#cuz if it comes from an honest place of wanting to learn then im happy to explain whatever stupid thing

[brutal-nemesis]

Feel free to ignore this and im sorry if i word it poorly, but I'm asking because I'm genuinely curious and want to learn as I don't know any aroace people in real life! You said you have a boyfriend, but you don't feel romantic attraction. How does that change having a friend vs having a boyfriend?

No worries I'm happy to talk about it!! This might get kinda rambly but oh well shove it under readmore so i can talk forever

So I think for my boyfriend, I think it's just like more intense platonic feelings? The sorts of things I want to do with him are things I would be fine doing with someone else, if that makes sense. Cuz a lot of aromantics/aro-adjacent people struggle with telling the difference between romantic and platonic attraction, myself included. At some point I defined romantic as wanting to do certain things with Them and Only Them, while platonic is like I would prefer to do xyz thing with them but if I did it with someone else it wouldn't be weird. "Doing things" in this case ranges from eating a meal together to cuddling (for me things don't go beyond that physically). Idk if I explained it well enough but that's the definition I use for myself.

So like I still love him and care about him a lot and everything but it's not quite the same way he loves me (he's straight). I at least can sense a sort of difference in how we feel about each other, idk if he can, but it makes me more certain that my feelings for him aren't romantic, and that is okay. He's known I'm aroace since before we started dating (he was super scared to ask me out because of it rip bozo) so we've always been on the same page about all of that.

And you're probably wondering why I did agree to go out with him if I don't have romantic feelings for him. For starters, I've never been opposed to the idea of having a partner, but it was more of a "if it happens great and if not that's fine too" kinda vibe. In the months before we started dating we'd gotten really close as friends and did some cuddling because that shit can totally be platonic yk. He caught feelings somewhere along the way cuz Straight and when he asked I said yes cuz I do want to be with him. I wanna hang out all the time and go for hikes and watch Ghost Files and make dinner together and let him have some of my ice cream.

I could do those things with someone else and still have fun, but I'd rather do them with him. So it's platonic, in my eyes, but it's still very much love.

[smol-grey-tea]

for the ask game: tei? im curious about your thoughts on tei!!

Woah! :0 you funny, I already did Tei :) maybe I'll just go into a bit more detail and elaborate on the bullet points from last time!!! 😊

Chance for me to infodump about my thoughts on Tei :3 😊

Tei's so interesting. He pisses me off, he's the most boring one, but it's tbh mostly cuz he's the most popular within the fandom, that's why I don't as much like him. I think ppl only focus on the fact that he's a possessive yandere obsessed with purity and believes that no one should hurt his owner, but if anyone is going to, it should be him

Boring

Boring, boring boring

Get real. Get actually interesting. Oh. My. God.

Ppl rly think that's the most interesting aspect of his character?? It's certainly not the most relatable, at least not to me

Tei is a character wracked with anxiety and worry for his owner, who he places on a pedestal higher than the sun for smiling at him in place of treating him like the scum of the earth that he believes himself to be. He's not concerned about the owner abandoning him like Yeonho is, just about the owner's safety. He'll stop at nothing to keep that safety, and that's no exaggeration

In this way, he acts selflessly, say for all but his selfish desire to hurt the owner. He feels immense shame and disgust around it and blames it on his being dirty, but I think it's not so much a result of his being grotesque and disgusting, but simply lonely.

It must be incredibly isolating to shoulder so much pain and fear and worry all on his own, all while dealing with the painful memories of his previous owner. The best way I can interpret his desire to hurt Eri is by saying that deep down, he wants someone to lean on or relate to in his pain, and feel comfort thru their shared trauma.

He wants to dirty his owner, to make her like him, so that they may both finally be on the same level of purity and he can stand with her, and she can understand him. He cares for her deeply and sees her as safe but would feel guilty for burdening her with his issues if she was pure, but that wouldn't matter if she were just like him

He views this desire as selfish but I believe that this desire is manifesting from the simple desire for human connection, someone to be completely himself and honest around, which is something not nearly as selfish as he would believe ❤❤❤

Obviously, this doesn't excuse it. To change, he needs to learn to seek help, to reach out honestly about the pain he's going thru, taking one step at a time

Whether you romanticise his toxic behaviour or demonise it, I think it can still be agreed that simply removing him from the picture isn't a good solution to the danger that he is. Evidently, aside from Eri, Tei is the glue that holds the whole family together. He cooks, cleans, does the laundry and all the pecking he needs to, not just for Eri, but for the whole household

He gently urges Lance not to fight with Red; calms Yeonho's anxiety and teaches him cooking; nags Yuri but still feeds him and helps him just the same; and keeps Red happy and entertained with the justice warrior role playing

His relationships with each of the other boys are equally as complex as his with Eri, the way Red can feel comfortable enough with Tei to talk to him in a serious manner, and the way that Yuri warns Eri of Tei's dangers. Fascinating stuff behind the scenes that we don't even see!!!!!

I'm not sure how Cheritz would've been able to do this, since Nameless is told thru Eri's perspective, but based on the above, here's how I think that Tei's story could've been written a bit more realistically for him:

He cares for Eri deeply and his desire to hurt her doesn't just spring from nowhere, but comes more from the desire for human connection, someone to rely on or relate to, someone he can be his authentic honest self around. After hearing Tei's explanation, Eri agrees to help him thru his recovery, which is sweet of her, but I know that any relationship with someone you put on a pedestal can be extremely tough. It's incredibly easy to relapse and fall back when your entire day rests on whatever mood that one person is in

I've spoken about this before. In my opinion, Tei needs someone he can rely on, who is older than him, who he cannot hurt as easily, who he doesn't idolise, who he has much more stable of a relationship with

He needs Yuri. And Yuri needs him

It's the same for Yuri. Just like in his own route. He struggles with understanding emotions, especially sincerity that isn't tied to just empty flirting

The best way that Yuri can learn about authentic, sincere emotion is by trying to build a relationship with someone who he knows definitely isn't just interacting with him because of his good looks. Sure, Eri probably isn't, but being his owner (and a girl) that can kinda throw a wrench into things

Oh I haven't even mentioned that Tei's ocd is the biggest thing I can relate to him with. Hmm. It's 01:04. If I think of anything else to add, I'll make an addiction tomorrow. Idk how to conclude this essay, so I'll just say thanks again for sending the ask, n please keep em comin!!!!! I can do this for over 672 hours!!!!! ^^

[indieboysarehot]

What, like Risky Business? - ANOTHER Nick Valensi x reader series pt 6

Picture it: year 2000, August 21, party at Albert Hammond Jr’s and Julian Casablancas’ apartment - more like a intimate get-together (A/N: im so fucking funny with these shitty references) with you, the guys, and a few other outside friends like the up-and-coming Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Having introduced Karen and Julian, you felt like your two worlds were colliding a little bit, happy that two NYC bands with two totally different sounds could still get along and even teach each other songs. Nick Zinner and Nick Valensi were sitting down playing Albert’s Fender Strat, each one of them learning a song from the other, Fab was talking to Brian Chase and Nikolai, Albert butting in every once in awhile - though he was talking more to Karen and Julian - and you? Well..you were just observing, smiling at your friends who were all getting along. It felt good to see the guys, who acted like a very exclusive gang, interact with another band that felt very much like an exclusive gang. When worlds collide, I guess.

“Okay, so with this song Karen’s been working on, I tuned the low E string down to C, and basically you play that throughout the song…for the most part,” Nick Zinner smiled, handing the Strat over to Nick after demonstrating a little bit. The brunette Nick - not the black haired Nick of Yeah Yeah Yeahs - picked it up almost immediately, almost perfectly. 

“Shit man, that’s like..really cool, I like it! Are you gonna play it at your next show or…?” 

“We’re thinking about it, but we wanna flesh it out a little more.” 

It seemed like Nick and Nick were really getting along, making your heart swell with happiness. Everyone else was getting along too, and, my god, you were so excited. 

—————————

Pulling you aside about an hour and a half after the get together had pretty much ended, the Yeahs having to get out of there because they had a recording session early in the morning, Julian posed a question to you: “Okay, okay, what’s like..yknow, goin’ on between you and Nick. Cuz like…he’s losing his mind over you and Jack and won’t fuckin’ shut up about it. It’s kinda getting annoying. Like…I really think he’s into you, yknow? Like I dunno, just a thought, but like…now the real big money question here is, do you like him. Cuz, if you don’t you should just tell him, cuz he’s like..losing his fuckin’ marbles…yknow?” 

‘How many ‘yknow’s can this dude say in like…2 sentences?!’ You thought to yourself before beginning your response, “Look, Jules, I liked him, but like Jack and I are kinda seeing each other now. I don’t even know if Nick likes me like that and, to be honest, I’ve gotten to the point where I’m not gonna stress out about it.” You shrugged. It was true though, you weren’t gonna stress about something that may or may not be true! It would drive you fucking nuts!!

“Well, if you ever ask him, I’m sure he’d tell you. I mean, yeah, I wouldn’t stress either, but still…it’s thought provoking, yknow?” Julian shrugged too before drinking out of a literal fucking normal sized bottle of wine. 

