#see if I were the other actor it would have taken so many takes

[woundedheartwithin]

Kazama Kimichika: Kyojo Zero (2023)

[winter-spark]

CitoIta and Kingdom Hearts Headcanons

Because I like Kingdom Hearts and I like them and they are gamers

(I say CitoIta but honestly, it’s just because it’s about Citron & Itaru, the ship is kinda vague here lol. Like it’s probably optional to read it that way at this point)

(There’s an attempted bonus section about Banri at the end, that’s why I tagged him.)

{Opening in new tab is strongly advised. I used bullet points with sub bullet points. UPDATE: I personally struggled with opening this in a new tab on the blog where all the subpoints are properly formatted, so I pinned it so you can go right to my blog and find it easily if you want. Also I moved the Intro below the Keep Reading link for space.}

Keep Reading (I manually put this one so it would hopefully always open in a new properly formatted tab)

In this post, scientifically backed by my memory, understanding of the characters and other things (eg: feelings, unlisted headcanons, & my understanding of types of people in fanbases/the kh fandom, minus shippers, I’m not touching that... here, I might consider it in the future, probably not but maybe), I will go over basics like how many games they’ve played and their fave games, trios, characters by groups, and moments. Also, there are conversations and little tidbits about how it fits into their world. I tried to pick a favorite battle but note that they probably have more than one those are just notable ones that I thought were worth mentioning. There will be KH spoilers if you’re someone unfamiliar/not caught up with it. 

Citron

Has not played every game but has looked into the story and watched playthroughs of some of the other games.

Hasn’t played the games he has played in order, 

Might not have caught up on the story in order but if so that’d be more because he was looking for specific characters and info

Has definitely played BBS, Days, CoM, UX, & Dark Road. 

Might’ve played (one, two or all three of the following, idk) DDD, Re:Coded, KH

Has definitely not played KH2,

Likes to find/delve into theories

Read the Sleeping Realm Theory 

to Itaru, because he thought it sorta sounded interesting but told Citron he wasn’t reading all that.

I don’t know any other names of long theories besides SRT but you can bet your bottom dollar that Citron has read(or listened to) them for sure

Wants very much to try Sea Salt ice cream

Considering figuring out how to make Wayfinders

UX Union:

Anguis 

and has never switched unions

Favorites:

Game: Birth By Sleep

Trio: Keyblade Knights

Lost Trio is a close second

Character from each group:

Destiny: Sora

Sea Salt: Axel

Keyblade Knights: Aqua

Twilight Town: Hayner

Lost Trio: Namine

but Vanitas is a close second

Organization 13(minus Sea Salt): Xemnas, Zexion/Ienzo or Demyx(probably depends on the day)

Foretellers: Luxu

Xkids: Brain

& He gets bonus points for dressing up his Chirithy

DR Underclassmen: Vor

DR Upperclassmen: Vidar

Xehanort: Xemnas (?)

I know I listed Xemnas as one of his faves in Organization 13 but genuinely I feel it’s a v love hate relationship, where the love is that he can and definitely would(is like two seconds away from it) do an analysis on Xemnas’s actions/behaviors/character

Boss Battle(that he definitely 100% played): 

BBS Aqua ft. Terra vs Terranort

Opening:

Birth by Sleep 0.2 A Fragmentary Passage

Moments/Tidbits:

Involving Fave Trio:

All three:

KH3

Terra gaining control and saving Aqua and Ven

Aqua:

BBS

Doing her job but still standing up for Stitch

Giving up everything to try and save Terra

BBS 0.2

Knowingly chasing after illusions of her friends because she misses them so much.

Terra:

BBS

Gaining hope from meeting Cinderella

Standing against Eraqus to protect Ven

Ven:

BBS:

Running away with Stitch, lowkey being a space criminal

DDD:

Putting his armor on Sora to protect him from the darkness 

Involving someone other than Fave Trio:

KH1:

Kairi protecting Sora/saving him from being a Heartless

Days:

that Sora just subconsciously gave some of his memories to Xion because she didn’t have any

DDD

Neku telling Joshua Shibuya is his home too

Sora going off to thank the Dreameaters

Commonly Quoted(? idk what else to call these, i specifically mean the ones you find in compilations and stuff) Lines from the English Translation: “[’Me? I’m already half Xehanort'] ‘That’s nuts...’”

Bracketed the first part bcuz I think he uses the second part as a reaction sometimes, same infliction and everything

It’s at the point that Tsuzuru’s familiar with it, against his wishes(If Citron says the first part Tsuzuru might accidentally properly respond, that’s how deep in he is, he’s not even sure who Xehanort is(but he does think that’s nuts))

Final things of note: 

Is excited for Atlantis in KH2

Enjoys the attractions in KH3:

Loves that Dark Aqua could be beat w/ a pirate ship 

Loves that there was a roller coaster in the Keyblade Graveyard

Favorite Summons:

KH: Tinkerbell & Bambi

KH2: Stitch

KH3: Ariel & Meowwow

Often forgets he has items but has gotten really good at blocking and healing because of it

Very good with magic

Itaru

Has played just about every game in release date order, 

with just about 100% completion on all of them

Is (lowkey, but acts highkey) appalled Citron hasn’t played the games in order, currently planning time for them to play through all the games together

Has read the manga and maybe some of the light novels

Does look at theories sometimes, might even have a few of his own, definitely has his own headcanons

Secretly wishes he could share a Paopu Fruit w/ someone

UX Union:

Vulpeus

There’s a possibility he might’ve tried the other unions at some point but Vulpeus is his main and current union

Favorites:

Game: KH2

Trio: Sea Salt

Character from each group:

Destiny: Currently Riku, 

Wants it to be Kairi, but it’s just not, is always excited and ready for Kairi news tho

Was Sora for awhile

Sea Salt: Roxas, 

It really is, but he would absolutely main Xion if given the chance

Keyblade Knights: Aqua

Twilight Town: Roxas  Olette 

though he somewhat feels guilty to Pence as feels like he spent more time with Pence but that Olette is just a tad bit cooler

Lost Trio: Rep,

but Namine’s a close second 

Organization 13(minus Sea Salt): Currently Saïx/Isa, but it’s kind of a love hate relationship

There’s also a lean towards Larxene

Foretellers: Ava

Xkids: Skuld

DR underclassmen: Baldr

DR Upperclassmen: Hoder

Yes he cried over their story, no he won’t openly admit it

Chikage did witness it tho

Xehanort: Ansem SoD

Boss Battle (that he definitely 100% played): 

Days Roxas v Xion

Opening:

KH2, 

not because KH2 is his favorite game but rather it adds to why KH2 is his favorite game

Moments/Tidbits:

Involving Fave Trio:

All Three:

KH3

Their whole battle/reunion

to clarify the Lea Isa scene is a part of that

Roxas:

Days

The scene around the Riku vs Roxas battle

KH2:

Roxas v Sora scene

(I debated between this and the DDD scene. Also I feel like his list of favorite Roxas moment is longer than this but)

Xion:

KH2:

The seashell in the opening... for Xion

Days

Xion getting her own answers and spending time with Namine and Riku

Xion leaving all those seashells for Roxas

Axel:

CoM

Letting Namine go

KH2

Sacrificing himself to save Sora

Involving someone other than Fave Trio: 

KH2

Sora and Riku in RoD

Coded:

(Data-)Riku reaching for the moon

UX

Ephemer and Skuld saving Player|Star(light)/bringing them to the new version of the world

KH3 Re: Mind

Playing as Kairi in that boss battle

The fact that Kairi throws her keyblade because she trained with Axel

Commonly Quoted(?) Lines from the English Translation: “Roxas, that’s a stick.”

Final things of note:

Has found all 101 Dalmatians

Has read fanfiction longer than the Sleeping Realm Theory

(which is actually really easy to do, I looked it up and the docs word count is 31,265)

Has his Data-bosses battles on his channel

Proud it only took a couple of tries to beat Yozora (he recorded each try to put his win on his channel)

Uses items all the time, knows when the best time to effectively use items for maximum item usage

“Actual" conversations:

Fave Games:

Itaru: *rambling about some KH2-related topic &/or how he can’t believe Citron hasn’t played 2*

Citron: ooo! Itaru, are you one of those guys who feels Kingdom Hearts peaked at 2?

Itaru: Kingdom Hearts 2 is just an objectively good game, the other games are good too though. KH2 is just, objectively speaking, great. Is it my favorite? Yes, but it’s completely warranted as...

Citron: *smiling as Itaru starts rambling knowing that he’s point two seconds away from going into a 2hr spiel about how KH2 is great*

Itaru: *clears throat catching himself early* A-Anyway, which one’s your favorite?

Citron: Birth by Sleep! I love the ice cream rhythm game :3

Itaru: *understanding that there’s definitely a lot deeper of a reason to that being Citron’s fave* Oh, that’s a good pick. Actually sorta seems on brand for you. Ice Cream Beat is pretty fun.

[Then they boot up Itaru’s copy of BBS and play Ice Cream Beat]

Play Order:

Itaru: So it’s a little late for you to get the full proper experience but we’re gonna play the games in order because it’s really the best way to experience the games.

Citron: Ok, speaking of order and since we’ll get to Birth By Sleep eventually, we both agree that the best way to play the first time is Aqua Terra Ven, yes?

Itaru [has played each route and in varying order, does not quite remember which order he played the game in the first time but is pretty sure it was Terra Ven Aqua]: ...Ven makes a lot of sense to play last...

Citron: Then I am glad we are in agreement. ^^

Itaru: Most people play Aqua last tho--

Citron: Sure chronologically she left Land of Departure last, but story telling-wise *starts talking about why Aqua, Terra, Ven is the best order*

Twewy: (I could do a whole other post on headcanons regarding them playing twewy, it’d maybe be shorter, tho maybe I won’t bcuz I feel like they know more than me lol(I say like Itaru doesn’t know more about KH than me *cries*). If I refer to twewy’s og name wrong here I’m sorry)

Citron: It’s cool that the twewy characters were in DDD. :)

Itaru: Yea. Oh you played subaseka before you met the cast in 3D right?

Citron: :)

Itaru: Right?

[Citron refuses to answer because he thinks leaving Itaru hanging is funnier than a yes or no ever could be]

Ansem SoD as Itaru’s Fave Xehanort:

Citron *three seconds after finding out*: So, is he your favorite because nostalgia as he was the first one you battled or because you think he’s hot?

Itaru: *chokes on being immediately found out because it’s both*

Bonus: Banri & KH Headcanons for no reason other than he also plays games

(With some obligatory Citron and Itaru mentions below because this is their post lol Banri’s not a part of CitoIta. Just to clarify)

Probably has not played all the games

Stares at Itaru whenever he starts talking about secret bosses or hard-to-find treasure chests/secret reports typically until he stops, lists a specific Banri is familiar with or Banri finds a way to shift the conversation. It’s not that he hasn’t come across them he just

doesn’t know which bosses are secret and which aren’t

doesn’t go out of his way to look for treasure chests

Partakes in the memes

Can quote more games than he played honestly, loves those “out of context”/”lines I quote” videos

Has memes saved to his phone

Azami and Taichi borrowed his phone once for picture reasons and Azami was appalled by the Aqua Cinderella meme & the Terra memes (ifykyk)

Probably had Xion’s scream from Days as Sakyo’s someone’s ringtone as a joke (can people set ringtones and ringback tones anymore?) but then he recieved a call from that person in public and was lowkey highkey embarassed so he unset it

He and Citron:

have done a Goofy rendition of Bring Me to Life one time

though Banri sorta begrudgingly participated

At least one Mankai member who was there said he’s not going Karaoke w/ them anymore

are quick to point out or send pictures of “Lucky Emblems” when they see them, it’s almost a contest at this point

Sakyo has asked them to stop sending “lOOk!! a LuCKy emBlem!” in the main chat with a picture of three connected circles, Itaru eggs them on tho

Itaru participates too but he doesn’t have the same luck in seeing them, he is the reason they started tho as in person he pointed one out so later Citron sent a picture of one to show him, so Banri just had to too but he sent two as he already had the pictures and was gonna show them later, so Citron had to find two more to be in the lead and after he found just one more, Banri caught on that they were competing and they spiraled from there

I know logically they don’t appear that often irl but I also know in my heart that it’s happened enough that Taichi, then Kazu and Kumon participated. Now,  the rest of Mankai keeps an eye out for them

Between Tsumugi’s picture of flower bulbs leaning together captioned “Does this count as a lucky emblem?” Izumi asking how many points she gets for a random spot on the ground that sorta looks like a lucky emblem & Omi sending a picture of at lighting set up from work saying “ at this angle this sorta looks like a lucky emblem right?” Sakyo’s feeling a little betrayed because each of those were during times when people weren’t actively mentioning them in the chat.

Winter Troupe is the first troupe to all find at least one “Lucky Emblem”

Autumn troupe (jokingly) blame Sakyo for them not being first

UX Union:

Has probably been in a couple, Ursus or Vulpeus most recently

Favorites:

Game: Dream Drop Distance

but would rather tell you he “hasn’t thought about it, maybe 2″

Trio: Destiny, 

but might not correct you if you guessed Sea Salt,

Character from each group:

Destiny: Riku

He honestly sorta relates in ways. I’m not gonna get too into it but like yea he feels.

Sea Salt: Roxas

Keyblade Knights: Terra, 

but he makes jokes that rag on him a lot so unless you know Banri you would probably think he hates him or just likes to make fun of him. He really does like Terra as a character tho. Feels for him too. But as we know bullying is his love language

Twilight Town: Seifer Pence

Seifer’s a joke fave because of the undeniable proof [they] totally owned [those] lamers (if ykyk)

Lost Trio: Vanitas, 

but Rep’s a close second

Organization 13(minus Sea Salt): Larxene & Xigbar

Foretellers: Luxu (?)

Xkids: Player|Star(light)

DR Underclassmen: Xehanort, “but Bragi’s kinda cool, I guess.”

DR Upperclassmen: *hasn’t actually caught up yet, but he likes Helgi’s design*

Xehanort: Young Master Xehanort(YMX)

Itaru says it’s because they’re both brats

Boss Battle (that he definitely 100% played): 

KH2 Sora v Sephiroth or DDD Riku v YMX [I couldn’t decide which one to list]

Opening:

KH3

Moments/Tidbits:

Involving Fave Trio:

All Three:

KH2

Kairi “calling Riku tf out” ultimately leading to the reunion

KH3

Riku talking with Rep on the beach, Kairi and Sora sees him sitting there by himself

Sora:

KH1

Sora giving his goofy smile before plunging a keyblade into his chest

KH3

Sora dropping down to protect Riku from Dark Aqua in the nick of time

Riku:

DDD

That Riku just subconsciously became a dream eater

KH3

Riku taking a stand against the heartless despite just about all hope being lost

Kairi:

KH2:

Kairi(and Namine) preparing to fight Saix and the berserker nobodies with their bare hands

KH3 Re:Mind

Kairi getting a surprise attack in on Xemnas

Involving someone other than Fave Trio: 

KH3

Yeetus Vanitas

Woody roasting YMX

DDD

YMX & Vanitas spouting “nonsense” at Sora

Lea showing up and Donald & Goofy dropping from the sky, ultimately coming to the rescue

UX

Star ready to square up with the Foretellers

mainly in reference to the Star v Ira speech/scene/fight but the Aced one too

Commonly Quoted(?) Lines from the English Translation: “Mickey it’s Riku, they put bugs in him!” & “Thank you Sora’s heart”

Final things of note:

Always plays on proud mode from the get-go

Not really a completion-ist but does have just about every trophy earned on DDD

Didn’t know you could lose to Yozora in the battle against him

Probably actually more of a Final Fantasy fan than KH, or at least got into KH because the Final Fantasy appearances

Bonus Convos:

Demyx:

Itaru: Yea, I can’t figure out Luxord, for Demyx I’ve seen people guess his name as Myde.

Banri: lol I like the theory that his name is Demyx and he just wandered into the Organization 

Citron: That one is funny, but as far as likelyness goes I like to think his name is Demy and they just slapped an x at the end.

Banri: The laziest naming.

Citron: Exactly!

[and then Banri and Citron start talking about Demyx and it somehow leads them to talking about Goofy’s “death” in KH2 and now they’re talking about KH memes and jokes and Itaru just wanted to know if they had any thoughts on Luxord’s name.]

Vanitas vs Aqua:

Banri: *(possibly somewhat jokingly) insinuates Vanitas is as strong but probably stronger than Aqua*

Citron: *gasp* No!! He is not.

Banri: Really? Then how come he almost took Aqua out?

Citron[genuinely loves Vanitas]: He is a rat! He cannot beat Aqua in a fair fight!

Itaru: I believe he means brat.

Citron: No!! I mean rat, feral ferret child! Can only beat Aqua after biting her and giving her rabies! And even then, she still has at least a week to destroy him.

Itaru: lol that’s quite the metaphor.

Banri: I... *got lost* ???

Itaru: He’s saying Vanitas can only use dirty tricks to even get close to beating Aqua.

Banri: ???

Citron: If Vanitas could beat her he wouldn’t have to result to tricks like firing at Ven, which she was already off her A-game then mind you. But honestly, if Vanitas can’t even get close to beating Terra what hope does he have to actually beat Aqua. I can vouch that he can’t beat Terra. I beat the Terra v Xehanort and Vanitas battle by whacking Vanitas around. It was really easy. Vanitas has only beaten Ven in a fair fight. He’s not nearly as strong as Terra and Aqua. It’s demonstrated through their elements, really. Vanitas is fire...

Banri: *stressed, wasn’t expecting a whole lecture, looks to Itaru for help*

Itaru: *nodding along listening to what Citron has to say*

So yeah those are some of my headcanons involving KH and CitoIta (and Banri with minor Mankai mentions.) If anyone wants to do Taichi(who idk could play already, while I haven’t picked any out I know what type of moments would be his faves, I just can’t figure out yet if he prefers characters he relates to or characters he thinks are cool/want to be like) or Kumon (who I’d feel would want to start after seeing them enjoy it, bet Banri and Citron would have him play chronologically by timeline rather than release order “for science”) or any other characters, really, I’d gladly read it. I can see Taichi & Kumon playing KH but I don’t feel like I know them well enough to do this with them lol. I’m not even sure I know Banri well even to this with him but I attempted it lol. If there’s any questions about my decisions I might answer them, some are easier to put into words than others though. 

