#cuz I’d just break down lmfao

[woundedheartwithin]

Kazama Kimichika: Kyojo Zero (2023)

[heeliopheelia]

LACY (p. jay)

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

includes: oral (f receiving), fingering, crying, insecurities, soft dom! jay, praising, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, creampie, hate comments

word count: 3.4k

synopsis: 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘤 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘫𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩

guts event masterlist ⋆♱✮♱⋆ main masterlist

Looking at your phone makes you want to throw up. 

“out of literally everyone he pulls… that? gotta be a joke”

“jay deserves sm better”

“if that thing got a chance with him that means i’d be unstoppable”

“pls tell me this is a joke”

“girlie gotta have a crazy head game cuz ain’t no way lmfao”

As if you don’t feel bad enough about yourself already. 

Ever since the photo of you and your boyfriend coming back from a date leaked to the internet, there’s been nothing but a ridiculous amount of hatred directed towards your clueless self. 

In the morning Jay’s text saying please stay offline today baby was enough to make your stomach churn without even knowing what was actually happening. And against his words and your common sense, your fingers instantly went to the first better social media app on screen’s your homepage.

And so with every single comment put out on the internet, you feel your confidence and self-worth slowly crumbling down until they have eventually worn you out and you’re nothing but a sobbing mess ever since the morning. Your head hurts from all the crying yet the slightly masochistic part of yourself doesn’t let you tear your gaze away from the screen.

Maybe it’s because deep down you’ve always felt like you’re not good enough to be dating such a man as Jay, and the insecure thoughts he’s worked so hard to bury six feet underneath your feet have just resurfaced once again. 

Knowing he’s surrounded by almost literal embodiments of the beauty standard on a daily basis and then having to come home to a plain nobody like you can’t be good for no one’s mental health, that’s for sure. 

“Baby?”

The lump stretches your throat too painfully for you to make any other sound than the whimper you let out, and soon you hear Jay’s footsteps approaching your suffocatingly silent room.

“Are you there, love?” 

You press your trembling lips together and nod your head, trying to force yourself to stop being so emotional for once. The last thing you want him to do is deal with… this, whatever your current state is. 

“You’ve been reading the comments,” he points out quietly, but not with accusation – only worry. His heart squeezes with desperation to somehow make you feel better, yet you take his silence as a sign of disappointment in you. 

And somehow you can’t bring yourself to look into his eyes, too swallowed by shame. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper eventually after a couple beats of silence. Your head drops lowly onto your bunched up knees. “I just had to see it myself.”

“Hey, no more twitter, no more instagram – no more,” Jay pleads softly as he carefully takes your phone out of your weak grasp and sets it on the bedside table, only to thread his fingers through yours and intertwine them together. “Don’t do this to yourself. Please, stop crying, beautiful. They don’t deserve your tears, hm?”

A sob rips out of your throat and echoes through the silent room, simultaneously breaking your boyfriend’s heart in two. “It’s just… I-,” you’re unable to finish your sentence with the hundreds of thoughts running around your mind, not giving you a moment of peace since hours ago.

“I know nothing I say will make you feel better now,” Jay whispers, shuffling closer on the bed until his chest is pressed against your shoulder and he envelops you in a protective embrace. He presses a warm kiss to your temple. “I love you. I hate to see you like that, honey.”

You nod your head, sniffling loudly and choking on your own sobs. “I love you too,” you cry quietly, moving your head to rest against his chest. “I just don’t feel good with myself right now.”

Jay hums. His hands blindly reach to your face to wipe your tears away, fingers gently caressing your damp face. “I know.” His words are muffled by your hair as he nuzzles his face in it. “I’m sorry.”

You can clearly hear the violent beating of his heart from your position and the insides of your stomach twist with sadness because you know well he’s blaming himself for everything. He promised to protect you at the beginning of your relationship, forever and always, and yet he’s failed at the one thing that should’ve been of the highest importance to him.

He felt conflicted about his job more times than he would like to admit. The constant restrictions, always having to watch his words and actions, the almost non-existent privacy – it was tough, annoying, but he could take it. 

But he’s never hated being who he is more than he does right now. Seeing the person he loves the most, the person who holds his entire world, being in such a miserable state because of his job makes him feel just so helpless.

Swallowing his self-pity, Jay soothes you as gently as he can. His fingers thread through your hair, waiting patiently until your heavy sobs turn into hiccups and eventually small whimpers. 

“I chose you, YN,” he finally says softly, hand pushing the hair sticking to your face away as the other one cups your cheek and brings you to look at him. “I chose you and I’d choose you over everyone else. It’s always going to be you. Always.” 

You blink your lashes heavy with tears, cheeks stinging from the excessive amount of them that has dropped down your face. He nudges your cheek with his nose before pressing a gentle kiss to your brow bone. This tender gesture and his words finally allow the smallest smile to appear on your lips. 

“There’s my pretty girl,” Jay giggled. His arms wrap tighter around you before he lifts you up and pulls you onto his lap. “You know, it’s okay if you don’t fully love yourself yet, I can do it for the both of us for now, baby. Please, believe me.” 

You nod your head, now choked up for a whole different reason. You let him lean in and join your lips together in a sweet kiss. His knuckles caress your cheeks and chin as he plants a chain of pecks on your swollen mouth.  

He tries to break the kiss but you don’t let him get too far away, pulling him back in by his neck and crashing your lips together again, this time more desperately. Jay’s fingers slip into the loopholes of your pants, bringing you closer and closer until there’s no space left between your chests. 

The hushed I love you’s coming out from both of your mouths, his warm lips sucking a kiss after kiss on yours, his hand that drops down and sneaks underneath your top to linger over your skin – you’re becoming dizzy from the overwhelming love you’re being given.

“I’ve achieved everything because of you, love. I am who I am because of you,” he breathes out into your lips, forehead bumping against yours. One last time, he kisses the whatever is left of your tears away, then goes back to your hungry lips. “I’d give you the world if you asked me to. Let me take care of you, like you always do for me.”

With a strong move, he pulls you off his lap and lays you down on the plushy bedding. You shiver when the warmth of his body leaves you, only to catch your breath when he drops to the ground with the dull sound of his knees hitting the wooden floor. 

His warm hands rub your thighs soothingly, palming your inflamed skin before his lips follow their lead and pepper small kisses all over them, gradually traveling higher. You can hardly breathe from the tension, impatiently waiting for his every next move, the exhaustion in your body making you feel everything tenfold. 

The whisper you let out is strangled because of the prominent tingling in between your thighs. “I need you, Jay.”

With a hum of acknowledgement, he unzips then takes off your pants along with your underwear, discarding the clothes somewhere on the floor blindly.  Breath hitches in your throat when he leans forward and finally buries his face between your legs, lips softly grazing your warmth.  

His hands push on your inner thighs, holding your legs wide open as he leans down and presses a kiss to your pussy. A jolt shoots through your body when his teeth brush over your clit before he ducks his head down and engulfs it with his warm mouth entirely.

A shiver runs down your spine when his tongue runs flat against your clit, another but longer lick following right after. Your fingers clench on the duvet beneath you as you pant and whimper with every move that he makes. 

Jay’s thumbs circle and press on the smooth skin on your thighs, he himself humming and grunting into your pussy as he slurps you up. 

You’re perfect, so perfect in his eyes, yet the angle is still not satisfying to him, constantly searching for a better access to your quivering hole. Suddenly, his arms wrap around your knees and he swiftly lifts your legs further up, almost folding you in half as he sinks his mouth in your wetness again, groaning at how much better he can eat you out now. Properly. 

A loud moan ripples from your throat and you jerk in his hold violently, not expecting him to just manhandle you like this. You’re just there, mind blank and eyes fluttering shut when Jay pushes his tongue into your hole, fucking and stretching you with it as best as he can. He’s being so loud with it, so nasty that you can’t help but surrender yourself to him completely, losing yourself to him over and over again. 

Two of his warm fingers circle your weeping hole before letting them sink inside slowly, gently. With the addiction of his nose brushing over your clit, his tongue never halting its movements and now working in harmony with his fingers, you’re barely responsive. 

You mewl and whine breathlessly, sweat starting to create a thin layer on your worked up body. Jay pulls away to take a breath and admire your blissed out face, long fingers curling up, and he ducks his head to cover your sensitive thighs with marks and bites. 

“Aah, s’ good,” you slur out, arching your back off the bed slightly. 

“Yeah? You like that, baby?” Jay asks, sucking one last hickey on your inner thigh before moving back to your needy cunt. You can only hum in agreement, the noise quickly turning into another string of moans and wails as you feel your approaching high. 

Jay cranes his neck to get to you at the best angle, one that will help you reach your climax the fastest. He didn’t even realize when his now hard cock started rutting against the bed slowly, only focused on you and you only, restraining his own pleasure. 

You open your mouth to warn him of your incoming release but before you can do that, Jay speeds up the movement of his fingers and has you coming within a second, a loud cry of his name on your lips serving as honey for his ears. 

He drags his face away from your glistening pussy to take a look at your face.

You’re so beautiful, so perfect, soft and all his.

“My prettiest,” he murmurs, planting a bunch of kisses against your thighs and stomach before lifting himself on his arms and crawling to get you to face him, laying breathlessly beneath him. 

He lowers himself to kiss you right on the lips, the slick from his face smearing against yours slightly but you’re too far gone to pay it any mind. 

“I love you,” is all you’re able to choke out in a whisper. Jay smiles and brushes his nose against yours, kissing you once, then twice and thrice before letting you fill your lungs again. 

“I love you more.”

And as much as you want to protest at first, you realize that he might be actually right. There’s no doubt of your feelings or devotion to him, you gave him your entire heart a long time ago, entrusted him with all you are and had enough faith in him to never make you regret your decision.

But no one loves like Jay does. His love is pure and raw, coming from the depth of his heart and overshadowing all other feelings you’ve ever harbored to another man. 

That’s how you also know that no matter anything you’ll always end up together, overcome everything. 

His gentle hands grab the bottom of the t-shirt you’re wearing, his actually now that he takes a better look at it, then lifts it up, revealing your perky breasts to him. He plants kisses against them, simultaneously unzipping his pants and kicking them down to the floor. His boxers are discarded next and you help him unbutton his shirt with your shaky fingers. 

“Make me yours,” you say into his lips once you’re done with that, hand pressed against his cheek. 

Your words are enough to send Jay’s patience out the window, and he’s lifting your leg to hook it over his waist before sinking his hard cock inside you, your walls instantly sucking him in to the hilt. He groans at the warmth that engulfs him, squeezing him so tightly he can barely move. 

Your heart pounds in your chest, blood rushing to your cheeks at the intimacy, his eyes boring into you lovingly. Because that’s what he is. Utterly, hopelessly lovesick. 

His chest heaves above yours for a moment as he lets you adjust and relax around him before settling for a slower and deep pace. Your breaths get ragged quickly, listening to the filthy squelching whenever he pulls out of you only to sink in further each time. 