‘Like hell would I ask him something like that!’ Internally rolling your eyes. 

——————————

Taking the subway back home with Nick, you leaned on one of the poles that you were supposed to hold onto; having gotten so used to taking the train, the shaking of it barely phased you anymore. The two of you weren’t talking, but it seemed like you were just enjoying each other’s company. You two also smuggled a bottle of wine in a brown paper bag from Albert’s place, planning on continuing the party by yourselves. Nick looked at you, you looked at him. 

“If we kissed right now, would that be weird?” Nick asked, staring right at you. Blunt, but you were used to him being that way as that really was his personality. If he wanted to say something, he could and would say it. 

“What, like the movie Risky Business?” You laughed, slightly blowing off his proposal. 

“I mean like, I guess, so. I dunno, we don’t have to! Just a thought—“ Grabbing the collar of his jean jacket, you kissed him passionately. Nick jumped slightly, surprised that you, who was first joking about the kiss, decided to just go for it. His hands grabbed your waist and squeezed softly, slightly pulling your shirt up to expose some skin. It felt like it lasted forever, but the both of you wanted to make it last even longer than forever as you were totally caught up in the moment, no thoughts, no cares, just the two of you sharing something very personal. 

Only pulling away to breathe for a hot sec, the kiss lasted for minutes. It felt like love and neither of you could get enough of it. 

‘I’m…so damn in love with her!’ Nick exclaimed in his mind, realizing his true feelings in that moment. Upon having that thought, he pulled away quickly, stating a quick “sorry” and went back to where he was standing before across from you. ‘This is wrong..this is so wrong, I just fucking kissed her and she’s like…almost dating someone’

Feeling really rejected and upset, you bit your lip until it was raw and looked down at your battered converse. No one spoke for the rest of the ride, the walk, or the night.

----------------------------

*insert that one vine where the dude is stoned and he turns around and looks at the camera and goes “wow”* also *insert the song “when worlds collide” from spongebob)

[clownistyping]

A Witch & A Hick, Chp. 3

Little Secret

This chapter is just the two learning about each other and car problems lol.

Also warning for Elizabeth offering sex as payment lol, it doesn't happen. Also I do hc Lester living in a trailer bc its extremely common and realistic tbh.

Lester puts the truck in drive and looks at Elizabeth as he presses the brake, 

"I remember you said there's a town nearby, any chance we can go there to fix up my van?" Elizabeth asks as she pets the two dogs, 

"No need, they'll charge ya criminal prices. I can fix it." Criminal prices, he repeats in his head. 

"Oh come on, you've already done so much." Elizabeth says her face soft, 

"I insist! I can't just let them uh take ya money when I can fix it for free." He smiles and Elizabeth mirrors it. Lester gives from the brakes and drives towards his home, 

"I have a feeling there's something...more behind this." Lester gulps, 

"What made ya think that?" Lester nervously laughs and his hands tighten around the wheel, 

"That's how most men are, expect a favor for a favor. Though they often expect ya know." Lester blinks and cringes, 

"Aw that! I wasn't thinking anything like that, hell I wasn't even thinking about you doing anything." 

"I mean I'll do it." His eyes widen and he stops the truck again, 

"What?" He blushes and looks at the girl, 

"I'll get you off, I've done it before." 

"No no! I have to decline, I just ain't that kinda man." Lester nods to the woman who shrugs, he lied. He is that kinda man, he's had victims beg for safety with offers of sex. He always took it, but let's the girls fall back in the hands of his brothers. 

"Not that I don't find ya pretty!" He defends quickly and Elizabeth laughs, 

"You're real purdy, I just. I just can't." He sighs and Elizabeth notices how tense he is. 

"Thanks, for calling me pretty." She smiles, 

"I think you're real pretty too." She compliments Lester who blushes again, Lester has never talked to a stranger this long. Never had a girl call him pretty, never met her.

"Ya just sayin that cuz I'm given ya a ride." Lester chuckles and Elizabeth shakes her head, 

"Nope," she pops her P, 

"Everybody's beautiful in they're own way, just as nature intended." Lester blinks and remembers her van, the witchy collection in it. 

"Oh right, you're a witch!" Lester exclaims and Elizabeth nods, 

"How'd you know?" She teased and Lester laughs,

"How'd you even get in all that junk anyways?" Lester asks and flicks his hat, 

"It ain't junk. Don't be rude," Elizabeth smirks and Lester nods his head, Jonesey puts her head on Lester's lap. He pets the dogs head. 

"Sorry but, how did you ya know..start?" 

"My sister got me my tarot cards, she really showed me the basics of witchcraft. Our parents didn't really care all that much but never let us do it in the house. Guess that's why I moved out so early too." Elizabeth laughs, 

Lester pulls up towards a driveway of a trailer.

The trailer is a once white single wide, covered in vines and ivy. Bones hung from the porch ceiling, 

Elizabeth notices his front door was wide open, and in the yard were scatters of trash, car parts, bones and more. The windows were open but blinds were keeping the inside blocked. 

It looks like nobody lives there, as stray cats scurried under the trailer and hissed at each other.

"I'll be quick, I'll just unload your van and fix her right up in a jiffy." Lester smiles at the girl and gets out of the truck, Jonesey follows and Mac follows after her. 

Elizabeth smiles as she watches the two dogs sniff around and play, getting out of the truck her barefeet sink into the grass and dirt. She stretches, the truck wasn't entirely comfortable with Mac siting right on her. 

"Sorry for the mess, I don't really have guests." Lester says as he unhooks the van, 

"Its fine, I've seen much worse." 

"Nah, doubt it." Lester shakes his head and wipes his hands on his jeans, Elizabeth takes note of the depreciation joke he says. 

As Lester pops her hood and smoke rises from it, Elizabeth frowns. 

"That happened before?" Lester asks as he waves the smoke off, Elizabeth nods. 

"Yeah, I've had a couple engine problems. Mainly because of oil, but my light wasn't even on." 

"Yup, cars will do that. Just spring a problem on ya right as ya were doing fine." Lester grazes his hand over the engine and instantly finds the problem, 

"When's the last time ya changed the cooling fan?" 

"Never." 

"Cleaned it?" 

"Never." Lester sighs and Elizabeth frowns, 

"That bad?" He nods, 

"Your engine is busted, you're gonna need a new one." 

"Nooooo." Elizabeth groans

"Hey its okay, this happens all the time. It's just an accident." Lester tries to comfort the girl, she squats and hides in her knees. 

"Hey now," Lester gets on his knee and pats the girls back. 

"We can maybe order one from the next town over, but it'll take a while for it to come in since we're basically in the middle of no where." Lester then sits with the girl and he blinks when he hears a sob come from her. 

"Jeez darlin, it ain't anything to cry about." He says and Elizabeth looks up, her makeup more runny than before, 

"This is my karma! I know it is and- and I shouldn't be cryin-ing but-" she hides her face again and Lester stutters, 

"Aw no no, this ain't karma just an accident. Honest." 

He isn't entirely sure what else to do, seen plenty of girls cry in Ambrose. Ain't none of them cried like this. 

Crying about karma, hell if karma was real he'd be dead, he thinks and shakes his head. He gently pats the girls back as she sobs. The two dogs show up and sit around the two Mac places his head on the girls back. Pushing Lester's hand away, Elizabeth quickly hugs her dog.

After a couple minutes, her sobs stop and she looks up. 

"Im sorry Lester, I just. It's just been a lot today," she says and wipes her eyes, smudging her makeup. 

"Wanna talk about it?" Lester ask and Elizabeth looks around, noticing the sun is starting to set. 

"No, not right now. I'm just tired now, sorry for bothering you with my emotions and junk." 

"Ain't no bother at all, I'm happy to help." She shows a smile from his words as he stands, he puts his hand out and she takes it to stand. 

"I know, and thanks again. Do you think it's alright if my van stays the night? I'll try to go to another town in the morning and order an engine. I'll find a motel too." She says, trying to clean her face up from tears and makeup. 

Lester raises a brow, and Elizabeth shakes her head already knowing he'll offer his home. 

"Lester please you've already done so much for me! I promise that by tomorrow I'll be out of your hair." She says and Lester shakes his head, 

"Darlin, How about we both go into town order you an engine and when it gets here I can put it in. If you think I'm letting you sleep in that hot van for the night you're dead wrong." Lester stands up straight and crosses his arms, Elizabeth actually has to look up to see his face. 

"I've got a spare room, it's messy and mainly holds all my junk but it's got a bed, a desk and a closet." Lester says and Elizabeth takes a deep breathe, 

"Thank you," she says and Lester uncrosses his arms, 

"I mean it, without you I'd probably be kidnapped by some crazy guy. Unless you are the crazy guy." She jokes and Lester nervously laughs.

"I like to call myself unqiue." Lester jokes and Elizabeth laughs, 

"That you are friend, that you are." Elizabeth says and watches as the sun falls behind the trees.

After grabbing her needed things from the van, the two walk towards the trailer. 