Anywho, I dunno how to end this post tbh. Ship CitoIta, Play Kingdom Hearts. idk. 

Thanks for reading all of my nonsense lol.

[a-very-tired-jew]

Columbia University's Joint Anti-Israel Groups Go Mask Off

Hey, remember how Columbia University had students in encampments protesting for months? Remember how their SJP, BDS movement, and associated groups endorsed terrorism, violence, and "resistance by any means"?

I remember. Well their joint SJP and BDS group called CU Apartheid Divest just posted something to their Instagram that shows it has never been about Palestine or Palestinians.

Fig. 1. CU Apartheid Divest group, made of SJP, BDS, and other groups openly admits that they are anti-Western Civilization

Read that again.

"We are Westerners fighting for the total eradication of Western civilization."

That's a wild statement to make.

So what are they posting about suddenly that has them revealing their intent for their actions since October?

Bangladesh.

The CU Activists are attempting to liken October 7th attack by Hamas with the Bangladesh student protests. Bangladesh had a quota based employment system that students were protesting, the government responded violently, and everything escalated from there due to years of government corruption, violence, and economic turmoil. This was a protest turned revolution within a country by its own people. This was not a government run by a recognized terrorist group attacking another country, killing civilians, and taking them hostage.

However, the differences and reasons between Hamas's actions and the actions of the students in Bangladesh do not matter to the anti-Zionist Activist.

We've seen this repeatedly from these activists that they will try to liken their movement and/or attach it to other conflicts around the world. Many of these conflicts differ greatly from the Israel/Hamas war as they are internal issues with internal actors being involved.

Bangladesh is students protesting against their government.

Sudan is going through a civil war between various factions.

The Congo has been experiencing decades long violence as various militias fight each other for control.

Yet I've see anti-Israel protestors tag their posts with Free Bangladesh, Free Congo, Free Sudan even though these conflicts differ in origin and parties involved.

If you continue through the IG post you'll see very little information as to the cause of the protest/revolution in Bangladesh and continued attempts to coopt the actions for their movement.

Fig. 2. CU Apartheid Divest group tries to liken its student movements to the student protests in Bangladesh and calls to escalate.

I can't help but think that the CU student activists yearn to be oppressed in a way that would allow them to respond like revolutions and protests around the world. The way they speak and write exudes a yearning for violence. In Fig. 2. they detail the actions taken by students against an authoritarian government that has actively shot and killed protestors. Whereas here in the USA the students were forcibly removed from campuses, experienced some police violence, were arrested, and then released. No curfews with a shoot on sight policy were imposed here in the USA in response to college campus protests.

Fig. 3. CU Apartheid Divest classifies this as an Intifada and likens it to Hamas's attack.

Notice in Fig. 3. that they're trying to call the actions in Bangladesh an Intifada. Not an intifada, but an Intifada which is a proper noun with its own connotation. I know I may be a stickler here, but if I see that word capitalized then I know it's referencing the First and Second Intifadas, and I know that these student groups have been calling for a Third one under the guise of "Global Intifada". They also say that Westerners need to escalate and are "obligated" to do so.

Fig. 4. CU Apartheid Divest uses tankie terminology, refers to Bangladeshis as martyrs, and calls this part of the Global Intifada.

The terminology in Fig. 4. also shows how much the Free Palestine student movement in the USA is not actually about Palestine, Palestinians, or any other movement it tries to attach itself to. These are tankies as indicated by the use of "comrades" and they are wholly opposed to Western Civilization. They genuinely state that their movement should violently escalate here in the USA and that they should be prepared for "sacrifices". This language when coupled with the use of Intifada is alarming as it appears that these student activists are preparing to follow in the footsteps of the Second Intifada, or at the very least calling for others to do so.

These students, whom call themselves the Militants of Hind's Hall (seen in the IG post, but not pictured here), are coopting, or attempting to coopt, movements and conflicts from around the world for their own ideals. As these are students in the USA who are arguably experiencing the least amount of oppression when compared to these other conflicts, and are actively attending Ivy League or R1 universities, it can only be assumed that they're yearning to live out their Glorious Revolution fantasy.

I am under no illusion that I understand their reasoning. Are things perfect here in the USA? Of course not, but when compared to the countries that these student protestors are attaching themselves to, we are leaps and bounds better. And if you disagree, then I have to ask, when was the last time we had a curfew with a shoot on sight policy?

Anyone attempting to call this movement and group "peaceful" is naive. They've been telling you for months that they're not peaceful, that their goals are not peaceful, and that the only peace they want is after they commit violence.

The IG link for reference

[sweetestcaptainhughes]

Is it a Dark Day? - Cole Caufield

Word Count - 1.9k

Summary - For the first time since you started dating Cole, your depression seems to be coming back to kick you in the ass. Scared of how Cole will react, you do the only logical thing and pull away.

Warnings - depression, the effects of depression, executive functioning issues, but ends in fluff.

Authors Note: This the first part of a series I plan on writing where I take one mental health issue or any type of disorder and pick a player to write about how they would react if their significant other had it. If you have any ideas for future ones or future players please send me an ask. As always thank you for reading and sorry for not posting much lately. 💜

Let me love you masterlist main masterlist

Sometimes your brain likes to remind you that you were in fact not a normal happy person. It was an act that you’ve learned to master over the years, sometimes you're such a good actor you even fool yourself. Until your brain reminds you that you are in fact an actor. Someone who plays a part, and it will happen in a flash. Feeling as if you're having a good day, and then suddenly you hear a song that reminds you of something and you start to feel that exhausted and craving your bed. Or you will be out with friends and they remind you of something they find funny but it only reminds you of how much you were struggling at the time. Although the worst one was when you don’t even know the trigger, you could have been having a great time and then suddenly you will be on your couch for the next three days rotting away. 

The worst part was this time, it’s almost like you felt the signs but ignored it. It started with the fact that it had been a stressful week at work, then you felt tired all the time, you found yourself being late to work simply because you couldn’t get yourself out of bed. Sadly, you were used to this popping up every once in while, knowing it was inevitable to get this all too familiar sadly almost welcoming feeling in your head. It’s like you had a brain fog come over and no matter what you did you couldn’t shake the feeling. But this time was different from all the others, this time you were dating the actual definition of a very hyper individual who always had some joke to say or a smile on his face. Cole was quickly becoming one of your favorite human beings but you didn’t want him to see you like this where you haven’t even taken a shower in 2 days. Cole was one of those people that radiated sunshine and it made you sink further into your couch thinking about how he would react to you right now. Again, your brain makes you think that he would judge you like others have for when your brain made you hate yourself. Thankfully, Cole was on a roadie so what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. 

Knowing that you should probably answer Cole’s messages or answer one of his many facetime calls but you just couldn’t bring yourself to. Somehow during the last couple days, your mind seemed to alter your perception of time. Thinking that Cole would still be on his roadie for at least another day. But suddenly you heard banging on your apartment door. 

“Baby?! Open the door please.” Cole pleaded on the other side of the door. Hearing his voice shocked you to your core, part of you wanted to open the door and tackle him. Allowing yourself to feel his comforting warmth hoping that some of it would make you feel even a tiny bit better. The rest of you were screaming to pull yourself more into the hoodie that you were wearing, pulling the blankets higher up to hide your body from the world. Letting your emotions overtake you when you realized you were wearing Cole’s hoodie because you wanted him more than anything 3 days ago when you started your couch rotting. It’s funny how time can change things, because nothing could get you up now and walk 30 feet to go open your apartment door. 

Cole’s pleas and banging didn’t stop, “baby please! Tell me what I did.” he begged through the door. “y/n?” he said much softer than before, you could barely hear it from where you were hiding in your living room. “Please open up or I’m gonna use my key you gave me for emergencies.” The tears that were lightly streaming down your face now full on ugly crying. Of course that was the moment Cole decided to enter your apartment. 

Hearing the door shut behind him as he entered your apartment. “Love where are you?” he asked, before he noticed what appeared to be the shape of your body on the coach. Once Cole did notice you, it was like he was on his knees in front of the sectional in seconds, even though he was on the other side of the apartment. “Mamas you awake, my love?” he asked gently as you felt him taking his palm and rub comforting circles all down your side. As your body registered his voice and processed words and touched your silent sobs became very much more real and loud. 

“Hey shhh babygirl whats wrong?” he asked as his other hand not rubbing circles now your back went to grab the edge of the blanket. In a quiet voice Cole spoke his next words very carefully.  “Honey, baby I'm gonna remove the blanket okay.” 

His voice was telling you that he wasn’t asking but you didn’t care as you started to protest. “No no don’t” your voice started to crack “no I don’t want you to.” As you grabbed the blanket to keep it from moving. 

“Why not?” you could tell in his voice that he was feeling hurt. 

“I don’t want you to see me like this.” softly you admit not sure if your confession was more of admitting to Cole you didn’t want him to see you or confirming what your body was telling you earlier. 

His voice barely over a whisper “what? Did I hurt you? Baby you haven’t answered a single one of my texts in 2 days, I spent most of today trying to not panic as I called your phone. Please baby let me see if you're okay?” Hearing his voice on the last few words and how he seemed to be fighting his own emotions. Feeling as if your own heart broke at that moment, the last thing you wanted to do was bring Cole down with you. 

“You're gonna judge me.” you mumble, most of you knows that your thoughts are irrational but the part of your brain that’s calling the shots at the moment truly believes. 

“Never.” his voice stern. With that yoo you couldn’t help but let out a little okay. Within seconds you could feel Cole slowly pulling back the safety of your blankets. Only pulling them down enough to see your face. “Hi beautiful.” he grins at you, the relief clear not only in his voice but his face as his eyes are finally able to see you after being radio silent for 2 days. 

He moves your head so that you're looking up at him as he asks you “please tell me what’s wrong.” He moves his hands so that they are able to wipe some of the tears off your face. 

“I don’t know.” your voice squeaking. Finally letting your eyes focus on him, you see his face is full of nothing but worry. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I-” 

“You’re okay. I’m not mad, baby… I just- I want to know what’s going on in your head.” he admits, and your stomach drops at his confession. Loving Cole was one of your favorite things in your entire life, but Cole was different, he had this way of always being happy. How could someone who you have never even seen to have a frown on his face understand that your brain sometimes fights itself. Leaving you feeling as if even doing the most basic mundane task is out of reach and you don’t even know why. 

Cole has never seen you struggle with your depression and it’s a lot. On top of his busy schedule due to being in the middle of the season, trying to move up from third line or second. Somehow your brain has convinced you all in a matter of minutes that Cole doesn’t have time to sit back and watch you fight your battles. You didn’t even realize that you were lost in thought until you heard Cole’s voice again. 

“Baby” his voice is soft but loud enough for your brain to register that someone was speaking to you. 

“I- I- sometimes I just - my brain it's like it.” Struggling to say what you want to say, finding the words to describe how much you truly feel like death at the moment. 

“Is it a dark day?” he asks gently. You look at him in shock, “it’s okay to have a bad day every once in a while honey. Just please don’t push me away.” softly bending down and kissing your forehead, your body automatically chasing his lips as they leave your forehead. 

“What if it’s more than a day?” you ask.

“Then I’ll be here please just let me love you.” he asks.

“Okay.” feeling yourself caving, allowing Cole to help you, it's almost like your body felt just a sliver of lightness for the first time in days, knowing that Cole felt the same way with the smile he had on his face. 

He moved his hands so they were under your arms gently lifting you so he could lay comfortably with you on the coach. “Okay we can lay here for a little longer, then I’m gonna help you shower and get some clean sweats on alright?” 

All you can do is nod, feeling overwhelmed with the love that Cole is showing you. Cole stayed true to his words after a few minutes he picked you up and carried you to the bathroom. Balancing on the balls of his feet in front of you on the toilet seat, his hands resting in yours on your thighs.He already turned on the water to warm up “Do you want me to stay or are you gonna shower by yourself.” 

“Don’t leave.” the phrase rushing out of you, feeling scared if you didn’t get it out fast enough Cole would leave you again with nothing left but your thoughts to keep you company.

“I won’t until you tell me. We can shower together it’s okay” Finally making eye contact with him again, a giant pout on your lips looking as if you were gonna cry again. He took one of his hands that was resting with yours and took it to your face. “Hey hey you're alright. I promise. This will pass.” Finally moving his lips to yours for the first time since he came over, it was full of nothing less than the love he felt for you. He poured every single emotion into that kiss, it made you feel loved, safe, adored, cared for. Finally pulling apart you whisper a small ‘thanks.’ “Let’s get you cleaned up baby.” As he helps you undress and then quickly shedding his own clothes before helping you in the shower. He helped you wash your body and your hair, giving you little wet kisses all over your body, whispering reassuring words between the kisses. He wasn’t trying to start anything, he just wanted to show you how much he loved you when you couldn’t find anything to love about yourself. 

Cole stayed with you that night, actually his only entire weekend off. He had to go to morning skate that Monday morning since it wasn’t optional. But from that weekend on you never felt closer to Cole. He was your light even on your darkest days, and he helped you find yourself every time you felt your depression pulling you away. Every time he noticed you randomly ghosted him. Or seemed distant in your eyes like your mind was somewhere else, he would always ask you one simple question “is today a dark day?” so that he always knew how to care for his girl.

[the-bitter-ocean]

ISAT BAD END THEATER AU NOTES/SUMMARY (MAJOR FULLGAME SPOILERS FOR BOTH BAD END THEATER, AND ISAT/ SASASAP) After a long time brainstorming with friends I present to you.. “THE BAD TIME THEATER AU”!

This au is mainly created by me and @coffeewolf54 / @coffeewolfart together! This is not a exact 1-1 au and will def have some unique stuff in here to better match the themes of isat and bad end theater!

I’ve talked about this Au with a lot of my friends on discord ( thank you @felikatze @daily-odile @tealgoat and everyone else who decided to draw art for /listen to me ramble about me and coffee’s au.)

The general gist of the story and everyone’s roles are under the cut:

|Welcome one and all esteemed guests to THE BAD TIME THEATER! A place home to many tragic tales on display for the world to see.|

|I am “TRAGEDY”- (aka the Playwright and Narrator). Alongside me is “COMEDY”- (aka The Director) to help showcase what our theatre has to offer to you all. |

|The premise is simple: You can choose between one of four actors to see their stories and it is our job to show you their fates! Don’t fret if you are unsatisfied with a particular ending, my dear Stardust and I can reset the stage anew! That being said every path often leads to tragic ends..but ah, what else can you expect from a place like this? |

|Even still..even now I wonder.. if this unlucky cast can be saved…|

|…Oh well. We should move on now~!|

|Without further ado… let’s meet the main cast! |

[ISABEAU: “THE HERO”] - A human. His role is the courageous defender that was appointed by the King himself with slaying monsters and protecting people. He is good friends with the Maiden and has been over the years questioning their role that’s been given to him. The Hero is fairly certain that he has never met any demons before personally but very adamant in the belief that not all demons would want to hurt others. (Though if he were being completely truthful he’d much rather be a fashion designer then have to fight anyone. )

{ MIRABELLE: “THE MAIDEN”} - A human. Her role is the faithful maiden who’s meant to passively fulfill her destiny of being martyr lest the town supposedly be at risk from being attacked or killed by evil monsters. She is good friends with the Hero and tries her best to be a devout follower. A huge fan of stories and curious to see if demons are anything like the tales she’s read in her books. ( Though if she were being honest… she has some doubts about her role in life and wants to take action. )

< ODILE: “THE OVERLORD”> - A half demon (half human). Her role is the (seemingly) cold and pragmatic ruler of the demons, gaining the title after her father recently passed away. She is described by other people as standoffish, she seems to have taken in the Underling and their older sister under her protection. Wary of humans and tends to lean towards keeping her subjects safe by having very little interactions with them. ( Though if she were to tell the truth, she admits to wanting to have a world where demons and humans can coexist peacefully.)

( BONNIE: “THE UNDERLING”) - A demon. Their role is to serve the Overlord and was tasked to help by providing support to their people by creating food for everyone. The underling and their older sister got saved by the overlord a long time ago- so they’ve been really loyal to her ever since then. ( Though if they were being honest, they want to help protect everyone like the Overlord does and not be forced to stay on the sidelines.)

and last but not least we have…

<̶̨̬͕̬̼̼̜̋̇ͅ|̶̧̢̧̛̻̘̱̲̠̓͆̒̓ ̵̰̤̦̥̰͒̾̌͗͗͋“̷̧̼̘̼̻̂́͜ͅT̵̡̤̳̯͍͓̅͂̌̋̅͒ͅḨ̵̡̱̺͍̰̞̅̆̎̀͜Ė̸̹̜͇̬̥̇͋̾̈́ ̶̺̭̀̅̅̀̍̊T̷̹̭̊��̺̝̳R̶̗̱̹̙̍A̴̻͇̎̀̐̾̊̆̽͑V̴͚̫̦͚̅͂̈́̎͘͝E̴̦͋̈́̿̈́̑L̸̪̼̗̀̾̒͊̍͛Ĺ̸̮Ȩ̵̹͓̻͖̹̝̍͝ͅR̷̼̬̤̖̭͉̀̈̌͊̀͜͝”̸͎̘͆͊͜͝|̵̩͙͚̱̎̅͝>̶̳̬͙̫̘͈̆͐̍̓́̇͝- [??????? ERROR 404 DATA NOT FOUND]

|Huh? Oh my. Well, it seems like there’s been a mistake there! Pay no mind to that dear audience! We hope that you grow to love our actors as much as we do~! Let’s get the show on the road Stardust, we can’t keep our dear audience waiting any longer! |

[redclercs]

DELICATE✰ CHARLES LECLERC.

xiii. and all the pieces fall right into place

— the one where he’s in love with you.

warnings: mykonos inaccuracies, mentions of anxiety, language, not proofread sorry! have mercy and ignore the mistakes, i feel like this is very romcomish and i actually quite like it! 3.5k words (+articles!)

currently playing: i'm in love with you by the 1975!

masterlist ✢ next

IT doesn't come as a surprise that actress y/n y/ln is surrounded by rumors and he-said-she-saids, her life has been a constant rollercoaster since March of the present year, when the news of her breakup to superstar Aidan Kim due to her cheating were made public by various outlets.

