as a kid! He does love animals, and maybe when he moves in with Anya, he’ll get a cat.

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals?

Yeah, usually! Stray cats like him.

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

He loves kids! At Amore Safe Haven, he plays with the younger kids a lot and they all love him because he’s like a big brother ! And then of course Sammy loves him. He’d be a pretty good parent, but he doesn’t know yet if he really wants kids of his own. As of right now, he can’t see himself actually raising children.

11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?

None that I’ve come up with yet.

12. What is their favourite food?

Mac & cheese with tuna!

13. What is their least favourite food?

Probably like, anything with steamed vegetables.

14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?

Uhhh not really!

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

He’s good at cooking simple stuff, like pasta or scrambled eggs. He does enjoy it, and wishes to learn how to cook more stuff! His friends like his cooking!

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it?

He collects photos! He has a Polaroid camera he got from Anya and he takes pictures all the time, of his friends, scenery, animals, and sticks them in a journal Lucy gave him.

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?

Well as stated above, he loves taking photos! He has both a digital camera and a Polaroid camera, the digital one being for more practical use, and the Polaroid for collecting. Already stated what he takes photos of. He doesn’t really take selfies unless it’s with his friend. He much rather prefers being behind the camera.

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

Fiction, fantasy, and sci-fi !

19. What’s their least favourite genres?

Horror

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

He does like musicals, and loves music in general! Music was always kind of his escape when living with his mom. When his favorite song comes on, he passionately lip syncs to it and dances (only if he’s alone tho, he gets embarrassed if someone sees him)

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

He’s a pretty patient person, it takes a lot to make him angry. When he does lose his temper, he screams and starts crying cus he’s so frustrated.

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

He’s not really the kind of person to insult people a lot or talk bad about them. The only people he’ll talk bad about is his mom, and even then he hates bringing her up. Don’t really think he has favorite insults.

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

He’s got a fairly good memory overall! He’s pretty good with both names and faces.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

He’s kind of in between heavy sleeper and light sleeper? He won’t wake up at little noises and it takes a few times for his alarm to wake him up, but he does wake up instantly if someone just jostles him a bit and calls his name.

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

He likes puns and ridiculous jokes, and will laugh at something really funny way too long. Got a pretty good sense of humor. He doesn’t consider himself funny, he prefers to hear other people be funny.

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions?

He hums and grins and does a lil dance when he’s super happy! Which is mostly bouncing on his feet and hopping around.

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

He tries not cry a lot, but he’s pretty sensitive. He tends to hide his emotions a lot, but his friends can usually tell when he needs a shoulder to cry on, even if he doesn’t show it. He tries to keep to himself and block everything out when he’s sad.

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

His biggest fear is losing everyone he cares about and being alone. The future, horror, insects scare me in general. He’s generally really shaky and jumpy when scared.

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective?

Very overprotective! Would never tease someone for something like that.

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

Doesn’t exercise regularly, but he tries to. He’s very determined pre-work out, but he’s pretty out of shape right now, so he’s exhausted and sore post-work out.

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

His mother is a violent alcoholic so he steers away from alcohol at all costs, and seeing as he’s mostly around teenagers that know about his mother, no one ever gets drunk around him.

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

He wears a lot of big sweaters, in mainly pastel colors, lotsa blue and purple and pink. He just buys all his clothes from stores like Walmart or Target or thrift stores. He does wear stuff he likes, but he kinda wishes he was confident enough to wear super stylish clothes like Shane. He wears cute printed pjs, with prints like owls or cats. No makeup, and his hair is a messy pixie cut that hangs in his face a lot.

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

He’s fairly slim, 5′3″. He doesn’t like his body until he starts on testosterone, and then he slowly starts to feel more comfortable with his body.

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

He likes ice skating, photography, doodling. He can’t really sing that well, but he does like to sing for fun with his friends.

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?

He’s a pretty fast reader, loves fantasy and sci-fi, isn’t really into poetry but there are a few select poems he likes.

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

He wishes he could sing better, could play an instrument, wishes he was more confident in himself. He admires all that in his friends.

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging?

Emails/messaging

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

He prefers tea more than coffee. Doesn’t like energy drinks. He has a bit of a sweet tooth. He’s used to staying up late, so he’s pretty good at naturally staying awake.

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

Bi-demisexual! He wants someone who can be there for him, who will be patient with him and all his issues, and someone who is sweet and fun and easy to talk to.

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

He would sacrifice anything for his loved ones. He wishes he could someday be completely rid of memories of his mother, could be happy without her in his thoughts.

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

He respects people’s religions and choices, but he’s not really religious himself. He’s not sure where he stands on believing in God.

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most?