The two walk onto the wooden porch, Elizabeth's hands grazing the bones hanging above, 

"Those are my people repellents, makes hikers skedaddle." Lester jokes and Elizabeth smiles, 

"They're beautiful," she compliments and Lester walks through the open door, 

"Yup, they sure are. I uh, I keep my door open so the strays can come in and relax and get away from the heat." He says and flicks on a light, it blinks a few times but turns on. 

The two are standing in the living room, the couches covered in fur and scratches. Clothes are all around and clean and unclean bones sit on the coffee table. 

But the recliner is free of fur, just a flannel on the back. 

Lester notices his playboy magazine on the coffee table and quickly snatches up the magazine, Rolling it up he laughs embarrassingly. 

"Sorry about that, again not often I get guests." Elizabeth smiles and shakes her head. From behind the two, Mac and Jonesey come running in. They jump on the couch and sit next to each other. 

"My house is there house." Lester pets Jonesy's head and smiles, putting the magazine behind the couch during this. He turns to face Elizabeth whose staring at the bones, 

"I'll show you to ya room," Lester walks to the right and opens a bedroom door, 

The bedroom filled with bones in boxes, books, clothes and random knick knacks. He quickly lifts boxes from the bed and pats the dust off. 

"My casa your casa." He smiles and Elizabeth places her stuff down, Lester stands in the doorway now. 

"Thanks again, Lester. I really appreciate it." Elizabeth puts her hand out and Lester looks down at it. It's so small, he gently grabs it and Elizabeth grabs one of the bracelets on her wrist. She brings it over her hand and onto his, 

"I can't not give you a gift." She says and lets him go, Lester looks down at the bracelet. A whole set of animal teeth with beads in between. 

"I- thank you. It's so purdy." He says and continues, 

"You're a real uh...what's it called?" 

"Freak?" He quickly shakes his head, and takes her hand again. Putting their wrists together with the bracelets, 

"Unique," he smiles, "You're a real unique girl." 

"Is it because I mess with bones and junk?" 

"Well that, and because you're real nice." Elizabeth smiles, 

"You're just as unique as me Lester." She says and the two look at each other for a second, wanting this conversation not to end but not sure how to continue. 

Suddenly from behind Lester, Mac barks. 

Elizabeth laughs, 

"It's past his bedtime, sorry he gets cranky when he's not in bed by this time." Lester let's the dog run past him and onto the bed, 

"Well, goodnight, um. Sleep tight?" 

"You too Lester." Elizabeth quietly shuts her door and Lester stares at the closed door. Jonesy whines from behind him, 

Lester turns to the dog and squats, he pets the dogs cheeks and smiles. 

"She'll be our little secret, right Jonesey?" The dog licks his face. 

[romancemoved]

5,6 and 13!

✨ @svmmercmance. meme. still accepting!

5. Would it make you happy if someone corrected your writing mistakes, perhaps gave you feedback?

sure but let’s be real a lot people arent here to improve on anything or whatever lol. and if im gonna be honest tumblr isnt the place to come for correction or to learn anyway. and im saying this because the communities i come from are really critique heavy. we’d redline each others art to correct anatomy, etc etc. i dont mind my mistakes like typos and shit being corrected! ive wanted to do the same but that kind of fell out of rp etiquette... years ago.

these days i just send my stuff to my husband whether rp or my novel draft and let him comb through it. and he’s pretty honest almost brutally so and never has minced words w. me so glfkjgldkf.

6. What is something that you didn’t think you will write but now you are writing it?

ive been rping since 1999 i’ve written it all at this point. i’ve never been shy and intimidated in approaching characters and character types and topics cuz i just think that’s silly tbh!! anyone worth their salt will be up for anything, even if they arent very good at it. its all about experimenting.... get ur hands dirty..... 

13. Have a ship partner promised a ship with your muse and ignored you afterwards?

that’s kind of what’s happening rn and im not happy about it. -_- 

[butter-egg-toast]

Together forever.

Ikuya x reader

Another story I wrote her up at I just wanted my Tumblr followers to see cuz I love you all so much 😘🤗

You and Ikuya were having a little engagement party at your shared apartment with family and Friends.

Time passes by and the party soon ended.

"Thanks for coming" waving your parents off as you shut the door behind you. You signed in relief. Tired, even though you love your relatives they can be very hard to handly.

Ikuya comes from behind you giving you a hug. It took you for a surprise but your were happy to feel his warmth.

"You look so elegant in this dress (y/n)" he kisses your cheek.

You let out a small giggled

"Don't you remember... You're the one who pick this out for me" you smile

"Ohh? I did?" He moves his head near your neck.

"...By the way, I love this perfume you have on!" he nuzzled his face on your neck slightly sniffing it.

"Well.. I'm glad you like it." You turned around wrapping your arms around his neck. For a good minute, you and Ikuya stood there in each other arms. Gazing in each other eyes.

"Did you spray your perfume at the back of your ears too? The scent is strong here." he moves his head towards your ears.

You blushed.  " yeah..." You said.

Ever since you and Ikuya started  dating he always teased your ears by kissing, licking and whispering in them. He knew this drove you crazy and you both loved it.

"you're just so beautiful.." he kisses your lips.

"Oh?! I almost forgot I wrapped up some pistachio cake for you in the  refrigerator, for some strange reason my (sister or brother) kept on eating it.." you said.

Ikuya smiles at you

"I'm happy  you were thinking of me." He kisses you some more.

"I have been thinking about you all day today...How long it's been since we had time together" you said

"..yeah...a while... I know I've  been busy. I didn’t really get to spend much time with you. I’m sorry.” he apologized

“No need to apologize, I know it's  been tough on you since the companionship are coming up, so don't think too much about. I want you to win." You smiled warmly at him.

"I’ve been really looking forward to today... and in the Future I'm looking  forward to being a wonderful husband to you" he said

"And I looking forward to being a wonderful wife" you said

"Hey......can we do it?" he ask

You blushed. "I would love to."

Ikuya smirks

“Hey, where do you want to be kissed?… "Is it your neck?"

"Or your ears?"

"Or…here?"

He rubs your breast through your dress.

"Even though you are clothed I can still feel how soft your breast are".  Ikuya kisses your neck.

"Hmm... I love you." Moving his lips to yours.

You both kiss passionately while you ran your fingers through Ikuya's hair

"I can feel your heartbeat. It’s beating really fast. Are you nervous?" He said with a concern tone.

"Or, are you excited?" He teases you.

Your whole entire face turn red, this was unexpected of Ikuya, so your reaction to his question made you slightly embarrassed. You knew your body and Ikuya most definitely knew your body as well.

"Whoa, that reaction was so cute," he's taken aback.

He pushed your back against the door.

"This perfume is really turning me on…" he places his head on your shoulder.

"Haha I can see.." you smirked.

He creeps his hands behind your back and slowly unzips your dress, pulling it down only exposing your bare chests (your dress had one of those built in bras in it).

"So perfect," he stares a your breasts.

"Ikuya" you feel slightly embarrassed.

"Sorry (y/n) they're just so beautiful" he lowers his head down to kiss your sensitive nubs.

"Ahhh" a soft moan escape your lips.

He teases you more by sucking and biting them.

"..I..Ikuya♡" You covering your mouth.

He stop for a brief moment to look at you.

"Don’t worry about your voice, be as loud as you want." He kisses you again. At that moment you could feel Ikuya's cock pressed up against your thigh. You started to slowly rub your hand against his crotch. You both were really turned on but you still felt a little nervous.

"Are you feeling concerned because we’re at the door?…" he asked

"....a little... " you shook your head.

"Do you want me to stop?" He ask. Ikuya didn't want to force you to have sex here if you didn't feel comfortable. But you didn't want to stop, if anything you wanted him to make love to you already. You were just a little anxious since you guys never had a sex near a door before.

"...no..not really... I really want you right now" you cuff your hands on his cheeks.

He Giggles. "I love how honest you are, I will continue to please you" he kisses your jawbone, moving his hands up your thigh. He makes his way to your panties and starts to rub through the material.

"Mmhh" you moan

"Wow, your completely soak already." he pushed the material to side and starts to rub between your folds.

Stimulating your clit.

"Spread your legs a wider." He said.

Ikuya inserted a finger inside.

"Its so hot, you liked that?" He Whispers in your ear

"..y..y..es" You said as you stumble with your words.

"I’m adding one more finger." He inserted another finger inside you.

"Ahhh♡" you moans.

Ikuya slow pumping his fingers inside you massaging your inner walls, but then he suddenly stop.

"(Y/n) I don't think I can hold it in any longer." he unzips his pants pulling them down to his knees, pulling out his manhood.

"Wrap your legs around me". He lifts you up putting his hands on your butt for support. Without hesitation Ikuya slowly inserted himself inside you. Sending chills down your spine

"Ahhh♡..It’s hotter than usual." He moans.

"Oooh Ikuya♡" you wrapped your arms around him

"I'm going to be a little rough today, is that okay?" he asks

"I don't mind " you burried your head on the crook of his neck.

Ikuya gives you a quick kiss on the cheek. He roughly thrusts his hips against yours. Letting him easily slip inside you, causing you to bump your head against the door.