Since she decided to 'speak up' not two months ago, after letting the world drag her throught the mud, which in this writer's humble opinion, is the clearest sign of guilt. y/n has been on the road of digging her reputation out of the cemetery, not minding that what's dead should stay that way: Dead AND buried.

The public's opinion on the 'Queen of Romcoms' is progressively changing to her benefit, call it manipulation or excellent PR, word on the street is that y/n has landed a role that will mean the complete turnaround for her career in Greta Gerwig's version of 'Little Women' (as if we needed YET another version), alongside industry figures such as Timothée Chalamet, Meryl Streep and Saoirse Ronan.

One thing's for sure, this role will make or break her sorry excuse of a career. I hope you have taken acting lessons, y/n, because actual actors are about to give you a run for your money.

SEE ALSO:

→ Aidan Kim's 'In Your Pocket' M/V features ex girlfriend's belongings.

→ y/n y/ln and Charles Leclerc meet again in Paris.

→ Matilde Bassi takes on the role of Elphaba in her return to Broadway.

August 18th, Mykonos, Greece.

It's true what they say: everything is worse in your head.

It isn't like you to prove motivational Pinterest quotes right, but they are right. This trip looked wildly different in your head and not exactly in a positive way, though, to be fair after the shitshow you've lived through for half the year, your head is not the happiest place on Earth. Or the one that sees the glass half-full.

Anxiety was the only thing fueling you (besides a shaken espresso, again not the brightest idea) as you left Paris with Charles. Hyper-aware of his presence next or behind you as if he was this magnet you couldn't tear yourself apart from.

"What is it?" he'd asked a couple times when he felt your gaze on him as you waited by your gate for the flight to Athens. Charles was the textbook definition of confident and composed, hiding his expression behind a pair of Bvlgari shades. At the end of the day your destination had been his choice, which was fine by you. If you had to think any more than absolutely necessary about the trip and everything it involved, you would have backed out and ran back to New York with Matilde. And Charles knew this, so he took charge.

You only had so many 'it's nothing's in you before admitting that you were terrified. Not of him, of course, but the jumble in your brain and your heart didn't translate properly into words and it only added on to another fear: making a fool of yourself. After all this was, in its reason, absolutely terrifying. Confronting your feelings for Charles after months of denying you had them felt like some twisted exposure therapy. And the voices in your head that sometimes sounded a lot like Mati and others way too close to Victoria and Aidan, went from telling you that it is obvious Charles feels the same way to reminding you of how unlovable you truly are.

But it was all worse in your head.

Your brain has toned the fight or flight instinct per your insistence that it is supposed to be for actual life-threatening situations, not seeing Charles Leclerc in a bathing suit.

So you're enjoying the sun on your skin and the breeze in your hair. It's a beautiful place and you deserve to have a good time with someone you have grown to care about so much.

“Having fun?” You ask, letting your sunglasses slide past the bridge of your nose to look at Charles properly.

It’s yacht day, and although you don’t usually fare well in boats and were dreading the nausea even before you set foot in the thing, you’re doing pretty well.

“Of course I'm having fun, I'm with you.” Charles replies, smiling. He's lying next to you in a lounge chair, basking in the sun.

It's probably not a good idea for you to be tanning, since, if you get lucky you'll be playing a girl in a piece taking place in the United States Civil War. But if anything, you'll find a way to solve it.

"Are you sure that's going to look good?" you question, raising an eyebrow as Charles points the Polaroid in your direction. The quite strict 'no phones' policy was his idea, and you agreed in a heartbeat. You were willing to let the outside world outside. Which is what led you two to buy an extremely overpriced Polaroid camera in a tourist shop. "There's too much light."

Charles shrugs, snapping the picture while you still have your eyebrows raised. "We'll see."

You already have a collection between the pages of the book you carry with you in your suitcase, and it's only been one day since your holiday started. Charles and you take turns with the camera, but to be honest it's mostly him taking candids of you and showing them off excitedly.

"Gorgeous," he says after he's shaken the little square enough to reveal your image glaring at him. "Even if you are giving me a dirty look."

You laugh before rolling your eyes. His compliments come more often now, and he awaits your reaction with a slight anxiety that recedes when you smile. "My turn to have it."

Charles holds the camera close to his chest. "Not yet."

"You're so unfair,"

This makes Charles laugh again, but still doesn't give the camera up. "Fine. Let's take one together, soleil."

This would be your second picture together in the whole trip. The other one is a very bright depiction of your confused faces as you tested the camera for the first time. You wanted to throw it to the trash before Charles took it from you and kept it in the pocket of his trousers.

Charles makes the most space for you to sit down in the lounge chair as he possibly can, but there's a reason they're individual, so you're still halfway on top of him as you try to fit in the frame. His skin is warm, as it was expected from being in the sun, but your body reacts in the opposite way, exploding in goosebumps.

"Are you okay?" he asks, lowering the camera. His Adam's Apple bobs as he swallows, trying to keep his eyes on your face and not the bright pink top of your bikini.

"Perfect," you retort too quickly to be truthful, "I just— I'm in your personal bubble."

Charles chuckles. His free hand goes down from your shoulder to your bare waist in a second, pulling you closer to him and over-confident movement that shocks even Charles himself. "I like you being here."

You don't know how to react to the most obvious flirting you have been subjected to by Charles. You are not even sure you're capable of flirting back.

Your relationship with Aidan just happened. That's the only way you could describe it for the three years that you were with him. It happened because it was supposed to, you met in the set of a romcom, you kissed and kissed and kissed, and suddenly you didn't have to act as much in love as you had to just live it in front of the cameras. It made sense, at least for a while.

You couldn't pinpoint the exact moment in which you had fallen in love with Aidan Kim. You had just let your relationship from coworkers to fictional lovers to actual lovers run its course the way you thought was normal and expected. Maybe that was the first mistake in a long line you can't seem to stop dragging around. It's not like you didn't love him—in some moments more than others—but it didn't feel like you had fallen in love with him.

And with Charles, it couldn't be like that. It hadn't been like that from the start, but you still felt like you could fuck it up any second just by not being able to make a flirty retort without sounding like you were being strangled.

"You do?" you reply, letting your weight fall a little more on his legs. Maybe words can be left behind if you can get a grip on your actions. You don't want to be afraid, and you want to cross that threshold with him, finally.

He only holds your waist tighter, clearing his throat before readying the camera once more. Charles wants to kiss you, of course he wants to kiss you. He has probably wanted it since he saw you that day in his Driver's Room sneaking away with a granola bar and a bottle of water. But he also doesn't want to do it in the middle of a yacht, rushed and mostly hormone-driven.

"Ready, soleil?" Charles asks, his breath tickles your neck and you sink your fingers into his shoulder.

"Ready." you smile, enjoying the warmth of his body more than you do that of the sun.

─────────

You finish applying your peach colored lipstick three seconds before Charles knocks on the door to your room. Although you're exhausted from the sun, you're also relaxed and content, you can't wait to spend more time with Charles.

"Hi," you greet as you open the door. Charles is wearing khaki shorts and a half-unbuttoned white shirt, and the same Bvlgari sunglasses he's been carrying everywhere rest low on his chest. "I'm ready!"

Charles nods, holding his hand out for you. "You look beautiful, soleil."

"Thank you," you smile at him, taking his hand, although you wish you could have wiped it on your sundress before giving it to him. After the yacht, the whole aura shifted. Charles' gaze lingers on you more than usual, your fingers look for his, grazing each other until he finally intertwines them. You hope the sun melts you into one another.

Though maybe you should start by hoping you finally get the guts to kiss him.

It was your idea to get some drinks before dinner, and after a simple Google search you found a pretty place where you could chill while watching the sunset. Regrets came after that, when you found out you had to walk uphill to get to the place. Charles can't stop laughing as you whine and drag your already sore feet.

Once you are led to your seats—a pair of cushions on the floor of the terrace—you stop complaining. The view is magnificent and the expectation hanging in the air has you buzzing in the best way. Something is going to happen, and you know for the first time in months, it is going to be good.

Charles is talking about last year's Dutch Grand Prix, when your phone rings. While the idea of no phones allowed was lovely, it was a little unrealistic considering both your careers. But you have made it work with the "only urgent calls" feature and automatic response texts, so you know this is probably really important.

Matilde is staying at your house per your insistence that, even if you weren't there, she could make herself at home. But sometimes she still calls you to make sure that whatever she's doing is okay with you.

"Go ahead," Charles nods gently, thanking the waiter as he places your drinks in the tiny table between your cushions.

The unregistered number appears familiar as you stare at your screen, and you snap back to reality before missing the call. "Hello?"

"Hello," it's a female voice on the other side of the line, chirpy and clear. "Am I talking to Amy March?" she laughs, a hint of excitement in her voice.

Charles notices the way your demeanor changes and he's unsure of how to react in return. The hand holding your iPhone against your ear has begun to shake and your mouth is hanging slightly open, lower lip trembling.

You did it. You got the role.

You are coming back.

"y/n?" Charles ventures, anxiously.

"YES!" you speak to the phone again, unable to moderate your tone. "Yes, this is her!"

The casting director on the phone laughs again, although her ear is probably ringing. "Hello y/n, I just called to let you know about the role you got in..."

You try your best to pay attention to her as your eyes drift to Charles, your free palm pressed to your mouth, yet unable to hide your grin. The muscles in your face are still trembling with a mixture of excitement and the urge to cry. You thought happy tears would never come back to you.

Still unsure of what's happening, Charles looks at the people around you. Some have started to stare, others have already made up their minds about you being some crazy, noisy tourists and aren't interested in that. At least he's starting to feel relieved that you're smiling, although there are tears in the corner of your eyes.

You agree to a meeting next week and thank her around a million times before hanging up. It's official.

Charles remains silent, anxiously waiting for you to share the news.

"I got it!" you screech, and tears roll down your cheeks. The salt in them touches your lips, but you relish them. You are happy, ecstatic. "I got the role, Charlie!"

An audible sigh escapes from Charles' lips and before he knows it, you're throwing your arms around him. Not even giving him time to speak.

You're still crying as he envelops you in a hug that leaves you breathless. His hand runs down the back of your head and pulls you closer by your lower back.

"I knew you could do it," he whispers softly, before his lips brush against your temple. "Congratulations my sun."

The possessive has your stomach filling with butterflies and you hug Charles even tighter. You are grateful for him, because he did believe in you, and he has stuck to your side no matter how crazy your environment gets. He cares about you, genuinely and deeply.

Later you will have a recollection of moments that are tinted pink in your mind. Reminding you of all the times where you realized you were in love with Charles. But this one right here is the one where you realize you are so in love with the man holding you in his arms you can hardly breathe.

"Thank you, Charlie," you hiccup slightly, overwhelmed with every single emotion in your body. "Thank you."

Charles kisses your cheek gently, holding your face with both hands. "I'm really proud of you."

You smile widely as he runs a thumb across your cheek to wipe your tears. "Thanks."

You return to your own cushion hurriedly, too happy to feel embarrassed about the show you just put up for the rest of the tourists.

Now there's just one thing left for this to be perfect.

─────────

You're walking hand in hand back to the hotel, stopping with any chance you get. Attempting to make the night longer before you have to part ways at the door of your respective hotel rooms and spend yet another night tossing and turning, haunted by what could be or what could have been between the two of you.

But time is running out as you reach your floor and neither has given that step that will throw you both off the edge. In a good way, though.

"So, goodnight?" Charles rubs the back of his head anxiously, letting go of your hand as you rummage your beach bag for the key to your room.

You look up at him, the keycard already between your index and middle finger. "Goodnight, Charlie."

It's all awkwardness as Charles reaches for your hand again and gives it a gentle kiss. His stubble feels raspy against the back of your hand. You wrap your arms around him again letting your hand touch the back of his neck. Neither of you want to actually say goodnight.

"See you tomorrow," you mutter, aware that you've already hugged him more than what's socially acceptable.

Charles nods, squeezing your hand one last time before letting you disappear inside your room.

You want to scream into your pillow and hit yourself in the head. But Charles would probably be able to hear the banging against the wall and it would mortify you. You make yourself busy for a few minutes by removing your makeup and changing your clothes, before you finally listen to the impulse nagging your brain.

Go and find Charles.

You open the door to your room before your anxiety makes you hesitate and you find Charles closing the door to his.

"Oh," you say, slowly.

"Do you want to sit with me on the balcony?" Charles rushes to say, fighting against his anxiety much like you.

Both your rooms are the exact same, so when he points to his room, you move out of the door to yours instead.

"Yes."

Charles enters your room slowly, as if it's unknown territory, although it mirrors his. Maybe a little messier since you just threw your clothes all over the place as you ranted to yourself about how stupid and childish you were being just ten minutes ago.

"Sorry for the mess," you cringe, throwing the bottom of your bikini to one side with your left foot. You will probably be looking for that thing like crazy tomorrow, but you're trying to focus on the now.

"It's okay," Charles assures, smiling as he crosses the room to the glass door that leads to the balcony. Two lounge chairs and a simple table await.

You follow after him once you've grabbed some tiny bottles from the mini bar, two Red Labels and one Hennessy. Offering one to Charles before sitting in the chair next to him. Liquid courage, if anything.

Charles uncaps his Red Label and jiggles it gently towards you. "Toast?"

"To what?" you question, placing the tiny cap on the table. You've toasted to your new role several times already, and honestly it doesn't get old, but you want Charles to say whatever is on his mind.

"To us," Charles smiles, his eyes never leaving you. "For being here, together."

You clink the tiny bottle against his before downing half of the whisky in one gulp.

Both stay silent for a few minutes, listening to the waves crash against the shore and the sounds of people getting back to their rooms on the other side.

"I can feel you looking at me," you hum, still staring out the balcony and not back at Charles. "Charles?"

"That's because I'm looking at you," he responds nonchalantly. "Because you're beautiful."

You finally look at him, shaking your head lightly. "Thank you."

"And I'm in love with you, y/n," he's almost breathless by the time he says your name, but doesn't stop to take a sharp breath. He doesn't even hesitate as he changes his position in the lounge chair, his whole body facing you. "I am so in love with you, I don't understand how the fuck is my heart able to keep beating."

It's like the world has paused for Charles to continue with his confession in peace. All of Mykonos is holding its breath, even the sea.

"I know you already know," he adds as you open your mouth. "But I have to tell you because I cannot keep swallowing the words every time you look at me like that. I'm in love with you, and you don't have to say it back."

You're moving in slow motion as you leave your chair, you can feel your hands shaking but fight against the motion of pinching your thigh or pulling on the string of your shorts. You're nervous, but you're not about to back down. Charles holds his breath when you stand in front of him, but stands up too.

"I'm in love with you too," you breathe, placing a hand on his chest. His heart is going so fast, it's like the words he spoke not a minute ago float in the air. "I really am in love with you, Charles."

Charles is mildly afraid of touching you, as if by doing so you would disappear. But the urgency to finally kiss you is bigger than his fear, and he wants to hold you and blend your bodies together and so, so many things all at once.

His hands grip your face firmly, but not with enough strength to hurt you and you close your eyes, melting into the way his lips touch yours. Softly, tentatively at first. As if testing the pieces of a puzzle you're not quite certain they fit together. But you respond immediately, moving your mouth against his and taking your hand to his jaw.

And it's like overflowing gates have finally opened.

Charles stumbles back to the low chair, pulling you with him swiftly yet with care. His hands have traveled down to your hips and he helps you settle on his lap, straddling him. He has wished for this moment so many times, has fantasized about it on countless occasions, and none of those daydreams compare to the way your lips feel against his. The way your hands move to his hair and how you grip his shoulders to maintain balance.

And it's only when you really need to breathe again that you break the kiss. Your chests rise and fall frantically, matching your heartbeats. You can't wait to kiss him again. You never want to stop kissing him.

He's staring at you, and he has never looked more beautiful than right now with his disheveled hair and reddened lips. And his eyes are so bright when he looks at you, your heart races even more.

So you kiss him again, pressing your chest tighter against him as he holds the back of your head and your lower back. His tongue tastes like whisky and mint as he runs it down your lower lip, and you let him deepen the kiss as much as he wants to. Both of you have wanted this for months, and it's enough and nothing at all, at the same time.

"I'm yours, y/n," Charles says between kisses, breathless and with a tinge of desperation. "Je suis à toi, mon soleil."

And you kiss him again, and again, and again. Because you're his too. You have been his for so long.

─── team principal radio: ❝in the wise words of taylor swift: it's been a long time coming! thank you so much for reading I hope you enjoyed this chapter because i LOVED writing it. also, thank you so much for being so patient and waiting for an update! i'm glad you're still here❤️❞

✰ paddock club members: @sassyheroneckgiant @flowerchild-96 @fangirlika @shegotboreddsoo @roseamongthorns13 @cissyp @chimchimjiminie16 @saturnsrinqs @roni-midnights @gayyvodka6 @studioreader @jamie-selwyn @lu-morningstar @ferraribabe @reidsworld @feelslikestrawberries @celestialams @kosmosgalore @missenclod @buendiabebeta @karmabyfernando @mycenterfold @aces-tattooartist @burningrred @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @rainybabe25 @ru-kru @lazybot @teenagedreams-cl @cool-ultra-nerd @kuskumu @formulakay3 @bisexual-desi @somanyfandomsbruh @icarus-nex @aethernals @xoxoloverb @xjval @strolleclercs @headinthecloudssblog @incoherenciass @bookophiliac @torrie421 @nooshytushie @azxulaa @steephanie07 @anonymous8462 @tbsloneely @pukklv @bn7921 @be-your-coffee-pot @fdl305 @lovely-blackinnon @landonorizzz @ruleroftheuniverse @ivegotparticulartaste

want to join the paddock club? click here!

if you are not tagged please check your blog settings because tumblr isn't letting me tag you

[orionsangel86]

Hob Gadling - A Queer Romantic?