“See, baby? It’s all good now,” he rasps, sweaty hair beginning to cling to his forehead because of the stuffiness in your bedroom. “You don’t need anyone else. Only me. I’ll take care of you.”

“Only you,” you repeat after him, watching his eyes sparkle and eyebrows furrow.

He lets out a chuckle, out of breath. “Good girl.”

His hold on you tightens as he fucks into you, his large hand slipping to the back of your head and pressing your face to his neck. His thrusts grow faster, more erratic and messy, and the only thing you’re able to do at the moment is whine desperately into his skin and wrap your other leg over his hips, thighs clenching his sides even tighter.

You feel better. You feel heavenly. You feel loved.

He bullies his way so deep inside you that you feel as if on the verge of blacking out. It’s so good. You’re pretty sure you’re going to leave a drool stain on your boyfriend’s toned shoulder once you pull away from there as you’re just unable to close your mouth for a second, too fucked out to have any control over it now.

“Can I go a little faster, sweetheart?” Jay asks.

You whine into the junction of his neck. “Mhm.”

And so he does, his touch growing in intensity as well. He lets go of your neck and your head falls back onto the pillows and you finally get to look at his face, expression so soft and tender, and a stark contrast to the way he fucks you. 

Your stomach sets ablaze with every loud clap of his hips against yours, his precum making a mess on your thighs. 

“Fucking hell,” he moans lowly, not being able to get enough of the doe-eyed look you’re giving him. He didn’t know it was possible, but he thinks he loves you even a little more than yesterday. 

The sloppy sound of your wet skin colliding with his ricochets off of your bedroom’s walls and your eyes water again – this reason completely contrasting to the earlier heartbreak. Jay is here to kiss all of your tears away, his warm lips tracing your cheeks and collecting every salty droplet that falls on your skin. 

You throw your head back, nails digging into his shoulder blades. And then he reaches down with the one hand that’s not holding you, pressing his fingers on your swollen clit and rubbing circles on it, making you grow lightheaded again. 

His never ceasing thrusts keep hitting your g-spot, without even giving you a second to breathe. 

“J-Jay,” you whimper, voice wet and small, and he knows exactly what you want to communicate to him. 

You fall apart in his arms as your orgasm hits your sensitive pussy even harder this time, making you squirt with a shallow gasp for air. You feel completely owned by him at the moment. 

Jay’s eyes roll to the back of his skull for a hot minute, his cock aching and twitching as your walls spasm and squeeze him mercilessly. He buries his face in your neck now, nibbling under your ears and panting heavily against your skin.

Jay cums hard, probably harder than he ever has before – all because he knows he’s fucked you so good you can’t stop shaking in his arms. His own thighs begin to quiver a little as he ruts his emptying cock into your warm pussy, filling you up so nicely.

It’s the choked up wail that leaves your throat that spurs him into pushing more of his throbbing length into your sensitive self. His warm cum fills you to the brim, seeping slowly onto your thighs, yet he keeps snapping his hips against you slowly. “That’s it. Take it, baby. Take it all.”

Your lips part and when he pulls away from your neck, he immediately slides his tongue against yours. His kisses are sloppy and hot and wet but that only pushes you even further into the state of bliss, completely losing your mind for the man above you.

Your back is arched, making you press your chest into his forcefully as you jolt and twitch from overstimulation as he pulls out his soft cock out of you carefully. 

Jay’s lips press to your temple warmly with a soothing intention. You try to catch your breath, body sweaty and clammy just like your hair. Yet you look just as pretty as ever to him. His prettiest girl. 

 He collapses onto the bed next to you and lets you cling to him for as long as you want to, holding you tightly to his chest and drowning you in praises and compliments. It’s only when he notices that your eyelids are growing heavy that he gently pulls you away and up from the bed, steadying your wobbly self on the rug beside your bed. 

You look at him in confusion, eyes misty and tired and he can’t help but giggle and kiss you one more time. “We should probably take a shower first,” he flicks your nose when you scrunch it up slightly but then you nod your head.

When you start walking into the direction of the bathroom, goosebumps spiking your skin despite the hot temperature in the room, you turn around and frown when you notice that Jay has stayed behind you.

“You’re not coming, love?” You ask but he shakes his head. 

“You go first, baby. I’ll be right there in a second.” He nods his head to the ruined bedding. “Gotta change the sheets first.”

You flush as you take in the mess you’ve both made. “Right,” you mumble and then disappear behind the door. 

When you’re both showered and back in the bed together, you’re propping yourself on your elbows, trying to reach the switch of the lamp on the bedside table. You don’t get far when Jay’s arm wraps itself across your torso and brings you back down, right into his chest.  

“Stay,” he mumbles, nuzzling his face in your hair.

You giggle quietly but give in and lay comfortably, half on the bed and half on your boyfriend. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Jay hums lowly. “I mean forever. Stay with me forever.”

You look at him, eyes slightly widening despite how tired you are, and his words take your breath away when you realize he’s dead serious. You’re at a loss of words, looking at the man by your side, stunned, yet he only smiles lazily and brings your hand to his lips to press his warm lips against your knuckles.

“Marry me.”

Lacy, oh, Lacy, I just loathe you lately

And I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you

Yeah, I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you

taglist: @luvkpopp @yannew @hoonxclsvly @jongseongslvr @beomgyusonlywife @starggukies @koizekomi @ineedsomezzz @starl1ghtsinthedark @enhastolemyheart @seokseokjinkim @parksunghoonsgf @skzenhalove @somekpopshiteu97 @enhypens-hoe @alpha-mommy69 @jwnzlvr @wondipity

permanent taglist: @bambisgirl @arizejkt19 @luvmura @milisabunny @cathy-1997 @dilucsleftshoelace @ramenoil @jenjnk @jaylaxies @yoongspi @nichoswag @s00buwu @mon2sunjinsuver @goreconsumer @i4kt @heehoonsnemo @seongslutt @criminalyun @kissestojapan

note: i actually really like how it turned out xx

[esculentevil]

A few years ago, @thorinduil made a post asking “which songs make you think about Thorin, Thranduil and the Thorinduil pairing?” Last year, I answered them via reblog and then kept adding to it as I remembered/thought of more songs... Instead of reblogging THAT reblog for its one year anniversary, I decided to post my answers separately, here, and just update THIS list, instead, from now on. SO! Basically: My Thorinduil Playlist~ xD

"Walk Through the Fire" by Zayde Wolf feat. Ruelle

Also “Young and Beautiful” by Lana del Rey which I literally wrote a fic about.

And “Famous Last Words” by My Chemical Romance; perfect for survivor!Duil

Fuuu!!! “Poison” by Alice Cooper!!! Jive, how did I forget that one? Thank my mate, everyone; s/he reminded me rofl while we RPed

Rediscovered “Empire” by Shakira and think it’d fit them perfectly~

“Steady, as She Goes” by The Raconteurs has major wait too long vibes which, seriously, is 100% Thorinduil (especially since Thorin dies with his glue blood...); altho I’ll admit this one only occurred to me cuz it’s in my mate and I’s playlist and, like with Poison, we were talking about these two yet again lmfao and also this fanvideo which got me thinking of S,aSG halfway through it so... yea

AND “I Don't Care” by Apocalyptica ‘cause it fits/these both reminded me I love it

“I hate U, I love U” by Gnash ft. Olivia O'Brien: this is literally their love story

Perhaps strangely, I think “Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)” by Eurythmics, Annie Lennox, and Dave Stewart would work for them--especially Thorin

“Gingerbread Man” by Melanie Martinez; partly because of this video; but also because of the climax of the song not shown in that edit (which is a real shame cuz that was sort of the part that sealed it for me and got me to add it to this list): Thranduil is so the icing on Thorin and Thorin’s so the crumbs on Thranduil and they’re 100% loving hard, fighting, breaking, and eating each other into nothing

“I Want To **** You Like An Animal” by Nine Inch Nails; for obvious reasons

“I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)” by Meat Loaf because, legit, that’s just Thranduil on top of that cliff refusing to throw away his people/family

“Say Something” by A Great Big World because acesout is right

“Unsteady” by X Ambassadors because, after writing “Once I trusted/relied on/believed in you and you let me down” and “Once I had hopes that we could build something beautiful together but reality reminded me that I’m old and ugly and not good enough (for you) so I thought it best to let you go when I should’ve held you” in this and reading acesout’s post linked above and realizing it’s true... I just want to see/read them holding onto each other like this v.v They deserve it.

“Rude Boy” by Rihanna and probably also “Only Girl in the World” by her, too; actually, “We Found Love” ft. Calvin Harris and “Diamonds” and “Stay” ... Huh... Rihanna actually has a LOT of songs perfect for them... their whole love story...

“Enemies” by Lauv because the sentiment is so them.

“Fire” by Wang Yibo because this romance is ALL about playing with fire~

“Accidentally in Love” by Counting Crows cuz it’s literally what happened

“Not Another Song About Love” by Hollywood Ending because, seriously, everything about this song is them: they hate everything about each other while also needing everything about each other and wanting each other’s love ‘til it all runs out ‘cause they’re all that each other’ve been dreaming of~

“I'm Not Afraid” by Tommee Profitt ft. Wondra but mostly just the first part/verse; the rest of it strikes me more as Thranduil fighting depression/Sauron’s shadow while knowing he’s not only lost Thorin as a lover but gained him as an enemy...

“Locked Away” by R. City ft. Adam Levine cuz it’s literally Thorin losing it all--from mountain to crown to gold--and yet not getting that Thranduil locking him up IS him sticking with him, by his side, and grounding him through the goldlust

“Baby Love” by The Supremes because Mizugetsu on YT is a folking genius and I always liked this song anyway--also, it just really fits them rofl and their story

“Teeth” by 5 Seconds of Summer: the “dangerous beauty/love to hate” vibes just work and the simp!Thorin feels--@lady-astria and I were just talking about this!

“Always” by Saliva because there’s nothing unThorin[duil] about it; it’s all them (especially, I think, from Thorin’s POV post-Smaug straight up to BotFA)

“Kiss from a Rose” by Seal because “my power, my pleasure, my shame” period. But also it really does sound like Thorin singing about Thranduil, his lit rose.

"Let Her Go” by Passenger; because sometimes you only know you love him when you turn away from him and his burning home to protect your own... or when you’re dying with a hole in your chest and finally UNDERSTAND WHY your One did that and finally stop hating him for it... because you never did.

“Unconditionally” by Katy Perry because it sounds like Thorin (mostly) and Thranduil grappling with their surprisingly deep love for each other as well as their inability to trust each other after all the betrayals they’ve suffered through; this song is what I think would happen if Thorin just admitted Thranduil was right and a good king for not asking his people to die for the dwarves that ignored him—and if Thorin’s love for Thranduil were stronger than his need to be number 1 or to horde and covet literally everything including Thranduil’s love and attention.