"Aahh" he groans

You could feel your juices flow out with each of his Thrust.

"More" you pleated with him

Ikuya wasn't really the type to have rough sex with you. He was always a gentle and a slow pace lover but today was different. Today he wanted to fuck you till your legs were weak, till you tremble and beg for more.

"Ah, your so amazing (y/n)" he said as he kisses you. Penetrating you deeper. You calling out calling Ikuya's name in bliss. Both you and Ikuya's voices Echo throughout the corridor and the slippery wet sound effects of your pussy as he pumps in you.

"..T..Thats it....I'm.." you tighten your grip around him feeling yourself getting close. This was intense  pleasure for the both of you. His powerful movement hitting your favorite spot.

" ♡(y/n)♡ I'm so close" fasten his pace.

"I..I..Love ..you ..s..s...so..much Ikuya" you said with a shaky breathe.

"...mmm...Ahhh♡" you came hard, leaving your whole body inside and out shaking. Soon after Ikuya followed after you.

"Ahhh♡" he moans in your ear, as he came inside you, leaving the both of you exhausted.

Ikuya out of breathe."....Haha I can feel You're insides twitching (y/n)" he let's go of you. As your feet hit the ground your legs start to give in.

"Whoa, have your legs gotten week?" He puts your arm over his shoulder.

“Can you walk to the bed?” he asks

You blush a little. "Don't worry about I'm ok"

"."

"Are you sure? Maybe we overdid it?" he's worried about your well being.

"No it was absolutely perfect" you kisses him on the cheek

"Thank you♡" he said

*A few months passed*

You were anxious to tell Ikuya the good news but still unsure of it.

Ikuya and you were at home watching  (favorite movie) and cuddling on the couch

"It feels so calm Holding you like this." You said as you embrace him. Trying to wash away your worries.

"It means we feel safe and trust each other." He said

"Holding you in my arms soothes me; All my fears and worries disappear when I’m with you." He hugs you

You didn't really react to him, this was unusual, on some occasions you'll get a little embarrassed when Ikuya touch you in the slightest.

"What's wrong (y/n), you look distress." He asks you.

You signed, you couldn't hold it any longer you had to tell Ikuya now or never. You turned yourself around and took a deep breathe. Ikuya for some strange reason got nervous as well.

"Ikuya.... Im... pregnant..." you hesitated with your sentence.

At that very moment Ikuya went through different types of reactions. Ranging from shock to nervous to happy. His silence was killing you and, you wanted to know how he felt.

"Ikuya.." your eyes started to tear up.

He suddenly grabs you and embrace you for a hug.

"Ikuya?" Confused even more.

"I’m looking forward to our baby (y/n) ." He blushed

At the moment the flood gates open with tears of happiness from you.

"Hey, from now on, please be by my side forever". You said between tears.

Ikuya laughs.

"We still have a long way to go, but I would never leave your side, I want to come home to you with our child" he kisses you

“I love you.” you said

*Four years later*

You and Ikuya finally got married, moved back to Iwatobi and had your daughter.

Ikuya and (Daughters name) just came back from the swim club. (D/N) was an exact copy of Ikuya, same hair, same eyes, same everything, but except her personality was more like Natsuya's.

They both entered the house to find you standing at the kitchen counter drinking some tea and reading a book.

"Mama" your little girl kicks her shoes near the door running towards you.

"Today I learned about the breaststroke." her mimicking the swimming style with her tidy arms.

"Amazing, your going to be a pro swimmer just like your daddy" you said

"Yeah" Ikuya Ruffles her hair

"Sweetie get ready for bed you got school tomorrow" you said.

She pouts a little and runs upstairs.

Ikuya comes from behind and gives you a hug.

"You want to tell her tonight?" Ikuya questions you

"Yeah, I want to tell she'll be getting a a little sister soon" you snicker as you rub your belly.

Ikuya smiles at you

"Yeah I can't wait" he kisses you.

[drkcnry67]

dont let me fall (day 1)

AN: @obxmermaid​ here is day 1: Ice skating!

Fandom Universe: Harry Potter

pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader

tags: having a quiet moment on the ice, fighting to have a forbidden school romance, Draco meeting the reader to the ice rink in a secluded part of school grounds on break during the day and the 2 of them use their school shoes to skate on the ice

25 days of hogwarts list

this was your 5th year at hogwarts, this year was one of great importance, for this was the year of you starting to tutor. you had tutored partially this last year, but it was a strange start to your tutoring career, for you got assigned to tutor one student in particular. 

Draco Malfoy, from a pureblood family his father a death eater and a follower of Voldemort. you were a strong opponent in dueling and now in quidditch. for you made quidditch captain within your first few games. 

He was also unfortunately a quidditch captain except he played for Slytherin. the captains tent for Ravenclaw (your house) was shared with Slytherin (Draco’s house) sadly though this was only for show. 

as always you sent a fire message to Draco asking to meet in the captains tent to discuss the practice schedule, but also the tutoring schedule it was the most private place away from prying eyes to meet. 

For during the summer in the last few days before the train boarded to go to hogwarts you and Draco bumped into each other. It went something like this:

Draco: YN, how are you?

Yn: Draco, I'm good, yourself!?

You ask casually as though waiting for a miracle. 

Draco: hiding from my family. 

YN: well maybe i can help you hide a bit. 

Draco: what did you have in mind?

YN: we could hide amongst the muggles. 

Draco: you mean hide in plain sight, live like normal people for a few days.

YN: exactly besides then we could actually be a normal couple for once in our almost year together!

Draco: lets go... 

you both went to olivanders and begged him to let you both use his flue travel. he said he would keep your secrets and you would both be safe from the authorities.  that was the start of your first few days as a normal muggle couple. 

after that the start of your 5th year together, you were 16. your 17th birthday would come at the end of your 5th year. draco’s birthday was a month and a bit before yours. 

this made you feel like a normal person the day that Draco first approached you not for quidditch but for tutoring. this was the time when you would now start to build something other than a rivalry with Draco. 

Draco and you had waited a month and a bit before you would meet in the astronomy tower for the tutoring schedule. to have the first tutoring session, plus you would get to greet each other properly... if no one else was around. 

you and draco had your first kiss that final time in the quidditch tent at the end of your 4th year. it was your magical time, it was your own happy ever after. or at least the start of it anyway. 

Draco had slipped you a note on the split off to the dorms. you opened it when you got to your dorm. you made sure no one was around first before opening it. 

Draco’s note: meet me in the tent during spare... i have something to show you... love Draco...

you smiled hiding the note hearing voices approaching. one of them Hermione, the other Harry. both looking at you smiling like a idiot. 

Harry: are you alright YN?

YN: of course why wouldnt i be...

Hermione: why are you smiling ear to ear and why are you giggling.

you had to come up with something believable.

YN: i was talking with the constellations on the ceiling that leo was telling some really good jokes. made me smile. 

Hermione came to sit beside you.

Hermione: your parents again. 

YN: yes they insist on showing me suitor after suitor when i dont want any of those pompus annoying dirtbags, i want someone real and honest and happy to be with me for me. i just want someone of my choosing, not of my parents choice.

you take a breath as a few tears fall.

YN: i just want to be with someone i love and that loves me in return. 

Hermione: dont worry girl, you will find your special person. 

Harry: of course you will trust me its never an easy thing talking to the opposite sex especially if they arent your friend. you just have to make sure that you keep it either within our house or a wizard elsewhere.  

YN: i know but what if my future lies outside of what im supposed to do.  

Hermione: well then we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

You nod as you realize that there is a few moments till charms. then its your spare where Draco wants to meet to give you a surprise. you would be livid if the next hour didnt go by quickly. 

you kept your cool, you didnt show any excitement. though it didnt help that you could feel Draco’s eyes on you the entire time. you were in your own state of mind. you were just thinking about how this entire time your destiny has been right in front of you. 

professor flitwick: alright class who would like to come up here and show us a new charm they learned over the summer! 

You looked back slightly “stretching” your neck Draco nodded slightly to you. you stood up and spoke.

YN: ill demonstrate one professor, but ill need a volunteer... 

meanwhile draco was looking a little bored, he was keeping up his image. 

Professor flitwick: how bout you Mr. Malfoy you look like your kind of bored. come on down, front and center. 

the class watched as draco made his way from his seat to stand before the class. the rivalry between the 2 of you was legendary, well at least among hogwarts anyway. 

Draco: YN

YN: draco

Draco: let me guess the little girl learned some new spells over the summer...lets see this little magic trick...

You pulled out your wand and stood ready. you stare directly at Draco holding his gaze as you speak the spell. 

YN: SILENCIO

the spell was cast. Flitwick was impressed.

Flitwick: impressive YN, very impressive, keep it up and you could possibly take over my class some time. well, Mr Malfoy how do you feel?

Draco’s mouth was now moving but no sound was coming out. the class laughed as the bell rang, people began to get up and gather their stuff, Flitwick waved his wand allowing Draco to speak again. 