I have been listening to The World's End chapters of The Sandman on Audible lately and just finished Hob's Leviathan. I didn't pay this story much attention when I first read the comic, as I tended to read through the stories quickly and put more focus into the stories where Dream had a larger role. But one of the reasons I like listening to the Audible book is because it allows me to absorb each story more thoroughly and take my time thinking about each one and the (usually multiple) meanings behind them.

Hob Gadling is a character that fandom has fallen in love with. I think this is clear to anyone that takes even a partial glance at Sandman fandom. This isn't a criticism - Ferdie's performance as Hob in the Netflix show has done wonders for Hob's character. He has made his version of Hob very easy to fall in love with!

But the truth is that in The Sandman comics, Hob is a minor character who we only get to know very little about. The story Hob's Leviathan appears in The Worlds End Sandman book. We only meet him twice before this, once in The Doll's House, where we are introduced to him in Men of Good Fortune, and again in Season of Mists when Dream comes to let him know that he may miss their next meeting. In both these issues, Hob is introduced via the narrator, and therefore I like to think that we are given a fairly honest representation of the kind of person he is. We watch him grow and learn throughout the centuries in MoGF, but one of the major takeaways from this I believe is that he tends to always be on the wrong side of history. He makes bad choices and can be a bit narrow minded. He is rude and selfish and also rather self-absorbed. I actually think that the performance of the voice actor who plays Hob in the Audible book emphasises these character flaws making him even more unlikeable in many ways, though I am aware that this could just be my own experience and opinion.

But Hob's Leviathan takes a different view of Hob. Literally. The narrator of this story is a young boy of 16 called Jim. Jim met Hob on a ship travelling from Bombay to Liverpool in 1914. Jim was working on the ship as a cabin boy and Hob had bought his passage back to England - though it is revealled at the end of the story that Hob actually owned the ship they were travelling on. It is clear that at this point in time, Hob is extremely wealthy.

Jim attends to Hob throughout the journey, and grows very fond of him. In Jim's tale, Hob is a good man, who is kind and thoughtful and cares about others. He saves the life of a stowaway (who turns out to be another immortal). He is shown to be patient, and funny, and very intelligent. Jim waxes poetic about how smart Hob is, and how much he impressed him. It is particularly clear in the Audible book that Jim is taken with Hob, to the point that it could arguably be a crush.

It is fascinating how much more likeable Hob is when narrated from the viewpoint of someone with a crush on him, whether this story is exaggerated through rose tinted glasses is of course something to consider. All the tales in World's End are just that, tales. There is a constant undercurrent of exaggeration and make believe to them where even the other patrons of the inn question elements to each of the stories. We are not supposed to take these stories as absolute fact, rather they are supposed to reveal to us more about the narrators as well as their own experiences existing in this magical and strange world.

When it is revealled that Jim is actually a girl called Peggy in disguise so they can get work on the ships, the quite obvious crush makes more sense to a heteronormative audience, but what I particularly like about this story is its queer potential. See in the comic, it isn't really clarified if Jim goes by Jim because they feel more themselves as a boy, rather than a girl, or if they are disguising themself as a boy just to get work as a means to an end. I would argue that the latter is the more obvious interpretation. Jim tells the other World's End patrons that they are getting too old to keep up the disguise and will eventually have to stop working in shipping, and that when that happens, they will take on a new name, a new identity and do something else, but that for now, the patrons can keep calling them Jim.

*for a lack of clarity around the point in the comic, I am going to use gender neutral pronouns for Jim going forward*

Now from Hob's POV, he figured out that Jim was a girl, and they talk about it briefly along with the sea serpent they saw. I think that at this point, Hob is impressively progressive compared to the previous times we have met him. Now whether or not this is biased storytelling from someone who has a crush on him remains to be seen, but if we take Jim's word as truth, not only is 1914 Hob a fair and honest man who is willing to pay the way of a stowaway and fully respect the secrets of a young girl disguised as a boy so they can work on ships, but he's also totally comfortable flirting with them.

I like that he calls Jim the "handsome cabin boy". I like that this version of Hob, whether real or an exaggeration skewed by Jim's feelings for him, respects Jim's identity. Jim may be a girl in disguise, but Hob doesnt call her pretty, he calls him handsome.

It's all just a bit subtly queer and I like that for Hob (But then I would do, I'm a Dreamling shipper HA)

When Jim finishes their story, they state that they didn't see Hob again after that, but the comics later do give us a possible outcome to Jim's story...

We next see Hob in The Kindly Ones where he is mourning the death of his girlfriend Audrey. He briefly reveals that Audrey was the first person he had loved since Peggy, who was his lover until her death during the Blitz. Whilst it isn't made clear that Hob's lover Peggy is the same Jim that we meet in World's End, it is a bit too much of a coincidence. The timing adds up. If Jim was 16 in 1914, they'd be in their early 40s during the Blitz. Hob remains forever in his early 30s so I'd say its a safe bet that Jim eventually found Hob again and they were together. Hob loved them enough that he wasn't with anyone again until Audrey in the 80s. That's 50 years worth of mourning. A long time not to be with anyone, even for an immortal.

It's funny because we know so little about Hob, but one thing that I have seen commented on here a lot is that comic Hob is deemed to be as Straight as an arrow. Now I admit that the voice actor in the Audible book plays him very straight, but that is still only one interpretation.

All this is to say that I am fascinated with how the Netflix show will adapt this, since Hob in the show already comes across much kinder and more selfless than his comic counterpart. He already has an entire fandom viewing him as queer, and the comics certainly don't outright shut down such interpretations. There are moments in the comics that you have to wonder on. He does call Jim handsome rather than pretty, and when he talks to Audrey's grave he mentions his wives and loves as separate groups. He talks about finding it easy to get sex if you want it, and he talks about it in generally gender neutral terms. In Sunday Mourning Gwen reveals that she thought he was gay when she first met him, though her reasonings were that he knew so many dead people (a dark reminder that these comics were published at the height of the Aids epidemic). He reacts very badly to the news of Morpheus' death. He states on several occassions just how much he liked Morpheus, and he is one of the few people to wake up from the Wake with tears running down his cheeks. I would arguably state that its between Hob and Matthew as to who had the worst reaction to Morpheus' death, showing just how much both Hob and Matthew cared about him, and placing Hob on par with Matthew in the comics is a big deal. He seriously considers accepting Death's gift when she offers it, simply because Morpheus is dead. He doesn't, because at the end of the day, its just not in his nature to do so, and given he then dreams of Morpheus, I like to think that it was a test, that he passed.

When it comes to how the show will adapt all this, I genuinely think it will take a new approach with Jim/Peggy. I think they will be either a trans man, or at least non binary. But I think having Jim be a trans man is the better option. In the comics, Jim's tale is only very subtly queer, Jim clearly likes being Jim, but it seems like its a means to an end, a convenience in order to get work on the ships, rather than being something that is core to Jim's feelings on their gender. Besides, if we assume that Jim is indeed the Peggy Hob talks about in The Kindly Ones, then we know that Jim goes back to being Peggy when they get older and apparently continues living as a woman whilst they are with Hob, otherwise I doubt Hob would have referred to one of his greatest loves by a name they themselves rejected and only used she/her pronouns when talking about them. Nevertheless there is no reason for the show to take this approach, and if they DO decide that Jim should be a trans man, then their relationship with Hob is canonically a queer one. Trans men are men and if one of Hob's greatest loves is a trans man, then Hob is a queer man himself. I genuinely believe the show will take this route and I can't wait to see it.

Going back to my point about narrators bias, if MoGF, SoM, tKO, and TW are all narrated by a neutral third party, then this must be the true Hob. A not overly likeable rather selfish man. He has his good points, and he has certainly grown and changed over the centuries, and carries a lot of guilt for his past mistakes, but he is still quite self absorbed. Jim paints a picture of a rose tinted Hob that is far more the dreamy romantic older gentleman that took a young person under his wing. Which is fair enough.

The show is of course its own adaptation, with changes from the comics as it sees fit, but I do feel it's my duty to remind you that the show also has a narrator guiding the audience through its many stories. Dream of the Endless, Lord Morpheus, King of Nightmares and Prince of Stories himself. Take from that whatever you will.

;-)

[miaclemeverett]

amazon standing lamp - using drugs and sex and other unhealthy distractions and coping mechanisms to deal with losing people you love out of your own fault. the top-heavy amazon standing lamp part is a really old wilbur joke (back in 2020 he joked about naming a song this) and it also reminds me of how (i think it was him?) he once said that he moves house so often that he loses so many belongings and only has a few things left that he cares about, i think this pairs really well in the song how the artificial meaningless things are all that remain

mine / yours - the breakdown of a relationship, seeing the warning signs and the things you take for granted assuming a person will stay with you forever despite it all

around the pomegranate - this song reminds me a lot of "since i saw vienna", when a place (california in this song) becomes so married to a person that it serves as a source of comfort and nostalgia for when things were simple and happier. being on the road you can never set down roots and people come and go from your life

i don't think it will ever end - he lives life in front of millions of people (chat in this song) watching his every move, like an actor he either has to play the part he's made for himself or isolate himself from this audience, it's a repetitive cycle that sends him downhill

glass chalet - back in the dark days of 2021 i remember wilbur would always joke (SLASH SERIOUS) about quitting streaming and disappearing off the face of the planet for years without a single word. VERY HEALTHY MINDSET exhibited right here in this song

melatonin 130 - I LOVE 100 GECS!! but in all seriousness the constant reminder that you have mental illness/anxiety your entire life and you can only cope with it, that it impairs you even when you should be happy cus obviously you're living out what you thought was your dream and everyone else thinks you should be on top of the world duh!

oh distant you - JUST KILL ME. your sister was right but WORSE!!!!!!!! again you take for granted that someone will stick with you forever and only after it's over realizing that you can't fill the hole where they were. and again we're back on fixating on who is the villain in this narrative

eulogy - your sister was right but worse 2, this song focuses on the whispers (good and bad) leftover from a relationship. harkening back to screensaver where he says that the subject in talking about their relationship basically makes him sound like hitler, and your sister was right where he talks about the warning signs the subject should have seen, this squarely places the blame on him

dropshipped cat shirt - I LOVE 100 GECS!!! but anyway the grueling day-to-day of being on the move, singing to people who adore you and make up a version of you in their head, latching onto unhealthy coping mechanisms to keep going, you have everything you ever needed and wanted but you're bored out of your mind

the median - short but sweet! as i said earlier, wilbur always has to play a part, and this audience projects their version of himself as the truth

trying not to think about it - I KNOW I PUT DAMN NEAR THE WHOLE SONG DOWN HERE BUT LISTEN. again realizing how much you take for granted the assumption that someone will stick with you forever. wilbur has mentioned before how as a hypochondriac, he's never taken seriously by doctors whenever he doesn't feel well. also this idea of romance and love as something just for the aesthetic, not as something that gives you stability and meaning but realizing that it can be that for you until its too late.

10 week rule - who got him pregnant?? but in all seriousness i think this can be read as a way of turning a new page, but obviously its not as simple as just getting rid of something unwanted

[penwieldingdreamer]

Puppy Issues and Money Problems

Wow, oh my gosh. Thank you everyone for the likes, comments and reblogs. It's been a while since I had so much fun writing and gotten so many notes on a story. This is another one for the Austin thing.

Again, I tried to keep the appearance and description of the reader as vauge as possible, so you guys will be able to come up with your own picture for the reader, only thing I pictured it's a female reader, living in London with her british mother and american father, single mother of two girls Lottie (5) and Millie (3), and two years older than Austin.

Summary: Did Austin start to have feelings for you? Well, he's not too sure, but to you he's a great friend keeping your kids occupied - unfortunately with puppies - and your ex keeps messing up your plans.

Words: 1,9k

Warnings: fluff, some swear words, maybe a few tippos - if so, please let me know

Happy reading and enjoy. And please let me know what you think, if you want to be tagged or taken off the taglist for this.

Tagging: @sqrlgrl22 @buckysteveloki-me @rlinda6 @imusicaddict @fortheloveoffanfic @unicoreads

Aug. 2022

“You like her.”

It wasn't a question, more a statement. He was on a FaceTime call with Kaia, finally having wrapped his day filming when he saw the picture you posted. 

It was Lottie's birthday, so he called her while on his break. Austin was in his costume and feared that your eldest was going to scream when she saw him. He had told them that it was only for.the movie and they shouldn't be frightened but he wasn't too sure at first.

And scream she did, “Aus! Mummy look, it's Austin! He looks really cool and scary.”

His blackened teeth showed when he smiled at the screen, happy to see the girls and you again. It had been a few weeks, usually Lottie would take your phone and send pictures or videos of you cooking and dancing to Elvis or when Millie got a new toy dog and wanted to show him.

“Are you taking good care of yourself?” you asked him, seeing the tiredness reflect in his eyes. Even with his costume and great acting, you knew he wasn't completely okay.

Nodding his head, he was glad you were a friend he could talk to as well. “I do, Florence took me around Budapest yesterday.”

You hummed contentedly, your hands brushing Lottie's curls from your eyes and pulling Millie closer to you. “That's good, Aus, I'm glad to hear that. I'll leave you with the girls, I need to get back to work.”

“Don't work too much, I only ever see you working when Lottie's on the phone.”

“That's because usually those two are making sure my phone gets charged regularly.”

Chuckling, Austin shook his head at your joke. You walked out of the screen and he was left with your girls.

Florence, Zendaya and Timothée had found him amidst all the other actors and extras in the mess hall, laughing and talking on the phone.

“You know, it's kind of disturbing seeing him smile while in costume. He's such a cream pie and then he switches to being a psychotic murderer.” Florence told them, her eyebrows scrunched together as they made their way over to their co-star. 

“Yo, Aus, what's got you all smiling?” Timothée called his fellow actor as they sat down with him. They could see two little girls on the screen talking animatedly about something or other. He knew Austin didn't have kids so they must have been his sister's kids. “Those your nieces?”

Looking up, he grinned at the three and shook his head. “No, they're my friend's girls. Wanna say hello to my friends, girls?”

He saw them nod eagerly and turned his phone to Zendaya, Florence and Timo. The blonde actress crossed her hands over her heart. “Oh my, you guys are so sweet.”

Lottie and Millie were waving at them, broad grins on their faces. “It's my birthday today.”

A chorus of Happy Birthday sounded from his fellow actors and he couldn't help the warmth spreading in his belly. He knew he was friendzoned and he had a girlfriend back in Los Feliz, but he had to admit that whenever he talked to the girls he hoped to have a few minutes with you as well.

Now Austin was looking at Kaia's face and knew that she wasn't just talking about Lottie. "You know she's just a friend and I adore those girls to bits.”

“I know you do, they are cute and if I didn't have a lot on my plate right now I'd fly over and visit them. But Austin, babe, you got to be honest here.”

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. Thank god that bald cap was off for today. “I am, Kaia. We're friends, nothing more.” His voice was low and raspy from tiredness. 

“You sure?” 

“Yes.” No. “Besides, she's made it clear that I'd have no chance with her, no way in hell. Said she was too old and had two kids.” 

Humming, the model leaned back on her couch, watching him closely. “I miss you, babe.”

“Miss you, too. I'll be in London with Baz and then back in LA for the Governor's. I'd love to see you either way. “How's prep for the series going?”

She smiled at him and he saw the giddiness in her eyes. This was why he fell in love with her, her friendly, eager and lovable persona. “It's good, everyone's super nice and giving me tips. I really love working on that show.”

“Great, I'm glad to hear that.” Thinking back on why they actually had that call he was going to stop thinking about you like that. As he had told Kaia, you really were adamant about just being his friend with the girls taking a liking to him. He had a girlfriend he was proud of and hella in love with.

“Mummy? Can we get a puppy?” 

So why did the image of your daughters and you send warmth cursing through his system?

It was a repeating cycle with Lottie and Millie constantly begging you for a puppy dog. Ever since they had seen Kaia and Austin with Milo they wanted one as well. You sat at your desk working on a new blog article about a new recipe you had tried not too long ago. 

Good thing about your job as a freelancer was, you could work from home. Your oldest was going to start school in a week and Millie was still in Kindergarten so you wanted to focus on them and not be off to work and load those two rascals onto your parents. 

You'd get asked to write a blog or articles for a smaller newspaper. The pay was good and you had the time to work on your own blog as well, which you supposed,  was more of a hobby blog instead of something super serious. You started out as a family friendly blog then turned it into a Mom blog and now it had everything from your day to day life, talking about food, travel and family.

“Baby, I talked to you about that. We can't have a puppy yet. You need to go to school and I need to work as well.”

Her eyebrows creased and her lips pushed together in a tight line as Lottie fixed you with an angry look. “But Austin said if I'm a good girl I'd get a puppy.”

“No baby, he said if you're a good girl and ask me you might get a puppy. There's a huge difference in that statement.” You breathed out a sigh, getting back to the text you were writing.

She stomped her little feet and crossed her arms over her chest. “But I've been a good girl for years. You always tell me later, later. I want a puppy now.” 

God, Butler. Next time I'll kill you.

“We don't have the time for a puppy, Charlotte. That's final.” You hated being the harsh, mean parent but it wasn't going to work out if you started with Well, not right now, after you finished first grade. She was going to keep asking for a puppy for another few weeks.

Wide eyes and a trembling chin were the answer before she ran to her room, feet stomping loudly on the hardwood. “I'm going to call granny and tell her everything!” Her call was followed by the slam of her door.

Great.