He’s a winter fae, so he love loves the cold! He’s best in the cold and snow, and haaaates the heat.

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

He sees himself very negatively. His friends see him as sweet and helpful and someone who is strong and tries hard every day to get better.

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

First impression of him is very quiet and nervous. Though once he’s more comfortable around someone, he’s more open and genuine.

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?

Doesn’t really like fancy formal occasions. He much rather prefers small gatherings, or just hanging out at home.

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend?

He likes small gatherings with friends. Organizing a party is way too much responsibility for him. If he was dragged along, he would just sit in a corner or stick close to his friend. Or make up an excuse that he was sick and wanted to go home.

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

He’s very sentimental, he keeps everything his loved ones give him, even if it’s something small. His most valued object is a little fairy tale book his dad always read to him.

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

Clothes, toothbrush, phone and headphones and charger, first aid kit, books, food and water, some kind of entertainment.

#alexis rambles #lucas (oc)#oc stuff #angeliclance

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kelmcdonald · 6 years

Text

Misfits of Avalon Writer Notes Chapter 1

New Post has been published on http://sorcery101.net/news/misfits-of-avalon-writer-notes-chapter-1/

Misfits of Avalon Writer Notes Chapter 1

Page 1

This page I wanted to show Morgan dreaming before she even gets the ring. She is the only more connected to everything going on. She’s the Morgan Le Fay of this King Arthur drama. Well, all the girls are a little, but Morgan is most of all. That’s why she’s the only one that wears plaid. The bits of her dream are all hints of what’s to come.

Page 2

You get your intro to Morgan’s world view and why. Since she is an abrasive person, I wanted to explain her as quickly as possible. The apartment is fairly small but covered in empty cans and bottles. Her dad is passed out on the couch. The whole this is something that as a teenager she is powerless to fix. So she gives up.

page 3 – page 4

Morgan’s first interaction with her dad is to reinforce the previous page. If this comic was in color his eyes would be red from his hangover. Her dad is also fairly young. The tiny lines under his eyes, I wanted him to look tired not old. He’s supposed to be 32. It’s not flat out stated until book 2, but I wanted people to be able to connect the dots that he was very young when he and his girlfriend had Morgan. The way they both communicate with each other is to show this is their normal.

Morgan and Elsie’s gang are the only teenagers in the shopping area since they are cutting school. Stealing candy from one of those candy weight displays seemed like a good minor crime to have Morgan do while she thinks no one is paying attention. I figured that would definitely be something she doesn’t think is wrong because it doesn’t “hurt” anyone. Also eating candy gives her something to do with her hands in the next scene.

page 5 – page 8

I like Morgan popping her collar hoping Elsie doesn’t notice her. Elsie is loud and not that bright. So her intro is her laughing loudly on the previous page before shouting at Morgan. Then she can’t think of a come back. I have it as a running bit that Elsie isn’t good at come backs because while I always like snappy dialogue, it’s odd when EVERYONE can be that quick. Especially, when you have a character who isn’t bright in every other instance.

Elsie’s posse are my two friends Amanda LeFranias and Lin Visel.

Every fight I witnessed as a teenager was two girls. I know the stereotype is that girls leave emotional scars when they bully and boys are the ones that leave physical scars. A big part of Misfits of Avalon is to fight against that. I never saw boys get in a fist fight, I only saw girls wail on each other.

Here I wants to show that Elsie and Morgan do have a lot of common ground. Grownups frequently lump them in together. Once they have a common enemy they stop fighting. Elsie lashes out once her offer of friendship is rejected.

page 9 – 11

This is one of the reasons why I wanted the captions to show each girl’s thoughts. Elsie’s insults do get to Morgan but she is so disaffected and misanthropic that it could be easy to miss without her “I totally have friends” caption.

Cu following Morgan was fun to draw. But I wanted to make sure it doesn’t go on too long. So we have Cu following her beat, then a beat of her noticing, then a beat of her trying something new to ditch him. That repeats 3 times. 3 is generally a good number to repeat something, because twice might be an accident and 4 is overdoing it. Page 11 ends on Cu talking finally to be a good beat before the page turn.

page 12 -15

I watched Morgan to at first doubt what is going on because I always liked that when Luna first talks to Usagi that Usagi assumes she is dreaming. Also since Morgan’s always in trouble with someone “I didn’t do it” would be her immediate reaction to ANYONE looking for her. Not just a talking dog. Any in later pages I screw it up but I in this first scene I wanted it to be clear that Cu is very large. Morgan falling on the ground while he snarls at her is to push that.

There are a few places where I sorta wish Misfits of Avalon was in color. Whenever the ring glows is definitely one of them.