“A Sky Full Of Stars” by Coldplay because, in the canon, Thorin IS this to Duil and Thranduil WAS this to Thorin and every night he sees him there still

“Gravity” by Sara Bareilles; because something always brings them back together—it never takes too long—and they’re always there for each other... even when they’re gone

“A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri because it’s literally reincarnated!Thorin with Never-Sailed!Thranduil forever waiting for his love(s)’s return~

“Broken” by Lifehouse because Thranduil’s still holding post-canon; and, truly, they were both holding onto each other before all that even if they won’t admit it

[humblenolifer]

After doing some digging I remembered how it all started. It was the Super Bowl night when I caught him making large bets. I broke down saying how I could never be with someone who gambles and that him doing those things was not who I thought he was.

I remember him saying that that night changed his perspective of everything. I wonder in what way though.

Maybe I hit a bad spot? I compared him to Kenny, told him how was basically like Kenny. Obvisouly he’s not but maybe I hit too close to home.

After that night, everything was different. I didn’t think much of the things I said but I guess he did.

So the things I said are either gonna make him or break him.

Is he getting his shit together or is he giving up?

Today I found out he’s been staying at Danny’s house. I wonder why? Maybe at me tu he has to put on a front but at Danny’s he can freely express himself? Is he even staying at Danny’s tho? Maybe he’s just been sleeping in his car or something.

I don’t think I said anything wrong. It was just the way I said and when I said it.

Today when I was venting to my mom she kept trying to give me solutions and tell me to get over it. I was annoyed cuz I knew all that, I just wanted to express it. Maybe that’s how Andy felt?

I hope he knows I mean well.

At the end of the day, I was genuine and honest. The only thing I’d lose if we break up is our snap streak lol.

Sigh tomorrow can go either of two ways:

We sit down. It’s silent. We make small talk. He tells me “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. You’ve been there for me blah blah and I want to be the best version of myself for you blah blah. But I can’t be the best version of me if I know you’re there waiting on me blah blah. So I think it’s for the best if we break up for good blah blah. I love you blah blah I hope you can forgive me blah and hope we find a way back to each other blah I will never forget you bullshit.”

Lmfao I bet myself a whole LV card holder if I get that word for word.

Another possibility is:

“We sit down. Small talk. He says “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I realized what you said is true. I have been blah blah and I have blah blah. That’s something I need to work on blah blah. And I will work on it for us. I know that I’m not on the best path right but I’m trying to figure it out and I’m so lucky to have someone like you by my side while I figure it out. I’m gonna try my best to figure it out while still giving you my love. You’re the one I want to be with forever and I’m gonna keep fighting for us. I love you.”

Who knows? Life might throw me a curveball if hit me with exactly both of those things. I get what I wanted right?

What do I do about hieu tho if we get back together? Lol. Sorry I might have to ghost him. He was nice ig. Idk pretty sure he was tryna fuck but don’t blame him. Me too.

Man I wish I could tell the future. There would’ve been way less tears.

Today I asked him if what he was gonna tell me tomorrow is bad news. He didn’t respond. Lol.

I feel so dumb. Remind me not to fully trust a guy ever again lol.

I hope I heal from this quickly. I have things to do.

[scarlethallow160]

why tf do one bedroom apartments have to be so expensive (this is a huge vent dump pls avert your gazes)

my roommate keeps inviting people to our apartment without fucking telling me (or waiting til the LAST possible second to do so) even tho i’ve said time and time again i hate when people do that especially cuz he has a bad habit of doing that when we have plans where he just invites other people (esp people i barely know or dont know at all) without telling me or anyone else that was already involved. its even more aggravating cuz when this is brought up he acts like he makes sure to avoid this and he fucking doesnt like when i lived with an old friend and an ex-friend, him and our other friend invited someone to our place (so they invited a stranger to a place they did not live at) and none of them fucking told me until i was literally about to walk inside after work and like am i crazy or do people not see how rude that is?? like dawg thats my fucking home U GOTTA TELL ME WHEN PEOPLE THAT DO NOT LIVE THERE ARE GOING TO BE THERE

and if ur going to force me to interact with strangers have the decency to introduce us???? once we went to meet with some friends (not rly but i’d met them before) and ig one of their sisters was there and they just. didnt introduce us to each other? and we were on opposite ends of the table so its not like we could really interact either? and they did this when we got invited to another friends bday thing where someone i’d never been introduced to was there and they didnt fuckin introduce us and i was anxious cuz i was sitting across from her and finally had to be like “oh hi are u x? i’m so-and-so” like jesus christ is this not common sense for people? why are yall okay with forcing complete strangers to hangout

and with work today i was so overstimulated and got more and more aggravated by this cuz like i dont want to have to move every year and one bedrooms are so expensive rn but im so fucking tired of going thru this. not to mention we dont have a ceiling fan in our living room so he turns down the ac rly low when people are over so it jacks up our ac bill so it makes me even More anxious cuz him inviting people over = social anxiety for me and general anxiousness knowing our bill is going to be higher

i was so aggravated by this i ended up skipping out on plans we had today cuz my roommate also talks about himself. a lot. and we were out with friends like yesterday night or smthing and he kept going on and on about some guys he’s talking to on a dating app and i knew that would just make me angrier and idk it kinda sucked that one of my other friends involved thought i felt i was rly close with didnt seem to gaf either that i abruptly dropped out and theres obviously something wrong with me mental health-wise cuz i have this really bizarre self-sabotaging tendency when my mood severely dips where i convince myself no one cares or everyone hates me and think of this dark scenarios and just kind of start spiraling

and with my anger issues i go thru this weird loop of understanding a lot of my emotional/temperamental and communication issues stems from my fucked up family cuz my mom is super vain/self-absorbed and never thinks she can be wrong and basically my sisters are the same so i keep things bottled up and end up getting REALLY angry with no healthy outlet until i reach a breaking point and im just not great with communicating how i rly feel either cuz talking to my family was like talking to a brick wall and my older sister would literally cut me off constantly telling me to shut up so i rarely communicate things beyond like....joking around and stuff so i tend to vent/trauma dump into the void on social media lmfao which is obviously not healthy at all either but like......yeah it also sucks when i start spiraling and thinking back on this shit that i’ll never get closure from the longterm issues i developed from my family cuz now they want to act like we’re this tight-knit super close family that always got along and even if i were to ever bring this shit up they’d just point fingers or deny doing anything wrong.

 idk like its nice having a group of friends i can hangout with and stuff irl but also i feel like i cant ever really talk to them about anything like this that im going thru cuz i also feel super uncomfortable thinking i might be making things about myself (and honestly i do hate when people trauma-dump on me completely out of nowhere so i also want to avoid doing that)

also whats stopping me about addressing these issues with my roommate is cuz he has a tendency to victimize himself and thinking hes just being attacked? like he’s also super self-deprecating All the time which is also extremely exhausting to deal with constantly and it pisses me off that with our other friend/my old roommate, my current roommate kisses his ass and listened to him when he told him these issues of him being too self-deprecating etc. but ik if anyone else did he would just feel sorry for himself

im tired of this

[queerdesire]

If we were dating. I would want you to feel comfortable around me, like my other ask about how you are “based on my tumblr”, I know that you have been hurt and I have been hurt too, you have some high walls, as do I. so friends first is always a good start.help each other heal from the things we don’t talk about anymore. I am a very patient woman, so I am content to wait, to slowly break down those walls, and wait for us to become something more than friends. If you were my girl, you would never want for anything, because whatever you would want , I would get for you. You want the moon? I’ll lasso that bitch right out of the sky. And, I would always want to be touching you in one way or another, just any possible way I could. I would make for you a good home, warm and consistent, just always there when you needed me to be. I’m a giver 100%, and I always see flowers in stores and I always think that if I had a girl, I’d just randomly bring some home to her. Or I’ll see something that will make me think of you, either a meme, a song, inside jokes (we’d have a million inside jokes), even if I see a stupid $1 toy and I think, “oh she would think this is the dumbest thing ever, I’m buying it!” Also, you’d need to be able to flirt in a teasingly mean way, lots of sarcasm!! I’d want to text you all through the day, and night, until I absolutely had to go bed! But not a second sooner. This got long…but also last but certainly not least, we’d have great sex. the end.

You are very observant! You got that I am a physical touch bitch and I want great sex lmao. You sound hella sweet

Friends first is literally the key to it all, you gotta get to know someone before you jump in, it's why dating apps be complicated af lol. I think it's cute you see flowers and think wish I had a girl cuz I do the same thing lmfao not all the time but sometimes there just be really pretty bouquets

[remcycl333]

so i got a rose quartz necklace like a week ago and omfg im not sure if u guys are super familiar with harry potter?? but basically in deathly hallows harry, ron, and hermione find a horcrux and it’s a locket and they don’t want to lose it so they take turns wearing it but whoever is wearing it like gets rlly angry and hostile while wearing it and so they have to take it off and then they instantly calm down

and omg this is reminding me of my experience with my rose quartz necklace bc i’ll be wearing it and all of a sudden i get so emotional and start crying about my desire--which, before this i havent cried over my desire since, like, january--and then i take off the necklace and i feel perfectly fine ITS SO WEIRD

but i keep putting it back on cuz im like nah it was just a coincidence and then the cycle repeats lmfao

so that sucks bc i got this crystal to work at least as a placebo effect?? like if i was wearing it i’d attract love and it was doing good for a week and now it’s been weird soo idk i guess i’ll take a break from wearing it for the night at least?? idk if anyone knows more about crystals then i do then i’d love to hear y’alls ideas/advice !!!! 

[musicallisto]

Hi! Could you pls do a Harry Potter ship for me? Preferably from next gen era? I’m a heterosexual girl.

I’m a bookish Ravenpuff and have always been on the top of my class. However, I’m definitely an overachiever and along with my studies, I always have sports practice and I’d definitely be one of the best on the quidditch team. I also play guitar. I’m rather short and it can easily upset me when someone points it out but I’m sure to make a snide remark back at them. I absolutely love art and drawing and sketching is my favorite past times. I adore kidssss and would definitely date someon and joke around that I’m dating them only for spending more time with their younger sibling(s). I can get easily flustered but love teasing and flirting around someone I like. I would usually never admit my feelings cuz I’m too stubborn but we’d argue and compete and I’d add some flirting just to show that I enjoy the person’s company and to hint that I want something more. I also am very much obsessed with one direction and Taylor Swift and boybands and no boyfriend of mine would be loved more than I love 1d and Tay tho. I can also do the splits and love learning the most random things like juggling 🤹‍♀️ and solving Rubik’s cubes (so far I know how to solve six). Also I don’t swear unless I’m extreme angry and am overall just a smart, innocent and naive girl lol.

Ahh can’t wait to see what you come up with!

hi steph! here’s your vanilla milkshake, i hope you like it! also, you sound like a lot of fun in person, lol. i’m exactly the same way when it comes to being flustered/teasing around someone i like, but then everything that comes out of my mouth sounds like i’m flirting except that’s just,,, how i talk normally lmfao. anyway, this is not the topic. the topic today is your relationship with the formidable james sirius potter...