Flitwick: don't forget students to speak to YN if you need any help with your studies and work on your wrist movements. there will be a physical spell test before the holiday break.  see you all tomorrow!

the class dismissed, you walked out of the room with Harry, Hermione and Ron. splitting off to go on your spare. which meant dropping your books off at the dorm and then getting ready to meet Draco.  you heard a bunch of merry excitement...

you looked out your window and see a fresh blanket of snow coating the grounds. you decided that your house colors and some winter shoes/jacket would be an appropriate attire. 

you head off for a walk on the grounds in the snow. sticking to the path you take a spin in the snow falling snow. straightening up for the final approach to the tent. you wave your hand silently spelling the tent, to prevent anyone who might hear anything said. 

you enter the tent. Draco’s head turns toward you.

Draco: your early...

YN: no im right on time. sorry about charms class. i was really trying to demonstrate a simple spell that wouldnt get me into deep trouble. i know now that i am happiest when im with you, or reading your little notes, or happily walking through the streets as a normal couple. i know that my future is lucky to have you in it. 

Draco: how could you think that i would be mad over you demonstrating that spell to the class. i was amazed when you cast that. you continue to surprise me every day, and as long as i live i will not let anyone tear us apart. even if i have to give up a part of myself so we can be together. 

YN: now whats your surprise. ive been itching to know. 

Draco: use the same spell thats on the tent on us. we dont want to be heard. 

you do so, Draco takes your hand and smiles as you both walk outside to see the ground now covered in snow. but one thing remained to be seen. an ice rink...

Draco: watch this ive been practicing... call this a demonstration of what you had me study. 

Draco stands beside you wand at the ready pointing it at the snow in front of you. 

Draco: Glacius!

in a few short seconds a rink of ice had been formed before your eyes. you smiled a few moments before moving to hug Draco. 

YN: this is amazing. well done on that spell. but we dont have any skates... 

Draco: we dont need them. come on we just have to smile as we walk gently across the ice. 

Draco takes your hand and both of you walk onto the ice. Your shoes slide a bit, but between the laughter and slipping you got lost in Draco's eyes, that made you loose your balance. You knocked you both into the snow.

The laughter became softer as the gaze you both held now calm expressions of love expressed through soft kisses.

The both of you got up brushed the snow off each other and then heard the curfew warning bell.

Walking halfway back to the school made things easier to say goodbye but it also made things easier to keep up appearances.

One more kiss before you parted ways. You went back inside and Draco waited a full 5 minutes before he followed.

You make it back to your shared dorm and you go sit on the bed, Hermione come in short while later.

Hermione: how was your walk?

Yn: it was amazing! For the fresh snowfall it is really nice out. I went to the quidditch tent and checked the schedule apparently ravenclaw is versing slytherin tomorrow. That means the press will want more draco/ YN rivalry.

Hermione: well let's rest up, it's a new day tomorrow.

Yn: ya it is. Night cuz!

With that you both went to sleep. Draco had made it back to his dorm room and sent u a little text message saying "good night my sweet love." before he too drifted off.

*to be continued*

[drews-diary]

21.08.19

today’s diary entry is gonna be weird. also hi, its been a while. a few days ago, i learned that the fourteen year old i tutor has a boyfriend. and while that is a perfectly reasonable age to have a boyfriend i just cant get over the fact that someone born in 2007 is already capable of typing let alone dating. I remember when my friends little brother who was also born in 2007 was crawling around and cried cuz he hit his head on the table. but to be fair that didnt really bother me too much as i always felt as though i was stagnant and things around me were the ones always changing. 

But then today i was listening to taylor swift’s old albums cuz i was feeling nostalgic and i listened to fifteen from the fearless album that came out back in 2009 and i realized that she released that song when she was around twenty which means she probably wrote in when she was in her teens writing about how she knows so much more than she did back when was starting high school that she wish she could tell her younger self. and i remembered listening to that album as a child and expecting myself to feel the same by the time i became an adult. yet here i am at 21 no thoughts head empty. and i realized that even if i met 15 year old me there is next to nothing i would want to tell her because i still feel like i am more or less still the same ignorant uninformed person. the only thing i would tell her is to stop fucking around and focus on school. 

i feel like i dont have as much experience as the other people around me. I never used to care that i’ve never been romantically involved with someone, but i always thought it would happen eventually when i got to college but a three semesters have passed and i have yet to take a single class on campus. 

to be completely honest the only reason i am even fever writing this right now is because i had a ice cream blending cold brew from starbucks this evening because i had to get up excruciatingly early for class registration (which i completely failed at) and had three tutoring classes today meaning i didnt have time for my daily afternoon nap so the coffee was the only thing making sure i didnt fall asleep during my last class. I purposely dont drink coffee regularly so that i can use it like a magic potion when i need it and the caffeine hits me like a bus. it has been six hours and i am still wide-eyed i should not have gotten a grande. today was also my first time trying coldbrew so there’s that. i was kinda grateful for the effects because it made sure i was awake for today’s episode of hospital playlist but now i kinda wanna sleep since i didnt get much last night and i would like to make sure i dont miss my class tomorrow morning, i have to get up at at least ten, but here i am typing this.and i think i am just going to keep going.

my family moved recently, and for the time being my entire room is surrounded by bookshelves because my brother’s bed is too big and we cant fix any bookshelves into his room and i am only using a mattress topper thing for the next few months. this is because i finally convinced my mom to let me throw out that horrid bed with the curved head and foot board with the flower decorations that always dug into the back of my head, neck, and back when i was trying to read. so that is the situation in my room until the end of the year when hopefully my brother’s whole situation will be over and we can finally go furniture shopping and switch rooms. (we are also currently living in each other’s room because his permanent room aka my current room cannot fit his fucking gigantic boat bed. actually i really love that bed i wish he was still young enough to use it its so cute.

i find our new neighborhood unsettling. like its probably because i got so attached to our old house that we lived in for nine years but i dont know. the place we moved to is a location that i used to spend some time in when we first moved to korea but i literally havent been here in nine years as mentioned earlier, and i am slowly piecing my memories of the geography as well as blending it with the incredibly limited knowledge i have of the nearby surroundings that i built riding the bus and when i was learning to drive because the school that i went to is kind of near our new place. anyways to get back to the subject this new neighborhood is full of too many happy families with these little kids that run around with their sticky little fingers flailing around. like hello we are still in the middle of a global pandemic i swear to god parents of little kids will go loose their minds when their children get sick yet they let them just run around spreading their disgusting little disease to the rest of us. ugh i hate kids. but thats besides the point the reason i think the new neighborhood feels dystopian is because all of the families, children and the elders too (why are there so many elders like i dont hate them or anything most of them are fine but like where are they all coming from?) look so happy. where are the depressed high schoolers and burnt out college students? my brother and i dont seem to have any friends in this bitch. anyways so the sheer amount of happiness that seems to radiate around me reminds me of books and movies like the giver you know or like the uglies series where you start off in this utopian-esque world until you find out that it is actually fake. its unsettling. 

okay now i am kind of tired good night. wait also the public transportation at our new place fucking sucks i know it’s pretty good by regular standards but i am used to subway stations, convenience stores, cafes and bus stops all being 30 seconds away from the entrance of my building. okay the bus stop took more like two minutes but whatever. and buses used to come every five minutes but now i have to walk at least ten minutes to the nearest subway station and the bus stops only have three buses and even those take so fucking long to arrive and they dont even arrive when they say they will they are always late which is why i end up fucking walking twenty minutes to the subway station because that way at least i can guarantee that i am not going to be completely late. unreliable ass buses.

fuck there’s a lot i dont like about my new neighborhood. oh wait we are also far from malls now i have to walk like half an hour to get to the nearest mall when at our old house i only had to walk ten minutes and the mall close to our new house is worse than the old one. this one’s movie theatre isnt even famous. but dont get me wrong i guess there are things i like about our new place like how you can call the elevator from inside the house or how there’s a gym and the fact that i now have ac in my room. i am just being a brat because i really loved our old house. it was perfect. even if i felt as though i was being burned alive during the summers sometimes. i also like my new blinds that let in light in the shape of constellations. 

i dont currently have a desk in my room so i dont know what im going to do when school starts again in a few weeks i guess i’ll have to take my lecture on the floor or maybe on the kitchen table idk.

[blastthatsadfm]

shizaya

I love when my mutuals indulge me on my Shizaya Thirst. 

• when or if I started shipping it. Ever since I saw them on the opening and I’m not even kidding. I wish I was.

• my thoughts: Literally, almost every problem those two ever had (including some of the emotional ones) would be fixed if they could find something like a peaceful coexistence. A Truly peaceful coexistence. That could be by just being companions, snarky friends or being a couple (this last one, Im just saying, IM JUST SAYING). 

But at the same time, it just… wouldnt be them, if they didnt have passionate  feelings for each other. So much of their characers, of their actions, of their feelings, of their personality, was build because of their meeting, because of their contact with each other. This is why I cant really see them being close friends without, somehow, falling in love. Or becoming destructive/self destructive again.They’re literally incapable of being indifferent to each others very existence. Not, at least, without taking a huge toll of their energy.

• What makes me happy about them: They’re on each other’s mind all the time and thats canon. Izaya costantly mentions Shizuo when talking about his only exception on his sick, twisted love for humanity. Scratch that, Izaya mentions and talks about Shizuo all the time when nobody asks. 