Next time you keep talking about a puppy with the girls, you'll be the one dealing with the aftermath. 🫠

You knew he wasn't going to answer, being all around the world and filming Dune: Part 2 but you felt satisfied to give back some of his medicine. The last time Austin had been in London there was no time to meet up, so he sent them both a mini version of Kaia’s dog and promised Lottie and Millie to have her there to show Milo to them. Told them, if they were listening to you and talking with you about it, they might get a real puppy dog. Obviously that one backfired and you got the brunt of it.

Of course Lottie’s tantrum wasn’t the only thing keeping you from writing your article. Just as you thought the day couldn’t get worse.

Had an emergency at work. Don't cash the check.

You've got to be kidding me.

Fuming you instantly dialed Trevor’s number, already feeling your stomach churning from the anger towards your ex partner.

He was making things too fucking difficult for you. The dial tone always had bile rising up at the prospect of talking to him, conditioned like Pavlov's dog.

“Trevor! What the actual hell. You promised this time.”

“I know, but there was something at work and I needed the money.”

Closing your eyes, a deep sigh left your lips. Honestly, it sounded more like a groan than pushing actual air from your mouth. “God damn it. You know it's Lottie's birthday. She wanted to go to football camp this weekend and I already made the payment with the check. How am I supposed to actually pay for that.”

“Well, you could have waited before you started giving out big presents like that.” He mocked, annoyance coloring his voice and you could literally feel the eye roll through the phone. 

Your thumb and forefinger pinched the bridge of your nose, trying to remain calm was pretty hard right now and you wondered why you ever gave him the time of the day let alone have two kids with him. “You know what? If you were actually decent at keeping to the schedules we set up and being a good father I wouldn't always have to tell the girls excuses why their dad can't come to any of their FUCKING parties or recitals! 

Especially when you're supposed to pay child support because you didn't want them after all and just up and left. It's the third time now in the last two months and I've had it with your excuses.”

“And I fucking told you all the time that those were emerg”

“Work emergencies my arse! Did you fuck your secretary and got her pregnant as well?”

Trevor growled but you could hear a soft gasp. Of course she was there. Alice, his secretary at his office and the reason he left when Millie was only six months. “That's none of your fucking business. You went on dates as well after we broke up, so don't go blaming me if you're frustrated right now. You're blowing this money problem out of fucking proportions. I always paid on time, but I have some financial problems at the moment so you should give me some credit.”

God damn this man.

“I'm not going to give you credit for something you're supposed to do. I'll have my lawyer reach out to you, so you better be able to pay every god damn penny.”

You gave him no chance to answer, hanging up the instant you heard Trevor take a deep breath. “What a fucking tool.”

Told them they needed to talk to you about it. 🙃 Never promised a puppy, but if you want, I can talk to them. A😜

You'd be a lifesaver. They've been little gremlins ever since. 

I'll be done before they're off to bed. Call me and I'll talk to them both about the puppy issue.

“MUMMY! Can we get pancakes for dinner?”

Leaning back in your chair, you groaned deeply. You loved your girls but sometimes you just wanted a break - and a dad for them who'd take them off your hands.

Divider: @cafekitsune

[ikeoji-subs]

Zettai BL Ni Naru Sekai VS Zettai BL Ni Naritakunai Otoko 2024 - Episode 5 Eng Sub

VS THE START OF A ROMANCE and VS HELPING

For downloading instructions and where to find the raw files, please check our masterpost.

[Subs link]

We ask that you not upload our subs to streaming sites.

Sharing with friends is fine. We’re also OK with folks sharing them in other ways as long as they aren’t public. Please use discretion when talking about the fansub outside of tumblr, but don’t hesitate to get the word out in other ways, and feel free to promote it here. Please credit ikeoji-subs whenever possible—we put a lot of time and effort into this.

Feel free to use the fansub for fandom purposes. Gif-making, meta-writing, and other fandom-related creative endeavors made using our fansub are not only welcome but encouraged.

Thank you so much, as always, to everyone who has left nice comments in the tags and such. Y'all really make the hard work we put into this worthwhile!

And big big thanks to @my-rose-tinted-glasses for gifs and spreading the word about the fansub.

translation notes:

About “naresome”

As tends to happen when translating Japanese, this is one of those words that don’t exist in English. Its literal translation is “the start of a romance.” So, while we’ve chosen to translate it as “get together,” it would be more accurate to give a more extensive explanation. It is a noun that specifically refers to the moment that love begins. So when we’re talking about “naresome” we’re talking about the thing or situation that triggered the romantic relationship or romantic feelings.–Snow

about casting Tominaga Yuya as a guy who gets busy when it rains

I think this is another tokusatsu Easter egg. Tominaga Yuya, who plays Jouji in the “Vs. The Start of a Relationship” chapter, was also on Avataro Sentai DonBrothers, a Super Sentai series that ran from 2022 to 2023. His character, Sonoi, was the agent of a culture from another plane of existence whose members feed off of the brainwaves of human beings. At first, he and his associates Sonoza and Sononi were enemies of the DonBrothers, but they eventually joined forces with the Sentai. A big reason this happened was that Sonoi had a special connection to the leader of the DonBrothers, Momoi Tarou. Their relationship reads as pretty darned queer to a lot of viewers, myself included.

Momoi Tarou and Sonoi bonding, before they found out they were nemeses

Many JBL fans know Higuchi Kouhei from My Personal Weatherman/Taikan Yoho, in which he played the titular meteorologist, Segasaki. Part of the premise of that series is that at the start of the story, Higuchi’s character only has sex with his partner on sunny days. Jouji, Tominaga’s Zettai BL character, does the opposite: he and his “sex friend” only do it on rainy days. 

Basically, the writers of Zettai BL 3 have made Higuchi’s toku boyfriend’s story into a reverse Taikan Yoho situation. What are the odds that’s just a coincidence?–Towel

Also, he gets his own “Zettai BL” title card moment (and he’s the only one out of the secondary cast who get to have that).–Snow

That’s right!

I’m going to put this in context a little because I’ve given a lot of thought (probably too much) to who’s been featured in the opening credits of the different Zettai BL seasons. For every season of the show so far, Inukai Atsuhiro has had four other actors perform with him in the opening theme dance number. (All of whom also get a crack at some of those title card moments.) For two seasons, three of the four spots were taken up by Yutaro (Ayato), Shiono Akihisa (Toujou), and Itou Asahi (Kikuchi). The fourth spot was taken up by different actors in the first two seasons. It was the guy who played the attractive dude from the goukon in the first season, and it was Izuka Kenta, who played Kikuchi’s ex Igarashi, in the second. 

This time around, I had hoped that Sekoguchi Ryo would take the fourth spot, because he’s my blorbo and of course I wanted to see him in a retro dance number (boy was that wish ever granted!). But I hadn’t expected Shiono not to appear this time. Maybe there were specific reasons for this, like a scheduling conflict or an injury. It’s not like Shiono appears less in season 3 than he did in the others, so that’s not the reason. It’s hard to say. But in that context, it seems even more significant that they gave a spot to Tominaga Yuya. We don’t know the reasons for this. But it’s possible they featured him more heavily in this way because of his tokusatsu backstory and the inside joke it allowed them to make.–Towel

about “pudding relationship” and “prince and princess”

This part was tricky to translate. As you might have noticed by this point, Mob likes to make puns. In Japanese, pudding is written as “purin” and it is used to refer to pudding as well as custard. Mob goes on to follow with “prince and princess”, which in Japanese are pronounced as “purinsu” and “purinsesu”. In here, there’s wordplay with these similar sounding words and the image of the ToujouAyato couple.–Snow  

about “cuteness overload”

Japanese is a language that uses a lot of onomatopoeia. There’s 4 types, iirc: animal sounds, object sounds (like rain, creaking and the like), things that don’t make noise (smiles, stares, silence, etc), verbs turned onomatopoeia (I unfortunately cannot remember this properly but it was something like that). In this case, Mob says “Kyun ga tomaranai” (which literally means “the kyun can’t be stopped”). “Kyun” is an onomatopoeic word to refer to a “momentary tightening of one's chest caused by powerful feelings,” usually tied to a romantic context but not exclusively. Taking this into account, we thought “cuteness overload” might be the closest expression in English.–Snow

It’s worth noting that Mob is also saying “kyun” right after the “cuteness overload” line. I really thought at first that he was saying “cute,” since it sounds so similar, it would make a lot of sense contextually, and English loan words are so common in Japanese. But no, it was “kyun.” There was no way we could get across the meaning of “kyun” in one or two syllables of English, so we went with “adorbs,” which is just another word for “cute,” but at least it has a cutesy pronunciation that steps it up a notch.–Towel

about bouhan buzzers (16:06)

The translation note shown onscreen during this scene reads: “a bouhan buzzer is a security gadget carried by Japanese schoolchildren.” We did our best to summarize the meaning of this term briefly, so that it would be readable in the amount of time it was possible for us to keep that caption onscreen. But here’s a longer explanation for those who might be curious. 

It took a while for me to understand what these things were. At first I pictured something like a hand buzzer–the kind that people used to use to prank people. But it’s nothing like that. They’re sometimes referred to as “personal security alarms.” They’re little doodads that you can clip onto a backpack or carry in your pocket, and if you activate them (the most common mechanism for which seems to be pulling some kind of tab or string), they make some form of alarm-type sound. I found a video, below, that shows someone activating two different types of buzzers, showing the sound they make. 

These two make the same sort of beeping/chirping noises you’d associate with an alarm protecting a car or the entrance to a building–not really a “buzzing” sound, or anything that resembles the sound Mr. Cheerleader makes in this scene. But maybe there are other types that are more buzz-like, or sound more like the sound our buddy is imitating. 

According to some things I read when I looked these up, children often play with their bouhan buzzers, making it somewhat less likely that people will be on alert when they hear them go off. I don’t think I could have resisted setting off a gadget like this if I’d had one as a child. They seem to be available with all sorts of characters on them and in all sorts of colors and shapes, which is cool but might make them seem even more toy-like. 

From what I’ve seen, these things are most commonly used by children, but adults sometimes use them too. If you look for them for sale online, there are more adult-looking versions available (say, a rose-gold blob instead of something with cute characters on it–though of course, adults might want those too). One listing I saw advertised that they’re useful for kids, women, and the elderly.–Towel

Tag list: @absolutebl @bengiyo @c1nto @come-back-serotonin @lurkingshan @my-rose-tinted-glasses @porridgefeast @sorry-bonebag @twig-tea @wen-kexing-apologist

[ryker-writes]

I loved your broken sibling relationship with Azul! Can I request the same scenario BUT with Vil?

They were once happy, they both were actors, modeling and all that stuff Vil does. Reader barely ever got recognized but one fateful day they did and Vil was upset. Jealous even that reader was getting the spotlight and it damages their relationship with an argument and he says hurtful things and ignores reader. Reader tries to make things right between them but you know how Vil is. So stuckup and selfish and mean. Spitting poison laced words and even spreading rumors about reader damaging his own sisters reputation.

But after Vil overblots and Vil tries to fix his relationship with his sister aka reader, they're like "You decided to talk to me now? After you overblot? It took you so long to realize what you did was wrong? I tried to make things better but you ignored me, neglected me. There's no second chance between us." Or something? (I wanted to give you an idea on what I wanted when I wrote this btw) I want all the angst. So now the reader doesn't like Vil and avoids him at all cost.

Fem or gn reader is fine. But can u do fem? You don't have to if you don't want to.

(I felt like I was too specific and I already did the fic with this ask. I'm sorry if I was too specific and you don't know what to do with this ask ;-;)

Yes of course! And no worries you may have given me an outline but I can provide the details! I actually made a couple posts about Vil as a sibling (good and bad relationship) where the beginning of your request kinda matches one of them. So I hope you don't mind but I'm basically going to be writing the second part of your request (after the overblot). I'll link the other parts tho. Many people have been asking for more angst between Vil and Azul as siblings. Especially endings where the reader doesn't forgive them.

the first part

Request rules and masterlists

Vil as a sibling (Broken relationship with no forgiveness)

The one person who you're supposed to be able to rely on at NRC, absolutely hates you

your dear brother Vil had made it very clear

he would insult you, and embarrass you in front of everyone

he was going to be the most beautiful, and he would tear down anyone who got in his way

it doesn't matter that you're his sister

eventually he managed to insult you enough that everyone started to avoid you and hate you just as he did

you had even tried to make things better between you two

but he didn't accept that

he wouldn't stop as long as there was a chance someone could see you as better than him

so he pushed you away and only insulted you further

he even told you that he had no interest in ever being close with you

eventually, you gave up on even trying

you simply wanted a good relationship with your brother

and he's done nothing but hate you and try to ruin you

after everything he's done, you were tired of it

he hated you, so why should you give him the time?

you refused to continue just taking this treatment

now the two of you were just avoiding each other

not even talking or in the same space

after his overblot, Vil had taken the time to reflect on his actions

and he deeply regrets how he treated you

is it so bad that it's his sister who gets some of the spotlight?

surely he should be able to accept it if it's you

so Vil tries to work on it

it can take him a bit because he has to figure out the right way to speak to you after everything

one day, he walked up to you and tried to casually start a conversation

"What have you been up to recently?"

a simple conversation starter really

but you weren't just going to give in and forgive him after everything

"You decided to talk to me now? After you overblot? It took you so long to realize what you did was wrong? I tried to make things better but you ignored me, neglected me. There's no second chance between us."

with that, you just walked away

there was no way you could forgive him after everything

your reputation and even part of your confidence have suffered because of him

he was just so cruel to you for so long that it wasn't possible to forgive him

throughout the next few weeks, Vil was lingering in spaces around you

like he was testing to see if you would change your mind

you wouldn't

it was way to late for him to try and make things right

he even had sent some gifts to your room like that would make it better and get you to talk to him

as you continued to ignore him and his efforts, he eventually backed off

he couldn't force you to like him (he wanted to tho)

he completely understood why you didn't want to forgive him for everything

and while he respected your decision, he still cared about you despite it all

he kept his distance, but was still looking out for you

if he heard someone talking bad about you or causing you trouble, he would still defend you while keeping his distance

Vil holds on to the secret hope that you would someday forgive him

[lol-jackles]

hey! so, I want your opinion on soulless!sam, because I think jared did a great job playing this other version of sam

Soulless!Sam was a great character. I loved that in the beginning of season 6, he wasn't just acting as a SoullessSam, he was acting as SoullessSam faking being the real Sam for Dean, and there were many times where he almost but not quite convincing pull it off.   Speaking as someone with a theater background, I was impressed with how Jared pulled it off as I wouldn't know how to approach that role. Often actors play the fake character fully as if they are the real character until the ta!da reveal.

First, what is a soul? In the SPN-verse, the soul is the person’s self.   We’ve seen the souls of Dean, Sam, and Bobby in Heaven and Hell and they appear to be no different from themselves on Earth. What makes up the self is the conscious, subconscious, and emotion, which I like to call the trinity.

When we see soulless people on the show, they give into their worse impulses because there were no trinity to hold them in check. Some feel free once unshackled of their soul, some shackle themselves to prevent hurting others, some make the cold calculation for the "greater good", and others rely on people they admire for guidance. When Sam, Donatello, and Jack lost their souls, they cycle through those four reactions.

SoullessSam felt he became a better hunter when unshackled by a soul, but he also let Dean get turned into a vampire and killed Robin to take way the monster's leverage. Skill and rationality does not necessarily make for a great hunter. It has to be a balance between knowledge and the heart in order to make the best possible decision under the circumstances. Sam is all about the heart and always listening because he wants to help. SoullessSam has no heart and only listens to figure out how to mathematically come to the best scenario, though without taking in the value of an individual life.

SoullessSam's worst impulse was to tell the truth without softening the blow because he no longer feels the love (or guilt or shame) towards Dean or others. But without emotion, Soulless Sam can't make decisions for himself because all arguments are equal; emotions are the tie breakers. Dean recognizes this when he saw how blindly SoullessSam followed their grandfather's order.  Then Sam left their grandfather to follow Dean even when he knew that Dean's endgoal for him was not in his best interest.

I was sympathetic for SoullessSam because he lived and experienced life, he's a fully sentient being and none of us could really blame him for trying to protect himself from being resouled, as he knew it would mean his death. In the end, Soulless Sam wasn’t evil, he just didn’t care.

.

Though SoullessSam said he did not love Dean, he still fell right back to the codependency pattern due to a lifetime of being brothers. It was basic Sam actually guiding Soulless Sam, not Dean. Sam has always taken responsibility for his actions (as those of others). Soulless Sam had access to all of Sam's memories, including his "it doesn't matter what you are, it only matters what you do" creed. It would have made sense for SoullessSam to adopt the creed that seems to be the heart of Sam's motivation and used it as his guide. And it can be reasonably argued that Soulless Sam is proof of Sam's inherently goodness. With Sam's memories and skills, SoullessSam could have done whatever he wanted and leave a trail of destructions. Instead he returned to the family business of hunting things and saving lives, despite the flawed execution of it.  

[skyler10fic]

In the Tyler Family panel, Billie recalls the 2000s fashion as a strange time in fashion history but loved Idiot's Lantern, and they agree Jackie would have shared Rose's clothes to be the Cool Mom. 🤣

Shawn says he was surprised to be asked back at first since his character died, but it made sense for him to come back in a multiverse story.

He says it was easy to come back and Camille adds it's the quality of writing makes it easy because you know who you (the character) are at that point because you can trust the writers are guiding it.

Billie says she struggles with how much she didn't understand how it was going to take over her life before s1 airs. Before social media, even though everyone hated it and the idea of her doing it, but it wasn't the constant stream of trolls the new actors have to hear about now with social media. She says with RTD, Julie, and Phil, there was so much confidence and joy, it was easy to believe it would be good.

Camille says her neighbors and friends were surprisingly fans. She didn't realize how many people she knew who loved it and knew about it.

They talk about how cold it was filming the Cybermen. Billie says her jaw locked because it was so cold!! The trick to getting through them was "youth" and she doesn't do night shoots anymore if possible because of that experience.

Camille talks about how Jackie "grew a pair" lol

Billie: "She's a boss!

Camille: "It's Russell, really."

Billie: "No, it's you!"