It’s a good thing that you love spending time with kids so much, because the Potter family is one close-knit entity, and you will spend quite some time hanging out with Albus and Lily when you’re visiting James.

(He’s relatively annoyed by it the first time he invites you to spend the holiday break at his place. He doesn’t need his lame little brother and obnoxious little sister embarrassing him in front of this girl he likes.)

(Bear with him, he’s probably like a fourteen-year-old boy in this scenario.)

But it’s quite the opposite, actually; you gape in awe at how supportive and loving the whole Potter family is. It’s probably a little bit of the Weasley in them.

And the younger siblings are a lot of fun, so you oftentimes tease James and tell him that his lame little brother and obnoxious little sister are actually much cooler than he is.

He’s terrified that you might actually mean it, though. How could you? How could they?? He’s cool and he’s got swagger (he has used the word swagger at some point he is gen z), this is a criminal offense.

No, really, it’s so much fun teasing James Sirius Potter.

Mostly because he’s a prankster himself - following a long line of mischief evidenced by his namesakes -, so he’s always down for stirring up some stuff with you...

... but you’ve got him so wrapped around your finger that he takes every little thing you tell him so personally, but not in the actually offended way, more like, “shut up Albus is not cooler than me” “yes he is” “NO HE ISN’T” way. And it’s so funny to see him get all up in arms about something as trivial as that.

He should have the genes to understand that the harder he tries to protest, the longer you will continue with the teasing, because it’s one of the funniest things in the world, but hey. For all their “effortless charm” and “dashing good looks” (his words not yours), both his dad and grandpa went completely dumb whenever a pretty girl approached them, so you can’t really blame him.

On another note, he’s totally enraptured by how smart you are.

It’s not enough that you’re top of the class in almost every single subject - you’re also good at Muggle stuff too? Come on, that’s unfair. No wizard in the history of ever had the patience to try their hand at Rubik’s cubes.

And he’s guilty of it, too - he tried to solve one to impress you one day, he really did, and got as far as completing an entire side... until he got lazy and frustrated and magically finished it with a flick of his wand.

(He could have lied and told you he did it all with his brain, but Albus was in the common room when that happened, and would never let him hear the end of it.)

(At least you laughed when Albus told the epic story of his complete failure. Maybe you were onto something when you said he was cooler than him.)

Also, SO MUCH QUIDDITCH RIVALRY!

James is a jock and that’s a straight-up fact. He has a legacy to uphold, you know? (or so he tries to justify. but he does love team sports and the speed and thrill of the chase.)

but when there’s a Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff and Gryffindor match? oh, boy, are the stakes high.

There’s no actual tension between the two of you before the game or on the field, but. so. many. snide. remarks.

All’s fair in love and war - and all’s fair in Quidditch to destabilize your opponent. Throw them off their game. Maybe even their broom.

And you’re both masters at finding the little comment that will help you secure the win.

“Ha! How does it feel to lose again?”

“Oh my god, Harry Styles is so dreamy. Don’t you think?”

“Wait, what-”

The Snitch flies past him.

Right between your fingers?

“Pfft. You’re not even a challenge.”

Curse you and all your wits and boybands.

Oh, but next time you will get what’s coming, and that’s a promise.

800 follower sleepover CLOSED!

[styleshollands]

Combining: 5, 1, 24, and 28 together would be so good!

DONT LEAVE | h.s.

Summary: Y/N and Harry have a fight.

Warnings: ANGST!!!!!, mentions of alcohol & fluffy ending ofc

A/N: hope u liked it love! i had to end it with fluff cuz my heart HURT writing this lmfao

"Where the fuck have you been, Y/N?" Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you walked into the living room. "Hello to you too, H." He scoffed, turning himself to look at you. "You said you'd be home at 10, it's fucking 1 in the morning, damnit!" The alcohol running through your veins pushed you to fight fire with fire, which would certainly be your downfall. "Why're you being such a prick?!" His eyebrows rose in amusement, almost laughing at your chosen response. "Really? That's the road you wanna go down?" You felt your cheeks heat up with anger, your intoxicated state acting as a catalyst for what was sure to be an awful fight. "What's your fucking problem, Harry? I was out with my friends, we got a little late, it's not that big of a fucking deal!" Harry's face turned, his eyes darkening. "Say 'fucking' to me one more time and I swear to God Y/N-" you cut him off, "What? What're you gonna do about, huh?" Before you could pat yourself on the back for standing up for yourself, your husband was towering above you. "You're infuriating, you know that right? You missed movie night with the kids, Eddy and Ayla were so upset." You scoffed and for the second time within 10 minutes, Harry's eyebrows raised in absolute shock. "Just one time! Okay, just once! I forgot something for the first time ever okay, that doesn't make me fucki-" "Y/N." Harry deadpaned, warning you to not curse again. "Okay you know what Harry, I'm drunk and I'm tired. I'm going to bed. I'll make it up to the kids tomorrow, happy? Now get out of the way." Your husband stood planted in front of you, your patience growing even thinner. "Get out of my way before I make you.", you threatened, emptily. "Excuse me?", he said incredulously, his heart breaking further at his wife's behavior. You shoved past him, both your shoulders hitting each other's with force. Harry was fuming. He let you walk away and into your bedroom, waiting for you to sober up so he could talk to you about what brought this outburst on.

"H-harry?", you spoke as you walked out of the bathroom to see him sitting on your bed, reading a book. He hummed in response, his eyes not leaving the book. "Please d-don't leave.", you spoke as your eyes watered and voice cracked. His head shot up, looking at you with love in his eyes. "Y/N, c'mere." He opened his arms for and you settled yourself in his lap, straddling his waist. Harry reached up and wiped the tears that had fallen, tucking your hair behind your ears. He wrapped his arms around your waist, tugging you closer, and said, "I will never leave you, baby. But ya' need t' tell me what's wrong." You sucked in a breath and spoke, "I had such an awful day at work. I thought I'd go and have a drink with the girls from the office, thought it would help. It didn't 'cus I ended up getting really drunk 'n nobody would drive me home so I jus' sat there waiting for the Uber to come, b-but the fuckin' traffic was so bad, it took so long, 'n then I came home and fuckin' felt awful 'n I'm so sorry, H, so so sor-" he cut you off pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. "Oh, baby. It's okay, y'don't have to say sorry. Ya' could've called me, lovie. And, before you say ya' didn't want t' interrupt movie night, cus' I know that's wha' you'll say, I love ya, 'n we're your family, ya' always come first." At this point, tears were streaming down your face, but purely from happiness. "God, H, I love you so much." "I love you more, baby. Now c'mon and make out wi' me already, I missed ya'." You giggled, pressing your lips against his, muttering, "I'm the luckiest girl in the world." "That you are, Styles." You pulled away with a grin, lightly smacking his chest. "Hey! Alright, alright, I'm the luckiest guy in the world!" "That's what I thought!"

[clonesupport]

Interview with a Fic Writer

tagged by @captastra! thanks💞^^ i tag anyone who sees this and wants to do them!

1. how many works do you have on ao3? 18! i’m still a baby lol

2. what’s your total ao3 word count? 59 674^^

3. what are your top 5 fics by kudos? A Good Night’s Rest (Arcane: League of Legends), Property of the Jedi Master (The Clone Wars), One’s Fill is Another’s Satisfaction (Detroit: Become Human), A Cork in a Bottle of Champagne (The Outer Worlds), One Last Time (The Outer Worlds)

4. do you respond to comments? why or why not? yes! because i’ve gotten like a total of three so far so like i’m desperate to talk to people who comment, it’s such a rare occurrence for me to get a comment lol

5. what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? i don’t even think i’ve written any fics that ended with angst, i’m currently writing a series named Saudade’s Affair (Red Dead Redemption 2) with angst but it’s not done and it only has some angst in like one chapter lol and i don’t plan to finish it with angst, i don’t really like angst tbh, im too emotionally unstable to do angst ahahaha

6. what’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? honestly all my fics end happy or well so like all of them i guess lol

7. do you write crossovers? i haven’t done so yet and i honestly haven’t really thought to write any cuz i’m not usually one to do au’s and stuff but if i think of a good one or a good one is pitched to me i’d be down

8. have you received hate on fics? only rude annoying comments a long time ago when i used to write in high school but that was like fives years ago lol

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind? lmfao like anyone needs to ask that question when they give my master list a single glance, yes i write a lot of smut lol it’s just about all i write, and i write it all, anything and everything, crazy shit, basic shit, all of it. as long as it’s nsfw and smutty and sexy i’m writing it ^^

10. have you ever had a fic stolen? yes, once. again, this was in high school so a long time ago, it really hit me hard tho as some angsty 15 year old lol i think it was one of the reasons i completely stopped writing for a good five years actually

11. have you ever had a fic translated? nope! that’d be cool tho

12. have you ever co-written a fic before? nar lol

13. what’s your all time favourite ship? oh god honestly idk, im usually a selfish self-insert bastard ahahaha so i never think much about ships, but i do love bones and booth from bones, that was one of my firsts and i still love it to today ahaha

14. what’s a wip that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will? low key all of the ones i have rn lmfao that comes to a total of 15, my writers block eased a smidge for one thing of hcs but the thought of writing an proper fic again is exhausting and it sucks cuz i really wanna write them so so bad. i need a new brain with a higher power meter TT one i know for sure has a very slim chance of ever getting written is a joel miller x reader cnc fic i’ve had in my drafts for like half a year now that i haven’t touched in months.

15. what are your writing strengths? i think detailed explanations of small things lol, i like the details when it comes to writing so it’s really what i focus on ^^

16. what are your writing weaknesses? just about everything else lmfao i’m not a good writer and my grammar is for shit, never got good grades in english classes and always got shit marks for creative story writing no matter how much i loved doing it. i was always told my stories lack plot and just general sense, so i never write in depth stories anymore lol probably why i stick to short porn without plot oneshots ;p i’m also extremely hard on myself lol always have been, so i’ve never really seen anything good in my writing unless someone bluntly tells me so, without that selfish need for approval i feel like i’m ass lmfao which is something i really gotta break out of

17. what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fics? only if i know the language, i’m trilingual but i only know how to write/read 2/3 of them so probably only english and french, mandarine if i had good help but that’s it. i don’t want to look dumb or disrespect the language i would be writing from google translate lmfao it’s never good that way.