 Shizuo is reminded of his own brother when he sees Izaya’s little sisters. I though that connection was odd to have with someone you hate; to be reminded of the positive bonds in your life, by remembering the ones your enemy has. At some point in the novels, on Shizuo POV, when he’s wondering about his past, in which everyone was afraid of him, he specifically remembers Izaya as the one who didnt. And then Narita immediately goes “but he was a man! no homo”.

Besides that, they complement each other. In personalities, in color palettes (I draw! Leave me alone!), in actions. They polarize each other on a perfect way inside the narrative.

• What makes me sad about them: WAHT DOESNT MAKES ME SAD ABOUT THEM, I SHIP THESE GUYS ENTIRELY TO SUFFER, IT SEEMS. 

They’re both very lonely. And its due to their own unchanging nature. And they have a very difficult relationship with bonds. Y E T they seek for bonds, each one on their own way. Izaya by rejecting them and creating his own rules about his relationship and dynamics with people. Shizuo, by accepting his loneliness while at the same time accepting he yearns for connecting with others.

They’re both very sad, deeply lonely characters and due to that I think they do understand each other on a level no other character is able to. (Shinra sees it, but from a detached point of view.)They seem to deny it and push it, though.

Obvs, at the end of the novels Shizuo gets better (but at what cost?).

They’ll never be completely happy or free until their conflict reaches an satisfiable end and I do hate the fact Narita pulled away from that at the last fucking second, after an entire, intense and ultimately useless build up.• things done in art/fic that annoys me:

- When they’re already on a stablished relationship but Shizuo is constantly brute and hurtful. So unnecessary. Especially when, on the plot, is constantly uncalled for, when Izaya has barely done anything to be an acceptable target.There’s a difference between this and being snarky, and I cant see Shizuo not being devoted and compromised with a person he’s in a relationship with. Also, because its usually justified that, despite how brute, uncaring and hurtful he acts, “Izaya knows Shizuo loves him”, which is just…. Yeeeaaah, guys, being treated like shit by somebody you do know loves you, doesnt necessarily makes things better.  The same thing for Izaya taunting Shizuo or provoking him on a distressful manner.

((Its not like I dont want conflict in their relationship, but if I start to wonder wtf those people are even doing together, then you’re not handling writing them on a “relationship”. Relationships are supposed to have nice moments once in a while.))

- When people go ~~dark and gritty~~ and cant decide if they love or hate each other, and then tropes like rape and abandonment and emotional abuse are evoked. Dont do that shit if you dont know what you’re going to do with those plot elements.

- People are usually way too afraid of going far with Izaya’s character (which is such a waste, he’s the character to go far with.), afraid of making him OOC and getting him wrong (which I kind of get it). And then they go T o o F a r with Shizuo’s one instead, making him IDK kill people, be angry with everyone 100% all the fucking time, eat 92059482 cakes, act stupid and unthoughtful, and generally being dumb or selfish, which is just… Ok, but what happened with the Silent Shizuo, who honeslty ponders over things while walking the street, and is kind with people he cares about??

 • things I look for in art/fic: Well written Smut To Be completely honest.   Its been months I havent read fics of those two but I used to read all the time. . But  I was usually up to any kind of trope as long as the author made it work.

Oh! Things around their relationship with their siblings or Raijin schoolmates. It honestly surprises me the lack of it.

• Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:  I’m not a multishipper with Shizaya, man. Its all or nothing. Cant see them fitting well (and being honestly happy and peaceful and at ease) with anyone else.

• My happily ever after for them: So many. One in which they slowly learn how to trust each other and how to lean on each other (after, I assume, a lot of heartbreak). One in which, by loving each other and accepting each othe’s love, they learn how to love themselves, for who they happen to be. And then, they get a puppy. 

• what is their favorite non-sexual activity? Play videogames. Imagine those two playing Mario Kart, how fucking competitive wouldnt it be??   They usually end up yelling at each other, at the end. But the fun, overexcited, kind of yelling. 

Also talk, just … talking. Izaya loves to babble on, about philosophy and whatnot, but Izaya also talks about the russian literature he’s read, his favorite authors, his favorite theories, the random trivia knowledge he posses for which he has no use for (”did you know Shizu-chan, that [random useless fact about caterpillars]” “…. …. ..hmm, caterpillars are cute” “are they?? no, theyre not.” “yes, they are.”.).  Shizuo just listens. He likes listening him. Shizuo would also confide him things. Slowly and in parts. Like his feelings of loneliness, his feelings of guilt, his complicated emotions towards his brother, towards his failures, his fights, his violence. Things that make him feel awful but dont anymore. Izaya wouldnt judge, he’s done and thought worse. Izaya would know better how to put into words, talk with Shizuo about myths of monsters, of heroes. Of psychology theories. Fill the silence after every confession, knowing hes doing so and why hes doing so until he gets a laugh out of Shizuo, or leaves him at ease.

Also, maybe watching cartoon when Akane and the Twins come to visit. Izaya overanalyses them or falls asleep, no middle term. Shizuo just enjoy them and makes tea for Akane.

Eat out at the Russia Sushi. Meet up with their siblings for awkward karaoke nights (Kasuka’s idea.). 

Shizuo cooks for Izaya. Shizuo moves in cuz Izaya’s place is nicer. Izaya remodels his kitchen solely for him and Shizuo to cook more confortably. 

Shizuo makes breakfast while Izaya is asleep. He hums or sings while making tasks. Izaya loves hearing his voice from the other room. He could always tease Shizuo about it but he doesnt because he doesnt want Shizuo to stop doing it.

[xomaleriestar]

Collection of notes

17.02.2021 at 10:02

so what i wanted to say before initially

is that i read the letter

and was wondering if its still relevant

ok so my response letter its so in heat of the moment and gross but whatever. i wanna share before ur travels and not think about it

i think i have feelings for you too big time but im hella damaged and have big problems w trust so its hard to accept any thoughts of them. i literally cant stop thinking about u and it burns in my chest when i do

its recent, like 2 weeks. always thought im totally tripping out and were totally chill but like bro when i went to take that covid test the other day thats when i realised that it might be a fucking problem cuz i literally felt empty inside w out u and im soso scared sooooo scared of being ok with "feelings" and its really goddamn hard to talk about them as well for me but lets see what happens in the next month

slight overview of damage: the more i open up the more distant i get usually. i've always felt im not worthy of anything good in life and im rotten throughout and its my "destiny" to lean how to give myself away to """"god"""" and reach enlightenment through my own methods

i think all comes from my relationship with my mom which i need to fix before being capable of love cuz ive felt my whole life like i have no idea what it is as i think my mother does not know either. so its been my plan all along to try and learn to love my mother on this trip and forgive her (my whole life i ive been dealing with trauma from my dad so new level now spiritually)

it completely quiet in estonia so my mind is racing but whatever

our souls are connected forever and i feel a very strong connection to u and ur very good to me or just are good

18.02.2021 at 08:15

i love you so fucking much. everytime i look at you or think of you i feel blessed. writing these letters im not sure you even exist anymore. (having flashbacks of i love dick :D)

and i relate with everything you've said

i'm honestly very very very confused as well with these things so don't be scared to move at your own pace and trust yourself first..? there's nothing to prove and we both are free and i dont need you to give me anything you dont want to. everything

at the right place right time. i feel lucky?

on the topic of trust... you are the first person in my life i've connected with only based on my gut feeling. i overthink a lot, but with you i havent had the need to. in the past i would change a lot for a person, but with you i've only gone deeper within and it's gotten me to a point where i have you and for the first time i feel ready and i dont want to distance myself to avoid getting hurt and im totally okay with being completely honest with you. the feeling of trust came very naturally but it's still scary. usually i search for understanding and i always feel i never get it but with you its so different, i dont think about it. i've never actually realised before now that it's trust i've struggled with and it makes sense with every part of my life. trusting myself with my art, trusting others with myself. again, coming back to my upbringing-it defo makes sense cuz i've never trusted my mother

it's defo a strange point in our timeline but im glad we've talked about these things and opened up more

please have a safe flight, i cant wait u to be in nyc already and defo call me i miss u so

15.03.2021 at 01:00

i just remembered that i almost gave away my room away in july and cuz i was so depressed wanted to stay in estonia. found a new person but she literally cancelled like a week before i came back to uk and my init

2:42 am

literally i cant sleep and am spiralling so hard. yesterday i found this voice memo from my dads bday in the summer where my mom got super depressive/manic and is crying and im talking with her and i cant get the fucking sounds out of my head and honestly im shocked i even recorded it. my whole childhood was literally spent by her facing the window in our kitchen, not showing her face and crying and later locking herself up in the bathroom and i literally got the whole thing recorded and its so painful to listen

ugh i cant fall back asleep, spiralling so hard. yesterday i found this crazy voice memo from summer, dads bday where my mom got super manic and i had recorded it and found it yesterday. listened to the whole thing a couple times and now its stuck in my head like some random song. i'll play it to u one day, it's literally my 9-18yrs explained in that recording. my thoughts are rapidly shifting between that voice memo and you, i literally spent the whole day thinking about you.