Love that Jackie's speech and situation in Love and Monsters got a shout-out. Especially going off on Elton for taking advantage of her: "Many people can relate to that moment, I think."

Talking about Pete not being the perfect husband:

Billie: "Why did they break up again?"

Shawn: "Because I died!"

Billie: "I forgot!!!" 🤣

They banter so well! Total family vibes between them all.

Fun moment where Shawn thought Billie was saying "old Pete" when she was saying "alt Pete!" Lol

Rose having the "rose-colored glasses" taken off: Billie says many can relate to realizing their parents are flawed people, and things are more complicated than you thought.

Camille says the Tylers spoke a language people understood, making something fantasy into a relatable story that was relevant to the audience.

Mod jokes that Rose "parent trapped them" across multiple universes!

Billie talks about how she enjoyed the overall romance and human element of their series, as opposed to the more sci fi feel in other later seasons.

Camille says Chris's intensity helped launch the reboot, but David's "Labrador" energy was different and special too to keep it going.

Billie says there was a totally different energy after they knew it was a success, allowing for more playfulness with David's Doctor and in general on set.

Billie says she always thought there was something complex about the romance with the Doctor, it's weird for a 19 year old to just take off in a box, and maybe wasn't written with Chris but it was there in spirit, and then was written in more explicitly in their relationship with David. Hard to keep that intensity of awe and adoration platonic! Camille adds the chemistry between them was a big element as well.

Billie says it was always a thrill to get the script, eager to read the script as soon as she got it to see what new world they were building with each episode. She says she didn't want to go to set when shooting Tooth and Claw because she was riveted reading the Doomsday script! Haha

Billie says the costume tricks can help body language shifts when changing character, like with Rose possessed by Cassandra, the push-up bra helped develop a unique physicality for the previously (literally) flat character!

Camille says they got in trouble for talking a lot because they got on so well!

Billie says she loves the new episodes, especially the dance numbers and theatrics now, and that's exactly where the show should go. "It's super fun again." Sitting down and watching a family show with the kids, an event for everyone to watch together.

Camille said it was good but it would be better if the Tylers were there! 😁

They love Ncuti as well. Excellent casting.

Billie praises RTD's heart and rooting for all walks of life. Everyone can feel represented. Camille says he is so good at pulling heartstrings and "that's what we want as Doctor Who fans." They also love his joy but also his power if they are being unkind. He defended the actors from stupid questions from the press and "told it like it was" when he needed to be the man in charge.

[allthingsfangirl101]

Worst-Case Scenario – Joe Keery

"I'm telling you, Mr. Gary," I sighed, not bothering to look up from the chart in my hand, "you do not have Onchocerciasis."

"Are you sure, Doc?"

I sighed before forcing myself to look at him. "I'm sure, John. For starters, you're not blind. And you haven't been around blackflies of the genus Simulium and haven't been repeatedly bitten by them. So, no, John, you do not have Onchocerciasis."

"But I think it's. . ."

"You're a hypochondriac, Mr. Gary," I cut him off. "So my prescription? Stay off of WebMD."

After he left, I finally took my 30-minute lunch break. I went into one of the breakrooms the hospital had and sat on the couch. I leaned back and the second I caught my breath, my phone started ringing. When I grabbed it, a smile spread across my face.

"Hey, you."

"Hey, gorgeous," Joe's voice came through the phone. "How's my favorite doctor?"

"Tired," I said with a small laugh. "How's my favorite actor?"

"Tired and misses his wife."

"Well, his wife misses him too," I said as I lay down on the couch.

"You're off later tonight, right?" He asked.

"Yep," I sighed. "I only have two more hours."

"Great," he chuckled. "I have about three more hours."

"No," I whined.

"I know, I know," he sighed, "but I'll bring home dinner. What are you feeling?"

"Italian," I said instantly, making him laugh.

"If my wife wants Italian, I will get her Italian."

"I love you," I said softly.

"I love you too, baby," he said, sounding a little different. "I know we both have crazy jobs and we love them but. . . We never see each other anymore."

"I know," I whispered. I thought about it for a second before coming up with a plan. "When are you done filming your latest season?"

"We got about two more months," he sighed, not catching on.

"Well," I elongated, "I have some vacation days that need spending."

"Oh?" He chuckled, finally seeing where I was going.

"Mhmm," I hummed. "I can talk to my shift coordinator and get some time off once you finish filming."

"I like that idea," Joe said in a teasing tone. "How many vacation days do you have?"

"In total?" I had to think about it. "About two weeks, I think. Maybe more."

"Wow," Joe chuckled. I could hear the smirk.

"I really haven't taken that much time off," I sighed. "In fact, I was talking to my supervisor the other day and she practically begged me to take some time off."

"Well, even your health matters, Doctor," he teased. "Would it be crazy to suggest you take the whole two weeks off?"

"Absolutely not," I chuckled. "It sounds amazing."

"Perfect," he said gently. "We'll plan it all out over dinner tonight."

* * * * *

An hour into the second half of my shift, I got a patient I never wanted to have in the ER.

"Doctor Keery," one of the interns hesitated.

"Yes?"

"I have a patient that just came in," he stalled.

"Okay," I said, slowly looking at him. "And is it a tough case? What's up?"

"I think you're gonna want to take this one."

Before I could ask what he meant, he turned on his heel and walked away. Sighing, I put down the file I was holding and grabbed the one for the new case. I walked into the room without looking at the file.

"Joe?!" I dropped the file on the ground and ran to him. I stood in front of him and gently grabbed his face. As I scanned him, he had bruises, a busted lip, and what looked like ash.

"What happened to you?" I panicked. "Did something happen on set? Were you in a car accident? I'm trying to remember what scenes you shot today."

Joe reached up and grabbed my wrists, but didn't pull my hands away from his face. "Baby," he said gently, "I'm fine."

"But," I stuttered.

"I'm serious," he said, finally pulling my hands away from his face. "It was just a small stunt explosion."

"A what?!" I yelled. I grabbed his file off the ground and started scanning through it. Without a word, I instantly started attending to his wounds. He watched me the entire time.

"Y/N," he whispered once I had finished cleaning the ash off his face and neck. "Can we. . . We should probably. . ."

"I need to finish dressing your wounds," I said almost emotionless. We were quiet as I finished cleaning and bandaging up his wounds.

"Baby," Joe sighed.

"There," I said quickly. "You're done. I'll get you cleared to leave."

"Y/N. . ."

"I want you to go home," I cut him off. "I mean it, Joe. I don't care what your director says. Doctor beats director. So please, go home and get some rest. I'll bring home dinner and check to make sure your wounds are healing."

"But Y/N. . ."

"Doctor's orders," I said firmly. I closed his file and left the room. I handed it to the nurse and let out a shaky breath.

"You okay, Doctor?" The nurse I handed the file to asked sweetly. She looked at the file and her face dropped when she saw the name. "Oh," she said under her breath. "How is he?"

"He'll be fine," I said, forcing myself to push down my anxiety. "I need. . . Can you get his paperwork through the system so he can go home?"

"Of course, Doctor," she said with a small smile on her face. "Would you like me to tell you before he leaves?"

I hesitated. "No," I said under my breath. "It's okay. Thank you."

I went through the rest of my shift with my heart in my stomach. I wasn't sure when Joe went home. When my shift was finally over, I got takeout on the way home.

The second I walked into the house, Joe appeared in the hallway. "Hey, Doctor Gorgeous. How was the rest of your shift?"

"It was fine," I said as I walked past him and hung my keys on the wall. I kicked off my shoes before walking into the kitchen and putting the food on the table.

"Y/N. . ."

"Did you get any sleep?"

"A little," he said, the tone of his voice slightly weird. "Y/N, baby, we need to. . ."

"I brought home dinner," I cut him off. "You need to eat something."

With that, neither one of us said anything as we ate. Once we finished, I stood up and started cleaning off the table. After putting my plate in the sink, I walked back to grab Joe's plate. As I reached for it, he grabbed my wrist and stopped me.

"Y/N, I know you're mad," he sighed. "But we need to talk this through. I'm sorry I scared you today. I didn't mean to. We were running through a fight scene and we were off. It ended with. . ."

"You don't understand!" I cut him off as I tore my wrist out of his hold.

"You're right," he said oddly calm after I just exploded. "Please help me understand."

"You being a patient in my ER is my worst-case scenario."

"What do you mean, baby?" He asked as he stood up and grabbed my hand. He led me over to the couch and we sat down.

"I see a lot of horrible things," I said, my voice breaking. "I see people who come in and end up fighting for their life. I see those same people not survive the fight. And I am the one that has to tell their families they're gone."

"It was an accident," he whispered.

"It's always an accident," I said, the tears close to spilling. "It's the accidents that end suddenly and badly."

"Y/N. . ."

"I can't lose you, Joe." My voice broke as the tears finally started streaming down my face. "You're my world. You're my everything. You're my husband. Having you come into my ER and me not being able to save you is my biggest fear."

Joe sighed as he pulled me into his chest. I tried to stop the tears as he kissed the top of my head.

"I'm sorry, baby," he whispered. "I should've called you and given you a heads up. It would've been better than surprising you. But I really am fine, Y/N. We got a little too into our fight scene and ended up getting too close to an explosion that happens in the scene. We had the set medics check us out, but our director wanted us to get checked out at the hospital just in case. Next time, I promise to call you first."

"How about there is no next time?"

My question made Joe laugh. He tightened his arms around me and relaxed into the couch.

"I will try not to have a next time."

[saintmuses]

❝𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙨𝙤 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝❞

Pairing:

Submissive!Jonathan Crane x Inexperienced!Reader

Summary:

It had always been a cat and mouse game to Jonathan, starting trouble at places in the city of Gotham just to get her attention while waiting for her to realize he was there for her all along in many ways she could not fathom. It wasn’t until she gave into her urges that it changed the dynamic between them.

Warning(s): SMUT. Both POVs. A pinch of soft!dark!themes. Slight age gap (Jonathan is in his late 20s, early 30s while the Reader is in her early 20s). Touched-starved Jonathan as well as obsessive and possessive. Irrational jealousy. He’s just extremely down bad for the Reader. Just porn with a pinch of barely noticeable plot. Slight bickering and flirting. Choking. Basically spit porn. Semi-dominant Jonathan, but mainly submissive. Brief degradation and name-calling. Praise kink. Brief masturbation. Tons of teasing. Slight usage of dildo in V (f-receiving). Brief oral usage of dildo (d-receiving). Lack of gag-reflex. Anal sex (m-receiving). Reader is inexperienced, but she has knowledge of how pegging works. The strap-on dildo is the paid actor in this. Minors, dni!

Word Count: 8.7k

She knew who Jonathan Crane was when she was fresh out in her first year of college. She went from failing courses in her second semester to meeting infamous Bruce Wayne due to being the grandniece of his butler, Alfred. She then somehow got roped into helping Bruce at her granduncle’s insistence because she was better at being street-smart than book smart.

She met him that night when he was strapped to the chair in the Arkham Asylum and was tasked to watch over him while Bruce was trying to save Gotham.

Ever since then, he had softened towards her despite being standoffish to others. They were never friends, but they were never enemies. The second time they met, he had taken up calling her ‘sweetheart’ which made her stomach flutter every time he did that.

However, presently he was causing trouble at the parking garage and decided to take the mission herself to see what was happening in that area.

Only to turn out it was him with a mask of burlap sack of his moniker Scarecrow. It didn’t take long enough to put him in the restraints from behind, dragging him to the side of the parking garage.

He chuckled once he saw who had put him at a disadvantage, “oh…this is a very nice surprise, sweetheart.” He purred mischievously.

It was his girl.

“Crane,” she said flatly before removing the Scarecrow mask off his face, dropping it in his lap. She dragged her gaze from the horrid, stitched mask to his face. He was very pretty with sharp cheekbones and blue eyes that were so piercing that it felt like they were staring down at her soul. She stared down at him while he was tied in metal restraints wrapped around the railing of the parking garage. 

The feeling of vulnerability was not familiar to him when the mask was taken away from his face, but he could not deny it was exciting. He could only glance downward at the burlap mask in his lap. His breath quickened as he felt her gaze on him.

"Have I been bad?" He finally asked, a smirk curled his lips as he looked up at her.

She narrowed her gaze down at him, frustration brimming at their depths. “That’s a stupid question.” She then tilted her head, “why is it every time I’m in Gotham you cause trouble?”

Jonathan attempted to feign innocence but could not muster up the courage to play dumb. Instead, he was blunt. "To see you, of course," he retorted. "As much as I enjoy causing trouble, I especially enjoy the prospect of seeing you again. That's not a crime, is it?"

She pursed her lips before bending down onto her knees to level her gaze with him. She clenched down her jaw when she heard her boots grinding against the loose concrete in the cracks. “No. It’s not a crime,” she agreed albeit reluctantly before narrowing her gaze at him. “However; it is a crime that you would try to start shit that would be considered as a crime if I hadn’t got to you in time.” She snarked.

Jonathan smirked as his eyes followed her body as she crouched down. He chuckled at her snarky comment.

"So, you don't mind that I've caused havoc with the Gotham City Police Department," he baited, "or that I've escaped Arkham countless times just so I could visit you? My crimes don't bother you. They never have."

For some reason her eyes strayed to his pale neck that was not hidden by the collar of his suit.

“No, they don’t, but it is my duty to ensure you don’t cause ruckus again.” Giving into her urges, her hand reached for his slender throat, wrapping her fingers around the sides of his neck firmly without squeezing his airway.

Jonathan craned his neck upwards, relishing the touch. His eyes widened as her fingers pressed against his neck. He could feel the heat of her touch. 

"You could never contain me," he taunted, his eyes glittering dangerously as he swallowed heavily. "Just like I could never stay away from you. That's what makes this so fun for me — the push and pull. Do you enjoy the chase as much as I do?"

She tightened her fingers on the sides slightly, nails digging into his flesh, “you’re a psychotic man.” She muttered.

He felt her grip tighten ever so slightly, forcing him to choke back any pleasure-filled grunts that would otherwise have escaped his lips.

"I have only ever been obsessed with one thing in this life, sweetheart," he replied through gritted teeth, the pressure of her hold making his words come out as grunts. "You should feel flattered."

Her fingers decided to increase its strength into his neck making Jonathan let out a hushed moan of pleasure as his breaths becoming more ragged and heavier. His lips parted and his eyes rolled back, showing the pure ecstasy he was feeling.

“A little harder, darling.” He said breathlessly.

She should have stopped when he started moaning, but she liked how he was reacting to her hand on his neck. She hid that desire behind her mean words although lacking any heat. “No wonder why they call you a delusional man,” she murmured to herself.

Hell, she was delusional for even continuing doing what he wanted her to do.

A soft moan escaped his lips as he felt her hands squeeze against his neck with more force than before, his body twitching and writhing in the restraints. Jonathan's eyelids fluttering, and he opened his eyes and tilted his head back slightly as his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

She was enthralled by the sight of him bowing down to pleasure that was obviously rolling through him. However, it was becoming too much for someone like her. She never had gone further than just the first base with a few guys from high school and college. She sighed then released his throat from the pressure, but still keeping her fingers wrapped around the sides.

Jonathan let out a long exhale as she finally eased him from the pressure of her hand. He took a moment to catch his breath in between panting and shallow breaths. His lips parted to speak, but no words could escape. His heart was beating rapidly, his eyes looking up at his girl with a burning passion. 

She noticed that he was looking up at her with his eyes still glazed and slightly rolled back as his breaths deepened before parting his lips to speak.

“You may have been thinking that you were stopping me from doing what I was doing, but deep down you know why I was here. I want to see you. So, I have to make a little bit of noise to get your attention.” He said simply, pausing before his lips curled up slightly. “And now I have every bit of it.” 

She stared at him, blinking slightly before muttering, “it’s a bad thing to be someone’s obsession especially someone like you.”

“I’ve never wanted much, sweetheart.” Jonathan smirked as he tilted his head to the side. His gaze remained on her as he spoke. “But the one thing I truly want for myself is you.” He felt her absentmindedly using her thumb to tease his Adam’s apple, while still gripping his neck, and he let out a small, muffled sound at her thumb teasing his Adam's apple. He felt the heat course through his throat as she teased him. He could not even attempt to hide the desire in his tone, instead the lust dripped off each syllable. “I used to tell myself I would never feel this way with anybody, but you're the exception. You're not just anybody. You are mine and I want you all to myself." He moaned out.

She huffed slightly, ignoring his possessiveness despite making her feel all tingly inside. “Let’s see, we’ve met when you decided to cause chaos in this city by infesting pipelines with your fear toxin.” She said dryly before continuing, “how long have you decided to make me your obsession?” She questioned, her thumb still gliding over his Adam’s apple gently as her fingers dug into the side of his neck.

Jonathan could not help but recall their very first encounter. It was burned into his brain. She was only on the cusp of adulthood; he had been in his late twenties. His obsession was instantaneous. It felt both wrong and right as he was powerless to change anything about the situation.

"Since you were nineteen," he said through a shudder, his voice sounding broken. Her touch was intoxicating. Each breath felt heavier and more challenging, but he did not want to pull away from her. He loved feeling vulnerable under her.

“I didn’t do anything other than just helping the Batman. So, I don’t know what I did to make you to become obsessed with me?” She questioned him with confusion in her eyes.

"That's the thing, sweetheart. You didn't have to do a damn thing. You simply existed and my obsessive, possessive heart took notice." He moaned slightly under her touch. "There is something about you that pulls me in. They grow stronger every day until all I can think about is you."

She muttered, “you’re an insane man.” 

"Tell me something I don't already know," he sighed. "I'm your madman, your psycho, your lunatic. You know that don't you? I'm obsessive, I'm manipulative, I'm possessive like you wouldn't believe. And all of it is for you. You, my girl, are literally my addiction."

She stared at him, then she used her free hand towards his face, lightly trailing her two fingers against his lips.

Jonathan shivered under her touch. Her free hand's fingers lightly trailing along his lips drove him crazy. He had never experienced such sensitivity, such a tender touch from anyone in his life. He had been subjected to brutal and painful experimentation at certain points in his life. Her touch was a breath of fresh air.