18. what was the first fandom you wrote for? i dont quite remember but i think it was supernatural for when i first started in my early teens and clone wars/star wats after my five year hiatus lol

19. what’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet, but want to? oh god i mean i kind of have that list on my character request list lol but umm top ones would probably be some star wars/clone wars/bad batch characters i haven’t written for, i need to write for my man hosea matthews from red dead redemption, sam drake from uncharted cuz he’s like one of my favourite characters ever lol, overwatch tbh, more game of thrones characters, phineas wells and anton crane from outer worlds

20. what’s your favoruite fic you’ve written? probably a tie between Saudade’s Affair (even if it’s not done and i haven’t updated it in forever because of this fucking writers block TT), and Nice Necklace. Saudade’s Affair probably comes on top even if like 5 people read it lol it’s my first ever series that i’ve actually carried through with and planned and didn’t delete after like two chapters cuz i gave up ahahaha that story has a special place in my heart and so does josiah trelawny, thinking of him and that story bring me so much comfort and happiness and i can’t wait to keep writing it when my god damn brain lets me. Nice Necklace was my first ever max fic and i’d been wanting to make my own max fic for like 2.5 years since i’ve played tow and that fic got me back into writing and was also oh so purely self indulgent lol.

✨honorable mentions: No Rest for the Vicar, Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures, A Night at Burlesque, The Vicar’s Tiny Dancer (i think i have a thing for burlesque tropes AHAHA)

[blazinbeautywrites]

Fighter

Note: Due to the rampant uprising of plagiarism on this site and others I am stating once and once only that this is my ORIGINAL work. If I find out that you have stolen/taken any part of my work I will handle you and the situation the way I see fit.

None of the pics or gifs I use belong to me so full credit goes to the originators of said gifs and pics.

Summary: Boxer Zabdiel cuz why the fuck not!

A/N: First of all I’m tagging @flamediel​ cuz this shit wasn’t on my radar until it was brought up. This YOUR fault lmfao. Definitely didn’t intend for it to be this long lmfao. Anyways my laptop was being a bitch so I couldn’t post this but it’s here now.

Length: 1,926 words

Genre: Angst/Smut/Fluff

April was scared. Here she was in the front row watching Zabdiel fight against a man who was at least 100 pounds heavier than him. She told him he was stupid for going up against this guy but he didn’t care. His fearlessness was one of the many things she loved most about him. They’d been best friends for years, though she’d always wanted more. She never pursued him for fear of rejection so she settled for a friendship. She felt someone sit down next to her and she turned to see RIchard snacking on nachos.

“How can you eat right now?” April asked.

“I’m starving! And this shit is entertaining, how can I not eat?” Richard responded.

“I feel like I’m gonna throw up. God I hope he doesn’t get too banged up.” April said. Richard notices that April is breathing heavy and realizes how worried she looks.

“Ay. Zabdiel is a lot tougher than you give him credit for. He’ll be okay. Plus he’s a fucking giant. If he lets this guy beat his ass, imma clown him for life.” Richard laughed. He nudged April’s shoulder, cheering her up a bit as they watched round after round of the fight. 

Zabdiel barely had a scratch and was very light on his feet. April took notice of how winded his opponent was when all of a sudden he lunged at Zabdiel, landing a hard blow to his rib cage. Zabdiel’s screams pierced through the tense air of the boxing venue. April, Richard, and Zabdiel’s trainer ran to his side. He was rolling around on the floor clutching his side but then out of nowhere he got up on his feet, walked up to his opponent and punched him dead in the face. He fell to the floor holding his nose and fainted at the sight of his own blood. Zabdiel was quickly declared the winner as his opponent was out cold on the floor. Both April and Richard looked on in bewilderment at what just happened. Zabdiel quickly left the ring and made his way back to the locker rooms.

“Zab? Zab? ZABDIEL! April called after him. She caught up to him as he started to examine his body. He took note of the giant bruise that was forming on his side.

“FUCK! What asshole takes a cheap ass shot like that?” He yelled.

“Zab calm down, it’s over. You won.” April attempted to reassure him.

“I didn’t win shit. I took a cheap shot just like he did. Had his dumb ass not been fucking squeamish, he wouldn’t have passed out. I won on a damn technicality.” Zabdiel spoke.

“Who the fuck cares? A win is a damn win.” April said. She took one of the many portable ice packs that the gym had and put it up against his rib cage. Zabdiel hissed in pain and yanked her hand away from him.

“What’s the matter with you? I’m just trying to help you. Your being a fucking asshole.” April yelled. Hearing the yelling, Richard ran in and saw them facing off.

“Yo what’s goi-” he was cut off by Zabdiel’s chuckling.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I basically got my ass beat out there and you’re yelling at me? I know you’re like, in love with me or some shit, but this is just pathetic. So thanks, but no thanks. I don’t want, nor do I need your help.” He said. April was completely caught off guard by that. In love? How the hell did he know she had feelings for him and WHY did he throw it in her face like that? Grabbing her purse she threw the ice pack at him then made her way towards the door.

“Fuck you Zabdiel!” April spewed.

“You fucking wish.” He replied. Yep that stung. April’s tears came flooding out and she ran out the door.

“Bruh that was so fucked up and you know it. That girl is one of the few ppl who loves and cares for you and THAT’S how you treat her?” Richard scolded.

“She’ll get over it. She always does.” Zabdiel said.

“You just shit on her bro. I doubt she’ll want anything to do with you now.” Richard said. Zabdiel looked at his friend and went to pick up th ice pack to place on his bruise.

                                                 ____________

It’d been 2 weeks since April has spoken to or even seen Zabdiel. She ignored all his calls, texts, and facetime requests. Though she missed him, he hurt her and she didn’t know if she really wanted to forgive him. She invited her best friend, Remi over for a girls night but she had to work. So here she was on a Saturday night watching low budget horror movies and eating takeout. A few minutes into the dumbest movie she’d ever seen, she hears her doorbell ring. She got up to open the door and immediately wanted to slam it when she saw who was on the other side.

“TWO FUCKING WEEKS APRIL?! Two weeks I’ve been trying to contact you and you just pretended I didn’t exist!” Zabdiel yelled.

“Ugh I thought you were someone else.” April said as she walked away, leaving room for him to enter her house.

“Someone else? What, a guy?” Zabdiel inquired.

“Maybe. Either way it’s really none of your business Zabdiel.” April was loving this.

“I mean if someone is trying to get with my girl-”he stops as he hears her cracking up.

“Your girl? Are you fucking serious right now? Yeah ummm please get the fuck out.” She said. She took him by his arm and tried to force him out of her door but he was way stronger than her.

“Look I love you. I mean I’m not in love with you but I do love you. I’ve always had feelings for you but I never wanted to acknowledge them. I mean you know I’m a player and I never want to hurt you or let you down in any way. Fuck I feel like this is all coming out so wrong right now.” Zabdiel said as he gauged her react. He sat on her sofa and rested his head in his hands.

“You hurt me. You weaponized my love for you and threw it in my face. Who does that Zab?” April asked. She took a seat next to him. He had no answer to give her. All he knew was what he felt in his heart. So he kissed her. She hesitated at first but quickly responded. She kissed him with so much passion it caught him off guard. Zabdiel tugged on her shirt and she moved to straddle him. She immediately felt his hardness and grinded down on him. She elicited a deep, needy moan from him. He gripped her ass and moved her against himself as they made out. He slipped his hand inside of her underwear and felt how wet she was.

“You’re wet already. I’m going to have so much fun wrecking you.” Zabdiel said.  April moaned and began stripping off her shorts. When she went to take off her shirt, Zabdiel stopped her and bit his lip.

“What? Is something wrong?” April asked.

“Nah. I want you to keep it on.” He spoke. He pulled down his basketball shorts enough for his dick to spring free. April stared at him, mesmerized by him. She kneeled down in front of him. And gentle took his tip into her mouth. She teased him with kitten licks as she looked into his eyes, Zabdiel was taken aback as he never expected this from her. He watched in awe as she took all of him down her throat. As good as it felt and as good as she looked blowing him, Zabdiel wanted to be inside her when he came. He helped her position herself above his hardened length and when she finally sank down on him they both let out sighs of relief.

“Jesus fucking christ.” April moaned. She kept her movements slow at first until Zabdiel smacked her ass, signaling for her to move faster. She started riding harder and harder, bringing pleasure to them both. Zabdiel pulled her in for another kiss, meeting her tongue as they made out. He started thrusting into her as he held her in place. April met his thrusts as they fucked each other. She pulled away from his lips and nestled her head in the crook of his neck. She trails kisses and multiple bites up the side of his neck, making him fusk her even harder. He lifted her shirt and began sucking her right nipple then gave the left the same treatment. Then to her surprise Zabdiel stood up, still inside her, and pressed her up against the wall. The new position and the coolness of the wall sent shivers down April’s back. She was in heaven and had no intentions of coming back to earth anytime soon.

“I wanna try something. Do you trust me?” He asked. April nodded and soon she felt Zabdiel’s hand wrapped around her throat. He squeezed a bit and it made her eyes roll back. The way he was fucking her and choking her was sending her to a whole other dimension.

“Yeah, mmmm just like that. Fuck right there right there!” She moaned as he continued to fuck her against the wall. He hit her g spot so effortlessly that she almost passed out as she came. Her orgasm had her spasming in his arms. Zabdiel kept fucking her as he chased his own climax. When he finally came he shot his load deep inside of her, their juices mixing together. He let go of her and April slid down to the floor. She felt their cum dripping down her leg as she tried to steady herself. Zabdiel ran to her bathroom and got a towel to clean her up.

“That was……..something.” He spoke, unsure how to fill the awkward silence.

“Yeah. We should probably uhhhh, shower or something. I mean I’m filled with cum.” She replied. They both laughed, breaking the tension and she led him to her bathroom where they showered, and then got ready for bed.

                                                ___________

The next morning April awoke to Zabdiel’s arms wrapped tight around her. She tried to move but he tightened them and she heard him mumbling in his sleep.

“Zab I have to pee.” She chuckled. He loosened his grip and let her climb out of bed. Once she’d done her business she came back to bed to see him on his phone.

“It’s Richard. Wanted to know where I’d disappeared to last night. Told him I was with you.” Zabdiel said.

“Speaking of last night, we sho-”

“I’m sorry.” Zabdiel cut her off.

“Zab, you don’t have to apologize.” April said, taking a seat next to him.

“Yes I do. I’m an asshole and treated you, my best friend, like shit. You didn’t deserve that. Can we start over?” He asked.

“I don’t know about starting over but, if you want to explore this new side of our relationship then we can.” She said.

“Okay I down.” Zabdiel said as he smiled. He leaned over and gave her a soft kiss. She pulled away and gave him a genuine smile.

“Now get dressed. You’re taking me out for breakfast. I’m starving.” He chuckled as they both got ready to go out. Zabdiel had no idea what this meant for them but he was definitely excited to explore this new side of their relationship.

[cartmankisser]

Hellloo! I’m here for the matchups!<3

For reference if that helps: In my last IRL relationship I was described as Natasha Romanoff personality wise and My ex was Described as hulk, my ex had alot of issues and I just wanted to be there to help with whatever the issue was, the reason I had broke up w my ex was because of me. I was scared my ex would leave and get sick of me so I broke up with my ex first. I’m bisexual but lean more toward men because majority of the time I would have small crushes on woman but I’ve had the most relationships and flings with men.