I tried to break up all the exposition so there was never one big info dump. So Morgan just leaving mid-explanation was part of that and also shows how little she takes responsibility for things.

The “You– you” is supposed to show how taken aback Cu is by all this. Throughout the whole series I had a little bit of trouble with Cu emoting. I didn’t want him to end up looking like a Disney cartoon dog.

I always like to put little details in the background when I have time. So while Morgan is running away you can see in one panel a dude looking up as an unseen Cu is going over the fence. Then you get hacky sack guys get knocked over. Then we get the everyone trying to grab dog Cu. A lot of this sequence is sorta to show Cu’s size again. It easy when a mascot animal is a cat or mouse sized.

page 15 – 21

With Elsie back in I wanted to reinforce how often her and Morgan end up in the same boat. They are both banned from the movies and Elsie knows Morgan well enough to guess she stole something. I also wanted to push Elsie being friendly with being excited about Morgan shoplifting rather than judgey.

I like how I broke down Cu’s transformation into a human form. I tried to make Cu’s human disguise reflect what he really is. So his collar becomes a belt that gives his silhouette a tail and his hair sticks up to make ears. He also has a goatee and sideburns to reflect where he has a scruffiest fur. And then he has fur lining on his jacket and boots. And to connect him to the girls and magic he’s got plaid on.

Elsie immediately hits on Cu because she basically does whatever she thinks but that gets shown more in her chapter. Also I had to take a bunch of photo reference to get Morgan biting her ring to try and take it off correct.

I intentionally cut the scene here so the monster could get a nice page turn in the book.

Page 22

Big showy reveal here. So all the animals monsters in Misfits of Avalon are animals Arthur turns into in The Sword in the Stone mixed with an elemental power. In this case it’s a badger. Since the girls are in North America I looked up American Badgers and realized they don’t have the distinctive look of the badgers in England. So it’s not immediately obvious they are fighting a badger.

page 23 – page 25

There is a small reference to Clone High in Morgan’s argument with Cu about if she has to help.

For Morgan’s transformation I looked at a bunch of magical girl transformations in manga. Everyone who knows the genre probably thinks to the longer elaborate ones in the anime versions. Usually they are pretty quick in the manga though. So I thought the plaid ribbons would work well for a visual short hand even if the girls are far away from the camera.

Also I really like super tall thin panels. They are hard to find a good place for some times. So I’m glad I could use em here.

I had fun drawing both Elsie and Morgan’s reactions to the guardian outfit.

page 26 – 28

While Morgan and Cu argue some more, I wanted to show why Elsie grabs the ring. No one really commented on it but out of all the girls, Elsie is the one who has friend that we see. There is a reason for that. She might be abrasive but she is like to take care of people she cares about. So Amanda and Lin almost getting hurt by badger monster means it’s time for her to step up.

I love every bit of Elsie on page 27 while she taunts Morgan. Same for the first panel of page 28.

Cu while not human does know how they work and I put this in to show that he immediately zeroes in on Morgan and Elsie’s relationship as a thing to be exploited. It’s also why when he needs to tell them something he always tells Elsie while looking human.

page 29

I love this first panel. I should color it and use it as an ad for the comic.

So a running thing in Misfits of Avalon is the smarter a character is the more they ask questions. Elsie runs in without thinking about what she’ll do. Morgan almost does the same until she sees how badly that is going for Elsie.

Lámh Gaoithe Dubh is Irish Gaelic. All the spells are.

page 30 – 33

When ever I do a fight I try to make sure the characters use the surroundings and aren’t fighting in the void. So I liked coming up with the trying to hit the badger with one of the branches Elsie tripped on.

Morgan of coarse has to give to Elsie as good as she got because they are children.

I liked doing the lighting on the appearance of Elsie’s hammer.

page 34 – 36

As the first book progresses the girls do get better and better at fight depending on their teamwork. Morgan tripping Elsie is supposed to be the very bad start. Winning by accident is the start so that when they aren’t getting in each others way during book 2 there is contrast.

I had fun drawing Elsie’s little victory dance.

page 37 – 40

Cu says it’s a badger repeated hear to make it clear what type of animal they fought. The others are more obvious, so someone could put together the little easter egg if they wanted. But like I said North American Badgers don’t have obvious face lines that badgers in the UK have.

Morgan gets some exposition from Cu and I tried to show off the outside of her house/street a bit.

When Morgan says Cu can’t come up I again wanted to make a point that Cu’s size as a dog limits him/makes him more obvious than say a cat with a moon on it’s head or mouse with wings. So he’ll not be spending lots of times with the girls in the off hours.

That last panel is supposed to mirror the first page while she was dreaming. I thought both would make nice books ends for Morgan’s chapter.

#Misfits of Avalon #Writer Notes

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