“‘You’re possessive like I wouldn’t believe?” She repeated his statement at him. Still tracing his lips with her two fingers. She could not fathom a man obsessing over her when guys barely paid any attention to her.

Jonathan's entire body was quivering as she traced his lips. He could not help but grunt at her statement. He wanted to deny it so desperately despite telling her so, not wanting to admit how much power she had over him.

"More possessive than you could ever fathom," he grounded out.

She then held her fingers in front of his mouth. His eyes flickered to them, then he let out a soft huff. “You’re playing with fire, sweetheart.” He chuckled hoarsely. 

He craved her, needed her, couldn't live without her. He needed to prove how possessive he truly was. His need for her was more than his need for air.

Jonathan's lips parted before latching on to her fingers before letting them slide into his mouth as he sucked on them, his tongue making slow circles and flicks around her fingers. "Mmm," he moaned out.

As she moved her fingers back and forth in his mouth, Jonathan's eyes rolled back in his head. He licked her fingers like it was the most delicious meal he had ever tasted. He was so far gone that the only thing he could respond with was another moan. His tongue made quick laps around her fingers as he tried to swallow her up as much as possible.

Her breathing hitched at the sight of him being…depraved over her fingers. He was beginning to look desperate for more. She never knew how much control she had over him.

“Do you know that you look pretty like that?” She murmured gently, still thrusting her fingers into his warm mouth.

"Mmmphh," Jonathan groaned around her fingers. Her words were enough to make his tongue go crazy, swirling faster around her fingers. His neck was arched backward, and his entire body was quivering. He could never imagine he would feel this way about another person, let alone have them be this much in control over him.

His tongue would flick down her fingers before darting back quickly to the tip of her fingers.

“Your throat’s all tensed up; your jawline is straining. Your pale skin is getting flushed, your mouth is becoming messy with your drool. Your eyes, delirious in pleasure.” She observed him in his current state. “Yeah, you look pretty sucking my fingers like that.” She breathed, almost shyly, using her free hand to run through his hair after removing her hand from his neck.

Jonathan's entire body was shaking in a combination of lust and embarrassment. He could not deny how much her words and touch were driving him wild. The image of himself with his girl's fingers in his mouth and his eyes rolled back in his head was one he could never deny.

He began to suck on her fingers with even more fervor. It was as if his desperation and lust for her was growing with each passing moment. He didn't want to stop. He couldn't stop as she continued to tease him.

She said softly. “Look at me, pretty boy.”

Jonathan could not deny his girl anything. His body was still shaking with desire and his mouth was still sucking on her fingers, but he moved his gaze back to her, giving her full eye contact. He did not want to hide his desire or his embarrassment, instead, he wanted her to be fully aware of just how much he wanted her. He needed his girl to see him at his weakest moment.

“Do you like being called pretty boy?” She questioned him after withdrawing her fingers out of his mouth.

As she pulled her fingers out of Jonathan's mouth, he had to remind himself to breathe. He could barely even find the strength to respond as she asked him a question.

"Y-yes," he replied softly, looking at her with full eye contact. He felt his cheeks flushed and his heart thudding faster than ever. Jonathan had never felt so much desire for someone like her, and yet he so desperately wanted her to treat him as her baby boy even if it was going to be one night.

When comes the morning light…he will cross the line at some point of being someone he actually was, taking control over her. For now, he wanted her to have that power perhaps to make her feel secure enough to want to be with him.

“Then be a good boy and open your mouth wide.” She ordered him breathlessly.

Jonathan felt himself melt at his girl’s command. Those two words were enough to send him over the edge.

He opened his mouth wide, making himself vulnerable to her as he did what she asked him. He felt so desperate that he was almost shaking. His neck was bent back, and his chest was heaving.

Jonathan wanted her to treat him any way she pleased, for her to take total control of him.

What took him by surprise was her spitting into his mouth. However, when she did spit into Jonathan's mouth, he did not flinch. In fact, he swallowed it down after tasting it momentarily. He could not explain it, but his girl's spit was something else. His heart began to thud out of his chest. The taste of her spit was overwhelming, but he wanted it, needed it even. His lips were parted as he waited for more.

Her lips curled slightly at the sight of his lips parted, “you want more, don’t you?” 

Jonathan nodded his head frantically, drool running down his lips. He wanted more of her spit in his mouth. It was irresistible to him, and the taste was intoxicating.

"P-please," Jonathan groaned. He had never craved anything more than her spit before. His body ached for it.

She saw his drool and reached forward with her thumb, collecting it on the pad of her skin before bringing it to her mouth, and licked his drool off her thumb.

Jonathan's eyes went wide as she licked his drool off her thumb. He could feel his body shiver in ecstasy as his heart pounded harder than ever. He wanted more, needed more. He could feel his nerves in his body growing weak as his body was overwhelmed with desire. The way she licked off his drool was enough to make him whimper. He still held his lips apart for her when he saw her proceeding to build up saliva to spit into his mouth once again.

Jonathan's jaw was slack, his eyes rolled back into his head, and his throat was making guttural sounds. He loved every second of his girl’s spit hitting his tongue.

"M-m-more," he stuttered as he pleaded with her.

She sighed breathlessly, sitting down on his lap to be close to him especially when his hands were restrained on the railing bar behind him.

 He could not move his hands because they were restrained but he was okay with that because he was now even more at her mercy.

She’d let the saliva build up in her mouth while bringing her two fingers up in front of her between them and she slid her two fingers in her mouth to coat them in thick saliva.

As she withdrew her fingers in her mouth, Jonathan's mouth opened up instinctively, hungry for her fingers and the saliva covering them. He leaned forward to capture her fingers before he began to suck on her them, and he moaned softly at the taste of her saliva on her fingers. He could not get enough of her.

Jonathan's entire body shook slightly as she began to thrust her fingers into his mouth again. The feeling of her saliva-covered fingers entering his mouth pushed him over the edge. He was so overwhelmed by her, and the taste of her saliva. He moaned loudly and his eyes rolled to the back of his head as he swallowed her fingers as much as he could. He wanted this moment of ecstasy to last forever, to never have to live a life without her touch.

She shuddered when she saw him bobbing his head as he sucked down her fingers. 

“Such a pretty boy.” She cooed softly.

Jonathan began to feel a wave of euphoria as she called him ‘pretty boy’. His ears could barely make out the words that she was saying as his body trembled. His eyes were wide and the feeling of her fingers in his mouth was enough to almost make his heart stop. The saliva on her fingers coated his tongue as he bobbed his head back and forth, suckling on her fingers as she told him what a good pretty boy he was.

“Open your mouth and keep my fingers in there,” she instructed softly.

Jonathan did as she suggested. He opened his mouth wide and kept her fingers inside his mouth. He wanted as much of her as he could possibly get. He was hers now. He would never deny her.

As his girl’s fingers were held in his mouth, Jonathan's tongue continued to caress and swirl around her fingers. He was desperate to please her. The saliva that was from her fingers was enough to make him go crazy with desire. He needed more. He wanted more.

His eyes rolled to the back of his head as she spit a load of saliva into his mouth. It was such a pleasurable moment for him that he felt himself trembling in pure bliss. The taste of her saliva was enough to make him go over the edge.

He started to drool again as he sucked her fingers and licked the spit from inside of his mouth.

“I guess this isn’t helping with your obsession with me, isn’t that right?” She teased him softly, enjoying the moment of him being depraved for her fingers.

Jonathan didn't even hear what she had said as he was completely in the throes of pleasure and madness. No words could penetrate Jonathan as he sucked her fingers and swallowed her spit. He was lost down this depraved path of obsession for his girl and he knew he wouldn't be able to stop it, not even if he tried. In fact, he did not want to try, as she had become his everything.

While she was looking at him, she realized there was no harm in taking him to her place. If he wanted to hurt her then he would have done it a long time ago. No, it was absolutely crystal clear that he just wanted her.

“Would you like to come home with me?” 

Jonathan's entire body trembled at her question. The very thought of spending more time with his girl doing such depraved things to him was more than Jonathan could ever ask for. He was hers now. Her own perverted pretty boy to be obsessed with, to play with.

"Y-yes," he sighed softly, his eyes still rolled back in his head. "Please take me home.“

Jonathan's eyes slowly opened as she pulled her fingers out of his mouth and undid the restraints that had kept his hands locked up the entire time. Jonathan sat up and looked up at her as she stood up. His hair was a mess, and his drool stains were visible. He could feel his body quivering still but he did not even try to conceal his lustful obsession for his girl.

Once they got to her place, she told him to sit on the bed which Jonathan eagerly did what she had instructed and sat on her plush bed as she stood in front of him.

He was getting more and more addicted to the woman in front of him, his entire body was trembling in anticipation, waiting for her to do something to him. 

Jonathan had never felt so helplessly obsessed and addicted to someone before and he wanted her to fulfill more of his depraved desires.

“Remove your clothes. All of it.” She said, almost flustered at her own words. She had never imagined she would tell someone like him to do what she desired.

Jonathan did as she demanded and began removing his clothes one piece at a time, starting with his blazer which led him to unbutton his buttoned-up shirt that ended up on the floor by the bed, revealing his pale frame. He was not muscular by any means, but he did have some meat on his bones especially the arms. He was naturally lanky, ribs slightly protruding his skin, but somehow it fit for someone like him.

Jonathan was eager to let her see him at his most vulnerable moment as he removed his slacks and underwear.

Her eyes widened as she took in the immense sight of Jonathan's cock before lust began to wash over her, and her eyes darkened in soft arousal as it began to pool in her stomach. She may have not seen dicks other than what she had seen on lousy porn websites, but she was fairly certain that his was incredibly thick and long.

He was surprised at how aroused she had gotten just by seeing his erection, but he loved seeing her in such a passionate mood.

He began to breathe softly as he knew his girl’s attention was fully upon him.

She then bit down her bottom lip. “Lay down on the bed and prop yourself slightly against the headboard.”

Jonathan obeyed her command to the letter as he laid down on the edge of the bed, propping himself slightly against the headboard. He was in such a vulnerable position, completely exposed to her, but he couldn't care less.

She smiled before taking her uniform off revealing a simple spandex underneath before sliding the stretchy fabric down her body. Stepping out of the material, she revealed herself in a lacy bra and simple bland underwear.

Jonathan's heart skipped many beats as he watched her removing articles of clothing. He began to salivate in his mouth as she finally revealed herself in only her bra and underwear.

She then reached behind her bra and unclasp it, allowing her breasts to be exposed to his hungry depraved gaze. Her hands slipped under the underwear on the sides before sliding them down her thighs, letting them slip the rest down to the floor.

Jonathan felt himself go completely wild at the sight of her body. Her breasts looked like they were straight out of a dream and her beautiful body curves were enough to make him dizzy with desire. He then moaned loudly, and his heart thumped faster than ever. Every part of her body was perfection and Jonathan could not look away. He wanted her so badly, he wanted to worship every inch of her.

She was shy about herself being naked especially in front of a man, but his reaction made her feel slightly giddy and secure. She then walked around the bed to her nightstand get into her drawer. She pulled the drawer out to reveal array of sex toys among other things. She reached down to grab the black strips of fabric which was a strap-on harness. She then pull out a box that carried a range of silicone toys in different sizes. She turned to him. “Choose one,” she softly commanded.

She may have been inexperienced with other men, practically never been touched, but she did not go through life without any pleasure for herself.

He dragged his gaze away from her body to the box in front of him that was set out. Jonathan's eyes quickly scanned the different kinds before he pointed to the largest silicone toy which was in the shade of dark red, and he replied softly with a quiver in his voice. "That one."

Her eyes widened, then she chuckled. Insane man.

She put the box back in the drawer before closing it, then she climbed onto the bed, in front of him. “Prop your feet on the bed and spread your legs apart,” she said softly, setting the harness next to his legs. As she got comfortable on the bed with Jonathan and commanded him to spread his legs, he instantly obeyed. His legs were spread wide apart, and his feet were firmly pressed against the mattress. His hands gripped the edges of the bed sheets tightly as he waited patiently for her to do whatever she had planned for him.

She then leaned back on her ass, slowly parting her legs to reveal her cunt to his gaze that was edging on greediness. She lightly touched her clit with the tip of her finger and circling it to the point where she was leaking with arousal. Then she brought the silicone object to her hole, pressing it slightly to tease it before pushing the thick tip into her hole.

Jonathan was in a transfixed state, watched her spreading her legs to reveal her soft and delicate spot, making his own breath quicken and his heart thump wildly. His eyes were fixed on her, shuddering slightly as she pushed the thick tip of the silicone toy into her opening and he could not look away, despite the fact that it made him jealous and envious of the object. It was so hard to watch her be intimate with anything or anyone other than himself.

Once she got used to the sensation of stretching, she was able to push the object inside and started thrusting it into herself gently to coat it in her arousal. The toy wasn’t even close to the size of Jonathan’s cock, but it was still large. She hated the feeling of the material that was dragging against the walls of her pussy. However, she tolerated for the purpose she had in mind. She pulled the toy out suddenly, leaving her hole gaping slightly, allowing him to see it.

Watching his girl remove the silicone toy, coated it in her arousal was enough to make Jonathan's heart stop in his chest. Even though the toy was nowhere near as big as his own dick, her gaping hole was enough to drive Jonathan's jealousy to immense levels. His fingers were tightly gripped by the sides of the bed sheets as Jonathan stared at her cunt, completely transfixed, and mesmerized by what he was seeing.

Jonathan's heart skipped a beat as she suddenly got on her knees in front of him with her thighs pressed against the back of his thighs. The silicone toy was held to his face, and it took a minute for Jonathan to realize what she wanted him to do.

He looked up at her, his heartbeat rising as he realized she was allowing him to lick the silicone toy, which had been dipped in her arousal.

“Suck it,” she smiled gently, slightly flushed due to not being used to like this.

Seeing her soft smile, Jonathan became overwhelmed with lust and desire. The mere thought of her wetness drove him crazy, especially when it was combined with her smile and voice.

With her soft smile and gentle command to suck the toy, Jonathan's entire body quivered with pleasure and jealousy. He did not hesitate to obey his girl as he leaned forward slightly and parted lips to lick the tip and he let out a guttural noise as he tasted her arousal. Something inside him snapped and he closed his lips around the tip before he began sucking and licking the silicone toy to taste her. Jonathan was so desperate for her to the point he wanted to consume her and never let her be free.

That was going to happen, he was sure of it. A beautiful little thing in a gilded cage, but she would not want to be free of him.

With her arousal still on the silicone object, Jonathan felt completely driven to be possessed by her as she began to lightly thrust the toy into his mouth. He was still overwhelmed with jealousy and obsession at the very idea of her sharing her wetness with anything or anyone other than Jonathan. He sucked and licked on the silicone toy desperately, craving her arousal and trying to keep it all to himself.

“Do you want it all?” She whispered, questioning in her tone as she continued to slide the object back and forth for him.

He replied with a soft moan and a nod of his head as she asked whether he wanted it all. He was desperate to claim her arousal as his own. His mind was heavily clouded with lust and jealousy as she continued to move the toy back and forth in Jonathan's mouth. 

The taste of her arousal was enough to push him to his limits and he began to suck and lick forcefully on the silicone toy in an attempt to take as much of her arousal as he possibly could.

She swallowed at his actions since it borderline in desperation. “Then relax your throat because it will be uncomfortable if you don’t.”

Jonathan did as she commanded and relaxed his throat, allowing her to move the toy further and further without much resistance. He did what he had to do despite the fact that her gentle tone and commanding voice made Jonathan's heart thump with desire.

She reached around the toy and under his face to feel his throat lightly as she was able to thrust the entire toy into his mouth back and forth but very gently. Every time when the entire length was in his mouth, his throat swells up then returns back to normal when it leaves his throat then does it all over again.

“Oh,” she murmured. “That’s a pretty sight, taking the cock in with my wetness on it to the point where your throat has to adjust to the size of the toy you chose.” She moaned lightly; her pussy was clenching around nothing as she was stung by with more lust.

Jonathan’s saliva slipped out and ran down his chin from his open mouth as he felt the silicone toy sliding down his throat making the stretch slightly uncomfortable. He felt her hand lightly stroking his throat as the toy was pushed deeper in his mouth. Her comments on it being a "pretty sight" made him moan softly around the object as he continued to relax his throat even more.

She knew exactly what she was doing to him and that alone turned him on even more.

She then left the toy in his mouth as she reached to the side of his body to grab the harness. She wrapped the harness onto her lower body, strapping it. She then reached for his mouth to withdraw the toy and placed it in where it needed to go.

He already knew where she was going with this idea, and it turned him on even more.

Once she managed to place the toy into her strap on hardness, she made Jonathan feel her power in an even bigger way and it drove him crazy with lust. She had completely captured his devotion and desire and he did not even try to resist.

She then brought her hand to her mouth to spit out as much saliva as she could into her hand so she could bring it down to his puckered hole and lather it in her saliva.

His body trembled from her gesture of spitting into her own hand before coating his hole with her saliva, whimpering slightly when he felt the sensation of her lathering it with her fingers.

Jonathan was completely overwhelmed with deranged obsession and lust for the young woman in front of him. He wanted her so badly and her ability to constantly surprise him with her lustful gestures had completely paralyzed him to the point of no resistance.

“Spread yourself as much as you can,” she whispered, looking at him with a soft look in her gaze.

He complied with her command to spread his legs and opened himself up completely as her whispers drove him insane. He was completely powerless when she spoke so softly, her voice and gentle tone were more than enough to completely make him completely docile.

Jonathan's entire body was trembling, making her place her hands onto the top of his thighs. “Tell me if it hurts and I’ll stop, okay? I want this to be pleasurable and not painful.” She murmured, rubbing her hands over his muscles soothingly.

He replied with a soft moan and a nod of his head as she continued to whisper and asked for affirmation that she wouldn't hurt him.