I have black faded hair, It was dark black but it’s naturally brown. I never liked my brown hair so I dyed it to make it look more like my mothers hair . I have alot issues with my dad .

So I kind of go take on the roll as this caring figure with her own baggage, but I rather not bother anyone with it. I try to help others before I help myself because (frankly when it comes to mental health I don’t know how to deal with it. And start crying .) Only one person has seen me cry from a mental break down and I try so hard to contain my emotions the bad and the good because I want to take care of someone who possibly is just as broken.

Fun fact: I love to spoil whoever I’m with, be it food or gifts, It doesn’t matter if I see something That reminds me of them, I get it immediately and am like look at this stoopid thing it reminds me of you I’m getting it. It could be like something small , Or “here I thought this reminded me of you take it or I keep it “ and I’d blush and be so nervous to hold their hand so much. 😭

Im not the BIGGEST cuddler, Usually when I have a really bad day and it’s noticeable I’ll just go and cuddle up next to my partner. And not say a word because I know I’d start crying the minute I did,

I also love video games, I own a Nintendo switch and PS4 so often times I was with my ex playing video games up until three am. it was one of the best distractions I’ve ever had because we wouldn’t take it seriously . I often fit in well with my exes friends so I got along with everyone in the party most of the time. I was one of the “guys” despite being a woman lmfao.

— ps please take ur time Ik you said u were inspired to write BUT I don’t want u to rush or overwhelm u pls Take care !<3

i match you with stan!! i think he would really appreciate the caring person you are, but he would really try to make sure you knew that it’s okay for you to vent as well!! he knows what it feels like to carry baggage and would listen to your problems if you felt comfortable enough to do so.

he also really loves that you’re into video games!! when he was with wendy she always wanted to do stuff that he wasn’t into, he he can really appreciate hanging out and just chilling

he really appreciates gifts too!! you just have to be careful about it so you can avoid his vomit cuz uhh ew

[yellowocaballero]

thoughts on writing gertrude? loved your latest evil con update :)

Oooh, thanks for asking. Truth be told that the story was the result of me stress-procrastinating on a large project at work due that day, so the writing process was basically me slapping the keyboard a few times for about two hours and then posting it without really even looking it over. See if you can catch ALL of the grammar mistakes, lmfao!!!

But it was a lot of fun to write a POV I’d never written before, especially one so different from everybody else’s. She’s also a very distinct personality and character, with a lot of ‘rules’ that I had to come up with on the spot, lol. What I really did enjoy was structuring the story similarly to some of the older TV shows I like, like Murder She Wrote or Columbo. I also adjusted the internal narration and the style to be a little more flowery or film noir, with a focus on evocative yet precise language and ruminations, because I needed to drive home that she and Agnes were absolutely pyromaniac girlfriends and that she felt very much A Certain Way over her that she was refusing to admit. 

(Some characters ruminate and some characters don’t. As a writer, try to stay away from long rambling paragraphs about a character’s thoughts, because that’s dull as shit. However, whenever I write from the POV of Archivist!Sasha and Gertrude, these two people absolutely follow logical trains of thought compulsively as part of how they problem-solve or plan. They have constructive and directed trains of thought that they use to problem-solve/narrate the story. If you’re writing from Jon’s POV, he ALSO has these trains of thought, except they are nonconstructive, rambling, illogical, and soaked in stress and anxiety. I have Jon think about how he FEELS and I have Sasha and Gertrude think about what they’re DOING. But also avoid long paragraphs of internal narration cuz that shit’s boring lol.)

But writing from Gertrude’s POV was very interesting to me, because I couldn’t use her to give the audience emotional cues. Normally when you’re writing something gross you rely on both description/word choice and the POV to signal to the audience that it’s gross - the spider’s legs were luminescent, scratchy, carapaces, shifting and groaning under their unnatural weight, but more importantly Sasha felt bile rise in her throat and was hit by a stab of nausea. You can only get so scary actually describing something, you also have to lean on emotional cues through loaded language and other character reactions. But with Gertrude, the whole scene in Jon’s bedroom (that, to be clear, was a bedroom coated in giant spider webs containing a half-human half-spider teenager groaning in agony and lashing out violently) was described clinically and professionally. Because she’s a professional, and she just wasn’t fucking scared by it. Because we’re soaked in her POV, we aren’t scared either. The scariest thing to us is how much Jon is clearly suffering. But, on the flip side, when Jon’s acting and looking more human, the most normal and innocuous things he does becomes dangerous and threatening, because Gertrude’s running her little logic programs telling her that he’s dangerous. 

Beyond the joys of POV, characterization wise: Gertrude brings narrative conflict wherever she goes because she is instantly half a step away from throwing down at any moment lol, which makes her perfect for instilling tension and conflict in a story. The main tension of that story was Gertrude and her distrust/horniness for Agnes, and Gertrude and her distrust of Jon - something she ultimately only dropped because she had decided to dismiss him as a threat (orrr diiddd sheeee....). Also, exploring her and Agnes’ relationship was FUN AS HELL, because I was constrained by how little these characters wanted to talk about what they were feeling. The ‘I’m only talking to you for business reasons’ thing was lifted from WTNV, which is the platonic ideal of romance. It was fun to also kind of explore from an outsider’s perspective how weird it is that a 60 year old fire messiah (she looks more like mid-twenties, it’s a testament to how Gertrude thinks of Agnes that she thinks of her as an older woman) is best friends with a teenager and they’re both very protective of another, younger, spider-teenager. Her relationship dynamics with the other characters are fun too: she denies it but Gerry is obviously like a nephew to her, she’s entrenched in a massive Will-they-won’t-they with Agnes, and she has people in her circle, but she obviously really doesn’t actually give a shit about or love anybody but herself. Gertrude cares about herself, and keeping the world safe, and that’s it.

AU notes: so basically what happened was that Agnes had her Crisis of Faith earlier than in canon, and she’s kept up very secret and limited communication with Gerry since the 1999 Evilcon (they were banned from any evilcons afterwards, so they never met up again as kids after that and they never saw Jon again). Instead of killing herself she decided to run away instead, so she asked for Gertrude’s help in torching any of her cult members who stopped her from leaving. They Fell In Love and had A Night of Passion and Spoke Longingly of Running Away Together before Gertrude’s sense of duty to her job made her break it off. Agnes is now enthusiastically trying to live out that ‘real life’ thing when she gets word that Jon’s spider-person transformation has started happening and that he had to run away, and is now homeless in London. Gerry’s been meaning to go ditch his mom and live with Agnes too, so basically Gerry and Agnes teamed up to go rescue Jon and falsify their identities so they can all try to live the normal life they never got. They’re best friends and continue living together until we see them all as adults in the main story. Agnes and Gerry are MUCH happier than in canon and Jon’s...well, he’s having a time of it, but he’ll end up alright! Right?

Also the only music I listened to while writing the whole thing was Billy Joel, Jim Croce, Hall and Oates, etc. :) Thanks for the q!! 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #400

“it’s an age-old story: the first will be last, and the last will be kings  /  the small will be great, and the great will be weak”