i once dreamt that i needed to speak to my mother, grabbed her by her shoulder to turn around to see her face but she kept turning around and had no face, only hair. i never saw her face and this one time when i was stoned, i was trying to remember her face and couldnt. now realising that maybe it was because of these moments

19.03.2021 at 10:42

i love you so fucking much i love you i love you i love you so mich i love you i love you i love u love u i love you i love you i love you so much i love you so much im in love woth you i miss you im in love with you im in love with you l love you i love you im in love with you im in love with you i love you i love you im in love im in love love i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you so i love you so i love you so much i love you so much i love you i love you i think i really love you i love you so much its hard to breathe and i think i really love you and it feels great to really say it to you

20.03.2021 at 17:12

love u so fucking much coumba honestly i hope youll have an amazing day. im gonna go offline for a bit 

had a really strange dream, really mundane. took the metro home from some festival and was living in my grandmas apartment again and elevator was broken so had to take the stairs. but it was super slow and dramatic. on my way up (the apt is on 6th floor) i over heard my neighbour family fight and i left the door open to overhear what the topic was and they were yelling at their child? 

i crave physical touch

hey hope ur being productive!! goddamn, ive just been writing and reading the whole day and figuring out this creative block situation/ why am i so triggered by work. found the right stuff to read and feeling full of life again. hope u are too

hope you're not second guessing me for getting sad yesterday. im feeling fucking crazy and it might be cause im starting my period. i keep rereading your letter. 

26.03.2021 at 19:21

bless you

ur so nice to me

had a walk and it was really refreshing. feeling better but have so many anxieties that sometimes i just explode

i fucking love u too. sometimes its like ur my lifes worth of care i never 

sometimes i feel like my lifes worth of good is coming to my life through you

......ur so nice to me....honestly i love u too so much..... i think it might be bc of full moon but im just like a total wreck today :D thanks for hearing me out before. and yes i'm excited to see whats waiting for me in london!! 

in other news -.... called me rude and an egomaniac bc i told her i was depressed and feeling xtremely anxious blabla basically overview of what i told u today so will postpone thinking about countryside stuff. feeling like shit again lolzzzzzz bc of it.... we were supposed to go together with misha but misha cancelled right so im not really in a hurry which she knew and wished me a happy trip back to london. like whenever she doesnt get what she wants she goes off but i mean i do understand that im being an asshole as well so its like the perfect way to end this day

baah mh im just gonna rant here u dont even have to respond :D but i used to be really really selfless growing up and my parents always bring it up that i let my friends use me lol and ive been hella defensive abt it always bc i never knew how intense it was?. friends literally always came first and i kinda repressed my true self bc of embarrassment etc etc and two years ago it slowly started morphing into hurt and disappointment idk why i expected sth back (now i dont thats prolly why im super self centred and delusional as well i guess) so like after all this shit when im like yo having a hard time i get called a fucking egomaniac... i think im tired and honestly the fact that im getting along w evert so well makes me so happy but yeah since eliann is horrible at expressing emotions its harder 

31.03.2021 at 20:20

❣️ is for  🚬👄👗COOL🕶☕️🏙❣️

❣️ is for 🎀🎀🎀ORIGINAL 🎀🎀❣️

❣️ is for ⭐️Ur A Star ⭐️ ❣️

❣️ is for MUSIC 🎧🔊🎶❣️

❣️ is for 🦋🦋 BEAUTIFUL 🦋🦋❣️

❣️ is for 💫💐🧚‍♀️ANGELIC 🏵🖼🔮❣️

❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️

02.04.2021 at 14:24

miiisssssssss uuuuuuu sooooo muuuccchhhh aaaannndddd caaannnnoooottttt wwwaaaaaiiiitttt toooo seeeeee uuuuuuu aaallllrrreeeaaaddddyyyyy iiimmmm sssoooop eeexxxccciiittteeeeddddd ffffoooorrrrr iiiittttt

11.04.2021 at 12:54

i really reaally love you

13.04.2021 at 21:53

have said this before but im drunk AGAIN and will say this AGAIN that i think ur amazing 

14.02.2021 at 01:46

im in love w u

[hellaspicaay-blog]

@ my crush(er) A.H

I’ve been hurting, crying, and drowing in my thoughts. I reminisced on the great times we had during summer school p.e. Everything was a learning experience. I learned so much from being around you and having you in my life. You made me want to better myself. I remember after realizing that I was digging you I knew I wanted to change my lifestyle. I wanted to eat healthier for you. I would try to enhance my features for you. I’d elevate my physique and all for you. Although you were so nice to me and would compliment me, I realized that behind your actions towards me was just a friendly motivated one. I read too deep into it. I interpreted everything so that’s it’d match how I felt about you. I projected my feelings onto you so that the whole thing would fall on hope to keep it going. I remember when I was with Taylor and Jenn at the quad talking about something during fall of 2015 and you came into the circle to talk to me. You told them that you needed to talk to me and I felt so special because you grabbed me by the arm and lead me out the circle just so that it’d be the both of us having a conversation. I remember that shy awkward smile you were giving me while asking me if I was gonna do cross country and I said yeah. I remember the excitement on your face. The tone of your body movements. You made me feel like a somebody. You made me feel capable. I’d always have you on my mind. Not sexually though. Your character and the way you just were was enough for me. Your beautiful mind and generous heart enchanted me. You believed in me. You hyped me up. You would always say hi to me whenever I’d pretend I didn’t see you during passing period. Was this always how you treated your guy friends? I felt honored to have you in my life. I remember taking a make-up test for Ms. D and I turned it into her. As i turned in my paper to her, you came in the door and greeted her. Then you told her how she should give me an A. After that you were complimenting me from my glasses, to my shirt, to my whole outfit and said how cool I looked. I was so awkward and was like “noooo” but with an awkward smile. I don’t know. Maybe I read too deep into your actions. Maybe I just have never met a guy that’d be so nice to me like you have to me. It was refreshing to see a guy interact with me so deeply like that. I will be honest, I joined cross country because I wanted to get fit and try something totally new but also because you told me to do it. You were the one that made me think “yeah I think I wanna do this” because I still wanted to be around that energy. I remember before the first cross country practice we passed by each other and I asked if you were going to practice and you were like “aww nahh man. Not today. But I’ll be going to the next one.“ I was kinda disappointed but I understood your decision. A few practices came and you still never showed up. I was filled with disappointment. Then finally you showed up to one practice and you acted like a stranger to me (or maybe you. Were just neevous around me and tried to conceal your feelings for me lmao 😭😭 I thought ahhaha). There I was hurt. It was weird cuz you’d treat me like I was a somebody sometimes then you’d treat me like you didn’t know me other times. As conflicted and frustrated I was trying to make sense of our whole relationship. Trying to understand you and my place in your life. I’d convince myself that it was no big deal. You were a straight guy just bein hella nice to me. Then track season came and I was excited to do hurdles. This time I did it for me (but kinda for you too cuz I didn’t wanna lose hope on a future with you in it 😭😭). But anyways on one bus ride to the practice you saw me sitting alone. But you just ignored me, no “hi” no “heyy man” nothing. I was questioning my worth to you. Then the next practice you were cheering me on on hurdles then we were talking about something and you started awkwardly laughing with that cute ass smile. Omg. Now you got me even more confused. But fast forward to senior year, I knew it was a new beginning. I was looking to forget bout you and build a new foundation within myself. I’ve “accepted” that you were not gonna be my bf. I’ve gotten through months not checking your Instagram on a daily basis. I thought I was healed. Then spring of 2017 came and it was college decision time. I got accepted into your school and some others. I was conflicted on whether i should choose sj or ucm. If I chose sj, I knew my feelings for you would rekindle and I’d look for hope again for the both of us. But while making my decision, it brought back all of those suppressed feelings. I tried to hide them again. I remember I unfollowed you prior to this dm on instagram. I dm’d you on how sj was and why you chose sj. Of course, you replied and gave me some good insight. Nothing more and nothing less. I was conflicted and frustrated again so I asked you some more questions yet I got the same tone in response. You had a girlfriend already at this point. Anyways, I had to think of my future too, so I chose ucm cuz I knew I’d be away from you. This was unhealthy for me to be so stuck on you and attached to your energy.

A couple months later, it was July 04, 2017. My brother’s girlfriend gave me the idea to throw a going away party. I was diggin the idea. Long story short. I was contemplating on inviting you or not but i ended up inviting you and you said “aww thank you so much man, I’ll definitely be there” or something along those lines. I was excited yet had doubts that you wouldn’t come. Fast-forward to my party day. After taking pictures with some people my bro opens the door and it’s you. YOU. My mind and heart could not process it. You, A.H. Came to my party (omfg 😭😭). So I give you that bro handshake and I tell you that they’re all in the backyard. I end up not walking you there cuz I’m nervous as fuck and I don’t wanna make it obvious that I got feelings for you. So I walked to the front door instead and went outside acting like it was for a purpose 😭. Then you started vibin and catching up with some old friends etc. omg. THEN Bodak yellow plays and I’m groovin to it and I see you groovin to it too. You start dancing towards me and reach for a bro shake. I come to you like a magnet and say “you know this song?l and you’re like “Bodak Yellow. Heck yeah man.” Then we start jammin to it. Then you start up a conversation with me. And my ears are all open and listening. BUT THEN my dad had to tap me on the shoulders and tell me to bring the box of pizza to the table for my other friends when they could just go inside and eat what they please. Anyways, I follow the order. And walk back out and you’re already talking to jamie L. So I give you your space and just go back to doin my thing.