Every time she spoke so soothingly, it caused his heart to throb. Her voice and her tone had such a powerful hold on him, but when she made it clear that she wanted him to only enjoy the experience and that he should let her know if anything was painful, he could not take it anymore. Jonathan melted into her every word and gesture.

She began to hover him, pressing her thighs into the back of his firmly. Jonathan grunted as she brought one hand onto the mattress next to his waist and gripped her strapped-on toy after coating it with her spit quickly, and gently pressed into his hole, teasing him with it. The feeling of the toy slowly pushing against his hole caused so much pleasure and anticipation for Jonathan that he could barely keep himself from letting out a loud moan as she pressed gently against him.

She then pushed the thick tip into his hole with more strength, stretching him, but also pausing to get him used to it. His body went still with the surprise at the thick tip pressed into his hole was intense, but her actions to pause in an attempt to get him used to it made him feel safe.

She then started thrusting gently with the thick tip in and out of his hole. She used her hand that was still on his thigh and began to rub his muscle to soothe him. He moaned softly in response. He was in heaven from her gentle thrusts and the touch of her hand.

“Have I mentioned I love your thighs?”

At her mention of his thighs, his face flushed with embarrassment. "N..no... You haven't," He replied softly, his heart pounding violently with pleasure.

She smiled mischievously. “Well at some point tonight you can use your thigh to get me off.” She breathed. “Do you want more of it?” 

Jonathan’s entire face turned completely red at her reply about his thighs, but his embarrassment seemed to only add to his own lustfulness as she continued to gently thrust.

He nodded and moaned softly, his heart beating so heavily inside his chest as she asked him if he wanted more. "Y..yes please," he replied softly.

Jonathan then shuddered as he felt her pushing more of the toy inside him. His body was completely overcome with pleasure, his heart beating so heavily inside his chest he thought it was going to explode. Jonathan began to moan even louder, his mouth wide open as his body became more and more vulnerable to her control. It felt like she was taking over his body, mind, and soul, and it was the hottest thing he had ever experienced.

She picked up on his pleasure. “Do you want me to be gentle?” She questioned, her hand still rubbing his thigh.

Jonathan replied softly with a moan and a negative shake of his head as he felt his heart throb with pleasure as her hand rubbed his thigh.

He enjoyed her gentleness, but he wanted something more than that. He wanted her to take control and dominate him completely the way he would’ve done to her if he was in control, and he wanted to be used by her.

He continued to whimper softly as she teased him further with the toy's girth.

She chuckled, studying him and his body language as she teased him. “I still got more left, and you want me to be rough?” 

He nodded his head eagerly in response as she continued to chuckle. When she confirmed her assumption that he wanted more from the toy, he was completely overwhelmed with lust and began to beg softly.

"Y-yes please, don't be gentle. Give it to me…please." He moaned, his voice getting a bit higher than usual as she made his heartbeat even faster and his entire body even more vulnerable.

She then moved her hands, “Oh, you want it all?” She asked teasingly.

He nodded as she placed her forearms on the mattress on both sides of his chest. Hearing her teasing and her question of whether or not he wanted it all made his entire body shudder with bliss and desire.

"Yes,” he hissed softly. “I want it all. I want you." Jonathan moaned, his voice still higher and his entire body going slightly limp from her teasing. It was getting harder for him to even speak from the pleasure.

Jonathan opened his eyes and looked into her gorgeous eyes as she gently said, "look at me.” He could not help but be entranced by her beautiful eyes, even in his current state of complete and utter submission.

Her teasing was pushing him over the edge of no resistance, and he could feel his entire body tensing with tension and lust. He was completely helpless and wanted her control more than anything, even though he knew she would push him past his breaking point.

He would welcome it because he was hers.

He then yelped as the entire toy's length was slammed into him so suddenly. His mouth was parted, jaw slacking, his eyes were rolled back into his head, and his entire body was tensed with tension as he arched his back. He was completely consumed with lust and the pleasure that she was giving him.

"Yes." He grunted softly, his body tensing as she commanded his entire body, moaning at her sudden rough thrusts, his whole body tensing up from the sensation of her taking control of him.

Her every move was making him go insane with pleasure, but at the same time he felt like he was past the edge of no return and just wanted her dominance to be pushed as far as she wanted to push it.

Jonathan was in a complete state of obsession, but he welcomed it and reveled in her aggression.

She then leaned down towards his neck, and he shuddered as she began to lick his skin.

Her tongue on his neck combined with her rough thrusts led him to moan even louder than before. His entire body quivered as her tongue added that extra element to his already overwhelming feeling of obsession and lust for her.

It felt like she had completely taken over Jonathan's body and he accepted his position of total submissiveness.

“It’s such a shame that I can’t feel how tight you are,” she huffed teasingly against his pale skin. “I’m almost jealous of the silicone toy for experiencing it and not me.” She said playfully, nibbling onto his skin.

He bit his lip as she nibbled on his neck and teased him by expressing her jealousy of the silicone toy for experiencing Jonathan's tightness instead of her.

His entire body shuddered, and he let out another moan, his heart pounding violently against his chest.

Jonathan could feel that she was trying to get a rise out of him by teasing and mocking him, but the effect was actually the opposite. He was completely enraptured by her teasing.

“Such a pretty sight. You are arching your back, your neck strained, your eyes rolling back into your head and your mouth agape.” She purred before licking a stripe in the curve of his neck playfully.

He moaned softly as she described his current state. She was right as Jonathan's head was thrown back, his neck was tight, his eyes were rolled back into his head, and his mouth was left agape.

She decided to rub her stomach against his massive appendage as she thrusted into him.

He didn't even realize he was breathing so hard and heavily, but he couldn't help but moan loudly at her actions.

His entire body was quivering with such pleasure that his heart was beating so fast that there was even a chance he felt lightheaded.

It was as if she was causing his heart to explode.

“Touch yourself,” she whispered.

His heart was pounding so hard even through the sheer pleasure of her actions that Jonathan could only nod before he dragged his hand between them, his hand was shaking lightly before he curled his fingers around his thick cock. His breaths were coming in forms of shuddering and shaky due to how she was now controlling him in every aspect, down to his own touch.

He whimpered softly as she moaned when she felt his knuckles gliding against her stomach, causing her skin to break out in goosebumps as he touched himself.

The sound of her moan was so sexy to him, and he was barely able to keep himself under control as she clearly was enjoying him using his own touch as per her command.

He was now completely enraptured and mesmerized by her and her actions, the way she was enjoying controlling his touch was one of the hottest things Jonathan ever witnessed.

“When was the first time you touched yourself while thinking of me?”

His entire face turned red, and his voice was shaky as he replied, "When I first saw you, I went home that night and could only think of you."

He was embarrassed as she had completely brought that secret memory up to the surface and exposed it for her. He panted softly as he gripped himself tighter, dragging his fist over his shaft.

“Oh, so you’ve wasted a lot of cum over the years when it should’ve been inside me.” She said teasingly, smirking down at him, her eyes shined with mirth.

Jonathan was so mortified and embarrassed that she would know just how deep his obsession went down to the most private and intimate moments, but he simultaneously enjoyed his girl having such knowledge of him and being able to make him feel this way. His obsession was only building to unprecedented levels of desire as she continued to tease him like this.

“Don’t be ashamed.” She cooed softly. “I think it’s attractive. A man like yourself who is the most feared and respected professor and villain of Gotham…who also barely looked at women…is reduced to pleasuring to the thoughts of me after we met.” She purred.

Her teasing about his obsession with her reduced his pride even more and he couldn't help but blush even more as she went on and on about how he barely looked at women but was completely aroused by her.

His eyes rolled back into his head as she removed his wrist from his cock before grabbing his other wrist and pushed them above his head, pressing into the pillows before pushing herself into him fully and starting to thrust hard.

Jonathan let out a soft moan from the sensation of her body moving up and down with rough thrusts combined with her grasp on his wrists and keeping them above his head.

Jonathan was almost brought to his breaking point from her rough movements right now and he knew he would not be able to hold back for much longer.

She was looking down at him with soft lust in her eyes “You look so pretty looking all fucked like this.” She breathed. “Mine.” She purred.

His mouth opened slightly, and his eyes were still rolled back as her words of owning him were making him feel more and more helpless and he knew it was the truth. He was his girl's for the moment and the only thing on his mind was her control.

His back arching increased as her thrusts became harder and deeper. His mouth was still left wide open in surprise and moans of pleasure as her actions became more and more powerful.

Jonathan’s heart was now pounding, and he felt lightheaded as her control became more intense and the thrusts became more deep. His head suddenly went completely empty, and his entire body was simply acting on her.

“This is smaller than your cock.” She breathed and he was barely able to gasp she pointed out how much bigger Jonathan was in comparison to the toy his girl was currently using to dominate him. She continued, “imagine you taking me like this with the size of your cock.” 

His eyes then widened at her comment, and his mind went completely blank once she suggested he imagine taking her in the same way with the size of his own cock.

His lust increased exponentially, and he was completely overwhelmed and enraptured by her dominance and her words currently.

She switched one hand to hold both of his wrists as much as she could, and her hand trailed down between them until she reached to touch his cock making him release a soft moan. Wrapping her fingers around it, she could not even hold it completely due to his size, and somehow it sent a shiver down her spine.

In Jonathan’s current state of obsession and lust, he felt completely overwhelmed and consumed by her touch on all levels.

Her lips parted to spit onto his cock below her, wanting to see his girth coated in her saliva.

His jaw hung open and his eyes rolled back in his head as his girl’s spit dribbled onto his thick cock, and he felt her fingers rubbing her saliva all over it.

He was completely enraptured by her actions at the moment, and his heartbeat so violently that he felt like it would explode.

Jonathan bit his lip as his eyes refocused momentarily as she thrusted into him, and then his body shuddered when she leaned down to his lips and coated them with a swaddle of saliva in a teasing manner.

Jonathan’s eyes were rolled back, and he let out another soft moan as his heart rate increased even more and his desire for her surged beyond reason. He immediately parted his lips to slip his tongue out to collect her spit off his lips before swallowing what was collected on his tongue.

“You’re such a slut for my saliva.” She purred softly. “My pretty slut.” She said teasingly.

He whimpered softly as her words and actions had his entire mind completely blank of everything other than her.

The combination of her saliva dripping down his lips, her rough thrusts, and her dominant behavior was making his lust completely blown out of proportion, and he began to moan in pleasure once more.

She increased more force to her thrusts, releasing his heavy cock to grab his other wrist again so she could make him feel the force of her thrusts as she let more saliva from her mouth to coat his lips. She was more closer to his face when she held both of his wrists in her hands, towering over him as much as she could.

His eyes were still rolled back, and he let out a louder moan as the sensation and force of her current actions overwhelmed him on every level.

Jonathan whimpered softly as she leaned down and teased his lips with her own.

He wanted his girl’s lips to meet his own so badly that it made his heart rate accelerate even more and he let out a guttural moan.

His thoughts were completely consumed by her all over again and the desire to kiss her right now.

Her grip on Jonathan’s wrists suddenly became nonexistent. The moment she released his wrists caused Jonathan to feel such a sense of relief and need for her that even the brief moment of release heightened his desire for her. He immediately moved to lean forward slightly and captured her lips with his forcefully.

She gasped in surprise when she felt his arms wrapped around her waist, dragging her closer to him, making her flush against him completely. Her thighs were pressing against the back of his thighs firmly.

His heart rate rose sharply, and he let out a pleased moan as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close in an intense kiss.

Jonathan's kiss was a fierce expression of his all-consuming passion for his girl, his desire to kiss her right now was greater than he imagined.

He couldn't even begin to describe just how much he loved his girl right now and how obsessed he was. He was sure it could be his downfall, but he had stopped caring the moment he met her.

She raised her arm to grab the headboard, pulling herself up a bit while her other hand reached to curl her hand around the railing as a leverage to add strength into her thrusts as she pushed her hips into him.

He moaned and shuddered in pleasure as she forcefully thrusted into him and kissed him almost sloppily due to the intensity that arose between them.

It made the thrusts even more intense for him, and his own movements were more aggressive for her as he tried to compensate with the pace of her thrusts being so forceful.

His heart was pounding as his lips were border-lining violently against her lips, his tongue battling hers for dominance, almost as if he was trying to consume his girl with himself.

“My pretty slut,” she murmured into his mouth, and his breath quickened, moaning softly in return.

Her murmurs to him were a complete turn on for him and he immediately let out a deeper moan and wrapped his arms around his girl's waist in a tighter grasp, his fingers digging into the curve of her spine.

She felt his cock began to swell even more as a sign of upcoming release. “What’s happening,” she asked teasingly into his mouth, anticipating the inevitable.

Jonathan groaned between kisses and murmured into her mouth, "you know exactly what's happening."

Her behavior the entire time they have spent together was completely bringing out a side of him that even Jonathan couldn't comprehend at that moment, but he felt completely enraptured and obsessed by his girl like never before, and he had no idea how he could handle the emotions and feeling that was currently running through his body and his mind.

[bettyshoweduptotheparty]

I’m Still Here - A comment on media culture and perception 14 years later

I know I'm not the first person to make a connection between this 'Still Here' hat that Taylor wore last year and Joaquin Phoenix's 2010 mockumentary "I'm Still Here", but having now actually seen it, I can't not pick it up and comment on just how relevant this still is and how much it mirrors Taylor's experience and relationship with the media, especially as she herself described it during the reputation era. And seeing as this film is largely perceived as having flopped and fell on deaf ears, because the general public didn't get the commentary that was being made, I think it deserves a closer look and deep dive, even if it's 14 years later. I will be using the comments from a great article by Hanne Hermens, published in 2020 in diggit magazine (available here).

What is 'I'm Still Here'?

Back in 2008, actor Joaquin Phoenix announced his retirement from acting and proceeded to seemingly pursue a career as a rapper/ hip hop musician with limited levels of talent or success on that front. A lot of people thought it was a joke at first, but as the months went on and Phoenix descended into a scruffy, unstable version of himself, the majority of people seemed to buy into it and assumed that he'd just lost the plot. I was only 19 and living in Australia at the time, but I remember the media frenzy around this 'unhinged basket case' of a once famous actor when he'd apparently become something that was fair game for public mockery. Only a full 18 months after assuming this deranged public persona, did Phoenix reveal that it was in fact all performance art and his experience of the media and public engagement with his curated persona, a purposeful media scandal, was the subject of his non-fiction film. Somewhat not surprisingly, people didn't like being the butt of the joke and the film was perceived with a wave of outrage, people were calling him a liar, a con artist, and many other things. But just because the audience largely didn't like his way of holding a mirror up to celebrity and media culture, the question remains: Was this an elaborate hoax or was Joaquin Pheonix on to something with this portrayal?

It was certainly a big investment in a social experiment of how the media and public would react to a celebrity seemingly losing it and descending into chaos. And it did take a toll on Phoenix's mental health to be so publicly mocked, even though he'd curated this character and subsequent media storm intentionally. It does pose the question: Did he lie to everyone or did the media and public decide what his story was going to be because he dared to step out of his mold?

Hanne Hermens introduces the concept of narrativity in her article, a question of identity and authenticity when it comes to public figures and how they are portrayed in the media:

Personally, I think this film is a true masterpiece and just went completely over people's heads with the point it was trying to make. It was a very needed critique of celebrity media culture, and bear in mind this was 2010 when we barely had social media (!), it is so much more true and relevant today. And the bigger the celebrity, the more true it is. We create narratives and boxes for them that become truth, and don't you dare step out of it or you will be publicly humiliated... which brings me to our biggest current celebrity: Taylor Swift™

Taylor's relationship with the media goes as far back as her career is long, but has really taken a turn during her 1989 era, resulting in her her self-perceived cancellation in 2016 and her 'rise from the ashes' reputation era, which was very heavily styled around media narratives and it was the first time that she actually released music hitting back at the industry and media landscape. And, in particular, something that really reminded me of the points made above in the film and article, is the reputation prologue (the only words she ever said about this otherwise commentless album):

Like Hermens suggests, Taylor acknowledges the way the media narratives create truth for a celebrity in the eyes of the public. And she is making it very clear that she is the curator of her own narrative by 'what she choses to show us'. Something she also heavily emphasized in her 2023 TIME Person of the Year interview. So much so, that the article literally starts with "Taylor Swift is telling me a story..." and ends with the journalist wondering if everything he just heard and subsequently wrote about, was laid out for him to perceive in a certain favourable narrative. Maybe he felt tricked in a similar way to the public reacting to Phoenix's mockumentary, realising they were part of the game. But she does it in such a remarkable way that you can't help but play your part. Trust the greatest storyteller of our generation to beat the media at their own game. She has years of experience. But I think she's about done with this circus.

Reality or.... the manuscript?

If you are offended by the suggestion that Taylor Swift's public image is entirely curated and has very little to nothing to do with her real person, then please stop reading now. I think it is not too much of a reach to assume that at the very least, the majority of this larger than life persona she has become, is fake. If the songs on TTPD haven't given you that impression, you really aren't listening. In a way, her career so far has been an 18 year run of a show where she is the main character ("The years passed like scenes of a show"). And haven't the last 12 or so months given performance art vibes?? The Mayhem with Matty? The High School musical romance with Travis? The freakin Super Bowl?? Maybe I'm just too grossed out by it all, but it seems more fake and over the top than usual. And funny how most of the people she's hung out with during those months are all actors...

Relax, I'm not saying that she will pull the rug tomorrow and make all her little fans look like fools for believing in this show (although it would be funny...). But I think after all these years, it would be her prerogative to stop playing their game. Stop being a circus animal, or a toy in a box. The Tortured Poets songs are a warning (she said so herself in her summation poem) that, just like when Joaquin Phoenix pulled the curtain on his elaborate trick, many people aren't going to like what's coming. But I truly hope that this time, the message will not be so lost on people. Yes, we are all part of the problem. Our intrinsic nosiness and tendency to make celebrities into characters, remove their humanity and believe pictures in magazines more than their own words or art. We think we know someone, but the truth is, that we only know the version of them they have chosen to show us.

If we should be so lucky to meet the true Taylor some day soon, I for one, am excited to meet her.