Who was the last person you sincerely thanked? My mom; I thank her every time she cooks for me/us, and I really do mean it. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? Somewhere around a month. What was the last thing to really surprise you? My brother has a fiancee and is having another son! :') Have you ever found out that you have been sleep walking? No. Have you ever tried making something from one of those short cooking videos? How did it turn out? No. Have you ever written a review for a product you bought online? No. What was the last thing you had the urge to do? Idk about anything notable. Is there anyone you feel that takes you for granted? No. What is the last thing you had a craving for? A donut. Do you ever read the comments on social media posts? Sometimes. What was the last thing you felt like you wasted money on? It's so rare that I buy things with my own cash that I really don't know. What was the last thing you wanted to buy, but couldn’t afford? Venus' terrarium on my own. Mom has to help me with buying it. What is a recipe you’d like to try to make for yourself? I don’t cook, so. What goes through your mind when you look back at old photographs of yourself? More than anything, I get sad over how much weight I've gained. I was so healthy once upon a time. It also just makes me miss my childhood. What was the subject matter of the last email you sent? I believe it was about setting up an appointment with my therapist. How do you get your news? Facebook articles, really. What do you think about lizards? I love them! I was that kid that always tried to catch them when I saw 'em. Now I just observe because I don't want to terrify them by trying to pick them up. Have you ever done consumer testing (testing products before they come out on the market)? If not, would you ever want to? No, but sure, I'd do it. Have you ever received anesthesia or morphine? Both. The time I received morphine, it did jack-all for me. If you had to choose which video game to be in, which would it be? Hmmm... I would say Azeroth from World of Warcraft, but too much shit goes down, ha ha. Perhaps the top of the temple in Shadow of the Colossus? So long as I could have someone I love with me, I'd be in Heaven. Although... I doubt there's WiFi there, so I might drop that answer, lmfao. I really don't know. Between the two, would you rather live in a place where it’s only night or where it’s only day? Day. I need the natural light of day sometimes, and if I wanted to sleep, I could just find shade. If you had to be an actor/actress in a movie, what genre of the movie would you be best at? Fantasy. Out of fire, earth, water, wind, light, and dark, which element appeals the most to you? Dark. What’s one thing that you wish was real? Friendly dragons, haha. Is there anything (show, comedian, etc.) that you constantly quote or make references to? No. What’s your favorite Disney Channel movie? I have absolutely no idea. I don't even remember almost any of them. What’s your favorite holiday? Christmas. Do you ever have to do yard work? No. Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? Yes. Did/do you listen to Britney Spears songs? Yeah, sometimes. I genuinely don't mind her. Do you still make Christmas lists? Yeah, because I'm asked to. Do you watch the show Dexter? Never seen it. Which musical instrument do you think sounds the prettiest? I'm torn between the violin, harp, and piano. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom, by a year. Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? A lot, actually. Is there any food in your bedroom? What? I have these tictacs I keep in my purse in case of a dry mouth. Medication makes me have that severely, and my psychiatrist recommended me to always have a hard candy available to suck on since it forces salivation. Do you know anyone who has road rage? Who? My younger sister, badly. How far away do your grandparents live from you? They're all dead, but they lived in far away states. Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? No. What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? None. It's a bad idea to keep chips in this house, haha. Do you have your mom's or dad's hair? Well, I was born with dirty blonde hair like my dad, but my hair is thick and more similar in color now to my mom's before the cancer completely drained the color. If you were going out with your celebrity crush, what would you wear? OH MY GOD LA;KSDJFAKLWJE I DON'T KNOW I LOOK AWFUL IN EVERYTHING. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? Teared up, yes, multiple times. Do you swear and yell while playing video games? I might swear under my breath, but that's the extent of it. If you were adopted, would you want to know? At this point in my life, I don't really know. I kinda find myself leaning towards no. Has a best friend ever ditched you for a girlfriend/boyfriend? Pretty much. Do your pets chase after bugs? Roman sure does. When’s the last time you were so excited you couldn’t sleep? Why? I want to say that was the night before I was getting my tattoo redone. Do you own any flip-flops? Yeah, considering they're like... all I wear, ever. Did you ever really believe that the stork brought babies? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.) It was the only lucid dream I've ever had and I'm not complaining about it lmao. Have you ever had a dream that upset you or made you cry? Oh I'm sure. Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it? Not to my recollection, no, and I don't believe you should ever adopt that mentality and say that to someone. Do you own a laser? No. Is there anything you like to put on a sandwich, that some might find odd? Nah. I do enjoy a layer of potato chips on some sandwiches, like ham and cheese, but I know that's like an actual thing some people just like. What colour are the shoes you wear most often? They're black flip-flops. When was the last time you were required to put on a mask? In the morning when I go to the TMS office. And what colour was the last mask you wore? It's one of those normal blue and white medical ones. The last time you were in a queue, what were you waiting for? To see the woman who would give me my APAP mask. Have you had your Covid vaccine yet? Which one, if you have? Yes, Moderna. If you've had your vaccine, did you experience any side effects? None for the first shot, but my second shot bruised badly and I felt seriously shitty the following day. I was perfectly fine afterwards, though. Can any of your friends sing well? Which one has the nicest singing voice? Sara has an AMAAAAAAAAAAAZING voice. When was the last time you wore make-up, if ever? What shades/colours? I don't even remember, but I'm sure it would've been black. What is something that seems popular, but doesn't interest you personally? Fashion, various TV shows, etc... Are you clumsy or graceful? I am STUPID clumsy. Like it's just ridiculous. Do you like gloves? I like fingerless gloves. Does your sibling(s) have braces? My older sister did as a kid. Do you ever say "OMG" in person? No; it's a random pet peeve of mine, "Internet talk" irl. What was the last thing your parents got mad at you for? Dad, no idea. Mom, uhhhh. Not "mad," but "annoyed" probably better fits how she felt about me leaving the heating pad I use for my cramps on the floor. Do your pets have favorites? I'm definitely Roman's favorite seeing as he is my literal shadow, and I'd assume Venus trusts me more than anyone else, but realistically, she's in contact with almost no one else, so. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Why did you break up? The first guy to have the title of "boyfriend" was Aaron, and I broke up with him 'cuz I just wasn't as romantically into him as I thought I might be. It was puppy-dog love, and I feel I knew that. My first *real* boyfriend was Jason, who broke up with me because my mental illnesses began to affect his wellbeing. Which I now accept is fine, but he seriously coulda gone about things differently... When was the last time you got a new bed? Is your bed comfy? Late into my teenage years; idk the exact age and don't feel like doing the math. Teddy kept peeing on the bed to where it was just unrecoverable and needed to be thrown away. My current bed is comfy enough. What kind of games did you play on the playground when you were younger? My absolute favorite was digging tunnels in the sandbox, pretending to be a meerkat. The only trend I ever created, haha, seeing as my classmates got into it with me, allowing us to make huge tunnel systems. It was really cool. I also liked playing 4 Square (which I now don't even remember the details of) on the basketball court. Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? Who were you with? Yeah, my driver's ed instructor and the guy who was on the same route as me. What’s your favorite thing to do when drunk? Would you do this sober? N/A Are you a fan of dogs? Do you have any as pets? I'm picky with dogs. I like interacting with any dog, but I don't plan on ever owning another. I don't like how hyper they can be, and I prefer more independent pets, like cats. Basically, I'll be hyped to meet a random dog on the street and give it some loving, but I don't want to take it home to be my own. Are you an elitist (even a little bit) when it comes to anything? What? No. I cannot stand elitists. Is just being fond of something enough, or does it take more than that to be a ‘real fan’? And I hate gatekeeping in fandoms even more. There are varying intensities of "being a fan," but regardless, if you like something, congratulations, you're a valid, "real" fan. What type of fabric is most comfortable for clothing? I don't pay attention to this, honestly. If you wear one – bras with or without a wire? I'll wear either, but without is way more comfortable. If you wear one – are you able to find cute bras in your size? God no. What length do you like your shorts to be? I don’t wear shorts. What was the last disappointing movie you saw? Warcraft, but not because it was bad. I've talked before how in the theater, the orcs' voices were just so fucking baritone that I couldn't understand almost ANYTHING they said. Kinda ruined the experience for me. What was the last disappointing book you read? Don't recall. Do you ever watch compilation videos? Of what? Very rarely. If I do, they're mostly of animals being silly. Favorite Disney character who isn’t royalty? Probably Dory, but idk. There's WAY too many options to fish through.

[jesslivesau]

jess au @iloveeverythingwaytoomuch

pre show jess: doesn't know anything except that sam told her some fucked up shit and she didn't really believe him much like amelia didn't believe jimmy but what's clear to her is that sam's upbringing was deeply fucked up in what might've been some kind of apocalypse doomsday cult and she can say "sam, it wasn't real" as much as she can til she's blue in the face but it isn't going to change the fact that sam is Deeply Fucked Up by Shit. and it upsets her and confuses her but he does a good job of setting it aside or knowing when to give in and he's such a sweet and Loving Dude otherwise so she just files it away in her bf trauma bank and keeps cheering him on

s1 jess: your bf's CRAZY brother shows up says he needs help finding your bf's CRAZY dad who may or may not have been part of a doomsday cult and you say, bitch i watched the heaven's gate documentary there is NO WAY i'm letting you leave with him, but he's not gonna Stay cuz he insists it's just for one night (and his brother DOES seem relatively stable, like, as a person), so jess insists she'll go too. while she's in the back seat sam tells dean he told her everything dean's like lol. sure. you believe in ghosts, sweetheart? and jess is like no but i do believe that i'll kick your ass if we don't get home in time for sam's interview tomorrow morning. and then the whole white woman thing happens and she's like oh fuck it's REAL but they DO GO HOME and instead of jess dying on the ceiling there's like idk ghost mary on the ceiling or some shit and they NARROWLY escape the fire together andddd idk they can't go back to stanford cuz it's not safe and their apartment complex literally went up in flames. there’s a more complex reason here but idk what it is. maybe it was brady (demon brady) who died or something IDK LISTEN ITS JUST AN AU

anyway all of season 1 when they’re trying to track down john jess is the voice of reason asking why do they need john in the first place? And eventually sam is like listen we don’t need HIM but if he’s got research on where yellow eyes is, that’s what we need. and dean is mad about that and he’s mad at jess and they bicker like crazy. and sam sleeps on the floor because dean is like dude cmon. don’t make me sleep in the same room as you and your gf together. maybe meg gets replaced by meg possessing jess, and she doesn’t get thrown out the window so when they exorcise her she just needs a hospital and then she’ll be ok. and that would explain why she’s in the hospital and not there for the finale, but can meet up with sam & john & dean in the hospital after

s2 jess: sam is so consumed by grief and fear that jess is actually the first one to notice that dean’s spirit might still be still Around. i’m imagining a scene where sam is asleep next to dean’s bed and jess is awake, and she slowly looks around towards dean and you see ghost!dean Connecting with her for the first time

obviously, all the grief episodes keep happening. maybe jess got seriously hurt as well tbh so she goes back to her parents house to recover; there’s an episode where the boys go meet her parents and dean and sam’s Daddy Issues come out in full force. eventually jess is back and kicking ass and slowly getting along more with dean, partially perhaps because of dean’s Grief Response to john’s death, which is that all the anger and hate comes bubbling up, and jess is like i don’t fucking know this dude, but from what sam’s told me, i hate him, which is not something that sam is in a position to Deal With right now. things proceed pretty much along the course

i am considering now if jess could also be a special child. she also has some kind of psychic abilities but i’d have to choose something cool for her. anyway if she IS then that gets her in the town with sam in all hell breaks loose which i think is the best place for her during that arc? i know all the other special children supposedly had to die but maybe her psychic power was to go inviisble or something lmfao i don’t fucking know. anyway dean has his sad monologue but jess either (a) fully shuts down or (b) just goes STRAIGHT to hunt down whatever the fuck his name is. jake? leverage man? that would be dope actually. and then actually dean, sam, bobby, and ellen actually meet her at the hell’s gate

s3 jess: truly does not understand why they’re hunting. gets into arguments with the boys all the time about how this is pointless, if you’re not gonna try and save yourself then why can’t you just put it down and let yourself have this year?? and dean’s a little bit like you know what jessica that makes a lot of damn sense. but it makes sam mad and they argue a lot about it and jess probably takes off halfway through the season. maybe after malleus maleficarum? partly cuz that’s the ep where ruby more or less becomes part of the team and also when she confirms that she can’t save dean from hell. and i just feel like jess would be like i cannot.... Sit Here.... and watch you both drive yourself into the ground. dean, if you’re gonna die, sam’s coming after you. you knew that. you just didn’t want him to go first.

maybe dean hits her lmfao and sam screams at him for it and jess just Walks Away, tearfully

s4 jess: so jess bailed midway through s3, but when dean wakes up and starts making calls in that phonebooth, he calls bobby and bobby hangs up, so he calls jess. and she comes and gets him.

jess and sam are obviously not together anymore, but jess is totally civil with sam and even with ruby. she’s like we can work together, it’s fine, whatever. and this is the season where dean and jess really bond and become a good Team. and cas is just usually confused why jess is Around but eventually gets used to her. i’ve toyed with jess being jewish which would lend a good and also funny perspective to all the heaven and hell stuff

jess heard about hell first from dean, but not the specifics of the stuff that dean told sam, not until after on the head of a pin. she’s their Lore Expert on seals and is trying to identify as many of them as possible so they can put in place safeguards, and maybe that bumps her up against angel priorities for an episode. maybe we get an episode where cas has to Threaten her 00 and he can say something like sam and dean are important..... you are not. remember that. and then [flappy wings vanish]

uhhhh jess’s siren in the siren episode....... is just like a carbon copy of sam lmfao. which is extremely funny and sam and jess will both kind of awkwardly clear their throats and not address that. i guess jess is just fucking stuck with bobby during the finale because the point of her presence is that she’s so USELESS to both demons and angels

s5 jess:  i’d probably add in an early episode where her parents are killed, probably by demons because the demons know they can’t touch the winchesters due to angel shit but they can fuck up jess as much as they want. then when sam and dean temporarily split up jess would go with dean cuz she’s a hunter now and has nowhere else to go and it doesn’t feel right to just sit around with sam. or maybe she also leaves and splits up and doesn’t stick with dean cuz she’s processing her own traumatic shit. at any rate, early in the season there’s a moment where sam is Gone and dean and jess are drinking together and talking about their feelings and they have a moment where they gaze at each other in the eyes and almost lean towards each other.... then jess goes you know what? this is fucking weird and dean is like oh thank god you said that absolutely this is too weird

in The End, it’s revealed that jess was killed and no one will tell dean more information or talk about her until he finds out that she was pregnant when she was killed (presumably with sammifer’s baby)

in changing channels they get put into a telenovela and sam and jess have an tearful emotionally charged confession scene in spanish. this is about when sam and jess finally get back together [cue cheering]

in the chuck eps it’s revealed chuck rewrote it so that jess died on the ceiling in the first book cuz he was like “i just didn’t think it made sense for her to be alive! it was literary symmetry that’s all!”