After that party I cried so much about how blessed I was. I cried about 5-8 times on and off (even when I was brushing my teeth lmao). That was the highlight of my fuckin life deadass. So I start thinkin about all the ways you made me feel. Etc. i just had to let myself feel it all out. Make sense of it all. Try to accept what was and what is. I asked one of my favorite artists (and he responded. ILY Steve Lacy) about this and he gave me a some great insight on everything. I just had to connect all the dots and ask so many questions to the universe and myself. I’m a firm believer of “EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING WHAT IS MEANT TO BE WILL BE.” I had to reconnect with my inner-self. And keep myself with myself. I did hurt. It was hard to sleep. It was hard to keep you off my mind. And it was hard to not feel. I had “not in that way” by Sam Smith on replay along with “Bad Religion” by Frank Ocean and other songs on replay because of all the overwhelming and frustrating feelings that I’ve been keeping suppressed. This is my only outlet (tumblr). I didn’t feel comfortable telling anyone even my cousins (even though they tried so hard to get it out of me and open up about my struggles. IM GAy. There I said it. But I hate telling people because they just disregard all the baggage and deep pain you went through living with all the internal conflicts. It’s so heavy on me. I guess I hate how no one will understand my pain which is why I refuse to open up about my sexuality. Along with it comes so many misconceptions and negative assumptions that I just cannot deal with. Anyways, back to you A.H. I realized that I do love you even if we only talk here and there. Even if you don’t feel the same. I’ve learned to accept that you won’t be my bf. And I guess I’ve been holding onto you for so long because I relied so heavily on hope that things would eventually work out for us. It’s been two years. Ever since the summer of 2015 to today August 08, 2017. I realized that the Universe has been sending me signals to move on and to let go. And to understand that what is for me will come into my life. God knows what he’s doing and maybe you just weren’t the right guy for me even though I really wanted you to be. So yeah, even as I type this I have doubts. I worry that what if I’m just not trying hard enough and that you’re just struggling to let your feelings out for me and all of that. But then, I reexamined your instagram and our convos. You have all you need. You have a girlfriend, you have a wonderful family, and you have so many people who love you. You are happy and that is all that matters. I love you and I’m working to fall out of love with you for myself. It’s time for me to heal. And it’s time for me to invest in myself more and the people who truly love and care for me. I’ve been so lost because of my selfish motives. It was such a blessing to cross paths with you it truly was. You made me who I am today. I definitely learned so much about “love” and friendships. I learned about myself and the universe. You will always have a place in my heart, but we just were never meant to have something more than what I thought we should have. Maybe I’ll see you next lifetime? Hmm, who knows. The Lord is beyond amazing and I need to trust him/her more and build with him/her more. I love you A.H. This is me releasing all of my suppressed thoughts about you so that I can be one step closer to healing myself. You will do so many amazing things in life especially since you’re such a great soul. I’ll be here on the side cheering you on. ILY. And I’ll miss you.

Sincerely, PJPT 💛💧✨💜✨💗✨

[whatcannotbeconquered]

ASB 2017

It says it feels like -2 degrees here but at some point the cold is just the cold!!

I will be the first to say that I was wrong about what this past week was going to be about. To start, I had a bad attitude in the beginning of the week. All i wanted to do was go home, be with my sisters and my mom and my dad and my grammy and just be happy, relaxed, and helpful at home. Every time we did a group activity or I had an awkward conversation with someone, I regretted coming on this trip and wasting $400 of my parents money and $400 of my money. It felt like I couldn’t really be good friends with anyone there. Then we were assigned rooms and I found myself judging the girl sleeping next to me in her matching pajamas, her quiet/sad voice, and the fact that she was picking at her shoulder while we were in the same bed together (ya idk about this last part cuz im still a lil shook lol). Then I heard we weren’t going to be building at all during the week. We got two days at the beach on Saturday and Sunday yet we were being thanked and congratulated for giving up our spring break to be in Florida, when in reality we were basically paying for a group vacation. Every time it seemed like the chaperones were wasting our money or taking us somewhere we didn’t want to go, I got the worst attitude and acted like this was the worst experience of my life. HOWEVER...

This was such a great week that I think will really impact me as a person. And that is why I’m writing right now. So that I don’t forget what I saw and what I heard and what I felt this past week.

On Monday we worked at a Restore for three hours. To be honest, the work wasn’t that fun and a lot of people would complain the minute they got hungry or when they were bored. Oh how noble it is that we’re dedicating 3 hours of our day and then sitting on a beach the rest of the day...yeah idk about that. But we did meet a family that night who is about to start on their house and it was cool to see what kind of people are moving into these homes and why they need them. This family lived in a mobile home in a bad area and the mom said she can’t let her daughter play outside because she’s worried about what could happen to her. Then came Tuesday. We started the day at a house dedication for Habitat which was one of my favorite experiences of the week. Seeing what comes out of all of the hard work and money that goes into Habitat was so crazy. The fact that so many different people and organizations help fund this dream was so awesome. That the family would get a full kitchen of kitchen tools and food was so great. Tuesday night we did the back to back drawing which was fun with Rachel. 

Then came my favorite day, Wednesday. We worked at an environmental center where we got to use clippers and a machete to clean up a trail the center had in the back. Then we weeded with a girl with a great taste in music which was cool. It was also awesome to see how much passion Kristie, the leader here, had for these non-invasive, natural plants and it was cool to see the behind the scenes of the places that donate to Habitat.

Wednesday night was the highlight of this trip, however. We started by watching a Ted Talk about the danger of the single story. It was about a Nigerian girl who was single storied by her American roommate and who single storied a poor boy who worked for her. After seeing the Ted Talk, the leaders opened up the floor to anyone who wanted to share a story of what they’ve gone through so that people don’t single story them. I thought this would be incredibly awkward since no one said much at all in the beginning. We listened to Lauren tell a story about bullying which helped start it off, but then more and more people would share. I found that I single storied a lot of the people there, without even knowing it. I thought one girl was not a more reserved rich girl from New England when in reality she has two adopted brothers who have gone through a lot. I found out that she has to take care of them all the time at home and that she had to give up her own time to take care of them. This is easily why she sort of seemed like a boring mom at times. Another girl who kind of always shied away from the group told us about how she was kicked out of her mom and dad’s houses and had to live with her boyfriend. Also that she was in the hospital for a month last semester and had to take a semester off of school. That when she went to bed early, it was because she has to take care of her health first. I thought she was sad and homesick like I was earlier in the week, or she just didn’t like hanging out with us. I easily single storied her. James shared a story about how he hasn’t been treated great by his parents and it has made it hard for him to connect to people, even mentioning Mikayla directly. I only got one side of his story (Mikayla’s story) and found out so much more about his situation. And the biggest of all, the girl I initially judged for being awkward and kind of rude and weird, told us she wished she could be someone different and that she never made real connections with people because she is protective of her disabled brother and never wanted to bring anyone home. She has gotten antisocial and doesn’t know how to interact with other people and for me, it was so fricken easy to single story her in the beginning of the week. Hearing people’s back stories made it so much easier to appreciate what I have and to remember NEVER to single story someone, and to realize there is more to every single person’s life, more than we know. Even as the activity went on, I went from thinking I had no back story, to realizing that I put a lot of pressure on myself to find a high paying job so I can support my parents when I’m older since they have been such incredible parents to me...always being generous in every way and always being supportive of every thing I do. I realize I don’t even enjoy business or investing and that I think there’s a bigger calling for me in this world but that I feel like I need to do something that makes me unhappy to be successful and provide for my family. There’s no reason for anyone to single story me either.

In terms of the trip, we finished the work week on Thursday by helping at a farm “in the hood.” We got to eat fresh cherry tomatoes and plant collard greens in some cow manure. In the mean time, I could hear our own leader complaining about how much she hated farming/planting. I think it made me realize that a positive attitude is quite literally the most important part of any experience of activity. But we also got to meet a super nice woman who worked there and we got to provide fresh fruit and vegetables for people in the neighborhood who don’t have access to it. Then, we finished Friday with a great day paddle boarding and kayaking where I learned how much I appreciate floatin around in a life jacket. :) 

Overall, I think this trip made me thing much differently about how I think of other people that I meet. There is never a reason to judge and single story someone until you know everything that they have gone through. It made me see the importance of volunteering, as we made significant progress at each of our job sites. Finally, it made me appreciate the friends and family I have as well as the new 21 friends I have made on this trip. 21 more faces to smile at on campus :) I take back all of my initial regrets I had for going on this trip. I’m grateful for everything.