in sam, interrupted when sam is all high on meds that’s when he says lots of kooky sweet shit to jess about wanting to MARRY her and have a FAMILY together and it’s sweet and also dean throws up in his mouth a little bit having to hear it

in my bloody valentine the thing that jess is hungry for is Family but i do not know the logistics of how

in dark side of the moon jess does die with the boys but it takes a while to find her, tho they eventually do in one of sam’s favorite memories (probably from the first time they met or something). she’s like what the fuck i’m jewish

no, i have no clue how she factors into swan song. she just does, ok. lucifer can snap her neck along with bobby’s

s6 jess: she tried to check in with dean occasionally at the braedens, and actually had dinner with them once but started checking in less and less as the year went on, and it turns out she knew that sam was back and she’d been hunting with him + the campbells and a couple things

when dean finds out he is truly FURIOUS, but jess is like dean i saw you with lisa and ben! i saw you getting better! i saw you happy, i saw you ok, and hell i’ve only known you since you showed up in palo alto five years ago but it was the most at peace i’ve ever seen you, and i couldn’t take that away from you, and neither could sam.

she’s also like yes, dean, he’s different, he’s colder, it makes me sad but who was the one who put up with YOU when you were spiralling after your dad’s death? or when you were all buttoned up after you came back from hell? he did! so show him a god damn OUNCE of empathy, would you!

and when they find out he’s soulless jess is like. hm. and dean is like i TOLD you there was something wrong with him!!! and jess is like i mean.... yeah....... and maybe i didn’t really want to admit it... cuz.... the sex was So good.........

[soulless sam winks at her]

anyway, s6 happens the way it happens and that’s fine

s7: the only important thing that happens in s7 is that Season Seven, It’s Time For a Wedding! is actually about some sort of monster and the only way to kill it is to cast a spell but the spell must be cast by “two warriors joined before god” which means married and cas is awkward about it cuz he doesn’t want to Presume Anything 

and the whole episode is lots of sam and jess being like “i mean, of course, if you want to..... .like, but if you DON’T, that’s also totally fine, of course.... you know.... whatever you’re comfortable with” until finally they’re in the final battle and cas has to marry them the way barbossa does for will and elizabeth in potc and when dean is pinned against the wall by the monster he goes “DAMMIT JESS WILL YOU KISS MY BROTHER ALREADY” and then sam dips jess in a kiss and the monster is instantly obliterated [heart eyes]

i truly genuinely do not remember anything that happens in s7. anyway jess and sam are married now

s8: sam was with jess the whole year dean was in purgatory. they were struggling to get back to normal life after everything. dean is still fucking mad that sam didn’t go looking for him. i assume everything else goes pretty much according to whatever the fuck happened in s8 except jess at one point has to go to bat for benny cuz sam for some reason hates him so much

i’ve been toying with the idea of jess doing the trials not sam but i mean how can i take that away from my Boy

s9: i do not know anything that happened in this season ):

s10: see above

s11: see above

s12: now i never watched s12, but in this au there is no lucifer’s son jack. instead jess gets pregnant midway through the season; cas finds out first because he can sense it and he’s like why does it feel like there’s an extra being in the bunker, and then he spills to dean cuz he can’t keep a secret, and then dean is like “oh shit what are you gonna do” and jess is like well!!!! sam and i.... talked about this. we were.....open to the possibility. and dean is like wtf how could u possibly bring a child into this world that’s fucked up adn cas is like [wipes tear] that’s beautiful

anyway when they come back from some kind of hunt (probably something that involved claire) and sam and jess are in the bunker, sam goes “jess, seeing claire, seeing jody and the girls.... it makes me think.... i wanna have a family with you” and jess hugs him and then cas walks into the bunker with dean and is like “oh, have you told him about the baby?” and everyone SCREAMS at him

and cas uses his annual miracle allowance to just reverse time about 30 seconds so when he enters the bunker he just goes “i have nothing to say” and Fucking Leaves

the baby is born in the back of the impala in the s12 finale, on the way to the hospital. dean is devastated. he’ll have to reupholster the WHOLE THING. sam accidentally names the baby john but they don’t want to tell dean that so they decide to call him jack.

s13-15 gets to be mostly about how cute it is to have a wittle baby in the bunker. cas is the best babysitter because he loves babies and is very powerful so he can protect him. the occultum nonsense in s15 can be about finding a Safe Place for baby jack, no matter what happens to the rest of the world. sam tells jess, you go with him, you’ll be safe there. dean tells sam, you go with them, you’ll be safe there. all of that good good cute family stuff. was it the best idea to have a baby in the middle of constant apocalypses? maybe not, but like, they are ALWAYS in constant apocalypses, so at some point you just have to bite the bullet

anyway. please clap

[bigskydreaming]

Scoooooooore! LOL gotta love that wayback machine. Anyone remember me talking once about this series I did back in the Dark Angel fandom, one-shots of varying length focused around Max’s family who we never really saw much of in the show? So ever since then I’ve been trying to find them anywhere, since it was before Ao3, I didn’t use ff.net for that fandom, and all the fic sites and archives that were DA specific are pretty much dead and gone-zo nowadays.....but I kept coming up empty, mostly because my dumb ass wasn’t remembering my own titles correctly. So then I started searching by plugging in actual lines I could remember from the fics themselves, and that worked, and quick question self, but explain to me how it is you can remember LINES you wrote in individual fics almost a decade and a half ago, more clearly than you can remember the freaking titles of those fics themselves?

Ah, me.

Course, I still only found half of them, but that half includes most of the ones I really like best, and of the ones still lost the only one I’m really bummed about and still trying hard to find is “Little Lightning Girl,” aka Jondy’s story.

Its always a trip reading really old stuff of yours though. I’m surprised, like, there’s stuff I’ve written from around this same time, both fanfic and original, where I’m just like YIKES, no, hard pass, we’re just gonna pretend this wasn’t a thing....but most of these hold up surprisingly well? I’m pleasantly pleased? Chuffed, almost? 

Zane’s “Zen and the Art of Not Breaking Your Customer’s Fucking Face (remember: its bad for business)” is a definite keeper, heh, I amuse myself tremendously sometimes. 

Zack’s “Rules for When the Sky is Falling (plus side: this time its not your fault)” is a little weak in spots, like there’s stuff that in hindsight I could see easily strengthening the arc in that one but I’m wondering how much of that has to do with changing/evolving views on character types in general....just because Zack was never a fave of mine back when I was watching then, but falls into a character type I have a lot more appreciation and empathy for now, and that definitely would have led me to write his story differently now than I did then. 

Ben’s “They Keep Calling Me Crazy (I say: its the world that’s gone mad)” is kinda the complete reverse.....Ben falls into a character type I have soooooo much less patience for nowadays than I did back then, mostly because of well. The over-glorification of such characters and me being like okay but what about yawn though. Reading his took me back more fully to that mindset than I’ve managed in years though, so it didn’t annoy me as much as I thought it would lmfao.

Tinga’s “A Storybook Kind of Princess (a Grimm kind of happily ever after)” is as weird to me now as it was back then. Easily one of the most experimental “I have no idea what I’m actually aiming for here, just go with it” fics I’ve ever written, and apparently fifteen years later, I STILL can’t decide if I think it worked and I actually like how it came out or not. Hahaha, what is decisiveness though, other than a myth and hashtag Fake News.

Kavi’s “I Never Learned How To Play Ball (striking out comes naturally)” is still one of the weakest of the series, that hasn’t changed.....I didn’t have a really clear idea what I wanted to do with him or where I wanted to take that and that unfortunately kinda shows and the re-reading didn’t really spark anything in terms of what I would definitely have done differently if writing it now.

Vada’s “Chase Me To The Desert, Watch Me Live, I Bet I’ll Thrive (you better believe: I was born to survive)” is the complete opposite, because its another one of those very experimental pieces where I was totally winging it because we knew next to nothing about Vada in the series and I totally just pulled everything about her character and an entire storyline for her completely out of my ass and said sure, why not go with this, but surprisingly it worked I think, and it feels disconnected enough from the rest but standing alone well enough on its own that I can probably do something original with it, as I actually really like the voice I came up with for her.

Eva’s “Big Sisters Know Best (so when I say I’ll die for you: just say thank you and never look back)” I’m actually damn proud of, because its always fun when you successfully sucker punch yourself, let alone with a plot twist you don’t see coming on the reread even though you came up with it in the first place, lmfaaaaaao, and you’re like well hot damn, I do NOT remember doing that but guess I did, wow, go me.

But the big winner for me was Syl’s “The Kind of Girl You Bring Home To Meet Your Parents (when you’ve got the kind of parents that need killing).” That was always a fave, and I’m super stoked it held up as well as it did, cuz I’d hoped it would but wasn’t sure if I was just remembering it through nostalgia-colored glasses and it hadn’t actually been all that great. 

(One of the three longest ones in that series, it was a one-shot a whopping 30K in length, in which Syl wants to hijack the local mob’s operations in order to gain access to a Manticore facility in the same city so she can blow it to kingdom come, because Syl’s a little bit crazy in that ‘I know I’ve got issues and I’m totes fine with them, especially as long as I’ve got my trusty grenade launcher’ kinda way....and so to accomplish her goals, she seduces the son of the local mob boss in order to get close to his father and the inner workings of the mob. Only she eventually realizes this kid is a fucking innocent in every sense of the word, wants nothing to do with his family or their business, hates his dad, who’s abusive as hell, and once Syl concludes what she came there to do and has everything she needs, she’s halfway out the door - well, window, technically - before she stops and groans and bangs her head softly against the wall cuz she’s like, uggggh fuck, he’s totally gonna get blamed for this and his dad’s probably gonna kill him and my Jiminy Cricket’s gonna be a fucking BITCH about it forever, so, well, looks like I don’t have a choice, guess I gotta murder his dad and overthrow the mob so he can skedaddle and live a quiet life on a farm in Bumfuck, Whereverville, god, I so did not need this tonight, thanks a lot conscience, like DID I FUCKING ASK, UMM NOO?)

So like, I think that one’s got definite potential to do something else with, possibly turn into an original project, lol.

Anyway, randomness is random, but yay Wayback machine! Still kinda bummed that I could only seem to find half of them, you’d think that’d be enough to make it easy to find the other seven but nope, apparently not. Its really only Jondy’s fic that I still really want to track down though, the other six I could live without. Okay, I kinda want to reread Brin’s and see how that one holds up too. Okay and Jace’s so never mind, scratch that, still wanna find all the other seven, lmao. (I did NOT make it easy to keep track of anywhere I was or anything I was doing fifteen years ago. The mutuals on here who knew me all the way back then can attest to that, lol. Ah me, part two).